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Vision of the Caretaker (A Devourer of Worlds Sub-Quest)

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[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
Obtain knowledge, then act, unless there is no time to do so. I think we have that time here.

[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches
 
[X] Assemble the Gynoid – It'll take a lot of concentration, helping Penny with repairs was always really complicated, but Anna can probably get this one assembled and booted up. Maybe it could tell her something useful? Then again, humanoid-rated compact computing cores, even old ones, are far too complex for Anna to easily tell if it would be friendly or hostile when turned on.
 
TaliesinSkye said:
Thanks, spotted it myself shortly before you did. Tense was an editing artifact of accidentally writing this update in present tense instead of past and having to change it back when I realized the error.

Your vote copy/paste got clipped, by the way.
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Thanks; glad I'm not on record as voting for "Loo".

I'm no professional editor, but it feels like you might be a bit short on commas? My experience of your writing is in that weird place where lines intermittently feel awkward, but I can't quite put my finger on what the actual problem is, at least not without putting more time into a closer reading. Are you interested in that sort of writing critique and/or a beta reader?
 
So Ruby is assembling a gynoid, but with what purpose? We should find out!

[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches
 
Qwertystop said:
Thanks; glad I'm not on record as voting for "Loo".

I'm no professional editor, but it feels like you might be a bit short on commas? My experience of your writing is in that weird place where lines intermittently feel awkward, but I can't quite put my finger on what the actual problem is, at least not without putting more time into a closer reading. Are you interested in that sort of writing critique and/or a beta reader?
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Funnily enough, after the precision of your last critique I was thinking of asking you. I'm going to bed shortly but perhaps we can talk it over in a private conversation.

The topic of commas is interesting. People tend to instinctively use them to signify verbal pauses even in places that commas aren't grammatically needed. It's also common for people to separate independent clauses with a comma when they should just use a new sentence. Between the two commas tend to get used unnecessarily. I try hard not to do either. It took a lot of practice.

That said it's quite possible I'm going too far in the other direction and not using commas when I should. I'd actually be really interested to see some places that feel awkward to you to see if I can help you figure out what's causing the weirdness. If there's anything I can change to improve I'm always eager to pinpoint it.
 
[X] Look Around

We could put the Gynoid together, but it's not broken it's unfinished. We don't need to fix it and we don't know why it hasn't been assembled yet, it may be waiting something that isn't here.

We could leave but the last place we were was obviously important. Blake and the Flame were both there and they were not together. This place may also be something important, even if we don't recognize it. We should look around and try to figure out what we can.
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
TaliesinSkye said:
Funnily enough, after the precision of your last critique I was thinking of asking you. I'm going to bed shortly but perhaps we can talk it over in a private conversation.

The topic of commas is interesting. People tend to instinctively use them to signify verbal pauses even in places that commas aren't grammatically needed. It's also common for people to separate independent clauses with a comma when they should just use a new sentence. Between the two commas tend to get used unnecessarily. I try hard not to do either. It took a lot of practice.

That said it's quite possible I'm going too far in the other direction and not using commas when I should. I'd actually be really interested to see some places that feel awkward to you to see if I can help you figure out what's causing the weirdness. If there's anything I can change to improve I'm always eager to pinpoint it.
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Well, I'm willing to try, and I'm certainly not lacking for free time (at least in the anticipated short-term). Shifting to PM.
 
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[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
Since there is no description in the text (I just double checked), I am still imagining Anna looking like the Fire Emblem family with the same name.


Do you have a particular image in mind for our POV character, or shall I continue to imagine her as one of the Anna Family?
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
Bardic_Knowledge said:
Since there is no description in the text (I just double checked), I am still imagining Anna looking like the Fire Emblem family with the same name.


Do you have a particular image in mind for our POV character, or shall I continue to imagine her as one of the Anna Family?
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Minus the armor, sword, and odd clothing, that's actually pretty good. Also the teddy bear on the sword is adorable.
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.

It would be disrespectful of the artificer (i.e. Ruby) to interfere with their work without asking.
 
TaliesinSkye said:
Minus the armor, sword, and odd clothing, that's actually pretty good. Also the teddy bear on the sword is adorable.
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That's really just the recruitable Anna from Fire Emblem: Awakening (because there's at least five different Annas in Awakening). If you do a search for Fire Emblem Anna, you'll see all the different styles the Anna family has had. Which is quite a large amount, as, as far as I know, there's been an Anna acting as a merchant in every iteration of the Fire Emblem series.
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches.
 
[X] Look Around – Maybe she should try to understand what's going on here before she does anything or leaves. There might be clues about to where she is or what the unassembled gynoid is all about. She could have a closer look at the sniper-scythe, the production machines, and the non-gynoid parts on the workbenches
 
Can anyone find a canon name for the Northwest continent that Ciel was on?
 
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