Chapter 11;
A Scootch of Piracy
Pundar was proud of himself, he was always proud of himself, it was not everybody who could, with the help of a few mates, reprogram the battle droids of a Lucrehulk and abscond with the whole ship. He had heard stories a dozen times now of a vessel that would occasionally visit Tatooine, and so now, he had paid handsomely to find out when that ship was making a run, its fourth that his people knew of. It would arrive in the outer system as it always did before making its way into the system.
The vessel was almost exactly on time, and the micro-jump had been pre-calculated that dropped him into range. The strange ship was only a kilometre shorter in length than his own vessel, and its width was not inconsiderable. But he did see what he hoped to. A very poor number of guns. They appeared to be mostly defensive. And so it was that he ordered communications jammed and a channel opened to the strangers ship. Allegedly they had translators.
"This is the Profit. Captained by the dread pirate Pundar, formerly of the Trade Federation! You will heave to and prepare to be boarded." To his very great disappointment, the vessel actually did what he ordered. Their drives went quiescent. They ran a series of lights that he did not understand, and then his comms channel opened.
"Oh no, Dread pirate Pundar! Please don't hurt us! We will give you everything, just spare our lives!" Now THAT was what he liked to hear. Which was itself VERY suspicious.
"What the hells?" He wondered aloud, after making sure he wasn't hitting the transmit button. He didn't have much experience with humans, but they didn't REALLY sound all that scared. Finally he mentally shrugged. "Bring us about and bring the prow of their vessel into the docking clamps. Activate the Battle Droids and prepare our Vultures if we need to."
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"So, the pool is now open, we are now taking wagers." The bosun of the
At Least a Little Gravitas roared to the bridge crew. "Is this a bullshit pirate to test our ability, some dumb asshole who fancies himself a proper pirate, a false flag operation. Come now people, betting time is now, bend over your cogitators and enter your wagers to the crew record. And one wager only, I won't have any of you dogrobbers trying to double-dip with fancy pants shit. You know who you are Davidson." The Captain, Ariel Ericsdottir did not bet, and did not vote. Hers was the supreme arbitration. The resolver of disputes. The goddess of war and victory aboard the Little Gravitas. And when the situation called for it. The goddess of profit sharing.
"Bosun, wake up the ladies and gentlemen in their barracks with a little shower." The order went out and the Bosun paled a little. The occupants of the Barracks were good men to have in a boarding fight. They were just.... unpleasant to be around personally. And the Captain just ordered him to activate the fire suppression for the barracks.
"Aye Cap'n."
She stood up with a smile. As the crew went silent she put on a voice. "OH great and mighty Pundar! We beg thee to do us no harm!" The transmission was silent.
"Then order your people to give us no trouble, anyone resists and we will open fire!" The tinny voice came out of the Elucidator. Ariel smiled and waited. The large vessel, actually larger than her own vessel moved in front of them, looming against the prow and moving to pull her vessel into its clamps. "They are not very bright."
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Colonel Langstrom hated showers. Especially when he was still in his cot when they occured. And yet, throughout the barracks he could hear his men and women howling at the injustice of their musk being washed away by the indignities of the sprinkler system. It took time to cultivate their musk. It wasn't until he saw the blinking light of his personal cogitator that he went over and checked it. His eyes blazing.
"ABOUT FARKING TIME!" He stabbed the vox. "ALLRIGHT YOU MIGHTY CUNTS, I WANT EVERYONE IN THEIR VOID ARMOUR IN THE NEXT FIVE MINUTES. NO EXCEPTIONS. We have a wolf!" At his words, echoed through every commbead in the regiment, every single one of the six thousand men howled like a demented animal.
As he ripped open the locker containing his voice armour he begant to sing into his throat mic.
"
YOUR PIRATE SHIP CAN EAT A BAG OF DICKS"
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"The ship is locked into place." There was a pause... "Captain Pundar... what is that sound?" They turned towards the viewport looking out into space. And felt a sense of horror building up. Mechanical sections on the ships prow had split and opened, and a massive turret was emerging from the spine of the vessel.
"RAISE SHIELDS! Detach docking clamps!"
"We can't Captain! The opening sections have wedged the arms in place!" He found himself staring down the yawning portal of a massive weapon.
He didn't know what to do. "Uhm..."
"Incoming transmission...." The Nemoidian went paler than usual... "
It's... weird."
"What..." He was stunned, uncertain how to proceed. "Wha... uhm. What is that?" He pointed as hatchways opened in the craft, almost invisible behind the opened prow. And ramps were run over the gaps, clattering down onto the deck of the hangar bay.
Several of them moved over towards the viewport. "... oh my... we're... WE'RE BEING BOARDED!" The horrified realisation struck them like a hammer. Malevolent blue light began to glow in the open barrel facing the spheroid part of the Lucrehulk. "Uhm.. what is that turret doing?"
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Battle droids clattered as quickly as they could across the deck their blasters raised as hundreds of men surged down the ramps that had been run out. They spread out slowly and took a knee raising physical shields in one arm as they laid down their weapons into a receiving cutout. Blaster bolts blasted divots into the the slabs of metal and then the answering fire spread like a firestorm. Sweeping volleys of light sheeted out like chambered lightning. "Ok. Combat Line. Advance one hundred metres. Give them room to unlimber the heavy weapons squads. Baxter, time until the Sentinels move in."
"Forty seconds sir." The Vox operator called back.
"Blundsen, get that sungun up and shoot that fucking walking thing!"
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The command centre was alive and struggling to make sense of the data and command their forces, invasion forces had moved across both rings, and were advancing hard. The bizarre blinding blue white bolts some of them fired had proven terrifyingly effective, slaying a number of his limited stock of Vulture Droids. And so now the order had simply come to force the matter with B1 droids en mass. Perhaps fifty thousand on each side with AAT's would tip the scales. "Keep an eye on that turret!"
"It's turning to the starboard arc sir."
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"Emperor's blood. Those little clockwork toys aren't hard to kil... is that a tank?" He snarled and reached for Blundsen. Pulling the vox horn off of his back. "This is Lieutenant Mycos to the Bridge. We have significant enemy force gathering with armored support. Estimate ten degrees down arc."
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The entire Lucrehulk rocked as the turret fired. The connection betwee it and the Q-ship that had bound itself in tight and counter-invaded them was nearly broken by the recoil of the colossal weapon firing. The ballistic shell hammered out and struck before they even had time to know it had fired, the Pyros melta cannon turret had sent the shell into the ring above the hangar roughly where the transmission had indicated, the themal bloom cutting through the Lucrehulks limited armour as if it were not even there. The melta charges obliterating everything in the open space beneath where it penetrated.
The horror in the bridge of the Lucrehulks command centre could not be overstated as they watched an entire section of the hull become concave, melting and flowing away from the strike area.
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"Good Strike. Proceeding with mission." The response from the Lieutenant came and Ariel looked down at the gunnery command pit.
"Well done. Prepare to adjust for fire on the other ring. Vox. Prepare to open channel." She ordered as she studied the readouts. The recoil had almost inflicted damage, the open hardpoint doors of the prow wedging the ship in place actually tearing significantly into the structure of it. "Status on second assault?"
"Reporting increasing droid numbers. They'd really like it if Big Bertha would give them a kiss, eleven degrees."
"Do it."
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The order came almost too late. "Open fire on that turret with everything we can bring to bear!" The Profit was not up to standard for a CIS Battleship, they had gone rogue after the affair on Naboo, and thus had never received the upgraded systems that would be needed for something like this. "FIRE FIRE FIRE!"
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Ariel had waited, wondering how long it would take, the void shields snapping to full power, unfortunately not every turret was outside of the void shield perimeter, the ones near the ends of the arms were all in position to fire on her. And they did. Rapid fire energy bolts from the quad turrets. "Bertha, fire free. Clean the carapace of those guns. Helm, twist us five degrees port. Open communications."
A thumb was raised.
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"This is Lord Captain Ariel Ericsdottir of the
At Least a Little Gravitas to the pirate vessel Profit. You have engaged in hostile action against the Imperium and House Hydraxius, and as such your lives belong to me. If you surrender now, we will impound your ship, and see you receive a fair trial. If you do not surrender now..."
Pundar felt horror as the blue light reached a blinding crescendo and then he couldn't see. He was blinding the blinding blue afterimages from his vision even as his weapons tried to bring down the defences of the enemy ship. The shield dropped and he saw fire reaching their hull, striking the target turret, and less than sixty seconds later... "What happened!?"
"I don't know! Their shields came back on at full strength! That's just not possible!?" One answered. Another chimed in. "We have... we have a eighty metre hole cored through the starboard arc, only a few degrees more and we might have lost engines, the starboard side of the core ship has been damaged."
"Can we detach and escape?"
The comms barked again. "You have a hundred and twenty seconds to decide before I send someone over there more directly."
"They can try! But not before we escape!"
"Begin detaching procedures."
"We are working on it now Captain, they... haven't been used in a while."
What was that light? Pundar wondered two minutes later.
A blast of encarmine light shattered their peace as in the very middle of the bridge ten armoured people just appeared fully! They were not there a moment ago. And then they were. The figure in front who he guessed was their captain only by the ornate golden nature of her armour which hid both body and face, simply stepped up to him and his own second in command. The weapon in her right hand ROARED at them. Metal teeth shrieking around a track as, at random, she ran the screaming blade through his second in command. The Nemoidian howled and shrieked in terror for what seemed like an impossibly long time for the damage being wrought on his internal organs before he expired messily.
"Does anyone want to shut down the droids? Or do I have to do this at random until I find someone more co-operative!?" Her words were command and query.
"DO WHAT SHE SAYS!" Pundar snarled in sudden terror and panic.
"Very good Xenos. You can learn." One hand came up and pointed at the eye lenses of her helmet. "I am the Captain now."
