You give it some thought. Isidoros because you like fighting? Kinda obvious, but maybe too obvious. If there's one thing learning to deal with Daji has taught you, it's that there's no reason to assume this soul shit's ever gonna make it easy on you. So an Isidoros soul that's a stubborn piece of shit you'll have to fight over everything? Maybe, maybe. But there's the Ebon Dragon influence, so easily forgotten. You've had one foot in the grave since you were born and to hear Sidir tell it you've only gotten worse since you Exalted. Maybe there's something else, maybe that's why that place is in your-
You blink. You're staring out over the railing but you're not seeing anything. You're standing there next to Daji but you're not feeling anything. Your body feels numb, muted. You barely sense the rise and fall of your chest, the rush of air in your lungs. Your breath comes in slow sips, raspy, laboured.
You're cold. You're so cold you can't stand it. You're so cold that for the second time you can remember, you shiver. You think you raise your arms and hug yourself, clutch your arms tight. All you hear is wind and all you see is falling snow and your breath turning to mist and all you feel is-
someone standing behind you.
You whirl, hand jerking over your shoulder to grasp the hilt of your sword. Daji yelps and springs away from you. Your wide, wild eyes dart left and right, searching for the presence and finding nothing. All you see is your reflection in the curved glass, murky and backlit by the green sun. All you see is you. You screw your eyes shut tight and swallow.
"Sorry," you murmur. "Sorry, thought... could've sworn- nevermind." It takes a lot of effort to pry the emerald talons off your sword. Your heart's pounding like a drum, like you just ran all the way here at a dead sprint without even stopping to breathe. What the fuck's wrong with you?
"What happened?" Daji asks. "Are you okay?"
"I think we should head home now," you say quickly. "We've been out too long already, it's not safe."
"Don't dodge the question I asked you-"
"Daji." They flinch, just a little, and it's like a physical pain in your chest. You clench your jaw and screw your eyes shut, like you're trying to fight back a headache. You take a breath. It rattles a little on the way out. You open your eyes again and meet their gaze.
"Please."
Daji nods slightly. "Okay," they say softly, and shuffle to the other side of you. You're about to ask what they're doing when you feel their warm hands wrap around yours through the glove, clawed fingers lacing together with yours. "I remember the way we came, we'll retrace our steps?"
You reach over and gently, gingerly, pat them on the head. They squirm but not out of discomfort, the altogether foxlike whiney squeak they make in the back of their throat is proof enough of that. You're smiling a little, you think. It's an unfamiliar feeling so you'd need a mirror to be sure, but... it helps.
The way back is easier. Neither of you speak beyond the bare minimum. You hope the walk will clear your head but the fog lingers stubbornly, clinging to the cracks and grooves, every hidden nook and cranny. Your thoughts get lost in it, turned around, lose their way and trail off into oblivion. If it weren't for Daji holding your hand you wonder if you'd feel anything at all. It's only when you return to the Conventicle and the two of you are climbing the long, winding path up the hill to your mansion that your wits seem to return to you. You step out in front to push open the double doors and linger to close them behind Daji. Blessed, cavernous silence fills the foyer as the lock clicks and the two of you are finally alone.
You take a deep breath, still holding onto the handles as if reluctant to pull away and trust your own legs again. You half-turn to face Daji. "So," you say. "I uh- I hope that was what you were looking for. Or that you had fun. Or whatever."
Daji fiddles with their claws, long voluminous sleeves hanging so low their hands practically vanish. "I um. I really did have fun today, you know," they say haltingly. "I really liked getting to spend time with you like this. Thank you."
"Heh. Wasn't so bad for me either." You lapse into awkward silence, what you had planned to say to them wen you got home dying before it even reaches your lips much less threatening to be spoken aloud. You fiddle with the door handle slightly, working over the words in your head. "You know, you don't... have to go back in yet," you say. "Into the-" you gesture at your chest region "-whatever we call it."
"Soulscape," says Daji.
"Soulscape. I still don't want you going out without me but... I dunno. If it's just in the house it's alright. If you wanna. Stay out. Take a look around. Or anything."
Daji smiles. It makes your lips twitch up a little too. You barely recognise them compared to the haughty little shit-stirrer demon you first met on the road to Thousand Steps. You can barely name how it makes you feel. But if they're smiling it can't be that bad, can it?
"I actually wanna head back inside for a while if that's okay?" they ask. "Might as well check in on Sidir, make sure he didn't set fire to anything."
"Hah. Yeah good call."
You're both in unexplored territory here, but you figure what works for inanimate objects should work for souls too, so you stretch out your prosthetic arm and raise your hand palm-out toward Daji. They stretch out in kind, and at the slightest touch to the glowing emerald they just seem to discorporate into streams of blood and spirals of ink scribbling out alien words. In the blink of an eye they're drawn back into the depths of your soul and you're alone again.
<See you in the morning maybe?>
"See you in the morning," you say.
You get to finish that bath you started earlier. It doesn't help as much as it should. You sit there in the tub, near-scalding water still failing to bring any colour to your skin, and at times it feels like you aren't warming up at all. Again and again your thoughts return to that strange feeling on the lookout point, that indescribable chill that set your body trembling and your breath misting. Only the waters of the underworld have ever made you so cold before. You sink down deeper, drawing your arms in and hugging yourself again, only your head left above the surface as you will the water to please just warm you up. You stare up at the ceiling and all you can think of is the presence you felt, the shape in the glass. The shadow flitting through the ruins of your old home the first time you entered the soulscape.
"If I already have another soul, why won't you show yourself?" you murmur to the empty air. There's no answer waiting for you.
Your majordomo comes calling just as you get out and start towelling off. You let him in, modesty preserved by your armour as it clings to you in shadowy tatters, growing with each new patch of dry skin. As it turns out Lilunu has an unexpected free place in her schedule tomorrow morning - and only in the Conventicle do things like 'tomorrow' and 'morning' really mean much, as only Lilunu could ever dare dim the green sun's light without inviting retaliation, according to the majordomo anyway. You ask for an early wake-up call and head off to that huge, fancy, way-too-soft bed of yours to try and get some sleep.
You sleep like shit. Your head's this grey morass of thoughts that're too cloudy and sluggish to be legibile but moving too fast to ignore and sleep on. You toss and you turn trying to find a comfortable position and every time you move your stomach wound aches and drives sleep even further away. One minute you have too few blankets, the other too many. Fuck, you never thought you could be this prissy about a bed, you've literally slept in a hole in the ground and liked it. Maybe it's the green glow outside, even muted and barely filtering through the curtains now that the majordomo called your attention to it you can't stop thinking about it. Can't stop thinking about the way things work in Hell, period. It feels like you've barely managed to close your tired, aching eyes and drift away when you hear the demon in question knocking at your door, calling that you're two hours out from your appointment with Lilunu just like you wanted. You kind of want to throttle yourself.
You wash up again just to be sure - not like you know how bad you smell - and eat a light breakfast of steamed buns full of Whatever The Fuck the cook put in them. You say goodbye to the majordomo, dodge the neomah on the way out, and head off at a brisk walk down the hill to try and get the blood flowing again. Everything's taking too long to kick in, like it still thinks you're asleep, and now that it's finally happening your thoughts are swarming again. Will Lilunu be in a good mood? What happens if you catch her in a bad one? How the hell will she react to finding out you've been growing souls, let alone that you also have a Halphas problem to deal with? And past that, just at the back of your mind, you're thinking about the incident at the lookout. What if that happens again and Lilunu can't see it? What if it does and she can? You sigh irritably. Too many variables.
<Morning, boss.> Daji's voice is a welcome reprieve from the nightmare of being alone with your own thoughts. <I bring news from the big guy.>
"Hey Daji. Let's hear it."
<He's planning to come back in time to see Lilunu so he can properly participate - says she's responsible for coadjutors so it'd be incomprehensibly rude if he didn't - he just needs time to freshen up and straighten out for the big meeting.>
"Makes sense." There's still the matter of what his problem is that sent him running scared for the day in the first place, but that's definitely a discussion for later. "We'll be talking about you and this whole arrangement but it's important we... try to finesse this more than not at all. So I need you to wait until I call before you go jumping out-"
<Really. You're gonna lecture me about having any level of finesse?>
You make a noise halfway between a 'tch' and a laugh. "I can be considerate when I wanna be you little bastard," you say without venom. "Just haven't met many people who deserve it."
Daji fades into the background somewhere, maybe finding somewhere to lounge artfully in the 'command centre' of your soulscape. Your journey takes you to the foot of the colossal patchwork castle that is the heart of the Conventicle once more, stretching up and out in an almost interwoven pattern of architectural styles and materials. You plan to sit your ass outside until someone comes and gets you rather than chance wandering the labyrinthine halls unsupervised, so luckily the grounds are significantly more... sane in construction and aesthetic. You'd even go so far as to say they look nice, in that otherworldly, Hellish sort of way. The pools and ponds may be blood red and acid green but they're lined with flowerbeds of brilliant emerald and red-violet and black-veined brass so lustrous it's almost golden. There are trees everywhere, sculpted in impossible shapes like invisible hands guiding a flow of quicksilver, stretching toward the false sky with artfully-crooked roots rather than branches. There are even hedgerows with black leaves, rounded or squared off with the kind of precision you normally reserve for architecture, not gardening (you assume, not like you've ever owned a garden). If you didn't have someplace to be you'd be tempted to go wandering to see more of it. Instead your eyes do the wandering, skipping across the rolling landscaped sweep of the gardens over to the finely carved and lavishly decorated gazebo off in the corner-
where a shadow stands.
You're moving before you have time to think. You take off, arms pumping, legs coiling and springing as you leap over a hedge and land in a dead run. The shadow rabbits, darting left and hurtling through the silvery trees without a moment's hesitation.
<whoah what're you doing now, chasing squirrels!?> Daji exclaims, voice wavering as if your haste were sending the whole soulscape swaying.
"That thing's another soul," you hiss through gritted teeth, cutting the corner at the gazebo and careening off in the shadow's wake down the east gardens. You cross a slow-flowing stream of blood, the crimson wood footbridge audibly protesting as you thunder over. "He's been taunting me but I've got him the litte fuck."
<a-are you sure?> Daji asks. <I told you Sidir and I were alone, I looked everywhere and->
"It's him," you snap. "I saw him when I was there and I saw him watching now and I'll be damned if I let this shitstain get caught and ruin everything."
You think Daji says something about being careful but you're not paying attention. Your eyes are fixed squarely forward, at the next obstacle and at the shadow that flees forever one step ahead of you. It leads you along the side of the castle and out the back, across the grounds further than you knew they even went. Down a steep hill that grows steeper by the second, you half-slip and commit and just slide the rest of the way. You come up still running and spy the shadow ducking into a greenhouse, an immense and palatial complex in its own right, a work of art in its own right, all sheets of emerald cut thin as glass set in silver frames, exotic plants from all over Hell growing in neat rows within. The shadow stops inside, lets you get a slightly better look at it. Person-shaped you think, at least the outline, it's wreathed in a kind of black fog but you can tell that much. Isn't even looking at you, isn't even worried you'll catch up, and you can only imagine the stupid look on that piece of shit's face when you set your shoulder and plunge through-
You remember where you are and how stupid that would be just a hair's breadth before it'd be too late. You windmill your arms wildly, dig your heels in, and gouge two great furrows in the grassy earth skidding to a stop just before you go careening through the glass. You huff out a harsh, ragged breath of relief. It mists on the Greenhouse wall, crackling and condensing into frost like one big snowflake.
You snarl and duck toward the door. In the mere handful of seconds you take your eye off the shadow it practically vanishes, barely glimpsed headed deeper into the greenhouse. You wrench open the door you find - if it was locked it definitely isn't now - and barrel inside like a bull through a fine antiquities shop. The heat and humidity is oppressive, almost suffocating, but you barely notice with the trailing edges of the Shadow's (coat? cloak?) still in view. Left, right, around into a side room and down a set of stairs, you only belatedly notice that greenhouses probably aren't meant to be built like this once you descend the sixth loop of spiralling stairs down into the depths of the Conventicle.
<I really don't know if this is worth it!> Daji says, filling in for Sidir quite nicely. <We have an appointment to keep, remember? Just leave it alone and we'll ask->
You let out a snarl of satisfaction. You descend the last step and come to a long, narrow hall, surfaced in rough black stone on all four sides, leading to what looks like a glass-walled dead-end. The shadow stands at the far end, one hand on the glass, unmoving. You keep running, hurtling towards that mocking silhouette, stretching out your hand to grasp at its shoulder and demand answers-
The shadow turns to smoke. THUNK. You slam your brass shoulder into the glass wall full-force, rebounding and staggering back in surprise more than pain. Blinking owlishly and whirling around this way and that, hunting for any sign of the shadow. But there's nothing. Nothing but the room you're in, a simple stone-walled observation ring encircling some kind of enclosure. That glass must be tough as hell, you slammed into it like a battering ram and it doesn't even have a mark. As to what lies beyond...
Oh.
Shit.
What lies beyond is a dragon. A massive, maimed, mutant dragon like what you'd get from the fevered dreams of some demon-summoner. The beast is skinless, freshly flayed muscle glistening wetly in what little light there is down here, bare silver veins visibly twitching and pulsing with each beat of its great heart, spurs and flanges of blackened bone rising up from the shuddering skeins of hypersensitive meat like dozens of jagged knives, a crown of four horns twisting and branching from its brow like warped antlers. It looks like it went unfinished, or maybe some parts of it wasted away without flesh to protect them, and sleek machinery of breathless complexity created to replace what was lost. Swooping, polished curves and arcs of sapphire and translucent blue glass, lapis lazuli talons the size of boat hooks clawing and scratching and grasping at everything in reach. It's crying, weeping bitter tears of toxic green that sizzle and smoke as they burn blackened tracks down the vulnerable meat of its snout, where it drips onto its arms and underbelly. The wind swirls violently with each frantic flap of its great wings, so great they don't even fit in the enclosure, not all the way. The dragon's roaring, bellowing to the roof of its prison, screaming in complete soundlessness as the glass robs its cries of all strength.
What lies beyond is a dragon that just saw you because you slammed into the side of its cage like a fucking idiot. Its great green eye opens wide, the pupil a vertical slit harsh and sharp as a stab-wound, as its cries hitch. Just long enough, you assume, to process that there's something in the room it can take its anger out on before it twists to face yu and carves open the wall of its cell with one brutal swipe of its foreclaw.
"Shit-!" You throw yourself out of the way but it's a near thing, near enough that even if you don't get cut in half by the beast's talons you still feel like you've been sideswiped by an entire building. Glass as thick as your arm shatters into jagged shards the size of swords, tearing free of the stone frame in showers of rubble and debris, the seal breaks and all at once you're assaulted by the sheer fury and noise of the dragon's cries. It's like your skull is in a vice, like tentpegs being slowly driven in both ears, like your brain is pressing against the inside of your skull behind your eyes and it's hard to think let alone move. The dragon doesn't stop there, flailing madly in every direction, slashing and gouging and pulverising everywhere it can reach. It's all you can do to scramble to your feet and run, get ahead of the storm of scything talons. In that impact-addled moment it really does feel like a storm, like something too massive and powerful to even comprehend on your scale has decided to make it its personal mission to grind you into paste. There's so much dust in the air you can barely see, the ground shaking so hard beneath your feet it's all you can do to keep your balance.
Its talons descend and you only have a moment, one heartbeat to save yourself. You lift your sword and block it and it's like a mountain falling on you. You always thought you were strong now, that you could take care of pretty much anything. This is something else. This makes your bones shiver, makes your arms jerk and your sword nearly slip from your hands. One leg buckles. The other bows. It's all you can do to keep yourself up on one knee, to push back and fight with all the strength in your body.
Scarlet smoke and jet-black ink flows from your arm, curling over your sword and looping past one of the dragon's massive claws. You blink stupidly once or twice before the realisation hits, before you truly comprehend what a stupid thing Daji's doing. You manage a dry-throated "hey" but who knows if Daji can even hear you by then, sprinting up the dragon's arm like a bloody blur. The dragon's head lunges forward, biruficated jaws snapping shut like a steel trap, and your heart freezes. Daji's in the air, leaping artfully over the top of it, gathering their power and firing ribbons and streamers of scarlet and sable into the dragon's weeping, smoking face. The dragon recoils, bleeding sparkling mercury and hissing acid, jerking back just enough to let you slip out from under its indescribable weight, and its other hand instinctively rises to crush Daji against its skull like a fly. Again the demon makes a daring leap, sailing back across the enclosure and towards you as the dragon instead only manages to claw its own face.
If you thought it was screaming before, you hadn't heard anything yet. The dragon's thrashing only redoubles in fresh agony, clawing at the walls of its prison either side like a baby shaking its fist in helpless anger and misery. It's a sight as pitiable as it is bizarre but you've no time to ponder the finer points of it, you're too busy picking Daji up by the scruff of their robes and hurling them ahead of you, hurtling and leaping over the rubble and jagged chasms in the floor the demonic dragon left between you and the stairs. You're allowed only the briefest stab of hope before it's crushed again, crushed just like half the fucking room all around you by the skinless dragon dropping it's big fucking foreclaw on top of it and raking its talons through solid stone like soft earth. You yank Daji back just as quickly, turning to face the beast to ready for the next attack.
"What the fuck are you doing out here!?" you bark, raising your sword.
"Saving your life because you can't go five minutes without making someone want to kill you!" they retort.
"It's not my fault that- look out!"
You give them a hard shove that sends them sprawling and step towards them. It's not much, not enough to dodge, but you're more ready for it than last time. The dragon's claw descends and you swing to meet it. Sapphire keens and screams against brass as you divert the calamitous slash down and to the right, green embers dancing at your brow as Isidoros' power pulses in your veins. You step into the swing and follow through as the foreclaw fully descends and the earth shakes beneath your feet, spinning and raising your sword high for the retaliatory blow that hews this fucking dragon's hand off at the wrist so it'll think twice before-
"NO!"
A voice rings out, fear and shock and anguish and panic all mixed together into a potent cocktail of emotion that strikes your ear harder than any of the dragon's screams. You freeze in place, sword overhead and ready to fall, whip your head around toward the source. And you see her. You see Lilunu frozen mid-stride, stretching out her hand, pleading with you to stop. You stop, though it may be more out of shock and bewilderment as to why she cares about this insane rampaging monster so much than purehearted obedience.
Then you're backhanded for your trouble and you see nothing but stars for a minute there. You're launched into the wall a good distance away but you don't really perceive that part, just the absolutely mind-numbing hammer of pain to every single muscle and bone in your body then you blink and you're crumpled in a heap on the floor with Daji crouched beside you and shaking you. It's hard to breathe let alone speak, drawing in more stone dust than air every time you try. Eventually you let out a long, low groan, and plant your sword in the rubble (at least it didn't fucking break again), forcing yourself to rise at least high enough to see what's going on.
You see Lilunu, perched at the very edge of the ruined enclosure on what little unbroken chunks of floor are left. You see the dragon crouched down low to meet her, momentarily 'docile' for lack of a better word. She's cradling its jaws in her cupped hands, stroking the bare bone and soothing the dragon as it... sobs. Sucking in deep, hard, shuddery breaths like a child that only just finished bawling its eyes out, the burn scars still stark on its cheeks. The unfinished monstrosit gives a miserable sniffle, blinking blearily as its wide green eyes struggle to focus.
"it h-hu-hurts" it whimpers.
"Shh, shh. I know. I know." Lilunu's voice is soft yet strong, never wavering. If it weren't for the raw terror you saw etched across her face only moments before you'd think her unflappable. "You just ran out of your medicine, but we'll get you more, okay? You'll have more very soon, you've been so brave already."
Daji takes as much of your weight as they can, helps you rise as far as they can. Your own grunting and wincing finally, belatedly, draws Lilunu's attention from the dragon. That moment when your eyes lock seems to stretch on into eternity, a moment frozen in time as you both struggle to figure out what to say. There's a pain in her eyes almost as sharp as the dragon's, melancholy in her downcast face as her lips finally part to speak. But it's not her voice that rings out through the buried bunker, loud and booming and commanding.
"Throwing such a tantrum at a time like this?" comes the voice of Orabilis, echoing down the spiral stairs and along the cold stone corridor. "I am unhappy, Leviathan. Most unhappy."
If you thought you saw panic and terror in Lilunu's eyes before, it was nothing compared to what you see now. She whips her head around to gaze down the corridor, as if expecting to see him step into view that very second. She turns to the dragon, to Leviathan, already recoiling with fear of its own at the prospect of facing its seeming jailer's wrath. And then she turns to you, you and Daji, sitting there dusty and bedraggled in the rubble with no way out save past Orabilis.
"(I'm sorry,)" she whispers, and lurches away from Leviathan.
It's a whirlwind of movement and sound, of Leviathan's increasingly frightened and desperate screams as Lilunu rushes toward you. She slices away the solid stone beside you with a single gesture, carving out a doorway and a room beyond. She grabs you and Daji both by the scruff of the neck, hauling you upright and hurling you into the darkness beyond with ease no doubt born of desperation. It's no bigger than a cupboard or a wardrobe inside, the cramped space only growing more cramped as Lilunu dives into the shadows herself, and as she seals the doorway behind her the impromptu stone tomb is plunged into darkness. Only the ghostly green glow of your arm lights your prison, and the thick layer of stone does little to muffle the dragon's anguished cries.
"Why are-"
You don't get more than two words out. Lilunu thrusts out her hand arm and pins you against the far wall, smothering you with her gloved hand - and it's only now you realise it's no glove but iridescent carapace like some demonic insect, the clawed tips of her fingers digging painfully into the skin. She takes no chances with Daji, looping her other arm around them and pinning them against her body, hand over their mouth. The two of you exchange a shocked, questioning look. You lift your gaze but Lilunu's eyes aren't there to meet it. She's looking to the side, as if right through the solid rock, waiting with bated breath for what comes next.
There's no air. Even if there was, Lilunu isn't letting you draw it in. You're suffocating, that air-starved burn in your lungs slowly growing stronger and stronger, and by their uncomfortable squirming you figure Daji's not doing much better. The silence, the stillness, the muffled cries, it seems to go on forever as you wait and wait and wait for Orabilis to do whatever it is he came to do and get it over with. And it's only when your last nerve has frayed and you almost think he's given up and left that you finally hear it.
"It gives me no pleasure to discipline you. But disobedience has consequences."
You hear it. It's like a hundred blades all ramming home in quivering, bloody meat at once. You hear it, Leviathan's high-pitched scream of utter agony tapering off into a sickened whimper. You feel it as Lilunu recoils, flinching as if she were the one impaled, pressed into the corner of your shared tomb. She turns away from you, eyes screwed tightly shut. Tears glisten in the green glow of your arm as they roll down her cheeks. Outside it finally, mercifully, falls quiet.
"And only minutes before a formal appointment with one of our most... high-profile Green Sun Princes," Orabilis tut tuts, the pompous condescension worming its way through the layer of stone like a drill-bit. "One could only imagine the scandal were you to make a spectacle of yourself in public. But for now, it seems, you remain our little secret."
A moment's silence. You can almost imagine his cruel smile.
"Sleep well, little dragon."
Silence. Still, painful, agonising silence. You don't dare try to wriggle free and breathe. You're all still waiting, all still straining your ears. None of you can hear Orabilis' footsteps. None of you can hear Leviathan any more. How long are you stuck there, scared and suffocating? It's hard to tell. Time blurs. Your chest hurts. You think your vision starts to swim. There's something familiar about the sensation. The pulse-freezing fear of being discovered, that moving a muscle will give away the game, the curious cocktail of terror and tedium as you wonder when it will be safe to come out. You try to think back to how long the corridor was, how long it took you to cross it at a sprint, how long it'd take Orabilis to cross at a leisurely stroll when finally, at long last, Lilunu pulls her hands away. You and Daji slump forward, gasping for breath that won't come. Lilunu carves open the doorway once more and air floods your coffin, rushes into your lungs sweeter than ever. You stumble out into (relatively) fresh air and drag Daji aside with you, squatting down to check if they're alright.
Lilunu doesn't speak. She barely even moves. When you rise again she's standing at the edge of the enclosure, newly repaired as if Leviathan never broke free. She stands with one hand pressed against the glass, the other hanging listless by her side. She stands trembling slightly, helplessly. She stands staring down at the insensate form of the skinless hybrid dragon, pinned to the floor of its enclosure like some specimen to be dissected, muzzled by molten glass. Finally, mercifully, passed out from the pain. A murky green-silver pool of acid and quicksilver slowly spreads from its wounds.
"(You were never supposed to see me like this,)" she whispers.
You don't know how you didn't realise it sooner.
The pitiful, malformed thing imprisoned down here is as much a part of her is Daji is of you. And if you had difficulty accepting them when it was just you and Sidir dealing with it, you can scarcely begin to fucking imagine the pain and shame and sickening dread that Lilunu must be feeling right now. In that deathly silence even the sound of you swallowing seems deafening. That day in the underworld is flashing in your head, Daji's voice close to tears ringing out in your ears, Sidir's reserved judgement and your own festering self-loathing. You have to make it right. You have to do something. Say something. Now.
[ ] Let Daji speak. Anything they have to say is probably going to be more insightful, and definitely more eloquent, than you ever could come up with. You want their perspective.
[ ] Hold Daji back. The last thing you want is to look like you're hiding behind your soul. You chased the shadow down here. You provoked Leviathan. This is your responsibility.
[ ] Put your hand on her shoulder. Gently. Sometimes actions are better than words and- well it might be a long shot, you don't know if she's weird about being touched like you are. But if it makes her feel less alone then maybe it's worth the risk.
[ ] Tell her about Qiangong and Yanxiu. Gods and demons may be apples and oranges but those two had so much guilt and shame and self-loathing in them it's a wonder they didn't drown in it long before you arrived. You didn't think yourself much for heart-to-hearts then either. But you helped them. They even seemed grateful after it all. So at the very least it proves you aren't judgemental, hah.
[ ] Tell her about you and Daji. The good and the bad. That moment of deep, unsettling, nauseous uncertainty of who you were and who you were becoming. Daji may not have had the... condition Leviathan has but maybe, just maybe, the two of you can figure out how to manage your souls together.
[ ] Tell her about the shadow. A part of you you still can't name, a part that came before even Daji but still evades you, still refuses to be known. A part that, whether knowingly or unknowingly, led you here. Maybe that counts for something?
[ ] Tell her the one thing you've never told anyone else. What made you what you are and set you on the path that brought you here. Maybe then you can make her believe that you could never judge her for what you've seen.
