- Location
- Singapore
Spiderverse?
Artemis Fowl: The Movie
- Thread starter CornyBones
- Start date
- Discussion
Harry Leferts
Suave Shadow Cabal Kaiju
The new animated Spiderman movie.
Into the Spiderverse
It's doing good rounds, and has received pretty much universal praise.
It's doing good rounds, and has received pretty much universal praise.
Lord Chungus
God of Nutella
- Location
- The Hague (it’s where all the cool people are)
Eeeeegggh. Just, eeeeeugh. I watched the trailer a while back, and the only thing I took away from it was that Disney isn't going to make Artemis Foul.
They're going to make Spy Kids with fairies.
Which sucks, cause I love the books, and everything about this movie makes it look like it will be a total flop.
They're going to make Spy Kids with fairies.
Which sucks, cause I love the books, and everything about this movie makes it look like it will be a total flop.
To be fair, Spy Kids isn't bad.
It's dumb, yes, but it's dumb in an enjoyable way.
serra2
Himouto! Sylvanas-chan
Disney announces dates for new Star Wars movies, MCU Phase 4, and more
Kicked back nearly a year.
Article: ARTEMIS FOWL GETS A RELEASE DATE SHIFT
The highly anticipated YA adaptation from director Kenneth Branagh won't hit theaters in 2019 as expected. After sitting in an August slot for more than a year, Disney has kicked the movie to May 29, 2020.
Kicked back nearly a year.
I anticipate it.
Im not hopeful, but Sonic has taught us the bar could me much lower.
Im not hopeful, but Sonic has taught us the bar could me much lower.
- Location
- Texas, US
- Location
- Maryland
My reaction when I saw that this thread had updated was "Wait, did this come out?"
- Location
- Cardassia Prime
I never read the books and only have a superficial understanding of the characters and plot...which is clearly far more then Disney did. Though them releasing this a whole year later, in between Black Widow, Fast 9 and WW84 makes it likely they understand this is gonna flop and migitating the damage.
Mizu
Software Developer
- Location
- Victoria, Australia
Well, this trailer is odd. Artemis knew his family was a bunch of thieves from childhood, it wasn't sprung on him as some great mystery, and as for melee fighting like that Kendo spar with his dad... yeah, he was never good at that. Butler handled roughing people up. Artemis Sr. also never knew of the fairies, nor did anyone need to 'keep mankind safe' from them - if anything it was the other way around due to us outnumbering them so much. Fairies moved underground to escape us, after all.
I... also feel Butler is a bit too short? He should be a man mountain, but he's not much bigger than Mulch. Who last I checked shouldn't be the size of an adult human regardless - fairies tend to be small, iirc. Also noting that Holly is visibly a kid actor, vs a young woman in her 60s (iirc?) who's just as short as a teen child. Kinda awkward, as they probably could've used CGI trickery for her (or height/position tricks for the camera) to show her being as small as Artemis.
What could the rat thingies be (at 1:33)? Don't recognise them. Gotta laugh at the brief hint of a goblin army, though - they're literally dumber than dogs, so that seems horribly unlikely to occur.
VolantRedX
Official Conscience of Worm Fanfiction!
I legit forgot that this hadn't come out like a year ago.
CaesriusPolybius
Worldgate Mechanic
- Location
- United States. Ish.
IIRC Holly's closer to 20s-equivalent given fairy lifespans, but that's still not exactly kid actor range.
Telamon
A corvid.
- Location
- Texas
I expected nothing, and yet I am still immeasurably disappointed.
Did anyone involved in this so much as open any of the books, ever? They appear to have taken every remotely interesting element and sanded it down to mediocrity. There is nothing remotely original or unique about the finished product, save to the remarkable lengths it goes to avoid being remotely interesting. There was a point in the trailer where I was physically cringing at every new line, shot, or even cut to black — because I knew it would be followed by something awful.
I have a deep and personal connection to the Artemis Fowl series. The first writing I ever published on the Internet was Artemis Fowl fanfiction at the tender age of 10. There were years when I lived, breathed, and slept Artemis Fowl. My first PSN nickname and my first internet handle were based off this series. In a way I cannot really put into words, Artemis Fowl was my childhood. Over time, my passion has faded to a faint fondness, as many childhood obsessions do.
This trailer is...well, it has woefully undershot all of my expectations — and keep in mind, I expected nothing. This trailer is offensively, stupidly, disgustingly safe. Everything and anything which could possibly be controversial or offensive has been expunged with the clean efficiency of a Soviet purge. Gone is Artemis' criminal past. Gone is his clinical, nearly sociopathic detachment, bordering on cruelty. Indeed, they have done away with the entire premise that makes the first book work — that Artemis is a criminal holding the secret fairy world hostage for a massive ransom in order to free his father. It was a subversion of the typical YA script that blew my mind as a kid — a precocious child finds a secret magic world, and holds them over a barrel for profit. It was quite literally the core concept of the entire series.
Instead, the only person being held hostage here is apparently Dame Judi Dench.
This is a bad movie. It's a bad adaptation. From one and a half minutes of footage I can state unreservedly that absolutely nothing about this is salvageable or worth watching. It is utterly and wholly forgettable. This post marks, I am almost certain, the high point of emotional reaction that this movie has or will garner from any human being, ever.
I will probably never think about this movie again, and that's sad.
Did anyone involved in this so much as open any of the books, ever? They appear to have taken every remotely interesting element and sanded it down to mediocrity. There is nothing remotely original or unique about the finished product, save to the remarkable lengths it goes to avoid being remotely interesting. There was a point in the trailer where I was physically cringing at every new line, shot, or even cut to black — because I knew it would be followed by something awful.
I have a deep and personal connection to the Artemis Fowl series. The first writing I ever published on the Internet was Artemis Fowl fanfiction at the tender age of 10. There were years when I lived, breathed, and slept Artemis Fowl. My first PSN nickname and my first internet handle were based off this series. In a way I cannot really put into words, Artemis Fowl was my childhood. Over time, my passion has faded to a faint fondness, as many childhood obsessions do.
This trailer is...well, it has woefully undershot all of my expectations — and keep in mind, I expected nothing. This trailer is offensively, stupidly, disgustingly safe. Everything and anything which could possibly be controversial or offensive has been expunged with the clean efficiency of a Soviet purge. Gone is Artemis' criminal past. Gone is his clinical, nearly sociopathic detachment, bordering on cruelty. Indeed, they have done away with the entire premise that makes the first book work — that Artemis is a criminal holding the secret fairy world hostage for a massive ransom in order to free his father. It was a subversion of the typical YA script that blew my mind as a kid — a precocious child finds a secret magic world, and holds them over a barrel for profit. It was quite literally the core concept of the entire series.
Instead, the only person being held hostage here is apparently Dame Judi Dench.
This is a bad movie. It's a bad adaptation. From one and a half minutes of footage I can state unreservedly that absolutely nothing about this is salvageable or worth watching. It is utterly and wholly forgettable. This post marks, I am almost certain, the high point of emotional reaction that this movie has or will garner from any human being, ever.
I will probably never think about this movie again, and that's sad.
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- Location
- Texas, US
I can't recall the first time I listened to Artemis Fowl exactly. I wasn't a kid, I didn't grow up with it like i did with Harry Potter. Nevertheless, I really enjoyed it. Artemis was a nice, complex protagonist. He was doing villainous things but he wasn't just a villain. There are some truly heartbreaking moments in the first book, mainly everything to do with his mother. I always skip the one part where, in her insanity, she tells Arty that his father has come back and he goes to her room only to find she had drawn a face on her pillow.
It's times like that you remember Artemis, for all his genius and infamy, was just a boy who wanted to find his dad and rebuild his family.
Such nuance is not in evidence here and that is probably the saddest thing about this adaptation.
It's times like that you remember Artemis, for all his genius and infamy, was just a boy who wanted to find his dad and rebuild his family.
Such nuance is not in evidence here and that is probably the saddest thing about this adaptation.
- Location
- Writeland
Scream at them loud enough and maybe they'll change it, this is honestly probably more offensive than horrible mutant Sonic.
RoboRenee
Trans of gender
- Location
- FFXIV, probably
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Total removal of moral complexity has to be deliberate, but... why?
If you're not willing to adapt a series about a 'criminal mastermind', why use Artemis Fowl as a property?
We knew this was going to be bad, but like... I kind of expected something, you know? His dad is actually a superhero, Artemis knows nothing compromising, the plot is even kicked off by other characters acting on his life. There doesn't seem to be anything left that indicates Artemis has even seen a questionable decision before let alone made one.
If you're not willing to adapt a series about a 'criminal mastermind', why use Artemis Fowl as a property?
We knew this was going to be bad, but like... I kind of expected something, you know? His dad is actually a superhero, Artemis knows nothing compromising, the plot is even kicked off by other characters acting on his life. There doesn't seem to be anything left that indicates Artemis has even seen a questionable decision before let alone made one.
VolantRedX
Official Conscience of Worm Fanfiction!
The saddest part of all of this is that I remember as a very small child going to a book signing by Colfer where the question was asked about doing a film. At the time the Harry Potter films had just started coming out and it seemed natural that AF get adapted soon. He went in some length about him and his agent discussing what sort of adaption he wanted and just how to preserve the story. There were talks but nothing concrete. I can't help but feel he waited too long to commit and suddenly the well dried up as AF was left behind by the popular conciousness and he had no choice but to settle for a lesser effort just to see his story on the big screen.
Bernkastel
The Witch of Miracles
- Location
- United Kingdom
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Looking at it, I think the approach was likely "we have this property, how can we make a marketable movie out of it?". Having the title character being a villain protagonist and sharing the protagonist role with Holly are things I could see being viewed as obstacles, especially by someone who thinks the ideal would be a hero team movie, combined with " other world" type escapism. That's what this trailer comes off as to me, an attempt to smash little bits from Artemis Fowl into a more marketable mold.
VolantRedX
Official Conscience of Worm Fanfiction!
The thing is I could see how adapting AF into a film would be very difficult at least with children in mind. The book is very internal, set up more like a heist film than a typical action film. There are like three fights in the entire film while most of the pages are spent describing the characters' thoughts as they puzzle out their next move. That's very hard to translate from the written word to film, especially when trying to also have the film be an action-adventure romp for kids. It's a big ask to have kids sit through a film built around subtle acting and slowly building tension.