Suits And Spectres: You aren't paid enough for this

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Trigger Warning: Expect the worst, I'm not guaranteed to mention horrible things in this chat but I might, and I'm too lazy to list every possible offensive thing I could possibly say, read if you have no triggers.

You are an agent for the terribly underfunded Paranormal Operations Unit (P.O.U.)
There are forces out there called Semi-Existents, which are concepts that shouldn't exist, but dig their claws into reality because, in their words "Fuck you I don't need permission"
Go out on missions to stop Semi-Existent chaos
Try to carve a path for the P.O.U in the paranormal world
And also make sure the S.E using you as a host is kept controlled
Job Interview: 1
"Welcome [INSERT AGENT DESIGNATION], you have been hired by our organization for reasons that definitely don't involve how much money we can avoid paying you, it's just that we see potential in you, random S.E-Host we pulled off the street and gave a M.I.B style suit, and have decided to offer you the opportunity of a lifetime to serve your country against one of the most potentially terrifying forces I have ever seen"

"Don't bother leaving we have guns, even if they're not the best, a bullet in your skull can still end it all, and besides, this is an honour"

"But first we gotta fill out some forms, bureaucracy amiright?"


Name Here


Gender Here


Former Occupation



Any Notable Likes


Any Notable Dislikes

(Hello this is my first rp, I don't how to do tallys with just Write-Ins, so just post what you think should fill out these sections, and I'll handpick multiple that I find interesting, and THEN have a vote)
 
Job Interview: 2
"A mobster, really? With the suits and tommy guns? Cannoli and bootlegging? Shit I hope the cannoli comment ain't racist, I didn't even know the classic ones were still around, in my opinion though, the modern gangs are more my style, if I was a criminal I wouldn't wanna worry about getting a nice suit"

"Also yes, we know you're a host for a semi-existent, we had our guys in science look at the results of your last appointment to the doctor, the foreign elements in your blood that didn't kill you were proof enough, also Dr Marchett was a really lovely lady, almost felt bad for threatening to hurt her if she didn't delete the results"

"Now, describe what we're dealing with, don't worry, everyone sounds crazy when they speak of it, I did too"

[] Describe the howls you hear at night, the intensity you feel in those accursed woods, the feeling of teeth digging into your arms and legs whenever you rest, but no wounds could be found

[] Describe the planet of Kazathar, and prince Mane, leader of the lightning lions ripping through the hordes of Kill-Gox The Dreaded, Mane's Electro-Claymore shines radiantly in your mind

[] Describe the feast, the young witch at the other end of the table, meals unknown to man on every plate, waitresses with black veils over their faces bringing ever more, the black sun floats overhead

[] Write-In
 
Job Interview: FIN
"Prince Mane? It's nice to have him back, even better, on our side this time, he first appeared in the 90s possessing thundercats merch, good times"

"Ma'am, multiple children were electrocuted by that S.E"

Your interviewer, who turns out to be a woman, looks at the man pissed beyond all words

"I'll have you know, I got atleast"
She counts her fingers

"9 years left in me, and I'm still looking 26, don't call me ma'am again or I'll become your new dad, got your moms phone number right here, I can wine her, dine her, and do her in ways you can't even imagine, in time I'll marry her, become your father and ground you for a month for that statement, now go back to guard duty or go to your room"
He just backs away slowly, she turns back to face you like nothing happened

"Welcome to the team Alfred Malone, you're probably gonna die horribly with our supervision"
At this moment the former mobster has never been more afraid for his safety, he would prefer what he did the fingernails of that guy back chicago then being near this lady

"And we have a nice first assignment for you"
(There is no vote this time, I'm gonna try thinking up the mission intro)
 
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Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: 1
The fog, it's thick enough to cut
Your fear, it leaks out of the pores, the scent will always guide me to my target
Brother I'm coming home, with a very blunt weapon of course


LINEBREAK

Interviewer Lady: "We're sending you on a little trip to Hopeful County, people have been frequently experiencing panic attacks out there, causing alot of disturbance, campers having heart attacks, drivers also getting heart attacks"
She places some photos on the table, your eyes widen, a family of 4 all dead on the ground, most of their final poses being on the ground clutching at their hearts, 1 kid looked like they were crawling away from the campsite

Interviewer Lady: "Expect more messed up stuff like this in any future missions"
She pulls out some car keys

Interviewer Lady: "I'm driving you to the hotel"

LINEBREAK
Hours later you arrived at the, Rusty Donkey Motel? Seriously? You step out of the vehicle, and whack away a tumbleweed that attempted to hit you in the face

Interviewer Lady: "Welp just for that comment I'm gonna woo your mom tonight, SEE YA!"
Before you even get a word in about that comment like, how the hell did she read the description of your thoughts, what could quite possibly be your new dad, if she wasnt bluffing, hits the pedal and drives down the highway

Sighing, you decide to book a room, you walk through a screen door, ringing a little bell, a 40 year old man with bags under his eyes, most likely from stress, maybe their job is harder then it looks, and he was also wearing some Rusty Donkey merch you can see on a little shelf to your side

Jr: "Names Jr, welcome to the Rusty Donkey, home of the worlds largest scrap sculpture of a donkey"
Now that you think of it, yeah they had a pretty damn big scrap sculpture outside

Freddie Malone: "You made that?"

Jr: "The insinuation that I got enough skill to do that is flattering, but I can't take credit for my gramps work, plaque he left there boasts that it was made singlehandedly in 3 years"

Freddie Malone: "Damn!"

Jr: " I don't believe it much myself, the 3 years thing makes sense but I bet he got some help, now, do you want a room?"

Freddie Malone: "Yes, I'm planning to stay for... I don't know how long, I'll have your cheapest room please, I'll pay the total sum of my stay while there"


Jr: "The current cheapest room is being cleaned out, I reccomend waiting a bit, I'll call out to you when the staff is done"​

You walk out the door and see multiple things you could do while waiting

[] Walk back in and chat with Jr

[] Talk with the slightly unclean fellow with a bunch of cameras, eyes darting in the direction of even the slightest sound

[] Check out the titular Rusty Donkey, you can hear some weird noises over there

[] Stare at the desert for a couple hours

[] Write-In


 
Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: 2
Dry dirt and desert sand crunches under your shoes as you walk towards the donkey, you can hear, low moans coming from behind one of the legs

While driving here, your possible new dad handed you a firearm and pointed out a hidden part of the suit where you could conceal it
So you keep your hand near the secret pocket just incase you found what you've been looking for early, and as your head inches around the leg, you are scarred for life by what you witness

It's just 2 ladies in the middle of doing some, well, "Hanky Panky", but you immediately cover your eyes to avoid the awkward eye contact and since you ain't no peeper, you and both the women start immediately scrambling away apologizing a whole bunch, you for seeing them, them for doing it outside

Then a old dude with a shotgun came in

???: "BACK TO HELL WITH YE YO- oh it's just 2 lesbians getting risky with their frisky and a well dressed italian, sorry for bout that"
The ladies are getting dressed again behind a leg of the rusty donkey while you chat with the old man

Freddie Malone: "What was with the back to hell line?"

???: "No reason! Particular reasons nadda, I just keep hearing about these weird Semi-Trucks"

Freddie Malone: "Semi-Existents"

???: "Whatever, I keep hearing about those things on the news, and on the television they said people were having heart attacks in the desert, too many to be a coincidence, so I'm getting my shotgun ready to blast some ectoplasmic ass!"

Freddie Malone: "They aren't ghosts"

???: "You don't have many friends do you?"

You immediately start walking away, pretty sure you hear Jr call out that the room is ready, yep yep yep, YOU'RE NOT CRYING

[TIP: ??? is very important]​

You then realize you're walking alongside the 2 women, and it is a torturous experience unlike any other

Yvvone: "I'm very sorry that you had to see me and my wife Charlie's........ naked yoga session, the name is Yvvone please don't tell anyone about what you saw, we were kinda getting carried away with our honeymoon"

Freddie: "ALREADY TRYING TO FORGET IT, FAILING, DEAR GOD AM I FAILING"

Where is that fu- damn short term memory when you need it, you grind your teeth while speaking, trying to erase what you saw from your mind

Charlie: "And if you tell anyone we can tell them you're a creeper that watches ladies in secret"

Yvvone: "Charlie!"

Charlie: "It's called negotiating, we gotta give the dude extra reasons to not rat us out"

Freddie Malone: "Yvvone, I'm guessing you're the sane one in the relationship" Charlie: "Hey!"

Yvvone: "Pretty much"

Charlie: "GASP, betrayal! It breaks my heart even more that it's the most beautiful woman in the world plunging the metaphorical knife in my back"


Freddie Malone: "I'm guessing you were a theatre kid"

Charlie whispers into her wifes ear, but not quietly enough for you to not hear

Charlie: "I think he might be psychic"

Freddie Malone: "No I can just sense my own kind, people that barely had any friends in school"

You and Charlie proceed to have a BOTTOM OF THE HIGH-SCHOOL SOCIAL PYRAMID HIGH FIVE, and then the both of you slightly tear up, only difference is Charlie has someone with a spare napkin to wipe said tears off, which makes you cry a bit more

You and the couple say your goodbyes before they return to their room, you then hear Jr calling you over

Jr: "Here's your keys sir, have a nice stay"
You're about to turn around before something that peaks your curiosity finally comes to mind

Freddie Malone: "Hey do you know that there is a crazy old man running around with a shotgun, near your grampa's sculpture?"

Jr: "I see you met my dad, he's uh, let's just say he's losing himself, heard him crying last night while he slept, saying sorry, and forgetting why he cried the next morning"

Freddie Malone: "..... sweet Jesus that is depressing"

Jr: "Yeah it is, enjoy your room, it's 102

You make your way to 102, unlock it, and enter, revealing an old musty place with a ceiling-fan/light and carpeted floors, style of the place makes you think it was around during the 80s, you unpack and rest your head on the bed, and sleep to the low buzz of the light, you asked for the cheap room so you should've expected it
(No vote for today, gonna be gone for awhile, chargers aren't working)
 
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Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: 3
It said 3:00 AM on the clock when you heard howls and screams, you shot up and slammed open the door, with your gun ready

You're a newbie at this, so no one back at the P.O.U could blame you for your reaction, which was every hair standing on end, goosebumps everywhere, and a extreme sense of dread
You couldn't even see the sky in this amount of fog, it was thick enough to make it hard to even see the gun in your hand

Despite this, in the distance, you could clearly see four figures, three were very short and most likely some animals, one was tall enough to be a man
But they all had large saucer-like eyes, reflecting the moonlight

Freddie Malone: "Oh shit"
More screams reverberated through the motel, hotel, whatever it's called, you look around to see a couple people running out of their rooms in panicked states, you even see the camera guy from before holding.... onto...... hIS CHEST, OH SHIT ×2!

[] Use the Electro-Claymore like a defibrillator or something!

[] Take him to the front desk and or too that door that says employees only, they might have med kits!

[] Leave him, maybe you can fire a couple shots at the figures, they're obviously causing this so killing some might work

[] Write-In
 
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Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: 4
It was surprisingly easy picking the man up, your best guess is that your S.E gave you strength to assist wielding your Electro-Claymore
The panic attacks of the other guests could be heard all around you, but sadly you were not gifted a power that could help them all

You run, carrying the man carefully in your arms, you're pretty sure by the look in his eyes that his life is flashing before him
The fog was thick, and you could see it swirling around most of your orifices, attempting to creep in, but a tendril of electricity poked out of your nostril, scaring the fog off
It seems that scientist on the talkshow you watched the month before was right, Hosts of different S.Es have the effects of their powers lesson with others

But the scientist also said normal effects like biting or stabbing will hurt just as much even if a Host with a different source was the one doing it
This most likely applies to coyotes, turns out the 3 small figures were coyotes, and IT'S FUCKING RUNNING FOR YOU

But you got to the gift shop first, quickly shutting the door behind you as banging could be heard, the panic attacks and the coyote noises were then mixed with the roar of an engine....

JR'S PAPA: "NO TOUCHING THE GUESTS!"
There was the bang of a shotgun could be heard outside, and a pained whimper, the door stopped banging and blood leaked from out from underneath, and you could hear the screams dying down slightly, the guests are either getting better or some people have died, you hope it's the latter

JR'S PAPA: "HAHAHAHAHAH!"

The crazy old mans laughter gave you chills, with motors roaring and more bangs coming from his shotgun, most likely riding around on a motorcycle blasting at the saucer-eyed coyotes and man

You hear sounds of pain and remember what you came here to do, you look around the giftshop/reception desk and see not a single medkit, so you kick in the employees only door, and find some cleaning supplies, old picture of what looks like a younger version of Jr's dad and a similar looking kid, probably Jr's uncle, aND WOOHOO MEDKIT!
And it looks like a good one, even has a defibrillator!

You quickly treat the man and calm him down, he's crying a bit from the near death experience

Freddie Malone: "It's okay, it's okay"
He stutters out a
???: "T-thank you! Oh god I saw my high school bullies in that fog, and they were making out with me!"

You just ignore that comment and quickly get up and pull out your Electro-Claymore, sparking radiantly
He stares in awe until you tell him to wrap some cloth around his orifices to keep the fog out of them, he grabs a scarf from the gift shop (you're in middle of the fucking desert why is that sold here?) And wraps it around himself, both of you hoping that it works, and since the fog just sneaked in to touch him, YES IT WORKED

You both perform the BOTTOM OF THE HIGH-SCHOOL SOCIAL PYRAMID HIGH FIVE, and shed a couple tears
He says he'll go and bring as many panicking guests to the employees room to defibrillate as he can and you both run outside in different directions, him walking to the nearest guest

A bullet flies past your head, the Jr's dad is riding around on a old motorcycle blasting at a coyote dodging and weaving through the bullets, the other coyote trying to assist its buddy

But then you all hear a roar and notice the giant multi-armed flaming war goddess carrying various strangely shaped blades, she had tusks, 3 eyes, and wore strange armour which seemed to be a golden jewel encrusted mix of south-asian and indian cultural styles
Okay where did she come fro-

Okay she's holding a panic attack having Yvvone in her not weapon carrying arms, Charlie is probably a Host

She puts down Yvvone gently and charges at one of the Coyotes

Then you notice something, one of the saucer eyes was missing, and saw them taking their fog with them, the panick attacks dying down as it left

[] Assist Wargoddess Charlie and Jr's Papa

[] Chase the final saucer eyes

[] Write-In
 
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Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: 5
DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT CONDONE ANIMAL CRUELTY, HOWEVER I DO FIND IT HILARIOUS
The Saucer-Eyed Coyote faces you and Charlie, the 2 of you charging into battle, your respective weapons glowing with their elemental power
The coyote whines as it gracefully dodges both of your swings but Charlies last swing scratches it, leaving a burning mark

Jr's Papa is no longer on the bike and is now wrestling with his coyote, you expected something more silly but it was more brutal then expected, with tons of scratches and bites, mostly from J.P

The screams of panic from the hotel die down as a bolt of condensed fog hits you
You see.... OH GOD NO
Angelo, the rest of gang, they're back, they found you, but they're supposed to be dead, freedom was yours for the taken
The thing that scares you more then even the S.E under your skin approaches

Angelo: "Freddie oh Freddie"
Angelo holds you by the chin, his touch is so gentle but the pressure of his presence makes you wanna be anywhere else
He grins like a hyena, his gold teeth glistening like it was freshly shined, last guy to say it was tacky and cliche had to eat their own testicles

Angelo: "I'm not dead, but don't worry, you're finally part of that show you had a front seat too all these years"
He pulls back your left sleeve, you regret never mentioning the weird sexual tension that was ever present when he tortured someone, before you blasted the grey matter out of that scarily attractive man
Yes that may sound homose- YEOWCH!

The teeth is hand is teeth that dig into your flesh, specifically the teeth of a saucer-eyed coyote, turns out he focused his scare attack primarily on you to get a quick bite in, sleeve is rolled back down so you guess that was just part of the illusion and Charlie didn't just stand there while a coyote sensually pulled off a piece of your clothing

Chalie quickly grabs its hind legs and you press your hand on the top of its skull to hold it there, it realizes its mistake and begins desperately clawing at your arm with muffled yowls reverberating through your arm

It is currently on your left arm, you decide to summon your Electro-Claymore in the left hand, quickly readjusting your hands position in its jaw

The blade glistens in the moonlight as it sticks out of the beasts head, not through your own hand tho, you moved that to the side

Charlie: "Well that was fucking brutal"

Freddie Malone: "Okay what the hell was your plan then!?"

You both drop the coyote and she crosses seven pairs of arms in a grumpy manner

Charlie: "..... I was gonna rip it in two"

Freddie: "Thought so, oh shit J.P is stil-"

Jr's Papa: "I know what coyote tastes like now!

His bloodstained grin is missing a couple teeth as he stands over his victim, the screams have stopped

J.P looks around confused

Jr's Papa: "Where is the guy?"

Freddie Malone: "He called back his fog and left behind the hotel, so I didn't think of him as much of a threat"

Juniors scream of fear echoes through the air
J.P's eyes widen

Jr's Papa: "MY BABY BOY!"
You have so many questions about the man, like why he can ride a motorcycle and fight so well if he is slowly gaining dementia, how he can resist the fog, and how he can hop on a motorcycle so fast and ride off equally as speedy

Charlie: "Sooooooo, Imma just go check on my wi- And you're gone"
You're already following J.P as close behind as you can on foot

Charlie and nameless camera dude you left behind begin making sure the survivors are okay
As you and J.P charge towards the final battle of this accursed night
 
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Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: 6
Your first day on this job sucks, they sent you on a mission to the middle of bumfuck nowhere, you accidentally walked in on a married couple getting risky with their frisky, you slept in the most musty room ever known to man, got woken up by screams of fear, had to see that hot bastard Angelo before getting bitten, and said bite is probably infected by now

You push your thoughts aside for now though, it is time for action, Jr needs help

You make it behind the hotel, the rusty donkey's shadow encompassing the small patch of desert the 4 of you stand in
Jr is being held by the neck and spasming from fog entering his system
The saucer-eyed man is actually very emaciated and crooked looking in torn old clothes, wearing a gas mask with wide lenses, you guess gas masks are a major part of their S.E considering the coyotes eyes are as wide as said lenses, he is looking away from Jr who he is currently holding up with ease, and facing J.P
J.P is pointing a shotgun at the Gasmask Wearer but afraid to pull trigger since a pellet might hit Junior

Gasmask: "Pah! Don't worry I'll explain everything"
He sounded delighted, and did he just call J.P DAD!?
Why does J.P look shocked and is shedding a couple tears after hearing the dudes voice!?
You have so many questions!

Gasmask: "Just let me kill this PIECE OF FUCKING FILTH FIRST!"

The gasmask wearer raised their other hand, in it was a stone
J.P ran forward shotgun barrel raised

What do you do?

[] Attack Gasmask assist J.P

[] Stop J.P and attempt to calm everyone down

[] Write-In
 
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Fear And Loathing In The Rusty Donkey: Finale
Freddie Malone: "STOP!"
They both pause
Your voice was as imposing as a lions roar, you feel that otherwordly force tickle at the back of your throat, tastes like nostalgia
You calmly lower your sword

Freddie Malone: "What do you want? Maybe we can solve this whole problem peacefully"
You and J.P stare at Gasmask, watching as he slouches and says

Gasmask: "To beat this fuckers head in"
His grip tightens on junior's spasming body slightly, you and J.P tense

Gasmask: "To have whats rightfully mine, I spent weeks cleaning the donkey, getting along with the staff, learning how to calm even the most unreasonable guests"
He drops junior and falls to his knees, you can hear muffled sobbing, dust hits the inside of his lenses instead of tears, the fog leaves the spasming hotel managers body and spreads around
You run over real quick to grab junior, dragging him to J.P

Gasmask: "All I ever wanted was Pah's love, oh god look at me now, I'm like a fucking ghoul from those ghost stories that Ma told me and Pete"
He rips a strip of dried flesh from his chest, the S.E no longer preserves it for it is not part of the host, it becomes dust
The husk raises his hands to the sky, like he's holding up the moon

Gasmask: "Bare witness to why my anger extends past even death"

The fog encircles you all, the moonlight flows along with it, not even the resistance given to you by your S.E it could withstand it for long, now you stand at the rusty donkey much newer and cleaner looking then before
junior wakes up confused and fucking freaked out
J.P holds him close and is sobbing while saying how worried he was, he also asks why junior was behind the building

junior answers it by simply raising a cigarette pack, replying "Late night smoke break"
J.P takes the cigarettes, stomps them, and replies he ain't supporting that kinda behavior, pulling some moonshine out of nowhere
"We're a moonshone household boy! We hate our livers as much as we hate the lord who made em!"

After that snippet of insanity was over and done
You, J.P, and J look around before seeing two young men and a considerably older man arguing, one looks alot like junior, the older man looks like J.P

"I don't remember this" junior says confused once more
"Course you dont" Replies J.P before his expression grows solemn
"You're about to see my worst mistake"

Gasmask walks in from stage left
"What!?" he asks befuddled
"Pah, you did nothing wrong, I just couldn't prove the hotel should've been mine sooner, it's all HIS FAU-"
"It's been 52 years Matt"

The silence was deafening, the illusion grows more intense, the scene changes to the cliffside, Ma didn't take Matt and Pete there when they were kids because she was afraid they might fall off, so they snuck here like the scamps they were
"What?"
"Pah died years ago, you're an uncle little bro" Pete shed a couple tears, his expression pained, his old bones are bracing for something, junior and you shrug while facing eachother

The brothers of the rusty donkey argue near the cliffs edge, their favorite meeting spot, where they used to play tag, where Ma used to drag them away from for sneaking off
Where Pete first showed Matt the stray ball he caught at the big game Pa brought him too, and played catch, since pa was busy whenever Matt asked

Now look at them, bits of brown stubble on their faces, shouting things they'll regret, who deserves to inherit the property, who was the better son, and to top it all off, a shove from Matt with a resounding "WHY WOULD DAD LOVE A PIECE OF SHIT LIKE YOU! HE TOOK YOU TO THE GAME, HE HELPED YOU RIDE THAT STUPID FUCKING BIKE, I HELPED AT THE HOTEL MORE, I WAS THE TOP BUSINESS MAJOR IN COLLEGE, YOU JUST SPENT YOUR TIME FUCKING AROUND AND FLIRTING WITH THAT CHICK FROM THE BAR, THE RUSTY DONKEY IS MIN-"
The next shove would set everything in motion, they were too caught up in the fight to notice how close they were to the cliff

Fear and loathing flooded his heart as the ground grew closer, fear that he would never grow old with a loving family, that the hotel might not run as well without his help, fear that he'll never prove to pa that he was the better son
And that mixed with the hatred in him attracted something horrible, something otherwordly, and it would gestate in the mans corpse, and the corpses of the coyotes he landed on, for many years to come

Pete never told anyone where Matt went, mother cried and even in her final days she snuck out of the nursing home to ask passerby where her boy went
Pa didn't give 2 shits, Pete pulled the plug on him early during the bastards last days

The fog recedes, all that is left is the result of brotherly dispute

Pete: "Ain't it all so clear now?"
Matt took a couple steps back, clearly shaken by this revelation

Matt: "Y-you look so much like Pah!"

Pete: "I am offended by that remark, but yes, and not even the worst nightmares you could show me with that damned fog could hurt me as much as the guilt I still hold inside"

You raised your hand real quick, trying to get one last question in

Freddie Malone: "Why did you kill those people out in the desert?"
The three of you face Matt

Matt: "The coyotes getting out of control, I just let them do their thing, sometimes someone got too close to me, it took awhile to trek all the way here, the whole freakout at the hotel wasn't even my idea, I had my fog feeling around for Pete"
Matt then looked at Pete while pointing at you, and said

Matt: "Okay who is this guy?"
You decide to finish the job Pete started
The Electro-Claymore pierced Matt with ease, the nightmare ended with the man gasping, before blowing away as dust in the wind, leaving behind only a leather mask

Pete and Pete Jr were looking at you with their eyes and mouths wide open

Freddie Malone: "What?"

You have slain the pitiful Lord Of Fog

Gas Mask is added to treasury

 
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