Why, yes, they do. They're called barbers.
The Steep Path Ahead [Familiar of Zero AU]
- Thread starter shadenight123
- Start date
Romantic_Kaiju
Romantic Kaiju
- Location
- National Battlefield
And you don't want to see them, because Dentistry was horrible back then, and they are more liable to rip your teeth out then fill a cavity, so take good care of your teethers
Yup, that was pretty brutal. Losing teeth like that is no joke in a medieval society. Maybe magical healing can fix it though. I'm kinda surprised Saito was taken by surprise like that considering his reaction speed as Gandalfr, previous reflexes, and reasonable expectation of trouble. Maybe he was keeping his hands way away from his sword because he didn't want to look threatening?
Poor Saito needs a Water mage. Stat.
Losing teeth in a pre-Industrial society is no joke.
That last move was rather unnecessary of Luise, though; the soldier was trying to be fair, after all, and didn't deserve a boom when a Sleep spell would do.
Lady needs to learn to save her shots.
Anyway, they're now guilty of assaulting the staff of a Royal functionary, property damage, and grand theft horse into the bargain.
And because Luise had her face covered for most of this, all the heat drops on Saito.
On top of the pain of broken teeth and a possibly fractured jaw.
Being Saito is SufferingTM.
Losing teeth in a pre-Industrial society is no joke.
That last move was rather unnecessary of Luise, though; the soldier was trying to be fair, after all, and didn't deserve a boom when a Sleep spell would do.
Lady needs to learn to save her shots.
Anyway, they're now guilty of assaulting the staff of a Royal functionary, property damage, and grand theft horse into the bargain.
And because Luise had her face covered for most of this, all the heat drops on Saito.
On top of the pain of broken teeth and a possibly fractured jaw.
Being Saito is SufferingTM.
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They problem with sleep is it has a casting time, as opposed to Luise's template instant. She didn't want the attack of opportunity.
Why does that matter? She was behind him, and he would still have to walk over to pick up Siesta.
Because chanting a spell is kind of obvious?
Edit: Ignore this if she doesn't actually need to chant to cast.
Black Noise
Curious
- Location
- About 1AU from Sol
Lucky for Saito then, that Louise figured she's a Water mage, right?
Chapter Twenty-Three
- Location
- https://discord.gg/z9tBvbh
Chapter Twenty-Three
Saito groaned painfully. "Stop whining, it's just a chipped tooth or two," Luise said, although her worried expression told a different story from her words. "It's nothing that can't be healed. Well, if we had the money for it, but we don't, and we won't have any for a long while, because someone made us leave the inn in a hurry and we won't find any work with those men on our tails."
"I'm sorry," the waitress said sheepishly, bowing as deeply as she could. They had ditched the road in favor of the countryside, and were now walking alongside a row of shrubs with a small rivulet of clear water nearby, the horse's reins in Luise's hands.
"Sorry doesn't cut it, miss," Luise snapped. "My partner's teeth are broken, we stole a horse, we have an important noble's men against us, and all for what? You are lucky we are headed to the capital to speak with the Cardinal, and maybe he'll smooth things over for us, but you'd better disappear real good so that not even we can find you once we're done with our partnership."
The waitress winced, fearfully looking from Luise to Saito.
Saito simply groaned and kept rubbing his cheek.
"You really have no tolerance for pain, do you?" Luise muttered hotly, "Come on now, open up, I'll see what I can do with-"
"Nuh!" Saito shook his head firmly. "Nuh-Nuh-NUH!" he brought both hands to protect himself as Luise held her wand up.
"Oh come on!" Luise snapped. "I'll see if I can't put your mouth to sleep. It might dull the pain or something-"
Saito gave her a wary look, but Luise simply drew near and held her wand in front of her. She began to chant, whispering the words that she seemed to know by heart now, and as the tiny sphere of brilliant white light left her wand, it touched Saito's mouth and dispersed.
"There, see?" Luise said triumphantly. "I fixed-"
Saito fell down like a bag of potatoes, sound asleep.
Luise slumped her shoulders. "If we're ambushed and you sleep through it, I'll never forgive you," she said as she hoisted him on the back of the horse, before starting to walk once more.
"Uhm-" the waitress said. "I-I apologize," she added. "I know I shouldn't have dragged you two kind sirs in this, but I didn't want to-to-" she stammered out a few words that made no sense, and shook her head. "I-I used to work at the Magic Academy in Tristain, you know? It was a good job, a friend of my uncle had managed to secure me a spot. The pay was good, I was just a background worker, and not once was I mistreated. But-but then the royal messenger came one day and he gave one look at me, and it was only that, I swear-just one look and he decided he wanted to have me. The headmaster was kind enough to warn me in advance and gave me the month's pay with the counsel of disappearing back in the countryside-"
"It's all very interesting, I'm sure," Luise said gruffly, "But I don't care about how you ended up working in that inn or why the Count's following you. It's in the past, and you can't change the past. We are just adventurers doing our jobs as couriers of very important letters, but that's it. We aren't heroes, we aren't knights, and right now?" Luise gestured at Saito, "My friend is knocked out cold because of the pain one of those guards inflicted him. You can waste time giving me your sob story, and I've heard a lot of those," she said with a rough voice, "Or you can start paying us back for the trouble you caused us by telling me what you can do."
The waitress swallowed nervously. "I-I can sew, and cook, and-clean-a-and-"
"You can start by giving me your name," Luise said. "I am Luis," Luise added. "It is nice to meet you, even if circumstances were not the best. My partner's name is Saito. We are adventurers travelling together, making money by defeating vile beasts and carrying around important letters."
"Ah-Of course!" the waitress said with a light blush on her cheeks. "I'm-I'm Siesta! I'm-well...I'm a farmer's daughter...and not much else," the girl looked downcast, "But I'm a hard worker kind adventurer! I promise I won't be a weight! And I know where we can rest for the night too. There's a creek nearby that has a small lake filled with fish, if you wish-I could catch a few for dinner."
Luis nodded. "That's something to look up to then. Think about that. A dear friend of mine used to say that we must not worry about the past, or about our situation, but have faith in the future and what it might bring."
Siesta's eyes somewhat shone. "I-Is that the Brimir nun you spoke of to make Mister Saito understand you were bluffing?" as she asked that, she clasped her hands together. "Is-Is she your beloved?!"
"Uh? Uh-wh-what!?"
"A forbidden love between an adventurer and a nun! Oh! Is she a holy maiden, a fair lady who took her vows out of faith and love for the Gods? Is it a love that has blossomed during childhood, or maybe you were wounded by a vile beast and she tenderly treated your wounds? Was it something that you consumed during a night of sin or maybe you held steadfast to your-"
Luise pulled out her wand and pointed it, with her hand shaking, at Siesta. "P-Pervert! Unholy blasphemous pervert!" as she screamed that shrilly, she took a step back. "Now I get it why you and Saito look similar! You're both heirs of a perverted bloodline! You belong to a race of perverts! You are perversion made manifest! You are scions of a hellish landscape where lecherous thoughts rule supreme! Be gone vile demon! Be gone!"
Siesta blinked, and then giggled. "Oh-Forgive me, kind adventurer. I thought-you had a very sheltered life, didn't you? I understand now. You must have been brought up in a church together with your friend, and while she took the vows, you didn't and became an adventurer instead. I understand now the cherished memories, the sadness-the-the-" Siesta began to sniffle, a handkerchief to her face. "It's just so sad-to see such beautiful love never bloom-"
Luise looked at the horse. "Can you carry two knocked out people?"
The horse simply neighed.
"I'll take that as a yes," Luise said flatly.
A knocked out girl soon ended up pushed on the back of the horse together with a knocked out Saito. Luise, satisfied by her work and by her prowess with her magic, decided to follow the rivulet of water until the creek -where she'd wake up the waitress and get her to start fishing, and cooking, and generally do the stuff she said she could do while Luise gave one more look at Saito's mouth.
While regenerating broken teeth was possible thanks to Water spells, it required reagents that weren't really cheap to procure. Now, if they somehow managed to find the liver of a magical snake, then maybe they'd have a chance at healing his teeth.
But better to just let a barber pull them loose and be done with it. With time, patience and care, they'd get enough money to have a water mage regrow them.
That was a great plan.
She'd just have to knock Saito out like a light before the barber started his work on the boy's teeth, but well...he'd thank her later, when he'd finally stop hurting.
Maybe.
...
She'd let him have a go at a whorehouse afterwards.
...
Maybe two goes.
That would pacify him.
...
No. It wouldn't do to let him start on a path that definitely led to one's soul being corrupted. She was still responsible for him, and so she'd offer him a nice cup of warm tea at some fancy cake shop in the capital. That was going to be more than enough for him, and he'd enjoy it.
Saito instead had nightmares, as well as his grandfather standing tall and proud in front of him militarily saluting, as if Saito was a fallen comrade.
Saito groaned painfully. "Stop whining, it's just a chipped tooth or two," Luise said, although her worried expression told a different story from her words. "It's nothing that can't be healed. Well, if we had the money for it, but we don't, and we won't have any for a long while, because someone made us leave the inn in a hurry and we won't find any work with those men on our tails."
"I'm sorry," the waitress said sheepishly, bowing as deeply as she could. They had ditched the road in favor of the countryside, and were now walking alongside a row of shrubs with a small rivulet of clear water nearby, the horse's reins in Luise's hands.
"Sorry doesn't cut it, miss," Luise snapped. "My partner's teeth are broken, we stole a horse, we have an important noble's men against us, and all for what? You are lucky we are headed to the capital to speak with the Cardinal, and maybe he'll smooth things over for us, but you'd better disappear real good so that not even we can find you once we're done with our partnership."
The waitress winced, fearfully looking from Luise to Saito.
Saito simply groaned and kept rubbing his cheek.
"You really have no tolerance for pain, do you?" Luise muttered hotly, "Come on now, open up, I'll see what I can do with-"
"Nuh!" Saito shook his head firmly. "Nuh-Nuh-NUH!" he brought both hands to protect himself as Luise held her wand up.
"Oh come on!" Luise snapped. "I'll see if I can't put your mouth to sleep. It might dull the pain or something-"
Saito gave her a wary look, but Luise simply drew near and held her wand in front of her. She began to chant, whispering the words that she seemed to know by heart now, and as the tiny sphere of brilliant white light left her wand, it touched Saito's mouth and dispersed.
"There, see?" Luise said triumphantly. "I fixed-"
Saito fell down like a bag of potatoes, sound asleep.
Luise slumped her shoulders. "If we're ambushed and you sleep through it, I'll never forgive you," she said as she hoisted him on the back of the horse, before starting to walk once more.
"Uhm-" the waitress said. "I-I apologize," she added. "I know I shouldn't have dragged you two kind sirs in this, but I didn't want to-to-" she stammered out a few words that made no sense, and shook her head. "I-I used to work at the Magic Academy in Tristain, you know? It was a good job, a friend of my uncle had managed to secure me a spot. The pay was good, I was just a background worker, and not once was I mistreated. But-but then the royal messenger came one day and he gave one look at me, and it was only that, I swear-just one look and he decided he wanted to have me. The headmaster was kind enough to warn me in advance and gave me the month's pay with the counsel of disappearing back in the countryside-"
"It's all very interesting, I'm sure," Luise said gruffly, "But I don't care about how you ended up working in that inn or why the Count's following you. It's in the past, and you can't change the past. We are just adventurers doing our jobs as couriers of very important letters, but that's it. We aren't heroes, we aren't knights, and right now?" Luise gestured at Saito, "My friend is knocked out cold because of the pain one of those guards inflicted him. You can waste time giving me your sob story, and I've heard a lot of those," she said with a rough voice, "Or you can start paying us back for the trouble you caused us by telling me what you can do."
The waitress swallowed nervously. "I-I can sew, and cook, and-clean-a-and-"
"You can start by giving me your name," Luise said. "I am Luis," Luise added. "It is nice to meet you, even if circumstances were not the best. My partner's name is Saito. We are adventurers travelling together, making money by defeating vile beasts and carrying around important letters."
"Ah-Of course!" the waitress said with a light blush on her cheeks. "I'm-I'm Siesta! I'm-well...I'm a farmer's daughter...and not much else," the girl looked downcast, "But I'm a hard worker kind adventurer! I promise I won't be a weight! And I know where we can rest for the night too. There's a creek nearby that has a small lake filled with fish, if you wish-I could catch a few for dinner."
Luis nodded. "That's something to look up to then. Think about that. A dear friend of mine used to say that we must not worry about the past, or about our situation, but have faith in the future and what it might bring."
Siesta's eyes somewhat shone. "I-Is that the Brimir nun you spoke of to make Mister Saito understand you were bluffing?" as she asked that, she clasped her hands together. "Is-Is she your beloved?!"
"Uh? Uh-wh-what!?"
"A forbidden love between an adventurer and a nun! Oh! Is she a holy maiden, a fair lady who took her vows out of faith and love for the Gods? Is it a love that has blossomed during childhood, or maybe you were wounded by a vile beast and she tenderly treated your wounds? Was it something that you consumed during a night of sin or maybe you held steadfast to your-"
Luise pulled out her wand and pointed it, with her hand shaking, at Siesta. "P-Pervert! Unholy blasphemous pervert!" as she screamed that shrilly, she took a step back. "Now I get it why you and Saito look similar! You're both heirs of a perverted bloodline! You belong to a race of perverts! You are perversion made manifest! You are scions of a hellish landscape where lecherous thoughts rule supreme! Be gone vile demon! Be gone!"
Siesta blinked, and then giggled. "Oh-Forgive me, kind adventurer. I thought-you had a very sheltered life, didn't you? I understand now. You must have been brought up in a church together with your friend, and while she took the vows, you didn't and became an adventurer instead. I understand now the cherished memories, the sadness-the-the-" Siesta began to sniffle, a handkerchief to her face. "It's just so sad-to see such beautiful love never bloom-"
Luise looked at the horse. "Can you carry two knocked out people?"
The horse simply neighed.
"I'll take that as a yes," Luise said flatly.
A knocked out girl soon ended up pushed on the back of the horse together with a knocked out Saito. Luise, satisfied by her work and by her prowess with her magic, decided to follow the rivulet of water until the creek -where she'd wake up the waitress and get her to start fishing, and cooking, and generally do the stuff she said she could do while Luise gave one more look at Saito's mouth.
While regenerating broken teeth was possible thanks to Water spells, it required reagents that weren't really cheap to procure. Now, if they somehow managed to find the liver of a magical snake, then maybe they'd have a chance at healing his teeth.
But better to just let a barber pull them loose and be done with it. With time, patience and care, they'd get enough money to have a water mage regrow them.
That was a great plan.
She'd just have to knock Saito out like a light before the barber started his work on the boy's teeth, but well...he'd thank her later, when he'd finally stop hurting.
Maybe.
...
She'd let him have a go at a whorehouse afterwards.
...
Maybe two goes.
That would pacify him.
...
No. It wouldn't do to let him start on a path that definitely led to one's soul being corrupted. She was still responsible for him, and so she'd offer him a nice cup of warm tea at some fancy cake shop in the capital. That was going to be more than enough for him, and he'd enjoy it.
Saito instead had nightmares, as well as his grandfather standing tall and proud in front of him militarily saluting, as if Saito was a fallen comrade.
i love how despite the change in circumstances, you manage to show through the character of all the canon characters- Saito, Louise, Siesta.
Silver W. King
King of Adventures
- Location
- The Nasuverse
You know, I expected at this point with how annoyed Luise is, she would lash out a bit at Seista.
"I'm sorry, are we friends? Is this the part where we talk and compare our supposed tragic past, or some fictional romantic long lost love? What business is it of yours who I'm aquintented with or to what degree?"
Maybe less harsh, but I expect this over "blushing embarrassed prude Louise".
Worst. Wingwoman. Ever.
Still, I look forward toward where this is heading.
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Black Noise
Curious
- Location
- About 1AU from Sol
Yep, definitely Canon Louise.
Are you paying particular care in this story? The quality is noticeably better than what I've come to expect.
- Location
- https://discord.gg/z9tBvbh
How is she the worst? she'll let him go to the whorehouse.
EDIT: I missed the last part... damm you're right, Worst. Wingman. Ever... damm that girl is cruel.
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- Pronouns
- she/her
No she changed her mind and is planning on taking him to a cake store instead.
- Location
- USA
Dang nun.
Saito would probably prefer two pies to a cake and tea.
- Pronouns
- she/her
If he's having teeth pulled I think he might prefer ice, painkillers, and a day off more than anything.
- Location
- USA
Two out of three is close enough.
Fuckin' Siesta.
Chapter Twenty-Four
- Location
- https://discord.gg/z9tBvbh
Chapter Twenty-Four
At least Siesta knew how to cook. It was a good thing. Saito wasn't really in a good mood due to his broken teeth, but as Siesta gently mashed his portion of fish into paste, he cheered up noticeably.
Luise instead took her plate and moved away from the waitress, standing over her plate and hiding her face as much as she could while eating. The mask made it impractical, but not impossible.
"Did something happen?" Saito asked as he looked from Luise to Siesta and vice-versa.
"I'm sorry," Siesta said with a bow of her head. "I think I angered your partner-my name is Siesta, Mister Saito," she added next. "I hope I can repay you at least a little for the trouble I put you through."
Saito awkwardly laughed. "It's all right. I wouldn't have allowed them to hurt you anyway. We're the good guys," he brought his thumb up and pointed at himself and at Luise. "We are, right?"
"Yes," Luise grumbled. "We are the good guys, Saito. Your teeth still sore?"
"When I chew," Saito answered. He hesitated for a brief moment. "Are there dentists around these parts?"
"Dentists?" Luise muttered. "You mean a Guild or Lay Barber."
"My uncle knows a very good Guild Barber," Siesta said, suddenly recovering her lost spirits. "He can do lots of tricky operations!" she nodded resolutely. "Please allow me to help you in any way I can, kind adventurer, to pay you back," as she spoke, she gripped Saito's hand with both of hers, eliciting a grumbling from Luise, who proceeded to gingerly hold the tip of her foot against Saito's back.
"Oi Saito," she gruffly whined. "Come with me for a minute behind those shrubs, you and I need to talk a bit." As she dropped the empty plate into Siesta's hands, she dragged Saito off with a yelp from the boy.
"Let me be clear," Luise said as she pulled off her mask temporarily, narrowing her gaze at Saito. "I think that I can trust you because even if you're perverted like hell, you didn't even touch me once while we slept alone, and there were ample chances for that-"
Saito aptly refrained from mentioning that flatboards weren't really his type-and he received a kick in the shin. "I know you thought something rude right now!" Luise hissed, "But it doesn't matter. You will not take advantage of that poor girl!" Luise gripped Saito by the scruff of the neck. "Are we clear? I swear if you do, the Holy Founder will be most displeased and I, as the instrument of his will upon this land and closest of all to you, will make sure to smite you unless you take responsibility!"
Saito stuttered and shook his head vehemently. "Woah-I wasn't going to!" he hissed. "Come on-don't you trust me?"
Luise rolled her eyes. "It's not a matter of trust or not. The flesh is weak. It's one of the maxims of the Founder. And do you know what happened to him when he trusted too much upon an Elf who swore she was redeemed? The elf murdered him. The elf murdered him, cut his heart out of his chest while still beating and then devoured it while screaming her blasphemous chants to push the holy crusaders out of the Holy Lands." Luise slammed her index finger against Saito's chest. "So be on the lookout."
Saito blinked. "Elves exist?"
Luise spluttered. "O-Of course elves exist! They're the great menace that holds the Holy Lands from us, Brimir's faithful!"
Saito frowned. "Are they with pointy ears, dressed in green, pretty and-"
The roundhouse kick stopped an inch away from Saito's face. Luise's right fist was clenched in a punch that the girl definitely wished to throw, but dared not. Carefully, she proceeded to drop her leg back down on the ground and take a deep breath. "You know nothing, and that's why you're speaking like that. Look-elves are monsters. They kidnap and eat children, they can bend a grown man's spine and snap his head cleanly off with a thought-they can burn down villages, and tear apart walls with a few words! They're so dangerous, it takes a dozen of triangle mages just to balance the odds against a weak elf! You can't just-you can't just call those demons 'pretty'!"
Saito swallowed nervously. "R-Really?" Luise nodded at that. "I-I didn't know. They are kind of scary if that's true."
"It is, the Founder's Book says so," Luise replied firmly, nodding to herself as she said that. "See?" she tapped her knuckles against his chest. "Just-be careful. You've got that silly familiar magic that makes you fast, but it doesn't make you tough. You flew across a room just because someone backhanded you, so be careful. Do you have any idea how troublesome it would be if I had to drag your corpse back home to your parents and explain it to them? Better to have you walk your way there, no?" Luise put the mask back on her face. "I promised I would bring you home and I intend to keep my promise as a future nun. Don't make me break a promise to a friend, all right?"
"Sure," Saito whispered in reply. Luise nodded, and then began to walk back to the camp with exaggerated 'manly' movements.
"Glad we cleared the air a bit!" Luise snapped. "Just like manly men do!"
Apparently, a horse could leave on tiptoes.
"The girl left," Luise said calmly. She said that very, very calmly. She said that with an air of utter calmness even as her hair began to rise to the edges of her cowl, slipping out from it as fury seemed to overtake her entire frame, which began to shake from pure anger.
"She didn't steal our stuff-" Saito pointed out, gesturing at the backpacks. "Maybe she was afraid we'd do something to her?"
Luise growled, her fists clenched. "Saito," she snarled. "You better hope you are right, or this is the last time we save bar wenches from armored men looking for them!"
As Saito hurried to check the content of their backpacks, which was all graciously still there, Luise began to walk back and forth in front of the lit fire. "Why would she leave in the middle of the night anyway!?" Luise snapped angrily. "There's no way she can go far with a tired horse. I'll just have to show her I'm a girl, and that should calm her down."
"Everything's here," Saito said.
"Grab your stuff and I'll grab mine," Luise grumbled, grabbing a long wooden stick from the pile near the bonfire and lighting it on fire to make a makeshift torch. "And let's go look for that stupid wench."
"Waitress," Saito said. "Wench sounds rude."
"I'll call her wench for as long as she'll act like one!" Luise snapped back hotly. "To think I was even nice to her because I thought she was still scared! Argh! Next time I hear her say something perverted, I'll just slap some modesty back in her."
"Not going to use a paddle?" Saito hazarded, the mental image quite convincing.
"Why would I use a-Saito," Luise stopped mid-step and turned, glaring at him. "I have a wand."
"Let a man dream," Saito replied with a forlorn look.
"Fine," Luise said with a gruff nod. "But I'm cutting down your whorehouse visits from 'only in extreme circumstances' to 'absolutely never'."
Saito blinked at those words, and looked in shock at Luise. "L-Luis! Let's talk about this!"
"No," Luise gruffly said. "Real men don't get laid in whorehouses. Real men act like knights and find a pretty damsel to court, and you will do the same!"
"B-But at least once in my life-come on! Have mercy!"
"No," Luise said firmly, planting her foot down. "Now shut up and keep looking for horse tracks. We came through here, didn't we?" as Luise neared the torch to the ground, to where the sets of the horse's hooves were present, she kept walking forward until she came to a halt at the sight of a pair of hooves planted on the ground.
Saito gasped behind her, but she simply lifted her torch, and then her face, to look at the owner of said horse.
"So we meet again," the man standing in a slightly charcoal-colored armor said from atop his horse. His fellow comrades stood on their own horses, and they all looked pissed. They all looked greatly pissed.
"We've been had to," Luise said hotly, taking a step backwards, "She stole the horse."
"The horse that you stole from us," one of the guards said gruffly as the remaining ones began to slowly trot in order to encircle them. "Look, we're not heartless monsters," the second guard spoke. "Sure, you threw Richards through a wall, but your friend just knocked us out. We appreciate that. It's good mercenary etiquette to do that."
The charcoal-armored man spoke once more, "That's why we're not going to beat you to an inch of your lives and leave your broken bodies in a ditch somewhere," he nodded wisely as did the other men. "We're going to bring you -unharmed if you don't resist- to Count Mott. And then you'll explain to him why you thought it would be wise to attack us."
"You broke the door first," Saito pointed out, "And my teeth."
"Your friend threw me in the middle of poisoned ivy," the charcoal-armored man retorted hotly. "Let bygones be bygones, I say. You speak with the Count, you explain, and rest assured that the Count is a reasonable man. As long as you're not a pretty girl, he won't do anything needlessly cruel. And you're adventurers too," the man said with a nod. "I'm sure you'll find a way out of the pinch with a few words."
"You're being very reasonable," Luise said. "Why is that?"
"Nobody likes to spill blood for no gain," the man shrugged. "I'm Roberts, the leader of this merry band of tax collectors. So, do we have a deal? Or we can fight and you can knock us out, maybe-and we can wound you-definitely- and then we'll be stuck like this again. Come on kid, I don't have all night."
Luise slumped her shoulders and sighed. "Saito?"
"Does the Count have a...Guild Barber?" Saito hazarded, and to that, the men simply laughed.
"Sure! We'll get him to fix your teeth before you speak with the Count. It's going to take us days to reach the mansion anyway," one of the men that Saito had knocked out said. "And you pack a mean punch for being such a scrawny kid. Never thought I'd see the day someone with a dagger could knock me and Gaston down."
Saito nervously laughed at that, scratching the back of his head nervously. "We keep our weapons," Luise said firmly, with a voice that brokered no argument.
"I think that's fair," Roberts said. "Just remember that if you try anything, this time we won't show any mercy even if you're kids."
Saito slumped his shoulders as he watched the men descend from the horses, all eager to get a camp started. He had a really bad feeling about this. He had a really, really bad feeling.
The moment Luise began to chant, he knew he should have trusted his instinct.
His shield was never meant to hold against a large two-handed ax, and thus it didn't, breaking apart into splinters and dulling the blow that hit the breastplate -thankfully scavenged from the bandits- turning a lethal 'cut you in half' strike into a mere 'It will bruise across my entire chest'.
Saito had no choice but to kick the man back with his right foot as he jumped with his left, trying to reach in front of Luise where an angered Roberts was coming with his sword drawn. Luise was using the horse as a form of 'natural barrier', forcing Saito to stand in front of her and swing his sword wildly in order to deflect the enemies' swings.
He'd have words with Luise if this worked.
He'd have very strong words.
As the blinding white light encompassed everyone on the road, Saito closed his eyes briefly, as did everyone else. When he reopened them, he was the only one standing.
Luise was woozily grinning to herself, clutching the horse by her side -the trained animal didn't bother moving an inch, his eyes covered by the blinkers. "We do not negotiate with bandits," she said cheerfully.
Saito looked at Luise, and Luise looked back at Saito. "Now," Luise said with a dry chuckle. "Let's free these poor souls from their heavy burdens. These perverted swines who serve a perverted noble will be glad to go without armor, and horses, for the time being."
She gestured at them with the wave of a hand, and yawned using the other to cover her mouth -even if she had a mask. "Sorry Saito, but-but I think I'll catch five minutes."
Saito grumbled, but kept his tongue-lashing for later.
He had to remove the armor from six men and make their horses run for the hills. And something told him that removing a full plate of armor was not as easy as removing a breastplate from a bandit.
In the end, he decided to 'cut his losses' and climb with Luise on a horse after making the rest run away. He had gathered a helmet, a new shield and a new sword -and it all looked like good steel to boot.
With the reins in hand and Luise on his lap, he gazed at the horse beneath him and took a deep breath. "Hippy-ho?" he hazarded as he kicked the flanks of the animal which, in turn, made the animal neigh as it began to trot ahead.
"OH GOD ALL-MIGHTY HOW DO YOU STEER THIS THING!" Saito all but screamed as the horse kept on galloping long onto the night, leaving behind just a trail of dust.
Unfortunately, Saito was a heathen.
Thus, no god answered his call for help.
At least Siesta knew how to cook. It was a good thing. Saito wasn't really in a good mood due to his broken teeth, but as Siesta gently mashed his portion of fish into paste, he cheered up noticeably.
Luise instead took her plate and moved away from the waitress, standing over her plate and hiding her face as much as she could while eating. The mask made it impractical, but not impossible.
"Did something happen?" Saito asked as he looked from Luise to Siesta and vice-versa.
"I'm sorry," Siesta said with a bow of her head. "I think I angered your partner-my name is Siesta, Mister Saito," she added next. "I hope I can repay you at least a little for the trouble I put you through."
Saito awkwardly laughed. "It's all right. I wouldn't have allowed them to hurt you anyway. We're the good guys," he brought his thumb up and pointed at himself and at Luise. "We are, right?"
"Yes," Luise grumbled. "We are the good guys, Saito. Your teeth still sore?"
"When I chew," Saito answered. He hesitated for a brief moment. "Are there dentists around these parts?"
"Dentists?" Luise muttered. "You mean a Guild or Lay Barber."
"My uncle knows a very good Guild Barber," Siesta said, suddenly recovering her lost spirits. "He can do lots of tricky operations!" she nodded resolutely. "Please allow me to help you in any way I can, kind adventurer, to pay you back," as she spoke, she gripped Saito's hand with both of hers, eliciting a grumbling from Luise, who proceeded to gingerly hold the tip of her foot against Saito's back.
"Oi Saito," she gruffly whined. "Come with me for a minute behind those shrubs, you and I need to talk a bit." As she dropped the empty plate into Siesta's hands, she dragged Saito off with a yelp from the boy.
"Let me be clear," Luise said as she pulled off her mask temporarily, narrowing her gaze at Saito. "I think that I can trust you because even if you're perverted like hell, you didn't even touch me once while we slept alone, and there were ample chances for that-"
Saito aptly refrained from mentioning that flatboards weren't really his type-and he received a kick in the shin. "I know you thought something rude right now!" Luise hissed, "But it doesn't matter. You will not take advantage of that poor girl!" Luise gripped Saito by the scruff of the neck. "Are we clear? I swear if you do, the Holy Founder will be most displeased and I, as the instrument of his will upon this land and closest of all to you, will make sure to smite you unless you take responsibility!"
Saito stuttered and shook his head vehemently. "Woah-I wasn't going to!" he hissed. "Come on-don't you trust me?"
Luise rolled her eyes. "It's not a matter of trust or not. The flesh is weak. It's one of the maxims of the Founder. And do you know what happened to him when he trusted too much upon an Elf who swore she was redeemed? The elf murdered him. The elf murdered him, cut his heart out of his chest while still beating and then devoured it while screaming her blasphemous chants to push the holy crusaders out of the Holy Lands." Luise slammed her index finger against Saito's chest. "So be on the lookout."
Saito blinked. "Elves exist?"
Luise spluttered. "O-Of course elves exist! They're the great menace that holds the Holy Lands from us, Brimir's faithful!"
Saito frowned. "Are they with pointy ears, dressed in green, pretty and-"
The roundhouse kick stopped an inch away from Saito's face. Luise's right fist was clenched in a punch that the girl definitely wished to throw, but dared not. Carefully, she proceeded to drop her leg back down on the ground and take a deep breath. "You know nothing, and that's why you're speaking like that. Look-elves are monsters. They kidnap and eat children, they can bend a grown man's spine and snap his head cleanly off with a thought-they can burn down villages, and tear apart walls with a few words! They're so dangerous, it takes a dozen of triangle mages just to balance the odds against a weak elf! You can't just-you can't just call those demons 'pretty'!"
Saito swallowed nervously. "R-Really?" Luise nodded at that. "I-I didn't know. They are kind of scary if that's true."
"It is, the Founder's Book says so," Luise replied firmly, nodding to herself as she said that. "See?" she tapped her knuckles against his chest. "Just-be careful. You've got that silly familiar magic that makes you fast, but it doesn't make you tough. You flew across a room just because someone backhanded you, so be careful. Do you have any idea how troublesome it would be if I had to drag your corpse back home to your parents and explain it to them? Better to have you walk your way there, no?" Luise put the mask back on her face. "I promised I would bring you home and I intend to keep my promise as a future nun. Don't make me break a promise to a friend, all right?"
"Sure," Saito whispered in reply. Luise nodded, and then began to walk back to the camp with exaggerated 'manly' movements.
"Glad we cleared the air a bit!" Luise snapped. "Just like manly men do!"
Apparently, a horse could leave on tiptoes.
"The girl left," Luise said calmly. She said that very, very calmly. She said that with an air of utter calmness even as her hair began to rise to the edges of her cowl, slipping out from it as fury seemed to overtake her entire frame, which began to shake from pure anger.
"She didn't steal our stuff-" Saito pointed out, gesturing at the backpacks. "Maybe she was afraid we'd do something to her?"
Luise growled, her fists clenched. "Saito," she snarled. "You better hope you are right, or this is the last time we save bar wenches from armored men looking for them!"
As Saito hurried to check the content of their backpacks, which was all graciously still there, Luise began to walk back and forth in front of the lit fire. "Why would she leave in the middle of the night anyway!?" Luise snapped angrily. "There's no way she can go far with a tired horse. I'll just have to show her I'm a girl, and that should calm her down."
"Everything's here," Saito said.
"Grab your stuff and I'll grab mine," Luise grumbled, grabbing a long wooden stick from the pile near the bonfire and lighting it on fire to make a makeshift torch. "And let's go look for that stupid wench."
"Waitress," Saito said. "Wench sounds rude."
"I'll call her wench for as long as she'll act like one!" Luise snapped back hotly. "To think I was even nice to her because I thought she was still scared! Argh! Next time I hear her say something perverted, I'll just slap some modesty back in her."
"Not going to use a paddle?" Saito hazarded, the mental image quite convincing.
"Why would I use a-Saito," Luise stopped mid-step and turned, glaring at him. "I have a wand."
"Let a man dream," Saito replied with a forlorn look.
"Fine," Luise said with a gruff nod. "But I'm cutting down your whorehouse visits from 'only in extreme circumstances' to 'absolutely never'."
Saito blinked at those words, and looked in shock at Luise. "L-Luis! Let's talk about this!"
"No," Luise gruffly said. "Real men don't get laid in whorehouses. Real men act like knights and find a pretty damsel to court, and you will do the same!"
"B-But at least once in my life-come on! Have mercy!"
"No," Luise said firmly, planting her foot down. "Now shut up and keep looking for horse tracks. We came through here, didn't we?" as Luise neared the torch to the ground, to where the sets of the horse's hooves were present, she kept walking forward until she came to a halt at the sight of a pair of hooves planted on the ground.
Saito gasped behind her, but she simply lifted her torch, and then her face, to look at the owner of said horse.
"So we meet again," the man standing in a slightly charcoal-colored armor said from atop his horse. His fellow comrades stood on their own horses, and they all looked pissed. They all looked greatly pissed.
"We've been had to," Luise said hotly, taking a step backwards, "She stole the horse."
"The horse that you stole from us," one of the guards said gruffly as the remaining ones began to slowly trot in order to encircle them. "Look, we're not heartless monsters," the second guard spoke. "Sure, you threw Richards through a wall, but your friend just knocked us out. We appreciate that. It's good mercenary etiquette to do that."
The charcoal-armored man spoke once more, "That's why we're not going to beat you to an inch of your lives and leave your broken bodies in a ditch somewhere," he nodded wisely as did the other men. "We're going to bring you -unharmed if you don't resist- to Count Mott. And then you'll explain to him why you thought it would be wise to attack us."
"You broke the door first," Saito pointed out, "And my teeth."
"Your friend threw me in the middle of poisoned ivy," the charcoal-armored man retorted hotly. "Let bygones be bygones, I say. You speak with the Count, you explain, and rest assured that the Count is a reasonable man. As long as you're not a pretty girl, he won't do anything needlessly cruel. And you're adventurers too," the man said with a nod. "I'm sure you'll find a way out of the pinch with a few words."
"You're being very reasonable," Luise said. "Why is that?"
"Nobody likes to spill blood for no gain," the man shrugged. "I'm Roberts, the leader of this merry band of tax collectors. So, do we have a deal? Or we can fight and you can knock us out, maybe-and we can wound you-definitely- and then we'll be stuck like this again. Come on kid, I don't have all night."
Luise slumped her shoulders and sighed. "Saito?"
"Does the Count have a...Guild Barber?" Saito hazarded, and to that, the men simply laughed.
"Sure! We'll get him to fix your teeth before you speak with the Count. It's going to take us days to reach the mansion anyway," one of the men that Saito had knocked out said. "And you pack a mean punch for being such a scrawny kid. Never thought I'd see the day someone with a dagger could knock me and Gaston down."
Saito nervously laughed at that, scratching the back of his head nervously. "We keep our weapons," Luise said firmly, with a voice that brokered no argument.
"I think that's fair," Roberts said. "Just remember that if you try anything, this time we won't show any mercy even if you're kids."
Saito slumped his shoulders as he watched the men descend from the horses, all eager to get a camp started. He had a really bad feeling about this. He had a really, really bad feeling.
The moment Luise began to chant, he knew he should have trusted his instinct.
His shield was never meant to hold against a large two-handed ax, and thus it didn't, breaking apart into splinters and dulling the blow that hit the breastplate -thankfully scavenged from the bandits- turning a lethal 'cut you in half' strike into a mere 'It will bruise across my entire chest'.
Saito had no choice but to kick the man back with his right foot as he jumped with his left, trying to reach in front of Luise where an angered Roberts was coming with his sword drawn. Luise was using the horse as a form of 'natural barrier', forcing Saito to stand in front of her and swing his sword wildly in order to deflect the enemies' swings.
He'd have words with Luise if this worked.
He'd have very strong words.
As the blinding white light encompassed everyone on the road, Saito closed his eyes briefly, as did everyone else. When he reopened them, he was the only one standing.
Luise was woozily grinning to herself, clutching the horse by her side -the trained animal didn't bother moving an inch, his eyes covered by the blinkers. "We do not negotiate with bandits," she said cheerfully.
Saito looked at Luise, and Luise looked back at Saito. "Now," Luise said with a dry chuckle. "Let's free these poor souls from their heavy burdens. These perverted swines who serve a perverted noble will be glad to go without armor, and horses, for the time being."
She gestured at them with the wave of a hand, and yawned using the other to cover her mouth -even if she had a mask. "Sorry Saito, but-but I think I'll catch five minutes."
Saito grumbled, but kept his tongue-lashing for later.
He had to remove the armor from six men and make their horses run for the hills. And something told him that removing a full plate of armor was not as easy as removing a breastplate from a bandit.
In the end, he decided to 'cut his losses' and climb with Luise on a horse after making the rest run away. He had gathered a helmet, a new shield and a new sword -and it all looked like good steel to boot.
With the reins in hand and Luise on his lap, he gazed at the horse beneath him and took a deep breath. "Hippy-ho?" he hazarded as he kicked the flanks of the animal which, in turn, made the animal neigh as it began to trot ahead.
"OH GOD ALL-MIGHTY HOW DO YOU STEER THIS THING!" Saito all but screamed as the horse kept on galloping long onto the night, leaving behind just a trail of dust.
Unfortunately, Saito was a heathen.
Thus, no god answered his call for help.
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What about the Shinto Gods?
- Pronouns
- He/Him
- Pronouns
- she/her
...Metaphor for castration?
