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This Weightless Fall (Pokémon SI)

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4 - Incandescent memories
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    • Thanks for your patience, everyone. I'd hoped to have this done about three weeks ago, but life got in the way. Between a trip to Chicago for Combo Breaker (I was briefly on stream playing Granblue Fantasy Versus Rising, just long enough to get bopped by a Lowain. Again.) and moving into a new apartment, I haven't been able to write nearly as much as I'd like.

    That said, I do have a double update for you today. Enjoy.

    By the time Umbreon and the pups make their way back, Leafeon and I are once again sequestered comfortably in the den, sharing a companionable silence. I'm still a little tired even with how long I slept last night, so having a lie-down was about all I wanted to do after we got our conversation out of the way.

    Before the trio can make their way into the tree hollow, Leafeon whispers to me. "Could you keep the pups occupied for a few minutes while I catch mercy of tooth and claw up on what you told me?"

    I give a shallow nod, but have one clarifying question. "Is there anything about my situation that you wouldn't want me to say? I figure they'll probably be curious and start asking questions."

    "Feel free to tell them whatever you're comfortable with," she says before she gets to her paws.

    That's fair enough, I suppose, though not exactly the answer I'd been hoping to hear. I've never felt like I was bad with kids or anything, I just don't really know any way to approach them that I feel completely comfortable with. Having some kind of guideline to fall back on would help me feel a little more confident. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear.

    I watch idly as Leafeon greets her family when they come in. Before long, she's saying, "I need to talk to Papa for a little while. Why don't you two go say hi to Zoroark?"

    The two Eevee look at me, then back at each other.

    "She kinda looks scary now," one whispers.

    "Nuh-uh! She's not scary!" hisses the other.

    "I am a ghost," I chime in, "so I probably am a little scary-looking."

    "See?" says the first one—I think this is sunbeam. "She thinks I'm right!"

    "Nuh-uh!" whines the other, who would be flicker. "You're not scary," she says, pointing at me with a paw. "You're fluffy!"

    I hum exaggeratedly, screwing up my face as though I'm thinking about something very serious. I reach up and pat my mane a few times. It is really fluffy. "You know," I say, "I can't argue with that. I guess I'm not scary after all."

    "See?" Flicker looks back at her brother triumphantly. "Told you she's not scary." She runs over and jumps on top of me again, once again going straight for my mane. I'm a little annoyed this time, but I don't really mind enough to pull her off of me, at least not yet.

    Sunbeam follows more reluctantly. "I guess," he mopes. "Sorry I called you scary, Zoroark. I don't think you're really scary. Just a little bit."

    I smile back at him. "It's okay. I don't mind being a little scary. I like the way I look now."

    Flicker pauses her fidgeting in my mane to ask a question. "Did you used to not like the way you looked before you evolved?"

    The smile drops off of my face slowly. I'd kind of hoped that the conversation wouldn't go this way this quickly, but if the decision's left up to me, I don't want to hide it. Not now. Maybe not ever; I don't know yet. "Well," I begin, "I told you that I'm a ghost. I didn't just mean that I'm a Ghost-type Pokémon. I wasn't a Zoroark until yesterday, or even a Zorua."

    "Whoa," flicker breathes. "What kind of Pokémon were you?"

    "What happened yesterday?" sunbeam chimes in. He's looking at me with absolute fascination.

    "I actually wasn't a Pokémon. I was a human. What happened yesterday, well," I pause and swallow past a sudden lump in my throat. "I died. Then I came back, and I was a Zoroark. Your mama found me right after that."

    Nobody speaks for a few seconds. I can feel flicker shifting around in my mane, and she reaches a paw out to pat me on the head.

    "That's sad," sunbeam says, his voice low.

    "It is," I agree, just as quietly.

    "Do humans always turn into Pokémon when they die?" flicker wonders.

    I shake my head. "I don't think so. As far as I know, it doesn't happen very much."

    "You must be super special, then!" she exclaims.

    Is there something special about me that made my spirit linger as a Pokémon? Maybe whatever pulled me from my world counts. Honestly, though, I find it a little hard to believe that I was anything more than unlucky. It seems far more likely to me that I was just a victim of circumstance that happened to meet the right conditions.

    But that's not the kind of thing I want to say to a young Eevee. "I guess I must be," I say instead. I even mean it, at least a little bit. Being a Pokémon who used to be human sounds pretty special to me.

    "What was being a human like?" sunbeam asks. "Whenever mama and papa talk about humans, they sound kinda weird."

    I hum, grateful that they aren't focusing much on my death. I would talk about it if asked, but…if I don't have to right now, I'd rather not.

    "Well," I begin, "that's kind of a hard question."

    "What's so hard about it?" whines the Eevee, his ears visibly drooping in disappointment. "You were a human for a long time, right? I bet you know everything about them!"

    I feel the corners of my mouth twitch in amusement. That's adorable. "What's hard about it…" I muse before falling silent. After a moment's thought, I figure out a way to explain it. "Can you tell me what it's like to be an Eevee?"

    Sunbeam just blinks at me for a moment before tilting his head in confusion at the sudden change in topic. "Um, okay. I can try, but…it's just kinda normal, y'know?"

    Flicker doesn't speak up, but I can feel her shifting around, probably seconding her brother's sentiments.

    I nod back. "Yep. It's hard to figure out how to tell you exactly what being a human was like, because for me, it was just normal. I didn't think about it."

    I wait a moment to let that sink in, and hear a soft 'Oh!' from behind my head. I guess flicker managed to get it first.

    "One thing I can definitely tell you, though, is that a human's sense of smell is way worse than a Zoroark's. Unless a scent is strong, a human usually has to be pretty close to something to smell it," I continue.

    "But how could you tell where anything was if you couldn't smell it?" flicker asks, aghast.

    "I had to use my eyes, or just remember where I'd last seen it," I tell her. "I wasn't always very good at either of those. What else can I say…" I tap a claw on the wood floor as I consider the topic. Ah, here's something. "I can say that working together is really important for humans. Most humans live in cities with a lot of other humans, and things in those cities work because everyone there has their own part to play in making things go. Humans can get lonely pretty easily, too, so it's good for them to live around more humans. That way, they can make enough friends that they won't get lonely."

    It's about then that Leafeon and Umbreon make their way back over to us. The Eevee immediately lose interest in me and run over to get under their mother's paws, chattering away about how cool and weird humans must be.

    Umbreon catches my attention before I can catch too much of that exchange. "Shade of the old oak caught me up on everything. I…" he chokes up a little bit, but continues gamely on. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday again. That was the last thing you needed."

    "I still think it was my fault as much as yours. I could have spoken up and tried to stop you at any time. I won't hold it against you." I keep my reply soft so as to keep from drawing the Eevees' attention again.

    There's a bit of hesitation in his eyes, but he just nods. "Okay. Still, is there any way I can make it up to you?"

    "I don't think there's anything to make up," I protest. "Like I said, I won't hold it against you." Any further argument dies with a sigh as I see his expression shift to an obstinate glare. "Alright. You could help me dig the grave for my old body, if you feel like you need to do something. Does that work?"

    Umbreon nods again. "Of course. When were you hoping to get that done?"

    I hadn't really thought that far ahead, but 'as soon as possible' sounds nice, I decide. No sense in putting it off any longer than I have to. I quickly assess how I'm feeling. Still just a tiny bit sore from yesterday, as it turns out, but other than that, I'm more or less recovered. That's unexpected. I got pretty banged up and worn out, and all it took was a handful of berries, a night's sleep, and a restful morning to get me back to strength? Maybe Pokémon just heal fast.

    "Do you think there'd be time to get it done today? I don't want to put it off," I tell Umbreon after clearing myself.

    "I don't see why not."

    - - - -​

    Digging a grave is hard, monotonous work. Even with help, it's a solid few hours of just moving dirt before we have a hole wide enough and deep enough to work as a proper grave. I don't complain about it, and neither do Leafeon or Umbreon.

    Even so, they both take breaks, swapping out to mind the pups at regular intervals. I just keep digging, the haze in my mind growing thicker amidst the repetition. I probably should take breaks myself—working as hard as I am without stopping can't be good for me—but I can't stop. I can't leave this half-done, not even temporarily. Something deep within me won't allow it.

    I'm so caught up in the task that I only realize someone is trying to get my attention after a clod of dirt hits me in the side of the head. The impact shatters my trance. I stop working for the first time since I started and abruptly realize that the dirt near me is scored with savage slash marks, as though I've been attacking it rather than actually digging. Distantly, I note a faint ache at the bases of my claws.

    "This should be big enough," Umbreon tells me. My head turns towards him at the sound of his voice. Once he sees that I'm looking, he dips his head to indicate the hole I'm standing in. "Too much longer and it'll be dark by the time we finish. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not be working on this that late."

    I blink, unable to find my voice just yet. The haze within me is too thick to speak through. It's almost as though I'm choking on it, except I'm breathing clearly. I look up at the sky, searching for the sun. When I spot it, I realize that Umbreon's right. I can't help but agree that it would be best not to be working late into the night. I'd quite prefer to get a full night's sleep, and the part of me that's been driving me forward on this wants the task done as soon as it can be.

    I look back down at the hole I've been digging to find that I'm several feet deep in the dirt. Its length and width are enough to fit my old body, I judge after a quick comparison. Yes, this is enough.

    As the haze begins to thin, I become aware of my muscles protesting the work I've put them through today. Despite the fatigue, though, I keep moving. A quick hop out of the grave and a short walk later, I'm once more faced with the lifeless shell that used to be me. I bow my head, and no tears come. Not this time.

    The ease with which I lift my corpse surprises me somewhat. I never thought I was truly out of shape in my old life, but to carry something my own size would certainly have strained me. Now, though, even tired, I feel as if I could manage quite a bit more than this.

    I take the greatest of care as I carry my corpse to the grave. I know I can't hurt it, can't hurt myself by dropping or jostling it. Yet, it feels wrong to move without caution. With each slow step, my eyes remain fixed firmly on the path in front of me, even as they feel drawn to my old face. My mane, however, has a mind of its own. In the edge of my vision I can see the floating strands move to surround my former self, as though to keep it safe from some unknown threat.

    I feel as though I'm holding my old body for an eternity, though I know it can't be more than a minute or two. Its cold, still form has no comfort to give. Something hollow in me, hidden deep in the haze, finds comfort in its touch anyways. It's this hollowness, this bitter pain that has convinced me I need to find a way to break from my old self. If I let that rule me, I'll grow too attached to the past to move on. I can't do that to myself. I don't want to do that to myself.

    I step down into the grave. I lower the body onto the soil and take one last, long look at the face I used to wear in the life I can no longer live.

    I need to let it go.

    So at last, I pull away despite the haze beckoning, and I lift myself out of the grave to begin the process of burying the person I used to be.

    Shifting the dirt back into the grave is a quicker and easier task than digging the hole in the first place was, as it turns out. The first hint of sunset is on the horizon when the last of the dirt is replaced, leaving a bare mound in the middle of a patch of thick grass. I give a brief thought to finding a grave marker, but dismiss it. There's no one else here who would know my old life well enough to properly mourn, and with the decision left up to me I honestly think I might prefer to just let nature reclaim the earth.

    I kneel next to the grave—my grave—and I lightly place a hand on the soil. Quietly, so quietly that I can barely hear my own words, I murmur a farewell to the person I had been. As I say my old name for what may be the last time, a light breeze picks up. I imagine the wind taking the last of what holds me to the past, and carrying it away with my name.

    I know it's not that easy. I've learned the hard way that mourning may never truly end. Even so, I can feel my spirits lifting, just a little. Just enough.

    I told Leafeon that I believe every ending leads to a beginning. My ending came abruptly, but now it's passed. What comes next is Zoroark's beginning. I don't really have any idea what that beginning is going to lead to. I think I'm looking forward to finding out.

    - - - -​

    Once we've left the gravesite, I can feel the energy that had been sustaining me so far drain from my body. I don't know how much of a workout that dig would be for most Pokémon, or if something could have been done to make it faster, but the way I did it took a lot out of me. Maybe my stamina just isn't the best yet. I haven't been a Zoroark for long, after all. It certainly doesn't help that I haven't eaten anything since my conversation with Leafeon earlier today. I was too focused on the task to realize.

    So, when I catch a whiff of something unfamiliar that my brain automatically categorizes as 'food', I'm tired and hungry enough that I split off to follow the scent before I realize what I'm doing. Once I do notice, I'm not terribly worried about getting lost; I know that I ought to be able to retrace my own steps without much trouble. Given that they didn't speak up to stop me, I assume that Umbreon and Leafeon aren't concerned either. I don't really see a reason to stop following the scent once I think about it, because, well. I would like to eat.

    I move steadily between the trees, gradually closing in on the source of the scent. As it grows clearer and clearer, the underbrush thickens, and I find myself moving more carefully to minimize noise. Some instinct prods at me to take another precaution. At its urging, I reach for the wellspring of power within me that I tapped into yesterday for battle techniques. With an application of will, I twist that power into a simple pattern and project it outwards. A veil of illusion settles over me. It's not anything complex or draining, that instinctive knowledge supplies, just a basic trick to hide me from sight and not much else.

    My eyes flit from place to place, searching for movement in the foliage. I lower myself to all fours to spread out my weight, further reducing the noise of my footfalls. The unfamiliar scent fills my nose, and my ears begin to swivel, seeking any errant sound. Every muscle in my body tenses with anticipation. Then, I see a hint of movement accompanied by a rustle of leaves. My head snaps to face it as the movement stops. My world narrows until nothing exists but me and my target. I creep closer…closer…

    There's another flash of movement, and before I can think, I react. My legs, already bunched beneath me, uncoil. I shoot forward, reaching with claws and fangs. My teeth sink into something soft and warm and struggling with a deeply satisfying resistance. After a jerk of my neck, I hear a crackling crunch as it falls still in my jaws. A jubilant thrill shoots down my spine.

    It's then that my awareness properly catches up with what I've been doing.

    I just hunted something down and snapped its neck with my teeth.

    The sense of triumph gradually fades as I begin to process what just happened. If I were trying to cling to my former humanity, I realize, this would certainly be a rude shock. Honestly, it still sort of is a shock, if only because I was operating almost entirely on autopilot the whole time. I already knew that becoming a Pokémon means I have a lot of changes to get used to. Or, at least, I thought I did. Because somehow, I hadn't quite realized that it meant this.

    I remove the carcass from my mouth to get a proper look at it. It's a mundane rabbit, like I would have seen before. I'm a little relieved. I hadn't realized that regular animals would exist alongside Pokémon, but I'm sort of glad that this is how I found out. I don't think I'd be okay with killing and eating other Pokémon. Not so soon, at least. For all I know, it's a normal thing. Thankfully, I don't have to open that can of worms just yet. I have enough to cope with as it is.

    That said, existential crises large or small can wait until after I've eaten. I'm still hungry, and I already went to the trouble of hunting this rabbit down, even if I didn't fully understand I was doing it. I might as well get this over with.

    My teeth don't cleanly tear through the skin and flesh, and I have to gnaw at the carcass to separate a hunk that I can actually swallow. More bones crunch and snap under the force. I could meticulously pick the shards out with my claws, but that seems like entirely too much trouble to go through when I'm hungry and there's food right in front of me, so I instead resign myself to eating fragments of bone. I'm sure it won't be a problem. Probably.

    There's a metallic richness to the meat that I never tasted in my previous life. I wasn't interested in eating raw meat before, but I suppose that with a different body comes a different palate. I consider my memory of cooked meat. Comparing it to what I'm eating now, I can't say I'm interested in going back.

    I eat around the skeleton as much as I can, but as I expected, it's more or less shattered by the time I've managed to get to the soft organs inside. I can't entirely avoid eating a little bit of bone here and there. One of these fragments carries with it a delicious savory flavor distinct from the meat, which prompts me to examine the bones more closely. I spot a thicker bone cracked such that the marrow is exposed. Was that what that was? Crunching the bone in my teeth to get at the innards confirms that yes, that taste was marrow, and I'd love more of it.

    By the time I'm satisfied, I've picked the carcass mostly clean, marrow and all. The rabbit was a bit small, sure, but I still must have been hungrier than I realized. I lick at my muzzle to clean any blood that might be clinging to my fur as I decide what to do with the remains. My memories of camping as a child tell me that I should dispose of it cleanly. After a moment, I discard that thought. The rules I learned then were all designed to avoid attracting dangerous animals to a campsite. If anything, I'd be the kind of thing those rules would protect against, now. I suppose I should just leave it for any scavengers, then. There's not enough for me to consider saving, and there's no reason to deny what little is left to any that might want it.

    I leave the remainder of the rabbit's carcass by the wayside and begin to retrace my steps. Once I'm certain of where I am, I decide that I may as well make one more detour, given that I've already gone off on my own. I remember my way to the lake well enough, and it's not long before I've slaked my thirst.

    By the time I start navigating back to Umbreon and Leafeon's den, the sun has fallen entirely behind the horizon. The stars and moon provide more than enough light for me to navigate by. In fact, I can see quite clearly, though the colors around me look a little strange. It's a pleasant surprise, and another change from my old human senses.

    As much as I've been trying to take things in stride, now that I've got time to just think, I find myself a little disconcerted by how different I am as a Zoroark. I'd only just grown comfortable with who I was when I died. I'd settled into a state of being that I was happy with, and now I've been forced so far away from that so quickly. I don't mind the new me so far, I honestly don't. But even if I don't mind the change, it's still such a shift. The more obvious things—a different way of moving, the powers all Pokémon can use, different senses—those are easier to process. It's the deeper ways I've changed that throw me off.

    It's how I started hunting that rabbit, knowing what to do without consciously deciding to do it. The fact that, when left to my own devices while digging my grave, I worked myself into a trance and started lashing out. The suffocating haze that keeps rising in my mind, and the way it took hold of me yesterday.

    I've gone through drastic changes before. But those happened gradually, over years. I had to put a lot of effort into those changes. I knew what I was aiming for, and everything happened slowly enough that I could get used to it before the process was finished.

    More than that, though, I had made a choice. This time, I didn't get the chance to choose. I've just been thrown straight into the deep end and forced to deal with it.

    To my relief, I reach the den before I can fully fall into another downward spiral. The warm greetings from Leafeon and Umbreon and the eager tackles from the Eevee keep the depression from sinking its teeth into me. It's the one cure I found in the years of my old life. Even the worst, most persistent thoughts struggle to find purchase when you're made to feel wanted.

    Part of me still shies away from intruding upon the family's space for the night, but it doesn't take much prodding from Leafeon before I agree to sleep cuddled up to them again. Reluctant as I may be, I can't deny that the company will be good for me, and I'd rather not go back to being someone who won't let herself have good things.

    I curl up on the floor of the den as I had last night. This time, both Eevee immediately find their way into my mane as their parents settle together in front of me.

    "See, I told you this was super comfy," I hear one of the pups whisper from out of sight.

    Not so long ago, I would have told them off and gotten them to promise to ask for permission before climbing all over me. Now, though…I can't bring myself to say anything. Part of it is just that it's nice to feel wanted, even for such a small reason. Mostly, though, it's that deep instinct that tells me this is right that I noticed last night. It's comforting. I don't want to give myself even a chance to push that away.

    Once again, I let the soft breathing of the Pokémon around me lull me to a peaceful sleep. I could definitely get used to this.

    - - - -​

    The next day, I've finally managed to find it in myself to just relax, for the first time since waking up in this new world. I've put things to rest as best I can for now. While I wouldn't say there's nothing hanging over me, I know there's no deadline. I can just take it at my own pace. There's nothing pressuring me into making a decision, no suspicion that I should have already figured out what to do with myself. It's freeing.

    I wish it wasn't such an unfamiliar feeling.

    I've been spending most of my day so far on the lake's shore. I've always loved watching water, whether it's lakes, creeks, rivers, or falls. There's something soothing about the way it shifts and sparkles in the sunlight, revealing new facets with every ripple.

    When I hear something begin to approach from behind, the only acknowledgement I give is the turn of an ear. Hints of Umbreon's scent reach my nose not long after. He doesn't say anything for a while. He just sits down on the grass next to me, gazing out at the water.

    I'm sure this is a sight he's seen hundreds of times, just as I had the lake near my family's house. I wonder if it gets old for him, or if like me he never tires of it. Maybe he's just not usually the type to appreciate this sort of thing. I consider asking him, but decide that I'd rather just share the moment in silence for now.

    l hear Umbreon take a purposeful breath before letting it out, as though he's second-guessing what he wants to say. A few more moments pass before he takes another breath, but once more he doesn't speak. Is he nervous about talking to me? Maybe I could break the ice.

    "I grew up in a place that was sometimes called a land of ten thousand lakes," I say quietly. "I thought they were beautiful when I was young, and I think I only came to appreciate them more as I got older. It's one of the things I'm glad I never lost as I grew up."

    Silence falls once again. I glance over to see the dark-type deep in thought. Fine by me. I don't mind sitting here and watching the lake for a little while longer.

    "Do you miss it?" Umbreon asks at length. "Any of it. Your old home, your old life." He takes another steadying breath, then continues more quietly, "Being human."

    I could just say yes, but with how much he's struggled to say anything, I don't want to give him a halfhearted answer. I consider each thing he's named.

    "I think I miss some of it," I begin to think aloud. "I miss my friends and my family. I wish I could have at least said goodbye. I'm also worried about some of them. A few of my friends didn't have as many people to rely on as they should, and I meant a lot to them. I don't really miss the place I was living, or my family home, though I do miss some of the cities I've lived in. They could be lovely places, if you knew how to look at them.

    "My old life had a lot of pain in it. But I do miss it. I think I would have been happy with it, after a little while longer. I was finally starting to go in a direction I liked. As for being human…" I trail off there. I know the answer to that question, though there's a part of me that doesn't quite want to voice it. Some might take it as a betrayal. I don't see it that way. It's just that if I say it out loud, it'll feel more real. I'll have to admit it to myself.

    I shake my head. This is real. Hiding from it won't do me any good. "I don't think I miss being human at all," I finish.

    I let my attention wander back to the lake while Umbreon processes what I had to say. It's still hard for me to think about everything I lost when I died, but I was right yesterday. Holding a small, makeshift funeral for my old self helped some. It wasn't some magic fix, of course. I don't expect to be over it anytime soon, if ever. Still, even a little peace is enough for now.

    "Is there anything I can do to help?"

    I don't even have to think about the answer this time. "You already are."

    "What do you mean? I haven't really done anything."

    Well, that's not entirely true, I don't say. He did help with the grave yesterday. What I do say is, "Right now, it's enough to have someone be there for me. You and shade of the old oak, flicker and sunbeam are all helping me just by making sure I don't have to be alone."

    I look over to Umbreon again to see doubt written across his face. "Listen," I continue, and he focuses back on me. "If I can think of anything else, I'll let you know. But I mean it when I say that just being there is plenty of help."

    "I—" he begins, but immediately cuts himself off with a sigh. "Okay." He doesn't quite look like he believes me. With another sigh, he shakes off his uncertainty. "I did come over here to tell you something else, actually. I saw a human approaching your grave a little bit ago. I wasn't sure how you'd feel about that, so I chased it off."

    Huh. I really didn't expect that. I guess it would make sense that a human would find my grave eventually, but so soon after I died? That seems a little strange. Are they somehow here specifically because of me?

    "I don't think I really mind humans around my grave, unless one starts digging it up," I tell Umbreon while turning all of that over in my head. "Thank you for thinking of me, though."

    I look back out at the lake one more time, but my mind is fixed on the presence of a human so close. I don't think I'm going to be able to get back to relaxing like I had been. I sigh and shake my head as I pull myself back to my feet. "I'm going to go looking for that human, I think. I'm a little curious about what they're doing here."

    Umbreon looks doubtful, but doesn't voice any dissent. He just wishes me good luck before I make my way back into the woods.

    It doesn't take long at all for me to get back to my grave. When I near the mound of dirt that denotes my old body's resting place, I breathe deeply and focus on the scents I can pick up. If that human was here recently, I figure there's a chance that their scent might still linger.

    Sure enough, I catch a hint of something new, yet somehow faintly familiar. Hints of sweat and musk accent that new scent, which I figure must belong to the human that showed up. Honestly, even if I'm wrong, it's not that big of a deal. Tracking them down is just something to do to satisfy idle curiosity.

    I fix that scent in my memory and begin to cast around before finding the direction I have to assume its source went. This time, tracking the scent proves a little more difficult. It's not as clear in my nose as the rabbit's scent was yesterday, and I find myself losing the trail once or twice. I suppose it makes sense that I wouldn't immediately be a perfect scent tracker, even if I do somehow innately understand the basics.

    After a few minutes of tracking, I hear a noise from ahead that seems somehow out of place. I freeze immediately, save for my ears, which swivel to better catch further noises. There's definitely something moving over there. It might even be the human.

    I can't see it through the foliage, not yet at least. I start to move again, this time more cautiously. I'm not fully concerned about hiding myself, but I don't feel like drawing attention just yet. Being quiet is enough for the time being.

    Sure enough, it isn't long before a human figure comes into view between tree trunks. They're dressed in a high-collared red vest, with sturdy boots of the same color. I don't think they've noticed me just yet. I almost call out a greeting, but at the last moment I remember one more thing about being a Pokémon that hadn't sunk in yet: humans won't be able to understand me.

    I didn't expect that realization to hurt. I was being truthful when I told Umbreon I don't miss being human, but…I guess that just like I realized yesterday, I still don't fully understand what it means to be a Pokémon instead of a human. I watch them go about their business for a little while longer, transfixed by the lost possibility of interactions I'd taken for granted. Eventually, I tear myself away.

    I still have a lot to learn about the new life I've been given, I realize through a numbing layer of haze. I won't learn what I need to learn if I just follow humans around like a lost puppy. Giving the human one final glance, I put them behind me. I think I should get back to the lakeside where I left Umbreon. A bit more relaxing would do me good right now.
     
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    • Interlude - Words were not enough
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    • After a week spent investigating the forest east of Rustboro, Paul found himself back in the West Hoenn Ranger HQ. More specifically, he was shifting back and forth on his feet in the Head Ranger's office, waiting for her to hit a stopping point in her paperwork so he could make his report.

    Paul really hated this part of his job.

    Finally, Head Ranger Lana put down the last form and fixed her full attention on him. She tilted her head, signaling for him to begin.

    Welp, no sense in softening the blow, Paul figured. "Got some bad news, boss."

    "Hit me."

    "I searched for any traces of humans living in or moving through the area, but I got nothing."

    "Were the readings wrong? I've never heard of that happening."

    "Lemme finish, boss. What I did find was what looked like a fresh, unmarked grave, 'bout the right size for a human body. I tried taking a closer look, but an Umbreon warned me off before I could get anything more. There were recent signs of battle nearby, so I decided not to chance it and backed off."

    "Is it your conclusion that our Faller's dead, then?"

    "Seems that way, boss."

    Lana let out a heavy sigh. "Alright. Anything else that came up during your survey, Ranger?"

    "Yeah, uh, there was one thing." Paul started digging in his satchel, before coming up with the data drive from a standard-issue field camera. He set it down on Lana's desk with a firm click. "Saw a Pokémon I didn't recognize out there. I caught sight of it observing me once, but it didn't do anything, and I think it lost interest in me after that. At a guess, it seemed like a Ghost-type. I managed to get some photos and video from a distance before my survey was up."

    Left unsaid, but understood by both parties, was that if Paul didn't recognize it, it was a species not native to Hoenn.

    "I'll look over the footage and see if it's anything we have to worry about," Lana stated, sliding the data drive towards her with two fingers. She looked Paul in the eyes and gave him an encouraging nod. "Good work, Ranger."

    Paul gave a lazy salute and turned on his heel, but before he could leave the office, Lana spoke up one more time.

    "And Paul?"

    He turned his head, one hand holding the door open. "Yeah?"

    "Don't beat yourself up about it. You couldn't have done anything more."

    A complicated series of expressions slid across Paul's face before he looked away. "S'pose so. At least they probably didn't die alone."

    Without waiting for Lana's reply, he slipped the rest of the way through the door, leaving only the soft noise of it falling closed.

    Lana let out another heavy sigh, bowing her head over her desk. "Damn it," she breathed. "I actually had someone Fall on my watch, and I lost them."

    The responsibility of the Ranger Corps in monitoring the wilds for the space-time fluctuations that resulted whenever a Faller appeared wasn't commonly known. Even among people aware of the presence of Fallers—individuals displaced in space and time, which happened quite rarely—there wasn't really a lot of thought given to what happens right after someone actually Falls.

    When she was inducted into the Ranger Corps in Unova, Lana's mentor had been a Faller. He never talked much about his life from before, but he did say that he'd become a Ranger because he wanted the chance to pay forward the kindness that he'd been shown when he Fell. After being installed as West Hoenn Head Ranger, Lana had hoped she might be able to do that for him.

    And now, a Faller had died in her range.

    Shaking her head, she tried to take her own advice to Paul. If he hadn't made it in time, then there was nothing she could have reasonably done. The Ranger Corps had a lot of responsibilities, and they couldn't compromise any of their other duties just to get to one person a day or two sooner. No matter how much it stung to admit it.

    Lana fingered the data drive, then decided that the rest of her paperwork could wait. She might as well distract herself by trying to identify whatever this strange Pokémon was. Odds were good that it wasn't anything that would require Ranger attention, but there was no sense in putting it off in case it was.

    The data drive was quickly slotted into her computer, and she twirled a stray lock of her red hair around a finger while she waited for the footage to load. Clicking through the first few pictures, she rubbed her nose and sat up straight.

    "Is that a variant Zoroark?" she muttered to herself. "I've never heard of there being any Zoroark besides the Dark-type ones…"

    Resizing the image viewer on her screen, she brought up the global Ranger database next to it. Sure enough, there was an entry on variant Zoroark with an image matching her mystery Pokémon: Normal-Ghost typing, native to Sinnoh. Severely endangered. Engagement guidelines: do not approach.

    "Huh." Lana rested her chin on a fist as she considered the entry. That wasn't a combination of labels you saw often. Usually, any Pokémon species marked as 'severely endangered' had a set of basic guidelines for interaction geared towards helping maintain population stability. But a flat 'do not approach?' That was strange.

    There was an expert on the subspecies listed in the database entry; North Sinnoh Head Ranger Raleigh. Glancing at the clock, Lana took a moment to remember the time difference between Hoenn and Sinnoh. A call shouldn't be too poorly timed, she judged.

    Dialing the listed number on her phone with one hand, she continued scrolling through the pictures with the other. The phone rang once, twice, then got picked up.

    "Head Ranger Raleigh speaking," came a scratchy, vaguely feminine voice.

    "Yeah, hi, this is West Hoenn Head Ranger Lana. I had a Ranger out on a survey spot a variant Zoroark recently, and I wanted to ask you a few questions about the subspecies."

    There was a pause. Lana took the time to flip through the last of the pictures and start in on the video clips Paul had shot.

    "I'm sorry," said Raleigh finally, "but you're saying that your Ranger spotted a variant Zoroark in Hoenn? In the wild?"

    "...Yes? I mean, I've heard of trainers catching endangered Pokémon and thoughtlessly releasing them in the wrong regions. I figured that'd be the most likely explanation."

    Raleigh's answer came with a humorless laugh. "Not with variant Zoroark. League records show exactly two registered captures of variant Zorua or Zoroark in the last thirty years. Generally speaking, they do not like humans."

    The emphasis in Raleigh's voice prompted Lana to lean back in her chair and focus her full attention on the conversation. "Does that mean I'm going to have a problem with a variant Zoroark in my range?"

    "Odds are pretty damn good you will have a problem, yes. Variant Zoroark in the wild are territorial, vicious, have very little regard for their own safety, and don't get along with anything else. If you've got one claiming territory, the worst case and most likely scenario is that it does its level best to drive off or kill anything that enters its territory, even humans." An aggrieved sigh punctuated Raleigh's statement before they continued, "And that most likely means that I have some particularly crafty poachers in my range that I haven't caught wind of. Not sure how else a variant Zoroark could have made it to Hoenn."

    Lana leaned back towards her computer, frowning. If this Zoroark behaved the way Raleigh was describing, that could have explained what had happened to her Faller. But that didn't match up with Paul's report, or with the shots Paul had gotten of the Zoroark. "I may not have a worst case scenario on my hands, actually. The Ranger that reported the variant Zoroark said he got spotted by it, but was left alone. He also got some pictures and video from a distance; it's real friendly with a couple of local Pokémon. Even managed to shoot footage of it play-fighting with some Eevee."

    "Okay, I'm not trying to say I don't believe you, but you're completely sure about that? It was just play-fighting, nothing serious?"

    Just to be certain, Lana pulled up the video file one more time. "Yep. They're not even remotely trying to hurt each other. Just wrestling a little bit, at most."

    "Well, damn. Lucky you, I guess. Only ever seen one variant Zoroark that didn't threaten everything that wasn't a member of its species on sight, and that's mostly just because I saved his life as a Zorua. I'd still advise you to pay extra attention to the area where the Zoroark was spotted, but I shouldn't need to tell you that much."

    "Hm. If it proves amenable to relocation, would that help with conservation?"

    Raleigh sucked in a breath through their teeth on the other end of the line. "Wish it would, probably wouldn't. If we're dealing with a milder individual that got forcibly taken from over here, then it's likely it was already on the outs with the other Zoroark. Even if that isn't the case, and it managed to get along with the others here, introducing it probably wouldn't have any impact on the population's decline."

    "How so?" Lana flipped back through the photos again, doing her level best to memorize the appearance of the Zoroark with what attention she could spare from the conversation. It wouldn't be hard; that billowing mane was very distinctive.

    "Well, the decline doesn't seem to be tied to anything I can see. This area hasn't changed as much as you'd think over the last few hundred years, especially with development deliberately avoiding variant Zoroark territory. Their numbers have just…slowly been going down, for pretty much as long as we've kept records of them. I'm descended from the Pearl clan, so growing up I got to hear the old stories from my ancestors who dealt with the subspecies when it was more prevalent. All of those old stories say that variant Zoroark are spirits animated by a grudge they can't let go of. If there's any truth to that, maybe these Pokémon are just too caught up in old hatreds to make a place for themselves in the present. Honestly, I figure the best thing for a Zoroark who isn't like the rest might be to stay away. Let it keep some distance from all that grief, if nothing else."

    Lana exhaled softly. That was…grim? Sad? Probably both, she decided. "Alright. I'll just have my Rangers discreetly set up some cameras in the area and wait to see if anything happens, I suppose. Any advice you can give for monitoring variant Zoroark specifically, with those behavioral changes in mind? I've worked with common Zoroark before, so I'd imagine it can't be too different."

    "No, if you've worked with common Zoroark then a mild-tempered variant individual shouldn't have any tricks you can't handle. Mind keeping me updated on any developments? I've been handling variant Zoroark conservation for a while, and it'd be nice to have some information on how they interact with other Pokémon when they're less ornery."

    "Sure thing. Thanks for the chat, Raleigh."

    "No problem. Look forward to hearing from you, Lana."

    After that, the line disconnected. Lana lowered the phone from her ear and took one last look at Paul's pictures. The particular image on screen showed the variant Zoroark napping peacefully in the sun next to a Leafeon. "I sure hope you won't be too much of a problem," she murmured to it before closing the window.

    Immediately, she opened another window and began drafting a memo. The work of a Head Ranger was never done.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Very nice!

    while speech might be something that needs to be practiced a Lot, i wonder how well drawing and illusion would work?
     
    Interesting that you're going with being a Faller, and the reactions once it comes out that the MC is just misanthropic enough to be able to effectively facetank becoming a Hisuian Zoroark with some help is going to break at least a few minds.

    This seems like it'll be a nice feel good fix as it goes.
     
    Krazyfan1 said:
    Very nice!

    while speech might be something that needs to be practiced a Lot, i wonder how well drawing and illusion would work?
    Click to expand...
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    I don't want to get specific about my plans for the future, but there are a lot of ways to communicate. Some of 'em are definitely helped by illusions.

    nytemaren said:
    Would have to learn the local language for that, not a lot of folks read Unown hieroglyphs.
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    Yeah, this chapter and interlude taking an extra three-plus weeks turned out to be a bit of a blessing in disguise because it gave me time to remember that the Pokémon world doesn't use Latin script. Really glad I didn't get to a point where that would have mattered yet.

    Illariai said:
    Interesting that you're going with being a Faller, and the reactions once it comes out that the MC is just misanthropic enough to be able to effectively facetank becoming a Hisuian Zoroark with some help is going to break at least a few minds.

    This seems like it'll be a nice feel good fix as it goes.
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    I hadn't yet gotten far enough along this line of thinking to figure out how people would react to learning that she's formerly human, but now you've gotten a few things brewing in my mind.

    Should be fun when we get there.
     
    Krazyfan1 said:
    Very nice!

    while speech might be something that needs to be practiced a Lot, i wonder how well drawing and illusion would work?
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    It's canon that pokemon can practice normal pre-K language and learn it. And it's wild pokemon. She should be able to just think hard about the sounds she's making instead of automatically doing it.
     
    This is really cool so far. I've already teared up a few times, and it brings up some good memories of people I'm close to who have died.

    Illariai said:
    Interesting that you're going with being a Faller, and the reactions once it comes out that the MC is just misanthropic enough to be able to effectively facetank becoming a Hisuian Zoroark with some help is going to break at least a few minds.

    This seems like it'll be a nice feel good fix as it goes.
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    I doubt they have a big enough dataset of (known) formerly human Zoroarks to compare to. They might just chalk it up as normal, which kind of makes sense -- a fully developed adult ego might have an easier time managing things than someone who grows up with the aggressiveness. (Or even be able to see it as a problem in the first place.)
     
    Oooh, just discovered this fic today and binged it. Looks really good so far, looking forward to more!

    I really like the inclusion of normal animals as well, for, well, hopefully rather obvious reasons.
     
    einargs said:
    This is really cool so far. I've already teared up a few times, and it brings up some good memories of people I'm close to who have died.
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    Thanks! This...really means a lot to me, honestly. It's kind of hard for me to explain why, but what I can put to words is that I'm very glad I could remind you of those happy memories.

    The world could use more reminders that even if something good is gone, the memories can still be a source of comfort and happiness.


    Miho Chan said:
    Oooh, just discovered this fic today and binged it. Looks really good so far, looking forward to more!

    I really like the inclusion of normal animals as well, for, well, hopefully rather obvious reasons.
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    I'm glad you're enjoying it! I wasn't sure whether to include mundane animals at first, just because it seems to me that Pokémon would out-compete animals if going just by the laws of natural selection. Eventually I decided that it made more sense to include them, in large part because...
    (Also, I've been having a serious 'senpai noticed me' moment over this, aheh. Eevee Therapy for Little Magi has been a pretty big influence on how I want to approach writing This Weightless Fall.)
    Illariai said:
    Less of the scenes where one side is screaming for mercy and the other grabs a bib for the mess?
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    ...well, that. I seriously don't want to write that.
     
    Railyn said:
    I'm glad you're enjoying it! I wasn't sure whether to include mundane animals at first, just because it seems to me that Pokémon would out-compete animals if going just by the laws of natural selection. Eventually I decided that it made more sense to include them, in large part because...
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    A serious answer to the out compete issue is that Pokemon wouldn't largely because either
    A: The animals would adapt to the challenges faced by there being magical doom hunters out for their blood
    B: Pokemon are explicit sophont in canon. This is considering Game, Anime, Side Game, and Manga information we are provided with. Side games are the most explicit about this, but the Anime isn't at all far behind. The likelihood that the Pokemon have some form of civilization that we just never really see outside of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon is quite high, especially given the core thematic of Pokemon (Symbiosis)
    C: We have literal canon statements in Gen I that explicitly tell us that animals exist in the Pokedex. While I don't personally hold the Dex as canon, especially in Gen I, this is a canonical statement that tells us that "Animals and America exist." Of course, mind you, a lot of that is Gen I jank, so the curren "canonicity" is dubious, but it is something to keep in mind.
    D: Pokemon and Gamefreak in general tend to be rather coy about what people and Pokemon actually eat, and where the ingredients we use for Curry and Sandwitches come from. Given the names of some of the ingridents and, well, the fact we know for a fact that Pokemon can hold jobs, I doubt the humans farm their symbiotes for food.
     
    although there are cases where Pokemon are infact eaten in the pokedex, anime, and games.
    i like to imagine that In The Wild, its seen as something done only when other options are gone, and not for the fun of it.
    along with something similar to the thing that happens in the Dinotopia novels, where those near death travel somewhere so that those that can't subsist on plants have something to eat.
    i could also see it being a case where Scavenging is seen as more acceptable.
    ice type moves could probably help with preserving things as well.
     
    epiccuttlefish said:
    There is one question that I noticed the Rangers not asking about the Faller situation... Who buried them?
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    I suspect the assumption there might be that a companion Pokemon did the job and is now wandering around somewhere in the area. I could see this leading to a wrong-but-relatively-helpful conclusion that the SI is that companion Pokemon, since it would conveniently line up with the sudden appearance and mild temperament.
     
    5 - Just enough to breathe
  • Threadmarks
    • The days that follow my old body's burial proceed without much fanfare. I spot the human a couple more times, but they seem to want to keep their distance. Mostly, I register their continued presence by the scent they leave in passing.

    The only time I do see them close enough to get a proper look at them, they're using what looks like some sort of professional camera. Are they a nature photographer, or maybe a Pokémon watcher? I'd be surprised if Zoroark like me are well known in most places, and it'd make sense for someone to want to take pictures of a rare Pokémon. With any luck, pictures are all they want.

    If they're the kind of person that's interested in rare Pokémon for less benign reasons…well, that's part of why I've started sparring with Umbreon and Leafeon. It's best that I know how to fight as a Zoroark beyond just whatever instinctual knowledge I drew on that first day. I'm not interested in attacking anyone unprovoked, including humans, but if I'm given a good enough reason, I don't see myself losing sleep over anything that might happen.

    It takes a few days and a private conversation with Umbreon for me to come to terms with that realization.

    With each passing day, I become more and more grateful that Leafeon found me when she did. I don't know if I would have been able to move forward without her and her family's trust and support. I don't feel like I'm the kind of Pokémon they seem to see me as, not right now. But I want to be. I want to believe that I can deserve to be so trusted that they're willing to leave me to mind their children a week after meeting me.

    As the evolved Pokémon leave, I ready myself for even more questions—it almost feels like all the Eevee want to do with me is ask questions about humans. Their curiosity is both understandable and adorable, but I'm starting to tire of the topic. There's only so much I can say, for one, and for another I'd rather stop talking about my old life quite so much.

    Today, however, I don't get any questions; just a demand.

    "Play with us, Zoroark!"

    "Come on, you gotta! Let's play!"

    Before I can even say anything, both Eevee have already launched themselves directly at my torso. Well, I guess I'm playing with them today.

    I let the pups knock me to the ground, rolling with the momentum and redirecting it to gently toss them away. I pull myself back to my paws, flashing a toothy grin at the little Pokémon. "Be careful what you ask for," I sing, lowering myself to all fours. "You just might get it!" Letting the last two words bleed into a playful snarl, I pounce right between the two siblings, who scatter with a pair of barking giggles.

    My first sessions of sparring with Umbreon have mostly been an exercise in learning the limits of my body. One of the first things I realized is that when I truly push myself, I'm fast. Faster than Umbreon, faster than Leafeon, and most definitely faster than Eevee. With that knowledge in mind, I pause to decide which of the siblings to chase after. My first victim, I determine after a moment of deliberation, will be sunbeam. He managed to roll directly on top of my face in his sleep last night. For that, retribution will be swift.

    Just to mess with them a little bit, I watch them scamper around for a few moments longer. They start to slow down, looking back at me with confusion. That's when I dart forward, closing half of the distance between sunbeam and me before he can react. He lets out a startled yelp, scrambling back into a full sprint as I let my burst of speed fade into an easy lope. That more relaxed pace is still faster than I ever was as a human, I muse briefly, yet I feel like I could maintain it for quite some time.

    I'm doing my best to be careful with my speed. Too fast, and the chase will just be over immediately, which is no fun. Too slow, though, and the pups might get bored. My goal is to be just slightly faster than their normal running pace for most of the chase, with bursts of speed every so often to keep them from getting comfortable. It's not as easy as it might sound. I have to pay close attention not only to how fast they're running, but to how fast I'm running. My body wants to move. I have to consciously rein myself in to keep the chase going.

    Flicker starts chasing after me while I tail her brother. She's smart about it, too; instead of trying to match my speed, she's paying attention to where I'm going and trying to cut me off. Unfortunately for her, I'm paying very close attention to where both of them are at all times. She starts to close in, and right as I hear her pace quicken, I execute the sharpest turn I possibly can. Front claws dig into the soil to arrest my speed before back paws kick off the ground, sending me into a leap directly towards the Eevee.

    I get a great view of the victorious smile falling off of her face. Then, to my surprise, instead of trying to turn or slow down, she puts on even more speed. At the absolute last moment before I land back on the ground, she passes right under me. Alright, color me impressed.

    After that, I switch targets every so often just to keep them from getting too complacent. When I inevitably catch up to one, the other will pounce on me and I'm "forced" to let them go. It's…well, it's really fun. I'm enjoying this a lot more than I thought I would.

    Eventually, though, it has to come to an end. I notice the siblings begin to run out of energy, and rather than wait for them to stop of their own volition, I convince them that we should at least take a break for water. Before they agree, they manage to extract a promise that we can go right back to playing after we get back from the lake. They don't have to try very hard to get that out of me. I have a suspicion they're a lot more tired than they think they are.

    Sure enough, while the Eevee are excitedly running in circles around me at first, by the time we reach the lake they're lagging behind. They all but collapse at the lakeside. Flicker winds up dunking her head by accident when she goes to drink, and sunbeam nearly trips and falls into the water.

    Once we've all had our fill, I turn to the tired pups, injecting as much pep and cheer into my body language as I can. "So!" I say brightly, ears twitching with repressed amusement. "Who wants to race back?"

    The only answers I get are a pair of exhausted groans.

    Never one to let others off easily, I keep going. "My, my, you're more excited about that than I thought you'd be! I was going to suggest that we wait before we start the race, but if you want to just go for it, who am I to stop you? Ready?" I lower myself into a starting stance.

    A pathetic "Nooooo…" emanates from one of the Eevee, and I can't stop myself from giggling any longer. Giving up on the joke now that it's properly run its course, I go to sit down near the siblings.

    I should probably clear things up, I realize. I don't think I've been around long enough for any of the other Pokémon to get used to my teasing. "We can rest a bit before going back," I assure them. "I'm not actually going to make you run if you're that tired."

    "I just wanna take a nap," grumbles sunbeam.

    "We should probably go home for that," I point out. Then I pause. Home. When did I start thinking of the den as home? A powerful sense of loss rises from underneath the surface, and the haze stirs faintly within. Before those emotions can take hold of me, I pull myself back into the present just in time to catch the petulant response.

    "But I don't wanna walk."

    Without bothering to warn him, I pick him up ("Hey!") and set him on my head. I can feel the Eevee's back paws scrabbling around a little bit before they find purchase in my mane. As he gets settled, I ask, "Why don't I give you a ride, then?"

    Flicker speaks up before I can get an answer. "Aw, I want a ride too!" she whines. "Why should sunbeam get one and not me?"

    I tilt my head more shallowly than I usually would while thinking, so my passenger doesn't fall off. She's right, it would be more fair to give both of them a ride. "I don't think my head's big enough for both of you to ride up there, but I don't see why we can't figure something else out."

    I could just carry her in my arms, but that's not quite the same thing. She could perhaps fit in my mane since her brother is partly on my head rather than completely buried in the wisping mass of fur, but I feel like she might want to get a better view of where we're going. Maybe she could ride on my shoulder? The angle of my shoulders as a Zoroark is shallower than it was as a human, but the large ruff of fur around my collar might give her something else to hold on to. I give myself a satisfied nod and suggest that out loud.

    Flicker looks like she's thinking very hard about that option for a moment before she deigns to give her assent. "I better not fall off, though," she warns.

    "Of course," I agree, extending an arm to help her up. "But if you do start to slip, I promise I'll catch you."

    To my satisfaction, it doesn't take a lot of effort to get the Eevee situated atop my shoulder. Between the actual shoulder itself and the surplus of fur in the area, she seems to have enough to keep her weight supported. Just to make sure, though, I stand up and walk around a little bit, paying close attention to her hold on me. "Looks like this will work just fine," I say. I didn't feel either Eevee slip even a bit.

    "Go, go fast!" cheers flicker, prompting her brother to join in.

    "Can do!" I reply, and I'm off. I start running a little slowly just to make sure I don't jolt either of the pups into falling. Gradually, I accelerate until the trees are blurring past. I could go faster still, especially if I ran on all fours, but that'd risk dropping one or both Eevee, and I'm not going to let them fall.

    Breathless laughter fills my ears as I run. I can't help but smile along.

    At first, I'm taking a route straight home to the den. It's where we're planning to end up, after all. But then I think, why shouldn't I just let this moment last? I start to take sudden turns whenever the whim strikes me, much to the excitement of my passengers. Each precarious swerve is met with a new round of delighted shrieking. It isn't long before I'm laughing along with them between breaths.

    I lose track of time. I lose track of my worries. For a long, blissful moment, I even lose hold of my grief. The joy of the here and now is all there is. The excitement of the run, the glee of the pups bleeding through to me, the comfort of being so close to those I've been coming to love. Even the haze that's haunted me since my death has retreated to some corner of my being that I can't see.

    For just a few minutes, I'm at peace.

    It can't last forever. Nothing ever does.

    The exertion begins to catch up to me. My muscles burn, and my joints begin to ache from supporting weights they weren't designed to hold. It slowly, agonizingly unravels the spell. With everything I am, I desperately wish it could last just a little bit longer. I've been denied that peace for so long, even in death I couldn't—!

    No! No, I can't force this. If I try to hold on to it too tightly, all I'll do is fail, and that failure will feed the bitterness inside me. So, as painful as it is to let go, I don't rage. I don't wail, or cry out, or cling to those fading moments I've so longed for. All I can do is engrave this peace into my memory. I continue to run, filling my lungs as I change my course. With every breath, I etch it deeper.

    I might have to let the moment pass, but I refuse to forget it.

    By the time I arrive at my destination, that deep peace has faded entirely. A dull ache rises in my heart. Soundlessly, I approach the den. A soft word and the touch of a paw directs me instead to a warm patch of sun filtering through the leaves. I settle on the grass so my passengers can dismount. Once they're clear, I curl up to take my own rest.

    I've barely closed my eyes before I feel a paw touch my nose. "Are you okay? You're crying."

    My eyes slide open once more to see flicker's worried face before my own. I'm…crying? I touch a claw to the corner of my eye. A tiny bead of moisture slides down its smooth surface.

    I suppose she sees something on my face as I stare at my claw. The Eevee licks at my face a few times, her tongue swiping through the fur where my tears have begun to fall. The contact grounds me, pulling me back from where I'd started drifting.

    "Mama does this when I'm sad, sometimes, and it helps me feel better," she tells me as she pulls away. "I bet it'll help you too, big sis."

    I freeze at those words. I'm entirely too aware of the sensation of my mouth opening. "Did you just call me 'big sis'?" I ask, unable to bring my voice past a whisper.

    Flicker looks nervous all of a sudden, shifting her weight from paw to paw. "Is…is it okay if I call you big sis? I know you're not really my sister, and you've probably got lots of family somewhere else but you said you can't see them anymore, so I thought…I thought…" She trails off in a hesitant stutter.

    I blink back at her slowly, my practiced blank mask sliding into place. With a little bit of effort, I force that mask away. I want to stop hiding my emotions so readily. I want to convince myself that it's okay for me to cry.

    "I think," I attempt before taking a shaky breath, "I think I'd like that."

    My vision begins to blur as I push my head forward to nuzzle at flicker, a gesture she's more than happy to return. "I hope you feel better soon, big sis," she whispers into my tears.

    "So do I, little sis." I shift forward just a little more, almost without conscious thought, as though to press the love and hope I'm feeling into flicker. "So do I."
     
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    • Hmm, y'know if she ever wants to satisfy those instincts to carry Zorua kits in her mane, Zoroark shares the Field egg group with all the Eeveelutions. Pokethrouple???
     
    The Radiance said:
    TFTC. Cute interactions, Story progression soon tho?
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    There was going to be more this chapter, but I wound up cutting it short at this point because I didn't think it would really work to immediately follow up that moment with the next few events I have planned. Things will start to get moving a little more next update.
     
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