Lockedaisical
Trying my best
- Location
- New Zealand
- Pronouns
- He/They
chap 2.0 doodlesI am so disappointed... that my computer won't let me load that fan art.All I see is
where's it's meant to be.
!! Does this help?
Fate Doctor [Young Justice SI]
- Thread starter Lockedaisical
- Start date
!! Does this help?
Yep! Thank you. Well done on the drawings.
- Location
- sweden
Haven't read much about the lords of chaos and order but I feel like how they are presented in DC is pretty flawed. Then again that makes them interesting.
My thoughts:
What is Perfect Order?
Vacuum decay or the heat death of the universe. Order is where everything is Perfectly uniform. Nothing is different from anything else. The only way to achieve this is to have an all-encompassing void. It is Perfect Order. Not only is everything perfectly ordered but chaos can never again exist. If the Lords of Order seeks Perfect, Permanent Order then this is their ultimate goal.
Now, this is obviously not acceptable. It must be stopped. This, the Lords of Chaos. But they are the counterpart of Order so they too seek their Perfect Chaos. This is hard to imagine but it would be a all encompassing system of constant change. Not for a single nanosecond is anything what it was previously. What it changes to can' have any relation to the state it was previously. The whole system can't have any constant or any cause or effect. A complete incoherent pandemonium where no part is another alike... and thus any part would be indistinguishable from any other. A single mess of stuff, uniform in its complete Chaos.
Ok, we now have established that none of the lords in their absolute form can have their will. Now we take Order and chaos on the smaller scale.
Order is a system in which an action causes a predictable effect.
Chaos is the period in between systems in which change occurs.
Order is good because for society to work there must be reason to everyday life. Safety and predictability. But a completely orderly society can't allow progress. A change of circumstances will lead to change and can cause the system to fail. At its worse it becomes 1984, a constant present where nothing changes and every day is the other alike, no past and no future.
Chaos can be good because change allows for things to improve. Chaos allws the future to be different from the past and the present. It allows for the hope that tomorrow to be better. The hope that motivates us to strive for that change. It allows for the fear that tomorrow can be worse, a fear that motivates us to try our best to make the future change. But constant change, as we said, is not sustainable. If we feel that the present has no effect on the future then what reason is there to do anything other that satisfy our immediate needs? No reason to save for the future, no reason to invest time or effort in anything since Comoros it can all be gone regardless.
So, we have seen that complete Order and complete Chaos can't be implemented. Neither on the universal or even planetary scale without causing unwanted side effects. Only through having a system where Order and chaos are balanced in the right ratio does a civilazation prosper. What that ratio is does obviously change from place to place. Some places need more chaos to remove the old corrupt system to allow for a more prosperous future to take it' place. Some places need more order to ensure that the future continues to look as bright as it already does.
My thoughts:
What is Perfect Order?
Vacuum decay or the heat death of the universe. Order is where everything is Perfectly uniform. Nothing is different from anything else. The only way to achieve this is to have an all-encompassing void. It is Perfect Order. Not only is everything perfectly ordered but chaos can never again exist. If the Lords of Order seeks Perfect, Permanent Order then this is their ultimate goal.
Now, this is obviously not acceptable. It must be stopped. This, the Lords of Chaos. But they are the counterpart of Order so they too seek their Perfect Chaos. This is hard to imagine but it would be a all encompassing system of constant change. Not for a single nanosecond is anything what it was previously. What it changes to can' have any relation to the state it was previously. The whole system can't have any constant or any cause or effect. A complete incoherent pandemonium where no part is another alike... and thus any part would be indistinguishable from any other. A single mess of stuff, uniform in its complete Chaos.
Ok, we now have established that none of the lords in their absolute form can have their will. Now we take Order and chaos on the smaller scale.
Order is a system in which an action causes a predictable effect.
Chaos is the period in between systems in which change occurs.
Order is good because for society to work there must be reason to everyday life. Safety and predictability. But a completely orderly society can't allow progress. A change of circumstances will lead to change and can cause the system to fail. At its worse it becomes 1984, a constant present where nothing changes and every day is the other alike, no past and no future.
Chaos can be good because change allows for things to improve. Chaos allws the future to be different from the past and the present. It allows for the hope that tomorrow to be better. The hope that motivates us to strive for that change. It allows for the fear that tomorrow can be worse, a fear that motivates us to try our best to make the future change. But constant change, as we said, is not sustainable. If we feel that the present has no effect on the future then what reason is there to do anything other that satisfy our immediate needs? No reason to save for the future, no reason to invest time or effort in anything since Comoros it can all be gone regardless.
So, we have seen that complete Order and complete Chaos can't be implemented. Neither on the universal or even planetary scale without causing unwanted side effects. Only through having a system where Order and chaos are balanced in the right ratio does a civilazation prosper. What that ratio is does obviously change from place to place. Some places need more chaos to remove the old corrupt system to allow for a more prosperous future to take it' place. Some places need more order to ensure that the future continues to look as bright as it already does.
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If. But why assume that "if"? The Lords of Order seem like intelligent beings who are capable of understanding the consequences of permanent, perfect order and seeing those consequences as negative.
It's possible that they're more interested in seeing chaos controlled than chaos destroyed.
- Location
- sweden
This nabu has given the impression of the atter rather than the former. For this story, the question becomes relevant. If Nabu has the 40k like view of all Chaos in all forms needing a *BLAM* to the back of the head then the argument that life can not exist in perfect order and that life can not improve in perfect order become relevant.
- Location
- texas
Because you haven't read enough about them to know how they are presented in DC.
The Lords of Chaos and Order are playing chess for the fate of the universe.
Spoiler alert- Chaos always wins. Entropy sees to that.
They name the cycles after the Hindu yugas.
First, order is ascendant. Satya Yuga
Then Chaos makes inroads, Tetra Yuga
Then Chaos gains even more ground, Dvapara Yuga.
Then Chaos wins, Kali Yuga.
Then the universe is destroyed, Death puts up the chairs and turns off the lights before she goes, and then the Lords start over with the next universe.
The Lords of Order aren't fighting for perfect order, they are fighting to postpone entropy as long as possible.
According to DC, the modern day is Kali Yuga.
Or at least in New Earth continuity, in which the original Lords are angelic beings created by God right after he made the universe.
The lords have had other origins though. At one time, the original lords of chaos and order were the gods of Atlantis, dreamed into existence by a living universe, the Darkworld.
In Vertigo, the Lords are demons, fallen angels kicked out of Heaven after the rebellion. The Lords of Chaos, or at least a faction thereof, wish to earn their way back into heaven with a gift to god- the apotheosis/uplifting of humanity. The Lords of Order are demons who prefer the status quo, and are just self righteous on general principle.
In Young Justice, though, according to word of Greg, Klarion isn't a boy with a cat. He's not human, never was human, never born, not a living being. He's Chaos incarnate, just as the Endless are the concepts they are named after. Presumably that would be true of other Lords of Chaos, and Lords of Order as well.
In which case, the Lords are basically just sock puppets of a universal concept. So there is no Nabu, just a 14.5 billion year old force of nature slumming it with some bags of flesh.
- Location
- U.s.a.
The fusion with Nabu should have affected his personality, there should be some bleeding effect going on on the other direction too and not just from the SI to Nabu. And please not another spineless character, a more human, understanding Nabu should mean a more orderly, determined host kinda like how power/lantern rings affect their wearers.
HolyInquisition
Opinionated
- Location
- Halfway to Anywhere
A system with the maximum of entropy is in total stasis, with no changes beyond quantum. It's very Orderly.
Rended Space
00Skaven
- Location
- The Under-Empire
That's pretty deep man
- Location
- sweden
1. I thought the Endless were the absolute manifestation of concepts.
2. Chaos =/= entropy. in fact, when entropy is at maximum then chaos is at minimum.
3. If the lords have a beginning then they are gods in the same way that the Olympian gods are divine, not really more than spirits made by the mortals that dreamt them up. If they were created by YAHEW then they are bloody toddlers compared to most other divine tier beings. Even less of a reason why they would be more than one dimensional.
Please tell me where I'm going wrong here.
1. There is order.
2. Chaos disrupts the order.
3. Order is restored.
4. Repeat step 1-4 until nothing is left.
5. Nothingness is uniform, thus nothingness is Orderly.
6. Order wins.
- Location
- texas
1 So what? You think they are the only ones who are allowed to embody concepts? There's no evidence that the Endless even exist in the YJ universe, which isn't relevant to anything since I used them as an analogy. In YJ, according to word of god, Klarion is Chaos.
2 Entropy, as I was using it, as should have been quite obvious, is the "process of degradation or running down or a trend to disorder." So no, falling to disorder does not lead to more order. And if you have a problem with that definition, feel free to take it up with the fine folks at Merriam-Webster and Oxford dictionaries.
3 The Endless are younger than the universe, the White Light Entity is younger than the universe, so I don't know why you are acting like age has anything to do with importance or being human like.
As for what you are missing- I typed they start over with the next universe, how did you miss that?
There is in fact a Dr Fate storyline in which the Lords of Order get impatient and decide to skip ahead to the next universe where they would be ascendant.
Dr Fate tries to stop them from destroying the universe. He fails.
So Dr Fate and Andrew Bennett witness the universe being remade exactly like it had been before because God/The Presence vetoed that plan, manifesting as smile this time.
According to this story, step one is "There is Chaos", followed by, "Order arises from Chaos". Throw in a few "Order decays naturally, giving birth to further Chaos" in and you get the eternal cycle that this fic seems to be going for, though I may be biased by Neil Gaiman's Books of Magic. Possibly relevant quote:"Do not mistake stability for stagnation."
- Location
- Fox Empire
The author has gone completely silent. It's hidden on SV, but his SB account hasn't been logged into since April 29.
RichardWhereat
Feanor did nothing wrong.
- Location
- Australia
And his last bookmarked fic on AAOOO was on 08 May 2018. Hope he's okay.
Lockedaisical
Trying my best
- Location
- New Zealand
- Pronouns
- He/They
This is not a chapter update
Hi. This is really kind of silly, because this story only got up to like, a couple steps, before dying, but it's my 23rd birthday so I just wanted to... I guess, voice some thoughts I've been very quietly nursing for a long time.
Trigger warning because I just. kind of want to talk about some very private and very personal things -- so warning for suicide, self harm, mental illness, all the bad stuff.
I'm probably going to post this and run, because anxiety. I have a spare chapter I'll upload quietly because it's been in my drafts since 2018 and I might as well post it. But for now, I'm just going to log off.
Hi. This is really kind of silly, because this story only got up to like, a couple steps, before dying, but it's my 23rd birthday so I just wanted to... I guess, voice some thoughts I've been very quietly nursing for a long time.
Trigger warning because I just. kind of want to talk about some very private and very personal things -- so warning for suicide, self harm, mental illness, all the bad stuff.
I think this story, specifically, is the reason I'm still alive today. I did not plan to live past 21. I know its not much -- I've always struggled with my focus and I kind of knew my motivation for writing this was going to die sooner rather than later. i'm still amazed i made it to 14k. but the characters i'd come up with for this story have just kind of... lived on. In the past two... three? Jesus, years since I've written this story, I've been struggling with processing the trauma and C-PTSD from the first two decades of my life. I've been doing very bad mentally because of this. Dissociating very very heavily for days at a time, which was preferably to facing the suicidal thoughts that are... still kind of around, but quieter. I'd gotten desperate; self-medicated and self-harmed, which I'm still paying for. (Kids, just... don't play around with things you can get addicted to. It's really, really really not worth it. It really isn't.)
I'm doing better now. I've been in therapy, I've moved out from a toxic household. I haven't (intentionally) hurt myself in 9 months!
And the biggest help I've received, as silly as this sounds, were from the characters of this story.
When I started dealing with my C-PTSD I would just... dissociate like, stupid heavily. Fall, fall, fall, without any safety rope, nothing I could climb back out with. I was nothing, I had no identity or personality or personhood, so I wanted to talk to the people that had their shit sorted out, just to distract me from killing myself.
Zatanna became Rebecca, who was a year younger than me but acted like my older sister. Giovanni became Markus, Rebecca's biological father and my adopted one. Leslie (which is Lee's full name, I picked it because both our names could have the 'Lee' nickname) became... the version of me before I realised I had so much baggage. So he doesn't have C-PTSD, he doesn't have trauma. He doesn't have undiagnosed ADHD and autism, no PMDD and depression. He also remains fully a trans man, eventhough I've moved on from that label myself. He has an adopted daughter, named Sammy.
I would talk to these people, sometimes physically out loud, because they were so real and nuanced and seemed to genuinely care for me in a time where I felt I couldn't trust anyone. I could trust them to tell me what I needed, and listened when they said to take care of myself. They had to ability to talk me down from panic attacks, say what I desperately wanted to hear, and I would believe them (because they weren't me. I couldn't trust my own thoughts, but I could trust their words). I thought I had OSDD-1b at one point, but my therapist says that archetypical imaginary figures are actually quite a common thing for C-PTSD, which surprised me! Especially the child figure, Sammy.
Sammy started as a plot point for this story. I would've introduced her on March 21st in canon. I think, when I started writing this in 2018, I was already subconsciously processing my trauma. She was based off an imaginary friend I had as a child, written into this story, then, became more when I stopped writing and had to deal with the shit in my head. She remains very important to me and my mental wellbeing, to this day.
I'm not making any promises to continue this story. Believe me, I have been legitimately trying to -- my focus is still really bad, and my head's still not 100%, so there haven't been any results, unfortunately. But I do just, genuinely want to make it to March 21st. I would very much like to write Sammy into this world, bring her to life.
I know how this story ends. It's something that's brought me so much comfort over the years, because it's an ending I just very much need myself. This story and the time in my life when I wrote this story was one of the brightest specks in my life, and I still feel like garbage for letting it slip through my fingers. I'm really sorry for the relationships I've lost because of my mental illness, because the people here were genuinely so good and I miss them a lot and I hope they're doing well. But I'm picking up the pieces of myself, one at a time.
I'm doing better now. I've been in therapy, I've moved out from a toxic household. I haven't (intentionally) hurt myself in 9 months!
And the biggest help I've received, as silly as this sounds, were from the characters of this story.
When I started dealing with my C-PTSD I would just... dissociate like, stupid heavily. Fall, fall, fall, without any safety rope, nothing I could climb back out with. I was nothing, I had no identity or personality or personhood, so I wanted to talk to the people that had their shit sorted out, just to distract me from killing myself.
Zatanna became Rebecca, who was a year younger than me but acted like my older sister. Giovanni became Markus, Rebecca's biological father and my adopted one. Leslie (which is Lee's full name, I picked it because both our names could have the 'Lee' nickname) became... the version of me before I realised I had so much baggage. So he doesn't have C-PTSD, he doesn't have trauma. He doesn't have undiagnosed ADHD and autism, no PMDD and depression. He also remains fully a trans man, eventhough I've moved on from that label myself. He has an adopted daughter, named Sammy.
I would talk to these people, sometimes physically out loud, because they were so real and nuanced and seemed to genuinely care for me in a time where I felt I couldn't trust anyone. I could trust them to tell me what I needed, and listened when they said to take care of myself. They had to ability to talk me down from panic attacks, say what I desperately wanted to hear, and I would believe them (because they weren't me. I couldn't trust my own thoughts, but I could trust their words). I thought I had OSDD-1b at one point, but my therapist says that archetypical imaginary figures are actually quite a common thing for C-PTSD, which surprised me! Especially the child figure, Sammy.
Sammy started as a plot point for this story. I would've introduced her on March 21st in canon. I think, when I started writing this in 2018, I was already subconsciously processing my trauma. She was based off an imaginary friend I had as a child, written into this story, then, became more when I stopped writing and had to deal with the shit in my head. She remains very important to me and my mental wellbeing, to this day.
I'm not making any promises to continue this story. Believe me, I have been legitimately trying to -- my focus is still really bad, and my head's still not 100%, so there haven't been any results, unfortunately. But I do just, genuinely want to make it to March 21st. I would very much like to write Sammy into this world, bring her to life.
I know how this story ends. It's something that's brought me so much comfort over the years, because it's an ending I just very much need myself. This story and the time in my life when I wrote this story was one of the brightest specks in my life, and I still feel like garbage for letting it slip through my fingers. I'm really sorry for the relationships I've lost because of my mental illness, because the people here were genuinely so good and I miss them a lot and I hope they're doing well. But I'm picking up the pieces of myself, one at a time.
I'm probably going to post this and run, because anxiety. I have a spare chapter I'll upload quietly because it's been in my drafts since 2018 and I might as well post it. But for now, I'm just going to log off.
2.1 New Player
Lockedaisical
Trying my best
- Location
- New Zealand
- Pronouns
- He/They
This has been in my drafts since 2018 and I'm just going to post it. No promises for a continuation.
2.1 New Player
1st December
09:25 EDT
We were apparently getting to Metropolis by Shadowcrest's magical teleportation.
Giovanni had insisted, insisted that there was no rush, and broke out his kitchenware to cook us an actual breakfast. "I haven't eaten in five years, let me enjoy this," he said, and I know he's teasing, but the guilt I feel lets whatever protest I have die out.
I'm still not hungry, but it's not that I can't eat, so we sat in his very luxurious, extensive kitchen, having breakfast with hot food and small talk.
(I'm. Not used to this. Aaaaa.)
(You'd think I'd be glad that the dire, actually dangerous bits seem to be over, but it's the awkwardness that scares me just as much —)
When that was done, as we were leaving, Giovanni throws me a jacket.
"T-thank you?"
He waves me off, adjusting his own coat. Precise fingers smooth down his collar and sleeves, as if savouring the feel of wool. He's wearing very casual clothes —jeans and t-shirt, a baseball cap that he pulls down low, somewhat covering his face.
"It will be cold outside." Giovanni's hands seem to be constantly in motion when he talks, all sorts of flicking and gestures that speak as much as his words do. He walks down the hallways of his mansion as if he'd never left, with ease and familiarity, as I try my best to follow behind.
"You've been very quiet."
"Well I -- there's not really much need for my input, is there?" God, I'm so in over my head.
"It's still something that involves you." He slows to a stop at our destination, and our eyes meet for a moment. I struggle under his gaze, still soft and regretful, and I ultimately look away first. "Don't be afraid to ask for anything. I will try to help however I can."
(He's so… compassionate. Is that what heroes are like?)
"Then… well… how does this work?" We're back in the hallway I was lead to this morning, with a large number of identical doors in a row. I can't see any outward labels indicating what the doors lead to, but Giovanni had stopped in front of the one I somehow know leads to Metropolis.
"Ah." His eyes both me and the door in turn. "We own several properties around the world. So long as we own the location, we are able to link them back to Shadowcrest."
There's a small pause as he considers his next words.
"I'm sorry about this morning. Did Shadowcrest ask you to let Batman in?" At my slightly unsure nodding, he sighs. "She probably didn't want to disturb me."
He raises his voice and turns to direct his next statement vaguely upwards, slapping on the doorframe for emphasis. It's annoyed, but at the same time, fond. "Didn't I tell you to notify me of any arrivals?"
The sensation that rushes through me next is singularly the most magical thing I have felt to this point. More so than even Nabu's magic, or Zatanna's. At least that had felt… human.
It's fascinating. A tickle that builds up at the back of my throat, before growing deeper down and reverberating through my core. A voice that has no sound, no words, just communicating with raw intention and desire, speaking from within. It rustles likes the pages of old books, creaks on unoiled hinges, the muted tones of the mansion speaking of old trust, old bonds; caring and unrepentant.
"We will be going now. Take care, okay?" Giovanni says as we walk out, and we receive a trill in reply. We step out into a very average looking flat, furnished and decorated, with nothing out of the ordinary. The door shuts behind us with a creak.
"You like her, yes?" I don't really need to see him to hear the smugness of his tone. I bring a hand up to cover my mouth as I realise I'm wearing a slightly goofy grin.
"Yeah, that was… she's really cool."
"Good. She likes you too."
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1st December
10:03 EDT
I think… this is actually the first I've been in an American city. First impressions: Metropolis is loud and crowded.
Almost overwhelmingly so — the coloursoundatmosphere seems so incredibly bright and pronounced, and the sheer number of entities just completely dumbfounds me. My awareness is just flooded with information and sensations which I can't quite place. There is something that is not quite a headache building up in my forehead, as if parts of my brain which have never been used before are being strained.
I try to match Giovanni's rather leisurely pace, hands in the pockets of my borrowed jacket. Still, more than once I find myself falling behind as I'm constantly lost in the sight of so much, until I notice that Giovanni has gotten ahead of me, and run to catch up.
I bump into somebody's shoulder, and turn around to mutter a quick "sorry!" as I fall in step beside Giovanni once again. All the people we've passed so far seem to be heading in the same general direction, collecting at a central point.
"There's a rally being held at Centennial Park, from what Batman has told me," Giovanni explains. "We might need to stop by there later."
I'm almost relieved when the automatic doors of STAR Lab's front entrance close behind us. The building is as professional and modern as you would expect it, white walls with large glass windows. And while the physical walls do little to to distance me from the cacophony of of noise that buzzed at my senses, the narrowed field of vision and the sterile smell of the air conditioning at least let me focus on the here and now.
"Hello!" Giovanni waves down the assistant manning the front desk. She sees us approach and seems to steel herself, a polite smile appearing on her face. "We are here on League business." Giovanni holds out the black card he was given, and a small hologram of the bat symbol projects above it. She immediately loses her smile, jaw dropping open.
Props to her, she recovers quickly. "Of course, sir! I'll go… get the chief…"
She stabs the buttons of the office phone with a slight frantic energy, prickly. I'm nonplussed. Really, all this while I've been standing behind Giovanni, trying not to look like a tourist, but this seeing this reaction is surprising, to say the least.
"Don't worry about it." Giovanni half-turns to look at me, as if sensing my discomfort. "We will be getting the help we need."
(...that wasn't really what I was going for…)
And we did. The Chief Scientific Officer, from the title on the name tag attached to her lab coat (her name was Jenet), pushes open the fire door and strides into the lobby, heels clacking. Things go impressively fast once Batman's sigil is recognised and validated. Giovanni does most (all) of the talking, and we're brought to a room with the Zeta-tube, preparing for launch.
It's a long room, with a lengthy track leading into the
There are details and paperwork to be filled in, and I linger quite pathetically in the background as Giovanni sorts it through. It makes sense that there needed to be protocol for keying people into the Zeta system, limiting it to an exclusive list….
But, I don't know, couldn't we just… teleport there?
**...Teleportation requires us to be familiar enough with the location to form an connection.**
And… you're not… (...okay.)
**I have no purpose in that stronghold, so far away from humanity and its deficits.**
(...That's not very nice -- )
"Giovanni Zatara?!" I feel the jolt of shock a second before the exclamation reaches my ears, and I turn to see the Chief catch her tablet computer from where it had slipped from her fingers. I'd pushed myself off from the wall I was leaning on, but Giovanni's countenance still seems relaxed; talking in hushed tones, a hand on his chin. The Chief blinks, professionalism rising back to take charge. "Right, this should be easy then, you're already in the system…"
"Okay, we're ready," says another man in a lab coat, fiddling with the interface beside the large machine. The rings of the zeta tube start to brighten, humming with energy.
"Good. Lee, let's go," Giovanni calls out to me, and I automatically fall into step behind him. My feet are starting to get the sensations of pins-and-needles from my stiff waiting, having forced myself to stop fidgeting after yesterday --
(And then things happen very quickly.)
-- and I fucking trip over my feet --
-- knock over one of the lab coats glasses askew --
-- Giovanni looks back in shock and he about faces away from the machine --
-- and then a sudden, absolute, shockwave in the very atmosphere, as if for a moment all the air in the world was removed and added back again just as fast, knocking the breath out of me.
The lights flicker off, switching to weak red emergency lights. The Zeta-tube seems to sigh as it powers down.
I'm apologising profusely to the other guy I knocked over, clumsily untangling ourselves. The Chief is barking orders, several technicians scrambling as they struggle with non-responsive machinery. Giovanni makes his way over to me just as I pull myself to my feet.
"What's happened?" the Chief demands, and her assistant is uneasy as her fingers fly over her tablet.
"We've lost all non-local signals. Internet, radio waves, even the power lines. It's like they've been cut."
"Zeta-beam radiation as well," one of the technician speaks up. The interface of the Zeta-tube seems to have dimmed into low-power mode, but he still manages to pull the data from it. "Why isn't picking up Z-radiation…"
The door slams open as the assistant looks back in at us, eyes wide in distress. "I think I know what's causing this," she says, turning back towards the hall and pointing out the window.
My heart is unusually calm, beat steady but loud in my ears. I share a look with Giovanni, swallowing at his expression -- stern and austere, as if a switch was flipped and he's down for business now. We approach the window and look out.
The sky is tinted and unnatural shade of electric blue, white lightning bolts of energy crackling ever so often across an invisible surface.
And above it, high in the sky, rested a massive, purple, alien spaceship.
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2.2 New Player
Lockedaisical
Trying my best
- Location
- New Zealand
- Pronouns
- He/They
2.2 New Player
1st December
11:07 EST
I'm the only one sitting on these rows of chairs in the corridor, waiting. Scientists in lab coats run back and forth in my vision, making panicked phone calls and barking orders through walkie-talkies. I'm really tense, but Giovanni had said to wait. I watch him now, heads bent together with the Chief of the lab, trying to figure out what to do.
Should we.. should I be doing something?
Am I holding Nabu back?
**I see no reason to act at this very moment.** Nabu's voice rings in my head. He sounds almost bored.
People are… panicking. Scared.
**While harmless initially, fear is a precursor to chaos. Once the balance is tipped in the enemies' favour,** I see his eye holes flash gold in my mind's eye. **Then shall we act.**
(...not to prevent?)
I'm held back from arguing further when Giovanni begins marching purposefully towards me. I leap to my feet, antsy, and meet him in the middle of the corridor.
He's grim. "Lee, I need to talk to Nabu."
Well, he was already here at the forefront. Switching was becoming easier, especially when we asked for consent with quiet pulses in the mind. I step out of the way, and Nabu fills it seamlessly.
Giovanni continues when he sees gold light overtake my eyes. "We are unable to contact the rest of the League, but there are current members operating within the dome."
Giovanni puts a hand on my shoulder. It's strange, as the older man was taller than me, the body the current Lord of Order was inhabiting. Something just mildly amusing about that to cut through the bleak atmosphere.
"I do not think it is best that you suit up."
Nabu tilts my head questioningly, and I find my mental body mimicking the gesture. Giovanni continues, "Dr Fate should still lay low, at least until we examine the penetrability of this barrier. It wouldn't do to advertise that the good doctor is currently trapped."
Nabu nods slowly, taking it in. "Especially when our current ability to fight is in question."
(He's so -- passive aggressive!!! I can feel your intent, you know! He's not wrong but saying it like that isn't helping...)
"Jenet has given us a communicator with authorization to contact the other League members. They are convalescing at the North-Western quadrant of the park."
"We will be revealing our identity, then."
Giovanni's face relaxes ever so slightly, "Think of it as a reunion."
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1st December
11:43 EST
The periphery of our shared mindscape -- the place closest to consciousness -- is a quiet, empty expanse. It was more freeform, less solid. The mind palace was where objects could exist with more permanence -- where memory and experience is stored. It was located deeper within, requiring a bit of a 'fall' to get there, putting distance between us and awareness.
I remained at the forefront, watching as Nabu and Giovanni travelled on foot, Felt it was important to be alert, when things were this uncertain. Possibly dangerous.
I won't lie and say I'm not scared.
But the environment of this mindscape wasn't helping at all! It's white and bright and blinding, with a huge window on the horizon line that showed the events taking place in the real world. Sound played as if through a one-directional speaker, rather than realistic surround sound.
I press my imaginary hands together and bring them up to my chin. Hm. Can I do something about this.
Nabu's currently occupied, locked in the waking role. He's starting to think, getting more alert the more he and Giovanni talk.
"Is your connection to the Tower still present?"
"...Not directly. The barrier seems to be able to block our primary magical connection, doesn't seem to be nuanced enough to withhold it completely. Our link is more complex than that."
"That's still not very good."
Nabu wasn't worried yet, per say. But if he had a heartbeat, it would be starting to beat faster.
(he did. it was my heart. my heart was beating a little bit faster.)
This sort of… matter, was commonplace for a superhero. It was going to become a very common thing I would be a part of. And I'm going to drive myself insane if I had to watch it like this every single time something happened.
I needed to change this environment. Even changing it a tiny bit would help.
I rise up, just a little, in consciousness. I was being very very careful not to push or jostle Nabu's role, squeezing myself very small and around him in order to reach full awareness. Of course, he still notices.
**Do not distract me like this if I am occupied with a dire situation.**
I'm pleasantly surprised it wasn't a full on denial! It's okay for now --?
**I can feel your intent. Work quickly.**
That was an invitation if I've ever seen one.
Things feel malleable, like a blob. Even my own being was kind of blobby, not really seeing, not really moving -- more feeling and manipulating and being / not being. I reached up and could feel sensations my body was processing -- sight, sound, taste, smell, and more. Carefully, I pull them down and around Nabu, having a little wire that I could bring down to the mindscape with me and process the outside world.
I leave Nabu's space, giving him room to act freely. His essence shies away from me when I'm moving about -- it feels careful and deliberate, but at the same time, kind of.. reluctant.
He won't trip over the wires, I don't think. They're thin and out of the way, just enough to have a connection, but not send any interference upwards.
Right. I have my sources. What can I do with this?
I take inspiration from fictional stories about mindscapes. They make it seem to easy -- just think, and it'll appear; just think and it'll appear --
A surround sound system of simple black speakers pop into existence in a circle around me. They fall for a few inches before settling with noisy 'clacks' on a blank white floor. From them, I can hear more clearly -- Giovanni breathing hard on my left, the call of a bird to my right, the rustling of strangers behind me.
What else, what else? A computer?
A table pops into existence, with a large LCD monitor. Though it's not plugged into anything, it's turned on. It was currently showing what looked to be a radar, like on those old ships. It pulses with multicoloured dots. Non-visual sensations, given visual form?
Another monitor, with a crude outline of the human body. Descriptions in green.
A third one, with textual data flashing on screen and scrolling upwards faster than I could read.
This was all very clinical, very bare bones. I worked with computers a lot -- doesn't mean I'm comfortable with them, but it was something I was overjoyed to have for now. An improvement to the disconnect I was feeling, by watching through that giant window and taking in nothing else.
**Enough. We are approaching.** I hear Nabu within the mindscape. I turn my attention back to the window on the horizon. Hope things will be okay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st December
11:56 EST
The suits definitely looked much cooler in real life.
Batgirl and Black Lightning stand before us, clad in their costumes and masks. Memories of Nabu's previous interactions with them start to surface. Without thinking, I skim the edge of a passing memory to gain an impression.
Loyal, she stands in his shadow, insignificant, blank faced. Thinks herself capable, thinks herself a threat.
A fighter, passion, powerless, still fighting. Heroism for the weak. I saved him. He owes me.
**Do not do that.**
(Sorry!)
"You're the contingent from STAR labs?" Batgirl begins, looking at me. Her hand hovers over her ear, as if waiting for a different kind of communication.
"It's a complicated matter," Giovanni starts to say beside me. Both heroes snap to look at him as he removes his hat. "We were hoping to keep our presence low for now, but it seems our help is needed."
Giovanni grins cheerfully into the stunned silence.
Batgirl recovers first and her jaw clicks shut. "Za-- Zatara. You're back in the field?"
Giovanni grimaces, making a 'so-so' motion with his hand. "Perhaps not this time. I am no longer the host of Doctor Fate."
"But this is him?" Black Lightning takes a step towards me, and Nabu stares up at him impassively. Giovanni pats my back.
"This is Nabu, the embodiment within the helmet of Fate."
"And if we are ready," Nabu says, and I feel a jolt of shock from the other two. "I plan to examine the barrier, and remove it." There's a miniscule pause as the other heroes reassess me.
"By all means, go right ahead," Black Lightning says, spreading his arms wide.
Nabu doesn't spare a look back. I can feel Giovanni tense beside me, but the wearer of my body ignores it, striding purposefully towards the edge of the dome. It looks more solid up close, the tiny hexagons of hard light shards making up a much bigger piece that currently trapped all of Metropolis.
Nabu reaches out a hand, palm facing the barrier but not quite touching it. Sparks of white lightning seem to sense the potential threat, and begin to pool on part of the dome closest to my outstretched hand. Nabu pulls power forth, and channels it outward.
A sign of an ankh, about the length of my forearm, appears on the surface of the dome. It starts out dim, but starts to glow with brightness and intensity as Nabu pushes, tendrils of gold light scaling the barrier and trying to find purchase on something so slippery and smooth.
I'm stuck watching, waiting. I don't have anything to contribute. Nabu's got this under control.
One of the monitors in front of me starts beeping hysterically. I turn to look at it and the text starts scrolling faster and faster, growing more alarmed -- the font grows bigger, text in red, and number growing higher and higher --
Nabu, I don't think this is a good idea --
**Do not interfere.**
The ground starts to shake, and the monitor topples over with the force. It's beeping, louder, panicking.
Nabu --
There's a whistling sound that burns my ears, that grows infinitesimally quiet way too fast. Then a hiss and a loud BANG!
I'm thrown back into my own body just in time for Giovanni to catch me, five metres away from the edge of the barrier. He gives a pained oof, toppling onto his butt as I land straight on him instead of the ground.
My head spins terribly with the sudden switch. I'm breathing hard.
"That wasn't a good idea," I gasp. "That really wasn't a good idea."
1st December
11:07 EST
I'm the only one sitting on these rows of chairs in the corridor, waiting. Scientists in lab coats run back and forth in my vision, making panicked phone calls and barking orders through walkie-talkies. I'm really tense, but Giovanni had said to wait. I watch him now, heads bent together with the Chief of the lab, trying to figure out what to do.
Should we.. should I be doing something?
Am I holding Nabu back?
**I see no reason to act at this very moment.** Nabu's voice rings in my head. He sounds almost bored.
People are… panicking. Scared.
**While harmless initially, fear is a precursor to chaos. Once the balance is tipped in the enemies' favour,** I see his eye holes flash gold in my mind's eye. **Then shall we act.**
(...not to prevent?)
I'm held back from arguing further when Giovanni begins marching purposefully towards me. I leap to my feet, antsy, and meet him in the middle of the corridor.
He's grim. "Lee, I need to talk to Nabu."
Well, he was already here at the forefront. Switching was becoming easier, especially when we asked for consent with quiet pulses in the mind. I step out of the way, and Nabu fills it seamlessly.
Giovanni continues when he sees gold light overtake my eyes. "We are unable to contact the rest of the League, but there are current members operating within the dome."
Giovanni puts a hand on my shoulder. It's strange, as the older man was taller than me, the body the current Lord of Order was inhabiting. Something just mildly amusing about that to cut through the bleak atmosphere.
"I do not think it is best that you suit up."
Nabu tilts my head questioningly, and I find my mental body mimicking the gesture. Giovanni continues, "Dr Fate should still lay low, at least until we examine the penetrability of this barrier. It wouldn't do to advertise that the good doctor is currently trapped."
Nabu nods slowly, taking it in. "Especially when our current ability to fight is in question."
(He's so -- passive aggressive!!! I can feel your intent, you know! He's not wrong but saying it like that isn't helping...)
"Jenet has given us a communicator with authorization to contact the other League members. They are convalescing at the North-Western quadrant of the park."
"We will be revealing our identity, then."
Giovanni's face relaxes ever so slightly, "Think of it as a reunion."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st December
11:43 EST
The periphery of our shared mindscape -- the place closest to consciousness -- is a quiet, empty expanse. It was more freeform, less solid. The mind palace was where objects could exist with more permanence -- where memory and experience is stored. It was located deeper within, requiring a bit of a 'fall' to get there, putting distance between us and awareness.
I remained at the forefront, watching as Nabu and Giovanni travelled on foot, Felt it was important to be alert, when things were this uncertain. Possibly dangerous.
I won't lie and say I'm not scared.
But the environment of this mindscape wasn't helping at all! It's white and bright and blinding, with a huge window on the horizon line that showed the events taking place in the real world. Sound played as if through a one-directional speaker, rather than realistic surround sound.
I press my imaginary hands together and bring them up to my chin. Hm. Can I do something about this.
Nabu's currently occupied, locked in the waking role. He's starting to think, getting more alert the more he and Giovanni talk.
"Is your connection to the Tower still present?"
"...Not directly. The barrier seems to be able to block our primary magical connection, doesn't seem to be nuanced enough to withhold it completely. Our link is more complex than that."
"That's still not very good."
Nabu wasn't worried yet, per say. But if he had a heartbeat, it would be starting to beat faster.
(he did. it was my heart. my heart was beating a little bit faster.)
This sort of… matter, was commonplace for a superhero. It was going to become a very common thing I would be a part of. And I'm going to drive myself insane if I had to watch it like this every single time something happened.
I needed to change this environment. Even changing it a tiny bit would help.
I rise up, just a little, in consciousness. I was being very very careful not to push or jostle Nabu's role, squeezing myself very small and around him in order to reach full awareness. Of course, he still notices.
**Do not distract me like this if I am occupied with a dire situation.**
I'm pleasantly surprised it wasn't a full on denial! It's okay for now --?
**I can feel your intent. Work quickly.**
That was an invitation if I've ever seen one.
Things feel malleable, like a blob. Even my own being was kind of blobby, not really seeing, not really moving -- more feeling and manipulating and being / not being. I reached up and could feel sensations my body was processing -- sight, sound, taste, smell, and more. Carefully, I pull them down and around Nabu, having a little wire that I could bring down to the mindscape with me and process the outside world.
I leave Nabu's space, giving him room to act freely. His essence shies away from me when I'm moving about -- it feels careful and deliberate, but at the same time, kind of.. reluctant.
He won't trip over the wires, I don't think. They're thin and out of the way, just enough to have a connection, but not send any interference upwards.
Right. I have my sources. What can I do with this?
I take inspiration from fictional stories about mindscapes. They make it seem to easy -- just think, and it'll appear; just think and it'll appear --
A surround sound system of simple black speakers pop into existence in a circle around me. They fall for a few inches before settling with noisy 'clacks' on a blank white floor. From them, I can hear more clearly -- Giovanni breathing hard on my left, the call of a bird to my right, the rustling of strangers behind me.
What else, what else? A computer?
A table pops into existence, with a large LCD monitor. Though it's not plugged into anything, it's turned on. It was currently showing what looked to be a radar, like on those old ships. It pulses with multicoloured dots. Non-visual sensations, given visual form?
Another monitor, with a crude outline of the human body. Descriptions in green.
A third one, with textual data flashing on screen and scrolling upwards faster than I could read.
This was all very clinical, very bare bones. I worked with computers a lot -- doesn't mean I'm comfortable with them, but it was something I was overjoyed to have for now. An improvement to the disconnect I was feeling, by watching through that giant window and taking in nothing else.
**Enough. We are approaching.** I hear Nabu within the mindscape. I turn my attention back to the window on the horizon. Hope things will be okay.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1st December
11:56 EST
The suits definitely looked much cooler in real life.
Batgirl and Black Lightning stand before us, clad in their costumes and masks. Memories of Nabu's previous interactions with them start to surface. Without thinking, I skim the edge of a passing memory to gain an impression.
Loyal, she stands in his shadow, insignificant, blank faced. Thinks herself capable, thinks herself a threat.
A fighter, passion, powerless, still fighting. Heroism for the weak. I saved him. He owes me.
**Do not do that.**
(Sorry!)
"You're the contingent from STAR labs?" Batgirl begins, looking at me. Her hand hovers over her ear, as if waiting for a different kind of communication.
"It's a complicated matter," Giovanni starts to say beside me. Both heroes snap to look at him as he removes his hat. "We were hoping to keep our presence low for now, but it seems our help is needed."
Giovanni grins cheerfully into the stunned silence.
Batgirl recovers first and her jaw clicks shut. "Za-- Zatara. You're back in the field?"
Giovanni grimaces, making a 'so-so' motion with his hand. "Perhaps not this time. I am no longer the host of Doctor Fate."
"But this is him?" Black Lightning takes a step towards me, and Nabu stares up at him impassively. Giovanni pats my back.
"This is Nabu, the embodiment within the helmet of Fate."
"And if we are ready," Nabu says, and I feel a jolt of shock from the other two. "I plan to examine the barrier, and remove it." There's a miniscule pause as the other heroes reassess me.
"By all means, go right ahead," Black Lightning says, spreading his arms wide.
Nabu doesn't spare a look back. I can feel Giovanni tense beside me, but the wearer of my body ignores it, striding purposefully towards the edge of the dome. It looks more solid up close, the tiny hexagons of hard light shards making up a much bigger piece that currently trapped all of Metropolis.
Nabu reaches out a hand, palm facing the barrier but not quite touching it. Sparks of white lightning seem to sense the potential threat, and begin to pool on part of the dome closest to my outstretched hand. Nabu pulls power forth, and channels it outward.
A sign of an ankh, about the length of my forearm, appears on the surface of the dome. It starts out dim, but starts to glow with brightness and intensity as Nabu pushes, tendrils of gold light scaling the barrier and trying to find purchase on something so slippery and smooth.
I'm stuck watching, waiting. I don't have anything to contribute. Nabu's got this under control.
One of the monitors in front of me starts beeping hysterically. I turn to look at it and the text starts scrolling faster and faster, growing more alarmed -- the font grows bigger, text in red, and number growing higher and higher --
Nabu, I don't think this is a good idea --
**Do not interfere.**
The ground starts to shake, and the monitor topples over with the force. It's beeping, louder, panicking.
Nabu --
There's a whistling sound that burns my ears, that grows infinitesimally quiet way too fast. Then a hiss and a loud BANG!
I'm thrown back into my own body just in time for Giovanni to catch me, five metres away from the edge of the barrier. He gives a pained oof, toppling onto his butt as I land straight on him instead of the ground.
My head spins terribly with the sudden switch. I'm breathing hard.
"That wasn't a good idea," I gasp. "That really wasn't a good idea."
Happy to read this, and hope you are doing better!
- Location
- Fox Empire
Hey! I'm really glad to hear that you're doing better. Whatever you choose to do in the future, best of luck to you!
AmusedOracle
Sleepyhearted Hierophant.
- Location
- The Empty Path.
I may offer only platitudes, but hope you find some small measure of comfort in them.
Though it might be trite, I hope you continue on the upward trend.
As per usual, your writing is excellent.
May they bless you.
Though it might be trite, I hope you continue on the upward trend.
As per usual, your writing is excellent.
May they bless you.
Vaalintine
Wild Wondorous Wolfalope
You know at first I liked your representation of Nabu, but now I kinda hate him. He's done nothing but berate or push Lee around.
Also Lee really shouldn't be so forgiving of Zatanna, she really does deserve punishment. She killed Nabu (and presumably ended Lee's life as well) effectively forcing Lee to say yes to being fused with Nabu and becoming his final host, or else they'd both die.
Also Lee really shouldn't be so forgiving of Zatanna, she really does deserve punishment. She killed Nabu (and presumably ended Lee's life as well) effectively forcing Lee to say yes to being fused with Nabu and becoming his final host, or else they'd both die.
I can only give you words on a screen but still, I'm happy to know that this story has given you an anchor and helped you with your personal problems and hope it keeps giving you strength.