The Villainess wants to be a Hero
- Thread starter dmclain2
- Start date
- Location
- Florida
[X] It's a really-shiny-dwarf with a fancy-looking piece of paper. [official option]
[X] It's burnt-custard from last night standing at the door. [clandestine option]
So how mad are her sister going to get when they realize someone gave her alcohol?
So how mad are her sister going to get when they realize someone gave her alcohol?
MagnificentMind
To Live is to Suffer
you sir/ma'am have gotten me hooked, been a while since I found a litrpg story/quest that I enjoyed
[X] It's a really-shiny-dwarf with a fancy-looking piece of paper. [official option]
[X] It's a really-shiny-dwarf with a fancy-looking piece of paper. [official option]
- Location
- Attached to a wall
- Pronouns
- She/Her
They are both meant to be positives in this context. Something being a bad idea means that Ciel can be entertaining.
This argument convinced me,
[X] It's burnt-custard from last night standing at the door. [clandestine option]
[X] It's burnt-custard from last night standing at the door. [clandestine option]
- Location
- Pittsburgh PA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] It's burnt-custard from last night standing at the door. [clandestine option]
I hadn't even thought about this as a potential arc. I'll have to find somewhere to fit it into our future shenanigans
Thanks. I like the genre in principal (and there are some excellent examples of it), but for me, at least, the prevalence of protagonists that have to be cool or badass or whatever really limits how much fun you can have with the story.
That said, I think I'll close it here and start writing either this afternoon or tomorrow morning.
I would be OK with a longer wait if it means you don't get hurt updating.
In which an Adventurer receives a quest
"You're not breakfast."
I move to close the door in burnt-custard's face so that she would go away and not be in the way when breakfast-deliverer shows up, however, before I can get the door all the way closed, she shoves her foot in the way and stops me. Fortunately for her, I'm not using [Superior Strength] to close the door—Because El has lectured me more than once about never making loud noises in the morning—otherwise I might have squished her foot. Unfortunately, that means that she's still there, smiling that dessert-stealing smile of hers.
"Now is that any way to treat someone who invited you to the premier automata combat event of the season?" Burnt-custard's smile shifts until it looks somehow… sharp… not sharp like my sword or a [Calamity's] fang or anything actually sharp, but still kind of sharp. "Or someone who is trying to retrieve stolen property?"
"What stolen property?" I didn't take wrinkly-jerky's shiny-breastplate, even though I kind of beat him up once. And that wasn't even hers to begin with, anyway.
"Oh? Then did I hallucinate you running off with my automata-"
"Ciel, if that's not my coffee then shut the door and come sit down. We have a day to arrange." Burnt-custard's smile twitches a bit as El's voice cuts her off.
I turn back down the hallway to respond to my teammate—because it's important to look at people when you talk to them—but when I do, burnt-custard, somehow manages to slip around me and into our rooms. Her dessert-stealing smile grows wider as she shuts the door behind her, "these are nicer rooms than I would have expected."
"That's because I got a huge reward for scaring off my- I mean the [Calamity of Pride] but they gave it all to El since I was asleep because she beat me up a lot."
"You don't look all that scary," burnt-custard's smile shifts to look like a wolf after he had just chased down and eaten something small and furry. "But then you did take care of Kazrik rather handily so…"
"Yeah, all I had to do was use my ultimate stealth technique and-"
Her grin widens as she brushes past me and into the lounging room. "It's not often I get to see an adventurer assault a [Guard Captain], after all."
I follow along behind tattling-custard just fast enough to see my teammate frown at burnt-custard and then at me. "Ciel."
Oh no. El sounds like she does right before she's going to say something mean like 'No dessert for you, today, Ciel.' I'd better do something right now. Otherwise, she'd order something with too many vegetables and not enough meat for dinner tonight. Not that vegetables weren't tasty and crunchy, but a growing [Calamity] needed her daily servings of cow and pig and chicken and fish and-
My genius mind pokes me. I wipe discreetly at a thin trail of drool and then open my mouth and put the plan my genius mind had suggested into action, "Hey El. This is burnt-custard. The one I was telling you about last night. I think she's here to pick up Spinny and then leave immediately without saying anything about anyone assaulting anyone so she can take him to a [Spinny-Healer]."
"That's not… Fine. We can put a spell anchor on you assaulting a [Guard Captain] for a minute." El stares at burnt-custard and I quickly hide my fist-pump—I really am a genius—when she turns to me. "Who's your new friend?"
I look around in confusion. El and Markus are perched on a couch next to each other and staring at me. They're not friends, they're my teammates and in a two-way tie for my second favorite person—my sisters are in a six-way tie for first. Then I look at Spinny. He's fun to be around, especially when he starts tickling people, but he's a former-temporary-teammate, and that's not a friend either. Then I look over at burnt-custard, who's smiling her dessert-stealing smile at me. She's definitely not a friend, even though she took me to a cool arena and let me have rampage-juice. In fact, she's more like Riri with the smiles and the arched eyebrows and all of Riri's Ririness, but also nowhere near as cool or awesome or great as my sister. So instead of answering my teammate's question, all I can do is ask one of my own.
"What friend? You already met Spinny, and we've been teammates with furry-Markus for weeks now."
Burnt-custard makes a sound that's kind of a mix between choking and laughing and El turns her squinty-eyed stare back and forth between the two of us before asking, "Who's the strange dwarf, Ciel?"
"She's burnt-custard. Didn't I say that?"
"You did, I'm asking what her name is."
"It's burnt-custard…"
I ignore another choked-laugh sound from burnt-custard as I look at El in concern. She frequently had trouble remembering things in the mornings before she had her nasty-drink, but this was bad, even by that standard.
Before I can ask if she needs to see a [Healer], burnt-custard speaks, "As amusing as this is, I'd prefer to be called Briga Steamforge rather than burnt-custard by anyone else."
El makes a strange, sort of pinched-up face at that before bringing her hand to her eyes and rubbing them. At the same time she's rubbing her eyes, Markus drops his furry-head to the couch cushions and covers his eyes with both paws. I, on the other hand, turn to burnt-custard in confusion.
"But why? Your voice is smooth and smokey, just like custard with the little burnt bits on top of it. That's way more cool than Briga Steamforge."
Burnt- No. Briga—names are important, even when you have to shorten yours so that the words don't start to curdle and warp reality—stares at me and her smile shifts from dessert-stealing to let's-steal-some-dessert-together, "Perhaps in your case, I can make an exception…"
"Does that mean…" I trail off only to grin as she nods. My grin widens as I look over at El, who is still busy rubbing her eyes, "See, El. I told you. She's burnt-custard."
"Ciel."
"Yes?"
"Stop talking."
"Ok."
Burnt-custard's smile shifts all the way back to dessert-stealing, "My… what a rude way to treat a younger sister."
A frown forms in my chest at that and works its way up to my face. If Bel or Aza forbid Ashe found out someone was pretending to be my sister there'd be blood. Oceans of it. But since not I'm allowed to talk I couldn't tell them that. Still, since I didn't want my teammates—or the rest of the city, since I haven't had a chance to try any of the food stands that we passed by yesterday—dissolved and reformed as [Blood Golems] I frantically try to tell burnt-custard that El isn't one of my sisters without opening my mouth. Unfortunately, all that comes out is a 'hrmm hmm hrumm huurm.'
Fortunately, El clears up the potentially cataclysmic confusion almost as well as I would have, "As amusing as watching Ciel destroy the fortune and reputation of the Aldenard Consortium would doubtless be, my eldest brother is doing that well enough with his… expeditions. Thankfully, Ciel is just my teammate and team leader."
I raise my fist up and muffle out a 'Yeah, we're the Little Calamities and we're the best adventurer team in the world' when burnt-custard turns to me with a raised eyebrow. Then she looks between El and me for a moment before shrugging slightly, "In that case-"
"No." El's voice snaps like a [Calamity's] jaws snapping shut
Burnt-custard sounds extra burnt and smokey as she repeats, "No?"
My teammate's face scrunches up just like it does before she gives one of her shouty-lectures, "No. I don't care if you're the heir of clan Steamforge or the [Emperor] of Ruujin. It's too early to deal with this shit. So, unless your next words are an offer to scurry down to the kitchen and return with a pot of coffee, then you can kindly turn around, get the fuck out, and come back this afternoon."
Burnt-custard looks like a fox standing over a chicken coop full of dead and eviscerated chickens, "you're not even a little curious why-"
"Mmm. MMh. MMH!" I try my best to interrupt without speaking.
El looks at me with a squinty stare and tries to trick me into speaking by asking, "What, Ciel?"
I'm too smart to get caught by that, though. Even Soph couldn't beat me at the quiet game, and she could sleep for months on end. "Mmm. MMh."
"Fine, Ciel, you can speak again."
My mouth practically explodes open so I can ask, "You're a [Princess], burnt-custard?!?"
"Among other things," she smiles her smile.
My grin widens so far that my face would have split in half if I were in my larger form and it takes all of my secret-[Calamity] powers to not start jumping up and down while pumping my fists in the air. I'd rescued a princess! A princess in disguise! That was something [Heroes] did! Now all I had to do was find a cool sword and kill a dragon and then I'd-
My genius mind pokes me and my grin falls almost as far as it had grown. Oh no! I'm not ready for this! I wasn't supposed to rescue a [Princess] for several more arcs! I still needed to vanquish a starter-[Villain] who would reveal a world-spanning conspiracy with their final breath. Then I'd need to find the trail of the next [Villain] who'd beat me up really good so I could go on a training arc and get super strong. It's only after that arc that I'd be ready to rescue the [Princess] from her moldy dungeon or lonely tower or whatever.
What kind of [Hero] would I be if I skipped all those arcs? A bad one, that's what. The kind of [Hero] that had to tell people they were a [Hero]. Besides, I didn't even have my [Bard] teammate yet to make cool songs about me. And if no one made poems and songs and wrote books about me then when I retired with my fiery-sword to run a local bar no one would remember to call me back to fight the 'you thought he was the real [Villain], but it was actually me all along'-[Villain] and then everything would go-
"Ciel, whatever you're thinking about, stop." El's words pierce through the frantic circling of my thoughts.
I grin thankfully at her and then turn to rescued-[Princess] who had apparently decided to show up here, ostensibly to check on Spinny, but she didn't need to wear that thick cloak to do that. A cloak like that could only mean one thing, and I didn't even need my genius mind to tell me what. After all, what other reason could a disguise-[Princess] have to sneak out and meet with the adventurer who rescued them? She has a quest for us. And even if I'm not ready for it, there's really only one answer any soon-to-be-[Hero] could give.
"I accept!"
"What?"
"Chirp?"
"How did you know?"
Breakfast came with huge, fluffy biscuits, three different kinds of pig—slices of bacon so thick it looked like ham yet somehow still crispy the whole way through, spicy sausages shaped into nice round balls, and steaks made out of ham—eggs that were poached and fried and scrambled, thick pieces of toast fried up and covered in powdery sugar and syrupy sugar, and even breaded pieces of meat breakfast-deliverer had called rothe covered in gravy. Oh, it also came with nasty-drink for El, a bowl of pecans for Markus, and nothing for custard-[Princess] because El had said she was an uninvited guest and uninvited guests did not deserve food.
I swallow my last bite of my crispy-bacon-biscuit and settle back against the chair cushions. A satisfied grin crosses my face as I survey the aftermath of my food-rampage. It nowhere near the most impressive food-rampage I'd ever had—that would be drinking the [Well of Urdr] dry—but considering that my [Liminal Stomachs] were sealed away with the rest of my [Calamity] powers, it wasn't too bad a food-rampage either.
Burnt-custard mutters something like, 'that's a lot less cute,' and I nod in agreement inside myself—since El had told me I was supposed to pretend like I couldn't hear her when people muttered things like that—cute things were mostly for eating and I'd done a lot of eating.
"What kind of quest do you have for us, burnt-custard?" My voice interrupts the silence left after I'd stopped devouring my meal. "Are we going searching for an ancient relic so that you can become queen of all the dwarves rather than just your clan? Or is there some kind of leader to the not-food monsters that we can go and beat up?"
"That's…" burnt-custard stares at me for a long moment with the same kind of squinty stare that El used when she heard me say something super smart and awesome. "I'm not sure."
"How very helpful," El's voice sounds like the syrup I'd poured over my fried toast, but not actually, since that didn't make any noise. It's more like an ooziness mixed with sweet and the tanginess of poplar.
"A six member [Scout] team was deployed to investigate a seam in an abandoned mine. Only one of them returned."
Burnt-custard stares at El and El stares right back, but neither of them say anything. In fact the silence stretches on for long enough that I'm not sure… my genius mind pokes me. Oooh. It's a staring contest. Maybe I could play too? Not even my sisters could beat me in a staring contest. I turn to look at Markus, but he just shakes his head. Boo.
I look from one side of the staring contest to the other, but neither of them seem like they're going to blink. Should I respect the sanctity of the staring contest and wait until they're done or… No. This is my [Princess] quest! I don't have weeks to wait for one of them to blink. I need to know what my quest is now!
"So you want us to go into the mine and kill all the not-food monsters there?"
Burnt-custard jolts slightly and loses the staring contest as she looks away from El and toward me. Normally, I'd feel bad about causing her to lose, but my teammates are second on my list of favorite people and she's not. "Ordinarily no, but the returning [Scout] reported that during their investigation they'd come a newly carved tunnel that led to an unmapped section of the Deep Roads."
My legs start to wiggle with an excitement even all my secret-[Calamity] powers can barely contain. The Deep Roads! The Deep Roads! The Deep Roads were where the [Heroes] in my books would go to find super awesome artifacts and fiery-beam-shooting swords! They were where dwarves in ancient times built a world spanning underground empire until some cataclysm or other—though not me or one of my sisters, it happened long before we were born here—broke their empire and sent them toward the surface!
I can't believe that they're so close! As soon as burnt-custard goes away, I'll have to find some way to tell my sisters that I can't play [Heroes] and [Villains] with them right now! I have a Deep Roads entrance to explore! We can always play later once I've gotten a shiny new breastplate with ancient runes that make me look like I'm a walking inferno or that repel sword attacks back into the faces of people that try and stab me and I can show them the fiery beams that shoot from my swords and we can have a final battle on top of a mountain and then we can go eat dinner together and I can tell them about all my adventures and-
My genius mind pokes me and my eyes start to burn with excitement—thankfully my [Annihilation] beams are sealed away with the rest of my [Calamity] powers or burnt-custard might have been in trouble—not only were the Deep Roads close by, a [Princess] is about to ask me to explore them! There's no way we wouldn't find something cool and awesome down there now.
"-and while ordinarily I would leave the task to the [Clan Guard], with the recent signs of aggression from Ironhelm and Silverlake, we don't have the dwarf-power to spare."
I blink as I realize the conversation had continued while I'd been lost in contemplation. "So you want us to explore and find stuff?"
Burnt-custard makes a sound like a laugh, but without actually laughing. "Yes. According to what little I could find in the restricted sections of my clan's library, I believe one of the Founding Thaigs may be near enough to our current location that it should be accessible through this newly found entrance."
"If the Road is still intact," El chimes in before I can, "and if we can make it past whatever it is that slaughtered your [Scouts]."
"Yes. I realize it is a dangerous and probably deadly thing I am asking of you, but I need someone I can trust to see this through. Someone strong enough to go down there and come back alive. If only to tell us what evil awaits us. And despite her appearance, I've seen enough of Ciel's strength to believe in it."
Burnt-custard looks at me and then at El and finally at Markus me without smiling her dessert-stealing smile even once.
"So if she trusts in your strength enough to make you members of her team, I'll believe in that too."
"I've seen this idiot do some rather amazing things as well." El makes a huff-y sort of sound at that. A moment later, she grins. "But I suppose whether we go or not is a decision for our team leader, isn't it?"
"Chirp!"
"Alright! Team Little Calamities go! Let's:
[] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
[] "go beat up some not-food monsters." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Riri's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through ambush attacks and eventual war. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the fight against underground monsters.]
[AN]
Some of you may have noticed, but I will be (and have been) borrowing bits and pieces from a video game I liked that's *checks release date* almost 15 years old now... fuck, I'm getting old.
I move to close the door in burnt-custard's face so that she would go away and not be in the way when breakfast-deliverer shows up, however, before I can get the door all the way closed, she shoves her foot in the way and stops me. Fortunately for her, I'm not using [Superior Strength] to close the door—Because El has lectured me more than once about never making loud noises in the morning—otherwise I might have squished her foot. Unfortunately, that means that she's still there, smiling that dessert-stealing smile of hers.
"Now is that any way to treat someone who invited you to the premier automata combat event of the season?" Burnt-custard's smile shifts until it looks somehow… sharp… not sharp like my sword or a [Calamity's] fang or anything actually sharp, but still kind of sharp. "Or someone who is trying to retrieve stolen property?"
"What stolen property?" I didn't take wrinkly-jerky's shiny-breastplate, even though I kind of beat him up once. And that wasn't even hers to begin with, anyway.
"Oh? Then did I hallucinate you running off with my automata-"
"Ciel, if that's not my coffee then shut the door and come sit down. We have a day to arrange." Burnt-custard's smile twitches a bit as El's voice cuts her off.
I turn back down the hallway to respond to my teammate—because it's important to look at people when you talk to them—but when I do, burnt-custard, somehow manages to slip around me and into our rooms. Her dessert-stealing smile grows wider as she shuts the door behind her, "these are nicer rooms than I would have expected."
"That's because I got a huge reward for scaring off my- I mean the [Calamity of Pride] but they gave it all to El since I was asleep because she beat me up a lot."
"You don't look all that scary," burnt-custard's smile shifts to look like a wolf after he had just chased down and eaten something small and furry. "But then you did take care of Kazrik rather handily so…"
"Yeah, all I had to do was use my ultimate stealth technique and-"
Her grin widens as she brushes past me and into the lounging room. "It's not often I get to see an adventurer assault a [Guard Captain], after all."
I follow along behind tattling-custard just fast enough to see my teammate frown at burnt-custard and then at me. "Ciel."
Oh no. El sounds like she does right before she's going to say something mean like 'No dessert for you, today, Ciel.' I'd better do something right now. Otherwise, she'd order something with too many vegetables and not enough meat for dinner tonight. Not that vegetables weren't tasty and crunchy, but a growing [Calamity] needed her daily servings of cow and pig and chicken and fish and-
My genius mind pokes me. I wipe discreetly at a thin trail of drool and then open my mouth and put the plan my genius mind had suggested into action, "Hey El. This is burnt-custard. The one I was telling you about last night. I think she's here to pick up Spinny and then leave immediately without saying anything about anyone assaulting anyone so she can take him to a [Spinny-Healer]."
"That's not… Fine. We can put a spell anchor on you assaulting a [Guard Captain] for a minute." El stares at burnt-custard and I quickly hide my fist-pump—I really am a genius—when she turns to me. "Who's your new friend?"
I look around in confusion. El and Markus are perched on a couch next to each other and staring at me. They're not friends, they're my teammates and in a two-way tie for my second favorite person—my sisters are in a six-way tie for first. Then I look at Spinny. He's fun to be around, especially when he starts tickling people, but he's a former-temporary-teammate, and that's not a friend either. Then I look over at burnt-custard, who's smiling her dessert-stealing smile at me. She's definitely not a friend, even though she took me to a cool arena and let me have rampage-juice. In fact, she's more like Riri with the smiles and the arched eyebrows and all of Riri's Ririness, but also nowhere near as cool or awesome or great as my sister. So instead of answering my teammate's question, all I can do is ask one of my own.
"What friend? You already met Spinny, and we've been teammates with furry-Markus for weeks now."
Burnt-custard makes a sound that's kind of a mix between choking and laughing and El turns her squinty-eyed stare back and forth between the two of us before asking, "Who's the strange dwarf, Ciel?"
"She's burnt-custard. Didn't I say that?"
"You did, I'm asking what her name is."
"It's burnt-custard…"
I ignore another choked-laugh sound from burnt-custard as I look at El in concern. She frequently had trouble remembering things in the mornings before she had her nasty-drink, but this was bad, even by that standard.
Before I can ask if she needs to see a [Healer], burnt-custard speaks, "As amusing as this is, I'd prefer to be called Briga Steamforge rather than burnt-custard by anyone else."
El makes a strange, sort of pinched-up face at that before bringing her hand to her eyes and rubbing them. At the same time she's rubbing her eyes, Markus drops his furry-head to the couch cushions and covers his eyes with both paws. I, on the other hand, turn to burnt-custard in confusion.
"But why? Your voice is smooth and smokey, just like custard with the little burnt bits on top of it. That's way more cool than Briga Steamforge."
Burnt- No. Briga—names are important, even when you have to shorten yours so that the words don't start to curdle and warp reality—stares at me and her smile shifts from dessert-stealing to let's-steal-some-dessert-together, "Perhaps in your case, I can make an exception…"
"Does that mean…" I trail off only to grin as she nods. My grin widens as I look over at El, who is still busy rubbing her eyes, "See, El. I told you. She's burnt-custard."
"Ciel."
"Yes?"
"Stop talking."
"Ok."
Burnt-custard's smile shifts all the way back to dessert-stealing, "My… what a rude way to treat a younger sister."
A frown forms in my chest at that and works its way up to my face. If Bel or Aza forbid Ashe found out someone was pretending to be my sister there'd be blood. Oceans of it. But since not I'm allowed to talk I couldn't tell them that. Still, since I didn't want my teammates—or the rest of the city, since I haven't had a chance to try any of the food stands that we passed by yesterday—dissolved and reformed as [Blood Golems] I frantically try to tell burnt-custard that El isn't one of my sisters without opening my mouth. Unfortunately, all that comes out is a 'hrmm hmm hrumm huurm.'
Fortunately, El clears up the potentially cataclysmic confusion almost as well as I would have, "As amusing as watching Ciel destroy the fortune and reputation of the Aldenard Consortium would doubtless be, my eldest brother is doing that well enough with his… expeditions. Thankfully, Ciel is just my teammate and team leader."
I raise my fist up and muffle out a 'Yeah, we're the Little Calamities and we're the best adventurer team in the world' when burnt-custard turns to me with a raised eyebrow. Then she looks between El and me for a moment before shrugging slightly, "In that case-"
"No." El's voice snaps like a [Calamity's] jaws snapping shut
Burnt-custard sounds extra burnt and smokey as she repeats, "No?"
My teammate's face scrunches up just like it does before she gives one of her shouty-lectures, "No. I don't care if you're the heir of clan Steamforge or the [Emperor] of Ruujin. It's too early to deal with this shit. So, unless your next words are an offer to scurry down to the kitchen and return with a pot of coffee, then you can kindly turn around, get the fuck out, and come back this afternoon."
Burnt-custard looks like a fox standing over a chicken coop full of dead and eviscerated chickens, "you're not even a little curious why-"
"Mmm. MMh. MMH!" I try my best to interrupt without speaking.
El looks at me with a squinty stare and tries to trick me into speaking by asking, "What, Ciel?"
I'm too smart to get caught by that, though. Even Soph couldn't beat me at the quiet game, and she could sleep for months on end. "Mmm. MMh."
"Fine, Ciel, you can speak again."
My mouth practically explodes open so I can ask, "You're a [Princess], burnt-custard?!?"
"Among other things," she smiles her smile.
My grin widens so far that my face would have split in half if I were in my larger form and it takes all of my secret-[Calamity] powers to not start jumping up and down while pumping my fists in the air. I'd rescued a princess! A princess in disguise! That was something [Heroes] did! Now all I had to do was find a cool sword and kill a dragon and then I'd-
My genius mind pokes me and my grin falls almost as far as it had grown. Oh no! I'm not ready for this! I wasn't supposed to rescue a [Princess] for several more arcs! I still needed to vanquish a starter-[Villain] who would reveal a world-spanning conspiracy with their final breath. Then I'd need to find the trail of the next [Villain] who'd beat me up really good so I could go on a training arc and get super strong. It's only after that arc that I'd be ready to rescue the [Princess] from her moldy dungeon or lonely tower or whatever.
What kind of [Hero] would I be if I skipped all those arcs? A bad one, that's what. The kind of [Hero] that had to tell people they were a [Hero]. Besides, I didn't even have my [Bard] teammate yet to make cool songs about me. And if no one made poems and songs and wrote books about me then when I retired with my fiery-sword to run a local bar no one would remember to call me back to fight the 'you thought he was the real [Villain], but it was actually me all along'-[Villain] and then everything would go-
"Ciel, whatever you're thinking about, stop." El's words pierce through the frantic circling of my thoughts.
I grin thankfully at her and then turn to rescued-[Princess] who had apparently decided to show up here, ostensibly to check on Spinny, but she didn't need to wear that thick cloak to do that. A cloak like that could only mean one thing, and I didn't even need my genius mind to tell me what. After all, what other reason could a disguise-[Princess] have to sneak out and meet with the adventurer who rescued them? She has a quest for us. And even if I'm not ready for it, there's really only one answer any soon-to-be-[Hero] could give.
"I accept!"
"What?"
"Chirp?"
"How did you know?"
Breakfast came with huge, fluffy biscuits, three different kinds of pig—slices of bacon so thick it looked like ham yet somehow still crispy the whole way through, spicy sausages shaped into nice round balls, and steaks made out of ham—eggs that were poached and fried and scrambled, thick pieces of toast fried up and covered in powdery sugar and syrupy sugar, and even breaded pieces of meat breakfast-deliverer had called rothe covered in gravy. Oh, it also came with nasty-drink for El, a bowl of pecans for Markus, and nothing for custard-[Princess] because El had said she was an uninvited guest and uninvited guests did not deserve food.
I swallow my last bite of my crispy-bacon-biscuit and settle back against the chair cushions. A satisfied grin crosses my face as I survey the aftermath of my food-rampage. It nowhere near the most impressive food-rampage I'd ever had—that would be drinking the [Well of Urdr] dry—but considering that my [Liminal Stomachs] were sealed away with the rest of my [Calamity] powers, it wasn't too bad a food-rampage either.
Burnt-custard mutters something like, 'that's a lot less cute,' and I nod in agreement inside myself—since El had told me I was supposed to pretend like I couldn't hear her when people muttered things like that—cute things were mostly for eating and I'd done a lot of eating.
"What kind of quest do you have for us, burnt-custard?" My voice interrupts the silence left after I'd stopped devouring my meal. "Are we going searching for an ancient relic so that you can become queen of all the dwarves rather than just your clan? Or is there some kind of leader to the not-food monsters that we can go and beat up?"
"That's…" burnt-custard stares at me for a long moment with the same kind of squinty stare that El used when she heard me say something super smart and awesome. "I'm not sure."
"How very helpful," El's voice sounds like the syrup I'd poured over my fried toast, but not actually, since that didn't make any noise. It's more like an ooziness mixed with sweet and the tanginess of poplar.
"A six member [Scout] team was deployed to investigate a seam in an abandoned mine. Only one of them returned."
Burnt-custard stares at El and El stares right back, but neither of them say anything. In fact the silence stretches on for long enough that I'm not sure… my genius mind pokes me. Oooh. It's a staring contest. Maybe I could play too? Not even my sisters could beat me in a staring contest. I turn to look at Markus, but he just shakes his head. Boo.
I look from one side of the staring contest to the other, but neither of them seem like they're going to blink. Should I respect the sanctity of the staring contest and wait until they're done or… No. This is my [Princess] quest! I don't have weeks to wait for one of them to blink. I need to know what my quest is now!
"So you want us to go into the mine and kill all the not-food monsters there?"
Burnt-custard jolts slightly and loses the staring contest as she looks away from El and toward me. Normally, I'd feel bad about causing her to lose, but my teammates are second on my list of favorite people and she's not. "Ordinarily no, but the returning [Scout] reported that during their investigation they'd come a newly carved tunnel that led to an unmapped section of the Deep Roads."
My legs start to wiggle with an excitement even all my secret-[Calamity] powers can barely contain. The Deep Roads! The Deep Roads! The Deep Roads were where the [Heroes] in my books would go to find super awesome artifacts and fiery-beam-shooting swords! They were where dwarves in ancient times built a world spanning underground empire until some cataclysm or other—though not me or one of my sisters, it happened long before we were born here—broke their empire and sent them toward the surface!
I can't believe that they're so close! As soon as burnt-custard goes away, I'll have to find some way to tell my sisters that I can't play [Heroes] and [Villains] with them right now! I have a Deep Roads entrance to explore! We can always play later once I've gotten a shiny new breastplate with ancient runes that make me look like I'm a walking inferno or that repel sword attacks back into the faces of people that try and stab me and I can show them the fiery beams that shoot from my swords and we can have a final battle on top of a mountain and then we can go eat dinner together and I can tell them about all my adventures and-
My genius mind pokes me and my eyes start to burn with excitement—thankfully my [Annihilation] beams are sealed away with the rest of my [Calamity] powers or burnt-custard might have been in trouble—not only were the Deep Roads close by, a [Princess] is about to ask me to explore them! There's no way we wouldn't find something cool and awesome down there now.
"-and while ordinarily I would leave the task to the [Clan Guard], with the recent signs of aggression from Ironhelm and Silverlake, we don't have the dwarf-power to spare."
I blink as I realize the conversation had continued while I'd been lost in contemplation. "So you want us to explore and find stuff?"
Burnt-custard makes a sound like a laugh, but without actually laughing. "Yes. According to what little I could find in the restricted sections of my clan's library, I believe one of the Founding Thaigs may be near enough to our current location that it should be accessible through this newly found entrance."
"If the Road is still intact," El chimes in before I can, "and if we can make it past whatever it is that slaughtered your [Scouts]."
"Yes. I realize it is a dangerous and probably deadly thing I am asking of you, but I need someone I can trust to see this through. Someone strong enough to go down there and come back alive. If only to tell us what evil awaits us. And despite her appearance, I've seen enough of Ciel's strength to believe in it."
Burnt-custard looks at me and then at El and finally at Markus me without smiling her dessert-stealing smile even once.
"So if she trusts in your strength enough to make you members of her team, I'll believe in that too."
"I've seen this idiot do some rather amazing things as well." El makes a huff-y sort of sound at that. A moment later, she grins. "But I suppose whether we go or not is a decision for our team leader, isn't it?"
"Chirp!"
"Alright! Team Little Calamities go! Let's:
[] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
[] "go beat up some not-food monsters." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Riri's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through ambush attacks and eventual war. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the fight against underground monsters.]
[AN]
Some of you may have noticed, but I will be (and have been) borrowing bits and pieces from a video game I liked that's *checks release date* almost 15 years old now... fuck, I'm getting old.
[x] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
Are you really a hero if more than half the continents royalty don't owe you their throne?
Are you really a hero if more than half the continents royalty don't owe you their throne?
Seeing Ciel fail upwards in politics would be no doubt amusing, but beating up monsters is cool.
[X] "go beat up some not-food monsters." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Riri's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through ambush attacks and eventual war. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the fight against underground monsters.]
[X] "go beat up some not-food monsters." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Riri's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through ambush attacks and eventual war. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the fight against underground monsters.]
- Location
- Florida
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
Eternal_0bserver
(Unverified Bookworm)
- Location
- Earth, Northern Europe
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
- Location
- Pittsburgh PA
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
- Pronouns
- He/Him
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
MagnificentMind
To Live is to Suffer
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]
- Location
- Earth
[X] "Find that ancient relic so burnt-custard can become queen." Ciel and her team will begin working to thwart Ashe's plan of throwing Jhoral into chaos through political subversion. [Choose this option if you want subsequent arcs to focus on the contest for the throne.]