- Location
- U.S.
Shepard it's not nice to impersonate dead writers and go around posting on their accounts to give the readers false hope. Shame, for shame. Smh
Til I Change Your Mind (Mass Effect Krogan SI)
- Thread starter Stratagemini
- Start date
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
I mean, worse comes to worst I'd just publish my outline. But I still intend to complete this.
- Location
- Somewhere with a Thousand Watchful Eyes
- Pronouns
- They/Them
New Salarian koan: Kafka.
Mirriam Grave
The Bemused. The Amused. The Unstable.
- Location
- The edge of a point.
The fact that an entire species, if not the entire roster of Citadel species, genuinely revolves around Nakmor Krell's schedule and insanity like the games seemed to do with Shepard is absolutely hilarious to me.
This story always gets a smile on my face. No matter how many times I reread it.
Small Nerd
Meganekko
- Location
- Out There
- Pronouns
- She/Her
The author or the gacha game character?
...or is figuring out which Kafka to research part of the koan too? Genius!
@Stratagemini ........ are you native American, and cribbing the story about when Coyote was pranked?
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Always a good day when this story updates.
Hah yeah that sounds about right for the salarians
CHAPTER 59: There Are Other Ways
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
CHAPTER 59: There Are Other Ways
'Professor. Welcome, I hope it wasn't too much an inconvenience finding the place? You seem to have gotten lost enough that even STG lost track of you for a while.'
Yeah. Valern was still bitter about that, I suppose.
'I had to returns a few overdue library books.' I decided to explain, magnanimously.
'Ah, yes, your library. Some have dismissed those claims.' Valern replied, complete with air quotes.
'But not you?' I asked, smirking.
'I must admit to some reticence to actually believing it was also a library. But no. The information was reported by trustworthy subordinates, those that managed to escape.'
'How odd. My granddaughter hadn't informed me of that the active defenses were triggered.' I smiled back, enjoying the Salarian counselor's embarrassment.
'No, just the passive defenses.'
"Oh, no. Those weren't actually defenses. I just never had the chance to fix the VI controlling the PA system.' I graciously informed Valern.
'Ah. That's... good to know.' Valern replied in a tone which really did not seem to be pleased to know this new information at all.
'You wanted me here, and now you have me Valern, what do you want?'
Valern stared up at me as if wrestling with himself.
'You know as a sprogling I once dreamed that I would be the one to capture you.'
He laughed, mournfully.
'And now you have me at your mercy, no one on the citadel believes I'm alive. I'm alone and mostly unarmed inside your own office.'
'At my mercy? Hah! We both know that's not true. Your Javik would certainly have something to say about it. Not to mention Shepard. How did you accomplish that trick? Having two of them? As far as our operatives can tell the Shepard on earth is completely real as is the SR-2 docked on Earth. The only issue is, so are the ones roaming the greater Galaxy.'
'Ah, that's not my trick actually.' I admit as I suddenly recall this bit of trivia. 'The Illusive Man had her cloned. And then he just built a second ship.'
'Ah, yes, The Cerberus Organization. It was quite a surprise to see it dismantled so thoroughly, and the Illusive Man himself in protective custody with signs of being slowly turned into a husk no less... Horrifying.'
I blink. Right, Miranda had said that they'd caught him.
'As an aside, which one's the clone?' Valern asked, genuinely intrigued.
'Honestly I'm not sure it matters. The one on the Earth is the one that actually has the best chance of saving the galaxy, and the one roaming the galaxy is going to try and kill her for stealing her life. Or in order to steal her life? Not sure on that. Could be either one.'
'I see.'
Valern frowned.
'I'll have to see about putting safeguards into place.'
'No!' I shout desperately.
'What? Why not? If this second Shepard poses a threat to-'
I could already see the prize slipping away. Everything I'd ever worked for! Everything Wrex and I had been looking forward to!
Our Chance to have a gunfight with Shepard through the Normandy! Against Shepard!
'I can't explain why, but if you try and stop her then you will doom us all to the worst possible future, counselor.' I admitted, my voice pleading with Valern to see sense.
'You mean the-'
'Obviously!' I cut him off. After all, there really was only one possible future that could be called 'the worst,' and that was any future that resulted in Wrex and I not getting to fight together through the Normandy. Against Shepard! Or her Clone! Either would be fine!
'I see. We'll leave her to her tasks then. We don't need to assist her, I hope?'
'No, just don't put extra scrutiny on her and everything'll work out okay.'
I smiled, happy that we all could see eye to eye on this. And other Krogan thought that Salarians were so hard to get along with!
I mean, they were right, obviously. Very hard to get along with the people who perpetrated the genocide of your own.
Still, it was possible.
Since I knew I was going to get everything I wanted in the end.
Valern didn't need to know that though. He just needed the truth, without any of those pesky little details.
______
'With the Small talk out of the way you wanted to talk about the Empire?' I changed the subject.
'Yes. We would like you to stop.'
'Stop?'
'Creating a competing polity to the Citadel.'
'Ah. That.'
I paused, nodding as if that was the end of the discussion, because truthfully?
It was.
I hadn't built the Empire, Javik and his fanatical jellyfish legions had. Also his Fanatical Asari Legions. And I guess his not-so-fanatical pirate legions. Kalros only knew where on that scale the Krogan, Geth, and Quarian legions were gonna fall.
I almost shivered at the thought.
Almost.
I put on my best version of the expression Humans think is my 'serious face' and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
'Will you?'
'Will I what?'
'Stop creating a competing Polity to the Citadel. We really do think it would be for the best. It would allow us to prepare for the Reapers much more effectively.'
'How much Human history do you know, Valern?'
'Less than you, I suspect.'
'You're not from a race prone to large military build ups. Neither are the Asari. And the Turians are a weird outlier. They're like Krogans. Always at the maximum sustainable military build up for the available resources.'
'Yes.' Valern acknowleged, and then stopped in that thing that Salarians do that is meant to invite you to continue speaking. A form of Salarian politeness, both to you and those around them, in keeping the disruption of an ongoing lesson as minimal as possible in consideration for the teacher and other students.
It mostly came across as awkward silence for Krogans. Humans too I suspect.
Still, It was meant as an invitation to continue the lesson. So that's what I did.
'All the really big military build ups in Human history, and the history of other semi-militarized races like the Humans, and the Batarians too for that matter... They have one thing in common. They required competing polities of roughly equal strength.'
Valern blinked. His nictitating membrane slowly sliding across his eye before the full eyelid suddenly snapped shut and back open.
'The Asari just lost their Army and are now desperate to replace it. The Turians are already at Maximum Military Expenditure. The Salarians focus on intelligence gathering operations which will be of minimal opportunity at best in this war and could in some cases be actively harmful if you come across Reaper tech.'
'Your military build up is mostly set. I can't affect it all that much. But the Humans? The Batarians? The Hanar? The Volus? The Elcor? I can very much affect their military build up.'
'I see.' Valern winced. 'Then nothing we can do will dissuade you?'
'Not at this point in time. The Reapers are too close. There's nothing else that will work on such a short term. I can promise however that the only reason that Javik created the empire in the first was to control a giant war machine created and employed for the sole purpose of the wholesale eradication of the Reapers.'
'Yes. We are well aware that that is his purpose for the Empire.'
The 'And not yours' went unsaid.
I gave him another wry grin.
'There's an interesting Human. Lived about 400 of their years ago, give or take. A very Human human. Full of the potential for deeds great and ill in equal measure. He said, and let me try and see if I can do this from memory.'
'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.'
Valern frowned.
'I think we both understand each other's positions now, don't you, Counselor?'
'It appears so.'
Mutual understandings can be so much more satisfying than war. And so much more efficient.
______________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Chapter Title is from Epic: The Musical. It's a neat almost completely finished project where this one guy (Jorge Rivera-Herrans) decided to tell the voyages of Odysseus (not just the Odyssey, but bits from the Little Illiad as well) through the vehicle of a musical concept album; like Tommy by The Who, or Chess by the boys from ABBA (Bjorn and Benny), or Warriors by Lin-Manuel Miranda (and a metric shitload of famous rappers). Rivera-Herrans decided he wanted to make the project as epic as possible by cribbing liberally from all sorts moments and musical bits of movies and video games. I highly recommend it.
'Professor. Welcome, I hope it wasn't too much an inconvenience finding the place? You seem to have gotten lost enough that even STG lost track of you for a while.'
Yeah. Valern was still bitter about that, I suppose.
'I had to returns a few overdue library books.' I decided to explain, magnanimously.
'Ah, yes, your library. Some have dismissed those claims.' Valern replied, complete with air quotes.
'But not you?' I asked, smirking.
'I must admit to some reticence to actually believing it was also a library. But no. The information was reported by trustworthy subordinates, those that managed to escape.'
'How odd. My granddaughter hadn't informed me of that the active defenses were triggered.' I smiled back, enjoying the Salarian counselor's embarrassment.
'No, just the passive defenses.'
"Oh, no. Those weren't actually defenses. I just never had the chance to fix the VI controlling the PA system.' I graciously informed Valern.
'Ah. That's... good to know.' Valern replied in a tone which really did not seem to be pleased to know this new information at all.
'You wanted me here, and now you have me Valern, what do you want?'
Valern stared up at me as if wrestling with himself.
'You know as a sprogling I once dreamed that I would be the one to capture you.'
He laughed, mournfully.
'And now you have me at your mercy, no one on the citadel believes I'm alive. I'm alone and mostly unarmed inside your own office.'
'At my mercy? Hah! We both know that's not true. Your Javik would certainly have something to say about it. Not to mention Shepard. How did you accomplish that trick? Having two of them? As far as our operatives can tell the Shepard on earth is completely real as is the SR-2 docked on Earth. The only issue is, so are the ones roaming the greater Galaxy.'
'Ah, that's not my trick actually.' I admit as I suddenly recall this bit of trivia. 'The Illusive Man had her cloned. And then he just built a second ship.'
'Ah, yes, The Cerberus Organization. It was quite a surprise to see it dismantled so thoroughly, and the Illusive Man himself in protective custody with signs of being slowly turned into a husk no less... Horrifying.'
I blink. Right, Miranda had said that they'd caught him.
'As an aside, which one's the clone?' Valern asked, genuinely intrigued.
'Honestly I'm not sure it matters. The one on the Earth is the one that actually has the best chance of saving the galaxy, and the one roaming the galaxy is going to try and kill her for stealing her life. Or in order to steal her life? Not sure on that. Could be either one.'
'I see.'
Valern frowned.
'I'll have to see about putting safeguards into place.'
'No!' I shout desperately.
'What? Why not? If this second Shepard poses a threat to-'
I could already see the prize slipping away. Everything I'd ever worked for! Everything Wrex and I had been looking forward to!
Our Chance to have a gunfight with Shepard through the Normandy! Against Shepard!
'I can't explain why, but if you try and stop her then you will doom us all to the worst possible future, counselor.' I admitted, my voice pleading with Valern to see sense.
'You mean the-'
'Obviously!' I cut him off. After all, there really was only one possible future that could be called 'the worst,' and that was any future that resulted in Wrex and I not getting to fight together through the Normandy. Against Shepard! Or her Clone! Either would be fine!
'I see. We'll leave her to her tasks then. We don't need to assist her, I hope?'
'No, just don't put extra scrutiny on her and everything'll work out okay.'
I smiled, happy that we all could see eye to eye on this. And other Krogan thought that Salarians were so hard to get along with!
I mean, they were right, obviously. Very hard to get along with the people who perpetrated the genocide of your own.
Still, it was possible.
Since I knew I was going to get everything I wanted in the end.
Valern didn't need to know that though. He just needed the truth, without any of those pesky little details.
______
'With the Small talk out of the way you wanted to talk about the Empire?' I changed the subject.
'Yes. We would like you to stop.'
'Stop?'
'Creating a competing polity to the Citadel.'
'Ah. That.'
I paused, nodding as if that was the end of the discussion, because truthfully?
It was.
I hadn't built the Empire, Javik and his fanatical jellyfish legions had. Also his Fanatical Asari Legions. And I guess his not-so-fanatical pirate legions. Kalros only knew where on that scale the Krogan, Geth, and Quarian legions were gonna fall.
I almost shivered at the thought.
Almost.
I put on my best version of the expression Humans think is my 'serious face' and waited.
And waited.
And waited.
'Will you?'
'Will I what?'
'Stop creating a competing Polity to the Citadel. We really do think it would be for the best. It would allow us to prepare for the Reapers much more effectively.'
'How much Human history do you know, Valern?'
'Less than you, I suspect.'
'You're not from a race prone to large military build ups. Neither are the Asari. And the Turians are a weird outlier. They're like Krogans. Always at the maximum sustainable military build up for the available resources.'
'Yes.' Valern acknowleged, and then stopped in that thing that Salarians do that is meant to invite you to continue speaking. A form of Salarian politeness, both to you and those around them, in keeping the disruption of an ongoing lesson as minimal as possible in consideration for the teacher and other students.
It mostly came across as awkward silence for Krogans. Humans too I suspect.
Still, It was meant as an invitation to continue the lesson. So that's what I did.
'All the really big military build ups in Human history, and the history of other semi-militarized races like the Humans, and the Batarians too for that matter... They have one thing in common. They required competing polities of roughly equal strength.'
Valern blinked. His nictitating membrane slowly sliding across his eye before the full eyelid suddenly snapped shut and back open.
'The Asari just lost their Army and are now desperate to replace it. The Turians are already at Maximum Military Expenditure. The Salarians focus on intelligence gathering operations which will be of minimal opportunity at best in this war and could in some cases be actively harmful if you come across Reaper tech.'
'Your military build up is mostly set. I can't affect it all that much. But the Humans? The Batarians? The Hanar? The Volus? The Elcor? I can very much affect their military build up.'
'I see.' Valern winced. 'Then nothing we can do will dissuade you?'
'Not at this point in time. The Reapers are too close. There's nothing else that will work on such a short term. I can promise however that the only reason that Javik created the empire in the first was to control a giant war machine created and employed for the sole purpose of the wholesale eradication of the Reapers.'
'Yes. We are well aware that that is his purpose for the Empire.'
The 'And not yours' went unsaid.
I gave him another wry grin.
'There's an interesting Human. Lived about 400 of their years ago, give or take. A very Human human. Full of the potential for deeds great and ill in equal measure. He said, and let me try and see if I can do this from memory.'
'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.'
Valern frowned.
'I think we both understand each other's positions now, don't you, Counselor?'
'It appears so.'
Mutual understandings can be so much more satisfying than war. And so much more efficient.
______________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Chapter Title is from Epic: The Musical. It's a neat almost completely finished project where this one guy (Jorge Rivera-Herrans) decided to tell the voyages of Odysseus (not just the Odyssey, but bits from the Little Illiad as well) through the vehicle of a musical concept album; like Tommy by The Who, or Chess by the boys from ABBA (Bjorn and Benny), or Warriors by Lin-Manuel Miranda (and a metric shitload of famous rappers). Rivera-Herrans decided he wanted to make the project as epic as possible by cribbing liberally from all sorts moments and musical bits of movies and video games. I highly recommend it.
- Location
- Elsewhere
"So that hellish acoustic weapon?"
"The VI is fixated on trying to create its own Krogan Polka music."
People can understand that Javick is doing this to fight the Reapers and can respect it. Its Krell that they're afraid of because he's a wildcard and they know he's bullshit.
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
You wouldn't. I specifically wanted to invoke the concept of "consent of the governed." If I'm writing in English? That quote is the one that everyone immediately connects to that philosophical concept.
EDIT: This is what I was saying re: the Consent of the Governed.
Last edited:
Mirriam Grave
The Bemused. The Amused. The Unstable.
- Location
- The edge of a point.
...Valern is preparing to assassinate them all as soon as the Reapers are dealt with because he expects the Empire to wage war to destroy the current Unequal Government of the Citadel that constantly does its best to suppress the rights of everyone who isn't Asari, Salarian, or Turian.
Isn't he?
Seconded Epic is Great!
He's expecting military conflict, but I think he might be blindsided by cultural victory
CHAPTER 60: Assassin
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
CHAPTER 60: Assassin
'Die Shepard!'
Of the numerous assassination attempts by Batarians I have encountered over the years, this one was probably the dumbest.
As a Krogan with a set of shield emitters in my suit I was basically immune to the kind of tiny pistol the Batarian was using. He'd have to empty a clip for me to even notice.
But what made it worse is that if I really were Shepard in a complex costume made of power armor, I would be just as immune! More, probably!
I quickly strode over and grabbed the angry Batarian by wrapping my massive palm around his upper face and lifting.
'What was that?' I asked, calmly.
'Die, murderer!' the Batarian shouted, still firing and now kicking their legs fruitlessly in an effort to wriggle out ofmy grasp.
I shook the Batarian, gently.
'No. That wasn't it.' I chided. 'You called me a name. What did you call me?'
'Murderer! Monster! Wretch! Bitch!'
'Well, I suppose those are technically all names, but I meant the actual person name you called me.' I explained gently, lightly shaking the alien so that their gun fell from their grip as their limbs splayed out uncontrollably.
'Shepard? Murderer of Systems! The Butcher of Torfan! The greatest Criminal in the Galaxy!'
'I am not a human woman.' I explain, slowly.
'You won't fool me! I know your tricks! I saw the conference with Valern!'
I got one of the dumb ones. Clearly.
'Wait, are you still shooting at me?' I ask as something plinks off my shield.
'Die Shepard!' came the cry from my right.
I looked over.
Another Batarian with a useless pea shooter that couldn't even kill a Krogan child.
Mentally, I try and imagine Grunt even noticing it.
I fail.
That couldn't even inconvenience a Krogan child, then.
'What are you doing?'
'Killing you, monster!'
'Well it's definitely not that. You're not even bruising me.'
'Yes I am! You left your face open!'
'Ow. Stop that.' I order as my shield flares right in front of my eyes as the second Batarian shoots me in the face.'
'Victory!'
'It really isn't.' I protest.
'Kill him!' the Batarian I was shaking yelled.
'Him? Shepherd is a woman! I'm Nakmor Krell!'
'A clever disguise, Shepard! But your bickering with Valern betrayed you!' the assassin yelled, once again shooting.
'Stop that! You might hurt someone!' I protested.
'That's the idea!'
'What's going on here?' came a familiar human voice.
The C-Sec officer. Bailey.
'Oh. Shepard. Another assassination attempt? That's the 5th time this week!'
I blinked, recounting. These two idiots... I think they count as one. The balloon incident. That's two. The runaway hover carriage full of bombs would make three... Did I miss two?
'You know I'm not Shepard, Bailey.'
'Right! Forgot you're undercover! Well, gotta book these two for assaulting a Spectre and Interference with Spectre duties. And the whole gunfight and attempted assassination in the Praesidium.'
I pass him the disarmed Batarian to cuff, then reach over to the second Batarian-
'Are you still shooting me? C-Sec is right here!'
'My life is more than a worthy trade to take yours in return, Butcher of Torfan!'
'That's not me though. And you clearly can't get through my shields, so you're definitely not going to take my life either.'
'For the Bahak System!'
'I wasn't even on the ship when that happened!' I protest.
'Of course not! You were on the secret Alliance asteroid base you crashed into the Relay! You monster!'
'You survived that?' Bailey asked, shocked.
'That wasn't me!' I protest. 'It sounds like an incredibly cool war story but that was Shepard. I'm Nakmor Krell!'
'So are we all, all Nakmor Krell.' came the response from the crowd. A popular refrain that I'd been hearing pop up anytime someone yelled 'I'm Nakmor Krell!' on the citadel today.
'Even if you were the vicious terrorist Nakmor Krell, it would be worth it! But we know the Truth!'
'Just.... Just take them?' I gently slapped the second Batarian into unconsciousness and handed him off to Bailey.
'Right. Spectre Authority and all.'
'That's- No. I don't have Spectre Authority. I'm Nakmor Krell.'
'So are we all, all Nakmor Krell.' Came the refrain from the crowd, more than half laughing.
'You definitely aren't!' I shot back at the crowd. Verbally.
'Right. Undercover. I'll file it under assaulting a diplomat then. I'll make sure everyone knows who you really are.'
There was something seriously wrong with Bailey's eye. He kept opening and closing it in an exaggerated way-
'Wait. Are you... Winking at me?' I ask.
'Of course not. Just wanted to make sure you know we're all on the same page.'
We definitely weren't.
'Right. That's it. I'm done here. I don't have time for this nonsense. I'm heading back to Earth.' I decided.
'Oh! Have a good time back home, Shepard!'
Was Shepard from Earth? I should probably know that shouldn't I?
This was getting too awkward.
'I should... Go.' I replied, ending the encounter before jogging off.
The sooner I got back to Earth the better. At least they knew I wasn't Shepard!
_______________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Assassin by Muse has a real dangerous vibe to it but the lyrics are all about the collapse of a society causing assassins to be (metaphorically) born. And whose society just got a real destabilizing blow to it? Yeah.
Don't worry, The next arc isn't the Earth Arc. It's taking some things I used the Citadel arc to set up to their illogical conclusion instead. A No Prize to anyone who predicts it.
Edit: There have been edits.
'Die Shepard!'
Of the numerous assassination attempts by Batarians I have encountered over the years, this one was probably the dumbest.
As a Krogan with a set of shield emitters in my suit I was basically immune to the kind of tiny pistol the Batarian was using. He'd have to empty a clip for me to even notice.
But what made it worse is that if I really were Shepard in a complex costume made of power armor, I would be just as immune! More, probably!
I quickly strode over and grabbed the angry Batarian by wrapping my massive palm around his upper face and lifting.
'What was that?' I asked, calmly.
'Die, murderer!' the Batarian shouted, still firing and now kicking their legs fruitlessly in an effort to wriggle out ofmy grasp.
I shook the Batarian, gently.
'No. That wasn't it.' I chided. 'You called me a name. What did you call me?'
'Murderer! Monster! Wretch! Bitch!'
'Well, I suppose those are technically all names, but I meant the actual person name you called me.' I explained gently, lightly shaking the alien so that their gun fell from their grip as their limbs splayed out uncontrollably.
'Shepard? Murderer of Systems! The Butcher of Torfan! The greatest Criminal in the Galaxy!'
'I am not a human woman.' I explain, slowly.
'You won't fool me! I know your tricks! I saw the conference with Valern!'
I got one of the dumb ones. Clearly.
'Wait, are you still shooting at me?' I ask as something plinks off my shield.
'Die Shepard!' came the cry from my right.
I looked over.
Another Batarian with a useless pea shooter that couldn't even kill a Krogan child.
Mentally, I try and imagine Grunt even noticing it.
I fail.
That couldn't even inconvenience a Krogan child, then.
'What are you doing?'
'Killing you, monster!'
'Well it's definitely not that. You're not even bruising me.'
'Yes I am! You left your face open!'
'Ow. Stop that.' I order as my shield flares right in front of my eyes as the second Batarian shoots me in the face.'
'Victory!'
'It really isn't.' I protest.
'Kill him!' the Batarian I was shaking yelled.
'Him? Shepherd is a woman! I'm Nakmor Krell!'
'A clever disguise, Shepard! But your bickering with Valern betrayed you!' the assassin yelled, once again shooting.
'Stop that! You might hurt someone!' I protested.
'That's the idea!'
'What's going on here?' came a familiar human voice.
The C-Sec officer. Bailey.
'Oh. Shepard. Another assassination attempt? That's the 5th time this week!'
I blinked, recounting. These two idiots... I think they count as one. The balloon incident. That's two. The runaway hover carriage full of bombs would make three... Did I miss two?
'You know I'm not Shepard, Bailey.'
'Right! Forgot you're undercover! Well, gotta book these two for assaulting a Spectre and Interference with Spectre duties. And the whole gunfight and attempted assassination in the Praesidium.'
I pass him the disarmed Batarian to cuff, then reach over to the second Batarian-
'Are you still shooting me? C-Sec is right here!'
'My life is more than a worthy trade to take yours in return, Butcher of Torfan!'
'That's not me though. And you clearly can't get through my shields, so you're definitely not going to take my life either.'
'For the Bahak System!'
'I wasn't even on the ship when that happened!' I protest.
'Of course not! You were on the secret Alliance asteroid base you crashed into the Relay! You monster!'
'You survived that?' Bailey asked, shocked.
'That wasn't me!' I protest. 'It sounds like an incredibly cool war story but that was Shepard. I'm Nakmor Krell!'
'So are we all, all Nakmor Krell.' came the response from the crowd. A popular refrain that I'd been hearing pop up anytime someone yelled 'I'm Nakmor Krell!' on the citadel today.
'Even if you were the vicious terrorist Nakmor Krell, it would be worth it! But we know the Truth!'
'Just.... Just take them?' I gently slapped the second Batarian into unconsciousness and handed him off to Bailey.
'Right. Spectre Authority and all.'
'That's- No. I don't have Spectre Authority. I'm Nakmor Krell.'
'So are we all, all Nakmor Krell.' Came the refrain from the crowd, more than half laughing.
'You definitely aren't!' I shot back at the crowd. Verbally.
'Right. Undercover. I'll file it under assaulting a diplomat then. I'll make sure everyone knows who you really are.'
There was something seriously wrong with Bailey's eye. He kept opening and closing it in an exaggerated way-
'Wait. Are you... Winking at me?' I ask.
'Of course not. Just wanted to make sure you know we're all on the same page.'
We definitely weren't.
'Right. That's it. I'm done here. I don't have time for this nonsense. I'm heading back to Earth.' I decided.
'Oh! Have a good time back home, Shepard!'
Was Shepard from Earth? I should probably know that shouldn't I?
This was getting too awkward.
'I should... Go.' I replied, ending the encounter before jogging off.
The sooner I got back to Earth the better. At least they knew I wasn't Shepard!
_______________________
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Assassin by Muse has a real dangerous vibe to it but the lyrics are all about the collapse of a society causing assassins to be (metaphorically) born. And whose society just got a real destabilizing blow to it? Yeah.
Don't worry, The next arc isn't the Earth Arc. It's taking some things I used the Citadel arc to set up to their illogical conclusion instead. A No Prize to anyone who predicts it.
Edit: There have been edits.
Last edited:
- Location
- My happy place
Did this turn into crack at some point when I wasn't looking?
Stratagemini
Totally a Fire Ferret.
- Location
- Central Park
- Pronouns
- He/Him/They/Them
Is it the continuation of the spartacus joke? I wasn't certain whether that would push it a little too far or not.
- Location
- My happy place
Yeah, mostly. Like I know it's tagged comedy or humor. But this is too crazy.