This is the order of the underworld; the most wretched and wicked are condemned to Tartarus, the main part of mankind find themselves in Asphodel which now might be considered an unjust punishment since it was flooded with fire, and the greatest specimens of humanity live in bliss in Elysium. It is a mystery of the gods why that involves being a floating eyeball, but all men know that Lord Hades has his reasons.
For his part, Prince Zagreus had not managed to run into the very angry and murderous Ghost of Sparta in quite a while. Perhaps the ever-shifting chambers of Tartarus had trapped him within a maze, or perhaps he had been worn down by the endlessly arriving denizens of the darkest pits and subjected to some ironic punishment. The man clearly had issues. Maybe he'd be able to burn off some of that anger after a few centuries. Honestly, being angry for so long sounded exhausting. Zagreus tried to avoid it.
Unfortunately, his repeated attempts to get through blessed Elysium was stirring no small ire in him. Well, no. It was Theseus. It was entirely Theseus. Theseus and his popinjay attitude and the way he kept on calling Zagreus a 'blackguard' and, of course, the way that tanned bastard kept on throwing spears at him when he was trying to have a civilised one-on-one fight with Asterius.
"I have no idea what Asterius sees in him," Zagreus groaned, rubbing his back where the spear had run him through. The bull-man was a wonderful example of the fact that one should not judge people by their appearance. But then again Theseus should entirely be judged for his.
Feeling stiff, he ambled over to the newly added pile of towels and dried his face. See! Look at him, being a productive grown-up! Taking steps to advance the House of Hades, which he wasn't even going to stay in! Doing more than his obol-hoarding father who was sitting on all this wealth and hadn't even paid the pittance to fix up the longue from all the damage Cerberus did. That tight-fisted old man!
"Is something wrong?" Hypnos asked, as he passed him. "You look out of sorts. Oh! I know what it is! Says here you got killed by the Champion of Elysium again, so it must be you just realised that you forgot to get me an autograph! Don't worry, though! I forgive you! And-" He trailed off. "Huh, someone's coming through. I can't believe you managed to die while standing right here in front of me!"
"I'm not dead."
"Yes, but it's always you, these days! Well, you, or the Fury Sisters, or…"
"Murderer!" snapped the new arrival.
"Eeep!" Hypnos shrank back into his robes.
Corpse-like Tisiphone, sister to deathless Megaera, pulled herself from the bloody waters. Her single violet wing hung behind her, coiled in agitation. Red sluiced from her sickly green garb.
Zagreus passed her a towel. "Oh, Tisiphone," he said. "How lovely to see you. We normally only see each other out in Tartarus. And you know how these things go. You kill me, I kill you, rinse and repeat."
Tisiphone took the towel and blotted off her face. "Zah-gree-us," she said by way of thanks.
"You do know it wasn't me that killed you this time. Which does kind of leave me wondering who did it."
"Murderer," she explained.
"By any chance was it a very angry man with white skin, Tisiphone? With chains?"
"Mmmmurder! Murderer!" she agreed emphatically.
"Yeah, I don't like him much either. So he's gotten past you. And is heading up into Asphodel?"
"Muuurderer," Tisiphone said morosely.
"Yes, my father probably won't be very pleased." Zagreus paused, and considered it. "Though he's not pleased when I get past you either, so it probably won't be that bad. Or at least as bad as you fear"
"Zhaaaaaagreus," Tisiphone said, shaking her head. Those strange eyes - so unlike her sisters - locked on him. "Murderer! Murder mmmmurder!" She jabbed a finger upwards. "Murderer!"
"I didn't murder anyone, Tisiphone. Please, understand that."
She shook her head and stomped her foot. "Murderer!"
"You're saying he's a murderer? He murder murder murder a lot?"
"Murderer!" she agreed.
"And now he's loose in Asphodel." Zagreus winced, sucking in air between his teeth. "Well, you have orders to not hang around the House, Tisiphone, so you should probably make yourself scarce. I'll mention it to my father."
"Zagreuuuuuus," she said, handing him back the towel, before striding off. Zagreus shook his head, handing the towels off to the spectral attendant. And then he went to speak to his father.
"Oh look, everyone, he's back once again," the old man announced, barely looking up from his work.
"Yes, I had a nice little walk to Elysium. Got to see some greenery, stretch my legs. It really does wonders for my mood. You should try it someday. Maybe it would help yours."
"What would help my mood, boy, is if I didn't have my one and only son running around my domain, plundering and thieving to his heart's content."
"Oh, goodness, father. I had thought that it was the walk and the greenery that helped my mood, but you know, it could have been the plundering. Maybe you should try that too." Zagreus realised he was probably getting off topic. "I just saw Tisiphone. She got killed by someone who wasn't me."
"Well, the Furies are clearly getting soft, to lose to you as often as they do." Hades flipped over his paperwork. "Maybe you could prove me wrong by letting Alecto cut your head off."
"Father. Who is the Ghost of Sparta?"
Because he was looking for it, Zagreus saw the tenseness in his father's shoulders, heard the drawing in of breath, felt the temperature drop a few degrees. "Look at this. The boy is interested once more in the affairs of his father's kingdom. He is none of your concern."
"He's killed me three times, you know."
"As per Hypnos's reports, he is therefore still less lethal than spikes on the floor."
"Father. He beat Tisiphone. He's loose in Asphodel."
Hades let out a long sigh. "He is another one of your uncle's by-blows. He is a murderer, an oath-breaker, and a man blinded by foolish rage. His place is in Tartarus. If you can send him back to the prison for wretched souls such as himself, I will see you get the bounty. Is that what you want? Can you cease your endless yammering and leave me to work?"
"My unc-" Zagreus cut himself off. "Fine. You don't want to talk about it. Fine. You're probably not even going to clarify which uncle, but I don't need you to tell me. I'll find it out myself."
"And no doubt you will die repeatedly doing so." Hades dipped his quill in the inkpot. "Still, dying in futility against an escaped prisoner is a more productive use of your time than dying in futility trying to escape yourself. Don't let me detain you."
"I-" Breathe. "I'll beat him! And I'll prove you wrong!"
Well, he'd had worse conversations with his father.
