Shanejayell
Yuri Fan without a Pause
- Pronouns
- He
Yup, we've been gotten.
I hope the next chapter opens up with what's going on outside the book, with things having gone straight to hell....
Power Games (Nanoha fanfic)
- Thread starter Aleph
- Start date
Yup, we've been gotten.
I hope the next chapter opens up with what's going on outside the book, with things having gone straight to hell....
Main Character
The Hero of the Story
Welp, you hook, line, and sinker'd me. It seemed a little too happy, but I didn't see this coming. So are you going to continue this particular point in the next Nanoha fic, or is Power Games still ongoing? Though I suppose it's six of one, half a dozen of the other.
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The Sandman
So Zetta Slowpoke
- Location
- Wherever I am, which isn't where I'm not
Eh, just label them "Author's Notes" and "Preview" for the purposes of the drop-down menus on fanfic sites.
Thoughts on the chapter tomorrow, probably. Too tired to think much now.
- Location
- oregon, usa
- Pronouns
- He/Him
These are almost exactly my thoughts on the last few chapters. I truly did not see this coming at all. I am enjoying this turn for a train-wreck so, so much.
BWAHAHahahahaha!
That was magnificent. I thought the Precia ex Machina was way to convenient to go with what you had previously stated. And the Epilogue seemed to be wrapping up too neatly. No mention of Chikaze, Quint not getting more upset about her duaghters, no comments from the one team member from Schzenais that they were living there, Alicia came back from Jail with no problems, Precia's fondness for Linith (that relationship was always business), and these black cats kept being mentioned everywhere. And people kept having issues not trying to trip over them.
I should have remembered about the para-dogs, shouldn't I?
Still, better than my theory that the spell was Jail's, and he had Due subbing as Precia for a bit before she "relapses" and "mysteriously disappears". Which gives Jail plenty of time to haul Alicia off and feed her lies about what really happened. Maybe do the "sealed asleep in a tube" bit with Alicia.
Actually, that brings to mind one fact that has been niggling at me: Do Fate and Nanoha know where Jail's base really is? Jail has gone out of the way to handle all transport so far, I think.
That was magnificent. I thought the Precia ex Machina was way to convenient to go with what you had previously stated. And the Epilogue seemed to be wrapping up too neatly. No mention of Chikaze, Quint not getting more upset about her duaghters, no comments from the one team member from Schzenais that they were living there, Alicia came back from Jail with no problems, Precia's fondness for Linith (that relationship was always business), and these black cats kept being mentioned everywhere. And people kept having issues not trying to trip over them.
I should have remembered about the para-dogs, shouldn't I?
Still, better than my theory that the spell was Jail's, and he had Due subbing as Precia for a bit before she "relapses" and "mysteriously disappears". Which gives Jail plenty of time to haul Alicia off and feed her lies about what really happened. Maybe do the "sealed asleep in a tube" bit with Alicia.
Actually, that brings to mind one fact that has been niggling at me: Do Fate and Nanoha know where Jail's base really is? Jail has gone out of the way to handle all transport so far, I think.
DezoPenguin
Text Wall
- Location
- USA
Just read this chapter (at ff.net, actually). @Aleph, you are an evil genius. It's funny, how I was getting all "uh-oh" over the Due idea @Jonen C had suggested, because the end of the previous chapter seemed a little too convenient, but I never connected the suspicious aspects to "this isn't happening at all" but rather to "somebody's lying and other shoes are going to drop." This was epic.
I actually noticed the absence of that, and was very curious. Also the nine-and-a-half-thousand words seemed a bit much for the "epilogue next week" she'd put up.
This was, of course, the true flaw in the illusion.
I actually noticed the absence of that, and was very curious. Also the nine-and-a-half-thousand words seemed a bit much for the "epilogue next week" she'd put up.
This was, of course, the true flaw in the illusion.
- Location
- Estonia
The story of a chapter named "Epilogue", heh.
You honestly got me, @Aleph . I didn't expect it at all. It might be hindsight, but the "last chapter" did feel maybe just a little short of the end battle that I expected you to deliver. Oh, it was certainly decent enough to serve, and doing things like having a usually forgotten character like Momoko play a part seemed like exactly what you would have done - it just felt maybe a little rushed and just a tad too narratively convenient at places (like Precia showing up and saving the day the way she did). Just not enough that would have made me offer criticism more than "it was good, if maybe could have been a little more in ways I can't quite describe", which I felt would have been pointless to offer as constructive criticism to an author who I thought just probably run out of steam a little at the very end and still delivered a more than acceptable final battle solution; a thing to appreciate in a world with so many dead fics. Especially when the final epilogue chapter was still to be written.
Because in the text medium, what I personally consider to be the real meat of the story and care a lot more about are decent character interaction and dialogue, not fight or battle descriptions, so I just held up my hope for a good epilogue to deliver them.
Well, I certainly got my hopes fulfilled, just not in a way I excepted.
As for what ringed the "is something going on?" alarm bells for me first, was the TSAB and Quint being as fine as they were about Nanoha "not betraying" Jail. It's the sort of "fairness" that someone her age would very much hope a "good guy" organization would tolerate, but what would actually be quite unrealistic even for an idealistic organization.
The level of freedom given to Precia too, of course.
The other was exactly what tipped off Nanoha too - describing how territorial Vesta was, but not actually showing it when it should have. And what would have to be a wildcat in uninhabited alternate Japan, playing around so close to humans.
Now that I think about it, it makes sense the Wolkenritter were the ones who got the most realistically harsh punishments. They were the ones Nanoha was the least close to, even if she didn't consider them to be enemies anymore, at the end. Her Lotus Eater illusion would not require them to get off as easy as Testarossas and Hayate did, for everything to be as perfect for her as it could be.
The "do you consent to fall under our laws" thing was weird too. I don't doubt it would be a huge legal and jurisdictional mess, but I do doubt it would be solved by just asking Nanoha like that. Her showing willingness to accept their authority would certainly help her case, but I think it's something TSAB would decide themselves at the end how much they have it here.
I think the undertones also came up at the part when they were talking about the importance of their job when planning Nanoha's offworld travel.
The reason behind it is actually quite sad.
Nanoha knows that her parents love her, but, in her mind which was at work here, she still assigns a lower priority to herself in their minds than she almost certainly actually has.
That hectic time when they were forced to leave her alone too much with herself was a formative experience at a very vulnerable age, and it's never going to fully leave her.
You honestly got me, @Aleph . I didn't expect it at all. It might be hindsight, but the "last chapter" did feel maybe just a little short of the end battle that I expected you to deliver. Oh, it was certainly decent enough to serve, and doing things like having a usually forgotten character like Momoko play a part seemed like exactly what you would have done - it just felt maybe a little rushed and just a tad too narratively convenient at places (like Precia showing up and saving the day the way she did). Just not enough that would have made me offer criticism more than "it was good, if maybe could have been a little more in ways I can't quite describe", which I felt would have been pointless to offer as constructive criticism to an author who I thought just probably run out of steam a little at the very end and still delivered a more than acceptable final battle solution; a thing to appreciate in a world with so many dead fics. Especially when the final epilogue chapter was still to be written.
Because in the text medium, what I personally consider to be the real meat of the story and care a lot more about are decent character interaction and dialogue, not fight or battle descriptions, so I just held up my hope for a good epilogue to deliver them.
Well, I certainly got my hopes fulfilled, just not in a way I excepted.
As for what ringed the "is something going on?" alarm bells for me first, was the TSAB and Quint being as fine as they were about Nanoha "not betraying" Jail. It's the sort of "fairness" that someone her age would very much hope a "good guy" organization would tolerate, but what would actually be quite unrealistic even for an idealistic organization.
The level of freedom given to Precia too, of course.
The other was exactly what tipped off Nanoha too - describing how territorial Vesta was, but not actually showing it when it should have. And what would have to be a wildcat in uninhabited alternate Japan, playing around so close to humans.
Now that I think about it, it makes sense the Wolkenritter were the ones who got the most realistically harsh punishments. They were the ones Nanoha was the least close to, even if she didn't consider them to be enemies anymore, at the end. Her Lotus Eater illusion would not require them to get off as easy as Testarossas and Hayate did, for everything to be as perfect for her as it could be.
The "do you consent to fall under our laws" thing was weird too. I don't doubt it would be a huge legal and jurisdictional mess, but I do doubt it would be solved by just asking Nanoha like that. Her showing willingness to accept their authority would certainly help her case, but I think it's something TSAB would decide themselves at the end how much they have it here.
I think the undertones also came up at the part when they were talking about the importance of their job when planning Nanoha's offworld travel.
The reason behind it is actually quite sad.
Nanoha knows that her parents love her, but, in her mind which was at work here, she still assigns a lower priority to herself in their minds than she almost certainly actually has.
That hectic time when they were forced to leave her alone too much with herself was a formative experience at a very vulnerable age, and it's never going to fully leave her.
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- Location
- National Capital Region, USA
....you absolute bitch.
ONLY ONE SHINY THING?! 
Shouldn't this be a ?
Do eeeet.
You're British.
And yep, this did feel weak as an ending of its own... but that's because it's supposed to. Because it's not real. And Nanoha can feel it on some level.
Jonen C
F.M.D.G.
- Location
- Lincopense, Ostrogothia, Suecia
If she was caught she'd be in her own little bubble because her purrfect world isn't really compatible with anyone else's. (Everyone throwing adolation her wau and recognition of her status as God Empress of Catkind and her Master as the newest incarnation of the Vollständigheit (sp) and Vesta pounces always save the day and there's mousy to llay with and so on and so forth etc etc.)
Her superior cat senses would not be fooled by this display of course, but it'd be sufficiently stroking her ego she'd be willing to limit her resistance to trying to hog as much processor power as possible.
Edit: Omake Spinoff idea: Pulp Adventures of Vesta in the Book of Darkness.
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- Location
- The Land of Many Bregrets
- Pronouns
- They/Them
So I was reading the 'Epilogue' thinking 'aw, I liked Outlaw!Nanoha...'. Then thinking 'huh this is heavy on the saccharine.'
Then that happened.
Hm.
Yep.
Well played.
Then that happened.
Hm.
Yep.
Well played.
Sinsystems
Patron Librarian
So thinking back I believe one of the biggest clues to the illusion is the fact that from the moment Nanoha was trapped the perspective didn't shift at all.....actually can someone make a list of all the clues?
kache
Inversion Impulse
- Location
- Far away from home
Damn, this "epilogue" was pretty nice. I didn't expect it at all.
But hey, at least now I get to see my dream: Yaminosho with the unlimited magic power of the Jewel Seeds!
EDIT: regarding the story, @Aleph will you leave Power Games like this and start another story to continue it? Or just add more chapters past the epilogue? I'd like to share the story elsewhere, but I'm unsure whether to indicate Power Games as completed or not.
But hey, at least now I get to see my dream: Yaminosho with the unlimited magic power of the Jewel Seeds!
EDIT: regarding the story, @Aleph will you leave Power Games like this and start another story to continue it? Or just add more chapters past the epilogue? I'd like to share the story elsewhere, but I'm unsure whether to indicate Power Games as completed or not.
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Not quite true. There's a Book-Hayate scene after the absorption.
But that means the perspective isn't leaving the Book.
Olive
Silent Princess
The more I think about it the more, the more I realise that everything that happens after a certain point in Chapter 10 happens by the internal logic of a child. There's probably more, but:
- Precia coming in and saving the day with a sudden genius breakthrough.
- Nanoha having enough time to find, teach, and move Momoko into a relevant position.
- The Book goes down to massed lasers.
- Nanoha's limiter being lenient enough to cut her to 'only A-rank', which is still more than most. Critically, it's enough for her to both fly and keep Vesta.
- Quint being incredibly amenable about everything.
- Precia somehow retrieving Alicia from Jail.
- Nobody batting an eye at the three Jewel Seeds staying on Earth and in the possession of a group of criminals.
- The Wolkenritter being kept in jail.
- Precia's hair going grey when in reality she's bald from end-stage magical cancer - not that Nanoha would know that.
- Cats everywhere.
- Location
- The Land of Many Bregrets
- Pronouns
- They/Them
So I'll admit I actually didn't cotton on the illusion right up until it was explicitly spelled out for me at the end of the chapter - or even twig there was something off (I genuinely thought that was how it was being ended and was going '...huh. that's how we're ending this? okay then...'). Call me dim, but some more hints would have been good - or hell, fun to see. 'Quint and the TSAB being fine with Nanoha not revealing Jail' thing was an excellent hint, but that was the only real blow to the suspension of disbelief, and once you roll with it there isn't really anything to properly fracture it by being obviously wrong, or at least when I was reading it.
Imagine if you'd "brought" Linith back as some sort of 'restore from backup' handwave now that Precia is 'better'; that would have really kicked the SoD into 'too good to be true' territory. Or hinted at the Book doing Book Shenanigans by pushing Illusionary Hayate as really being the Book's avatar ("and the experience had left her hair a stark white" or something), things like that. The papersplosion before they reached the park is, I'm assuming, a hint at that? Though the 'connecting over shared book recommendations' line is deliciously evil, kudos there. Hinting at time being screwy by having Nanoha always have to query how long its been would be another little flaw that adds up, I dunno I'm throwing ideas at the wall here.
IDK, maybe I'm being a fussy asshat, but it feels like the 'imperfect illusion' angle could have been pushed a little more. Ideally with the sort of chapter Epilogue is you want to build up the sense of wrongness gradually up until the big reveal but it didn't quite maintain it; there's a number of senses like at Nanoha's home that are completely plausible and so there's no real buildup of suspicion; rather the opposite.
Imagine if you'd "brought" Linith back as some sort of 'restore from backup' handwave now that Precia is 'better'; that would have really kicked the SoD into 'too good to be true' territory. Or hinted at the Book doing Book Shenanigans by pushing Illusionary Hayate as really being the Book's avatar ("and the experience had left her hair a stark white" or something), things like that. The papersplosion before they reached the park is, I'm assuming, a hint at that? Though the 'connecting over shared book recommendations' line is deliciously evil, kudos there. Hinting at time being screwy by having Nanoha always have to query how long its been would be another little flaw that adds up, I dunno I'm throwing ideas at the wall here.
IDK, maybe I'm being a fussy asshat, but it feels like the 'imperfect illusion' angle could have been pushed a little more. Ideally with the sort of chapter Epilogue is you want to build up the sense of wrongness gradually up until the big reveal but it didn't quite maintain it; there's a number of senses like at Nanoha's home that are completely plausible and so there's no real buildup of suspicion; rather the opposite.
I think you're missing the intent of the chapter. You'll note that Nanoha's explanation for why she recognized the illusion involves metafiction - "my life is made of scenes someone has stitched together", and "It's like someone just told me 'you talked to Quint and then six months later'"
The point was to completely fool the reader into thinking that the story was ending. Any obvious hints would have ruined this. This wasn't an imperfect illusion - this was "too good to be true", and directed at the readers, not just at Nanoha.
DezoPenguin
Text Wall
- Location
- USA
Exactly. We, the readers make the assumption that normal, unimportant stuff is going on in the background of people's lives while we're reading the story, but we never actually see that of our own knowledge. So part of the OMG! moment for us is realizing that Nanoha is experiencing the Book's world in the same way that we're experiencing it--because, in essence, Nanoha has gone from living in reality to living in a fully immersive VR fiction.
It does shift, though. I went back and checked, and there's a scene from Hayate's perspective in the middle of it.
The main clue that I noticed was Quint. She would move heaven and earth to get her kids back, she wouldn't just shrug it off at hearing "they're safe and they don't want to meet you just yet."
Also, IIRC, Aleph mentioned a long time ago that while Game Theory ended happily ever after, Power Games wouldn't be that simple. So I was really surprised to see how thoroughly everything was wrapped up.
Plus, they hurt her mama. That means they need to go to jail!
Jail: "I'd be happy to study them!"
... no, not that Jail.
Try going back through the Epilogue chapter and keep track of all the colours that are mentioned~
- Location
- The sixth circle of Hell (second on weekends)
- Pronouns
- She/Her
Yeah. Remember what the Master Program said, in that scene? While Nanoha was seeing it pinned the ground and defeated and was shooting it with lasers and sealing it?
What, did you think it wasn't serious?
It said it couldn't lie to her, remember?