I was talking about RWBY's Maidens since there are only 4 to Creation's 5, but boy oh boy if that isn't a teaser...
Miracles of Ancient Wonder [RWBY/Exalted]
- Thread starter Graveless
- Start date
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- Tags
- exalted (white wolf) rwby
RocjawCypher
The Chivalrous Coder
I really like this! It's a great premise and super fun execution. Keep it up!
Currently a run-on. It can be fixed by replacing the comma with a period, or replacing the 'and' with 'as she' or something similar.
The last portion of the sentence is a little awkward. Without the prepositional phrases, marked in parentheses, the sentence reads as 'She glanced and.' The simplest fix would be to get rid of the 'and', and put commas after 'sister' and 'back'.
your
This is the only place in that paragraph where Ruby is the subject of the pronoun instead of Yang. It's not wrong, but it's slightly confusing since it comes out of nowhere.
Should be a period.
Same thing.
Needs a comma after 'lowered'.
I get what you're trying to do at the first comma. Yang begins to speak, pauses, fidgets, then continues. The comma is supposed to connect the first set of quotes to the second. However, "She bit her lip" begins a new sentence and doesn't describe how Yang was speaking in the previous section. I'd recommend using an ellipsis for the same effect.
If Yang hissing doesn't describe how she says "You'll be fine," then the second comma should be a period. If it does, the sentence is grammatically correct, but confusing with the order of events.
Since this is happening a lot, here's a couple links to quotation mark rules: grammarbook, Purdue Owl. From here on, I'll ignore this type of error.
Currently a run-on. You can change the comma to a period, or you can change the verb tense. sat -> sitting and tried -> trying.
your
they'd have or they would've
she'd or she had
Semicolon or period
night,
That took longer than expected. I'd hoped to get through all four chapters tonight. I'll continue when I have the time.
Great start, by the way. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
- Location
- NOVA
Thank you!
When to semi-colon has always been something I haven't been great at and English 101 was a long time ago. I've also tried to fix the commas in the later ones.
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Funny you should mention semicolons...
Not particularly wrong, but it doesn't convey Ruby's excitement as well as it could. With just a slight change in punctuation, it can have a lot more impact.
"Ohh, sis. Look at him!"
As written, the semicolon should be a comma. Semicolons either function by themselves or are paired with a conjunctive adverb. The distinction is subtle, but 'though' is a conjunction instead. Also, a conjunctive adverb would need to be followed by a comma. Here are some sources for semicolons and conjunctive adverbs: Purdue Owl, Grammar Bytes!, ndsu.
More importantly, this sentence should be revised to improve flow. Currently, it is structured (simple independent clause) [(complex dependent clause) (complex independent clause)] and breaks thirty words conveying a relatively simple idea. The underlined portion can be cut down to "kept calling" without losing much meaning, and could be revised in other ways to keep the flavor.
Oh, and comma to period at the end. You know the drill.
look -> took
was held -> was being held
If the parts in parentheses are taken out, the sentence reads "She and freeze."
comma -> semicolon
Same thing
up in the movement
aahed.
Without the sections in parentheses, it reads "She and black hair..." Also, there needs to be a transition between Ruby describing the weapon and the person attached to it. Right now, it sounds like the weapon is pale, has yellow eyes, and has black hair.
an old man
hers
The commas should be semicolons as written, which then clash with the list semicolons. I like how the list demonstrates the way she's evaluating each person at a glance. Maybe parentheses around the weapons instead?
"There was a girl hugging her dad (basic shot-spear), ..."
I don't have work tomorrow, so I'll get through 1.3 and 1.4 soon.
Baughn
Healing-type writer
- Location
- Dublin
Things I noticed, which make me worry:
- Normally, a young Sidereal will be contacted by the others at an early age; even before they exalt, as it's fated. The only exceptions would be if another Exalt breaks fate by killing the previous holder of that particular shard before their time, but even then I'd expect them to have found her by now. Possibilities: There may not be an organised group of Sidereals to do so... or there is, and Ozpin is one of them.
- Weiss remembered Ruby. Not only did she remember, but she remembered easily. Instantly. Without the slightest hint of confusion. Being a Celestial isn't the only way for someone to do that, but it's certainly the easiest. If she's an exalt herself, then chances are she's a Lunar or Solar, and my guess would be Lunar. Not for any strong reason, it just seems fitting somehow.
Either way, Ruby might find herself torn between duty and friendship at a future point. That would be good writing, but I'm scared of it happening.
- Normally, a young Sidereal will be contacted by the others at an early age; even before they exalt, as it's fated. The only exceptions would be if another Exalt breaks fate by killing the previous holder of that particular shard before their time, but even then I'd expect them to have found her by now. Possibilities: There may not be an organised group of Sidereals to do so... or there is, and Ozpin is one of them.
- Weiss remembered Ruby. Not only did she remember, but she remembered easily. Instantly. Without the slightest hint of confusion. Being a Celestial isn't the only way for someone to do that, but it's certainly the easiest. If she's an exalt herself, then chances are she's a Lunar or Solar, and my guess would be Lunar. Not for any strong reason, it just seems fitting somehow.
Either way, Ruby might find herself torn between duty and friendship at a future point. That would be good writing, but I'm scared of it happening.
Just for reference that exception happens a significant fraction of the time, and anything outside of fate killing a Sidereal can trigger it. Those things include the most common causes of deaths for Sidereals so it is fairly common.
- Location
- NOVA
Thank you again! Most of those are now in place.
This part I think can mostly be blamed on training. I was taught to form complex lists like this for technical papers. I might not be the most appropriate form to use for creative writing, but I couldn't figure out a better way to convey the thought besides splitting each into its own sentence.
APA Style Guide for complex lists
Edit: Though now that I've looked at it more, I can see the problem. Changing word choice should clear that up, but it's a bit too late to think about which words to use now.
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That would probably be better than the parentheses thing. Now that I've given it more thought, it would just look awkward. Here's 1.3.
talking;
girl,
But
show,
it to
Ruby,
apprentice,
you fight or you're fighting
bothered
It's not a grammatical error, but using "was supposed" back to back is a bit jarring. One or the other should be revised.
try.
Beacon,
it,
Thankfully,
worry! or worry.
Pyrrha.
Three problems in this paragraph.
music that: the prepositional phrase doesn't need a comma.
Too much was: The first two (that was, Her's was) seem to be standalone usages, and the last three (was no, was no, was just) seem to be intentional repetition. Currently, the first set is disrupting the repetition of the second set, so either set should be revised.
Underlined verbs: All three refer to the ritual Pyrrha just completed. "she'd just experienced" and "she'd expected" are in the past perfect tense, but "was" is simple past tense. This "was" should be changed to "had been" to maintain consistency.
Aura,
auditorium,
shocked but had
and, more importantly,
This sentence is a bit convoluted, so I broke it into four parts. The first part describes how Ruby's emotional state is similar to how it was at the end of the previous section. The second part describes how it has changed since the previous section. The third part provides a symptom of the change. The fourth part provides a reason for the change. The first two parts fit together naturally. The last two parts fit together sufficiently. But, the way the last three parts share an implied "she" suggests that they are all part of a list, which falls apart since they each have different purposes. I'd suggest splitting this into two sentences, with the second sentence being "She was walking normally and, more importantly, hearing normally."
"and" is the wrong word for this situation; it feels like it's connecting waiting and move, when waiting is meant to connect to watching. I'd suggest using "while" instead. The second half is a bit funky, but I can accept it as Ruby not thinking with grammatical correctness.
didn't,
There's no dependent clause in the second sentence, and the second sentence doesn't function well as a dependent clause of the first. I think it would work better if you started the sentence with a prepositional phrase like "In the meantime,"
seriously,
The "If" doesn't connect with anything in the second sentence, but the clause it's in can connect to the first. So, "connection if ... in."
"Though" doesn't seem to connect to anything in particular. I'd recommend dropping it.
response
moments,
absent-mindedly
left,
Also, I find it hilarious that Ruby is freaking out over her ability to hear Aura, but hasn't given her ability to influence others' decisions a second thought. It's so convenient.
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Baughn
Healing-type writer
- Location
- Dublin
She's also worrying about possibly being a Solar or Lunar, and evaluating everything she does in that light. She isn't, of course, but influencing other people's actions is probably the greatest Solar trick, and it didn't seem to worry her.
Maybe that information isn't public?
- Location
- NOVA
There's a lot going on regarding why that one freaked her out more. Part of it is the convenience of the former. Another part is what signs she knows to look for along with her ability to recognize them.
Also, as Sidereal charms from different trees, they feel distinctly different from each other internally. One gives a gut feeling that you can respond to; while the other involves suddenly hearing a part of the world you never could before, but that you knew existed.
In other news, everything is looking good for an update tomorrow. I just need to figure out how to fight scene for the following one.
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Walker of the Yellow Path
Ho There!
- Location
- The Land of Memes
I'm really enjoying this. I've honestly never considered Ruby as a Chosen of Battles, but it actually seems pretty fitting now that I think of it.
Weiss always struck me as an Air Aspect, what with the ice theme and her connection to wealthy (Dragon-Blooded generally do try to make magic Dynasties, and migrate to the upper rungs, so it wouldn't surprise me), and she probably has high Willpower and Integrity (both of which are essential for running a business) that allows her to easily shrug off Arcane Fate.
Also, I'm getting this worried feeling from Yang that she might be a Solar, due to a lot of small things that I can't quite articulate right now. One of them is the fact that she seemed to have no trouble remembering Ruby, despite Arcane Fate, which just screams Exalt to me.
Weiss always struck me as an Air Aspect, what with the ice theme and her connection to wealthy (Dragon-Blooded generally do try to make magic Dynasties, and migrate to the upper rungs, so it wouldn't surprise me), and she probably has high Willpower and Integrity (both of which are essential for running a business) that allows her to easily shrug off Arcane Fate.
Also, I'm getting this worried feeling from Yang that she might be a Solar, due to a lot of small things that I can't quite articulate right now. One of them is the fact that she seemed to have no trouble remembering Ruby, despite Arcane Fate, which just screams Exalt to me.
ecs05norway
Zenryoku Zenkai!
I have this crazy idea that Remnant is not, in fact, The Realm and its appendages, recast with Aura users replacing Exalts.
No, this is something more amusing.
Remnant is a fragment of Creation, ripped asunder from the Realm at some point between the start of the Usurpation and the finale of the Contagion. It is adrift in the Wyld, a simple remnant of what once was.
The reason there are no Sidereals coming to help Ruby?
They're all busy dealing with the ongoing rise of the Solar return to the Realm.
They may not even be aware that Remnant exists. It may be Beyond Fate.
There may well be a few Solars about, and the Faunus may well be descendants of long-gone Lunars...
And the Grimm?
Adrift in the Wyld, remember. The story of a Remnant of Creation, Under Siege, would be a wonderful tale for those who thrive on such things....
No, this is something more amusing.
Remnant is a fragment of Creation, ripped asunder from the Realm at some point between the start of the Usurpation and the finale of the Contagion. It is adrift in the Wyld, a simple remnant of what once was.
The reason there are no Sidereals coming to help Ruby?
They're all busy dealing with the ongoing rise of the Solar return to the Realm.
They may not even be aware that Remnant exists. It may be Beyond Fate.
There may well be a few Solars about, and the Faunus may well be descendants of long-gone Lunars...
And the Grimm?
Adrift in the Wyld, remember. The story of a Remnant of Creation, Under Siege, would be a wonderful tale for those who thrive on such things....
List of (adverb), (adverb), and (verb).
him;
pair,
ever,
Without the sections in parentheses, the sentence reads "She looked and."
this. They
better for them to hate
often,
done,
sister;
Thankfully,
nearby,
cutting,
It's difficult to keep track of whether the first or second person in heels is being referred to in each sentence. "Both of them" comes out of nowhere and only makes sense in the context of the previous paragraph. Between the introductions of the first and second persons in heels, Jaune is introduced and discussed, further confusing the issue.
pause,
Ruby,
did,
Pick one unless Weiss is supposed to be that possessive.
ridi-
later,
target, the: the second half is a fragment.
foot.
Verb tense changes from simple past to present progressive midsentence.
leaned
side
Then,
her
later,
day;
Book 1 Chapter 1.5
- Location
- NOVA
Miracles of Ancient Wonder
~
Chapter 1.5
~~~
~
Chapter 1.5
~~~
Ruby heard the howls and started counting. Way more Beowolves would be on them soon and several Ursai as well. The bear Grimm's lower growls were hard to pick out, but distinctive if you knew what to listen for.
She wasn't even winded after her run, but Weiss wasn't doing as good. They needed a plan, a way to stop themselves from getting too tired and fight off whatever monster caused that earthquake. It would be coming for them soon enough; with this many other Grimm around, it had to be.
Six Hunters in training, two of whom were tired. That was all Ruby had to work with. She looked over their weapons and the ruins. A semblance of a plan formed. They could do this, it would be tough and have a very porous wall, but they could manage it if her ideas were right.
She turned to the two who just arrived, the girl with the fancy warhammer-launcher from before and the calm boy whose weapons she hadn't seen yet. Ruby waved at them. "Hey, umm, do you have any explosives left?"
The girl quirked her head to the side for a moment, then grinned maniacally. "Do I ever?! Do you wanna see?"
The boy sighed, but didn't say anything.
Ruby shook her head quickly. "Not right now, but…" She looked each of them over once more. "I have a plan to get us through this and they'll be very important soon."
Weiss rolled her eyes. "What is it this time? More running around?"
"Nope." Ruby waved at the circular ruin. "We have a perfect defensive position. Well... semi-perfect. The wall will be a little weak with just three, but-"
A piercing scream distracted her. Jaune was flying towards them from just above the tree line. He flailed wildly as he fell, slamming face first into a tree. Ruby winced, him and plants didn't seem to get along very well.
Now she had seven Hunters in training, or maybe just six and Jaune. But, he could still help. "Yang, could you go get Jaune?"
"Sure." Yang saluted and ran off.
"We've got a good defensive position, but we need to keep it." She pointed at Blake and the two newcomers in succession. "Can any of your jump into a horde, take out an Ursa by yourself, and get back without support?"
Blake nodded, the other girl wiggled her hand back and forth, and the boy shook his head. Ruby knew that either she or Yang could handle it too, but they were also much better suited to be on the defensive line. Warhammer girl could also be good there; however her grenades would be much more effective if she had a high vantage point.
Yang returned with Jaune over her shoulder. His head was spinning slightly while he mumbled, "I'm ok."
Ruby ran up to him and yelled when he was put down, "Jaune, snap out of it we need you!"
Jaune blinked a few times and grinned. He leaned over and dropped his voice low enough that it just sounded weird, "Why hello there. A girl like you needs me?" Then it suddenly spiked back to normal. "Wait... How do you know my name?"
Weiss pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. Ruby just groaned. She didn't have the time to explain this right now. "I'll tell you later, but we have a horde of Grimm coming and-"
"Horde of…" Jaune paused before yelling, "Pyrrha! She's all alone with that scorpion. We have to help her!"
Ruby clapped her hands in front of his face. "Jaune focus, we can't help her if we get overrun."
When he nodded, she turned back to the crowd. "Ok so, like I was saying. We have a good position here."
She traced the front of the ruin with a finger. "Weiss, Yang, Jaune, and I will form an arc here and stop them from getting across. Weiss and Jaune, you have the sides. Use the wall to keep them off you."
She pointed to the top of the wall next. "Blake and…"
Ruby paused, looking at the other two.
The boy nodded. "Ren."
The girl thrust an arm into the air. "Nora!"
"Right." Ruby continued, "Blake, Ren, and Nora will be up top. Nora, you focus on hitting clustered groups. Ren, cover Nora, Jaune, and Weiss. Blake, take out targets of opportunity and any Ursa. You three also need to keep them from hitting our backs if any get through."
Ruby turned around and waved a hand to the side. Her cape fluttered in the breeze as rose petals flew towards the group.
"Any questions?" Ruby knew there would be, but they did have time. So she tried something before they could respond.
She was up very late last night thinking about Pyrrha's ritual and the sounds she heard. Not the ones from Pyrrha, instead the strings in the sky that responded to the ritual. They resonated in a way that bound Pyrrha and Jaune together. For a while the two were in sync, even if they eventually separated. What would happen in all of them were bound like that, even if it wasn't as complete?
When she summoned the rose petals, her fingers also strummed the invisible strings of the world. One petal landed on the forehead of each person, before disintegrating into a cloud of red dust. They shook their heads in sync, no questions.
Ruby turned back to the forest and unfolded Crescent Rose. "Get ready."
~~~
This was nothing like grandpa's stories.
Jaune thrust his sword forward, clipping a Beowolf's shoulder and forcing it back. He raised his shield just in time to block a swipe from one of the others, then stepped forward to thrust again. This one's mask deflected the attack, but the monster backed away.
They were surrounded by endless sea of black fur, white masks, and red eyes. Ok maybe it wasn't really endless, but it felt like that. He didn't know how many the others had killed so far, but he only had one to his name. One out of who knew how many.
The cute girl in red had cut off its left arm. He caught it in the mouth when it fell over. It was more an accident than anything else, but it still counted! Maybe he'd get another before this was over. One that was his and his alone, something he could really be proud of.
He and Pyrrha hadn't found any of these things in the forest; even though they did hear the shots and explosions from everyone else fighting. Then they went into that stupid cave and found the giant scorpion. He should've known better, been smarter. Instead he got flug so high he flew over top of the trees. Now she was fighting it all alone.
A pink explosion blasted two Beowolves away from him. He bashed a third in the face with his shield, driving it back as well. They snarled and clawed at the ground; in response, he raised his sword above his head and waited. There were too many for him to go out by himself.
Ren and Nora had saved him a few times already, stepping in when the swarm got too close and it looked like one might slip through. Blake also threw some shots his way on occasion, but she mostly leapt from pillar to pillar, focusing on the ones on the outside. She'd jump down, erupt into a wave of blades and silhouettes, then retreat back to safety while her shadowy copies distracted the Grimm.
A second grenade from Nora cleared the rest, which gave him some time to catch his breath. Jaune glanced back to check on the others on the ground.
The red girl had a pile of mangled bodies at her feet. The corpses were being torn to shreds as the other Beowolves rushed over their fallen. Jaune couldn't keep up with her scythe, it was just a blur surrounding her. One sweep and she took out multiple limbs, a second and they all fell to the ground. The third started the process all over again. He didn't know how she kept her balance swinging that huge thing around without pausing.
Yang had a few piles too, but hers were further away. She launched them back with each punch, using the corpses as weapons to bowl others over. It didn't matter which part she hit, they went flying no matter what. When enough got stuck together, she'd shoot one of her missiles at them and finish the whole group at once.
He couldn't see the white-haired angel from the previous day without leaving his back exposed, but he was sure she'd gotten more than the others combined. The one time he looked at her, there was a huge wall of ice spikes that funneled them onto her blade. The constant flashes of fire also had to be powerful, destroying the Grimm left and right.
Fire, it made him think of yesterday morning again. About how Pyrrha and… and the other girl who was there... were talking about weapons. His sword still felt hot in his hand and could he ever use something awesome. His family's legacy was crying out to be used, to cut down the forces of darkness surrounding him!
Jaune turned back to the Grimm and stepped forward. He threw all of his weight into one slash, aiming right for the beast's face. The Beowolf twisted its head to the side, past the point where any animal should be able to, and snapped its teeth down, catching the blade between them. The monster growled and pulled. Jaune was yanked even further out of formation. "Aww crap."
It snapped its head back to normal, bringing him to his knees in the process. Jaune raised his shield against the blow he knew was coming and barely avoided hitting his head with the top of his shield when it slammed down over and over. Claws raked his exposed sword arm, but he held onto the handle for dear life.
Several shots from Ren hit the monster with his sword and made it let go. He swung with all of his might to the left and stopped with his blade halfway through the other one's torso.
He pulled it back just in time to block a swipe from another Beowolf. It followed up with a series of wild slashes knocked his shield out of the way. He swung wildly at its face, but it just jumped out of the way.
"Jaune down!" The girl in red yelled and turned her scythe towards him, holding it behind her back. She looked his way with a sideways glance and fired a single shot. Jaune got down just in time to feel the whip of the bullet above his head. It was more a reflex than a conscious thought.
Without missing a beat she was moving again, cutting down more. He glanced left, a Beowolf had climbed onto the wall and would've chomped on his head if she didn't get it. That was a punch to the gut. He couldn't kill them and keep himself safe, only rely on everyone else to cover for his mistakes.
Jaune brought his shield up again and got ready. If he couldn't fight back, he'd at least not fail more. All he needed to do was keep them back, he didn't need to kill any himself. Just delay them enough for someone else to handle it.
He swung his sword in a wide arc, forcing more of them over to the red girl's scythe. Now if only he could remember who she was.
~~~
Ruby stepped over the pile in front of her. They'd done it, there weren't many Beowolves left and no one had gotten seriously injured. She could handle these by herself, but they didn't have the time to chase all of them down.
She'd noticed the trees surrounding them shifting during the fight and heard the clanks of bone on metal. Pyrrha had been fighting a huge monster while they cleared the horde away. She ran it in circles around the ruin and probably saved all of their lives.
Now that the fighting had died down, they were getting closer. Ruby reached into her pouch for another magazine and came up empty. Her first idea wouldn't work anymore; Time for Plan B. She cleaved through another Beowolf and turned to her team. Most of them weren't doing so good.
Weiss ran out of Fire Dust toward the end of the fight; Yang took enough hits that flames were flickering in her hair; Ren and Jaune barely seemed to be on their feet; Nora was also out of ammo; and she had no idea what was going on with Blake, who was fighting very carefully now. She didn't use her Semblance at all for the last Ursa and was just shooting the Beowolves, rather than jumping down from her perch.
She looked at Yang. Her sister was still catching her breath, eyes bright red. Yang looked up, smiled, and started running towards the noise.
"Ok team, we got through it." Ruby spun around and lashed out with Crescent Rose, finishing the Beowolf that tried to sneak up on her. "We have one really big target left, then we're home free."
"Nora, Ren, and Jaune. Finish off the Beowolves and keep them from following us." She swiped at another one, but it jumped back in the nick of time. "Blake, you're with me and Yang. Weiss, do you have a few more glyphs in you?"
Weiss nodded after taking a breath. "Of course."
"Ok, watch our backs and be ready when I call you."
"You trust me to keep watch?" Weiss raised an eyebrow.
"Yuh huh." Ruby nodded and smiled.
Weiss blinked a few times in response, a little stunned, but she still stepped forward. "Ok, fine."
With one last glance at the others, Ruby dashed after Yang. She could've gotten there faster with her Semblance, but didn't use it. She needed both Blake and Weiss to make this work.
Jaune said the Grimm was a giant scorpion and he was right, but Ruby didn't expect just how big it was. It towered over them and its stinger was almost as tall as her. Yang and Pyrrha were right in front of it.
Pyrrha's entire body heaved with each breath, but she stayed in the fight. She kept close to Yang and blocked any strikes that came in; which let Yang to focus on offense. The blond darted forward, popped it in the eyes, and hopped back. She couldn't commit to anything harder without giving the Grimm an opportunity to sting her.
It didn't seem like any real damage had been done to it.
Ruby fired a shot at it to signal their arrival. The bullet deflected off of its back, but she never expected to hurt it like that. Pyrrha and Yang glanced back at exactly the wrong time.
The Deathstalker slammed its claw down on them, blasting a cloud of dust into the air. Pyrrha flew out of it and dropped her spear when she tumbled to a stop. Ruby shouted, "Yang no!"
She could hear it slam the ground again and again, completely obscuring both of them. The monster paused briefly before smaller, sharper blows sounded out. Those had to be the stinger. With each impact Ruby winced. Yang was tough, really tough, but even she had her limits.
"Weiss, wind!" Ruby yelled; Weiss moved sluggishly. She raised her rapier and shot a gust forward, but it was taking too long to reach them. Ruby grit her teeth while she waited for the dust to clear, fearing the worst. The sharp blows kept ringing out in a steady pulse.
Those hits weren't the stinger.
Yang had stepped forward and wrapped her arm over the small part of one of the Deathstalker's claws. She forced its claw to the ground and held it there while she attacked. The ringing blows were her fist impacting its carapace, over and over. Each punch made the monster stumble and slide backward, staggering it despite all logic to the contrary. Yang kept pace, stepping up to maintain the assault. Each footfall kicked up more dust, but not enough to cover them again.
Her hair burned with golden flames, brighter than any Ruby had seen before. Yang was going all out, spending everything she'd saved up in the previous fight. Each punch was wreathed in fire and the glow surged with power whenever the monster tried to lift its claw. She was going to burn out fast.
Weiss and Blake had stopped running. Pyrrha froze, halfway to standing. Ruby felt a chill run down her spine. Golden flames and incredible strength, that was what they saw.
"Don't worry. That's just her Semblance! She's fine!" She yelled. Three pairs of accusatory eyes turned towards her. The world slowed, the pressure built, Ruby pushed against it with all of her might. Yang's good!
Blake turned back towards the fight immediately. Weiss took slightly longer, but they both were back on track.
Pyrrha was slower. She took her time standing and kept her gaze locked until Ruby broke it. She didn't have time to spend convincing Pyrrha right now.
"Blake, get in there and trap its tail." Ruby ran over to Pyrrha's fallen spear, picked it up, and tossed it to its owner. Pyrrha caught it and finally got back in the game. "Pyrrha, Weiss. Freeze the other claw, then help Blake."
They all moved while Ruby dashed to the side and got in position. Deathstalkers were known for their thick carapaces and this one was huge. She'd need every bit of speed she could get if she wanted to make this work.
While she ran the others were busy. Blake batted at the stinger a few times to make the Grimm respond and looped her dagger around it when it missed her. She slid underneath its belly and pulled the ribbon tight. She wasn't enough to get it completely out of the way, but she stopped it from being able to sting Yang.
Pyrrha taunted it into swiping at her as Weiss sent out a wave of ice, The other claw was stuck in place. Both joined Blake next and brought the tail down to the ground on one side. All three of them could only hold it for so long.
Yang continued pummeling its face, her glow rapidly fading.
"Weiss, springboard ten yards out, low angle," Ruby shouted and started her charge. She trusted Weiss to time it right and her partner didn't disappoint. She hit the glyphe moving as quickly as she could. At the last moment she pushed off with her Semblance, moving even faster thanks to Weiss's boost. As she lept Crescent Rose was pulled behind her by the force, but that was ok.
Ruby lined up her blow while she flew through the air. This was what her sweetheart was built for, one devastating hit that could finish any monster. She had four choices: the mouth, each of the two clusters of eyes, or the crack that Yang made. This was the only shot she had, she needed to pick the right one… Or did she?
She felt that pressure again, the world demanding a choice be made. She'd been pushing against that, making it her own choice. Why couldn't she do that here? Ruby focused on the possibilities. If she wanted to guarantee she made the right choice, all she needed to do was take all of them.
She saw the paths before her in her mind's eye and pushed herself towards each of them. Ruby split into four lethal bolts, each bringing the beak of her scythe into alignment with her target. Four blows struck as one, shattering the Deathstalker's carapace and embedding Crescent Rose deep within it. The force was enough to flip her over top of Crescent Rose. Each of her landed with her feet on her scythe's head, leaning on the shaft
Ruby let out a breath while her senses returned to normal. Seeing quadruple was weird.
The Deathstalker's tail twitched. She squeezed the trigger and fired her final round.
Ruby swung up, sending the hard shell flying into the air. One, two, three times she flipped, before landing in a crouch. Ruby stood up with Crescent Rose resting on her shoulders, smiling. When she saw the looks on her friends faces it shifted to be more of a nervous grin.
Why were they looking at her like that?
Yang spoke up first. Her sister's hair was back to normal and her eyes were violet. "Sis, your uhh, thingy's showing."
Yang tapped the center of her forehead. Ruby looked at what remained of Weiss's ice wall. The bright red symbol had appeared on her forehead again. A circle with an arrow coming out of it that only showed up when she used too much Aura at once.
"Umm, I can explain?"
~~~
Ruby collapsed onto her new bed.
She wasn't really tired, just mentally drained. Pyrrha had so many questions about both her and Yang's Semblances. Once she started, Weiss and Blake also had questions that Ruby didn't really know the answers to. Then Jaune, Ren, and Nora caught up and she had to start all over.
Why does that symbol appear? What does it mean? What's you real Semblance? Has Yang been tested?
They could only answer the last one of those well. It seemed like a rude question at first, but then she found out that Pyrrha and Weiss had it done to them too. Of course, both were just as close lipped about what happened.
The more she didn't hear about this test, the more worried Ruby got. What was done to them that was so bad and why would knowing about it make it worse? Everyone seemed like they were ok with it now, but she had no way to be sure.
She turned to the side and watched her new teammates getting ready to sleep. Weiss was playing with her scroll, Blake was reading a thick book, and Yang was already asleep. All of their luggage was stacked up against a wall. Ruby didn't know how all of it would fit in this tiny room, but that was a problem for the morning.
Ruby closed her eyes and listened to the world. She could hear it now, the energy she'd been searching for. The missing piece of the puzzle. The stars were alight with songs from all colors of the rainbow. The colors shifted as she changed her focus. In some places they would blend together and in others they'd fall away to just one, overwhelming melody.
It took a while, but she found the sound she was looking for. It was the one she used before, the one that had been there when Pyrrha unlocked Jaune's Aura. The song that was so similar to her own Aura.
Now that she could hear it clearly, she could pick out the differences as well.
It was a nice sound, exciting and soothing at the same time. It was like sitting near a blazing fire or watching her team in action. Listening to it brought visions of battle and heroism to her.
...
Ruby drifted off and dreamed of what could be.
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- Location
- Norfolk, England
Okay, I've been waffling on whether or not to make an account here, but that last update decided it for me.
Holy balls, that moment where Ruby takes all the choices. Is that a thing Sidereals do on a regular basis, because that is fucking awesome.
Holy balls, that moment where Ruby takes all the choices. Is that a thing Sidereals do on a regular basis, because that is fucking awesome.
ecs05norway
Zenryoku Zenkai!
Wow. This rocks. Are you on Patreon or something? 
Spectrum
Tell me a secret~
- Location
- Behind you~
Isn't it sad, Jaune? Ruby just stole the last bits of your protagonism.
Considering Sidereals are all about Fate shenanigans, that's distinctly possible.Isn't it sad, Jaune? Ruby just stole the last bits of your protagonism.
- Location
- NOVA
Most of them can do it on a pretty regular basis and probably would.
It's one of the first Melee charms that many would pick up, since it can be used with any combat ability.
Wow. This rocks. Are you on Patreon or something?
I'm not and hadn't ever really considered something like that. This is the first story-form writing project I've done so far.
Isn't it sad, Jaune? Ruby just stole the last bits of your protagonism.
:lol
- Location
- Sweden
- Pronouns
- She/Her
As many others have said, wow this is good. Can't wait to read more
- Location
- NOVA
There's evil and then there's evil.
Poor Cardin's legs wouldn't last one week
.You say that like that's a bad thing. He's the one that should (have) burned at the stake. Asshole.There's evil and then there's evil.
Poor Cardin's legs wouldn't last one week
