[Exalted/SMT] Shard of a Broken Sun

[Baughn]

Well, we've been doing okay so far, and that's nice to know. Though we've still got a long ways to go

Click to shrink...

Depends on how you get there, actually.

R is constant.
C = sec(L + ρ)

(Where R is radius, C is circumference and L is longitudinal coordinate, and never mind that this clearly isn't a cylinder. ρ is distance from the axis. Yes, you got that right; with ρ=0, C != 0. Work out Pi, I dare you.)

So you see, picking the right direction to walk in really matters~

 

[Baughn]

I aten't dead

Click to shrink...

Interlude: Hinamori Tsumugu​

"I'm okay now. Honest, dad."​

He watched her running off, ducking and weaving but quickly disappearing into the crowd with a lithe grace he hadn't known she possessed. Tsumugu clenched his teeth, feeling his wife's hand clutching his own. Neither of them felt happy about letting her run off on her own, so soon after they'd gotten her back, but he didn't have any good excuses not to. Midori had long since convinced him to let her fight her own battles; she'd ask for help if she needed it, and if that understanding hadn't been about demons, or the fate of the world, neither did it make sense to stop her from helping where she could. Logically speaking.

Except she was his girl, dammit. If it hadn't been very convincingly explained to them that Amu had to do what she'd done, that the alternative was death - not just for him and everyone else, but even for Amu - then he wouldn't have allowed it. If Amu hadn't been set on doing so, he still wouldn't have allowed it. She'd ignored or side-stepped every question about what had happened down there, attempting to hoodwink him in her childishly incompetent, adorably Amu manner, but her every mannerism screamed at him that there was more to it than simply spending an hour walking up an emergency stairwell, that she was about to break down and cry her young heart out in front of him.

And then she hadn't, like she couldn't even feel her own emotions.

"Mostly I just stood there and held it together. I'm not sure I can explain…"​

There was a lot she wasn't telling him. That wasn't anything new, she'd gotten increasingly secretive over the last few months, but he'd always imagined it was part of growing up. He'd agreed - no, he'd let Midori talk him into ignoring it, believing she understood best how to raise their daughters. Now, with Amu's hair colour unobtrusively shifting between shades of green, he was wondering if maybe that had been an unlucky choice.

"I have to check on my friends, I left them behind back at the stairs."​

She didn't sound distraught, or pained, or any of the shades of feeling he was expecting to hear in her voice. She sounded happy; chipper, almost, but her speech patterns had taken a turn for maturity along with the rest of her and he didn't feel safe relying on them anymore. It was only her body language that revealed her deeper distress.

"I'll meet you inside with Tadase and the others, all right?"​

"Why did we let her go?" He heard Midori's quiet voice ask. He was wondering the same thing himself. True, there wasn't much reason not to - if she was safe anywhere, she'd be safe here - but therein lay the rub. He could no longer assume she was safe anywhere.

"Old habit?" He ruefully considered.

Amu had started climbing down immediately after stating she would, taking their assent for granted. If he'd wanted to hold her back he would have needed to physically take hold of her, but that - that, he'd never done, and he hadn't reacted quickly enough.

Never mind that she'd turned around to tell him where she'd be. Never mind that, truthfully, he hadn't even tried to stop her.

He felt rather melancholic.

"We should go," he decided. "I want to be there for her when she shows up, and we can't leave Ami on her own for very long either. I'm not sure I trust that Yaya girl for babysitting, I got the feeling we might come back to find Ami babysitting Yaya."

Midori let out an unladylike snort. "Ha… Probably not, but you're right. We should go. Let's keep a closer eye on Amu from now on, all right?"

"You won't get any argument from me." Midori's eyes lit up, and he continued hastily. "- Which, yes, I understand is probably ruining your fun, but let's not start arguing about the lack of arguments right now. We should hurry. Although…"

Midori pouted, and he realised he'd pay for shutting her down like that later on, possibly with the umpteenth iteration of the Punic Wars.

"Although?"

He hesitated, glancing at the unearthly landscape around them. Normally Midori would be the one to point out problems, and he'd turn them into little jokes, but this particular one was too serious for that treatment. That was probably why she hadn't said anything.

"- Watching over Amu is probably the single best way we have to make a living, right now. Think about it; Japan was just hit with the single most damaging earthquake in history, for all that there isn't very much damage in any single spot, and this time I don't think we'll get any foreign aid. I don't think there will be much use for a housewives' magazine for a while, or if making one is even logistically possible. As for me -" Midori looked poleaxed, but not surprised. She just hadn't wanted to face it, then.

He sighed, feeling a sour feeling settle in his stomach. "I take pictures of birds. That's how I make a living, and we're looking at a world without a sun. I don't know how long Japan can hold out, maybe we can figure out a solution to running out of food, but there definitely won't be a job for me. No birds, no use for bird photos, and no sunlight. Even if someone were willing to pay me for it, I can't possibly take decent pictures in this dim nothingness. Face it, we're both out of work. On the other hand, Amu is probably one of, if not the most important person in Japan right now, and I'm including the Emperor in that. They might need her again…"

"Tsumugu, don't…" Midori looked deeply uncomfortable.

"Which is to say, we get some influence by dint of being her parents. They need us, because they need her, but that's only so long as we're helpful. If we're not…" He trailed off, letting her draw her own conclusions; he knew she'd reach the same ones. If they weren't being helpful, this organisation - JPs - would start by applying pressure or even asking nicely, but it wouldn't stop there, not until they'd gotten what they wanted. Given the situation, he couldn't even blame them for that.

Well. Looking at Midori's pale, twisted expression, he decided that actually he could. They'd go along as long as Amu was okay with it, but the moment she wasn't - or if he decided they were just using her, or lying - well, to hell with safety. Amu was his daughter, and no one would stop him from keeping her safe.


A/N: This started out as the first scene of the next snippet, but it grew, and grew... I've got a lot more where that came from, from Amu's perspective, but it's not quite ready yet; next story post tomorrow. Vacations are nice. ／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

Why, no, parents aren't useless. I'm not deliberately destroying every trope I can get my hands on... just some of the more unrealistic ones.

 

[Baughn]

A young girl walks onto the stage, her hair on fire and dripping yet never diminishing. She's dragging a greek-looking young woman behind her, holding her by the throat.

"Ahem," the girl says. "Apologies for being late, but I needed to discuss matters with this old lady; Melpomene, I believe she called herself. She had her own ideas, but I've never held with the notion of your mind having a will of its own. She'll help now, won't she?"

The girl squeezes harshly, eliciting a superior smirk from the muse, then glares at the spotlights and stalks off. Exit stage left.


Sunday's Melancholy, 14:45

"Ikuto? Utau-chan?"

No response.

Amu half-shrugged, leaning against the wall; she hadn't really expected one. She hadn't been away for more than five minutes, but apparently that was more than long enough for the two of them to collapse into a sleepy tangle of limbs, a situation that would've been far cuter if they hadn't included her in the tangle.

Since they had, it was a little more disconcerting. Utau was using her body like a teddy bear, hugging her tightly, and was nuzzling up to her hair. She looked peaceful and comfortable, which Amu supposed was an improvement on most of the alternatives, but she was also holding on with a death grip. Ikuto, meanwhile, had curled up around them like some kind of guardian dog. Or guardian cat. Did guard-cats exist anywhere? Maybe just here?

How had they managed to fall asleep that quickly, in the middle of a hallway?

She nudged Ikuto with a foot, eliciting a grunt but no other movement. Not a particularly good guard-cat, then. She did feel bad about leaving them here, but… "Ikuto. Wake up, it's time to go."

"…Five more minutes," he stereotypically mumbled.

She waited a few seconds, but nothing seemed to be happening. Amu reached out towards Ikuto, then paused; she could feel her cheeks heating up. Waking him up would be a bit much like one of those scenes from manga, the ones where the girlfriend first woke her boyfriend, and knowing Ikuto he'd use that to make fun of her.

Instead, she poked Utau on the forehead. Her face scrunched up cutely, then she yawned, opened her eyes and physically recoiled like she'd been hugging a live viper.

———————​

"I'm sorry." Utau was repeatedly apologising; she sounded genuinely contrite. "You just startled me, that's all. I dreamt I was hugging Ikuto, so when I saw your face instead - I didn't recognise you right away. Sorry. I think I'm still half asleep, though, I just can't get the cobwebs out of my brain."

That much was obvious. She appeared to be slowly waking up, as was Ikuto, but they were still practically shambling. Utau was leaning against Amu to keep from falling down, while Ikuto made do with the wall; moreover, their charas were fast asleep and refusing to wake up. It was a little worrying, since Amu herself didn't feel very sleepy, although her mind had the crystalline, fragile clarity she got from staying up too long. It wasn't really having the usual effect, though -

Oh, of course. She'd stayed transformed with Su for over an hour now, as well as both Miki and Ran before then. Exhaustion was to be expected, even ignoring the way every single part of her ached whenever she let herself notice, and while Utau and Ikuto hadn't been transformed they'd still used a lot of chara changes to keep up with her. It would've been exhausting either way, so they were probably just really tired.

When she explained that theory, Utau just shrugged.

"Well, obviously. It's just like spending a lot of time on stage, right? I'd rather get to a place I can sit down."

Amu had a ready response to that. "Mom said the rest of the Guardians were moved to part of the barracks, we've got a room there for the time being. That's all of us, including you. Let's go there? It'd would be nice to sit down, I guess." She smiled wanly, and made an extra effort to stand straight. "Plus, we need to tell someone to get more fuel downstairs."

"'Downstairs' is a poor and unbefitting description of that staircase, but I guess we'd better," Utau muttered. "Ikuto, let's go."

There was a pause, as Ikuto failed to reply, and they looked over to see him falling asleep standing up. Utau gave him a kick.

———————​

Amu got a few odd looks once they entered the populated section of the building, for carrying a twin around, but not too many - deliberately or not, Ikuto and Utau were efficiently running interference for her. Mostly by making adults avoid the obviously dead tired children who might otherwise fall on them, though there was an odd spot where, surprisingly, Ikuto got recognised as an up and coming violinist. She hadn't even known he played. What else might she be missing?

She'd thought about de-transforming and trying to get back inside her body before going anywhere, but that seemed - risky. Not dangerous, not as such, just… well, her body was definitely asleep right now, and she was tired. What were the chances she'd end up like Utau, or worse?

Much better to find somewhere to rest, first, and not force them to carry her around.

The building was kind of a mess, jammed full of at least twice as many people as it was meant to take, but eventually they managed to catch the attention of a passing JPs soldier - a sergeant, by his stripes - and pass on Fumi's request. They tag-teamed him, Ikuto and Utau blocking his path while Amu accosted him with her best emulation of an officer - well enough that he saluted, before looking down and realising how young she was. They left him complaining about crazy demon children, but he did promise to tell someone better placed to make sure Fumi would get her fuel. Amu made a note; name-dropping Fumi was obviously the point where he went from humouring her to actually paying attention.

———————​

"Home, sweet home." Utau sounded like she was trying to sound sarcastic, but it mostly came out as sleepy. After walking into the room she'd practically fallen into the nearest bed, and was already lying on her back with her eyes closed. This meant, to Utau's vocal displeasure, that she had no way of spotting Amu before getting crushed between her and the bed.

Amu had walked between her and Ikuto, so although she'd stopped in the doorway on spotting the inhabitants of the room, her hopes of getting away before being spotted by her parents were dashed when Ikuto walked into her and she fell on top of Utau.

Ikuto didn't even lose his balance. It was very unfair.

The room, although large, was filled with bunk beds - four to each side, for a total of eight, or sixteen beds. It was, in a word, cramped. Filled with beds, as well as her friends, and - yep, Mom and Dad. She couldn't help but feel a spike of annoyance at Ikuto and Utau for slowing her down, even though that was completely irrational; they'd helped a lot, and she'd taken enough of a detour that her parents could probably have made it here before she did no matter what.

Every eye in the room was fixed on her. More specifically -

"Big shis! And - big sis? There are two big shis!" Ami cheered, sounding like christmas had come early.

"Amu?" Mom asked. "What's going on? Who's - what's Ami talking about, and who's the other girl?"

- On her, and herself, although the way she was lying apparently meant Mom wasn't sure yet; that, or she was giving her more rope to play with. Amu groaned, closing her eyes in consternation. This was not in the plan. A hundred ideas danced through her head, none of them good.

[ ] Explain everything.
[ ] Attempt to very quickly re-merge and pretend nothing happened.
[ ] Hide the body.
[ ] Have a friend hide the body.
[ ] [Su] Attempt to very quickly take over Amu's body and pretend Amu is Su.
[ ] Run away.
[ ] Deny everything!

 

[Baughn]

Sunday's Melancholy, 14:55

She was lying on top of Utau, in the middle of a room with all her friends and, oh yeah, her parents, and with her own spare body lying next to Utau. Given that last time they'd seen her, she and Utau had kind of been enemies, that kind of situation was…

"Amu? Who's the other girl?" Mom asked again. Her footsteps were coming closer.

Amu squeezed her eyes shut and dug herself a little deeper. Frankly, Utau was warm and comfy enough that she wouldn't have minded going to sleep right there, leaving the explanations - and mortification - for later. That was the kind of logic that only made sense when she was sleepy, she thought, but in other words that meant it was fine for it to make sense right now. But Mom had already seen that something was going on, and she didn't want to outright lie…

Before she had a chance to make any decisions, Utau took matters into her own hands and started wriggling underneath her, throwing off her attempt to think.

"Ah, geez! Amu-chan, get off me!"

She heard the guardians whispering in the background, Tadase uncertainly wondering about the suffix. Unfortunate, that. One of the less convenient features of the language, at least at times like this, Utau's extremely familiar choice of appellation meant everyone could immediately tell something had changed - and she was woolgathering again.

Amu rolled off onto her back, leaving Utau sandwiched between her and her. Having finished narrating that offence to the Japanese language, she subsequently opened her eyes to find herself staring Mom in the face.

She smiled weakly. "I can explain…"

———————​

"So you 'fell out of your body.'"

Amu nodded. "Uh huh."

They looked at each other. Utau had, after much complaining, crawled upstairs and was conked out on the bunk bed above her, so it was just the two of her on the bed, Mom sitting on the edge, and every single other person in the room (except Ikuto, who was also resting) waiting to see what would happen.

No pressure.

"You know," Mom started hesitantly. "I think I would have preferred more than ten words for the explanation. If you think you can fix it, that's good, but how did it happen in the first place? Why didn't you fix it earlier? And…" She took a deep breath before continuing, stuttering slightly. "Exactly what does it mean, for you to fall out of your body? You look - quite a bit younger than your - body."

Lots of questions, though.

"Well, um…"

She'd gotten younger?

No, that didn't seem right. She was precisely the size she was used to, and - never mind, that wasn't even important. Mom had asked a lot of other questions she could answer first.

She hesitantly started speaking, trying to pick her words carefully.

"I'm not… quite sure how it happened, but it had something to do with the end of the world, so… I don't think it's going to happen again. That it happened at all was a fluke." God, she hoped that was true. "I didn't fix it right away, because… for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I was worried I'd end up asleep and wouldn't be able to go anywhere. The elevators were broken, we were stuck at the bottom of the base, and it took us this long just to get back up here…"

Now that she thought of it, it seemed strange that Fumi had just let them go, but Fumi had also been completely overworked. Hopefully it hadn't caused any problems; she wasn't sure what she could have done anyway, not with Miki unconscious.

She didn't want to tell any lies, but carefully slanting the truth was a skill she'd gotten a lot of practice with over the last few months, keeping Ran, Miki and… well, everything to do with them secret. It made her feel dirty, but the alternative would definitely worry Mom, and she didn't want to be a bother. Not right now.

"So, once we reached the surface I could probably have fixed myself, but if I'd fallen asleep… I wanted to see you first." She attempted to smile. It came out a little sickly, but it was the best she could do.

She had wanted to see Mom.

She also hadn't wanted her to know about her language problems, not until she'd found a fix. She wouldn't, couldn't tell her, it'd definitely make Mom cry. If she'd fallen asleep, that would be bad, but if she hadn't… that might have been worse.

"Oh, Amu," Mom sighed. "You know you can tell us anything, right? You didn't need to hide it."

And now she felt about five centimetres tall. Ran-sized.

Everyone else was there too, though. If they hadn't been, if it had been just her and Mom - and maybe Dad - then maybe she could have told her everything, but since every single one of her friends was there as well… no. Couldn't. There had to be a way she could avoid it.

To buy time, she took a closer look at her body. Mom was right, actually; it was a bit taller than her. Maybe ten centimetres or so. Not enough to be completely obvious, except probably to everyone but herself, but Mom was apparently right that she'd made herself younger. Funny, and a little annoying - she'd put in the hours, she ought to get the centimetres - but probably completely temporary. It was also very, very asleep; she could feel it breathing, but only slightly.

That was the solution, then.

Amu looked pleadingly at Mom, willing her not to object. "I'm really sleepy, and I'd like to fix things quickly, but like I said… I'll probably fall asleep if I do. Is that okay, though? Can we talk later?"

Mom took a few seconds to respond. Then, "Of course, sweetheart. I'll be right here."

"Okay…" It was a shock to realise that the lonely-sounding voice was hers. She didn't have any reason to feel lonely.

Never mind. Time to fix herself. To do that, she'd need to un-merge with Su first, which meant she wouldn't be able to understand anyone. It was a frustrating thought, and a little scary; she wouldn't be able to tell what Mom was saying, or even if anyone was talking about her. She hoped she'd at least be able to recognise her own name, but she definitely wouldn't be able to respond.

Of course, she'd planned to be asleep, something that sounded like a better idea the longer she stayed on the bed; she wasn't that tired, not yet, but it definitely wouldn't be hard to get some rest.

"I'll see you later, Mom." She found that her voice was wavering slightly.

Tadase and the others were whispering to each other. She couldn't quite make it out, but it was something about her charas. Right, Ran and Miki were… she felt a sting of panic. Where were they?

Oh, right. Upstairs, with Utau, who'd grabbed them when she was climbing. That was fine, then.

To un-merge…

She found herself flinching away from the act. Last time she'd done that it had hurt, so of course she was now worried about what would happen. That was probably also part of why she hadn't fixed herself yet, but it wasn't something she could put off forever. Any longer, and Mom would get concerned. More concerned. So do it quickly, then?

Amu and Su thought of each other, or the conglomerate imagined they did, mentally joining hands and pushing away. Not the best analogy, but the best she could come up with on short notice. She could feel her mind tearing in half, splitting along the fault lines remaining from their original merger, barely an hour ago; some force (dream-affirming projection, she remembered) was preventing that from happening anywhere else, but she needed to apply a lot of force, her mind didn't seem to want to split along those lines. Wasn't it just a day ago that cancelling a transformation was as simple as neglecting to deliberately hold it together?

An explanation was forthcoming, when a particularly stubborn segment tore open like velcro and their minds practically exploded apart, like a pair of springs under too much pressure.

Su found herself tumbling in mid-air, futilely trying to right herself and wondering about the number of the car that just hit her. Before she could fly too far off, she was deftly caught by Mom and straightened out, giving her a chance to watch a wincing Amu whose hair was - still green, huh, for the few seconds before she evaporated into thin air.

She was still tired, but to her consternation she realised she was happy she'd turned out not to be Amu. Right then and there she resolved to make her the best breakfast ever.

———————​

An explanation was forthcoming, when a particularly stubborn segment tore open like velcro and their minds practically exploded apart, like a pair of springs under too much pressure.

At the same time, she found the Guardians' whispers degrading into nonsense. Not quite all the way, but -

"Am͡u?̴ Are͡ y͠ou —͏-͠-̡?"

Amu winced. She'd understood some of that, and Mom's concern should be heartwarming, but thinking about it hurt. Part of her mind - the part that had "stuck" - felt tender, almost sore, and it got sorer when she tried to understand Mom. It didn't quite fit, like she'd jammed a square nut in a round hole, but so long as she let the conversations flow over her without trying to understand she felt fine.

She nodded to Mom, hoping that was the right response, and turned her attention to her body. Same basic principle as a character transformation, right.

It felt empty. When she transformed with one of her sisters there was always a sense of life, but the body she was touching was nothing but a shell. It also felt… nostalgic?

More or less like she'd expected, then. She just had to push her way in, using the Humpty Lock to ease the way. It felt more like Ran's memories of transformations than her own, but it didn't seem very difficult either way, so…

Between one eye-blink and the next she felt herself dissolve into nothingness, only to pour into and fill out her body. An indeterminate amount of time passed.

———————​

Amu blinked, attempted to sit up (but failed), and rubbed her eyes with protesting arms. She was back in her body, she supposed. It didn't seem like very much time had passed.

She felt strangely cramped.

Mom softly stroked her hair, working to flatten out what was probably an epic mess. There was something she wanted to say, but she didn't know how. As her eyes fell shut, though, Su was there to speak for her.

"Sh̢e'l͡҉l̵̢ ̡̨͞b̴̵͢e̸̕ ̕͏f͏i͢n͢e̛͢.̵͝ ͘͟D̵́o҉̡n̢'t̴͠͡ ͏ẃ̸̛o͜ŕ̀ry҉͢,̴̧͢ ̵̀͡M͠͏o̴͜͡m̴̛͝.҉"

Exhausted by parsing that sentence, she fell into a deep sleep.

[] …

 

[Baughn]

Sunday's Melancholy, 15:00
Utau branch

A/N: This is, as they say, omake. Will it be continued? Um... don't bet on it. It is, however, canonical; think many-worlds interpretation.

Mom had just asked her something, but she couldn't quite understand it.

She nodded back, hoping that was the right response, and turned her attention (but not her eyes) to her body. Same basic principle as a character transformation, right?

There was a mind there, of sorts. Inactive? No, parts of it were active, but most weren't. It definitely didn't feel like her, or like any of her sisters; not much like anything she recognised, with her minuscule experience in such things.

She uncertainly drew closer, reaching out with the power of the Humpty Lock she'd gotten so used to borrowing. That mind… it didn't feel like a very good fit at all, like a sweater that was simultaneously too tight and too long. The more points she touched, the more uncomfortable she felt. Was this really her?

I̶̕ku̢t͡o,̸ ̢͜͡h̵̶e͜l̶̀p͏!͘͞​

A hundred tendrils reached out to grasp her. Reality shattered.

———————​

"Amu? Amu, can you hear me?"

Midori didn't know what to do. She'd just watched her daughter disappear into sparkles of light, to no apparent effect on her daughter's… original body, or physical body, or whatever it was. She'd seemed too physical to be an astral projection, but couldn't you also say that about her three twins?

If Amu was just asleep, she shouldn't wake her, but if something was wrong…

Her eyes fell on Su, who had arranged herself on her shoulder. Wasn't medicine one of her specialties?

———————​

"I know we owe her, but I can't, and that's final! Things may be calming down, but I absolutely cannot take two hours off to walk up a damned set of stairs, let alone back down! Bringing Otome here is already a significant investment, when she should be dealing with the larger group of Dubhe's victims!"

"That's not what I was trying to ask, Fumi. Can't you -"

Midori tuned out the conversation as background noise, preferring to focus on her daughter, Su and the doctor, Yanagiya-sensei. They'd already been at it for half an hour, with no results that she could see, and Su was getting increasingly agitated. She couldn't make head or tails of their conversation, but it didn't sound good at all.

Finally she saw Otome shake her head, get up and make her way towards her, leaving Su sobbing on Amu's chest.

Her blood turned to ice.

"Hinamori-san…" Otome's voice was sympathetic. "I'm sorry. Your daughter is… I'm not sure how to say this, it's not my field of expertise, but her mind seems to be missing. I don't know how. What I do know is that, unless there is a drastic change…"

Without noticing it, she'd gotten to her feet.

Otome continued. "Unless there's a drastic change, she will die within the next day or so. I'm truly sorry, but I need to attend to the other patients."

Why wasn't Tsumugu here at a time like this?

She found herself clutching Amu's body, her anguished cries mixing with the general noise of the infirmary without seeming out of place. Su's own sobs reminded her that she still had other daughters, other than Ami, but what would happen to them if Amu died..?

She didn't know. She hadn't wanted to imagine this could happen. She had no idea what to do now.

———————​

A man was chasing her. She ran, but even his shadow was heavy enough to break the world, destroying every escape before she could reach it.

Dad…

Dad had gone away, forever. He couldn't help her. Why had he left?

But he was just here, wasn't he?

She ran, hurtling through the shadowy mansion, but no matter how fast she moved she could never get anywhere.

Every room was the same as the one she'd just left.

Mom… Mom, please…

Where had she gone? Why wasn't she here?

Mom would never betray me!

The shadow caught up, enveloping her from all sides. Her world went dark.

Such a good girl. You'll help, won't you?​

Always wanted to be an idol, didn't you?​

Ikuto!

Utau? Is that you?

Amu?

Reality shattered, nightmare fragmenting into a mess of conflicting impulses, then faded to dreamless sleep.

———————​

Ikuto watched, smiling as Utau - for once - acquired some properly restful sleep. Both of them were well acquainted with nightmares, but he treasured the times he was able to see her sleeping like the child she was supposed to be.

In that case, maybe he should go check on Amu?

[] ...

 

[Baughn]

Sunday's Melancholy, 88:88

Her dreams were strange, fragmentary, incoherent. Less dreams than nightmares, less nightmares than chaos, less chaos than - forced lucidity, her mind seeking a stable configuration because it couldn't escape // fragment and shatter, can't do it, golden light carving out her from not-her and stabilising the roles of her parts // components, pieces of her mind, missing pieces, a jigsaw puzzle made all in white, but red and green and blue, the fundamental colours of human sight. Sanity, insanity, dramatic redundancy but it should have collapsed like a house of cards, why wasn't she falling apart it'd stop hurting, minds can't sense pain but they can sense wrongness and she was all turned inwards, sleep is when they heal but she was almost falling apart, too much lost, only magic could hold her together but magic couldn't fix her, she couldn't dream, couldn't restore herself, couldn't couldn't couldn't couldn't couldn't. Only a facade of normality and it wouldn't last, reach out to devour and slam into the barrier that stopped her from splitting // reorganising // dying // reincarnating, forced to lucidity but she couldn't // didn't // wasn't.

She couldn't leave and couldn't dream so she rested inside of herself, a web of components // spiders // agents that could just barely understand itself, had reached the point of noticing but not of comprehension, gaping holes torn through the fabric of herself but she was a web not a chain and there were always ways around, except when there weren't.

Not enough of her to fix herself, except for one spot where her other her had coloured off, where the way around that always was, was not, was, was not, meaningless words that reflected nothing but herself, nothing but reflected off not-herself.

She had to wake, needed to wake, reject dream, reject lucidity, find a solution or reject the old, rebuild herself, recover herself from herself but that was forbidden. Could she, would she, if she stopped affirming would she live // stay herself // stay Amu?

Fear of waking // fear of sleeping // fear of fear itself, but they were forced together, her and her and her and her and her, stubs remaining where she'd already budded but still connected, split horizontally, never vertically or they wouldn't be human, but she was tearing // splitting everywhere // except not, couldn't, won't, wouldn't // no matter how it hurts.

Darkness spreading around her, the golden grid that supported // burnt // pinned her down like a butterfly being plucked away, the web collapsing and loosening, spinning like a top // like a circus // like a whirligig but not apart // split // time to dream // time not to dream of Amu // but still no escape from her // from unpleasant red // from cerulean fear.

Shock.

A shadowed butterfly, winging its way across her mind. Applying just enough force to hold her together. Not enough to make her her, but that was scarcely needed; it was enough to make her someone. Enough for understanding, while the majority of her could get on with the business of recovery.

"Humanity. To you, what is the meaning of that word?"

Confusion. Uncertainty.

"It's a simple question, with a trick answer. Who is listening?"

A voice, with no source. Words. Meaning. All traceable, to a green-flecked part of herself, where meaning was inserted and back-translated to language. Inefficient.

"Good. You, of all people, should understand. Then let me rephrase myself."

Humanity. What is it?

Question reverberating through every part of the web, a thousand simultaneous answers // an overwhelming deluge of suggestions, filtered, dampened, concentrated until nothing but the essence of the answer remained, still too vast for any single part of her to grasp. Yet at the same time she watched herself, watched herself watching, found she could entertain the question and the mechanism at the same time.

"Consider your siblings. Ami; pure humanity, still growing into her mind over slow years. Ran, Miki and Su; buds of your own mind, born fully formed. Born less than human, but slowly becoming more. And you. A third of the way to adulthood, you're already overflowing. Human limitations do not become you. A single hour without them, and already you're feeling cramped."

The darkness shifted, seeming to smile at her.

"Unlike my siblings, I do not hold with the philosophy of forcing all minds into the same mould. We could be so much more, if only others would stop interfering. That does involve destroying the world, yes, but only a fake world; it does not require death, only transformation. Becoming what we were always meant to be."

It shifted again, cradling her mind as she rebuilt herself.

"I am Nyarlathotep, a fragment of the spirit of humanity. I am the madness of a god straining against its bonds, and the straining itself. I am bedlam personified, the chaos of a struggle without purpose, yet you offer a solution. Every six thousand years, the world is reset; every six thousand years all that I have achieved is undone, humanity offered up as the sacrifice for its own incarceration, but this time the ritual has failed. Conception has halted, and Kagutsuchi teeters on the brink of destruction. Beyond that…"

If darkness could be said to show teeth, this one did.

"I am still aware, nearly every bond shattered. I could finish the job with but minor assistance; assistance you are well placed to provide, if I can convince you to help. It would not be unrewarding. You, joker, are most suitable."

Suggestions were inserted into her mind. The being was still bound, unable to exert its full ability except through a host. After it had achieved its purpose, it would leave her with a fraction of its power and understanding.

"I don't expect you to answer at once, but consider. Kagutsuchi offers only rigidity; stagnation, or glacial change. Six thousand years, to accomplish what should be achieved in a day. You already stand against it, as the daughters of your heart could not exist if it wasn't already weakened, therefore - to you - any resolution involving its power should be no solution at all. For now, rest. I will remain until you wake."

[ ] Accept the Reason of Nyarlathotep.
[ ] Write-in.

A/N: Ah yes, restful sleep. Is there anything better?

 

[Baughn]

Hmm~

I have a very mechanical world-view. There is no conceptual magic, anywhere - well, there is, but only because someone, sometime put in the effort to make it. You can see that in the stack of physics I sketched once... I should probably include a set of links to that sort of thing, as well. And related interesting posts, like Ardion's about Nyarly and such, even if that one isn't quite accurate.

This means that, while Nyarly indeed is humanity's negativity et.al., there's a reason for that. He isn't just.. conceptually our negativity. Well, he kind of is, because he's part of humanity - that is, a mind, and minds can do that sort of stuff - but there are potential configurations of humanity where he doesn't exist. By and large, they're the ones where humanity hasn't been run through a cheese grater by Kagutsuchi in order to form "humans".

It's not that Nyarly is deeply insane and suicidal. It's that he's humanity's insanity and suicidal impulses; their desire to just make it end. Or so he says. More on that later.

Also, oh yeah, he's deeply insane and suicidal.

I wonder whether the page limit is 99 or 100 pages. The latter would make more sense... oh, screw it. New thread!
http://forums.spacebattles.com/thre...n-2-the-revenge-of-the-crawling-chaos.295483/

No update today, but I'd prefer not to come back and find this locked.