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Of Gods and...Men? (DxD Reincarnation Dual SI)

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Chapter Zero: Kore wa Shonen, desu ka?
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    • Xanothos

    Xanothos

    "Fate is not a cage except for those who fear it."
    Location
    The Space Between Words
    Of Gods and...Men?: DxD Dual SI
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Summary: This is a story all about how our lives got turned flipped upside down.
    We'd like to take a minute, there's time before you go, so we'll tell you how we became the Shitlords of Kuoh.
    On a whole other world, born and raised, never did we think here is where we'd spend the rest of our days.
    Nothing to do but become our best
    (As an aside: one of us guys now has breasts)
    We'll hone our minds and our bodies, but we aren't ashamed to say:
    The most potent weapon in our arsenal is "You're mom gay."
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    Chapter Zero: Kore wa Shonen, desu ka?    ​

    Issei

    I was walking home alone after school, hands in my pockets and happily reminiscing on the day's memories of Gremory-senpai, Himejima-senpai and Koneko-chan as I wondered if I would manage to complete my new eroge that night, when I stepped onto the street where my house was and stopped cold at the feeling I suddenly received.

    It was a shiver, a shiver through my whole body that set my nerves on edge. A warning of danger? I'd felt something like this sometimes when I got caught peeking at girls, but this was on a whole other level. Was this something from my Devil senses?

    One way or another, the feeling was coming from my house. My house, where my mother was!

    Imagining my mother in danger, I immediately ran to my front door and pulled it open, stepping inside and untidily tossing my shoes aside as I walked quickly toward the kitchen.

    What had happened? Had my status as a Devil been revealed? If so, who to? Who by? Fallen Angels? The Church? God? Any of those could be dangerous - if they were like Freed or...her, then they would definitely kill anyone around me just for knowing me! My mother, who gave birth to me and raised me…

    I walked faster.

    I remembered the corpses that sick bastard Selzen left in his wake. That blood, all those cuts and wounds...that wouldn't happen to my mother! I wouldn't let it happen!

    My mother wasn't in the kitchen, and my heart stopped for a moment. Then I heard laughter coming from the living room and quickly spun on my heel, marching towards the sound.

    My mother was sitting, smiling, apparently unharmed. I breathed a sigh of relief even as I noticed the other three people in the room with her; one of them was sitting beside her and laughing at something in the book my mother was holding (oh no, not the album again), while the other two were sitting on the couch opposite.

    Two of them, including the one beside my mother, were girls with foreign features while the third was a guy who reminded me a lot of Kiba but even girlier. Dammit, if strangers were going to turn up in my house couldn't they all be cute girls? Two cute foreigners didn't make up for having a damn handsome in my house!

    My mother was talking about some picture she was pointing out when I walked in, not noticing me until I spoke up. "M...mum?"

    She blinked, looking up. "Oh, Ise. Welcome back." She paused. "What happened? You look pale."

    I didn't answer for a moment, just standing in the doorway and meeting the three sets of eyes coming from the strangers. They were all foreign, apparently; each looked around my age with a rosario hanging around their neck, but in looks they were completely different. The girl in the chair beside my mother's had chestnut hair in twin-tails while the one on the couch had blue hair with a green mesh. Her eyes were hard to meet; they made the uneasiness in my stomach even worse.

    In contrast, the guy's eyes were smiling slightly, like he was part of a joke no-one else was getting. They were a really bright green, brighter than even the jewel on Boosted Gear, and between them and the short, bright blond hair he sported I just wanted to beat him up. Dammit, a guy like that travelling with two cute foreigners? There was no way there wasn't at least a love-triangle going on there! A damn handsome achieving my dream before I did...where was the fairness in this world?!

    Still, I didn't say anything, even though I wanted to. The white robes all three were wearing, combined with the rosarios and the feeling they each had to them...these weren't normal people. Were they related to the church? Exorcists, maybe? Shit, I couldn't fight them alone - especially not in my house with my mother sitting right there!

    My panic was cut off when the brown-haired one spoke up. "Hello, Hyoudou Issei-kun."

    Huh, she was smiling at me; it made her look even cuter than before. The damn handsome had a small smile in place too, though it looked more like he was laughing at me than happy to see me - the bastard. The girl with blue hair…she was glaring at me. She was beautiful, but her scary eyes made it really hard to appreciate that…

    And so did the wrapped bundle leaning against the arm of the couch beside her.

    The feeling of foreboding danger...it was definitely coming from that. A weapon? It was probably a weapon - and with the unpleasant feeling on my skin coming from it, it was probably meant to destroy Devils.

    I still made an effort though, offering the girl a fake smile. "Nice to meet you."

    Oddly, the look in the girl's eyes changed and she looked puzzled. "Huh? Don't you remember me?"

    …?

    The girl pointed at herself, which didn't change anything. I didn't recognise her at all; I was sure I would have done if I'd known her, but she didn't ring a bell.

    My mother flipped through the album and pulled out a picture, handing it to me as I just looked confused. Surprisingly, it was the same picture that had set Kiba off before; the one that had a man holding a Holy Sword in it. Except my mother was pointing at the boy who I was friends with as a child, rather than anything else. "This is her - Shidou Irina-chan. She was quite the tomboy back then, but she's grown into such a proper young lady that even I didn't recognise her at first."

    ...I took a moment to pull my thoughts back together as I looked back and forth between the picture and the girl sitting beside my mother. Excuse me? This girl was the boy who lived in the neighbourhood years ago and used to play with me? I'd mistaken her for a boy back then?!

    "Long time no see, Ise-kun." Irina-san smiled. "So you mistook me for a boy? I suppose it can't be helped - it took me a while to start acting like a girl." For some reason, she shot a very pointed look at the damn handsome on the couch. In return he rolled his eyes and looked away, which made Irina-san huff before she turned back to me. "But then, I suppose both of us have changed a lot since we last saw one another."

    I froze again as she met my eyes. "I guess it's true that you can never guess what a reunion holds in store."

    She knew. She definitely knew I was a Devil now.

    ...dammit, there went the 'childhood friend' flags. How was I supposed to become a Harem King if things like this kept happening?!

    "Oh, I don't know, Irina," the damn handsome suddenly spoke up. No honorific? Didn't he know how to speak Japanese properly?! Or was he just a douchebag using his good looks to entice the girls he worked with?!

    Damn handsome! Stop cheating and let the rest of us have a chance!

    "The more things change, the more they stay the same," he continued. "Maybe you two should catch up? We have some extra time still and it's probably best to try and get stuff like this out of the way before we get to work."

    This guy...was he trying to get me alone with Irina-san so she could kill me? It...didn't actually seem like it - the girl with scary eyes might be glaring at me but the damn handsome wasn't acting that way at all, and Irina-san genuinely smiled at me. They weren't trying to be alone with my mother either, since they had already been here a while before I arrived home. So what was he doing?

    Irina-san perked up at the suggestion, nodding firmly. "Right! I must have faith that Ise-kun will still be the same as always!" She got up from where she was sitting beside my mother, walking towards me and reaching out to grab my hand as she passed. "C'mon, Ise-kun! I saw the old park was still there when we were coming here, so let's go!"

    I tried to protest as she dragged me towards the door, but I was distracted by both my mother and the damn handsome shooting me thumbs-up. The girl with blue hair had her arms folded and a huffy look on her face as she glared half-heartedly at the damn handsome, but she didn't try to stop Irina-san as she dragged me along.

    As we passed the doorframe, I grabbed hold of the edge and managed to stop myself for a few seconds. "Oi, wait!" I called, drawing the...maybe-not-so-bad handsome's attention. "What's your name?" He might be a damn cheater in the game of life, whose natural privilege was an insult to hard-working dreamers like me, but the code of brothers demanded some respect for being a good wingman.

    The blond smiled a bit wider, inclining his head towards me. "It's Asia; Asia Ar…" He paused. "Ah, right. It'd be Argento Asia, here."

    I nodded to him as my grip on the doorframe peeled away and I was once more marched towards the door. Argento Asia-san. He might have been a damn handsome, but perhaps I wouldn't hate him too much.

    Maybe.

    -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-​

    Irina

    It was strange, how normal it felt to be holding Ise-kun's hand.

    As I pulled him along behind me, noting happily that he had stopped struggling without me having to bludgeon him, I could feel the warmth of his grip. If I really concentrated I could feel the rise and fall of veins and arteries beneath my fingers, and there was a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest as I held on.

    Despite the fact that the Ise-kun of my childhood had grown up to become a Devil...holding his hand was still everything that I had thought it would be.

    I resolved myself once more, clenching my free hand in front of me. This latest test of faith, I would conquer as I had all the others. I was a proud Exorcist of the Protestant Church, and I wouldn't let something as simple as this stop me!

    I would definitely win Ise-kun back over to the side of God...but first, I should deal with our watcher.

    I reluctantly let go of his hand as we reached the park where we used to play as children, taking a few more steps forward once I did before turning to face him. Or, more accurately, to face his shadow, which stood out as being far too cohesive for this sunny time of day. "It's rude to spy when a girl drags a boy off by the hand, you know?"

    Ise-kun seemed surprised, spluttering a bit at some thought he had, but I was paying him less attention than I was his shadow.

    As Ise-kun looked on in growing shock, his shadow darkened even further, distorting before it rose out of the ground and became three-dimensional. Then the shadows peeled away to leave behind a slender blonde wearing black slacks, a white button-down shirt and a black jacket that hung to mid-thigh rose, who draped an arm over Ise-kun's shoulders with a casual motion. They tilted their sunglasses down to regard me with ruby-red eyes. "What? Can't a concerned sempai keep an eye on their kohai, little miss Exorcist?"

    I regarded the blonde steadily, though part of me wanted to smack them with Mimic for getting so close to Ise-kun when I hadn't been able to even see him for so long. Instead, though, I settled for examining them like I would any opponent.

    They called Ise-kun 'kohai', but looked like they might actually be younger than him - so, they were Ise-kun's senior in something. Hiding in someone's shadow like that...there were a few races with powers that could do that, but the bright-red eyes and pointed ears made me think vampire. Except the sun was still out and high, and any vampire powerful enough to ignore it would have been much more noticeable than the blonde was.

    The most obvious thing though, I only noticed when I bemoaned another girl being so close to Ise-kun. This person...was a mirror image of Asia.

    Maybe Asia would find them interesting?

    I put the thought to the back of my mind as I spoke again. "You seem a little young to be Ise-kun's sempai, blondie-san." I deliberately kept my voice cheery and upbeat; Asia called it 'ditzy', but to me it was just my normal voice. I had to admit though, it made irritating people much easier. Which was good; irritated people talked a lot more, in my experience.

    However, the new arrival seemed unfazed by my voice. "True, true. However, I have been Rias Gremory's Bishop for...what, seven years now? My, it has been that long, hasn't it?" The Devil let their arm drop from Ise-kun's shoulder as they sauntered around to stand at an angle to us both. "Now, as miffed as my King is at the perv-" They jerked a thumb at Ise-kun, who yelped in protest. "She would have my hide if I let him walk around with an Exorcist, childhood friends or not."

    I kept smiling even as my link to Mimic curled around my mind like the tail of a sleeping dragon. "Blondie-san, if you're going to follow Ise-kun everywhere and dictate who he can and can't speak with...I might start making assumptions about the kind of relationship you two have, you know?"

    The youth let out a snort. "Now, now. Nobody said he couldn't talk to you. I'm just the chaperone. No offense to Hyoudou-kun, but I'm not sure he's prepared for all that firepower you're packing." They gave me a pointed look over the top of their shades.

    My smile faltered a bit and my eyes narrowed. Saying that like I might try to hurt Ise-kun...they was definitely using my own tactic against me, weren't they? And they'd rolled with my innuendo too, where most teenagers would have gone red in the face and dumb in the head. Ise-kun's face had certainly turned a fairly bright shade, though the way his eyes darted between me and the blonde told me that he was still thinking.

    What a troublesome person Gremory had following my friend…

    "Well, if you're just watching Ise-kun then you could do that fine from over there, couldn't you?" I asked, gesturing towards a small copse of trees at the edge of the playground with a flick of my head. They had been a lot smaller when I was last here…

    The blonde inclined their head, like a fencer acknowledging a touch, and replied, "Very well. I, Gasper, will allow you your privacy. If you need anything, simply ask, and I, Gasper, will do what I can to help. Either of you." With those words, the now introduced Gasper shifted into a cloudy, mist-like state and floated over to one of the trees, then reformed to stand ominously on one of the branches.

    Could it be that this person was a Chunnibyō like Asia as well?

    Oh, well. There would be time for that later; for the moment, I was mostly alone with Ise-kun after seven long years, and we had a lot to talk about. How he'd ended up as a Devil, for one thing...and maybe just what his relationship was with that Rias Gremory. I remembered him saying something about amassing a massive harem of girls back when we were kids, but surely he'd have forgotten about that by now?

    Right?

    -x-x-x-​

    As I talked with my childhood friend and I grew more and more incredulous, I could definitely feel that Gasper's eyes on me.

    They were laughing.

    I was right with my first thought; this troublesome person was exactly like Asia.

    -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
    ​
    AN: Well, Teninshigen and I decided to do a thing, and what a thing it is. This is going to be intensely fun to write, and you, readers, should expect seriousness and shitposting in equal measure. It should also be mentioned that Magery advised us on our work, (and actually came up with the title, which happens to be suspiciously similar to the title of one of his own works... >_>...I jest, the title is perfect)
    Anyways, we hope you enjoy!
    Edit (12/13/18): Beginning altered for continuity's sake.
     
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    • Teiwaz said:
    This is all Maggys fault.
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    Please. Teninshigen was the one who originally had the idea of being inserted as Asia, and I wanted to join in because it sounded hilarious and picked Gasper for additional hilarity.
    Mage-tan has been a tremendous help with brainstorming and shitpostery both, however.
    I suppose if you must blame him, that's fine.
     
    This is going to be interesting...

    Somebody SI'd into both DIOGasper and Asia... How the hell did the latter fool Issei? That's some hax right there.

    There better be some JoJo references here.
     
    Falzyker said:
    This is going to be interesting...

    Somebody SI'd into both DIOGasper and Asia... How the hell did the latter fool Issei? That's some hax right there.

    There better be some JoJo references here.
    Click to expand...
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    In order:
    I'm glad you think so.

    Because Issei consistently fails his Gender Discernment Skill Checks, and TenAsia is dressed like a particularly pretty boy.

    What do you take us for, savages? Of course there will be Jojo references!
    :p
     
    Sir Gawain said:
    Ohh god too many T_T why is he a boy damn it? *Great Sadness Noises*
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    You are a blind heathen who needs to be purged out of those fingers for what you wrote make me scornful for thy eyes do not see truth of Astolfo!?
    FOOLISH HEATHEN LET ME SPIT IT TO YOU, AN ABSOLUTE TRUTH FOR MY WORDS WILL SHAKE YOUR VERY PITFUL Heretic ignorance FOR THEY AS WELL WILL MAKE YOU SEE THE LIGHT!?
    FOR He's no boy or girl for he transcendS those boundaries of gender like many others before him!?

    FOR HE IS... A WAIFU!? FOR GENDER IS THE STUPIDITY OF MORONIC HEATHEN WHO FOLLOW FALSE STANDARDS OF A WAIFU.

    AND I JUST FOLLOW ONE, THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE ONE THERE IS.

    ITS SAYS:
    "It doesnt matter as long as he is cute. AMEN!
     
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    Altena27 said:
    You are a blind heathen who needs to be purged out of those fingers for what you wrote make me scornful for thy eyes do not see truth of Astolfo!?
    FOOLISH HEATHEN LET ME SPIT IT TO YOU, AN ABSOLUTE TRUTH FOR MY WORDS WILL SHAKE YOUR VERY PITFUL Heretic ignorance FOR THEY AS WELL WILL MAKE YOU SEE THE LIGHT!?
    FOR He's no boy or girl for he transcendS those boundaries of gender!?

    FOR HE IS... A WAIFU!? FOR GENDER IS THE STUPIDITY OF MORONIC HEATHEN WHO FOLLOW FALSE STANDARDS OF A WAIFU.

    AND I JUST FOLLOW ONE, THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE ONE THERE IS.

    ITS SAYS:
    "It doesnt matter as long as he is cute. AMEN!
    Click to expand...
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    Okay. First of all, I see that you a man of culture as well.
    Second, while I find this interaction eminently amusing, this isn't precisely related to the story, so I request that you tone down the Astolfoposting to a dull roar.
     
    Guys, guys, guuuys~ You're missing the best part: I don't think Gasper and Asia know that they're not the only SI's in this verse.
     
    RinKaihou said:
    Guys, guys, guuuys~ You're missing the best part: I don't think Gasper and Asia know that they're not the only SI's in this verse.
    Click to expand...
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    They're going to figure it out as soon as they see each other.

    And DIOGasper starts making JoJo references.

    I mean shouting "ZA WARUDO!" while Gasper is kind of manly should be the first clue... Now that I think about it is TenAsia's Balance Breaker a Crazy Diamond expy? Because that would be totally awesome too, I mean healing people by punching them.
     
    Chapter One: The Times They Are a-Changin’
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    • Chapter One: The Times They Are a-Changin'​

    Asia

    Meeting Issei Hyoudou in person hadn't gone quite the way I had expected it to.

    Maybe it had something to do with the way we'd all turned up in his house, but there hadn't been any real signs of his lechery before Irina dragged him away. He did glare at me pretty hard, though, which was a bit confusing…

    Oh, no, wait - he had a thing about hating good-looking guys, didn't he? I'd almost forgotten that.

    Huh. I could taste the irony.

    I could also taste the tea that Mrs Hyoudou ("Please, call me Sachiko.") had made for Xenovia and I as we waited for Irina to return with Issei. Once upon a time, I'd had no taste for hot drinks at all. These days, though, I didn't have to fear burning my tongue or mouth, so I had developed a certain fondness for them.

    Mrs Hyoudou's tea in particular was a nice change from what I usually drank at home. She was pleasant company, too, polite and quite eager to pull out a photo album detailing many of Issei's youthful misadventures. It seemed to me like she was eager to impress - I supposed she didn't get many chances to have people our age around. Issei's social circle, while it would be expansive in the future, was currently very limited.

    In fact, discounting the two sideshow perverts, I didn't think he had a single friend outside the ORC. And most of them were more like acquaintances, for the moment.

    It was kind of sad, really…

    Until I remembered I was pitying Issei Hyoudou of all people and decided that he'd really brought it on himself.

    I didn't voice any of that to Mrs Hyoudou though, instead paying attention as she happily chatted her way through the album. Every picture had a story, and I caught even Xenovia hiding a smile from time to time as they were recounted.

    ...Honestly, even after seventeen years, this kind of situation made me miss my own family.

    "...like to stay for dinner?" Mrs Hyoudou ("Asia-kun, please, I must insist you call me Sachiko.") was asking as I tuned back in, looking hopeful. "Gorou will be home in a couple of hours, and it's so rare that we get to see any of Issei's friends…"

    I could feel Xenovia stiffen beside me, biting down her instinctive reaction, and I breathed a silent sigh of relief. Hiding that expression, I smiled at Mrs...at Sachiko-san (I had to start holding onto a Japanese mindset if I was going to be spending as much time in Japan as I expected I would be), shaking my head. "Regretfully, Sachiko-san, we're not quite done for the day yet. Once Irina returns with Issei-san we'll have to take our leave."

    Sachiko-san seemed to deflate a bit, but still smiled. "Ah, I know how it is. Being young is always such a rush."

    I inclined my head, and when I looked up again Sachiko-san was staring towards the front door. "...My Ise...has always had a habit of rushing into things without thinking," she said softly, before turning back to Xenovia and I. Unconsciously, I straightened in my seat, Xenovia doing the same beside me. "Will you keep an eye on him, please? He...a lot seems to have changed lately, though I'm not sure what, and I…"

    I placed my cup down softly on the table in front of the couch, leaning forward a bit and taking hold of Sachiko-san's hands where they were clasped in front of her. I met her eyes, which was all the better for not letting her see the faint green glow around where I was touching her, and smiled as I replied, "Of course we'll look after him. He's Irina's childhood friend, after all, and a friend of hers is a friend of mine."

    Late forties, no major congenital conditions or illnesses. A few of the minor bruises and scratches that come from moving around without paying real attention to your surroundings were easily fixed; a few nicks and scars on the hands and fingers from cooking mishaps were also easy. The symptoms of age and child-rearing, some premature grey hairs and wrinkles as well as the beginning of failure in the joints and stiffness in the muscles, were slightly more difficult but still faded. The slight unhealthiness of a fairly sedentary lifestyle was counteracted by well-made traditional Japanese cooking, but I still eradicated what small issues there were.

    I let go of her hands, my arms folding beneath my robe quickly enough that she wouldn't see the rings on my fingers before they faded from existence in the shadow of my clothing. "Thank you, Asia-kun." She smiled, the slight trembling her hands had exhibited no longer appearing. "That means a lot."

    Collecting herself, she turned to look at Xenovia, still smiling. "You know, Xenovia-chan, you've been really quiet."

    The corner of my lip turned upwards as I looked sideways at my friend, who had stiffened. "Yes, Xenovia, you've barely said a word since we arrived." I shook my head exaggeratedly slowly. "You really have to get used to interacting with people, you know? It's no good to be shy in our line of work."

    The blunette turned an armour-piercing glare on me, which I weathered with a smile. That expression had lost its bite years ago and she knew it. "I didn't see a need for me to speak," she said simply. "After all, as usual you say more than enough for everyone."

    I gasped, pressing a hand to my robed chest dramatically. "Xenovia! And all this time I thought you just loved the sound of my voice!"

    Xenovia snorted. "Not half as much as you do, Asia."

    I threw myself into a cross-armed position with a huff, hunching and pouting to play up the sulk, and Xenovia rolled her eyes at me even as Sachiko-san chuckled to herself. "Oh, you two remind me so much of how Gorou and I used to be…"

    Xenovia and I glanced at one another, and a familiar but silent conversation played out. When she shrugged, as good as saying 'Do what you want.', I turned to Sachiko-san. "Gorou-san would be your husband, right?"

    Sachiko-san nodded happily. "Oh yes. He's always made me laugh; it was his awful jokes that made me notice him in the first place, you know…"

    My smile grew very wide indeed. "Ah, I see. Well then, thank you for the compliment, but you should probably know…"

    -x-x-x-​

    "WHAT?!"

    -x-x-x-​

    When Irina returned ten minutes later, I left the house last to wink at Sachiko. "Just remember the deal, alright Sachiko-san?"

    The housewife nodded happily, a gleam of mischief in her eye. "I will, Asia-kun. I'll let Issei know you'd like him to pass a message to his friends at school, too."

    Even compared to how she had appeared when I first arrived at the house she looked years younger and carried herself more lightly. She wasn't actually younger, but she was now about as well as she possibly could be for her age without exercising regularly, which was already a fairly big change. I'd have to make sure I came back to meet Gorou-san, too - the life of a Japanese worker was fraught with stress, so having some of the build-up cut down could only be good for him.

    I waved at Sachiko over my shoulder, seeing a slightly dazed Issei standing behind her in the hall, as I followed after Xenovia and Irina. The former once more had the wrapped Excalibur Destruction slung over her back, while the latter was walking like she was in a stupor. Walking up beside them both, taking my usual spot in the middle of our three-man (Hah!) formation, I raised an eyebrow. "Irina? Did you see a ghost or something?"

    Xenovia raised an eyebrow at me and I waved her off. Yes we'd dealt with much worse than just ghosts, but her very literal view of idioms wasn't needed at the moment.

    "...God has set a truly great test of faith in front of me…" the brunette replied dazedly, almost walking into a lamp-post before I pulled her out of the way by her shoulder. "Redeeming someone who has fallen so far from God...truly, fate is a cruel mistress…"

    This time it was my turn to raise an eyebrow at Xenovia, who shrugged before turning to Irina. "I don't know why you're so focussed on trying to redeem him. He's become a Devil; even if he wanted to, he could never again be welcome in the arms of the Church."

    She said it very matter-of-factly, but it was still enough to snap Irina out of her daze. "I don't accept that!" she declared, turning on Xenovia with fire in her eyes. "God loves all his children; even if he's wandered off the path, Ise-kun is still someone worth saving!" Her fist rose in front of her, clenched tight. "I waited seven years! There's no way I'll let some Devil take Ise-kun away from me now!"

    She turned to face forward once more, striding forward full of fire and conviction. "Not even that troublesome blonde Devil will deter me! Lov-I mean, Faith shall prevail!"

    I shook my head ruefully as I watched her go, but even as Xenovia and I stepped forwards after her I found myself wondering.

    What did Kiba have to do with this?

    -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-​

    Gasper

    After Irina Shidou departed to reconvene with her group, I hopped off my branch and lowered myself to the ground with a tendril of solidified shadow. I sauntered over to an abnormally thoughtful Issei and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Alright, Hyoudou-kun, how's about I walk you back to your house? Rias-buchou will want to know about this, so I'll head back to the clubhouse after I make sure you don't take a wrong turn and end up stumbling into a Cthulhu ritual or something."

    Issei blinked at me, then apparently remembered I had been there all along as he yelled out, "Just how unreliable do you think I am?!" He paused. "For that matter, who are you?! I've never even met you, and yet you've been living in my shadow?! Wait...could this be the ultra-rare Yandere Route?!"

    A dopeslap upside the head silenced his ravings for the moment. "First off, I'd sooner eat a Holy Sword without ketchup than live in your shadow, nevermind be in a relationship with you. Second, I already introduced myself. Third, your reliability is subject to debate, but that's a discussion for another time."

    I sighed aloud. "But if I must introduce myself again...listen well!" Issei snapped to attention. "I am Gasper Vladi, Bishop of Rias Gremory! I have served Rias for seven long years, and as such, I am your sempai, in spite of me being younger than you. Got it?"

    I painted a smile that could only be described as menacing on to my face. The pervert swallowed audibly and looked slightly pale, to my satisfaction.

    "Now come! We should get you home before your mother starts to worry...more than any mother does, anyways."

    With that, I became as darkness once more, weaving my very being into the shadow of Issei Hyoudou. The boy shuddered; clearly, the action either disturbed him or aroused him. I really didn't care to know which.

    A quarter of an hour later, Issei had been deposited at his home and I set out to return to Rias.

    The shadows had begun to lengthen, so I was able to traverse the distance to the school much quicker by moving through the interconnected shadows at the speed of thought. I had long since practiced this, among other routes around Kuoh, much as a roof runner would.

    In bare minutes, I emerged from a shadow beneath the wide branches of a tree, strategically positioned to give me a discrete exit from Shadowform near the clubhouse. I moved with some haste to enter the clubhouse, passing Kiba sitting off to the side and acting all brooding.

    'Fucking Excaliburs. If Saber could see this shit she'd have an apoplexy, fictional existence or not.'

    I nodded genially to Kiba; I'd already offered to lend a listening ear, but in the end it was up to him to take me up on that. There was only so much I could do for these broken children (and wasn't that a funny thought, considering my physical age and past experiences).

    In short order, I'd entered the weathered building and made my way to the main room, where Rias sat brooding at her desk. The small form of Koneko was barely visible in the deep cushions of a soft couch, where she sat curled much like her namesake, consuming sweets with all the deliberate inevitability of a gunman with a barrel full of tuna.

    Akeno, however, was notably and unsurprisingly absent.

    When it became clear that Rias hadn't registered my presence, I cleared my throat and her head snapped up in surprise. As her eyes fixed on me, she seemed to calm slightly. "Oh, Gasper-kun. Is there something I can do for you?"

    I leaned against the couch that was doing its level best to swallow Koneko before she did the same to all of her sweets. "Hyoudou-kun's childhood friend, who is an Exorcist, has returned, and she brought two colleagues." I paused for a moment, just long enough for the words to sink in, and spoke before Rias could begin to panic. "Fortunately, these three Exorcists seem to be relatively reasonable, when compared to some. I don't believe that Hyoudou-kun is in any immediate danger. I do want to know why they are in Kuoh, a sentiment I'm sure you share, which is why I want your blessing to tail them."

    Rias stood swiftly, toppling the chair behind her. "Absolutely not! You're strong and clever, there's no denying that, but we don't know how strong they are, and they outnumber you three to one!" Rias exhaled, picked up her chair, and sank back into it wearily.

    I nodded, having anticipated that sort of response. I shot a questioning look at Koneko, who blinked blankly at me, then gave the slightest inclination of her head. "And if I brought Koneko with me? You know we've got good synergy as a team."

    Rias sighed, a complicated expression marring her features. She was clearly torn between wanting to know what was going on in her city and wanting to keep her Peerage, her family, safe.

    Thankfully for my curiosity, she made the correct decision.

    "Very well. You and Koneko can go, but if things look like they are going to get even mildly dangerous, you are to get out of there immediately. Understand?"

    "Yes ma'am." There wasn't a hint of irony in my voice; even I, the Shitpost that Flaps in the Night, couldn't make fun of my King's devotion to family.

    Koneko broke free of the couch's fell grasp, the last piece of candy vanishing into the endless abyss of her stomach as she did so. With a nod and a "We'll be back, Prez.", she followed me out of the schoolhouse.

    Since I wasn't alone, we had to take the slower route - but I had a fair idea of where we'd find them…

    -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-​

    Asia

    "This place…" I muttered, turning on the spot as I regarded the church we stood in, "is in much better shape than I was expecting."

    Oh, the place was definitely falling apart - obviously no-one had performed any maintenance here for a very long while - but it didn't show any signs of having hosted a battle. The windows were still intact, the pews only slightly out of place, the doors still fighting a losing battle against entropy but fighting nonetheless…

    If it weren't for the way my hackles were rising, I wouldn't have been able to tell this was a Fallen Angel hideout for a while. Well - excepting my...unconventional memories, of course.

    "I checked the chambers downstairs," Xenovia reported, climbing up through the hole beneath the altar. "There are signs that a group of people were staying in the quarters there, but apart from the disturbance and some trash there isn't anything there."

    Well. This was intriguing. Either the Gremory crew were much better at cleanup than I had expected, the Sitri Peerage had done that job for them, or something beyond just me had gone a bit screwy.

    Of course. Nothing could ever be simple.

    "Then I guess we should clean up, if we're going to be staying here," I declared, Xenovia nodding as she started to head back downstairs. I, personally, stayed upstairs, since it was where I could best serve.

    I had learned a great deal in seventeen years. About breaking and mending, in particular. People mostly - but as a Sacred Gear holder I had a better inclination to the mystical than most humans, and as one of the eight current users of the Smile of the Holy Mother, Twilight Healing, my talents there ran in a very specific direction.

    A faint ripple of green light across my fingers deposited a pair of delicate, almost crystalline rings on my middle fingers, the jewellery emitting a soft glow afterwards that lit up my immediate area without ever seeming bright enough to do so. A few seconds of concentration later a spell-circle began to rotate above each, my learned magical ability channeled through the Sacred Gear that I had been born with.

    Standing at the head of the aisle and holding my hands out to the sides, I walked forward, brushing my hands across the pews as I went. Wood was one of the easiest materials to work with for me, so it wasn't much effort to leave a spinning emerald circle identical to the ones over my rings hovering over the surface of each as I touched it.

    From the area under the circle spreading outwards, each pew's condition improved. Cracks, warps and splinters were repaired as the wood groaned and gained enough life to drive out the imperfections, mould and insect colonies pushed from their moorings as their spaces became filled with new life.

    The first pews were already back to near-perfect condition when I finished my first pass, and by the time I had walked back to the front pushing each pew back into position they were all perfectly serviceable. The doors received the same treatment, as did their frame, and I took a minute's break to gather my thoughts before I did anything else.

    It was as I did so, standing in the church's doorframe, that Irina wandered into my view. "There's nothing untoward in the woods," she reported simply as she approached. "It's kind of hard to see when it's so late thou-"

    She cut off when her foot apparently caught the bottom of the doorframe as she went to step past me, sending the brunette toppling forwards. I caught her, going to a knee in doing so, and as I stood back up with her she whispered in my ear. "Two watchers twenty-metres deep in the treeline at your two o'clock. I don't know one of them but I can see her, the other is a feeling but I met a Devil earlier who could become shadow."

    Her speech was rapid and terse, but once she was standing again she was back to smiles and bubbles. "Ah, sorry Asia! I guess I'm not used to the robes yet!"

    I chuckled, clapping her on the shoulder three times. Third. "It's fine, Irina - just remember what Master Iter taught us." Forward.

    "'The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - unless you're Irina Shidou, in which case it begins with a stumble and ends with a bang.'" She quoted, putting on a sulky look. Approach approved conditionally. Will attack on first mistake.

    I squeezed her shoulder, beaming and lightly pushing her into the church. "You'll get the hang of it soon, Irina." Acknowledged.

    Irina wandered past the pews, staying slow in the view of the watchers. She'd pick up speed once she reached the underground and have Xenovia filled in quickly.

    Distance from my position to Xenovia's most likely position was...what, a hundred metres? Those two could cross that distance in a few seconds if they wanted to, so unless I went down instantly we could have them outnumbered before they could pull anything major.

    Which was assuming, of course, that this was going to turn into a fight. Personally, I hoped not; if it was Devils out there then it should be Gremory or Sitri, none of whom I was interested in fighting. Of course, Irina said the one she met could become shadow, and the only Devil who might be capable of that locally should still be sealed away, so who knew?

    One way or another, I stepped past the church's doorway, feeling the faint looming sense of its threshold dissipate as I passed outside its range. Pacing a few steps toward the treeline, I rummaged around in one of the many expanded pockets I had bribed another Exorcist into sewing for me, finding what I was looking for fairly quickly and retrieving it.

    I opened the box of Pocky with a slight flourish, sighing happily as I delicately retrieved a single stick and regarded it in the moonlight. Then I took a bite, closing my eyes to savour it.

    Some things in this life I had become so used to that I could barely remember what it was like to find them strange. Others were still irritating. Some, however, I was still grateful remained novel; the taste of chocolate was one such thing.

    I happily finished the rest of my stick in silence, pausing as I swallowed its remains. "You know, as an Exorcist, I'm technically supposed to watch what I eat. 'A man's body is his temple' and everything." I idly shook the Pocky box from side to side, creating a rustling sound. "Of course, Dulio kind of ruins that rule just by existing, and he's really good at smuggling the good stuff into the Vatican."

    I retrieved another stick. Crunch.

    "Still. It'd be a shame to eat these alone."

    I stopped talking, waiting in silence with the box of Pocky held away from my body, tilted towards the treeline.

    It was only a few moments before a soft voice echoed from beyond the treeline. "Koneko Toujou, I swear to the Maō. If you go out there for some fucking chocolate…and of course she goes. I'm too old for this shit."

    Even as a petite, white haired girl emerged from the forest, golden eyes focused with razor-keen precision on the box in my hand, an effeminate blonde garbed in an outfit that seemed vaguely familiar materialized from the bushes behind her, giving a jaunty wave.

    "Yo, Exorcist-kun. While I appreciate the offer, I'll have to decline. After all, Holy Water is a perfectly valid ingredient to use in chocolate, and it wouldn't affect you any." They shrugged. "As much as I like chocolate, it's not worth the ris-you put that fucking Pocky back or so help me I'll never bake you a cake again." Their last words were directed at Koneko, who had been inching towards my candy during the whole time the newcomer had been talking and had just taken one.

    The girl froze, then slowly, deliberately, lowered it back into the box.

    The youth sighed, palming their face. "I swear. Why am I the mother and father of this Peerage?"

    I chuckled to myself, even as I pulled my Pocky back towards myself. Koneko Toujou, because it was definitely her, followed the box's movement with her eyes even as I tucked it into one of my robe's outer pockets, leaving it visible. "I'd have to guess paranoia, myself." I replied, watching the blonde. Considering they were with Koneko and their colouration, there was only one person I could think this was - yet, that should have been impossible. They should have been sealed away in the old school building at Kuoh Academy.

    Oh well, I could improvise...and at least it wasn't Kiba. Right now, a meeting with him...wouldn't end well.

    "I have to admit, I never even thought about making sweets with holy water." A memory rose, and I paused. "...Though, that would explain how Dulio was able to subdue a Stray Devil by holding up some of his personal Toblerone bars in a cross and chanting 'The power of Carbs compels you' over and over." The Vatican was nowhere near as serious as it probably should have been when you got high enough up the ranks. Dulio Gesualdo, in particular, was the goofiest motherfucker I'd yet met in any of my years. A great guy and a damn good Exorcist, but a goofy motherfucker all the same.

    The blonde appeared to be suppressing a laugh. "My, my. That's...certainly something. I guess he deserves a big Toblerone, then. I'm sure that glutton could finish one faster than even this one." They jerked a thumb at their companion, who shot them a deadpan glare which they ignored.

    Their face then sobered. "Funny stories aside, I, along with the candy-addict, am here on behalf of our King, Rias Gremory, Heiress to House Gremory of the Seventy Two Pillars of Hell, Queen of the Andals and Mother of-wait, no. Forget those last ones." The cheeky blonde gave a wink and a peace sign.

    I narrowed my eyes. Interesting...Game of Thrones had hit the height of its popularity once it became a TV show, but that hadn't happened yet. I'd checked and a lot of things I enjoyed were currently non-existent save for my memories. They might have read the book, or…

    "Rias Gremory, huh?" I mused aloud, tapping my fingers on the Pocky box in my outside pocket. Koneko was still staring at it, and I had to admit to being amused by the tiny twitches of her eyes. "Well, we were going to talk to her tomorrow, but if you really want we could probably give you something to tell her before then." I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. "It can't take too long though, I'm afraid. The girls need their beauty sleep, you know?"

    I didn't need to look to know that Xenovia would be leaning against the church wall beside the doorframe, Excalibur Destruction's wrapped form propped up beside her. Irina would be less noticeable, but still just on the inside of the church's threshold as she looked out.

    They always fell into the same poses. Not that I wasn't guilty of that as well, of course…

    As Koneko was content to ogle my candy, it fell to the blonde to answer. "That would be appreciated, yes. There's few things more valuable than information, especially when individuals enter your home, bearing objects of power with unclear intentions. I hope you'll forgive the presumption." They folded their hands behind their back and fixed me with an expectant, crimson-eyed stare over the top of their shades.

    "Of course, of course," I replied, waving off the weight behind the words. "Well then…" I changed my expression and posture, standing up straighter and putting on the same poker face I wore to the monthly Exorcist Poker Night. "The reason for our coming to Kuoh is…"

    I paused for effect.

    The blonde's face remained impassive; clearly, they knew what I was doing. Ah, well. There was more than one way to skin a cat. If they were going to be like this, then…

    I almost-closed my eyes, smiled widely and tilted my head to the side. "We got lost on the road of life!"

    Behind me, I heard the sound of Xenovia facepalming. The impact dislodged a slate from the church's roof; I could hear it slide down and fall to the ground.

    The blonde removed their shades, slipped them into a pocket, and closed their eyes. They inhaled deeply - then snapped their eyes open with a shout of "YOSH!" before striking that damned dreaded pose.

    'Oh dear sweet Christ in Heaven please no.'

    The blonde held the pose for a moment, then reverted to a casual pose, retrieving their shades from their pocket and sniffing disdainfully. "If you think you can match me in a game of shitpostery...you're gonna have a bad time."

    There it was. That was a line that they couldn't possibly have known...unless they were like me.

    Of all the things I had ever expected from my life, finding another person like me wasn't one of them. Of course, there were dozens of questions that needed to be asked and answered now...but not here. Xenovia and Irina knew me too well; the robe would hide the body language that might give me away too quickly, but they'd notice immediately if I tried to catch the blonde's attention as they had caught mine.

    ...Unless…

    I tucked my hands into the outer pockets of my robe, giving a grin and a shrug. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want that. There's more than enough people who have bones to pick with me already, you know?" I kept my head tilted, closing only my right eye as I met the blonde's gaze more steadily than my casual tone would suggest.

    The pose or the line could, taken alone, just be fluke references. But both of them together was more than enough proof that I knew exactly what the blonde was referencing. And if I knew what they were referencing, even though it didn't exist here yet, then there was only one conclusion they could reach.

    ...Actually there were at least three, thinking about it, but only one that they would reach. I hoped.

    There was a clattering sound as the blonde's shades fell from now nerveless fingers. Their ruby eyes widened to an almost comical width, even as their jaw dropped open, revealing conclusive proof of their identity in the form of two fangs.

    Slowly, dementedly, a chuckle built in the depths of Gasper's...or whoever this really was' throat. It hit its peak in moments, echoing forth into the open and bouncing off trees and the church. "Of all the things, it would be Sans that finds another, wouldn't it?" He was clearly keeping his statements vague, an act I appreciated.

    "Well, I suppose it seems only fitting," I commented. Grass crunched beside me as Xenovia walked forward and placed a hand on my shoulder; the question went unheard as I looked sideways at her. "Say, Xenovia, do you remember me telling you about my pen-pal from back when I was in the orphanage?"

    The blunette stared at me. "...No?"

    I blinked. "Didn't I tell you? I'm sure I told you."

    Xenovia looked rather unsure, and I pressed on, waving the question and its unfortunate possibilities away. "Well, we had a pretty good back-and-forth thing going for a while; we even wrote some stuff to send to one another...and that line was one of the best either of us came up with. I could never forget it." I turned back to Gasper, putting a wide smile on my face. "It must be a really small world to run into you in person after all this time."

    The blond grinned, his sunglasses now back over his eyes. "Perhaps. On the other hand, maybe this is simply an inevitable conclusion of powers beyond our ken concentrating here. Or maybe I'm delusional? Who knows? Half the fun of life lies in finding out where your own personal insanity weaves into the world's madness, after all."

    He then clapped his hands. "As amusing as this diversion has been, and as glad I am that I encountered you, I would still like to know the actual purpose for your presence here. My King is...protective, shall we say, and the last thing I want is for that protectiveness to needlessly cause trouble for either of our groups." He grinned. "Just because we're Devils and you all are Exorcists, doesn't mean we can't be at least cordial to one another, right?" He spread his arms almost invitingly.

    Beside me, Xenovia's right arm - hidden from the Devils' view by my body - rose to my lower back. There, her finger drew a line and tapped once, followed a second later by the press of her knuckles. I want to punch him in the face.

    I barely held onto my straight-ish face as I shifted my right foot back beneath my robes, gently pressing the heel against the toes of her right foot. Hold position.

    I could feel her pouting at me without looking, even though I knew she wouldn't have actually shifted her expression. She had become far too good at that.

    "I've never seen the need to care much about what a person is, so long as they're a good person," I agreed. "Very well then. We've come to Kuoh on a manhunt investigating stolen Church property. Anything more can wait until our groups meet tomorrow. After all…" I looked pointedly at the blond's shadow. "You never know who's listening."

    "Touché. Well, I suppose that we'll leave it at that, for the time being." He turned to his companion. "Come on, Koneko. I'll buy you a carton of Pocky on the way home."

    By the way the petite Rook perked up at that, she'd likely instantly forgiven him for his earlier threat.

    That didn't stop me from raising a finger in front of my mouth, the universal symbol for 'quiet', and throwing the carton from my pocket under-arm to her once Gasper had turned away.

    Koneko moved to snatch it out of the air, but a tendril of shadow snaked up from Gasper's own, causing Xenovia to tense behind me. It wrapped around the box and reeled it in, depositing it in the Dhampir's grasp. He shot me an amused look, daintily removed a single biscuit stick from the box, consumed it in a single chomp, then passed another to Koneko after a moment of consideration. "If you're done undermining my 'parenting', I need to be going." He shot at me with a smirk.

    Koneko looked torn between annoyance at the parenting comment and delight at the Pocky. In the end, she settled for disgruntledly munching on the chocolate treat as the duo walked away.

    I resisted the temptation to start pulling my various other snack supplies from my robes and launching them after the two. It would be a waste of perfectly good sugar...even if my inner child protested letting Gasper have the last word.

    His time would come. As a founding member of the Vatican's most infamous confection-smuggling ring, I swore it.

    For now, though, I had two curious, nosy Exorcist girls to try and talk into believing that I was part of some super-secret attempt at fostering peace through having the different species' children communicate. Or something like that, at least - something more convincing than just a 'pen pal', anyway.

    Ah well. Such was the life of Asia Argento, veteran candy-smuggler and Exorcist extraordinaire.

    -x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-​

    Gasper

    Well. Today had certainly yielded some interesting revelations. To think that there would be another person dropped into this world. How very...fascinating. I was hopeful that their amicable nature wasn't just an act. After all, it had been so very long since I'd had a good, long verbal shitpost session with my friends…

    Fuck. Now I was crying again. I'd thought I'd gotten over that loss...I guess I was wrong.

    Koneko regarded me with concern...or, what passed for concern when coming from her stoic countenance.

    In return I simply shook my head. "It's nothing. Just memories of old friends."

    The two of us continued on our way back to the clubhouse, though we stopped to make good on my promise on the way. The way Koneko's eyes glinted when faced with the massive collection of confectionary goodness was equally adorable and concerning, as usual.

    After my wallet had been drained substantially by Koneko's addiction (thank the Maō for the money I made through my contracts, both online and around Kuoh), I returned to the school for the second time in as many hours. I noted that Kiba had scarcely shifted positions since I'd left and made a mental note to talk with him before the meeting tomorrow. If I could make sure he didn't do anything foolish during that time, all the better.

    Once we entered, Koneko wandered off to enjoy her treats. I, on the other hand, had a meeting to attend.

    I entered the club room with nary a sound, taking in the familiar sight of Rias dozing at her desk. Instincts warred with necessity internally, and I sighed. As much as I wanted to leave her to rest peacefully, the only sign of my passage a draped blanket and a cushioning pillow, I knew that she'd want me to wake her for this.

    Reluctantly, I laid a slim hand on the shoulder of my King and shook her lightly. "President, please wake up. I have news."

    Rias yawned cutely, and stretched her arms above her, the motion doing...interesting things to her form. I averted my eyes, stifling a blush with my Blood Magic (truly, the most useful application of Blood Manipulation). Even after seven years being around Akeno and Rias as they grew from cute young girls to the voluptuous near-women they were now, I still got flustered from time to time. I wasn't Kiba, after all.

    Of course, I wasn't Issei, either. I actually had a modicum of self control. Admittedly we were both utterly shameless, but I made much better use of it. In my opinion, at least, and certainly that of the school's female population.

    Smacking her lips, my King finally registered my presence. Her eyes scanned the room for Koneko, and when she found no sign of her, her eyes snapped to me.

    "I bought her another carton of Pocky; she's off eating it somewhere." Rias nodded, then wordlessly gestured to a chair in front of her desk. I sank into it with a sigh of relief.

    I folded my hands in my lap as I regarded my King. "Koneko and I approached that old church on the hill from the forest side. Before we managed to get closer than eyeshot, they'd noticed us."

    I sighed, rolling my neck with a satisfying pop. "One of them seemed a bit...antsy. I don't think she liked me very much. Issei's little friend was definitely playing up the ditzy act; they were acting too competently for it to be anything else." I closed my eyes, considering how to phrase the next bit. "I felt a sense of dread from them, like the way we feel around churches, but much worse. The angry one was carrying a massive bundle; I think it was a Holy Sword of significant power."

    Rias' eyes became razor-focused. "Holy Sword users, in my town?!"

    'It's more likely than you think.' As usual, I failed to suppress my snark entirely, though I at least had the sense to keep it internal.

    I held up a finger. "As crazy as this might sound, I don't think the group of trained Christian warriors bearing weapons forged of Heaven's Light have come to this town to kill us Devils who inhabit it. Especially considering the way the third member of their group acted."

    My mind fixed on the third and most interesting of the the three. "The third one...they were clearly picked for their diplomatic skill, if nothing else. It felt like I was talking to an actual person, rather than a mouthpiece of the Church." I chuckled. "Of course, the fact that they were able to easily match wits with me, and in fact turned out to be an old pen-pal of mine, certainly helped."

    Rias eyed me with some measure of amusement. "Could it be? Is my little Gasper-kun finally growing up, getting his first crush?" She wiped an imaginary tear from her eye. "I never thought I'd see the day."

    I gave her a deadpan stare that Koneko would've approved of. "I've been more mature than you are now since I was eight years old and you know it."

    Rias shot me a pout, then sobered. "So, why are there Exorcists in my city?"

    I popped a knuckle absently. "They'll be coming by tomorrow to explain in greater detail, but apparently there have been some thefts of significant church property, and they managed to track those objects here. I doubt they're going to accuse us of stealing them, but they'll probably ask us to stay out of the way or something. Only my former pen-pal seems like they'd really be willing to work with us."

    Rias nodded. "Very well. I'll be ready for tomorrow. Now, I'm going to turn in; I suggest you do the same."

    I snapped a salute. "Will do, boss lady. Sleep well."

    The both of us exited the room, Rias locking it behind her with a gesture and a flex of her will. Then we walked together to the part of the building that housed our dorms before we parted ways for the night.

    …

    I really did mean to go directly to bed, you know? But as usual, my overactive mind decided that it would be better to keep me up and worry at the thought of another person from my world, like Cerberus gnawing at the bones of dead Cyclopes. So I stayed up for several more hours, tapping out random thoughts on my smartphone in between bouts of memes and shitposting.

    Truly, my work was never done. What is one to do when he's Gasper Vladi, Devil den-mother by day, Professional Chunnibyō by night and full-time Shitlord?

    Enjoy life however he can, of course.

    AN: Well, here's the first full-length chapter. Please, enjoy its girth.
     
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