Continuing on:
It is absolutely astounding that Tony hasn't completely gone catatonic or turned into an actual villain from all the bullshit he's been through. When you stop and think about it, every single person he's known except for two have been horrifyingly toxic for him, fucked him over, or betrayed him in the worst possible ways.
His father? Neglectful, emotionally abusive jackass still caught up in SHIELD, who was too busy idolizing/pseudo-fetishizing a lost friendship to treat Tony right. Horrifyingly toxic for him/fucked him over.
His mother? One of the two good relationships he's had, by his own admission. He wasn't out to kill Bucky for his dad, he wanted Bucky dead because Bucky killed one of the few good things in his youth.
Obidiah? Fucked him over, betrayed him, and was horribly toxic to him. The root cause of his PTSD for the shit he put Tony through.
Happy? Horribly toxic jackass who in retrospect was probably foisted onto him by Obidiah, and who from all indications instilled a lot of the jackassery we see in Tony today.
Rhodes? Minor betrayal/fucking over in IM2 with the house scene and the War Machine theft. Yes, Tony wanted to give it to him, but the means and method still would have left yet another mark on him.
Pepper? The other good relationship he's had. The one time she's walked out on him was in the aftermath of AoU and a couple of bad points there, and Tony completely knows that that's his fault. Came back to him, and we see an immediate complete stabilization of his personality again. He's sort of toxic for her, but as she's a normal human being who's not fucked in the head, she can handle it.
Romanov: Her first act was to infiltrate his inner circle, and spy on him. Yes, she helped, but she's still left that mark again on him. Then she was a jackass a lot in the events of the avengers films and fucked him over again in CW and made him look like a fool when she let Cap and Bucky get away.
Jarvis/Vision: Fucked him over by being too busy being in love to pay attention during the big battle of CW and paralyzing Rhodes. That's going to leave a major mark.
Cap: Good fucking god, where do I even start on how toxic an influence Cap has been on his life? From the very start, his father's relationship with Cap fucked over Tony with the way Tony's father had idolization issues. First Avenger's movie, a horribly toxic relationship. Between the movies dismantled SHIELD and cut Tony's safety net that he was counting on to let him be NORMAL (as much as he could be given his status), effectively dismantled one of the few good legacies left from Tony's father, and a whole bunch of other shit. Yes, Hydra needed to be stopped, but Cap's methods of doing so were irresponsible and left a gaping hole along with creating massive rippling issues. Then in AoU, we see that Cap's been pretty toxic to Tony ever since and has generally been nasty enough that Tony's unwilling to trust him to have a reasoned debate. Then Civil Fucking War, and the sheer horrifying things that did to Tony's head.
Bruce: Mostly a semi-toxic relationship. Good things, but bad influences on Tony.
Thor: Their first meeting was Thor busting in and forgoing diplomacy. Then the whole minor issue with Thor's brother being the cause of Tony's problems in that film and nearly getting him killed. Thor's major issues, to include nearly strangling Tony in the aftermath of the Ultron reveal. Bad, bad toxic influence and fucked him over in a lot of ways.
I could go on and on here. That Tony hasn't completely withdrawn from the world over this shit, still trusts and tries to help people, that he hasn't committed suicide from a mental breakdown over the stress and issues he faces... good god, man. Tony Stark isn't Iron Man because of the suit. He's Iron Man because he has a will of Iron. He keeps going, he keeps giving people chances to prove him wrong and to prove that they're not going to be horrible to him. He keeps up a minimum amount of faith in humanity, and keeps putting himself on the line for others. Tony could have been normal. He could have given up at any time, stepped away and withdrawn from the world. He could just LEAVE, given his tech. But he doesn't. He keeps trying, he keeps trying to get better. He keeps trying to build a world where people don't need to risk their lives anymore. He keeps trying to help others do better at the protection business.
The dude, for all of his failings, was the MCU Spiderman before Spiderman came to the MCU. He could step away, ignore things, and shut out the world. But he keeps going, no matter how much it hurts. Because he has great power to do good, and he knows that comes with great responsibilities to try and make the world a better place. Yeah, he fucks up, a lot. He has nobody he can really trust to soundly bounce ideas off of, and that means he's left to muddle his way through. But he admits that, he tries to get better. He tries to be less toxic to those around him. He checks his own worst behavior when he recognizes it.
That Tony Stark isn't a gibbering wreck or a screaming villain intentionally doing evil for all the evil done unto him is enough to show that he's a hero. Ironically, the best damn father figure for Peter possible, even if he does need Pepper to help straighten him out.
