Things Spaceship Crews Are No Longer Allowed To Do, Volume One
- Thread starter Ash0011
- Start date
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- Tags
- sci-fi spaaaaaaaace spaceship
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
234c. All FTL jumps and experiments are to be approved by the vessel's captain, navigation officer and depending on scale the local governments of both the planned departure and arrival points. If the FTL mechanism involves remaining in real space then the governments along the route must be notified.
234d. No this is not an excuse to display holograms on low technology worlds explaining FTL travel as a religious phenomenon to stone age worlds.
235. No creating cults to your God like technological level on worlds that are still trying to invent the wheel or similar technology levels.
234d. No this is not an excuse to display holograms on low technology worlds explaining FTL travel as a religious phenomenon to stone age worlds.
235. No creating cults to your God like technological level on worlds that are still trying to invent the wheel or similar technology levels.
Steakthedog
Verified Pedant
236 - While we do somewhat emulate The Culture in naming our ships, you are not to actually attempt to emulate The Culture!
236a - Not even if you ask nicely.
236a - Not even if you ask nicely.
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
237. If you encounter a non-standard planetary body or other astronomical body make sure to send back a record of your location before investigating, and log regular records of your findings in case someone has to come looking for you.
237a. Giant rings floating in space should be checked for both weapon systems and life forms prior to landing, galaxy wide super weapon components need to be handled with care and any biological hazard containment facilities need to be protected to avoid undesirable releases.
237b. Giant Turtles hurtling through space with four elephants and a disc on their back should be handled with care and avoided due to the possibility of narrativium contamination.
237c. Weird tuning forks floating in space should be approached with care due to possibility of anomalous gravitational activity and risk of high speed projectiles.
237d. If a known planetary or lunar body appears to be hatching like an egg look out for the creatures parents. A planet sized egg likely means creatures large enough to be a navigation hazard at minimum.
237e. If someone has the technological expertise to make their spaceship look like an oceanic vessel, steam locomotive or other mechanism that doesn't belong in space they are likely to be very thematic in their behaviour.
237a. Giant rings floating in space should be checked for both weapon systems and life forms prior to landing, galaxy wide super weapon components need to be handled with care and any biological hazard containment facilities need to be protected to avoid undesirable releases.
237b. Giant Turtles hurtling through space with four elephants and a disc on their back should be handled with care and avoided due to the possibility of narrativium contamination.
237c. Weird tuning forks floating in space should be approached with care due to possibility of anomalous gravitational activity and risk of high speed projectiles.
237d. If a known planetary or lunar body appears to be hatching like an egg look out for the creatures parents. A planet sized egg likely means creatures large enough to be a navigation hazard at minimum.
237e. If someone has the technological expertise to make their spaceship look like an oceanic vessel, steam locomotive or other mechanism that doesn't belong in space they are likely to be very thematic in their behaviour.
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
238. If you found a ginormous turtle carrying four elephants that are also carrying an even more ginormous disc, ignore it. You are NOT philosopher enough to go there.
238a. Seriously, the only ones that are somehow immune or resistant to narrativium contamination of such levels are philosophers. No wonder people tend to see them as nutjobs in real life.
238a. Seriously, the only ones that are somehow immune or resistant to narrativium contamination of such levels are philosophers. No wonder people tend to see them as nutjobs in real life.
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- Location
- Maine
- Pronouns
- They/Them/Theirs
239. We would like to remind the crew, especially medical, that it is not permitted to make sapient life for research purposes, as mentioned in Sections 128 and 227-228. The fact that you did it with discarded parts saved from the incinerator doesn't change anything. This means you, Victor.
239b. Any future "Patchworks" are to be treated as strangely large children. So yes, you do have to pay child support, Victor.
239c. Said child support will come out of patents and bounties related to the transplant and anti-rejection techniques devised as a result. We will keep amending this until Medical stops saying "Worth it!".
240. Personal protective equipment is required to be opaque unless it is covering a sight organ. No more nudists in transparent aluminum plate armor, please, not everyone wants to see those bits.
240a. No, you can't wear a bikini under the transparent armor and call it good.
241. Dear Medical: When delivering get-well cards, do not write them out in the middle of the dissection lab.
242. If your new weapon can, and I quote, "hit him in the chest, put him in a coffin, send him back to his family and pay for shipping, in one trigger pull", it is not to be considered a side-arm. It is to be surrendered to Engineering, and you should surrender to Internal Affairs, because while that's probably not a war crime yet, it is disturbing to have a coffin containing a family member you didn't know was dead appear from nowhere.
239b. Any future "Patchworks" are to be treated as strangely large children. So yes, you do have to pay child support, Victor.
239c. Said child support will come out of patents and bounties related to the transplant and anti-rejection techniques devised as a result. We will keep amending this until Medical stops saying "Worth it!".
240. Personal protective equipment is required to be opaque unless it is covering a sight organ. No more nudists in transparent aluminum plate armor, please, not everyone wants to see those bits.
240a. No, you can't wear a bikini under the transparent armor and call it good.
241. Dear Medical: When delivering get-well cards, do not write them out in the middle of the dissection lab.
242. If your new weapon can, and I quote, "hit him in the chest, put him in a coffin, send him back to his family and pay for shipping, in one trigger pull", it is not to be considered a side-arm. It is to be surrendered to Engineering, and you should surrender to Internal Affairs, because while that's probably not a war crime yet, it is disturbing to have a coffin containing a family member you didn't know was dead appear from nowhere.
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Steakthedog
Verified Pedant
242a - And any attempts to resist transferring the weapon to Engineering will result in Engineering releasing their stockpile to retrieve it. We. Want. That. Weapon.
- Location
- france
239d: To the one responsible for summoning Servant Berserker Frankenstein, we hate you.
PS: That also means that a majority of the Council MUST approve any future summoning.
I'm not too sure about that one. This is in a futuristic setting (with different fictional laws) and I know that you can wear a swimsuit (total coverage mandatory depending on the country and/or State) in most public places.
Also, I refer you to the original Saturn Girl from the DC Legion of Superheroes and her costume. In this setting, they have a transparent soft spacesuit.
241a: Amendment: Legally, It depends if the card is addressed to one of the lab workers or the body being dissected. Morally, either is rather a gross violation of ethics and common sense.
242b: To those who had "borrowed" my spear because they needed another one-shot-kill weapon. I WILL KILL YOU! After pointing you to my teacher Scathach. Enjoy.
242c: Please refer to 239d regarding summoning of Servants. It does include any possessions of them either former or current. If you do not follow this rule, the Council WILL name you to the concerned Servant or Servants.
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
239 e. Use of magitek solutions are to be vetted for compatibility, morality and efficiency prior to usage.
239f. We don't care if summoning the ships spirit on another planet can be used as FTL if it prevents conventional crew and cargo transport.
239 g. Also no using magic if it breaks other crucial ship systems, congratulations your magically reinforced pipes didn't break. Unfortunately they tore through the ships armour plating due to sudden deceleration.
239 h. Also any power sources needing blood, tears of children, prayer or souls to operate are to be examined by both engineering and the ethics board. The only grandfathered in exception for this rule is the engineering coffee machine, apparently fueled by the "dread of approaching deadlines" and sacrifices to machine gods...
239f. We don't care if summoning the ships spirit on another planet can be used as FTL if it prevents conventional crew and cargo transport.
239 g. Also no using magic if it breaks other crucial ship systems, congratulations your magically reinforced pipes didn't break. Unfortunately they tore through the ships armour plating due to sudden deceleration.
239 h. Also any power sources needing blood, tears of children, prayer or souls to operate are to be examined by both engineering and the ethics board. The only grandfathered in exception for this rule is the engineering coffee machine, apparently fueled by the "dread of approaching deadlines" and sacrifices to machine gods...
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- Location
- Maine
- Pronouns
- They/Them/Theirs
I was mostly thinking that 1) It's important for other people to know you're properly protected, so transparent suits are a non-starter there on their own. 2) Slapping on the skimpiest clothing possible so you're no longer engaging in public nudity is a (forgive the pun) transparent attempt at circumventing "Don't be a heavily armored nudist" that complies with the wording, not the spirit.
Tax:
243: It is no longer allowable to ask Medical to write combat manuals. While I'm sure that "Vivisection: The Hard Way" is both useful for gathering medical data, and keeping the medical crew alive... The Medic isn't supposed to engage in combat in the first place. It's also terrible for our reputation, Victor.
- Location
- france
243a: No, having a medical unit trained and especially equipped like the Apothecaries of the Space Marines isn't appropriate (besides, their pauldrons are impracticable).
Steakthedog
Verified Pedant
243b - But pauldrons look so cool!
- Location
- United States
244: Medical is Not the place for 'Private Meet ups'.
- Location
- Ylisse
243c - That may be true, but Medical has promised dire consequences for the next fool who gets themselves hurt valuing style over substance.
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
244a: Nor it is a gambling place.
244b: No, we don't talk about the Uno Incident that happened at the Medical.
245: "I have stolen the moon" is NOT a valid answer when asked why the moon is missing in a local solar group.
245a: What do you mean the moon straight up walked and danced away!?
245b: No one is allowed to use the Blessed Bagpipes from Castle McQuack and Professor Time's Bring-Anything-To-Life-Inator on any moons, planetoids, asteroids, suns, black holes, etc... Doing so, you will be subjected to the worst possible job other than being a janitor. Being an adoptive parent to a sentient thing you've given life.
245c. Admiral Gepetto, stop trying to bring that giant robot named Pinocchio to life.
- Location
- france
245c: Amendment: ... Don't we have already fully sentient AIs for that...? What!? Transforming a construct into a full flesh and blood sentient being!? You know, there's a simpler and more natural way to do that. It's called making a child.
245d: As said before too many times in this list, the use of magic and other conceptual powers MUST receive approval of the Council FIRST! In those cases, It's NOT easier to ask forgiveness than to get permission.
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
246. All usage of nanites to create facsimile of life is to only be done in controlled conditions.
247. Bamboo technology and other aesthetic technologies are to be avoided outside of their natural environment.
247a. Zeppelin technology is not suitable for use outside of atmospheres, buoyancy ceases to be a factor.
247b. Timber is not suitable for usage on external surfaces of spaceships that are expected to perform re-entry.
247c. While duct tape is a near universal repair substance it cannot be used in extreme temperatures.
247d. The terracotta space pod was not a good idea, nor was the gelatin escape pod.
247. Bamboo technology and other aesthetic technologies are to be avoided outside of their natural environment.
247a. Zeppelin technology is not suitable for use outside of atmospheres, buoyancy ceases to be a factor.
247b. Timber is not suitable for usage on external surfaces of spaceships that are expected to perform re-entry.
247c. While duct tape is a near universal repair substance it cannot be used in extreme temperatures.
247d. The terracotta space pod was not a good idea, nor was the gelatin escape pod.
- Location
- france
Question about 247b: What about Jurai Tree-ships? I distinctly remember Princess Ayeka stating the external wall units of her ship Ryu-Oh were wood.
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
247e. There are always exceptions, check environmental compatibility before use. Tree ships evolved, made and tested over centuries are one thing, the https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BambooTechnology cobbled together from random two by fours, plywood and bamboo stalks are entirely different.
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
248: Don't manifest Hawk-Light... Light-Hawk? Whatever those Wings are in a narrow space. We don't want a repeat of the Dyson Sphere Venting Incident at Sector 5123B.
248a: Please stop putting extremely large things in tight and narrow corridors...
248a.addendum: No, I didn't expect this to become an innuendo.
249: We're one step away to 250. That's right people. 249a. Now as for what rule is this? Stop feeding MREs to those weird creatures that reproduce asexually. The one that is called... Shriekers? I think. We still have an infestation in one of the hangars.
249b. Stop petting the Shriekers. If you do so, we will not replace your missing hands again.
249a.addendum: Someone replaced 249a as 250 and made a mess.
248a: Please stop putting extremely large things in tight and narrow corridors...
248a.addendum: No, I didn't expect this to become an innuendo.
249: We're one step away to 250. That's right people. 249a. Now as for what rule is this? Stop feeding MREs to those weird creatures that reproduce asexually. The one that is called... Shriekers? I think. We still have an infestation in one of the hangars.
249b. Stop petting the Shriekers. If you do so, we will not replace your missing hands again.
249a.addendum: Someone replaced 249a as 250 and made a mess.
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- Location
- United States
250: !($&!w*^#$*(!$)(!C&$(!^e%s)*!&$)(*^!*)#^uy)(!@YH*U)_#*^#e)_hjjs%&*(!@&^$*)(@^%_(s6u@*RE%_()ss&a6u%_()@&%_)(#*^%&(g@^_)(@*i%)+_@&%*)!@^$(_*+)%+)*$kl_+!@*&$*T^%$(*!is6uu6$^)(@$_)@(%+_@)*@(_&$
251: No Hacking the Rules!
251: No Hacking the Rules!
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
252. Always check the original purpose of repurposed equipment before using it for high priority tasks.
252a. Utilising an old assassination droid as a baby sitter can be done so long as it as ensured that no kill modes are left to potentially activate.
253. Old pipes that should fit your ships water / plasma / atmosphere distribution systems need to be checked for toxins, contamination, life forms and structural integrity before use. We've all heard the tale about the space squid monster that was installed in a space station because of the cheap waste disposal system.
253a. This goes double for materials that are biologically incompatible with crew members, asbestos, lead and silicate dust are just some of the more common material hazards for humans.
253b. Also confirm radiological levels, mutation and cancer because someone recycled some washers from the reactor in the shower tap is not a good thing.
252a. Utilising an old assassination droid as a baby sitter can be done so long as it as ensured that no kill modes are left to potentially activate.
253. Old pipes that should fit your ships water / plasma / atmosphere distribution systems need to be checked for toxins, contamination, life forms and structural integrity before use. We've all heard the tale about the space squid monster that was installed in a space station because of the cheap waste disposal system.
253a. This goes double for materials that are biologically incompatible with crew members, asbestos, lead and silicate dust are just some of the more common material hazards for humans.
253b. Also confirm radiological levels, mutation and cancer because someone recycled some washers from the reactor in the shower tap is not a good thing.
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- Location
- france
252a: Addendum: And since when do we need a babysitter in one of our ships? We're not Starfleet and we don't have Galaxy-class vessels or something of that type.
You mean 253a and 253b, right?
Can someone tell me what sort of power systems are in use in this story setting? I'm not sure if they're radioactive.
- Location
- Melbourne, Australia
254. Remember that the main cause of this list was the antics of several groups interacting with each other despite severely incompatible technological basis, namely interaction between anomalous elements and certain FTL drives. In light of this no assumptions shall be made regarding the tech base of the surrounding ships and civilisations, you never know when somebody believes that a bomb is a good power source.
254a. Element zero, hypermatter, eyes of harmony and other power sources will be examined for compatibility with all FTL, power generation, life support, and all other technologies on your ship before it is allowed on board.
254b. Yes the list of items to be tested is to include all tourist baubles, cleaning products and portable computing devices due to potential contamination.
254a. Element zero, hypermatter, eyes of harmony and other power sources will be examined for compatibility with all FTL, power generation, life support, and all other technologies on your ship before it is allowed on board.
254b. Yes the list of items to be tested is to include all tourist baubles, cleaning products and portable computing devices due to potential contamination.
- Location
- Earth, Sol System, Milky Way Galaxy
255: To the one responsible for this engine that uses everything listed at 254a, run! We don't have much time before the Engineering Inquisition knocks down your door and force you to do it again, very carefully this time around.