So You've Been Summoned By A Goddess: An Isekai Joint

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    • Hail to the queen, baby.

    [X] Ashley Campbell
    [X] Surprise me
    [X] Yes

    @@@

    Your name is Ashley Campbell, and that's pretty groovy.

    Sure, screwheads thought it was girly, but that never bothered you.

    Okay, it did, but only because you wanted to be a girl so bad.

    You were an all-American buffet of manliness: dirty blond hair, square jaw, cleft chin, chiseled body with broad shoulders. When your Japanese clients described an American, they described you.

    Men feared you, women lusted for you. Until they learned about your crocheting. Saw the frilly pink pillows, full size mascot dolls and handmade Gothic Lolita fashion you love like a child.

    Then they hated you. Called you things not fit for a message board, but standard on an image board. They shunned you, mocked you, treated you like a pariah until they needed your services.

    Except for Nico.

    You wonder how Nico's doing. They were on an overseas job last you heard, doing mercenary work. Which sucked; they were your best client in the cleaning business.

    But there was a lot to clean in Shura-cho, Japan. Place was filthy.

    You'd been cleaning up after bloody idols recently; they paid you in free tickets and merch. And unmarked bills, of course.

    You got to go backstage once, see the effort it took to make mortal girls into idols. The primping, the preening. The transformation. You wanted that. You wanted to live that. You wanted to be beautiful, you wanted to be loved.

    Nico got to.

    Now you can, too.

    "I'll help you, Ariel." Your voice is husky, but an octave higher than the cigarette and whiskey drawl you remember. You look at the goddess that saved you, she doesn't look like one.

    She's short, for one thing. Really short. If you were still a guy, you could probably pick her up one-handed. And she's wearing a plain, grey dress suit and skirt with hose.

    Those hose have galaxies scrolling across them, but still.

    You frown. She frowns at you frowning.

    "...You were expecting someone taller?" Ariel says.

    Your face speaks for you.

    Ariel summons a chair from the ether and sits, cross-legged and fuming. "What does size matter, anyway? Who cares if gods and goddesses grow and shrink with their faith?! Not me! I do my job well so it doesn't bother me at all Inanna's all "wow" and her boobs are all "pow". It's just tawdry fanservice!"

    "Did I strike a nerve?"

    "NO YOU DIDN'T!" The virgin white realm you're in quakes, angry red veins flash like lighting.

    You don't flinch, you've seen worse. "Aren't you and her friends?"

    "That just makes it worse," Ariel screams, pounding her tiny fists on armrests made of gilded bone. "She teases me endlessly and when I get mad, she's all 'it's just friendly banter'!" She pouts like a child. "Stupid trashy goddess..."

    You stifle a giggle.

    She glares at you, face embarrassed red. You feel like you're in a trash compactor.

    "Sorry," you choke, "that was really cute."

    The pressure subsides. Ariel's face is red for a different reason. "Aw shucks."

    You heave a sigh of relief. "So, can I see my new body?"

    "Oh, right," Ariel says, flustered. She tears a thin black line in the air. It unfurls into an oval mirror, glimmering quicksilver. There's a faint static hiss as the mirror flows into being. The static cuts and you see yourself.

    You have been cast in the form of your idol among idols, Helena Hex.

    You're a good foot shorter; you were well over six feet before. Everything feels closer, more down to earth. Where once you were hard and rugged, you're soft and plush. Your formerly tight lips are full and bloody red. Your cleft chin is gone, a beauty mark under your lip in its place. Your short, dirty blond hair has turned into waves of raven black. It covers your face, cascading down your back. Your olive skin is porcelain white, your narrow blue eyes are wide and hypnotic.

    You still have your old bags, though. But you can live with that, given your new jugs.

    "Oh dear, I forgot to give you clothes," Ariel frets. "I wanted to get your body just right and please stop playing with your boobs while I'm talking."

    You squeeze them together, they feel like God's own plushies. "But they're so fuuuun! And huge! There's even Helena Hex's mole!"

    Ariel furrows her brow. "To think your desires were so...base." She turns her head. "You're just like Inanna."

    "Sorry," you cover yourself. "I'm just so," you turn around, marveling at soft curves and smooth thighs in the mirror. "...Wow."

    "I'm glad you like it," she mumbles. "This Hex person is special to you, yes?"

    "How did you know?"

    "I'm a goddess, silly. Mine powers are beyond mortal ken." You see Ariel hide a flyer for Helena Hex's Maniax behind her back. She must have gotten it off you when you were summoned.

    You cradle your chest and shiver. "It's kinda chilly in here."

    Ariel looks enviously at your chest. "I can see that." She weaves nebulae around you, their touch is electric.

    When she finishes, you're in a Gothic Lolita dress, all purple velvet and black lace. It fits like a gossamer glove, feels like a second skin. Your partner, a shocking pink chainsaw loaded with charms and stickers, rests happily on your bubble butt.

    "...I designed this," you gasp, softly running your fingers along the material. "For Helena Hex. I was going to mail it to her."

    Ariel smiles, small and proud. "Well now you get to see how it fits."

    Your fingers trace the contours of your partner. It's cool, dependable and strong. As a man should be.

    You sniffle, knees weak with emotion. "I don't know how to thank you."

    "It's the least I can do for helping me." Ariel caresses your cheek. It's the first human kindness you've felt in months. "Now, I'm sending you over to the TenCo designated summoning waypoint. They'll take over the rest, okay?"

    "Thank you," you say, tears welling up, messing up the mascara that came with this body. "Thank you so much."

    "You're welcome." Ariel kisses you on the forehead. "Good luck."

    Galaxies bloom fractals above you, pulling you up and away. You hug your partner and smile, warm all over. You've been given a new life, a new body and a new purpose. You feel the dirt and the blood of your old world wash away.

    This can't get any better.

    @@@

    "This can't get any worse!"

    You're running for your life through the halls of a JRPG castle. Paintings of Japanese looking heroes line the walls, judging you. You've been here five minutes and you've already managed to piss off someone important.

    At least you have your partner. If it comes down to it, you'll go back to dirty work.

    You were summoned in front of the Standard Fantasy Princess to get your Standard Fantasy Quest. You'd read enough isekai, played enough JRPGs to know how things went, so you decided to have a little fun.

    The princess's honor guard was not amused.

    You think you saw the ghost of a smile from the princess, though. Before the running and screaming and all.

    [What did you do?]
    [ ] Rejected the princess
    [ ] Kissed the princess
    [ ] Offered your services to the princess
    [ ] German Suplexed the princess
    Adhoc vote count started by FourthWall on May 2, 2019 at 6:18 PM, finished with 6 posts and 6 votes.
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    Adhoc vote count started by FourthWall on May 2, 2019 at 7:58 PM, finished with 9 posts and 8 votes.
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    Adhoc vote count started by FourthWall on May 2, 2019 at 8:39 PM, finished with 10 posts and 9 votes.
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    Adhoc vote count started by FourthWall on May 2, 2019 at 10:05 PM, finished with 12 posts and 11 votes.
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  • Threadmarks
    • [ ] Rejected the princess
    hrrm...Nah, rejecting the rejection, this seems a bit mean-spirited if we know what's up.

    [ ] Kissed the princess
    Whoops! Got a little too familiar there MC-chan.

    [ ] Offered your services to the princess
    ...I uhh...I think I'd rather not.

    [ ] German Suplexed the princess
    Pure crack and hilarious, but also hilariously a bad idea. This won't be an easy opponent to defeat.
    ...
    [X] German Suplexed the princess
    Battle-Princess is Best Princess!
     
    [X] German Suplexed the princess

    Is this is a reference, because if it is and I'm guessing right what's being referenced, the reference source is a glorious thing.

    Suplex for Suplex throne.
     
    [X] Rejected the princess
    Yeah...none of these actions look good...oh well, this looks like the most sane...probably.
     
    From Zero Act 1
  • Threadmarks
    • Beast's Road best road.

    [X] German Suplexed the princess

    @@@

    You suplexed the princess.

    Everest-style Deadlift German, just like Thunder Ryu II taught you. Picture perfect bridge and everything.

    Why did you suplex the princess?

    Because pro wrestling is the universal language.

    And because she called you fat.

    You're not fat, you're thick. With two Cs, even!

    You forgot you were wearing a skirt, so you probably gave the guards a show. Hopefully you aren't wearing anything too embarrassing.

    You noticed, before the words and swords came out, that the princess was wearing spats. You recognized the brand, Spanxxx. Nico swore by them.

    Curious.

    No time to be curious; you don't want to be a dead cat now that you have a pussy.

    You've managed to lose most of the knights already; it paid to be a good runner in your line of work. You're still running, since there's no rest for the wicked. Your partner bounces painfully off your tailbone with each stride. Must be because you have a lot more tail in this body.

    Danger sense tingling, you powerslide on red velvet carpet, limboing under the arc of a giant axe. When you get up, you swish your hips, swinging your partner to the ready. You yank the ripcord, it catches the first time like it always does.

    The second strike is a headsman's chop; you parry with your partner. The shock of metal on metal ripples through you, rattling your teeth. The last person to come at you with an axe was a lot smaller. And you were a lot bigger.

    "This is not groovy!" You pull your partner's ripcord again, dare to meet your opponent's eyes.

    They're a knight in white, steam belching plate mail, covered from head to toe. The axe looks at you with an eager eye. You see those eyes a lot in your work. Mad dog eyes, bloodlust eyes.

    You dip and smash the knight with your partner's body. The shock kickstarts it's engines, makes it buzz for you.

    You love that sound.

    You feel your partner more intimately than before. Between being shorter, slighter and squishier, it's manliness has become overwhelming.

    You're ashamed to admit it, but it's exciting. You always enjoy working with your partner, but this is a new kind of play.

    The knight comes at you again and again. You dodge and parry, scooting on your butt. The axe's glancing blows hit like a truck, your hands are already starting to sting. You can barely hold on to your partner

    Sweeping your partner in a defensive arc, you spin into a fighting stance. Your arms feel heavy already, so you brace your partner against your inner thigh. The sensation makes your knees buckle and your back arch, throwing you off balance.

    The knight takes this opportunity to swing again. Tomahawk chop, efficient and mechanical.

    You leap back on spaghetti legs. Your partner brushes your thigh again; you land on one knee with a yelp.

    This is a problem.

    At this rate, you might have to change "partner" to "lover".

    The knight hisses steam as it rests the axe on its shoulder. You notice it's as tall and broad as the wielder.

    "Need moment, yes?" the knight says. Its voice is garbled and vaguely Russian.

    "I'm good," you say, face flushed.

    "Look like princess after diplomacy," the knight says.

    "I don't know what that means," but you have an idea.

    The knight's shoulders slump. "Is best you don't, yes."

    You take a few deep breaths, realize you're sucking wind already. Your boobs are heavy, your center of gravity is all off, and sweat is turning your outfit from comfortable to rapey.

    And to make matters worse, you've got a massive wedgie.

    "Rest is over," the knight says, whipping their axe at your head. "Killing you now, yes?"

    You duck on instinct, the axe whistles overhead. An inch taller and you would've gotten sheared.

    "Man I'm glad I'm a woman," you say, exhaling giddily.

    "Is not bad," the knight says, checking your rush with a sharpened knee. "In this country, anyway."

    "What's it like in other countries?" You pivot and slash at the knight's leg.

    "Is not good, yes. In old country, my sister sold as pet." They stomp on your partner.

    You see red and slug them, tearing off their facemask.

    Sleepy red eyes meet yours, framed by curled, chrome bangs.

    "You're a girl?"

    "Is not bad." She punches you in the gut, the blow lifting you off your feet. Your partner falls to the floor, crying for you.

    You try and transition to a triangle choke, she chokes you instead. You're kissing close. Your panicked breaths bounce off her, back to you. As your vision blurs, you notice her rabbit nose and buck teeth.

    Her face is flat with the boredom of routine. Her nose twitches. "In old country, if I were boy, I would be killed."

    "In my old country, death didn't discriminate." You hope that's a cool enough line to die on.

    "Neither will I." She squeezes like a shop vice, her armor belches steam with a teakettle whine. "Farewell."

    With the last of your strength, you point behind her. "Look...a distraction..."

    You grope for your partner with a foot, find it, and kick it into the stone wall. It howls at a meal it cannot chew, spraying sparks of indigestion.

    The knight tenses, looking behind her. You rabbit punch the rabbit knight, loosening her hold on you. For good measure, you kick your legs back and drive a knee between hers.

    She drops you before dropping.

    You grab your partner, turn it off, and wipe it down with your skirt. "Being a girl is not so bad," you say to the rabbit knight. "If you were a boy, that'd hurt a lot worse."

    You hear heavy footsteps from down the hall, the rank and files must be catching up with you. Wearing your partner like a purse, you duck into a side hallway.

    You bite your lower lip and squee, terror adrenaline turning into cocaine excitement. "That was so cool!" You feel yourself, literally and figuratively. Fights to the death were more Nico's thing; you can see why they got into so many.

    Sure the coast is clear, you dig your wedgie out and adjust your top. You look down your dress to take stock. "Black lace. Neat. Rainbow stockings, too."

    Before you can gawk at Ariel's excellent fashion sense, you notice something else. A man in black moving gear and VR goggles carrying a box that says TenCo. Something tells you that's a very important box. Something else tells you that rabbit knight isn't going to stay down from a low blow forever.

    [What do you do?]
    [ ] Stealthily follow the moving man. Maybe he can lead you to people who won't try to kill you.
    [ ] Strike up a conversation with the moving man. It looks like he knows his way around.
    [ ] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.
    [ ] Ignore him and find an exit. You don't know where to go, but you have to get the hell out of here.
    Adhoc vote count started by FourthWall on May 3, 2019 at 12:18 PM, finished with 14 posts and 10 votes.
    • [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.
      [X] Stealthily follow the moving man. Maybe he can lead you to people who won't try to kill you.
      [X] Strike up a conversation with the moving man. It looks like he knows his way around.
      -[x] and steal his googles too.
    Click to expand...

    Adhoc vote count started by FourthWall on May 5, 2019 at 1:25 AM, finished with 12 posts and 11 votes.
    Click to expand...
     
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  • Threadmarks
    • [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.

    I gotta be honest I have no idea what is going through our protagonists's head.
     
    ...We apparently have what I think is a Chain-saw for a weapon. Okay. Sure.
    [X] Strike up a conversation with the moving man. It looks like he knows his way around.
    Let's be sneaky if we can manage that. Because I don't think we're up for making a Massacre of the Royal Knights, even ignoring that's a terrible idea.
     
    [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.

    ...are we a weapon to surpass Metal Gear?
     
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    [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.
     
    [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.
     
    [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.
     
    [X] Steal the box and his clothes. At worst, you have a disguise. At best, you have a disguise and a shiny new toy.

    As my fellow Hivemind declared, what the fudge is going on :<
     
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