A prequel to the upcoming beach omake. You don't think Wen Hao was just going to roll over and go on
holiday without a fight, did you?
---
Apartment block 14 was, like most others in the city, a drab concrete mess built several decades ago and never once refurbished. The only sign that it had any form of life from the outside was the murals sprouting up along its sides, commissioned by the local council to celebrate the Jade Revolution. However, those pleasant paintings did little to take away from the building's aura of ennui, which hovered over the towering hunk of stone and steel.
Still, even a place as dull as this got the occasional booster shot of excitement, either on Mahjong night or when the residents of Apartment 3-74 were feeling particularly rambunctious.
" Lei-lei's got a
cruuush! Lei-lei's got a
cruuush!" Ai sang, laughing as she skipped out of the bedroom with a picture clutched to her chest.. Inside the frame was contained a rather improbable scene of the Dragon Lady of MOFCOM soundly asleep, curled up in a certain person's lap. Almost anyone would attest it was fake, of course; the idea of Wen Hao taking a break, let alone sleeping, would be laughed off by any of the workers under her.
This cheerful chanting seemed to prompt a sudden,
loud reaction from the other inhabitant of the flat, shutting off her shower with enough speed that the subsequent water hammer could be heard on the entire floor. She charged out of the bathroom barely decent, eyes wide with panic as she realised what was going on. "Ai what are you doing
where did you get that PUT THAT DOWN-"
"-It's her boss'
hus-band!" It's her boss'
hus-band-"
"-
AI NO BAD GIRL PUT DOWN THE PICTURE HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THAT AI STOOOOOOOOOOP-"
Chasing her girlfriend around the apartment like she was a dog with something between its teeth, Jin Lei finally caught the deviant by launching herself off the back of the couch, pinning Ai under her. With her victim defenceless, Jin Lei plucked back her
lewd keepsake treasured memory, holding it out of the pinned girl's reach, where it would be safe. Rising up off Ai, she sighed and chastised her flushed girlfriend. "Ai, what have I told you about doing this?"
Ai giggled, squirming to escape from Lei's hold. "Not to reveal state secrets like the fact you're attracted to both your boss and her husband?"
"Ye- wait, no-" Now it was Lei's turn to turn an ever brighter shade of pink as her girlfriend twisted and turned under her. "-no not that Ai-"
"To not parade around your forbidden love for your boss, who happens to be married, but apparently that's not as much of a problem for you as it used to be?"
"-Ai no-" The poor secretary was now bright enough to be considered a form of low-light illuminator.
"Let me think then..." Ai finally took some pity on her poor, embarrassed girlfriend, and pushed the stuttering wreck of a girl up so she could get out from under her, running a hand through Lei's hair, as if to give the poor thing a consoling pat. "Is it about shouting those things so loudly that everyone in the block knows," Ai huffed, "even though you were screaming their names louder in bed?"
Lei gave up the ghost, wrapping her towel around herself tightly and leaning into Ai as she attempted to hide her face. "Yes. that."
Ai lightly tapped her defeated girlfriend on the head, chuckling. "Oh relax, it's fine. I fill everyone in on hotpot night anyway."
Lei immediately snapped out of her defeated fugue, head shooting straight up to stare at her girlfriend. "
YOU WHAT-"
"Relax Lei-Lei, I'm just kidding!" Ai laughed, backing away and holding her hands up defensively. When she reached the wall, she rapped her knuckles on the solid concrete. "The walls here are thick, anyway. No need to worry your pretty little head about what the neighbours might hear~"
Lei collapsed backwards onto the carpet, all of the tension flowing out of her, and she let out a deep sigh as she massaged her temples. "Why do I even bother."
"Aw, chin up Lei-Lei," Ai cooed, walking behind her girlfriend and hauling her back upright, rubbing her shoulders as she whispered into her favourite pet secretary's ear. "You're a respectable, hardworking woman, with one of the most important jobs in China. Who's going to care about a little bit of lesbianism and cuckolding?"
"Ai, I don't think you're very good at this whole motivational speech thing."
"That's the spirit!" Ai slapped Lei on the shoulder, provoking a squeak as she moved back over to the busy kitchen counter, where she pulled out a small journal with
Jin Lei's Official Documentation written on it. "Anyway, I was looking through your diary-"
"-Ai no-"
"Ai yes," Ai agreed, "and saw you were planning out how to get your 'Wenpress' on a holiday. Any plans, beyond," Ai flipped to a random page and peered at the delicate handwriting, "kidnapping her with the help of the new Janitor teams and sending her on a one-way flight to the Bahamas?"
Lei pouted. "W-well, it's hard enough getting her to stop for a lunch break! I have to remember to feed her every day because she won't stop working!"
"Didn't you do the whole delegation thing already? Wasn't that meant to cut down on the work?"
Lei shook her head. "It was a fool's game. She just starts doing other people's work that they haven't gotten around to yet."
"Seems the solution is simple, then."
"What?"
Ai told her.
Jin Lei thought about it for a moment, before grinning and wrapping up Ai in a hug with a massive squeal.
---
Built on East Chang'an Avenue, MOFCOM was busy every day, no matter the hour, no matter where one looked. There were only two bottlenecks slowing the torrent of officials, The front desk, that checked them in and directed them to their departments, and "Elevator alley", where perpetually busy officials waited impatiently to go to their floor, cramming themselves into the giant lifts like so many sardines before flooding out of the elevators, into the hive complex of offices upon offices where one could find those same bureaucrats doing their best to solve the various financial and commercial problems of China. A few unfortunate souls would stay in those elevators, taking them to the very top (or, more accurately, top and right of the building), the lair of the Dragon Lady, where Wen Hao reigned supreme.
Even in a building as busy as MOFCOM Central, the occasional room was still forgotten about, and so it was in a dingy office in the basement, lit by a single bare bulb and filled with dusty government pamphlets extolling the virtues of Deng Xiaoping Theory, and of the "Four Cardinal Principles" of the "Four Modernisations", that someone put it to use for the first time in almost 2 decades.
A young secretary was marking up a "borrowed" whiteboard, cluttering it with every idea that entered her head, the squeak of a dark red marker temporarily drowning out the hum of the lightbulb above her as she linked two equally treasonous concepts together.
Jin Lei hadn't done this kind of sleuthing before. Sure, she'd spied on people for her old bosses, when she was told, and maybe "lost" a few state documents, but that was childishly easy. Now, she had to keep out of the eyes of the seemingly omnipotent Minister as she attempted to do something even worse;
Make the Wenpress take a holiday.
"I just don't understand why you need us here," Gao griped, in between sips of tea.. "Sure, Wen needs to take a break, but I'm not sure what we're all meant to do about it." He gestured around the room, to the assorted department heads Jin Lei had dragged in for her secret meeting, who all grumbled in agreement with him.
"Gentlemen! This is important! We need her to be able to properly de-stress, not just drink out every bar in a ten block radius of here!! If we can get her out of Beijing for a few days, we can avoid a repeat of Dunk Wen Hao. Do any of you want a repeat of Drunk Wen Hao?"
Apart from myself, of course Jin Lei amended in her mind, but her words sent a shiver of fear through the room, and triggered a vigorous shaking of heads from those assembled. "Of course, making her take her mind off of work is harder than it appears.. Gao, if you would?"
Gao sighed, and set his tea aside for now, walking over to a second whiteboard, balanced precariously atop the decades old dusty boxes.. He sketched out the various departments of the Ministry, connecting several of them by lines leading up or down, with the very top focusing through one bespectacled face (Jin Lei), into a massive dragon that appeared to be eating a mountain made of paperwork (Wen Hao).
"Here's the problem, folks," Gao tapped the drawing, "usually, everything flows smoothly. Team heads within departments get work done; that work gets signed off by department heads, or sent back down to get redone. Department heads bundle up this work into projects that then get signed off by myself, or Wen Hao. Jin Lei acts as the intermediate, handling rubber stamping or stuff that, quite frankly, shouldn't be going to Wen Hao in the first place."
"The issue is," Gao gestured towards a drawing of a few stick figures seemingly lying back and twiddling their thumbs, "the balance is too easy to disrupt. If, for example, some groups do
not perform as they should, then that means more work heads on up the chain. This wastes Wen Hao's time. This displeases the Wen." Gao's surprisingly artistic touch directed the dragon down into the departments, past Jin Lei, to eat the offending team. A few of the assembled officials shivered in sympathetic pain.
"However, competence ends up being just as much of a problem." Gao pointed towards a different set of stick figures, this time a group of apparent genii, burning through work as fast as they're given it. "In this case, work is done faster, department heads have less to pass upwards, and the only thing that Jin Lei gets to give Wen Hao are simply confirmations that all is well and dandy. This, too, does not work." Once again, Gao depicted the Dragon of MOFCOM descending from its mountain, bypassing Jin Lei's charicature to directly ravage villages of screaming functionaries. "In essence, if Wen Hao is not given enough work, then Wen Hao will seek out work. It is simply in Wen's nature to do so."
One of the nameless bureaucrats leaned forward, confusion clear on her face. "I don't understand. It would seem that if we're too slow, then the Dra- pardon, Wen Hao does it herself. If we're too efficient, and too little is passed up, then Wen Hao simply circumvents department heads and manages projects directly. What can we actually do to make her stop?"
"It's simple," Jin Lei answered, "but difficult. However, I have full faith that we can accomplish it."
"And what's that to be?"
Jin Lei told them.
The bureaucrats sat in stunned silence. Another shrugged, checking their watch, before standing. "Well, suppose it's worth giving a go. When do we start?"
"Right now."
"And when do we stop?"
"When it's done." Jin Lei's gaze swept across every face in attendance, sheer determination radiating from her being. "We will stop when every piece of work, every project, every ream of paperwork has been finished, filed, signed, and locked away so that Wen will have no choice but to not work, for there won't be any work to be
done."
---
There were rumours going about MOFCOM that Wen Hao could smell conspiracy. With the existence of the janitors known to only a select few, the general consensus amongst the bureaucracy was that the Dragon of MOFCOM, somehow, sniffed out every last fifth columnist within MOFCOM all by herself. While it wasn't true, Wen Hao allowed it to continue circulating anyway, if just because it was always amusing to walk past a nervous bunch of secretaries who were trying to pretend like they hadn't just been gossiping about the latest going-on within the Ministry. It was almost like telling a child that their ears went red when they lied; invariably, the mere act of them trying to act innocent gave the game away.
However, this one particular day Wen walked into MOFCOM, she couldn't help but catch a scent of sheer insubordination. It only grew stronger as she walked towards her office; the secretaries she passed by ignored her for once, focusing instead on phone calls and paperwork in front of them. Cubicle blocks held no sound beyond faint whispers, though still felt loud by the intensity writ upon every functionary's face. Foreign Affairs, as she passed by, seemed to have diplomats tied to a desk, burning through forms that she wasn't sure had been there the day before.
As the focus of MOFCOM intensified, so too did Wen Hao's suspicion, until she was speeding through the halls, followed by the echoing of pen on paper, fingers on keyboards, and eyes on some indeterminate prize. When she arrived at her office, the doors opened to reveal...
Jin and Gao, peacefully drinking tea at the coffee table, engaged in a quiet conversation hidden underneath the TV's low volume. They both perked up as Wen stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.
Jin smiled, pure innocence radiating from her every pore. "Ah, Minister! It's good to see you, though it's quite early, don't you think?"
Wen Hao looked up at the clock, which displayed seven o'clock, on the dot. The time she arrived at every single day, regardless of how late she stayed. Her eyes went back to Jin, who was still smiling.
Gao stepped forward, a smile just as innocent on his face (if slightly more disturbing). "Indeed, Minister. We'd hate for you to overwork yourself. After all, you already do so much for the Ministry."
"I appreciate your concern, but China stops for no man, nor woman," Wen muttered. The pieces were coming together in her mind. Hoping that she was wrong, she turned to Jin, who still had that damnable smile on her face. "Jin Lei, do you happen to have my morning briefing and schedule?"
"Ah, I'm afraid not Minister," her secretary curtseyed in apology, "though I'm glad to tell you that there's no need for today. I checked in with every department, who've all confirmed that they're on track to match all deadlines for the coming weeks."
"What about the empty departments? We were meant to be conducting the first round for the new department heads."
Gao nodded his head in agreement, "Exactly right, Minister. Fortunately, I've been able to handle much of that for now, so you've no need to worry. I'll tell you once the applicants are ready to be interviewed, though I expect that won't happen for a month yet."
"And the 2001 White Paper? We needed to begin work on the preliminary-"
"It's on its way, Minister, the Departments have assembled a special group to handle its development. The first draft should be on your desk in the next few weeks."
"I see. Jin Lei," Wen Hao turned towards her secretary, "if I asked you what my schedule looked like, I don't suppose the answer would be along the lines of, 'my day is clear'?"
"Indeed it is, Minister!" Jin Lei's head bobbed. "In fact, I do believe the next few weeks are completely free!"
Wen Hao nodded. "That's good to hear. I knew I was smart to put my trust in the both of you. I suppose I'll just go for a walk, maybe grab a coffee."
Jin and Gao both nodded in sync, still smiling. "Of course, Minister. We'll be here if you have need of us."
Wen Hao couldn't close the doors fast enough. The suspicion had crystallised. But she needed confirmation first.
---
"Ah, M-minister! A pleasure to see you! What brings you down to our little corner of paradise?" Sheng Ni's laugh petered off underneath the withering gaze of the Dragon.
"Is there any work on your Department's plate that you need offloaded?" the Dragon asked.
"No, Minister. All is quite well here. In fact," Sheng gestured towards a meeting room across the office, where some dozen bureaucrats seemed to be buried to their waists in printouts and charts, "the 2001 White Paper DevGroup seems to be well on its way to a first draft! However, I'm afraid it won't be ready for your personal inspection for a few weeks."
"That's good to hear. Keep up the good work, Sheng."
"But of course, Minister. We'll be here if you need us."
---
"M-minister Wen! My, how good of you to come by! Though I'm afraid it's a bit of a mess!" Qing Yüan chuckled embarassedly, scratching his neck. "Y'see, we're working with the Deputy Minister now on getting those new Department Heads in place and ready. Lots of work to go through."
"Anything that you'd need help with?" asked the Dragon.
"No, no, I couldn't!" Qing waved his hands back and forth, "I wouldn't want to add to your workload! As it is, I'd say we're all chugging along just fine. Better than fine, actually, though it'll still take a few weeks for everything to get back to you, I can imagine."
"That's good to hear. Keep up the good work, Qing."
"But of course, Minister. We'll be here if you need us."
---
"Anything I can assist with?"
Yue Wan Chen shook his head sadly. "Afraid not, Minister. We're in the middle of talks for getting those temporary office spaces up in Xinjiang, and some other teams working on some new trade terms for the Autonomies. Nothing that we could give you yet for a couple weeks yet."
"That's good to hear. Keep up the good work, Yue."
"But of course, -"
---
"-Minister. We'll be-"
"-here if-"
"-you need us-"
---
"-but don't hesitate to stop by for a cup of tea," Feng smiled, a perfectly, purely innocent smile on her face.
The Dragon turned tail, and ran.
---
The doors to the Minister's office slammed open, revealing Jin and Gao peacefully drinking tea-
"I know what you did," the Dragon growled.
"Oh, Minister!" Jin and Gao both stood, turning towards their boss, "we'd gone down to the café to see if we could catch you. Did you have a nice walk?"
"Every form, filed. Every piece of paperwork, stamped and sent. Every meeting, cancelled," the Dragon continued, striding past the conspirators towards her conspicuously clean desk, apart from a single leaflet which she picked up with a fluorish, "all so you could do this to me."
"Eh? What's that, Minister?" Jin Lei adjusted her glasses as she read the paper the Minister held in her hand. "Putuoshan? Oh, the Shanghai resort? Were you thinking of taking a holiday, Minister?"
Gao hummed in thought. "That's not a bad idea, Minister. After all, you're probably clear for the next few weeks. No better time, right?"
The Dragon roared.
---
"
REINHARDT."
"Ah, Hao my dear! Lovely to hear from you during the day! Usually I don't see you till you're collapsed face down in the couch!" Reinhardt chuckled, drawing a few glances from some of the others in the market. "Anyway, I'm just doing some shopping for dinner tonight. Do you think you'll be home early? I was thinking of doing schnitzel!"
"
YOU PUT THEM UP TO THIS."
"Put who up to what, my dear?"
"
ME TAKING A HOLIDAY."
"Ach, no, my darling, it's 'I'm taking a holiday', not 'me taking'. Usually your German is better. But that's besides the point! I'm happy to hear that you're taking some time off! Hey, speaking of, I actually got a coupon from the shops for this lovely place called Putuoshan, near your hometown! Wouldn't that be lovely?"
The Dragon screamed.
---
The doors to Wen Hao's office opened, revealing Jin and Gao peacefully drinking tea, engaged in a quiet conversation hidden underneath the TV's low volume. They both perked up as Wen stepped into the room, closing the door behind her and slumping down against it, head nestled in between her arms.
Jin rose with a smile, looking down on her defeated boss. "Ah, Minister, you just rushed out. Did you have a call to make? Booking a flight, perhaps?"
"You win."
"Ah, what was that, Minister?" Gao rubbed his ears as he stood, "I don't think I quite heard that."
The Minister lifted her head, weariness and defeat written clearly upon her expression. "You win. I'll take a holiday," she sighed, letting her head fall back down again. "Jin Lei, make the preparations. Putuoshan sounds lovely this time of year."
Got her, Jin Lei smiled. "Of course, Wen."
One holiday, coming right up.
