The door beeped at me.
I ignored it, not bothering opening my eyes. Wouldn't have helped much anyway, every console, every screen, every light was turned off, leaving my converted cargo bay/quarters in absolute pitch black.
Beep.
I opened my eyes in the pitch black, glaring in the general direction of it in annoyance.
"I'm busy, come back later."
The door beeped again, "Zeph, come on, open up."
It was Dinah.
Which meant that she was not going away. In fact, she was likely thirty seconds away from using a security override.
I let out a sigh, "Enter."
Then I immediately regretted that fact as the glare of a star pierced the darkness from the open doors.
Gah!
I flinched away from the light, quickly closing my inner eyelids against the light of the hallway outside.
"Could you not!?" I protested.
"...Sorry," Dinah said and stepped inside, letting the door close behind her.
Complete and utter darkness.
"Alright, what is this?" she asked after a moment, "The Captain said you needed some medical leave and for us not to bother you. That was three days ago, what's wrong? I know it's not the time for you to shed yet. And what are you doing in the dark?"
"Thinking things through. Call it meditation if you like."
"And you need to do this in- oh this is ridiculous, I can't find you. Ping?"
That was something we had come up with during survival training. Humans didn't exactly see well at pitch black night in the middle of a forest.
I snorted, "Pong."
"Ping."
"Pong."
This repeated as her feet slowly moved across the deck towards me until one bumped against my forepaw, "That's me."
She shuffled around and soon there was a hand touching my paw as she scooted to sit down, "Alright. Explain? I just want to make sure you're alright."
I let out a sigh in her direction before I nodded in the darkness, "Fine. I talked to some people and realized some things. I needed time to process, away from everything else. This is as close to that as I can get."
"Like what?"
"The death of my best friend. The fact that there are things out there that I can't stop. That there are threats in my territory I can do nothing about. To figure out how to stop being angry all the time so I don't lose the friend I still have."
She was quiet for several long moments before she answered with a quiet voice, "Oh."
"I'm sorry it took me this long to realize," I told her quietly, "But I just dove back into my work. I am territorial, but I used that as some sort of shield, some sort of excuse. Somebody told me something, it made me take a good look at myself and I didn't like what I saw. And while I may not be able to get my friend back, or fight the Borg or something like it, I sure can work on not losing what I do have. But for that I needed time away from everything, time to process for real this time."
"Oh Zeph..."
"I can be a bit stubborn sometimes."
That got a small laugh. She scooted around in the darkness until she could lean against me, "Just a bit," she said before I felt her shake her head, "...And you think laying alone in the dark for three days is the best idea?"
"I take breaks to eat and stuff," I told her, "And it gives me time to think without distractions."
I felt her nod again before she asked,
"...How's it going?"
"Mostly been remembering the academy," I confessed, "...That was fun. Stressful, but fun."
"It was, wasn't it?" she answered and I could hear a smile in her voice, "Remember puke month? We were miserable."
I chuckled and nodded, "We absolutely were."
A hand felt around my neck in the darkness and I lowered my head, allowing her to rest her hand against my head, "Are you sure about this? To me laying around in a dark room sounds more like depression than anything else."
"I know," I agreed, shifting my head slightly into her touch, "But I need to figure myself out. As little distractions as possible. I don't know if this is the best way to do it, I don't even know if it's going to work. Or even help or make things worse. But I'm not human, I'm not Andorian or Vulcan, my mind does not work like yours."
"Close enough for you to get hurt."
"...True," I said with a small sigh, "And it's stapled together from dragon and human. I'll give them this, whomever turned me into a dragon did a decent job getting me working at all. But I think I may have run into the issues with it now. If I had been human, I would have dealt with it the way you did. If I had been fully dragon, I'm not sure it would have bothered me in the same way. I think I got the worst of both worlds."
I felt her nod.
"Can I help?"
"I don't know," I admitted, "My counselor always said talking helped. And I suppose it did. But back then my mind was more human, that's something I know has changed. I need to figure this out."
"So what have you come up with so far?"
"That I don't want to be angry all the time. I'm tired of it. And that I was much happier back at the academy."
The hand stroked across my head and I closed my eye as it brushed over it, "People change with time. I know I have changed since then. It's not necessarily a bad thing."
"No," I agreed, "But what I did is less change and more just... gotten angry at the universe. Things didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted it to. My time in Starfleet was not exactly what I had planned."
"For both of us I guess," Dinah agreed quietly.
I made a sound of agreement and shifted, putting my head on the floor next to her.
Neither of us said anything for a while but her hand shifted to rest on top of my head. It felt kinda nice actually. She was so light I could barely feel her leaning against it, it reminded me of when I was a human and had a kitten in my lap.
So tiny.
"You can't stay here forever."
"I know," I answered, "I just need a bit."
To figure out who I was... no, not who I was. Who I wanted to be. I knew who I had been, who I had been turned in to. Who I was... mattered a lot less than who I wanted to be.
Right now all I know is who I didn't want to be.
"Alright," nails scratching at the scales on top of my head, "But I'll check on you from time to time."
"Thank you," I said and lifted my head. Bumping my snout against her forehead, I then gave it a lick.
"Ew," she laughed and pushed my head away, "What's with the licking anyway?"
"Can't really do hugs."
Arms circled my head and pulled me close, "I don't know, you're doing alrig-ow!"
"Careful with the horn."
"How!? It's pitch black!"
But she didn't let go.