OverReactionGuy
Verified Sanity
This just seems off to me on all the characters. Can't quite place it but it's just off.
I mean, I think they new about the bullying for one.
I mean, I think they new about the bullying for one.
The Void Smiles Back [ZnT/Starry Eyes (Worm/Lovecraft)]
- Thread starter helnae
- Start date
- Crossover
They can't not know: Louise's classmates openly mock her in class, loudly enough that the teachers have to tell them to stop multiple times. Well, they're scheduled to tomorrow, at any rate; I see no reason that it wasn't that bad for most of First Form.
OverReactionGuy
Verified Sanity
Considering the state she was in at the start? It was that bad.
Probably even worse than was ever shown in canon. We see the tail end of it in canon, but imagine how much worse it had to be when every time she was asked to demonstrate something after describing it she got a blastwave instead of the effect she was going for.
BTW, I refuse to call the shockwaves that her magic caused explosions until she learns the proper explosion spell.
BTW, I refuse to call the shockwaves that her magic caused explosions until she learns the proper explosion spell.
hghwolf
Bird of contempt
I personally think the ambiguity works better for the story as a whole, especially for a reader with little to no ZnT metaknowledge.
Really? Interesting. That honestly surprises me.
Just to be clear, you mean the ambiguity of "it's mindcontroll" and "that's just how ZnT summons always act"?
- Location
- Russia
Maybe she is trying to avoid mass panic this time? Or being point of attention from crazy cult?
hghwolf
Bird of contempt
The ambiguity of 'is it or is it not mind control ?'. This is only relevant in the case that the reader is familiar with Starfield but not ZnT, and would thus be familiar with her character, but have no idea of the canon/fanon surrounding whatever mind control powers the familiar runes actually may or may not have.
I think it can be assumed that a reader of this would be familiar with 'Starry Eyes', seeing as this is recursive fanfiction, but it can`t neccesarily be assumed that the reader is familiar with ZnT, it`s popularity nonwihstanding.
I see. I personally have read too many fanfics where the MC acts just like this and it's not mind control, just bad writing, so I'm not really able to enjoy it much. Too many bad associations.
hghwolf
Bird of contempt
I don`t particularily 'enjoy' it either but I can accept that it might have a valid, narrative purpose in this specific case and muscle on through.
In many cases it`s just poor authors and lazy plot though, agreed.
I figure it has to be some sort of mindfuckery. Otherwise Taylor would have waaay too much of a Blackwell flashback to be tolerant of such one-sided treatment. Especially since NOTHING is being even suggested to help Louise.
While there are other possible explanations, I don't think Taylor is even close to the level of "I'll play nice now, so there will be less suspicion when the worst bullies just 'disappear'. Muahahaha." Poor Aria, deprived of potential snackies.
While there are other possible explanations, I don't think Taylor is even close to the level of "I'll play nice now, so there will be less suspicion when the worst bullies just 'disappear'. Muahahaha." Poor Aria, deprived of potential snackies.
- Location
- Earth Prime
This... really isn't helpful criticism, especially with the amount of generally negative feedback already given.
Please, guys, if you must criticize the chapter that has a "pending revisions" label at the top of the post it's in, try to at least offer come constructive advice. Don't just say, "You did this wrong," but outline what you think would have made it better.
As an example, if this is meant to be a scene where mind-control magic is altering Taylor's behavior to be cooperative, then some narrative hint that this is the case is probably in order. This can be tricky in first person.
If giving up her knives isn't important to the plot, then she probably shouldn't.
If mind-control isn't involved, then she probably should have some plan that we see shortly as to why the acquiescence was feigned.
But just dumping on it is not helpful. Yes, we all get it, everybody reading this thread gets it: people aren't happy with the chapter (that, I might add, is provided as free entertainment product to you). You're allowed to be unhappy with it, but when there's already been a lot of general "I don't like it" (and worse), adding more doesn't help. Especially when the author's acknowledged the criticisms and said he's trying to fix them.
Cut it out. It's rude, unhelpful, and generally ungrateful.
Evonix
Aspiring Lovecraft antagonist.
- Location
- Canada to 2 sigmas
I personally didn't really see much of a problem and think it's a bit early for me to tell. Anyway I interpret it as Taylor being somewhat in shock which means for her threatening people and keeping secrets whenever there's an oppertunity.
- Location
- Deep in the Badlands of Equestria
While I can agree that Taylor was pretty quick to give up her knives, I can see why she might do it with only minor complaint. Recall from her earlier experiments, she can have Aria manifest a little tooth tentacle that serves nicely as a blade for her purposes. The big drawback was that she needed to have a slit Aria could use as a starting point unless she wanted a random starting point for the first cut. Well, thanks to that new brand, she's got a series of ready-made openings Aria can work from now, though the placement is somewhat ecchi unless she plans to start wearing tops with a deep plunging neckline.
As for the bullying issue, in part that is a clash between Taylor's 21st century upbringing and mores and the more antiquated views held by the culture she's been thrust into. That being said, our wonderful author has indicated that edits are forthcoming, so I'll wait to see what changes are deemed necessary.
As for the bullying issue, in part that is a clash between Taylor's 21st century upbringing and mores and the more antiquated views held by the culture she's been thrust into. That being said, our wonderful author has indicated that edits are forthcoming, so I'll wait to see what changes are deemed necessary.
My main concern here is that this last section was all about Taylor interacting with Osmand while Louise was completely ignored. In the source material, a familiar is a legal extension of their master's person. Louise would be held accountable for Taylor's actions, and Taylor would be expected to remain silent unless called upon. I could see Taylor trying to interject herself into the conversation and explain the bullying, but I also imagine Louise would shout her down just as readily as Osmond and Colbert. Furthermore, Taylor wouldn't be told to disarm. Osmond would request that Louise disarm her familiar, and Louise would decide whether to accept or risk greater consequences.
serra2
Himouto! Sylvanas-chan
Yeah, on a reread, I noticed that Louise does not do anything in the scene at all. She just kind of sits in the background, content to be ignored. You figure she would interject at least once.
What really interests me there is how, if Louise's explosions were nearly as powerful in First Form as they were at canon start and people were bullying her so badly, why wasn't there already a trail of bodies being left behind? I mean, Louise is a Duke's daughter and most of the people bullying her were either minor functionaries or actual enemies of her House; given the standards of the time it wouldn't even be wrong of her to blow them up for insulting her, and thereby insulting her family.
That suggests to me that First Form Louise probably didn't even get blast waves before summoning her familiar; she was probably just getting small pops or flashes of light in the beginning, otherwise her peers wouldn't have felt safe in trying to count coup over her.
More than interjecting, Louise would be gravely offended by being ignored. In the source material, Louise was as protective of her familiar as she was abusive. Tsundere antics aside, Louise would not have allowed Taylor to be treated as if she were solely responsible for the actions down in the dining hall. It is strange enough that Osmond and Colbert are doing so. Remember, everyone expect Louise considers Taylor to be an ordinary commoner. Colbert even rationalized her 'tentacle' to be a mundane whip. Osmond and Colbert should have started this meeting with Louise as the focus, and Taylor as little more than a piece of sentient furniture.
Electric Heart
Verified Bookworm Yokai
- Location
- Behind you!
I love it <3
- Location
- Neptune
Noblesse oblige and her being a whole lot less murderous than the average poster here.
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GiftOfLove
From the Heart
Because duels are forbidden in the academy. Likely for this very reason.
Noblesse oblige is not going to smooth things over when a lesser noble publicly disrespects a member of a higher house. Noblesse oblige is all about the responsibilities and decorum attendant to the position of nobility and the privileges they enjoy, and maintaining the social order is among these responsibilities. In other words, a noble who allows open insults and harassment from a lesser noble (which Montmorency certainly seems to be, although Kirche is basically an equal even though her title suggests otherwise) would be seen as acting improperly and shirking their responsibilities.
Given that Louise has confidence issues related to her fitness as a noble due to her magic that would likely lead to her overcompensating on the aspects she can control, and the fact that she is angry as fuck at all the shit she's been taking, it would make sense for Louise to respond to Montmorency's harassment with immediate violence as soon as she has the capability of doing so, which she now does thanks to her familiar. Others would view this as the proper response given the relative position of both parties; equals such as Kirche would be entitled to duels instead of talk shit get hit, although duels are banned at the academy.
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- Pronouns
- Yes
People keep going on about how Taylor's behavior in the last chapter doesn't fit, but what bothered me more is the way everyone else's behavior doesn't fit.
This is for the most part a medieval/early modern feudal setting with everyone going around armed at all times. If Taylor had threatened a student with a knife I can see Louise being ordered to disarm her familiar,or if they were concerned about Taylor harming herself I can see them talking to Louise about that.
However the staff talking to Louise's familiar, or a commoner vassal of Louise, as if it had the right to make decisions on it's own does not make sense.
This is for the most part a medieval/early modern feudal setting with everyone going around armed at all times. If Taylor had threatened a student with a knife I can see Louise being ordered to disarm her familiar,or if they were concerned about Taylor harming herself I can see them talking to Louise about that.
However the staff talking to Louise's familiar, or a commoner vassal of Louise, as if it had the right to make decisions on it's own does not make sense.