Accretion 1.7
- Location
- London, 1935. August.
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Assault - Ethan - barely paused for breath before he extended a hand to Matsuri and kept going with the introductions. "I think Matsuri has already introduced herself. She's known publicly as Bombast. She's the most senior person still doing the Psyren jumps." Matsuri was still in the middle of stowing her scarf into the messenger bag at her side, but she paused to wave at Shadow Stalker and the guy I didn't recognize.
Despite the conversation moving on, I was having trouble following. Instead I was marveling at the fact that a Protectorate hero had just unmasked to me! He looked maybe in his mid twenties, good-looking but in an unremarkable way, the kind of guy you might pass on the street without really thinking anything about. It was actually a little bit shocking how different he looked without the visor. Now that I was paying attention, I could see that the visor covered up his hairline and brow. His brown hair had the tiniest hint of red to it that was more obvious without the bright red of the visor to compare it to, and the way the visor concealed the brow and cheekbones meant that it looked like his face had an entirely different shape than it had a moment before.
"Shadow Stalker, do you want to take off the mask, get comfortable, introduce yourself?" Ethan asked.
In response, the other PRT hero rolled her eyes. "Fuck off, you're not my boss here."
The older hero didn't seem surprised by the hostility of the response and just shrugged. "She's a bit prickly," he explained in a half-whisper that was nowhere near quiet enough to avoid the Ward herself overhearing. "Don't let it bother you too much. She's only had a few more visits to Psyren than you have. This is your fourth visit, right?" The last question was directed at Shadow Stalker.
She still didn't seem to be in any hurry to remove her mask. "Yeah, but I was a cape for a whole year before that. I survived being an independent cape for almost the whole time."
Despite the confrontational tone, Assault only barely seemed to acknowledge her response. "Right. So, hopefully you all can get along. Now, why don't one of our newbies introduce themselves? Don't worry, despite Shadow Stalker's standoffishness, you can take your mask off here - like I said, the staff will knock before coming in." He turned toward the guy next to him in the PRT standard mask.
The other guy seemed to shrink under the attention. Nevertheless, his hand came slowly for his own mask. When he removed it, he revealed an older asian boy I only barely recognized. The guy Shadow Stalker and I had hauled away to wait for an ambulance looked like he had had his life force sucked out through a straw, his hair limp and his cheeks gaunt. Still, the recognition came with a sense of relief so strong it felt like a punch in the chest. I had seen most of the people pulled into the Psyren event die that I had almost forgotten that there was someone whose fate had been hanging in the balance.
"Yeah. Hi. Um, my name is Tatsuo?" he said. "I don't have a cape name or anything because I'm not a cape. Or, I guess I wasn't before that…whatever that was. Before I almost bled to death. Now I'm here and I'm supposed to have powers but I don't really feel anything…" Instead of finishing his sentence properly he trailed off, looking down at the table in front of him.
Despite the kind of pathetic atmosphere around the guy, Ethan gave him a smile and patted him on the back. "That's right. We're all capes here, thanks to Psyren, whether you were before you started or not. Shadow Stalker there was, but me and Matsuri got our powers from the trips directly."
It felt like my voice had been caught in my throat since I had seen the Protectorate hero, and suddenly it became unstuck. "I talked to Miss Militia, and she said the Protectorate are still looking for clues about Psyren. Haven't you warned them about…" I wasn't sure exactly how to describe my experience with Psyren so far, so I just went with, "all of that?"
If he were surprised or upset about my interruption, he didn't show it, but his expression was a little less light. "Why don't you introduce yourself first, then we can get on with the explanation."
With the eyes of everyone in the booth now on me, I figured I could wait for a moment or two to learn what was going on. "My name's Taylor," I offered. I struggled for a second to remove the ratty blue ski mask, but finally got it off and ran my hand through my hair to try to keep it out of my face. I didn't know why I had thought it would be a good idea to bring this, when I should have just kept the PRT-issued mask like Tatsuo apparently had. To fill the silence, I added. "I had a power before everything happened, but it was kind of useless. And now it's even worse."
The mention of my power made me lose the struggle I had been having to shut it out of my mind for a moment. Even with a fairly large booth like we were in, with everyone crowded in they were all in my range. It was distracting even noticing it, so I was trying hard not to. Even worse, the people around me burned much brighter and stronger in my power's sense. It was a little like the stronger sense I had had of Miss Militia. Where she had felt like a singular point in my mind, the others here were different, more diffuse in a way I couldn't adequately explain. Their signatures weren't all the same strength, either. Tatsuo was barely a flicker, though he still had that same fluid quality that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Shadow Stalker was a touch brighter, perhaps about half of Miss Militia's strength if the two could be compared. Matsuri, conversely, was just above Miss Militia, considerably stronger than anyone else I had felt before.
Assault was nearly blinding. Whatever quality the signals' strengths were supposed to represent in my mind, he had more than I had imagined would be possible.
With a deliberate effort, I wrestled the sense of my power down and into the corner of my mind so I could ignore it. I didn't want to be thinking about how I could seize control of everyone around me, especially not when they included a Ward and a Protectorate hero who I was trying to get answers from.
"Well, it's nice to meet everyone," Assault said. "You'll all want to get to know each other, because the four of you are going to be doing Psyren trips together for a little while. As to your question…" he said, facing me directly. He had had a somewhat flippant tone, but he seemed to be growing more serious as he spoke. "I have finished with my Psyren trips, but that doesn't mean I'm exactly free of all of Nemesis Q's restrictions. I don't get pulled along on jumps like you guys did, but I still can't talk to anyone about it or else…" he put his fist to his chest and mimed it exploding outward. "And since I finished my run before I joined the Protectorate, there's no way for them to learn about it. They caught Shadow Stalker's connection because of the missing time, but they know enough to know she can't say anything."
Beside him, Tatsuo is looking a little lost, and Ethan seems to spot that, because he takes a deep breath before laying his hands flat on the table. "Alright. I want to make sure everyone is on the same page here, so let me explain to you the basics of what Psyren is and what is happening. These are things I and a lot of the people before me had to work out on our own, but I try to do my best to pass them on to every new person who joins.
"Psyren rule number one: you cannot talk about Psyren to non-members. You cannot write about Psyren in a way non-members might find. You cannot even leave hints about Psyren to people you trust to figure them out. If you attempt to communicate anything at all about Psyren to someone who doesn't already know, you will start feeling pain in your chest. It will continue getting worse and worse until you start passing over actual information, at which point you will suffer a heart attack and die. Medically, there will be no clear cause for the heart attack, but it will always be fatal."
I had known that already from Miss MIlitia's warning, and Shadow Stalker and Matsuri had obviously been told this after their first visits. Tatsuo's face, though, was beginning to grow more and more pale as Assault spoke.
"Psyren rule number two: your Psyren card is your life. Keep it on you at all times. On the top corner, it will have a number that counts down from fifty. We do not know exactly what it is counting, but each jump will subtract a certain amount of points from that number. Once you reach zero, you no longer have to worry about jumps. You must have it with you if you are called for a jump, because it is critical to the process of exiting the jump.
"Psyren rule number three: always answer the phone. A jump will start with a phone call that only you can hear, growing louder and louder until you answer it. It does not stop if you ignore it, it just continues to get louder until you either pick up any functioning phone and put it to your ear, or you either go insane or have an aneurysm." I must have reacted somehow to that one too, because Ethan was looking between us and paused in his lecture. "As far as we can tell it is not connected to her, but the concern is understandable. There have been former members of Psyren who have been at battles with her and say it's different, but there are so many unknowns we can't be sure. That's another reason it's important to answer the phone quickly. It is safest if you carry a phone around with you at all times to make sure you always have one on hand to initiate a jump."
"Psyren rule number four: get together and follow the vision. Once you pick up a phone, you will be teleported to - let's just say for now, you'll be teleported elsewhere. You will all be nearby, and there should be some form of surviving phone nearby as well, whether that's a payphone or a home landline or a discarded cell phone. Gather there, and you will get a vision that will show you another intact phone. Find it, avoid the exclusion zones around the big siren towers, and connect your Psyren card to the exit phone and you will be teleported back here. It's taken us a lot of work, but we have worked out some things about the other world you go to for these jumps. We can go over some of our educated guesses in the strategy sessions. It's usually a few weeks between calls.
"Psyren rule number five: learn to use your powers. You have them now, whether you did before or not. They are somewhat different from normal powers, and that's what we'll be spending most of our time on while we wait for you to be called. We'll need to figure out and help you train with your new abilities. For now, just know that learning to use your powers will be the difference between life and death.
"And that brings us to the final rule," Assault said, looking practically somber now. In fact, all three of them were, Shadow Stalker with her arms crossed and her eyes fixed on the table in front of her and Matsuri looking subdued. "Psyren rule number six: people will die. Psyren jumps are deadly. In my time, I have seen enough to put them on-par with…with an Endbringer battle. Your first jumps will be your hardest, but I have seen people at all stages make mistakes." His expression was like stone as he looked each of us in the eyes in turn, not just Rick and I but Shadow Stalker and Matsuri as well. "Of the four of you still jumping, even considering Matsuri has almost finished her own run, it will be a miracle if two of you make it to where I am. It's why I am the only veteran available, and why so many of us before had to figure things out on our own. I am sorry."
We were silent in the wake of his final rule. I wasn't sure what we could possibly say to encompass what I was feeling. I had worked out Psyren was deadly - there had hardly been a night where I hadn't woken up to the memory of the crossbow bolt's tip appearing out of the field of dark hair in the back of a skull.
Assault's comparison to an Endbringer fight wasn't lost on me. I wasn't a cape geek who knew the exact statistics for that kind of thing, but I knew that they weren't good. I had briefly thought about participating in an Endbringer fight, and had come to the conclusion that I could only justify it if for some reason it had come to Brockton Bay. And now, I would have to go through something comparable to that every few weeks. There were people who had survived dozens of Endbringer battles, I knew there were. From what I understood, the Triumvirate attended all they were allowed. But there was a reason why they were the Triumvirate and I…was not. I was a girl who controlled bugs, who couldn't barely even do that anymore.
"I know this is difficult to hear, and I am sorry you are going through this," Ethan's voice came, pulling me out of the spiral of my own thoughts, "but it's important you know what to expect. We will do our best to prepare you for the jumps, but you have to understand how much danger you are in. Please work with us and stay together as a team as much as you can. Having teammates you can rely on will be critical."
He seemed to hesitate before continuing, drawing a long breath and no longer meeting any of our eyes. "And even if you survive, not everyone will. It looks, at the moment, like Nemesis Q is in a recruiting period; sometimes you'll go many jumps without new people, and sometimes you will get a half-dozen in a row bringing new jumpers on. There will likely be more new people in the coming months." His expression was truly just short of a grimace here, and he was pausing between statements as if he could avoid saying them entirely if he just waited long enough. "You will watch many of them die. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to save some of them. You will have to focus on your own survival if you want to have a chance of making it through this. There will not be time to grieve them."
I didn't know how to respond to that, and from the silence in the booth, the other must have been struggling with the same issue. I couldn't imagine such a callous response, even as I understood what he was saying.
But Shadow Stalker must have thought differently, because I felt below the table as her leg lashed out to kick the center support violently. "Who the fuck's grieving for a weakling like Browbeat?" she bit out.
I didn't recall getting to my feet. I was only aware when I had halfway crawled over where Matsuri was sitting at the end of the booth. My hand got caught on the curtain and then I found myself impeded by Matsuri's arm around me. I struggled to get out of her grip, but she was sliding away from me to take my now-empty space in the booth. I stumbled a step when something blue swept over my vision, and then I was released to crash out through the curtains into the open diner.
I was only barely able to understand what anyone was saying, only catching snippets of conversation in the diner and something like, "let her go, we'll give her a call when things cool down," from inside the booth. The waitress who I had ordered a chocolate milk from was at the counter and looking at me with concern, but I was more focused on the door. I had to get out.
It was a relief when I got Shadow Stalker out of my range. I hadn't known what I was going to do. I had wanted to reach out and hit her, but feeling her there, in my grasp, just a thought away, for even a second longer had felt too dangerous. I didn't even know for sure what would have happened, just that it would have been bad. What would Assault have done if I had controlled a Ward like that? Would I have then had to take over all of them? What then? I didn't even know for sure I could control people like that, but I couldn't handle the risk, not after what she had said.
Even now, safely away from the danger of lashing out, I was having trouble understanding it. How could she say that about someone who had died protecting us? Sure, Shadow Stalker had gotten out before it happened, but she had seen Browbeat fighting the horse-head creatures. She had apparently done this with Browbeat before. I couldn't imagine being so callous as to write off his death like that.
When I felt like I had walked sufficiently far from the diner that I wasn't at risk of Shadow Stalker accidentally re-entering my range, I stopped to lean against the brick wall of a nearby building. I thought about turning around and going back to the diner. The reality was, I needed answers. I would have to talk to Assault again, at least, and I would see Shadow Stalker, Matsuri, and Tatsuo whenever the next call came, from what I understood.
But I knew if I went back, the temptation would still be there. Shadow Stalker was still…I didn't even want to think about it anymore. Even though all I had done was sit on a bench in the park and then walk to a diner and sit in a booth there, I felt exhausted. It was like the first few times I had gone running after the hospital, sweaty and gasping for breath and questioning why I had done any of this, even as I knew it would be important. Would I eventually get used to this kind of emotional whiplash, like I had the running?
Instead, I turned back to the park I had come from, and the bus station there to go home. I would have to face the other people called by Psyren eventually, but for now, I was going to work on how I could be a hero, even with my much-reduced powers.
Despite the conversation moving on, I was having trouble following. Instead I was marveling at the fact that a Protectorate hero had just unmasked to me! He looked maybe in his mid twenties, good-looking but in an unremarkable way, the kind of guy you might pass on the street without really thinking anything about. It was actually a little bit shocking how different he looked without the visor. Now that I was paying attention, I could see that the visor covered up his hairline and brow. His brown hair had the tiniest hint of red to it that was more obvious without the bright red of the visor to compare it to, and the way the visor concealed the brow and cheekbones meant that it looked like his face had an entirely different shape than it had a moment before.
"Shadow Stalker, do you want to take off the mask, get comfortable, introduce yourself?" Ethan asked.
In response, the other PRT hero rolled her eyes. "Fuck off, you're not my boss here."
The older hero didn't seem surprised by the hostility of the response and just shrugged. "She's a bit prickly," he explained in a half-whisper that was nowhere near quiet enough to avoid the Ward herself overhearing. "Don't let it bother you too much. She's only had a few more visits to Psyren than you have. This is your fourth visit, right?" The last question was directed at Shadow Stalker.
She still didn't seem to be in any hurry to remove her mask. "Yeah, but I was a cape for a whole year before that. I survived being an independent cape for almost the whole time."
Despite the confrontational tone, Assault only barely seemed to acknowledge her response. "Right. So, hopefully you all can get along. Now, why don't one of our newbies introduce themselves? Don't worry, despite Shadow Stalker's standoffishness, you can take your mask off here - like I said, the staff will knock before coming in." He turned toward the guy next to him in the PRT standard mask.
The other guy seemed to shrink under the attention. Nevertheless, his hand came slowly for his own mask. When he removed it, he revealed an older asian boy I only barely recognized. The guy Shadow Stalker and I had hauled away to wait for an ambulance looked like he had had his life force sucked out through a straw, his hair limp and his cheeks gaunt. Still, the recognition came with a sense of relief so strong it felt like a punch in the chest. I had seen most of the people pulled into the Psyren event die that I had almost forgotten that there was someone whose fate had been hanging in the balance.
"Yeah. Hi. Um, my name is Tatsuo?" he said. "I don't have a cape name or anything because I'm not a cape. Or, I guess I wasn't before that…whatever that was. Before I almost bled to death. Now I'm here and I'm supposed to have powers but I don't really feel anything…" Instead of finishing his sentence properly he trailed off, looking down at the table in front of him.
Despite the kind of pathetic atmosphere around the guy, Ethan gave him a smile and patted him on the back. "That's right. We're all capes here, thanks to Psyren, whether you were before you started or not. Shadow Stalker there was, but me and Matsuri got our powers from the trips directly."
It felt like my voice had been caught in my throat since I had seen the Protectorate hero, and suddenly it became unstuck. "I talked to Miss Militia, and she said the Protectorate are still looking for clues about Psyren. Haven't you warned them about…" I wasn't sure exactly how to describe my experience with Psyren so far, so I just went with, "all of that?"
If he were surprised or upset about my interruption, he didn't show it, but his expression was a little less light. "Why don't you introduce yourself first, then we can get on with the explanation."
With the eyes of everyone in the booth now on me, I figured I could wait for a moment or two to learn what was going on. "My name's Taylor," I offered. I struggled for a second to remove the ratty blue ski mask, but finally got it off and ran my hand through my hair to try to keep it out of my face. I didn't know why I had thought it would be a good idea to bring this, when I should have just kept the PRT-issued mask like Tatsuo apparently had. To fill the silence, I added. "I had a power before everything happened, but it was kind of useless. And now it's even worse."
The mention of my power made me lose the struggle I had been having to shut it out of my mind for a moment. Even with a fairly large booth like we were in, with everyone crowded in they were all in my range. It was distracting even noticing it, so I was trying hard not to. Even worse, the people around me burned much brighter and stronger in my power's sense. It was a little like the stronger sense I had had of Miss Militia. Where she had felt like a singular point in my mind, the others here were different, more diffuse in a way I couldn't adequately explain. Their signatures weren't all the same strength, either. Tatsuo was barely a flicker, though he still had that same fluid quality that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Shadow Stalker was a touch brighter, perhaps about half of Miss Militia's strength if the two could be compared. Matsuri, conversely, was just above Miss Militia, considerably stronger than anyone else I had felt before.
Assault was nearly blinding. Whatever quality the signals' strengths were supposed to represent in my mind, he had more than I had imagined would be possible.
With a deliberate effort, I wrestled the sense of my power down and into the corner of my mind so I could ignore it. I didn't want to be thinking about how I could seize control of everyone around me, especially not when they included a Ward and a Protectorate hero who I was trying to get answers from.
"Well, it's nice to meet everyone," Assault said. "You'll all want to get to know each other, because the four of you are going to be doing Psyren trips together for a little while. As to your question…" he said, facing me directly. He had had a somewhat flippant tone, but he seemed to be growing more serious as he spoke. "I have finished with my Psyren trips, but that doesn't mean I'm exactly free of all of Nemesis Q's restrictions. I don't get pulled along on jumps like you guys did, but I still can't talk to anyone about it or else…" he put his fist to his chest and mimed it exploding outward. "And since I finished my run before I joined the Protectorate, there's no way for them to learn about it. They caught Shadow Stalker's connection because of the missing time, but they know enough to know she can't say anything."
Beside him, Tatsuo is looking a little lost, and Ethan seems to spot that, because he takes a deep breath before laying his hands flat on the table. "Alright. I want to make sure everyone is on the same page here, so let me explain to you the basics of what Psyren is and what is happening. These are things I and a lot of the people before me had to work out on our own, but I try to do my best to pass them on to every new person who joins.
"Psyren rule number one: you cannot talk about Psyren to non-members. You cannot write about Psyren in a way non-members might find. You cannot even leave hints about Psyren to people you trust to figure them out. If you attempt to communicate anything at all about Psyren to someone who doesn't already know, you will start feeling pain in your chest. It will continue getting worse and worse until you start passing over actual information, at which point you will suffer a heart attack and die. Medically, there will be no clear cause for the heart attack, but it will always be fatal."
I had known that already from Miss MIlitia's warning, and Shadow Stalker and Matsuri had obviously been told this after their first visits. Tatsuo's face, though, was beginning to grow more and more pale as Assault spoke.
"Psyren rule number two: your Psyren card is your life. Keep it on you at all times. On the top corner, it will have a number that counts down from fifty. We do not know exactly what it is counting, but each jump will subtract a certain amount of points from that number. Once you reach zero, you no longer have to worry about jumps. You must have it with you if you are called for a jump, because it is critical to the process of exiting the jump.
"Psyren rule number three: always answer the phone. A jump will start with a phone call that only you can hear, growing louder and louder until you answer it. It does not stop if you ignore it, it just continues to get louder until you either pick up any functioning phone and put it to your ear, or you either go insane or have an aneurysm." I must have reacted somehow to that one too, because Ethan was looking between us and paused in his lecture. "As far as we can tell it is not connected to her, but the concern is understandable. There have been former members of Psyren who have been at battles with her and say it's different, but there are so many unknowns we can't be sure. That's another reason it's important to answer the phone quickly. It is safest if you carry a phone around with you at all times to make sure you always have one on hand to initiate a jump."
"Psyren rule number four: get together and follow the vision. Once you pick up a phone, you will be teleported to - let's just say for now, you'll be teleported elsewhere. You will all be nearby, and there should be some form of surviving phone nearby as well, whether that's a payphone or a home landline or a discarded cell phone. Gather there, and you will get a vision that will show you another intact phone. Find it, avoid the exclusion zones around the big siren towers, and connect your Psyren card to the exit phone and you will be teleported back here. It's taken us a lot of work, but we have worked out some things about the other world you go to for these jumps. We can go over some of our educated guesses in the strategy sessions. It's usually a few weeks between calls.
"Psyren rule number five: learn to use your powers. You have them now, whether you did before or not. They are somewhat different from normal powers, and that's what we'll be spending most of our time on while we wait for you to be called. We'll need to figure out and help you train with your new abilities. For now, just know that learning to use your powers will be the difference between life and death.
"And that brings us to the final rule," Assault said, looking practically somber now. In fact, all three of them were, Shadow Stalker with her arms crossed and her eyes fixed on the table in front of her and Matsuri looking subdued. "Psyren rule number six: people will die. Psyren jumps are deadly. In my time, I have seen enough to put them on-par with…with an Endbringer battle. Your first jumps will be your hardest, but I have seen people at all stages make mistakes." His expression was like stone as he looked each of us in the eyes in turn, not just Rick and I but Shadow Stalker and Matsuri as well. "Of the four of you still jumping, even considering Matsuri has almost finished her own run, it will be a miracle if two of you make it to where I am. It's why I am the only veteran available, and why so many of us before had to figure things out on our own. I am sorry."
We were silent in the wake of his final rule. I wasn't sure what we could possibly say to encompass what I was feeling. I had worked out Psyren was deadly - there had hardly been a night where I hadn't woken up to the memory of the crossbow bolt's tip appearing out of the field of dark hair in the back of a skull.
Assault's comparison to an Endbringer fight wasn't lost on me. I wasn't a cape geek who knew the exact statistics for that kind of thing, but I knew that they weren't good. I had briefly thought about participating in an Endbringer fight, and had come to the conclusion that I could only justify it if for some reason it had come to Brockton Bay. And now, I would have to go through something comparable to that every few weeks. There were people who had survived dozens of Endbringer battles, I knew there were. From what I understood, the Triumvirate attended all they were allowed. But there was a reason why they were the Triumvirate and I…was not. I was a girl who controlled bugs, who couldn't barely even do that anymore.
"I know this is difficult to hear, and I am sorry you are going through this," Ethan's voice came, pulling me out of the spiral of my own thoughts, "but it's important you know what to expect. We will do our best to prepare you for the jumps, but you have to understand how much danger you are in. Please work with us and stay together as a team as much as you can. Having teammates you can rely on will be critical."
He seemed to hesitate before continuing, drawing a long breath and no longer meeting any of our eyes. "And even if you survive, not everyone will. It looks, at the moment, like Nemesis Q is in a recruiting period; sometimes you'll go many jumps without new people, and sometimes you will get a half-dozen in a row bringing new jumpers on. There will likely be more new people in the coming months." His expression was truly just short of a grimace here, and he was pausing between statements as if he could avoid saying them entirely if he just waited long enough. "You will watch many of them die. No matter how hard you try, you will not be able to save some of them. You will have to focus on your own survival if you want to have a chance of making it through this. There will not be time to grieve them."
I didn't know how to respond to that, and from the silence in the booth, the other must have been struggling with the same issue. I couldn't imagine such a callous response, even as I understood what he was saying.
But Shadow Stalker must have thought differently, because I felt below the table as her leg lashed out to kick the center support violently. "Who the fuck's grieving for a weakling like Browbeat?" she bit out.
I didn't recall getting to my feet. I was only aware when I had halfway crawled over where Matsuri was sitting at the end of the booth. My hand got caught on the curtain and then I found myself impeded by Matsuri's arm around me. I struggled to get out of her grip, but she was sliding away from me to take my now-empty space in the booth. I stumbled a step when something blue swept over my vision, and then I was released to crash out through the curtains into the open diner.
I was only barely able to understand what anyone was saying, only catching snippets of conversation in the diner and something like, "let her go, we'll give her a call when things cool down," from inside the booth. The waitress who I had ordered a chocolate milk from was at the counter and looking at me with concern, but I was more focused on the door. I had to get out.
It was a relief when I got Shadow Stalker out of my range. I hadn't known what I was going to do. I had wanted to reach out and hit her, but feeling her there, in my grasp, just a thought away, for even a second longer had felt too dangerous. I didn't even know for sure what would have happened, just that it would have been bad. What would Assault have done if I had controlled a Ward like that? Would I have then had to take over all of them? What then? I didn't even know for sure I could control people like that, but I couldn't handle the risk, not after what she had said.
Even now, safely away from the danger of lashing out, I was having trouble understanding it. How could she say that about someone who had died protecting us? Sure, Shadow Stalker had gotten out before it happened, but she had seen Browbeat fighting the horse-head creatures. She had apparently done this with Browbeat before. I couldn't imagine being so callous as to write off his death like that.
When I felt like I had walked sufficiently far from the diner that I wasn't at risk of Shadow Stalker accidentally re-entering my range, I stopped to lean against the brick wall of a nearby building. I thought about turning around and going back to the diner. The reality was, I needed answers. I would have to talk to Assault again, at least, and I would see Shadow Stalker, Matsuri, and Tatsuo whenever the next call came, from what I understood.
But I knew if I went back, the temptation would still be there. Shadow Stalker was still…I didn't even want to think about it anymore. Even though all I had done was sit on a bench in the park and then walk to a diner and sit in a booth there, I felt exhausted. It was like the first few times I had gone running after the hospital, sweaty and gasping for breath and questioning why I had done any of this, even as I knew it would be important. Would I eventually get used to this kind of emotional whiplash, like I had the running?
Instead, I turned back to the park I had come from, and the bus station there to go home. I would have to face the other people called by Psyren eventually, but for now, I was going to work on how I could be a hero, even with my much-reduced powers.