37: Truthwatcher
Lithos Maitreya
Character Witness
- Location
- United States
Thanks to Elran and @BeaconHill for betareading, and to Phinnia for the commissioned icon.
When at last I reached the Celduin, the River Running, on the far side of that dire forest, I collapsed in exhaustion. I consider it a stroke of incredible fortune that I was not killed there while I slept.
Renarin was almost exactly the same height as his brother. There was less than an inch difference between them. Nonetheless, Adolin always seemed to loom over him. Whether it was because of Shardplate lending him some extra, or because Sureblood was so much taller than Renarin's own horse—a respectable mare named Melial, but no Ryshadium.
It didn't normally bother Renarin. Adolin was always broader than he was, why shouldn't he be taller too? If anything, it just made sense. But somehow, today, having to crane his neck to see Adolin more than a foot above him on Sureblood irked him.
Several of Sarus' fellow former bridgemen were nearby, though they were on foot. Darkeyes weren't forbidden to ride horses—it wasn't like the reservation of swords for the lighteyed—but very few darkeyes ever had the opportunity to learn to ride. The rare beasts were simply too expensive.
Sarus himself was not here. He had not come on a plateau run since being freed, and Renarin couldn't blame him. He was honestly surprised any of the former bridgemen did, after the horrors they'd been forced to endure. But a few were usually willing to come with him. They never tried to guard Adolin—they refused to cross the final bridge into the battle, even those who came with the army, and Adolin was always among the first into the fray. But they took their duty to guard Renarin seriously.
He didn't resent it. After all, he was now a full Shardbearer, and training with Zahel in the sword. He could slip his guards any time he liked.
All he needed to do was join the battle. Summon his screaming Shardblade and attack. Kill.
"Damnation," Adolin said softly.
Renarin followed his gaze. The battle had already joined ahead of him. Roion and Ruthar's armies were already on the next plateau—and so were the Parshendi. Not only that, but the Parshendi seemed to be flanking the armies, cutting off a large portion of Roion's forces while driving Ruthar's back across their bridges.
"Jakamav is commanding that army," Adolin said. Jakamav was a Shardbearer under Roion, and a friend of Adolin's. Renarin had never much liked him, but Renarin didn't much like most Shardbearers, because most Shardbearers were consummate Alethi warriors, and consummate Alethi warriors tended not to like a man who barely knew which end of a sword to hold. If he could stop having fits long enough to grasp it.
"They're deploying larger forces," Renarin said. "Two armies at once would have overwhelmed whatever forces the Parshendi would commit before the Tower."
"They're mirroring us," Adolin agreed. "We've started sending more men on each assault, so they're doing the same. Our bridges move slower, so they have time to muster more of their forces, I'd guess."
"Then Sadeas must be beating them to the gemheart almost every run he makes," Renarin said quietly.
"Probably. Can't these bridges move any faster?"
Renarin shot a glance at the former bridgemen marching beside his horse, but none of them had looked in their direction at Adolin's comment. "Be careful what you wish for," he told his brother. "I'd rather have slow bridges than bridges like Sadeas."
Adolin sighed. "So would I. Jakamav can hold. He can. He knows what he's doing."
Renarin's heart clenched in sudden shame. Adolin was just worried about his friend, and Renarin was more concerned about whether he would offend their guards. "He does. You'll get there in time."
They were almost to the chasm now. Their strike force today was relatively small—House Kholin wasn't in rotation for plateau runs today, but Father wanted to show a spirit of cooperation, of unity, by sending smaller teams to plateaus near their warcamp to assist. But when the bridges were pulled by chulls, the only benefit to a smaller force was that it took less time to muster. It didn't actually make the run faster. The chulls moved at their own pace, and would not be hurried.
After what felt like hours—but couldn't have been more than five minutes—the chulls came to a halt at the edge of the chasm, and the heavy bridge dropped from its tower, swinging down and across the chasm. Adolin spurred Sureblood and sped into the battle without so much as a word to Renarin.
Renarin sighed as the soldiers around him all charged. In mere moments the only people left on the plateau were him, his guards, and a few surgeons setting up a rapid field hospital. Across the bridge, Adolin threw himself into the Parshendi line, his Blade arcing around him, sending Parshendi falling with burning eyes in the dozens. The rest of the force fell in behind him, delving into the Parshendi line like an arrowhead embedding into flesh.
Renarin dismounted from Melial, his gauntleted hand resting on her neck. He still felt odd in his father's Plate. The slate grey armor just didn't feel right on his body. It fit perfectly, of course—Plate was incredibly accommodating and easy to adjust to any body type—but even so it felt like wearing his father's clothes. He felt like a fraud in the armor, like people would look to it and think Dalinar Kholin, the Blackthorn, was coming to their aid, only to find that it was only weak little Renarin.
Clearmark for your thoughts? Glys said in Renarin's head.
Nothing important, Renarin said. You can come out, you know. Neither Sarus nor Kaladin is here.
I'm not risking it, said Glys.
It's hardly even a risk, Renarin coaxed. Sarus is the only person who's ever seen you when you were hiding, and he's always been strange.
Everybody's strange, if you spend enough time learning their quirks. No, Renarin, I'm staying in here. I'm glad you have this Plate now. How would you like to wear it all around the warcamp?
Why on Roshar would I do that?
Well, it's safer. But more importantly, the avastium alloy blocks those little lights that drip up from me. When I'm in your pocket, I start to get a tiny bit visible if you stand still for a few seconds.
No one's going to notice a few sparkles on my chest, Glys. And if they do, they'll assume it's sand or something.
Unless they know what they're looking for! Glys' voice was sharp, almost frantic. You can never be too careful, Renarin. They're probably hard to see in the daylight, but what about at night? What about indoors? What about during a highstorm?
Glys.
The spren fell silent. This had started happening ever since Sarus had unexpectedly seen Glys that day in the training grounds, a little over a week ago. Renarin hadn't known spren could be paranoid, but Glys seemed to be on the edge of panic all the time, especially whenever they were near any of the former bridgemen. Which, given that they were now Renarin's guards, was nearly all the time.
We can trust Sarus, Renarin reassured the mistspren. We can, Glys. He's a good man.
Even good men can be wrong, Glys said. In fact, it doesn't really make it any less likely. He's a Radiant, Renarin. That means he's dangerous.
I'm a Radiant too.
Yes, but… Glys trailed off.
But what? Renarin prompted.
Glys didn't answer.
Glys— Renarin was forced to turn his focus away from his spren when he heard one of the guards beside him curse softly. He blinked.
The Parshendi were attacking the rear guard. They were trying to take the bridge.
"Think they can hold the bridge?" one of the former bridgemen, Dunny, asked another.
"That rear guard's too small," said the one he'd spoken to, a man named Bisig. "They're going to get overrun. But that bridge is probably too heavy for the Parshendi to knock into the chasm even if they do."
That was true. Renarin had seen the Parshendi knock smaller bridges, like those these men had carried, into the chasms during battles, but never one of the heavy chull-pulled bridges his father employed. It would be all right. Maybe Adolin would have to fight through this smaller force on his way back from the battle if he had to retreat, but he would be able to do that without too much trouble. Adolin was one of the greatest warriors in Alethkar; it would take more than a few dozen Parshendi to stop him.
Suddenly, Renarin thought of the battle on the Tower. He thought of his brother and father, trapped on a plateau with no escape, slowly being whittled down until half the army was gone.
He couldn't let that happen here. Even though his hands were already shaking, even though he could already feel sweat beading on his brow, he couldn't let that happen here.
Before he could second-guess himself, he started running. The guards behind him let out a shout, and he heard them scrambling to catch up with him.
One of the Parshendi saw him approaching, and somehow communicated it to the rest of his squad. Several continued fighting the Kholin rearguard, but a dozen of them turned in his direction, raising their weapons.
Renarin gritted his teeth and thrust his hand out to the side. One heartbeat. Two. Three. Four. He was at the edge of the bridge. His boots thudded against the wood. Five. Six. Seven. Two of the Parshendi charged past the soldiers, weapons held to their sides as if they planned to strike him simultaneously from both sides. Eight. Nine. The first Parshendi swung.
Ten.
The Blade fell into Renarin's hand. He screamed, his voice joining with Glys' and with that of the cursed weapon in his hands as he swung. The Blade sheared through the Parshendi's weapon, and both Parshendi leapt back, their battle-song changing suddenly into a different melody, one sharper and more frantic than the one drifting over the rest of the battle.
Renarin raised his sword, hand shaking, and found that he couldn't move his legs. The screaming in his ears was too loud, the fear in the Parshendi's eyes too bright. There was too much. Too much too much too much—
One of the former bridgemen leapt out in front of him with a spear. Two more followed him into the battle. A fourth put his hand on Renarin's arm. "Come on back, lad," he said. It was an older man, compact of frame, with hair that was just starting to gray. Teft, Renarin noted, as if observing from a long way off. The man's name was Teft.
Renarin staggered back, away from the battle, and dismissed his Shardblade. The sudden silence in his head was thunderous.
His hands shook as he followed Teft back. A minute later, the three men who had leapt into battle to defend him—to defend a full Shardbearer—joined them.
"Here, lad," said Teft soothingly, leading Renarin to a boulder not far from Melial. "Have a seat. Rest up a bit."
Renarin's legs practically buckled as he sat down on the boulder, tugging off his helm and letting it fall to the rock by his feet. His hands shook in his lap, his gauntlets rattling on his fingers. Slowly, painfully slowly, they fell still. "Thank you," he said hoarsely.
"Any time, Brightlord," said Teft. Renarin almost asked if he would continue calling him 'lad.'
His eyes slid shut. I'm a failure.
No other Shardbearer has to deal with their weapon screaming, Renarin, said Glys quietly. It's not your fault.
How do you know?
I know why the weapon is screaming. It's not—
If you tell me it's something I can't know until I've sworn another ideal, I'm going to tell Teft about you right now.
A terrible silence fell between them. Renarin imagined he could feel Glys, frozen against his chest. Was he shaking in terror, just like Renarin had?
I'm sorry, whispered Renarin. I'm just—I'm so tired. I'm an Alethi who doesn't know how to fight. I'm a Shardbearer whose sword screams so loud he can't use it. I'm a Radiant who can't control the one Surge he uses. And I'm a Truthwatcher without any answers. I won't tell anyone about you. I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking. But I can't keep accepting that I just have to be patient before I get any real answers. I can't fight, but I can seek the truth. I will seek the truth.
Suddenly a new voice whispered in his ear. A voice Renarin had heard once before. Soft, sultry, dissonant. These words, she said, are accepted.
Renarin breathed in sharply.
The Second Ideal of the Truthwatchers, whispered Glys. He sounded defeated.
I… Renarin didn't know what to say, but Glys kept going before he had to figure it out.
I'm sorry, Renarin. I'm—what have I been doing? I'm a mistspren. I'm supposed to be rewarding curiosity. Not hiding my secrets from you like a gambler hiding a card in his sleeve.
…Does this mean you'll give me answers?
Glys was silent for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was soft. At once reverent and terrified. Her name is Sja-anat.
Who?
The one who enlightened me. I told you, remember, the night you swore the First Ideal? I'm not a normal mistspren. I'm an enlightened one.
What does that mean?
It means that I am of Odium.
Renarin blinked. And that means…?
Glys made a soft sound, like a cross between a sigh and a pained squeak. Okay. Let's start at the beginning.
Here in the Rosharan system there are three gods. Or there were. Long, long ago, there were only two—Honor and Cultivation. Every spren you've ever seen is a Splinter of their power—of one, the other, or a mixture of both. The only exception is me.
I'm a mistspren. Mistspren are born as a blend of Honor and Cultivation—mostly Cultivation, but we have our share of Honor, too. But I was curious. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to see the world in a different way. I wanted to see what it was like to be something else. So I sought out Sja-anat.
Sja-anat is one of the nine Unmade, incredibly powerful spren of the third god—Odium, the god of hate. He's the being behind the desolations. The creatures you call Voidbringers are his servants. Sja-anat has the unique ability to 'enlighten' spren of Honor and Cultivation. But she's not like the other Unmade. Most of them are mindless, just forces acting on the world. But she's not only sapient, she's kind. She could unmake spren, turning them into monsters, slaves to Odium's will. She doesn't. Instead, she sets us free. She only enlightens those who seek her out, who ask for it, who give their knowing, willing consent. I did, and I was transformed. I don't remember the time before that so well, but I remember everything after much clearer than any spren should, here in the Physical Realm.
But, Renarin, Glys' tone became pleading. The change wasn't just mental. I look different from other mistspren. If any other sapient spren, like Sarus' inkspren or whatever spren follows Kaladin around, catches a glimpse of me? They'll know right away, not only that I'm not a normal mistspren—they'll know I'm enlightened. They know I went to Sja-anat. And even though I know she didn't turn me into a slave to Odium, they don't.
Renarin suddenly understood. That's why you're afraid of them, he said. You're afraid they'll, what, kill you? Kill me?
Yes. Both.
Suddenly, Renarin heard a clatter nearby. He looked up to see Adolin approaching him. The battle had ended while he spoke with Glys. He felt nearly as exhausted as he imagined he would if he had fought it himself. "Hey," said Adolin. "Ready to head back?"
Renarin didn't trust himself to speak, so he just nodded.
Adolin frowned. "What's wrong?"
Renarin couldn't find the words, so he just averted his eyes, looking back down at the ground. He heard Teft pull Adolin aside, probably to explain what had happened. A moment later, Renarin felt his brother's hand on his shoulder.
"It's all right, Renarin," Adolin said.
Renarin shrugged.
Above him, Adolin sighed. "I have to go organize the withdrawal," he said. "I'll be back, all right?"
Renarin nodded, and Adolin patted him once more, then jogged off.
He's kind to you, Glys said. He sounded oddly wistful.
He is, Renarin agreed. Even when I don't deserve it.
You always deserve it. You certainly deserve better than I've been giving you. Do you have any more questions?
Just one. Why does my Shardblade scream?
Glys paused for a moment. I'm not going to make you promise not to tell Sarus this, he said. But I am going to ask you not to, for the same reason I asked you not to tell Elhokar about his Cryptic. It might drive a wedge between him and Archive, make it harder for her to trust him.
Then why aren't you making me promise? Renarin asked. You made me promise not to tell Elhokar.
Because I need to learn to trust you. Even if it's hard. Glys took a deep breath. They're spren, Renarin.
What?
The Shardblades. The Radiants of old didn't have Shardblades and spren. They had spren, and those spren could transform into Shardblades.
Renarin's brow furrowed. But then…
It came together suddenly in his head. He remembered Glys telling him about what would happen if Renarin broke his oaths. He remembered learning about the Radiants from the ardents as a child. About the Recreance. The day when the Knights Radiant had broken their oaths. All of their oaths.
That's what happens to a spren when their Radiant betrays their oath? Renarin asked, feeling his throat close up in sick horror. They turn into… into—
If their Radiant had sworn the Third Ideal, allowing them to summon the spren as a weapon? Yes.
…And if they hadn't sworn the Third Ideal?
Then they're trapped in the Cognitive Realm as a deadeye.
A deadeye?
It's what we call dead spren on the other side. Because their eyes are gone—like they were scratched out. They still walk around, you know—spren can't die, not the way humans and Parshendi can. If they can manifest as a Shardblade they usually just follow around whoever carries the weapon, waiting to be summoned into the Physical Realm to fight. They don't speak. They don't do anything. Just shuffle around, empty husks that used to be family or friends.
Renarin swallowed. That's horrible.
It is.
How could the Radiants do that? Renarin asked. To their partners—their friends?
That, Glys said softly, is one of the biggest questions on Roshar. What could have convinced all of the Radiants—hundreds of them—to kill their spren, all at once, in a single day? What happened on the Day of Recreance? What happened to our friends and family, our bravest, noblest souls? No one knows.
Renarin took a deep breath and stood up. Well, he said. We'll just have to find out, won't we?
Glys was silent for a long moment as Renarin started walking towards Melial. How?
Not sure yet, said Renarin. But I swore to seek the truth. I'll figure something out.
He mounted the horse and cantered off towards where the column was assembling. Melial fell into step beside Sureblood. "It wasn't a fit," Renarin said quietly when Adolin glanced his way.
Adolin smiled sympathetically. On anyone else, the look would be pitying, but Adolin didn't pity Renarin. He might not really understand him, but he valued him. Often more than Renarin deserved. "You don't really know how to fight yet, Renarin," he said. "Give it time. Zahel will have you fighting as well as anyone in Alethkar before too long."
"Right." Renarin snorted. "And you think I can be ready in forty-seven days?" That was how long was left before the countdown in his visions reached zero.
Adolin grimaced. "The numbers on the walls?"
Renarin nodded.
"Try not to think on those too much," Adolin said. "We don't know what they mean. It might be nothing. A practical joke."
"It isn't," said Renarin.
Don't expose us, warned Glys.
Adolin sighed. "The Shardbearer from the Tower was on the field today," he said.
That successfully changed the subject. "You fought him?"
"No, actually," Adolin said. "She—I think it might be a woman, it's hard to tell—cut open the chrysalis and was ready to run away. But when she saw me she asked to parley with Father."
"Parley? The Parshendi haven't been willing to talk since they assassinated Uncle Gavilar."
"Apparently, that was long ago, and times change."
Renarin frowned in confusion. "We're missing something."
"Probably," Adolin agreed. "But what better way to find out the truth than to show up to that parley? They'll send a messenger to set up a time."
When at last I reached the Celduin, the River Running, on the far side of that dire forest, I collapsed in exhaustion. I consider it a stroke of incredible fortune that I was not killed there while I slept.
-x-x-x-
Renarin was almost exactly the same height as his brother. There was less than an inch difference between them. Nonetheless, Adolin always seemed to loom over him. Whether it was because of Shardplate lending him some extra, or because Sureblood was so much taller than Renarin's own horse—a respectable mare named Melial, but no Ryshadium.
It didn't normally bother Renarin. Adolin was always broader than he was, why shouldn't he be taller too? If anything, it just made sense. But somehow, today, having to crane his neck to see Adolin more than a foot above him on Sureblood irked him.
Several of Sarus' fellow former bridgemen were nearby, though they were on foot. Darkeyes weren't forbidden to ride horses—it wasn't like the reservation of swords for the lighteyed—but very few darkeyes ever had the opportunity to learn to ride. The rare beasts were simply too expensive.
Sarus himself was not here. He had not come on a plateau run since being freed, and Renarin couldn't blame him. He was honestly surprised any of the former bridgemen did, after the horrors they'd been forced to endure. But a few were usually willing to come with him. They never tried to guard Adolin—they refused to cross the final bridge into the battle, even those who came with the army, and Adolin was always among the first into the fray. But they took their duty to guard Renarin seriously.
He didn't resent it. After all, he was now a full Shardbearer, and training with Zahel in the sword. He could slip his guards any time he liked.
All he needed to do was join the battle. Summon his screaming Shardblade and attack. Kill.
"Damnation," Adolin said softly.
Renarin followed his gaze. The battle had already joined ahead of him. Roion and Ruthar's armies were already on the next plateau—and so were the Parshendi. Not only that, but the Parshendi seemed to be flanking the armies, cutting off a large portion of Roion's forces while driving Ruthar's back across their bridges.
"Jakamav is commanding that army," Adolin said. Jakamav was a Shardbearer under Roion, and a friend of Adolin's. Renarin had never much liked him, but Renarin didn't much like most Shardbearers, because most Shardbearers were consummate Alethi warriors, and consummate Alethi warriors tended not to like a man who barely knew which end of a sword to hold. If he could stop having fits long enough to grasp it.
"They're deploying larger forces," Renarin said. "Two armies at once would have overwhelmed whatever forces the Parshendi would commit before the Tower."
"They're mirroring us," Adolin agreed. "We've started sending more men on each assault, so they're doing the same. Our bridges move slower, so they have time to muster more of their forces, I'd guess."
"Then Sadeas must be beating them to the gemheart almost every run he makes," Renarin said quietly.
"Probably. Can't these bridges move any faster?"
Renarin shot a glance at the former bridgemen marching beside his horse, but none of them had looked in their direction at Adolin's comment. "Be careful what you wish for," he told his brother. "I'd rather have slow bridges than bridges like Sadeas."
Adolin sighed. "So would I. Jakamav can hold. He can. He knows what he's doing."
Renarin's heart clenched in sudden shame. Adolin was just worried about his friend, and Renarin was more concerned about whether he would offend their guards. "He does. You'll get there in time."
They were almost to the chasm now. Their strike force today was relatively small—House Kholin wasn't in rotation for plateau runs today, but Father wanted to show a spirit of cooperation, of unity, by sending smaller teams to plateaus near their warcamp to assist. But when the bridges were pulled by chulls, the only benefit to a smaller force was that it took less time to muster. It didn't actually make the run faster. The chulls moved at their own pace, and would not be hurried.
After what felt like hours—but couldn't have been more than five minutes—the chulls came to a halt at the edge of the chasm, and the heavy bridge dropped from its tower, swinging down and across the chasm. Adolin spurred Sureblood and sped into the battle without so much as a word to Renarin.
Renarin sighed as the soldiers around him all charged. In mere moments the only people left on the plateau were him, his guards, and a few surgeons setting up a rapid field hospital. Across the bridge, Adolin threw himself into the Parshendi line, his Blade arcing around him, sending Parshendi falling with burning eyes in the dozens. The rest of the force fell in behind him, delving into the Parshendi line like an arrowhead embedding into flesh.
Renarin dismounted from Melial, his gauntleted hand resting on her neck. He still felt odd in his father's Plate. The slate grey armor just didn't feel right on his body. It fit perfectly, of course—Plate was incredibly accommodating and easy to adjust to any body type—but even so it felt like wearing his father's clothes. He felt like a fraud in the armor, like people would look to it and think Dalinar Kholin, the Blackthorn, was coming to their aid, only to find that it was only weak little Renarin.
Clearmark for your thoughts? Glys said in Renarin's head.
Nothing important, Renarin said. You can come out, you know. Neither Sarus nor Kaladin is here.
I'm not risking it, said Glys.
It's hardly even a risk, Renarin coaxed. Sarus is the only person who's ever seen you when you were hiding, and he's always been strange.
Everybody's strange, if you spend enough time learning their quirks. No, Renarin, I'm staying in here. I'm glad you have this Plate now. How would you like to wear it all around the warcamp?
Why on Roshar would I do that?
Well, it's safer. But more importantly, the avastium alloy blocks those little lights that drip up from me. When I'm in your pocket, I start to get a tiny bit visible if you stand still for a few seconds.
No one's going to notice a few sparkles on my chest, Glys. And if they do, they'll assume it's sand or something.
Unless they know what they're looking for! Glys' voice was sharp, almost frantic. You can never be too careful, Renarin. They're probably hard to see in the daylight, but what about at night? What about indoors? What about during a highstorm?
Glys.
The spren fell silent. This had started happening ever since Sarus had unexpectedly seen Glys that day in the training grounds, a little over a week ago. Renarin hadn't known spren could be paranoid, but Glys seemed to be on the edge of panic all the time, especially whenever they were near any of the former bridgemen. Which, given that they were now Renarin's guards, was nearly all the time.
We can trust Sarus, Renarin reassured the mistspren. We can, Glys. He's a good man.
Even good men can be wrong, Glys said. In fact, it doesn't really make it any less likely. He's a Radiant, Renarin. That means he's dangerous.
I'm a Radiant too.
Yes, but… Glys trailed off.
But what? Renarin prompted.
Glys didn't answer.
Glys— Renarin was forced to turn his focus away from his spren when he heard one of the guards beside him curse softly. He blinked.
The Parshendi were attacking the rear guard. They were trying to take the bridge.
"Think they can hold the bridge?" one of the former bridgemen, Dunny, asked another.
"That rear guard's too small," said the one he'd spoken to, a man named Bisig. "They're going to get overrun. But that bridge is probably too heavy for the Parshendi to knock into the chasm even if they do."
That was true. Renarin had seen the Parshendi knock smaller bridges, like those these men had carried, into the chasms during battles, but never one of the heavy chull-pulled bridges his father employed. It would be all right. Maybe Adolin would have to fight through this smaller force on his way back from the battle if he had to retreat, but he would be able to do that without too much trouble. Adolin was one of the greatest warriors in Alethkar; it would take more than a few dozen Parshendi to stop him.
Suddenly, Renarin thought of the battle on the Tower. He thought of his brother and father, trapped on a plateau with no escape, slowly being whittled down until half the army was gone.
He couldn't let that happen here. Even though his hands were already shaking, even though he could already feel sweat beading on his brow, he couldn't let that happen here.
Before he could second-guess himself, he started running. The guards behind him let out a shout, and he heard them scrambling to catch up with him.
One of the Parshendi saw him approaching, and somehow communicated it to the rest of his squad. Several continued fighting the Kholin rearguard, but a dozen of them turned in his direction, raising their weapons.
Renarin gritted his teeth and thrust his hand out to the side. One heartbeat. Two. Three. Four. He was at the edge of the bridge. His boots thudded against the wood. Five. Six. Seven. Two of the Parshendi charged past the soldiers, weapons held to their sides as if they planned to strike him simultaneously from both sides. Eight. Nine. The first Parshendi swung.
Ten.
The Blade fell into Renarin's hand. He screamed, his voice joining with Glys' and with that of the cursed weapon in his hands as he swung. The Blade sheared through the Parshendi's weapon, and both Parshendi leapt back, their battle-song changing suddenly into a different melody, one sharper and more frantic than the one drifting over the rest of the battle.
Renarin raised his sword, hand shaking, and found that he couldn't move his legs. The screaming in his ears was too loud, the fear in the Parshendi's eyes too bright. There was too much. Too much too much too much—
One of the former bridgemen leapt out in front of him with a spear. Two more followed him into the battle. A fourth put his hand on Renarin's arm. "Come on back, lad," he said. It was an older man, compact of frame, with hair that was just starting to gray. Teft, Renarin noted, as if observing from a long way off. The man's name was Teft.
Renarin staggered back, away from the battle, and dismissed his Shardblade. The sudden silence in his head was thunderous.
His hands shook as he followed Teft back. A minute later, the three men who had leapt into battle to defend him—to defend a full Shardbearer—joined them.
"Here, lad," said Teft soothingly, leading Renarin to a boulder not far from Melial. "Have a seat. Rest up a bit."
Renarin's legs practically buckled as he sat down on the boulder, tugging off his helm and letting it fall to the rock by his feet. His hands shook in his lap, his gauntlets rattling on his fingers. Slowly, painfully slowly, they fell still. "Thank you," he said hoarsely.
"Any time, Brightlord," said Teft. Renarin almost asked if he would continue calling him 'lad.'
His eyes slid shut. I'm a failure.
No other Shardbearer has to deal with their weapon screaming, Renarin, said Glys quietly. It's not your fault.
How do you know?
I know why the weapon is screaming. It's not—
If you tell me it's something I can't know until I've sworn another ideal, I'm going to tell Teft about you right now.
A terrible silence fell between them. Renarin imagined he could feel Glys, frozen against his chest. Was he shaking in terror, just like Renarin had?
I'm sorry, whispered Renarin. I'm just—I'm so tired. I'm an Alethi who doesn't know how to fight. I'm a Shardbearer whose sword screams so loud he can't use it. I'm a Radiant who can't control the one Surge he uses. And I'm a Truthwatcher without any answers. I won't tell anyone about you. I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking. But I can't keep accepting that I just have to be patient before I get any real answers. I can't fight, but I can seek the truth. I will seek the truth.
Suddenly a new voice whispered in his ear. A voice Renarin had heard once before. Soft, sultry, dissonant. These words, she said, are accepted.
Renarin breathed in sharply.
The Second Ideal of the Truthwatchers, whispered Glys. He sounded defeated.
I… Renarin didn't know what to say, but Glys kept going before he had to figure it out.
I'm sorry, Renarin. I'm—what have I been doing? I'm a mistspren. I'm supposed to be rewarding curiosity. Not hiding my secrets from you like a gambler hiding a card in his sleeve.
…Does this mean you'll give me answers?
Glys was silent for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was soft. At once reverent and terrified. Her name is Sja-anat.
Who?
The one who enlightened me. I told you, remember, the night you swore the First Ideal? I'm not a normal mistspren. I'm an enlightened one.
What does that mean?
It means that I am of Odium.
Renarin blinked. And that means…?
Glys made a soft sound, like a cross between a sigh and a pained squeak. Okay. Let's start at the beginning.
Here in the Rosharan system there are three gods. Or there were. Long, long ago, there were only two—Honor and Cultivation. Every spren you've ever seen is a Splinter of their power—of one, the other, or a mixture of both. The only exception is me.
I'm a mistspren. Mistspren are born as a blend of Honor and Cultivation—mostly Cultivation, but we have our share of Honor, too. But I was curious. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to see the world in a different way. I wanted to see what it was like to be something else. So I sought out Sja-anat.
Sja-anat is one of the nine Unmade, incredibly powerful spren of the third god—Odium, the god of hate. He's the being behind the desolations. The creatures you call Voidbringers are his servants. Sja-anat has the unique ability to 'enlighten' spren of Honor and Cultivation. But she's not like the other Unmade. Most of them are mindless, just forces acting on the world. But she's not only sapient, she's kind. She could unmake spren, turning them into monsters, slaves to Odium's will. She doesn't. Instead, she sets us free. She only enlightens those who seek her out, who ask for it, who give their knowing, willing consent. I did, and I was transformed. I don't remember the time before that so well, but I remember everything after much clearer than any spren should, here in the Physical Realm.
But, Renarin, Glys' tone became pleading. The change wasn't just mental. I look different from other mistspren. If any other sapient spren, like Sarus' inkspren or whatever spren follows Kaladin around, catches a glimpse of me? They'll know right away, not only that I'm not a normal mistspren—they'll know I'm enlightened. They know I went to Sja-anat. And even though I know she didn't turn me into a slave to Odium, they don't.
Renarin suddenly understood. That's why you're afraid of them, he said. You're afraid they'll, what, kill you? Kill me?
Yes. Both.
Suddenly, Renarin heard a clatter nearby. He looked up to see Adolin approaching him. The battle had ended while he spoke with Glys. He felt nearly as exhausted as he imagined he would if he had fought it himself. "Hey," said Adolin. "Ready to head back?"
Renarin didn't trust himself to speak, so he just nodded.
Adolin frowned. "What's wrong?"
Renarin couldn't find the words, so he just averted his eyes, looking back down at the ground. He heard Teft pull Adolin aside, probably to explain what had happened. A moment later, Renarin felt his brother's hand on his shoulder.
"It's all right, Renarin," Adolin said.
Renarin shrugged.
Above him, Adolin sighed. "I have to go organize the withdrawal," he said. "I'll be back, all right?"
Renarin nodded, and Adolin patted him once more, then jogged off.
He's kind to you, Glys said. He sounded oddly wistful.
He is, Renarin agreed. Even when I don't deserve it.
You always deserve it. You certainly deserve better than I've been giving you. Do you have any more questions?
Just one. Why does my Shardblade scream?
Glys paused for a moment. I'm not going to make you promise not to tell Sarus this, he said. But I am going to ask you not to, for the same reason I asked you not to tell Elhokar about his Cryptic. It might drive a wedge between him and Archive, make it harder for her to trust him.
Then why aren't you making me promise? Renarin asked. You made me promise not to tell Elhokar.
Because I need to learn to trust you. Even if it's hard. Glys took a deep breath. They're spren, Renarin.
What?
The Shardblades. The Radiants of old didn't have Shardblades and spren. They had spren, and those spren could transform into Shardblades.
Renarin's brow furrowed. But then…
It came together suddenly in his head. He remembered Glys telling him about what would happen if Renarin broke his oaths. He remembered learning about the Radiants from the ardents as a child. About the Recreance. The day when the Knights Radiant had broken their oaths. All of their oaths.
That's what happens to a spren when their Radiant betrays their oath? Renarin asked, feeling his throat close up in sick horror. They turn into… into—
If their Radiant had sworn the Third Ideal, allowing them to summon the spren as a weapon? Yes.
…And if they hadn't sworn the Third Ideal?
Then they're trapped in the Cognitive Realm as a deadeye.
A deadeye?
It's what we call dead spren on the other side. Because their eyes are gone—like they were scratched out. They still walk around, you know—spren can't die, not the way humans and Parshendi can. If they can manifest as a Shardblade they usually just follow around whoever carries the weapon, waiting to be summoned into the Physical Realm to fight. They don't speak. They don't do anything. Just shuffle around, empty husks that used to be family or friends.
Renarin swallowed. That's horrible.
It is.
How could the Radiants do that? Renarin asked. To their partners—their friends?
That, Glys said softly, is one of the biggest questions on Roshar. What could have convinced all of the Radiants—hundreds of them—to kill their spren, all at once, in a single day? What happened on the Day of Recreance? What happened to our friends and family, our bravest, noblest souls? No one knows.
Renarin took a deep breath and stood up. Well, he said. We'll just have to find out, won't we?
Glys was silent for a long moment as Renarin started walking towards Melial. How?
Not sure yet, said Renarin. But I swore to seek the truth. I'll figure something out.
He mounted the horse and cantered off towards where the column was assembling. Melial fell into step beside Sureblood. "It wasn't a fit," Renarin said quietly when Adolin glanced his way.
Adolin smiled sympathetically. On anyone else, the look would be pitying, but Adolin didn't pity Renarin. He might not really understand him, but he valued him. Often more than Renarin deserved. "You don't really know how to fight yet, Renarin," he said. "Give it time. Zahel will have you fighting as well as anyone in Alethkar before too long."
"Right." Renarin snorted. "And you think I can be ready in forty-seven days?" That was how long was left before the countdown in his visions reached zero.
Adolin grimaced. "The numbers on the walls?"
Renarin nodded.
"Try not to think on those too much," Adolin said. "We don't know what they mean. It might be nothing. A practical joke."
"It isn't," said Renarin.
Don't expose us, warned Glys.
Adolin sighed. "The Shardbearer from the Tower was on the field today," he said.
That successfully changed the subject. "You fought him?"
"No, actually," Adolin said. "She—I think it might be a woman, it's hard to tell—cut open the chrysalis and was ready to run away. But when she saw me she asked to parley with Father."
"Parley? The Parshendi haven't been willing to talk since they assassinated Uncle Gavilar."
"Apparently, that was long ago, and times change."
Renarin frowned in confusion. "We're missing something."
"Probably," Adolin agreed. "But what better way to find out the truth than to show up to that parley? They'll send a messenger to set up a time."