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Punching the Fucking Apocalypse Right In Its Stupid Face: A 5th Ed D & D Quest

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In which our Heroine buys a new OUTFIT and travels to her ANCESTRAL homeland in search of a HOLY relic.
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    • Chapter III
    In which our Heroine buys a new OUTFIT and travels to her ANCESTRAL homeland in search of a HOLY relic.

    -​

    After a brief discussion with Reese, you decide to use some of your funds to buy a set of new clothes before you travel to Zaradia. Showing up dressed in torn clothing is not likely to endear you to anyone.

    After some discussion with some of the (sigh) socialites in Equinox Square, you and Reese make your way a few blocks deeper into the city and up and down a couple of the smaller side streets.

    Inside is an older elven woman with shoulder length black hair of a very severe cut who looks up at you and Reese with barely disguised annoyance from behind a desk covered in fabric and barks out a single word, "Yes?"

    You and Reese look at each other. This is prooobably the right place, there was the sign outside and this particular room has a few mannequins in various poses with pieces of light armour and clothing on them.

    "This is Talis' Custom Clothing, yes?" you look over your shoulder like you are checking the sign outside again, "I'm Lavisia and this is Reese, I understand that you can help me with my gear? It's sort of a rush job?"

    The woman sets down a pair of silver scissors and stands up, looking between you and Reese, before settling on your badly damaged leather armour and torn up clothing, "Yes." she sighs and gestures for you to step further inside her small shop, "Let me get a look at you."

    You mentally shrug and follow the older woman as she leads you behind the counter, and out of the front room into a backroom which is mostly empty save for rolls of cloth and a number of chests pushed up along the walls.

    She eyes you taking in the room and then grabs your sleeve and leads you to the center of the room, "Okay, strip down. To your comfort level" she says with an air of professional detachment.

    You blink.

    "Go. I take my job very seriously. And you know that or you wouldn't be here." Talis spins around, arm rearing back, "AND YOU STAY OUT!" she says, slapping Reese on the wrist as he tries following the two of you into the room.

    "It's fine?" you say, uncertainly, "He's my cousin. And friend. And there's nothing that he care-"

    The woman sighs, a very put upon sigh, "No, I do not need someone in the way when I work." she points at him with a boney finger, "He can come in later."

    Reese retreats, pulling the door closed behind him.

    "So... " you begin, but she cuts you off almost instantly, beginning to pepper you with a variety of questions about your fighting style, price range, and adventuring habits as she begins hunting through her chests, and inspecting various rolls of fabric on the shelves.

    Once you've undressed to your underwear Talis has you run through your Bladesinger routines, and even a couple of your dances. The old woman watching intently, arms crossed, a hand on chin contemplative as you move.

    "Stop."

    You comply with uncertainty.

    "Which colours are you looking for?" she gestures around the room, "There's the standard adventuring range, browns, greys, and greens. Something more colourful for your work, or perhaps black…?"

    She tilts her head and squints at you.

    "Lavender and grey!" Reese shouts through the door.

    "What?" say you and Talis simultaneously. You are more inquisitive, the old Elf is more outraged.

    "They're the family colours. And we are going back to the home colonies!" your cousin continues shouting through the door. (That revelation honestly makes a lot of your father's fashion choices make a lot more sense in hindsight.)

    Talis looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

    "Sure. And with black too?" you pause for a moment, considering, and then nod. Most of your adventuring clothes have been mostly black so far, honestly. To better hide the blood of your enemies. (Which is what you say when you're trying to be cool. It's actually to hide the various stains that come with adventuring so that you don't look dirty if you can find the time to sit down and prestidigitate the stains out.)

    "Understood. Bring your arms out." she says, stepping closer, "You said this was a rush job, so I'm going to need to work with no interruption, so I need your permission to handle you to get this done."

    You shrug, "Sure."

    The old woman nods and grabs your left arm suddenly, not painfully, but firmly.

    You turn to look at what she's doing, but she reaches up to stop you, "For your own safety. Do. Not. Move."

    Shortly you see why. Talis is using magic to do the job, settling leather plates and pieces of fabric and metal with a wave of her hand as she poses you, her magic shaping the materials as she works.

    Every now and then the seamstress takes a break from assembling your outfit and you run through some of your Songbird routines to make sure that your movement is in no way restricted. (Something that your own experience has told you is a fairly common experience while wearing fashionable clothes.)

    Eventually you end up with a set of studded leather armour that you can't tell at all is armour, they look like robes that aren't as loose and flowing as a normal wizard's clothing. But they still look good as you strike and leap, and dance. The hem of your skirt twirling mesmerically as you move.

    Not only does the outfit look nice, there are a number of pockets, there's space for you to carry your weapons without ruining your profile, and there's even a waterproof hood cleverly hidden in the mantle that covers your upper body.

    Eventually, after probably and hour and a half, once the magically levitate armour materials are back in their places, Talis opens the door and you walk into the front room where Reese has found a spot on a chair and is writing something in his songwriting book, a look of intense concentration on his face.

    His face lights up as he rises to meet you, "Spirits and Ancestors! That looks good!"

    You twirl around, and then rap a fist against the armour, "Nice right?" you say grinning at Talis, "She is, whew, she's good!"

    The old seamstress returns your compliment with a single raised eyebrow and the hint of a satisfied smile.

    "60 gold." she says, returning to her seat.

    "Isn't this sort of armour usually ten to twenty gold less?" You says as you count out 120 Vinyari electrum rods, preparing for a haggling session.

    "Yes. But you wanted quality. And you wanted a rush job. And you got more than what you wanted with that." she doesn't seem particularly offended by your question, but continues with a matter of fact tone, "You could go elsewhere and spend a day and night waiting for some barbarian with no fashion sense to beat you out an ugly outfit that chafes when you do anything that isn't walking and taking blows."

    "Well, that does track, but-"

    She leans back in her chair and favours you with the first smile you've seen on her face, slight as it is, "I like the two of you, and you're probably about to tell me to cut you a deal because you're trying to save the world like every other adventurer that walks through that door."

    "Well. Yes." you say, feeling your cheeks heat up slightly.

    "Alright. And I think you're the type that's going to live long enough to be a repeat customer. 55 gold or gold equivalent."

    You hand over 110 electrum rods which she takes and squirrels away somewhere with a deft motion.

    "I can make you magical items too if you have a few uninterrupted weeks and a lot more electrum rods."

    You raise an eyebrow and a grin creeps across your face.

    "If you want to fly, that mantle could make you fly. If you want to run faster, those leather boots could make you sprint like the wind, if you want to be invulnerable, that leather plating could be like steel against blades while feeling the exact same." she picks up her silver scissors again, "Won't do weapons though. Have a good day Lavisia and Reese. Stay safe, may you be always healthy, wealthy, and wise. Thank you for coming."

    You also bid the old woman good day and step out of Talis' shop with a spring in your step.

    "You know how long it took me to get this fitted?" says Reese, amazement in his voice, pointing to his own leather armour, "It took the guy a week to get it right, and it still chafes a little sometimes."

    -

    You step into Zaradia for the first time in your life.

    One moment you're in a building in the Vinyari Congressional Council for Foriegn Relations, and the next you're in a different building.

    Somehow you thought that there'd be something… more? When you arrived in your ancestral homeland. (Though you suppose that the demonic realm is as much your ancestral home, but you have ABSOLUTELY no desire to go there EVER.)

    Another Zaradian tiefling approaches you, a practiced smile on his face, his hand extended "Welcome to Liberty emissaries Mistress and Master…?"

    "Uh, I'm Lavisia and this is my cousin Reese." you realised that you hadn't really had anything planned to say, and you just hand over Delegate Mireau's letter of introduction.

    "I'm, uah-" Your host is clearly thrown off his game, he expected a handshake and not a letter thrust into his hand instead.

    Reese senses the moment going sideways and smoothly interjects, "We're not Vinyari emissaries, Esteemed Cousin. I'm Reese and this is Lavisia, we're both of Salissia's blood born and we're on an important quest."

    "Yes. That." you say with an imperious nod before leaning towards Reese and whispering a quick thanks.

    The other man quickly regains his footing, "Yes. Well. Well met to you then, Esteemed Cousins." he looks down at the letter in his hand and turns it around a couple times, "Interesting, this is addressed to the Consul for Diplomatic Affairs."

    You nod seriously, slightly impatient to begin, "As my cousin said, we're on an important mission. Uh, Esteemed Cousin."

    The other tiefling (Who still hasn't introduced himself) "I need to deliver this letter. If you would like, there are drinks on the veranda outside if you would care to wait for the Consul's response?"

    "That sounds delightful Esteemed Cousin" says Reese with a half bow that the other man returns before turning to hurry off.

    "Esteemed Cousin?" you say with bemusement as you and Reese follow in the other man's footsteps and find yourself outside, on a veranda as the other man said you would.

    "I maaaaybe should have done a better job of coaching you for Zaradia." he looks around and sees a couple of open seats drawn up at a table and heads over towards them, "Zaradia is a land where everyone is veeerrry... polite."

    "I can see that." you say as you settle into a wicker chair across from Reese and look out over Liberty.

    Liberty is a very different place from Starwell, you can already sense that.

    Not only is the place obviously smaller, but it's much less impressive. The streets aren't paved with stones, but rather hard packed dirt. Instead of tall Insula there are one or two story tall wood and brick buildings.

    The pace of life is clearly different too. Instead of teeming masses, hurrying to and fro on important errands, there are a handful of men and women slowly strolling along, occasionally a horse-drawn carriage rattles past.

    The weather is different too. You've always found Starwell a bit cool. Comfortable, but on the chill side. Liberty is different, warm and muggy, you can certainly feel that you're still in the swamps this land was cleared from.

    "Different than what you're used to?" says Reese looking around the veranda, and waving to catch the attention of a Human server who is bringing drinks to a quartet of tieflings at another table.

    "Liberty's different, I'll give her that."

    "She's the capital, but she's not large, most people still live out in the country on the plantations and towns that belong to the First Families. Liberty is just where everyone meets to hash out their squabbles."

    "Now, we're Salissia's bloodline. That's a First Family right?"

    Reese nods, "Yup. A lot of expectations and attitudes." he looks off into the distance, "I found it easier to just leave. I suspect that your parents did as well."

    "Excuse me. Mistress, Master. How may I serve you on this fine day?"

    "Oh, uhm… Do you, have…" you search your memories of summers spent at Starwell's cafes for a fancy drink, "Well, back in Starwell, we called it a Hot Summer Day, it's an iced Hibiscus tea with lemon and I think a hint of ginger in it?"

    "Yes Mistress. I think we can do that for you." the server, dressed all in white with a towel draped over his arm, turns towards Reese, "And for you Master?"

    Reese shrugs "I guess I'll take the same."

    "Excellent. I will return shortly."

    "I hope this is a good drink." says Reese, as he settles in to his wicker chair, adjusting the cushion slightly.

    "I love a nice Hot Summer Day." you say with a hint of a smile as you settle in to wait for 'Esteemed Cousin' to return, watching insects bounce off the enchanted barrier that lines the veranda.

    About a half hour, and three Hot Summer Days later (It is very warm in Liberty) your 'Esteemed Cousin' returns, two older tiefling men following him at a lazy pace.

    You watch as the younger man leads the two older ones up the stairs and over to your table.

    Both are dressed in fine, if slightly outdated, fashion, wide brimmed hats on their heads and dressed in very light colours.

    You and Reese stand up as they approach and you hold out your hand for a handshake.

    "Good morning Esteemed Cousins. I am the Consul of Foriegn Affairs, Balthar. Of Yevina's brood." he sweeps his hat off and kisses your extended hand, (Much to your embarrassment) "And this is my most excellent colleague, the Consul for Internal Affairs, Calixes. A man of Grelzik's bloodline."

    "Most charmed." says Calixes, shaking your hand.

    Balthar is the shorter of the two, much shorter, probably standing about 160 centimeters, and much rounder, his cheeks flushed either with the effort of making his way over to you or the heat, his hardwood cane clacking on the wood of the stairs leading up to the Veranda. He is clean shaven, though the rams horns of his head are quite large, and his large tail follows behind him as something of an afterthought. He smiles up at you, though you think you see more going on behind his eyes than the pleasant bonhomie on display.

    Calixes is taller, his movements more measured, he's a man who has seen military action and expects to see so again judging by the armaments he has on him. (Contrasted to Balthar's seeming lack of armament which seems to be replaced with an expendable paper fan that he is currently using on himself). Calixes doesn't seem to have a tail, and he has short horns on his forehead. The thing most marking him as a tiefling is his almost comically bright red skin and contrasting black hair. He regards you coolly, openly measuring you and Reese on some internal metric.

    You go to sit again, eager to finish off your current Hot Summer Day, but Reese quickly gives you a subtle shake of his head and waits for the other two to invite you to sit down at the table.

    "So, you want Zaradia's relic of the Seven Maidens to save the world from another demonic invasion?" says Calixes, as he unceremoniously throws your letter of introduction on the table and raises a single long finger to beckon the server back over, "An interesting request."

    "Hard as that is to believe, yes." you say, sipping again at your current Hot Summer Day, the ice cubes clinking on the glass.

    "Not as hard actually, my dear." says the other Consul, sitting down and resting his cane against the table.

    "A Coldstalk Wine for me if you would, and make it snappy." says Calixes as the server stands silently at your table again.

    "An Iced Avalan Tea for me, if you kindly please, my good boy," says Balthar, before returning his attention to you, "A surprising number of people here in Liberty have had nightmares and strange dreams in the last few days. Myself included."

    "That could be anything Balthar. You have nightmares from taking the stairs too fast." says Calixes, "Could be coincidence. The old Empire, that Avalans again. Not the 'Demon King' returning. There is no physical proof of this claim."

    Balthar sighs, "To cut to the chase here Miss Lavisia, the relic is a powerful item, and no one would just hand one over to someone who's spent her entire life outside Zaradia. One could imagine this to be some sort of trick by an outside group-"

    "Such as the Cities, to get another relic to study. Don't think they haven't tried before!" Interjects Calixes with an extravagant wave of his warbeaten hands, "Not all their technocrats and magi are harmless scholars and absent-minded professors." the man's nostrils flare in distaste, "Or by the head of a Valenti house to build up his dragon's hoard." he leans towards you, "Quite frankly we don't know you. And we don't know if we can trust you."

    Balthar raises a well manicured hand placatingly, holding it gently in the air, "Well, that is true -if an overly harsh way of putting it" Balthar gives Calixes A Look, "And even if we did, Zaradia doesn't own the relic outright. The monks of the Shrine of the Seven Maidens have it. We could talk to them certainly."

    "You could certainly lean on them." You say with a generous incline of your head, "You're important men, and Zaradia is the monks' home."

    "Of course, why would you stick your necks out for some woman you don't know" says Reese wryly, setting his empty glass down on the table, condensation running down the side, "She's of Salissia's blood, but what does that mean if the rest of those born of that bloodline don't even know her?"

    "You cut to the heart of the issue, Mister Reese." Balthar says with an approving nod, "We can't force the monks to give up the relic for someone who doesn't even know her own family."

    "But if my family were to vouch for me?" you say as the Human server returns with the Consuls' drinks. Then, after the man leaves, you lean forwards, thoughtfully, "Though, what's to stop me from going directly to the monks themselves?"

    "Nothing. I imagine" Balthar lifts his recently arrived drink and takes a pull, sighing with enjoyment, "If you think that they would just give you the most sacred item in their possession go ahead. I'm certain that there are all kinds of tests they have to discover who is worthy to wield their most sacred relic."

    Calixes looks at you and Reese speculatively, measuring you up again, "There is another way…" you've apparently met some sort of standard.

    "Oh?" you return his gaze levelly.

    "Yes. As Consul for Internal Affairs, I've been trying to put down a group of bandits that have been hiding in the hills and raiding some of the towns and plantations near the Grazhul mountains, a week or so away from here. They've been getting bolder and more damaging lately. A number of the First Families have complained."

    "And you want me to get rid of these bandits for you?"

    "As my colleague here has said, we don't know you. But if you risked your life for Zaradia, and did her a service, I'm certain that I could see clear on using the Consuls' influence to get you that relic."

    You wave for the server to return, you need another Hot Summer Day as you decide on the best way forward:

    [ ] [To the Country] If you can convince your family to vouch for you as a proud Zaradian, that should be enough for the Consuls to talk to the monks. You might never have met them before, but you bet that you can convince them that you're a proud daughter of this land. A proud daughter of the family who would have Zaradia's best interests in her heart, and not those of Vinyari or any other land.

    This path is one that will see plenty of diplomacy and other similar speech based checks made as you ingratiate yourself with the family that you never knew.

    [ ] [To the Temple] Why not just bypass the Consuls directly and go to the monks themselves? You bet that you can pass all their tests and convince them of the urgency and righteousness of your request.

    This path is one that will see a wide variety of skill checks made as the monks test you

    [ ] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.

    This path is one of combat. Prove that you're willing to risk your life for Zaradia by destroying her enemies
     
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    • [x] [To the Temple] Why not just bypass the Consuls directly and go to the monks themselves? You bet that you can pass all their tests and convince them of the urgency and righteousness of your request.

    While Reese does give us a bonus to ingratiation and so forth, I think the most efficient path is to go right to the source.
     
    [X] [To the Temple] Why not just bypass the Consuls directly and go to the monks themselves? You bet that you can pass all their tests and convince them of the urgency and righteousness of your request.
     
    [X] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.

    I think this one helps us with both gov and monks. With gov it signals that we're reasonably reliable, with monks it's likely to prove that we're willing to fight against those who'd sow discord for own benefit. That is unless the monastery is secretly a cult of Highwayman McBackstabby, saint patron of asshattery.

    Not to mention it could possibly help in the long run if things go pear shaped.
    Stronger community without distractions from raiders would fare better against demonic incursions if they happen.

    Thirdly, increased banditry is usually a sign of some failure of distribution and social discontent. So going that direction we also keep open the option of dealing with government in more direct fashion if it happens to be some sort of evil vizier or other corruption situation.
     
    AKuz said:
    Eventually you end up with a set of studded leather armour
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    ew, studded leather? I understand that not only is this a fantasy setting but also explicitly one using DnD 5e mechanics/equipment, but still, ewwwwww. This post made by brigandine gang

    Regardless:
    [X] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.

    I feel our job isn't just to stop the apocalypse, but also to ensure that the world that emerges from the crisis is a more peaceful and more equitable world. This option kills two birds with one stone by assisting in accomplishing our immediate goal while also benefitting the people of Zaradia as a whole.

    That is, of course, assuming that the bandits are in fact bandits and the label is not being applied to say, a peasant rebellion against exploitative landowners.
     
    [X] [To the Temple] Why not just bypass the Consuls directly and go to the monks themselves? You bet that you can pass all their tests and convince them of the urgency and righteousness of your request.

    I wanna see the monks!
     
    [X] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.
     
    Ah yes, :turian:Demon King:turian:
    AKuz said:
    There is no physical proof of this claim.
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    :V

    [X] [To the Temple] Why not just bypass the Consuls directly and go to the monks themselves? You bet that you can pass all their tests and convince them of the urgency and righteousness of your request.

    This feels like the most... I want to say honest, but it doesn't quite fit.
     
    Gravitas Hunt said:
    This feels like the most... I want to say honest, but it doesn't quite fit.
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    It's the most de-politicized of all the options; the one is courting political favors from your family, the other is courting political favors from the government, and this is just ignoring the political back and forth and going straight to the people who can make the decision.

    That's not to say that it's an apolitical decision, or that the decision doesn't and won't have political repercussions, though.
     
    [X] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.
     
    Vindictus said:
    That's not to say that it's an apolitical decision, or that the decision doesn't and won't have political repercussions, though.
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    Yup, like, we see that in two states so far the monastic (?) orders have enough sway to influence gov to a degree.

    I'm also thinking that in a way it has the most blocking failure condition. Because let's say we screw up tests and can't talk our way out of it.
    We might have to go back to other options, and while family will probably be eh about it, gov proper would look at us funny for trying to go around them.

    Also, from colab narrative point, I think it's a more fitting hook since our pov character described both characters as "combatant second" in their "build balances".
     
    [X] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.
     
    [] [To the hills] As the Consul for Internal Affairs suggested, there is another way for you to prove yourself to Zaradia. Head out into the hills and help the militias stop these raiders from attacking the towns and plantations and you'll prove that you're willing to die for Zaradia and are thus worthy of her relics.

    There is no way these raiders will be unambiguous bad guys. This could be terribly complicated in addition to being the most dangerous.

    [] [To the Temple] Why not just bypass the Consuls directly and go to the monks themselves? You bet that you can pass all their tests and convince them of the urgency and righteousness of your request.
    AKuz said:
    You reach out at your image in the pool, and you don't feel the water, or whatever this dream quicksilver is, but the ripples cause you to vanish, and then your image is replaced by that of-

    And you wake
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    I'm curious if the mysterious dream from last update means something more, and it seems like the kind of thing the monks might uncover (if there's something to find.) Buuut the monks are also the most distant from local culture, and I'd like to see that more.

    [X] [To the Country] If you can convince your family to vouch for you as a proud Zaradian, that should be enough for the Consuls to talk to the monks. You might never have met them before, but you bet that you can convince them that you're a proud daughter of this land. A proud daughter of the family who would have Zaradia's best interests in her heart, and not those of Vinyari or any other land.

    This is a bit of odd reasoning, but one of the most important things we need to do is expand our party. What quest we choose influences who we meet, and we need a rather sizable 7 Maidens total. We need more muscle, we need more (magic) firepower, and most importantly we need people who can convince extremely snotty politicians that yes, actually, global warming the Demon King is real. In that respect Zaradia is easy in that they already knew that themselves, but elsewhere it's could be much harder than being assigned a single straightforward task. This choice is (hopefully) a good way to find a politically-savvy party member/Maiden who can help us make inroads into much less friendly lands.

    ...and I'm curious about uptight Zaradian culture and how our heroine will try (and fail) to fit in.
     
    Derpmind said:
    This is a bit of odd reasoning, but one of the most important things we need to do is expand our party.
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    Hills could provide a hearthy country maiden with rage passion in their heart and knowledge of nature.

    So somewhere between ranger, barbarian, and druid. I guess?
    Drawing from family has an off chance of well, making it look like a bloodline ploy. Which given MC heritage can be rather problematic rumour to have going on.
     
    Vote will close at:
     
    Do you mind if I can get two separate d20 rolls?

    (One for insight and one for I N I T I A T I V E)
     
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