Sovereignty of Evangelium: Arrival (Evangelion AU)

Chapter 27: Archbishop's Sanctum
"Faith is a marvellous thing. It grants hope to those who struggle and peace to the dying. But blind faith? There lies the road to madness." Pope Paul VII answering the question of a worshipper, circa July 2014

XXVII

Candles flickered in the dark, their light glinting off a golden cross mounted on an altar, a sword laid in front of it. Dimly they illuminated the grey floors and walls built with ancient stone. Above, only just visible in the gloom, was a glorious painted ceiling, of angels and men returning to their true source: God.

Before the altar and its golden cross, kneeling on the hard stones with eyes closed, was the owner of this sanctum. He was an ordinary looking man in an ordinary suit upon initial inspection, clearly no older then forty with short cut brown hair. But if you peered through the shroud of gloom, you could almost mistake the skin for being stretched and the face weathered indeed.

He was old. Older than many could imagine.

Gently, repetitively, his quiet and calm breath tickled his ears. The faint tang of wine taken in communion still touched his tongue, as the remnant of holy incense lingered in his nostrils.

The stones were harsh against his now hardened knees, which were as he wished.

When one lifts their thoughts to God, they must be reminded of the wickedness they stand on. That so many men of the cloth fail to understand this is a sad indictment of our fallen world.

The man quietly tutted, chastising himself from straying from his prayers. He could ill afford such lapses as plans accelerated and the day of Rapture came closer and closer; the Almighty's guidance had never more been needed.

My Lord God, show me the way. Ikari is wily and seeks to counter our movements. He may yet undo everything.

The Chapel's mighty wooden doors creaked open. He masked his wince well. Telltale footsteps, heavy and full of purpose, echoed off the stone floor.

His prayers would have to wait.

The man sighed, opened his brown eyes, and gently rose from his knees. Abruptly, the footsteps came to a halt.

"Forgive me, Excellency." Said a harsh voice. "I know you prefer a quiet church."

"It is no trouble. What is your need, my child?" The Archbishop of the Viaticum straightened out his suit and turned to face the intruder.

A man more bear than human stood there, save for his black business suit. Penance, the enforcer, stood at over six feet tall. His blue eyes burned with a zeal that left the faithless to cower and quail. Yet the Archbishop was unmoved by the vastness of a man who'd personally killed hundreds without compunction.

To the faithful, Penance is no danger. To me, he is a gentle son.

"There are a few issues, Excellency. Lorenz has asked for an audience. And a reliable source has informed me that some of our acolytes are having doubts." Penance said.

Issues indeed.

"Admit Kihl. We shall resolve his matters whilst conversing over the rest."

"As you wish, Excellency." Penance bowed his head then marched back out the door.

The Archbishop turned to look at the golden cross, standing proud on his altar, to steady his thoughts. That light and symbol stood strongest in this turbulent world. It was the rock in the storm for all those who had let Christ into the hearts, and that which revealed the road to Heaven.

Praise be to God.

Heavy footsteps echoed again, followed by two lighter and slower footfalls. They tried to be heavy and purposeful, but there was little strength in them.

Ah, Kihl. Age is a cruel master, isn't it?

The two men entered the room. Now at Penance's side stood an old man. Hunched and grey, he wore a visor to help his cloudy eyes. He wore his suit open, practical for a man of politics dashing from meeting to meeting.

Despite being the littlest and perhaps the lesser man in the room, to the world Chariman Lorenz was among the most influential people alive. As nominal leader of the United Nations he had clout others could only dream of.

Alas, his power was not as secure or far reaching as it should have been.

The scrolls of Megiddo speak only true. But there have been irregularities here and there. The rise of snapping hounds like Aurelian, like Vance, like Motichka, were not foreseen.

An unfortunate twinge of anger darted down his spine. The thought of all those fallen faithful among the blue helms, slain by that reprobate Aurelian some fifteen years before, disgusted him.

He will be left behind. See how your power prevails against God, "Princeps." The Rome you so admire fell before him too.

"Excellency." The two men bowed their heads, which the Archbishop returned.

"What has brought you to my sanctum, Kihl?" He said.

"It is Ikari, Excellency. More must be done." Kihl answered sharply.

"Ah." The Archbishop nodded. "And what do you suggest be done?"

"We should do as we have done thousands of times before: remove the heretic."

The Archbishop suppressed a chuckle. In Kihl's old face he still saw the sparkling eyes of a young initiate desperate for guidance. The man's humble zeal kept him going as his body fell apart, but sometimes it blinded him to more delicate approaches.

Among Kings and Emperors you are unseen, pulling strings perceptible only to you. But the faithless? Your wrath reveals itself.

"Could he be removed, Penance?" The Archbishop pondered aloud.

"Yes, Excellency. It would be difficult and take some time, but we could kill him…" Penance's face tightened as he dropped his gaze.

"Could?" A faint smile danced across the Archbishop's weathered lips. "Is the relentless Penance hesitant to smite a heretic?"

"No, Excellency. It would be done-"

"You are wise to be cautious." The Archbishop noted a candle flicker out and went to light it again. "Gendo Ikari likely has more countermeasures than Christ has followers. Should he be abruptly slain then at least one would be activated. No, we must tread with care."

"But something must be done, Excellency." Kihl pressed desperately. "That blasphemer undermines everything we do. And I fear that abomination he's created may be key to his plan to undo us. We could at least strike against that."

"Kill the First Child?" The Archbishop shook his head as he coaxed the little candle back to life. "It is a crime against God's creation, to be sure, but Ikari would only make another one."

"Then…what are we to do? His speeding the development of the dummy plug is obviously provocation to which we must respond." Kihl's shoulders began to droop in resignation.

"And our response would concentrate our resources elsewhere." The Archbishop said nonchalantly, as if Gendo's move were a well answered maths equation. "He has played his hand well."

Ironic. I ordered the deaths of billions, knowing what must be. And I would do so again. But this one well placed life we must tread so carefully around. He hid a small smile. God forgive me, but I enjoy the challenge.

"Then we must play his game for now." Growled Penance.

"Indeed." The Archbishop relit the candle then turned back to them. "Accelerate production of the MP Evas. If that must come at the cost of infiltrating Nerv, then so be it. The Lord's messengers will be enough, regardless of Ikari's plans."

Ah, our heralds. Their grand, glorious wings shall sweep over the world…

He looked up at the ceiling to try and imagine those massive beasts among the heavenly host. Then, as he stared, a thought came to him.

The hosts of HeavenLord you work in mysterious ways.

"What is the status of the new dreadnought program?" His question caught Penance and Kihl by surprise. The former tilted his head whilst the latter frowned.

"In excess of ninety percent, Excellency. They should be fully online in about a month's time." Kihl said, stroking his chin.

"And they are crewed by the faithful?"

"All critical staff walk the path."

"Excellent. Use your influence in the UN to get them deployed to Japan as soon as possible."

"As you wish. I shall alert the Japanese Parish to prepare for their arrival." The frown almost immediately lifted on Kihl's gnarled old face.

Gendo Ikari could not refuse three of the most powerful FCV's ever built being added to his arsenal, all whilst knowing the Viaticum now had the means to keep a closer eye on him. As if that was not enough, now hundreds of acolytes had the chance to interact with and slip into Levav Base.

In the Archbishop's eyes it was perfect.

"With that matter concluded-" He switched his attention to Penance. "You wished to speak of faith wavering in a few?"

Penance nodded. "Yes, Excellency. I have the names of some four dozen who have strayed from the path. And a further handful of intelligence agencies have operatives sniffing too closely."

"Agent Kaji?"

"Not yet, I believe."

"Good. Let him carry on. His obsession is of use to us. The Reconciliation have my full authority to silence the rest."

"It will be done."

To order a person's death was a curious thing. That you could reach out and kill whomever you so desired could become a dangerously intoxicating idea. The Archbishop trusted to the Lord that he would not slip. In his Holy cause he killed when he had to and no more.

Alas that he often had to kill.

Blood alone will earn His forgiveness. Sacrifice will grant us Eden. And I will make as many sacrifices as need be to free mankind from this miserable purgatory.

'If that will be all' was on the tip of his tongue, until he saw Kihl weakly open and close his mouth, hands fidgeting in his deep pockets.

"Kihl, my son. I sense you have something else to say?"

The old man took a breath. "Yes. With respect, would it not have been wise to place the Lamb and Deliverer together earlier? Rapture approaches, and he must bond with her or else her sacrifice cannot illuminate him. If the Final Consecration fails…"

"A valid question." The Archbishop's hand gently drifted over the blade before the altar. "Matters have moved a little quicker than anticipated. Regardless of how quickly we can move her to Japan, the situation remains imperfect. But have faith, Kihl. This is God's plan and all will go as according to His design. Both Lamb and Deliverer have already been adequately prepared for their roles. Does that put your mind at ease?"

"It shall have to, Excellency."

"Good." The Archbishop let his gaze linger on the glinting blade for a few moments more. "Now, if you will excuse me, I must return to my prayers."

"Of course. Ad Dei Glorium." Kihl and Penance murmured, then bowed their heads and left. Their footsteps echoed until the doors creaked shut. The Archbishop was alone.

He again turned to that great golden cross, that great gleaming symbol of all he held dear, and knelt before it. His knees scuffed against the hard stone, beneath which where buried many bodies of the faithful.

In that respect, in the company of the dead, he was never truly alone.

This was the Viaticum's most sacred site, where the Flesh of God had been found and received. Where the future had been laid open to those who could see.

To be buried here was a high honour indeed.

As he gave thanks to his Lord for that touch of inspiration, the Archbishop thought of those beneath his feet. Of even the skeletons slowly turning to dust and corruption. Regardless of their deeds, or their standing in life, this was the fate of all.

Directly beneath him was a knight, a warrior of the Third Crusade. To his left an acolyte who'd stood at the arrogant Sun King's side in the court of Versailles. And to his right, a humble financier who had managed to protect the Viaticum's wealth in 1929.

All good men he missed so dearly.

Their cruel fates were the price of Adam and Eve's foolishness. That which had cast them and all their heirs out of where mankind truly belonged.

Not for much longer. The homecoming had long been overdue. Eden called to her wayward children.

Soon, he and all mankind would be free of this mortal, flawed, coil.

Soon all would return to the one supreme being from which they all came. And there, embraced in the body of God, there would be no pain, no death, just endless joy.

And he would do whatever it took, spill however much blood was needed, to achieve it.

If evil must be done to shatter this fleeting existence, to lift the veil between us and our Creator, then is it truly evil?
 
Chapter 28: The Butcher prepares
"All men fear judgement, whether it comes in this life or the next." Inscription found in the Sognefjord ruins, circa 2017

XXVIII

The trickling water bit at his ear like a gnat. Grisca usually enjoyed nature, to hear and feel the forces of life itself be pumped like blood, but he wasn't in the right frame of mind. He would not be here were it in his power.

Give offerings before a stone? Grisca sniffed in derision. The battlefield is my grove. And I have made many offerings.

He proved his devotion to the Gods by keeping his skills sharp and striking true.

For the Lords of Hassgard, the almighty Hassir, were bloody Gods indeed.

But tradition demanded and even the Butcher bowed before the old ways.

He knew he was unwelcome here and walked briskly. Much as Grisca had hated visiting the shrines and temples of old, at least then there had been the sound of birdsong in the trees, leaves that whispered and trunks that groaned in the wind.

Not here though. Here there was only the occasional clap of dead thunder in a dead sky.

This must be what Snormaug is like…I can't wait to see Felngard again.

Grisca flashed a smile at the thought of blue sky and fluffy white clouds. As much as it consumed his soul, revenge and the sweet tase of blood were not all that motivated him.

revenge.

His good mood was blown away like those phantom clouds.

Ierfr…

The thought of Ierfr, proud and mighty Ierfr, falling at the hands of such a mewling race like mankind sickened the Butcher to his core. His older brother, the eldest of Aerid Heldrdottir's children, was one of the greatest swordsmen who ever lived.

But he'd something the other children of Eivar Oathbreaker, kinslayer, usurper, did not: honour.

It had hindered the boisterous fool in battle yet kept his conscience clear.

Did that cost him his life?

Grisca approached the ring of stones, the tree they encircled, the bubbling stream that ran past them, and their mutilated hag of a keeper. Grisca knew Grunhild had heard him approach yet she did little to acknowledge him.

He ground his teeth.

At ten paces, the last volva sighed and turned. Grisca felt a little shiver as her eyeless gaze cut through his very soul.

"Welcome, my Prince." She gave a bow of her head, stiffer than usual. "I presume you have come to make the necessary sacrifices?"

"Yes." Grisca said bluntly. "If I may approach the circle?"

"You may." Grunhild went back to her bowls and runes. The Butcher often wondered if those who claimed themselves hearers of the Gods and the Spirits they ruled over could actually see anything in them.

Hah. 'See.'

He suppressed a chuckle and strode over to the circle, bowing his head in reverence to those unmoving stones. Unlike others, Grisca then circled them until he reached one stone in particular. It was cracked and chipped, with a face chiselled into a hard glare. These were the injuries and face of a warrior.

A small ceremonial knife lay at the foot of the tree. Grisca knelt, curled his fingers around it, and frowned.

The only way you'd kill anyone with this is if they wanted you to. Useless.

Most of his kind lifted their voices to other Gods. Waldin was a favourite, as only the Allfather could be; Friyd was prayed to by every mother expecting a child, or farmer about to harvest his crops; Thrum was honoured by every young man who sought to be a hero.

And that snake Hreki kneels at the foot of his namesake. Trickery, deception…the tools of cowards.

Those who knew the truth of this world, that the strength of one's sword arm decided things, prayed to another.

Thrum may be might itself, but Hergrimm is the War God. Every man that calls himself a warrior is his disciple, the men we kill his offerings, and the battlefield his temple.

He drew the blade across his hand.

"Hergrimm battle lord, guardian of the strong, bane of widows, hear my prayer."

Blood pattered like raindrops.

"Upon my name as Grisca Eivarson, I vow to triumph or die. I will present this Evangelium's flayed corpse as my bloody gift to you. And should I fall, raise me again as a vengeful wedangr to haunt these vermin forever."

He stood up with a faint smile at the thought of his "offering", but then it wavered. There was silence.

Impossible. Here the thunder and lightning never stop…

A bad omen?

No. Absurd. But just to be sure…

"Witch, I have a question-" Grisca took one look at her face and felt a chill down his spine. The volva was frowning.

"…silence. Hm." She immediately cast runes into her bowl.

Grisca quickly paced over to her, cursing himself at the same time.

I am Grisca. I am the Butcher. I care nothing for this nonsense.

"Well?" He snapped at her. "What does it mean!?"

"My Prince…" She ran her hand through the bowl. "These things are imprecise. A mystery. An omen in one place can mean something else in another."

Grisca snarled. "That's a long way of saying you don't know, witch. That Heresyd has any patience for you is the real mystery."

He watched her shrink a little at the mention of his strange half-brother. Heresyd was handsome, mighty, and coupled with this broken freak. What's more she knew her unworthiness of him, thus providing a nice chink in the armour to slide a knife in.

You've taught me well, Harotr. Twisted and sick creature that you are.

The thought of his younger brother, of Harotr mind breaker, Harotr the blue, the most terrible of Thrymwald's sons, caused his stomach to quickly squirm.

There are things you don't do to people. Sparing them from his hand is the one mercy I grant mankind...and it is a mercy indeed.

"Make your offerings on the battlefield, then." The volva said. "Perhaps your 'god' might hear your prayers there."

"Hergrimm is battle lord." Grisca growled. "And he favours me in every sword stroke."

An old religious quarrel that had long been gratefully buried, in his view. There had been those who did not think the general of Waldin's armies was truly divine, merely another spirit like those that lived in the streams, stones, and mountains of the world.

But warriors knew different. Hergrimm had shown himself in the crucible of war, breaking the weak and forging the strong.

"True enough, he does seem to cast his favour on you, my Prince." Grunhild said. "But his path is one of darkness, slaughter, and destruction. This is not his place. This is a place of light and life. Something the battle lord and his followers can only take from this world, not put into it-"

At that Grisca seized her by the throat and, with one hand, he lifted her off the ground.

"Oh I put light enough into the world, witch." His lip trembled. "And the humans snuffed them both out, along with the woman who birthed them."

So mighty was Grisca the Butcher that Grunhild couldn't snap back with her usual wit. Instead, she choked in his grip.

Grisca grimaced then relented. As an act of apology he didn't merely let her drop to the floor, setting her down lightly instead.

"I am not my uncle. I am not Hreki. Insult me again and die."

The volva caught her breath for a moment, back straight instead of unbowed. Grisca couldn't help but admire the inner strength of this cripple. Even blind, broken and useless, the last of those who heard the lords of Hassgard whisper bowed before none.

Not even mighty Thrymwald.

A silence held for a moment before Grisca snorted. "I suppose my omen is even worse now?" He shook his head then turned and strode away.

For tradition's sake. I truly care little for it.

"Pour over your bones with those dead eyes. Given that you can't watch me win this war in a single stroke, that might be for the best." He didn't hear her reply or go back to her runes, as he soon stormed back out into the dead forest.

Still, it niggled at him.

What if it does mean something? What if I've just made my situation all the worse?

Grisca grit his teeth.

I need no God's favour save for Hergrimm's. I am Grisca. I will kill until my task is done.

He focused on his hand, flexing his fingers and forcing them to stretch out. He pictured them elongating, merging together, flesh giving way to hot, pure energy. As if his command where heeded, Grisca's forearm transformed into a terrible whip of energy; red lightning crackled around it.

The merest taste of his Ettun form, a power passed only through the Royal line, gave the Butcher a cruel smile.

All who've died by my hand have done so in terrible pain. You will be no different, Evangelium Unit 01.

When was it that he'd developed a thirst for blood? Some believed it a consequence of his difficult upbringing, but Grisca had felt the urge for as long as he could remember.

It is my father's blood. It takes a disease of the soul to wet your blade in the blood of family so…enthusiastically. And illness can be passed from parent to child…

No more than twenty paces away, a twig snapped. His pointed ears twitched, honed by millennia of combat.

The Butcher looked in its direction and tilted his head.

Waendel wouldn't even bother sneaking up on me, and I wouldn't hear Cynerid until it was too late. So who…

Grisca sighed.

Of course.

"You're quick, little brother. But you must quieter if you are to be a hunter."

Gingerly, Vargun slinked out from between the trees. A bow was slung over his shoulder, quiver full of arrows at his belt.

"Cynerid had me do a sweep of the forest. She'd left trails-"

"And one of them happened to bring you here?" Grisca cuffed him round the ears, but not nearly as hard as he could. "Your curiosity will be the death of you, brother."

The younger Erafir chuckled sheepishly. "Maybe."

Grisca rolled his eyes. "Given that you're here, you might as well walk with me." He strode on, beckoning for his youngest brother to follow. Vargun hesitated for a moment, then jogged to catch up.

"Your training goes well?" Grisca asked.

"Yes…I think." Vargun mumbled.

"You think?"

"Well I'm actually hitting the target now, and Cynerid can't hear me from the other side of the forest. Earith is still better than me."

"Come now, it can't be that bad."

"When I loosed my first shaft, I hit Hugi."

Grisca whistled.

Cynerid must have been furious. My sister's always had a temper like a storm, even when it doesn't come to that fucking bird.

His side of the family had always been angrier, hadn't it? For his uncle's brood, Harotr took up the majority of the cruelty, but Bjorn skin changer could turn nasty all too quickly. Still, their wrath didn't really compare with him or Ragnar. That was to be expected of course, as their blood was cursed.

Their father's name, Eivar Kinslayer, was one hated far more than Thrymwald the Conqueror ever could be. Ever synonymous with treachery, Grisca felt all the dirtier by thinking about it.

Monster. What he did to grandfather, to uncle, to…to mother.

Eivar, a usurper who'd slain everyone in his way on his path to the throne, had seen Aerid as a prize, a baby machine to secure the future of his dynasty. Nothing more.

But to Grisca and his full blooded siblings she was their mother. And when Eivar had forced them to choose between him and her, he payed for his folly with his life.

It wasn't enough. He. Took. Her. Eye. Just for speaking against him! We should have done something sooner…anything…

"Is something wrong?" Vargun tilted his head. "You seem sad."

Ah, perceptive like mother.

"It is nothing." Grisca put an end to that line of enquiry, his voice dyed in a tone that said "no more."

Yet his mind still dwelt.

Oh little brother, how could you think yourself cursed? It was not in your power to protect mother, but it was in mine. He frowned. If my death is foretold, then perhaps that is the price the Gods have ordained for my existence. It is fair.

The two walked a little further together through the woods. Grisca observed the teenager without looking at him, a talent only a warrior could possess. Vargun seemed to shy away and try to get closer at the same time.

He fears for me, as he mourns for Ierfr. I miss him too, Vargun.

Suddenly, a cold dread tugged at the Butcher's heart.

If I should fall…what would they think I thought of them?

Even Ragnar, bitter former heir to the throne, had shown more open affection for those that replaced him. Grisca had struggled to do that with his own full blooded siblings, let alone the children of Thrymwald.

What would they think of him?

"…Vargun." He said and stopped abruptly, catching the younger Inheritor by surprise.

"Yes, brother?" Vargun said, curiosity in his tone.

"I…I am a fell creature, Vargun. A hething." Grisca raised his hand to stifle any complaint. "Don't argue. You know my sagas. You know what I've done. You likely know that I enjoyed them."

He then gently placed his hand onto Vargun's shoulder. His youngest brother's sharp eyes almost seemed to pop out of his head at the sight.

"I am a monster, little brother." Grisca smiled a rare, sad, smile. "But I do love you. You, uncle, the entire band of oafs I share blood with."

"I am no fool, Grisca." Vargun returned the smile. "I know you care. We all do."

He hasn't objected to my calling myself a monster. Grisca noted.

It was then, so lost in this rare moment, that the two realised they'd reached the outskirts of the forest. Grisca's road led back to the Royal Hall and final preparations, whilst Vargun needed to turn back to the forest, lest he wanted to face Cynerid's wrath.

Here they had to part.

"Goodbye, Vargun." Grisca squeezed Vargun's shoulder. "If things go badly, I'll send Ierfr your regards."

Vargun forced a smile. "You can both knock back a few for me in Slagnhal."

Grisca laughed at that, genuinely. "I'll be sure to keep the bench warm for whenever you join me. Ensure you have plenty of stories as I'll be long bored of Ierfr's boasting by then."

Vargun laughed with him.

"Now. Off with you before my sister catches you." Grisca nodded in the direction of the forest. The teenager gave a last warm smile before doing as bid.

The Butcher watched Vargun go with a faint smile. It was true he was closer to his full blooded siblings than those of Thrymwald, but they all ultimately came from the same mother. In Vargun's eyes he saw the intelligence, patience and warmth of Aerid.

Ah mother. Even after all I've done you still loved me. His shoulders sagged. I am evil. Why was I not struck down that day on the ice? Did the Allfather need your counsel so desperately?

Grisca thought back to that day of hammering snow and human thunder weapons. Of his mother's lifeless corpse in slowly blued snow, the shrieking of the gale only interrupted by the wails of an infant Vargun.

His fist clenched.

He'd killed many humans that day. The gore of man had turned even the ice itself that strange crimson. Although it was but the beginning, it had been a beautiful sight.

The screams of battle, his ecstasy, gently lapped at his mind like a calm sea. The joy of war called.

Mankind would regret the day they'd wronged the children of Waldin, the Inheritors of all the Gods had left behind. And it would be by Sgeiran hand, that of the greatest kingdom of them all, the endless dominion of Thrymwald the Conqueror, that retribution would be delivered.

He would not die. He would triumph. And when the Felngard was their's again, he would forge a bond anew with his family.

A hideous grin spread across his features. There'd be room enough for killing, but what he'd do to this "Eva" and the City it protected would become legend.

Prepare yourself, "Nerv." Grisca the Butcher comes for you. Your skin shall be the parchment of my new saga; your blood my ink; your screams my verse.


Author's note:

So you might have noticed some new words/word changes from the more "Norse" sounding words that have been used previously. That's because those were sort of placeholders till I came up with something a smidgen better. For example, "Midgard", our world, is now "Felngard." Feln means field in their language.

Valhalla has been replaced with Slagnhal, "Hall of the slain."

Snormaug is new and is the Erafir version of Nastrond/Hell

Wedangr, "one who rages", is their equivalent of a draugr, the restless dead too angry to truly pass on.

Hassir are their "Aesir", and Hassgard is their realm.

Ettun is their version of a Jotun/Giant

Hething means villain

Anywho, it has actually been five sodding months hasn't it? God give me strength, I'm useless. See you next time, hopefully a little sooner.

Oh, and Happy Easter you ludicrously patient buggers. I don't deserve you.
 
Chapter 29: On the bus
"There's nothing I love more than a fool. They can tell the greatest lie in the world but their faces can't hide their guilt." Major General Taira of the Kenpeitai, overseer of Nakisawame, 2015

XXIX

Shinji rubbed his tired eyes as he stepped outside the apartment block. Humidity wrapped around him like an unwanted cloak, as the mirage effect wafted off the concrete and tarmac under the morning sun's glare.

The sky was blue, the sun's rays a glorious golden orange, and he felt miserable.

Shinji adjusted the strap on his bag as he walked a little way to the nearby bus stop. Normally he'd have had a quick conversation with Misato that cheered him up, but she'd had to head off a few hours before him today.

"Early call in. See you this afternoon. Help yourself to whatever's in the fridge. X" The note left on the kitchen mantelpiece had said.

Thoughts of his beautiful house mate soon intermingled with her uncharacteristic whimpers from the previous night.

Shinji frowned as he reached the bus stop, surprised at how much it bothered him.

There must be something I can do. I don't care about the reasons, she's been kind.

The high pitched whine of a bus's M-Engine came closer. Shinji sighed.

Nothing I can do. I'd just make a mess of it anyway. Besides, she's got that bird to keep an eye on her. At that he gently laughed.

The bus coasted to a stop and he got onboard. He asked for a ticket to Sengokuhara High, at which the glum driver numbly mumbled a price which Shinji paid. The engine hummed back into life and the bus jolted forward as Shinji made his way to its rear. Roughly a quarter of the seats were already filled, mostly by students in the same navy blue uniform as him, but there was a salaryman or two, head buried in the Nikkei or catching a quick nap.

Public transport was never quiet, but it was quieter in the morning, hence why he could find a nice seat.

Shinji plopped himself down at the very back of the bus, hidden away in his own little corner. But as he leaned back, his stomach shot into his shoes.

He gasped and doubled over, wondering if he was sick, only for the pain to depart as soon as it had come. Panting, Shinji straightened and caught the strange looks some passengers shot at him. He shied away, but massaged his stomach all the same.

What the…did I sit down too hard…No. That felt like something just yanked me…The hair on the back of his neck stood up.

Indeed, it were as if razor sharp talon had just cut into his gut and dragged it in a southwards direction.

southwwards? Was there something in my cereal this morning?

Shinji shook his head.

My stupid brain playing tricks on me.

The bus gently glided its way into the centre of Nakisawame, where whatever empty seats remained would soon be filled up. He put his bag on the seat next to him as always, a desperate attempt to keep that quiet corner to himself and his thoughts.

For what good it does.

In contrast to him, a fair few students sat next to each other. As friends both inside and outside school, they talked and laughed. He imagined them meeting up to do whatever normal children and their friends did.

The closest Shinji had to that was Misato and Pen-pen drunkenly watching television. And that was new enough for him.

One day, that woman is going to vomit up what's left of her liver. Good grief…

None of the other students on the bus said hello. Most of them probably recognised him now. They saw him as the silent loner type, some even jokingly calling him "school shooter."

That suited him to an extent. As nice as it would have been to make friends, Shinji knew he wouldn't be there long enough to enjoy them anyway.

At one stop, a boy and a girl came aboard. Perhaps two years older than him, they sat together just a few rows ahead. The girl, pretty, her hair long and brown, rested her head on the boy's shoulder and they talked quietly to each other. A hollow longing tugged at Shinji's heart and he forced himself to look away.

I…I wish…He looked up at the sky to distract himself. Against that blue eternity, a flock of birds silently swooped overhead, unperturbed by the vast FCVs that hovered high above them.

Yet it was not enough.

What must it be like to be in love?

He snatched a quick glimpse of the couple just in front of him.

It must be nice.

The two of them kissed. Shinji forced down a growl and turned away.

Don't live vicariously through the normals for fuck's sake. You're enough of a weirdo as it is.

Hideyoshi square, a beating heart of Nakisawame, passed into view. Progress had slowed to a crawl thanks to early morning traffic. The recent exodus had done pitifully little to thin the ranks. Thousands upon thousands of people were crushed together in a chaos thicker than any mob he'd ever seen in Kure or even Camp Atami.

Shinji observed it all with a frown.

He was meant to be fighting for this, a place he didn't know, and filled with people he knew even less. People who might as well have come from a different world.

What am I fighting for?

An ant swarm of everyone from all walks of life, from school children to salarymen, bustled past. There were so many that it seemed as if the world would split apart under their weight.

Those he'd asked had told him that any pre-Eruption city was much the same. They were an unending hubbub too, illuminated by huge screens and their colourful consumerism.

But it was a lie to say they were exactly the same.

Shinji looked up to see the massed artillery and AA batteries dug into the city's larger hills, lords of ordinance sitting atop their concrete thrones.

Nakisawame was a fortress, regardless of Seraphim. Intermittent stairs could be made out between the crowd, ones that lead to the city's vast concrete and steel shelters. Kure had them as well, and more than one drill had put him down there.

All it would take was that haunting siren and people would bolt for those possible coffins. It had been bad enough back home but in Nakisawame, with a population far greater, Shinji wondered how often people got crushed to death.

The bus stopped and the flood gates opened. This time there were a few genuine commuters among the mass of teenagers. He was about to pay it no mind and reluctantly prepared to move his bag, until a pair of brown eyes fixed on him.

A cold tingle ran up Shinji's spine.

Toji's piercing, undoubtedly hostile, gaze fixed on him, like a silverback gorilla sizing up a threat to be crushed. The other boy, Kensuke, stood at his side and shot curious, worried glances at both Shinji and Toji.

Don't sit here. Please don't sit here.

For once his prayers were answered. Toji didn't take a seat. He didn't even look at him too long. He gripped one of the rails and stayed far away from him.

Shinji sighed with some relief and relaxed. The pin had been kept in the grenade for the moment.

Besides, he might suspect but he can't prove it. And in a few weeks it won't matter if he does.

As the bus rolled away on the last stretch of his journey, Shinji tried to melt into his seat as much as the fabric would allow. He heard a commotion at one spot and looked up to see two brown shirted Kenpei board. They paced up and down, and barked for identification.

Oh shit.

Like a laser guided missile, Shinji's hand shot to his Nerv Card, the one thing that kept the military police at arm's length. A lifetime in Kure and random ID checks had taught him the methodology of quickly procuring a card, and it was the same for a fair few there. With practised calm the older commuters reached into their bags and coat pockets, unafraid of the Marhsal's hounds.

The rest meanwhile, aside from a few wise teenagers, flailed in a panic. Shinji wasn't sure why. Youngsters never usually got it that hard from the Kenpeitai, perhaps a slap on the wrist at most. He himself had just been unlucky that one time, where his own daydreaming had brought him firmly under the fury of the military police, and an inexperienced Kenpei at that.

It was not the norm.

It's not like a Shisengumi death squad just came aboard.

He felt any tension float away upon realising one of the Kenpei was an older man with a calm expression.

Ex-policeman. Might even have his notebook on him.

The two brown shirted men roughly filtered through the crowd aboard the bus. Some of the students made a noise or two of annoyance, at which Shinji winced. The younger Kenpei's lip quivered.

Don't provoke him. For heaven's sake, don't give him an excuse.

"Hey, what's the idea?" The girl next to her boyfriend a few rows down snapped, and got smacked in the face for her trouble. Her boyfriend tried to speak up, to stand up, only to get a similar treatment

Shinji hid how flabbergasted he was. Are they rich or something? Old nobility? You don't talk back to Kenpei unless you're the Emperor himself. The routine checks must not be as routine here.

Soon enough his turn came and he held out his card. The younger Kenpei all but flinched. Shinji couldn't help but enjoy the slight power he held over the situation.

"Is there a problem, officer?" He quietly asked.

The younger Kenpei shot a glare, whilst the elder nodded. "There's been a terror attack in Koriyama. Insurgents may be in this city."

"A terrorist attack? I hadn't heard about that."

"There'll be an official press release this afternoon." The Kenpei said dismissively. "Enjoy your day, citizen."

The two brown shirts finished their sweep then left as quickly as they'd come. The bus calmly glided on and everyone settled down again, but the news troubled Shinji.

Koriyama? That close?

Two hundred miles away, Koriyama was one of Japan's greatest cities. Much like the other hubs of Motoyama, Hita, Moriyoka, Asahikawa and so forth, she'd grown from a town to a city via influx of refugees and distance from the ravaging floods.

Now, with a population well over a million, an attack in Koriyama was all but the same as one in Kure.

Shinji already had a good idea as to who was responsible.

Fucking Enenra. Who else could it be?

It was a prudent question. Colonial troubles were contained overseas, and insurgents, be they Australian, Indonesian, Chinese, or Philippine, were far more interested in killing Japanese soldiers on patrol. Only the Communists, those who refused to accept the judgement of the Battle of Nara those sixteen long years before, fought on.

Whenever another one of their compounds was found and crushed, people would think "that's it this time!"

They were always wrong.

Those traitors do go quiet for a few years at a time though. Shinji found a twinge of white hot anger worming its way through him. Nara, the War, bastards will never get the message. We don't want them.

The anger turned into a tingle of discomfort. Shinji knew he was being watched and instinctively knew who was watching. Toji eyed him up like a meal now.

My card. Shit.

Shinji didn't meet his gaze and dropped his own. He pictured Toji as his teacher or a Kenpei. No eye contact meant no challenge, and no challenge meant no excuse. Hopefully it didn't worsen Toji's suspicions, although Shinji did ponder how it could be worse.

Toji knew he was part of the organisation that nearly crushed his little sister to death, an important part at that, and Shinji couldn't have hid his guilt any worse.

All he needs is to see me piloting Unit 01 itself, and that's a fucking possibility at this rate. Shinji watched the school slowly come into view with a heavy heart. Come on. It's a couple more weeks. You can at least keep your head down for today.

The bus coasted to a stop and Shinji carefully slung his bag over his shoulder. Pretending to fill in a last bit of phantom homework, he let everyone else file off before him. He planned to take a less obvious route, preferably round the back through the sports field. Once he was in the classroom, all would be well.

Decided, he got off the bus and put on as normal a face he could. But almost immediately he realised it was futile.

Toji and the bespectacled boy stood at the entrance, waiting for him.

Shinji's poker face evaporated, his legs turned to solid rock, and the blood drained from his cheeks.


Author's note

Now I'm no mathematical savant, but I do believe five days is a touch shorter than five months. Don't quote me on that though!
 
Chapter 30: Forced confession
"It's often been said that a lie can travel halfway across the world before the truth has had time to put its boots on. A wise saying, to be sure, but compared to a rumour, or suspicion with a grain of truth? Now that can get to the moon and back before lie or truth know what's happening." Gendo Ikari.

XXX

Toji's huge arms were folded and tensed, his eyes narrowed into slits. Kensuke would shoot semi-hostile glances as well, although he swayed and fidgeted incessantly.

They've blocked the main entrance. Shit.

Shinji cursed that these two were smarter than most Kenpei he'd avoided, but gulped and walked forward all the same, putting on his best smile.

"G-good morning." He said, as his blood drained from his cheeks, only now understanding just how massive Toji Suzuhara was.

I've seen Marine Sergeants skinnier than him.

Shinji gave a polite bow and tried to walk on through the gates. Toji stepped in front of him.

"Start talking, newbie." He said, his voice devoid of the easy warmth from yesterday.

Well now what?

"W-w-what do you mean?" Shinji lied, his eyes looking around for anyone else; save for a handful that milled at the edge, the courtyard was silent.

"Don't get smart with me." Toji slowly reached out and grabbed the collar of Shinji's uniform. There was no mad snap, only dreadful certainty. "Or I'll kill you."

Sweat trickled down the back of Shinji's neck. "I-I really don't-"

Toji slammed his fist into Shinji's stomach and drove the wind out of him. Shinji doubled over, only get steady by Toji's iron grip.

"Let's try this again." Toji leaned so close that Shinji could smell his hot breath. "Start. Talking."

"Easy, Toji…" Kensuke stepped a little closer.

"Stay out of this, Ken." Toji snarled. "This is between me and him."

Shinji's mouth turned dryer than the Australian desert. "What do you want to talk about?"

"You work for Nerv." Toji said. "Don't deny it. After Saito chewed you out, and that card you waved around earlier, you can't hide it. And I don't know how, or why, but you had something to do with what happened to Sakura..." His voice broke for a moment.

"W-what?" Shinji's heart hammered as he tried to weasel his way out of this one. "I don't understand-"

Toji hit him again.

"Don't. Lie. To. Me." Toji's tone had turned acidic. "What did you do?"

Shinji swallowed. "I can't-"

Toji hit him again.

"What did you do?"

"It's classified!" Shinji wheezed.

Toji's fist buried itself into his stomach and drove up into his diaphragm. Bile bit at the back of Shinji's throat.

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"I…I'm the pilot of Unit 01!" The words tumbled out. Due to guilt or pain, he didn't know, but Shinji knew then he may have made the last mistake of his life.

Silence hung in the air.

Kensuke nervously laugh.

"Yeah, and I'm the Tsar of Russia. Don't bullshit us, Ikari-san."

Toji didn't laugh. His lip quivered and his gaze narrowed further.

I'm going to die.

Toji's grip slackened on Shinji's collar then clamped around his throat. The next blow lifted him off the ground.

Shinji gasped.

Toji didn't let go. He dragged Shinji that bit closer and cracked his fist into the smaller boy's jaw. Then again, and again, and again. Kensuke's concern quickly turned to panic as he reached for his friend.

But Toji's gaze had become glazed over. He wasn't there anymore.

Shinji knew the look. It was shared by men who threw themselves at others, shattered bottle in hand, even in the presence of Kenpeitai. It was that empty void totally surmounted by an animalistic urge.

Toji was going to do him harm, and he didn't care about the consequences.

Shinji did nothing to stop it.

I deserve it. I always deserve it.

Memory of this boy on the verge of tears over his sister, a story of a little girl crippled by his own incompetence, tugged at his mind and heart.

And she was the lucky one. I killed three hundred people. My fault. My stupid fault.

Shinji's vision became blurrier, his mind hazy. Hot liquid that tasted of iron gushed from ruined gums and split lips.

So this it, huh? See you soon, mother.

"Toji, enough." Kensuke had put a hand on Toji's shoulder.

The blows continued to fall.

"He's had enough! Toji!" Kensuke tried to grab his friend's arm, but Toji hammered away regardless.

Warm, hot, liquid streamed from Shinji's nose and mouth as he tasted a metallic taste he knew all too well.

His ears twitched at other, dull noises from a little way off. Shouts and shoes scraped against gravel with a few feminine screams mixed in.

"Suzuhara-san! Stop!"

The beating abruptly stopped and Shinji crashed to the floor. His world swam in that familiar manner, so he let himself vomit and stayed on the gravel until it passed. The sounds of a struggle became clearer with each passing second.

The dizziness passed and Shinji blearily looked up. Crimson gushed from mouth and nose which he gingerly wiped with his hand.

Toji had been dragged off him by two teachers, Kensuke, and someone else. Upon further thought, to his surprise, Shinji recognised him as the class bully. The adults shouted and strained, their expressions mixtures of horror and surprise. A pair of girls, old enough to be in their last year, stood by the main doors with hands clasped over their mouths.

Toji still had that absent, feral, look in his eyes.

It wouldn't have mattered if a Kenpei had drawn his pistol and screamed at him to stop. Toji would have carried on up to and beyond Shinji's skull caving in.

Just someone else who hates me. What's one more to the fucking list?

Strong arms lifted him to his feet and he was gently brought inside. The corridors fuzzily flew by, some students gasping as they saw him. Shinji let his head hang limply as he put one foot in front of another, not forcing his mind to clear. It would sort that out on its own.

He was hauled into on office, which he recognised as their history teacher Mr Sisata's. Set down on a nice chair, some of Shinji's blood dribbled on it for which he apologised, but Sisata dismissed it. Not a minute later the school nurse hurried in and half shrieked at his injuries. She furiously wiped over his cuts with anti-sceptic sheets and applied ice packs to his bruises, but he weirdly didn't feel so awful. Just as it was with that barrage of fists at the hands of the Kenpeitai, or the routine wrath of his deceased teacher, it felt like a dull throbbing.

In some ways I was lucky. I didn't hit the back of my head this time.

"Does he need hospital?" Sisata said.

"I…" The nurse frowned, half appalled, half baffled. "I don't know. Ikari-san, how are you feeling?"

Shinji forced a smile. It wouldn't do to worry anyone.

"I've had worse." He lied. Toji had outdone teacher by quite a bit.

"You've had…" She shook her head, as if surprised to hear him talk at all. "Can you move?"

"He's walked a good chunk of the way here." Sisata said.

She continued to dress his wounds.

"What happened?" Sisata cut to the heart of it.

Shinji paused for a moment, then forced words out through a strangely slow moving jaw. "Had a falling out with Suzuhara-san, sir."

Sisata's grey eyebrows microscopically drew together as his hawkish face became all the more hawkish. He walked over to his desk and picked up his phone.

"I'll have to call your guardian. I think you can have the rest of the day off, Ikari-san." He said.

"You don't have to-" Shinji tried to say. This was the last thing someone as busy as Misato needed to deal with.

Sisata tilted his head. "Ikari-san, you've essentially been assaulted. If you want to press charges, Suzuhara-san would get a criminal record and he'd frankly deserve it. This is something I very much have to do."

"Assault is putting it lightly." The nurse growled, mopping up blood from Shinji's nose. "Clotting nicely thank the Gods…I don't think there's any immediate danger, but I'd get him checked out by a doctor just to be sure."

"His guardian ought to be able to deal with that." Sisata said as he dialled the number.

Off to the Nerv Medical ward again? Shinji almost laughed. Fuck, I'm almost becoming a regular there.

After the nurse had looked him over as thoroughly as she could, cleared away as much blood as possible, and given him an ice pack, she packed up her things and left. Shinji didn't know how long he sat there, holding the ice to his throbbing jaw. He heard Mr Sisata make some calls, one to whomever was dealing with Toji, and the other to his put upon guardian, but didn't pay them much mind. Instead, he sank deep into thought.

Toji and Kensuke knew. And he wasn't so naive as to think that bit of information would stay with them. It would be hushed up as best it could be, but rumour would spread like wildfire. Many would scoff at it but some would believe. Shinji's brief stint here had become much harder.

Why oh why can I not keep out of trouble?

A knock on the door brought him back to reality. The clock ticked by 9:45.

I've been here for more than half an hour? Time flies when I'm off in my own little world.

"Come." Sisata said.

The door opened and Misato walked in, dressed in her usual attire, although today she had her red Nerv jacket and beret on. No doubt that skin tight black cocktail dress drew the looks of half the boys in school. In any other situation, Shinji might have laughed.

Her eyes glinted with horror upon seeing him, but Misato betrayed nothing else. "What the hell happened?"

"Ikari-san was assaulted by another student. Neither will say why." Sisata explained.

Misato fixed Shinji with a frown, surprisingly lacking in judgement or disappointment, as if he weren't at fault but she remained curious as to what happened.

It was my fault, Katsuragi-san. Mine and mine alone.

"Thank you, Sisata-san." She said after a moment's pause. "I'm guessing the responsible party will be punished?"

"Suzuhara-san has been called to the Head Master's office. He'll be caned severely. He's lucky Ikari-san doesn't want to press charges…" Sisata sighed. "I can scarcely believe it. Suzuhara-san is a good, polite student. I've never known him to act out like this."

Misato's frown became a touch more suspicious. Shinji knew she'd already guessed he and Toji had spoken about something and it had turned nasty.

She's clever like that.

"I'll take it from here." She said. "You'd better get back to work."

"Thank you, Katsuragi-san." Sisata gave a bow of the head, which Misato returned, then left the office. In a second, Misato's frown softened and she walked over to Shinji. He didn't lift his gaze, wondering just how bad he actually looked.

"Come on." Her tone was gentle. "We'll get that looked at."


Now, I don't want to raise hopes too high, but I think I'm getting a bit better at this update schedule business!
 
Chapter 31: Check up
"If you get it in the right place, I promise you that human bone will snap as easily as a twig. We're strange like that. Some survive being hit by a train, whilst others drop dead from a tap to the back of the head." Ministry of the Interior Agent [Redacted], head of [Redacted] branch training.

XXXI

Misato paced up and down with her arms tightly folded. She'd seen him walk talk without difficulty but wasn't that often the case with the gravely injured? She'd heard stories of men who'd taken a fatal bit of shrapnel back during the War's most harrowing days. They'd hobble around for a while then abruptly keel over.

Don't be so stupid! He hasn't been hurt that badly…

"Could you sit down, please?" Ritsuko leisurely puffed her cigarette. "You're making me nervous."

Misato paused, sighed, then forced herself to scrape out a steel chair and sit at the table.

The clock ticked toward midday and the cafeteria was close to its busiest. Nurses, doctors, technicians, and even a security guard, sat or filed into it to make their orders. Some of the medical staff cast curious looks at her agitated stalking, but the rest were either too tired, or knew her too well, to care.

"If the injury was anything serious then Tenka would have called by now." Ritsuko stubbed out her cigarette on the table's ash tray.

"I know, Rits. But…he took some nasty knocks."

"Good." Ritsuko's green eyes narrowed into slits. "Maybe that'll make him think before hitting someone next time."

Misato had to bite back an angry snap. "He was lucky to still have his teeth, Rits. I could only just recognise him."

"…oh…" Ritsuko's hostility fell away to be momentarily replaced by a hint of guilt. The cold scientist soon smoothed it away to the point that Misato wondered if it had ever been.

"Well you said he could talk and walk just fine. If he had any serious cranial injuries, then we'd have seen the signs of it by now." She said.

Misato's hand subconsciously moved to her cross and fiddled with it.

"I suppose so…" She murmured.

Her phone suddenly rang. Jumping, Misato quickly asserted control, snapped it open, and held it to her ear.

"Katsuragi speaking." She said.

"Director." Came Tenka's gruff voice. "My assessment is complete. He's fine. Disorientation is already passing. No harm done."

Misato breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm on my way then."

"If I may, Director. He's still taken some knocks. Perhaps he should stay for a few hours and hot coco?"

"Afraid not." Misato almost winced in disgust at herself. "CEO's orders. He wants him in the simulations as soon as possible."

There was an exasperated sigh on the other end. "Very well. Come and get him then. I'll have to try and knock the meaning of 'convalescent' into Mr Ikari at some point. It's a miracle I've got Ayanami-san to rest this much."

Misato tried to explain that this wasn't her idea, but Tenka cut the connection. She closed her phone then put it away.

"Well, what does Tenka-sensei say?" Ritsuko said.

"Shinji-kun's fine."

"There. See? What did I tell you."

Misato had to stifle a chuckle as she pushed the chair out and stood up. "You being optimistic? The world must really be ending."

Ritsuko shrugged. "A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist, Misato. Doesn't mean I automatically rule out positive outcomes. I just know they don't usually happen."

"Well go and do something positive after break's over. Bye, Rits."

"Bye."

The route from the cafeteria to the medical ward was a quick one, taking her no more than two minutes. As Misato walked, she thought back to her very brief phone call to the CEO. He of course already knew what had happened, but the boss still wanted to hear her personal assessment. Upon ascertaining his son wasn't too bruised, he denied her request for Shinji to have the day off.

"We are at war, Director. I need our assets at as high a readiness as possible. And sims do not require much moving around." The call had then cut immediately.

He cares in his own way. Just because he's a shit father doesn't mean he doesn't care. But the way he acts…it's as if he doesn't want to or just doesn't know how to be affectionate. Like my old man…

Arriving at the medical ward, she announced herself to the receptionist who then called for Tenka. Thirty seconds later the burly man came, greying moustache bristlier than usual with a frown that pronounced the lines in his forehead.

"Tenka-sensei." She nodded.

"Hmph." He beckoned for her to follow him. "This goes against my protestations. I want that made clear."

"Against mine too." She offered a little helplessly.

"Gods know how that bastard would treat personnel if I wasn't here…" Tenka shook his head and sighed as they came by a room marked "303."

"Had him seen too in there." He half muttered. At that point Misato realised he wasn't just in a bad temper, but that he was puzzled.

Tenka looked like he wanted to say something, thought better of it, and pushed the door open.

Shinji sat on the bed, his feet on the floor, dressed and upright. The black and blue bruises already looked a bit less vicious, but Misato dismissed that as her mind playing games.

No one recovers that quickly.

Shinji watched them come in with that same, sad, distance he always had.

"Katsuragi-san's here to take you to simulation training. You're discharged." Tenka said.

Shinji nodded numbly then walked over to the two of them.

"Are you alright? Seriously." Misato said.

"…yes…" He murmured and walked past, already on his way to the lifts.

Misato followed him halfway down the corridor before Tenka spoke up.

"Director. If I could have a moment of your time?"

Eh? I thought this had all been sorted…

She turned to Shinji and forced a smile. "Look, you get off to training. I'll be along in a bit. Tell Smith-san that as well."

"Sure." He gave a nod that lacked its usual lethargy, then briskly walked off.

Makes an effort for something like that but not for his training…maybe it's because he genuinely likes me?

Tenka waited for her with his back leaning against the wall and arms folded. His frown remained.

"You've got a moment." Misato said, eager to press the point.

"He shouldn't have taken it that well…" Tenka muttered.

"Shinji's a quiet one. If he's upset about it, he wouldn't say…"

"No. I mean that…" He looked around to make sure he wasn't being listened to and lowered his voice. "He took blunt force trauma. A lot of it. He should be missing teeth and have an out of place shattered jaw at least. It would have been a miracle if his skull didn't crack and yet…" Tenka chuckled in disbelief.

"He's got swelling and bruises. Nothing else. Any disorientation just seems to be him lost in thought."

"…you're certain?" It was Misato's turn to frown.

"Yes. We've even run scans and they've picked up nothing. No fractures or breaks. It's as if his bones haven't been touched at all." Tenka shook his head. "I've passed it on to the CEO, of course. He'll probably ask for more checks, but I've already done them."

Misato's curiosity was certainly piqued.

The Hell? I know some people are tough but this is something else…

"Did you find any old injuries?" Misato's mind had suddenly drifted back to her ward and how he'd flinched whenever she'd got too mockingly physical. It had been as if…he was afraid.

"No. None at all. Either they've long healed up, or they were never injured enough to heal in the first place. Why do you ask?" Tenka said.

"Nothing."

No, not nothing. If he was abused as a child then the injury would have healed by now…

Her brain became all the more contorted from that as it tried to make sense of things. Shinji, quiet, sickly looking, fearful, Shinji, had taken punishment that would have put any boy his age in serious condition.

Punishment which he'd shrugged off.

There was nothing normal about that.

What on Earth has been 'normal' in his life?

"Questions for another day, Tenka-sensei. Keep an eye on him. I'll see you later." She turned and strode after Shinji.


Author's note.

Well, this is the most routine update schedule I've had in years. It's somewhat nice in all honesty!
 
The mysteries deepen
"If you get it in the right place, I promise you that human bone will snap as easily as a twig. We're strange like that. Some survive being hit by a train, whilst others drop dead from a tap to the back of the head." Ministry of the Interior Agent [Redacted], head of [Redacted] branch training.

XXXI

Misato paced up and down with her arms tightly folded. She'd seen him walk talk without difficulty but wasn't that often the case with the gravely injured? She'd heard stories of men who'd taken a fatal bit of shrapnel back during the War's most harrowing days. They'd hobble around for a while then abruptly keel over.

Don't be so stupid! He hasn't been hurt that badly…

"Could you sit down, please?" Ritsuko leisurely puffed her cigarette. "You're making me nervous."

Misato paused, sighed, then forced herself to scrape out a steel chair and sit at the table.

The clock ticked toward midday and the cafeteria was close to its busiest. Nurses, doctors, technicians, and even a security guard, sat or filed into it to make their orders. Some of the medical staff cast curious looks at her agitated stalking, but the rest were either too tired, or knew her too well, to care.

"If the injury was anything serious then Tenka would have called by now." Ritsuko stubbed out her cigarette on the table's ash tray.

"I know, Rits. But…he took some nasty knocks."

"Good." Ritsuko's green eyes narrowed into slits. "Maybe that'll make him think before hitting someone next time."

Misato had to bite back an angry snap. "He was lucky to still have his teeth, Rits. I could only just recognise him."

"…oh…" Ritsuko's hostility fell away to be momentarily replaced by a hint of guilt. The cold scientist soon smoothed it away to the point that Misato wondered if it had ever been.

"Well you said he could talk and walk just fine. If he had any serious cranial injuries, then we'd have seen the signs of it by now." She said.

Misato's hand subconsciously moved to her cross and fiddled with it.

"I suppose so…" She murmured.

Her phone suddenly rang. Jumping, Misato quickly asserted control, snapped it open, and held it to her ear.

"Katsuragi speaking." She said.

"Director." Came Tenka's gruff voice. "My assessment is complete. He's fine. Disorientation is already passing. No harm done."

Misato breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm on my way then."

"If I may, Director. He's still taken some knocks. Perhaps he should stay for a few hours and hot coco?"

"Afraid not." Misato almost winced in disgust at herself. "CEO's orders. He wants him in the simulations as soon as possible."

There was an exasperated sigh on the other end. "Very well. Come and get him then. I'll have to try and knock the meaning of 'convalescent' into Mr Ikari at some point. It's a miracle I've got Ayanami-san to rest this much."

Misato tried to explain that this wasn't her idea, but Tenka cut the connection. She closed her phone then put it away.

"Well, what does Tenka-sensei say?" Ritsuko said.

"Shinji-kun's fine."

"There. See? What did I tell you."

Misato had to stifle a chuckle as she pushed the chair out and stood up. "You being optimistic? The world must really be ending."

Ritsuko shrugged. "A pessimist is what an optimist calls a realist, Misato. Doesn't mean I automatically rule out positive outcomes. I just know they don't usually happen."

"Well go and do something positive after break's over. Bye, Rits."

"Bye."

The route from the cafeteria to the medical ward was a quick one, taking her no more than two minutes. As Misato walked, she thought back to her very brief phone call to the CEO. He of course already knew what had happened, but the boss still wanted to hear her personal assessment. Upon ascertaining his son wasn't too bruised, he denied her request for Shinji to have the day off.

"We are at war, Director. I need our assets at as high a readiness as possible. And sims do not require much moving around." The call had then cut immediately.

He cares in his own way. Just because he's a shit father doesn't mean he doesn't care. But the way he acts…it's as if he doesn't want to or just doesn't know how to be affectionate. Like my old man…

Arriving at the medical ward, she announced herself to the receptionist who then called for Tenka. Thirty seconds later the burly man came, greying moustache bristlier than usual with a frown that pronounced the lines in his forehead.

"Tenka-sensei." She nodded.

"Hmph." He beckoned for her to follow him. "This goes against my protestations. I want that made clear."

"Against mine too." She offered a little helplessly.

"Gods know how that bastard would treat personnel if I wasn't here…" Tenka shook his head and sighed as they came by a room marked "303."

"Had him seen too in there." He half muttered. At that point Misato realised he wasn't just in a bad temper, but that he was puzzled.

Tenka looked like he wanted to say something, thought better of it, and pushed the door open.

Shinji sat on the bed, his feet on the floor, dressed and upright. The black and blue bruises already looked a bit less vicious, but Misato dismissed that as her mind playing games.

No one recovers that quickly.

Shinji watched them come in with that same, sad, distance he always had.

"Katsuragi-san's here to take you to simulation training. You're discharged." Tenka said.

Shinji nodded numbly then walked over to the two of them.

"Are you alright? Seriously." Misato said.

"…yes…" He murmured and walked past, already on his way to the lifts.

Misato followed him halfway down the corridor before Tenka spoke up.

"Director. If I could have a moment of your time?"

Eh? I thought this had all been sorted…

She turned to Shinji and forced a smile. "Look, you get off to training. I'll be along in a bit. Tell Smith-san that as well."

"Sure." He gave a nod that lacked its usual lethargy, then briskly walked off.

Makes an effort for something like that but not for his training…maybe it's because he genuinely likes me?

Tenka waited for her with his back leaning against the wall and arms folded. His frown remained.

"You've got a moment." Misato said, eager to press the point.

"He shouldn't have taken it that well…" Tenka muttered.

"Shinji's a quiet one. If he's upset about it, he wouldn't say…"

"No. I mean that…" He looked around to make sure he wasn't being listened to and lowered his voice. "He took blunt force trauma. A lot of it. He should be missing teeth and have an out of place shattered jaw at least. It would have been a miracle if his skull didn't crack and yet…" Tenka chuckled in disbelief.

"He's got swelling and bruises. Nothing else. Any disorientation just seems to be him lost in thought."

"…you're certain?" It was Misato's turn to frown.

"Yes. We've even run scans and they've picked up nothing. No fractures or breaks. It's as if his bones haven't been touched at all." Tenka shook his head. "I've passed it on to the CEO, of course. He'll probably ask for more checks, but I've already done them."

Misato's curiosity was certainly piqued.

The Hell? I know some people are tough but this is something else…

"Did you find any old injuries?" Misato's mind had suddenly drifted back to her ward and how he'd flinched whenever she'd got too mockingly physical. It had been as if…he was afraid.

"No. None at all. Either they've long healed up, or they were never injured enough to heal in the first place. Why do you ask?" Tenka said.

"Nothing."

No, not nothing. If he was abused as a child then the injury would have healed by now…

Her brain became all the more contorted from that as it tried to make sense of things. Shinji, quiet, sickly looking, fearful, Shinji, had taken punishment that would have put any boy his age in serious condition.

Punishment which he'd shrugged off.

There was nothing normal about that.

What on Earth has been 'normal' in his life?

"Questions for another day, Tenka-sensei. Keep an eye on him. I'll see you later." She turned and strode after Shinji.


Author's note.

Well, this is the most routine update schedule I've had in years. It's somewhat nice in all honesty!
 
... did you quote whole chapter?

That seems useless if you meant specific sentence in here, for example, suspicious fast and perfect healing.
 
Chapter 32: Claws at the spine
"First thing you need to know about HMAC training: make it up as you go. This is entirely new tech, kiddies, and I don't have very much to tell you about it." HMAC instructor during the Columbian War of Independence.

XXXII

The blows fell, one after the other. Shinji felt his face chip and crack like concrete beneath a hammer. He could see those eyes burn like coals, filled with venom and hate.

All my fault.

He deserved it. He deserved the bone in his nose being rammed into his brain, for his skull to crack.

My stupid fault.

The world went black, until lights flickered on in Shinji's plug.

Ah…I'm in the simulation…

It had not been the Suzuhara boy mindlessly hammering, but the ruthless grace of the Fourth Seraph. His mind had drifted off again.

"Hey, Shinji-kun. You looked like you spaced out there." Misato's voice, softer than it usually was at work, crackled over the radio.

"Mm." Shinji nodded. It still felt like he was floating a little. The metallic, salty tang of blood lingered in his mouth. Every part of his sore body ached in in a way it hadn't done in years, if not worse. Teacher's explosive rage had been bad enough but this was different.

The Suzuhara boy had tried to kill him.

And he'd every right to do so in Shinji's eyes.

Weird. He beat me half to death for hurting his little sister. Meanwhile I slugged the closest thing I have to that.

Rei's frightened red gaze flashed across his mind and Shinji sighed.

I really am the lowest. The sooner I'm out of here, the better.

"I can get Tenka-san to check you over again. If you're in pain, we can help that." Misato said.

"No. No…I'm fine."

There was some hushed whispering on the other end of the radio until Captain Smith spoke.

"Let's take five. We could all do with a cup of coffee."

Usually, coffee was too strong for Shinji's taste. Today though he needed something to pump his blood just that bit harder.

The roof of the plug slid off with various snaps and hisses. Shinji slipped his helmet off then clambered out. He left the simulation room still in his armour and walked to the nearest coffee machine. The other staff overseeing him, Misato and Smith included, had already lined up for their turn.

Shinji stood at the back of the line, alone with his thoughts.

Toji Suzuhara's knuckles hammered at his mind. To block it out, Shinji focused on those in front as a distraction. Five staff stood in the line today, although sometimes it could be as much as ten. Aside from Smith and Misato, there were three technicians, among whom he only recognised Lieutenant Ibuki. One was a man with short black hair who wore glasses and had a cheerful smile. He animatedly chatted to his colleagues, mostly about manga, so Shinji tuned out the otaku's blathering.

Honestly, who on Earth has time for that rubbish? Go read a real book. Tolkien sure as shit didn't need pictures, speech bubbles and "kawaii" girls to make his work good.

Putting thoughts of one of his prized possessions aside, Shinji took in the other man. He looked gaunt and tired with long brown hair and a look that said he'd seen it all. He mumbled ascent to the blathering of the man with the glasses, something to the effect of "yeah, sure, whatever you say Hyuga-san." Ibuki meanwhile tried to hide a giggle.

They're friends, or at least colleagues that get along. That must be nice.

The line gradually ambled along. The machine hissed and rasped as hot water was mixed with coffee beans, then poured into plastic cups. Having got his, Smith made his way to the back of the line and stood next to Shinji.

"Hey, kiddo. Heard you had a rough day." He said.

"It doesn't matter." Shinji muttered.

"I mean, it kinda does, buddy. Katsuragi says you got beaten to a pulp." Smith frowned, not to be deterred.

Shinji's turn at the coffee machine had come. He hesitated, wondering whether if tea or hot chocolate would be nicer after all, but then pressed on. On the machine's screen, he pushed the indicator for coffee and let the machine work its magic.

As the liquid poured, he sighed.

"I got in a fight. I'd pissed off another guy and got what I deserved."

"Tenka said you had multiple blunt force traumas to the head and its was a miracle your jaw didn't break. Even if you ran over this guy's dog that would be excessive." Smith said.

"No, Smith-san. I got something wrong. Badly, wrong…and it wouldn't have been wrong for me to die because of it."

A brief look of alarm flashed across Smith's face.

"You dying doesn't fix anything, buddy. To be honest it would leave the world a bit poorer."

Shinji laughed an ugly laugh at that. "Really? You seriously think that?"

"Yeah, seriously. Katsuragi would agree with me too."

Shinji knew it would be rude to scoff at that, even if it were only a shred of kindness meant to keep him there a little longer. He instead muttered a quiet "thanks" then sipped his coffee. It was like a battering ram upon his taste buds, and his nose wrinkled.

"Good shit, huh?" Smith gently laughed and clapped Shinji on the back. "It might taste horrible at first, but that'll be your best friend in years to come."

"I'll take your word for it." Shinji coughed and spluttered a bit, overpowering ground coffee beans filling his nostrils. But he felt the haze around his head clear a little, and the world come into a touch more focus.

"Alright. See you back in there." Smith smiled then walked off. As Shinji turned to go back into the simulation room, he noticed the brown uniformed captain having a quiet word with Misato, unmistakable in her red jacket.

Probably letting her know I'm crazy.

Shinji shook his head and drank some more coffee, fighting the urge to pinch his nose.

All of a sudden, his stomach turned in on itself. Shinji wondered if the coffee had disagreed with him more than he'd realised, only for another sharp, familiar, tug to jog his memory.

It was the same as what he'd had that morning.

It's happened a few times…maybe I should talk to Tenka…no…

The tug didn't hurt. Indeed, it was more as if he were pulled in a particular direction.

Shinji followed the pull and looked over his shoulder. Nothing abnormal creeped in the corridor. Staff ran back and forth as usual under harsh, artificial light. Yet it felt like something steadily crawled up his spine, claws extended, and fangs unsheathed.

Something's coming…something evil…

"Shinji-kun?" Misato had appeared at his side, concern etched into her brow. Shinji jolted back to reality.

Don't be absurd. There's nothing there.

"Oh…hello, Katsuragi-san. Can I help you?" He said.

Her lips frantically moved but no words came.

Smith's told her I'm crazy. Great.

"Are…are you feeling alright?" She gingerly ventured.

"I'm fine. Just a few bruises-"

"No." Misato blurted out and winced at the same time. "I mean…are you alright in yourself?"

In truth, he wasn't of course. Shinji Ikari hadn't been fine in himself for twelve years. The events of the last week had made him feel far worse than usual though. For a moment he thought to tell her about it, how down he could get sometimes.

Being a nuisance to others won't fix anything. Don't bother her.

"I'm fine." He lied, hating having to think about this. His legs itched to get back in the simulation room, and his arm threatened to tip the rest of the coffee down his throat and drown out all memory of a boy who'd grasped him by the throat and screamed in grief and rage.

"Shinji-kun-" Misato tried again.

"I said I'm fine!" He snapped and immediately regretted it. "I'm fine, Katsuragi-san. It doesn't matter too much anyway…"

I deserve to be in pain. I deserve to be miserable. Even if I didn't there's nothing you can do about it…no one can…

Before Misato could speak again, Shinji brushed her off with a "I've got to go. Talk later" before he dashed back into the simulation room. Immediately he cursed himself.

Why the fuck did I say talk later? Now she'll just drill me about it again in the apartment. Ugh, I'm such an idiot.

As if in a last effort to wash the thoughts away, he downed the rest of his coffee. Shinji forced himself to swallow it with half a gag, but immediately its strength filled his body with warmth. Smith was right; this would be a friend to him one day.

Shinji briskly walked to his waiting entry plug and rammed the helmet back on his head. He jumped in, ignoring the hard, cold, metal seat he landed on. The hatch slid shut and his darkened surroundings flickered into life.

Nothing mattered in there, Shinji noted happily.

I can't hurt anyone.

"Strapped in and ready to go." Shinji spoke into his helmet's mouthpiece.

"Roger that, kiddo." Smith responded.

'Smith-san? Can we do some more of what we were doing the other day?"

"No countdown?"

"Yes." Shinji breathed and relaxed into his seat. The tension, the unpredictability of the CGI foe, would surely keep him on his toes and his mind away from unpleasant thoughts.

"Alrighty then. No countdown."

As he prepared himself, Shinji waited for Misato to offer some of the usual encouragement or observations but was met with silence. An atmosphere had descended, and he could feel it even from another room.

He'd thrown up a wall between them now.

Probably for the best. Next month I'm off and I probably won't see her again.

His surroundings switched back to that image of central Nakisawame. A forest of silver skyscrapers surrounded him, although this time he noted the darkness and lack of gleam. Above, the only light was the glow of the moon and the twinkling of distant stars in a sea of black.

Captain Smith did this every now and again, changing random parts of the simulation to help keep Shinji on his toes.

The proximity alarm sounded. Sachiel had finished loading up. His white bone armour gleamed in the moonlight. Beautiful and terrible as ever, the Seraph had taken on an even more ethereal appearance this time.

Quite something, aren't you? Shinji tensed and dropped Unit 01 into a stance, ready to roll left or right when the enemy would first swing.

As if woken from a slumber, the Seraph extended its energy blades and cautiously advanced.

Shinji waited.

After a few tentative steps, the Seraph darted forward as if he walked on air. Sachiel came for him, hatred in its beady black eyes. His movements had been thoroughly studied and the simulation faithfully recreated the Seraph's style.

Kill shot. Always going for a kill shot.

No nonsense, no hesitation. That was Sachiel, a professional swordsman in Shinji's opinion. Whenever it won, the end to the simulation came swiftly and cleanly.

Imagine a Seraph that plays with its food. Fucking Hell… He had to fight down a shudder.

Shinji rolled, coming up in a crouch. The Seraph immediately corrected its course and came after him again. Shinji darted to the left, then weaved and dodged for a full minute straight before the beast finally caught him.

It was all an account of an apartment block. Shinji misjudged his distance from it and clipped it with his shoulder as he dodged another strike of white energy. He cursed under his breath and tried to correct, only for the Seraph to pounce on him like a tiger.

Shinji blocked a single strike with his forearm, before the Seraph's left-handed blade stabbed him clean through the the throat.

The simulation cut to black.

that felt longer than usual.

"One minute and twelve seconds, Shinji. Keep it up." Smith said.

He'd actually managed to stay alive for a minute. For the first time in a while, Shinji felt a bit chuffed with himself.

Small fucking miracles, eh?

"Thank you, Smith-san. I'm ready to go again when you are-"

Alarms exploded from every corner of Levav Base. The radio chatter was abruptly overwhelmed by shouts and barking commands.

"Wha, what's going on?" Shinji's quiet voice belied a heart that had leapt into his throat.

"All personnel, battle stations. Blue signature detected. Landfall expected in an hour." CASPAR's voice echoed from every speaker.

Shinji's blood ran cold.

It can't be. Not…not again.
 
Chapter 33: Grisca comes
"A sword screams for blood. Once drawn, it must taste it. He who indulges his weapon's thirst shall of it make a true friend." Proverb found in Sognefjord ruins

XXXIII

"Where is it?" Misato barked as she stormed into the CIC.

"Ten clicks south of Yokohama reef and moving fast." Hyuga reported.

"Adjustment of ETA to landfall: ten minutes. This one's fast." CASPAR added.

Misato cursed under her breath. The last one hadn't been anywhere near that quick.

"Has the alarm been sounded?" She said.

"Yes." Gendo's quiet voice sliced through her ear. She turned to see him sitting high above as ever, his gaze cold and implacable.

Glad you're on our side, boss.

"It was sent automatically the moment the enemy was detected." Gendo explained. "Civilians are moving to their bunkers as we speak."

Misato breathed a sigh of relief at that, but still shot a concerned look at the holographic display. On Nerv's sensors a radar black spot, the tell tale sign of a powerful H-field, had appeared.

And it was moving faster with every moment.

I hope they're hurrying up there…

"Mr Ikari, sir." Ibuki piped up. "We've tapped into Imperial Army chatter. They're moving an armoured division and an FCV squadron to intercept."

Misato's mouth flapped like a goldfish for a moment. Motochika could not have been stupid enough to throw more men in the way of a Seraph. A full army had done nothing, so what chance did a mere division have?

"Have they accessed our sensors?" Gendo inquired.

"No, sir. I think they just had a rapid response force on standby." Ibuki said.

"So, they don't know how fast or big this thing is?" Misato looked at the display again, feeling a faint tingle of worry. Not only was the Fifth Seraph fast, it was big.

Couldn't be less than two hundred metres long…

"I'd assume so, Director." Ibuki nodded.

"Then we ought to warn them." Misato decided. "Open a channel-"

"Belay that order." Gendo's cold voice caused silence to descend like a blanket of lead. Misato stiffly tried to find the right words.

"But…sir…if we don't-"

"Then perhaps this time the military will learn not to meddle in our affairs." Gendo's tone brokered no disagreement. "What is Unit 01's readiness?"

"Ready as it will ever be." Ritsuko briskly walked into the CIC. Around her green eyes, Misato noted smudged mascara, as if her old friend had been caught mid-manicure.

"And the Third Child?" Gendo asked.

"En-route to the cages as we speak. I've given him a crash course in prog knife and rifle use." Ritsuko said.

Misato hid a wince. She'd hoped they'd have more time to train Shinji, so he'd at least have some proficiency in basic weaponry. Unfortunately, the Fifth Seraph hadn't been content to wait seventeen years between blood-soaked intervals.

"Then everything is in order." Gendo grunted in satisfaction. "Have Unit 01 on standby. Observe the Imperial Army in the meantime."

"Yes, sir." Those beneath him chorused.

The room bustled. Fingers danced across keyboards and hushed conversations tickled Misato's ear. She did her best to block them out and focus on the display, tracking the enemy's movement blip by blip.

Too fast.

She shifted uncomfortably as it cut across the display like a bird in flight. Her worst fears were realised.

Much too fast. Not everyone will make it to their shelters in time.

She looked at the timer; the enemy would make landfall in five minutes.

"Why've they stopped?' Hyuga's voice took her out of her reflection.

"Hm?" Misato shook away her reflection, and looked over her subordinate's shoulder at his monitor. Hyuga, observing military movement, had a deep frown on his face.

"Why've they stopped?" He scratched the back of his neck. "Imperial battle doctrine is all about engaging the enemy the moment they land. It's a bit strange for them."

It was Misato's turn to frown. That was indeed the Japanese tactic, and Japanese soldiers had indeed stopped some ten clicks inland. The FCVs did the same, hovering high above, whilst a fighter squadron had moved out to screen the enemy.

"Maybe they're forming a line of defence on better ground?" She ventured.

Hyuga's frown didn't move.

Neither did hers.

"CASPAR." Gendo called out. "Access the cameras onboard those fighters. I want to have some idea of what we're dealing with today."

"Sure thing, Gendo-chan!" The AI happily trilled, and a heartbeat later a screen opened up above the main holographic display. "Squadron leader's camera accessed. We're watching them in real time."

Puffy white clouds whipped by as the Kaze jet fighter cut gracefully through the air. Misato tuned out the pilot's voice reporting back to command and instead focused on the horizon. The Pacific Ocean, that endless carpet of blue, stretched out below. Timeless waves gently lolled against each other.

So focused on the water, waiting for the enemy to burst forth, she almost jumped when the Seraph came into sight.

"Can confirm, enemy is airborne." Ibuki said, professionally but redundantly.

Ten thousand feet below, hovering just above the water to the point where it kicked up spray as it passed, was the Fifth Seraph. Unlike the Fourth, there was nothing humanoid about it. Long, like some kind of insect with an arrow shaped head, the Seraph was covered in glossy chitinous red armour. Two massive black eyes poked out of the side of its head.

"What the hell…" Misato muttered under her breath. It could not have been more different to what came before.

"It's an eldritch horror, ma'am. Don't think we're meant to make sense of it." Hyuga offered.

"Huh?"

What's an eldritch?

"Eldritch? Lovecraft? Come on." Hyuga awkwardly ventured then fell silent and went back to work.

"Gods, you're such a nerd." Aoba chuckled under his breath.

On the display, the pilot confirmed the enemy's position and speed, then pulled for home as fast as he could.

Sensible.

The enemy had been sighted and now she had an idea as to its nature. Misato had to actively fight off the urge to pace as she thought deeply. The staff nearest to her did their best to quieten their work, knowing the Director needed silence to craft a grand strategy.

Okay then, it flies. It's fast. How high and how fast are still variables we don't know yet. She sighed a little.

Fighting it in the open is out of the question. Even Rei would struggle there, and Shinji…Misato methodically searched through her mind and found a hazy 3-D image of Nakisawame. Its roads and its skyscrapers provided some cover and could perhaps force the enemy down a choke point. If they got its Field down, Shinji could unload his ammunition into the Seraph's face and the job would be done.

It was a simple strategy.

I'll take it.

"Director, we've picked something up in the Yellow Sea." Hyuga abruptly interrupted her thoughts.

"What is it?" Misato said, already filing the plan in her mind for delivery to Shinji.

"Unknown, trying to…" Hyuga's eyes went wide. "Energy levels rising! Can confirm, nuclear radiation detected!"

Cold fingers tugged at Misato's stomach.

She couldn't…she wouldn't…

Japan's ballistic missile submarines prowled across the entire Pacific, but it was known that at least one was in the Yellow Sea; the Chinese knew that as well, which encouraged good behaviour.

But there was a submarine with a nuclear payload in the Yellow Sea. And their instruments had just detected a flair of radiation.

"Get me Imperial General Headquarters." Gendo's icy voice, louder than usual, carried across the room in a hiss. "Now."

"Yes, sir! Patching-" CASPAR said quickly, all humour vanishing from her tone.

Too late.

"Launch detected!" Hyuga called out.

A dreadful moment of silence hung on the CIC.

"Use our satellites. I want eyes in the sky." Gendo commanded, a growl hidden by gruffness.

"Yes, sir."

The monitor changed into first an image of Japan from orbit, soon followed by a clicking further and further into focus. Eventually, Nerv's expensive satellite had what it was looking for: a ballistic missile finished with its ascent and beginning a descent.

Motochika had finally done it. She'd gone for the nuclear option.

And it would strike Japanese soil.

Bile bit at the back of Misato's throat in a way that it hadn't done in a long time. Looking around, she could see that everyone else in the room had a similar taste in their mouths. Some of the younger staff turned white as ghosts.

There were no Japanese alive who hadn't grown up in the shadow of the bombs that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The mushroom cloud, the consumed cities, the shadows burned into concrete, loomed vividly in their people's minds, made all the worse when China followed in the dead United State's footsteps.

And that time it had been ancient Kyoto swallowed by hellfire.

Now not even the youngest child failed to feel a tingle of fear down the spine at the thought of a mushroom cloud. It had taken all of Motochika's force and brutality to ram through scrapping the old Article Nine of their constitution to create a nuclear arsenal, and the arguments rumbled on to this day.

Misato looked again at the display, eyeing the troops present with faint concern.

I hope that mad Bitch had the good sense to hand around Iodine tablets.

"I don't want to look." Ibuki mumbled.

But none could tear their eyes away as the missile plummeted downwards. The target area was the very coastline the enemy would make landfall, and timed perfectly to the moment of its arrival. Misato suppressed a faint flicker of admiration for the submarine commander who'd made the shot.

As the enemy swept out from sea and onto land, it cast a quizzical gaze skyward, just in time to see the strange dart fall on it. Its H-Field flared before it was enveloped in light.

Misato could picture it before it happened. The earth shaking thunder, the initial pulse of gale force wind followed by a wall of fire and a lingering death.

The mushroom cloud billowed up into the heavens, demonic orange light at its heart. That tingle of existential dread finally became a full shudder. Even Ritsuko, pessimistic, cynical Ritsuko, puffed her cigarettes with trembling hand.

As it was in the CIC, the military comms had fallen deathly silent.

"Yield?" Misato said.

"Ten kilotons." CASPAR relayed quietly. "Tac nuke."

Thank the Gods.


Slowly the army's communication coughed back into life. Scrambling radio belted out orders and the troops responded.

"The military is engaging." Hyuga looked up from his console to see the first few shells fly.

A hundred tanks barked and gave their deathly bite, rail guns whining and belching fire. Lined up as a massed battery of artillery, their attack was a well oiled rhythm as they fired by platoon. Their shells disappeared into the smoke, with only the faint flashes revealing hits.

"There's still something there to hit…" Ritsuko whispered her thoughts aloud, tinged in fear. Misato pretended not to hear.

Crackling blue pulses of energy soon arced out from FCV bow cannons. Their impacts were far easier to see, as what seemed cobalt blue stars popped into existence for just a moment before dissipating. Such was their force that the mushroom cloud started to to be ripped away, as if smoke in a strong breeze. Indeed, the target area was smashed so hard that it could be said the cloud disappeared under its weight.

A nuclear warhead, naval positron bombardment, and tank shells; Misato almost admired the Marshal's fondness for overkill.

The plan was clear. Motochika had pinned everything on a nuclear strike either killing the Seraph or at least taking out its H-Field. Just to be sure, she'd rolled in a tank division and an FCV squadron to pelt the target even more.

As much as it agonised Misato, the idea was sound.

If I were in her position I'd be awfully tempted. Use up all my options and all that. She bit back a curse at herself. No, fuck that! I'd never use a nuke. Not after what happened to Hiroshima and Nagasaki, let alone Kyoto. Shit, I wouldn't use one on the Chinese!

Yet still something else nagged at her: hope.

If there was anything that could truly hurt, if not kill, a Seraph, it had to be mankind's most terrible weapon.

Even if the initial blast or the radiation didn't get it, surely it's weakened? Maybe the military can kill it!

Relief prepared to rush into her. Shinji would have a bit more time to train after all.

But as she looked over her shoulder at Ritsuko, who met her gaze and wearily shook her head, Misato knew it to be folly.

The cloud cover finally melted away to reveal the Seraph. Burnt, battered, but very much alive. Its black eyes seethed with rage which told Misato well enough that the military had only hurt, not killed, it.

"Blue signature status?" Misato asked forlornly.

"Stable." Hyuga murmured.

"It did nothing." Ritsuko whispered. "Gods help us, it did nothing."

The military had not stopped firing, but now their shots were sloshing off the Seraph's field. Angered by their defiance, it reared up and unfurled two tendrils of pure energy. It whipped them out to a length of some one kilometre and buried them into the ground. Then, as a sort of catapult, it used the tension to fling itself forward like a dart.

Misato looked away.

"Pilot status?"

"He's in the Eva." Ibuki said.

"Open a radio connection." Misato turned her thoughts to her troubled charge, and tried to blot out the slaughter. The Seraph had already fallen upon the Japanese armour, swishing with whips that cut through steel like a knife through butter.

The radio link to Unit 01 crackled into life and Misato leaned in close to a microphone.

"Shinji-kun, do you read?"

"Er…yes…I mean, roger!" Came Shinji's unsure, quiet, voice.

"Good. We're feeding you tactical data right now. Can confirm that a nuclear weapon has been used on the enemy to little effect."

"L-little effect?"

Misato sighed. "I'm afraid so."

She allowed a silence to hold as Shinji ran through what they'd all just seen on his helmet's hud. She could picture the helpless panic in his eyes.

"It…it has whips…and it can fly…the-the nuke did nothing!"

"You should have access to a readout of Nakisawame's grid. Use the buildings as cover and wait until the enemy closes to range. At that point, expand your field and neutralise the Seraph with your positron carbine. Is that understood?"

"…it's a monster…"

"Is that understood?" Misato repeated with a little harshness. Hindsight, unfair and unforgiving, now made Shinji's apathy towards his "job" appear incredibly foolish.

"Understood."

"Good."

She leaned back and turned to Ibuki. "Readiness?"

"One hundred percent. We're ready to go on your word, Director."

Misato nodded grimly. As ever, the thought that she was sending a lamb to slaughter crossed her mind.

No, I can't afford that. Have to stay focused. For all our sakes.

"Eva launch!"

XXX​

Author's note.
Just to clarify "Motochika" is the correct spelling of "Motichka." Thus I have been getting that name wrong for the better part of seven years. Yes, it was quite an embarrassing moment when I realised that.
 
Chapter 34: The Butcher
"Oh, grim striker. Your touch death and your heart evil." Saga of "Grisca", found in the Sognefjord ruins, 2014.

XXXIV​

As Unit 01 shot to the surface, Shinji's stomach was slammed into his shoes. In the space between panic and anger over his miserable situation, Shinji desperately tried to recall what little he'd learned. But the more he clawed for a grip, the more it slipped away into a haze of fear.

All he could glean was to trust his far from honed instincts.

I'm going to die.

The heavens opened up to blue sky. Unit 01 stood in the heart of a seething Nakisawame, as what seemed like a tide of ants surged around his feet.

"Evacuations aren't complete yet, Shinji-kun. Watch your step." Misato's voice crackled over the radio.

"Roger that." Bile bit at the back of his throat.

"Visual contact with the enemy in T-minus thirty seconds." Lieutenant Ibuki said with a hint of worry.

This one's fast. Shinji looked down at his feet and saw fleeing families in their thousands. Many had already made it to their bunkers, but not enough.

Not nearly enough.

Unending columns of abandoned cars stretched out in all directions, those having chosen to flee earlier having the good sense to make for a bunker. Others possessed of a similar wisdom were already cresting the hills of Nakisawame and disappearing down the other side.

Those in the city meanwhile would never clear the area in time. And given the devastation wrought by Unit 01's battle with the Fourth Seraph…

No. Remember what Smith said. Focus on the enemy and nothing else.

It was better this time. He had some idea of what he was doing, wore armour that would protect him from being thrown around the plug, and one last little present that had yet to appear.

As if on cue, a compartment on the elevator slid open to reveal a massive rifle. Dr Akagi had very quickly run him through it in the minutes before he sortied: it was an energy weapon.

"It's an automatic positron rifle. You won't get nearly the same impact as a ship mounted cannon, but it should do the job. The power pack gives you sixty shots. Just get the enemy's field down and squeeze the trigger." Her words rang through his head, a touch of suppressed acid still present.

The understandable reason for that enmity had watched him ascend not a few moments before. Rei Ayanami had stood off in the corner of the Cages, silently observing him.

Probably just cataloguing me. Fucking computer.

"Contact. It's here." Ibuki said, her tone drenched in dread.

Then, like a monster of ancient myth, the Seraph crested a hill.

Shinji's chest constricted. It had to be the length of a battleship, a giant insect like creature covered in gleaming red chitinous armour with giant beady black eyes on both sides of its arrow shaped head head. What struck even him was that it floated above ground by a full twenty metres.

And the moment it saw him, it fixed him with a glare.

It wasn't the look of contempt or bemusement of the Fourth. It had so much hate and malice in it that it burned him. Shinji's heart began to beat that bit faster.

I don't stand a chance against this thing. The military used a fucking nuke and that didn't stop it, so how the hell can I!?

Around him the pandemonium of the city intensified. Screams rose like a wave as people trampled over themselves in a blind scramble to get away.

The Seraph's gaze drifted away from Shinji for a moment and looked at the crowds. It were as if there were a longing, a hunger, in those eyes for a split second, but it quickly faded.

Reluctantly, the Fifth Seraph tore itself away from the throngs to focus on Shinji and slowly advanced.

"Remember, you'll need to neutralise its Field before you can unload on it." Misato said.

"Roger that." Shinji's heart pounded in his ears. His mouth had become dry whilst sweat trickled down the back of his neck.

I'm going to die.

Shinji forced down those thoughts and commanded Unit 01 to move. He gently retreated into the thicket of skyscrapers, both for cover and to coax the Seraph to follow.

It did.

Rounding a few corners to make sure he was completely out of its sight, Shinji then hid himself behind one of the smaller scrapers. Daring to peer inside for a moment, he saw dozens of staff frantically running around, papers flying in the air like a flock of seagulls.

Salarymen

The fools, or at least their boss, had thought they could cram in a few more minutes of work. Now they were here to make Shinji feel slightly better about his own decision making.

You might have just killed yourselves, guys.

They had.

"Seraph closing…Ikari-san, it's literally on the other side of the skyscraper." Ibuki relayed.

"Expand your Field." Misato ordered.

As he had been taught, Shinji tried to imagine the Evangelium's mighty H-Field as a sort of second skin, one that could bend, expand, and retract. With that embraced, he pushed outward, his awareness passing through the skyscraper, through what felt like dozens of little candles, until it hit the Seraph.

It was as if he'd touched scalding water.

Instinctively retracting, he felt some of that burning drive ever deeper into him, as if someone had plunged white hot daggers into his chest. From that brief brush, he tasted more than heat; he'd felt an indescribable desire to hurt him.

"Neutralisation failed. It knows what I was trying to do…" Shinji mumbled as his old friend fear wound its way around his heart.

An agonising second passed.

"Shinji, move." Misato's voice remained steady.

At the very moment he backed away, the Seraph crashed through the skyscraper, glass and steel shattering in equal measure. The mighty work of men, its base torn to shreds, started to collapse in on itself, but the beast was untroubled.

It flew like an arrow at him. On impulse, Shinji raised his rifle and fired before anyone, including himself, could protest.

As if frozen in place by fear, his finger locked around the trigger and could not let ago. Streaks of blue, electric, energy, flew through the air like bolts of lightning, each roughly hitting their mark. Were it not for the Seraph's H-Field, its head may well have been torn to shreds.

The shots splashed like water bombs against rock as they hit the Seraph's H-Field. The beast stopped for a moment, surprised and vaguely curious as the barrel of the pallet rifle overheated and became useless.

The faint hiss of the gun burning itself it slashed at Shinji's ears like knives. The Seraph observed his frozen form and slowly tilted its head.

I'm an idiot. A stupid, damned, idiot. Why can't I get anything right!?

"Shinji, fall back." Misato said, urgency in her tone. He didn't wait twice to start backing away, although common sense told him not to turn his back.

For once Shinji's instincts saved his life.

The Seraph came at him like a blur, as if launched from a catapult all of a sudden. Something unfolded from beneath its chest, but he didn't wait to find out what it was.

He rolled to the right, allowing the Seraph to speed past.

He tried to back up, mind scrambling for the command to produce prog knife, but the Seraph turned with unnatural speed and grace, and came for him again. A tendril, a glowing whip of pain, slashed out and cut a bubbling gash in his chest armour.

Shinji yelped, feeling his skin melt whilst his nostrils were filled with the scent of phantom roasting flesh.

He stumbled and spun, falling face first into hard ground. Instinct, ancient and invaluable ally of all life, forced him to stay conscious, forced him to get up and bolt as if his life depended on it.

The Eva's form was so massive that the city of Nakisawame was almost a ring fence. Skyscrapers were the barriers whilst houses and apartment blocks may as well have been gnarled roots he could trip on.

If he tripped, he died.

"Shinji, we're deploying another rifle a click south of your location. Military assets are cleared to give you fire support. Move pilot!" Misato barked.

Doing as he was told, Shinji adjusted his course south, lining up with the flashing icons on his hud. Already he knew Misato was probably thinking up a plan to get him out of this mess of his own creation.

Glittering steel and glass flashed passed him as he ran. A small part of his mind, consumed by thoughts of a mangled little girl, fought off complete panic well enough to mind his step. The financial hub of Nakisawame was fortunately empty by this point, but one or two throngs of people made his hammering heart skip a beat.

Cars and public property weren't quite his concern, however. Haplessly parked cars and bus stops were crushed underfoot as the flashing icon on his hud came closer and closer.

I can try again. The military will be supporting me this time. Everything will be fine.

The intersection up ahead disappeared into debris as the Seraph entered his view from the left side. It must have observed him, discerned his route, then moved to cut him off.

It had allowed him to run for a short while. But no more.

Shinji skidded to a stop as he tried to fall back the way he'd come. Like a bird of prey, the Seraph swooped down on him, tendrils uncurling from its body to whip through the air.

He raised his hands to defend himself mid roll, but the Seraph effortlessly batted them aside and slashed across Unit 01's helmet. Shinji howled in pain as he crumpled to the ground, gripping the right side of his face as it burned.

"Shinji, get up! You have to get up!" Misato's voice took on that tone of desperation he'd first heard when Sachiel had him in its murderous hands.

He forced himself up, fighting against every quaking nerve in his body. The Seraph loomed over him, clearly enjoying his plight. It moved slowly forward, swishing ever closer and closer to his feet.

Shinji bolted and prayed to whoever was listening that Unit 01 was fast enough. Perhaps if he'd time to build up speed he could at least outrun and put distance between himself and the enemy.

White hot pain slashed across his thigh and Shinji stumbled. Unit 01 roared as its thigh bubbled and melted around the great black gash in its grey armour.

The Seraph pounced, glee in its black eyes. In animalistic panic, the kind his primordial ancestors must have felt when large predatory cats came for their flesh, Shinji thrusted his hands out at his attacker. An all-consuming urge to push this venomous, cruel, creature away took over, and strength flooded his veins. It felt as if his stomach had jumped out of his body as he pushed without pushing.

A wall of crackling red lightning, his H-Field, surged out from Unit 01's hands and tossed the Seraph back. It crashed, back first, through a skyscraper that soon collapsed on itself.

The mission timer in his plug ticked by for a few seconds as Shinji stared at his hands.

"I…can do that?" He thought aloud.

"…looks like it, Shinji-kun." Misato said, faint but relieved disbelief in her tone. "Keep moving. That blue signature hasn't faded at all."

I just did what they did…
Shinji thought back to Sachiel stretching out its hand and unleashing a typhoon of energy.

Cool.

He didn't wait to find out just how angry he'd made his enemy and instead darted for the pallet rifle. Any questions he had about how much damage had been done to the beast where soon answered when a blast of white energy surged into the sky from the pile of debris.

Mixed in among the thunder of the mini-volcanic eruption, was an alien scream of rage.

"I think I pissed it off."

"Gee, you think?"

He reached the compartment brought up by elevator, hatch already blown off to reveal the weapon. Not bothering to disable the clamps, Shinji tore the rifle out and swung it around on the enemy he knew was right behind him. The Seraph's presence was revealed by the wave of screams from terrified civilians.

The weapon was torn from his grip before he fired a shot. The Seraph filled his vision, black eyes burning like coals, outraged at his daring to hurt it.

It'll make me die screaming.

All his courage, and his little bit of training, disintegrated.

Shinji froze.

His vision blurred, except for the monster at its centre, and his ears rang. His heart pounded in his ears, and his radio descended into an anarchy of static.

I'm going to die here.

The Seraph's tendrils slowly flipped back then came crashing down on Unit 01's head. The Evangelium was slammed face first into the hard tarmac and concrete. Blood dribbled out of Shinji's nose as his head spun.

Faintly, some sense of panic coaxed his body back to life, and he made Unit 01 prop itself up on its hands. Shamshel's whips flicked at the Eva's chest and knocked it on its back.

Now Shinji had no choice but to stare his killer in the eye.

'I'll be gone in a few weeks. There's no point in any of this.' What a fucking idiot I am.

The Seraph leered over him, as if pondering how to chop up this meal. Deep in thought, it turned to look at the quickly fleeing crowds, and that insatiable hunger filled its eyes again.

Misato wouldn't believe him; no one would. Yet Shinji was convinced that his fear, and those of the massed screaming throngs of families, were ecstasy to this one. Sachiel wouldn't have cared, wouldn't have played this long.

This one was different. This one was cruel.

All of a sudden, after looking back and forth between him and the crowds, its black eyes lit up. It was as if the beast had suddenly been struck by the best idea in the world.

A tendril coiled around Unit 01's ankle. Pain shocked Shinji out of his stupor and he tried to scramble back, but the Seraph's grip was like a vice of magma. He felt himself be dragged across the ground, inch by inch, until half of Unit 01's mighty body was held up by the legs.

He could only imagine the incoherent static on the radio was people screaming at him to do something. Indeed, in the back of his mind, Shinji felt that would be wise. He had his prog knife, and the Evangelium was nowhere near out of battery; there was still a fight to be had. Yet these thoughts smashed into a solid barrier of fear, its grip frozen around his heart and mind.

Why do I have to be such a coward?

It happened in the blink of an eye.

The Seraph jerked its tendrils back and suddenly Shinji found himself completely airborne. He shut his eyes, wishing for the end, as he careened through building after building. Thousands of screams tore into his ears as he felt himself be plastered in a strange, soft and warm wetness as he was swept back and forth.

After what seemed like an eternity, although the Seraph's grip did not relent, Shinji finally coasted to a stop. Now the wetness was everywhere, to the point where he gagged from the taste of it.

Wait….I know this…Shinji detected the taste of iron on his tongue as he gingerly opened his eyes. His heart caught itself in his chest.

Blood.

Blood in his mouth.

Blood in his nostrils.

Blood in his hair.

A charnel house of smashed meat, bone, and concrete spread everywhere for approximately a square mile.

Every inch of his skin felt wet with the layer of gore and meat Unit 01 was now covered in. He looked at Unit 01's trembling hands, grey paint job smothered by crimson.

In amongst the thick mash of meat, he made out something small, blue, and stripy.

A child's t-shirt.

Shinji screamed.

Unit 01 did the same.

With a snort, the Seraph tossed him like a rag doll.
 
Chapter 35: The touch of hatred
"Know I am Grisca. Know I am butcher, ripper, tearer. Pray to the Gods, and the Wyrd sisters who weave men's lives, that you never fall under my hand." "Whoever this 'Grisca' was, he sounds monstrous. These people all but lusted after battle yet in every documentation of the man it sounds like they feared and reviled him: a twisted son of a twisted father." Personal notes of Dr Otto Reichart, chief archaeologist at the Sognefjord dig.

XXXV

Shinji flew like an artillery shell. The world above and below flashed past, but none of it registered. Even fear itself had now lifted like morning mist. In his mind's eye was only the image of that little t-shirt mixed among formless gore.

It's my fault.

Misato would say otherwise if by some miracle he survived, but Shinji knew this to be his doing. Piloting Unit 01 had only been an annoyance to him, a thankless trap he'd been snared in until Gendo's broken toy was repaired. He'd never taken it seriously, never thought it would matter, instead focusing on the day he'd board the train back to Kure and put this all behind him.

Now, Nakisawame did lie behind him: smeared in blood.

My fault.

The heavens and the earth tumbled over each other until, finally, Unit 01 slammed into the side of a hill. The Seraph had hurled him from central Nakisawame straight into its outer limits, where concrete, steal, and tarmac gave way to Hakone's countryside. Shinto gates stood proudly in the corner of his eyes, as if they knew the Gods of Japan would drive away any intruder.

I'm on sacred ground.

There was a shrine here. Despite their ubiquity to all the islands of Japan it had never occurred to Shinji that there was one here. He'd simply not cared to investigate and make the bare minimum effort.

The Gods hate me with good reason…if they exist…

"Shinji!? Shinji!? Talk to me!" Misato's voice, filled with a frantic worry, coaxed Shinji from the fog about his mind.

"It's all my fault…" He whispered.

"Listen to me. You need to retreat right now. The military will cover you."

As if to punctuate her point, booms and crumps now shook the earth. The Empire's warplanes and armour crested the hills that surrounded the city. Tanks gathered like a swarm of steel ants, belching smoke like dragons of western myth. Sword shaped FCVs gracefully came about to bring their broadsides to bare; missiles corkscrewed away as secondary armaments barked their challenge to the intruder.

The Seraph would learn as the Chinese once learned; the warriors of the Emperor did not give up so easily.

Not like me.

Shinji tried to shake the haze away, as much as he was tempted to lie there forever. Orders were orders, and he had to obey. It was the one thing he was good at.

Shinji gingerly forced Unit 01 to rise, only to catch a few second glimpse of the Seraph flying at him as if fired from the barrel of a gun. It crashed into him with a thunderclap and knocked him down. Unit 01's head smashed hard against rock whilst the Seraph pinned its prey and gave loving slash after slash.

Just kill me, damn you! I deserve it!

Shinji weakly flailed to block, to shield himself from the furious assault. Unit 01's arms were lacerated with fire again and again. After a while, Shinji ran out of oxygen to scream with.

But then the Seraph paused. For some reason, its gaze hovered over a cluster of bushes just next to Unit 01's head. Shinji couldn't help but follow its gaze. His eyes went wide.

Inexplicably, two boys sat there, gawking up at him and his assailant. And as if fate didn't have enough of a vicious sense of humour, Shinji knew them.

Indeed, he'd gotten thoroughly acquainted with Toji Suzuhara and Kensuke Aida that very morning.

The Seraph slowly turned back to Shinji, leering with what he could only assume was a smile. Immediately, its design became clear.

"No." Shinji shot out a hand to grab the tendril that darted for the two boys. He closed his fingers around it and had to clench his teeth. Armour and flesh roasted and bubbled in equal measure.

The boys tried to flee, but the 5th Seraph was able to flick the edge of its tendril in a semi-circle just in front of them. They scrambled back, a desperate fear in their eyes.

Shinji knew well enough what they felt, and his enmity to the two ebbed for a moment.

If he could just get out of there and make for open country, then he might draw the Seraph away from the city and the frightened masses of people he'd failed so horrifically. Away from the two boys who'd administered and overseen the worst beating he'd ever known.

Shinji thought about pushing with his Field, then dismissed it; Toji and Kensuke would be crushed in a heartbeat by that. He could try and fight, but the risk remained.

Shinji didn't want anyone else dying on his account today.

How do I get out of this…how, how, how…

"Shinji, retract your plug." Misato's voice crackled.

"What?" Shinji frowned.

"Retract your plug and get those two on board. You'll be able to fight freely then."

"Roger that."

As instructed, careful not to totally sever his connection to Unit 01, he threw back the various switches and pulled the handle below his seat. He felt the thrust of the cylinder erupting out of the Evangelium's back, then darted for the emergency hatch. Built in at the side, it was a way ejected Eva pilots could escape or be rescued.

Sliding it back with suddenly numbed hands, Shinji felt a brief bit of nausea as he looked outside. His eyes were still connected to the Eva, and this double vision baffled them. He shook his head and felt it pass. Ten metres away, Toji and Kensuke were half frozen with fear and surprise as they saw him peer out the plug.

"Get in!" Shinji shouted.

Dumbfounded, they didn't move.

"Get. In." An uncharacteristic snarl bit into Shinji's tone. It snapped the two boys out of their stupor and they darted for the plug. The Seraph's tendrils briefly flashed as they tried to jab at them, but Unit 01 held the beast firm. Some sort of alien snarl caused Shinji's stomach to turn inside out, knowing full well what the Seraph had in mind for him now that he'd ruined its fun.

Shinji stilled his fear for a few precious seconds and hauled the boys into his plug. They were oddly light in his hands, although he had no time to spare thought for it. He slid the hatch shut, then threw himself back into his chair, flicking the necessary switches for the plug to sheathe itself in the Eva's back once more.

The pain immediately surged back into his fingers. Shinji hissed.

Toji and Kensuke yelped. He heard the latter wail about "his hands" and understood them to now be partially connected to Unit 01 as he was.

Whether or not that caused problems remained to be seen.

"Katsuragi-san, I've got them." He relayed via radio to Nerv's CIC.

"Good. Now get the hell out of the there."

"W-what's going on?" Kensuke warbled.

"Shut up and let me focus." Shinji snarled, some enmity for the day's earlier events biting into his tone.

The Seraph intensified its attempts to murder him, slashing at his eyes, so Shinji had to grip all the tighter. Concentrating, he reached into himself as he did before and pushed out with all his strength.

The enemy was buffeted and its grip slackened, but blasted back by a hurricane.

It'll do.

Shinji moved to throw it off, but felt his strength sluggishly stretch and wane. A cacophony of thoughts not his own swirled around in his mind. Fear and worry, just as profound as his, caused everything to fall into a muddle.

No. Fight it. Focus.

He pushed and the Seraph briefly wobbled, only for it to steady itself and push him down again. Before he could ask for help though, help appeared.

Over the storm of burning and scraping, came thunder. An FCV had come as close as it dared, broadsiding the Seraph from a mere two kilometres away. As the Seraph had left the city, the ship could play with one or two more of its toys, and the whine of charging rail guns swiftly preceded the scream of those tungsten slugs slamming into the Seraph's H-Field.

All of a sudden, the Seraph's weight became just that bit heavier as the sheer force of the salvo bled through even its nigh invincible shield. With his enemy thrown off balance, Shinji thrust Unit 01's head forward and felt the dull thud of connection.

The Seraph's arrow like head snapped back. As if the straw had broken the camel's back, the beast convulsed, and spewed a foul looking liquid all over him. Once it started it couldn't stop.

Shinji didn't waste his opportunity. Again, he reached within and pushed out, this time finally getting the enemy off him. It staggered back, hunched over and spewing, flecks of royal blue mixed in amongst the indescribable liquid.

It's H-Field withered then failed completely, and two more rounds from the FCV's rail guns punched gaping holes through its flesh. The Seraph screamed. Its agony reverberated through Shinji's ears like hot knives.

They'd hurt it, badly.

They'd also made it angry beyond reckoning.

"That's your window, Shinji. Fall back!"

Shinji obliged and scrambled away, catching a glimpse of bottomless hatred from the Seraph's black eyes. His footsteps felt looser than they'd been before, but he pushed on regardless. The Eva's mighty strides carried it away from the battlefield and toward safety. His hud flickered and indicated an elevator a mere two clicks away.

It would take him back into Levav Base, beneath all that armour and earth, where Nerv would pause and think before trying again whilst the military drew the enemy away from Nakisawame; away from all those people he'd failed.

At that Shinji felt about as nauseous as the Seraph must have been.

"You're running away?" Toji's eyes had narrowed into this slits Shinji had seen not a few hours before.

"Not now." Shinji rasped, momentarily taken aback by how raw and painful his throat felt, run ragged by his screams and shouts.

Toji snarled at that. "Hey, try not to crush any more little girls whilst you're at it-"

"Not. Now."

"Shinji, look out!" Misato's shriek caused Shinji to snatch a glimpse over his shoulder and roll just in the nick of time.

The wreckage of the FCV which had saved his life not a few minutes before hit the ground in front of him like a steel comet. Already in flames it crumpled and detonated. Shinji pushed his Field out to shield himself from the force of it, but still he felt his heels dig into the muddy earth.

He breathed, feeling the heat from the inferno, as his mind unhelpfully filed through crew numbers for Japanese warships.

Susanoo class FCV. A thousand sailors, officers, and airmen. A full company of marines.

The flames burned intensely, tinged with the blue of the vessel's ignited anti-matter engines. Shinji knew no one had survived.

"All my fault…all my fault…" He whispered, forgetting where he was and that people could hear him.

"Enemy closing on your position. You'll have to fight, pilot. Use your prog knife."

Command and instinct caused him to turn, knowing what was there, what flew towards him like a bullet.

The Seraph had recovered and decided he wasn't going anywhere.

It was angrier now, somehow. It's whips unfurled to their maximum extent and trailed behind it as the beast charged. Again, Shinji rolled. The words to produce his prog knife failed to come out of his flapping tongue. The Seraph predicted him this time and course corrected. It knocked him clean off his feet.

The world spun and Unit 01 fell face first into the dirt. Shinji struggled to rise, then felt a burning rope wrap itself round his neck and squeeze. He half gagged, half screamed, as he flailed to pull the tendril off.

The Seraph leisurely tightened its grip, turned, and dragged him behind it. Always, always, Shinji's mind fought against the sensation.

I can breathe. I'm not burning. It's all in your mind.

Hapless Toji and Kensuke meanwhile had no clue as to how an Eva operated. They clutched their throats and clawing for breath. Shinji thought to tell them that it was just a sensation, that they felt what the Eva felt, but he didn't have time. He fought with all his strength to get the tendril off and, after some struggle, he felt it loosen. Sensing escape, he tried to abruptly rip it off then flee, only for the other tendril to smack him in the back of the head.

His head hit the ground and that dark haze descended once more. Toji just about clung on to the back of his seat whilst Kensuke lay on his back half comatose.

Useless cowards. A part of his mind unkindly snapped.

Blinking through the haze, cold dread crawled up his spine as he realised where he was.

Nakisawame stretched out in front of him, massed throngs of people still trying to flee, rank upon rank of tanks still hammering away at their enemy for what good it did; the Seraph's field had rejuvenated and now rounds simply bounced off flickers of red lightning.

The beast loomed over him, something long and sharp in one of its tendrils, and Shinji only just realised it was the steel tip of a skyscraper used as a makeshift spear.

The Seraph punched the steel through his shoulder. Shinji cried out, louder than he'd done before, as shoulder plate shattered and lung was torn. His enemy drove its makeshift spear in deep, pushing into the ground itself so it could not be easily dislodged.

The Seraph gently brought its face to within a mere metre of Unit 01's. Shinji wanted to shrivel up inside himself.

Then thunder broke between his ears.

See your failure, maggot.

Shinji's ears rang, his skull throbbed, and nausea filled him. But as quickly as it came, it went.

"Did you…" He turned to his passengers and saw them far too groggy to answer, although Kensuke stood on his feet again: he wheezed a deep wheeze indeed.

The Seraph turned away, making sure Shinji could see its every move. It leisurely waded back into the city, tendrils gently swishing through the air. As if pulled by gravity, it leaned in the direction of tens of thousands of fleeing families.

The screams rose like a wave in the ocean.

"No…no, no, no…" Shinji tried to rise but the agony of the foreign body plunged through his chest paralysed him.

The other boys looked on aghast, knowing what the Seraph was about to do. Kensuke could only stare, whilst Toji's mouth desperately flapped.

"Do something!" He shouted.

Japanese armour had already advanced into Nakisawame to shield civilians and coordinate the evacuation, whilst the Imperial Aviation Corps continued its relentless, futile attack on the mad Demi-god.

Now their fire became all the more intense. The 5th Seraph swooped down on them, tendrils snapping through the air with sadistic glee.

As ever, as would always be, the Imperial Army held its ground against the invader. Shells were loaded and barrels belched fire at an increased but disciplined rate. The rattle of the FCVs's guns ebbed as their primary armaments became impossible to use due to the proximity of their own troops and the civilians they wished to protect.

The Seraph revelled in it. Their powerlessness nourished it, their inability to deny him his bloody prizes intoxicating.

It was then that Shinji understood.

This creature, this force of nature, could not be stopped by anything but an Evangelium. It would merrily massacre everything from the shores of Kyushu to the mountains of Hokkaido. The land of the rising sun and her people would only be a memory by the time it was done.

Then, drenched in Japan's blood, this demon would cross the Yellow Sea and start the horror again in Asia and beyond. If it had a face, a blood spattered beam would cover it from ear to ear.

Butcher…it's just a fucking butcher!

After destroying an armoured platoon with a single swipe, it looked over its shoulder at Unit 01, tilting its head. His desperate struggle against the spear in his shoulder appeared to please it.

It pressed on.

VTOLs closed to point blank range and unleashed their entire armament to no effect. The Seraph ignored them and casually reached out to slice a large office block. With perfect precision it cut at the base, allowing the building to crash down on the road and fence in a few thousand people.

Unit 01's ears picked up the sickening wet crunch of the tons of steel and glass that crashed down on meat. The screams had reached their crescendo and couldn't get any louder.

The Seraph advanced down the road. It hungrily fixed its gaze upon those behind the thin line of tanks, and lovingly swished its tendrils.

Some little insects crawled up the rubble from the other side to stand on top of it. Soldiers, mere infantryman, they fired their small arms at the Seraph, whilst trying to help people climb over the ruined skyscraper. In amongst them where even a few khaki tunics. Kenpeitai tried to push people, namely the little ones, up into the hands of the soldiers above.

Some drew their side arms and fired on their assailant for good measure.

They had no Eva. The power of a god didn't flow through their fingertips, nor where they shielded by mighty H-Fields. These were just normal men with rifles and body armour.

Yet they stood where he had collapsed.

The Seraph was to be on them in seconds.

Shinji knew well enough what would happen next.

Slowly, the visage of the enemy faded then moulded into something else. The screams did not abate and neither did the gunfire, but he instead heard echoing laughter in mandarin. The streets of another, now infamous, city were choked with the dead and the dying: men, women, and children; young and old.

All had been gunned down as they fled, bullets striking them in the back as they ran. Sticky blood flowed like a river over the tarmac.

Claustrophobia set in as Shinji felt a familiar heavy warmth surround him, that pile of bodies the flies flocked around. He'd a hiding place then, but not now.

Just as it was those long years ago, he couldn't do anything to stop the cruel massacre the helpless. All he could do was cower and pray that they'd find him last.

The navy blue tunics of the men out there changed to puffy, camouflaged suits, helmets and Kevlar vests of a similar colour. Their old semi-automatics barked as they tried, tried, to hold back the tide.

Among them a young man, not much older than he was now, who'd taken his small hand and shared his rations with him when teacher had vanished. Shinji's eyes moistened, his mind fighting to stop the memory, but his involuntary recollection was not finished.

At last, the nightmare repeated came to its fruition. The pair of kind eyes that had shown him such warmth were now wide with pain. The soldier's torso had been ripped away, and his entrails dragged behind him.

If only he'd been faster, Shinji miserably thought. If his stupid little legs had pumped just that bit harder, they might have missed that shell.

All my fault…all my fault!

The Seraph had all but finished slaughtering the tanks. One, the only survivor, had been knocked aside. Scorched and ruined, its tracks slashed, its turret still whirred and belched smoke at the enemy.

The Seraph ignored it. To Shinji's mind it probably revelled in the tank's inability to stop it claiming its trapped, terrified, prize.

It loved the misery it caused. Cold, dry laughter echoed through his mind.

Something inside him snapped at that.

I hate you.

His icy fear began to warm, pulsating all the harder. In but a split second the cold had melted into something else: white, hot, and angry.

He couldn't do anything for Fukuyama, or for Corporal Ryusaki. But he could do something for these people; he could send their tormentor to Yomi screaming.

A bestial roar tore its way free from Shinji's throat.

And Unit 01 obeyed his command to rise.
 
Chapter 36: Blood
"But harken warrior. Beware drowning in the blood you crave, sweet though it is. That shall strike you down as surely as any spear or sword." Inscription found in the Sognefjord ruins.

XXXVI

"Prog knife!" Shinji snarled.

At his command, a compartment built into Unit 01's back slid open, and the blade in question jutted out. The prog knife was a short thing for an Eva, a gleaming dagger some ten metres long with an edge that vibrated as it cut. So high was the vibration's frequency, it was thought the blade could slice something down to the molecular level.

Compared to the Seraph it wasn't much.

It will do.

Shinji took it and, with a half-practiced slash, cut the spear in two and stood. With his other hand, he grasped the steel shaft still embedded in his shoulder and ripped it out. Adrenaline pumped to deaden the pain, but the unpleasant sensation of blood sloshing in his lung still bit at the back of his throat.

"Shinji…withdraw…there's nothing you can do…" Misato said quietly, remorse and fury mixed together. It came with the promise of future retribution.

The words passed over him like clouds in the wind, and that roar filled his lungs once more. The future could not come quick enough.

Pain didn't matter anymore. Tactics, strategy, fear, the machinations of Nerv and the shadow of his father, were nothing.

Shinji would kill it.

He'd rip its miserable life away just at had done to so many thousands this very day. Japanese blood had been shed and every drop would be avenged.

"Shinji, withdraw. That is an order!" Misato's voice, now faintly alarmed, remained as distant as ever, pushed away by whatever monster hid in the corner of Shinji's heart. It wanted blood and it would get it.

Kill. Some primordial part of his mind spat.

He obeyed.

Shinji charged, the ground shaking beneath each of Unit 01's mighty footfalls. Godlike strength pumped through his veins, and the boy sank back into relishing every moment of it on a primal level.

Countryside and concrete whistled past as in a matter of seconds he had re-entered Nakisawame proper. Unit 01's armoured boots splashed in the mush of the 5th Seraph's handiwork, splattering more gore on the city's buildings.

The Seraph had just made a swish of its tendril, causing a line of people some few hundred in number to disintegrate, then paused and looked over its shoulder to see the Eva charging towards it. There was no surprise in its eyes, only a gleam of delight.

Took you long enough, you pathetic child. Let us test your mettle, killer of Ierfr, spawn of those who took my boys and my Ingrid. Lazily, it gave one final, spiteful swish to extinguish another hundred lives, then advanced to meet him.

It approached slowly. Tendrils swished through the air as the Seraph appeared untroubled by fire from remaining military forces, or the utter wrath in its primary foe. A part of Shinji's mind, unclouded by blood lust and fury, noted to some satisfaction that those trapped had a window to escape now. Already he could see soldiers ushering people by the dozens, then hundreds, out of his enemy's makeshift pen.

As the two were almost upon each other, the Seraph slashed out with both its whips, cutting a great x shaped gash in Unit 01's grey chest plate. Shinji hissed in pain, and he felt the tug of instinct to roll out of the way, but he was much too angry for that.

To the Seraph's surprise, Shinji ploughed straight into it. Their H-Field's slammed together and mutually cancelled themselves out. The impact let loose a shockwave that shattered every window in Nakisawame. Even the muddy villages of Yokohama heard the clap of this dread thunder.

The enemy tried to back away, slashing in a frenzy, but Shinji got his arm around the beast's head. Chitin crunched and snapped from how hard he gripped, and with his free hand Shinji mindlessly stabbed the creature in its fleshy underside again and again. Blue ichor splashed on thick red, as now it was the enemy's turn to have its blood run like a river.

The Seraph roared and bucked as it tried to shake him off, but Shinji refused to stop. Shops, apartment blocks, streets, all collapsed in the wake of the monstrous clash as Shinji tried oh so very hard to take the fight as far away from Nakisawame as he could.

The Seraph reared back and crashed its head into Shinji's ruined shoulder. He cried out and staggered. His grip slipped.

Ah, is your shoulder hurt little human? What a pity…

A moment was all the Seraph needed. It slashed at and gutted Unit 01's belly, then flicked both its tendrils up. The Eva's jaw detached from its head.

Shinji howled as he stumbled back, further hammered by an abrupt blast of the enemy's reconstituted H-Field. He careened through Nakisawame and almost toppled over but managed to steady himself on a hapless skyscraper. Shinji's hands trembled as he touched his jaw, desperately reminding himself that it was still there.

It's all in your head. It's all in your head.

His momentary awareness caused him to look behind and see that his passengers had both passed out from the shock of pain. A pang of bizarre concern shot through his heart, but he didn't have time. The Seraph wanted to kill him and get back to its hobby of slaughter; he could not allow it.

Some seven hundred metres away, the enemy paused and assessed itself, surprised but not perplexed or frightened by its injuries. A waterfall of blue ichor streamed from its chest, and its head armour was cracked and chipped with more of its alien blood trickling out.

It fixed its black eyes on Shinji, this time hatred mixed in with the look of a cat that had caught a mouse.

Under its headpiece, where it connected to the main body, a hole appeared to open. Black and filled with teeth, it was still flecked with whatever liquid it had spewed out earlier.

The hole moved and a voice boomed like a thunderstorm.

"Jald."

The panicked cries of Nakisawame's people suddenly fell silent in shock. Even on the radio chatter a hush descended.

Good.

Again, that brutal slap to the forehead that made Shinji wince.

The Seraph straightened up. Its tendrils made a spinning motion.

"Jaldrgung."

Very good.


As if a monster from a horror film, needle like legs, dozens of them, uncurled from beneath the lower part of the Seraph's body. They stabbed into the ground and thundered like a canon shot from the impact.

It crawled forward like some kind of demonic centipede, quickly and with whips trailing behind it. Shinji knew that his foe had just thrown off any pretence of playing with its food and now, with joy, saw this as a fight to the death.

Good. That primal part of his mind snarled. Come to me and die.

Shinji quickly thought of the ways he could kill it. To his slight shame, he was grateful the thoughts of the other boys could no longer jumble his own.

Then, glinting in the light of the midday sun, he saw it.

His frantic stabbing had hacked away a chunk of flesh and bone, revealing a navy-blue gem embedded in the Seraph's chest.

There was the mortal wound. Just as Sachiel had fallen so would this one.

Shinji knew what to do.

He gripped his prog knife with both hands and charged, bracing himself for whatever pain would come from the laceration of the enemy's whips. The Seraph immediately slashed at Unit 01's throat. It opened the Eva's larynx and cut all the way to the spine. Shinji gagged at the phantom flood of blood in his airways, but still hit the enemy with his good shoulder.

The Seraph didn't budge, "feet" dug in to provide firmer footing. It was like striking a brick wall and Shinji swore he could feel bone shatter, but he thrust all the same. The blade cut through skin and muscle, and the Seraph growled, but he hadn't struck the core.

Shinji was barraged with multiple pulses of the enemy's H-Field, finding himself pushed back and only just ducking another slash at his head. His enemy coiled a tendril around an apartment block and tore the roof off to throw at him. It continued to do this in a barrage of debris. The first few projectiles struck home even though Shinji tried to avoid them; the rest he wilfully blocked with his own body, realising that even if it missed, the Seraph still hurled missiles in the general direction of trapped civilians.

He staggered, then once more reached within himself to push out with his Field. In a flash, the enemy's projectiles harmlessly disintegrated into clouds of dust against a wall of red lightning.

In these few merciful seconds of respite, Shinji's dove into the depths of memory to find any bit of information he could use. Panic niggled at his fury for a worrying moment, until his absentee Gods lit a light in his head.

How I…it…killed Sachiel…he thought of the fuzzy recording he'd seen of the battle against the 4th, of how his Eva had taken on a mind of its own and used trickery and the enemy's own strength against it. The Seraph, with its Field down and armour cracked had been straightforwardly run through with a makeshift spear of steel.

This one's armour is cracked. What can I use?

The Seraph came for him again, pulsing with its own field to neutralise his own. As he braced to fight again, to suffer more pain, Shinji caught a glint of sunlight.

A skyscraper, knocked down in their battle, still had its foundations in place. Mighty steel support beams jutted out of the mound of concrete, built to withstand earthquakes and even limited artillery barrage.

Shinji grit his teeth.

That'll have to do.

The Seraph sliced at Unit 01's throat to fully decapitate, but this time Shinji was ready. He caught the tendril and gripped tight despite the burning. He screamed as he pulled, and the tendril nastily jolted with a crack. The Seraph roared in agony, wobbled off balance, and exposed its gleaming blue jewel for a split second.

Shinji would have made do with less.

He surged forward in a crouch, using his grip on the tendril to pull himself. The Seraph's free tendril desperately slashed out at him, opening Unit 01's stomach. Nausea pumped through Shinji's veins as he felt something slip out of his abdomen, but he pushed on. The blade glinted in the midday sun as it cut through the air…then straight into the Seraph's beating heart: its Manmitsu Organ.

Shinji buried the prog knife up to its hilt for good measure.

The enemy paused for a moment, air being pushed out of its mouth as if in a gasp, before it snarled. It brought its full weight down on him and stabbed both tendrils into the Eva's already open stomach. Shinji felt white hot heat curl around his boiling intestines and stomach, and then the sickening tug as they were slowly torn free. The Seraph's warm, heavy body pushed down on him as if it were the sky itself. Royal blue blood gushed down on his face.

Shinji gagged, fighting the urge to collapse, or double over. Yet all was going as according to his mess of a plan.

With a final mighty heave, Shinji lifted his enemy off its feet for a moment, high into the air, then slammed it on its back into the ruined skyscraper's support beams. Iron pylons punched straight through the Seraph's weakened back; one crashed through its core. It jolted its head back and let loose an ear-piercing scream.

After a few agonising seconds of struggle, the Seraph lost its strength and calm descended. Its grip on Unit 01's innards slackened, and it gave what sounded like a pained sigh, flecked with blood.

so this is what it's like?

A cruel, low laugh reverberated through Shinji's skull.

Slain by a whimpering child? I'll never hear the end of this in Slagnhal...see you soon, Ierfr.

That blue jewel in its chest finally cracked. The Seraph went limp. The glow of its whips faded as they slipped out of Unit 01's abdomen.

Shinji relinquished his grip and slumped to his knees, panting hard.

It was dead.

The adrenaline ebbed away and the pain, the throbbing in his shoulder and the burning laceration across his body, hit him like a wall. Anger slipped its grasp, and fear and horror finally broke free. Shinji started trembling.

Then the wails started.

Screams for loved ones, children, parents, friends, echoed across the grave that Nakisawame had become. Some soldiers called for stretchers whilst others ripped off their helmets and all but dived into the crowds, in vain looking for their kin.

Surrounded by a sea of muddy crimson, covered in a similar substance, and with the lamentations of thousands pouring into his ears, Shinji Ikari buried his face into his shaking hands and wept.


Author's note:

Well, so ends the life of Grisca.

And bugger, bugger, bugger, I got a little mixed up as to the current status of Yokohama. In another chapter I'd marked it as a reef whereas it should be muddy, but far from underwater land thanks to the great damming initiatives of the late 2000s and early 2010s. So yes, Yokohama region has been somewhat re-inhabited by 2017, although it is only a few villages. Old Tokyo itself remains a memorial to the dead of the Eruption, much like Kyoto is to those who died in the Third Sino-Japanese War.
 
Chapter 37: The Mask drops
"Whenever I look into the eyes of a child, I don't see a young boy or girl anymore. Now there is only an adult, forced to grow up much too fast. That bothers me." Princeps Horatius Aurelian.

XXXVII

They'd lead him from the cages by the arms, that much he could remember. Everything had seemed to pass in a haze as armour was removed, questions were asked, a shower had, and he was eventually left in the changing rooms to "wait for the Director." Toji and Kensuke, who'd come around in time to see him cry, were lead off by armed security the moment the plug's hatch had cracked open, so he sat alone.

Shinji wasn't sure if he'd blinked. He'd hunched over on the bench, hands fiddling together as he still felt so wet and sticky with gore. The stench of meat and death clogged his nostrils. His jaw burned.

It's just sympathetic. It-it's all phantom. Your jaw hasn't really been cut off. You aren't actually covered in…blood…

But what he'd seen had been real enough. And the cruel slaughter danced before Shinji's eyes as phantom screams and a malicious chuckle echoed through his mind.

My fault…

He ran his hands over his face. Salty moisture covered his palms.

My stupid fucking fault.

The sound of the door sliding open cut his introspection short. Shinji stared into the floor as footsteps, light but firm, drew nearer. A shadow loomed over him, one he recognised as a woman's.

Oh. Hello Misato.

She took a deep, shaky, sigh. Shinji tried to detect feeling from it. Was it anger, or exhaustion? He couldn't tell.

"Your old man wants me to chew you out for insubordination." She said, quietly. "Disobeying a direct order, all that kind of crap. On all accounts I should…only problem is, I'd have done the same in your position."

At that, Misato gently eased herself down onto the bench. She sat closely, but not too closely.

"I…I can't imagine, what's going through your mind right now."

Shinji said nothing. He chose to further fiddle with his hands instead. It took every ounce of his strength not to shy away.

"You should know you're not alone." Out of the corner of Shinji's eye, he noted Misato reach for the cross around her neck and clasp it. At that he promptly dismissed any notion of her not knowing what he was going through.

"I don't think anyone in Nerv is going to be sleeping well tonight. Least of all you." She went on. "But that does bring me to my point, and I'm sorry that I have to make it, Shinji-kun. I really am."

She took a deep breath. "You saw what that thing did today. How many it killed. That's why we cannot afford to lose you. You were a damn hero today in my books, but if you'd gotten yourself killed?"

Misato let the question hand for a moment before continuing. "It would have been the end for us. For all of us."

There it was. The only reason she was deigning to have this conversation with him. He was the spare, the only thing they had thanks to accident. And once his father's pet had fully recovered its health, he'd be thrown aside.

He involuntarily snorted a laugh at that.

"Something funny?" Misato said.

"That's the only reason my death would matter, isn't it? That I pilot that thing badly." Shinji felt the words come even though he didn't want them.

"…Shinji-kun…"

"Don't bullshit me!" Shinji snarled. "That's the only reason we're having this talk, right!?" He stood up abruptly, running a hand through hair he wanted to rip out as he paced. "I mean, why the fuck would you care otherwise? Why would anyone care? I'm a stranger, a spiteful, bitter, selfish, stranger that just got all those people killed. That's all I'm good at!"

He slammed his fist into a locker, ignoring the metal denting from the impact. Shinji breathed heavily before he continued.

"So, don't bother lying anymore, Katsuragi-san. Chew me out, discipline me, tell me what a callous pile of shit I am. Tell me what you really think of me. Just be honest. I'll pilot Unit 01 and hurt more people until Ayanami-san's better, don't worry about that. I'm good at that."

Finally, he turned back to look at Misato, expecting to see the mask fall and a cold expression to cut into him. She might even hit him to press his uselessness home, but he'd deserve it.

But he didn't see any coldness in those brown eyes. Instead, he saw something else that rocked him to his core.

"…is that what you think?" Misato's face fell. Finally, Shinji grasped the sheer gravity of his mistake. She looked genuinely hurt, to the point that she shied away a little.

"Katsuragi-san…I…I…" He turned away and stewed in his own self-hatred. "Like I said, all I'm good at is hurting people. It really is for the best that I'm gone soon."

"Shinji-kun, that isn't true-"

"Yes it is!" He snapped. "It really should have all sunk in by now! Teacher did his best to beat it into me and I still didn't get it until today."

The rage finally ebbed, and he slumped against the wall. Exhaustion, grief and horror reasserted their control. He dropped his gaze again and allowed the tears to flow.

"I can't get anything right…I…I can't…I'm cursed. Death just follows me everywhere I go."

Shinji didn't need to look up to see the helplessness in Misato's eyes.

"Y-You know I've been in something like that before?" The words started to flow like a river, utterly beyond Shinji's control as he tried to rub the phantom blood off his skin. "Covered in blood and bodies. Back at Fukuyama I had to hide under a corpse pile so the Chinese couldn't find me…I-I don't know how long I was there…but I can still feel it all around me…"

Silence hung like the heaviest lead carpet.

He didn't see the blood drain from Misato's face, nor her mouth hesitantly open and close. But he knew. The compassion of good people was a happily predictable thing.

Shinji heard her stand up and her footsteps echo as she walked towards him. After a moment's pause, she got down on one knee, to be on his height. She attempted to reach out a hand, but paused and retracted it.

"I-I can't stand dirt and the smell of it…" Shinji furiously rubbed his face. "But I'm covered in it all the same. Wherever I go. I'm awful. I reek of it."

"That isn't true-"

"Yes it is! Why else would father just throw me away after mother died…why would he leave me with…" His hands covered his eyes as his body shook.

Misato reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, but he shook it off.

"Don't. Don't bother. I'll only hurt you. Just let me cry this out for a while…"

At that, he looked upwards but not at the ceiling, as if he looked beyond, and drew a deep, shuddering breath.

"Everyone who's nice to me always ends up…" At that he choked up completely. "Oh Gods…Ryusaki-san…" Intelligible Japanese melted away into tears.

Misato put her arms around him.

The energy had gone out of Shinji in its entirety, to the point where he couldn't have pulled away even if he wanted to, so he cried instead.

He cried and cried and cried, ugly sobs wrenching themselves free from his throat. The teenage boy, full of anger and bitterness, had melted away with only the little boy who couldn't do anything right remaining.

Misato just held him, gentle and free of judgement. There were no more questions. Although they were in Levav Base's beating heart she wasn't a superior officer at that moment.

She was his guardian.

She was a friend.

And she cared.

"It's like a hole in your soul, isn't it?" Her voice had become soft. "No matter what you do, it follows you around. And your stupid brain thinks you should feel guilty about it. That you're the bad one for still being here."

The light of thought flickered in Shinji's grief-stricken mind. This was no mere guess as to how he felt, but the intuition of one who understood.

You know…don't you? You've been through it.

At that Shinji cursed himself.

Of course she does you fucking incompetent. She lived through the Eruption.

"It's not your fault, Shinji. Not at all. The Chinese butchered those people in Fukuyama, as the Seraph did today. You survived, and that's no crime."

"But…but…teacher…" He mumbled on impulse.

"Teacher sounded like a vicious piece of shit who is very lucky he's dead." A faint bit of danger etched itself into Misato's tone, but it faded as quickly as it came. All for the better, as Shinji had suddenly got the impression he was being held by an angry bear.

"Now, the doctors always said, whenever I felt like this, to have a cup of tea before doing anything else. That's what we're going to do, if that's alright?" Misato said.

He managed a nod.

"Then we'll go back to my place, and we won't think about this just for the rest of today. Will that do?"

He nodded again.

"Good." She gently helped him to his feet. "You can be a difficult ass sometimes, Shinji-kun. But you aren't a burden to me. It's an honour to have you in my home."

Somehow that meant all the world to him.
 
Chapter 38: Unforeseen
"Plot against the unexpected, because the unexpected is plotting against you." Philippe VIII, King of France

XXXVIII

The monoliths watched in silence. Stunned, terrified, silence.

All eyes remained fixed on the holographic display that stood at the centre of the room; of Unit 01 almost slashed to pieces, of tens of thousands crushed into crimson paste, and the grim malefactor of all this horror.

Gendo kept characteristically silent, the calm in the eye of the hurricane, but beneath that veneer of ice sat a rattled man. In his mind's eye a mushroom cloud billowed, yet even it lay in the Seraph's shadow.

Evil…he would've laughed at his naivety, were it not for the monster they now designated Shamshel. He who had ordered the deaths of hundreds, been party to the deaths of billions, had no business balking at what he'd just seen.

And still I do. His stomach twisted and turned as the scene played out again, as the Seraph leered over its victims and its black eye glittered with glee. That thing was evil. I see it in its eyes. An insatiable desire to hurt.

The deaths he'd had a hand in were all distant affairs, when the numbers made the brain shut down and see it as little more than a spreadsheet. It were as if all the misery he inflicted were merely a dream.

This however?

This was all too real.

Even Kozo, his implacable right hand despite nagging conscience, stood at his side with cheeks devoid of blood.

"Unit 01 and its Pilot's status?" Asked the Archbishop, quietly.

Gendo stirred from his stupor with only a twitch of his eyebrows. "Badly damaged but functional. The pilot is being taken back to his quarters as we speak."

"Good."

The silence descended again for a while.

"How…how can this be?" One of the monoliths, marked 05, found his voice. "The scrolls spoke of the Seraphim being intelligent, but…"

"Sadism comes with intelligence it would seem." Gendo replied with faux nonchalance.

If Unit 01 had been fully overpowered…he fought down the bile that bit at the back of his throat, threatening to rise at the thought of what that creature might have done to his company's most valuable asset…and his only child.

Forgive me, Shinji.

"At least now you all understand the urgency of my request." Gendo tore his mind away from his crying son and back to business. "We have sustained two enemy assaults and came to the brink each time. We are on the brink at this very moment. The scrolls have ordained many things, foretold much, but we will not reach Rapture if the Seraphim kill us all first. I need those reinforcements. Now."

He was initially answered with silence, but Gendo took that as a blessing. At least some of those monoliths, those zealots with money and power, would side with him as the truth sank in.

The Archbishop sighed deeply. "You shall have your reinforcements. We will use all we can to accelerate their arrival."

"Thank you, Excellency." Gendo bowed his head in half genuine gratitude. Truthfully, he'd feared the man would "trust to God" and let things play out for just a little longer. The pragmatist had fortunately won through in the end, however, and for that Gendo was thankful.

Yet his Machiavellian mind couldn't help but nag.

Among those means will be slipping agents in among those reinforcements. Not least those new dreadnoughts which we both know are crewed by your fanatics. And I am in no position to refuse now.

"In the meantime, I would suggest this footage be leaked to the wider internet if it hasn't already." The Archbishop's tone hardened into one of command. "The public outcry will force the hand of our unwitting puppets."

"Understood." Gendo hid a little smirk.

I'm a little ahead of you, but thank you for agreeing. The NHK's bulletin tonight should make for interesting viewing.

"And see if you can get the military's further cooperation." The Archbishop added.

Gendo's hidden smirk vanished without effort. He wanted to lean back in his seat and sigh. Marshal Motochika was a stubborn mule who'd just used a nuclear warhead in a vain attempt to destroy the enemy. She hadn't listened to him before and it was doubtful she would now.

I might as well argue with a rock.

"I will do my best." Said Gendo.

"Do not lose heart, Ikari." It sounded like the Archbishop was smiling gently. "After today, when even nuclear fire has failed, the Marshal will understand that she is helpless without you. The political blowback from the use of a Weapon of Mass Destruction on your homeland soil will also make her position…awkward. Too awkward, perhaps, to openly refuse working with you."

"Perhaps you are right." Gendo mulled it over, unable to deny his hand had been strengthened by the days events.

All fair points. Perhaps I could wrangle a concession or two out of her…

"We have our influence in the Japanese Parliament as well." Said the monolith marked 07. "A few dozen MPs could add some extra weight to whatever request you make of her."

"That would be of use." Gendo nodded, keeping the acid from his tone.

First thing you've ever done for me or Shinji you old bastard.

"Have it done, 07." The Archbishop commanded, before turning his attention back to Gendo. "There remains your other asset, Ikari. You have no further choice. The First Child must be activated again."

Gendo steeled his expression. "Understood."

"If it dies you are cleared to make another. Proceed immediately." The Archbishop said. "As you say, we need the manpower."

The connection cut before anything more can be said.

"…it…" Gendo breathed in deeply through his nose and balled his fist.

"What was that about not getting attached?" Kozo gently mocked.

Gendo grunted at that, then leaned forward, took off his glasses, and massaged his eyebrows. A headache gnawed at the outer reaches of his awareness.

Forgive me, Rei.

Allowing himself a second of remorse, he put it from his mind and focused on the task at hand.

"In half an hour, recall Rei to the Medical Ward for a final check out. Make it plain to Tenka that she is being discharged regardless of lingering wounds."

"Yes, sir…why half an hour, might I ask?" Kozo tilted his head.

"She'd requested to take a look at the battlefield." Gendo replied quietly. "I permitted her. I think…I think she had to see it with her own eyes."

"As you wish." Kozo said, obedient yet with a hint of disapproval.

"Good. After that, prepare the firewalls and pull the Marshal away from whatever shouting match she's having with whatever hapless subordinate. I need to speak with her."

"Very well. Will that be all?"

"No. One last thing." Gendo ran a hand through his greying hair. "Sake. Strong."


Author's note:

In reference to a gentleman in Fanfic's review section, who believes us to be only about a third of the way through, fret not! For "Arrival" the Grisca battle marks the halfway point.
 
Chapter 39: The value of a life
"The worst thing about a battle is how quiet the dead are." Marshal Chiso Motochika, introduction of her biography of the Siege of Osaka

XXXIX

So many.

Rei Ayanami looked up and down the crimson street. All was red, not a hint of cream, brown, or black remaining. Even the sun on those tattered hinomaru flags had become indistinguishable from what was white. Grey ashes lay like mild snowfall atop the gore, all that remained of the Seraph's vaporised victims.

The CEO had given her a curious glance when she'd asked to see it. Rei had got even stranger looks from the Kempeitai and Nerv Security that had closed off the area, or combed it for survivors.

She wasn't sure herself why she had come. But something had dragged her here all the same and Rei had found herself powerless to disobey.

It is irrational. I have witnessed death before. This shouldn't matter.

Her shoes squelched in the new "mud" as she picked her way through the mess. Rei trod with care; vehicles had been smashed to pieces as well, so sharp shards of steel and glass hid within the crimson mush.

Rei felt her skin crawl. The sound was all wrong.

How can a sound be wrong? A sound is only a sound. Value is conferred on it by the listener. It has none of its own…

There was a snap.

Rei looked down. A shattered bit of rib lay beneath her shoe. A remnant of torn clothing clung to it.

Her brain processed the mess in a heartbeat.

Skeletal remnants small and undeveloped. A child. Female.

A new sensation tickled the back of her throat: bile.

Rei initially dismissed it and tried to continue her survey, but the feeling became worse and worse. Inexorably, she doubled over and vomited.

Rei breathed gently for a full minute, waiting for the nausea to pass, then straightened up.

Unacceptable performance. I shall consult Dr Akagi.

Why? Why do that? Why waste valuable bodily fluid over a state all things would return too, usually in far greater pain? Frustration bit at her.

Unacceptable…

She carried on up the street, replaying the event that left this mess over and over in her mind. The enemy's ferocity and strength had caught everyone, even the old men Gendo plotted against, off guard. But it was the glee with which the Seraph had butchered that lodged itself in her thoughts.

Why would it do that? Phantom screams still seemed to echo in this place. These were unarmed, defenceless. More an encumbrance to us than they could ever be to it. Yet it still killed them for…is "sport" the right word?

She checked herself there.

No. Not just sport. It deliberately provoked the CEO's son into attacking it. As if…it enjoyed his reaction. His pain.

At that her mind drifted back to the boy who'd saved her life and now hated her. From what she'd seen as he was hauled out of the entry plug, he had become almost catatonic. His eyes widened and trembled as if forever a deer stuck in the headlights.

Rei felt a sinking feeling in her chest. She didn't know what to make of the CEO's son, perhaps even feared him just a little, but she wouldn't wish that on him.

It would impact his performance in battle. Unacceptable. She told herself, yet her sky blue eyebrows knitted together.

Why can I not believe myself?

So many feelings she couldn't make sense of bubbled and boiled in her stomach like a cauldron ready to overflow. Rei knew of their existence, had read about them in a dictionary, but now they had her in their grip she couldn't understand them.

There was screaming. The Kempeitai were dragging an old woman away. She helplessly wailed as she clawed at the muck.

"Please! My husband! My husband!"

Rei frowned a little. From her very brief observations of the Kempeitai in action, they'd always taken to physical restraint with gusto.

That was obvious to many, but Rei saw it on a more fundamental basis. All living creatures generated a Hawking-Field, which waxed and waned in accordance with their mental states.

And she could see them.

Sheltered though she was, Rei had still seen enough of Motochika's hounds plying their trade. Their H-fields would sizzle and sing as they sank their teeth into a new victim, but not today.

At that moment they were silent, unmoving, hollow.

For some reason that troubled her.

The Kempeitai were versed in death. Few understood the inevitability of life's curse better, yet here they were gentle. Here they only pulled the woman away instead of hammering her with blows until she obeyed.

Why does it matter? Rei again cast her gaze around the gory sight. Was it not the fate of all to die in pain and in fear? It had come sooner for those here than anticipated, but they were to die all the same. The old woman, as much as she wailed, would have lost her husband anyway, would have had her own failing H-Field irreparably ripped and torn.

What did it matter if it were now?

why does it hurt?

Further up the street, the smashed and burning hulks of Japanese tanks lay silently among the dead. Around them some distinct corpses could be made out. Their navy-blue uniforms somehow stuck out through the red mud.

Although they lay in a thin line, some other islands of blue were dotted among the crimson sea. Despite falling back from the line in their last moments, they all faced forward, and none had their backs turned.

They would have saved themselves if they retreated. It would have made no difference. Strange.

She looked a little closer, seeing some corpses more intact than others. They'd been the ones merely incinerated by the Seraph's whips, or bisected. One, a younger soldier, stared up at the sky with glazed over eyes.

If I die, I can be replaced. But only when necessary. She stared long and hard at the burnt-out husks. Fires crackled and wind whipped; an echo of the atmospheric disturbance caused by the Seraph wielding its mighty Field.

Would I have done the same in their position? Some jets rocketed overhead, briefly catching her attention. I would sacrifice for the CEO, for his vision, but not for another life fated to die anyway. What would be the point?

Ahead, a truck drove by, carting up remains for disposal. The driver's H-field barely appeared at all.

Rei had to breathe in deeply, and a moistness touched at her red eyes she'd never felt before. She rubbed and felt the faint burn of salt on her skin.

I am crying…why?

She knew no one here and now never would.

A defect. I shall consult the CEO on this matter.

Lost in thought, she twitched when her cell phone began to ring. Rei took it from her pocket then flipped it open and held it to her ear.

"Rei." Came the CEO's voice.

"Sir." She stiffened out of instinct and fought down the urge to salute.

"You are needed in the Medical Ward for final discharge. Tenka wants to run a few more tests before then."

Rei quietly exhaled.

Was that a sigh?

"He performs his duty. He does not understand your nature as well as I do." Gendo said.

"Yes, sir. I will return immediately." Rei snapped the phone shut.

I could have fought today. She flexed her formerly shattered fingers and arm. Pain tugged, but movement was adequate. Keeping me off duty was a mistake. The enemy came too close to success. The Scenario was jeopardised.

She trudged back to the cordon. Crimson splashed at her white socks and the squelch of gore sent her stomach into inexplicable somersaults. Encountering some of Director Katsuragi's men in their cream uniform and red berets, she flashed her ID card and passed by without so much as a word.

Just before she set foot back in the land of living, Rei cast one last look at the sea of the dead.

Once these had been people; teachers, doctors, salarymen, old and young, parent and child. Eighty thousand H-Fields had once flickered here.

Now they had all been mashed into a formless, gory one. An endless, serene red sea, absent of life or flickering light.

Rei turned and walked away.
 
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