Chapter 9 Part 2
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Shinji walked into Asuka's office, a defeated and distraught look upon his face. He slumped in a chair, staring at the ceiling.
"So… How did it go?" Asuka said. Her voice was joking in an attempt to soothe what was to come.
"Bad," Shinji replied.
"How bad?"
"Very bad," he sighed.
Well admittedly she had expected that. Learning your future self was part of the reason the world was so screwed up, even if there were some incredible mitigating factors, would be hard for anyone to take, let alone someone as fragile as the younger Shinji.
Asuka looked at the clock. "How long did you talk with him? That meeting let out less than thirty minutes ago."
"Admittedly, I screwed up." Shinji looked like he wanted to punch something. "I was trying to explain where I was emotionally beforehand. But I realized that meant explaining everything going on with Rei. Toji being crippled by Unit-01, how everyone had left by that point. The sexual advances Misato made towards me because of Rei and Kaji's death. The kiss she gave me at the end that I thought for sure would be the last time I would see her. The fact that the last Angel was for a time the only friend I had, to the point where I developed some incredibly confused feelings about him. And then I had to kill him, horrifically. And that would only scratch the surface of the problems I had going into Third Impact."
"Wait, Misato tried to have sex with you?" Asuka said as she tried desperately to force the image from her mind.
"Yeah, she apologized for that quite some time ago. We both just try to pretend it didn't happen," Shinji explained.
"So you were concerned that explaining why it happened would screw him up more than actually telling him what happened. And you ended up telling him not enough of the 'why'?" Asuka asked.
Shinji nodded. "Pretty much. I only explained Kaworu, what happened with your final fight and that I had been through far more than I can handle leading up to the fight. I thought it would be enough. Boy, was I wrong. He called me a coward and a monster. He said he would have rather died than do what I did. He asked how I could stand to live with myself living such a lie when all those people out there treated us like some sort of god. I tried to explain but he wasn't exactly in the mood to listen. Then he stormed off and told me never to speak to him again."
Asuka was stunned. "That's shockingly harsh coming from him."
No one was harder on Shinji Ikari than Shinji Ikari.
To Asuka's surprise, he didn't seem that torn up about it. Upset for sure, but far from devastated like she'd feared.
Shinji seemed to catch what she was thinking.
"I don't think he would have been okay with it even if I told him the full truth. And I don't pretend I'm not feeling incredibly guilty about what happened right now, but as I was talking to him, thinking of how screwed up things had become, the more I realized you were right; I didn't have control there."
Finally, Asuka thought.
"So do you feel better?" she asked.
He shook his head. "No, I just don't think I feel any worse than when I told you. Which was pretty good."
"Well I think that counts as progress," she said, managing a small smile.
Shinji remained grim. "Yeah, though I'm pretty sure the pilots hate me now, so that's...something."
/
"Hey Ria, it's Misato. Would you mind coming in?" Misato said, holding the phone in one hand as she pored over the notes for the new weapons.
"Sure. Kodama doesn't actually want to do anything," Ria replied, her voice sounding confused. "May I ask why?"
"Someone overheard the Shinji's shouting at each other in the hallway, so something bad probably happened. I'm busy right now and the younger two seem to get along with you. So I figured you could talk to them, if they need someone to talk to."
"I'm guessing dad told Shinji…" She sighed deeply. "Yeah I'll be there."
"Hey, since I have you on the phone... can I talk to you about something else? It's a bit personal."
Misato knew she was an idiot for even bringing this up. And at the same time, she would be a bigger idiot for not even addressing the issue.
"Sure, sure. What do want to talk about?" Ria asked.
"You know I've never judged you on your personal life. But considering the situation, the threats we face... You might want to put things with Mari on hold, maybe even consider finding a girl who came out of Instrumentality. You know, someone your age, but who was born before Third impact. Someone you know can't be another...well, you know."
There was a long pause on the other end. The silence filled Misato will greater dread.
"She's not an Angel," Ria insisted. Her tone was firm, but not angry or upset.
"You don't know that," Misato replied. "I don't want to see you hurt again."
Ria sighed. "We're never going to escape Okito are we?"
They wouldn't. What pissed Misato off more than everything, save for how close it had gotten to Shinji and Asuka, was that it tricked her. She knew it for years, not well but she'd been to it's birthday parties and such. And she had been completely fooled, an Angel had tricked her, again.
"Look, Misato," Ria said evenly, "I understand where you're coming from. Believe me, I want Okito dead as much as you. But I can't push away people I care about. I hope you understand."
"I do," Misato admitted, "and I'm sorry, I shouldn't involve you in this. There are just so few people I trust these days. I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, talk to you later."
Misato hung up the phone.
"Really, over the phone?" a voice chastised her.
Misato about fell over in shock.
She turned to see Major Kirishima standing behind her, somehow having snuck up on her without Misato ever hearing her walk up.
"It's nothing personal against your daughter," Misato explained defensively.
Mana shrugged it off. "I tried to give the same speech to Mari last night about Ria. So I don't really fault you there."
Part of Misato was irked by her considering that Ria might be an Angel but she ignored it.
Mana went on. "Anyways, I thought you should know. The Army has officially begun construction on a new T-RIDEN-T, they've also started screening prospective pilots. They want me to train my replacement, and of course I'm their first choice for backup should they be unable to find a new pilot qualified enough for the job, yay."
Her voice was as thick as jelly with sarcasm.
"That's awfully quick," Misato noted. Even something like the T-RIDEN-T wasn't an easy undertaking. Them starting so quickly was troubling.
"The government never actually decommissioned the facility used for of construction the first models. And from what I gather there are a few people in the General Staff who never quite stopped tinkering with the idea," Mana explained.
"That's awfully honest of you, Major," Misato replied.
"General, I lost a friend to this project, and you're the only group with people who have actually won against the Angels. The Prime Minister can play his games. I just want to make sure my daughter and I are alive when this is all over."
The was deep, bitter pain behind her words.
"I can respect that," Misato said.
/
Asuka was furious.
No that wasn't right. 'Furious' was too small, too weak to capture the emotions she was feeling right now.
It wasn't that she had issues with their relationship... Actually no, that was a lie. A dirty, dirty lie. One of the worst lies she had told herself in quite some time.
The idea of her other self and the older Shinji dating was disgusting, abhorrent, and just plain weird. Sure, something good had come out of their unfortunate first relationship. But they were old, not quite Misato-old but still, they had reached an age where a woman should have certain standards. She could be doing so much better.
Probably, the men of this time had been less than appealing. If only Kaji were here.
Though Kaji would be rather old by this point, to be fair.
Whatever her feelings about the actual relationship, of which she had many, that wasn't the main issue at hand here. What really bugged her, what really was grinding at her gears, was how she found out.
Through a text message?! Her older self was such an Arschgeige that she told her she was restarting her relationship with Shinji through a text message on her phone?!
Who did that? What kind of person would send such an impersonal, informal, and unprofessional message about something that big? Sub-Commander Asuka Langley Soryu, that's who.
Was she too scared to tell her directly? Too lazy? Too apathetic?
Whatever, Asuka huffed, It didn't really matter. She can keep her sad sack boyfriend. It doesn't bug me one bit!
Shinji, the Shinji she came here with, burst into the room. Asuka prepared a snarky comment to inform him of this... thing.
Then she froze at the sight of his face.
It was singularly disturbing. Asuka had never seen him look like that before and hoped she never would again.
He was angry, angry on level that seemed physically unhealthy. His face was flushed and red, sweat pouring down his cheeks on his collar.
He was also crying, hard and ugly, tiny rivers flowing down his cheeks.
"Are you okay?" Asuka asked, lacking anything else to say.
"It's all his fault!!" Shinji screamed.
"Ehh?" she questioned.
"Third impact, Instrumentality! The reason why millions and millions are in the freaking ocean, the reason everything is so screwed up! He..I..Shi...IKARI caused all of it!" he declared.
Asuka stared at him, hearing the words but her mind not quite processing them. That didn't sound possible, that didn't even make sense.
He stood in corner, halfway between bawling and screaming.
Asuka raised her hands. "Okay, explain. Why would you say he did that, how could he have done it?"
He had just been a boy. SEELE sounded like a vastly powerful organization with the means to do just about anything. How would Shinji be able to do it?"
"Lilith contacted him or something and he told her 'Nobody cares whether I live or die. Nothing will change, so they can all just die.' And she did exactly that. He says he regretted it immediately, he went on and on about terrible he was emotionally but how can anything...how can anyone justify that?!" he asked.
Well that was...that was a lot to take in. Asuka wasn't sure what to make it. What she heard of Third Impact was horrible, not quite as bad as Second Impact was in the long term but still terrible. They were lucky to be living in Japan. A lot of the world wasn't so well off these days. Millions had died directly and indirectly because of Third Impact. The idea that Shinji of all people could have caused it was almost too much to believe.
"And they lie about to the world! And he lets them! He lets them ignore the atrocity he committed, he let's all those insane people worship him as some sort of god! He ruined the world and...he just somehow moved on with his life! How could he just move on...How could I..I ever become that?!" He spat the last word.
Shinji about collapsed, overcome with despair.
Asuka grabbed him, hugging him tightly from behind.
Shinji's breath caught in surprise. His sniffing stopped and his shaking ended.
"It wasn't you," she assured him. "It isn't your fault."
She would kill him if he ever told anyone about this moment. But she had made a promise, they would be there for each other. And he needed her more now than ever.
/
Asuka slammed open the door to Soryu's office some ten minutes later.
"Hey, only two minutes later than I expected," her older self remarked casually.
She ignored her and stared angrily at the older Ikari.
"Why?!" she demanded simply.
"I can explain…" Shinji began.
"Of course you can explain, idiot," she snapped. "You're not dead and you're not insane so clearly there's a few steps between 'I was feeling pretty down that day' and 'So I decided to end the world' that Shinji missed out on!"
"Oh." He was stunned. "I mean, you're right."
"Of course I'm right," she sneered. "That's besides the point. Why on Earth did you tell him, Du Dummkopf ? He doesn't need that hanging over his head!"
"I was just trying to make sure he didn't end up like me."
"Well, congratulations," she said, her voice full of mockery. "No chance of that happening now! He hates you and is absolutely terrified of ever becoming anything like you."
Shinji didn't know what to say.
Asuka glared at her older self, letting out an annoyed grunt before storming out of the room.
/
The sun was low over Kyoto. The baking heat finally started to ease off slightly.
The city of course was far too big and important for sundown to slow down anything of note. Traffic was congested from the new National Diet Building to the southern ward of Yamashina-ku. Construction snarled traffic near WILLE, grinding it to a painful halt. The evening streets were packed with shoppers, school children coming home from school, businessmen traveling to bars and restaurants to unwind from a day that had begun long ago. This was in all respects, turning out to be a fairly normal day, a rarity in these uncertain times.
It was into this calm a glowing orb of orange energy appeared, hovering just above street level.
Unlike last time, everyone knew what this meant. They had seen the first attack and footage of Seoul. They ran screaming.
Out of the chaotic orb a shape emerged. A giant... an Angel.
It's lilac-colored body was long and glistened in the dying light, more eel- than snake-like. It's pink, dagger like head shielded it's massive Core from anything above it. Two thin, glowing energy-tentacles erupted out of it's small, angular limbs. They lashed out wildly at the buildings below, quickly slicing them into so much rubble.
The Fourth Angel, Shamshel, turned towards the glass pyramid of WILLE. It's Core directly facing the building. It raised a limb high in the air, and then smashed one of its tentacles into the ground before it. Craving through road and building alike.
This was more than just an attack, this was a challenge.
"So… How did it go?" Asuka said. Her voice was joking in an attempt to soothe what was to come.
"Bad," Shinji replied.
"How bad?"
"Very bad," he sighed.
Well admittedly she had expected that. Learning your future self was part of the reason the world was so screwed up, even if there were some incredible mitigating factors, would be hard for anyone to take, let alone someone as fragile as the younger Shinji.
Asuka looked at the clock. "How long did you talk with him? That meeting let out less than thirty minutes ago."
"Admittedly, I screwed up." Shinji looked like he wanted to punch something. "I was trying to explain where I was emotionally beforehand. But I realized that meant explaining everything going on with Rei. Toji being crippled by Unit-01, how everyone had left by that point. The sexual advances Misato made towards me because of Rei and Kaji's death. The kiss she gave me at the end that I thought for sure would be the last time I would see her. The fact that the last Angel was for a time the only friend I had, to the point where I developed some incredibly confused feelings about him. And then I had to kill him, horrifically. And that would only scratch the surface of the problems I had going into Third Impact."
"Wait, Misato tried to have sex with you?" Asuka said as she tried desperately to force the image from her mind.
"Yeah, she apologized for that quite some time ago. We both just try to pretend it didn't happen," Shinji explained.
"So you were concerned that explaining why it happened would screw him up more than actually telling him what happened. And you ended up telling him not enough of the 'why'?" Asuka asked.
Shinji nodded. "Pretty much. I only explained Kaworu, what happened with your final fight and that I had been through far more than I can handle leading up to the fight. I thought it would be enough. Boy, was I wrong. He called me a coward and a monster. He said he would have rather died than do what I did. He asked how I could stand to live with myself living such a lie when all those people out there treated us like some sort of god. I tried to explain but he wasn't exactly in the mood to listen. Then he stormed off and told me never to speak to him again."
Asuka was stunned. "That's shockingly harsh coming from him."
No one was harder on Shinji Ikari than Shinji Ikari.
To Asuka's surprise, he didn't seem that torn up about it. Upset for sure, but far from devastated like she'd feared.
Shinji seemed to catch what she was thinking.
"I don't think he would have been okay with it even if I told him the full truth. And I don't pretend I'm not feeling incredibly guilty about what happened right now, but as I was talking to him, thinking of how screwed up things had become, the more I realized you were right; I didn't have control there."
Finally, Asuka thought.
"So do you feel better?" she asked.
He shook his head. "No, I just don't think I feel any worse than when I told you. Which was pretty good."
"Well I think that counts as progress," she said, managing a small smile.
Shinji remained grim. "Yeah, though I'm pretty sure the pilots hate me now, so that's...something."
/
"Hey Ria, it's Misato. Would you mind coming in?" Misato said, holding the phone in one hand as she pored over the notes for the new weapons.
"Sure. Kodama doesn't actually want to do anything," Ria replied, her voice sounding confused. "May I ask why?"
"Someone overheard the Shinji's shouting at each other in the hallway, so something bad probably happened. I'm busy right now and the younger two seem to get along with you. So I figured you could talk to them, if they need someone to talk to."
"I'm guessing dad told Shinji…" She sighed deeply. "Yeah I'll be there."
"Hey, since I have you on the phone... can I talk to you about something else? It's a bit personal."
Misato knew she was an idiot for even bringing this up. And at the same time, she would be a bigger idiot for not even addressing the issue.
"Sure, sure. What do want to talk about?" Ria asked.
"You know I've never judged you on your personal life. But considering the situation, the threats we face... You might want to put things with Mari on hold, maybe even consider finding a girl who came out of Instrumentality. You know, someone your age, but who was born before Third impact. Someone you know can't be another...well, you know."
There was a long pause on the other end. The silence filled Misato will greater dread.
"She's not an Angel," Ria insisted. Her tone was firm, but not angry or upset.
"You don't know that," Misato replied. "I don't want to see you hurt again."
Ria sighed. "We're never going to escape Okito are we?"
They wouldn't. What pissed Misato off more than everything, save for how close it had gotten to Shinji and Asuka, was that it tricked her. She knew it for years, not well but she'd been to it's birthday parties and such. And she had been completely fooled, an Angel had tricked her, again.
"Look, Misato," Ria said evenly, "I understand where you're coming from. Believe me, I want Okito dead as much as you. But I can't push away people I care about. I hope you understand."
"I do," Misato admitted, "and I'm sorry, I shouldn't involve you in this. There are just so few people I trust these days. I'll talk to you later."
"Yeah, talk to you later."
Misato hung up the phone.
"Really, over the phone?" a voice chastised her.
Misato about fell over in shock.
She turned to see Major Kirishima standing behind her, somehow having snuck up on her without Misato ever hearing her walk up.
"It's nothing personal against your daughter," Misato explained defensively.
Mana shrugged it off. "I tried to give the same speech to Mari last night about Ria. So I don't really fault you there."
Part of Misato was irked by her considering that Ria might be an Angel but she ignored it.
Mana went on. "Anyways, I thought you should know. The Army has officially begun construction on a new T-RIDEN-T, they've also started screening prospective pilots. They want me to train my replacement, and of course I'm their first choice for backup should they be unable to find a new pilot qualified enough for the job, yay."
Her voice was as thick as jelly with sarcasm.
"That's awfully quick," Misato noted. Even something like the T-RIDEN-T wasn't an easy undertaking. Them starting so quickly was troubling.
"The government never actually decommissioned the facility used for of construction the first models. And from what I gather there are a few people in the General Staff who never quite stopped tinkering with the idea," Mana explained.
"That's awfully honest of you, Major," Misato replied.
"General, I lost a friend to this project, and you're the only group with people who have actually won against the Angels. The Prime Minister can play his games. I just want to make sure my daughter and I are alive when this is all over."
The was deep, bitter pain behind her words.
"I can respect that," Misato said.
/
Asuka was furious.
No that wasn't right. 'Furious' was too small, too weak to capture the emotions she was feeling right now.
It wasn't that she had issues with their relationship... Actually no, that was a lie. A dirty, dirty lie. One of the worst lies she had told herself in quite some time.
The idea of her other self and the older Shinji dating was disgusting, abhorrent, and just plain weird. Sure, something good had come out of their unfortunate first relationship. But they were old, not quite Misato-old but still, they had reached an age where a woman should have certain standards. She could be doing so much better.
Probably, the men of this time had been less than appealing. If only Kaji were here.
Though Kaji would be rather old by this point, to be fair.
Whatever her feelings about the actual relationship, of which she had many, that wasn't the main issue at hand here. What really bugged her, what really was grinding at her gears, was how she found out.
Through a text message?! Her older self was such an Arschgeige that she told her she was restarting her relationship with Shinji through a text message on her phone?!
Who did that? What kind of person would send such an impersonal, informal, and unprofessional message about something that big? Sub-Commander Asuka Langley Soryu, that's who.
Was she too scared to tell her directly? Too lazy? Too apathetic?
Whatever, Asuka huffed, It didn't really matter. She can keep her sad sack boyfriend. It doesn't bug me one bit!
Shinji, the Shinji she came here with, burst into the room. Asuka prepared a snarky comment to inform him of this... thing.
Then she froze at the sight of his face.
It was singularly disturbing. Asuka had never seen him look like that before and hoped she never would again.
He was angry, angry on level that seemed physically unhealthy. His face was flushed and red, sweat pouring down his cheeks on his collar.
He was also crying, hard and ugly, tiny rivers flowing down his cheeks.
"Are you okay?" Asuka asked, lacking anything else to say.
"It's all his fault!!" Shinji screamed.
"Ehh?" she questioned.
"Third impact, Instrumentality! The reason why millions and millions are in the freaking ocean, the reason everything is so screwed up! He..I..Shi...IKARI caused all of it!" he declared.
Asuka stared at him, hearing the words but her mind not quite processing them. That didn't sound possible, that didn't even make sense.
He stood in corner, halfway between bawling and screaming.
Asuka raised her hands. "Okay, explain. Why would you say he did that, how could he have done it?"
He had just been a boy. SEELE sounded like a vastly powerful organization with the means to do just about anything. How would Shinji be able to do it?"
"Lilith contacted him or something and he told her 'Nobody cares whether I live or die. Nothing will change, so they can all just die.' And she did exactly that. He says he regretted it immediately, he went on and on about terrible he was emotionally but how can anything...how can anyone justify that?!" he asked.
Well that was...that was a lot to take in. Asuka wasn't sure what to make it. What she heard of Third Impact was horrible, not quite as bad as Second Impact was in the long term but still terrible. They were lucky to be living in Japan. A lot of the world wasn't so well off these days. Millions had died directly and indirectly because of Third Impact. The idea that Shinji of all people could have caused it was almost too much to believe.
"And they lie about to the world! And he lets them! He lets them ignore the atrocity he committed, he let's all those insane people worship him as some sort of god! He ruined the world and...he just somehow moved on with his life! How could he just move on...How could I..I ever become that?!" He spat the last word.
Shinji about collapsed, overcome with despair.
Asuka grabbed him, hugging him tightly from behind.
Shinji's breath caught in surprise. His sniffing stopped and his shaking ended.
"It wasn't you," she assured him. "It isn't your fault."
She would kill him if he ever told anyone about this moment. But she had made a promise, they would be there for each other. And he needed her more now than ever.
/
Asuka slammed open the door to Soryu's office some ten minutes later.
"Hey, only two minutes later than I expected," her older self remarked casually.
She ignored her and stared angrily at the older Ikari.
"Why?!" she demanded simply.
"I can explain…" Shinji began.
"Of course you can explain, idiot," she snapped. "You're not dead and you're not insane so clearly there's a few steps between 'I was feeling pretty down that day' and 'So I decided to end the world' that Shinji missed out on!"
"Oh." He was stunned. "I mean, you're right."
"Of course I'm right," she sneered. "That's besides the point. Why on Earth did you tell him, Du Dummkopf ? He doesn't need that hanging over his head!"
"I was just trying to make sure he didn't end up like me."
"Well, congratulations," she said, her voice full of mockery. "No chance of that happening now! He hates you and is absolutely terrified of ever becoming anything like you."
Shinji didn't know what to say.
Asuka glared at her older self, letting out an annoyed grunt before storming out of the room.
/
The sun was low over Kyoto. The baking heat finally started to ease off slightly.
The city of course was far too big and important for sundown to slow down anything of note. Traffic was congested from the new National Diet Building to the southern ward of Yamashina-ku. Construction snarled traffic near WILLE, grinding it to a painful halt. The evening streets were packed with shoppers, school children coming home from school, businessmen traveling to bars and restaurants to unwind from a day that had begun long ago. This was in all respects, turning out to be a fairly normal day, a rarity in these uncertain times.
It was into this calm a glowing orb of orange energy appeared, hovering just above street level.
Unlike last time, everyone knew what this meant. They had seen the first attack and footage of Seoul. They ran screaming.
Out of the chaotic orb a shape emerged. A giant... an Angel.
It's lilac-colored body was long and glistened in the dying light, more eel- than snake-like. It's pink, dagger like head shielded it's massive Core from anything above it. Two thin, glowing energy-tentacles erupted out of it's small, angular limbs. They lashed out wildly at the buildings below, quickly slicing them into so much rubble.
The Fourth Angel, Shamshel, turned towards the glass pyramid of WILLE. It's Core directly facing the building. It raised a limb high in the air, and then smashed one of its tentacles into the ground before it. Craving through road and building alike.
This was more than just an attack, this was a challenge.
