The Chaldea Security Organisation... is not a thing yet, because they never managed to get any funding. So sad. The Wizard Marshal has offered to step in, if they'll give him a hand with these Class Cards that have been popping up all over London. Enter our bold Magical Boy, Fujimaru Ritsuka! His intrepid partner, Mash Kyrielight! And the horrible sticks making their lives hell!
The Thrilling Adventures of Kaleido Garnet [F/GO, Prisma Illya]
- Thread starter Rob Rimsill
- Start date
- Created
- Status
- Ongoing
- Watchers
- 306
- Recent readers
- 0
- Threadmarks
- 15
-
Statistics (15 threadmarks, 66k words)
User Total Rob Rimsill 15
Chapter 1 - In which Fujimaru Ritsuka nails an interview
- Location
- Probably at sea
A/N: Hello all! I needed a break from A Poisoned Chalice, to prove I could still write something that wasn't that. So I've taken the incredibly bold step of... writing yet another Fate fic. Baby steps, Rob. Anyway, this is my first stab at writing a humour fic, which is an entirely different writing challenge than I'm used to. Usually, I'd point out that if you enjoyed this, you could read ahead on FFNet, but this is my first new fic since joining SV, so what you see is all you get! However, do feel free to check out the link for the stories I haven't crossposted. Without further ado, then...
Great men, and women, and non-binary people, and gods, and at least one very confused horse. They travelled the world, performed great deeds, amazed the world with their splendour and might, and in the case of the horse carried, like, a really big dude in really heavy armour.
This story is not about them.
Or, well, it is, but only partly.
Over time, the heroes went away. The world grew too small to contain them, and mankind slew its own demons, and built its own wonders to be shared by all. The heroes vanished, but their influence remained, to be called upon by those who knew how.
But those of great strength of will and a desire for justice would always rise, and in time a new model of hero was created. Balancing the normal with the mundane, they lived in the new world while fighting surprisingly well-animated battles with the old, and got up the next day and did it all again. In Japan, the Magical Girl burst forth onto the scene of legends, accompanied by like a million sparkles and some tactically obscuring light beams during the awkward bits of their transformation scenes.
This was mostly the fault of two horrible, horrible magical sticks, but we'll get to them later.
The Magical Girl's struggles reaffirmed the power of friendship and the importance of relying on those around you, as well as a host of other family-friendly messages suitable to market to a young audience, and where these heroes went, disaster on a literal and emotional level was averted.
For whatever reason, these new heroes were all very, very gay preteen girls, but we shouldn't ask any further about that.
This story isn't about them either, and in fact doesn't even take place in the same world, but this is all very important setup and I hope you didn't skip any of it.
Our story begins as so many others do. Stop me if you've heard this one before – an ordinary Japanese teenager has an encounter with something strange and magical, probably involving an attractive female lead and a cute mascot of some description, and falls headfirst into a world of adventure. I know, right, how unoriginal is that? Why don't I just go ahead and make him inexplicably magnetic towards the opposite sex as well, just to make him as good a wish-fulfilment blank slate as possible?
Well, look, I've already turned most of you off by talking about the grade-school lesbians, so if you're still here I can only assume you're interested in where all this is heading, so let's forget all about how derivative this story is (and it really is so derivative) and meet our main character.
I think you'll like him! He's very likable, in a vanilla, generic sort of way.
Cast your minds back, dear readers, into the distant past of 2016, and prepare for…
He had been in London for a week now, and it had rained every single day. He was getting a bit tired of it, to be honest, and while that should have meant, proverbially, that he was getting tired of life, he thought he could be forgiven on this one.
His phone told him it was 14:56, which meant he only had to stand around getting wet for four minutes. He checked his messages again.
>yeh m8 will do home viewing @ 3 on Thur if interested
>u and 1 other
>need to move out b4 cops find me lol
>4 real tho plz take the flat bro
There was an address included, and if The Knowledge of the taxi driver was worth anything, then this should be the place.
Ritsuka looked around, taking in the street and trying to picture himself living there. It didn't exactly look the best in the rain. The flat was right on a main street, with the main door opening straight onto the pavement – there wasn't a garden, but there were some picturesque weeds growing up through the concrete slabs. The door was right in between a Polish supermarket and a betting shop, so Ritsuka's two favourite hobbies of gambling his allowance on horses and spending the winnings on interesting varieties of sausage were good to go.
On the other hand, beggars couldn't be choosers, so neither Ritsuka nor the gentleman with a dog and cardboard sign down the road were in much a position to complain.
He sighed, and tried to put a brighter face on things. It wasn't that bad, really. The main thing was, he was here, by himself, doing something with his life. That London hadn't quite lived up to his expectations was, well, only to be expected. The plain fact was, he needed somewhere to live. He could learn to like Croydon.
He checked his phone again. One minute to three. He checked himself over, and tried to look trustworthy and rentable-to, and not at all like he was going to throw a wild party and wreck the place.
He wasn't against wild parties, but he certainly didn't want to spook the landlord. Besides, he didn't really know anyone in London, so he was basically limited to as wild as he could get all by himself.
Ritsuka heard running feet, and looked round just as a girl skidded to a stop in front of the door.
She wasn't exactly dressed for exercise – a black dress with a red tie, tights, brown flats, and a white hoodie thrown over it all. The messenger bag she carried couldn't have helped either.
"Safe…" she panted. "Thank goodness…" She leaned over and put her hand on the wall, face flushed and lavender hair falling around her face.
Ritsuka fished inside his own bag. "Here," he said, holding out a bottle of water.
"Oh! Thank you," said the girl, accepting it and taking a swig. "I was sure I was going to be late for the viewing, so I had to run… but I guess since you're here it's OK?"
Ritsuka smiled. "Guess it is. You… know there are things called taxis that can help you get where you're going, right?"
"Ah, yes," the girl said, "but, erm, it's really expensive from where I work, and you miss out on so many interesting things along the way, so I prefer to walk..."
"Or charge around at full speed, apparently!" Ritsuka grinned.
The girl giggled, then flushed and fiddled with her glasses, and Ritsuka took pity on her.
"Hey, I'm not judging. Nothing wrong with wanting to get out and see the world. That's why I'm here, after all." He stuck out his hand. "Fujimaru Ritsuka – or, I guess, Ritsuka Fujimaru if we're putting it Western-style, and why would we not?"
The girl smiled, and took his hand. "Mash Kyrielight. Um, Kyrielight Mash if we're putting it Japanese-style, although I don't know why we would." She fidgeted. "You're… Japanese? What are you doing in London? Are you studying here?"
"Not really…" Ritsuka said. "I'm here because… oh, forget about it, it's stupid."
"I'm sure it's not," Mash protested, hands clasped at her chest. "I'd love to hear what brought you so far from home. Is it family? For work?" Her cheeks reddened. "Is… is there a girl?"
Ritsuka's smile froze. Of all the things to ask… "N-no…" he managed. "There's no girl." No one girl, at any rate.
Look, it wasn't his fault, okay? He honestly didn't know what he did. He was just friendly, and liked to make people laugh, and liked to help people out where he could. That was the bare minimum of being a functional member of society, wasn't it? So he was good at getting along with people. That didn't mean he was trying to set up some kind of harem, or anything.
It was just, no-one had told his harem that.
Well, harem was putting it strongly. Ritsuka had a lot of friends, and he treasured each and every one of them. Sometimes, these friends were girls, and sometimes, these girls wanted a little more than he was willing to commit. Sometimes, these girls did things like show up at his house uninvited at strange hours and give him creepy dolls woven of their own hair.
But the less said about his life back in Japan, the better, and Mash did not need to learn what a yandere was today. He was here now, in England, where girls were reserved and refined and wouldn't just throw themselves at him because he spent five minutes in their company.
Relying on a cultural stereotype for prudishness wasn't exactly the best reason for a move round the world, but there were worse. Probably. Like, he hadn't just seen a recruitment flyer and signed his life away to an unknown organisation for unknown purposes, to take a totally random if oddly specific example.
Mash seemed to pick up on his discomfort. "Um, I'm sorry, that was a strange thing to ask. So why then?"
"Well, you know, I just really wanted to travel," he said. "To see the world, get out and live on my own and prove to myself that I could support myself. I guess you could say I like the challenge. Japan wasn't really doing it for me, so I decided to come somewhere totally different. But, you know, somewhere that spoke English. I did sorta okay at that in school, but never took any other languages, so…" He laughed, putting a hand behind his head.
Honestly, that was all there was to it. He'd decided to cut ties – there was nothing keeping him in Japan, and no reason to stay. He could have studied, gone to university or gotten a corporate job somewhere, but the wide world had been calling and he'd just gotten a reason to leave his home country.
He was young to be doing it, but a lot of people travelled. It wasn't really anything special.
Mash didn't seem to agree.
"You're here all by yourself, learning to stand on your own two feet… that's really impressive!" Her purple eyes sparkled. "I've always been bad at doing things for myself, and yet you've come to the other side of the world to build a life. I guess I have a lot to learn about being a human after all…"
Being a human? What an odd turn of phrase. "Well, you know, it's not like I'm an expert in how to adult," Ritsuka said. "I like to think I do okay, though."
"No, it's amazing!" Mash said. "It's very, erm, admirable, or something… you're someone to look up to. I guess, in Japanese terms, you'd be my senpai?"
Ritsuka tilted his head. "That's… not how that word works. It's meant to be for people within the same organisation, like work or school…"
"No, I remember hearing about it. I've never been confident in dealing with the world, but you're exactly the kind of person I always wished I could be. You're like my senpai in humanity!"
"That's… no, it doesn't work that way…"
"Nonsense, senpai!"
"I think whoever told you about it might have gotten you confused…"
"Senpai!"
It was very flattering, but Ritsuka really did think she was making too much of it. Before he could say anything, though, the door opened.
"Oh! Hey," said a nondescript dude. "Here for the flat viewing?"
Ritsuka and Mash both nodded.
"Awesome. Look, you're really doing me a solid here, cause I gotta be out of this city in like a week or else… uh, never mind. There's nothing wrong with the place, though, for real. Perfect for couples."
"Oh, we're not a couple," said Ritsuka quickly. Mash nodded in agreement.
"No big, place is perfect for two singles as well. Come on in, and don't mind the smell, I got lemon juice for days to get rid of that and none of the stash is left in any case…"
Ritsuka followed the outgoing tenant and Mash inside. It still bothered him, though.
Just who was Mash using as role models if he was the best one she'd come across?
The flat was… well, it was about what Ritsuka had expected, really. A two-bedroom affair, with a shared living room/dining/room/kitchen combo, but two bathrooms. It wasn't the Ritz, but it was cheap, and available.
And Ritsuka loved things that were cheap and available.
Unfortunately, it wasn't that cheap, because the Elder God that lived under London demanded payment in the blood, sweat and tears of those who foolishly sought to rent above it. Ritsuka's budget could just about stretch to a thousand pounds per month – the current tenant's contract with the landlord was about fifteen hundred.
On the bright side, he was willing to handle all the changeover fees himself, and even leave all his furnishings. He hadn't specified why he needed to leave in such a hurry, and Ritsuka wasn't about to ask. Mash was either being similarly tactful, or just didn't realise how shady the whole thing was, but either way she hadn't brought it up either.
Given how she'd managed to compliment their host on 'such an interesting vase, with the pipe coming out of it like that!' with an entirely straight face, he was betting on the second one.
In any case, since they were just taking over the contract, the downside was that he absolutely couldn't renegotiate the price. It was fifteen hundred, or nothing.
In less than half an hour, Ritsuka and Mash were back out on the street, getting wetter by the minute but with a lot to think about. Ritsuka spoke up first.
"So, what did you think?" he said.
Mash chewed her lip, deep in thought. "Well, I wouldn't be able to afford it by myself, our expenses budget doesn't cover that much…"
"Expenses?"
Mash started. "Ah! Um, the flat sort of comes with rent covered by my job, but my boss says she can't free up a lot of funds, so…"
A job where they covered your rent? It sounded too good to be true, but Ritsuka wasn't about to pry.
He looked again at the girl, muttering to herself as she tried to work out her options. She'd seemed friendly and polite so far. She was even about his age – it was a bit strange that two young teenagers would be looking for a place at the same time, but weirder things happened every day, Ritsuka supposed.
And, hey. When had Ritsuka ever met someone he couldn't get along with?
He made the decision.
"Well – I can't quite cover all of it myself either," he said. "It might be a bit forward of me, but… want to be flatmates, Mash?"
In many ways, Mash was the perfect person to live with.
She was clean and tidy, and very conscientious about things like washing up dishes and sorting laundry. Although putting two teenagers of the opposite sex together in a flat was bound to lead to a certain amount of awkwardness, around showers if nothing else, she didn't seem either brazenly uncaring of the implications or inclined to make it a big thing. She was quiet, and while she didn't go out of her way to avoid Ritsuka seemed inclined to give him his space.
In fact, she was out of the flat for most of the day, at her job. She'd never actually said what she did – and, after a week of living with her, it was just reaching the point where it'd be really awkward to ask now.
Whatever it was, she scampered out the door early most mornings, dressed in some combination of a dark dress and that hoodie, and always carrying that messenger bag. It didn't look like any uniform he'd ever seen, and he wondered whether she had something she changed into wherever it was she worked or if her boss was just very lenient on the dress code. Some new techy company that thought it was hip and cool? A modelling agency that provided her clothes?
Probably not that. Mash was cute, but not the kind of glamorous, cool beauty that Ritsuka usually associated with models – and in any case, she'd probably self-destruct out of embarrassment if forced into a job where people had to look at her.
She was friendly enough to Ritsuka, but he'd never met anyone so shy and uncertain in public. He knew she must have at least some kind of social nous, because, well, she actually had a job while he was still stuck looking for one.
And he did occasionally hear her talking in her room – presumably on the phone. She seemed to be good friends with this Sapphire person, whoever they were, so good for her. Ritsuka hadn't asked to be introduced, because Mash had seemed a little cagey about the subject when he brought it up. It was fine, though! Anyone Mash could get along with would surely be alright with Ritsuka.
He'd mentioned, pointedly, that he was totally fine with Mash bringing her friends over to the flat, but Mash had just stared at him blankly as if she had no idea what he was talking about, and eventually Ritsuka had just given up.
Anyway. It was a good thing Mash was so easy-going, because Ritsuka was having enough trouble all by himself.
The job market in London, in 2016 was… well, for a sixteen-year-old kid from Japan there basically wasn't one. This was in no way for lack of trying, and in no way because Ritsuka was too good to take any job he was offered. Construction, garbage removal, janitorial staff, he was happy to take anything, and he'd trawled the internet looking on site after site for any openings.
He was spending his nine-to-five at the local library, either online or printing out resumes to physically hand out to anywhere that would let him through the front door. When he wasn't doing that, he was pounding the pavement, speaking to manager after manager in the hopes that one would give him a shot.
No, I'm afraid we're after someone with more experience, said the café, with an understanding tone.
No, sorry, you need to have at least these qualifications, said the roofing firm, dismissively.
No, but we'll keep your resumé on file, said the bookshop, blatantly lying to his face.
Still, he hadn't lost his youthful optimism, and remained the same friendly and optimistic soul he had been when he arrived in the country.
"Resumé on file, my ass," he muttered, entering his flat after another hard day of… well, not work, but, like, pre-work? "I'll resumé my fist upside your face, manager man…"
"Welcome back, senpai!" came Mash's voice from the living room. Despite his bad mood, Ritsuka smiled. It was nice to have something to come back to – made the place really feel like home.
And no, Mash utterly refused to call him anything but 'senpai'. It was okay. As Japanese affectations went, there were far worse things she could be doing.
"Hi, Mash," he said, dropping his coat off in the hall and making his way inside. "How was your day?"
Her face lit up. "It was good, thank you!" she said. "It looks like I'll be pretty busy soon. My, um, project at work is very close to being allowed to move forward."
"Oh, that's great!" Ritsuka knew nothing about Mash's job, but he knew a lot about being a good friend, and friends took an interest in each other's lives when they were shared freely. Besides, this was his chance to find out more about what it was his flatmate did all day. He sat down on the sofa opposite her. "I'm happy it's going well for you. What exactly was stopping the project?"
Mash's smile froze on her face, and Ritsuka could see the gears turning as she tried to work out what to say, caught between an apparent need to keep a secret and her goody-two-shoes nature that refused to let her tell a lie. He stepped in before she fried a circuit.
"Hey, if it's secret, no need to tell me. I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just curious."
"Ah, well… it is a secret. Sorry, senpai." She looked it too, all big eyes and trembling lip. Ritsuka felt like he'd kicked a puppy for putting her in this position. He waved a hand.
"No worries. I know it's hard being a secret agent for the British Government."
Mash giggled. "Senpai!"
"I don't hear you denying it…" Ritsuka chuckled, but then his face fell and he sighed. "Man, though, I wish I had a job I could refuse to tell you about."
"Oh, no, still no luck?" Mash clasped her hands under her chin, the picture of adorable concern. "I'm sure you'll find something soon! You're so, erm, worldly!"
Ritsuka smiled. "Thank you. I keep telling them that, but it looks like 'being from another country' isn't quite the employability trump card you'd expect. But, you're right. I'm sure something will come up." His smile dropped. "I've only been searching for two weeks, after all. For nine hours every day. In every industry I can think of. With nothing to show for it… Mash, is it me? Is there something on my face that screams, 'don't employ this man'?"
Mash shook her head. "No, no, not at all, senpai! I think you look very, um, reliable…"
Ritsuka tried hard not to blush, because that would have totally ruined his image as someone 'very, um, reliable'. "You're a sweetheart, Mash. I don't think I tell you that enough. Thank you." He got up from the sofa. "Well, I'm going to eat something and go to bed. Another long day of failing to find work tomorrow…"
Later, lying in bed, he heard Mash's voice from the next room. She must have been talking to her friend again – and, although he wasn't trying to listen in, he couldn't help but overhear a couple of phrases.
"… want to at least give him a try… think the Director will agree? …okay. For senpai."
Ritsuka mulled it over, in that half-awake way people did late at night before they went to sleep, but decided not to worry about it. He rolled over, and was dead to the world.
The next morning, Ritsuka was woken by a knock on his bedroom door.
"Whuh?"
"Senpai, it's me," came a voice from the other side. "Mash."
Well, obviously. Who else ever called him senpai? Who else even had a key to the flat?
Ritsuka struggled his way to sitting upright, rubbing his eyes. "Mnnn… I know, Mash. Come in if you want, I'm good."
"Please excuse me, then…"
The door opened and Mash came in, wearing her usual hoodie and a big beaming smile. "Good morning senpai! I wanted to ask if you – hyah!" She shrieked and turned away, covering her eyes.
"Hm?" Ritsuka said, still a little groggy. His brain provided the appropriate dad joke on autopilot. "Well, I have been known to hyah every now and then. I haven't had a good proper hyah since coming to England, though, you just don't have the climate for it…"
"Senpai!" squeaked Mash, the tips of her ears a deep red. "Y-your clothes! You said you were good!"
"What?" Ritsuka looked down. He was wearing what he usually wore to bed, which was a plaid pair of pyjama bottoms and nothing else whatsoever. "I am good. I'm not naked, am I?"
"Please put something on…" said Mash.
"Fine, fine." Ritsuka pulled on an old t-shirt. "I'm good this time. For real."
"Uuu…" Mash turned around, face still flaming red. Ritsuka waited for her to say something, but she seemed to have forgotten why she came in. And her eyes kept on drifting downwards.
Ritsuka decided to hurry things along. "While this is a lovely surprise, what's the special occasion, Mash? What did you want to talk about?"
Mash seemed to realise she was still there. "Oh! Um, senpai, it might be a little rude of me, but… you're still looking for a job, aren't you?"
"I didn't manage to find one hiding inside my pillow, so, yes," Ritsuka said, wondering where Mash was going with this.
"Would you… maybe… be interested in working with me?" Mash shuffled her feet and peeked out at him from under her glasses shyly, like he was going to shout at her for daring to interfere in his great journey of self-discovery.
Ritsuka just stared. Of all the things he'd expected Mash to visit him in his room for, this was nowhere near on the list.
"I don't know what to say," he started. "I mean, can Japanese nationals even work at MI6?"
"Senpai!"
"I know. Sorry. This is all just very sudden, and sometimes I think I'm funny. I'm grateful, Mash, honest." He put a hand on his chin and thought about it.
On the positive side, it was a job – and the way things were going, he was never going to get one. Mash mentioned it was providing her rent for the flat, but even if that was something she'd negotiated herself, she didn't seem to be too hard up for money. She didn't seem to have strange hours or weird requirements that would put him off the job.
On the other hand, he knew literally nothing about what Mash did. He joked, but what if it was something illegal? Mash really didn't seem like the type of person to get involved with something like that, but people could have hidden sides, he guessed. With this, he could be doing anything.
But, well. If he stayed jobless for too long, the plain fact was he was going to have to move back to Japan, and the entire point of him moving and trying to make it on his own would be shot. He literally couldn't afford to ignore this opportunity.
And, hey, if it turned out he'd be working as a stripper or something, he could always just thank Mash and decline to take the job.
Okay, bad example, Ritsuka would make an awesome stripper.
But yes.
"I think I'd like that, Mash," he said.
Mash's face lit up. "You do? That's great, senpai! I know how important it is for you to do things by yourself…"
"Hey, I'm not worried about that. No man is an island, right? But, are you sure it's okay, Mash? I'm not making trouble for you or anything, am I?"
"No, no! I called the Director this morning and she said she'd be happy to give you a shot. Not everyone is, um, qualified to do the job, but she said you may as well come in and try. We can go in this afternoon for the interview?"
Well, heck. Why not?
Looked like he'd finally get to see where Mash went every day.
Mash, apparently, went to university every day. It wasn't any of the ones Ritsuka was familiar with, but it had to be one – the grand halls, the old brownstone buildings, the exhausted-looking students wandering around. It was exactly how Ritsuka had imagined a proper, old-school campus should look – walled off, in its own little bubble, with Mash waved through a gate emblazoned with the numeral VIII by a bored-looking security guard.
"Where are we?" he whispered to Mash. It was just a whispery kind of place, where the sheer age of the buildings swallowed all sound.
"The Clock Tower," whispered Mash back. "Or, well, the Astromancy Department, at least. The main building is elsewhere…"
"The what?"
She didn't reply, but led him into the grandest and oldest-looking building in the centre of the campus.
Inside, it was all wood panelling, soft carpet, and strange carvings, all lit by the afternoon sun filtered through dusty old glass windows. It wasn't an unpleasant atmosphere, but it was a little intimidating. Mash didn't seem to mind it, and made her way through the halls. Ritsuka had tried to keep a sense of direction, but it was one of those old buildings built before people had invented symmetry, and he'd quickly lost track.
There were more students going about their day inside. Some of them gave strange looks to Mash and Ritsuka. He supposed they didn't quite fit in. For a start, their fashion sense was about fifty years ahead of pretty much anyone else – in her dress and hoodie, and her messenger bag, Mash looked quite normal in London, but she stood out here.
Eventually, they stopped before an expensive-looking door. The plate on it read 'Olga Marie Animusphere – Astromancy Faculty, Department Head'. Below, there was a laminated sheet, stuck on with tape, that read 'Director, Chaldea Security Organisation'.
Mash's boss? Ritsuka hadn't known she was quite that highly-placed.
Mash knocked on the door, and a stern female voice replied. "Enter."
They entered an office, that looked like it was trying to be the grandest and oldest thing in a very grand and old building. Bookshelves lined the wood-panelled walls, an ornate chandelier dangled from the high ceiling, and the room was dominated by an enormous desk, behind which a decidedly not grand and old woman sat.
Well, she was a little grand. She was dressed in some black and orange formal affair, with gold ornamentation on the sleeves and collar, and her hair was done up in an elegant braid at the side. However, despite how white her hair was, she wasn't old at all.
Presumably, this was Olga Marie Animusphere. She looked young to be a department head of an entire faculty, but then Ritsuka had never even gone to university, so what did he know?
No time to dwell on that. This was an interview! Sort of! He had to make a good first impression!
"So, this is the boy you keep on talking about, Mash. Hm." She examined Ritsuka from head to toe. "And how are you this afternoon?"
"Goal-oriented, thank you," said Ritsuka.
Nailed it!
Olga Marie was silent for five full seconds.
After a moment, Ritsuka plastered a big smile on his face to show that he was a positive personality.
He wasn't panicking!
Olga Marie sighed, looking very tired indeed. "Just… just fetch the horrible thing out of its box, Mash. Let's get this over with." She looked at Ritsuka. "Do you know why you're here?"
Ritsuka nodded, thoughtfully. "I would say my biggest weakness is probably the way I don't listen to people asking me questions."
"Senpai, you're not helping!"
While Ritsuka was crushing his interview, Mash had hauled an old wooden chest out of a closet – and while it was old, it also looked incredibly sturdy. It looked like the kind of thing you'd expect to see filled with gold and jewels in a videogame.
It was also chained shut, locked with a comically enormous padlock. Someone really did not want whatever was inside being stolen.
Or whatever was inside getting out…
Mash finally unlocked it, and opened the lid. Then she stood back. Very far back. On the other side of the room, in fact.
Ritsuka wondered what the point of it all was, but he didn't turn his head to look. Eye contact was important in interviews, and so far he hadn't blinked at all or stopped leering into Olga Marie's eyes. That meant he was winning, probably.
"Thank you, Mash," said Olga Marie. "Mr Fujimaru – is there something on my face?"
Ritsuka shook his head, slowly, so as not to lose eye contact.
"… I see. In any case, please prick your thumb and pick up the item in the box."
… well, that was an odd test. But, well, this was technically the furthest Ritsuka had gotten, and he wasn't about to stop now.
He made his way over to the box, and looked inside. It contained… a magic wand? A child's magic wand, pink and gold, with a ring containing a five-pointed star flanked by six wings. There was also a small knife – probably for pricking himself with. He prodded at his thumb with it until he broke the skin.
He looked back at Olga Marie, and saw she'd joined Mash by the far wall.
With a certain amount of trepidation, he reached down and closed his fingers around the shaft of the wand.
Nothing happened.
"Is that it?" he said. "What should I do n-"
And then, without warning, his clothes exploded. A blinding swirl of pink light appeared all around him, and a voice came from nowhere, accompanied by triumphal music and sparkly visual effects.
"Hahahaha! Oh, yes! He's perfect, I'll take him!" it squealed. "I've never seen such protagonist potential!"
The pink light solidified into equally pink cloth, and when it cleared, Rituska found himself standing in Olga Marie's office, dressed in… he didn't really want to think about it.
At the far wall, Mash and Olga Marie wore matching expressions of bewilderment.
"What just happened?" he asked.
In answer, the wand jerked itself out of his hand and hovered in front of him.
"You just became this world's first Magical Boy, that's what happened! I'm Magical Ruby, and you…" it chuckled darkly.
"You're my new project."
---
Once, there were heroes.
Great men, and women, and non-binary people, and gods, and at least one very confused horse. They travelled the world, performed great deeds, amazed the world with their splendour and might, and in the case of the horse carried, like, a really big dude in really heavy armour.
This story is not about them.
Or, well, it is, but only partly.
Over time, the heroes went away. The world grew too small to contain them, and mankind slew its own demons, and built its own wonders to be shared by all. The heroes vanished, but their influence remained, to be called upon by those who knew how.
But those of great strength of will and a desire for justice would always rise, and in time a new model of hero was created. Balancing the normal with the mundane, they lived in the new world while fighting surprisingly well-animated battles with the old, and got up the next day and did it all again. In Japan, the Magical Girl burst forth onto the scene of legends, accompanied by like a million sparkles and some tactically obscuring light beams during the awkward bits of their transformation scenes.
This was mostly the fault of two horrible, horrible magical sticks, but we'll get to them later.
The Magical Girl's struggles reaffirmed the power of friendship and the importance of relying on those around you, as well as a host of other family-friendly messages suitable to market to a young audience, and where these heroes went, disaster on a literal and emotional level was averted.
For whatever reason, these new heroes were all very, very gay preteen girls, but we shouldn't ask any further about that.
This story isn't about them either, and in fact doesn't even take place in the same world, but this is all very important setup and I hope you didn't skip any of it.
Our story begins as so many others do. Stop me if you've heard this one before – an ordinary Japanese teenager has an encounter with something strange and magical, probably involving an attractive female lead and a cute mascot of some description, and falls headfirst into a world of adventure. I know, right, how unoriginal is that? Why don't I just go ahead and make him inexplicably magnetic towards the opposite sex as well, just to make him as good a wish-fulfilment blank slate as possible?
Well, look, I've already turned most of you off by talking about the grade-school lesbians, so if you're still here I can only assume you're interested in where all this is heading, so let's forget all about how derivative this story is (and it really is so derivative) and meet our main character.
I think you'll like him! He's very likable, in a vanilla, generic sort of way.
Cast your minds back, dear readers, into the distant past of 2016, and prepare for…
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 1 – In which Fujimaru Ritsuka nails an interview
---
The black cab sped away, and left Fujimaru Ritsuka standing outside in the rain.THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 1 – In which Fujimaru Ritsuka nails an interview
---
He had been in London for a week now, and it had rained every single day. He was getting a bit tired of it, to be honest, and while that should have meant, proverbially, that he was getting tired of life, he thought he could be forgiven on this one.
His phone told him it was 14:56, which meant he only had to stand around getting wet for four minutes. He checked his messages again.
Hello, this is Fujimaru Ritsuka – is the Croydon flat you put up still available? <
>yeh m8 will do home viewing @ 3 on Thur if interested
>u and 1 other
>need to move out b4 cops find me lol
>4 real tho plz take the flat bro
There was an address included, and if The Knowledge of the taxi driver was worth anything, then this should be the place.
Ritsuka looked around, taking in the street and trying to picture himself living there. It didn't exactly look the best in the rain. The flat was right on a main street, with the main door opening straight onto the pavement – there wasn't a garden, but there were some picturesque weeds growing up through the concrete slabs. The door was right in between a Polish supermarket and a betting shop, so Ritsuka's two favourite hobbies of gambling his allowance on horses and spending the winnings on interesting varieties of sausage were good to go.
On the other hand, beggars couldn't be choosers, so neither Ritsuka nor the gentleman with a dog and cardboard sign down the road were in much a position to complain.
He sighed, and tried to put a brighter face on things. It wasn't that bad, really. The main thing was, he was here, by himself, doing something with his life. That London hadn't quite lived up to his expectations was, well, only to be expected. The plain fact was, he needed somewhere to live. He could learn to like Croydon.
He checked his phone again. One minute to three. He checked himself over, and tried to look trustworthy and rentable-to, and not at all like he was going to throw a wild party and wreck the place.
He wasn't against wild parties, but he certainly didn't want to spook the landlord. Besides, he didn't really know anyone in London, so he was basically limited to as wild as he could get all by himself.
Ritsuka heard running feet, and looked round just as a girl skidded to a stop in front of the door.
She wasn't exactly dressed for exercise – a black dress with a red tie, tights, brown flats, and a white hoodie thrown over it all. The messenger bag she carried couldn't have helped either.
"Safe…" she panted. "Thank goodness…" She leaned over and put her hand on the wall, face flushed and lavender hair falling around her face.
Ritsuka fished inside his own bag. "Here," he said, holding out a bottle of water.
"Oh! Thank you," said the girl, accepting it and taking a swig. "I was sure I was going to be late for the viewing, so I had to run… but I guess since you're here it's OK?"
Ritsuka smiled. "Guess it is. You… know there are things called taxis that can help you get where you're going, right?"
"Ah, yes," the girl said, "but, erm, it's really expensive from where I work, and you miss out on so many interesting things along the way, so I prefer to walk..."
"Or charge around at full speed, apparently!" Ritsuka grinned.
The girl giggled, then flushed and fiddled with her glasses, and Ritsuka took pity on her.
"Hey, I'm not judging. Nothing wrong with wanting to get out and see the world. That's why I'm here, after all." He stuck out his hand. "Fujimaru Ritsuka – or, I guess, Ritsuka Fujimaru if we're putting it Western-style, and why would we not?"
The girl smiled, and took his hand. "Mash Kyrielight. Um, Kyrielight Mash if we're putting it Japanese-style, although I don't know why we would." She fidgeted. "You're… Japanese? What are you doing in London? Are you studying here?"
"Not really…" Ritsuka said. "I'm here because… oh, forget about it, it's stupid."
"I'm sure it's not," Mash protested, hands clasped at her chest. "I'd love to hear what brought you so far from home. Is it family? For work?" Her cheeks reddened. "Is… is there a girl?"
Ritsuka's smile froze. Of all the things to ask… "N-no…" he managed. "There's no girl." No one girl, at any rate.
Look, it wasn't his fault, okay? He honestly didn't know what he did. He was just friendly, and liked to make people laugh, and liked to help people out where he could. That was the bare minimum of being a functional member of society, wasn't it? So he was good at getting along with people. That didn't mean he was trying to set up some kind of harem, or anything.
It was just, no-one had told his harem that.
Well, harem was putting it strongly. Ritsuka had a lot of friends, and he treasured each and every one of them. Sometimes, these friends were girls, and sometimes, these girls wanted a little more than he was willing to commit. Sometimes, these girls did things like show up at his house uninvited at strange hours and give him creepy dolls woven of their own hair.
But the less said about his life back in Japan, the better, and Mash did not need to learn what a yandere was today. He was here now, in England, where girls were reserved and refined and wouldn't just throw themselves at him because he spent five minutes in their company.
Relying on a cultural stereotype for prudishness wasn't exactly the best reason for a move round the world, but there were worse. Probably. Like, he hadn't just seen a recruitment flyer and signed his life away to an unknown organisation for unknown purposes, to take a totally random if oddly specific example.
Mash seemed to pick up on his discomfort. "Um, I'm sorry, that was a strange thing to ask. So why then?"
"Well, you know, I just really wanted to travel," he said. "To see the world, get out and live on my own and prove to myself that I could support myself. I guess you could say I like the challenge. Japan wasn't really doing it for me, so I decided to come somewhere totally different. But, you know, somewhere that spoke English. I did sorta okay at that in school, but never took any other languages, so…" He laughed, putting a hand behind his head.
Honestly, that was all there was to it. He'd decided to cut ties – there was nothing keeping him in Japan, and no reason to stay. He could have studied, gone to university or gotten a corporate job somewhere, but the wide world had been calling and he'd just gotten a reason to leave his home country.
He was young to be doing it, but a lot of people travelled. It wasn't really anything special.
Mash didn't seem to agree.
"You're here all by yourself, learning to stand on your own two feet… that's really impressive!" Her purple eyes sparkled. "I've always been bad at doing things for myself, and yet you've come to the other side of the world to build a life. I guess I have a lot to learn about being a human after all…"
Being a human? What an odd turn of phrase. "Well, you know, it's not like I'm an expert in how to adult," Ritsuka said. "I like to think I do okay, though."
"No, it's amazing!" Mash said. "It's very, erm, admirable, or something… you're someone to look up to. I guess, in Japanese terms, you'd be my senpai?"
Ritsuka tilted his head. "That's… not how that word works. It's meant to be for people within the same organisation, like work or school…"
"No, I remember hearing about it. I've never been confident in dealing with the world, but you're exactly the kind of person I always wished I could be. You're like my senpai in humanity!"
"That's… no, it doesn't work that way…"
"Nonsense, senpai!"
"I think whoever told you about it might have gotten you confused…"
"Senpai!"
It was very flattering, but Ritsuka really did think she was making too much of it. Before he could say anything, though, the door opened.
"Oh! Hey," said a nondescript dude. "Here for the flat viewing?"
Ritsuka and Mash both nodded.
"Awesome. Look, you're really doing me a solid here, cause I gotta be out of this city in like a week or else… uh, never mind. There's nothing wrong with the place, though, for real. Perfect for couples."
"Oh, we're not a couple," said Ritsuka quickly. Mash nodded in agreement.
"No big, place is perfect for two singles as well. Come on in, and don't mind the smell, I got lemon juice for days to get rid of that and none of the stash is left in any case…"
Ritsuka followed the outgoing tenant and Mash inside. It still bothered him, though.
Just who was Mash using as role models if he was the best one she'd come across?
---
The flat was… well, it was about what Ritsuka had expected, really. A two-bedroom affair, with a shared living room/dining/room/kitchen combo, but two bathrooms. It wasn't the Ritz, but it was cheap, and available.
And Ritsuka loved things that were cheap and available.
Unfortunately, it wasn't that cheap, because the Elder God that lived under London demanded payment in the blood, sweat and tears of those who foolishly sought to rent above it. Ritsuka's budget could just about stretch to a thousand pounds per month – the current tenant's contract with the landlord was about fifteen hundred.
On the bright side, he was willing to handle all the changeover fees himself, and even leave all his furnishings. He hadn't specified why he needed to leave in such a hurry, and Ritsuka wasn't about to ask. Mash was either being similarly tactful, or just didn't realise how shady the whole thing was, but either way she hadn't brought it up either.
Given how she'd managed to compliment their host on 'such an interesting vase, with the pipe coming out of it like that!' with an entirely straight face, he was betting on the second one.
In any case, since they were just taking over the contract, the downside was that he absolutely couldn't renegotiate the price. It was fifteen hundred, or nothing.
In less than half an hour, Ritsuka and Mash were back out on the street, getting wetter by the minute but with a lot to think about. Ritsuka spoke up first.
"So, what did you think?" he said.
Mash chewed her lip, deep in thought. "Well, I wouldn't be able to afford it by myself, our expenses budget doesn't cover that much…"
"Expenses?"
Mash started. "Ah! Um, the flat sort of comes with rent covered by my job, but my boss says she can't free up a lot of funds, so…"
A job where they covered your rent? It sounded too good to be true, but Ritsuka wasn't about to pry.
He looked again at the girl, muttering to herself as she tried to work out her options. She'd seemed friendly and polite so far. She was even about his age – it was a bit strange that two young teenagers would be looking for a place at the same time, but weirder things happened every day, Ritsuka supposed.
And, hey. When had Ritsuka ever met someone he couldn't get along with?
He made the decision.
"Well – I can't quite cover all of it myself either," he said. "It might be a bit forward of me, but… want to be flatmates, Mash?"
---
In many ways, Mash was the perfect person to live with.
She was clean and tidy, and very conscientious about things like washing up dishes and sorting laundry. Although putting two teenagers of the opposite sex together in a flat was bound to lead to a certain amount of awkwardness, around showers if nothing else, she didn't seem either brazenly uncaring of the implications or inclined to make it a big thing. She was quiet, and while she didn't go out of her way to avoid Ritsuka seemed inclined to give him his space.
In fact, she was out of the flat for most of the day, at her job. She'd never actually said what she did – and, after a week of living with her, it was just reaching the point where it'd be really awkward to ask now.
Whatever it was, she scampered out the door early most mornings, dressed in some combination of a dark dress and that hoodie, and always carrying that messenger bag. It didn't look like any uniform he'd ever seen, and he wondered whether she had something she changed into wherever it was she worked or if her boss was just very lenient on the dress code. Some new techy company that thought it was hip and cool? A modelling agency that provided her clothes?
Probably not that. Mash was cute, but not the kind of glamorous, cool beauty that Ritsuka usually associated with models – and in any case, she'd probably self-destruct out of embarrassment if forced into a job where people had to look at her.
She was friendly enough to Ritsuka, but he'd never met anyone so shy and uncertain in public. He knew she must have at least some kind of social nous, because, well, she actually had a job while he was still stuck looking for one.
And he did occasionally hear her talking in her room – presumably on the phone. She seemed to be good friends with this Sapphire person, whoever they were, so good for her. Ritsuka hadn't asked to be introduced, because Mash had seemed a little cagey about the subject when he brought it up. It was fine, though! Anyone Mash could get along with would surely be alright with Ritsuka.
He'd mentioned, pointedly, that he was totally fine with Mash bringing her friends over to the flat, but Mash had just stared at him blankly as if she had no idea what he was talking about, and eventually Ritsuka had just given up.
Anyway. It was a good thing Mash was so easy-going, because Ritsuka was having enough trouble all by himself.
The job market in London, in 2016 was… well, for a sixteen-year-old kid from Japan there basically wasn't one. This was in no way for lack of trying, and in no way because Ritsuka was too good to take any job he was offered. Construction, garbage removal, janitorial staff, he was happy to take anything, and he'd trawled the internet looking on site after site for any openings.
He was spending his nine-to-five at the local library, either online or printing out resumes to physically hand out to anywhere that would let him through the front door. When he wasn't doing that, he was pounding the pavement, speaking to manager after manager in the hopes that one would give him a shot.
No, I'm afraid we're after someone with more experience, said the café, with an understanding tone.
No, sorry, you need to have at least these qualifications, said the roofing firm, dismissively.
No, but we'll keep your resumé on file, said the bookshop, blatantly lying to his face.
Still, he hadn't lost his youthful optimism, and remained the same friendly and optimistic soul he had been when he arrived in the country.
"Resumé on file, my ass," he muttered, entering his flat after another hard day of… well, not work, but, like, pre-work? "I'll resumé my fist upside your face, manager man…"
"Welcome back, senpai!" came Mash's voice from the living room. Despite his bad mood, Ritsuka smiled. It was nice to have something to come back to – made the place really feel like home.
And no, Mash utterly refused to call him anything but 'senpai'. It was okay. As Japanese affectations went, there were far worse things she could be doing.
"Hi, Mash," he said, dropping his coat off in the hall and making his way inside. "How was your day?"
Her face lit up. "It was good, thank you!" she said. "It looks like I'll be pretty busy soon. My, um, project at work is very close to being allowed to move forward."
"Oh, that's great!" Ritsuka knew nothing about Mash's job, but he knew a lot about being a good friend, and friends took an interest in each other's lives when they were shared freely. Besides, this was his chance to find out more about what it was his flatmate did all day. He sat down on the sofa opposite her. "I'm happy it's going well for you. What exactly was stopping the project?"
Mash's smile froze on her face, and Ritsuka could see the gears turning as she tried to work out what to say, caught between an apparent need to keep a secret and her goody-two-shoes nature that refused to let her tell a lie. He stepped in before she fried a circuit.
"Hey, if it's secret, no need to tell me. I'm not trying to be nosy, I'm just curious."
"Ah, well… it is a secret. Sorry, senpai." She looked it too, all big eyes and trembling lip. Ritsuka felt like he'd kicked a puppy for putting her in this position. He waved a hand.
"No worries. I know it's hard being a secret agent for the British Government."
Mash giggled. "Senpai!"
"I don't hear you denying it…" Ritsuka chuckled, but then his face fell and he sighed. "Man, though, I wish I had a job I could refuse to tell you about."
"Oh, no, still no luck?" Mash clasped her hands under her chin, the picture of adorable concern. "I'm sure you'll find something soon! You're so, erm, worldly!"
Ritsuka smiled. "Thank you. I keep telling them that, but it looks like 'being from another country' isn't quite the employability trump card you'd expect. But, you're right. I'm sure something will come up." His smile dropped. "I've only been searching for two weeks, after all. For nine hours every day. In every industry I can think of. With nothing to show for it… Mash, is it me? Is there something on my face that screams, 'don't employ this man'?"
Mash shook her head. "No, no, not at all, senpai! I think you look very, um, reliable…"
Ritsuka tried hard not to blush, because that would have totally ruined his image as someone 'very, um, reliable'. "You're a sweetheart, Mash. I don't think I tell you that enough. Thank you." He got up from the sofa. "Well, I'm going to eat something and go to bed. Another long day of failing to find work tomorrow…"
Later, lying in bed, he heard Mash's voice from the next room. She must have been talking to her friend again – and, although he wasn't trying to listen in, he couldn't help but overhear a couple of phrases.
"… want to at least give him a try… think the Director will agree? …okay. For senpai."
Ritsuka mulled it over, in that half-awake way people did late at night before they went to sleep, but decided not to worry about it. He rolled over, and was dead to the world.
---
The next morning, Ritsuka was woken by a knock on his bedroom door.
"Whuh?"
"Senpai, it's me," came a voice from the other side. "Mash."
Well, obviously. Who else ever called him senpai? Who else even had a key to the flat?
Ritsuka struggled his way to sitting upright, rubbing his eyes. "Mnnn… I know, Mash. Come in if you want, I'm good."
"Please excuse me, then…"
The door opened and Mash came in, wearing her usual hoodie and a big beaming smile. "Good morning senpai! I wanted to ask if you – hyah!" She shrieked and turned away, covering her eyes.
"Hm?" Ritsuka said, still a little groggy. His brain provided the appropriate dad joke on autopilot. "Well, I have been known to hyah every now and then. I haven't had a good proper hyah since coming to England, though, you just don't have the climate for it…"
"Senpai!" squeaked Mash, the tips of her ears a deep red. "Y-your clothes! You said you were good!"
"What?" Ritsuka looked down. He was wearing what he usually wore to bed, which was a plaid pair of pyjama bottoms and nothing else whatsoever. "I am good. I'm not naked, am I?"
"Please put something on…" said Mash.
"Fine, fine." Ritsuka pulled on an old t-shirt. "I'm good this time. For real."
"Uuu…" Mash turned around, face still flaming red. Ritsuka waited for her to say something, but she seemed to have forgotten why she came in. And her eyes kept on drifting downwards.
Ritsuka decided to hurry things along. "While this is a lovely surprise, what's the special occasion, Mash? What did you want to talk about?"
Mash seemed to realise she was still there. "Oh! Um, senpai, it might be a little rude of me, but… you're still looking for a job, aren't you?"
"I didn't manage to find one hiding inside my pillow, so, yes," Ritsuka said, wondering where Mash was going with this.
"Would you… maybe… be interested in working with me?" Mash shuffled her feet and peeked out at him from under her glasses shyly, like he was going to shout at her for daring to interfere in his great journey of self-discovery.
Ritsuka just stared. Of all the things he'd expected Mash to visit him in his room for, this was nowhere near on the list.
"I don't know what to say," he started. "I mean, can Japanese nationals even work at MI6?"
"Senpai!"
"I know. Sorry. This is all just very sudden, and sometimes I think I'm funny. I'm grateful, Mash, honest." He put a hand on his chin and thought about it.
On the positive side, it was a job – and the way things were going, he was never going to get one. Mash mentioned it was providing her rent for the flat, but even if that was something she'd negotiated herself, she didn't seem to be too hard up for money. She didn't seem to have strange hours or weird requirements that would put him off the job.
On the other hand, he knew literally nothing about what Mash did. He joked, but what if it was something illegal? Mash really didn't seem like the type of person to get involved with something like that, but people could have hidden sides, he guessed. With this, he could be doing anything.
But, well. If he stayed jobless for too long, the plain fact was he was going to have to move back to Japan, and the entire point of him moving and trying to make it on his own would be shot. He literally couldn't afford to ignore this opportunity.
And, hey, if it turned out he'd be working as a stripper or something, he could always just thank Mash and decline to take the job.
Okay, bad example, Ritsuka would make an awesome stripper.
But yes.
"I think I'd like that, Mash," he said.
Mash's face lit up. "You do? That's great, senpai! I know how important it is for you to do things by yourself…"
"Hey, I'm not worried about that. No man is an island, right? But, are you sure it's okay, Mash? I'm not making trouble for you or anything, am I?"
"No, no! I called the Director this morning and she said she'd be happy to give you a shot. Not everyone is, um, qualified to do the job, but she said you may as well come in and try. We can go in this afternoon for the interview?"
Well, heck. Why not?
Looked like he'd finally get to see where Mash went every day.
---
Mash, apparently, went to university every day. It wasn't any of the ones Ritsuka was familiar with, but it had to be one – the grand halls, the old brownstone buildings, the exhausted-looking students wandering around. It was exactly how Ritsuka had imagined a proper, old-school campus should look – walled off, in its own little bubble, with Mash waved through a gate emblazoned with the numeral VIII by a bored-looking security guard.
"Where are we?" he whispered to Mash. It was just a whispery kind of place, where the sheer age of the buildings swallowed all sound.
"The Clock Tower," whispered Mash back. "Or, well, the Astromancy Department, at least. The main building is elsewhere…"
"The what?"
She didn't reply, but led him into the grandest and oldest-looking building in the centre of the campus.
Inside, it was all wood panelling, soft carpet, and strange carvings, all lit by the afternoon sun filtered through dusty old glass windows. It wasn't an unpleasant atmosphere, but it was a little intimidating. Mash didn't seem to mind it, and made her way through the halls. Ritsuka had tried to keep a sense of direction, but it was one of those old buildings built before people had invented symmetry, and he'd quickly lost track.
There were more students going about their day inside. Some of them gave strange looks to Mash and Ritsuka. He supposed they didn't quite fit in. For a start, their fashion sense was about fifty years ahead of pretty much anyone else – in her dress and hoodie, and her messenger bag, Mash looked quite normal in London, but she stood out here.
Eventually, they stopped before an expensive-looking door. The plate on it read 'Olga Marie Animusphere – Astromancy Faculty, Department Head'. Below, there was a laminated sheet, stuck on with tape, that read 'Director, Chaldea Security Organisation'.
Mash's boss? Ritsuka hadn't known she was quite that highly-placed.
Mash knocked on the door, and a stern female voice replied. "Enter."
They entered an office, that looked like it was trying to be the grandest and oldest thing in a very grand and old building. Bookshelves lined the wood-panelled walls, an ornate chandelier dangled from the high ceiling, and the room was dominated by an enormous desk, behind which a decidedly not grand and old woman sat.
Well, she was a little grand. She was dressed in some black and orange formal affair, with gold ornamentation on the sleeves and collar, and her hair was done up in an elegant braid at the side. However, despite how white her hair was, she wasn't old at all.
Presumably, this was Olga Marie Animusphere. She looked young to be a department head of an entire faculty, but then Ritsuka had never even gone to university, so what did he know?
No time to dwell on that. This was an interview! Sort of! He had to make a good first impression!
"So, this is the boy you keep on talking about, Mash. Hm." She examined Ritsuka from head to toe. "And how are you this afternoon?"
"Goal-oriented, thank you," said Ritsuka.
Nailed it!
Olga Marie was silent for five full seconds.
After a moment, Ritsuka plastered a big smile on his face to show that he was a positive personality.
He wasn't panicking!
Olga Marie sighed, looking very tired indeed. "Just… just fetch the horrible thing out of its box, Mash. Let's get this over with." She looked at Ritsuka. "Do you know why you're here?"
Ritsuka nodded, thoughtfully. "I would say my biggest weakness is probably the way I don't listen to people asking me questions."
"Senpai, you're not helping!"
While Ritsuka was crushing his interview, Mash had hauled an old wooden chest out of a closet – and while it was old, it also looked incredibly sturdy. It looked like the kind of thing you'd expect to see filled with gold and jewels in a videogame.
It was also chained shut, locked with a comically enormous padlock. Someone really did not want whatever was inside being stolen.
Or whatever was inside getting out…
Mash finally unlocked it, and opened the lid. Then she stood back. Very far back. On the other side of the room, in fact.
Ritsuka wondered what the point of it all was, but he didn't turn his head to look. Eye contact was important in interviews, and so far he hadn't blinked at all or stopped leering into Olga Marie's eyes. That meant he was winning, probably.
"Thank you, Mash," said Olga Marie. "Mr Fujimaru – is there something on my face?"
Ritsuka shook his head, slowly, so as not to lose eye contact.
"… I see. In any case, please prick your thumb and pick up the item in the box."
… well, that was an odd test. But, well, this was technically the furthest Ritsuka had gotten, and he wasn't about to stop now.
He made his way over to the box, and looked inside. It contained… a magic wand? A child's magic wand, pink and gold, with a ring containing a five-pointed star flanked by six wings. There was also a small knife – probably for pricking himself with. He prodded at his thumb with it until he broke the skin.
He looked back at Olga Marie, and saw she'd joined Mash by the far wall.
With a certain amount of trepidation, he reached down and closed his fingers around the shaft of the wand.
Nothing happened.
"Is that it?" he said. "What should I do n-"
And then, without warning, his clothes exploded. A blinding swirl of pink light appeared all around him, and a voice came from nowhere, accompanied by triumphal music and sparkly visual effects.
"Hahahaha! Oh, yes! He's perfect, I'll take him!" it squealed. "I've never seen such protagonist potential!"
The pink light solidified into equally pink cloth, and when it cleared, Rituska found himself standing in Olga Marie's office, dressed in… he didn't really want to think about it.
At the far wall, Mash and Olga Marie wore matching expressions of bewilderment.
"What just happened?" he asked.
In answer, the wand jerked itself out of his hand and hovered in front of him.
"You just became this world's first Magical Boy, that's what happened! I'm Magical Ruby, and you…" it chuckled darkly.
"You're my new project."
Chapter 2 - In which Olga Marie Animusphere is personally cheered up
- Location
- Probably at sea
The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley.
Or at least, so Robert Burns tells us in his wonderful poem To a Mouse.
Have you read it? It's really very poignant. A farmer looks at a fieldmouse whose home he's disturbed, and ponders how, in the end, we are all just tiny mice before the plough of Fate. No matter how well-prepared you think you may be, or indeed how well-laid your plans may be, some great cosmic combine harvester may well chug along without warning and make all your plans gang very agley indeed.
Sadly, such is the price of living in a world of magic and mysteries. It isn't anyone's fault, but you could probably blame Merlin for it. Why not, after all?
Part of living life is learning what to do when your plans do gang agley. If you can roll with the punches, then no matter how agley your plans gang or how aft they do so, you can always find another hole to hide your mousey self in. Even should you find yourself transformed from a man into a mouse, which can happen in a world like this and is usually enough to make pretty well any plan gang agley unless you have some formidable plans indeed, how you deal with these problems is really what separates mice from men, in the end.
However, this kind of mindset is far too little represented among magi. Here we will examine the plans of one Olga Marie Animusphere – who as it happens is neither a man nor a mouse, but is just as vulnerable to the cruel whims of Fate.
And, possibly, the equally cruel whims of Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg when he decides he has a lesson he wants to impart.
What I'm trying to say is that Kaleidosticks ruin everything. It would probably have been easier to start with that, wouldn't it?
With no more poetry and no more ado, then, please enjoy:
Ritsuka Fujimaru, the world's newest Magical Boy, sat in front of Director Olga Marie Animusphere's desk, wearing a pink frilly dress. He was, to his credit, making it look absolutely incredible.
Mash Kyrielight sat next to Ritsuka, and was looking worriedly between him and Director Olga Marie Animusphere, and also occasionally glancing down at Ritsuka's legs, highlighted by their white silk stockings. She wasn't to be blamed for that at all, because his calves were, just, truly majestic. Mash was wearing her white and grey hoodie, and looked really very fetching in it, but was honestly kind of overshadowed at the moment.
Magical Ruby, the wondrous Mystic Code connected to infinite possibilities, was floating above Ritsuka's left shoulder. It wasn't wearing anything, because it was a stick.
Director Olga Marie Animusphere sat behind her desk, wearing a resigned expression.
"Well," she said at last. "Mr Fujimaru, I imagine you would like to know why you are here, and why you are currently dressed as a pervert."
"Yes, please," said Ritsuka politely. He crossed his legs, then thought better of it. Mash looked in the other direction, cheeks flaming.
"I'm still calibrating your costume," explained Ruby. "My last host was a ten-year-old girl, you can't expect me to carry out the necessary adjustments at the drop of a hat!"
"…very well," said Olga Marie. She seemed to be resolutely ignoring Magical Ruby, which was probably only sensible. "I will tell you the story of Chaldea as an organisation, our vision, how we came to be in our current form, and how the Kaleidosticks became involved. I dislike being interrupted, so please save all questions until the end." She looked at Ritsuka.
"Okay."
"Good." Olga Marie smiled. "Now, Chaldea as an idea was first thought up by my father, Marisbury Animusphere, head of the Animusphere family. He was worried about the survival of humanity, and envisioned a device, CHALDEAS, that would predict the future, constantly observing the world at many different points along the time axis, including some number of years ahead. If humanity could be confirmed to exist as far as CHALDEAS could see, then we could be assured that it would survive at least that long.
"Now, this was a massive undertaking, even for a magus family as established as the Animsupheres." She preened, looking at Ritsuka.
He hadn't ever heard of the Animuspheres, but they seemed like a big deal, and Olga Marie certainly seemed like some kind of heiress. She seemed to be looking for some kind of reaction. How could he show he understood how important she was?
Don't mess this up, Ritsuka! Pretend you're speaking to a Kardashian!
Ritsuka's face assumed the appropriate expression of reverential awe, and Olga Marie seemed to approve. She continued.
"CHALDEAS and its sister project SHEBA were both completed as proofs of concept in the nineties, but turning them into a working and viable project was just too costly in terms of resources and energy. So, my father first invented the FATE system, which was intended to summon a Heroic Spirit from the Throne of Heroes as a Servant."
At this point, Olga Marie faltered, seeming to realise she was getting a bit technical. She looked at Ritsuka, clearly uncertain if he was following.
Ritsuka smiled, and nodded encouragingly. He didn't really get any of it, but Olga Marie was clearly on a roll and he didn't want to stop her now. She brightened, and continued.
"…I don't know how familiar you are with those terms, but anyway, his goal was the Holy Grail War, taking place in Fuyuki City, Japan, in two thousand and four. The details aren't important, but the prize for winning was a wish. My father would enter, win, and use his wish to make CHALDEAS a reality!"
She beamed, and Ritsuka beamed right back. Even if he understood none of this, it was important to show interest, right? Right! He nodded, sagely.
Olga Marie continued. "He had it all planned out – the location of the system, the ancillary spells needed to make it all work, the male and female variations on the staff uniform, everything! However…" Olga Marie's face fell. "The FATE system didn't work. No matter how hard my father worked, he couldn't manage to summon a Servant. And… that was that. Without a Servant, he couldn't compete in the Grail War, he couldn't collect any funding, and Chaldea remains just a concept on paper. He died a few years ago, and I inherited a defunct dream… and a Department that takes up most of my time.
"No-one came to help me… they all thought Father was crazy for trying to create Chaldea, and now they think I'm crazy too. I managed to drive away all the traditional family allies, and all the Animusphere servants hate me. Most of the family money is invested in a vacant lot in Antarctica, and without a viable magecraft project I can't get any more from the sponsors…" Olga Marie slumped, her face a study in utter misery.
"Mash, I made myself sad…"
Mash broke in gently. "Director, would you like me to…"
Olga Marie sniffled. "Yes please. You're a good girl, Mash." Her head went down on the desk, and she didn't move.
Ritsuka wasn't sure if he should say anything. Mash seemed to have it under control. She was reliable like that. Also, he wasn't sure if this was still part of the interview.
Mash got up and went over to an old gramophone in the corner, and placed a record on it. Ritsuka peered at the label, and saw a group of good-looking young men on the cover. The title, apparently, was Personalised Cheer Up – A Perfect Gift For That Hardworking Someone, Merchandise Sold Separately!
With a flick, the record span, and a deep male voice came out.
"There, there… it's okay Marie. You're such a good person and you have lots of people who love you. Everyone always says how well Marie copes with the troubles in her life. I'll always be here whenever you're feeling down Marie."
It was very soothing, but spoiled a bit by the fact that every time it said "Marie" it was recorded in a clearly different voice and edited in after the fact.
Mash came and sat down, looking a bit embarrassed.
Ritsuka leaned over. "Um… what am I listening to here?"
Mash whispered back, "It's the Director's personalised relaxing record. You know, you post off a form with various details and they record a soothing medley for you? I got it for her as a gift last Christmas. It seems to help whenever she gets like this."
"Oh yeah. I've heard of those." He had never heard of those. "That's, erm, a very thoughtful gift, Mash."
Ritsuka resolved to never ever look even the slightest bit unhappy around Mash.
After a few minutes of horribly, impossibly embarrassing soothing, Olga Marie looked more like her old self, and she gestured for Mash to shut off the recording.
She looked Ritsuka in the eye for a couple of seconds, as if daring him to say anything. When he didn't, she continued on as if nothing at all had happened. "…now, as I was saying, Chaldeas was put on ice while I searched for funding to advance the project. However, recently another avenue became available – and this is where the Kaleidosticks come in."
"This is the best bit, Master!" Ruby said cheerfully.
"It is not the best bit," snapped Olga Marie, regaining a little fire. "You only think that because you're in it."
"Well, yeah. I'm objectively incredible."
"You are a plague on mankind, you awful piece of plastic, and if I had my way I'd have kept you locked in that box and thrown you into the sea."
"Director, um, you actually did that…" Mash said.
Ruby bobbed up and down. "It was wet!"
"Yes, well, if I had my way you would have stayed there." Olga Marie stopped herself, breathing heavily. "No, we're not doing this. I refuse to argue with a stick."
"You started it."
Mash continued, with a faraway gaze, as if remembering some terrible ordeal. "I had to justify the expense claim to the accountants. They were really mean about it. 'Why did you charter a fishing boat to the North Sea?' they asked. 'What do naval charts have to do with astromancy and why are the deepest areas circled in red?' they asked. 'Where is that high-security chest we lent you, can we have that back?' they said…"
Olga Marie took a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "As I was saying. The Wizard Marshal Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg heard of the Chaldea project, and threw his own support behind it. I'm sure he needs no introduction, so it should go without saying that he had some conditions. I accepted, of course, because the Wizard Marshal is not someone whom you turn down lightly, and his backing could very well be the thing that makes Chaldea a reality.
"Most of the conditions were stuff I won't bore you with, but the main one was this: Chaldea had to prove its worth by hunting down and returning the Class Cards. These are… mm, it's probably best just to show you."
She opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a small leather case, just large enough for a phone. Inside, there was exactly one card – like a playing card, but with no suit or numeral, instead bearing a stylised picture of a shield. She didn't hand it to Ritsuka, just showed him both sides, then put it away.
"This is the Shielder Card. The Class Cards are… well, it's a bit technical. You can think of them as rogue Servants, though, and the task the Wizard Marshal assigned us was to hunt down and seal them. He detected eight scattered around London – this is the first, and the only one we've managed to seal away so far. The Cards hide themselves in separate dimensions, which makes finding them tricky, but we did stumble onto this one by chance and defeat the Servant."
"What's this 'we' business? You didn't do anything," said Ruby.
Olga Marie gritted her teeth. "Neither did you. Mash and Sapphire did all the work, because they are the only members of this organisation who ever do anything."
"Yeah, well, not any more! Now I've got a real Master again, it's time for Magical Ruby to shine! Hold onto your butts, because Kaleido Garnet is going to burst onto the scene in a blaze of awesome and kick all the ass, minus the ass that is being held onto in anticipation of said kicking." She floated nearer to Ritsuka. "Kaleido Garnet is your new name, by the way. I decided it just now."
"It's very good," said Ritsuka diplomatically. "Um, the dress…?" He rubbed his knees together. It was a bit drafty.
"Still calibrating, sorry!"
Olga Marie continued, sounding pained. "As you can probably tell by now, the Kaleidosticks are not your average Mystic Code. Magical Ruby, and her sister, Magical Sapphire, are sentient creations of the Wizard Marshal himself, and he was kind enough to loan them to us for the time being. They are objectively the worst, but they are also necessary to locate, access and fight the Class Cards. So, unfortunately, we are stuck with them."
She leaned back in her chair. "And that's it, in a nutshell. We're here to save the world, but to do that, we need all the money. To get all the money, we need to collect Class Cards. If you accept, I can offer a modest wage, and of course I'm happy to cover your rent as well… or should I just buy the freehold? If I'm going to be paying for two people to live there, I may as well…"
Mash spoke up. "Um, I don't think the flat was up for sale, Director."
"Oh, that's no problem. Get me his address, I can go round and hypnotise him this afternoon. It's only sensible, and we don't need to be throwing more money away, do we? It's always better to own property, children, especially in this city. Remember that!" She wrote something down in a notebook, chuckling darkly.
The aristocracy were scary.
"Oh, also your helping us out with this project will be a massive boost to your experience and reputation in the Association once it's completed," Olga Marie went on. "Not everyone gets to work with Heroic Spirits, even reduced forms bound to cards. And, of course, I'd be willing to give my personal recommendation."
"Thank you," said Ritsuka, basically automatically. That all sounded very nice indeed. Contacts in the workplace were always valuable, no matter the industry. It was probably the same in magical card collecting as it was in, say, finance, but with less chance you'd have to actually interact with an accountant, so already he was liking the sound of this.
"So, if we're going to be working together, I'd like to know more about where you're coming from. Just the basics – your lineage, what you specialise in, what you're studying here at the Clock Tower, that sort of thing. Before that, thank you for waiting so patiently do you have any questions you would like to ask me?"
"Yes," said Ristuka.
Olga smiled. "Please, go ahead."
"Thank you. First – are you telling me that magic is real?"
There was a long, long silence.
Ritsuka smiled brightly, just in case it would help lighten the mood.
It didn't.
"Mash…" said Olga Marie. She wasn't smiling now, and in fact looked very, very calm. Her voice had no emotion in it at all. It was very impressive. "I'm just checking here… and it does occur to me that I really should have asked this earlier… but Ritsuka is a magus, isn't he?"
Mash was looking down, blushing. "He is not."
"I could maybe pull a coin out of your ear if you give me five minutes. And a coin," said Ritsuka helpfully.
"Ah." Olga Marie paused, searching for her next words. "Okay, I assumed he was, and that's on me. I should have done some background research, and maybe not taken the word of a sixteen-year-old on who was a suitable candidate to bring into our multimillion-pound venture. I'll admit that. But Ritsuka…"
Ritsuka straightened up. "Yes!"
"Why didn't you say anything sooner!?" Olga Marie shrieked, slamming her hands on the table.
"You said to save any questions until the end," he pointed out reasonably. "I thought you might get around to explaining the magic bit."
"No! Magic is a secret! I can't just spill everything to anyone who walks in off the street!" She broke off, breathing hard. "It's okay. This is fine. I can just wipe his memory, send him back, and we can try and find another candidate…"
Ruby darted in front of Ritsuka protectively. "Oh no you don't! This boy is a natural! His face, his voice, his easy charm, he's the best prospect I've seen in years. He's a little rough around the edges, I'll grant you, but within this boy lies a heartbreaker of truly epic potential. I'm thinking action figures, I'm thinking posters, I'm thinking an entire harem of gorgeous ladies to play off. It'll be glorious, and I can't allow you to stop my fun now!"
"Eh, ah, um, not that I don't agree, but…" Mash stuttered, visibly flustered.
From her bag, another wand-looking thing floated out. Ritsuka supposed this was Magical Sapphire. It looked very similar to Magical Ruby – but with butterfly wings on the outside of the ring that made up the head of the wand and a six-pointed star inside to Ruby's five.
"That's no good, sister," it said, in a noticeably more dignified voice than Ruby. "You are distressing Miss Mash. I cannot allow her to be part of a harem unless she is given the prime position with exclusive access."
"Sapphire!" squeaked Mash. "T-there's no need for that!"
Ritsuka nodded. "That's right. I'm not really a harem kind of guy." He looked out the window, reminiscing about his storied past. He looked very dashing, even in the frilly pink dress. "I've played around enough, and I've realised I'm after a girl that I can share my life with. I'm looking for… the one, and when I find her I'm not going to disrespect her by not giving her my full attention."
Mash was slowly turning scarlet next to him, mouth working silently.
"See? See?" said Ruby. "This is raw material of the highest quality. Marie, you're going to have to work with him, because I'm not going to contract with anyone else. It's Ritsuka, or nothing."
Olga Marie screamed quietly for five full seconds, then slammed her head down on the desk. "This is a disaster. We're doomed. The Chaldea Project is dead in the water. One of my assistants is an experiment who knows nothing about the outside world, and the other is an idiot who knows nothing about magic!"
Ritsuka filed the 'experiment' label away for later, but didn't push the issue. Instead he reached out, tentatively, and patted Olga Marie on the head. "There, there… um, on the bright side, when Mash and I are together we make one whole wizard?"
Olga Marie didn't move, but the sounds of sobbing came from beneath that head of silver-white hair.
Mash got up.
"…Marie is the example everyone wants to follow. You are a vibrant, beautiful creature and you deserve a hug from someone you care about…"
Mash gently tugged Ritsuka away from Olga Marie, while the sounds of her personalised cringe apocalypse filled the room. "Senpai, I don't think there's anything more we can do here. She'll come around eventually."
Ritsuka looked back. "I didn't mean to make her sad…"
"She kind of makes herself sad," Mash said. Sadly. "She tries very hard, and she isn't ever rewarded for her efforts. The Director will be fine." She fidgeted. "Um, I could show you around the Department, if you like?"
"Sure. I'd like that," Ritsuka said. He let Mash take him by the arm and lead him from the room. "Except…"
"Yes?"
"Can I change out of this dress now?"
"Still calibrating, Master!"
Or at least, so Robert Burns tells us in his wonderful poem To a Mouse.
Have you read it? It's really very poignant. A farmer looks at a fieldmouse whose home he's disturbed, and ponders how, in the end, we are all just tiny mice before the plough of Fate. No matter how well-prepared you think you may be, or indeed how well-laid your plans may be, some great cosmic combine harvester may well chug along without warning and make all your plans gang very agley indeed.
Sadly, such is the price of living in a world of magic and mysteries. It isn't anyone's fault, but you could probably blame Merlin for it. Why not, after all?
Part of living life is learning what to do when your plans do gang agley. If you can roll with the punches, then no matter how agley your plans gang or how aft they do so, you can always find another hole to hide your mousey self in. Even should you find yourself transformed from a man into a mouse, which can happen in a world like this and is usually enough to make pretty well any plan gang agley unless you have some formidable plans indeed, how you deal with these problems is really what separates mice from men, in the end.
However, this kind of mindset is far too little represented among magi. Here we will examine the plans of one Olga Marie Animusphere – who as it happens is neither a man nor a mouse, but is just as vulnerable to the cruel whims of Fate.
And, possibly, the equally cruel whims of Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg when he decides he has a lesson he wants to impart.
What I'm trying to say is that Kaleidosticks ruin everything. It would probably have been easier to start with that, wouldn't it?
With no more poetry and no more ado, then, please enjoy:
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Two – In which Olga Marie Animusphere is personally cheered up
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Two – In which Olga Marie Animusphere is personally cheered up
---
Ritsuka Fujimaru, the world's newest Magical Boy, sat in front of Director Olga Marie Animusphere's desk, wearing a pink frilly dress. He was, to his credit, making it look absolutely incredible.
Mash Kyrielight sat next to Ritsuka, and was looking worriedly between him and Director Olga Marie Animusphere, and also occasionally glancing down at Ritsuka's legs, highlighted by their white silk stockings. She wasn't to be blamed for that at all, because his calves were, just, truly majestic. Mash was wearing her white and grey hoodie, and looked really very fetching in it, but was honestly kind of overshadowed at the moment.
Magical Ruby, the wondrous Mystic Code connected to infinite possibilities, was floating above Ritsuka's left shoulder. It wasn't wearing anything, because it was a stick.
Director Olga Marie Animusphere sat behind her desk, wearing a resigned expression.
"Well," she said at last. "Mr Fujimaru, I imagine you would like to know why you are here, and why you are currently dressed as a pervert."
"Yes, please," said Ritsuka politely. He crossed his legs, then thought better of it. Mash looked in the other direction, cheeks flaming.
"I'm still calibrating your costume," explained Ruby. "My last host was a ten-year-old girl, you can't expect me to carry out the necessary adjustments at the drop of a hat!"
"…very well," said Olga Marie. She seemed to be resolutely ignoring Magical Ruby, which was probably only sensible. "I will tell you the story of Chaldea as an organisation, our vision, how we came to be in our current form, and how the Kaleidosticks became involved. I dislike being interrupted, so please save all questions until the end." She looked at Ritsuka.
"Okay."
"Good." Olga Marie smiled. "Now, Chaldea as an idea was first thought up by my father, Marisbury Animusphere, head of the Animusphere family. He was worried about the survival of humanity, and envisioned a device, CHALDEAS, that would predict the future, constantly observing the world at many different points along the time axis, including some number of years ahead. If humanity could be confirmed to exist as far as CHALDEAS could see, then we could be assured that it would survive at least that long.
"Now, this was a massive undertaking, even for a magus family as established as the Animsupheres." She preened, looking at Ritsuka.
He hadn't ever heard of the Animuspheres, but they seemed like a big deal, and Olga Marie certainly seemed like some kind of heiress. She seemed to be looking for some kind of reaction. How could he show he understood how important she was?
Don't mess this up, Ritsuka! Pretend you're speaking to a Kardashian!
Ritsuka's face assumed the appropriate expression of reverential awe, and Olga Marie seemed to approve. She continued.
"CHALDEAS and its sister project SHEBA were both completed as proofs of concept in the nineties, but turning them into a working and viable project was just too costly in terms of resources and energy. So, my father first invented the FATE system, which was intended to summon a Heroic Spirit from the Throne of Heroes as a Servant."
At this point, Olga Marie faltered, seeming to realise she was getting a bit technical. She looked at Ritsuka, clearly uncertain if he was following.
Ritsuka smiled, and nodded encouragingly. He didn't really get any of it, but Olga Marie was clearly on a roll and he didn't want to stop her now. She brightened, and continued.
"…I don't know how familiar you are with those terms, but anyway, his goal was the Holy Grail War, taking place in Fuyuki City, Japan, in two thousand and four. The details aren't important, but the prize for winning was a wish. My father would enter, win, and use his wish to make CHALDEAS a reality!"
She beamed, and Ritsuka beamed right back. Even if he understood none of this, it was important to show interest, right? Right! He nodded, sagely.
Olga Marie continued. "He had it all planned out – the location of the system, the ancillary spells needed to make it all work, the male and female variations on the staff uniform, everything! However…" Olga Marie's face fell. "The FATE system didn't work. No matter how hard my father worked, he couldn't manage to summon a Servant. And… that was that. Without a Servant, he couldn't compete in the Grail War, he couldn't collect any funding, and Chaldea remains just a concept on paper. He died a few years ago, and I inherited a defunct dream… and a Department that takes up most of my time.
"No-one came to help me… they all thought Father was crazy for trying to create Chaldea, and now they think I'm crazy too. I managed to drive away all the traditional family allies, and all the Animusphere servants hate me. Most of the family money is invested in a vacant lot in Antarctica, and without a viable magecraft project I can't get any more from the sponsors…" Olga Marie slumped, her face a study in utter misery.
"Mash, I made myself sad…"
Mash broke in gently. "Director, would you like me to…"
Olga Marie sniffled. "Yes please. You're a good girl, Mash." Her head went down on the desk, and she didn't move.
Ritsuka wasn't sure if he should say anything. Mash seemed to have it under control. She was reliable like that. Also, he wasn't sure if this was still part of the interview.
Mash got up and went over to an old gramophone in the corner, and placed a record on it. Ritsuka peered at the label, and saw a group of good-looking young men on the cover. The title, apparently, was Personalised Cheer Up – A Perfect Gift For That Hardworking Someone, Merchandise Sold Separately!
With a flick, the record span, and a deep male voice came out.
"There, there… it's okay Marie. You're such a good person and you have lots of people who love you. Everyone always says how well Marie copes with the troubles in her life. I'll always be here whenever you're feeling down Marie."
It was very soothing, but spoiled a bit by the fact that every time it said "Marie" it was recorded in a clearly different voice and edited in after the fact.
Mash came and sat down, looking a bit embarrassed.
Ritsuka leaned over. "Um… what am I listening to here?"
Mash whispered back, "It's the Director's personalised relaxing record. You know, you post off a form with various details and they record a soothing medley for you? I got it for her as a gift last Christmas. It seems to help whenever she gets like this."
"Oh yeah. I've heard of those." He had never heard of those. "That's, erm, a very thoughtful gift, Mash."
Ritsuka resolved to never ever look even the slightest bit unhappy around Mash.
After a few minutes of horribly, impossibly embarrassing soothing, Olga Marie looked more like her old self, and she gestured for Mash to shut off the recording.
She looked Ritsuka in the eye for a couple of seconds, as if daring him to say anything. When he didn't, she continued on as if nothing at all had happened. "…now, as I was saying, Chaldeas was put on ice while I searched for funding to advance the project. However, recently another avenue became available – and this is where the Kaleidosticks come in."
"This is the best bit, Master!" Ruby said cheerfully.
"It is not the best bit," snapped Olga Marie, regaining a little fire. "You only think that because you're in it."
"Well, yeah. I'm objectively incredible."
"You are a plague on mankind, you awful piece of plastic, and if I had my way I'd have kept you locked in that box and thrown you into the sea."
"Director, um, you actually did that…" Mash said.
Ruby bobbed up and down. "It was wet!"
"Yes, well, if I had my way you would have stayed there." Olga Marie stopped herself, breathing heavily. "No, we're not doing this. I refuse to argue with a stick."
"You started it."
Mash continued, with a faraway gaze, as if remembering some terrible ordeal. "I had to justify the expense claim to the accountants. They were really mean about it. 'Why did you charter a fishing boat to the North Sea?' they asked. 'What do naval charts have to do with astromancy and why are the deepest areas circled in red?' they asked. 'Where is that high-security chest we lent you, can we have that back?' they said…"
Olga Marie took a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "As I was saying. The Wizard Marshal Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg heard of the Chaldea project, and threw his own support behind it. I'm sure he needs no introduction, so it should go without saying that he had some conditions. I accepted, of course, because the Wizard Marshal is not someone whom you turn down lightly, and his backing could very well be the thing that makes Chaldea a reality.
"Most of the conditions were stuff I won't bore you with, but the main one was this: Chaldea had to prove its worth by hunting down and returning the Class Cards. These are… mm, it's probably best just to show you."
She opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a small leather case, just large enough for a phone. Inside, there was exactly one card – like a playing card, but with no suit or numeral, instead bearing a stylised picture of a shield. She didn't hand it to Ritsuka, just showed him both sides, then put it away.
"This is the Shielder Card. The Class Cards are… well, it's a bit technical. You can think of them as rogue Servants, though, and the task the Wizard Marshal assigned us was to hunt down and seal them. He detected eight scattered around London – this is the first, and the only one we've managed to seal away so far. The Cards hide themselves in separate dimensions, which makes finding them tricky, but we did stumble onto this one by chance and defeat the Servant."
"What's this 'we' business? You didn't do anything," said Ruby.
Olga Marie gritted her teeth. "Neither did you. Mash and Sapphire did all the work, because they are the only members of this organisation who ever do anything."
"Yeah, well, not any more! Now I've got a real Master again, it's time for Magical Ruby to shine! Hold onto your butts, because Kaleido Garnet is going to burst onto the scene in a blaze of awesome and kick all the ass, minus the ass that is being held onto in anticipation of said kicking." She floated nearer to Ritsuka. "Kaleido Garnet is your new name, by the way. I decided it just now."
"It's very good," said Ritsuka diplomatically. "Um, the dress…?" He rubbed his knees together. It was a bit drafty.
"Still calibrating, sorry!"
Olga Marie continued, sounding pained. "As you can probably tell by now, the Kaleidosticks are not your average Mystic Code. Magical Ruby, and her sister, Magical Sapphire, are sentient creations of the Wizard Marshal himself, and he was kind enough to loan them to us for the time being. They are objectively the worst, but they are also necessary to locate, access and fight the Class Cards. So, unfortunately, we are stuck with them."
She leaned back in her chair. "And that's it, in a nutshell. We're here to save the world, but to do that, we need all the money. To get all the money, we need to collect Class Cards. If you accept, I can offer a modest wage, and of course I'm happy to cover your rent as well… or should I just buy the freehold? If I'm going to be paying for two people to live there, I may as well…"
Mash spoke up. "Um, I don't think the flat was up for sale, Director."
"Oh, that's no problem. Get me his address, I can go round and hypnotise him this afternoon. It's only sensible, and we don't need to be throwing more money away, do we? It's always better to own property, children, especially in this city. Remember that!" She wrote something down in a notebook, chuckling darkly.
The aristocracy were scary.
"Oh, also your helping us out with this project will be a massive boost to your experience and reputation in the Association once it's completed," Olga Marie went on. "Not everyone gets to work with Heroic Spirits, even reduced forms bound to cards. And, of course, I'd be willing to give my personal recommendation."
"Thank you," said Ritsuka, basically automatically. That all sounded very nice indeed. Contacts in the workplace were always valuable, no matter the industry. It was probably the same in magical card collecting as it was in, say, finance, but with less chance you'd have to actually interact with an accountant, so already he was liking the sound of this.
"So, if we're going to be working together, I'd like to know more about where you're coming from. Just the basics – your lineage, what you specialise in, what you're studying here at the Clock Tower, that sort of thing. Before that, thank you for waiting so patiently do you have any questions you would like to ask me?"
"Yes," said Ristuka.
Olga smiled. "Please, go ahead."
"Thank you. First – are you telling me that magic is real?"
There was a long, long silence.
Ritsuka smiled brightly, just in case it would help lighten the mood.
It didn't.
"Mash…" said Olga Marie. She wasn't smiling now, and in fact looked very, very calm. Her voice had no emotion in it at all. It was very impressive. "I'm just checking here… and it does occur to me that I really should have asked this earlier… but Ritsuka is a magus, isn't he?"
Mash was looking down, blushing. "He is not."
"I could maybe pull a coin out of your ear if you give me five minutes. And a coin," said Ritsuka helpfully.
"Ah." Olga Marie paused, searching for her next words. "Okay, I assumed he was, and that's on me. I should have done some background research, and maybe not taken the word of a sixteen-year-old on who was a suitable candidate to bring into our multimillion-pound venture. I'll admit that. But Ritsuka…"
Ritsuka straightened up. "Yes!"
"Why didn't you say anything sooner!?" Olga Marie shrieked, slamming her hands on the table.
"You said to save any questions until the end," he pointed out reasonably. "I thought you might get around to explaining the magic bit."
"No! Magic is a secret! I can't just spill everything to anyone who walks in off the street!" She broke off, breathing hard. "It's okay. This is fine. I can just wipe his memory, send him back, and we can try and find another candidate…"
Ruby darted in front of Ritsuka protectively. "Oh no you don't! This boy is a natural! His face, his voice, his easy charm, he's the best prospect I've seen in years. He's a little rough around the edges, I'll grant you, but within this boy lies a heartbreaker of truly epic potential. I'm thinking action figures, I'm thinking posters, I'm thinking an entire harem of gorgeous ladies to play off. It'll be glorious, and I can't allow you to stop my fun now!"
"Eh, ah, um, not that I don't agree, but…" Mash stuttered, visibly flustered.
From her bag, another wand-looking thing floated out. Ritsuka supposed this was Magical Sapphire. It looked very similar to Magical Ruby – but with butterfly wings on the outside of the ring that made up the head of the wand and a six-pointed star inside to Ruby's five.
"That's no good, sister," it said, in a noticeably more dignified voice than Ruby. "You are distressing Miss Mash. I cannot allow her to be part of a harem unless she is given the prime position with exclusive access."
"Sapphire!" squeaked Mash. "T-there's no need for that!"
Ritsuka nodded. "That's right. I'm not really a harem kind of guy." He looked out the window, reminiscing about his storied past. He looked very dashing, even in the frilly pink dress. "I've played around enough, and I've realised I'm after a girl that I can share my life with. I'm looking for… the one, and when I find her I'm not going to disrespect her by not giving her my full attention."
Mash was slowly turning scarlet next to him, mouth working silently.
"See? See?" said Ruby. "This is raw material of the highest quality. Marie, you're going to have to work with him, because I'm not going to contract with anyone else. It's Ritsuka, or nothing."
Olga Marie screamed quietly for five full seconds, then slammed her head down on the desk. "This is a disaster. We're doomed. The Chaldea Project is dead in the water. One of my assistants is an experiment who knows nothing about the outside world, and the other is an idiot who knows nothing about magic!"
Ritsuka filed the 'experiment' label away for later, but didn't push the issue. Instead he reached out, tentatively, and patted Olga Marie on the head. "There, there… um, on the bright side, when Mash and I are together we make one whole wizard?"
Olga Marie didn't move, but the sounds of sobbing came from beneath that head of silver-white hair.
Mash got up.
"…Marie is the example everyone wants to follow. You are a vibrant, beautiful creature and you deserve a hug from someone you care about…"
Mash gently tugged Ritsuka away from Olga Marie, while the sounds of her personalised cringe apocalypse filled the room. "Senpai, I don't think there's anything more we can do here. She'll come around eventually."
Ritsuka looked back. "I didn't mean to make her sad…"
"She kind of makes herself sad," Mash said. Sadly. "She tries very hard, and she isn't ever rewarded for her efforts. The Director will be fine." She fidgeted. "Um, I could show you around the Department, if you like?"
"Sure. I'd like that," Ritsuka said. He let Mash take him by the arm and lead him from the room. "Except…"
"Yes?"
"Can I change out of this dress now?"
"Still calibrating, Master!"
Chapter 3 - In which nothing at all burns down, we're told
- Location
- Probably at sea
How ready are you?
In general, people are prepared to do what they usually do, and not a whole lot more. Whenever you try and do something new, that's when you run into problems. Things you didn't expect, things you thought you expected, but didn't, and things you never even expected you'd have to expect. It's a wonder anyone ever gets anything new done, and the entire world doesn't just run itself around its own little tracks forever until they die of sheer boredom.
Although I suppose you could make the case that that's exactly what happens to most people in the end.
You can, of course, try your best to cover all the angles. If you are particularly diligent and forward-looking, you can avoid most of the pitfalls and proceed, safe in the knowledge that when you do get blindsided, it'll be by something truly massive.
Gosh, what a gloomy way to start a chapter! Let's forget all about our inevitable descent into ennui and examine what happens when our glorious protagonist tries something new, in:
It wasn't really something that a lot of people thought about, but London was basically built on more London. Under the city that everyone lived in was a subterranean maze – cellars, tunnels, the web of the Underground, and old forgotten places that hadn't seen the sun in over a century.
According to Mash, below all of that was a sleeping dragon the size of a mountain, but Ritsuka wasn't sure if he believed that.
But there certainly was a lot of real estate that most people didn't realise was there. The Magus Association – of which Ritsuka supposed he was now technically a member – had used their old money and connections to buy up a lot of it. In dark and dingy holes all over London, magi had set up laboratories, workshops, cells…
… and training grounds.
Ritsuka stood in the middle of a plain room, lit by cheap fluorescent lamps, with not much in the way of furniture but with very thick walls indeed. On one of those walls, a target had been painted.
After a week of practice, including an hour today, Ritsuka had not quite managed to leave a mark on it.
But he was a Magical Boy now, and that meant he couldn't give up just because magic turned out to be a little harder than he'd thought. He'd had a long enough break, he thought. "Alright, Mash, Ruby," he said. "Let's go again!"
"You got it, Master!" Ruby floated up in front of him, and Ritsuka took hold of her haft and swiped her dramatically to one side.
"Magical, lyrical, transform! I am a hero of love, justice and also love! Kaleido Garnet, set up!"
(He didn't actually have to do this, but it did reduce the chances Ruby would 'forget' about his redesigned costume and stick him in the dress again.)
When the lightshow faded, Ritsuka struck his best Jojo's pose, and surreptitiously checked his costume out, breathing a sigh of relief when he recognised it as the one he'd come up with alongside Ruby a week ago.
Tight white trousers, a very poofy white shirt underneath a hot pink and burgundy waistcoat, and white gold boots and belt. The whole thing was tied together with a badass cape, white on the outside and deep pink on the inside. With Ruby in her wand form, Ritsuka suspected he looked more like a magical lyrical pimp than anything else, but he wasn't going to complain. He did look legitimately awesome.
Besides, Mash liked it. So that was that.
She gave Ritsuka a smile and a thumbs up from the other side of the room, which he returned.
"Sapphire," she said.
"Beginning transformation, Miss Mash. Kaleido Amethyst, set up," came the cool, calm voice of Mash's own Kaleidostick.
Mash's costume was a lot less flashy, and Sapphire hadn't seemed quite as determined to embarrass her wielder as Ruby was, but Ritsuka suspected the sticks weren't quite as different as they pretended.
But it wasn't his place to say anything so for now he just watched Mash's rather extended transformation sequence.
When it was finished, he kept looking.
"Senpai…" said Mash, shuffling in place with her cheeks on fire. "Stop staring so intently, it's embarrassing…"
Mash wasn't the only one who approved of her teammate's magical costume.
However, no matter how supportive his adorable flatmate was, it would mean nothing unless Ritsuka could master using Ruby enough to fight at her side.
"Okay, Mash," he said. "Could you please demonstrate one more time?"
"Yes, senpai!"
Mash flourished Sapphire, and a coruscating bolt of blue magic shot from the tip and slammed into the wall, scuffing the paint and knocking dust from the ceiling.
Ritsuka ruffled her hair. "You make it look so easy, you little paragon of justice, you. Maybe I should be calling you senpai, huh?"
Mash blushed. "Nonsense. I just started earlier, that's all. I'm sure with practice you'll be able to do much better!"
Ristuka couldn't help it. He ruffled Mash's hair again, making hear squeak in surprise. She didn't pull away, though.
She had a point. There was no use whining about it, all he could do was carry on practicing. And, it was true, he'd made progress. When he'd started, he'd had to rely on Ruby to do everything for him. It was enough to let him transform and pull off some simple tricks, but it wasn't how the Kaleidosticks were meant to be used and he'd never show his full power that way. Under Ruby and Mash's tutelage, he learned how to Magical Boy, and he had to admit he was getting better.
As he was now, he could feel the endless reserves of magic that Ruby connected him to – so close, and just out of reach. And they stayed just out of reach, allowing him only the barest trickle, a taste of power.
Ritsuka reached for the magic, the way Ruby had shown him. He raised Ruby ready to strike.
"HaaaaaaAAAAAAH!" he yelled, and swung Ruby like a bat. At the apex of his swing, he connected to the vast sea of magical energy, and felt his attack coalesce from nothing and fly like a bullet towards the target.
The pea-sized bolt of pink energy hit dead centre with a pathetic little plit noise. If there had been a spider there, it might have given it a headache. But there wasn't, so for all the good he'd done to the wall Ritsuka may as well have spend his morning in bed.
Mash, bless her, clapped and cheered. Ritsuka resisted the urge to sigh, and smiled weakly back at her. He let go of Ruby, and she 'poof'ed back into her circle form.
"Alright, I don't get it," he said. "What am I doing wrong?"
"Nothing," said Ruby. "You're doing just fine – if you weren't, nothing would have happened at all. The fact that you can produce a blast consistently is really good!"
"Well, it is pretty cool to be doing any magic at all," Ritsuka admitted. "But that's no good if I can't use it in combat! I want to help you, Mash – how come your magic is so much stronger than mine?"
"Um…" Mash fidgeted. "I guess it's to do with the differences in our magic circuits?"
"Magic circuits?"
"That's probably it," said Ruby. "Master, the simple answer to why your magic isn't strong is 'because you're not a mage'. The amount of magic you can channel is limited by your magic circuits. Mash has a lot, but you have barely any – it's not your fault, usually only magi have any at all. Your personality and contract compatibility are both amazing, but to be honest the fact we can squeeze any magic out of you at all is a miracle."
Hmm… well, that did sound better than him just being rubbish for no reason. If it was something he was born with, Ritsuka could live with that. But something still bothered him.
"I get that I can't do magic normally, but I thought that you solved that problem, Ruby?" he said. "You connect to infinite magic, don't you?"
"I do! But that doesn't mean you can channel infinite amounts at once." Ruby bobbed back and forth, as if unsure how to proceed. "Okay, forget all this magic circuit stuff, and think about this. There's a house on fire at the beach."
"That's a strange analogy."
"Analogy? Oh, yes, an analogy. And nothing more. Anyway. This house, it's right next to the sea, and it's, just, burning like two people getting on very well. Even the pool, which was quite hard to do."
Ritsuka exchanged a look with Mash. He didn't think Ruby had been out of his sight long enough to do anything truly heinous, but then she was a very, very cursed – sorry, magical – item.
"Ruby, you didn't really set a house on fire, did you-"
"Your job is to put out the fire, but all you have is a thimble," said Ruby, ignoring Mash's hurried question. "You have the entire sea to work with, but you can only actually use it a thimble at a time. Luckily, you can accomplish quite a lot by being efficient, but in the end it's a thimble."
"Right, yes, but just to check, there isn't actually a house burning down right now-"
"To answer your question, Mash would have a bucket, or maybe even a bathtub. She's actually quite adept at handling large amounts magical energy, even more than most magi. Ahh, Sapphire, you really lucked out there… but yes, Mash could put out that fire much quicker and easier than you could. And she probably should be the one to deal with it most of the time, because wow, that thing was really going."
Ritsuka exchanged another look with Mash, and made a mental note to let the Director know to keep an ear our for any coastal arson cases. Just in case she needed to pay someone off in a hurry.
For now, he had a problem to solve.
"So my problem isn't a lack of mana, it's in how much I can use in a given time… hmm. I wonder…"
He grabbed Ruby again, and ignored her obscene squeal of surprised glee. He pointed her at the target again, and connected to the infinitude of power once more. Once more, power flowed through him – but instead of firing it off, he gathered it into a ball at Ruby's tip. At first it was tiny, but every second more and more flowed into it. For long moments, he let it grow, feeling the rush of magical energy running through his body.
When it was the size of a baseball, he fired it off, and smiled when it slammed, with a satisfying crack, into the centre of the target. A little paint fell from the wall.
Mash clasped her hands in front of her, eyes sparkling. "Wow, senpai! That was so cool! You're improving so quickly… I knew you could do it!"
"That's good, because I didn't…" Ritsuka said, but Mash's mood was infectious. He cracked a smile. "It was pretty cool, right? I thought, if my only limit is on how much I can put in at once, all I have to do it keep a spell active for long enough to pack more power into it. And, well, charging spells always made them more powerful in videogames…"
"That's a protagonist for you!" said Ruby, as if she'd had anything to do with it. "It's a little slow, though, Master. It works well enough, but in combat you can't be standing around for ages while you build up your attacks! We'll need to practice. Wanna help, Mash? Sapphire?"
"Oh, you mean a spar?" Mash fidgeted. "Um, I'm not sure that'd be a good idea. I've only ever fought once before, and I'd hate it if I hurt senpai by accident. Sorry, senpai."
Ritsuka quickly held his hands up in surrender. "Hey, I'm totally okay with that. I'll still need to practise a lot before I can even think about using charged spells in combat. There's no way I can take on someone who managed to defeat a hero Card."
He looked Mash up and down. It was hard to think of her as anything other than the friend he'd gotten to know so well – sweet, kind, innocent, and totally unsuited to dealing with the world beyond what she knew. And yet, she must have been a little more resilient than he'd thought, if she managed to get the best of a hero from myth and legend all by herself.
"What was that like, anyway?" he asked. "Fighting the Shielder Card, I mean. Where did you even find it? How powerful was it? Wait, which hero was it anyway?"
Mash giggled. "We actually don't know. Whoever it was, they didn't give any clues during the fight, and they don't seem to want to do much of anything now. The fight…" she sighed, and her eyes took on a faraway look. "It was actually part of Lord Zelretch's proposal to the Director. He brought both of us in, showed us the Shielder Card, and then shoved Sapphire into my hands and stepped back. Shielder never went at us full-force, I think, but even so it was very fast and strong, and would try to bash us with its shield. It could crush the concrete beneath us, so I knew I had to stay away.
"Sapphire knew what to do, pretty much, and somehow I managed to keep out of its way long enough to figure out how to walk on air. It got a lot easier then, and I just kept on hitting it with bigger and bigger magic blasts. Nothing really worked, but eventually it just… gave up, I guess?"
She smiled, and stroked Sapphire with her thumb absently. "We managed to seal it somehow, and then Lord Zelretch said if we found and sealed the rest of the Cards he'd fund us. We could hardly refuse now that I'd contracted with Sapphire, and now that we'd seen that we actually could deal with the Cards."
"And the rest is history," Ritsuka finished.
It seemed like kind of a dick move on the Wizard Marshal's part, but then Ritsuka wasn't in charge of an academy full of arrogant wizards all trying to get their slice of the pie. Maybe sometimes you had to be a bit ruthless to get things done to preserve the pie, and this meant slapping the fingers of those who tried to stick their fingers in that pie while it was too hot to touch.
(In this metaphor, the pie represented ultimate enlightenment and understanding, or possibly just the ability to big-dick your way into magically doing whatever you wanted for the rest your life, Ritsuka wasn't certain on that point and the Director had been a bit evasive on the subject.)
Still. He was glad he was here to help out. Even if it was just a little, making Mash fight all alone just didn't seem right.
On the other hand, he was pretty sure she was having the exact same thoughts about him, which made him even more determined to help her out so as not to make her worry. Just one big feedback loop of camaraderie. She met his eyes, and smiled shyly.
The moment stretched on.
"Good afternoon, you two," came the Director's voice, interrupting the moment quite nicely. "Come up to the office when you're finished with what you're doing. And this time, remember to change out of those fetish outfits those bastard sticks put you in, for God's sake!"
Ritsuka and Mash hastily looked away from each other, and made their way up through the underground world of London's secrets into the light.
When they got to the Director's office, Ritsuka was surprised to find someone already there on the way out.
A tall man in a green suit and very fluffy hair tipped his top hat to Ritsuka and Mash, before proceeding on his way with an unsettling smirk.
Ritsuka leaned in to Mash. "Who was that?" he whispered.
"That was Professor Lainur," said Mash. "He worked with Chaldea for a bit. He developed the SHEBA Near-Future Observation Lens, I know that. He was always very kind, to me and to the Director."
"Huh. OK." He'd looked like a supervillain to Ritsuka, but then he wasn't really up on magus fashion.
They went in, to find Olga Marie in a better mood than Ritsuka had ever seen her. She favoured them with a friendly smile as they entered, which for the Director was basically the same as jumping up and down with glee.
"Good afternoon, you two! I hope training went well, because it's time for your first field test!"
"Oh, that's wonderful, Director!" said Mash. "We managed to find a Card?"
Olga Marie preened, and twirled one lock of hair around her finger. "Yes… Lev – ahem, or Professor Lainur, I should say – was kind enough to offer his expertise with scrying and observation spells, and using that and the leyline map that Lord El-Melloi II finally sent over a few weeks ago, we were able to get a lock on the first Card's position."
From one of the drawers of her desk, she brought out an ancient-looking map and a vial of some bright orange liquid. With a mutter that Ritsuka didn't catch, she smeared some of the liquid on the map. It ran like mercury, refusing to soak in, until it pooled in one area and glowed dully.
"The Card is at Kensington Palace Gardens," said Olga Marie. "We've only got the one so far – it's very tricky to sift through all the magical signatures in London, so isolating the locations will take a while. But this is definitely a Class Card. Lev confirmed it for me." She smiled, and put the map away.
"Well, if you trust him, then I guess that's good enough for me," said Ritsuka. "I'm sure he's not actually as creepy as he looks."
Olga Marie frowned. "How dare you! Lev is from a very distinguished family. He is a dear friend and I'll thank you not to call him creepy. Now!" She drew herself up to her full height and engaged what Ritsuka thought of as 'aristocrat mode'. Like this, every minute of every century the Animusphere family had spent bossing others around was clear on their heiress' face.
It was usually followed by her making a fool of herself, in Ritsuka's experience, but it was very impressive while it lasted.
Olga Marie thrust a hand out dramatically, and Ritsuka and Mash stood to attention.
"Mash Kyrielight!" said Olga Marie. "Ritsuka Fujimaru! On your shoulders rests the future of my father's dream. You are charged with locating and sealing the first Card, and taking the first step on the road to making Chaldea a reality! Go forth, and know that the goodwill of the Animusphere family goes with you! Also, please don't die, it's very difficult to get good help," she finished, a little satisfied smile on her face.
Mash applauded politely.
Ritsuka wondered how long it would take for things to go wrong.
Well, they'd arrived at the location, and nothing had gone wrong yet. That was a start.
At Kensington Palace Gardens, one of the fields was given over to one of London's oldest archery clubs. It was a lovely well-kept lawn, with a bunch of straw targets set up at one end and an old-fashioned pavilion clubhouse at the other. During the summer, club members could use the field to practice, and then take themselves for a cup of Pimm's and lemonade. It was all very genteel, and so Ritsuka really should have expected that they wouldn't have been let in.
At this time in the evening, the gardens were locked behind tall gates and a very unsympathetic security guard.
Fortunately, breaking and entering was a time-honoured Magical Girl tradition.
It was night-time, and Ritsuka and Mash crouched in the bushes outside the gardens.
"You ready?" Ritsuka asked.
"Yes, senpai!"
"Let's go then. Lyrical, magical, set up!" Ritsuka went through his transformation sequence, but tried to do so as quietly as possible. This area was also home to some of the various embassies – Italy, Nepal, Russia, among others. The last thing Ritsuka needed was for some twitchy KGB agent thinking he was a particularly flamboyant terrorist, so he winced at every flash of light and whimsical ringing bell noises that usually accompanied his transformation into the noble, just and very not-bulletproof Kaleido Garnet.
Eventually it was all over, and he and Mash were dressed in their respective fetish suits. There were no angry shouts in Russian, so he was probably good. With one last look around for approaching police, they hopped over the wall.
That physical enhancement was one of the things that Ruby actually could handle by herself, along with a certain level of resilience and personal protection. It wasn't much, but for a moment Ritsuka allowed himself to revel in the feeling of being able to casually hop a ten-foot wall like it was nothing.
In the dark of the field, the stars were just about visible overhead, free from the worst of the light pollution that came from a city as huge and vibrant as London.
"Is this the spot?" he asked.
"Yes, Mister Fujimaru," said Sapphire. "Existence of Mirror World pocket, confirmed."
"Alright." Ritsuka took a couple of breaths. This was it. The first test of his ability. His duty as a Magical Boy. "Let's go, Mash."
"Yes, senpai! I'm looking forward to fighting together! I'm ready!"
"You watch my back, and I'll watch yours. Here we go!"
"Leave the attacking to me, senpai! We'll beat this thing in no time!"
Ritsuka had a horrible feeling about what was going on. He looked at Mash, and from the look of horrific embarrassment on her face, saw that she'd come to the same conclusion.
They stood in the gardens, in a perfect awkward silence.
"Maybe we should call the Director…" said Mash.
"Agreed."
"What do you mean, you can't get inside the Mirror World!?" shrieked Olga Marie down the phone.
"It's just like I said, boss," said Ritsuka sheepishly. "None of us actually know how to actually get at the Cards."
"But… I understand you and Mash, but what about those stick abominations? Isn't that basically the only thing they're good for?" The Director sounded on the verge of tears, and honestly Ritsuka couldn't blame her on this one.
"Hey, don't look at us," said Ruby. "We never actually performed the spell to access the Mirror World – last time we collected a set of Cards we had some more capable magi along for the ride."
"I hate you," said Olga Marie flatly. "You knew we were hunting Class Cards, you've known for weeks, and you never thought to mention that it was literally impossible to get to them?"
Ruby bristled. It was a very peculiar sight, watching a plastic child's wand draw itself up haughtily, but that was undeniably what was happening. "I thought you had it handled. Sorry for assuming you'd actually thought of how to deal with step one of the process. It's not my father's legacy on the line here."
"Hate. You." Olga Marie sighed. "Alright, Ritsuka and Mash, come back. I'll… write to Lord El-Melloi II and see if he can lend us some aid, I suppose."
Mash spoke, near tears herself. It was mostly the embarrassment of getting all geared up and realising they'd forgotten the most vital thing, though. "We're really sorry, Director…"
"It's… well, no, it's not fine. But it's not your fault, Mash. Don't you worry about it. I'm sure you would have done very well. We'll see what El-Melloi has to say… after he stops laughing at me… and we'll come back and do it perfectly, okay?"
"Okay…" Mash said, still looking miserable. Ritsuka patted her on the head, and hung up the phone.
He really should have expected this. The answer to 'how quickly could this go wrong' was, apparently, 'already'.
He hoped this wasn't a bad omen for this whole card-collecting gig.
In general, people are prepared to do what they usually do, and not a whole lot more. Whenever you try and do something new, that's when you run into problems. Things you didn't expect, things you thought you expected, but didn't, and things you never even expected you'd have to expect. It's a wonder anyone ever gets anything new done, and the entire world doesn't just run itself around its own little tracks forever until they die of sheer boredom.
Although I suppose you could make the case that that's exactly what happens to most people in the end.
You can, of course, try your best to cover all the angles. If you are particularly diligent and forward-looking, you can avoid most of the pitfalls and proceed, safe in the knowledge that when you do get blindsided, it'll be by something truly massive.
Gosh, what a gloomy way to start a chapter! Let's forget all about our inevitable descent into ennui and examine what happens when our glorious protagonist tries something new, in:
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Three – In which nothing at all burns down, we're told
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Three – In which nothing at all burns down, we're told
---
It wasn't really something that a lot of people thought about, but London was basically built on more London. Under the city that everyone lived in was a subterranean maze – cellars, tunnels, the web of the Underground, and old forgotten places that hadn't seen the sun in over a century.
According to Mash, below all of that was a sleeping dragon the size of a mountain, but Ritsuka wasn't sure if he believed that.
But there certainly was a lot of real estate that most people didn't realise was there. The Magus Association – of which Ritsuka supposed he was now technically a member – had used their old money and connections to buy up a lot of it. In dark and dingy holes all over London, magi had set up laboratories, workshops, cells…
… and training grounds.
Ritsuka stood in the middle of a plain room, lit by cheap fluorescent lamps, with not much in the way of furniture but with very thick walls indeed. On one of those walls, a target had been painted.
After a week of practice, including an hour today, Ritsuka had not quite managed to leave a mark on it.
But he was a Magical Boy now, and that meant he couldn't give up just because magic turned out to be a little harder than he'd thought. He'd had a long enough break, he thought. "Alright, Mash, Ruby," he said. "Let's go again!"
"You got it, Master!" Ruby floated up in front of him, and Ritsuka took hold of her haft and swiped her dramatically to one side.
"Magical, lyrical, transform! I am a hero of love, justice and also love! Kaleido Garnet, set up!"
(He didn't actually have to do this, but it did reduce the chances Ruby would 'forget' about his redesigned costume and stick him in the dress again.)
When the lightshow faded, Ritsuka struck his best Jojo's pose, and surreptitiously checked his costume out, breathing a sigh of relief when he recognised it as the one he'd come up with alongside Ruby a week ago.
Tight white trousers, a very poofy white shirt underneath a hot pink and burgundy waistcoat, and white gold boots and belt. The whole thing was tied together with a badass cape, white on the outside and deep pink on the inside. With Ruby in her wand form, Ritsuka suspected he looked more like a magical lyrical pimp than anything else, but he wasn't going to complain. He did look legitimately awesome.
Besides, Mash liked it. So that was that.
She gave Ritsuka a smile and a thumbs up from the other side of the room, which he returned.
"Sapphire," she said.
"Beginning transformation, Miss Mash. Kaleido Amethyst, set up," came the cool, calm voice of Mash's own Kaleidostick.
Mash's costume was a lot less flashy, and Sapphire hadn't seemed quite as determined to embarrass her wielder as Ruby was, but Ritsuka suspected the sticks weren't quite as different as they pretended.
But it wasn't his place to say anything so for now he just watched Mash's rather extended transformation sequence.
When it was finished, he kept looking.
"Senpai…" said Mash, shuffling in place with her cheeks on fire. "Stop staring so intently, it's embarrassing…"
Mash wasn't the only one who approved of her teammate's magical costume.
However, no matter how supportive his adorable flatmate was, it would mean nothing unless Ritsuka could master using Ruby enough to fight at her side.
"Okay, Mash," he said. "Could you please demonstrate one more time?"
"Yes, senpai!"
Mash flourished Sapphire, and a coruscating bolt of blue magic shot from the tip and slammed into the wall, scuffing the paint and knocking dust from the ceiling.
Ritsuka ruffled her hair. "You make it look so easy, you little paragon of justice, you. Maybe I should be calling you senpai, huh?"
Mash blushed. "Nonsense. I just started earlier, that's all. I'm sure with practice you'll be able to do much better!"
Ristuka couldn't help it. He ruffled Mash's hair again, making hear squeak in surprise. She didn't pull away, though.
She had a point. There was no use whining about it, all he could do was carry on practicing. And, it was true, he'd made progress. When he'd started, he'd had to rely on Ruby to do everything for him. It was enough to let him transform and pull off some simple tricks, but it wasn't how the Kaleidosticks were meant to be used and he'd never show his full power that way. Under Ruby and Mash's tutelage, he learned how to Magical Boy, and he had to admit he was getting better.
As he was now, he could feel the endless reserves of magic that Ruby connected him to – so close, and just out of reach. And they stayed just out of reach, allowing him only the barest trickle, a taste of power.
Ritsuka reached for the magic, the way Ruby had shown him. He raised Ruby ready to strike.
"HaaaaaaAAAAAAH!" he yelled, and swung Ruby like a bat. At the apex of his swing, he connected to the vast sea of magical energy, and felt his attack coalesce from nothing and fly like a bullet towards the target.
The pea-sized bolt of pink energy hit dead centre with a pathetic little plit noise. If there had been a spider there, it might have given it a headache. But there wasn't, so for all the good he'd done to the wall Ritsuka may as well have spend his morning in bed.
Mash, bless her, clapped and cheered. Ritsuka resisted the urge to sigh, and smiled weakly back at her. He let go of Ruby, and she 'poof'ed back into her circle form.
"Alright, I don't get it," he said. "What am I doing wrong?"
"Nothing," said Ruby. "You're doing just fine – if you weren't, nothing would have happened at all. The fact that you can produce a blast consistently is really good!"
"Well, it is pretty cool to be doing any magic at all," Ritsuka admitted. "But that's no good if I can't use it in combat! I want to help you, Mash – how come your magic is so much stronger than mine?"
"Um…" Mash fidgeted. "I guess it's to do with the differences in our magic circuits?"
"Magic circuits?"
"That's probably it," said Ruby. "Master, the simple answer to why your magic isn't strong is 'because you're not a mage'. The amount of magic you can channel is limited by your magic circuits. Mash has a lot, but you have barely any – it's not your fault, usually only magi have any at all. Your personality and contract compatibility are both amazing, but to be honest the fact we can squeeze any magic out of you at all is a miracle."
Hmm… well, that did sound better than him just being rubbish for no reason. If it was something he was born with, Ritsuka could live with that. But something still bothered him.
"I get that I can't do magic normally, but I thought that you solved that problem, Ruby?" he said. "You connect to infinite magic, don't you?"
"I do! But that doesn't mean you can channel infinite amounts at once." Ruby bobbed back and forth, as if unsure how to proceed. "Okay, forget all this magic circuit stuff, and think about this. There's a house on fire at the beach."
"That's a strange analogy."
"Analogy? Oh, yes, an analogy. And nothing more. Anyway. This house, it's right next to the sea, and it's, just, burning like two people getting on very well. Even the pool, which was quite hard to do."
Ritsuka exchanged a look with Mash. He didn't think Ruby had been out of his sight long enough to do anything truly heinous, but then she was a very, very cursed – sorry, magical – item.
"Ruby, you didn't really set a house on fire, did you-"
"Your job is to put out the fire, but all you have is a thimble," said Ruby, ignoring Mash's hurried question. "You have the entire sea to work with, but you can only actually use it a thimble at a time. Luckily, you can accomplish quite a lot by being efficient, but in the end it's a thimble."
"Right, yes, but just to check, there isn't actually a house burning down right now-"
"To answer your question, Mash would have a bucket, or maybe even a bathtub. She's actually quite adept at handling large amounts magical energy, even more than most magi. Ahh, Sapphire, you really lucked out there… but yes, Mash could put out that fire much quicker and easier than you could. And she probably should be the one to deal with it most of the time, because wow, that thing was really going."
Ritsuka exchanged another look with Mash, and made a mental note to let the Director know to keep an ear our for any coastal arson cases. Just in case she needed to pay someone off in a hurry.
For now, he had a problem to solve.
"So my problem isn't a lack of mana, it's in how much I can use in a given time… hmm. I wonder…"
He grabbed Ruby again, and ignored her obscene squeal of surprised glee. He pointed her at the target again, and connected to the infinitude of power once more. Once more, power flowed through him – but instead of firing it off, he gathered it into a ball at Ruby's tip. At first it was tiny, but every second more and more flowed into it. For long moments, he let it grow, feeling the rush of magical energy running through his body.
When it was the size of a baseball, he fired it off, and smiled when it slammed, with a satisfying crack, into the centre of the target. A little paint fell from the wall.
Mash clasped her hands in front of her, eyes sparkling. "Wow, senpai! That was so cool! You're improving so quickly… I knew you could do it!"
"That's good, because I didn't…" Ritsuka said, but Mash's mood was infectious. He cracked a smile. "It was pretty cool, right? I thought, if my only limit is on how much I can put in at once, all I have to do it keep a spell active for long enough to pack more power into it. And, well, charging spells always made them more powerful in videogames…"
"That's a protagonist for you!" said Ruby, as if she'd had anything to do with it. "It's a little slow, though, Master. It works well enough, but in combat you can't be standing around for ages while you build up your attacks! We'll need to practice. Wanna help, Mash? Sapphire?"
"Oh, you mean a spar?" Mash fidgeted. "Um, I'm not sure that'd be a good idea. I've only ever fought once before, and I'd hate it if I hurt senpai by accident. Sorry, senpai."
Ritsuka quickly held his hands up in surrender. "Hey, I'm totally okay with that. I'll still need to practise a lot before I can even think about using charged spells in combat. There's no way I can take on someone who managed to defeat a hero Card."
He looked Mash up and down. It was hard to think of her as anything other than the friend he'd gotten to know so well – sweet, kind, innocent, and totally unsuited to dealing with the world beyond what she knew. And yet, she must have been a little more resilient than he'd thought, if she managed to get the best of a hero from myth and legend all by herself.
"What was that like, anyway?" he asked. "Fighting the Shielder Card, I mean. Where did you even find it? How powerful was it? Wait, which hero was it anyway?"
Mash giggled. "We actually don't know. Whoever it was, they didn't give any clues during the fight, and they don't seem to want to do much of anything now. The fight…" she sighed, and her eyes took on a faraway look. "It was actually part of Lord Zelretch's proposal to the Director. He brought both of us in, showed us the Shielder Card, and then shoved Sapphire into my hands and stepped back. Shielder never went at us full-force, I think, but even so it was very fast and strong, and would try to bash us with its shield. It could crush the concrete beneath us, so I knew I had to stay away.
"Sapphire knew what to do, pretty much, and somehow I managed to keep out of its way long enough to figure out how to walk on air. It got a lot easier then, and I just kept on hitting it with bigger and bigger magic blasts. Nothing really worked, but eventually it just… gave up, I guess?"
She smiled, and stroked Sapphire with her thumb absently. "We managed to seal it somehow, and then Lord Zelretch said if we found and sealed the rest of the Cards he'd fund us. We could hardly refuse now that I'd contracted with Sapphire, and now that we'd seen that we actually could deal with the Cards."
"And the rest is history," Ritsuka finished.
It seemed like kind of a dick move on the Wizard Marshal's part, but then Ritsuka wasn't in charge of an academy full of arrogant wizards all trying to get their slice of the pie. Maybe sometimes you had to be a bit ruthless to get things done to preserve the pie, and this meant slapping the fingers of those who tried to stick their fingers in that pie while it was too hot to touch.
(In this metaphor, the pie represented ultimate enlightenment and understanding, or possibly just the ability to big-dick your way into magically doing whatever you wanted for the rest your life, Ritsuka wasn't certain on that point and the Director had been a bit evasive on the subject.)
Still. He was glad he was here to help out. Even if it was just a little, making Mash fight all alone just didn't seem right.
On the other hand, he was pretty sure she was having the exact same thoughts about him, which made him even more determined to help her out so as not to make her worry. Just one big feedback loop of camaraderie. She met his eyes, and smiled shyly.
The moment stretched on.
"Good afternoon, you two," came the Director's voice, interrupting the moment quite nicely. "Come up to the office when you're finished with what you're doing. And this time, remember to change out of those fetish outfits those bastard sticks put you in, for God's sake!"
Ritsuka and Mash hastily looked away from each other, and made their way up through the underground world of London's secrets into the light.
---
When they got to the Director's office, Ritsuka was surprised to find someone already there on the way out.
A tall man in a green suit and very fluffy hair tipped his top hat to Ritsuka and Mash, before proceeding on his way with an unsettling smirk.
Ritsuka leaned in to Mash. "Who was that?" he whispered.
"That was Professor Lainur," said Mash. "He worked with Chaldea for a bit. He developed the SHEBA Near-Future Observation Lens, I know that. He was always very kind, to me and to the Director."
"Huh. OK." He'd looked like a supervillain to Ritsuka, but then he wasn't really up on magus fashion.
They went in, to find Olga Marie in a better mood than Ritsuka had ever seen her. She favoured them with a friendly smile as they entered, which for the Director was basically the same as jumping up and down with glee.
"Good afternoon, you two! I hope training went well, because it's time for your first field test!"
"Oh, that's wonderful, Director!" said Mash. "We managed to find a Card?"
Olga Marie preened, and twirled one lock of hair around her finger. "Yes… Lev – ahem, or Professor Lainur, I should say – was kind enough to offer his expertise with scrying and observation spells, and using that and the leyline map that Lord El-Melloi II finally sent over a few weeks ago, we were able to get a lock on the first Card's position."
From one of the drawers of her desk, she brought out an ancient-looking map and a vial of some bright orange liquid. With a mutter that Ritsuka didn't catch, she smeared some of the liquid on the map. It ran like mercury, refusing to soak in, until it pooled in one area and glowed dully.
"The Card is at Kensington Palace Gardens," said Olga Marie. "We've only got the one so far – it's very tricky to sift through all the magical signatures in London, so isolating the locations will take a while. But this is definitely a Class Card. Lev confirmed it for me." She smiled, and put the map away.
"Well, if you trust him, then I guess that's good enough for me," said Ritsuka. "I'm sure he's not actually as creepy as he looks."
Olga Marie frowned. "How dare you! Lev is from a very distinguished family. He is a dear friend and I'll thank you not to call him creepy. Now!" She drew herself up to her full height and engaged what Ritsuka thought of as 'aristocrat mode'. Like this, every minute of every century the Animusphere family had spent bossing others around was clear on their heiress' face.
It was usually followed by her making a fool of herself, in Ritsuka's experience, but it was very impressive while it lasted.
Olga Marie thrust a hand out dramatically, and Ritsuka and Mash stood to attention.
"Mash Kyrielight!" said Olga Marie. "Ritsuka Fujimaru! On your shoulders rests the future of my father's dream. You are charged with locating and sealing the first Card, and taking the first step on the road to making Chaldea a reality! Go forth, and know that the goodwill of the Animusphere family goes with you! Also, please don't die, it's very difficult to get good help," she finished, a little satisfied smile on her face.
Mash applauded politely.
Ritsuka wondered how long it would take for things to go wrong.
---
Well, they'd arrived at the location, and nothing had gone wrong yet. That was a start.
At Kensington Palace Gardens, one of the fields was given over to one of London's oldest archery clubs. It was a lovely well-kept lawn, with a bunch of straw targets set up at one end and an old-fashioned pavilion clubhouse at the other. During the summer, club members could use the field to practice, and then take themselves for a cup of Pimm's and lemonade. It was all very genteel, and so Ritsuka really should have expected that they wouldn't have been let in.
At this time in the evening, the gardens were locked behind tall gates and a very unsympathetic security guard.
Fortunately, breaking and entering was a time-honoured Magical Girl tradition.
It was night-time, and Ritsuka and Mash crouched in the bushes outside the gardens.
"You ready?" Ritsuka asked.
"Yes, senpai!"
"Let's go then. Lyrical, magical, set up!" Ritsuka went through his transformation sequence, but tried to do so as quietly as possible. This area was also home to some of the various embassies – Italy, Nepal, Russia, among others. The last thing Ritsuka needed was for some twitchy KGB agent thinking he was a particularly flamboyant terrorist, so he winced at every flash of light and whimsical ringing bell noises that usually accompanied his transformation into the noble, just and very not-bulletproof Kaleido Garnet.
Eventually it was all over, and he and Mash were dressed in their respective fetish suits. There were no angry shouts in Russian, so he was probably good. With one last look around for approaching police, they hopped over the wall.
That physical enhancement was one of the things that Ruby actually could handle by herself, along with a certain level of resilience and personal protection. It wasn't much, but for a moment Ritsuka allowed himself to revel in the feeling of being able to casually hop a ten-foot wall like it was nothing.
In the dark of the field, the stars were just about visible overhead, free from the worst of the light pollution that came from a city as huge and vibrant as London.
"Is this the spot?" he asked.
"Yes, Mister Fujimaru," said Sapphire. "Existence of Mirror World pocket, confirmed."
"Alright." Ritsuka took a couple of breaths. This was it. The first test of his ability. His duty as a Magical Boy. "Let's go, Mash."
"Yes, senpai! I'm looking forward to fighting together! I'm ready!"
"You watch my back, and I'll watch yours. Here we go!"
"Leave the attacking to me, senpai! We'll beat this thing in no time!"
Ritsuka had a horrible feeling about what was going on. He looked at Mash, and from the look of horrific embarrassment on her face, saw that she'd come to the same conclusion.
They stood in the gardens, in a perfect awkward silence.
"Maybe we should call the Director…" said Mash.
"Agreed."
---
"What do you mean, you can't get inside the Mirror World!?" shrieked Olga Marie down the phone.
"It's just like I said, boss," said Ritsuka sheepishly. "None of us actually know how to actually get at the Cards."
"But… I understand you and Mash, but what about those stick abominations? Isn't that basically the only thing they're good for?" The Director sounded on the verge of tears, and honestly Ritsuka couldn't blame her on this one.
"Hey, don't look at us," said Ruby. "We never actually performed the spell to access the Mirror World – last time we collected a set of Cards we had some more capable magi along for the ride."
"I hate you," said Olga Marie flatly. "You knew we were hunting Class Cards, you've known for weeks, and you never thought to mention that it was literally impossible to get to them?"
Ruby bristled. It was a very peculiar sight, watching a plastic child's wand draw itself up haughtily, but that was undeniably what was happening. "I thought you had it handled. Sorry for assuming you'd actually thought of how to deal with step one of the process. It's not my father's legacy on the line here."
"Hate. You." Olga Marie sighed. "Alright, Ritsuka and Mash, come back. I'll… write to Lord El-Melloi II and see if he can lend us some aid, I suppose."
Mash spoke, near tears herself. It was mostly the embarrassment of getting all geared up and realising they'd forgotten the most vital thing, though. "We're really sorry, Director…"
"It's… well, no, it's not fine. But it's not your fault, Mash. Don't you worry about it. I'm sure you would have done very well. We'll see what El-Melloi has to say… after he stops laughing at me… and we'll come back and do it perfectly, okay?"
"Okay…" Mash said, still looking miserable. Ritsuka patted her on the head, and hung up the phone.
He really should have expected this. The answer to 'how quickly could this go wrong' was, apparently, 'already'.
He hoped this wasn't a bad omen for this whole card-collecting gig.
Chapter 4 - In which old friends have a wonderful and touching reunion
- Location
- Probably at sea
Of course, things going worse than expected isn't the only thing that can throw your plans off-course. Sometimes they go better than expected – which can almost be worse.
But how can that be, I hear you cry? Well, stop crying and I'll tell you.
Failure is just a part of life, and as such people tend to have an idea of what might go wrong. Even those blithe sorts who traipse their way through life could at least tell you what things going wrong would look like, even if they never think it would happen to them.
But things going way, way too right? The kind of massive success that actually loops right back around and starts interfering with whatever else you had going on? That doesn't happen very often, because usually it's hard enough just getting things to go even slightly how you want them to – and that means that most people don't even take it into account as a possibility. And you won't have prepared anything at all for when it happens.
Fortunately, the world being what it is, this is unlikely to come up very often. But it's worth stressing – planning for success is almost as important as planning for failure.
Now, Ritsuka doesn't know this. Give the kid a break, he's only sixteen, and he can't hear this bit – this is the narration part of the chapter, and not, like, his internal monologue or anything. It's such a shame, too, because he's about to succeed so hard and a lot of trouble could be avoided if he'd gotten a little less lucky.
Oh, well. Blame Merlin, is my advice. What's that fluffy-haired bastard going to do about it, after all?
"Okay. Tell me the plan." Olga Marie steepled her fingers on her desk.
It was the night after their false start, and this time the Director had decided to call her agents in to her office before sending them on their way. No-one wanted a repeat performance. Ritsuka still got paid no matter what, so he supposed he should be grateful, but it was just a bit embarrassing.
Ruby had been sniggering all day. Ritsuka didn't want to ask.
"The… plan?" he said. He exchanged a glance with Mash, who looked as lost as he was. "We were going to meet up with the magus that the Wizard Marshal sent at the Card, and get them to let us in to the Mirror World. Other than that, everything's the same, right?"
Olga Marie sighed, and looked at them pleadingly. "I don't mean that. I'm talking about your plan? Your plan of attack, to defeat the Card in battle? This is one of the greatest warriors in all of history we're dealing with here. 'Run in and smash it somehow' isn't going to cut it."
Ritsuka, who had just been about to suggest running in and smashing the card somehow, closed his mouth.
The Director of Chaldea, humanity's only hope against unknown timeline-based threats, leaned forwards and massaged her head with her hands.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you kids, I really don't…"
"We'll be fine, Director," said Mash, raising her fist with a pluckily determined expression. "We managed to defeat the Shielder Card, didn't we?"
"You did. I was there. It was horrifying. I'm… at least eighty percent sure Shielder just gave up out of pity and allowed himself to be sealed." Olga Marie's eyes acquired a haunted look, before she shook her head to clear it. "Anyway. That's as good an excuse as any to bring this up." She opened her desk drawer and brought out the Shielder card.
Mash gasped. "You finally got permission for us to use Includes?"
"Yes!" Olga Marie smiled. "Seems like putting through our request for Lord Zelretch's help yesterday loosened something up in the bureaucratic machine. As of 12 noon, you two were allowed to make use of the Class Cards, for Includes only, for the purposes of retrieving the Class Cards only. It's not much, but it'll help keep you a lot safer."
Mash leaned across and took the offered Card in both hands. "No, this is wonderful! Being able to use the Cards will make a big difference."
Ritsuka nodded. "That's so awesome! Thank you so much for letting us use Includes, Director. I'm sure it will be incredibly useful in, just, so many ways. You're the best, and, personally, my respect for you has reached new heights. Includes, that's exactly what we needed, definitely." He gave his boss a thumbs up and smiled brightly.
Olga Marie preened. "Well, of course- wait." She looked at him suspiciously. "You don't even know what Includes are, do you?"
"Pfff, whaaat? Of course I know what Includes are. I'm not just saying that because I'd look silly otherwise."
"Senpai!"
"… I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not anymore," said Olga Marie. "No, I suppose this is my fault for not taking your inexperience into account. I apologise, Ritsuka. This does concern you, and I was wrong to not give you the information."
"Eh, no worries," Ritsuka said.
"Thank you for your understanding. Now, Includes are a way to use the Kaleidosticks-"
"Oh, sorry, I should clarify," Ritsuka said. "I actually wasn't kidding. Ruby filled me in on Includes on, like, the second day. Includes? Completed it, mate. A way to use part of the Heroic Spirit's power through the Kaleidosticks, by accessing the stored copy in the Card and transforming it into the Noble Phantasm associated with that spirit. I am all over Includes." He winked and pointed a pair of finger guns at Olga Marie.
Ritsuka was still figuring out which approach to take with his boss. It was his first job! Office politics wasn't his strong suit. But he was always sincere when it came to the job.
Olga Marie blinked, twice. Her mouth opened. Her mouth closed.
"Just… go and get the damn card," she said.
"Yes, ma'am!"
When Ritsuka and Mash arrived once more at the Kensington Palace Gardens, they didn't have to search long before finding the magus sent to help them.
Outside the gate, arms folded against the evening chill, was a dark-haired woman in a long red coat. As she was briefly illuminated by the light from a passing car, Ritsuka noticed with some surprise that she was Japanese.
While it wasn't exactly uncommon to see someone from the home country in a city as big and tourist-friendly as London, this would be the first from the Magus Association. Most people in the Clock Tower seemed to regard Ritsuka as something of an anomaly.
Out in the streets, of course, he was just another face in the crowd. With Ruby tucked away in his bag, he could have been anyone.
As they approached, the woman checked a pocket watch, and folded it away with a stern frown.
"Hi!" Ritsuka said with a friendly smile. "We're not late, are we?"
"Sadly not," said the woman. "If you had been, I'd have gone home and saved myself the trouble. I do have other things to do than babysit a couple of kids, you know."
That was understandable, Ritsuka thought. And it was ultimately their fault they had to rely on her, so he couldn't really fault this Magus for being grumpy. He exchanged a look with Mash, and without a word they decided he was better suited for dealing with her.
"Well, we're grateful for your help," he said diplomatically. "I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, and this is Mash Kyrielight. We work under Director Olga Marie Animusphere as part of the Chaldea Security Organisation."
Put like that, it sounded very impressive. It was much better than 'two teens, two children's wands, and the saddest Magus in all of London'.
"Rin Tohsaka," she said shortly. "I've been briefed on your situation… emphasis on the brief. You need a spell to get through to the Mirror World, right? You're going after the Class Cards, of all things. Boy, does that take me back."
Ritsuka leaned forward eagerly. "You've dealt with these Cards before?" This was awesome! For all that Mash had told him about her battle with Shielder, he still didn't really know what to expect.
Tohsaka waggled her hand in a 'kind-of' gesture. "Not exactly. In my case, it was familiars based off Heroic Spirits rather than self-manifested entities based on the Cards, but I imagine the difference doesn't mean all that much when a legendary warrior is trying to kill you."
"Any advice?"
"Sure." Tohsaka quirked her lips, amused. "Go home, kid. I was sent here to help you access the Mirror World, but looking at you now, I'm not sure if I should."
Ritsuka deflated. "Why's that?"
"Because you're way too young and way too happy-go-lucky to be getting involved with Heroic Spirits," Tohsaka said flatly. "Trust me on this, because I know what I'm talking about here." She sighed, and stuffed her hands in her pockets, clearly uncomfortable. "I've had the misfortune of seeing what they can do close up. I was a couple of years older than you are now, and I wasn't ready. Frankly, I still wouldn't be, and in the twelve years since I have seen some shit, believe you me. I don't know quite how these Cards compare to the real deal, but if it's anything like what I experienced then sending two kids in just isn't going to cut it."
Mash piped up, shyly. "Please, Ms Tohsaka. We have to try. We managed to defeat one Card already."
"'Ms', is it…" Ms Tohsaka shook her head. "And forgive me for saying so, but I find that hard to believe. If you two were Enforcers, maybe, but unless I'm really overestimating the Class Cards, they should be impossible for a normal magus to deal with unless you have some kind of overpowered trump card."
Ritsuka grinned, and unslung his bag. "Oh, well, if that's all you're worried about, then we totally have one of those." He undid the clips and stepped back.
Rin's expression was wary, like someone waiting for the punchline of a joke and beginning to suspect it may be on them. "And what might that be?"
There was an explosion of pink sparkles and confetti from Ritsuka's bag as Magical Ruby burst forth with all her usual subtlety. "Hi, Rin! Remember me?"
Rin Tohsaka, the elegant head of the Tohsaka family and self-described seer of shit, shrieked like a schoolgirl and crouched down, covering her head with her hands. "No no no get away you horrible thing!"
"Aw, but Rin, aren't we old buddies? Didn't we have so much fun back when you were little? And again when you were eighteen? And again when you were twenty-four?" Ruby cackled nastily, and circled Rin's head like a shark. "You're the gift that keeps on giving! I'm never going to be out of your life completely."
Tohsaka whimpered. "What do you want?"
"Why, I heard you were in town, and since you and I get on so well…" Ruby sniggered, "I wanted to introduce you to my sister."
Sapphire rose from Mash's bag, and joined Ruby's orbit around Rin's head. "Good evening, Miss Tohsaka. I am Magical Sapphire. I have heard so much about you from Ruby. Please treat me kindly. I have every expectation I will grow just as close to you as my sister has."
Tohsaka made a strangled noise of terror. Ritsuka reflected that, although Sapphire was certainly the more polite Kaleidostick, she wasn't actually all that much nicer than Ruby was. He shook his head. This was wasting time. He exchanged a look with Mash, and they decided he would be the one to take charge here.
"Okay, you can stop teasing her now," he said, clapping his hands.
"Who said I was just-" Ruby broke off at a severe look from Ritsuka. "Uh, right. Teasing. Sorry, Master." She floated over to hover over Ritsuka's shoulder, while Sapphire joined Mash. Tohsaka relaxed ever so slightly, peeking out from under her hands.
"So, um, yeah," Ritsuka said, rubbing the back of his head. "We're going to use the Kaleidosticks to fight the Card. I know it's not going to be as easy as that, but it's not like we're going in with nothing here. So, how about it? Can you help us?"
"Uuu…" Tohsaka whined. Seeing that the sticks showed no sign of attacking, she slowly stood up. "I guess I have no choice… but if you've got the Kaleidosticks, why do you even need me? The blasted things may be an affront to common decency, but they're purpose-built for performing materialisations of the Second Magic – they should be more than capable of accessing the Mirror World by themselves."
In the distance, sirens sounded. This wasn't really unusual for London, of course, but in the silence that followed Tohsaka's statement it sounded a lot louder than usual.
"Sapphire, why?" asked Mash, in the tremulous tones of a disappointed primary school teacher who has just discovered a child playing catch with the school hamster, again.
"It was all Ruby's idea," said Sapphire immediately. "As the younger sister, I'm highly influenced by her actions."
Ritsuka looked at Ruby steadily.
You wouldn't have thought it was possible for a wand to look sheepish, but it did.
"Ehehe… I was just so excited to get the chance to see Rin again?" she tried, shuffling from side to side in mid-air and squirming uncomfortably. Tohsaka took half a step back, apparently without thinking about it.
Ritsuka sighed. Being the only adult around was hard. He did his best to channel his 'disappointed dad' voice, from all the times his father had caught him with yet another girl Ritsuka hadn't properly rejected yet following him around.
"Okay. Ruby, I'm very disappointed in you, and I'm sure I speak for Mash when I say I'm sure she feels the same, Sapphire. I've always believed in you, and frankly I think less of you for doing this. We're trying to save the Chaldea Project here, and you've decided to mess around. It's not on. You've let me down, you've let Mash down, and most of all you've let yourselves down."
"…I'm actually feeling guilty," said Ruby to Sapphire in an incredulous whisper. "That's never happened before. How is he this good? Sapphire, I don't like this. This is really, really bad…"
"Hush, sister. We are bad, bad children and Master Ritsuka is right to punish us."
Ritsuka pretended he hadn't heard, which was probably the right move all things considered. "However, we do still have a job to do. If you are very good, and are actively helpful against the Card, I might leave this… misunderstanding out of our report to the Director."
Ruby bristled. "Bah, that old hag? What's she going to do? She already knows a Thames Time-Out only makes us get creative- ow, Sapphire!"
"Thank you, Mr Fujimaru," interrupted Sapphire, having collided with her sister in a totally accidental way. "We would be very grateful. May I say at this point how much Mash and I respect your abilities as a leader? We are very impressed. Let us proceed and say nothing about this to the Director, who has a line to Master Zelretch and no reason to treat us kindly."
RItuska turned to Tohsaka. "Well, there you have it. They're willing to behave, for now – could you please not mention this to Zelretch when you finish up? In their own way, they were just being friendly."
He looked sternly at Ruby. Ruby grumbled and floated a little unsteadily back up to head height, but said nothing.
Tohsaka folded her arms, and quirked an eyebrow. "You do seem to have them in hand… as much as anyone can, I suppose. Alright. I'll let this slide… on one condition."
"What's that?"
"I want to watch." Tohsaka gestured around at the empty gardens. "As far as I can tell – from the ten minutes of research I was able to do given the notice I had for this job, thanks Zelretch – the Cards tend to appear in meaningful locations if possible. That's an archery range on that field, which means you're possibly up against the Archer Card… although I suppose you already knew that much."
"Yes. Haha, of course. Definitely knew that," said Ritsuka, who sometimes scared himself with how good a liar he was.
"If it's the Archer Card, then I want to be along for the ride. Don't ask why, because it's personal and it doesn't really matter. Just… I want to see how this all ends." Tohsaka stared them down.
Ritsuka shrugged. If another experienced magus wanted to be on hand to help, he certainly wasn't going to object.
"Well, that's everything. Let's go, Mash."
"Yes, Senpai!"
Two impossibly embarrassing transformation sequences later, Ritsuka and Mash stood blushing in front of a Tohsaka visibly trying to restrain laughter. Mash squirmed, and retrieved the Shielder Card from her bag while trying not to expose herself more than necessary, then touched it to Sapphire's wand form.
"Class Card Shielder, Include!"
Sapphire glowed, then seemed to become light, spreading and changing form. When it stopped, Mash held an enormous cross-shaped shield, which she hefted and planted in the ground.
Ritsuka whistled. "Wow, well done, Mash! Isn't that heavy?"
"Maybe a little bit?" Mash said. She waved it around experimentally. "Um, it seems quite light, actually. Sapphire, is this really OK?"
"Alright." Ritsuka took a deep breath. "When we get in to where the Card's hiding, you try and draw its attention, and make sure it's busy attacking that shield. I'll be charging up attacks, and try and wear it down. Ms Tohsaka, please stay behind Mash as much as possible. It would be very embarrassing if we had to return you to the Wizard Marshal in pieces." He smiled winningly at Tohsaka, who snorted and waved him off.
"Oh, I'll be fine, Kaleido Garnet. Go on, get in there already."
"Alright. Ruby, I'm counting on you here."
"No worries, Master!" A ring of light expanded out from under Ritsuka's feet. "Preparing Mirror World Inversion!"
Ritsuka steeled himself for the fight of his life. This was it. All his training, all his preparation, every both of the plans he'd come with, was leading up to this. It would be a test of his mental, physical and magical resilience. But, with hard work, and trust in his friends, he would prevail.
Because he was sure that whoever this hero was, they wouldn't be going down easily.
"What's a 'Stella'?"
"Okay. Tell me what happened." Olga Marie steepled her fingers on the desk.
See, because that was what had happened at the start of the night? It was like symmetry or something. Really, the only differences between now and then were that it was now the middle of the night, and that Ritsuka and Mash were covered in scuffs and bruises and had shellshocked expressions on their faces.
And also, the slightly singed Archer Card that lay on the Director's desk.
"Well, the good news is that we did manage to retrieve the Card," started Ritsuka. "That's the important thing, and I think I should stress that we did manage to achieve our main objective."
Olga Marie blinked. "Well, of course. I couldn't be more pleased. Ms Tohsaka's preliminary report also speaks glowingly of your efforts. 'Nothing more I can do for them – please do not bother to call me again', I think it went. It's lucky we found one of the Knight Classes this early, since we can pair offence and defence with the Shielder Card. Now, anything you can tell us about the fight will be invaluable information, particularly in how to use Archer's power as an Include."
Ritsuka cringed, and visions of a blinding light flashed behind his eyes. "About that…"
"What?" said Olga Marie. "This is the greatest advantage to using the Kaleidosticks to collect the Class Cards – that as you defeat more and more, you can borrow the power of the Heroic Spirits to use for yourself. You've done a good job so far, but eventually you'll need to unlock the Class Cards' full power- why are you looking like that?"
Mash stepped forward. "Um, Director, the thing is, we actually saw Archer's Noble Phantasm. Shielder's power was able to protect us, but… the thing is…"
"Archer's Noble Phantasm is a self-destruct button," Ruby said bluntly. "I'm not turning myself into that!"
"You would not be a great loss," hissed Olga Marie, but she quickly turned somber. "A… self-destruct, you say?"
Ristuka nodded. "With an emphasis on the 'destruct'."
"You're sure it was his Noble Phantasm?" said Olga Marie, slightly desperately. "I've heard of these things called Broken Phantasms… or maybe he's got some self-resurrection ability to go with it?" Hey eyes pleaded with Ritsuka to agree, to say it was a mistake and they hadn't just gone through all this crap for nothing.
Ritsuka closed his eyes and remembered Archer's smile as he was annihilated by the light of his ultimate attack, and the card fluttering to the ground as the Mirror World collapsed. "I'm pretty sure that was the whole thing. Sorry, Director."
Olga Marie leaned forward on the desk and kneaded her head in her hands. "So you're telling me that, of the two Cards we've collected, one is a purely defensive Phantasm, and the other kills the user whenever it's activated?"
"It's okay, Director," said Mash, going over to gently pat Olga Marie on the head. "We can still use Shielder, and Ritsuka is really getting much better at using Ruby despite having terrible circuits! Even if the Archer Card is totally useless, we're no worse than we were off before going through this ordeal! The other Cards won't be so kind as to take themselves out of the picture, and we didn't really get any better at fighting, but I'm sure we'll do just as well against those! Even if the Archer Card is totally useless!"
Olga Marie's head went down on her desk.
Mash meant well, and didn't have a mean bone in her body. It was one of the things Ritsuka loved about his flatmate. But he never, ever wanted her to try to cheer him up.
"We'll just… be going now, Director," he said, taking hold of Mash's hand to pull her away from Olga Marie before she tried to help any more.
"Thank you…"
But how can that be, I hear you cry? Well, stop crying and I'll tell you.
Failure is just a part of life, and as such people tend to have an idea of what might go wrong. Even those blithe sorts who traipse their way through life could at least tell you what things going wrong would look like, even if they never think it would happen to them.
But things going way, way too right? The kind of massive success that actually loops right back around and starts interfering with whatever else you had going on? That doesn't happen very often, because usually it's hard enough just getting things to go even slightly how you want them to – and that means that most people don't even take it into account as a possibility. And you won't have prepared anything at all for when it happens.
Fortunately, the world being what it is, this is unlikely to come up very often. But it's worth stressing – planning for success is almost as important as planning for failure.
Now, Ritsuka doesn't know this. Give the kid a break, he's only sixteen, and he can't hear this bit – this is the narration part of the chapter, and not, like, his internal monologue or anything. It's such a shame, too, because he's about to succeed so hard and a lot of trouble could be avoided if he'd gotten a little less lucky.
Oh, well. Blame Merlin, is my advice. What's that fluffy-haired bastard going to do about it, after all?
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Four – In which old friends have a wonderful and touching reunion
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Four – In which old friends have a wonderful and touching reunion
---
"Okay. Tell me the plan." Olga Marie steepled her fingers on her desk.
It was the night after their false start, and this time the Director had decided to call her agents in to her office before sending them on their way. No-one wanted a repeat performance. Ritsuka still got paid no matter what, so he supposed he should be grateful, but it was just a bit embarrassing.
Ruby had been sniggering all day. Ritsuka didn't want to ask.
"The… plan?" he said. He exchanged a glance with Mash, who looked as lost as he was. "We were going to meet up with the magus that the Wizard Marshal sent at the Card, and get them to let us in to the Mirror World. Other than that, everything's the same, right?"
Olga Marie sighed, and looked at them pleadingly. "I don't mean that. I'm talking about your plan? Your plan of attack, to defeat the Card in battle? This is one of the greatest warriors in all of history we're dealing with here. 'Run in and smash it somehow' isn't going to cut it."
Ritsuka, who had just been about to suggest running in and smashing the card somehow, closed his mouth.
The Director of Chaldea, humanity's only hope against unknown timeline-based threats, leaned forwards and massaged her head with her hands.
"I don't know what I'm going to do with you kids, I really don't…"
"We'll be fine, Director," said Mash, raising her fist with a pluckily determined expression. "We managed to defeat the Shielder Card, didn't we?"
"You did. I was there. It was horrifying. I'm… at least eighty percent sure Shielder just gave up out of pity and allowed himself to be sealed." Olga Marie's eyes acquired a haunted look, before she shook her head to clear it. "Anyway. That's as good an excuse as any to bring this up." She opened her desk drawer and brought out the Shielder card.
Mash gasped. "You finally got permission for us to use Includes?"
"Yes!" Olga Marie smiled. "Seems like putting through our request for Lord Zelretch's help yesterday loosened something up in the bureaucratic machine. As of 12 noon, you two were allowed to make use of the Class Cards, for Includes only, for the purposes of retrieving the Class Cards only. It's not much, but it'll help keep you a lot safer."
Mash leaned across and took the offered Card in both hands. "No, this is wonderful! Being able to use the Cards will make a big difference."
Ritsuka nodded. "That's so awesome! Thank you so much for letting us use Includes, Director. I'm sure it will be incredibly useful in, just, so many ways. You're the best, and, personally, my respect for you has reached new heights. Includes, that's exactly what we needed, definitely." He gave his boss a thumbs up and smiled brightly.
Olga Marie preened. "Well, of course- wait." She looked at him suspiciously. "You don't even know what Includes are, do you?"
"Pfff, whaaat? Of course I know what Includes are. I'm not just saying that because I'd look silly otherwise."
"Senpai!"
"… I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not anymore," said Olga Marie. "No, I suppose this is my fault for not taking your inexperience into account. I apologise, Ritsuka. This does concern you, and I was wrong to not give you the information."
"Eh, no worries," Ritsuka said.
"Thank you for your understanding. Now, Includes are a way to use the Kaleidosticks-"
"Oh, sorry, I should clarify," Ritsuka said. "I actually wasn't kidding. Ruby filled me in on Includes on, like, the second day. Includes? Completed it, mate. A way to use part of the Heroic Spirit's power through the Kaleidosticks, by accessing the stored copy in the Card and transforming it into the Noble Phantasm associated with that spirit. I am all over Includes." He winked and pointed a pair of finger guns at Olga Marie.
Ritsuka was still figuring out which approach to take with his boss. It was his first job! Office politics wasn't his strong suit. But he was always sincere when it came to the job.
Olga Marie blinked, twice. Her mouth opened. Her mouth closed.
"Just… go and get the damn card," she said.
"Yes, ma'am!"
---
When Ritsuka and Mash arrived once more at the Kensington Palace Gardens, they didn't have to search long before finding the magus sent to help them.
Outside the gate, arms folded against the evening chill, was a dark-haired woman in a long red coat. As she was briefly illuminated by the light from a passing car, Ritsuka noticed with some surprise that she was Japanese.
While it wasn't exactly uncommon to see someone from the home country in a city as big and tourist-friendly as London, this would be the first from the Magus Association. Most people in the Clock Tower seemed to regard Ritsuka as something of an anomaly.
Out in the streets, of course, he was just another face in the crowd. With Ruby tucked away in his bag, he could have been anyone.
As they approached, the woman checked a pocket watch, and folded it away with a stern frown.
"Hi!" Ritsuka said with a friendly smile. "We're not late, are we?"
"Sadly not," said the woman. "If you had been, I'd have gone home and saved myself the trouble. I do have other things to do than babysit a couple of kids, you know."
That was understandable, Ritsuka thought. And it was ultimately their fault they had to rely on her, so he couldn't really fault this Magus for being grumpy. He exchanged a look with Mash, and without a word they decided he was better suited for dealing with her.
"Well, we're grateful for your help," he said diplomatically. "I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, and this is Mash Kyrielight. We work under Director Olga Marie Animusphere as part of the Chaldea Security Organisation."
Put like that, it sounded very impressive. It was much better than 'two teens, two children's wands, and the saddest Magus in all of London'.
"Rin Tohsaka," she said shortly. "I've been briefed on your situation… emphasis on the brief. You need a spell to get through to the Mirror World, right? You're going after the Class Cards, of all things. Boy, does that take me back."
Ritsuka leaned forward eagerly. "You've dealt with these Cards before?" This was awesome! For all that Mash had told him about her battle with Shielder, he still didn't really know what to expect.
Tohsaka waggled her hand in a 'kind-of' gesture. "Not exactly. In my case, it was familiars based off Heroic Spirits rather than self-manifested entities based on the Cards, but I imagine the difference doesn't mean all that much when a legendary warrior is trying to kill you."
"Any advice?"
"Sure." Tohsaka quirked her lips, amused. "Go home, kid. I was sent here to help you access the Mirror World, but looking at you now, I'm not sure if I should."
Ritsuka deflated. "Why's that?"
"Because you're way too young and way too happy-go-lucky to be getting involved with Heroic Spirits," Tohsaka said flatly. "Trust me on this, because I know what I'm talking about here." She sighed, and stuffed her hands in her pockets, clearly uncomfortable. "I've had the misfortune of seeing what they can do close up. I was a couple of years older than you are now, and I wasn't ready. Frankly, I still wouldn't be, and in the twelve years since I have seen some shit, believe you me. I don't know quite how these Cards compare to the real deal, but if it's anything like what I experienced then sending two kids in just isn't going to cut it."
Mash piped up, shyly. "Please, Ms Tohsaka. We have to try. We managed to defeat one Card already."
"'Ms', is it…" Ms Tohsaka shook her head. "And forgive me for saying so, but I find that hard to believe. If you two were Enforcers, maybe, but unless I'm really overestimating the Class Cards, they should be impossible for a normal magus to deal with unless you have some kind of overpowered trump card."
Ritsuka grinned, and unslung his bag. "Oh, well, if that's all you're worried about, then we totally have one of those." He undid the clips and stepped back.
Rin's expression was wary, like someone waiting for the punchline of a joke and beginning to suspect it may be on them. "And what might that be?"
There was an explosion of pink sparkles and confetti from Ritsuka's bag as Magical Ruby burst forth with all her usual subtlety. "Hi, Rin! Remember me?"
Rin Tohsaka, the elegant head of the Tohsaka family and self-described seer of shit, shrieked like a schoolgirl and crouched down, covering her head with her hands. "No no no get away you horrible thing!"
"Aw, but Rin, aren't we old buddies? Didn't we have so much fun back when you were little? And again when you were eighteen? And again when you were twenty-four?" Ruby cackled nastily, and circled Rin's head like a shark. "You're the gift that keeps on giving! I'm never going to be out of your life completely."
Tohsaka whimpered. "What do you want?"
"Why, I heard you were in town, and since you and I get on so well…" Ruby sniggered, "I wanted to introduce you to my sister."
Sapphire rose from Mash's bag, and joined Ruby's orbit around Rin's head. "Good evening, Miss Tohsaka. I am Magical Sapphire. I have heard so much about you from Ruby. Please treat me kindly. I have every expectation I will grow just as close to you as my sister has."
Tohsaka made a strangled noise of terror. Ritsuka reflected that, although Sapphire was certainly the more polite Kaleidostick, she wasn't actually all that much nicer than Ruby was. He shook his head. This was wasting time. He exchanged a look with Mash, and they decided he would be the one to take charge here.
"Okay, you can stop teasing her now," he said, clapping his hands.
"Who said I was just-" Ruby broke off at a severe look from Ritsuka. "Uh, right. Teasing. Sorry, Master." She floated over to hover over Ritsuka's shoulder, while Sapphire joined Mash. Tohsaka relaxed ever so slightly, peeking out from under her hands.
"So, um, yeah," Ritsuka said, rubbing the back of his head. "We're going to use the Kaleidosticks to fight the Card. I know it's not going to be as easy as that, but it's not like we're going in with nothing here. So, how about it? Can you help us?"
"Uuu…" Tohsaka whined. Seeing that the sticks showed no sign of attacking, she slowly stood up. "I guess I have no choice… but if you've got the Kaleidosticks, why do you even need me? The blasted things may be an affront to common decency, but they're purpose-built for performing materialisations of the Second Magic – they should be more than capable of accessing the Mirror World by themselves."
In the distance, sirens sounded. This wasn't really unusual for London, of course, but in the silence that followed Tohsaka's statement it sounded a lot louder than usual.
"Sapphire, why?" asked Mash, in the tremulous tones of a disappointed primary school teacher who has just discovered a child playing catch with the school hamster, again.
"It was all Ruby's idea," said Sapphire immediately. "As the younger sister, I'm highly influenced by her actions."
Ritsuka looked at Ruby steadily.
You wouldn't have thought it was possible for a wand to look sheepish, but it did.
"Ehehe… I was just so excited to get the chance to see Rin again?" she tried, shuffling from side to side in mid-air and squirming uncomfortably. Tohsaka took half a step back, apparently without thinking about it.
Ritsuka sighed. Being the only adult around was hard. He did his best to channel his 'disappointed dad' voice, from all the times his father had caught him with yet another girl Ritsuka hadn't properly rejected yet following him around.
"Okay. Ruby, I'm very disappointed in you, and I'm sure I speak for Mash when I say I'm sure she feels the same, Sapphire. I've always believed in you, and frankly I think less of you for doing this. We're trying to save the Chaldea Project here, and you've decided to mess around. It's not on. You've let me down, you've let Mash down, and most of all you've let yourselves down."
"…I'm actually feeling guilty," said Ruby to Sapphire in an incredulous whisper. "That's never happened before. How is he this good? Sapphire, I don't like this. This is really, really bad…"
"Hush, sister. We are bad, bad children and Master Ritsuka is right to punish us."
Ritsuka pretended he hadn't heard, which was probably the right move all things considered. "However, we do still have a job to do. If you are very good, and are actively helpful against the Card, I might leave this… misunderstanding out of our report to the Director."
Ruby bristled. "Bah, that old hag? What's she going to do? She already knows a Thames Time-Out only makes us get creative- ow, Sapphire!"
"Thank you, Mr Fujimaru," interrupted Sapphire, having collided with her sister in a totally accidental way. "We would be very grateful. May I say at this point how much Mash and I respect your abilities as a leader? We are very impressed. Let us proceed and say nothing about this to the Director, who has a line to Master Zelretch and no reason to treat us kindly."
RItuska turned to Tohsaka. "Well, there you have it. They're willing to behave, for now – could you please not mention this to Zelretch when you finish up? In their own way, they were just being friendly."
He looked sternly at Ruby. Ruby grumbled and floated a little unsteadily back up to head height, but said nothing.
Tohsaka folded her arms, and quirked an eyebrow. "You do seem to have them in hand… as much as anyone can, I suppose. Alright. I'll let this slide… on one condition."
"What's that?"
"I want to watch." Tohsaka gestured around at the empty gardens. "As far as I can tell – from the ten minutes of research I was able to do given the notice I had for this job, thanks Zelretch – the Cards tend to appear in meaningful locations if possible. That's an archery range on that field, which means you're possibly up against the Archer Card… although I suppose you already knew that much."
"Yes. Haha, of course. Definitely knew that," said Ritsuka, who sometimes scared himself with how good a liar he was.
"If it's the Archer Card, then I want to be along for the ride. Don't ask why, because it's personal and it doesn't really matter. Just… I want to see how this all ends." Tohsaka stared them down.
Ritsuka shrugged. If another experienced magus wanted to be on hand to help, he certainly wasn't going to object.
"Well, that's everything. Let's go, Mash."
"Yes, Senpai!"
Two impossibly embarrassing transformation sequences later, Ritsuka and Mash stood blushing in front of a Tohsaka visibly trying to restrain laughter. Mash squirmed, and retrieved the Shielder Card from her bag while trying not to expose herself more than necessary, then touched it to Sapphire's wand form.
"Class Card Shielder, Include!"
Sapphire glowed, then seemed to become light, spreading and changing form. When it stopped, Mash held an enormous cross-shaped shield, which she hefted and planted in the ground.
Ritsuka whistled. "Wow, well done, Mash! Isn't that heavy?"
"Maybe a little bit?" Mash said. She waved it around experimentally. "Um, it seems quite light, actually. Sapphire, is this really OK?"
"Alright." Ritsuka took a deep breath. "When we get in to where the Card's hiding, you try and draw its attention, and make sure it's busy attacking that shield. I'll be charging up attacks, and try and wear it down. Ms Tohsaka, please stay behind Mash as much as possible. It would be very embarrassing if we had to return you to the Wizard Marshal in pieces." He smiled winningly at Tohsaka, who snorted and waved him off.
"Oh, I'll be fine, Kaleido Garnet. Go on, get in there already."
"Alright. Ruby, I'm counting on you here."
"No worries, Master!" A ring of light expanded out from under Ritsuka's feet. "Preparing Mirror World Inversion!"
Ritsuka steeled himself for the fight of his life. This was it. All his training, all his preparation, every both of the plans he'd come with, was leading up to this. It would be a test of his mental, physical and magical resilience. But, with hard work, and trust in his friends, he would prevail.
Because he was sure that whoever this hero was, they wouldn't be going down easily.
---
"What's a 'Stella'?"
---
"Okay. Tell me what happened." Olga Marie steepled her fingers on the desk.
See, because that was what had happened at the start of the night? It was like symmetry or something. Really, the only differences between now and then were that it was now the middle of the night, and that Ritsuka and Mash were covered in scuffs and bruises and had shellshocked expressions on their faces.
And also, the slightly singed Archer Card that lay on the Director's desk.
"Well, the good news is that we did manage to retrieve the Card," started Ritsuka. "That's the important thing, and I think I should stress that we did manage to achieve our main objective."
Olga Marie blinked. "Well, of course. I couldn't be more pleased. Ms Tohsaka's preliminary report also speaks glowingly of your efforts. 'Nothing more I can do for them – please do not bother to call me again', I think it went. It's lucky we found one of the Knight Classes this early, since we can pair offence and defence with the Shielder Card. Now, anything you can tell us about the fight will be invaluable information, particularly in how to use Archer's power as an Include."
Ritsuka cringed, and visions of a blinding light flashed behind his eyes. "About that…"
"What?" said Olga Marie. "This is the greatest advantage to using the Kaleidosticks to collect the Class Cards – that as you defeat more and more, you can borrow the power of the Heroic Spirits to use for yourself. You've done a good job so far, but eventually you'll need to unlock the Class Cards' full power- why are you looking like that?"
Mash stepped forward. "Um, Director, the thing is, we actually saw Archer's Noble Phantasm. Shielder's power was able to protect us, but… the thing is…"
"Archer's Noble Phantasm is a self-destruct button," Ruby said bluntly. "I'm not turning myself into that!"
"You would not be a great loss," hissed Olga Marie, but she quickly turned somber. "A… self-destruct, you say?"
Ristuka nodded. "With an emphasis on the 'destruct'."
"You're sure it was his Noble Phantasm?" said Olga Marie, slightly desperately. "I've heard of these things called Broken Phantasms… or maybe he's got some self-resurrection ability to go with it?" Hey eyes pleaded with Ritsuka to agree, to say it was a mistake and they hadn't just gone through all this crap for nothing.
Ritsuka closed his eyes and remembered Archer's smile as he was annihilated by the light of his ultimate attack, and the card fluttering to the ground as the Mirror World collapsed. "I'm pretty sure that was the whole thing. Sorry, Director."
Olga Marie leaned forward on the desk and kneaded her head in her hands. "So you're telling me that, of the two Cards we've collected, one is a purely defensive Phantasm, and the other kills the user whenever it's activated?"
"It's okay, Director," said Mash, going over to gently pat Olga Marie on the head. "We can still use Shielder, and Ritsuka is really getting much better at using Ruby despite having terrible circuits! Even if the Archer Card is totally useless, we're no worse than we were off before going through this ordeal! The other Cards won't be so kind as to take themselves out of the picture, and we didn't really get any better at fighting, but I'm sure we'll do just as well against those! Even if the Archer Card is totally useless!"
Olga Marie's head went down on her desk.
Mash meant well, and didn't have a mean bone in her body. It was one of the things Ritsuka loved about his flatmate. But he never, ever wanted her to try to cheer him up.
"We'll just… be going now, Director," he said, taking hold of Mash's hand to pull her away from Olga Marie before she tried to help any more.
"Thank you…"
Last edited:
Chapter 5 - In which we are professionals doing a professional job
- Location
- Probably at sea
Okay, okay. So, this story's been pretty heavy on the magical adventure side of things – or, you know, as much as you can squeeze in while also trying to get your worldbuilding and comedy gags done – but there's something missing, isn't there? Something that no good magical girl series should be without?
No, not tasteless fanservice. Shame on you.
What this story has really been lacking is heaps and heaps of unspoken sexual tension between its two leads. And, well, I'm sorry for that. You know it, I know it, the Kaleidosticks certainly know it: if you don't have a couple of hormonal teenagers making absolute fools out of themselves for the one they like, can you really call it a magical girl show? I would posit you cannot – and, more importantly, the Kaleidosticks are on-hand to make sure such a grave error doesn't slip by.
Pity their poor victims. Pity them.
But, also, melt into a puddle at the antics of these two adorable dorks. They really are so lovely, and work so well together. Look, I've waffled on long enough, you want to get to the fluff, and also possibly looking for those pesky Cards if we have time between commercials. Without any more ado, then:
As usual, the Clock Tower was an oasis of calm among the morning rush of central London. It almost felt like stepping back in time, to a bygone era where the bustle of the city hadn't quite made it. Vines trailed up ancient brick, and coiled round rusted handles set into tiny windows. The air was still and sleepy, even this early in the morning, the trees stirred by the faintest of breezes. Even the sound of the traffic outside seemed muted and far away – and in fact it was, a Bounded Field both preventing outsiders from hearing what went on and suspending the place in a cocoon of silence.
In short, the Clock Tower was, by design, the perfect place if you wanted to pretend you were still living in the nineteenth century.
This, thought Ritsuka, explained quite a lot about magi.
There weren't a lot of magi, and not a lot of those were exactly early risers – right now, Ritsuka and Mash could have been the only people in the entire world. They made their way through silent halls to the Chaldea Command Centre, also known as Director Olga Marie Animusphere's office.
The Director was an early riser; or at least, she seemed to take great pride in always being awake and at work before any of her subordinates. As she put it, how could she be expected to lead her team if she wasn't there working right alongside them, putting in every bit of effort they did and more? It was some kind of aristocratic sensibility that Ritsuka didn't really get, but he did appreciate the thought. After all, this was serious work they were doing, and he was keen to make the most of his time!
And to show he really did appreciate it, he and Mash had been arriving ever so slightly earlier every day. The Director seemed to have picked up on it, and there was a silent competition between them. Nothing silly, of course. They didn't want it to get out of hand.
Ritsuka's watch beeped five-thirty just as he knocked on the door.
"Wha! -oh. Come… come in," came a startled yawn that might have been Olga Marie's voice. Ritsuka and Mash opened the door, and filed in to find the Director behind her desk, with the wide-eyed, frazzled look of someone who was definitely not sleeping just a moment ago.
Mash busied herself with making tea for her boss. Ritsuka would have helped, but Mash seemed to enjoy it, so he instead took a seat in front of the Director's desk and sat politely while waiting for her to realise he was there.
She looked very tired. Ritsuka hoped she wasn't working too hard.
After a cup of tea, and some unspecified baked thing – a scone? A welsh cake? A biscuit? The variety of vaguely-beige sweet goods in Britain was baffling to Ritsuka – Olga Marie Animusphere seemed to have vaguely worked out there was something she was meant to be doing.
There was a short pause, as she looked at Ritsuka and Mash with some confusion.
"Good morning, Director," Ritsuka prompted.
"Hm? Oh. Yes. Good morning, Ritsuka," said the Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation, apparently on autopilot. "Quite well, thank you. How are you? Mash, good morning. Just fine. Hm?"
"…yes," Mash said. She raised her voice a little. "Good morning, Director – Mash Kyrielight and Ritsuka Fujimaru, reporting for duty! If you have anything for us to do, we'll get on with that, or we can just continue practicing using the Kaleidosticks if you… oh, she's asleep."
Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look, over the head of Olga Marie, face-down on her desk and snoring lightly.
"Senpai, I think we'd better try again in a couple of hours."
"Good plan," Ritsuka said. "Cafeteria? My treat."
They got up and crept out of the office.
At eight o' clock, Ritsuka and Mash knocked on the door to Director Olga Marie Animusphere's office once again.
"Come in," came the clear and commanding reply.
They entered, and found the Director behind her desk, looking a lot more awake. Her glare dared them to say anything as they sat down, and neither Ritsuka nor Mash had the heart to tell their boss she still had one lock of white hair stuck to her face.
"Now," she said. "Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of news for you. Work on locating the Cards continues, but is… slow going."
"Why's that?" asked Ritsuka. "Didn't we get that ley line map that shows us all the weird stuff going on in London?"
"We did."
"So what's the problem?"
A look of frustration passed Olga Marie's face. "Do you have the slightest idea how much 'weird stuff' there is going on in London? It's the home of the Clock Tower, for goodness' sake! There's so many magi pulling ley lines every which way that it's impossible to get a perfect read on how it's supposed to look, never mind what the Cards have done to it. We found the Archer card because it just so happened to be located in a neutral area that no magi had claimed, so the Mirror World pocket stood out from the background noise. But the rest is hidden in a swirl of activity – there are other pockets, but they could be Bounded Fields, or experiments, or random eddies in the flow of mana, anything." She leaned forward and kneaded her head with her hands. "I suppose we'll just have to check all of them out, but even so there's no guarantee any of them will be the Cards."
"That doesn't sound too bad," said Mash. "How many of these possible locations are there?"
"About four hundred," said Olga Marie flatly. "So far. Confining myself within the greater London area only. At surface level."
"Oh," said Mash. It kind of said it all.
Ritsuka sighed. "Well, I guess we're in for a lot of travelling around London. It's a shame we don't have a better way of locating the Cards, but I'm sure we'll stumble on one eventually. Mash, I'll be counting on you to show me round."
"Eh!? Um, ah, of course, Senpai… only…" Mash fidgeted with the hem of her hoodie. "I've… never really been around London…"
"Weren't you born here? Surely you must have some idea of how to get around?" Ritsuka asked, confused. He wasn't going to pry, but it really was a bit odd that Mash seemed so out of her depth in a city she'd supposedly been living in her whole life.
He looked at the Director for help, and was met with a hard stare and a 'don't ask questions' type of frown. "Um. Well. Okay, I guess. I'm sure it can't be that hard. It's only the largest and busiest city in the UK. We'll be fine, probably!"
"Sorry, Senpai…" Mash looked genuinely upset to not be of use, eyes downcast and expression distraught.
Ritsuka ruffled her hair. "It's not your fault, Mash. If you don't know, then you don't know. Director, I don't suppose you could spare some time?"
"I'm very sorry," Olga Marie said with a wince. "I would love to, but you have no idea how much time being a head of department takes up. Finance, curriculum, human resources, inhuman resources… it's a miracle I can spare enough effort to run Chaldea on the side as it is. Much as I would like to, the Lords would have my head if I went gallivanting off around London and neglected my other duties. I'm afraid you're on your own."
It was fair enough, he supposed. The fresh air would probably have done the Director a lot of good, but if she simply couldn't then there was no helping it. This did leave them kind of stuck, however… Ritsuka was as intrepid as the next teenager who'd moved his whole life to the other side of the world, but it would have been nice to have a guide.
And he really didn't look forward to investigating four hundred locations on foot.
"Ooh! Ooh!" came an entirely unwelcome voice from inside his bag. With a burst of pink light and what sounded suspiciously like a trumpet fanfare, Ruby burst out and spun on her axis with a flourish. Sapphire made a less flashy entrance, but still left Mash's bag to float next to her sister. "Leave it to us! We can totally show you all the best places to be."
Olga Marie regarded the stick cautiously, as one would a horrible spider that may or may not decide to drop onto your head. "You? What would you know about anything?"
"Hey, we were born here too, you know! We're just as much Londoners as you or Mash are. We're locals, practically part of the scenery, streetwise operators. Cut us and we'd bleed Thames water!"
"Also, we downloaded Google Maps," added Sapphire unhelpfully. "In addition, there is the consideration that we are especially sensitive to changes in the dimensional boundaries. If we encounter such an area, we are best suited to homing in on its location. In a search for Mirror World pockets, we can cut the time down drastically."
"Yeah, and that," said Ruby.
The Director narrowed her eyes. "You two are being suspiciously helpful. What happened to 'oh, you didn't ask whether or not we could access the Mirror World'?"
Ruby bobbed up and down in what was probably a shrug. "Eh, Rin's avoiding us, so that gag's run its course. We've got a new scheme going now-" She was cut off by Sapphire, who forcefully rammed into Ruby without warning and knocked her into the far wall.
"Which is to be extremely helpful at all times, having learned the error of our ways. Because we were naughty sticks and deserved our punishment. We are certainly not plotting anything involving our wonderful Masters. By the way, Master Ritsuka, you are looking especially dashing today, don't you think so, Miss Mash?"
From how Mash turned a fetching shade of pink, she seemed to agree. "S-Sapphire!"
Ritsuka inspected his outfit. He hadn't exactly brought a full wardrobe with him, which meant that this outfit was strikingly similar to the one he'd worn three days ago, and three days before that. "Oh, this old thing? It's okay, I suppose. I do need more clothes, to be honest. Now I'm actually earning, I guess I could splurge a little."
"Yes," said Sapphire. "That is precisely what you should do. Also, Mash should be with you while you are trying outfits on."
"Sapphire!"
"She is an excellent judge of fashion. As you see. As a woman, she will be best suited to ascertaining whether or not your outfits are acceptable."
Ritsuka side-eyed Sapphire, now dodging attempts from a frantic Mash to stuff her back inside the bag, but for how expressive a stick without a face could be when it wanted to, Sapphire was very difficult to get a read on. He decided to let it go. Nothing good could come of arguing with the Kaleidosticks, and he didn't think they'd get up to anything too malicious.
Across the room, Ruby seemed to have recovered, and floated unsteadily back to Ritsuka. "Well, anyway, there you have it. Leave these two to us, Director, we'll be sure to show them a good time."
"And locate the Cards, sister."
"Oh, right, that too. Give us a look at that ley line map – we can probably interpret it better than you can anyway, and we'll plot out a route that'll investigate the most likely sites in the shortest time! Go us! We're the best!"
Olga Marie kneaded her temples. "This is a terrible plan. I know it's a terrible plan, I know I'll regret it later, and I know I shouldn't be allowing this, but it looks like we're out of better options. The… the…" She stopped, looking sick. "I don't think I can physically say this."
"Are… are you okay?" said Mash, leaning forward with concern. "You don't have to push yourself…"
"No, I have this." Olga Marie took a deep breath, as if she were about to plunge into icy water. "The… Kaleidosticks can take the lead on this operation." She winced even as she said it.
There wasn't actually a crack of thunder, but it seemed like there should have been. Ruby and Sapphire darted forward and began orbiting the Director's head, cackling with glee.
Ritsuka exchanged a look with Mash. "They… they mean well?" It came out as a question.
"They've got our best interests at heart," agreed Mash, although she didn't look very sure either.
Ritsuka smiled reassuringly, but privately crossed his fingers. After all… Kaleidosticks didn't have hearts.
The Kaleidosticks had, surprisingly, not decided the best place for Ritsuka and Mash to search for Cards was the bottom of the Thames or inside Scotland Yard.
Instead, they'd directed them to go straight back home.
"Look, Master," said Ruby, as they walked through the door into their flat. "The Cards aren't real Heroic Spirits, but they do have a limited sapience of their own. Not much, but enough to be aware of their surroundings."
An image of the Archer Card's sad smile flashed through Ritsuka's mind. "Yeah, okay, I can see that. So what?"
"So, if they detect any overt mystical activity around them, they're going to know the gig is up! They might not be able to move around all that much, but they can certainly get ready and stack the deck in their favour. Sometimes they can even team up! You're going to have to blend in to the surroundings. Be subtle."
Ritsuka was pretty sure the gaudy pink flying stick had a different idea of what subtle meant than he did, but played along and let himself be chivvied into his room. "So… why are we here?" He looked around for support and, to his slight panic, found it totally missing. "And why has Sapphire taken Mash into her room?"
Ruby wagged one wing at him. "Ah ah, no peeking now! You two look okay for day-to-day, but for something like this you will need to put a little effort in. That outfit is fine, but I think we can do better. Strip!"
Ritsuka crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not comfortable with this."
"Let me put it this way…" Ruby said, trailing ominous pink sparkles. "You can get changed, or I'll change for you."
Ritsuka's shirt hit the floor. "I'll be good."
"Good boy…" purred Ruby. "Now, which of your shirts is the tightest?"
After several highly embarrassing minutes, Ruby pushed Ritsuka out the door of his room into the flat, just as Sapphire did the same with Mash opposite.
Ritsuka's jaw dropped.
It sounded a little harsh to say it, but he'd sort of gotten used to Mash as this quirky but adorable girl that he lived and worked with. He wasn't one to turn into a blushing mess at the thought of girls anyway – he'd never have survived back home if he were – but even beyond that Mash was just… Mash.
A large part of that, he was now realising, was that – like him – she wore largely the same thing day-to-day, and so he'd never given much thought to her appearance. She looked cute, of course, but that was because in his mind Mash = cute. He didn't look at her and go, 'wow, Mash really looks great today'.
Now, Mash stood there blushing in a white and blue gingham dress, with a sunshine yellow cardigan over the top. Ritsuka blinked and looked away, then looked back. No, that really was Mash, for once out of her comfy grey hoodie. And, he realised as his eyes drifted downwards before he could stop them, out of her tights as well.
Wow, Mash really looks great today, thought Rituska. And then, Oh shit.
Apparently, she was thinking something similar. Her eyes roamed up and down his figure, and her face got redder and redder.
Ritsuka thought he'd better say something before one of them exploded. He could do this. Talk about how much cooler she must feel without tights on! No, wait, was that weird? Dammit, he'd better think of something, because his mouth was opening, and like it or not something was coming out…
"Ah-haha, nice weather today. Nice and warm."
Dammit!
Mash met his helplessly embarrassed gaze with one of her own. No more words presented themselves, which was probably for the best.
"Perfect!" said Ruby. "Sapphire, we totally smashed this. These two are going to be adorable together. This date will go wonderfully."
"This what?"
"This hunt for the Card," put in Sapphire. "That is what Ruby said. Because we are professionals doing a professional job."
"Yeah, that."
The two sticks hovered innocently.
Ritsuka decided not to ask. In their own way, the Kaleidosticks seemed to be in a helpful mood. "Alright," he said. "Where to first?"
In response, Ruby emitted a startling whirring noise, then printed out a sheet of paper from… somewhere. Ritsuka didn't really want to know, but couldn't stop himself from peeking at the title. He got as far as '20 Great Date Ideas to Really Get Your Partner-' before Ruby held flicked it over to read and hid it from his view.
"Let's see… too boring, too expensive, for over-18's only… ah! Okay, first stop: Gough Square, for a Love Poetry Walk!"
Mash twiddled her fingers together, nervously. "Um, Ruby, I don't really see what that has to do with Card hunting…"
"It is simple, Miss Mash," said Sapphire. "Many great poets and artists ascended to the Throne of Heroes, and are prime candidates for being made into Cards. This tour is a perfect way to hit all points resonant to those Heroic Spirits in an efficient manner. Please, do not read any more into it."
"I don't know if I believe you…"
A couple of hours later, Mash and Ritsuka waved off the tour guide, having been walked round a route highlighting the poetic history of London, complete with readings of classic poetry.
"Well, that was a bust," Ritsuka said.
Mash nodded, but she didn't seem displeased. "Yes, but it was still very interesting! I'd read a lot of those poems before, but seeing the places they were talking about and learning the context made me really see them in a new light."
"I suppose." Ritsuka hadn't seen Mash this enthusiastic before, but it was another new side to his roommate he didn't regret seeing. "I didn't know you were into poetry. I'm not surprised, somehow – it suits you, Mash."
Mash blushed. "Oh, well, you know… I spent a lot of time with not much to do, so I read a lot of books when I was younger."
Now that they were finished with the tour, they wandered over to an alley, and opened their bags. Ruby and Sapphire came out, seeming quite excited.
"Well?" demanded Ruby.
"What do you mean, 'well'? You were the ones keeping an eye out for the Mirror world, weren't you?"
"Oh yeah, no, nothing. But forget that, what did you guys think? Any developments we should know about?"
Ritsuka and Mash looked at each other, totally lost.
Ruby put a wing to what counted as her face. "Ugh, you're hopeless. Oh well – Sapphire, what's next?"
Sapphire floated up, that piece of paper Ruby had printed out held in her butterfly wings. "Next is a walk around one of London's most famous and beautiful landmarks, St Paul's Cathedral. Stop by The Crypt for an atmospheric lunch, or stop by Artigiano's Espresso and Wine Bar for an authentic pick me up."
Uh-huh. Ritsuka could see where this was going, and narrowed his eyes. "Let me guess – this could be where any number of Saints or other holy Heroic Spirits could have chosen to hide themselves, and definitely isn't a prime date location?"
"Or any of the figures buried here," said Sapphire, not even sounding embarrassed. "The building has a long history, and is connected to a lot of figures who may have ascended to the Throne of Heroes."
… the annoying part was, she wasn't actually wrong. "Alright," Ritsuka said. "Come on, Mash. At least I know you're paying attention to the job we're meant to be doing."
"Yes, senpai!"
"Oh, you're both hopeless," muttered Ruby.
Lunch at St Paul's was delicious, if terribly overpriced even for London. Ritsuka had had a lovely day out so far, but so far hadn't gotten any closer to doing his actual job – there hadn't been any Class Cards around the cathedral.
"How was that, Mash?" he asked.
He'd managed to catch Mash with a mouthful of scone, and politely waited while she finished. "That was interesting as well, senpai. I often used to look out at all the buildings I could see, and wonder what was inside them. I'm glad I finally got to find out, for at least one."
"Were you not allowed outside or something?" Ritsuka was realising he didn't know all that much about Mash. Maybe it was the different setting, maybe it was the clothes, maybe he just thought it had gone on long enough, but while he didn't want to pry, he found himself wondering just how a sweet girl like Mash had gotten involved with something like the Clock Tower. "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine, senpai. I was… um, well, I wasn't expected to live very long when I was younger, so I had a lot of doctors keeping an eye on me. They didn't want me to go outside and get sick, so I could only explore the world outside my window, and through books. But, just before you arrived, I was finally allowed outside! The Director thought I should be given the same opportunities as anyone else. I owe a lot to her and her family, so helping with the Chaldea project was the least I could do."
That explained a lot… while being very vague on the details. It was still better than Ritsuka had had before, and he took the information as the sign of trust that it was. "Thank you for telling me," he said seriously. "I hope you already know this, but I'm glad to have met you, Mash. Anything you need to tell me, I'll be here to listen – and anything you don't, I won't go digging."
Mash smiled, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you, senpai. I promise, I'm just a normal girl. I'm not trying to keep secrets from you. And… I'm glad I met you too."
Ritsuka smiled back, and tried to ignore the frantic 'squeeee' noise coming from his bag. He leaned down. "Shush, Ruby. People are going to notice."
"But… so cute… must… get pictures…"
"Later. Where's next?"
There was a rustling noise from the bag. "Um… let's see… ah! That's right, we booked you two a trip to the theatre! Super romantic, and not easy to get on short notice, let me tell you…"
Okay, now the sticks weren't even trying to be subtle. How was a trip to the theatre meant to help find the Class Cards? At least for these other destinations they'd been moving around, or hitting major landmarks that might conceivably attract a Heroic Spirit. This? He didn't think even the sticks could justify it.
"Sapphire? Explain why we should go along with this?" he asked, just in case.
"I apologise, Master Ritsuka. This was all Ruby's idea, and I take no responsibility for it. I think you should punish her, she's been slacking off all day."
While Ruby squawked in outrage about the totally expected backstabbing from her sister, Ritsuka mulled it over. The fact was, they had actually been working hard all day – or covering a lot of ground, which was basically the same thing. The Kaleidosticks were a couple of little shits, but he didn't think even they would outright ignore a Mirror World pocket if they really did encounter one.
…well, not again at any rate. They had more imagination than that.
And, well, maybe he was just in a good mood, but Ritsuka thought he deserved a pleasant night off. The theatre, huh…
"Sure," he said. "Sounds fun. Mash?"
"Looking forward to it, senpai!"
London's West End was, as usual, a hive of activity. This was the real tourist trap, where the billboards of Leicester Square gave way to the grand old buildings of Pall Mall, each flying the posters for the plays and musicals they were showing. Ticket scalpers hawked their wares on the corner, the air was filled with the smell of roasting peanuts, and theatre-goers milled every which way in the evening light.
"Which is the venue we're after again?" Ritsuka asked.
"Her Majesty's Theatre," Mash said, looking at her phone. "This way!"
They made their way through the crowd, cast their eyes about for the musical they were here to see. As the streets got wider, the people filled it all the more, and Ritsuka and Mash were forced closer and closer together. Ritsuka found he didn't mind. He stole a glance down at Mash, who seemed to have decided to hold onto his arm to stop herself being swept away. Her face was wide-yed with excitement, looking around the hustle and bustle in wonder. Ritsuka smiled, and led on…
… when he felt his bag buzz.
"Are you kidding me?" screeched Ruby. "Really? Now? We'd just got the mood going! Goddammit, of all the times for a Class Card to show up…"
Ritsuka stared flatly at his bag. "Really?" he said.
"Yes, really! Urgh, this is so annoying. It's definitely a Class Card, no doubt about it. I suppose we'd better suit up, or call it in, or something. Gah!"
Mash detached herself from his arm, and rummaged in her own bag for Sapphire.
Ritsuka looked around for a suitable spot to get Ruby out, and call the Director. This was it – Card number two, successfully found! Soon, he would find out just how well all his training and practice had served him.
But all the same, even if he wouldn't admit it, he couldn't help feeling just a little disappointed.
No, not tasteless fanservice. Shame on you.
What this story has really been lacking is heaps and heaps of unspoken sexual tension between its two leads. And, well, I'm sorry for that. You know it, I know it, the Kaleidosticks certainly know it: if you don't have a couple of hormonal teenagers making absolute fools out of themselves for the one they like, can you really call it a magical girl show? I would posit you cannot – and, more importantly, the Kaleidosticks are on-hand to make sure such a grave error doesn't slip by.
Pity their poor victims. Pity them.
But, also, melt into a puddle at the antics of these two adorable dorks. They really are so lovely, and work so well together. Look, I've waffled on long enough, you want to get to the fluff, and also possibly looking for those pesky Cards if we have time between commercials. Without any more ado, then:
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 5 – In which we are professionals doing a professional job
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 5 – In which we are professionals doing a professional job
---
As usual, the Clock Tower was an oasis of calm among the morning rush of central London. It almost felt like stepping back in time, to a bygone era where the bustle of the city hadn't quite made it. Vines trailed up ancient brick, and coiled round rusted handles set into tiny windows. The air was still and sleepy, even this early in the morning, the trees stirred by the faintest of breezes. Even the sound of the traffic outside seemed muted and far away – and in fact it was, a Bounded Field both preventing outsiders from hearing what went on and suspending the place in a cocoon of silence.
In short, the Clock Tower was, by design, the perfect place if you wanted to pretend you were still living in the nineteenth century.
This, thought Ritsuka, explained quite a lot about magi.
There weren't a lot of magi, and not a lot of those were exactly early risers – right now, Ritsuka and Mash could have been the only people in the entire world. They made their way through silent halls to the Chaldea Command Centre, also known as Director Olga Marie Animusphere's office.
The Director was an early riser; or at least, she seemed to take great pride in always being awake and at work before any of her subordinates. As she put it, how could she be expected to lead her team if she wasn't there working right alongside them, putting in every bit of effort they did and more? It was some kind of aristocratic sensibility that Ritsuka didn't really get, but he did appreciate the thought. After all, this was serious work they were doing, and he was keen to make the most of his time!
And to show he really did appreciate it, he and Mash had been arriving ever so slightly earlier every day. The Director seemed to have picked up on it, and there was a silent competition between them. Nothing silly, of course. They didn't want it to get out of hand.
Ritsuka's watch beeped five-thirty just as he knocked on the door.
"Wha! -oh. Come… come in," came a startled yawn that might have been Olga Marie's voice. Ritsuka and Mash opened the door, and filed in to find the Director behind her desk, with the wide-eyed, frazzled look of someone who was definitely not sleeping just a moment ago.
Mash busied herself with making tea for her boss. Ritsuka would have helped, but Mash seemed to enjoy it, so he instead took a seat in front of the Director's desk and sat politely while waiting for her to realise he was there.
She looked very tired. Ritsuka hoped she wasn't working too hard.
After a cup of tea, and some unspecified baked thing – a scone? A welsh cake? A biscuit? The variety of vaguely-beige sweet goods in Britain was baffling to Ritsuka – Olga Marie Animusphere seemed to have vaguely worked out there was something she was meant to be doing.
There was a short pause, as she looked at Ritsuka and Mash with some confusion.
"Good morning, Director," Ritsuka prompted.
"Hm? Oh. Yes. Good morning, Ritsuka," said the Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation, apparently on autopilot. "Quite well, thank you. How are you? Mash, good morning. Just fine. Hm?"
"…yes," Mash said. She raised her voice a little. "Good morning, Director – Mash Kyrielight and Ritsuka Fujimaru, reporting for duty! If you have anything for us to do, we'll get on with that, or we can just continue practicing using the Kaleidosticks if you… oh, she's asleep."
Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look, over the head of Olga Marie, face-down on her desk and snoring lightly.
"Senpai, I think we'd better try again in a couple of hours."
"Good plan," Ritsuka said. "Cafeteria? My treat."
They got up and crept out of the office.
---
At eight o' clock, Ritsuka and Mash knocked on the door to Director Olga Marie Animusphere's office once again.
"Come in," came the clear and commanding reply.
They entered, and found the Director behind her desk, looking a lot more awake. Her glare dared them to say anything as they sat down, and neither Ritsuka nor Mash had the heart to tell their boss she still had one lock of white hair stuck to her face.
"Now," she said. "Unfortunately, I don't have a whole lot of news for you. Work on locating the Cards continues, but is… slow going."
"Why's that?" asked Ritsuka. "Didn't we get that ley line map that shows us all the weird stuff going on in London?"
"We did."
"So what's the problem?"
A look of frustration passed Olga Marie's face. "Do you have the slightest idea how much 'weird stuff' there is going on in London? It's the home of the Clock Tower, for goodness' sake! There's so many magi pulling ley lines every which way that it's impossible to get a perfect read on how it's supposed to look, never mind what the Cards have done to it. We found the Archer card because it just so happened to be located in a neutral area that no magi had claimed, so the Mirror World pocket stood out from the background noise. But the rest is hidden in a swirl of activity – there are other pockets, but they could be Bounded Fields, or experiments, or random eddies in the flow of mana, anything." She leaned forward and kneaded her head with her hands. "I suppose we'll just have to check all of them out, but even so there's no guarantee any of them will be the Cards."
"That doesn't sound too bad," said Mash. "How many of these possible locations are there?"
"About four hundred," said Olga Marie flatly. "So far. Confining myself within the greater London area only. At surface level."
"Oh," said Mash. It kind of said it all.
Ritsuka sighed. "Well, I guess we're in for a lot of travelling around London. It's a shame we don't have a better way of locating the Cards, but I'm sure we'll stumble on one eventually. Mash, I'll be counting on you to show me round."
"Eh!? Um, ah, of course, Senpai… only…" Mash fidgeted with the hem of her hoodie. "I've… never really been around London…"
"Weren't you born here? Surely you must have some idea of how to get around?" Ritsuka asked, confused. He wasn't going to pry, but it really was a bit odd that Mash seemed so out of her depth in a city she'd supposedly been living in her whole life.
He looked at the Director for help, and was met with a hard stare and a 'don't ask questions' type of frown. "Um. Well. Okay, I guess. I'm sure it can't be that hard. It's only the largest and busiest city in the UK. We'll be fine, probably!"
"Sorry, Senpai…" Mash looked genuinely upset to not be of use, eyes downcast and expression distraught.
Ritsuka ruffled her hair. "It's not your fault, Mash. If you don't know, then you don't know. Director, I don't suppose you could spare some time?"
"I'm very sorry," Olga Marie said with a wince. "I would love to, but you have no idea how much time being a head of department takes up. Finance, curriculum, human resources, inhuman resources… it's a miracle I can spare enough effort to run Chaldea on the side as it is. Much as I would like to, the Lords would have my head if I went gallivanting off around London and neglected my other duties. I'm afraid you're on your own."
It was fair enough, he supposed. The fresh air would probably have done the Director a lot of good, but if she simply couldn't then there was no helping it. This did leave them kind of stuck, however… Ritsuka was as intrepid as the next teenager who'd moved his whole life to the other side of the world, but it would have been nice to have a guide.
And he really didn't look forward to investigating four hundred locations on foot.
"Ooh! Ooh!" came an entirely unwelcome voice from inside his bag. With a burst of pink light and what sounded suspiciously like a trumpet fanfare, Ruby burst out and spun on her axis with a flourish. Sapphire made a less flashy entrance, but still left Mash's bag to float next to her sister. "Leave it to us! We can totally show you all the best places to be."
Olga Marie regarded the stick cautiously, as one would a horrible spider that may or may not decide to drop onto your head. "You? What would you know about anything?"
"Hey, we were born here too, you know! We're just as much Londoners as you or Mash are. We're locals, practically part of the scenery, streetwise operators. Cut us and we'd bleed Thames water!"
"Also, we downloaded Google Maps," added Sapphire unhelpfully. "In addition, there is the consideration that we are especially sensitive to changes in the dimensional boundaries. If we encounter such an area, we are best suited to homing in on its location. In a search for Mirror World pockets, we can cut the time down drastically."
"Yeah, and that," said Ruby.
The Director narrowed her eyes. "You two are being suspiciously helpful. What happened to 'oh, you didn't ask whether or not we could access the Mirror World'?"
Ruby bobbed up and down in what was probably a shrug. "Eh, Rin's avoiding us, so that gag's run its course. We've got a new scheme going now-" She was cut off by Sapphire, who forcefully rammed into Ruby without warning and knocked her into the far wall.
"Which is to be extremely helpful at all times, having learned the error of our ways. Because we were naughty sticks and deserved our punishment. We are certainly not plotting anything involving our wonderful Masters. By the way, Master Ritsuka, you are looking especially dashing today, don't you think so, Miss Mash?"
From how Mash turned a fetching shade of pink, she seemed to agree. "S-Sapphire!"
Ritsuka inspected his outfit. He hadn't exactly brought a full wardrobe with him, which meant that this outfit was strikingly similar to the one he'd worn three days ago, and three days before that. "Oh, this old thing? It's okay, I suppose. I do need more clothes, to be honest. Now I'm actually earning, I guess I could splurge a little."
"Yes," said Sapphire. "That is precisely what you should do. Also, Mash should be with you while you are trying outfits on."
"Sapphire!"
"She is an excellent judge of fashion. As you see. As a woman, she will be best suited to ascertaining whether or not your outfits are acceptable."
Ritsuka side-eyed Sapphire, now dodging attempts from a frantic Mash to stuff her back inside the bag, but for how expressive a stick without a face could be when it wanted to, Sapphire was very difficult to get a read on. He decided to let it go. Nothing good could come of arguing with the Kaleidosticks, and he didn't think they'd get up to anything too malicious.
Across the room, Ruby seemed to have recovered, and floated unsteadily back to Ritsuka. "Well, anyway, there you have it. Leave these two to us, Director, we'll be sure to show them a good time."
"And locate the Cards, sister."
"Oh, right, that too. Give us a look at that ley line map – we can probably interpret it better than you can anyway, and we'll plot out a route that'll investigate the most likely sites in the shortest time! Go us! We're the best!"
Olga Marie kneaded her temples. "This is a terrible plan. I know it's a terrible plan, I know I'll regret it later, and I know I shouldn't be allowing this, but it looks like we're out of better options. The… the…" She stopped, looking sick. "I don't think I can physically say this."
"Are… are you okay?" said Mash, leaning forward with concern. "You don't have to push yourself…"
"No, I have this." Olga Marie took a deep breath, as if she were about to plunge into icy water. "The… Kaleidosticks can take the lead on this operation." She winced even as she said it.
There wasn't actually a crack of thunder, but it seemed like there should have been. Ruby and Sapphire darted forward and began orbiting the Director's head, cackling with glee.
Ritsuka exchanged a look with Mash. "They… they mean well?" It came out as a question.
"They've got our best interests at heart," agreed Mash, although she didn't look very sure either.
Ritsuka smiled reassuringly, but privately crossed his fingers. After all… Kaleidosticks didn't have hearts.
---
The Kaleidosticks had, surprisingly, not decided the best place for Ritsuka and Mash to search for Cards was the bottom of the Thames or inside Scotland Yard.
Instead, they'd directed them to go straight back home.
"Look, Master," said Ruby, as they walked through the door into their flat. "The Cards aren't real Heroic Spirits, but they do have a limited sapience of their own. Not much, but enough to be aware of their surroundings."
An image of the Archer Card's sad smile flashed through Ritsuka's mind. "Yeah, okay, I can see that. So what?"
"So, if they detect any overt mystical activity around them, they're going to know the gig is up! They might not be able to move around all that much, but they can certainly get ready and stack the deck in their favour. Sometimes they can even team up! You're going to have to blend in to the surroundings. Be subtle."
Ritsuka was pretty sure the gaudy pink flying stick had a different idea of what subtle meant than he did, but played along and let himself be chivvied into his room. "So… why are we here?" He looked around for support and, to his slight panic, found it totally missing. "And why has Sapphire taken Mash into her room?"
Ruby wagged one wing at him. "Ah ah, no peeking now! You two look okay for day-to-day, but for something like this you will need to put a little effort in. That outfit is fine, but I think we can do better. Strip!"
Ritsuka crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm not comfortable with this."
"Let me put it this way…" Ruby said, trailing ominous pink sparkles. "You can get changed, or I'll change for you."
Ritsuka's shirt hit the floor. "I'll be good."
"Good boy…" purred Ruby. "Now, which of your shirts is the tightest?"
After several highly embarrassing minutes, Ruby pushed Ritsuka out the door of his room into the flat, just as Sapphire did the same with Mash opposite.
Ritsuka's jaw dropped.
It sounded a little harsh to say it, but he'd sort of gotten used to Mash as this quirky but adorable girl that he lived and worked with. He wasn't one to turn into a blushing mess at the thought of girls anyway – he'd never have survived back home if he were – but even beyond that Mash was just… Mash.
A large part of that, he was now realising, was that – like him – she wore largely the same thing day-to-day, and so he'd never given much thought to her appearance. She looked cute, of course, but that was because in his mind Mash = cute. He didn't look at her and go, 'wow, Mash really looks great today'.
Now, Mash stood there blushing in a white and blue gingham dress, with a sunshine yellow cardigan over the top. Ritsuka blinked and looked away, then looked back. No, that really was Mash, for once out of her comfy grey hoodie. And, he realised as his eyes drifted downwards before he could stop them, out of her tights as well.
Wow, Mash really looks great today, thought Rituska. And then, Oh shit.
Apparently, she was thinking something similar. Her eyes roamed up and down his figure, and her face got redder and redder.
Ritsuka thought he'd better say something before one of them exploded. He could do this. Talk about how much cooler she must feel without tights on! No, wait, was that weird? Dammit, he'd better think of something, because his mouth was opening, and like it or not something was coming out…
"Ah-haha, nice weather today. Nice and warm."
Dammit!
Mash met his helplessly embarrassed gaze with one of her own. No more words presented themselves, which was probably for the best.
"Perfect!" said Ruby. "Sapphire, we totally smashed this. These two are going to be adorable together. This date will go wonderfully."
"This what?"
"This hunt for the Card," put in Sapphire. "That is what Ruby said. Because we are professionals doing a professional job."
"Yeah, that."
The two sticks hovered innocently.
Ritsuka decided not to ask. In their own way, the Kaleidosticks seemed to be in a helpful mood. "Alright," he said. "Where to first?"
In response, Ruby emitted a startling whirring noise, then printed out a sheet of paper from… somewhere. Ritsuka didn't really want to know, but couldn't stop himself from peeking at the title. He got as far as '20 Great Date Ideas to Really Get Your Partner-' before Ruby held flicked it over to read and hid it from his view.
"Let's see… too boring, too expensive, for over-18's only… ah! Okay, first stop: Gough Square, for a Love Poetry Walk!"
Mash twiddled her fingers together, nervously. "Um, Ruby, I don't really see what that has to do with Card hunting…"
"It is simple, Miss Mash," said Sapphire. "Many great poets and artists ascended to the Throne of Heroes, and are prime candidates for being made into Cards. This tour is a perfect way to hit all points resonant to those Heroic Spirits in an efficient manner. Please, do not read any more into it."
"I don't know if I believe you…"
---
A couple of hours later, Mash and Ritsuka waved off the tour guide, having been walked round a route highlighting the poetic history of London, complete with readings of classic poetry.
"Well, that was a bust," Ritsuka said.
Mash nodded, but she didn't seem displeased. "Yes, but it was still very interesting! I'd read a lot of those poems before, but seeing the places they were talking about and learning the context made me really see them in a new light."
"I suppose." Ritsuka hadn't seen Mash this enthusiastic before, but it was another new side to his roommate he didn't regret seeing. "I didn't know you were into poetry. I'm not surprised, somehow – it suits you, Mash."
Mash blushed. "Oh, well, you know… I spent a lot of time with not much to do, so I read a lot of books when I was younger."
Now that they were finished with the tour, they wandered over to an alley, and opened their bags. Ruby and Sapphire came out, seeming quite excited.
"Well?" demanded Ruby.
"What do you mean, 'well'? You were the ones keeping an eye out for the Mirror world, weren't you?"
"Oh yeah, no, nothing. But forget that, what did you guys think? Any developments we should know about?"
Ritsuka and Mash looked at each other, totally lost.
Ruby put a wing to what counted as her face. "Ugh, you're hopeless. Oh well – Sapphire, what's next?"
Sapphire floated up, that piece of paper Ruby had printed out held in her butterfly wings. "Next is a walk around one of London's most famous and beautiful landmarks, St Paul's Cathedral. Stop by The Crypt for an atmospheric lunch, or stop by Artigiano's Espresso and Wine Bar for an authentic pick me up."
Uh-huh. Ritsuka could see where this was going, and narrowed his eyes. "Let me guess – this could be where any number of Saints or other holy Heroic Spirits could have chosen to hide themselves, and definitely isn't a prime date location?"
"Or any of the figures buried here," said Sapphire, not even sounding embarrassed. "The building has a long history, and is connected to a lot of figures who may have ascended to the Throne of Heroes."
… the annoying part was, she wasn't actually wrong. "Alright," Ritsuka said. "Come on, Mash. At least I know you're paying attention to the job we're meant to be doing."
"Yes, senpai!"
"Oh, you're both hopeless," muttered Ruby.
---
Lunch at St Paul's was delicious, if terribly overpriced even for London. Ritsuka had had a lovely day out so far, but so far hadn't gotten any closer to doing his actual job – there hadn't been any Class Cards around the cathedral.
"How was that, Mash?" he asked.
He'd managed to catch Mash with a mouthful of scone, and politely waited while she finished. "That was interesting as well, senpai. I often used to look out at all the buildings I could see, and wonder what was inside them. I'm glad I finally got to find out, for at least one."
"Were you not allowed outside or something?" Ritsuka was realising he didn't know all that much about Mash. Maybe it was the different setting, maybe it was the clothes, maybe he just thought it had gone on long enough, but while he didn't want to pry, he found himself wondering just how a sweet girl like Mash had gotten involved with something like the Clock Tower. "I'm sorry, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine, senpai. I was… um, well, I wasn't expected to live very long when I was younger, so I had a lot of doctors keeping an eye on me. They didn't want me to go outside and get sick, so I could only explore the world outside my window, and through books. But, just before you arrived, I was finally allowed outside! The Director thought I should be given the same opportunities as anyone else. I owe a lot to her and her family, so helping with the Chaldea project was the least I could do."
That explained a lot… while being very vague on the details. It was still better than Ritsuka had had before, and he took the information as the sign of trust that it was. "Thank you for telling me," he said seriously. "I hope you already know this, but I'm glad to have met you, Mash. Anything you need to tell me, I'll be here to listen – and anything you don't, I won't go digging."
Mash smiled, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you, senpai. I promise, I'm just a normal girl. I'm not trying to keep secrets from you. And… I'm glad I met you too."
Ritsuka smiled back, and tried to ignore the frantic 'squeeee' noise coming from his bag. He leaned down. "Shush, Ruby. People are going to notice."
"But… so cute… must… get pictures…"
"Later. Where's next?"
There was a rustling noise from the bag. "Um… let's see… ah! That's right, we booked you two a trip to the theatre! Super romantic, and not easy to get on short notice, let me tell you…"
Okay, now the sticks weren't even trying to be subtle. How was a trip to the theatre meant to help find the Class Cards? At least for these other destinations they'd been moving around, or hitting major landmarks that might conceivably attract a Heroic Spirit. This? He didn't think even the sticks could justify it.
"Sapphire? Explain why we should go along with this?" he asked, just in case.
"I apologise, Master Ritsuka. This was all Ruby's idea, and I take no responsibility for it. I think you should punish her, she's been slacking off all day."
While Ruby squawked in outrage about the totally expected backstabbing from her sister, Ritsuka mulled it over. The fact was, they had actually been working hard all day – or covering a lot of ground, which was basically the same thing. The Kaleidosticks were a couple of little shits, but he didn't think even they would outright ignore a Mirror World pocket if they really did encounter one.
…well, not again at any rate. They had more imagination than that.
And, well, maybe he was just in a good mood, but Ritsuka thought he deserved a pleasant night off. The theatre, huh…
"Sure," he said. "Sounds fun. Mash?"
"Looking forward to it, senpai!"
---
London's West End was, as usual, a hive of activity. This was the real tourist trap, where the billboards of Leicester Square gave way to the grand old buildings of Pall Mall, each flying the posters for the plays and musicals they were showing. Ticket scalpers hawked their wares on the corner, the air was filled with the smell of roasting peanuts, and theatre-goers milled every which way in the evening light.
"Which is the venue we're after again?" Ritsuka asked.
"Her Majesty's Theatre," Mash said, looking at her phone. "This way!"
They made their way through the crowd, cast their eyes about for the musical they were here to see. As the streets got wider, the people filled it all the more, and Ritsuka and Mash were forced closer and closer together. Ritsuka found he didn't mind. He stole a glance down at Mash, who seemed to have decided to hold onto his arm to stop herself being swept away. Her face was wide-yed with excitement, looking around the hustle and bustle in wonder. Ritsuka smiled, and led on…
… when he felt his bag buzz.
"Are you kidding me?" screeched Ruby. "Really? Now? We'd just got the mood going! Goddammit, of all the times for a Class Card to show up…"
Ritsuka stared flatly at his bag. "Really?" he said.
"Yes, really! Urgh, this is so annoying. It's definitely a Class Card, no doubt about it. I suppose we'd better suit up, or call it in, or something. Gah!"
Mash detached herself from his arm, and rummaged in her own bag for Sapphire.
Ritsuka looked around for a suitable spot to get Ruby out, and call the Director. This was it – Card number two, successfully found! Soon, he would find out just how well all his training and practice had served him.
But all the same, even if he wouldn't admit it, he couldn't help feeling just a little disappointed.
Chapter 6 - In which Mash's singing voice is better than Ritsuka's
- Location
- Probably at sea
Of course, part of being a soldier defending the earth in the name of friendship is that, eventually, you will be called upon to fight.
It's really dependent on what series as to how much of an inconvenience this is. Sometimes, you can get it done between grocery shopping and angsting over that mysterious young man with the top hat that keeps on showing up, and it's not much more strenuous than retrieving a kitten from up a tree.
Other times, it's a life-and-death struggle, that forces you to put yourself in mortal danger every day and wears at the soul and psyche.
Now, our intrepid heroes have sort of fallen on the unlucky end of the scale here, because they're having to face up against the shades of heroes who were really quite good at murderizing things in front of them. It's a good thing they've got the power of friendship on their side – to say nothing of the magical abominations that allow them to be heroes in the first place.
Usually, of course, they'd be able to pick up new powers as they went. Mid-season upgrades are also a staple of magical girl shows, after all. And usually, there wouldn't be a problem with this. As they defeat their foes in a logical scaling order, they gain the power to fight the next, and so on and so forth – the battles getting more and more lavish as the budget increases, until you reach the final episode and it all comes to a head in a riot of particle effects and they learn something about the necessity of fighting for what's right or not running away or whatever.
These two haven't been so lucky, unfortunately. Surely this time, though, they're due for a powerup?
Yeah…
Find out, in:
Against all odds, Ritsuka and Mash had managed to find a secluded spot in the West End of London – one that wasn't already occupied by people seeking pharmaceutical fun, gentlemen unfortunately sleeping rough or a gang of hardened London pigeons.
"We good?" said Ritsuka.
"Ready, senpai!"
"Alright, here goes." He cringed internally, but forced his next words out anyway. "Romantic hero of love and justice! Kaleido Garnet, set up!"
Behind him, facing the other way just in case, Mash started her own transformation sequence. "Eggplant hero of pluck and cinnamon rolls! …Sapphire, why…"
"Finish the chant, Miss Mash."
Mash's voice continued, utterly miserable. "Kaleido Amethyst, set up…"
Presently, the two wonderful magical heroes stood in the alley, amid wonderful magical discarded needles and shining lyrical dog turds.
Ritsuka held his phone up to his ear. "We're ready."
"Very good," came the Director's voice. "Now, be on your guard. We kind of got lucky with the Archer card, but odds are this one won't helpfully kill itself for you. Keep an eye out, look after each other, and retreat if you need to. Whichever Heroic Spirit this is, it's going to be a master of its particular specialty. And don't forget, you're authorised to use the Shielder Card as an Include if you have to." She paused. "Or I suppose the Archer Card, but, um, please don't."
Yeah, no, Ritsuka had no desire to combat-test the self-destruct button. "Got it," was all he said. Next to him, Mash nodded, resolutely.
"Good luck," said the Director. "Come back safe, kids." With that, she hung up, and they were on their own.
Ritsuka gripped Ruby by the haft, and took a deep breath. "Alright Ruby. Do the thing."
"Yes, Master! Adding imaginary numerical axis…"
A shimmering, iridescent hole in the world opened up beneath Ritsuka's feet, as Ruby for once got on with her job. Ritsuka wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to narrate what she was doing. It wasn't as if he knew what the 'Mirror World connections' actually were, or why they only needed to be inverted partially. Still, it seemed to make Ruby happy. And when Ritsuka's friends were happy, he was happy.
Soon, they stood in the silent Mirror World. It was eerily quiet here, with none of the traffic or general clamour of London. Ahead of them, the theatre stood, ominous in the evening gloom.
"Okay," Ritsuka said. "Ruby, scan the area, see if we can pick up a signature. Mash, probably best to-"
A massive, cross-shaped shield thunked into the ground. "Way ahead of you, senpai!"
Ritsuka smiled at his partner, who'd perfectly guessed what he was going to suggest. "Have I mentioned you're the best? Because you totally are."
Mash blushed, which rather ruined her game face. "Not the time, senpai!"
They approached the theatre. The doors were open, just as they were in the real world, and without any door attendants to stop them Mash and Ritsuka walked right in – Mash leading the way with her shield, and Ritsuka following on her heels.
The lobby was one of those sweeping grand affairs, with staircases all over the place leading to different sections of the stands. There was gold ornamentation on pretty much everything – pretty gaudy, in Ritsuka's opinion – and posters and merchandise for the play being shown there.
There was a distinct lack of any Heroic Spirits.
"Any results from that scan, Ruby?" Ritsuka asked, trying to keep the tension out of his voice.
"Nothing, Master."
"Ruby, if you're messing around again…"
The stick wiggled in indignation in his hand. "Who, me? Never! Sure, I might enjoy a giggle every now and then. But I'd never let a gag get in the way of the mission."
Ritsuka stroked Ruby with his fingers, earning a disturbing squeal of pleasure. "Glad to hear it. So, what, this Mirror World pocket is empty?"
"Sorry, Master, no such luck. My guess is we're dealing with Assassin. Raising shields to maximum, focusing physical enhancement on constitution and poison resistance."
Yikes. Ritsuka looked around nervously. The lobby was brightly lit, but there were still shadows everywhere – now, he caught himself imagining glimpses of movement in each and every one. And while he was immensely grateful for Ruby's foresight in protecting him from a poisoned dagger in the back… he kind of wished she'd just got on with it and not brought it up.
His knees shook, and his fingers were slippery with sweat on Ruby's smooth haft. This was way, way worse than just arriving at the Archer card with a superweapon already aimed at you. Then, there had been no time for what he'd been doing to sink in, only to react – and by the time he knew what was happening it was all over. Now, he had to force himself to step further and further into danger.
But, up ahead, was his partner. Maybe Mash was just as nervous inside, but she didn't show it – she took the lead, peering round her shield, ever-ready to protect him from anything that came their way.
And that made it simple. What was he going to do, leave his best friend behind?
Ritsuka stepped up behind Mash, and they made their way further into the theatre.
"Where to?" he asked in a whisper. "Backstage? The galleries?"
Mash hummed in thought. "I guess… the stalls? You know, the flat bit, in the main auditorium? If this is the Assassin Card, there'd be fewer places for them to hide or sneak up on us. We should avoid the stage itself, though. It's the most open part of the whole building, and they could come from anywhere – left, right, from backstage, from above, even from below depending on how the stage is set up."
For someone so sheltered, Mash really did know an awful lot about a weird variety of things.
But the idea was a good one, so they steadily crept into the theatre.
The place was about what they would expect – a stage, the rows of seats, and not one but two tiers of balconies for extra seating, in a half-circle around the edge of the auditorium. A grand chandelier dangled from the centre of the ceiling, lighting up the area.
Behind the stage was a massive, Gothic-looking organ, which Ritsuka assumed was some kind of set piece. Were those skulls on it?
Again, no Heroic Spirits seemed in a hurry to announce themselves.
…Ritsuka was going to feel really silly if his report to the Director came down to 'we entered the Mirror World, but the Card just hid from us until we gave up'.
"Ruby, you're sure there's something here?"
"Well, I can't actually sense anything… but there wouldn't be a Mirror World pocket without a Card to create it! It's just playing hard to get."
Ritsuka considered this. "So, as the expert in making people want to attack you, what do you suggest we do?"
"Oh, Master, you're such a kidder… why don't you get up on that stage if you're such a big comedian all of a sudden…"
Yes. Kidding was definitely what Ritsuka had been doing. But, come to think of it…
He tapped Mash on the shoulder, and motioned for her to follow. Then, he strode confidently down the aisle, and climbed the steps that led up to the stage.
"What are you doing, senpai?" said Mash, a little frantically. "We were going to avoid the stage, remember?"
"I have an idea," said Ritsuka. "There's got to be a reason this Heroic Spirit chose this particular place. It's got to be connected with the theatre somehow. Well, what kind of play interferes with the audience? Assassin – or whoever – was never going to show their face while we stayed in the seats. But now we're onstage…"
He paced to the centre, and threw back his cape dramatically. Was it his imagination, or did he feel eyes on him?
"…we're fair game."
He grinned, looking out at the auditorium with a confidence he didn't really feel. Yikes, was he glad the audience hadn't come with them to the Mirror World, or he would be crapping his pants right now.
Now that he was onstage, what should he do? Crap, crap, he was always useless at talent shows…
Well, if Ruby thought being a comedian would work… why not?
"So, I sold my vacuum cleaner today," he began. "It was just collecting dust."
Calling it comedy was probably really stretching the definition of Ritsuka's repertoire, though.
No knives ripped at him from the darkness, no matter how much he probably deserved it, so he tried again. "Of course, it doesn't help that recently I've been really getting into standing in a corner and blowing all that dust around. Have you tried it? I'm a big fan."
Ruby writhed in his grip, apparently embarrassed to be seen on stage anywhere near him. He stole a glance to the side. Sapphire had gone perfectly rigid and straight, and seemed to be pretending not to even be sapient. Even Mash's smile was strained. One last go. He was a funny guy! His harem had told him so!
"I used the money from the vacuum to buy my flatmate a new fridge as a present. I wasn't sure she'd like it, but then she opened it and her face lit up."
"Senpai, I love you dearly, but-"
"Shutting up now."
Okay, comedy didn't work. He wasn't much of a dancer, either, but he did his best, shuffling across the stage like a drunk zombie.
"Aaand… jazz hands." He wiggled his wrists in the direction of the audience.
Still nothing. Fair enough. Ritsuka's dancing was less stage and more disco. He wouldn't have bothered with him either.
Which left singing, he supposed.
He opened his mouth.
"I'm Henry the Eighth I am-"
"AAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAA."
Ritsuka broke off as a second voice began singing over him. It was a rich baritone, deep and chocolatey. When he stopped, it faded into ringing echoes that bounced oddly around the auditorium, making their source impossible to track. He exchanged a look with Mash, and tapped an ear.
"Henry the Eighth I am I am-"
"AAAAAAAA."
Once again, as soon as he began singing, he was drowned out – as soon as he stopped, the second voice did as well. He looked at Mash, who shrugged in confusion.
Hmm. Was it just his voice?
"Mash, you try," he said. "I'm just throwing ideas at the wall here to see what sticks, but maybe it'd prefer a woman's voice? Or, alternatively, really, really hate it?"
Mash nodded, and came up to join him in centre stage. Ritsuka listened carefully, but kept an eye on his partner.
"I… don't really know what to sing…" she said. "But, since we're here…"
She faced the 'audience' and opened her mouth.
"In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me
And speaks my name…"
This time, there was no voice drowning her out – instead, a soft humming, below Mash's voice and supporting it, coaching it.
And in a burst of inspiration, Ritsuka thought he knew exactly which Heroic Spirit this was. And even better, he knew exactly how to enrage it into attacking him. He waited, picking his moment while Mash sang.
"And do I dream again?
For now I find…"
"I'M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM-" Ritsuka yelled, as loud and tuneless as he could manage, completely ruining Mash's verse.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" came the outraged reply – and from the rafters, a figure with talons the size of small swords dove at Ritsuka.
He rolled out of the way, and ten blades pierced the stage where he'd been standing. Mash broke off with a squeak as the figure unfolded itself.
The Assassin Card – presumably – was a tall figure in fine operatic dress. A black cloak hung in tatters from its shoulders, and while half its face was a handsome human man's, the other half was a grinning devil's, with a black pit for an eye. Its fingers had been replaced with long, bloody blades, and these it pulled from the floor with a scraping sound.
Oh, okay. Ritsuka had been expecting a Heroic Spirit, but a horror movie monster was fine too, he supposed.
The Assassin Card looked between Ritsuka and Mash. Then, after a moment, it reached out towards Mash, in a beckoning gesture, and sang.
"Aaa."
It was such a bizarre thing to do, that Ritsuka couldn't do more than stare for a moment. Was… was it trying to perform a duet?
The Card paced back and forth, as though onstage – well, it was onstage, after all – and gestured once more towards Mash.
"Aaaaaaaaa."
Ritsuka frowned. This wasn't exactly part of the script. He'd been expecting a fight, not… whatever this was. He glanced sideways – and saw Mash transfixed, staring at the Card, the shield held limply in her hand.
Slowly, hesitantly, she opened her mouth. "…aah…?"
The Card reacted in delight, a sick smile spreading over the human half of its face. Slowly, it paced towards Mash, still beckoning with its knifelike fingers and singing in a strange, wordless call.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaa…"
"…ah…"
Mash seemed to be in some kind of trance, unable to look away from the advancing Card. Ritsuka thought quickly, and charged up a quick shot with Ruby. Pink light shot forth from the stick – not a powerful blast, but not something to be ignored either.
The Assassin Card simply pivoted around it, as though it was the next step in a dance, and continued its approach on Mash, fingers clicking together.
Dammit. Whatever spirit this was, it was quick. Just attacking it wasn't going to work. He needed to distract it, get it to focus on him. Unfortunately, he was fairly sure what would do it. He was pretty sure this next move would get him attacked, but it was better than leaving Mash to whatever this monster had planned for her.
"Aaaaaaa…"
"…aaa…"
"I'M HENRY THE-"
Just as he predicted, as soon as he began singing over Mash, the Card's face contorted in rage. It lunged at him, knives flashing. Ritsuka dodged sideways, never more grateful for Ruby's physical enhancements than he was now.
And, as he did so, he aimed Ruby at Mash and fired off the weakest blast he could manage at his friend.
He didn't have time to see if it hit or not, because the Card was on him. While it was calm, it moved like a dancer on stage. When angry, it moved in a jerking, skipping motion, like a puppet with a couple of strings cut – and so fast he could hardly track it.
Ritsuka skipped backwards, charging up another blast, which quickly grew into a pink orb the size of an apple at Ruby's tip. He swung it up and fired – but the Card was inside his guard and tapped Ruby to one side, making Ritsuka's shot fly wide. This close, it couldn't bring its long blades to bear, so it shoulder checked him.
It was like being hit by a truck, and Ritsuka went sprawling.
He looked up where the Card had been – and found nothing. Frantically, he looked around, and just managed to catch a glimpse of dark cloak behind him.
He turned, readying another shot, but knew it was far too late. The claws closed in.
Ritsuka flinched – and the claws were stopped an inch from his eye by a thin pink shield, no thicker than a soap bubble. Behind it, the Assassin Card howled in frustration.
"Thanks, Ruby!"
"Don't thank me yet! Your personal protection isn't strong enough to take another hit like that!"
No kidding – even as Ritsuka watched, the flimsy plane of magic was crumbling, the tips of the blades starting to poke through. The Card retreated with a flourish, holding its claws like a fencer's sabre – then disappeared.
"Wha-"
Ritsuka had just enough time to notice a flicker of motion above him, before the Assassin Card came down on him out of nowhere. He half-dodged, half-fell to one side, and knew even before he landed that he wasn't going to be quick enough to get out of the way of the Card's follow up. It flew at him…
…and was stopped by a familiar shield, claws bouncing off with a clang.
"Mash!"
"Sorry for taking so long! Your shot woke me up, and I was able to use Sapphire to cancel the rest of that thing's influence." Mash readied her shield, standing resolutely between Ritsuka and the Card. "Let's beat this thing together, senpai!"
Ritsuka didn't need to be told twice, and had in fact been charging a cluster of shots ever since Mash had saved him. He stepped out from behind Mash and fired, a scattered blast as if from a shotgun.
This time, the Card couldn't dodge them all. One pink bolt slammed into its chest and knocked it backwards. It came up in a roll, but didn't move. Slowly, it raised its head.
The Card's expression was one of unimaginable betrayal and sadness. It reached out, forlornly, towards Mash.
"Aaah?"
Mash slammed the shield down on stage. "No aaah."
As they watched, the Card's face slipped from confusion, to loss, to pure rage. Its human side distorted in a furious grimace, until it was almost indistinguishable from the monster side. It backed off, holding its head in its hands, until it was at the rear of the stage, just in front of the giant Gothic organ.
It seemed to ignore Mash and Ritsuka, instead busy pantomiming its tragedy to an invisible audience. It clawed at its own face, sank to its knees, thrashed around, and in general was the picture of misery.
Ritsuka didn't like it. Admittedly, the Card had been acting weird ever since it showed up, but now it seemed genuinely upset. In the 'play' of its existence, it seemed to be building to some kind of climax.
"Mash," he said. "Be ready. I think it's trying to pull something."
Mash nodded, holding the shield ready.
"Let me guess," said Ritsuka. "Your next line is 'aaaa'."
The Card made one last silent entreaty to the gods for how its soul was put through such torment, then said, "Christine, Christine..."
"Uh-oh."
The organ behind the Card started sounding, a discordant, horrific racket, growing in volume. Worse, it began glowing, a sickly crimson glow. Ritsuka began to make out details he really wished he couldn't about the thing.
It was made of people. Ritsuka stared in horror.
"It's a Noble Phantasm!" said Ruby, frantic. "I don't know what it's doing, just block it!"
The shrieking, clashing organ rose to a crescendo – and a blast of magical power exploded forth from it. The stage floor ripped itself to shreds, splinters and shrapnel flying everywhere. The wave of destruction raced towards Ritsuka…
… and never got near him.
"Lord Camelot!"
Mash slammed her shield down on the stage once more – and a ghostly castle wall spread out from it, covering her and Ritsuka completely.
The Card's wave of sound and magic broke on the wall without so much as ruffling Ritsuka and Mash's hair. For long moments they went to war, and chaos reigned in the theatre. Ritsuka wondered just where Mash was pulling all of this power from. Sure, the Shielder Card provided the shape, but didn't Mash still have to power it herself?
But Mash stood firm, and in the end it was the Assassin Card who began to falter. Holes began to appear in the wildly lashing energy.
"Now, senpai!"
RItsuka didn't need to be told twice. He'd been gathering energy ever since the Assassin Card had started acting oddly, on the principle that having more available was always going to be better than not.
And now, he knew exactly what he wanted to do with it.
He bent his legs – then leapt up, over the wall created by the Shielder Card. At the apex of his jump, he aimed Ruby at the Assassin Card… and fired.
Not a round orb this time, not a simple directional blast. Ritsuka had been wondering how he could make his tiny weak blasts do anything to a Heroic Spirit, and he could only come up with two concepts that might help.
Sharp. Fast.
He hadn't quite got the hang of doing it at a moments notice – but with some time to focus, he'd managed some quite impressive results.
Now, he directed part of the power into forming a semi-solid thorn, only an inch across and wickedly sharp. At this size, it was fairly easy to reinforce. The rest of the power he'd gathered?
All of that went into speed.
A pink arrow lanced forward from Ruby's tip, and wove through the gaps in the storm of magic – straight into the Assassin Card's heart.
The sound of its Noble Phantasm went wild for an instant, an awful screeching, tearing noise that had Ritsuka clap his hands over his ears. And then, as if it had always meant to, it resolved itself into a grand final chord that shook the dust from the rafters, and ended as suddenly as if a professional conductor had cut it off.
The Assassin Card collapsed.
Ritsuka landed on his feet, and threw back his cape.
He half expected riotous applause. It felt like that sort of moment.
Mash's quiet "yay!" from behind him was just as good, though.
Ritsuka walked forward, to the downed figure. As he watched, it began burning with crimson flames, and disappeared, leaving a small card where it had been. He picked it up.
"It's over now, the music of the night…" murmured Mash. "Well done, senpai! I knew you could do it."
Around them, the theatre started cracking – it looked like the Card couldn't provide the power to sustain the Mirror World pocket once it had been sealed. Probably for the best, to be honest. The Assassin Card's attack had left it in a bit of state, with half the stage pristine thanks to Mash's protection and the other half in tatters.
"Ruby, is that a problem?" Ritsuka asked, pointing at the spreading cracks. "We're not going to be stuck in some kind of horrible abyss if we don't get out before the Mirror World collapses, are we?"
"You know, I don't actually know!" said Ruby, a little too chirpy. "It'd be interesting to test. Well, probably not for you, Master."
"Okay, we're getting out of here," decided Ritsuka. "Mash, want to do the honours?"
Mash nodded, and shield in her hands changed back into Sapphire. She raised the stick, and that same iridescent magical circle appeared, spreading out from where she stood.
"Removing imaginary numerical axis..." said Sapphire.
Well, thought Ritsuka. That was that. It had been dicey for a moment there, but they'd managed their first real battle against the Card. Already he could think of a couple of improvements to the way he did things – for example, his physical enhancement had been a lot more effective at keeping him out of trouble than his shields were.
That was for later, though. For now, he went to stand next to Mash, and smiled at his friend as she took them back to the real world.
"Okay," said Olga Marie Animusphere, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Explain this to me."
She slapped a photograph down on her desk. It showed Ritsuka and Mash in their respective fetish outfits, sprinting out of frame and trying to cover their heads with their hands.
"Well," started Ritsuka. "We'd just defeated the Assassin Card, and kind of got caught up in the moment. So, we forgot that when we returned to the real world, we'd be exactly where we left the Mirror World."
"Which was onstage at Her Majesty's Theatre, during the evening performance of Phantom of the Opera, average audience one thousand two hundred people," said the Director.
"Yes."
"And rather than try to play it off and disappear, you then decided to attack the lead actor."
"We thought he'd come back to life for one last attack," said Mash sheepishly. "That sort of thing happens a lot in opera."
Olga Marie breathed out heavily. "And rather than make good your escape in the confusion once you realised your mistake, you decided to yell 'By Jove, Kaleido Amethyst, I think we're in the wrong play!', and draw all the attention back onto yourselves before finally trying to remove yourselves from the situation."
"Yeah, sorry, I was panicking a bit at that point," Ritsuka said. "But I think you're making too much of it. Would I choose to do it? No. Do I wish it hadn't happened? Yes. Would I do it differently next time? Yes. Did the stage fright make it worse? Ye-"
"Rambling, senpai."
"Shutting up now."
The Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation groaned, putting her head in her hands. "You two. My hair never used to be white, you know? You two did this to me."
Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look. Mash shook her head, indicating that the Director was exaggerating again.
At least, he hoped so.
Olga Marie went on. "The only fortunate things to come out of this are that you did, in fact, manage to retrieve the Assassin Card, and that no magus is likely to ever find out that this happened."
"Because you're suppressing the information?" asked Mash, leaning forward. "As expected of the aristocracy! Well done, Director!"
"No… because no magus follows musical theatre of all things. It's a bit… common, you see. If you'd decided to rematerialize at an opera, we'd have been in trouble." Olga Marie sighed. "I suppose the only thing we can do is just deny any rumours and wait for this to blow over. In the meantime… good work, both of you. From the sounds of things, it was a difficult fight. At least tell me the Assassin Card had a Noble Phantasm that might be useful in subduing the others?"
"Well…"
Images of that enormous pipe organ flashed through Ritsuka's head. It was not what he would have called portable.
Olga Marie didn't cry, but she looked like she wanted to. "I see. Thank you. Please leave."
They left, Mash stopping to pat the Director on the head as they did so.
It's really dependent on what series as to how much of an inconvenience this is. Sometimes, you can get it done between grocery shopping and angsting over that mysterious young man with the top hat that keeps on showing up, and it's not much more strenuous than retrieving a kitten from up a tree.
Other times, it's a life-and-death struggle, that forces you to put yourself in mortal danger every day and wears at the soul and psyche.
Now, our intrepid heroes have sort of fallen on the unlucky end of the scale here, because they're having to face up against the shades of heroes who were really quite good at murderizing things in front of them. It's a good thing they've got the power of friendship on their side – to say nothing of the magical abominations that allow them to be heroes in the first place.
Usually, of course, they'd be able to pick up new powers as they went. Mid-season upgrades are also a staple of magical girl shows, after all. And usually, there wouldn't be a problem with this. As they defeat their foes in a logical scaling order, they gain the power to fight the next, and so on and so forth – the battles getting more and more lavish as the budget increases, until you reach the final episode and it all comes to a head in a riot of particle effects and they learn something about the necessity of fighting for what's right or not running away or whatever.
These two haven't been so lucky, unfortunately. Surely this time, though, they're due for a powerup?
Yeah…
Find out, in:
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Six – In which Mash's singing voice is better than Ritsuka's
---
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter Six – In which Mash's singing voice is better than Ritsuka's
---
Against all odds, Ritsuka and Mash had managed to find a secluded spot in the West End of London – one that wasn't already occupied by people seeking pharmaceutical fun, gentlemen unfortunately sleeping rough or a gang of hardened London pigeons.
"We good?" said Ritsuka.
"Ready, senpai!"
"Alright, here goes." He cringed internally, but forced his next words out anyway. "Romantic hero of love and justice! Kaleido Garnet, set up!"
Behind him, facing the other way just in case, Mash started her own transformation sequence. "Eggplant hero of pluck and cinnamon rolls! …Sapphire, why…"
"Finish the chant, Miss Mash."
Mash's voice continued, utterly miserable. "Kaleido Amethyst, set up…"
Presently, the two wonderful magical heroes stood in the alley, amid wonderful magical discarded needles and shining lyrical dog turds.
Ritsuka held his phone up to his ear. "We're ready."
"Very good," came the Director's voice. "Now, be on your guard. We kind of got lucky with the Archer card, but odds are this one won't helpfully kill itself for you. Keep an eye out, look after each other, and retreat if you need to. Whichever Heroic Spirit this is, it's going to be a master of its particular specialty. And don't forget, you're authorised to use the Shielder Card as an Include if you have to." She paused. "Or I suppose the Archer Card, but, um, please don't."
Yeah, no, Ritsuka had no desire to combat-test the self-destruct button. "Got it," was all he said. Next to him, Mash nodded, resolutely.
"Good luck," said the Director. "Come back safe, kids." With that, she hung up, and they were on their own.
Ritsuka gripped Ruby by the haft, and took a deep breath. "Alright Ruby. Do the thing."
"Yes, Master! Adding imaginary numerical axis…"
A shimmering, iridescent hole in the world opened up beneath Ritsuka's feet, as Ruby for once got on with her job. Ritsuka wasn't quite sure why she felt the need to narrate what she was doing. It wasn't as if he knew what the 'Mirror World connections' actually were, or why they only needed to be inverted partially. Still, it seemed to make Ruby happy. And when Ritsuka's friends were happy, he was happy.
Soon, they stood in the silent Mirror World. It was eerily quiet here, with none of the traffic or general clamour of London. Ahead of them, the theatre stood, ominous in the evening gloom.
"Okay," Ritsuka said. "Ruby, scan the area, see if we can pick up a signature. Mash, probably best to-"
A massive, cross-shaped shield thunked into the ground. "Way ahead of you, senpai!"
Ritsuka smiled at his partner, who'd perfectly guessed what he was going to suggest. "Have I mentioned you're the best? Because you totally are."
Mash blushed, which rather ruined her game face. "Not the time, senpai!"
They approached the theatre. The doors were open, just as they were in the real world, and without any door attendants to stop them Mash and Ritsuka walked right in – Mash leading the way with her shield, and Ritsuka following on her heels.
The lobby was one of those sweeping grand affairs, with staircases all over the place leading to different sections of the stands. There was gold ornamentation on pretty much everything – pretty gaudy, in Ritsuka's opinion – and posters and merchandise for the play being shown there.
There was a distinct lack of any Heroic Spirits.
"Any results from that scan, Ruby?" Ritsuka asked, trying to keep the tension out of his voice.
"Nothing, Master."
"Ruby, if you're messing around again…"
The stick wiggled in indignation in his hand. "Who, me? Never! Sure, I might enjoy a giggle every now and then. But I'd never let a gag get in the way of the mission."
Ritsuka stroked Ruby with his fingers, earning a disturbing squeal of pleasure. "Glad to hear it. So, what, this Mirror World pocket is empty?"
"Sorry, Master, no such luck. My guess is we're dealing with Assassin. Raising shields to maximum, focusing physical enhancement on constitution and poison resistance."
Yikes. Ritsuka looked around nervously. The lobby was brightly lit, but there were still shadows everywhere – now, he caught himself imagining glimpses of movement in each and every one. And while he was immensely grateful for Ruby's foresight in protecting him from a poisoned dagger in the back… he kind of wished she'd just got on with it and not brought it up.
His knees shook, and his fingers were slippery with sweat on Ruby's smooth haft. This was way, way worse than just arriving at the Archer card with a superweapon already aimed at you. Then, there had been no time for what he'd been doing to sink in, only to react – and by the time he knew what was happening it was all over. Now, he had to force himself to step further and further into danger.
But, up ahead, was his partner. Maybe Mash was just as nervous inside, but she didn't show it – she took the lead, peering round her shield, ever-ready to protect him from anything that came their way.
And that made it simple. What was he going to do, leave his best friend behind?
Ritsuka stepped up behind Mash, and they made their way further into the theatre.
"Where to?" he asked in a whisper. "Backstage? The galleries?"
Mash hummed in thought. "I guess… the stalls? You know, the flat bit, in the main auditorium? If this is the Assassin Card, there'd be fewer places for them to hide or sneak up on us. We should avoid the stage itself, though. It's the most open part of the whole building, and they could come from anywhere – left, right, from backstage, from above, even from below depending on how the stage is set up."
For someone so sheltered, Mash really did know an awful lot about a weird variety of things.
But the idea was a good one, so they steadily crept into the theatre.
The place was about what they would expect – a stage, the rows of seats, and not one but two tiers of balconies for extra seating, in a half-circle around the edge of the auditorium. A grand chandelier dangled from the centre of the ceiling, lighting up the area.
Behind the stage was a massive, Gothic-looking organ, which Ritsuka assumed was some kind of set piece. Were those skulls on it?
Again, no Heroic Spirits seemed in a hurry to announce themselves.
…Ritsuka was going to feel really silly if his report to the Director came down to 'we entered the Mirror World, but the Card just hid from us until we gave up'.
"Ruby, you're sure there's something here?"
"Well, I can't actually sense anything… but there wouldn't be a Mirror World pocket without a Card to create it! It's just playing hard to get."
Ritsuka considered this. "So, as the expert in making people want to attack you, what do you suggest we do?"
"Oh, Master, you're such a kidder… why don't you get up on that stage if you're such a big comedian all of a sudden…"
Yes. Kidding was definitely what Ritsuka had been doing. But, come to think of it…
He tapped Mash on the shoulder, and motioned for her to follow. Then, he strode confidently down the aisle, and climbed the steps that led up to the stage.
"What are you doing, senpai?" said Mash, a little frantically. "We were going to avoid the stage, remember?"
"I have an idea," said Ritsuka. "There's got to be a reason this Heroic Spirit chose this particular place. It's got to be connected with the theatre somehow. Well, what kind of play interferes with the audience? Assassin – or whoever – was never going to show their face while we stayed in the seats. But now we're onstage…"
He paced to the centre, and threw back his cape dramatically. Was it his imagination, or did he feel eyes on him?
"…we're fair game."
He grinned, looking out at the auditorium with a confidence he didn't really feel. Yikes, was he glad the audience hadn't come with them to the Mirror World, or he would be crapping his pants right now.
Now that he was onstage, what should he do? Crap, crap, he was always useless at talent shows…
Well, if Ruby thought being a comedian would work… why not?
"So, I sold my vacuum cleaner today," he began. "It was just collecting dust."
Calling it comedy was probably really stretching the definition of Ritsuka's repertoire, though.
No knives ripped at him from the darkness, no matter how much he probably deserved it, so he tried again. "Of course, it doesn't help that recently I've been really getting into standing in a corner and blowing all that dust around. Have you tried it? I'm a big fan."
Ruby writhed in his grip, apparently embarrassed to be seen on stage anywhere near him. He stole a glance to the side. Sapphire had gone perfectly rigid and straight, and seemed to be pretending not to even be sapient. Even Mash's smile was strained. One last go. He was a funny guy! His harem had told him so!
"I used the money from the vacuum to buy my flatmate a new fridge as a present. I wasn't sure she'd like it, but then she opened it and her face lit up."
"Senpai, I love you dearly, but-"
"Shutting up now."
Okay, comedy didn't work. He wasn't much of a dancer, either, but he did his best, shuffling across the stage like a drunk zombie.
"Aaand… jazz hands." He wiggled his wrists in the direction of the audience.
Still nothing. Fair enough. Ritsuka's dancing was less stage and more disco. He wouldn't have bothered with him either.
Which left singing, he supposed.
He opened his mouth.
"I'm Henry the Eighth I am-"
"AAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAA."
Ritsuka broke off as a second voice began singing over him. It was a rich baritone, deep and chocolatey. When he stopped, it faded into ringing echoes that bounced oddly around the auditorium, making their source impossible to track. He exchanged a look with Mash, and tapped an ear.
"Henry the Eighth I am I am-"
"AAAAAAAA."
Once again, as soon as he began singing, he was drowned out – as soon as he stopped, the second voice did as well. He looked at Mash, who shrugged in confusion.
Hmm. Was it just his voice?
"Mash, you try," he said. "I'm just throwing ideas at the wall here to see what sticks, but maybe it'd prefer a woman's voice? Or, alternatively, really, really hate it?"
Mash nodded, and came up to join him in centre stage. Ritsuka listened carefully, but kept an eye on his partner.
"I… don't really know what to sing…" she said. "But, since we're here…"
She faced the 'audience' and opened her mouth.
"In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me
And speaks my name…"
This time, there was no voice drowning her out – instead, a soft humming, below Mash's voice and supporting it, coaching it.
And in a burst of inspiration, Ritsuka thought he knew exactly which Heroic Spirit this was. And even better, he knew exactly how to enrage it into attacking him. He waited, picking his moment while Mash sang.
"And do I dream again?
For now I find…"
"I'M HENRY THE EIGHTH I AM-" Ritsuka yelled, as loud and tuneless as he could manage, completely ruining Mash's verse.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" came the outraged reply – and from the rafters, a figure with talons the size of small swords dove at Ritsuka.
He rolled out of the way, and ten blades pierced the stage where he'd been standing. Mash broke off with a squeak as the figure unfolded itself.
The Assassin Card – presumably – was a tall figure in fine operatic dress. A black cloak hung in tatters from its shoulders, and while half its face was a handsome human man's, the other half was a grinning devil's, with a black pit for an eye. Its fingers had been replaced with long, bloody blades, and these it pulled from the floor with a scraping sound.
Oh, okay. Ritsuka had been expecting a Heroic Spirit, but a horror movie monster was fine too, he supposed.
The Assassin Card looked between Ritsuka and Mash. Then, after a moment, it reached out towards Mash, in a beckoning gesture, and sang.
"Aaa."
It was such a bizarre thing to do, that Ritsuka couldn't do more than stare for a moment. Was… was it trying to perform a duet?
The Card paced back and forth, as though onstage – well, it was onstage, after all – and gestured once more towards Mash.
"Aaaaaaaaa."
Ritsuka frowned. This wasn't exactly part of the script. He'd been expecting a fight, not… whatever this was. He glanced sideways – and saw Mash transfixed, staring at the Card, the shield held limply in her hand.
Slowly, hesitantly, she opened her mouth. "…aah…?"
The Card reacted in delight, a sick smile spreading over the human half of its face. Slowly, it paced towards Mash, still beckoning with its knifelike fingers and singing in a strange, wordless call.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaa…"
"…ah…"
Mash seemed to be in some kind of trance, unable to look away from the advancing Card. Ritsuka thought quickly, and charged up a quick shot with Ruby. Pink light shot forth from the stick – not a powerful blast, but not something to be ignored either.
The Assassin Card simply pivoted around it, as though it was the next step in a dance, and continued its approach on Mash, fingers clicking together.
Dammit. Whatever spirit this was, it was quick. Just attacking it wasn't going to work. He needed to distract it, get it to focus on him. Unfortunately, he was fairly sure what would do it. He was pretty sure this next move would get him attacked, but it was better than leaving Mash to whatever this monster had planned for her.
"Aaaaaaa…"
"…aaa…"
"I'M HENRY THE-"
Just as he predicted, as soon as he began singing over Mash, the Card's face contorted in rage. It lunged at him, knives flashing. Ritsuka dodged sideways, never more grateful for Ruby's physical enhancements than he was now.
And, as he did so, he aimed Ruby at Mash and fired off the weakest blast he could manage at his friend.
He didn't have time to see if it hit or not, because the Card was on him. While it was calm, it moved like a dancer on stage. When angry, it moved in a jerking, skipping motion, like a puppet with a couple of strings cut – and so fast he could hardly track it.
Ritsuka skipped backwards, charging up another blast, which quickly grew into a pink orb the size of an apple at Ruby's tip. He swung it up and fired – but the Card was inside his guard and tapped Ruby to one side, making Ritsuka's shot fly wide. This close, it couldn't bring its long blades to bear, so it shoulder checked him.
It was like being hit by a truck, and Ritsuka went sprawling.
He looked up where the Card had been – and found nothing. Frantically, he looked around, and just managed to catch a glimpse of dark cloak behind him.
He turned, readying another shot, but knew it was far too late. The claws closed in.
Ritsuka flinched – and the claws were stopped an inch from his eye by a thin pink shield, no thicker than a soap bubble. Behind it, the Assassin Card howled in frustration.
"Thanks, Ruby!"
"Don't thank me yet! Your personal protection isn't strong enough to take another hit like that!"
No kidding – even as Ritsuka watched, the flimsy plane of magic was crumbling, the tips of the blades starting to poke through. The Card retreated with a flourish, holding its claws like a fencer's sabre – then disappeared.
"Wha-"
Ritsuka had just enough time to notice a flicker of motion above him, before the Assassin Card came down on him out of nowhere. He half-dodged, half-fell to one side, and knew even before he landed that he wasn't going to be quick enough to get out of the way of the Card's follow up. It flew at him…
…and was stopped by a familiar shield, claws bouncing off with a clang.
"Mash!"
"Sorry for taking so long! Your shot woke me up, and I was able to use Sapphire to cancel the rest of that thing's influence." Mash readied her shield, standing resolutely between Ritsuka and the Card. "Let's beat this thing together, senpai!"
Ritsuka didn't need to be told twice, and had in fact been charging a cluster of shots ever since Mash had saved him. He stepped out from behind Mash and fired, a scattered blast as if from a shotgun.
This time, the Card couldn't dodge them all. One pink bolt slammed into its chest and knocked it backwards. It came up in a roll, but didn't move. Slowly, it raised its head.
The Card's expression was one of unimaginable betrayal and sadness. It reached out, forlornly, towards Mash.
"Aaah?"
Mash slammed the shield down on stage. "No aaah."
As they watched, the Card's face slipped from confusion, to loss, to pure rage. Its human side distorted in a furious grimace, until it was almost indistinguishable from the monster side. It backed off, holding its head in its hands, until it was at the rear of the stage, just in front of the giant Gothic organ.
It seemed to ignore Mash and Ritsuka, instead busy pantomiming its tragedy to an invisible audience. It clawed at its own face, sank to its knees, thrashed around, and in general was the picture of misery.
Ritsuka didn't like it. Admittedly, the Card had been acting weird ever since it showed up, but now it seemed genuinely upset. In the 'play' of its existence, it seemed to be building to some kind of climax.
"Mash," he said. "Be ready. I think it's trying to pull something."
Mash nodded, holding the shield ready.
"Let me guess," said Ritsuka. "Your next line is 'aaaa'."
The Card made one last silent entreaty to the gods for how its soul was put through such torment, then said, "Christine, Christine..."
"Uh-oh."
The organ behind the Card started sounding, a discordant, horrific racket, growing in volume. Worse, it began glowing, a sickly crimson glow. Ritsuka began to make out details he really wished he couldn't about the thing.
It was made of people. Ritsuka stared in horror.
"It's a Noble Phantasm!" said Ruby, frantic. "I don't know what it's doing, just block it!"
The shrieking, clashing organ rose to a crescendo – and a blast of magical power exploded forth from it. The stage floor ripped itself to shreds, splinters and shrapnel flying everywhere. The wave of destruction raced towards Ritsuka…
… and never got near him.
"Lord Camelot!"
Mash slammed her shield down on the stage once more – and a ghostly castle wall spread out from it, covering her and Ritsuka completely.
The Card's wave of sound and magic broke on the wall without so much as ruffling Ritsuka and Mash's hair. For long moments they went to war, and chaos reigned in the theatre. Ritsuka wondered just where Mash was pulling all of this power from. Sure, the Shielder Card provided the shape, but didn't Mash still have to power it herself?
But Mash stood firm, and in the end it was the Assassin Card who began to falter. Holes began to appear in the wildly lashing energy.
"Now, senpai!"
RItsuka didn't need to be told twice. He'd been gathering energy ever since the Assassin Card had started acting oddly, on the principle that having more available was always going to be better than not.
And now, he knew exactly what he wanted to do with it.
He bent his legs – then leapt up, over the wall created by the Shielder Card. At the apex of his jump, he aimed Ruby at the Assassin Card… and fired.
Not a round orb this time, not a simple directional blast. Ritsuka had been wondering how he could make his tiny weak blasts do anything to a Heroic Spirit, and he could only come up with two concepts that might help.
Sharp. Fast.
He hadn't quite got the hang of doing it at a moments notice – but with some time to focus, he'd managed some quite impressive results.
Now, he directed part of the power into forming a semi-solid thorn, only an inch across and wickedly sharp. At this size, it was fairly easy to reinforce. The rest of the power he'd gathered?
All of that went into speed.
A pink arrow lanced forward from Ruby's tip, and wove through the gaps in the storm of magic – straight into the Assassin Card's heart.
The sound of its Noble Phantasm went wild for an instant, an awful screeching, tearing noise that had Ritsuka clap his hands over his ears. And then, as if it had always meant to, it resolved itself into a grand final chord that shook the dust from the rafters, and ended as suddenly as if a professional conductor had cut it off.
The Assassin Card collapsed.
Ritsuka landed on his feet, and threw back his cape.
He half expected riotous applause. It felt like that sort of moment.
Mash's quiet "yay!" from behind him was just as good, though.
Ritsuka walked forward, to the downed figure. As he watched, it began burning with crimson flames, and disappeared, leaving a small card where it had been. He picked it up.
"It's over now, the music of the night…" murmured Mash. "Well done, senpai! I knew you could do it."
Around them, the theatre started cracking – it looked like the Card couldn't provide the power to sustain the Mirror World pocket once it had been sealed. Probably for the best, to be honest. The Assassin Card's attack had left it in a bit of state, with half the stage pristine thanks to Mash's protection and the other half in tatters.
"Ruby, is that a problem?" Ritsuka asked, pointing at the spreading cracks. "We're not going to be stuck in some kind of horrible abyss if we don't get out before the Mirror World collapses, are we?"
"You know, I don't actually know!" said Ruby, a little too chirpy. "It'd be interesting to test. Well, probably not for you, Master."
"Okay, we're getting out of here," decided Ritsuka. "Mash, want to do the honours?"
Mash nodded, and shield in her hands changed back into Sapphire. She raised the stick, and that same iridescent magical circle appeared, spreading out from where she stood.
"Removing imaginary numerical axis..." said Sapphire.
Well, thought Ritsuka. That was that. It had been dicey for a moment there, but they'd managed their first real battle against the Card. Already he could think of a couple of improvements to the way he did things – for example, his physical enhancement had been a lot more effective at keeping him out of trouble than his shields were.
That was for later, though. For now, he went to stand next to Mash, and smiled at his friend as she took them back to the real world.
---
"Okay," said Olga Marie Animusphere, rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Explain this to me."
She slapped a photograph down on her desk. It showed Ritsuka and Mash in their respective fetish outfits, sprinting out of frame and trying to cover their heads with their hands.
"Well," started Ritsuka. "We'd just defeated the Assassin Card, and kind of got caught up in the moment. So, we forgot that when we returned to the real world, we'd be exactly where we left the Mirror World."
"Which was onstage at Her Majesty's Theatre, during the evening performance of Phantom of the Opera, average audience one thousand two hundred people," said the Director.
"Yes."
"And rather than try to play it off and disappear, you then decided to attack the lead actor."
"We thought he'd come back to life for one last attack," said Mash sheepishly. "That sort of thing happens a lot in opera."
Olga Marie breathed out heavily. "And rather than make good your escape in the confusion once you realised your mistake, you decided to yell 'By Jove, Kaleido Amethyst, I think we're in the wrong play!', and draw all the attention back onto yourselves before finally trying to remove yourselves from the situation."
"Yeah, sorry, I was panicking a bit at that point," Ritsuka said. "But I think you're making too much of it. Would I choose to do it? No. Do I wish it hadn't happened? Yes. Would I do it differently next time? Yes. Did the stage fright make it worse? Ye-"
"Rambling, senpai."
"Shutting up now."
The Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation groaned, putting her head in her hands. "You two. My hair never used to be white, you know? You two did this to me."
Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look. Mash shook her head, indicating that the Director was exaggerating again.
At least, he hoped so.
Olga Marie went on. "The only fortunate things to come out of this are that you did, in fact, manage to retrieve the Assassin Card, and that no magus is likely to ever find out that this happened."
"Because you're suppressing the information?" asked Mash, leaning forward. "As expected of the aristocracy! Well done, Director!"
"No… because no magus follows musical theatre of all things. It's a bit… common, you see. If you'd decided to rematerialize at an opera, we'd have been in trouble." Olga Marie sighed. "I suppose the only thing we can do is just deny any rumours and wait for this to blow over. In the meantime… good work, both of you. From the sounds of things, it was a difficult fight. At least tell me the Assassin Card had a Noble Phantasm that might be useful in subduing the others?"
"Well…"
Images of that enormous pipe organ flashed through Ritsuka's head. It was not what he would have called portable.
Olga Marie didn't cry, but she looked like she wanted to. "I see. Thank you. Please leave."
They left, Mash stopping to pat the Director on the head as they did so.
Chapter 7 – In which Mash doesn't need a mentor because she is already perfect
- Location
- Probably at sea
So. So, so, so. We've got our two leads. We've got our adorable(?) mascots. We've got our ready-made plot about collecting magical items and gaining a variety of mid-season powerups, even if that last bit isn't quite turning out as we planned. We've got action. We've got romance. We've got our comically miserable jerk with a heart of gold.
Heck, this is shaping up to be a pretty decent magical girl series, in a generic way.
What else do we need?
How about a training montage?
Because, see, gaining experience as you bumble your way through the monster of the week is all well and good, but, uh, we're starting off with Heroic Spirits here, and they're kinda unforgiving of mistakes. Our plucky leads are plucky, but that won't really help them if they run into some of the ridiculously broken dudes out there.
Would I do that to my protagonists? Put it this way: I gave them Kaleidosticks and stopped them from using Installs. Of course I would do that. But, having them just get splatted isn't fun, and magical girls don't die unless it's in one of the new edgy series. There's nothing wrong with those, but that tag up there says humour, and gosh darn it I plan to keep it that way.
So, we're going to need to get some powerups into these knuckledeads pronto. And in a Fate story, there's only one way to get stronger quickly.
That's right! Crest Worms!
No, not really. Humour, people.
No, the key to maximising your power in Fate is, as everyone knows, top-tier 5* supports. And a mysterious mentor who may or may not have plans of their own, though? Ah, now that's more like the magical girl series we know and love. Find out who it could possibly be, in:
The crypts beneath London were places of deep magic and ancient power.
Well, it was mostly just the one crypt, actually. And the magic wasn't exactly deep, but instead of the more immediate, shiny, flashy smashy variety. And it wasn't ancient either, because the Kaleidosticks were a really rather recent invention that probably hadn't quite gotten past the bug-fixing stage yet.
And, well, the crypt wasn't really a place of magic so much as it contained magic, or at least had magical energy slamming into the walls quite a lot.
Okay, let's start again.
A particular crypt in London had magic, of the new-fangled flashy smashy variety, bouncing off the walls. Ritsuka was quite happy with the situation, though. In fact, he was doing his best to make sure this was the case, because the alternative was new-fangled flashy smashy magic bouncing off him instead. The crypt wasn't large, and he was really feeling his lack of magic reserves – a proper shield would be very handy right now…
"Keep moving, senpai!" called Mash, pointing Sapphire at him.
Ritsuka dodged a blue ball of energy, and felt it ruffle his hair as it passed not an inch from his head. Not missing a beat, he returned fire with a spray of pea-sized pink blasts. His aim wasn't great, but at least half the shots landed on-target. The rest swerved in mid-air, and peppered Mash from all angles.
Mash looked down at where they'd scuffed her dress. "That was very good! I nearly felt that!"
From anyone else, it might have sounded sarcastic. Mash, however, didn't have a mean bone in her body, and sounded genuinely delighted to have withstood the full 'might' of Ritsuka's 'assault'.
She was a sweet girl.
Sapphire snapped out like a rifle, and a coruscating laser-like beam exploded forth to clip Ritsuka's shoulder, sending him spinning backwards before he got himself under control. Mash's hands flew to her mouth in horror, before she regained her grimly determined expression.
Ritsuka circled the outskirts of the room, Ruby lending him speed and sending him skipping off the walls, a cloud of pink sparkles trailing behind him. Mash stayed where she was, turning in place to keep Sapphire between them.
It was a good thing the walls of the crypt were magically reinforced – as it was, they were merely covered in pockmarks and craters, rather than pounded to dust. Ritsuka was taking his duty as a Magical Boy seriously, and part of that was keeping up his training and working hard to improve himself, every day, in every way. These training sessions with Mash were good fun, and they were the very thing for honing his magical abilities and battle instincts. He hadn't won a single one.
He just didn't have enough magical oomph to work with – there was no way around it. Mash would always be able to outgun him. Sometimes he wondered if Ruby felt like she'd gotten the short end of the… something, getting stuck with him as a partner. She was capable of a lot more than he could ever do with her, and he imagined she was just as frustrated as he was.
But, that wasn't to say he was making no progress at all. For all Ruby's faults, she was incredibly versatile – when it came to energy blasts, shields, lightshows, any of that: if Ritsuka could imagine it, she could do it.
And, as it turned out, Ritsuka had a pretty good imagination.
Ritsuka weaved around another pair of beams, and kept up a steady stream of pathetic counterattacks with Ruby. Mash basically ignored these, Sapphire's basic protection more than enough to let her tank the hits.
"Okay, senpai, I'm going to step it up a bit!" called Mash. She raised Sapphire-
And snapped her to the side, intercepting the tennis-ball sized pink ball that Ritsuka had begun charging the moment Mash had broken off her attack to speak. She beamed. "Wow! That was amazing! I suppose I shouldn't let myself get distracted."
Ritsuka grimaced. It wasn't like he wanted to take advantage of Mash's kind nature, but it was kind of the only way he ever managed to land a hit on her.
… um, the only way he ever managed to make her actively defend, at least.
But it was fine! He had a plan!
"Here I go!"
Mash waved Sapphire in a semi-circle in front of her, right to left, and Sapphire left a trail of blue sparkles in her path. They hung in the air for a moment, looking like a miniature galaxy.
Then each of them swelled to the size of a fist.
"Uh oh."
With a rush, Mash's galaxy exploded out in all directions – and worse, every single one of the bolts of blue magic coming to ruin Ritsuka's day did something different.
Straight blasts, corkscrewing blasts, swerving blasts, blasts that phased into and out of visibility, one blast that did nothing but explode with a blinding flash. They were all things Ritsuka had tried against Mash in the past.
Ritsuka's finely-honed battle instincts told him this was going to suck.
Ruby's physical enhancement was working full-force. Ritsuka would have put Olympic athletes to shame as he jinked and juked, his mind working a million miles a minute as he tried to stay ahead of the shower of blue violence blossoming from the centre of the room. He dodged the worst of it, ducked his head to take the rest on his arms and shoulders, and kept his eyes on Mash.
Every second counted now. If he could last through this…
After what felt like a full minute of mad evasion, Mash let up.
Ritsuka put his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. "That… hah… all you got?"
Mash worried at her bottom lip, fidgeting with Sapphire. "No… but it seems like all you have. Do you need a break?"
"Hold up." Ritsuka held out a hand. Stalling, stalling… oh, what the heck. He was as ready as he'd ever be.
"Okay." Mash paused, looking around. "… does it seem pink in here to you?"
With a cheerful grin, Ritsuka pointed Ruby at Mash.
A second later, the room filled with neon rose light.
Mash cried out in surprise as four simultaneous beams, each as big around as a lamppost and ten times as strong as anything Ritsuka had fired up to now, slammed into her back. She was flattened to the floor, and hidden in the dust cloud kicked up by Ritsuka's attack.
"Ha!" crowed Ritsuka. "Did you think those sparkles I was giving off were just for show? Every single one was a blast – a little portal into an infinite well of power, and I've been letting more and more into the world the entire fight! With this much, even I can…"
Mash bounced to her feet, beaming in delight.
"… do nothing whatsoever," Ritsuka said tiredly. "Great."
"It was great!" said Mash. "Sapphire had to divert all power to physical protection, and even then I definitely felt something. Using charged attacks to get round your power limitations, and using special effects to hide them… you're so good at this. I wouldn't have thought of that in a thousand years."
It was very nice of her. It almost made Ritsuka feel better about being totally ineffectual.
With a sigh, he let Ruby droop to the floor, and dropped out of his transformation. "Darn it, I can't even be annoyed that you always win, you cute little powerhouse you."
Mash blushed. "Don't be silly! You're getting a lot better. Really! And I'm improving a lot too, just by training with you."
Ritsuka leaned over and ruffled her hair, earning himself a surprised squeak. He smiled at his partner, and did his best not to show the frustration and disappointment he felt.
The Director's office was a pleasant place to rest after a hard morning of getting beaten up by Mash. The chairs were comfortable, the room was pleasantly warm, and it smelled of books and old wood. More than that, though, it just… homely. In contrast to the rest of the Clock Tower, Ritsuka was always assured a warm welcome here.
"Why are you here?" asked the Director.
Ritsuka blinked, and turned around in his squashy armchair to look at his boss. Next to him, Mash did the same. The question had caught Ritsuka by surprise, and he blinked at the Director, sitting behind her desk doing paperwork as usual. She frowned back at him over the top of her pen.
He wasn't really sure how to respond. "Um… I'm Ritsuka, Director. Remember? You hired me, Ruby adopted me, I look spectacular in tight trousers and live with Mash?"
Olga Marie slapped her pen down on the desk and glared. "Obviously I remember you, fool! You and your tight trousers have haunted my dreams for the past week." There was a muffled sound of protest from Mash, and the Director sighed, a light dusting of red colouring her pale cheeks. "Down, girl. What I meant was, you're about twenty-five percent of my workload, all by yourself. Of course I haven't forgotten you."
"Really? Twenty-five percent? Don't you have… you know," Ritsuka gestured around him vaguely. "A department to run?"
The Director glowered. "Yes."
Ah. Ritsuka shut up, and tried to look like someone who would cause as little paperwork as possible. "If you need a hand…" he offered.
There was a pause as the Director looked at him, eyebrow raised. "You'd help out with the Astrology Department's admin? Really?" When Ritsuka nodded, a rare smile crossed her face. "That'd be… very helpful actually. Even if it's just sorting internal memos… hold on."
She rummaged in a drawer, and pulled out a stack of uneven scraps of paper, parchment and what Rituska was pretty sure was papyrus. She dropped it on her desk with a heavy thump.
Three more piles, similarly sized, joined it, with equally heavy thuds. It was amazing how magi got any actual magic done, the amount of time they spent on infighting and politics. On the other hand, what did Ritsuka know? Maybe bureaucracy was just another path to this Root, and getting rid of all the red tape would make an extremely nerdy magus somewhere very sad.
Speaking up was starting to look like a bad plan, but Mama Fujimaru didn't raise no quitter. "That's all the stuff from the rest of the Clock Tower? It must have been piling up for a while…"
The Director laughed, ever so slightly too shrill, as though Ritsuka had made a hilarious joke. "All the stuff… it really is refreshing having you kids around. No. That is all the memos from today. So far. After they've gone through vetting and been cleared for curses, poisons and other nasty stuff."
Ritsuka picked up the top sheet, admiring the ornate seal, the strange watermark, the way certain runes in the margins caught the light.
"…mostly."
Ritsuka put down the top sheet, admiring the way it hadn't tried to burn his fingers off.
"Anyway," continued the Director, "for now, if you could just sort these into piles based on which department they're from, and make a quick note of the subject, the author, and a quick rundown of what's required from me, that would be really brilliant. I do have a secretary to deal with the worst of this, so this is really just the stuff that requires my personal attention, but even so I really appreciate your taking the time to help me out." She smiled, looking genuinely happy and thankful in a way that made her look like the young woman it was so easy to forget she was.
Slowly, Ritsuka picked the paper back up, a strained expression on his face. He looked at the crabbed, spidery handwriting, clearly some kind of technical article. It certainly did look complicated. Definitely not easy reading. Not something you'd give to, for example, a foreign teenager who'd started studying the language in high school.
It was entirely possible that Ritsuka had a bit of a problem with saying no to people.
"Ah. A-ha. Yes. I will get right on reading this and sorting it. No problems doing that whatsoever."
Olga Marie closed her eyes for a moment, as if anticipating a headache. She stayed that way for as long as it took to breathe in and out, three times. Then she opened her eyes and, almost hesitantly, glared at Ritsuka. "What is it."
"So, you are aware that English is not actually my native language…"
For a few moments, silence reigned in the headquarters of the Chaldea Security Organisation.
Without meeting his gaze, Olga Marie took the paper from Ritsuka's unresisting fingers, and slowly started putting her enormous piles of paperwork back into her desk. Then she lowered her forehead onto the wood, white hair fanning out around her.
"I'm really sorry?" Ritsuka offered, not quite sure what he was sorry for.
"That's okay," said Olga Marie in a very small voice, without raising her head. "It's all my fault for allowing myself to have hope, that was the problem. You'd think I'd have learned. I'll know better next time… Mash, when did my life turn into this?"
Without a word, Mash got up and patted the Director's head.
"Thank you, Mash." Olga Marie raised her head, a little forlorn spark of her old fire apparently doing its best to keep her going. "There's nothing for it, I suppose. I'll just have to lean on Kirschtaria for help with running my own department. Again."
Ritsuka was feeling lost. He looked back to Mash for help.
"Mr Kirschtaria Wodime," she chimed in. "He was the previous Director's protégé. I didn't have much to do with him, but I know he's very talented."
"He's a puffed-up jerky jerk, I'll tell you that much," came a grumbling voice from Ritsuka's bag. Ruby hovered up and folded her wings over her… chest? Centre? For a sentient piece of cursed plastic, Ruby had very human mannerisms. "He's arrogant, pompous, stuck-up, and he's no fun at all."
"Oh, you're awake," said the Director. "This day just keeps on getting better."
Ruby spun in the air happily, the sarcasm apparently having sailed straight over her head. "I know, right? My mission is to spread peace and happiness in the places I've been!"
"By leaving them," growled the Director, before composing herself and pretending she'd never said anything. You did tend to look a bit ridiculous arguing with Ruby, and Olga Marie always tried to not let herself rise to Ruby's bait. Mostly, she failed. "Kirschtaria was my father's favoured student, and the one who had his backing to take over the reins of the Astrology Department when he died. I managed to keep the title, but I don't like ceding any more control over the place than I have to… even if he is better at literally everything than literally everyone," she finished, glumly.
"There's no need to put yourself down like that-" started Ritsuka, but was cut off.
"Ah, no, he actually is the best at everything," interrupted Mash. "That wasn't the Director being self-deprecating as usual."
"He is also the only person these horrible sticks have never managed to get a rise out of," continued the Director. "Don't ask me how he does it. He's some kind of wizard." She paused. "Well, I mean, obviously… but it is one of the great Mysteries of the Clock Tower how he stays so calm. My personal theory is that he's using some kind of mental magecraft to keep his composure, but I've never been sure."
"I always thought he was under some kind of geas to act like a proper Lord at all times," put in Mash.
"My theory is that he sacrificed his sense of humour to an alien deity!" said Ruby. She leaned in and lowered her voice. "Sapphire thinks it's because he's 'just that mature' or some nonsense, but between you and me she's always been the weird one."
Ritsuka glanced over at Sapphire, peeking out of Mash's rucksack. Despite one half of the equation lacking any kind of eyes, they managed to exchange a glance of long-suffering resignation.
"Well, this Mr Wodime sounds… lovely," said Ritsuka, "But before we got to talking about him, I did have a question. What did you mean, 'why am I here', Director? I'm here for Chaldea."
"Yes, but if you can't help out with the admin I don't really have anything for you to do. It was fine for the first couple of weeks, because you needed to get used to the Clock Tower and we had a lot to catch up on. But, really? Until we have the location of the next Card, I can run Chaldea all by myself. You and Mash would be better off waiting ready at home when you're not training. How is that going, by the way?"
Images of pathetic energy blasts came to mind.
"It's… going," Ritsuka hedged.
"Yes, I rather thought as much. Even with those abominations letting you cheat, magic isn't something so easily mastered, especially when you don't have a talent for it in the first place… hm." The Director tapped her pen against her face in thought. It would have been rude to point out that she was blotting her cheek with ink every time, so Ritsuka stayed quiet.
Eventually, she seemed to reach a decision. "Okay. There's someone I think you should meet…"
For something called the Department of Modern Magecraft, it wasn't very… modern. You might expect steel and glass, or banks of computers, or at least double-glazing. Or, heck, electric lighting. But, no. It was the same old-as-balls stone and brick, the same gas lighting, and the same strange collection of mystically-significant objects hung on the walls or placed carefully on plinths.
At least, Ritsuka assumed they were mystically-significant. Maybe magi just had terrible taste in home decoration.
It did seem a little less… ostentatious than most of the place, though. In fact, it seemed downright run-down in places, with paint peeling off the walls and doors ill-fitting in their frames. Modern Magecraft wasn't popular with whoever held the purse strings at the Clock Tower, apparently.
But the biggest change wasn't in the place – it was in the people. Students talked excitedly with each other as they made their way through the halls, in stark contrast to the suspicious silence that characterised the rest of the Clock Tower. They weren't much younger than the students of the Astromancy Department, on average, but they certainly dressed that way, and a rare few might even not seem all that bizarre walking around the streets of London.
Also, they nodded to Ritsuka and Mash as they passed, rather than staring at them with confusion or outright hostility like most of the Mages Association did. Even after weeks publicly working directly for the Head, the Astromancy Department tended to at best ignore the pair. It was a big improvement over 'lab specimen', at least.
So when Ritsuka got to the door with the plaque proclaiming it belonged to LORD EL-MELLOI II, HEAD OF MODERN MAGECRAFT, he knocked on it with rather less trepidation than he might have done.
"Office hour isn't until tomorrow," came a grumpy reply from inside. "If you have a question about the lecture, save it until then."
Mash mouthed the words office hour to herself, then shook her head. "Good afternoon, sir," she said. "We're actually here on behalf of Director Animusphere."
There was more grumbling from inside, and after a moment the door opened. Cigar smoke drifted out, and Ritsuka leaned back and waved it away. When it cleared, a tall, dark-haired man stood there. He frowned down at the two teenagers.
"So you're the ones. You're younger than I thought." He stood aside, revealing a messy office overflowing with paperwork. As the smoke cleared, the room got steadily stranger. Some of the paperwork was quietly sorting itself in the corner, while others had runes that caught the light oddly and made Ritsuka's eyes water. Some of the lingering smoke formed itself into fractal patterns as it made its way past the threshold of the door, before disappearing as if it had never been. It was, in short, a properly wizardly room.
From the looks of things, the sofa was well-slept-in.
The man – presumably Lord El-Melloi II – waved them in. "Well, in you get. Take a seat. I'd been meaning to have a talk with you two if I could anyway."
Mash took a seat next to Ritsuka on the sofa, and squeaked as springs shifted alarmingly underneath her. "Thanks, Mr El-Melloi."
The man shuddered as he shifted a pile of books and what looked like a game cartridge from his own armchair and sat down opposite them. "Ugh. No. Absolutely not. For a start, it's 'El-Melloi the Second', if anything. That name isn't mine, and as soon as my sister runs out of blackmail material I plan to foist it off on her at the first opportunity and make her do some work for once. Call me Waver, or Mr Velvet if you think you'll explode if you're too informal to a superior. But enough about that." He waved a hand, and peered at the two. "Olga Marie said you were kids, but yikes. Going after Heroic Spirits, at your age… even I waited until I was nineteen, for God's sake."
"We're hardier than we look, sir," said Mash. "Please, don't worry about us."
Ritsuka nodded. "We're heroes of whimsy and wonder who fight for a better tomorrow," he added seriously. "Or at least that's what our talking magic wands tell us."
To his credit, Lord El-Melloi II didn't even blink. "How pleasant for you. My assistant's just tends to abuse her over her lack of love life. Sapient Mystic Codes can be very useful, but for whatever reason, most tend to have awful personalities." He leaned backwards, and continued – apparently talking more to himself, although his tone shifted to something more like a lecturer.
"The history of items having minds of their own goes back millennia, of course, all the way to Enkidu from Mesopotamian myth. Self-willed golems of human rather than divine make came much later, but the idea of something entirely inhuman that thought like we did persisted – especially when it came to grimoires and other books. Throughout it all, there are a bare handful of items that were actively helpful, with almost all others causing some problems for those who owned them.
"One of my students did turn in a paper on why that might be, reasoning that the lack of interaction with anything that might be described as a peer mixed with the fact that most are programmed by, well, magi tended to result in an amplification of anti-social behaviour tendencies and a predilection for mischief. Quite insightful, and surprisingly in-depth." He sighed. "If it wasn't titled Fifteen Reasons Why Trimmau-chan is Best Girl: A Proposal by Flat Escardos, I might have put it forward for publication…"
Huh. It looked like this El-Melloi II was the real deal. The Director had mentioned he was one of the best lecturers in the Clock Tower, and Ritsuka could see why. He was clearly comfortable on building on a tangent to connect it to a theme, even when a random topic had come out of nowhere. That was a real magus for you.
… Ritsuka wondered when he'd stopped seeing Olga Marie as a real magus.
"Well, you two don't need to worry about that," finished Lord El-Melloi II. He straightened up slightly, and his tone became more business-like. "What can I do for Animusphere?"
"We have a progress report on the Class Card collection project, for the attention of the Wizard Marshal," said Mash, very importantly.
"Okay," said El-Melloi II.
There was a small silence.
"… how is it progressing?" he prompted when it became clear Mash wasn't going to say anything more.
"Oh!" Mash flushed. "Um, very well actually!"
Ritsuka nodded. "I'm not exactly suited to magecraft, but as it turns out I was basically born to be a shonen protagonist? So, it's not actually that bad."
"We've collected three cards already, with the help of the Kaleidosticks," continued Mash. "We've got your leyline map of London, thank you for that, and the Director is sifting through it to narrow down the location of the others. Assuming one from each Class, there should be five more left… although the Shielder Card was something of a surprise to start off, so there might be some extras…"
"Hm." El-Melloi II rubbed his chin in thought, leaning back with a creak of leather. "The existence of the Extra Classes was always theorised, but never observed in any Grail War so far as I know. There were rumours about the Einzbern Servant in the Third Fuyuki War, but by all accounts it didn't last long enough to confirm its Class. Still, the operation of the Class System remains a mystery – and believe me, I've spent a long time researching Grail Wars. Well, this isn't a Grail War in any case, so who's to say what the rules are?" He seemed to come back to himself, and looked at Ritsuka and Mash. After a pause, he asked, too casually, "Out of curiosity, which Servants have you collected so far? Classes, names?"
"We don't really know a lot of the names," said Mash.
"We're not all that good at mythology," Ritsuka put in. "If it isn't in a Disney movie, I've got no idea."
"But we do know the Classes! Shielder, Archer and Assassin. Assassin was the Phantom of the Opera, we worked that one out, and we're pretty sure Shielder is one of the Knights of the Round Table, because his Noble Phantasm is called Lord Camelot. Archer used some kind of suicide attack called Stella, but we have no idea what that might be."
"Mmm…" El-Melloi II seemed deep in thought, but seemed to realise the fact and blinked. He rubbed his brow. "Sorry. I stopped listening after you listed the Classes. I suppose it was too much to hope…"
Mash and Ritsuka exchanged confused glances, but El-Melloi II waved his hand. "Never mind. Tell you what. I'll make you a deal. I'm pretty sure I know the identities of your Archer and Shielder, and not only will I tell you, I'll also help you uncover the true names of all the rest of the Servants you collect, if I don't know straightaway. And, as a sweetener…" He pointed at Ritsuka.
There was no telling what kind of mystery could come out of a magus' finger, but El-Melloi II had been decent so far, so Ritsuka had to resist the urge to lunge out of the way. He looked behind him, then to either side, then pointed at himself. "Me? I am pretty sweet…"
El-Melloi II rolled his eyes. "You mentioned you weren't built for magecraft. You're right, your magic circuits are… present, but severely subpar, and atrophied from disuse in any case. If it weren't for the Kaleidosticks you'd be starting from zero when it came to doing magic – no crest, no Foundation to work with at all. Unless you stumbled on some pretty potent Mystery with a compatible concept to your Origin, or got stupid lucky, you'd be stuck. They call me the best teacher in the Clock Tower, but even I couldn't do anything with you in a hundred years."
"…thanks?"
"But you know what? You did get stupid lucky. The Kaleidosticks did what they were designed to do, took your nothing and made it something. And that… that I can work with. You're having trouble leveraging what little power you have into something useful. Fortunately for you, I happen to have been burdened with a similar problem."
Ritsuka took in the wizardly room full of weirdness, the pages of scattered runes, the paperwork which had paused sorting itself but started up when he looked at it as though embarrassed to be caught listening. "You don't say."
El-Melloi II lit up a cigar. "I'm not saying it was easy. But that's my offer. I'll give you information on the Heroic Spirits you encounter, and help you make the most of yourself. You won't be an official student of mine, I should stress. For whatever reason, places in my classes are so damn competitive people have literally been assassinated over them. I'm not going to tutor you privately either, because even if Animusphere had the funds to pay for it, and they don't, I simply do not have the time. I'm talking pointers, coaching, drawing up a training plan. It's not much, but I guarantee it's better than what you're already doing."
"And in return?"
"Take me with you when you find the Rider Card." El-Melloi II exhaled, a great heaving sigh, sending cigar smoke around the room. "And no, I'm not going to explain my reasoning. It's personal. I'm not going to ask for a geas or anything like that, because you two look like trustworthy kids and I get enough of mucking around with politics in my day-to-day. Just… when you find the Rider Card, take me along. That's all I ask."
Ritsuka considered it.
For, like, half a second.
"Are you kidding? That would be super helpful. Yes, obviously. Wow." A thought occurred. "Um, if the Director is fine with it. And Mash, obviously."
"I can handle Olga Marie," said El-Melloi II. "Or I'll lean on my sister to make it happen, which is basically the same thing but with more blackmail. So, Miss Kyrielight?"
Mash nodded. "No problems here. I've been curious about the Shielder Card ever since we got it. And I'm all for anything that helps Senpai."
"Good. The contract is sealed," said El-Melloi II with a smile. It took years off his face – for a moment, there was a hint of a younger man about him, a plucky adventurer rather than a grouchy professor.
Yes. Ritsuka could see himself learning from this man.
"Alright," he said. "When do we start?"
Heck, this is shaping up to be a pretty decent magical girl series, in a generic way.
What else do we need?
How about a training montage?
Because, see, gaining experience as you bumble your way through the monster of the week is all well and good, but, uh, we're starting off with Heroic Spirits here, and they're kinda unforgiving of mistakes. Our plucky leads are plucky, but that won't really help them if they run into some of the ridiculously broken dudes out there.
Would I do that to my protagonists? Put it this way: I gave them Kaleidosticks and stopped them from using Installs. Of course I would do that. But, having them just get splatted isn't fun, and magical girls don't die unless it's in one of the new edgy series. There's nothing wrong with those, but that tag up there says humour, and gosh darn it I plan to keep it that way.
So, we're going to need to get some powerups into these knuckledeads pronto. And in a Fate story, there's only one way to get stronger quickly.
That's right! Crest Worms!
No, not really. Humour, people.
No, the key to maximising your power in Fate is, as everyone knows, top-tier 5* supports. And a mysterious mentor who may or may not have plans of their own, though? Ah, now that's more like the magical girl series we know and love. Find out who it could possibly be, in:
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 7 – In which Mash doesn't need a mentor because she is already perfect
Chapter 7 – In which Mash doesn't need a mentor because she is already perfect
(Hint: it is Waver)
The crypts beneath London were places of deep magic and ancient power.
Well, it was mostly just the one crypt, actually. And the magic wasn't exactly deep, but instead of the more immediate, shiny, flashy smashy variety. And it wasn't ancient either, because the Kaleidosticks were a really rather recent invention that probably hadn't quite gotten past the bug-fixing stage yet.
And, well, the crypt wasn't really a place of magic so much as it contained magic, or at least had magical energy slamming into the walls quite a lot.
Okay, let's start again.
A particular crypt in London had magic, of the new-fangled flashy smashy variety, bouncing off the walls. Ritsuka was quite happy with the situation, though. In fact, he was doing his best to make sure this was the case, because the alternative was new-fangled flashy smashy magic bouncing off him instead. The crypt wasn't large, and he was really feeling his lack of magic reserves – a proper shield would be very handy right now…
"Keep moving, senpai!" called Mash, pointing Sapphire at him.
Ritsuka dodged a blue ball of energy, and felt it ruffle his hair as it passed not an inch from his head. Not missing a beat, he returned fire with a spray of pea-sized pink blasts. His aim wasn't great, but at least half the shots landed on-target. The rest swerved in mid-air, and peppered Mash from all angles.
Mash looked down at where they'd scuffed her dress. "That was very good! I nearly felt that!"
From anyone else, it might have sounded sarcastic. Mash, however, didn't have a mean bone in her body, and sounded genuinely delighted to have withstood the full 'might' of Ritsuka's 'assault'.
She was a sweet girl.
Sapphire snapped out like a rifle, and a coruscating laser-like beam exploded forth to clip Ritsuka's shoulder, sending him spinning backwards before he got himself under control. Mash's hands flew to her mouth in horror, before she regained her grimly determined expression.
Ritsuka circled the outskirts of the room, Ruby lending him speed and sending him skipping off the walls, a cloud of pink sparkles trailing behind him. Mash stayed where she was, turning in place to keep Sapphire between them.
It was a good thing the walls of the crypt were magically reinforced – as it was, they were merely covered in pockmarks and craters, rather than pounded to dust. Ritsuka was taking his duty as a Magical Boy seriously, and part of that was keeping up his training and working hard to improve himself, every day, in every way. These training sessions with Mash were good fun, and they were the very thing for honing his magical abilities and battle instincts. He hadn't won a single one.
He just didn't have enough magical oomph to work with – there was no way around it. Mash would always be able to outgun him. Sometimes he wondered if Ruby felt like she'd gotten the short end of the… something, getting stuck with him as a partner. She was capable of a lot more than he could ever do with her, and he imagined she was just as frustrated as he was.
But, that wasn't to say he was making no progress at all. For all Ruby's faults, she was incredibly versatile – when it came to energy blasts, shields, lightshows, any of that: if Ritsuka could imagine it, she could do it.
And, as it turned out, Ritsuka had a pretty good imagination.
Ritsuka weaved around another pair of beams, and kept up a steady stream of pathetic counterattacks with Ruby. Mash basically ignored these, Sapphire's basic protection more than enough to let her tank the hits.
"Okay, senpai, I'm going to step it up a bit!" called Mash. She raised Sapphire-
And snapped her to the side, intercepting the tennis-ball sized pink ball that Ritsuka had begun charging the moment Mash had broken off her attack to speak. She beamed. "Wow! That was amazing! I suppose I shouldn't let myself get distracted."
Ritsuka grimaced. It wasn't like he wanted to take advantage of Mash's kind nature, but it was kind of the only way he ever managed to land a hit on her.
… um, the only way he ever managed to make her actively defend, at least.
But it was fine! He had a plan!
"Here I go!"
Mash waved Sapphire in a semi-circle in front of her, right to left, and Sapphire left a trail of blue sparkles in her path. They hung in the air for a moment, looking like a miniature galaxy.
Then each of them swelled to the size of a fist.
"Uh oh."
With a rush, Mash's galaxy exploded out in all directions – and worse, every single one of the bolts of blue magic coming to ruin Ritsuka's day did something different.
Straight blasts, corkscrewing blasts, swerving blasts, blasts that phased into and out of visibility, one blast that did nothing but explode with a blinding flash. They were all things Ritsuka had tried against Mash in the past.
Ritsuka's finely-honed battle instincts told him this was going to suck.
Ruby's physical enhancement was working full-force. Ritsuka would have put Olympic athletes to shame as he jinked and juked, his mind working a million miles a minute as he tried to stay ahead of the shower of blue violence blossoming from the centre of the room. He dodged the worst of it, ducked his head to take the rest on his arms and shoulders, and kept his eyes on Mash.
Every second counted now. If he could last through this…
After what felt like a full minute of mad evasion, Mash let up.
Ritsuka put his hands on his knees, gasping for breath. "That… hah… all you got?"
Mash worried at her bottom lip, fidgeting with Sapphire. "No… but it seems like all you have. Do you need a break?"
"Hold up." Ritsuka held out a hand. Stalling, stalling… oh, what the heck. He was as ready as he'd ever be.
"Okay." Mash paused, looking around. "… does it seem pink in here to you?"
With a cheerful grin, Ritsuka pointed Ruby at Mash.
A second later, the room filled with neon rose light.
Mash cried out in surprise as four simultaneous beams, each as big around as a lamppost and ten times as strong as anything Ritsuka had fired up to now, slammed into her back. She was flattened to the floor, and hidden in the dust cloud kicked up by Ritsuka's attack.
"Ha!" crowed Ritsuka. "Did you think those sparkles I was giving off were just for show? Every single one was a blast – a little portal into an infinite well of power, and I've been letting more and more into the world the entire fight! With this much, even I can…"
Mash bounced to her feet, beaming in delight.
"… do nothing whatsoever," Ritsuka said tiredly. "Great."
"It was great!" said Mash. "Sapphire had to divert all power to physical protection, and even then I definitely felt something. Using charged attacks to get round your power limitations, and using special effects to hide them… you're so good at this. I wouldn't have thought of that in a thousand years."
It was very nice of her. It almost made Ritsuka feel better about being totally ineffectual.
With a sigh, he let Ruby droop to the floor, and dropped out of his transformation. "Darn it, I can't even be annoyed that you always win, you cute little powerhouse you."
Mash blushed. "Don't be silly! You're getting a lot better. Really! And I'm improving a lot too, just by training with you."
Ritsuka leaned over and ruffled her hair, earning himself a surprised squeak. He smiled at his partner, and did his best not to show the frustration and disappointment he felt.
The Director's office was a pleasant place to rest after a hard morning of getting beaten up by Mash. The chairs were comfortable, the room was pleasantly warm, and it smelled of books and old wood. More than that, though, it just… homely. In contrast to the rest of the Clock Tower, Ritsuka was always assured a warm welcome here.
"Why are you here?" asked the Director.
Ritsuka blinked, and turned around in his squashy armchair to look at his boss. Next to him, Mash did the same. The question had caught Ritsuka by surprise, and he blinked at the Director, sitting behind her desk doing paperwork as usual. She frowned back at him over the top of her pen.
He wasn't really sure how to respond. "Um… I'm Ritsuka, Director. Remember? You hired me, Ruby adopted me, I look spectacular in tight trousers and live with Mash?"
Olga Marie slapped her pen down on the desk and glared. "Obviously I remember you, fool! You and your tight trousers have haunted my dreams for the past week." There was a muffled sound of protest from Mash, and the Director sighed, a light dusting of red colouring her pale cheeks. "Down, girl. What I meant was, you're about twenty-five percent of my workload, all by yourself. Of course I haven't forgotten you."
"Really? Twenty-five percent? Don't you have… you know," Ritsuka gestured around him vaguely. "A department to run?"
The Director glowered. "Yes."
Ah. Ritsuka shut up, and tried to look like someone who would cause as little paperwork as possible. "If you need a hand…" he offered.
There was a pause as the Director looked at him, eyebrow raised. "You'd help out with the Astrology Department's admin? Really?" When Ritsuka nodded, a rare smile crossed her face. "That'd be… very helpful actually. Even if it's just sorting internal memos… hold on."
She rummaged in a drawer, and pulled out a stack of uneven scraps of paper, parchment and what Rituska was pretty sure was papyrus. She dropped it on her desk with a heavy thump.
Three more piles, similarly sized, joined it, with equally heavy thuds. It was amazing how magi got any actual magic done, the amount of time they spent on infighting and politics. On the other hand, what did Ritsuka know? Maybe bureaucracy was just another path to this Root, and getting rid of all the red tape would make an extremely nerdy magus somewhere very sad.
Speaking up was starting to look like a bad plan, but Mama Fujimaru didn't raise no quitter. "That's all the stuff from the rest of the Clock Tower? It must have been piling up for a while…"
The Director laughed, ever so slightly too shrill, as though Ritsuka had made a hilarious joke. "All the stuff… it really is refreshing having you kids around. No. That is all the memos from today. So far. After they've gone through vetting and been cleared for curses, poisons and other nasty stuff."
Ritsuka picked up the top sheet, admiring the ornate seal, the strange watermark, the way certain runes in the margins caught the light.
"…mostly."
Ritsuka put down the top sheet, admiring the way it hadn't tried to burn his fingers off.
"Anyway," continued the Director, "for now, if you could just sort these into piles based on which department they're from, and make a quick note of the subject, the author, and a quick rundown of what's required from me, that would be really brilliant. I do have a secretary to deal with the worst of this, so this is really just the stuff that requires my personal attention, but even so I really appreciate your taking the time to help me out." She smiled, looking genuinely happy and thankful in a way that made her look like the young woman it was so easy to forget she was.
Slowly, Ritsuka picked the paper back up, a strained expression on his face. He looked at the crabbed, spidery handwriting, clearly some kind of technical article. It certainly did look complicated. Definitely not easy reading. Not something you'd give to, for example, a foreign teenager who'd started studying the language in high school.
It was entirely possible that Ritsuka had a bit of a problem with saying no to people.
"Ah. A-ha. Yes. I will get right on reading this and sorting it. No problems doing that whatsoever."
Olga Marie closed her eyes for a moment, as if anticipating a headache. She stayed that way for as long as it took to breathe in and out, three times. Then she opened her eyes and, almost hesitantly, glared at Ritsuka. "What is it."
"So, you are aware that English is not actually my native language…"
For a few moments, silence reigned in the headquarters of the Chaldea Security Organisation.
Without meeting his gaze, Olga Marie took the paper from Ritsuka's unresisting fingers, and slowly started putting her enormous piles of paperwork back into her desk. Then she lowered her forehead onto the wood, white hair fanning out around her.
"I'm really sorry?" Ritsuka offered, not quite sure what he was sorry for.
"That's okay," said Olga Marie in a very small voice, without raising her head. "It's all my fault for allowing myself to have hope, that was the problem. You'd think I'd have learned. I'll know better next time… Mash, when did my life turn into this?"
Without a word, Mash got up and patted the Director's head.
"Thank you, Mash." Olga Marie raised her head, a little forlorn spark of her old fire apparently doing its best to keep her going. "There's nothing for it, I suppose. I'll just have to lean on Kirschtaria for help with running my own department. Again."
Ritsuka was feeling lost. He looked back to Mash for help.
"Mr Kirschtaria Wodime," she chimed in. "He was the previous Director's protégé. I didn't have much to do with him, but I know he's very talented."
"He's a puffed-up jerky jerk, I'll tell you that much," came a grumbling voice from Ritsuka's bag. Ruby hovered up and folded her wings over her… chest? Centre? For a sentient piece of cursed plastic, Ruby had very human mannerisms. "He's arrogant, pompous, stuck-up, and he's no fun at all."
"Oh, you're awake," said the Director. "This day just keeps on getting better."
Ruby spun in the air happily, the sarcasm apparently having sailed straight over her head. "I know, right? My mission is to spread peace and happiness in the places I've been!"
"By leaving them," growled the Director, before composing herself and pretending she'd never said anything. You did tend to look a bit ridiculous arguing with Ruby, and Olga Marie always tried to not let herself rise to Ruby's bait. Mostly, she failed. "Kirschtaria was my father's favoured student, and the one who had his backing to take over the reins of the Astrology Department when he died. I managed to keep the title, but I don't like ceding any more control over the place than I have to… even if he is better at literally everything than literally everyone," she finished, glumly.
"There's no need to put yourself down like that-" started Ritsuka, but was cut off.
"Ah, no, he actually is the best at everything," interrupted Mash. "That wasn't the Director being self-deprecating as usual."
"He is also the only person these horrible sticks have never managed to get a rise out of," continued the Director. "Don't ask me how he does it. He's some kind of wizard." She paused. "Well, I mean, obviously… but it is one of the great Mysteries of the Clock Tower how he stays so calm. My personal theory is that he's using some kind of mental magecraft to keep his composure, but I've never been sure."
"I always thought he was under some kind of geas to act like a proper Lord at all times," put in Mash.
"My theory is that he sacrificed his sense of humour to an alien deity!" said Ruby. She leaned in and lowered her voice. "Sapphire thinks it's because he's 'just that mature' or some nonsense, but between you and me she's always been the weird one."
Ritsuka glanced over at Sapphire, peeking out of Mash's rucksack. Despite one half of the equation lacking any kind of eyes, they managed to exchange a glance of long-suffering resignation.
"Well, this Mr Wodime sounds… lovely," said Ritsuka, "But before we got to talking about him, I did have a question. What did you mean, 'why am I here', Director? I'm here for Chaldea."
"Yes, but if you can't help out with the admin I don't really have anything for you to do. It was fine for the first couple of weeks, because you needed to get used to the Clock Tower and we had a lot to catch up on. But, really? Until we have the location of the next Card, I can run Chaldea all by myself. You and Mash would be better off waiting ready at home when you're not training. How is that going, by the way?"
Images of pathetic energy blasts came to mind.
"It's… going," Ritsuka hedged.
"Yes, I rather thought as much. Even with those abominations letting you cheat, magic isn't something so easily mastered, especially when you don't have a talent for it in the first place… hm." The Director tapped her pen against her face in thought. It would have been rude to point out that she was blotting her cheek with ink every time, so Ritsuka stayed quiet.
Eventually, she seemed to reach a decision. "Okay. There's someone I think you should meet…"
For something called the Department of Modern Magecraft, it wasn't very… modern. You might expect steel and glass, or banks of computers, or at least double-glazing. Or, heck, electric lighting. But, no. It was the same old-as-balls stone and brick, the same gas lighting, and the same strange collection of mystically-significant objects hung on the walls or placed carefully on plinths.
At least, Ritsuka assumed they were mystically-significant. Maybe magi just had terrible taste in home decoration.
It did seem a little less… ostentatious than most of the place, though. In fact, it seemed downright run-down in places, with paint peeling off the walls and doors ill-fitting in their frames. Modern Magecraft wasn't popular with whoever held the purse strings at the Clock Tower, apparently.
But the biggest change wasn't in the place – it was in the people. Students talked excitedly with each other as they made their way through the halls, in stark contrast to the suspicious silence that characterised the rest of the Clock Tower. They weren't much younger than the students of the Astromancy Department, on average, but they certainly dressed that way, and a rare few might even not seem all that bizarre walking around the streets of London.
Also, they nodded to Ritsuka and Mash as they passed, rather than staring at them with confusion or outright hostility like most of the Mages Association did. Even after weeks publicly working directly for the Head, the Astromancy Department tended to at best ignore the pair. It was a big improvement over 'lab specimen', at least.
So when Ritsuka got to the door with the plaque proclaiming it belonged to LORD EL-MELLOI II, HEAD OF MODERN MAGECRAFT, he knocked on it with rather less trepidation than he might have done.
"Office hour isn't until tomorrow," came a grumpy reply from inside. "If you have a question about the lecture, save it until then."
Mash mouthed the words office hour to herself, then shook her head. "Good afternoon, sir," she said. "We're actually here on behalf of Director Animusphere."
There was more grumbling from inside, and after a moment the door opened. Cigar smoke drifted out, and Ritsuka leaned back and waved it away. When it cleared, a tall, dark-haired man stood there. He frowned down at the two teenagers.
"So you're the ones. You're younger than I thought." He stood aside, revealing a messy office overflowing with paperwork. As the smoke cleared, the room got steadily stranger. Some of the paperwork was quietly sorting itself in the corner, while others had runes that caught the light oddly and made Ritsuka's eyes water. Some of the lingering smoke formed itself into fractal patterns as it made its way past the threshold of the door, before disappearing as if it had never been. It was, in short, a properly wizardly room.
From the looks of things, the sofa was well-slept-in.
The man – presumably Lord El-Melloi II – waved them in. "Well, in you get. Take a seat. I'd been meaning to have a talk with you two if I could anyway."
Mash took a seat next to Ritsuka on the sofa, and squeaked as springs shifted alarmingly underneath her. "Thanks, Mr El-Melloi."
The man shuddered as he shifted a pile of books and what looked like a game cartridge from his own armchair and sat down opposite them. "Ugh. No. Absolutely not. For a start, it's 'El-Melloi the Second', if anything. That name isn't mine, and as soon as my sister runs out of blackmail material I plan to foist it off on her at the first opportunity and make her do some work for once. Call me Waver, or Mr Velvet if you think you'll explode if you're too informal to a superior. But enough about that." He waved a hand, and peered at the two. "Olga Marie said you were kids, but yikes. Going after Heroic Spirits, at your age… even I waited until I was nineteen, for God's sake."
"We're hardier than we look, sir," said Mash. "Please, don't worry about us."
Ritsuka nodded. "We're heroes of whimsy and wonder who fight for a better tomorrow," he added seriously. "Or at least that's what our talking magic wands tell us."
To his credit, Lord El-Melloi II didn't even blink. "How pleasant for you. My assistant's just tends to abuse her over her lack of love life. Sapient Mystic Codes can be very useful, but for whatever reason, most tend to have awful personalities." He leaned backwards, and continued – apparently talking more to himself, although his tone shifted to something more like a lecturer.
"The history of items having minds of their own goes back millennia, of course, all the way to Enkidu from Mesopotamian myth. Self-willed golems of human rather than divine make came much later, but the idea of something entirely inhuman that thought like we did persisted – especially when it came to grimoires and other books. Throughout it all, there are a bare handful of items that were actively helpful, with almost all others causing some problems for those who owned them.
"One of my students did turn in a paper on why that might be, reasoning that the lack of interaction with anything that might be described as a peer mixed with the fact that most are programmed by, well, magi tended to result in an amplification of anti-social behaviour tendencies and a predilection for mischief. Quite insightful, and surprisingly in-depth." He sighed. "If it wasn't titled Fifteen Reasons Why Trimmau-chan is Best Girl: A Proposal by Flat Escardos, I might have put it forward for publication…"
Huh. It looked like this El-Melloi II was the real deal. The Director had mentioned he was one of the best lecturers in the Clock Tower, and Ritsuka could see why. He was clearly comfortable on building on a tangent to connect it to a theme, even when a random topic had come out of nowhere. That was a real magus for you.
… Ritsuka wondered when he'd stopped seeing Olga Marie as a real magus.
"Well, you two don't need to worry about that," finished Lord El-Melloi II. He straightened up slightly, and his tone became more business-like. "What can I do for Animusphere?"
"We have a progress report on the Class Card collection project, for the attention of the Wizard Marshal," said Mash, very importantly.
"Okay," said El-Melloi II.
There was a small silence.
"… how is it progressing?" he prompted when it became clear Mash wasn't going to say anything more.
"Oh!" Mash flushed. "Um, very well actually!"
Ritsuka nodded. "I'm not exactly suited to magecraft, but as it turns out I was basically born to be a shonen protagonist? So, it's not actually that bad."
"We've collected three cards already, with the help of the Kaleidosticks," continued Mash. "We've got your leyline map of London, thank you for that, and the Director is sifting through it to narrow down the location of the others. Assuming one from each Class, there should be five more left… although the Shielder Card was something of a surprise to start off, so there might be some extras…"
"Hm." El-Melloi II rubbed his chin in thought, leaning back with a creak of leather. "The existence of the Extra Classes was always theorised, but never observed in any Grail War so far as I know. There were rumours about the Einzbern Servant in the Third Fuyuki War, but by all accounts it didn't last long enough to confirm its Class. Still, the operation of the Class System remains a mystery – and believe me, I've spent a long time researching Grail Wars. Well, this isn't a Grail War in any case, so who's to say what the rules are?" He seemed to come back to himself, and looked at Ritsuka and Mash. After a pause, he asked, too casually, "Out of curiosity, which Servants have you collected so far? Classes, names?"
"We don't really know a lot of the names," said Mash.
"We're not all that good at mythology," Ritsuka put in. "If it isn't in a Disney movie, I've got no idea."
"But we do know the Classes! Shielder, Archer and Assassin. Assassin was the Phantom of the Opera, we worked that one out, and we're pretty sure Shielder is one of the Knights of the Round Table, because his Noble Phantasm is called Lord Camelot. Archer used some kind of suicide attack called Stella, but we have no idea what that might be."
"Mmm…" El-Melloi II seemed deep in thought, but seemed to realise the fact and blinked. He rubbed his brow. "Sorry. I stopped listening after you listed the Classes. I suppose it was too much to hope…"
Mash and Ritsuka exchanged confused glances, but El-Melloi II waved his hand. "Never mind. Tell you what. I'll make you a deal. I'm pretty sure I know the identities of your Archer and Shielder, and not only will I tell you, I'll also help you uncover the true names of all the rest of the Servants you collect, if I don't know straightaway. And, as a sweetener…" He pointed at Ritsuka.
There was no telling what kind of mystery could come out of a magus' finger, but El-Melloi II had been decent so far, so Ritsuka had to resist the urge to lunge out of the way. He looked behind him, then to either side, then pointed at himself. "Me? I am pretty sweet…"
El-Melloi II rolled his eyes. "You mentioned you weren't built for magecraft. You're right, your magic circuits are… present, but severely subpar, and atrophied from disuse in any case. If it weren't for the Kaleidosticks you'd be starting from zero when it came to doing magic – no crest, no Foundation to work with at all. Unless you stumbled on some pretty potent Mystery with a compatible concept to your Origin, or got stupid lucky, you'd be stuck. They call me the best teacher in the Clock Tower, but even I couldn't do anything with you in a hundred years."
"…thanks?"
"But you know what? You did get stupid lucky. The Kaleidosticks did what they were designed to do, took your nothing and made it something. And that… that I can work with. You're having trouble leveraging what little power you have into something useful. Fortunately for you, I happen to have been burdened with a similar problem."
Ritsuka took in the wizardly room full of weirdness, the pages of scattered runes, the paperwork which had paused sorting itself but started up when he looked at it as though embarrassed to be caught listening. "You don't say."
El-Melloi II lit up a cigar. "I'm not saying it was easy. But that's my offer. I'll give you information on the Heroic Spirits you encounter, and help you make the most of yourself. You won't be an official student of mine, I should stress. For whatever reason, places in my classes are so damn competitive people have literally been assassinated over them. I'm not going to tutor you privately either, because even if Animusphere had the funds to pay for it, and they don't, I simply do not have the time. I'm talking pointers, coaching, drawing up a training plan. It's not much, but I guarantee it's better than what you're already doing."
"And in return?"
"Take me with you when you find the Rider Card." El-Melloi II exhaled, a great heaving sigh, sending cigar smoke around the room. "And no, I'm not going to explain my reasoning. It's personal. I'm not going to ask for a geas or anything like that, because you two look like trustworthy kids and I get enough of mucking around with politics in my day-to-day. Just… when you find the Rider Card, take me along. That's all I ask."
Ritsuka considered it.
For, like, half a second.
"Are you kidding? That would be super helpful. Yes, obviously. Wow." A thought occurred. "Um, if the Director is fine with it. And Mash, obviously."
"I can handle Olga Marie," said El-Melloi II. "Or I'll lean on my sister to make it happen, which is basically the same thing but with more blackmail. So, Miss Kyrielight?"
Mash nodded. "No problems here. I've been curious about the Shielder Card ever since we got it. And I'm all for anything that helps Senpai."
"Good. The contract is sealed," said El-Melloi II with a smile. It took years off his face – for a moment, there was a hint of a younger man about him, a plucky adventurer rather than a grouchy professor.
Yes. Ritsuka could see himself learning from this man.
"Alright," he said. "When do we start?"
Last edited:
Chapter 8 - In which Ritsuka is very, very mistaken
- Location
- Probably at sea
Sometimes, even when you're a hero, things go wrong.
Actually, let me rephrase. Sometimes, especially when you're a hero, things go wrong. And, if you really are a hero, there'll be consequences, because part of being a hero is taking on more responsibility than you should. Some would argue that the defining feature of a hero is someone who sticks their nose into other people's business, and when that happens, and something goes wrong? Because of you?
That's a bad day. There isn't really any way around that.
Honestly, how bad you get hit with this really depends on what kind of universe you're in. If we were in something grimdark and gritty, we'd expect lasting consequences, maybe a bit of trauma, and a profound impact on the hero's character forever afterwards.
But we're in something light and fun! We should be fine with a bit of a scare, and laugh it off with the power of friendship, win the day, and end it with Ruby making everyone cross again! We'll have the Director be comically sad again, everyone loves that gag, and throw in a little shiptease between Ritsuka and Mash. It'll all be fine.
…right?
I mean, I'd like to tell you that. Really, I would. But, I'm just the narrator here. These bits of the chapter are done after everything else, they're not any kind of promise on what's going to come after. Are they supposed to be from an omniscient overseer? From someone writing from the future? Even the author isn't sure whether they're supposed to be diegetic or not, to tell you the truth. Frankly, a lot of the time they're just here to pad out the wordcount.
But, if you don't listen to anything else this shitshow of a preamble is telling you, please, please listen to this.
Just because it's a comedy, doesn't mean everything will always be fine.
Faster than Ritsuka expected, it was time again. Maybe that was a bit unfair of him – despite everything, the Director did actually know what she was doing, and had been studying the leyline map of London day and night (at least, if the way it was stuck to her face when they got in in the mornings was any indication).
Maybe it just felt way too fast to him. It hadn't even been a week since they'd sealed the Assassin Card, only a few days since he'd had his first session with Lord El-Melloi II.
But, the Director had found the next Card, and there was no reason to delay.
The intrepid Magical Boy and Girl Couple But Not Actually a Couple-Couple strolled along the bank of the Thames. This was proper London – not Croydon, not the out-of-the-way borough where the Animusphere college was, but the city centre. Tower Bridge was just up the way (an iconic landmark if ever there was one), St Paul's Cathedral was just over there (a masterpiece of architecture), and right now Ritsuka and Mash were walking past the Tate Modern (almost literally a giant middle finger to the London skyline).
It all looked very romantic in the night, reflecting the lights of the city, and there were in fact a lot of actually couple-couples out enjoying the night air. (It wasn't raining, for once. Freaking London.) On any other occasion, he'd be very conscious of Mash next to him, wrapped up in a coat and scarf as well as her usual hoodie, but tonight he was on the job.
It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was silent between them nonetheless.
Ritsuka had no trouble admitting, he was nervous. The Archer Card had been a wakeup call, and the Assassin Card had kind of come out of nowhere, but this was the first time he'd gone into this with time to think about it.
It was probably nothing. For once, they were pretty sure who the Heroic Spirit was this time, and they were… not exactly formidable? Ritsuka had gone over and over it in his head, but barring something totally unexpected, he couldn't see this being anything other than a pushover.
On the other hand, 'totally unexpected' was kind of his life these days.
Up ahead, the Globe Theatre came into view.
Technically, this was 'Shakespeare's Globe', a reconstruction of the original built about 750 feet from the original site. This made Shakespeare's Globe less Shakespeare's than the first Globe, but Ritsuka had a feeling it wouldn't matter all that much.
Just as the Archer Card had appeared at an archery range, just as the Phantom of the Opera had appeared at the theatre hosting its production, this Card had appeared on the exact location of the rebuilt theatre.
Having learned from last time, the Director had scheduled this little trip for a night when there wasn't a production taking place inside. She'd also looked up just what actually was being performed at the moment, just in case they were blindsided by a surprise appearance from Heroic Spirit versions of Julius Caesar or Macbeth drawn there by the play based on their lives.
But, no. There wasn't anything like that – as far as the Chaldea Security Organisation could tell, they would be up against William Shakespeare himself.
Which… look, Ritsuka had a lot of respect for the man who'd basically invented the English language singlehandedly, but at the end of the day, the man was a writer and Ritsuka was a Magical Boy. Barring Shakespeare having been a secret Tudor ninja – which, depressingly, Ritsuka could not rule out – this shouldn't be much of a fight.
And yet, somehow, he was nervous.
Mash nudged him with her shoulder. "Ready, senpai? You've been quiet…"
Well, that was no good. How was Ritsuka going to be a reliable senpai if he made his cute kohai worry?
Putting aside the fact that he wasn't, in any way, Mash's senpai.
"I'm fine," he said, putting a smile on his face. "You know me, always ready to deliver Justice into the faces of evil-doers at speed!"
Mash just looked confused. "I don't… is that a good thing?"
"You need to watch more magical girl shows," Ritsuka said, ruffling her hair. "Consider it essential research. Shall we?"
They found a quiet alley, and a couple of transformation sequences later, Kaleido Garnet and Kaleido Amethyst stood blushing at each other in their lyrical magical fetish suits. In what was quickly becoming standard practice, Ruby did the honours of opening the portal to the mirror world, while Mash Installed the Shielder Card.
(In some ways, it would have made more sense for Ritsuka to Install Shielder, and free up Mash to use her – much more powerful – energy blasts while he handled defence. It wasn't that simple, though. Mash was actually pretty good by now at handling Sapphire in shield form, and had proven her ability to deploy its Noble Phantasm against the previous Cards. The Archer Card in particular had shown that having an immediate defence ready was vital just in case the Cards pulled something tricky. Ritsuka was still working on it, and didn't want to trust both his and Mash's lives to his own skills.)
The Globe was a circular building, open in the middle to form something like a doughnut shape. It was, obviously, locked. The Kaleidosticks were pretty good at making keys out of magical energy; the Director had a habit of locking them away whenever they were being annoying, and they'd adapted and overcome.
It didn't matter, obviously – this was the Mirror world, and they could have just busted down the door with magical power for all anyone cared, and carved rude words into the walls while they were at it. Ritsuka was a Magical Boy, not a burglar, though, and just smashing his way in didn't sit right, so they hopped up onto the roof instead.
The roof was thatched – or possibly imitation-thatch, given that this was a modern reconstruction of the old building. It was steep as well, and at least a two-story leap, but Ritsuka and Mash made the jump with no issues and crept up to peer over the edge.
Down below, the stage dominated the space, a large rectangle extending into the open area. There was no scenery, but polished marble pillars held up the roof overhead. The audience would sit in the covered space around the edge, or else gather in the open area in front of the stage. It was possible to get a good view from any angle, including from up on the roof.
In the centre of the stage, a shadowy figure waited.
There was no point asking if Mash was ready – of course she was, because she was the best. Ritsuka, however, needed a little time to set up.
He waved Ruby, and no less than six points of light formed in front of him, growing in size and brightness at an agonisingly slow pace. Three were pink, and these grew the fastest – Ruby's basic energy blasts, simple and direct. The remaining three were… a little bit of an experiment, on a suggestion from El-Melloi II. They were complicated, and would take some time to power up, but if used right they could be the difference between victory and defeat.
When each of them was the size of an apple, he nodded to Mash. "Let's go."
"Right." Mash took a deep breath, and launched herself into the sky. Up she soared, higher and higher, until she reached her peak… then plummeted down onto the shadowy figure.
Just before she reached it, Ritsuka snapped Ruby through the red orb, then pointed her at Mash. "Instant Enhancement!"
Mash hit shield first. The dust cloud reached all the way up to Ritsuka's eye level. When it cleared, Mash stood in a small crater – the stage had been completely blown away.
Of the shadowy figure there was no sign.
Mash flexed her arms and made a fist. "It worked!... I think. I feel a little stronger, at least. Well done, senpai!"
"Don't thank me yet," Ritsuka warned. Another tiny red orb, no larger than a pinhead, appeared, and began to grow, ever so slowly. A couple of minutes' charge, for a couple of seconds extra power. It would have to do.
Put simply, Lord El-Melloi II's big idea had been videogame buffs. He had approved of Ritsuka's charged spells solution as a way to get round his limited magical energy problem, but pointed out that there was more to battle than just making bigger booms. Despite how she acted, Magical Ruby was actually a pretty sophisticated Mystic Code, and enhancement spells should be well within her capability. She already did it for Ritsuka, after all, as part of the basic Magical Boy package – why not as a castable spell?
One green orb, one red, one purple. Healing, attack, and damage avoidance. There were other ideas Ritsuka had brainstormed with the Lord, but these were the only three he'd managed to perfect in time for this fight. With luck, he'd only need to use them once each. Otherwise, he'd have to charge them up again mid-battle, and he wasn't sure he was focused enough to do that.
He leapt down next to Mash, Ruby's enhancements making the motion as light as stepping off a ledge. "Ruby, talk to me. Is the Card finished?"
"Um… no idea, sorry, Master," said Ruby. If her head had been capable of expressing guilt, she would have looked guilty.
"What do you mean, no idea? I thought you could sense the Cards?"
"I can! I can still sense this one, even! But it's, you know, all around us. This whole place is filled with magical energy, and none of it looks anything like a Card to me."
Ritsuka looked around at the rubble. Mash had punched right through the stage, and the force had blasted splinters all around the theatre. Now they stood in a clear zone in the middle – but there were still a lot of places for a Heroic Spirit to hide.
"So, what do you think? Could it be the Caster Card?" asked Mash.
"Unless it's a Noble Phantasm, then yes," said Ruby. "Now that we've got past Assassin, Caster is the only one that could possibly hide from us like this… probably."
It made a weird kind of sense. You didn't go to a theatre to see the playwright, just the actors – thinking about it like that, it was only to be expected that the Caster Card would be able to create illusory figures onstage. In that case, just as the Phantom of the Opera could only be found once onstage…
"Let's go backstage," Ritsuka said. For whatever reason, the others seemed to think he was the leader – so lead he would. Even if he was just guessing at what to do. "Mash, you lead the way, and be ready to defend against magical attacks from any direction. Ruby, direct all power to magic resistance and tracking. If we can get into close combat, we should have this in the bag, but be careful."
"Yes, senpai!"
The two Magical People made their way towards the back of the rubble that used to be the stage. Ritsuka's orbs still hovered at his back, ready to assist Mash or provide a last-ditch attack. Mash herself carried an honest-to-goodness Noble Phantasm, capable – as far as they were able to determine – of blocking literally anything.
Given all that, Ritsuka never knew how it all went so wrong.
One moment, he was walking behind Mash, keeping an eye out for danger. The next, an enormous shadowy figure lunged from nowhere and sent them flying.
Ritsuka landed hard on his arm. Even with Ruby's physical protection, his elbow experienced a brief spike of agony, then went numb in that watery, alien way that promised pain later. He rolled to his knees, and that promise was fulfilled. Gritting his teeth, he fought past the pain and searched for Mash.
He found her, and wished he hadn't. She hadn't landed as luckily as he had. Sapphire was nowhere to be seen – as Ritsuka watched, Mash's costume dissolved in a shower of blue sparkles, to leave nothing more than a teenage girl. Blood slowly soaked into the white hoodie, and there was something sharp poking up from her leg, deforming her tights.
Between the two of them, an enormous dark figure crouched. There was no other word for it than demonic – huge frame, twisting horns, reaching claws. Enormous black wings stretched from the thing's back, and a long tail lashed behind it. When it moved, the musculature shifted oddly, inhuman proportions stretching.
So, pretty safe to say the Card was not Shakespeare.
…again, probably.
First the horror-movie Phantom, and now this… these were supposed to be Heroic Spirits, right? Getting two literal monsters in a row was pretty unfair. Maybe they'd just gotten really, really unlucky and the Globe was built on an ancient druid shrine to some horrible ancient demon.
While Ritsuka watched, the monster advanced – on Mash.
"Hey!" he shouted. He tried to raise Ruby, but the fresh spike of agony stopped him. After some fumbling with his left hand, he managed to free the stick from under him.
One of Ruby's wings was hanging off, and the shaft had a worrying hairline crack in it. The sight literally stunned Ritsuka – it was almost unimaginable that the stick, his annoying, infuriating, wonderful Mystic Code, could ever come to harm. "Ruby…" he breathed.
"I'm fine, Master," said Ruby, not quite as cheerfully as usual. Ritsuka wiggled her experimentally, and her wing fell off. "Um, ignore that. That Card – it's Berserker, not Caster. I don't know why they're here, but there's no mistaking that ferocity."
Ritsuka thought back to how the monster had appeared out of nowhere. "And that speed, and how it's able to hide from you… I don't think we can beat this as we are."
"Not with that attitude, Master! But, um, yes, we probably should regroup, actually. Let's grab Mash and Sapphire and bounce."
That sounded like a plan. First, though, he had to deal with Berserker.
Fortunately, those little pink orbs he'd seeded at the start of the battle weren't so little any more.
A triple-braided blast as big around as a tree trunk slammed into the shadowy Berserker, shoving it far, far into the depths of the building. It roared at it went, but it was helpless to resist the pure physical force Ritsuka had managed to gather over long minutes to use on this one attack. Ritsuka struggled to his feet and limped over to Mash.
"Hey, you," he said. "This was a shit date. Sorry about that. Let's just go home, shall we?"
Mash giggled weakly, but winced. "This isn't your fault, senpai. Also… I can't move my leg."
When you couldn't think of something to say to cheer people up, sometimes you just had to take inspiration. "Not with that attitude!" Ritsuka said with a grin he really wasn't feeling. He swept Ruby through the waiting green orb and pointed her at Mash. "First Aid!"
Mash lit up in green for a brief moment. When it faded, she stretched her leg and her eyes widened. "That… that feels so much better! Amazing, senpai!"
"Don't thank me yet," Ritsuka said. "Where's Sapphire?"
"I don't know," Mash said, wringing her hands. "That thing hit me, and she flew out of my hands somewhere…"
"Well, let's find her and get out of here. Can you move?"
Mash shifted. "Not quickly."
Deep breath in, deep breath out. In the distance, Berserker roared. How soon before it made its way back? "Okay. I'll find Sapphire, and we'll go. Hide, until I come for you."
He started picking through the wreckage, trying to picture where Mash had been when Berserker hit her, and when Sapphire might have gone.
Ruby twitched in Ritsuka's hand. "Um, Master…"
"I can hear him."
"No, not that." Ruby's voice was more serious than Ritsuka had ever heard it. "I… found Sapphire."
A thin beam of pink light lanced out from Ruby.
Ritsuka's breath caught. "Oh."
"Senpai? What is it?"
Ritsuka's mouth opened and closed. He couldn't find the words. They just wouldn't come.
On the ground, lay a haft of blue plastic, snapped halfway up the length. The small ring of gold lay nearby, utterly still and silent.
"Sister…" said the world's only Kaleidostick.
Actually, let me rephrase. Sometimes, especially when you're a hero, things go wrong. And, if you really are a hero, there'll be consequences, because part of being a hero is taking on more responsibility than you should. Some would argue that the defining feature of a hero is someone who sticks their nose into other people's business, and when that happens, and something goes wrong? Because of you?
That's a bad day. There isn't really any way around that.
Honestly, how bad you get hit with this really depends on what kind of universe you're in. If we were in something grimdark and gritty, we'd expect lasting consequences, maybe a bit of trauma, and a profound impact on the hero's character forever afterwards.
But we're in something light and fun! We should be fine with a bit of a scare, and laugh it off with the power of friendship, win the day, and end it with Ruby making everyone cross again! We'll have the Director be comically sad again, everyone loves that gag, and throw in a little shiptease between Ritsuka and Mash. It'll all be fine.
…right?
I mean, I'd like to tell you that. Really, I would. But, I'm just the narrator here. These bits of the chapter are done after everything else, they're not any kind of promise on what's going to come after. Are they supposed to be from an omniscient overseer? From someone writing from the future? Even the author isn't sure whether they're supposed to be diegetic or not, to tell you the truth. Frankly, a lot of the time they're just here to pad out the wordcount.
But, if you don't listen to anything else this shitshow of a preamble is telling you, please, please listen to this.
Just because it's a comedy, doesn't mean everything will always be fine.
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 8 – In which Ritsuka is very, very mistaken
Chapter 8 – In which Ritsuka is very, very mistaken
Faster than Ritsuka expected, it was time again. Maybe that was a bit unfair of him – despite everything, the Director did actually know what she was doing, and had been studying the leyline map of London day and night (at least, if the way it was stuck to her face when they got in in the mornings was any indication).
Maybe it just felt way too fast to him. It hadn't even been a week since they'd sealed the Assassin Card, only a few days since he'd had his first session with Lord El-Melloi II.
But, the Director had found the next Card, and there was no reason to delay.
The intrepid Magical Boy and Girl Couple But Not Actually a Couple-Couple strolled along the bank of the Thames. This was proper London – not Croydon, not the out-of-the-way borough where the Animusphere college was, but the city centre. Tower Bridge was just up the way (an iconic landmark if ever there was one), St Paul's Cathedral was just over there (a masterpiece of architecture), and right now Ritsuka and Mash were walking past the Tate Modern (almost literally a giant middle finger to the London skyline).
It all looked very romantic in the night, reflecting the lights of the city, and there were in fact a lot of actually couple-couples out enjoying the night air. (It wasn't raining, for once. Freaking London.) On any other occasion, he'd be very conscious of Mash next to him, wrapped up in a coat and scarf as well as her usual hoodie, but tonight he was on the job.
It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was silent between them nonetheless.
Ritsuka had no trouble admitting, he was nervous. The Archer Card had been a wakeup call, and the Assassin Card had kind of come out of nowhere, but this was the first time he'd gone into this with time to think about it.
It was probably nothing. For once, they were pretty sure who the Heroic Spirit was this time, and they were… not exactly formidable? Ritsuka had gone over and over it in his head, but barring something totally unexpected, he couldn't see this being anything other than a pushover.
On the other hand, 'totally unexpected' was kind of his life these days.
Up ahead, the Globe Theatre came into view.
Technically, this was 'Shakespeare's Globe', a reconstruction of the original built about 750 feet from the original site. This made Shakespeare's Globe less Shakespeare's than the first Globe, but Ritsuka had a feeling it wouldn't matter all that much.
Just as the Archer Card had appeared at an archery range, just as the Phantom of the Opera had appeared at the theatre hosting its production, this Card had appeared on the exact location of the rebuilt theatre.
Having learned from last time, the Director had scheduled this little trip for a night when there wasn't a production taking place inside. She'd also looked up just what actually was being performed at the moment, just in case they were blindsided by a surprise appearance from Heroic Spirit versions of Julius Caesar or Macbeth drawn there by the play based on their lives.
But, no. There wasn't anything like that – as far as the Chaldea Security Organisation could tell, they would be up against William Shakespeare himself.
Which… look, Ritsuka had a lot of respect for the man who'd basically invented the English language singlehandedly, but at the end of the day, the man was a writer and Ritsuka was a Magical Boy. Barring Shakespeare having been a secret Tudor ninja – which, depressingly, Ritsuka could not rule out – this shouldn't be much of a fight.
And yet, somehow, he was nervous.
Mash nudged him with her shoulder. "Ready, senpai? You've been quiet…"
Well, that was no good. How was Ritsuka going to be a reliable senpai if he made his cute kohai worry?
Putting aside the fact that he wasn't, in any way, Mash's senpai.
"I'm fine," he said, putting a smile on his face. "You know me, always ready to deliver Justice into the faces of evil-doers at speed!"
Mash just looked confused. "I don't… is that a good thing?"
"You need to watch more magical girl shows," Ritsuka said, ruffling her hair. "Consider it essential research. Shall we?"
They found a quiet alley, and a couple of transformation sequences later, Kaleido Garnet and Kaleido Amethyst stood blushing at each other in their lyrical magical fetish suits. In what was quickly becoming standard practice, Ruby did the honours of opening the portal to the mirror world, while Mash Installed the Shielder Card.
(In some ways, it would have made more sense for Ritsuka to Install Shielder, and free up Mash to use her – much more powerful – energy blasts while he handled defence. It wasn't that simple, though. Mash was actually pretty good by now at handling Sapphire in shield form, and had proven her ability to deploy its Noble Phantasm against the previous Cards. The Archer Card in particular had shown that having an immediate defence ready was vital just in case the Cards pulled something tricky. Ritsuka was still working on it, and didn't want to trust both his and Mash's lives to his own skills.)
The Globe was a circular building, open in the middle to form something like a doughnut shape. It was, obviously, locked. The Kaleidosticks were pretty good at making keys out of magical energy; the Director had a habit of locking them away whenever they were being annoying, and they'd adapted and overcome.
It didn't matter, obviously – this was the Mirror world, and they could have just busted down the door with magical power for all anyone cared, and carved rude words into the walls while they were at it. Ritsuka was a Magical Boy, not a burglar, though, and just smashing his way in didn't sit right, so they hopped up onto the roof instead.
The roof was thatched – or possibly imitation-thatch, given that this was a modern reconstruction of the old building. It was steep as well, and at least a two-story leap, but Ritsuka and Mash made the jump with no issues and crept up to peer over the edge.
Down below, the stage dominated the space, a large rectangle extending into the open area. There was no scenery, but polished marble pillars held up the roof overhead. The audience would sit in the covered space around the edge, or else gather in the open area in front of the stage. It was possible to get a good view from any angle, including from up on the roof.
In the centre of the stage, a shadowy figure waited.
There was no point asking if Mash was ready – of course she was, because she was the best. Ritsuka, however, needed a little time to set up.
He waved Ruby, and no less than six points of light formed in front of him, growing in size and brightness at an agonisingly slow pace. Three were pink, and these grew the fastest – Ruby's basic energy blasts, simple and direct. The remaining three were… a little bit of an experiment, on a suggestion from El-Melloi II. They were complicated, and would take some time to power up, but if used right they could be the difference between victory and defeat.
When each of them was the size of an apple, he nodded to Mash. "Let's go."
"Right." Mash took a deep breath, and launched herself into the sky. Up she soared, higher and higher, until she reached her peak… then plummeted down onto the shadowy figure.
Just before she reached it, Ritsuka snapped Ruby through the red orb, then pointed her at Mash. "Instant Enhancement!"
Mash hit shield first. The dust cloud reached all the way up to Ritsuka's eye level. When it cleared, Mash stood in a small crater – the stage had been completely blown away.
Of the shadowy figure there was no sign.
Mash flexed her arms and made a fist. "It worked!... I think. I feel a little stronger, at least. Well done, senpai!"
"Don't thank me yet," Ritsuka warned. Another tiny red orb, no larger than a pinhead, appeared, and began to grow, ever so slowly. A couple of minutes' charge, for a couple of seconds extra power. It would have to do.
Put simply, Lord El-Melloi II's big idea had been videogame buffs. He had approved of Ritsuka's charged spells solution as a way to get round his limited magical energy problem, but pointed out that there was more to battle than just making bigger booms. Despite how she acted, Magical Ruby was actually a pretty sophisticated Mystic Code, and enhancement spells should be well within her capability. She already did it for Ritsuka, after all, as part of the basic Magical Boy package – why not as a castable spell?
One green orb, one red, one purple. Healing, attack, and damage avoidance. There were other ideas Ritsuka had brainstormed with the Lord, but these were the only three he'd managed to perfect in time for this fight. With luck, he'd only need to use them once each. Otherwise, he'd have to charge them up again mid-battle, and he wasn't sure he was focused enough to do that.
He leapt down next to Mash, Ruby's enhancements making the motion as light as stepping off a ledge. "Ruby, talk to me. Is the Card finished?"
"Um… no idea, sorry, Master," said Ruby. If her head had been capable of expressing guilt, she would have looked guilty.
"What do you mean, no idea? I thought you could sense the Cards?"
"I can! I can still sense this one, even! But it's, you know, all around us. This whole place is filled with magical energy, and none of it looks anything like a Card to me."
Ritsuka looked around at the rubble. Mash had punched right through the stage, and the force had blasted splinters all around the theatre. Now they stood in a clear zone in the middle – but there were still a lot of places for a Heroic Spirit to hide.
"So, what do you think? Could it be the Caster Card?" asked Mash.
"Unless it's a Noble Phantasm, then yes," said Ruby. "Now that we've got past Assassin, Caster is the only one that could possibly hide from us like this… probably."
It made a weird kind of sense. You didn't go to a theatre to see the playwright, just the actors – thinking about it like that, it was only to be expected that the Caster Card would be able to create illusory figures onstage. In that case, just as the Phantom of the Opera could only be found once onstage…
"Let's go backstage," Ritsuka said. For whatever reason, the others seemed to think he was the leader – so lead he would. Even if he was just guessing at what to do. "Mash, you lead the way, and be ready to defend against magical attacks from any direction. Ruby, direct all power to magic resistance and tracking. If we can get into close combat, we should have this in the bag, but be careful."
"Yes, senpai!"
The two Magical People made their way towards the back of the rubble that used to be the stage. Ritsuka's orbs still hovered at his back, ready to assist Mash or provide a last-ditch attack. Mash herself carried an honest-to-goodness Noble Phantasm, capable – as far as they were able to determine – of blocking literally anything.
Given all that, Ritsuka never knew how it all went so wrong.
One moment, he was walking behind Mash, keeping an eye out for danger. The next, an enormous shadowy figure lunged from nowhere and sent them flying.
Ritsuka landed hard on his arm. Even with Ruby's physical protection, his elbow experienced a brief spike of agony, then went numb in that watery, alien way that promised pain later. He rolled to his knees, and that promise was fulfilled. Gritting his teeth, he fought past the pain and searched for Mash.
He found her, and wished he hadn't. She hadn't landed as luckily as he had. Sapphire was nowhere to be seen – as Ritsuka watched, Mash's costume dissolved in a shower of blue sparkles, to leave nothing more than a teenage girl. Blood slowly soaked into the white hoodie, and there was something sharp poking up from her leg, deforming her tights.
Between the two of them, an enormous dark figure crouched. There was no other word for it than demonic – huge frame, twisting horns, reaching claws. Enormous black wings stretched from the thing's back, and a long tail lashed behind it. When it moved, the musculature shifted oddly, inhuman proportions stretching.
So, pretty safe to say the Card was not Shakespeare.
…again, probably.
First the horror-movie Phantom, and now this… these were supposed to be Heroic Spirits, right? Getting two literal monsters in a row was pretty unfair. Maybe they'd just gotten really, really unlucky and the Globe was built on an ancient druid shrine to some horrible ancient demon.
While Ritsuka watched, the monster advanced – on Mash.
"Hey!" he shouted. He tried to raise Ruby, but the fresh spike of agony stopped him. After some fumbling with his left hand, he managed to free the stick from under him.
One of Ruby's wings was hanging off, and the shaft had a worrying hairline crack in it. The sight literally stunned Ritsuka – it was almost unimaginable that the stick, his annoying, infuriating, wonderful Mystic Code, could ever come to harm. "Ruby…" he breathed.
"I'm fine, Master," said Ruby, not quite as cheerfully as usual. Ritsuka wiggled her experimentally, and her wing fell off. "Um, ignore that. That Card – it's Berserker, not Caster. I don't know why they're here, but there's no mistaking that ferocity."
Ritsuka thought back to how the monster had appeared out of nowhere. "And that speed, and how it's able to hide from you… I don't think we can beat this as we are."
"Not with that attitude, Master! But, um, yes, we probably should regroup, actually. Let's grab Mash and Sapphire and bounce."
That sounded like a plan. First, though, he had to deal with Berserker.
Fortunately, those little pink orbs he'd seeded at the start of the battle weren't so little any more.
A triple-braided blast as big around as a tree trunk slammed into the shadowy Berserker, shoving it far, far into the depths of the building. It roared at it went, but it was helpless to resist the pure physical force Ritsuka had managed to gather over long minutes to use on this one attack. Ritsuka struggled to his feet and limped over to Mash.
"Hey, you," he said. "This was a shit date. Sorry about that. Let's just go home, shall we?"
Mash giggled weakly, but winced. "This isn't your fault, senpai. Also… I can't move my leg."
When you couldn't think of something to say to cheer people up, sometimes you just had to take inspiration. "Not with that attitude!" Ritsuka said with a grin he really wasn't feeling. He swept Ruby through the waiting green orb and pointed her at Mash. "First Aid!"
Mash lit up in green for a brief moment. When it faded, she stretched her leg and her eyes widened. "That… that feels so much better! Amazing, senpai!"
"Don't thank me yet," Ritsuka said. "Where's Sapphire?"
"I don't know," Mash said, wringing her hands. "That thing hit me, and she flew out of my hands somewhere…"
"Well, let's find her and get out of here. Can you move?"
Mash shifted. "Not quickly."
Deep breath in, deep breath out. In the distance, Berserker roared. How soon before it made its way back? "Okay. I'll find Sapphire, and we'll go. Hide, until I come for you."
He started picking through the wreckage, trying to picture where Mash had been when Berserker hit her, and when Sapphire might have gone.
Ruby twitched in Ritsuka's hand. "Um, Master…"
"I can hear him."
"No, not that." Ruby's voice was more serious than Ritsuka had ever heard it. "I… found Sapphire."
A thin beam of pink light lanced out from Ruby.
Ritsuka's breath caught. "Oh."
"Senpai? What is it?"
Ritsuka's mouth opened and closed. He couldn't find the words. They just wouldn't come.
On the ground, lay a haft of blue plastic, snapped halfway up the length. The small ring of gold lay nearby, utterly still and silent.
"Sister…" said the world's only Kaleidostick.
Chapter 9 – In which you should probably just read what happens
- Location
- Probably at sea
So, how about that cliffhanger, huh? Gosh, that really was a surprise. Well, maybe not that much of one since I said in this rambly bit up top last time that something bonkers was going down.
Heck, you don't need to hear me go on. I don't really have much else to say here, so let's just speedrun this preamble, shall we? Last time on Kaleidoball Z, suddenly Berserker. Now everything is the not-good.
Behold:
On the whole, Ritsuka had been having a good time with this whole Magical Boy thing. Despite Ruby's antics, despite the fact he'd been basically forced into it, it was kind of exciting. Like, wasn't it? He was an honest-to-goodness Saturday morning cartoon hero. So, even though it was tough, even though it was frustrating, he had grown to enjoy it.
Had.
Now, he stood in silence in the Director's office. On her desk lay the remains of Magical Sapphire.
Mash wasn't here. After what Berserker had done to her, she was lucky to still be alive – and she wouldn't be getting out of her hospital bed for weeks. Ritsuka's healing spell had managed to stop her from bleeding out, and her shattered leg wouldn't heal crooked, but there was a reason it was called 'First Aid' and not 'Fix Everything Forever'.
Mash, bless her, had wanted to be up and about immediately, for moral support if nothing else, but neither the Director nor Ritsuka would hear of it. She needed bedrest, and close monitoring, and probably months of physiotherapy, so the hospital was where she needed to be.
On the other hand, Ritsuka could really, really have done with some moral support right now.
Olga Marie's eyes were red-rimmed, but she'd clearly washed her face and carefully schooled her expression. Actually, correction. The Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation had not had a good day, and was preparing to take care of business with her employee.
Not that Ritsuka was getting paid. Well, except in rent money, maybe? And, you know, priceless magical artifacts…
… like the one broken on the Director's desk.
"Mr Fujimaru," said the Director. "I think we both know why you're here."
"Well, it sure isn't for the free biscuits," Ritsuka joked weakly.
He knew immediately he'd made a mistake. The Director didn't slam her hands on the table, or yell, or otherwise comically overreact. Instead, her eyes just got very, very cold.
"Let me tell you what my day has been like so far, Mr Fujimaru. I have had to report the loss of Magical Sapphire to the Wizard Marshal – an irreplaceable Mystic Code, literally priceless. The Animusphere family is now in debt to Lord Zelretch, and is likely to remain so for as long as he lives. I recognise that you are entirely ignorant of what that means," Ritsuka flinched from the venom in the Director's words, "but know that my family is ruined. Forever."
Ritsuka found himself with no words whatsoever.
The Director let the pause stretch on into an infinite awkwardness before continuing. "I thank you for your report on the Berserker Card, and what happened. I thank you for your work in collecting the Archer and Assassin Cards. But it is clear to me that I have made a grave error in placing the hope of the Animusphere family on your shoulders. That is on me, and because I should have known better I will not be taking my frustration out on you. However…"
She reached out a hand. "You are hereby removed from the Chaldea Security Organisation. You will relinquish all company assets immediately, and are to have moved out of your apartment within one week."
"… I'm pretty sure you can't do that."
"I'm pretty sure I bought your apartment, Mr Fujimaru, because I suffered a fit of madness and imagined that you would be a viable long-term investment. So yes, in fact, I can do that. More importantly, I will require the recently-one-of-a-kind Mystic Code that was entrusted to you." Her hand remained outstretched.
Magical Ruby, for her part, stayed silent, just a simple stick in Ritsuka's hand. She'd been very quiet ever since… well, ever since Berserker. Ritsuka actually couldn't remember her saying a single word since they'd escaped the Mirror World.
To be fair, Ritsuka had been out of sorts himself. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the frantic worry over Mash, or the grief at Sapphire's… death? Destruction? Regardless, everything had been kind of a blur. Between the Mirror Word disappearing and dumping them in the silent Globe Theatre, and Ritsuka standing with his heels together in front of the Director, he couldn't remember the details.
He had an awful image of Mash, unconscious in her hospital bed, but couldn't have said where it was, or even how they'd managed to get her there. He had a memory of sitting in a silent apartment, way too big for one person, but no memory of getting the train back there. Or getting called in by the Director, for that matter.
"Stop spacing out!" barked the Director. She collected herself, her hand dropped, and her expression softened ever so slightly. "Mr Fujimaru, I understand this is all very sudden. It is not my intention to be cruel. But you must admit, you simply aren't suited for a task of this nature. It is not a slight on you. You are, however impressive it is that you have decided to live on the other side of the world, just a teenager. Frankly, it is impressive you have gotten as far as you have. But enough is enough. This is not a game, and people are getting hurt."
"I know," said Ritsuka. How could he not know? He'd spent every moment since escaping from Berserker thinking the same thing.
…hadn't he?
Yes, of course he had. Hadn't he made that promise with Mash as she lay in her hospital bed, promising that no-one would have to suffer as she had?
… or something like that. He couldn't remember the exact wording, for some reason.
"Then you understand. Hand over Magical Ruby, Mr Fujimaru. Say the words, break the contract, and leave this unfortunate part of your life behind. She'll be in good hands. I'll give her to an Enforcer or something…" The Director dropped her gaze, and muttered, "I'm sure at least one of them is insane enough to volunteer…"
There was a tiny note of confusion in Ritsuka's mind, but he stared down at Ruby in his hand anyway. She sat there, apparently waiting for his decision.
This was all… too confusing.
Of course it was. He wasn't a magus, or even someone used to all this like Mash. He was just some guy. What was he playing at, gallivanting around being a Magical Boy? It was time to grow up.
Olga Marie reached out her hand, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "I won't wait forever, Mr Fujimaru. I don't want to take Magical Ruby from you, but I will if you force me. I would prefer, however, that you recognise your limitations, give her to me of your own free will, and move on with your life. It's time to grow up. Break your contract with Magical Ruby."
The tension in the room rose, an unbearable pressure. Ritsuka's hand raised, almost without him thinking about it, just from the sheer weight of expectation. The most natural thing in the world was to hand over Ruby. Of course that was how it should go. To not do that, to hesitate even as much as he was right now felt like… like opening a door marked 'no entry', like shouting in a library, like… going off-script in a play.
Ritsuka handed over Ruby… that was how it should go.
But.
He just didn't want to.
"I… would rather… fix this, Director," he said, forcing the words out. "I… still want to help…"
Olga Marie stayed frozen, her hand outstretched. "I won't wait forever, Mr Fujimaru. I don't want to take Magical Ruby from you, but I will if you force me. I would prefer, however, that you recognise your limitations, give her to me of your own free will, and move on with your life. It's time to grow up. Break your contract with Magical Ruby."
Ritsuka blinked. It was, word-for-word, what she'd said last time. Again the pressure, again the feeling like he was swimming upstream, but that little note of confusion was louder this time, and it helped him shake it off.
"No, Director. This is my mess, and I'll be the one to clean it up. I work well with Ruby, and I hope she'd agree I'm good to her. I think continuing would be what Sapphire would have wanted." He took a deep breath, gaining steam. Once he'd started, it was so much easier to keep going.
"This… isn't real, is it? It's a scene, a play. That's why I can't remember anything from before I got here. That's why you're acting so weird. That's why Ruby hasn't said a thing, and why she's just a stick when she usually likes to float around. It's all to target me – to get me to give up Ruby freely.
"And, whoever you are, whyever you're trying to do this, I'm not going to. I know I'm not a perfect fit for this Magical Boy thing. Maybe someone else would have been better, I don't know. But I'm who you've got, Director. I know I'm just a kid, and I know I sometimes like to mess around, but I've never treated this like a joke. I really do want to help. And…" An image of Mash rose up in his mind.
"I do have things to fight for. It's true that I could do better. I will do better. But giving up at the first hurdle isn't who I am. It isn't who you'd want me to be. You, and Ruby, and Mr El-Melloi II, and Mash, have all helped me so much, ever since I got here. I want to help you out too. And I'll do it the only way I can."
He took a step back, and raised Ruby. "I am Kaleido Garnet, and I think I have somewhere to be. Set up!"
And the Director's office shattered around him.
Ritsuka landed on his feet, and looked around.
This… was not where he'd expected to be.
After shattering the illusion of the Director's office, it was an easy step to think back to where he might have been caught – so Ritsuka had been expecting to find himself back in the Globe Theatre. Hopefully… before Berserker – if it even was Berserker – had attacked. His failure to protect Mash and Sapphire was part of the setup, to make him feel like a failure and crush his spirit so he'd hand over all his protection and allow the Card to kill him easily. So, out of the illusion, he should be back at the theatre.
This, on the other hand, looked very much like his old place back in Japan.
He was in his costume as Kaleido Garnet, he could feel that without needing to look down. (The way his circulation was cut off below his thighs was usually a clue. Those trousers were really tight.)
"You good, Ruby?" he said.
"Hi, Master! Lost you there for a minute. We're in an illusion!" said Ruby.
"Yep, kinda got that. What's the last thing you remember?"
"We were hunting the Card, then you and Mash just stopped – stood still, didn't respond to anything. Sapphire and I weren't sure what to do, so she's handling physical protection while I try to dig around your mind and get you back. And I have! I'm totally the best!"
Ritsuka shivered. "You're rummaging around inside my head? I'm not sure I like the sound of that." Ruby was not exactly the most subtle Mystic Code ever. Hopefully she'd manage to keep the brain damage to a minimum.
"Well, it didn't work until just now. I felt a massive boost in our connection, but I have no idea why. Theoretically, strong feelings of affection and appreciation would cause something like that, but, you know. Not exactly an expert on those over here."
"Is that a fact?"
"Yeah! It was weird. It was like I was, you know, welcome. Probably something the Card did. It's not something I ever experienced before, that's for sure."
Ritsuka stroked Ruby's haft with his fingers, earning a disconcerting purring noise from the stick. "Can't imagine why. So, how do we go about breaking this illusion?"
Ruby's wand head spun around in delight. "Oh, don't you worry about that, Master! I'm diverting all your energy to raising your Magic Resistance – sooner or later, you should be able to throw it off yourself. Probably later, because we're having to build it up over time here. Your circuits, you know how it is."
Well, that was comforting to know. So all he had to do was wait? If this was still an illusion from the Card, it would probably be a bad idea to look around anyway. The most sensible thing to do would be to just ignore it all.
But that sounded boring, and Ruby wouldn't let anything too drastic happen, so Ritsuka went for a little explore.
It was pretty much exactly as he remembered it. The same wallpaper, the same pictures in the same places, that little dent in the ceiling where his father had bounced him too hard as a baby.
Hm. In hindsight, maybe that did explain a lot.
In any case, it was all exactly correct. Ritsuka was pretty sure he'd never had any weird magical cards around his house, so this was probably all copied straight from his memory. Oh, man, was the Card about to try and confront him with his greatest failures or something? He did not have time for this.
"How are you doing with fortifying my mind, Ruby?"
"Working on it, Master!"
There was no-one in the house, so he went downstairs and opened the front door. It was raining outside, and the street was painted a dull, dismal grey. Clouds the colour of iron were reflected in the puddles and rivulets of the street, the image shivering under a constant torrent of raindrops. Across the road, under a streetlight, a girl stood, sniffling and wiping her eyes with her sleeve.
"You left her behind," came a voice from nowhere, somehow managing to sound both insidious and bombastic, like a town crier with a grudge. Ritsuka jumped, and looked around, but he and the girl were the only people present. "She thought you had a connection, but you never felt the same way, so you just cut her out of your life."
For some reason, Ritsuka felt compelled to defend himself. "Saionji and I ended things perfectly amicably… once she'd calmed down and we'd gotten her to sign the restraining order. Also, it wasn't raining when she had her little… episode." He stopped, and peered at the crying girl. "… that is Saionji, right? I'm pretty sure I only had a few actual stalkers, and her hair isn't the right colour for that to be Ryuugu…"
The scene shifted. Now Ritsuka found himself standing in a park in the rain, embracing another girl he vaguely remembered. They parted, and the perspective shifted. From this angle, Ritsuka saw how the smile fell off the girl's face, and how her eyes filled with tears, as soon as she turned away from him. Tears mixed with raindrops as she ran away.
"So many connections, made and broken. Is it simply cruel fate? Or are you the common factor here? What is it that drives you to push people away?"
"Um, nope. This isn't right either," Ritsuka said, shaking his head. "For one thing, it wasn't raining, again. Is… is rain the only way you know how to do pathos?"
The clouds parted, allowing a solitary ray of sunshine to illuminate Ritsuka.
"Uh-huh. Also, again, Konoe and I weren't right for each other, and we kept in touch. Also, pretty sure she was gay. No pushing away required. Your examples are bad and you should feel bad."
"Did you ever really care at all?" continued the voice, apparently ignoring Ritsuka's totally valid points. "Normal people treasure bonds. But you lived life lightheartedly, nothing making an impression, no-one really mattering to you. You mattered to them, but that meant nothing to you either."
Once more, the scene shifted. Now Ritsuka was in a classroom – to be specific, his high school classroom.
Hah! The Card must have been really reaching for ideas. Ritsuka had only had to turn down six confessions in this classroom, and of those, he'd even managed to stay good friends with two of the girls involved, and one of the guys.
… the Card might have something of a point, Ritsuka was willing to admit.
But there was no tearful confession, no booming voice castigating Ritsuka for leaving behind a trail of broken hearts that, sure, he probably should look up on Insta to check how they were doing. Instead, the lights dimmed, and the window got very clear. Outside, an aeroplane flew by, just as it might on any other day.
Ritsuka's breath stilled.
"And what did you do? When the weight of broken friendships grew too great, when there wasn't a person in your life you hadn't disappointed in some way, what did you do?"
The aeroplane continued tracing its path in the sky. Ritsuka knew it well. It was the 1430 flight from Tokyo Haneda to London Heathrow, and he'd watched it out his classroom window a hundred times. He'd imagined what life was life, on the other side of the world. How the people lived. What they did with themselves every day.
"You left. Was there truly so little keeping you in Japan? What could you possibly find here, that you had to run so far to get it?"
"It's not like that."
"It's exactly like that, Ritsuka Fujimaru. You couldn't handle the pressure, so you decided to run to the other side of the world, forsake all ties, and become a Magical Boy, of all things. Not that you're childish, or anything."
Ritsuka didn't reply immediately. Eventually, he said, "You're a lot more responsive than you were a minute ago."
Ruby piped up from his hand. "Yeah, sorry, it's taking what it needs from your head. I'm almost done kicking it out, don't give up!"
"Thanks, Ruby." Ritsuka turned away from the window. "You want to come out and talk face to face? Your illusions are getting weaker and weaker, and I don't think you have all that much to work with any more. Your best shot was when you tried to make me think I'd gotten Sapphire killed. Now that I know it's an illusion, there's really not a whole lot you can do to me. Come on, stop with the memories already."
There was a long pause. "Alright."
The door slid open, and a girl walked in. Ritsuka braced himself for yet another old flame or friend he'd fallen out of touch with, but he didn't recognise this new person at all. He felt he would have remembered her – red hair and gold eyes was not a common combination in Japan.
She was wearing what looked like the girls' uniform at Ritsuka's high school, which was… a bit confusing. Ritsuka didn't know what he was expecting when confronting an evil Heroic Spirit possessing his mind, but this wasn't it. How had it arrived at that appearance?
It probably wasn't important.
The girl sat herself down on a desk and smoothed her skirt. "You've locked me out of a lot of your head. But I saw into it – you know you're not ready for this."
"We've been through this. I choose to be Kaleido Garnet, because right now I'm the one who can be. I'm not perfect for the job, but I'll get it done."
"Except, as you saw, this is not a game. I showed you a scene based on what you feared, but tell me it can't happen for real. How can you possibly promise you'll protect those around you? You're weak, and you know it."
Ritsuka smiled. "It's not all about strength. El-Melloi's been working with me-"
"To make up for what you lack. To paper over the cracks. Fundamentally, you aren't suited for this. And when – not if – something happens, you will wish you had given up the stick when you had the chance. Is your pride worth compromising Mash Kyrielight's safety?"
"It's not pride. I have a responsibility-"
"No, you are enjoying yourself as a Saturday morning cartoon hero. There is no reason why you cannot give up Magical Ruby other than that you yourself refuse to do it, and many reasons why she and Mash would be better off with a stronger partner."
"We work well together. That's a genuine talent I have, you can't deny that. No-one else would get along with Ruby the way I do, you saw how she acted with Ms Tohsaka."
"I'm sure that will be a great comfort to Mash Kyrielight as she bleeds out on the floor of some Mirror World pocket. You'll be too weak to have protected her, but at least you'll have had a grand old time with Ruby as you did it." The girl smirked back, nastily.
… it was unpleasant, having to argue with something in your mind. Using someone's own inner arguments against them had to be cheating.
Ritsuka was spared from having to think of something else to say by Ruby. "Okay, we're about ready to go, Master! One more effort of will should do it."
The red-haired girl threw up her hands. "Oh, look at that. Things have gotten difficult, so Fujimaru Ritsuka is going to cut and run. Again."
Ritsuka glared at the girl – the Card. "Okay, I think that's about enough out of you. Let's take this outside."
He closed his eyes.
When he opened them, he was back in the Globe, on the stage. Mash stood beside him, her eyes unfocused and Sapphire – in the form of that cross-shaped shield – held limply in her hand. A faint blue sparkling bubble surrounded them.
Outside that bubble was the Card.
It looked like a middle-aged man in fine green clothing, with a book in one hand and a quill in the other. A red beard was visible under a wide-brimmed hat, but its eyes were shaded – that was sort of a theme for these fake Heroic Spirits, apparently.
Well, it fit for the Phantom, and for the Shielder Card judging from how Mash had described it. The Archer Card hadn't really stuck around long enough for Ritsuka to notice any details.
When the Card saw Ritsuka snap out of its illusion, it took a half-step back.
"Yeah, that's about right," said Ritsuka. "Sapphire, you can go ahead and wake Mash up. I got this."
"Understood, Master Ritsuka."
He turned back to the Card. "Okay, time to wrap this up," he said. "I'm going to seal you, and then you're going between my asscheeks, you horrible piece of cardboard."
The Card tapped the book with its quill, and four copies of it appeared, running in all directions. The five copies of the Card ducked and wove between the pillars –
-and were speared through by five thin beams of pink light. Four vanished. The one left didn't seem too injured – or injured at all, actually – but it stopped and turned.
It raised its book, only to be met with a hail of small sharp shards. Covering its head with its hands, it ducked behind a pillar.
… this was kind of underwhelming, frankly. The Phantom had been way faster, and way more aggressive. Ritsuka was pretty sure this was the Caster Card, now – with Ruby putting everything she had into magical defence, it didn't really have anything to fall back on. Rituska started charging up a blast to finish the job.
There was a muffled sound from behind the pillar, as of someone slamming a cross-shaped shield into it very hard. A little dust fell from the rafters, and Mash walked out into view.
"That was my least favourite card yet," she said, changing Sapphire back into a stick. "Hi, senpai! Thanks for getting Sapphire to break me out, it was easy once she showed me how you and Ruby did it."
"Um, no problem," Ritsuka said. He didn't lower Ruby, or stop charging up the pink blast. "Mash, you trust me, right?"
"Of course, senpai!" Her smile was just as cheerful as Ritsuka remembered it. Exactly as cheerful.
"Awesome. I'm going to shoot you now."
A blast of energy scored the stage where Mash had been standing. "Senpai, what- huh?" she said, the very picture of adorable confusion. "Are you still under Caster's spell? Ruby, snap him out of it!"
Aaauugh. "Look," said Ritsuka. "I'm like ninety-nine percent sure you're the Card, so hold still and let me shoot you. Mash would be fine, and she knows that, and she knows that I can heal her afterwards anyway. It's over."
"Senpai, you're being scary…" Mash approached, very carefully, as if trying not to spook a horse. "You're confused. I already beat the Caster Card, okay? I know the illusions were horrible. But everything is fine."
Ritsuka hesitated. It really sounded like Mash. And acted like her, and she was close enough that he could smell the perfume she used and it smelled like her… Ruby dipped down a fraction.
"That's it," said Mash soothingly. "It's all okay."
"You really beat the Card?" Ritsuka said.
"Really really!"
"Okay." Ritsuka took a breath. "Could you show me it please? So I know it's sealed. Show me the sealed Card and then we can go."
Mash stopped, tears welling up. "You… don't trust me, senpai?"
For a single second Ritsuka wanted to power down Ruby and just pat his cute roommate on the head and tell her everything would be okay.
Then he brought Ruby round and unloaded everything into Mash's face.
The Card's illusion was the first thing to shred, revealing it preparing a blow with its fist. Then it was blasted backwards, then disappeared behind the torrent of pink light. Ritsuka didn't let up until he saw the flash of brown that was the Card. He kept Ruby trained on it until he picked it up.
"This the real thing?" he asked.
"Yep! One hundred percent Caster Card, five thousand percent gaslighting douche, all sealed up and ready to go."
"Good."
Then he lowered Ruby.
Over by the side of the stage, Mash appeared behind whatever illusion Caster had done to make her disappear. She still looked groggy, but was definitely shaking off the last of whatever the Card had done to her. Ritsuka went over.
"Hey, you," he said.
Mash's face lit up. "Senpai! You beat the Card all by yourself, that's amazing!"
"Eh, it wasn't all that." Ritsuka rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. "You know, it tried to fool me by making me think it was you."
"I saw," Mash nodded. "How did you know it was fake?"
"Oh, I didn't," Ritsuka assured her. "I just figured, hey, even if I'm wrong, what's to lose? Worst case, I get to move into the larger bedroom in the apartment." He grinned, but faltered when Mash didn't pout or protest like he expected her to.
Instead, her face fell. "Right…" she said. "What's to lose…" Her eyes lost focus – whatever she was seeing, it wasn't the Globe stage.
Oh, crap. Ritsuka didn't know if it was something the Caster Card had brought up, or if he just really wasn't as funny as he thought he was, but he needed damage control, immediately.
He bopped Mash on the head with Ruby.
"Ow!"
"Stop being silly," he said. "If you go, who'll remind me to do the washing up?" An image of a classroom, and red hair, flashed behind his eyes, and he shook himself. This was no time to be confusing. He sighed. "Of course I couldn't do any of this without you. I don't know if I maybe haven't said this enough, but you are literally the best human I know. No Card can possibly replace you, and don't you forget it."
Mash smiled uncertainly. "The… best human?"
"The very best. Come on, let's get out of here. I was always more into film than theatre anyway."
And they left, the collapsing Mirror World closing the curtain on the third Card.
(Fourth, counting Shielder, which Ritsuka still wasn't sure if he did.)
"Ah, you're back!" said the Director, as Ritsuka and Mash walked into her office. "You've been gone a while. Everything alright?"
Ritsuka reached behind himself, produced the Card, and threw it onto her desk. "I have a new least favourite thing."
"What was your old least favourite thing?" asked Ruby. There was a couple of seconds of pointed silence. "Oh, I see how it is. Ha, ha. Very funny, Master."
"It was that bad?" asked the Director, raising an eyebrow. "Yikes."
"Yeah, this thing's Noble Phantasm is… not fun," said Ritsuka. He didn't really feel like going into it just now. Beside him, Mash nodded emphatically.
The Director, on the other hand, perked up. "Oh? You mean we finally have another Card that's useful as an Include?"
"Um…" Ritsuka thought about it. On the one hand, the Card's illusions had been total, delving deep into multiple sets of memories to dig out their darkest fears and beat its victims over the head with them. It was a scary and versatile power, that made all differences in strength irrelevant. It was actually kind of perfect for going up against Heroic Spirits, because it could simply hammer on their psychological flaws without having to actually fight them.
On the other hand, they weren't up against proper Heroic Spirits. They were up against the Class Cards, and it was… kind of unclear as to whether they even had minds in the first place. The Caster Card had mostly borrowed Ritsuka's mind to argue with him. The Phantom had certainly acted outraged when Mash rejected it, but maybe it was just acting out its legend on autopilot…
"Sorry," he said. "I think it's another bust, Director. We are really not having the best luck, are we?"
"No… hm. I'll talk to the Association and see if we can do something about this. In the meantime, good work, you two. Get yourselves back to your apartment, you've earned a rest."
"Will do. First though…"
Oh, look at that. Things have gotten difficult, so Fujimaru Ritsuka is going to cut and run. Again.
Yes, the Caster Card might have had a point.
Ritsuka smiled, and brought out his phone.
"It's been a while since I called home. It's good to keep in touch with friends."
Heck, you don't need to hear me go on. I don't really have much else to say here, so let's just speedrun this preamble, shall we? Last time on Kaleidoball Z, suddenly Berserker. Now everything is the not-good.
Behold:
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 9 – In which you should probably just read what happens
Chapter 9 – In which you should probably just read what happens
On the whole, Ritsuka had been having a good time with this whole Magical Boy thing. Despite Ruby's antics, despite the fact he'd been basically forced into it, it was kind of exciting. Like, wasn't it? He was an honest-to-goodness Saturday morning cartoon hero. So, even though it was tough, even though it was frustrating, he had grown to enjoy it.
Had.
Now, he stood in silence in the Director's office. On her desk lay the remains of Magical Sapphire.
Mash wasn't here. After what Berserker had done to her, she was lucky to still be alive – and she wouldn't be getting out of her hospital bed for weeks. Ritsuka's healing spell had managed to stop her from bleeding out, and her shattered leg wouldn't heal crooked, but there was a reason it was called 'First Aid' and not 'Fix Everything Forever'.
Mash, bless her, had wanted to be up and about immediately, for moral support if nothing else, but neither the Director nor Ritsuka would hear of it. She needed bedrest, and close monitoring, and probably months of physiotherapy, so the hospital was where she needed to be.
On the other hand, Ritsuka could really, really have done with some moral support right now.
Olga Marie's eyes were red-rimmed, but she'd clearly washed her face and carefully schooled her expression. Actually, correction. The Director of the Chaldea Security Organisation had not had a good day, and was preparing to take care of business with her employee.
Not that Ritsuka was getting paid. Well, except in rent money, maybe? And, you know, priceless magical artifacts…
… like the one broken on the Director's desk.
"Mr Fujimaru," said the Director. "I think we both know why you're here."
"Well, it sure isn't for the free biscuits," Ritsuka joked weakly.
He knew immediately he'd made a mistake. The Director didn't slam her hands on the table, or yell, or otherwise comically overreact. Instead, her eyes just got very, very cold.
"Let me tell you what my day has been like so far, Mr Fujimaru. I have had to report the loss of Magical Sapphire to the Wizard Marshal – an irreplaceable Mystic Code, literally priceless. The Animusphere family is now in debt to Lord Zelretch, and is likely to remain so for as long as he lives. I recognise that you are entirely ignorant of what that means," Ritsuka flinched from the venom in the Director's words, "but know that my family is ruined. Forever."
Ritsuka found himself with no words whatsoever.
The Director let the pause stretch on into an infinite awkwardness before continuing. "I thank you for your report on the Berserker Card, and what happened. I thank you for your work in collecting the Archer and Assassin Cards. But it is clear to me that I have made a grave error in placing the hope of the Animusphere family on your shoulders. That is on me, and because I should have known better I will not be taking my frustration out on you. However…"
She reached out a hand. "You are hereby removed from the Chaldea Security Organisation. You will relinquish all company assets immediately, and are to have moved out of your apartment within one week."
"… I'm pretty sure you can't do that."
"I'm pretty sure I bought your apartment, Mr Fujimaru, because I suffered a fit of madness and imagined that you would be a viable long-term investment. So yes, in fact, I can do that. More importantly, I will require the recently-one-of-a-kind Mystic Code that was entrusted to you." Her hand remained outstretched.
Magical Ruby, for her part, stayed silent, just a simple stick in Ritsuka's hand. She'd been very quiet ever since… well, ever since Berserker. Ritsuka actually couldn't remember her saying a single word since they'd escaped the Mirror World.
To be fair, Ritsuka had been out of sorts himself. Maybe it was the adrenaline, or the frantic worry over Mash, or the grief at Sapphire's… death? Destruction? Regardless, everything had been kind of a blur. Between the Mirror Word disappearing and dumping them in the silent Globe Theatre, and Ritsuka standing with his heels together in front of the Director, he couldn't remember the details.
He had an awful image of Mash, unconscious in her hospital bed, but couldn't have said where it was, or even how they'd managed to get her there. He had a memory of sitting in a silent apartment, way too big for one person, but no memory of getting the train back there. Or getting called in by the Director, for that matter.
"Stop spacing out!" barked the Director. She collected herself, her hand dropped, and her expression softened ever so slightly. "Mr Fujimaru, I understand this is all very sudden. It is not my intention to be cruel. But you must admit, you simply aren't suited for a task of this nature. It is not a slight on you. You are, however impressive it is that you have decided to live on the other side of the world, just a teenager. Frankly, it is impressive you have gotten as far as you have. But enough is enough. This is not a game, and people are getting hurt."
"I know," said Ritsuka. How could he not know? He'd spent every moment since escaping from Berserker thinking the same thing.
…hadn't he?
Yes, of course he had. Hadn't he made that promise with Mash as she lay in her hospital bed, promising that no-one would have to suffer as she had?
… or something like that. He couldn't remember the exact wording, for some reason.
"Then you understand. Hand over Magical Ruby, Mr Fujimaru. Say the words, break the contract, and leave this unfortunate part of your life behind. She'll be in good hands. I'll give her to an Enforcer or something…" The Director dropped her gaze, and muttered, "I'm sure at least one of them is insane enough to volunteer…"
There was a tiny note of confusion in Ritsuka's mind, but he stared down at Ruby in his hand anyway. She sat there, apparently waiting for his decision.
This was all… too confusing.
Of course it was. He wasn't a magus, or even someone used to all this like Mash. He was just some guy. What was he playing at, gallivanting around being a Magical Boy? It was time to grow up.
Olga Marie reached out her hand, raising an eyebrow expectantly. "I won't wait forever, Mr Fujimaru. I don't want to take Magical Ruby from you, but I will if you force me. I would prefer, however, that you recognise your limitations, give her to me of your own free will, and move on with your life. It's time to grow up. Break your contract with Magical Ruby."
The tension in the room rose, an unbearable pressure. Ritsuka's hand raised, almost without him thinking about it, just from the sheer weight of expectation. The most natural thing in the world was to hand over Ruby. Of course that was how it should go. To not do that, to hesitate even as much as he was right now felt like… like opening a door marked 'no entry', like shouting in a library, like… going off-script in a play.
Ritsuka handed over Ruby… that was how it should go.
But.
He just didn't want to.
"I… would rather… fix this, Director," he said, forcing the words out. "I… still want to help…"
Olga Marie stayed frozen, her hand outstretched. "I won't wait forever, Mr Fujimaru. I don't want to take Magical Ruby from you, but I will if you force me. I would prefer, however, that you recognise your limitations, give her to me of your own free will, and move on with your life. It's time to grow up. Break your contract with Magical Ruby."
Ritsuka blinked. It was, word-for-word, what she'd said last time. Again the pressure, again the feeling like he was swimming upstream, but that little note of confusion was louder this time, and it helped him shake it off.
"No, Director. This is my mess, and I'll be the one to clean it up. I work well with Ruby, and I hope she'd agree I'm good to her. I think continuing would be what Sapphire would have wanted." He took a deep breath, gaining steam. Once he'd started, it was so much easier to keep going.
"This… isn't real, is it? It's a scene, a play. That's why I can't remember anything from before I got here. That's why you're acting so weird. That's why Ruby hasn't said a thing, and why she's just a stick when she usually likes to float around. It's all to target me – to get me to give up Ruby freely.
"And, whoever you are, whyever you're trying to do this, I'm not going to. I know I'm not a perfect fit for this Magical Boy thing. Maybe someone else would have been better, I don't know. But I'm who you've got, Director. I know I'm just a kid, and I know I sometimes like to mess around, but I've never treated this like a joke. I really do want to help. And…" An image of Mash rose up in his mind.
"I do have things to fight for. It's true that I could do better. I will do better. But giving up at the first hurdle isn't who I am. It isn't who you'd want me to be. You, and Ruby, and Mr El-Melloi II, and Mash, have all helped me so much, ever since I got here. I want to help you out too. And I'll do it the only way I can."
He took a step back, and raised Ruby. "I am Kaleido Garnet, and I think I have somewhere to be. Set up!"
And the Director's office shattered around him.
Ritsuka landed on his feet, and looked around.
This… was not where he'd expected to be.
After shattering the illusion of the Director's office, it was an easy step to think back to where he might have been caught – so Ritsuka had been expecting to find himself back in the Globe Theatre. Hopefully… before Berserker – if it even was Berserker – had attacked. His failure to protect Mash and Sapphire was part of the setup, to make him feel like a failure and crush his spirit so he'd hand over all his protection and allow the Card to kill him easily. So, out of the illusion, he should be back at the theatre.
This, on the other hand, looked very much like his old place back in Japan.
He was in his costume as Kaleido Garnet, he could feel that without needing to look down. (The way his circulation was cut off below his thighs was usually a clue. Those trousers were really tight.)
"You good, Ruby?" he said.
"Hi, Master! Lost you there for a minute. We're in an illusion!" said Ruby.
"Yep, kinda got that. What's the last thing you remember?"
"We were hunting the Card, then you and Mash just stopped – stood still, didn't respond to anything. Sapphire and I weren't sure what to do, so she's handling physical protection while I try to dig around your mind and get you back. And I have! I'm totally the best!"
Ritsuka shivered. "You're rummaging around inside my head? I'm not sure I like the sound of that." Ruby was not exactly the most subtle Mystic Code ever. Hopefully she'd manage to keep the brain damage to a minimum.
"Well, it didn't work until just now. I felt a massive boost in our connection, but I have no idea why. Theoretically, strong feelings of affection and appreciation would cause something like that, but, you know. Not exactly an expert on those over here."
"Is that a fact?"
"Yeah! It was weird. It was like I was, you know, welcome. Probably something the Card did. It's not something I ever experienced before, that's for sure."
Ritsuka stroked Ruby's haft with his fingers, earning a disconcerting purring noise from the stick. "Can't imagine why. So, how do we go about breaking this illusion?"
Ruby's wand head spun around in delight. "Oh, don't you worry about that, Master! I'm diverting all your energy to raising your Magic Resistance – sooner or later, you should be able to throw it off yourself. Probably later, because we're having to build it up over time here. Your circuits, you know how it is."
Well, that was comforting to know. So all he had to do was wait? If this was still an illusion from the Card, it would probably be a bad idea to look around anyway. The most sensible thing to do would be to just ignore it all.
But that sounded boring, and Ruby wouldn't let anything too drastic happen, so Ritsuka went for a little explore.
It was pretty much exactly as he remembered it. The same wallpaper, the same pictures in the same places, that little dent in the ceiling where his father had bounced him too hard as a baby.
Hm. In hindsight, maybe that did explain a lot.
In any case, it was all exactly correct. Ritsuka was pretty sure he'd never had any weird magical cards around his house, so this was probably all copied straight from his memory. Oh, man, was the Card about to try and confront him with his greatest failures or something? He did not have time for this.
"How are you doing with fortifying my mind, Ruby?"
"Working on it, Master!"
There was no-one in the house, so he went downstairs and opened the front door. It was raining outside, and the street was painted a dull, dismal grey. Clouds the colour of iron were reflected in the puddles and rivulets of the street, the image shivering under a constant torrent of raindrops. Across the road, under a streetlight, a girl stood, sniffling and wiping her eyes with her sleeve.
"You left her behind," came a voice from nowhere, somehow managing to sound both insidious and bombastic, like a town crier with a grudge. Ritsuka jumped, and looked around, but he and the girl were the only people present. "She thought you had a connection, but you never felt the same way, so you just cut her out of your life."
For some reason, Ritsuka felt compelled to defend himself. "Saionji and I ended things perfectly amicably… once she'd calmed down and we'd gotten her to sign the restraining order. Also, it wasn't raining when she had her little… episode." He stopped, and peered at the crying girl. "… that is Saionji, right? I'm pretty sure I only had a few actual stalkers, and her hair isn't the right colour for that to be Ryuugu…"
The scene shifted. Now Ritsuka found himself standing in a park in the rain, embracing another girl he vaguely remembered. They parted, and the perspective shifted. From this angle, Ritsuka saw how the smile fell off the girl's face, and how her eyes filled with tears, as soon as she turned away from him. Tears mixed with raindrops as she ran away.
"So many connections, made and broken. Is it simply cruel fate? Or are you the common factor here? What is it that drives you to push people away?"
"Um, nope. This isn't right either," Ritsuka said, shaking his head. "For one thing, it wasn't raining, again. Is… is rain the only way you know how to do pathos?"
The clouds parted, allowing a solitary ray of sunshine to illuminate Ritsuka.
"Uh-huh. Also, again, Konoe and I weren't right for each other, and we kept in touch. Also, pretty sure she was gay. No pushing away required. Your examples are bad and you should feel bad."
"Did you ever really care at all?" continued the voice, apparently ignoring Ritsuka's totally valid points. "Normal people treasure bonds. But you lived life lightheartedly, nothing making an impression, no-one really mattering to you. You mattered to them, but that meant nothing to you either."
Once more, the scene shifted. Now Ritsuka was in a classroom – to be specific, his high school classroom.
Hah! The Card must have been really reaching for ideas. Ritsuka had only had to turn down six confessions in this classroom, and of those, he'd even managed to stay good friends with two of the girls involved, and one of the guys.
… the Card might have something of a point, Ritsuka was willing to admit.
But there was no tearful confession, no booming voice castigating Ritsuka for leaving behind a trail of broken hearts that, sure, he probably should look up on Insta to check how they were doing. Instead, the lights dimmed, and the window got very clear. Outside, an aeroplane flew by, just as it might on any other day.
Ritsuka's breath stilled.
"And what did you do? When the weight of broken friendships grew too great, when there wasn't a person in your life you hadn't disappointed in some way, what did you do?"
The aeroplane continued tracing its path in the sky. Ritsuka knew it well. It was the 1430 flight from Tokyo Haneda to London Heathrow, and he'd watched it out his classroom window a hundred times. He'd imagined what life was life, on the other side of the world. How the people lived. What they did with themselves every day.
"You left. Was there truly so little keeping you in Japan? What could you possibly find here, that you had to run so far to get it?"
"It's not like that."
"It's exactly like that, Ritsuka Fujimaru. You couldn't handle the pressure, so you decided to run to the other side of the world, forsake all ties, and become a Magical Boy, of all things. Not that you're childish, or anything."
Ritsuka didn't reply immediately. Eventually, he said, "You're a lot more responsive than you were a minute ago."
Ruby piped up from his hand. "Yeah, sorry, it's taking what it needs from your head. I'm almost done kicking it out, don't give up!"
"Thanks, Ruby." Ritsuka turned away from the window. "You want to come out and talk face to face? Your illusions are getting weaker and weaker, and I don't think you have all that much to work with any more. Your best shot was when you tried to make me think I'd gotten Sapphire killed. Now that I know it's an illusion, there's really not a whole lot you can do to me. Come on, stop with the memories already."
There was a long pause. "Alright."
The door slid open, and a girl walked in. Ritsuka braced himself for yet another old flame or friend he'd fallen out of touch with, but he didn't recognise this new person at all. He felt he would have remembered her – red hair and gold eyes was not a common combination in Japan.
She was wearing what looked like the girls' uniform at Ritsuka's high school, which was… a bit confusing. Ritsuka didn't know what he was expecting when confronting an evil Heroic Spirit possessing his mind, but this wasn't it. How had it arrived at that appearance?
It probably wasn't important.
The girl sat herself down on a desk and smoothed her skirt. "You've locked me out of a lot of your head. But I saw into it – you know you're not ready for this."
"We've been through this. I choose to be Kaleido Garnet, because right now I'm the one who can be. I'm not perfect for the job, but I'll get it done."
"Except, as you saw, this is not a game. I showed you a scene based on what you feared, but tell me it can't happen for real. How can you possibly promise you'll protect those around you? You're weak, and you know it."
Ritsuka smiled. "It's not all about strength. El-Melloi's been working with me-"
"To make up for what you lack. To paper over the cracks. Fundamentally, you aren't suited for this. And when – not if – something happens, you will wish you had given up the stick when you had the chance. Is your pride worth compromising Mash Kyrielight's safety?"
"It's not pride. I have a responsibility-"
"No, you are enjoying yourself as a Saturday morning cartoon hero. There is no reason why you cannot give up Magical Ruby other than that you yourself refuse to do it, and many reasons why she and Mash would be better off with a stronger partner."
"We work well together. That's a genuine talent I have, you can't deny that. No-one else would get along with Ruby the way I do, you saw how she acted with Ms Tohsaka."
"I'm sure that will be a great comfort to Mash Kyrielight as she bleeds out on the floor of some Mirror World pocket. You'll be too weak to have protected her, but at least you'll have had a grand old time with Ruby as you did it." The girl smirked back, nastily.
… it was unpleasant, having to argue with something in your mind. Using someone's own inner arguments against them had to be cheating.
Ritsuka was spared from having to think of something else to say by Ruby. "Okay, we're about ready to go, Master! One more effort of will should do it."
The red-haired girl threw up her hands. "Oh, look at that. Things have gotten difficult, so Fujimaru Ritsuka is going to cut and run. Again."
Ritsuka glared at the girl – the Card. "Okay, I think that's about enough out of you. Let's take this outside."
He closed his eyes.
When he opened them, he was back in the Globe, on the stage. Mash stood beside him, her eyes unfocused and Sapphire – in the form of that cross-shaped shield – held limply in her hand. A faint blue sparkling bubble surrounded them.
Outside that bubble was the Card.
It looked like a middle-aged man in fine green clothing, with a book in one hand and a quill in the other. A red beard was visible under a wide-brimmed hat, but its eyes were shaded – that was sort of a theme for these fake Heroic Spirits, apparently.
Well, it fit for the Phantom, and for the Shielder Card judging from how Mash had described it. The Archer Card hadn't really stuck around long enough for Ritsuka to notice any details.
When the Card saw Ritsuka snap out of its illusion, it took a half-step back.
"Yeah, that's about right," said Ritsuka. "Sapphire, you can go ahead and wake Mash up. I got this."
"Understood, Master Ritsuka."
He turned back to the Card. "Okay, time to wrap this up," he said. "I'm going to seal you, and then you're going between my asscheeks, you horrible piece of cardboard."
The Card tapped the book with its quill, and four copies of it appeared, running in all directions. The five copies of the Card ducked and wove between the pillars –
-and were speared through by five thin beams of pink light. Four vanished. The one left didn't seem too injured – or injured at all, actually – but it stopped and turned.
It raised its book, only to be met with a hail of small sharp shards. Covering its head with its hands, it ducked behind a pillar.
… this was kind of underwhelming, frankly. The Phantom had been way faster, and way more aggressive. Ritsuka was pretty sure this was the Caster Card, now – with Ruby putting everything she had into magical defence, it didn't really have anything to fall back on. Rituska started charging up a blast to finish the job.
There was a muffled sound from behind the pillar, as of someone slamming a cross-shaped shield into it very hard. A little dust fell from the rafters, and Mash walked out into view.
"That was my least favourite card yet," she said, changing Sapphire back into a stick. "Hi, senpai! Thanks for getting Sapphire to break me out, it was easy once she showed me how you and Ruby did it."
"Um, no problem," Ritsuka said. He didn't lower Ruby, or stop charging up the pink blast. "Mash, you trust me, right?"
"Of course, senpai!" Her smile was just as cheerful as Ritsuka remembered it. Exactly as cheerful.
"Awesome. I'm going to shoot you now."
A blast of energy scored the stage where Mash had been standing. "Senpai, what- huh?" she said, the very picture of adorable confusion. "Are you still under Caster's spell? Ruby, snap him out of it!"
Aaauugh. "Look," said Ritsuka. "I'm like ninety-nine percent sure you're the Card, so hold still and let me shoot you. Mash would be fine, and she knows that, and she knows that I can heal her afterwards anyway. It's over."
"Senpai, you're being scary…" Mash approached, very carefully, as if trying not to spook a horse. "You're confused. I already beat the Caster Card, okay? I know the illusions were horrible. But everything is fine."
Ritsuka hesitated. It really sounded like Mash. And acted like her, and she was close enough that he could smell the perfume she used and it smelled like her… Ruby dipped down a fraction.
"That's it," said Mash soothingly. "It's all okay."
"You really beat the Card?" Ritsuka said.
"Really really!"
"Okay." Ritsuka took a breath. "Could you show me it please? So I know it's sealed. Show me the sealed Card and then we can go."
Mash stopped, tears welling up. "You… don't trust me, senpai?"
For a single second Ritsuka wanted to power down Ruby and just pat his cute roommate on the head and tell her everything would be okay.
Then he brought Ruby round and unloaded everything into Mash's face.
The Card's illusion was the first thing to shred, revealing it preparing a blow with its fist. Then it was blasted backwards, then disappeared behind the torrent of pink light. Ritsuka didn't let up until he saw the flash of brown that was the Card. He kept Ruby trained on it until he picked it up.
"This the real thing?" he asked.
"Yep! One hundred percent Caster Card, five thousand percent gaslighting douche, all sealed up and ready to go."
"Good."
Then he lowered Ruby.
Over by the side of the stage, Mash appeared behind whatever illusion Caster had done to make her disappear. She still looked groggy, but was definitely shaking off the last of whatever the Card had done to her. Ritsuka went over.
"Hey, you," he said.
Mash's face lit up. "Senpai! You beat the Card all by yourself, that's amazing!"
"Eh, it wasn't all that." Ritsuka rubbed the back of his head, embarrassed. "You know, it tried to fool me by making me think it was you."
"I saw," Mash nodded. "How did you know it was fake?"
"Oh, I didn't," Ritsuka assured her. "I just figured, hey, even if I'm wrong, what's to lose? Worst case, I get to move into the larger bedroom in the apartment." He grinned, but faltered when Mash didn't pout or protest like he expected her to.
Instead, her face fell. "Right…" she said. "What's to lose…" Her eyes lost focus – whatever she was seeing, it wasn't the Globe stage.
Oh, crap. Ritsuka didn't know if it was something the Caster Card had brought up, or if he just really wasn't as funny as he thought he was, but he needed damage control, immediately.
He bopped Mash on the head with Ruby.
"Ow!"
"Stop being silly," he said. "If you go, who'll remind me to do the washing up?" An image of a classroom, and red hair, flashed behind his eyes, and he shook himself. This was no time to be confusing. He sighed. "Of course I couldn't do any of this without you. I don't know if I maybe haven't said this enough, but you are literally the best human I know. No Card can possibly replace you, and don't you forget it."
Mash smiled uncertainly. "The… best human?"
"The very best. Come on, let's get out of here. I was always more into film than theatre anyway."
And they left, the collapsing Mirror World closing the curtain on the third Card.
(Fourth, counting Shielder, which Ritsuka still wasn't sure if he did.)
"Ah, you're back!" said the Director, as Ritsuka and Mash walked into her office. "You've been gone a while. Everything alright?"
Ritsuka reached behind himself, produced the Card, and threw it onto her desk. "I have a new least favourite thing."
"What was your old least favourite thing?" asked Ruby. There was a couple of seconds of pointed silence. "Oh, I see how it is. Ha, ha. Very funny, Master."
"It was that bad?" asked the Director, raising an eyebrow. "Yikes."
"Yeah, this thing's Noble Phantasm is… not fun," said Ritsuka. He didn't really feel like going into it just now. Beside him, Mash nodded emphatically.
The Director, on the other hand, perked up. "Oh? You mean we finally have another Card that's useful as an Include?"
"Um…" Ritsuka thought about it. On the one hand, the Card's illusions had been total, delving deep into multiple sets of memories to dig out their darkest fears and beat its victims over the head with them. It was a scary and versatile power, that made all differences in strength irrelevant. It was actually kind of perfect for going up against Heroic Spirits, because it could simply hammer on their psychological flaws without having to actually fight them.
On the other hand, they weren't up against proper Heroic Spirits. They were up against the Class Cards, and it was… kind of unclear as to whether they even had minds in the first place. The Caster Card had mostly borrowed Ritsuka's mind to argue with him. The Phantom had certainly acted outraged when Mash rejected it, but maybe it was just acting out its legend on autopilot…
"Sorry," he said. "I think it's another bust, Director. We are really not having the best luck, are we?"
"No… hm. I'll talk to the Association and see if we can do something about this. In the meantime, good work, you two. Get yourselves back to your apartment, you've earned a rest."
"Will do. First though…"
Oh, look at that. Things have gotten difficult, so Fujimaru Ritsuka is going to cut and run. Again.
Yes, the Caster Card might have had a point.
Ritsuka smiled, and brought out his phone.
"It's been a while since I called home. It's good to keep in touch with friends."
Chapter 10 - In which authorial favouritism is definitely not a thing
- Location
- Probably at sea
They say you can liven up any story – any story, no matter the genre – by making sure the second sentence is 'then the murders began'.
Then the murders began.
… no, that didn't work. Well, there we have it folks, this story is clearly irredeemable. Join us next week, where this story will be replaced with a quest starring everyone's favourite serial killer from Zero.
Oh, that won't work either. I don't have nearly enough time to run a quest on top of everything else. Looks like we'll have to keep on trucking with this barrel of bonkers. But if we can't have murders, how shall we liven it up?
Well, I suppose I could shamelessly introduce more cameo characters? No, it won't be too bloated, don't know what you're talking about. And swearing! Swearing makes you look big and clever, everyone knows that, so we can open on it, maybe, really start the chapter off with a bang. Maybe I can really lean into the gags, too, try and earn this humour tag.
On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't worry so much. We're only killing time between big-budget Servant battles, after all, and at least I'm not devoting a whole episode to grade schoolers reading BL doujin, 2wei Herz.
We should probably just get started.
"Bastards!" Olga Marie's fist thumped down on the table, scattering paper everywhere. "Bastarding bastardy bastards!"
"Um, Director…" said Mash. "People are looking…"
Olga Marie glared round the small café. Everyone who had stopped what they were doing to stare at the dignified Lord swearing like a sailor suddenly found themselves very interested in their tea and cake. With a small huff, Olga Marie turned back and glowered down at the letter that had prompted her outburst.
They weren't in her office, for once. The Clock Tower and its various faculties sprawled all throughout London, and each campus had at least one spot – a café, a bar, a lounge – where its students and professors liked to chill out when not in class. Some were owned and ran by the Association itself, but mostly it was just a case of magi claiming the prime spots nearby to where they worked. It made a change from the usual scenery, and even magi had to let the maids in to clean sometime.
As you might expect from places which catered mainly to the aristocracy, prices were extraordinary. Yes, even for London. Ritsuka was very glad his boss was paying for this mid-morning excursion, because looking at the menu had him wondering which organs he could afford to sell off.
It was nice to be out, though.
It also usually seemed to have a calming effect on the Director, less because she enjoyed the surroundings and more because she abjectly refused to show anything less than perfect decorum in public. Paperwork-induced rage battled with generations of training in 'keeping up appearances', and the sheer weight of noblesse oblige usually won out. Usually.
Not today, though, apparently. To have prompted such a reaction in public…
"What's the matter, Director?" asked Mash.
"It's about your Installs," said Olga Marie, tossing an official-looking letter over to the pair to read.
Mash picked it up. "Oh no, the other Lords refused your request?"
"Worse." Olga Marie stabbed her cake with her fork. "If they had, I could have just cited the necessity of using the Cards' full power and had the Wizard Marshal lean in on our behalf to lay down the law. You can't keep on using Includes forever, that's pretty obvious by now. Maybe if we had actually gotten a useful Noble Phantasm…"
That wasn't entirely fair, Ritsuka thought. Shielder's… shield, was very useful indeed. Caster's First Folio was one of the most powerful tools for mental attacks that existed in this modern era – it was just useless against the mindless Cards. As for the Assassin Card, Ritsuka was sure he could find some use for a giant pipe organ made of people that fired magical energy blasts. Possibly by dropping it on people?
Archer's self-destruct button was getting nowhere near Ruby as long as he had something to say about it, though.
"So… they're letting us practice using full Installs?" Mash checked.
"Oh yes. But, as you might imagine, it's all gone political." The Director glowered. "Basically, the Aristocratic faction has mostly aligned behind Animusphere, but the Neutral faction has protested the idea of 'untrained elements running amok with the power afforded by Heroic Spirits' in their city, ruining their peace and quiet."
"We wouldn't do that!" protested Mash.
Ritsuka thought about the Kaleidostick in his bag. "Yes," he said. "Peace and quiet is what we're all about."
"The Democratic faction, at least, is staying out of it, or at any rate they're split down the middle, not that I'd expect anything less from a bunch of wishy-washy bleeding hearts like them..."
This looked like it was gearing up to be one of the Director's rants, so Ritsuka took a moment to zone out.
After discovering his newfound drive to take this whole thing seriously, Ritsuka had gone up to Olga Marie and asked her to explain the Clock Tower's political situation to him. She'd beamed at him, and immediately sat him down and launched into the most involved political breakdown he'd ever had. There had been charts and graphs.
After she'd talked at him for a full hour, he'd smiled and nodded and fled the room as fast as he could to find Mash, who actually explained how things worked. So, he actually followed the Director's explanation here.
It went like this: the Democratic faction, who weren't the Neutral faction but were aristocrats, were staying neutral, unlike the Neutral faction, who were also aristocrats but weren't democratic. The Aristocratic faction, meanwhile, who were neither neutral nor democratic but made up for it by being super aristocratic, had decided to back the two non-magus commoner teenagers.
This whole magus thing was easy, when you got down to it.
Ritsuka tuned back in, to find the Director still talking.
"…among some families and specialisations, there's quite a lot of interest. It being you two rather than someone from Animusphere has helped a lot; having new blood work with Heroic Spirits rather than keeping it to the old family lines fits with their philosophy. Some of them wanted to meet with you, to decide, actually."
Ritsuka perked up. "Oh, that sounds nice! When are we meeting with them?"
Some people might have accused Ritsuka of being 'a bit of a social butterfly'. Others might have better described him as 'a Labrador puppy that walks like a man'. Personally, Ritsuka couldn't see it.
"What? Of course you're not meeting them." Olga Marie looked at Ritsuka like he was mad. Ritsuka deflated, and Mash reached up to pat his head consolingly.
… maybe there was something to the Labrador puppy theory after all.
"I fended off any nonsense about meetings with any other Lords as soon as I could," said Olga Marie. "They're magi, Ritsuka. They want to get their grubby little fingers on the power of the Cards, and they'll do anything to get a hold over you. Trying to trick you into debt, looking for blackmail material, maybe even hypnosis if they're really crude about it… there are all kinds of things they might try. I'd say they'd go for a seduction attempt and try to capture you that way, but…"
She looked at Mash and Ritsuka. "I don't think we have anything to worry about there."
Ritsuka and Mash looked at each other, blushed, and edged their chairs a little further apart.
"So, are we or aren't we allowed to start practicing?" said Ritsuka. "Or do we need to wait for the other Lords' decision?"
"That was the decision. You're allowed, so congratulations for that." The Director didn't seem to look very happy about it.
Mash cheered. "That's great news!"
The Director gave a frosty smile. "Yes, quite. However, there is a caveat. You are only allowed to Install – or even practice Installs, or even think about maybe picking up those sticks and waving them in the direction of the Cards – under the direct supervision of one of the Twelve Lords of the Clock Tower, and only after submitting to an evaluation to gain their approval."
"But… that's you, right? You can just supervise us. And evaluate us, and approve of us. …right?" Ritsuka flinched from the glare the Director levelled his way.
"Yes! I could!" She slammed her hand down on the mountain of paperwork on her table, making the plates rattle. "But mysteriously, as soon as that decision was made, Policies decides to give the Astromancy department a full audit, Archaeology decides to lodge a complaint against the Animusphere use of our facility in Antarctica, and Lore floods me with petitions to examine every artefact in our possession. My workload has tripled – I'm on an eighteen-hour working day at the moment, and that's after I asked Kirschtaria to help out!"
Around the room, every one of the other patrons was silent for a moment, before pretending they hadn't heard the rich young woman have a tantrum in a public. Ritsuka had assumed at first it was a magus thing, then he was pretty sure it was some skill taught only to the aristocracy. Now, he was pretty sure it was just British people being British.
Obviously none of them enjoyed having their lovely Sunday afternoon ruined by a loud and obnoxious young woman (to describe the Director charitably), but actually confronting her would be terribly embarrassing. If someone else were to do it, they would all nod along with expressions of sober solemnity hiding their pure glee at a Rude Person Being Rightfully Told Off, but no-one would ever think to actually be the ones to confront her themselves. So everyone just shook their heads in private, said nothing, and waited until they were home to say things like 'gosh, wasn't she awful?'
Ritsuka was settling in to British culture just fine, thanks for asking.
"The other Lords are trying to stop us from going ahead with Installs?" said Mash. "But I thought they agreed to help! Why would they say yes and then immediately make it impossible?"
The Director sighed in exasperation. "Obviously, the whole point of this is to prevent me from actually doing anything myself, and to let everyone else get their claws in by extorting you for favours in return for passing your evaluation. And I can't do anything about it, because technically they're doing me a favour by letting you Install at all. Argh, I should have known it'd turn out like this when I asked… and Animusphere doesn't have any connections I can draw on anymore without putting me even further in debt…" She kneaded her head with her hands.
Mash raised a hand, as if she were in class. "Um, Director, what about Lord El-Melloi II? You seem to get on well, and he's already supervising Ritsuka's training. Couldn't we get him to take us through Installs as well?"
Ritsuka thought this was a great idea. The Director, apparently did not, because her face got very, very pale.
"You… had Lord El-Melloi II actually teaching you?" she asked, in the tone of someone hoping to be told they didn't just hear what they definitely, definitely did hear. "Not just helping out with administration, not just providing basic guidance, actually teaching you?"
"Did we not mention it?" Ritsuka thought back. Nope, they might have forgotten to tell the Director that they were getting tips from the other Lord. "Huh. Well, anyway, we are. So that's all good, right? We know it won't be someone trying to do weird experiments on us or something, at least. Lord El-Melloi II seems like a really good teacher, actually, from what I've seen."
"Oh, he is," said Olga Marie, distractedly. She searched through her piles of paper, looking increasingly frantic. "Lord El-Melloi II's one of the best teachers in the whole Clock Tower. What he isn't, is Lord El-Melloi II." She folded her arms, and refused to elaborate.
Ritsuka was very confused, but he felt like there was a long explanation coming already and really didn't want to make it any longer. "Yes, that makes perfect sense," he said.
Fortunately, Mash jumped in. "I think I heard about this," she said. "He was only supposed to be a temporary Lord until his adopted sister, the actual head of the El-Melloi, came of age. Only, she got kind of used to a life with all the privileges of a Lord and none of the responsibility, and forced him deeper into her debt so he had no choice but to carry on doing all the actual work…"
Olga Marie winced, and held out a piece of paper. "Yes. Look here. Notice anything?"
Ritsuka waited a couple of seconds, to see if the Director was joking. "… still can't read English, Director."
Mash leapt to his rescue once again, taking the paper and scanning it quickly.
"It's the minutes of the meeting that the Director called about us. It says the initial suggestion that Installs be supervised by a Lord came from… El-Melloi? But… Mr Velvet could have just asked…"
"Yeah." Said the Director grimly. "I'm guessing he was told to do this by his sister. She's an old acquaintance, actually. She's reliable when it counts, trustworthy in her own way, and an absolute conniving bitch. Just, the worst. This is exactly the kind of thing she'd do if she heard about you two, just to twist the knife a little further and watch me squirm. If she's taking an interest, then this changes everything…" she sighed. "…is what I'd like to say, but the truth is El-Melloi has us over a barrel.
"Just… go and visit Lord El-Melloi II, and see what his sister wants." She looked at them seriously. "Just remember – go straight to Waver with this. He, at least, can be trusted to be reasonable. If at all possible, don't talk to his sister. She'll have you all tied up in knots before you know it."
Ritsuka and Mash nodded.
"Good luck."
With a certain level of trepidation, Ritsuka and Mash knocked on the door to Waver Velvet's office in the Department of Modern Magecraft. Olga Marie had refused to elaborate any further on the subject of the true Lord El-Melloi, so Ritsuka was forced to assume she was twelve feet tall and breathed fire. She sounded rather like the sort of thing Magical Boys like him were supposed to fight, in fact.
Maybe next season. One arc at a time was the way to do things, or everything got all confusing.
Beside him, Mash seemed to share his anxiety. "I know we've been here before, but it seems different now we know they actually want something with us. Anything could be waiting behind that door… but I know we can face it together, senpai!"
She peered at the door, from behind which no answer had come. "… should we knock again?"
They knocked again, louder.
Once again, there was no reply.
"Can I help you?" came a voice from behind them.
Ritsuka turned. The voice came from a blonde woman, dressed in simple but fine blue clothes. She looked maybe late twenties – so, basically middle aged as far as Ritsuka Fujimaru, actual teenager was concerned – but the mischievous gleam in her blue-green eyes did a lot to make her look younger.
"That depends," Ritsuka said. "Are you good at knocking on doors?"
The woman smiled nastily. "Poor to average, but my maid is spectacular. But, if you want to get in touch with Lord El-Melloi II, perhaps I can be of assistance in another way. I should warn you, he doesn't take kindly to students dropping in outside of office hour."
"Oh, we're not students," Ritsuka said. "I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, and this is Mash Kyrielight."
"You can call me Reines," said the woman. She paused, as though waiting for some kind of reaction. If so, she was going to be disappointed, because Ritsuka had never heard of anyone by that name. Still, that was no reason to be unfriendly.
"Nice to meet you!" he said. "We are looking for Lord El-Melloi II, though, as it happens – I think he's expecting us?"
"It's about magical things," Mash said in a hushed whisper.
"…you don't say."
Mash flushed, and poked her fingers together. "Well, I couldn't say 'magical girl' things, because it's not just me any more, and saying 'magical girl and boy things' makes it sound like I'm soliciting him…"
The gleam in Reines' eyes intensified. "Ah, he did mention someone like that would be dropping by. So you're the ones?" She looked Ritsuka up and down with a fascinated expression. Mash stepped very slightly closer to him.
"Yes! Yes, we're probably the ones, if you're expecting any number of ones at all," said Mash in a rush. She paused, apparently checking if what she'd said had made any sense. "Um, do you know where the Lord is?"
"Oh, yes!" said Reines. "He's not in his office, but I can take you to him… for a price, naturally."
Ah. This woman had been so friendly Ritsuka had begun to wonder if she was actually a magus. This was more like it.
"We're not available for experiments or odd jobs," recited Mash, giving the standard response the Director had drilled into them for just such an occasion, "We can only do children's parties if you give us a week's notice, and we're not responsible for anything the Kaleidosticks take it into their heads to do. Otherwise, please contact Lord Animusphere for all Magical Girl-slash-Boy-brackets-delete-as-appropriate-close-brackets requests."
It took a couple of seconds, while it all sank in, but eventually Reines giggled, and nodded. "Fair, very fair indeed! Very well then, no children's parties. Instead, how about you tell me all about how you came to be such dashing heroes? I have such an interest in that sort of thing. Please? Otherwise I shall simply have to leave you to wander these halls and make you late for your meeting, which would be terribly embarrassing both to you and to El-Melloi… hmm, actually that sounds like a hilarious option as well…"
Oh good. It looked like this woman was both ruthlessly mercenary and eccentric to the point of incomprehensibility. Ritsuka had been worried for a while, but their guide fit in way too well in the Clock Tower to be anyone really suspicious. Probably she was a student of Waver's.
He looked at Mash, who shrugged.
"Okay," he said. "Lead on, MacDuff."
"Um, senpai, it's 'lay on, MacDuff'," put in Mash. Ritsuka looked at her, surprised, and she blushed. "I… didn't have much to do, when I was young, so I read. A lot. That phrase is from the final battle, after Macbeth learns MacDuff was not of woman born and is able to kill him…" She closed her eyes, and put one hand on her chest in the industry-standard 'I am acting now' pose.
"'Lay on, MacDuff, and cursed be he who first cries hold, enough'. Basically, saying he'll fight even though he knows he'll die, and refusing to give up even so."
Reines laughed lightly, as she started them off through the corridors of the Faculty of Modern Magecraft. "Ah, now that is my favourite type of hero."
"Determined?" Ritsuka asked.
"Doomed." Reines turned, and gave them a wicked grin. "Nothing pleases me more than when some righteous fool ties himself up in knots and brings around his own downfall. Although, I wouldn't put myself in MacDuff's role. Hmm, not Lady Macbeth either, far too guilt-ridden to be me… it's the wrong play, but honestly, I'd like to think I'm more of an Iago figure. Without the getting caught, naturally." She giggled, hiding an evil smile behind an elegant glove.
Mash squeaked and edged away from the scary aristocrat.
Ritsuka was completely lost. "Sorry, I'm sure that was probably very ominous, but I, uh, haven't actually seen any Shakespeare plays."
"Not a fan?"
An image of Mash in hospital flashed through Ritsuka's head. "You could say that. Call it personal differences with the author."
"Hm?" Reines studied Ritsuka intently, then blinked and turned her back, leading them round a corner and down a flight of narrow spiral stairs. "Fair enough. How did you two meet, anyway? I'm guessing it wasn't at your book club, with how differently you two feel about literature."
Mash brightened. "Oh! Well, it all started when the Director said I should be more independent. I moved out of the Clock Tower to find a flat of my own…"
So, because it was the price of a journey, and because it felt actually kind of nice to just talk to someone about all this, Ritsuka and Mash went through their last couple of months with a mysterious and definitely evil stranger. The offer from the Wizard Marshal, using Sapphire to fight the Shielder Card, Ritsuka joining up by accident, and every stupid, wonderful thing from that point on.
Reines seemed especially interested in their setbacks, laughing all too hard at the Kaleidosticks' pranking of Rin Tohsaka and at their… indiscretion on stage at Her Majesty's Theatre. She was especially interested, however, in their suffering at the hands of the Caster Card. She wasn't the only one.
"It made you think I was injured because of your mistake?" said Mash, hands over her mouth. "Oh, senpai…"
Ritsuka rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat rise up it. "Um…" Now that he had actually done it, it felt very revealing to say out loud the insecurities that the Card had laid bare. He especially didn't want Mash to read anything into it that wasn't there… which would be all well and good if he himself was sure of what that was.
"I'm pretty sure it just dug up the most painful thing it could think of – or rather, the most painful thing I could think of, which is, like, way worse – to try and make me stop," he said. "But, I didn't. This is what I decided to do."
For a moment, the only noise was of their footsteps on pavement. Reines had led them outside, through a maze of back streets and alleys. The bustle of the campus had given way to a sleepy quiet – there were no tourists here, and the only sign of life was the occasional shop owner or café staff tending empty tables. Ritsuka was totally lost, but their guide seemed pretty sure where she was going. If he weren't a Magical Boy Ritsuka might have been worried about an ambush, but he was pretty sure Ruby would warn him about anything dangerous.
Well, Sapphire would, at any rate. She was very responsible like that.
"Interesting," said Reines. "So, what is it you actually want to achieve? As in, you personally, not Animusphere."
Mash fidgeted. "I owe the Director a lot. I don't really want to get into it… but she's not a bad person, and I want to help. I think she'd be a bit lonely if I wasn't here, actually."
"Mm… and you?" Reines looked at Ritsuka.
"I owe Mash a lot," he said. "I don't really want to get into it, but she's not a bad person and I want to help. I think she'd be a bit-"
"Senpai!" Mash squeaked, flushing.
"Honestly, I don't know," said Ritsuka. "I haven't thought that far ahead. Right now, collecting these Cards is something only I can do, and it helps out people that I like. After that's done, who knows? There's a whole world of magic just waiting to be explored, and I've got a pink sparkly stick that apparently is a pretty big deal. I can't see myself just putting Ruby aside and getting on with my life, so I guess this Magical Boy gig is my thing for a while longer."
Mash nodded. "It's too soon to think of what happens after we collect the Cards. But, I think I enjoy being Kaleido Amethyst. Making friends, acting to help out the Director or anyone else in trouble… I think it's something only a proper human could do properly. It's very comforting." She squirmed. "Even if I wish Sapphire didn't insist on showing quite so much skin…"
"So neither of you plan on just quietly giving up and getting on with your lives?" Reines asked.
Ritsuka and Mash both shook their heads.
Reines looked both of them over, very intently. Ritsuka had the distinct impression those eyes saw a lot more than he might have wanted to show.
"I think I'll be watching your careers with great interest," she said at last, and led them onward without elaborating.
Eventually, they arrived at an old apartment block. Reines led them straight inside without even pausing, revealing an entrance hall, all wood panelling and grand carpeting not quite hiding the peeling paint and cobwebs. By now Ritsuka was used to going straight in to places without changing shoes, but it still felt vaguely uncomfortable, especially when going into what was clearly someone else's residence.
He wiped his shoes very thoroughly on the mat, and followed Mash, feeling guilty with every step.
They arrived outside a simple-looking wooden door. Ritsuka raised a hand to knock, before their guide stopped them.
"Please, allow me," she said. "Opportunities like this come around so very rarely."
She knocked on the door… just about. More like, she lightly brushed the tips of her knuckles against the wood, making very nearly no noise at all. Then, after waiting almost a full nanosecond for a reply, she barged her way as loudly as possible into the room beyond.
"Rise and shine, brother! You have visitors, so up and at them, no time to waste!"
There was a thud and a strangled squawk from inside. Ritsuka and Mash poked their heads in to find a very dishevelled looking Lord El-Melloi II lying on the floor next to a very slept-in looking sofa, picking a book off his head and glaring at a very satisfied-looking Reines.
"Reines, what-"
"Sorry, I can't hear you over how utterly disgusting this room is," said Reines with a big grin on her face, gesturing around what was, under the piles of books, paperwork and random stuff, probably some kind of study. "Is this any way to greet guests? You can't just have Gray do all your housework forever, you know."
The dignified Lord brushed a few strands of hair out of his face and mumbled something like 'doesn't seem to mind'.
… it was possible Ritsuka was mistaken in thinking Reines was one of Lord El-Melloi II's students. You'd think the Director might have thought to give them a picture of the 'absolute bitch festival' (her words) they were supposed to avoid. Or, you know, told them her name.
"Um," Mash started.
"Oh dear, where are my manners?" said Reines, hands on her hips. "Brother, Miss Kyrielight and Mr Fujimaru wanted to speak to you about something. Probably their Installs, just as we expected they might. I've already taken the liberty of vetting them on the way here while you were sleeping in the middle of the day, you're welcome, so hurry up and start focusing on teaching them Installs already. Personally, I'd suggest having Gray help you out, as the only one of us with any experience channeling Heroic Spirits, but what do I know, I'm not the genius teacher here."
"If we didn't have guests, I'd have thrown you out the window by now," growled Waver, slowly shambling to his feet and rubbing his eyes.
Reines' shit-eating grin was one of the scariest things Ritsuka had seen in his Magical Boy career. "How lucky for you that I brought these two along then! I'd hate to have to add my medical bill to your debt… not to mention the cost for repairs to my apartment."
A louder growl came in reply, and Reines practically cackled with glee.
Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look, and started edging towards the door.
"Um," Mash continued.
Reines still wasn't done tormenting her brother. "Maybe now we can get some proper value out of your training them, rather than a vague promise to take you along to a Card they don't even know the identity of until they get there. Honestly, brother. A favour owed by two people with access to theoretically infinite magic, and the best you can do is 'just take me along when you face the Rider Card'? I'm pretty sure I taught you better than that."
"Um," Mash concluded. Sometimes Ritsuka wished he had his partner's gift with words.
Reines turned to her, that wicked gleam back in her eye. "I do apologise for the deception, but really, this is all Animusphere's fault for not properly warning you about me. Allow me to introduce myself again." She gave an elegant curtsey. "Reines El-Melloi Archisorte, pleased to meet you. I'd say 'at your service', but I rather think you're at mine now.
"That is, if you want to use these Installs I've heard so much about…"
Then the murders began.
… no, that didn't work. Well, there we have it folks, this story is clearly irredeemable. Join us next week, where this story will be replaced with a quest starring everyone's favourite serial killer from Zero.
Oh, that won't work either. I don't have nearly enough time to run a quest on top of everything else. Looks like we'll have to keep on trucking with this barrel of bonkers. But if we can't have murders, how shall we liven it up?
Well, I suppose I could shamelessly introduce more cameo characters? No, it won't be too bloated, don't know what you're talking about. And swearing! Swearing makes you look big and clever, everyone knows that, so we can open on it, maybe, really start the chapter off with a bang. Maybe I can really lean into the gags, too, try and earn this humour tag.
On the other hand, maybe I shouldn't worry so much. We're only killing time between big-budget Servant battles, after all, and at least I'm not devoting a whole episode to grade schoolers reading BL doujin, 2wei Herz.
We should probably just get started.
THE THRILLING ADVENTURES OF KALEIDO GARNET
Chapter 10 – In which authorial favouritism is definitely not a thing
Chapter 10 – In which authorial favouritism is definitely not a thing
"Bastards!" Olga Marie's fist thumped down on the table, scattering paper everywhere. "Bastarding bastardy bastards!"
"Um, Director…" said Mash. "People are looking…"
Olga Marie glared round the small café. Everyone who had stopped what they were doing to stare at the dignified Lord swearing like a sailor suddenly found themselves very interested in their tea and cake. With a small huff, Olga Marie turned back and glowered down at the letter that had prompted her outburst.
They weren't in her office, for once. The Clock Tower and its various faculties sprawled all throughout London, and each campus had at least one spot – a café, a bar, a lounge – where its students and professors liked to chill out when not in class. Some were owned and ran by the Association itself, but mostly it was just a case of magi claiming the prime spots nearby to where they worked. It made a change from the usual scenery, and even magi had to let the maids in to clean sometime.
As you might expect from places which catered mainly to the aristocracy, prices were extraordinary. Yes, even for London. Ritsuka was very glad his boss was paying for this mid-morning excursion, because looking at the menu had him wondering which organs he could afford to sell off.
It was nice to be out, though.
It also usually seemed to have a calming effect on the Director, less because she enjoyed the surroundings and more because she abjectly refused to show anything less than perfect decorum in public. Paperwork-induced rage battled with generations of training in 'keeping up appearances', and the sheer weight of noblesse oblige usually won out. Usually.
Not today, though, apparently. To have prompted such a reaction in public…
"What's the matter, Director?" asked Mash.
"It's about your Installs," said Olga Marie, tossing an official-looking letter over to the pair to read.
Mash picked it up. "Oh no, the other Lords refused your request?"
"Worse." Olga Marie stabbed her cake with her fork. "If they had, I could have just cited the necessity of using the Cards' full power and had the Wizard Marshal lean in on our behalf to lay down the law. You can't keep on using Includes forever, that's pretty obvious by now. Maybe if we had actually gotten a useful Noble Phantasm…"
That wasn't entirely fair, Ritsuka thought. Shielder's… shield, was very useful indeed. Caster's First Folio was one of the most powerful tools for mental attacks that existed in this modern era – it was just useless against the mindless Cards. As for the Assassin Card, Ritsuka was sure he could find some use for a giant pipe organ made of people that fired magical energy blasts. Possibly by dropping it on people?
Archer's self-destruct button was getting nowhere near Ruby as long as he had something to say about it, though.
"So… they're letting us practice using full Installs?" Mash checked.
"Oh yes. But, as you might imagine, it's all gone political." The Director glowered. "Basically, the Aristocratic faction has mostly aligned behind Animusphere, but the Neutral faction has protested the idea of 'untrained elements running amok with the power afforded by Heroic Spirits' in their city, ruining their peace and quiet."
"We wouldn't do that!" protested Mash.
Ritsuka thought about the Kaleidostick in his bag. "Yes," he said. "Peace and quiet is what we're all about."
"The Democratic faction, at least, is staying out of it, or at any rate they're split down the middle, not that I'd expect anything less from a bunch of wishy-washy bleeding hearts like them..."
This looked like it was gearing up to be one of the Director's rants, so Ritsuka took a moment to zone out.
After discovering his newfound drive to take this whole thing seriously, Ritsuka had gone up to Olga Marie and asked her to explain the Clock Tower's political situation to him. She'd beamed at him, and immediately sat him down and launched into the most involved political breakdown he'd ever had. There had been charts and graphs.
After she'd talked at him for a full hour, he'd smiled and nodded and fled the room as fast as he could to find Mash, who actually explained how things worked. So, he actually followed the Director's explanation here.
It went like this: the Democratic faction, who weren't the Neutral faction but were aristocrats, were staying neutral, unlike the Neutral faction, who were also aristocrats but weren't democratic. The Aristocratic faction, meanwhile, who were neither neutral nor democratic but made up for it by being super aristocratic, had decided to back the two non-magus commoner teenagers.
This whole magus thing was easy, when you got down to it.
Ritsuka tuned back in, to find the Director still talking.
"…among some families and specialisations, there's quite a lot of interest. It being you two rather than someone from Animusphere has helped a lot; having new blood work with Heroic Spirits rather than keeping it to the old family lines fits with their philosophy. Some of them wanted to meet with you, to decide, actually."
Ritsuka perked up. "Oh, that sounds nice! When are we meeting with them?"
Some people might have accused Ritsuka of being 'a bit of a social butterfly'. Others might have better described him as 'a Labrador puppy that walks like a man'. Personally, Ritsuka couldn't see it.
"What? Of course you're not meeting them." Olga Marie looked at Ritsuka like he was mad. Ritsuka deflated, and Mash reached up to pat his head consolingly.
… maybe there was something to the Labrador puppy theory after all.
"I fended off any nonsense about meetings with any other Lords as soon as I could," said Olga Marie. "They're magi, Ritsuka. They want to get their grubby little fingers on the power of the Cards, and they'll do anything to get a hold over you. Trying to trick you into debt, looking for blackmail material, maybe even hypnosis if they're really crude about it… there are all kinds of things they might try. I'd say they'd go for a seduction attempt and try to capture you that way, but…"
She looked at Mash and Ritsuka. "I don't think we have anything to worry about there."
Ritsuka and Mash looked at each other, blushed, and edged their chairs a little further apart.
"So, are we or aren't we allowed to start practicing?" said Ritsuka. "Or do we need to wait for the other Lords' decision?"
"That was the decision. You're allowed, so congratulations for that." The Director didn't seem to look very happy about it.
Mash cheered. "That's great news!"
The Director gave a frosty smile. "Yes, quite. However, there is a caveat. You are only allowed to Install – or even practice Installs, or even think about maybe picking up those sticks and waving them in the direction of the Cards – under the direct supervision of one of the Twelve Lords of the Clock Tower, and only after submitting to an evaluation to gain their approval."
"But… that's you, right? You can just supervise us. And evaluate us, and approve of us. …right?" Ritsuka flinched from the glare the Director levelled his way.
"Yes! I could!" She slammed her hand down on the mountain of paperwork on her table, making the plates rattle. "But mysteriously, as soon as that decision was made, Policies decides to give the Astromancy department a full audit, Archaeology decides to lodge a complaint against the Animusphere use of our facility in Antarctica, and Lore floods me with petitions to examine every artefact in our possession. My workload has tripled – I'm on an eighteen-hour working day at the moment, and that's after I asked Kirschtaria to help out!"
Around the room, every one of the other patrons was silent for a moment, before pretending they hadn't heard the rich young woman have a tantrum in a public. Ritsuka had assumed at first it was a magus thing, then he was pretty sure it was some skill taught only to the aristocracy. Now, he was pretty sure it was just British people being British.
Obviously none of them enjoyed having their lovely Sunday afternoon ruined by a loud and obnoxious young woman (to describe the Director charitably), but actually confronting her would be terribly embarrassing. If someone else were to do it, they would all nod along with expressions of sober solemnity hiding their pure glee at a Rude Person Being Rightfully Told Off, but no-one would ever think to actually be the ones to confront her themselves. So everyone just shook their heads in private, said nothing, and waited until they were home to say things like 'gosh, wasn't she awful?'
Ritsuka was settling in to British culture just fine, thanks for asking.
"The other Lords are trying to stop us from going ahead with Installs?" said Mash. "But I thought they agreed to help! Why would they say yes and then immediately make it impossible?"
The Director sighed in exasperation. "Obviously, the whole point of this is to prevent me from actually doing anything myself, and to let everyone else get their claws in by extorting you for favours in return for passing your evaluation. And I can't do anything about it, because technically they're doing me a favour by letting you Install at all. Argh, I should have known it'd turn out like this when I asked… and Animusphere doesn't have any connections I can draw on anymore without putting me even further in debt…" She kneaded her head with her hands.
Mash raised a hand, as if she were in class. "Um, Director, what about Lord El-Melloi II? You seem to get on well, and he's already supervising Ritsuka's training. Couldn't we get him to take us through Installs as well?"
Ritsuka thought this was a great idea. The Director, apparently did not, because her face got very, very pale.
"You… had Lord El-Melloi II actually teaching you?" she asked, in the tone of someone hoping to be told they didn't just hear what they definitely, definitely did hear. "Not just helping out with administration, not just providing basic guidance, actually teaching you?"
"Did we not mention it?" Ritsuka thought back. Nope, they might have forgotten to tell the Director that they were getting tips from the other Lord. "Huh. Well, anyway, we are. So that's all good, right? We know it won't be someone trying to do weird experiments on us or something, at least. Lord El-Melloi II seems like a really good teacher, actually, from what I've seen."
"Oh, he is," said Olga Marie, distractedly. She searched through her piles of paper, looking increasingly frantic. "Lord El-Melloi II's one of the best teachers in the whole Clock Tower. What he isn't, is Lord El-Melloi II." She folded her arms, and refused to elaborate.
Ritsuka was very confused, but he felt like there was a long explanation coming already and really didn't want to make it any longer. "Yes, that makes perfect sense," he said.
Fortunately, Mash jumped in. "I think I heard about this," she said. "He was only supposed to be a temporary Lord until his adopted sister, the actual head of the El-Melloi, came of age. Only, she got kind of used to a life with all the privileges of a Lord and none of the responsibility, and forced him deeper into her debt so he had no choice but to carry on doing all the actual work…"
Olga Marie winced, and held out a piece of paper. "Yes. Look here. Notice anything?"
Ritsuka waited a couple of seconds, to see if the Director was joking. "… still can't read English, Director."
Mash leapt to his rescue once again, taking the paper and scanning it quickly.
"It's the minutes of the meeting that the Director called about us. It says the initial suggestion that Installs be supervised by a Lord came from… El-Melloi? But… Mr Velvet could have just asked…"
"Yeah." Said the Director grimly. "I'm guessing he was told to do this by his sister. She's an old acquaintance, actually. She's reliable when it counts, trustworthy in her own way, and an absolute conniving bitch. Just, the worst. This is exactly the kind of thing she'd do if she heard about you two, just to twist the knife a little further and watch me squirm. If she's taking an interest, then this changes everything…" she sighed. "…is what I'd like to say, but the truth is El-Melloi has us over a barrel.
"Just… go and visit Lord El-Melloi II, and see what his sister wants." She looked at them seriously. "Just remember – go straight to Waver with this. He, at least, can be trusted to be reasonable. If at all possible, don't talk to his sister. She'll have you all tied up in knots before you know it."
Ritsuka and Mash nodded.
"Good luck."
With a certain level of trepidation, Ritsuka and Mash knocked on the door to Waver Velvet's office in the Department of Modern Magecraft. Olga Marie had refused to elaborate any further on the subject of the true Lord El-Melloi, so Ritsuka was forced to assume she was twelve feet tall and breathed fire. She sounded rather like the sort of thing Magical Boys like him were supposed to fight, in fact.
Maybe next season. One arc at a time was the way to do things, or everything got all confusing.
Beside him, Mash seemed to share his anxiety. "I know we've been here before, but it seems different now we know they actually want something with us. Anything could be waiting behind that door… but I know we can face it together, senpai!"
She peered at the door, from behind which no answer had come. "… should we knock again?"
They knocked again, louder.
Once again, there was no reply.
"Can I help you?" came a voice from behind them.
Ritsuka turned. The voice came from a blonde woman, dressed in simple but fine blue clothes. She looked maybe late twenties – so, basically middle aged as far as Ritsuka Fujimaru, actual teenager was concerned – but the mischievous gleam in her blue-green eyes did a lot to make her look younger.
"That depends," Ritsuka said. "Are you good at knocking on doors?"
The woman smiled nastily. "Poor to average, but my maid is spectacular. But, if you want to get in touch with Lord El-Melloi II, perhaps I can be of assistance in another way. I should warn you, he doesn't take kindly to students dropping in outside of office hour."
"Oh, we're not students," Ritsuka said. "I'm Ritsuka Fujimaru, and this is Mash Kyrielight."
"You can call me Reines," said the woman. She paused, as though waiting for some kind of reaction. If so, she was going to be disappointed, because Ritsuka had never heard of anyone by that name. Still, that was no reason to be unfriendly.
"Nice to meet you!" he said. "We are looking for Lord El-Melloi II, though, as it happens – I think he's expecting us?"
"It's about magical things," Mash said in a hushed whisper.
"…you don't say."
Mash flushed, and poked her fingers together. "Well, I couldn't say 'magical girl' things, because it's not just me any more, and saying 'magical girl and boy things' makes it sound like I'm soliciting him…"
The gleam in Reines' eyes intensified. "Ah, he did mention someone like that would be dropping by. So you're the ones?" She looked Ritsuka up and down with a fascinated expression. Mash stepped very slightly closer to him.
"Yes! Yes, we're probably the ones, if you're expecting any number of ones at all," said Mash in a rush. She paused, apparently checking if what she'd said had made any sense. "Um, do you know where the Lord is?"
"Oh, yes!" said Reines. "He's not in his office, but I can take you to him… for a price, naturally."
Ah. This woman had been so friendly Ritsuka had begun to wonder if she was actually a magus. This was more like it.
"We're not available for experiments or odd jobs," recited Mash, giving the standard response the Director had drilled into them for just such an occasion, "We can only do children's parties if you give us a week's notice, and we're not responsible for anything the Kaleidosticks take it into their heads to do. Otherwise, please contact Lord Animusphere for all Magical Girl-slash-Boy-brackets-delete-as-appropriate-close-brackets requests."
It took a couple of seconds, while it all sank in, but eventually Reines giggled, and nodded. "Fair, very fair indeed! Very well then, no children's parties. Instead, how about you tell me all about how you came to be such dashing heroes? I have such an interest in that sort of thing. Please? Otherwise I shall simply have to leave you to wander these halls and make you late for your meeting, which would be terribly embarrassing both to you and to El-Melloi… hmm, actually that sounds like a hilarious option as well…"
Oh good. It looked like this woman was both ruthlessly mercenary and eccentric to the point of incomprehensibility. Ritsuka had been worried for a while, but their guide fit in way too well in the Clock Tower to be anyone really suspicious. Probably she was a student of Waver's.
He looked at Mash, who shrugged.
"Okay," he said. "Lead on, MacDuff."
"Um, senpai, it's 'lay on, MacDuff'," put in Mash. Ritsuka looked at her, surprised, and she blushed. "I… didn't have much to do, when I was young, so I read. A lot. That phrase is from the final battle, after Macbeth learns MacDuff was not of woman born and is able to kill him…" She closed her eyes, and put one hand on her chest in the industry-standard 'I am acting now' pose.
"'Lay on, MacDuff, and cursed be he who first cries hold, enough'. Basically, saying he'll fight even though he knows he'll die, and refusing to give up even so."
Reines laughed lightly, as she started them off through the corridors of the Faculty of Modern Magecraft. "Ah, now that is my favourite type of hero."
"Determined?" Ritsuka asked.
"Doomed." Reines turned, and gave them a wicked grin. "Nothing pleases me more than when some righteous fool ties himself up in knots and brings around his own downfall. Although, I wouldn't put myself in MacDuff's role. Hmm, not Lady Macbeth either, far too guilt-ridden to be me… it's the wrong play, but honestly, I'd like to think I'm more of an Iago figure. Without the getting caught, naturally." She giggled, hiding an evil smile behind an elegant glove.
Mash squeaked and edged away from the scary aristocrat.
Ritsuka was completely lost. "Sorry, I'm sure that was probably very ominous, but I, uh, haven't actually seen any Shakespeare plays."
"Not a fan?"
An image of Mash in hospital flashed through Ritsuka's head. "You could say that. Call it personal differences with the author."
"Hm?" Reines studied Ritsuka intently, then blinked and turned her back, leading them round a corner and down a flight of narrow spiral stairs. "Fair enough. How did you two meet, anyway? I'm guessing it wasn't at your book club, with how differently you two feel about literature."
Mash brightened. "Oh! Well, it all started when the Director said I should be more independent. I moved out of the Clock Tower to find a flat of my own…"
So, because it was the price of a journey, and because it felt actually kind of nice to just talk to someone about all this, Ritsuka and Mash went through their last couple of months with a mysterious and definitely evil stranger. The offer from the Wizard Marshal, using Sapphire to fight the Shielder Card, Ritsuka joining up by accident, and every stupid, wonderful thing from that point on.
Reines seemed especially interested in their setbacks, laughing all too hard at the Kaleidosticks' pranking of Rin Tohsaka and at their… indiscretion on stage at Her Majesty's Theatre. She was especially interested, however, in their suffering at the hands of the Caster Card. She wasn't the only one.
"It made you think I was injured because of your mistake?" said Mash, hands over her mouth. "Oh, senpai…"
Ritsuka rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the heat rise up it. "Um…" Now that he had actually done it, it felt very revealing to say out loud the insecurities that the Card had laid bare. He especially didn't want Mash to read anything into it that wasn't there… which would be all well and good if he himself was sure of what that was.
"I'm pretty sure it just dug up the most painful thing it could think of – or rather, the most painful thing I could think of, which is, like, way worse – to try and make me stop," he said. "But, I didn't. This is what I decided to do."
For a moment, the only noise was of their footsteps on pavement. Reines had led them outside, through a maze of back streets and alleys. The bustle of the campus had given way to a sleepy quiet – there were no tourists here, and the only sign of life was the occasional shop owner or café staff tending empty tables. Ritsuka was totally lost, but their guide seemed pretty sure where she was going. If he weren't a Magical Boy Ritsuka might have been worried about an ambush, but he was pretty sure Ruby would warn him about anything dangerous.
Well, Sapphire would, at any rate. She was very responsible like that.
"Interesting," said Reines. "So, what is it you actually want to achieve? As in, you personally, not Animusphere."
Mash fidgeted. "I owe the Director a lot. I don't really want to get into it… but she's not a bad person, and I want to help. I think she'd be a bit lonely if I wasn't here, actually."
"Mm… and you?" Reines looked at Ritsuka.
"I owe Mash a lot," he said. "I don't really want to get into it, but she's not a bad person and I want to help. I think she'd be a bit-"
"Senpai!" Mash squeaked, flushing.
"Honestly, I don't know," said Ritsuka. "I haven't thought that far ahead. Right now, collecting these Cards is something only I can do, and it helps out people that I like. After that's done, who knows? There's a whole world of magic just waiting to be explored, and I've got a pink sparkly stick that apparently is a pretty big deal. I can't see myself just putting Ruby aside and getting on with my life, so I guess this Magical Boy gig is my thing for a while longer."
Mash nodded. "It's too soon to think of what happens after we collect the Cards. But, I think I enjoy being Kaleido Amethyst. Making friends, acting to help out the Director or anyone else in trouble… I think it's something only a proper human could do properly. It's very comforting." She squirmed. "Even if I wish Sapphire didn't insist on showing quite so much skin…"
"So neither of you plan on just quietly giving up and getting on with your lives?" Reines asked.
Ritsuka and Mash both shook their heads.
Reines looked both of them over, very intently. Ritsuka had the distinct impression those eyes saw a lot more than he might have wanted to show.
"I think I'll be watching your careers with great interest," she said at last, and led them onward without elaborating.
Eventually, they arrived at an old apartment block. Reines led them straight inside without even pausing, revealing an entrance hall, all wood panelling and grand carpeting not quite hiding the peeling paint and cobwebs. By now Ritsuka was used to going straight in to places without changing shoes, but it still felt vaguely uncomfortable, especially when going into what was clearly someone else's residence.
He wiped his shoes very thoroughly on the mat, and followed Mash, feeling guilty with every step.
They arrived outside a simple-looking wooden door. Ritsuka raised a hand to knock, before their guide stopped them.
"Please, allow me," she said. "Opportunities like this come around so very rarely."
She knocked on the door… just about. More like, she lightly brushed the tips of her knuckles against the wood, making very nearly no noise at all. Then, after waiting almost a full nanosecond for a reply, she barged her way as loudly as possible into the room beyond.
"Rise and shine, brother! You have visitors, so up and at them, no time to waste!"
There was a thud and a strangled squawk from inside. Ritsuka and Mash poked their heads in to find a very dishevelled looking Lord El-Melloi II lying on the floor next to a very slept-in looking sofa, picking a book off his head and glaring at a very satisfied-looking Reines.
"Reines, what-"
"Sorry, I can't hear you over how utterly disgusting this room is," said Reines with a big grin on her face, gesturing around what was, under the piles of books, paperwork and random stuff, probably some kind of study. "Is this any way to greet guests? You can't just have Gray do all your housework forever, you know."
The dignified Lord brushed a few strands of hair out of his face and mumbled something like 'doesn't seem to mind'.
… it was possible Ritsuka was mistaken in thinking Reines was one of Lord El-Melloi II's students. You'd think the Director might have thought to give them a picture of the 'absolute bitch festival' (her words) they were supposed to avoid. Or, you know, told them her name.
"Um," Mash started.
"Oh dear, where are my manners?" said Reines, hands on her hips. "Brother, Miss Kyrielight and Mr Fujimaru wanted to speak to you about something. Probably their Installs, just as we expected they might. I've already taken the liberty of vetting them on the way here while you were sleeping in the middle of the day, you're welcome, so hurry up and start focusing on teaching them Installs already. Personally, I'd suggest having Gray help you out, as the only one of us with any experience channeling Heroic Spirits, but what do I know, I'm not the genius teacher here."
"If we didn't have guests, I'd have thrown you out the window by now," growled Waver, slowly shambling to his feet and rubbing his eyes.
Reines' shit-eating grin was one of the scariest things Ritsuka had seen in his Magical Boy career. "How lucky for you that I brought these two along then! I'd hate to have to add my medical bill to your debt… not to mention the cost for repairs to my apartment."
A louder growl came in reply, and Reines practically cackled with glee.
Ritsuka and Mash exchanged a look, and started edging towards the door.
"Um," Mash continued.
Reines still wasn't done tormenting her brother. "Maybe now we can get some proper value out of your training them, rather than a vague promise to take you along to a Card they don't even know the identity of until they get there. Honestly, brother. A favour owed by two people with access to theoretically infinite magic, and the best you can do is 'just take me along when you face the Rider Card'? I'm pretty sure I taught you better than that."
"Um," Mash concluded. Sometimes Ritsuka wished he had his partner's gift with words.
Reines turned to her, that wicked gleam back in her eye. "I do apologise for the deception, but really, this is all Animusphere's fault for not properly warning you about me. Allow me to introduce myself again." She gave an elegant curtsey. "Reines El-Melloi Archisorte, pleased to meet you. I'd say 'at your service', but I rather think you're at mine now.
"That is, if you want to use these Installs I've heard so much about…"