"Know I am Grisca. Know I am butcher, ripper, tearer. Pray to the Gods, and the Wyrd sisters who weave men's lives, that you never fall under my hand." "Whoever this 'Grisca' was, he sounds monstrous. These people all but lusted after battle yet in every documentation of the man it sounds like they feared and reviled him: a twisted son of a twisted father." Personal notes of Dr Otto Reichart, chief archaeologist at the Sognefjord dig.
XXXV
Shinji flew like an artillery shell. The world above and below flashed past, but none of it registered. Even fear itself had now lifted like morning mist. In his mind's eye was only the image of that little t-shirt mixed among formless gore.
It's my fault.
Misato would say otherwise if by some miracle he survived, but Shinji knew this to be his doing. Piloting Unit 01 had only been an annoyance to him, a thankless trap he'd been snared in until Gendo's broken toy was repaired. He'd never taken it seriously, never thought it would matter, instead focusing on the day he'd board the train back to Kure and put this all behind him.
Now, Nakisawame did lie behind him: smeared in blood.
My fault.
The heavens and the earth tumbled over each other until, finally, Unit 01 slammed into the side of a hill. The Seraph had hurled him from central Nakisawame straight into its outer limits, where concrete, steal, and tarmac gave way to Hakone's countryside. Shinto gates stood proudly in the corner of his eyes, as if they knew the Gods of Japan would drive away any intruder.
I'm on sacred ground.
There was a shrine here. Despite their ubiquity to all the islands of Japan it had never occurred to Shinji that there was one here. He'd simply not cared to investigate and make the bare minimum effort.
The Gods hate me with good reason…if they exist…
"
Shinji!? Shinji!? Talk to me!" Misato's voice, filled with a frantic worry, coaxed Shinji from the fog about his mind.
"It's all my fault…" He whispered.
"
Listen to me. You need to retreat right now. The military will cover you."
As if to punctuate her point, booms and crumps now shook the earth. The Empire's warplanes and armour crested the hills that surrounded the city. Tanks gathered like a swarm of steel ants, belching smoke like dragons of western myth. Sword shaped FCVs gracefully came about to bring their broadsides to bare; missiles corkscrewed away as secondary armaments barked their challenge to the intruder.
The Seraph would learn as the Chinese once learned; the warriors of the Emperor did not give up so easily.
Not like me.
Shinji tried to shake the haze away, as much as he was tempted to lie there forever. Orders were orders, and he had to obey. It was the one thing he was good at.
Shinji gingerly forced Unit 01 to rise, only to catch a few second glimpse of the Seraph flying at him as if fired from the barrel of a gun. It crashed into him with a thunderclap and knocked him down. Unit 01's head smashed hard against rock whilst the Seraph pinned its prey and gave loving slash after slash.
Just kill me, damn you! I deserve it!
Shinji weakly flailed to block, to shield himself from the furious assault. Unit 01's arms were lacerated with fire again and again. After a while, Shinji ran out of oxygen to scream with.
But then the Seraph paused. For some reason, its gaze hovered over a cluster of bushes just next to Unit 01's head. Shinji couldn't help but follow its gaze. His eyes went wide.
Inexplicably, two boys sat there, gawking up at him and his assailant. And as if fate didn't have enough of a vicious sense of humour, Shinji knew them.
Indeed, he'd gotten thoroughly acquainted with Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida that very morning.
The Seraph slowly turned back to Shinji, leering with what he could only assume was a smile. Immediately, its design became clear.
"
No." Shinji shot out a hand to grab the tendril that darted for the two boys. He closed his fingers around it and had to clench his teeth. Armour and flesh roasted and bubbled in equal measure.
The boys tried to flee, but the 5th Seraph was able to flick the edge of its tendril in a semi-circle just in front of them. They scrambled back, a desperate fear in their eyes.
Shinji knew well enough what they felt, and his enmity to the two ebbed for a moment.
If he could just get out of there and make for open country, then he might draw the Seraph away from the city and the frightened masses of people he'd failed so horrifically. Away from the two boys who'd administered and overseen the worst beating he'd ever known.
Shinji thought about pushing with his Field, then dismissed it; Toji and Kensuke would be crushed in a heartbeat by that. He could try and fight, but the risk remained.
Shinji didn't want anyone else dying on his account today.
How do I get out of this…how, how, how…
"
Shinji, retract your plug." Misato's voice crackled.
"What?" Shinji frowned.
"
Retract your plug and get those two on board. You'll be able to fight freely then."
"Roger that."
As instructed, careful not to totally sever his connection to Unit 01, he threw back the various switches and pulled the handle below his seat. He felt the thrust of the cylinder erupting out of the Evangelium's back, then darted for the emergency hatch. Built in at the side, it was a way ejected Eva pilots could escape or be rescued.
Sliding it back with suddenly numbed hands, Shinji felt a brief bit of nausea as he looked outside. His eyes were still connected to the Eva, and this double vision baffled them. He shook his head and felt it pass. Ten metres away, Toji and Kensuke were half frozen with fear and surprise as they saw him peer out the plug.
"Get in!" Shinji shouted.
Dumbfounded, they didn't move.
"
Get. In." An uncharacteristic snarl bit into Shinji's tone. It snapped the two boys out of their stupor and they darted for the plug. The Seraph's tendrils briefly flashed as they tried to jab at them, but Unit 01 held the beast firm. Some sort of alien snarl caused Shinji's stomach to turn inside out, knowing full well what the Seraph had in mind for him now that he'd ruined its fun.
Shinji stilled his fear for a few precious seconds and hauled the boys into his plug. They were oddly light in his hands, although he had no time to spare thought for it. He slid the hatch shut, then threw himself back into his chair, flicking the necessary switches for the plug to sheathe itself in the Eva's back once more.
The pain immediately surged back into his fingers. Shinji hissed.
Toji and Kensuke yelped. He heard the latter wail about "his hands" and understood them to now be partially connected to Unit 01 as he was.
Whether or not that caused problems remained to be seen.
"Katsuragi-san, I've got them." He relayed via radio to Nerv's CIC.
"
Good. Now get the hell out of the there."
"W-what's going on?" Kensuke warbled.
"
Shut up and let me focus." Shinji snarled, some enmity for the day's earlier events biting into his tone.
The Seraph intensified its attempts to murder him, slashing at his eyes, so Shinji had to grip all the tighter. Concentrating, he reached into himself as he did before and pushed out with all his strength.
The enemy was buffeted and its grip slackened, but blasted back by a hurricane.
It'll do.
Shinji moved to throw it off, but felt his strength sluggishly stretch and wane. A cacophony of thoughts not his own swirled around in his mind. Fear and worry, just as profound as his, caused everything to fall into a muddle.
No. Fight it. Focus.
He pushed and the Seraph briefly wobbled, only for it to steady itself and push him down again. Before he could ask for help though, help appeared.
Over the storm of burning and scraping, came thunder. An FCV had come as close as it dared, broadsiding the Seraph from a mere two kilometres away. As the Seraph had left the city, the ship could play with one or two more of its toys, and the whine of charging rail guns swiftly preceded the scream of those tungsten slugs slamming into the Seraph's H-Field.
All of a sudden, the Seraph's weight became just that bit heavier as the sheer force of the salvo bled through even its nigh invincible shield. With his enemy thrown off balance, Shinji thrust Unit 01's head forward and felt the dull thud of connection.
The Seraph's arrow like head snapped back. As if the straw had broken the camel's back, the beast convulsed, and spewed a foul looking liquid all over him. Once it started it couldn't stop.
Shinji didn't waste his opportunity. Again, he reached within and pushed out, this time finally getting the enemy off him. It staggered back, hunched over and spewing, flecks of royal blue mixed in amongst the indescribable liquid.
It's H-Field withered then failed completely, and two more rounds from the FCV's rail guns punched gaping holes through its flesh. The Seraph screamed. Its agony reverberated through Shinji's ears like hot knives.
They'd hurt it, badly.
They'd also made it angry beyond reckoning.
"
That's your window, Shinji. Fall back!"
Shinji obliged and scrambled away, catching a glimpse of bottomless hatred from the Seraph's black eyes. His footsteps felt looser than they'd been before, but he pushed on regardless. The Eva's mighty strides carried it away from the battlefield and toward safety. His hud flickered and indicated an elevator a mere two clicks away.
It would take him back into Levav Base, beneath all that armour and earth, where Nerv would pause and think before trying again whilst the military drew the enemy away from Nakisawame; away from all those people he'd failed.
At that Shinji felt about as nauseous as the Seraph must have been.
"You're running away?" Toji's eyes had narrowed into this slits Shinji had seen not a few hours before.
"Not now." Shinji rasped, momentarily taken aback by how raw and painful his throat felt, run ragged by his screams and shouts.
Toji snarled at that. "Hey, try not to crush any more little girls whilst you're at it-"
"
Not. Now."
"
Shinji, look out!" Misato's shriek caused Shinji to snatch a glimpse over his shoulder and roll just in the nick of time.
The wreckage of the FCV which had saved his life not a few minutes before hit the ground in front of him like a steel comet. Already in flames it crumpled and detonated. Shinji pushed his Field out to shield himself from the force of it, but still he felt his heels dig into the muddy earth.
He breathed, feeling the heat from the inferno, as his mind unhelpfully filed through crew numbers for Japanese warships.
Susanoo class FCV. A thousand sailors, officers, and airmen. A full company of marines.
The flames burned intensely, tinged with the blue of the vessel's ignited anti-matter engines. Shinji knew no one had survived.
"All my fault…all my fault…" He whispered, forgetting where he was and that people could hear him.
"
Enemy closing on your position. You'll have to fight, pilot. Use your prog knife."
Command and instinct caused him to turn, knowing what was there, what flew towards him like a bullet.
The Seraph had recovered and decided he wasn't going anywhere.
It was angrier now, somehow. It's whips unfurled to their maximum extent and trailed behind it as the beast charged. Again, Shinji rolled. The words to produce his prog knife failed to come out of his flapping tongue. The Seraph predicted him this time and course corrected. It knocked him clean off his feet.
The world spun and Unit 01 fell face first into the dirt. Shinji struggled to rise, then felt a burning rope wrap itself round his neck and squeeze. He half gagged, half screamed, as he flailed to pull the tendril off.
The Seraph leisurely tightened its grip, turned, and dragged him behind it. Always, always, Shinji's mind fought against the sensation.
I can breathe. I'm not burning. It's all in your mind.
Hapless Toji and Kensuke meanwhile had no clue as to how an Eva operated. They clutched their throats and clawing for breath. Shinji thought to tell them that it was just a sensation, that they felt what the Eva felt, but he didn't have time. He fought with all his strength to get the tendril off and, after some struggle, he felt it loosen. Sensing escape, he tried to abruptly rip it off then flee, only for the other tendril to smack him in the back of the head.
His head hit the ground and that dark haze descended once more. Toji just about clung on to the back of his seat whilst Kensuke lay on his back half comatose.
Useless cowards. A part of his mind unkindly snapped.
Blinking through the haze, cold dread crawled up his spine as he realised where he was.
Nakisawame stretched out in front of him, massed throngs of people still trying to flee, rank upon rank of tanks still hammering away at their enemy for what good it did; the Seraph's field had rejuvenated and now rounds simply bounced off flickers of red lightning.
The beast loomed over him, something long and sharp in one of its tendrils, and Shinji only just realised it was the steel tip of a skyscraper used as a makeshift spear.
The Seraph punched the steel through his shoulder. Shinji cried out, louder than he'd done before, as shoulder plate shattered and lung was torn. His enemy drove its makeshift spear in deep, pushing into the ground itself so it could not be easily dislodged.
The Seraph gently brought its face to within a mere metre of Unit 01's. Shinji wanted to shrivel up inside himself.
Then thunder broke between his ears.
See your failure, maggot.
Shinji's ears rang, his skull throbbed, and nausea filled him. But as quickly as it came, it went.
"Did you…" He turned to his passengers and saw them far too groggy to answer, although Kensuke stood on his feet again: he wheezed a deep wheeze indeed.
The Seraph turned away, making sure Shinji could see its every move. It leisurely waded back into the city, tendrils gently swishing through the air. As if pulled by gravity, it leaned in the direction of tens of thousands of fleeing families.
The screams rose like a wave in the ocean.
"No…no, no, no…" Shinji tried to rise but the agony of the foreign body plunged through his chest paralysed him.
The other boys looked on aghast, knowing what the Seraph was about to do. Kensuke could only stare, whilst Toji's mouth desperately flapped.
"
Do something!" He shouted.
Japanese armour had already advanced into Nakisawame to shield civilians and coordinate the evacuation, whilst the Imperial Aviation Corps continued its relentless, futile attack on the mad Demi-god.
Now their fire became all the more intense. The 5th Seraph swooped down on them, tendrils snapping through the air with sadistic glee.
As ever, as would always be, the Imperial Army held its ground against the invader. Shells were loaded and barrels belched fire at an increased but disciplined rate. The rattle of the FCVs's guns ebbed as their primary armaments became impossible to use due to the proximity of their own troops and the civilians they wished to protect.
The Seraph revelled in it. Their powerlessness nourished it, their inability to deny him his bloody prizes intoxicating.
It was then that Shinji understood.
This creature, this force of nature, could not be stopped by anything but an Evangelium. It would merrily massacre everything from the shores of Kyushu to the mountains of Hokkaido. The land of the rising sun and her people would only be a memory by the time it was done.
Then, drenched in Japan's blood, this demon would cross the Yellow Sea and start the horror again in Asia and beyond. If it had a face, a blood spattered beam would cover it from ear to ear.
Butcher…it's just a fucking butcher!
After destroying an armoured platoon with a single swipe, it looked over its shoulder at Unit 01, tilting its head. His desperate struggle against the spear in his shoulder appeared to please it.
It pressed on.
VTOLs closed to point blank range and unleashed their entire armament to no effect. The Seraph ignored them and casually reached out to slice a large office block. With perfect precision it cut at the base, allowing the building to crash down on the road and fence in a few thousand people.
Unit 01's ears picked up the sickening wet crunch of the tons of steel and glass that crashed down on meat. The screams had reached their crescendo and couldn't get any louder.
The Seraph advanced down the road. It hungrily fixed its gaze upon those behind the thin line of tanks, and lovingly swished its tendrils.
Some little insects crawled up the rubble from the other side to stand on top of it. Soldiers, mere infantryman, they fired their small arms at the Seraph, whilst trying to help people climb over the ruined skyscraper. In amongst them where even a few khaki tunics. Kenpeitai tried to push people, namely the little ones, up into the hands of the soldiers above.
Some drew their side arms and fired on their assailant for good measure.
They had no Eva. The power of a god didn't flow through their fingertips, nor where they shielded by mighty H-Fields. These were just normal men with rifles and body armour.
Yet they stood where he had collapsed.
The Seraph was to be on them in seconds.
Shinji knew well enough what would happen next.
Slowly, the visage of the enemy faded then moulded into something else. The screams did not abate and neither did the gunfire, but he instead heard echoing laughter in mandarin. The streets of another, now infamous, city were choked with the dead and the dying: men, women, and children; young and old.
All had been gunned down as they fled, bullets striking them in the back as they ran. Sticky blood flowed like a river over the tarmac.
Claustrophobia set in as Shinji felt a familiar heavy warmth surround him, that pile of bodies the flies flocked around. He'd a hiding place then, but not now.
Just as it was those long years ago, he couldn't do anything to stop the cruel massacre the helpless. All he could do was cower and pray that they'd find him last.
The navy blue tunics of the men out there changed to puffy, camouflaged suits, helmets and Kevlar vests of a similar colour. Their old semi-automatics barked as they tried, tried, to hold back the tide.
Among them a young man, not much older than he was now, who'd taken his small hand and shared his rations with him when teacher had vanished. Shinji's eyes moistened, his mind fighting to stop the memory, but his involuntary recollection was not finished.
At last, the nightmare repeated came to its fruition. The pair of kind eyes that had shown him such warmth were now wide with pain. The soldier's torso had been ripped away, and his entrails dragged behind him.
If only he'd been faster, Shinji miserably thought. If his stupid little legs had pumped just that bit harder, they might have missed that shell.
All my fault…all my fault!
The Seraph had all but finished slaughtering the tanks. One, the only survivor, had been knocked aside. Scorched and ruined, its tracks slashed, its turret still whirred and belched smoke at the enemy.
The Seraph ignored it. To Shinji's mind it probably revelled in the tank's inability to stop it claiming its trapped, terrified, prize.
It loved the misery it caused. Cold, dry laughter echoed through his mind.
Something inside him
snapped at that.
I hate you.
His icy fear began to warm, pulsating all the harder. In but a split second the cold had melted into something else: white, hot, and angry.
He couldn't do anything for Fukuyama, or for Corporal Ryusaki. But he could do something for these people; he could send their tormentor to Yomi
screaming.
A bestial roar tore its way free from Shinji's throat.
And Unit 01 obeyed his command to rise.
