Remove ads

Star Wars the Clone Wars: A Padawan's Tale (A CK2/Adventure Quest in the Clone Wars) Complete.

Reader mode
Also the vote will remain open for another day... Yes I know it sucks but sometimes it happens.
 
Remove ads
Vote closed
  • Voting
    • Scheduled vote count started by Magoose on Feb 14, 2021 at 12:33 PM, finished with 50 posts and 30 votes.
    Click to expand...
     
  • Voting
    • Remove ads
    The Divide 2: Padawan lost.
  • Threadmarks
    • The Divide 2: Padawan lost.

    The entire young Jedi population of the temple had gathered, and you could feel the energy that you felt like it was going to explode into violence.

    The temple guard was… well they just waited for an excuse to step forward and crackdown.

    But the anger from Anakin Skywalker was nothing compared to his… well you didn't know what exactly it was… but you knew it was not good.

    "Anakin what is going on?" Master Kenobi asked as you pushed your way through the front of the crowd.

    Anakin remained silent as he viewed the elevator that was coming down.

    Your blood became cold when you realized something…

    Where was Ahsoka? "Master Skywalker… what did Ahsoka do?" You asked.

    "Negotiated with the council." He responded with his worry evident.

    His hand was on his lightsaber, ready for battle.

    "Anakin." Master Kenobi placed a hand on his former padawan's shoulder. "You mustn't."

    When the elevator opened, out came the Persistent and Powerful Pong Krell. From what you knew about him… he was… very difficult to work with. He had never taken a padawan, and spend much of his time away from the temple.

    "Ah… Knight Skywalker. Still parading around and causing a disruption I see." He started before looking to the younger padawans who joined him. "And polluting the innocent minds of this order. If I had it my way, I would have you exiled immediately."

    "Where is my padawan?" Anakin spoke slowly.

    Krell laughed. "The council has not come to a consensus. Seeing as one of its members have not arrived yet to allow the meeting to begin."

    "What is the meaning of this Krell? Ahsoka-"

    "Padawan Tano will not leave until the council has decided her fate and the fate of all you traitors."

    You raised an eye. "Tell me Krell, wherein our laws and traditions does it say that we cannot protest the actions and rulings of this council?" You asked.

    "I believe the name Reven comes to mind, and we all know where that leads." Krell gloated. "We are merely preventing any more… disturbances."

    The way he said it made you reach for your lightsaber. "Master… I recommend you stop sounding so… hostile."

    Krell gave a predatory grin but said nothing.

    "Then let her master speak in her defense." Master Kenobi stated. "And the defense of every Padawan here."

    Krell stood still for a moment, crossing his four arms. "Very well."

    The Padawans stood, and Bariss stepped forward. "Go master Skywalker, I'll make sure they don't do anything rash."

    Anakin nodded and you followed Krell to the elevator with Master Kenobi following in the rear.
    ---------------------------------------------------

    It felt strange seeing the council so afraid. Even Master Yoda was hesitant to make any sort of sound, hearing from the more Militant Krell, and the more peace-minded Jocasta.

    But it was Ahsoka, brave Ahsoka who was under the microscope. Nothing could escape notice. Her nervousness, her fear.

    The total relief that had washed over her when she saw her master, and he stood beside her.

    "Padawan Tano." Master Windu seemed a little… conflicted. There was conflict all over his face. The conflict that was for all of his wisdom and control… led him to be at a loss. "Was stating many claims that the padawans who are protesting are wishing for change. Is that correct master Skywalker?"

    "Yes. and I take full responsibility for all of them."

    Wow…

    You did not expect Anakin to be so selfless.

    Yoda remained quiet.

    "Laron, do you have anything to say before the meeting begins?" MasterKenobi asked.

    What do you say?
    []Write in

    []Say nothing: You have nothing to say, not yet.

    AN: Here is part two.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • [] I don't understand what is happening. There is a request for change, in a system that has remained unchanged for centuries. The galaxy is changing, no system can remain unchanged for thousands of years without shattering upon an uncompromising force.

    Hmm, anyone got something better? I don't really know what the goal of the protagonist should be. Reform, no reform?
     
    To try something...how about this?

    "If I am to be blunt I am of the opinion that Anakin and the padawans out there make valid points in regards to the Jedi Order. The Order has grown stagnant and is too stuck in the past. The Russan Reformation was necessary for the time but has become the chains that have enslaved us to the Republic. 50% of generous donations as taxation makes us ineffective. The fact that we have been able to do nothing about slavery in the Republic speaks volumes of how ineffective we have become. The order hasn't reformed in the past 10,000 years it's been around. The ideas that made sense then don't now. The war has opened our eyes to the galaxy in a way that staying in our temple, our ivory tower, never could. We know more now about the galaxy and how blind we have been to it all and if no reforms are made then this is the end of the Jedi Order. Masters. Anakin and Obi-wan are like family to me. Is that wrong? Is caring for your master wrong? "


    Originally I was going to end this with a "If it's is then this is not the place I want to be" but I figured that may be too far.
     
    Last edited:
    One Autumn Leaf said:
    To try something...how about this?

    "If I am to be blunt I am of the opinion that Anakin and the padawans out there make valid points in regards to the Jedi Order. The Order has grown stagnant and is too stuck in the past. The Russan Reformation was necessary for the time but has become the chains that have enslaved us to the Republic. 50% of generous donations as taxation makes us ineffective. The fact that we have been able to do nothing about slavery in the Republic speaks volumes of how ineffective we have become. The order hasn't reformed in the past 10,000 years it's been around. The ideas that made sense then don't now. The war has opened our eyes to the galaxy in a way that staying in our temple, our ivory tower, never could. We know more now about the galaxy and how blind we have been to it all and if no reforms are made then this is the end of the Jedi Order. Masters. Anakin and Obi-wan are like family to me. Is that wrong? Is caring for your master wrong? "


    Originally I was going to end this with a "If it's not then this is not the place I want to be" but I figured that may be too far.
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    My first impression is it's political, almost like a politician is standing on a fence.

    I'm having issues with the flow, just not sure why I'm having issues with it.
     
    Last edited:
    Marlin said:
    My first impression is it's political, almost like a politician is standing on a fence.

    I'm having issues with flow, as the paragraph is jumping between "The order is wrong according to Anakin and padawns who have valid points, such as..." and "I believe the Order is wrong".
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    Any suggestions?I was honestly just putting words out there. I am fine with taking Anakin's side on this tbh. I am of the opinion that reform is necessary here.

    Edit: Also Krell is pissing me off. Fuck this guy.

    Edit2: Sleep is hitting me so here is what I want to say in gist

    Anakin has a point. Order needs reform
    • War and recent incidents have shown order to be too stagnant
    • Russan reformation has made us slaves to the Republic. We can't do anything without them
    • 50% of donations too ridiculous. Makes it hard to do job
    • Order has not reformed in 10,000 years. Way too long for any org to go without reform
      • Jedi in Ivory tower that is temple-blind to events of galaxy
    • Attachments aren't necessarily bad. Galaxy is full of attachments and most people can handle maturely.
     
    Last edited:
    "I am of the opinion Anakin, and the padawans, voice a valid request in regards to the Jedi Order. The Order has clutched, with a death grip, onto tradition. The Russan Reformation was necessary in a different political climate from the current climate where the reformation has become chains enslaving the Order. Fifty percent of donations as taxation makes the Order ineffective, compared to a decrease in that tax. The fact the Order has done nothing substantial about slavery in the Republic, speaks volumes of how ineffective we have become. The war should have opened the Order's eyes to the galaxy in a way that staying in the Order's luxury never could. The students know more now about the galaxy, and how blind the jedi of the past thousand years have been to the chains of the Republic. If no reforms are made then this is the end of the Jedi Order. Masters, that's what I'd like to say before things begin."

    How about this?
     
    Marlin said:
    "I am of the opinion Anakin, and the padawans, voice a valid request in regards to the Jedi Order. The Order has clutched, with a death grip, onto tradition. The Russan Reformation was necessary in a different political climate from the current climate where the reformation has become chains enslaving the Order. Fifty percent of donations as taxation makes the Order ineffective, compared to a decrease in that tax. The fact the Order has done nothing substantial about slavery in the Republic, speaks volumes of how ineffective we have become. The war should have opened the Order's eyes to the galaxy in a way that staying in the Order's luxury never could. The students know more now about the galaxy, and how blind the jedi of the past thousand years have been to the chains of the Republic. If no reforms are made then this is the end of the Jedi Order. Masters, that's what I'd like to say before things begin."

    How about this?
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...
    That's what I wanted to say essentially. It's much more concise than my thing. Yeah it's good.
     
    Marlin said:
    "I am of the opinion Anakin, and the padawans, voice a valid request in regards to the Jedi Order. The Order has clutched, with a death grip, onto tradition. The Russan Reformation was necessary in a different political climate from the current climate where the reformation has become chains enslaving the Order. Fifty percent of donations as taxation makes the Order ineffective, compared to a decrease in that tax. The fact the Order has done nothing substantial about slavery in the Republic, speaks volumes of how ineffective we have become. The war should have opened the Order's eyes to the galaxy in a way that staying in the Order's luxury never could. The students know more now about the galaxy, and how blind the jedi of the past thousand years have been to the chains of the Republic. If no reforms are made then this is the end of the Jedi Order. Masters, that's what I'd like to say before things begin."

    How about this?
    Click to expand...
    Click to shrink...

    I might be a little bit hesitant to proclaim the imminent end of the order there at the end of your paragraph. Might be a bit too inciting.
    Could be better to go with an implied metaphor, like: "In resisting change, we have become brittle, and that which is brittle stands in danger of shattering."
    Seems a bit less confrontational and more 'sagely,' which might go down well with the council.
     
    Can we tell if krell has gone dark yet?

    Also, because it keeps galling me? Ruusan was ONE thousand years ago, NOT TEN.
     
    Last edited:
    I'm honestly happy with the derailing haha, this could make for a ton of cool stuff independent of it going wrong or good.
     
    I think that we could also say something regarding the clones. The Jedi have normally opposed or disliked slavery and we could mention the hypocritical stance of the Jedi in that situation. The clones have been trained and conditioned since (I don't know what the term for clone conception is) and don't have the choice to leave or retire. The clones also have limited prospects if any after the war.
    In regards to the Ruusan Reformation and tradition we could mention the changes the Jedi council has already enacted. Since the Ruusan Reformation the Jedi were not supposed to hold military ranks, yet the Jedi are Generals in the GAR. Since the order had already changed the tradition of the order for the past 1,000 years they have started something that can no longer be held back. We could say the Jedi lead and fight on the battlefield but without the traditional armor of the Jedi (because of the Ruusan Reformation). The order has trained the Jedi to be peacekeepers for 1,000 years and is not prepared or wanted to be the soldiers and generals of the Republic. How many have died on the battlefield since the war began. How many have dealt death on the myriad worlds of the galaxy. Our own previous master died in the war if I remember correctly.
    The Jedi order has already changed from what it once was. Now we seek reform. The Jedi and the clones are the ones fighting, we are the ones killing, we are the ones dying. Where are the the rest of the core worlds? Where are their men, their ships? They do not fight for themselves and expect us to die for them.
    They expect us, you expect us to abandon the beliefs that we were raised in to fight this war and you don't anticipate the need for change? The Jedi used to be the soldiers and generals of the Republic, they were also the leaders. Now we are the soldiers again and what has the republic done for the Jedi? What good has the Jedi done in this war?

    Sorry for the huge block of text. Just some ideas I had about what Laron could say.
     
    Forget trying to solve this now.

    Can we just talk everyone down from killing each other. This is a weighty issue that probably can't be solved with a speech. You've got a Knight in the hallway ready to stack bodies, head that off first.
     
    Should we not also make a point of pointing out the lawlessness that the Order has allowed to continue due to its continued shackles to the republic with an emphasis on the crime families and the hut cartels the continued and ever-present slave trade and of course the corruption within the Senate (with the inclusion of corporations having their own seats) How our inaction has colored popular opinions and how it makes it even harder to do the job we were meant to do and how distrustful of us it has made them despite us being "peace keepers"
    I would say something about the blatant hypocrisy of having so-called peacekeepers being attack dogs but we all know it
     
    Last edited:
    Reader mode
    You must login or register to reply here.
    Remove ads
    Back
    Top