The feeling of working so hard, and getting zero attention or connection. Just striving fruitlessly. I went on a date recently, with a girl that was pushy to see what I was seeing on Tinder when scrolling. And flicked over to my matches to see that I had one match, her. And then she showed me hers, and she had over a thousand matches. When not even trying with either her profile or pictures. I feel like Ken competing with all the other Kens. How am I supposed to connect with anybody, when they have a thousand other guys in their pocket they can mentally compare me against?
You can't, but you don't have to.
You aren't looking for just anyone; you're seeking someone you can genuinely enjoy being around and who feels the same about you. If they tune out when you share your interests, perhaps it indicates that the relationship wouldn't have been fruitful in the first place, thereby saving you time. Here's an underemphasized point: Dating sites might not be the best places to find genuine connections. From my personal experience, online matches rarely evolved into meaningful relationships. It often feels like these platforms are frequented by individuals who struggle to find relationships in their everyday lives. While you might feel like you're competing with all the other Kens on a dating app, you're also competing for attention from individuals who might not have found a partner within their existing circles. That's not to say online dating can't be successful, but it can be hit or miss.
Instead, immerse yourself in social groups. Engage with people who share your passions. For instance, my wife and I connected on an Umineko Fan Forum, and we maintained that connection for several years before things turned romantic. Many couples I know found each other through mutual friends or shared activities. This networking doesn't have to be limited to offline endeavors. Participate in online communities and express your availability and interests. For example, highlight on your SV profile that you're single and interested in meeting someone who also appreciates this platform. That way, anyone you might connect with here will at least share your unique passions, whether it's quests, sci-fi, or even peculiar political debates.
Implement this strategy on various platforms and in real life. Consider joining or even initiating a local nerd group. People gravitate towards those who exude happiness and passion. It's always more engaging to interact with someone genuinely enjoying themselves. So, find your tribe, relish the experience, and you might just find a partner along the way. And remember, while the end goal might be to find a significant other, the journey of socialization is beneficial in itself.
Lastly, while sharing your passions, remember that sometimes silent listeners are the most engaged. They might be genuinely engrossed in your enthusiasm. Many people enjoy conversations with passionate individuals, even if they don't necessarily share the same interests. If you're pouring out your excitement and the other person remains silent, invite them to ask questions, ensuring they feel included in the discourse.
Good Luck! I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
You can't, but you don't have to.
You aren't looking for anyone, you're looking for someone you can enjoy being around, and one that enjoys being around you. If they are tuning out when you share your interests consider that means that it wouldn't work in the first place and that it is saving you time. Also a hidden secret: Dating sites are not good places to find matches. Out of all my dating, the people I met online didn't really work out, because it's for people that can't, or aren't finding relationships in their normal lives. You might consider yourself competing with all the other Ken's on a dating app, and maybe you are, but you're also competing for people that couldn't find anyone to date in their social groups. I'm not saying it can't ever work, but it's less reliable.
Instead, you have to get out and join social groups. You have to get to know people that share your interests. My wife and I met on an Umineko Fan Forum, and stayed in touch for several years before we started dating. Most couples I know met each other through their friends and social groups. This doesn't need to be offline either. You can join groups online and put yourself out there. Consider noting that you're single and looking for someone that also enjoys this site in your signature and profile here on SV. At least anyone you meet here will share your random love of quests, scifi, and maybe weird political arguments.
Do this for other websites. Do this in real life. Find a local nerd group, or if one doesn't exist, start one up! People are attracted to those that are happy and excited. It's more fun to be around someone who is enjoying themselves than one that isn't, so being in such a group and enjoying yourself will put you in the best light. And don't just do it to find a partner, do it because you're right, socialization is good for you.
A note, sometimes when you're excited and sharing, the other person is quite because their enjoying listening to your enthusiasm. Everyone I know talks with people that they don't share interests with, but can be carried along with their enthusiasm. If you are sharing your excitement with someone and they aren't saying anything, try inviting questions so they have a chance to speak as well.
Good Luck! I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
You aren't looking for anyone, you're looking for someone you can enjoy being around, and one that enjoys being around you. If they are tuning out when you share your interests consider that means that it wouldn't work in the first place and that it is saving you time. Also a hidden secret: Dating sites are not good places to find matches. Out of all my dating, the people I met online didn't really work out, because it's for people that can't, or aren't finding relationships in their normal lives. You might consider yourself competing with all the other Ken's on a dating app, and maybe you are, but you're also competing for people that couldn't find anyone to date in their social groups. I'm not saying it can't ever work, but it's less reliable.
Instead, you have to get out and join social groups. You have to get to know people that share your interests. My wife and I met on an Umineko Fan Forum, and stayed in touch for several years before we started dating. Most couples I know met each other through their friends and social groups. This doesn't need to be offline either. You can join groups online and put yourself out there. Consider noting that you're single and looking for someone that also enjoys this site in your signature and profile here on SV. At least anyone you meet here will share your random love of quests, scifi, and maybe weird political arguments.
Do this for other websites. Do this in real life. Find a local nerd group, or if one doesn't exist, start one up! People are attracted to those that are happy and excited. It's more fun to be around someone who is enjoying themselves than one that isn't, so being in such a group and enjoying yourself will put you in the best light. And don't just do it to find a partner, do it because you're right, socialization is good for you.
A note, sometimes when you're excited and sharing, the other person is quite because their enjoying listening to your enthusiasm. Everyone I know talks with people that they don't share interests with, but can be carried along with their enthusiasm. If you are sharing your excitement with someone and they aren't saying anything, try inviting questions so they have a chance to speak as well.
Good Luck! I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
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