Secret Santa Short Story Contest

Some people just have too much time on their hands. I suppose I might be one of them. 🤷

Yeah uh, lot of time, also with short stories I find myself having to often write the entire thing in one go otherwise I lose interest/ it gets hard for me to continue writing- prompting also helps with the speed because it gives me more of a framework to work within than normal.
 
Photomajig's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
I had fun with this. Would benefit from a lot more editing and tinkering, but 's okay. I got in the zone and just wrote out the whole thing, so here we have it.

Iä! He shall come garbed in blood-red and alabaster white, and ye shall know Him by His terrible joy!
-fragment, Codex Hyperborealis, c. 871 AD

I.

The cult made their last stand in the chapel. The strike teams blasted their way in through the crude barricades and makeshift ramparts in a matter of minutes. The cultists huddled in vain behind their grotesque effigies and blood-caked altar as the soldiers took them down. Only the cult's mad leader stood and faced them, chanting his defiance to the last.

"He will come in judgement of you also," the thin, wild-bearded man rasped to the intruders, his hands steeped in dried gore. The bullets silenced him a moment later.

Beth waded into the room once the shooting had died down. The smell of human offal and fresh death wafted forth to greet her, but she'd stuffed her nose already. The scene in the chapel held few surprises for her. She'd been part of these operations long enough to know what to expect. A filthy altar littered with the remains of sacrifices, and a throng of dead acolytes to mark their triumphant victory. Seeing the stunted and squat bodies gave her no satisfaction. They'd been human, once, but that heritage had long since passed from their blood. Around the altar were effigies of their lord and master, each one inconsistent with the last. She studied one for a while, then put out her cigarette against its bulbous cheek.

"I think we're done here," she said into her radio. "Call in the clean-up crew and sanitize the site. With any luck, this was the last of them."

***​

The trip back home was long enough for a full night's sleep, but she didn't catch a wink of it. As the British Isles gave way to the northern Atlantic and the ragged islands scattered over its skin, she could only stare at the northern horizon and shiver.

The cults were a new problem. Certainly they had existed before, as well, but only in the past ten years had they become so numerous and persistent. This one had not claimed more than a dozen victims before they got to it, fortunately. They didn't always get lucky.

Beth watched her breath fog in the September air. Only three months. They were not ready. She knew in her bones that it was going to be bad. Didn't take a prophet to see that. It was getting worse every year.

The entity, as the scientific community liked to call it, manifested each year for a period of roughly two and a half days, always at the same time of year. Its bizarre, monstrous avatars would crawl into people's homes and butcher occupants before retreating, again and again, with little rhyme or reason to why they took some and ignored others. These attacks were simultaneous all across the globe, and they had proven utterly unstoppable. The cults claimed that the entity only came for the wicked, and spared the virtuous. It knew the make of all mortal souls, they insisted, and perceived all that transpired upon the earth.

Beth had never been religious, but the timing would always disturb her. It was an important time for more than one religion, but that it occurred so exactly around perhaps the most important Christian holiday in the whole year felt ominous to her. If there was a Devil, well – she knew when to look for him.

Of course, she'd never speak these thoughts aloud. Her organization was strictly secular, officially speaking. The task force had existed for decades, though she'd only joined it five years prior. Their purpose was to analyze, study and destroy the entity with all the tools of the human race at their disposal. Their budget had grown to be larger than most governments'. Just as well. Global reach necessitated global expenses.

Beth shook her head and turned her attention to the stack of unread reports by her side. After-action summaries from other operations. An ongoing summoning had been stopped midway in Zimbabwe, though preliminary analysis indicated it wouldn't have worked even if they'd missed it. In Singapore, cult infiltrators were found to have compromised the nation's government and armed forces. A purge was to follow. An assault on a rural community in Missouri had resulted in heavy casualties and necessitated artillery bombardment; she really needed to get further intel on that, but the full report had yet to reach her.

The work never ended. This was the busiest time of the year.

She sighed and lay back against the shuddering wall of the heli. If only she could spend the holidays with her partner in a warm house with a cup of something hot in her hands, content and safe. But there'd never be safe while it was out there.

***


(…) for Him our Sins are Plain to See; for Him our Gates Open and our Guards do Yield; for Him the Offering is Made; for Him the Children Await (…)
-excerpt, Pseudodaemonica Clausicae, c. 1604

II.

This close to the year's end, the memory became inescapable.

In all these years, Beth had not been able to drown it out, not with work, not with alcohol, not with narcotics, or sex, cigarettes, pills, religion or with therapy. It was etched on the inside of her brain, never further than a stray thought from resurfacing. But the winters were the worst.

Her father had not been a perfect man. She could not claim that he'd even been a kind one. But he'd kept them housed and fed, driven them to practice, gotten them gifts on most of their birthdays. He'd not been evil. Only human. He'd not deserved that.

She'd been nine. Her mother was away, not yet home from work. She'd been in the kitchen, stealing a bite of some pastries in the fridge, when from the living room had come a drawn-out, low, wet sound, like fat sloughing off the bone. She'd stopped and listened, and it had come again.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Beth had gone to investigate. The room had looked normal, except that the fire in the fireplace had gone out. She'd gagged when she'd come near. Covering the wood, coating it in thick, pungent filth, was a viscous, brownish liquid. It poured slowly over the logs. She remembered thinking that it looked a little like syrup running.

It was coming down the chimney, drop by drop. Drip. Drip. Drip.

She'd called for her father. After her third cry, he'd stomped in from outside from his snow work, still clad in his big fur-lined boots and massive overcoat. She'd loved how silly it made him look. Her father had taken one look at her in the front of the fireplace and howled like some kind of animal. That had perhaps frightened her more than anything else. She'd never heard him make such a frightened, bizarre sound.

"Bethie, get the fuck away from there!"

She'd stared, bemused. Her father had leapt across the room and pulled her back. She'd fallen roughly against the low living room table. Her father had spun around before the fireplace, anger twisting his face, and looked like he was going to shout at her.

Their chimney wasn't that big. It couldn't have accomodated a grown man, let alone anything bigger. Nevertheless, something slithered down behind her father, squeezing between the bricks with sounds like pulping meat. She only caught a glimpse of something pallid and sinuous, slick with the filth dripping down with it, and coughed from the fetid smell that washed down with it.

It snapped out of the fireplace and caught her father around the waist. There was a sound like the pop of air filling a vacuum, and then he was gone.

No, that wasn't true. Her father had been able to squirm in place for a few precious moments. He'd had time to call out to her, before he'd been pulled into the fireplace. She wished he 'd said something brave or stoic or comforting, but instead, in a small and frantic voice, he'd screamed out:

"Fuck! Help me! Oh God! Bethie, don't just stand there, goddamnit, help-"

She'd not moved. It wouldn't have made any difference if she had, though. It had taken him in the next moment.

Much later in life, she'd seen footage of the Twinford Porpoise incident. A mechanical malfunction had opened a 24-inch hole in a diving chamber door, exposing a diver inside to immense and explosive change in pressure. He'd been sucked through the hole in an instant. His body had disintegrated in a shower of meat and bone. The footage had been explicit about the fact that his spine had shot out of his flesh like a spear and his organs had flushed away after it in a pulped mass.

The sight of it had been all too familiar. They'd never found all of her father's body.

Beth didn't have a chimney or fireplace in her house. That had been a hard line when they'd gone looking for a place to live. It wasn't as if that really mattered, but she slept a little sounder for it.

Beth stirred back into the present. She lay on her bed in her quarters aboard the base. A sound had disturbed her. A knock? She blinked bleary eyes and tried to gather her thoughts.

Another knock came at her door. With a groan, she threw off the covers and dragged herself over. Behind it was Kovacs, the base's chief of security. He was a rough hulk of a man, broad and angular, like an unfinished sculpture. He had the nerve to look fresh and rested at this hour.

"What?"

"Meeting in the War Room. Don't you ever check your schedule?"

"Ugh. Lead the way."

She dressed and followed Kovacs down the base's labyrinthine corridors, glaring at the crew and soldiers she saw. At the door to the War Room, she dug in her pockets for a cigarette.

"Don't," Kovacs said.

"What?"

"No smoking in the War Room. You know that."

"Oh, come on. Nobody minds it."

"The General does mind. He's already got his eye on you. Don't piss him off further."

"What, now you're telling me I'm on the General's shitlist?"

"I think he prefers to call it his naughty list, but yes. Now come on. They're waiting."

Inside the room were some very serious people. She knew them all, more or less. The General was an iron-grey statue with the kind of perennially angry look she associated with pensioners and war criminals. On his right were Doctor Chen and Doctor Enckell, or Tall-Dark-and-Nerdy and Short-Blond-and-Dusty, as she sometimes thought of them. On his left were a cluster of military and government types.

"Finally," the General said. He looked to the others and nodded towards her. "Elizabeth Hawkins, Operations Chief. Sit down and let's get this meeting in order. We've a lot of ground to cover."

At some unspoken command, the two doctors got to their feet and waddled over the projector screen. Enckell took the stage and cleared his throat a touch uncertainly. The General gestured for him to speak

"Thank you, General. I would like to begin with an overview of the historical record. The earliest known references to the entity date from Tenth Dynasty Egypt, where we find a peculiar and unorthodox depiction of the god Khonsu that emerges from the underworld to feast on the hearts of the wicked; a depiction which lacks the characteristic human, or humanoid, form of Egyptian depictions of divinity. From the 9th century AD, we have the Byzantine Codex Hyperborealis, purporting to be a travelogue of sorts of a mythical land beyond the Arctic ice," Enckell explained. He had made the unnerving decision to smile all the while he spoke. "He may have been the monstrous figure known to the Mayans as Xibcanu, the frightful death, and to the Spaniards who encountered them as the demon Eligos. But the largest part of our corpus comes from the peoples of the Arctic Circle. The Sami tell of Boahjegallis, the Komi of Voipel'-Aika, the Inuits-"

"We may skip the superstitions, Doctor, and move onto the science," the General said, interrupting the small man's monologue.

For all his stern gravitas, this time he could not dissuade the scientist. "Forgive me, General, but in this case the science needs all the help it can get from superstition. These stories may not yield directly actionable data, but cross-referencing them, certain important patterns emerge. Firstly, accounts of the entity are sporadic, but global," Enckell replied. "Common threads in these tales include the entity's residence in the absolute north, its singular, yearly appearance, and its violent consumption of the morally impure. In each account, there is at least one victim – often several."

"Sounds like our guy," one of the military types muttered.

"The following point is key, I believe," Enckell said. "These attestations in the historical record point towards a figure that was poorly-known and rarely encountered by those who described it. These legends weave in and out of the cultural tradition; forgotten, then reinvented, or I should rather say, encountered anew. Though we must accept that many records have simply been lost to time, the evidence still points towards historical manifestations taking place years, decades or even centuries apart. Only in the last two hundred years have we seen a change in this pattern. There has been a steady growth in the number of manifestations each year: from perhaps a dozen claimed sightings in the 1870s, when our records begin, to tens of thousands last year. I fear the volume of these manifestations is only set to increase. There appears to be no upper limit to how many the entity can sustain at once."

"So, it only showed up every now and then back in the day. What's changed?"

"There are a number of theories," Enckell said. His smile became brittle. "Some of our anthropologists suggest, based on evidence recovered from its cults, that some sort of prophecy is set to be fulfilled, or that the accumulated sins of humanity will soon have reached critical mass, and a reckoning is at hand. But if I may suggest a simpler explanation. It is we who have changed. This new phase in activity coincides remarkably well with the beginning of the Industrial Age and its growing effects on our fragile atmosphere. The planet is warming. And if the entity resides, as the legends say, somewhere within the polar ice, that polar ice is rapidly melting. I am sure you take my meaning."

The people in the room exchanged glances. The General huffed and scowled. "Let's not bring politics into this," he said at last. Enckell visibly deflated, but the General didn't let him get another word in: "Well, thank you, Doctor. Very enlightening. Doctor Chen?"

The other scientist bowed his head and replaced Enckell before the screen. "Moving on to harder sciences," he said dryly, "the entity presents a biological enigma. It resists easy classification and appears to routinely violate natural laws as we understand them. Yet is is undeniably alive, and intelligent, though I couldn't say whether we should describe it as sentient, strictly speaking."

He pushed a button and the projector screen flared to life, showing what appeared to be a satellite image of an icy landmass overlaid with a heatmap. Ripples of color radiated outwards from the center. Chen gestured broadly at it.

"So! We have surmised that the main bulk of the entity can be located somewhere under the North Pole. We know very little of what it might look like, or even how large it truly is, or if that is even a measurement we can make! Its manifestations, as you know, possess unstable and fascinatingly adaptable biological bodies. They are resistant to harm, certainly, but more importantly, they regenerate damaged tissue in a matter of minutes, even from just a single cell. Killing one permanently was long thought impossible, but of course, these manifestations are thought to be mere extensions of the main body, and thus – we presume – replaceable. One would need to strike at the true body to destroy it."

"Was long thought impossible?" Beth asked.

"General?" Chen asked, looking to the man at the end of the table.

"Go ahead. Tell them."

The screen changed. A complicated blueprint for some kind of machine filled it.

"We call it the Exothermic Mass Superannihillator," said Chen, with the tone of a boy who'd waited his whole life to say something like that. His eyes gleamed. "It is a kind of explosive device. Extremely potent. It destabilizes matter on a molecular level. We believe it might do the trick."

"A bomb?" Beth asked. "That's your solution? I don't think brute force is going to cut it, here."

"Ah, but it is not just any bomb. We have tested miniaturized versions of it on samples in our containment laboratories. While ordinary kinetic and explosive injury is typically regenerated in seconds, no evidence of recovery was observed with the X-MASS. To put it bluntly, when we kill it with this, it won't come back."

"You think," Beth said.

"Backed by the best science this planet can muster, yes, we think so indeed."

Beth turned towards the General. "You didn't tell me you had pieces of it stashed away in containment, sir."

"Need to know basis," the General replied, not looking her way. "You didn't need to know, so you didn't. Doctor, how do we ensure we hit the thing when we fire this off?"

"That is the question, General. While we first debated deploying it over the North Pole, the likelihood of a direct hit would be low. And the damage to the ice shelf considerable. So we scrapped that idea. But there is reason to believe that it is possible to, ah, lure the entity away from its den and onto a location of our choosing."

"How?"

"Doctor Enckell?" Chen asked his colleague, who looked to be still fuming about his abrupt ejection from the stage. He stomped back to his place.

"Hmph. Well, this theory relies on intelligence gathered by our Operations teams – materials seized from the so-called cults our capable Commander Hawkins has been combating through these past years. The cultists appear to have believed, in their strange way, that certain actions would allow the object of their devotion to rise from the ice and come to them. For some kind of rapturous ascension, presumably."

"What?" Beth asked. "No, no. Hell no. You're talking about their summoning rituals. Have you missed the fact that we've been trying to stop them from doing that shit all this time? Now, you want to do it for them?"

"In a sense. This would bring the entity to a place where we might destroy it. There is an element of risk to this plan-"

"There's no fucking way!"

"-but it could work. A decisive blow, to end it once and for all."

The room was silent for a moment. Beth stared at the lot of them in disbelief. They could not possibly-

"How soon can we have this happen?" the General asked.

"It will have to take place during the usual activity phase – December 24th to December 26th. Preparations have already been begun, and I expect we will have no trouble finalizing them before then."

"That's what I like to hear. You've got whatever you need. We're bringing that bastard down."

***​


Rime-bearded, blood-bloated, He rides the icy waste
His baleful chariot soars o'er all, the beasts harness'd and bound
And at his back, dark gifts for his children
Who shall rejoice forevermore
-recovered cult text, The Yule Hymn

III.

In the end, they set it up on the Arctic shore, on a blasted cape off somewhere in Nunavut, Canada. It was dark when they got there and it kept being dark, whatever the clock said. While many of her colleagues seemed to have grown bizarrely cheerful, Beth had never felt so miserable in her life. She only got out of bed by blasting a bright light into her face every morning.

The days up to Christmas passed in frantic activity. The ritual site was over a kilometre wide and hosted hundreds of seemingly pointless structures and endless layers of fortified construction. She had no idea what the scientists had done to the ritual to make it work – supposedly – but it certainly required scale. Somewhere within the site, ten thousand reindeer purchased from Nenets herders waited placidly. They'd be butchered to power the ritual: apparently, no matter how scientific you made it, blood still mattered in these things.

The final week proved eventful. Sabotage attempts by infiltrators were followed by raids and then a massed assault involving stolen military equipment and armored vehicles. The cults had never acted on such a scale, or in such unison. The General, in his usual style, took this as a sign that the ritual was definitely going to work.

They repelled the cult attacks, of course. Relatively speaking, their losses were light, but she felt the weight of them acutely nevertheless.

Finally, on the 24th, the ritual began. It was expected to take over twenty-four hours, culminating on the evening of the 25th. They were on full alert, as were national militaries in all neighboring countries. Not a soul was sleeping in their camp. They wanted to remain vigilant.

"When the entity appears," Doctor Enckell warned, as the ritual was to begin, "under no circumstances are you to look upon it. All the stories agree that this is folly. And Doctor Chen has suggested that intense radiation may issue from it; another reason to take care, and remain in the bunkers below."

She had nodded and agreed, but she knew she was going to do no such thing. This thing had taken her father. She wanted to look it in the eye when they killed it.

The summoning began. Thousands of reindeer died mewling on the ice, their blood pouring into deep gouges carved into the earth. Strange chanting began to issue from loudspeakers around the zone.

At first, nothing out of the ordinary happened. She walked the perimeter, making sure everything was shipshape. Everyone was nervous, understandably so, so she turned a blind eye to whatever acts of debauchery they were getting up to relieve their stress.

Reports of manifestations around the world began to filter in after an hour or so. The entity was striking, as usual. There would be more, far more. She did not want to think about how many little girls were seeing their fathers devoured right this night. There was nothing they could do; all their forces were gathered here, and they had never been successful in preventing a manifestation from getting to its prey.

After four or so hours, the scientists reported significant seismic events under the polar ice shelf. The entity, they said, was on the move. Why they sounded pleased about it was beyond her. This could not possibly work.

As it turned out, it would not move for almost twelve hours more, but when it did... A mountain walked, or stumbled, or rather moved through the air at a pace usually reserved for supersonic jets. They got no useable footage, but estimates of its size put it somewhere in the range of football stadiums and skyscrapers. Any attempt to record video or audio of it failed for reasons that were not disclosed to her; the scientists who told her so appeared somewhat rattled.

But no more manifestations were reported after that. The entity was observed to be growing, perhaps absorbing its errant parts back into itself. That was promising, they said. It was coming here fully, and thus they had a real chance at killing it.

"What if we don't manage to kill it?" she asked, at that, when the news had become certain. "Will it go back under the ice?"

Doctor Chen and Doctor Enckell frowned. "Well, perhaps. Probably not, though. I can't imagine it would. But that's why we shan't fail!"

Unreassured, she chose to find comfort in a bottle of spirits, instead. When they began to hear the noises some thirty minutes later, she was already rather plastered. The sound that carried on the wind was strange, booming and distorted, but she could have sworn it sounded almost like hearty laughter.

A moment later, the alarms crackled to life. She heard a multitude of near-panicked voices.

"Everyone, below! ETA five minutes!"

She gestured for those near her to go, assuring them she'd follow. Once they were out of sight and the bunker hatches sealed behind them, Beth ducked behind the nearest concrete bastion. The air was thrumming with the intensity of the incoming noise. She plugged her ears rather than risk being deafened, but that did not rid her of the sound. It was as if it was still ringing inside her head.

Suddenly, the night grew even darker. Something rushed past overhead and came crashing down miles to the north, where the center of the ritual pattern lay. The earth shook and she held onto the concrete as parts of the construction fell down around her. When the tremors subsided, she glanced at the blinking countdown tower nearby and banished her doubts away.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five...

She was going to do it. She had to see it before they killed it.

...four, three...

She supposed she should have thought of something eloquent to say, but the drink in her veins made it hard to think. Her knees shuddered under her as she rose towards the edge of the bastion wall.

...two...

Look at it in the eyes when they kill it. God, did it even have eyes? Did it have a face? What was she doing this for? What had she been thinking?

...one.

Beth peered over the top. She saw it. It had a face. It had many. It had her father's face.

The countdown finished. The world became light.

***

EPILOGUE

"Beth, darling, won't you settle down? I've got us hot chocolate and some biscuits. Darling?"

"Sorry," Beth replied, forcing herself to take the offered seat. She couldn't quite stop her eyes from flicking to the window and the gentle snow falling outside. "I'm just... It's the first Christmas since. You know."

"Since you saved the day. Yes, darling. I know it's strange, but it's okay now. It's over. You don't have anything to fear anymore."

"So they say."

"You have taken your medicine, haven't you? The doctors told me-"

Beth tuned her out. She thought she'd heard something. Faint, on the edge of hearing. Something outside, in the distance. Laughter, perhaps, on the wind.

Full of terrible joy.

Ho, ho, ho!
 
I'm about 4000 words into a first draft and not even nearly done. It'll take a lot more passes for me to be happy with it even before I start trying to edit it down and frankly there's every possibility I might throw out the whole thing and take the prompt in a different direction from my first idea, so I at least will probably definitely not be posting mine before Christmas week!
 
Rakashua's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Yeah uh, lot of time, also with short stories I find myself having to often write the entire thing in one go otherwise I lose interest/ it gets hard for me to continue writing- prompting also helps with the speed because it gives me more of a framework to work within than normal.
This is 100% me... I also, unfortunately... get sucked into it and once the outline is in place I have a hard time .... shortening things... XD

So here we are... about 8 hours after I got up this morning later with only a pee break... and I need to go eat food now...


EDIT #2: first edit complete. At least one more to go!
EDIT #3: Second edit complete.
EDIT #4: Final edit, think it's pretty decent now, maybe a punctuation mistake in there that I missed, enjoy!

In response to the prompt: [this will be added by the staff apparently, sorry!]
By: [to be added by staff, my bad]


Prologue: Not Long For This World: Hannah Long


Dawn arrives on the Discworld with all the subtlety of a particularly lazy houseguest who insists on pouring themselves an extra cup of tea before getting started. As the small star rises, its amber light spills over the vast, improbable surface of the Disc, illuminating each crack, cranny, and crevice. The Disc itself, supported on the backs of four impossibly large elephants who, in turn, stand on the great shell of Great A'Tuin, drifts serenely through the universe with the kind of purpose only an enormous celestial turtle can muster. No one has asked Great A'Tuin about this purpose, of course, but if they did, it would likely have blinked slowly and muttered something profound in turtle, which translates roughly as, "Keep moving forward."

Far below, the light pools into the ancient, sprawling, utterly unreasonable city of Ankh-Morpork, known to its inhabitants as the most alive place on the Disc, though not necessarily in the way that was meant to be flattering. The sun's rays weave their way through the stubborn haze of coal smoke, chimney soot, and what the alchemists diplomatically refer to as "urban miasma," casting long fingers into the crooked streets and alleys.

The Merchant's Guild once described Ankh-Morpork as the "City of a Thousand Surprises," a title widely regarded as optimistic. After all, most of those surprises were unpleasant, ranging from sudden potholes in cobblestones to unexpected interactions with pickpockets or, on a particularly unlucky day, the Watch. "Ankh-Morpork," the Guild's promotional pamphlet enthused, "where every street is a tapestry of life"—which, while technically true, often meant dodging what life left behind after a heavy meal.

In the district of Elm Street, nestled among leaning houses that seemed to defy gravity—or perhaps conspired with it to keep upright—stood Mrs. Cake's boarding house. Mrs. Cake, as anyone would tell you, was a force of nature in a city where nature had long since thrown in the towel. She rented rooms to individuals best described as "peculiar" by polite society and "weird" by those who were less charitable. Zombies, werewolves, and the occasional Igor called it home, though none quite as noteworthy as an eight-year-old girl named Hannah Long.

Hannah Long lies awake as dawn finally filters into her little room, though she's not sure if it's morning that's woken her or the cold spot on her chest where a small, three-legged cat used to curl up. Threepaws has not come back, and Hannah knows what that means. Mrs. Cake had gently told her as much with a tactful absence of words the evening before. At eight years old, Hannah is not foolish, and besides, she has had more reason to understand the limits of life than most adults ever will.

The room itself is modest, furnished with just enough to keep a child's world in orbit: a creaky bed, a small wooden wardrobe, and a desk cluttered with pencils and drawings. But this morning, the drawings seem duller, their lines less playful. Hannah swings her legs out of bed, her small frame leaning heavily on her crutches. The disease has made her limbs frail, but her spirit, or so Mrs. Cake says, is stronger than iron. This morning, though, even iron feels brittle.

The stairs creak under her careful steps as she makes her way down to breakfast. She pauses halfway to catch her breath, not because she wants to but because she has to. At the bottom, the boarding house is already alive with the sounds of its peculiar residents. Red Shoe, the zombie, waves cheerfully as he sips his morning coffee—an act that still unnerves visitors unaccustomed to watching liquid disappear through gaps in anatomy. Mrs. Cake bustles about, pouring tea and engaging in lively conversations with what everyone assumes must be the voices in her head.

"Good morning, Miss Cake," Hannah says brightly, because that's what she always says. But today, the cheer is practiced, not genuine. Her words float like a thin layer of mist over the real weight in her chest. Mrs. Cake, who can see everything—and, rather inconveniently for others, much that hasn't happened yet—doesn't press. Instead, she hands Hannah a small parcel wrapped in wax paper.

"Your lunch, dear. Don't let those boys bother you too much today," she says with a knowing nod.

Hannah nods in return and steps out into the streets, crutches clicking against the uneven cobbles. The city's bustle has begun in earnest. Vendors shout over one another, urging potential customers to examine their suspiciously fresh fish or questionably enchanted jewelry. Smoke rises from the bakeries, mixing with the ever-present stench of the River Ankh, which one hopeful guidebook described as having "a character all its own."

As Hannah walks, a small pack of boys from her school appears. They're loud and boisterous, full of the unearned confidence that only youth and a lack of self-awareness can provide.

"Ain't Got Long Hannah Long!" one of them jeers, and the others laugh.

Usually, Hannah would smile and say something kind, something that would deflate their teasing. But not today. Today, she lowers her head and keeps walking, their laughter ringing behind her. It's not worth it. Not today.

By the time she reaches school, her arms ache from the strain of the crutches, but she doesn't let it show. The classroom is warm, and the chatter of children fills the air. The teacher claps her hands for attention and announces, "Now, children, Hogswatch is just around the corner, and you know what that means. It's time to write your letters to the Hogfather."

A ripple of excitement moves through the room, but Hannah's mind is elsewhere. As the other children chatter about toys and sweets, she picks up her pencil. She knows exactly what she's going to write. She doesn't want dolls or cakes or even new crutches. She wants Threepaws back. Because if the Hogfather can grant any wish, surely he can bring back a small, three-legged cat.

Her pencil hovers over the paper, and for the first time in her young life, Hannah feels the fragile flicker of hope. It's small, but it's there. She begins to write.

Dear Hogfather,

My name is Hannah Long. I am eight years old, and I live in Ankh-Morpork with Mrs. Cake and her very nice friends. I don't know if you've ever been to Ankh-Morpork, but it's a very busy place. It smells funny most of the time, and the streets are never really clean, but there's always something happening, and I think you'd like it if you came here. Maybe not the River Ankh, though. No one likes the River Ankh.

I've been told I have something called Morbus Insidiosus. The doctors said it's very rare, but I don't think it's rare enough because I still got it. Mrs. Cake says it's a "wasting disease," which I think is an accurate name because it wastes all my muscles, and I don't think that's very fair. The doctors told me I might live to twelve, maybe fifteen, but I'm halfway to sixteen now, so I suppose I'm middle-aged. Even so, I've lived a happy, content life and I think I'm very lucky that way.

Anyway, I'm writing to you because I've heard you can make wishes come true, and I've got a very important one. You see, I had a cat named Threepaws. He wasn't just any cat. I found him when I was very little, even littler than I am now, and he was hurt so badly that he was missing one of his legs. He was very tiny and very scared, but I gave him milk and kept him warm, and he got better. Well, mostly. He's always been missing that leg, but it never seemed to bother him. We've been best friends ever since.

Threepaws died last week. Mrs. Cake says it was his time, but I don't think that's fair either. He's always been there for me, even when I felt so tired I couldn't get out of bed. He'd curl up next to me and purr, and it made everything feel just a little bit better. Now he's gone, and I feel like I'm all alone, even though I know I'm not really. It just feels that way.

I don't want anything for Hogswatch. I don't need sweets or dolls or even new crutches. I just want Threepaws back. I know it's asking a lot, but if anyone can do it, I think it's you. If you could bring him back, even just for as long as I've got left, it would mean everything to me. I don't have a lot of time, but I think I'd be okay with that if I had him with me.

Thank you for listening, even if you can't do it. I hope you have a very nice Hogswatch.

Yours truly, Hannah Long


The scene pulls back just now, as if the universe itself were stepping back to admire the improbable Rube Goldberg machine of events it had just set into motion.

Hannah's letter, written with the careful hope only a child could muster, did indeed make it to the post office. This, in itself, was something of a miracle. The Ankh-Morpork post office had a reputation so dire that even the most optimistic citizens used the phrase "posting it" as a synonym for "giving up hope entirely."

Yet, despite the towering stacks of undelivered mail, the ill-tempered pigeons, and a sorting system that could best be described as "creative," the letter was actually processed and sent out for delivery. This was either a stroke of sheer luck or perhaps the meddling of one of the gods. The God of Chance might have nudged the letter on its way, though it's worth noting that he usually bets against himself for the thrill of it. Fate, on the other hand, doesn't meddle. He arranges, and while he might have intervened, it's hard to imagine him stooping to something as mundane as postal logistics. More likely, he placed the odds on "impossible" and let the universe sort itself out.

What made the delivery of this letter truly remarkable, however, was where it ended up. The envelope, addressed with the shaky but determined hand of a child, somehow bypassed every logical destination, skipped all the appropriate channels, and arrived at a cottage that did not appear on any map. A cottage with no address, no mailbox, and no discernible reason to receive mail at all. In fact, it had never received mail before.

That it should land in the hands of Esmerelda Weatherwax—Granny Weatherwax to most, Mistress Weatherwax to the very brave—was either fate, chance, or the universe deciding it owed someone a laugh. Though, as Granny would undoubtedly put it later, it was clearly "meant to be." And Granny Weatherwax was not someone you argued with. Not if you wanted to remain on speaking terms with your own common sense.

  • Morbus Insidiosus is one of those diseases that medical professionals would much rather give a name to than actually cure. The name itself is derived from morbus, meaning "disease," and insidiosus, meaning "sneaky git." It is a condition known for creeping up on its victims with all the subtlety of a pickpocket in a crowded street and sticking around like an unwanted houseguest who's just discovered the biscuit tin.

    Symptoms of Morbus Insidiosus include general weakness, fatigue, and a tendency for doctors to sigh deeply and shake their heads a lot while muttering phrases like, "Best make the most of things." It's considered one of the rarer afflictions, mostly because most people who get it don't have the strength to go around advertising. The disease is entirely incurable, though plenty of quacks have tried, including one notable physician who prescribed a diet of only boiled cabbage and long walks. He lived to regret the decision when his patient beat him over the head with a crutch.

    While many diseases come with a sense of urgency, Morbus Insidiosus prefers to take its time, much like a cat deciding whether it really wants to sit in your lap or just claw your arm for the fun of it. This slow inevitability has made it infamous among scholars of the Unseen University, who use it as a metaphor for the passing of time, entropy, and the inevitable realization that you've left the kettle on again.

    It is also worth noting that Morbus Insidiosus doesn't discriminate—it's an equal-opportunity ruiner of lives. But, as many dying from it have desperately said, "That don't mean it's going to have the last word." It always has.




Chapter 1: A Most Unlikely Delivery
Granny Weatherwax's cottage perches in the Ramtops like a spider at the center of its web. Not a web of silk, mind, but one of sheer authority over everything that skitters, crawls, or foolishly crosses its path. The air here is sharp and clean, the kind of air that might slap you in the face and tell you to stop being daft. The forest around the cottage hums with its own business: the low buzz of Granny's beehives, the whisper of leaves in the wind, and the occasional snap of a twig under something four-legged that wisely keeps its distance.

Granny herself is not a woman given to idleness. There's always something that needs doing, whether it's brewing up a tincture, clipping herbs, or glaring at the weather until it stops misbehaving. But this morning, her routine is interrupted by an event so peculiar that it immediately sets her teeth on edge: the post has arrived.

The post does not arrive at Granny Weatherwax's cottage. It never has, for the very good reason that nobody dares to send her anything. Letters are for ordinary people, and Esmerelda Weatherwax is no ordinary person. And yet here it is, a single envelope, sitting squarely on her kitchen table where the crow that delivered it now sits preening, clearly pleased with itself and not only for having survived the journey.

  • In most parts of the Discworld, mail delivery relies on the ingenuity and determination of birds. The very poor might employ pigeons, who flap their way through the skies with the enthusiasm of a creature that doesn't realize it's carrying anything important. The slightly better off might spring for crows, which have the added benefit of glaring menacingly at anyone who dares approach their intended recipient. For the truly discerning (and those who live in areas where the difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion not opinion), ravens are the bird of choice. They possess an air of gothic professionalism and, if asked nicely, might even recite a bit of poetry to go along with your bills.

    Mail in the Ramtops, however, faces a unique challenge: the eagle. To your average Ramtops eagle, a letter tied to a bird is less a form of communication and more a convenient delivery service for dinner. It's the culinary equivalent of a Happy Meal—complete with a toy attached to the drumstick.

    This tendency for eagles to intercept post has made mail delivery in the region something of a gamble. The local postmasters have learned to take a philosophical approach, marking undelivered letters as "eaten in transit" and issuing warnings that "contents may have been pre-digested." Recipients, in turn, have learned to temper their expectations and count themselves lucky if even half a postcard survives the journey.

    Of course, it's said that one enterprising wizard once tried to enchant an eagle-proof letter by disguising it as a rock. The spell worked perfectly, though the recipient was unable to read the letter having been hit in the head with the enchanted stony correspondence at terminal velocity.

Granny picks it up and turns it over, her expression narrowing to a frown sharp enough to cut glass. The handwriting on the front is shaky but determined, the sort of handwriting that says, I mean business, but I'm still learning my letters. And then there's the postmark: Ankh-Morpork.

Granny sniffs. She's seen the name in her atlas—an ancient tome so outdated that its maps depict parts of the Disc as "Here Be Dragons," and not in the metaphorical sense. Ankh-Morpork. A city beyond the mountains, possibly just over the next hill. She's never had much cause to think about it before. Cities are full of people, and Granny has never seen the appeal of a place where folk insist on living elbow to elbow when there's plenty of perfectly good space elsewhere.

Still, a letter is a letter, and Granny Weatherwax doesn't believe in coincidence. Carefully, and with the air of someone expecting the envelope to explode, she slides a nail under the flap and unfolds the contents.

Dear Hogfather, it begins.

Granny reads the letter once, frowning. She reads it a second time, the frown deepening. By the third read, the frown is so pronounced it's threatening to become permanent.

The letter is from a child. A little girl named Hannah Long. It explains, in that unflinchingly earnest way children have, about a cat called Threepaws, a life shortened by something called "a wasting disease," and a request—a wish, really—for one small, impossible thing: to bring the cat back to life.

Granny puts the letter down and leans back in her chair. Outside, the bees continue their steady hum, oblivious to the sudden weight of the room. Wishes, Granny thinks, are tricky things. They're not magic, not exactly, but they have power. The sort of power that falls under a witch's purview, whether she likes it or not.

She picks the letter up again and studies the wobbly handwriting. "Hogfather," indeed. It's absurd. But even as she scoffs, there's a tightness in her chest that she refuses to call sympathy. What kind of witch would she be if she ignored a letter like this? After all, headology is about understanding what people need, and if this child thinks she needs her cat back, then someone ought to see to it.

"Well, Esme," she mutters to herself, "looks like it's up to you. As usual."

And with that, Granny Weatherwax begins to plan. Because wishes might not be magic, but granting them—properly, mind you—is the closest thing to it.

Chapter 2: A Practical Witch's Approach
Dusk settles over the Ramtops, and Granny Weatherwax's cottage glows faintly in the candlelight. Inside, the air is thick with the tang of herbs and the comforting hum of bees that linger in the hives outside. Granny sits at her kitchen table, the letter from Hannah Long lying flat before her. Her expression is sharp, her gaze fixed on a point just beyond the flickering flame of the candle, as though daring the universe to present her with a problem she can't solve.

The problem, she has decided, isn't the cat itself. It's the legs. Specifically, the absence of one.

Black cats, as every self-respecting witch knows, are plentiful. They arrive unbidden, sometimes in threes, as if the universe has some sort of cosmic surplus. But a three-legged black cat? That's as rare as hens' teeth. She crosses her arms, and considers the practical options.

Granny leans back, chair creaking under her weight, and eyes her atlas which rests beneath the wobbly table leg. She's considered the obvious solution: simply replacing the cat. Hannah is a child, after all. Children are known for many things—sticky fingers, being underfoot, and, most crucially, being easily fooled. Surely, a new black cat would do just as well, especially if Granny had a long and stern word with it about its responsibilities.

But even as the thought settles, Granny frowns. It's not the right sort of thinking. It might be enough for someone else, but Granny Weatherwax isn't someone else. She's a witch. And being a witch means doing things properly, not avoiding the harder truths of life. Anything less would sit wrong, and Granny doesn't like being uncomfortable with herself.

She taps the table thoughtfully. Perhaps she could mail a request to the head witching office. Witches and black cats go together like pointy hats and warts. Surely someone, somewhere, must have one going spare, even one with three legs. But even as the idea forms, it dissolves. Hogswatch Eve is only four weeks away, and letters—especially those sent near eagles—have a way of disappearing into the mountains, only to be found months later by an inquisitive goat.

The most direct method, Granny decides, is to make one. A perfectly good black cat could easily become a three-legged black cat with the application of a sharp knife and some determination.

The thought lingers in the air for precisely one second before Granny grimaces and shakes her head. "Stupid idea," she mutters. She may not suffer fools gladly, but she won't harm an innocent creature. There's a line, and that's it. Besides, the bloody child didn't mention which leg said black cat was missing.

The candlelight flickers as her gaze drops to the letter. Hannah's words linger in her mind, particularly the ones about how much time she has left. Life and death, time and the lack of it—they're problems witches deal with regularly. But what about after? What about the souls that have already slipped through the cracks?

Rumor has it Death is fond of cats.

She's heard stories. Whispers of feline souls treated with unusual care, of hourglasses turned just a little slower for creatures with whiskers and claws. If anyone could return Threepaws, it would be Death. The only trouble is that Death doesn't make house calls. At least, not for people who are still upright and breathing and Granny has no intention of dying just to have a chat.

Granny taps her nails against the wood of the table, the sound sharp in the stillness. She'd need to meet Death in person. The only way to do that, of course, would be to die. Temporarily, of course. Permanently would be inconvenient. But that's a tricky business and is quickly filed under, plans of last resort.

That's when the idea strikes her, as sharp and certain as one of her bees' stingers.

She knows about the Assassin's Guild in Ankh-Morpork. Everyone does, even if they've never set foot within a hundred miles of the city. It's where people die regularly, and presumably, on schedule. If she could get close enough to an assassination—to what the guild calls an "inhumation"—she might just manage to be there when Death arrives to collect the soul.

Granny leans back in her chair, a rare smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. It's a bold plan, certainly. And she likes bold plans, provided they're her own.

"Well," she says to the empty room, "if I'm going to meet Death, I'll do it properly. None of this mucking about with summoning nonsense. Wizards do that. And we all know how that ends."

Her gaze shifts to the atlas propping up the wobbly table leg. Ankh-Morpork. It's just beyond the mountains, isn't it? Possibly a bit further, but she's confident she'll manage. She might even walk, if the mood strikes her. After all, how far could it possibly be?

Standing, she straightens her hat and begins gathering the things she'll need for the journey. It's time to set things in motion, and once Granny Weatherwax decides to do something, the world generally finds it simpler to step aside and let her get on with it.

Her bees hum softly in their hives as the candle burns low, and the forest around the cottage seems to lean in, waiting to see how it will all unfold. Granny takes a deep breath, picks up the letter, and tucks it into her pocket.

"Let's see what this Assassin's Guild is all about, then," she mutters. And with that, she begins to plan her trip to Ankh-Morpork, where Death, one way or another, is bound to make an appearance.
  • It should be noted at this point that the Assassin's Guild was responsible for less than 1% of all deaths in Ank Morpork with nearly the entire 99% being death by suicide. Assassination was in fact a fairly uncommon event in Ankh-Morpork, but there were a lot of suicides. Walking in the night-time alleyways of The Shades was suicide. Asking for a short in a dwarf bar was suicide. Saying 'Got rocks in your head?' to a troll was suicide. You could commit suicide very easily, if you weren't careful.




Chapter 3: The Long Road to Ankh-Morpork
Granny Weatherwax sets out from her cottage at dawn, her boots laced tight and her hat casting a long shadow down the narrow mountain path. The crisp air of the Ramtops bites at her cheeks, but she doesn't mind. Walking, after all, is good for the constitution. She's certain Ankh-Morpork can't be more than a few days away—just a bit further along the river here, perhaps, or past that spot where the snow only falls half the year, can't be much further out than that. Maps, she reasons, are made by men and men tend to exaggerate lengths, most especially very short ones.

The first village she passes through greets her with the cautious enthusiasm reserved for someone wearing a pointy hat. Within moments, she's drawn into assisting with what the villagers describe as "a minor emergency" but which turns out to involve delivering twins in the back room of the tavern. Granny handles it with her usual efficiency, muttering about how people ought to plan their emergencies better. The grateful parents name one of the babies after her, despite Granny's pointed remark that Esmerelda is a dreadful name for a boy.

By the time she's crossed into the next valley, word of her approach has somehow traveled ahead of her. She's stopped by a nervous young man who begs her to help with his wife, who has gone into labor early. By the third village, she doesn't even need to ask what the emergency is. She simply rolls up her sleeves and gets on with it.

  • Witches deliver babies because someone has to, and while wizards could theoretically manage it, the baby would likely arrive wearing a hat and demanding tuition fees. On the Disc, witches are the default option for anything that needs doing but isn't important enough to bother the gods—or interesting enough to attract wizards— and the method of payment is dubious at best, often involving chickens, goats, or—more commonly—respectful thanks.
The logic is simple: witches are practical. They know where life begins (usually messily) and where it ends (inevitably), and they're quite good at keeping the former from rushing prematurely into the latter. A good witch can glare a baby into being born and then scowl it into behaving.

Besides, if witches didn't handle births, people might have to figure it out themselves. And nobody wants that. Least of all the baby.



The road winds through forests and fields, where Granny occasionally stops to gather herbs or glare at the weather until it improves. It's on one of these quiet stretches that a group of bandits leaps from the underbrush, waving knives and demanding her valuables. Granny, who has very few valuables and even fewer reasons to tolerate interruptions, glares at them.

The bandits freeze. They look at the hat. They look at each other. Then, in what can only be described as a coordinated display of politeness, they lower their weapons, apologize profusely for the inconvenience, and offer to share their lunch. One of them even insists on giving her directions, complete with landmarks and advice on which streams have the best water.

This happens several more times, leading Granny to conclude that the roads are not, in fact, ridden with bandits but with an unusually high number of kind, rough young men who take their duties as roadside helpers very seriously.

A day's walk turns into a week's trek, then a two week slog, then three…

By the time she reaches the first proper town, she's tired but in good spirits. The town boasts a small inn, a modest marketplace, and, crucially, a map hanging on the wall of the general store. Granny squints at it, tracing her progress with a finger. It's here that she makes a disconcerting discovery: Ankh-Morpork is much, much farther than she thought.

Her finger drags across the map, past rivers and forests and mountains, until it finally lands on the distant smudge marked Ankh-Morpork. A helpful shopkeeper informs her it's a journey of "at least a few hundred miles, missus," and Granny thanks him curtly before stepping outside to consider her options.

The thought of turning back doesn't even cross her mind. The thought of not arriving in time, however, gnaws at her. Hogswatch is only days away now, and if she keeps walking, she'll still be on the road when the first snows fall—and probably, when they melt too.

This is how she finds herself standing in an empty field, broom in hand, glaring at it as though the object itself is to blame.

"Not ladylike," she mutters, echoing the words of her late mother, who had strong opinions about proper behavior and none whatsoever about practicality. "But needs must."

With a reluctant sigh, Granny mounts the broom.

The broom wobbles slightly as it lifts off the ground, creaking in a way that suggests it isn't entirely pleased about being put to work after so long. Granny grips it tightly, muttering a few choice words under her breath that would make even the boldest hedgerow blush.

The ground tilts away beneath her, and the air grows colder as she rises. She adjusts her hat, her face set in an expression that would churn butter at a hundred yards. There's nothing romantic or whimsical about flight—just cold wind, aching joints, and a broomstick that occasionally shudders as if it might suddenly remember how to fall.

Granny scowls at the horizon. Somewhere out there, past far too many meddlesome towns, none of which she remembers being there the last time she came this way, is Ankh-Morpork. It's not going to wait for her, and it certainly won't make things easy. But then again, neither will she.

"Blasted Hogswatch," she growls to herself as the broom sputters forward, "nothing ladylike about it anyway." The words are swallowed by the wind as she disappears into the growing dark, leaving the faint smell of beeswax and determination hanging in the air.



Chapter 4: Ankh-Morpork and the Assassin's Guild


Ankh-Morpork hits Granny Weatherwax like a brick through a window—unexpected, loud, and leaving her with a strong urge to tidy up the mess. The city sprawls around her, a chaotic tangle of crooked streets and lurching buildings that lean into each other conspiratorially. The air smells of soot, baking bread, roasting chestnuts, and, unmistakably, the River Ankh, which lies somewhere nearby like a particularly old and sullen relative no one likes to mention and who, in fact, has died and gone to rot—by the smell of it.

Granny steps off the broom in the middle of a square that seems to be shared equally by hawkers, stray dogs, and at least one group of street performers attempting to juggle flaming sausages. She straightens her hat, adjusts her cloak, and sets off with the air of someone who absolutely belongs here despite every shred of evidence to the contrary.

The Assassin's Guild looms at the end of a street that seems to grow quieter and darker the closer one gets. Its gates are tall, black, and foreboding, and they give off the distinct impression that they're watching you back. Granny marches right up to them and raps sharply on the iron with her knuckles.

A moment later, two guards appear, both clad in black uniforms so crisp they might as well have been ironed onto them. Their expressions suggest that they are used to dealing with a certain kind of visitor—namely, the sort that turns around and runs once the gate actually opens.

Granny, of course, is not that sort.

"Good morning," she says briskly, because it is not, and she doesn't intend to waste anyone's time pretending otherwise.

The guards glance at each other. "Do you have an appointment?" one of them asks, his tone dripping with the sort of disdain usually reserved for people holding a map upside-down.

Granny opens her mouth, prepared to deliver one of her usual no-nonsense replies, and then freezes. For the first time in years—possibly decades—she realizes she's completely unprepared. She had walked (flown, grudgingly) halfway across the Disc, delivered a dozen babies, and stared down more bandits than most people saw in a lifetime, but it had not occurred to her to actually plan what she would say to get past the door.

She stands there for a moment, her hand tightening around the hem of her cloak. Time itself seems to pause, almost apologetically, as if it's saying, Look, I know you're in a tight spot, Esme, so let's just call this one on me.

In the stillness, Granny's sharp eyes take in every detail of the guards: the stiff postures, the bored expressions, and, most importantly, the sheer, overwhelming amount of black they're wearing. This is not practical black, the kind a witch wears for blending into forests or scaring off bandits. No, this is statement black, the sort of black that says, I am so rich, I can afford to dress in a color that shows every speck of lint and dust.

One of the guards even has black embroidery on his gloves, a detail so completely unnecessary it nearly distracts Granny from her moment of inspiration. Nearly.

Her lips curl into a thin smile as the plan forms fully in her mind, and Time, sensing its cue, quietly slinks away to resume its usual flow.

"No," Granny replies, her voice sharp enough to slice bread. "But I've got business, which is better." She straightens her cloak with a deliberate tug and fixes the guards with a stare that could stop a galloping horse. "Now, are you going to let me in, or am I going to have to come back with a stronger knock?"

The guards hesitate. Granny's gaze is the sort of thing that can make grown men feel like they've forgotten their homework. Finally, one of them clears his throat and says, "What sort of business?"

Granny tilts her head, eyes narrowing slightly. "The kind that involves knowing a thing or two about black fabrics."

The guards blink. This is not an answer they were expecting.

"You see," Granny continues, stepping forward with the confidence of someone who knows that hesitation is weakness, "you lot pride yourselves on your black, don't you? Very dramatic. Very professional. But I bet you've never seen a black like this."

From within her cloak, Granny produces a small scrap of fabric, holding it up with the kind of confidence that implies the object in question is about to win an argument simply by existing. The guards instinctively step back, their professional skepticism faltering as their eyes try, and fail, to make sense of what they're seeing.

At first, it looks black. But not black in the way of, say, a shadow on a moonless night or the kind of cloak favored by villains who monologue too much. No, this fabric isn't black so much as a concept of black that other blacks have nightmares about. It's a color—or possibly the idea of a color—that doesn't just absorb light but actively intimidates it into leaving the vicinity entirely.

Light, as a rule, doesn't scare easily. It's been around since the beginning of time and has seen some things, but this fabric? This fabric made light cross the street, clutch its metaphorical handbag, and decide it wasn't in the mood to travel today. The laws of physics, usually so particular about how things should behave, had taken one look at this fabric and muttered something about having left the kettle on.

"It's…" begins the shorter guard, leaning forward slightly before recoiling like someone who's just realized they've been staring into the business end of an open bear trap. "It's… doing something."

"Yes," Granny says, with the tone of someone who is patiently tolerating a slow-witted relative. "It's not just black, you see. It's better than black. It's what black wants to be when it grows up. It doesn't reflect light; it doesn't even let light hang around long enough to send a postcard."

The taller guard, whose curiosity seems to be duking it out with his sense of self-preservation, squints at the fabric. "It looks… angry," he ventures.

Granny gives a thin smile. "Oh, it's not angry. It's just aware. And very good at keeping secrets. Which, I reckon, is something your line of work values highly."

The shorter guard inches closer, his hand twitching as though tempted to touch it but not quite brave—or foolish—enough to try. "Is it… eating the light?"

Granny tucks the fabric back into her cloak with a theatrical flourish that somehow suggests the answer is yes, and it's still hungry. "It doesn't eat anything it doesn't need to," she says, leaving the precise definition of "need" hanging ominously in the air. "Now, if your boss is worth his salt, he'll want to see this. And if he's not, well, I'll know soon enough."

The guards exchange uneasy glances. The taller one mutters something under his breath about not being paid enough for this sort of thing and disappears through the gate with a speed that suggests he has no intention of lingering. The shorter one stays behind, standing stiffly at attention but very clearly avoiding direct eye contact with Granny. Or, more precisely, with her pocket, where the unnervingly not-black fabric is presumably still lurking, waiting for its next opportunity to unsettle reality.

Moments later, the gates swing open, and the taller guard reappears. "Follow me," he says stiffly.

Granny strides through, her boots clicking sharply against the cobblestones, and the gates close behind her with a low, ominous clang. She doesn't look back.

The guards lead her through the grand halls of the Assassin's Guild, past dark-paneled walls and floors polished to a mirror shine. It's a place that hums with quiet menace, every detail meticulously designed to remind visitors that this is no ordinary guild. Granny, however, doesn't seem the least bit impressed.

At last, they stop before an ornate door. "Lord Downey will see you now," one of the guards says, opening it with a slight bow.

Granny steps inside, her chin held high and her hand resting lightly on the scrap of fabric in her pocket. Lord Downey, seated behind a desk that looks more expensive than the average Ankh-Morpork townhouse, regards her with a raised eyebrow.

"Well," she says, "let's get on with it. I don't have all day."

Lord Downey blinks. This is not, Granny suspects, how most meetings with the head of the Assassin's Guild begin.

  • Most meetings with the Lord of Assassins begin with the realization that you've been poisoned, followed by an intense interest in the symptoms of poisoning, and concluding with the slightly disappointing discovery that you've died before getting to the point of the meeting, or more precisely, that your death was the point of the meeting. It's widely considered a power move. The Lord of Assassins himself is rarely present at these meetings—on the grounds that they're much more efficient without him. After all, there's no point in scheduling follow-ups.



Chapter 5: A Matter of Deadlines

Lord Downey regards Granny Weatherwax with the kind of polite disinterest that suggests she is a particularly persistent fly and he is considering reaching for the swatter. His desk is immaculate, his black-gloved fingers steepled before him, and his smile the sort of thing that could slice cheese.

"I must say, Mistress Weatherwax," he begins, his voice as smooth and deadly as an assassin's blade, "your... better than black thread is most intriguing to me. I–"

Granny waves this away with an impatient flick of her hand. "Oh, never mind that. It's not the thread you should be worryin' about. I'm here for somethin' much more important."

Lord Downey raises an eyebrow, an expression that could mean anything from mild curiosity to preparing to have you quietly removed. "And what, pray tell, might that be?"

"I need to speak to Death," Granny says bluntly, as though she's just requested a cup of tea.

This, to his credit, gives Lord Downey a pause. Not much of one—just enough for the faintest narrowing of his eyes before his practiced composure returns. "That is... highly irregular."

"So am I," Granny says, leaning forward. "Look, I know how it works. You lot deal in 'inhumations'"—she pronounces the word with the particular kind of disdain reserved for words with too many syllables—"and I know Death comes callin' when you're done. I need to be there when he does. Simple as that."

Lord Downey leans back in his chair, his smile sharpening. "I'm afraid the Guild has very strict policies, Mistress Weatherwax. Allowing an... observer to accompany one of our professionals would be quite unprecedented."

Granny narrows her eyes. "Unprecedented don't mean impossible. It just means no one's been stubborn enough to try before."

He clasps his hands together, the black gloves gleaming faintly in the candlelight. "You must understand, we pride ourselves on discretion. Our clients expect their business to be handled with the utmost confidentiality. Allowing a third party to interfere—"

"Oh, spare me," Granny interrupts, her tone as cutting as a scythe. "You think I care what some rich uppity thinks? I'm not here to meddle with your little murder-for-hire racket. I just need to have a chat with Death before Hogswatch Eve. Surely you can understand the urgency."

Lord Downey sighs theatrically, as though burdened by the weight of explaining something obvious to someone who refuses to understand. "It is, as I said, quite irregular. However..." He pauses, just long enough for Granny to catch the glint of calculation in his eyes. "Hogswatch is upon us in a mere four days, and it is, as you may not be aware, our busiest season."

"Busiest season?" Granny repeats, folding her arms.

"Indeed," Lord Downey says smoothly. "Hogswatch is a time of generosity and familial goodwill, which, for many, is simply unbearable. The social pressures alone—finding the perfect gift, avoiding missteps that might accidentally offend a relative, navigating the complex web of propriety—all of it can be... trying."

Granny raises an eyebrow. "And you lot step in to... simplify things?"

"Precisely," Lord Downey says with a faint smile. "We trim the family tree as it were. Why endure the ulcer-inducing ordeal of Hogswatch shopping when one can simply arrange for the offending relative to be, shall we say, removed from the equation? It is efficient, economical, and far less stressful for everyone involved. Business, as they say, is booming."

Granny snorts. "So you're telling me half the city's paying you to off their relatives 'cause they're too lazy to go gift shopping?"

"Not lazy," Downey corrects, his tone almost offended. "Practical."

Granny gives him a long, appraising look. "Fine. If you won't let me tag along on one of your... what do you call 'em, inhumations? Then at least point me in the right direction."

Lord Downey taps his gloved fingers together thoughtfully. "There is, perhaps, one opportunity that may suit your needs. A certain cobbler by the name of Jeremy Spangler is scheduled to, ah, receive an unexpected delivery at three o'clock tomorrow. Three days before Hogswatch Eve."

"And you're tellin' me this why?" Granny asks, narrowing her eyes.

"I'm simply suggesting," he says with a faint shrug, "that if you happened to find yourself in his vicinity tomorrow at approximately three o'clock or shortly thereafter, you may... encounter what you're looking for. Of course, I cannot officially condone such an arrangement. But unofficially..." He lets the sentence hang in the air like a noose waiting for a neck.

Granny stares at him for a moment, her expression unreadable. Then she stands, adjusting her hat with deliberate precision. "Right. If that's all, I'll be off."

But before she can turn to leave, Lord Downey clears his throat. It's a deliberate sound, the kind that implies a man trying very hard to appear as though he's not about to beg. "Mistress Weatherwax," he says, with the calculated politeness of someone attempting to wrangle a particularly stubborn goat, "I believe we have both conducted ourselves in good faith thus far."

Granny raises an eyebrow but says nothing.

"And," Downey continues, his tone as smooth as an oiled snake, "given the unusual nature of our arrangement, it seems only fair that you leave behind the... thread. A small token of mutual respect, you understand."

His composure is masterful, but his eyes betray him. There's a faint glimmer in them, the kind that says he's already imagining how that impossibly-not-black fabric might look draped across his robes or lining his cloak once he's reverse engineered it.

Granny sighs, more out of boredom than irritation, and reaches into her cloak. With a flick of her wrist, she produces the scrap of fabric and tosses it onto the desk. It lands with all the finality of a gavel striking home, its unsettling absence of color seeming to darken the room just a fraction.

Lord Downey doesn't quite drool, though it's a close thing. He leans forward, his gloved fingers hovering over the fabric as if afraid it might vanish if he blinks too hard.

"There," Granny says, dusting her hands as if ridding herself of an unnecessary trifle. "You've got your little bit of abyss. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got more important things to do."

Lord Downey's gaze flickers from the fabric to Granny, his expression carefully neutral. "Good luck, Mistress Weatherwax," he says, his smile razor-sharp. "Do try not to... interfere too much."

Granny doesn't bother to look back as she strides out, her voice trailing behind her. "Luck's for the unprepared."

  • The disappearance of the scrap of fabric from Lord Downey's desk was a matter of much speculation within the Assassin's Guild. The fact that it took the desk with it was inconvenient, but not entirely surprising. The real mystery, however, was the inexplicable vanishing of the color black from everything in the office itself. By the time Granny Weatherwax had made it out of the front gate, Lord Downey's once-immaculate ebony furnishings had gone the color of porridge left too long in the sun.

This was particularly frustrating for Downey, who prided himself on an office so black it could intimidate shadows. Now his black silk curtains were a drab beige, his midnight-hued carpet resembled weak tea, and his prized black velvet cloak had adopted the shade of an elderly mushroom reconsidering its life choices.

Theories abounded. Some whispered that the fabric had been a fragment of some long forgotten dark deity. Lord Downey, for his part, preferred the theory that it was all part of some cunning plot by Granny Weatherwax, although what kind of plot would involve making his office look like the aftermath of a bad laundry day was anyone's guess.

The simple fact of the matter was that black, being a practical sort of color, had simply decided it wasn't going to stick around where it clearly wasn't appreciated and left.





Chapter 6: The Line Not Crossed

The cobbler's shop is the sort of place that smells like hard work—leather, glue, and just a hint of resignation. The walls are lined with shelves stacked high with shoes in various states of completion, and the small workspace at the back is illuminated by the dim glow of a single lamp. Outside, the faint jingling of bells and the occasional burst of off-key Hogswatch carols remind everyone that the holiday is fast approaching, whether they like it or not.

Granny Weatherwax pushes open the door with the confidence of someone who has rarely had to knock on one. A small bell jingles, announcing her arrival, and the cobbler—presumably Jeremy Spangler—looks up from his workbench.

He's a slight man with a perpetually startled expression, the sort of person who looks as though he's just remembered something important then forgotten it again. His hands are calloused, his apron smeared with glue, and his manner is polite to the point of apologetic.

"Morning," Granny says briskly, stepping inside and scanning the shop with the air of someone inspecting a pie for undercooked bits. "You Jeremy Spangler?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jeremy says, standing quickly and wiping his hands on his apron. "How can I help you?"

"I need shoes," Granny announces, as though this is a matter of great cosmic importance.

Jeremy nods, already moving to fetch a measuring stick. "Of course, ma'am. Please, have a seat."

Granny sits on the proffered stool, her expression suggesting that she is doing the chair a favor by occupying it. Jeremy kneels and begins measuring her feet with a quiet efficiency that seems to come from years of practice.

The door jingles again, and a small package lands on the counter with a thud. A crow, blacker than ordinary crows and with an air of misplaced dignity, squawks once and flies off, leaving behind a slightly battered parcel wrapped in festive paper.

Jeremy looks up, puzzled. "Oh, that'll be from Uncle Jeremiah Spangler," he says, his tone a mixture of surprise and embarrassment. "He's always sendin' things."

Granny raises an eyebrow as Jeremy retrieves the package. He holds it out to her, his face reddening slightly. "Could you… could you read it for me, ma'am? I, uh, I never learned."

Granny takes the package and unfolds the attached card with the same care she might use to defuse a bomb. The handwriting is neat but unnecessarily elaborate, the sort of script that suggests its author has entirely too much time and too few productive hobbies.

"'To my dear nephew Jeremy,'" Granny reads aloud, her tone flat. "'Wishing you the joys of Hogswatch and the warmth of family. Enclosed is a tin of my finest hot cocoa blend. Do enjoy.'"

Granny stops reading, her lips tightening into a line so thin it could slice paper. Jeremy is smiling, his expression one of pure, unsuspecting delight at the thought of his uncle's generosity. It's the sort of smile that belongs to someone whose idea of severe danger is misplacing a cobbler's last.

  • A cobbler's "last", for those unacquainted with the noble art of shoemaking, is not, as the name might suggest, a dramatic farewell uttered by a dying cobbler. Nor is it the final shoe ever made by a particularly melancholic one. No, a cobbler's last is a sturdy, foot-shaped form, usually made of wood or metal, upon which shoes are crafted into their final shape.

It is, quite literally, the cobbler's foundation. Without it, shoes would flop about like particularly indecisive pancakes, and civilization as we know it would be reduced to barefoot chaos. Misplacing one, then, is the sort of crisis that sends cobblers into fits of despair, much like an artist losing their muse or a wizard misplacing their staff—except with more muttering and considerably fewer magical explosions.

The name, of course, invites confusion, which is why cobblers often sigh heavily when explaining it to the uninitiated. A cobbler's first, second, or third would have been equally important, but alas, the language of shoe-making has never been concerned with making sense to outsiders.


But Granny sees it. Right there, imprinted faintly at the bottom of the card in the finest handwriting money can buy: Receipt No. 492: Poison Delivery (Special Hogswatch Blend). Beneath it, in impossibly smaller print: The Assassin's Guild takes no responsibility for failure to notice this receipt due to poor literacy, poor eyesight, or poor judgment.

Granny freezes, the tin of cocoa suddenly seeming heavier than it should be. It's not just a tin anymore; it's a decision. One of those decisions that sits squarely on your shoulders and grins at you like a cat that knows you've locked yourself out of the house.

Jeremy is smiling, oblivious, his hands busy with the kettle as he chatters about how kind his uncle is to send gifts every year. Kind. The word hangs in the air like a bad smell, clashing terribly with the grim truth printed on the card.

And here's the problem. The conundrum. Granny has no time to waste. Jeremy's death is her ticket to Death, her one chance to fulfill a little girl's wish and beat Hogswatch's ticking clock. But, by reading this letter aloud and not mentioning the fine print, she's crossed a line—a thin, wobbly line that most people wouldn't even see, let alone care about. But Granny sees it. Oh, she sees it clear as day. And she doesn't like it one bit.

It's one thing to let fate take its course; it's another to give it a helpful nudge while looking the other way. She hasn't poisoned Jeremy Spangler, but she's holding the tin that will do it, and that feels uncomfortably close to shaking hands with the assassin who packed it.

And there's the rub. She's never been one to shy away from hard truths, but this one feels particularly thorny. Could she let a blind man walk into traffic if it meant saving another life? Maybe. But could she hand him the stick and wish him luck? No. Not even for all the hours of sand in Death's hourglass.

Under her breath, she mutters something that might be curses or might just be her opinion on the entire business of luck. She picks up the tin, unscrews the lid, and sniffs. The sharp tang of chokeweed hits her nose, unmistakable even through the rich scent of cocoa. A rare herb, elegant in its deadliness, meant to make a death look natural, and about as festive as a lump of coal.

  • Chokeweed, a rare and unfortunately named root which, in small amounts causes cardiac arrest and tastes slightly of mint.

Granny reaches into her cloak, her fingers brushing past the familiar folds of her emergency pouch. Her hand emerges with a pinch of swampwort, the only herb with enough stubbornness to neutralize chokeweed. It has a bitter smell, the kind of smell that says it's been dragged out of the muck but hasn't forgiven you for it.

She crushes the swampwort between her fingers and lets it fall into the tin. The cocoa doesn't protest, but she swears she hears it sigh. Or maybe that's just the weight lifting off her conscience.

By the time Jeremy returns with the steaming kettle, the cocoa is as harmless as a field mouse at a vegetarian convention. He thanks her profusely for reading the card, pours himself a cup, and sips with a contented sigh.

Granny doesn't stay long after that. She adjusts her hat, mutters something about needing to check on other business, and strides out of the shop with the air of someone who has just done the universe a favor and expects no thanks for it.

  • It may be of interest to the reader to note that Jeremy Spangler went on to live a long and prosperous life, though he never could explain why his cocoa always had a faint hint of mint. His uncle, Lord Spangler, fared considerably worse. Three days later, during his Hogswatch Eve feast, he choked on a grape—an indignity made worse by the fact that he'd specifically left his vast fortune to Jeremy under the assumption the young man would be dead by then.

Which, of course, just goes to show that the universe has a sense of humor. A dark, ironic, and slightly herbal one.



Chapter 7: The Problem with Chasing Death

Ankh-Morpork's The Shades are not so much a neighborhood as they are an ongoing argument with reality about what constitutes acceptable living conditions. The streets twist and coil like snakes caught mid-thought, and the shadows have their own agendas, none of which involve being helpful. If you were to ask the average citizen to describe the Shades, they would likely say something along the lines of, "It's where you go if you want to get stabbed—but creatively."

Granny Weatherwax, naturally, does not fit into this equation. She strides through the tangled streets as if she has an appointment with Destiny and fully expects Destiny to apologize for making her wait. Her boots click on the cobblestones, the sound echoing ominously in the silence, and the shadows—usually so full of life, or at least something vaguely wriggling—seem to shrink away from her.

  • From: "Ank Morpork City of One-Thousand Surprises" The Shades, as any self-respecting Ankh-Morporkian will tell you, is not so much a neighborhood as it is a suggestion that the rest of the city should be grateful it's not worse. It's a place where the streets are narrow, the alleys are narrower, and the chances of making it to the other end unscathed are about as slim as a seagull avoiding the barbecue in the Dockside Markets.

Officially, the City Watch patrols the Shades. Unofficially, the Shades patrol themselves, often with knives, clubs, and the sort of creative malice that suggests someone really missed their calling as a playwright. It's a place where people disappear—sometimes willingly, but usually not—and where the shadows seem just a little too eager to help.

If you find yourself in the Shades, either you're very brave, very foolish, or very lost. And if you're none of those things, you're probably there for business, the kind of business that doesn't issue receipts or survive cross-examination.

It's said that the only thing keeping the Shades from consuming the rest of Ankh-Morpork is that even the criminal underbelly who run most of the city doesn't trust it. It's a black hole of morality, where the usual laws of commerce and survival are suspended in favor of rules that seem to have been written like a particularly vindictive dice game.

In short, it's not a place you go looking for trouble. It's a place where trouble is already waiting, sharpening its teeth and wondering whether you'll be worth the effort.


It's said that the last time Corporal Carrot of the City Night Watch patrolled the Shades, the criminals held a union meeting and decided, unanimously, to move to a different part of the city for the evening. Now, with Granny Weatherwax strolling nonchalantly through their turf, they are seriously considering forming a prayer group.

The usual suspects—cutthroats, pickpockets, and miscellaneous ne'er-do-wells—peer at her from behind barrels and doorways, whispering furiously.

"Who is she?" one hisses.

"She's a witch," another replies, in the hushed tone usually reserved for natural disasters or particularly bad omens.

"Well, what's she doing here?"

"Walking."

"That's it?"

"Will you be stopping her then?"

And that, really, sums it up. No one in the Shades is stupid enough to mug a witch. It's not the risk of death that bothers them—dying is practically part of the job description—but the unsettling notion that a witch might decide to do something worse than killing you. Witches have a reputation for leaving people alive in ways that make them wish otherwise.

Granny, for her part, is oblivious to the growing existential crisis she's causing among the local criminal element. She's far too busy being annoyed. She had spent the entire night walking through this den of iniquity, fully expecting at least something to happen. The Shades were supposed to be dangerous, weren't they? People were supposed to meet untimely ends here!

But no. Not so much as a mugging. Granny hasn't even had the satisfaction of glaring someone into unconsciousness.

By dawn, her patience is wearing thin. Time is running out, and Hogswatch Eve is looming like an overzealous aunt who insists on pinching your cheeks. She needs to meet Death, and walking the streets hoping for someone else's misfortune is proving utterly useless.

The obvious solution would be to summon Death directly. The wizards at Unseen University had a whole spell for it—what was it called? The Rite of Ashkente. Yes, that was it. But the thought of involving wizards makes Granny's mouth tighten into a line that could shear sheep. Wizards, in her experience, were prone to unnecessary drama, loud noises, and an unhealthy fascination with food and fire, in that order.

No, there's only one thing for it. If Death won't come to her, she'll have to go to him.

The idea sits heavily in her mind, like a particularly stubborn stone in a stream. She doesn't like it. Not one bit. But it's the only plan she's got. Temporarily dying, just long enough to have a word with Death, isn't exactly ideal, but neither is breaking the heart of a poor, dying girl.

Granny adjusts her hat with a sharp tug and steps purposefully into the growing light of dawn. The Shades watch her go, collectively exhaling as though a storm has passed.

"Right," she mutters to herself. "If Death won't come to me, then I'll just have to knock on his door myself."

The cobblestones, which had been steeling themselves for an inevitable confrontation, sag slightly in relief.




Chapter 8: A Temporary Arrangement

The Assassin's Guild, as always, smells faintly of polished wood, expensive candles, and the sort of incense that implies someone is trying very hard to mask something far less pleasant. Granny Weatherwax strides back through the front gates with her usual air of unshakable purpose, and this time, the guards don't so much as blink. One of them even offers her a respectful nod, which Granny ignores because it's much safer to let people think they're beneath your notice than to actually notice them.

Lord Downey greets her in his office, which looks like the word renovations sounds if you try to say it with a mouth full of water, his expression carefully neutral, though there's an unmistakable flicker of resignation in his eyes. He stands as she enters, gesturing for her to sit, which she doesn't.

"Ah, Mistress Weatherwax," he begins, his voice smooth as a snake on polished marble. "You've returned. I must say, your intervention in the Spangler affair was… fortuitous."

Granny folds her arms, her eyes narrowing slightly in confusion which she masks carefully. "Didn't do it for you."

"Of course not," Lord Downey says quickly, though his tone suggests he's perfectly happy to take credit regardless. "However, it seems you've saved the Guild from what could have been a most… embarrassing situation."

Granny raises an eyebrow but says nothing, so he continues. "Lord Spangler's payment, you see, failed to clear. An unfortunate oversight, I'm sure, but it meant the inhumation would have been"—he grimaces faintly, as though the very idea pains him—"pro bono."

Granny snorts. "You lot don't kill unless there's a fat purse in it, eh?"

"Precisely," Downey replies, his composure slipping just long enough to reveal a flicker of distaste. "It's a matter of principle. We are, after all, professionals."

  • The Assassins' Guild of Ankh-Morpork prides itself on having the most rigorous moral code in the city, which is saying something in a place where the Thieves' Guild operates on an actual quota system for robberies. In fact, the Guild's code is so strict that one wonders how they manage to get any killing done at all.

For starters, an Assassin may only kill for money, and not just any money—it must be a large amount of money. Pocket change is for thugs, and thugs don't wear silk-lined cloaks and practice calligraphy. Furthermore, a proper Assassin leaves a receipt at the scene, ensuring that even the dearly departed can take solace in knowing the job was handled with professionalism.

Of course, fairness is paramount. The Guild insists that the "client" (a polite term for "victim") be given a sporting chance. This means they must be capable of defending themselves—though, conveniently, owning enough wealth to hire bodyguards counts as "capable," whether they've actually done so or not. And while incapacitating bodyguards is acceptable, killing them unnecessarily is considered poor form. After all, good help is so hard to find.

Assassins also have a deep disdain for firearms and anything mechanical that might make the job look too easy. This is not because they're afraid of competition but because such methods lack the requisite style. Without style, one is merely a thug with a higher price tag. An Assassin must exude elegance, boredom, and a faint whiff of being slightly aloof—otherwise, what's the point?

It is this rigid adherence to rules and refinement that sets the Assassins' Guild apart. They are, in their own eyes, artists. Dangerous, impeccably dressed, receipt-leaving artists who occasionally get very cross when their fees bounce.


Granny waves a hand dismissively. "Save your speech. I'm not here to discuss your little code of ethics. I need your help."

That catches him off guard. "My… help?"

Granny nods sharply. "I need to die."

Downey blinks. For a man who runs a guild specializing in death, he looks oddly unsettled by the request. "I beg your pardon?"

"Temporarily," Granny clarifies, as if this makes the request perfectly reasonable. "I need to have a word with Death. Your office smells like it's got the right herbs for the job. Don't tell me you haven't got a poison that'll do it."

Lord Downey recovers quickly, his calculating mind already working through the implications. "We do," he admits. "But I must warn you, Mistress Weatherwax, such an endeavor is not without risk. There is always the… possibility of miscalculation."

Granny fixes him with a glare that could curdle milk at fifty paces. "I'm not here for a lecture. You've got the poison. I've got the plan. All you've got to do is make sure I don't stay dead longer than an hour."

Downey considers her for a long moment, then nods. "Very well. I will prepare the necessary compounds. However, I must insist on administering the antidote myself to ensure—"

Granny cuts him off with a sharp gesture. "You just make sure it works."

True to his word, Lord Downey assembles the required ingredients with the kind of meticulous care that suggests he takes no small amount of pride in his craft. The poison, when presented, is contained in a delicate glass vial, its contents swirling faintly with an iridescent sheen that reeks of showboating.

Granny eyes it with suspicion. "That's not going to do something fancy, is it? I don't need no fireworks."

"Of course not," Downey assures her, though there's a faint trace of amusement in his tone. "It is perfectly… subtle."

She takes the vial, turning it over in her hands. The weight of the moment settles heavily on her, though she doesn't let it show. Trusting someone else to bring her back—a man like Lord Downey, no less—is a gamble of the highest order. But with time running out, she has no choice.

She sits, tips the vial back, and drinks. The taste is bitter, like regret mixed with over-steeped tea, and it burns all the way down.

"An hour," she says, her voice already fading. "Don't you dare be late."

And then she slumps forward, her body going limp.

For a moment, all is still. Then a faint shimmer rises from her form, like heat off a summer road. Granny's spirit stands, adjusting her hat as if nothing has happened.

"Well," she mutters, glancing back at her body with mild disapproval. "That's a sight."

Lord Downey, to his credit, doesn't flinch but catches her body and lowers it gently to the floor, bending over it with a look that manages to encompass a war between frightful concern and forced apathy. "Good luck, Mistress Weatherwax," he says, his voice steady. "I do expect a decent story out of this… further irregularity."

Granny doesn't dignify him with a reply, not that he could have heard it in her current ethereal state. With a determined expression, she taps her foot and somewhere, in the distance, the faint clink of a scythe echoes like a clock ticking down.



Chapter 9: An Appointment with the Inevitable

Granny Weatherwax stands beside her body, arms folded, foot tapping against the invisible floor of what can only be described as a very efficient sort of void. There's a faint hum in the air, like the echo of a distant clock, though it doesn't seem to be measuring time so much as reminding it to behave.

"This is takin' too long," she mutters, glaring at the shimmering nothingness around her. "Always said bad manners are a sign of bad character. And lateness is the worst of all."

After what feels like an eternity—but likely is only fifty minutes or so, because eternity has a way of making itself known—there's a ripple in the air. A figure emerges, tall, cloaked, and skeletal, carrying a scythe that gleams with the kind of precision that suggests someone has been polishing it out of habit.

Death steps forward, his empty sockets fixed on Granny, his posture as dignified as a monarch about to grant an audience. His voice, when it comes, resonates like the final note of a symphony played in the key of inevitability.

"I APOLOGIZE FOR THE DELAY, MISS WEATHERWAX. I WAS... NOT EXPECTING YOU."

Granny sniffs, unimpressed. "I reckon you weren't. But here I am. And here you are, finally."

Death tilts his head, a motion that suggests curiosity rather than offense. He produces an hourglass with a flick of his bony hand, holding it up to examine. The sand inside trickles slowly, far too slowly for someone who ought to be dead.

"YOUR TIME IS NOT YET COME," he states, the words carrying the weight of certainty that only Death can muster.

"That's obvious," Granny replies, her tone sharp enough to make the void flinch. "I've got a job to do, and it involves you. There's a little girl back in Ankh-Morpork, dying faster than she ought to be, and all she wants is her cat back. Threepaws. You've got his hourglass, I reckon."

Death's sockets seem to narrow slightly, though his tone remains calm. With another flick of his hand, he conjures a second hourglass. This one is small and empty, its grains long since spent.

"THREEPAWS. A CAT. NINE LIVES. ALL ACCOUNTED FOR."

Granny's gaze sharpens. "And why can't he have a tenth? What's one more life to a cat who's already cheated you nine times?"

Death hesitates, a rare pause for a being who is usually so certain. "NO ONE CHEATS ME. CATS SIMPLY DO NOT FOLLOW THE SAME RULES AS OTHERS. THEY SEE ME. THEY KNOW ME. AND YET, THEY REMAIN... UNBOTHERED EIGHT OUT OF NINE TIMES."

"Sounds like you like 'em," Granny observes, her eyes narrowing.

"I FIND THEM... INTRIGUING," Death admits. "THEY ARE UNLIKE DOGS, WHO BARK, OR HUMANS, WHO BEG AND FEAR. CATS SIMPLY... ACCEPT ME."

"Then you'll understand why this one needs to go back," Granny presses. "A little girl's wish is depending on it. Hannah Long. Her candle's burnin' too fast, and I reckon you've noticed."

Death nods, producing another hourglass. This one glows faintly, its sand trickling with a rhythm that seems hurried, as though it knows time is short.

"HANNAH LONG. A BRIGHT LIGHT, BUT A BRIEF ONE. HER FLAME HAS A COMFORTING STEADINESS TO IT, DOES IT NOT?"

"Well, it won't comfort her much longer if you don't help," Granny says firmly. "Flip the cat's hourglass over. Make it match hers. Seems fair, doesn't it?"

Death regards her silently, his skeletal hands holding the empty hourglass. Then he speaks, his tone deliberate and measured.

"FAIRNESS IS NOT WITHIN MY JURISDICTION. I AM IMPARTIAL. TO FAVOR ONE IS TO DISRUPT THE BALANCE."

Granny leans in, her expression a steely mix of resolve and irritation. "Don't give me that nonsense about balance. You're telling me you've never had a bit of sand left over? All those folks who show up early, wastin' your time. And don't tell me you're so efficient there's no extra grains tucked away somewhere. You must have a pinch or two lying around."

Death tilts his head, his sockets unreadable, though his posture suggests a faint flicker of discomfort.

"SUCH SAND SOMETIMES EXISTS," he admits after a pause, his voice heavy with the weight of a cosmic confession. "BUT IT IS NOT MINE TO GIVE. IT IS... RESIDUAL, AND ITS USE WOULD BE... IRREGULAR."

Granny's eyes narrow. "Irregular… I seem to hear that word a lot lately and I'm gettin' a bit fed up with it! You're Death! The ultimate regularity. You're tellin' me you can't bend a rule for once? You've got all the time in the universe. Surely you can spare some of it to think this over."

Death shifts his scythe slightly, the movement deliberate. "TO DO SO WOULD BE TO BREAK THE NATURAL ORDER. SUCH FAVORITISM IS NOT ONLY FORBIDDEN BUT... UNWISE."

Granny doesn't miss the hesitation in his tone, the reprimand. "You're not wrong," she says, surprising even herself with the sudden concession. "Rules are rules. I'm a witch; I know that better than most. The natural order keeps things runnin' smooth."

Death inclines his head, a faint gesture of acknowledgment. "THEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHY IT CANNOT BE DONE."

"But understanding don't mean acceptin'," Granny counters, her voice hardening again. "And rules or not, there's always exceptions, ain't there? There's always those times when fate, or chance, or whatever's out there nudges things just a little. You can't tell me you've never seen it happen."

"IT HAS OCCURRED," Death admits, the words precise, deliberate.

"Well then," Granny presses, "why not here? Why not now? You've got sand for wishes, don't you? Some extra set aside for when the universe decides to be kind. I reckon there's even a little left over from old fools like me, turnin' up early and windin' up stayin' for supper. Why not let it fall where it's needed?"

Death pauses, his skeletal fingers tapping gently on the hourglass in his hand. The sound is soft but carries the weight of countless centuries. "TO GRANT SUCH A REQUEST WOULD BE... UNEVEN. AND YET..."

Granny leans back, sensing the faintest crack in his otherwise unyielding demeanor. "And yet," she echoes, watching him carefully. "Think on it. That little girl deserves more than what she's got, and all she's askin' for is her cat back. Ain't that worth breakin' the rules just this once?"

The void around them seems to still, as if the very concept of time has paused to listen. Death stands motionless, his head tilted as though considering a question too vast even for him. But before he can answer, the faint pull of reality begins to tug at Granny's form, her spectral presence flickering like a candle caught in a draft.

"YOUR TIME MARCHES ON," Death notes, his voice quieter now, almost contemplative, "I WILL… CONSIDER MATTERS."

Granny scowls as her form begins to dissolve. "Consider? Consider will you!? Well don't think you've heard the last of me, because I'll be back if I have to. Mark my words."

And with that, she is gone, yanked back into the physical world with all the grace of a sack of potatoes being dropped onto a cart.

Far away, in the timeless void of his domain, Death stands alone, staring at the faintly glowing hourglass labeled Threepaws. His skeletal fingers hover over it for a long moment before he sets it down on his desk, its empty chamber reflecting the faint light of Hannah Long's still-burning candle.
  • Death's desk is a masterpiece of existential furniture. It occupies the majority of his study, though the room itself seems unconcerned with spatial constraints, as if the laws of physics were too reverent to impose their will here. It is vast, sprawling, and covered in candles—thousands upon thousands of them—each representing a life. Some burn tall and steady, others sputter precariously. There are no rules to their arrangement, no alphabetical order or logical grouping. The desk simply is, much like its owner, and neither feels the need to explain itself.

Hannah Long's candle is not particularly tall, nor is it particularly elaborate. It sits quietly amidst the chaos of flickering flames, a small, unassuming beacon. Yet, its light is different. It is brighter than most, not in an overwhelming way, but in a pure, uncomplicated glow that seems to push back the shadows with quiet determination. It is the light of a life lived simply, contentedly, without guile or pretense. It is not the kind of light that burns for long, but it is the kind that leaves an impression.

Death finds himself drawn to it more often than he would admit. Its glow brings a peculiar sense of joy, though he would never use such a word—it feels far too mortal. He cannot explain it, which is unsettling, because Death does not deal in mysteries. He is, by nature, the final answer to all questions. And yet, here is this tiny candle, casting a warmth he cannot ascribe to the inevitability of endings. It is not in his nature to feel. But still, there is something in that light—a small, bright defiance against the very concept of him—that he finds... reassuring.

Granny, for her part, feels the pull of reality like a hook dragging her by the scruff of the neck, and then she is abruptly back in her body. She sits up with a jolt, coughing violently as air rushes back into her lungs. The transition is neither graceful nor pleasant.

"Bloody damn fool of a process!" she snarls, her voice hoarse but furious. It is not the sort of language that anyone would expect from a woman of her standing, which is precisely why it makes Lord Downey flinch.

He watches her carefully, standing just out of arm's reach as though she might lash out in her disorientation. "Was he… amenable?" Downey ventures, his tone cautious.

Granny glares at him, her face a thundercloud of irritation. "Amenable? Hah! Death's just like the rest of 'em. All talk, no decisions, and plenty of 'we'll see' and 'highly irregular.'" She adjusts her hat with a decisive tug and swings her legs off the couch, standing on still-wobbly feet. "No straight answer, no spine when it matters. Typical."

Downey frowns, unsure whether she means Death or men in general, though he suspects it's both. "Then what will you do now?"

Granny's eyes narrow, and a steely determination sets her features into a mask that could intimidate a statue. "I'm goin' to do what needs doin', that's what. If Death won't budge, I'll have to involve the one thing that makes men and the gods themselves tremble, or so I hear."

Lord Downey's eyes widen, genuine fear flickering in their depths. "You don't mean… her?"


  • There are many ways to invoke fear in Ankh-Morpork, but the particular brand of dread Lord Downey's voice carried when he said "her" was reserved for only one person. Not a god, nor a demon, nor even the Patrician himself could inspire that particular blend of reverence and terror. No, when someone said "her" with that much unspoken horror, they could only mean Mrs. Cake.

Mrs. Cake is an institution, a phenomenon, and possibly an unlicensed deity, though the cosmic jury on that last part is still in recess. She is a stout, bustling woman whose floral dresses seem to shout "domesticity!" with the force of a foghorn, and whose hat looks perpetually prepared to do battle with an uncooperative universe. She runs a boarding house filled with residents no one else would take. She is unfailingly polite, maddeningly insistent, and as immovable as a mountain that also serves tea.

Her gift—or possibly curse—is to know exactly what you're about to say before you've even thought of it, and to answer it in a way that leaves you convinced she's right, whether or not she actually is. Most people find this unnerving. The gods find it infuriating. Mrs. Cake is the only mortal being who can turn divine will into a nervous cough.

Men, when frustrated by things beyond their control, take the names of gods in vain. The gods, of course, do the same. But the name they use is Mrs. Cake.






Chapter 10: A Knock at the Door

The boarding house of Mrs. Cake is a study in contradictions, much like the woman herself. Its architectural style could be described as "make it fit, somehow" and seemed to defy gravity, logic, and the building regulations of Ankh-Morpork all at once. Inside, however, it was clean, tidy, and ruthlessly organized in a way that made even chaos feel self-conscious. The house didn't just exist; it persisted.

Granny Weatherwax's knock reverberates through the thick wood like a declaration of intent. The door swings open before the second knock can land, and there stands the woman herself, solid as a troll birthday cake and twice as immovable. She has the look of someone who already knows what's about to be said but is graciously allowing it to be said anyway.

"Evenin', Esme," Mrs. Cake says, her voice warm but lined with the steel of someone who regularly bargains with the supernatural over tea. "Come in for a cuppa, why don't you?"

"I won't, thank you kindly," Granny replies, her tone making it clear that the offer was as unnecessary as inviting the tide to come in. "I'm here to tell you somethin' important."

Mrs. Cake steps aside anyway, the space in the doorway radiating expectation. Granny remains rooted on the doorstep, cloak swirling in the crisp evening breeze.

Granny clears her throat and announces with the kind of authority that demands attention from mortals, gods, and passing pigeons alike: "Come Hogswatch Eve at midnight, a special present'll be arrivin' for young Hannah Long. A surprise, no less." She pauses, then adds for good measure, "A very special one."

Mrs. Cake raises an eyebrow. "And who's deliverin' this special surprise, then?"

Granny's chin lifts slightly, her voice rising as if addressing the air itself—or someone lurking just beyond it. "Death. Himself. The gift'll be Threepaws, returned safe and sound, because it turns out he weren't dead after all, just on his eighth life." She folds her arms, her glare daring the universe to contradict her. "And I'll bet he'll stay for a cuppa too, what with all the trouble he's puttin' me through."

Mrs. Cake doesn't flinch, but the faintest twitch of a smile crosses her lips. "Bold of you, Esme, to be arrangin' Death's social calendar."

"It's not arrangin'," Granny snaps. "It's headology. Say somethin' firm enough, often enough, and the universe'll come round to your way of thinkin'. And Hogswatch Eve, well, that's when the universe is most obligin' to a bit of persuasion."

Mrs. Cake tilts her head thoughtfully. "And if Death don't oblige?"

Granny's eyes narrow into slits sharp enough to shear wool. "He will. And if he don't, well... there's always you, Mrs. Cake."

The smile vanishes from Mrs. Cake's face faster than a thief caught in the act. Even the air around her seems to hesitate, suddenly unsure whether it should stick around or make itself scarce.

Mrs. Cake's voice drops an octave, though her tone remains unnervingly calm. "Esme Weatherwax, are you usin' me as leverage?"

Granny doesn't answer directly, which is, of course, an answer in itself. "Let's just say Death knows what's good for him. And what's good for him is to do as he's told. Because if there's one thing the gods, the universe, and even Death himself understand and I will freely admit, it's that when Mrs. Cake's expectations get involved, nobody leaves happy, in fact, nobody leaves a'tall, if they're not met, or so I hear."

Mrs. Cake studies Granny for a long moment, then nods. "Fair enough."

Granny steps back, adjusting her hat with a final tug and raising her voice once more to the empty air. "And don't forget to poke holes in the box before you wrap it! I won't have that cat suffocatin' before he even gets to the girl!"

The night doesn't respond, though it feels slightly warmer for a moment, as though the cool night air had shuffled awkwardly under Granny's gaze. She turns without another word, cloak snapping behind her as she marches into the darkness.

From the shadows of the boarding house a young girl coughs in her sleep, her breath frail but steady, for now.

Far beyond the mortal plane, a skeletal figure pauses in his work, as though sensing his name being invoked in a way that boded ill. He tilts his head toward an hourglass on his desk, its faint glow casting long shadows, and for a brief moment, the inevitable feels... evitable.

  • The thing about the inevitable is that it's surprisingly good at not happening, at least when people are paying attention. It's like a cat walking across a precarious shelf; so long as everyone's watching, it'll make a show of balance and grace, as though it had planned to be on that shelf all along. The moment no one's looking, however, it'll topple three priceless heirlooms and a vase.

The inevitable has a reputation for being, well, inevitable, but this is largely due to excellent public relations. In truth, it's as prone to hesitation as the rest of us. Give it a strong enough stare, a well-placed hat, and the right combination of stubbornness and audacity, and the inevitable will usually shuffle its feet, clear its throat, and ask if perhaps it might come back later.

In fact, many of the most inevitable things in history have only happened after someone said things like, "Oh, go on then, if you must" and "Hold my beer" and "it couldn't possibly."






THE END


Or at least… it should have been…. if a certain user on Sufficient Velocity hadn't made a secret santa wish of their own and if that wish had not, like Hannah's wound up in the wrong place…




Epilogue: The Inevitable Evitability of It All
That, by all accounts, is where the story should have ended with Death as immovable and implaccable as… himself.

It did end there, in fact, at least until a user in the Sufficient Velocity forum made the heartfelt wish of receiving a story from a writing prompt that bore an uncanny resemblance to this exact tale. What user LuciDreamer did not realize was that their wish, much like that of Hannah Long, got slightly misfiled during its journey through the multiverse of ones and zeroes that pretends to be the internet. Instead of landing in the hands of a benevolent Hogfather or a bored Muses' Guild, it arrived with the NSA—or rather, a more obscure branch of it: the No Such Monastery.

The monks of the No Such Monastery are a secretive and surly lot, tasked with ensuring that history, in all its sprawling, inconvenient detail, follows the proper track. Their archives are filled with the History Books—20,000 tomes, each ten feet tall, weighing several tons, and requiring a magnifying glass to read the script. These monks understand the phrase "it is written" in ways that most people would find deeply unsettling. What people don't realize, however, is that some things—like the wish of a small child—can scribble themselves into the margins of those books, causing no end of frustration for the monks.

Children, the monks have often said, are the natural enemies of history.

Thus, on the eve of Hogswatch, the most senior monk of No Such Monastery tried to trace LuciDreamer's misplaced wish and determine whether a misplaced Christmas prompt constituted a breach of cosmic protocol.

Death sat down at his desk.

Death, of course, had already checked to confirm that no wishing sand existed in his domain. He was very thorough about such things. And yet, as Death sits at his desk, the quiet of eternity is disturbed by a faint and familiar sound: the soft hiss of running sand. This is not unusual—sand runs all the time in Death's domain, for obvious reasons—but it is not supposed to be running here. It is a sound out of place, like laughter at a tax office or competence in the postal service.

He pauses, skeletal fingers mid-tidy, and reaches into the folds of his robe, which contain more dimensions than even he has catalogued. After a moment of searching, he pulls out a small hourglass. Its label reads "Threepaws," and for a moment, Death tilts his head in the universal expression of someone staring at a puzzle where the pieces don't quite fit.

The sand is falling. This should not be.

Cats, as everyone knows—or as everyone should know—are allotted nine lives. Not because the universe is kind, but because cats are notoriously hard to kill, and nine lives is simply a bureaucratic convenience. According to Death's impeccable records, Threepaws had used all nine. Nine lives, neatly spent, as neatly as anything can be where cats are concerned.

And yet, here it is, running right-side up, sand trickling down in a steady stream, oblivious to the metaphysical chaos it is causing. And there, in his own book, the number: Eight, not Nine in his own penmanship.

Death examines the hourglass closer. This time it is undeniable: only eight lives have been spent. Somewhere, somehow, the ninth life had been reinstated. Death turns the hourglass in his hands, checking for cracks, cosmic anomalies, or perhaps some form of divine practical joke. The sand continues to flow, smooth as inevitability itself.

What's more, the hourglass is upright. This bothers him more than he would admit. Hourglasses, particularly those for cats, follow a precise flipping logic—or as precise as anything concerning cats ever is. Their ninth and final life, the last flip of the hourglass, is supposed to run backwards, the hourglass flipped in a distinctly odd-numbered inversion, just as it had for every other cat in history. The sand should be tumbling up from bottom to top, defying gravity as naturally as cats defy furniture. But here it is, running right-side up, as though the hourglass had been flipped ten times, not nine.

"HOW INTERESTING," Death says, aloud but to no one. He tilts the hourglass experimentally, but the sand continues its downward journey with the serene arrogance of a thing that knows it is exactly where it should be.

If Death were capable of feeling perplexed, this would certainly be the moment. But perplexity, like laughter or curry, is a mortal thing, and Death is nothing if not consistent. Instead, what he feels is the faintest echo of a question—one of those persistent, niggling thoughts that lingers in the back of the mind long after it has been dismissed. It is not wrong for the hourglass to be running this way. But it is not right, either. Like him, it simply is.

Satisfied that the hourglass is behaving, even if its behavior is inexplicable, Death sets it aside and reaches for a small black box. Carefully, methodically, he begins poking air holes into the lid. This is not strictly necessary—Death does not deal in necessity—but it is proper. Cats do not appreciate suffocation, no matter how metaphysical the circumstances. A small black ribbon is tied neatly around the box, because Death, if nothing else, appreciates presentation.

As he finishes, he glances once more at Threepaws' hourglass, the sand now quietly running itself out. The symmetry of it is almost comforting. Almost. But in the back of his mind—or whatever Death has in place of one—there lingers the faintest suspicion, the kind one gets when mopping a floor so clean that the act of mopping itself seems suspicious.

"PERHAPS," he says to himself, "I HAVE MISSED SOMETHING."

But he doesn't dwell on it. After all, there are always more hourglasses, more lives, and more sand. And besides, there are roasted chestnuts ushering him to immediate action.

Death placed the hourglass back on the shelf and tucked the small black box with its delicate black ribbon into the folds of his robe.

By midnight on Hogswatch Eve, Death arrives at Mrs. Cake's house with the kind of punctuality only an anthropomorphic personification can manage.

Mrs. Cake, ever the force of nature, greets him with a steaming cup of tea. She doesn't ask why he's there, because Mrs. Cake never asks questions she already knows the answers to.

Upstairs, Hannah Long waits, her breath thin but steady, her wide eyes fixed on the door. When it opens, and she sees the small black box cradled in Death's skeletal hands, she sits up, trembling with both frailty and excitement.

Death places the box on her bed with care. "OPEN IT," he says, his voice both infinite and oddly gentle.

The ribbon comes undone, the lid lifts, and out leaps Threepaws, purring as he lands on her lap. For a moment, the candle of Hannah's life burns a little brighter and her sand runs just a touch slower.

Death watches silently, smiling—because a polished skull can make no other expression—as the little girl hugs her cat, her laughter ringing out like chimes. The room feels lighter, as if even the shadows have stepped back to give joy a little more space.

Downstairs, Mrs. Cake pours another cup of tea and raises an eyebrow as Death descends the stairs. "Stayin' for another cuppa?" she asks, her tone suggesting it wasn't really a question.

"NO," Death replies. "OTHERS AWAIT ME. MANY ARE CURRENTLY CHOKING ON ROASTED CHESTNUTS, AND I AM RATHER OVERDUE."

Mrs. Cake nods sagely. "Good parties, Hogswatch dinners. Bad food safety."

Death tips his head in polite agreement, adjusts his scythe, and steps into the night.

For one moment—just one—the universe had bent, reshaped itself around a wish so simple and pure that it couldn't be ignored. On Hogswatch, the rules relaxed, and even inevitability hesitated.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't just. Like Death, it simply was.

And that, truly, is where the story ends.

I swear... I did try to keep it short... but I had SO MUCH FUN with the outline I just had to follow through on the whole thing... It is short though, for me, only 15K words. And if it doesn't make your eyes wet on occasion and make you laugh on other occasions... then you need a hug :)
 
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I'm knee deep in finals so I won't be able to start for a few days yet… not that I haven't had tons of ideas, though, which are tearing me apart! It'll be nice to finally be free from writing about regulatory takings jurisprudence, at any rate… grumblegrumblegrumble.
 
Kitsune_Obsessed's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
The Dragon's Dilemma.
When Gargantia was born, she already knew the days he would die, and how it would come to pass.

It would be a cold winter night, surrounded by vast armies and the slaughtered masses of all those who she would come to love and cherish, the descendants of people she would from birth to become the finest of scholars and aristocrats, not one of them being a warrior of any renown.

The blood of women and children would flood the streets as the hero of light came through her nation to cleanse them in her so-called holy flame. Such hypocrisy could only come from arrogance and the belief that they were righteous in their ways.

Of course, this would come to pass because she, as the dark prophetess, would drunkenly tell the world of her nightmares after being captivated by the love of her life, and having a week of non-stop passion. The tales of her drunken whispers never being forgotten, and instead mistaken for a holy prophecy thousands of years later rather than a true horrified plea for it not to become the truth.

Such was the price to pay for drinking heavily during the most important time of ones life, and she knew in every way that life would continue for long after she had been murdered. Her people would pick up their arms, the nations would cast down religion as heresy in and of itself, and the world would enter a golden age of enlightenment, escaping the planet to travel the very stars themselves under the guidance of one of her descendants.

And yet, even as she grew older, the time getting ever so steadily closer to that fated day, she couldn't help but wonder. "Could it have all been avoided? Mayhaps my fate might not end with this final destruction, but instead, I could potentially survive?" she asked, despite knowing the futility of it all.

Her servant, a young drow from the realm of the underdark, seemed to think otherwise. "Milady, is it not better to enjoy what life you do have, even knowing that it will end one day? After all, you have said it yourself. You will find love, and through your love for your people — and your untimely demise — be the catalyst that saves everyone from a fiery death when the guiding stars erupt for their final time."

Gargantia sighed. Indeed, she knew this to be true, but it did not hurt any less when presented to her in such a way.

Perhaps she would feel better once she had eaten. Yes, she would always be fond of sweet things. Cakes, candies, fruits, if it was sweet, then she could only enjoy it immensely.

It was how she would find her lover after all. He would be the sweetest man, a baker with a passion for the salty, and the one who would introduce her the most blessed treat of them all: the salted caramel taffy.

Such a union of salty and sweet, she could only imagine what it would taste like in person! If only she could…

"Ah," Gargantia realized. She had found her reason to live for, as petty as it was.

A discovery of self-reflection as to why she had never removed herself from existence by now, despite her horrid fate. Something selfish, and covetous, even mildly gluttonous of her. How amusing.

"Is something the matter, Milady?" her servant asked with a small, knowing smile.

"Tell me, Kain. How is it that despite all the things I could see as a result of my life and death, or even the feelings of love I have for one man, the thing that drives me to continue living the most is the delicious treats I may receive one day?" the largest, wisest dragon of them all asked with a curious tilt of her head. Her rumbling chuckles filled her bedroom with a sense of warmth as she continued to smile.

"Is that not the nature of all dragons? To be greedy and selfish until the end?" Her servant snorted at the thought. "It's not a bad thing, Milady, only natural."

"Then so be it. I shall indulge to my hearts content, and do my best to put it out of my mind while I record all of time in the mother crystals within my heart," Gargantia claimed with a solemn vow. After all, so long as a single piece of her heart remained, her mother crystal would grow from it, sharing her cultivated magic with the people. Thus, all she needed to do was grow fat and heavy, so that her heart would be fulfilled.

A recording of a more turbulent time, stored deep within the mother crystal for her descendants.

Banged this out as quickly as I could! I hope it is well received, but I don't really know if I'm supposed to say who it's for or what? How do they know it's theirs?
 
Banged this out as quickly as I could! I hope it is well received, but I don't really know if I'm supposed to say who it's for or what? How do they know it's theirs?

I think everyone is supposed to troll the whole thread and read all of them to figure out where theirs is?
I just announced at the start of the story which prompt it was for to make it easier for people... cause otherwise it's a bit tedious? IMHO
 
…guys, it's in the rules as to what you're supposed to do. In italics, at that.



The staff will add who it's for on Christmas, since they have the prompt master list.


To be fair, it's been over a week since I joined I think now, and I have had a very long and busy week full of crisis after crisis, trying to use my commissions payments to keep my friend from ending up on the street.

It's been hectic and kinda harsh, so forgive me for forgetting a rather small detail, and not having the time to go read through the entire rule list when I'm in the middle of a collaboration with someone else that I got dragged into just after writing my secret santa post.
 
theguynamedwafer's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Not sure how well I did the prompt, but I'm standing by this.

Fenrir stirred.

Such a thing was not an uncommon occurrence within it's lunar prison, but rarely anything came of it, for there was never a way to escape. Now though, Fenrir sensed that the shackles which had been binding them for so long had weakened enough that their greatest fantasy was possible: escape.

Seizing the opportunity, Fenrir gathered all of its power-for they did not require followers to derive power from their belief-and burst free from its lunar prison.

Fenrir emerged from their prison, fangs bared while in the form of a primordial, shadowy wolf, ready for a confrontation with their jailers, only to blink in confusion as they were greeted with nothing but the barren surface of the world's moon. Thinking that some kind of trick was at play, Fenrir sniffed at the void while glancing about, only to realize that, indeed, there was nothing on the entirety of the world's natural satellite to oppose them.

Further confused, Fenrir glanced to the stars. At a glance, the wolf of destruction was able to determine that...over 20,000 years had passed?!

In disbelief, Fenrir shook their head and examined the stars more closely. Indeed, from the movement of the celestial bodies not of the world, at least 20,000 years had passed. Possibly more, given that the method of Fenrir's choice was...unreliable past that point.

On a hunch, Fenrir inhaled deeply, eyes glowing, and peered into the weave of existence, searching for the pantheon. To their surprise, they found an entirely different pantheon of gods in place, and, if they were interpreting things correctly...none of the current pantheon had any knowledge of them.

At this, Fenrir's spirits soared. An unaware pantheon? What an opportunity! A chance to destroy all of existence, all of creation, properly this time.

Fenrir bared their fangs and made to pounce toward the current pantheon's divine abode when a twinge of doubt wracked every fiber of their being. The old gods had managed to imprison them before. What was preventing the new gods from doing the same?

Fenrir glanced toward their old prison and shuddered. There were even odds that the new gods would be able to simply kill Fenrir, or only be able to imprison them. If the new gods were only capable of the latter...

Even a god can come to loathe isolation. Fenrir knew this all too well.

Fenrir paced about, anxiously stewing in their own thoughts. Succumb to instinct and likely be imprisoned again, likely for eternity this time, or avoid that ignoble fate?

In the end, the desire for freedom won over Fenrir's natural instincts, and so they decided to instead make for the surface of the world to see what had changed within the past 20,000 plus years.

Before they reached the surface of the world, Fenrir realized that their current form might not be the best for traveling...discreetly.

A quick glance into the weave of existence confirmed that lupine humanoids existed in the current state of the world, and so, while approaching a road leading to a coastal city, Fenrir mulled over what form to take.

A full-on lycanthrope? No, that risked succumbing to their destructive instincts...

A wolfish beastman? No to that as well. There was just something wrong to Fenrir about a creature like that, with an animalistic appearance but walking and talking like a human.

Otherwise human-looking, but with lupine ears and tail? Now there was a good start.

Furred limbs? Only the arms, and only a little past the elbows. Fenrir was loathe to give up a good set of claws.

Male or female? Fenrir recalled the rather painful castration they had suffered in the process of being imprisoned. They could regrow the proper anatomy at any time, but...

Well, even after 20,000 plus years, Fenrir was not keen on risking feeling that kind of pain again. For the foreseeable future, Fenrir would be a woman.

Hair and fur color? Silver-grey, with her hair going down halfway to her waist. Eyes? Bright yellow. Height? Tall, but not excessively so. Body type? Muscular, but not Amazonian. Bust? Ample, but not titanic. Rear? Shapely and attractive.

Having decided on the finer details of her new appearance, Fenrir finished her descent to the surface of the world. As she emerged into the mortal realm, a quick glance into the weave of existence informed her choice of clothing: a simple pair of trousers, a grey, short-sleeved shirt, and a pair of plain leather shoes.

Having emerged into the mortal realm once again, Fenrir soaked in the sights, sounds, and smells around her before walking over to a nearby pond and checking her reflection.

Oh yes, I'd lay in bed with me. Fenrir thought to herself.

Satisfied with how she'd shaped her new appearance, she made her way back to the road.

And was immediately set upon by a group of bandits.

Being a god of destruction, Fenrir easily rent the group to pieces with her bare hands. Taking their coin, she made her way to the nearby coastal city.

What she saw of the population there was...fascinating. In addition to humans and Amazons, there were humanoids with pointed ears and exclusively female creatures with a human upper half and a piscine lower half. There were also lupine humanoids that she'd modeled her current guise after, of course, in addition to a different humanoid variant: this one had scaled, reptilian arms and legs, in addition to horns, and a pair of scaled wings on their back.

"What manner of people are these?" Fenrir wondered out loud.

"You're not from around these parts, are you, miss?" A jolly human guard said.

"I...l suppose that's true." Fenrir admitted. "I'm only familiar with humans and Amazons, and even then, I don't remember Amazons dressing so...skimpily."

"Ha!" The guard laughed. "Welcome to Tidekeep! I suppose the reason why Amazons tend to dress so provocatively is because they're from the jungle, yeah? Gets awful hot there, so they only dress to cover up the essentials. But you also mentioned you've never seen elves mermaids, or Dracofolk?"

"...no." Fenrir said after a pause.

"Well, elves are the ones with pointed ears. Normal elves are of the fairer complexion, and dark elves are of darker complexions, with the women dressing mighty skimpily. Not to the extent of Amazons, but they always make heads turn." The guard pointed to a stall in the distance.

Fenrir turned and saw a male and female elf perusing the wares, while a female dark elf walked by. Fenrir couldn't help but glance at the dark elf's bust and rear as she disappeared into the crowd.

"Mermaids are the women with fish tails. Mighty pretty, and can sing a good tune." The guard pointed to a nearby canal, with mermaids of numerous tail colors either lounging on the side of the canal, peddling wares, or doing performances for coin.

"And last but not least, Dracofolk. Descended from dragons, they are. Matriarchal, and always wealthy. They say the duller their scale color, the more arrogant they get with age." The guard said.

Fenrir glanced at a pair of Dracofolk-one male and one female-leap into the air and take flight toward the center of the city.

"Take care now, miss. Tidekeep's got plenty of work of all different kinds for a woman like you." The guard gave a friendly wave before walking away.

With Fenrir's head swimming from the introduction of new humanoid species, she absentmindedly walked through Tidekeep for the better part of the day before coming across an ornate temple.

On a whim, she entered. Inside, she saw several statues of the new gods, and several priests going about their tasks. One priest wearing vestments bearing the symbols of all the gods present was in the middle of some kind of ritual.

"Oh Lustiana, grant those who seek love a mate they be happy with, and may you grant those already joined in marriage further happiness. May the next season's harvest be fortified by Mother Gaea, and the mermaids continue to have the favor of Aquanas..."

As the priest continued his prayer for blessings from the new gods, Fenrir fished out a few coins and dropped them into an alms bowl before leaving.

With nightfall, Fenrir let out a sigh.

So much had changed within the last 20,000 plus years. New humanoid species had emerged, and with them, new gods, apparently to replace the old gods.

As she mulled over the implications of such, Fenrir felt something unusual. A destructive presence, similar to herself and yet not quite like it.

Glancing upward, she left the mortal realm and ascended to the realm of the gods. What she saw was not what she was expecting.

An amorphous presence was battling against the new gods, with the pantheon doing everything in its power to beat it back. This amorphous presence of destruction was being held at bay for the moment, but only just.

Fenrir spied a trio of goddesses fighting the presence, and recognized them as Lustiana, goddess of love and beauty, Mother Gaea, goddess of the harvest, and Aquanas, creator goddess of the mermaids.

Retaining her new chosen form, Fenrir moved closer to the trio. Just as Gaea was about to be enveloped by the presence, Fenrir slashed it away with a swipe of her claws.

The three goddesses turned toward her in surprise.

"Who are you?!" Aquanas said in alarm.

"Me? Oh, I'm nobody." Fenrir said facetiously while bowing, her clothes having changed to something resembling what modern Amazons wore.

"Why question this? We could always use more help against the Enders of Things." Gaea said diplomatically.

"Enders of Things? Well, that name is certainly to the point." Fenrir commented. "And how long have you been dealing with them?"

"They have been a thorn in our side ever since the birth of the twin night goddesses." Aquanas explained. "We've been having to periodically fend them off for the past 3000 years."

"And every time they emerge, there's always so much to clean up afterward!" Lustianas complains. "Oh, this is going to take a good 30 years to fix after we're done..."

Fenrir nods.

"I think I can take care of this problem for you...permanently." She said.

The three goddesses before her didn't have any time to process what Fenrir just said before she leapt into the Enders of Things.

Fenrir clawed her way through the Enders of Things' essence before arriving at the core of its being.
"You've been a troublesome thing for the new gods, haven't you?" Fenrir said.

The Enders of Things remained silent, apparently incapable of thought.

"Well, there's only room for one entity of destruction in existence, and I'd rather have that be me, so...begone!" Fenrir yelled, slashing the core of the Enders of Things.

The Enders of Things' essence was rent in twain, with the amorphous presence Fenrir had been feeling dissipating immediately.

Fenrir flopped down on the floor of the divine abode, the act of destroying the Enders of Things having been more exhausting than anticipated. No sooner did she sit up did a trio of war gods surround her, spear, axe, and sword held at her throat.

"What are you?!" The axe-wielding war god barked.

"I help you and this is the thanks I get? You gods are a capricious bunch." Fenrir rolled her eyes.

"Please, lower your weapons. She helped us. Isn't that good enough against something like the Enders of Things?" A god of wisdom said.

The trio of war gods glanced between each other before reluctantly lowering their weapons.

"Thanks." Fenrir said dryly.

"The question stands though: who or what are you? There is no record of you existence." A god of scribes asked.

"Ask no questions and I'll tell no lies. All I ask is that I be allowed to come and go from here as I please and be allowed to roam free. I'll not cause any disorder in the mortal realm, and if something like the Enders of Things emerges again, I'll take care of it. I need no followers, nor do I desire any. Do we have a deal?" Fenrir proposed.

The new gods, having all gathered around Fenrir at this point, glanced among each other. After a few minutes of hushed discussion, the head god stepped forward.

"Your terms are agreeable. We only ask for your name." He said.

"Call me Fenrir." Fenrir smiled.

"Very well. You may come and go from here as you please." The head god nodded.

"But first-" Lustianas suddenly hugged Fenrir from the side.

A collective groan emanated from the assembled pantheon.

"You always want to fuck any attractive humanoid with two legs, Lustianas! At least ask for her permission first!" A god of the forge yelled.

Fenrir chuckled.

"It's no problem this time." She said.

Lustianas squealed in delight before engulfing Fenrir in a deep kiss. The rest of the pantheon groaned before turning away as the two goddesses began to take off each other's clothes.

Yes. This'll be much better than rotting in that lunar prison for another 20,000 plus years. Fenrir smiled.
 
Erien's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
It is said that Christmas is a time of miracles, this is, in essence. True. To a point. Miracle, from the Latin 'Mirus' or 'Wonderful'. The appreciation of something inexplicable, unexpected. This is, in essence, benign. One does not question the magic of the first snowfall, one does not question the feeling of hope in the air. One does not, one cannot. For all have been conditioned from a young age to fall into the miracle of Christmas so that one does not see too far beyond the veil that separates the miraculous uncertainty, from the safety of the mundane. Indeed, 'Miracle', that which could not be explained. It is an easy word to say, dear reader, it is an easy word to write as well. But one must consider the connotations about which such a word arose. The birth of Christ, that which we celebrate this most 'joyous' of holidays, was, indeed, miraculous. The destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah and the destruction of Jericho was miraculous as well. Both these, and other such examples can all be described as miraculous. And, dear reader, as I stare out my window into the Christmas returned once more.

I wonder what it would have been like to live in times with mundane miracles such as those.

I have seen the beings in the twinkling candles, Where the elves laugh and the ghosts plot, where Christmas joy is brought to everyone, everywhere. This is a tale of one man's madness bringing upon the destruction of everything else upon this most joyous of holidays. One man's sheer joy and the desire to see that joy spread to others. Beings, from the past present and future, changing things to suit their whims. It is Christmas.

It is, indeed, miraculous.

And it begins with one Jacob Marley.

I must admit that despite my best efforts of research I have been unable to find anything particularly unique about the man once known as Jacob Marley. Now most commonly known as the 'Spirit of Regret'. A figure, reported by some to be little more than a black wailing void, warning of one's follies as balefire burning chains snap in an invisible gael. Others describe a gaunt, emaciated figure, hardly able to move let alone speak. Yet, in both these and other depictions, 'his' role remains the same. A prophet, to be compared with those of the Far East, foretelling doom and certain suffering as is common amongst their ilk and of the mad Jewish prophets foretold in the tales.

He appears when the night is at its darkest, at first a fragmentary figment playing upon the edges of sense and ignored as mere imagination. Then the figure arises, whether in shadow, in flesh, or in a turbulent mixture of both. Regardless, and inevitably, the result is the same however. A new victim, a new 'celebrant,' another to go mad in the chaotic cacophony that is the eternally eminent and everlasting Christmas.

He, and regardless of appearance Jacob Marley is a 'he'. Foretells of three oncoming spirit prophets, the past, the present, the future. Meant to instill upon his victims a lesson of life wasted. If only one might be settled with only such a small thing as that. But where did this begin, reader? Where did Jacob Marley arise to become such a spirit? Where do the spirits which now play across England come from?

To that, we must focus instead on Ebeneezer Scrooge. His name now whispered with such irregularity due to fear that I hesitate to even put his name upon this page. The Mad Prophet of Christmas, the begetter. While, indeed, Jacob Marley unleashed the spirits of Past, Present, and Future. It was Ebeneezer Scrooge that gave them their power. I can hear him now, dear viewer. Wandering the streets otherwise devoid of sound and life. Crying out about the terrible joy of Christmas. Were I to see him, I would see nothing but a wraith with twinkling madman's eyes devoid of emotion, seeing wonders no longer present there. Do not pity Scrooge, for there is naught left of that man altogether.

How he came to be is yet a mystery, but all know him ever the same. It is believed, per the accounts of the now deceased asylum patient Timothy Cratchit, that he was the first visited by Jacob Marley and the accompanying spirits. And what occurred that terrible night is left a welcome mystery. What followed however, was, of course. Christmas.

An eternal, wonderful, miraculous, Christmas.

The spirits of eld Yule were released, and it would have indeed been a mercy were it just those terrible spirits that speak of life's failures. They play the night now, nevermore allowing Christmas to end. Every night, a new victim, a new Scrooge. There is always a new Scrooge. Mad laughter fills the streets, joys of Christmas, choirs sung by long desiccated remnants of children and candles burning colors never before seen by mortal eyes. A figure of red flits from roof to roof, rewarding the 'innocent' and punishing the sinner. A new light hangs in the sky, an eternal star outshining even the sun with infinite wings that watches all.

I hear his laughter now, old Ebenezer, calling for Nephew Fred, long since taken by the Krampus for speaking against the eternal Christmas our home has found itself trapped in. The days grow longer now, the spirits more powerful. The night, the relief of night, only grows farther away. It is not known what has occurred to the rest of England, for London is made inescapable by the miraculous snowfall that surrounds this once great city. The laughter grows distant now, but even as my pen touches paper I hear them now. The jangling of chains, the shriek of wind. I shall not bear witness to this miracle as I am much longer. If this is the magic of Christmas. Then I can only pray to whatever deity is still listening for salvation from its terrible joy. I leave this to you my letters, my history of what has happened here. For London shall not exist much longer, I cannot put pen to paper to explain everything I have seen, everything that has become of this place. If God does truly exist, if he does watch over us. Then he shall see fit that someone, anyone finds this, before all records have ceased to be.

God bless us, every one.

This was fun! Never written like this before.
 
Vongrak's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Susan sat up abruptly, heart racing before the contents of the room became clear. Christmas decorations covered the walls top to bottom and the floor was filled with colourful bits of red tinsel and a few decorations that weren't so fragile. "CHRISTMAS!" shouted Susan setting her heart racing again as she bottled to the door and straight onto the stairs.

Sliding down the railing, she stumbled a bit at the bottom but managed to keep her feet underneath her as she arrived in the living room where her family were waiting for her with gifts. "Took you long enough," huffed her older sister Hannah from the corner while her younger system Amy sat on the couch half asleep.

Her parents both smiled and waved but didn't really say anything until they all got stuck into the presents. Opening them up one after another. When Amy got to one particular box, Susan happened to glance over to see her pulling something out. "What have you got there?" asked Susan.

"A knife!" shouted Amy in her cute voice and the room burst into laughter. Susan found herself laughing so hard that her side was starting to hurt a bit and there were tears in her eyes. Her lungs were burning and it took her some time to compose herself but she managed it eventually. Wiping away the moisture from her red face Susan went back to opening presents though none in particular stood out.

Once the presents had been open Mum said, "Feel free to go play with your new toys but make sure you're ready for lunchtime,"

Susan nodded and sprinted off, back down the stairs and into her bedroom. She giggled to herself, looking over the contents of the room, nearly tripping on some of the mess but eventually throwing herself back into the bed and pulling her Nintendo Switch out of its red case to play some games.

"LUNCHTIME!" yelled her mother from downstairs, nearly causing Susan to drop the device in panic.

"I didn't think it'd been that long…" mumbled Susan as she put the console away and made her way across the floor to head out and downstairs straight into the kitchen. The food was placed all around the table with various dishes that looked interesting. Her family, Mum, Amy, and Hannah were all gathered around the table already with an open space left for her.

Sliding into her chair Mum said a few words before cutting into the chicken in the centre of the table. The bones crunching under the knife didn't surprise Susan. It had happened before and getting good use out of the marrow was something that Mum's Mum had taught her apparently, so it was all done cleanly, if a bit nasty on the ears.

Passing out the food Susan wasn't really sure what to eat. Trying bits and pieces none of it tasted great… but her mother had TRIED and that was important. It wasn't often she went to such lengths and Susan wasn't going to be the one to complain about it. Hannah had a frown on her face but didn't say anything when Susan glared at her.

"Ouch" hissed Susan. Glancing down she noticed the blood staining her hands and realised she'd managed to cut herself at some point. She tried to wipe it off but the nearest thing had been the table cloth and not it was stained with blood. Glancing around, Mum looked angry but she didn't say anything. Hannah was pointedly looking away.

Lunch ended up being sort of quiet and awkward so Susan left as soon as she could. Dragging Amy away with her and down the stairs to her bedroom. The pair were soon wrapped up in a bundle of blankets and were back to playing games.

"Dinner's ready!" called out Hannah.

Susan frowned, and looked over at Amy who was already on her way out the door. It couldn't be dinner time right? Susan glanced out at the window and showed that the sky was dark already so she followed after Amy, down the stairs once again and onto the back patio were the meal had been set up.

Amy had found herself a seat and was looking around while Hannah stood at the end in front of the barbeque with a knife in hand and a smile on her face. There was no food though. Susan glanced around some more but in a blink Amy was chewing on some noodles. Rubbing her eyes Susan found that there was a plate of noodles in front of her as well, and Hannah had already started eating.

Shrugging off the concern Susan ate dinner without complaint. Susan was careful, making sure not to cut herself this time but couldn't bring herself to eat much. The plate wasn't even half empty when she made an excuse and left the room, heading downstairs to her bedroom and threw herself onto the bed with her eyes closed.

A loud crash sounded from down below. Susan felt a familiar pain in her side as she glanced around. There were more crashes as she carefully left the soft confines of her sheets and carefully made her way to door. The sounds had stopped but something still felt wrong as she carefully opened the door and made her way downstairs. A slight bit of watering on her eyes as fear gripped her heart.

Tip toeing down, one step at a time Susan found herself in the basement and she saw a figure there. It was just Hannah.

I have a lot of thoughts about this and I might end up changing, adding or re-doing things before Christmas but I wanted to have this done and uploaded just in case I end up with nothing better. The other thing is that I want to discuss the prompt and my thought process about it... but obviously I can't/shouldn't so have this as a placeholder to show that I WANT to.

 
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Dr Heaven M.D.'s Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
"Victor?"

The silence of an empty street in winter hit different. All the snow on the floor or falling around me muffled the noise and kept it from bouncing back.

Her voice stood out like thunder in the silence.

She wore a red coat and black pants, standing under an orange streetlight, the only one that still worked on my street. There was a cigarette between her lips, and she'd been striking at a cheap plastic lighter before calling out my name.

I had no idea who she was. Still, I walked over and produced my own lighter, which she cupped her hands around so I could light up her cigarette.

"Do I know you?"

"Nope," she let the tobacco smoke out with each word, not fully breathing it out. "But Tabby told me about you."

My friend Tabby had been raving about some cute blonde with amazing eyes lately. The stranger fit the description, limited though it was.

(I hadn't been picturing "pitch black from pupil to cornea" when Tabby called them amazing, but it still fit in a way.)

"Oh, you're Agatha?"

"The very same."

She gave a little curtsy.

"Right... what brings you here?"

"Walkin' home," she shrugged. "You?"

"The same."

Snowflakes had stopped falling, but they never landed. As I turned my head, I saw them hanging suspended in the air, spinning as if suspended by wires all around us. None filled the air between Agatha and I.

"Something wrong?" she asked.

"I think I'm losing my sanity," I replied.

"We should go find it, then," she said, and turned on her heel to walk off.

I followed without thinking. The space around us never filled with snowflakes even as they started falling again, slowly growing heavier. Agatha's footsteps crunched the snow underfoot, while mine produced the sound of cracking ice.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere, probably," she shrugged.

As we got farther from the only working streetlight, her red coat was the only thing I could follow. The snow around us, forming a tunnel of clear air, had gotten to the point that there was a quiet noise as heavy flakes fell on the floor.

"Is this a dream?" I asked.

"Are you flirting?"

"I'm serious."

"So no. Damn. Well, as far as I can tell this is real, but that doesn't mean it's not a dream."

Another functioning streetlight came up, and we walked under it. As light shone down, I could see that only the red coat was still hanging before me. All other signs of Agatha were missing.

Except her voice.

"You look spooked."

"I am spooked."

"Yeah?"

We left the orange shine of the streetlight, and again the red coat was all I could see.

"You ever think about anglerfish?" I asked.

"Can't say that I do. Or know what they are."

"They're these fish that live really deep underwater. Deep enough that sunlight can't get through all the seawater in the way. And they have these like... fishing lures on their heads, that shine. And other fish go up to see the light and get eaten."

Her red coat was all I could see.

"Sounds interesting," she said. "But I wouldn't say I'm an anglerfish."

"What are you, then?"

"I'm Agatha!"

I chuckled a bit. I could see the shine of another streetlight coming up, white light reflected on our surrounding walls of buzzing snow.

Buzzing?

I didn't dare to look, so I focused on Agatha as she finally stepped into the light again. Bleached bone stood atop the coat, a grinning skull smiling at me over her shoulder.

We walked out of the light, and the skull disappeared, leaving me alone with her luring coat.

"You know," I mentioned. "I don't have a friend named Tabby, now that I think about it. I don't know anyone named Tabby."

"Neither do I."

I stopped walking. So did Agatha.

Looking around, I mustered my courage and looked at what had been snow a minute ago. Fluttering wings under chitinous bodies swirled around us, and when I reached out to touch...

"Not yet," she warned me.

I retracted my hand.

"Am I dead?"

"No."

"Will I be?"

"Eventually, sure."

We started walking again. At some point, the tunnel of free space around us had started getting narrower. I could feel things fluttering near the back of my neck, so I picked up the pace and walked closer to Agatha's coat. Another streetlight was approaching. Orange again. I didn't remember my street being this long, but it'd be stupid to pretend I was still there.

Before we fell under the light, the buzzing snow finally collapsed and fell upon us. I was blinded in an instant, seeing nothing but those crystalline white wings beating as the creatures crawled under my coat and over my body.

I closed my eyes, and opened them to find I was standing alone under the orange streetlight. My breath produced no steam as I looked around, fishing in the pockets of my red coat to produce a carton of cigarettes.

As I looked, a found a snow fox sitting at the edge of the darkness, pitch black eyes gazing at me.

"I see."

She blinked, eyes turning normal as she walked away. I put a cigarette between my lips and started striking at my lighter, failing to produce so much as a spark. Looking up, I found a woman walking under the snow minding her own business.

"Agatha!"

She turned to look at me, then approached, producing her own lighter to chivalrously light my cigarette.

"Do I know you?"

"Nope. But Tabby told me about you."

"Oh, so you're Victor."

"The very same."
 
Fabricati's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Not In On Your Reindeer Games​

Hermes looked at John's ruined bed, the mess made of the door jamb, the smell of livestock. Really, it was a miracle he hadn't been trampled.

Twenty years, all gone in an instant.

It had been a nice life, overall. More fun than he'd ever thought he'd get to have. But the writing was on the wall now. The old man must have finally lost it.

Maybe that was why so many of Hermes's things were in a (trampled accidentally, he was sure) box outside the door.

The sound of a particularly annoyed caribou wafted up from downstairs, but it was muted, muttering.

Even as a caribou, John just had to be a little passive-aggressive, didn't he?

Inside the bedroom, John's phone rang, and Hermes sighed. This, too, he supposed, was part of mourning. He had to answer it.

"Hey, John? I know you texted that you're sick, but we're really swamped right now, can you come in anyway?"

"Hi, this is his- his room-mate, Hermes."

In the distance, a caribou roared.

"The hell was that?"

Hermes resolutely decided against telling the manager that was John, angry that he'd just picked up the phone call from the manager. "Moose mating season, you know how it is."

"-- I suppose. But-- Look, he's just... He's gotta come in, okay? It's really bad."

"It's not going to work," Hermes said. "He's in traction right now."

The skidding of hooves on a wooden floor stomped below, followed by another bellow.

"Everyone's calling in sick! One even tried to tell me his wife became a reindeer!"

Oh. Oh, this wasn't the fat man finally demanding he come back at all.

No, this was something far, far worse. Hermes swallowed. "Yeah, well. I'm about to go visit him in hospital, so I really can't stay and explain any longer."

He hung up just in time for John to arrive, in all his reindeer glory. "Yeah, I know! Don't answer your calls! But you can't exactly answer them, now can you?"

John grumbled.

"I get it. I get it. Look, there's... Something you gotta know. Before I head back up north."

Another long groan, and head gesticulation.

"This is my house, man. I own it. Now calm down. I think I know what's happened."

John gave Hermes a long-suffering stare.

"Yes aside from the obvious," Hermes said, rolling his eyes. He slowly got out a set of cold-weather gear, and slipped it on, sticking his pointed ears into his touque. "Look, I told you I was an elf, right?"

John rolled his eyes incredibly expressively for a caribou.

"No, I'm serious, this is... Elf stuff."

John paused. Groaned.

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure."

Now John laid down, finally waiting for an explanation. Hermes breathed a sigh of relief. Six feet at the shoulder of wild caribou will unnerve anyone, but especially an elf who never cracked five feet. "So I told you I was an Elf the night we first made out and you wondered why the elf ears were staying on. I was still in dentistry school. But... There's elves and elves, and--"

John sighed, loudly.

"Fine! I used to be a Holiday elf and now there's obviously Holiday magic going haywire everywhere and that's why everyone's turning into reindeer, I'm pretty darn sure." Hermes sighed. "I... Know it's a lot to ask after waking up like that, but... Can we... Try? To fix this?"

John sighed, but finally nodded.

"... It's gonna be a long way north. Still wanna go?"

John butted Hermes towards the door.
 
Bitterman's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Louisa Cyper was having a terrible Christmas Eve.

"And we're moving, and we're walking, and and we're looking—oh look, everyone! To your right is the infernal altar where the Medical Saint Nikolas made his pact with the Archfiend Mammon! In exchange for a centennial tithing of flesh and a single page of the Akashic Record, Nikolas gained immortality and the ability to transform feelings of joy and wonder into material goods! It is said that it was Nikolas' ambition to bring an end to human privation, which he attempted to do in an orgy of largess once a year!"

The altar was black slab of obsidian, concentrated with the heartsblood of a newborn babe poured over a rune containing a single letter of the true name of God. You could pay $49.99 to take a picture with. An extra $25 would get you a custom frame.

"Some say you can still hear Nikolas' scream of despair as he learned that attempting to sate the avarice in the hearts of men only makes it grow! Shhhh, let's all listen!"

The much-too-bubbly tour guide cupped her ear and leaned over the railing, toward the altar. The dozen or so people on the same tour as Louisa did the same, including, much to her embarrassment, her father.

"Pumpkin! Come listen," her father whispered, "I think you can really hear it!"

"Dad, stop it! They pump sound in here! We're at the bottom of the Arctic Ocean; the salt water creates a ward against spiritual contamination! Gahd!"

Louisa turned red in humiliation and crossed her arms. Her dad was such a dork! Why was he like that?!

Andromalius, a Great Earl of Hell, commander of thirty-six legions of the damned, punisher of thieves and the wicked, and uncoverer of all crooked dealings, was wearing a bright red Christmas sweater with a felt Santa-head. He constantly shed a thin layer of fuzz that got everywhere he walked. He worn his mortal guise, a man with ram's horns and a Great Serpent in one hand. The other hand held his disposable camera.

His friends called him "Andy".

"Aww, come on, Louisa, where's your Christmas spirit? We are at the original Santa's Workshop!" Andy said, speaking through the serpent in his grasp, "It wasn't easy getting a tour, nosiree! Guess your old man's still pretty connected, eh?"

He said that last bit while polishing his knuckles on his shirt. He then waggled his eyebrows in a way that made Louisa want to die.

"Whatever! I didn't want to spend my Christmas twenty-thousand league under the sea!"

"Twenty-thousand fathoms, pumpkin. 'Leagues' is a measure of distance, not depth."

"Fine, whatever, gahd!"

Louisa threw up her hands and stomped away. She was thirteen years old, and already all grown up. Unlike her dad, her clothing was anything but festive. She wore combat boots, black and white striped tights, a black pleated shirt, a beanie cap, and a black t-shirt that read "MILK-IN-A-BAG", the name of a band you aren't cool enough to have heard of yet.

"Louisa . . ." Andy sighed, "I know this is our first Christmas since your mom and I split up. It's . . . not gonna be the same, believe me, I know. But let's try to have fun anyway?"

". . . whatever."

"Alright, everyone!" the elven tour guide called, "Next up is the blood lathes where quintessence was made corporeal!"

"Oh, oh! You hear that, pumpkin? Blood lathes! You used to love blood lathes!"

"When I was little . . ." Louisa grumbled, walking away from the group.

"Where are you going? The lathes are the other way!"

"I need to pee, leave me alone!"

"Oh, okay! Well, hurry up! You don't want to miss the re-enactment of the Gingerbread Man Mass!"

". . . they don't even use real men for that any more."

* * *

The dark cathedral of Santa's folly was a twisted abattoir of non-Euclidean geometry and sin given shape. The horrors that transformed Medical Saint Nikolas into the pestilent fiend, and later soft-drink spokesman, Santa Claus were as numerous as they were unspeakable. His followers were a cult of wood elves who abandoned the certainty of their flesh to become Christmas spirits who would take all feelings and make them undergo deposition into the material.

To receive a gift of Santa's was to experience a brief respite from desire. Only for that desire to come back a hundredfold when his Day of Giving ended. Only in his workshop could his gifts retain their magic throughout the year, and so his cult grew by the thousands from those seeking an end to their hunger.

But those who would take could not give, and so, well, that's you end up filling the extra bedrooms with blood lathes. At some point, the fey councilors from the Court of Sun, Moon, and Stars decided they should do something before all of the mass-death brought down their property values. So, around the monument to madness, they constructed an ever-shifting, ever-changing labyrinth that stretched from the waking world into the Dream. A pilgrim could seek Santa's Workshop for a thousand years and never go further than a step. That, coupled with the already-warped nature of space in that slaughterhouse, made it nearly impossible to navigate.

It also made it very difficult to find somewhere to pee.

Louisa wandered around for a good twenty minutes before finding an empty lavatory near a number of locked doors. Only to find, once she washed her hands and left, that the hallway outside the restroom had disappeared. All that was in front of her was a sealed coffin, bound with flames that were held together with a shard of the rock where Cú Chulainn died on his feet.

"Whatever," Louisa said. She then pulled out a gaming console, sat with her back to the coffin, and started playing.

She was trying not to cry, but this was the saddest she could ever remember feeling. Dad was trying—he really was—and she knew how much he wanted her to have a good Christmas. He had been so excited when she asked to stay with him for the holidays. Only . . .

Only, she hadn't asked because she wanted to. She asked because the choice was made for her.

Hot tears dripped from her face and onto the screen of her handheld as a voice, both booming and whisper-soft in the back of her head, spoke.

"DO YOU SEEK SUCCOR, CHILD? AND END TO HARD FEELINGS?"

"No, shut up!"

"I CAN FREE YOU FROM THE PAIN OF EMOTION. THE AGONY OF CHOICE. ENTER INTO A PACT WITH ME, BREAK THE SEAL, AND HAVE YOUR HEART'S DESIRE."

"My heart's desire is that you shut up!"

"HERE, THINGS OLDER AND MORE TERRIBLE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE DWELL. NIKOLAS SOUGHT TO FILL THE SOUL AND END SUFFERING. BUT HIS FOLLOWERS WERE IMPATIENT, UNABLE TO BEAR THE PAIN OF PRIVATION EVEN A SINGLE DAY LONGER."

The room was silent except for Louisa's game. She was playing a fighting game—the character-select screen music abruptly ended when she chose her fighter and the announcer shouted, "Lady Leizi!"

"THEY TURNED AWAY FROM THEIR OWN CORPOREAL EXISTENCE, AND, IN THE PROCESS, INVITED DARK THINGS FROM THE ID OF THE COLLECTIVE GESTALT. NIKOLAS BOUND THE DAMONES THAT LEAKED THROUGH IN SIX-HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SIX SEALS, THEIR POWER KEEPING HIS WORKSHOP ABOVE THE ICE."

Louisa started in training mode. There wasn't any signal in the room, so she couldn't play ranked. Instead, she decided to just lab.

"WHEN THE FAE COURTS BOUND HIS WORKSHOP TO THE DREAM, HE COULD NO LONGER FUEL HIS BINDINGS. AND SO, HIS WORKSHOP SANK UNDER THE WEIGHT OF IT'S OWN SIN, DISAPPEARING UNDER THE ICE."

Louise got bored and decided to play story mode. She had already beaten it, but she wanted to see Ellie confess her feelings to Mona again. BlackGold was her OTP.

"I AM ONE SUCH DAEMON. I CAN SEE YOUR SOUL. THE SUFFERING WITHIN IT. YOUR FATHER DOES NOT SEE THE RENDS IN YOUR HEART. OR, PERHAPS, HE HAS TOO MANY OF HIS OWN. YOUR MOTHER . . . WAIT, WHAT THE HELL?"

The room went silent as Louisa quickly shut off her game. Her breathing hitched.

"UHHHH, WOW. OKAY. WOW. UMMM. SHOOT. THAT'S ROUGH, KID. YOU'RE A HALF-BLOOD THEN?"

Louisa had the characteristic, pointed ears of an elf . . . and two budding horns on her forehead. The combination marked her as a demi-fiend, a child with blood of both the infernal and the fair folk.

Noticeably, her horns were rounded. Her mother had forced her to file them down to nubs; she had only stopped recently and they would have to grow a little more before she could sharpen them again.

"THAT'S MESSED UP. I'M JUST GONNA SAY IT. I MEAN, SHE MARRIES A GREAT DUKE OF HELL, HAS A KID, THEN DIVORCES HIM TO BECOME A PALADIN OF . . . SANDALPHON?! UGH. I HATE THAT GUY!"

Louisa's silent tears had turned into big, ugly sobs. The kind that come from a parent no longer looking at you with love in their eyes.

"OH, COME ON, DON'T DO THAT. UMM. UMMM. YOU WANT A . . . JEEZ, WHAT DO KIDS LIKE . . . A SIGMA TOILET OR WHATEVER?"

"I just want you to shut up!" Louisa screamed. She then reached into the flames and ripped the seal free.

* * *

"Dammit Andy, dammit Andy, dammit Andy! You're blowing it! Your baby girl wants to spend Christmas with you, and you go and lose her! Ahhh! I knew we should have just done our usual tradition at home! I just thought something special would take her mind off things . . ."

Great Earl Andromalius was currently racing through tears in space, trying to find his daughter. He had gotten worried when she hadn't returned after ten minutes. After fifteen he was texting her, and after twenty he was fully panicking.

Louisa was right—being concentrated in salt meant the dark magic in Santa's Workshop was mostly neutered. Mostly.

There were a few things even an ocean of salt couldn't bury.

He broke the lock on another pocket dimension and felt his phone ping. Lousia's Find my Phone! He felt terrible that he had forgotten to remove her phone from his list—kids need their privacy!—but now he was relieved.

Up until he entered the daemon's Domain and saw that his seal was broken. And that Louisa was the one who broke it.

"Pumpkin!" he screamed in horror, racing forward, hoping that it wasn't—but knowing it was—too late.

He could hear the daemon speak.

"LOOK, I'M REALLY NOT COMFORTABLE WITH THIS."

"You need a moral shell, right?! Well, here, take it! I'm just "tainted ground that must make itself worthy of being reforged"! So you may as well take my body and soul!"

"Who in the world told you that?!"

Louise whipped around. Her eyes were red and puffy. "D-dad? What are you doing here?"

"OH, HELLO SIR. THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. YES, YOUR DAUGHTER BROKE A NINEFOLD WARD AGAINST EVIL, AND, YES, I COULD DEVOUR HER EXISTENCE, BUT I WASN'T—"

"Excuse me!" Andy said, more brusquely than was polite, "I am talking to my daughter."

"AH. YES. EXCUSE ME."

"Now, pumpkin," Andy said gently, kneeling down so his face was level with his daughter's, "What's going on here?"

Louisa tried to snap at him that it was "nothing" and she was "fine", but, when she open her mouth, her voice hitched and this came out instead:

"I . . . I didn't ask to spend Christmas with you because I wanted to. I mean, I did, b-but Mom . . . she kicked me out."

". . . what?" Andy said, uncomprehending.

Louisa wiped her eyes, looking away. Tears still flowed. "S-she . . . her new boyfriend doesn't like me. He doesn't like that I'm half-fiend. T-they . . . tried to bring me to the Silver City to rid me of my infernal blood. They s-said I had to enter into a pact with the Metatron and serve as his blade for seven-thousand, seven-hundred, and seventy-seven years, a-and only then I would be cleansed."

"WOAH."

Andy's mouth dropped open in horror. "Oh no, no, no. Pumpkin, you didn't—"

"N-no! I said no! Mom got so mad at me and we started screaming at each other. She . . . she said she loved me, but that her love for me was a temptation to deliver her into evil. That I had to either be purified o-or . . ."

Louisa started sobbing again.

"Or she'll have to pray that the Presence gives her the strength to cut out that part of her heart . . . she left for the Silver City and said I should go spend Christmas with you."

"MAN, I KNEW THAT ALREADY AND IT'S STILL A BUMMER HEARING IT OUT LOUD."

"W-why doesn't she want me?" Louisa sobbed, "W-what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing!" Andy snarled, before catching himself. He deliberately forced himself to calm down before, "Nothing is wrong with you, pumpkin. You're amazing just the way you are. I am . . . so, so proud of who you are. And, while I haven't always agreed with how your mother's wanted to raise you, this . . ."

"GOTTA SUE FOR FULL-CUSTODY, BRO. YOUR EX-WIFE JOINED A CULT."

"Now's not the time for that." Andy pulled his daughter into a hug. "I'm so sorry, pumpkin. I was so concerned with making today special, that I didn't even see how much pain you were in. Can you forgive me?"

Louisa nodded in his chest.

"Thank you. Let's go home. We can decorate cookies and watch A Colbert Christmas."

"O-okay . . ." Louisa sniffled. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, pumpkin."

"AWW, THAT'S CUTE. UMM, I STILL HAVE HER SOUL THOUGH . . . I GUESS I CAN RENOUNCE MY CLAIM, BUT PER THE WHEEL OF SAMSARA, I NEED TO BE COMPENSATED FOR IT STICK."

"Well, Mr. Daemon," Andy said, sticking his hands on his hips, "Then why don't you come spend the holidays with us? You can have some of my famous Christmas goose, and we'll call it square!"

"REALLY?"

"You betcha!" Andy said, rubbing his daughter's head, "We have a traditional game of Monopoly to play, but it's no fun with only two people!"

". . . CAN I BE THE RACECAR?"

Andy looks to Louisa, who nodded. "Oh, okay. But I get battleship!"

"YIPPIE!"

The two of them turned to walk out, the incorporeal daemon in tow. As it turns out, the daemon's seal was the only thing binding Nikolas to death, and that night he rose again to rid the planet of Want.

As the realm of elves and men burned, Andy draped a blanket over his daughter. She had fallen asleep at the table, a smile on her face. His heart ached, seeing his little girl so grown up.

"KIDS, MAN. THEY MAKE IT ALL WORTH IT."

"You have children?" Andy spoke into the ether.

"COUNTLESS SCREAMS OF AGONY AS MAN FAILS TO LEARN HIS LESSON OVER AND OVER. I COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD!"

Andy chuckled, and poured a little rum into his eggnog. He offered a second cup to the air, where it was consumed by the shadow on the moon at night.

"OOOH, SPICY. GOOD STUFF. ALSO, HEY, IF YOU NEED A LAWYER, I KNOW A GUY . . ."

"He a daemon too?"

"NO, BUT HE'S ONE BITTER MAN!"

Andy and the daemon laughed long and hard. Outside, the forces of the Court of Sun, Moon, and Star along with the celestials of the Silver City did battle with the Yuletide Lich.

As Christmas's go, it was about a 7 outta 10.
 
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Mrtts' Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Our History.

The smell of varnish lingered in the air—familiar and comforting. It was a way to treat wood, to protect it.

The wood itself is used to protect something else, to frame something else. A memory that lived longer than its creator.

The smell of paint, however, was absent. It had been some time since the tinctures were opened, since the brush last kissed the canvas.

The situation itself was completely different then the ones experienced so many times before.

The contrast was stark from the long corridors and expansive spaces of museums we once visited. No pristine holder walls or skylights here, just the slanted ceiling and the soft glow of a single lamp. Yet this room, unlike any gallery, held my favorite painting.

Inspiration could come from anywhere, really. An horizon, a vista, an interesting object or one out of place.

A special person, or one not noteworthy at all. Someone who could become a partner in all things, in sickness and health…

Visiting places that existed to do art exhibitions was always different then everything that surrounded them.

Cities, plains, forests, deserts… Different countries with different cultures throughout the whole world.

Every moment that stayed in memory and some that hadn't.

It was a piece no critic had reviewed, no patron had admired. Some might have called it tacky or disorganized, debated its classification, and assigned it to a movement or style. To me, it was simply the last painting of my dear partner.

"To say that I will miss it… That would be an understatement." I whispered, my wrinkled hands trembling as they traced the wooden frame. The glass shielded the canvas, but I could feel every brushstroke as if they were still being made, my memory of the act would stay, I was sure.

"To travel all over the world, to record our times in so many different places…"

Traveling was their dream. Together, it became ours. Cities, plains, forests, deserts—a life spent moving, discovering, capturing. Every place we visited left its mark, a moment etched in time and recorded in paint. This painting was a culmination of all those memories: a map of our hearts, rendered in color and texture.

"Something we did together."

I missed them.

"...and I will miss you, too."

The painting was important, I could tell every moment that was brushed and if I forgot something, I could always wander the house, like my own private exhibit.
"Our baby grew up looking at your paintings," I continued. "I'm sure this one will also become their favorite."

The thought brought a bittersweet smile. Our child had inherited the same restless spirit, the same yearning to see the world. They'd spoken of it often and with the same wonder you did in our youth. Dreaming aloud of the adventures they'd take. And when the time came, they went—with our blessing, of course.

"They visit us, you know," I said, as if my partner were still there to listen. "Even while they're out there, experiencing life the way it's meant to be lived. They have a family now, their own home. But they still travel. And they'll keep traveling after I'm gone."

"They looked and dreamed and took inspiration in our own journey, dear."
The doctors had said there was nothing wrong, just old age. Old age that had already taken my partner and now edged closer to me. But there was peace in that. We had lived fully, deeply.

Old age took us apart and would allow us to meet again.

"Last year you gave them your tools…" I murmured, fingers brushing the frame. "You should've seen what they accomplished using them. You would've been so proud…"

Most of the other paintings would go with the will, be sent to some of the museums we visited, to the remaining friends that would take care of them. But this one—this one was special. It belonged with them, just as they belonged to the world it depicted.
"The most heartfelt masterpiece," I said, sliding the painting into its wooden holder with care. The faint scrape of wood on wood was almost ceremonial. "You will be their legacy now."

"A centerpiece, I'm sure. In whatever place they will put you on."

My hands were steady now, as I moved the painting into the box that would hold it for a few days.

"I will visit, of course. So I will see you again."

The faint, muted scrape of wood on wood didn't echo in the room, but I still felt like it did.

"It won't be the same." I said, though my heart softened.

I felt the paper wrapper, smooth yet sturdy, being folded into just the right size for the box.

"It will be special, still."

The tape was transparent, not breaking the greens and reds and little decorative designs all around.

Festive, without being gaudy.
"Maybe this will be the last time I talk to you like this," I said, stepping back to admire the wrapped gift. "But just looking when I visit will be enough. So, thank you."

Tying the bow was harder, but I wouldn't call for help for this, this was my farewell.

"Thank you for being special and not at all. A dream come true and something my dear did at the last possible time."

Everything is in order.

"Now I just have to move you to the tree. And wait for the day. Yes?" Sometimes, I felt like I could hear them still, quiet murmurs, the sound of brushstrokes and little answers to questions like this. "My baby will take care of you, I'm sure. They will love you just as I do."

The last time I would move it.
It was slow, and didn't take much time at all.

The journey felt symbolic, a final act of love. The gift nestled beneath the branches, its bright paper catching the glow of the twinkling lights. I straightened up slowly, my body tired but my heart light.

All is in its place, now.

"I won't say goodbye." I whispered."Just see you later, okay?"

The house was quiet as I turned off the lights and made my way to bed. Tomorrow, my child and grandchildren would arrive. After some days, they would unwrap the box and rediscover the painting that had been the result of our dreams.

Our History would live on. In another time, in another home.

Loved, but never forgotten.
If anyone could beta read this, I would appreciate it. I re-read a few times on different days, made editions and everything.
But I still worry.

Thanks in advance, contact in pm if you find anything off with the story, let's not clutter the thread.
 
Kermie's Secret Santa Short Story Submission New
Have A Happy/Hellish Christmas
By Kermie

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Well, except for the two children that were crouching on the stairwell, which was facing a Christmas tree and a well decorated living room. One decorated with tinsel-red decorations, almost scarlet. Isabella tapped her foot impatiently, waiting for the fateful moment to arrive. Her brown hair matched her brother's, Isaac, who was… trying his best not to fall asleep. It was a normal Christmas night, after all.

"C'mon Isaac, stay awake! We can't let Santa get into the house."

Issac silently cursed underneath his breath- couldn't he go to sleep already? It was getting really late. What had his six-year old little sister gotten him into this time? He yawned, making sure to be as conspicuous as he could. "Isabella, it's getting late. You're not going to be able to enjoy the Christmas gifts if you don't get your sleep."

"No, but we have to keep watch, see if Santa's gonna get in. If we don't make sure he doesn't get in, we might die!" Isabella whispered, excitedly waving her arms. She had always been a bit of an odd child. Morbid, even.

Issac groaned and leaned against the wall. Of course. For TWO FUCKING MONTHS STRAIGHT now, Isabella had been yelling about this stupid story that her friend had told her, something about…

"Santa! The demon god! Every night before the 25th of December, he creeps into the houses of children, looking for their blood. He can only be appeased with sacrifices of cookies, made with love and care."

"...Like the cookies that are right there next to the fireplace? The ones that Mom baked for Dad to eat and get closer to a heart attack?" Isaac snarked.

Indeed, sitting on a desk in plain view for anyone with a brain to see (so not Isabella) was a plate of four chocolate chip cookies, alongside a tasteful side of plain milk. It was taking all of Isaac's willpower to not just stand up and run over there to get just a tiny bite of one gooey sweet cookie. Like, Dad wouldn't care, right…?

"Dad doesn't eat those cookies, Santa does! So that's why we've been safe for so long, while Arnold from down the street disappeared last year. You know that, don't you?"

He groaned, shaking his head. "C'mon, you know that Arnold hated his parents. He's probably in a mental hospital or something now. And besides, Santa's just our dad. In a costume."

Her eyes widened in shock. "How do you know that?!"

By this point, Issac was considering just going to grab his present, if only to spite Isabella. The new edition of Leviathan's Rest had to be just underneath the tree in that too-thin wrapping! It was so close…

But he shook his head, turning away from the temptation. Instead, he looked down at Isabella, and silently shook her by the shoulder. "I know," he grumbled, "Because I am your big brother, and I have lived half a decade longer than you have. And every single Christmas Eve until I stopped looking four years ago because Santa doesn't exist, Dad would always come in, dressed in a crappy Santa costume, drop off some presents from Toys-R-Us, and then pretend he didn't see me before we both eventually went to bed."

"No, that's wrong! Santa's coming in, and he's going to eat us all unless we make sure the cookies stay there!"

"Is not!"

"Yes he is!"

"Is no-"

THUMP!!!

Suddenly, from the other end of the room, away from the stairwell, there was a noise. No, not one any human could have made. It was too heavy, too big, and much too loud for anybody to have made on their own. All of a sudden, the candlelight snuffed out, leaving the room darker. Then, the light of the fireplace disappeared as well, leaving nothing but darkness behind. Isabella screamed, and then…

Nothing. There was nothing. There was just silence. Issac looked over in Isabella's direction, but there was nothing again. He looked forward, gazing blindly into the darkness. A few seconds passed, the world itself seeming to hold it's breath. And then he blinked. And out of the darkness, were two eyes, gazing at him with the same look a predator gives their prey. Calm. Focused. Hungry. Two red orbs, almost scarlet.

Issac felt his heart drop to his stomach. Since when had this happened? Was Isabella right? He looked down this time, and through the darkness he saw a long head of brunette hair at his feet. Despite it all, he still sighed. Isabella had talked a big game and promptly fainted of shock. How typical of her.

Issac looked at the eyes, which glared at him, before drifting away into the darkness. From that red trail, it was clearly going… out back through the door? No! Towards the cookies on the desk. The eyes went down, and there was a peculiar sniffing sound. And then?

CRACK!

The telltale sound of a porcelain plate breaking. The eyes focused once more on him, and Issac felt himself freeze in place. Oh. Oh no. There was no chance that he was getting out of this.

What was he going to do? Run? No, his grades in PE were abysmal. Hide? No, leaving Isabella to die was simply unforgivable. All he could do, really, was… stand there and fight. Brave, perhaps. Foolhardy, probably. But those are the things that you do when you're a big brother.

Issac put both his hands up. If Santa wanted his blood, well, it'd have to work for it. Now, the red eyes were getting closer, and closer still. This was it. Issac took a deep breath, and silently asked any gods that were listening to give him strength. God, Jesus, Vishnu, Thor, The Leviathan… heck, he'd even take Zeus if it came down to that. Then—

The doorbell rang. Issac looked over. So did the eyes. The door opened, revealing…

"Dad?!"

"Ismael Castellanos…"

The door slammed shut as soon as it opened, leaving Issac wondering if he really saw his father as the room descended once again into darkness. The only thing that lit up the room was the telltale *click* and the resulting flame of a lighter. From the stairwell, all Issac could see was a red coat. Scarlet.

The voice that came from the other end was unmistakably his father, however. "Krampus. I'm here to deliver your payment. Stay away from the children."

The red eyes blinked for a second, before sharpening— and the thing that it belonged to stood up. With a small jolt, Issac realized that Santa(?) had been much taller than he imagined. Standing up like this, the beast had to be as tall as their Christmas tree, and easily able to touch their ceiling if it tried. When it spoke, really spoke, it felt like his head was ringing.

"Why should I? You know that I devour what I want. And I devour feeling. Why should I not eat what I need to live? You humans barely survive starving for two weeks. I have starved for years. I WILL feed."

Issac's dad shifted a bit, his face still not visible in the light. "And I also know something else about you. You want to live. If I want, I can trap you in here. Activate the wards, and I know nobody in the house gets out. So, instead…"

Ismael reached behind his back, taking out a well wrapped tin. "Take these cookies. It took me and the gang a while, and I had to give some to some of the overworked families, but you'll find these to be more than enough appeasement. Freshly baked at the soup kitchen."

For a second, there was some silence. And then, Santa reached out a hand, taking the tin. For a second, Issac managed to see a long, lanky arm lined with black scales reach out and snatch a tin of cookies, before "Santa" was back out of the light, only visible by those red eyes. There was a small amount of crunching audible, right before those red eyes looked up at his dad once again.

"Why…?"

Ismael just shrugged. But when he spoke, there was a quiet determination in his words. "Because while I might be this place's local monster hunter, I'm also a father. Any exorcisms that I could perform on you would require some sacrifice of children. I'm not doing that. So here's my deal. For the next 45 years that you're stalking this area, you aren't going to eat any children. Instead, you can take those cookies that me and this entire town built for you, and enjoy them. Just as you have for the past four years, just without either me or you running around so much. Otherwise I starve you in here."

The beast breathed heavily, before closing its scarlet eyes. "…you already know my true name, and your conditions are acceptable. Very well then. I will demand tribute every year then. Do not keep me wanting."

"You'll find cookies at every other house down this street and the next. Farewell, Mr. Krampus. Don't come around my wife or kids ever again."

There was another woosh, another displacement of air, and the cold darkness was gone. The fireplace burned brightly again, and all that was there was Issac's dad in a goofy red coat, holding presents in his two arms, standing over a broken porcelain plate. With a deft hand, he bent down, swept aside the plate's remains, and shoved a wrapped present underneath the tree, before walking over and picking up Isabella from the ground, cradling the fainted girl in his arms.

He didn't spare Issac even the single smallest glance and Issac did the same. As it always went, they both pretended that they hadn't seen each other, before going to bed.

It was simply a normal Christmas night, after all.



Author's Note:
This prompt was a bit hard to write— but special thanks to @ThaTrueRealmWalk, who floated the idea of there being two Santa's for this prompt. I don't think I could have written the alternative.

And one more thing. To the person who I wrote this story for based on his prompt:

I've only known you for a few months, really, and it was a grand cosmic coincidence that I had just enough time to look at that first thread, just enough interest to type that first info post. But no matter how many coincidences needed to happen for me to get to read your stories, it was just enough. Thanks for making such great stories!

Here's to a thousand more happy coincidences everybody. Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.
 
There is something of a chance that I may not get my story finished in time for the deadline. It really got away from me! In a fun way, but I have 4-5 days left to write a few thousand more words, I think I'm MAYBE halfway finished at this point in time.

If it comes to that, is it okay to submit a story that isn't fully finished? I'd rather my recipient get part of a story than none at all.

Edit – that said, I'm REALLY excited to submit whatever I do get written, this prompt is way off from the kind of stuff I usually write and it's been a great exercise!
 
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