The knife is awkward in my hands, I can barely keep a grasp on it with even both hands. This body is clumsy and awkward, even walking can be a challenge at times.
It creep slowly, making sure each step barely makes a sound. The soft carpet makes this easy.
No, stop it.
He's sleeping on the couch tonight; they've had another of their fights. Odds are he'll be gone soon. He's been on the phone a lot with some people offering him a job away from here, away from me. They think I haven't heard the quiet conversations.
Part of me wonders if I should just wait for him to leave. That way he's out of my life without any risk on my part. But then the nightmares wouldn't stop if I just left him alone.
The nightmares...every night, I can see, I can hear, I can still feel him ripping me apart. I live my defeat over and over again every time I close my eyes.
I need peace of mind. I need the nightmares to end. I need justice.
I was young and scared!
No one will know. No one will know. That's what I keep telling myself. It just has to be him, my mother will be unharmed. I have no ill feelings towards her.
I'm close now, meters away from the couch.
He's snoring, one arm draped over the side.
Stop making me see this.
One step, followed by another step. My heart is pounding, I'm sweating quite a bit. My mind is filled with doubts. But I need to do this, I have to do this
No you didn't! You didn't have to do any of this!
I'm at his side. He's fast asleep. This will be over quickly. Once slice across the neck and the Third Child will be dead and I can finally sleep in peace.
I stopped myself, I stopped myself from going too far!
I raise the knife, it shakes in my hand. The damn thing is so unwieldy. I lower it slowly, it's almost touching his neck. So close, so very close...
The phone rings, piercing the quiet night.
In a panic I run away, my feet carrying me as fast as I can. I ditch the knife in the closet, hidden behind dusty storage bins.
No, that's not... No!
I retreat to my room, peering out carefully to watch my father wake slowly. It's only by the fourth ring that he's anywhere close to awake, mom manages to reach the phone before he does. Letting out a sleepy grunt of annoyance as she did.
The scene ends, I'm left kneeling on the concrete.
That wasn't right, I stopped myself. I stopped myself from going too far of my own free will. It wasn't the phone call! I knew I was making a mistake and stopped myself!
Didn't I?
I feel my body and soul fighting, two halves of me waging a war before being ripped apart.
"Liar!" a voice accuses.
I look up to see two people staring down at me. They're me, aspects of me at least.
One's wearing my school uniform while the other has on a black cloak, their face hidden behind the mask Leliel gifted me.
"You wouldn't have stopped willingly. The only reason you did is you knew you would get caught!" the human half accused.
She was right.
"And like a coward you never tried again!" my Angelic half roared.
"I got over it!" I shouted. "The nightmares stopped! I realized I was wrong!"
"You're a monster for trying. A human girl would have never done such a thing."
"And an Angel would have finished the job. So what even are you?"
"I am Ria Soryu!" I declare defiantly.
My angel side leers at me, pressing their mask against my face.
"That's who you are. I asked what you are."
"I am…I…" I can't answer. I don't have an answer. I don't know. I just don't know.
"A human would have told Misato the truth about Okito the day he first attacked," my human side chastises me.
"An Angel would have joined him or killed him!"
I struggle to find words. "I... He was my friend! He said it wasn't him! I... I believed him."
"No you didn't!"
"Yes I did!" I snap back. "I was an idiot for doing so but I honestly thought he was telling the truth. The situation was confused and the Pilots had just arrived. Anything seemed possible."
"Liar," my human side sneered. "You were scared of what would happen if you told. Because there was no way of telling them about Okito without also revealing what you were. And you couldn't have that could you?"
"They accepted me, they love me!" I shouted, trembling.
"Then why didn't you tell them about the Knife?" The Angel questioned.
Words fail me, doubt wracks my brain. Why did I hide it? Why did I ever consider doing it?
The two fade away into the shadows, replaced by a new figure.
"You were scared they would end up hating you, like I do," Kodama Suzuhara said acidly.
Ria stared at Kodama, who was glaring down at her with hateful eyes.
"Of course, it's not like you ever actually cared about me," she said scornfully. "Okito was your friend, I was just along for the ride."
"That's not true!" I say defiantly. "You're my friend! You've been my friend for years!"
She snorts dismissively. "Please, you've already replaced me with that Angel wearing my face."
Rage boils up inside of me.
"You turned your back on me!" I shout. "I was there for you but you abandoned me without even hesitating."
"Because you're a monster and you know it," Kodama sneered. "You didn't even warn me of Okito. He could have killed me you know, killed my entire family."
"But he didn't, did he?" a new voice calls out. "And don't act like you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were in her shoes."
I feel arms wrap around me, soft, reassuring, lifting me back on my feet.
I turn around and see Mari smiling at me.
Kodama looks afraid, as if she had not expected this.
"Ignore her," Mari assures me. "She isn't really there. None of this is real, remember?"
She's right, she's so right.
/
Rei grabbed the rifle, narrowly avoiding Ramiel's attack.
Shinji watched in horror as the Angels descended on Ria. Shamshel's whips carved chunks out of her sides. The other Angels watched on.
What was Arael doing to her, why wasn't she fighting back?
Asuka was dueling with Israfel, clashing as the Angel danced around.
They weren't trying to kill them. They were just toying with them, with him, with all of them.
Shinji was paralyzed. There were so many here! Angels he had struggled to survive against by themselves, Angels he had never fought, all working together. What could he do?
Another blast from Ramiel nearly hit Unit-00.
"It will not be possible to fire as long as Ramiel keeps targeting me," Ayanami said.
"Shinji!" Asuka's shout snapped Shinji back into Focus. "I'm a little busy here. You need to distract Ramiel!"
"Right!" Shinji replied.
Ramiel was already wounded, if they could get Zeruel, er, Ria, back up and fighting he was toast.
Unit-01 took off, crossbow in hand, firing shot after shot into Ramiel as he strafed around the giant Diamond.
The bolts found their mark, burying themselves inside of Ramiel. Fragments of Crystal falling to the ground as the wounds left jagged scars across his surface.
Armisael broke off and turned towards Unit-01, twisting through the air as it did.
Shinji turned to face it.
That's when he froze, utterly horrified. Part of the Angel had transformed...into a pale copy of Rei.
He grabbed at it, stopping the Angel from reaching him. Thick, distorted veins began to to appear along Unit-01's arms.
And his arms as well.
The Angel looked at him with pleading red eyes.
In the distance he heard Misato screaming at him to do something. What he could not be sure.
'Why do you have her face?! Why are you doing this?!' Shinji desperately wondered.
It took every ounce of strength to keep it from getting to Unit-01's head.
More veins appeared along his arms, thick, painful.
He could hear someone whispering in ears, whispering and giggling.
Then he saw it, something that pulled him away from Armisael, something that filled him with hope.
Zeruel slowly got back up, pushing herself up with her arms. The Angels swarmed her. A moment later, Sandalphon was kicked through the air, flying into a nearby building. The half-finished skyscraper collapsed on top of it, sending out a cloud of concrete and steel.
This was good. Whatever they were doing to her, Ria could endure it. She was beating them, She-
The light around Zeruel magnified to near blinding levels, halting her in place. Shamshel's whip coiled around one of her shoulders and threw her back down to the ground as Shamshel carved more and more chunks out of her.
Sub-Commander Soryu let out of a stream of curses over the radio as she sobbed openly.
Whatever Arael was doing, Asuka was terrified. This Angel had hurt her, as it was hurting Ria.
"Why do you fight? We don't want you dead. Surrender and no one will by hurt. Surrender and you can save her," a voice whispered in his head, smooth and warm like velvet.
He looked at the Angel again. It was still wearing Rei's face. Why was it wearing her face? What did it do to Rei all those years ago?
...This was the Angel that destroyed Unit-00 the first time. Misato said Rei had survived. But this Angel had hurt her.
The voice whispered, "Surrender and you will be spared. No, more than that, you will be a hero. The Pilot who ended a war."
"You hurt her..." Shinji whispered, his body shaking with rage. "You hurt my friends, you hurt my family!"
Shinji pulled a black sword out of Unit-01's left shoulder pylon.
"Oh."
Shinji screamed as he drove the blade into Armisael.
/
Mari vanished, dissolving into so much dust. I grabbed frantically for her, tried to pull her back up into the forefront of my mind. But nothing... I am alone.
Then Misato stands before me. A fearful expression on her face. Hatred rises in me like bile, I fight it. This is just Arael trying to get a rise out of me.
...Why is she so small?
She's standing in a Command Center, not the one she has now. The original one, the one she used at NERV.
This is the attack, my attack, Zeruel's attack.
She looks so small, so weak. I could just crush her right now.
"Are you ready for your first day of school, Ria?" Misato's voice was so sweet and kind.
"Uh-huh! Got my new shoes and everything!"
The memory hits me hard, happier times, far happier.
"Get out," her voice is now barely more than a hiss, filled with hatred and contempt.
"What is this?!" I shout, demanding answers. I didn't need a reminder of what Misato had done to me. She betrayed me, abandoned me, treated me like I was nothing more than trash.
I see Misato again, this time larger, larger than me. She's looked down at me with a pained expression on her face, but she smiles, trying to hide to hide her fear.
She kneels at my side.
"Your mother... she needs some time to rest," she explains carefully, "as does your dad. But they'll be back in no time, don't you worry. Until then you'll be staying with Grandma Misato! Doesn't that sound fun?"
I scream, wracked by rage... and regret, so much regret.
Now she has gun pointed at my face
"She will betray you!" she shouts at my parents.
Her voice changes. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't involve you in this. There are just so few people I trust these days."
"Why are you showing me this?!" I shout, half begging.
Misato looks older now, nearly as much older as she is now. She's sitting, a reassuring smile on her face.
"Look," she says, "there's always going to be idiots in the world. You can't let them stop you from being who you want to be. If you think this girl is pretty you should ask her out. She may reject you, but hey, you never know until you try. And there will be others."
"Shut up!" I roar.
She abandoned you.
She hates you.
She loved you.
She fears you.
She fears for you.
"Liar!" I shout. "She doesn't care for me at all!"
You despise her.
You want her dead
You fear her
You miss her
You want your grandmother back.
"SHUT UP!" I scream "SHUT UP, SHUT UP SHUT UP!"
I could feel my mind slipping, thoughts giving way to raw emotions.
Cowardice
Fear
Pride
Love
Hate
Regret
Insecurity
Death
Reason for existing
What am I?
Separation.
Rage
RAGE
RAGE
/
Iruel had proven largely true, shockingly enough. The way towards the other Leliel had proven clear, mostly. Mostly being the key word.
A few guards were patrolling near the cell door, armed and armored with surplus Russian and Chinese military equipment. They would have been trouble for any normal person. But for an Angel, even one like Matarael, they were barely more than a speed bump.
They died horrifically, screaming in agony as they melted. Dmitri felt sick at the sight, they were monsters working for a monster. But they didn't deserve that, no one did.
He melted the door down, noxious bubbles appear as the steel dissolved.
The jail was a rather large room, divided into four separate cells with a central corridor running through them.
The first two cells were empty, save for beds and a small bathroom.
Leliel was in the rear left one, strapped to a hospital bed, kept asleep by whatever was in her IV.
The rear right one contained a human prisoner, a battered man strapped to a wheelchair. He looked at Dmitri with an exhausted expression.
For a brief moment Dmitri considered grabbing him as well, but he lacked the time. And considering who it was, he wasn't entirely sure the man should be saved.
He turned his attention towards Leliel, thick armored glass stood between him and her. For most people it would have taken a bomb to get through, though like the door, Dimitri had a far simpler solution.
He spit at it.
The glass dissolved, collapsing in places.
An alarm began blaring. He didn't have a lot of time.
He quickly pulled the various tubes they had in Leliel and pulled her around his shoulders.
'Okay, we need to get to the train station,' he thought. 'Hopefully she'll be a awake by then. Convince her to come with me and then we'll head for Neo Kobe. Oh this is going to be hard to explain to mother.'
He dashed through the bunker, carrying the unconscious Leliel. It had taken a bit of scouting, but he had been able to find the place's entrance. In few moments he would be out of here and on his way to freedom.
...What was Sahaquiel doing here?
Dmitri paused. Sahaquiel was resting against the entrance door. Tossing something between her hands. Her strawberry blonde hair flowing to her back in loose ringlets. An amused expression appearing on her face the moment she saw him.
'Oh, this isn't good.'
"I do apologize for Iruel getting you involved in this, but, well, Iruel didn't have any other way of getting to the Other Leliel without making a whole lot of noise and well...we couldn't have Ramiel finding out about our plans too soon," she said calmly.
She paused, holding the object she had been fiddling with in her hand. It was a ring, some of her hair wrapped around it.
"What are you talking about?" Dimitri said nervously as he prepared to retreat.
"Goodbye, Matarael." She flicked the ring towards him. The hair around it beginning to glow brightly.
A split second later in detonated, hitting Dmitri square in the chest.
