Worm: Collector's Edition (Worm/Multi)

[jmschips]

@jmschips I'm liking this a lot so far. One thing that stood out to me, is that she received a Public Relations Skill Book, but this wasn't mentioned afterwards. You would think something with skill book would come up in power testing at least.

Click to shrink...

I mentioned in chapter 1.5 that she looked through "the guides her power gave her", I thought it was implicit that the PR skill book was one of them. Perhaps I should go back and specify what happened with it? She had to read the whole thing before it came into effect, and it only taught her the skill, it- and other skill books- won't improve skills- that's what practice and teaching is for.

On a different note, I've ordered my "what-if" chapters by when they diverged, roughly, rather than when I wrote them, so I can keep points of divergence to what I've already posted, for those that have the same or similar rules, anyway. The first one will be coming shortly.

 

[jmschips]

January 3, 2011:
Taylor was trying hard not to hyperventilate, not that anyone would blame her- not only was she forced into a locker-her locker! - that was filled with as many used tampons and pads as it could hold, but now she was, somehow, standing on the bridge of a ship, looking out at what she thought was Brockton Bay. The most jarring thing, however, was not the abrupt change in location, the lack of mess, or even the view, but the words floating in front of her.

Prologue Complete!​

'Clearly I've gone crazy,' was the first thought that went through her mind, 'but what's this about a prologue?' She tried to find a door only to find herself rooted in place, resulting in yet more panic. "Wha-! Why can't I move?!"

Notice​

Due to circumstances, you have been granted a one-time allowance to modify your Stats, Attributes, and Perks. You have been granted access to up to Tier 3 Perks and 20 Perk points. Until this has been completed your Attribute bonuses and maluses will no longer be applied. You will not be allowed to Continue until this has been completed. Additionally, you have a one-time allowance to choose a power you have not unlocked previously, though all other powers will remain locked after your decision. If the power you choose has multiple tiers, you will gain them one at a time to allow you to grow used to them.​

Next​

Taylor had to admit she did feel better, the twin weights of her mother's death and her former friend's betrayal more distant and no longer such a large part of her focus, and the trauma of the locker was not affecting her as much as it had been before the notice. Wary, but cautiously optimistic, she ultimately decided to at least give whatever this was a chance. "Next."

Stats​

Stats, or Statistics, are a measurement of your development as a person. The three meters- Health (HP), Mana (MP), and Stamina (STA)- track your personal resources, which are determined by your basic Stats. There are 7 basic Stats: Strength (STR) is the measure of physical power, affecting carry weight, physical damage, and Inventory space Dexterity (DEX) is the measure of physical control, affecting movement speed, attacking speed, reflex speed, and flexibility Constitution (CON) is the measure of physical durability, affecting physical status conditions and how much damage you can take Intelligence (INT) is the measure of mental capacity, affecting spell damage, Experience (EXP) gain, and character point gain Perception (PER) is the measure of mental insight, allowing you to determine outcomes and see what others might have missed, as well as detecting magic Willpower (WIL) is the measure of mental control, allowing you to act despite other factors and governs your spellcasting abilities Charisma (CHA) is your physical and mental wellbeing and beauty, determining appearance, body language, social interpretation, and stat caps Each Stat starts at 10, with a base cap of 5 times level plus 10.​

Next​

She took this in, considering the implications, before moving on to the next notice.

Attributes​

Attributes may be beneficial, disadvantageous, or both. Attributes may be chosen at the beginning of a life, or applied after an event, such as a tragic or crippling event. Effects may include physical, mental, and emotional changes. All powers fall under Attributes, and as such may have any of the effects of one. Beneficial Attributes cost Attribute points, disadvantageous ones grant points, and mixed ones either grant or cost a smaller amount, or neither cost nor grant Attribute points​

Next​

"Powers? What kind of powers?" When no response was forthcoming, she advanced to the next slide.

Perks​

Perks are traits that can affect your performance, but can only be selected or changed at the beginning of a life. Which perks are available depend on your performance in your previous life, though perks taken previously that are no longer available may be retained so long as they are not refunded.​

Next​

This time, when she advanced it was to find her character sheet.

Stats​

Taylor Hebert Locker Girl​

Level 7 603/700 EXP 86.14% EXP Multiplier: 300%​

60/60 HP +3 HP/min 200/200 MP +10 MP/min 2200 STA +22 STA/min​

STR 13 (6) DEX 15 (16) CON 13 (6) INT 17 (20) PER 15 (13) WIL 17 (23) CHA 15 (5) 0 Stat Points​

<-Previous Done Next->​

Attributes​

Betrayed Bookworm Cheerful- Negated by Depression Depression Determined Heroic Tendency Independent Late Bloomer Low Self-Esteem Magical Being Out of Shape PTSD (Minor) Self-Sacrificing Social Pariah Teenager Thin Frame 8 Attribute Points​

<-Previous Done Next->​

Perk Menu 20 Perk Points​

STR: 12 Perks Available​

DEX: 12 Perks Available​

CON: 12 Perks Available​

INT: 12 Perks Available​

PER: 12 Perks Available​

WIL: 12 Perks Available​

CHA: 12 Perks Available​

<-Previous Done Next->​

Taylor immediately bought off "Depression", "Low Self-Esteem", and "Out of Shape", though the others she wanted to buy off she couldn't. She looked through the catalogue she could access and chose "Wise" and "Charismatic", hoping to help her low perception and lower charisma, decided to save for potential powers, then moved on to Perks.

She chose 1 perk from the STR menu- A non-lethal toggle-, 2 from the DEX menu- a total reflex bonus of +55%-, 6 perks from the INT menu- 3 to get 4 Perk points per level, 2 for +75% EXP, and 1 each for 2 Attribute points per level and 9 Stat points per level-, 2 from the PER menu- A hostility detection power and ability to ignore perception filters-, 8 from the WIL menu- 3 for pain resistance +35%, 2 each for Master resistance +35 and drug resistance +50%, and 1 for Stranger resistance +25% and 3 from the CHA menu- 2 for all Stats +5, and a 1 point reduction in Attribute CHA penalties.

Taylor then evaluated her Stats, then decided to move two points from WIL to CON, just to give herself a little more room for error.

Stats​

Taylor Hebert Locker Girl​

Level 7 603/700 EXP 86.14% EXP Multiplier: 375%​

150/100 HP +15 HP/min 250/200 MP +15 MP/min 4550 STA +45.5 STA/min​

STR 13 (16) DEX 15 (23) CON 15 (15) INT 17 (25) PER 15 (25) WIL 15 (31) CHA 15 (19) 0 Stat Points​

<-Previous Done Next->​

Attributes​

Betrayed Bookworm Charismatic Cheerful Determined Heroic Tendency Independent Late Bloomer Magical Being PTSD (Minor) Self-Sacrificing Social Pariah Teenager Thin Frame Wise 2 Attribute Points​

<-Previous Done Next->​

Perk Menu 0 Perk Points​

STR: 11 Perks Available​

DEX: 10 Perks Available​

CON: 12 Perks Available​

INT: 6 Perks Available​

PER: 10 Perks Available​

WIL: 4 Perks Available​

CHA: 9 Perks Available​

<-Previous Done Next->​

With that done, Taylor moved on, finding herself shifted near the cargo holds, with a small menu.

Rewards​

Science​

Technomagic​

Magic​

Unlocked​

She looked through the various reward options, ultimately selecting a Technomagic reward called "Arkshipgirl Spear of Adun".

Arkshipgirl Spear of Adun​

Blaster 10 (Weapons)​

Brute 12​

Breaker 12 (Shipgirl form)​

Master 12 (Crew, Arkship Projection)​

Mover 12 (Superluminal)​

Shaker 9 (Shields)​

Stranger 8 (Cloaking)​

Striker 8 (Material Transmutation)​

Thinker 12 (Sensors, Computers)​

Tinker 12 (Protoss Tech)​

Trump 8 (Empowers crew and allies)​

Her choice had two requirement sets, both of which she would gain access to- a 17-tier selection with 2 branches at each tier but the first, and a four-tier selection with less potential, though still quite powerful. Once she made her selection, she was moved back to the bridge, with a new menu.

Main Menu​

New Game​

Load Game​

Continue​

Achievements​

Rewards​

Options​

Exit​

Taylor investigated the options, changed the color of the menu, then considered her options, depending on whether she was returned to the locker or woke up in a hospital bed, then steeled herself and said "Continue."

 

[draconix]

Ah, good to know skill books act like normal books.

 

[Keflyn]

I've tended to think of the absorbing skill books as a sacrificial magic thing, in exchange for greater clarity and understanding you sacrifice the book. I'm going to be honest, I think the alternate start might be a better intro then the actual intro, your story though.

 

[wolfman11378]

I have to agree with Keflyn here. This is a better start, I believe.

 

[jmschips]

Jan 3, 2011:
Taylor hesitated, before considering that most of the pre-Scion comics that had powers also had special materials that might well be considered physical magic, so she chose "Technomagic". She was entranced briefly by an image of herself in an odd gold and blue dress, but rejected it after seeing it would likely require permits that she probably couldn't afford. She looked around some more, before finding one she thought would be appropriate, considering her childhood hero.

Kryptonian​

Blaster 8 (Heat vision, Freezing breath)​

Brute 9 (Strength, Invulnerablility, Weakness to Kryptonite)​

Mover 10 (Superspeed, Flight)​

Shaker 2 (Protection of passengers)​

Stranger 5 (Identity protection)​

Striker 5 (Tactile telekinesis)​

Thinker 9 (Senses, X-ray vision)​

Tinker 12 (Kryptonian Tech)​

Apr 14, 2011:
It had taken a while, but Taylor had managed to build a Kryptonian Embassy, which she then used to build an underwater base outside the bay. Three days ago she had helped what Armsmaster said were a group of small-time thieves escape from a fiery death, and a day later she had rejected their job offer. Now, she was listening for trouble while patrolling, after skipping after the Trio caught up to her before lunch. The sounds of the Undersiders entering Central Bank almost drew her, but the whispered "98.64% chance of being rescued" gave her pause. As she headed in that direction, she heard a 'go' order over a radio, and the same voice whispered a plea for help, causing her to speed up. The novice hero paused as a thought came to her, then made to follow the kidnap victim and her captors more discretely- if she could protect the victim, then catching all the would-be kidnappers at once would stop her from being targeted in the future. Plus, she might make for a good teammate, if what she heard was a Thinker power. As the yet-unnamed hero kept an eye on the unremarkable van the kidnappers had their target in from back-alleys nearly a block behind them, she looked along their vector, trying to see if she could discover where they would stop, along with trying to triangulate their leader's voice. She could also hear that the bank robbery had attracted the attention of the Wards, along with Glory Girl- apparently her sister was in the bank- and the Undersiders were getting pretty nervous. At this point the timing of the two events struck her, and she began to get suspicious, mentally preparing for more capes to be wherever the kidnappers were going.

As the vehicle turned into a garage that had a discrete entrance to an underground bunker lined with explosives, Taylor cursed quietly, before looking through the base for prospective leaders. She matched the voice she'd heard to a cape with a snake motif, but looked around to see if he was taking orders from or giving updates to anyone- he didn't appear to be, so she made him her priority target, followed by the victim. As he smiled triumphantly, she took a calming breath and slammed through his ceiling, destroying his computer, and carefully knocked him out, before rushing though the base, knocking out the girl's guards and rescuing the girl herself, then hurrying to the on-site servers and removing their power supplies, letting the girl go with a brief explanation, before blocking the door and knocking out all the base's personnel. She then contacted the PRT about what she assumed was a cape-instigated kidnapping she had chased down, all the while keeping an eye on the villain she had knocked out first. After finishing up the call, making sure she had given them the address and the fact that it had been given what she assumed was a self-destruct mechanism, she went back in, moving all the suspects together and restraining them, before re-opening the server room.

Around this time the Undersiders had nearly escaped- Regent had been taken out by Panacea, Glory Girl's entrance had accidently knocked out Tattletale, while Grue and Hellhound/Bitch were being entertained by Vista while Clockblocker waited out his costume's time-out, Aegis and the new kid Browbeat kept the dogs busy, and Kid Win took potshots at Vista's victims.

"Sorry I took so long rescuing you."

She was answered with a blinding smile and a hug, "I knew you would come."

---

This chapter was written early on, probably in the first few chapters, and hasn't been edited recently. That said, if I were to rewrite this I'd probably replace the "Trio" mention with more generic "bullies", possibly with mentions of Madison, as I figure even if the Trio was disbanded due to similar circumstances as the main story, if Taylor wasn't removed from Winslow then she'd still probably be a target of what remains of the Trio's old clique, which would most likely be mostly intact. Additionally, I might add to the Undersider's membership, or otherwise change up the distraction. Another thing I'd consider is folding the Shaker rating into Striker, though as I'm not very familiar with the details of Superman's powers I'm leaving it for now. These are mostly thought-exercises done when the writing's difficult anyway.

 

[Blorcyn]

So I made it to 1.6 and it seems to be getting more tell than it has been, with each chapter. This particular chapter feels like a 'treatment' if you're familiar with the term. In screenwriting, a treatment is the step-before a script where they turn all their scene plans into a telling of the story in 12-40 pages.

That's what 1.6 seems like here, an in-depth plan. Something you could then turn into two or three proper chapters, even.

As an author it's fine to have (after 5 chapters revolving around shipgirl spirits) 'she meets them' to know where that fits, but it's not good for the reader.

Imagine Harry Potter where JK left it at 'they row across the lake' or 'Hagrid, Dumbledore and McGonagall argue but Dumbledore decided it would still be best for Harry to stay at the Dursley's'. Something like that.


It's not just dialogue, too. Things to look out for are 'she felt', 'she thought'. Think about if an issue is important and if it gets sorted in two or three lines. Normally there should be a bit of back and forth in a story, an obstacle in achieving an important goal or important information. Try and describe things with body sensations to hint at an emotion rather than directly telling us what she felt. Saying 'her heart sunk', is better than 'she felt afraid'. Consider that most YA, worm included, is first person and most fanfic of it too. You'll have to go that extra mile to make Taylor feel Taylor when you're writing in third person.

 

[jmschips]

Apr 14, 2011:
They had been lucky. Taylor hadn't been focusing on anything else when she'd overheard the woman- a Tinker called Bakuda, according to the PRT- order the people in the room with her to "gather more recruits for implantation" before telling her most recent victims that the "operation" had put bombs in their heads. The admission of how powerful her hearing actually was gave the officers pause, but she had already told them that Dinah Alcott, the girl who she had rescued, had drawn her attention from some distance away and that she could detect explosives hidden in the walls of an underground bunker. A search was started for the villain, her victims, and any bombs they may have hidden- Taylor was with Aegis floating in the sky, using her x-ray vision to look for bombs and relaying their locations, and a description of the victim if they were implanted, to Aegis, who sent it on to the Protectorate's dispatch. As she searched, the two of them were chatting, though Aegis mostly led the conversation.

"So why not join the Wards? You don't seem interested in joining New Wave, and indie heroes don't tend to last long, statistically speaking."

Taylor shrugged uncomfortably, "I've got enough teenage drama at school, I didn't think it would be a good idea to buy more in my free time- that, and the PRT and Protectorate seem… overly focused on public relations, and I'm pretty independent- I don't know how well I'd do with all the rules and regulations I'd have to submit to. Mostly the drama though."

Aegis paused, then spent a short time considering things, "Aside from Shadow Stalker, who's a bit of a bitch, the other Wards are good people. I know and trust the others, aside from Shadow Stalker- don't spread this around, but Shadow Stalker's a probationary Ward due to stuff she did as a vigilante, so she's not trusted and not allowed to unmask."

"Probationary?"

"Yeah, she's basically on parole, if she screws up again she'll get sent to juvie. I'm not sure that she really understands her position- she almost killed an Empire member by nailing him to a wall with her arrows, and if he'd died the Empire would have been out for her head, but she's really passive-aggressive, and I've heard her insult Vista a couple times." Aegis sighed, "At this point we're all just waiting for her to get caught violating her probation and get locked up- her attitude problems are mostly tolerated because of how effective she is, but no-one likes her, and regulations require more than poor attitude to remove anyone, even if they're on probation. I think the Director wants her gone, but won't do anything without a replacement or a really good reason because we're so short-staffed."

Taylor paused to report another bomb, then hummed thoughtfully, "She sounds like she'd fit in with the thugs at Winslow pretty well." She then blanched, "Um, can we pretend I didn't say that?"

"Too close to home? I can pretend you didn't name your school, though I have to ask, is that why you didn't want to join- too many interactions with bullies?"

She remains silent for a while, turning her head away, "Yeah. They started when I started high school and just won't stop. I did pretty well until then, then my grades dropped because they kept stealing or destroying my work." She sighed, then reported a group of ABB members invading homes, "Looks like we're getting closer. Any news on the Kill Order request?"

"No, though if she sets any of her bombs off it might get rushed though. Right now she's a threat, but not an imminent one, so they're being thorough."

"Well, I think I've got a good idea of where her lab is located now, she's really chatty- classic megalomaniac really. Once I've found it and checked it out it would probably be a good idea to swoop in and knock her out- I'm pretty sure I can do it too fast for her to set off her bombs, and if I'm careful then activating a deadman's switch shouldn't be a problem." Another pause to report victims kidnapping more prospective victims.

Aegis gave his report, then listened to the response, "If you can get her before she starts surgery that would be best. Console wants me to stress that you should only do it if you're certain you're fast enough and precise enough to do it without triggering anything."

---

It occurred to me that my normal posting habits may suggest I'm ignoring people- I'm not, I just don't usually have something to say, and I am usually on a tablet that I try not to post from unless it's really important. That said, I do prefer specific examples so I can see what you're talking about, though some things, like my tendency to tell, are things I know about and am trying to correct. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble with both the shipgirl scene edit and the end of 2.2, so I have no idea when I'll be able to continue with the main story. I do have the Gallant conversation edit done though, and I'm curious if I should edit it in right away or wait for the shipgirl scene to cooperate.

 

[the DragonBard]

While short, this is more like what this fic needs.
Now, if it had been longer, it would have been just about perfect.

 

[jmschips]

Jan 3, 2011:
Taylor paused, then turned to look at the statue she had just passed, somewhat confused. She had noticed a trend of stronger powers being further from the front, so this one at first glance seemed out of place- the outfit looked vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place it. A closer look showed small spheres attached to the belt which also tickled her memory, but she was again drawing a blank. She frowned before taking a look at the information box, before letting out a soft "Ah!" of realization.

Pokémon Trainer​

Brute 2​

Master 12 (Pokémon)​

Striker 1 (Identifier)​

Thinker 2 (Pokémon Data)​

Tinker 9 (Pokémon Tech)​

Taylor had seen a short bit of the Pokémon anime during its short resurgence after Kyushu was sunk with Emma while channel-surfing, but it hadn't really caught her interest then. The most interesting part about this power, though, was that while it had an easy requirement- get a Pokémon in any Pokémon game- and apparently required certain in-game achievements to use stronger creatures, the creatures she would be able to use would eventually be incredibly strong, if the Master rating was any indication. She wasn't certain how useful the Tinker part would be, given her current lack of resources, but with any luck that wouldn't last forever. While she looked around some more, in the end, the relative ease of access and potential power made up her mind.

Jan 6, 2011:
Taylor had begun researching for the power she had chosen to pursue first, hoping it wouldn't be too expensive. Pokémon was mostly an Earth Aleph favorite, though Bet had a few releases before Leviathan's Kyushu attack devastated Japan and the surrounding area, after which Nintendo floundered for a while before one of their subsidiaries took over and negotiated with the Aleph company for titles released during the interim, along with an occasional exchange of popular titles. While the anime never recovered from Kyushu, the games still had a decent following, though not as large as Aleph. Moving on to the hardware she would need, the console for the most recent releases would be either roughly $195 or $247, while the games themselves would be around $60. She then researched earlier releases and noticed that the games were being released nearer to their Aleph release dates than since the aftermath of Kyushu, though the older consoles had all been discontinued. After some deliberation, she decided to go with Pearl, due to the title creature's spatial specialty, though Platinum, the most recently released version of the set, gave access to a wider variety, which was tempting and might be something she would look into once she got a better idea of her powers- assuming she could, anyway.

 

[Balrog]

You know it's funny I just recently was going through some of my old things and found my old Gameboy Advance. I decided to give it to my nephew so went to the local used game store to find a pokemon game for it but one look at the price for a used game ($40 to $60) I turned around and left.
Lovely chapter by the way.

 

[the DragonBard]

I'm curious if the Pokemon's power levels will be equivalent to the ones from the anime, as the top tier ones are Triumvirate tier, or Endbringer tier.

 

[ScottotheUnwise]

I'm curious if the Pokemon's power levels will be equivalent to the ones from the anime, as the top tier ones are Triumvirate tier, or Endbringer tier.

Click to shrink...

She lives by water, so it is almost a guarantee she will get a Magiccarp first as it is THE weakest but turns stronger later in Taylor is escalation terms.

I would doubt she would get the biggest/baddest of the game early as she would have to devote so much time to get big ones. But if she could start with Squirtel or any of the water types, she would be appreciated by the BB Fire Brigade. 😁

 

[UnfortuWatcher]

Oof, picking Pearl over Platinum. That's a hit. But then she would learn the greatness that is Giratina since she could eventually play Platinum to compare it.

 

[TerraBull]

Why do I think of the internet comic "Manly guys doing manly things" where the trainer used his Magikarp as a club while saying "Body Slam" till it evolved into ..?

How else would it evolve?

 

[jmschips]

Mar 5, 2011:
It took some time, but her tormentors got what was coming to them, then she successfully got transferred to Arcadia. The settlement from the school district and the PRT mostly went into a college fund, though she did keep enough for her intended devices, with a bit left over for a costume. Upon bringing her new handheld and game home, she started it up, played for a few minutes, then saved and turned it off so she could do a brief power-testing. Now that the game had been started she got a sense it was "available", which changed to "selected" when she focused on using it, then back to "available" when she thought about not using it.

Switching back to "selected", Taylor noticed she could get an idea of what creatures were available- right now it was just her starter, Piplup. She had considered the other two, but felt burning those she fought was a bad idea, and a grass-type would probably have trouble against Lung if she had the bad luck of fighting him.

---

Sorry about not posting last week, I got distracted by a game I hadn't played before and it really sucked me in.

I'd meant to expand on this, but got distracted from it and never came back. Looking at it again, I'd probably modify the PRT's involvement to indicate that they were involved due to improprieties on the part of the school's liaison officer, rather than them admitting a Ward was involved in tormenting her.

 

[jmschips]

Jan 10, 2011:
Contessa growled as yet another experiment failed catastrophically. Out of frustration, she ran the "Path to controlling vial outcomes", despite knowing it would be useless, only to freeze in shock as it gave an unexpected result.

"Door me."

---

"So you know where a bunch of shards that have no Entity are, and you want me to take control of them so they actually work properly for humans? What's causing them to not work properly, do you know?" Taylor's voice was skeptical, but interested.

"The, ah, 'entity' in question crashed into the version of Earth it's on, and was, if not killed then rendered brain-dead about thirty years ago. I was a young girl then, and my power was not crippled as it was in that exchange, as a last-ditch effort to protect itself. The 'entities' are… they work to increase conflict on a world, then destroy it and move to the next. I'm not really certain why, but my power showed me what steps would need to be taken to stop it, before…"

"With the 'Entity' Reward I could probably fix that for you, if I subvert your shard."

Contessa smiled, "That thought had occurred to me, once I realized that you had the potential to control the Agents. Not being able to Path Scion or the Endbringers has been… difficult."

Taylor sighed, "I still find it hard to believe Scion is like that- an Entity, sure, he's inhuman enough, but omnicidal…"

---

With the Minor Entity Attribute (STR +25, DEX -10, CON +25, INT +25, control and creation of shards) came Interdimensional (DEX +50, CON +50, increased difficulty for enemies to find or harm), Solar-Powered (converts radiation to usable energy), and Space-Faring (DEX +50, CON +50, immunity to vacuum and radiation), as well as new responsibilities. Taylor was kept busy for nearly an hour sorting out the connection interface, then changing the conflict drive to an experimentation drive, followed by telling Tinker shards not to drive their Tinkers crazy when they didn't tinker, and moving shards to unoccupied Earths and having them deploy, after which she would subvert more of the dead Entity's shards and repeat the process.

Nearly four hours into the process her Minor Entity attribute evolved into Entity (STR +50, DEX -25, CON +50, INT +50) and granted her Massive (STR +50, DEX -50, CON +50), and that wasn't getting into the occasional shard that had mutated their host. She would talk to those who had been changed later, see if they wanted to keep their changes or not- it would be simple to make the changes a Changer form or Breaker state, but changing unexpectedly could be bad. Contessa, along with Legend, Eidolon, and Alexandria- and hadn't that excited Taylor, her childhood hero was impressed by her!- were watching, while another pair she didn't recognize- a woman and a man, who left shortly after- were observing the corpse of the former Entity.

She was disappointed that her hero was flawed, but recognized that moral creep could set in even the best of situations, and theirs was far from it. With the unused powers, she should also be able to gain the components of "Spear of Adun" much faster, and with luck might not attract Scion's attention before she had gained it, which should help her in any potential fight, and if she was really lucky maybe she could convince him not to destroy the planet.

 

[Faralis]

Ouch, those DEX malus...

 

[draconix]

Yeah, those would suck.

 

[Truck-Sama]

The dex loss hurts so much, sure you are getting tanky, but why take damage when you can avoid it instead?

 

[Archimand]

Because avoiding 1 hits is so good...
Just look at shield hero, he so tanky he doesnt even feel bunch of lvl 1 mobs munching him.

 

[TerraBull]

What are the totals on the build? She is not becoming a 'Non-Fat Space Whale'?

 

[H341ZP1Z]

Your start was stellar, but you've written summaries ever since 'Tutorial 1.5' and that's really unfortunate. A lot of good dialog and character building got washed away. Honestly it feels like you got bored of the story and the writing style and decided to just give an overview of what you were going to write, rather than an actually written chapter itself. Part of the fun of reading is getting to know the characters and even if interpretations of these characters have been done to death, it's what a story lives on.

I can understand skipping conversions about things you might not want to expand upon or don't understand the subject matter or whatever. But you're just skipping over any and all conversation to the point that this isn't a story anymore; it's a list of events.

Worm is a very open setting, it's one of the easier setting to write fan fiction about because of that. By that I mean there's an entire world and no matter where they go in that world they're bound to be drawn to the really important bits of action and plot points. A lot of people dismiss them or magic them into a non-issue for one reason or another, but fixed points such as an Endbringer battle can introduce interesting possibilities for your character. And it's always nice having a big and obvious end point or final confrontation that your character is more than likely going to be at regardless of their role in the story.

What I'm saying, is that if you've lost interest in the setting and characters there are still ways to salvage the story if you want to. Taylor doesn't need to be Brockton Bay, that's just an unfortunate fact. Brockton Bay is a stage the story plays out upon, and the actors on that stage are largely irrelevant to the plot as a whole. Taylor herself is only important as far as her powers make her, and while Wildbow does an incredible job tying everything together; the stage and actors can be anything and the story would still play out the same on the larger scale. That might be over trivializing things, but it's those trivial aspect of a story that make it a story and something to enjoy. So reading this makes me sad because it's fairly obvious you've gotten bored or become disinterested in putting effort into anything other than the general overview of your story. So what I'm saying is that while you have amazing world building going on in some regards you aren't writing a story at the moment as your fan fiction stands since 'Tutorial 1.5'.

Not that it isn't enjoyable. I'm just trying to be helpful while voicing my complaints about your writing. I look forward to more, if you choose to continue writing this fan fiction.

 

[the DragonBard]

Your start was stellar, but you've written summaries ever since 'Tutorial 1.5' and that's really unfortunate.

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We've mentioned this point to the OP a number of times.
They've said they'll start doing more showing in the next arc I believe, so we're hoping.

 

[jmschips]

What are the totals on the build? She is not becoming a 'Non-Fat Space Whale'?

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STR 106, DEX 41, CON 206, INT 70, PER 13, WIL 23, CHA 5 plus whatever other powers she gains from Shards and actually uses, which she can toggle or otherwise deactivate, and any stat points from level ups that may or may not have happened due to quests. I didn't expand on it due to considering it just a plot bunny, and it was relatively early on in my writing process. Additionally, I may have left out or since added an attribute called "Superluminal", which would add another 50 DEX. This was before I decided to use a point-based system though, so she wouldn't have limits on what she chooses to use.

Your start was stellar, but you've written summaries ever since 'Tutorial 1.5' and that's really unfortunate. A lot of good dialog and character building got washed away. Honestly it feels like you got bored of the story and the writing style and decided to just give an overview of what you were going to write, rather than an actually written chapter itself. Part of the fun of reading is getting to know the characters and even if interpretations of these characters have been done to death, it's what a story lives on.

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It's not that I grew bored of it so much as wanting to get to the Probe unlock and letting that rush my writing. I've since started writing stuff I intend to put in later in a separate file so I can refer to it and modify it later if need be. I have also been expanding on the first meeting with a spirit- which has been fighting me- and the powers confrontation with Gallant- which is pretty much done- as well as the next arc- which again is fighting me. That said, I have lots of plans for later in the story, just few for the immediate future.

In addition, if you feel something needs to be expanded on, please mention it specifically, so I can look at things. It may be I'm not getting my thoughts across properly- as an example, from what I read people thought Gallant just told Taylor about his powers, rather than the reluctance I tried to show with the word "ultimately"- or it may be that I'm letting my excitement for something in the future blind me to faults in what I've written. Alternatively, it's possible I'm not sure how to describe something and summarize it so I can move on- I'm worried a villain encounter I've written in 2.2 may have come across this way, for example, but it's hard for me to tell.

I would also appreciate feedback on the unposted portion of my buffer and notes that probably won't be posted since I've been changing them to keep them up-to-date and haven't kept back-ups for each chapter. That said, my writing has been haphazard and, recently, somewhat infrequent for a variety of reasons, and most of what I've written in the last month has been additional apocryphal chapters. If anyone would like to review it anyway, please send me a PM and I'll send a link.