Chapter Eleven: Just a Normal Girl to Girl Chat
ArtemisAvant
No longer running, from carpal tunnel
- Location
- Cornfield Central, Indiana
- Pronouns
- He/Him
Chapter Eleven: Just a Normal Girl to Girl Chat
Are you kind to me, Enid wants to ask, because I want you to be so? Or am I finally seeing the truth of things here in the unflinching darkness.
Neither answer would satisfy her in truth, because the only reply would come from herself.
Wednesday, or the conjuration of her, the ghost of her, the apparition that exists in Enid's lonely traumatized degenerating mind walks alongside her in the ship's hull. While Enid traces over the floral designs charred into the wood, Wednesday examines the silver metallurgy cast into the shape of eyes and of the bottomless sea.
"A silly question either way, Enid. Who I am, remains the same." The phantom is never kind enough to dispel the illusion in full, only hint at it, poke at it with a heated rod. Imply and insinuate, prod the shape of her fragile barrier between self-immolation and crushing despair. So that at the least, is accurate to the image's muse. Sadist, feels like affection even in her mind's voice. "You must be quite relaxed to ponder over meaningless things and conversing with delusions. I'm impressed."
The grim little light in Wednesday's eyes begs to differ, and so does Enid. "Shush you." It's too weak to be a command with any heat, but her mind listens anyway.
A mimed sewing of the lips. Up and down, puncturing pallid skin in sour sting, from where Enid stands Wednesday looks to have taken in a particularly strong lemondrop into her mouth. She misses her, terribly so even in that flash of a moment. Misses the voice, cool and smooth in the iron-ribbed wood without it's echo— the shape of her feels unwhole. Enid is not enough, not anymore, not here. But to lean on the unreal is a curse unlike any other.
It's a little odd to be mourning someone who's still alive. Why, anyone would ask, would she? Can she not simply walk, shout and shout until she's weak in the head and light on her knees and realize the thing she's buried is already in front of her? Exercise your right for self-flagellation all you must, but this… this is simply unexplainable.
She's stupid so she mourns it all anyway. What could have been, if Enid had been… a little less herself and maybe Wednesday a littles(lot) less… well, Wednesday.
The difference is, when the ghost in Enid's head insults her, mocks her, it's playful, teasing. There is a guarantee.
With Wednesday there is never a guarantee. The insults verge on the degrading, the mocks designed to hurt, the threats all the more tangible. They dig into the soft parts of her, and in their aching absence they leave the strewn apart ugliness inside of Enid to be exposed and leaves her to gather it all up again and force it down back into herself. Rope, shovel, hole.
But at the very least, Enid thinks, Wednesday isn't so pathetic to imagine an image of herself and manipulate it into comfort.
Black pigtails trail like a banner in front of her eyes, flowing on their own wind. It makes Enid think of dark green weeds floating in the sea. "Are you done with your self-flagellation?"
Enid smiles a little lopsided, half of her doesn't really want to but is too weak to try. "Probably not."
The ship's hull rocks back and forth, gently, softly. The construction's so thick, Enid can't hear the roar and drop of waves. But she can see them, Yharnam's architect having taken a fancy to designing mile-length galleons apparently, after their punishment on the gantry. Stained glass windows built into the hull show only a murky moving black. What's the point of building windows into something you can't see? What a maniac. Why color the unseen world?
Or perhaps, she realizes, the architect is not painting the sea rose gold and rubies in silver constellations but them. The observer from a wholly different perspective. What must they look like to thalassic watchers, wretched in their sublime beauty? The visitors from the divide above. Their own very wall of air and light. Surely, surely, they must be angels.
Enid avoids looking into them. Wednesday is kind enough to plant herself on the left anyways, forcing her to glance at those lightless depths every so often simply in order to speak to her.
"Are you afraid?"
"No," Enid lies.
"Liar." It's fond, and Enid can spy the slight curve of her mouth.
There's no sound except the click of her shoes on wood, and the creak of old things greeting the new. Enid almost imagines someone singing out there, a siren in the dark. A lantern of noise in the cold shadows.
"Have you noticed, Enid? The lycanthropes here are so very different to those thoughtless mutts in the lupine cages. Larger, more anthropomorphic. More human. Their limbs fail to become digitigrade." Enid glances at Wednesday.
The questions force Enid from her imminent dissociation and wholly back into the present, unwelcome and overwhelming. Re-examining her past is alien. Disgusting. She's been there already, why must they continue to circle back to her? Leave her alone. Stay. "... I guess. Why are you bringing this up now?"
She can't catch Wednesday's eyes, not even in the reflection of the glass. "It makes you wonder. Just what are they(you) turning into?"
Enid knows. "A beast."
Wednesday smiles. Her cheeks, Enid stares, are smooth.
Somewhere, a brass horn squeals out, loud and unstoppable. So very loud that Enid's body rings with the distortion. Twin squeals hiss out behind it, and somewhere, something begins to turn over and over. The ship churns the placid reflection of the sky into chaotic wake.
…
…
Are you kind to me, Enid wants to ask, because I want you to be so? Or am I finally seeing the truth of things here in the unflinching darkness.
Neither answer would satisfy her in truth, because the only reply would come from herself.
Wednesday, or the conjuration of her, the ghost of her, the apparition that exists in Enid's lonely traumatized degenerating mind walks alongside her in the ship's hull. While Enid traces over the floral designs charred into the wood, Wednesday examines the silver metallurgy cast into the shape of eyes and of the bottomless sea.
"A silly question either way, Enid. Who I am, remains the same." The phantom is never kind enough to dispel the illusion in full, only hint at it, poke at it with a heated rod. Imply and insinuate, prod the shape of her fragile barrier between self-immolation and crushing despair. So that at the least, is accurate to the image's muse. Sadist, feels like affection even in her mind's voice. "You must be quite relaxed to ponder over meaningless things and conversing with delusions. I'm impressed."
The grim little light in Wednesday's eyes begs to differ, and so does Enid. "Shush you." It's too weak to be a command with any heat, but her mind listens anyway.
A mimed sewing of the lips. Up and down, puncturing pallid skin in sour sting, from where Enid stands Wednesday looks to have taken in a particularly strong lemondrop into her mouth. She misses her, terribly so even in that flash of a moment. Misses the voice, cool and smooth in the iron-ribbed wood without it's echo— the shape of her feels unwhole. Enid is not enough, not anymore, not here. But to lean on the unreal is a curse unlike any other.
It's a little odd to be mourning someone who's still alive. Why, anyone would ask, would she? Can she not simply walk, shout and shout until she's weak in the head and light on her knees and realize the thing she's buried is already in front of her? Exercise your right for self-flagellation all you must, but this… this is simply unexplainable.
She's stupid so she mourns it all anyway. What could have been, if Enid had been… a little less herself and maybe Wednesday a littles(lot) less… well, Wednesday.
The difference is, when the ghost in Enid's head insults her, mocks her, it's playful, teasing. There is a guarantee.
With Wednesday there is never a guarantee. The insults verge on the degrading, the mocks designed to hurt, the threats all the more tangible. They dig into the soft parts of her, and in their aching absence they leave the strewn apart ugliness inside of Enid to be exposed and leaves her to gather it all up again and force it down back into herself. Rope, shovel, hole.
But at the very least, Enid thinks, Wednesday isn't so pathetic to imagine an image of herself and manipulate it into comfort.
Black pigtails trail like a banner in front of her eyes, flowing on their own wind. It makes Enid think of dark green weeds floating in the sea. "Are you done with your self-flagellation?"
Enid smiles a little lopsided, half of her doesn't really want to but is too weak to try. "Probably not."
The ship's hull rocks back and forth, gently, softly. The construction's so thick, Enid can't hear the roar and drop of waves. But she can see them, Yharnam's architect having taken a fancy to designing mile-length galleons apparently, after their punishment on the gantry. Stained glass windows built into the hull show only a murky moving black. What's the point of building windows into something you can't see? What a maniac. Why color the unseen world?
Or perhaps, she realizes, the architect is not painting the sea rose gold and rubies in silver constellations but them. The observer from a wholly different perspective. What must they look like to thalassic watchers, wretched in their sublime beauty? The visitors from the divide above. Their own very wall of air and light. Surely, surely, they must be angels.
Enid avoids looking into them. Wednesday is kind enough to plant herself on the left anyways, forcing her to glance at those lightless depths every so often simply in order to speak to her.
"Are you afraid?"
"No," Enid lies.
"Liar." It's fond, and Enid can spy the slight curve of her mouth.
There's no sound except the click of her shoes on wood, and the creak of old things greeting the new. Enid almost imagines someone singing out there, a siren in the dark. A lantern of noise in the cold shadows.
"Have you noticed, Enid? The lycanthropes here are so very different to those thoughtless mutts in the lupine cages. Larger, more anthropomorphic. More human. Their limbs fail to become digitigrade." Enid glances at Wednesday.
The questions force Enid from her imminent dissociation and wholly back into the present, unwelcome and overwhelming. Re-examining her past is alien. Disgusting. She's been there already, why must they continue to circle back to her? Leave her alone. Stay. "... I guess. Why are you bringing this up now?"
She can't catch Wednesday's eyes, not even in the reflection of the glass. "It makes you wonder. Just what are they(you) turning into?"
Enid knows. "A beast."
Wednesday smiles. Her cheeks, Enid stares, are smooth.
Somewhere, a brass horn squeals out, loud and unstoppable. So very loud that Enid's body rings with the distortion. Twin squeals hiss out behind it, and somewhere, something begins to turn over and over. The ship churns the placid reflection of the sky into chaotic wake.
…