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Shimmer, Glimmer, & Gleam - A Quest of Loss & Gain

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Welcome back, Morrowlark! Glad to see you've managed to escape the grip of a hyperfixation. Always feels like a bit of a letdown in the moment, but it is nice to be able to behave semi-normally about stuff again.

[X] Your ability to compartmentalize some romantic feelings

Morrowlark said:
Like clockwork, just fuckin', right out the gate, I do not understand why this happens. If anyone would care to muster an explanation of what about my work seems particularly feminine or particularly transfeminine I would be greatly aided in my ongoing existential crisis by such a thing.
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Well, I've got a few suspicions for why this keeps happening. In no particular order:

1. When it comes to writing about trans women, the bar is in hell. Look no further than Emilia Perez getting thirteen Oscar nominations, or everything about The Silence of the Lambs not involving Hannibal Lecter, or every single goddamn comedy in the English-speaking world for a number of decades. A lot of us just fundamentally don't believe we'll be treated with humanity, let alone decency, by anyone besides our sisters. This is false, but not something every transfem knows is false. So when you write a girl like Jill who's a complete human being, not a monster, a tragedy, or a punchline, that gets some people's wires crossed.

2. Your work has a thoughtfulness about gender to it that's not super common even among trans people and is distinctly rare among cis people. That kind of willingness to explore, to rediscover everything from scratch, is a rare pleasure. If you'll forgive my speculation, figuring out what the hell gender even is seems like it may have been a project of your own at some point, if at a younger age than Orchid's.

3. IDK, just vibe misreading? Like how some guys with gay voice are totally straight and they just talk that way?
 
[x] Your ability to compartmentalize some romantic feelings

Good to see both you and the quest's signature mechanic back in action, Morrow.
 
[X] Your ability to compartmentalize some romantic feelings


Well, hopefully he remembers that we tried to be helpful when he has time to calm down, and if we're lucky he'll shut up about the whole thing with the kids.
 
[X] Your ability to compartmentalize some romantic feelings

Fuck it we ball again. Let's get some feels up in here! (this will lead to some sort of yuri, we just don't know what.)
 
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Where The Heart Is 13: Droppin' No Eaves New
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    • So here's the thing. The thing. It's a perfectly normal thing. So normal. Absolutely normal. There is nothing wrong with you. It's just that if Orchid enters your eyeline or earshot you pay a lot of attention to it. Definitely normal, right? You're not obsessed, you've just got a tiny bit of a crush and also Orchid is an important community leader and kinda doesn't completely know how to take care of itself and it also tends to bounce around a lot but you don't wanna stare so if it doesn't catch you looking it's fine right?

    Normal things.

    So Orchid's walking past and it catches Sasha, and the two of them stop to talk, so you sorta stoop over and attend to your planting reaaaaaaaal slooooooowlike.

    Absolutely normal behavior.

    "Hey, if I ask a question will you tell me if it's gonna be a three-hour kinda explanation?" Orchid asks. Presumably Sasha nods or something here, because it continues. "I'm a little hazy on people having two names."

    "This a good time to tell you I've got like four? Sasha Gertrude Michelle Miller." You risk a glance upwards and see Sasha tweak Orchid's nose; your friend blushes, but instead of breaking away it turns its head sharply and nips Sasha's hand with a grin. Sasha hisses in surprise, but she blushes rather more fiercely than Orchid does. "Okay, shitter," Sasha teases, ruffling Orchid's hair. "The full explanation is like, a fuckin' undergrad degree or some shit, but the real short version is that one of 'em is a family name."

    There's a long kinda 'ohhhh' sound from Orchid. "And since I wasn't...born...into a family and everyone here has different family names I just don't have one. I think I get it. But if I want one how do I get one?"

    Sasha shrugs. "Make one up? You could always ask someone for theirs - actually." Oh gods your stomach is doing flip-flops, you look down at your planting quickly. "Uh. That's gonna sound like a cutesy marriage proposal unless you phrase it real carefully, so um. I dunno, be awkward as hell or just wait for 'em to misunderstand, pick your poison."

    "Noted," Orchid says sagely. "...Thanks, Sasha. I'll let you finish getting ready."

    Sasha goes to walk off and then pauses, half-turning. "Hey," she says kinda Too Casually while you sit there Utterly Fucking Paralyzed. "If I said I might want some...one second I gotta calibrate this for your levels of fuckin' autism and amnesia..."

    "Sasha!"

    "You point to your brain scan and show me where the lie is! Anyway, uh. You wanna fuck before I leave tomorrow?"

    Mentally, and physically, you take a deep breath.

    Solely mentally, you scream extremely loudly.

    "I've got plans with Jill," Orchid says, and you overanalyze the tone. It's not apologetic exactly, and it's not smug, it's more like, fuck, it's a, 'sorry to let down my friend' kinda tone? "And you get to eat your words about getting proper sleep, so I'm not staying up extra late. Alright?"

    Don't punch the air. Don't cheer. You just gotta step over to the next row and -

    - slip in the dirt, your blade turning on the soft earth, and only do not faceplant in the mixture of soil and glass because Orchid is freakishly, concerningly, sexily fast. "Jill! You okay?"

    "Yep. Mmhm. I'm fine," you lie, and then you keep lying, "just wasn't paying attention, thanks for...you gonna...pick me up?" Sasha snorts a laugh. "Not now Sasha!"

    "Grow a spine and just fuck it nasty style," Sasha sings out, as she walks away. "Nasty styyyyyllleeeeee!"

    Orchid helps haul you up and offers a shoulder to escort you off the soil for now. You take a heavy seat on a half-unpacked crate and bury your head in your hands with a long-suffering groan. Orchid, for its part, punches you in the shoulder.

    Wait fucking what -

    "What in the gods' jockstraps was that for?" you demand, rubbing your arm.

    "You're being confusing," Orchid says. "Why're you embarrassed? Explain."

    "I can't -"

    "You can. You might be the smartest person here. You can." You open your mouth to protest, and see its eyes, staring at your face. And you don't know what that expression is, on Orchid. If it was on that Captain Young you would say contempt, or amusement, or maybe a sorta hot but very evil vaguely predatory sexual interest, but none of those fit your friend. So you swallow hard, and you think.

    And...

    "...It's...childish, to nurse this, this crush on my rescuer," you admit in a small voice. "Like I'm some damsel in distress. People even call you by a knightly title, how'm I supposed ta...I mean. I'm an adult, damnit! I pay taxes!"

    "No one pays taxes."

    "I'm an adult, I no longer pay taxes! So it's. Kid stuff, I'm supposed to be a grownup."

    It is at this juncture that Orchid punches your shoulder again and gods does it fucking sting, the arm on this void of gender. "I haven't told anyone that I rescued you from anything," Orchid whispers, its voice hot and offended and raspy here at the bottom of its volume. "As far as they're concerned you're my partner here! Which is what I want you to be! My friend! And if I've just been your knight in shining armor this whole time I think I'm mad about it. And confused. You just summoned a fuckin' god to tell everyone that I get to be what I want. Why do you get to pick what I am?"

    "Orchid -"

    "I'll see you tonight, Jill."

    Lose 1
    [ ] Your appointment this evening
    [ ] Some pride
    [ ] Your hat in the ring of courtship
    [ ] Your sobriety
     
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    • Yeah! Truly this too, is yuri.
    Morrowlark said:
    because Orchid is freakishly, concerningly, sexily fast. "Jill! You okay?"
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    Oh god if this and a later thing I forgot to quote is correct I just realized that Orchid has muscles, too much care for others, and dumbassery. It's the genderless version of a traumatized himbo I love this.

    [X] Some pride

    Listen, we were losing this at some point anyways. Toss it out the window at the first opportunity!
     
    [x] Some pride

    I see that for once the thread is unanimously deciding to do the sensible thing. Who am I to gainsay?
     
    [x] Some pride

    Drop that pride like the poison it is. Orchid doesn't do "casual" anyway. It does intense intimacy, intense loyalty, but not monogamy, and it is time for Jill to enter the real world like the adult she claims to be.
     
    [X] Some pride

    get it, jill.

    get weird with it too. take that knight stuff and get kinky with it i promise it'll be fun-
    dragged offstage by a hook
     
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