Just because it was New Years' Day and a weekend to boot didn't mean we were taking a break from the uploading project. In fact, all our employees being at home meant I could fully join in on the Tinkering without blowing my cover.
As we looked at the rat cage, I noted,
"I assigned one of the security robots to feed the rats. I don't think we could avoid getting attached to them otherwise."
Melissa nodded,
"Probably a good idea. Right, let's pick out a test subject."
Unlucky rat selected and prepared, we went down the checklist. We'd accounted for every single issue that we'd spotted with the version 1 QUD, but that was no guarantee version 2 would be remotely safe for me to use.
That's why we were doing animal testing.
Checklist complete, Melissa got the honor of pushing the big red button. She could have just sent a wireless signal, but where was the fun in that?
I quickly bagged the rat carcass, while the robo-rat flailed for a few seconds. It eventually recovered and got to its feet, but something was clearly wrong. That rat was way too still, and didn't seem interested in doing much of anything.
After a few minutes of staring at the readouts, I remarked,
"We forgot the hormones, didn't we?"
Melissa nodded.
"Didn't do the neural network in the gut either. No wonder that rat's emotions are so screwed up."
Staring at the almost completely still robo-rat, I sighed.
"Pretty sure that rat's emotions are completely gone, not just screwed up."
That's when a perimeter alert went off. I quickly pulled up the footage from one of the discreet surveillance drones we had flying around, and got a look at a group of five neo-nazis approaching. Their leader was himself an unnatural shade of white.
Alabaster, the faux regenerator.
Melissa groaned,
"Want to keep Tinkering while I deal with them?"
"Sure."
(Melissa)
I quickly suited up in my combat armor, got six security robots to flank me, and grabbed the electrolaser rifle I'd built for situations like this. As soon as Alabaster rounded the corner I ordered the wide garage door to open, and projected my voice at full amplification.
"What the fuck do you want, Alabastard?"
The four unpowered goons were quaking in their boots, even as their leader frowned slightly.
"How uncouth. I just wanted to let you know that we've heard of your little charity fund, and we think it's quite admirable. But you're quite new to the scene; don't you think an experienced organization would be better suited to allocating its resources?"
"No."
"That wasn't a question. Surely you realize that those uncivilized animals in the ABB are after your head too, to say nothing of your altercation with Squealer? Something horrible could happen."
"You do realize I fully expect the Nine to take a swing at me at some point, right?"
Alabaster's eyes widened slightly, but he pressed on,
"All the more reason to sign up with the Empire and put our dif-"
I cut him off at 140 decibels.
"I'm going to be incredibly fucking blunt, because you don't seem to have gotten the message through your thick skull. We'll take the 'or else', thanks. And you'd better bring every last bit of firepower your deplorable little club can scrounge up, or you don't even have a chance to make it stick. Now fuck off before I taze you."
With that, I slammed the factory's armored garage door right in their faces.
Melissa and I quickly got down to strategizing.
"So yeah, we have to assume the entire Empire is coming to have a go at us, and soon too. Thoughts?"
After a moment, I answered.
"We need to establish that we're not interested in the cops and robbers nonsense, and also that we're not pushovers. I'm thinking immediate lethal force hitting as many of them simultaneously as possible. Basically, go for a time-on-target strike."
Melissa thought for a moment.
"I can definitely see the logic there: cautionary tale by way of smoldering craters. We're going to need some heavier weapons than our current loadout though; I'm thinking anti-tank guided missiles for Hookwolf along with the giantess twins. Probably lidar-guided."
I nodded, "We could also do with some heavier beam weapons. Sure the electrolasers can kill, but they can't catastrophically demolish a person in an instant like we need them to do. Needs to be something that won't incidentally blind people in the surrounding area too."
"Really big concussor?"
I shook my head.
"Not enough time."
Melissa shrugged,
"In that case? Megawatt class UV lasers are probably your best bet. The wavelength is short enough that it can't pass through the air without ionizing it first, so it's relatively eye safe."
I nodded. We'd already gotten quite skilled with UV lasers courtesy of the electrolasers. IR would be arguably superior, but time was of the escence right now.
I asked,
"Division of labor?"
"I'll get missile production going and modify our robots to carry the new weapons. You design the lasers and get a good night's sleep. It's probably going to take at least a day for the Empire to organize their siege."
And so we each got on with our part of the preparations. True to our expectations, I was able to prototype a 1.6 MW laser within forty minutes.
Well, strictly speaking it was four separate 400 kW lasers shoved into a bazooka-style casing. Didn't combine the beams coherently, but for the cutrent job that wasn't really needed.
The UV lasers in this particular model of death ray were also pulsed, which considerably upped the lethality. A sequence of small explosions drilling into a target was a lot more rapidly lethal than the slow burn-through of a continuous laser after all.
As soon as I got a laser-maker up and running (which only took another three hours courtesy of robot labor), I went to check in on Melissa.
"So, I've got the laser production up and running. How are the missiles coming?"
Melissa groaned.
"I'm having trouble sourcing the propellant and explosives. We just don't have enough nitrates on hand, and can't get more in on short notice. Don't have the time to implement the Haber-Bosch process to start making them locally, and there's no way in fuck we're breaching the sewer to get them."
I thought for a moment.
"Could they be substituted for?"
Melissa blinked.
"They can, actually. If I stick a beefy energy receiver in there, I can use an electric rocket with inert propellant, and a similar idea for the warhead. Just need to figure out a shaped charge effect and we're golden."
I nodded,
"I've got a few hours before I'm going to bed. Want help on the energy teleportation parts?"
"Yes please."