I have a decent singing voice if I do say so myself - high highs, low lows, good pitch and timbre, and all that kind of stuff, even if I don't really use it that often.
That shouldn't be too much of a surprise - when your dad's the god of music on top of a whole bunch of other things as well, you come out of it with neat little bonuses like that.
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves,"
But here's the thing - being naturally hardwired for whipping out musical numbers on the spot?'
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
"Yes, on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves"
It means that you
also had a pretty good idea of how to screw them up like nobody's business.
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
and this is how it gooooooes....!"
Or maybe that was just me.
"For the love of all that is good and just, keep your mouths
shut!" The guard standing outside our cell door - if you could call it that - finally lost it and started yelling at us as our singing reached a horrible off-key crescendo... for the eighth time in the last ten minutes, give or take few. "Or else I'll have you flogged!"
Sairaorg and I stared at him for a little as he panted for breath, red-faced in frustration... and then we glanced at each other and grinned.
"Again?"
"Ready when you are."
"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves,
Everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves-!"
"Raagh!"
...
So.
Let's back up a bit.
The two of us jumped into the void and tumbled down into a new world with the mother of all rough landings, right smack dab in a place called Esgaroth.
Then we got arrested.
See, it turns out we'd landed in what passed for an armoury for these people, crammed full of weapons and armour I hadn't been paying attention to at all, and the locals
really hadn't appreciated the idea that a couple of thieves might have snuck in and nearly made off with their stuff.
I mean, we weren't,
obviously, but you could kind of see where they were coming from - especially since we couldn't exactly explain how we'd ended up there, and they weren't really in the mood to listen either, what with all the yelling and furious motioning and everything.
Long story short?
They herded us right out of there and into the open, and I'll tell you this much - it only took one look around to realize that we
really weren't in Kansas anymore.
Or anywhere close to it.
Esgaroth was a town built on stilts that raised all its buildings over the lake running beneath it. Instead of roads, it had wooden planks that locked against each other to form walkways crisscrossing above the water, and the homes we saw as we passed by came in all shapes and sizes - everything from little cruck houses with timber walls and thatched roofs that glinted through the mist in the early morning sunlight, to bigger log-cabins that rose two stories up and towered over the rest of them.
There were other walkways higher up too - more rickety-looking planks and makeshift bridges stretching out between the different houses left and right, with more people than I could count flitting over them and dressed in woollen tunics, cloaks, furs and leathers.
Some of them stopped to stare at Sairaorg and I as we were marched past them, and from the way they looked us up and down and pointed, you'd think they were staring at a couple of aliens that fell out of the sky.
Which... was technically kind of accurate, if you looked at it from a certain way.
From a distance.
And squinted.
...
Wow, my life is
nuts - and from the looks Sairaorg kept giving me, you could tell that he was riding on the same wavelength too.
I didn't have that much time to reflect on that before they led us up to this rougher-looking, square block of a place that passed for a local prison or something, and man, it sure wasn't pretty.
The inside was cramped and poorly lit by torches and the little sunlight that seeped in through the cracks in the roof, and it was divided into three small and slightly waterlogged cells closed off by rusty iron bars reeking from visible patches of mold and murky stains that would have probably given a health inspector a heart attack on the spot.
Yikes.
Zero stars, would not recommend.
Needless to say, we didn't sit down when they pushed us into one of them and slammed the door shut with a clang of tortured metal.
"You'll stay here until the Master has the time to take a good look at you." Braga, the Chief guard who'd 'captured us' and hadn't stopped crowing about it the entire way here grunted through the bars. "Nasty little thieves. If it were up to me, I'd have cut off your filthy hands and been done with the trouble!"
You could just tell that this guy was fun at parties, couldn't you?
Sairaorg cleared his throat. "We weren't-"
"Quiet!"
I didn't actually understand the words as he said them - then - but even without Sairaorg translating for me I still would've gotten the idea just from the ugly scowl on his face.
You might be wondering why we went along with all of this and didn't try and make a break for it?
Well, for starters, that headache I was talking about before?
Teensy bit worse than I let on at first.
I was shrugging it off fast, but it took a little while to get my feet back under me properly and it
sucked all the way up to that point. Playing along with them to avoid the extra noise while we caught our breaths just seemed like the easiest way to go.
And, for another thing, it wasn't like we were in any real danger. Braga and his men could threaten and spit until they were blue in the face, but they couldn't actually do...
anything to us, really.
What would you expect?
They were bog-standard mortals armed with swords and daggers.
Even at our worst the two of us were still so far out of their league we might as well have been playing another game entirely.
Case in point - the pounding in my skull finally dimmed enough then that I reached for a spark of power and began whispering under my breath right as the man turned around.
"Father Of Poetry, Arbiter of Song"
"All Tongues Are Golden Atop Thy Own"
It felt like something in my head shifted as the magic took form, and my skin flashed with a faint, split-second burst of light as it settled into place.
Braga whirled around right as it faded.
"What was that?"
I grinned as I understood him perfectly - the translation spell worked, invoking the concept of Apollo as a god of music and poetry in all languages to loophole my way into understanding them.
It also worked both ways - making sure people understood me clearly even if we spoke two completely different languages.
"What was what?"
The man glared at me like he was trying to force me to fess up with pure force of will, but I've met squirrels more threatening than he was.
Literally - those little dudes don't look it, but they have
teeth and they know how to use them when they want to, and that's all I'm going to say about it.
Eventually, he turned around again and that was that - until I saw him pick my spear up from where it had been propped up against the wall across our cell.
"That's mine."
He snorted dismissively and gave me another glare.
"Who'd you steal it from, then?"
"I didn't. My teacher gave it to me."
"A likely story." He scoffed, but he wouldn't peel his eyes off of it, and for good reason.
Chiron had given me the pick of his armoury a while back when he'd decided I was good enough to start training with weapons that weren't blunted and dulled for practice, and it was the first one I chose - a wicked-looking thing seven feet tall all in all, carved out of ashwood and topped with a blade fashioned out of gleaming orichalcum that glinted like polished brass with a red-gold hue in the flickering fire-light.
It was well-crafted and pretty useful all around, but as far as magical weapons went it wasn't anything crazy special in the long run.
I mean, don't get me wrong, the orichalcum was a
valuable metal, and the whole thing was enchanted to make it tough enough to handle the kind of punishment an ordinary spear would shatter into a million pieces under, but it wasn't a game changer or anything like that.
That didn't mean it wasn't important to me though - it was
my spear, and I didn't like the way this guy was eyeing it.
"A weapon as fine as this is wasted on a thief. It will be taken in reparation for your crimes."
And there it was.
"What crimes?"
"Quiet!"
"We didn't actually-"
"I said
quiet!"
My eyes narrowed at the half-angry, half-smug look on his face - like he'd already won and was happy to gloat without coming right out and saying it.
Alright then.
If that's how he wanted to play...
"Tell you what," I smiled pleasantly and tried to channel my inner Chiron, and I saw Sairaorg's lips curl up a bit at the edges out of the corner of my eye before his expression evened out again when Braga's look flickered to him. "If you can hold onto it, it's yours."
He scowled at me some more like he was expecting me to say something else, but I just kept smiling until he finally grunted and looked away.
"You keep watch." He pointed at one of his men before turning to grunt at the other two. "Get back to your posts. The Master will see them at noon."
Then he shot us one last nasty look and marched out of the place with my spear hefted in his grip like it belonged to him.
The guard he left behind chortled as he saw me staring after him and rapped his knuckles against the bars of the cell in the most condescending way
ever.
"Don't dream of it, boy. You'll never see that spear again."
"..."
Slowly, I turned to stare him dead in the eye.
"That right?
He blinked at me, probably confused at the smirk I aimed his way before I nudged Sairaorg with my elbow.
"Well, guess there's nothing to do about it then. Sai?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm feeling a little down. How about we sing song?"
My friend blinked, then took one look at me and broke out into a matching grin as he figured it out.
"What song?"
"That's the spirit!"
...
A quarter-hour later, the guard was nearly howling in frustration, the two of us were trying not to laugh so hard we were nearly crying, and the rest of my headache had just about cleared out.
All caught up?
Great.
"Again?"
"No!" The guard roared and launched off the stool he was sitting on before I could answer Sairaorg a second time, looking like a bull about to charge away at a red cape. "No more!"
He even picked up the stool in his one hand and started waving it around threateningly - or tried to, at least.
I'm not sure what that was supposed to do to us across the bars, but I guess it was the thought that counted.
"I don't think he liked our singing, Sai."
"I know," My friend shook his head sadly. "Some people have no taste."
"Hmm." I nodded sagely. "So sad."
"I've had it!" He pitched the stool down at the floor so hard bits of it splintered off as it bounced away, cursing under his breath. "Let some other fool have you!"
Then he made to march out of the room, stepped into a particularly tricky puddle and nearly topped over with a squawk.
That did it - we cracked up and couldn't stop laughing until he stomped out of the room cursing, boots squelching against the floor so loudly they reminded me of a pair of squeaky shoes I once got for Halloween.
"T-That-" Sairoarg finally trailed off, still wiping a tear from his eyes. "-was
awesome."
"Right?" I inhaled and tried to get my lips to stop twitching. "That was fun. I feel good about life again! You?"
"All better." He rolled his neck a little before gesturing at the bars and making a fist. "Should I-?"
"Nah, I got this." Breaking the bars was easy - they were so frail that either of us could do it by sneezing, but it was some other poor guy that'd have to replace them later and that seemed a little too mean a thing to stick on a random stranger. "Well, Courage does, anyway."
"..."
"Right buddy?"
For a second, I thought I timed that wrong. I was
sure he was awake, but maybe -
"Arf!"
-And there he is.
We heard another bark, and then the shadows at our feet darkened and twisted unnaturally before they burst out in one quick surge, flowing upwards and stretching into a curtain of darkness that swallowed us up so quickly you'd have missed it if you blinked.
Shadow travel was always a rush - like you were sprinting through a cold, pitch-black tunnel, but there was no floor under you and no gravity to pull you down - but compared to whatever it was I was doing when I went from one world to the next, it was a total walk in the park.
We popped back out of the darkness and out across the bars a split second later, and Courage materialized next to me with a bark and a satisfied jump.
"Good to have you back, you little show-off."
I gave him a good back rub before I walked up to the bench against the far wall to get my bow and quiver back while Sairaorg ruffled his fur some more.
"Courage?"
He perked up and huffed at me expectantly.
"Go fetch my damn spear."
Braga wanted to try and take my stuff?
"Arf!"
Let's see how he likes a jumpscare-by-hellhound first thing in the morning.
...
Thirty seconds later, I heard a faint scream and suspiciously high-pitched scream somewhere in the distance before Courage popped back out of the shadows with my spear between his teeth.
"Atta boy!"
Then we went from there.
...
"So where are we?" Sairaorg asked as we hopped across the rooftops of Esgaroth - we couldn't walk down below without all the locals staring and pointing, and I was pretty sure there were a few people after us already.
On the bright side, I got to practice my parkour skills while we figured things out, and Courage was following after us from below and probably scaring the life out of a few more people while he was at it.
"I don't know, the Dark Ages maybe?" He snorted and vaulted over to another roof, and I grinned and followed suit "That, or a really hard-core renaissance fair."
"Hah!"
The thing is, I was only half sure I was kidding - a look at the street underneath us didn't exactly fill me with confidence before we scrabbled over a chimney and leaped across a bridge leading past some kind of forge.
At least, that's what it probably was - I could see and smell the smoke, and hear the strokes of a heavy hammer striking against metal.
"Seriously, though, I have no idea. I'm nearly as new to this as you are, and I've never pulled it off with anyone but Courage."
Which is probably where I messed up, now that I think about it.
I grabbed onto Sairaorg before I stepped into that sea of chaos between the worlds, and instead of hurtling across it like the last couple of times we'd fallen straight
down like someone had tied cinder blocks to our feet and tossed us over the edge of a ship and into a maelstrom.
If I hadn't pulled us out, we'd have probably still been falling - and wasn't that a scary thought?
"Are we stuck here then?" Sairaorg actually stopped as he thought about that, freezing at the edge of the rooftop to give me a concerned, halfway panicked look. "We can get back, right?"
I didn't miss a beat.
"Absolutely."
Technically, I had no idea if we could, but like hell was I going to consider the chance that we might be stranded here.
I got us here, I could get us back easy - I was too busy with too much on my plate to screw up now.
"I just need a while to get my magic back up to snuff, and then we're out of here."
I'd exhausted myself at the third jump, after all, but I was always quick to regenerate lost magic.
Even Chiron had said so-
Wait.
"Oh."
"What?"
"I messed up by bringing you here," I whispered. "I messed up
bad."
"...Not
that bad." He frowned and patted my shoulder, trying to cheer me up. "I mean, the trip was terrible-"
Fair
"-but this is fun, and I wouldn't have left you-"
"It's not that." I groaned and dropped my face into my palms "I just realized that Chiron's going to kill us when we get back."
He took that in for all of a second, and then he winced.
Rushing into a journey unprepared? Using magic I only just learned I had without testing it beforehand?
"That's..."
"Yeah."
We were
toast.
"...Now I don't want to go back."
"Maybe we don't have to?"
That was a legitimate question, but somebody yelled out over us before he could answer me.
"There they are!"
It was our old friend Braga, staring up at us from the ground with a furious death glare and a couple more lackeys crowding around him.
"Get down here, you filthy
rats!" He roared loud enough that you'd think he was being murdered, and the townsfolk around him backed away like they were afraid
they'd be murdered instead. "And somebody find that cursed
mutt!"
...
Well then.
Guess who volunteered to be our distraction until I was fully recharged?
Sairaorg and I didn't even need to look at each other for this one - we just started waving and hollering on the spot.
"You'll never take us alive!"
Then we turned around and bolted.
...
I'm not going to lie -springing all around Esgaroth and leading the town guard on a wild goose chase?
Total blast - but it was only when we finally catapulted off one last rooftop and landed only a few corners away from what I was guessing was the town hall that things got
interesting.
"Oi!"
The woman who called out to us stared at us from the inside of an open little pavilion, wearing a long, earth-toned dress and a shawl over her shoulders, an intense glint in her eyes.
An old man was sitting behind her too, leaning back in his chair and wearing a faded brown tunic, patched in places, frayed with age, and halfway covered by a blanket.
"You two are the outsiders riling up the guard, aren't you?" She frowned, stepping out from behind a wagon full of trinkets and rumpled tapestries and things I couldn't really recognize as she looked us up and down pensively. "Why?"
The fact that she was actually threw me for a loop, but not for long.
"He thinks we're thieves, but we didn't steal anything." Sairaorg was the first to offer with a shrug - it's not like lying really got us anything here. "And he tried to steal my friend's spear."
"That he did." I agreed and patted the sling that fastened it over my shoulder.
I think we were both surprised when she nodded slowly, like she believed us.
"Aye, I can believe that."
There you have it.
"You can?"
"Braga's a rotten one." She said, and she sounded less suspicious and more resigned now. "Shame, too. He was a sweet lad once, before his Da went out too deep into the lake whilst half-drunk and drowned for it. Now he's the Master's man through and through, and every bit as greedy to match."
She clucked her tongue and curled a strand of her greying hair behind an ear before sighing in disappointment.
"What a waste."
"Hilda," The old man sighed and picked up a cane that had been propped up against the post next to him, before leaning over to nudge her side reproachfully. "Talk like that'll do you no good if it spreads."
"S'only the truth, isn't it? Everybody knows it, and they give us all a bad name." She batted his hands away gently when he started poking her again. "Aye, fine! I'll hold my damned tongue."
"That'll be the day," He chuckled deeply, before turning over to give us a nod. "What brings you lads up to Esgaroth?"
"Can't be trade," Hilda grunts, rummaging through her wagon and pulling knickknacks out left and right before stacking them into neat little piles. "Word would have spread if there was good business to be had from beyond the pointy-ears up at the Mirkwood."
"We were just traveling, and ended up here by chance."
Which was true, if you ignored the context.
His brows furrowed in concern.
"Alone?"
"We split up from our teacher a little while back, and we were planning to meet up again soon," Sairoarg added, and the old man seemed to accept that easily enough. "Then we ran into your Braga, and... you know."
"I do," The old man agreed. "Not very charming, is he? But it is what it is - Esgaroth's not much good for outsiders these days, and hasn't been for many years."
He sounded sad about it, too, before he took a deep breath and seemed to shake it off.
"But enough about that. You'd best be going now before the guards catch up to you." I think we could all hear the commotion building a few turns away by now. "You'll find no good in this town whilst they hound you."
And see, that would have been it.
What he said made sense, I shrugged and nodded, and Sairaorg waved goodbye - we'd have left right then.
And then the old man spoke up one last time.
"Careful now. They're a nasty lot, and they'll get nastier if they get their hands on you and drag you to the Master. I'd rather travel up to the old dwarven mountain and wake the dragon sleeping inside than have that man spitting and frothing in my face."
Hilda snorted. "Wouldn't we all."
I nearly tripped over my own feet and face-planted, and Sairaorg whipped his head around so fast my neck was getting phantom pains just from imagining the sheer whiplash.
"The
what?"
Hilda and the old man exchanged a confused look, before she turned back to us with a raised brow.
"The dragon, up in the Lonely Mountain?" She said slowly, brows rising higher as we gaped at her. "The fiery nightmare that set fire and brought ruin to old Dale on the same day it drove the Dwarves out of their kingdom so it could claim all their treasures for itself, all those years ago?"
There were
dwarves in this thing too?
Somehow, I don't think they were talking about the Norse-kind, either.
"Haven't you heard the story?" The old man looked just as lost as her. "I never thought I'd meet a soul in all the lands that wouldn't know of the tale in this day and age. Where did you say you were from again?"
We didn't.
"And what are you wearing?" Hilda added, frown deepening as she glanced over our get-ups, again.
Which was... also fair, really, because jeans, t-shirts and trainers didn't exactly blend in around here.
"Clothes."
"Never seen clothes like
that."
"I've never seen clothes like yours, either."
Not outside of movies, anyway.
"You're a cheeky one, aren't you?"
"I've been called worse."
I'm going to be honest here and admit that I wasn't quite paying attention to the individual words anymore, because
seriously?
"A
dragon?"
I hadn't missed that enormous mountain miles off in the distance, since it was obscured by mist and I hadn't paid it that much attention, but that was
all over now.
"There's a real dragon lairing in that mountain?"
"As real as the ruins of Dale, though few dare visit that cursed place now," Hilda grunted. "Too close to the mountain."
And this wasn't just a fairy tale or something?
Apparently not.
"The dwarves of old once ruled from that mountain, their great seat of power. Haven't you heard the songs?
Vast halls filled with treasure, silver, gold and gems beyond measure?" The old man's expression went heavy and somber. "But there's nothing dragons love more than treasure, and so it came from the east. The death of Dale and the breaking of the old kingdoms. The dwarves that didn't fill its belly or burn under its breath fled and scattered to the winds, and the dragon sealed itself in the mountain. No one's seen it for generations, but only a mad fool would even try."
"Arf!"
"Blast-!" Hilda nearly jumped out of her skin as Courage skidded around the corner and bounded over to us, red eyes glowing with delight. "What breed of dog is
that!?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." I said, and then I tapped Sairaorg on the shoulder as the sound of heavy footfalls and angry calls started growing closer and closer "And that's our cue to bounce. Nice meeting you, Hilda, and-er-"
"Alford." The old man offered with a grin that made him look years younger "Off you go then, but come by and visit when they finally give up - you seem like the right sort."
"See ya."
We hightailed it just as the first furious cry started catching up to us, but we didn't get far before we left them in the dust and Sairaorg turned to look me dead in the eye.
I knew what was coming before he even asked it, for exactly the same reason as he did.
"So we're both thinking the same thing, aren't we?"
"Obviously."
"But we're not going to act on it, right?"
"No way, that'd be insane. I mean, a
dragon?"
"See, that's what I thought too! It's way too crazy."
"Right? And we're already in for it when we get back. If we do this, Chiron would lose it."
We both nodded empathetically.
"He would, so it's a bad idea all around, honestly."
"True, true."
"..."
"..."
"It's a
baaaad idea."
"Agreed."
"..."
"..."
"...So are we going to check it out or what?"
"Well, duh."
Yeah, I know.
This is already shaping up to be the stupidest thing you've ever heard us do,
ever, but hear me out on this one - it's a
dragon.
Terrifying?
Sure.
Out of our weight class?
Probably.
Might end up with us getting chargrilled if we mess up?
Likely.
But, again, it's a
dragon - where else where we going to get the chance to check things out, even from a distance?
Besides, it wouldn't be the first giant monster we've faced down, and we were both a
lot stronger than we were nearly a year ago, if we even had to fight at all - it wasn't like we were going to go out of our way to wake it up or anything.
"We're just taking a look, that's all."
"Yeah! Besides, somebody should check on it anyway." Sairaorg grinned. "No one's seen it in generations, and better us than the people here, right?"
"When you think about it, we're performing a public service here."
"Exactly!"
You ever lie so hard you convince yourself while you're at it?
Voila!
We found a nice, out-of-the-way spot before Sairaorg unfurled his wings and I lit up with the effects of my flight spell, and up into the air we went.
...
At something close to five miles away, the ruins of Dale might as well have been right next door for two people who could ignore all the uneven terrain between there and here and the branching streams from the lake running across it, but it still was the Lonely Mountain that stood out first.
The mists had cleared up more by now, and it seemed to loom in the distance now that I knew to look for it - imposing and jagged as it sprouted up from the earth like a giant spine, swallowing up more of the horizon the closer we got until we could almost count off all the towering cliffs one by one, and see the snow crowning the very highest peak as it branched out past the cloud-cover.
"Woah."
They said it used to be a kingdom, and I could believe that just from its sheer size alone.
A part me of wished I had a camera just so I could keep a picture as a souvenir.
Then I looked down, and I felt the idea shrivel up a little inside of me as I saw what was left behind in the valley between the mountain's southeast and southwest ridges.
"Are those-?"
"Yeah."
We descended slowly.
The ruins of Dale were... quiet, more than anything else.
Silent leftovers of buildings and the walls that made them reduced to broken skeletons, scattered debris and half-standing arches that sagged and twisted left and right, with faded symbols weathered down by the wind and water wear.
Some of them were ruined so badly that the stone seemed to be melting back into the earth, bits and pieces you could barely even tell used to be part of a city vanishing into the earth like they were slowly being swallowed.
I could see the faint outlines of what might have been cobbled streets down there too, nothing like the roughly worn planks down in Esgaroth, but some of them had huge ruptures running through them, and patches that were damaged so badly they reminded me of the fine-crushed gravel you'd see people carting around in grab-wagons at a construction site back home.
"Look." Sairaorg quietly pointed at another spot, and I frowned.
There was a statue there, right in the middle of a town square, and also weathered enough that it was just a lump of disfigured stone some twenty meters tall—you couldn't tell anymore, but it would have probably been impressive back in its day, especially around these parts.
Now it was just broken and half-buried, and I could just barely tell it was supposed to be holding something up, Statue of Liberty style - only its hand had snapped just under the elbow and crumbled way underneath it.
"There's barely anything left."
"It
was a dragon."
Yeah, it was.
You'd have to be blind not to see it after this.
The only signs of life left were the wild grass and the vines growing in and creeping around the ruins, and only in some spots - the rest of the grounds were stripped bare and blackened so thoroughly they looked like they were made of coal, and I doubted anything would ever grow there again without a miracle - and I mean a
literal one.
Heck, just looking at them was giving me a bad feeling in my gut that just about screamed 'unnatural', and it didn't take a genius to figure out why.
I floated over to Sairaorg as we both rose higher up into the air again and gestured towards the mountain.
For some reason, it felt a lot more intimidating than it did a minute ago, and the shadows were that much darker.
"Still wanna do this?"
"You're kidding, right?"
But the fact that he
might've hesitated was probably telling, too.
Ah, well.
We're already here anyway.
...
Getting into the Lonely Mountain from Dale was easy - we just had to follow the long, sloping path leading out of the valley and up to the front door.
Well, I
say front door, but that's only because I didn't have a better word for the absolutely enormous gate carved into the mountainside and flanked on either end by equally extra-sized statues of armoured vikings carrying axes bigger than either of us - or people that looked like them, anyway.
The dwarves, maybe.
Whoever they were, the detail was amazing - I was nearly expecting them to jump off their pedestals and start asking for our paperwork as we stepped up their gate.
The entrance itself was more eerie, though, because it seemed both solid and fragile - a mass of jagged and uneven rock stacked up to seal off the doorway behind it and shot through with cracks and breaks, and some of it looked like it had been
melted into place.
I don't think I would have noticed those signs if I hadn't been looking for them either, and it was also how I found the crevice that led us in.
Narrow and uncomfortable, but just enough space to squeeze through without too much trouble.
The moment we stepped inside, though, something
shifted,
It wasn't just the stale scent of dust and rock in the air, or the almost absolute darkness that took over once we were far enough away from the opening - Sairaorg was a devil who could see through that just fine, and all I had to do was will it and I lit up like a golden glowstick - but the
weight that fell over us was a whole other kind of problem.
If that was even the right word for it.
Presence, maybe?
Whatever it was, it was there, and heavy enough that I swallowed and mimed zipping my lips to Sairaorg, who nodded seriously.
No more words from here on out.
The hollowed-out mountain seemed to grow even bigger as we crept into it, and it didn't take us long to find something worth goggling at.
To be fair, the entry hall alone was something else - an enormous carved threshold with a vaunted ceiling and engraved walls scattered with symbols and pictures of all sorts, and with proportions so absurd you could've fit four football pitches worth of people in there and still had plenty of room for more.
Looking around the place was...exciting, I'll admit it - like we were in the middle of an Indiana Jones movie, minus the cowboy hat and the whip.
But there's always a twist with those flicks, and ours smacked us in the face right after we left that hallway.
There were dozens of branching hallways that led off from there, an entire sloping labyrinth's worth of them, and we got 'lucky' on the first one.
One second we were following along it, idly tracing the walls and the next we stumbled on to-.
On to...
...
Gold.
...
Now, I want you to follow me on this one:
Gold.
Not gold bars, gold treasure, gold adjacent goodies or even gold-wrapped chocolate coins.
I mean
gold, the
color.
That was the first thing I registered.
Then my eyes processed the scope of it, and I started feeling all faint and floaty inside.
From one end of the titanic domed cavern to the next, the treasures of the mountain stretched out like a miles-wide ocean - a literal one, made of gold coins piled so high Sairaorg could stand on my shoulders and we still wouldn't reach a quarter of it's height - and that was
just the gold.
There were gems that glinted in every color of the rainbow in there too, swords and spears and armor beyond counting, gilded drinking cups and goblets and enough random treasures that you'd need an army to shift through them all - hell, you'd need an army to claim them in the first place, because some of the stuff looked like it could start wars just by existing at
all.
"What the..." Sairaorg leaned back a little, dazed. "This is...who would even
need this?"
People who wanted to give Midas a run for his money, that's who - and this is coming from Sai, who was a disinherited devil and still wealthy as sin from what I'd been told.
It was the kind of stupid wealth that hurt to think about. My aunt once invited a friend of hers who was an economist over for dinner this one time, and I'm pretty sure the lady would have a seizure on the spot if I ever showed her this place.
But that wasn't the
big deal.
"Where's the dragon?"
Sairaorg beat me to it, glancing around and stepping back as his feet clinked against some stray coins that had scattered out of the main pile noisily.
"You're asking me?"
There was something here, and neither of us doubted it- not with the charged feeling in the air that racketed the adrenaline in my blood right up, and the taste of magic that made me want to cringe away - but I couldn't see a thing.
I was half expecting it to leap out right then, because asking that question was basically handing it an engraved invitation, but nothing happened.
"Maybe it's not-"
I don't know what finally did it.
Maybe we whispered a little too loud. Maybe the coins we stepped on clicked a little too much, or maybe it was just that fate got bored of waiting for us to screw up, so it decided to jump the gun.
It doesn't matter.
We both stiffened as the pressure in the cavern
changed, like a blurry image suddenly coming into focus.
And that focus was
sharp.
"Sairaorg."
"I know. I feel it too."
We both ducked back as the gold began to clatter under the movement of something
buried underneath it, and my throat went a little dry as I realized just how
much of it was shifting.
At first, it was nothing but a low, echoing hiss, sharp and venomous, like the sound of a snake ready to strike, but then it went deeper - a rumbling growl like the hum of a car engine rolled in with a woodchipper and dialed up to eleven thousand, and it was then that the dragon began to emerge from underneath its hoard.
How big was this thing?
Yes.
The answer was just
yes.
Fun fact - in my experience, nothing makes you come face to face with your own mortality quite like having a mass of gleaming red scales, encrusted gems, teeth, and wings bigger than a
freaking airbus rise up in front of you and blink open fiery slitted eyes the size of industrial furnaces your way.
"Well,
thief."
The dragon spoke slowly, languidly, because of course it did.
Its -
his - nostrils flared, and his long, serpentine neck tilted this way and that as he pulled more of himself out from beneath his gold, his tail whipping up a minor avalanche as it lanced out and began to sway behind him.
"
Two thieves, in fact." He chuckled, and it was as if everything in the mountain vibrated with it - even my
bones. "Come now, don't be shy. Step into the light."
The fact that he was speaking wasn't nearly as disturbing as the
way he was doing it - his snout and muzzle shifted unnaturally with every word, and the air rumbled with power and something
other that was making the hairs on the back of my neck rise at just how
wrong it sounded.
Even Sairaorg was grimacing through gritted teeth, and his fists were clenched and ready to throw down.
"Look on the bright side," I swear that putting the false cheer in my voice was the hardest thing I've ever done. "We found the dragon."
He snorted weakly, eyes never straying from the wall of pure, uninhibited draconic murder - and wow, was coming here a
terrible idea or what? - leering at us from across the cavern.
"Lucky us."
"Am I being ignored?"
The way the dragon asked was polite and measured, and it almost managed to disguise the sheer
malice that was bubbling up underneath it.
Almost.
"The only thing worse than a pair of thieves slinking about in the dark." His voice reverberated across the hallway, and the size of them made it easy to see the way his eyes narrowed into slits. "Is a pair of
rude thieves."
I couldn't help it.
"You know, that's not the first time that someone's called me a thief today, and I'm starting to take it personally."
Drop.
Dead.
Silence.
You could have heard a pin drop - or maybe the sound of me swallowing the foot I just jammed into my mouth before the dragon's maw curled up and flashed with a row of teeth so sharp you could cut yourself just by getting too close to them.
It's at times these where I'm forced to confront the fact that my survival instincts are
jerks who tap in and out whenever they want to, because my tongue decided to go on autopilot right then and no one was around up there to veto it.
"Oh?" His forelegs hit the ground like falling boulders as he heaved himself up a little, and the room shook again. More gold coins poured off him, clinking down among the rest as the higher he rose. "Is that so, little trespasser? Have I
offended the insects that intruded upon my domain?"
"...I prefer
visitors."
"You speak to
me of your preferences?" The dragon chuckled deeply, and we took a few steps back as he began to writhe forward. "How
quaint. And though it has been quite some time since last I stirred, I do believe that custom dictates a visitor must be
invited in before they traipse into one's home at their leisure."
... The thing is, he did have a point.
Or maybe not.
He
did steal this place from the previous owners after doing a bunch of horrible things to them, so he's got no room to talk.
Luckily, I had enough of a filter to know that bringing that up was the kind of bad idea I didn't want to play around with right now.
The presence he was giving off as it is was bad enough - it felt like I was tasting static, and the more he moved around, the more the smell of sulfur, ash, and something distinctly
nasty clogged up my nose.
"We apologize for intruding on your domain," Sairaorg stepped up and plastered a smile I
knew was fake onto his face. "We've only just learned that a great dragon was sleeping under this mountain, and we wanted to see it for ourselves."
He even sounded a little different when he talked - like the noble heir he was until a few years ago, and not my goofy friend who was as easy-going as it got and punched like an eighteen-wheeler with no brakes installed.
The dragon's gaze narrowed even more, and his neck stretched out as he came closer.
"You claim not to know of me?"
I wasn't sure whether that was offence or confusion rumbling under the question, but my fingers twitched for my bow anyway.
"No. Our home is very far away, and we've never even heard your name. A true shame."
Oh.
My eyes widened
Chiron did tell us something about this, didn't he?
Dragons were prideful - like, more than
gods prideful, and they used their names and titles interchangeably because they were all edgy like that.
Getting a dragon to talk about their name - and themselves by extension - is a
great way to buy yourself a few minutes if one ever decided to corner you and make you its late-night snack.
"Indeed," Sure enough, the great fiery thing backed up for a breath before his wings
exploded out as he rose to all of his genuinely terrifying height. "I am Smaug the Impenetrable, The Dragon Dread, Bane of Dwarves, and
King Under The Mountain!"
The last roar nearly burst my eardrums - and that's saying something, considering my tolerance for sounds of all kinds.
"And now that you are familiar with my name, I would have
yours." He slammed back down with his forelegs, and this time dust rained down from above as the tremors jolted the entire cavern. "I have not smelled either of your kind before - you are not of Men, do not try to deny it. Who are you and where do you come from that your people do not know of my name, might I ask?"
It may have been phrased like one, but it wasn't a question, and he asked it it like a serial killer looking up a potential victim's home.
Only the serial killer would probably be the safer bet here.
"I am Sairaorg of House Bael, and this is my friend Daniel. And as for our home-" Sai shrugged with the kind of casualness everyone standing here knew was feigned, but said nothing about anyway. "You wouldn't have heard of it, or our kind."
Smaug exhaled, a hint of acrid smoke rising from his nostrils.
"Is that right?"
"It's in the middle of nowhere, really." I didn't flinch when the dragon turned back towards me, which is something I'm absolutely going to be proud of in the event that we don't get barbecued. "It's beneath your notice."
"Hmm." He mused, eyes flickering over us as he adjusted his weight. "Perhaps. I would thought you liars had I smelled the scent of dwarf on you."
"We've never met any dwarves."
And I don't think
you should be expecting visitors, either.
Oh, that I
do know. No stench lingers quite like that of dwarf flesh, and I know it well - no one better!" He laughed, and the cruel delight there was something I didn't want to describe even if I had the words for it. "It was I who drove them out of this mountain, who broke their misbegotten pride and ate their people like a wolf amongst sheep."
Something in his eyes changed, then.
"And how
scrumptious they were."
The way he looked at us now…
Yeah,
no.
We were done here.
"On that note, we're late for lunch ourselves." I met Sairaorg's eyes, and I think he got it right away because he just barely nodded. "Let's do this again some other time. Bye!"
And then we turned around and broke out into a dead sprint that lasted for all of about five seconds before we split up and streaked off in either direction, just like we practiced.
Half a beat after that, Smaug's
entire absurdly-sized head slammed down onto the platform we'd been standing on, reducing it to rubble with the same kind of effort you'd use to snap a toothpick in half.
"I think not!" The dragon coiled up behind us like a monstrous behemoth, tail flicking out like a serpent, wings flaring and brushing against the pillars holding up the place as before charged forward far faster than something his size had any right to move. "It has been quite some time since my last rising, and after such a riveting conversation I find myself
famished. Should the first morsel please me, perhaps I'll permit the other to-!"
"TALKING ISN'T A FREE ACTION!"
My arrow - the one I'd nocked and aimed in the time it'd taken him to spit out the words, and one of the few celestial bronze ones I had left struck at his eye and erupted in a deliberate flare of golden light and concussive force like a cannon blast.
What?
You all know what I'm about.
The screech of pain and unholy rage Smaug let rip felt like it was the horn to call out the end of the world.
They probably heard it all the way back down in Esgaroth, and for a second, I thought I'd settled things before they'd gotten out of hand.
Then Smaug lunged forward, eye-blinking erratically but otherwise unharmed, and his good eye locked onto me.
Crap.
Most dragons had magic-resistant hides, didn't they?
The scales may offer the most protection, but the rest of their bits got a nice little general buff anyway.
"You
dare harm me!" A clawed talon the size of a small car hurtled down towards me and deflected my second arrow harmlessly before smashing down at the spot I'd just been standing in and punching right through solid rock like cardboard. "Insignificant wretch! Your death will be
agony for this insult!"
"Oi!" Smaug heard that and snarled upwards - and then he bellowed in raging disbelief as Sairaorg landed on his snout, wings out, and punched down
hard. "Pay attention to me too!"
The burst from his touki-enhanced fist landed like an earthquake and displaced the air violently, and the way Smaug struck the ground jaw first would have been comical if his scales didn't remain unbroken.
Sairaorg hissed and leaped off warily a second before those jaws snapped right back up after him again.
"Fool! I know not what manner of thing you are, but there is no victory for you here! My armor is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath-" The scales from his belly up to the end of his neck began to lit up with a crimson glow, and my brain started
screaming. "-
death!"
"MOVE!"
Sairaorg and I were up against the roof an instant before the firestorm erupted out of his maw, but if we'd been even a second slower it wouldn't have mattered - his flames lashed out with
real magic, malicious and cascading and
spreading all across the chamber in the blink of an eye.
They glowed a shade of red that was as wrong to the world as the dragon that spawned them, and the heat was so scorching that the stoneworks that wasn't melting at proximity began to crackle and pop like chains of firecrackers.
And Smaug kept going too, even when everything began to go a hellish shade of red with the temperature to match.
Starting to really panic now, I shot down and onto the edge of the room just outside the line of sight of his ruined eye, cocking another arrow - but he must have smelled me or something, because I only had time to curse and duck before his tail swung out and slammed against the entire wall that had been behind me with enough power to shatter it like glass, sending an eruption of dust and splintered debris out.
"Damn it!"
"I have you now!"
Smaug bellowed, still spitting fire, and angled his head off directly at me. The flames incinerated it instantly and nearly caught the back of my shoes as I flung myself out of the way and into the most absurdly uneven flight path I've ever taken, and then Sairaorg took the chance to dive in again.
His strike landed like the roar of an explosion, and the utter force of it knocked back the dragon's head at an angle so twisted it would have shattered the spine of any other creature I could think off of the top of my head.
With Smaug, it just left him that much more furious.
"YOU WILL
BURN!"
…
…
Right, screw
all this noise.
It's time for me to pull out the
really big gun.
"Sairaorg!" I yelled out over the berserk dragon and the roar of spreading flames "I need
one minute!"
He didn't answer, but I knew he got the gist of it as he dove back in again.
I was asking a lot - One minute might not seem like much on paper, but with the kind of fights we get into, even a second could be the difference between life and a ridiculous excessive death.
Unfortunately, I needed it.
I'd been learning magic it for months, and I had only
one spell brainstormed in the tank guaranteed to work here - if I could pull it off - but it needed every bit of that time to make it count.
When you lived in a world where dragons were among the most powerful creatures to ever terrorize the masses and your odds of running into one weren't zero, it paid to have a way to fight back.
This was mine, or at least it was supposed to be when I thought it up.
Now, I was going to test it out against the real deal.
I flew back up against the farthest edges of the cavern and let Sairaorg hammer away at Smaug's nearly indestructible hide before I slung my bow back and reached for my spear instead.
I gripped it carefully and took another deep breath.
There was no rationing power for what came next - it was an all-or-nothing attack, and if I messed it up I'd need Sairaorg to pull me out of the line of fire.
Literally.
"Here goes..."
I raised the spear up and let my divine power surge outwards, igniting a corona of golden sunlight around that quickly went from bright to
blinding.
The air hummed with a new kind of pressure as it built up, and even the glow of the dragon fire seemed to dim as I pulled on more and more, until it it felt like I was trying to hold onto a star ready to go supernova.
Smaug might've stiffened and tried to turn around, but another ceiling-rattling blow distracted him as I poured out all of that power out until my gut
burned from the effort - and then I directed it to my spear.
"
It is said that on the fourth day after his birth graced the world, Mighty Apollo learned of the tale of woe that Python, Child of Gaea, visited upon Mother Leto."
The words echoed, and reality seemed to fall
silent as my voice overtook everything.
"
So great was the lord's vengeful wrath that at once did he take arms and descend upon Delphi, where dwelt the foul beast."
No, it wasn't just
my voice anymore - it had gone layered, and it felt like I was being spoken through so much as speaking myself, the power taking life and meaning of its own.
"
Over and over their battle raged, until at last did Apollo draw back his bow and let loose a single, piercing blow."
The spear in my hand shuddered before the shaft and the orichalcum came alive with pure sunlight, and something distinctly more menacing.
Everyone felt it, too.
Across the cavern, Sairaorg's eyes widened and he flew back at
once, and Smaug's head rounded on me with something I doubt the dragon had felt in a long, long time, if ever.
Genuine
fear.
"What power is this!?"
"Not power.." I said - no. I intoned. "Judgement. With this strike, I deliver unto you your
death,
beast!"
"You-!"
"
Now fall and be silent!"
"No!"
This was my greatest spell - an application of divine thaumaturgy that weaponized the myth of Apollo slaying Python, one of the greatest dragons of ancient Greece in one blow, and channelled it through any medium.
Preferably an arrow, but it worked on my spear just fine, elevating it from an ordinary weapon into - for just one instant - a proper
dragon-slaying armament.
"Serpent's Downfall!"
Smaug lunged forward in a desperate, instinct-fuelled attack, flames surging forward as he charged at me in a last-ditch effort to stop the inevitable.
"
What are you!?"
I didn't answer
I just hurled my spear forward, and it struck home and lit the world with power and cascading noise as Smaug
howled.
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