Of No Consequence (Naruto SI/Time Loop)

[Ashali]

I originally posted this as an idea (Inspired by a similar idea from @Nero200, except Nero's was the Grail War from Fate/Stay Night) with the short in this post in the Self-Insert Idea Thread over on Fanfiction Discussion where it received a good number of likes, and I've written enough content to make my own thread, so here it is.

The premise is thus: I am dropped into a time loop in the world of Naruto, and every time I die or reach a fail-state such as getting stuck in Infinite Tsukuyomi, I randomly replace one of the Konoha 12 on the morning of March 15th, the day of team assignments for the Rookie 9. I'm going to be trying to write an even amount of crack shenanigans and actual story, and not everything is going to be 'in order' in regards to the timeline of how things occur for the Self-Insert, especially the standalone content.

This is really my first creative writing thing I've ever done, so while I can virtually guarantee good grammar and spelling, Your Mileage May Vary - I'm not planning to write an epic, just a series of relatively connected time-wasters. That said, I fully accept criticism, and I'm going to try to keep the mechanics/world consistent... Well, as consistent as can be in a world where the people can explicitly violate the laws of thermodynamics, there are techniques that can resurrect people with minimal consequence, and at the highest end literally rewrite reality(Cough Sage of Six Paths, Kaguya and Yin-Yang Release etc. Cough).

-----

I signaled to Naruto and Sakura to begin putting our plot of revenge into motion as my shadow clone scout outside the academy dispelled when our would-be instructor casually strolled into the academy, two hours late. Sakura's eyebrow twitched, but they both followed through.

Shortly thereafter, a hand appeared, sliding open the door and allowing entrance to our vict-- I mean, teacher. Kakashi's lone eye widened as he took in an unbelievable sight.

The room was full of the Power of Youth in all of its colour-coded spandex-and-bowl-cut glory, as Sakura was doing pushups, Naruto was holding a one-handed body stand, and I was hanging upside-down from the ceiling quietly counting out sit-ups.

"Gghkt", he managed to choke out.

Naruto flipped to his feet, shouting, "Kakashi is here, now we can train harder than ever before!"

A moment later, Sakura finished standing up and brushing off her legs and yelled "He will surely fan the flames of our youth until they are brighter than the sun!"

She somehow managed to look as if her eyes were going to be set aflame. Perhaps she had seen or heard of Rock Lee and Gai before?

I waited for a beat to prepare the final blow.

"...Kai", We could barely hear it, whispered as some nameless horror took hold of his soul.

Using that as my cue, I smoothly flipped down from the ceiling into the classic Gai Nice-Guy pose (I would never admit to copying from my fellow ninja with the sharingan - That would be rude.) and began to roar "Don't worry, if I can't imp--"

"Kai!" I was cut off, though the genjutsu-releasing technique did nothing. Kakashi's hands were now in the standard hand-seal.

"NO. KAI! KAI!" He screamed as he stepped backwards into the hallway, with the blue glow of chakra being expelled from his body. The door suddenly slammed shut in a blur we couldn't make out and cracked the wall. The classroom was suddenly silent.

I walked to the door, levered it back open, and looked around the hallway. Nothing. Turning around, I released my transformation, smirked, and asked, "Do you think he's coming back?"

Naruto's concentration slipped and he returned to his orange tracksuit and messy hair as he began to laugh uncontrollably, trying to get words out but failing. Sakura released her own transformation, sighing, "It's finally over", though she began to giggle as she thought about the scarecrow's look of utter terror.

He never did come back, that day.

 

[Ashali]

INDEX!

Stories:
First Tries: Sakura
[1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [I:K], [6],

Shorts and crack.
Oops, I died again
Repetition: You're Late!
Imposter!
Getting Promoted
Failure
The Power Company
A New Toy

Misc

Teach me, Sakura-Sensei! CH1
Teach me, Sakura-Sensei! CH2

 

[Ashali]

Teach me, Sakura-Sensei! Part 1 - Basic Chakra and Stamina

-A few weeks after graduation-

"Now what did we learn today, Naruto?" I said, my hands on my hips as I stood over Naruto's bruised and panting frame. I had challenged him to a taijutsu and ninjutsu only endurance challenge, basically a straight up spar without any real danger. We were to fight until one of us had to rest, and the winner would be the last one standing, with bonus points for landing solid hits. The winner would pick where we would eat for a team dinner later. I could have crushed him easily, but I had a point to prove, and the first step of teaching was to get your students' attention.

Since I had convinced the two of them to participate in training before Kakashi shows up every day, they had quickly learned that Naruto has seemingly limitless stamina, while my overall physical abilities as Sakura were pretty lacking. It wasn't really surprising that he jumped at the chance to "show everyone how cool he is", despite the fact that I always schooled him when I challenged him in basically anything.

"You're.. ha... really strong, Sakura-chan!", He gasped, quickly recovering.

"Try again."

"Idiot" was muttered, a response from Sasuke that was quickly met by one of my kunai sailing through the space his head had occupied.

Well, I won't hold it against Naruto; He's basically blitzed on Kurama's Yang chakra 24/7. It's not really his fault he didn't have anyone to beat thinking things through into his head earlier in life, either.

I patiently waited until he had recovered, before I crossed my arms and cocked my eyebrow at him, "Well?"

"Uh, well... you didn't really use ninjutsu?"

"Point, but I'd like some more details. Sasuke?" I let my gaze travel over to Sasuke, who had now rejoined us and had leaned back against the tree nearby in the middle of the clearing.

Sasuke remained quiet for a moment, obviously thinking it over before responding, "Hm. You controlled the pace of the fight, kept Naruto from resting without putting yourself at risk, and only used ninjutsu where it would have a disproportinate effect, like how you dispelled all of Naruto's shadow clones with a weak fireball when they had dogpiled your illusion clone."

"Correct. Now, Naruto, why did I fight the way I did, focusing on stealth, misdirection, and only a handful of jutsu?", I queried, working on bringing out that natural genius of Naruto, typically buried under his ADD and bouncing-off-the-wall energy, and on getting Sasuke to open up a little, which would prevent his defection to Sound rather handily.

Naruto's shockingly competent once you get him to start thinking with his head instead of his fists...

Naruto screwed up his face, thinking hard before saying, "Um, is it like how you get really tired on our morning runs?"

"Exactly. It's also how Sasuke can't keep up with you on the runs either, and why the Academy and Kakashi always tell us not to waste our energy by throwing out 'cool jutsu' left and right," I continued with my teaching, "So, Sasuke, tell me, how much chakra capacity would you guess Naruto and I have, compared to yourself and to Kakashi-sensei?"

Ah, found you, Kakashi-sensei. Spying on your "cute little genin" again, are you?

He grunted with a brief "Hn" before answering, "I would say you have three quarters of what I do and Naruto has five times as much as myself. As far as Kakashi-sensei, I don't know."

Good, he's already learned not to overestimate or underestimate, or to make uneducated guesses. Orochimaru is in for a hell of a surprise in a few months.

"Good guess, given what you know," I replied, "but the numbers are different. I have barely a third of the chakra you do, and maybe half your stamina, which puts me at slightly above average and you at the extreme high end for stamina and chakra reserves compared to the average genin. It looks like I have more than I do because I have basically perfect chakra control and I don't waste energy. Kakashi-sensei has around ten times your chakra, and four times your stamina, meaning he can fight a lot longer and put out a lot of powerful jutsu if he needs to."

"What about me, Sakura-sensei?" Naruto burst out. I shot him a look promising pain if he didn't stay quiet while I was talking, though the endearing '-sensei' he probably didn't notice he said was a sign that I fully had his attention and he wouldn't forget this lesson.

"Naruto, on the other hand, is anything but normal," I continued to lecture, "He has around five times your stamina, and over a hundred times your chakra capacity. If he didn't waste so much energy and actually learned to fight instead of brawl he could easily be the most dangerous ninja in the village. As an ending note, the Third Hokage has a chakra capacity and stamina level around Kakashi's, but he's exceedingly skilled and can make it last much longer."

Naruto's face lit up, and Sasuke's turned sour for a moment, before becoming questioning as he processed my lecture.

"Sakura, I noticed that you were talking as if there is an important difference between stamina and how much chakra someone has..."

"Because, Sasuke-kun, there is." Kakashi's cheery voice sounded from the tree above us, making Naruto jump, and he paused for a moment before continuing, "Stamina is a measure of how long a ninja can keep going physically and using jutsu in the short term, and chakra capacity is how much chakra a ninja has when fully rested. A ninja can make more chakra in a pinch by using their stamina and focusing, but rest is the best way to recover."

I growled at Kakashi for interrupting my lecture, before I finished the lesson, "Unless a ninja overexerts themselves, their stamina will recover in a few minutes of rest as long as they're well-fed, but chakra will take hours of rest to fully restore. That is why chakra exhaustion, caused by forcing your body to make and use chakra when you've used up your natural reserve and are drained of stamina, is so dangerous. By the way, Kakashi-sensei, you're late!"

Naruto managed to synchronize with his own yell of "YOU'RE LATE!", himself.

Kakashi jumped down from the branch he was hanging on, before giving us a smile and his excuse, "Well, I placed my faith in Sakura-sensei and decided to sleep in, for once!"

We all just gave him a flat look.

 

[Ashali]

Teach me, Sakura-Sensei! Part 2 - Jutsu and Control

A little over three months after graduation, I was leaning against the wall of one of the stores near the gate of Konoha, idly using a shuriken as a yo-yo with chakra strings as the rest of my team and our client made their appearance. I put away my shuriken, grabbed my pack, and joined them in walking out of the gates.

Once again, we had the famous(or infamous) mission to the Land of Waves, protecting the bridge builder Tazuna.

Shortly after we left the village, Tazuna gave his usual line of asking "if he would be safe with these brats" when Naruto got excited about seeing the Land of Waves and the sea for the first time. He would always question our ability, even if we were henged into scary-looking adult forms the entire time he could see us. It was probably his hangover.

You've got a jonin, two combat-focused chunin pretending to be genin, and a nascent god pretending to be a schoolgirl protecting you for the price of a C-rank, I think you'll be fine. I thought sardonically.

"Aah, don't worry, they're fully fledged genin; Naruto is the most unpredictable ninja in Konoha, Sasuke is the genius ninja of his year, and Sakura has the best understanding of chakra, combat tactics and jutsu of any genin I've ever met." Kakashi replied and shot me a suspicious glance before he continued, slyly "They've already proven that they can handle any bandits we might meet on a C-rank escort mission. If we meet anything more dangerous, I'm sure that I can protect you as one of Konoha's elite jonin."

With our faster than ordinary advancement of skill and teamwork, we had already completed two C-ranks, one of which was the capture of a small bandit group. Shockingly, nothing ever seemed to go horribly wrong until the Land of Waves mission unless I defected or went missing-nin.

Kakashi is being surprisingly wordy in this life. Maybe it's because he keeps joining in on my lectures?

Tazuna looked guilty and nervous for a moment, before he responded with, "I'm expecting super protection from you all, then!"

-----

A few hours after Naruto and Sasuke humiliated the Demon brothers who had expected them to be ordinary genin, we set up camp and settled in for the night during the late afternoon. The walk from Konohagakure to the Land of Waves was only a few days long at civilian speed, but it was nothing but stretches of boring, boring wilderness.

As such, it was no surprise when Naruto slid over to me around our small campfire.

"This is boring, Sakura-sensei, teach us something cool!"

I looked at him, then I looked back across the campfire and cocked an eyebrow at Sasuke.

He grunted, then looked away as he quietly admitted, "..I'm still not strong enough to kill That Man."

I didn't bother to look at Kakashi, but addressed him next, "Captain?"

"Go ahead, I'll keep watch, Sakura-sensei," He replied.

Tazuna, interested in our interaction, leaned forward, "Why do they call you Teacher?"

"Because she knows EVERYTHING!" Naruto blurted out.

Sasuke, instead, replied with a hint of wickedness, "Because she spends more time teaching than our jonin-sensei."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kakashi wince. He kept his thoughts to himself, however.

Brutal. Kakashi needs some Burn Heal for how hard the butterflies are hitting his weak points this time around.

"Anyways, what do you want me to teach? Each of you can choose a subject." I interrupted while I put down my empty bowl. Kakashi was a good teacher normally. I just happened to have an unfair advantage.

"Ninjutsu!" Naruto exclaimed, punching his fist into the air.

Sasuke also responded quickly, probably having thought it through previously, "Chakra control. You talk about how important it is, but haven't explained it yet."

"Alright! Those go very well together." I complimented them as I stood up and brushed myself off.

"Oho, I get to see real ninjutsu?" Tazuna said, as he hastily finished his meal.

I began teaching them as I turned and walked a short distance from the camp, lazily making some handseals "Chakra control is a measure of how well a person molds their chakra. Of course, it's more complicated than that, but that's the explanation you get in the Academy."

I crouched and placed my hands on the ground as I finished with the extended series of handseals.

Earth Style: Earth Wall

Five rows of three stone walls shot up from the ground, two meters high and half a meter thick. Tazuna gasped, excited.

I turned back to my students, took a lecturing pose with a hand on my hip and a finger in the air and continued, "Naturally, a person who has small natural chakra reserves, like myself, tends to have a better chakra sense and better control than someone who has large natural chakra reserves, like Naruto. Which is, by the way, why Naruto has so much difficulty performing the basic Illusion Clone technique, but finds the significantly more costly solid Shadow Clone technique so easy."

Kakashi looked on in approval, while Naruto gave out a short "Ah!".

Yes, Naruto. Even I can't do the basic Clone technique properly in your body without creating five or more copies, and I'm inhumanly good now.

"Both chakra control and chakra capacity can be trained; Capacity is best trained through simply using Chakra often. Control is best improved through direct molding exercies such as the leaf floating technique seen in the academy, or the wall walking and water walking taught to genin. Chakra control and the exercises used to train it are exceptionally useful, as the exercises allow you to fight and travel on difficult surfaces, keep hold of weapons, along with many other things. Better control increases the power of jutsu, reduces the cost as you waste less chakra, allows you to modify the jutsu you use, and lets you use more powerful jutsu."

Naruto raised his hand from where he was seated, and asked "Is that why you taught us wall walking and water walking?"

I paused to take a breath, and Kakashi put in, "Any ninja who has mastered the tree walking technique can learn any jutsu that does not require a bloodline. Being able to perform it and the water walking technique is required to become a Chunin."

I nodded at kakashi, "As he said. In any case I've prepared a demonstration," I waved my arm at the rock walls behind me and continued, "I will be using five fire techniques, with exactly the same amount of chakra, except with different levels of control, to show a practical example of exactly how much of a difference chakra control makes."

Naruto clapped, Sasuke leaned forward, and Kakashi put his everpresent Icha Icha away, interested. Tazuna grinned, making "go on" motions with his hands.

I walked to the leftmost set of walls, took a deep breath, then exhaled a stream of fire at the wall.

Fire Style: Flame Breath

There was a blackened circle on the wall where the flames had directly touched, but no real damage.

I regained my breath in a moment, turned back, and said, "This is a D-rank technique, Flame Breath. It's not very strong, and its only real danger is setting things on fire, but even an academy student could learn it."

Moving over to the next wall, I inhaled another large gasp of air, then exhaled an expanding sphere of flame.

Fire Style: Great Fireball

The fireball engulfed the first wall, leaving it entirely seared, leaving some scorch marks on the second, though the third remained untouched. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched when he realized I performed the Uchiha Clan's rite of passage jutsu without a single handseal.

"Wow," Tazuna said, setting down his omnipresent bottle.

I looked back over my shoulder and stated "This is the Great Fireball technique, a C-rank jutsu. As you can see, it's much more dangerous, and has a much wider area of effect. C-rank jutsu are the most common that a ninja will see or face."

Kakashi's gaze traveled from the fith set of walls back to me, probably wondering if I really knew a S-ranked technique.

Yes, yes I do. I thought as I winked at him. He responded by uncovering his Sharingan, unnoticed by the others as he was standing behind them. I smiled cheekily at him. I know you're not going to press me on it until we get back to Konoha. Hee Hee.

At the third set, I made a few rapid handseals, then threw out my hand, palm open. A spear of fire erupted from my palm towards the walls.

Fire Style: Flame Bolt

The firebolt passed through the first two walls, leaving glowing rock in its wake, before leaving a smoking crater in the third.

"This is the Flame Bolt technique, a B-ranked jutsu. It takes a lot more control and practice to perform, as you're creating a solid structure of fire natured chakra, instead of merely throwing flame" I spoke, as I turned back to them, expecting Naruto to speak up.

Naruto didn't disappoint, "Oooh, can you teach me that jutsu?!"

I replied, "I'll teach you all of the techniques I'm showing off today after we get back to Konoha. Would you like some scrolls?" I directed the last part at Sasuke.

"Please." He was really coming along in the whole social interaction thing.

I nodded, then returned to my demonstration in front of the fourth set of walls, with another set of handsigns and once again throwing my palm out towards the walls. A spiraling drill of flame shot forth.

Fire Style: Spiral Flame

The spinning bolt of fire ripped through all three walls before fading into the distance. Only glowing, smoking rocks remained.

I spun back around to my audience to see the looks on their faces while I spoke, "As you can see, an A-rank technique is significantly more powerful than their lesser counterparts. This one is so strong because it spins at a high speed as well as being solid, literally tearing through the target as it burns it. Few things can defend against A-rank or S-rank techniques, so if you happen to meet anyone using one, don't block. You should dodge or cheat with fuinjutsu."

Sasuke was outright grinning where he sat, likely thinking of having these techniques for himself, while Naruto had stood up, dancing from foot to foot. Tazuna was staring, mouth open.

I finally moved in front of the last set of walls and didn't even bother to make handseals or look at my target, instead just pointing at the bottom of the first wall with my index finger and molding chakra. I spoke for the benefit of everyone nearby, "Fire Style: Incineration Ray" as I raised my arm towards the sky.

A needle-thin beam of white-hot energy crossed everyone's vision vertically, followed by a massive explosion that caused them to flinch. When their vision cleared, a trail of destruction three meters wide went off into the distance, the walls completely vaporized. I wasn't going to bother explaining to them how the focused heat and pressure of the technique caused fusion in everything it passed through, obliterating everything it touched.

This just so happened to be the weak end of the technique, at minimum strength.

Everyone was gaping at the destruction, except for Kakashi, whose mind was probably whirling as he considered my power.

"This is an S-ranked jutsu. If you happen to be skilled in a S-rank jutsu while having decent abilities in general, you are often considered a S-ranked ninja. For good reason, S-rank ninjas are so few in number. Many S-ranked ninjas are threats on the level of a Tailed Beast, and are capable of equalling the strength of a Hidden Village if they go all out. In Konoha, the late Fourth Hokage, Minato Namikaze, as well as the three Sannin, Tsunade, Orochimaru, and Jiraiya, are all considered S-rank ninja." This I said from personal experience, as I'd long since joined the ranks of ninja who had singlehandedly destroyed a Hidden Village in a single battle.

Naruto began cheering, "DID YOU SEE THAT? Sakura-chan is so COOL!" while Sasuke narrowed his eyes at me, considering.

Tazuna kept gaping like a fish, and only managed to get out an awed, "...ninja..."

Kakashi choked on his own breath when he finally realized through his Sharingan that my S-rank jutsu could be cast by a genin with enough skill, and that it could be scaled up by simply adding more chakra.

"And that concludes my lesson."

I bowed.

Teaching is even more fun than I thought it would be.

 

[Ashali]

Oops, I died again

I was Sasuke Uchiha, age 20, and after much sweat, tears, and the destruction of the system of ninja and Hidden Villages, I was about to achieve my goal.

UNLIMITED POWER.

I stood atop a black and spiked tower, where a completely indestructible defense against air or scaling the walls protected me. Around it, a wasteland of corpses, broken machines, and rotting plant life littered the landscape. The sounds of battle resounded below me as I finished work with my machine, my modified body quickly and efficiently making the final changes needed.

As I unsealed the chamber and walked towards a large sphere composed of the natural chakra drained from the greater part of the Elemental Nations, the door to the room exploded inwards, twisting into unrecognizable scrap.

Naruto and Sakura stumbled into the room, heavily wounded and scarred, armor shredded. Sakura's left eye glowed red, the blades of the Mangekyo Sharingan she'd been gifted from Kakashi on his deathbed spinning. Kakashi's forehead protector, warped, beaten, and battered, glinted on the remaining chestpiece of Naruto's armor.

I roared, "NARUTO! SAKURA! YOU'RE TOO LATE! I WILL SOON BE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO RULE THE WORLD FOR ALL ETERNITY!" as I grasped the sphere of energy and sucked it into the Chakra core within my chassis' chest.

Naruto was shouting something at me, cloaked in Kurama's chakra and forming an ultra wind Rasenshuriken, but I couldn't hear it over the roar of my zero-point chakra reactor coming online. Sakura was desperately running towards me, space distorting around her, as the feeling I was getting from the infusion of natural chakra turned ominous.

Uh... Did I calibrate my machine right?

I easily located the readouts on the machine with my enhanced vision as everything went wrong. I had misplaced a decimal in one of the earlier parts of the calculation.

Oops.

My head, heavily modified with chakra-infused and nearly indestructible materials, was thrown from my body and lasted just long enough for me to watch the entire atmosphere ignite.

...

I woke up to a familiar ceiling. Hinata, again.

Plus one for not eating energy fields larger than your head. You win again, Evil Overlord List. I should take up a different hobby for a while...

 

[Ashali]

First Tries - Sakura: Chapter 1

I woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling in the dim light of early morning, which was something that I had no experience with.

Huh. That's not normal. Where am I? Well, I've always said that my skill at thinking things through is one of my best qualities... so what happened and how did I get here?

I wracked my brain for any memories I might have about how I got to where I was. As I stirred from where I'd been sleeping, something felt strange.

Well, the last thing I remember is going to sleep in my own bed, so if anything, the most likely explanation is drugs or kidnapping. The second was exceedingly unlikely as I'd led a boring life and I don't do mind-altering substances.

I scrunched my eyes shut again and rolled onto my side, working to see if I could recall anything about how I'd made it to where I was. Something definitely felt strange about how I turned in the bed.

Lets see, it was an ordinary day... I woke up, read some stuff for a few, got dressed, went to work, spent a bunch of time browsing for stuff to read, did some actual work... My memories aren't ever this detailed.

My recall was almost perfect, with only a few missing details I'd never commit to memory anyways.

What.

Shocked, I opened my eyes and saw what appeared to be a full-body mirror directly across the room from me. In its reflection I could see an ADORABLE little girl laying in bed... with pink hair. I waved my hand at the mirror. The cute little girl waved back in the same moment.

I blinked, then did what I always did when I was off balance mentally. I reacted with video games.

"CRITICAL HIT." I said forcefully... or attempted to. The voice I heard was so cute.

Absolutely stunned, I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. This continued for minute or two, as I questioned reality. Eventually, I lapsed back into how I normally handle things.

Eh, whatever. Let's just roll with it and see what happens. If this is a dream, it's the most lucid dream I've ever had, and freaking cool. If it's somehow real, still freaking cool. I get to be adorable. Well then, Status Check! Check body, find out location, create list of inventory.

I sat up out of the bed and checked around the room. In the mirror, I appeared to be an adorable girl with pink hair, green eyes, and physically fit but not muscular. I was pretty hungry, though that didn't stop me from lifting the real hard-wood desk full of reading materials such as 'Basics of Chakra' and 'Academy Taijutsu' in "my" room with some effort - Definitely stronger than I had any right to be, and "my" body felt strangely warm in some kind of sensation I'd never felt in my life. I shelved that thought for later and continued looking around.

I ended up finding the usual things you might find in a young lady's room, though the genuine shiny metal headband with a leaf symbol basically confirmed my suspicion of whose body I was supposedly occupying. I paused for a moment, then went to the window and cracked it open to take a look outside. Off in the distance, as I somewhat expected, was a small mountain with four huge faces carved on it that I could recognize.

Sweet. I should call Naruto Nine Scrolls and see if he gets it.

I closed the window again and turned around, giggling(Again, so freaking adorable), intending to get dressed and have a look around, before I froze.

Damn. I'm a civilian dropped into Sakura and I don't know any of the techniques or skills, let alone how to use chakra. Assuming this is 'real', I'm in for a rough time, despite Sakura having been awful at practicals and awesome at academics.

...

Well, being out of my depth hasn't ever stopped me from doing or saying crazy and or dumb things before. You Only Live Onc.. uh, Twice!

I checked her calendar and what appeared to be the current date was the 15th of the month, circled with a note - "Graduation! 10AM". A quick look at the alarm clock showed that it was shortly after 6, and the alarm was set for 7:15, though it was currently off.

At least I have some time to skim over the books and see if I can't learn enough to not make a complete fool of myself.

-----

A few hours later, I had finally finished skimming the books and seeing if I could use chakra and jutsu. I didn't know if it was because I was Sakura or something else, but using the basic three was pretty easy so long as I went through all of the handseals properly. The chakra pretty much automatically flowed in a pattern when I focused on it and made the signs. Some testing showed that I could cut out handsigns by forcing chakra to flow into the patterns with my mind, though it required me to focus pretty hard.

I was able to perform the sticking technique as described in the manuals on a spare sheet of paper with only a little difficulty, and had spent several minutes giggling while floating it below my hand with my MIND.

Ninjas, punchy stabby wizards, what's the difference?

I retained ordinary human strength and abilities when out of chakra available for use and felt absolutely awful, though I could make more by focusing on strengthening the sensation of chakra as described in 'Basics of Chakra', which was draining and made me even more hungry.

Overall, my lack of skills wasn't as bad as I had feared. I had a lot of catching up to do, but as I already knew how to throw a punch, most of the catching up would be in stealth, traps, survival, throwing, and movement. Most of this I could catch up on as a genin... Probably... Maybe. I hope.

I'm like Sakura, except with more academics and even less practicals. This is going to be Fun. Dwarf Fortress Fun. I wouldn't pass if I were to take the genin test now, but ha, I'm already going to be assigned to team seven if the calendar is correct.

"Sakura, come get breakfast and get ready for your big day!" interrupted my musing.

"Be right there, mom!" I yelled back through the door, somewhat acclimated to Sakura's body already.

Dressed and with equipment strapped to myself as instructed in the manuals, I tied the Konohagakure headband around my head, grabbed Sakura's slightly bulging wallet full of likely saved-up allowance, placed two books to study into my pouches, and headed downstairs to meet my new life.

-----

After a nice breakfast and seconds with Sakura's mom, who was nice if somewhat fussy, I headed outside earlier than Sakura herself would have left and started wandering towards the Hokage tower, which the academy was supposed to be situated near.

A short walk into the bustling village later, I made a turn into a book shop that had caught my attention. I happened to have a decent amount of money and decided that Naruto could use a present. On my way through, I paused at something I hadn't expected but wasn't that surprising once I thought about it.

Jiraiya has an entire section reserved for copies of his works...

I was looking for Jiraiya's one child-friendly book, and found two copies near the end of his row. Grabbing one, I made my way to the front desk to buy it and I signed the Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Ninja inside the front cover, "Never give up, Naruto, though you could slow down and think once in a while. -Sakura.

P.S. Congratulations on graduating, Nine Scroll! I know that you're not what you hold. You're just annoying sometimes "

I took my new acquisition out of the store, wallet slightly lighter, and continued on my way, meeting Ino coming out of the flower shop a few blocks later in her distinctive purple clothing.

"Morning, Sakura."

I smiled at her and kept walking, "Morning, Ino!"

She blinked, a little put off by my bright response, but settled into a walk next to me. Glancing at the item I was holding, she asked, "What's up with the book?"

I grinned, "I got Naruto a present for graduating."

Ino almost stumbled at my completely unexpected response, then recovered, "Huh? But didn't he fail?"

"Yeah, but then Iruka passed him on a make~up," I said, teasing.

Ino frowned, "But there aren't any make-ups, it's pass or fail and he failed! Why did Iruka pass him?"

I continued teasing her mercilessly, leaning towards her, hands behind my back, "That's for me to know, and you to wonder, I~no~"

She pouted at me as the academy came into sight.

That look is adorable on her.

I tripped Ino and took off running, shouting back at her, "Race you to the classroom!"

"CHEATER!"

-----

Ino beat me to the classroom by just a moment, because I had no idea where I was going and took a wrong turn.

She pumped her fist in the air and looked at me, "Goal! What did you do, get lost, cheater?"

I winced, then stamped a foot and stuck my tongue out at her, "I just took a wrong turn, nyeh!"

I looked around the room while Ino continued, "Well, I won, so I get to sit next to Sasuke-kun!"

So there's Shino, Kiba, Hinata, Sasuke, Naruto, Shikamaru, Choji... I'm going to have trouble taking everyone seriously. They're like adorable wolf cubs. Rawr.

I snapped back to reality and grinned, "I'll be on his team while you'll be stuck with Shika and Choji."

She scowled at me as we went down the aisle, "Ha. As if, forehead! Maybe you'll be stuck with Kiba and Shino!"

I shook my head, then nodded at Shikamaru, "Good morning," before turning to Naruto and presenting the book, "I got you a present for graduating, Naruto-kun. I thought you would like it."

To my right, Shikamaru narrowed his eyes at me for a moment, before shrugging his shoulders and heading back up the aisle.

"Eh? Really?" Naruto said, blushing like mad as he grabbed the book right out of my hands and looked at the cover, "Thank you so much, Sakura-chan!"

He started to open it but I interrupted him by hauling him out of his seat and saying, "Naruto, don't open it until AFTER we're done with our graduation, please," then looking at Ino, "After you, my Lady Yamanaka."

Ino sat down with a "hmph", scooted over, and began making eyes at the pretty boy Uchiha. I just rolled my eyes, pushed Naruto down into the seat and ordered, "Move over, there's enough room for four of us."

Naruto hastily complied, awkwardly bumping Ino into Sasuke, whom she locked lips with entirely by accident.

HA! I wish I had the Sharingan so I could immortalize this moment. Though I suppose the memory will have to do.

Utter silence dominated the classroom for a moment before the girls filled the room with noise, though one of the girls blurted out a great line, "Kyaah! Ino-chan got the courage to steal Sasuke-kun's first kiss!"

One of their classmates was shipping Ino and Sasuke? Niiice.

The two of them untangled themselves, though Ino was as red as a tomato while muttering "S-Sasuke-kun" and Sasuke was glaring at everything, if a little pink in the cheeks.

There was enough room next to Naruto so I sat down as Iruka entered the classroom with a "Sit down and shut up!"

The team assignments proceeded as expected, though Ino was brokenhearted that she hadn't been assigned to Sasuke's team.

 

[Ashali]

Repetition: You're late!

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"
"RASENGAN!"

Kakashi, caught flat footed, was blown across the clearing and left a trench in his wake.

"Sasuke-kun, he's our jonin-sensei, why did you do that??" Sakura asked, panicking.

"Eh, he'll be fine. I'm sure he's been through worse. By the way Naruto, this is the incomplete personal technique of your father. I'll teach it to you..."

-----

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"

He stopped when my three shadow clones pretending to be his genin poofed into a cloud of smoke, leaving a burning fuse and a sign saying 'This is your punishment' in their place.

His eye widened comically before the net of explosive tags buried underneath the entire training ground began to go off in a pattern he could escape, if he really tried.

I gave Naruto and Sasuke a grin, "Art is a bang, un!"

I felt a cold shiver go down my spine.

-----

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"
"SECRET KONOHA TAIJUTSU TECHNIQUE: A THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN!"

Kakashi fumbled, valiantly attempting to get out of the way before his butt was speared... after which he poofed into smoke.

"ANCIENT SECRET KONOHA TAIJUTSU TECHNIQUE: A THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN, REDUX!"

I looked back, eyes widening in fear as his counter technique hit me... after which I poofed into smoke.

"ULTIMATE SECRET KONOHA TAIJUTSU TECHNIQUE: A THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN, BEYOND!"

My chakra enhanced poke launched Kakashi into the sky before he fell into the river.

Sasuke and Sakura were looking at me in disgust.

Sasuke started, "Naruto, you..."

"are so uncool," Sakura finished the thought.

-----

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"

He was cut off as my body erupted into golden flames, my whisker marks widening into bands.

"...What."

"Haven't you ever seen a jinchuriki in full Tailed Beast Mode before?" I asked him.

"...No?"

Sakura was shaking in place from the level of chakra I was emitting, while Sasuke was frozen stiff.

We all looked at each other awkwardly before I continued, "Oh... Well, you can't be a really experienced jonin if you haven't. Are you sure you're up to teaching us?"

-----

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"
"Tsukuyomi."

Kakashi fell to the ground, insensate. His body began to giggle.

"...What did you do to him?" Naruto asked.

"I put him in the Sharingan's ultimate genjutsu."

Sakura looked at the grown man giggling in the dirt, "Do I want to know what it does?"

I gave her a slasher smile before responding, "Well, it creates an illusion world that can fit a full day into a single second, and the creator can do anything they wish within it."

Naruto looked between Kakashi and myself, "So... what kind of illusion did you put him in? That's kinda creepy."

I stared at Naruto for a long moment, then gave him a direct answer, "Imagine your Sexy Jutsu, except a thousand times stronger."

Naruto gaped at me. Sakura stared blankly for a moment, then blushed.

-----

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"

A storm of black cats rained from the sky onto him.

"Is this a sign of something?" I queried.

-----

"YOU'RE LATE!" I shouted, pointing my finger at Kakashi.

"Well, you see, a black cat--"

He was interrupted by a flash of light that blinded everyone. When our vision cleared, there was a person in its place.

"You can't let them do it! He... He'll destroy everything!" A rasping voice came out as he stumbled into our wayward teacher.

Kakashi almost attacked the battered and bleeding figure before seeing his ruined Konoha and 'Ninja' headbands.

He caught the falling ninja, asking, "Who?"

The figure raised his head, revealing himself to us all as Kakashi, Mangekyo Sharingan dull in his left eye, "Obito.. He's still.. alive. I'm sorry... my Hokage, Naruto... I failed... you..."

I mirrored the looks of shock everyone was showing as he collapsed, dead, though inside I was congratulating myself on a job well done.

The autopsy later revealed the body to be Kakashi Hatake, four years older than the real one.

 

[FungalPrincess]

It's always annoying to start reading a self insert because they do things that I disagree with for reasons that I don't understand because they're already so developed. I like the premise of this though. I just hope it doesn't turn out like one of those "My life is a game" fics where the protagonist had an option of many different characters and stuck with only one the entire fic.

 

[Ashali]

@FungalPrincess I'm planning for "First Tries - Sakura" to be around 6-8 chapters long at the most(Hopefully). Unlike Sakura, the SI is going to train very hard to be relevant without telling them they're not actually Sakura... and ultimately die because they're not strong enough or skilled enough to pick a fight with the people Naruto and Sasuke do.

Spoiler

"Sand Funeral!"

FFFFFUUUU--

I hope to eventually have something of some length with each of the Konoha 12 eventually, and I'm trying to write a scene a day or so.

 

[BurnNote]

Honestly, that sort of personality flip without a vistit to T&I is kinda straining by SoD. More plausible in latter loops, since then he/she already knows how far to go before catching attention. The complete lack of caution is also pretty strange. Finally, there's nothing really interesting so far. The premise is neat, but you haven't done much with it. Nothing I haven't seen elsewhere, anyway.

The two crack bits on Youth and Eating Energy Fields were funny, so good work there. The Sakura sensei/first try on the other hand are just kind of ordinary fix-fic material, and as said, seem implausible to me.

 

[Ashali]

To be honest, I'm okay with at least rewriting First Tries (Or even dropping it if I can't come up with anything interesting) - I feel like I forced a lot of it, and criticism is welcome.

Edit: A reread of the second chapter I posted and yeah, it is definitely weak.

 

[Felius]

On first try: If the tone is firmly set on crack and don't deviate from that, it shouldn't be too problematic. If you want something that have any sort of seriousness at all, then it needs a severe rewriting of both how the Insert acts and how the natives react to him/her.

On a few other points: Generally good, but could really do with less bad fanon. The whole "Kakashi sucks as a teacher." for example, is so overdone it feels annoying even in parody.

 

[PhoenixFTW]

I'll be honest; I kinda skimmed over First Try. Most of the others were fairly interesting, though, and the YOUTH thing was gut-bustingly funny to me.

 

[Selias]

I'll be honest; I kinda skimmed over First Try. Most of the others were fairly interesting, though, and the YOUTH thing was gut-bustingly funny to me.

Click to shrink...

Same here.

Also, why would the SI do something as stupid as calling Naruto "Nine Scrolls?" For one thing, it doesn't make any sense. He has one seal that contains the Nine Tails, not nine different seals that each contain a ninth of the Nine Tails. Second, showing off that you know a village secret is just stupid.

 

[Wabberjack]

And watched!

 

[FungalPrincess]

I really liked first try and if you abandon that it will just seem like a series of one-shots and I hate those

 

[Ashali]

First Tries - Sakura: Chapter 2

Naruto and I made our way out of the Academy together for our two hours of free time before we would be introduced to our jonin instructors. I was hoping to catch Sasuke and invite him to a team meal, but he had bailed and disappeared when we were dismissed.

Well, maybe it's for the best anyway. I need to talk to Naruto about my stunt with the book.

"Hey, Sakura-chan, now that we're teammates, will you eat lunch with me?" Naruto asked, like he'd been wanting to do since we were assigned to team seven.

I cringed a little, my stomach butterflying with anxiety over how Naruto would react to the message I'd signed it with. I took a deep breath of the fresh spring air to steady my nerves, then responded, "Sure, Naruto-kun. I was hoping to ask Sasuke-kun to join us, but I don't know where he went. Why don't we find a seat over there?" I waved my arm towards the empty training ground attached to the Academy before continuing, "If you didn't bring a lunch, I brought extra; I was expecting us to be at the Academy all day."

"Really? Thanks, Sakura-chan!" the boy exclaimed, looking like he was going to jump for joy, before his face screwed up in thought. I just waited patiently for what he wanted to say while we walked towards some unused posts in the field.

Before we made it there, he managed to muster the courage to voice his fears, "U-um, Sakura-chan, why are you being so nice today?" He shrank in on himself, probably expecting me to say or do something awful to him.

I dragged out the first word, a little teasing, then serious, "Weeellll, I figured something out that gave me a good idea of how you've been treated by everyone and when I realized I'd been treating you the same way, I wanted to apologize. If you open my present to the first page, there will be an obvious hint where I signed on the inside cover."

Having reached the posts, we sat down, Naruto pulling out the book and looking at the inside cover while I grabbed a pair of bentos from the pack I'd brought, setting one next to him.

I watched Naruto freeze up as he finished reading my note. He read the last line again, his eyes tearing up. He was clenching the sides of the book like a lifeline handed to a drowning man.

"I.. you-you know?"

I looked away from him for a bit, embarrassed by the effect my present had on him, and said, "After overhearing some women call you a 'demon' yesterday, I put it together with your birthday and came up with the answer."

Naruto was fighting to talk through his tears, "S-Sakura-chan, I..." he floundered, not knowing what to say.

I offered my hand to him in the symbol of reconciliation, index and middle finger extended, "I'd kind of like to start over. Friends?"

Naruto's smile was truly radiant when he wasn't faking it.

-----

After Naruto got himself back under control, I managed to extract the story of the fight with Mizuki from him while we ate, as well as a promise to train together and try to teach me the Shadow Clone technique. I would have asked for a spar before we got 'introduced' to our jonin-sensei but Naruto had stomach cramps from the expired milk he'd had in the morning, which cut that idea off.

Maybe I should ask my teammates to train together to see where I stand after we get our instructions about tomorrow from Kakashi.

I ended up spending an hour practicing throwing kunai and shuriken with the helpfully illustrated directions in one of the manuals I'd brought. After that short practice, I was able to throw properly, but my accuracy or strength was... not something to write home about.

Regardless, we had returned to the classroom, and were now waiting for Kakashi to show. Rather than spend some unknown amount of time bored, I'd pulled out the short and thoroughly illustrated basic manual on stealth and traps and began to study. Naruto had fidgeted for a while, then decided I had the right idea and started to read Tale of the Gutsy Ninja, really getting into it.

Sasuke just sat in the same spot, staring forward. It was a little unnerving after the first fifteen minutes, so I'd asked, "Why don't you practice chakra control or handseals or something? You ought to have something better to do than stare at the blackboard all day."

He looked at me for a moment, appraising, then nodded at me with a short grunt and started practicing handseals, more quickly than I could make out at times.

-----

When Kakashi finally showed his masked face and silver hair after over two hours of waiting, Sasuke had become bored of practicing handseals and was resting on the desk, looking significantly less tense than he had at the beginning of our wait; He was probably reassured that I had other things to occupy my time than bother him. I had finished reading the manual and had begun trying to spin a pencil above my hand with chakra, while Naruto was still engrossed in his story.

I looked up for a second, then ignored the jonin to continue the lazy spin I'd finally managed.

Either this is easier than I thought or I have Sakura's natural abilities.

He looked us over for a moment, before stating, "Hmm, my first impression... I don't like you guys."

Naruto started with a "huh?"

I let the pen drop into my hand and stuck my tongue out at the legendary scarecrow.

He lazily continued, "Well then, meet me on the roof in five minutes."

"I don't go home with strange ninja without first learning their names." I shot at him, giving a big smile.

Naruto choked, trying not to laugh, and I could feel the amusement off of Sasuke when he looked away from me.

I didn't get a reaction from Kakashi, but I did get a response, "Hm, I'm Kakashi Hatake and you've been assigned to me, so meet me on the roof."

I pouted at his back before we got up to follow him, as I'd been hoping for some kind of reaction from the man.

We made our way up and settled down in front of our teacher and captain.

He wasted no time, "So, why don't you introduce yourselves. Names, your likes and dislikes, dreams and hobbies? Why don't you start from the right?" He pointed at Naruto.

Naruto jumped in, "Hey! All we know is your name! You should go first!"

"Well, alright. I already told you my name, but I'm Kakashi Hatake... I don't feel like telling you my likes and dislikes. Dreams? I don't have any... Hobbies? Hmmm..." He waited for a moment, then continued, "Now you."

The blond chatterbox made a face with the rest of us, before speaking, "I'm Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, especially the ramen that Iruka-sensei treats me to a Ichiraku ramen, a-and I like Sakura-chan," Naruto said the last part in a small voice, peeking at me. I gave him a short nod before he continued, "I don't like waiting the three minutes it takes for instant ramen to cook! My dream is to become the Hokage and have everyone acknowledge me!"

"Interesting. Next."

Sasuke looked up and started, "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. I don't have many likes and I have a lot of dislikes. My dream... No, my ambition is to kill a certain man and restore my clan."

Naruto cringed, obviously wondering if Sasuke meant him. Kakashi remained impassive and I smiled sadly at Sasuke.

Poor kid doesn't know that it wasn't his brother's choice...

"Hm. Your turn, pinky."

I gave them my brightest smile to dispel the slightly gloomy mood, "Yes, captain! My name is Sakura Haruno! I like Sasuke-kun, Naruto-kun, and sweet foods. My dislikes are spicy foods and when people don't take the time to think things through." I gave Naruto a look as I finished that last part, to which he responded by rubbing the back of his head. I continued, "My dream is to become an excellent medical ninja like Tsunade-sama and my hobbies are reading, trivia, and theory-crafting."

Kakashi gave me a brief eye-smile and moved on, "Okay! Those were some interesting introductions! We begin our missions as team seven tomorrow!"

"Yay! What kinds of missions?" Naruto shouted in happiness.

"Well, first, we are going to do something with just the four of us." Kakashi paused, waiting for a reaction.

He got one from Naruto, of course, "What? What?"

"Survival training."

Naruto was surprised, "Survival training? I thought it was a mission!"

I stayed quiet, already knowing what was going to happen.

"This isn't normal training. I'll be your opponent."

"Eh? Then, then, what is it?"

Kakashi started giggling to himself. I made a face at him, "Find something funny?"

"Well.. it's just that... When I tell you this, you guys are going to flip."

"Huh? Why?" came Naruto's voice, again.

"Of the 27 graduates, only 9 will be chosen as genin. The rest will be sent back to the Academy. In other words, this training is a super difficult exam with a failure rate of 66%!"

Naruto was stunned, eyes wide. Sasuke clenched his hands together, and I just leaned back on my hands while looking at the masked terror, unimpressed.

Kakashi couldn't resist continuing to bait the poor jinchuriki, "See, see, you got disenchanted!"

Naruto burst out at him, "That's crazy! We suffered so much just to take another test! T-Then, what was the graduation test for?"

"Oh? That? It was just to select those who have the potential of becoming genin."

"WHAAAT?"

Kakashi continued, "Well, that's the way it is. I'll be deciding whether you pass or fail. Bring your complete set of ninja tools, we meet at five in the morning! The details can be read on this printout. You're dismissed." as he walked over and handed us three sheets of paper with his instructions.

The jonin turned and began to walk away, then shot over his shoulder as he jumped off the roof, "Oh, and don't eat breakfast tomorrow, you'll just throw up."

Huh. After sitting through that in person, it's definitely cool how he said that last part AFTER he dismissed us. Sneaky. I'll bring extra food tomorrow morning.

I grinned to myself and looked at the two boys after taking a peek at the sheet. Naruto was trying to read it, while Sasuke had apparently memorized his and was in the process of crumpling it into a ball. There was an opportunity here, and I was going to claim it, "Hey you two, want to train for a while and then get some dinner before tomorrow?"

Naruto gave me an immediate, "Sure, Sakura-chan!" that I was partly certain was reflex. Sasuke kept to himself, thinking it over, so I gave a little push, "You know, you two have goals that involve becoming some of the most powerful ninja in the world... Don't you think that training together instead of beating up wooden poles would get you there faster?"

Sasuke looked over at me for a moment, probably wondering about my change in attitude from the Sakura he was used to, "...Fine."

"Then, get your equipment," I pointedly looked at Sasuke and Naruto's lack of holsters or pouches at the moment, "and I'll see you at the training ground in a few!"

I waved my sheet at them because it included instructions on where the training ground was, and left.

----------------------------
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=================
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----------------------------

I spent the entire holidays not writing and instead played video games. I'm tending to do a lot of my writing at work on the night shift because work tends to be slow and boredom makes good inspiration.

I would hope to eventually have crack, enjoyable semi-serious shorts, a decent story, etc. if I can keep up the writing for a good couple months at the least. @FungalPrincess First Tries isn't being dropped unless I can be convinced that it has no value and isn't treading any new ground.

@Felius Your comment regarding "Kakashi sucks as a teacher" makes me think you at the very least missed the sentence where I explicitly stated that he did not suck as a teacher in 'Teach Me, Sakura-sensei!' - Word of God: He just shows up late all the time, so the 'canon' Team Seven sits around in the morning instead of training, because they can't really get along with each other without being pushed.

That all said, here is my rewrite of chapter 2 of First Tries. Thanks go to my coworker Ryan and my brother @Lumarin for beta-reading it and @BurnNote and @Felius for letting me know straight up that the first version broke suspension of disbelief - I had forced a lot of it and it was definitely poor.

 

[Felius]

@Felius Your comment regarding "Kakashi sucks as a teacher" makes me think you at the very least missed the sentence where I explicitly stated that he did not suck as a teacher in 'Teach Me, Sakura-sensei!' - Word of God: He just shows up late all the time, so the 'canon' Team Seven sits around in the morning instead of training, because they can't really get along with each other without being pushed.

Click to shrink...

On one hand you have a quick mention that he doesn't suck as a teacher, on the other you actively show him as a terrible teacher whenever training gets to be focused. Show, don't tell.

 

[Ashali]

On one hand you have a quick mention that he doesn't suck as a teacher, on the other you actively show him as a terrible teacher whenever training gets to be focused. Show, don't tell.

Click to shrink...

There hasn't been any actual showing regarding Kakashi teaching in anything I've written yet, so I don't get where you're coming from at all.

Edit: I spent a few minutes looking back and re-reading what I wrote, and I'm still not seeing it here. Could I get a quote of where specifically you're getting the idea from in my writing?

 

[PyroTechno]

There hasn't been any actual showing regarding Kakashi teaching in anything I've written yet, so I don't get where you're coming from at all.

Edit: I spent a few minutes looking back and re-reading what I wrote, and I'm still not seeing it here. Could I get a quote of where specifically you're getting the idea from in my writing?

Click to shrink...

One of the characters commented that Sakura-Sensei was teaching them more than Kakashi ever had. That could have been interpreted as incompetence on Kakashi's part, even if it was actually just SS-rank pseudo-Sakura trying the teaching thing.

 

[ir_fane]

I think it also commented that Kakashi was very blatantly being lazy and letting her teach what she could.

 

[Finagle007]

It's plainly obvious Kakashi's a bad teacher. He made jonin younger than Team 7 made genin - younger than his own sensei made genin, for god's sake! PTSD up the wazoo from the war and Kurama's rampage, years in ANBU, and no therapists in the entire village; and that goddamn Sharingan screwing with his head on top of all that... yeah, he's a VERY good ninja, but a SHITTY teacher. Sort of like Snape: just because you're very good at your job doesn't mean you can teach others your field of expertise.

About the Sharingan: It gives perfect memory of everything it sees when active. 99.9% of all Sharingan users ONLY activate it in combat, where they watch people bleed, suffer and die; allies and enemies. Memories of things not seen by the Sharingan fade over time, but Sharingan-witnessed memories don't... Need I go on?

 

[Ashali]

This sort-of became a decently long off-topic rant about Team Seven. Oops.

I think Kakashi's major problem as a teacher is that he expects Team Seven to learn like he did, which was basically training all the time to be strong enough to stay alive during a ninja war.

Unfortunately, they're in a time of peace and except for Sasuke, they don't have the drive to spend all of their time training. Also, the team dynamics of Team Seven means that they don't train with each other - Sasuke dislikes both of his teammates, Sakura ignores Naruto, and Naruto is resentful of being basically ignored by the others, so he doesn't put a ton of effort into working with them regarding training. Additionally, even Sasuke, despite his 'family problems', tends towards not training like crazy until reality hits him over the head with how ridiculously strong Itachi is and how Naruto is growing stronger than him.

At which point Sasuke abandons ship to Orochimaru, probably fueled at least in part by the cursed seal. He likely also harbored some resentment towards Kakashi for Kakashi's lazy attitude regarding training before the 1-month wait between the 2nd and 3rd part of the chunin exams.

Given how Kakashi acts onscreen during all of part 1 regarding team seven, it's probably fair to assume he shows up late(like 10-11AM), and leaves early(4-5PM or so) pretty regularly. Despite that, he clearly trains them to have a significantly better showing in the chunin exams than they did during the prologue, so I would say he's probably a decent teacher when he's actually teaching. He obviously has no idea how to handle relatively normal kids, though.

If someone were to take away any of the conditions that is causing problems for the advancement of skill in Team Seven(Kakashi's lazy attitude, the team dynamics, or by adding an outside factor to push them together like Zabuza did, except longer term), you'd rapidly develop a positive feedback loop regarding the team's skill and power and they'd have probably been shoo-ins for promotion to chunin during the exams, at the very least. At the best, you'd easily have the next generation of the Sannin, which really shows after the team buckles down on solo training during the time skip to part 2. Sakura is the only one not to shine, and that's only because the support skill set that she learns basically requires allies and team combat to show its worth, and a lot of solo combat ends up happening instead(She becomes a slow melee heavy hitter in a world of high-speed, so she basically requires someone to control the flow of combat and give her openings).

 

[Ashali]

A/N: This one is full on crack. Wheeeeee.

Imposter!

After several months of preparation, I was starting one of the greatest mind screws ever performed in the history of the Elemental nations... by begging the Hokage for a harder mission on the day Team Seven receives the mission to the Land of Waves.

After a couple thousand years of the same events, even I get a little bored.

"Old man, please give me something better like an A-rank! I want to be out doing crazy missions like slaying a dragon, or fighting bands of mercenaries, or saving a princess, or, or kidnapping the Raikage and challenging him to a dance off with his brother providing rap music!"

"Naru-" Kakashi, about to make a comment regarding my complaint, cut himself off when he registered the last one, "Wait, what?"

Iruka, having been there just before us, exploded at me, "NARUTO! Stop being disrespectful to the Hokage!"

Hiruzen, Fourth Hokage of Konoha, sighed, "Naruto, it seems I need to tell you about how missions are assigned. You s--"

I cut him off, having heard it more than enough times, "I know! Genin get D-ranks, then C-ranks if they're good enough, chunin get C and B ranks, and special jonin and jonin get B ranks, A ranks, and S ranks."

"Then you should let the Hokage and your jonin-sensei decide if you're ready, idiot!" Iruka yelled at me.

I gave the room my foxiest grin, to which Sasuke and Sakura dove for cover, having learned that only Bad Things happened when I gave people that look, then said, "But I can prove that I can take anything you've got! Watch!"

I pointed at a potted plant that was soaking in light at the side of the room, and ordered, "Get me a ramen from Ichiraku!"

The masked anbu with purple hair released her henge, sighing. She snapped off a salute, gave me a "Yes Sir!" in a delicate voice, then promptly walked to the window, opened it, and shunshined away.

The old man gave me a kindly smile, "Naruto, just because one of my anbu is willing to get you ramen doesn't mean that you're ready for harder missions."

I just kept grinning at them. Kakashi, suspicious, removed his headband to reveal his Sharingan. He looked at me for a moment, before a commotion outside the door to the office caught our attention. A familiar chirping sound was echoing from the other side of it. Iruka pulled a kunai out while the Hokage stood up, his disposition rapidly changing from the kindly old man into the battle-hardened veteran that he was famous as the God of Ninja for.

As Kakashi finished his hand seals and his right hand was enveloped by lightning, the doors burst open, revealing... ?Kakashi, hand full of lightning, flanked by two masked anbu. ?Kakashi rushed forward, attempting to spear the apparent fake through the chest. 'Kakashi' wasn't about to go down without a fight, and struck back.

"IMPOSTER!"
"IMPOSTER!"

Both of them rushed towards each other in a brief blur, then stopped, hands the barest distance from each others' chests, as they'd grabbed each others arms with the hand that wasn't pointed towards the others' heart. The two anbu moved forwards as if to attack the person we had entered the room with, then stopped and placed their weapons at the new ?Kakashi's throat.

?Kakashi, stunned by the actions of the anbu, released his technique as the other one stepped away. I looked at him and muttered, "Expect Kakashi to be the first one to escape...".

'Kakashi' looked back at me, "Well, he is the best jonin we have."

Sakura, safe in the corner of the room, couldn't take the confusion any more, "WHAT IS GOING ON?"

Iruka, about to say something similar, stopped and settled back into a defensive stance. The Hokage, however, gave me a look that would have left someone lesser than I trembling, "Explain."

"Ehehehe..." I rubbed the back of my head, then gave 'Kakashi' a look. He promptly poofed into a Naruto clone, said "You're on your own," and dispelled.

"Traitor," I said, before I looked at the old man, "Uhhhh..."

"Naruto. Now."

"...Would you believe me if I told you that I tied up and replaced all of the on duty anbu, jonin, and the entire Hokage tower staff with transformed shadow clones?"

Utter silence fell on the room for a moment, during which the 'anbu' with the real Kakashi lowered their weapons and were forcibly dispelled by him for their trouble. I winced. Getting dispelled didn't hurt as much as really getting hit, but he really put them down hard.

We all stood there for another long moment, everyone in the room staring at me. The atmosphere was one of complete disbelief, so I took the only option available to me, and asked, "What?"

Iruka was the first to recover, if it could be called that. He dropped his kunai and limply sat down on the floor, "I don't believe it."

Kakashi took a more rational approach, "Prove that you're Naruto," while Hiruzen remained stoic behind his desk.

Just on time, the 'anbu' I'd sent on the most vital of missions returned through the open window and presented 'her' prize to me. I eagerly grabbed it, shouted "RAMEN," sat down, and began to shovel it in. The purple-haired 'anbu' dispelled.

"Naruto..."
"Ugh, Naruto."
"Yes, that's Naruto all right."
"...Idiot"

With that, the tension that had been building broke and was replaced by sighs. Before anything else could happen, a green blur burst through the open window.

"MY HOKAGE, I HAVE BESTED THE DASTARDLY NINJA THAT CAPTURED MY GENIN, AS THEY WERE ONLY MERE CLONES, BUT I FEAR--"

"Gai, just... stop," Hiruzen said, weary. He sat down, placed his head in his hands, and began to massage his temples.

Kakashi looked at the rope marks that I'd left on him, then looked at me, "If you did this to everyone else as well... Where are they?"

"Well... That's kind of a funny story, you see..."

Hahahahaha.... oops... I hope they let me off easy. If they don't, I heard that Kumo is nice this time of year...

 

[edmantgoog]

It's plainly obvious Kakashi's a bad teacher. He made jonin younger than Team 7 made genin - younger than his own sensei made genin, for god's sake! PTSD up the wazoo from the war and Kurama's rampage, years in ANBU, and no therapists in the entire village; and that goddamn Sharingan screwing with his head on top of all that... yeah, he's a VERY good ninja, but a SHITTY teacher. Sort of like Snape: just because you're very good at your job doesn't mean you can teach others your field of expertise.

About the Sharingan: It gives perfect memory of everything it sees when active. 99.9% of all Sharingan users ONLY activate it in combat, where they watch people bleed, suffer and die; allies and enemies. Memories of things not seen by the Sharingan fade over time, but Sharingan-witnessed memories don't... Need I go on?

Click to shrink...

to be fair it is likely that he taught his team the head hunter jutsu since naruto uses a variation of in tn the chunin exam