My room was empty when I arrived back at the tower. Something I found momentarily surprising, though perhaps I shouldn't have - Abigail had no reason to believe I'd be coming back so early, after all. Without even Bailey to look after, she was likely resting at home, or even out enjoying herself.
In the end, I suppose her absence meant little to my plans. I didn't precisely need a guide to reach the kitchens, after all - though I certainly would have appreciated the company, had she been present. Even that was only my own selfishness speaking, though. Surely Abigail had better things to do with her mornings than showing me around my own home.
At least, that was my thought process when I started my journey to the royal kitchens. Fifteen minutes later, I realized I had forgotten something rather important - namely that the individual floors of Dimona Tower were large enough to contain a small city, such as the one Abigail lived in, and I had one to myself. I had no idea where I was, and I couldn't ask anyone either. I hadn't seen another living soul since somewhere around the eight minute mark. So far as I could tell, far from finding the kitchens, I'd wandered into a part of the floor that wasn't even in use!
I was about to give up and backtrack my way towards actually occupied space when my eyes finally caught sight of something familiar - a dark wooden door, trimmed by gold. One that looked nearly identical to the one outside my own room. As it should, considering the ornamentation around my door had been painted to mimic it in the days before my coronation…
It was the room the Demon Princess normally moved to after becoming Queen. A room I had not only avoided, but declared off limits, with a penalty for no less than a week in our dungeons for anyone caught near it. A room I rarely thought about, these days - though, once upon a time, I'd come there quite often. Even after all these years, one could list it among the locations I was most intimately familiar with. Perhaps that was why my feet saw fit to lead me there in my directionless wandering.
I stared at the handle for a long moment, considering whether I wished to open it or not. To see the bed, so neatly made since my last time bouncing upon it. The pillow where I'd once placed a stuffed rabbit, so that I would have something to look at as I talked about my day. The closet, full of clothes I'd never wear, and the dresser, filled with items I used to gawk at and wonder about.
Then I turned around and walked away. There was no way I could face my mother's memory, in light of everything that I had done. Everything I had become… There was simply no way.
"Devilla?"
I paused at the sound of a familiar voice, paired with footsteps running down the hallway.
"Devilla!" Abigail repeated, a relieved smile on her face when she spotted me. I wondered how she could possibly look so happy to see me. "I thought I might find you here. Bellasy said she saw you heading towards the restricted area, and this is basically the only thing down here I… know about… Are you okay?"
"Does it matter?" My voice sounded cold, even to my own ears. I wanted to reprimand myself for it - to shake myself awake, and remind myself that Abigail was one of the only people who'd put up with me, who actually cared. I should be careful not to drive her off. I should treat her with the warmth she deserved. And yet the apology I wished to utter refused to come from my lips. I just stared at her.
"Of course it matters!" she replied, narrowing her eyes at me. "You're my friend."
"Why?" I heard myself asking. "We both know I don't deserve it."
"Not this again…" she rightfully complained. "I thought you were doing better!"
"So did I. But doing better doesn't mean that I'm better. We both know that. We both know I don't… I don't deserve…" Ah. There were tears coming down my cheeks again.
"Devilla," Abigail whispered before running towards me.
"Don't," I whispered. "I don't-"
Abigail's hand was on my lips before I could finish, her pitch black eyes drilling into mine. "Don't you dare say you don't deserve it. I'm the only one who gets to decide who deserves my affection, alright?"
I nodded, faintly, as more tears flowed down my cheeks. They were striking against Abigail's hand, now, but she didn't seem to mind them.
"Now tell me what's wrong," she said, taking her hand away from my lips so that she could place it, and its pair, upon her hips. "Why the hell are you back to trying to argue down your worth? I thought you were at least starting to accept the whole 'people care about you' thing."
"Because I'm a disappointment," I replied. "Because it's all I can be. All I've ever been. I disappointed the Generals, who needed my help to keep things running. I disappointed my people, who needed me to make them feel like the sacrifices they'd made had worth. And I disappointed my mother, who gave up her life to keep our people safe. Or at least, I would have, had she lived long enough to see everything I'd done."
"You…" Abigail jammed her finger into my chest. "Big boobed bimbo. You're literally trying to end the war here! That's more than any Demon Queen before you has ever done! And you're talking about being a disappointment? Why? Because a bunch of idiots who couldn't even be bothered to raise you right expressed dissatisfaction when you stopped doing everything the way they said? Because people like to grumble about the fact that you haven't already saved them? Because you spent your entire life sitting around waiting to sacrifice yourself for everyone else until I kicked you into gear? Who the hell called you a disappointment?! I'll kick their ass! Even if it was you - especially if it was you!"
"I…" I laughed, much to my own surprise. "You… How is kicking me the answer to anything?And who are you calling a 'big boobed bimbo'? Just because yours are a little on the smaller side-"
"Yours are huge!" Abigail interrupted. "And mine are sensitive enough to make up for it, alright? Like I told you last time. You should remember that, with your perfect memory, right?"
"I… suppose I do, yes," I admitted with a shake of my head. "...Thank you. And apologies. I… I think I needed that. Seeing my mother's room after so long… brought back memories. Memories of a time where I thought I could do better than I did…"
"Well, you're doing good now," Abigail replied. "And, to be honest, you blew away my expectations the first time you got my name right, so you're about as far away from a disappointment as you can get at this point, at least in my book."
"I think your book might be a little biased," I replied, shaking my head. "I am your friend, after all, am I not?"
"Yeah," Abigail agreed. "You are. And don't you forget it, alright? Because I'll seriously find a way to kick your ass if that's what it takes to drill it through your thick skull that you're worthy."
"Perhaps you could poke me in the boobs some more?" I teased. "Or pinch them, if you'd prefer. Though you might struggle to build up enough force - it sounds like they're not as sensitive as what you're used to, after all."
"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Abigail replied. I got the feeling that she was rolling her eyes at me, even though I couldn't technically tell. "What are you doing back in the tower, anyways? I figured you'd be busy with you-know who."
"I'm pretty sure you'd draw less attention by just using her name," I pointed out. "And I am. I came to get us breakfast, actually."
"...Breakfast? You teleported to the tower… leaving Lucy alone with the woman who knows who you are, and the horned wolf that growls at everyone who badmouths you, to get everyone breakfast?"
"...Well, anything would sound like a terrible idea if you put it like that," I muttered, looking away. "It's not like I'm not going to be putting them in the exact same circumstances later, regardless, you know? Likely for longer periods, too. Consider this a test run."
"I'd consider it, if I thought you did it on purpose…" Abigail sighed. "Whatever. Come on, let me lead you to the kitchens. Assuming that this isn't something I can just do on my own?"
"I figured I'd teach Lenora a new dish while I was there," I informed her. "It's called 'hash browns' - there's more than one way to make them, actually, but the variety I'm working with involves frying shredded potatoes in oil. It goes great with eggs. And maybe some hot sauce? Though I think I'll keep that on the side, considering how Lucy reacted to it last time… I might need to get a milder bottle, too, while I'm at it."
"I'm pretty sure I could tell all that to Lenora without you giving her a heart attack with your presence," Abigail pointed out. "Especially since the kitchens are actually busy at this time of day."
"Busy doing what?" I questioned, tilting my head a little to the side. "I figured they'd empty quickly considering I'm not around to cook for…"
"Us servants need food even when you aren't here," Abigail replied, her voice once again implying a rather vigorous rolling of her eyes. "But hey, maybe interacting with Lenora in front of everyone will do her some good… assuming she survives the panic attack, anyway. Did you know they still have her on cleaning duty?"
"She explicitly didn't want to use her connection with me for her own gain," I reminded Abigail. "...That said, I suppose I could spare a few words of compliment for her potato work while I'm there…"
***
The camp was already packed by the time I made it back to Lucy and the others with our breakfast. Unsurprising, considering the amount of time it had taken me. Thankfully, Lucy greeted me with a smile and a wave rather than a reprimand.
"Is that the food?" she asked, gesturing to the four plates I was carrying - or rather, the one I was carrying, and the three I was levitating.
"It is," I confirmed, levitating my stack of dishware over to her. She picked the one from the top, allowing me to convey the remaining two to Feyra, and then place the last upon the ground for Bailey. "Eggs and hashbrowns. Well salted on both accounts, with a little pepper on the former. I've got hot sauce, too, if you'd like."
"Maybe just a little?" Lucy said, frowning. "It's a bit too spicy for me…"
"Which is why I brought a milder variant along," I replied, nodding to the bottle currently tucked under my arm with what I hoped would be a reassuring smile. "You're free to have some as well, Feyra."
"No thanks," she instantly replied, poking at her shredded hash browns with the fork I had provided. "One weird thing at a time is enough for me."
"Bailey?" I questioned next, despite expecting the head shake that followed. I knew she wasn't a big fan of spice, but thought it only right to ask considering she couldn't currently express herself.
"So these are potatoes?" Lucy asked, lifting a forkful to examine them.
"A form of them," I confirmed, unstopping my newest bottle of hot sauce. "A preparation known as hash browns, to be precise. I used to eat it with a form of sauce known as ketchup, but… well, I'm not really sure how to obtain that, these days. Hot sauce is a nice substitute, though."
Lucy acknowledged my words with a happy hum, before scooping a few pieces up and bringing them to her mouth. A tense silence followed, broken only by the sound of her chewing, and the faint noise of Feyra scraping her fork against her plate as she dug into one of the eggs. Then Lucy graced me with a bright smile.
"It tastes good! A little plain, though? I think it might be better if I mix it in with some egg yolks!"
"Another valid option," I agreed, glancing at the sunny side up eggs on my own plate. "Though not the course I'd personally take… I'm happy so long as you like them."
Though the review was a little lackluster compared to the response fries had received from Abigail and Lenora, it was well within my expectations. It wasn't as if she were eating salty food for the very first time in her life, after all. Nor was it the first time she'd had something fried in oil, in all likelihood. In fact, I couldn't even begin to imagine the variety of dishes she must have tried, as both the Heroine and a traveling adventurer. To me, it was enough that she appreciated the dish and ate it with gusto.
"I suppose the last step before breaking camp is simply to wash and put away the dishes," I remarked upon our completion of the meal, gathering our dishes.
"I can handle the washing!" Lucy offered. "Since you got the food, and all."
"I might have provided it, but I hardly cooked it," I pointed out. "And besides, you all did the work of putting away our tent and putting out the fire. The least I can do, in my opinion, is clean up my own dishes."
"Are you sure?" Lucy asked. "I mean, it's no trouble! Plus, you were gone for a while, so even if you only got the food from someone else it seems like it must have taken a lot of effort…"
"Less than you'd think," I assured her. "Half the time I spent was honestly just me getting lost… And most of the rest was merely me awaiting the dishes." Of course, there was also my moderate mental breakdown, but I didn't particularly feel like getting into it. "Besides, as you said, there's no trouble."
Saying so, I quickly pulled a sizable ball of water from the air and began to agitate it. A quick dip of each plate was more than enough to scrub free the contaminants, before Lucy even had a chance to complain about it. Or it should have been. Before I could grab a second plate, however, Lucy placed a hand upon my own.
"Eena," she whispered. "Why don't we wash them together? You can hold the magic, and I'll put the plates in."
"It's hardly a problem doing it myself," I protested, glancing at the tableware that had been stacked upon the ground. "If anything, it might take more time to do it that way."
"Maybe," Lucy agreed. "But it's not really about saving time! It's about sharing the burden. And more importantly, it's about letting you know that you can share the burden!"
"...It's just plates, Lucy," I replied, shaking my head. "Hardly a burden… and you and Feyra handled everything else…"
"That's the thing… You keep talking about you haven't done enough! Like everything is a transaction of some sort, and it needs to be equal. But it doesn't! These dishes? They're from something we ate together! This journey? Is something we're doing together! Every step is part of a greater whole! And the whole is something that we share. So, maybe I'm just overthinking things, but… I really don't want you comparing what you did to what I did, and thinking you need to do more! I want you to share the burden with me - every step of the way!"
"...You're overthinking things," I stated, shaking my head. "Definitively and totally. But if it makes you feel better… I do appreciate the sentiment. And I suppose there's no harm in splitting the work, regardless…"
"So I can help?" Lucy asked, her eyes practically shining.
"You can," I confirmed with a chuckle. "Every step of the way."
It's been suggested that my depression might have something to do with Devilla crying so much of late... I'm not sure I believe it, but I can't rule it out. Regardless, I think that it just goes to show that the road to recovery isn't always a straight line. She's got a bumpy road ahead of her... but good people to help her make it.
The ending feels a bit cheesy? But I also really like it. Lucy's sort of making a mountain out of a molehill, and yet at the same time it's exactly what Devilla needs to hear right now. She needs to know that she's doing enough. That she isn't failing to live up to her part... That someone is there to happily help.
That said, I'm a little concerned about the quality of the second half... namely because the first half seriously drained me emotionally, and I might have pushed myself a tiny bit too hard to do more? But I couldn't bring myself to stop for the night, oops...
On another note, I never actually found a good excuse to say this, but the reason Abigail's at work despite Devilla not being scheduled to arrive until nighttime? She wanted the free employee breakfast. It's good stuff!
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading! And to all of you readers, as well. I'll see you all in a week! (Or right now, on my Patreon, if you'd like to read the rough drafts (or really just not yet proofread versions) of chapter 39 and 40 for as little as a dollar!
...Can't believe I'm already on chapter 40. Feels like I was stuck on 14 just recently, and now I'm on 40...)
I like cheese, i put it on almost everything! This was a nice chapter.
The fact that Devilla hasn't moved into her mother's old room is very in line with everything we've seen so far but it's definitely a blow right to the feels. Glad Abigail was there to help her through it.
With our food consumed and our belongings packed, travel resumed without issue. Indeed, the only real difference between today and yesterday was the fact that Lucy had found an alternative to holding my hand. Namely, clutching my arm against her armored chest. The better to support me, she said, since I still insisted on wearing heels, no matter how bumpy the road before us became.
It actually did help, to be honest. With her acting as a stabilizing pillar, I could suddenly afford to spare much less attention to the cluttered path ahead of me. A good thing, by all accounts… or at least it should have been. Unfortunately, an idle mind was wont to wander, and in my case it wandered directly over to my fast approaching meeting with Nivera.
I was… scared. Frightened of how she might react to me. Abigail was insistent that Nivera thought fondly of me , but I couldn't understand how that could possibly be. Not when I'd ruined her family dynamic by firing her dam and plunging Nivera herself into despair. All because I was so desperate to keep her as a friend…
I could still remember the hatred in her eyes when she looked at me that day. The vitriol with which she had cut off her relationship to me. How she'd called me selfish, a brat who only cared for herself… Would she do it again? As ridiculous as it sounded, a part of me feared that this was all just an elaborate set-up for her to take revenge…
Still, I wanted to believe she'd forgiven me. I wanted to think that there was a chance of us becoming friends again. That I could reclaim what I had lost. It was an idiotic desire. A selfish wish that flew contrary to everything I knew, yet I still wanted to believe so, so desperately.
She was the only friend I'd ever had, after all, not counting the recent additions of Abigail and Lucy. The only person who'd ever truly cared about me. The only one who played with me as an equal, not letting me win every game we played. Who'd argued with me, not caring about my station. Who'd fought for me, growing angry on my behalf when I complained about the trivial issues in my life.
…I suppose there were others, if you counted my life as Jacob, but I wasn't sure if I should. Those friendships felt different somehow. Flatter… or perhaps static would be the better word for it. Frozen in time. I had feelings of affection for all those who had befriended me, as Jacob. Alice in particular had been like a sister to me. Those familial feelings for her hadn't changed with my rebirth - I felt exactly the same towards her today as I did the day Jacob died.
Which was exactly the problem. Where was the bittersweet feeling of loss? The sadness over never being able to see her again? Why didn't I miss her? And not just her… Everyone. Even the family who'd raised me. I felt more anger and despair about the mother I'd never known than the parents who'd been with me for an entire lifetime. Even thinking about my dam, who I knew literally nothing about, brought me a twinge of 'what if' - but Jacob's parents evoked none of that.
Perhaps it came back to how my memories worked. How my brain differed from a mortal. Jacob remembered loving his family. He remembered spending time with Alice. Playing games with her, and chatting about shared interests. Yet when I reached for the specific memories that made up those feelings, the little moments that allowed for such happiness… there was nothing. Vague recollections, at most. The knowledge that we'd done things, over the events themselves.
It made me wonder - how much of me was really Jacob? How much of him survived? Initially, it felt as if his memories had all but overwhelmed me, but now… I knew some part of him still lived on in me. Even ignoring the changes to my behavior his memories had wrought, my newfound phobia of rats spoke to his influence… but then there was his fear of heights that had fallen by the wayside.
Perhaps his memories were something akin to icing placed upon a cracked cake. Something that seeped deep into certain areas, filling up that which was missing - like empathy and compassion - but elsewhere laid only shallowly upon the surface. I had plenty of experience with flying in this life, so the icing there had flaked off when put to the test. I had none with rats, so it sank deep there…
…Was it just me, or was that a rather terrible analogy…?
"Eena?" Lucy asked from her place beside me. "Are you okay? Did you hear me?"
"Apologies, Lucy," I replied, shaking my head to free myself from unnecessary concerns. "I was lost in thought. What were you saying?"
"I wanted to know what your favorite dessert is!" Lucy repeated. "But if something's bothering you, I'd rather ask about that!"
"...Cake," I confessed, a small smile touching upon the corner of my lips. "Yours?"
"Pie!" Lucy replied without an ounce of hesitation. "Especially apple! But I like most types - except for lemon. Also, you don't have to talk about what's bothering you if you don't want to, but I hope you know I'm here to listen if you do!"
"Or you can just keep brooding," Feyra added, inserting herself into the conversation from her place at the rear of our formation. "You know, if you don't mind seeing the Heroine pout."
"I wasn't pouting!" Lucy protested. "I was just worried. I still am, actually, but if Eena doesn't want to talk about it then I'll move on!"
"It's nothing, really," I assured her, eyeing Bailey curiously. I'd half expected her to growl at Feyra's rudeness, but she was padding along without a care in the world, leading the way forward. I suppose she didn't want to anger me by frightening any of my compatriots. As things were, Feyra had given plenty of objections to her presence on the road, and not entirely without reason. Bailey would have to hide herself in the woods if we heard anyone else coming. "I was mostly just lost in introspection…"
"Mostly?" Lucy pressed, curious.
"Introspection and… dread," I confessed. "I'm meeting with someone later. A childhood friend - one who's time with me ended badly."
"Child Eena… I bet you were adorable as a kid!"
The smile I gave Lucy was a little strained, not helped in the slightest by the fact that I could hear Feyra suddenly starting a coughing fit. "I was a brat. And a lonely one at that. I sought to avoid my responsibilities, to spend time with my only friend, and when it got us both into trouble I tried to weasel my way out of it with brute force… It went about as badly as you'd think. Perhaps worse."
"How young were you?" Lucy asked, sending a concerned glance Feyra's way. Once she was sure the green haired girl wasn't going to fall off her horse, though, her earnest eyes quickly bore their way into mine.
"Six when we met," I informed her, "seven when we parted ways. But before you claim my age as an excuse for anything, you should know that my actions all but ruined her life…"
"I won't try to excuse it," Lucy said to my surprise. "I mean, I don't really know anything about it, so I can't comment on it, but it was a really long time ago, wasn't it?"
"A long time ago indeed," I agreed, frowning. "And yet I never once sought to make amends. Our friendship was shattered, and all I could do was wallow in self pity…"
"But you're meeting her soon, right?" Lucy asked. "Maybe you could do something to make up for it now!"
"I'm not sure there's anything I can do to make things right…" I admitted. "But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try. Even if she never forgives me, I at least owe her that much…"
"You shouldn't assume she won't forgive you!" Lucy protested. "Especially not if she agreed to meet with you."
"She requested to meet with me, actually," I confessed. "In truth, if her claims are to be believed, she's already forgiven me. She even wants to help me. But… I struggle to understand why. As I said, I've done nothing to deserve it. Some part of me even fears it's a trick of some sort, meant to hurt me or those I care about."
"You also shouldn't just assume the worst!" Lucy chided me. "Or at least that's what I want to say, but I know that logic doesn't always help with fear! And just speaking with good intentions won't sway your heart… but I promise, whatever happens, I'll be here for you! If you want to talk about it, I'll listen! And if you just want to cry, I'll give you my shoulder! But if it goes well, I'll be here for that, too. To hug you and celebrate with you!"
"You're sweet," I murmured, a soft smile on my lips. "Much more so than I deserve…"
"I don't think 'deserving' has anything to do with it! I'm sweet because I like you. And because it's in my nature, I guess? Anyways,the point is, it isn't based on a metric anyone else gets to decide! Not even you. And forgiveness works the same way!"
"I suppose…" I conceded. "I suppose I'll just have to find out what metric Nivera is using, then…"
"Uh-huh!" Lucy agreed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go check on Feyra! She looks like she's about to explode."
I glanced at the girl in question, who indeed looked ready to pop from the effort of biting back her curses and questions. She was probably wondering how I could possibly have a childhood friend, considering what the church taught of me… Regardless, she didn't seem inclined to say anything to Lucy when asked. She just insisted that she was alright.
Bailey, meanwhile, made her way over to me as soon as Lucy released my arm, and nuzzled her snout against my palm. The look in her eyes spoke of concern, which I met with a soft smile.
"It's fine, Bailey. Or, at least it will be."
Strangely enough, I almost believed it.
***
Nivera
"It's going to go fine," Chloe told me, patting me on the back. "Just take a deep breath."
"Fine?!" I hissed. "I haven't seen her in fourteen years! How could it be fine?! How is any of this 'fine?!' What if she hates me?"
"Why would she hate you?" my beautiful, somewhat logical, usually rational, and maybe-a-touch-too-naive fiancee asked.
"I don't know! Maybe because I barely ever let her win at board games? Or because I'm a terrible friend who sent her into a depression spiral and ruined her fucking life?"
"That wasn't your fault," Chloe pointed out.
"I know that! It was the stupid system we were born into! But what if she doesn't? What if she hates me? What if she pisses me off? What if she says the wrong thing, and I go off the deep end like a fucking lunatic who doesn't know how to keep her damn mouth shut?"
Breathe. Deep breaths. Deep breaths! Don't want Illa to think you're some sort of freak who can't even keep her cool for two seconds! Even if it's true - especially if it's true.
"You know, usually getting anything from you is like pulling teeth," Chloe remarked. "It's kinda refreshing to see you be all open like this! Like a clam willingly expelling all its sand and grit before you eat it."
"Not the time for bad metaphors, Chloe!" I reprimanded, crossing my arms and glaring at the kitsune.
"That was a simile," she pointed out, before poking me on the nose. "And you need to calm down, before our guide comes back to fetch us. Also, are you sure you don't want me around for the meeting?"
"Not for the opening," I told her. "I don't want Devilla to feel like we're ambushing her…" Would she care? The Illa of my memories would have. Not that she'd have shown it. No, she'd have greeted everyone with all the decorum that was expected of her, but deep down she'd be overwhelmed by all the new faces and all the potential expectations they might have for her…
Ugh, no more time to think. I could hear the maid coming down the hall, which meant there was a good chance she'd heard us. Which in turn meant that my little freakout was going to be common knowledge among the bloodliner gossip lovers by morning… Or maybe not. Most of Illa's maids were actually redbloods, after all. Mostly because she'd fired every bloodliner who came to work with her - and not even on purpose, so far as I could tell! She just went on firing sprees, occasionally… Also, considering her habit of making insufferable demands and throwing dishes, you couldn't pay anyone with self-respect enough to work for her for long.
Point was, I wasn't being careful enough. It wasn't like me. I usually knew to keep my damn mouth shut. Information was a weapon, after all. It could be used against me. Against those I cared about.
Against Illa.
"Niveraaaaaaa~!" A teasing voice came from next to me. "Are you listening?" A finger poked my cheek. "Maari said she'd take us to the Queen, now~!"
"Bwuh? Huh? Maari?"
"The nice maid," Chloe explained, gesturing to the kitsune in front of us. She was a bit taller than Chloe, dressed in a traditional maid outfit - all black and white, with lots of ruffles. Kinda made me wanna see Chloe in a maid's outfit. Not that I let any of that show on my face as I nodded to the girl. Maybe I'd write it in my diary, though. The secret one, not the public one, in code of course… Maybe with one of the harder ciphers? Chloe would take it as a challenge that way, and she'd probably Ma kick out of it when she finished deciphering it…
"Lead the way," is all I said aloud, trying my best not to glower at the maid. Just because she got to see Illa regularly… and probably didn't even appreciate her.
Ugh, why did I have to miss her so badly? It was easier when I could just tell myself there was nothing I could do, and repress all those feelings! But now I was back to, like, wanting to see her… to yell at her. And glare at her. And hug her. And tell her that I didn't blame her. That none of what had happened was really her fault. That I was here for her…
Not that I actually would. That would be dangerous. What if someone overheard? Even though I knew that Illa's floor was spyproof, and no magic for listening would even work on it, let alone stuff like invisibility or shapeshifting… Well, there was always a chance of somebody hiding through more mundane means, right? Someone who could use the information of how I felt against us. To hurt her. It wasn't worth the risk.
A knock pulled me out of my thoughts. Rewinding my brain a bit, I realized we'd already finished our journey down the hallway, to Illa's room… and that I'd gotten distracted again. Not good. The idea of meeting Illa again after so long was fucking with my normal sense of caution. Whatever, we were already here. The maid had already knocked. The doorknob was already rattling. My breath caught… but it was only Abigail on the other side.
"She's waiting for you," the maid told me, looking me up and down with a frown. "Be nice to her, alright? She's kind of fragile."
"Yeah, yeah…" Of course I would be nice to her. I loved her. Even if I also hated her. Even if I previously wanted to strangle her and shake some sense into her… and still did, because apparently she was back to blaming herself for everything instead of everyone else… "Don't worry. I know how to deal with her."
"You used to know how to deal with her," Abigail corrected me. "You haven't met her in fourteen years."
"You think I don't know that?" I glared. She glared back. We glared at each other. For no real reason, since I actually agreed with her… but I couldn't say that. Information - all information - was potentially dangerous. In the wrong hands, it could hurt you and everybody you cared about.
"It's fine, Abigail," came a new, yet oh so achingly familiar, voice. "I can handle myself."
"Sure you can," Abigail said, keeping her glare on me a moment longer before stepping through the door. "Go on in. And be gentle."
I pushed my way past her. Not too roughly, mind you. I didn't even make her stumble, but it definitely conveyed that I was annoyed with her… even though I actually appreciated what she was doing for Illa. How she was looking out for her. But it was better if people thought we were at odds. It might tempt them into trying to exploit an enmity that didn't actually exist. Keep them from exploiting weaknesses that were real.
"Nivera," came that familiar-but-unfamiliar voice again as I entered the room. Illa's room. With its big bed, and its plush carpet, and…. other things I couldn't really bring myself to focus on. Because she was right in front of me. Staring at me with her arms crossed. Her toes tapping, badly disguised nervousness written across her entire form. "I was told you wished to work with me on fixing a few issues."
I didn't respond. Couldn't respond. My mouth was frozen, my throat was dry, my body was tense, like a coiled spring. Like a snake ready to strike.
"...Something wrong?" Illa asked.
Again, I said nothing. My tongue was caught in my throat. My eyes were locked on her, though. On her frown. Not displeased, not really. More worried.
"If you wish to air any grievances with me, now's the time," she continued. "So long as you keep it between us, I promise not to retaliate."
"You're stupid." Wait, what? Why did I say that? The words just tumbled out before I could stop them - and they kept coming. "Dumb. An idiot who thinks far too highly of herself."
"I-" she started, but I wasn't done yet. Even though I'd never planned to say any of this to begin with. Didn't want to say any of this. Though it was bad to say all of this, I just couldn't stop.
"You think everything's your fault. Like the world revolves around you! Like you're so great, that you should be expected to solve problems that nobody else has managed to solve! You put all the blame on yourself when things go wrong! You let people turn you into a scapegoat! You act like a lightning rod for everyone's disapproval, and think you deserve it all and worse! That you're the worst! But you aren't! You're sweet. You're kind. You're an idiot. Such a massive idiot! You don't understand how familial relationships work. You think you can fix things that are beyond your control! You think you should be blamed for things you did fourteen years ago, and you probably think I hate you. You're so dumb, and I hate that. But I don't hate you."
"Nivera, I…" She hesitated. Maybe waiting for me to interrupt again? I didn't. I just stared at her. Unblinking. "I'm not sure what to say… I thought I ruined your life?"
"You made my life better. I'd be twice as fucking broken if you'd left me with the assholes who brought me into this world."
"I… But…"
"You're an idiot." I jabbed my finger against her collar bone. I didn't remember getting close enough to do so, but I must have, because I did.
"You're an idiot," I repeated. I wanted to wrap my arms around her. To wrap my tail around her, and hug her against my shoulders, like I did when we were kids. But I didn't. I'd regained too much of my self control for that.
"You're an idiot," I repeated. "But you're my idiot. My little sister, who's somehow older than me. And also my cousin-in-law-to-be, I guess. So… shut up, take my hand, and remember we're family."
"Nivera-" Illa began.
"Niv."
"We can't just… go back to how things used to be. It's been fourteen years. I'm different. You're different. We don't even know each other anymore…" She looked confused. Like she hadn't expected the conversation to go this way.
Not that I had, either.
"Then I guess it's time we got to know each other again, isn't it?" I replied, holding my hand out for her to take. "And it's going to be hard. I don't let anyone in, you know! Even my fiancee has to work for it on a daily basis! I'm a troublesome snake who nobody in their right mind would spend time around!"
"Do you really not blame me?" Illa asked, staring at my hand.
"I don't."
"You really think of me as family?"
"I do."
"...You're going to have to tell me how you ended up dating my cousin," she told me. "And about my cousin. I didn't even know I had a cousin…"
She took my hand, looking dazed.
I stared at it for a moment.
Then I yanked her into a hug.
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading!
I don't have a ton to say on this chapter. The title gave me some trouble? FallingLeaf actually came up with it. I was also very worried about the second half, back when I wrote it - depression was making me doubt myself, big time - but I'm doing a bit better on that front at the moment.
I suppose I am curious if this chapter changed the way any of you view Nivera? She really is just as broken as Devilla - but, much like with Devilla, that doesn't really make things better for those she treats badly. (And unlike Devilla, she isn't really trying to make up for any of it.)
Girl really just can't help being something of a bitch, though. To her, even something as simple as revealing your favorite food is akin to setting bait for future traps, and telling people what you don't like? Ways for them to ensure your absence... or make you think they don't want you present, so that you'll show up anyway and fall for their traps! The worst part is, it's not even paranoia if you're right. (Her parents did a real number on her. As did bloodline politics in general... )
...Believe it or not, she used to be a lot worse, back before she met Chloe. Considering it's been five years since then, I'll leave it to your imagination how she used to act...
Anyway, hope you've enjoyed reading, and I'll see you next week! (Or sooner, if you wanna head over to my Patreon where you can read the pre-proofread versions of chapter 39 and 40 for as a little as a dollar.)
That was super sweet, i gotta go brush my teeth after reading it!
I feel like if my memory was better i would absolutely be like Nivera is… as things are I do don't retain enough of who people are and what they did to draw connections like that. Having that sorta thing drilled into you as part of your upbringing sounds awful… glad she's doing better now.
I stiffened within Nivera's arms, unsure of how to respond. It wasn't like my time with Lucy - I wasn't panicking, or uncertain of the proper etiquette. I was just… feeling awkward, I suppose. Being held by a girl who'd proclaimed me to be family. A girl I hadn't seen in 14 years… I wasn't sure I had the same depth of emotion as her, the same joy at a friendship reclaimed. And yet I did wish to reclaim it. So, slowly and a little nervously, I wrapped my arms around her in turn.
"Great to see you hugging," came a new voice from the now open doorway. "But you might wanna give her a little time, Niv. From what you've told me, Illa's probably been too wrapped up in self-hatred to actually process her feelings about you up until this point - isn't that right, Cuz?"
"Sorry," Abigail said, coming in next. "She insisted on barging in…"
"Of course I did!" the newcomer - Chloe? - said. "I mean, no offense, but none of you are actually good at social stuff, are you? I figured there were even odds on whether they'd be hugging or strangling each other. And zero chance that they'd actually talk things out! "
"Wait, what do you mean none of us?!" Abigail objected.
"I mean that you're protesting for your own social skills instead of going to see how your friend's doing," Chloe pointed out. "And also none of your coworkers know anything about you. You're kind of a big blank on the information network. Which is impressive! And concerning. Mostly concerning, since I don't think you were going for that. But we can talk about that later! I'm pretty sure I've babbled enough to both befuddle my cousin and give her time to pull herself together! Two for one!"
"I'm not sure I'd really call myself put together," I protested, shaking my head. Nevertheless, I couldn't stop a small smile from curling up the corners of my lips.
Nivera, for her part, released me and slithered back a pace, turning around with her arms crossed in front of her. "I thought we agreed that you'd stay outside until Illa was ready for you?"
"No you didn't. You just don't want to admit that you were counting on my interruption, or that you're glad I bailed you out because you went too fast and now you're freaking out that Illa's freaking out, even though she looks… Mostly fine?"
"I am fine," I concurred. "If a little confused. I must admit, after nearly a decade and a half of trying to ignore my childhood, it's rather hard to wrap my head around a happy reconciliation… or the fact that I have a cousin. I take it that's you?"
"Wow, they really didn't tell you anything about me, did they?" Chloe asked, frowning. "Let me guess - they basically ignored the Redbloods in your family?"
"I don't think anyone really told me much of anything about my dam…" I confessed. "I'm vaguely aware that she was a soldier?"
"A popular one," Abigail chimed in, catching me off guard. When I glanced at her, she shrugged. "I asked my Mom. She said the Smiling Soldier was a big deal back in her day."
"Aunt Issa's sorta my hero," Chloe confided. "But we can talk about that later. Right now we're supposed to be focusing on you and Niv!"
"I'm not really sure what remains to be focused on," I admitted. "I feel like what I need most is time. Time to get to know her again - and you, for that matter."
"Then say that!" Chloe replied. "I mean, you just did, I know, but imagine if you hadn't? Niv would probably expect everything to just go back to the way things were! Now she knows it's going to take time! That's important."
Niv… didn't say anything, simply looking to the side. I did detect a faint blush on her cheeks, though.
"I… see. I suppose open communication is going to be an important part of this process, then…"
"Uh-huh! It's a big part of most processes, in my experience! Including the whole 'General Araina thinks you want to fire her, and also a mimic girl by the name of Mellany wants to cut a deal with you' stuff! Which is probably what our next topic should be."
"As much as I'd rather focus on the sudden existence of family in my life… I suppose business takes precedence…" I agreed. Only to be surprised when Chloe shook her head.
"Nah, family stuff is just better done over time. It's like heating up stew on the stove - rushing it won't get you anything but a cold meal and maybe an upset stomach! You gotta let it cook at its own pace. Besides, you've known me for like five seconds, and you already know I'm good at social situations and terrible at analogies! Give us an hour to discuss the problems plaguing you, and who knows what else you'll discover?"
"That is a rather terrible simile…" I wondered if that ran in the family.
"Oooh, points for knowing your figures of speech!" Chloe declared, seemingly oddly happy. "But we're getting off topic."
"I'm not sure what to do on topic," I admitted. "Politics are hardly my forte. If anything, I'm inclined to simply take your advice on the matter and hope for the best…
"The advice of two people you hardly know?" Chloe pointed out.
"The advice of two people who know better than me," I replied in turn. "And whom I can only hope have my best interests at heart…"
"I'm pretty sure they do," Abigail said. "I mean, Nivera hasn't even scowled at you once since you started talking, and I didn't even know she could hold those back. And Chloe… is a chaotic mess who I can't read, but Bailey seemed to like her well enough. And she's really good at reading people."
"Bailey is?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow, before shaking my head. "No, I suppose that's something to go over with her later. Right now, I'm more concerned with our plan going forward. Or the lack thereof, I suppose."
"Well, Araina's easy enough," Chloe said. "You just need to give her reassurance. Lots of reassurance. Maybe some sort of guarantee for her job security?"
"Have Mellany promise to help with her public image," Nivera suggested, before scowling. "Assuming we can actually work with her. I don't trust her."
"Usually I'd call you paranoid," Chloe said, "but this time I actually agree. Mellany's a back-stabbing bitch who's literally selling her own grandma out of self-interest. But she's also lazy, and not actually that ambitious… Far as I can tell, she mostly just wants power and influence so that she can afford to offload all her work onto other people. Tie her happiness to yours, and she'll be content… in theory…"
"In theory," Nivera emphasized. "In theory she's also been following her Grandma's orders willingly for her entire career. So either she's still loyal to Alira and this is all some sort of weird trap, or she's really good at faking loyalty. Not exactly inspiring ally material."
"My suggestion?" Chloe offered. "Give her a figurehead position. Something cushy with no real power. It's a symbolic end to the whole 'you can't work in the government' stuff for her people, without putting too much power in her hands."
"If that's what you think is best," I agreed, sending a rather helpless glance Abigail's way. She, for her part, simply shrugged - no more certain of how to deal with this mess than I. Giving my head a quick shake to regain focus, I said, "I suppose it at least suffices for a preliminary plan. We'll have to meet with both Mellany and Araina in person to truly make any decisions, though…"
"How about tomorrow?" Chloe suggested. "I can make the arrangements!"
"Tomorrow… might not be the best idea," I said. "My journey should be reaching a milestone around that point." Namely our destination. "Perhaps in two or three days?"
"Your journey?" Nivera queried. "What the hell sort of journey takes you multiple days? Where are you even going? The other side of the continent?"
I opened my mouth, wanting to claim that she overestimated my speed - only to realize that I, myself, wasn't entirely sure how long such a trip would take me. Not because I hadn't tested out my main flying speed - I'd done that during my search for salt - but because I wasn't actually sure as to the size of the continent we were on… Or, for that matter, how my speed compared to a plane, which could cross the United States from end to end in a matter of hours.
"I'm traveling with other people," I divulged, in the end. "Human people, who are, as of yet, unaware of my identity."
"Devilla?" Abigail questioned, arching an eyebrow. Though she didn't say anything further, I knew she was questioning my decision to tell them so much. It was certainly a risk - despite Nivera's claim that we were family, the truth remained that I knew little about her after so many years. But it wasn't as if I could keep the truth hidden for long, if my plan to end the war was going to go anywhere… I needed more support within the tower. From people who actually knew what they were doing, and who didn't hate me like Sylvanna…
I took a deep breath and asked, "What would you say if I said I was trying to end the war?"
"You trust people too easily," Abigail groaned, holding her head in her hands while Nivera and Chloe exchanged glances.
"I'd say you're a well-meaning idiot who's going to get her heart broken when it explodes in your face," Nivera declared after a moment.
"And I'd say your mom was a prophet," Chloe informed me, drawing stares from not only me and Abigail, but also her fiancee. She shrugged in response, glancing at Nivera. "What? You've heard Mom when she gets drunk. She always said Grimmilla was a liar for claiming her daughter would end the war, but… well, here we are!"
"Are you sure she wasn't just being a mom?" Abigail asked. "You know, like how my mom sometimes brags that I'm the best prostitute her brothel ever employed?"
"That does sound considerably more likely," I agreed. "I hardly see how she could have known, after all. Not when I didn't even know, until… well, very recently."
"Maybe," Chloe conceded, with a shrug. "But I don't think so. Mom said it's how Queen Grimmilla convinced Aunt Issa to marry her… Or, more precisely, 'how that bitch got her claws in your aunt.' She's not exactly a fan, by the way."
"I suppose that extends to me as well, then. At least it would explain why she never reached out to me, even as a child…"
"You'd have to ask her about that," Chloe replied. "I mean, I get the feeling there's actually a bit more to it? Like there was a reason she couldn't reach out to you… but it's just a feeling. You won't know if you don't ask her."
"Perhaps eventually," I murmured, grimacing at the thought. "It certainly seems as if we'd have a lot to talk about. I'm meeting enough people with reason to despise me, as it is, though. I don't particularly wish to deal with inherited grudges while I'm at it."
"Well, if you want to know more about your mom's little prophecy in the meantime, I guess I could at least ask about that?" Chloe offered. "I'm surprised she didn't put anything in the Rite of Insight, though."
I hesitated a moment, before shaking my head. "Perhaps she did. I wouldn't know. I failed to cast the rite…"
"You what?!" Nivera demanded, her eyes widening. Her hands flew to her mouth a moment later, though. "I mean… uh… you messed it up?"
"Permanently, it would seem, since trying to recast it didn't work… I messed up a word, and changed its nature in some manner. Instead of gaining the wisdom of my ancestors, I gained the memories of a past life - a life in another world. A world that had recorded media of a sort, one of which showed a possible future of this world - and the potential end of me. A spoiled brat who got deposed by her own people."
"So that's why you changed!" Chloe said, snapping her fingers. "That makes way more sense than Abigail somehow putting you back together! No offense."
"None taken," Abigail replied. "I didn't even know what sort of a mess she was until I met you two… she keeps that stuff bottled up too tight."
"Wait, wait," Nivera interrupted. "You have memories of another life? Does that mean you're… not…"
"I'm still Devilla," I assured her. "Though I can't blame you for doubting it. Even I believed that I'd changed dramatically, for a brief while… but in truth, I'm still the spoiled brat I always was. I'm simply more aware of my faults, and of where they would lead me… I try to do better, of course, but not a day goes by where I don't engage in some sort of selfish mistake…"
"...Yeah, you're Illa, alright," Nivera muttered, seemingly relieved. Then her eyes narrowed. "You're not a selfish brat, though. You're just someone who's been hurt so badly she doesn't know how to treat anyone around her."
"Mistreatment of myself is hardly an excuse for mistreating others," I protested, narrowing my own eyes. "It's even worse now that I know better - now that I know what a healthy mentality is like, through the knowledge I inherited from past life memories… Despite everything, I still give into my selfish desires, still keep things secret out of fear. I'm trying to make up for my past, all the same, but I know full well that I'll never escape it…"
"By secrets, you're probably talking about the humans, right?" Chloe inferred. "The ones you haven't spilled every detail to?"
"The very same," I confirmed. "Lucy is someone I know from the past life memories I mentioned - someone who played a pivotal role in the recorded media I found. She was the one who brought an end to my reign and peace to demonkind. She believed in the goodness of everyone… except me. Of course, that was only in the game, where she'd heard nothing but terrible things about me from everyone involved… but I suppose it might have something to do with why I'm so reluctant to admit my identity, even knowing she would probably accept it…"
"I'm sorry," Nivera said, holding up a hand. "But what the hell can one human do to bring about peace? Is she a princess, or something?"
"Not quite," I replied, hesitating once again. I'd come so far, though. There seemed little point in not saying everything. "She's the Heroine."
Quiet reigned in the room for all of a second, and then, as one might expect, all hell broke loose.
***
It must have taken at least a quarter of an hour, in the end, for everything to calm down again. For Niv to be convinced that Lucy was truly different from previous Heroines. That my plan, which was admittedly 'taped together by hope, optimism, and idiocy' could work. Assuming I could get enough support among the demons…
To that end, I had agreed to meet with General Sallina in two days' time. Prior to even my meeting with Araina and Mellany, as we would need to discuss how much to tell them. Perhaps, in the interim, I could figure out the right way to say that the Heroine had feelings for me… not to mention the fact that we'd already slept together many times. In fact, we likely would again tonight.
"You doing okay?" Abigail asked me, her tone conveying the worry her pitch black eyes failed to show. "Because you just suddenly started smiling and it's kinda creepy."
"...I was, before you called the nature of my smile into question. I was only thinking about the warm embrace awaiting me back at the camp."
"Right… maybe don't swap between frowning and smiling like that in front of Lucy? I don't know about her, but it always sends chills down my spine."
"...Noted," I grumbled, taking a moment to study my appearance in a nearby mirror to ensure that the hair dye had properly settled, before moving towards the teleportation circle. "I'll see you in the morning, Abigail. For breakfast."
"Not going to take any dinner with you?" She asked me, arching an eyebrow. "Maybe dessert?"
"I figured I'd take out a few meals from my bag," I informed her, a small smile on my lips. "I haven't finished teaching them the wonders of the potatoes, after all. I think a burger with fries and hot dipping sauce might be just the thing to win them over to its charms."
"Alright. Have fun."
She waved goodbye, a gesture I returned as I placed my feet upon the teleportation circle, and a moment later I was standing in the woods. A few seconds more and I had four steaming plates in hand, ready to serve to Lucy and the rest.
Of course, as good as they might have looked and even smelt, they distracted Lucy for no more than a second before her eyes turned to me and a smile lit her face. "So how did it go?"
"Decently," I confessed, placing a plate on the ground in front of Bailey and handing another to Feyra, who took a fry and sniffed at it. Lucy's was second to last last, with me of course taking the final plate. "Forget forgiving me, Nivera… Niv… Even went so far as to call me family… A word I never thought would apply to me again."
A look of sadness briefly flickered across Lucy's face at my words. It only lasted for a moment, though, before she came up beside me and wrapped an arm about my torso.
"I'm glad it worked out for you!" she said, squeezing me tight. "Why don't you tell me all about it while we eat?"
"I'm not sure how much there is to tell," I confessed, finding a place to sit down upon the ground, the plate of food in my lap. Lucy, of course, settled next to me, close enough for her thigh to touch my own. "When she first came in, she wasn't even saying anything…. Then, next thing I knew, a tirade of words was coming from her mouth! Suddenly…"'
I faltered for a moment as Lucy's hand slid over to grab one of mine. Only for a moment, though, before I continued my story. Hand in hand with the one girl who could save my species, a plate of hot food on my lap, and a smile on my lips, I shared my day. Though Lucy didn't say a word, the smile on her face was all I needed to know she understood.
Hope nobody minds me skipping the conversation about how Lucy is Different. We've had it several times already, and I figured nobody needed to see it yet again. The only thing you really missed is Nivera struggling between the desire to be supportive/treat her newly-restored little sis gently, and her desire to call the plan out as idiocy and rant about how Devilla has no clue what she's doing.
I hope you enjoyed the chapter. It's a bit of an awkward one, in my eyes, but I'm hoping it doesn't translate over to the reading experience. (I'm not used to writing so many characters in one scene. And then there were the Reveals on both Devilla and Chloe's part – but they seemed in character? Devilla shares way too easily when she's not panicked about the other person hating her! And Chloe…. casually dropping a bomb like that feels very on brand. Especially when it drew attention away from Devilla at a moment where she maybe needed it.)
On another note, being recognized by self-hating tendencies you've had since childhood is ow… But hey, it works? Nivera's convinced! Yay…
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading, and Lulla for beta reading!
PS: I'm taking a (very) short break right now. It's been a struggle to write lately, and I don't want to risk getting burnt out… (I'm planning on, like, 3 days at the max. It might lead to a break week in the scheduled releases, since I haven't finished chapter 42 yet... I'm hoping not, but I really need to stop pushing myself before I make things worse. The pre-proofreading version of 41 is still on Patreon for those who want early access, though! And I'm hoping 42 will follow before too much longer.)
That's certainly one way to spill the beans. I can honestly imagine her introduction. "Hi! I'm Chloe - Devilla's cousin? Or I guess Eena's, depending on who you ask. On her dam's side, obviously, since Demon Queens generally don't do the multiple kid thing. Speaking of which, did you know Devilla's the Demon Queen? Because she's the Demon Queen, and she'd very much like you to know that, but she's sort of terrified of how you'll react... Kinda funny, right? Big powerful Demon Queen terrified that the fledgling Heroine might want to fight her, instead of hugging things out. I'd laugh, if it didn't make me want to hug her so badly, myself. Anyway, great to meet you!"
I woke up once more in the comfort of Lucy's arms - something I was rapidly growing accustomed to. To the point where I actually worried how I'd take it when she inevitably stopped wanting me in her bed… but that was a problem for 'future Devilla.' 'Current Devilla' was more occupied with the question of whether to wake Lucy, alongside the knowledge that I really needed to have a conversation with her about… well, appropriate ways of doing so. Primarily whether she would prefer kisses to her breasts, or a shake of her shoulder. For now, I deemed it unnecessary to take either path, preferring to instead appreciate the comfort of her warmth for just a little while longer.
Eventually, however, all good things must come to an end, no matter how much one wished otherwise. In this case, that end was heralded not by the natural waking of Lucy, but the shrill cry of our traveling companion from outside the boundaries of our temporary domicile.
"Eena?! Where the hell did your monster go?!"
"How should I know?" I called back, utilizing a shield of air to block the sound from Lucy's ears. I needn't have bothered though, for her eyes were already fluttering open even as the last words left my lips.
"Eena?" she asked as my spell dissipated. "Everything okay?"
"It's fine," I assured her, a small smile on my lips as I bent down to kiss her on the forehead. An intimate move I made without thought, and which had me blushing bright red a moment later. "It's um…" I coughed, clearing my throat and looking away from Lucy's growing grin. "Bailey. She seems to have wandered off, somewhere, and it's causing Feyra some measure of concern."
"Of course I'm concerned!" Feyra yelled back from near the boundary of our tent. She'd apparently come closer at some point. "Your monster of a wolf is off doing who the hell knows what!"
"She's hardly going to attack anyone, if that's what you're worried about," I remarked, shaking my head as I reluctantly disentangled myself from Lucy's arms and reached for my pack. Today's outfit consisted of a black micro skirt and a red halter top that essentially covered my breasts and nothing else. To make up for the lack of fabric, I was wearing a pair of white thigh highs that would normally be a match for my currently dyed hair. Not exactly ideal forest wear, but I hoped it would at least help me to escape accusations of exhibitionism today. "There isn't even anyone on the road to attack."
"We're actually pretty close to a town," Lucy informed me, not bothering to hide her appreciation for my current outfit. "Though I'm planning for us to go around it."
"Because you don't want anyone to know where we're going?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow.
"Because she doesn't want anyone stopping us from going, more like it," Feyra grumbled from outside our tent. "I swear, she's got to be the most blasphemous Heroine in history, to be sneaking around the church's restrictions like this…"
"I'm not technically bound by the church," Lucy pointed out. "I answer directly to the Goddess! And I'm sure the Goddess would want me to help all the people who are suffering right now!"
"Yeah, sure… And I'm sure the Grand Patriarch - y'know, the one actually in charge of interpreting her intentions - would agree… If you'd fucking asked."
"I did mention it in the letter I sent him," Lucy replied, before lowering her voice to add, "the same one where I asked for the depetrification spell."
"But you're not waiting for a response, are you?" Feyra accused.
"Well… He gets really over-protective, sometimes… Everyone does… But I'm sure it's fine! Everyone also always says that the Goddess must have picked me for a reason! And that reason has to be who I am as a person, right? So I'm sure she'd want me to use my own judgment to decide what's best! Otherwise, she wouldn't have picked someone who'd do that in the first place…"
"I can't speak for the Goddess," I interjected, choosing my words carefully, "but I personally have faith in your conscience. It's the biggest part of why I came to you for help, in the first place. Because I believe in your sense of justice. Not the church's, or the Goddess's, but yours."
"Thanks, Eena," Lucy replied, jumping to her feet and giving me a hug. I returned it tightly, willfully ignoring the fact that I could feel her hardened nipples through the cloth of my shirt. A result of the morning chill, surely… "I'm going to get dressed, okay? So maybe you should go call for Bailey? Just so that she doesn't accidentally stumble into town!"
"I'm pretty sure she's smart enough to avoid that," I asserted, shaking my head. "But if it makes you and Feyra feel better, I don't mind it."
"Well… Mostly Feyra," Lucy admitted. "I'm pretty sure you're right, to be honest. But part of traveling together is compromising with one another! And if this helps her relax, then there's no harm in it, right?"
"I suppose not," I conceded with a soft sigh. "I'll leave you to get dressed, then."
I left the tent, careful to keep the flap close to my body, so as to prevent Feyra from getting a glimpse of anything she'd need to burn from her mind. The girl's issues with nudity were exasperating, in my opinion, but it was like Lucy said - there was no need to make trouble, when simple concessions could avoid it.
"Good to see you awake," Feyra sniped, before gesturing to the woods outside our clearing. "Now do you think you could call your pet monster back before she does any damage?"
"I already told you she wouldn't attack anyone unprovoked," I reminded her.
"And what about if she was provoked?" Feyra questioned. "Because let me tell you, most people aren't just going to pet the pretty puppy with the blood red horn that's capable of tearing them apart!"
"...I'll be sure to pass along the fact that you think she's pretty," I replied, trying not to let my own newfound concern show. Feyra would probably take it as fear for her imagined scenario, but the truth was rather the reverse. Since I had ordered Bailey not to attack anyone, there was every chance she'd allow herself to be harmed before breaking that command.
"Bailey!" I called as loud as I could manage. Then again, for good measure. When no response came, I briefly considered using magic to amplify my volume - loud enough to shake the entire forest, if need be - but, thankfully, there was a rustling from the forest before I could implement my plan. A moment later, Bailey strode into camp.
With two rabbits in her mouth, and one impaled upon her horn.
"You hunted breakfast?" Lucy asked from behind me.
Bailey barked, letting loose the rabbits in her mouth, and pushed the third off her horn with a paw, causing it to land on the ground with a soft thump. She looked to me, clearly expecting praise, but all I could manage was a weak smile, centered in a pale face.
"Eena?" Lucy queried, gently wrapping an arm around my waist. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I assured her, shaking my head. A little too rapidly, perhaps, as I sent my hair flying from side to side. "I'm just… not used to my meat being so… fresh…:"
"What?" Feyra asked, rolling her eyes. "Can't stand the sight of dead rabbits?"
"Feyra!" Lucy exclaimed, dismay clear in her tone. "You shouldn't make fun of people for being sensitive! Not everyone's used to hunting."
"I'm fine," I promised once again. "It's not like I'm going to get sick or anything, at the very least… It just… caught me off guard." The sight of white fur, stained red. The sharp smell. The sight of Bailey, with her black fur also marred by blood. I was under no illusions as to how she'd fed herself before meeting me, just as I knew full well how my own meals were made. But the visceral sight of the dead rabbits hit me more fully than expected. Odd, considering how easily I'd taken to the death of Bailey's pack… but they hadn't been particularly bloody.
Besides which, Jacob had never owned a dog, as much as he might have liked one, only a pet bunny.
Bailey whined softly, clearly upset by my reaction. It sent a stab of guilt through me. She had clearly hoped for praise, and yet she was met with disgust at the sight of her efforts. I took a deep breath, squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, and then forced myself to look at her.
"You did fine, Bailey. I'm sure the rabbits will be delicious. I'm simply unused to hunts like this. It's a me thing - nothing wrong at all on your part…"
"Maybe you should take a walk?" Lucy suggested, glancing between me and Bailey with a worried furrow to her brow. "I'll make them into something more recognizable as food by the time you're back, and we can have a good meal if you're up to it! Or you can get something from wherever you've been getting food, if you'd prefer?"
"...I think I'll take you up on that," I said, moving towards the woods. I was aware of Feyra giving me a strange look, no doubt wondering why the Demon Queen was unused to bloody corpses, but I couldn't be bothered to explain myself further. I simply walked into the woods with a shake of my head, hoping to avoid trouble. "Call for me after you've eaten."
For now, I'd go back to the tower for food… or perhaps even eat something from the Empty Bag, once my stomach settled enough to be up for it… Probably the latter, since I wasn't sure I was up to seeing Abigail, or anyone else, at the moment. I didn't want to ruin more people's moods, just because I couldn't handle something so simple.
It was best to dine out here, so that Abigail could eat in peace.
***
Abigail
Devilla's floor was strangely… peaceful, with its owner gone. There was a tension I was used to seeing, or maybe more like not seeing? Something so damn normal that you only noticed it when it disappeared. The maids were more at ease. The chefs didn't feel like they were a moment away from being fired. Even the head of staff had a smile on her lips. It was surprisingly… annoying.
I mean, all this, just because Devilla wasn't around? It wasn't like I didn't get it… Hell, it wasn't even the first time I'd seen it… but… Damn…
"Better than you," I said, rolling my eyes at the nervous dragon girl. I'd invited her to sit on the bed with me while we ate, but she'd insisted on standing in a corner of the room instead. Just being in the Queen's bedroom was too much for her already, I guess… "Sorry for dragging you in here. I didn't think you'd be so nervous without Devilla around." Not that I'd actually expected her to be absent, in the first place. I was guessing she must have forgotten our plans for breakfast, somehow, despite her so-called perfect memory.
"N-no, it's fine…" Lenora said, shaking her head and hand at me simultaneously. "I-I mean… I've never gotten to eat lunch with a coworker before… N-not that we're coworkers, exactly. I mean, you're the Queen's personal maid! And I'm just an apprentice chef… W-we don't even work in the same area… but… It's nice…"
"Says the girl who's too terrified to even sit down with me," I pointed out.
"I… that's just…" Lenora looked away from me. "I mean, it's the Queen'sbedroom… What if we get crumbs on the floor…?"
"Then I'll clean it up. I am a maid, remember?" I gestured next to me on the bed. "Now come on - either sit down, or put your foot down and tell me you want to go somewhere else. Preferably before your eggs get cold."
"I-I can just reheat them…" she pointed out, glancing between me and the bed. Then me again. Then the bed again. Then me.
"That's not the point, and you know it," I grumbled, shoveling a fried egg into my mouth as I got up from my own seat. "Come on, let's go eat somewhere you'll be more comfortable… which I guess means literally anywhere else…"
"I-I usually just eat in the kitchen before going back to work," Lenora admitted, following me out of the room with her tail dragging against the carpet.
I opened my mouth to reply, only to be interrupted by a vaguely familiar, high pitched voice.
"Wow! That's really loser-ish! No offense! I'd just rather die than eat by myself! I mean, there's soooooo many cute girls to eat with! Or off of. Or out! The last one's my fave."
"G-General Sylvanna?" Lenora whispered, staring past me with wide eyes.
Except she wasn't looking up at a ten foot slime, but down at… well, she couldn't have been more than a foot tall.
"Sylvanna?" I asked to confirm, with a hell of a lot more doubt in my voice than Lenora's, and absolutely none of the awe.
"That's me!" the mini slime girl declared, waving her hand up in the air with a big smile on her face. "All…. uh… I forget what per… um…. Per-per- amount of me! But it's definitely me!"
"Right… Devilla mentioned something about this…" Sylvanna could split herself at will, but the smaller she split the dumber she got.
"I told her I'd be coming for stat… uh… info!" Mini-Sylvanna reminded me. "I was supposed to a while ago, but I kept getting distracted and forgetting! At least until a bigger-me sucked me up and then I was all 'oh right!' and 'sigh' and off I went again! That happened, like… uh… some number of times! A really big one! Higher than I can count right now… the bigger mes probably know, though!"
"Riiiiight… So that's why Devilla said four percent of you was an insult…" Was this even four percent? For all I knew it was more… Now that was a scary thought.
"Well, I do really like insulting her!" Sylvanna said. "Cause she stinks! And she's terrible. And she's awful! And stuff. Big meanie stuff!"
"...Sorry, Lenora, but can you go ahead and eat by yourself?" I asked, turning to my… friend? Acquaintance? Draconic-coworker? Whatever. "We're gonna have to do the whole friendly lunch thing another time."
"That's fine," Lenora replied tersely. She wasn't looking at me, though. She was glaring - glaring! - at Sylvanna. "Work comes first, right? Even when your boss is as caring,kind, and selfless as the Queen."
"Wow! That's a list of ad…ad… words I never thought anyone would use for Devilla! I mean, selfless? She's, like, the most selfish! And the least kind! And the worst! I mean, she totally threatened my entire species, y'know?"
"When she was, like, seven," I pointed out. "I mean, yeah, it sucked, and no, being a kid doesn't entirely excuse it, but as the closest thing to an adult in the equation you could have cut her a little slack… maybe not abuse her for the next fourteen years, at the very least?"
"Pshhh, like she would have known what to do with kindness!" Sylvanna crossed her arms. "That girl has, like, zero heart! None! She's basically a monster! I bet she wouldn't even spare a scrap of food for a starving orphan!"
"Sh-she would!" Lenora said before I could reply. "She definitely would… I bet she'd spare a whole meal!"
"Yeah, yeah," Sylvanna said. "Whatever. I'm just here to find out how she's doing with the whole 'get-the-spell-from-you-know-who' thing!"
"Who?" Lenora asked, blinking.
"Nobody!" I interrupted before Sylvanna could say something stupid. "Nobody you need to worry about. Trust me, okay?"
Lenora looked back and forth between me and Sylvanna, before slowly nodding. "Okay?"
"It's not like I was gonna say it!" Sylvanna protested, as Lenora went down the hallway. "I mean, even I know better than to say Queenie's with-"
"ROOM!" I interrupted, opening the door to Devilla's bedroom and pointing inside.
"...Fine…" The mini-Sylvanna pouted, before starting to slide her way in through the door. "But it's not like I have anything to talk to you about, anyway!"
"Yes, you do. Because I'm the one who's going to give you a status report about Devilla… assuming you're going to be able to actually report it to… big you?"
"Of course! I have the bestest memory!" Sylvanna promised. "You'll see!"
"Sure I will," I replied, glancing down at the breakfast still on my plate. Cold eggs, cold sausage, cold toast…
Hopefully Devilla was having a better breakfast than me.
***
Devilla
Walking in the woods - upwind from camp - did, in fact, help my mood. Color soon returned itself to my cheeks, and hunger quickly began to stir within my belly. Thankfully, I had an Empty Bag full of food for just such an occasion.
Today, I was particularly in the mood for a set of skewers. They were a bit fancier than what I'd eaten with Lucy - marinated in sauce for who knows how long prior to their cooking, with spicy peppers and onion interspersed between the glistening chunks of meat. Though I'd originally requested them in the hopes of eating a more casual meal - something other than the 'fine dining' I was used to in this life - the chefs had nevertheless poured all their skill into making something worthy of their Queen. Or perhaps it was better to say 'worthy of their time,' considering their low regard for me on a personal level…
Regardless, I was excited to take a bite. Before the succulent meat could even reach my teeth, however, a high pitched whine stole my attention, drawing my eyes to the ground. A red fox sat there, its white tipped tail sashaying from side to side as it eyed me and my breakfast.
"Hungry?" I questioned, arching an eyebrow. I was surprised to find a wild animal willing to beg for food, but perhaps it had had some luck with humans in the past. The campsite we had chosen was one often used by those traveling the same road as us, after all…
"I suppose I could spare a bite," I declared, tugging a piece of meat from the skewer and crouching down to offer it to the canine. "You know, you remind me a little of my cousin…"
The fox's nose twitched, its tail flicked from side to side, and its body tensed - then it was in the air, its teeth clamping down not upon the proffered treat but rather the wooden stick that had been grasped by my other hand. Though my hold upon the skewer did not waver, the thin stick itself snapped under the weight of the flying fox, who scampered off as soon as it landed.
I stared after the retreating animal for a moment, shocked, amused, and a touch indignant. Then, a moment later, worry crossed my face - for it had taken not just meat, but onion… Something I was pretty certain foxes weren't meant to have. At least, that was my guess going off their relation to dogs…
I hesitated a moment, unsure of what to do. I could have simply let the matter go, of course. It had stolen far more than what I had generously offered, after all, so one could say that any ill fate that befell it was merely its comeuppance… but it was food I had put within its reach. It was my responsibility, to some extent… So, with a sigh, I levitated myself an inch off the ground - relying on arcane magic - and took off after the scampering creature.
It wasn't difficult to track. At least not for me - not when I honed my ears, and focused on the sounds it made running through the underbrush. What it lacked in subtlety it made up for in swiftness, but with me floating an inch above the ground I had little trouble keeping up.
Not that there was much to 'keep up' with. The journey lasted barely a minute, before the fox came to a halt in front of its burrow, turning around and dropping the skewer as it bared its teeth at me. Unusual behavior from a fox, from my understanding, but a quick glance into the burrow it protected revealed the reason for its defensiveness. Another fox dwelled within its depths, protectively draped over a few kits whose form I could just barely make out.
"...No wonder you're desperate for food." I sighed, bending down and reaching for the skewer. The fox let out a high pitched scream, similar to a woman's yell, and attacked my hand immediately. Its claws made no headway against my skin, however, and in the end it could do nothing to stop me from taking away its 'hard won' meal. "I suppose the Monster Movement is tough on wild animals, as well as humans, hmm? But this isn't fit for your ilk…"
Instead, I reached into my bag and pulled out a large steak. One I knew hadn't been cooked with onion, or garlic, or anything beyond salt. I quickly tore it apart with my bare hands, letting the pieces rain down upon the ground for the fox to take.
"This will suit you better," I declared, bending back down to place the final piece in front of the creature. It sniffed my hand, curiously, for a moment - then barked, its hackles rising as it snatched up the piece and ran back into its burrow. "...Not enough to win your trust, I take it? Well, I can hardly blame you… I am a stranger…"
"I think it might have more to do with me, actually!" came a voice from behind me.
"Lucy?!" I spun, surprised to find the redhead standing behind me, waving happily.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle it. Or you! I think you were a little too focused on the fox to notice me, though."
"That… might be the case," I admitted, a rueful smile on my lips. "I've noticed I have a tendency to block things out when I'm focused…" Like how I didn't even register everyone talking in the guild hall when I first reunited with Lucy. "...How much of that did you catch?"
"Well, I only came out at the end," Lucy admitted. "So I didn't really see much. But I did hear a lot before that! The scream was sort of worrisome. Especially when I heard you say that the food you had wasn't 'fit for its ilk.' But then, when I got close, I saw you pulling out a steak, instead! How much food did you bring back, anyway?"
"More than I need," I confessed. "Though not enough to feed every creature in these woods."
"I guess we'd better hope the other foxes don't get any ideas, then!" Lucy teased me, a bright smile on her face. "Do you still have enough for your breakfast?"
"And then some," I confirmed. While it was true I didn't have enough for everything in the forest, I could probably feed those in the near vicinity without issue if I was willing to burn through my entire supply. "But why? Weren't you planning to eat the rabbit?"
"Well, I started thinking about the smell," she admitted. "And I didn't want you to get uncomfortable! So I told Bailey she could have all of it. She's probably done eating by now!"
"Are you sure that was wise?" I questioned, furrowing my brow. "It seemed to me that you were quite looking forward to eating it."
"Not if it makes you uncomfortable! I mean, I'm not really sure why it bothers you so much… and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to! But you're more important to me than any rabbit!"
"It's hardly a secret," I confessed. "It's merely that I had a pet rabbit as a child… and a stuffed animal, too, for that matter."
"Had?" Lucy asked. "What happened to them?"
"The rabbit died years ago… it's little more than a bittersweet memory at this point. And as for the toy… Well, I… asked someone to hide it… It reminds me of my mother, you see - it was something she had made for me - and… during my dark period, there came a day where I couldn't stand to see it. So I asked… or more like demanded that someone hide it away from me. Somewhere I would never find it…"
"Do you think you could get it back?" Lucy asked, reaching out to squeeze my hand.
I shook my head. "I'm not even sure what happened to the girl who hid it. Fired from my service some time ago, no doubt… assuming she didn't quit, to escape me. I was… unpleasant to be around, during those dark days. And I honestly find it hard to believe that I'm all that much better, now…"
"Well, I like being around you!" Lucy declared, giving my hand another squeeze. "And I'm pretty sure Bailey appreciates you, too!"
"Then I suppose all that's left is to bring Feyra around, hmm?" I teased, forcing a small smile. One that became more real when Lucy flashed me a grin of her own.
"If anyone can do it, it's you! I'm sure of it!"
"You have too much trust in me," I feigned complaining, shaking my head. "But when you say it with such confidence… why, I almost find myself believing it."
A rare three part chapter~! I could have technically made part 3 the start of another chapter, but I'm planning to just fast track them to Daroom Woods after this chapter, and... well, I wanted a more upbeat closing. Devilla went through a bit of trouble this chapter, after all! (Also, I wanted a response to Sylvanna's accusations within the same chapter.)
To be honest, I wasn't sure about giving Jacob a pet rabbit, but a friend said the reaction would make more sense if I went through with it. I kinda liked the idea of Devilla's reaction coming entirely from this one lifetime, for once, but at the same time I wanted the extreme reaction to make sense... Oh well.
The fox-based interaction, by contrast, is one I've planned for a while. To be honest, it's mostly just an excuse for Lucy to see more of Devilla's good side! A lot of her feelings for Devilla are based more on instinct and insight than solid fact, so I wanted her to have some specific moments she could look back on and say, "That's her true nature!" Preferably something that she didn't hear about second hand, and which can't be explained as her just trying to get on Lucy's good side.
Other than that? My writing break is officially over! But my writer's block is still being a bit stubborn... The good news is that there's no risk of burn out! The bad news is that the chapter 42 is just going to take me a bit longer than I'd like, as I push through this. Hoping to have it done in the next few days, regardless. Still, this may result in me going silent for a week or two, in terms of public releases, so that I can get Patreon it's two chapter buffer back. I'll try and make said break as short as possible- we're getting closer and closer to some chapters I'm super excited about, and I'd hate to leave you in the lurch - but I'm sort of at the mercy of my writing muse and writer's block...
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading! It makes the story that much better~!
"So?" Mini-Sylvanna asked, gelatinous hands on her half-formed hips. "What's Queenie up to? Has she made any pro-pro… uh…. Has she gotten the spell thingy yet?"
"She's close," I promised. "Lucy doesn't know the spell, but she's promised to get it and give it to Devilla."
"Right. Because promises are totally things Heroines keep to Demon Queens. Next you're going to tell me to trust Queenie, or something?" Sylvanna giggled. "Trusting Queenie! That's a good one!"
"Devilla thinks she'll keep it," I told her. "And while I don't exactly know what to make of the whole 'trustworthy Heroine' thing either, I do trust Devilla."
"Because you're a dumb-dumb," Sylvanna declared. "A dummy dumb-dumb who does dumb things. Like trusting in someone with no heart!"
"She's got more heart than you," I snapped, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "At least she's actually trying to do something about all the crap she pulled! You're just gleefully abusing her without a care in the world."
"And why should I care?" Sylvanna demanded. "She sucks! In a really… like… sucky way! She threatened all the slime girls in existence! All of them!"
"Is that all you can say? Because I agree it was sucky of her, but we already talked about that in the hallway and I'm pretty sure neither of us are going to be changing our answer any time soon."
"Well… Uh… She did other things, too! Like… uh… She slapped maids for saying they're prettier than her! And made a bunch of chefs sit in the dungeon for a day when they messed up her food!"
"You think I don't know she was a bad boss?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at Sylvanna. "I used to have to pretend I was terrified of her, just to keep from being fired, because she literally couldn't tell the difference between fear and respect! But she's changed. She's become a better person!"
"People don't change!" Sylvanna insisted. "Tiger girls can't change their stripes! Except for really bad dye jobs, which don't really stick. Which… probably means something, like, met… uh…. afork-ly? Or something? It's something big me likes to say!"
"Well she…" I hesitated. I wanted to say that Devilla had changed. I was pretty sure she had. But it wasn't like I could explain the whole 'memories shoved into her head' thing, and I wasn't going to get anywhere arguing with Sylvanna's world view. Plus, when I thought about everything Nivera told me - everything she'd said about how Devilla used to be… "Well, maybe she's always been good, deep down, and the fucked up politics just dyed her bratty for a bit. I honestly don't know what to think. But I do know that Devilla's trying her best. For you. For me. For everyone."
"Whatever," Sylvanna huffed. "You just keep believing in your stinky boss. You'll see, though! You, and that dragon girl, and everyone else! You'll all see how terrible she is!" Sylvanna declared, before turning towards the door and stretching her arm up to reach the handle. A moment later she had the door pulled open, and she slipped out into the hall, making her way past a stressed out looking Lenora on the way back to her own floor.
"I-is everything okay?" Lenora asked me, nervously fiddling with the end of her tail. "I couldn't hear anything from out here, but… she looks mad…"
"Everything's fine," I promised, forcing a smile. "We just have a difference of opinion on Devilla. But she'll see - Devilla will come through in the end."
Maybe Sylvanna didn't have any faith in Dev, but I did.
***
Devilla
A growl assaulted my ears, moments before a blur of green and purple launched itself at me. A sigh escaped my lips as I caught the incoming creature's paw and tugged it forward, drawing it into a brief spin before tossing it back into the woods from whence it came. "I can see why nobody wants to come here during the Monster Movement. The attacks are becoming a real nuisance."
We were barely at the outskirts of the Daroom Woods, and yet already I'd had to fend off razor-clawed sloths, electricity-welding possums, and now what looked to be some sort of poisonous jaguar. It was utterly absurd.
"Nuisance?" Feyra asked. "You think this is a nuisance?! A nuisance is… I don't know… being out of bread when you want a sandwich, or something! This is a fucking disaster zone!"
"I think Eena just has different standards," Lucy remarked, putting a hand on Feyra's shoulder. "I mean, none of these creatures are much of a threat to her."
"...Perhaps I am downplaying the dangers, a little," I admitted, privately wondering if I'd gone a little overboard with showing off my power. It wouldn't do for anyone to get hurt because I'd held back, though. "What I don't understand is why they're suddenly swarming us. The creatures on the way here weren't nearly so eager to try their luck against us."
"That's probably because of Bailey," Lucy informed me, causing the horned wolf in question to turn her head towards us. "Horned wolves are pretty strong, and monsters are pretty smart - they aren't going to mess with any group that contains one when we're just passing through their territory… especially since the territory they're protecting is only temporary, anyway. They usually prefer to live in places with a higher concentration of magic!"
"A higher concentration?" I questioned, unfamiliar with the phenomenon.
"Uh-huh! Forests and stuff tend to have more magic power, which means the monsters that live in them can recharge their magic quicker and use their abilities more often. That also means that most of the monsters that get displaced can't use their abilities as freely as they're used to, though, so they're also more cautious! But now we're reaching the ones that have just barely managed to cling to the outskirts of the woods - they don't want to risk what they have, so they're acting a lot more territorial… even though they're really outmatched…"
"It's not like they know that, though," Feyra pointed out. "If they did, they'd probably turn tail and flee for their lives."
"Perhaps if I spread out some magical energy, then?" I suggested. "Though the last time I tried that, I only ended up instigating an attack…"
"You mean with the spiked bears?" Lucy asked. "I don't think that's really a worry, this time. Everything here already wants to attack us…"
"It'll basically make it impossible for me to find any healberries, though," Feyra said. "You know, the things we're theoretically here to find? I'm not even going to be able to turn my magic vision on to begin with if you're flooding the whole damn area."
"We can find the healberries on the way back," Lucy replied. "Though I was sort of hoping your ability might be able to help us figure out what's causing the Monster Movement… I'm pretty sure whatever's doing it is closer to the center of the woods, though, so we can worry about that when we get there!"
"You're far too carefree for a Heroine," Feyra complained, putting her head in her hands. "But fine. Whatever. Not like we can really take our time looking for healberries when these damn monsters are attacking us every five minutes, anyways…"
"Alright then," I murmured, focusing on my magic. I felt the warmth of it suffuse my being, flowing through my skin as the energy left me, saturating a wide area around us. It was enough that I was pretty sure I felt the hit to my magic capacity, though it was already lessening, my regeneration outpacing the energy required to sustain my control over the magic.
The response was both immediate and dramatic. An array of tiny creatures scattered from the underbrush, spiky lizards and long fanged squirrels running for the trees. As did something… bigger. Something large, whose journey I could track through the shifting of branches and leaves, but whose body was rendered invisible even to my senses.
"...Anyone else a little freaked out by the whole invisible stalker thing?" Feyra asked. "How long was that thing even there?"
"I have no idea," I confessed, staring in the direction it went. "I'm simply glad it didn't try attacking."
"Me too," Lucy agreed. "I didn't even know there were invisible monsters in these woods…"
"I suppose that was rather the point," I quipped, shaking my head. "Perhaps we can warn people when we're done with our mission?"
"We should!" Lucy agreed. "Though hopefully it'll move back into the woods, afterwards…"
Bailey let out a little noise that I took to be agreement. She sounded almost annoyed, though, sniffing the air and glaring after the creature. Perhaps she was annoyed that she'd missed it?
"What?" Feyra asked, seemingly also picking up on Bailey's ire. "Don't tell me you couldn't smell the damn thing either?"
The wolf shook her head, before growling after the beast and taking a step forwards, leading the charge deeper into the woods. For my own part, I merely traded a glance with Lucy before following after, determined not to let Bailey get too far ahead of us. For all her protectiveness, there were clearly threats she couldn't detect, let alone handle.
Not that I was going to tell Bailey that.
***
Our journey through the woods wasn't precisely a quiet one. We stomped upon foliage, forced our way through underbrush, and occasionally hacked through a branch or two, generally making a nuisance of ourselves in the eyes of the forest ecosystem. Not that said ecosystem seemed intent on lodging complaints. In fact, many of the animals seemed to be making a bit of a mess themselves as they scampered away from my display of magical might.
"I never knew there were so many types of monsters around here," Lucy commented, her eyes sparkling as she watched a flock of pink birds take to the skies. "Life really is always interesting around you!"
"Always the optimist," I remarked, unable to help the smile that came to my lips, even as I shook my head from side to side. "How far do you think we are from the center of this forest, anyways?"
"No clue!" Lucy chirped, flashing me a bright smile. "But I'm sure we'll find it if we keep going straight!" Saying so, she reached into her pack and pulled out a wooden disk with a metal arrow on it. It was a compass that she'd been checking on and off since entering the forest. A necessity, with the trees around us having grown thicker, and the canopy above our heads blocking out our view of the sun.
Except…
"Is it just me, or have the trees been getting thinner lately? I can almost see the sky again."
"It's not just you," Feyra confirmed, looking up, and then down again. "It's only in this area though. The trees thicken up on either side of us…"
"It's almost like a path!" Lucy pointed out, before frowning. "Why would anyone make a path in the Daroom Woods, though?"
"Maybe it leads to a bandit hideout, or something?" Feyra suggested.
"If it is a path, then it must have been abandoned quite a while ago," I remarked. "The trees might be lacking, but the ground's overgrown with underbrush as anywhere else."
"We should follow it!" Lucy declared. "It might have something to do with the Monster Movement!"
"I doubt it," Feyra scoffed. "It'll probably just lead to some sort of… I don't know. Wooden fort? Whatever bandits like to use!"
"...Not bandits," I corrected, shaking my head as I followed a bend in the 'path,' pushing through a few branches to reveal a clearing. Within it sat a small building, with a pointed roof and an equal-armed cross sticking out of its crumbling roof, arrows attached to each segment. It was a symbol I recognized from the silver coins that humans used. "Not unless they're the religious sort."
"What's a church doing here?" Lucy asked, eyes wide.
"There's a plaque on the wall," I remarked, walking towards it with narrowed eyes. In truth, I could read it from across the clearing, but I didn't see the need to announce just how good my eyes were. Instead, I waited until I was right in front of the crumbling building, Bailey trailing just half a step behind me, her head swiveling back and forth as she sniffed the air. "Milton Monastery. In isolation we learn…"
"Who the fuck would isolate themselves in a monster infested forest?" Feyra demanded, gesturing around us to make the point.
"People who are really determined to learn things, I guess?" Lucy suggested, studying the plaque. "Do you think there's any chance they learned about the Monster Movement while they were here?"
"Assuming this place doesn't predate the Monster Movement," Feyra remarked. "It's only been a thing for the last couple decades."
"Well there's only one way to find out," I declared, moving towards the building. "We'll have to explore it ourselves…" Not that I was sure a building this decrepit would have anything to teach us. I wasn't an archaeologist, able to pick apart hidden truths from exploring a relic. The only hope I had was that some bit of writing had somehow survived… and yet, at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder if it was truly a coincidence that we'd found a monastery here in the center of the forest. One that likely predated the Monster Movement, no less.
Perhaps I was only overthinking things, though. It wasn't as if the church had anything to do with monsters, after all… Right?
Surprise chapter is a surprise! I was originally going to skip this week, due to falling behind after my break, but not only did I finish the rough draft of chapter 43 for Patreon yesterday, I also wrote out all of chapter 44... By which I mean 44 basically tore its way out of me over the course of two hours, starting around 10 PM and finishing at about midnight. Both are now up on my Patreon - and I gotta say, I'm pretty proud of them. They're pretty big chapters, too! Not in terms of length - they each clock in at around 3,000 words - but in terms of impact.... Well, you'll see over the next two weeks! (Or sooner if you join my Patreon, for as little as a dollar.)
Fun fact: I originally wasn't going to include the bit between Abigail and Sylvanna. I saw that some people were looking forward to it, though, so decided to write it – and it went much smoother than Devilla's part… Character interactions are just plain easier for me than writing of journeys and discoveries, I guess?
On another note, I'm happy to have finally established what the church's symbol looks like. We've known they use crosses ever since I established the coinage, but I didn't want to go with a crucifix for them – wouldn't make much sense, in my opinion. As it stands, the symbol essentially represents one of their core tenants – expansion.
Think 'manifest destiny' and you're on the right track. They're of the opinion that humanity needs to grow and expand until the entire continent has been taken under their control, and the 'manifestations of sin' (monsters, demons, and Demon Queen) have been permanently wiped from the land.
Thanks, as always, to FallingLeaf for proofreading and Lulla for beta reading!
Reading the story and really enjoying the hell out of it! Like others, I actually skim over the lewds because the combination of personal drama, world building, and implications is what's really engaged me! And it's causing me to think...
In terms of knitting things together between the Heroine and the Demon Queen, it seems things are basically in the sack. Lucy's gonna obviously be in for a terrible shock and emotional turmoil, but it seems that Devilla's overall plan will work perfectly. I have noticed, however, the obvious catch.
Lucy isn't all of humanity. A humanity who has had literal millenia of building up a system of political-religious hatred towards the demons/monstergirls based on untold millenia of misinformation, likely both originally intentional and originally unintentional. Hell, even the demons/monster girls probably don't have a wholly accurate picture of what happened.
Now Lucy's status as the Heroine does, on it's own, manage to give her a lot of political heft as much as she may not like it. But she's not going to be the only one and the story has already hinted at the potential fissures, like the Grand Patriarch being the actual head of the church and he's probably gonna be none-to-pleased when she comes back saying something that runs so much against the grain of their Church doctrine like "the demon queen's chill, we should treat their people with civility and equality". And I've got a sneaking suspicion whatever they find in that monestary is gonna further substantiate that.
So something tells me things aren't gonna be quite over once Lucy and Devilla have their romantic kiss in front of the Tower's cheering populace...
Having never been in a monastery before, I had little beyond Jacob's shallow knowledge to go on when it came to what to expect. Most of that came from TV shows and fantasy books - hardly reliable sources. So while part of me expected to see cavernous halls leading to private rooms with stone beds, I wasn't that surprised to find nothing of the sort. In fact, the building wasn't even large enough to house such things to begin with. It was more like a chapel than a full fledged church, let alone a proper monastery.
What the place did have was holes. Holes in the crumbling ceiling, holes in the walls, and even a massive hole in the ground. The latter being the most interesting, as it revealed two more floors - and another hole - further down.
It also had the markings of a stampede. Splintered pews of rotting wood that looked like they'd been burned in some places, shattered in others, and even made to disintegrate in a couple spots. Claw marks had gouged the stone floor in places, some as large as my hand and others as tiny as my pinky finger. There was even one part of the stone that looked as if it had somehow melted.
There were also feathers. Quite a lot of them, actually. White ones, piled up in the corners and sprinkled across the ground. As if something had shed them in great quantities, and recently…
"Pretty sure something calls this place home," Feyra remarked, putting words to my suspicion.
"Something small, though," Lucy declared, picking up a bit of plumage. "Or maybe just something with lots and lots of really tiny feathers? I'm not sure something small would be able to claim this place, during the Monster Movement…"
"Unless it somehow caused the Monster Movement," I speculated, frowning at the large hole in the ground. There was more rubble down below, unsurprisingly, but it was something else that caught my eye. Something I couldn't quite make out from my current vantage point, as it only barely peeked out from under the rocks.
"Anyone else want to take a peek down below?" I asked, bringing my eyes up to hone in on what remained of the place's back door. It had been reduced to little more than splinters. Splinters that had been blown away from the staircase it once hid.
"Not really," Feyra grumbled. "But something tells me I'm going down there anyway…"
"Well… I do want to go," Lucy admitted. "But I'm sure Bailey would be willing to stay by with you, if you Devilla asked!"
"Yeah, because I trust the monster to guard me," Feyra scoffed, shaking her head. "No. No way. I'll go down into the fucking monster-infested bowels of this place, where it's safer." She paused, glancing at me. "Or at least as safe as anywhere else is, these days…"
"I really wish you wouldn't insult Eena like that," Lucy complained, hands on her hips. "She's been nothing but nice to you, but you won't even give her a chance, just because of… whatever you know about her."
I didn't miss the hesitation in Lucy's voice before she spoke those last words. Nor did I miss the glance she'd given me. It was almost as if she knew what Feyra did, but I was willing to bet she only thought she did. I'd probably let slip a hint or two about my inhuman nature during our time together, after all, but my royal status? That likely remained hidden. Most likely she thought of me as only a random demon who'd escaped from her dark past in the tower…
Regardless, I'd be telling her the truth soon enough. For now, I needed to focus on putting one step in front of the other, stepping lightly so as to avoid destabilizing the structurally unsound building around us.
"Hold on, I think I left the lantern in the saddle bags with the horse outside," Lucy said, glancing back at the door through which we came. "I'll go get it real quick."
"Be careful," I warned her as she moved towards the door. "We don't know what might be lurking around here." In truth, I was half tempted to join her on her brief journey outside, but I knew she could handle that much by herself. Not that I wouldn't be out the door like a rocket if I heard so much as a disconcerting thump from her direction.
"Be careful?" Feyra parroted as soon as Lucy passed out of sight. "Seriously? If you care that much, you could just command the monsters to back off instead of putting on a fucking show all the time."
"You speak as if I can actually control the things," I remarked, frowning. "My ability to scare them off notwithstanding, there's no such connection between us."
"Says the girl with control over a horned wolf," Feyra pointed out, jutting her chin towards the panting specimen in question.
"Bailey's a… special case. I assure you, I have no control over monsters in general, no matter what the church teaches on the subject."
Feyra rolled her eyes, but made no retort, leaving us in an uncomfortable silence broken only by Lucy's return.
"Got it!" the redhead declared, holding a lantern that shone almost as brightly as her smile. "Now we can actually see where we're going."
"Probably for the best, considering all the holes about," I agreed, glancing once again at the massive pit in the middle of the floor. "Well, let's see what downstairs has to offer, hmm?" I suggested, moving towards the stairs.
"Uh-hm!" Lucy agreed, hurrying up to stand right beside me, holding the light in front of me. No doubt she wished to make sure I could see, but I had little need for the lantern. As always, darkness posed no obstacle to me, the dark stairway as visible within the light as outside of it as we made iour way down. But if the lantern helped the others, then it wasn't as if it affected me… negatively…
…Wait. Last time there'd been a lantern, it had affected me, had it not? It had ruined my night vision. So why was I able to see now? What had changed? The world should be blind outside the lantern's light, should it not?
"Eena?" Lucy called out to me. "Is everything okay?"
"...I'm fine," I assured her, shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut. When I opened them again, the world was as bright before me as ever. "Just… lost in my own head."
Being confused about my body and its abilities was nothing new. I just wished there was somebody I could ask… The only person who might know anything was General Doll, though. The Artificial Construct General who'd been serving my family for generations, and who had known more Demon Queens than I could count… but we didn't exactly get along. I'd blamed her for failing to ever intercede on my behalf, despite her role as the de facto leader of the Generals. She, meanwhile, saw me as someone who'd undermined the legacy of my family through sheer brattiness. Not to mention the resentment she no doubt held for me, for stripping her role of tower administrator and shoving it upon Sylvanna when I, myself, failed to live up to the task.
"Are you sure?" Lucy asked. "Because you stopped moving, all of a sudden. And now you've got this really pensive frown on your face, like you're thinking really hard about something…"
"Just… dealing with some intrusive thoughts," I confessed. "Namely about how I estranged myself from all who could help me… nothing to do with what we're currently facing."
"But it's still important to you, isn't it?" Lucy questioned. "So it's important to me, too!"
"I truly appreciate it," I told her, "but there's nothing to be done about it at the moment. We should focus on the task at hand. There might be dangers ahead…"
"We can if you want," Lucy agreed. "But I'm here if you want to talk about other stuff, too! It's not like we can't keep an eye out at the same time."
"I'll… keep that in mind," I promised her, a soft smile coming to my lips. "Though I fear I already know what your advice would be."
"To reach out to the people you need help from, because it might not be as bad as you think?"
"And to stop doubting myself so thoroughly," I confirmed, my smile growing a touch wider. "Things I'll keep in mind for after we're done exploring this place."
"Can we maybe stop talking about personal issues and get a move on?" Feyra called from behind us. "The sooner we're done exploring this place, the sooner I can stop worrying about a roofcrushing my skull."
"As if I'd let the place collapse around us," I scoffed. "I am still saturating the area with my magic, you know?"
"Like I could ever forget it. Feeling your magic gives me goosebumps."
"Really?" Lucy asked. "It just makes me feel really warm, safe, and happy! Like being wrapped up in a magical hug of Eena-ness."
"That's because…" Feyra sighed, and I could just imagine her sliding her hand down her face. "You know what? Nevermind. Let's just keep going."
I hummed out a noncommittal response, rather than risking the continuation of the argument, before moving my feet once more towards the next floor. Soon, the staircase reached a landing, and with it another splintered door, the shards aiming inwards this time.
I considered continuing down the stairs, for the thing I'd caught a glimpse of through the hole was located at the very bottom, but ultimately turned towards the door and the new floor. I'd likely be able to see what I was after just by peering through the hold, now that we'd come this far.
Here, at last, I found the huge halls I'd been expecting at the start. Here, the ceiling was high, the crumbling archways were grand, and the room was cavernously large. It was also stuffed with the remnants of what looked to be desks. Papers laid strewn upon the floor, all writing lost to time and scratch marks. Dark stains splattered the walls in places - blood, perhaps? I don't think anyone but me and maybe Bailey noticed, though, with the lantern light likely failing to stretch so far.
"Something terrible must have happened here," I remarked - an obvious statement, but nobody else was talking and I felt as if something needed to be said.
Bailey let loose a low growl in return, looking around the area nervously, ears twitching and head swiveling about as she searched for threats. Lucy, meanwhile, only nodded, staring about with wide eyes. Feyra, meanwhile, failed to even call me out on my unnecessary remark.
"Was this place really a monastery?" Lucy asked eventually, even as I made my way towards the hole in this room's floor.
"It looks more like a work area," Feyra remarked, eyeing the remains of desks. She bent down towards one, yanking open its drawer and setting loose a few yellowed papers. She snatched one from the air as the others fell. "Experiment number 180 - sparkling sloth - healberry slurry mixture. No changes in… I can't make out the last word."
"Experiment?" Lucy asked.
"Experiment," I confirmed, having laid myself down next to the hole so that I could better peer past its edges. On the far side of the next floor down was a huge cage, the door of which had been torn free of its hinges. The twisted metal bars of said aperture were what had caught my eye, all the way from the first floor. Though I'd somehow missed the multitude of white bone fragments, which laid amidst tiny bits of stone. "On live subjects, from the looks of it…"
"You mean on monsters?" Lucy asked, glancing between me and Feyra. "Someone experimented on monsters?"
"And animals," Feyra said, picking up a second piece of paper from the floor. "Pretty sure this one's talking about normal sloths - healberry slurry, again, and no results. Not that I know what the hell they were planning to get from feeding them expensive magical plants… Or maybe not so expensive, since we're standing in the middle of a magical forest."
"Let's look for more intact papers," I suggested, looking around at the various desks strewed about. "There might be more information to gather."
The others nodded, turning towards the drawers, and we began to search for any intact compartments and the knowledge they might hold. We found a few papers similar to what Feyra had shown - each listing an animal or monster, what I assumed to be their diet - sometimes a magical plant, sometimes another monster, and in one disturbing case the same monster - and what results they'd received, if any. No successes in the documents I'd found. It was Bailey, however, who found something worth reading, half buried under something she disintegrated with her horn.
"Is that a journal?" Feyra asked, staring with wide eyes at the booklet Bailey had uncovered.
"So it would seem," I confirmed, studying the cover. 'Goddess Forgive Us' was written on its front in shaky handwriting - as ominous a starter as I had ever seen. By contrast, the first writings within it were rather well written, the handwriting a neat scrawl. I wondered how long it would stay that way. A glance at the inside cover revealed the name Timortus, written in the corner.
"'We're not supposed to keep journals,'" I read aloud, "'but I'm keeping one anyway. It keeps me sane in this isolated place. I hope the Goddess can forgive my indiscretion, but it's not as if I'll be sharing any of this.'"
"If they didn't want to share it, why the hell did they stick it in a work area?" Feyra questioned.
"Maybe they changed their minds?" Lucy suggested. "Maybe they hoped people would find it after… whatever did this."
"The only way to find out is through reading," I declared, holding up the book. "Shall I continue?"
"Please do!" Lucy agreed, smiling at me.
Feyra, meanwhile, rolled her eyes before backing up a few steps. "I'll listen from… elsewhere," she said, before muttering under her breath, "I can't believe those two can be so fucking lovey dovey in the middle of a spooky abandoned monster lab."
I chose to ignore her words, opening the book up again and reading through the pages. The first few were banal enough - talk of what he'd eaten, how hard work had been. It only obliquely referenced the work itself, the writing clearly meant as a way to vent, rather than sharing information.
He wrote of his commitment to the goddess. He wrote of how their work would make a difference. Slowly, the form of it took shape - research to learn how better to control monsters. To 'tame the sins that face us.' But there were also researchers whose focus was elsewhere - Timortus didn't like them. Their work ran close to blasphemy. They wanted to know if they could make new monsters - monsters with helpful abilities. Some even wanted to make current monsters stronger. All for the Goddess, though. Always for the Goddess.
Then the handwriting began to get shakier. One of his fellow researchers had produced something new. A monster under their care had given birth to a stillborn baby girl- one that looked almost human, but for the nub of a tail.
"A monster girl?" I whispered aloud, even as Lucy exclaimed, "A demon?!"
I couldn't resist throwing a glance towards Bailey, who tilted her head at me in turn. Then I shifted my attention back to the journal before me.
"'This is wrong,'" I continued reading aloud. "'This is not the Goddess's will. This cannot be the Goddess's will. The higher ups were happy, though. Thrilled, even. They wanted to push harder, to try and get a live specimen, for Goddess knows what reason. They have to be stopped. I must stop them! I must bring this place to an end!"'
"'Goddess forgive me.'"
"...What do you think he did?" Lucy asked, worry laced through her voice.
"Freed the monsters?" I suggested. "Or something to that effect, at least…"
"Hey!" Feyra called, from a corner. "I found a bunch of, like, stone… paws? And talons, and other feet-bits, I guess. Some weird shit. Do you think they kept statues in here?"
"Statues?" I questioned.
Suddenly Bailey's head snapped upwards. At the same time, I heard something flapping. I looked up, surprised to see a… chicken? Except with a snake for a tail. A snake with indents where its eyes should be.
"Bwak!"
It's cry was… not particularly threatening. The purple gas that emanated from its maw, on the other hand, was absolutely terrifying. It quickly filled the room, even as the chicken-creature - basilisk? Cockatrice? Whatever it was - descended towards our floor.
Feyra was the first to cough, letting out a low groan. Lucy followed a second later, but she at least managed to stay on her feet, even as Feyra collapsed to the ground. I, meanwhile, felt nothing at all. I didn't even need to breathe to begin with.
Was it alright to share that, though? Should I pretend to be affected, if only for the sake of show? Would it be counted as a lie? A betrayal of Lucy's trust?
The thought shook me for only a moment. It only caused me a split second of delay. Yet it was in that brief period that the chicken found its way to the floor and lunged towards Feyra. In that singular moment Lucy cried out in warning, and jumped forward to cover Feyra's body with her own. An instant of hesitation was all it took for the snake head to snap forward, catch Lucy on her unarmored wrist, and sink its fangs into her.
Another second later I was by her side, the cockatrice disappearing in an explosion of flesh and feathers as its remains splattered against the wall.
Lucy was smiling at me, a thanks on her lips, even as she turned to stone.
Well, the beginning felt a bit rough, but I managed to shake off the writer's block by the end! To the point where I finished chapter 44 the same night I wrote this, and 45 the very next day... I know I'm sorta evil for leaving this cliffhanger, but at least I can guarantee on time releases for the next two chapters? So be sure to tune in next Weds for chapter 44, tentatively titled Trust and Tears! (The next two chapters mark the end of volume 3 and its epilogue, btw. The rough drafts of which are both available to read on patreon, of course~!)
In other news, the mystery that is Devilla's body continues! I swear there's an explanation for it all. You'll find out what it is, too... eventually... I'm quite curious as to what people might be speculating in the meantime, though.
Other than that? I just want to thank FallingLeaf and Lulla for proof and beta reading respectively! Also a big shout-out to all my wonderful patrons, and just my readers in generals - your comments, likes, and just overall positive responses are all wonderful motivators to keep me pushing forward! (Not that I could stop writing this story if I wanted to - it's got its hooks in me, now - but knowing people are looking forward to reading what I write is always encouraging.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over there in the corner, definitely not giggling wickedly to myself about this cliff or anything! (Fun fact: I almost had Lucy say something along the lines of how she should have learned the depetrification spell after all, but decided that the poison would work a little too fast for last words.)
I hope we'll get to learn something about Feyra's personality soon, other than her being generally bitter and distrustful of Devilla. She spent a lot of time on screen, but she still comes across a bit 2-dimensional.
