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Athene....reads Rough and Ready (Viking Time Travel)

I don't get the cop-out of a few furs and a pair of horns. Look at their spiritual successors, goddam Wild West pirate berserkers! Look at the Germanic legal and political tradition, centuries of tribal elders muttering to each other before a lawsuit is decided, knowledge of all the arbitrary "laws" practically the initiation to a cult, and worst of all mob rule by parasites! It practically begs for BLAST HARDCHEESE but somehow people find a lower bar :V
 
"We need men!" shouted Britta the Big, chief archer of The Sanctuary and head of its guard.
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This is literally how the next chapter starts. A woman named Britta the Big yelling "We need men!"

Truth to tell, they had only ten axes, one broadsword, which hardly anyone could lift, fifteen shepherd's crooks converted into lances, long-handled cooking ladles, pokers, wooden clubs, slingshots, and bows and arrows. Every woman practiced weaponry regularly, in case of an attack, under Britta's supervision.
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"Dangerous Weapons, Ladles. Especially in the hands of a sister" /Obscure Joke

Britta's chant was taken up by the sixty other women in the inner courtyard of The Sanctuary. "We need men! We need men!"

Hilda flung her hands out with disbelief. "Truly, Britta? Must needs we cower under a man's shield for protection?" Britta, who was as tall as a man, with wide shoulders and muscled arms, stiffened. "Nay, not for our defenses."
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Have you considered Lesbianism madam? Its quite fun!

*hands out pamphlets*

Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, they need sexing.

Hilda arched her eyebrows. "Is the springtime sap rising in you women? You may not have dangly parts, but have you become lustsome, like nature's animals . . . the ram, the bull, the rooster, and . . . and men? By Odin! That is it, is it not?"
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Oh no, women have needs?!

The book describes Hilda as a "Dark Ages Feminist", and I don't think it means anything good by that.
"You say us wrong, milady," Inge said. "We need them for the breeding only. Not for a lifetime." H
ilda laughed. "You expect to bring men here for the mating and then dismiss them when they are no longer useful?"
"Men do it all the time," one voice shouted.
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"Ho ho ho, I am truly on top of things with my witty satire" - The Author

Danger! Get your weapons! Come quickly!" one of Britta's sentries yelled, running up the motte, lance in hand. "A longship has wrecked, and there are men." Instantly, the community of women gathered weapons. Their demeanor bespoke a mixture of shock and exhilaration.
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Oh god no, this is turning into Futurama isn't it?!



"Are any of them comely? Not that it matters. In the dark, all manparts look the same."
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Hilda arched her eyebrows. "Is the springtime sap rising in you women? You may not have dangly parts, but have you become lustsome, like nature's animals . . . the ram, the bull, the rooster, and . . . and men? By Odin! That is it, is it not?"
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"Are any of them comely? Not that it matters. In the dark, all manparts look the same."
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I think someone needs to clue the author in that there's a difference between "old-timey and poetical" and "fucking stupid" for future dialogue writing efforts.
 
Look at how hilariously bad the photoshop jobs on those covers are. I- I kinda want to read one of them, if only out of morbid curiosity.
 
Athene said:
This is literally how the next chapter starts. A woman named Britta the Big yelling "We need men!"




"Dangerous Weapons, Ladles. Especially in the hands of a sister" /Obscure Joke


Have you considered Lesbianism madam? Its quite fun!

*hands out pamphlets*

Anyway, yadda yadda yadda, they need sexing.


Oh no, women have needs?!

The book describes Hilda as a "Dark Ages Feminist", and I don't think it means anything good by that.

"Ho ho ho, I am truly on top of things with my witty satire" - The Author


Oh god no, this is turning into Futurama isn't it?!




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THEY ARE NOT SHIELD MAIDENS, THEY'RE DRESSED UPPED AMAZONS



Now THIS, Is a Mothafucking Shield Maiden
 
Athene said:
"Dangerous Weapons, Ladles. Especially in the hands of a sister" /Obscure Joke
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Rana Sanga and Belisarius talking at the siege of [Indian Placename that I can't remember] when discussing the imminent danger of being around ten miles or so beyond the slightest hint of peril, right?


*wanders off to see if he can find smut-fic in that continuity*
 
SteelRaptor said:
THEY ARE NOT SHIELD MAIDENS, THEY'RE DRESSED UPPED AMAZONS
*snip*
Now THIS, Is a Mothafucking Shield Maiden
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Where is her helmet? The maille...vest(?1​) she is wearing is really much too light, the density of rings is shockingly poor and it is not helped any by the application of random leather strips. Her clothing is extremely thin. She ought to be wearing at least a thick garment but preferably a padded or quilted defense, if not as armor then at least to protect from the weather. The less said about the bizarre jean-skirt thing the better.

The sword has an extremely acharacteristic crossguard and hilt construction for weapon of the scandinavian style.

1 Seriously, what the fuck is that?
 
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