A day of travel passed with surprising speed in Lucy and Feyra's company. I could tell that Lucy remained bothered by Kalice's treatment of her, but the forced smile that had emerged during that encounter made no further appearances after our parting. In its place, I was granted a frankly ridiculous number of its more sincere cousins. I didn't even want to think about what sort of social isolation she must have lived through for our simple conversations to bring her so much joy… Though, perhaps the magnitude had more to do with her feelings for me than the communication itself.
Regardless, outside our bumpy start the day of travel ended without further incident, and before I knew it we were setting up our tents. Or rather, Lucy and Feyra set up said tents, while I observed from a slight distance and did my best to learn. To be honest, I much preferred the idea of creating a stone haven for myself over setting up something so complicated, but Lucy had gone to the trouble of securing a tent fit for two people and I was hardly going to invalidate her efforts.
"Well," I began once the tents had been secured, "now that that's taken care of, I'm afraid I have something that needs doing. In the woods. It won't take me longer than a moment."
"Because that's not at all suspicious," Feyra grumbled. "Why the hell didn't you do it earlier? Instead of, say, standing around uselessly while we were putting up tents?"
"I think it's sweet that Eena wants to learn how to help," Lucy declared, giving me a bright smile. "Though you really could have done it then! I don't mind putting it up by myself."
"Nonsense," I protested. "It's our abode, if only for one night at a time. I should at least be able to contribute something to its construction…"
"Next time, then," Lucy promised. "I'll walk you through it step by step if I need to!"
Ignoring the fact that I could practically hear the eye rolling coming from Feyra's direction, I gave Lucy a serious nod of my head to broadcast my dedication and turned towards the trees. "I'll be back in a moment," I promised.
Truthfully, Feyra was likely right about me wasting a better opportunity. Delivering my letter to Abigail while Feyra was busy with her tent might have worked to prevent her from paying too much attention to what I was up to. If something went wrong with my teleportation, and I ended up teleporting along with my missive… Well, it would be preferable to have her distracted. At the same time, however, I stood by what I said - Lucy had secured a tent for us both, and pursuing my own interests while she set it up for us simply hadn't been an option.
Still, I had to admit that the sentiment had put me in something of a bind. I had little time for my task, if I wanted to preempt any potential shenanigans on Feyra's side. I suspected it would take more than a few minutes of absence for her to get ideas about revealing my true identity to Lucy, but considering the precarious nature of the current status quo… Well, the less time spent away from the duo, the better.
To that end, I reached into my pack, quickly withdrawing pen and paper from within the Empty Bag hidden within. Though I technically had some of the latter stashed in the pack proper - the better to pad it out - the paper I had hidden was wrinkle free. The pen, meanwhile, was best left within the confines of my holy artifact, where there was no chance of it breaking apart or leaking ink on my belongings, no matter how rough I got.
Considering the rush I was in, I chose to share relatively little in my initial missive. The fact that some humans had abilities akin to monster girls needed to be relayed, but I could - and did - choose to leave out the complexities of the so-called cursed and blessed bloodlines. Feyra's existence was similarly significant, paired with the fact that she had learned my identity, and of course the deal I had struck with her. The same precarious deal that necessitated my use of letters for communication going forward. As such I asked that she write anything I needed to know down and place it on the teleport pad, so that I could try and transport it to myself before sending her further information from my end.
Once all of that was dealt with, I stored my pen once again and pulled out my teleportation circle in its place. A simple, if pretty, metal disk, with intersecting lines carved seemingly at random across its surface, and random dots sprinkled about its face. The design was all but meaningless - likely meant only to keep people from copying it too easily - but there was still a certain beauty to be found in the randomness, so far as I was concerned. Whoever had created it had done a masterful job.
In the tower, one could use a circle such as this to teleport by simply standing upon it and pouring magic into it. So long as you - or whoever was operating the thing - knew the exact location of its twin, you would instantly be teleported from one circle to the other within an instant. It was a process I had always taken for granted in the tower. It wasn't until recently that I had discovered what should have been obvious to me long ago - that such teleportation magic simply wasn't possible with the meager amounts of arcane magic that the circles required. Indeed, the arcane magic worked as nothing more than a trigger, with the process itself being done through holy magic stored within the tower.
A startling discovery for me, yet it had only drawn a shrug from Abigail. She had gone on to inform me of the numerous 'miracles' the tower provided for its inhabitants - from garbage disposal sites that would simply and cleanly eliminate all waste, to floors where the sun shined down upon our crops despite us theoretically being indoors. And, of course, the lighting of the tower, including my own floor - something I'd never given much thought to, much to my chagrin. Though, in my defense, none of those things had ever applied to me directly! I'd never gone down to the crop growing floors, had never been required to throw out my own garbage, and could see in the dark so well that there was no real difference between night and day for me to begin with. Of course, looking at it another way, that only meant that I'd never taken much interest in how our people managed to stay fed, had never cleaned up any of my own messes, and hadn't cared enough to wonder how people other than me managed to find their way around a tower that barely even bothered with torches, beyond what was needed for ambiance.
…In any case, now that I knew that the tower had holy magic, I was far less concerned with the teleportation disk requesting some of my own to function. As such, I placed the letter upon its surface, pressed my finger down upon it, allowed it to pull holy magic from my body, and immediately found myself standing atop its twin in my bedroom.
"Well, that didn't work as I planned…"
"Devilla?!" Abigail called, leaping off my bed so fast that you'd think it a hot stove, rather than an extravagantly plush mattress. She ran towards me just as fast, and for a moment I thought I would get a repeat of Lucy's tackling hug. Instead, she slowed a step or two away from me, with a look that relayed not excitement, but relief. "Thank the Fallen… I wasn't sure you'd be coming back today."
"I wasn't planning on it," I admitted, glancing down at the letter by my feet. A quick bit of magic had it floating up to my hand, the better to be snatched from the air and handed off to a confused Abigail. "The letter should explain everything. I'll be back soon, alright?"
"Not alright!" Abigail cried out, an instant before I teleported.
Which, of course, meant I had to teleport right back again.
"What do you mean it's not alright?" I questioned her upon returning. "Did something happen?"
Abigail let out a breath I hadn't seen her take, no doubt relieved that I'd returned. The circumstances must truly have been dire.
"Yeah, something happened," she confirmed. "I met with Nivera and Chloe."
"Not Sallina?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow.
"...I wasn't exactly looking to meet another General after what happened last time," Abigail admitted with a shrug. "And it was fine. Nivera even apologized. Sorta."
"If it went fine, then why are you so relieved to see me?" I questioned her. "And where's Bailey?"
"Because what didn't go so fine was us crashing Araina's meeting with a member of the uh… Alees… sand... Whatever Alira's family is called. And Bailey's sleeping by your feet. It's been a long day."
I paused, taking a moment to glance down at the floor. I didn't see her at first - not until I craned my head around, and saw her curled up in the corner behind me, her chest rising and falling smoothly.
"The Aleesendra family?" I asked, lowering my voice in deference to the horned wolf's rest, even as I smiled down at her sleeping form. It seemed she'd gained the ability to stay a wolf in her sleep at some point. Perhaps because she was no longer weak from malnourishment? "Why would Araina be meeting with her?"
"Because she got into your head that you were firing her. And because Alira's granddaughter, Mellany, lied about being able to help with her image. Which is why we need you to meet with Araina, to calm her down. And maybe with Mellany, if you want to hear her out? Which Chloe seems to think would be a good idea, at least."
"Just Chloe?" I queried, arching an eyebrow. "Not Nivera?"
"Nivera doesn't want to go near anyone in Alira's family with a ten foot pole. She's pissed at what they did to you, and also about what was done to you to begin with. Also also, she doesn't hate you. Hell, I think you might be one of the only people in the tower she actually cares about."
"That doesn't even make sense!" I protested, unintentionally raising my voice in the process. My breath caught a moment after, and I spared a glance at Bailey, whose ear twitched as she kicked out a leg in her sleep. She didn't wake, though.
"Well, why don't you tell her that?" Abigail asked. "By which I mean literally tell her that. You guys haven't talked in, like, fifteen years, right? I think you're overdue for a conversation."
"I can't," I protested. "I… well, the letter explains it more thoroughly, but… I cannot afford to leave Lucy alone. Things might fall apart if I do."
"Well, things might fall apart here if you don't," Abigail countered. "Or at least Araina will. I'm pretty sure Mellany has some way of spiting us planned out if we don't meet with her, though - she just seems like the type. And let's not forget the whole debacle that came up with my last attempt to meet a General. I'm still not sold on Nivera's plan of acting like she's bribing me for info on you… Don't get me wrong, I'd love to take a few troubles off your plate, but I'm out of my depth here."
"As am I…" I sighed. "In fact, the only ones who seem to know what they're doing at the moment are Chloe and Nivera…"
"Who seem to think they need you to settle everything down," Abigail reminded me, letting out a sigh of her own as she shook her head. "Maybe I can ask them to buy us time? How long is this whole 'can't leave Lucy alone' thing going to last, anyways?"
"I don't know," I admitted. "I suppose I'll have to ask how long our journey will last, and get back to you."
"You never asked…?" Abigail shook her head and sighed. "Whatever. Just… get back to me as soon as you can, alright? I'll try to work something out."
"Thank you… Abby," I said, trying not to flush with embarrassment at my daring use of a friendly nickname, even as I attempted to reassure her with a firm nod of my own head. Then, with another application of arcane and holy magic, I was back in the woods.
As was a certain sleeping wolf, whose tail had landed upon the disk without my noticing.
So, as some of you may be aware, I actually reread Demon Queened from start to finish in preparation for this chapter - it's something I do now and again, to refresh myself on what I've already written. It helped me to remember a couple important details, and - just as importantly - helped firm up my grasp on the characters. Unfortunately, it may have also resulted in Devilla "backsliding" a little as early!Devilla is fresh in my mind. I don't think it's to an inappropriate degree, personally? I'm actually pretty fond of how she came out! But it's definitely something worth noting. (Though I'm not sure how much it'll stand out to people who aren't me.)
As far as comments on the chapter itself go... Well, the chapter's not that long, but it was actually packed with quite a few things of import. Like Bailey! I argued with myself a lot on whether to let her stay in wolf form while asleep, but ultimately decided that it was fairly small power up that would allow me to have a lot of fun in the upcoming chapters... I hope you'll look forward to it.
We also finally got the result of Devilla's teleportation experiments! There wasn't really a good way to fit it into the flow of the story before now, so I've been sitting on it all this time... (Though she obviously didn't experiment with it enough if she thought she could get away with just sending the letter! Poor girl thought she had a workable plan, but it's all falling apart.)
And then there's Devilla using a nickname for Abigail. It might not seem like much, but coming from Devilla... well, between that and her comments on Lucy's happiness, it seems like she's starting to accept that some people actually like her?????? Even though she doesn't understand it. Or expect it to last....
Many thanks to Lulla and FallingLeaf for beta and proofreading respectively! And thank you all for reading, too~!
PS: I'm very much looking forward to the next chapter's release~! It's about 3 times the length of this chapter, and... Well, you'll see in a week! (Or right now, if you want to head over to Patreon. Membership starts at a dollar! It and 37 are still undergoing proofreading though.)
Note: So, I know some people like to skim (or even skip) the sex scenes in Demon Queened, and that's okay! But you might not want to do that this time. It's a lot less graphic than normal, and a lot more plot relevant. (That said, if you really can't handle it, nothing there is absolutely crucial - just skip down to the last three paragraphs and you should be good.)
Devilla
"Bailey…" I fought the urge to groan or place my hands upon my face, choosing instead to look around me for a moment to ensure there was no sign of Feyra or Lucy in the vicinity. Satisfied with our isolation, I put forth the one-way sound seal I had learned from Lucy, and kneeled down to gently shake Bailey awake.
The horned wolf's ear flicked up a moment before her head did, her snout narrowly missing my face. Her tongue, on the other hand, hit the mark of my cheek quite expertly.
"Bailey!" I repeated, the word coming out much whiny than I would have liked. I reminded myself, firmly, that this wasn't the wolf girl's fault. I was the one who hadn't bothered to so much as nudge her away from the teleportation circle before activating it. The one who'd failed to notice her tail so close to my feet. "Do you know where we are?"
Bailey looked around, no doubt taking in the trees before turning her head back towards me and shaking her head slightly.
"Silly question." I sighed and shook my head. "Let me try again - do you know where we aren't?"
This time I received a nod of confirmation from the wolf, followed by her standing.
"Stay in wolf form, for the moment," I told her, preferring to be on the safe side. "I… need to take care of something, real quick."
Namely, checking in on Lucy. It was possible that Feyra had noticed my teleportations out of the area and subsequent absences. Hopefully she hadn't taken advantage of my time away to do anything I would regret - if she had, there was little I could do but face the music, but if she hadn't… Well, I couldn't shake the fear that she might take the gamble on my third disappearance, even if she hadn't done so on my first or second. If I were in her shoes, I might very well convince myself that it was a 'now or never' type of affair. I wanted to at least show my face in front of her and Lucy before that could happen.
Bailey, thankfully, nodded her assent without argument. I granted her a smile in turn, before dispelling my sound seal and turning towards our campsite. It wasn't hard to find - I simply listened for the sound of idle chatter. Though what I heard was more along the lines of 'excited babble,' as Lucy told Feyra about her not-date with me in excruciating detail. With a particular focus upon the faces I had apparently made at several points, and how 'cute' I had looked when the thought of indirect kissing had popped into my head.
Needless to say, I decided to rush my return to the campsite, abandoning all concern for the preservation of my magic and levitating myself over the twigs and stones to reach the two of them as fast as possible.
"Eena!" Lucy called out, once I'd broken through the treeline. "I was just telling Feyra about the hot sauce you have! It's really spicy, isn't it?"
"It seems to me that you were telling her far more than that," I remarked, painfully aware of the blush upon my features. "Did you really need to go into such detail about the shade of my cheeks after our skewer exchange?"
"It was the second best part, though!" Lucy exclaimed with a grin bright enough to blind.
"I know I'm going to regret asking this," Feyra said, "but considering you spent the last five minutes talking about the 'second best' bit, what the fuck was the first?"
"Watching Eena eat," Lucy answered instantly. "She gets this really blissful look on her face whenever she eats something good! Which is also how I know she didn't really like the skewer she took from me - not as much as she liked the other one - but she ate it anyway, because she knew I couldn't handle it as well as her! It was really nice being cared about, like that."
"B-Be that as it may," I said, fully aware of - but helpless to fight against - the fire further invading my cheeks, "I actually had something else that I wished to talk to you about. Namely, a question as to how long you think this trip will take?"
How long, in other words, would I be keeping Abigail waiting?
"Well…" Lucy began, hesitating a moment. From the look in her eyes, she obviously wished to know the reason behind my inquiry. She held that curiosity in check, though, as she mentally went over the trip in her mind. "We made pretty good time today, so… probably another two days to reach Daroom Woods? Then however long it'll take to clear the issue, plus the return trip, so…. Somewhere around a week, maybe?"
"A week…" There was no way I could ask Abigail to wait a week, was there? Especially if there was a chance it might take longer. There was also no way that I could spend extended periods away from Feyra and Lucy to deal with tower issues… At least not alone. But they didn't have to be alone, did they? Not if I asked Bailey to keep an eye on them. To stand in for me, as a presence to keep Feyra at bay… Lucy was already acquainted with the horned wolf, so it likely wouldn't be hard to convince her of Bailey's friendliness.
That left another issue, though - explaining my absences. Could I really disappear for hours on end, in the middle of our trip, without raising Lucy's concern? Without her questioning where I went? …Maybe. She probably wouldn't ask if I didn't wish to tell. She'd accept it, along with my other secrets, just as she'd accepted my question just a moment prior.
But was I satisfied with that? With leaving her completely out of the loop? Hiding everything from her, without so much as a crumb of information to satisfy her no doubt burning curiosity? How was I meant to be building trust with her if I didn't tell heranything?
"Eena?" Lucy asked me, worry writ clearly across her furrowed brow. "Is everything okay?"
"It is," I confirmed, nodding my head. "It's just…" I took a deep breath, allowing myself to wonder for a moment if I was making the right decision, before ruthlessly grinding that concern to dust beneath my mental heel. Lucy deserved my trust. Even if I couldn't tell her all my secrets, I wanted to tell her what I could. "There's someone I need you to meet. Can you follow me?"
"Alright!" Lucy agreed, moving towards me without a moment's hesitation.
Feyra, for her part, opened her mouth to say something - perhaps to protest - only to hesitate a moment as her gaze flicked between the two of us. Then she sighed. "I'll get the campfire going. Some of us actually have to worry about monsters attacking, you know?"
"We won't be far," I promised her, gently taking Lucy's hand and leading her back towards Bailey.
The redhead, for her part, seemed to hesitate a moment at Feyra's words, but ultimately surrendered herself to me with a faint squeeze of my hand. Still, I could tell that she was worried, from the way she glanced back towards Feyra now and again. As such, I chose to stop part way towards my goal, setting up a sound seal once we were suitably far from Feyra's sight and whistling to attract Bailey's attention.
Or trying to whistle, anyway.
"What are you doing?" Lucy asked, watching curiously as I blew air through my pursed lips, to no avail.
"Calling a friend," I informed her. "Or at least I'm trying to…" I didn't understand it. I knew how to whistle. I knew I did. I'd done it plenty as Jacob. But somehow, the knowledge wasn't translating right… perhaps because it had become more a matter of muscle memory than actual knowledge? In fact, I couldn't even recall the precise instructions, now that I searched my memories for them. Jacob must have learned it somewhere, yet no matter how hard I focused the memories would not surface…
"If she's close enough to hear you whistle, can't you just call for her?" Lucy suggested, stifling a giggle behind her gauntleted hand.
"...Bailey!" I called, wishing I could bury this memory as well as Jacob had his whistling tutorial. "Can you hear me?"
A short bark was my reply, followed quickly by the presence of the horned wolf herself, much to Lucy's apparent surprise.
"You kept her?" Lucy asked, her eyes wide.
"More like she insisted on being kept by me," I replied, bending down a little to scratch the girl behind the ear. It was weird to treat her like a wolf, considering my desire to help her adapt as a demon, but Bailey's true nature wasn't something I was willing to get into. At least not directly. It would bring up too many questions about why I, personally, needed to keep my identity a secret despite willingly admitting to consorting with a demon. Still, to leave Lucy entirely in the dark about the nature of her new traveling companion felt wrong. So, once again, I would have to compromise. "She's different from the average monster. Smarter. I consider her to be on par with a human, at least in terms of raw intellect. Though I'm afraid her social skills are a little lacking…"
"Well, she's not growling at me, anymore," Lucy pointed out, pulling her hand from mine so that she could cautiously move it towards Bailey. The wolf girl allowed it, thankfully, her eyes closing in bliss as Lucy's fingers scratched behind her other ear. "I think that's already a big improvement!"
"Would you like to try communicating with her?" I asked, kneeling down besides her and running my fingers through her fur. "She's capable of using telepathy, of sorts - though you'd have to ingest a bit of her fur."
"You shouldn't suggest that too casually," Lucy warned me, frowning. "Lots of people would get really upset if they heard you saying that…" Despite having said that, she still reached out for Bailey's back. "Can I?"
Bailey hesitated for a moment, glancing in my direction, before nodding. Lucy thankfully didn't pluck the fur, but instead used a delicate dab of magic to cut a single strand. When I reached out to take a strand for myself, though, Bailey surprised me by pulling away.
"...You want to have a conversation with her alone?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.
Bailey nodded, her tongue lolling forth from her mouth in a way that somehow seemed to convey amusement to me.
For my part, I hesitated a moment before nodding my assent. There was no such pause on Lucy's side, however, as she instantly swallowed the hair, summoning a large glob of water to wash it down.
"It's just like using a potion, right?" she asked, closing her eyes. "Got it~! Let's see…" Lucy trailed off, her brow furrowing for a moment, and for the first time I got to witness what my conversations with Bailey must have looked like from the outside. And there was, in fact, a surprising amount to see - Lucy's expression flickered from happy, to serious, to sad, to happy again in the span of mere seconds. Afterwards, her eyes darted towards mine.
"...What?" I asked, stepping backwards a little.
"Bailey told me how you met," Lucy responded, with a small, sad smile. "And what she went through with her pack… but also how you've been a way better pack leader to her? Even though you'll never admit it, since you're always so hard on yourself. Then she threatened to stab and bite me a bunch if I ever hurt you, but she also said that she really hoped I could help you! And that she was rooting for me! As well as another girl?"
"Another…" I frowned. "You mean Abigail? She's just a friend. And I'm lucky that she'll even consider me that…"
"Abigail, huh?" Lucy asked. Her voice had a teasing tone to it - but though it matched her smile, and even her eyes, I couldn't help the nervousness that suddenly pervaded me. "Are you sure she's really just a friend? Because Bailey seemed to think otherwise."
"I'm sure," I promised. "Though, since we're on the subject, I did wish to broach the topic of monogamy with you… Namely in terms of how you feel about me sleeping with other people, as I highly doubt anyone but you would ever want me for more than my body."
The smile fell from Lucy's lips, and for a moment I thought she was about to tell me off for even suggesting the idea.
"I really wish you wouldn't talk about yourself like that," she said instead. "I mean, I fell for you, didn't I? So other people might fall for you too! But even if they don't, I think the fact that someone fell for you is proof enough that it can happen… and, also, I don't mind if you sleep with other people, but if you actually want to get together with someone else I'd like to meet them! Assuming you're interested in dating me, anyway?"
"I… I'm not… I mean, I'm not opposed to dating you, I suppose, but you shouldn't… I mean…" I paused, unsure of what I was even trying to say. "...I'll introduce you, one day…"
I had a feeling the two would enjoy teaming up to drive me insane.
"So is that everything you wanted to bring me here for?" Lucy asked, grinning as she scratched Bailey behind the ear again. "Because I really don't want to leave Feyra alone too long!"
"That's only part one, I'm afraid," I admitted with a grimace. "Though 'leaving Feyra alone' is, in fact, part of what I wanted to talk about."
"What do you mean?"
"The truth is…" Once more I hesitated, wondering if I truly wished to share yet more potentially incriminating information with Lucy. Once more, I took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "Feyra figured out who and what I am. She wants to tell you. In fact, the only reason she's kept silent is because she's of the mistaken belief that I would hurt the both of you if the truth came to light. An untenable situation, to say the least… Especially since I might need to leave for brief periods, during the coming nights."
"Wait, that's why she's keeping quiet?" Lucy asked, her brow furrowing. "I thought it was because I told her I didn't want to know…"
I blinked. "You… knew?"
"I knew that she knows," Lucy confirmed, nodding. "She said she figured something out with her magic sight. But I told her I only want to hear it from you! And I do, when you're ready."
For a moment it felt like my heart was going to stop. A mixture of emotions were welling up inside me, warring for control. Frustration that I couldn't trust Feyra to keep silent, despite her fear. Sadness that I had to rely on fear to begin with. Happiness and gratitude for Lucy, who was keeping to her promise of trust, and… guilt. Guilt, because even though she'd go so far due to her trust in me, I still wasn't ready to trust her back. Not yet, at least. But if not now, then… when?
"After we're done with this mission," I decided. "I'll tell you everything."
"You don't have to!" Lucy protested me, much to my surprise. "I mean, it's fine if you want to? But you shouldn't tell me just because of a deadline! You should tell me because you want to."
"I do want to," I assured her, reaching out to gently take her arms. "I want to tell you everything. I just… can't. Which is why I need to force myself. Why I need a deadline. Without one, I fear I'll never cease my delays."
Lucy frowned at me, for a moment, before giving me the most reluctant nod I'd ever seen. "Fine. But I'm not going to be mad if you don't keep to it!"
"You won't have the opportunity," I vowed, sliding one of my hands down her arm, to find her fingers and squeeze them. "But that's for then. For now… Well, for now, I'm surprised you haven't questioned me about needing to disappear for a bit."
"Well, I am curious," Lucy admitted with a shrug. "But I don't want to pry too much? Though I guess I do really want to know if you'll be coming back during the night! I wanted to hug you while we fell asleep… It was really nice doing that in the inn."
"That shouldn't be a problem," I said. "Though I might miss a dinner or two, I can certainly be home by bedtime. Tonight, in particular, I need only leave you alone for a few minutes to arrange things."
"A few minutes?" Lucy asked, tilting her head to the side. "Can you really get anywhere that fast? …Ah. You don't have to answer that, if you don't want to!"
"You're allowed a little curiosity, Lucy," I said, a wry smile on my lips. "Though I'm afraid all I can tell you is that I have a method of traveling quite quickly."
"I know I am," Lucy replied, frowning. "But I keep thinking about that forced smile you gave me, back at the curio shop - when you felt like you had to tell me something, but you couldn't… and now you're trying to put a deadline on yourself, too! So I really don't want to add any more pressure."
"Would it help if I vowed not to answer more than I'm comfortable with?" I questioned. "Because I already know that you won't press. It's part of why I'm telling you so much to begin with. Because I want to trust you with everything I can, to make up for what I can't."
"You don't have to," Lucy reminded me - but though her words were stern, I didn't miss the smile on her lips. "But it does make me really happy to know that you trust me. As long as you're doing it because you want to, at least!"
"The trust I give, I give to you freely," I promised. "Though that isn't to say there's nothing I'd like in return… Namely, I'd like you to let Bailey travel with us. I believe she could prove useful for hunting, if nothing else. But more than that, I must admit that I want to use her as a deterrent. I worry that Feyra will blurt out my identity during my absences. Having Bailey present might make her think twice - she'll be like an extension of my presence, reminding her why she's kept quiet so far."
"Because of fear," Lucy pointed out, clearly unhappy with the situation.
"Something I'd like to rectify. In fact, I'm trying to convince her that neither I nor Bailey are of threat to her, at all - that we mean neither of you harm. If I can convince her of that, then I believe the threat of her spilling my secrets will naturally disappear as well…"
"...Alright," Lucy acceded with a little sigh, before giving Bailey a smile. "But you have to try and convince her too, Bailey - alright?"
"Thank you," I said, sighing in relief as Bailey nodded. "Then… if I could trouble you to convince her now, while I take care of something?"
"Right now?" Lucy questioned. "Without even coming back to camp?"
"It's something I've delayed for too long already," I informed her, thinking of how worried Abigail must be about Bailey's disappearance, before letting out a sigh. "Though, in truth, I might also be avoiding the look Feyra will give me upon my return. There's only so much terror I can take from that girl."
Lucy nodded sympathetically, squeezing my hand, just as I had hers. "Alright. But there's something I want to ask, too! Not in turn, though. I'll agree no matter what! But… when you get back… do you think we could have sex?"
I had to suppress a laugh. To think that after all this serious discussion the first thing on her brain would be sex… just how touch starved was she?
"That's fine," I agreed, a smile of relief upon my face. "I think I could use the opportunity to relax, in any case."
Somehow, the smile Lucy gave me in turn held no lust in it, only pure joy. It made my heart skip a beat.
***
"So, let me get this straight," Abigail said, her palms cradling her face. "You told the Heroine - who you're keeping your identity secret from - that another person in your party knows that secret, and that you're intimidating her into keeping quiet?"
"...Well, it sounds a lot worse when you put it that way," I remarked, crossing my arms. "And Lucy took it well enough, in any case."
"Only because she's insanely tolerant! You do know you wouldn't get away with that with anyone else, right? I mean, I know I'm a little on the extreme end, myself, considering I basically threatened to leave you if you didn't spill your secrets, but…"
"I'm aware," I replied, my voice dry. "Though I don't blame you, for the record. You had no reason to trust me at the time." And, in the end, it did serve to bring us closer together. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that sharing the burden of my failed Rite of Insight has been a relief. Though I feared that it may have put Abigail in an awkward spot…
"Do you regret it?" I found myself asking. "Knowing what you do now? I fear I failed to give much thought to the burden it might place you in, so eager was I to keep your company…"
"Don't you dare guilt yourself for that," Abigail warned me, narrowing her eyes. "I'm the one who pushed. And considering I actually enjoy your company these days, no, I don't regret it."
"Even though it's gotten you involved with so much drama? With Nivera, then Yara, and now this Mellany character, as well?"
"I mean, yeah, it's a bit of a pain," she admitted with a shrug. "But it's a small price to pay for ensuring our species survival. Honestly, I don't even wanna think about what route you might have taken if you didn't tell me."
"...Fair," I conceded, my cheeks tinged red as I recalled my early plans. To abandon the tower to its fate, and hope for the best with Lucy at the helm. "But still… if it wasn't for me, you'd be living in blissful ignorance."
"Yeah, except for the whole 'what the hell is going on with our Queen' thing that would be running through my brain," Abigail pointed out. "And don't ask me if I regret having met you, because I don't. You may have made my life more complicated, but I actually like having you in it. Besides, you're not the only one who's struggled to build meaningful connections, alright? I don't exactly have a ton of friends outside of you."
"Really?" I asked, arching my brow. "I find that hard to believe."
"Well, you shouldn't." Abigail huffed. "Most people would have just told me to go fuck myself, if I gave them an ultimatum like the one I did you, you know? Not that I really make a habit of doing that, but… I'm prickly. And not exactly outgoing. Add in the fact that my last job was working for my mom - you don't wanna know how many accusations of nepotism I got just for having good clients - and I haven't exactly had a lot of opportunities to make lifelong friends. I hate to say it, but you're probably the person I'm closest to right now…"
"As honored as I am to hold that position, I must say I think you sell yourself short. You are a caring friend who has stubbornly stood up for my self-worth - regardless of whether I think I deserve it. You've taken on my burdens as your own, and by your own account you don't regret it. And, most of all, you've held my secrets close and stood by my side when I've needed you most. So far from telling you to fuck yourself, I'd be more than happy to do it myself."
"Yeah, well…" Abigail trailed off for a moment, a faint blush visible on her cheeks. "Speaking of friends… What do you want me to tell Nivera?"
"I'd like you to set up a meeting between me and her, for starters," I said, deciding not to comment on the decidedly forced subject change. No matter if Nivera had positive or negative feelings for me, I didn't think we could call each other friends after everything that had transpired between us. "If I'm to be working with her - in any capacity - then I need to get that out of the way."
"Do you want me there?" Abigail asked, her pitch black eyes somehow radiating a sense of concern.
"Nearby, perhaps, but not present. Not at first. Maybe when I'm ready to meet Chloe…"
"Are you sure?"
"Not at all," I confessed, shaking my head. "But I think I owe it to Nivera to let her vent any feelings she might have towards me in privacy… though, to be honest, I'm not sure how well I'll weather it. I'm not looking forward to the emotions our meeting might dredge up."
"How much do you remember about all that, anyway?" Abigail asked. "I mean, it seems like a lot of it's pretty much stamped in Nivera's mind, but what about you?"
"Not much…" I grimaced. "The basics, of course. Our friendship, and the course it took. But as for the details… I suppose I should make an effort to retrieve the memories before we meet."
"...Retrieve them?" Abigail asked, her brow furrowed in apparent confusion.
"Well, yes," I confirmed. "I mean, it has been fourteen years, and they haven't exactly been at the forefront of my mind…"
"No, I mean… how do you retrieve a fourteen year old memory?"
"You just…. do? It's not exactly difficult, is it? The hardest part is making sure you don't pull it too far into clarity, and end up reliving it entirely."
"That's… not how memory works, Devilla," Abigail remarked, frowning. "At least not for most people… I guess it might be different for Demon Queens? I mean, you are all angels, or something, right?"
"I…" I trailed off, my brows knitting as the corners of my lips drooped. Abigail was right. That wasn't how memory worked - or at least, that wasn't how it worked for humans. Or demons, it would seem… Was that why I couldn't recall how to whistle? Because Jacob's brain simply hadn't had that information in storage when my last life ended? And more importantly… "Is that why you all kept getting my meal orders wrong?"
"If by 'meal orders' you mean all the super specific requests you put in, for cutting your toast the right way, and ordering the layers of your sandwiches just right, or serving certain foods at exactly the right temperature, then… kinda? I mean, I don't know about the other maids, but I always thought it was a pretty big pain to keep track of."
"...Oh," I whispered, surprised to find a wetness in the corner of my eyes. I blinked it away, rubbing at it with my arms.
"...Devilla?" Abigail asked, concern evident in her tone. "Are you okay?"
"I'm… fine," I assured her, even as my voice cracked. "It's nothing… really. It's just… I always thought you were all doing it on purpose… that, or you simply couldn't be bothered to care… Stupid, isn't it? Even if it had been a purposeful slight, it's not as if I ever did anything worthy of the effort to begin with. I don't know what's wrong with me…"
Suddenly there were arms around me, as Abigail squeezed me tight. My head was pressed upon her shoulder before I could blink, her hand laid gently against my hair. My eyes widened in surprise at the tender care she gave, but they also dried, as a smile came to my lips.
"Thank you," I whispered, my voice low. "I know I wasn't really worth caring about before, but-"
"You were," Abigail interrupted. "Worth caring about, I mean. Even when you were at your worst."
"...You give me too much credit," I whispered, cautiously wrapping my arms around her. Some part of me expected her to flinch, to pull away, and tell me that she wanted no such thing from me. Instead, she merely tightened her grip around my form. "But thank you, Abby."
***
I don't know how long I stood in Abigail's embrace. I only know that I felt refreshed when I finally left it - which was probably for the best, considering I knew what was coming next. A promise had been made to Lucy, and a promise would be kept. Even if I knew for a fact that she would let me off if I asked.
"I should get back to Lucy, and the others…"
"Yeah…" Abigail agreed, slowly nodding her head. "You'll be back tomorrow, right?"
"I will," I promised her. "To meet with you, and Nivera. And perhaps Chloe, if I'm feeling up for it… I hope you won't think less of me if I end up in your arms again?"
"I don't think that's usually how that phrase is used," Abigail remarked with obvious exasperation. "But no, I won't."
"Then it's a date," I confirmed, striding over to the circle.
"A date…" Abigail confirmed. For some reason, I thought I saw a tinge of red upon her cheeks in the moment before the teleportation circle took me, but perhaps it was only my imagination. I couldn't be sure - as good as my memory might be, it was still subjective. If I hadn't gotten a good look the first time, then no amount of replaying it in my head would give me an answer.
I shook off such thoughts, making my way to camp, where I found a fire merrily crackling between two tents. Bailey laid in front of it, her tail wagging as she panted. I knelt to give her a scratch behind the ear. "Are the others in their camps?"
Bailey nodded, before nudging me with her nose towards the larger of the two domiciles.
"Alright," I agreed, getting up and walking towards it. "I suppose I've left her waiting long enough…"
"It's fine!" Lucy called out, even as I pulled the flap apart to enter. "I don't mind waiting."
"Perhaps I do, though," I teased, taking in her form. She was dressed in only a loose shift - one that only hinted to the curves beneath. One that would be quite easy to remove. Yet when I reached out for her clothing, she grabbed my hand in both her own and squeezed.
"Not tonight," she said to my surprise. "Tonight, I want to take the lead."
"You do?" I questioned, caught by surprise. She had mentioned that she wished to learn how, during our previous sessions, but while I could testify to her studious nature I never expected her to try and take charge so fast.
"I do!" she confirmed, her eyes shining with a determination that would brook no argument. "And I want to start by removing your clothes! If you're okay with that?"
"...I suppose," I conceded with a nod. Though I had my doubts as to whether Lucy was ready, I thought I owed her a chance to prove herself. It wasn't as if I stood to lose anything, regardless.
Except for my shirt, that is, which Lucy swiftly took hold of, and pulled above my head. Her hands were perhaps a little too eager, pushing me to lift my arms in a hurry so that she could pull off the maneuver, but despite the hunger in her eyes as she took in my topless form, her movements were still somewhat gentle. She didn't so much as pop a stitch in my blouse, or my skirt when she tugged it down. When she reached my panties, meanwhile, she hesitated, eyeing me with a silent request for permission. Only when I nodded did she slip her fingers into the waistband, gently tugging the article down before going down to her knees and guiding my still-heeled foot through the clothes.
Lucy remained on her knees for a moment afterward, taking in my naked form with eyes filled with a raw hunger. "Can you lie down for me?" she asked after a moment. "I've got a bedroll already set."
I nodded, deciding to forgo mentioning my own for the moment, as I laid upon the soft surface Lucy had provided. Only once I was prone did the redhead reach for the straps of my heels, gently prying them from my form and placing them down besides my clothes. Then she crawled forward, placing her slender hands upon my thighs and gently - but firmly - pushed them apart.
"Aren't you going to undress yourself?" I questioned, as she placed her lips upon my inner thigh.
She didn't respond at first, choosing instead to kiss my flesh, once, then twice, then thrice, each one taking her slightly closer to my center - before parting, just when she would have reached my folds.
"I don't want to," she informed me, carefully moving her legs between mine, so that her knees pressed against the inside of my thighs. "I mean, if I do, you'll try to make me feel good, won't you?"
"That is rather the point," I confirmed, arching an eyebrow. "Though I assume there's some reason you wish otherwise?"
Lucy nodded. "You're always making me feel good. Every moment with you makes me so happy! And I guess part of it's just that you treat me like a normal person? But I also just really enjoy your company!"
"As I do yours," I replied. "But I hardly see what that has to do with not taking off your clothes?"
"Because it's not really the same," Lucy told me. "I mean, I know you enjoy my company, but… you also think it's temporary, right? You don't think it'll last."
I didn't reply. I suppose that my silence was answer enough though, for after a moment Lucy went on.
"The first time we had sex, I told you I wanted to try and get my feelings across to you… but I didn't really know anything about sex, at the time. And I didn't really know you!"
"You still don't," I pointed out. "The aggregate of our time together wouldn't even eclipse three days, as of yet."
"I know… I know there's still a long way for me to go! A lot for me to learn! But I still want to share my feelings with you…" She placed her hand on the ground beside me, lowering her head towards my breasts, coming close enough that I could feel her breath across one nipple. "I want to show you how I feel, right now. Even if it might change in the future! I want you to know that, right now, I really love being around you…"
She kissed the tip of my nipple, her soft lips caressing the hard peak. "I really love talking to you."
Another kiss, deeper this time, with her lips wrapping about the tip of my breast, her tongue teasing at its edge as she gently sucked, then nipped, drawing forth a soft gasp from my own lips even as she parted. "I love learning about you."
Her free hand moved to grope my unattended tit, her fingers curling around the slope and squeezing, as her thumb brushed across the tip. "I love the trust you've given me… The fact that you feel safe telling me all sorts of things…"
She kissed her way down the swell of my breast, occasionally nipping with her teeth as she slowly worked her way down into the valley between them. Then she placed a kiss there, as well, before planting both her hands against the ground and pushing herself backwards, until her head was once again poised over my sex. "I love how you help people! How you saved Derrin Village, and showed kindness to Bailey, and helped Feyra - even though I know you probably have excuses for all of it." She kissed my thighs, first on one side, then the other.
"And I know it's too early to say I love you… Especially when there's still so much I have to learn… But I'm going to do my best to learn as much about you as I can! And I want you to give me a chance, so…"
Her head lifted, her determined gaze catching my own eyes as a thrill of… something… went through me. Excitement? Fear? I didn't know what to call it. I only knew that it kept me captive to her gaze.
"Eventually, when you trust me enough to tell me everything… If I still feel this way… If I still want to ask you on a date… Do you think you can give me a chance?"
I wanted to say yes, but the words caught in my throat. For the second time that night, I realized I had tears in my eyes - though, this time, I couldn't say why.
Still, I gave her the only answer I could muster - an almost imperceptible nod. I wasn't even sure she'd be able to see it, in the relative darkness of our tent, but she must have, for an instant later her smile was brightening the world around us.
"Then tonight… just for tonight… at least for now… please accept my feelings for you!" Then her head was lowered towards my center. Her tongue slid against my folds, even as her fingers found my clit. She teased it with her thumb, bringing forth a needy whimper with the barest of touches, even as her tongue slid its way into my sex. It wasn't long before she had me crying out in pleasure.
The next thing I knew, I was laying against her chest, my own bedroll forgotten entirely as we squeezed together onto the short strip of cloth. My head against her chest, and her arms wrapped protectively against me. Our legs tangled together.
I felt loved - or at least cared for, as I had never been before. It didn't matter if it was only temporary. It didn't matter if Lucy's feelings had the depth of true affection, or were simply the result of a crush. Not in that moment.
Still, I couldn't help but wonder, as I drifted off towards sleep in her arms - after everything I'd done, with everything I still kept secret… Was it truly alright for me to feel like this?
This chapter is my first decently lengthy one in quite a while. I hit a few moments I thought I could end it, but then I kept going anyway... And I'm kinda glad I did.
I've been trying to find an excuse to bring up Devilla's memory for a while. While there are a few species that never age, angels are somewhat unique in that they're actively meant to live forever, and this trait reflects it. (Her passive memory is much like a human's, but unlike a human she can actively "retrieve" memories that would otherwise be lost.) I expected the revelation to lead to a bit of humor - that the fact that her hyper-specific orders were Ridiculous by mortal standards would just be an "Oops!" type moment. Instead, Devilla started crying... Oops?
The scene with Lucy was also meant to be pure sweetness, but I guess it's not Devilla if it doesn't include pain... To be honest, this chapter had me reeling. I'm not sure I've ever written anything that hit me like this... I hope you enjoyed reading it. (The next two chapters are already up on Patreon, by the way~! Though they haven't been proofread quite yet - the size of this one delayed everything else by quite a bit.)
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading! And, of course, thanks to all of you for reading!
PS: I'm experimenting with using titles. Not sure if I'll stick to it, but I've been wanting to try... What do you think?
I awoke early the next morning, to the feel of something soft and warm pressing against me. Or rather someone, and a rather naked 'someone,' at that. Lucy had apparently discarded her shift at some point after I'd fallen asleep. Which meant she'd either stayed awake long enough to see me off to the land of dreams, an embarrassing prospect, or she'd somehow undressed herself in her sleep… something I could honestly see her pulling off.
Regardless, I was currently graced with the admittedly pleasant, if somewhat dubious, honor of having her breasts thrust in my face.
"Lucy?" I whispered, not wishing to wake her, but rather wondering if she'd already awoken. The main response I received was from her nipples, which seemed to harden a little in response to my warm breath. Her breathing also hitched a little, as a soft moan came from her lips.
"Eena…" she murmured, her eyes still firmly closed. A moment later her legs tightened around mine. "Eat… so cute…"
I bit my lip to resist a repeat of our last night together, fighting back the urge to demand insight into her dreams. So far as I could tell, she was either dreaming of a sexual act, or - much more embarrassing - watching me eat. Either way, the cute snore she let out at the end was reason enough to let her stay asleep.
Alas, my forbearance heralded my downfall, for a moment later her sleeping arms wrapped about my head, and pressed it in between her tits. A pillowy grave I might have very well died in, had I not come to a rather startling discovery: I did not need to breathe. Or, at the very least, I could seemingly hold my breath indefinitely to keep from waking Lucy.
Of course, that wasn't to say that abstaining from oxygen was a pleasant experience. One did not suddenly cease two lifetimes of habit without some form of mental discomfort, even if my body itself made no protest. Still, if I had to choose between waking up the adorable snorer, and doing without a basic necessity of human life… Well, I wasn't really human to begin with, now was I?
In fact, the more I learned about myself, the less human - or demon, or even mortal - I felt. To think, even my memory would work so differently than that of regular people… Just how much did I differ from those around me? What startling discovery would come next? First my memory, now being able to live without oxygen - would I next find that my heart didn't even need to beat? Abigail had told me, once, that as an angel - a 'divine being' - I had power beyond mortal comprehension, but I don't think I'd ever really processed what that truly meant. How fully I differed from all those around me, and from the human I had been once upon a time.
Just how little did I actually know about myself?
"Mrrmmmm…" A sound came from above me. At the same time, Lucy's grip about my head tightened for a moment, pressing me against her sternum, before loosening up and releasing me altogether. "Eena…?"
Placing my hands upon the awoken redhead's shoulders, I gently extracted myself from within her cleavage, the better to grace her with a shaky smile. "Good morning, Lucy."
"...Are you okay?" she asked, all grogginess disappearing from her voice as she stared into my eyes, as if expecting to find the answers looking back at her.
"I'm fine," I promised her, shaking my head. At the same time, my smile became a bit firmer. "Or at least I will be. Your company is already making me feel better."
Lucy frowned for a moment, weighing the truth behind my words. "Are you sure?"
"Positive," I confirmed. "It was only some intrusive thoughts - the best cure for which is a good distraction. And I happen to find you rather distracting, even when you're clothed."
"Clothed…?" She looked down upon herself, taking in her naked chest with widened eyes. "Oh! I guess I got undressed in my sleep!"
"Let me guess - you normally sleep in the buff?"
Lucy nodded. "Yup! I mean, it feels good to just strip after a day in armor, you know?"
"I can't say I do," I admitted, shaking my head with a laugh. "But I also can't say I'm surprised. Somehow, sleeping nude seems very… you."
"I mean, it is something I do!" Lucy pointed out. "Though I'm not really sure how it's a 'me' thing, beyond that? But what about you? Do you sleep in clothes?"
"Not generally," I admitted with a shrug. "Though I can't say I've ever undressed myself in my sleep, on the few occasions I've worn something to bed."
"Maybe it's a sign of how safe I feel with you!"
"Or how horny you are," I teased, glancing down at her chest. Considering I was still eye to tit with her form, I had a rather good view of her perky nipples. "Speaking of, did you want to start our morning off with a bang? Or should we be thinking about traveling?"
"I mean-" Lucy began, only to stop when we heard a loud yelp coming from outside our tent. "That was Feyra!"
Lucy grabbed my shoulders and leapt to her feet, barely taking the time to ensure I had my feet properly placed upon the ground before running out - still sans clothes. Not that I was any better off, following just a step behind. Yet for all our rush, we found only a fully clothed Feyra with her hand against her heart, staring down at a sleepy looking Bailey.
"Right," Feyra muttered, seemingly to herself. "Monster wolf. Forgot that was a thing, somehow… Must have blocked out the sheer stupidity of me agreeing to it."
"How did Lucy manage to convince you, actually?" I questioned, curious despite myself. I very much doubted that Lucy would use her authority to insist, favor to me or no.
"Gah!" was the only response I received, as Feyra seemingly became aware of mine and Lucy's presence for the first time. "You're naked!"
"That's hardly an answer," I pointed out, rolling my eyes as I moved towards the tent. "But I'll put on clothes, if it makes you comfortable."
"Me? You're the one who's naked! Or… well, both of you… Dammit, if the Goddess strikes me down for seeing her Heroine naked, I'm going to be pissed!"
"I don't think the Goddess would do that," Lucy protested, even as she followed me back to our tent. "I mean, what's wrong with seeing someone's nude body? The church teaches that our form is a gift from the Goddess, so why would there be anything wrong with sharing it?"
"I'm well aware of what the church teaches," Feyra replied. For some reason, her tone of voice seemed unusually dry. "I'm also aware of the fact that the fucking Heroine is buck naked in front of me!"
"Saying it repeatedly isn't going to make it any less true," I remarked. "But if you give me a moment, I'm sure we'll both have it corrected."
"A little late for that, unless you can somehow burn the image out of my brain?"
"Is it really that bad?" Lucy questioned. "I mean, I thought I looked pretty nice?"
"That's not the… You can't…" Feyra groaned, throwing up one hand into the air. The other was, of course, still occupied with shielding her eyes. "Just get clothed already, alright?"
I let out something between a grunt and a laugh, reaching into my pack and pulling out a red top that covered… well, the majority of my stomach. None of my arms, unfortunately, and admittedly very little of my chest. My skirt wasn't much better, barely reaching a quarter of the way down my thighs. I only had so many outfits that actually covered me anywhere close to fully, though, and I figured it was best to wear them during the times I'd actually be witnessed by more than three people.
"...I thought you were going to put on clothes," Feyra grumbled when I emerged. "Not underthings."
"I like it," Lucy declared, eyeing me up and down. "I mean, I think I'd like just about anything you wore? But I definitely don't mind getting to see more of you!"
"You're biased," I pointed out, a soft smile on my lips. "But thank you."
Feyra groaned again. "As if traveling with a literal monster wasn't bad enough, I've got to deal with an exhibitionist too…"
"You're rather grouchy in the morning," I remarked, eyeing her up and down. "And you still haven't told me how Lucy convinced you to allow Bailey's presence."
"She gave me puppy dog eyes," Feyra muttered, looking away from me. "And it's not like I could have refused you, anyway, is it?"
"You could have," I told her, frowning. "You still can, though I know full well you don't believe that. I only hope that by the time I've managed to convince you otherwise you won't actually mind our company."
"Yeah, yeah," Feyra grumbled, waving her hand dismissively. "Come on. We're burning daylight."
I glanced at Lucy, receiving a helpless shrug in response. Followed, of course, by a bright smile, a hug, and a kiss on the cheek that had me bright red.
"Come on!" she said. "Let's get everything packed up!"
"What about breakfast?" I questioned, eyeing the campfire. Or the ash that remained of it, at least. "Wait. Did anyone keep watch?"
"I have some hardtack!" Lucy informed me. "And a holy spell for keeping watch! It tells me if anything big or dangerous comes too close, so long as I cast it before sleep."
"Hardtack does not count as breakfast," I declared. Not that I knew much about the stuff, but from my understanding it was… not breakfast. "How about I get us something proper to eat? Seeing as how it's already known that I have a way of traveling great distances in a hurry."
"What?" Feyra asked. "You planning to fly off to the nearest town and bring us back some eggs?"
"Something like that," I confirmed. "Though I think I can do a little better than just eggs… I still haven't introduced Lucy to the wonders of the potato, after all."
"I think I had some at the village?" Lucy informed me. "They were… okay? It was part of a stew."
"You had the best they could provide, I'm sure, but trust me when I say I have resources they lack. I'll have your tastebuds singing."
"Alright!" Lucy agreed, giving me a bright smile. "I trust you. You'll bring back something really good, right?"
"As quickly as I can," I promised her with a smile of my own. Then it was off into the woods, so that I could teleport back to the tower and get us something good. Or at least something more worthy of being called breakfast than hardtack.
***
Lucy
I watched Eena leave through the trees, biting my lip a little as I curled a few strands of hair around my fingers. It was something I liked to do when thinking, and I had a lot of thinking to do! Even if I felt sort of guilty for doing it.
I'd told Eena I trusted her, and I meant it! And I wasn't just talking about the food, either - I trusted that she was a good person, that she meant well by me. And that whatever she had done during her dark past she wanted to do better now…
At the same time, though, it was pretty obvious she wasn't just an ordinary demon! No more than Bailey was an ordinary horned wolf. I mean, I was pretty sure those couldn't talk so well! If you could actually call the mental communication talking? It was mostly images and feelings. Her image of Eena was all about Eena being a leader, though.
It made me wonder… did she have some connection to the Demon Queen? Was she some high ranking officer in her army? One of her generals, maybe? It might explain why she'd done things she regretted… and it might be why she had access to expensive stuff like super spicy hot sauce, why her clothes were all so nice, and why she could casually go somewhere to get breakfast. I mean, she obviously still had connections to some sort of demon encampment…
Still, I trusted her. I didn't know what she was after, but I knew she didn't mean me harm. She could have already hurt me, if that was the goal… and more than that, everything I'd seen from her said she was legitimately trying to do good! Like how she helped people, left and right, without ever knowing it would get back to me…
…Unless she did know? Somehow? But… I didn't think she did. I mean, for one thing, she seemed really bad at hiding things so far! Plus, even if it was somehow a ploy, that wouldn't change the fact that she'd helped people. That, of all the ways she could have tried to get close to me, she did it by doing good. By trying to be good.
I didn't know what she'd done in the past, or why she didn't think she could ever do better. I didn't need to know, either, because I knew her heart was good. That she wanted to do good. She just needed a little help!
She just needed someone to trust in her.
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading, and Lulla for beta reading! After testing things out with the public release of chapter 36, I've decided to try and come up with chapter titles. Here's hoping I can come up with some good ones!
I'm afraid I don't have a lot to comment on about the chapter itself... other than its size. Depression was kicking my ass when I wrote it, which is the biggest reason it's so small. It was all I could manage... (Depression is still bad, but it's a lot better than it was when I wrote this...) Chapter 38 isn't much bigger, but 39 breaks the 3.5k mark!
You can, of course, read the rough drafts for both chapters on my patreon for as little as a dollar~!
My room was empty when I arrived back at the tower. Something I found momentarily surprising, though perhaps I shouldn't have - Abigail had no reason to believe I'd be coming back so early, after all. Without even Bailey to look after, she was likely resting at home, or even out enjoying herself.
In the end, I suppose her absence meant little to my plans. I didn't precisely need a guide to reach the kitchens, after all - though I certainly would have appreciated the company, had she been present. Even that was only my own selfishness speaking, though. Surely Abigail had better things to do with her mornings than showing me around my own home.
At least, that was my thought process when I started my journey to the royal kitchens. Fifteen minutes later, I realized I had forgotten something rather important - namely that the individual floors of Dimona Tower were large enough to contain a small city, such as the one Abigail lived in, and I had one to myself. I had no idea where I was, and I couldn't ask anyone either. I hadn't seen another living soul since somewhere around the eight minute mark. So far as I could tell, far from finding the kitchens, I'd wandered into a part of the floor that wasn't even in use!
I was about to give up and backtrack my way towards actually occupied space when my eyes finally caught sight of something familiar - a dark wooden door, trimmed by gold. One that looked nearly identical to the one outside my own room. As it should, considering the ornamentation around my door had been painted to mimic it in the days before my coronation…
It was the room the Demon Princess normally moved to after becoming Queen. A room I had not only avoided, but declared off limits, with a penalty for no less than a week in our dungeons for anyone caught near it. A room I rarely thought about, these days - though, once upon a time, I'd come there quite often. Even after all these years, one could list it among the locations I was most intimately familiar with. Perhaps that was why my feet saw fit to lead me there in my directionless wandering.
I stared at the handle for a long moment, considering whether I wished to open it or not. To see the bed, so neatly made since my last time bouncing upon it. The pillow where I'd once placed a stuffed rabbit, so that I would have something to look at as I talked about my day. The closet, full of clothes I'd never wear, and the dresser, filled with items I used to gawk at and wonder about.
Then I turned around and walked away. There was no way I could face my mother's memory, in light of everything that I had done. Everything I had become… There was simply no way.
"Devilla?"
I paused at the sound of a familiar voice, paired with footsteps running down the hallway.
"Devilla!" Abigail repeated, a relieved smile on her face when she spotted me. I wondered how she could possibly look so happy to see me. "I thought I might find you here. Bellasy said she saw you heading towards the restricted area, and this is basically the only thing down here I… know about… Are you okay?"
"Does it matter?" My voice sounded cold, even to my own ears. I wanted to reprimand myself for it - to shake myself awake, and remind myself that Abigail was one of the only people who'd put up with me, who actually cared. I should be careful not to drive her off. I should treat her with the warmth she deserved. And yet the apology I wished to utter refused to come from my lips. I just stared at her.
"Of course it matters!" she replied, narrowing her eyes at me. "You're my friend."
"Why?" I heard myself asking. "We both know I don't deserve it."
"Not this again…" she rightfully complained. "I thought you were doing better!"
"So did I. But doing better doesn't mean that I'm better. We both know that. We both know I don't… I don't deserve…" Ah. There were tears coming down my cheeks again.
"Devilla," Abigail whispered before running towards me.
"Don't," I whispered. "I don't-"
Abigail's hand was on my lips before I could finish, her pitch black eyes drilling into mine. "Don't you dare say you don't deserve it. I'm the only one who gets to decide who deserves my affection, alright?"
I nodded, faintly, as more tears flowed down my cheeks. They were striking against Abigail's hand, now, but she didn't seem to mind them.
"Now tell me what's wrong," she said, taking her hand away from my lips so that she could place it, and its pair, upon her hips. "Why the hell are you back to trying to argue down your worth? I thought you were at least starting to accept the whole 'people care about you' thing."
"Because I'm a disappointment," I replied. "Because it's all I can be. All I've ever been. I disappointed the Generals, who needed my help to keep things running. I disappointed my people, who needed me to make them feel like the sacrifices they'd made had worth. And I disappointed my mother, who gave up her life to keep our people safe. Or at least, I would have, had she lived long enough to see everything I'd done."
"You…" Abigail jammed her finger into my chest. "Big boobed bimbo. You're literally trying to end the war here! That's more than any Demon Queen before you has ever done! And you're talking about being a disappointment? Why? Because a bunch of idiots who couldn't even be bothered to raise you right expressed dissatisfaction when you stopped doing everything the way they said? Because people like to grumble about the fact that you haven't already saved them? Because you spent your entire life sitting around waiting to sacrifice yourself for everyone else until I kicked you into gear? Who the hell called you a disappointment?! I'll kick their ass! Even if it was you - especially if it was you!"
"I…" I laughed, much to my own surprise. "You… How is kicking me the answer to anything?And who are you calling a 'big boobed bimbo'? Just because yours are a little on the smaller side-"
"Yours are huge!" Abigail interrupted. "And mine are sensitive enough to make up for it, alright? Like I told you last time. You should remember that, with your perfect memory, right?"
"I… suppose I do, yes," I admitted with a shake of my head. "...Thank you. And apologies. I… I think I needed that. Seeing my mother's room after so long… brought back memories. Memories of a time where I thought I could do better than I did…"
"Well, you're doing good now," Abigail replied. "And, to be honest, you blew away my expectations the first time you got my name right, so you're about as far away from a disappointment as you can get at this point, at least in my book."
"I think your book might be a little biased," I replied, shaking my head. "I am your friend, after all, am I not?"
"Yeah," Abigail agreed. "You are. And don't you forget it, alright? Because I'll seriously find a way to kick your ass if that's what it takes to drill it through your thick skull that you're worthy."
"Perhaps you could poke me in the boobs some more?" I teased. "Or pinch them, if you'd prefer. Though you might struggle to build up enough force - it sounds like they're not as sensitive as what you're used to, after all."
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Abigail replied. I got the feeling that she was rolling her eyes at me, even though I couldn't technically tell. "What are you doing back in the tower, anyways? I figured you'd be busy with you-know who."
"I'm pretty sure you'd draw less attention by just using her name," I pointed out. "And I am. I came to get us breakfast, actually."
"...Breakfast? You teleported to the tower… leaving Lucy alone with the woman who knows who you are, and the horned wolf that growls at everyone who badmouths you, to get everyone breakfast?"
"...Well, anything would sound like a terrible idea if you put it like that," I muttered, looking away. "It's not like I'm not going to be putting them in the exact same circumstances later, regardless, you know? Likely for longer periods, too. Consider this a test run."
"I'd consider it, if I thought you did it on purpose…" Abigail sighed. "Whatever. Come on, let me lead you to the kitchens. Assuming that this isn't something I can just do on my own?"
"I figured I'd teach Lenora a new dish while I was there," I informed her. "It's called 'hash browns' - there's more than one way to make them, actually, but the variety I'm working with involves frying shredded potatoes in oil. It goes great with eggs. And maybe some hot sauce? Though I think I'll keep that on the side, considering how Lucy reacted to it last time… I might need to get a milder bottle, too, while I'm at it."
"I'm pretty sure I could tell all that to Lenora without you giving her a heart attack with your presence," Abigail pointed out. "Especially since the kitchens are actually busy at this time of day."
"Busy doing what?" I questioned, tilting my head a little to the side. "I figured they'd empty quickly considering I'm not around to cook for…"
"Us servants need food even when you aren't here," Abigail replied, her voice once again implying a rather vigorous rolling of her eyes. "But hey, maybe interacting with Lenora in front of everyone will do her some good… assuming she survives the panic attack, anyway. Did you know they still have her on cleaning duty?"
"She explicitly didn't want to use her connection with me for her own gain," I reminded Abigail. "...That said, I suppose I could spare a few words of compliment for her potato work while I'm there…"
***
The camp was already packed by the time I made it back to Lucy and the others with our breakfast. Unsurprising, considering the amount of time it had taken me. Thankfully, Lucy greeted me with a smile and a wave rather than a reprimand.
"Is that the food?" she asked, gesturing to the four plates I was carrying - or rather, the one I was carrying, and the three I was levitating.
"It is," I confirmed, levitating my stack of dishware over to her. She picked the one from the top, allowing me to convey the remaining two to Feyra, and then place the last upon the ground for Bailey. "Eggs and hashbrowns. Well salted on both accounts, with a little pepper on the former. I've got hot sauce, too, if you'd like."
"Maybe just a little?" Lucy said, frowning. "It's a bit too spicy for me…"
"Which is why I brought a milder variant along," I replied, nodding to the bottle currently tucked under my arm with what I hoped would be a reassuring smile. "You're free to have some as well, Feyra."
"No thanks," she instantly replied, poking at her shredded hash browns with the fork I had provided. "One weird thing at a time is enough for me."
"Bailey?" I questioned next, despite expecting the head shake that followed. I knew she wasn't a big fan of spice, but thought it only right to ask considering she couldn't currently express herself.
"So these are potatoes?" Lucy asked, lifting a forkful to examine them.
"A form of them," I confirmed, unstopping my newest bottle of hot sauce. "A preparation known as hash browns, to be precise. I used to eat it with a form of sauce known as ketchup, but… well, I'm not really sure how to obtain that, these days. Hot sauce is a nice substitute, though."
Lucy acknowledged my words with a happy hum, before scooping a few pieces up and bringing them to her mouth. A tense silence followed, broken only by the sound of her chewing, and the faint noise of Feyra scraping her fork against her plate as she dug into one of the eggs. Then Lucy graced me with a bright smile.
"It tastes good! A little plain, though? I think it might be better if I mix it in with some egg yolks!"
"Another valid option," I agreed, glancing at the sunny side up eggs on my own plate. "Though not the course I'd personally take… I'm happy so long as you like them."
Though the review was a little lackluster compared to the response fries had received from Abigail and Lenora, it was well within my expectations. It wasn't as if she were eating salty food for the very first time in her life, after all. Nor was it the first time she'd had something fried in oil, in all likelihood. In fact, I couldn't even begin to imagine the variety of dishes she must have tried, as both the Heroine and a traveling adventurer. To me, it was enough that she appreciated the dish and ate it with gusto.
"I suppose the last step before breaking camp is simply to wash and put away the dishes," I remarked upon our completion of the meal, gathering our dishes.
"I can handle the washing!" Lucy offered. "Since you got the food, and all."
"I might have provided it, but I hardly cooked it," I pointed out. "And besides, you all did the work of putting away our tent and putting out the fire. The least I can do, in my opinion, is clean up my own dishes."
"Are you sure?" Lucy asked. "I mean, it's no trouble! Plus, you were gone for a while, so even if you only got the food from someone else it seems like it must have taken a lot of effort…"
"Less than you'd think," I assured her. "Half the time I spent was honestly just me getting lost… And most of the rest was merely me awaiting the dishes." Of course, there was also my moderate mental breakdown, but I didn't particularly feel like getting into it. "Besides, as you said, there's no trouble."
Saying so, I quickly pulled a sizable ball of water from the air and began to agitate it. A quick dip of each plate was more than enough to scrub free the contaminants, before Lucy even had a chance to complain about it. Or it should have been. Before I could grab a second plate, however, Lucy placed a hand upon my own.
"Eena," she whispered. "Why don't we wash them together? You can hold the magic, and I'll put the plates in."
"It's hardly a problem doing it myself," I protested, glancing at the tableware that had been stacked upon the ground. "If anything, it might take more time to do it that way."
"Maybe," Lucy agreed. "But it's not really about saving time! It's about sharing the burden. And more importantly, it's about letting you know that you can share the burden!"
"...It's just plates, Lucy," I replied, shaking my head. "Hardly a burden… and you and Feyra handled everything else…"
"That's the thing… You keep talking about you haven't done enough! Like everything is a transaction of some sort, and it needs to be equal. But it doesn't! These dishes? They're from something we ate together! This journey? Is something we're doing together! Every step is part of a greater whole! And the whole is something that we share. So, maybe I'm just overthinking things, but… I really don't want you comparing what you did to what I did, and thinking you need to do more! I want you to share the burden with me - every step of the way!"
"...You're overthinking things," I stated, shaking my head. "Definitively and totally. But if it makes you feel better… I do appreciate the sentiment. And I suppose there's no harm in splitting the work, regardless…"
"So I can help?" Lucy asked, her eyes practically shining.
"You can," I confirmed with a chuckle. "Every step of the way."
It's been suggested that my depression might have something to do with Devilla crying so much of late... I'm not sure I believe it, but I can't rule it out. Regardless, I think that it just goes to show that the road to recovery isn't always a straight line. She's got a bumpy road ahead of her... but good people to help her make it.
The ending feels a bit cheesy? But I also really like it. Lucy's sort of making a mountain out of a molehill, and yet at the same time it's exactly what Devilla needs to hear right now. She needs to know that she's doing enough. That she isn't failing to live up to her part... That someone is there to happily help.
That said, I'm a little concerned about the quality of the second half... namely because the first half seriously drained me emotionally, and I might have pushed myself a tiny bit too hard to do more? But I couldn't bring myself to stop for the night, oops...
On another note, I never actually found a good excuse to say this, but the reason Abigail's at work despite Devilla not being scheduled to arrive until nighttime? She wanted the free employee breakfast. It's good stuff!
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading! And to all of you readers, as well. I'll see you all in a week! (Or right now, on my Patreon, if you'd like to read the rough drafts (or really just not yet proofread versions) of chapter 39 and 40 for as little as a dollar!
...Can't believe I'm already on chapter 40. Feels like I was stuck on 14 just recently, and now I'm on 40...)
With our food consumed and our belongings packed, travel resumed without issue. Indeed, the only real difference between today and yesterday was the fact that Lucy had found an alternative to holding my hand. Namely, clutching my arm against her armored chest. The better to support me, she said, since I still insisted on wearing heels, no matter how bumpy the road before us became.
It actually did help, to be honest. With her acting as a stabilizing pillar, I could suddenly afford to spare much less attention to the cluttered path ahead of me. A good thing, by all accounts… or at least it should have been. Unfortunately, an idle mind was wont to wander, and in my case it wandered directly over to my fast approaching meeting with Nivera.
I was… scared. Frightened of how she might react to me. Abigail was insistent that Nivera thought fondly of me , but I couldn't understand how that could possibly be. Not when I'd ruined her family dynamic by firing her dam and plunging Nivera herself into despair. All because I was so desperate to keep her as a friend…
I could still remember the hatred in her eyes when she looked at me that day. The vitriol with which she had cut off her relationship to me. How she'd called me selfish, a brat who only cared for herself… Would she do it again? As ridiculous as it sounded, a part of me feared that this was all just an elaborate set-up for her to take revenge…
Still, I wanted to believe she'd forgiven me. I wanted to think that there was a chance of us becoming friends again. That I could reclaim what I had lost. It was an idiotic desire. A selfish wish that flew contrary to everything I knew, yet I still wanted to believe so, so desperately.
She was the only friend I'd ever had, after all, not counting the recent additions of Abigail and Lucy. The only person who'd ever truly cared about me. The only one who played with me as an equal, not letting me win every game we played. Who'd argued with me, not caring about my station. Who'd fought for me, growing angry on my behalf when I complained about the trivial issues in my life.
…I suppose there were others, if you counted my life as Jacob, but I wasn't sure if I should. Those friendships felt different somehow. Flatter… or perhaps static would be the better word for it. Frozen in time. I had feelings of affection for all those who had befriended me, as Jacob. Alice in particular had been like a sister to me. Those familial feelings for her hadn't changed with my rebirth - I felt exactly the same towards her today as I did the day Jacob died.
Which was exactly the problem. Where was the bittersweet feeling of loss? The sadness over never being able to see her again? Why didn't I miss her? And not just her… Everyone. Even the family who'd raised me. I felt more anger and despair about the mother I'd never known than the parents who'd been with me for an entire lifetime. Even thinking about my dam, who I knew literally nothing about, brought me a twinge of 'what if' - but Jacob's parents evoked none of that.
Perhaps it came back to how my memories worked. How my brain differed from a mortal. Jacob remembered loving his family. He remembered spending time with Alice. Playing games with her, and chatting about shared interests. Yet when I reached for the specific memories that made up those feelings, the little moments that allowed for such happiness… there was nothing. Vague recollections, at most. The knowledge that we'd done things, over the events themselves.
It made me wonder - how much of me was really Jacob? How much of him survived? Initially, it felt as if his memories had all but overwhelmed me, but now… I knew some part of him still lived on in me. Even ignoring the changes to my behavior his memories had wrought, my newfound phobia of rats spoke to his influence… but then there was his fear of heights that had fallen by the wayside.
Perhaps his memories were something akin to icing placed upon a cracked cake. Something that seeped deep into certain areas, filling up that which was missing - like empathy and compassion - but elsewhere laid only shallowly upon the surface. I had plenty of experience with flying in this life, so the icing there had flaked off when put to the test. I had none with rats, so it sank deep there…
…Was it just me, or was that a rather terrible analogy…?
"Eena?" Lucy asked from her place beside me. "Are you okay? Did you hear me?"
"Apologies, Lucy," I replied, shaking my head to free myself from unnecessary concerns. "I was lost in thought. What were you saying?"
"I wanted to know what your favorite dessert is!" Lucy repeated. "But if something's bothering you, I'd rather ask about that!"
"...Cake," I confessed, a small smile touching upon the corner of my lips. "Yours?"
"Pie!" Lucy replied without an ounce of hesitation. "Especially apple! But I like most types - except for lemon. Also, you don't have to talk about what's bothering you if you don't want to, but I hope you know I'm here to listen if you do!"
"Or you can just keep brooding," Feyra added, inserting herself into the conversation from her place at the rear of our formation. "You know, if you don't mind seeing the Heroine pout."
"I wasn't pouting!" Lucy protested. "I was just worried. I still am, actually, but if Eena doesn't want to talk about it then I'll move on!"
"It's nothing, really," I assured her, eyeing Bailey curiously. I'd half expected her to growl at Feyra's rudeness, but she was padding along without a care in the world, leading the way forward. I suppose she didn't want to anger me by frightening any of my compatriots. As things were, Feyra had given plenty of objections to her presence on the road, and not entirely without reason. Bailey would have to hide herself in the woods if we heard anyone else coming. "I was mostly just lost in introspection…"
"Mostly?" Lucy pressed, curious.
"Introspection and… dread," I confessed. "I'm meeting with someone later. A childhood friend - one who's time with me ended badly."
"Child Eena… I bet you were adorable as a kid!"
The smile I gave Lucy was a little strained, not helped in the slightest by the fact that I could hear Feyra suddenly starting a coughing fit. "I was a brat. And a lonely one at that. I sought to avoid my responsibilities, to spend time with my only friend, and when it got us both into trouble I tried to weasel my way out of it with brute force… It went about as badly as you'd think. Perhaps worse."
"How young were you?" Lucy asked, sending a concerned glance Feyra's way. Once she was sure the green haired girl wasn't going to fall off her horse, though, her earnest eyes quickly bore their way into mine.
"Six when we met," I informed her, "seven when we parted ways. But before you claim my age as an excuse for anything, you should know that my actions all but ruined her life…"
"I won't try to excuse it," Lucy said to my surprise. "I mean, I don't really know anything about it, so I can't comment on it, but it was a really long time ago, wasn't it?"
"A long time ago indeed," I agreed, frowning. "And yet I never once sought to make amends. Our friendship was shattered, and all I could do was wallow in self pity…"
"But you're meeting her soon, right?" Lucy asked. "Maybe you could do something to make up for it now!"
"I'm not sure there's anything I can do to make things right…" I admitted. "But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try. Even if she never forgives me, I at least owe her that much…"
"You shouldn't assume she won't forgive you!" Lucy protested. "Especially not if she agreed to meet with you."
"She requested to meet with me, actually," I confessed. "In truth, if her claims are to be believed, she's already forgiven me. She even wants to help me. But… I struggle to understand why. As I said, I've done nothing to deserve it. Some part of me even fears it's a trick of some sort, meant to hurt me or those I care about."
"You also shouldn't just assume the worst!" Lucy chided me. "Or at least that's what I want to say, but I know that logic doesn't always help with fear! And just speaking with good intentions won't sway your heart… but I promise, whatever happens, I'll be here for you! If you want to talk about it, I'll listen! And if you just want to cry, I'll give you my shoulder! But if it goes well, I'll be here for that, too. To hug you and celebrate with you!"
"You're sweet," I murmured, a soft smile on my lips. "Much more so than I deserve…"
"I don't think 'deserving' has anything to do with it! I'm sweet because I like you. And because it's in my nature, I guess? Anyways,the point is, it isn't based on a metric anyone else gets to decide! Not even you. And forgiveness works the same way!"
"I suppose…" I conceded. "I suppose I'll just have to find out what metric Nivera is using, then…"
"Uh-huh!" Lucy agreed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go check on Feyra! She looks like she's about to explode."
I glanced at the girl in question, who indeed looked ready to pop from the effort of biting back her curses and questions. She was probably wondering how I could possibly have a childhood friend, considering what the church taught of me… Regardless, she didn't seem inclined to say anything to Lucy when asked. She just insisted that she was alright.
Bailey, meanwhile, made her way over to me as soon as Lucy released my arm, and nuzzled her snout against my palm. The look in her eyes spoke of concern, which I met with a soft smile.
"It's fine, Bailey. Or, at least it will be."
Strangely enough, I almost believed it.
***
Nivera
"It's going to go fine," Chloe told me, patting me on the back. "Just take a deep breath."
"Fine?!" I hissed. "I haven't seen her in fourteen years! How could it be fine?! How is any of this 'fine?!' What if she hates me?"
"Why would she hate you?" my beautiful, somewhat logical, usually rational, and maybe-a-touch-too-naive fiancee asked.
"I don't know! Maybe because I barely ever let her win at board games? Or because I'm a terrible friend who sent her into a depression spiral and ruined her fucking life?"
"That wasn't your fault," Chloe pointed out.
"I know that! It was the stupid system we were born into! But what if she doesn't? What if she hates me? What if she pisses me off? What if she says the wrong thing, and I go off the deep end like a fucking lunatic who doesn't know how to keep her damn mouth shut?"
Breathe. Deep breaths. Deep breaths! Don't want Illa to think you're some sort of freak who can't even keep her cool for two seconds! Even if it's true - especially if it's true.
"You know, usually getting anything from you is like pulling teeth," Chloe remarked. "It's kinda refreshing to see you be all open like this! Like a clam willingly expelling all its sand and grit before you eat it."
"Not the time for bad metaphors, Chloe!" I reprimanded, crossing my arms and glaring at the kitsune.
"That was a simile," she pointed out, before poking me on the nose. "And you need to calm down, before our guide comes back to fetch us. Also, are you sure you don't want me around for the meeting?"
"Not for the opening," I told her. "I don't want Devilla to feel like we're ambushing her…" Would she care? The Illa of my memories would have. Not that she'd have shown it. No, she'd have greeted everyone with all the decorum that was expected of her, but deep down she'd be overwhelmed by all the new faces and all the potential expectations they might have for her…
Ugh, no more time to think. I could hear the maid coming down the hall, which meant there was a good chance she'd heard us. Which in turn meant that my little freakout was going to be common knowledge among the bloodliner gossip lovers by morning… Or maybe not. Most of Illa's maids were actually redbloods, after all. Mostly because she'd fired every bloodliner who came to work with her - and not even on purpose, so far as I could tell! She just went on firing sprees, occasionally… Also, considering her habit of making insufferable demands and throwing dishes, you couldn't pay anyone with self-respect enough to work for her for long.
Point was, I wasn't being careful enough. It wasn't like me. I usually knew to keep my damn mouth shut. Information was a weapon, after all. It could be used against me. Against those I cared about.
Against Illa.
"Niveraaaaaaa~!" A teasing voice came from next to me. "Are you listening?" A finger poked my cheek. "Maari said she'd take us to the Queen, now~!"
"Bwuh? Huh? Maari?"
"The nice maid," Chloe explained, gesturing to the kitsune in front of us. She was a bit taller than Chloe, dressed in a traditional maid outfit - all black and white, with lots of ruffles. Kinda made me wanna see Chloe in a maid's outfit. Not that I let any of that show on my face as I nodded to the girl. Maybe I'd write it in my diary, though. The secret one, not the public one, in code of course… Maybe with one of the harder ciphers? Chloe would take it as a challenge that way, and she'd probably Ma kick out of it when she finished deciphering it…
"Lead the way," is all I said aloud, trying my best not to glower at the maid. Just because she got to see Illa regularly… and probably didn't even appreciate her.
Ugh, why did I have to miss her so badly? It was easier when I could just tell myself there was nothing I could do, and repress all those feelings! But now I was back to, like, wanting to see her… to yell at her. And glare at her. And hug her. And tell her that I didn't blame her. That none of what had happened was really her fault. That I was here for her…
Not that I actually would. That would be dangerous. What if someone overheard? Even though I knew that Illa's floor was spyproof, and no magic for listening would even work on it, let alone stuff like invisibility or shapeshifting… Well, there was always a chance of somebody hiding through more mundane means, right? Someone who could use the information of how I felt against us. To hurt her. It wasn't worth the risk.
A knock pulled me out of my thoughts. Rewinding my brain a bit, I realized we'd already finished our journey down the hallway, to Illa's room… and that I'd gotten distracted again. Not good. The idea of meeting Illa again after so long was fucking with my normal sense of caution. Whatever, we were already here. The maid had already knocked. The doorknob was already rattling. My breath caught… but it was only Abigail on the other side.
"She's waiting for you," the maid told me, looking me up and down with a frown. "Be nice to her, alright? She's kind of fragile."
"Yeah, yeah…" Of course I would be nice to her. I loved her. Even if I also hated her. Even if I previously wanted to strangle her and shake some sense into her… and still did, because apparently she was back to blaming herself for everything instead of everyone else… "Don't worry. I know how to deal with her."
"You used to know how to deal with her," Abigail corrected me. "You haven't met her in fourteen years."
"You think I don't know that?" I glared. She glared back. We glared at each other. For no real reason, since I actually agreed with her… but I couldn't say that. Information - all information - was potentially dangerous. In the wrong hands, it could hurt you and everybody you cared about.
"It's fine, Abigail," came a new, yet oh so achingly familiar, voice. "I can handle myself."
"Sure you can," Abigail said, keeping her glare on me a moment longer before stepping through the door. "Go on in. And be gentle."
I pushed my way past her. Not too roughly, mind you. I didn't even make her stumble, but it definitely conveyed that I was annoyed with her… even though I actually appreciated what she was doing for Illa. How she was looking out for her. But it was better if people thought we were at odds. It might tempt them into trying to exploit an enmity that didn't actually exist. Keep them from exploiting weaknesses that were real.
"Nivera," came that familiar-but-unfamiliar voice again as I entered the room. Illa's room. With its big bed, and its plush carpet, and…. other things I couldn't really bring myself to focus on. Because she was right in front of me. Staring at me with her arms crossed. Her toes tapping, badly disguised nervousness written across her entire form. "I was told you wished to work with me on fixing a few issues."
I didn't respond. Couldn't respond. My mouth was frozen, my throat was dry, my body was tense, like a coiled spring. Like a snake ready to strike.
"...Something wrong?" Illa asked.
Again, I said nothing. My tongue was caught in my throat. My eyes were locked on her, though. On her frown. Not displeased, not really. More worried.
"If you wish to air any grievances with me, now's the time," she continued. "So long as you keep it between us, I promise not to retaliate."
"You're stupid." Wait, what? Why did I say that? The words just tumbled out before I could stop them - and they kept coming. "Dumb. An idiot who thinks far too highly of herself."
"I-" she started, but I wasn't done yet. Even though I'd never planned to say any of this to begin with. Didn't want to say any of this. Though it was bad to say all of this, I just couldn't stop.
"You think everything's your fault. Like the world revolves around you! Like you're so great, that you should be expected to solve problems that nobody else has managed to solve! You put all the blame on yourself when things go wrong! You let people turn you into a scapegoat! You act like a lightning rod for everyone's disapproval, and think you deserve it all and worse! That you're the worst! But you aren't! You're sweet. You're kind. You're an idiot. Such a massive idiot! You don't understand how familial relationships work. You think you can fix things that are beyond your control! You think you should be blamed for things you did fourteen years ago, and you probably think I hate you. You're so dumb, and I hate that. But I don't hate you."
"Nivera, I…" She hesitated. Maybe waiting for me to interrupt again? I didn't. I just stared at her. Unblinking. "I'm not sure what to say… I thought I ruined your life?"
"You made my life better. I'd be twice as fucking broken if you'd left me with the assholes who brought me into this world."
"I… But…"
"You're an idiot." I jabbed my finger against her collar bone. I didn't remember getting close enough to do so, but I must have, because I did.
"You're an idiot," I repeated. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. To wrap my tail around her, and hug her against my shoulders, like I did when we were kids. But I didn't. I'd regained too much of my self control for that.
"You're an idiot," I repeated. "But you're my idiot. My little sister, who's somehow older than me. And also my cousin-in-law-to-be, I guess. So… shut up, take my hand, and remember we're family."
"Nivera-" Illa began.
"Niv."
"We can't just… go back to how things used to be. It's been fourteen years. I'm different. You're different. We don't even know each other anymore…" She looked confused. Like she hadn't expected the conversation to go this way.
Not that I had, either.
"Then I guess it's time we got to know each other again, isn't it?" I replied, holding my hand out for her to take. "And it's going to be hard. I don't let anyone in, you know! Even my fiancee has to work for it on a daily basis! I'm a troublesome snake who nobody in their right mind would spend time around!"
"Do you really not blame me?" Illa asked, staring at my hand.
"I don't."
"You really think of me as family?"
"I do."
"...You're going to have to tell me how you ended up dating my cousin," she told me. "And about my cousin. I didn't even know I had a cousin…"
She took my hand, looking dazed.
I stared at it for a moment.
Then I yanked her into a hug.
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading!
I don't have a ton to say on this chapter. The title gave me some trouble? FallingLeaf actually came up with it. I was also very worried about the second half, back when I wrote it - depression was making me doubt myself, big time - but I'm doing a bit better on that front at the moment.
I suppose I am curious if this chapter changed the way any of you view Nivera? She really is just as broken as Devilla - but, much like with Devilla, that doesn't really make things better for those she treats badly. (And unlike Devilla, she isn't really trying to make up for any of it.)
Girl really just can't help being something of a bitch, though. To her, even something as simple as revealing your favorite food is akin to setting bait for future traps, and telling people what you don't like? Ways for them to ensure your absence... or make you think they don't want you present, so that you'll show up anyway and fall for their traps! The worst part is, it's not even paranoia if you're right. (Her parents did a real number on her. As did bloodline politics in general... )
...Believe it or not, she used to be a lot worse, back before she met Chloe. Considering it's been five years since then, I'll leave it to your imagination how she used to act...
Anyway, hope you've enjoyed reading, and I'll see you next week! (Or sooner, if you wanna head over to my Patreon where you can read the pre-proofread versions of chapter 39 and 40 for as a little as a dollar.)
I stiffened within Nivera's arms, unsure of how to respond. It wasn't like my time with Lucy - I wasn't panicking, or uncertain of the proper etiquette. I was just… feeling awkward, I suppose. Being held by a girl who'd proclaimed me to be family. A girl I hadn't seen in 14 years… I wasn't sure I had the same depth of emotion as her, the same joy at a friendship reclaimed. And yet I did wish to reclaim it. So, slowly and a little nervously, I wrapped my arms around her in turn.
"Great to see you hugging," came a new voice from the now open doorway. "But you might wanna give her a little time, Niv. From what you've told me, Illa's probably been too wrapped up in self-hatred to actually process her feelings about you up until this point - isn't that right, Cuz?"
"Sorry," Abigail said, coming in next. "She insisted on barging in…"
"Of course I did!" the newcomer - Chloe? - said. "I mean, no offense, but none of you are actually good at social stuff, are you? I figured there were even odds on whether they'd be hugging or strangling each other. And zero chance that they'd actually talk things out! "
"Wait, what do you mean none of us?!" Abigail objected.
"I mean that you're protesting for your own social skills instead of going to see how your friend's doing," Chloe pointed out. "And also none of your coworkers know anything about you. You're kind of a big blank on the information network. Which is impressive! And concerning. Mostly concerning, since I don't think you were going for that. But we can talk about that later! I'm pretty sure I've babbled enough to both befuddle my cousin and give her time to pull herself together! Two for one!"
"I'm not sure I'd really call myself put together," I protested, shaking my head. Nevertheless, I couldn't stop a small smile from curling up the corners of my lips.
Nivera, for her part, released me and slithered back a pace, turning around with her arms crossed in front of her. "I thought we agreed that you'd stay outside until Illa was ready for you?"
"No you didn't. You just don't want to admit that you were counting on my interruption, or that you're glad I bailed you out because you went too fast and now you're freaking out that Illa's freaking out, even though she looks… Mostly fine?"
"I am fine," I concurred. "If a little confused. I must admit, after nearly a decade and a half of trying to ignore my childhood, it's rather hard to wrap my head around a happy reconciliation… or the fact that I have a cousin. I take it that's you?"
"Wow, they really didn't tell you anything about me, did they?" Chloe asked, frowning. "Let me guess - they basically ignored the Redbloods in your family?"
"I don't think anyone really told me much of anything about my dam…" I confessed. "I'm vaguely aware that she was a soldier?"
"A popular one," Abigail chimed in, catching me off guard. When I glanced at her, she shrugged. "I asked my Mom. She said the Smiling Soldier was a big deal back in her day."
"Aunt Issa's sorta my hero," Chloe confided. "But we can talk about that later. Right now we're supposed to be focusing on you and Niv!"
"I'm not really sure what remains to be focused on," I admitted. "I feel like what I need most is time. Time to get to know her again - and you, for that matter."
"Then say that!" Chloe replied. "I mean, you just did, I know, but imagine if you hadn't? Niv would probably expect everything to just go back to the way things were! Now she knows it's going to take time! That's important."
Niv… didn't say anything, simply looking to the side. I did detect a faint blush on her cheeks, though.
"I… see. I suppose open communication is going to be an important part of this process, then…"
"Uh-huh! It's a big part of most processes, in my experience! Including the whole 'General Araina thinks you want to fire her, and also a mimic girl by the name of Mellany wants to cut a deal with you' stuff! Which is probably what our next topic should be."
"As much as I'd rather focus on the sudden existence of family in my life… I suppose business takes precedence…" I agreed. Only to be surprised when Chloe shook her head.
"Nah, family stuff is just better done over time. It's like heating up stew on the stove - rushing it won't get you anything but a cold meal and maybe an upset stomach! You gotta let it cook at its own pace. Besides, you've known me for like five seconds, and you already know I'm good at social situations and terrible at analogies! Give us an hour to discuss the problems plaguing you, and who knows what else you'll discover?"
"That is a rather terrible simile…" I wondered if that ran in the family.
"Oooh, points for knowing your figures of speech!" Chloe declared, seemingly oddly happy. "But we're getting off topic."
"I'm not sure what to do on topic," I admitted. "Politics are hardly my forte. If anything, I'm inclined to simply take your advice on the matter and hope for the best…
"The advice of two people you hardly know?" Chloe pointed out.
"The advice of two people who know better than me," I replied in turn. "And whom I can only hope have my best interests at heart…"
"I'm pretty sure they do," Abigail said. "I mean, Nivera hasn't even scowled at you once since you started talking, and I didn't even know she could hold those back. And Chloe… is a chaotic mess who I can't read, but Bailey seemed to like her well enough. And she's really good at reading people."
"Bailey is?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow, before shaking my head. "No, I suppose that's something to go over with her later. Right now, I'm more concerned with our plan going forward. Or the lack thereof, I suppose."
"Well, Araina's easy enough," Chloe said. "You just need to give her reassurance. Lots of reassurance. Maybe some sort of guarantee for her job security?"
"Have Mellany promise to help with her public image," Nivera suggested, before scowling. "Assuming we can actually work with her. I don't trust her."
"Usually I'd call you paranoid," Chloe said, "but this time I actually agree. Mellany's a back-stabbing bitch who's literally selling her own grandma out of self-interest. But she's also lazy, and not actually that ambitious… Far as I can tell, she mostly just wants power and influence so that she can afford to offload all her work onto other people. Tie her happiness to yours, and she'll be content… in theory…"
"In theory," Nivera emphasized. "In theory she's also been following her Grandma's orders willingly for her entire career. So either she's still loyal to Alira and this is all some sort of weird trap, or she's really good at faking loyalty. Not exactly inspiring ally material."
"My suggestion?" Chloe offered. "Give her a figurehead position. Something cushy with no real power. It's a symbolic end to the whole 'you can't work in the government' stuff for her people, without putting too much power in her hands."
"If that's what you think is best," I agreed, sending a rather helpless glance Abigail's way. She, for her part, simply shrugged - no more certain of how to deal with this mess than I. Giving my head a quick shake to regain focus, I said, "I suppose it at least suffices for a preliminary plan. We'll have to meet with both Mellany and Araina in person to truly make any decisions, though…"
"How about tomorrow?" Chloe suggested. "I can make the arrangements!"
"Tomorrow… might not be the best idea," I said. "My journey should be reaching a milestone around that point." Namely our destination. "Perhaps in two or three days?"
"Your journey?" Nivera queried. "What the hell sort of journey takes you multiple days? Where are you even going? The other side of the continent?"
I opened my mouth, wanting to claim that she overestimated my speed - only to realize that I, myself, wasn't entirely sure how long such a trip would take me. Not because I hadn't tested out my main flying speed - I'd done that during my search for salt - but because I wasn't actually sure as to the size of the continent we were on… Or, for that matter, how my speed compared to a plane, which could cross the United States from end to end in a matter of hours.
"I'm traveling with other people," I divulged, in the end. "Human people, who are, as of yet, unaware of my identity."
"Devilla?" Abigail questioned, arching an eyebrow. Though she didn't say anything further, I knew she was questioning my decision to tell them so much. It was certainly a risk - despite Nivera's claim that we were family, the truth remained that I knew little about her after so many years. But it wasn't as if I could keep the truth hidden for long, if my plan to end the war was going to go anywhere… I needed more support within the tower. From people who actually knew what they were doing, and who didn't hate me like Sylvanna…
I took a deep breath and asked, "What would you say if I said I was trying to end the war?"
"You trust people too easily," Abigail groaned, holding her head in her hands while Nivera and Chloe exchanged glances.
"I'd say you're a well-meaning idiot who's going to get her heart broken when it explodes in your face," Nivera declared after a moment.
"And I'd say your mom was a prophet," Chloe informed me, drawing stares from not only me and Abigail, but also her fiancee. She shrugged in response, glancing at Nivera. "What? You've heard Mom when she gets drunk. She always said Grimmilla was a liar for claiming her daughter would end the war, but… well, here we are!"
"Are you sure she wasn't just being a mom?" Abigail asked. "You know, like how my mom sometimes brags that I'm the best prostitute her brothel ever employed?"
"That does sound considerably more likely," I agreed. "I hardly see how she could have known, after all. Not when I didn't even know, until… well, very recently."
"Maybe," Chloe conceded, with a shrug. "But I don't think so. Mom said it's how Queen Grimmilla convinced Aunt Issa to marry her… Or, more precisely, 'how that bitch got her claws in your aunt.' She's not exactly a fan, by the way."
"I suppose that extends to me as well, then. At least it would explain why she never reached out to me, even as a child…"
"You'd have to ask her about that," Chloe replied. "I mean, I get the feeling there's actually a bit more to it? Like there was a reason she couldn't reach out to you… but it's just a feeling. You won't know if you don't ask her."
"Perhaps eventually," I murmured, grimacing at the thought. "It certainly seems as if we'd have a lot to talk about. I'm meeting enough people with reason to despise me, as it is, though. I don't particularly wish to deal with inherited grudges while I'm at it."
"Well, if you want to know more about your mom's little prophecy in the meantime, I guess I could at least ask about that?" Chloe offered. "I'm surprised she didn't put anything in the Rite of Insight, though."
I hesitated a moment, before shaking my head. "Perhaps she did. I wouldn't know. I failed to cast the rite…"
"You what?!" Nivera demanded, her eyes widening. Her hands flew to her mouth a moment later, though. "I mean… uh… you messed it up?"
"Permanently, it would seem, since trying to recast it didn't work… I messed up a word, and changed its nature in some manner. Instead of gaining the wisdom of my ancestors, I gained the memories of a past life - a life in another world. A world that had recorded media of a sort, one of which showed a possible future of this world - and the potential end of me. A spoiled brat who got deposed by her own people."
"So that's why you changed!" Chloe said, snapping her fingers. "That makes way more sense than Abigail somehow putting you back together! No offense."
"None taken," Abigail replied. "I didn't even know what sort of a mess she was until I met you two… she keeps that stuff bottled up too tight."
"Wait, wait," Nivera interrupted. "You have memories of another life? Does that mean you're… not…"
"I'm still Devilla," I assured her. "Though I can't blame you for doubting it. Even I believed that I'd changed dramatically, for a brief while… but in truth, I'm still the spoiled brat I always was. I'm simply more aware of my faults, and of where they would lead me… I try to do better, of course, but not a day goes by where I don't engage in some sort of selfish mistake…"
"...Yeah, you're Illa, alright," Nivera muttered, seemingly relieved. Then her eyes narrowed. "You're not a selfish brat, though. You're just someone who's been hurt so badly she doesn't know how to treat anyone around her."
"Mistreatment of myself is hardly an excuse for mistreating others," I protested, narrowing my own eyes. "It's even worse now that I know better - now that I know what a healthy mentality is like, through the knowledge I inherited from past life memories… Despite everything, I still give into my selfish desires, still keep things secret out of fear. I'm trying to make up for my past, all the same, but I know full well that I'll never escape it…"
"By secrets, you're probably talking about the humans, right?" Chloe inferred. "The ones you haven't spilled every detail to?"
"The very same," I confirmed. "Lucy is someone I know from the past life memories I mentioned - someone who played a pivotal role in the recorded media I found. She was the one who brought an end to my reign and peace to demonkind. She believed in the goodness of everyone… except me. Of course, that was only in the game, where she'd heard nothing but terrible things about me from everyone involved… but I suppose it might have something to do with why I'm so reluctant to admit my identity, even knowing she would probably accept it…"
"I'm sorry," Nivera said, holding up a hand. "But what the hell can one human do to bring about peace? Is she a princess, or something?"
"Not quite," I replied, hesitating once again. I'd come so far, though. There seemed little point in not saying everything. "She's the Heroine."
Quiet reigned in the room for all of a second, and then, as one might expect, all hell broke loose.
***
It must have taken at least a quarter of an hour, in the end, for everything to calm down again. For Niv to be convinced that Lucy was truly different from previous Heroines. That my plan, which was admittedly 'taped together by hope, optimism, and idiocy' could work. Assuming I could get enough support among the demons…
To that end, I had agreed to meet with General Sallina in two days' time. Prior to even my meeting with Araina and Mellany, as we would need to discuss how much to tell them. Perhaps, in the interim, I could figure out the right way to say that the Heroine had feelings for me… not to mention the fact that we'd already slept together many times. In fact, we likely would again tonight.
"You doing okay?" Abigail asked me, her tone conveying the worry her pitch black eyes failed to show. "Because you just suddenly started smiling and it's kinda creepy."
"...I was, before you called the nature of my smile into question. I was only thinking about the warm embrace awaiting me back at the camp."
"Right… maybe don't swap between frowning and smiling like that in front of Lucy? I don't know about her, but it always sends chills down my spine."
"...Noted," I grumbled, taking a moment to study my appearance in a nearby mirror to ensure that the hair dye had properly settled, before moving towards the teleportation circle. "I'll see you in the morning, Abigail. For breakfast."
"Not going to take any dinner with you?" She asked me, arching an eyebrow. "Maybe dessert?"
"I figured I'd take out a few meals from my bag," I informed her, a small smile on my lips. "I haven't finished teaching them the wonders of the potatoes, after all. I think a burger with fries and hot dipping sauce might be just the thing to win them over to its charms."
"Alright. Have fun."
She waved goodbye, a gesture I returned as I placed my feet upon the teleportation circle, and a moment later I was standing in the woods. A few seconds more and I had four steaming plates in hand, ready to serve to Lucy and the rest.
Of course, as good as they might have looked and even smelt, they distracted Lucy for no more than a second before her eyes turned to me and a smile lit her face. "So how did it go?"
"Decently," I confessed, placing a plate on the ground in front of Bailey and handing another to Feyra, who took a fry and sniffed at it. Lucy's was second to last last, with me of course taking the final plate. "Forget forgiving me, Nivera… Niv… Even went so far as to call me family… A word I never thought would apply to me again."
A look of sadness briefly flickered across Lucy's face at my words. It only lasted for a moment, though, before she came up beside me and wrapped an arm about my torso.
"I'm glad it worked out for you!" she said, squeezing me tight. "Why don't you tell me all about it while we eat?"
"I'm not sure how much there is to tell," I confessed, finding a place to sit down upon the ground, the plate of food in my lap. Lucy, of course, settled next to me, close enough for her thigh to touch my own. "When she first came in, she wasn't even saying anything…. Then, next thing I knew, a tirade of words was coming from her mouth! Suddenly…"'
I faltered for a moment as Lucy's hand slid over to grab one of mine. Only for a moment, though, before I continued my story. Hand in hand with the one girl who could save my species, a plate of hot food on my lap, and a smile on my lips, I shared my day. Though Lucy didn't say a word, the smile on her face was all I needed to know she understood.
Hope nobody minds me skipping the conversation about how Lucy is Different. We've had it several times already, and I figured nobody needed to see it yet again. The only thing you really missed is Nivera struggling between the desire to be supportive/treat her newly-restored little sis gently, and her desire to call the plan out as idiocy and rant about how Devilla has no clue what she's doing.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It's a bit of an awkward one, in my eyes, but I'm hoping it doesn't translate over to the reading experience. (I'm not used to writing so many characters in one scene. And then there were the Reveals on both Devilla and Chloe's part – but they seemed in character? Devilla shares way too easily when she's not panicked about the other person hating her! And Chloe…. casually dropping a bomb like that feels very on brand. Especially when it drew attention away from Devilla at a moment where she maybe needed it.)
On another note, being recognized by self-hating tendencies you've had since childhood is ow… But hey, it works? Nivera's convinced! Yay…
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading, and Lulla for beta reading!
PS: I'm taking a (very) short break right now. It's been a struggle to write lately, and I don't want to risk getting burnt out… (I'm planning on, like, 3 days at the max. It might lead to a break week in the scheduled releases, since I haven't finished chapter 42 yet... I'm hoping not, but I really need to stop pushing myself before I make things worse. The pre-proofreading version of 41 is still on Patreon for those who want early access, though! And I'm hoping 42 will follow before too much longer.)
I woke up once more in the comfort of Lucy's arms - something I was rapidly growing accustomed to. To the point where I actually worried how I'd take it when she inevitably stopped wanting me in her bed… but that was a problem for 'future Devilla.' 'Current Devilla' was more occupied with the question of whether to wake Lucy, alongside the knowledge that I really needed to have a conversation with her about… well, appropriate ways of doing so. Primarily whether she would prefer kisses to her breasts, or a shake of her shoulder. For now, I deemed it unnecessary to take either path, preferring to instead appreciate the comfort of her warmth for just a little while longer.
Eventually, however, all good things must come to an end, no matter how much one wished otherwise. In this case, that end was heralded not by the natural waking of Lucy, but the shrill cry of our traveling companion from outside the boundaries of our temporary domicile.
"Eena?! Where the hell did your monster go?!"
"How should I know?" I called back, utilizing a shield of air to block the sound from Lucy's ears. I needn't have bothered though, for her eyes were already fluttering open even as the last words left my lips.
"Eena?" she asked as my spell dissipated. "Everything okay?"
"It's fine," I assured her, a small smile on my lips as I bent down to kiss her on the forehead. An intimate move I made without thought, and which had me blushing bright red a moment later. "It's um…" I coughed, clearing my throat and looking away from Lucy's growing grin. "Bailey. She seems to have wandered off, somewhere, and it's causing Feyra some measure of concern."
"Of course I'm concerned!" Feyra yelled back from near the boundary of our tent. She'd apparently come closer at some point. "Your monster of a wolf is off doing who the hell knows what!"
"She's hardly going to attack anyone, if that's what you're worried about," I remarked, shaking my head as I reluctantly disentangled myself from Lucy's arms and reached for my pack. Today's outfit consisted of a black micro skirt and a red halter top that essentially covered my breasts and nothing else. To make up for the lack of fabric, I was wearing a pair of white thigh highs that would normally be a match for my currently dyed hair. Not exactly ideal forest wear, but I hoped it would at least help me to escape accusations of exhibitionism today. "There isn't even anyone on the road to attack."
"We're actually pretty close to a town," Lucy informed me, not bothering to hide her appreciation for my current outfit. "Though I'm planning for us to go around it."
"Because you don't want anyone to know where we're going?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow.
"Because she doesn't want anyone stopping us from going, more like it," Feyra grumbled from outside our tent. "I swear, she's got to be the most blasphemous Heroine in history, to be sneaking around the church's restrictions like this…"
"I'm not technically bound by the church," Lucy pointed out. "I answer directly to the Goddess! And I'm sure the Goddess would want me to help all the people who are suffering right now!"
"Yeah, sure… And I'm sure the Grand Patriarch - y'know, the one actually in charge of interpreting her intentions - would agree… If you'd fucking asked."
"I did mention it in the letter I sent him," Lucy replied, before lowering her voice to add, "the same one where I asked for the depetrification spell."
"But you're not waiting for a response, are you?" Feyra accused.
"Well… He gets really over-protective, sometimes… Everyone does… But I'm sure it's fine! Everyone also always says that the Goddess must have picked me for a reason! And that reason has to be who I am as a person, right? So I'm sure she'd want me to use my own judgment to decide what's best! Otherwise, she wouldn't have picked someone who'd do that in the first place…"
"I can't speak for the Goddess," I interjected, choosing my words carefully, "but I personally have faith in your conscience. It's the biggest part of why I came to you for help, in the first place. Because I believe in your sense of justice. Not the church's, or the Goddess's, but yours."
"Thanks, Eena," Lucy replied, jumping to her feet and giving me a hug. I returned it tightly, willfully ignoring the fact that I could feel her hardened nipples through the cloth of my shirt. A result of the morning chill, surely… "I'm going to get dressed, okay? So maybe you should go call for Bailey? Just so that she doesn't accidentally stumble into town!"
"I'm pretty sure she's smart enough to avoid that," I asserted, shaking my head. "But if it makes you and Feyra feel better, I don't mind it."
"Well… Mostly Feyra," Lucy admitted. "I'm pretty sure you're right, to be honest. But part of traveling together is compromising with one another! And if this helps her relax, then there's no harm in it, right?"
"I suppose not," I conceded with a soft sigh. "I'll leave you to get dressed, then."
I left the tent, careful to keep the flap close to my body, so as to prevent Feyra from getting a glimpse of anything she'd need to burn from her mind. The girl's issues with nudity were exasperating, in my opinion, but it was like Lucy said - there was no need to make trouble, when simple concessions could avoid it.
"Good to see you awake," Feyra sniped, before gesturing to the woods outside our clearing. "Now do you think you could call your pet monster back before she does any damage?"
"I already told you she wouldn't attack anyone unprovoked," I reminded her.
"And what about if she was provoked?" Feyra questioned. "Because let me tell you, most people aren't just going to pet the pretty puppy with the blood red horn that's capable of tearing them apart!"
"...I'll be sure to pass along the fact that you think she's pretty," I replied, trying not to let my own newfound concern show. Feyra would probably take it as fear for her imagined scenario, but the truth was rather the reverse. Since I had ordered Bailey not to attack anyone, there was every chance she'd allow herself to be harmed before breaking that command.
"Bailey!" I called as loud as I could manage. Then again, for good measure. When no response came, I briefly considered using magic to amplify my volume - loud enough to shake the entire forest, if need be - but, thankfully, there was a rustling from the forest before I could implement my plan. A moment later, Bailey strode into camp.
With two rabbits in her mouth, and one impaled upon her horn.
"You hunted breakfast?" Lucy asked from behind me.
Bailey barked, letting loose the rabbits in her mouth, and pushed the third off her horn with a paw, causing it to land on the ground with a soft thump. She looked to me, clearly expecting praise, but all I could manage was a weak smile, centered in a pale face.
"Eena?" Lucy queried, gently wrapping an arm around my waist. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I assured her, shaking my head. A little too rapidly, perhaps, as I sent my hair flying from side to side. "I'm just… not used to my meat being so… fresh…:"
"What?" Feyra asked, rolling her eyes. "Can't stand the sight of dead rabbits?"
"Feyra!" Lucy exclaimed, dismay clear in her tone. "You shouldn't make fun of people for being sensitive! Not everyone's used to hunting."
"I'm fine," I promised once again. "It's not like I'm going to get sick or anything, at the very least… It just… caught me off guard." The sight of white fur, stained red. The sharp smell. The sight of Bailey, with her black fur also marred by blood. I was under no illusions as to how she'd fed herself before meeting me, just as I knew full well how my own meals were made. But the visceral sight of the dead rabbits hit me more fully than expected. Odd, considering how easily I'd taken to the death of Bailey's pack… but they hadn't been particularly bloody.
Besides which, Jacob had never owned a dog, as much as he might have liked one, only a pet bunny.
Bailey whined softly, clearly upset by my reaction. It sent a stab of guilt through me. She had clearly hoped for praise, and yet she was met with disgust at the sight of her efforts. I took a deep breath, squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, and then forced myself to look at her.
"You did fine, Bailey. I'm sure the rabbits will be delicious. I'm simply unused to hunts like this. It's a me thing - nothing wrong at all on your part…"
"Maybe you should take a walk?" Lucy suggested, glancing between me and Bailey with a worried furrow to her brow. "I'll make them into something more recognizable as food by the time you're back, and we can have a good meal if you're up to it! Or you can get something from wherever you've been getting food, if you'd prefer?"
"...I think I'll take you up on that," I said, moving towards the woods. I was aware of Feyra giving me a strange look, no doubt wondering why the Demon Queen was unused to bloody corpses, but I couldn't be bothered to explain myself further. I simply walked into the woods with a shake of my head, hoping to avoid trouble. "Call for me after you've eaten."
For now, I'd go back to the tower for food… or perhaps even eat something from the Empty Bag, once my stomach settled enough to be up for it… Probably the latter, since I wasn't sure I was up to seeing Abigail, or anyone else, at the moment. I didn't want to ruin more people's moods, just because I couldn't handle something so simple.
It was best to dine out here, so that Abigail could eat in peace.
***
Abigail
Devilla's floor was strangely… peaceful, with its owner gone. There was a tension I was used to seeing, or maybe more like not seeing? Something so damn normal that you only noticed it when it disappeared. The maids were more at ease. The chefs didn't feel like they were a moment away from being fired. Even the head of staff had a smile on her lips. It was surprisingly… annoying.
I mean, all this, just because Devilla wasn't around? It wasn't like I didn't get it… Hell, it wasn't even the first time I'd seen it… but… Damn…
"Better than you," I said, rolling my eyes at the nervous dragon girl. I'd invited her to sit on the bed with me while we ate, but she'd insisted on standing in a corner of the room instead. Just being in the Queen's bedroom was too much for her already, I guess… "Sorry for dragging you in here. I didn't think you'd be so nervous without Devilla around." Not that I'd actually expected her to be absent, in the first place. I was guessing she must have forgotten our plans for breakfast, somehow, despite her so-called perfect memory.
"N-no, it's fine…" Lenora said, shaking her head and hand at me simultaneously. "I-I mean… I've never gotten to eat lunch with a coworker before… N-not that we're coworkers, exactly. I mean, you're the Queen's personal maid! And I'm just an apprentice chef… W-we don't even work in the same area… but… It's nice…"
"Says the girl who's too terrified to even sit down with me," I pointed out.
"I… that's just…" Lenora looked away from me. "I mean, it's the Queen'sbedroom… What if we get crumbs on the floor…?"
"Then I'll clean it up. I am a maid, remember?" I gestured next to me on the bed. "Now come on - either sit down, or put your foot down and tell me you want to go somewhere else. Preferably before your eggs get cold."
"I-I can just reheat them…" she pointed out, glancing between me and the bed. Then me again. Then the bed again. Then me.
"That's not the point, and you know it," I grumbled, shoveling a fried egg into my mouth as I got up from my own seat. "Come on, let's go eat somewhere you'll be more comfortable… which I guess means literally anywhere else…"
"I-I usually just eat in the kitchen before going back to work," Lenora admitted, following me out of the room with her tail dragging against the carpet.
I opened my mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by a vaguely familiar, high pitched voice.
"Wow! That's really loser-ish! No offense! I'd just rather die than eat by myself! I mean, there's soooooo many cute girls to eat with! Or off of. Or out! The last one's my fave."
"G-General Sylvanna?" Lenora whispered, staring past me with wide eyes.
Except she wasn't looking up at a ten foot slime, but down at… well, she couldn't have been more than a foot tall.
"Sylvanna?" I asked to confirm, with a hell of a lot more doubt in my voice than Lenora's, and absolutely none of the awe.
"That's me!" the mini slime girl declared, waving her hand up in the air with a big smile on her face. "All…. uh… I forget what per… um…. Per-per- amount of me! But it's definitely me!"
"Right… Devilla mentioned something about this…" Sylvanna could split herself at will, but the smaller she split the dumber she got.
"I told her I'd be coming for stat… uh… info!" Mini-Sylvanna reminded me. "I was supposed to a while ago, but I kept getting distracted and forgetting! At least until a bigger-me sucked me up and then I was all 'oh right!' and 'sigh' and off I went again! That happened, like… uh… some number of times! A really big one! Higher than I can count right now… the bigger mes probably know, though!"
"Riiiiight… So that's why Devilla said four percent of you was an insult…" Was this even four percent? For all I knew it was more… Now that was a scary thought.
"Well, I do really like insulting her!" Sylvanna said. "Cause she stinks! And she's terrible. And she's awful! And stuff. Big meanie stuff!"
"...Sorry, Lenora, but can you go ahead and eat by yourself?" I asked, turning to my… friend? Acquaintance? Draconic-coworker? Whatever. "We're gonna have to do the whole friendly lunch thing another time."
"That's fine," Lenora replied tersely. She wasn't looking at me, though. She was glaring - glaring! - at Sylvanna. "Work comes first, right? Even when your boss is as caring,kind, and selfless as the Queen."
"Wow! That's a list of ad…ad… words I never thought anyone would use for Devilla! I mean, selfless? She's, like, the most selfish! And the least kind! And the worst! I mean, she totally threatened my entire species, y'know?"
"When she was, like, seven," I pointed out. "I mean, yeah, it sucked, and no, being a kid doesn't entirely excuse it, but as the closest thing to an adult in the equation you could have cut her a little slack… maybe not abuse her for the next fourteen years, at the very least?"
"Pshhh, like she would have known what to do with kindness!" Sylvanna crossed her arms. "That girl has, like, zero heart! None! She's basically a monster! I bet she wouldn't even spare a scrap of food for a starving orphan!"
"Sh-she would!" Lenora said before I could reply. "She definitely would… I bet she'd spare a whole meal!"
"Yeah, yeah," Sylvanna said. "Whatever. I'm just here to find out how she's doing with the whole 'get-the-spell-from-you-know-who' thing!"
"Who?" Lenora asked, blinking.
"Nobody!" I interrupted before Sylvanna could say something stupid. "Nobody you need to worry about. Trust me, okay?"
Lenora looked back and forth between me and Sylvanna, before slowly nodding. "Okay?"
"It's not like I was gonna say it!" Sylvanna protested, as Lenora went down the hallway. "I mean, even I know better than to say Queenie's with-"
"ROOM!" I interrupted, opening the door to Devilla's bedroom and pointing inside.
"...Fine…" The mini-Sylvanna pouted, before starting to slide her way in through the door. "But it's not like I have anything to talk to you about, anyway!"
"Yes, you do. Because I'm the one who's going to give you a status report about Devilla… assuming you're going to be able to actually report it to… big you?"
"Of course! I have the bestest memory!" Sylvanna promised. "You'll see!"
"Sure I will," I replied, glancing down at the breakfast still on my plate. Cold eggs, cold sausage, cold toast…
Hopefully Devilla was having a better breakfast than me.
***
Devilla
Walking in the woods - upwind from camp - did, in fact, help my mood. Color soon returned itself to my cheeks, and hunger quickly began to stir within my belly. Thankfully, I had an Empty Bag full of food for just such an occasion.
Today, I was particularly in the mood for a set of skewers. They were a bit fancier than what I'd eaten with Lucy - marinated in sauce for who knows how long prior to their cooking, with spicy peppers and onion interspersed between the glistening chunks of meat. Though I'd originally requested them in the hopes of eating a more casual meal - something other than the 'fine dining' I was used to in this life - the chefs had nevertheless poured all their skill into making something worthy of their Queen. Or perhaps it was better to say 'worthy of their time,' considering their low regard for me on a personal level…
Regardless, I was excited to take a bite. Before the succulent meat could even reach my teeth, however, a high pitched whine stole my attention, drawing my eyes to the ground. A red fox sat there, its white tipped tail sashaying from side to side as it eyed me and my breakfast.
"Hungry?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow. I was surprised to find a wild animal willing to beg for food, but perhaps it had had some luck with humans in the past. The campsite we had chosen was one often used by those traveling the same road as us, after all…
"I suppose I could spare a bite," I declared, tugging a piece of meat from the skewer and crouching down to offer it to the canine. "You know, you remind me a little of my cousin…"
The fox's nose twitched, its tail flicked from side to side, and its body tensed - then it was in the air, its teeth clamping down not upon the proffered treat but rather the wooden stick that had been grasped by my other hand. Though my hold upon the skewer did not waver, the thin stick itself snapped under the weight of the flying fox, who scampered off as soon as it landed.
I stared after the retreating animal for a moment, shocked, amused, and a touch indignant. Then, a moment later, worry crossed my face - for it had taken not just meat, but onion… Something I was pretty certain foxes weren't meant to have. At least, that was my guess going off their relation to dogs…
I hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do. I could have simply let the matter go, of course. It had stolen far more than what I had generously offered, after all, so one could say that any ill fate that befell it was merely its comeuppance… but it was food I had put within its reach. It was my responsibility, to some extent… So, with a sigh, I levitated myself an inch off the ground - relying on arcane magic - and took off after the scampering creature.
It wasn't difficult to track. At least not for me - not when I honed my ears, and focused on the sounds it made running through the underbrush. What it lacked in subtlety it made up for in swiftness, but with me floating an inch above the ground I had little trouble keeping up.
Not that there was much to 'keep up' with. The journey lasted barely a minute, before the fox came to a halt in front of its burrow, turning around and dropping the skewer as it bared its teeth at me. Unusual behavior from a fox, from my understanding, but a quick glance into the burrow it protected revealed the reason for its defensiveness. Another fox dwelled within its depths, protectively draped over a few kits whose form I could just barely make out.
"...No wonder you're desperate for food." I sighed, bending down and reaching for the skewer. The fox let out a high pitched scream, similar to a woman's yell, and attacked my hand immediately. Its claws made no headway against my skin, however, and in the end it could do nothing to stop me from taking away its 'hard won' meal. "I suppose the Monster Movement is tough on wild animals, as well as humans, hmm? But this isn't fit for your ilk…"
Instead, I reached into my bag and pulled out a large steak. One I knew hadn't been cooked with onion, or garlic, or anything beyond salt. I quickly tore it apart with my bare hands, letting the pieces rain down upon the ground for the fox to take.
"This will suit you better," I declared, bending back down to place the final piece in front of the creature. It sniffed my hand, curiously, for a moment - then barked, its hackles rising as it snatched up the piece and ran back into its burrow. "...Not enough to win your trust, I take it? Well, I can hardly blame you… I am a stranger…"
"I think it might have more to do with me, actually!" came a voice from behind me.
"Lucy?!" I spun, surprised to find the redhead standing behind me, waving happily.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle it. Or you! I think you were a little too focused on the fox to notice me, though."
"That… might be the case," I admitted, a rueful smile on my lips. "I've noticed I have a tendency to block things out when I'm focused…" Like how I didn't even register everyone talking in the guild hall when I first reunited with Lucy. "...How much of that did you catch?"
"Well, I only came out at the end," Lucy admitted. "So I didn't really see much. But I did hear a lot before that! The scream was sort of worrisome. Especially when I heard you say that the food you had wasn't 'fit for its ilk.' But then, when I got close, I saw you pulling out a steak, instead! How much food did you bring back, anyway?"
"More than I need," I confessed. "Though not enough to feed every creature in these woods."
"I guess we'd better hope the other foxes don't get any ideas, then!" Lucy teased me, a bright smile on her face. "Do you still have enough for your breakfast?"
"And then some," I confirmed. While it was true I didn't have enough for everything in the forest, I could probably feed those in the near vicinity without issue if I was willing to burn through my entire supply. "But why? Weren't you planning to eat the rabbit?"
"Well, I started thinking about the smell," she admitted. "And I didn't want you to get uncomfortable! So I told Bailey she could have all of it. She's probably done eating by now!"
"Are you sure that was wise?" I questioned, furrowing my brow. "It seemed to me that you were quite looking forward to eating it."
"Not if it makes you uncomfortable! I mean, I'm not really sure why it bothers you so much… and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to! But you're more important to me than any rabbit!"
"It's hardly a secret," I confessed. "It's merely that I had a pet rabbit as a child… and a stuffed animal, too, for that matter."
"Had?" Lucy asked. "What happened to them?"
"The rabbit died years ago… it's little more than a bittersweet memory at this point. And as for the toy… Well, I… asked someone to hide it… It reminds me of my mother, you see - it was something she had made for me - and… during my dark period, there came a day where I couldn't stand to see it. So I asked… or more like demanded that someone hide it away from me. Somewhere I would never find it…"
"Do you think you could get it back?" Lucy asked, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
I shook my head. "I'm not even sure what happened to the girl who hid it. Fired from my service some time ago, no doubt… assuming she didn't quit, to escape me. I was… unpleasant to be around, during those dark days. And I honestly find it hard to believe that I'm all that much better, now…"
"Well, I like being around you!" Lucy declared, giving my hand another squeeze. "And I'm pretty sure Bailey appreciates you, too!"
"Then I suppose all that's left is to bring Feyra around, hmm?" I teased, forcing a small smile. One that became more real when Lucy flashed me a grin of her own.
"If anyone can do it, it's you! I'm sure of it!"
"You have too much trust in me," I feigned complaining, shaking my head. "But when you say it with such confidence… why, I almost find myself believing it."
A rare three part chapter~! I could have technically made part 3 the start of another chapter, but I'm planning to just fast track them to Daroom Woods after this chapter, and... well, I wanted a more upbeat closing. Devilla went through a bit of trouble this chapter, after all! (Also, I wanted a response to Sylvanna's accusations within the same chapter.)
To be honest, I wasn't sure about giving Jacob a pet rabbit, but a friend said the reaction would make more sense if I went through with it. I kinda liked the idea of Devilla's reaction coming entirely from this one lifetime, for once, but at the same time I wanted the extreme reaction to make sense... Oh well.
The fox-based interaction, by contrast, is one I've planned for a while. To be honest, it's mostly just an excuse for Lucy to see more of Devilla's good side! A lot of her feelings for Devilla are based more on instinct and insight than solid fact, so I wanted her to have some specific moments she could look back on and say, "That's her true nature!" Preferably something that she didn't hear about second hand, and which can't be explained as her just trying to get on Lucy's good side.
Other than that? My writing break is officially over! But my writer's block is still being a bit stubborn... The good news is that there's no risk of burn out! The bad news is that the chapter 42 is just going to take me a bit longer than I'd like, as I push through this. Hoping to have it done in the next few days, regardless. Still, this may result in me going silent for a week or two, in terms of public releases, so that I can get Patreon it's two chapter buffer back. I'll try and make said break as short as possible- we're getting closer and closer to some chapters I'm super excited about, and I'd hate to leave you in the lurch - but I'm sort of at the mercy of my writing muse and writer's block...
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading! It makes the story that much better~!
"So?" Mini-Sylvanna asked, gelatinous hands on her half-formed hips. "What's Queenie up to? Has she made any pro-pro… uh…. Has she gotten the spell thingy yet?"
"She's close," I promised. "Lucy doesn't know the spell, but she's promised to get it and give it to Devilla."
"Right. Because promises are totally things Heroines keep to Demon Queens. Next you're going to tell me to trust Queenie, or something?" Sylvanna giggled. "Trusting Queenie! That's a good one!"
"Devilla thinks she'll keep it," I told her. "And while I don't exactly know what to make of the whole 'trustworthy Heroine' thing either, I do trust Devilla."
"Because you're a dumb-dumb," Sylvanna declared. "A dummy dumb-dumb who does dumb things. Like trusting in someone with no heart!"
"She's got more heart than you," I snapped, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "At least she's actually trying to do something about all the crap she pulled! You're just gleefully abusing her without a care in the world."
"And why should I care?" Sylvanna demanded. "She sucks! In a really… like… sucky way! She threatened all the slime girls in existence! All of them!"
"Is that all you can say? Because I agree it was sucky of her, but we already talked about that in the hallway and I'm pretty sure neither of us are going to be changing our answer any time soon."
"Well… Uh… She did other things, too! Like… uh… She slapped maids for saying they're prettier than her! And made a bunch of chefs sit in the dungeon for a day when they messed up her food!"
"You think I don't know she was a bad boss?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at Sylvanna. "I used to have to pretend I was terrified of her, just to keep from being fired, because she literally couldn't tell the difference between fear and respect! But she's changed. She's become a better person!"
"People don't change!" Sylvanna insisted. "Tiger girls can't change their stripes! Except for really bad dye jobs, which don't really stick. Which… probably means something, like, met… uh…. afork-ly? Or something? It's something big me likes to say!"
"Well she…" I hesitated. I wanted to say that Devilla had changed. I was pretty sure she had. But it wasn't like I could explain the whole 'memories shoved into her head' thing, and I wasn't going to get anywhere arguing with Sylvanna's world view. Plus, when I thought about everything Nivera told me - everything she'd said about how Devilla used to be… "Well, maybe she's always been good, deep down, and the fucked up politics just dyed her bratty for a bit. I honestly don't know what to think. But I do know that Devilla's trying her best. For you. For me. For everyone."
"Whatever," Sylvanna huffed. "You just keep believing in your stinky boss. You'll see, though! You, and that dragon girl, and everyone else! You'll all see how terrible she is!" Sylvanna declared, before turning towards the door and stretching her arm up to reach the handle. A moment later she had the door pulled open, and she slipped out into the hall, making her way past a stressed out looking Lenora on the way back to her own floor.
"I-is everything okay?" Lenora asked me, nervously fiddling with the end of her tail. "I couldn't hear anything from out here, but… she looks mad…"
"Everything's fine," I promised, forcing a smile. "We just have a difference of opinion on Devilla. But she'll see - Devilla will come through in the end."
Maybe Sylvanna didn't have any faith in Dev, but I did.
***
Devilla
A growl assaulted my ears, moments before a blur of green and purple launched itself at me. A sigh escaped my lips as I caught the incoming creature's paw and tugged it forward, drawing it into a brief spin before tossing it back into the woods from whence it came. "I can see why nobody wants to come here during the Monster Movement. The attacks are becoming a real nuisance."
We were barely at the outskirts of the Daroom Woods, and yet already I'd had to fend off razor-clawed sloths, electricity-welding possums, and now what looked to be some sort of poisonous jaguar. It was utterly absurd.
"Nuisance?" Feyra asked. "You think this is a nuisance?! A nuisance is… I don't know… being out of bread when you want a sandwich, or something! This is a fucking disaster zone!"
"I think Eena just has different standards," Lucy remarked, putting a hand on Feyra's shoulder. "I mean, none of these creatures are much of a threat to her."
"...Perhaps I am downplaying the dangers, a little," I admitted, privately wondering if I'd gone a little overboard with showing off my power. It wouldn't do for anyone to get hurt because I'd held back, though. "What I don't understand is why they're suddenly swarming us. The creatures on the way here weren't nearly so eager to try their luck against us."
"That's probably because of Bailey," Lucy informed me, causing the horned wolf in question to turn her head towards us. "Horned wolves are pretty strong, and monsters are pretty smart - they aren't going to mess with any group that contains one when we're just passing through their territory… especially since the territory they're protecting is only temporary, anyway. They usually prefer to live in places with a higher concentration of magic!"
"A higher concentration?" I questioned, unfamiliar with the phenomenon.
"Uh-huh! Forests and stuff tend to have more magic power, which means the monsters that live in them can recharge their magic quicker and use their abilities more often. That also means that most of the monsters that get displaced can't use their abilities as freely as they're used to, though, so they're also more cautious! But now we're reaching the ones that have just barely managed to cling to the outskirts of the woods - they don't want to risk what they have, so they're acting a lot more territorial… even though they're really outmatched…"
"It's not like they know that, though," Feyra pointed out. "If they did, they'd probably turn tail and flee for their lives."
"Perhaps if I spread out some magical energy, then?" I suggested. "Though the last time I tried that, I only ended up instigating an attack…"
"You mean with the spiked bears?" Lucy asked. "I don't think that's really a worry, this time. Everything here already wants to attack us…"
"It'll basically make it impossible for me to find any healberries, though," Feyra said. "You know, the things we're theoretically here to find? I'm not even going to be able to turn my magic vision on to begin with if you're flooding the whole damn area."
"We can find the healberries on the way back," Lucy replied. "Though I was sort of hoping your ability might be able to help us figure out what's causing the Monster Movement… I'm pretty sure whatever's doing it is closer to the center of the woods, though, so we can worry about that when we get there!"
"You're far too carefree for a Heroine," Feyra complained, putting her head in her hands. "But fine. Whatever. Not like we can really take our time looking for healberries when these damn monsters are attacking us every five minutes, anyways…"
"Alright then," I murmured, focusing on my magic. I felt the warmth of it suffuse my being, flowing through my skin as the energy left me, saturating a wide area around us. It was enough that I was pretty sure I felt the hit to my magic capacity, though it was already lessening, my regeneration outpacing the energy required to sustain my control over the magic.
The response was both immediate and dramatic. An array of tiny creatures scattered from the underbrush, spiky lizards and long fanged squirrels running for the trees. As did something… bigger. Something large, whose journey I could track through the shifting of branches and leaves, but whose body was rendered invisible even to my senses.
"...Anyone else a little freaked out by the whole invisible stalker thing?" Feyra asked. "How long was that thing even there?"
"I have no idea," I confessed, staring in the direction it went. "I'm simply glad it didn't try attacking."
"Me too," Lucy agreed. "I didn't even know there were invisible monsters in these woods…"
"I suppose that was rather the point," I quipped, shaking my head. "Perhaps we can warn people when we're done with our mission?"
"We should!" Lucy agreed. "Though hopefully it'll move back into the woods, afterwards…"
Bailey let out a little noise that I took to be agreement. She sounded almost annoyed, though, sniffing the air and glaring after the creature. Perhaps she was annoyed that she'd missed it?
"What?" Feyra asked, seemingly also picking up on Bailey's ire. "Don't tell me you couldn't smell the damn thing either?"
The wolf shook her head, before growling after the beast and taking a step forwards, leading the charge deeper into the woods. For my own part, I merely traded a glance with Lucy before following after, determined not to let Bailey get too far ahead of us. For all her protectiveness, there were clearly threats she couldn't detect, let alone handle.
Not that I was going to tell Bailey that.
***
Our journey through the woods wasn't precisely a quiet one. We stomped upon foliage, forced our way through underbrush, and occasionally hacked through a branch or two, generally making a nuisance of ourselves in the eyes of the forest ecosystem. Not that said ecosystem seemed intent on lodging complaints. In fact, many of the animals seemed to be making a bit of a mess themselves as they scampered away from my display of magical might.
"I never knew there were so many types of monsters around here," Lucy commented, her eyes sparkling as she watched a flock of pink birds take to the skies. "Life really is always interesting around you!"
"Always the optimist," I remarked, unable to help the smile that came to my lips, even as I shook my head from side to side. "How far do you think we are from the center of this forest, anyways?"
"No clue!" Lucy chirped, flashing me a bright smile. "But I'm sure we'll find it if we keep going straight!" Saying so, she reached into her pack and pulled out a wooden disk with a metal arrow on it. It was a compass that she'd been checking on and off since entering the forest. A necessity, with the trees around us having grown thicker, and the canopy above our heads blocking out our view of the sun.
Except…
"Is it just me, or have the trees been getting thinner lately? I can almost see the sky again."
"It's not just you," Feyra confirmed, looking up, and then down again. "It's only in this area though. The trees thicken up on either side of us…"
"It's almost like a path!" Lucy pointed out, before frowning. "Why would anyone make a path in the Daroom Woods, though?"
"Maybe it leads to a bandit hideout, or something?" Feyra suggested.
"If it is a path, then it must have been abandoned quite a while ago," I remarked. "The trees might be lacking, but the ground's overgrown with underbrush as anywhere else."
"We should follow it!" Lucy declared. "It might have something to do with the Monster Movement!"
"I doubt it," Feyra scoffed. "It'll probably just lead to some sort of… I don't know. Wooden fort? Whatever bandits like to use!"
"...Not bandits," I corrected, shaking my head as I followed a bend in the 'path,' pushing through a few branches to reveal a clearing. Within it sat a small building, with a pointed roof and an equal-armed cross sticking out of its crumbling roof, arrows attached to each segment. It was a symbol I recognized from the silver coins that humans used. "Not unless they're the religious sort."
"What's a church doing here?" Lucy asked, eyes wide.
"There's a plaque on the wall," I remarked, walking towards it with narrowed eyes. In truth, I could read it from across the clearing, but I didn't see the need to announce just how good my eyes were. Instead, I waited until I was right in front of the crumbling building, Bailey trailing just half a step behind me, her head swiveling back and forth as she sniffed the air. "Milton Monastery. In isolation we learn…"
"Who the fuck would isolate themselves in a monster infested forest?" Feyra demanded, gesturing around us to make the point.
"People who are really determined to learn things, I guess?" Lucy suggested, studying the plaque. "Do you think there's any chance they learned about the Monster Movement while they were here?"
"Assuming this place doesn't predate the Monster Movement," Feyra remarked. "It's only been a thing for the last couple decades."
"Well there's only one way to find out," I declared, moving towards the building. "We'll have to explore it ourselves…" Not that I was sure a building this decrepit would have anything to teach us. I wasn't an archaeologist, able to pick apart hidden truths from exploring a relic. The only hope I had was that some bit of writing had somehow survived… and yet, at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder if it was truly a coincidence that we'd found a monastery here in the center of the forest. One that likely predated the Monster Movement, no less.
Perhaps I was only overthinking things, though. It wasn't as if the church had anything to do with monsters, after all… Right?
Surprise chapter is a surprise! I was originally going to skip this week, due to falling behind after my break, but not only did I finish the rough draft of chapter 43 for Patreon yesterday, I also wrote out all of chapter 44... By which I mean 44 basically tore its way out of me over the course of two hours, starting around 10 PM and finishing at about midnight. Both are now up on my Patreon - and I gotta say, I'm pretty proud of them. They're pretty big chapters, too! Not in terms of length - they each clock in at around 3,000 words - but in terms of impact.... Well, you'll see over the next two weeks! (Or sooner if you join my Patreon, for as little as a dollar.)
Fun fact: I originally wasn't going to include the bit between Abigail and Sylvanna. I saw that some people were looking forward to it, though, so decided to write it – and it went much smoother than Devilla's part… Character interactions are just plain easier for me than writing of journeys and discoveries, I guess?
On another note, I'm happy to have finally established what the church's symbol looks like. We've known they use crosses ever since I established the coinage, but I didn't want to go with a crucifix for them – wouldn't make much sense, in my opinion. As it stands, the symbol essentially represents one of their core tenants – expansion.
Think 'manifest destiny' and you're on the right track. They're of the opinion that humanity needs to grow and expand until the entire continent has been taken under their control, and the 'manifestations of sin' (monsters, demons, and Demon Queen) have been permanently wiped from the land.
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading!
Having never been in a monastery before, I had little beyond Jacob's shallow knowledge to go on when it came to what to expect. Most of that came from TV shows and fantasy books - hardly reliable sources. So while part of me expected to see cavernous halls leading to private rooms with stone beds, I wasn't that surprised to find nothing of the sort. In fact, the building wasn't even large enough to house such things to begin with. It was more like a chapel than a full fledged church, let alone a proper monastery.
What the place did have was holes. Holes in the crumbling ceiling, holes in the walls, and even a massive hole in the ground. The latter being the most interesting, as it revealed two more floors - and another hole - further down.
It also had the markings of a stampede. Splintered pews of rotting wood that looked like they'd been burned in some places, shattered in others, and even made to disintegrate in a couple spots. Claw marks had gouged the stone floor in places, some as large as my hand and others as tiny as my pinky finger. There was even one part of the stone that looked as if it had somehow melted.
There were also feathers. Quite a lot of them, actually. White ones, piled up in the corners and sprinkled across the ground. As if something had shed them in great quantities, and recently…
"Pretty sure something calls this place home," Feyra remarked, putting words to my suspicion.
"Something small, though," Lucy declared, picking up a bit of plumage. "Or maybe just something with lots and lots of really tiny feathers? I'm not sure something small would be able to claim this place, during the Monster Movement…"
"Unless it somehow caused the Monster Movement," I speculated, frowning at the large hole in the ground. There was more rubble down below, unsurprisingly, but it was something else that caught my eye. Something I couldn't quite make out from my current vantage point, as it only barely peeked out from under the rocks.
"Anyone else want to take a peek down below?" I asked, bringing my eyes up to hone in on what remained of the place's back door. It had been reduced to little more than splinters. Splinters that had been blown away from the staircase it once hid.
"Not really," Feyra grumbled. "But something tells me I'm going down there anyway…"
"Well… I do want to go," Lucy admitted. "But I'm sure Bailey would be willing to stay by with you, if you Devilla asked!"
"Yeah, because I trust the monster to guard me," Feyra scoffed, shaking her head. "No. No way. I'll go down into the fucking monster-infested bowels of this place, where it's safer." She paused, glancing at me. "Or at least as safe as anywhere else is, these days…"
"I really wish you wouldn't insult Eena like that," Lucy complained, hands on her hips. "She's been nothing but nice to you, but you won't even give her a chance, just because of… whatever you know about her."
I didn't miss the hesitation in Lucy's voice before she spoke those last words. Nor did I miss the glance she'd given me. It was almost as if she knew what Feyra did, but I was willing to bet she only thought she did. I'd probably let slip a hint or two about my inhuman nature during our time together, after all, but my royal status? That likely remained hidden. Most likely she thought of me as only a random demon who'd escaped from her dark past in the tower…
Regardless, I'd be telling her the truth soon enough. For now, I needed to focus on putting one step in front of the other, stepping lightly so as to avoid destabilizing the structurally unsound building around us.
"Hold on, I think I left the lantern in the saddle bags with the horse outside," Lucy said, glancing back at the door through which we came. "I'll go get it real quick."
"Be careful," I warned her as she moved towards the door. "We don't know what might be lurking around here." In truth, I was half tempted to join her on her brief journey outside, but I knew she could handle that much by herself. Not that I wouldn't be out the door like a rocket if I heard so much as a disconcerting thump from her direction.
"Be careful?" Feyra parroted as soon as Lucy passed out of sight. "Seriously? If you care that much, you could just command the monsters to back off instead of putting on a fucking show all the time."
"You speak as if I can actually control the things," I remarked, frowning. "My ability to scare them off notwithstanding, there's no such connection between us."
"Says the girl with control over a horned wolf," Feyra pointed out, jutting her chin towards the panting specimen in question.
"Bailey's a… special case. I assure you, I have no control over monsters in general, no matter what the church teaches on the subject."
Feyra rolled her eyes, but made no retort, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence broken only by Lucy's return.
"Got it!" the redhead declared, holding a lantern that shone almost as brightly as her smile. "Now we can actually see where we're going."
"Probably for the best, considering all the holes about," I agreed, glancing once again at the massive pit in the middle of the floor. "Well, let's see what downstairs has to offer, hmm?" I suggested, moving towards the stairs.
"Uh-hm!" Lucy agreed, hurrying up to stand right beside me, holding the light in front of me. No doubt she wished to make sure I could see, but I had little need for the lantern. As always, darkness posed no obstacle to me, the dark stairway as visible within the light as outside of it as we made iour way down. But if the lantern helped the others, then it wasn't as if it affected me… negatively…
…Wait. Last time there'd been a lantern, it had affected me, had it not? It had ruined my night vision. So why was I able to see now? What had changed? The world should be blind outside the lantern's light, should it not?
"Eena?" Lucy called out to me. "Is everything okay?"
"...I'm fine," I assured her, shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut. When I opened them again, the world was as bright before me as ever. "Just… lost in my own head."
Being confused about my body and its abilities was nothing new. I just wished there was somebody I could ask… The only person who might know anything was General Doll, though. The Artificial Construct General who'd been serving my family for generations, and who had known more Demon Queens than I could count… but we didn't exactly get along. I'd blamed her for failing to ever intercede on my behalf, despite her role as the de facto leader of the Generals. She, meanwhile, saw me as someone who'd undermined the legacy of my family through sheer brattiness. Not to mention the resentment she no doubt held for me, for stripping her role of tower administrator and shoving it upon Sylvanna when I, myself, failed to live up to the task.
"Are you sure?" Lucy asked. "Because you stopped moving, all of a sudden. And now you've got this really pensive frown on your face, like you're thinking really hard about something…"
"Just… dealing with some intrusive thoughts," I confessed. "Namely about how I estranged myself from all who could help me… nothing to do with what we're currently facing."
"But it's still important to you, isn't it?" Lucy questioned. "So it's important to me, too!"
"I truly appreciate it," I told her, "but there's nothing to be done about it at the moment. We should focus on the task at hand. There might be dangers ahead…"
"We can if you want," Lucy agreed. "But I'm here if you want to talk about other stuff, too! It's not like we can't keep an eye out at the same time."
"I'll… keep that in mind," I promised her, a soft smile coming to my lips. "Though I fear I already know what your advice would be."
"To reach out to the people you need help from, because it might not be as bad as you think?"
"And to stop doubting myself so thoroughly," I confirmed, my smile growing a touch wider. "Things I'll keep in mind for after we're done exploring this place."
"Can we maybe stop talking about personal issues and get a move on?" Feyra called from behind us. "The sooner we're done exploring this place, the sooner I can stop worrying about a roofcrushing my skull."
"As if I'd let the place collapse around us," I scoffed. "I am still saturating the area with my magic, you know?"
"Like I could ever forget it. Feeling your magic gives me goosebumps."
"Really?" Lucy asked. "It just makes me feel really warm, safe, and happy! Like being wrapped up in a magical hug of Eena-ness."
"That's because…" Feyra sighed, and I could just imagine her sliding her hand down her face. "You know what? Nevermind. Let's just keep going."
I hummed out a noncommittal response, rather than risking the continuation of the argument, before moving my feet once more towards the next floor. Soon, the staircase reached a landing, and with it another splintered door, the shards aiming inwards this time.
I considered continuing down the stairs, for the thing I'd caught a glimpse of through the hole was located at the very bottom, but ultimately turned towards the door and the new floor. I'd likely be able to see what I was after just by peering through the hold, now that we'd come this far.
Here, at last, I found the huge halls I'd been expecting at the start. Here, the ceiling was high, the crumbling archways were grand, and the room was cavernously large. It was also stuffed with the remnants of what looked to be desks. Papers laid strewn upon the floor, all writing lost to time and scratch marks. Dark stains splattered the walls in places - blood, perhaps? I don't think anyone but me and maybe Bailey noticed, though, with the lantern light likely failing to stretch so far.
"Something terrible must have happened here," I remarked - an obvious statement, but nobody else was talking and I felt as if something needed to be said.
Bailey let loose a low growl in return, looking around the area nervously, ears twitching and head swiveling about as she searched for threats. Lucy, meanwhile, only nodded, staring about with wide eyes. Feyra, meanwhile, failed to even call me out on my unnecessary remark.
"Was this place really a monastery?" Lucy asked eventually, even as I made my way towards the hole in this room's floor.
"It looks more like a work area," Feyra remarked, eyeing the remains of desks. She bent down towards one, yanking open its drawer and setting loose a few yellowed papers. She snatched one from the air as the others fell. "Experiment number 180 - sparkling sloth - healberry slurry mixture. No changes in… I can't make out the last word."
"Experiment?" Lucy asked.
"Experiment," I confirmed, having laid myself down next to the hole so that I could better peer past its edges. On the far side of the next floor down was a huge cage, the door of which had been torn free of its hinges. The twisted metal bars of said aperture were what had caught my eye, all the way from the first floor. Though I'd somehow missed the multitude of white bone fragments, which laid amidst tiny bits of stone. "On live subjects, from the looks of it…"
"You mean on monsters?" Lucy asked, glancing between me and Feyra. "Someone experimented on monsters?"
"And animals," Feyra said, picking up a second piece of paper from the floor. "Pretty sure this one's talking about normal sloths - healberry slurry, again, and no results. Not that I know what the hell they were planning to get from feeding them expensive magical plants… Or maybe not so expensive, since we're standing in the middle of a magical forest."
"Let's look for more intact papers," I suggested, looking around at the various desks strewed about. "There might be more information to gather."
The others nodded, turning towards the drawers, and we began to search for any intact compartments and the knowledge they might hold. We found a few papers similar to what Feyra had shown - each listing an animal or monster, what I assumed to be their diet - sometimes a magical plant, sometimes another monster, and in one disturbing case the same monster - and what results they'd received, if any. No successes in the documents I'd found. It was Bailey, however, who found something worth reading, half buried under something she disintegrated with her horn.
"Is that a journal?" Feyra asked, staring with wide eyes at the booklet Bailey had uncovered.
"So it would seem," I confirmed, studying the cover. 'Goddess Forgive Us' was written on its front in shaky handwriting - as ominous a starter as I had ever seen. By contrast, the first writings within it were rather well written, the handwriting a neat scrawl. I wondered how long it would stay that way. A glance at the inside cover revealed the name Timortus, written in the corner.
"'We're not supposed to keep journals,'" I read aloud, "'but I'm keeping one anyway. It keeps me sane in this isolated place. I hope the Goddess can forgive my indiscretion, but it's not as if I'll be sharing any of this.'"
"If they didn't want to share it, why the hell did they stick it in a work area?" Feyra questioned.
"Maybe they changed their minds?" Lucy suggested. "Maybe they hoped people would find it after… whatever did this."
"The only way to find out is through reading," I declared, holding up the book. "Shall I continue?"
"Please do!" Lucy agreed, smiling at me.
Feyra, meanwhile, rolled her eyes before backing up a few steps. "I'll listen from… elsewhere," she said, before muttering under her breath, "I can't believe those two can be so fucking lovey dovey in the middle of a spooky abandoned monster lab."
I chose to ignore her words, opening the book up again and reading through the pages. The first few were banal enough - talk of what he'd eaten, how hard work had been. It only obliquely referenced the work itself, the writing clearly meant as a way to vent, rather than sharing information.
He wrote of his commitment to the goddess. He wrote of how their work would make a difference. Slowly, the form of it took shape - research to learn how better to control monsters. To 'tame the sins that face us.' But there were also researchers whose focus was elsewhere - Timortus didn't like them. Their work ran close to blasphemy. They wanted to know if they could make new monsters - monsters with helpful abilities. Some even wanted to make current monsters stronger. All for the Goddess, though. Always for the Goddess.
Then the handwriting began to get shakier. One of his fellow researchers had produced something new. A monster under their care had given birth to a stillborn baby girl- one that looked almost human, but for the nub of a tail.
"A monster girl?" I whispered aloud, even as Lucy exclaimed, "A demon?!"
I couldn't resist throwing a glance towards Bailey, who tilted her head at me in turn. Then I shifted my attention back to the journal before me.
"'This is wrong,'" I continued reading aloud. "'This is not the Goddess's will. This cannot be the Goddess's will. The higher ups were happy, though. Thrilled, even. They wanted to push harder, to try and get a live specimen, for Goddess knows what reason. They have to be stopped. I must stop them! I must bring this place to an end!"'
"'Goddess forgive me.'"
"...What do you think he did?" Lucy asked, worry laced through her voice.
"Freed the monsters?" I suggested. "Or something to that effect, at least…"
"Hey!" Feyra called, from a corner. "I found a bunch of, like, stone… paws? And talons, and other feet-bits, I guess. Some weird shit. Do you think they kept statues in here?"
"Statues?" I questioned.
Suddenly Bailey's head snapped upwards. At the same time, I heard something flapping. I looked up, surprised to see a… chicken? Except with a snake for a tail. A snake with indents where its eyes should be.
"Bwak!"
It's cry was… not particularly threatening. The purple gas that emanated from its maw, on the other hand, was absolutely terrifying. It quickly filled the room, even as the chicken-creature - basilisk? Cockatrice? Whatever it was - descended towards our floor.
Feyra was the first to cough, letting out a low groan. Lucy followed a second later, but she at least managed to stay on her feet, even as Feyra collapsed to the ground. I, meanwhile, felt nothing at all. I didn't even need to breathe to begin with.
Was it alright to share that, though? Should I pretend to be affected, if only for the sake of show? Would it be counted as a lie? A betrayal of Lucy's trust?
The thought shook me for only a moment. It only caused me a split second of delay. Yet it was in that brief period that the chicken found its way to the floor and lunged towards Feyra. In that singular moment Lucy cried out in warning, and jumped forward to cover Feyra's body with her own. An instant of hesitation was all it took for the snake head to snap forward, catch Lucy on her unarmored wrist, and sink its fangs into her.
Another second later I was by her side, the cockatrice disappearing in an explosion of flesh and feathers as its remains splattered against the wall.
Lucy was smiling at me, a thanks on her lips, even as she turned to stone.
Well, the beginning felt a bit rough, but I managed to shake off the writer's block by the end! To the point where I finished chapter 44 the same night I wrote this, and 45 the very next day... I know I'm sorta evil for leaving this cliffhanger, but at least I can guarantee on time releases for the next two chapters? So be sure to tune in next Weds for chapter 44, tentatively titled Trust and Tears! (The next two chapters mark the end of volume 3 and its epilogue, btw. The rough drafts of which are both available to read on patreon, of course~!)
In other news, the mystery that is Devilla's body continues! I swear there's an explanation for it all. You'll find out what it is, too... eventually... I'm quite curious as to what people might be speculating in the meantime, though.
Other than that? I just want to thank FallingLeaf and Lulla for proof and beta reading respectively! Also a big shout-out to all my wonderful patrons, and just my readers in generals - your comments, likes, and just overall positive responses are all wonderful motivators to keep me pushing forward! (Not that I could stop writing this story if I wanted to - it's got its hooks in me, now - but knowing people are looking forward to reading what I write is always encouraging.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over there in the corner, definitely not giggling wickedly to myself about this cliff or anything! (Fun fact: I almost had Lucy say something along the lines of how she should have learned the depetrification spell after all, but decided that the poison would work a little too fast for last words.)
"Lucy…" I whispered, my voice faint enough that I'm not sure even Bailey heard it, let alone Feyra who was laying a few feet from me. My eyes were locked upon the statue that had once been a living, breathing redhead. A statue with a smile on her face, and a thank you on her lips - though what she was thanking me for, I couldn't fathom. For failing to protect her? For daring to give thought to hiding my abilities when people were in real danger? What had I possibly done that might have deserved thanks?
A cough from the side gave me my answer, no matter how little I wished to accept it. Lucy had thanked me for saving Feyra. For defeating the cockatrice that had threatened her friend. For doing what Lucy would not be able to… because even as she turned to stone, she'd thought of others before herself.
"Wha…" Feyra started, then stopped, staring wide eyed at the petrified Heroine beside me. "What did you do?"
"I hesitated," I told her, my voice flat. Cold. "Something I won't do again."
Feyra shuddered when I spoke, though whether at my inflection or my words I did not know. Nor did I care. All that mattered to me was the splattered corpse that now decorated the wall. The corpse of the cockatrice that had turned Lucy to stone. That I had allowed to reach Lucy through my hesitance. If it could petrify her, though, then surely it could depetrify as well.
At least, that's what I told myself as I grabbed a feather off the floor and popped it into my mouth, washing it down with a bit of water stolen from the air. Yet even as the genetic material of the monster passed into my gullet, I felt… nothing.
No. Not nothing. There was something - an imprint, similar to what I had with Bailey, but… weak. So much weaker than it should have been. Was it the difference between monster girls and monsters? No. Impossible. If that was the case, then nobody would ever be able to get anything out of plants, which were the weakest of the three.
Though, speaking of plants… Yes. I recalled something, from Amessa's impromptu lecture upon potion making. That there were certain parts of the plants that were stronger. That contained more magical power. That could be used better. I wasn't sure if monsters worked the same, but… it was something.
"Feyra."
"What?!" the green hair girl all but snarled at me, her face twisted by rage as she tore her eyes from Lucy to glare at me. "You want to kill me, now that you've taken the Heroine out of the picture? For good, maybe, considering she's not even dead, just-"
"I need you to use your powers," I interrupted. I had no time to listen to her tirade. As much as I might have deserved her anger - albeit not for the reasons she'd claim - I had no way of knowing what was going through Lucy's mind right now. Whether she was awake in there, screaming to move but unable to do so. Whether she was in pain, and suffering. Maybe she was merely asleep. Something to ask her when she was back. "I need you to find the parts of the monster that have the most magic."
"Why?" Feyra demanded. "So that you can destroy them? Make sure she'll never come back?"
"If I wanted to ensure she'd never come back, I would break her. Or maybe just take her, and burn this place to ash - it's not like you could stop me. I want to bring her back, but the damn chicken feather isn't doing me any good." Whether because monsters concentrated their magic more than monster girls, or because of the researcher's meddling with monsters, I had no way of knowing. Hopefully the former - if it was the latter, there was a chance they'd managed to breed something worthless for potions without even knowing.
"Like I'm going to believe that!" Feyra scoffed. "Even if you do want to bring her back, it's probably just to fuck with her some more, right? Break her heart, then turn her to stone again? Bet you have another of those stupid chicken monsters just waiting somewhere!"
"If that was my goal, then why did I kill the one splattered on the wall?" I queried her before holding up a hand. "No. Stop. I don't want to hear any more of your warped logic. We both know you can twist anything I say to make me the villain. To make me the one at fault. Maybe you're even right to do so - it was my hesitation that cost her. My desire to keep my secret safe that allowed all this to happen. My idiocy that put us in this position. Yet that won't stop me from bringing her back. So you can either point out which monster part I need to consume, or you can sit there and entertain yourself while I consume every damn bit of this bird until something changes."
Feyra didn't respond, at first. She just stared at me, eyes wide, like she'd never seen me before. It wasn't until Bailey growled in her general direction that she finally replied. "You need to drop your magic first, or I'll go blind trying to find it."
"...Right. Of course…" I'd honestly forgotten I was still spreading my magic out. It certainly hadn't done me any good when it mattered most. Great for holding back annoyances, and yet when a true threat came along… I sighed, shaking my head and allowing my power to disperse. "Done."
Feyra nodded, and as I watched her eyes began to shift, the pupils elongating like a cat's as she eyed the room around us. Eventually, she pointed to two distinct parts in the wall - one that looked vaguely like the snake's head, and another that looked like some sort of… goop. Studying it closely, I thought there was a chance that it was what remained of one of the creature's eyes. "There and there. Those are the two places I'm getting the strongest energy from."
I hesitated a moment, between them, before settling on the eye. It was the less tasteful of the two, but if the snake's poison was what petrified then perhaps the chicken's eyes were the key to undoing the petrification. Another portion of water was pulled from the moisture in the air, encapsulating the goop and freezing around it to form a perfectly smooth pill.
"Thank you," I said, popping it into my mouth and swallowing it quickly.
"Not like you gave me much choice," Feyra muttered, crossing her arms. "I'm surprised you didn't outright threaten me, though."
"As if I would have been able to face Lucy if I had," I replied, eyeing her stone form. "...I'm going to tell her everything after this."
"What?" Feyra asked, blinking at me in surprise. Even Bailey looked shocked, or as shocked as she could manage in her lupine form, at least.
"I'm going to tell her everything," I repeated. "Who I am. What I want. What I can do. Trying to keep secrets almost got her killed today. I won't let that happen again."
"You… actually mean that, don't you?" Feyra whispered. I could hear the incredulity in her voice. "You're actually worried about her."
"Of course I am," I replied, reaching out to touch Lucy's stone cheek. Her skin was cold to the touch. I tried my best not to compare it to that of a corpse. "I… don't know if I can claim to love her. I don't think I'm deserving of such a thing, in any case. But I do care about her, quite a bit. Maybe… more than almost anything else." The only one who could come close would perhaps be Abigail, who'd been with me since the start of all this.
Closing my eyes, I looked again for that which did not belong inside me - for the imprint of powers that were mine to borrow, if not own. This time I found them. Three, in fact - though two of them were much dimmer than the last, like… distant stars, compared to the ever present sun. Just as powerful, but much harder to access in a meaningful way. Not that it mattered to me right now. Not when the power I could most easily access was one of softening, one of restoration, from flesh to stone.
I opened my eyes again, aware of a faint glow building behind my irises. Instinctively, I knew that I could focus my gaze on a particular part of Lucy - that I could choose to restore parts of her, rather than the whole. The better to consume her, I assumed, considering the creature that had held this power.
Of course, I was far greedier than that stupid chicken. I wanted all of her, and all of her I would have. Already, I could see the coloration returning to her flesh, the pink of her skin and even the red and gold of her armor as flesh, bone, and metal were all restored to their proper states. A deep breath filled her lungs, her smile widened even further, and at last the words I'd read upon her lips spilled out audibly for me to hear-
"Thank you! I knew you could turn me back!"
"Well, that makes one of us." Though my words came out a grumble, my lips were spread into a smile as I stood before Lucy. A smile at seeing her restored. Knowing she was okay.
Now I could only hope she'd be okay with me.
"Lucy," I whispered. "There's something I need… no. Want to tell you." I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for another moment to prepare myself, before forcing them open so that I could look Lucy in hers. She deserved my full attention. "I-"
"Lucy already knows the Demon Queen killed her mom!" Feyra blurted out, freezing me in my tracks.
"What…?" I asked, my voice a hoarse whisper. She knew I did what?
"Feyra!" Lucy exclaimed, a frown upon her lips, before she turned to me. "Don't worry, Eena. I already know you're a high ranking demon, but I'm sure you didn't have anything to do with that!" She paused, her smile suddenly fragile as she tentatively asked. "You… didn't, did you?"
"I… No… of course not…" My voice was stiff. Unconvincing, even to my own ears, and yet the look of relief on Lucy's face spoke volumes. She believed me. She believed me because I said it, and she knew I would not lie. And I hadn't lied. I really had nothing to do with her mother's death.
That wasn't the point, though. At least, not the point I needed to be focused on. The important bit was… "What do you mean you know I'm a high ranking demon?"
"Well, there's lots of signs," Lucy replied. "Like, you wanting to know about holy magic could only be for the sake of the Demon Queen testing it or something, right? And you're obviously getting food from a demon encampment, somewhere, too! And it would explain why you keep talking about a dark history - she probably gave all sorts of terrible orders, didn't she? But you're trying to make up for it now!"
"I… That's…" Not untrue. I could say that. I could tell her that she was missing details, and leave it at that. I could let things continue as they had been. Let her believe that I was just a high ranking demon. Not forever, of course. Just until I got to the bottom of this whole 'who killed her mother and blamed me' business.
It was so tempting to do just that. To let things lie.
Yet how could I lie in the same bed as her, knowing she thought I'd killed her mother? How could I face her, knowing that she was only okay with me because she had a misconception about who - if not what - I was?
If I didn't tell her now, then when would I?
"Lucy," I whispered, forcing myself to look her in the eyes. "The Demon Queen didn't kill your mother."
"What…? What do you mean?" Lucy asked. "She was killed by a demon assassin!"
"A demon? Perhaps," I admitted, as much as I didn't want to. "The Demon Queen doesn't have total reign over them, so I can't rule that out. Especially when these… people succeeded in home brewing their own monster girls. Bailey's proof enough of that." Lucy's eyes widened at the revelation, but I didn't stop talking. I couldn't stop. "The truth is, I don't know enough to say what really happened to your mother. I don't know who killed her, or why. But I can tell you here and now that it wasn't the Demon Queen."
"How do you know?" Lucy asked, obviously bewildered.
I managed a weak smile. "Because she's me."
Silence followed as Lucy stared at me, eyes wide. I was distantly aware of Feyra groaning and putting her hands on her face. Of Bailey's head swiveling between the two of us. My focus was only on Lucy, though. On Lucy's eyes, as they stared into mine. I took a step towards her -
Her hand went towards her sword.
***
Lucy
***
The moment I reached for my sword, I knew I'd made a mistake. I mean, yes, Eena had just told me she was the Demon Queen… the embodiment of all sin I was born to fight. The one I'd always believed to be my mother's killer. The ultimate force of evil in this world!
But she was also still Eena. Still the girl who kept doing good, despite refusing to believe that she could be good. Who'd paid Feyra three saints just to show her around town, so that she could get out of debt. Who'd helped a town just for potatoes - though maybe that one wasn't entirely selfless, since she really did seem to love potatoes? But still! She was Eena. The girl who fed foxes and said weirdly ominous lines without realizing it! Who needed to be hugged and convinced she was a good girl, because she never seemed to believe it. The girl I was falling for.
What really drove it home, though, were her tears. That, and the look of self-hatred and rejection in her eyes when my hand touched my sword. The sword which… was sort of taken from her, if the church was to be believed? Except that didn't make sense. Eena was around my age! Or at least she seemed to be? I mean, the church said she was basically just reborn continuously every time the Demon Queen died, but she'd talked about having a childhood friend, and she'd mentioned her mother, and…
…Oh. The sword… was her mother's? I was threatening her with her mother's sword?
"I'm sorry Eena!" I cried out, snatching my hand away from the blade. "I shouldn't have reached for my… for the sword like that. I was scared, but that's not a good excuse! I mean, you could have hurt me any time if you really wanted to… But you never did. Because you never wanted to! Because you're trying to do better, right? Even if… even if you have done a lot of terrible things…"
What sort of terrible things, though? Was it really on the level that the church taught? If she wasn't really reborn again and again, that would mean it was her mom, and her mom's mom, and her mom's mom's mom, and so on that did all those things I was thinking about. I mean, there hadn't even really been any fighting between humans and demons for as long as I'd been alive, what with all the demons living in a tower within the wastelands…
Also, was it just me, or was Eena kind of silent? Or… no. Not silent, just sort of muttering to herself? Muttering some really concerning things!
"Of course it ended up like this," she muttered. "Of course it did. How else could it have ended? There's no way you'd believe me. Not when I'd spent so long telling you how terrible I am. Not when you know how terrible I am. Because you do know, even if it's for the wrong reasons… even if the church's stories are wrong, for example, it doesn't change the fact that I messed up. The fact that I let you be hurt. The fact that I kept you in the dark… slept with you, all while you thought I was your mother's killer…"
"Um… Eena?"
"I should go," she said, looking up at me. "I should… I should give you some alone time. Or… I can stick around long enough to keep the monsters off you, if you'd like, and then go? Or maybe I should just have you wait an hour or two while I kill everything dangerous in the woods, so that nothing can harm you, and then you can leave without me."
Okay, that last bit was really concerning! More importantly, though… "I don't want you to go!"
She blinked. "Why not? I'm… I…"
"Because you're my friend, who I like a whole lot! And maybe am falling for more than a bit? Though some part of me worries we might need to take a break from sleeping together for a little while until I sort some things out… like. Are you really the embodiment of sin? And do you… have tentacles I don't know about? Or was that just a rumor?"
"...No, I do not have tentacles," Eena said. "Of course I don't have tentacles. What is with humans and thinking I have tentacles?! And I'm not the embodiment of sin, either! I'm just a twenty-one year old girl. Born to a mother who loved me, just like you. Except mine was taken at birth, by…" She trailed off, looking away from me, but I already knew what she was going to say.
Her mom was taken away by the Heroine before me.
"Eena-"
"My name is Devilla. Not Eena. Devilla Satanne. Demon Queen extraordinaire. Your sworn enemy, according to the church - and yet, I thought that I could somehow change that… That I could make you my friend. An ally. That we could bring peace between us…"
"We can!" I protested. "I mean, I think we can? We can try, anyway! I actually really love that idea!"
"...But you think I killed your mother," she whispered, seeming confused. "You… you reached for your sword…"
"I got scared! And I'm really sorry for it, but… I was always told the Demon Queen was evil! But you're not evil!"
"How can you be so sure?" Eena - Devilla? - demanded. "How do you know I'm not just… fucking with you, as Feyra put it? Playing with your heart?'
"Because you wouldn't have said so if you were!" I declared. "And because Feyra's kinda been mumbling 'just kiss her already' for a bit, now. I think we might have broken her?"
"K-kiss?!" Devilla stuttered. Her cheeks turned bright red. "That's… I mean… it's a bit early in our… I mean, we're not even officially dating yet, so…"
"See?" I grinned. "There's no way you're evil! Even if you are the Demon Queen. Evil wouldn't blush so cutely!"
"I'm… pretty sure that's not… I mean…" She blushed even more. "Why do you always call me cute?"
"Because you are?" I grinned, stepping forward to wrap my arms around her. "Very cute. My really, really cute… friend? Or, well, not girlfriend, but…"
"I mean… I… Guess I could be your… I mean, if you wanted me, even now that you… know, then…"
Less than a minute ago, I'd been thinking we might need a break to sort things out, but now… "...My girlfriend is so cute when she blushes!"
There was no response from Devilla. It was instead Feyra who muttered, "I think you might just become the first Heroine to kill a Demon Queen through blushing."
I wanted to disagree… but… maybe it was best to lay off for a little? Just until Devilla came back to her senses!
So, is the reveal everything you hoped it would be? Did you freak out when Lucy reached for her blade? Did you believe in them to the end? I really want to hear people's thoughts!
As for me? I had no freaking clue how this was going to go! I mean, I knew the broad strokes. I figured out a while back that Lucy would reach for her sword, and then snap out of it when she realized what a mistake she'd made - but beyond that? I had no clue how things would look when the dust settled.
I sure as hell didn't expect it to end on girlfriends, though, I can tell you that! In fact, I had to run it by beta reader and proofreader just to make sure I wasn't out of my mind - I did write this in about two hours, between 10 PM and midnight, so I was legitimately worried about whether I'd been thinking straight. (Not that I'm even capable of thinking "straight," per se, but you know what I mean.) Everyone backed the decision, though - and it did come about fairly naturally, in my opinion - so here we are!
On another note, I don't think anybody figured out exactly how Devilla was going to depetrify Lucy. At least as far as comments go, almost everyone was focused on the depetrification spell instead of the potion ingredients splattered on the wall. Which makes sense! I did make a big deal about getting that spell, after all - and I promise it's still relevant! (Sorta. You'll see.) I did try to leave clues that the cockatrice could depetrify its prey, though - all those white bone fragments Devilla noticed are mostly from its leftovers, tossed down the hole when it eats. Kinda wish I'd made it a bit more clear, considering how excited some people got about an upcoming church showdown… Oops? DX
Anyway, I want to thank Lulla and FallingLeaf, my beta and proofreaders respectively, for all the help they've given me. Also my patrons, of course, as well as my readers in general. Hope to hear your thoughts on the newest chapter! (This basically ends volume 3, by the way - next chapter is the epilogue! The rough draft of which can currently be read on my Patreon, alongside chapter 46, for those who really want to see what comes next~!)
PS: I'm doing an AMA where you can ask me (or my characters) anything! You can ask either on Patreon or in the comments below, and I'll eventually make a big post sharing it all. (We're at the end of volume 3, with just the epilogue left, so it feels like a good time.)
