Neon Metathesis Evangelion [NGE]
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Chapter 1 - Sandalphon
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Thanks to @Turing Decidable for the Greek lesson 
NGE fics can usually be neatly divided into darkfics and positive fics, with the latter in my estimation clearly being a majority. This fic, too, would fall into the latter category. Part of how this more positive outcome is to be reached is a different order of angel attacks, and also of certain other events. Since it may hence not entirely clear where we are in the story: This would be just after the end of episode 4. Shinji has decided not to leave Tokyo-3, and accepted that piloting EVA is his lot.
And sorry, no wham events in the first chapter, like time travelling protagonists or kisses. I'm sorry, but this will have to go slowly
NERV Headquarters was huge. No, it was actually positively megalomaniac.
Shinji had no idea how anyone could have use for so much space. It was not enough that NERV had created an entire geofront beneath Tokyo-3. The facilities inside and below that geofront seemed to stretch for several kilometres. And there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to how they were arranged. The surface of the geofront was a nice woodland areal that could have provided enough space for several buildings, each dedicated to a specific task. Instead, NERV HQ had ended up as a veritable maze of train lines, rooms and corridors. And escalators. Lots and lots of giant escalators.
Shinji did feel a bit intimitated by the surroundings: A room that seemed to be large enough to house the entire apartment complex he and Misato was using, and a ludicrously large escalator running right through it, at its centre at least a hundred metre removed from any wall, ground or ceiling. But as usual, the vaguely suppressive feeling did not really reach him. He had to report in for synch and combat training, so that was what he would be doing.
His bored gaze got steady when he saw a person at the end of escalator. Misato seemed to be waiting for him.
"There you are, Shinji," the Captain greeted him. "Sorry for letting you come here on your own. Ristuko wanted to brief me."
"Brief you?" Shinji echoed.
"They finally got Unit 00 functional again," Misato explained. "So I've scheduled joint combat training between you and Rei today."
"Already?" Shinji asked. "She only got rid of her last bandages a few days ago."
"You two need to be able to work together ASAP," Misato answered. "There's no telling when the next angel will arrive."
That made Shinji turn his gaze strictly forward again, and a scowl appeared on his face. The next angel. It was not something he was looking forward to.
Misato seemed to sense his mood. A mischievous grin appeared on her face when she asked in an all too innocent voice: "Aren't you glad for the chance to be working with Rei?"
Shinji had only lived with his new guardian for a few weeks, but he could already guess what would come now. He sounded too petulant even for his own taste when he answered: "What do you mean?"
"You entered EVA-01 when you saw how injured she was," Misato recalled. "The knight in shining armour getting up on his horse to save the fair maiden. You know, traditionally chivalry should be rewarded with a kiss."
This was exactly what Shinji had expected, and yet he still got annoyed. Or flustered. Whatever. "It wasn't like that! You know that!" He paused, but before Misato could speak up again he continued darkly: "It was much more serious than that."
That seemed to make Misato reconsider. "Yes, it was," she finally said in a serious tone. "But it still was a very noble thing for you to do."
Shinji did not know how to respond to that. He knew full well of himself how much he longed for such words of praise and acknowledgement. Misato seemed to have made it a habit to casually mention now and then how his decision to pilot was the right and noble one, or how he had saved the city on two occasions. Even so, Shinji still never knew how to react to that. So as so often, he simply remained quiet.
He actually ran into Ayanami before the tests and training began, right outside the locker rooms. She was walking straight to the female one, without even so much as looking at him.
Before she could reach the door, Shinji spoke up: "So, uh... do you feel ready for the training?"
"I foresee no problems," Ayanami simply answered.
"Say, didn't you get those injuries in a test with Unit 00?" Shinji asked. "Aren't you at least a bit afraid of entering that EVA again?"
"No," Ayanami replied. Despite the shortness of the answer it did not sound curt. In fact, nearly everything she said sounded incredibly soft.
"Uh, if you say so...." Shinji commented. He was confused.
Ayanami finally came to a stop, right in front of the door to her locker room. Without turning around she asked: "Aren't you Commander Ikari's son?"
"Uh, yeah..." Shinji answered unsurely. Not that I like that fact.
"Then you should have faith in your own father's work," Rei stated.
Shinji just scoffed at that and entered his own locker room. He did not want to be rude towards Rei, but his father was a hot button topic with him.
The first two hours of activities consisted of nothing else but synch tests. The test room was occupied by EVA-00, so all Shinji could do was to sit in his entry plug and try to concentrate. Again and again and again. Synch tests were alright, actually, since they required basically no effort. But two hours of them could become very long, especially as nearly nobody spoke to him. Only Misato made a comment now and then.
He hoped the reactivation of EVA-00 would go smoothly. As much as he was confused by Ayanami, he did not wish harm on her. It seemed the girl had suffered enough due to the EVAs already, as proven by the bandages she had worn to school for several weeks. Due to Father's EVA program... and yet she says I should have faith in him. Yeah, that'll be the day.
There were no bad news coming his way, though, and finally he could leave the entry plug. Dr Akagi told him that the reactivation of EVA-00 had happened without a single glitch; in fact she seemed a little surprised by that herself. For now the unit would be left in the test room. Since it was too small to accommodate two EVAs, Shinji and his unit would be added by VR, just as the training simulation was. After two hours, Shinji and Ayanami would change places, with EVA-01 then in the test room.
The fights themselves, simulated retellings of the attacks by Sachiel and Shahamshel, were easy enough. Both Shinji and Ayanami simply followed Misato's commands. This was Virtual Reality, and Shinji knew so. There was no emotional investment here. There really only was rote and routine, and it seemed to be the same for Ayanami. Both EVAs, no matter which one was the virtual one and which the real one, showed little to none initiative.
That was expected. What was more surprising was Ayanami's general behaviour. Even during the simulations, her acknowledgement of orders and status reports did not waste one word too many, and outside the simulations, in pauses when the virtual environment was rearranged or when Dr Akagi would take her time to analyse the sensor and machine readings, Ayanami did not say anything at all. When pushed, she would finally answer with pure "Yes" and "No" answers, but Shinji really was not a person to push, so he gave it up after a single try.
It's odd. Does she hold my earlier rudeness against me? That would be one lengthy grudge over such a small thing.
After the training, Shinji ran into Ayanami again, after both had showered and dressed.
"Uh, I think we did well..."
Ayanami did not answer.
The two walked a few steps before Shinji tried anew: "I'm glad you didn't experience any problems in Unit 00."
No response.
They had reached the long escalator when Shinji said: "I just hope we won't need to use this training any time soon. Hopefully the next angel will take some time before attacking."
When Ayanami remained silent again, Shinji thought it best to give up. However, she eventually did speak, if with nearly a minute of delay: "You could have left. I could have piloted Unit 01."
Shinji really did not know how to respond to that.
Misato waited for Shinji at the bottom of the escalator. Without acknowledging either of the two, Ayanami just turned around and walked away. Shinji watched her leaving.
His confusion must have been written plainly in his face. "Girl trouble?" Misato teased.
"Say, Misato, for how long have you known Ayanami?" Shinji asked.
"Since the first activation tests of EVA-00," the Captain answered. "Which were about a year ago. Why?"
"She is... odd," Shinji judged. "She hardly spoke a word during the training. And now she told me I could have left, as she could pilot my EVA."
"That's just the way she is," Misato explained. "I doubt you could fill much more than a A4 sheet of paper with all the words she has said to me, ever. I don't think she was hostile to you. Knowing her, she probably even meant that in a friendly way – you're free to go, she'll cover for you. Though, knowing her, she could have meant it in all kinds of ways." She looked in the direction into which Ayanami had gone and frowned. "Communicating with her is difficult."
"I see," Shinji muttered. That was not a very difficult concept for him to comprehend. Communicating with anyone was difficult for him.
By and large, Shinji's life so far had been dominated by grey, dull monotony. He was living day to day, with little conception of or care for the future, and there was little that reached him emotionally. That did not mean he had entirely lost the ability to marvel, though. First seeing the Geofront, or seeing the buildings of Tokyo-3 literally rise into evening sky, those had been marvellous moments. And right now, he was able to enjoy his helicopter trip, no matter how suddenly he had been called to it. He had never seen urban areas, like Tokyo-3, or various fields and woodlands now, from such an angle.
He had assumed today would be just another school day, but he had been wrong. Instead of driving him to school, Misato had brought him to NERV Headquarters, where they had entered a helicopter belonging to the organization. The only drawback was how cramped it was. No less than four armed people, all of them dressed in light beige uniforms and red berets were besides him and the Captain. There was no doubt that this was not a joy ride; this was a military helicopter taking them to a military operation.
Shinji did a double take when he saw two giant statues in an otherwise empty woodland, one of them orange and one of them purple. Not statues, but Evangelion Units 00 and 01. EVA-00 was covered in scaffolds. And around them, a makeshift camp of containers and plane tents. It was there that the helicopters landed. Misato disembarked even before the copter had fully reached the ground. She did not even duck under the still roaring rotors. By contrast, Shinji waited until those had mostly died down.
He was surprised to see Dr Akagi and Ayanami waiting for them at the landing field, even though Unit 00's presence should have given him a hint.
"Ah, hello," he greeted them, then looked at the blue-haired girl. "You're here, too, Ayanami?"
Instead of the girl, Misato answered: "She came in in another helicopter. Security rules. I had to push to be allowed into the same one as you, Shinji. NERV gets nervous when all its eggs are in the same basket."
Shinji turned to her. "So I assume we are here to pilot our EVAs?"
Misato nodded. "I'm sorry about not having told you any details. Again, operational security. We can't afford any leaks. Come along."
The group entered a nearby long, white tent. Inside, electronic devices had been installed in a very unorderly fashion, surrounded by mazes of cable. Dr Akagi led them to a monitor. Shinji could not quite recognize what it showed. The thing on the monitor looked like a weird caricature of a human foetus, but the picture was held entirely in black and brown colour tones, so it was difficult to discern details.
"I'm sure your departure was a bit too sudden to notice any landmarks, Shinji," Dr Akagi began, "This is Mount Asama. As an active volcano, it is under constant geological observation. Some day ago, the monitoring station found something remarkable. NERV teams were sent to investigate. And they found this." She used a pencil to point at the monitor. "This is an angel. Importantly, an angel not yet in its adult state. We assume it is a sort of chrysalis. I hope you understand what this means for us in term of opportunities. A not fully grown, live but dormant angel would be a perfect study object, to find out about the capabilities of our enemies."
"So you want us to capture it," Shinji concluded. He felt... resigned. Not sad, because he had not really expected anything better. He would do NERV's bidding again, simply because there was no one else to pilot Unit 01.
"Correct," Dr Akagi confirmed. "Work teams are currently re-fitting Unit 00. Its D-Type equipment will be able to withstand the extreme pressures and temperatures inside the volcano."
Ayanami nodded slightly. Even though Dr Akagi hardly seemed to notice her, it was apparently her briefing as well.
"What about me then?" Shinji asked.
"We currently don't have D-Type Equipment for Unit 01," Dr Akagi explained. "Unit 00 was our prototype... the unit we used to test all this equipment. It is still under development for the other units."
"Unit 01 will take up position outside the volcano, standing guard," Misato picked up the explanation. "If the capture attempt fails, the angel must be destroyed. And... if it should manage to break out of the volcano, it will be your job to fight it."
Shinji's brows furrowed as he looked to the side. If the angel kills Ayanami, they mean. Why are we...
He looked up and decided to ask the question: "But so far it's been dormant?"
"That's correct," Dr Akagi simply confirmed.
"Then why risk this?" Shinji asked. "Why fight more angels than we need to fight?" He knew he sounded petulant, but he did not care.
"Shinji..." Misato began, but Dr Akagi showed less caution: "More angels will come. If we haven't used all opportunities to study specimen until then we will be at a disadvantage. You will be at a disadvantage fighting them."
That was not something Shinji liked to hear, but Misato added another argument: "Besides, it's time we take the fight to them. Right now, that angel is just a pup. What will happen once it's fully grown? Do you think it will simply stay dormant then?"
Shinji just looked down and did not reply. They always find oh so good reasons. They don't really care if I understand or agree. They only care that I get into the EVA. Misato is wrong. It isn't 'we' who'll take the fight to the angel, it will be Ayanami. Not her.
He looked up again, at Ayanami. He was very sure she would never protest. Which meant that if he refused to pilot, she would be all alone in this. It always comes down to this, doesn't it? Ever since I arrived here.
Misato gave him a soft smile. "We established changing areas in the neighbouring tents. Your plugsuits are there. Get dressed. The operation starts in..." She took a look at her watch. "One hour, twelve minutes."
'Changing areas' simply meant a separation by a thin tent plane. Shinji could still see Ayanami's silhouette on the other side , something he became acutely aware of when he saw her removing her bra and her.... Shinji looked down, his face flushing red. Fortunately, he was already in his plugsuit. He heard a familiar faint noise of air hissing from Ayanami's area and looked up. Her plugsuit had tightened, matching to her figure perfectly. He grinned lopsidedly. Not that this is much better...
He felt the need to say something. Ayanami had gotten the dangerous part of this mission. It was possible she could die out there; he was after all the back up in case she did. But he could not ask her if she was afraid. That would most likely be as pointless as last time he had asked her that. Instead, he said softly: "Good luck out there, Ayanami."
The girl did not respond. Not that Shinji would have expected her to. But as she turned, and before she could go, he added quietly: "I'll protect you." He did not know where that came from, but it was important to him. He understood why Ayanami had gotten the dangerous part of the mission, he could even agree with the logic behind it, but he felt awful and even somewhat guilty at the idea of leaving her alone with an angel in the middle of an active volcano.
He had not been sure whether she would even hear him. He had spoken so quietly that these words had been more for his own benefit than hers. However, she replied: "That is not your assigned task", and left.
Shinji was still mulling that over when he left the tent. Then all thoughts of that sort were pushed away and he just laughed.
Both EVAs were standing a bit further down the slope leading up the volcano. Unit 01 looked like it always had, the only unusual element a single wall of scaffolds at its side that would allow him to reach the entry plug. But Unit 00... Unit 00 was wearing a white deep sea diving suit. There was no other way to describe it. Its cyclopean head was even stuck inside a helmet.
Misato smirked when she saw Shinji laughing. Ayanami and Dr Akagi were standing next to her.
"Well then," she said. "It's time. Ayanami?"
The girl nodded and pushed a button on her wrist. Again, Shinji started laughing.
She looks like a balloon!
Her plugsuit had suddenly become inflated, so that her body indeed looked nearly completely spherical, not dissimilar to how EVA-00 currently looked... Which is probably the reason, Shinji realized. Even so, it was quite funny.
Ayanami did not laugh. Dr Akagi did not laugh. Misato merely smirked, and she had an over-active sense of humour anyway.
Shinji stopped. His face reddened and he looked down. He barely managed to look at the blue-haired girl when he whispered: "Sorry."
Ayanami tilted her head. "What for?"
The right side of Dr Akagi's mouth curled up, but the grin did not extent further than that. "Get into your unit, Rei."
"Yes, Dr Akagi," the girl confirmed.
"You as well, Shinji," Misato told him.
Shinji nodded and turned around.
After his EVA had reached the edge of the caldera, he still had to wait nearly an hour for Unit 00 to get into place, whose movements had become much clumsier. A giant crane was suspended over the caldera, and Unit 00 was being connected to it. While this happened, Shinji saw some objects glittering in the sky. They were far too high to be birds, but too numerous to be normal passenger planes.
"What are those?" he asked the open comm channels.
"Air force contingents from the UN and the JSSDF," Misato told him. "They are our second back-up line, after you." She breathed out. "If the angel escapes the volcano, and if you fail to defeat it, then they're our last hope. They will carpet bomb the area with N2 mines."
"But that means..." Shinji started to protest.
"Yes," Misato answered gravely, "it does."
Shinji made his right hand a fist. His face had become a grimace of anger. Of course. They force us to pilot those things, and will kill us if we fail.
He calmed down again. He should not have expected better of NERV. Please, Ayanami. You have to succeed...
EVA-00 was slowly being lowered into the caldera, clad in its special equipment and holding a giant force cage. The unit was absolutely motionless. Shinji tensely listened to the comms.
"Current Depth: 170. Speed of descent: 20"
"Switching to CT Monitor." A pause. "Visibility no more than 120."
"Depth is 400... 450... 500... 550... 600... 650..."
Finally: "900... 950... 1000... 1020... we're over the maximum safety depth."
Shinji tensed further up. Over the safety maximum? He made a deep frown when he listened again: "Depth is 1300. Unit 00 has reached estimated target level." The target level is below the maximum safety depth? That's part of the plan ?
"No reactions detected," Ayanami reported. Even in a situation like this her voice sounded soft and monotone.
"Understood," Misato confirmed. "We're resuming descent."
What? What is Misato doing?
"Depth is 1350... 1400... A crack has occurred in the second coolant pipe."
Coolant pipes? Shinji took a look at the cables again. They were pipes all right. And if they're needed...
"Depth is 1480... we're over the allowed maximum depth."
I swear, Misato, if she gets hurt...
"Maximum allowed depth plus 120... Unit 00 has lost its progressive knife... Maximum allowed depth plus 200... Depth 1780. Unit 00 has reached the corrected target depth."
"Target object sighted," Ayanami reported. Her calmness began to unnerve Shinji.
"Prepare to capture," Misato ordered.
"Rei, due to the extreme lava currents around you, you will only have one chance to capture the target," Dr Akagi added.
"Understood," Ayanami confirmed.
"Electromagnetic cage spread. No problems detected."
"Target captured," Ayanami reported.
Shinji breathed out. He was feeling pure relief. In fact, he was feeling a bit dizzy now.
"Nice job, Rei," Misato lauded her. "We're initiating the ascent."
The rumbling of the cables in the opposite direction as before had a calming effect on Shinji. It seemed like all his fears had been misplaced. Fortunately. Maybe for once things would go better than he had expected.
Then the alarm signal blared
"What's happening?" he demanded to know.
"Movement in the cage," Ayanami reported at the same time.
Shortly afterwards, Misato ordered: "Abort the capture! Jettison the cage! New mission priority: Destroying the angel."
"Understood," Ayanami confirmed. Now she sounded strained. "Cage successfully jettisoned. Angel is growing rapidly... the Angel has freed itself from the cage."
"Unit 00, withdraw and prepare for combat!" Misato ordered.
"Unit 00 is without progressive knife," Ayanami reminded her, now surprisingly calm again.
Misato wasted no second: "Shinji, release your knife into the volcano!"
Shinji did not just "release" it. He threw it into the caldera with all of his EVA's might.
He desperately wished he could get a glimpse of how the combat was going. Even more so he wished he could help Ayanami. But all he could do was to stand at the edge of the caldera, wait, and hope for the best.
"Contact with knife, 40 seconds. Angel is approaching rapidly."
Shinji could hear pained grunts by Ayanami over the comms. He did not notice how his EVA formed fists.
"Knife received," Ayanami reported. However, a while later: "Progressive knife seems to ineffective."
Damnit!
Suddenly, Dr Akagi spoke up: "Rei, cut open coolant pipe 5, and target the angel with it. We're rerouting all coolant pressure to there. The thermal shock should be able to damage the angel."
"Understood," Ayanami answered. She sounded tense. An eternity later, which probably was only about one or two minutes in absolute time, she reported: "Angel seems to be disint... oh."
Shinji heard the explanation for the "oh" instantly from the command centre: "Coolant pipes 1 and 2 ruptured. Coolant pipes 3 and 4 damaged. Amount of coolant pipe received by Unit 00 insufficient."
"Estimated time of arrival topside for Unit 00?" Misato asked.
"One minute, ten seconds," came the answer.
"The angel?" Misato inquired further.
"Destroyed, as far as we can tell. Visual sensors show a disintegration of its physical form, and we aren't picking up any code blue AT fields."
Half a minute later: "Coolant pipe 3 ruptured. She... she's hanging in there on a single, half-destroyed cable."
That was a rather unprofessional report, but Shinji could appreciate that. Or maybe he could have if he were conscious enough about it. As it was, his mind was tasked out by swinging between desperate hope and just despair.
"EVA-00 at 150... further ruptures in remaining pipe... 120... 80.... the pipe, it..."
Shinji had heard enough. Given the depths Unit 00 had been in, 80 metres was basically at the edge of the volcano, but if the cable ruptured for good it would not mean a damn how close the EVA and Ayanami had come. So EVA-01 climbed into the volcano.
"Shinji! What are you doing?" Misato shouted.
He ignored her. He was not acting entirely unreasonably. 80 metres, or maybe 100 if Unit 00 has already sunken in a bit, was just about two EVA lengths. And he had not jumped into the caldera; rather he was now climbing down the pipes.
It hurt. It hurt like hell. Unit 01 had no heat-resistant gear. Shinji was not literally boiling. He willed his AT field to become as strong as possible, and the standard EVA armour was nothing to sneeze at. But it still felt like various parts of his body constantly coming into contact with glowing hot metal.
But that was nothing compared to what Ayanami would feel if he were to fail.
He could barely open his eyes for all the pain, but there it was, Unit 00. Unit 01 stretched out its hand.
000000
"EVA-00 at 150... further ruptures in remaining pipe... 120... 80.... the pipe, it... pipe ruptured!"
A mild shock went through Unit 00 as it was now completely freed from any force pulling it up. It was now lost in the middle of enormous amounts of lava.
I completed my mission, Rei thought. That is what matters. She did not fear death. She would welcome it, even. But instead, soon there would be another her. She looked around. Red. I hate red.
Then she saw something piercing through the red. Something dark. And in the midst of that dark... two slits, glowing up white. Unit 01's face.
They managed to improvise a rescue operation.
Unit 00 grabbed Unit 01's hand. The latter was hanging from what remained of the pipes and was now slowly crawling them up, Unit 00 in tow. Over the comms, Rei could hear pained grunts from Ikari.
He doesn't have special equipment. But he had to do this. Unit 00 is too valuable to lose.
Finally, Unit 01 was topside, and it managed to drag Unit 00 out of the volcano with one final act of strength. Then it collapsed on the ground.
Rei's synchronization was severed, her entry plug ejected. Soon after, people came, a rescue team, and helped her outside. It really was unnecessary. Her special equipment had gotten some debilitating cuts from the angel, so that her right leg had been subject to some sympathetic pain, but it was nothing severe, and in terms of physical health she was fine. She could have left Unit 00 all on her own, she could even have it manoeuvred it back to the airlift to the Nerv HQ.
Outside the EVA, there were more people. NERV technicians, workers... Dr Akagi, Captain Katsuragi, Ikari. The Operations Director seemed agitated. She kept on talking to Shinji. The boy did not seem to care or even pay attention. His stance shifted now and then, but not in reaction to what Captain Katsuragi was saying. He winced.
He's in pain, Rei realized.
She could now hear what Katsuragi was telling him: "Please, Shinji. Pay attention to me. Look, I won't say the pain is your own fault... you do deserve sympathy... but you did act recklessly, and..."
Ikari looked up and spotted Rei. His face lightened up. Without further paying notice to Katsuragi, he impulsively ran over. Rei still had time enough to wonder about his intent, when she suddenly felt surrounded on all sides by him. For some reason he had grabbed her and… hugged. He has hugged me. Rei's eyes widened. She was startled and surprised.
Nearly as quickly as he had started the hug, Ikari ended it and awkwardly retreated. He looked down as he did so. "Ah, sorry, Ayanami. I'm just glad you survived!"
Katsuragi grumbled, but it sounded benign. "Don't think you can escape this by sheer cuteness." She began to sound more serious. "If we had lost both Evangelions… and what about yourself? We would have had no way to rescue you!"
"I hardly could leave Ayanami to die, could I?" Ikari countered. He was grumbling for real, speaking in a subdued but defiant voice.
Rei did not understand what the conversation was about. She was confused.
"But you can risk your own death?" Katsuragi asked rhetorically. "Or impose burning pains on you?"
"I'm becoming used to pain," Ikari mumbled.
This finally motivated Rei to speak up: "Did Pilot Ikari not succeed in your rescue operation, Captain Katsuragi?"
The Operations Director turned her head around to her sharply, then her facial features softened. "It never was my rescue operation, Rei. It was his. When he heard about the last pipe rupturing, he stepped into the volcano on his own initiative."
Rei nodded. It was good that Ikari, despite being so new to NERV, could appreciate the value of Unit 00. Maybe he should have waited for orders, but she could appreciate the rapidness of events might have made that infeasible.
"He wanted to save you," Katsuragi continued.
Rei's eyes widened again. He looked to Ikari, who now looked a bit abashed... and still in pain, as he seemed to bite down hard on his teeth.
She tilted her head. "I do not understand."
"I thought you at least would," Ikari suddenly shouted. "Everyone questions me. But..." His voice got quieter. "I did say I'd protect you, didn't I?"
Rei looked in the faces of the people around him. Captain Katsuragi was as easy to read as a book. She seemed to be mostly motivated by her concern for Ikari. That concern was not something Rei understood, but that was okay: All in all, she understood little of the world, and she had no reason to understand more. Her purpose did not require it. Meanwhile, Dr Akagi's expression was blank and neutral, but Rei knew her: She was constantly observing everything.
She felt a deep urge within her to ask Ikari why protecting her was so important. She was replaceable, after all. She also wanted to ask if this had anything to do with what she was feeling currently. As so many things about the aftermath of this operation, that confused her as well. It was not a physical sensation, but something inside her. Something that was both unsettling and yet... positive, in a strange way she could not articulate even within her thoughts.
But it would not do to ask him this here. She would have to approach him later.
NGE fics can usually be neatly divided into darkfics and positive fics, with the latter in my estimation clearly being a majority. This fic, too, would fall into the latter category. Part of how this more positive outcome is to be reached is a different order of angel attacks, and also of certain other events. Since it may hence not entirely clear where we are in the story: This would be just after the end of episode 4. Shinji has decided not to leave Tokyo-3, and accepted that piloting EVA is his lot.
And sorry, no wham events in the first chapter, like time travelling protagonists or kisses. I'm sorry, but this will have to go slowly
NERV Headquarters was huge. No, it was actually positively megalomaniac.
Shinji had no idea how anyone could have use for so much space. It was not enough that NERV had created an entire geofront beneath Tokyo-3. The facilities inside and below that geofront seemed to stretch for several kilometres. And there seemed to be no rhyme or reason to how they were arranged. The surface of the geofront was a nice woodland areal that could have provided enough space for several buildings, each dedicated to a specific task. Instead, NERV HQ had ended up as a veritable maze of train lines, rooms and corridors. And escalators. Lots and lots of giant escalators.
Shinji did feel a bit intimitated by the surroundings: A room that seemed to be large enough to house the entire apartment complex he and Misato was using, and a ludicrously large escalator running right through it, at its centre at least a hundred metre removed from any wall, ground or ceiling. But as usual, the vaguely suppressive feeling did not really reach him. He had to report in for synch and combat training, so that was what he would be doing.
His bored gaze got steady when he saw a person at the end of escalator. Misato seemed to be waiting for him.
"There you are, Shinji," the Captain greeted him. "Sorry for letting you come here on your own. Ristuko wanted to brief me."
"Brief you?" Shinji echoed.
"They finally got Unit 00 functional again," Misato explained. "So I've scheduled joint combat training between you and Rei today."
"Already?" Shinji asked. "She only got rid of her last bandages a few days ago."
"You two need to be able to work together ASAP," Misato answered. "There's no telling when the next angel will arrive."
That made Shinji turn his gaze strictly forward again, and a scowl appeared on his face. The next angel. It was not something he was looking forward to.
Misato seemed to sense his mood. A mischievous grin appeared on her face when she asked in an all too innocent voice: "Aren't you glad for the chance to be working with Rei?"
Shinji had only lived with his new guardian for a few weeks, but he could already guess what would come now. He sounded too petulant even for his own taste when he answered: "What do you mean?"
"You entered EVA-01 when you saw how injured she was," Misato recalled. "The knight in shining armour getting up on his horse to save the fair maiden. You know, traditionally chivalry should be rewarded with a kiss."
This was exactly what Shinji had expected, and yet he still got annoyed. Or flustered. Whatever. "It wasn't like that! You know that!" He paused, but before Misato could speak up again he continued darkly: "It was much more serious than that."
That seemed to make Misato reconsider. "Yes, it was," she finally said in a serious tone. "But it still was a very noble thing for you to do."
Shinji did not know how to respond to that. He knew full well of himself how much he longed for such words of praise and acknowledgement. Misato seemed to have made it a habit to casually mention now and then how his decision to pilot was the right and noble one, or how he had saved the city on two occasions. Even so, Shinji still never knew how to react to that. So as so often, he simply remained quiet.
He actually ran into Ayanami before the tests and training began, right outside the locker rooms. She was walking straight to the female one, without even so much as looking at him.
Before she could reach the door, Shinji spoke up: "So, uh... do you feel ready for the training?"
"I foresee no problems," Ayanami simply answered.
"Say, didn't you get those injuries in a test with Unit 00?" Shinji asked. "Aren't you at least a bit afraid of entering that EVA again?"
"No," Ayanami replied. Despite the shortness of the answer it did not sound curt. In fact, nearly everything she said sounded incredibly soft.
"Uh, if you say so...." Shinji commented. He was confused.
Ayanami finally came to a stop, right in front of the door to her locker room. Without turning around she asked: "Aren't you Commander Ikari's son?"
"Uh, yeah..." Shinji answered unsurely. Not that I like that fact.
"Then you should have faith in your own father's work," Rei stated.
Shinji just scoffed at that and entered his own locker room. He did not want to be rude towards Rei, but his father was a hot button topic with him.
The first two hours of activities consisted of nothing else but synch tests. The test room was occupied by EVA-00, so all Shinji could do was to sit in his entry plug and try to concentrate. Again and again and again. Synch tests were alright, actually, since they required basically no effort. But two hours of them could become very long, especially as nearly nobody spoke to him. Only Misato made a comment now and then.
He hoped the reactivation of EVA-00 would go smoothly. As much as he was confused by Ayanami, he did not wish harm on her. It seemed the girl had suffered enough due to the EVAs already, as proven by the bandages she had worn to school for several weeks. Due to Father's EVA program... and yet she says I should have faith in him. Yeah, that'll be the day.
There were no bad news coming his way, though, and finally he could leave the entry plug. Dr Akagi told him that the reactivation of EVA-00 had happened without a single glitch; in fact she seemed a little surprised by that herself. For now the unit would be left in the test room. Since it was too small to accommodate two EVAs, Shinji and his unit would be added by VR, just as the training simulation was. After two hours, Shinji and Ayanami would change places, with EVA-01 then in the test room.
The fights themselves, simulated retellings of the attacks by Sachiel and Shahamshel, were easy enough. Both Shinji and Ayanami simply followed Misato's commands. This was Virtual Reality, and Shinji knew so. There was no emotional investment here. There really only was rote and routine, and it seemed to be the same for Ayanami. Both EVAs, no matter which one was the virtual one and which the real one, showed little to none initiative.
That was expected. What was more surprising was Ayanami's general behaviour. Even during the simulations, her acknowledgement of orders and status reports did not waste one word too many, and outside the simulations, in pauses when the virtual environment was rearranged or when Dr Akagi would take her time to analyse the sensor and machine readings, Ayanami did not say anything at all. When pushed, she would finally answer with pure "Yes" and "No" answers, but Shinji really was not a person to push, so he gave it up after a single try.
It's odd. Does she hold my earlier rudeness against me? That would be one lengthy grudge over such a small thing.
After the training, Shinji ran into Ayanami again, after both had showered and dressed.
"Uh, I think we did well..."
Ayanami did not answer.
The two walked a few steps before Shinji tried anew: "I'm glad you didn't experience any problems in Unit 00."
No response.
They had reached the long escalator when Shinji said: "I just hope we won't need to use this training any time soon. Hopefully the next angel will take some time before attacking."
When Ayanami remained silent again, Shinji thought it best to give up. However, she eventually did speak, if with nearly a minute of delay: "You could have left. I could have piloted Unit 01."
Shinji really did not know how to respond to that.
Misato waited for Shinji at the bottom of the escalator. Without acknowledging either of the two, Ayanami just turned around and walked away. Shinji watched her leaving.
His confusion must have been written plainly in his face. "Girl trouble?" Misato teased.
"Say, Misato, for how long have you known Ayanami?" Shinji asked.
"Since the first activation tests of EVA-00," the Captain answered. "Which were about a year ago. Why?"
"She is... odd," Shinji judged. "She hardly spoke a word during the training. And now she told me I could have left, as she could pilot my EVA."
"That's just the way she is," Misato explained. "I doubt you could fill much more than a A4 sheet of paper with all the words she has said to me, ever. I don't think she was hostile to you. Knowing her, she probably even meant that in a friendly way – you're free to go, she'll cover for you. Though, knowing her, she could have meant it in all kinds of ways." She looked in the direction into which Ayanami had gone and frowned. "Communicating with her is difficult."
"I see," Shinji muttered. That was not a very difficult concept for him to comprehend. Communicating with anyone was difficult for him.
By and large, Shinji's life so far had been dominated by grey, dull monotony. He was living day to day, with little conception of or care for the future, and there was little that reached him emotionally. That did not mean he had entirely lost the ability to marvel, though. First seeing the Geofront, or seeing the buildings of Tokyo-3 literally rise into evening sky, those had been marvellous moments. And right now, he was able to enjoy his helicopter trip, no matter how suddenly he had been called to it. He had never seen urban areas, like Tokyo-3, or various fields and woodlands now, from such an angle.
He had assumed today would be just another school day, but he had been wrong. Instead of driving him to school, Misato had brought him to NERV Headquarters, where they had entered a helicopter belonging to the organization. The only drawback was how cramped it was. No less than four armed people, all of them dressed in light beige uniforms and red berets were besides him and the Captain. There was no doubt that this was not a joy ride; this was a military helicopter taking them to a military operation.
Shinji did a double take when he saw two giant statues in an otherwise empty woodland, one of them orange and one of them purple. Not statues, but Evangelion Units 00 and 01. EVA-00 was covered in scaffolds. And around them, a makeshift camp of containers and plane tents. It was there that the helicopters landed. Misato disembarked even before the copter had fully reached the ground. She did not even duck under the still roaring rotors. By contrast, Shinji waited until those had mostly died down.
He was surprised to see Dr Akagi and Ayanami waiting for them at the landing field, even though Unit 00's presence should have given him a hint.
"Ah, hello," he greeted them, then looked at the blue-haired girl. "You're here, too, Ayanami?"
Instead of the girl, Misato answered: "She came in in another helicopter. Security rules. I had to push to be allowed into the same one as you, Shinji. NERV gets nervous when all its eggs are in the same basket."
Shinji turned to her. "So I assume we are here to pilot our EVAs?"
Misato nodded. "I'm sorry about not having told you any details. Again, operational security. We can't afford any leaks. Come along."
The group entered a nearby long, white tent. Inside, electronic devices had been installed in a very unorderly fashion, surrounded by mazes of cable. Dr Akagi led them to a monitor. Shinji could not quite recognize what it showed. The thing on the monitor looked like a weird caricature of a human foetus, but the picture was held entirely in black and brown colour tones, so it was difficult to discern details.
"I'm sure your departure was a bit too sudden to notice any landmarks, Shinji," Dr Akagi began, "This is Mount Asama. As an active volcano, it is under constant geological observation. Some day ago, the monitoring station found something remarkable. NERV teams were sent to investigate. And they found this." She used a pencil to point at the monitor. "This is an angel. Importantly, an angel not yet in its adult state. We assume it is a sort of chrysalis. I hope you understand what this means for us in term of opportunities. A not fully grown, live but dormant angel would be a perfect study object, to find out about the capabilities of our enemies."
"So you want us to capture it," Shinji concluded. He felt... resigned. Not sad, because he had not really expected anything better. He would do NERV's bidding again, simply because there was no one else to pilot Unit 01.
"Correct," Dr Akagi confirmed. "Work teams are currently re-fitting Unit 00. Its D-Type equipment will be able to withstand the extreme pressures and temperatures inside the volcano."
Ayanami nodded slightly. Even though Dr Akagi hardly seemed to notice her, it was apparently her briefing as well.
"What about me then?" Shinji asked.
"We currently don't have D-Type Equipment for Unit 01," Dr Akagi explained. "Unit 00 was our prototype... the unit we used to test all this equipment. It is still under development for the other units."
"Unit 01 will take up position outside the volcano, standing guard," Misato picked up the explanation. "If the capture attempt fails, the angel must be destroyed. And... if it should manage to break out of the volcano, it will be your job to fight it."
Shinji's brows furrowed as he looked to the side. If the angel kills Ayanami, they mean. Why are we...
He looked up and decided to ask the question: "But so far it's been dormant?"
"That's correct," Dr Akagi simply confirmed.
"Then why risk this?" Shinji asked. "Why fight more angels than we need to fight?" He knew he sounded petulant, but he did not care.
"Shinji..." Misato began, but Dr Akagi showed less caution: "More angels will come. If we haven't used all opportunities to study specimen until then we will be at a disadvantage. You will be at a disadvantage fighting them."
That was not something Shinji liked to hear, but Misato added another argument: "Besides, it's time we take the fight to them. Right now, that angel is just a pup. What will happen once it's fully grown? Do you think it will simply stay dormant then?"
Shinji just looked down and did not reply. They always find oh so good reasons. They don't really care if I understand or agree. They only care that I get into the EVA. Misato is wrong. It isn't 'we' who'll take the fight to the angel, it will be Ayanami. Not her.
He looked up again, at Ayanami. He was very sure she would never protest. Which meant that if he refused to pilot, she would be all alone in this. It always comes down to this, doesn't it? Ever since I arrived here.
Misato gave him a soft smile. "We established changing areas in the neighbouring tents. Your plugsuits are there. Get dressed. The operation starts in..." She took a look at her watch. "One hour, twelve minutes."
'Changing areas' simply meant a separation by a thin tent plane. Shinji could still see Ayanami's silhouette on the other side , something he became acutely aware of when he saw her removing her bra and her.... Shinji looked down, his face flushing red. Fortunately, he was already in his plugsuit. He heard a familiar faint noise of air hissing from Ayanami's area and looked up. Her plugsuit had tightened, matching to her figure perfectly. He grinned lopsidedly. Not that this is much better...
He felt the need to say something. Ayanami had gotten the dangerous part of this mission. It was possible she could die out there; he was after all the back up in case she did. But he could not ask her if she was afraid. That would most likely be as pointless as last time he had asked her that. Instead, he said softly: "Good luck out there, Ayanami."
The girl did not respond. Not that Shinji would have expected her to. But as she turned, and before she could go, he added quietly: "I'll protect you." He did not know where that came from, but it was important to him. He understood why Ayanami had gotten the dangerous part of the mission, he could even agree with the logic behind it, but he felt awful and even somewhat guilty at the idea of leaving her alone with an angel in the middle of an active volcano.
He had not been sure whether she would even hear him. He had spoken so quietly that these words had been more for his own benefit than hers. However, she replied: "That is not your assigned task", and left.
Shinji was still mulling that over when he left the tent. Then all thoughts of that sort were pushed away and he just laughed.
Both EVAs were standing a bit further down the slope leading up the volcano. Unit 01 looked like it always had, the only unusual element a single wall of scaffolds at its side that would allow him to reach the entry plug. But Unit 00... Unit 00 was wearing a white deep sea diving suit. There was no other way to describe it. Its cyclopean head was even stuck inside a helmet.
Misato smirked when she saw Shinji laughing. Ayanami and Dr Akagi were standing next to her.
"Well then," she said. "It's time. Ayanami?"
The girl nodded and pushed a button on her wrist. Again, Shinji started laughing.
She looks like a balloon!
Her plugsuit had suddenly become inflated, so that her body indeed looked nearly completely spherical, not dissimilar to how EVA-00 currently looked... Which is probably the reason, Shinji realized. Even so, it was quite funny.
Ayanami did not laugh. Dr Akagi did not laugh. Misato merely smirked, and she had an over-active sense of humour anyway.
Shinji stopped. His face reddened and he looked down. He barely managed to look at the blue-haired girl when he whispered: "Sorry."
Ayanami tilted her head. "What for?"
The right side of Dr Akagi's mouth curled up, but the grin did not extent further than that. "Get into your unit, Rei."
"Yes, Dr Akagi," the girl confirmed.
"You as well, Shinji," Misato told him.
Shinji nodded and turned around.
After his EVA had reached the edge of the caldera, he still had to wait nearly an hour for Unit 00 to get into place, whose movements had become much clumsier. A giant crane was suspended over the caldera, and Unit 00 was being connected to it. While this happened, Shinji saw some objects glittering in the sky. They were far too high to be birds, but too numerous to be normal passenger planes.
"What are those?" he asked the open comm channels.
"Air force contingents from the UN and the JSSDF," Misato told him. "They are our second back-up line, after you." She breathed out. "If the angel escapes the volcano, and if you fail to defeat it, then they're our last hope. They will carpet bomb the area with N2 mines."
"But that means..." Shinji started to protest.
"Yes," Misato answered gravely, "it does."
Shinji made his right hand a fist. His face had become a grimace of anger. Of course. They force us to pilot those things, and will kill us if we fail.
He calmed down again. He should not have expected better of NERV. Please, Ayanami. You have to succeed...
EVA-00 was slowly being lowered into the caldera, clad in its special equipment and holding a giant force cage. The unit was absolutely motionless. Shinji tensely listened to the comms.
"Current Depth: 170. Speed of descent: 20"
"Switching to CT Monitor." A pause. "Visibility no more than 120."
"Depth is 400... 450... 500... 550... 600... 650..."
Finally: "900... 950... 1000... 1020... we're over the maximum safety depth."
Shinji tensed further up. Over the safety maximum? He made a deep frown when he listened again: "Depth is 1300. Unit 00 has reached estimated target level." The target level is below the maximum safety depth? That's part of the plan ?
"No reactions detected," Ayanami reported. Even in a situation like this her voice sounded soft and monotone.
"Understood," Misato confirmed. "We're resuming descent."
What? What is Misato doing?
"Depth is 1350... 1400... A crack has occurred in the second coolant pipe."
Coolant pipes? Shinji took a look at the cables again. They were pipes all right. And if they're needed...
"Depth is 1480... we're over the allowed maximum depth."
I swear, Misato, if she gets hurt...
"Maximum allowed depth plus 120... Unit 00 has lost its progressive knife... Maximum allowed depth plus 200... Depth 1780. Unit 00 has reached the corrected target depth."
"Target object sighted," Ayanami reported. Her calmness began to unnerve Shinji.
"Prepare to capture," Misato ordered.
"Rei, due to the extreme lava currents around you, you will only have one chance to capture the target," Dr Akagi added.
"Understood," Ayanami confirmed.
"Electromagnetic cage spread. No problems detected."
"Target captured," Ayanami reported.
Shinji breathed out. He was feeling pure relief. In fact, he was feeling a bit dizzy now.
"Nice job, Rei," Misato lauded her. "We're initiating the ascent."
The rumbling of the cables in the opposite direction as before had a calming effect on Shinji. It seemed like all his fears had been misplaced. Fortunately. Maybe for once things would go better than he had expected.
Then the alarm signal blared
"What's happening?" he demanded to know.
"Movement in the cage," Ayanami reported at the same time.
Shortly afterwards, Misato ordered: "Abort the capture! Jettison the cage! New mission priority: Destroying the angel."
"Understood," Ayanami confirmed. Now she sounded strained. "Cage successfully jettisoned. Angel is growing rapidly... the Angel has freed itself from the cage."
"Unit 00, withdraw and prepare for combat!" Misato ordered.
"Unit 00 is without progressive knife," Ayanami reminded her, now surprisingly calm again.
Misato wasted no second: "Shinji, release your knife into the volcano!"
Shinji did not just "release" it. He threw it into the caldera with all of his EVA's might.
He desperately wished he could get a glimpse of how the combat was going. Even more so he wished he could help Ayanami. But all he could do was to stand at the edge of the caldera, wait, and hope for the best.
"Contact with knife, 40 seconds. Angel is approaching rapidly."
Shinji could hear pained grunts by Ayanami over the comms. He did not notice how his EVA formed fists.
"Knife received," Ayanami reported. However, a while later: "Progressive knife seems to ineffective."
Damnit!
Suddenly, Dr Akagi spoke up: "Rei, cut open coolant pipe 5, and target the angel with it. We're rerouting all coolant pressure to there. The thermal shock should be able to damage the angel."
"Understood," Ayanami answered. She sounded tense. An eternity later, which probably was only about one or two minutes in absolute time, she reported: "Angel seems to be disint... oh."
Shinji heard the explanation for the "oh" instantly from the command centre: "Coolant pipes 1 and 2 ruptured. Coolant pipes 3 and 4 damaged. Amount of coolant pipe received by Unit 00 insufficient."
"Estimated time of arrival topside for Unit 00?" Misato asked.
"One minute, ten seconds," came the answer.
"The angel?" Misato inquired further.
"Destroyed, as far as we can tell. Visual sensors show a disintegration of its physical form, and we aren't picking up any code blue AT fields."
Half a minute later: "Coolant pipe 3 ruptured. She... she's hanging in there on a single, half-destroyed cable."
That was a rather unprofessional report, but Shinji could appreciate that. Or maybe he could have if he were conscious enough about it. As it was, his mind was tasked out by swinging between desperate hope and just despair.
"EVA-00 at 150... further ruptures in remaining pipe... 120... 80.... the pipe, it..."
Shinji had heard enough. Given the depths Unit 00 had been in, 80 metres was basically at the edge of the volcano, but if the cable ruptured for good it would not mean a damn how close the EVA and Ayanami had come. So EVA-01 climbed into the volcano.
"Shinji! What are you doing?" Misato shouted.
He ignored her. He was not acting entirely unreasonably. 80 metres, or maybe 100 if Unit 00 has already sunken in a bit, was just about two EVA lengths. And he had not jumped into the caldera; rather he was now climbing down the pipes.
It hurt. It hurt like hell. Unit 01 had no heat-resistant gear. Shinji was not literally boiling. He willed his AT field to become as strong as possible, and the standard EVA armour was nothing to sneeze at. But it still felt like various parts of his body constantly coming into contact with glowing hot metal.
But that was nothing compared to what Ayanami would feel if he were to fail.
He could barely open his eyes for all the pain, but there it was, Unit 00. Unit 01 stretched out its hand.
000000
"EVA-00 at 150... further ruptures in remaining pipe... 120... 80.... the pipe, it... pipe ruptured!"
A mild shock went through Unit 00 as it was now completely freed from any force pulling it up. It was now lost in the middle of enormous amounts of lava.
I completed my mission, Rei thought. That is what matters. She did not fear death. She would welcome it, even. But instead, soon there would be another her. She looked around. Red. I hate red.
Then she saw something piercing through the red. Something dark. And in the midst of that dark... two slits, glowing up white. Unit 01's face.
They managed to improvise a rescue operation.
Unit 00 grabbed Unit 01's hand. The latter was hanging from what remained of the pipes and was now slowly crawling them up, Unit 00 in tow. Over the comms, Rei could hear pained grunts from Ikari.
He doesn't have special equipment. But he had to do this. Unit 00 is too valuable to lose.
Finally, Unit 01 was topside, and it managed to drag Unit 00 out of the volcano with one final act of strength. Then it collapsed on the ground.
Rei's synchronization was severed, her entry plug ejected. Soon after, people came, a rescue team, and helped her outside. It really was unnecessary. Her special equipment had gotten some debilitating cuts from the angel, so that her right leg had been subject to some sympathetic pain, but it was nothing severe, and in terms of physical health she was fine. She could have left Unit 00 all on her own, she could even have it manoeuvred it back to the airlift to the Nerv HQ.
Outside the EVA, there were more people. NERV technicians, workers... Dr Akagi, Captain Katsuragi, Ikari. The Operations Director seemed agitated. She kept on talking to Shinji. The boy did not seem to care or even pay attention. His stance shifted now and then, but not in reaction to what Captain Katsuragi was saying. He winced.
He's in pain, Rei realized.
She could now hear what Katsuragi was telling him: "Please, Shinji. Pay attention to me. Look, I won't say the pain is your own fault... you do deserve sympathy... but you did act recklessly, and..."
Ikari looked up and spotted Rei. His face lightened up. Without further paying notice to Katsuragi, he impulsively ran over. Rei still had time enough to wonder about his intent, when she suddenly felt surrounded on all sides by him. For some reason he had grabbed her and… hugged. He has hugged me. Rei's eyes widened. She was startled and surprised.
Nearly as quickly as he had started the hug, Ikari ended it and awkwardly retreated. He looked down as he did so. "Ah, sorry, Ayanami. I'm just glad you survived!"
Katsuragi grumbled, but it sounded benign. "Don't think you can escape this by sheer cuteness." She began to sound more serious. "If we had lost both Evangelions… and what about yourself? We would have had no way to rescue you!"
"I hardly could leave Ayanami to die, could I?" Ikari countered. He was grumbling for real, speaking in a subdued but defiant voice.
Rei did not understand what the conversation was about. She was confused.
"But you can risk your own death?" Katsuragi asked rhetorically. "Or impose burning pains on you?"
"I'm becoming used to pain," Ikari mumbled.
This finally motivated Rei to speak up: "Did Pilot Ikari not succeed in your rescue operation, Captain Katsuragi?"
The Operations Director turned her head around to her sharply, then her facial features softened. "It never was my rescue operation, Rei. It was his. When he heard about the last pipe rupturing, he stepped into the volcano on his own initiative."
Rei nodded. It was good that Ikari, despite being so new to NERV, could appreciate the value of Unit 00. Maybe he should have waited for orders, but she could appreciate the rapidness of events might have made that infeasible.
"He wanted to save you," Katsuragi continued.
Rei's eyes widened again. He looked to Ikari, who now looked a bit abashed... and still in pain, as he seemed to bite down hard on his teeth.
She tilted her head. "I do not understand."
"I thought you at least would," Ikari suddenly shouted. "Everyone questions me. But..." His voice got quieter. "I did say I'd protect you, didn't I?"
Rei looked in the faces of the people around him. Captain Katsuragi was as easy to read as a book. She seemed to be mostly motivated by her concern for Ikari. That concern was not something Rei understood, but that was okay: All in all, she understood little of the world, and she had no reason to understand more. Her purpose did not require it. Meanwhile, Dr Akagi's expression was blank and neutral, but Rei knew her: She was constantly observing everything.
She felt a deep urge within her to ask Ikari why protecting her was so important. She was replaceable, after all. She also wanted to ask if this had anything to do with what she was feeling currently. As so many things about the aftermath of this operation, that confused her as well. It was not a physical sensation, but something inside her. Something that was both unsettling and yet... positive, in a strange way she could not articulate even within her thoughts.
But it would not do to ask him this here. She would have to approach him later.
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Chapter 2 - Replaceability
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
"Hey, Shinji. You can wake up now. Class is over."
Shinji looked over his shoulder. Kensuke had called him. He and his inevitable companion at the next table, Touji, were just opening their lunch boxes.
"Come over," Touji called him. "There's a table free here." As Shinji did so, he commented: "Jeez, man, you look rough. Misato keeping you up at night?"
Shinji smiled tolerantly. It would probably be too much to ask for his two friends to keep their minds out of the gutter. Not that Misato herself was much better, so he was getting used to such banter, even if he never participated in it himself.
"I..." he began, but then shook his head. "I can't tell," he realized sadly. "NERV stuff. Classified." He sat down and got his own lunch box out of his bag.
"Always with the NERV stuff," Touji complained. By contrast, Kensuke's face became more attentive, but he remained quiet. Surprisingly seriously, Touji added: "Don't let them work you to death." Another smile, faint and sad, appeared on Shinji's face. Touji was a real foot-in-mouth kind of guy. At least he rarely noticed his mistakes; that spared Shinji having to listen to his attempts at apologizing.
So he just nodded and looked away. After all, he could not tell his friends what was going on. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ayanami. She had unpacked a small, thin book and was reading from it. She seemed to do that a lot in her free time. In fact, there was absolutely nothing different from normal about her. It was as if yesterday had never happened, as if she had never come so close to death. Shinji was baffled; he thought there had to be hints, that at least now she would have to show some signs of uneasiness or relief. But the whole day, there had been nothing. As always, Ayanami sat alone; she always seemed to create her own personal personal field of solitude around her.
She never seemed to care about that, either, though. Shinji could understand: Solitude could be relaxing, a protection from the stresses of having to deal with others. For years, he had been sufficiently content that way.
Touji grinned and leaned over to him. Quietly yet provocatively he asked: "What's up with you? Doesn't care a bit about Misato's... attributes, but as soon as he sees some exotic hair..."
Shinji sighed. "I'm just wondering..." He stopped. "Would you believe if I told you that's something under NERV classification as well?"
"It's a convenient excuse, I give you that," Kensuke answered. "Is the reason Ayanami keeps looking over to you classified as well?"
"Wh-what?" Shinji asked. He managed to not quite blurt it out.
"How can anyone be so inattentive!" Touji declared loudly. Some people looked; Ayanami did not. He shook his head and, now in a more subdued volume, almost hissed: "It's rare enough she pays attention to anything inside the classroom."
Shinji nearly rolled his eyes at the usual theatricals of his friends. They were not as bad as some. Some of his classmates, mostly the girls but some boys as well, seemed to positively sustain themselves on gossip, and relationship gossip was the most sought after kind. So people would deduce relationships, whether they really existed or not, from the smallest hints. Shinji himself kept entirely out of this game. For that matter, so did Touji and Kensuke, usually, but they were always on the lookout for stuff to tease each other with, or Shinji.
And indeed Kensuke commented drily, without looking up from his food: "The same's true for you."
"That's not true," Touji almost snorted. "I look at uh...." Kensuke just grinned. "Well, at least I don't spend the whole class looking at online pics of battleships!"
"Warships," Kensuke corrected. "Of the U.N. Pacific Fleet. It's big news on the forums I go to; the U.N. had sent them half way around the world, to Europe, and they're only returning now. Nobody knows what they did there." He looked around and almost whispered. "I bet it has to do with the Evangelions. They were in the North Sea. And NERV has a big facility at Hamburg, a major port there."
"You always think it has to do with Evangelions," Touji dismissed that idea.
"What else could it be?" Kensuke argued, now that his favourite topic had come up rather heatedly. "They didn't do any manoeuvres with the Germans or Brits. And that even though the Brits will soon launch a new compact carrier, their first new semi-capital ship since Second Impact, and the Germans have a new submarine class that..."
"Jeez, jeez, we get it!" Touji complained.
"Huh. I didn't even know NERV has facilities in Europe," Shinji spoke up. Kensuke gave him his best 'You gotta be kidding me' look. He seemed too stunned by his friend's ignorance to try to lecture him.
Touji cleared his throat. Shinji looked at him. Touji had lowered his head, but he was clearly gazing at something. Shinji followed that view and saw Rei looking at them... or, more exactly, probably at him. And even now she held her gaze, which made him uneasy. It was not so much that he was looked at. Over the years, he had gotten pretty good at not caring about the outside world. Let them look at him, let them talk about him, let them laugh at him. But Rei's intense stare was something else altogether. He might have called it creepy, except... he did not really feel so. He felt a slight blush building up on his face.
Still keeping her gaze, Rei stored her book in her bag. Then she got up and walked away.
"That was... odd," Shinji whispered.
"I'll say," Touji added more forcefully. "You EVA pilots... Talk about weird!"
For Rei, the world was never quite fully there. Or maybe she was not. Except for some extraordinary events such as the first activation of EVA-00 or the recent battle, life just went on and on. She only kept enough attention to function sufficiently, never more than that. The world was just not real to her. It had nothing to do with her purpose, and she also could not quite... get it. She felt out of place in it, as if there was a fundamental disconnect between her inside world and the outside world. So that world had just become a grey blur to her. It often felt like her surroundings were a flowing river, and she was trying to grip single pieces of water. Or not even trying anymore, in fact.
She was alienated from her surroundings... and considering her nature, a topic her thoughts avoided as much as possible, that was probably little wonder. It did not matter, though. She only existed for her purpose, her place in Commander Ikari's plan, and if she died before its fulfilment, she could be replaced. Her self-image had always rested on those two truths.
But why then had Pilot Ikari risked his life to save her?
This had upset the absolute certainties that framed her life. She knew she had a bond to him, of course. As much as she did not like to think about it, she had a bond to all people, to all humans. But this was not the same. This bond was not supposed to also work in the opposite direction. And for some reason, her thoughts had dwelt on that topic. It had not simply faded into the grey background noise of everyday life, like everything else did. She hoped it could be once a conversation with Ikari would clear up matters. With the proper explanation, his behaviour could finally be integrated into that background noise.
But this very perception of reality was what made her hesitate all day long. Ikari seemed always busy – occupied with class, with his friends, with eating. He was part of the flowing river, and Rei just could not push through all of this water. She could watch him, but she felt like she just was not part of what was going on around him, in an almost physical way not part of it.
It was during the last class of the day that she decided to act. She had barely ended the customary bow at the end of class before grabbing her bag, and she was the first student out of the classroom door. She did not run; she nearly never did. It was just that she did not waste any time with superfluous activities. She did not look around, did not greet people, did not mentally go through her belongings to make sure she had not forgotten anything. She simply left the school premises as quickly and efficiently as possible.
This was actually nothing uncommon. She was maybe a bit more determined to be quick today, but whenever she did not have cleaning duty, she would usually be the first to leave the school – there simply was not anything to hold her there. What was different was where she walked afterwards. It was in the direct opposite direction of her usual route.
Eventually, she stopped and waited. And a bit later, she saw Ikari walking towards her.
He had his head cast down and was listening to his SDAT player, so he only noticed her relatively late. He was surprised when he did and quickly pulled the plug out of his right ear. "Ayanami."
She closed the remaining distance between them. "Ikari. I have a question for you."
"A… isn't your apartment the other way?" Ikari wondered. Rei did not answer. That was not the point. After some hesitation, which he used to stop the SDAT player and pack the ear plugs away, Ikari finally continued: "Uh… well, okay. What is it?"
"Why did you enter the volcano?" Rei asked.
"You know that, Ayanami," Ikari answered. "To save you."
"Why?" Rei inquired further.
"I couldn't simply let you die," Ikari claimed.
"Why?" Rei pressed on.
Now Ikari started to sound irritated. "What do you mean, why? I don't understand!"
Rei had thought the question to be perfectly straightforward. She paused, long enough for the conversation to nearly die down. Finally, she continued: "Why was it important for you that I did not die?"
Ikari became even more agitated. "I still don't understand. Do you wish to die?"
"It is irrelevant," Rei replied matter-of-factly.
This took Ikari completely aback. In fact, he literally walked a step backwards. "Irrelevant?"
"Yes," Rei confirmed. "I am replaceable."
She saw how Shinji's right hand moved, alternately forming a fist and relaxing again. For a moment he seemed too overwhelmed to answer. Finally, he did. "… Replaceable. Why would you say that?" His voice got louder. "You shouldn't say such things."
"...I see," Rei merely answered. Then I won't say it anymore.
Ikari was breathing heavily now. "Ayanami… " he managed to press forth. He spoke carefully now, measuring every word. "If I had been in that volcano, and you standing guard, would you have saved me?"
"If I had been ordered to," Rei confirmed.
"And if you hadn't?" Ikari inquired. "Or if Misato had ordered you to stay away?"
Then I would not have. That was the truth, but… somehow Rei did not like this truth. She... appreciated what Ikari had done, even though it had made little difference. With or without that action, there would still have been a Rei Ayanami. What was important was not that Ikari had allowed her to live, something that was ensured anyway, but that he had in fact protected her. The thought of her not doing the same for him filled her with a strange sort of disdain.
"At Mt Asama, I would have stayed away then," she finally admitted.
"At Mt Asama…?" Shinji echoed.
"You said you would protect me," Rei answered. "From now on, I will protect you."
She did not know for sure what she meant by that, did not know what this would entail. The thought of not obeying orders was strange and uncomfortable to her. After all, the Scenario had to come first, always. Maybe there was nothing she could do to protect him. Yet, she had found it necessary to reassure him of this. And she did truly want to protect him, the way he had protected her.
Without a further comment she turned around, and walked back towards school. It was time to return to her apartment.
After the combat at the volcano, Shinji had wished a return to normalcy. More angels would come, of course, but maybe they would take their time. And in the meanwhile, he would be able to return to his usual state of not caring about most anything around him, not his surroundings, not his circumstances, not the people around him... even though he had to admit he had already come to care about more people here than at any other point in his young life as far as he could remember back. However, that peace of mind, that comforting daily routine, did not come. Right now, Shinji felt nearly as agitated as he had the day before, at Mt Asama.
Replaceable? What does she mean by that?
Shinji had accepted that he could die in EVA combat. Even now, despite all of Misato's protest, he did not consider that to be such a big deal after all. He was slowly beginning to consider that maybe it was, that maybe if he died others would after all mourn for him. But even in his worst state he would never have considered himself replaceable. Expendable, maybe, but even then his loss would have meant something, would leave behind a world changed at least microscopically by his death.
But replaceable? To think one's own death would have no impact at all? Is that what they do to EVA pilots? Is that how an ideal EVA pilot looks to them? He was coming around to the thought that maybe Misato did care about him as more than just a pilot for her war, as more than just a tool, but sometimes he still doubted, and he was pretty certain that was how his father saw him. And Ayanami fulfils these expectations perfectly.
A tinge of despair had come up inside him during the conversation. He hoped his final question had reached Ayanami. He had thought that presenting her with a reversal of roles would finally bring his point across to her. And maybe it had; she had promised to protect him, so maybe she could see why he would want to protect her. Oddly, even though it was just a promise, and despite the circumstances of it, that promise made him feel... comfortable. Ayanami spoke rarely, so when she did her words had weight.
But he had also promised to protect her. And he thought about that as he watched Ayanami leaving.
I did promise that. Or told her, at least. I... I need to try, at least.
He began running, after her.
"Ayanami!" he shouted.
The girl came to a halt, but did not turn around. Shinji used the time to slow down and catch his breath.
"Ayanami… does that mean I also have to protect you from yourself?" he asked.
Cicadas form a nearby park were chirping in the background.
"I don't understand," Ayanami finally replied.
"I can't protect you if don't even care to be protected," Shinji told her.
Again, Ayanami was quiet for a long time. When she answered, it was a whisper, but Shinji could still hear it: "But I do."
She walked on, leaving him behind.
Things still felt tense to Shinji the next day. He knew he should not make himself a target for his friends' jokes, but he caught himself glancing over to Ayanami several times during classes. What she had told him simply unsettled him. It was not right that anyone should think of themselves in such a way. He wished he could do something to make her change her perception... but he knew fully well he certainly was not the person to do such a thing. Walking up to Ayanami and talking about serious topics with her? Him speaking about self-value? The thought alone was absurd.
As for the fellow EVA pilot herself, she seemed to be, once again, back to her normal self. He did not once catch her paying attention to him. That's probably the best way to deal with this all. Pretending it never happened. It was easy enough for Shinji to blend out his surroundings; over the years he had gotten quite skilled at it. He would easily be able to blend out a single conversation; to blend out Ayanami. He certainly managed to entirely ignore Touji's and Kensuke's teasing; at the end of the school day he could honestly not even recall what exactly they had said.
However, that strategy proved to be unworkable. For one thing, a blue-haired girl he had rescued once already and who was his initial reason for piloting EVA was a bit harder to ignore than his friends. And more importantly in practical terms, he and Ayanami would see each other even outside school at least weekly in synch tests. And as it turned out, it was really difficult to ignore Ayanami when she was two steps below oneself on the insanely long escalator and one had nowhere to escape to.
Even now, she did not regard him. Shinji was unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. At least she isn't showing any sign of displeasure. It meant that, at the very least, he had not screwed things up completely two days before. That was actually somewhat reassuring.
Still, the unresolved ambiguity nagged at him.
"Uh, Ayanami..." It had come out of his mouth before he could even think.
"Yes?" the blue-haired girl answered without turning around.
Ah, damn. What do I say now? This was awkward and it became intensely awkward as time passed by without Shinji saying anything. He felt hot.
"I..." he finally managed to say. "I'm sorry. It's nothing."
She simply nodded and kept looking ahead.
Huh. She really doesn't seem to mind...
The synch tests were nothing extraordinary. Dr Akagi was too busy analyzing the data to communicate much more than a grunt of approval now and then, but according to Misato, both Rei's and Shinji's synch rates were stable. Both had even improved, but by less than one percent point. It was not a stellar result, but it did mean both were deployable once the next angel would come around, and as far as NERV was concerned that was all that mattered. Shinji as well did not have any big aspirations concerning his synch-rate; after all he was merely doing his job – and then that job only because nobody else could.
He even told Misato so at one point. The Captain was visibly upset about that attitude, as Shinji could see in his entry plug's comm screen. However, all she replied was: "I know, Shinji. And I'm sorry about that. But as for synchronization... we don't ask you to make an effort for our sake, but for yours. You know how important a proper synchronization can be in combat."
Last time she had screamed at him that such an attitude would get him killed. It was after that that he had run away. In the days afterwards she had treated Shinji very carefully, as if she were walking on eggshells. Over time she had settled into her usual casual self again, but notably, she had not screamed at him once since then. Or even only so much as made a true demand, instead of 'requests'. The end result was still the same, of course, but Shinji appeciated that behaviour. Misato seemed to mean well.
"I know you're on cooking duty this evening," Misato continued, "But you know what, I think I can take over for you."
Shinji nearly jumped up from his plug seat. "There... there really is no need, Misato! It isn't a bother!"
"You shouldn't do that, Misato" Shinji heard Dr Akagi mutter in voice-only, "He needs to concentrate. His synch-rate just dropped by two point six. Not that I can blame him, what with your threat."
"Hey!" Misato shouted.
"Rate rising again," Dr Akagi reported as if she had not heard the Captain.
Shinji smiled and began to concentrate again.
There was not much talk apart from this, and certainly no more private talk. Rei spoke only rarely anyway, and the only time Dr Akagi was not fully professional was when she could make barbs aimed at Misato.
At least this professionalism and efficiency allowed for the tests to end in a timely manner. Once home, Shinji would have more than enough time for his homework and some free time. And maybe Misato would actually not speed on the way home... Yeah, right. The Captain was an excellent driver, as her car-based rescue of Shinji from Sachiel's attacks had shown, but her attitude towards regulations and speed limits was rather cavalier.
The next day at school, it seemed things were finally returning to the sort of peaceful, eventless normalcy Shinji craved. The teachers were droning on about their lectures, or in at least one case veered wildly offtopic to talk about their youth, Kensuke and Touji talked about irrelevancies, and Ayanami simply kept looking out of the window.
So it came as a sort of surprise that on his way back home, he again spotted the blue-haired girl standing on the pavement, obviously waiting for him.
"Deja vu," Shinji muttered.
"Ikari," she greeted him as he came closer. "I have a question."
"Again?" Shinki asked back, but it was in a good-natured tone. "Is this going to become a routine?" Rei just tilted her head. Shinji smiled in response. "Nevermind. What's on your mind?"
"Why do you pilot EVA?" Ayanami inquired.
Shinji let out a small sigh before smiling tolerantly. "You don't do light questions, do you, Ayanami? Well, I..." He hesitated. That question had after all been rather contentious not all too long ago. "I pilot Unit 01 because nobody else can. Well, I heard you can, maybe, but you're needed in Unit 00."
"Is that all there is to it?" Ayanami asked further.
"Pretty much," Shinji confirmed. "If I don't pilot, NERV will have one EVA less operational. That... that is something that can get people killed."
As he was saying that, Shinji wondered if that really was all there was to it. After all, he had not chosen to stay in Tokyo-3 during a battle, but afterwards. When he could have gone away while nothing was on the line. And yet he had decided to stay.
"So you feel the bond as well," Ayanami commented and nodded slightly.
"The... bond?" Shinji asked.
"The bond to people," Ayanami explained. "To all of humanity. It is why I pilot EVA. Why I trust your father." She paused. "You should as well."
"Why?" Shinji simply asked. Reversed roles.
But Rei just looked down. She did not seem to have an answer for it. Finally she asked back: "Why do you distrust your father?"
"He never gave me reason to do otherwise," Shinji answered. He hoped to sound defiant but feared he sounded whiny. "When my mother died, he abandoned me. I didn't hear from him for ten years. When I do, it's a letter telling me to come here, no details. And when I do, I find out I am supposed to go into war for him!"
"Your presence became necessary, when..." Rei tried to explain.
"I know!" Shinji interrupted her forcefully. "And I don't care. When I saw EVA-01 for the first time... I didn't want to pilot it. He must have foreseen that. He let you be carted in in order to blackmail me."
"I was brought in in order to pilot EVA-01, if you had refused," Rei stated.
"Nonsense," Shinji objected. His father - that was a topic that really could break through his normally so calm nature. "You were in no condition to pilot anything. And Father certainly knew that. The only reason you were brought to the EVA cages is so that I would see you."
Ayanami's reaction was nearly invisible. She blinked, and that was all. But that alone was a notable difference from her usually completely blank expression. And it took a while before she said: "What your Father does, he does for a reason. But this is hard to see. I understand."
Shinji scoffed. "I am here all day if he wants to explain his reasons to me. But he never talks to me. Except to give me orders."
"I see," Ayanami just replied. "I hope I have not given offense."
She was about to turn around, but Shinji intervened: "Wait, Ayanami. Why would you think so?"
"My questions caused you distress," she explained.
"No!" Shinji protested, but then had to relativize this: "...well, okay. Maybe a bit. But... I can't talk with others about that. Misato, maybe, but even she... it's good to have someone to talk to. Maybe it's good that someone asks such question, so that one can get a clearer picture of things."
Ayanami nodded agreement.
An awkward silence ensued, until Shinji spoke again: "Uh, I suppose... I'll see you in school again tomorrow, Ayanami?"
The girl nodded again and turned around to go.
Having someone to talk to... to ask those questions... that was a new concept to Shinji. He could not talk about NERV stuff with Kensuke and Touji, and besides he questioned how seriously they would take certain topics. As for Misato... she meant well, but Shinji was still somewhat unsure about her reactions. Besides, she also was his Operational Director. She was in a completely different spot than him.
But Ayanami... he could be sure with her. She did not seem to take offence and she genuinely did not seem to judge. He might not always like her answers, but they would be the same with or without him. He felt he could not screw this up, and that was an immensely relieving thought for someone like him.
The next day, Friday, Ayanami had cleaning duty after class. She would not appear once again on Shinji's way back home. Shinji considered that as he left the school yard... and then took the way opposite to where he would normally go. It was his turn to wait.
Shinji looked over his shoulder. Kensuke had called him. He and his inevitable companion at the next table, Touji, were just opening their lunch boxes.
"Come over," Touji called him. "There's a table free here." As Shinji did so, he commented: "Jeez, man, you look rough. Misato keeping you up at night?"
Shinji smiled tolerantly. It would probably be too much to ask for his two friends to keep their minds out of the gutter. Not that Misato herself was much better, so he was getting used to such banter, even if he never participated in it himself.
"I..." he began, but then shook his head. "I can't tell," he realized sadly. "NERV stuff. Classified." He sat down and got his own lunch box out of his bag.
"Always with the NERV stuff," Touji complained. By contrast, Kensuke's face became more attentive, but he remained quiet. Surprisingly seriously, Touji added: "Don't let them work you to death." Another smile, faint and sad, appeared on Shinji's face. Touji was a real foot-in-mouth kind of guy. At least he rarely noticed his mistakes; that spared Shinji having to listen to his attempts at apologizing.
So he just nodded and looked away. After all, he could not tell his friends what was going on. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ayanami. She had unpacked a small, thin book and was reading from it. She seemed to do that a lot in her free time. In fact, there was absolutely nothing different from normal about her. It was as if yesterday had never happened, as if she had never come so close to death. Shinji was baffled; he thought there had to be hints, that at least now she would have to show some signs of uneasiness or relief. But the whole day, there had been nothing. As always, Ayanami sat alone; she always seemed to create her own personal personal field of solitude around her.
She never seemed to care about that, either, though. Shinji could understand: Solitude could be relaxing, a protection from the stresses of having to deal with others. For years, he had been sufficiently content that way.
Touji grinned and leaned over to him. Quietly yet provocatively he asked: "What's up with you? Doesn't care a bit about Misato's... attributes, but as soon as he sees some exotic hair..."
Shinji sighed. "I'm just wondering..." He stopped. "Would you believe if I told you that's something under NERV classification as well?"
"It's a convenient excuse, I give you that," Kensuke answered. "Is the reason Ayanami keeps looking over to you classified as well?"
"Wh-what?" Shinji asked. He managed to not quite blurt it out.
"How can anyone be so inattentive!" Touji declared loudly. Some people looked; Ayanami did not. He shook his head and, now in a more subdued volume, almost hissed: "It's rare enough she pays attention to anything inside the classroom."
Shinji nearly rolled his eyes at the usual theatricals of his friends. They were not as bad as some. Some of his classmates, mostly the girls but some boys as well, seemed to positively sustain themselves on gossip, and relationship gossip was the most sought after kind. So people would deduce relationships, whether they really existed or not, from the smallest hints. Shinji himself kept entirely out of this game. For that matter, so did Touji and Kensuke, usually, but they were always on the lookout for stuff to tease each other with, or Shinji.
And indeed Kensuke commented drily, without looking up from his food: "The same's true for you."
"That's not true," Touji almost snorted. "I look at uh...." Kensuke just grinned. "Well, at least I don't spend the whole class looking at online pics of battleships!"
"Warships," Kensuke corrected. "Of the U.N. Pacific Fleet. It's big news on the forums I go to; the U.N. had sent them half way around the world, to Europe, and they're only returning now. Nobody knows what they did there." He looked around and almost whispered. "I bet it has to do with the Evangelions. They were in the North Sea. And NERV has a big facility at Hamburg, a major port there."
"You always think it has to do with Evangelions," Touji dismissed that idea.
"What else could it be?" Kensuke argued, now that his favourite topic had come up rather heatedly. "They didn't do any manoeuvres with the Germans or Brits. And that even though the Brits will soon launch a new compact carrier, their first new semi-capital ship since Second Impact, and the Germans have a new submarine class that..."
"Jeez, jeez, we get it!" Touji complained.
"Huh. I didn't even know NERV has facilities in Europe," Shinji spoke up. Kensuke gave him his best 'You gotta be kidding me' look. He seemed too stunned by his friend's ignorance to try to lecture him.
Touji cleared his throat. Shinji looked at him. Touji had lowered his head, but he was clearly gazing at something. Shinji followed that view and saw Rei looking at them... or, more exactly, probably at him. And even now she held her gaze, which made him uneasy. It was not so much that he was looked at. Over the years, he had gotten pretty good at not caring about the outside world. Let them look at him, let them talk about him, let them laugh at him. But Rei's intense stare was something else altogether. He might have called it creepy, except... he did not really feel so. He felt a slight blush building up on his face.
Still keeping her gaze, Rei stored her book in her bag. Then she got up and walked away.
"That was... odd," Shinji whispered.
"I'll say," Touji added more forcefully. "You EVA pilots... Talk about weird!"
For Rei, the world was never quite fully there. Or maybe she was not. Except for some extraordinary events such as the first activation of EVA-00 or the recent battle, life just went on and on. She only kept enough attention to function sufficiently, never more than that. The world was just not real to her. It had nothing to do with her purpose, and she also could not quite... get it. She felt out of place in it, as if there was a fundamental disconnect between her inside world and the outside world. So that world had just become a grey blur to her. It often felt like her surroundings were a flowing river, and she was trying to grip single pieces of water. Or not even trying anymore, in fact.
She was alienated from her surroundings... and considering her nature, a topic her thoughts avoided as much as possible, that was probably little wonder. It did not matter, though. She only existed for her purpose, her place in Commander Ikari's plan, and if she died before its fulfilment, she could be replaced. Her self-image had always rested on those two truths.
But why then had Pilot Ikari risked his life to save her?
This had upset the absolute certainties that framed her life. She knew she had a bond to him, of course. As much as she did not like to think about it, she had a bond to all people, to all humans. But this was not the same. This bond was not supposed to also work in the opposite direction. And for some reason, her thoughts had dwelt on that topic. It had not simply faded into the grey background noise of everyday life, like everything else did. She hoped it could be once a conversation with Ikari would clear up matters. With the proper explanation, his behaviour could finally be integrated into that background noise.
But this very perception of reality was what made her hesitate all day long. Ikari seemed always busy – occupied with class, with his friends, with eating. He was part of the flowing river, and Rei just could not push through all of this water. She could watch him, but she felt like she just was not part of what was going on around him, in an almost physical way not part of it.
It was during the last class of the day that she decided to act. She had barely ended the customary bow at the end of class before grabbing her bag, and she was the first student out of the classroom door. She did not run; she nearly never did. It was just that she did not waste any time with superfluous activities. She did not look around, did not greet people, did not mentally go through her belongings to make sure she had not forgotten anything. She simply left the school premises as quickly and efficiently as possible.
This was actually nothing uncommon. She was maybe a bit more determined to be quick today, but whenever she did not have cleaning duty, she would usually be the first to leave the school – there simply was not anything to hold her there. What was different was where she walked afterwards. It was in the direct opposite direction of her usual route.
Eventually, she stopped and waited. And a bit later, she saw Ikari walking towards her.
He had his head cast down and was listening to his SDAT player, so he only noticed her relatively late. He was surprised when he did and quickly pulled the plug out of his right ear. "Ayanami."
She closed the remaining distance between them. "Ikari. I have a question for you."
"A… isn't your apartment the other way?" Ikari wondered. Rei did not answer. That was not the point. After some hesitation, which he used to stop the SDAT player and pack the ear plugs away, Ikari finally continued: "Uh… well, okay. What is it?"
"Why did you enter the volcano?" Rei asked.
"You know that, Ayanami," Ikari answered. "To save you."
"Why?" Rei inquired further.
"I couldn't simply let you die," Ikari claimed.
"Why?" Rei pressed on.
Now Ikari started to sound irritated. "What do you mean, why? I don't understand!"
Rei had thought the question to be perfectly straightforward. She paused, long enough for the conversation to nearly die down. Finally, she continued: "Why was it important for you that I did not die?"
Ikari became even more agitated. "I still don't understand. Do you wish to die?"
"It is irrelevant," Rei replied matter-of-factly.
This took Ikari completely aback. In fact, he literally walked a step backwards. "Irrelevant?"
"Yes," Rei confirmed. "I am replaceable."
She saw how Shinji's right hand moved, alternately forming a fist and relaxing again. For a moment he seemed too overwhelmed to answer. Finally, he did. "… Replaceable. Why would you say that?" His voice got louder. "You shouldn't say such things."
"...I see," Rei merely answered. Then I won't say it anymore.
Ikari was breathing heavily now. "Ayanami… " he managed to press forth. He spoke carefully now, measuring every word. "If I had been in that volcano, and you standing guard, would you have saved me?"
"If I had been ordered to," Rei confirmed.
"And if you hadn't?" Ikari inquired. "Or if Misato had ordered you to stay away?"
Then I would not have. That was the truth, but… somehow Rei did not like this truth. She... appreciated what Ikari had done, even though it had made little difference. With or without that action, there would still have been a Rei Ayanami. What was important was not that Ikari had allowed her to live, something that was ensured anyway, but that he had in fact protected her. The thought of her not doing the same for him filled her with a strange sort of disdain.
"At Mt Asama, I would have stayed away then," she finally admitted.
"At Mt Asama…?" Shinji echoed.
"You said you would protect me," Rei answered. "From now on, I will protect you."
She did not know for sure what she meant by that, did not know what this would entail. The thought of not obeying orders was strange and uncomfortable to her. After all, the Scenario had to come first, always. Maybe there was nothing she could do to protect him. Yet, she had found it necessary to reassure him of this. And she did truly want to protect him, the way he had protected her.
Without a further comment she turned around, and walked back towards school. It was time to return to her apartment.
After the combat at the volcano, Shinji had wished a return to normalcy. More angels would come, of course, but maybe they would take their time. And in the meanwhile, he would be able to return to his usual state of not caring about most anything around him, not his surroundings, not his circumstances, not the people around him... even though he had to admit he had already come to care about more people here than at any other point in his young life as far as he could remember back. However, that peace of mind, that comforting daily routine, did not come. Right now, Shinji felt nearly as agitated as he had the day before, at Mt Asama.
Replaceable? What does she mean by that?
Shinji had accepted that he could die in EVA combat. Even now, despite all of Misato's protest, he did not consider that to be such a big deal after all. He was slowly beginning to consider that maybe it was, that maybe if he died others would after all mourn for him. But even in his worst state he would never have considered himself replaceable. Expendable, maybe, but even then his loss would have meant something, would leave behind a world changed at least microscopically by his death.
But replaceable? To think one's own death would have no impact at all? Is that what they do to EVA pilots? Is that how an ideal EVA pilot looks to them? He was coming around to the thought that maybe Misato did care about him as more than just a pilot for her war, as more than just a tool, but sometimes he still doubted, and he was pretty certain that was how his father saw him. And Ayanami fulfils these expectations perfectly.
A tinge of despair had come up inside him during the conversation. He hoped his final question had reached Ayanami. He had thought that presenting her with a reversal of roles would finally bring his point across to her. And maybe it had; she had promised to protect him, so maybe she could see why he would want to protect her. Oddly, even though it was just a promise, and despite the circumstances of it, that promise made him feel... comfortable. Ayanami spoke rarely, so when she did her words had weight.
But he had also promised to protect her. And he thought about that as he watched Ayanami leaving.
I did promise that. Or told her, at least. I... I need to try, at least.
He began running, after her.
"Ayanami!" he shouted.
The girl came to a halt, but did not turn around. Shinji used the time to slow down and catch his breath.
"Ayanami… does that mean I also have to protect you from yourself?" he asked.
Cicadas form a nearby park were chirping in the background.
"I don't understand," Ayanami finally replied.
"I can't protect you if don't even care to be protected," Shinji told her.
Again, Ayanami was quiet for a long time. When she answered, it was a whisper, but Shinji could still hear it: "But I do."
She walked on, leaving him behind.
Things still felt tense to Shinji the next day. He knew he should not make himself a target for his friends' jokes, but he caught himself glancing over to Ayanami several times during classes. What she had told him simply unsettled him. It was not right that anyone should think of themselves in such a way. He wished he could do something to make her change her perception... but he knew fully well he certainly was not the person to do such a thing. Walking up to Ayanami and talking about serious topics with her? Him speaking about self-value? The thought alone was absurd.
As for the fellow EVA pilot herself, she seemed to be, once again, back to her normal self. He did not once catch her paying attention to him. That's probably the best way to deal with this all. Pretending it never happened. It was easy enough for Shinji to blend out his surroundings; over the years he had gotten quite skilled at it. He would easily be able to blend out a single conversation; to blend out Ayanami. He certainly managed to entirely ignore Touji's and Kensuke's teasing; at the end of the school day he could honestly not even recall what exactly they had said.
However, that strategy proved to be unworkable. For one thing, a blue-haired girl he had rescued once already and who was his initial reason for piloting EVA was a bit harder to ignore than his friends. And more importantly in practical terms, he and Ayanami would see each other even outside school at least weekly in synch tests. And as it turned out, it was really difficult to ignore Ayanami when she was two steps below oneself on the insanely long escalator and one had nowhere to escape to.
Even now, she did not regard him. Shinji was unsure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. At least she isn't showing any sign of displeasure. It meant that, at the very least, he had not screwed things up completely two days before. That was actually somewhat reassuring.
Still, the unresolved ambiguity nagged at him.
"Uh, Ayanami..." It had come out of his mouth before he could even think.
"Yes?" the blue-haired girl answered without turning around.
Ah, damn. What do I say now? This was awkward and it became intensely awkward as time passed by without Shinji saying anything. He felt hot.
"I..." he finally managed to say. "I'm sorry. It's nothing."
She simply nodded and kept looking ahead.
Huh. She really doesn't seem to mind...
The synch tests were nothing extraordinary. Dr Akagi was too busy analyzing the data to communicate much more than a grunt of approval now and then, but according to Misato, both Rei's and Shinji's synch rates were stable. Both had even improved, but by less than one percent point. It was not a stellar result, but it did mean both were deployable once the next angel would come around, and as far as NERV was concerned that was all that mattered. Shinji as well did not have any big aspirations concerning his synch-rate; after all he was merely doing his job – and then that job only because nobody else could.
He even told Misato so at one point. The Captain was visibly upset about that attitude, as Shinji could see in his entry plug's comm screen. However, all she replied was: "I know, Shinji. And I'm sorry about that. But as for synchronization... we don't ask you to make an effort for our sake, but for yours. You know how important a proper synchronization can be in combat."
Last time she had screamed at him that such an attitude would get him killed. It was after that that he had run away. In the days afterwards she had treated Shinji very carefully, as if she were walking on eggshells. Over time she had settled into her usual casual self again, but notably, she had not screamed at him once since then. Or even only so much as made a true demand, instead of 'requests'. The end result was still the same, of course, but Shinji appeciated that behaviour. Misato seemed to mean well.
"I know you're on cooking duty this evening," Misato continued, "But you know what, I think I can take over for you."
Shinji nearly jumped up from his plug seat. "There... there really is no need, Misato! It isn't a bother!"
"You shouldn't do that, Misato" Shinji heard Dr Akagi mutter in voice-only, "He needs to concentrate. His synch-rate just dropped by two point six. Not that I can blame him, what with your threat."
"Hey!" Misato shouted.
"Rate rising again," Dr Akagi reported as if she had not heard the Captain.
Shinji smiled and began to concentrate again.
There was not much talk apart from this, and certainly no more private talk. Rei spoke only rarely anyway, and the only time Dr Akagi was not fully professional was when she could make barbs aimed at Misato.
At least this professionalism and efficiency allowed for the tests to end in a timely manner. Once home, Shinji would have more than enough time for his homework and some free time. And maybe Misato would actually not speed on the way home... Yeah, right. The Captain was an excellent driver, as her car-based rescue of Shinji from Sachiel's attacks had shown, but her attitude towards regulations and speed limits was rather cavalier.
The next day at school, it seemed things were finally returning to the sort of peaceful, eventless normalcy Shinji craved. The teachers were droning on about their lectures, or in at least one case veered wildly offtopic to talk about their youth, Kensuke and Touji talked about irrelevancies, and Ayanami simply kept looking out of the window.
So it came as a sort of surprise that on his way back home, he again spotted the blue-haired girl standing on the pavement, obviously waiting for him.
"Deja vu," Shinji muttered.
"Ikari," she greeted him as he came closer. "I have a question."
"Again?" Shinki asked back, but it was in a good-natured tone. "Is this going to become a routine?" Rei just tilted her head. Shinji smiled in response. "Nevermind. What's on your mind?"
"Why do you pilot EVA?" Ayanami inquired.
Shinji let out a small sigh before smiling tolerantly. "You don't do light questions, do you, Ayanami? Well, I..." He hesitated. That question had after all been rather contentious not all too long ago. "I pilot Unit 01 because nobody else can. Well, I heard you can, maybe, but you're needed in Unit 00."
"Is that all there is to it?" Ayanami asked further.
"Pretty much," Shinji confirmed. "If I don't pilot, NERV will have one EVA less operational. That... that is something that can get people killed."
As he was saying that, Shinji wondered if that really was all there was to it. After all, he had not chosen to stay in Tokyo-3 during a battle, but afterwards. When he could have gone away while nothing was on the line. And yet he had decided to stay.
"So you feel the bond as well," Ayanami commented and nodded slightly.
"The... bond?" Shinji asked.
"The bond to people," Ayanami explained. "To all of humanity. It is why I pilot EVA. Why I trust your father." She paused. "You should as well."
"Why?" Shinji simply asked. Reversed roles.
But Rei just looked down. She did not seem to have an answer for it. Finally she asked back: "Why do you distrust your father?"
"He never gave me reason to do otherwise," Shinji answered. He hoped to sound defiant but feared he sounded whiny. "When my mother died, he abandoned me. I didn't hear from him for ten years. When I do, it's a letter telling me to come here, no details. And when I do, I find out I am supposed to go into war for him!"
"Your presence became necessary, when..." Rei tried to explain.
"I know!" Shinji interrupted her forcefully. "And I don't care. When I saw EVA-01 for the first time... I didn't want to pilot it. He must have foreseen that. He let you be carted in in order to blackmail me."
"I was brought in in order to pilot EVA-01, if you had refused," Rei stated.
"Nonsense," Shinji objected. His father - that was a topic that really could break through his normally so calm nature. "You were in no condition to pilot anything. And Father certainly knew that. The only reason you were brought to the EVA cages is so that I would see you."
Ayanami's reaction was nearly invisible. She blinked, and that was all. But that alone was a notable difference from her usually completely blank expression. And it took a while before she said: "What your Father does, he does for a reason. But this is hard to see. I understand."
Shinji scoffed. "I am here all day if he wants to explain his reasons to me. But he never talks to me. Except to give me orders."
"I see," Ayanami just replied. "I hope I have not given offense."
She was about to turn around, but Shinji intervened: "Wait, Ayanami. Why would you think so?"
"My questions caused you distress," she explained.
"No!" Shinji protested, but then had to relativize this: "...well, okay. Maybe a bit. But... I can't talk with others about that. Misato, maybe, but even she... it's good to have someone to talk to. Maybe it's good that someone asks such question, so that one can get a clearer picture of things."
Ayanami nodded agreement.
An awkward silence ensued, until Shinji spoke again: "Uh, I suppose... I'll see you in school again tomorrow, Ayanami?"
The girl nodded again and turned around to go.
Having someone to talk to... to ask those questions... that was a new concept to Shinji. He could not talk about NERV stuff with Kensuke and Touji, and besides he questioned how seriously they would take certain topics. As for Misato... she meant well, but Shinji was still somewhat unsure about her reactions. Besides, she also was his Operational Director. She was in a completely different spot than him.
But Ayanami... he could be sure with her. She did not seem to take offence and she genuinely did not seem to judge. He might not always like her answers, but they would be the same with or without him. He felt he could not screw this up, and that was an immensely relieving thought for someone like him.
The next day, Friday, Ayanami had cleaning duty after class. She would not appear once again on Shinji's way back home. Shinji considered that as he left the school yard... and then took the way opposite to where he would normally go. It was his turn to wait.
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Chapter 3 - Asuka strikes!
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
The bell rang for the final time of the day. Shinji's lip curled up slightly as he saw from the corner of his eye that, contrary to all good manners, Ayanami was already grabbing the book on her table as she was still bowing. He himself took some more time to pack in his belongings. After all, Ayanami would need some head start.
A fact that, unfortunately, was not lost on others.
"So, NERV stuff again, huh?" Kensuke asked ironically.
"You already made that joke yesterday," Shinji, slightly irritated, reminded him
"I'm telling you, Kensuke, you're not thinking this through," Touji spoke up. "Ain't you supposed to be the all scientific guy and stuff? The more interest Shinji shows in other girls, the less interest he'll have in Misato. That's just logic, man."
Kensuke seemed to seriously ponder this. "I suppose you have a point there."
"Seriously, man," Touji addressed Shinji again. "You think we can hang out again after school again at some point? You seem seriously busy these days."
"Yeah. 'Busy'," Kensuke repeated drily.
Shinji thought about that. It would be a bit weird to walk towards Misato's apartment, only to then turn back and head for the city centre, but it would certainly be doable. "Sorry about that. Uh... I'm pretty far ahead with homework, actually, so... we could meet at the mall in an hour or so?"
"In an hour?" Kensuke echoed. "Why do you need..."
"Sounds like a plan," Touji cut in. "Don't you still have some arcade records to break, Kensuke?"
Kensuke looked slightly surprised, but then shrugged with a smile. "See you in an hour then."
Shinji was surprised as well, but decided not to looked a gift horse in the mouth. "Till then," he merely replied, and walked off.
Two weeks had passed since the operation at Mt Asama. And for the past week, the only day when Ayanami had not appeared on Shinji's walk back home was when both had synch tests. It was not like they talked much. Their conversations did not grow longer than the previous ones. Ayanami would ask him about his contacts with Touji and Kensuke, or he would ask her what she meant about her 'bond with the people' – that one had turned out to become a rather strange conversation that he still did not understand. And as soon as the initial question was answered, Ayanami would turn around and leave.
Shinji did not mind. Short as these moments were, they were the only opportunity for him to talk about some of those things which he could not discuss with others. His fear at sorties (Ayanami claimed to have none). Him so suddenly being caught up in a war (Ayanami advised him to simply keep to his orders and disregard the bigger picture). The absurd contrast between fighting such a war and then going to school again (for Ayanami, it was all the same). Sometimes Shinji felt he could not get his point across, but that did not matter. Whatever he did, it seemed impossible to upset or offend Ayanami. That was something important to him.
That she went through life seeing little difference between combat training, school and free time was a little bit disconcerting. Ayanami was odd, that much was certain. But Shinji did not mind that, either. As long as he could talk with her, she could grow wings with eyes on them as far as he was concerned. He grinned slightly. She had answered that question, about his contrasts in daily life, the day before. He probably should let her ask something again, and he was somewhat curious what she would come up with.
Then he stopped. Every day, Ayanami had stood at the same position, practically exact to the metre. The first two times he had been surprised to see her standing there. Now he was surprised to not see her there.
Something vibrated in his pocket. He took out his phone and found a message from NERV. He sighed. He would have to cancel Touji and Kensuke. And he was not sure how they would take him citing NERV as reason.
Shinji had never been inside this particular room of the NERV headquarters: A small conference room that had been placed seemingly randomly inside a bloc of barely used laboratories. He would not be surprised if the headquarters had rooms, blocs and entire wings entirely forgotten and abandoned. Choosing such a room at random seemed like just the thing NERV would do.
Ayanami had already been inside the room when he arrived. Finally, he asked: "Do you know what this is about?"
The bluenette shook her head.
The mystery was solved when Misato entered the room... and at her side, a girl Shinji did not know. She was of similar height to him, and looked mostly European – definitely a foreigner. Both her facial structures and especially her long, red hair made this abundantly clear. And what a face it was! The, frankly too bright, illumination of the room shined on a lively, determined expression. Meanwhile, her body was quite positively accentuated by a light yellow summer dress.
It took a while until Shinji's brain kicked into gear. Wait. Why did they let a foreign girl of my age enter the Geofront?
By that time, Misato and the girl had reached Shinji and Ayanami. "Sorry for calling you here so abruptly, Shinji, Rei," Misato addressed them in a bright voice. "There was a... communication failure." Her tone, which her forced cheerfulness could not quite suppress, made it clear she was going to have words with whoever was responsible for that. "I would have liked to tell you earlier, but we're getting reinforcements. Meet Asuka Langley Soryu... the Second Child." Second...Child? Sure, Shinji knew there had to be one, seeing as he was the Third Child. But he had never really considered that. "She is from Germany, where she grew up and trained most her life as EVA pilot. Asuka, this is Rei Ayanami, officially designated as First Child, pilot of EVA-00, the prototype. And this is Shinji Ikari, officially designated as Third Child, pilot of EVA-01."
"Ikari?" Asuka echoed. "Isn't that the name of the top honcho around here?"
"Gendo Ikari is the supreme commander of NERV," Misato answered, adding quietly and drily: "Even if your branch tends to forget that at times. Anyway, Shinji is his son."
"His son, huh?" Asuka echoed. "Well, that explains it. Nepotism."
"Uh..." Shinji almost felt like raising his hand in order to get to speak at all, but he managed to suppress that reflex. "Explain what, exactly?"
"How you could defeat two angels despite supposedly having no training at all!" Asuka exclaimed. "So your father did let you train with your EVA, didn't he?"
"You... heard of that?" was all Shinji could muster as response. Then he realized the verbal context. "Uh – about the angels, I mean!"
"Yes, I'm sure you want to brag about that," Asuka stated dismissively, waving her right hand. "But I already read the reports. They did not quite seem believable to me."
"Now, now, Asuka," Misato chimed in. "You three will soon start training together, and fight together as well. So we should all be a bit more cooperative."
Looks to me we are already fighting together... Shinji was surprised himself how annoyed he was about that. It was not like he normally cared what people said about him.
"Hmmm," Asuka muttered. "I suppose you're right. We are EVA pilots after all. The elite of the elite." She shot a glare to Shinji. "Even if some here may not deserve that honour, but I will give them a gracious chance to prove themselves."
"Prove ourselves?" Shinji exclaimed. "What about you, Soryu?"
"Sor... oh, right. Japan. So bothersome." Asuka stated, rolling her eyes. Shinji had no idea what she was talking about. "Well, to answer your question, that's why I'm here, dummy. Why don't you show it to them, Misato?"
Misato sighed. "Well, that is indeed why we chose that room." She pointed to a large screen behind Shinji and Ayanami. "If you'll direct your attention to there..." She held up a remote and pressed a button. The screen lighted up and showed a giant robot. An EVA, but not one Shinji had ever seen. It had four eyes and was painted red all over. It also seemed to stand on a ship and, strangely enough, to wear a sort of grey cape. What?
"That is Evangelion Unit 02, Asuka's EVA," Misato explained. "The U.N. Pacific Fleet was sent to transport it to here from Europe. They were... not very happy about that." Oh gods, I can't tell this to Kensuke. He'll burst from so much 'I told you so'. "Shortly outside the territorial waters of Japan, the fleet was attacked by a fish-shaped Angel, now designated 'Gaghiel'. Asuka chose to fight it, despite a lack of orders to do so," The redhead defiantly raised her head and harumphed. "and... well, see for yourself."
And so they did. It was a recording of the fight. EVA-02 jumped from ship to ship, and got in position on the largest one, a carrier. Planes were tumbling into the water on all sides as it moved. A giant fish, larger even than the EVA, came jumping out of the water several times, lunging at it. And every time, the EVA managed to evade the angel, seemingly with ease. While Soryu apparently did not care for collateral damage, she was never hectic or panicky. The movements of her EVA were always smooth and well coordinated. Finally, at the fourth jump, she grabbed the angel and slashed her prog-knife all over its underside. Then cannons started firing. After the smoke had cleared, EVA-02 rammed its knife into the angel one last time... and it was over.
"Amazing," Shinji muttered. It was true he had defeated Shamshel (he did not really count Sachiel as a victory for himself), but that had been a panicked, desperate fight that could very well have ended in his death. It was no comparison to what he was seeing on the screen. "Simply amazing."
Ayanami looked numbly ahead, at the screen, and did neither move nor comment.
This was the Third Child everyone back at home was talking about? The guy who, supposedly, got into an EVA with no prior training, got a better synchro-rate than the First Child on the spot, and then defeated that angel despite neither having seen an EVA before nor having heard about angels before?
That just could not be right. Shinji Ikari seemed to stammer more than he actually talked. Asuka had prepared herself for a tough challenge in Japan – not so much defeating the angels, as rather besting that Third Child. She had foreseen a difficult task, but that had never deterred her before. She had never held any doubt she would win that challenge. There only was one best EVA pilot in the world, and that was the great Asuka Langley-Soryu. It was just logical that the world would not hand her that title on a silver platter, but that she would have to earn it, to show the world.
Now, she did not know what to think. Sure, her challenge had just become that much easier: The Third Child was nothing more than a dullard who had gotten the job due to family connections. But at the same time, that such a person could ever have threatened her position at all was slightly insulting. She had always imagined the Japanese pilots to be much similar to her. She did not mind if others competed with her, if others coveted the same spot as her. In her conception of the world, that was only natural, after all. Everybody wanted to be number one. She would always succeed, but others were welcome to try. However, it appeared the reality was rather starkly different, with one of the Japanese pilots being a dullard and the other one... well, the other one as well. The girl had not spoken a single syllable since Asuka had entered the room.
And what is it with that blue hair? I thought such things wasn't allowed at Japanese schools? Which is ridiculous as hell. And thinking of which, why is she wearing a school uniform? Ugh, so is he, isn't he? Just great. School uniforms, what nonsense!
At least the Third Child, Shinji, looked duly impressed with her combat footage.
As that footage ended, Misato announced: "When the next angel hits, we intend to employ you together. All three EVAs. No sense in holding back, is there?"
"I shall endeavour to make up for any potential shortcomings of my colleagues," Asuka declared haughtily.
"Same here," the First Child, Rei, stated.
Everyone, including Asuka, whirled their heads around to her. In Asuka's case it was due to outrage. How dare she? I don't fall short! In the case of Shinji and Misato, it seemed to be utter surprise.
"Ah, very well then," Misato said somewhat awkwardly. "I think we should grab a bite. There's a cafeteria nearby, why don't we go there?"
"It can only be better than what they call 'food' on those American ships," Asuka muttered. She had a certain feeling she was going to miss that kind of food after some weeks in Japan, but it still had been an insult to her sensibilities. So, without awaiting a further word from Misato or her fellow pilots, she turned around and decisively walked off. Misato followed her with a sigh.
Out in the corridor, Asuka looked behind to see Shinji and Rei were walking behind Misato. Rei looked completely expressionless, while Shinji looked sullen. What's up with him? Yet again she wondered how such a person could ever have become EVA pilot. If she had the same attitude as him, she would never come above a 30% synchrorate. And yet, according to the reports, he had managed 40% without prior training!
Bullshit. All bullshit.
The cafeteria rammed home the point that yes, she had definitely arrived in Japan. Everything they had there seemed to come with rice. Not that Asuka necessarily minded, but she did wonder how any people could eat so much rice throughout the whole day. Fries every day aboard the American fleet had been bad enough, but at least that had been only once per day. She hoped she would not tire too quickly of this, but realistically, she gave herself about one or two months at most.
She sat down on a table next to Misato, opposite to Shinji and Rei. Her facial expression darkened when she saw what Misato had on her dining tray.
"Jesus, Misato, es is nich ma..." she began. It was Misato, after all. She was used to speaking German when addressing her.
"Japanese, please, Asuka," Misato chirped. "Poor Shinji here probably just understood warglbargl or something like that."
"Very funny," Asuka replied, now in Japanese. She had grown up with both, after all, and English as well. She turned to Shinji and spoke deceptively sweetly. "So for your sake then. I was about to tell our dear Captain here," she turned back to Misato and raised her voice volume considerably, "that it isn't even 3 PM! I know from painstaking experience that 'you're on duty' doesn't help with you, but jeez!" She turned to her fellow pilots. "Why haven't you said anything?"
"I've kinda given up on that," Shinji answered quietly. Rei simply ate, slowly lifting and lowering her spoon with an almost mechanical precision.
"Relax, Asuka," Misato told her. "There's nothing planned for today anymore. Besides, you do know me. Do you think a single beer will have any effect on me?"
"Yes," Asuka replied darkly. "It'll make you get another one."
Shinji snickered. Oh, so he does have some humour in him. The same could not be said for Rei, though, who simply continued eating like she was a damn robot. What's wrong with her?
Misato gave her best impression of a -_- smilie. "Two beers still won't..." she began, but she stopped when two arms snaked themselves around her upper body.
"She's right, you..." a male voice began – which soon turned into a grunt.
Misato gripped the seat of a chair and bent forwards, ramming the hind legs of the chair against the legs of the person suddenly behind her. Then she grabbed one of his arms and yanked it downwards, eliciting yet another painful grunt. Finally she whirled around to face her attacker.
Asuka recognized him first, though. "Kaji!" she exclaimed. "There you are!"
Finally a sane person besides me here. And one of her favourite people in general, if not currently the favourite. Truth be told, after hearing of the exploits of the Third Child, she had imagined the pilot to be somewhat of a miniature version of Kaji. Someone strong. Kaji was not muscular or large, though; at least Asuka, having grown up in Germany, did not think so. He was not a knight in shining armour, nothing as boring and bland. Rather, he was wiry and cunning and charming like a rogue, something subtly stressed by his beard stubbles.
Misato narrowed her eyes; clearly she had recognized him as well... and then she still punched him right in the face. Kaji took a step back and held his nose. "Touch me again and I'll break your nose, Ryoji Kaji!" she hissed. "What the hell are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to still be in Germany?"
Kaji now rubbed his nose with his right hand. Beneath that hand, he grinned. "And leave Asuka to the tender mercy of American and Russian sailors? What sort of guardian do you think I am, Misato?"
As if to underline his words, Asuka walked over to him, took his arm and shot glares at Misato. Not that she really condoned Kaji's flirty behaviour with other women herself, but she had to make clear on whose side she was. His stress on just being her guardian was not entirely to her liking, but it was nothing big – it just meant she had to invest more work into him. Meanwhile, Shinji looked at the scene with eyes large as soup plates. Rei just calmly continued eating, not even looking up.
Misato scoffed. "So you're a good guardian. Congratulations. Must be the first thing in your life you've ever been good at."
Kaji just grinned again, now openly. His nose still glowed red, but that did not seem to bother him "Would you seriously deny that I'm a good connoisseur of women?"
"You little..." Misato shouted, her head red like a tomato, and her mind obviously bluescreenining due to her anger.
Kaji walked to the head of the table, Asuka in tow, and looked at Shinji. "You're living with Misato, aren't you, Shinji?"
"You... you know my name?" Shinji asked back. How lame!
"There are only three EVA pilots worldwide," Kaji pointed out. "I know Rei here as well." He patted the bluenette slightly on the head; that did not deter her at all from continuing to use her spoon as if it were a robot arm. "Reports about your exploits have been making the rounds in NERV Germany. Soloing two angels with no prior training and saving a fellow pilot from death – that's nothing to sneeze at."
Asuka's face darkened. Kaji as well now? Could those fools finally stop for once with 'Shinji this, Third Child that'? It's seriously pissing me off!
"Everyone would have helped Ayanami out," Shinji mumbled. He almost sounded like he was apologizing for his successes, which only served to further annoy Asuka. First he completely outdoes me, and then he doesn't even want that success? Just you wait, Third, I'll show you! Kaji will be praising me soon enough! "And I didn't even do anything in my first fight except stumbling out of the EVA elevator. Dr Akagi said the EVA moved on its own when it defeated the angel."
"Ah yes, I've been meaning to check on good old Rits'," Kaji answered. "But you did defeat the second angel, didn't you?"
"He already had some training at that point," Asuka pointed out. It seemed to her people were blowing Shinji's exploits out of all proportions.
"And it was just luck," Shinji added. "Some seconds more, and my EVA would have run out of energy."
"How careless of you!" Asuka chided him.
Kaji shrugged. "Whatever your battle plan was, it evidently worked." He put his hands on the table and leaned forwards. "Here's a tip, kid: Never sell yourself short." He looked over to Misato and grinned. "The ladies are always ready to hear heroic tales of high deeds done." The Captain scoffed at that, crossed her arms and pointedly looked away from him. Kaji turned back to the Third Child "So tell me, Shinji... Does Misato still sleep sprawled all over the bed?"
Asuka jumped from his side and looked at him mouth agape. Misato's face looked the same. Rei, of course, continued eating.
And Shinji, that idiot, did not even seem to realize what was going on. "Whenever I have to wake her she does," he simply replied, an apologetic smile on his face. "And I have to do that often, come to think of it, she never listens to her..."
Finally, Misato had found her voice again. She jumped up from her chair and shouted "What the hell are you thinking? And in front of the children no less!"
Shinji looked confused. "What do you mean, in front of us no less?" Misato looked at him dismayed. Asuka's palm went to her face. How can anyone be so naïve and clueless? Is he really fourteen?
"Indeed, Misato, whatever do you mean?" Kaji asked all too innocently. "Your health is important to me. You should sleep well. And I do have one or two tricks for you that could help you there."
I'm betting D-Mark to Yen Shinji still has no idea what's going on.
Misato ground her teeth and managed to press out: "If all you're going to do is make unfunny jokes, then I'd suggest..."
"Actually, I am here as Asuka's guardian," Kaji interrupted her, suddenly sounding surprisingly serious. "We booked a hotel room for her for the night, but that's no permanent solution, of course. She needs accommodation."
Misato sat down again "That's... surprisingly sensible of you, Kaji. Yes, she does. I assume you will soon return to Germany?"
"Not... exactly," Kaji replied. "If you wish, I can take her in as soon as I've found an apartment, no problem. I just wanted to ask you before, since I'm not accredited with the local NERV branch and all."
Misato's face darkened. "If you are a security risk, we already screwed up back in Germany, anyway. And why would you stay here?"
Kaji grinned his rogueish grin. "Haven't you ever heard of operational security? I need to leave some surprises I can spring at you. Very well then, Asuka, seems like you'll be staying at that hotel for a while. I'll inform you as soon as I've found something."
Asuka watched the piece of clothing in her hands with a certain disgust. A school uniform...
She was still at best half-convinced to actually go to school at all. Kaji had offered to not enrol her at all; since she already had a college degree this probably would not run afoul of the law and besides, nobody would dare touch NERV, anyway. However, he had strongly advised she should go anyway. For one thing, she really needed to learn kanji, now that she lived in Japan. And second, there was the issue of social contacts.
Asuka had scoffed at that idea. She had gone through college, actually, so what could kids her own age offer her? Kaji had pointed out that even in college she had had some contacts, and besides, she had been heavily involved with NERV in Germany, having been the only EVA pilot there. Here, she would have no such contacts and probably only do combat and synch training at NERV. Without school, what would she even do all day long? Plus, her experiences and status would give her a certain social edge at school.
She had to admit Kaji had a point there. She knew how far ahead she was of her age peers, but that meant she could at least get some proper admiration out of them. It was of course silly to go to school again just to learn kanji; a private tutor specialized in just that would be the more practical solution. And the idea that fighting angels would basically be an after-school part-time job was absurd. Instead, school would be a game, nothing more. The funny thing was that, after all, she had nothing to lose. She did not need to fear bad grades or, in fact, even suspension. She already had a degree; there was literally nothing they could do to her. So she might as well go there, play the grand social game, and not give a damn about anything else.
But apparently part of that game was that damnable school uniform.
She had considered alternatives. She could simply refuse to wear it altogether. That certainly would give her a very unique style, mark her as someone special, someone with convictions. But it was too blunt. They would maybe, as a transfer student, let her get away with that for two, three days. Then reprimands would come and eventually they would suspend her. So she could simply stay away from school altogether rather than choosing this strategy. And besides, she would already stand out anyway, what with being an attractive, red-haired foreigner and EVA pilot, so this would be completely unnecessary.
A second idea had been to technically keep to clothing regulations, but to subvert them whenever she could, by using non-standard hair-dos and accessories and lots of make-up. Going for the whole 'delinquent' look. That could in fact work, but she was in Japan here, not in Germany. Rebels were only looked up to so much, especially if they were girls. In this annoyingly conformist and sexist society, going for the 'delinquent' look would probably completely sabotage her efforts at the social game.
She sighed. So plain school uniform it was then. What utter nonsense. One would be very hard pressed to find any school in Germany, including private schools, that used uniforms. Maybe there was not a single one. So this issue was even something that went beyond just the 'normal' 'Western'/Japanese divide. To Asuka, school uniforms did not represent a status as schoolgirl, or cuteness or anything along those lines, but just mindless drone behaviour. Uniformity, like in the military. And she saw herself as a warrior, not as a soldier. She was not just a lowly grunt.
At least the local school uniform was okay. It was not very stylish, but Asuka had seen how certain "stylish" or "cute" school uniforms looked like. Personally, she had no problems with light and revealing clothing – when she chose to wear it. That was always good for a laugh, in fact; back at university, the boys, the young adults, would do their damnedest not to look at her, a minor so much younger than them, during the hottest days. She had been an early bloomer, after all. However, baring half her legs due to regulations, that would be just demeaning.
She sighed again and put on the uniform. It was time to go to battle.
Even though she had never really practised them, at least she knew Japanese customs and etiquettes. Things like bowing to each other or to the teacher were not completely alien to her. Her mother had taught her about such things, even though she had grown up in Germany herself. The memories of those lessons were very faint and far away, but the lessons themselves had stuck. She still found most of the stuff silly, but she could go through the motions.
Asuka's hotel was reasonably close to the school, certainly close enough that she could walk. Already outside, the red-haired foreigner in a school uniform drew curious looks; inside the school premises basically every head was turning. Asuka felt a certain annoyance at that, that people basically treated her like an animal in a zoo or a circus show. She fought down that anger, though. She had to give a good first impression to everyone, and besides, she counted on her exotic nature helping her to make contacts. Enduring the numerous stares was the price to pay for that.
She went to the room she had been told was her classroom. So far, there were only a few people there, and they all looked up when she entered. A girl immediately went over to Asuka. She was of a small stature, with brown hair and twin tails. Asuka slightly furrowed her forehead over such an unstylish hairdo. "You must be the new transfer student," the girl said, then paused. "I'm Hikari Horaki, the class representative. I'm pleased to meet you."
The class rep... another one of those silly Japanese ideas. Before she had gone to university, Asuka had been in that role herself. Of course she had been, she had always been popular. But that role had meant something totally different in Germany. In Germany, class reps were elected by the class to represent them against the teachers. In Japan, they were appointed by the teachers to handle the class. They were the teachers' pets. Or, even less charitable, in keeping with the uniforms, the teacher's NCO in the field, as if the school were an army and the students its soldiers. How disdainful.
Still, in Japan, for some unfathomable reason, it seemed to be a respected position even among the students. So it was probably a good idea to get on that girl's good side. "I'm Asuka." She remembered where she was. "Asuka Langley Soryu. I just arrived from Germany."
"You'll be introduced to the class as soon as the first lesson starts," Hikari told her. "I hope you'll find your way around. I can only try to imagine how difficult it must be for a transfer student from abroad. If you have any questions or need any help, feel free to ask me!"
That was an almost professional speech. At least the girl seemed to be competent in her role, regardless of how senseless that role was. "Don't worry about me, I'll get by." Asuka wondered what more she could say. She certainly was not about to ask for help. She could ask how lessons were like here, but then again, she did not really care, after all, seeing as she was only here for kanji and social affairs. Then she noticed the other girl fidgeting. "But you seem to have something on your mind. Out with it, then."
Hikari seemed to be slightly taken aback by Asuka's blunt word choice, but replied: "I apologise if this causes offence, but when I first heard that you were coming from Germany, I feared there could be communication problems. I'm not sure anyone here speaks German..."
Asuka waved her hand dismissively. "My mother was a native speaker. I grew up bilingual. Trilingual, actually. I also speak English, and know enough French to get by."
Hikari looked suitably impressed, which of course made Asuka slightly more favourably inclined towards her. "So your mother is Japanese?"
Her mother really was not a topic Asuka wanted to get into any depth about, so she swiftly tried changing it. "Her father was. Don't worry, I know how to speak Japanese, and for that matter also to behave Japanese well enough, if that is what you're concerned about."
Hikari had the decency to at least blush slightly. "I'm sorry. I was. You understand, there are many situations when..."
"Yes, yes, I understand well enough," Asuka interrupted her. "Ah, is that the teacher?"
"It is!" Hikari confirmed and rushed over to her place, ready to perform her function.
Isn't that…
Shinji had spent way too much time on preparing food for the day, and had made it to the classroom only some mere steps before the teacher. Still, he stopped short when he walked through the door. Among all his classmates, one person stood out by the fiery colour of her hair.
Shinji entered dumbfounded when the teacher was right behind him. He wandered over to his desk, his eyes still on Soryu. So she's here as well. It made sense: She appeared to be of similar age to him, and the other two pilots, Ayanami and him, were already in the class, too.
He spent large parts of class glancing over to Soryu, but then, so did basically all his classmates. The boys were more or less openly admiring her; the girls were gossiping. Touji and Kensuke as well seemed to have an intense curiosity about the new girl.
Awkwardly, a few times Soryu looked back at him. And whenever their eyes met he had the feeling hers were shooting daggers at him. Over time, this made Shinji almost afraid to look at her. I must have screwed up. Somewhere. It was the only logical explanation: Somehow he must have pissed off Soryu when they had first met three days ago, and she was still carrying a grudge. He would have dearly liked to know what he did wrong so he could apologize, but then, he would probably screw that up anyway.
Fortunately for him, she ignored him completely during lunch break. Or maybe she simply had no time to spend on him: Surrounded by nearly the whole class, she was far too busy telling them all about herself, something she did with great enthusiasm. Shinji stood a good deal away from that cluster of people, so he only heard bits and pieces. Asuka confirmed nonchalantly that she was an EVA pilot, she effortlessly switched between languages to impress people and even claimed to already just have finished a college degree before departing from Germany. Shinji made a mental note to ask Misato about that.
In any case, there was little doubt now who was suddenly atop the social ladder.
It was only after class that Soryu showed some interest in him, when she overheard a conversation between him and Horaki. The class rep wanted him to take class notes and homework to Ayanami, who had been absent that day.
"Rei Ayanami?" Soryu chimed in. "The First Child? She's in this class as well?"
Shinji nodded. "She's often absent. Doesn't seem to affect her grades, though."
"In exams she's always among the best three or four," Horaki agreed.
Soryu's grin seemed… off. Forced. "Well, then we can't let her illnesses affect her education, right? I think I'll accompany you, Shinji. Rei and I didn't really get a chance to talk when we met at NERV."
Shin...ji? Rei? He felt kind of awkward due to her overly familiar way of addressing him, and he could plainly see so did Horaki, but neither of them commented. She is a foreigner, after all.
A very attractive foreigner who had just asked him to walk with him after school. He gulped.
Horaki had her own take on the suggestion: "That's nice of you to offer, Soryu. I know Ikari is much more… serious than others here" Shinji could hear Soryu mutter That wimp? "but I would feel more comfortable if a girl was to accompany him to another girl's place."
"Splendid," Soryu beamed. She turned to Shinji: "You know the way?"
"Uh, I know her address," he answered. "I've never been in that part of town, but I know where we must go. Theoretically."
"Theoretically?" Soryu echoed. She sighed. "Well, I trust you'll have a better sense of direction than Misato does. Not that this is particularly difficult." Shinji just shrugged and got into motion. "Hey, you can't just run away when a lady has offered to accompany you! Wait up!" Shinji sighed and came to a halt again. It took several minutes before Soryu had finally packed all her things and caught up to him.
They walked in silence for several minutes. Given just how wordy the German girl had been before, this surprised Shinji, but she made no attempts to speak up. Finally, it was him who did: "So, uh… you have a college degree?"
"Yup," Soryu replied with obvious pride in her voice. "Finished it just in time, in fact. Made me miss the first few angels, but hey, I'm sure there are plenty more to come."
What's wrong with her, she's saying that like it's a good thing! But that was not what Shinji asked about: "How… how did that even work? I mean, you're only 14 like me, aren't you?"
Asuka shrugged. "Like that matters. I may be of the same age as you, but I am a genius." She glanced at him sideways. "I brought the papers along to Japan. I can show them to you at my hotel room if you don't believe me."
Shinji raised his hands. "I… I don't think that'll be necessary. I was just surprised, you know. It's not often that one sees 14 year olds with college degrees."
"It's not often that the world sees me," Soryu stated haughtily. They both fell silent for a while, until she spoke up again: "That's why I want to meet with the First. You two may not yet have college degrees, but you are EVA pilots."
"You think that makes us special?" Shinji asked.
Soryu actually stopped to take a look at him, a look of surprise and contempt. "Are you stupid? Of course we are! Three people, among three billion people on Earth! And only we can pilot the Evangelions. It's an ability only we have. Of course that makes us special. If you can't see that… pah!"
She stormed ahead. Shinji had the nagging feeling he had screwed up yet again.
However, she seemed to calm down surprisingly fast. By the time he had caught up to her again, she was asking him about his previous engagements with angels. There was really not much he could tell her about Sachiel, and while he had saved Rei at Mt Asama it was her who had defeated Sandalphon, so he mostly concentrated on Shamshel.
"You let those idiots into your entry plug?" she asked, appalled.
"I had to!" Shinji defended himself. "It was the only way for me not to worry about crushing them."
Soryu wrinkled her nose. "It was their fault for leaving the shelters. They brought you into unnecessary risk."
Shinji shrugged. "I don't mind."
"You should!" Soryu insisted and shook her head. "You really are kinda weak, aren't you?"
Shinji shrugged again. "I suppose so. Sorry." I knew this wouldn't end well.
Soryu rolled her eyes. "Apparently you are. So, how did you defeat the angel with three idiots inside the entry plug then?"
Shinji ignored the stab at him and told her. How he had ignored Shamshel's lashes, how he had simply driven his knife deeper and deeper into his core, how he had managed to break it just before the power had run out on his EVA. Soryu's demeanour did not change; she did not suddenly laud him or anything like it. But at least she did not scold him again, either. Instead, she just kept on asking questions.
When they had finally reached Ayanami's apartment bloc, he found he did not mind simply being called 'Shinji', no matter how inappropriate the address was.
It had taken only a single day for Asuka to reverse her position on the role of class reps in Japan. She had enjoyed all the attention she had been getting, but, Grundgütiger!, were those schoolboys and -girls ever mindless and infantile. And the boys were all perverts; she could still feel their lustful gazes all over her body. Somebody like Hikari, apparently a very resolute girl, was needed to keep them all in line.
And the only one who maybe was not quite like that, who had kept away from that silly gaggle of his classmates, whom even Hikari had called 'more serious' than the rest... was a spineless wimp who apologized for winning a battle against an angel. It really figured. And worst of all, such a person would be fighting alongside her! I should just ask to be deployed solo. This will probably be more productive.
For the moment, she still had some hopes invested into the First Child. Sure, this 'Rei Ayanami' had been nothing short of impertinent at their first meeting at NERV, but Asuka figured she could work with 'impertinent'. Maybe that just showed Rei had the right temperament to be an EVA pilot, someone who took the job seriously and had the proper competitive streak.
Those hopes kind of crumbled when she saw where Rei lived. The endless line of enormous, grey and dull apartment looked like a ghetto to her. The line that still stood, at least. On the other side of the street only the remnants of some walls showed that once there had been buildings there as well.
"What is that god-awful noise?" she complained.
"Construction works," Shinji guessed. "I think they're dismantling the place."
"No shit," Asuka exclaimed. "What gave it away, the ruins? But why are people still living here then? Why is she?"
She gestured at the building in front of them. The wall mantling had been torn up in several places, windows had burst, balcony doors unhinged. In fact, the building seemed entirely abandoned and as if it might be torn down soon as well.
Shinji just shrugged and entered it.
The inside did not look much better. There was litter everywhere and dust. So much dust. Asuka could practically feel the creepy-crawlies skittering everywhere. And yet, this apparently was where Rei lived. Her name was above the door to apartment 402... or at least Asuka assumed so, extrapolating from the kanji she knew. On the other hand, maybe she had not been here for a while: The mail box at the door was flowing over with letters, newspapers, advertisements. Asuka saw two letters with the NERV logo and one with the insignia of the Tokyo-3 municipal government, but even those were unopened.
"So much for just leaving the papers here," she muttered. She had wanted to meet Rei anyway, but now she was not so sure about this prospect anymore. Apparently, Rei had not just behaved like a weirdo at NERV – if she lived here, she was one.
Shinji pressed the door bell. Nothing happened, no sound could be heard. It seemed to be broken. The two pilots looked at each other. Shinji knocked at the door, politely. When that yielded no result, Asuka knocked at the door, violently. Still nothing happened.
"What do we do now?" Shinji muttered.
"Something!" Asuka exclaimed. "I have not come so far out to this post-apocalyptic wasteland just to return without any results. If need be we'll just kick in the door!"
"We can't just do that!" Shinji shouted hastily. "She's probably not here. Maybe she needed to go to a hospital?"
"Don't be so dramatic!" Asuka chided him. She intended to rattle at the door handle... only to discover the door was unlocked. "Let me guess," she muttered quietly. "The lock is broken as well."
She could not help but indulge her curiosity and carefully leaned her upper body through the half-opened door... only to jump back in revulsion. The trail of litter, dust and dirt seamlessly continued inside the apartment.
Shinji used this to take a look himself. He grimaced, but then shouted: "Excuse me. Ayanami, are you home? It's me, Shinji Ikari. And Asuka Soryu." There was no response. After some seconds of hesitation, he stepped in.
"You can't just..." Asuka began, but by then the heavy door was closing already behind Shinji. Asuka pulled it open again and entered behind him.
"Ayanami?" Shinji tried again. When there was no response, he announced: "We're coming in, Ayanami. Sorry if we're disturbing."
He uncomfortably stepped out of his shoes and tried to move through all the dirt on tip-toes. Several marks showed Rei apparently rarely bothered, so Asuka did not remove her shoes, either. She had no intention of getting her socks ruined.
The apartment was a mess. It would already hardly be a pleasant home under better circumstances. The walls were cold stone and metal frames, the lighting seemed to fit better to a storage hall and half of it was broken besides, and it was very cramped: The entrance corridor apparently also served as the kitchen. But worse than that all was the dirt and the sheer mess of things. Even Misato's apartment in Berlin, back when Asuka had lived with her, had never been quite so bad as this. The kitchen sink was full of unwashed dishes, and Ayanami's sleeping room was even worse: The only furniture there was a bed, a single chair, a small refrigerator and some drawers. The heavy curtains were closed, leaving the room dark and even more unappealing. There were blood stains on the bed pillow and a box of used, bloody bandages near the refrigerator. And clothes, clothes everywhere: A school uniform on the bed, socks on a drying ring above it, more socks on the chair, and one opened drawer apparently was full of unsorted underwear.
A bit belated Asuka realized there was an order to things: There was no piece of clothing simply on the floor, the bandages were unhygienic but still all gathered in one places, and even the empty cans were all gathered in a small plastic bag hanging from the refrigerator. How... odd.
"I know those glasses," Asuka heard Shinji muttering. He walked up to the drawers and picked something up from them. Asuka followed to take a look. "Those glasses... just like my father's. Are those hers?"
He tried to put them on. Herr im Himmel, is weirdness a requirement for becoming a Japanese pilot? Asuka tried to grab the glasses. "You can't just pick up other people's things!"
"But..." Shinji tried to defend himself.
"No but!" Asuka insisted and jerked the glasses away from him, yanking them high into the air.
In just that moment there was a rustling sound coming from behind them. Both Asuka and Shinji took a look... and saw Rei standing there. Clothed in nothing more than a short, brown towel around her neck. The other two pilots just froze in mid-movement.
"Wa... was?" Asuka stuttered.
Rei stood in the door frame to her sleeping room for a second, entirely calm and not even trying to hide anything. Then she stepped forwards resolutely and quickly. Shinji jumped backwards, instinctively getting out of the way, but Asuka felt cornered. She had been a six year old piloting a 50m tall warmachine by thought alone, but even so this situation had definitely surpassed her weirdness quotient.
Rei grabbed Asuka's hand... or rather, the glasses inside. Asuka tried to stumble backwards, to get away from this weirdness, but only managed to bounce against the drawers behind her. She lost her footing, tried to regain balance by lunging forwards... and fell into Rei. The nude girl had no way to stop her momentum and fell down, with Asuka on top of her.
Waswaswaswaswaswas.... Asuka's thoughts somersaulted in her head while Rei just lay below her, arms stretched wide on the floor, not moving. Asuka felt hot as blood rushed into her face. This was.... What the fuck was this? What the fuck is this? Why is she just lying there? What do I do now?
"Will you get off?"
What? Rei had said that entirely calmly. It did not even sound like a request, more like a factual question. Only now did Asuka notice where she had fallen, specifically her left hand. Rei's breasts were… well developed.
Asuka jumped off the other girl. She was breaking out in sweat. She felt fooled and trapped. She knew of course there had been no conscious conspiracy between Shinji and Rei, but the result had been much the same. She had only gotten into this stupid situation because Rei could not keep her mail box tidy, because Shinji was too stupid to leave other people's belongings alone and because Rei was a damn exhibitionist. She felt awkward and embarrassed and confused all because those people were so weird and stupid.
With anger welling up inside her, she turned around to face Shinji: "Enjoyed that show, didn't you? Girl on naked girl action, just like in your fantasies, yes? And you just stood there and let this happen! You stupid perverted..."
Soryu raised her hand behind her back. Shinji was expecting the slap to come in any second now. He had of course not intended for any of this to happen, but he did somewhat feel like he would deserve it. It was not proper that he had seen Ayanami like this, and it was understandable that Soryu would feel embarrassed.
He himself felt awkward and confused himself, and to his shame also intensely aroused. Ayanami's body, the way she presented it, and yes, also the way Soryu had ended atop on it… He did not like how it made him feel, but it did make him aroused. One more reason why he thought he deserved punishment. Maybe that would clear some things up; but he feared this incident would make things forever more too awkward between the three pilots.
He flinched and closed his eyes… and the slap did not come. When he looked again, a slender hand had caught Soryu's arm in a surprisingly strong grip from behind.
Apparently still not caring about her state of undress, Ayanami stated calmly: "Do not hurt Ikari."
Soryu freed herself from that grip and whirled around. "What? And get dressed, you shameless…."
"As soon as I have ensured Ikari remains unharmed," Ayanami told her.
Wait what? Shinji could hardly believe that someone would intervene for his sake. That it was Ayanami was pleasant. That she did so in the nude was… not helping any.
"So that's how it is," Asuka muttered darkly. "You're all indecent! That's it! You… you… argh!" And with that she stormed right out of the apartment.
Shinji looked after her, unsure what to do. Ayanami in turn now looked directly at him. Shinji felt trapped, like a deer in the headlights – too shocked to move, definitely too shocked to think. He hated himself for it, but he could not help to keep looking at Ayanami, her shoulders, her breasts, her thighs…You're the worst, Shinji Ikari. Absolutely the worst.
"Why are you here?" Rei finally asked, entirely unperturbed.
That finally got through to Shinji. "I… ah… I was asked… the class rep..."
Calmly, Rei moved around him, to the other side of the bed where she had laid out her clothes, and began to put them on. Shinji forced himself to look away. That… did not go completely successfully.
"I'm here..." He gulped, closed his eyes and sputtered: "ClassrephorakiaskedmetogivetheclassnotesandhomeworktoyouimsorryaboutthisallIjustwantedyoutohavethesepapers!" He hastily opened his school bag and began to rummage inside it. He did not care that a pencil flew out of it when he took out the papers. He simply laid them on Ayanami's bed, half throwing them, and managed despite his best intentions to get a further good look of her unclad back. Then he turned around to run to his shoes. He had not even fully tied them yet when he was already out of the door again.
He shouted Soryu's name several times, hoping to catch up to the German girl, but she seemed far ahead already. He would have liked to at least try to clear up things with her, but apparently he had hesitated too long. Too busy staring at Ayanami's breasts. I am absolutely the worst.
With shaky hands he got his SDAT player out of his school bag, and began to slouch back home.
(Asuka's action technically count as a Rei-huggle, yes?
A fact that, unfortunately, was not lost on others.
"So, NERV stuff again, huh?" Kensuke asked ironically.
"You already made that joke yesterday," Shinji, slightly irritated, reminded him
"I'm telling you, Kensuke, you're not thinking this through," Touji spoke up. "Ain't you supposed to be the all scientific guy and stuff? The more interest Shinji shows in other girls, the less interest he'll have in Misato. That's just logic, man."
Kensuke seemed to seriously ponder this. "I suppose you have a point there."
"Seriously, man," Touji addressed Shinji again. "You think we can hang out again after school again at some point? You seem seriously busy these days."
"Yeah. 'Busy'," Kensuke repeated drily.
Shinji thought about that. It would be a bit weird to walk towards Misato's apartment, only to then turn back and head for the city centre, but it would certainly be doable. "Sorry about that. Uh... I'm pretty far ahead with homework, actually, so... we could meet at the mall in an hour or so?"
"In an hour?" Kensuke echoed. "Why do you need..."
"Sounds like a plan," Touji cut in. "Don't you still have some arcade records to break, Kensuke?"
Kensuke looked slightly surprised, but then shrugged with a smile. "See you in an hour then."
Shinji was surprised as well, but decided not to looked a gift horse in the mouth. "Till then," he merely replied, and walked off.
Two weeks had passed since the operation at Mt Asama. And for the past week, the only day when Ayanami had not appeared on Shinji's walk back home was when both had synch tests. It was not like they talked much. Their conversations did not grow longer than the previous ones. Ayanami would ask him about his contacts with Touji and Kensuke, or he would ask her what she meant about her 'bond with the people' – that one had turned out to become a rather strange conversation that he still did not understand. And as soon as the initial question was answered, Ayanami would turn around and leave.
Shinji did not mind. Short as these moments were, they were the only opportunity for him to talk about some of those things which he could not discuss with others. His fear at sorties (Ayanami claimed to have none). Him so suddenly being caught up in a war (Ayanami advised him to simply keep to his orders and disregard the bigger picture). The absurd contrast between fighting such a war and then going to school again (for Ayanami, it was all the same). Sometimes Shinji felt he could not get his point across, but that did not matter. Whatever he did, it seemed impossible to upset or offend Ayanami. That was something important to him.
That she went through life seeing little difference between combat training, school and free time was a little bit disconcerting. Ayanami was odd, that much was certain. But Shinji did not mind that, either. As long as he could talk with her, she could grow wings with eyes on them as far as he was concerned. He grinned slightly. She had answered that question, about his contrasts in daily life, the day before. He probably should let her ask something again, and he was somewhat curious what she would come up with.
Then he stopped. Every day, Ayanami had stood at the same position, practically exact to the metre. The first two times he had been surprised to see her standing there. Now he was surprised to not see her there.
Something vibrated in his pocket. He took out his phone and found a message from NERV. He sighed. He would have to cancel Touji and Kensuke. And he was not sure how they would take him citing NERV as reason.
Shinji had never been inside this particular room of the NERV headquarters: A small conference room that had been placed seemingly randomly inside a bloc of barely used laboratories. He would not be surprised if the headquarters had rooms, blocs and entire wings entirely forgotten and abandoned. Choosing such a room at random seemed like just the thing NERV would do.
Ayanami had already been inside the room when he arrived. Finally, he asked: "Do you know what this is about?"
The bluenette shook her head.
The mystery was solved when Misato entered the room... and at her side, a girl Shinji did not know. She was of similar height to him, and looked mostly European – definitely a foreigner. Both her facial structures and especially her long, red hair made this abundantly clear. And what a face it was! The, frankly too bright, illumination of the room shined on a lively, determined expression. Meanwhile, her body was quite positively accentuated by a light yellow summer dress.
It took a while until Shinji's brain kicked into gear. Wait. Why did they let a foreign girl of my age enter the Geofront?
By that time, Misato and the girl had reached Shinji and Ayanami. "Sorry for calling you here so abruptly, Shinji, Rei," Misato addressed them in a bright voice. "There was a... communication failure." Her tone, which her forced cheerfulness could not quite suppress, made it clear she was going to have words with whoever was responsible for that. "I would have liked to tell you earlier, but we're getting reinforcements. Meet Asuka Langley Soryu... the Second Child." Second...Child? Sure, Shinji knew there had to be one, seeing as he was the Third Child. But he had never really considered that. "She is from Germany, where she grew up and trained most her life as EVA pilot. Asuka, this is Rei Ayanami, officially designated as First Child, pilot of EVA-00, the prototype. And this is Shinji Ikari, officially designated as Third Child, pilot of EVA-01."
"Ikari?" Asuka echoed. "Isn't that the name of the top honcho around here?"
"Gendo Ikari is the supreme commander of NERV," Misato answered, adding quietly and drily: "Even if your branch tends to forget that at times. Anyway, Shinji is his son."
"His son, huh?" Asuka echoed. "Well, that explains it. Nepotism."
"Uh..." Shinji almost felt like raising his hand in order to get to speak at all, but he managed to suppress that reflex. "Explain what, exactly?"
"How you could defeat two angels despite supposedly having no training at all!" Asuka exclaimed. "So your father did let you train with your EVA, didn't he?"
"You... heard of that?" was all Shinji could muster as response. Then he realized the verbal context. "Uh – about the angels, I mean!"
"Yes, I'm sure you want to brag about that," Asuka stated dismissively, waving her right hand. "But I already read the reports. They did not quite seem believable to me."
"Now, now, Asuka," Misato chimed in. "You three will soon start training together, and fight together as well. So we should all be a bit more cooperative."
Looks to me we are already fighting together... Shinji was surprised himself how annoyed he was about that. It was not like he normally cared what people said about him.
"Hmmm," Asuka muttered. "I suppose you're right. We are EVA pilots after all. The elite of the elite." She shot a glare to Shinji. "Even if some here may not deserve that honour, but I will give them a gracious chance to prove themselves."
"Prove ourselves?" Shinji exclaimed. "What about you, Soryu?"
"Sor... oh, right. Japan. So bothersome." Asuka stated, rolling her eyes. Shinji had no idea what she was talking about. "Well, to answer your question, that's why I'm here, dummy. Why don't you show it to them, Misato?"
Misato sighed. "Well, that is indeed why we chose that room." She pointed to a large screen behind Shinji and Ayanami. "If you'll direct your attention to there..." She held up a remote and pressed a button. The screen lighted up and showed a giant robot. An EVA, but not one Shinji had ever seen. It had four eyes and was painted red all over. It also seemed to stand on a ship and, strangely enough, to wear a sort of grey cape. What?
"That is Evangelion Unit 02, Asuka's EVA," Misato explained. "The U.N. Pacific Fleet was sent to transport it to here from Europe. They were... not very happy about that." Oh gods, I can't tell this to Kensuke. He'll burst from so much 'I told you so'. "Shortly outside the territorial waters of Japan, the fleet was attacked by a fish-shaped Angel, now designated 'Gaghiel'. Asuka chose to fight it, despite a lack of orders to do so," The redhead defiantly raised her head and harumphed. "and... well, see for yourself."
And so they did. It was a recording of the fight. EVA-02 jumped from ship to ship, and got in position on the largest one, a carrier. Planes were tumbling into the water on all sides as it moved. A giant fish, larger even than the EVA, came jumping out of the water several times, lunging at it. And every time, the EVA managed to evade the angel, seemingly with ease. While Soryu apparently did not care for collateral damage, she was never hectic or panicky. The movements of her EVA were always smooth and well coordinated. Finally, at the fourth jump, she grabbed the angel and slashed her prog-knife all over its underside. Then cannons started firing. After the smoke had cleared, EVA-02 rammed its knife into the angel one last time... and it was over.
"Amazing," Shinji muttered. It was true he had defeated Shamshel (he did not really count Sachiel as a victory for himself), but that had been a panicked, desperate fight that could very well have ended in his death. It was no comparison to what he was seeing on the screen. "Simply amazing."
Ayanami looked numbly ahead, at the screen, and did neither move nor comment.
This was the Third Child everyone back at home was talking about? The guy who, supposedly, got into an EVA with no prior training, got a better synchro-rate than the First Child on the spot, and then defeated that angel despite neither having seen an EVA before nor having heard about angels before?
That just could not be right. Shinji Ikari seemed to stammer more than he actually talked. Asuka had prepared herself for a tough challenge in Japan – not so much defeating the angels, as rather besting that Third Child. She had foreseen a difficult task, but that had never deterred her before. She had never held any doubt she would win that challenge. There only was one best EVA pilot in the world, and that was the great Asuka Langley-Soryu. It was just logical that the world would not hand her that title on a silver platter, but that she would have to earn it, to show the world.
Now, she did not know what to think. Sure, her challenge had just become that much easier: The Third Child was nothing more than a dullard who had gotten the job due to family connections. But at the same time, that such a person could ever have threatened her position at all was slightly insulting. She had always imagined the Japanese pilots to be much similar to her. She did not mind if others competed with her, if others coveted the same spot as her. In her conception of the world, that was only natural, after all. Everybody wanted to be number one. She would always succeed, but others were welcome to try. However, it appeared the reality was rather starkly different, with one of the Japanese pilots being a dullard and the other one... well, the other one as well. The girl had not spoken a single syllable since Asuka had entered the room.
And what is it with that blue hair? I thought such things wasn't allowed at Japanese schools? Which is ridiculous as hell. And thinking of which, why is she wearing a school uniform? Ugh, so is he, isn't he? Just great. School uniforms, what nonsense!
At least the Third Child, Shinji, looked duly impressed with her combat footage.
As that footage ended, Misato announced: "When the next angel hits, we intend to employ you together. All three EVAs. No sense in holding back, is there?"
"I shall endeavour to make up for any potential shortcomings of my colleagues," Asuka declared haughtily.
"Same here," the First Child, Rei, stated.
Everyone, including Asuka, whirled their heads around to her. In Asuka's case it was due to outrage. How dare she? I don't fall short! In the case of Shinji and Misato, it seemed to be utter surprise.
"Ah, very well then," Misato said somewhat awkwardly. "I think we should grab a bite. There's a cafeteria nearby, why don't we go there?"
"It can only be better than what they call 'food' on those American ships," Asuka muttered. She had a certain feeling she was going to miss that kind of food after some weeks in Japan, but it still had been an insult to her sensibilities. So, without awaiting a further word from Misato or her fellow pilots, she turned around and decisively walked off. Misato followed her with a sigh.
Out in the corridor, Asuka looked behind to see Shinji and Rei were walking behind Misato. Rei looked completely expressionless, while Shinji looked sullen. What's up with him? Yet again she wondered how such a person could ever have become EVA pilot. If she had the same attitude as him, she would never come above a 30% synchrorate. And yet, according to the reports, he had managed 40% without prior training!
Bullshit. All bullshit.
The cafeteria rammed home the point that yes, she had definitely arrived in Japan. Everything they had there seemed to come with rice. Not that Asuka necessarily minded, but she did wonder how any people could eat so much rice throughout the whole day. Fries every day aboard the American fleet had been bad enough, but at least that had been only once per day. She hoped she would not tire too quickly of this, but realistically, she gave herself about one or two months at most.
She sat down on a table next to Misato, opposite to Shinji and Rei. Her facial expression darkened when she saw what Misato had on her dining tray.
"Jesus, Misato, es is nich ma..." she began. It was Misato, after all. She was used to speaking German when addressing her.
"Japanese, please, Asuka," Misato chirped. "Poor Shinji here probably just understood warglbargl or something like that."
"Very funny," Asuka replied, now in Japanese. She had grown up with both, after all, and English as well. She turned to Shinji and spoke deceptively sweetly. "So for your sake then. I was about to tell our dear Captain here," she turned back to Misato and raised her voice volume considerably, "that it isn't even 3 PM! I know from painstaking experience that 'you're on duty' doesn't help with you, but jeez!" She turned to her fellow pilots. "Why haven't you said anything?"
"I've kinda given up on that," Shinji answered quietly. Rei simply ate, slowly lifting and lowering her spoon with an almost mechanical precision.
"Relax, Asuka," Misato told her. "There's nothing planned for today anymore. Besides, you do know me. Do you think a single beer will have any effect on me?"
"Yes," Asuka replied darkly. "It'll make you get another one."
Shinji snickered. Oh, so he does have some humour in him. The same could not be said for Rei, though, who simply continued eating like she was a damn robot. What's wrong with her?
Misato gave her best impression of a -_- smilie. "Two beers still won't..." she began, but she stopped when two arms snaked themselves around her upper body.
"She's right, you..." a male voice began – which soon turned into a grunt.
Misato gripped the seat of a chair and bent forwards, ramming the hind legs of the chair against the legs of the person suddenly behind her. Then she grabbed one of his arms and yanked it downwards, eliciting yet another painful grunt. Finally she whirled around to face her attacker.
Asuka recognized him first, though. "Kaji!" she exclaimed. "There you are!"
Finally a sane person besides me here. And one of her favourite people in general, if not currently the favourite. Truth be told, after hearing of the exploits of the Third Child, she had imagined the pilot to be somewhat of a miniature version of Kaji. Someone strong. Kaji was not muscular or large, though; at least Asuka, having grown up in Germany, did not think so. He was not a knight in shining armour, nothing as boring and bland. Rather, he was wiry and cunning and charming like a rogue, something subtly stressed by his beard stubbles.
Misato narrowed her eyes; clearly she had recognized him as well... and then she still punched him right in the face. Kaji took a step back and held his nose. "Touch me again and I'll break your nose, Ryoji Kaji!" she hissed. "What the hell are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to still be in Germany?"
Kaji now rubbed his nose with his right hand. Beneath that hand, he grinned. "And leave Asuka to the tender mercy of American and Russian sailors? What sort of guardian do you think I am, Misato?"
As if to underline his words, Asuka walked over to him, took his arm and shot glares at Misato. Not that she really condoned Kaji's flirty behaviour with other women herself, but she had to make clear on whose side she was. His stress on just being her guardian was not entirely to her liking, but it was nothing big – it just meant she had to invest more work into him. Meanwhile, Shinji looked at the scene with eyes large as soup plates. Rei just calmly continued eating, not even looking up.
Misato scoffed. "So you're a good guardian. Congratulations. Must be the first thing in your life you've ever been good at."
Kaji just grinned again, now openly. His nose still glowed red, but that did not seem to bother him "Would you seriously deny that I'm a good connoisseur of women?"
"You little..." Misato shouted, her head red like a tomato, and her mind obviously bluescreenining due to her anger.
Kaji walked to the head of the table, Asuka in tow, and looked at Shinji. "You're living with Misato, aren't you, Shinji?"
"You... you know my name?" Shinji asked back. How lame!
"There are only three EVA pilots worldwide," Kaji pointed out. "I know Rei here as well." He patted the bluenette slightly on the head; that did not deter her at all from continuing to use her spoon as if it were a robot arm. "Reports about your exploits have been making the rounds in NERV Germany. Soloing two angels with no prior training and saving a fellow pilot from death – that's nothing to sneeze at."
Asuka's face darkened. Kaji as well now? Could those fools finally stop for once with 'Shinji this, Third Child that'? It's seriously pissing me off!
"Everyone would have helped Ayanami out," Shinji mumbled. He almost sounded like he was apologizing for his successes, which only served to further annoy Asuka. First he completely outdoes me, and then he doesn't even want that success? Just you wait, Third, I'll show you! Kaji will be praising me soon enough! "And I didn't even do anything in my first fight except stumbling out of the EVA elevator. Dr Akagi said the EVA moved on its own when it defeated the angel."
"Ah yes, I've been meaning to check on good old Rits'," Kaji answered. "But you did defeat the second angel, didn't you?"
"He already had some training at that point," Asuka pointed out. It seemed to her people were blowing Shinji's exploits out of all proportions.
"And it was just luck," Shinji added. "Some seconds more, and my EVA would have run out of energy."
"How careless of you!" Asuka chided him.
Kaji shrugged. "Whatever your battle plan was, it evidently worked." He put his hands on the table and leaned forwards. "Here's a tip, kid: Never sell yourself short." He looked over to Misato and grinned. "The ladies are always ready to hear heroic tales of high deeds done." The Captain scoffed at that, crossed her arms and pointedly looked away from him. Kaji turned back to the Third Child "So tell me, Shinji... Does Misato still sleep sprawled all over the bed?"
Asuka jumped from his side and looked at him mouth agape. Misato's face looked the same. Rei, of course, continued eating.
And Shinji, that idiot, did not even seem to realize what was going on. "Whenever I have to wake her she does," he simply replied, an apologetic smile on his face. "And I have to do that often, come to think of it, she never listens to her..."
Finally, Misato had found her voice again. She jumped up from her chair and shouted "What the hell are you thinking? And in front of the children no less!"
Shinji looked confused. "What do you mean, in front of us no less?" Misato looked at him dismayed. Asuka's palm went to her face. How can anyone be so naïve and clueless? Is he really fourteen?
"Indeed, Misato, whatever do you mean?" Kaji asked all too innocently. "Your health is important to me. You should sleep well. And I do have one or two tricks for you that could help you there."
I'm betting D-Mark to Yen Shinji still has no idea what's going on.
Misato ground her teeth and managed to press out: "If all you're going to do is make unfunny jokes, then I'd suggest..."
"Actually, I am here as Asuka's guardian," Kaji interrupted her, suddenly sounding surprisingly serious. "We booked a hotel room for her for the night, but that's no permanent solution, of course. She needs accommodation."
Misato sat down again "That's... surprisingly sensible of you, Kaji. Yes, she does. I assume you will soon return to Germany?"
"Not... exactly," Kaji replied. "If you wish, I can take her in as soon as I've found an apartment, no problem. I just wanted to ask you before, since I'm not accredited with the local NERV branch and all."
Misato's face darkened. "If you are a security risk, we already screwed up back in Germany, anyway. And why would you stay here?"
Kaji grinned his rogueish grin. "Haven't you ever heard of operational security? I need to leave some surprises I can spring at you. Very well then, Asuka, seems like you'll be staying at that hotel for a while. I'll inform you as soon as I've found something."
Asuka watched the piece of clothing in her hands with a certain disgust. A school uniform...
She was still at best half-convinced to actually go to school at all. Kaji had offered to not enrol her at all; since she already had a college degree this probably would not run afoul of the law and besides, nobody would dare touch NERV, anyway. However, he had strongly advised she should go anyway. For one thing, she really needed to learn kanji, now that she lived in Japan. And second, there was the issue of social contacts.
Asuka had scoffed at that idea. She had gone through college, actually, so what could kids her own age offer her? Kaji had pointed out that even in college she had had some contacts, and besides, she had been heavily involved with NERV in Germany, having been the only EVA pilot there. Here, she would have no such contacts and probably only do combat and synch training at NERV. Without school, what would she even do all day long? Plus, her experiences and status would give her a certain social edge at school.
She had to admit Kaji had a point there. She knew how far ahead she was of her age peers, but that meant she could at least get some proper admiration out of them. It was of course silly to go to school again just to learn kanji; a private tutor specialized in just that would be the more practical solution. And the idea that fighting angels would basically be an after-school part-time job was absurd. Instead, school would be a game, nothing more. The funny thing was that, after all, she had nothing to lose. She did not need to fear bad grades or, in fact, even suspension. She already had a degree; there was literally nothing they could do to her. So she might as well go there, play the grand social game, and not give a damn about anything else.
But apparently part of that game was that damnable school uniform.
She had considered alternatives. She could simply refuse to wear it altogether. That certainly would give her a very unique style, mark her as someone special, someone with convictions. But it was too blunt. They would maybe, as a transfer student, let her get away with that for two, three days. Then reprimands would come and eventually they would suspend her. So she could simply stay away from school altogether rather than choosing this strategy. And besides, she would already stand out anyway, what with being an attractive, red-haired foreigner and EVA pilot, so this would be completely unnecessary.
A second idea had been to technically keep to clothing regulations, but to subvert them whenever she could, by using non-standard hair-dos and accessories and lots of make-up. Going for the whole 'delinquent' look. That could in fact work, but she was in Japan here, not in Germany. Rebels were only looked up to so much, especially if they were girls. In this annoyingly conformist and sexist society, going for the 'delinquent' look would probably completely sabotage her efforts at the social game.
She sighed. So plain school uniform it was then. What utter nonsense. One would be very hard pressed to find any school in Germany, including private schools, that used uniforms. Maybe there was not a single one. So this issue was even something that went beyond just the 'normal' 'Western'/Japanese divide. To Asuka, school uniforms did not represent a status as schoolgirl, or cuteness or anything along those lines, but just mindless drone behaviour. Uniformity, like in the military. And she saw herself as a warrior, not as a soldier. She was not just a lowly grunt.
At least the local school uniform was okay. It was not very stylish, but Asuka had seen how certain "stylish" or "cute" school uniforms looked like. Personally, she had no problems with light and revealing clothing – when she chose to wear it. That was always good for a laugh, in fact; back at university, the boys, the young adults, would do their damnedest not to look at her, a minor so much younger than them, during the hottest days. She had been an early bloomer, after all. However, baring half her legs due to regulations, that would be just demeaning.
She sighed again and put on the uniform. It was time to go to battle.
Even though she had never really practised them, at least she knew Japanese customs and etiquettes. Things like bowing to each other or to the teacher were not completely alien to her. Her mother had taught her about such things, even though she had grown up in Germany herself. The memories of those lessons were very faint and far away, but the lessons themselves had stuck. She still found most of the stuff silly, but she could go through the motions.
Asuka's hotel was reasonably close to the school, certainly close enough that she could walk. Already outside, the red-haired foreigner in a school uniform drew curious looks; inside the school premises basically every head was turning. Asuka felt a certain annoyance at that, that people basically treated her like an animal in a zoo or a circus show. She fought down that anger, though. She had to give a good first impression to everyone, and besides, she counted on her exotic nature helping her to make contacts. Enduring the numerous stares was the price to pay for that.
She went to the room she had been told was her classroom. So far, there were only a few people there, and they all looked up when she entered. A girl immediately went over to Asuka. She was of a small stature, with brown hair and twin tails. Asuka slightly furrowed her forehead over such an unstylish hairdo. "You must be the new transfer student," the girl said, then paused. "I'm Hikari Horaki, the class representative. I'm pleased to meet you."
The class rep... another one of those silly Japanese ideas. Before she had gone to university, Asuka had been in that role herself. Of course she had been, she had always been popular. But that role had meant something totally different in Germany. In Germany, class reps were elected by the class to represent them against the teachers. In Japan, they were appointed by the teachers to handle the class. They were the teachers' pets. Or, even less charitable, in keeping with the uniforms, the teacher's NCO in the field, as if the school were an army and the students its soldiers. How disdainful.
Still, in Japan, for some unfathomable reason, it seemed to be a respected position even among the students. So it was probably a good idea to get on that girl's good side. "I'm Asuka." She remembered where she was. "Asuka Langley Soryu. I just arrived from Germany."
"You'll be introduced to the class as soon as the first lesson starts," Hikari told her. "I hope you'll find your way around. I can only try to imagine how difficult it must be for a transfer student from abroad. If you have any questions or need any help, feel free to ask me!"
That was an almost professional speech. At least the girl seemed to be competent in her role, regardless of how senseless that role was. "Don't worry about me, I'll get by." Asuka wondered what more she could say. She certainly was not about to ask for help. She could ask how lessons were like here, but then again, she did not really care, after all, seeing as she was only here for kanji and social affairs. Then she noticed the other girl fidgeting. "But you seem to have something on your mind. Out with it, then."
Hikari seemed to be slightly taken aback by Asuka's blunt word choice, but replied: "I apologise if this causes offence, but when I first heard that you were coming from Germany, I feared there could be communication problems. I'm not sure anyone here speaks German..."
Asuka waved her hand dismissively. "My mother was a native speaker. I grew up bilingual. Trilingual, actually. I also speak English, and know enough French to get by."
Hikari looked suitably impressed, which of course made Asuka slightly more favourably inclined towards her. "So your mother is Japanese?"
Her mother really was not a topic Asuka wanted to get into any depth about, so she swiftly tried changing it. "Her father was. Don't worry, I know how to speak Japanese, and for that matter also to behave Japanese well enough, if that is what you're concerned about."
Hikari had the decency to at least blush slightly. "I'm sorry. I was. You understand, there are many situations when..."
"Yes, yes, I understand well enough," Asuka interrupted her. "Ah, is that the teacher?"
"It is!" Hikari confirmed and rushed over to her place, ready to perform her function.
Isn't that…
Shinji had spent way too much time on preparing food for the day, and had made it to the classroom only some mere steps before the teacher. Still, he stopped short when he walked through the door. Among all his classmates, one person stood out by the fiery colour of her hair.
Shinji entered dumbfounded when the teacher was right behind him. He wandered over to his desk, his eyes still on Soryu. So she's here as well. It made sense: She appeared to be of similar age to him, and the other two pilots, Ayanami and him, were already in the class, too.
He spent large parts of class glancing over to Soryu, but then, so did basically all his classmates. The boys were more or less openly admiring her; the girls were gossiping. Touji and Kensuke as well seemed to have an intense curiosity about the new girl.
Awkwardly, a few times Soryu looked back at him. And whenever their eyes met he had the feeling hers were shooting daggers at him. Over time, this made Shinji almost afraid to look at her. I must have screwed up. Somewhere. It was the only logical explanation: Somehow he must have pissed off Soryu when they had first met three days ago, and she was still carrying a grudge. He would have dearly liked to know what he did wrong so he could apologize, but then, he would probably screw that up anyway.
Fortunately for him, she ignored him completely during lunch break. Or maybe she simply had no time to spend on him: Surrounded by nearly the whole class, she was far too busy telling them all about herself, something she did with great enthusiasm. Shinji stood a good deal away from that cluster of people, so he only heard bits and pieces. Asuka confirmed nonchalantly that she was an EVA pilot, she effortlessly switched between languages to impress people and even claimed to already just have finished a college degree before departing from Germany. Shinji made a mental note to ask Misato about that.
In any case, there was little doubt now who was suddenly atop the social ladder.
It was only after class that Soryu showed some interest in him, when she overheard a conversation between him and Horaki. The class rep wanted him to take class notes and homework to Ayanami, who had been absent that day.
"Rei Ayanami?" Soryu chimed in. "The First Child? She's in this class as well?"
Shinji nodded. "She's often absent. Doesn't seem to affect her grades, though."
"In exams she's always among the best three or four," Horaki agreed.
Soryu's grin seemed… off. Forced. "Well, then we can't let her illnesses affect her education, right? I think I'll accompany you, Shinji. Rei and I didn't really get a chance to talk when we met at NERV."
Shin...ji? Rei? He felt kind of awkward due to her overly familiar way of addressing him, and he could plainly see so did Horaki, but neither of them commented. She is a foreigner, after all.
A very attractive foreigner who had just asked him to walk with him after school. He gulped.
Horaki had her own take on the suggestion: "That's nice of you to offer, Soryu. I know Ikari is much more… serious than others here" Shinji could hear Soryu mutter That wimp? "but I would feel more comfortable if a girl was to accompany him to another girl's place."
"Splendid," Soryu beamed. She turned to Shinji: "You know the way?"
"Uh, I know her address," he answered. "I've never been in that part of town, but I know where we must go. Theoretically."
"Theoretically?" Soryu echoed. She sighed. "Well, I trust you'll have a better sense of direction than Misato does. Not that this is particularly difficult." Shinji just shrugged and got into motion. "Hey, you can't just run away when a lady has offered to accompany you! Wait up!" Shinji sighed and came to a halt again. It took several minutes before Soryu had finally packed all her things and caught up to him.
They walked in silence for several minutes. Given just how wordy the German girl had been before, this surprised Shinji, but she made no attempts to speak up. Finally, it was him who did: "So, uh… you have a college degree?"
"Yup," Soryu replied with obvious pride in her voice. "Finished it just in time, in fact. Made me miss the first few angels, but hey, I'm sure there are plenty more to come."
What's wrong with her, she's saying that like it's a good thing! But that was not what Shinji asked about: "How… how did that even work? I mean, you're only 14 like me, aren't you?"
Asuka shrugged. "Like that matters. I may be of the same age as you, but I am a genius." She glanced at him sideways. "I brought the papers along to Japan. I can show them to you at my hotel room if you don't believe me."
Shinji raised his hands. "I… I don't think that'll be necessary. I was just surprised, you know. It's not often that one sees 14 year olds with college degrees."
"It's not often that the world sees me," Soryu stated haughtily. They both fell silent for a while, until she spoke up again: "That's why I want to meet with the First. You two may not yet have college degrees, but you are EVA pilots."
"You think that makes us special?" Shinji asked.
Soryu actually stopped to take a look at him, a look of surprise and contempt. "Are you stupid? Of course we are! Three people, among three billion people on Earth! And only we can pilot the Evangelions. It's an ability only we have. Of course that makes us special. If you can't see that… pah!"
She stormed ahead. Shinji had the nagging feeling he had screwed up yet again.
However, she seemed to calm down surprisingly fast. By the time he had caught up to her again, she was asking him about his previous engagements with angels. There was really not much he could tell her about Sachiel, and while he had saved Rei at Mt Asama it was her who had defeated Sandalphon, so he mostly concentrated on Shamshel.
"You let those idiots into your entry plug?" she asked, appalled.
"I had to!" Shinji defended himself. "It was the only way for me not to worry about crushing them."
Soryu wrinkled her nose. "It was their fault for leaving the shelters. They brought you into unnecessary risk."
Shinji shrugged. "I don't mind."
"You should!" Soryu insisted and shook her head. "You really are kinda weak, aren't you?"
Shinji shrugged again. "I suppose so. Sorry." I knew this wouldn't end well.
Soryu rolled her eyes. "Apparently you are. So, how did you defeat the angel with three idiots inside the entry plug then?"
Shinji ignored the stab at him and told her. How he had ignored Shamshel's lashes, how he had simply driven his knife deeper and deeper into his core, how he had managed to break it just before the power had run out on his EVA. Soryu's demeanour did not change; she did not suddenly laud him or anything like it. But at least she did not scold him again, either. Instead, she just kept on asking questions.
When they had finally reached Ayanami's apartment bloc, he found he did not mind simply being called 'Shinji', no matter how inappropriate the address was.
It had taken only a single day for Asuka to reverse her position on the role of class reps in Japan. She had enjoyed all the attention she had been getting, but, Grundgütiger!, were those schoolboys and -girls ever mindless and infantile. And the boys were all perverts; she could still feel their lustful gazes all over her body. Somebody like Hikari, apparently a very resolute girl, was needed to keep them all in line.
And the only one who maybe was not quite like that, who had kept away from that silly gaggle of his classmates, whom even Hikari had called 'more serious' than the rest... was a spineless wimp who apologized for winning a battle against an angel. It really figured. And worst of all, such a person would be fighting alongside her! I should just ask to be deployed solo. This will probably be more productive.
For the moment, she still had some hopes invested into the First Child. Sure, this 'Rei Ayanami' had been nothing short of impertinent at their first meeting at NERV, but Asuka figured she could work with 'impertinent'. Maybe that just showed Rei had the right temperament to be an EVA pilot, someone who took the job seriously and had the proper competitive streak.
Those hopes kind of crumbled when she saw where Rei lived. The endless line of enormous, grey and dull apartment looked like a ghetto to her. The line that still stood, at least. On the other side of the street only the remnants of some walls showed that once there had been buildings there as well.
"What is that god-awful noise?" she complained.
"Construction works," Shinji guessed. "I think they're dismantling the place."
"No shit," Asuka exclaimed. "What gave it away, the ruins? But why are people still living here then? Why is she?"
She gestured at the building in front of them. The wall mantling had been torn up in several places, windows had burst, balcony doors unhinged. In fact, the building seemed entirely abandoned and as if it might be torn down soon as well.
Shinji just shrugged and entered it.
The inside did not look much better. There was litter everywhere and dust. So much dust. Asuka could practically feel the creepy-crawlies skittering everywhere. And yet, this apparently was where Rei lived. Her name was above the door to apartment 402... or at least Asuka assumed so, extrapolating from the kanji she knew. On the other hand, maybe she had not been here for a while: The mail box at the door was flowing over with letters, newspapers, advertisements. Asuka saw two letters with the NERV logo and one with the insignia of the Tokyo-3 municipal government, but even those were unopened.
"So much for just leaving the papers here," she muttered. She had wanted to meet Rei anyway, but now she was not so sure about this prospect anymore. Apparently, Rei had not just behaved like a weirdo at NERV – if she lived here, she was one.
Shinji pressed the door bell. Nothing happened, no sound could be heard. It seemed to be broken. The two pilots looked at each other. Shinji knocked at the door, politely. When that yielded no result, Asuka knocked at the door, violently. Still nothing happened.
"What do we do now?" Shinji muttered.
"Something!" Asuka exclaimed. "I have not come so far out to this post-apocalyptic wasteland just to return without any results. If need be we'll just kick in the door!"
"We can't just do that!" Shinji shouted hastily. "She's probably not here. Maybe she needed to go to a hospital?"
"Don't be so dramatic!" Asuka chided him. She intended to rattle at the door handle... only to discover the door was unlocked. "Let me guess," she muttered quietly. "The lock is broken as well."
She could not help but indulge her curiosity and carefully leaned her upper body through the half-opened door... only to jump back in revulsion. The trail of litter, dust and dirt seamlessly continued inside the apartment.
Shinji used this to take a look himself. He grimaced, but then shouted: "Excuse me. Ayanami, are you home? It's me, Shinji Ikari. And Asuka Soryu." There was no response. After some seconds of hesitation, he stepped in.
"You can't just..." Asuka began, but by then the heavy door was closing already behind Shinji. Asuka pulled it open again and entered behind him.
"Ayanami?" Shinji tried again. When there was no response, he announced: "We're coming in, Ayanami. Sorry if we're disturbing."
He uncomfortably stepped out of his shoes and tried to move through all the dirt on tip-toes. Several marks showed Rei apparently rarely bothered, so Asuka did not remove her shoes, either. She had no intention of getting her socks ruined.
The apartment was a mess. It would already hardly be a pleasant home under better circumstances. The walls were cold stone and metal frames, the lighting seemed to fit better to a storage hall and half of it was broken besides, and it was very cramped: The entrance corridor apparently also served as the kitchen. But worse than that all was the dirt and the sheer mess of things. Even Misato's apartment in Berlin, back when Asuka had lived with her, had never been quite so bad as this. The kitchen sink was full of unwashed dishes, and Ayanami's sleeping room was even worse: The only furniture there was a bed, a single chair, a small refrigerator and some drawers. The heavy curtains were closed, leaving the room dark and even more unappealing. There were blood stains on the bed pillow and a box of used, bloody bandages near the refrigerator. And clothes, clothes everywhere: A school uniform on the bed, socks on a drying ring above it, more socks on the chair, and one opened drawer apparently was full of unsorted underwear.
A bit belated Asuka realized there was an order to things: There was no piece of clothing simply on the floor, the bandages were unhygienic but still all gathered in one places, and even the empty cans were all gathered in a small plastic bag hanging from the refrigerator. How... odd.
"I know those glasses," Asuka heard Shinji muttering. He walked up to the drawers and picked something up from them. Asuka followed to take a look. "Those glasses... just like my father's. Are those hers?"
He tried to put them on. Herr im Himmel, is weirdness a requirement for becoming a Japanese pilot? Asuka tried to grab the glasses. "You can't just pick up other people's things!"
"But..." Shinji tried to defend himself.
"No but!" Asuka insisted and jerked the glasses away from him, yanking them high into the air.
In just that moment there was a rustling sound coming from behind them. Both Asuka and Shinji took a look... and saw Rei standing there. Clothed in nothing more than a short, brown towel around her neck. The other two pilots just froze in mid-movement.
"Wa... was?" Asuka stuttered.
Rei stood in the door frame to her sleeping room for a second, entirely calm and not even trying to hide anything. Then she stepped forwards resolutely and quickly. Shinji jumped backwards, instinctively getting out of the way, but Asuka felt cornered. She had been a six year old piloting a 50m tall warmachine by thought alone, but even so this situation had definitely surpassed her weirdness quotient.
Rei grabbed Asuka's hand... or rather, the glasses inside. Asuka tried to stumble backwards, to get away from this weirdness, but only managed to bounce against the drawers behind her. She lost her footing, tried to regain balance by lunging forwards... and fell into Rei. The nude girl had no way to stop her momentum and fell down, with Asuka on top of her.
Waswaswaswaswaswas.... Asuka's thoughts somersaulted in her head while Rei just lay below her, arms stretched wide on the floor, not moving. Asuka felt hot as blood rushed into her face. This was.... What the fuck was this? What the fuck is this? Why is she just lying there? What do I do now?
"Will you get off?"
What? Rei had said that entirely calmly. It did not even sound like a request, more like a factual question. Only now did Asuka notice where she had fallen, specifically her left hand. Rei's breasts were… well developed.
Asuka jumped off the other girl. She was breaking out in sweat. She felt fooled and trapped. She knew of course there had been no conscious conspiracy between Shinji and Rei, but the result had been much the same. She had only gotten into this stupid situation because Rei could not keep her mail box tidy, because Shinji was too stupid to leave other people's belongings alone and because Rei was a damn exhibitionist. She felt awkward and embarrassed and confused all because those people were so weird and stupid.
With anger welling up inside her, she turned around to face Shinji: "Enjoyed that show, didn't you? Girl on naked girl action, just like in your fantasies, yes? And you just stood there and let this happen! You stupid perverted..."
Soryu raised her hand behind her back. Shinji was expecting the slap to come in any second now. He had of course not intended for any of this to happen, but he did somewhat feel like he would deserve it. It was not proper that he had seen Ayanami like this, and it was understandable that Soryu would feel embarrassed.
He himself felt awkward and confused himself, and to his shame also intensely aroused. Ayanami's body, the way she presented it, and yes, also the way Soryu had ended atop on it… He did not like how it made him feel, but it did make him aroused. One more reason why he thought he deserved punishment. Maybe that would clear some things up; but he feared this incident would make things forever more too awkward between the three pilots.
He flinched and closed his eyes… and the slap did not come. When he looked again, a slender hand had caught Soryu's arm in a surprisingly strong grip from behind.
Apparently still not caring about her state of undress, Ayanami stated calmly: "Do not hurt Ikari."
Soryu freed herself from that grip and whirled around. "What? And get dressed, you shameless…."
"As soon as I have ensured Ikari remains unharmed," Ayanami told her.
Wait what? Shinji could hardly believe that someone would intervene for his sake. That it was Ayanami was pleasant. That she did so in the nude was… not helping any.
"So that's how it is," Asuka muttered darkly. "You're all indecent! That's it! You… you… argh!" And with that she stormed right out of the apartment.
Shinji looked after her, unsure what to do. Ayanami in turn now looked directly at him. Shinji felt trapped, like a deer in the headlights – too shocked to move, definitely too shocked to think. He hated himself for it, but he could not help to keep looking at Ayanami, her shoulders, her breasts, her thighs…You're the worst, Shinji Ikari. Absolutely the worst.
"Why are you here?" Rei finally asked, entirely unperturbed.
That finally got through to Shinji. "I… ah… I was asked… the class rep..."
Calmly, Rei moved around him, to the other side of the bed where she had laid out her clothes, and began to put them on. Shinji forced himself to look away. That… did not go completely successfully.
"I'm here..." He gulped, closed his eyes and sputtered: "ClassrephorakiaskedmetogivetheclassnotesandhomeworktoyouimsorryaboutthisallIjustwantedyoutohavethesepapers!" He hastily opened his school bag and began to rummage inside it. He did not care that a pencil flew out of it when he took out the papers. He simply laid them on Ayanami's bed, half throwing them, and managed despite his best intentions to get a further good look of her unclad back. Then he turned around to run to his shoes. He had not even fully tied them yet when he was already out of the door again.
He shouted Soryu's name several times, hoping to catch up to the German girl, but she seemed far ahead already. He would have liked to at least try to clear up things with her, but apparently he had hesitated too long. Too busy staring at Ayanami's breasts. I am absolutely the worst.
With shaky hands he got his SDAT player out of his school bag, and began to slouch back home.
(Asuka's action technically count as a Rei-huggle, yes?
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Chapter 4 - Ramiel I
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Watching Kensuke play certain arcade games was almost frightening. He already had considerable high scores on all the normal machines, the ones that were played with buttons and joysticks. Those did not even catch his fancy anymore. Instead, these days he always went to those machines that used a gun mock-up with which to aim at the screen. Shinji had seen some people going completely wild mowing down virtual enemies on the screen, but not so Kensuke. He simply stood in front of that screen and remained entirely calm, only slightly moving his upper body to adjust his aim when necessary. His facial expression always stayed the same as well. Stone-cold.
It reminded Shinji uncomfortably of NERV's simulated training for the pallet rifle. Target in the centre, pull the switch...
History was repeating itself: Just like after those very first combat training lessons, he was running away again. Not from Misato or NERV this time, but from Ayanami. This was why he was content to watch his friends play the arcade. The entire time after school he had remained silent, his gaze downcast, simply following Touji and Kensuke. He was glad they were having fun, but he was just a hanger-on to them. When they spoke or joked, he was never fully part of it. It was if he were just an outside observer to their activities. And in any case, he was just here because it gave him an excuse to be anywhere else but on his direct way home.
I am absolutely the worst.
He had not even told Ayanami that she would not be seeing him on his usual way home anymore. For three school days now, he had simply gone to the city centre with Touji and Kensuke after school instead. He had no doubt Ayanami had waited every day; she did not seem like a person to quickly change habits. But he simply could not face her right now, not in any capacity. He could not even tell her not to meet him anymore. All he could do was avoid her as much as possible. He just wanted to be away from this source of embarrassment and distress. So even though it had been his fault that things had become so awkward between them, he had added even more harm to Ayanami. And even though he realized that, he could not stop it. In fact, that guilt only made his desire to avoid Ayanami and everything to do with her all that much stronger.
And like a wimp I'm giving in to that desire without a second thought. Without even trying. Selfish. Pathetic and selfish. That was part of the reason he was content to just watch Touji and Kensuke: At least they showed him not every human on Earth was as pathetic as himself. It was like trying to catch some of their glory, such as it was... some of their normalcy, their being fit to normal human standards, by being around them. Let's see how long they will put up with me.
"Another high score...?" Touji exclaimed dumbfounded from next to Kensuke. "Man, if you invested half as much work into school..."
Kensuke shrugged. "School isn't as satisfying. Besides, I get to improve my aim here. That'll help me more than all lectures on Japanese literature."
Now Touji shrugged as well. "Can't argue with you there, buddy." He turned around. "Hey, Shinji, wanna give it a try now?"
His eyes still cast down, Shinji just shook his head wordlessly. He really did not feel like playing arcade games, and especially not one that reminded him of NERV training.
"Yeah, actually, you're right," Touji conceded. That surprised Shinji, but he still did not look up. The world consisted of the floor in front of him. "Hey, I guess we'll see each other in school tomorrow, right?"
Shinji just nodded weakly.
"What?" Kensuke exclaimed. "You wanna go already? And what about..."
"This way, Kensuke," Touji urged him.
"Wait, isn't that..."
"Shut up, Kensuke."
Shinji still heard the words, but he did not even try to figure out what they meant. That happened fast. Now they've gotten sick of me as well. He was not sad, not really. In order to be sad he would have had to expect better.
Someone was in front of him now. A soft voice called: "Ikari."
Now Shinji did look up. Surprised... or rather, shocked. He felt trapped. "Aya..." he began, but he could not even finish the name.
Several seconds passed, with both of them just looking at each other. Neither of them moved. Shinji felt his heart racing. Ayanami seemed as calm and collected as always. Finally she asked: "Why did Pilot Soryu wish to harm you?"
Wait, what?
…
"Wait, what?" Shinji exclaimed. "Why are you asking that now?"
"I wanted to ask you on Friday," Ayanami explained matter-of-factly. "I did not meet you at your way home."
In as much as those 'meetings' had become a habit, it had been her unspoken 'turn' to ask something.
"I'm sorry," Shinji whispered, again looking at the floor. Then it hit him and he looked straight ahead again, at Ayanami. "...that is what you wanted to talk with me about on Friday?" Not about what I...
The girl just nodded slightly.
Now thoughts and questions jumped into Shinji's mind without any sense or order to them. "How did you even know I'd be here?"
"Suzuhara told me," Ayanami answered.
"Touji?" Shinji wondered. "You asked Touji?"
Ayanami shook her head. "He approached me. It was unexpected. But his information was correct."
Touji did? … That's why he left now. But why... Shinji did not pursue that thought further. He had wished to avoid Ayanami, but now he had been put on the spot. There was only one thing to do. With rigid upper body, he bowed down deep in front of her. "I am sorry, Ayanami. I should not have entered your apartment. And I should have left as soon as I saw you had been showering. It was foolish and stupid of me and it put you in an uncomfortable position."
He remained bowed. No answer came. When he looked up slightly from that position, he could see her head was tilted. "Is that an apology?" she asked.
"Yes!" Shinji exclaimed, a little too loud and trying his best not to jump up from his bowed position.
"Why?" Ayanami asked.
"Ah... because..." Shinj began. That was unexpected. Unexpected enough that he now did straighten up again. "What I did was wrong."
"Why?" Ayanami inquired further.
"It's rude to simply enter the homes of other people!" Shinji exclaimed. What I did is wrong, wrong, wrong!
"Why?"
"Well... that incident showed why!" Shinji insisted. "Because I just entered your apartment, I caught you showering. I embarrassed you!"
"No," Ayanami simply stated without any inflection whatsoever.
"What do you mean, 'No'?" Shinji asked.
"You did not embarrass me," Ayanami clarified.
What? What? Shinji could not believe what he was hearing. Does absolutely nothing offend her? Part of him, a very small part, realized that he maybe should be weirded out by this, maybe even find this creepy... but that part never had a chance against the sheer relief Shinji was feeling right now. No, I suppose nothing does. I can't offend her. Whatever I do, I can't screw this up. Not even with... that.
"I am glad," Shinji told her. "It was still a foolish thing to do for me."
Ayanami acknowledged that with a nod. "Is that why Soryu attempted to strike you? She took part in that foolishness as well."
A small grin formed at the sides of Shinji's mouth, the first time in days his lips had even only begun to curl up. Ayanami was a determined person. It seemed that when she wanted to ask a question, nothing would stop her: Not being caught in the nude, not five days of utter silence, not being abandoned after school and not even an in her eyes senseless apology.
"I think she was just embarrassed herself," Shinji explained. "After she... fell on you." And here we go again with the visual memories... Memories that were at once pleasant and intensely awkward. "She blamed me for that. Us both, really."
"I see," Ayanami answered. "Would she also have attempted to harm me?"
"I don't think..." Shinji began, but stopped when two identical noises started, one from his phone and one from Ayanami's. That sound was keyed specifically to one event... an Angel attack.
Without speaking a further word, both started to run straight for the nearest Geofront entrance.
Asuka lay face-down on her hotel bed and wanted the outside world to go away. There was a school book and a writing bloc on the desk that stood right next to that bed, but Asuka had quite enough of both.
Why the fuck are they still using kanji?
For Germany, the Latin alphabet with its 26 letters was quite sufficient. Okay, plus 4 letters German used but insisted were somehow not part of the alphabet. And some combinations like sch, ch, eu that were pronounced differently than what their single letters would imply. But even so – that was 30 letters and maybe 10 combinations. Instead of the around, oh, 20,000 kanji needed for high-level Japanese literacy, most of them with multiple meanings and multiple pronunciations. Even English and French, where one had to basically guess how spelling and pronunciation went together, were better, because they at least used an alphabet instead of damn pictograms.
Asuka could read and write katakana and hiragana without problems. Those were after all syllabaries, nearly as good as alphabets as far as writing systems went. But their use in Japanese was limited. It occurred to Asuka that the Koreans had done it right: They had kicked out their Chinese-derived script decades ago and had only kept their own syllabary. Not that the country was in an enviable condition right now: Reunited since shortly after Second Impact, it was now a completely neutralized buffer state between Japan and China under military rule. World events and conditions like that were something Asuka, as a college graduate and pilot of the most powerful class of battle machines currently out there (a political factor in itself), kept up with. But at least the people there did not need to learn thousands upon thousands of characters just to not be illiterate.
Asuka simply did not have the motivation to continue working on her writing lessons. She had done those for a week already. For several days now, she had come 'home' to a lonely hotel room and practised kanji. It seemed that was the only thing she was still doing outside school. It was disheartening to return to this hotel room day after day and stay there most of the time. At first she had immediately changed out of the school uniform; now she could not even be bothered to do that anymore. Even Kaji had only visited her once since she had started going to school. She had no idea what he was doing. Hopefully he'll hurry up about finding an apartment.
That had been part of the reason for accompanying the Third to the First's place. It had given her something else to do, and the chance to properly meet the First. Unfortunately, that had ended in disaster. Asuka still felt flustered and embarrassed when she thought about that incident. It had been foolish of Shinji to just enter the apartment like that, but worse, what had that blue-haired harlot been thinking? Showing up in the nude, not even hiding anything, just letting Asuka lie on top of her without moving, letting her lie on her... Gah! Even only recalling that memory made Asuka feel uncomfortable all over.
Fortunately, it had been easy enough to avoid both her fellow pilots at school. Both were essentially loners, always staying in their own private, little corners. Sticking to the crowds automatically meant avoiding them, and sticking to the crowds was after all one reason Asuka went to school: The social stimulation. Just too bad how abruptly this ends once I've come 'home'. She sighed. She was not looking forward to PE on Wednesday. No way to avoid the harlot then. Urgh. According to schedule it'll be swimming. Well, at least the school will have regulations against skinny-dipping.
With another sigh she slowly got up from her bed. It's no use. The only alternative to learning those vermaledeiten Chinese thought excrements is to brood on my bed. So back to a needlessly complicated writing system it is.
However, she had not even sat down when her phone emitted the quite clearly distinguishable angel alert sound.
She formed a fist and grinned. Yes! That's better than brooding or kanji. My first fight on Japanese soil. That angel has impeccable timing. I'll beat the crap out of it.
The corridor around Misato flashed red, so that it appeared like she was walking through red hexagons. I swear, sometimes NERV is overdoing things. I get that an angel is approaching. There's no need to turn the whole headquarters into an emergency sign-themed amusement park.
Fortunately, her sense of direction always became considerably better under stress, and it took her only five minutes to reach the bridge.
"Report!" she bellowed.
"Battlecruiser Haruna reports huge flying object at these coordinates," Hyuga stated.
Misato looked over his shoulder, on his screen. "At current speeds it'll be here in less than half an hour!" She looked at the image of the object: A blue octahedron floating in the air. I wonder how they'll name it. Suddenly, something flashed up on the screen. "What the..."
Hyuga confirmed what she was seeing: "Wavelength is pattern Blue. Angel confirmed!"
"No way we can still hope to intercept it in the open," Misato muttered. "This'll be a fight in the city."
Vice Commander Fuyutsuki seemed to agree. From the elevated position he and Commander Ikari held on the bridge he issued orders, carried through loudspeakers: "Issue evacuation orders. Tokyo-3 is to enter fortress mode."
"What's the status of the pilots?" Misato shouted.
"All three have confirmed the emergency alert," Aoba reported from his terminal. "GPS tracking shows all three are in close proximity to Geofront entrances. Expected arrival of all three within fifteen minutes."
Misato nodded grimly. "Status of the Evangelions?"
"Ah... uh..." Ibuki muttered from her seat. What the hell? "U-Unit 01 and Unit... uh, Unit 02..."
Misato looked over to her. That was unlike the Lieutenant. Among the bridge personnel, Ibuki had always been the one most concerned for Shinji and Rei, but nonetheless she had always acted professionally and disciplined.
The annoying emergency lighting had dimmed the light to a diffuse red, so it was only now that Misato noticed a figure next to Ibuki. A figure very close to Ibuki. Misato stormed over to there. What's going on?
What she found was the Lieutenant almost cowering in her seat, trying to get away from the uncomfortable proximity to the man standing next to her. What the fuck is he doing here?
"Ryoji Kaji, get the hell away from there!" she shouted. "Do you want to get us into a sexual harassment lawsuit? Let my people do their job, damnit!"
With a grin, Kaji turned around to her and took one step forwards, finally bringing a more comfortable distance between him and Ibuki. "Your people? Doesn't Maya here" Maya? "belong to Ritsuko? Ritsuko's Section 3?"
Finally Ibuki had it in her to finish her report: "No... no problems detected in Units 01 and 02. Unit 00's neural link capacity 0.2% below norm, but that is within parameters."
Both pilots and EVAs accounted for. Good. We'll be able to fight. With that cleared, Misato could concentrate on Kaji. "What the hell are you doing here, Kaji? You don't have the security clearance...."
"I do, actually," Kaji interrupted her. He got something out of his shirt pocket and let it dangle in front of her: A laminated identity card. "I've officially been appointed by the U.N. as an inspector inside NERV." His ever-present grin broadened. "I'm here to watch you, Misato."
"What the hell is this about?" Misato demanded to know. "You've changed sides?"
"You wound me, Misato," Kaji declared theatrically. "We're all on the same side. NERV is a U.N. special purpose organisation, after all." He suddenly got more serious and his voice more subdued. "But not everyone in the U.N. is happy about NERV. The amounts of money you get from the U.N. budget are staggering. The special privileges NERV enjoys, including your near-total authority over Tokyo-3, make some people very jumpy. And now you have three EVAs concentrated here. People fear that. Sure, for now the EVAs are tied down in fighting angels, but once they aren't anymore... you understand how much political power three EVAs could represent, right?"
Misato nodded. All in all, those were understandable concerns. But having a U.N. inspector watch her every step would be inconvenient. And that this inspector was Kaji... Misato's serious face broke down into an expression of helplessness. This will be a nightmare!
She was spared the need to answer when she heard Aoba reporting: "First and Third Children have arrived." And with only some seconds delay: "Second Child has arrived."
Ibuki took this as the cue to report on the Evangelions: "Power connection to all EVAs stable. All units awaiting their pilot."
Two minutes later Aoba reported: "First Child in Unit 00." About ten seconds later: "Third Child in Unit 01." Then nothing for a while.
"Angel has reached Tokyo-3 city perimeter," Hyuga now spoke up.
"Engage city defences!" Misato ordered. She was glad that for now she had a perfect justification to take her mind off Kaji. Damnit, Asuka! How difficult can it be to get into that plugsuit? Though Misato had to grant that she never had been inside one, something she was rather glad about. So maybe she should not judge the pilots about this. But there's an angel out there, and it's nearly directly above us already!
It took almost another minute until Aoba reported: "Second Child in Unit 02."
Figures. First time I'm getting into my plugsuit here is at an angel battle. Which would not be a problem if it were not for the fact Asuka had to share the locker room with that blue-haired freak. It made her suddenly very conscious about changing. Who wouldn't be with her around?
She only needed to look at her changing to recall the incident in that dirty, run-down apartment. It was an infuriating memory, and having the harlot in close proximity, again in a state of undress, only made it that much more infuriating. In the end, she left the locker room nearly a minute after the other girl, who of course was again all creepily calm and unperturbed. Well, too bad, real humans do sometimes have emotions like anger. Asuka would not apologize if that anger caused a minute delay.
She ran through the corridors towards the EVA cages. On the way, she caught up to Shinji. Not a very fast runner it seems. Jeez…
"That fight's gonna be easy!" she exclaimed to him. "With me here, the angels are toast."
"You sound way too… enthusiastic… about that prospect," Shinji muttered between heavy breaths.
"I am!" Asuka agreed. "I'm an EVA pilot. A warrior. And I'm gonna kick that angel into orbit, like England just shot a penalty."
Unsurprisingly, that reference flew just as high over Shinji's head. Japan. I am not going to watch baseball matches, that's for sure! If she was staying any longer in that hotel room, she might have to unpack all the Turbine Potsdam and Schalke merchandise already.
"You… actually… like fighting?" Shinji asked. He sounded nonplussed. Or, as nonplussed as running allowed him to sound.
"Hell, yeah," Asuka confirmed. "And I'm good at it, as you'll see. Angels? No problems. I showed that against that overgrown trout, didn't I?"
"Well, yeah," Shinji had to admit. "Still… it's weird."
Says that guy? Hah! They had reached the EVA cages. "Less talking, more climbing into giant thought-controlled robots!"
Before Misato could even say something, she could hear Asuka on the comms. "What's the situation?"
Part of Misato, the Captain, was annoyed at the lack of communication discipline. But the other part, the guardian of Shinji and former guardian of Asuka, suppressed this annoyance. It was bad enough she had to send those kids out to fight; there was no need to also subject them to military discipline.
"I'm transmitting a visual feed to you. The Angel is that blue octahedron above the city. It's on course to its direct centre," Misato replied. To the point above the upper-most point of the Geofront. That surely was no coincidence. "You will probably have to fight as soon as you hit the surface. That's why we're sending you and Shinji in first. You two have better synch rates than Rei; your EVAs will hence have better reaction times. But we will fight with all three EVAs deployed."
"Aww, really?" Asuka complained. "I bet you I could take on that Angel alone."
"Asuka..." Misato warned her. Now both the Captain and the guardian were annoyed.
"It's what I've trained for in Germany for years, isn't it?" Asuka argued. "That wasn't just research; it was combat training. And it was for use against those things, wasn't it? And it paid off when I defeated that one angel, alone. Shinji has nearly no training at all." Shinji? I'll have to have… no, I'll have to tell Kaji to have a talk about Japanese etiquette with her. Which probably would be useless, since Asuka knew Japanese etiquette. She just cared very little about offending the sensitivities of people around her. "I want to fight!"
"You'll get to," Misato told her. "If you think you're such a hot shot, by all means attack the angel. But Shinji will have a fair stab at it, too."
"Uh, actually..." Shinji began.
Misato was relatively sure what he was about to say. And if she could make him avoid combat, she would do so. She would dearly like to do so, in fact. But sending out EVA-02 without backup was just not an option.
"Launch in ten seconds," she ordered to cut him off. "Unit 00 will join you a minute later."
All three pilots acknowledged the order.
The EVAs had not even fully reached the top when Ibuki announced loudly: "Energy build up inside the angel!"
"Specifics!" Misato bellowed.
"It's concentrating at its core and… it's focused outwards!" Ibuki yelled back.
Damn. No! "Shinji, Asuka, hold! Don't step out..."
But it was too late. Shinji's screams were already filling the loudspeakers; long, continuous, haunting screams. Asuka, of course, tried not to do the same, but to little avail. She screamed in short, throaty fits. Both their Evangelions had been hit right in the chest by concentrated energy beams. In Shinji's case, that beam even managed to fully vaporize an entire building standing in the way. In the midst of this agony, Misato hastily ordered the elevators to be lowered again.
"Hyuga, take over for me," she ordered and then set out to walk to the EVA cages. Kaji joined her. That surprised and annoyed Misato for a moment. But then, Asuka is his ward.
"And you worry about a sexual harassment suit," Kaji muttered.
"What do you mean?" Misato asked angrily. She was to worried for Shinji to put up with Kaji's antics.
"That's exactly the stuff they're sending in inspectors for," Kaji told her. "So we can watch NERV sending out children to fight. Children to suffer. Child soldiers. You just know how this will look on a report."
The two entered the elevator to the cages.
"We need these children to..." Misato began to defend herself.
"I know," Kaji interrupted her. "That's why so far nobody has said a word. Asuka is right: Officially, she was at Berlin to help in researching EVA technology, rather than to get combat training as a six year old child. Officially, using the research objects as weapons is an emergency solution. Officially, the children have no military rank, are not part of any armed forces, and could walk away at any time. Hell, that's really why we're making them go to school, isn't? We're upholding an illusion of normalcy that just isn't there. No, those aren't child soldiers, why, they're just normal students who help out at NERV after school." He shook his head with an ironic grin on his face. "We've presented the world with a lie that's easy to swallow. And because the world is so dependent on those children to defeat the angels, nobody looks too closely and everyone just upholds the lie."
Now Misato understood. Her anger at Kaji became entirely subdued when she thought through what he had said. "But if they hear the screams of a child who thinks and feels his ribcage has just been torn open…. Who certainly has all the same pain as if it had in fact been..."
"Yeah," Kaji answered. "Of course, it's just three pilots. Just three children. In Africa there are several warlords with entire companies and battalions of child soldiers. But nobody cares about Africa. Half its territory is recognized as being stateless. But the U.N. … they have become a pillar of stability since Second Impact. Maybe the pillar of global stability. The paragon of virtue that keeps the squabbling nation-states at bay. If people become aware, really aware, how a U.N. organization is using child soldiers..."
The elevator came to a halt, its door opened. They stepped out.
"Do they really care about that?" Misato asked.
"Haven't you been listening?" Kaji almost hissed back. "No national government is going to care because the lives of just three children have been destroyed. But some are out to target NERV anyway. And NERV using child soldiers will be a very welcome justification for them to try to shut the whole thing down."
"So… will this be in your report?" Misato asked. "You know why NERV is necessary. It absolutely is. I'm surprised they picked you to be an inspector, to be honest. You've been with NERV. You aren't impartial. You could just omit certain things."
"Yeah, I could," Kaji agreed. He gripped the railing of the gangway and looked over the coolant liquid filling up the room. Both Asuka and Shinji had been pulled from their entry plugs. Cranes were transporting their seats to a waiting medical team. Both were unconscious. "But would it really be fair to Asuka and to Shinji to hush up how they're suffering here? And I don't like hush-ups. You know that, Misato."
Misato formed fists and cast her view down.
I fully expect to lose any BVB fans who might have read this.
It reminded Shinji uncomfortably of NERV's simulated training for the pallet rifle. Target in the centre, pull the switch...
History was repeating itself: Just like after those very first combat training lessons, he was running away again. Not from Misato or NERV this time, but from Ayanami. This was why he was content to watch his friends play the arcade. The entire time after school he had remained silent, his gaze downcast, simply following Touji and Kensuke. He was glad they were having fun, but he was just a hanger-on to them. When they spoke or joked, he was never fully part of it. It was if he were just an outside observer to their activities. And in any case, he was just here because it gave him an excuse to be anywhere else but on his direct way home.
I am absolutely the worst.
He had not even told Ayanami that she would not be seeing him on his usual way home anymore. For three school days now, he had simply gone to the city centre with Touji and Kensuke after school instead. He had no doubt Ayanami had waited every day; she did not seem like a person to quickly change habits. But he simply could not face her right now, not in any capacity. He could not even tell her not to meet him anymore. All he could do was avoid her as much as possible. He just wanted to be away from this source of embarrassment and distress. So even though it had been his fault that things had become so awkward between them, he had added even more harm to Ayanami. And even though he realized that, he could not stop it. In fact, that guilt only made his desire to avoid Ayanami and everything to do with her all that much stronger.
And like a wimp I'm giving in to that desire without a second thought. Without even trying. Selfish. Pathetic and selfish. That was part of the reason he was content to just watch Touji and Kensuke: At least they showed him not every human on Earth was as pathetic as himself. It was like trying to catch some of their glory, such as it was... some of their normalcy, their being fit to normal human standards, by being around them. Let's see how long they will put up with me.
"Another high score...?" Touji exclaimed dumbfounded from next to Kensuke. "Man, if you invested half as much work into school..."
Kensuke shrugged. "School isn't as satisfying. Besides, I get to improve my aim here. That'll help me more than all lectures on Japanese literature."
Now Touji shrugged as well. "Can't argue with you there, buddy." He turned around. "Hey, Shinji, wanna give it a try now?"
His eyes still cast down, Shinji just shook his head wordlessly. He really did not feel like playing arcade games, and especially not one that reminded him of NERV training.
"Yeah, actually, you're right," Touji conceded. That surprised Shinji, but he still did not look up. The world consisted of the floor in front of him. "Hey, I guess we'll see each other in school tomorrow, right?"
Shinji just nodded weakly.
"What?" Kensuke exclaimed. "You wanna go already? And what about..."
"This way, Kensuke," Touji urged him.
"Wait, isn't that..."
"Shut up, Kensuke."
Shinji still heard the words, but he did not even try to figure out what they meant. That happened fast. Now they've gotten sick of me as well. He was not sad, not really. In order to be sad he would have had to expect better.
Someone was in front of him now. A soft voice called: "Ikari."
Now Shinji did look up. Surprised... or rather, shocked. He felt trapped. "Aya..." he began, but he could not even finish the name.
Several seconds passed, with both of them just looking at each other. Neither of them moved. Shinji felt his heart racing. Ayanami seemed as calm and collected as always. Finally she asked: "Why did Pilot Soryu wish to harm you?"
Wait, what?
…
"Wait, what?" Shinji exclaimed. "Why are you asking that now?"
"I wanted to ask you on Friday," Ayanami explained matter-of-factly. "I did not meet you at your way home."
In as much as those 'meetings' had become a habit, it had been her unspoken 'turn' to ask something.
"I'm sorry," Shinji whispered, again looking at the floor. Then it hit him and he looked straight ahead again, at Ayanami. "...that is what you wanted to talk with me about on Friday?" Not about what I...
The girl just nodded slightly.
Now thoughts and questions jumped into Shinji's mind without any sense or order to them. "How did you even know I'd be here?"
"Suzuhara told me," Ayanami answered.
"Touji?" Shinji wondered. "You asked Touji?"
Ayanami shook her head. "He approached me. It was unexpected. But his information was correct."
Touji did? … That's why he left now. But why... Shinji did not pursue that thought further. He had wished to avoid Ayanami, but now he had been put on the spot. There was only one thing to do. With rigid upper body, he bowed down deep in front of her. "I am sorry, Ayanami. I should not have entered your apartment. And I should have left as soon as I saw you had been showering. It was foolish and stupid of me and it put you in an uncomfortable position."
He remained bowed. No answer came. When he looked up slightly from that position, he could see her head was tilted. "Is that an apology?" she asked.
"Yes!" Shinji exclaimed, a little too loud and trying his best not to jump up from his bowed position.
"Why?" Ayanami asked.
"Ah... because..." Shinj began. That was unexpected. Unexpected enough that he now did straighten up again. "What I did was wrong."
"Why?" Ayanami inquired further.
"It's rude to simply enter the homes of other people!" Shinji exclaimed. What I did is wrong, wrong, wrong!
"Why?"
"Well... that incident showed why!" Shinji insisted. "Because I just entered your apartment, I caught you showering. I embarrassed you!"
"No," Ayanami simply stated without any inflection whatsoever.
"What do you mean, 'No'?" Shinji asked.
"You did not embarrass me," Ayanami clarified.
What? What? Shinji could not believe what he was hearing. Does absolutely nothing offend her? Part of him, a very small part, realized that he maybe should be weirded out by this, maybe even find this creepy... but that part never had a chance against the sheer relief Shinji was feeling right now. No, I suppose nothing does. I can't offend her. Whatever I do, I can't screw this up. Not even with... that.
"I am glad," Shinji told her. "It was still a foolish thing to do for me."
Ayanami acknowledged that with a nod. "Is that why Soryu attempted to strike you? She took part in that foolishness as well."
A small grin formed at the sides of Shinji's mouth, the first time in days his lips had even only begun to curl up. Ayanami was a determined person. It seemed that when she wanted to ask a question, nothing would stop her: Not being caught in the nude, not five days of utter silence, not being abandoned after school and not even an in her eyes senseless apology.
"I think she was just embarrassed herself," Shinji explained. "After she... fell on you." And here we go again with the visual memories... Memories that were at once pleasant and intensely awkward. "She blamed me for that. Us both, really."
"I see," Ayanami answered. "Would she also have attempted to harm me?"
"I don't think..." Shinji began, but stopped when two identical noises started, one from his phone and one from Ayanami's. That sound was keyed specifically to one event... an Angel attack.
Without speaking a further word, both started to run straight for the nearest Geofront entrance.
Asuka lay face-down on her hotel bed and wanted the outside world to go away. There was a school book and a writing bloc on the desk that stood right next to that bed, but Asuka had quite enough of both.
Why the fuck are they still using kanji?
For Germany, the Latin alphabet with its 26 letters was quite sufficient. Okay, plus 4 letters German used but insisted were somehow not part of the alphabet. And some combinations like sch, ch, eu that were pronounced differently than what their single letters would imply. But even so – that was 30 letters and maybe 10 combinations. Instead of the around, oh, 20,000 kanji needed for high-level Japanese literacy, most of them with multiple meanings and multiple pronunciations. Even English and French, where one had to basically guess how spelling and pronunciation went together, were better, because they at least used an alphabet instead of damn pictograms.
Asuka could read and write katakana and hiragana without problems. Those were after all syllabaries, nearly as good as alphabets as far as writing systems went. But their use in Japanese was limited. It occurred to Asuka that the Koreans had done it right: They had kicked out their Chinese-derived script decades ago and had only kept their own syllabary. Not that the country was in an enviable condition right now: Reunited since shortly after Second Impact, it was now a completely neutralized buffer state between Japan and China under military rule. World events and conditions like that were something Asuka, as a college graduate and pilot of the most powerful class of battle machines currently out there (a political factor in itself), kept up with. But at least the people there did not need to learn thousands upon thousands of characters just to not be illiterate.
Asuka simply did not have the motivation to continue working on her writing lessons. She had done those for a week already. For several days now, she had come 'home' to a lonely hotel room and practised kanji. It seemed that was the only thing she was still doing outside school. It was disheartening to return to this hotel room day after day and stay there most of the time. At first she had immediately changed out of the school uniform; now she could not even be bothered to do that anymore. Even Kaji had only visited her once since she had started going to school. She had no idea what he was doing. Hopefully he'll hurry up about finding an apartment.
That had been part of the reason for accompanying the Third to the First's place. It had given her something else to do, and the chance to properly meet the First. Unfortunately, that had ended in disaster. Asuka still felt flustered and embarrassed when she thought about that incident. It had been foolish of Shinji to just enter the apartment like that, but worse, what had that blue-haired harlot been thinking? Showing up in the nude, not even hiding anything, just letting Asuka lie on top of her without moving, letting her lie on her... Gah! Even only recalling that memory made Asuka feel uncomfortable all over.
Fortunately, it had been easy enough to avoid both her fellow pilots at school. Both were essentially loners, always staying in their own private, little corners. Sticking to the crowds automatically meant avoiding them, and sticking to the crowds was after all one reason Asuka went to school: The social stimulation. Just too bad how abruptly this ends once I've come 'home'. She sighed. She was not looking forward to PE on Wednesday. No way to avoid the harlot then. Urgh. According to schedule it'll be swimming. Well, at least the school will have regulations against skinny-dipping.
With another sigh she slowly got up from her bed. It's no use. The only alternative to learning those vermaledeiten Chinese thought excrements is to brood on my bed. So back to a needlessly complicated writing system it is.
However, she had not even sat down when her phone emitted the quite clearly distinguishable angel alert sound.
She formed a fist and grinned. Yes! That's better than brooding or kanji. My first fight on Japanese soil. That angel has impeccable timing. I'll beat the crap out of it.
The corridor around Misato flashed red, so that it appeared like she was walking through red hexagons. I swear, sometimes NERV is overdoing things. I get that an angel is approaching. There's no need to turn the whole headquarters into an emergency sign-themed amusement park.
Fortunately, her sense of direction always became considerably better under stress, and it took her only five minutes to reach the bridge.
"Report!" she bellowed.
"Battlecruiser Haruna reports huge flying object at these coordinates," Hyuga stated.
Misato looked over his shoulder, on his screen. "At current speeds it'll be here in less than half an hour!" She looked at the image of the object: A blue octahedron floating in the air. I wonder how they'll name it. Suddenly, something flashed up on the screen. "What the..."
Hyuga confirmed what she was seeing: "Wavelength is pattern Blue. Angel confirmed!"
"No way we can still hope to intercept it in the open," Misato muttered. "This'll be a fight in the city."
Vice Commander Fuyutsuki seemed to agree. From the elevated position he and Commander Ikari held on the bridge he issued orders, carried through loudspeakers: "Issue evacuation orders. Tokyo-3 is to enter fortress mode."
"What's the status of the pilots?" Misato shouted.
"All three have confirmed the emergency alert," Aoba reported from his terminal. "GPS tracking shows all three are in close proximity to Geofront entrances. Expected arrival of all three within fifteen minutes."
Misato nodded grimly. "Status of the Evangelions?"
"Ah... uh..." Ibuki muttered from her seat. What the hell? "U-Unit 01 and Unit... uh, Unit 02..."
Misato looked over to her. That was unlike the Lieutenant. Among the bridge personnel, Ibuki had always been the one most concerned for Shinji and Rei, but nonetheless she had always acted professionally and disciplined.
The annoying emergency lighting had dimmed the light to a diffuse red, so it was only now that Misato noticed a figure next to Ibuki. A figure very close to Ibuki. Misato stormed over to there. What's going on?
What she found was the Lieutenant almost cowering in her seat, trying to get away from the uncomfortable proximity to the man standing next to her. What the fuck is he doing here?
"Ryoji Kaji, get the hell away from there!" she shouted. "Do you want to get us into a sexual harassment lawsuit? Let my people do their job, damnit!"
With a grin, Kaji turned around to her and took one step forwards, finally bringing a more comfortable distance between him and Ibuki. "Your people? Doesn't Maya here" Maya? "belong to Ritsuko? Ritsuko's Section 3?"
Finally Ibuki had it in her to finish her report: "No... no problems detected in Units 01 and 02. Unit 00's neural link capacity 0.2% below norm, but that is within parameters."
Both pilots and EVAs accounted for. Good. We'll be able to fight. With that cleared, Misato could concentrate on Kaji. "What the hell are you doing here, Kaji? You don't have the security clearance...."
"I do, actually," Kaji interrupted her. He got something out of his shirt pocket and let it dangle in front of her: A laminated identity card. "I've officially been appointed by the U.N. as an inspector inside NERV." His ever-present grin broadened. "I'm here to watch you, Misato."
"What the hell is this about?" Misato demanded to know. "You've changed sides?"
"You wound me, Misato," Kaji declared theatrically. "We're all on the same side. NERV is a U.N. special purpose organisation, after all." He suddenly got more serious and his voice more subdued. "But not everyone in the U.N. is happy about NERV. The amounts of money you get from the U.N. budget are staggering. The special privileges NERV enjoys, including your near-total authority over Tokyo-3, make some people very jumpy. And now you have three EVAs concentrated here. People fear that. Sure, for now the EVAs are tied down in fighting angels, but once they aren't anymore... you understand how much political power three EVAs could represent, right?"
Misato nodded. All in all, those were understandable concerns. But having a U.N. inspector watch her every step would be inconvenient. And that this inspector was Kaji... Misato's serious face broke down into an expression of helplessness. This will be a nightmare!
She was spared the need to answer when she heard Aoba reporting: "First and Third Children have arrived." And with only some seconds delay: "Second Child has arrived."
Ibuki took this as the cue to report on the Evangelions: "Power connection to all EVAs stable. All units awaiting their pilot."
Two minutes later Aoba reported: "First Child in Unit 00." About ten seconds later: "Third Child in Unit 01." Then nothing for a while.
"Angel has reached Tokyo-3 city perimeter," Hyuga now spoke up.
"Engage city defences!" Misato ordered. She was glad that for now she had a perfect justification to take her mind off Kaji. Damnit, Asuka! How difficult can it be to get into that plugsuit? Though Misato had to grant that she never had been inside one, something she was rather glad about. So maybe she should not judge the pilots about this. But there's an angel out there, and it's nearly directly above us already!
It took almost another minute until Aoba reported: "Second Child in Unit 02."
Figures. First time I'm getting into my plugsuit here is at an angel battle. Which would not be a problem if it were not for the fact Asuka had to share the locker room with that blue-haired freak. It made her suddenly very conscious about changing. Who wouldn't be with her around?
She only needed to look at her changing to recall the incident in that dirty, run-down apartment. It was an infuriating memory, and having the harlot in close proximity, again in a state of undress, only made it that much more infuriating. In the end, she left the locker room nearly a minute after the other girl, who of course was again all creepily calm and unperturbed. Well, too bad, real humans do sometimes have emotions like anger. Asuka would not apologize if that anger caused a minute delay.
She ran through the corridors towards the EVA cages. On the way, she caught up to Shinji. Not a very fast runner it seems. Jeez…
"That fight's gonna be easy!" she exclaimed to him. "With me here, the angels are toast."
"You sound way too… enthusiastic… about that prospect," Shinji muttered between heavy breaths.
"I am!" Asuka agreed. "I'm an EVA pilot. A warrior. And I'm gonna kick that angel into orbit, like England just shot a penalty."
Unsurprisingly, that reference flew just as high over Shinji's head. Japan. I am not going to watch baseball matches, that's for sure! If she was staying any longer in that hotel room, she might have to unpack all the Turbine Potsdam and Schalke merchandise already.
"You… actually… like fighting?" Shinji asked. He sounded nonplussed. Or, as nonplussed as running allowed him to sound.
"Hell, yeah," Asuka confirmed. "And I'm good at it, as you'll see. Angels? No problems. I showed that against that overgrown trout, didn't I?"
"Well, yeah," Shinji had to admit. "Still… it's weird."
Says that guy? Hah! They had reached the EVA cages. "Less talking, more climbing into giant thought-controlled robots!"
Before Misato could even say something, she could hear Asuka on the comms. "What's the situation?"
Part of Misato, the Captain, was annoyed at the lack of communication discipline. But the other part, the guardian of Shinji and former guardian of Asuka, suppressed this annoyance. It was bad enough she had to send those kids out to fight; there was no need to also subject them to military discipline.
"I'm transmitting a visual feed to you. The Angel is that blue octahedron above the city. It's on course to its direct centre," Misato replied. To the point above the upper-most point of the Geofront. That surely was no coincidence. "You will probably have to fight as soon as you hit the surface. That's why we're sending you and Shinji in first. You two have better synch rates than Rei; your EVAs will hence have better reaction times. But we will fight with all three EVAs deployed."
"Aww, really?" Asuka complained. "I bet you I could take on that Angel alone."
"Asuka..." Misato warned her. Now both the Captain and the guardian were annoyed.
"It's what I've trained for in Germany for years, isn't it?" Asuka argued. "That wasn't just research; it was combat training. And it was for use against those things, wasn't it? And it paid off when I defeated that one angel, alone. Shinji has nearly no training at all." Shinji? I'll have to have… no, I'll have to tell Kaji to have a talk about Japanese etiquette with her. Which probably would be useless, since Asuka knew Japanese etiquette. She just cared very little about offending the sensitivities of people around her. "I want to fight!"
"You'll get to," Misato told her. "If you think you're such a hot shot, by all means attack the angel. But Shinji will have a fair stab at it, too."
"Uh, actually..." Shinji began.
Misato was relatively sure what he was about to say. And if she could make him avoid combat, she would do so. She would dearly like to do so, in fact. But sending out EVA-02 without backup was just not an option.
"Launch in ten seconds," she ordered to cut him off. "Unit 00 will join you a minute later."
All three pilots acknowledged the order.
The EVAs had not even fully reached the top when Ibuki announced loudly: "Energy build up inside the angel!"
"Specifics!" Misato bellowed.
"It's concentrating at its core and… it's focused outwards!" Ibuki yelled back.
Damn. No! "Shinji, Asuka, hold! Don't step out..."
But it was too late. Shinji's screams were already filling the loudspeakers; long, continuous, haunting screams. Asuka, of course, tried not to do the same, but to little avail. She screamed in short, throaty fits. Both their Evangelions had been hit right in the chest by concentrated energy beams. In Shinji's case, that beam even managed to fully vaporize an entire building standing in the way. In the midst of this agony, Misato hastily ordered the elevators to be lowered again.
"Hyuga, take over for me," she ordered and then set out to walk to the EVA cages. Kaji joined her. That surprised and annoyed Misato for a moment. But then, Asuka is his ward.
"And you worry about a sexual harassment suit," Kaji muttered.
"What do you mean?" Misato asked angrily. She was to worried for Shinji to put up with Kaji's antics.
"That's exactly the stuff they're sending in inspectors for," Kaji told her. "So we can watch NERV sending out children to fight. Children to suffer. Child soldiers. You just know how this will look on a report."
The two entered the elevator to the cages.
"We need these children to..." Misato began to defend herself.
"I know," Kaji interrupted her. "That's why so far nobody has said a word. Asuka is right: Officially, she was at Berlin to help in researching EVA technology, rather than to get combat training as a six year old child. Officially, using the research objects as weapons is an emergency solution. Officially, the children have no military rank, are not part of any armed forces, and could walk away at any time. Hell, that's really why we're making them go to school, isn't? We're upholding an illusion of normalcy that just isn't there. No, those aren't child soldiers, why, they're just normal students who help out at NERV after school." He shook his head with an ironic grin on his face. "We've presented the world with a lie that's easy to swallow. And because the world is so dependent on those children to defeat the angels, nobody looks too closely and everyone just upholds the lie."
Now Misato understood. Her anger at Kaji became entirely subdued when she thought through what he had said. "But if they hear the screams of a child who thinks and feels his ribcage has just been torn open…. Who certainly has all the same pain as if it had in fact been..."
"Yeah," Kaji answered. "Of course, it's just three pilots. Just three children. In Africa there are several warlords with entire companies and battalions of child soldiers. But nobody cares about Africa. Half its territory is recognized as being stateless. But the U.N. … they have become a pillar of stability since Second Impact. Maybe the pillar of global stability. The paragon of virtue that keeps the squabbling nation-states at bay. If people become aware, really aware, how a U.N. organization is using child soldiers..."
The elevator came to a halt, its door opened. They stepped out.
"Do they really care about that?" Misato asked.
"Haven't you been listening?" Kaji almost hissed back. "No national government is going to care because the lives of just three children have been destroyed. But some are out to target NERV anyway. And NERV using child soldiers will be a very welcome justification for them to try to shut the whole thing down."
"So… will this be in your report?" Misato asked. "You know why NERV is necessary. It absolutely is. I'm surprised they picked you to be an inspector, to be honest. You've been with NERV. You aren't impartial. You could just omit certain things."
"Yeah, I could," Kaji agreed. He gripped the railing of the gangway and looked over the coolant liquid filling up the room. Both Asuka and Shinji had been pulled from their entry plugs. Cranes were transporting their seats to a waiting medical team. Both were unconscious. "But would it really be fair to Asuka and to Shinji to hush up how they're suffering here? And I don't like hush-ups. You know that, Misato."
Misato formed fists and cast her view down.
I fully expect to lose any BVB fans who might have read this.
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Chapter 5 - Ramiel II
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
The world suddenly... stopped.
Whereas just a second before everything had been wild, frenzy and chaos, now there was calm and peace.
Shinji realized he was awake. And outside of his EVA, even outside of his plugsuit, wearing instead a hospital gown. He was lying in a bed looking up. Something was missing.
The pain, he realized. After intense or long lasting pain, its absence could become quite notable. The pain... Suddenly his breath became haggard as he started to remember. That intense, all-consuming pain that had come out of the middle of his body. The lava inside Mt Asama, Shamshel piercing through his arms, Sachiel stabbing his head... nothing had been as painful as that. He was shaking.
And the angel isn't dead. They're going to make me go out again and fight it. That thought felt downright apocalyptic to him. He knew physical damage to his Evangelion was not actually transferred to his body, that he could not die from it, and that the pain would go as soon as he had desynchronized, or at least after the next sleep (or blackout...) afterwards. But the thought of having to endure such pain again... the pain had been so all-encompassing that any potential repeat of it did seem like the end of the world. Something he had to avoid under all circumstances. Something that nearly made him panic by just thinking about it.
He closed his eyes and willed his breath to go slower. It was no use thinking about this. What would come, would come. So it had always been in his life: There was no point worrying about the future, because it was entirely outside of his hands.
He opened his eyes again and let his head fall to the side. To his surprise, he saw another bed there, next to his. It had obviously been recently occupied, its blanket had been pulled to the side, the way people do when they get up.
For a while, Shinji just lay there. After that disastrous fight, simply staying in bed and doing nothing was appealing. But he just could not clear his head of the fear that he would have to get out again and resume fighting. That he would feel that pain again. That made him restless. He was ashamed at how much he feared pain. He maybe was not a man yet, but he was growing up to be one. Certainly he was no small child anymore. I shouldn't fear pain. And yet... Just me being weak again. And yet... I never want to feel that pain again.
His thoughts made him jittery. He would like to just lie there and think of nothing, but apparently that was not possible. So he got up nervously. After looking around and seeing nothing of any interest in the room, he slowly and carefully opened its door to step outside.
Opposite to the room, the corridor had a window front with a view of the hospital park. Soryu was looking out of those windows.
"So... Soryu..." Shinji began.
She turned her head around. Her look was grim and annoyed. "Oh. You. So the angel got you as well?"
Shinji nodded, walked up to his side and looked out of the window. He was afraid of what she might say. Ever since the incident at Ayanami's apartment, the two had avoided each other.
Soryu turned around to the windows again as well. "I'm gonna get that damn angel. It's still out there somewhere."
"You still want to fight?" Shinji could not believe it.
"Do you think what I said before the fight was just empty talk? That I was just in it for a quick victory?" Soryu accused him. "No. I am an Evangelion pilot. A warrior. I know some battles will be painful. They always try to couch it in the nicest terms, but I know. I've accepted it."
"So what you've said is true?" Shinji asked. "That you've trained to fight for years already?"
"Since I was six," Soryu told him.
Shinji looked down. That felt... wrong, somehow. But apparently Soryu was not seeing it the same way, so instead he politely commented: "You have more experience than me." A pause. "And probably more strength. When that angel hit me... the pain..." He shook his head and whispered: "Worse than everything I've ever felt."
It took some time for Soryu to answer. "....yeah. Yeah it was."
Shinji felt surprised by her admission. But then, she sounded exhausted, and who would not be after that battle? Maybe she was for once too exhausted to shout.
"And yet... they're still going to send us out to fight again," he stated.
"Of course they are," Soryu confirmed grimly. "We have to."
"That's what they'll be saying," Shinji stated. "That it's necessary for us to fight."
"I say so," Soryu corrected him. "I know so."
That made Shinji look at her. He realized that he was seeing her for the first time without her A10 clips, which she was even wearing in school. Her face was hard and determined, as if cast in stone, with her red hair, now free of any constraints, surrounding it like a halo of fire. The modern Lady Tomoe...
"What... what makes you think so?" he asked.
"We have to prevent Third Impact, after all," she claimed. Her voice was back to normal – that is, clearly saying 'Are you an idiot?'.
"Third... Impact?" Shinji echoed.
Now Soryu turned around to look at him. "Yes. Third Impact. The reason we're fighting against the angels?" When Shinji just continued to look at her in confusion, she laughed. It was a small and somewhat bitter laugh. "They haven't told you..."
"Told me what?" Shinji demanded to know, now somewhat more lively.
"The true reason for Second Impact," Soryu answered. It sounded like she enjoyed her advantage in knowledge. "It wasn't a comet that hit Antarctica. Rather, an expedition found something there... a giant, humanoid object. That was the First Angel. During the probe, there was an explosion. That was the Second Impact. It took just one angel for that, Shinji. That's why we have to fight them. So they can't start Third Impact. And that's why they're attacking here. They want to eliminate NERV, their only credible enemy."
Shinji took a shocked step back. "So whenever we fight them...."
"Third Impact could happen," Soryu confirmed. "But also if we don't. That's why we have to kill them. That is the job of the Evangelion pilots. Three people with the weight of the world on their shoulders."
Shinji turned to look outside again. He certainly was feeling that weight now.
Soryu just chuckled, though. "You really didn't know. Bought the 'comet' line hook, line and sinker, didn't you?"
Despite his surroundings, despite the angel still being alive, despite his fears, Shinji felt he had to defend himself. "Most people do!" he exclaimed petulantly. "It's not like anyone ever told me before you."
Soryu still snickered, but it soon sounded somewhat bitter. After a while she asked: "So if you didn't know, why have you been fighting?"
Shinji continued looking out of the window. "Because I was the only one who could do the job. I didn't know the world was at stake, but... there are almost a million people in Tokyo-3. It's not the world, but..."
"Still something worth fighting for," Soryu continued grimly. Shinji was not sure if he would have worded it that way. Did I fight for a worthwhile reason? She paused. "And if you didn't know... then I suppose you really didn't train in an EVA before your first fight?"
"It was the first time I had even seen an Evangelion," Shinji insisted.
Soryu scoffed. "So you just stumbled into this whole thing blindly and just did as you were told. Well, I know the truth. Know why we have to destroy that thing. And I will. I will fight it. I'm an Evangelion pilot. That's my job."
She sounds so determined... Shinji was amazed. He breathed out. He did not have her courage, her determination, her strength. But maybe he could at least try. If really the whole world depends on it... The thought of the pain he had endured still made his stomach turn. He whispered, because he did not have the strength to say it out loud, but he did manage to say: "I'm an Evangelion pilot, too. I'll be in that battle as well."
They both looked outside the windows now, looking far away into the distance where the enemy was still waiting. Neither of them spoke a word.
This tense but still comfortable silence was interrupted by a rattling sound from the end of the corridor. To his surprise, Shinji saw Ayanami coming from there, in her plugsuit. She was pushing a cart, loaded with food, in front of her and stopped right in front of her two fellow pilots.
Without further ado she began: "I am here to brief you on the timetable of Operation Yashima. The operation will begin at 00:00. Pilots Ikari, Soryu and Ayanami will arrive at the cage by 17:30. At 18:00, Units 00, 01 and 02 will activate. At 18:05..."
"Just wait a minute there," Soryu cut in aggressively. "What is Operation Yashima?"
"Captain Katsuragi's plan to defeat the angel," Ayanami reported.
"Which is...?" Soryu demanded to know.
"Captain Katsuragi will brief you on the details," Ayanami told her. "It is imperative that you are at the EVA cages by 17:30. I have brought you food and replacement plugsuits."
Soryu laughed bitterly. "So Misato has deployed us yet again. While we weren't even conscious again yet."
"Do you have objections to the plan?" Ayanami asked her.
"To a plan I don't even know yet?" Soryu asked sarcastically. She scoffed again. "But don't worry. Since you seem to be playing courier servant for our superiors, you can tell them I'm ready. I know my duty."
Ayanami nodded. Then she looked at Shinji.
It took some time until he could interpret the gesture. When he had, he took a step back. "Of course I'll be there as well!" And more bitter and subdued: "It's not like I have a choice."
"You do," Ayanami simply said.
For a long time, no one said a word. They had come to a communication impasse... which was finally broken by Soryu when she sighed exasperated. "What do you mean by that?"
"Operation Yashima only requires two Evangelion units," Ayanami explained. "I can pilot Unit 01. Dr Akagi is already prepared to rewrite the personal data files."
"Dr Akagi..." Shinji echoed. He had not seen much of the head scientist yet. He knew she was Misato's friend, but he had only seen her in a professional capacity at NERV so far. Misato redeploys us without so much as asking us. While Dr Akagi prepared...allowed for the possibility I might leave. What did that say about those two people? What did it say about Shinji's guardian?
"I'm leaving," Ayanami announced. "Captain Katsuragi and Dr Akagi are waiting for me." She turned around, leaving the cart behind. She stopped for a moment to say, without turning around: "Goodbye, Ikari."
When she started walking again, Shinji shouted: "Wait, Ayanami!" Again, the bluehaired girl stopped without turning around. Shinji ran up to her. "You think I'm leaving?"
"With Pilot Soryu and EVA-02 present, we'll have two units available again even if you leave," Ayanami answered. "You dislike piloting. It makes sense for you to leave."
Except for what Soryu just told me. And... "Except for my promise," Shinji said quietly. Ayanami's head turned around. It was a slow, deliberate move, and yet Shinji was sure he had caught her by surprise. Shinji did not know where he had gained the sudden strength to speak so frankly, but he took it. "It still counts. And it seems in order to protect you, I'll have to pilot the Evangelion."
Asuka was annoyed.
That damn idiot!
What the hell had gotten into him to talk to her like they had known each other forever? Sure, they had both been injured by the enemy. That was why Asuka had failed to shoo him away in time. That was why she had told him what she did. And yet... I shouldn't have. That only sends the wrong signals.
It was kind of cute that he had piloted EVA even though he had not known what it was all about, had piloted it just for the sake of this overgrown annex to old Hakone... cute in a 'helpless puppy' sort of way. In a weak way, a pathetic way. He really was more serious than his classmates who were always mindlessly chatting about their newest obsessions or the newest gossip. But that did not save him from being a pathetic pawn, someone who had just blindly stumbled into the whole EVA business. Someone for whom piloting EVA meant nothing.
And yet, he had defeated two angels already. It was unfair.
Probably thinks himself oh so noble for having defended Tokyo-3. She had sensed it when they had been talking. He had lit up like an American Christmas tree when she had called that something worthwhile. Pfah. Yes, he did fight even though he did not know what was at stake. That does not make him something better. And what does it matter to him anyway? The harlot even assumed he'd leave! He whines about having to pilot EVA. For me...
For her, it was more than just her job. It was her calling. A weak idiot like Shinji would never understand what that meant, would never understand putting so much work and emotion and ambition into something. That was why she had to do something now. If Shinji really wanted to leave piloting EVA he soon would be able to. That was okay, actually. Not everyone was cut out to be a pilot. He was the outdated model; now the replacement had arrived. She had already killed one angel on the way to Japan. Now she would defeat the next one. Sure, its energy beam had hurt. But she was a soldier. Hurt was part of the job. As was victory.
Currently, she was walking EVA-02 to the temporary NERV encampments at Mt Futago. EVA-00 was behind her, and EVA-01 last in line. The towering, threatening expression of Unit 01 was undermined by its slouching walk.
With some irritation, Asuka noticed the cables on the ground. Lots of cables. Lots and lots of really big cables. There were power plants and relay stations with fewer power lines than there were cables here. Most power plants and relay stations, probably. What the hell is Misato up to?
She was not pleased when she learned the answer.
The three pilots had left their machines, which now were a bit downhill so they would be relatively easy to enter again. Misato and Dr Akagi had called them together on a stretch of road. There was electrical gear all around them and even now people were still busy setting everything up.
"The energy output of all of Japan?" Asuka echoed with Misato had just said. "Is that even possible?"
"Energy transmission is problematic, but not impossible," Dr Akagi answered. "All those cables have been laid for a reason, Asuka. Don't worry, the energy will reach the rifle."
"And we need such an energy output," Misato added. "It's the only thing that allows us to pierce the enemy's AT field. In theory, at least.
"In theory..." Asuka repeated. "Just great."
"The MAGI assures us the power output should be sufficient, but it's not like we have any other way to test this than going ahead with this operation," Misato pointed out. "We have to take the risk."
No. You mean we pilots have to take the risk. But Asuka did not say so. That came with the job, and she was eager to do that job. Misato's 'we're all in this together' rhetoric still rankled her, though.
"Aiming the rifle at the enemy will be a delicate task," Dr Akagi continued. "The positron beam will be influenced by the Earth's gravity, magnetic field and rotation and will hence not fire in a straight line. The MAGI will calculate those factors and transmit a firing solution, but it still is imperative the rifle is fired at just the right moment."
"That is why you will do the job, Asuka," Misato took over. "You have the best synch rates, so your EVA has the best reaction times."
"Yes!" Asuka celebrated. "Let's see how much that angel likes energy beams when they're aimed at it."
"You need to pull the trigger exactly as soon as the target indicators converge in the centre, understood?" Misato told her.
Asuka simply glared at her. She had done EVA rifle training since she had been seven.
"Be aware that before you can fire the rifle a second time, you'll have to wait for the unit to cool, replace the fuses and reload," Dr Akagi advised her.
Asuka quickly realized what that meant. "The angel shoots everything it perceives as a threat. If I don't destroy it with my first shot..."
"You will," Misato reassured her. Hah. Easy for you to say. If I miss I'll be killed, and that's part of your operation plan. "Rei, Unit 00 will cover Unit 02. If it becomes necessary, use the shield we issued you at headquarters. It should hold up to the enemy's beam for at least seventeen seconds."
"Understood," Rei affirmed.
Surprisingly, Shinji spoke up, even if he was barely more than muttering. "If it becomes necessary? What does that mean? Is Ayanami supposed to jump in front of that ray?"
"With the shield protecting her," Misato pointed out. "It's the only way to cover Unit 02, which will be prone in order to fire the rifle and hence otherwise completely unprotected and unable to dodge."
Asuka saw how Shinji repeatedly formed his right hand into a fist and opened it again. He looked down. "And I? What will I be doing?"
"You are our reserve," Misato told him. "To be deployed as necessary. Should Unit 00 or 02 be disabled, you'll take over the job."
Asuka laughed. "So he'll do nothing."
Misato looked away for a second. "...I had planned for him to hold the shield. He has the second highest synch rate, after all. The Commander overruled me."
Asuka laughed again. More bitterly this time. "So Daddy is protecting his little boy. Figures. All nepotism here in Japan."
"You get to shoot the angel, don't you, Asuka?" Misato reminded her. Asuka knew that tone. Misato had gone beyond just being annoyed now, but she was holding her anger back. "So what does it matter to you?"
"It means I'll need to rely on this blue-haired freak to protect me," Asuka argued. Already back in Germany she had always cared little just how annoyed or angered Misato was "And I'm not sure if she's up to the job."
"Her synch rate is more than enough to simply hold a shield," Misato pointed out. She sighed. "Look. The operation starts in half an hour. I expect all of you to be in your EVAs and ready to start action by then. I'll be in the temporary command post." With that, she turned and left.
Asuka looked at her fellow to pilots with annoyance. It really did figure. Shinji had whined and complained so much about having to pilot EVA, about facing that angel again, and now all he had to do was stand around. Silly boy. She could understand that it could be a daunting job for someone who had not trained all his life, who had simply been swept off the street by all accounts. But then he should just leave. Leave the job to the professionals. Or alternatively, grow a spine and just do the damn job. But not this wavering back and forth; it's pathetic!
"I'm sorry," Shinji was now quietly telling Rei.
"What for?" the bluenette answered.
"You'll have the most dangerous task," Shinji explained. "It should have been my task. Misato even said so. And now I can't even protect you."
This raised Asuka's suspicion. She walked close up to the two. "Protect her? What's that all about?"
Shinji's demeanour changed from subdued and quiet to more lively... and somewhat panicked. He almost jumped away from her presence "Uh, you see, it's, ah..."
"He has promised to protect me," Rei told her.
Asuka's head whirled around to her. Since Rei, of course, had not moved a single milimetre, their two faces were now close up to each other. "What? What sorta sappy nonsense is that?"
She was surprised that Shinji could make such a promise. Apparently he could pilot his EVA well enough to protect people, but from what she had seen of him she would not have expected him to approach a girl and make such a promise. But then, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. God knows what the two did after I left that dump of an apartment...
Shinji was, again, looking down and this time blushing; he certainly was in no condition to answer. Instead, the eternally unperturbed Rei did. Good in exams, can pilot an EVA, nothing shocks her... a fucking Wondergirl. Bah! The bluenette was looking right at Asuka. "It is a promise. He has held it so far. And now, I will protect you."
"Why?" Asuka exclaimed. "We don't even like each other!"
"That is irrelevant," the Wondergirl stated. "I will protect you."
She was still looking right at Asuka. Right into her eyes, in fact. Only now did Asuka notice just how red Wondergirl's eyes were. It was a bit creepy, but also kind of interesting. And Wondergirl's look was determined and calm. She means what she's saying. That did not surprise Asuka, per se, but....
She scoffed. "Like I need protection!"
She turned to walk off to her Evangelion's entry plug.
Behind her, she could hear Wondergirl saying: "Good bye," but she did not care.
Misato wasn't kidding about not being able to move.
EVA-02 lay prone, and both of its hands were holding a machine that even by EVA standards was a very large rifle indeed. I'm a sitting duck. Asuka did not like that feeling at all. She told herself over and over that it did not matter, that she would shoot first and that she would get the angel, but the uneasiness remained.
"Asuka," That was Misato through the communication system. "We're entrusting you with all the energy of Japan."
Can I have Korea as well? Asuka had a feeling she could use it. Damnit, in Germany we could've drawn from the entire European grid.
"We're counting on you!" Misato continued.
Yeah, yeah, no pressure... damnit, Misato! But in her fourteen years of life Asuka had learned that showing weakness was the surest way to summon problems, so outwardly she was the model picture of self-confidence. "You can. Don't be so dramatic, Misato, it's just a single shot!"
"If you say so..." she heard Misato mutter. And after a while, louder and more official: "Final safeties released. Load the gun, Asuka!"
Asuka did so, idly wondering why they even needed the most advanced combat system ever developed by humanity for this. For simply pulling a trigger. If it was the MAGI anyway who did the aiming, surely that was something that could be automated? Well, all the better for myself. The angel of geometry will by my first kill on Japanese soil.
"Beginning energy transmission to positron rifle," Asuka heard a male voice on the communication system. She focused on her targeting apparatus. Another male voice was counting down. "8... 7... 6... 5... 4...." Asuka thought she faintly heard Ritsuko shouting over the countdown, but her mind was too focused on the rifle in front of her to notice. "2... 1..."
"Transfer complete!" Misato announced. Not a second later the target indicators converged. Immediately, Asuka fired.
...but so did the angel.
No! Asuka saw several things at once. The pulse of light from the angel, a veritable light show above the lake separating Mt Futago from Tokyo-3, and both beams impacting the ground... both missing their target. A huge explosion rocked Tokyo-3, levelling several building blocs. At the same time, EVA-02 was rocked by another explosion. Fortunately, it was only the shockwave Asuka was feeling; there was no actual damage done to her Evangelion.
Grimly, Asuka reloaded without awaiting orders to do so. But she knew this would be pointless. Dr Akagi had explained how long reloading would take. I'm dead. But maybe I can take you Hurensohn with me. At least people would remember her as the Heroine of Mt Futago.
"What the hell happened?" Asuka shouted into the communication system.
The first response she heard was a groan. Misato sounded like she was in pain. Apparently the temporary command post had been hit considerably harder by the nearby explosion than EVA-02. Finally the Captain managed to say: "Ritsuko... Rits' says it was mutual interference. The two beams came close enough to each other to divert each other." Gravity, magnetic field, even other beams... this weapon is bullshit levels of sensitive! "Asuka..."
"Yeah I know," Asuka cut her off. "I already reloaded, but..." She trailed off. There was nothing more to say. I'll die as EVA pilot. People will remember that about me. That... was not so bad, actually. The Martyr of...
There was a sudden flash of light and then it was all over...
...except that it was not.
There was a sudden shadow in the light. Asuka managed to open her eyes again and saw the strong back of an Evangelion in front of her... Evangelion Unit 00, holding the shield in front of it.
She did it. She actually jumped into the beam. For... me? Asuka knew of course that this was simply part of the mission, but that was not what she was thinking about right now. Only that someone would actually take the metaphorical bullet for her.
She was astounded about that long enough that she realized only with some delay that the mighty shape in front of her began to fizzle at the edges. The shield! It's melting!
She looked at her targeting screen again. The indicators were still far from close to each other. Hurry up! Macht hinne, ihr gottverdammten Wichser!
She could hear pained breathing from the First Child in the communication system.
Hurry...
Suddenly, there was even more shadow inside the light of the angel's beam, and a scream over the communication system, but Asuka did not regard that. The indicators had just converged. She fired.
When she looked up again, she saw the angel half in flames and slowly falling down from the sky in the distance, but she paid no attention to that, either. Instead she looked right in front of her. EVA-01 had pushed EVA-00 out of the way and then, apparently, fallen over. Its entire left shoulder was shredded up, but that seemed to be the extent of the damage. Shinji was grunting in pain over the communication system.
...but there was no signal from EVA-00. Its entire armour looked melted, and the unit itself had fallen flat on its face.
"A... aya..." That was Shinji. He still sounded pained.
Asuka's face distorted in a grimace. Whining and saying her name won't help. Pathetic. She set out to work and had her EVA remove the half-molten armour above Unit 00's entry plug. EVA-02 peeled it off bit by bit. Finally, the unit could eject said entry plug. LCL sprayed everywhere. EVA-02 carefully laid it on the ground. Then Asuka ejected her own entry-plug.
EVA-00's one looked just as bad as its unit, just as damaged and half-molten. And the First Child was still inside. Asuka was not even thinking, but rather running on autopilot. Her previous negative feelings towards 'the harlot' were forgotten for the moment. Here there was a person who had taken the shot for her... and besides, Asuka could not have anyone die for her sake. That would only lessen her; instead of a heroine she would be the cause for a fellow pilot's death. And deep down she knew she already was not worth of Rei's actions.
The entry plug's hatch was still hot, but the gloves of Asuka's plugsuit were up for the job. At first, no matter how hard she pulled, nothing happened. Finally, the hatch's opening mechanism moved a little bit. Presumably, the heat had deformed some parts. It was possible the hatch could not be opened in this condition, but Asuka would be damned if she let that stop her.
It cost all her strength and effort, but finally, the hatch opened, and Asuka could look inside.
There, Rei lay more in her pilot seat than she sat in it, surrounded by a puddle of remaining LCL. Her eyes were closed and she was not moving.
"First! Rei! Ayanami!" Asuka shouted, unsure what to really call her but not letting that stop her. "Are you all right?"
While Asuka breathed haggardly, it took some time for Rei to move. Slowly, the bluenette's head turned and her eyes opened. She looked up.
"Grundgütiger, you scared me!" Asuka exclaimed.
"Why?" Rei asked. Even now she did not seem perturbed. "You said we don't even..."
"It's not like I like you or anything!" Asuka interrupted her. "But as you've said... it's irrelevant." Rei nodded weakly. "I'm still glad you survived the fight."
"I... am glad as well," Rei answered. "That we won the fight."
It did not sound very convinced, though it was of course hard to tell with the First Child. Before Asuka could wonder any further about this, she heard a half-shouted, half-grunted "Ayanami!" from outside. She got her head out of the entry-plug and saw Shinji running towards it. He still held his left shoulder, but he seemed to have no physical problems; was still a rather weak runner but he did run without problems.
"She's fine," Asuka told him when he had approached. She could not help but to sound dismissive.
Of course, that did not stop him from sticking his head inside the entry plug. Asuka soon heard soft whimpers from inside. Shinji's shoulders were shaking.
He's crying. Asuka muttered, half to herself: "You care about her that much?"
He hastily withdrew from the entry-plug. He positioned himself in front of her, and then bowed rigidly. "Thank you for taking care of Ayanami while I was still in my EVA."
Asuka made a confused grimace. She knew about bowing and its different variants and all that, of course, but seeing it in action was still weird. And that it was directed towards her made her uncomfortable. She could see that he was sincere. One takes the shot for me, the other thanks me so profoundly... It confused her. Even if she would never admit to it, she had little experience with people acting that way, doing things for her.
Asuka coughed to overplay her emotions. "Yeah well, we need to get the First out of there. Which we could already have done if you had only shown up a bit earlier, you know!"
"I'm sorry..." Shinji muttered.
What? She had not actually intended to accuse him. After all, he himself had been injured in the fight. If it were not for that he probably would have been so quickly at EVA-00s entry plug that NERV's sensors would have detected a Doppler shift. And that was something he could have brought up in his defence. Instead, he merely apologized. How... weak.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Asuka said. "Think you're up for the job now, at least? I don't think the First is quite ready to walk to the Command Post alone, and she needs medical attention. We'll have to support her. Carry her, maybe."
"It's just some phantom pain in my shoulder," Shinji told her. "It's fading. I can..."
"I didn't ask for your medical history," Asuka told him. "Let's go then."
Gettting the First Child out of the entry-plug was a bit awkward. She could move and walk on her own, but she was very weak. After she had gotten up from her seat, Asuka and Shinji basically had to pull her outside. Then they took her in the middle of them, her arms over their shoulders, so that she could be supported.
Why am I doing this? I only wanted to check on the First. Oh well. Can't back out now. Besides, who knows what sort of perverted activities would ensue if I simply let Shinji carry her. Asuka looked over to her. At least she's wearing something now. Even if these plugsuits sure are flimsy. They were, mostly, very thin, so whenever Wondergirl leaned against Asuka it felt like there was nothing much in the way.
"Ikari," Rei spoke up. "Why were you crying?"
What sorta stupid question is that? Shinji did not seem to mind, did not even seem surprised at such a question. He just answered: "I was happy. I am happy."
After a period of silence, the First Child spoke up again: "I am sorry. I do not know what to do or feel in a time like this."
You gotta be kidding me! What is she, an alien? Before Shinji could answer, Asuka barged in: "How about, oh I don't know... be damn happy yourself? How about trying to simply smile, idiot?"
Rei looked at her, then at Shinji. The Third Child had a faint smile himself on his face and confirmed softly: "Yeah. Try smiling, Ayanami."
A second later, Shinji nearly missed a step. Herr im Himmel, can he be any more obvious? What does he even see in her? Then Rei turned her head around and smiled at Asuka.
Asuka was surprised enough that she nearly lost her hold on the First Child. It was a facial expression she had never before seen on her. She had to admit it looked kind of cute. Helpless puppy kind of cute again, to be sure, but still very unexpected from Rei.
"And since we're handing out life advice here," Asuka said haughtily. "Don't say 'good bye' before going on missions. That's way too damn final."
For those wondering why Asuka would even know that much about Second Impact (it's still a distorted story, of course), well, she shows the same level of knowledge in the manga. And it makes sense to me: Since it is still a lie, someone at NERV could have safely told her the story. She is after all a college graduate who could have started to ask too many questions...
Whereas just a second before everything had been wild, frenzy and chaos, now there was calm and peace.
Shinji realized he was awake. And outside of his EVA, even outside of his plugsuit, wearing instead a hospital gown. He was lying in a bed looking up. Something was missing.
The pain, he realized. After intense or long lasting pain, its absence could become quite notable. The pain... Suddenly his breath became haggard as he started to remember. That intense, all-consuming pain that had come out of the middle of his body. The lava inside Mt Asama, Shamshel piercing through his arms, Sachiel stabbing his head... nothing had been as painful as that. He was shaking.
And the angel isn't dead. They're going to make me go out again and fight it. That thought felt downright apocalyptic to him. He knew physical damage to his Evangelion was not actually transferred to his body, that he could not die from it, and that the pain would go as soon as he had desynchronized, or at least after the next sleep (or blackout...) afterwards. But the thought of having to endure such pain again... the pain had been so all-encompassing that any potential repeat of it did seem like the end of the world. Something he had to avoid under all circumstances. Something that nearly made him panic by just thinking about it.
He closed his eyes and willed his breath to go slower. It was no use thinking about this. What would come, would come. So it had always been in his life: There was no point worrying about the future, because it was entirely outside of his hands.
He opened his eyes again and let his head fall to the side. To his surprise, he saw another bed there, next to his. It had obviously been recently occupied, its blanket had been pulled to the side, the way people do when they get up.
For a while, Shinji just lay there. After that disastrous fight, simply staying in bed and doing nothing was appealing. But he just could not clear his head of the fear that he would have to get out again and resume fighting. That he would feel that pain again. That made him restless. He was ashamed at how much he feared pain. He maybe was not a man yet, but he was growing up to be one. Certainly he was no small child anymore. I shouldn't fear pain. And yet... Just me being weak again. And yet... I never want to feel that pain again.
His thoughts made him jittery. He would like to just lie there and think of nothing, but apparently that was not possible. So he got up nervously. After looking around and seeing nothing of any interest in the room, he slowly and carefully opened its door to step outside.
Opposite to the room, the corridor had a window front with a view of the hospital park. Soryu was looking out of those windows.
"So... Soryu..." Shinji began.
She turned her head around. Her look was grim and annoyed. "Oh. You. So the angel got you as well?"
Shinji nodded, walked up to his side and looked out of the window. He was afraid of what she might say. Ever since the incident at Ayanami's apartment, the two had avoided each other.
Soryu turned around to the windows again as well. "I'm gonna get that damn angel. It's still out there somewhere."
"You still want to fight?" Shinji could not believe it.
"Do you think what I said before the fight was just empty talk? That I was just in it for a quick victory?" Soryu accused him. "No. I am an Evangelion pilot. A warrior. I know some battles will be painful. They always try to couch it in the nicest terms, but I know. I've accepted it."
"So what you've said is true?" Shinji asked. "That you've trained to fight for years already?"
"Since I was six," Soryu told him.
Shinji looked down. That felt... wrong, somehow. But apparently Soryu was not seeing it the same way, so instead he politely commented: "You have more experience than me." A pause. "And probably more strength. When that angel hit me... the pain..." He shook his head and whispered: "Worse than everything I've ever felt."
It took some time for Soryu to answer. "....yeah. Yeah it was."
Shinji felt surprised by her admission. But then, she sounded exhausted, and who would not be after that battle? Maybe she was for once too exhausted to shout.
"And yet... they're still going to send us out to fight again," he stated.
"Of course they are," Soryu confirmed grimly. "We have to."
"That's what they'll be saying," Shinji stated. "That it's necessary for us to fight."
"I say so," Soryu corrected him. "I know so."
That made Shinji look at her. He realized that he was seeing her for the first time without her A10 clips, which she was even wearing in school. Her face was hard and determined, as if cast in stone, with her red hair, now free of any constraints, surrounding it like a halo of fire. The modern Lady Tomoe...
"What... what makes you think so?" he asked.
"We have to prevent Third Impact, after all," she claimed. Her voice was back to normal – that is, clearly saying 'Are you an idiot?'.
"Third... Impact?" Shinji echoed.
Now Soryu turned around to look at him. "Yes. Third Impact. The reason we're fighting against the angels?" When Shinji just continued to look at her in confusion, she laughed. It was a small and somewhat bitter laugh. "They haven't told you..."
"Told me what?" Shinji demanded to know, now somewhat more lively.
"The true reason for Second Impact," Soryu answered. It sounded like she enjoyed her advantage in knowledge. "It wasn't a comet that hit Antarctica. Rather, an expedition found something there... a giant, humanoid object. That was the First Angel. During the probe, there was an explosion. That was the Second Impact. It took just one angel for that, Shinji. That's why we have to fight them. So they can't start Third Impact. And that's why they're attacking here. They want to eliminate NERV, their only credible enemy."
Shinji took a shocked step back. "So whenever we fight them...."
"Third Impact could happen," Soryu confirmed. "But also if we don't. That's why we have to kill them. That is the job of the Evangelion pilots. Three people with the weight of the world on their shoulders."
Shinji turned to look outside again. He certainly was feeling that weight now.
Soryu just chuckled, though. "You really didn't know. Bought the 'comet' line hook, line and sinker, didn't you?"
Despite his surroundings, despite the angel still being alive, despite his fears, Shinji felt he had to defend himself. "Most people do!" he exclaimed petulantly. "It's not like anyone ever told me before you."
Soryu still snickered, but it soon sounded somewhat bitter. After a while she asked: "So if you didn't know, why have you been fighting?"
Shinji continued looking out of the window. "Because I was the only one who could do the job. I didn't know the world was at stake, but... there are almost a million people in Tokyo-3. It's not the world, but..."
"Still something worth fighting for," Soryu continued grimly. Shinji was not sure if he would have worded it that way. Did I fight for a worthwhile reason? She paused. "And if you didn't know... then I suppose you really didn't train in an EVA before your first fight?"
"It was the first time I had even seen an Evangelion," Shinji insisted.
Soryu scoffed. "So you just stumbled into this whole thing blindly and just did as you were told. Well, I know the truth. Know why we have to destroy that thing. And I will. I will fight it. I'm an Evangelion pilot. That's my job."
She sounds so determined... Shinji was amazed. He breathed out. He did not have her courage, her determination, her strength. But maybe he could at least try. If really the whole world depends on it... The thought of the pain he had endured still made his stomach turn. He whispered, because he did not have the strength to say it out loud, but he did manage to say: "I'm an Evangelion pilot, too. I'll be in that battle as well."
They both looked outside the windows now, looking far away into the distance where the enemy was still waiting. Neither of them spoke a word.
This tense but still comfortable silence was interrupted by a rattling sound from the end of the corridor. To his surprise, Shinji saw Ayanami coming from there, in her plugsuit. She was pushing a cart, loaded with food, in front of her and stopped right in front of her two fellow pilots.
Without further ado she began: "I am here to brief you on the timetable of Operation Yashima. The operation will begin at 00:00. Pilots Ikari, Soryu and Ayanami will arrive at the cage by 17:30. At 18:00, Units 00, 01 and 02 will activate. At 18:05..."
"Just wait a minute there," Soryu cut in aggressively. "What is Operation Yashima?"
"Captain Katsuragi's plan to defeat the angel," Ayanami reported.
"Which is...?" Soryu demanded to know.
"Captain Katsuragi will brief you on the details," Ayanami told her. "It is imperative that you are at the EVA cages by 17:30. I have brought you food and replacement plugsuits."
Soryu laughed bitterly. "So Misato has deployed us yet again. While we weren't even conscious again yet."
"Do you have objections to the plan?" Ayanami asked her.
"To a plan I don't even know yet?" Soryu asked sarcastically. She scoffed again. "But don't worry. Since you seem to be playing courier servant for our superiors, you can tell them I'm ready. I know my duty."
Ayanami nodded. Then she looked at Shinji.
It took some time until he could interpret the gesture. When he had, he took a step back. "Of course I'll be there as well!" And more bitter and subdued: "It's not like I have a choice."
"You do," Ayanami simply said.
For a long time, no one said a word. They had come to a communication impasse... which was finally broken by Soryu when she sighed exasperated. "What do you mean by that?"
"Operation Yashima only requires two Evangelion units," Ayanami explained. "I can pilot Unit 01. Dr Akagi is already prepared to rewrite the personal data files."
"Dr Akagi..." Shinji echoed. He had not seen much of the head scientist yet. He knew she was Misato's friend, but he had only seen her in a professional capacity at NERV so far. Misato redeploys us without so much as asking us. While Dr Akagi prepared...allowed for the possibility I might leave. What did that say about those two people? What did it say about Shinji's guardian?
"I'm leaving," Ayanami announced. "Captain Katsuragi and Dr Akagi are waiting for me." She turned around, leaving the cart behind. She stopped for a moment to say, without turning around: "Goodbye, Ikari."
When she started walking again, Shinji shouted: "Wait, Ayanami!" Again, the bluehaired girl stopped without turning around. Shinji ran up to her. "You think I'm leaving?"
"With Pilot Soryu and EVA-02 present, we'll have two units available again even if you leave," Ayanami answered. "You dislike piloting. It makes sense for you to leave."
Except for what Soryu just told me. And... "Except for my promise," Shinji said quietly. Ayanami's head turned around. It was a slow, deliberate move, and yet Shinji was sure he had caught her by surprise. Shinji did not know where he had gained the sudden strength to speak so frankly, but he took it. "It still counts. And it seems in order to protect you, I'll have to pilot the Evangelion."
Asuka was annoyed.
That damn idiot!
What the hell had gotten into him to talk to her like they had known each other forever? Sure, they had both been injured by the enemy. That was why Asuka had failed to shoo him away in time. That was why she had told him what she did. And yet... I shouldn't have. That only sends the wrong signals.
It was kind of cute that he had piloted EVA even though he had not known what it was all about, had piloted it just for the sake of this overgrown annex to old Hakone... cute in a 'helpless puppy' sort of way. In a weak way, a pathetic way. He really was more serious than his classmates who were always mindlessly chatting about their newest obsessions or the newest gossip. But that did not save him from being a pathetic pawn, someone who had just blindly stumbled into the whole EVA business. Someone for whom piloting EVA meant nothing.
And yet, he had defeated two angels already. It was unfair.
Probably thinks himself oh so noble for having defended Tokyo-3. She had sensed it when they had been talking. He had lit up like an American Christmas tree when she had called that something worthwhile. Pfah. Yes, he did fight even though he did not know what was at stake. That does not make him something better. And what does it matter to him anyway? The harlot even assumed he'd leave! He whines about having to pilot EVA. For me...
For her, it was more than just her job. It was her calling. A weak idiot like Shinji would never understand what that meant, would never understand putting so much work and emotion and ambition into something. That was why she had to do something now. If Shinji really wanted to leave piloting EVA he soon would be able to. That was okay, actually. Not everyone was cut out to be a pilot. He was the outdated model; now the replacement had arrived. She had already killed one angel on the way to Japan. Now she would defeat the next one. Sure, its energy beam had hurt. But she was a soldier. Hurt was part of the job. As was victory.
Currently, she was walking EVA-02 to the temporary NERV encampments at Mt Futago. EVA-00 was behind her, and EVA-01 last in line. The towering, threatening expression of Unit 01 was undermined by its slouching walk.
With some irritation, Asuka noticed the cables on the ground. Lots of cables. Lots and lots of really big cables. There were power plants and relay stations with fewer power lines than there were cables here. Most power plants and relay stations, probably. What the hell is Misato up to?
She was not pleased when she learned the answer.
The three pilots had left their machines, which now were a bit downhill so they would be relatively easy to enter again. Misato and Dr Akagi had called them together on a stretch of road. There was electrical gear all around them and even now people were still busy setting everything up.
"The energy output of all of Japan?" Asuka echoed with Misato had just said. "Is that even possible?"
"Energy transmission is problematic, but not impossible," Dr Akagi answered. "All those cables have been laid for a reason, Asuka. Don't worry, the energy will reach the rifle."
"And we need such an energy output," Misato added. "It's the only thing that allows us to pierce the enemy's AT field. In theory, at least.
"In theory..." Asuka repeated. "Just great."
"The MAGI assures us the power output should be sufficient, but it's not like we have any other way to test this than going ahead with this operation," Misato pointed out. "We have to take the risk."
No. You mean we pilots have to take the risk. But Asuka did not say so. That came with the job, and she was eager to do that job. Misato's 'we're all in this together' rhetoric still rankled her, though.
"Aiming the rifle at the enemy will be a delicate task," Dr Akagi continued. "The positron beam will be influenced by the Earth's gravity, magnetic field and rotation and will hence not fire in a straight line. The MAGI will calculate those factors and transmit a firing solution, but it still is imperative the rifle is fired at just the right moment."
"That is why you will do the job, Asuka," Misato took over. "You have the best synch rates, so your EVA has the best reaction times."
"Yes!" Asuka celebrated. "Let's see how much that angel likes energy beams when they're aimed at it."
"You need to pull the trigger exactly as soon as the target indicators converge in the centre, understood?" Misato told her.
Asuka simply glared at her. She had done EVA rifle training since she had been seven.
"Be aware that before you can fire the rifle a second time, you'll have to wait for the unit to cool, replace the fuses and reload," Dr Akagi advised her.
Asuka quickly realized what that meant. "The angel shoots everything it perceives as a threat. If I don't destroy it with my first shot..."
"You will," Misato reassured her. Hah. Easy for you to say. If I miss I'll be killed, and that's part of your operation plan. "Rei, Unit 00 will cover Unit 02. If it becomes necessary, use the shield we issued you at headquarters. It should hold up to the enemy's beam for at least seventeen seconds."
"Understood," Rei affirmed.
Surprisingly, Shinji spoke up, even if he was barely more than muttering. "If it becomes necessary? What does that mean? Is Ayanami supposed to jump in front of that ray?"
"With the shield protecting her," Misato pointed out. "It's the only way to cover Unit 02, which will be prone in order to fire the rifle and hence otherwise completely unprotected and unable to dodge."
Asuka saw how Shinji repeatedly formed his right hand into a fist and opened it again. He looked down. "And I? What will I be doing?"
"You are our reserve," Misato told him. "To be deployed as necessary. Should Unit 00 or 02 be disabled, you'll take over the job."
Asuka laughed. "So he'll do nothing."
Misato looked away for a second. "...I had planned for him to hold the shield. He has the second highest synch rate, after all. The Commander overruled me."
Asuka laughed again. More bitterly this time. "So Daddy is protecting his little boy. Figures. All nepotism here in Japan."
"You get to shoot the angel, don't you, Asuka?" Misato reminded her. Asuka knew that tone. Misato had gone beyond just being annoyed now, but she was holding her anger back. "So what does it matter to you?"
"It means I'll need to rely on this blue-haired freak to protect me," Asuka argued. Already back in Germany she had always cared little just how annoyed or angered Misato was "And I'm not sure if she's up to the job."
"Her synch rate is more than enough to simply hold a shield," Misato pointed out. She sighed. "Look. The operation starts in half an hour. I expect all of you to be in your EVAs and ready to start action by then. I'll be in the temporary command post." With that, she turned and left.
Asuka looked at her fellow to pilots with annoyance. It really did figure. Shinji had whined and complained so much about having to pilot EVA, about facing that angel again, and now all he had to do was stand around. Silly boy. She could understand that it could be a daunting job for someone who had not trained all his life, who had simply been swept off the street by all accounts. But then he should just leave. Leave the job to the professionals. Or alternatively, grow a spine and just do the damn job. But not this wavering back and forth; it's pathetic!
"I'm sorry," Shinji was now quietly telling Rei.
"What for?" the bluenette answered.
"You'll have the most dangerous task," Shinji explained. "It should have been my task. Misato even said so. And now I can't even protect you."
This raised Asuka's suspicion. She walked close up to the two. "Protect her? What's that all about?"
Shinji's demeanour changed from subdued and quiet to more lively... and somewhat panicked. He almost jumped away from her presence "Uh, you see, it's, ah..."
"He has promised to protect me," Rei told her.
Asuka's head whirled around to her. Since Rei, of course, had not moved a single milimetre, their two faces were now close up to each other. "What? What sorta sappy nonsense is that?"
She was surprised that Shinji could make such a promise. Apparently he could pilot his EVA well enough to protect people, but from what she had seen of him she would not have expected him to approach a girl and make such a promise. But then, maybe I shouldn't be surprised. God knows what the two did after I left that dump of an apartment...
Shinji was, again, looking down and this time blushing; he certainly was in no condition to answer. Instead, the eternally unperturbed Rei did. Good in exams, can pilot an EVA, nothing shocks her... a fucking Wondergirl. Bah! The bluenette was looking right at Asuka. "It is a promise. He has held it so far. And now, I will protect you."
"Why?" Asuka exclaimed. "We don't even like each other!"
"That is irrelevant," the Wondergirl stated. "I will protect you."
She was still looking right at Asuka. Right into her eyes, in fact. Only now did Asuka notice just how red Wondergirl's eyes were. It was a bit creepy, but also kind of interesting. And Wondergirl's look was determined and calm. She means what she's saying. That did not surprise Asuka, per se, but....
She scoffed. "Like I need protection!"
She turned to walk off to her Evangelion's entry plug.
Behind her, she could hear Wondergirl saying: "Good bye," but she did not care.
Misato wasn't kidding about not being able to move.
EVA-02 lay prone, and both of its hands were holding a machine that even by EVA standards was a very large rifle indeed. I'm a sitting duck. Asuka did not like that feeling at all. She told herself over and over that it did not matter, that she would shoot first and that she would get the angel, but the uneasiness remained.
"Asuka," That was Misato through the communication system. "We're entrusting you with all the energy of Japan."
Can I have Korea as well? Asuka had a feeling she could use it. Damnit, in Germany we could've drawn from the entire European grid.
"We're counting on you!" Misato continued.
Yeah, yeah, no pressure... damnit, Misato! But in her fourteen years of life Asuka had learned that showing weakness was the surest way to summon problems, so outwardly she was the model picture of self-confidence. "You can. Don't be so dramatic, Misato, it's just a single shot!"
"If you say so..." she heard Misato mutter. And after a while, louder and more official: "Final safeties released. Load the gun, Asuka!"
Asuka did so, idly wondering why they even needed the most advanced combat system ever developed by humanity for this. For simply pulling a trigger. If it was the MAGI anyway who did the aiming, surely that was something that could be automated? Well, all the better for myself. The angel of geometry will by my first kill on Japanese soil.
"Beginning energy transmission to positron rifle," Asuka heard a male voice on the communication system. She focused on her targeting apparatus. Another male voice was counting down. "8... 7... 6... 5... 4...." Asuka thought she faintly heard Ritsuko shouting over the countdown, but her mind was too focused on the rifle in front of her to notice. "2... 1..."
"Transfer complete!" Misato announced. Not a second later the target indicators converged. Immediately, Asuka fired.
...but so did the angel.
No! Asuka saw several things at once. The pulse of light from the angel, a veritable light show above the lake separating Mt Futago from Tokyo-3, and both beams impacting the ground... both missing their target. A huge explosion rocked Tokyo-3, levelling several building blocs. At the same time, EVA-02 was rocked by another explosion. Fortunately, it was only the shockwave Asuka was feeling; there was no actual damage done to her Evangelion.
Grimly, Asuka reloaded without awaiting orders to do so. But she knew this would be pointless. Dr Akagi had explained how long reloading would take. I'm dead. But maybe I can take you Hurensohn with me. At least people would remember her as the Heroine of Mt Futago.
"What the hell happened?" Asuka shouted into the communication system.
The first response she heard was a groan. Misato sounded like she was in pain. Apparently the temporary command post had been hit considerably harder by the nearby explosion than EVA-02. Finally the Captain managed to say: "Ritsuko... Rits' says it was mutual interference. The two beams came close enough to each other to divert each other." Gravity, magnetic field, even other beams... this weapon is bullshit levels of sensitive! "Asuka..."
"Yeah I know," Asuka cut her off. "I already reloaded, but..." She trailed off. There was nothing more to say. I'll die as EVA pilot. People will remember that about me. That... was not so bad, actually. The Martyr of...
There was a sudden flash of light and then it was all over...
...except that it was not.
There was a sudden shadow in the light. Asuka managed to open her eyes again and saw the strong back of an Evangelion in front of her... Evangelion Unit 00, holding the shield in front of it.
She did it. She actually jumped into the beam. For... me? Asuka knew of course that this was simply part of the mission, but that was not what she was thinking about right now. Only that someone would actually take the metaphorical bullet for her.
She was astounded about that long enough that she realized only with some delay that the mighty shape in front of her began to fizzle at the edges. The shield! It's melting!
She looked at her targeting screen again. The indicators were still far from close to each other. Hurry up! Macht hinne, ihr gottverdammten Wichser!
She could hear pained breathing from the First Child in the communication system.
Hurry...
Suddenly, there was even more shadow inside the light of the angel's beam, and a scream over the communication system, but Asuka did not regard that. The indicators had just converged. She fired.
When she looked up again, she saw the angel half in flames and slowly falling down from the sky in the distance, but she paid no attention to that, either. Instead she looked right in front of her. EVA-01 had pushed EVA-00 out of the way and then, apparently, fallen over. Its entire left shoulder was shredded up, but that seemed to be the extent of the damage. Shinji was grunting in pain over the communication system.
...but there was no signal from EVA-00. Its entire armour looked melted, and the unit itself had fallen flat on its face.
"A... aya..." That was Shinji. He still sounded pained.
Asuka's face distorted in a grimace. Whining and saying her name won't help. Pathetic. She set out to work and had her EVA remove the half-molten armour above Unit 00's entry plug. EVA-02 peeled it off bit by bit. Finally, the unit could eject said entry plug. LCL sprayed everywhere. EVA-02 carefully laid it on the ground. Then Asuka ejected her own entry-plug.
EVA-00's one looked just as bad as its unit, just as damaged and half-molten. And the First Child was still inside. Asuka was not even thinking, but rather running on autopilot. Her previous negative feelings towards 'the harlot' were forgotten for the moment. Here there was a person who had taken the shot for her... and besides, Asuka could not have anyone die for her sake. That would only lessen her; instead of a heroine she would be the cause for a fellow pilot's death. And deep down she knew she already was not worth of Rei's actions.
The entry plug's hatch was still hot, but the gloves of Asuka's plugsuit were up for the job. At first, no matter how hard she pulled, nothing happened. Finally, the hatch's opening mechanism moved a little bit. Presumably, the heat had deformed some parts. It was possible the hatch could not be opened in this condition, but Asuka would be damned if she let that stop her.
It cost all her strength and effort, but finally, the hatch opened, and Asuka could look inside.
There, Rei lay more in her pilot seat than she sat in it, surrounded by a puddle of remaining LCL. Her eyes were closed and she was not moving.
"First! Rei! Ayanami!" Asuka shouted, unsure what to really call her but not letting that stop her. "Are you all right?"
While Asuka breathed haggardly, it took some time for Rei to move. Slowly, the bluenette's head turned and her eyes opened. She looked up.
"Grundgütiger, you scared me!" Asuka exclaimed.
"Why?" Rei asked. Even now she did not seem perturbed. "You said we don't even..."
"It's not like I like you or anything!" Asuka interrupted her. "But as you've said... it's irrelevant." Rei nodded weakly. "I'm still glad you survived the fight."
"I... am glad as well," Rei answered. "That we won the fight."
It did not sound very convinced, though it was of course hard to tell with the First Child. Before Asuka could wonder any further about this, she heard a half-shouted, half-grunted "Ayanami!" from outside. She got her head out of the entry-plug and saw Shinji running towards it. He still held his left shoulder, but he seemed to have no physical problems; was still a rather weak runner but he did run without problems.
"She's fine," Asuka told him when he had approached. She could not help but to sound dismissive.
Of course, that did not stop him from sticking his head inside the entry plug. Asuka soon heard soft whimpers from inside. Shinji's shoulders were shaking.
He's crying. Asuka muttered, half to herself: "You care about her that much?"
He hastily withdrew from the entry-plug. He positioned himself in front of her, and then bowed rigidly. "Thank you for taking care of Ayanami while I was still in my EVA."
Asuka made a confused grimace. She knew about bowing and its different variants and all that, of course, but seeing it in action was still weird. And that it was directed towards her made her uncomfortable. She could see that he was sincere. One takes the shot for me, the other thanks me so profoundly... It confused her. Even if she would never admit to it, she had little experience with people acting that way, doing things for her.
Asuka coughed to overplay her emotions. "Yeah well, we need to get the First out of there. Which we could already have done if you had only shown up a bit earlier, you know!"
"I'm sorry..." Shinji muttered.
What? She had not actually intended to accuse him. After all, he himself had been injured in the fight. If it were not for that he probably would have been so quickly at EVA-00s entry plug that NERV's sensors would have detected a Doppler shift. And that was something he could have brought up in his defence. Instead, he merely apologized. How... weak.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Asuka said. "Think you're up for the job now, at least? I don't think the First is quite ready to walk to the Command Post alone, and she needs medical attention. We'll have to support her. Carry her, maybe."
"It's just some phantom pain in my shoulder," Shinji told her. "It's fading. I can..."
"I didn't ask for your medical history," Asuka told him. "Let's go then."
Gettting the First Child out of the entry-plug was a bit awkward. She could move and walk on her own, but she was very weak. After she had gotten up from her seat, Asuka and Shinji basically had to pull her outside. Then they took her in the middle of them, her arms over their shoulders, so that she could be supported.
Why am I doing this? I only wanted to check on the First. Oh well. Can't back out now. Besides, who knows what sort of perverted activities would ensue if I simply let Shinji carry her. Asuka looked over to her. At least she's wearing something now. Even if these plugsuits sure are flimsy. They were, mostly, very thin, so whenever Wondergirl leaned against Asuka it felt like there was nothing much in the way.
"Ikari," Rei spoke up. "Why were you crying?"
What sorta stupid question is that? Shinji did not seem to mind, did not even seem surprised at such a question. He just answered: "I was happy. I am happy."
After a period of silence, the First Child spoke up again: "I am sorry. I do not know what to do or feel in a time like this."
You gotta be kidding me! What is she, an alien? Before Shinji could answer, Asuka barged in: "How about, oh I don't know... be damn happy yourself? How about trying to simply smile, idiot?"
Rei looked at her, then at Shinji. The Third Child had a faint smile himself on his face and confirmed softly: "Yeah. Try smiling, Ayanami."
A second later, Shinji nearly missed a step. Herr im Himmel, can he be any more obvious? What does he even see in her? Then Rei turned her head around and smiled at Asuka.
Asuka was surprised enough that she nearly lost her hold on the First Child. It was a facial expression she had never before seen on her. She had to admit it looked kind of cute. Helpless puppy kind of cute again, to be sure, but still very unexpected from Rei.
"And since we're handing out life advice here," Asuka said haughtily. "Don't say 'good bye' before going on missions. That's way too damn final."
For those wondering why Asuka would even know that much about Second Impact (it's still a distorted story, of course), well, she shows the same level of knowledge in the manga. And it makes sense to me: Since it is still a lie, someone at NERV could have safely told her the story. She is after all a college graduate who could have started to ask too many questions...
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Chapter 6 - Purpose
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Misato had made extra sure to come home timely today. She doubted Shinji had done anything amiss while she had been at work; he was not the sort of boy for that. Still, it was the day after the battle, and she needed to check up on him. He had not gone to school today, as she had told him to just rest. After all, once again he had been involved in saving the world.
"I'm home," she announced cheerfully as she walked through the door.
There was no response. That was odd; even when he was in his room Shinji usually answered. Except when he's listening to that damn music player, of course. Ah well. She had told him to rest, after all, and if that was his way of doing it, then that was fine.
She sat down at the kitchen table and unpacked what she had brought along from NERV. The price of going home early: Paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. But she could indeed do that at home. Most of it were just reports she had to acknowledge and sign, anyway. Most of those concerned the damage to the city: In the last seconds of the battle, the angel, now officially dubbed 'Ramiel', had broken through the Geofront armour. Even worse was the damage caused by the missed positron rifle shot and by Ramiel's impact onto the ground. Right in the centre of Tokyo-3, there now was a giant hole surrounded by several flattened blocs of buildings. NERV would have to close the hole, and the municipal government would have to be basically reconstruct the entire inner city.
Misato was vaguely glad that it was Asuka who had fired those shots. Shinji might have inquired about civilian casualties, 'collateral damage' as the military euphemism went. And while nearly all civilians had in fact been evacuated, the missed shot and Ramiel's crash had caused a few dozen deaths. Asuka is better suited to bearing this, but I still won't tell her unless she asks. Misato hoped she would not.
Shinji came out of his room just in time to begin preparing dinner. He just passed by her without greeting, without even acknowledging her. That was... more than just odd. In fact, such impoliteness was as un-Shinji as it could get. Misato looked up from her work to watch him. There clearly was something on his mind, and she waited for him to tell her. She did not intend to push him about it; that was not the right way with him. After all the boy had to go through, Shinji needed a safe space, not additional pressure. Hence she also would not complain about the rudeness. She did not really care about all that politeness stuff herself, and Shinji had better things to focus on.
Misato packed the papers away and prepared the table just in time for Shinji to put the meal on it. He did so without his usual care, almost ramming the pot onto the table. Misato noticed how stiff he was.
He's angry. But of course he won't say anything. "Thank you for the meal," she said.
Shinji just nodded and began eating, his view focused entirely on his plate. Misato also took some spoonfuls, but after a while the tense silence began to grate on her. She began to worry about Shinji.
"Shinji, is something the matter?" she inquired.
Predictably, the boy just shook his head.
Misato laid down her spoon. "Shinji, if you really don't want to tell me, that's fine. But you're obviously angry. If you're angry at someone else, just vent at me, I promise I won't tell them. If you're angry at me... well, just vent regardless. Maybe I did do something wrong." And I'd dearly like to know what.
" 'Maybe'?" Shinji echoed, still looking down, a subdued anger now clearly in his voice.
"So it's me," Misato stated flatly. "Well, I can't improve myself if you don't tell me what I did wrong."
"It's nothing," Shinji muttered. And after a while: "You are the Operations Director, after all"
Ahhh. "Yes, I am," Misato agreed hesitantly. Then she had an idea. It helps that I'm not overly proud. "But I'm also your guardian. You can tell your guardian what that bitch at NERV did this time."
That at least got Shinji to look up in surprise. Good. It still took about two minutes of him just stirring his soup until he answered, once again with his head lowered: "Misato, why did you just redeploy us?"
"Hm?" Misato prompted him to go on.
"After the first fight with the angel," Shinji explained."Do you know how much it hurts to... and then you already redeployed us while we were still unconscious!" Finally his voice got louder. "You didn't even ask us. Didn't even tell us. You just sent Ayanami to present us with a done deal."
Misato furrowed her brows. She looked down so that Shinji would not immediately catch that. He was right. She had devised her plan while he and Asuka still were unconscious, and when she had heard they were awake she had simply pushed on with it. She had known exactly what she was doing, even while Ritsuko had still raised doubts whether Shinji would pilot again at all.
"You came to the train station. I thought then you did care," Shinji now almost whispered. "But now, you're just using me as a tool again. All of us. Dr Akagi was ready to reconfigure EVA-01, to let me go. While you..." He shook his head.
"Shinji... of course I planned for three Units," Misato told him. "But if you had refused to pilot, I... I wouldn't have held it against you."
"Really?" Shinji asked flatly and subdued. After a pause he went on: "If I had told you right then and there I'd go, you wouldn't have tried to convince me otherwise, wouldn't have tried to save your plan?"
Misato looked down again. She could not lie in this. In the end, Shinji had become merely the reserve pilot in the mission, but her initial plan had called for him to hold the shield. And if he had walked out of that... she would have tried to convince him otherwise. Probably would even have shamed him into staying. With victory or defeat over an angel at stake... with an angel in sights as her prey...
Right then and there, Shinji had just been a tool for her. She understood what he was complaining about: That she had simply expected him to continue to pilot. So she remained quiet.
He did not comment, did not gloat in his rhetorical victory. Instead, he just continued eating. He did not even seem particularly sad.
She still made one last, feeble attempt to defend herself: "My job at NERV comes with certain necessities...."
Uncharacteristically, Shinji interrupted her loudly: "Was it also necessary to nearly kill Ayanami?"
That took Misato aback. "What?"
Finally, Shinji seemed to have lost all prior restraint. "Your plan to catch that angel in Mt Asama. The angel was found below the maximum security line for EVAs, but you didn't care and went ahead with your plan. And when the angel wasn't there... you didn't order a retreat to reconsider, you didn't have the N2 charges dropped, you simply let Ayanami go down even further!"
"I... the angel..." Misato stammered.
"Was that the only thing that mattered to you?" Shinji accused her. "Killing the angel?"
Misato remembered the immense feeling of relief that had overcome her when Shinji had saved Unit 00. Not only because both it and Rei had been saved, but also because otherwise it would in fact have been her responsible for the girl's death. However, since then, she had not further thought about the topic. It was no use dwelling on things in the past.
Was that the only thing that mattered to me then? ….yes.
"So what will you do when the next angel comes?" Shinji asked her when she did not answer.
"Shinji..." Misato appealed to him.
"Don't worry," Shink said cynically. "I know what my job is, Captain Katsuragi."
Misato looked at him, utterly shocked and hurt. His accusations were true, but that in particular made them so painful.
Shinji himself now froze. He seemed to realize what he had said. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry!" He hastily stood up from the table and ran to his room.
There was always something surreal about returning to something as boringly normal as school after a fight against alien abominations in a 60m battle machine. Shinji would like to think there also was something calming about it, but… it was not really like that. It just drove the point home that it was only him and two other people who were expected to fight, that only they knew what it really meant. Everyone else got to have a normal, relatively carefree life. Not him.
And it felt like nobody cared about that, either. They all just expected him to fight, no matter how much he suffered. It seemed unfair to Shinji. He recognized that only certain people could pilot. Dr Akagi had once mumbled something about very specific neural structures that would have to match the structures of individual Evangelion units, or at least their mental programming. So Shinji realized that he had to fight, had to stay a pilot, or else so many people would die – billions of people, if Asuka was right. But in the end, after every successful battle, all of them were saved, while only he suffered. How did that make any sense?
Is that really something where everyone can just expect me to do my duty? Why should I do this for the sake of the world, when the world just puts me from one painful situation in the next?
...I'm being selfish again.
He rubbed his eyes. He was tired. He had left the apartment deliberately early today, early enough that Misato was still sleeping and would hence not run into him. He felt bad about the harsh words he had told her. Not that they were not justified, but… There was no reason to put it like that. No reason to put her on the spot. And she was the Operations Director, after all. Maybe she did care a bit for him, but first and foremost he was one of her pilots.
He had to be of use to her, just like with any other people.
"Hey!" someone just catching up to him greeted. Shinji looked up; it was Touji. "Seems like the battle was rough."
He sounded actually concerned. Touji would do this, from time to time, throw in a reference to the battles or NERV training and ask how Shinji was holding up, but that seemed to be just politeness – phrases that were somewhat expected and then forgotten about again once appropriately answered to.
Besides… "How do you figure?" Shinji asked. How would you even know?
"You look kind of… mopey again," Touji explained.
"Yeah, despite the victory!" another voice catching up to the two spoke up. Kensuke, of course. "I only saw some of the officially released footage… all bullshit, of course… but – that was a positron rifle, wasn't it?"
Shinji shrugged. Details like that were not really important to him. He wondered sometimes why Kensuke cared about that stuff. The group was just entering the schoolyard, which was slowly filling up with people.
"Yeah," he answered. "I heard Misato requisitioned it from..."
"Hey!" a new voice cut in aggressively. Shinji turned towards it and saw Soryu running up to them, leaving a visibly confused Horaki behind in a corner. "That's classified information, you dolt! You can't just go around telling it to everyone!"
"Oh come on!" Touji and Kensuke replied in unison. Touji continued: "He was right there! You can't just tell him to..." and Kensuke: "How long do you think this secrecy will even hold, anyway?"
Soryu crossed her arms. "No arguments. Classification exists for a reason. And you're a pilot, Third Child. You're expected to behave like a professional."
Shinji sighed. Soryu was probably right. He could say no reason why such details should be kept secret, but knowing NERV they probably were such rules. He did not particularly care about being professional, but it would probably do no good to go against the rules.
"She's such a stuck-up bitch," Kensuke complained after the trio had walked on.
"Usually you'd be the first to point such things out," Touji told him. "Unless it interferes with you getting information, of course."
"Well, it does now!" Kensuke argued. "Also, she shouldn't boss Shinji around like that."
"Yeah," Touji just agreed. "That ain't right that you can't even say what has happened to you."
Shinji shrugged. "It doesn't matter." It did mean he would again have nobody to talk with about the battle except for Ayanami, but it seemed that was how these things went.
Touji grunted. "Well, it… it should." That settled the discussion until the trio reached the classroom.
When they entered, Kensuke sighed. "Too bad about the mall. Why did that damn angel have to attack right at the centre point of the city?"
"Yeah," Touji agreed. "Hell if I know what I'm supposed to do after school today." He paused. "There is actually a fair amount of homework lying around back home..."
"Yeah, I don't think I'll hang out in the city today," Kensuke agreed. He sighed. "Maybe I'll find some good places in other parts of the city."
Shinji did not comment. He had hoped avoiding going home as long as possible by staying out late in the city, but with the city centre demolished that did seem unlikely. And apparently, his friends would just go home. But I can't so easily…
He barely paid any attention to class, but that was okay. School did not really matter to him. It did not help him survive battles with giant creatures out to kill him, particularly him as an EVA pilot, and as for his future… that was not something he thought about. And when he did, he rather assumed he would not see it. He wished he had a window seat, like Ayanami. As it was, he could only stare dully ahead.
He only slowly began to pay attention again when lunch break started. He noticed how people gathered around Soryu. Of course… But it seemed to be more than usual. He casually walked over until he could hear what the redhead was saying.
"They told me I only had one shot, but I was so proficient I managed to reload the gun just in time! Not even our head scientist had thought that…."
Shinji sighed.
School was boring, Soryu prevented him from talking about his experiences just so that she could, Touji and Kensuke returned home immediately after school and Shinji feared going home. There was only one moment of the day that promised to be at least a bit uplifting.
Shinji was anxious about Ayanami not being at her usual place. By now, he was relatively sure that if she could be, she would be there. With her, he did not have his usual fears that he might drive her off or that she might suddenly lose her interest in him. It would, after all, be difficult to top his idiocy at her apartment. But by the same token, also as part of her personality, she might not announce if she could not come.
As usual, Ayanami simply stood entirely still at her usual place on Shinji's way home and looked in his direction. She was entirely expressionless. Her unusual, red eyes simply continued looking right at him, but he just smiled faintly.
As he came to a halt next to her, both of them were silent for a while. Finally, Shinji asked: "How are you?"
"I was reassured any remaining pains will fade within this day or tomorrow," Ayanami reported.
"Oh," Shinji breathed. And after a while: "So, are you feeling pain right now?"
"Yes," Ayanami simply answered.
"...you're amazingly calm then," Shinji told her. "Shouldn't you have stayed at home? Or... uh, do you have painkillers at home? I think Misato has some back at her apartment..." Which would mean going there, but...
"The pain is insufficient to justify either action," Ayanami replied. "I have already consumed high quantities of painkillers over the last two days. I do not wish to build up a tolerance to them."
"Oh. Of course," Shinji answered. "Still... I'm sorry to hear that. It's just..." He sighed. He did not know how to express himself. He might have given up, usually. But with Ayanami, he could try. He could still fail to communicate what he meant, but he would not make an utter fool out of himself. "Why are you so calm then? If you're in pain... you don't even move, let alone make a sound..."
"Should I?" Ayanami asked.
"It makes me think you're suppressing those reactions for the sake of others," Shinji explained what he meant. "And that... I don't like that thought." It was weird to rationally know Ayanami had pain, but to not see it on her. That way, he could not even commiserate or, within his limitations, offer support to her. And he wanted to help her.
"Why?" Ayanami inquired.
"You're already suffering pain," Shinji answered. "Enough to require painkillers the last two days. You shouldn't burden yourself further. Especially... especially not for the sake of the people for whose sake you already got those injuries."
"You worry about me again," Ayanami said. It was a purely factual statement, without emotion or judgement one way or the other.
"You were hurt pretty badly," Shinji pointed out.
"As part of the mission," Ayanami replied. "I had to protect EVA-02. It was necessary."
That made Shinji involuntarily grunt in response. Necessity! It reminded him too much of Misato. "Doesn't it bother you?"
"What do you think should bother me?" Ayanami asked.
"That..." Again Shinji struggled to sort out his thoughts. "That you were put in this position. That Misato simply put you in a position where you got such injuries... where you might have died. Dr Akagi gave me the chance to leave. What about you? Can you just leave?"
It took some time for Ayanami to answer, and untypically for her, there was a change in her usual soft monotone: She was almost whispering. "No. Piloting EVA is my purpose."
"Your... purpose?" Shinji repeated. "Is that the 'bond' thing you talked about?"
"Yes," Ayanami answered.
"Doesn't that bother you?" Shinji asked further.
"It is part of my nature," Ayanami explained. "Therefore, I do not resent that fact. It would be like resenting my leg or my arm. It is just as unchangeable. But it is different for you. You are not bound by any particular purpose."
Having no purpose in life... But by now Shinji knew that Ayanami meant that in a positive, comforting way, similar to when she had told him she could have simply taken over EVA-01. He wanted to argue against her being 'bound', but he feared he would not find the right word. He felt selfish about doing so, but he hence changed the subject to himself: "Misato, my father... NERV... they don't seem to agree. They see my purpose in piloting EVA-01."
Again it took some time for Ayanami to reply. "That is your job. You are not bound by it."
"Do you... do you want me to go, Ayanami?" Shinji muttered.
"No," she answered. "But it is an option for you."
Shinji sighed. He truly appreciated what Ayanami was trying to tell him in her laconic style, but he was unsure if she was right. "I don't know. Not anymore, I think."
"I see," Ayanami answered.
An awkward silence ensued, something that had become a regular part of their talks. It signalled that the conversation had run its course. Eventually both Children began walking again, in opposite directions.
However, nearly immediately, Shinji came to a halt again. It bothered him that they had ended up only talking about him. He had to make at least an attempt. "Ayanami?"
Ayanami gave a sound of recognition. "Hm?"
"I... I don't know about your 'bond'," Shinji told her. "I don't understand it. But... it seems to me... even if you're bound to piloting EVA, that does not mean you just have to accept everything that comes with it."
Ayanami turned around. "What difference..."
"Maybe... maybe it was necessary to protect Unit 02," Shinji went on over her. "But that doesn't mean you have to hide the pain."
"That is indeed not mission relevant," Ayanami conceded. Then she continued walking.
Shinji did likewise, until he realized he was on his way home... on his way to Misato's apartment. There was absolutely no reason to already go there, though. After a while, he turned right at an intersection instead of walking straight on. He had no idea where he was going, but as long as it was not to that apartment it would be alright.
Tokyo-3 was not quite a metropolis, but still a large enough city. Even without a city centre, there were innumerable streets and neighbourhoods to go to. Shinji passed by shops, parks, and indeed even an old arcade centre that would probably see rising numbers of customers now. He passed through quiet alleys and busy streets. To him, it made no difference: Even at the busiest places, all the people were just part of the background noise. He did not really care what was around him: After all, he was not really there in order to be there, but just to be away from Misato's apartment.
Not that he had any intention of actually running away. He had done that once already. It was no solution... or rather, he already had a solution available to him. He could quit piloting EVA and leave Tokyo-3, after all. But he had already decided that once and then gone back on his decision. He could not waver back and forth on this forever. He had decided to stay.... with everything that would entail. It was just that right now he did not feel like facing Misato.
The light of the day shifted to the full orange typical of an ending day. In two hours or so the sun would set. Shinji's feet were sore, so at the next park he crossed he sat down on a bench.
He must have dozed off for a while, because he snapped his eyes open in surprise when he heard his name: "Ah, Shinji Ikari. What are you doing here?"
A man in his late twenties or early thirties with shoulder-long hair and a rolled up magazine in his right hand stood in front of the bench. He looked vaguely familiar
"Ah... I'm sorry," Shinji answered. "You're from the NERV bridge staff, aren't you? But I don't know your name."
"Yeah, I am," the man answered. "Aoba. Shigeru Aoba."
"Nice to meet you, Mr Aoba," Shinji muttered.
"Still out this late?" Aoba asked. "Won't Captain Katsuragi worry?"
Shinji looked down. Misato probably was worried, in fact. She worries about me, and then still sends me out to fight...
"Ah well," Aoba continued when no answer came forth. "I suppose this is none of my business. Just don't go home all too late, you know?"
The bridge tech walked on. Following an impulse, Shinji jumped on his feet. "Uh... Mr Aoba..."
Aoba stopped and turned around. "Yes, Shinji?"
Shinji suddenly became very self-conscious and awkward again. But he managed to stammer out: "Ah... s-sorry, but... if I may ask, why did you join NERV?"
Surprise showed on Aoba's face. Then he shrugged. "It pays the bills. And hey, I do something for the defence of the world. That's good, right?"
Shinji nodded unsurely. "It's... a purpose for you, then? Something to believe in?"
Aoba's brows furrowed. "I wouldn't call it that."
"What do you mean by that?" Shinji inquired. "Uh, if I may ask."
"There isn't a such a thing as a higher purpose for anything in the end," Aoba told him. "Not us, not the world, certainly not NERV jobs. And pretending there is usually leads to bad things."
"But you're in NERV..." Shinji began.
"As I've said, it pays the bills," Aoba argued. "And it would rather suck for me if Tokyo-3 is destroyed or maybe even the whole world."
Shinji was slightly confused by an attitude that was so openly.... He could not even quite place it. Callous? Dismissive?
"What's... what's so bad in believing in purposes?" he asked. "Don't people need..." He searched for the right terms and failed.
"Need something bigger than themselves to believe in?" Aoba asked back. Shinji nodded, glad to have been understood. Aoba sighed again. "I did not expect to discuss philosophy with a fourteen year old here. Look, the problem with 'higher purposes' is that if you have something that is bigger than any single human, then you have something that is big enough to sacrifice people for it. It's bigger than any one human, after all, right?"
"But… how do you go through life then?" Shinji muttered. "If you... if you truly think there is no purpose to anything, not even your life..." It was a familiar attitude to him. It was a thought that had dominated large swathes of his life so far. But that had not been a happy existence. He even had considered putting an end to it all, even.
Aoba smiled. "Well, I have rock music," He held up the magazine and Shinji saw that it was about just that, "and air guitar playing. Isn't that enough?" He shrugged. "In the end, that's all we can hope for in life. To have fun."
"I see," Shinji stated. He was not sure if that philosophy made sense to him.
"Sorry if I have confused you, but hey, you asked," Aoba told him. "And you should really head home now. See you around!"
When he did come home it was already dark outside and had been for some time. He ignored Misato jumping up from her place in the kitchen and went straight to his room. To her credit, she sounded simply worried and kept any anger she might be feeling out of her voice. Even so, Shinji would rather not face her. It was difficult to run away from one's room-mate, but he tried his best.
The Seventh Angel has been defeated.
Things were happening in rapid succession now. Sure, for now Rei would still have to go through her normal life, in a world she just could not connect to, experiencing the dull pain of existence. Forced into a shape that was not really hers, but at the same time not truly being what she was derived from, and now not even all there anymore. Rei recognized this all had been necessary for the mission, and to protect Lilith's… her… Lilith's children. But it was painful and heavy to bear. However now it would soon be all over. Rei Ayanami would soon cease to exist, and her soul would return to the sleeping, unthinking stupor that befit its station.
She just hoped time until then would pass quickly. Day to day life still was a struggle, and there were few things that helped her get through this. Commander Ikari's unwavering faith in her, for example. Or his son's concern for her. She could understand the Commander. He dealt with her in clear, concrete terms, in terms of what was necessary and beneficial for his Scenario. Shinji Ikari, though, was more of a puzzle.
He did not think in terms of the Scenario, and yet he seemed to care for her well-being. Part of that was of course that he just did not know what she was. He could worry about her pain or her life or anything like that because he did not know she was in the end just a tool… a tool for the most important project on Earth, but ultimately not a full person. She had feelings and thoughts and a human shape, but that was almost incidental. She had a clear purpose, and would be replaced if broken or no longer suitable for that purpose.
However, many people did not know that fact. Only a handful people in Japan knew about it, plus the international conspiracy of SEELE. None of her classmates did, for example, and yet none of them interacted with Rei beyond what was strictly necessary. On the whole, only those people who knew what she was showed an interest in her. Shinji Ikari was the sole exception to that pattern.
The idea that a person might care about more than just her purpose was a confusing one. She had always defined herself via that purpose after all. It and her existence were inseparable. And yet… when the previous day Ikari had voiced concern for her again, she had… appreciated that. The talks with him did help to pass the time until her pain could finally be laid to rest. It was unfortunate that she could not talk with him about this pain, but it was still better than nothing.
She also liked when she could help Ikari in turn. She did not even try to fully understand him, as she knew from experience that most people were beyond her understanding. But it was clear that he appreciated those conversations as well, and that made Rei feel… She could not quite put it. Needed, but in a way that was beyond her purpose. That felt nice, too. And she genuinely wished to help Ikari if she could. Soothing him felt like a success to her.
If Commander Ikari said it was necessary or helpful for the Scenario that his son piloted EVA-01, then Rei believed this and would hence contribute to Shinji Ikari doing so. But at the same time… she felt he should be aware that he could in fact leave. It was… difficult to navigate around those two factors.
She would do her best, though. She greatly disliked the thought of disappointing either Ikari. That was why she was standing in her usual spot on Shinji Ikari's way back home, and watched motionlessly as he approached. It was a bit inefficient that she was staying in school for hours and only really got to interact with him afterwards, never more than a quarter or half an hour, but that as well was better than nothing.
"Ikari," she greeted him. "How are you feeling?"
He had asked that the day before, and might do so again. It was often part of his greeting. But this time, she wanted to ask.
"Ah, I'm fine, Ayanami," Ikari replied with false cheer. Then he sighed. "Actually, no, not really. There's no reason not to tell you. I... I dread going home. Going to Misato's apartment."
"Why?" Rei asked.
"I... argued with Misato," Shinji explained. "I probably shouldn't have."
Rei's eyebrows moved by a few millimetres. "Captain Katsuragi is your direct superior." It would be inconceivable for Rei to argue with superiors.
"Is she?" Shinji argued back. "I have a NERV ID card, but no rank or anything. I'm not part of her military hierarchy."
Rei knew what he meant. Commander Ikari had once explained to her why NERV was set up that way, why the pilots could not be officially part of the military hierarchy. He had called it a 'necessary social construct'. She had not understood why it was necessary, but she had trusted him. Now this meant she lacked the understanding to argue against what Shinji Ikari was saying.
Ikari sighed. "But I still shouldn't have. I do take part in EVA operations, after all, and she... she is my guardian as well."
Rei nodded slightly. She had never fully understood the role of 'guardians'. To her, a superior was a superior. She did not understand why several redundant relationships codifying that status were necessary. She made no difference between Gendo Ikari as Commander of NERV or as her guardian. But if that special role of Captain Katsuragi as Shinji Ikari's guardian made him listen to her, then that role was apparently doing its job. That was good.
"Why did you argue with her?" Rei asked.
"I was angry," Ikari explained. "She wanted to know why. So I told her. I... I don't like how she's treating us, Ayanami. Her operations plan nearly got you killed at Mt Asama, and against the latest angel she redeployed Soryu and me while we were still unconscious. It's callous. It seems... it seems we're just tools to her."
I am. But Rei could not tell him that. And he did not need to bear that burden. "You dislike being considered a tool?"
"Of course!" Ikari exclaimed. "I wished... I wished people cared about me. About me, not my use. That they were nice to me. But it seems I can only get their attention when I pilot my Evangelion."
Rei thought this important. This was the first time Ikari had mentioned what he wanted for himself. She would have to keep that in mind.
"What will you do now?" she asked.
Ikari sighed again. "I don't know. I don't want to go back to Misato's place. Not until it's evening, at least. I suppose I'll just walk around in the city again. It's just too bad that Kensuke and Touji have gone home already."
"Would you have liked them at your side?" Rei asked.
Ikari shrugged. "I did hang out with them in the city now and then. Doing that without friends... It's boring walking the streets on your own. Kinda... lonely."
Rei considered that and mentally checked her schedule for the day. There were no assignments at NERV. It would be a very unusual change in her routine, but it would not at all infringe on her duties. "I can accompany you."
Ikari almost jumped up. "Huh... what?"
"Would that not make walking through the city less boring and lonely?" Rei argued.
"Ah, well, I suppose," Ikari stammered. "But, uh, but..."
His reaction was strange to her, but that did not bother her. Most people reacted at least occasionally in ways she considered strange, and she had learned to live with that. People acting strangely was normalcy for her. The only exception to that was Commander Ikari. She knew what motivated him, all his actions were dedicated to that and he was always straightforward. She liked that about him.
"It isn't the same as walking with friends," she conceded, "but it might be preferable to the alternative."
"Well, uh..." Ikari began to mumble. "I think... I think we might be considered friends as well, but..."
That makes sense, Rei reflected. Their regular talks would probably let them fall into that category. That was... good, even though it was strange to give a value to something not related to the Scenario. But then, it surely also would not hurt the Scenario, so that was probably okay. She waited for Ikari to finish what he was trying to say.
"...I mean, I don't want to be presumptuous... that is, if you don't mind to be considered a friend..."
"I don't," Rei simply answered.
"Ah, good," Ikari stated. "But even so... well, you see..." Rei just waited. "People might get the wrong impressions. It would kinda look like... like a date I suppose." His voice trailed off awkwardly.
"If people think that, they're wrong," Rei stated matter-of-factly. When Ikari just stared at her, she for once felt compelled to clarify: "There is no need to worry about their misconceptions."
"Well, yeah," Ikari admitted, "but..." For some reason he looked away, seemingly into the distance. He sighed. "I really don't want to spend another day like yesterday. So, if it's really no bother to you..."
Rei simply shook her head her head and waited. Looking hesitantly at her, Ikari got going.
They walked in silence. Rei had never done so before – just walking, not to get to anywhere but just as an activity in itself. It seemed futile and wasteful, but if that was what Ikari wanted, then there maybe was a purpose to it. He now and then glanced over to her, as if he were awkward with the arrangement or maybe the silence, but if he had complaints, he did not voice them. The two just walked on.
After a while, she felt her shoulders relax slightly. This was really unlike her daily routine. She did not need to worry about the next assignment on her schedule, as there were none for today, and yet she also was not at her apartment, just waiting for the next day. Instead she walked through the city simply because she wanted to do so. Because Ikari appreciated it.
She noticed another one of Ikari's glances. He was smiling. Smiling at her. Only the Ikaris had ever done that. She felt blood creep up in her cheeks. That was not something that happened when she talked with the elder Ikari. She was unsure what to....
An image of red and orange popped into her mind. "How about, oh I don't know... be damn happy yourself? How about trying to simply smile, idiot?"
Pilot Soryu's instructions. Delivered with a fire that was so very unlike Rei herself or Shinji Ikari. But Soryu had been right back then. She had given good advice. So the next time Ikari glanced over, Rei smiled herself. She tried to, at least, because it did feel right, it did feel fitting to what she was experiencing. Even so, it were only the corners of her mouth that slightly moved upwards.
It still surprised Ikari as much as her smile at Mt Futago had. Again he nearly missed a step, before managing to smile back even while his mouth was wide open. As the two walked on, he looked down, but kept his smile.
Pilot Soryu is proven right again. Maybe her overly forceful behaviour has some merit. It did drive home her point, and heeding her point seems useful.
After they had walked like that for some further minutes, Ikari commented: "I'm glad you accompanied me, Ayanami."
"Hm," Ayanami voiced in agreement.
"It's not quite the same as hanging out with Kensuke and Touji... they talk like they get paid by the word... but it's... nice," Ikari added.
She was glad that... She decided to say it. "I am glad this turned out okay for you, Ikari."
Now Ikari grunted agreement.
A silent half-hour later, Rei remarked: "I do not remember ever coming through this area of the city."
"Uh, well, it's a pretty large city..." Ikari offered as explanation. "I..." He stopped. Rei did likewise, looking at him for an explanation. He looked at its watch. "Still at least four hours until sunset," he muttered, and then looked at Rei. "Do you mind using the tram to a place outside the city?"
"No," Rei answered truthfully.
She followed Ikari after he abruptly changed his direction. If he wanted to use the tram, that was fine by her as well. She had never used the line they were taking now, but she was familiar with the tram grid in Tokyo-3. The line would end just outside the city.
She sat down. So did Ikari, at least a metre away from her on the bench on her right side. Since there were only a handful other people on that tram that was alright. He looked down as the vehicle got going, and for some reason formed a fist. After two stations he got something out of his pocket: his music player. He looked at it as if in contemplation, then suddenly looked up.
"Ayanami," he asked her, "do you listen to music?"
Rei shook her head.
"I only have my usual tape with me, so it may not be to your liking, but... you could give it a try," he suggested to her and held out his music player.
Carefully, she took it. She looked at it, its small body and the cables extending from it. She... she had no idea what to do with it. She remembered how Ikari usually wore it, the plugs in his ears. Was that... right? She hesitantly led one plug to her ear, but stopped mid-movement.
"Go on," Ikari prompted her with a smile. When she did not, he got up and walked over the step in between them. He blushed slightly. "Uh... Ayanami... if I may?"
Rei just nodded, unsure what he meant.
He slowly reached out his hand, slow enough to stop it, carefully took her wrist and gently led her hand to her ear. His index finger lightly pushed against the backside of her hand, prompting her to enter the plug. His face, now directly in front of her, had become even redder, but he was still smiling faintly.
His hand had become warmer as well.
Rei knew the feelings of other hands on her body: as part of her regular medical tests, when people first showed her how to enter a plugsuit, when medics had taken her out of EVA-00's entry-plug. Few had been as warm as Ikari's. And none as careful and gentle.
She also stuck the other earplug in. Nothing happened, until Shinji took her other hand, in order to make her hold up the player. He pressed a button.
As expected, there were sounds coming out of the earplugs. Music, Rei supposed. She could even discern a rhythm ordering those sounds. As far as she understood musical theory, it was that rhythm that made people appreciate music. However, to her, that had never happened. To her, pieces of music remained just sequences of sounds.
Another station was passed when Ikari asked: "So, what are you thinking, Ayanami?"
"I do not know if the music is adequate," she answered truthfully. "I am incapable of judging it."
"What do you mean?" Ikari asked. "You must have an opinion." He chuckled. "You can tell me if it's bad, I don't mind."
"It is not better or worse than any other music I have heard," Rei told him. "I cannot tell what makes music good."
"Oh," Ikari voiced. He sounded disappointed. He sat down again. In fact, he let himself fall down onto the bench without much thinking, so that now he sat much closer to Rei. He looked down for a while, until he muttered: "That can't be."
Rei looked at him to discern what he meant.
"Even if you're not much into music," Ikari now addressed her, "there is one piece... one segment.... let me show it to you..." He took the player and began pushing buttons. The music jumped to a different piece. "It's kinda slow in the beginning, I know, but there is one part... hm." He looked over sheepishly. "May I have one of the earplugs back? So I can see how much to fast-forward."
Wordlessly, she handed him the right earplug. He had to lean towards her so that there would be enough cable length. She did likewise, leaning to her right side, supporting herself on her hand. She felt Ikari straighten up. His hand was nearly in the exact same location. Then he fast-forwarded the song up to a certain point.
Now more instruments carried the music, not that Rei could discern between them or name them. The music became more voluminous, more forceful. To Rei, it made no difference. It still evoked no emotional response in her, as she had read music should. She did not say anything, though. It was still nice. She did not enjoy the music, but it did not bother her, either.
She did like sitting close to Ikari while he enjoyed the music. The tape started the next song, and the next, and the two still just sat there.
Finally, though, the train arrived at its final destination. By then, the two were the only remaining passengers. They got up somewhat awkwardly, and Rei handed the player back. She was vaguely sad that the situation had ended, but she would never have protested.
The station consisted of a single platform. From there, Ikari led Rei up some stairs on a hill slope, leading to a street. They followed the street until it reached a car park.
Ikari smiled. "Isn't that a sight?"
He made a gesture spanning the horizon. The car park was on a cliff overlooking Tokyo-3. There were tower viewers at the edges.
Rei looked at Ikari, to see where he was going with this.
"Tokyo-3," he exclaimed. "The city we protect. The city you and Soryu protected against the last angel."
He was right, of course. If an angel ever reached Terminal Dogma, and she was not there to enact the Emergency Solution, then Tokyo-3 would be at the centre of the devastation. Its physical form would be destroyed and its people, like all humans, gone.
Rei had never seen the city from this angle, but she knew the maps. The layout was familiar to her.
Ikari now stood right at the railing. He let his head hang low. "Misato took me here, after I had defeated the first angel. To show me what I've been fighting for. I wonder..." His hands griped the railing hard.
For minutes, the two just stood there, looking over the city, wind passing over them. Finally, Rei asked: "What do you wonder?"
"Misato..." Ikari answered. "Why she showed this to me. Did she genuinely wish to... I don't know. Cheer me up? Praise me? Or did she calculate that this would make it more likely I'd pilot Evangelion? Did she want to help me, or manipulate me?"
"Your fears are unfounded," Rei told him. "I do not think Captain Katsuragi has the necessary skills."
That made Ikari look at her. "What do you mean?"
"Captain Katsuragi is an excellent tactician," Rei explained, "which is reflected in her role as Operations Director. Her skills at social manipulation are far less pronounced. Otherwise, she would be employed in a different manner, most likely administration." Commander Ikari certainly had prodigious skills in that field, which was to the benefit of the Scenario: For its sake, everybody had to be employed according to their abilities. And for Shinji Ikari and Rei this meant piloting Evangelion.
"I see..." Ikari answered. "Well, you have known her longer, so I trust your judgement. But then..." He shook his head and looked over the city again. After a while, he spoke again: "Ayanami... what do you think about the city?"
"It is my home," she simply replied.
"Home..." Ikari echoed. "That makes sense. I... I don't think I have a home."
She looked over to him. "Is Tokyo-3 not also your home?"
"It's where I live," Ikari corrected her. "But home... isn't that supposed to be the place where you're happy to return to?"
Oh. That made Rei reconsider. "Then, maybe, I also do not have a home."
"That's... sad," Ikari judged. "And yet, you just go on, and never do something as stupid as lounging around in the city all day just because you don't want to return to your place of residence."
Rei did not comment on that. There was nothing to say about it.
More time passed by. "It doesn't seem you're enjoying yourself here, Ayanami," Ikari stated.
"Enjoying myself?" Rei repeated.
"That's why people come here, isn't it?" Ikari said. "To enjoy the view over the city. Apparently you don't."
Rei considered that. "No. I do not see where that enjoyment should come from."
Ikari sighed and smiled. It looked oddly sad. "It's all right. Let's head back."
They waited silently at the train station, the only people to do so, and entered a hence otherwise empty tram.
After its departure, Rei suggested: "Maybe we could listen to music together again?"
That seemed to surprise Ikari. "I thought you... uh, yeah. Sure."
He got his music player out. This time, the plugs were in the ears facing each other, so they did not sit as closely together, but it was still fine. Again, Rei leaned in closer to Ikari.
They sat like this all the way to the opposite end station. They took the same tram back, and, on Ikari's suggestion, boarded another one near the devastated city centre. The rest of the day was thus spent riding trams. Ayanami had never realized that could be enjoyable.
Get back here! Get back in line, S/R, you're widely out of bound! *tries to catch Shinji and Rei with a large butterfly net* Ah well. Can't fight one's instincts, it seems So for now, that connection is surging widely ahead.
It is convenient that fandom already considers Aoba a nihilist. Though I suppose what he said here is more existentialism with nihilist terminology. Still, good to give Shinji a different perspective
"I'm home," she announced cheerfully as she walked through the door.
There was no response. That was odd; even when he was in his room Shinji usually answered. Except when he's listening to that damn music player, of course. Ah well. She had told him to rest, after all, and if that was his way of doing it, then that was fine.
She sat down at the kitchen table and unpacked what she had brought along from NERV. The price of going home early: Paperwork. Lots and lots of paperwork. But she could indeed do that at home. Most of it were just reports she had to acknowledge and sign, anyway. Most of those concerned the damage to the city: In the last seconds of the battle, the angel, now officially dubbed 'Ramiel', had broken through the Geofront armour. Even worse was the damage caused by the missed positron rifle shot and by Ramiel's impact onto the ground. Right in the centre of Tokyo-3, there now was a giant hole surrounded by several flattened blocs of buildings. NERV would have to close the hole, and the municipal government would have to be basically reconstruct the entire inner city.
Misato was vaguely glad that it was Asuka who had fired those shots. Shinji might have inquired about civilian casualties, 'collateral damage' as the military euphemism went. And while nearly all civilians had in fact been evacuated, the missed shot and Ramiel's crash had caused a few dozen deaths. Asuka is better suited to bearing this, but I still won't tell her unless she asks. Misato hoped she would not.
Shinji came out of his room just in time to begin preparing dinner. He just passed by her without greeting, without even acknowledging her. That was... more than just odd. In fact, such impoliteness was as un-Shinji as it could get. Misato looked up from her work to watch him. There clearly was something on his mind, and she waited for him to tell her. She did not intend to push him about it; that was not the right way with him. After all the boy had to go through, Shinji needed a safe space, not additional pressure. Hence she also would not complain about the rudeness. She did not really care about all that politeness stuff herself, and Shinji had better things to focus on.
Misato packed the papers away and prepared the table just in time for Shinji to put the meal on it. He did so without his usual care, almost ramming the pot onto the table. Misato noticed how stiff he was.
He's angry. But of course he won't say anything. "Thank you for the meal," she said.
Shinji just nodded and began eating, his view focused entirely on his plate. Misato also took some spoonfuls, but after a while the tense silence began to grate on her. She began to worry about Shinji.
"Shinji, is something the matter?" she inquired.
Predictably, the boy just shook his head.
Misato laid down her spoon. "Shinji, if you really don't want to tell me, that's fine. But you're obviously angry. If you're angry at someone else, just vent at me, I promise I won't tell them. If you're angry at me... well, just vent regardless. Maybe I did do something wrong." And I'd dearly like to know what.
" 'Maybe'?" Shinji echoed, still looking down, a subdued anger now clearly in his voice.
"So it's me," Misato stated flatly. "Well, I can't improve myself if you don't tell me what I did wrong."
"It's nothing," Shinji muttered. And after a while: "You are the Operations Director, after all"
Ahhh. "Yes, I am," Misato agreed hesitantly. Then she had an idea. It helps that I'm not overly proud. "But I'm also your guardian. You can tell your guardian what that bitch at NERV did this time."
That at least got Shinji to look up in surprise. Good. It still took about two minutes of him just stirring his soup until he answered, once again with his head lowered: "Misato, why did you just redeploy us?"
"Hm?" Misato prompted him to go on.
"After the first fight with the angel," Shinji explained."Do you know how much it hurts to... and then you already redeployed us while we were still unconscious!" Finally his voice got louder. "You didn't even ask us. Didn't even tell us. You just sent Ayanami to present us with a done deal."
Misato furrowed her brows. She looked down so that Shinji would not immediately catch that. He was right. She had devised her plan while he and Asuka still were unconscious, and when she had heard they were awake she had simply pushed on with it. She had known exactly what she was doing, even while Ritsuko had still raised doubts whether Shinji would pilot again at all.
"You came to the train station. I thought then you did care," Shinji now almost whispered. "But now, you're just using me as a tool again. All of us. Dr Akagi was ready to reconfigure EVA-01, to let me go. While you..." He shook his head.
"Shinji... of course I planned for three Units," Misato told him. "But if you had refused to pilot, I... I wouldn't have held it against you."
"Really?" Shinji asked flatly and subdued. After a pause he went on: "If I had told you right then and there I'd go, you wouldn't have tried to convince me otherwise, wouldn't have tried to save your plan?"
Misato looked down again. She could not lie in this. In the end, Shinji had become merely the reserve pilot in the mission, but her initial plan had called for him to hold the shield. And if he had walked out of that... she would have tried to convince him otherwise. Probably would even have shamed him into staying. With victory or defeat over an angel at stake... with an angel in sights as her prey...
Right then and there, Shinji had just been a tool for her. She understood what he was complaining about: That she had simply expected him to continue to pilot. So she remained quiet.
He did not comment, did not gloat in his rhetorical victory. Instead, he just continued eating. He did not even seem particularly sad.
She still made one last, feeble attempt to defend herself: "My job at NERV comes with certain necessities...."
Uncharacteristically, Shinji interrupted her loudly: "Was it also necessary to nearly kill Ayanami?"
That took Misato aback. "What?"
Finally, Shinji seemed to have lost all prior restraint. "Your plan to catch that angel in Mt Asama. The angel was found below the maximum security line for EVAs, but you didn't care and went ahead with your plan. And when the angel wasn't there... you didn't order a retreat to reconsider, you didn't have the N2 charges dropped, you simply let Ayanami go down even further!"
"I... the angel..." Misato stammered.
"Was that the only thing that mattered to you?" Shinji accused her. "Killing the angel?"
Misato remembered the immense feeling of relief that had overcome her when Shinji had saved Unit 00. Not only because both it and Rei had been saved, but also because otherwise it would in fact have been her responsible for the girl's death. However, since then, she had not further thought about the topic. It was no use dwelling on things in the past.
Was that the only thing that mattered to me then? ….yes.
"So what will you do when the next angel comes?" Shinji asked her when she did not answer.
"Shinji..." Misato appealed to him.
"Don't worry," Shink said cynically. "I know what my job is, Captain Katsuragi."
Misato looked at him, utterly shocked and hurt. His accusations were true, but that in particular made them so painful.
Shinji himself now froze. He seemed to realize what he had said. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry!" He hastily stood up from the table and ran to his room.
There was always something surreal about returning to something as boringly normal as school after a fight against alien abominations in a 60m battle machine. Shinji would like to think there also was something calming about it, but… it was not really like that. It just drove the point home that it was only him and two other people who were expected to fight, that only they knew what it really meant. Everyone else got to have a normal, relatively carefree life. Not him.
And it felt like nobody cared about that, either. They all just expected him to fight, no matter how much he suffered. It seemed unfair to Shinji. He recognized that only certain people could pilot. Dr Akagi had once mumbled something about very specific neural structures that would have to match the structures of individual Evangelion units, or at least their mental programming. So Shinji realized that he had to fight, had to stay a pilot, or else so many people would die – billions of people, if Asuka was right. But in the end, after every successful battle, all of them were saved, while only he suffered. How did that make any sense?
Is that really something where everyone can just expect me to do my duty? Why should I do this for the sake of the world, when the world just puts me from one painful situation in the next?
...I'm being selfish again.
He rubbed his eyes. He was tired. He had left the apartment deliberately early today, early enough that Misato was still sleeping and would hence not run into him. He felt bad about the harsh words he had told her. Not that they were not justified, but… There was no reason to put it like that. No reason to put her on the spot. And she was the Operations Director, after all. Maybe she did care a bit for him, but first and foremost he was one of her pilots.
He had to be of use to her, just like with any other people.
"Hey!" someone just catching up to him greeted. Shinji looked up; it was Touji. "Seems like the battle was rough."
He sounded actually concerned. Touji would do this, from time to time, throw in a reference to the battles or NERV training and ask how Shinji was holding up, but that seemed to be just politeness – phrases that were somewhat expected and then forgotten about again once appropriately answered to.
Besides… "How do you figure?" Shinji asked. How would you even know?
"You look kind of… mopey again," Touji explained.
"Yeah, despite the victory!" another voice catching up to the two spoke up. Kensuke, of course. "I only saw some of the officially released footage… all bullshit, of course… but – that was a positron rifle, wasn't it?"
Shinji shrugged. Details like that were not really important to him. He wondered sometimes why Kensuke cared about that stuff. The group was just entering the schoolyard, which was slowly filling up with people.
"Yeah," he answered. "I heard Misato requisitioned it from..."
"Hey!" a new voice cut in aggressively. Shinji turned towards it and saw Soryu running up to them, leaving a visibly confused Horaki behind in a corner. "That's classified information, you dolt! You can't just go around telling it to everyone!"
"Oh come on!" Touji and Kensuke replied in unison. Touji continued: "He was right there! You can't just tell him to..." and Kensuke: "How long do you think this secrecy will even hold, anyway?"
Soryu crossed her arms. "No arguments. Classification exists for a reason. And you're a pilot, Third Child. You're expected to behave like a professional."
Shinji sighed. Soryu was probably right. He could say no reason why such details should be kept secret, but knowing NERV they probably were such rules. He did not particularly care about being professional, but it would probably do no good to go against the rules.
"She's such a stuck-up bitch," Kensuke complained after the trio had walked on.
"Usually you'd be the first to point such things out," Touji told him. "Unless it interferes with you getting information, of course."
"Well, it does now!" Kensuke argued. "Also, she shouldn't boss Shinji around like that."
"Yeah," Touji just agreed. "That ain't right that you can't even say what has happened to you."
Shinji shrugged. "It doesn't matter." It did mean he would again have nobody to talk with about the battle except for Ayanami, but it seemed that was how these things went.
Touji grunted. "Well, it… it should." That settled the discussion until the trio reached the classroom.
When they entered, Kensuke sighed. "Too bad about the mall. Why did that damn angel have to attack right at the centre point of the city?"
"Yeah," Touji agreed. "Hell if I know what I'm supposed to do after school today." He paused. "There is actually a fair amount of homework lying around back home..."
"Yeah, I don't think I'll hang out in the city today," Kensuke agreed. He sighed. "Maybe I'll find some good places in other parts of the city."
Shinji did not comment. He had hoped avoiding going home as long as possible by staying out late in the city, but with the city centre demolished that did seem unlikely. And apparently, his friends would just go home. But I can't so easily…
He barely paid any attention to class, but that was okay. School did not really matter to him. It did not help him survive battles with giant creatures out to kill him, particularly him as an EVA pilot, and as for his future… that was not something he thought about. And when he did, he rather assumed he would not see it. He wished he had a window seat, like Ayanami. As it was, he could only stare dully ahead.
He only slowly began to pay attention again when lunch break started. He noticed how people gathered around Soryu. Of course… But it seemed to be more than usual. He casually walked over until he could hear what the redhead was saying.
"They told me I only had one shot, but I was so proficient I managed to reload the gun just in time! Not even our head scientist had thought that…."
Shinji sighed.
School was boring, Soryu prevented him from talking about his experiences just so that she could, Touji and Kensuke returned home immediately after school and Shinji feared going home. There was only one moment of the day that promised to be at least a bit uplifting.
Shinji was anxious about Ayanami not being at her usual place. By now, he was relatively sure that if she could be, she would be there. With her, he did not have his usual fears that he might drive her off or that she might suddenly lose her interest in him. It would, after all, be difficult to top his idiocy at her apartment. But by the same token, also as part of her personality, she might not announce if she could not come.
As usual, Ayanami simply stood entirely still at her usual place on Shinji's way home and looked in his direction. She was entirely expressionless. Her unusual, red eyes simply continued looking right at him, but he just smiled faintly.
As he came to a halt next to her, both of them were silent for a while. Finally, Shinji asked: "How are you?"
"I was reassured any remaining pains will fade within this day or tomorrow," Ayanami reported.
"Oh," Shinji breathed. And after a while: "So, are you feeling pain right now?"
"Yes," Ayanami simply answered.
"...you're amazingly calm then," Shinji told her. "Shouldn't you have stayed at home? Or... uh, do you have painkillers at home? I think Misato has some back at her apartment..." Which would mean going there, but...
"The pain is insufficient to justify either action," Ayanami replied. "I have already consumed high quantities of painkillers over the last two days. I do not wish to build up a tolerance to them."
"Oh. Of course," Shinji answered. "Still... I'm sorry to hear that. It's just..." He sighed. He did not know how to express himself. He might have given up, usually. But with Ayanami, he could try. He could still fail to communicate what he meant, but he would not make an utter fool out of himself. "Why are you so calm then? If you're in pain... you don't even move, let alone make a sound..."
"Should I?" Ayanami asked.
"It makes me think you're suppressing those reactions for the sake of others," Shinji explained what he meant. "And that... I don't like that thought." It was weird to rationally know Ayanami had pain, but to not see it on her. That way, he could not even commiserate or, within his limitations, offer support to her. And he wanted to help her.
"Why?" Ayanami inquired.
"You're already suffering pain," Shinji answered. "Enough to require painkillers the last two days. You shouldn't burden yourself further. Especially... especially not for the sake of the people for whose sake you already got those injuries."
"You worry about me again," Ayanami said. It was a purely factual statement, without emotion or judgement one way or the other.
"You were hurt pretty badly," Shinji pointed out.
"As part of the mission," Ayanami replied. "I had to protect EVA-02. It was necessary."
That made Shinji involuntarily grunt in response. Necessity! It reminded him too much of Misato. "Doesn't it bother you?"
"What do you think should bother me?" Ayanami asked.
"That..." Again Shinji struggled to sort out his thoughts. "That you were put in this position. That Misato simply put you in a position where you got such injuries... where you might have died. Dr Akagi gave me the chance to leave. What about you? Can you just leave?"
It took some time for Ayanami to answer, and untypically for her, there was a change in her usual soft monotone: She was almost whispering. "No. Piloting EVA is my purpose."
"Your... purpose?" Shinji repeated. "Is that the 'bond' thing you talked about?"
"Yes," Ayanami answered.
"Doesn't that bother you?" Shinji asked further.
"It is part of my nature," Ayanami explained. "Therefore, I do not resent that fact. It would be like resenting my leg or my arm. It is just as unchangeable. But it is different for you. You are not bound by any particular purpose."
Having no purpose in life... But by now Shinji knew that Ayanami meant that in a positive, comforting way, similar to when she had told him she could have simply taken over EVA-01. He wanted to argue against her being 'bound', but he feared he would not find the right word. He felt selfish about doing so, but he hence changed the subject to himself: "Misato, my father... NERV... they don't seem to agree. They see my purpose in piloting EVA-01."
Again it took some time for Ayanami to reply. "That is your job. You are not bound by it."
"Do you... do you want me to go, Ayanami?" Shinji muttered.
"No," she answered. "But it is an option for you."
Shinji sighed. He truly appreciated what Ayanami was trying to tell him in her laconic style, but he was unsure if she was right. "I don't know. Not anymore, I think."
"I see," Ayanami answered.
An awkward silence ensued, something that had become a regular part of their talks. It signalled that the conversation had run its course. Eventually both Children began walking again, in opposite directions.
However, nearly immediately, Shinji came to a halt again. It bothered him that they had ended up only talking about him. He had to make at least an attempt. "Ayanami?"
Ayanami gave a sound of recognition. "Hm?"
"I... I don't know about your 'bond'," Shinji told her. "I don't understand it. But... it seems to me... even if you're bound to piloting EVA, that does not mean you just have to accept everything that comes with it."
Ayanami turned around. "What difference..."
"Maybe... maybe it was necessary to protect Unit 02," Shinji went on over her. "But that doesn't mean you have to hide the pain."
"That is indeed not mission relevant," Ayanami conceded. Then she continued walking.
Shinji did likewise, until he realized he was on his way home... on his way to Misato's apartment. There was absolutely no reason to already go there, though. After a while, he turned right at an intersection instead of walking straight on. He had no idea where he was going, but as long as it was not to that apartment it would be alright.
Tokyo-3 was not quite a metropolis, but still a large enough city. Even without a city centre, there were innumerable streets and neighbourhoods to go to. Shinji passed by shops, parks, and indeed even an old arcade centre that would probably see rising numbers of customers now. He passed through quiet alleys and busy streets. To him, it made no difference: Even at the busiest places, all the people were just part of the background noise. He did not really care what was around him: After all, he was not really there in order to be there, but just to be away from Misato's apartment.
Not that he had any intention of actually running away. He had done that once already. It was no solution... or rather, he already had a solution available to him. He could quit piloting EVA and leave Tokyo-3, after all. But he had already decided that once and then gone back on his decision. He could not waver back and forth on this forever. He had decided to stay.... with everything that would entail. It was just that right now he did not feel like facing Misato.
The light of the day shifted to the full orange typical of an ending day. In two hours or so the sun would set. Shinji's feet were sore, so at the next park he crossed he sat down on a bench.
He must have dozed off for a while, because he snapped his eyes open in surprise when he heard his name: "Ah, Shinji Ikari. What are you doing here?"
A man in his late twenties or early thirties with shoulder-long hair and a rolled up magazine in his right hand stood in front of the bench. He looked vaguely familiar
"Ah... I'm sorry," Shinji answered. "You're from the NERV bridge staff, aren't you? But I don't know your name."
"Yeah, I am," the man answered. "Aoba. Shigeru Aoba."
"Nice to meet you, Mr Aoba," Shinji muttered.
"Still out this late?" Aoba asked. "Won't Captain Katsuragi worry?"
Shinji looked down. Misato probably was worried, in fact. She worries about me, and then still sends me out to fight...
"Ah well," Aoba continued when no answer came forth. "I suppose this is none of my business. Just don't go home all too late, you know?"
The bridge tech walked on. Following an impulse, Shinji jumped on his feet. "Uh... Mr Aoba..."
Aoba stopped and turned around. "Yes, Shinji?"
Shinji suddenly became very self-conscious and awkward again. But he managed to stammer out: "Ah... s-sorry, but... if I may ask, why did you join NERV?"
Surprise showed on Aoba's face. Then he shrugged. "It pays the bills. And hey, I do something for the defence of the world. That's good, right?"
Shinji nodded unsurely. "It's... a purpose for you, then? Something to believe in?"
Aoba's brows furrowed. "I wouldn't call it that."
"What do you mean by that?" Shinji inquired. "Uh, if I may ask."
"There isn't a such a thing as a higher purpose for anything in the end," Aoba told him. "Not us, not the world, certainly not NERV jobs. And pretending there is usually leads to bad things."
"But you're in NERV..." Shinji began.
"As I've said, it pays the bills," Aoba argued. "And it would rather suck for me if Tokyo-3 is destroyed or maybe even the whole world."
Shinji was slightly confused by an attitude that was so openly.... He could not even quite place it. Callous? Dismissive?
"What's... what's so bad in believing in purposes?" he asked. "Don't people need..." He searched for the right terms and failed.
"Need something bigger than themselves to believe in?" Aoba asked back. Shinji nodded, glad to have been understood. Aoba sighed again. "I did not expect to discuss philosophy with a fourteen year old here. Look, the problem with 'higher purposes' is that if you have something that is bigger than any single human, then you have something that is big enough to sacrifice people for it. It's bigger than any one human, after all, right?"
"But… how do you go through life then?" Shinji muttered. "If you... if you truly think there is no purpose to anything, not even your life..." It was a familiar attitude to him. It was a thought that had dominated large swathes of his life so far. But that had not been a happy existence. He even had considered putting an end to it all, even.
Aoba smiled. "Well, I have rock music," He held up the magazine and Shinji saw that it was about just that, "and air guitar playing. Isn't that enough?" He shrugged. "In the end, that's all we can hope for in life. To have fun."
"I see," Shinji stated. He was not sure if that philosophy made sense to him.
"Sorry if I have confused you, but hey, you asked," Aoba told him. "And you should really head home now. See you around!"
When he did come home it was already dark outside and had been for some time. He ignored Misato jumping up from her place in the kitchen and went straight to his room. To her credit, she sounded simply worried and kept any anger she might be feeling out of her voice. Even so, Shinji would rather not face her. It was difficult to run away from one's room-mate, but he tried his best.
The Seventh Angel has been defeated.
Things were happening in rapid succession now. Sure, for now Rei would still have to go through her normal life, in a world she just could not connect to, experiencing the dull pain of existence. Forced into a shape that was not really hers, but at the same time not truly being what she was derived from, and now not even all there anymore. Rei recognized this all had been necessary for the mission, and to protect Lilith's… her… Lilith's children. But it was painful and heavy to bear. However now it would soon be all over. Rei Ayanami would soon cease to exist, and her soul would return to the sleeping, unthinking stupor that befit its station.
She just hoped time until then would pass quickly. Day to day life still was a struggle, and there were few things that helped her get through this. Commander Ikari's unwavering faith in her, for example. Or his son's concern for her. She could understand the Commander. He dealt with her in clear, concrete terms, in terms of what was necessary and beneficial for his Scenario. Shinji Ikari, though, was more of a puzzle.
He did not think in terms of the Scenario, and yet he seemed to care for her well-being. Part of that was of course that he just did not know what she was. He could worry about her pain or her life or anything like that because he did not know she was in the end just a tool… a tool for the most important project on Earth, but ultimately not a full person. She had feelings and thoughts and a human shape, but that was almost incidental. She had a clear purpose, and would be replaced if broken or no longer suitable for that purpose.
However, many people did not know that fact. Only a handful people in Japan knew about it, plus the international conspiracy of SEELE. None of her classmates did, for example, and yet none of them interacted with Rei beyond what was strictly necessary. On the whole, only those people who knew what she was showed an interest in her. Shinji Ikari was the sole exception to that pattern.
The idea that a person might care about more than just her purpose was a confusing one. She had always defined herself via that purpose after all. It and her existence were inseparable. And yet… when the previous day Ikari had voiced concern for her again, she had… appreciated that. The talks with him did help to pass the time until her pain could finally be laid to rest. It was unfortunate that she could not talk with him about this pain, but it was still better than nothing.
She also liked when she could help Ikari in turn. She did not even try to fully understand him, as she knew from experience that most people were beyond her understanding. But it was clear that he appreciated those conversations as well, and that made Rei feel… She could not quite put it. Needed, but in a way that was beyond her purpose. That felt nice, too. And she genuinely wished to help Ikari if she could. Soothing him felt like a success to her.
If Commander Ikari said it was necessary or helpful for the Scenario that his son piloted EVA-01, then Rei believed this and would hence contribute to Shinji Ikari doing so. But at the same time… she felt he should be aware that he could in fact leave. It was… difficult to navigate around those two factors.
She would do her best, though. She greatly disliked the thought of disappointing either Ikari. That was why she was standing in her usual spot on Shinji Ikari's way back home, and watched motionlessly as he approached. It was a bit inefficient that she was staying in school for hours and only really got to interact with him afterwards, never more than a quarter or half an hour, but that as well was better than nothing.
"Ikari," she greeted him. "How are you feeling?"
He had asked that the day before, and might do so again. It was often part of his greeting. But this time, she wanted to ask.
"Ah, I'm fine, Ayanami," Ikari replied with false cheer. Then he sighed. "Actually, no, not really. There's no reason not to tell you. I... I dread going home. Going to Misato's apartment."
"Why?" Rei asked.
"I... argued with Misato," Shinji explained. "I probably shouldn't have."
Rei's eyebrows moved by a few millimetres. "Captain Katsuragi is your direct superior." It would be inconceivable for Rei to argue with superiors.
"Is she?" Shinji argued back. "I have a NERV ID card, but no rank or anything. I'm not part of her military hierarchy."
Rei knew what he meant. Commander Ikari had once explained to her why NERV was set up that way, why the pilots could not be officially part of the military hierarchy. He had called it a 'necessary social construct'. She had not understood why it was necessary, but she had trusted him. Now this meant she lacked the understanding to argue against what Shinji Ikari was saying.
Ikari sighed. "But I still shouldn't have. I do take part in EVA operations, after all, and she... she is my guardian as well."
Rei nodded slightly. She had never fully understood the role of 'guardians'. To her, a superior was a superior. She did not understand why several redundant relationships codifying that status were necessary. She made no difference between Gendo Ikari as Commander of NERV or as her guardian. But if that special role of Captain Katsuragi as Shinji Ikari's guardian made him listen to her, then that role was apparently doing its job. That was good.
"Why did you argue with her?" Rei asked.
"I was angry," Ikari explained. "She wanted to know why. So I told her. I... I don't like how she's treating us, Ayanami. Her operations plan nearly got you killed at Mt Asama, and against the latest angel she redeployed Soryu and me while we were still unconscious. It's callous. It seems... it seems we're just tools to her."
I am. But Rei could not tell him that. And he did not need to bear that burden. "You dislike being considered a tool?"
"Of course!" Ikari exclaimed. "I wished... I wished people cared about me. About me, not my use. That they were nice to me. But it seems I can only get their attention when I pilot my Evangelion."
Rei thought this important. This was the first time Ikari had mentioned what he wanted for himself. She would have to keep that in mind.
"What will you do now?" she asked.
Ikari sighed again. "I don't know. I don't want to go back to Misato's place. Not until it's evening, at least. I suppose I'll just walk around in the city again. It's just too bad that Kensuke and Touji have gone home already."
"Would you have liked them at your side?" Rei asked.
Ikari shrugged. "I did hang out with them in the city now and then. Doing that without friends... It's boring walking the streets on your own. Kinda... lonely."
Rei considered that and mentally checked her schedule for the day. There were no assignments at NERV. It would be a very unusual change in her routine, but it would not at all infringe on her duties. "I can accompany you."
Ikari almost jumped up. "Huh... what?"
"Would that not make walking through the city less boring and lonely?" Rei argued.
"Ah, well, I suppose," Ikari stammered. "But, uh, but..."
His reaction was strange to her, but that did not bother her. Most people reacted at least occasionally in ways she considered strange, and she had learned to live with that. People acting strangely was normalcy for her. The only exception to that was Commander Ikari. She knew what motivated him, all his actions were dedicated to that and he was always straightforward. She liked that about him.
"It isn't the same as walking with friends," she conceded, "but it might be preferable to the alternative."
"Well, uh..." Ikari began to mumble. "I think... I think we might be considered friends as well, but..."
That makes sense, Rei reflected. Their regular talks would probably let them fall into that category. That was... good, even though it was strange to give a value to something not related to the Scenario. But then, it surely also would not hurt the Scenario, so that was probably okay. She waited for Ikari to finish what he was trying to say.
"...I mean, I don't want to be presumptuous... that is, if you don't mind to be considered a friend..."
"I don't," Rei simply answered.
"Ah, good," Ikari stated. "But even so... well, you see..." Rei just waited. "People might get the wrong impressions. It would kinda look like... like a date I suppose." His voice trailed off awkwardly.
"If people think that, they're wrong," Rei stated matter-of-factly. When Ikari just stared at her, she for once felt compelled to clarify: "There is no need to worry about their misconceptions."
"Well, yeah," Ikari admitted, "but..." For some reason he looked away, seemingly into the distance. He sighed. "I really don't want to spend another day like yesterday. So, if it's really no bother to you..."
Rei simply shook her head her head and waited. Looking hesitantly at her, Ikari got going.
They walked in silence. Rei had never done so before – just walking, not to get to anywhere but just as an activity in itself. It seemed futile and wasteful, but if that was what Ikari wanted, then there maybe was a purpose to it. He now and then glanced over to her, as if he were awkward with the arrangement or maybe the silence, but if he had complaints, he did not voice them. The two just walked on.
After a while, she felt her shoulders relax slightly. This was really unlike her daily routine. She did not need to worry about the next assignment on her schedule, as there were none for today, and yet she also was not at her apartment, just waiting for the next day. Instead she walked through the city simply because she wanted to do so. Because Ikari appreciated it.
She noticed another one of Ikari's glances. He was smiling. Smiling at her. Only the Ikaris had ever done that. She felt blood creep up in her cheeks. That was not something that happened when she talked with the elder Ikari. She was unsure what to....
An image of red and orange popped into her mind. "How about, oh I don't know... be damn happy yourself? How about trying to simply smile, idiot?"
Pilot Soryu's instructions. Delivered with a fire that was so very unlike Rei herself or Shinji Ikari. But Soryu had been right back then. She had given good advice. So the next time Ikari glanced over, Rei smiled herself. She tried to, at least, because it did feel right, it did feel fitting to what she was experiencing. Even so, it were only the corners of her mouth that slightly moved upwards.
It still surprised Ikari as much as her smile at Mt Futago had. Again he nearly missed a step, before managing to smile back even while his mouth was wide open. As the two walked on, he looked down, but kept his smile.
Pilot Soryu is proven right again. Maybe her overly forceful behaviour has some merit. It did drive home her point, and heeding her point seems useful.
After they had walked like that for some further minutes, Ikari commented: "I'm glad you accompanied me, Ayanami."
"Hm," Ayanami voiced in agreement.
"It's not quite the same as hanging out with Kensuke and Touji... they talk like they get paid by the word... but it's... nice," Ikari added.
She was glad that... She decided to say it. "I am glad this turned out okay for you, Ikari."
Now Ikari grunted agreement.
A silent half-hour later, Rei remarked: "I do not remember ever coming through this area of the city."
"Uh, well, it's a pretty large city..." Ikari offered as explanation. "I..." He stopped. Rei did likewise, looking at him for an explanation. He looked at its watch. "Still at least four hours until sunset," he muttered, and then looked at Rei. "Do you mind using the tram to a place outside the city?"
"No," Rei answered truthfully.
She followed Ikari after he abruptly changed his direction. If he wanted to use the tram, that was fine by her as well. She had never used the line they were taking now, but she was familiar with the tram grid in Tokyo-3. The line would end just outside the city.
She sat down. So did Ikari, at least a metre away from her on the bench on her right side. Since there were only a handful other people on that tram that was alright. He looked down as the vehicle got going, and for some reason formed a fist. After two stations he got something out of his pocket: his music player. He looked at it as if in contemplation, then suddenly looked up.
"Ayanami," he asked her, "do you listen to music?"
Rei shook her head.
"I only have my usual tape with me, so it may not be to your liking, but... you could give it a try," he suggested to her and held out his music player.
Carefully, she took it. She looked at it, its small body and the cables extending from it. She... she had no idea what to do with it. She remembered how Ikari usually wore it, the plugs in his ears. Was that... right? She hesitantly led one plug to her ear, but stopped mid-movement.
"Go on," Ikari prompted her with a smile. When she did not, he got up and walked over the step in between them. He blushed slightly. "Uh... Ayanami... if I may?"
Rei just nodded, unsure what he meant.
He slowly reached out his hand, slow enough to stop it, carefully took her wrist and gently led her hand to her ear. His index finger lightly pushed against the backside of her hand, prompting her to enter the plug. His face, now directly in front of her, had become even redder, but he was still smiling faintly.
His hand had become warmer as well.
Rei knew the feelings of other hands on her body: as part of her regular medical tests, when people first showed her how to enter a plugsuit, when medics had taken her out of EVA-00's entry-plug. Few had been as warm as Ikari's. And none as careful and gentle.
She also stuck the other earplug in. Nothing happened, until Shinji took her other hand, in order to make her hold up the player. He pressed a button.
As expected, there were sounds coming out of the earplugs. Music, Rei supposed. She could even discern a rhythm ordering those sounds. As far as she understood musical theory, it was that rhythm that made people appreciate music. However, to her, that had never happened. To her, pieces of music remained just sequences of sounds.
Another station was passed when Ikari asked: "So, what are you thinking, Ayanami?"
"I do not know if the music is adequate," she answered truthfully. "I am incapable of judging it."
"What do you mean?" Ikari asked. "You must have an opinion." He chuckled. "You can tell me if it's bad, I don't mind."
"It is not better or worse than any other music I have heard," Rei told him. "I cannot tell what makes music good."
"Oh," Ikari voiced. He sounded disappointed. He sat down again. In fact, he let himself fall down onto the bench without much thinking, so that now he sat much closer to Rei. He looked down for a while, until he muttered: "That can't be."
Rei looked at him to discern what he meant.
"Even if you're not much into music," Ikari now addressed her, "there is one piece... one segment.... let me show it to you..." He took the player and began pushing buttons. The music jumped to a different piece. "It's kinda slow in the beginning, I know, but there is one part... hm." He looked over sheepishly. "May I have one of the earplugs back? So I can see how much to fast-forward."
Wordlessly, she handed him the right earplug. He had to lean towards her so that there would be enough cable length. She did likewise, leaning to her right side, supporting herself on her hand. She felt Ikari straighten up. His hand was nearly in the exact same location. Then he fast-forwarded the song up to a certain point.
Now more instruments carried the music, not that Rei could discern between them or name them. The music became more voluminous, more forceful. To Rei, it made no difference. It still evoked no emotional response in her, as she had read music should. She did not say anything, though. It was still nice. She did not enjoy the music, but it did not bother her, either.
She did like sitting close to Ikari while he enjoyed the music. The tape started the next song, and the next, and the two still just sat there.
Finally, though, the train arrived at its final destination. By then, the two were the only remaining passengers. They got up somewhat awkwardly, and Rei handed the player back. She was vaguely sad that the situation had ended, but she would never have protested.
The station consisted of a single platform. From there, Ikari led Rei up some stairs on a hill slope, leading to a street. They followed the street until it reached a car park.
Ikari smiled. "Isn't that a sight?"
He made a gesture spanning the horizon. The car park was on a cliff overlooking Tokyo-3. There were tower viewers at the edges.
Rei looked at Ikari, to see where he was going with this.
"Tokyo-3," he exclaimed. "The city we protect. The city you and Soryu protected against the last angel."
He was right, of course. If an angel ever reached Terminal Dogma, and she was not there to enact the Emergency Solution, then Tokyo-3 would be at the centre of the devastation. Its physical form would be destroyed and its people, like all humans, gone.
Rei had never seen the city from this angle, but she knew the maps. The layout was familiar to her.
Ikari now stood right at the railing. He let his head hang low. "Misato took me here, after I had defeated the first angel. To show me what I've been fighting for. I wonder..." His hands griped the railing hard.
For minutes, the two just stood there, looking over the city, wind passing over them. Finally, Rei asked: "What do you wonder?"
"Misato..." Ikari answered. "Why she showed this to me. Did she genuinely wish to... I don't know. Cheer me up? Praise me? Or did she calculate that this would make it more likely I'd pilot Evangelion? Did she want to help me, or manipulate me?"
"Your fears are unfounded," Rei told him. "I do not think Captain Katsuragi has the necessary skills."
That made Ikari look at her. "What do you mean?"
"Captain Katsuragi is an excellent tactician," Rei explained, "which is reflected in her role as Operations Director. Her skills at social manipulation are far less pronounced. Otherwise, she would be employed in a different manner, most likely administration." Commander Ikari certainly had prodigious skills in that field, which was to the benefit of the Scenario: For its sake, everybody had to be employed according to their abilities. And for Shinji Ikari and Rei this meant piloting Evangelion.
"I see..." Ikari answered. "Well, you have known her longer, so I trust your judgement. But then..." He shook his head and looked over the city again. After a while, he spoke again: "Ayanami... what do you think about the city?"
"It is my home," she simply replied.
"Home..." Ikari echoed. "That makes sense. I... I don't think I have a home."
She looked over to him. "Is Tokyo-3 not also your home?"
"It's where I live," Ikari corrected her. "But home... isn't that supposed to be the place where you're happy to return to?"
Oh. That made Rei reconsider. "Then, maybe, I also do not have a home."
"That's... sad," Ikari judged. "And yet, you just go on, and never do something as stupid as lounging around in the city all day just because you don't want to return to your place of residence."
Rei did not comment on that. There was nothing to say about it.
More time passed by. "It doesn't seem you're enjoying yourself here, Ayanami," Ikari stated.
"Enjoying myself?" Rei repeated.
"That's why people come here, isn't it?" Ikari said. "To enjoy the view over the city. Apparently you don't."
Rei considered that. "No. I do not see where that enjoyment should come from."
Ikari sighed and smiled. It looked oddly sad. "It's all right. Let's head back."
They waited silently at the train station, the only people to do so, and entered a hence otherwise empty tram.
After its departure, Rei suggested: "Maybe we could listen to music together again?"
That seemed to surprise Ikari. "I thought you... uh, yeah. Sure."
He got his music player out. This time, the plugs were in the ears facing each other, so they did not sit as closely together, but it was still fine. Again, Rei leaned in closer to Ikari.
They sat like this all the way to the opposite end station. They took the same tram back, and, on Ikari's suggestion, boarded another one near the devastated city centre. The rest of the day was thus spent riding trams. Ayanami had never realized that could be enjoyable.
Get back here! Get back in line, S/R, you're widely out of bound! *tries to catch Shinji and Rei with a large butterfly net* Ah well. Can't fight one's instincts, it seems
So for now, that connection is surging widely ahead.It is convenient that fandom already considers Aoba a nihilist. Though I suppose what he said here is more existentialism with nihilist terminology. Still, good to give Shinji a different perspective
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Chapter 7 - Cross-Synch
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Misato currently felt very much like she was conducting a combat operation. She had an objective, she needed to stick to her strategy, and things could go horribly wrong. In fact, right now she would probably have preferred directing a combat operation. At least you could submit angels with enough overwhelming firepower. But this… this required her to be delicate, and Misato was unsure if she could do delicate.
For the first time in three days, both she and Shinji would have no other choice but to be in close proximity. It was Saturday, synch-tests had been scheduled at NERV, and she would drive him to there. She had not even commented when he had come home very late again the previous day. This was not an issue to be resolved by putting him on the spot in the apartment's corridor. The entire point was to make him comfortable again with the notion of talking with Misato again, and with living at her apartment. But in order to get there, he had to know that he could do so, that she was not offended, that there was no reason to avoid her.
To her relief, he had not run away and taken the train, as part of her had feared. Instead, he waited at the apartment door, and the two walked down to the street in silence. That silence continued when they entered the car and she started it. Shinji just looked outside the window, his face as far away from her as possible. If he was surprised at how slowly Misato was driving he did not show it. She wanted to gain as much time for this as possible. It was not easy for her, either.
Finally, without looking at the boy, she said: "I'm not angry, you know, Shinj." That got no reaction, so after a while, Misato continued: "And you don't need to explain anything. I… I think I understand. In any case, it's your decision what you tell me."
Tokyo-3 was a planned city, with a street grid intelligently designed to handle all foreseeable traffic and then some. In addition, the public transportation system was all-encompassing. As a result, there hardly ever were jams in the city. Misato could leisurely cruise through it without needing to pay much attention to the street; there hardly was any other car on it. The sun, now eternally a summer sun, shone from high up on the city.
"You can just come home normally," Misato went on. "And talk to me normally. If that makes you more comfortable, we can simply forget about the past days."
Shinji still looked out of the window, unmoving, as if she had not said anything. Misato felt a slight stirring of despair rise inside her. She had not expected her little appeal to solve everything, but it looked right now as if it was effecting absolutely nothing.
"Or you can talk with me," she nonetheless continued. "About... what you told me. You aren't really wrong, you know. But, well..." She stopped herself. "But that's only if you want to. It's up to you. We can talk about it or forget about it, just as you want. But there's no reason for you to avoid me."
Shinji continued looking outside. Even as the car entered a garage in the Geofront, and all he had in front of his eyes was a simple grey wall, that did not change. Even without his SDAT player, it seemed like he was in his own small world.
It was only when the car had stopped and they were leaving it that he asked: "Would talking change anything? You'd still be the Operations Director, and I'd still be a pilot."
But I don't want to be just your Operations Director, you need someone that cares for you... Misato remained quiet. She had taken Shinji in because she had felt sorry for him, and she still did. She had genuine sympathy for him, and the more she had gotten to know him, the more she realized what a withdrawn person he was and how much a weight piloting EVA was on him, the more she had gotten to care. But maybe that was in fact the problem. He had nobody who just cared about him: Even his own guardian was the person who would send him into battle time after time again.
"Shinji, I..." she began, and then shook her head. This was too complex to talk about on the way from the garage to the testing area. And there was no use in a talk if she would be the only one speaking. She could only hope that her appeal had at least on some level gotten through to him.
This day is a complete waste.
Misato had always been one for unusual ideas. Sometimes those were in fact brilliant: Only someone like her could have the chutzpah to requisition the most advanced prototype weapon of the JSSDF and the power output of all of Japan... and in the end, that had saved the day. It was befitting that the Evangelion operations were led by such a tactical maverick.
But at other times, her ideas were simply plain crazy. Asuka still remembered that from her time with her in Germany. And this... this was definitely such a time.
She understood the concept behind the cross-synch tests, in theory. It was always possible that a pilot might get injured, and that a replacement was needed for their unit. And in general, it would allow for greater tactical flexibility if pilots could synchronize with units other than their own. Asuka suspected Misato was also preparing for Shinji finally deciding to run away, which was definitely a concern as far as she was concerned.
But in reality the chross-synch tests made no damn sense. EVA-02 was hers. It worked for her because she had trained in it for eight years already, more than half her life. It was the Standard Production Model, the final and ready form of the Evangelion series, the schema later Evangelion units would use, free of the instabilities the Prototype and the Test Type suffered from. It only made sense that it should be piloted, exclusively, by the best pilot. Maybe Shinji and Rei had a certain knack for compensating for the weaknesses of the inferior units, but that would not help them with EVA-02.
She could have told Misato and Dr Akagi as much, but nooo, they had to actually test that. The results so far were unsurprising: Neither Shinji nor Rei had managed to synchronize with EVA-02. To be precise, both had managed some points of synchronization. Apparently, it was near-impossible to enter the entry-plug of an Evangelion with an A10 headset and not get some connection. But in Rei's case that connection amounted to 3%, and in Shinji's to 6%, both way below the minimal 16% necessary to even get a unit moving at least very shakingly.
Next in line had been EVA-01. Asuka had been the first to try it. It had been... weird. In a way she could not fully describe, the unit had felt different to EVA-02. Colder, harder. She had achieved 6% connection as well, and she had felt the low rate. Synchronizing with EVA-02 was like easily slipping into a warm bathrobe, the attempt with 01 felt like rubbing against a cold steel wall. Inferior models using inferior technology. 'Made in Germany' still wins out.
Now, she was in the Pribnow Box watching Rei enter the entry-plug. Ritsuko and her technicians had not been very enthused about a pilot still in plugsuit and smelling like LCL inviting herself into their domain, but Asuka did not care. It were exactly those eggheads who made her do those stupid tests, so she might as well watch them in turn. She stood in a corner and sulkily leaned against the wall.
"Alles Quatsch..." she muttered.
Misato spared a short, angry glare for her. She just scoffed defiantly in return. She looked at the other person leaning against a wall, at least two metres away from her: Shinji Ikari. The boy had his view cast down, and in particular he seemed to avoid eye contact with Misato. He had only come up into the Pribnow Box some minutes ago, after learning that was where Asuka had been during the EVA-02 tests. It was a curious decision: Asuka had come up here because staying in the locker rooms or the waiting areas would have been just plain boring. So she could understand if Shinji felt the same... only that he had not spoken a single word in since coming up, and mostly looked down on his feet. He could have done that elsewhere as well.
"Third stage connection complete," Ibuki announced from her terminal. "Harmonics are stable. Synchrate at 38%"
"That's just three to four points lower than her synchrate with EVA-00," Dr Akagi commented.
"Seems like we got ourselves the first successful cross-synchronization for today," Ibuki announced so cheerfully that it caused Asuka to silently groan. The lieutenant was the very picture of the annoying genki girl stereotype.
Dr Akagi looked over Ibuki's shoulder at her screen and nodded. "That was to be expected. The personal data of Units 00 and 01 is nearly identical. Really, only Shinji and Rei ever had any realistic chance at cross-synching."
Misato was standing behind the terminals. "So, Rei, how does it feel to finally pilot EVA-01 after all?"
"It smells like Ikari," the pilot reported with barely any inflection.
Asuka blinked hard. That was not an answer she had expected. "What the fuck does she mean by that?" she hissed over to Shinji. "She knows your scent already?"
To her surprise, she saw that Shinji was now looking up. He even had gone some steps ahead, and seemed to be intensely starring at the scene before him.
"Shinji?" Asuka prompted. "Don't you dare dodge my questions!"
Instead of answering, he muttered: "I... I know that unit. EVA-01."
"Are you stupid?" Asuka almost yelled back, voice barely subdued enough to not disturb the technicians. "It's yours!"
Shinji shook his head and stepped back to the wall again. "No, from... before that. Long before that."
"So you have seen EVAs before after all?" Asuka questioned him. Typical. Just typical. Nobody tells the truth.
"I... don't know," Shinji answered. "I can't remember. But now that I'm looking at EVA-01 from above... I know that view, I'm sure of it. Something...." He seemed to shudder. "Something happened here."
Asuka merely raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, sure, whatever."
He kinda fits to Wondergirl. Both are just weird. Shinji was a nice enough guy, but that was exactly the problem with him: EVA pilots were handling the most powerful war machines on the planet. They were not supposed to be nice. Angels would not be defeated by polite words. Maybe it's a Japanese thing. Then again, it's not like Wondergirl is the height of courteous behaviour.
In the past few days, her thoughts had regularly gone back to the battle with the most recent angel, the one now dubbed Ramiel. That was to be expected, of course. Strangely enough, she had often not thought back to her glorious defeat of the blue octahedron, but rather of her rescue of Rei. Or her and Shinji supporting Rei while walking towards the command post. In a way, that was what Asuka would have wanted: Camaraderie between victorious pilots, the elite sticking together, the only ones that knew what fighting angels meant. That was why she had been so disappointed by the personalities of the Japanese pilots: She had envisioned people with whom she could boast and celebrate, not a subdued wimp wavering back and forth on piloting and an emotion-less freak. She supposed at least the latter one's blue hair gave her a certain aura of exoticness befitting her special status, but Asuka still wondered what the hell her deal was.
She watched as Shinji left the Pribnow Box. Unit 01 was loaded back into the cages; Unit 00 was now brought in.
Dr Akagi had once told Shinji that entry-plugs were not unit-specific. Every entry-plug could be inserted into every unit. However, for some reason EVA-00's entry-plug, or maybe its current one was different to the ones he was used to from EVA-01. The manual control handles were much less pronounced; instead of a control terminal in front of him, between his knees, he only had the handles at his sides. This was not just Ayanami's unit, it was her entry-plug as well.
And yet, it did not feel all that different to his. Despite all the horrors he had experienced as pilot of EVA-01, he felt calm inside it. Maybe it was just the reassurance of having a several hundreds ton heavy war machine under his control, but there was something in his mental connection to EVA-01 that calmed him. And even though he had only gone to the first stage connection with EVA-00, he felt the same here.
"Shinji, how are you feeling?" Dr Akagi asked over the comm system.
"It... it feels like Ayanami," Shinji reported. "As if she were here, somehow."
Maybe that was the difference. The First Child herself had become a major source of calm and reassurance for Shinji over the past three weeks or so. He could not pinpoint the source of his comfort in Unit 01, but now, in Unit 00, it felt like Ayanami, in a way Shinji could not quite explain. But then, that's typical for the Evangelions. I understand nothing about them.
"Hm," Dr Akagi answered vaguely. "If you aren't feeling any problems, we'll be initiating second contact now."
"It's fine," Shinji replied lamely.
Playing guinea pig in machines I know nothing about... The image of EVA-01 from above struck his memory again. What is it with that? That exact angle... I have seen it from that exact angle before and then something... happened. Something bad, as a sense of foreboding told him.
Ibuki reported: "Harmonics are stable. Synchrate at 41%. Three points better than Rei in Unit 01."
"Hey, that's fifteen below your usual standard!" Soryu shouted into the comm system. "Stop fantasizing about Wondergirl and show some effort, Third Child!"
"Asuka!" Misato cut her off.
When Shinji had come to Tokyo-3, his synchrate had been nearly ten points higher than Ayanami's, and these days it usually was nearly fifteen points higher. Cross-synching seemed to totally evaporate that advantage. But Shinji did not care. To him, those were all just numbers. Math talk. Good for the scientists and engineers, irrelevant for him.
"I'm now increasing harmonics by twenty," Ibuki reported. "Initiating third contact."
Shinji breathed out and tried to relax, the way he had been told to act in synchro-tests. It seemed like it would become just that, just another...
...there was a pain behind his left eye.
What... Then a... hum in his thoughts. Something in his thoughts that he had not thought himself.
He instinctively tried to repel this intrusion. He closed his eyes... and a flood of images assaulted him.
Ayanami standing at the street leading to Misato's appartment. Ayanami on her stretcher, in the EVA cages. Ayanami trying to tell him and Soryu about Operation Yashima. Seeing Ayanami after her rescue from Mt Asama. Ayanami in the train, a plug in her ear. Ayanami atop of Soryu. Ayanami at Mt Futago, between him and Soryu, smiling.
A vision of Ayanami standing in the middle of the street, before he had even met her, disappeared again in an instant.
A nude young Ayanami with large eyes floating silently towards him.
There was a noise from outside, from outside the entry-plug, from outside the Evangelion. There was something wrong with the Evangelion. He could feel it.
An EVA malfunctioning... noises... people shouting...
And then he remembered.
A bright white room, full of cables, extending in front of him beyond a window. At its bottom, EVA-01.
He himself, in a room full of more cables and machines and computers. Behind him, behind a desk that is almost makeshift, a person he loves... Father? That was... Father.
"Ikari, this isn't a daycare centre. This is a very important day."
That voice sounds... familiar.
"I'm sorry, Professor. I brought him here."
Those words, those sounds came automatically into Shinji's mind. Tears welled up inside him. That voice... that voice!
"I want to show him how bright the future will be."
I... waved at those words...
...at Mother's words.
And then, chaos broke out. He had not understood back then, of course, and he still did not. In fact, he had completely forgotten about this all. Even now, all he remembered were people shouting... his Father shouting, desperately, enraged, pleading... broken in the end. Not caring about him, only what was happening in front of him.
He remembered crying. Only one person paid attention to him. A person he had thought had an unkindly face, all frowns, surrounded by short, black, curly hair. He had cried at her legs. But even she had left him. She had set out to save his mother.
She had failed. They all had failed. That day was the last day Shinji had seen his mother.
What the hell...?
Unit 00 was holding his head like a person with a headache. As if it were alive. There were no signals from Shinji inside his entry-plug. The EVA seemed to move on its own. Asuka had read the reports of course: EVA-00 going berserk during its activation test, EVA-01 going berserk against in the battle against Sachiel... Those Japanese units were simply unreliable. Such things simply did not happen with EVA-02.
I should...
Asuka jumped back in shock. EVA-00 had just rammed its fist into the Pribnow Box. And again. And again. The glass began to splinter.
"Rei, get back!" Misato shouted. "Rei!"
The First Child stood right in front of the windows and did not move. She just watched calmly as EVA-00 delivered one punch after the other in her direction. As if it wanted to kill its own pilot. Yet, even as pieces of broken glass flew around her, Rei did not move.
Suddenly, EVA-00's huge Cyclopean face loomed large directly on the other side of the windows. The Pribnow Box was dented, but had mostly held against the punches. Now, the Unit seemingly tried to headbutt its way in. And Rei still just stood there.
"Activation will be terminated in 25 seconds," Ibuki reported. "21... 20..."
That was too long. Acting without thinking, Asuka ran to the front of the room. She grabbed Rei at the shoulder and pulled, but the bluenette still did not move. The Pribnow Box shook as EVA-00's head came down against it again. Asuka now grabbed Rei at the waist and dragged her backwards.
EVA-00's head came down again. The windows burst.
Shocked, Asuka froze, her arms still around Rei. She was only metres away from the alien face of an out of control Evangelion.
The Evangelion roared, another thing EVA-02 had never done.
This was not her unit, but it was an Evangelion. A machine to be controlled by pilots. Asuka looked at it angrily, defiantly. She would not cower in front of a machine.
She also did not let go of Rei.
A train station. A man leaving behind a crying child.
Coldemptyalone....
A park bench. People passing by, pointing at the boy on it, whispering. His father killed his mother...
Coldemptyalonesocold...
An SDAT player. Music in his ears, the world around him forgotten.
Coldemptyalonecoldisolated...
A new room, a new ceiling, empty but for a futon.
Coldemptyalonecoldisolatedfaraway...
Yet another ceiling. He was in a hospital bed. Nobody else was there.
Coldemptyalonecoldisolatedfarawaycoldcoldcold...
There was nothing there anymore. No feeling of comfort. No feeling of Ayanami. Just a leather seat and handles in his hands. He had formed them to tight fists around them, he noticed. LCL all around him. It did feel cold indeed. And something even colder in his head, in his brain, in his mind... something that was absolutely neutral and sterile.
With a sudden jolt, Shinji realized he had come to his senses again. He was still in EVA-00's entry plug. There still was at least a second stage connection, because he could see right in front of the Evangelion. Right into the Pribnow Box... which lay open and dented in front of him. He could see every single person inside. He realized EVA-00's head was right in front of that new hole in the wall.
And inside that room, Ayanami. Held by Soryu.
"Ayanami!" he shouted. "Soryu!"
There was an immediate response from within the Pribnow Box. "Shinji!" Misato shouted over the comm system. She sounded worried. "Shinji, are you alright?"
While Misato spoke, Shinji saw Ayanami straightening up and getting free of Soryu's grip. She took a step forwards, towards the EVA, and said something, something not picked up by the comm system. Then she let her head hang low and left. Soryu looked after her.
"I... I am fine," Shinji waved the question away. "Did... did I... did the EVA hurt anyone? Ayanami? Soryu?"
He saw Soryu running over to a terminal.
"She said sorry," Soryu told him venomously. "Whatever for. You could have killed her! Killed me!"
"Sorry," Shinji answered himself, looking down. "I... I didn't mean..."
"Big consolation that is to us!" Soryu shouted.
"Asuka!" Misato cut in once again, and grabbed her away from the terminal by the shoulder. "Shinji... are you hurt?"
Shinji could still hear Soryu scoffing. He shook his head. At least, he did not think he was hurt, but thinking was very difficult right now.
I... I saw mother.
...I saw mother die. EVA-01... EVA-01 took her.
"I'm fine," he simply answered and sounded nearly as exhausted as he felt. "What happened?"
"Unit 00 went berserk," Dr Akagi reported. Her tone was neutral, matter-of-fact, without any worry, sympathy or any of the other emotions making Misato's voice a turmoil. "That was not you. The mental flow reversed. EVA-00 entered your thoughts, instead of the other way around. We disconnected its power supply, but somehow the incident ended even before power ran out, and you became conscious again. So far, we have no idea what caused all this."
Ayanami... that was Ayanami that I felt. Even right before... even right before the Evangelion went berserk. Even right before I... remembered. That thought disturbed him. It seemed EVA-00 had nearly broken the Pribnow Box. Such violence, such fury... those were not things he would associate with Ayanami.
"Unit 00 is still not fully responding to our signals," Dr Akagi continued. "I'm sorry, but it might take a while until we can get your entry-plug out of there."
Dr Akagi and Misato had insisted Shinji should stay in the NERV hospital for some hours for observation. He himself saw no reason for that. He felt fine, but he did not argue. So once again, he lay on a bed, hooked up to all kinds of instruments he did not understand, looking up to a ceiling he seriously began to resent, and listening to his SDAT player.
Mother...
His mother had worked on EVA-01. EVA-01 had killed his mother. His father had seen it. And yet, his father had still made him pilot EVA-01.
I piloted the machine that killed Mother. That... absorbed her. While she was in it like I am in it. Because Father said so.
He really doesn't care about me.
His mother... he could only vaguely recall her. Her warmth, mostly. He could not remember her face, and nearly nothing of her voice – only those two sentences that had come to him now.
"I want to show him how bright the future will be." … Unit 01 destroyed that future. For her. And for me.
The room's door opened. Shinji immediately turned to lay on his side, facing away from it. Misato was in the door frame.
She did not enter.
"They've cleared you, Shinji," she told him. "We can go home."
Shinji clenched a hand to a fist. It was miserable how he still avoided her. He should never have yellled at her in the first place, and now he only made it all worse. But he just did not know what to say.
After the silence had stretched for a while, Misato announced: "I'll wait in the car. Get dressed." She closed the door again and left.
He curled up into a ball. He would go 'home', of course, to Misato's apartment, but the atmosphere there would be tense. He felt like he had no refuge in the world. At 'home', he had to face Misato, and at NERV they wanted him to pilot the very machine that had absorbed his mother when she had tried the same.
That is my life...
He got up unenthusiastically and slowly. His 'civilian' clothes, his school uniform, had been taken to the room. He got dressed. Only afterwards he took his hospital gown, and, with a sigh, folded it.
He stepped into the hospital corridor. Frustratingly enough, he knew the hospital well enough already that he knew the way to the garage.
He stopped, startled, when he came around a corner and saw Soryu there, leaning against a wall. She had changed out of her plugsuit, into a simple jeans and shirt combination.
"Third Child," she greeted him.
"Soryu," he greeted back. "What... what are you doing here?"
She turned around to face him and shouted: "What the hell was that about?"
"Wha... what?" Shinji exclaimed.
"You're the guy who got a synchrate of over 40% in his first try," Asuka accused him. "And yet, you can't control the Prototype? I was in there as well. I didn't cause it to berserk."
"Ah... ah, well..." Shinji stuttered, too put on the spot to even consider the issue, to defend himself. "I'm sorry."
"What were you even doing inside that thing when it tried to kill Rei... tried to kill me?" Asuka demanded to know.
"I want him to show how bright the future will be."
That memory washing over him again drowned out all the shock of seeing Soryu. He cast his view down and again formed fists.
"I remembered," he half-whispered.
The sudden seriousness of his voice made Soryu stop, then she scoffed. "A great time to think about the..."
Now it came all out of Shinji, even though he still spoke to the floor in a subdued, slow voice: "I remembered my mother. She had worked on EVA-01. There was an experiment. I never saw her again afterwards."
"Your mother?" Soryu asked. "I should... I should have known..." She still sounded angry, but it was a crumbling, confused anger.
"I think it was when I was five... four maybe?" Shinji continued. "EVA-01 just... absorbed her."
"Four..." Soryu now simply whispered. Her anger seemed to have gone. "And she was working on the EVA unit you now pilot?" Shinji nodded without looking up. There was an awkward pause, before Soryu asked: "That experiment... a... ah, Kontaktexperiment... a contact experiment?"
Shinji's face jerked up. "Someone... my father, I think... yes, they used that term."
"You lost... your mother... in a contact experiment... with your EVA unit?" Soryu asked. She suddenly looked ghostly pale.
"What about it?" Shinji asked back petulantly.
Soryu closed the gap between them with a sudden step, grabbed him at the shoulders and shook. "What else do you remember?"
"N...nothing!" Shinji insisted. "I didn't even remember all that. It only came back to me... inside EVA-00. I know my father supervised the experiment, and there were a lot of other people, but I don't know who they were."
Soryu let go of him. She kept looking at him, her face still displaying shock, then she suddenly turned and ran away.
Shinji was left behind, wondering. What was that about?
It took some moments until he resumed his walk to the garage.
Misato sat in her car, and had both hands on the driving wheel, even though the motor was off. She had been so proud when the vehicle had been delivered to her. A genuine Renault Alpine from Europe. Now, this hardly seemed to matter. It seemed the Angel War did not leave room for frivolities like her interest in cars.
She felt frustrated. Frustrated at Shinji, frustrated at her general situation and now also frustrated at Ritsuko. The leader of NERV's science section had been unable to explain to her what had happened. Worse, she also seemed uninterested in telling her. This was not the first time Misato had seen Ritsuko unable to solve a challenge. Their memories from college days were full of happy moments, fun times, but also of desperate struggles to pass their exams. Granted, a bit more desperate for Misato than for Ritsuko, but even the faux-blonde had not been a perfect, always correct student. And back then, she had always confided her problems, also her problems with college classes, in Misato.
What has happened since then?
It was clear nobody could have foreseen EVA-00 going berserk. Nobody was at fault here. But after Shinji's accusations, it bothered her that yet again he had to bear the brunt of their failures.
The whole situation would be a whole lot easier if he did not have a point.
She waited nearly half an hour, agitated, but determined to not get irritated with Shinji. Finally, she saw him slouching into the garage and entering the car. Misato started it.
As they left the Geofront and entered the open street, she began to talk: "So, Shinji, what do you want to do now?" Again, he just looked out of the window. "How long do you want to keep this up, coming home late at night, ignoring me, not talking? It's possible for you to keep it up indefinitely, but is that what you want?"
Finally, there was a response, even if it was barely audible. "No. I don't think so."
"I told you, we can just get back to where we were," Misato told him softly.
"Going back to pretending?" Shinji murmured.
"What do you mean?" Misato asked.
Shinji leaned back and now looked straight ahead. He shook his head. "Eventually, the next angel will come. You'll deploy me again. We'd just be pretending everything is in order."
There was a long silence in the car. Finally, Misato answered: "You can stop piloting EVA, if that is what bothers you. I can understand that. We are asking too much of you."
Again, Shinji shook his head. "I already tried to leave once. And then stayed. I can't waver back and forth forever."
"Says who?" Misato challenged him. "Both the first and the second angel would have utterly destroyed Tokyo-3, and you defeated both on your own. You saved the city two times over." And the world, but he doesn't need to know that. "You don't need to worry about what others think of you."
"You say that now, but if the next angel were to attack right now you would say everything to get me into the entry-plug," Shinji argued. Misato was about to answer, but he just continued, without rancour, without much emotion at all: "And I can understand that. Evangelions are needed to fight angels, and I'm needed to pilot Evangelion. Ayanami can take over for me, but that would still leave you with one fewer active Evangelion. With so much depending on the Evangelions, it would be selfish for me to run away."
Misato furrowed her brows. Is that his honest conviction, or is he again just going along with what he's being told? In any case she had to admit that he, once again, had a point. During an angel attack, she would most likely do everything to have three Evangelion units ready and deployable.
"Why did you stay, at that train station?" Misato asked softly.
Shinji looked down, on the seat between his legs. As expected, he took his time in answering. "I thought I had finally found someone who cared about me. I know my tutor never did, he just did his job. I didn't want to go back to that. To being so alone. Even if it meant piloting EVA."
"You stayed because of me?" Misato whispered. Shinji just vaguely grunted confirmation. Misato had thought something like this was the case, but him openly saying so now caused another pang of guilt inside her. "You..." She stopped herself, but then decided to go through with it. The Commander wouldn't like this, but screw him. "You don't need to leave if you stop piloting. I am your legal guardian. I can decide to stay that. And I would, if you want, even if you stop being a pilot." I owe him at least that much.
Shinji looked at her, an undecipherable expression on his face. Then he leaned back into his seat again. "That would be nice, but... it wouldn't work. Maybe you wouldn't try to get me into EVA-01 immediately when the next angel attacks, but as soon as things get rough..." He shook his head again. "The only way for me to avoid piloting it is to leave Tokyo-3."
"And you still don't want to?" Misato concluded.
"I don't want to return to being all alone," Shinji answered.
The car passed a busy intersection, at least by Tokyo-3 standards. Again, Misato furrowed her brows, and then suddenly turned left to enter a supermarket parking lot. Shinji could only brace himself against the sudden forces of inertia. When the car stopped, he looked at her in surprise.
"You're right in one thing, Shinji," she told him in a serious voice, looking straight back at him. "The next angel will come. And when that happens I will deploy you if you're still a pilot. I have to."
"I understand that," Shinji answered weakly. "You are the Operations Director..."
"Yes, I am," Misato replied, then sighed and softened her tone. "Maybe... maybe it was a mistake that I took you in." She saw how Shinji turned stiff at that. "Maybe you deserved someone better. Someone who can care only about you. I do care, Shinji. But I also have to care about fighting the angels, and that's... that's unfair on you. You deserve someone who only thinks of you, not also other considerations."
There again was silence for a long time in the car. And when Shinji answered, he was back to being barely audible: "It's not like there was anyone else who would have taken me in."
"You could have stayed at NERV headquarters," Misato pointed out.
Again, silence. Until Shinji muttered: "Is that what you want?"
"No, Shinji," Misato reassured him. "It is not what I want. I like to have you around. But I'm considering what would be best for you." She smirked bitterly. "Outside of the Angels just randomly stopping to attack."
And once again, silence. Misato was glad to have parked here. By now they would have long since reached the apartment, but this was a conversation that needed to happen.
"I don't know what's best for me," Shinji stated weakly. "I don't know what I want. I don't want to pilot EVA, I don't want to return to my tutor, I don't think I can stay here without piloting EVA... it's pathetic."
"No, it's not," Misato disagreed. "Yes, you are indecisive. But normally, people don't have to take EVA and fighting giant alien abominations into account in their decisions. You do, and that's our fault."
"Maybe..." Shinji began to muse, but as usual it took a while before he continued. "Maybe simply continuing as before is the best option. But, once the next angel arrives, I... I mean, I wouldn't like that you..." He stopped.
"You would resent me for deploying you again," Misato summarized. Shinji looked away. She sighed. "Maybe... maybe that's okay. After all, I am forcing you, a boy of fourteen, into life and death battles."
"But I can't live with you and then..." Shinji argued, still looking out of the window.
"Why not?" Misato interrupted him. "Maybe that is the best solution. You continue living with me... and if I deploy you, you hate me. It's alright if you do, Shinji. We're forcing you into such an impossible situation, asking so much of you... it's right if you resent people for that. I'm not offended by that."
And maybe... probably... I deserve being hated.
Yeah, that'll probably continue the discussion about Misato and Shinji's reasons for piloting. If people already thought Misato should have better defended herself against the allegations...
But of course, the most important thing is that Shinji remembers...
For the first time in three days, both she and Shinji would have no other choice but to be in close proximity. It was Saturday, synch-tests had been scheduled at NERV, and she would drive him to there. She had not even commented when he had come home very late again the previous day. This was not an issue to be resolved by putting him on the spot in the apartment's corridor. The entire point was to make him comfortable again with the notion of talking with Misato again, and with living at her apartment. But in order to get there, he had to know that he could do so, that she was not offended, that there was no reason to avoid her.
To her relief, he had not run away and taken the train, as part of her had feared. Instead, he waited at the apartment door, and the two walked down to the street in silence. That silence continued when they entered the car and she started it. Shinji just looked outside the window, his face as far away from her as possible. If he was surprised at how slowly Misato was driving he did not show it. She wanted to gain as much time for this as possible. It was not easy for her, either.
Finally, without looking at the boy, she said: "I'm not angry, you know, Shinj." That got no reaction, so after a while, Misato continued: "And you don't need to explain anything. I… I think I understand. In any case, it's your decision what you tell me."
Tokyo-3 was a planned city, with a street grid intelligently designed to handle all foreseeable traffic and then some. In addition, the public transportation system was all-encompassing. As a result, there hardly ever were jams in the city. Misato could leisurely cruise through it without needing to pay much attention to the street; there hardly was any other car on it. The sun, now eternally a summer sun, shone from high up on the city.
"You can just come home normally," Misato went on. "And talk to me normally. If that makes you more comfortable, we can simply forget about the past days."
Shinji still looked out of the window, unmoving, as if she had not said anything. Misato felt a slight stirring of despair rise inside her. She had not expected her little appeal to solve everything, but it looked right now as if it was effecting absolutely nothing.
"Or you can talk with me," she nonetheless continued. "About... what you told me. You aren't really wrong, you know. But, well..." She stopped herself. "But that's only if you want to. It's up to you. We can talk about it or forget about it, just as you want. But there's no reason for you to avoid me."
Shinji continued looking outside. Even as the car entered a garage in the Geofront, and all he had in front of his eyes was a simple grey wall, that did not change. Even without his SDAT player, it seemed like he was in his own small world.
It was only when the car had stopped and they were leaving it that he asked: "Would talking change anything? You'd still be the Operations Director, and I'd still be a pilot."
But I don't want to be just your Operations Director, you need someone that cares for you... Misato remained quiet. She had taken Shinji in because she had felt sorry for him, and she still did. She had genuine sympathy for him, and the more she had gotten to know him, the more she realized what a withdrawn person he was and how much a weight piloting EVA was on him, the more she had gotten to care. But maybe that was in fact the problem. He had nobody who just cared about him: Even his own guardian was the person who would send him into battle time after time again.
"Shinji, I..." she began, and then shook her head. This was too complex to talk about on the way from the garage to the testing area. And there was no use in a talk if she would be the only one speaking. She could only hope that her appeal had at least on some level gotten through to him.
This day is a complete waste.
Misato had always been one for unusual ideas. Sometimes those were in fact brilliant: Only someone like her could have the chutzpah to requisition the most advanced prototype weapon of the JSSDF and the power output of all of Japan... and in the end, that had saved the day. It was befitting that the Evangelion operations were led by such a tactical maverick.
But at other times, her ideas were simply plain crazy. Asuka still remembered that from her time with her in Germany. And this... this was definitely such a time.
She understood the concept behind the cross-synch tests, in theory. It was always possible that a pilot might get injured, and that a replacement was needed for their unit. And in general, it would allow for greater tactical flexibility if pilots could synchronize with units other than their own. Asuka suspected Misato was also preparing for Shinji finally deciding to run away, which was definitely a concern as far as she was concerned.
But in reality the chross-synch tests made no damn sense. EVA-02 was hers. It worked for her because she had trained in it for eight years already, more than half her life. It was the Standard Production Model, the final and ready form of the Evangelion series, the schema later Evangelion units would use, free of the instabilities the Prototype and the Test Type suffered from. It only made sense that it should be piloted, exclusively, by the best pilot. Maybe Shinji and Rei had a certain knack for compensating for the weaknesses of the inferior units, but that would not help them with EVA-02.
She could have told Misato and Dr Akagi as much, but nooo, they had to actually test that. The results so far were unsurprising: Neither Shinji nor Rei had managed to synchronize with EVA-02. To be precise, both had managed some points of synchronization. Apparently, it was near-impossible to enter the entry-plug of an Evangelion with an A10 headset and not get some connection. But in Rei's case that connection amounted to 3%, and in Shinji's to 6%, both way below the minimal 16% necessary to even get a unit moving at least very shakingly.
Next in line had been EVA-01. Asuka had been the first to try it. It had been... weird. In a way she could not fully describe, the unit had felt different to EVA-02. Colder, harder. She had achieved 6% connection as well, and she had felt the low rate. Synchronizing with EVA-02 was like easily slipping into a warm bathrobe, the attempt with 01 felt like rubbing against a cold steel wall. Inferior models using inferior technology. 'Made in Germany' still wins out.
Now, she was in the Pribnow Box watching Rei enter the entry-plug. Ritsuko and her technicians had not been very enthused about a pilot still in plugsuit and smelling like LCL inviting herself into their domain, but Asuka did not care. It were exactly those eggheads who made her do those stupid tests, so she might as well watch them in turn. She stood in a corner and sulkily leaned against the wall.
"Alles Quatsch..." she muttered.
Misato spared a short, angry glare for her. She just scoffed defiantly in return. She looked at the other person leaning against a wall, at least two metres away from her: Shinji Ikari. The boy had his view cast down, and in particular he seemed to avoid eye contact with Misato. He had only come up into the Pribnow Box some minutes ago, after learning that was where Asuka had been during the EVA-02 tests. It was a curious decision: Asuka had come up here because staying in the locker rooms or the waiting areas would have been just plain boring. So she could understand if Shinji felt the same... only that he had not spoken a single word in since coming up, and mostly looked down on his feet. He could have done that elsewhere as well.
"Third stage connection complete," Ibuki announced from her terminal. "Harmonics are stable. Synchrate at 38%"
"That's just three to four points lower than her synchrate with EVA-00," Dr Akagi commented.
"Seems like we got ourselves the first successful cross-synchronization for today," Ibuki announced so cheerfully that it caused Asuka to silently groan. The lieutenant was the very picture of the annoying genki girl stereotype.
Dr Akagi looked over Ibuki's shoulder at her screen and nodded. "That was to be expected. The personal data of Units 00 and 01 is nearly identical. Really, only Shinji and Rei ever had any realistic chance at cross-synching."
Misato was standing behind the terminals. "So, Rei, how does it feel to finally pilot EVA-01 after all?"
"It smells like Ikari," the pilot reported with barely any inflection.
Asuka blinked hard. That was not an answer she had expected. "What the fuck does she mean by that?" she hissed over to Shinji. "She knows your scent already?"
To her surprise, she saw that Shinji was now looking up. He even had gone some steps ahead, and seemed to be intensely starring at the scene before him.
"Shinji?" Asuka prompted. "Don't you dare dodge my questions!"
Instead of answering, he muttered: "I... I know that unit. EVA-01."
"Are you stupid?" Asuka almost yelled back, voice barely subdued enough to not disturb the technicians. "It's yours!"
Shinji shook his head and stepped back to the wall again. "No, from... before that. Long before that."
"So you have seen EVAs before after all?" Asuka questioned him. Typical. Just typical. Nobody tells the truth.
"I... don't know," Shinji answered. "I can't remember. But now that I'm looking at EVA-01 from above... I know that view, I'm sure of it. Something...." He seemed to shudder. "Something happened here."
Asuka merely raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, sure, whatever."
He kinda fits to Wondergirl. Both are just weird. Shinji was a nice enough guy, but that was exactly the problem with him: EVA pilots were handling the most powerful war machines on the planet. They were not supposed to be nice. Angels would not be defeated by polite words. Maybe it's a Japanese thing. Then again, it's not like Wondergirl is the height of courteous behaviour.
In the past few days, her thoughts had regularly gone back to the battle with the most recent angel, the one now dubbed Ramiel. That was to be expected, of course. Strangely enough, she had often not thought back to her glorious defeat of the blue octahedron, but rather of her rescue of Rei. Or her and Shinji supporting Rei while walking towards the command post. In a way, that was what Asuka would have wanted: Camaraderie between victorious pilots, the elite sticking together, the only ones that knew what fighting angels meant. That was why she had been so disappointed by the personalities of the Japanese pilots: She had envisioned people with whom she could boast and celebrate, not a subdued wimp wavering back and forth on piloting and an emotion-less freak. She supposed at least the latter one's blue hair gave her a certain aura of exoticness befitting her special status, but Asuka still wondered what the hell her deal was.
She watched as Shinji left the Pribnow Box. Unit 01 was loaded back into the cages; Unit 00 was now brought in.
Dr Akagi had once told Shinji that entry-plugs were not unit-specific. Every entry-plug could be inserted into every unit. However, for some reason EVA-00's entry-plug, or maybe its current one was different to the ones he was used to from EVA-01. The manual control handles were much less pronounced; instead of a control terminal in front of him, between his knees, he only had the handles at his sides. This was not just Ayanami's unit, it was her entry-plug as well.
And yet, it did not feel all that different to his. Despite all the horrors he had experienced as pilot of EVA-01, he felt calm inside it. Maybe it was just the reassurance of having a several hundreds ton heavy war machine under his control, but there was something in his mental connection to EVA-01 that calmed him. And even though he had only gone to the first stage connection with EVA-00, he felt the same here.
"Shinji, how are you feeling?" Dr Akagi asked over the comm system.
"It... it feels like Ayanami," Shinji reported. "As if she were here, somehow."
Maybe that was the difference. The First Child herself had become a major source of calm and reassurance for Shinji over the past three weeks or so. He could not pinpoint the source of his comfort in Unit 01, but now, in Unit 00, it felt like Ayanami, in a way Shinji could not quite explain. But then, that's typical for the Evangelions. I understand nothing about them.
"Hm," Dr Akagi answered vaguely. "If you aren't feeling any problems, we'll be initiating second contact now."
"It's fine," Shinji replied lamely.
Playing guinea pig in machines I know nothing about... The image of EVA-01 from above struck his memory again. What is it with that? That exact angle... I have seen it from that exact angle before and then something... happened. Something bad, as a sense of foreboding told him.
Ibuki reported: "Harmonics are stable. Synchrate at 41%. Three points better than Rei in Unit 01."
"Hey, that's fifteen below your usual standard!" Soryu shouted into the comm system. "Stop fantasizing about Wondergirl and show some effort, Third Child!"
"Asuka!" Misato cut her off.
When Shinji had come to Tokyo-3, his synchrate had been nearly ten points higher than Ayanami's, and these days it usually was nearly fifteen points higher. Cross-synching seemed to totally evaporate that advantage. But Shinji did not care. To him, those were all just numbers. Math talk. Good for the scientists and engineers, irrelevant for him.
"I'm now increasing harmonics by twenty," Ibuki reported. "Initiating third contact."
Shinji breathed out and tried to relax, the way he had been told to act in synchro-tests. It seemed like it would become just that, just another...
...there was a pain behind his left eye.
What... Then a... hum in his thoughts. Something in his thoughts that he had not thought himself.
He instinctively tried to repel this intrusion. He closed his eyes... and a flood of images assaulted him.
Ayanami standing at the street leading to Misato's appartment. Ayanami on her stretcher, in the EVA cages. Ayanami trying to tell him and Soryu about Operation Yashima. Seeing Ayanami after her rescue from Mt Asama. Ayanami in the train, a plug in her ear. Ayanami atop of Soryu. Ayanami at Mt Futago, between him and Soryu, smiling.
A vision of Ayanami standing in the middle of the street, before he had even met her, disappeared again in an instant.
A nude young Ayanami with large eyes floating silently towards him.
There was a noise from outside, from outside the entry-plug, from outside the Evangelion. There was something wrong with the Evangelion. He could feel it.
An EVA malfunctioning... noises... people shouting...
And then he remembered.
A bright white room, full of cables, extending in front of him beyond a window. At its bottom, EVA-01.
He himself, in a room full of more cables and machines and computers. Behind him, behind a desk that is almost makeshift, a person he loves... Father? That was... Father.
"Ikari, this isn't a daycare centre. This is a very important day."
That voice sounds... familiar.
"I'm sorry, Professor. I brought him here."
Those words, those sounds came automatically into Shinji's mind. Tears welled up inside him. That voice... that voice!
"I want to show him how bright the future will be."
I... waved at those words...
...at Mother's words.
And then, chaos broke out. He had not understood back then, of course, and he still did not. In fact, he had completely forgotten about this all. Even now, all he remembered were people shouting... his Father shouting, desperately, enraged, pleading... broken in the end. Not caring about him, only what was happening in front of him.
He remembered crying. Only one person paid attention to him. A person he had thought had an unkindly face, all frowns, surrounded by short, black, curly hair. He had cried at her legs. But even she had left him. She had set out to save his mother.
She had failed. They all had failed. That day was the last day Shinji had seen his mother.
What the hell...?
Unit 00 was holding his head like a person with a headache. As if it were alive. There were no signals from Shinji inside his entry-plug. The EVA seemed to move on its own. Asuka had read the reports of course: EVA-00 going berserk during its activation test, EVA-01 going berserk against in the battle against Sachiel... Those Japanese units were simply unreliable. Such things simply did not happen with EVA-02.
I should...
Asuka jumped back in shock. EVA-00 had just rammed its fist into the Pribnow Box. And again. And again. The glass began to splinter.
"Rei, get back!" Misato shouted. "Rei!"
The First Child stood right in front of the windows and did not move. She just watched calmly as EVA-00 delivered one punch after the other in her direction. As if it wanted to kill its own pilot. Yet, even as pieces of broken glass flew around her, Rei did not move.
Suddenly, EVA-00's huge Cyclopean face loomed large directly on the other side of the windows. The Pribnow Box was dented, but had mostly held against the punches. Now, the Unit seemingly tried to headbutt its way in. And Rei still just stood there.
"Activation will be terminated in 25 seconds," Ibuki reported. "21... 20..."
That was too long. Acting without thinking, Asuka ran to the front of the room. She grabbed Rei at the shoulder and pulled, but the bluenette still did not move. The Pribnow Box shook as EVA-00's head came down against it again. Asuka now grabbed Rei at the waist and dragged her backwards.
EVA-00's head came down again. The windows burst.
Shocked, Asuka froze, her arms still around Rei. She was only metres away from the alien face of an out of control Evangelion.
The Evangelion roared, another thing EVA-02 had never done.
This was not her unit, but it was an Evangelion. A machine to be controlled by pilots. Asuka looked at it angrily, defiantly. She would not cower in front of a machine.
She also did not let go of Rei.
A train station. A man leaving behind a crying child.
Coldemptyalone....
A park bench. People passing by, pointing at the boy on it, whispering. His father killed his mother...
Coldemptyalonesocold...
An SDAT player. Music in his ears, the world around him forgotten.
Coldemptyalonecoldisolated...
A new room, a new ceiling, empty but for a futon.
Coldemptyalonecoldisolatedfaraway...
Yet another ceiling. He was in a hospital bed. Nobody else was there.
Coldemptyalonecoldisolatedfarawaycoldcoldcold...
There was nothing there anymore. No feeling of comfort. No feeling of Ayanami. Just a leather seat and handles in his hands. He had formed them to tight fists around them, he noticed. LCL all around him. It did feel cold indeed. And something even colder in his head, in his brain, in his mind... something that was absolutely neutral and sterile.
With a sudden jolt, Shinji realized he had come to his senses again. He was still in EVA-00's entry plug. There still was at least a second stage connection, because he could see right in front of the Evangelion. Right into the Pribnow Box... which lay open and dented in front of him. He could see every single person inside. He realized EVA-00's head was right in front of that new hole in the wall.
And inside that room, Ayanami. Held by Soryu.
"Ayanami!" he shouted. "Soryu!"
There was an immediate response from within the Pribnow Box. "Shinji!" Misato shouted over the comm system. She sounded worried. "Shinji, are you alright?"
While Misato spoke, Shinji saw Ayanami straightening up and getting free of Soryu's grip. She took a step forwards, towards the EVA, and said something, something not picked up by the comm system. Then she let her head hang low and left. Soryu looked after her.
"I... I am fine," Shinji waved the question away. "Did... did I... did the EVA hurt anyone? Ayanami? Soryu?"
He saw Soryu running over to a terminal.
"She said sorry," Soryu told him venomously. "Whatever for. You could have killed her! Killed me!"
"Sorry," Shinji answered himself, looking down. "I... I didn't mean..."
"Big consolation that is to us!" Soryu shouted.
"Asuka!" Misato cut in once again, and grabbed her away from the terminal by the shoulder. "Shinji... are you hurt?"
Shinji could still hear Soryu scoffing. He shook his head. At least, he did not think he was hurt, but thinking was very difficult right now.
I... I saw mother.
...I saw mother die. EVA-01... EVA-01 took her.
"I'm fine," he simply answered and sounded nearly as exhausted as he felt. "What happened?"
"Unit 00 went berserk," Dr Akagi reported. Her tone was neutral, matter-of-fact, without any worry, sympathy or any of the other emotions making Misato's voice a turmoil. "That was not you. The mental flow reversed. EVA-00 entered your thoughts, instead of the other way around. We disconnected its power supply, but somehow the incident ended even before power ran out, and you became conscious again. So far, we have no idea what caused all this."
Ayanami... that was Ayanami that I felt. Even right before... even right before the Evangelion went berserk. Even right before I... remembered. That thought disturbed him. It seemed EVA-00 had nearly broken the Pribnow Box. Such violence, such fury... those were not things he would associate with Ayanami.
"Unit 00 is still not fully responding to our signals," Dr Akagi continued. "I'm sorry, but it might take a while until we can get your entry-plug out of there."
Dr Akagi and Misato had insisted Shinji should stay in the NERV hospital for some hours for observation. He himself saw no reason for that. He felt fine, but he did not argue. So once again, he lay on a bed, hooked up to all kinds of instruments he did not understand, looking up to a ceiling he seriously began to resent, and listening to his SDAT player.
Mother...
His mother had worked on EVA-01. EVA-01 had killed his mother. His father had seen it. And yet, his father had still made him pilot EVA-01.
I piloted the machine that killed Mother. That... absorbed her. While she was in it like I am in it. Because Father said so.
He really doesn't care about me.
His mother... he could only vaguely recall her. Her warmth, mostly. He could not remember her face, and nearly nothing of her voice – only those two sentences that had come to him now.
"I want to show him how bright the future will be." … Unit 01 destroyed that future. For her. And for me.
The room's door opened. Shinji immediately turned to lay on his side, facing away from it. Misato was in the door frame.
She did not enter.
"They've cleared you, Shinji," she told him. "We can go home."
Shinji clenched a hand to a fist. It was miserable how he still avoided her. He should never have yellled at her in the first place, and now he only made it all worse. But he just did not know what to say.
After the silence had stretched for a while, Misato announced: "I'll wait in the car. Get dressed." She closed the door again and left.
He curled up into a ball. He would go 'home', of course, to Misato's apartment, but the atmosphere there would be tense. He felt like he had no refuge in the world. At 'home', he had to face Misato, and at NERV they wanted him to pilot the very machine that had absorbed his mother when she had tried the same.
That is my life...
He got up unenthusiastically and slowly. His 'civilian' clothes, his school uniform, had been taken to the room. He got dressed. Only afterwards he took his hospital gown, and, with a sigh, folded it.
He stepped into the hospital corridor. Frustratingly enough, he knew the hospital well enough already that he knew the way to the garage.
He stopped, startled, when he came around a corner and saw Soryu there, leaning against a wall. She had changed out of her plugsuit, into a simple jeans and shirt combination.
"Third Child," she greeted him.
"Soryu," he greeted back. "What... what are you doing here?"
She turned around to face him and shouted: "What the hell was that about?"
"Wha... what?" Shinji exclaimed.
"You're the guy who got a synchrate of over 40% in his first try," Asuka accused him. "And yet, you can't control the Prototype? I was in there as well. I didn't cause it to berserk."
"Ah... ah, well..." Shinji stuttered, too put on the spot to even consider the issue, to defend himself. "I'm sorry."
"What were you even doing inside that thing when it tried to kill Rei... tried to kill me?" Asuka demanded to know.
"I want him to show how bright the future will be."
That memory washing over him again drowned out all the shock of seeing Soryu. He cast his view down and again formed fists.
"I remembered," he half-whispered.
The sudden seriousness of his voice made Soryu stop, then she scoffed. "A great time to think about the..."
Now it came all out of Shinji, even though he still spoke to the floor in a subdued, slow voice: "I remembered my mother. She had worked on EVA-01. There was an experiment. I never saw her again afterwards."
"Your mother?" Soryu asked. "I should... I should have known..." She still sounded angry, but it was a crumbling, confused anger.
"I think it was when I was five... four maybe?" Shinji continued. "EVA-01 just... absorbed her."
"Four..." Soryu now simply whispered. Her anger seemed to have gone. "And she was working on the EVA unit you now pilot?" Shinji nodded without looking up. There was an awkward pause, before Soryu asked: "That experiment... a... ah, Kontaktexperiment... a contact experiment?"
Shinji's face jerked up. "Someone... my father, I think... yes, they used that term."
"You lost... your mother... in a contact experiment... with your EVA unit?" Soryu asked. She suddenly looked ghostly pale.
"What about it?" Shinji asked back petulantly.
Soryu closed the gap between them with a sudden step, grabbed him at the shoulders and shook. "What else do you remember?"
"N...nothing!" Shinji insisted. "I didn't even remember all that. It only came back to me... inside EVA-00. I know my father supervised the experiment, and there were a lot of other people, but I don't know who they were."
Soryu let go of him. She kept looking at him, her face still displaying shock, then she suddenly turned and ran away.
Shinji was left behind, wondering. What was that about?
It took some moments until he resumed his walk to the garage.
Misato sat in her car, and had both hands on the driving wheel, even though the motor was off. She had been so proud when the vehicle had been delivered to her. A genuine Renault Alpine from Europe. Now, this hardly seemed to matter. It seemed the Angel War did not leave room for frivolities like her interest in cars.
She felt frustrated. Frustrated at Shinji, frustrated at her general situation and now also frustrated at Ritsuko. The leader of NERV's science section had been unable to explain to her what had happened. Worse, she also seemed uninterested in telling her. This was not the first time Misato had seen Ritsuko unable to solve a challenge. Their memories from college days were full of happy moments, fun times, but also of desperate struggles to pass their exams. Granted, a bit more desperate for Misato than for Ritsuko, but even the faux-blonde had not been a perfect, always correct student. And back then, she had always confided her problems, also her problems with college classes, in Misato.
What has happened since then?
It was clear nobody could have foreseen EVA-00 going berserk. Nobody was at fault here. But after Shinji's accusations, it bothered her that yet again he had to bear the brunt of their failures.
The whole situation would be a whole lot easier if he did not have a point.
She waited nearly half an hour, agitated, but determined to not get irritated with Shinji. Finally, she saw him slouching into the garage and entering the car. Misato started it.
As they left the Geofront and entered the open street, she began to talk: "So, Shinji, what do you want to do now?" Again, he just looked out of the window. "How long do you want to keep this up, coming home late at night, ignoring me, not talking? It's possible for you to keep it up indefinitely, but is that what you want?"
Finally, there was a response, even if it was barely audible. "No. I don't think so."
"I told you, we can just get back to where we were," Misato told him softly.
"Going back to pretending?" Shinji murmured.
"What do you mean?" Misato asked.
Shinji leaned back and now looked straight ahead. He shook his head. "Eventually, the next angel will come. You'll deploy me again. We'd just be pretending everything is in order."
There was a long silence in the car. Finally, Misato answered: "You can stop piloting EVA, if that is what bothers you. I can understand that. We are asking too much of you."
Again, Shinji shook his head. "I already tried to leave once. And then stayed. I can't waver back and forth forever."
"Says who?" Misato challenged him. "Both the first and the second angel would have utterly destroyed Tokyo-3, and you defeated both on your own. You saved the city two times over." And the world, but he doesn't need to know that. "You don't need to worry about what others think of you."
"You say that now, but if the next angel were to attack right now you would say everything to get me into the entry-plug," Shinji argued. Misato was about to answer, but he just continued, without rancour, without much emotion at all: "And I can understand that. Evangelions are needed to fight angels, and I'm needed to pilot Evangelion. Ayanami can take over for me, but that would still leave you with one fewer active Evangelion. With so much depending on the Evangelions, it would be selfish for me to run away."
Misato furrowed her brows. Is that his honest conviction, or is he again just going along with what he's being told? In any case she had to admit that he, once again, had a point. During an angel attack, she would most likely do everything to have three Evangelion units ready and deployable.
"Why did you stay, at that train station?" Misato asked softly.
Shinji looked down, on the seat between his legs. As expected, he took his time in answering. "I thought I had finally found someone who cared about me. I know my tutor never did, he just did his job. I didn't want to go back to that. To being so alone. Even if it meant piloting EVA."
"You stayed because of me?" Misato whispered. Shinji just vaguely grunted confirmation. Misato had thought something like this was the case, but him openly saying so now caused another pang of guilt inside her. "You..." She stopped herself, but then decided to go through with it. The Commander wouldn't like this, but screw him. "You don't need to leave if you stop piloting. I am your legal guardian. I can decide to stay that. And I would, if you want, even if you stop being a pilot." I owe him at least that much.
Shinji looked at her, an undecipherable expression on his face. Then he leaned back into his seat again. "That would be nice, but... it wouldn't work. Maybe you wouldn't try to get me into EVA-01 immediately when the next angel attacks, but as soon as things get rough..." He shook his head again. "The only way for me to avoid piloting it is to leave Tokyo-3."
"And you still don't want to?" Misato concluded.
"I don't want to return to being all alone," Shinji answered.
The car passed a busy intersection, at least by Tokyo-3 standards. Again, Misato furrowed her brows, and then suddenly turned left to enter a supermarket parking lot. Shinji could only brace himself against the sudden forces of inertia. When the car stopped, he looked at her in surprise.
"You're right in one thing, Shinji," she told him in a serious voice, looking straight back at him. "The next angel will come. And when that happens I will deploy you if you're still a pilot. I have to."
"I understand that," Shinji answered weakly. "You are the Operations Director..."
"Yes, I am," Misato replied, then sighed and softened her tone. "Maybe... maybe it was a mistake that I took you in." She saw how Shinji turned stiff at that. "Maybe you deserved someone better. Someone who can care only about you. I do care, Shinji. But I also have to care about fighting the angels, and that's... that's unfair on you. You deserve someone who only thinks of you, not also other considerations."
There again was silence for a long time in the car. And when Shinji answered, he was back to being barely audible: "It's not like there was anyone else who would have taken me in."
"You could have stayed at NERV headquarters," Misato pointed out.
Again, silence. Until Shinji muttered: "Is that what you want?"
"No, Shinji," Misato reassured him. "It is not what I want. I like to have you around. But I'm considering what would be best for you." She smirked bitterly. "Outside of the Angels just randomly stopping to attack."
And once again, silence. Misato was glad to have parked here. By now they would have long since reached the apartment, but this was a conversation that needed to happen.
"I don't know what's best for me," Shinji stated weakly. "I don't know what I want. I don't want to pilot EVA, I don't want to return to my tutor, I don't think I can stay here without piloting EVA... it's pathetic."
"No, it's not," Misato disagreed. "Yes, you are indecisive. But normally, people don't have to take EVA and fighting giant alien abominations into account in their decisions. You do, and that's our fault."
"Maybe..." Shinji began to muse, but as usual it took a while before he continued. "Maybe simply continuing as before is the best option. But, once the next angel arrives, I... I mean, I wouldn't like that you..." He stopped.
"You would resent me for deploying you again," Misato summarized. Shinji looked away. She sighed. "Maybe... maybe that's okay. After all, I am forcing you, a boy of fourteen, into life and death battles."
"But I can't live with you and then..." Shinji argued, still looking out of the window.
"Why not?" Misato interrupted him. "Maybe that is the best solution. You continue living with me... and if I deploy you, you hate me. It's alright if you do, Shinji. We're forcing you into such an impossible situation, asking so much of you... it's right if you resent people for that. I'm not offended by that."
And maybe... probably... I deserve being hated.
Yeah, that'll probably continue the discussion about Misato and Shinji's reasons for piloting. If people already thought Misato should have better defended herself against the allegations...
But of course, the most important thing is that Shinji remembers...
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Chapter 8 - Interests
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Rei's daily appearance at that spot near the park, on Ikari's way home back to Captain Katsuragi's apartment, had become a regular part of her schedule, only interrupted when there were synch-tests or memory storage updates. She liked that it had become part of her routine, part of her normalcy, something that she could understand and plan for, something for which she did not depend on the vagaries of the outside world, which often confused her. Or maybe 'confuse' was the wrong term; in intellectual terms she understood most of what was going on around her. It was just that in most cases she did not understand the sense behind it all. She could read up on the reasons people did this and that, but to her those explanations often fell short.
It did not matter, of course. Her purpose was not interaction with people. The Scenario did not call for it. But until her purpose would be fulfilled completely, she would have to live in this world, with all the people. On a primal, instinctive level, a level she never felt in any other context, she felt a connection to these people, a will to protect them. But in her everyday life she felt totally alienated from them. So it was nice to be able to rely on a frame of normalcy, like a regular schedule.
And it was nice that this schedule included Ikari. She could not quite say why, but that was in the end irrelevant as well. Her association with Ikari did not hinder the Scenario, and it helped her to endure the time until its completion. That was enough to know.
As for him... Before Mt Futago, Rei had never paid attention to when and why people smiled. It had always been simply something people did, a part of the outside world to which she had felt no connection, like so many parts of that world. But Pilot Soryu's forceful advice still stuck with her. If I should feel happy when something good comes my way, and smile to express that feeling... and that is what I did feel at Mt Futago... then that is true for other people as well. She had noted Soryu herself was smiling a lot, but usually in odd ways, in grins and smirks. Ikari smiled sometimes when he was with Suzuhara and Aida. It was... good that he did, though Rei could not say why, and thus she felt almost grateful to the two.
But Ikari always smiled when he approached her on his way back home.
They were small smiles, subdued smiles and faint smiles. They were one reason she usually just stood there, looking in the direction from where he would come. It was the most logical and efficient way to wait, but beyond that it also meant she would see him before he would see her – and that way she could see every time that smile appearing as soon as he noticed her.
So it also was now. Rei could see Shinji coming up that small hill, could see him looking up to meet her gaze, and could see the corners of his lip curling up.
And inside her, she felt warmth.
"Ikari," she greeted him as he had reached her. "Will you spend the day in the city again?"
He shook his head. "Misato and I have... come to an understanding. I don't know if it'll work, but... I don't think I could have endured more days of tensions at the place where I sleep. I'm just glad we did find a way out of that."
"Oh," Rei merely replied. That's good. It was good Ikari did not have to endure that tension anymore. It was good that the Operations Director and one of her pilots were on agreeable terms again. That was good for the Scenario.
Why, then, did she feel sad?
"It is good that you can return to your usual schedule," she commented.
Ikari looked at her strangely, a bit as if he had not understood what she had just said. "Yes... it's good." He paused, and then eventually began: "Say, Ayanami... you know my father pretty well... do you know..."
He stopped. Eventually, Rei asked: "Do I know what?"
"Does he ever talk about my mother?" Ikari asked.
Rei knew his mother. The Commander spoke of her often enough. "You'll take me to Yui." As such, Rei nodded.
"Does he... did he ever say how she died?" Ikari pushed on.
"It happened in an accident," Rei answered.
"An accident with my EVA?" Ikari asked. Rei nodded. "Then why... then why hasn't Father ever told me anything about it? What happened back then?"
"Yui Ikari was lost in the initial contact experiment with EVA-01," Rei answered. She felt like she was treading on unsteady ground. This fact was of great importance to Commander Ikari. She was... unsure how much she could tell.
"And now my father wants me to pilot that very same unit," Ikari whispered. "The same unit that killed my mother."
"There have been no such accidents with EVAs since 2005," Rei tried to reassure him.
Ikari shook his head. "Even so, my father should have told me. But he probably feared I would not have piloted EVA-01 if I had known."
"Would you have?" Rei asked.
"I don't think I could have said no after..." He looked down and blushed. "After feeling you shaking with pain." Again that feeling of warmth. "But that isn't the point! I... I just want to decide on my own whether I pilot. And if I say no, others should respect that. Instead, they all try to manipulate me into getting into that entry-plug."
"Only you and I can pilot EVA-01," Rei pointed out.
"I know! And I will pilot it," Ikari insisted. "If only to keep my promise. But it hurts when I do. People shouldn't just expect me to do it. It's easy for them to do so, they don't have the experiences that I..." He shook his head.
"You want to be praised for piloting EVA by people?" Rei asked.
"And why not?" Ikari defended himself. "After all, they're all saved because of me, aren't they?" Rei remained silent. That was correct, but it did not feel relevant to her. He eventually seemed to pick up on that: "You don't think so?"
"Only a limited number of people can pilot EVA," Rei argued. "Therefore they should."
"I never asked for that ability," Ikari argued back.
Two completely different sets of ethics, Rei realized. She had a read a bit of philosophy. We are talking past each others.
After a while, Ikari looked down. "I'm sorry if you think I'm being selfish. But I just..."
"No," Ayanami simply stated. Ikari looked up. "It is all right if you have a different opinion. You still pilot EVA. It would be presumptuous to also demand that you do it for a particular reason. It is alright for you to want praise."
Shinji smiled, first faintly, then ever broader. "Thank you, Ayanami."
She tilted her head. She did not understand his reaction. They had talked. She did not see how she had rendered any particular service to Ikari. Even so, she was glad he thought so.
He sighed. "I guess... I just don't want to be treated as a tool. Nobody should be."
Not me, either?
"So, Asuka, what do you think?"
The real estate broker looked politely ahead. She had not understood a word of the question. Kaji was speaking German for just that reason. It allowed the two to speak frankly. Unlike with Misato, one could barely even hear an accent.
"It'll do," Asuka answered in the same language. She sauntered over to Kaji. "It looks like we can make ourselves really comfortable here, don't you think? Our private little love nest."
Kaji just smirked. "You mean like back in Germany?"
That caused Asuka to grimace and turn away from him. The hint about Germany, where all her advances had been rebuffed, did not sit well with her. She looked around the apartment again. "It's a bit small, isn't it? Just like all the others. And isn't there at least a single apartment somewhere with proper doors?"
"Unlikely," Kaji told her. "Truth be told, I've come to rather enjoy European style doors in Germany. Perfect for keeping unwanted people out."
"Exactly!" Asuka exclaimed. "It seems the Japanese are not all that great at building homes." She winked at him. "Your qualities are... elsewhere, right?"
"But this apartment is very near to the inner city, and the price is reasonable," Kaji stated without missing a beat. "I don't think we'll find anything better."
Asuka raised her head defiantly. "Fine. If you say so."
While Kaji went over to the broker to speak about conditions and terms, Asuka walked over to the nearest window and looked outside. The prospect of finally moving out of that hotel room was nice, but she was just getting nowhere with Kaji, and that was frustrating. She knew her current and her former guardian had a thing once. Is he still fixated on her? That would be kinda lame. Bah, I'm sure Misato's tits will begin to sag soon. Especially with how much weight they have. I'll just have to wait. But for how long?
Finally, after some more polite small talk with the broker, Kaji and Asuka could leave her behind in the apartment.
"Only two more weeks in that hotel, Asuka," Kaji told her in Japanese as they went to the car. "Then you'll have a real home again."
Asuka suppressed a Took you long enough. By then she would have stayed in the hotel for over a month. And the housing market in Tokyo-3 did not seem to be all that tight, especially now that the first angels had attacked. Kaji had just been dragging his feet. But she could not say so to him. He had his problems, but he still was considerable better than any boy her age, after all.
"A home together with you again," she instead commented.
Kaji sighed. "Yes. A home together with me."
They got into his car. Finally there was the opportunity to ask the question that had been on her mind for two days already. Now she was with Kaji in an environment with no listeners. Even so, she switched back to German: "Du, Kaji... what do you know about EVA-01?"
Kaji glanced over to her. "What do you mean?"
"Were there any accidents in its creation or activation?" Asuka asked.
Kaji took a second to order his thoughts. "Not that I know of. The Unit is obviously still not completely stable; the sortie against the angel dubbed Sachiel showed that. But it seems they had come a long way from the Prototype. There were no berserk activities upon activation, nothing. At least, as far as the official records are concerned. Why?"
"Shinji told me there was an accident," Asuka told him. "In the original contact experiment. He told me his mother died in it."
"Yui Ikari? The Commander's wife?" Kaji asked back. "That's... interesting. I looked into the Commander's files upon departure to Japan. There is no cause of death listed for his wife. I understand that caused quite a flurry of rumours that he had killed her. That always seemed... highly unlikely to me." He paused. "But she was an expert in the field of metaphysical biology, and a member of the Artificial Evolution Laboratory. The predecessor of GEHIRN and hence, ultimately, NERV."
"So it could have happened?" Asuka asked.
Kaji seemed to ponder that. "You know what, Asuka? Let's go to that high-end supermarket on our way back. You know, the one conveniently located on the other side of the city. And in the meanwhile, you tell me what Shinji has told you."
His facial expression did not change as Asuka did tell him. It nearly never did. He was too self-disciplined for that. Unlike Shinji, whom one could read like a book.
When Kaji spoke again, he sounded dead-serious. "Listen to me, Asuka. Don't tell this to anyone else, understood? Not even Misato. She's part of NERV, after all. And it seems very clear NERV does not want this to become common knowledge. For whatever reason. You were prudent to bring this up here. I regularly check this car for bugs. It would be unwise to talk about this in less safe areas."
"So what should I do now?" Asuka asked. "What will you do?"
"This is important to you, isn't it?" Kaji asked back.
Asuka just glared at him. He knew why that was so. All her guardians and former guardians did. That had always been one of the worst aspects about how NERV had approached her legal status. Not only had she been forced to constantly get used to new people, people with authority over her, it was also that these same people would be told about her mother. It had felt like a constant invasion of her privacy.
"Well, then you should try to find out more," Kaji continued. "Try if you can get more out of Shinji. But – don't use interrogation tactics. They won't work. Just talk normally to him." He grinned. "That's an old maxim in the intelligence business: You can get more information out of a subject in a friendly talk than in a forceful interrogation."
"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.
"If you try to beat the truth out of someone, they'll just tell you what they think you want to hear," Kaji explained. "Not necessarily the truth." His voice suddenly became graver and more quiet. "Not that there aren't still plenty of brutal idiots who don't understand that. People who justify their sadism to themselves by delusions of making the necessary 'hard decisions'." He shook his head and caught himself again. "So, if you're confrontational with Shinji, he'll just think about what best to tell you so as to lose you again. Besides, those memories... they need to come to him again. Gradually, gently. That's best done by just talking about them."
"So that's what I should do?" Asuka could not believe that should be the strategy. "Talk to that idiot like I were his friend or something?"
"Well, he is your colleague, isn't he?" Kaji reminded her. "So you'll just talk to him as a fellow pilot. No big deal. Meanwhile, I'll see what else I can find out about Yui Ikari and Unit 01."
"He isn't exactly the easiest person to talk to," Asuka complained. "All sulks and silence."
Kaji smirked. "Then see that as your challenge. Think about how you can get such a person to talk to you in a friendly manner. Surely, even if you dislike the task, you should be up to it."
Shinji was standing in front of Misato's door, his school bag already on his shoulders, and hesitated.
It was 07:40. He would have to leave the apartment soon to reach school in time. However, Misato was still not up. Once again, it seemed like he would have to wake her. There had always been something comical about a guardian who needed to rely on her ward to assure that she made it to work on time.
...it was not so comical anymore.
The previous evening, she had been all laughter and good spirits, but even by her standards, which involved using every opportunity to sound cheerful, it had sounded hollow. Still, Shinji was glad she had been that way. It made returning things to normal easier on him – something that was already difficult for him as it was. That was also the reason he had not yet told Misato what he had seen inside EVA-00. He did not want to make things even more complicated.
But so far, it had always been her doing that work, the work of going back to where things were. Waking her now would mean him doing likewise. He was unsure if he should. Uncertain if it was appropriate. He wanted to return to normal, but secretly he still doubted he deserved that.
Finally, he turned around and walked out of the apartment.
On his way to school he cursed himself for his cowardice. Once again, he was running away. Just as he had from Ayanami after the incident at her apartment, or indeed Misato after their argument. He stuck his plugs into his ears and started the SDAT player. On the whole way to school, he looked down. It helped him not to think about the world.
He hardly paid any attention to class until history came up. That was not such a bad class, after all. Sure, the teacher had a tendency to ramble, but in a weird way, it was a topic that Shinji could actually connect to. English with all its tenses and verb forms confused him, and maths was nearly as much a foreign language to him, with all the symbols and rules and the lack of applicability in real life. Not that history was much better in that regard. And yet, it did have a use for him. When the teacher droned on about the pre-Second Impact world, Shinji could almost imagine being there.
A distant world, far away from all the pains he suffered in this one. It did not matter if the topic was on the 20th century, the 19th century, or the pre-industrial age. None of those ages had angels and Evangelions, AT-Fields or prog-knives. And, although Shinji felt almost guilty for thinking that way, those were times when his father had not even been born yet.
Touji of course thought this all a big waste of time, but then he was bored by every class that was not physical education. He seemed to have a certain knack for English, probably because it gave him one more way to blather on and on, but he just put no effort into it. And as for maths, the natural sciences or Japanese... Shinji wondered how Touji had even been able to survive before he had shown up and had become his main source of homework. Kensuke, on the other hand, was actually a fairly good student, just lazy as well, and he also had a certain interest in history... just not in what the teacher had to tell. He was interested in wars and the politics behind them, not how people back then actually lived.
So it was not surprising that Touji celebrated the end of history class, and the beginning of lunch break with a loud and annoyed: "Fiiiiinally!"
Shinji sighed and got his lunch package out of his bag. A shadow fell on him. When he looked up, he was surprised to see Soryu standing at his desk. A fiery appearance full of life, just a metre away from him. He usually stayed away from her, as she seemed constantly displeased with him... something he could not really hold against her. But the strength of her presence, her aura, was undeniable.
Before he could start stuttering stupid stuff, she demanded to know: "Where do you always get those meals, anyway? I know the height of Misato's cooking abilities is sticking stuff in the microwave. And then letting it get burned there."
Shinji had to grin at that. Soryu seemed to have a talent for very apt descriptions, especially when they involved his guardian. The grin died when he thought about how he had left Misato this morning. "I make them. It's the only way to avoid her... 'meals'."
"You do?" Soryu exclaimed. Shinji felt a little bit disappointed in how shocked she sounded. "You must be the only boy in Japan who... nevermind. Is that actually edible?"
"You want a piece?" Shinji offered. With a suspicious look, Soryu took a piece of tempura. It was maybe slightly inappropriate to use fingers, but Shinji had no extra pair of chopsticks with him, so that was okay. For a moment, her eyes widened, before she was back to her normal frown. "Well, I've had better, but it isn't bad for a Japanese boy." Shinji moved a hand to his face to cover a smile. Soryu was very obvious. "And it beats the cafeteria food here, but then that usually falls just short of poisoning the students."
"You could make your own lunch food," Shinji encouraged her. "I'm sure you'd be good at it."
Soryu scoffed. "Little chance while I'm still stuck at that damn hotel. Oh well, NERV's paying the extra costs. Transition easement due to my redeployment, and that includes the daily meals at the cafeteria."
"Ah... that's... good... I suppose..." Shinji stuttered. He felt unsure what to say around Soryu.
Her eyes fixed him in place. Then she grabbed his arm. "Let's go talk somewhere more private, Third."
Shinji was positively shocked. He still manage to grab his lunch box before being dragged outside of the classroom. Touji hooted when he saw what was happening. Finally, Soryu stopped at a staircase.
"So, Shinji..." she began aggressively, but then looked away.
"Uh, yes?" he answered. It was still somewhat weird to be addressed by his personal name, but he did not really mind.
"It's just... what happened three days ago... uh... are you alright?" Soryu asked, suddenly changing her voice in the end.
"I'm fine," Shinji answered. "There were no injuries, and no signs of lasting mental contamination." He paused and looked down. "It's just...."
"Yeah?" Asuka asked, no, demanded to know again.
That made Shinji uncertain, but he could not just leave the topic dangling like that. So he eventually continued, barely above a whisper: "The memories. My mother. Her... not that you would understand..."
Soryu... growled in response. Shocked, Shinji looked up. Whereas 'annoyed' was the Second Child's normal state, now she wore a mask of outright anger.
"You don't get it, do you?" she spat. "None of you do. None of you understand."
And with that, she whirled around and left a confused Shinji behind.
Two days history class in a row should find a mention in the Geneva Conventions. That rambling is more effective than sleeping gas, but would surely fall under 'causing unnecessary harm'.
Asuka liked to stick with maths. Physics and chemistry, where she could use maths, were also all right, but there was something about pure maths... it was exactly its abstract nature that attracted her. It was pure in a way no other subject could be. The only subject where such things as pure platonic ideals truly existed. It was part of the world, but ordered and clear and abstract, unlike the everyday world.
Of course, it also helped that she already had a degree in that subject. And that it required only a minimum of kanji. She did not even need to study for math exams to routinely be at the class' top three. And the only reason why she was not constantly the best was once again that she would still sometimes not fully understand certain questions, due to the kanji involved.
It was just like how the world should ideally be: Easy challenges that she and only she was the best at mastering.
The angels so far had been like that as well. The overgrown trout that had attacked the U.N. Pacific Fleet had been no match for her, and the floating d8 had been safely decommissioned from afar. The first two angels since her deployment to Japan, killed by her. With the next angel, she would have surpassed the Third Child.
Unfortunately, the Evangelion pilots were another matter entirely. There was Rei, who... Asuka shook her head. Thinking about her invariably summoned images of her lying naked below Asuka. Also of her smile at Mt Futago, sometimes, but most of the time those memories were... embarrassing. And unfortunately, reoccurring all too often.
And then there was Shinji. Rei at least had determination and exotic aura. Shinji had... Well, he has information I want, and that's the problem. If he just weren't so goddamn impossible to speak to. Who does he think he is, telling me I wouldn't understand?
She glanced over to him. He actually seemed to pay attention to the teacher. Her eyes narrowed. That just isn't normal. She groaned inwardly. She would have to find another way to approach him today. A way that maybe did not make him talk like an idiot. Somehow.
She was still mulling on how to do that when the class ended. Lunch break. I should use that chance to... She looked up. To her utter surprise, Shinji stood at her table... and did not say anything.
"What do you want?" she asked aggressively.
"I... uh... well," Shinji stuttered.
Asuka was well aware that half the class was looking at the scene. Gottverdammte kleine Voyeure... "Do you have a point to make, Third?"
He held up a box. "It's... well, I'm sorry."
Asuka looked at the box. "Sorry?" He's apologizing yet again?
"For... for offending you yesterday," Shinji explained hastily. "So, I... I thought I had to make it up to you." He held the box out.
With a look of suspicion, Asuka took it and opened it. Her eyes widened when she found a whole array of food inside.
"Verdammt nocheinmal, Dritter..." Asuka muttered. What is he thinking, putting me on the spot like this? For all to see, too! It was not like she had never gotten niceties. Both Misato and Kaji had given her presents on her birthday and on Christmas, despite all the cultural differences with Japan concerning such events. But that someone would just prepare lunch for her, in order to be nice to her, in order to make something up to her... that did affect Asuka. And that in turn annoyed her.
She suddenly raised her head defiantly. "Very well. I'll see if the food is good enough." Shinji was about to turn around again when she added: "Next time, don't assume people won't understand. We..." Normally she would not have said so, but she still had a goal to pursue. "We need to talk about this again. Now that you've learned your lesson." She looked at the lunch box. "...once I'm finished with this."
She watched as Shinji retreated to his friends, who welcomed him with sounds of surprise and loud questions. Behind that scene, she could see Rei at her place... who seemed to watch those proceedings with an intense interest.
Yes, Rei has a friend. She's also developing quite a crush on that friend. Meanwhile, Asuka has a.... "strategical" interest in Shinji. Purely strategical, of course.
It did not matter, of course. Her purpose was not interaction with people. The Scenario did not call for it. But until her purpose would be fulfilled completely, she would have to live in this world, with all the people. On a primal, instinctive level, a level she never felt in any other context, she felt a connection to these people, a will to protect them. But in her everyday life she felt totally alienated from them. So it was nice to be able to rely on a frame of normalcy, like a regular schedule.
And it was nice that this schedule included Ikari. She could not quite say why, but that was in the end irrelevant as well. Her association with Ikari did not hinder the Scenario, and it helped her to endure the time until its completion. That was enough to know.
As for him... Before Mt Futago, Rei had never paid attention to when and why people smiled. It had always been simply something people did, a part of the outside world to which she had felt no connection, like so many parts of that world. But Pilot Soryu's forceful advice still stuck with her. If I should feel happy when something good comes my way, and smile to express that feeling... and that is what I did feel at Mt Futago... then that is true for other people as well. She had noted Soryu herself was smiling a lot, but usually in odd ways, in grins and smirks. Ikari smiled sometimes when he was with Suzuhara and Aida. It was... good that he did, though Rei could not say why, and thus she felt almost grateful to the two.
But Ikari always smiled when he approached her on his way back home.
They were small smiles, subdued smiles and faint smiles. They were one reason she usually just stood there, looking in the direction from where he would come. It was the most logical and efficient way to wait, but beyond that it also meant she would see him before he would see her – and that way she could see every time that smile appearing as soon as he noticed her.
So it also was now. Rei could see Shinji coming up that small hill, could see him looking up to meet her gaze, and could see the corners of his lip curling up.
And inside her, she felt warmth.
"Ikari," she greeted him as he had reached her. "Will you spend the day in the city again?"
He shook his head. "Misato and I have... come to an understanding. I don't know if it'll work, but... I don't think I could have endured more days of tensions at the place where I sleep. I'm just glad we did find a way out of that."
"Oh," Rei merely replied. That's good. It was good Ikari did not have to endure that tension anymore. It was good that the Operations Director and one of her pilots were on agreeable terms again. That was good for the Scenario.
Why, then, did she feel sad?
"It is good that you can return to your usual schedule," she commented.
Ikari looked at her strangely, a bit as if he had not understood what she had just said. "Yes... it's good." He paused, and then eventually began: "Say, Ayanami... you know my father pretty well... do you know..."
He stopped. Eventually, Rei asked: "Do I know what?"
"Does he ever talk about my mother?" Ikari asked.
Rei knew his mother. The Commander spoke of her often enough. "You'll take me to Yui." As such, Rei nodded.
"Does he... did he ever say how she died?" Ikari pushed on.
"It happened in an accident," Rei answered.
"An accident with my EVA?" Ikari asked. Rei nodded. "Then why... then why hasn't Father ever told me anything about it? What happened back then?"
"Yui Ikari was lost in the initial contact experiment with EVA-01," Rei answered. She felt like she was treading on unsteady ground. This fact was of great importance to Commander Ikari. She was... unsure how much she could tell.
"And now my father wants me to pilot that very same unit," Ikari whispered. "The same unit that killed my mother."
"There have been no such accidents with EVAs since 2005," Rei tried to reassure him.
Ikari shook his head. "Even so, my father should have told me. But he probably feared I would not have piloted EVA-01 if I had known."
"Would you have?" Rei asked.
"I don't think I could have said no after..." He looked down and blushed. "After feeling you shaking with pain." Again that feeling of warmth. "But that isn't the point! I... I just want to decide on my own whether I pilot. And if I say no, others should respect that. Instead, they all try to manipulate me into getting into that entry-plug."
"Only you and I can pilot EVA-01," Rei pointed out.
"I know! And I will pilot it," Ikari insisted. "If only to keep my promise. But it hurts when I do. People shouldn't just expect me to do it. It's easy for them to do so, they don't have the experiences that I..." He shook his head.
"You want to be praised for piloting EVA by people?" Rei asked.
"And why not?" Ikari defended himself. "After all, they're all saved because of me, aren't they?" Rei remained silent. That was correct, but it did not feel relevant to her. He eventually seemed to pick up on that: "You don't think so?"
"Only a limited number of people can pilot EVA," Rei argued. "Therefore they should."
"I never asked for that ability," Ikari argued back.
Two completely different sets of ethics, Rei realized. She had a read a bit of philosophy. We are talking past each others.
After a while, Ikari looked down. "I'm sorry if you think I'm being selfish. But I just..."
"No," Ayanami simply stated. Ikari looked up. "It is all right if you have a different opinion. You still pilot EVA. It would be presumptuous to also demand that you do it for a particular reason. It is alright for you to want praise."
Shinji smiled, first faintly, then ever broader. "Thank you, Ayanami."
She tilted her head. She did not understand his reaction. They had talked. She did not see how she had rendered any particular service to Ikari. Even so, she was glad he thought so.
He sighed. "I guess... I just don't want to be treated as a tool. Nobody should be."
Not me, either?
"So, Asuka, what do you think?"
The real estate broker looked politely ahead. She had not understood a word of the question. Kaji was speaking German for just that reason. It allowed the two to speak frankly. Unlike with Misato, one could barely even hear an accent.
"It'll do," Asuka answered in the same language. She sauntered over to Kaji. "It looks like we can make ourselves really comfortable here, don't you think? Our private little love nest."
Kaji just smirked. "You mean like back in Germany?"
That caused Asuka to grimace and turn away from him. The hint about Germany, where all her advances had been rebuffed, did not sit well with her. She looked around the apartment again. "It's a bit small, isn't it? Just like all the others. And isn't there at least a single apartment somewhere with proper doors?"
"Unlikely," Kaji told her. "Truth be told, I've come to rather enjoy European style doors in Germany. Perfect for keeping unwanted people out."
"Exactly!" Asuka exclaimed. "It seems the Japanese are not all that great at building homes." She winked at him. "Your qualities are... elsewhere, right?"
"But this apartment is very near to the inner city, and the price is reasonable," Kaji stated without missing a beat. "I don't think we'll find anything better."
Asuka raised her head defiantly. "Fine. If you say so."
While Kaji went over to the broker to speak about conditions and terms, Asuka walked over to the nearest window and looked outside. The prospect of finally moving out of that hotel room was nice, but she was just getting nowhere with Kaji, and that was frustrating. She knew her current and her former guardian had a thing once. Is he still fixated on her? That would be kinda lame. Bah, I'm sure Misato's tits will begin to sag soon. Especially with how much weight they have. I'll just have to wait. But for how long?
Finally, after some more polite small talk with the broker, Kaji and Asuka could leave her behind in the apartment.
"Only two more weeks in that hotel, Asuka," Kaji told her in Japanese as they went to the car. "Then you'll have a real home again."
Asuka suppressed a Took you long enough. By then she would have stayed in the hotel for over a month. And the housing market in Tokyo-3 did not seem to be all that tight, especially now that the first angels had attacked. Kaji had just been dragging his feet. But she could not say so to him. He had his problems, but he still was considerable better than any boy her age, after all.
"A home together with you again," she instead commented.
Kaji sighed. "Yes. A home together with me."
They got into his car. Finally there was the opportunity to ask the question that had been on her mind for two days already. Now she was with Kaji in an environment with no listeners. Even so, she switched back to German: "Du, Kaji... what do you know about EVA-01?"
Kaji glanced over to her. "What do you mean?"
"Were there any accidents in its creation or activation?" Asuka asked.
Kaji took a second to order his thoughts. "Not that I know of. The Unit is obviously still not completely stable; the sortie against the angel dubbed Sachiel showed that. But it seems they had come a long way from the Prototype. There were no berserk activities upon activation, nothing. At least, as far as the official records are concerned. Why?"
"Shinji told me there was an accident," Asuka told him. "In the original contact experiment. He told me his mother died in it."
"Yui Ikari? The Commander's wife?" Kaji asked back. "That's... interesting. I looked into the Commander's files upon departure to Japan. There is no cause of death listed for his wife. I understand that caused quite a flurry of rumours that he had killed her. That always seemed... highly unlikely to me." He paused. "But she was an expert in the field of metaphysical biology, and a member of the Artificial Evolution Laboratory. The predecessor of GEHIRN and hence, ultimately, NERV."
"So it could have happened?" Asuka asked.
Kaji seemed to ponder that. "You know what, Asuka? Let's go to that high-end supermarket on our way back. You know, the one conveniently located on the other side of the city. And in the meanwhile, you tell me what Shinji has told you."
His facial expression did not change as Asuka did tell him. It nearly never did. He was too self-disciplined for that. Unlike Shinji, whom one could read like a book.
When Kaji spoke again, he sounded dead-serious. "Listen to me, Asuka. Don't tell this to anyone else, understood? Not even Misato. She's part of NERV, after all. And it seems very clear NERV does not want this to become common knowledge. For whatever reason. You were prudent to bring this up here. I regularly check this car for bugs. It would be unwise to talk about this in less safe areas."
"So what should I do now?" Asuka asked. "What will you do?"
"This is important to you, isn't it?" Kaji asked back.
Asuka just glared at him. He knew why that was so. All her guardians and former guardians did. That had always been one of the worst aspects about how NERV had approached her legal status. Not only had she been forced to constantly get used to new people, people with authority over her, it was also that these same people would be told about her mother. It had felt like a constant invasion of her privacy.
"Well, then you should try to find out more," Kaji continued. "Try if you can get more out of Shinji. But – don't use interrogation tactics. They won't work. Just talk normally to him." He grinned. "That's an old maxim in the intelligence business: You can get more information out of a subject in a friendly talk than in a forceful interrogation."
"What do you mean?" Asuka asked.
"If you try to beat the truth out of someone, they'll just tell you what they think you want to hear," Kaji explained. "Not necessarily the truth." His voice suddenly became graver and more quiet. "Not that there aren't still plenty of brutal idiots who don't understand that. People who justify their sadism to themselves by delusions of making the necessary 'hard decisions'." He shook his head and caught himself again. "So, if you're confrontational with Shinji, he'll just think about what best to tell you so as to lose you again. Besides, those memories... they need to come to him again. Gradually, gently. That's best done by just talking about them."
"So that's what I should do?" Asuka could not believe that should be the strategy. "Talk to that idiot like I were his friend or something?"
"Well, he is your colleague, isn't he?" Kaji reminded her. "So you'll just talk to him as a fellow pilot. No big deal. Meanwhile, I'll see what else I can find out about Yui Ikari and Unit 01."
"He isn't exactly the easiest person to talk to," Asuka complained. "All sulks and silence."
Kaji smirked. "Then see that as your challenge. Think about how you can get such a person to talk to you in a friendly manner. Surely, even if you dislike the task, you should be up to it."
Shinji was standing in front of Misato's door, his school bag already on his shoulders, and hesitated.
It was 07:40. He would have to leave the apartment soon to reach school in time. However, Misato was still not up. Once again, it seemed like he would have to wake her. There had always been something comical about a guardian who needed to rely on her ward to assure that she made it to work on time.
...it was not so comical anymore.
The previous evening, she had been all laughter and good spirits, but even by her standards, which involved using every opportunity to sound cheerful, it had sounded hollow. Still, Shinji was glad she had been that way. It made returning things to normal easier on him – something that was already difficult for him as it was. That was also the reason he had not yet told Misato what he had seen inside EVA-00. He did not want to make things even more complicated.
But so far, it had always been her doing that work, the work of going back to where things were. Waking her now would mean him doing likewise. He was unsure if he should. Uncertain if it was appropriate. He wanted to return to normal, but secretly he still doubted he deserved that.
Finally, he turned around and walked out of the apartment.
On his way to school he cursed himself for his cowardice. Once again, he was running away. Just as he had from Ayanami after the incident at her apartment, or indeed Misato after their argument. He stuck his plugs into his ears and started the SDAT player. On the whole way to school, he looked down. It helped him not to think about the world.
He hardly paid any attention to class until history came up. That was not such a bad class, after all. Sure, the teacher had a tendency to ramble, but in a weird way, it was a topic that Shinji could actually connect to. English with all its tenses and verb forms confused him, and maths was nearly as much a foreign language to him, with all the symbols and rules and the lack of applicability in real life. Not that history was much better in that regard. And yet, it did have a use for him. When the teacher droned on about the pre-Second Impact world, Shinji could almost imagine being there.
A distant world, far away from all the pains he suffered in this one. It did not matter if the topic was on the 20th century, the 19th century, or the pre-industrial age. None of those ages had angels and Evangelions, AT-Fields or prog-knives. And, although Shinji felt almost guilty for thinking that way, those were times when his father had not even been born yet.
Touji of course thought this all a big waste of time, but then he was bored by every class that was not physical education. He seemed to have a certain knack for English, probably because it gave him one more way to blather on and on, but he just put no effort into it. And as for maths, the natural sciences or Japanese... Shinji wondered how Touji had even been able to survive before he had shown up and had become his main source of homework. Kensuke, on the other hand, was actually a fairly good student, just lazy as well, and he also had a certain interest in history... just not in what the teacher had to tell. He was interested in wars and the politics behind them, not how people back then actually lived.
So it was not surprising that Touji celebrated the end of history class, and the beginning of lunch break with a loud and annoyed: "Fiiiiinally!"
Shinji sighed and got his lunch package out of his bag. A shadow fell on him. When he looked up, he was surprised to see Soryu standing at his desk. A fiery appearance full of life, just a metre away from him. He usually stayed away from her, as she seemed constantly displeased with him... something he could not really hold against her. But the strength of her presence, her aura, was undeniable.
Before he could start stuttering stupid stuff, she demanded to know: "Where do you always get those meals, anyway? I know the height of Misato's cooking abilities is sticking stuff in the microwave. And then letting it get burned there."
Shinji had to grin at that. Soryu seemed to have a talent for very apt descriptions, especially when they involved his guardian. The grin died when he thought about how he had left Misato this morning. "I make them. It's the only way to avoid her... 'meals'."
"You do?" Soryu exclaimed. Shinji felt a little bit disappointed in how shocked she sounded. "You must be the only boy in Japan who... nevermind. Is that actually edible?"
"You want a piece?" Shinji offered. With a suspicious look, Soryu took a piece of tempura. It was maybe slightly inappropriate to use fingers, but Shinji had no extra pair of chopsticks with him, so that was okay. For a moment, her eyes widened, before she was back to her normal frown. "Well, I've had better, but it isn't bad for a Japanese boy." Shinji moved a hand to his face to cover a smile. Soryu was very obvious. "And it beats the cafeteria food here, but then that usually falls just short of poisoning the students."
"You could make your own lunch food," Shinji encouraged her. "I'm sure you'd be good at it."
Soryu scoffed. "Little chance while I'm still stuck at that damn hotel. Oh well, NERV's paying the extra costs. Transition easement due to my redeployment, and that includes the daily meals at the cafeteria."
"Ah... that's... good... I suppose..." Shinji stuttered. He felt unsure what to say around Soryu.
Her eyes fixed him in place. Then she grabbed his arm. "Let's go talk somewhere more private, Third."
Shinji was positively shocked. He still manage to grab his lunch box before being dragged outside of the classroom. Touji hooted when he saw what was happening. Finally, Soryu stopped at a staircase.
"So, Shinji..." she began aggressively, but then looked away.
"Uh, yes?" he answered. It was still somewhat weird to be addressed by his personal name, but he did not really mind.
"It's just... what happened three days ago... uh... are you alright?" Soryu asked, suddenly changing her voice in the end.
"I'm fine," Shinji answered. "There were no injuries, and no signs of lasting mental contamination." He paused and looked down. "It's just...."
"Yeah?" Asuka asked, no, demanded to know again.
That made Shinji uncertain, but he could not just leave the topic dangling like that. So he eventually continued, barely above a whisper: "The memories. My mother. Her... not that you would understand..."
Soryu... growled in response. Shocked, Shinji looked up. Whereas 'annoyed' was the Second Child's normal state, now she wore a mask of outright anger.
"You don't get it, do you?" she spat. "None of you do. None of you understand."
And with that, she whirled around and left a confused Shinji behind.
Two days history class in a row should find a mention in the Geneva Conventions. That rambling is more effective than sleeping gas, but would surely fall under 'causing unnecessary harm'.
Asuka liked to stick with maths. Physics and chemistry, where she could use maths, were also all right, but there was something about pure maths... it was exactly its abstract nature that attracted her. It was pure in a way no other subject could be. The only subject where such things as pure platonic ideals truly existed. It was part of the world, but ordered and clear and abstract, unlike the everyday world.
Of course, it also helped that she already had a degree in that subject. And that it required only a minimum of kanji. She did not even need to study for math exams to routinely be at the class' top three. And the only reason why she was not constantly the best was once again that she would still sometimes not fully understand certain questions, due to the kanji involved.
It was just like how the world should ideally be: Easy challenges that she and only she was the best at mastering.
The angels so far had been like that as well. The overgrown trout that had attacked the U.N. Pacific Fleet had been no match for her, and the floating d8 had been safely decommissioned from afar. The first two angels since her deployment to Japan, killed by her. With the next angel, she would have surpassed the Third Child.
Unfortunately, the Evangelion pilots were another matter entirely. There was Rei, who... Asuka shook her head. Thinking about her invariably summoned images of her lying naked below Asuka. Also of her smile at Mt Futago, sometimes, but most of the time those memories were... embarrassing. And unfortunately, reoccurring all too often.
And then there was Shinji. Rei at least had determination and exotic aura. Shinji had... Well, he has information I want, and that's the problem. If he just weren't so goddamn impossible to speak to. Who does he think he is, telling me I wouldn't understand?
She glanced over to him. He actually seemed to pay attention to the teacher. Her eyes narrowed. That just isn't normal. She groaned inwardly. She would have to find another way to approach him today. A way that maybe did not make him talk like an idiot. Somehow.
She was still mulling on how to do that when the class ended. Lunch break. I should use that chance to... She looked up. To her utter surprise, Shinji stood at her table... and did not say anything.
"What do you want?" she asked aggressively.
"I... uh... well," Shinji stuttered.
Asuka was well aware that half the class was looking at the scene. Gottverdammte kleine Voyeure... "Do you have a point to make, Third?"
He held up a box. "It's... well, I'm sorry."
Asuka looked at the box. "Sorry?" He's apologizing yet again?
"For... for offending you yesterday," Shinji explained hastily. "So, I... I thought I had to make it up to you." He held the box out.
With a look of suspicion, Asuka took it and opened it. Her eyes widened when she found a whole array of food inside.
"Verdammt nocheinmal, Dritter..." Asuka muttered. What is he thinking, putting me on the spot like this? For all to see, too! It was not like she had never gotten niceties. Both Misato and Kaji had given her presents on her birthday and on Christmas, despite all the cultural differences with Japan concerning such events. But that someone would just prepare lunch for her, in order to be nice to her, in order to make something up to her... that did affect Asuka. And that in turn annoyed her.
She suddenly raised her head defiantly. "Very well. I'll see if the food is good enough." Shinji was about to turn around again when she added: "Next time, don't assume people won't understand. We..." Normally she would not have said so, but she still had a goal to pursue. "We need to talk about this again. Now that you've learned your lesson." She looked at the lunch box. "...once I'm finished with this."
She watched as Shinji retreated to his friends, who welcomed him with sounds of surprise and loud questions. Behind that scene, she could see Rei at her place... who seemed to watch those proceedings with an intense interest.
Yes, Rei has a friend. She's also developing quite a crush on that friend.
Meanwhile, Asuka has a.... "strategical" interest in Shinji. Purely strategical, of course.
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Chapter 9 - Interests II
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Asuka presents this extra fast update in celebration of the German national holiday
Rei Ayanami found herself suddenly very concerned with Pilot Soryu.
She had witnessed the previous day how Shinji had given a lunch box to her. And that was something that had... worried her greatly. It was good for the Scenario if the two pilots could work together. But this was not just professional cooperation. This was personal bonding. And that... It was strange. Rei had read about the concept of jealousy. It was one of those things where she could intellectually absorb the information, but not associate it with anything happening in her life.
Until now. She realized what she was feeling was jealousy. It was a surprising feeling.
If I feel jealousy towards Pilot Soryu, does that mean I feel a romantic attachment towards Ikari?
…
Is that the warmth I'm feeling?
Romance was another topic that so far she had approached only intellectually, and even then only briefly. It had never held much interest to her. Of all the things happening in the world, that one seemed the most distant to her. But from what she had gleaned, it caused people to act irrationally. Romance was a threat to the Scenario.
...but surely, merely having those feelings would be all right.
But if that's all that I can have, why then am I jealous of Soryu?
She had never cared much for class gossip, but she knew that the Second Child was considered exceptionally attractive. And the way Ikari acted around her made it obvious he was thinking much the same. As for Rei herself, she disliked Soryu's loud and brash manner. It just seemed so unnecessary to her, disrupting silence and order and everything for no gain at all.
…and yet, at Mt Futago, seeing that liveliness had been invigorating. And Soryu had caused Rei to smile at Ikari.
Rei feared she might begin to think irrationally herself. That was not allowed to be. It was one thing if humans did that, but she was not a human being. She was a tool with human shape, with a fixed purpose.
She could have tried to approach that topic with Ikari after school, but for the first time in their conversations with each other, she had hesitated. They had ended up talking about irrelevancies from school. It was her fault that she was thinking irrationally; there was no need to burden Ikari with it.
Classes came and passed as she pondered those issues. It was not that she paid no attention to them. But she could generally understand enough of the subject matter by only half listening to the teacher. That usually proved sufficient. And even if not... it was not like it was actually important that she get a school education. Or any of the people in the class. One way or another, these were the final days of the current shape of Lilithian life.
Soon everything will return to its origin, and I will...
She looked up. It was lunch break. And Ikari was standing in front of her desk. He had put a box on it.
Without further prelude, he simply declared: "It... it just seemed fair I should give you a lunch box as well." He smiled awkwardly. "I never see you with one of your own, either. And, after all, by all right you should have been angry at me a dozen times over."
Hesitantly, unsure what to think, feel or say, Rei opened the box.
"I'm sorry," she finally whispered.
"Huh?" Ikari asked.
"I do not eat meat," she explained.
"Oh," Ikari made. "I'm sorry, then."
"What is that?" a voice from behind Ikari complained. "Have you become the class chef now?"
Suzuhara looked demonstratively annoyed.
Ikari turned around to him. "I... ah, I just thought... it's just... I try to be nice..."
Suzuhara made a sound that was half laugh, half scoff. "Yeah. Being nice. To the attractive red-haired foreign student, and to, well... Ayanami." Rei did not understand why he grinned the way he did when he mentioned her name. "Sure that's just being nice."
"Well, uh..." Ikari tried to articulate. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry. That looks pretty bad, doesn't it?"
Suzuhara shrugged. "Hey, that's none of my business. I just think men shouldn't cook. We gotta have some principles, after all!"
"And in what century do you live?" a loud voice asked across several rows of desk. Soryu, of course. She has been listening. "Will you next demonstrate how the constellations move around the Earth?"
"The... huh?" Suzuhara asked back. "Speak Japanese, Red Devil!" That name drew some snickering from onlookers.
"It's not my problem if you can't even understand your own mother tongue, buffoon!" Soryu shot back.
"Can you also write that word?" Suzuhara asked provocatively.
"Can you write in a way that would even be understood outside Japan?"
"Why should I even need to? We have everything anyone could need! Even you came..."
While everyone was paying attention to the two squabblers, Ikari silently went back to his desk and got something out of his bag. A thermos flask, as Rei could soon see.
"I just remembered I also made some miso soup," he told her. "Temperatures have been rather low the past days, after all. You could try that instead."
He opened the flask, and poured some soup into its cup, then gave it to her. She took the cup to her mouth.
Her eyes widened slightly.
"That... tastes good," she commented.
"I'm glad you like it," Ikari stated. "Take the flask then. I have two lunch boxes now, after all."
"Uh... thank you," Rei said. The warmth she felt was not just the soup, as she felt it spreading to her cheeks.
She took another sip, and another. Most of the time she only ate in order to sustain herself. The only exceptions were when the Commander took her out to dinner now and then. The food on those occasions, usually European, Italian or French, tasted very different to her normal meals, but that had never made a difference to her. For her, it had always been another form of sustenance. And so was this soup, which also tasted different... but now, that did matter to her.
When she looked up again, she saw Soryu facing Ikari half the way back to his desk.
"You still promised me some answers, Third," he told him.
"I know," Ikari answered. It sounded slightly aggravated.
No interrogation methods, Kaji said. Hah. Easy for him to say. Damn that Third Child. A number of words were flying around in Asuka's head. Daumenschrauben... Eiserne Jungfrauen... Stasi-Methoden... oder einfach ein Tritt in die Eier.
It was not like she had learned nothing from him the previous days. Okay, so he's a damn good cook. And friendly. And he apparently hasn't told his friends anything about our talks... if they can be called 'talks'. And allowing for how weak and wispy he was, he also did not have a half-bad figure. He still was that, though. But in any case, he still had not been able to tell her more about what had happened to his mother. Damn him!
She was getting a bit desperate. She did not know how much longer she could pretend to be friendly towards Shinji. Sooner or later she would snap at him, again, and that would be the end of her efforts. That was how it always ended, her driving people away, people abandoning her. And that would almost be a pity with the Third Child. She had to solve this problem, somehow, and hence she defaulted to her usual style: Full speed ahead. She would meet and ask Shinji again, after school. On his way home.
That was why she was now walking towards Misato's apartment. She was a bit dumbfounded to see the First Child some distance in front of her, walking in the same direction. Rei stopped at top of a small slope and then looked back, in the direction of the school. Asuka furrowed her brows. That was where she had intended to wait.
"What are you doing here?" she hence asked Rei.
"Waiting for Ikari," Rei answered.
That felt like a gut punch for Asuka. "But... waiting, that is... I wanted..." She began to shout. "Why do you want to wait for that dork?" Rei remained silent. Asuka positioned herself right in front of her. "Answer me! What do you want with Shinji?"
"Talk," Rei merely stated.
"Talking? To Shinji? Why?" Asuka demanded to know. Goddamn little freak is sabotaging my plans... It was difficult enough to do this, to wait for some boy like she were his friend, without such outside interference. Again, Rei remained silent. That further agitated Asuka. "You don't even seem capable of talking like a human being. Do you even understand what I just said?"
"I did," Rei confirmed.
"So, why do you want to talk with Shinji?" Asuka asked again.
"We usually do," Rei explained. "I wait here for that purpose every day we do not have synch-tests."
Gut punch number two. So he and Wondergirl... well, it was obvious. And yet... she had expected that Shinji would at least look at her, maybe develop an interest. It could be awkward to deal with that, since she had none, but she had expected it. She was beautiful, a college graduate and an EVA pilot, after all. And in this country, a rare and exotic redhead. People should fall for her. Instead, Shinji had chosen this lifeless little...
...an image of Rei smiling at her flashed through her memory...
"Verdammte Scheiße..." she muttered. She raised her head and declared: "Fine. Then talk with him."
She was about to storm off when Rei called out: "Soryu." Asuka balled her hands into fists, but she stopped, without looking back. "Why did you walk to here?"
"You're the genius topping most exams in school," Asuka replied. "What do you think?"
"You have approached Ikari a lot this week," Rei observed.
Asuka turned around. "And do you have a problem with that?" Rei's eyes widened slightly, then she looked down. It was a surprisingly emotional reaction from the girl, who was usually so stiff and cold. Asuka scoffed. "You can have him, then. I don't go for little boys."
At least that explains why he never showed interest. He probably was fixated on her as soon as he arrived. Men! All breast-fixated. Kaji over Misato's udders, and Rei… actually has kinda nice breasts…
Asuka was staring at Rei, challenging her to defy her. Instead, the girl remained quiet and looking down. Pitiable…
...it was, actually. Asuka did feel a pang of pity, of empathy.
She harrumphed. "You don't even know yourself, do you?"
"No," Rei answered softly. That took Asuka aback. She had meant to belittle Rei, not to… she did not know what to say now. Instead, Rei eventually looked up. "It is maybe for the best if you form a stable relationship with Ikari. I shall not impede this."
With that, she trotted away, entering the park.
Huh, that was… weird. What did she mean by that? I did not mean to drive her off… okay, that's wrong. I did. But now she was feeling weirdly guilty about that. Rei had looked like a beaten puppy.
Those thoughts left her head as she saw Shinji approaching her position. She had to prepare for what to tell him. This was a sort of intelligence gathering mission, after all.
Shinji looked increasingly confused as he went up the slope.
"Uh… hello, Soryu," he greeted her. "What are you doing here?"
Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "I decided returning to my hotel room would be boring. I'm getting rather sick of it."
"Huh. Makes sense," Shinji judged. "Ah… have you seen Ayanami here?"
"She just left," Asuka told him.
"That's odd," Shini opined. "Did she say anything?"
Asuka became annoyed. "Look. The great Asuka Langley-Soryu is willing to talk to you, and all you do is think about other girls? Are you stupid? That's just impolite."
"I… guess so," Shinji sort of agreed. "I'm sorry."
There was an awkward silence. Finally, Asuka prompted him: "Well then? Say something!"
"Ah… you wanted to talk to me!" Shinji protested. Asuka just crossed her arms. "Well, uh… there's a synch-test tomorrow. A regular one again."
"Not quite," Asuka disagreed. "Haven't you read the message? It will be an activation test. To see if we can still pilot our usual EVAs, after they messed it all up last Saturday. I swear, if they did something to my Unit…"
Shinji's lip curled up. "You'll… be displeased?"
"As will be demonstrated by a boot lodging itself firmly into Akagi's ass!" Asuka threatened. "Well, let's go, Third..."
"Achoo!"
"Bless you," Misato told Ritsuko. "Developing a cold?"
The faux-blonde shook her head. "No. No idea where that came from."
"You seem awfully calm considering what happened last time we stood in this room," Misato stated. "How the hell did they get the windows repaired so quickly, anyway?"
Ritsuko just shrugged. "After the first incident with EVA-00, we stockpiled security glass. We were going to retire it, you know. After all, it was merely the prototype. More proof-of-concept than anything else. Rei could have taken over EVA-01, and we would all have had a whole lot less trouble."
Misato sighed. "Shinji would probably agree with you there. But imagine if that's what had happened during the last battle. EVA-00 is still not combat worthy again after that beam hit it. If we had decommissioned it, that would have been EVA-01 instead, and we'd only have EVA-02 deployable right now. We need to have three units, for just such cases. Even if that means relying on the Prototype."
"Well, Commander Ikari agrees, so that's what we're doing," Ritsuko agreed. "I suppose constantly repairing windows is a small price to pay for having three units ready."
"For us, anyway," Misato stated quietly, thinking back to the dread she had felt when EVA-00 had gone berserk with Shinji inside. "It isn't us in those entry-plugs after all."
"Trouble with Shinji back at home?" Ritsuko asked. It sounded slightly teasing.
Misato shrugged. "It's solved now."
Ritsuko hummed and grabbed a notepad. "If you say so. But you have to admit, him spending a whole day in the city with Rei was... extraordinary."
Misato narrowed her eyes. "How do you know about that?"
"I do have access to Section 2 reports, you know," Ritsuko told her. "Being third in command and all that."
Misato sighed. "I'd rather not be reminded of that." She rubbed her eyes. "Look, we... argued. But we're back to normal. More or less."
"More or less?" Ritsuko prompted.
"Hey, he woke me up again today. That's normal!" Misato insisted. She grinned. "I even got him to take over laundry duty for today. I have the nagging feeling there'll be a whole lot of paperwork coming my way."
Ritsuko raised her eyebrow without looking up from her notepad. "So you use him as a domestic?"
"Hey, I traded in two future laundry duties for that. I'm playing fair!" Misato protested.
"I suppose if he puts up with that, things are indeed back to normal," Ritsuko judged, again with that teasing undertone. "So now he'll continue to be dragged down by his roommate."
Misato glared at her. "I could say the same about certain cats."
That got Ritsuko to actually grin, something that Misato counted as a success for her. The two did not fall often in their old game of verbal one-upmanship anymore, but when they did, Ritsuko always assumed the role of the cool, emotionless observer.
"So, what's the schedule for today, anyway?" Misato asked.
"Take a look out of the window and take a wild guess," Ritsuko prompted.
Outside the Pribnow Box, in the test cube, Unit-01 was being put in place.
"So Shinji is first," Misato concluded.
"Then Rei, then Asuka," Ritsuko added. "Ordered by decreasing risk, so if something goes wrong we can fix it right at the beginning." She made an annoyed grunt. "We should be doing such tests much more often, you know."
"As I remember, it was you Section 3 guys who needed all the time to have the EVAs rewritten 'safely' again," Misato pointed out.
Ritsuko sighed. "True. But the last synch-test before the cross-synch one was almost two weeks prior to that. We've become sloppy in our schedule."
"Ramiel crashed into our schedule," Misato argued. "A few days off from synch-tests after an angel attack shouldn't be too much to ask for."
"I understand that you want rest for your pilots," Ritsuko answered. "Taking care of such things is part of your job. But for my job, I need a constant stream of data to keep the EVAs properly calibrated. I don't think you have an inkling how difficult that can be. EVA technology is still far from mature. Really, if it weren't for the angels, they would never leave the lab and testing areas. Without constant maintenance, incidents like EVA-00 going berserk would happen far more often."
"Yes, yes, you've made your point," Misato conceded. "So I take it you'll ram up the synch-test schedule?"
"Considerably," Ritsuko confirmed. "The next test will be on Monday, and starting from there every second day."
Misato groaned. "Really, Ritsu? Asuka will be livid. And Shinji will be even more annoyed, he just won't show it..."
"Tough luck. That comes with being an EVA pilot," Ritsuko dismissed the complaint.
At her terminal, Lt Ibuki coughed politely. "Third Child is in the entry-plug. Inserting entry-plug now."
Misato walked up to her side to use the comm system. "Glad to be back in your own EVA, Shinji?"
His answer was curt and vague even by his own standards, barely more than an acknowledging grunt. Misato wondered what was going through his mind. She nodded towards Ibuki.
The Lieutenant started the process. "Initiating first level connection."
Ritsuko was now looking over her shoulder as well, with a deep frown on her face. "Those values are abysmal. He's doing worse than he did in EVA-00!" She sighed. "Let's hope it's just the unreliability of first connection readings. Increase the harmonics, Maya."
Ibuki nodded. "Ready for second level connection. All values are stable. Starting second level connection... now."
"That's... bad," Ritsuko whispered.
"What's the matter?" Misato asked.
Ritsuko waved towards Ibuki's screen. "Look at those values!" She could as well have told Misato to take a look at the Iliad in original Greek. "They aren't increasing." She looked at Ibuki. "Is he even..."
The Lieutenant shook her head. "Initiation of second stage connection has failed."
"Already at the second stage? Damn it!" Ritsuko cursed. She spoke into the comm system: "Shinji, how are you doing?"
"I, uh... well. I don't feel anything," Shinji reported. "Normally, around this time..."
"You'd get a mental feedback, yes," Ritsuko confirmed. "We can't get you connected to your EVA. Does anything feel off for you?"
"Off?" Shinji echoed. "Ah well, not as such... it's just... are those EVAs really safe?"
Misato and Ritsuko instinctively looked at each other. That was an odd question coming from the Third Child.
Silently, Ibuki pointed out something to Ritsuko: "Look at his psychograph, senpai. His ego-barrier..."
Ritsuko's eyes widened. Hastily she told Shinji: "Don't worry. EVA-01 is a very stable unit. It even saved you when you first saw it, didn't it?" She did not manage to make it sound very convincing. Misato knew her friend had some grave doubts about the Evangelions herself.
"What is going on?" Misato asked through clenched teeth.
Ibuki looked at Ritsuko, who nodded, and then explained: "Shinji's ego-barrier has always been problematic, to be honest. It's the psychological factor that defines the self via not being others, the psychological factor that separates people. Shinji's is usually very high, but can fluctuate widely in battle. By comparison, Asuka's ego-barrier values are constantly high, Rei's constantly low."
Misato raised an eyebrow. "I won't pretend to understand what this means, but go on."
"Well, now his ego-barrier value is very high," Ibuki continued. "My guess is he is separating himself from EVA-01. The A10 complex can't open up to the EVA."
Misato blinked. Ritsuko took over the explanation: "The A10 clips use the section of the brain that helps us be empathetic and communicate with other people. A kind of extrovert's section."
"One wouldn't think Shinji should be pilot material, then," Misato pointed out.
Ritsuko shook her head. "It isn't about connections to people in general, but connections to Evangelions. Or rather, the own unit; it is difficult enough for us to even only get that specific connection to build up. Whatever Shinji is with people, he usually easily opened up to EVA-01. Was in tune with it...which, really, is what the synch-rate signifies."
"And now he isn't," Misato concluded.
"What worries me is that this is already happening at the second connection," Ritsuko went on. "If the third connection had failed, we would have known it to be subconscious influences. But second connection... that's conscious thoughts."
"So Shinji is deliberately not synching?" Misato asked.
Ritsuko shook her head again. "No, then we already wouldn't have been able to initiate the first stage connection. But whatever it is that prevents him from synching, it is not something pushed to the darkest corners of his subconsciousness. It's something on his conscious mind. Face it, Misato, something is still bothering him."
Damn it. It was bad enough that this meant the connection to his EVA had failed. But what worried Misato on a deeper level was the implication of that. Maybe the rift between us still isn't closed. She sighed. One thing at a time. She had not become Operations Director of NERV by an inability to schedule tasks.
"I'll talk to him," she promised. "In the meantime... how quickly can you rewrite EVA-01?"
"So that Rei can pilot it? Matter of two hours, max," Ritsuko explained. "The real problem was rewriting EVA-02. The differences between EVA-01 programmed for Shinji and it programmed for Rei are minimal, anyway." She grinned and whispered, as if to herself: "Unsurprisingly..."
And what does she mean by that? Misato doubted she would come far with asking, though. Ever since Ritusko had become the head of Project E, her tendency to be all enigmatic and more-knowledgeable-than-thou had become insufferable at times.
"In that case... have its mental data written for Shinji during synch-tests," she asked her friend. "We'll just have to try again and again. But during standby, it should be written for Rei. As long as EVA-00 isn't repaired yet, we need to have EVA-01 deployable, regardless of who the pilot is."
Ritsuko sighed. "Misato, you have a knack for adding to the workload of others with completely reasonable arguments. I'm not looking forwards going through EVA-01's mental data every second day."
Misato grinned. "Tough luck. That comes with being head of Project E."
Shinji had failed again. Of this, he was sure.
However, for a change, he did not actually feel bad about it. Yes, he should have been able to synch with EVA-01. But maybe it was for the better if he could not. Maybe it would not be right, anyway, to use the machine that had killed his mother. Maybe this failure was all right.
He could pretty much guess what had caused this failure: Exactly those thoughts. He had been unable to clear his mind of his regained memories and of the persistant thought that his mother had died inside EVA-01. He had felt the usual warmth and comfort inside the entry-plug, and yet it had become a foreboding place.
After his failure, the schedule had been changed: Soryu had reactivated her EVA-02 without a problem, while Rei now came up last, and again in EVA-01. If an angel were to attack now, she would pilot the machine. That made him a little uneasy, as it meant Rei would be in harm's way only due to his failure, but then again, she was probably safer in EVA-01 than in the notoriously unreliable EVA-00.
That changed schedule meant that Shinji had had nothing to do for hours now. Misato was too busy observing the tests, Soryu was in EVA-02 and Ayanami was somehow also involved in the whole process, even before her tests had come up. So for hours, Shini had sat at a small table in a waiting room, a can from a vending machine in his hand. Having become useless inside an entry-plug, he had changed back into his school uniform. Now he brooded.
What will I do now?
He had not told Misato about his resurfaced memories the whole week. He did not want to make things even more complicated, and besides... he had told her he would pilot EVA. He could not step back from that mere days afterwards, no matter what was on his mind. However, now it seemed he could not even pilot EVA anymore. Was that a dilemma? Or a liberation?
...I don't want to think about this anymore.
He already had all week. And it did not help how much of an interest Soryu had shown in that topic during that time. It was not that he disliked talking to her. She had a delightfully irreverent and sarcastic streak. Maybe it was because she was a foreigner, but Shinji liked the blunt words she directed to those around her. Even when those were aimed at him. He did not mind that; he frequently did things deserving of scorn, after all. And she was so lively. And she was putting up with him even after he had, as always, screwed things up with her on Tuesday. Not without complaints, not without getting loud at him, but he did not mind that, either. Seeing Soryu in action, so full of energy... it was energizing him as well.
However, her increasingly single-minded obsession with his memories had become slightly annoying. And then what she had told him about NERV apparently keeping this all a secret, advising him to not say anything to Misato...
Why does she think about this to much? What's that topic to her, anyway?
It was not that he was holding anything back. He had told her what he knew; he just did not know more. It was not like...
...Soryu entered the waiting room. Still wearing her plugsuit, she positioned herself next to the table, directly next to him, looking at him.
"Jesses, Third, what is with you and always looking glum?" she asked as a greeting.
Shinji just shrugged. He had no real intention to tell her everything that was going through his mind right now. Instead he asked: "How was the test?"
"What do you think?" Soryu shot back. "Completely smooth sailing. EVA-02 is much more stable and advanced than the Japanese machines." She seemed to consider. "Though I suppose the scientists and engineers here did their best. For whatever that's worth. Like your mother..."
Shinji sighed. And here we go again. "I don't know for sure if she was among the development team."
"It makes sense, though, doesn't it?" Soryu pushed on.
Shinji shrugged again. "Yeah, of course."
Soryu looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Yes of course it makes sense! Otherwise I wouldn't say so, now would it?" She breathed out hard, as if in frustration.
"I really can't remember anything about my mother," Shinji told her. "Not even her face... and her voice only dimly, only that one sentence that has come back to me... I surely don't remember what job she might have had."
And why am I even telling her that much? He knew the answer, though: Because Soryu demanded it. Shinji could slid away into secure passivity with Misato, and he liked the safety of being around Ayanami. But around Soryu, he felt like he had to keep pace with her.
"Great, just great," Soryu muttered. "You're sure it isn't that you just haven't thought enough about it? Or are you just running away from the memories, because they're painful."
Shinji made a grimace, but remained quiet. Of course the memory was painful. And was that not what people, all people, did, running away from pain?
"I'm sorry, maybe it's different in Germany, but I can't just summon up memories on the spot," he told Soryu defiantly.
"I'm not asking you to, idiot!" Soryu shouted. "I'm just telling you to put up a little effort into it!"
At this point, Shinji hammered a fist against the table. Soryu stopped in surprise."Why?" he shouted back, without looking at her.
"What do you mean, why?" Soryu countered, making it once again sound like he was an idiot for asking that question.
"Why do you care?" Shinji specified loudly.
Soryu harrumphed. "So that's what I'm getting for showing a bit of interest in what has happened to you? No wonder nobody's willing to put up with you." Shinji formed both hands into fists. She doesn't have to put it that way... "If you do remember something, you know where to find me."
That seemed like it would end the conversation, but instead Soryu remained standing at her place. Shinji shook his head. "It took an Evangelion going berserk to uncover those memories. I doubt I'll remember more."
"Not with that attitude, idiot!" Soryu yelled at him. "Gottverdammt nocheinmal, don't be so defeatist!"
Abruptly, Shinji stood up, nearly toppling over his chair. Even so, he could not look directly at Soryu. Instead, his view was cast down, his body rigid, his hands fists. "Why do you care?"
Immediately, Soryu shouted back: "Because the same has happened to Mama!"
There was an awkward silence. Both teenagers just stood there, not changing positions, not speaking. Shinji's eyes were wide, while Asuka's face looked... She looks almost fearful.
"To... to your mother..." Shinji whispered.
"Yes," Soryu growled back. "After the initial contact experiment with EVA-02 she..." She emitted a furious, inarticulate sound. "I promise you, Third. If you tell this to anyone, you're dead. I mean that. I don't care what your EVA did against Sachiel, I can take you on with or without EVA. Say a word, and you're dead." She paused. "Don't tell anyone anything about the contact experiments, no matter which one."
The threat did not even register with Shinji. "...you also lost your mother..."
Still just looking ahead, he could not see if Soryu's expression changed. Calmly, but darkly she answered: "What is that to you?"
Now Shinji turned around to face Soryu. "I... I just thought..." He stopped. "Maybe it's presumptuous. After all, whatever happened to your mother, you became a college graduate at age fourteen, and the best EVA pilot in the world, while I... and besides, you still had your father..."
At that, Soryu just scoffed. "My father. Right. Let me tell you about my father. He shacked up with the doctor that was treating my mother, and married her before my mother was even buried. Then he just dumped me with NERV."
Shinji blinked. He blinked again. And yet again. The story sounded very familiar to him. Uncomfortably familiar.
"My father left me behind at a train station," he answered quietly. "That I still remember. I was... four. So it must have been only weeks or months after my mother died."
Again there was silence. It was ended when Soryu abruptly turned around on the spot. As she went she muttered: "Remember what I said about telling others."
Kaji is right: A man who cooks does get all the women
Rei Ayanami found herself suddenly very concerned with Pilot Soryu.
She had witnessed the previous day how Shinji had given a lunch box to her. And that was something that had... worried her greatly. It was good for the Scenario if the two pilots could work together. But this was not just professional cooperation. This was personal bonding. And that... It was strange. Rei had read about the concept of jealousy. It was one of those things where she could intellectually absorb the information, but not associate it with anything happening in her life.
Until now. She realized what she was feeling was jealousy. It was a surprising feeling.
If I feel jealousy towards Pilot Soryu, does that mean I feel a romantic attachment towards Ikari?
…
Is that the warmth I'm feeling?
Romance was another topic that so far she had approached only intellectually, and even then only briefly. It had never held much interest to her. Of all the things happening in the world, that one seemed the most distant to her. But from what she had gleaned, it caused people to act irrationally. Romance was a threat to the Scenario.
...but surely, merely having those feelings would be all right.
But if that's all that I can have, why then am I jealous of Soryu?
She had never cared much for class gossip, but she knew that the Second Child was considered exceptionally attractive. And the way Ikari acted around her made it obvious he was thinking much the same. As for Rei herself, she disliked Soryu's loud and brash manner. It just seemed so unnecessary to her, disrupting silence and order and everything for no gain at all.
…and yet, at Mt Futago, seeing that liveliness had been invigorating. And Soryu had caused Rei to smile at Ikari.
Rei feared she might begin to think irrationally herself. That was not allowed to be. It was one thing if humans did that, but she was not a human being. She was a tool with human shape, with a fixed purpose.
She could have tried to approach that topic with Ikari after school, but for the first time in their conversations with each other, she had hesitated. They had ended up talking about irrelevancies from school. It was her fault that she was thinking irrationally; there was no need to burden Ikari with it.
Classes came and passed as she pondered those issues. It was not that she paid no attention to them. But she could generally understand enough of the subject matter by only half listening to the teacher. That usually proved sufficient. And even if not... it was not like it was actually important that she get a school education. Or any of the people in the class. One way or another, these were the final days of the current shape of Lilithian life.
Soon everything will return to its origin, and I will...
She looked up. It was lunch break. And Ikari was standing in front of her desk. He had put a box on it.
Without further prelude, he simply declared: "It... it just seemed fair I should give you a lunch box as well." He smiled awkwardly. "I never see you with one of your own, either. And, after all, by all right you should have been angry at me a dozen times over."
Hesitantly, unsure what to think, feel or say, Rei opened the box.
"I'm sorry," she finally whispered.
"Huh?" Ikari asked.
"I do not eat meat," she explained.
"Oh," Ikari made. "I'm sorry, then."
"What is that?" a voice from behind Ikari complained. "Have you become the class chef now?"
Suzuhara looked demonstratively annoyed.
Ikari turned around to him. "I... ah, I just thought... it's just... I try to be nice..."
Suzuhara made a sound that was half laugh, half scoff. "Yeah. Being nice. To the attractive red-haired foreign student, and to, well... Ayanami." Rei did not understand why he grinned the way he did when he mentioned her name. "Sure that's just being nice."
"Well, uh..." Ikari tried to articulate. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry. That looks pretty bad, doesn't it?"
Suzuhara shrugged. "Hey, that's none of my business. I just think men shouldn't cook. We gotta have some principles, after all!"
"And in what century do you live?" a loud voice asked across several rows of desk. Soryu, of course. She has been listening. "Will you next demonstrate how the constellations move around the Earth?"
"The... huh?" Suzuhara asked back. "Speak Japanese, Red Devil!" That name drew some snickering from onlookers.
"It's not my problem if you can't even understand your own mother tongue, buffoon!" Soryu shot back.
"Can you also write that word?" Suzuhara asked provocatively.
"Can you write in a way that would even be understood outside Japan?"
"Why should I even need to? We have everything anyone could need! Even you came..."
While everyone was paying attention to the two squabblers, Ikari silently went back to his desk and got something out of his bag. A thermos flask, as Rei could soon see.
"I just remembered I also made some miso soup," he told her. "Temperatures have been rather low the past days, after all. You could try that instead."
He opened the flask, and poured some soup into its cup, then gave it to her. She took the cup to her mouth.
Her eyes widened slightly.
"That... tastes good," she commented.
"I'm glad you like it," Ikari stated. "Take the flask then. I have two lunch boxes now, after all."
"Uh... thank you," Rei said. The warmth she felt was not just the soup, as she felt it spreading to her cheeks.
She took another sip, and another. Most of the time she only ate in order to sustain herself. The only exceptions were when the Commander took her out to dinner now and then. The food on those occasions, usually European, Italian or French, tasted very different to her normal meals, but that had never made a difference to her. For her, it had always been another form of sustenance. And so was this soup, which also tasted different... but now, that did matter to her.
When she looked up again, she saw Soryu facing Ikari half the way back to his desk.
"You still promised me some answers, Third," he told him.
"I know," Ikari answered. It sounded slightly aggravated.
No interrogation methods, Kaji said. Hah. Easy for him to say. Damn that Third Child. A number of words were flying around in Asuka's head. Daumenschrauben... Eiserne Jungfrauen... Stasi-Methoden... oder einfach ein Tritt in die Eier.
It was not like she had learned nothing from him the previous days. Okay, so he's a damn good cook. And friendly. And he apparently hasn't told his friends anything about our talks... if they can be called 'talks'. And allowing for how weak and wispy he was, he also did not have a half-bad figure. He still was that, though. But in any case, he still had not been able to tell her more about what had happened to his mother. Damn him!
She was getting a bit desperate. She did not know how much longer she could pretend to be friendly towards Shinji. Sooner or later she would snap at him, again, and that would be the end of her efforts. That was how it always ended, her driving people away, people abandoning her. And that would almost be a pity with the Third Child. She had to solve this problem, somehow, and hence she defaulted to her usual style: Full speed ahead. She would meet and ask Shinji again, after school. On his way home.
That was why she was now walking towards Misato's apartment. She was a bit dumbfounded to see the First Child some distance in front of her, walking in the same direction. Rei stopped at top of a small slope and then looked back, in the direction of the school. Asuka furrowed her brows. That was where she had intended to wait.
"What are you doing here?" she hence asked Rei.
"Waiting for Ikari," Rei answered.
That felt like a gut punch for Asuka. "But... waiting, that is... I wanted..." She began to shout. "Why do you want to wait for that dork?" Rei remained silent. Asuka positioned herself right in front of her. "Answer me! What do you want with Shinji?"
"Talk," Rei merely stated.
"Talking? To Shinji? Why?" Asuka demanded to know. Goddamn little freak is sabotaging my plans... It was difficult enough to do this, to wait for some boy like she were his friend, without such outside interference. Again, Rei remained silent. That further agitated Asuka. "You don't even seem capable of talking like a human being. Do you even understand what I just said?"
"I did," Rei confirmed.
"So, why do you want to talk with Shinji?" Asuka asked again.
"We usually do," Rei explained. "I wait here for that purpose every day we do not have synch-tests."
Gut punch number two. So he and Wondergirl... well, it was obvious. And yet... she had expected that Shinji would at least look at her, maybe develop an interest. It could be awkward to deal with that, since she had none, but she had expected it. She was beautiful, a college graduate and an EVA pilot, after all. And in this country, a rare and exotic redhead. People should fall for her. Instead, Shinji had chosen this lifeless little...
...an image of Rei smiling at her flashed through her memory...
"Verdammte Scheiße..." she muttered. She raised her head and declared: "Fine. Then talk with him."
She was about to storm off when Rei called out: "Soryu." Asuka balled her hands into fists, but she stopped, without looking back. "Why did you walk to here?"
"You're the genius topping most exams in school," Asuka replied. "What do you think?"
"You have approached Ikari a lot this week," Rei observed.
Asuka turned around. "And do you have a problem with that?" Rei's eyes widened slightly, then she looked down. It was a surprisingly emotional reaction from the girl, who was usually so stiff and cold. Asuka scoffed. "You can have him, then. I don't go for little boys."
At least that explains why he never showed interest. He probably was fixated on her as soon as he arrived. Men! All breast-fixated. Kaji over Misato's udders, and Rei… actually has kinda nice breasts…
Asuka was staring at Rei, challenging her to defy her. Instead, the girl remained quiet and looking down. Pitiable…
...it was, actually. Asuka did feel a pang of pity, of empathy.
She harrumphed. "You don't even know yourself, do you?"
"No," Rei answered softly. That took Asuka aback. She had meant to belittle Rei, not to… she did not know what to say now. Instead, Rei eventually looked up. "It is maybe for the best if you form a stable relationship with Ikari. I shall not impede this."
With that, she trotted away, entering the park.
Huh, that was… weird. What did she mean by that? I did not mean to drive her off… okay, that's wrong. I did. But now she was feeling weirdly guilty about that. Rei had looked like a beaten puppy.
Those thoughts left her head as she saw Shinji approaching her position. She had to prepare for what to tell him. This was a sort of intelligence gathering mission, after all.
Shinji looked increasingly confused as he went up the slope.
"Uh… hello, Soryu," he greeted her. "What are you doing here?"
Asuka shrugged her shoulders. "I decided returning to my hotel room would be boring. I'm getting rather sick of it."
"Huh. Makes sense," Shinji judged. "Ah… have you seen Ayanami here?"
"She just left," Asuka told him.
"That's odd," Shini opined. "Did she say anything?"
Asuka became annoyed. "Look. The great Asuka Langley-Soryu is willing to talk to you, and all you do is think about other girls? Are you stupid? That's just impolite."
"I… guess so," Shinji sort of agreed. "I'm sorry."
There was an awkward silence. Finally, Asuka prompted him: "Well then? Say something!"
"Ah… you wanted to talk to me!" Shinji protested. Asuka just crossed her arms. "Well, uh… there's a synch-test tomorrow. A regular one again."
"Not quite," Asuka disagreed. "Haven't you read the message? It will be an activation test. To see if we can still pilot our usual EVAs, after they messed it all up last Saturday. I swear, if they did something to my Unit…"
Shinji's lip curled up. "You'll… be displeased?"
"As will be demonstrated by a boot lodging itself firmly into Akagi's ass!" Asuka threatened. "Well, let's go, Third..."
"Achoo!"
"Bless you," Misato told Ritsuko. "Developing a cold?"
The faux-blonde shook her head. "No. No idea where that came from."
"You seem awfully calm considering what happened last time we stood in this room," Misato stated. "How the hell did they get the windows repaired so quickly, anyway?"
Ritsuko just shrugged. "After the first incident with EVA-00, we stockpiled security glass. We were going to retire it, you know. After all, it was merely the prototype. More proof-of-concept than anything else. Rei could have taken over EVA-01, and we would all have had a whole lot less trouble."
Misato sighed. "Shinji would probably agree with you there. But imagine if that's what had happened during the last battle. EVA-00 is still not combat worthy again after that beam hit it. If we had decommissioned it, that would have been EVA-01 instead, and we'd only have EVA-02 deployable right now. We need to have three units, for just such cases. Even if that means relying on the Prototype."
"Well, Commander Ikari agrees, so that's what we're doing," Ritsuko agreed. "I suppose constantly repairing windows is a small price to pay for having three units ready."
"For us, anyway," Misato stated quietly, thinking back to the dread she had felt when EVA-00 had gone berserk with Shinji inside. "It isn't us in those entry-plugs after all."
"Trouble with Shinji back at home?" Ritsuko asked. It sounded slightly teasing.
Misato shrugged. "It's solved now."
Ritsuko hummed and grabbed a notepad. "If you say so. But you have to admit, him spending a whole day in the city with Rei was... extraordinary."
Misato narrowed her eyes. "How do you know about that?"
"I do have access to Section 2 reports, you know," Ritsuko told her. "Being third in command and all that."
Misato sighed. "I'd rather not be reminded of that." She rubbed her eyes. "Look, we... argued. But we're back to normal. More or less."
"More or less?" Ritsuko prompted.
"Hey, he woke me up again today. That's normal!" Misato insisted. She grinned. "I even got him to take over laundry duty for today. I have the nagging feeling there'll be a whole lot of paperwork coming my way."
Ritsuko raised her eyebrow without looking up from her notepad. "So you use him as a domestic?"
"Hey, I traded in two future laundry duties for that. I'm playing fair!" Misato protested.
"I suppose if he puts up with that, things are indeed back to normal," Ritsuko judged, again with that teasing undertone. "So now he'll continue to be dragged down by his roommate."
Misato glared at her. "I could say the same about certain cats."
That got Ritsuko to actually grin, something that Misato counted as a success for her. The two did not fall often in their old game of verbal one-upmanship anymore, but when they did, Ritsuko always assumed the role of the cool, emotionless observer.
"So, what's the schedule for today, anyway?" Misato asked.
"Take a look out of the window and take a wild guess," Ritsuko prompted.
Outside the Pribnow Box, in the test cube, Unit-01 was being put in place.
"So Shinji is first," Misato concluded.
"Then Rei, then Asuka," Ritsuko added. "Ordered by decreasing risk, so if something goes wrong we can fix it right at the beginning." She made an annoyed grunt. "We should be doing such tests much more often, you know."
"As I remember, it was you Section 3 guys who needed all the time to have the EVAs rewritten 'safely' again," Misato pointed out.
Ritsuko sighed. "True. But the last synch-test before the cross-synch one was almost two weeks prior to that. We've become sloppy in our schedule."
"Ramiel crashed into our schedule," Misato argued. "A few days off from synch-tests after an angel attack shouldn't be too much to ask for."
"I understand that you want rest for your pilots," Ritsuko answered. "Taking care of such things is part of your job. But for my job, I need a constant stream of data to keep the EVAs properly calibrated. I don't think you have an inkling how difficult that can be. EVA technology is still far from mature. Really, if it weren't for the angels, they would never leave the lab and testing areas. Without constant maintenance, incidents like EVA-00 going berserk would happen far more often."
"Yes, yes, you've made your point," Misato conceded. "So I take it you'll ram up the synch-test schedule?"
"Considerably," Ritsuko confirmed. "The next test will be on Monday, and starting from there every second day."
Misato groaned. "Really, Ritsu? Asuka will be livid. And Shinji will be even more annoyed, he just won't show it..."
"Tough luck. That comes with being an EVA pilot," Ritsuko dismissed the complaint.
At her terminal, Lt Ibuki coughed politely. "Third Child is in the entry-plug. Inserting entry-plug now."
Misato walked up to her side to use the comm system. "Glad to be back in your own EVA, Shinji?"
His answer was curt and vague even by his own standards, barely more than an acknowledging grunt. Misato wondered what was going through his mind. She nodded towards Ibuki.
The Lieutenant started the process. "Initiating first level connection."
Ritsuko was now looking over her shoulder as well, with a deep frown on her face. "Those values are abysmal. He's doing worse than he did in EVA-00!" She sighed. "Let's hope it's just the unreliability of first connection readings. Increase the harmonics, Maya."
Ibuki nodded. "Ready for second level connection. All values are stable. Starting second level connection... now."
"That's... bad," Ritsuko whispered.
"What's the matter?" Misato asked.
Ritsuko waved towards Ibuki's screen. "Look at those values!" She could as well have told Misato to take a look at the Iliad in original Greek. "They aren't increasing." She looked at Ibuki. "Is he even..."
The Lieutenant shook her head. "Initiation of second stage connection has failed."
"Already at the second stage? Damn it!" Ritsuko cursed. She spoke into the comm system: "Shinji, how are you doing?"
"I, uh... well. I don't feel anything," Shinji reported. "Normally, around this time..."
"You'd get a mental feedback, yes," Ritsuko confirmed. "We can't get you connected to your EVA. Does anything feel off for you?"
"Off?" Shinji echoed. "Ah well, not as such... it's just... are those EVAs really safe?"
Misato and Ritsuko instinctively looked at each other. That was an odd question coming from the Third Child.
Silently, Ibuki pointed out something to Ritsuko: "Look at his psychograph, senpai. His ego-barrier..."
Ritsuko's eyes widened. Hastily she told Shinji: "Don't worry. EVA-01 is a very stable unit. It even saved you when you first saw it, didn't it?" She did not manage to make it sound very convincing. Misato knew her friend had some grave doubts about the Evangelions herself.
"What is going on?" Misato asked through clenched teeth.
Ibuki looked at Ritsuko, who nodded, and then explained: "Shinji's ego-barrier has always been problematic, to be honest. It's the psychological factor that defines the self via not being others, the psychological factor that separates people. Shinji's is usually very high, but can fluctuate widely in battle. By comparison, Asuka's ego-barrier values are constantly high, Rei's constantly low."
Misato raised an eyebrow. "I won't pretend to understand what this means, but go on."
"Well, now his ego-barrier value is very high," Ibuki continued. "My guess is he is separating himself from EVA-01. The A10 complex can't open up to the EVA."
Misato blinked. Ritsuko took over the explanation: "The A10 clips use the section of the brain that helps us be empathetic and communicate with other people. A kind of extrovert's section."
"One wouldn't think Shinji should be pilot material, then," Misato pointed out.
Ritsuko shook her head. "It isn't about connections to people in general, but connections to Evangelions. Or rather, the own unit; it is difficult enough for us to even only get that specific connection to build up. Whatever Shinji is with people, he usually easily opened up to EVA-01. Was in tune with it...which, really, is what the synch-rate signifies."
"And now he isn't," Misato concluded.
"What worries me is that this is already happening at the second connection," Ritsuko went on. "If the third connection had failed, we would have known it to be subconscious influences. But second connection... that's conscious thoughts."
"So Shinji is deliberately not synching?" Misato asked.
Ritsuko shook her head again. "No, then we already wouldn't have been able to initiate the first stage connection. But whatever it is that prevents him from synching, it is not something pushed to the darkest corners of his subconsciousness. It's something on his conscious mind. Face it, Misato, something is still bothering him."
Damn it. It was bad enough that this meant the connection to his EVA had failed. But what worried Misato on a deeper level was the implication of that. Maybe the rift between us still isn't closed. She sighed. One thing at a time. She had not become Operations Director of NERV by an inability to schedule tasks.
"I'll talk to him," she promised. "In the meantime... how quickly can you rewrite EVA-01?"
"So that Rei can pilot it? Matter of two hours, max," Ritsuko explained. "The real problem was rewriting EVA-02. The differences between EVA-01 programmed for Shinji and it programmed for Rei are minimal, anyway." She grinned and whispered, as if to herself: "Unsurprisingly..."
And what does she mean by that? Misato doubted she would come far with asking, though. Ever since Ritusko had become the head of Project E, her tendency to be all enigmatic and more-knowledgeable-than-thou had become insufferable at times.
"In that case... have its mental data written for Shinji during synch-tests," she asked her friend. "We'll just have to try again and again. But during standby, it should be written for Rei. As long as EVA-00 isn't repaired yet, we need to have EVA-01 deployable, regardless of who the pilot is."
Ritsuko sighed. "Misato, you have a knack for adding to the workload of others with completely reasonable arguments. I'm not looking forwards going through EVA-01's mental data every second day."
Misato grinned. "Tough luck. That comes with being head of Project E."
Shinji had failed again. Of this, he was sure.
However, for a change, he did not actually feel bad about it. Yes, he should have been able to synch with EVA-01. But maybe it was for the better if he could not. Maybe it would not be right, anyway, to use the machine that had killed his mother. Maybe this failure was all right.
He could pretty much guess what had caused this failure: Exactly those thoughts. He had been unable to clear his mind of his regained memories and of the persistant thought that his mother had died inside EVA-01. He had felt the usual warmth and comfort inside the entry-plug, and yet it had become a foreboding place.
After his failure, the schedule had been changed: Soryu had reactivated her EVA-02 without a problem, while Rei now came up last, and again in EVA-01. If an angel were to attack now, she would pilot the machine. That made him a little uneasy, as it meant Rei would be in harm's way only due to his failure, but then again, she was probably safer in EVA-01 than in the notoriously unreliable EVA-00.
That changed schedule meant that Shinji had had nothing to do for hours now. Misato was too busy observing the tests, Soryu was in EVA-02 and Ayanami was somehow also involved in the whole process, even before her tests had come up. So for hours, Shini had sat at a small table in a waiting room, a can from a vending machine in his hand. Having become useless inside an entry-plug, he had changed back into his school uniform. Now he brooded.
What will I do now?
He had not told Misato about his resurfaced memories the whole week. He did not want to make things even more complicated, and besides... he had told her he would pilot EVA. He could not step back from that mere days afterwards, no matter what was on his mind. However, now it seemed he could not even pilot EVA anymore. Was that a dilemma? Or a liberation?
...I don't want to think about this anymore.
He already had all week. And it did not help how much of an interest Soryu had shown in that topic during that time. It was not that he disliked talking to her. She had a delightfully irreverent and sarcastic streak. Maybe it was because she was a foreigner, but Shinji liked the blunt words she directed to those around her. Even when those were aimed at him. He did not mind that; he frequently did things deserving of scorn, after all. And she was so lively. And she was putting up with him even after he had, as always, screwed things up with her on Tuesday. Not without complaints, not without getting loud at him, but he did not mind that, either. Seeing Soryu in action, so full of energy... it was energizing him as well.
However, her increasingly single-minded obsession with his memories had become slightly annoying. And then what she had told him about NERV apparently keeping this all a secret, advising him to not say anything to Misato...
Why does she think about this to much? What's that topic to her, anyway?
It was not that he was holding anything back. He had told her what he knew; he just did not know more. It was not like...
...Soryu entered the waiting room. Still wearing her plugsuit, she positioned herself next to the table, directly next to him, looking at him.
"Jesses, Third, what is with you and always looking glum?" she asked as a greeting.
Shinji just shrugged. He had no real intention to tell her everything that was going through his mind right now. Instead he asked: "How was the test?"
"What do you think?" Soryu shot back. "Completely smooth sailing. EVA-02 is much more stable and advanced than the Japanese machines." She seemed to consider. "Though I suppose the scientists and engineers here did their best. For whatever that's worth. Like your mother..."
Shinji sighed. And here we go again. "I don't know for sure if she was among the development team."
"It makes sense, though, doesn't it?" Soryu pushed on.
Shinji shrugged again. "Yeah, of course."
Soryu looked at him with narrowed eyes. "Yes of course it makes sense! Otherwise I wouldn't say so, now would it?" She breathed out hard, as if in frustration.
"I really can't remember anything about my mother," Shinji told her. "Not even her face... and her voice only dimly, only that one sentence that has come back to me... I surely don't remember what job she might have had."
And why am I even telling her that much? He knew the answer, though: Because Soryu demanded it. Shinji could slid away into secure passivity with Misato, and he liked the safety of being around Ayanami. But around Soryu, he felt like he had to keep pace with her.
"Great, just great," Soryu muttered. "You're sure it isn't that you just haven't thought enough about it? Or are you just running away from the memories, because they're painful."
Shinji made a grimace, but remained quiet. Of course the memory was painful. And was that not what people, all people, did, running away from pain?
"I'm sorry, maybe it's different in Germany, but I can't just summon up memories on the spot," he told Soryu defiantly.
"I'm not asking you to, idiot!" Soryu shouted. "I'm just telling you to put up a little effort into it!"
At this point, Shinji hammered a fist against the table. Soryu stopped in surprise."Why?" he shouted back, without looking at her.
"What do you mean, why?" Soryu countered, making it once again sound like he was an idiot for asking that question.
"Why do you care?" Shinji specified loudly.
Soryu harrumphed. "So that's what I'm getting for showing a bit of interest in what has happened to you? No wonder nobody's willing to put up with you." Shinji formed both hands into fists. She doesn't have to put it that way... "If you do remember something, you know where to find me."
That seemed like it would end the conversation, but instead Soryu remained standing at her place. Shinji shook his head. "It took an Evangelion going berserk to uncover those memories. I doubt I'll remember more."
"Not with that attitude, idiot!" Soryu yelled at him. "Gottverdammt nocheinmal, don't be so defeatist!"
Abruptly, Shinji stood up, nearly toppling over his chair. Even so, he could not look directly at Soryu. Instead, his view was cast down, his body rigid, his hands fists. "Why do you care?"
Immediately, Soryu shouted back: "Because the same has happened to Mama!"
There was an awkward silence. Both teenagers just stood there, not changing positions, not speaking. Shinji's eyes were wide, while Asuka's face looked... She looks almost fearful.
"To... to your mother..." Shinji whispered.
"Yes," Soryu growled back. "After the initial contact experiment with EVA-02 she..." She emitted a furious, inarticulate sound. "I promise you, Third. If you tell this to anyone, you're dead. I mean that. I don't care what your EVA did against Sachiel, I can take you on with or without EVA. Say a word, and you're dead." She paused. "Don't tell anyone anything about the contact experiments, no matter which one."
The threat did not even register with Shinji. "...you also lost your mother..."
Still just looking ahead, he could not see if Soryu's expression changed. Calmly, but darkly she answered: "What is that to you?"
Now Shinji turned around to face Soryu. "I... I just thought..." He stopped. "Maybe it's presumptuous. After all, whatever happened to your mother, you became a college graduate at age fourteen, and the best EVA pilot in the world, while I... and besides, you still had your father..."
At that, Soryu just scoffed. "My father. Right. Let me tell you about my father. He shacked up with the doctor that was treating my mother, and married her before my mother was even buried. Then he just dumped me with NERV."
Shinji blinked. He blinked again. And yet again. The story sounded very familiar to him. Uncomfortably familiar.
"My father left me behind at a train station," he answered quietly. "That I still remember. I was... four. So it must have been only weeks or months after my mother died."
Again there was silence. It was ended when Soryu abruptly turned around on the spot. As she went she muttered: "Remember what I said about telling others."
Kaji is right: A man who cooks does get all the women
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Chapter 10 - Shizuoka
- Location
- Volksstaat Hessen, Deutsches Reich
Rei figured that she should go to bed as soon as she arrived home. She was tired, so even if she went to bed earlier today, she would probably wake up at the same time tomorrow.
Dr Akagi had sent her through her usual battery of medical tests, as always only ever looking at the results, never sparing a glance, let alone small-talk, for Rei. Not that Rei minded or would even know it any other way. She had been there so that her fitness could be tested; as it was, she was functional for all her purposes, and that was everything that mattered. Given her origins, her biology was delicate; and her metaphysical biology was even worse. Her soul was just not made for her body; that body had hence to be constantly recalibrated.
If her body maintenance were to be left to her AT Field alone, the results could be potentially quite bad. By now, Rei did not even consciously consider that fact anymore. It was a normal part of her life, such as it was.
She walked up the litter-filled stairs of her apartment bloc. In the background, the demolition work was going on even at this late hour, but its noises did not even register with Rei anymore, nor did all the trash around her.
She did stop mid-movement in surprise when she saw a man leaning casually against the wall next to her door, though. He was wearing casual clothing, and looked into the setting sun with a grin on his unshaven face. Rei recognized him as the man who had come with Pilot Soryu. Her guardian. She did not know why he was here, and what she could say to him, so she said nothing. She simply walked around him and opened her door.
"You really should get a lock, you know," the man commented.
Rei stopped for a moment, but then continued walking in. So far, having no lock had not caused her any problems, and Soryu's guardian was not in a position of authority over her.
"May I come in, Rei?" he asked her back before she could turn around and close the door.
She would have no inherent problem with that. If he had a reason to come in, she would not have minded. But he had asked her and she saw no reason for that. So she simply began to wordlessly close the door.
He pushed against it from the other side. She looked through the opened gap and saw him holding up a laminated ID card.
He sighed. "I did not want to go this route, but alright. Ryoji Kaji, UN Inspector to NERV. I am to supervise your actions regarding the angels. So I want to talk with the pilots."
Wordlessly, Rei stepped aside and opened the door. It apepared that man, Inspector Kaji, did have authority. It did not even occur to her to check the card.
"Thank you," Kaji told her as he stepped in. He looked around, but did not say anything. The smirk was back on his face.
He furrowed his brows as he walked into her sleeping room. "Has this apartment been assigned to you by NERV?"
Rei nodded.
Kaji's smile... shifted, but Rei could not say how. "You really should at least get a lock, you know. Not that many people still come out here, but I bet police reaction times for the area are terrible."
Rei was not terribly concerned about this. She had not seen a single neighbour in months; the apartment bloc was nearly entirely empty. There simply were no people here who could commit crimes against her. If something were to be stolen, NERV could replace it. And if people attempted violence against her... Rei had means to prevent lasting damage. And minor injuries were inconsequential.
"So, Rei, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?" Kaji prompted her. "Where you're from, for example?"
"I am Commander Ikari's ward," Rei answered truthfully.
"Do you know when he became your guardian?" Kaji asked.
Rei nodded. She did know that.
Kaji sighed. "When did he become your guardian?"
"As soon as I left the hospital," Rei answered. Also technically true.
"So you've never known any other caretaker than him?" Kaji inquired further.
Rei nodded. Then she considered. "Dr Akagi has also been very involved in my upbringing."
Kaji raised an eyebrow. "Ritsuko, is that so? Hmm. Very well. When did you enter the Evangelion program"
"Two years ago," Rei answered. Of course she had always known that she was slated for it, and she had done simulator training for years before that. "I was called in to do reactivation tests with EVA-00, to clear up questions regarding EVA deployment."
Kaji nodded. "That's the scientific aspect. But it was also planned to have you be part of the military aspect from the beginning, wasn't it?"
"I was supposed to be EVA-01's designated pilot," Rei reported. "The plan was modified by the introduction of Shinji Ikari as Third Child. EVA-00 has been re-equipped as a battle-worthy Evangelion, and I am now its designated pilot."
Kaji hesitated. "Have you ever considered leaving the program?" Rei shook her head. The question was very alien to her – considering such things was in itself a thing she could never have considered. "Not even after the injuries you received during that one reactivation test?" Again she shook her head. "Why did you agree to pilot EVA, to go into life and death battles?"
"I am able to," Rei simply replied. "Therefore I should do it." She decided not to tell him how piloting EVA connected her to people. It was one thing to tell Ikari. But this man was a stranger.
"That's noble of you," Kaji lauded her. "If you could get out of the program... because there are more pilots than units, or because we find an alternative for fighting angels... would you?"
That was another strange question. What use were such hypotheticals? The real world was what mattered, and in the real world she was obliged to pilot EVA.
"I would follow Commander Ikari's order in such a case," she answered.
"I see," Kaji muttered. "Do you mind the Commander giving orders to you?" Rei shook her head. Kaji sighed. "Very well then. Thanks for your time, Rei." He hesitated. "I assume you will report this talk to Commander Ikari?"
"Should I not?" Rei asked.
"Eh, it's alright," Kaji told her. "After all, I don't think I've done anything bad." He grinned again and winked at her. "Or do you think I have?"
Rei just continued looking at him and did not reply. She knew that this was not a genuine question, and in any case, it was a question only he could answer.
Kaji sighed again. "Well, I hope to see you around, Rei. Bye!" And finally, he left her apartment again.
That's a fine mess I've gotten my genius ass into. What the fuck use is a maths bachelor if I'm still acting that stupid?
Maybe the mistake had been showing interest in Shinji's memories in the first place. The obvious parallels to her own history had awakened her curiosity, but maybe she should simply have let sleeping dogs lie. Asuka had enough problems shutting out her own memories anyway, at night when it was dark and she was just lying in bed, or worse, when she would finally fall asleep only to see her mother again in her dreams... her nightmares. There was no reason to also involve other people in it.
And then, worst of all, Shinji! She already had compromised her situation enough by trying to be all friendly with him for a week. He would get all the wrong ideas if she let that stand unchallenged. It was bad enough how little interest that little whelp had in her, even though the great Asuka Langley-Soryu had spent so much time with him. The boy seemed to have no drive of his own, which was intolerable in an EVA pilot. Hence Asuka thought she should be a challenge to him, to get him to act and not... not present her company as a free gift like that!
That was why she had to clarify things with him. Even if it meant appearing at the Katsuragi residence at not even half past eight on a Sunday morning. Knowing how her former guardian acted on weekends, Asuka was reasonably sure Misato had only gone to bed four, five hours ago, and that not even a ringing doorbell would disturb her likely beer-fuelled slumber. She is such a sloth... Misato had also been the first NERV guardian who had truly shown affection for Asuka, but that did not mean the Second Child would go easy on her – she needed to get a grip, and that as soon as possible. She also needed to stay the hell away from Kaji.
The door opened relatively quickly after she had rung. However, there was no one behind it. Asuka's jaw dropped when something appeared behind it. A... a... penguin? In Japan? Has Second Impact fucked over the climate here that badly? And why is a penguin wearing a backpack?
"Wark!" the penguin greeted her.
"What are you...?" Asuka whispered, mouth still wide open.
"Wark!" the penguin told her.
Asuka closed her mouth, stood straight again and muttered: "Well, that explains it." Great. Now I'm talking to even more animals besides just the stooges.
It was then that, fortunately, Shinji appeared behind the penguin. He was wearing an apron. "Sorry," he apologized. "Forgot I still had something on the stove. Uh... Soryu. What are you... ah, I mean, nice to see you here."
Asuka raised her eyebrow. "Yes, I'm sure." He sounds like the epitome of happy excitement... "Listen... uh... I assume Misato is still sleeping?"
"You know her well," Shinji commented.
"Yeah, well, she used to be my guardian, back in Germany," Asuka explained. You get that morsel for free. She stopped, unsure what to say or do next, but completely unwilling to show it.
"Huh. She never told me," Shinji answered.
Before an awkward silence could ensue, the penguin again spoke up: "Wark!"
Shinji smiled. "That's Pen-Pen, Misato's hot spring penguin. No, I don't know what a hot spring penguin is. But if Pen-Pen is anything to go by, they're a nice bunch." He patted the penguin on the head. It looked pleased.
"Misato sure takes in strange life forms," Asuka muttered, then looked pointedly at Shinji.
Shinji nodded. "That's your former guardian for you."
…
Did he just...
Asuka could almost feel the steam rising inside her. She fought it down; she was here on a purpose. "Listen, Third. I'm here to talk to you about what happened on Friday. I let you off the hook too quickly. "
"I... I won't tell anything, I promise!" Shinji hastily assured her. He hesitated. "Ah... you see... it's just..."
"What 'it's just'?" Asuka shouted. "There is no 'it's just'! You'll shut up, and that's the end of it!"
"But don't you think it's strange?" Shinji insisted. "Both our mothers, lost in contact experiments with the EVAs we would late pilot?"
Asuka narrowed her eyes. He's right... no. Rather, I haven't driven my point home enough yet. "So, how's your stuff on the stove? Can you leave it alone for a while?"
"Uh... I think so... why?" Shinji answered.
"If I shout at you here, it'll just wake people up," Asuka told him. "We need to talk somewhere more private."
"Uh... yeah... sure, that makes sense," Shinji agreed. "Let me just clean up the kitchen... I suppose we can get something to eat on the way..."
"Hrrrnnnggg..." Asuka voiced, but she did not say something. She supposed his request was reasonable enough; but she did not like standing in front of a door waiting for people. It was annoying, and people might get the wrong impression.
She had started contemplating using her head to ram the door in when Shinji finally emerged. Enough people had told her how thick it was, after all. She felt like she had waited an eternity. Her phone said it had been less than ten minutes, but standing around with nothing to do and waiting for an ungrateful whelp, that was an eternity.
The two got going wordlessly. When they had left the apartment bloc, Asuka realized she did not actually know where there could be a private place to talk to here in Tokyo-3. She was still too new to the city, and she was no fool: She knew the pilots were probably being watched every time they were in the open. They somehow needed to get rid of NERV's security apparatus. She just did not know how. That did not stop her from simply confidently walking in an arbitrary direction, though
After they had walked for ten minutes, Shinji finally dared to say something: "So, uh... you wanted to talk?"
Asuka looked around while she continued walking. They had entered a surprisingly upscale residential area; there were some high quality apartment blocs here as well, but also single residence houses, something rare enough in Japan. It would be difficult for spooks to catch us here... but I also don't want to stand around on the street the entire time.
"I just don't want you to get any wrong ideas!" Asuka told him. "So our... uhm, our... argh!" This is definitely the wrong place for such a talk. "Isn't there somewhere in this damn city we can go that's a bit more private?"
"I thought..." Shinji began, then stopped himself. "Well, I don't know... hm. How about a bit outside the city?"
"What? Do you think I want to go on a hiking trip?" Asuka argued.
"No, we can take the train!" Shinji defended himself. "Come on, let's go."
Huh. That's unusually active for him. She could not say she disliked 'active Shinji'.
The two remained entirely quiet on the train. Sometimes, Asuka glanced over nervously to Shinji, afraid he would do something stupid like starting to babble in the middle of the ride. But he seemed oddly relaxed and content with the silence. Asuka rarely was; she always had to occupy her mind with something. She had to always walk forwards; it was the only way to leave the past behind.
The silence grated on her, but she would not break it. She would not make a fool out of herself in front of all these people. So for half an hour, Shinji and Asuka sat reasonably close together and kept silent. When the train finally arrived at its final stop, Asuka realized that it was quite a bit outside the city indeed, already a way up the mountains that surrounded Tokyo-3. She and Shinji were the last two remaining passengers.
"How do you know that place?" she asked as the two left the train.
"Misato once took me to here," Shinji explained. "There is a platform with a great view over the city up those stairs. "
"Misato used the train?" Asuka asked. That seemed unlikely; she knew what a car fanatic the Captain was.
"No, I also was here with, uh... well, with Ayanami," Shinji continued.
The two have been on a date already??? Was zur Hölle...
"Yes, I'm sure you two could put a private place outside the city, with basically no people around, to good use," Asuka insinuated angrily. "Though I'm surprised she even cares for privacy."
"Ah, uh... I thought about going downhill," Shinji tried to change the subject. "Nobody will be there. And it hasn't rained in ages; we can sit down on the grass."
Asuka looked down on her clothing. She had decided there was absolutely no need to dress fancy just for Shinji, so she conveniently was wearing jeans. Nonetheless, there was something about the idea that bothered her. "So that's how you treat a lady? Invite her to a patch of grass? Did you do the same for Rei as well?"
"I took Ayanami to see the city," Shinji defended himself. There finally was some rigour in his voice. "We can do the same, but I thought you didn't want people around."
Asuka harrumphed, raised her head defiantly and turned around, to walk down the hill. She could hear Shinji sigh behind her before he also got going.
After a good distance downhill, she simply let herself sink unceremoniously onto the ground. Even from here, the view on the city was not bad. For all its charms, Berlin was ugly. Tokyo-3 was much cleaner and more glittering, even with the decaying ruins of Ramiel still visible right at its centre. Not that she had really seen much of Berlin, of course. Basically just the Technical University and the NERV facility. She dimly remembered where her grandparents lived, a small South German town with a medieval centre, where she had lived for the first two years of her life, and where her mother had... but such memories best remained buried.
Shinji sat down besides her.
Asuka began talking seriously and calmly; she wanted to get somewhere, after all. "This is important to me, okay? I just... I don't want to be seen as something I'm not. I don't need pity or worse, people going easy on me because I've had it oh so rough. I managed to make my way through it. I managed to graduate from university aged 14, and I'm the best EVA pilot in the world. I'm owed respect, not pity."
For a long time there was no answer. Asuka was already sure Shinji would chicken out of an answer, but she did not look. She did not want to see that pathetic spectacle. However, finally, he did reply. It was quiet and soft, but entirely without his usual stuttering: "I know what you mean. Not that I have achieved much in my life, but I know how it is when others talk. When they look at you with pity... with eyes reserved for victims. When I... when my mother died, my father sent me away, to a tutor. He was good at teaching, but very cold. And the people around me, they looked at me and whispered."
"There were... rumours, weren't there?" Asuka asked carefully and looked over to him. Only now she noticed how close he sat.
He nodded. "They said my father had killed my mother. I... I know he was there. At that experiment. So maybe..." He shook his head. "No. Even he would not do such a thing. But the people around me, they didn't know that. Or maybe they didn't care. They just wanted something to gossip about, I think. I was just convenient for them."
Asuka nodded. That could have been the conversation. It seemed her point had come across to Shinji just fine. It had been a risk to open up so much to make that point, but it seemed to have paid off. But what he said now... it sounded so familiar to her. It sounds like... like someone who might understand.
"Sometimes that's all people see," she answered, and was surprised herself how bitter she sounded. "Only your use to them. Before Misato, I had half a dozen guardians. None of them cared. They just tried to keep me fit for my task. Piloting EVA."
"Yes," Shinji agreed. "My tutor... he did his job. But he never cared."
"They only measured me by what I had achieved," Asuka went on. "By my synch-rates and my grades."
"He never looked at me," Shinji continued. "Just a professional doing his job, nothing more."
A slight shiver went through Asuka. That was it exactly.
Maybe it was that what prompted her to go on: "My mother didn't die in the contact experiment. But she... she lost her mind. Afterwards, she didn't even recognize me. I tried so hard to gain her attention again... and after she... after she... I hoped at least my father would pay attention to me."
"Mine never did," Shinji told her. "He dumped me at some train station, for that tutor, for a person I'd never seen before, to pick me up. I... I..." He tightened a hand to a fist and ripped out a bunch of grass. "I still remember it. Standing there at the platform, crying, while my father simply walked away. I think I was four or so."
"...why do you even speak with him then?" Asuka asked. "I mean, my father..." She scoffed. "I tried so hard to gain his attention, but he was too busy with his new wife. They simply wrote me off, gave me to NERV. We talk maybe once every year, at my birthday. He always sends me gifts. To still appear as a caring father, I'd wager. Screw him." She became quiet. "But accepting that... that was...."
"I still don't think I have," Shinji whispered. "I thought that, maybe, if I was really good... did really well in my work... was well-behaved... my father would return to me. Maybe... maybe I still think that."
"I understand," Asuka breathed. "It's wrong, but... I understand."
"Nobody has so far," Shinji muttered darkly.
"Nobody understands," Asuka pointed out. "How could they?"
Shinji nodded again. "That's true. I mean, some people have the best intentions, like Touji and Kensuke... or Misato... but..."
"They don't know what it's like," Asuka finished for him. "To long for something... someone... you can't even properly remember the face of."
"I still don't know what my mother looked like," Shinji stated. "Father threw away all pictures, all videos. I have no idea. Only the feeling that something is missing."
"Yeah," Asuka agreed.
Gottverdammt. How... how can that be? She decided to not further analyse the improbability of some random Japanese boy knowing exactly how she felt because he felt the same. Rather, she simply enjoyed that emotion of understanding.
"And ever since then, I... I think I had nobody," Shinji continued. "I think Touji, Kensuke... Ayanami... maybe you... you're the first real friends I had in... a decade."
"I never had longlasting classmates," Asuka answered. "I rushed through school, through college. There was no time for friendships. And at college, I was practically just the little mascot of the other students. They were friendly, yes, but they didn't take me seriously."
"They're always so polite," Shinji agreed. "But in the end, nobody wanted to have anything to do with me, so I just... accepted it, eventually."
Asuka nodded. "Knowing that one will be alone. Accepting it." There was a long silence now. There was still one thing on Asuka's mind. She did not know where it had come from, but... after that talk she felt safe bringing it up. Maybe Shinji would understand that as well: "Is that why you've been talking to Rei? Has she also lost her mother?"
Shinji looked thoughtful. "I... I have never heard her mention her mother. She is... yeah, she's strange. But... she listens. She may not always agree, but she also doesn't judge. With her... I think with her, she doesn't need to understand. It's enough that she listens. I think she genuinely just wants the best for people but can't express it."
Asuka scoffed. "Yeah, if that's her true nature, then she's very good at hiding it."
"Maybe... I'm not saying you have to tell her this," Shinji answered. "But maybe you could talk to her. I think she would listen to you as well."
"After what happened at her apartment? Fat chance," Asuka dismissed the idea.
Shinji smiled faintly. "She doesn't seem to mind. As I've said, she doesn't seem to judge."
"And you don't find that weird?" Asuka asked.
Shinji shrugged. "There is worse than 'weird'."
Annoyance began to rise in Asuka. "Why are we even talking about her right now?" Before Shinji could protest, she continued: "We find out how much we have in common, and you go on about Ms Bluehair."
To her surprise, Shinji smiled, as if amused. "You're right, of course. I... I'm not good at this, Soryu. But this talk... it went well. I suppose talking between us works as well."
"Asuka," she replied flatly.
"Huh?" Shinji made.
"I have not told you my entire damn life story so that you can still go on calling me 'Soryu'!" Asuka argued. "This Japanese custom is weird, anyway."
"Ah... okay," Shinji said uncertainly. "Asuka."
She worked her mouth. After that talk, seeing how Shinji did understand, she felt almost bad bringing it up, but it needed to be said. "And none of this..."
"Will ever be spoken of to anyone else," Shinji finished the sentence – surprisingly fast and surprisingly confidently.
Asuka nodded. Then she smiled. "It's odd. I wouldn't have thought...."
She was interrupted by two identical signals: The angel alarm from their phones.
Rei was in her seat inside her entry-plug. She looked entirely calm as she watched the flooded ruins of Shizuoka in front of her. She had a job to do, and she would do it. There was no question to it.
However, she was aware that this would be her first actual combat engagement, the first engagement where she was expected to actually fight the enemy instead of just holding a shield, and on top of that her first engagement in EVA-01. It was only the second time she had been inside that unit, and yet already the first time she would have to take it to battle.
Ikari had not even seen it before his first fight.
She did not know what exactly had happened to him inside EVA-00, but it seemed to have incapacitated him in regards to piloting his unit. Apparently, neither the Commander nor Dr Akagi knew how this could have come about, but then EVA technology was far from mature. Accidents like this were to be expected.
And yet, she felt concerned about the incident. It had not been a simple accident. There had been no mechanical or electronic failure. The EVA had gone berserk. The me inside the Evangelion has acted. Am this version of me at fault for what has happened?
Maybe that explained the feeling of gratitude she was experiencing right now. It was an irrational feeling: She would be deployed as necessity dictated, regardless of other concerns. But she was glad that she could make up for whatever had happened to Ikari by now taking over his role. Besides, it felt nice synching with Unit 01. There was no struggle involved, nothing resisting her control over the machine. Nothing that just wanted to end it all.
"EVA-01, EVA-02, are you reading this?" Captain Katsuragi's voice sounded over the communication system.
"Yes," Rei merely responded.
"Yes, yes," Soryu said. "I think the comm system is the one thing that has never failed."
"Right," Katsuragi stated. "Fortunately we got sufficient warning from the Maritime Forces, allowing us to make a stand right here, at the coast. Maybe this time, we can even avoid damage to Tokyo-3."
"What good is a fortress city if we don't even use it in a fight?" Soryu complained.
"The last angel shot down anything it perceived as a threat," Katsuragi explained. "Only a fraction of our defensive guns are still operational. The fortress wouldn't really help you anyway at the moment." Soryu scoffed at this, while Katsuragi continued: "We have no information about the capabilities of the enemy object, so be careful. Go in one at a time, while the other covers her. Take turns."
"That's what you call a fair fight?" Soryu questioned her. "Two against one?"
"I have no interest in giving a fair fight to angels," Katsuragi replied. She sounded unusually cold.
Rei saw Soryu shrugging on the comm screen. "Whatever. I'm sure I can demolish it by myself."
Rei really saw no point to all this unnecessary communication. Captain Katsuragi had little choice but to reply to Soryu's complaints, but Soryu seemed to be talking for the sake of talking. It was... inefficient. Superfluous. Loud. She concentrated on just looking straight ahead, scanning the sea for disturbances.
There was one.
Not too far off the coast, a huge mountain of water was forming, with the sea there being tossed into the air. Something was emerging, something big.
As the air cleared of the water again, Rei could see that the angel did not look very impressive compared to some of its predecessors. It had a very vaguely humanoid form, with two short legs, a torso that widened considerably up to the shoulders and two long arms that seemed to be perpetually outstretched. There was no head, just a visible core at the centre of the upper torso.
"Commence the attack!" Katsuragi ordered.
Immediately, Soryu set her unit in motion, grabbing the EVA-sized naginata that was among the weapons prepared at the beach. "I'll handle the angel!" she told Rei. "You cover me."
It did not make a difference to Rei. "Roger," she acknowledged.
She started firing at the angel. The pallet rifle had no effect on it, but then, that wasn't the point. The idea was to restrict its movement... at least, in theory. It was of course still possible that angels would simply move under fire without caring about it. However, the pallet rifle was the only EVA-scale method for cover fire NERV had.
Suddenly, Soryu declared: "Charge!" and began jumping from rooftop to rooftop. It was actually a clever idea. Rei realized that at once, even as she was still aiming at the angel, though she doubted it would have come to her as easily: By jumping, EVA-02 avoided losing any speed or momentum due to being stuck in water.
In less than ten seconds Soryu was at the angel... no, above the angel. EVA-02 soared high into the air, the naginata raised far above its head...and then it struck. That one single strike cleanly cut the entire angel in half, top to bottom.
Rei would not have judged that possible, but showed no signs of surprise. What happened, happened.
"What do you think of that, First Child?" Soryu taunted her. "A fight should be clean, elegant and without waste."
"I agree," Rei merely replied. It was true.
Soryu did not get a chance to further the conversation. Suddenly, the flesh of the cloven angel quivered, and then burst – revealing what looked like two smaller versions of its original form, one orange, one white. Since EVA-02's momentum had carried it behind the angel, its two successors now stood between the two Evangelion units.
Without further comment, Rei began firing again. What happened, happened.
Soryu, of course, showed her displeasure more openly. "Hey, that's cheating!"
As she was saying that, the two angels came charging, both right at Rei. The First Child dropped the pallet rifle, opened her Evangelion's shoulder pylons and drew her prog-knife. She had trained for EVA-scale close combat extensively, but only in simulations. She knew she had to do her job, but there was this sliver of uncertainty she just could not fight down.
The first demi-angel, the white one, reached her, slamming its rigid arm against the suddenly flaring up AT-Field of EVA-01. Trusting in those magical octagons to handle the defence, Rei had her unit hold the prog-knife blade down, and began stabbing. However, the enemy's AT-Field held as well. And then its partner appeared, leaping over it. The orange enemy's AT-Field crushed right into EVA-01's, through it, and the angel struck right at the Unit's face. Pain vibrated through Rei and she could taste blood.
EVA-01 took some steps backwards, its left arm raised to block any further attacks. Angel swings hit empty air, until finally the two got moving again. Rei blocked the strike of the orange one, but the white one...
...was pushed aside as EVA-02 rammed directly into it, Soryu screaming as her unit did so. Then she swung her naginata to hit the other demi-angel.
Rei could have used her chance when the orange demi-angel now turned to now face Soryu, but she was too surprised to do so. As EVA-02 and Orange began facing each other, White quickly whirled around that skirmish to face EVA-01. Rei and her enemy both chopped at each other, both blocked by each other's AT-Field. Behind White's unshapely stature she could see Soryu struggling with her own enemy.
EVA-01 was more agile, more active, more aggressive all on its own, despite Rei's slightly lower synch-rate in it. On the other hand, she had the gut feeling the AT-Field was slightly weaker than EVA-00's. She strained herself trying to keep it as strong as possible. The air between her and the angel was filled with orange glowing geometric shapes.
There was a scream by Soryu in the comm system, and then Rei could hear a loud bang behind White. A moment later, White stumbled. Rei realized someone had struck against its leg. Soryu's naginata. With a reaction time she realized was too slow, she renewed her attacks. With two AT fields now eroding White's own, the demi-angel soon found itself the victim of several cuts and strikes. Finally, Rei managed to sink her prog-knife into its core. Silently, but with an angry grimace, she slid it down the core further and further. Finally, the demi-angel stopped moving.
By this time, Soryu had already turned around to face Orange again, who now was backing off again. Rei had EVA-01 run to that fight, into the shallow water, but it was unnecessary: Two short slashes by Soryu's naginata, and the core was shattered.
Rei stopped mid-way and silently breathed out in relief.
"How sporting of them to have given us a surprise challenge," Soryu joked smugly. "EVA-02 to Command: Mission co... Scheiße! Rei, behind you!"
Rei turned her Evangelion around to see the flesh of White quivering... its wounds closing and its core lighting up again. It leaped at EVA-01.
She heard a hissing sound coming from behind.... and then saw a spear hitting White right in the core. Not a spear. Soryu has thrown her naginata. How... she must have used her unit's AT field to stabilize its trajectory. Rei was genuinely impressed. She did not think she would have dared doing this. Loud and brash... but maybe 'brash' is not a bad thing...
"Grab it!" Soryu roared.
Rei did not understand. With an annoyed grunt, Soryu had her EVA run forwards, pushing Rei's unit out of the way, and rammed the naginata deep into White's core. When Rei had stabilized EVA-01 again, she could see Orange now running to them. She tried to counter-charge... but so did Soryu. The two Evangelions ran into each other. EVA-01 fell down into the shallow water, while EVA-02 stumbled. Soryu could barely parry Orange with her EVA's bare hands. By the time EVA-01 was up again, White was moving again.
From here on, the fight descended into utter chaos.
"Cover my flank, Rei!"
"I need your assistance, Soryu."
"Out of the way!"
"Careful, Soryu."
"We should..."
"This is inadvisable."
The bickering even went on once both Evangelions had been immobilized.
Kaji smirked.
That was expected of him, just as much as the beard stubble or the unkempt hair. He was the always smirking rogue. That could charm some people on the spot, while others, usually the sort of stiffy, serious people in important positions, would constantly underestimate him. After all, he was just the slightly bedraggled guardian of the Second Child, right? Certainly not someone who would steal Adam from under SEELE's collective nose.
So he smirked even in the most serious or uncomfortable situations. Like right now. The First and Second Children had been ordered to this small room, to see the results of their catastrophic failure in the fight, carefully watched by Vice Commander Fuyutsuki. Commander Ikari could not be bothered to care about such petty nonsense. As always, Rei showed no emotional reactions, but Asuka looked uncomfortable.
And truth be told, Kaji felt the same way. Not that he would shun Ikari and Fuyutsuki, quite the contrary: The only way to gain that information that he sought so desperately was through contact with such people. But whenever he was near them, he was cautious. He had spent the past week scanning NERV networks for information regarding EVA-01 and Yui Ikari. What Asuka had told him was interesting.
It was possible Shinji had made the stuff up; that boys with low self-esteem would tell lies to make themselves more important was not entirely infeasible. However, Yui Ikari's official date of death was only two days after the official date for the first activation of EVA-01. And most people who had been part of that test had been reassigned all over the globe. A disproportionate amount of them had died, most prominently Naoko Akagi, the mother of his old friend Ritsuko.
He had always known that there was a deep and dark secret in NERV, but he would never have guessed that it would be something so personal. Both Ikari and Fuyutsuki had been at that test as well, and yet both were still here, alive and at the very top. Kaji would have to be damn careful in dealing with them.
His smirk widened miniscully. He would need to make friends among NERV's officers, and he already knew just how to start. Business and pleasure, all at once. Just what a charming rogue would do. But for now he would have to listen to the pilots getting scolded for their failure. Just what NERV would do. First recruit children as soldiers, and then getting all upset when they act like children on the battlefield. Just keep smiling, Kaji...
A movie was running on a screen in front of them all, showing images of EVA-02 half drilled into the ground and EVA-01 half-drowned in the sea. A narrator commented: "Today, at 11:04:18, EVA-01 lost its final engagement with Target Alpha after an especially powerful flare of the target's AT field. EVA-01 was displaced 2.2km from Target Alpha, in Suruga Bay. At the same time plus 20 seconds, a similar powerful AT field spike from Target Beta overcame EVA-02. EVA-02 ended up 1.7km inland. We have a comment from the head of Project E: 'This is pathetic.' "
Kaji suppressed a sigh and kept smirking. Ritsu, when did you become so harsh?
Asuka stood up from her seat and looked to Rei. "This is all your fault! You totally screwed up the fight!"
Rei did not react.
While Asuka was still standing and glaring at Rei, the movie went on: "At 11:20, NERV abandoned the operation and yielded command to the UN Secondary Force."
"We have been humiliated," Fuyutsuki growled.
"At 11:23, UN forces attacked with an N2 mine," the movie narration continued, while showing a map of the region – a large semi-circle of what was formerly land would now be part of the sea. "They succeeded in burning off 28% of the target's structural substance."
"We were both unsuccessful," Rei calmly remarked to Asuka.
"How can you just sit there and say that?" Asuka angrily demanded to know. "No wonder that went poorly! I have to fight besides a so-called pilot with such an attitude."
"You charged blindly ahead," Rei continued just as calmly.
"And you just stood there and did nothing!" Asuka shot back. "With the reaction times of a post-communist Russian government office!"
"Enough of that!" Fuyutsuki cut in. "We can't allow this childish bickering! Look at what sort of joke you made out of NERV." The screen showed pictures of the salvage operations for EVA-01 and EVA-02. "The conventional forces have just been waiting for this opportunity. Their N2 mine gives us a reprieve – Dr Akagi estimates about seven to eight days. But..."
Misato coughed to gain attention. "Sir, if I may." She walked over to him and began to speak quietly to the Vice Commander.
Truth be told, Kaji was a bit surprised to see her here. This did not concern Shinji, and gods knew she would have enough paperwork to fill out after a disaster like this. But for some reason she had taken the time for this. It would make things easier for him.
Fuyutuski still looked unhappy, but said nothing. Finally he nodded and stood up. "Very well then, Captain. I leave this in your hands. Do not screw up again." With that he left the room... practically stomped out of it.
Misato stood there with closed eyes and rubbed her nasal bridge. "Very well," she finally said and turned around to face the pilots. "You heard the Vice Commander. We have seven days to come up with a tactic. The problem seems to be that as long as one of the two sub-units is active, the other can start regenerating. The two cores must be destroyed at exactly the same time... if Ritsuko is to believed, with a failure tolerance of only 0.18 to 1.12 seconds. If you have any ideas on how you will achieve this, I'm listening."
"I could do it!" Asuka claimed. "It's her that's the problem! You have seen how slow she's always been to react! Can't Shinji pilot EVA-01?"
Misato sighed. "It's possible that by next week he can pilot again; we still don't know what the matter with him is. But we can't exactly build on that possibility. And as good as you are, Asuka, I doubt you can kill two targets at once. It seems you two will have to cooperate."
"Cooperate?" Asuka echoed angrily. "That's not an option! I would have to lower my standards so much that..."
Now Kaji coughed to gain everyone's attention. "I think I have an idea, but I'd like to talk about it with Misato first." He smiled his best 'cunning rogue' smile. "Who knows, maybe it's completely idiotic. So, would you two go outside and wait for us? And please, without killing or seriously hurting each other."
For a moment Kaji considered if such a remark to the First Child had been wise. By all accounts, Rei could be very literal-minded. She might take it as permission to cause minor injuries. He dismissed that thought.
When the two were outside, Misato looked at Kaji with a raised eyebrow. "So, what is this all about?"
"Why so standoffish?" Kaji asked. "You work too hard, Misato. Too much stress."
"And this incident will just contribute to it," she commented, annoyed. "So how do you want to help in that?"
Kaji smiled in response. "What did you tell the Vice-Commander?"
Misato made a dismissive hand gesture. "I told him his attitude towards the pilots is unhelpful. And it is. We exist to defeat the angels. Whether we make a joke out of ourselves in the process... who cares. Defeating the angels is the only thing that can justify getting those kids into the giant, pain-transmitting robots. Interservice rivalry should not be their concern."
Kaji nodded appreciatively. "And you confronted a direct superior over that? I'm honestly impressed, Misato."
She glared at him. "That's all your fault you know. If you hadn't pointed this out to me..." She sighed. "But it's probably for the better."
"Fuyutsuki is an old man, you know," Kaji pointed out. "Our generation... we experienced Second Impact when we were young. It shaped us. Made us pragmatic. We never had the luxury to care about 'saving face'. And Commander Ikari only cares about whether an operation is ultimately successful or not. But Fuyutsuki is of an earlier generation. He grew up with the notion of always saving face, especially to outsiders. It's not NERV policy, just his personality."
Misato sighed again. "Let's hope so. So, your plan?"
"Under current conditions, Rei and Asuka will not be able to cooperate within a week," Kaji stated bluntly. "We need to change the conditions."
Misato placed her arms on her sides. "I'm listening."
"There are several apartments in your bloc that are empty, aren't there?" Kaji asked, as if he were changing the topic.
"What does that... yes," Misato confirmed.
"And NERV could requisition one on short notice," Kaji continued. "So, for the week, that is where Asuka and Rei will move. Under your supervision."
"What?" Misato exclaimed "Asuka..."
Kaji shrugged. "...is currently still living in a hotel. And Rei... have you ever been to her residence?" Misato shook her head. "I have no idea why the Commander lets one of his pilots live in such a dump. Getting her out of there even temporarily will be an improvement."
Kaji's eternal grin was now matched in his thoughts. Oh sure, he was just pushing his slightly crazy idea. He would not interfere in Ikari's plan for Rei, oh no, Commander, sir. It's just for the mission, you see?
He had actually been pretty shocked by Rei's living conditions. Oh sure, he had had worse, but that had been right after Second Impact, when Japanese society had basically completely collapsed outside the armed forces and the Tokyo-2 construction project. And there were more than enough vacant apartments in Tokyo-3 that Rei's place of residence probably served another reason. But what reason? Why does Ikari stick her inside there?
His talk with Rei had been just a masquerade, basically. Just the sort of superficial questions an UN inspector was supposed to ask. He had really been primarily there to check on how that most enigmatic of pilots lived, and secondarily to stir up the hornet's nest – to see how NERV would react.
"I suppose...." Misato answered uncertainly, "but what does that have to do with the double-bodied angel just some dozen kilometres away?"
Kaji got a data disk out of his shirt pocket and smiled again. "I have a training program for them."
So, the talk the A/S faction has been waiting for And yes, @Matt R totally stole the script It is in fact Israfel, and now Asuka and Rei need to train together, because of course they do. All connections are slowly closing...
So next in-universe week will be critical, obviously, and I have used up my writing buffer. So it may be that the next update will take longer than usual. Of course this in-universe week has been critical, too - from Monday to Sunday, every day had at least one scene. And now things are happening even more rapidly...
Dr Akagi had sent her through her usual battery of medical tests, as always only ever looking at the results, never sparing a glance, let alone small-talk, for Rei. Not that Rei minded or would even know it any other way. She had been there so that her fitness could be tested; as it was, she was functional for all her purposes, and that was everything that mattered. Given her origins, her biology was delicate; and her metaphysical biology was even worse. Her soul was just not made for her body; that body had hence to be constantly recalibrated.
If her body maintenance were to be left to her AT Field alone, the results could be potentially quite bad. By now, Rei did not even consciously consider that fact anymore. It was a normal part of her life, such as it was.
She walked up the litter-filled stairs of her apartment bloc. In the background, the demolition work was going on even at this late hour, but its noises did not even register with Rei anymore, nor did all the trash around her.
She did stop mid-movement in surprise when she saw a man leaning casually against the wall next to her door, though. He was wearing casual clothing, and looked into the setting sun with a grin on his unshaven face. Rei recognized him as the man who had come with Pilot Soryu. Her guardian. She did not know why he was here, and what she could say to him, so she said nothing. She simply walked around him and opened her door.
"You really should get a lock, you know," the man commented.
Rei stopped for a moment, but then continued walking in. So far, having no lock had not caused her any problems, and Soryu's guardian was not in a position of authority over her.
"May I come in, Rei?" he asked her back before she could turn around and close the door.
She would have no inherent problem with that. If he had a reason to come in, she would not have minded. But he had asked her and she saw no reason for that. So she simply began to wordlessly close the door.
He pushed against it from the other side. She looked through the opened gap and saw him holding up a laminated ID card.
He sighed. "I did not want to go this route, but alright. Ryoji Kaji, UN Inspector to NERV. I am to supervise your actions regarding the angels. So I want to talk with the pilots."
Wordlessly, Rei stepped aside and opened the door. It apepared that man, Inspector Kaji, did have authority. It did not even occur to her to check the card.
"Thank you," Kaji told her as he stepped in. He looked around, but did not say anything. The smirk was back on his face.
He furrowed his brows as he walked into her sleeping room. "Has this apartment been assigned to you by NERV?"
Rei nodded.
Kaji's smile... shifted, but Rei could not say how. "You really should at least get a lock, you know. Not that many people still come out here, but I bet police reaction times for the area are terrible."
Rei was not terribly concerned about this. She had not seen a single neighbour in months; the apartment bloc was nearly entirely empty. There simply were no people here who could commit crimes against her. If something were to be stolen, NERV could replace it. And if people attempted violence against her... Rei had means to prevent lasting damage. And minor injuries were inconsequential.
"So, Rei, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself?" Kaji prompted her. "Where you're from, for example?"
"I am Commander Ikari's ward," Rei answered truthfully.
"Do you know when he became your guardian?" Kaji asked.
Rei nodded. She did know that.
Kaji sighed. "When did he become your guardian?"
"As soon as I left the hospital," Rei answered. Also technically true.
"So you've never known any other caretaker than him?" Kaji inquired further.
Rei nodded. Then she considered. "Dr Akagi has also been very involved in my upbringing."
Kaji raised an eyebrow. "Ritsuko, is that so? Hmm. Very well. When did you enter the Evangelion program"
"Two years ago," Rei answered. Of course she had always known that she was slated for it, and she had done simulator training for years before that. "I was called in to do reactivation tests with EVA-00, to clear up questions regarding EVA deployment."
Kaji nodded. "That's the scientific aspect. But it was also planned to have you be part of the military aspect from the beginning, wasn't it?"
"I was supposed to be EVA-01's designated pilot," Rei reported. "The plan was modified by the introduction of Shinji Ikari as Third Child. EVA-00 has been re-equipped as a battle-worthy Evangelion, and I am now its designated pilot."
Kaji hesitated. "Have you ever considered leaving the program?" Rei shook her head. The question was very alien to her – considering such things was in itself a thing she could never have considered. "Not even after the injuries you received during that one reactivation test?" Again she shook her head. "Why did you agree to pilot EVA, to go into life and death battles?"
"I am able to," Rei simply replied. "Therefore I should do it." She decided not to tell him how piloting EVA connected her to people. It was one thing to tell Ikari. But this man was a stranger.
"That's noble of you," Kaji lauded her. "If you could get out of the program... because there are more pilots than units, or because we find an alternative for fighting angels... would you?"
That was another strange question. What use were such hypotheticals? The real world was what mattered, and in the real world she was obliged to pilot EVA.
"I would follow Commander Ikari's order in such a case," she answered.
"I see," Kaji muttered. "Do you mind the Commander giving orders to you?" Rei shook her head. Kaji sighed. "Very well then. Thanks for your time, Rei." He hesitated. "I assume you will report this talk to Commander Ikari?"
"Should I not?" Rei asked.
"Eh, it's alright," Kaji told her. "After all, I don't think I've done anything bad." He grinned again and winked at her. "Or do you think I have?"
Rei just continued looking at him and did not reply. She knew that this was not a genuine question, and in any case, it was a question only he could answer.
Kaji sighed again. "Well, I hope to see you around, Rei. Bye!" And finally, he left her apartment again.
That's a fine mess I've gotten my genius ass into. What the fuck use is a maths bachelor if I'm still acting that stupid?
Maybe the mistake had been showing interest in Shinji's memories in the first place. The obvious parallels to her own history had awakened her curiosity, but maybe she should simply have let sleeping dogs lie. Asuka had enough problems shutting out her own memories anyway, at night when it was dark and she was just lying in bed, or worse, when she would finally fall asleep only to see her mother again in her dreams... her nightmares. There was no reason to also involve other people in it.
And then, worst of all, Shinji! She already had compromised her situation enough by trying to be all friendly with him for a week. He would get all the wrong ideas if she let that stand unchallenged. It was bad enough how little interest that little whelp had in her, even though the great Asuka Langley-Soryu had spent so much time with him. The boy seemed to have no drive of his own, which was intolerable in an EVA pilot. Hence Asuka thought she should be a challenge to him, to get him to act and not... not present her company as a free gift like that!
That was why she had to clarify things with him. Even if it meant appearing at the Katsuragi residence at not even half past eight on a Sunday morning. Knowing how her former guardian acted on weekends, Asuka was reasonably sure Misato had only gone to bed four, five hours ago, and that not even a ringing doorbell would disturb her likely beer-fuelled slumber. She is such a sloth... Misato had also been the first NERV guardian who had truly shown affection for Asuka, but that did not mean the Second Child would go easy on her – she needed to get a grip, and that as soon as possible. She also needed to stay the hell away from Kaji.
The door opened relatively quickly after she had rung. However, there was no one behind it. Asuka's jaw dropped when something appeared behind it. A... a... penguin? In Japan? Has Second Impact fucked over the climate here that badly? And why is a penguin wearing a backpack?
"Wark!" the penguin greeted her.
"What are you...?" Asuka whispered, mouth still wide open.
"Wark!" the penguin told her.
Asuka closed her mouth, stood straight again and muttered: "Well, that explains it." Great. Now I'm talking to even more animals besides just the stooges.
It was then that, fortunately, Shinji appeared behind the penguin. He was wearing an apron. "Sorry," he apologized. "Forgot I still had something on the stove. Uh... Soryu. What are you... ah, I mean, nice to see you here."
Asuka raised her eyebrow. "Yes, I'm sure." He sounds like the epitome of happy excitement... "Listen... uh... I assume Misato is still sleeping?"
"You know her well," Shinji commented.
"Yeah, well, she used to be my guardian, back in Germany," Asuka explained. You get that morsel for free. She stopped, unsure what to say or do next, but completely unwilling to show it.
"Huh. She never told me," Shinji answered.
Before an awkward silence could ensue, the penguin again spoke up: "Wark!"
Shinji smiled. "That's Pen-Pen, Misato's hot spring penguin. No, I don't know what a hot spring penguin is. But if Pen-Pen is anything to go by, they're a nice bunch." He patted the penguin on the head. It looked pleased.
"Misato sure takes in strange life forms," Asuka muttered, then looked pointedly at Shinji.
Shinji nodded. "That's your former guardian for you."
…
Did he just...
Asuka could almost feel the steam rising inside her. She fought it down; she was here on a purpose. "Listen, Third. I'm here to talk to you about what happened on Friday. I let you off the hook too quickly. "
"I... I won't tell anything, I promise!" Shinji hastily assured her. He hesitated. "Ah... you see... it's just..."
"What 'it's just'?" Asuka shouted. "There is no 'it's just'! You'll shut up, and that's the end of it!"
"But don't you think it's strange?" Shinji insisted. "Both our mothers, lost in contact experiments with the EVAs we would late pilot?"
Asuka narrowed her eyes. He's right... no. Rather, I haven't driven my point home enough yet. "So, how's your stuff on the stove? Can you leave it alone for a while?"
"Uh... I think so... why?" Shinji answered.
"If I shout at you here, it'll just wake people up," Asuka told him. "We need to talk somewhere more private."
"Uh... yeah... sure, that makes sense," Shinji agreed. "Let me just clean up the kitchen... I suppose we can get something to eat on the way..."
"Hrrrnnnggg..." Asuka voiced, but she did not say something. She supposed his request was reasonable enough; but she did not like standing in front of a door waiting for people. It was annoying, and people might get the wrong impression.
She had started contemplating using her head to ram the door in when Shinji finally emerged. Enough people had told her how thick it was, after all. She felt like she had waited an eternity. Her phone said it had been less than ten minutes, but standing around with nothing to do and waiting for an ungrateful whelp, that was an eternity.
The two got going wordlessly. When they had left the apartment bloc, Asuka realized she did not actually know where there could be a private place to talk to here in Tokyo-3. She was still too new to the city, and she was no fool: She knew the pilots were probably being watched every time they were in the open. They somehow needed to get rid of NERV's security apparatus. She just did not know how. That did not stop her from simply confidently walking in an arbitrary direction, though
After they had walked for ten minutes, Shinji finally dared to say something: "So, uh... you wanted to talk?"
Asuka looked around while she continued walking. They had entered a surprisingly upscale residential area; there were some high quality apartment blocs here as well, but also single residence houses, something rare enough in Japan. It would be difficult for spooks to catch us here... but I also don't want to stand around on the street the entire time.
"I just don't want you to get any wrong ideas!" Asuka told him. "So our... uhm, our... argh!" This is definitely the wrong place for such a talk. "Isn't there somewhere in this damn city we can go that's a bit more private?"
"I thought..." Shinji began, then stopped himself. "Well, I don't know... hm. How about a bit outside the city?"
"What? Do you think I want to go on a hiking trip?" Asuka argued.
"No, we can take the train!" Shinji defended himself. "Come on, let's go."
Huh. That's unusually active for him. She could not say she disliked 'active Shinji'.
The two remained entirely quiet on the train. Sometimes, Asuka glanced over nervously to Shinji, afraid he would do something stupid like starting to babble in the middle of the ride. But he seemed oddly relaxed and content with the silence. Asuka rarely was; she always had to occupy her mind with something. She had to always walk forwards; it was the only way to leave the past behind.
The silence grated on her, but she would not break it. She would not make a fool out of herself in front of all these people. So for half an hour, Shinji and Asuka sat reasonably close together and kept silent. When the train finally arrived at its final stop, Asuka realized that it was quite a bit outside the city indeed, already a way up the mountains that surrounded Tokyo-3. She and Shinji were the last two remaining passengers.
"How do you know that place?" she asked as the two left the train.
"Misato once took me to here," Shinji explained. "There is a platform with a great view over the city up those stairs. "
"Misato used the train?" Asuka asked. That seemed unlikely; she knew what a car fanatic the Captain was.
"No, I also was here with, uh... well, with Ayanami," Shinji continued.
The two have been on a date already??? Was zur Hölle...
"Yes, I'm sure you two could put a private place outside the city, with basically no people around, to good use," Asuka insinuated angrily. "Though I'm surprised she even cares for privacy."
"Ah, uh... I thought about going downhill," Shinji tried to change the subject. "Nobody will be there. And it hasn't rained in ages; we can sit down on the grass."
Asuka looked down on her clothing. She had decided there was absolutely no need to dress fancy just for Shinji, so she conveniently was wearing jeans. Nonetheless, there was something about the idea that bothered her. "So that's how you treat a lady? Invite her to a patch of grass? Did you do the same for Rei as well?"
"I took Ayanami to see the city," Shinji defended himself. There finally was some rigour in his voice. "We can do the same, but I thought you didn't want people around."
Asuka harrumphed, raised her head defiantly and turned around, to walk down the hill. She could hear Shinji sigh behind her before he also got going.
After a good distance downhill, she simply let herself sink unceremoniously onto the ground. Even from here, the view on the city was not bad. For all its charms, Berlin was ugly. Tokyo-3 was much cleaner and more glittering, even with the decaying ruins of Ramiel still visible right at its centre. Not that she had really seen much of Berlin, of course. Basically just the Technical University and the NERV facility. She dimly remembered where her grandparents lived, a small South German town with a medieval centre, where she had lived for the first two years of her life, and where her mother had... but such memories best remained buried.
Shinji sat down besides her.
Asuka began talking seriously and calmly; she wanted to get somewhere, after all. "This is important to me, okay? I just... I don't want to be seen as something I'm not. I don't need pity or worse, people going easy on me because I've had it oh so rough. I managed to make my way through it. I managed to graduate from university aged 14, and I'm the best EVA pilot in the world. I'm owed respect, not pity."
For a long time there was no answer. Asuka was already sure Shinji would chicken out of an answer, but she did not look. She did not want to see that pathetic spectacle. However, finally, he did reply. It was quiet and soft, but entirely without his usual stuttering: "I know what you mean. Not that I have achieved much in my life, but I know how it is when others talk. When they look at you with pity... with eyes reserved for victims. When I... when my mother died, my father sent me away, to a tutor. He was good at teaching, but very cold. And the people around me, they looked at me and whispered."
"There were... rumours, weren't there?" Asuka asked carefully and looked over to him. Only now she noticed how close he sat.
He nodded. "They said my father had killed my mother. I... I know he was there. At that experiment. So maybe..." He shook his head. "No. Even he would not do such a thing. But the people around me, they didn't know that. Or maybe they didn't care. They just wanted something to gossip about, I think. I was just convenient for them."
Asuka nodded. That could have been the conversation. It seemed her point had come across to Shinji just fine. It had been a risk to open up so much to make that point, but it seemed to have paid off. But what he said now... it sounded so familiar to her. It sounds like... like someone who might understand.
"Sometimes that's all people see," she answered, and was surprised herself how bitter she sounded. "Only your use to them. Before Misato, I had half a dozen guardians. None of them cared. They just tried to keep me fit for my task. Piloting EVA."
"Yes," Shinji agreed. "My tutor... he did his job. But he never cared."
"They only measured me by what I had achieved," Asuka went on. "By my synch-rates and my grades."
"He never looked at me," Shinji continued. "Just a professional doing his job, nothing more."
A slight shiver went through Asuka. That was it exactly.
Maybe it was that what prompted her to go on: "My mother didn't die in the contact experiment. But she... she lost her mind. Afterwards, she didn't even recognize me. I tried so hard to gain her attention again... and after she... after she... I hoped at least my father would pay attention to me."
"Mine never did," Shinji told her. "He dumped me at some train station, for that tutor, for a person I'd never seen before, to pick me up. I... I..." He tightened a hand to a fist and ripped out a bunch of grass. "I still remember it. Standing there at the platform, crying, while my father simply walked away. I think I was four or so."
"...why do you even speak with him then?" Asuka asked. "I mean, my father..." She scoffed. "I tried so hard to gain his attention, but he was too busy with his new wife. They simply wrote me off, gave me to NERV. We talk maybe once every year, at my birthday. He always sends me gifts. To still appear as a caring father, I'd wager. Screw him." She became quiet. "But accepting that... that was...."
"I still don't think I have," Shinji whispered. "I thought that, maybe, if I was really good... did really well in my work... was well-behaved... my father would return to me. Maybe... maybe I still think that."
"I understand," Asuka breathed. "It's wrong, but... I understand."
"Nobody has so far," Shinji muttered darkly.
"Nobody understands," Asuka pointed out. "How could they?"
Shinji nodded again. "That's true. I mean, some people have the best intentions, like Touji and Kensuke... or Misato... but..."
"They don't know what it's like," Asuka finished for him. "To long for something... someone... you can't even properly remember the face of."
"I still don't know what my mother looked like," Shinji stated. "Father threw away all pictures, all videos. I have no idea. Only the feeling that something is missing."
"Yeah," Asuka agreed.
Gottverdammt. How... how can that be? She decided to not further analyse the improbability of some random Japanese boy knowing exactly how she felt because he felt the same. Rather, she simply enjoyed that emotion of understanding.
"And ever since then, I... I think I had nobody," Shinji continued. "I think Touji, Kensuke... Ayanami... maybe you... you're the first real friends I had in... a decade."
"I never had longlasting classmates," Asuka answered. "I rushed through school, through college. There was no time for friendships. And at college, I was practically just the little mascot of the other students. They were friendly, yes, but they didn't take me seriously."
"They're always so polite," Shinji agreed. "But in the end, nobody wanted to have anything to do with me, so I just... accepted it, eventually."
Asuka nodded. "Knowing that one will be alone. Accepting it." There was a long silence now. There was still one thing on Asuka's mind. She did not know where it had come from, but... after that talk she felt safe bringing it up. Maybe Shinji would understand that as well: "Is that why you've been talking to Rei? Has she also lost her mother?"
Shinji looked thoughtful. "I... I have never heard her mention her mother. She is... yeah, she's strange. But... she listens. She may not always agree, but she also doesn't judge. With her... I think with her, she doesn't need to understand. It's enough that she listens. I think she genuinely just wants the best for people but can't express it."
Asuka scoffed. "Yeah, if that's her true nature, then she's very good at hiding it."
"Maybe... I'm not saying you have to tell her this," Shinji answered. "But maybe you could talk to her. I think she would listen to you as well."
"After what happened at her apartment? Fat chance," Asuka dismissed the idea.
Shinji smiled faintly. "She doesn't seem to mind. As I've said, she doesn't seem to judge."
"And you don't find that weird?" Asuka asked.
Shinji shrugged. "There is worse than 'weird'."
Annoyance began to rise in Asuka. "Why are we even talking about her right now?" Before Shinji could protest, she continued: "We find out how much we have in common, and you go on about Ms Bluehair."
To her surprise, Shinji smiled, as if amused. "You're right, of course. I... I'm not good at this, Soryu. But this talk... it went well. I suppose talking between us works as well."
"Asuka," she replied flatly.
"Huh?" Shinji made.
"I have not told you my entire damn life story so that you can still go on calling me 'Soryu'!" Asuka argued. "This Japanese custom is weird, anyway."
"Ah... okay," Shinji said uncertainly. "Asuka."
She worked her mouth. After that talk, seeing how Shinji did understand, she felt almost bad bringing it up, but it needed to be said. "And none of this..."
"Will ever be spoken of to anyone else," Shinji finished the sentence – surprisingly fast and surprisingly confidently.
Asuka nodded. Then she smiled. "It's odd. I wouldn't have thought...."
She was interrupted by two identical signals: The angel alarm from their phones.
Rei was in her seat inside her entry-plug. She looked entirely calm as she watched the flooded ruins of Shizuoka in front of her. She had a job to do, and she would do it. There was no question to it.
However, she was aware that this would be her first actual combat engagement, the first engagement where she was expected to actually fight the enemy instead of just holding a shield, and on top of that her first engagement in EVA-01. It was only the second time she had been inside that unit, and yet already the first time she would have to take it to battle.
Ikari had not even seen it before his first fight.
She did not know what exactly had happened to him inside EVA-00, but it seemed to have incapacitated him in regards to piloting his unit. Apparently, neither the Commander nor Dr Akagi knew how this could have come about, but then EVA technology was far from mature. Accidents like this were to be expected.
And yet, she felt concerned about the incident. It had not been a simple accident. There had been no mechanical or electronic failure. The EVA had gone berserk. The me inside the Evangelion has acted. Am this version of me at fault for what has happened?
Maybe that explained the feeling of gratitude she was experiencing right now. It was an irrational feeling: She would be deployed as necessity dictated, regardless of other concerns. But she was glad that she could make up for whatever had happened to Ikari by now taking over his role. Besides, it felt nice synching with Unit 01. There was no struggle involved, nothing resisting her control over the machine. Nothing that just wanted to end it all.
"EVA-01, EVA-02, are you reading this?" Captain Katsuragi's voice sounded over the communication system.
"Yes," Rei merely responded.
"Yes, yes," Soryu said. "I think the comm system is the one thing that has never failed."
"Right," Katsuragi stated. "Fortunately we got sufficient warning from the Maritime Forces, allowing us to make a stand right here, at the coast. Maybe this time, we can even avoid damage to Tokyo-3."
"What good is a fortress city if we don't even use it in a fight?" Soryu complained.
"The last angel shot down anything it perceived as a threat," Katsuragi explained. "Only a fraction of our defensive guns are still operational. The fortress wouldn't really help you anyway at the moment." Soryu scoffed at this, while Katsuragi continued: "We have no information about the capabilities of the enemy object, so be careful. Go in one at a time, while the other covers her. Take turns."
"That's what you call a fair fight?" Soryu questioned her. "Two against one?"
"I have no interest in giving a fair fight to angels," Katsuragi replied. She sounded unusually cold.
Rei saw Soryu shrugging on the comm screen. "Whatever. I'm sure I can demolish it by myself."
Rei really saw no point to all this unnecessary communication. Captain Katsuragi had little choice but to reply to Soryu's complaints, but Soryu seemed to be talking for the sake of talking. It was... inefficient. Superfluous. Loud. She concentrated on just looking straight ahead, scanning the sea for disturbances.
There was one.
Not too far off the coast, a huge mountain of water was forming, with the sea there being tossed into the air. Something was emerging, something big.
As the air cleared of the water again, Rei could see that the angel did not look very impressive compared to some of its predecessors. It had a very vaguely humanoid form, with two short legs, a torso that widened considerably up to the shoulders and two long arms that seemed to be perpetually outstretched. There was no head, just a visible core at the centre of the upper torso.
"Commence the attack!" Katsuragi ordered.
Immediately, Soryu set her unit in motion, grabbing the EVA-sized naginata that was among the weapons prepared at the beach. "I'll handle the angel!" she told Rei. "You cover me."
It did not make a difference to Rei. "Roger," she acknowledged.
She started firing at the angel. The pallet rifle had no effect on it, but then, that wasn't the point. The idea was to restrict its movement... at least, in theory. It was of course still possible that angels would simply move under fire without caring about it. However, the pallet rifle was the only EVA-scale method for cover fire NERV had.
Suddenly, Soryu declared: "Charge!" and began jumping from rooftop to rooftop. It was actually a clever idea. Rei realized that at once, even as she was still aiming at the angel, though she doubted it would have come to her as easily: By jumping, EVA-02 avoided losing any speed or momentum due to being stuck in water.
In less than ten seconds Soryu was at the angel... no, above the angel. EVA-02 soared high into the air, the naginata raised far above its head...and then it struck. That one single strike cleanly cut the entire angel in half, top to bottom.
Rei would not have judged that possible, but showed no signs of surprise. What happened, happened.
"What do you think of that, First Child?" Soryu taunted her. "A fight should be clean, elegant and without waste."
"I agree," Rei merely replied. It was true.
Soryu did not get a chance to further the conversation. Suddenly, the flesh of the cloven angel quivered, and then burst – revealing what looked like two smaller versions of its original form, one orange, one white. Since EVA-02's momentum had carried it behind the angel, its two successors now stood between the two Evangelion units.
Without further comment, Rei began firing again. What happened, happened.
Soryu, of course, showed her displeasure more openly. "Hey, that's cheating!"
As she was saying that, the two angels came charging, both right at Rei. The First Child dropped the pallet rifle, opened her Evangelion's shoulder pylons and drew her prog-knife. She had trained for EVA-scale close combat extensively, but only in simulations. She knew she had to do her job, but there was this sliver of uncertainty she just could not fight down.
The first demi-angel, the white one, reached her, slamming its rigid arm against the suddenly flaring up AT-Field of EVA-01. Trusting in those magical octagons to handle the defence, Rei had her unit hold the prog-knife blade down, and began stabbing. However, the enemy's AT-Field held as well. And then its partner appeared, leaping over it. The orange enemy's AT-Field crushed right into EVA-01's, through it, and the angel struck right at the Unit's face. Pain vibrated through Rei and she could taste blood.
EVA-01 took some steps backwards, its left arm raised to block any further attacks. Angel swings hit empty air, until finally the two got moving again. Rei blocked the strike of the orange one, but the white one...
...was pushed aside as EVA-02 rammed directly into it, Soryu screaming as her unit did so. Then she swung her naginata to hit the other demi-angel.
Rei could have used her chance when the orange demi-angel now turned to now face Soryu, but she was too surprised to do so. As EVA-02 and Orange began facing each other, White quickly whirled around that skirmish to face EVA-01. Rei and her enemy both chopped at each other, both blocked by each other's AT-Field. Behind White's unshapely stature she could see Soryu struggling with her own enemy.
EVA-01 was more agile, more active, more aggressive all on its own, despite Rei's slightly lower synch-rate in it. On the other hand, she had the gut feeling the AT-Field was slightly weaker than EVA-00's. She strained herself trying to keep it as strong as possible. The air between her and the angel was filled with orange glowing geometric shapes.
There was a scream by Soryu in the comm system, and then Rei could hear a loud bang behind White. A moment later, White stumbled. Rei realized someone had struck against its leg. Soryu's naginata. With a reaction time she realized was too slow, she renewed her attacks. With two AT fields now eroding White's own, the demi-angel soon found itself the victim of several cuts and strikes. Finally, Rei managed to sink her prog-knife into its core. Silently, but with an angry grimace, she slid it down the core further and further. Finally, the demi-angel stopped moving.
By this time, Soryu had already turned around to face Orange again, who now was backing off again. Rei had EVA-01 run to that fight, into the shallow water, but it was unnecessary: Two short slashes by Soryu's naginata, and the core was shattered.
Rei stopped mid-way and silently breathed out in relief.
"How sporting of them to have given us a surprise challenge," Soryu joked smugly. "EVA-02 to Command: Mission co... Scheiße! Rei, behind you!"
Rei turned her Evangelion around to see the flesh of White quivering... its wounds closing and its core lighting up again. It leaped at EVA-01.
She heard a hissing sound coming from behind.... and then saw a spear hitting White right in the core. Not a spear. Soryu has thrown her naginata. How... she must have used her unit's AT field to stabilize its trajectory. Rei was genuinely impressed. She did not think she would have dared doing this. Loud and brash... but maybe 'brash' is not a bad thing...
"Grab it!" Soryu roared.
Rei did not understand. With an annoyed grunt, Soryu had her EVA run forwards, pushing Rei's unit out of the way, and rammed the naginata deep into White's core. When Rei had stabilized EVA-01 again, she could see Orange now running to them. She tried to counter-charge... but so did Soryu. The two Evangelions ran into each other. EVA-01 fell down into the shallow water, while EVA-02 stumbled. Soryu could barely parry Orange with her EVA's bare hands. By the time EVA-01 was up again, White was moving again.
From here on, the fight descended into utter chaos.
"Cover my flank, Rei!"
"I need your assistance, Soryu."
"Out of the way!"
"Careful, Soryu."
"We should..."
"This is inadvisable."
The bickering even went on once both Evangelions had been immobilized.
Kaji smirked.
That was expected of him, just as much as the beard stubble or the unkempt hair. He was the always smirking rogue. That could charm some people on the spot, while others, usually the sort of stiffy, serious people in important positions, would constantly underestimate him. After all, he was just the slightly bedraggled guardian of the Second Child, right? Certainly not someone who would steal Adam from under SEELE's collective nose.
So he smirked even in the most serious or uncomfortable situations. Like right now. The First and Second Children had been ordered to this small room, to see the results of their catastrophic failure in the fight, carefully watched by Vice Commander Fuyutsuki. Commander Ikari could not be bothered to care about such petty nonsense. As always, Rei showed no emotional reactions, but Asuka looked uncomfortable.
And truth be told, Kaji felt the same way. Not that he would shun Ikari and Fuyutsuki, quite the contrary: The only way to gain that information that he sought so desperately was through contact with such people. But whenever he was near them, he was cautious. He had spent the past week scanning NERV networks for information regarding EVA-01 and Yui Ikari. What Asuka had told him was interesting.
It was possible Shinji had made the stuff up; that boys with low self-esteem would tell lies to make themselves more important was not entirely infeasible. However, Yui Ikari's official date of death was only two days after the official date for the first activation of EVA-01. And most people who had been part of that test had been reassigned all over the globe. A disproportionate amount of them had died, most prominently Naoko Akagi, the mother of his old friend Ritsuko.
He had always known that there was a deep and dark secret in NERV, but he would never have guessed that it would be something so personal. Both Ikari and Fuyutsuki had been at that test as well, and yet both were still here, alive and at the very top. Kaji would have to be damn careful in dealing with them.
His smirk widened miniscully. He would need to make friends among NERV's officers, and he already knew just how to start. Business and pleasure, all at once. Just what a charming rogue would do. But for now he would have to listen to the pilots getting scolded for their failure. Just what NERV would do. First recruit children as soldiers, and then getting all upset when they act like children on the battlefield. Just keep smiling, Kaji...
A movie was running on a screen in front of them all, showing images of EVA-02 half drilled into the ground and EVA-01 half-drowned in the sea. A narrator commented: "Today, at 11:04:18, EVA-01 lost its final engagement with Target Alpha after an especially powerful flare of the target's AT field. EVA-01 was displaced 2.2km from Target Alpha, in Suruga Bay. At the same time plus 20 seconds, a similar powerful AT field spike from Target Beta overcame EVA-02. EVA-02 ended up 1.7km inland. We have a comment from the head of Project E: 'This is pathetic.' "
Kaji suppressed a sigh and kept smirking. Ritsu, when did you become so harsh?
Asuka stood up from her seat and looked to Rei. "This is all your fault! You totally screwed up the fight!"
Rei did not react.
While Asuka was still standing and glaring at Rei, the movie went on: "At 11:20, NERV abandoned the operation and yielded command to the UN Secondary Force."
"We have been humiliated," Fuyutsuki growled.
"At 11:23, UN forces attacked with an N2 mine," the movie narration continued, while showing a map of the region – a large semi-circle of what was formerly land would now be part of the sea. "They succeeded in burning off 28% of the target's structural substance."
"We were both unsuccessful," Rei calmly remarked to Asuka.
"How can you just sit there and say that?" Asuka angrily demanded to know. "No wonder that went poorly! I have to fight besides a so-called pilot with such an attitude."
"You charged blindly ahead," Rei continued just as calmly.
"And you just stood there and did nothing!" Asuka shot back. "With the reaction times of a post-communist Russian government office!"
"Enough of that!" Fuyutsuki cut in. "We can't allow this childish bickering! Look at what sort of joke you made out of NERV." The screen showed pictures of the salvage operations for EVA-01 and EVA-02. "The conventional forces have just been waiting for this opportunity. Their N2 mine gives us a reprieve – Dr Akagi estimates about seven to eight days. But..."
Misato coughed to gain attention. "Sir, if I may." She walked over to him and began to speak quietly to the Vice Commander.
Truth be told, Kaji was a bit surprised to see her here. This did not concern Shinji, and gods knew she would have enough paperwork to fill out after a disaster like this. But for some reason she had taken the time for this. It would make things easier for him.
Fuyutuski still looked unhappy, but said nothing. Finally he nodded and stood up. "Very well then, Captain. I leave this in your hands. Do not screw up again." With that he left the room... practically stomped out of it.
Misato stood there with closed eyes and rubbed her nasal bridge. "Very well," she finally said and turned around to face the pilots. "You heard the Vice Commander. We have seven days to come up with a tactic. The problem seems to be that as long as one of the two sub-units is active, the other can start regenerating. The two cores must be destroyed at exactly the same time... if Ritsuko is to believed, with a failure tolerance of only 0.18 to 1.12 seconds. If you have any ideas on how you will achieve this, I'm listening."
"I could do it!" Asuka claimed. "It's her that's the problem! You have seen how slow she's always been to react! Can't Shinji pilot EVA-01?"
Misato sighed. "It's possible that by next week he can pilot again; we still don't know what the matter with him is. But we can't exactly build on that possibility. And as good as you are, Asuka, I doubt you can kill two targets at once. It seems you two will have to cooperate."
"Cooperate?" Asuka echoed angrily. "That's not an option! I would have to lower my standards so much that..."
Now Kaji coughed to gain everyone's attention. "I think I have an idea, but I'd like to talk about it with Misato first." He smiled his best 'cunning rogue' smile. "Who knows, maybe it's completely idiotic. So, would you two go outside and wait for us? And please, without killing or seriously hurting each other."
For a moment Kaji considered if such a remark to the First Child had been wise. By all accounts, Rei could be very literal-minded. She might take it as permission to cause minor injuries. He dismissed that thought.
When the two were outside, Misato looked at Kaji with a raised eyebrow. "So, what is this all about?"
"Why so standoffish?" Kaji asked. "You work too hard, Misato. Too much stress."
"And this incident will just contribute to it," she commented, annoyed. "So how do you want to help in that?"
Kaji smiled in response. "What did you tell the Vice-Commander?"
Misato made a dismissive hand gesture. "I told him his attitude towards the pilots is unhelpful. And it is. We exist to defeat the angels. Whether we make a joke out of ourselves in the process... who cares. Defeating the angels is the only thing that can justify getting those kids into the giant, pain-transmitting robots. Interservice rivalry should not be their concern."
Kaji nodded appreciatively. "And you confronted a direct superior over that? I'm honestly impressed, Misato."
She glared at him. "That's all your fault you know. If you hadn't pointed this out to me..." She sighed. "But it's probably for the better."
"Fuyutsuki is an old man, you know," Kaji pointed out. "Our generation... we experienced Second Impact when we were young. It shaped us. Made us pragmatic. We never had the luxury to care about 'saving face'. And Commander Ikari only cares about whether an operation is ultimately successful or not. But Fuyutsuki is of an earlier generation. He grew up with the notion of always saving face, especially to outsiders. It's not NERV policy, just his personality."
Misato sighed again. "Let's hope so. So, your plan?"
"Under current conditions, Rei and Asuka will not be able to cooperate within a week," Kaji stated bluntly. "We need to change the conditions."
Misato placed her arms on her sides. "I'm listening."
"There are several apartments in your bloc that are empty, aren't there?" Kaji asked, as if he were changing the topic.
"What does that... yes," Misato confirmed.
"And NERV could requisition one on short notice," Kaji continued. "So, for the week, that is where Asuka and Rei will move. Under your supervision."
"What?" Misato exclaimed "Asuka..."
Kaji shrugged. "...is currently still living in a hotel. And Rei... have you ever been to her residence?" Misato shook her head. "I have no idea why the Commander lets one of his pilots live in such a dump. Getting her out of there even temporarily will be an improvement."
Kaji's eternal grin was now matched in his thoughts. Oh sure, he was just pushing his slightly crazy idea. He would not interfere in Ikari's plan for Rei, oh no, Commander, sir. It's just for the mission, you see?
He had actually been pretty shocked by Rei's living conditions. Oh sure, he had had worse, but that had been right after Second Impact, when Japanese society had basically completely collapsed outside the armed forces and the Tokyo-2 construction project. And there were more than enough vacant apartments in Tokyo-3 that Rei's place of residence probably served another reason. But what reason? Why does Ikari stick her inside there?
His talk with Rei had been just a masquerade, basically. Just the sort of superficial questions an UN inspector was supposed to ask. He had really been primarily there to check on how that most enigmatic of pilots lived, and secondarily to stir up the hornet's nest – to see how NERV would react.
"I suppose...." Misato answered uncertainly, "but what does that have to do with the double-bodied angel just some dozen kilometres away?"
Kaji got a data disk out of his shirt pocket and smiled again. "I have a training program for them."
So, the talk the A/S faction has been waiting for
And yes, @Matt R totally stole the script It is in fact Israfel, and now Asuka and Rei need to train together, because of course they do. All connections are slowly closing... So next in-universe week will be critical, obviously, and I have used up my writing buffer. So it may be that the next update will take longer than usual. Of course this in-universe week has been critical, too - from Monday to Sunday, every day had at least one scene. And now things are happening even more rapidly...
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