Shade for a Prompt: Your usual fantasy world improvements turn your Kingdom into an Empire and run a foul of RPG Rule 133 "Kingdoms are good. Empires are Evil."
Despite all evidence to the contrary within your Empire. You are beset by Assassins(Heroes) Terrorists(The Resistance) and Savages(Uncivilized Guerrillas) backed by the Narrative Force.
That have managed to destroy your coffee farms. Believing your coffee to be a mind control substance that allowed you to enslave your people and kingdoms that joined you.
My Life In Another World As the Great Emperor of Darkness Is Not As Relaxing as I expected [Original]
I didn't want to be king. I didn't want to rule. Thus, clearly, I also didn't want to be an Emperor.
"Why," I mouthed aloud. "Why are they asking for annexation!?" I stared into the eyes of one of my Generals, a Minotauros of the Forgotten Islands, who shifted weight from one hoof to the other before giving an answer.
"They mismanaged their funds and have no way of paying their army," General Androgeos spoke. "King Elwyn of the Elves is a trustworthy and battle-hardened man, but even he can't keep the soldiers in line without money."
I massaged the ridge of my nose. "Annexation?"
General Androgeos nodded. "King Elwyn cannot get his fellow nobles to change their ways; but he also doesn't want a civil war, not with the human kings vying for his lands-"
I groaned. "Elves. Why did they have to be the ones with money problems?"
"Should now be a good time to mention that the King of the Dwarves is suffering from a devastating famine and is requesting we annex them too?" the Lady of the Sand Tribes, the Lamia Skylla, hissed out from her own seat. She was squeezing a pair of pillows with her coils, and looked pretty much to be halfway into falling asleep right there, next to the heater.
"Anyone else wants to be annexed? Anyone at all?" I placed both of my hands against my face. "I was summoned to manage the economy of this place, and even then-your old King said I wouldn't have to do anything else," then he died, and I ended up being thrust into the position of next in line since there were no direct descendants.
"Well..." Molly the Slime stood in all of its gelatinous square form, wobbling back and forth. "There's a small human kingdom that's being threatened by its bigger neighbors. They've come looking for allies, but they'll take annexation if it's on the table and certain rights are guaranteed..."
I felt the need to drink.
"If someone has Kings below them, then they're not a King," I pointed out. "They're an Emperor."
"HAIL THE EMPIRE OF DARKNESS!" the top leaders of the Darkness Kingdom cheered.
"NO!" I yelled back. "No!" I snapped angrily. "That's not! What! I! Meant!"
The leaders and generals of my Kingdom looked up at me. I stared back at them. "Oh no," I said flatly. "You realize this means bureaucracy. You realize I need more administrators. You realize the other Human kingdoms might take this as an aggressive expansion policy. And what about the doomsayers? Oh, and the 'Mind Control Magic did this' crowd!? Am I the only one who remembers how hard it was to convince the Succubus' to not suck people's souls dry because it killed them!?"
"Lady Lillith is asking after-"
"SHE CAN KEEP ASKING AND I WILL KEEP SAYING NO!" I snarled back, making Androgeos take a couple of steps back, both massive hands raised in a peaceful gesture. "I ain't getting married to anyone or anything! I'm not sticking around and founding my dynasty! I told you I'd stay until everything was stable and...and now..."
I collapsed on my throne, "You people..." I closed my eyes. "Fine. Annex them. Their people deserve good rulers. Tell the Kings that they'll abdicate in favor of someone in their royal lines we'll pick. At the very least, we need better Kings. Seek them out." I looked at all of them. "You made this mess. We'll clean it together, but go do your own legwork or slime-wobble or slithering-"
"My lord!" an imp flapped its wings, hurriedly rushing inside the meeting hall. "I bring urgent news! A terrorist attack struck the Kobolds' tribes-"
"Another!?" I hissed. "Why must every damn human think Kobolds are evil? They're stupid, and while stupidity is another form of evil, they're pretty much innocuous if you talk with them! How many losses?"
"The majority of Kobolds retreated in the safety bunkers in time, but there have been a dozen casualties and theft of private property..." the Imp was reading from a parchment, and as soon as I extended a hand, he passed it to me.
"Androgeos, get the Kill Team ready," I mused. "Skylla, initiate contact with the Dwarven kingdom. Molly, you take care of the Elves. And for the human kingdom..." I shuddered. "I'll handle them myself."
"HAIL THE EMPEROR OF DARKNESS! HAIL THE DARKNESS EVERLASTING! HAIL THE OVERLORD OF DESPAIR, THE PURGER OF LIGHT, THE-"
"...what did I say about the full honorifics?" I muttered after a good two minutes had gone by.
"Not unless we're standing on a battlefield and we want to scare our enemies, sir?" Androgeos muttered back, looking ashamed.
"So?" I said, extending a jar by the side of my throne towards him. He sighed, and then put an iron coin inside it. It rattled together with the other dozen or so that already stood in there. Molly and Skylla also put a coin, while the Imp Messenger had aptly flown away to avoid having to pay the Honorifics-Tax-Jar.
As they all left the meeting hall, I watched the next group of people come in. Administrators. Mayors. Architects. None were human, all were diverse in race and habits, and most importantly, they were all my people.
"Sir..." someone knocked at the door as I was halfway through plotting a canal that would act as a highway for the Mermaids to reach other places in the kingdom. I watched as the spider-girl that demurely stepped inside rubbed the front of her spider-legs with nervousness.
"Yes, Rachnelia?" I asked.
"We fought to the last," she aid, her eyes glimmering with the fires of determination. "We-We doused the flames and-and I'm sure everything will be fine-"
I blinked, "Rachnelia? What was lost? Was it saboteurs? What did they do now?" I turned thoughtful, "Wait, aren't you in charge of-of-"
Rachnelia prostrated herself on the ground, "CRUSH ME FOR MY INCOMPETENCE, OH LORD!" she wailed.
I swallowed, and then knelt in front of her. "Raise your head, Rachnelia," I whispered. "You did your best, didn't you?" I asked as I gently lifted her chin off the floor.
Her eyes stared into mine, "My Emperor..." she whimpered, "The precious treasure-it is all gone-"
I shuddered, and gave a quiet nod as tears of blood began to pour from my eyes -a common after-effect of magical training, or so the Demonologists told me.
"Highways shall take priority," I said turning to look at the civilian complement of my Kingdom, no, of my Empire. "Our people need roads to reach the critical areas as fast as possible. Have the Harpies scout for possible watch tower locations," as they nodded, they all shared the same look of fright and worry.
"And Rachnelia, go gather your wounded and bring them to the healers."
"M-My Emperor..." Rachnelia murmured, "Y-You won't c-crush me?"
"Go! The only ones who I shall crush are our enemies!" I snarled, and watched her skitter away in a hurry.
They had dared burn my precious treasure.
This was a war crime.
The greatest of them all...
...burning my coffee would mean their defeat, their demise...their DOOM!
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