Chapter 18 Part 3
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Shinji stared at the invitation Rei had handed him. Asuka sat near him in the WILLE break room, holding her own invitation, still in it's white envelope.
They were invitations to Ria's birthday party, which was being held at Ayanami's apartment.
Asuka was clearly somewhat dumbfounded by the fact that it had been Rei who had given them the invitations. Rei hosting a birthday party did feel like Shinji running in a Triathlon, theoretically possible but so very unlikely. But this was the kind of person this Rei was, it was easy to forget that she was someone else sometimes.
Shinji found himself staring at his invitation nervously for a multitude of reasons. The first was quite simply the fact that he had, rather cowardly, avoided speaking to Ria for quite a while. She was owed an apology. He still felt he had been justified with his anger; she had lied to them and nearly killed Misato after all. But he had overreacted. She had undeniably good reasons for keeping that secret and Misato had attacked first.
The fact that Ria had consented to him being at the party was a very good sign. Perhaps she had forgiven him as well. Still, he owed her an apology. Next time he saw her, he would give it to her.
The second reason was very simple: They were going to be at the party. And he really, really didn't want to be anywhere near them right now.
'Them' of course being his and Asuka's other selves. They, particularly the older Asuka, had chewed both of them out after the last attack. Claiming they had no right to judge what their older selves had done, that they had not suffered like they suffered the first time, and what they had done, what the other Shinji had done, was because they had been "broken" at the time.
Part of him wanted to dismiss it out of hand, say they were cowards trying to justify what happened after the fact. But then he thought of what Arael did to Ria, and Armisael's transformation.
'Why did it have her face?' Shinji wondered for the hundredth time. 'Why did it have Ayanami's face?'
"Maybe we shouldn't attend. We might cause a scene," Shinji said quietly.
"Oh, no," Asuka protested loudly. "If we don't show up we're just going to vindicate what they were saying. I will not allow that weak woman to think she has a victory over us."
"Weak?" Shinji questioned.
"'Oh, it broke me!'" Asuka mocked. "'Nearly made me kill myself!' Please." She snorted in derision. "Oh sure, Arael hurt Ria, and for that they're gonna die. But she's not broken, she's just traumatized. If Ria was able to handle it, I can too!"
"Well, I mean they are getting therapy for her. We never would have gotten that in our time," Shinji pointed out.
The few therapy sessions that Shinji had been able to get to had helped, though talking about his issues with a strange was incredibly uncomfortable.
Asuka frowned scornfully. "Doesn't justify them acting so superior to us. We're fighting multiple Angels at once! That's far worse than anything they dealt with! Plus, you heard that woman. They're still lying to us. She outright admitted it!"
That part of the conversation had been playing over and over again in Shinji's head. They were still lying to them, keeping secrets. What was left for them to cover up? What was so bad they didn't want the two of them to know about it even after they already knew what the other Ikari did. Was it related to Rei? The Evangelions? Their parents? What Asuka went through with the Angels?
Whatever it was, they were all lying about it. Misato, the other Shinji, Asuka, maybe even Ria. It was hard to grasp, really. With his father, learning that he had lied and used them made sense. It fit everything he had seen of the man. But Misato clearly cared for them, the same with Ria, despite of what she actually was. And their counterparts, despite all the bad things they had done, they were in most other regards trying to be good people. So why did keep acting like this? Why were they hiding and lying as much as his father had?
"Maybe we can't handle it," Shinji said meekly. "Maybe they're right to keep it from us."
"Don't be stupid," Asuka snapped. "They clearly handled it eventually and we're certainly far better off than they were at our age. They just don't want to own up to any more of their mistakes."
Part of Shinji found himself agreeing with her. They certainly had made a lot of mistakes. But something about that rang hollow. He kept his mouth shut though, unable to articulate the thought.
/
"Dr.Akagi, I need to speak with you."
Ritsuko looked up to see Ayanami standing in her doorway, two white envelopes held in her right hand. This was quite the surprise considering Rei wasn't schedule to see her again until tomorrow.
"Okay, what can I help you with?" Akagi replied, too taken by surprise to say anything else.
"I need to get invitations to the two arrivals from the other universe. Ikari and the other Suzuhara. I don't know the address though, so could you have them delivered?" Rei said as she held out the invitations.
Ritsuko stared at the letters like they were on fire, her brain trying to make sense of the situation. She had heard the First Child was planning Ria Soryu's birthday party, which in itself sounded like madness. But why on earth was Ayanami asking her of all people?
"Why come to me with this?" Ritsuko asked as she took the letters. "I mean, I can have it done but why not ask Misato or Sub-Commander Soryu?"
"The Dr. Akagi of my universe was able to help me arrange the dinner party I had planned," Rei explained.
Something inside Ritsuko's stomach lurched. She felt sick and uneasy.
"W-what sort of relationship did you have with the Dr. Akagi of your world?" she asked, dreading the answer.
"Dr. Akagi oversaw most of my medical care and was largely in charge of managing my daily affairs when Commander Ikari was too busy. We were close, I think. Were things different between you and the Ayanami of this universe?"
"...Yes, quite so." Ritsuko stammered, visibly shaking. "I'll make sure these inivations get out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have quite a lot of work to do."
Ayanami left the room. Ritsuko slammed her head into her desk the moment after the door closed.
Retiring and pursuing a career in alcoholism seemed incredibly tempting at this very moment.
It wasn't that she was completely surprised by this. She has suspected there was something different, perhaps drastically so, about the Akagi of Rei's Universe. Ayanami had been so much more emotive and the lack of medication made that clear. But suspecting and knowing were vastly different things.
'I could have been so much better,' Ritsuko realized.
Almost everything she had done back then was for selfish reasons or madness like the destruction of the Dummy Plug System. Even her attempt to kill Gendo Ikari during Third Impact had been born out of her own selfish anger and jealousy. She had never truly made up for what she had done. And she could have, Ayanami was proof of that. She could have done so much more.
"Have I actually even improved?" she wondered out loud, "Or am I the same selfish monster I was back then?"
/
"Do think this party is a good idea?" Shinji asked as he prepared a cup of coffee.
It just him and Asuka at the kitchen table. Ria was still in her room.
The birthday party had caught them off guard, particularly since it came from Rei. They had agreed to it at first expecting that it would only be them, Rei, Kyoko, Koda, and Mari. Then the RSVPs began coming in yesterday. Everyone they had expected had said yes, plus both of their younger selves were going to attend, as was Hikari, though it seemed Kodama was a very firm no still, and most surprisingly, Misato had also said yes.
"I don't know," Asuka admitted. "Ria's not doing horrible but I worry if she's too fragile right now."
Things were going somewhat better than Asuka had expected. Her daughter was recovering fairly well from what happened. Though she could barely look Shinji in the eyes most days and she was having trouble sleeping.
"Maybe we should wait until Ria's sees a therapist. See what she says about the idea," Asuka added.
Of course that would mean putting off the party until three days after her birthday at the earliest. Tracking down a psychologist with both the clearance they needed and a willingness to help someone who was more than human had been difficult. The woman they found had been attached to Bethany Base of all places before Third Impact.
"Yeah but…" Shinji was doubtful. "We could use a break from all this. It seems like every time we try to plan for vacation, something comes along and dashes it against the rocks. I think we're allowed at least few hours of fun."
"How much fun is it going to be with Misato there?" Asuka pointed out.
Misato's apology, while clearly heartfelt, had left them more confused than anything. Now she apologies? Now, after the damage has already been done? The mood in WILLE since the battle had been odd, most of the staff still clearly disliked Ria, but a few of the guards had come forward to apologize, not to her though, but to Asuka and Shinji. And it was clear they were only doing it because they had been friends with the guard Shamshel had killed.
"She's trying," Shinji pointed out. "Which is more than either of us expected."
"We're looking at a birthday party with three Angels, two Pilots and a woman who until a week ago was shouting about how much she wanted every Angel dead," Asuka pointed out.
"Things change," Shinji replied. "I guess we have to figure out how to change with it."
Asuka's phone rang, pulling her out of the conversation.
The caller ID displayed 'KIRISHIMA RESIDENCE' in big bold letters.
"Hello, Mari," Asuka greeted warmly.
"Hi... Miss Soryu," Mari sounded nervous, and still a bit tired. "So, quick question: Is Ria going to school today?"
"She said she was but I wouldn't call it a certainty," Asuka explained.
Personally she thought it was mistake, but Ria had claimed she needed the stability and familiarity. Asuka figured if anything went wrong she could just withdraw her and start preparing to enroll Ria in college come fall. That way she had months to recover from the horrors she had suffered with Arael.
"Okay. So, could I ask you to-" Mari paused mid-sentence. "Actually could I ask a favor? Would it be alright if I took Ria out on a date tomorrow?"
"You know she's not exactly in the best mental state right now?" Asuka replied.
Ria was doing extremely well all things considered, but Asuka knew what Arael was like. That monster had dug into her hard. What it did in moments could take years to heal.
"I know I know. I just want to give her an early birthday gift, take her mind off things, show her a good time," Mari explained.
"What sort of good time?" Asuka questioned, her voice growing icy.
Asuka actually liked the girl. She was kind but not spineless and was far more understanding than almost anyone she knew. And Asuka was fully aware that that night happened because she and Shinji had been hilariously careless. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to give them free reign.
"NothinglikethatIpromise!" Mari spat out nervously. "I just... I mean just some time on the town. Take out to eat, go to the bookstore, maybe take her to the botanical gardens, or that museum on Mount Hiei. And I'll have her home by a respectable time."
"By ten," Asuka corrected.
"Of course," Mari quickly conceded.
Asuka looked at Shinji, who simply nodded in approval.
"That sounds like a lovely evening. You have my approval. I'll bring it up to Ria if she decides not to attend school today."
"Thank you," Mari replied. Asuka could almost hear the bow on her end. "And if she's not up for it I completely get it."
"Well, I'll either see you tomorrow or at the party then," Asuka said.
"Actually speaking of the party. I noticed the invitation said bring a dish. But I was a bit confused, do we bring snacks or desserts or main courses?" Mari asked.
Asuka still wasn't sure why Rei had added that. Or had asked to host the party in the first place. But when it came to this Rei she just learned to roll with the surprises.
"I don't know, so assume it's just bring whatever you want," Asuka replied.
"Okay good!" Mari replied cheerfully. "I'm bringing tacos. Have a good day!"
She hung up the phone.
"Well that was nice of her," Shinji said. "I don't know many kids who would even bother asking the parents."
"True," Asuka said, suddenly feeling rather skeptical. "It was almost... too respectful."
Shinji looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"It's probably nothing," Asuka said as she took a sip of coffee. "Just make sure to check the credit cards afterwards."
They were invitations to Ria's birthday party, which was being held at Ayanami's apartment.
Asuka was clearly somewhat dumbfounded by the fact that it had been Rei who had given them the invitations. Rei hosting a birthday party did feel like Shinji running in a Triathlon, theoretically possible but so very unlikely. But this was the kind of person this Rei was, it was easy to forget that she was someone else sometimes.
Shinji found himself staring at his invitation nervously for a multitude of reasons. The first was quite simply the fact that he had, rather cowardly, avoided speaking to Ria for quite a while. She was owed an apology. He still felt he had been justified with his anger; she had lied to them and nearly killed Misato after all. But he had overreacted. She had undeniably good reasons for keeping that secret and Misato had attacked first.
The fact that Ria had consented to him being at the party was a very good sign. Perhaps she had forgiven him as well. Still, he owed her an apology. Next time he saw her, he would give it to her.
The second reason was very simple: They were going to be at the party. And he really, really didn't want to be anywhere near them right now.
'Them' of course being his and Asuka's other selves. They, particularly the older Asuka, had chewed both of them out after the last attack. Claiming they had no right to judge what their older selves had done, that they had not suffered like they suffered the first time, and what they had done, what the other Shinji had done, was because they had been "broken" at the time.
Part of him wanted to dismiss it out of hand, say they were cowards trying to justify what happened after the fact. But then he thought of what Arael did to Ria, and Armisael's transformation.
'Why did it have her face?' Shinji wondered for the hundredth time. 'Why did it have Ayanami's face?'
"Maybe we shouldn't attend. We might cause a scene," Shinji said quietly.
"Oh, no," Asuka protested loudly. "If we don't show up we're just going to vindicate what they were saying. I will not allow that weak woman to think she has a victory over us."
"Weak?" Shinji questioned.
"'Oh, it broke me!'" Asuka mocked. "'Nearly made me kill myself!' Please." She snorted in derision. "Oh sure, Arael hurt Ria, and for that they're gonna die. But she's not broken, she's just traumatized. If Ria was able to handle it, I can too!"
"Well, I mean they are getting therapy for her. We never would have gotten that in our time," Shinji pointed out.
The few therapy sessions that Shinji had been able to get to had helped, though talking about his issues with a strange was incredibly uncomfortable.
Asuka frowned scornfully. "Doesn't justify them acting so superior to us. We're fighting multiple Angels at once! That's far worse than anything they dealt with! Plus, you heard that woman. They're still lying to us. She outright admitted it!"
That part of the conversation had been playing over and over again in Shinji's head. They were still lying to them, keeping secrets. What was left for them to cover up? What was so bad they didn't want the two of them to know about it even after they already knew what the other Ikari did. Was it related to Rei? The Evangelions? Their parents? What Asuka went through with the Angels?
Whatever it was, they were all lying about it. Misato, the other Shinji, Asuka, maybe even Ria. It was hard to grasp, really. With his father, learning that he had lied and used them made sense. It fit everything he had seen of the man. But Misato clearly cared for them, the same with Ria, despite of what she actually was. And their counterparts, despite all the bad things they had done, they were in most other regards trying to be good people. So why did keep acting like this? Why were they hiding and lying as much as his father had?
"Maybe we can't handle it," Shinji said meekly. "Maybe they're right to keep it from us."
"Don't be stupid," Asuka snapped. "They clearly handled it eventually and we're certainly far better off than they were at our age. They just don't want to own up to any more of their mistakes."
Part of Shinji found himself agreeing with her. They certainly had made a lot of mistakes. But something about that rang hollow. He kept his mouth shut though, unable to articulate the thought.
/
"Dr.Akagi, I need to speak with you."
Ritsuko looked up to see Ayanami standing in her doorway, two white envelopes held in her right hand. This was quite the surprise considering Rei wasn't schedule to see her again until tomorrow.
"Okay, what can I help you with?" Akagi replied, too taken by surprise to say anything else.
"I need to get invitations to the two arrivals from the other universe. Ikari and the other Suzuhara. I don't know the address though, so could you have them delivered?" Rei said as she held out the invitations.
Ritsuko stared at the letters like they were on fire, her brain trying to make sense of the situation. She had heard the First Child was planning Ria Soryu's birthday party, which in itself sounded like madness. But why on earth was Ayanami asking her of all people?
"Why come to me with this?" Ritsuko asked as she took the letters. "I mean, I can have it done but why not ask Misato or Sub-Commander Soryu?"
"The Dr. Akagi of my universe was able to help me arrange the dinner party I had planned," Rei explained.
Something inside Ritsuko's stomach lurched. She felt sick and uneasy.
"W-what sort of relationship did you have with the Dr. Akagi of your world?" she asked, dreading the answer.
"Dr. Akagi oversaw most of my medical care and was largely in charge of managing my daily affairs when Commander Ikari was too busy. We were close, I think. Were things different between you and the Ayanami of this universe?"
"...Yes, quite so." Ritsuko stammered, visibly shaking. "I'll make sure these inivations get out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have quite a lot of work to do."
Ayanami left the room. Ritsuko slammed her head into her desk the moment after the door closed.
Retiring and pursuing a career in alcoholism seemed incredibly tempting at this very moment.
It wasn't that she was completely surprised by this. She has suspected there was something different, perhaps drastically so, about the Akagi of Rei's Universe. Ayanami had been so much more emotive and the lack of medication made that clear. But suspecting and knowing were vastly different things.
'I could have been so much better,' Ritsuko realized.
Almost everything she had done back then was for selfish reasons or madness like the destruction of the Dummy Plug System. Even her attempt to kill Gendo Ikari during Third Impact had been born out of her own selfish anger and jealousy. She had never truly made up for what she had done. And she could have, Ayanami was proof of that. She could have done so much more.
"Have I actually even improved?" she wondered out loud, "Or am I the same selfish monster I was back then?"
/
"Do think this party is a good idea?" Shinji asked as he prepared a cup of coffee.
It just him and Asuka at the kitchen table. Ria was still in her room.
The birthday party had caught them off guard, particularly since it came from Rei. They had agreed to it at first expecting that it would only be them, Rei, Kyoko, Koda, and Mari. Then the RSVPs began coming in yesterday. Everyone they had expected had said yes, plus both of their younger selves were going to attend, as was Hikari, though it seemed Kodama was a very firm no still, and most surprisingly, Misato had also said yes.
"I don't know," Asuka admitted. "Ria's not doing horrible but I worry if she's too fragile right now."
Things were going somewhat better than Asuka had expected. Her daughter was recovering fairly well from what happened. Though she could barely look Shinji in the eyes most days and she was having trouble sleeping.
"Maybe we should wait until Ria's sees a therapist. See what she says about the idea," Asuka added.
Of course that would mean putting off the party until three days after her birthday at the earliest. Tracking down a psychologist with both the clearance they needed and a willingness to help someone who was more than human had been difficult. The woman they found had been attached to Bethany Base of all places before Third Impact.
"Yeah but…" Shinji was doubtful. "We could use a break from all this. It seems like every time we try to plan for vacation, something comes along and dashes it against the rocks. I think we're allowed at least few hours of fun."
"How much fun is it going to be with Misato there?" Asuka pointed out.
Misato's apology, while clearly heartfelt, had left them more confused than anything. Now she apologies? Now, after the damage has already been done? The mood in WILLE since the battle had been odd, most of the staff still clearly disliked Ria, but a few of the guards had come forward to apologize, not to her though, but to Asuka and Shinji. And it was clear they were only doing it because they had been friends with the guard Shamshel had killed.
"She's trying," Shinji pointed out. "Which is more than either of us expected."
"We're looking at a birthday party with three Angels, two Pilots and a woman who until a week ago was shouting about how much she wanted every Angel dead," Asuka pointed out.
"Things change," Shinji replied. "I guess we have to figure out how to change with it."
Asuka's phone rang, pulling her out of the conversation.
The caller ID displayed 'KIRISHIMA RESIDENCE' in big bold letters.
"Hello, Mari," Asuka greeted warmly.
"Hi... Miss Soryu," Mari sounded nervous, and still a bit tired. "So, quick question: Is Ria going to school today?"
"She said she was but I wouldn't call it a certainty," Asuka explained.
Personally she thought it was mistake, but Ria had claimed she needed the stability and familiarity. Asuka figured if anything went wrong she could just withdraw her and start preparing to enroll Ria in college come fall. That way she had months to recover from the horrors she had suffered with Arael.
"Okay. So, could I ask you to-" Mari paused mid-sentence. "Actually could I ask a favor? Would it be alright if I took Ria out on a date tomorrow?"
"You know she's not exactly in the best mental state right now?" Asuka replied.
Ria was doing extremely well all things considered, but Asuka knew what Arael was like. That monster had dug into her hard. What it did in moments could take years to heal.
"I know I know. I just want to give her an early birthday gift, take her mind off things, show her a good time," Mari explained.
"What sort of good time?" Asuka questioned, her voice growing icy.
Asuka actually liked the girl. She was kind but not spineless and was far more understanding than almost anyone she knew. And Asuka was fully aware that that night happened because she and Shinji had been hilariously careless. But that didn't mean she wasn't going to give them free reign.
"NothinglikethatIpromise!" Mari spat out nervously. "I just... I mean just some time on the town. Take out to eat, go to the bookstore, maybe take her to the botanical gardens, or that museum on Mount Hiei. And I'll have her home by a respectable time."
"By ten," Asuka corrected.
"Of course," Mari quickly conceded.
Asuka looked at Shinji, who simply nodded in approval.
"That sounds like a lovely evening. You have my approval. I'll bring it up to Ria if she decides not to attend school today."
"Thank you," Mari replied. Asuka could almost hear the bow on her end. "And if she's not up for it I completely get it."
"Well, I'll either see you tomorrow or at the party then," Asuka said.
"Actually speaking of the party. I noticed the invitation said bring a dish. But I was a bit confused, do we bring snacks or desserts or main courses?" Mari asked.
Asuka still wasn't sure why Rei had added that. Or had asked to host the party in the first place. But when it came to this Rei she just learned to roll with the surprises.
"I don't know, so assume it's just bring whatever you want," Asuka replied.
"Okay good!" Mari replied cheerfully. "I'm bringing tacos. Have a good day!"
She hung up the phone.
"Well that was nice of her," Shinji said. "I don't know many kids who would even bother asking the parents."
"True," Asuka said, suddenly feeling rather skeptical. "It was almost... too respectful."
Shinji looked at her in confusion. "What do you mean?"
"It's probably nothing," Asuka said as she took a sip of coffee. "Just make sure to check the credit cards afterwards."
