Memento Vivere [FFX, FFX-2]

[Enkida]

Visual description of a Paternoster. This was mentioned in the Glitzball (the hotel in Luca) in Chapter 34.

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[Enkida]

Super rough cut, but I'll see tomorrow how much of this needs an edit. I just wanted to get it out there. So many experimental things going on in this chapter, it was exciting to write, but also difficult.

Spoiler: Mild spoiler, but it's still a spoiler right now I guess?

It's also not the last chapter, though I'd be happy with it if it read like it was. It's hard writing about grief and what goes beyond that afterwards, but I guess, this chapter was the main reason I started writing this fic back in the day. I just didn't think it'd take 18 years to get here, man.

 

[Enkida]

80: The Long Road Home​

By the time she reached the base of Mount Gagazet, Yojimbo had left her with as little fanfare as he'd arrived. With Auron in her arms and dressed in her strange, unmistakably machina-enhanced outfit, Rikku decided to avoid the Ronso village completely. She laboriously climbed over the detour they'd originally taken around the settlement.

In contrast to the rocky terrain of the mountains, it should have been simple to traverse the Calm Lands. Instead, it felt harder than ever; she could feel her energy flagging the further she pushed through the tall grass. It was getting familiar, the feeling of slowly disappearing, but never any easier. With Auron's weight in her arms – she refused to call him dead weight – she'd enter an almost meditative state of contemplation as she pushed her feet to keep marching.

Did I really change anything? Would all of this have happened without me? Would Auron, Braska, and Jecht been better off if they'd never even known me?

And yet, no matter which of the answers her meandering thoughts would lead her to, she'd look down into her arms at Auron's flushed, vulnerable face, and know that she didn't care. Like Ixion had said, she was too greedy; she'd chased after what she wanted doggedly until she got it. Overthinking it this much was making her realize it was a maybe-just-a-little-bit destructive trait she'd shared with Braska. With, she considered as she felt her extremities losing their feeling, much the same results when she reached her goal.

They were nearing the border to Macalania, but even with the help of the evolved Machina Maw her steps were growing choppier. She already knew what she would look like, had there been anyone to see her; glassy limbs, slowly going translucent. Maybe they wouldn't even see her at all; maybe she and Auron were as invisible as the pyreflies she felt coursing all around her. If there was one thing being constantly made and unmade was teaching her, it was that pyreflies were everywhere, even when they weren't visible to the naked eye. The soul of the world ran through everything, and most of humanity wasn't sensitive enough to feel it.

Maybe that's what made a summoner different; perhaps their hands brushed the surface of the fabric of the world more closely, sensing what lay underneath. As for aeons… Rikku came to a standstill.

We're fully submerged.

She tried to move her feet, but they stayed planted amidst the swaying grass. "Is it time to rejoin the planet right here?" she asked Auron tiredly. She pulled him close, and his soft breath puffed against her neck. He wouldn't last much longer. She wondered if it could be considered romantic, turning into pyrefly-dust together with Auron in the middle of the Calm Lands.

A Divebeak cawed somewhere close by, and Rikku jumped out of her stupor. It wasn't romantic at all; Auron was still human. A dying human, but flesh and blood all the same. There'd be nothing romantic about leaving his body to the elements here. Besides, he'd been adamant. "I won't become one of the fiends that wanders these fields."

"I won't let you," she told him, and there was that greed again, that single-minded determination to reach Bevelle with him. "At least one of us needs to keep our promises... and you were always better at that than me."

He heard her; stirring, his eye cracked open, and he looked up at her. But he didn't see her, not really, not caught as he was in his fever-laden hallucinations. His hand came up to her cheek, his lone eye burning bright. "You're safe," he said, and he sounded so relieved. "You're still safe."

She tucked her face into his hand and managed to return a smile. "Yeah. We both are. You don't have to fight anybody anymore."

"Good," he said, closing his eyes and leaning against her. "That's… a relief."

Her feet wouldn't respond to her command to move, and Rikku dropped her head. "We're almost there, Auron," she murmured, feeling faint. "We almost made it."

A small hand reached up and patted her arm. Opening her eyes, Rikku looked down to see a young girl with a short bob of hair as red as Wakka's. Her skin was ruddy and tan, too, just like his. She couldn't have been more than 14 years old at best, and her eyes were gentle. A Besaid native, through and through.

"You can do it," the girl whispered. Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed Rikku's cheek. A gust of wind circled around them, and Rikku felt strength return to her arms.

"Thank you," she told Valefor.

"I'll protect you," the Fayth promised, gently holding Rikku's elbow. "So you can finish what you started."

Together, they walked silently through the great expanse of the Calm Lands, the breeze stirring the tall grasses all around them into a living sea of green. Sometimes a fiend would roar in the distance. Once, Rikku spotted a team of Crusaders escorting a priest to the base of Mount Gagazet. Likely they were going to confirm what the world would soon realize: that the Calm had descended once again. Soon the celebrations in Bevelle would begin.

Rikku made sure to steer well away from the entourage, feeling bitter.

When they reached the edge of Macalania's crystalline forests, Valefor released her elbow. "Be strong," she whispered before disappearing.

"Easier said than done," Rikku murmured, feeling the loss of Valefor's support acutely. Every step she took was getting harder with her dressphere constantly active. Five paces later, she knew she wouldn't be taking Auron anywhere without any more help.

"You there."

Rikku looked up; a priestess was waiting for her. From her garb, it was clear the woman was an accomplished black magician. Her lengthy brown hair was bound in the same tell-tale loops and braids as Lulu's, and the impressive bangle on her wrist indicated that she had some skill at the craft. She took a few mincing steps forward, her skirt trailing on the ground behind her, and crossed her arms.

"You overstay your welcome," the woman said, her breaths crystalizing into puffs of frost.

Rikku stopped before her. "I know," she murmured, too tired to argue. "Will you help me anyway?"

Shiva turned her head slightly, looking down at Auron. Her cold blue eyes flicked back up to Rikku. "Even in death, you both run hot-blooded. Enough. I will guide you through my forests, and no further."

One perfectly manicured fingernail stretched out, touching Rikku between her eyebrows. A cold, numbing feeling spread through her forehead, working its way through the tips of her teeth and continuing as a chill down her spine. She felt like she would freeze from that single touch alone, but it was enough to bring her back into the present, as solid and real as she could be.

"You won't make it far like that," Shiva added, gesturing at Rikku's mechanized bodysuit. "Bevelle will not let you approach."

Rikku nodded slowly; an Al Bhed heretic in a machina suit, carrying Mika's failed pet project who was fast on his way to becoming a legendary hero of Spira. Kinoc would've had a field day with it.

She looked down at Auron again; she couldn't leave him amongst the very human fiends of Bevelle any more than she could have dropped him in the Calm Lands. He'd want to keep his promise to Braska, though; it was probably the real reason he was still clinging to life, despite his body's rejection of it.

"Where won't you turn into a piece of political propaganda?" she mused.

Shiva sighed impatiently behind her.

The answer came to her simply. I'm an Al Bhed.

"Girl. If you have no destination, then do not waste my time," Shiva sniped.

"I've got it now." Rikku straightened her spine. "If Bevelle won't let us come close, then I'll just go somewhere we can!" She cradled Auron to her chest and started marching down the path towards Macalania Temple instead of Bevelle. "Don't worry," she told him, even though he'd fallen back into an uneasy sleep. "You'll protect Yunie."

The air chilled as she made her way further through the forest; soon, its crystalline beauty faded into the crisper crunch of ice and snow. The frozen fields were blanketed in almost painful shades of blue and white. The travel agency Rikku was looking for stuck out like a sore thumb, a riot of Al Bhed color against a monochromatic backdrop.

She stopped when she spotted a tuft of white feathers against deep blue fur; Kimahri was there, holstering a small pack on his back. It seemed like he'd decided to leave Gagazet on his own after performing his last duties to the High Summoner's party. He looked up at the garish sign of the Agency, then hung his head and shook it. After a moment's hesitation, he pushed open the door and disappeared from her sight.

Auron breathed another sigh against her, and Rikku's fingers tightened against him. "Kimahri will take good care of you. He's like that," she whispered, letting her eyes drink in Auron's scarred face. "All protective, you know. Just like you." She approached the agency and carefully laid him on the ground, propping him up against the side of the wall. Her costume slid off as soon as she had him settled; a last ditch attempt to stay a little longer by his side. "I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning down and pressing her lips against his. He was too far gone to respond to her touch, but she held herself there stubbornly.

As it turned out, trying to keep her heart from breaking apart was a lot more painful than her body. She fell back onto her haunches and waited, watching Auron breath fitfully. The low murmur of voices, muffled behind the Agency doors, grew louder.

Bouncing to her feet, Rikku ran back, skittering over the slippery rocks until she was hidden from view. Behind her, Shiva crossed her arms and waited.

The door swung open violently, and Kimahri stepped out again. His tail was lashing, and he looked upset. He might have walked right by Auron, except the force with which he'd slammed the door caused Auron to topple over slowly, landing with a thump in the snow at the Ronso's feet.

Startled, Kimahri dropped to his knee and turned Auron over. His golden eyes widened minutely, and his mouth opened in a low, dismayed rumble. "Guardian?" When Auron didn't respond, Kimahri scooped him up and stood, turning towards the door.

It flew open, nearly hitting them both, and a familiar face peered out. Rin was so much younger, the lines on his face not nearly as prominent as they'd been in her time. The Al Bhed merchant looked flushed, as if he'd been caught in the middle of a vigorous argument.

"Kimahri Ronso!" he yelled, his heavy accent giving the anger in his voice a strange, musical lilt. "A horn cannot be the only measure of—" His words died out as he looked at Auron hanging limply in Kimahri's arms. "—oh? What's this?"

"Guardian of High Summoner," Kimahri growled, shouldering past Rin. "Need help."

Rin pushed the door open wider, taking a searching look out over the empty snowfields, and Rikku ducked back behind her rock. She peered out again when she heard the soft click of the door; Auron was gone.

"Are you done here?" Shiva asked.

Rikku settled into a crouch, wrapping her arms around her knees. "Just a little longer," she said.

She heard Shiva's soft huff of exasperation, but the Fayth stayed by her side even when night descended. Rikku kept her eyes on the door of the Agency, refusing to move even when the sun set. The thick, heavy snow clouds blocked the sky completely, and the night soon turned pitch black. Rikku kept her eyes wide open, straining her ears for any sound. All she heard, though, was the soft rustle of the wind, and the tinkle of Shiva's bangle whenever the woman would shift and push the chill back into Rikku's bones.

Dawn was just starting to break when the doors opened again; Kimahri exited the building, his pack tied back against both of his shoulders now. He walked a few paces from the door and hesitated. Turning around, he faced the Agency and lifted an uncertain claw to his broken horn. It lingered there for a moment, before the Ronso shook his head. He crossed his arms together and formed the bow of Yevon, bending deeply and holding the pose for as long as he had for Braska. After a moment, he puffed out a breath and turned, striding purposefully down the path. He passed close by to Rikku's hiding place, but didn't see her at all, not even when she stood up.

Twisting around, Rikku noticed that Shiva had disappeared. Collapsing back into a crouch, Rikku wrapped her arms around her legs and rocked slowly. "Guess it's just me now," she murmured, feeling the slow but steady pull of the pyreflies around her. Her eyes fluttered closed.

She must have been dozing; it was hard to tell how much time had passed in the dull, muted light of Macalania's overcast dawn. A soft pop woke her. At first she wasn't sure what had happened; then she looked down and saw the shards of glass scattered at her feet. The Samurai sphere had shattered. She dropped her hand into the snow, feeling the jagged edges of glass cut against her fingertips, and closed her eyes.

Goodbye, Auron.

The bite of Macalania's eternal winter was just starting to fade from her numbed fingertips when she heard crunching in the snow behind her. It stopped, and she cracked open an eye and looked back.

A pair of heavy boots and the bottom fringe of a red overcoat greeted her. She sprung to her feet and turned around, eyes wide.

Auron stared back at her, the scar over his eye no longer red and swollen.

"How'd you get out here?" she blurted.

"I didn't," he answered, and tilted his head towards the Agency. The faintest trace of white was starting to frost his hairline at his temples.

She blinked and looked down, unable to meet his dark eye. Words bubbled up in her throat; apologies, declarations, or maybe regrets. They faded after a while, each inadequate to express the complicated tangle of feelings seeing him standing there brought out in her. He was stone-faced and silent, and she was scared to find out if death had turned his love into hatred. So she chased after the one thing to connect with him that she knew he'd still hold dear: duty.

"Kimahri will take care of Yuna," she said softly. "Whatever you said convinced him."

"It was the last wish of a dying man," he replied gruffly. "As a Ronso, he'll feel honor-bound to keep his oath. Yuna will be in good hands." A long silence passed between them; he didn't move, and Rikku couldn't lift her head. "But you already know this."

She couldn't take it anymore. "I'm sorry."

He said nothing for a while. Likely coming to grips with becoming the very thing he'd always hated. When he did speak, his voice was cracked; rustier than it had been a moment before. "As am I."

It was funny; both of her feet were still firmly planted on the snow like leaden weights, even though she was hollow inside. It felt like she was floating away, though; drifting with nothing to hold her down anymore, ready to evaporate on the wind.

She felt his calloused fingers close around her hand and came crashing back down into her own body. Threading her fingers through his, she tightened them and he pulled her in, bringing her forehead to rest against his neck. She turned her head, able to feel the thrum of pyreflies under his skin. They moved restlessly, unable to provide the warmth of blood or the steady rhythm of a beating heart; his skin was cool to the touch.

In that cold embrace, the sorrow between them took shape; forming around words that Rikku couldn't speak, or the hurt would become too real. She wondered who was holding back more in that quiet regret: Auron, cool and stoic as ever, or herself, biting down on her burning tongue. In their mutual silence, she heard the eulogy for their shared dream. Of a life in Besaid, of black-haired children with bottle-glass green eyes romping over the sand. Of that place where Auron could finally bury his sword as a relic of his painful past and find the peace he'd so desperately searched for in her arms. Of happiness, of finding a way into the future together.

"I love you," she told him, for the first time hearing how inadequate those words sounded for everything she felt for him. "It hurts."

"You'll learn to bear it." His arms betrayed those harsh words, circling her and pressing her tightly against himself. There was no warmth left in his body, but the fine tremor that ran through him as he held her stripped his secrets bare.

She sagged against him, equal parts of regret and relief. She wondered if Braska had felt that way, saying his goodbyes to them at the Calm Lands. The worst had rolled over them, left them broken and changed, but somehow still standing together. Time was still dragging them towards that bright future.

Auron pulled away from her first, and she finally managed to look at his face. The streaks of white had wound their way further through his dark hair. "I can't stay here," he said haltingly. "I… promised Jecht."

She smiled, dismissing his concern by tracing her fingers along the streaks in his hair and mussing it playfully. "Don't apologize for being who you are. And don't try to change yourself to suit me," she said, thinking about Yojimbo's advice. "You've always been everything I wasn't. Putting your duty first, even if it hurts you. I admire that. I probably shouldn't, but I do." Then she leaned forward and kissed him, secretly relieved when he responded to her touch. "I'll help you."

He looked conflicted and his brows drew together, so she put her thumb on the line that formed between them and pressed hard until it vanished. "Your face'll stick that way if you keep on doing that," she teased.

He sighed in exasperation, pulling her fingers away. "Do you know how to reach Zanarkand?"

Dream Zanarkand, he meant.

She nodded, looking up at the cloudy sky. "It's above us. Actually, it's over Mount Gagazet, not here. The mists surrounding the top of the mountain… that's from the summoning," she explained. "The Fayth Scar powers Dream Zanarkand. That's where you need to go to find Jecht's son, Tidus."

"A floating city in the sky." His disbelief was evident. When she nodded in confirmation, he laughed dryly. "Another impossible task then? Because the last one went so well for us."

She knew he was being cynical; she couldn't blame him. He was dead now, after all. Still, she zeroed in on what he'd said, feeling warmed by his assumption. "Us," she repeated, squeezing his hand.

So what if it was a city in the sky? You are potential. You can be anything you want to be.

"I know how to get you there," she told him.

His eye widened. "How?" He looked overhead. "Is that why Jecht wanted to become Braska's aeon?" he mused, finally making the connection. "That idiot. What would be the use of getting there if he couldn't be with his son afterwards?"

Rikku shook her head, biting back a manic giggle. I can't be with you afterwards either. "Maybe he just thought getting there was the most important thing." She felt something in her chest stir and was reminded that she didn't have enough time left if she really wanted to help Auron. "Come on," she coaxed, taking his hand and leading him around the snowy glacier.

He let her draw him in, climbing higher and higher. The cold didn't affect Auron anymore, she noticed; even buffeted by the wind, he gave no sign of shivering or slowing down. The cold wasn't affecting her as much either; she was losing feeling in her limbs. This time, he noticed.

"Rikku, your skin…" he said, looking at her legs.

Her steps slowed, and her hand spasmed against his. "I can't stay here either."

Auron ground to a stop. "What?"

"I can't… help you raise Tidus. And I can't stay behind and watch over Yunie." She felt him staring at her, staring through her, maybe, in the places she was going translucent. "I don't belong here anymore. This is my limit."

The silence returned with a vengeance. She felt his hand in hers, but suddenly, irrationally, she was afraid he wasn't there anymore. She spun around, her mouth open, and snapped it shut when she saw him.

The white had extended to the crown of his head. When she saw his face, she finally understood. "You look older than before."

It was his regret; now that his body wasn't real anymore, his feelings were shaping him. She thought about how old he'd looked when she first met him; he'd been the same age as Braska back then. The lines creasing his face carried more weight when she realized she'd been a part of the hands that had carved them onto him.

She leaned in and kissed him; the only apology she could give for becoming another one of the burdens he'd ended up carrying with him into the future.

He clutched at her. "Don't leave me," he gasped, tortured.

She let him go first this time, gently untangling his arms, trying not to see the pain etching itself into his face. "We'll meet again," she promised, activating her dressphere.

He stepped back, his eye widening as the machina suit climbed its way up her body, sealing her in a casing of heavy armor. "What are you doing?"

"I'm taking you to Zanarkand," she said, smiling when the transformation stopped. Then, she put her hand on the dressphere. "I'll get you there, no matter what." The light flared again, and the suit evolved, climbing higher and higher, sliding over her face.

Don't forget who you are. Tidus' warning rung clear in her ears. She pushed further; she had to, and she wasn't surprised when she heard the soft pop. She felt Auron latch onto her when the Alchemist sphere shattered. Don't forget, or you can't ever go back.

It didn't matter now, because Auron needed to fly. She strained, feeling her joints stretching as she leaned back. He was hanging onto her now, trying to peel off the layers that kept forming over her body. Her back arched, arms extended over her head, and a view screen flickered to life. Impossible feathers exploded outwards; she flexed her fingers and her wings extended, then folded downwards to encase her torso. Her legs fused together, and she felt Auron's red coat billowing out behind her; an afterthought in this new, mechanical body she'd built herself into.

"What have you become?"

The screen flickered, and she saw his face; tears tracked down from his good eye. Distantly, she understood the answer. She was the real thing now; a true aeon. She knew it, because she couldn't answer him anymore. So instead, she bowed before him, lowering her now-broadened back.

"Rikku!"

Static buzzed across the view screen, shielding him from her view.

Temporal anomaly detected. Processing…

"Stop this!"

Error. Reverting to original parameters…

Error. Unable to synchronize. Reverting to original parameters…

Error. Unable to synchronize. Reverting to –

"Don't leave. Please… not you, too. Don't leave me here alone."

Manual override activated.

Resynchronizing. Paradigm shift: Flight Mode activated.

Processing...

Processing...

Processing...

Machina-EX has been successfully upgraded!

Activating primary designation: EDEN

Online.

Scanning...

"You're… you've become… Can you even feel—?"

Lifeform detected. Designation: User.

Analysis complete. Awaiting input.

"Why?"

Syntax Error. Unable to process command.

Reverting to previous directive.

Processing...

Command Accepted. Safety protocols engaged. Rider secured.

"I'm sorry. I… you… I didn't want… this."

Flight path mapped.

Meteorological variances within acceptable parameters.

"What is that? No… it couldn't be. By Yevon… it's impossible. It can't be—!"

WARNING! WARNING!

"Aaarg!"

Auxiliary safety protocols engaged. Rider secured.

"… Hah … Hnn… Thank you. Not my finest moment."

Scanning. Target identified. Destination locked.

"Incredible. It's an entire city. It really is Zanarkand…"

WARNING! WARNING!

Energy levels fluctuating.

Rerouting power supply...

Error.

Rerouting power supply...

"Rikku? Rikku!"

Critical Failure. Rerouting power supply...

"Stop! You can't do this!"

Error: Cascading System Failure.

Initiating System Shutdown.

Must... complete... mission.

The static cleared; wind rushed in her ears.

I'm falling again? Am I in the Farplane?

There was something wrapped around her. A pair of arms. Howling winds all around her.

"Rikku!"

That's my name!

Rikku's eyes flew open. She was falling out of the sky, and those were Auron's arms around her.

He didn't seem to care much, from the way he was clinging to her. The wind tore the words from his mouth, but his lips were so close to her ear that she heard them anyway; heard the immense relief in his voice, even though they were falling to their second deaths.

"Thank Yevon. You're back. You came back."

Trying to reorient herself, she realized they were blazing a bright trail through the sky. Pyreflies, she thought distantly; pyreflies from my own body. She was disappearing; worse yet, she hadn't made it to Zanarkand, and now Auron was falling with her. They were careening towards the ocean, and there weren't any aeons left who would, or could, prolong her time in Spira anymore.

But I just want to save Auron, she thought, feeling her frustration punch through the emptiness, bringing tears to her eyes.

Below them, the waters surged and churned. An explosive geyser sprayed upwards towards them, and Rikku's teeth clacked as something stopped their fall. The force of it might have broken their necks, if either of them were still human. As it was, they were both fully conscious to look up into the unmistakable face of the creature that had caught them.

"Jecht?" Auron barked in disbelief.

Jecht crushed them together in his massive arms and Rikku yelped in pain, because it hurt – her body was solidifying again.

He eased up, and she realized he'd gotten bigger since they last saw him. He had a tail now, and his arms were even larger and longer than before. He looked upwards from where they'd fallen, his glowing yellow eyes full of longing. Then they dropped to Rikku.

She swallowed, then nodded. "Yeah. We'll make it this time," she promised him.

Auron met her eyes. "Don't lose yourself. You… you were something else. Someone else. Please, Rikku. I don't want my last memories of you to be…"

She ducked her head, suddenly ashamed of what she'd become; what she'd shown she could do to Auron. "A monster?" she whispered.

He grabbed her, and pulled her closer, his gaze fierce.

"A sacrifice. No more sacrifices, Rikku. Never again."

Her breath caught, and she felt whole, as if the pieces of herself were finally falling into the right places. She reached within, hearing the siren call to transform into Eden singing through her blood. She caught the thread, crushing it and reshaping it. Light flared, and the exosuit began climbing up her skin again; Auron's lone eye reflected his fear.

No, she decided. Not his fear. His love.

"What are you doing?" Auron asked, concern still lacing his voice as he watched her body continue to morph and change.

"What Jecht gave me won't last long. We've gotta get to Zanarkand fast. So I'll need some wings… and jets."

She stopped the transformation of her Machina suit, instead shaping the excess metal pieces painstakingly into bladed wings. Jecht pushed her away to give her the space to modify the design of her suit, and she prodded and twisted until the mechanical wings whirred and rotated in a circle behind her, granting her the power to hover in place.

"Thanks," she told Jecht, lifting Auron out of his arms. Auron seemed surprised that she could handle his weight so easily and she grinned. "Better hang on, because we're gonna move faster this time," she promised.

Jecht was already sinking back into the ocean, watching them with his glowing eyes. She gave him a thumbs up, and then turned her face towards Auron. "You ready?"

He nodded, his arms tightening around her waist.

They shot upwards, faster than before; faster than Bahamut diving towards Sin. Jecht quickly became nothing more than a tiny speck below. Soon, even the ocean was lost under a floor of swirling clouds. When they broke through the mists over Mount Gagazet, the impossible city spread before them. This time, Rikku was able to savor the sight of the giant metropolis rising into the sky. She crested them high over the skyline, hovering near one of the enormous arcing loops of water shaping Zanarkand's edges.

Lights twinkled below them; the city was vibrant. The amphitheater in the center exploded with light; apparently, there was a blitzball tournament going on. They were too high up to hear anything but the rushing of the wind; Rikku slowly flew them over the sparkling high-rises.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, taking in the dizzying network of buildings, streets, and lights, all teeming with life. In a strange way, it reminded her of Spira… her Spira, the one in the future that was slowly recovering from a thousand years of living under the burden of Sin.

Auron just stared. Eventually, she realized he was looking at her and not the city below. She met his gaze.

"I can't do this without you," he said quietly, reaching out to stroke her cheek.

Rikku smiled crookedly, feeling the telltale shift that warned her that Jecht's power was waning. She lowered them towards one of the higher skyscrapers in the city. "This isn't goodbye, though. You'll see me again," she promised.

Auron dropped his head against hers, chuckling softly when their feet touched solid ground. "You'll be a child."

She turned into him, feeling the texture of his face, already older than he should have been. "I know. But still… whenever you see me, I want you to see hope, when everything else seems lost," she murmured.

"Hope," he sighed, his lips brushing against her cheek as he spoke. "You're asking me to do the impossible."

"Just don't give up," she whispered, knowing she was giving him the heaviest burden of all. Her most selfish request. "Don't ever give up."

"Death twists everything," Auron told her. "That might not be my choice to make. I'm not even sure if the dead can love anything."

She pulled away and looked into his one good eye, still smiling. "Maechen sure seems to love history in any time I've met him. He loves it so much he doesn't warp it. Are you telling me you can't compete with that old man?"

"I'm part of the cycle now," Auron warned her. "I'll change. I'll become someone you won't recognize. You shouldn't love me," he chided, even though they both knew it was futile. "I'll only hurt you."

"What cycle? Don't believe everything Yevon tells you," she scolded him. "I know you. I know every part of you now, even the ones you don't yet. You never stopped loving, Auron. You loved Yuna, and Braska, and even Jecht. You'll grow to love Tidus, too. And you'll always love Spira. That's why you saved it." She moved to brush the hair from his eyes and sighed a little when his bangs didn't shift under her translucent fingers. "Just… save a little for me, too, okay? You don't even have to tell."

The city lights were starting to dim so she concentrated, focusing on Auron's face. His gaze grounded her, holding her in place.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Thank you," she said as she released him. Her words were lost in the soft hum of the pyreflies that twisted away, taking her with them in pieces.



A/N: Eden is a summon from FF8.

 

[Enkida]

possibly subject to edits again

also still not the last chapter

I feel it in my bones, though, that I might actually be able to reach the end of this story, you guys!

 

[Enkida]

81: Falling (Again)​

White. Everything was so white. She opened her eyes slowly and blinked a few times; the painful brightness receded slowly, shapes and forms coming together. The song of the pyreflies surrounded her, and a familiar pastel sky took shape.

Hesitantly, she held a hand before her. Solid and human. Very human. And, she noted as she sat up, she was wearing her Gullwings traveling gear; the same outfit she'd donned for her visit to Guadosalam in what felt like a lifetime ago. She wasn't surprised to see she was sitting in a field of multicolored wildflowers, surrounded by waterfalls; it was the Farplane alright. She spun around, searching for Bahamut. And stopped when she saw Auron instead, kneeling at her side.

"You've returned," he said, watching her from behind his dark sunglasses.

She folded her hands into her lap, suddenly nervous. This wasn't the Auron she'd come to know during the course of Braska's Pilgrimage; the man she'd passionately loved and shared all her secrets with. No… this was Tidus and Yuna's Auron; their guide and teacher, distant and reserved. His face was weathered and craggy, and silver peppered his dark hair liberally. She couldn't read him; his expression was hidden behind that enormous cowl he wore.

She picked at the fabric of the bows on her sleeves, almost afraid to look at him. Had it all been a dream? A wild flight of fancy and wish-fulfillment? Well… he was here right beside her in the Farplane, being plainly dead, and she wasn't screaming her head off. That had to mean that something had fundamentally changed within herself, at least. After a few strained moments, she reached for her long scarf and tugged it high over her reddening cheeks. Only when she felt as safely masked as he was did she meet his steady gaze.

C'mon, Rikku. He's dead, and you might not be human. Just do it!

"So, umm… " she said, swallowing around the lump in her throat. Was any of it real? What do you remember? Are you still in love with me? Of course, what pushed itself out of her dry mouth was something entirely different. "… Long time no see?"

"Yes," he sighed, leaning back and settling on the ground next to her. "It's been a very long time." He sounded tired.

She squinted in frustration; that told her just about nothing! Exasperated, she kicked out with her feet, and hit something hard.

"Careful," Auron said sharply, and she looked down. Then she sucked in a deep breath.

"Is that—?"

Auron nodded at her. "Yes. That's you."

Her initial horror faded quickly into fascination. The stone at her feet was large, and pulsed softly with energy all around its runic edges. Carved in relief below the glass casing was a startlingly accurate likeness of her body. She could see every strand of hair in her ponytail, every plait in her braids, every curve of muscle in her back. Her arms were stretched over her head, and surrounding her were white wings and a circular disc full of runes. She ran her hand over the stone, shivering. "So it was real. I really… I mean… I'm Eden, now."

"You are Rikku," Auron said vehemently, with more feeling than he'd shown since she'd woken. He shook his head, some of the tension leaving him as he chuckled. The sound was rich, low, and made her belly do nervous flip-flops. "Of course, only you would turn yourself into an airship," he concluded, his one eye meeting hers with a spark of dry humor.

Carefully, she inched closer to Auron's side. "So… you remember?" she asked, feeling her pulse pounding rapidly against her throat. Which was strange enough, because she wasn't entirely sure she should have still had one in her current body.

He turned his gaze onto the Fayth stone, not meeting her eyes. "Yes," he said. "I remember everything."

"Then why—" she began, but bit her lip and cut herself off. For her, seeing Auron last had been a matter of moments. For him… it'd been years.

Maybe he really didn't love her anymore. Time was a cruel mistress that dulled everything. Carefully, she reached a hand out. His eye shot to her face, but he didn't move. She lowered her fingertip slowly, placing it at the start of the scar on his temple. She traced a light path over his eye, and then his cheek, pushing his cowl down. He didn't flinch, and she could feel his gaze burning into her. "Have you been guarding me this whole time?" she asked.

He shifted slightly, leaning in to her touch. "Hnn," he grunted. "I promised to protect you."

Her palm smoothed against his cheek and then cupped his face, the sudden release from her uncertainty leaving her in a rush of lassitude. "Then why are you being like this?"

Auron held himself still, granite against her soft, probing touch. "It's been… a very long time," he repeated. "I've returned as second-hand goods." He finally turned so she could see his entire face. "While you… have remained untouched by time." Something caught in his voice, and his hand reached up to finger one of her long braids. "I've been used and broken. Old man is right. The living are waiting for you to return to them. To that vibrant life you were destined to have in the real world. Without me." He caught her hand and gently removed it from his lined, leathery face. "You need to go back and forget about-"

She jumped him. As it turned out, she'd inherited Auron's intolerance for monologues, and being somewhat more action-oriented, went straight for his lips.

He went rigid with shock, and then a little bit of panic as she knocked him right over onto her Fayth stone, her mouth sealed against his. He tried to push her away, so she reached up and grabbed the tufts of his silver hair and yanked them back, forcing his head down while her legs worked their way around his waist, straddling him. His mouth parted in shock and she went on the offensive, coaxing him into the kiss with slow, determined sweeps of her tongue until she felt him responding.

It was only when his hands circled to her hips, fingers flexing, and his head raised to chase her lips that she relented, releasing her tight grip on his hair. But not too much, because she immediately settled her weight on his torso, trapping him below her.

"What was that you were saying?" she hummed, crossing her arms over his chest and glaring at him. "You're not second-hand goods. And the only thing you're leaving untouched is me. What's going on, Auron?"

His chest rose and fell, his one eye wide and dark. Then he turned his head away from her. "I am many years dead, Rikku. And you are not."

"Well I'm not exactly normal either, am I?" she protested, pounding the stone beneath them. Despite his mortification, Auron caught her hand on the second try, stopping her from hitting… herself, she guessed. She flipped her palm in his grip, wrapping her fingers around his. "What gives?"

He sighed. "I've lived a lifetime without you, Rikku. I've had time to think. About us. About you. About myself, as well." He caught another one of her braids and let it slip out of his fingers. "You said you knew me better than myself. But do you really?"

"Of course, I—" she started.

"I cared for Jecht's wife," he said abruptly. "Did you know that?"

Her mouth snapped shut, her eyes going wide. There was a creeping, cold sensation in her chest; a sharp stab of jealousy, and then the dull, bleeding ache of betrayal.

Auron grimaced. "I'm sorry. I forget… that you haven't lived in the same space of time as I. Anne was not your replacement. In fact, she was nothing at all like you. We were both hurting from loss, and like recognizes like." His fingers clenched around hers involuntarily. "She never returned my feelings, though. She was as devoted to Jecht as he was to her. A couple so perfect that she withered away and died when I told her the truth: that he'd never return." He sounded bitter. There was a whole story behind his words. A different world – an entirely different universe – that he'd lived in that she wasn't a part of. She'd traveled to the past… and he'd continued on into the future.

"Why are you telling me this?" she managed to say.

"Because I want you to understand," he growled. "My life should have ended long ago, but still I kept going. I've watched you grow up. Shaped you in ways that I never should have, not with the knowledge I held. I clung to the memory of you, and your adolescent self fell in love with me." He gave a frustrated sigh. "And history repeated itself. I've lived a full and long life, and it's time for me to rest. But you… you're just beginning. You have the longest road ahead of you, and you can't spend the rest of your days tied to the curse of my memory." He reached for his cowl to pull it back up. "My story is done; my life is over. Yours is just beginning."

Her hand shot out and caught his, yanking his cowl back down. "You're still blaming yourself after all these years?" she asked him incredulously. "Auron… we all made our own choices. And admittedly," she said, thinking with a flush of embarrassment about how obviously she must have mooned over him when she was fifteen if he'd noticed, "some of them were bad." Then she leaned in, glaring. "But not this one! I don't regret one moment we spent together. Not back then, and not now." She wrinkled her brow. "You know, you called me your suffering once. Rude, by the way! But the feeling isn't mutual. You're the love of my life, and I already promised I'd follow you anywhere." She spread her hands, gesturing at the stone he was sitting on. "Well, here I am! And you're not getting rid of me this time!"

Auron was staring at her like she'd grown a second head. It wasn't a totally ungrounded fear, she figured; she was still new to this whole aeon business.

"You are making a mistake." He said it like it was final, but she could see that something had softened in that tough exterior after her bold declaration.

Well, there was nothing like doubling down. She placed both of her hands on his face and stroked his cheeks, staring at him intently. Then her eyebrows went up. Wait, something's different. Realization dawned. She dragged him in closer, turning his head slightly to the right and then left, inspecting him; he allowed it, bemused. Releasing him, she sat back. "You died when you were twenty-six, right? Everything else, all of this…" she said, waving at his face. "That's all your doing. We're made of pyreflies, Auron. We can look like anything we want to. You're the one who's choosing to look like an ancient bag of walking regret."

He looked surprised, but she pressed her hands against him and kept stroking his face with light, cautious touches, careful not to back him into a corner again. "You big dummy." Her tone softened, growing as light as her constant, gentle touches. "Living all those years thinking it was your fault. That you were to blame for what happened to any of us. Or that you ruined me somehow, and that this wasn't meant to be. I already told you, I made my own choices too. You can't control that, so you just have to live with them. And my choice is that I still love you. Then. Now. Always."

He closed his eye and thumped his head back against her stone. Encouraged, she leaned down and peppered small kisses across the line of his jaw, the curve of his cheek, the tip of his nose, both of his eyelids. Her fingers worked through his hair, massaging his scalp and reveling in the smooth silk of his hair, only slightly coarsened by age.

"Also, your older voice is liquid sex," she said conversationally between her ministrations. "That burr should be illegal. I'm gonna get you to say my name until you wear it out. And then I'll get you to say it backwards." She tickled his neck. "And I like your hair. Very debonair. Not so stiff and formal like when you slicked it back during the Pilgrimage," she added, trailing a finger down his chest plate. "You could stand to lose the cowl, though. It makes you look old."

"You're incorrigible," he finally managed, circling his arms around her. "Nothing I say will convince you to rethink this terrible mistake you're making?"

His gloomy prediction might have had more impact if she wasn't so skilled at picking out the sliver of hope in his gruff voice.

"Not a chance," she said, grinning against him. When she reared back to look at him, he'd changed again. His hair was a little darker; still shot through with silver, especially at his temples, but, like the deep, textured lines on his face, the streaks had faded. He still didn't look as young as he had on Braska's Pilgrimage, and the scar over his right eye remained a constant. Losing Braska, Jecht, herself, and, she thought with a twinge of pain, whomever else he'd met during their years apart had indelibly changed him, chiseling his features into a permanent solemnity. But he no longer looked like a worn-down relic of a brutal, too-long life.

"Rikku… I've missed you, too."

She leaned down to kiss him again, and this time, he met her willingly.

.x.x.x.​

"I can't believe you gave Yunie advice instead of me!" she complained as Auron led her through the fields. "It's not like Vegnagun went easy on the rest of us, you know!"

"And I can't believe you kept Lenne close after everything you'd been through!" he snapped, scowling at her. "You're almost as gullible as Wakka." He paused, and then smirked. "Besides. Yuna has better aim."

"Look here, buster—" she started hotly, but her argument tapered off as she noticed where he was leading her. The ground rose steeply beneath her feet, and the massive waterfall tumbling down over the path was sending clouds of mist billowing into the air around them. "… Where are you taking me, anyway?"

Auron sobered. "There's something you need to see." Squeezing her hand, he turned and walked them through the falling water.

The world misted white, blinding her, but she stayed dry, and the pressure that pressed against her body wasn't from falling water. When the light cleared, she was alone in a brightly lit cavern. Crystals reflected soft, dreamy light that came from no discernable source over the entire cave. A thick carpet of wildflowers covered the ground, impossible as they should have been. There was no waterfall; no exits, even. "Auron?" she asked uncertainly, looking around.

"Hello, Rikku."

She froze.

Braska stepped forward, dressed as he had been at Baaj: in tattered rags. His hair, long once again, was bound in the thick braid that ran down his back. It was tied off with one of her bows.

"You're here," she breathed, afraid that if she moved too quickly or made any sudden moves, he'd just… disappear.

"Cunno," he said quietly, his smile as fragile as her cautious movements. "You have questions."

After a moment, Rikku managed to make her legs work and closed in on him.

"Why're you sorry?" she asked, drinking in his presence and shying away from the relief she felt.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry for what I did to you. For turning you into my Fayth. I never intended to make two, you see."

Rikku jerked back, surprised. "I'm a Final… wait, you did me like Jecht?"

Some of that stiff, cautious formality melted out of Braska as he laughed. "No! Although, when you put it so tantalizingly like that…" he trailed off, his blue eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Get your mind out of the gutter!" She socked him in the arm, but it didn't stop his laughter. "But what really happened? How'd you manage to make me into… into… this?" she asked, gesturing at herself.

"That… is somewhat complicated," he murmured, sinking into the flowers. Somehow, Rikku found herself following. "Creating a Final Aeon requires giving another a piece of your soul. It's no simple feat." He leaned against her, his eyes going distant. "Time is strange here. It flows in all directions. You can have a vague sensation of what once was and what will be, if you stay long enough. Most don't."

Rikku watched him carefully. "Not you, though." Fifteen years had passed since Braska's Pilgrimage ended. That meant he'd been here even longer than Auron. "You weren't waiting for me, were you?"

Braska shrugged. "I felt incomplete. Drifting. I only understood why when Auron sought me out and brought me back. He was desperate to save you." He smiled. "And I did have help. Bahamut is fond of you; you and Yuna did him a great service twice over. It's not easy to put the King of all Aeons that far into your debt. And since he'd already granted Yuna her greatest wish, that left only you. You might say the perfect opportunity presented itself when you slipped into our realm."

Rikku bit her lip. "But you're dead. And I don't mean Unsent. You're… well, you're here."

Braska's tiny, knowing smile raised the hairs on the back of her neck.

"You wanted your own all-consuming love story so badly that even your companion, Lenne, felt it. I know you were searching for Auron, but I'm afraid it was I who offered what you sought," he said, leaning against her. "We forged our own connection well before you arrived in Bevelle." His arm lifted, tucking her in by his side. "You made your wish in the Farplane, and I made mine in Baaj. We both strained to reach a love that we were certain we'd never obtain."

Like recognizes like, she heard Auron saying. Suddenly, Rikku was ashamed of the swell of anger and betrayal she'd felt at Auron's confession. Pot, meet the kettle.

"Bahamut allowed our greatest wishes to touch by opening the doors between our wounded hearts, even through time." He smiled wryly. "Perhaps he wanted to deal with two problems at once. Maybe he even thought he was granting his pet summoner a boon. Most aeons do not have a fine grasp of… nuance."

For the briefest moment, she wrestled with the idea that she didn't have free will, not really. It was a train of thought that was immediately amputated by the sheer presence of Auron in her life. "But… you didn't get what you wanted in the end," she pointed out. "You didn't get the girl."

"A perfect love is not something one crafts solely from one's own desires. The feelings born from that would never be honest or real. They would only be hollow, self-serving lies. I believe Yu Yevon discovered that the hard way." He buried his face into her hair. "That was never what I wanted to find, and never what you were created to be. You are still yourself, Rikku. But you are also my soulmate. Nothing more, and nothing less."

Soul-what? "Hang on now! That was Raenn!" Rikku pushed him off, feeling unsettled. Something wasn't right. Where was Auron? Where was she? She looked around, confused. "Why isn't Raenn with you? Isn't the Farplane the place where you can go and get your happy ever afters? You could be with your wife again! Why are you with me?"

"Raenn has already moved on," Braska said, shaking his head. "You know now, don't you? Spira is saturated with pyreflies. They're not just souls – they're life itself, the flesh and blood of this planet. And all life returns, over and over again, to sustain its creator. It was only Yu Yevon who perverted that cycle with Sin for far too long, freezing the souls of the dead into a stale dream from which they couldn't awaken."

"But then… why didn't you move on too, when you got here? To find your second chance with her? It's been fifteen years!"

"There's no guarantee that two souls will ever meet again in life," Braska chided her. "Besides, the nature of love is more expansive than that. Those feelings aren't tied to single persons. Each and every one of us comes to this world as bits and pieces that have been remade, combined anew every time we enter the cycle. This is how life continues in Spira; by constantly recreating itself from our shattered fragments. We break apart in death. And when we come together to be reborn, we create a new soul, a new chance, a new life each time. To remain static, unchanging, eternal… that is the anomaly."

Rikku digested the information slowly. "But then you and Auron… you're both still here."

"Auron," Braska sighed, "was anchored here by his guilt and his duty. Even here, in the Farplane, he couldn't bear to see you die. Now that you've relieved him of that burden, I suspect he will be moving on as well."

She felt the sudden spike of fear; that the hazy, pastel bliss of her return was all just a fleeting dream. "And you too?" Rikku whispered, wondering why she couldn't feel Braska the way Jecht had said he could.

"I won't disappear," Braska said, gathering her into his arms and falling back into the wildflowers. The ground gave way, and they kept on falling, surrounded by the soft, velvet press of flower petals and a riot of color. "I can't, because we succeeded. There's so little left of my soul to give back to the world. Part of me will always stay with Jecht. And the other part will always be with you." She felt him smiling against her. "I wished for an all-consuming love, and I so found it."

His hand raised, and she realized her palm was pressed against his, perfectly synchronized. The flowers closed in on her, pushing against her skin like beating water. "It isn't what you expected, is it? Having a soulmate. It doesn't mean to be with the one you love forever. It means to be two halves of the same whole. To be one person, you and I." He drew her in. "We never met along the way, Rikku. We were in each other all along." He kissed her.

But he didn't; he couldn't have, because there wasn't anyone else there with her. Maybe there never had been.

The pressure faded, and she realized she was still walking; Auron was holding her hand, leading her out from the other side of the waterfall. Her feet slowed to a stop. "Auron," she said slowly.

He turned to look at her. "Yes?"

"Did Braska— was he here? Did you call him to save me?" she asked.

Auron stared at her for a long moment. "I did," he finally said. "But he…"

Dream Eater.

Reading her expression, he pulled her in. "He exercised his Summoner's privilege," he said firmly. "As you pointed out… we all made our own choices. I'm sure he wants you to accept his."

Rikku hugged Auron, and a moment of doubt chased her. She tightened her hold on him and decided she didn't care if the feelings threatening to overwhelm her were her own or Braska's. What does it matter? We both love Auron. "Braska told me you'd be moving on soon. That's not fair, you know."

"You won't be staying here either," Auron chided her. "Tidus has been heckling you to return to the land of the living for some time already, hasn't he?" He was about to continue, when a shout echoed through the valley. Auron's head twisted around, his gentle expression morphing into one of annoyance. "Oh, for the love of Shiva's frozen –" he swore.

"'EEEEY! Rikku!" Jecht – a very, very human Jecht – was thundering up the hill towards them with a huge grin plastered over his face. He was closing in fast, and he grabbed Rikku's hand as he passed them.

"Lookin' good, Auron!" he yelled, yanking her away. "I promise I'll bring her back real soon, so hang tight!"

"Jecht!" Her happy exclamation turned into a scream of surprise as he flung them off of the edge of the path, tumbling down towards the endless flower fields in the valley below.

"Jackass!" she heard Auron's faint call carry over from the hillside.

They hit the ground in an explosion of flowers – surprisingly, it didn't hurt at all. Jecht rolled around laughing, coming to a stop on his back. Rikku picked herself up off the ground, blowing some flower petals from her mouth, and flipped her hair back so she could see. "What was that for!"

"Aww, c'mon. I missed ya!" Jecht said, sitting up and brushing the flowers out of his hair. "An' don't tell me that wasn't fun. Did you see Auron's face?" He snickered. "'Bout time that guy lightened up. Five straight years of Auron's special brand of happy an' you'd do it too. It wasn't easy hangin' out around him while he was actin' like he was some kinda old fart the whole time." He shot her a grateful smile. "Glad you got him to come correct, Blondie."

She leapt over and hugged him tightly. "I didn't know you'd be here," she admitted, sniffling a little.

He hugged her back, then pushed her away, looking uncharacteristically serious. "You guys did it. You made my boy real." The blinding smile returned, but tempered this time with gratitude. "I… ain't got no words, Rikku. I been waitin' to thank you since forever."

"Me too," she said suddenly, feeling very small in his presence. "I mean, thanking you. I just… I treated you like dirt towards the end, and you just kept popping up and helping me anyway, even after you got… well… aeonified. The stuff I did to you… that's not what friends are supposed to do to each other."

"Hah!" Jecht said, rolling back into an easy squat, hands on his knees. "I get it, though. I mean, you were tryin' to stop that bloated alter-ego o' mine from squashin' everythin' for another thousand years. I think you get a pass for that. It all came out right in the end anyhow," he said easily, as if it had always been a foregone conclusion.

"Jecht... you're too good for this world," she told him fondly. Surprisingly, that was what broke his smile.

"Yeah, I guess," he mumbled, picking at the flowers.

"Wait… you're moping now?" she said, scooting closer. "I was just trying to compliment you!"

"Well you ain't wrong." He fell back into the flowers, then wriggled his arms and legs around, making a flower-angel. Pyreflies sang indignantly and drifted away where he'd packed down the wildflowers. "I never was real, so I ain't got no soul. There ain't nothin' to be reborn out there. I'm stuck here."

Rikku quieted. "I mean… don't you have some of Braska's soul in you too now?"

Jecht nodded companionably. "Yeah. Just like you. That's why I can be here at all, see? You feel like Braska too, y'know." He put a hand to his chest.

Rikku copied his movement, and felt the pulsing warmth in her own chest, like their hearts were beating in sync. "Yeah," she said, smiling at him. "You too. You feel… comfortable," she said, and it was true. "Like if I ever needed anything, I know you'd always be there to back me up."

"Same," he grinned. It faltered, though. "But I ain't like Tidus an' you. You got people waitin' for you up there," he said, tilting his head towards the vast expanse of pastel sky above. "People who really care. They want you back, so you got a way out." He sighed, sitting up and clasping his wrists, doing his best to look like he'd made his peace with the eternal flower fields. "Nobody up there loves me enough to bring me back into the real world." He shrugged. "Ah, well. This place ain't so bad either. We got plenty o' flowers, at least. Tidus comes by on the regular, too. Keeps me up to date on stuff." He gave her a sharp look. "You better, too. Don't be a stranger when you leave this place."

Rikku frowned. "What do you mean no one? Tidus is up there, you know."

Jecht shook his head. "Tidus is up there 'cause the rest o' Spira is carryin' him. He can't do it by himself." He looked over her shoulder; Auron was stomping his way back down towards them. "Y'know, I think I'm gonna miss that bastard," he said fondly.

Rikku sat back on her heels, frowning fiercely. "That's not right. You gave up more than most of us. How can you be stuck? They don't even have blitzball down here! That's just wrong!"

Jecht winced. "Way to rub it in, Blondie." Then he shrugged. "We can't all be Al Bhed Princesses," he teased. "Guess I just ain't superstar material in the real world. It's fine, Rikku. I had a good life. I'm okay with this. It's… comfortable, I guess."

"It's not okay!" she said hotly, springing to her feet and pacing. Jecht and Auron were legendary guardians in her time. They'd commanded respect, Auron doubly so when the word had gotten out that he'd come back for another Pilgrimage. But it was true; after the Eternal Calm descended, it was almost as if all of Spira had been caught in a mad rush to forget the pain of the past… and its heroes, as well.

She stopped and looked at Jecht, doing his best to pretend not to be moping in the flowers. "You're wrong," she said suddenly, and with absolute certainty. "You're not trapped here."

Auron caught up with them. He looked like he was about to open his mouth and verbally eviscerate Jecht for his stunt, but stopped when he heard her. He frowned. "Is this why you've been unbearable lately?" he asked Jecht.

Jecht stood up and crossed his arms defensively, huffing and turning away from them. "Well, 'scuse me," he drawled sarcastically. "Sorry if I got them feels just 'cause everybody's leavin' now."

"Stop being such a drama queen!" Rikku said, stomping her foot. "I already told you! You're not stuck here! There's a whole community of people who love you enough to wish you back to the real world."

Jecht and Auron turned to face her, and she shook her head.

"The world's only ever had one Hypello hero. And I hear their tribes have long memories," she said, grinning at Jecht. Then her smile dropped. "Oh geez. I think you might actually become the literal god of Blitzball if you decide to go back." She clasped her hands together and bowed her head. "I'm so sorry, Spira."

Jecht stood there, looking dumbfounded. But it melted when Auron marched up to him and – unbelievably – crushed him into a hug first. "So I can stop worrying about you now?" he said, pushing Jecht back and giving him a shake. "You always were an endearingly blind fool."

"Ya got younger," Jecht said distractedly, blinking at Auron. Then he broke into a wide grin. "Uh. I mean, yeah! You know you love me, man," he said, knocking Auron in the shoulder.

Rikku covered her mouth and smiled; again, catching glimpse of a sliver of their world, their own lives in the present that she hadn't been a part of. This time her ignorance didn't hurt, though.

"Stop smilin' like that an' get over here, Blondie!" Jecht demanded, drawing her into their group hug.



A/N: Cunno = Sorry

Probably something I should say as an author, too, for getting so philosophical.

 

[Enkida]

Hey hey. We're finally kind of here. There's an epilogue left after this. Usual rough cut edit warnings apply!

 

[Enkida]

82: Return to Form​

Auron was leading her back up the steep path again at a sedate pace.

"You think we'll ever see him again?" Rikku asked, swinging Auron's hand in her own. "Actually, do you think he'll come back as a human? It's not humanity that's waiting for his return."

"He'll be human. I have full confidence in Jecht's ego, if nothing else." Auron huffed. "As for seeing him again…" He shrugged. "Maybe."

She sobered at his tone, studying their joined hands. Auron's maybe really meant probably not, at least for him. It reminded her starkly that his moving on would mean something different from hers. As Braska had said… she was the anomaly, as permanently frozen in her dream-state as Tidus – and now, maybe even Jecht – would be. Maybe she'd disappear like the spirits of Macalania if the world ever stopped believing in potential.

Auron didn't have that problem, though. He'd disappear much sooner.

"I was hoping we'd have more time together," she said, her feet coming to a standstill.

Auron stopped and turned to look at her, his eye crinkling in a silent laugh. "Two lifetimes weren't enough for you? You really are a greedy thief."

She grabbed onto him, and his arms came up around her. "I don't think I'm going back the same way you are," she mumbled into his coat. "I think… I'm going to keep on being me, forever. But you aren't going to keep on being you, once you go."

"Sorrow is what held me together for this long," Auron told her. "If I stayed on as myself into eternity, it would change me for the worse. The old man that I was might come back with a grudge." He shook his head. "Hanging on too tightly to the past warps all souls, eventually. Even the best-meaning of them." He drew back from her.

"I know. It's just… hard to say goodbye all over again." She thought about what Braska had told her… what she'd discovered about Spira's true nature. The world was a spiral. Just not of death. Still, even with hope restored, it continued to spin Auron out of her orbit.

"I pledged myself to you," he said solemnly. "If you wish us to be together in all things, I…" He hesitated. Then, with a deep breath, he looked her in the eye. "I can destroy your Fayth stone. Braska gave you his soul, but if I remove the anchor you both left behind, you'll have the freedom to make the same choice as the rest of us. To rejoin the cycle. And to eventually return… as a human again. We could leave the Farplane together. Be reborn again, together." His grip on her arms tightened, and his expression wasn't pleased.

"It still sounds like you'd have to kill me first, though," she said shakily. She imagined Auron standing at her Fayth stone, raising his sword. The Masamune, a piece of his own soul. Using it to fracture hers. She imagined him aging again with each strike, his hair turning whiter, the lines creeping back over his face as he destroyed her body to release her soul.

"I don't want to," he admitted lowly. "If you asked that of me, I would do it. I would do anything for you. But I'd rather you tried to live your own life first." He backed away from her slowly, and his gaze was kind. "I meant what I said. Perhaps… with a little less personal recrimination," he added, seeing her glare heat up. "But you deserve to live a life that is not defined around my existence. What Lenne wanted for you was wrong. And Braska didn't bring you back to be my lover. He brought you back to be yourself." He turned and began leading her back up that steep path, where the wildflowers thinned out and the sound of rushing water grew louder.

"Take your chance to live a little, Rikku. To enjoy the Spira that we made. All of us, together."

Rikku looked up, suddenly realizing where Auron had been leading her all this time. "This is the way back," she said, wondering how she hadn't noticed. She turned towards him, fear licking at her. "What kind of a life will it be without you in it?"

"It will be a good one," he told her, confident. "Your life will be what you make of it." He sighed, and looked at their hands. "I can wait here for your return. When you're satisfied with what you've experienced. I can wait until you're ready to let me leave." He smiled and kissed her knuckles. "For you, I can be patient."

She swallowed. "But you won't be out there, living that life with me."

"There are others who will be." He looked beyond her and sighed. "Like your suitor."

She blinked, then frowned. "What? Who?"

He turned her around. "Watch," he instructed her. "As I have been, since you fell in."

So she looked. There, on the Farplane plateau, she saw someone hunched over, sitting on a rock. His hands were crossed over his forehead, which was lowered to nearly his knees. He looked… exhausted.

"Oh," she breathed out, genuinely surprised. "What's he doing there?"

"A good question," Auron rumbled, putting his hands on her shoulders. "Al Bhed don't visit the Farplane."

Footsteps sounded, and Rikku's mouth fell open when she saw Yuna and Tidus appear.

Yuna's soft voice broke the silence. "Gippal?"

Gippal sprung to his feet, his shoulders straightening in surprise, before dropping back into his trademarked casual slouch with a smirk on his face.

"Hah! Couldn't resist my company, could you Yuna?"

Tidus glared at him, moving closer to Yuna. "Hey! Back off, man."

Yuna's concerned expression didn't change, though. "Gippal, it's been nearly a year now. You're the only one still here, and Leblanc's starting to think about charging you rent."

"Now isn't that more than just a little greedy of her?" he scoffed. "That woman drips money. She doesn't need any of mine."

Rikku shook her head, backing into Auron. "No way. He's chasing me because Cid's been trying to set us up. He's just using me to legitimize himself as the new leader—"

"This isn't about Leblanc and you know it!" Yuna's raised voice cut across the plateau like a whip, and Rikku turned in time to see Gippal flinch. "The Machine Faction is destabilizing the longer you spend down here! Rin and Nahdala can only do so much while you're…"

"Sulking," Tidus provided helpfully.

Yuna shouldered Tidus. "Be nice," she hissed, before addressing Gippal again. "If you don't come back soon, Cid's going to reestablish the Pollendina dynasty again, and—" She quieted down, obviously unwilling to badmouth her uncle, but the look on her always-expressive face was telling.

Tidus jumped in to rescue his girlfriend. "Even Brother doesn't want that," he said. "Come on. You already saw what he did to Zanarkand. There are still traditionalists left in the Al Bhed too, Gippal. You need to take charge before they band around Cid and make a move you can't counter." His voice was bright and he was arguing passionately for Yuna's sake, but Rikku could see real anger behind those easy words.

Tidus was mad, and Gippal knew it. Get your shit together before they drag my girl back into it.

Gippal hung his head and turned away from Yuna… which resulted in him facing them. Rikku watched his eye squeeze shut and his mouth flatten out; it was a vulnerable face, one she'd never seen him make before. He looked up, schooled his expression, and then put his back to them, addressing Yuna.

"You're her cousin. Family. Don't tell me you've given up on her too?"

Yuna dropped her hands. "No," she said quietly. "I miss Rikku. And… I have to believe she'll come back someday. She hasn't appeared on the Farplane yet. That means… we just have to wait until she's ready."

"And that's what I'm doing! Waiting! Unlike the rest of you hypocrites!" Gippal yelled, losing his cool.

Auron let out a soft, amused huff. "He reminds me of you."

"That's not very funny," Rikku said, her hands still on her cheeks as she tried to process this new information. Gippal… actually cares? Then she clenched her hands into fists. "Wait! You mean to say it took him thinking I was dead and gone before he got serious about me?" she seethed.

"As I said. Very much like you," Auron repeated, sounding even more amused.

That took the wind right out of her sails. She refocused on the conversation between the others, and realized Yuna was leading Gippal back into Guadosalam.

"Hey, Yuna? I'll catch up. Got some people I wanna see here first," Tidus called after them. She waved, and he watched Yuna and Gippal until they disappeared before turning to face them, obviously able to see them both. "Auron! Looking good," he said, raising an approving eyebrow. "Nice to see you're finally back too," he added, grinning at Rikku. Then he frowned. "… Where's my old man?"

Auron huffed. "I bet you'll find out soon enough. Don't worry about Jecht."

Tidus blanched. "You saying it like that only makes me worry more, you know." He rubbed the back of his head. "Anyway, Rikku. Are you ready for your big comeback yet? I know Yuna was acting all tough there, but she's just as heartbroken as Gippal. She just knows how to smile and hide it better than he does."

"You see?" Auron told her. "You have a life waiting for you to be lived."

"Y-yeah," she said shakily. "But, I, um." She turned around to face him, her head spinning from all of the possibilities spanning before her. Potential, she thought, cataloguing her many choices. To stay in the static stillness of the Farplane, trapped forever with Auron. To die with him and be reborn, leaving her old life behind. To come back and take control of her old life again, and send it in a new direction… one that wasn't always looking over her shoulder, at her memories.

"Do you truly want to continue to be trapped in the past with a memory of me?" Auron asked her softly. "I know you, Rikku. You're stronger than that. And as much as I want to be with you… I will never be able to be that selfish and destructive. Not to the woman I love." He leaned down and nuzzled her neck.

"Ugh! Alright, alright, I'm going," Tidus said, sounding disgusted. "But I hope you think about coming back this time," he added, his voice softening. "We miss you, Rikku. Don't forget about us."

Rikku waved Tidus off, then turned into Auron's embrace. "You tell me to leave, and then you kiss me like that…" she murmured.

"I died in Macalania a long time ago. This," he sighed, leaning into her, "Isn't what love is supposed to be, Rikku. It's not about throwing away your future to live in the past. Braska understood that too late. But he gave you the chance to escape his fate."

"Won't you be lonely here?" she asked him. "Don't you want to move on?"

"I still have my duty," he told her. "Your real body lies below, in the Farplane. And I am your Guardian now. I can at least wait for you to live out this lifetime."

She closed her eyes. "I don't want this to be the end of our story."

He smiled. "One day, you'll find me again." He drew a slow breath, obviously savoring her presence in his arms. "No. I will find you." She heard the promise in his voice. "When I do, write a new one with me then."

"It's time." They drew apart, looking at the child-form of Bahamut, who appeared before them. "Are you ready to leave now?" Bahamut asked her.

Rikku swallowed, and Auron stepped back. "Yeah," she said shakily, her eyes glued to Auron.

"I hope you have a happy life," he told her, his smile pained… but also proud.

"Thank you," she said, watching him. "For being my world for so long." He was disappearing; the white was returning, along with the sensation of falling.

"Find your way," she heard his voice echo in her ears. "I know you will."

"Auron—"

He disappeared, and there was only the soft rush of wind, the cry of the pyreflies, and the sound of beating wings.

.x.x.x.​

Rikku woke up disoriented, a crush of arguing voices surrounding her. Her head hurt. Cracking her eyes open slowly, she winced and regretted it immediately. Even the dim light of Guadosalam stabbed into her eyeballs like knives. A soft groan escaped her.

"Hey." There was a whisper near her ear, so low that only she heard it. "Are you ready?"

"Nnng… nope," she groaned again, trying to turn her head away from Tidus and block the world out. "Go away." She felt him stifle a laugh, heard the rustle of cloth as he leaned back.

"I think she's awake!" he yelled over the din of the room, both to silence her audience and as payback for not cooperating.

Muzzily, Rikku reached for a pillow and considered chucking it at him, before deciding to settle it over her face instead, her ears ringing. "Can you all tone it down a notch?" she begged, her voice muffled.

The pillow was ripped away unceremoniously, and Rikku shrieked. A strong arm caught her before she could roll away, giving her a perfunctory slap on the cheek.

"OUCH!"

"Paine!" Yuna's voice sounded shocked.

"What? She's being a brat," Paine shot back, slapping her other cheek. "Rikku. Stop it. Wake the hell up, everybody's worried about you." Despite her harsh words, Rikku heard the undercurrent of worry in Paine's voice.

Sighing, she shook Paine off and sat up, holding her head. "Ugh! It feels like my eyeballs are trying to crawl out of their sockets," she moaned. She cautiously opened one eye and took in the room.

Yuna kneeled by her bed, her mismatched eyes wide and wet with tears. She had her hands over her mouth, an uncontrollable smile beginning to emerge from beneath them. Behind her, Tidus was grinning at her knowingly, his arms crossed. Sitting by her side, Paine was glowering at her, looking for all the world like she'd hit Rikku again if she tried to escape.

Paine shifted abruptly when Brother pushed her out of the way. "RIKKU!" he yelled, knocking her back against the bedrest with a hug. He was weeping openly, emotional enough that he'd even forgotten to be nervous around Yuna. "E druikrd oui fana kuha! Vunajan!" he yelled, crushing her so tightly that her breath left her in a whoosh and she tried to tap out on his shoulder repeatedly. "You do not do that again! NO FARPLANE!" he sniffled wetly, giving her another squeeze.

"Rao, rao!" she wheezed, shooting Paine a look of relief when the other girl peeled Brother off of her. "Crr. E's rana huf. E's rana," she said, ruffling her brother's Mohawk as he scrubbed at his eyes.

He continued to sob loudly even when Paine hauled him off the bed and handed him over to Tidus. "Go dry your man-tears on the guy who's used to getting soggy," she said irately.

"Well, this has been quite the show," a shrill voice cut in. Leblanc kicked away from the wall she'd been leaning against, fanning herself. "I'll report this back to Nooj," she said, closing her fan with a loud snap. Then she sashayed towards the door, stopping in front of Gippal, who was leaning against the other side of the doorframe. She hit his chest with her fan, looking annoyed. "I might even tell Baralai, so the boys can know when to expect you back."

Gippal shrugged, though his eye was glued on Rikku, the smirk on his face threatening to turn into a full-blown smile. "Don't tell me you're kicking me out already. I haven't even said hi to Cid's girl yet."

"Hah!" Leblanc arched an eyebrow and opened her mouth, looking annoyed that he wasn't even bothering to make eye contact with her. "It's high time you freeloaders—" She stopped when the silent figure next to Gippal pushed himself off of the wall.

"We stay." Kimahri crossed his arms and loomed over Leblanc, doing a much better job at staring her down from over his nose than she did, particularly with the way he towered head and shoulders above her. "Until Rikku tell us to go."

"Hmpf." Leblanc sent a cool glance towards Rikku over her shoulder. "Well. I suppose I might let you inconvenience me for a few more days." Her eyes narrowed. "But no more. You people are terrible for tourism." She flounced out of the room in a swirl of robes and perfume.

"Alright, alright," Tidus said loudly, still wrestling with her teary-eyed brother. "I think we're all being a little overwhelming here. Why don't we let Rikku catch up with Yuna first?"

"Yeah," Rikku said, looking at the crowd gathered around her, compressed into the tiny hotel room. It wasn't even everyone who would've worried about her, she knew instinctively. Her heart warmed as she looked at them.

How could I have ever forgotten? I had a life here, too.

Tidus was busy shooing everyone but Yuna from the room. Soon, she was left alone with her cousin.

Yuna leaned forward and gave Rikku a hug, much more gentle than her brother had, but with just as much emotion. "You're back," she breathed.

"Yeah," Rikku said, leaning into the hug, weary and relieved.

They separated after a moment, an unusual awkward silence filling the air between them. Normally, Rikku would have filled it with her non-stop chattering.

"You've gotten quieter," Yuna observed with a faint smile.

Rikku picked at her fingernails, blushing. "Umm… yeah. Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make everyone worry so much, Yunie."

Yuna grabbed Rikku's hands and separated them. "You were gone for a year," she said softly. "You just… disappeared. I was so worried at first, but then Tidus…" Her hands flexed and squeezed Rikku's fingers. "He told me everything would be okay. That he just knew. And then a few months after we lost you, Kimahri brought me this."

She released Rikku and reached into her pouch, pulling out a sphere. It wasn't centuries old, from the looks of it, but still a little dusty and worn. Yuna set it on the bed between them, fiddling with the switches. The sphere flickered, then buzzed to life.

"The secret to my success?" A loud laugh sounded. "Well I gotta admit – them sweet rolls really are somethin' else!"

Rikku's eyes widened, and she leaned down. Jecht was laughing at a large crowd; a familiar reporter was needling him.

"Seeing an Al Bhed in the middle of those Ronso Fangs was a real shock! Do you have anything to say about your decision to play for the newest team in the league?"

"No comment." Even with her voice pitched low, it couldn't have fooled Yuna. They watched the recording play out to the end of the painful interview.

"Luca has its eyes on you, Rikkma!"

Yuna shut the sphere down. The silence loomed between them.

"… Does anybody else know about this besides you and Kimahri?" Rikku asked after a moment.

"Tidus hasn't seen this, but I think…"

"Oh, he knows," Rikku answered for her.

Yuna nodded. "He's the one who carried you out of the Farplane. He said… you just appeared." She twisted her hands together. "You didn't just fall. What… really happened to you, Rikku?"

"Oh, Yunie… you're never gonna believe this," Rikku said, taking a deep breath, and let the dam burst.

After a torrent of words, some time, several tissues, and a few slices of Leblanc's Triple Love Chocolate Mousse Torte, Rikku finally finished telling Yuna the abbreviated version of her story. Well, most of her story, she amended, thinking about how she'd omitted the parts about falling in love with your hot playboy dad, nearly sleeping with him, and then stealing his soul. And also that little thing about being an aeon who could turn into a giant airship. Some things were better left unsaid, even between family. She had a suspicion that Yuna knew a little more about that last one than she was letting on, given that she was living with Tidus, but her cousin tactfully avoided digging deeper.

"I don't know," Yuna said, licking the last of the chocolate off of her spoon. "It's still kind of romantic, don't you think? Auron's waiting for you in the Farplane. You might be even able to see him if you went back!"

Rikku shook her head. "I bet Brother won't let me get close to the Farplane for years and years," she said with a laugh that died out slowly. "Besides… I think I finally see what Auron meant when I woke up to all you guys fussing over me. Going back now would be like rejecting his last wish. He wants me to be here. And I'm starting to think he's right."

"Hmm," Yuna said. "You… umm. You didn't really say so, but… it sounds like you became friends with my father, too."

"Mm-hmm," Rikku hummed lightly, feeling her heart race.

"I don't really remember you visiting us in Bevelle…" Yuna continued slowly.

"I did spend a lot of time on the roof arguing with Auron!"

"… but I don't really remember that much about my father, either," Yuna finished quietly. "It's silly, isn't it? I still remember Auron. And Jecht, showing me the Mark III," she giggled. But when she stopped, Rikku saw the fragile look in her eyes. "But all I remember about my own father is his leaving." She lowered her gaze. "He called Bahamut, and I was so impressed. But… I also wished… that he could've taken me with him, instead of that dragon." She looked up at Rikku, her face full of yearning. "Can you… tell me a little about my father? I… I want to get to know him."

"I…" Rikku's heart clenched. And then she leaned over and hugged Yuna. "He was wrong, Yunie. He was totally wrong about a lot of things. But there was one thing I'm sure of that never changed, no matter how many mistakes he made," she said, feeling it in her soul. "He loved you. And in the end… he wanted to be with you. To be a real dad for you. Sin… just got in the way."

She felt Yuna shudder against her and closed her eyes, feeling the slow thrum of her heart beating in her chest. "I'll tell you all about him, I promise," she whispered, drawing her fingers through Yuna's hair comfortingly and kissing the top of her head, just as Braska had always done. "Anything you want to know, for as long as you need."

Yuna's soft cries subsided, and she turned her cheek onto Rikku's shoulder. "Thanks." She laughed sadly. "It's… almost like I can feel him here with me."

Rikku huffed out an unsteady breath, blinking away her own tears. "Yeah. I know."

.x.x.x.​

The parade of meetings, explanations, sphere calls, and general assurances that yes, she was okay and no, she hadn't gone crazy in the Farplane took all day. She was exhausted by the time night settled in Guadosalam, feeling completely wrung out despite not having fought a single battle at all.

It felt weird, walking through the quiet, empty streets without watching for fiends or a weapon in hand. She imagined exploring Guadosalam with Auron, Braska, and Jecht; marveling at the enormous tree roots and trying to get Jecht not to stare too much at the Guado. She lingered at the Farplane gates, watching the pyreflies slowly twist and twirl behind the stairwell.

"You're not thinking of going back in, are you?" Tidus jogged up, stopping beside her and putting his hands on his hips. "After all the trouble it took to get you outta there!"

Rikku shook her head. "Not really. I have a promise to keep to Yuna now." She side-eyed Tidus, then poked him in the ribs with an elbow. "I dreamed about you while I was there, you know. It was like you were talking to me from the future. Were you?" she asked.

He gave her a goofy smile and a small nod. "We're all connected now. So how's it feel, being the last two aeons left in Spira?"

Three, she thought, but decided to let Jecht surprise Tidus on his own. "Kinda… normal? I don't feel like an aeon at all."

"Yeah, about that," Tidus sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Listen… you need to remember to look the part." He gestured at his hair, which hung in shaggy strands below his ears. "Change your hairstyle every few years. Put some wrinkles in when you notice Yuna or Paine start having them. Maybe a new scar or two somewhere where they can see. If you never change, you won't blend in."

Rikku processed that, looking at Tidus in a new light. "You mean… you're aging just for Yuna's sake?"

"Mm-hmm," he said. He didn't seem bothered by it, crossing his arms behind his head and leaning back.

She turned and sat at along the ledge of the staircase, swinging her feet over the side. It felt nostalgic. "Doesn't it bother you that Yuna will eventually die and move on without you?"

Tidus paced behind her with slow, thoughtful steps. "I'd be lying if I said I was fine with it. But, well…" He sighed. "She brought me here. I don't want to disappoint her or make her sad. So that's why I'm gonna try my best to be exactly what she wants me to be: a normal guy, living a normal life."

Rikku snorted. "Not a blitzball superstar?"

"Naw," Tidus laughed. "That was my old man's thing. I don't mind playing, but Yuna's more important to me than any game." He shrugged. "I'm looking forward to it. Staying by her side, hopefully growing old together too." A shadow passed over him. "I guess I'll still be here when she goes. But… I'm not gonna spoil my time with her right now worrying about what might happen in the future. I deserve some happiness! And Yuna does, too."

He said it so casually, declaring his complete and utter devotion to her cousin; it was like it had never even occurred to him to be any way else. Rikku felt a sudden jolt of fondness for him. "You're just like your dad," she giggled.

"Hey! If you're just gonna insult me, then I'm leaving," Tidus huffed.

"Go run back to Yunie," she laughed at him. "I'll be fine. And Tidus?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the advice." She grinned at him, and he tipped his fingers at her.

"No problem. It'll be our secret!"

"You two trading little secrets already?"

Tidus turned around, scowling.

Gippal strolled up behind him, his grin wolfish. "Didn't think you had it in you, Tidus!" he needled. "Wonder what Yuna would think if she heard you canoodling with Cid's girl like that?"

Tidus fumed silently, glaring at Gippal. He turned back to Rikku, stabbing a finger at her. "You," he declared, "Have awful taste in guys. I'm leaving before whatever's wrong with you rubs off on me. See ya!" He ran off, snickering to himself.

Gippal stared after Tidus, confused. He swung around to look at Rikku. "What was all that about?"

Rikku was too busy covering her cheeks, which were burning red from both embarrassment and indignation. Did Tidus say that just because I used to date Gippal? Or was it because I was seeing Auron, who was kind of like his foster dad? Huh, or maybe he figured out that I kissed Braska, who's technically his father-in-law… Realizing she was only digging herself a bigger hole, she gave up and focused on revenge instead. I'll make him pay later! Belatedly, she noticed Gippal was strolling up to her, acting like he hadn't been camping out in Guadosalam for a year and pining after her like a lovesick puppy.

"It's an inside joke," she grumbled. "What do you want, Gippal?"

"Whoa," he said, taking a step back and holding his hands up. "What's with all the heat, Cid's girl? I was just stopping by." He was definitely going for casual in front of her, but she'd seen his face when he'd thought he was alone.

Do I really have to do this now?

She looked back at the Farplane, thinking wistfully of what it might have been like to grow old together with Auron. After talking with Tidus, the sting of never having had the chance cut deeply. If she closed her eyes, she could still taste Auron's lips on her and feel the weight of him in her arms. And on top of that, she was reeling from the force of Braska's desire; that his consumption with the idea of being in love had resulted in her co-opting his actual soul.

Whatever Gippal was feeling for her felt foreign and unwelcome, like a child playing at the idea of love. The weight of two Pilgrimages had changed her; she knew the matchstick Gippal was trying to light would be burnt to a crisp by the inferno she'd already immolated herself in.

No wonder Auron was so rude to me the first time around, she thought with a wry smile. It tapered off into a feeling of abstract sadness; even the scorn and impatience she was feeling right now she'd learned from him.

"My name's Rikku. I haven't been Cid's little girl for a long time," she said to Gippal tiredly. "And you're not just stopping by. This is the Farplane, if you hadn't noticed. I know how you feel about it."

He bristled. "Well, I thought I knew how you felt about it too, but then you went and threw yourself into it for an entire year!" He stopped himself, then growled. "This isn't what I— look. I'm just trying to say, I'm glad you're back. I was…" His face flushed. "Worried. People were saying you were gone." He looked down at his shoes, scuffing the tip of his boot into the rock. "I don't know what I would've done if you'd died."

She crossed her arms, eying him. "Thanks," she said, and was surprised to find she meant it. "But you still shouldn't have abandoned the Machine Faction. You are the Faction! Spira needs you now more than ever."

Gippal groaned, throwing his arms up. "Great. Not you too! Can't I worry about you even just a little bit without getting grief for it?"

Rikku rolled her eyes and smirked. "You never worried about me before. Why start now?"

He glared at her, his mouth working, before he snapped it shut. "Yeah, whatever," he growled. "I don't know why I even bother. You never take me seriously."

Rikku tensed, looking at the swirls of the pyreflies behind the gate. She felt older now, and wiser. And this time, she heard the hurt in his voice. Had it always been there, when they'd verbally sparred? Maybe; she'd just never bothered to listen for it before.

The nature of love is more expansive than that, her soul whispered to her. Those feelings aren't tied to single persons.

Just because she didn't understand or want Gippal's love – that didn't make it, or the hurt he was feeling, any less real.

"Sorry," she said, walking up to him. He reared back, surprised by her sudden proximity, but she reached out and grabbed his hand. "I do take you seriously. You're the best mechanic I know. You're a good friend and an even better teacher. You took our people and gave them something to work for, something to be proud of. The Machine Faction is changing the way everyone sees the Al Bhed. We're no longer Spira's boogeymen. I love what you've done so far. And I even really did love you once, too." She felt the tremor in his fingers at that. "But I'm not ready for whatever it is you're trying to tell me now." Not when I'm still filled with the sight and the sound and the taste of Auron's memory.

She smiled up at him, squeezing his hand. "Thank you for caring, Gippal. Maybe someday I'll be able to answer your feelings seriously, too. But not today. Of course," she said, releasing him and stepping back, swaying on her heels. "If you'll settle for having me as your friend… I can try to be a better one, this time around."

Gippal stared at her as if he was seeing her for the first time. "You've changed," he said, sounding surprised. "You're all grown up now."

Her grin widened. "Well, it had to happen sometime."

"Huh." His eyes narrowed shrewdly. "You're right. I should be getting back to the Machine Faction. You wanna come with? Being Partners in Crime sounds a lot better than being a Gull-girl."

"Hmpf! Negotiate my release of contract from the Gullwings with Brother first. Then we'll talk," she said, smirking. Turning around, she looked back at the Farplane and put a hand to her lips, blowing out a soft kiss.

Can you see me now, Auron? This is my story, and I'm gonna try my best.



A/N:
E druikrd oui fana kuha! Vunajan! = I thought you were gone! Forever!
Rao, rao, ed'c ugyo. Crr. E's rana huf. E's rana. = Hey, hey, it's okay. Shh. I'm here now. I'm here.

 

[Murazor]

82: Return to Form

Click to shrink...

Hmmm...

I am not exactly sure of when it was that I first started reading this fic, but at least 2008, since I left a tentative rec for the story in a SB thread.

Seeing this finished after the better part of two decades is kind of amazing, beyond even things like the eventual completion of Hearts of Ice in the Ranma fandom.

 

[Enkida]

Hmmm...

I am not exactly sure of when it was that I first started reading this fic, but at least 2008, since I left a tentative rec for the story in a SB thread.

Seeing this finished after the better part of two decades is kind of amazing, beyond even things like the eventual completion of Hearts of Ice in the Ranma fandom.

Click to shrink...

Wow, a romance actually got rec'd on a site like SB? I'm honored, I never pegged this story for being the kind of read that typically attracts the sort of fandom audience these forums tend to gather. Well, I hope it was enjoyable all the way to the end! Thanks for letting me know.

Also, hh my god, comparing this to Hearts of Ice. I feel like a member of the fanfiction old guard now, haha. I probably am! *files for Guinness World Record for longest-running fanfic*

....


Anyway. Epilogue incoming. Usual "well, uh, crap, I didn't see that, what a huge mistake" edit disclaimers apply.

Some final (maybe? famous last words?) thoughts about writing this behemoth:

It's amazing how fast this story wrote itself out once I made it past all of the final battle scenes.

I've really enjoyed working on this story over the years. Most of my most prolific fanfiction writing in the past came from the unhappiest times in my life, when things would happen in reality that I wanted to take a break from. This fic is no different. I started it on a whim it in an attempt to escape the real world grief of losing a friend, and I expected I'd reach the end in just a few months' time, like most of my other fanfictions. But the characters just came to life and kept writing themselves out, and suddenly, I got invested in making all of them have a story worth reading.

Well, I don't know if I managed that, but if you're reading this still, I guess I did? I promised at the start of this story that I'd finish it, and then I let all those bad things in my life stop me from fulfilling that promise for nearly two decades. I apologize to anyone who'd read this before and was waiting for me to make good on that promise; I hope it was worth the wait.

Drop a like or a word or two if you enjoyed the story; it's the only way I really know anyone's still reading this, in this new, brave, less communicative fanfiction world. Although I really just wrote this story for me, I have to admit it really makes my day to see other people enjoying it too.

Also, if this story inspired you in any way -- even just to tear your hair out and go "NO! NO, I NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE THAT, WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" -- please, go on and write something. Make your own story. Fix mine. Make the OTP that you actually wanted to see instead. Take out the smushy romantic stuff and make it the bromance roadtrip that it should've been.

Really, just write. Get those words out there. You never know what you're capable of doing unless you try! Plus, I've been on a mandatory, self-imposed FFX fanfiction hiatus for nearly 20 years while writing my own story. I want to read your stories, now, too.

Alright, that's enough soapboxing. Thank you, and enjoy!

 

[Enkida]

83: Epilogue (Memento Vivere)​

"I didn't think I'd see the day the Al Bhed would be defending Bevelle," Tidus said conversationally.

Rikku laughed and was about to reply when another explosion shook the airship. Stumbling for balance, she swung around, worried. "You guys!?"

Yuna picked herself up and grimaced, then went for her dressphere. "They can't knock me off if I can fly." Light shone, and then crackled and exploded, revealing Yuna in all of her white-haired, flower-petal glory. "I've got this one covered!" she yelled bravely, rising into the air.

Tidus let out a happy sigh watching his wife don her Floral Fallal costume, his eyes going dreamy. Rikku rolled her own. "Brother! Ra haynmo kud ic! Byo yddahdeuh!" she yelled, shaking her fist.

The Fahrenheit's speakers crackled, and Brother's voice rolled over them. "I KNOW! They try to hit Palace! We dodge, tower go boom!"

"I won't let you destroy our peace!" Yuna yelled, rising higher into the air, the petals of the enormous flower she summoned whipping in the wind as her feet rose higher and higher off the ground. Sweeping her arm around, she conjured a barrage of pure magic that concentrated into fierce, whirling discs before her outstretched hand. Beams of energy shot out, one after the other, slamming into the Celsius above them.

The airship rocked and veered off course, smoking.

"Nice hit, Yuna!" Gippal called out, kneeling as he aimed his mortar and added to the fire. "I think we got 'em running!"

Rikku squinted, watching the thick, black smoke spurt from the old airship. Its spinning wheel was starting to slow down, and her eyes widened. "We hit it a little too good!" she said, running towards the edge of the ship and looking over the side. Bevelle stretched before her, well on its way to becoming a proper metropolis in the decades since the Eternal Calm. "They're gonna crash!"

"Aww, shit," Gippal said, noting how the Celsius had changed its trajectory. It was on a collision course for Bevelle's Palace. "They wanna go out with bang," he swore. "Brother! Warn Nooj and Baralai! They have to evacuate, NOW!"

The speakers crackled. "No time! Paine! Paine is-"

Yuna gasped, losing her dressphere and falling towards the deck. Tidus caught her.

They watched Paine stride out onto the platform, lights swirling around her, surrounding her in her graceful, crane-like Full Throttle costume. Swords whirled over her head, arranging themselves in a diamond-shaped array before her.

"That's not a defensive dressphere!" Rikku said, her breath catching in her throat.

True to form, Paine went on the offensive, flapping her wings and sending shards of ice shooting towards the Celsius.

Tidus squinted as Paine sent wave after wave towards the burning missile in its kamikaze dive. "She's not trying to stop the Celsius! She's just trying to keep it from exploding!"

"We gotta stop them!" Gippal was on his knees, his eye wide, no trace of humor left on his face. "Nooj! Baralai!" he yelled hoarsely.

"Paine! No!" Yuna screamed, twisting in Tidus' arms.

His face contorted in pain, watching her suffer. "Yuna," he said, making his decision and letting her go.

Rikku saw them all, these people that she'd grown to call her family, fighting for their lives yet again. Maybe not to save the world this time, but at least themselves and the new peace they'd worked so hard to build.

There was Tidus, just like before, ready to give up his life as a human and sacrifice himself for Yuna's happiness.

Gippal was pounding the deck, swearing, and with each hit she heard how much he loved them: Nooj, Baralai, and Paine. How he believed he was going to watch them all die because he'd failed to protect them.

And Yuna, crumpled against Tidus, weeping because someone she cared about was slipping out of her grasp, once again.

There wasn't really any time for nostalgia, though; the Celsius was on a crash course with the Palace, after all.

She leapt and caught Tidus before he could jump off of the Fahrenheit. "Sit this one out," she said, shoving him back down next to Yuna.

He understood instantly, his face filling with shame-faced gratitude for the continued chance she was granting him to stay with his wife. His arms wrapped around Yuna. "Sorry…"

"What? What're you doing?" Yuna asked, her eyes going wide as light flared around Rikku.

It was understandable; Rikku hadn't worn a dressphere in her Garment Grid since her return from the Farplane, so many years ago. There shouldn't have been anything to activate, but still, her exosuit was climbing over her skin, encasing her in the armor she hadn't used since she'd carried Auron across half of Spira in her arms.

Gippal finally noticed; his mouth dropped open. "Rikku?"

"I love you, Yunie." She smiled. "Say… sorry to Brother and Paine for me, okay?" Then she jumped off the deck. The mechanical wheel forming on her back turned, and she shot after the falling Celsius, feeling her limbs stretch and lock, her body distending and reshaping itself into Eden's larger, winged form. She wondered, with a faint sense of misplaced vanity, if she was making a striking impression on everybody else. Then she hit the Celsius and it didn't matter anymore. Metal screeched against metal and she shuddered in pain, feeling her limbs bend and groan from the shock of the impact. She twisted them as they fell, narrowly missing the tower. She caught a fleeting glimpse of Paine's surprised face, before she was fighting again, fighting for clearance, fighting to keep the Celsius from hitting the densely populated city below.

They took out the tops of a few of the higher skyscrapers before, with one last heave, she managed to push the ice-encrusted, smoking Celsius into the sea beyond. When they hit the water, the Celsius exploded, and her view screen blacked out, her metallic body disintegrating from the force of the blast.

.x.x.x.​

When she opened her eyes again, it was to pastel skies, and the soft hum of pyreflies singing overhead. Sitting up, she stretched and rolled her shoulders. "Huh," she said, testing her limbs. "I thought dying would hurt a little more than it did."

"You know you're not actually dead. But try the real thing sometime, you might be surprised."

"Auron!" She jumped up when she saw him, unable to stop her smile from blooming. "I missed you!" She threw herself at him.

He caught her and spun her around with a laugh, settling her gently among the wildflowers, and leaned over to kiss her.

"Mmm," she mumbled, melting into him. "I missed this," she breathed as he dug his fingers into her hair, pulling her tight.

"As did I. Rikku," he said, breathing her name like a benediction, a soft release of longing, devotion, and desire.

They spent some time entangled together, in the endless stillness of the Farplane. A moment, or maybe a lifetime? She couldn't tell and didn't care, and neither did he, from the feel of it.

When he finally drew back, she smiled wistfully at him. "It wasn't the same without you there. I never did manage to fall in love that hard ever again, you know. You ruined me for everybody else!"

He shrugged, but she saw a touch of pride in the motion. "Regardless. You had a good life."

"I did," she sighed, latching onto his elbow and leaning into his shoulder. "I'm glad I lived it. It felt... good. Even when it got hard sometimes. It was worth it."

"Hnn," was all he said, his fingers resting on her arm.

She turned her face into his shoulder. "You must be tired now."

There was a brief silence, and then a grunt of assent. "I am."

She squeezed his hand. "Then go now. I'll keep an eye out for you," she promised.

"Thank you," he said. "I love you."

She smiled, releasing him. And then he was gone, and she was sitting alone by her Fayth stone, watching the wildflowers gently bob in the absence of any breeze.

.x.x.x.​

Boredom was the main reason Eden materialized on the plateau. Jecht and Alexander were beginning to wear thinly on her nerves; they were always exhorting her to keep pace with the world of mortals. Usually they'd come at intervals, each invested in living their own very human lives outside of the Farplane every so often. Still, it was a rare occurrence that the two would disappear at the same time, leaving her completely alone. It was likely because Alexander had felt something, or maybe seen something out there. He'd left unexpectedly, as prone as he was to flights of fancy. He always seemed to be chasing after the certain color of a soul he'd grown fond of.

Of course, there were still the other mortal souls who passed through the Farplane. Their company was fine enough, but inevitably fleeting. When their stays weren't, usually heroes would appear and call upon their aid to make sure those stubborn beings moved on, willing or not. It was the way of things; it kept Spira from sliding into decay. That had actually happened once long ago; they'd all taken part in correcting it. She could hardly remember.

So she waited, and watched. Mortal souls passed in and out of the Farplane like flower petals being blown along the wind; entertaining and pretty, but never lasting. Her two aeon companions were her only constants, and she found herself growing lonely without their company.

After a long, solitary while of considering their advice, and with the feeling of moving muscles left long dormant, she stretched and brought herself back. It took a moment to remember what being human felt like; a faint memory of Alexander insisting on change being the most human thing of all prompted her to dig deep.

She gave herself wild, blonde hair, piled high in a ponytail atop her head. Green eyes; those had always been hers, she knew. After some consideration, a bright orange tube top, held in place by two wide straps, and a pair of green shorts felt appropriate. The rest came rapidly after that; a scarf, some stockings, a pair of gloves… A flight of whimsy had her weaving a phoenix down into one of her braids.

Her boots hit the ground and she blinked, taking the time to get used to the new, smaller dimensions of her adolescent body. Wriggling her fingers, she grinned. Life outside of the Farplane was always so much brighter and more tactile than she remembered; she enjoyed the intensely physical feel of it, swaying on her feet and soaking in the sensation.

I wonder how many years passed since I was last here…?

There was a droning voice behind her; half-turning, she spotted an old man, steeped with age, dressed in archaic robes. He was relaying parts of Spira's long history to an audience of tourists of all ages. Some looked bored, others listened in rapt attention.

"…They say the pyreflies are just reacting to visitors' thoughts and dreams. But only the dead appear on the Farplane. No images of the living have ever been seen. It's a great mystery! But maybe… the dead leave a bit of themselves in the hearts of the living. And that little bit borrows the pyreflies' power for their paranormal performance! Or maybe not. Who knows?"

She squinted; he sounded familiar. Shrugging, she took his words to heart and turned to look over the Farplane, searching within herself. Blurred figures misted before her, never truly taking shape. She had the faint impression of them, though, tickling at her memory. Three men who shared her features. Family? She smiled fondly at the one with the spiked hair, her tongue catching on a name. Brother.

They shifted, changing. A woman in a long black dress and… her husband, yes. Large, loud, red hair. The teenager between them sharing his father's red hair and his mother's pale skin. And there… a blue lion? Ronso, her memory provided, and the image solidified a little more. He wore a stately white beard and bore an unusual, broken horn.

"Ah! I see, you are thinking of the Last Pilgrimage!" The old man's voice cut across her thoughts, dissolving the images. She turned to look at him more closely, her eyebrows rising.

Not what you seem, old soul, she thought. But the usual stench of decay and maliciousness wasn't there; odd. Well. It wasn't her place to interfere unless the heroes of the age called upon her, and this creature seemed largely harmless.

"The Lady Yuna brought to Spira the Eternal Calm, with the help of her six Guardians!"

That brought a jolt to her; much closer and much more familiar. "Yuna," she whispered, and it sounded wrong on her tongue. She tuned out the old man and looked at the Farplane, trying hard to remember. Something within her stirred hotly; of course she couldn't forget Yuna. She could never forget.

"Yunie," she said, her voice sliding back into its proper register. Her image refused to form, even though Eden's memory was clear.

She thought suddenly of Alexander. And squinted. Not Alexander. Tidus. He, too, remained unsurprisingly absent from her Farplane wishes. "Still in love with her, aren't you," she murmured, feeling her lips stretch into a warm smile.

In love, she thought, and was surprised to find a different image forming. Blue eyes… familiar ones. A summoner, in long, sweeping robes.

"Ah, High Summoner Braska," the old man said. "The Lady Yuna's father, who had also defeated Sin. It is said he set her upon her fateful path, joined by his legendary Guardians."

She placed her hand on her chest, knowing why he was there. He stared at her, a half-smile lighting his kind eyes, and it felt like she was looking at herself. Of course, neither she nor Jecht appeared next to him. But… there had been another, hadn't there.

She felt her heart stutter; a growing awareness of an absence that she hadn't realized was there. A sense of panic that she'd forgotten, forgotten something very important.

There was a third. But no matter how her mind grasped for it, he wouldn't appear.

"You should stop trying," a young voice told her. "Nobody knows what they look like or remembers their names."

A memory surfaced. "Intriguing, how High Summoner Dysley's name has gone down in history as a hero, yet my own is forgotten." She felt a chill run down her back.

"It's amazing that you even got one of them to appear. They still have a few of those old statues of him around, though. You must've seen them! Maybe that's what he looked like after all."

"No, I'm sure," she said, crossing her arms and looking back at Braska. "That's him. That's Lord Braska."

A snort. She turned her head to look at the boy a few years younger than her speaking, and had to keep herself from taking a step back. "Yeah, right. He's got my eyes. You probably just saw my face and pasted it onto him."

Braska's bright blue eyes were glaring at her. But it wasn't Braska – her mind stuttered, trying to match those eyes to the boy's stocky build. His black hair was a little unruly, but he'd tried to tame it into a short ponytail, at least. It didn't stop a few stubborn strands at his forehead from falling loose to frame his face.

She felt another twinge in her chest, a flutter of memory. She had to catch herself before remembering how to respond.

"Big talk coming from somebody younger than me," she told him, crossing her arms. "It's not like you know what Braska really looked like either! Someone's a little full of himself. And why would I take your face anyhow? I could be getting my inspiration from anywhere. How would you know? Huh? Huh?"

He scowled at her, matching her pose, and then looked back up at the image of Braska she'd summoned. The scowl slid off his face gradually. "… No. You're right," he sighed. "I don't know why I said that. I guess I just felt protective of his memory. It doesn't seem right… that people are forgetting them," he trailed off more thoughtfully. Then he shook his head and met her eyes, contrite. "I shouldn't have picked a fight with you. I don't usually go around insulting random girls I meet on the Farplane." He looked at the ground and scowled again, more at himself than her. "Especially since it's hard finding people who still care about ancient history these days. ... Sorry."

That fluttering feeling in her chest knew even before her mind remembered his name.

It's you.

"It's… okay." She swallowed around the tightness in her throat, and managed to ask, "What's your name?"

He looked up, surprised that she still wanted to talk to him. "Aaron." He winced and hunched his shoulders. "Don't laugh. My parents are historians. They wanted to name me after one of the legendary guardians, but like I said... nobody really remembers who they were anymore. So I got stuck with this weird name. It's probably a mistranslation."

"There's nothing wrong with it," she said softly. "That's just your name. It's who you are inside that counts."

He met her gaze at that, surprised. The scowl softened into genuine curiosity. "Uh. Right. What's your name?"

She hesitated. It'd been so long since anyone had called her anything but Eden. But Rikku was long gone, and so was Auron. This was the beginning of a new story. A new beginning, for both of them. Together, this time.

"Rika. My name's Rika. Nice to meet you," she said with a sunny smile.



A/N:
Ra haynmo kud ic! Byo yddahdeuh! / He nearly got us! Pay attention!

Yuna's dressphere ability: Floral Fallal: Great Whirl
Paine's dressphere abilities: Full Throttle: Sinistral Arts (Steel Feather, Diamond Feather), Throttle (Winterkill)

Rika's outfit is the original design for Rikku in Kingdom Hearts, before they scrapped Rikku and threw in Yuffie in her place instead.

 

[Enkida]

This isn't an update. The final polished chapters are finally getting published on AO3 / Fanfiction, which really signals the end of my work on this fiction, so I cleaned up my increasingly lengthy end notes and separated them out from the epilogue. Enjoy some worldbuilding nerdery unrelated to the story events.

Annotations​

All About Aeons

It's probably obvious already, but Tidus' aeon form is called Alexander (FFIX). I know, it seems like he'd be a Leviathan, it makes sense and there's even fan art for that, but Leviathan already existed before Tidus did in this Spira.

Jecht's aeon form is still called Jecht. Go figure, because he's Jecht! Less facetiously, he was created with Yu Yevon's entire massive ego, so I think he'd keep his own name through the ages.

About aeons that survived the destruction of Yu Yevon: in this story, they're able to continue existing because they're sustained by the collective consciousness of Spirans, and they didn't fight and get consumed by Yu Yevon. That means every aeon that Yuna brought to the final battle with Sin should have permanently died. Game canon messes with this theory, though, by repeatedly bringing especially Bahamut back as a narrative element.

This story quietly assumes Yuna found every optional aeon, absorbed them, and then used them in the final battle. But technically… no one ever had to actually pick up the optional aeons to finish the game. If you want to imagine Yuna never bonded with the three optional aeons (Anima, Yojimbo, and The Magus Sisters) even after finding them, then they'd still be around. Also, it could be that Braska and Yuna never found all of the hidden aeons that Spira created over the course of nearly a thousand years, so there may be even more than three aeons left in Spira. Who knows if Phoenix, Carbuncle, Kujata, Titan, Fenrir or any of the other possibilities still lie sleeping in wait for someone to find one day?

In the canon game, the major aeons all have nicknames as the "God of [something]." I took this and ran with it as a reason for them to gain the powers they had, because it was something all of Spira believed in. Bahamut's ability to transcend death might be related to the attribute I gave to him for this story; canonically, he's only referred to as "The King of All Aeons." But in my opinion, his attributes are Space / Time, which is why he's able to transcend his own death somewhat and facilitate Rikku's time travel. The rest are as you might expect. Some of these attributes are game canon, and some I just extrapolated: Ifrit is Fire, Shiva is Ice, Ixion is Thunder / Lightning, Valefor is Wind, Anima is Pain / Suffering, Yojimbo is Greed / Ego, the Magus Sisters are Innocence / Will, and Leviathan was Water / Memory. Leviathan's loss was a bigger blow to Spira than anyone realized! All of these aeons held pieces of their original summoners' souls to be able to continue existing in Spira. The only ones we know about in this story, though, are Belgemine and Seymour. One might guess that Bahamut is possibly holding a piece of Yu Yevon or Yunalesca's soul, too, but that's a whole other can of worms, isn't it?

What is sustaining our last three known aeons in Spira?

First we have Tidus, who was brought back by Yuna. He's able to exist because Yuna gave him part of her soul, and able to stay in Spira because he is sustained by Hope / Joy. Alexander is basically a fortress with angel wings, and in every game he's appeared in, he basically defends something with his holy power, which is why I thought it was an appropriate match.

Then we have Rikku, who was brought back by Braska. She's able to exist because Braska gave her a part of his soul, and she's able to stay in Spira because she's sustained by Potential / Possibility, as stated in the story. She's not the strongest aeon (that would be Jecht), but she's considered the most powerful aeon in the story because she's the only one who is able to continue to develop, grow, and change like a human being would, even as an aeon. I like tying her to Eden because she's an Al Bhed, and also because nothing speaks to me more about possibility than space travel.

Finally, we have Jecht, who was brought back by the Hypello community. He's able to exist because Braska gave him a part of his soul, and he's able to stay in Spira because he's sustained by Battle / War. Rikku joked in the story about Jecht coming back as the God of Blitzball, but honestly… he's always been a warrior to me, only he fought his battles on a sports field. It's a bit dark for a personality as sunny as Jecht's was, but he's had his moments of darkness, too. Particularly the ones covered in the canonical game, where he strategically chose to stop holding back Yu Yevon's destructive tendencies to show Tidus that they needed to be killed. Of course, I also noticed that no-one ever Sent Jecht after he got taken down by the party. Which is why in this story, with his unique non-human constitution, he actually lived and was able to come back to Spira as an aeon.

So what happened to Auron, Braska, and Jecht?

I know I wasn't very explicit about their ultimate fates, and I do enjoy letting readers imagine what might have happened in between the spaces of the story I wrote. But after reading some feedback, I'm putting here what I imagine happened to them during and after the final battle with Sin.

Auron survived the battle with Sin, though he did lose his eye. He even survived the battle with Yunalesca. What he didn't survive was overextending himself by using curatives when his body needed rest. That almost happened to Braska once early on at the beginning of the story en route to obtaining Shiva, but Rikku managed to prop him up using her dressphere alchemy. Auron literally died from overworking himself, because that's how he dealt with his grief at his perceived failure to protect everyone. And then he came back as an Unsent to work some more! Tired doesn't even begin to describe how he must have felt after all that time.

Unsent Auron joined Yuna's Pilgrimage and acted as a guide to the rest of the party, much the same way Rikku did for Braska's Pilgrimage. No, he never got nasty with 15-year-old Rikku even though she was crushing on him. For one, he's a good guy. For two, he himself was taken advantage of by an older woman when he was 16, and he knew exactly what it was like to be traumatized in that way. So no, he didn't perv on child-Rikku, he just suffered. I'm sorry, Auron. (Not really.)

I've been asked whether or not Braska came back after splitting his soul two ways. While I like to leave that open to interpretation – after all, Aaron had Braska's eyes – in my head, he is the only character who actually died a true death. There might have been bits and pieces of him left to join the "cycle of reincarnation" in Spira, but for the most part, his soul really was destroyed when he spit it two ways, which was one too many. It's a cruel fate, and I'm sorry to all the Braska fans out there who were hoping he'd somehow end up with Rikku.

I have mixed feelings about the Braska I wrote – I enjoyed him as a character, but I never really stopped thinking of him as a little bit selfish and obsessed, even if no one else recognized those traits. It is in part because he worked hard on his image to counter them, but in the end… he still chose himself over his family when he decided to become a summoner. I've noticed a trend of the greatest geniuses doing that in the real world, refusing to sacrifice their ambition / work for the sake of their personal lives and family, and I think Braska fits in well with those people. That doesn't mean he was a bad person; if anything, I'd imagine he was a bit like Hayao Miyazaki and Yuna was his Goro. (And for the record, I think Goro Miyazaki has talent, too, even though he's not his father.)

As for Jecht… well, what is there to say? According to the poll I took, he's everyone's favorite character by a large margin, and I'm quite okay with that. As Yu Yevon said, he created Jecht to be "perfect." If the readers still think he's the GOAT of this story, then Yu Yevon must've done it right!

If I had one major regret about how I wrote Jecht, it's that I didn't mention the rest of his family enough. Sure, we all know intimately about Tidus, but Anne was just as important to him. She never really fit into the narrative, though, and more importantly, by focusing on Jecht's determination to save Tidus, I felt it was a nice contrast to Braska's inability to be a father for Yuna. Also I regret not being able to give the explicit shout-out to Shadow Hearts by mentioning Jecht and Tidus's last name, which was Hyuga. The one minor regret I have about writing Jecht is that I feel like I didn't research alcoholism enough to properly represent his character when he still had an addiction, and how dealt with his recovery afterwards. That's a dark place to tread, though, and there's more than enough dark drama in this fiction to deal with.

If you've got questions or theories about this unique version of Spira, feel free to share them with me! I spent nearly 20 years thinking about this place, after all. I enjoy nerding out about it! And thanks for reading with me all the way to the end. You guys are the best. <3


*NB: There's also a Jecht Writes Friendfiction Part 3 on AO3, but it's way too smutty to ever get aired here. If you like to get your freak on, you can read it over there though, LOL.

 

[Enkida]

Hey everybody.

I'm making an AU sequel to this as a gift-fic for a reader who argued very strongly for it. I'm quite content with the original story and how it ended, and consider this to be straight into Alternate Universe territory, but for those of you who wanted more Auron, Braska, and Jecht, well... here you go I guess.

This story is a straight up gift for Falisse, who's been reading MV for nearly all 15 years now, maybe all 20. I hope you get your happy ending.

Chronologically, this takes place after the last chapter, but before the epilogue. Just disregard the epilogue and just pick up from the last chapter. I expect this story will run about 10 chapters long. I'm probably wrong about that but it's a plan.

As usual Sufficient Velocity is getting the working version of this story, and I might change things after publishing here, before putting it up on AO3 / FF.net. Feedback always was and and still is welcome. There is no regular update schedule, I'm still drawing a comic at the same time too!

The tentative working title for the sequel is "Ad Vitam Aeternam" which means "For Eternity." Not such a big fan of Latin titles anymore, but I thought I'd stick to a theme here. The title may change if I find a better one somewhere along the line.

 

[Enkida]

Ad Vitam Aeternam
a sequel​

​

Chapter 1: Besaid

A warm russet gaze regarded her with fond intensity. It pierced into her very soul; its owner knew her inside and out. The skin at the corner of his good eye creased as he smiled at her; a small detail that hadn't existed when he was younger and smooth-skinned. Now, though, bits and pieces of his older appearance remained, such as the tufts of white in his unruly hair and his myriad of scars. They were reminders of the long adventure he'd had in Spira, much of it on borrowed time.

"I hope you have a happy life." Rather than using his mouth, he smiled at her with his voice, grown rich and deep with age like a fine wine. The slight tilt to his lips was the only hint of the expression on his face, other than that searing look. "Find your way. I know you will."

She sucked in her breath sharply, a lance of longing and regret chasing through her after it.

"Rikku? You daydreamin' again?"

Blinking, Rikku caught herself and smiled widely at Wakka. "Sorry! I'm all here, really!"

Wakka frowned and gave her a sidelong glance. "You sure? You looked a little funny in the head for a minute there, ya? If you're not feeling so good, you don't need to do this right now. S'not like he and Lu are goin' anywhere soon, y'know!"

Rikku shook her head rapidly, her beaded braids clacking against her cheeks. The sting brought her completely back to the present. "No, no, I'm good! Take me to him!" she said, raising a hand and dancing in place.

Wakka beamed proudly and ushered her past the colorful hanging curtain and into the darkened hut. The cool air inside was a relief from the humid heat of Besaid. Lulu looked up from the bed, her tired eyes glinting as she smiled. The bundle in her arms shifted.

"Is that him?" Rikku breathed, creeping closer, her eyes wide.

Lulu gave her a soft nod, pulling back the swaddling blanket to reveal a ruddy, round-cheeked cherub. A tuft of bright red hair sticking straight up from the top of the baby's tiny head made Rikku giggle.

"Aww… you look just like your pops, Chappu!" she cooed, reaching out with a finger and gently smushing the baby's nose.

"Got that right," Wakka said proudly, folding his arms over his chest and preening. "He's gonna be just as good-lookin' as his old man."

"Right down the chubbiness!" Rikku added for good measure, this time eliciting a chuckle from Lulu and an indignant sputter from Wakka. "I'm just kidding," she added, stroking little Chappu's cheek, and feeling another twinge in her chest as the baby's eyes popped open to stare at her. "You're gonna be even better looking than your dad. You've got your mom's eyes."

"You're both wrong. He looks like me," a high voice chirruped. Vidina stepped out from behind the bed, hands on his hips and a wide, gap-toothed grin on his face. The boy looked down at his newborn brother proudly, as if he'd personally played a part in Chappu's arrival. "Magic or blitzing, I'm gonna make sure my little brudda is the best at whatever he does!"

"It's a little early to start talking about blitzball, don't you think?" said Lulu, pulling the baby close to her chest.

"No way!" Wakka and Vidina shouted at the same time, causing Chappu's eyes to fly open and a loud wail to erupt from his mouth.

"All right. That's enough. The both of you, out," Lulu ordered with practiced sternness, the weariness leaving her eyes for a much sharper look. Both Wakka and Vidina jumped and started edging towards the exit. "I just remembered I gotta help out at the temple," Vidina said. "Later, ma!"

Wakka's face screwed up as his son made a hasty escape, clearly having had his own excuse stolen. "Yeah, well, I, uh, I'm gonna make sure Dina stays outta trouble," he fumbled. He did pause at the curtain, looking back over his shoulder fondly at his wife and child. "You just send Rikku after me if you need anythin', Lu," he added, his voice suffused with warmth.

"Go on," Lulu told him, suppressing a tiny smile. "We need to have some girl time." She tilted her head down and rocked Chappu, soothing the wailing baby back into a contented doze. "You don't mind, do you, Chappu?" she asked, her voice softening into the cadence of motherhood.

Rikku sat back on her heels, watching them and tamping down on her urge to fidget.

I wanted this, she thought, a brief flash of jealousy grasping her. It left as quickly as it came, leaving a lingering aftermath of pain in its wake, the tingle of an old wound stirred. There wasn't any use dwelling on it, though. Six years was a long time to be nursing a grudge, and Auron hadn't asked for her to spend her time being bitter.

Still, even thinking his name made something inside her ache with regret.

"You know," Lulu said as she gently laid the slumbering baby to rest in the wicker crib. "Yuna's been worried about you. I can't blame her. You've been… distracted." Lulu's voice was soft, careful not to wake the baby, but some of the steel returned as she sat back and directed a thoughtful look towards Rikku. "You're not a child anymore, Rikku, even if you act like one."

"Hey! Are you calling me immature?" Rikku shot back, her fierce words completely neutered by the subdued tone she relayed them in, mindful of the sleeping baby. "I'm twenty-six already! I do not act like a child!"

"Really," Lulu whispered, amusement sparking. "Then why are you always competing with Vidina to see who's the better blitzer? He's ten, Rikku. There's no glory in besting a ten-year-old at a game."

Rikku felt her lower lip jutting out in a pout and quickly sucked it back in. The smirk on Lulu's face told her the other woman had already noticed, though. "He's good for a ten-year-old, you know? It's not as easy as you make it out to be. Dina really could have a future in Luca!"

"I'm aware, and I try not to think about it," Lulu sighed. "But I didn't ask you to come here to discuss my oldest son's prospects as professional blitzball player."

"Yeah, I thought you asked me to come here to meet your youngest son," Rikku said, staring at Chappu with a wistful gaze. "He's beautiful."

"Thank you," Lulu smiled. "And I did. But I also wanted to ask you why you're still here."

Rikku leaned back on her stool, tearing her attention away from the baby to slouch and fold her arms over her chest, giving Lulu her best unimpressed stare. "You want me out that badly? Is that it?"

Sighing, Lulu folded a patterned blanket over her son, swaddling him tightly. "Nothing of the sort," she said as she worked. "You'll always be welcome here." She glanced up from Chappu to peer at Rikku. "You're family."

If it had come from Wakka, Yuna, or Tidus, Rikku might have taken that statement as a comforting platitude. Coming from Lulu she knew better, though. It was the woman's subtle way of prodding at the sore wound of her strained relationship with Cid. Shaking her head, Rikku pushed the dark thoughts of her father away.

"I know," she admitted with a soft sigh. "And I'm thankful that you guys are here for me. Especially with Cid being such a butt about the Al Bhed right now," she admitted, kicking her toe into the woven carpet. "But… it's just…"

Lulu nodded slowly, encouraging her to continue.

"Family," Rikku finally admitted, taking another long look at Chappu's face as he slept. "That's exactly it. That's what I'm missing. I want to have my own family, not just be a tag-along to yours."

Leaning back against the headboard, Lulu let out a melodic hum. "Tidus mentioned that you once told him you wanted to start a large family of your own." She paused, her heavy stare making Rikku squirm in her seat. "You'd need to find someone you love enough to create one with first."

Rikku winced, hunching even lower in her stool. "I know. I already know that," she mumbled, dreading what was coming next. Be calm, Rikku. Keep it in.

Lulu cleared her throat. "You know, Gippal –"

Screw being calm!

Rikku shot up off of the stool like it was on fire. Her hands were in the air, and it was only at the last second that she was able to keep the words from flying out of her mouth in a high shriek. Instead, they came out as an angry, choked whisper.

"Not you too! Absolutely not! Don't even go there! I don't know why everyone keeps trying to set me up with him when I already said I wasn't interested!" she squeaked, her face turning red from the effort of reigning in her temper.

Lulu sighed, taking a cautious glance at the sleeping baby before turning a narrow-eyed glare back at her. "Because he adores you, Rikku, and you…" She trailed off, bringing her fingers to her mouth as if to seal her lips shut.

Rikku dropped her hands to her hips, brows lowering. "What?" she whispered fiercely.

After a moment, Lulu's gaze hardened. "You obviously want to be adored," she whispered back. "Why are you torturing yourself by staying here? With us? We all know this island is too small for your dreams. If even the leader of the Machine Faction can't impress you, what do you hope to accomplish by staying in this village?"

There was a warning there; Rikku heard it loud and clear, wincing. Family or not, Lulu considered Yuna to be like a sister to her. And everyone knew of Rikku's close friendship with Tidus. Of course, no one, not even Yuna, knew why they shared that bond – it wasn't as though she could go around telling everyone else that she was an aeon just like him, after all. The unfortunate consequence of that deception, however, was the fact that it looked like Rikku was stubbornly staying in Besaid for one reason only. One reason that was very happily married to her cousin, Yuna.

Deflating, Rikku thumped back into the stool and dropped her head into her hands. It wasn't as if Lulu was wrong – she was squirreling herself away in Besaid to nurse a broken heart. It just wasn't for Tidus. Of course, telling everyone she was mourning the loss of Auron would be met with even more disbelief than admitting she wasn't human anymore. Beneath her palms, a wry smile bloomed.

I had small dreams once. She thought of baby Chappu, imagining that his hair was black, and his eyes were green.

Shaking her head, she looked up. Lulu was still waiting for her answer.

"I'm not going to try to steal Yunie's husband from her, alright? Tidus and I are just friends. Anything else would be way too eww," she muttered, wrinkling her nose.

Lulu narrowed her eyes, her look still contemplative. After a moment, she relented. "I think I actually believe you, Rikku. But I still can't understand you." She shook her head. "If it's not about Tidus, then why are you still here? You're not getting any younger, and you're certainly not getting any happier by chaining yourself to this island." She reached out and grabbed Rikku's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "If you can't find what you want here, then maybe you should look for it out there."

Rikku let out a soft laugh, some tension seeping out of her as she returned the gesture. "I spent most of my life traveling, Lulu. You think maybe I just want to settle down?"

"Probably someday. But not today," Lulu replied archly. "Why don't you take a break? Go on a vacation. Besaid isn't exactly on the cutting edge of the latest machina developments. I'm sure we could get by even without you here to teach us."

"Humph," Rikku teased, rolling her eyes. "So you are kicking me out. Did Yuna put you up to this?"

Lulu's smile was frank. "Yes," she admitted readily. "She thought that seeing Chappu would soften the blow. Did it work?"

"Yeah." Rikku allowed herself to pout while stealing another look at the sleeping baby. "Cheaters." She leaned back and blew out a sigh. "I know you're right. I'm just… scared."

That took Lulu by surprise. "Scared? Of what, exactly?"

Rikku shook her head. "Scared that I won't find what I'm looking for out there. That I'll see everything, and it still won't be enough, and then where will that leave me?" Right back where I started when it all began. Missing Auron.

"Hmm." Lulu's low voice cut across her thoughts, breaking her out of her impending funk. "That doesn't sound like you."

"What?"

Lulu shrugged, nestling into her blankets and making herself comfortable. "It's a valid question. Maybe you won't find what you're searching for beyond the shores of Besaid. Maybe you'll never find what you're searching for." She yawned, and then allowed Rikku to see one of her brief, rare smiles. "But I've never known you to be so timid as to be ruled by your fears."

Rikku blinked. "Well, when you put it that way-" she fumbled, caught off-guard by the other woman's unexpected compliment.

"I am putting it that way," Lulu replied, brooking no room for argument. "Rikku. We love you very much, but you're obviously not happy here. Perhaps it's time to spread your wings and fly again."

"Spread my wings, huh?" She suppressed a shiver, knowing just how literal that statement could get. Still… Lulu's words were getting to her. Maybe it was time to leave, see something new. Anything to snap her out of the slow, insidious depression that was creeping over her the longer she spent around the happy couples of Besaid. "Well, we'll see. As long as I don't end up traveling with Brother again…"

Lulu smirked. "You know, it is okay to admit that you actually like your older brother."

Rikku stuck out her tongue. "He's a loser!" Chappu stirred, and she lowered her voice. "And he gets so obsessed over the most inane things," she whispered hotly. "Forget your worries about Tidus, Brother really is still obsessed with Yunie."

Lulu said nothing but gave her a knowing look.

Wilting, Rikku hung her head. "Fine, getting unhealthily obsessed with stuff is a Pollendina family trait," she admitted. "But come on! I barely got out from under Brother's thumb after the Farplane incident."

"Can you blame him? He thought you'd died." Lulu's tone turned serious. "We weren't prepared for that… not after the Eternal Calm. Everyone thought the days of losing your loved ones were over. You showed us how blind we were being, whether you meant to or not. And your brother took it harder than most. You should be kinder to him."

Rikku winced, feeling guilty. "I know… I'll get in touch with him again soon, I promise. I'm just not ready for that much Pollendina in my life again yet. Not after Cid's great Al Bhed dynasty restoration push."

Lulu stole another long look at Chappu. "Even if he's difficult at times, your father loves you too."

Rikku hugged herself more tightly. "Don't bring up Cid. He's going senile, I swear."

"Well," Lulu said, focused to a fault and zeroing in for another attack. "If you don't like the trouble he's stirring up, then maybe you should get out there and try to stop him."

She couldn't stifle her laugh; Lulu was still doggedly persistent, and even motherhood hadn't managed to blunt her sharp tongue. "Alright, alright, I get it. I'll take that vacation. Don't be too surprised when you end up missing me when I'm gone," she teased, springing to her feet. Leaning over, she gave Lulu an awkward hug. "Thanks, Lulu. I guess I really did need someone to kick me in the pants about this."

Lulu's arms around her were warm, and the soft pats she placed on her back were comforting. "I'm sorry if I sounded too harsh. We're simply worried about you, Rikku." She pushed the other girl back. "Go. Find your happiness. You deserve it."

Blinking back a few unexpected tears, Rikku smiled. "Hey… tell Yunie thanks for me. You guys… you really are the best family anyone could ask for," she admitted.

Lulu nodded quietly. "Take care of yourself, Rikku. Come back safely to us this time, when you've found what it is you wanted."

Grinning, Rikku gave her a little wave before ducking out of the tent. She took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the bright Besaid sunlight, then moved quickly, making her way towards her tent. The half-formed ideas in her mind rapidly crystalized into a plan of action.

.x.x.x.​

The night breeze was welcome in the still-humid island air, carrying with it the salty scent of the sea stained with a light undertone of dried seaweed. Rikku took a moment to appreciate the vast sea of stars stretching above her, easily visible from the rocky hill she stood on. It had been hard work climbing this far up, but it was worth the effort, she reflected, taking a seat by the thundering waterfall. She stretched out and dipped one lazy hand into the cool water, letting it rush over her fingers as she waited.

Eventually, she heard the sound of rock crumbling and sat up with a smile. "Took you long enough," she laughed. "Some star athlete you're turning out to be!"

"Hey! I'm not the one who chose to sneak off in the middle of the night to climb up to the most remote place on Besaid island in the dark," Tidus complained as he settled next to her, picking some leaves and vines that he'd collected on the way up out of his hair.

Rikku smirked. "Married life is making you as soft as Wakka," she teased. "You wouldn't have had this much trouble a few years ago, you know."

Tidus continued to brush the foliage out of his hair, shooting her an exasperated glare. "Hey, I'm not that out of shape!"

Her smug expression didn't change as she elbowed Tidus in the ribs. "If you say so," she sing-songed in her most annoying voice.

"Ugh," Tidus grumbled, giving up on his hair and settling back. He sighed, then glanced at her. "So you're really going now, huh? Lulu was that convincing?"

Rikku scoffed. "Don't act so surprised. Yuna was the one who put her up to it." Her scowl eased. "Lulu's the only one around here bossy enough to convince me, anyhow. She was right. Yuna was right. I've stuck around for too long." She picked at her fingernails. "What am I even doing here, Tidus?"

"Recovering," he answered easily. "People don't understand that time is different for us. There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend as much time as you can with the people you love while they're still around."

"Yeah…"

"But it's different for you," Tidus finished for her. "You miss Auron, and Yuna's dad, and even my old man. You're starting to spend more time with them in your memories than you are here with us. It's not the same."

Rikku pulled her knees in and leaned her forehead against them, nodding. Then she snorted. "You know, Lulu thought I might've been pining for you. She was getting ready to chase me off the island personally."

"Hah!" Tidus paused with a frown. "Well forcing me to sneak out here in the middle of the night probably isn't helping," he said pointedly. "You really couldn't just book a ship off the island like a normal person?"

She shrugged unapologetically. "Not my style. Besides… I don't really want people tracking me right now, not with all the noise Cid's making about Pollendina 'royalty.' The less anybody knows about where I am the better."

Tidus groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. "Tell me about it. Shelinda sent another one of her representatives over to interview Yuna yesterday. I guess she figures if she can get Yuna on board as an extended part of the Pollendina family, she can undermine Cid's claims and strengthen New Yevon's hold in Luca." He dropped his hands, his frustration still evident. "It hasn't even been a decade since Sin disappeared! Why can't people enjoy their lives and leave good enough alone?"

"That's just how humanity works," Rikku shrugged. "I'm actually a little worried that I'll forget how to be greedy like that one day. It'll mean I'm becoming less human."

Tidus nodded slowly. "Then it's good that you're leaving. Being greedy means staying here, for me. You should probably find out what it means for you," he told her with a smile, grateful to switch topics. "Don't worry about Yuna. She understands. I mean, she doesn't know-know, but she's still a Summoner. And she knows you're still trying to get over Auron. So… go do what you need to do."

"Thanks, Tidus," she said, leaning over to give him a hug. Then she stood and cracked her neck. "Alright. I haven't done this in a while," she said, flexing her fingers and shaking her arms out.

"I'll come with you for a little," Tidus replied, standing up and joining her, his eyes sliding shut.

That gave her pause. "Wait, what? Why?"

Tidus didn't move, his eyes still screwed shut as he frowned. "I've never found my form before, so I might as well do it while you're still here, in case something goes wrong."

"Really? You never tried it, not even once in eight years?"

He cracked an eye open and glared at her. "Rikku? Shut up, I'm trying to concentrate here."

That brought out a full-fledged smirk. "Nothing will go wrong. So…" She drew the word out. "You mean to say there's something I'm better at than you? Finally!" As she spoke, she felt her bodysuit blooming over her ankles, rapidly climbing up her legs and torso with a series of soft clicks and clacks.

"Hey! It's not a race!" he sputtered, slamming his eyes shut and breaking into a sweat as he focused. By the time she felt her powersuit closing around her neck, Tidus was surrounded by several swirling motes of glowing light, rapidly circling around his body. She wondered what he'd look like, curious about his aeon form. The light condensed and then exploded, and she took a step back in surprise. She would have fallen into rapids of the waterfall if not for the rotating circle of metallic blades on her back, keeping her aloft.

"Feathers? Really?" she asked as she caught a few of the glowing tufts that fell around her. They disintegrated on touch, but when she blinked away the afterimages left by the spots of light, there were still two large wings protruding from Tidus's back, and he was wearing a strange, imposing-looking suit of armor. "Jecht wanted to grow wings, you know. He never managed it."

Tidus smirked, folding his arms over his chest while unfurling his wings proudly. "Yeah, well, I'm not my old man. You ready?"

"As I'll ever be." They took off into the night sky, Tidus at a slightly slower pace than her as he grew acclimated to his new body.

"You know," Rikku said conversationally as they looked down over the shrinking island. "I think I saw Jassu drinking on the beach. Which means he may have spotted us right back." Her smirk returned. "Or should I say, spotted you. I don't think anyone would recognize me in my suit from this far up."

Tidus flushed, but kept flying. "So what. If he blabs, I'll just tell everyone Yuna loaned me her Garment Grid or something. Or that he was drunk." He circled around her, diving and whooping. "Hey! This is fun! I've gotta convince Yuna to come up here with me sometime!"

Rikku smirked, hovering in place. It felt pretty good to be the avatar of an airship final form; she wasn't working nearly as hard as Tidus to stay aloft. Still, as she focused on the darkened island in the sea below, she felt something inside of herself shift.

It's time to go.

"Tidus," she called out, swooping down to fly next to him. "I'm leaving now. Take care of Yunie for me, will ya?"

"Stay safe," Tidus replied with a smile. "Do what you need to do. But don't be afraid to call us if you need help. You're not alone here." He paused. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but maybe you should look for my old man. You and Jecht were friends, and he always was full of the craziest ideas. He might be able to help you. Come up with something new, give you a strategy to find what you need."

"That's not a bad idea," she admitted, "But even I don't know where to find him. Besides, I think I want to start where it all began… and ended," she said, looking off to the horizon.

"The Farplane?" Tidus asked as he fell back.

She shook her head, feeling herself beginning to morph into Eden. Turning, she gave him one last, small wave.

"No. I'm going to Zanarkand."

 

[Enkida]

Ad Vitam Aeternam

!! Warning! This chapter contains mature content! The fully uncensored version can be found on AO3. !!​

Chapter 2: Zanarkand

Sailing over the abandoned city, cutting through a night sky rife with pyreflies, Rikku contemplated how this might just have been the easiest journey to Zanarkand she'd ever undertaken in her life. She touched down near the old campsite, her exosuit folding away even before her weight settled on the ground.

Then she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The ocean lapped at the shore, and the pyreflies twisting thickly through the ruins sang their haunting, melodic song as loudly as ever. For a moment she let herself drift with them into her memories. She heard her former companions spring to life all around her, familiar voices overlapping one another, but kept her eyes closed. She neither wanted nor needed to see them again; she'd promised not to dwell in the past. Only after the turmoil in her heart died out and she was sure she stood alone in the darkness did she allow her eyes to slide open.

Letting out the sigh she'd been holding in, she took a closer look at her surroundings. The campfire was cold and dark, and there wasn't a single person in sight.

"You did good, Isaaru," she admitted grudgingly. She still considered the man to be an embarrassment to the legacy of Spira's Summoners, but at least he'd had the good sense to shut down Cid's ill-fated tourist trap idea. Instead, he'd thrown himself into the politics inside of Bevelle. She'd lost track of him until he contacted Yuna out of the blue a few years ago. Apparently, guilt had plagued him enough that he'd wanted to share the news of his successful designation of Zanarkand as a Spiran cultural heritage site.

"And finally, no more tourists," Rikku sighed, stretching her arms over her head. Apart from the regularly scheduled Guardian patrols to clear out the more dangerous fiends, Zanarkand was once again the quiet, secluded ruins it had been in Braska and Yuna's time. There was evidence here and there of the theme park it had nearly turned into: piles of trash that didn't belong; gaudy road signs and markers, and modern benches scattered along the ruined highway that hadn't been there before. But as Rikku strolled down the highway, it became easier to forget and lose herself in the timelessness of the city of dreams.

As she approached the dome, habit kept her eye sharp for fiends. The Godhand formed around her wrist, but there wasn't any true need for it; the sheer number of carefree monkeys scampering around told her that the last Guardian fiend hunt must have occurred fairly recently.

She found out just how recently as she crossed into the dome.

"Hey!" A stern shout caught her. "Stop right there, we're in the middle of an operation here! No visi—wait. Rikku?" The helmeted officer jogged over to greet her, and as he lifted his visor, a smile spread across Rikku's face.

"Yaibal? Is that you?"

"In the flesh," Yaibal answered. His teeth shone unnaturally bright against his dusky skin in the half-twilight of the pyreflies. "What're you doing here?" His smile became guarded. "Are you visiting as a Pollendina?"

Rikku's grin fell. "What do you think?" she asked, crossing her arms and huffing.

"I think—" he began, clearly uncomfortable, before another voice cut him off.

"Yaibal! She's good. I'll vouch for her."

Rikku spun around, gaping in surprise. "Paine?"

"Hey Rikku," Paine said coolly, descending through the rubble in quick strides. She waved a hand at Yaibal. "At ease, soldier. Help them wrap up inside, I've got this." She waited until the other man disappeared, then turned and raised an eyebrow. "What're you doing here? I thought you were still in Besaid. I didn't hear an airship coming in."

"Well," Rikku hedged, scratching her cheek. "I kinda hiked in. Y'know! For old times' sake!"

Paine's flat look was telling. "And you didn't see the multiple signs warning civilians to stay away? We're in the middle of a dangerous operation. It's not safe."

Rikku rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. You know I can handle myself—"

"When you're wearing a Garment Grid," Paine cut her off brusquely. "Which you gave up on doing six years ago. You're lucky we're nearly done here. Otherwise I'd have had to divert some of my manpower to escort you off the premise."

"Golly gee, I missed you too, Paine," Rikku replied, pouting.

They glared at one another for a few seconds before Paine's shoulders dropped slightly, a tiny smile passing over her face. "I did miss you, actually. How can you stand staying in one place for so long? And Besaid, at that. There's nothing there besides Yuna and her family. I'd feel like a third wheel. A very bored third wheel."

"That must be why you never visited us there." She jumped up and gave Paine a hug despite the chastisement, gratified to feel the other woman return it grudgingly. Paine had never been one for public displays of affection, particularly in front of her own troops.

"Maybe. But ever since Nooj put me in charge of the anti-fiend operation unit, I've been busy." Her crimson gaze turned accusatory. "We could've used your help, you know. Even without your Garment Grid, you're still the best alchemist in Spira. Instead you holed up in some two-boat town on the edge of the world teaching the locals how to use machina to weave and catch fish."

Rikku put her hands up in protest. "Hey! No judgement! Besides, working with the Guardians would be way too high profile right now. Didn't you hear what Yaibal just asked me? What the heck has Cid been doing while I wasn't looking, anyway?"

"Making noise about reparations again," Paine replied, gesturing for Rikku to follow her. "Who would he even ask? Most people responsible for the destruction of Home are already dead." They went deeper into the dome; here and there, Rikku could hear shouts and orders ring out as Paine's troops efficiently cleared the area of fiends and checked for hostile machina.

Paine had committed herself to the development of the Guardians – an independent 'security task force' based in Luca made up of former Crusader and Youth League Members. From all accounts she'd fought her way up to being a relatively high-ranking member in the organization. The only reason she wasn't acting as a leader was her complete aversion to publicity; she'd probably threatened Nooj with bodily harm if he didn't let her keep her position as a field captain.

"You know," Paine said as they scrambled over the ruins, her eyes darting back in forth in assessment, "I don't think it's entirely Cid's fault. He may have started this mess, but word on the street is that the movement is being spearheaded by a new leader. Someone younger and more charismatic than your dad."

Curiosity piqued, Rikku frowned. "Actually, I was wondering why the heck Gippal couldn't bring my pops under control. Cid likes to talk big but folds like a house of cards under any kind of pressure."

Paine paused and smirked at her. "What? Too chicken to ask Gippal yourself?"

Flushing, Rikku scowled at Paine. "Yes, really! I am! I can only turn him down so many times before I start to feel like the bad guy. Now stop diverting and get to the meat! Who's responsible for making my life miserable this time?"

Paine snorted. "I never met the guy. He's a former blitzer named Berrik. I heard he used to be captain of the Psyches, but he retired four years ago and became one of Cid's dynasty restoration flunkies. Never joined up with the Machine Faction; they say he was upset that Gippal spread the tech to followers of New Yevon." Paine paused, huffing in a breath. "Can't say I disagree with him on that point. Do you know this guy, Rikku?"

"Berrik?" She winced. "Yeah, sorta. Well, I mean, not me personally, but I heard he was one of the biggest pains in Wakka's side when Wakka was captain of the Aurochs. I think he tried to kidnap Yuna once, too." Though Rikku had never met the man, she knew the makings of a fanatic when she saw one. Even before the Eternal Calm, Berrik had been outspoken. And a blitz team captain too? "Pops… what have you gotten yourself into now?" she muttered, straightening when she realized they were already in the carpeted hallway that was leading to the Cloister.

"Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this Berrik guy's going to become your problem sooner or later," Paine said as she stopped at a makeshift command center. "He's hell bent on establishing some sort of Al Bhed nation in Djose and he wants a Pollendina at the head of it for legitimacy. Cid's too old and Brother already turned him down. That means he'll be coming for you next." She held up a hand to shush Rikku while coordinating with a few of the other soldiers waiting there.

"Tellah, go find Yaibal and tell him to pull back to the base camp in the city. Leon, you meet up with Ingus and do the same. I want each team withdrawing in pairs. Slow and methodical, make sure you don't miss anything. We're not coming back here for a couple of months, so we don't want to leave anything behind."

"Yes ma'am!" the soldiers said in unison, saluting before dispersing into the ruins. Paine turned around at the sound of Rikku's clapping.

"What?" she said irritably.

"That was impressive! You've really grown into your role, Captain," Rikku told her proudly.

Pain hid her blush behind an eye roll, crossing her arms. "Well, what about you? What're you doing in Zanarkand? You're welcome to come back to Gagazet with us, but I'll warn you. I'm on a schedule."

Rikku shook her head. "Thanks for the offer, but I just got here. I want to stay for a little bit! Catch up with my memories," she murmured, looking around the decrepit hallway.

Paine's expression softened. "It's still hard for you, huh? I get it." Unbidden, she reached out and pulled Rikku into a hug. Reflexively, Rikku returned it, too surprised to reply. "Sorry for being so busy these last few years. But we're still friends, Rikku. You know I'm just a comm sphere away if you ever need me." With a cough, Paine pushed Rikku away, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Aww… you sent all your troops away just so they wouldn't see you do that," Rikku teased, her happiness burning away the lingering melancholy that always seemed to permeate Zanarkand's atmosphere.

"I have a reputation to keep," Paine replied, two spots of color high on her cheeks. She leveled a serious look at Rikku. "I mean it. If this Berrik person gives you any shit, you let me know. I won't let anyone mess with my friends."

Rikku nodded emphatically. "Sure thing, boss. Though maybe you should worry about Yuna, too. Tidus told me Shelinda's been leaning on her a little too hard lately."

Paine's eyes narrowed. "Huh. I knew she was bad news when she kept at it even after Baralai tried to stop her. I'll let Nooj know. Thanks for telling me." She shook her head. "Damn. First the Pollendina Restorationists, and now a New Yevon revival, too? Sometimes it feels like we're the world's biggest babysitters."

"Well, I think you're doing great so far."

"Explain that to Berrik and Shelinda." Paine sighed and gave her a measured, judging look, ending with a smirk. "At least you could say I got a lot of practice in before I took this job."

Rikku puffed out her cheeks in a sulk. "I'm just gonna pretend you're talking about the Crimson Squad there, doctor P." She relented, a genuine smile of gratitude peeking out. "Thanks for taking care of the fiends. I think I'm gonna stay for a bit… there's some people I wanna see here."

Paine nodded in understanding. "You're the strangest Al Bhed I've ever met. Most swear off a place this thick with pyreflies."

"What can I say? I'm special," Rikku chirped, rocking back and forth on her heels.

Paine laughed. "That you are. I'll catch you later, Rikku. Don't be a stranger." Lifting her hand in a wave, she jogged out after her troops.

Sighing, Rikku swung her arms and turned around, her eyes locking onto the stairwell that would take her into the Cloister's depths. "I can do this."

Still, she stalled on the way down, her eyes lingering on the patch of ground where she and Tidus had dragged Auron after their battle with Yunalesca. As if responding to her memory, their ghostly shapes took form. She realized it now, as her memory-self fretted over Auron's unconscious body; how wane and stretched thin he'd looked. She could clearly see all the clues she'd forced herself not to process then: his gaunt cheeks and the unnatural paleness of his skin. The candle of his life had already begun flickering low.

Biting back a sigh, she tore herself away and marched down the crumbling steps. Someone had installed a guard rail during Zanarkand's commercialization; while it made the going easier, it was an unwelcome intrusion into her refuge of memories. She could feel them all around her; ghosts of Auron, Braska and Jecht as they puzzled through the Trial with her. Shaking them off, she continued into the next room, pausing only long enough to watch Yuna and Braska dancing their way across the tiled floor in near-perfect tandem.

"How long has it been since I've seen a Sending?" she wondered as their images faded. There were still people like Yuna, Dona, and Isaaru about – former summoners who retained the knowledge of the old rituals. She'd heard New Yevon was trying to train priests to perform the Sending once again; it was quite possibly the one good thing Shelinda was actually doing. But the old ways had fallen out of fashion alongside the false religion of Yevon; without anything left to summon, most of the trappings of Summoners were rapidly passing into obscurity.

She looked at the pyreflies arcing through the room, feeling a pang of regret that she couldn't help release them from their eternal prison herself. They'd concentrated so thickly inside of the dome for a thousand years that she wasn't sure anything could. "I'm sorry… I could only do the dance because of Lenne," she told them. Their soft cries echoed through the room, unhearing and uncaring of her regrets. "But I promise we haven't forgotten. I haven't forgotten."

Braska's shadow stopped by her side, looking up at the ceiling. She remembered it; how he'd tried to Send the pyreflies trapped inside the dome, but there'd simply been too many. Her hand made its way to her heart, feeling an aching pulse there as his image faded. At least Auron had been able to tell her goodbye. Braska's abrupt departure from her life was still something she shied away from, much like she had from his romantic overtures in life. She'd kept those parts of her feelings tightly bottled up, afraid that she'd let something beyond their friendship slip around Yuna if she allowed herself dwell on it.

Yunie isn't here now, though.

Shaking off her uneasiness, she made her way towards the elevator. The runes activated with a soft hum; the air cooled around her as she descended into the Chamber of the Fayth. The platform stopped with a loud rumble, sending monkeys everywhere fleeing. Resolutely, Rikku marched over the empty statue of Zaon – it sent a shiver down her spine, walking over what was practically his grave.

The antechamber looked worse for the wear. Attempts had been made to repair the stonework, and the ripped tapestries had been replaced with newer hangings during Isaaru's tenure as a tour guide. Without Yunalesca's power to sustain the chamber, however, it was finally succumbing to the inevitable decay of time. She watched a memory of herself and Auron in a corner, waiting anxiously for Jecht and Braska to return. Her eyes lingered on their forms, and she found it hard to breathe for a few long moments until the image faded. Shaking her head, she picked her way over the fallen rubble, gingerly approaching Yunalesca's sanctum.

The heavy double doors were jammed shut; Isaaru's magic, from the feel of it. It would be an effective seal at keeping out intruders… if they were human. Taking a breath, Rikku closed her eyes, feeling below the surface towards weave of the enchantments woven around the stone doors. She imagined them as threads spread like a spider's web and began to gingerly pick her way through them, careful not to disturb his work.

She wasn't sure how long it took her to pass through the seal, but eventually she came back to herself and leaned on the stone doors. They were stuck even without Isaaru's ward, having been left untouched for so many years, but Rikku threw her weight into it. With a groan, the doors gave and swung open. Steeling herself, she marched inside.

The exit creaked shut behind her and for a moment, Rikku felt very alone. She was dwarfed by the starry sky that still pulsed overhead, making her feel as though the entire room was adrift in space. Looking down, she saw herself and Auron fighting Yunalesca. Yunalesca's first form tumbled over the edge, and overtaken by curiosity, this time Rikku followed after the phantom.

There were cleverly hidden steps at the far end of the room, she realized, leading downwards into another chamber. Intrigued, she descended along the uneven path. Eventually, the stairwell opened up into a deep, wide cavern, bathed in darkness. She could barely make out the shapes of dozens of twisted rocks rising from the floor from the starlight streaming in behind her.

With a sense of foreboding, Rikku called a weak flame to her palm, holding up her hand. Shadows danced across the walls, and she choked as the rocks slowly revealed their grotesque forms in the weak light.

"This… is a graveyard," she whispered, staring in horror at the collection of empty Fayth stones scattered throughout the room. Each was meticulously detailed, hinting at the numerous guardians who'd given their lives to transform into a Final Aeon. At first they appeared to be randomly spaced, but as she delved deeper into the chamber a morbid order emerged from their seemingly random placements. Yunalesca had frozen their bodies purposefully into a stone gallery chronicling a thousand years of human sacrifice. Rikku worked her way through them cautiously, a chill running down her spine as she glanced over the myriad of fantastical forms. The flickering firelight almost made it seem like some of them were moving.

Her feet came to a standstill near one particularly familiar sweep of long hair; the spiked, metallic chains imprisoning her and the rapier at her side cemented her identity.

"Jihl," Rikku breathed, studying the grave of the woman she'd helped kill. Even in death Jihl was still beautiful, the curve of her back cutting a graceful, defiant line against the darkness. Had she really been evil during her life as a human? Or had being trapped as a Final Aeon against her will twisted her into the terrible creature she became: the most vengeful incarnation of Sin Spira ever witnessed? Either way, her cruel life had ended at their hands, leaving nothing more than the fading memory of her story.

Edging away from the stone, Rikku inched her way through the room, taking her time to look at the other statues. It felt like a responsibility to remember the forgotten Guardians of the past who'd unwittingly contributed to Spira's cycle of destruction. But even as she worked her way out of the stone exhibition, her brow wrinkled.

"Huh?" she wondered aloud. Unsettling as it might have been, Yunalesca's private chamber was full of nothing more than empty statues. There was no Hymn being sung, no soft, tell-tale glow of light indicating the presence of a living Fayth. There was nothing but stillness.

"Jecht… where are you?" she asked quietly, confused.

A soft breath blew over her neck. "He isn't here."

Rikku's spine locked, her eyes widening. She whirled around, the Godhand already out and extended, crackling with electricity. "Who—!"

"Mercy!" The figure went down flailing in a cascade of robes, grunting as he hit the ground.

She pulled her punch at the last minute when her flame brought him into full view, and her jaw dropped.

"Wha—how—what are you doing here?!" she screeched, losing control over her magic, which gushed into a large gout of fire before disappearing completely. The brief corona of light was still bright enough for her to make out the unmistakable blue eyes that peered up at her from behind the outstretched palm.

"Well… you did call me," a familiar voice echoed in the darkness. She heard him stand, felt his arms circle around her – warm, even, and the puff of his breath – his breath! – returned to her ear. "How could I possibly refuse your request?"

Shuddering, Rikku threw her arms around him. "Tell me I'm not dreaming right now," she demanded, her voice shaking even as she pulled him against her in a bruising hug. "Am I hallucinating? Did the pyreflies finally get to me?"

She felt more than heard Braska's soft laugh as his arms returned her embrace. "In a manner of speaking. Shh. Stop thinking and just be in this moment," he commanded, planting a soft kiss on the crown of her head.

Confusion and elation threatened to overwhelm her, so she focused on the feel of his robes beneath her hands, bunching them in her fist. The fabric was soft and slightly scratchy; as real and present as his warm arms and his gentle voice, and the feel of his lips pressing against her head. Her heart beat wildly in her chest. When she turned her face into him, she realized she could feel his pulse racing underneath his skin, matching her own. The quick movement caught him by surprise, and she sucked in a short, sharp breath as their cheeks brushed. He pulled away, but not before she felt the whisper of his lips and rush of the exhale that escaped from between them against her own. She looked up at him in shocked disbelief. Braska was alive and in her arms.

"H-how is this even possible?" she choked out, unwilling to let him go for even a moment, afraid he'd disappear. "You're dead!"

"Rikku," he chided, running his hands down her arms and gently loosening her white-knuckled grip. "I told you to stop thinking for now."

"Like I could! You might as well ask me to stop being Al Bhed!" she yelled, releasing one of her death-holds only enough to beat against his chest with a balled fist. "It's been over two decades since you died! How are you even here?!"

She felt more than saw Braska shake his head, his figure a shadowed form among the darkened shapes of the empty Fayth stones. Taking her hand, he pulled her back towards the exit. She followed numbly, her fingers clutching his, placing one foot in front of the other.

"I'd rather our happy reunion took place somewhere else," Braska said as he led her away. "I don't have fond memories of this chamber."

"Umm," Rikku said, subdued as she realized what he meant; it was the room where Yunalesca had forced him to turn Jecht into a Final Aeon. By all rights it should have been Jecht's tomb, as well. "Yeah, sorry…"

"Don't be," he replied without looking back, pulling her up the steps.

She drank in the sight of him when they escaped into the starlit vault. "You're dressed like a Summoner still," she noted, taking in his decorated belt and familiar, sweeping robes and headdress.

He paused, turning to face her, and smiled faintly. "So I am. I take it you're not a fan?"

"I saw you die in those clothes," she mumbled. "Are you Unsent?"

He let out a soft huff of laughter. "No. I've no soul left to Send, Rikku. But I can at least make you feel a little more comfortable in my presence." His clothes glowed and wavered, almost as if he was wearing a Garment Grid. When the light show resolved, his hair was decidedly shorter, and he was dressed in colorful shorts, a tropical shirt, and the sandals they'd cobbled together for him while visiting Kilika.

Rikku let go of his hand, a frown on her face. "You… you're not really here, are you," she said finally.

He smiled again, and it was somewhat sad. "Your memories have brought me here, and the pyreflies have given me form." He raised his hand, and she heard the song swell around them. "I suppose in this manifestation, I could be Sent," he admitted. "But I wouldn't travel to the Farplane. I'd simply be reunited with your body. Perhaps if you remained here and thought of me wistfully enough, I'd come right back." He tilted his head. "I could never refuse you, after all. You are my soul."

Rikku swallowed, then leaned forward and prodded him. He humored her with patience, his eyes trained on her as though he, too, were drinking in the sight of her. It was as if he'd felt her absence just as keenly as she had his. She pulled back her finger, cradling it; Braska seemed real enough to her. Leaning back, she crossed her arms and studied him. "So you're not Unsent, but you're also not real? Are you just a figment of my imagination?"

He frowned. "It sounds so demeaning when you put it that way," he grumbled. "What I am is the Braska you knew, and yet not. For I am only the Braska you remember, and nothing more."

Some of Rikku's euphoria trickled away with his words. "You're here but you're not whole, you mean. Like how I summoned Tidus before, except… there's nothing underneath my own memories."

He nodded. "In a manner of speaking. I am a part of you now, and you've managed to summon what's left of me, at the least." He sighed, looking around. "It does feel quite good to have a body again. Since I can already tell you'll be turning this over relentlessly in your mind, let me assure you that I take no offense to this partial existence you've granted me. In fact, I'm rather grateful," he added, stepping closer to her and grasping her chin. A soft smile bloomed over his face as he leaned in. "You've given me the chance to bask in your presence again. It's all I could've asked for."

Rikku rolled her eyes, grabbing his hand and pulling it off of her. "Still got that tongue on you," she grumbled. He smirked, unperturbed as she took a step back. "I think you're right. It's all you could have asked for. I'm not sure it's all that Braska would have asked for, though. He was more than just my memories of him."

A hint of sadness touched Braska's face at her declaration. "That's true. But I'm here now, and it's your longing that brought me to be. Your desire to see me again. Am I… causing you pain by being here?" he asked, for the first time with a hint of uncertainty. "Even incomplete as I may be, I know enough of myself to understand that I would never wish that upon you. I've no desire to hurt you, Rikku."

Her initial surprise had already since faded into suspicion; now, as they stared each other down, she finally felt her heart slow as she parsed his words. "So you're made of pyreflies. I'm guessing you can't leave the dome, huh?"

Braska shrugged, then looked at the closed stone doors. "I'd like to leave this room, at the least." He tilted his head. "A summoner warded that door. I wonder if I can pass through?" he mused.

"Hey! You're not going anywhere until we talk," Rikku insisted, folding her legs under her and sitting on the floor to make her point. "What do you mean, I called you here? I came here because I missed Auron, not you. Actually, I was looking for Jecht." She winced even as she said it, knowing just how callous she must have sounded.

Braska sat next to her, managing to make the motion look graceful despite his tacky clothing. "Well, I suppose we could start with a conversation. It would be a much more productive one if you'd stop lying to yourself."

Spluttering, she slapped a hand on the floor. "You got your ego back too! What do you mean lying? I'm having a mid-life crisis here!"

"Firstly, you are nowhere near the middle of your lifespan," Braska told her, "And secondly, I am only here because you wanted it. I am a part of your soul, Rikku, just as much a part of you as that weapon is," he said, nodding his head towards her Godhand. "You've merely never had the means or desire to manifest me as you do that instrument."

He looked around, and then dropped his gaze back to her. "It's true that I'm not entirely real, for I no longer exist in time or space without you. I have only my past, as defined by your memories of it. And my only possible future… is by your side." He reached out and ran a finger down her cheek, his eyes tracing the path he drew. "It doesn't feel so different from my real life, I think. I'm still fragmented. Though I suppose… I wouldn't know any longer, since I have no basis of comparison to the man I was before," he mused with a hint of melancholy. His eyes flicked up to meet hers. "But that means that these feelings I have for you are also yours. You can lie to yourself as much as you want, but my existence is proof enough of how you feel."

"Proof?" Rikku repeated weakly, suddenly glad she was sitting.

His look was chastising, and she couldn't hold his gaze. Instead, she stared at the tops of her boots and really thought about how she felt. Nervously, she probed around the tightly shut corners of her mind. The part of her that was scared of having Yuna discover she was carrying a piece of Braska's soul within her; that she had helped utterly destroy her best friend's father, all because he had a crush on her.

Swallowing, she pried at the lid of that corner of her mind, working it loose.

It wasn't just a crush. And it wasn't just him.

She let out a shaky breath as his fingers ghosted over her chin once more.

"Is it truly so awful?" he whispered as he drew close enough that the spiked strands of his short hair brushed against her face. "Being honest about your desires?"

She looked up, holding her breath. He chased after her inhale as though pulled in, his lips closing over hers.

He's not even real, her mind whispered. Her body ignored her, flooded with a sudden and overwhelming mix of desperation, loneliness, and most of all the banked desire that she'd so studiously ignored ever since she'd become aware of Braska's feelings for her during the Pilgrimage.

I always held back when he was alive, she realized dimly. When am I ever going to see him like this again? Could I really let him go now to become yet another regret in my life?

Be honest, he'd instructed her. Resolutely, she flung open the rusted lid on her feelings, those emotions she'd so carefully guarded for the sake of peace with Auron, with Yuna, even with herself. And spilling out from them came a heady craving so intense that she shuddered from the force of it, alongside an aching, wistful love for the broken, flawed man who'd offered himself to her in vain so often. So what if he wasn't complete? I want to be greedy, she realized. And this time, she was going to take whatever she could get.

He felt the change immediately. Though their lips were pressed together, Braska's parted and his low, guttural moan of disbelief escaped against her mouth. And then his hands were clutching the back of her head, pulling her towards him as though he was afraid she'd draw back, change her mind and run away. He angled her, fitting his mouth more snugly against hers, and coaxed her lips to part. His tongue followed swiftly, thrusting forward to taste her. Another deep, primal noise bubbled up from his throat and she rubbed her thighs together, suddenly remembering just why Braska had given her so much trouble during the Pilgrimage.

She pulled back from him long enough to gasp in a few wheezing pulls of air; he didn't wait for her, instead sealing his lips against her skin. Nipping and nibbling his way down her chin and neck, he stopped to suckle her pulse point.

"Ah," she gasped semi-coherently. "Maybe we should move—"

"No!" His answer was nearly a shout against her skin; he didn't even bother pulling away, instead tracing his tongue against her collarbones. She panted breathlessly when he ducked low, her nerves tingling in anticipation. His mouth continued to sluice a wet line of desire along the curve of her breast.

It's been so long since I've felt this way. She struggled to keep her eyes from falling shut in pleasure, desperate to keep him in her sight, to watch him move.

"We're not going anywhere," he swore, meeting her eyes. There was only thin sliver of blue framing the depths of his burning gaze. She felt his desire hit her as intensely as the kneading roll of his fingertips.

"I've waited far too long for this moment," he continued, his voice dark with banked hunger. "The world could burn around us for all I care. You are not getting away this time." His features sharpened with need. "Our bodies react to our will. I'd tell you to think your clothes off, but I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of undressing you," he finished, bringing his fingers to the clasp of her vest and deftly unbuckling it with one hand while the other occupied itself by sneaking under her skirt.

"Y-you're a little too good at this," Rikku choked. The flush climbed higher on her cheeks in tandem with the fingers that were tracing along the curve of her backside. "Should I be insulted?"

"Consider my entire library of experience to be practice for this very moment," he said over the soft pop of another clasp coming undone, still staring intently at her chest. With one final click, he removed the last hook and pushed the fabric aside, revealing a swath of pale skin between her breasts.

She shivered as the cool air hit her flushed skin, and he smiled and bent down, spreading his palm flat against her abdomen. He blew a soft puff of wind against the band of her exposed flesh, raising goosebumps. Noticing her reaction, he smiled.

There was something smug in it, and her brows drew together. Trying to unscramble her thoughts enough to regain the upper hand, she buried a fist into his hair and pulled his head back. "What are you so arrogant about?" she hissed. "Doesn't this basically count as masturbating?"

He laughed at her, surging up to close the distance between them. He pulled his mouth away from her long enough to gasp an answer. "I don't mind. If you want to use me as a toy for your pleasure, then I'll willingly offer myself as one. I still consider it a victory," he said, leaning in with a smirk before catching her lips, swallowing her objections with another starved kiss. When he finally pulled away, his amusement had fled, replaced once again by that dark intensity that might have frightened her if she wasn't so willingly stoking it. "I've burned so brightly for you, Rikku. Even as I stepped aside and let Auron have his due, I wanted you. I watched you two together sometimes. Stole away to see him lie with you, and imagined myself in his position."

His smooth voice was turning gravelly with need. Trembling fingers pushed back her clothes, exposing her to him; he watched the rise and fall of her chest with intent concentration, sweat beading along his brow. He jerked forward when her breath stuttered and caught himself at the last second, drawing back and licking his swollen lips.

"Sometimes I would touch myself. Hear your cries, and let them carry me to a place where you writhed under me instead. I would bring myself to the brink thinking of you surrounding me, aching for me as I did for you. But I was never truly satisfied," he breathed, lowering his head next to her ear and hovering as his hands made quick work of her belt. "It couldn't possibly be enough. My mind couldn't replicate the perfection of your body, your soul, with mere base, hidden cravings."

He pulled back, dragging her skirt off, and then stooped low to work her boots off one by one. All the while his voice carried on in a mesmerizing lilt, a hypnotic spell he was weaving with the tales of his desire.

"I wanted to have you openly. Willingly. Passionately. Meeting you in the light, not like a wounded animal slinking away in the depths of the night, trying to lick its own wounds. No. Your body is a temple meant to be worshiped."

He pulled off her socks almost reverently, and then bent her knee, lifting her ankle to his lips and kissing it softly. Running his thumb down the side of her calf, he carefully moved her leg to rest on his shoulder. His hands swept upwards, over her shaking thighs. "This is what I wanted. To reveal the walls of your temple, inch by inch. To have your eyes upon me, knowing and recognizing exactly who brought you to this state. Every inch of flesh," he intoned, his fingers catching the fabric and pulling it aside, "Every quiver that I see and feel is an altar to worship on." His eyes flicked up to meet hers. "I want to sacrifice myself to you, again and again. I want you to remember every supplication I make. I want you to take my offering and burn me in the process."

His voice shook when he spoke again. "Accept the pleasure I gift to you. Make it your own, and demand even more of me. Be an unreasonable goddess," he murmured, his fingers digging into her thighs. His expression tightened with lust. "Punish me. I beg of you. Use me as you will… just let me be your choice this time."

"Braska," she breathed, and he took it as her acceptance, dipping his head low and sealing his mouth against her with another soft groan.

.x.x.x.​

Rikku lay on her back, staring at the stars twinkling overhead. Her brow furrowed. "It's not real. They don't even move," she mumbled. "Everything stands still here."

Braska groaned and rolled over, throwing an arm over her torso. "Not everything stagnates here," he mumbled, his voice muffled by her thigh. She jerked her leg, shaking him off, to which he let out a tired grunt of protest. "You're willing to move already? Did I not work hard enough?" he asked, shifting onto his back and crossing his arms under his head. His hair had lengthened again, this time caught in the long, unkempt braid he'd twisted together in Baaj. He hadn't bothered to cover himself, and Rikku spent a moment tracing the lines of his lean, sweat-drenched body appreciatively with her eyes.

"Don't be cute," she said, snuggling into his side and pushing herself up onto her elbows to stare down at him. "You look like the cat that got the cream. And don't you dare make a dirty pun!" she added, flushing.

He shrugged innocently, though there was a definite twinkle in his eye.

"I mean, just because you got what you wanted doesn't mean everything's okay now." She sighed, dropping her chin onto his chest, and let her eyes flutter closed as she felt his fingers trace a slow and deliberate path up and down her shoulder.

"I hope this was also what you wanted."

Rikku's eyes shot open and met his; the smile had faded from his face, and he looked… worried.

As if that performance would leave anyone worried, she thought dazedly. "Yeah. It was. I'm a big girl, so don't blame yourself this time. Or do, because you're me. I don't even know what Auron would make of us right now if he were here. You're not real."

"It felt like your body thought I was real enough," he smirked at her, his hand flattening against her back and eliciting a shudder.

"Forget Auron. Yunie's gonna kill me if she ever finds out," Rikku groaned, suddenly remembering just why she'd kept that part of her life so tightly sealed away for the past few years. She buried her face into her palms. "Rumo sylrehy! E zicd vilgat ran tyt!"

Braska winced, removing his hand. "You certainly know how to kill the mood," he grumbled, helping her sit up. "But I'm sure you didn't disturb my post-coital stupor just to complain to me about my daughter. What's on your mind?"

"Lots of things," she sighed, reaching for her clothes and re-dressing herself. Braska looked as if he wanted to sulk, but a moment later he, too, was fully dressed, albeit in his ocean-tattered shorts and undershirt. "I came here to figure out how to get over Auron, but… I don't think this," she said, gesturing between them, "Was the healthy way to do it. I mean, it was great and all," she stuttered, feeling herself grow red at the understatement of the year, "I really, really missed sex and I finally feel like I got some closure with you on top of that. But it's all over now, isn't it? You've done what you came here to do, which was me."

Braska's eyes widened. "I would hope that's not the last of it!" he protested, putting up his hands when she glared at him. "What? I didn't even use magic on you yet," he complained. His teasing expression sobered. "Though I'm being serious. All joking aside, I don't wish you to banish me to a prison in your mind again after granting me this life. I might not be whole, but… I am not the total figment of your imagination that you seem to believe I am." He ran a hand through his hair, looking away from her. "I can still feel, and think, and want things on my own."

"You're not just the sum of my expectations?" Rikku asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. "Prove it, then."

"I want you to bring Auron back so I can sleep with him, too," Braska said candidly.

"Ugh," Rikku groaned, slapping her palm into her face. "I walked right into that, didn't I?"

His laugh made her flush even more deeply. "Rikku. I am still my own person. I want to leave this dome. I don't know if I can, but I desire it. To see the world you and Yuna created. To experience a Spira that no longer lives in fear of Sin. To witness the Church of Yevon made obsolete, and the people of this world coming together regardless of their race or beliefs. I want to meet my son-in-law. I want all of this just as much, if not more, than I want you." He smiled wryly. "Perhaps it's not possible. But I don't believe you created these desires when you called me here. They are my own, and they have always been."

"You sound so real," Rikku said, reaching out to cup his face. "I want you, and all of this, to be real, but… happy endings aren't that easy to come by, are they?"

"Perhaps they can be," Braska replied with a crooked smile. "I, too, want to be greedy. Allow me to dream of this, at the least. To pretend that we could have a life together outside of this moment."

"Well, I don't really want you to disappear or be trapped in this dome forever, either."

"Then make it possible," Braska said, a hint of desperation leaking into his voice. "I meant every word I said. Let me stay with you. Not just as a presence in your mind, but as your companion. Your lover, if you'll allow me that much. But most of all, as your friend. You are the embodiment of possibility. Surely there is a way."

Rikku grabbed his trembling hands, drawing them close to her heart. "I… I don't know. I'm sure I can't make you human again. I can't even do that for myself. But if I can make you real in Spira… I'll try," she promised. Then she choked out a laugh. "I don't even know what I'm saying. I don't know how to make any of that happen. But what's one more impossible task to add to the list, huh?"

Braska drew her to him in a smothering hug. "Thank you," he murmured. "With my damaged soul, I don't know if I could be anything more. And if I'm honest, this half-life, trapped in time with no future before me, chained to my past and my memories… it's the most appropriate punishment for someone like me."

"Punishment?" Rikku pushed him away. "You made the ultimate sacrifice for Spira. Why do you think you need more? Are you a glutton for pain or something?"

"Yes," he told her, leaning his head against hers. "This is punishment for my cowardice. I was never brave enough to attempt what you're doing. I never made new memories for myself after I lost Raenn, even after she entrusted me with our most precious creation, our daughter. I never approached Auron with my feelings while he obediently performed all the duties which should have been mine. And when you joined us and chose him, rather than being honest I watched you jealously from the shadows and tried using your guilt to trap you with me." He touched her cheek uncertainly. "I don't deserve to be reborn into the cycle. And I certainly don't deserve you."

"Well…" Rikku swallowed. "If you were trying to convince me that you're not made up of my expectations, that was a pretty good job right there. You're being too hard on yourself. I didn't sleep with you just now out of pity, after all." She leaned up and planted a soft kiss by the side of his mouth, amused by his surprise. "I did it because you made me fall in love with you, too. And not just in some abstract way." She bit her lip. "I wanted to be with you just as much as I wanted Auron, but I couldn't admit that to myself at the time. And I had to lose everything first before I could understand and accept what I felt. I didn't even really do that until I came here and you literally showed up in front of me. So… doesn't that make me just as big of a coward as you?"

Braska's gaze was warm and penetrating. "You shall never leave this dome if you insist on speaking that way to me," he said softly. The intensity of regard was making her flush red from head to toe.

"Look, we might have all the time in the world to explore our feelings, but this is definitely not the right place to do it." She waved her arm at the unmoving sky above them. "Think about the memories we just left here! I bet we're gonna scar some poor archeologist for life in the distant future."

Though he looked completely unrepentant, Braska did capitulate and stand up, his clothes morphing into traveling robes, minus the Yevonite belt and sweeping headdress. His hair fell halfway to his back, neatly bound in a loose braid that was tied off with a familiar-looking white bow.

"I don't remember you ever wearing that," Rikku noted, circling around him. "Or seeing your hair this length, either."

"I thought styling myself in this manner might be more comfortable for you," Braska said, studying his appearance with mild interest. "I've never felt like my existence was limited by your imagination, thankfully."

"Thankfully?" Rikku put her hands on her hips, pouting. "Hey, is that a dig? I have a very fertile imagination, for your information!"

Turning, Braska swept his eyes up and down body in a slow, obvious assessment, lingering on her breasts and hips. "As do I. Thankfully," he repeated with amusement. "At least, if you continue to allow me to love you, I am quite sure you will be thanking me at some point."

Cheeks warming, Rikku mumbled irritably under her breath, stomping past him. "One good lay and he's absolutely full of himself. I knew this would happen."

Braska shrugged at her, all smiles, and she sighed, bumping into him with her shoulder and grabbing his hand to lead him to the door.

They managed to pass through much the way she came in – carefully, so as not to break Isaaru's seal – and shut the doors behind them. Thanks to the work of the Guardians, picking their way through the ruins was uneventful – not a single machina war machine or fiend stirred. It was strangely peaceful, and Braska had grown quiet. It was only when they approached the exit to Zanarkand that she discovered why.

"Well… this is it," Rikku said, standing before the doorway. "Let's see if you can—" She turned and stopped, seeing Braska hanging back.

He was staring outside at Zanarkand with a look of longing on his face. But when he glanced at her, his smile was reserved, and he shook his head minutely. "You must be able to feel it. I cannot. My body can't exist out there. Not like this."

Rikku's heart dropped. "How can you be so sure?" she asked, frowning.

He stepped closer to her, taking her hand and weaving his fingers between hers. Then, pulling her hand with his, he lifted it beyond the portal. She watched as his fingers turned glassy and faded, pyreflies singing softly as they escaped to join the stream of their brethren in the sky above the ruins.

"Are you sure you don't wish to stay longer in this dome?" he sighed wistfully, pulling his arm back in. Though his hand reformed, his entire arm was starting to look translucent.

"Don't go," she whispered, turning away from the exit to bury her face in the crook of his neck. She felt him lean in and brush his lips against her cheek.

"I won't go anywhere. I will always be with you," he murmured. "But you shouldn't cry. I knew it was unlikely that I'd be able to leave the dome like this. Still, you'll carry me with you no matter where you go. And perhaps someday, you'll find a way to make my dreams come true. As you said… we have all the time in the world."

"How can you say that while I'm watching you disappear?" she asked. His entire body was shifting into translucency. "It feels like you're leaving me all over again!"

He traced her jawline, and then let his finger travel over her lips. He paused and swiped his thumb over them with a wistful look. Sighing, he continued to trace a path over the tip of her nose, finally coming to a stop in the center of her forehead. He pressed in the skin there gently. "I'm disappearing because you've already decided that you're leaving. As you should. Jecht isn't here anymore, after all. And as much as I would like to flatter myself, I am no reason for you to stay."

Rikku sighed shakily. It might have hurt to see him disappear from her life once again, but ultimately, he was right. She'd never find a way back to Auron – or keep her promise to Braska – if she didn't keep searching. "You don't know where Jecht is now, do you?"

Braska smiled. "Actually," he said. "He holds a half of my soul as well. I can't be certain… but I felt something. In Macalania. Something stirs in the forest there. I suspect that is where you will find him." He cupped her face. "Be careful when you go. Jecht always was a magnet for trouble."

Rikku grabbed onto his robes. "You'll be with me even if I can't see you? You promise?"

He laughed at her. Then he bent down and kissed her. "I'll be waiting," he murmured, fading away.

Rikku stared at her empty hands, still outstretched as though she could hold him in her arms. Finally, she dropped them and turned around, stepping out of the dome.

The pyreflies sang above her, watching and waiting as they wandered through the empty city. For what, only they could know.

"Well, Braska," she said, tearing her eyes away from them. "Let's get going."





Translation: Rumo sylrehy! E zicd vilgat ran tyt! // Holy machina! I just fucked her dad!

 

[Enkida]

Ad Vitam Aeternam

​

Chapter 3: Bikanel

Rikku made sure that taking on Eden's form was a clandestine operation under the cover of night. Since she wanted to avoid being sighted by Paine and the rest of the Guardians, she stuck dutifully to the west coast of the Wilderia continent, well away from Mount Gagazet. It was a lengthy detour, and taking the long way around the Calm Lands left her with idle time to contemplate her next destination. Though meeting Braska again had given her a clear goal, it also made her realize just how much agony she'd put him through during his Pilgrimage. Paine's teasing remarks, in hindsight, left her deeply unsettled.

"Too chicken to ask Gippal yourself?"

She couldn't help but wonder if she was repeating history by avoiding contact with Gippal. Besides, the news Paine had told her of the Restorationists was also concerning. Besaid's isolation offered a welcome respite from the politics and social obligations of the mainland, but it also kept her completely ignorant about developments that apparently everyone else in the world was hyper-aware of and concerned her intimately.

Being a part of the Pollendina family wasn't something she could ignore… and Gippal wasn't someone she wanted to ignore, either. He'd certainly know what was going on if he was butting heads with Berrik, and he deserved to know how she felt about it… and him, as well. After a moment of waffling, she turned and steered her course towards Bikanel Island instead.

Dawn was breaking over the desert when she landed; it was much too dangerous to approach the Machine Faction's excavation headquarters from above in the morning light. While larger airships like the Fahrenheit were still a rarity in Spira, Bikanel was the one place where the Al Bhed were most likely to notice and spot her if she arrived from the sky. So, after some consideration, she touched down at the edge of the Cactaur Nation. The cactaurs were ancient and eccentric enough to keep the nature of her arrival to themselves, and the light sandstorm whipping around their village made for good cover. She paid Marnela's tiny reborn cactus form a visit and was secretly relieved that Benzo, the Al Bhed interpreter, was nowhere to be found.

Fighting her way towards the edge of the whipping winds, she donned her traveling outfit. Carefully she fitted her goggles over her eyes and wrapped a light scarf around her head to block out the scorching heat of the sun. Then, with a deep breath, she pushed out of the storm and began the familiar, arduous trek over the rolling sands under the clear blue sky.

The sun beat down mercilessly, painting wavering mirages over the sands, and it wasn't long before Rikku missed the coolness of the cactaur valley, gritty sandstorms notwithstanding. Though she made good time across the dunes, when the sun began to peak in the sky she slowed down, searching for shelter. A rocky outcropping offered just enough shade for her to take a pause and sip at her water. Settling against the warm sands, she inventoried her pouches, counting her grenades and dark gems. While the Al Bhed had reestablished regular machina patrols to keep the desert safe, nothing could truly tame the harsh wilderness of Bikanel. Zus and sandworms still crossed over and under the rolling landscape, waiting to capture unwary travelers in their jaws.

When she was satisfied with her defenses, Rikku leaned back and let herself doze; it was the hottest part of the day, and she wasn't foolish enough to attempt crossing the desert on her own. She watched the flickering heat create mirages that formed and dissolved endlessly, witnessing visions that she knew couldn't possibly exist.

A younger Auron and Braska caught her eye, struggling through the sands. Braska fell first, and Auron scrambled to pick him up, hauling the other man onto his back. They continued for a while, before even Auron sank to his knees, overcome by the heat. They lay there for some time, helpless, before a young Al Bhed woman rose from the sands, approaching them. She lifted her goggles, revealing a face that bore a striking resemblance to Rikku's own. Rikku recognized the other woman's outfit; she'd worn it before. It was her aunt, Braska's future wife. Raenn put her hands on her hips and shook her head, rolling her eyes, and then sank to one knee beside them.

The three figures disappeared and were replaced by a splash of red and gold. This time it was Auron, much older now, and accompanied by Tidus. Behind them, Kimahri followed carrying Lulu in his arms, two vivid splashes of dark color against the incandescent sands. The four of them crested the hill together, and then Tidus stopped. He jumped up and down, waving his hands, and raced ahead of the others over a sand dune. Rikku knew he'd find a younger version of her waiting at the bottom.

The winds blew again and they vanished, replaced by a scrap of a girl sprawled in the sand with binoculars in hand. The girl dropped the equipment to bury her face into the crook of her elbow, her shoulders shaking. A larger figure kneeled beside her, frowning fiercely into the distance, then looked at the prone girl with a gentle, conflicted gaze. Her brother, Keyakku, helped her younger self to her feet and dragged her away from her perch where she'd spied on Gippal and Nhadala.

Shutting her eyes, Rikku let herself drift. When she opened them again, she watched explosions flicker over the horizon, followed by an enormous plume of dust: the final end of their first Home, and also the grave of far too many Guado soldiers who'd blindly followed Seymour into his bloody war. The cloud of dust puffed higher and higher into the sky, darkening the endless blue and masking the burning sun.

"Enough," Rikku murmured, rolling onto her knees and scrambling to her feet. That last view of the sky was no illusion; twilight was descending, and the oppressive heat of the day had finally broken enough to permit for travel again. Taking one last long sip of water, she set out into the golden sands once more.

Activity picked up around her as she hiked her way in towards the excavation camp; besides the usual motley assortment of gravity bikes, sand sailors, and cross-country transports whizzing by, there was a familiar red airship parked prominently in the sky over the permanent headquarters. "Huh," Rikku muttered, adjusting her goggles. "Guess it's time for a family reunion."

She broke into a jog, waving at the scattered groups of Al Bhed working on machina around the outskirts of the camp. A few ignored her, but some waved back. And even more did a double-take when they recognized her. She noticed several figures go running towards the main building – Gippal had long replaced the tents with something more permanent – but was greeted not by the leader of the Machine Faction first, but a rather familiar-looking tattooed figure racing to meet her.

"Brother! What are you doing here?" she called out. And then wheezed as he hit her with the force of a professional blitzball player harboring all of her speed but double her mass. "Whoa! Hey! Lemmie go, you lunatic!"

After spinning her around once, Brother planted her on her feet and grabbed her by the shoulders, giving her a good shake. He fired off his questions rapidly in Al Bhed, slightly more eloquent in his native tongue than he was with his hard-learned Spiran.

"I should ask that of you. Are you not still living with your head buried in the sands of Besaid?"

"Ok, fair," she managed to bite out between his shakes. "But can you stop trying to shake all that sand out of me at least?"

He kept on going as if he hadn't heard her. "You finally got off of that island! It's about time! Tell me, how is Yuna? Is she still married to Tidus?"

Ducking out of his grip, Rikku reached up and smacked him on the side of his head. "Yunie's fine, and you need to stop asking about her already." She paused, and then reached her other hand up to rub her knuckles along both sides of his head. "Hey, you changed your hair!"

"Yes. I look good, don't I?" he said, leaning back and preening as he showed off. He'd traded in his signature Mohawk for a topknot with an undercut; it made his face slightly less stern and more angular to look at. "Calli told me I looked better this way."

A full-blown smirk overtook Rikku. "Ohh? Calli got you to change your hair, ehh? Since when did you start paying attention to what Calli thought, huh?"

Brother crossed his arms defensively, his face turning the same tell-tale red hers could as he glared at the sky. "Since she joined the Gullwings." He sniffed loudly. "Seeing as how somebody left us hanging, we had to start recruiting. Calli offered to join us and we have been having fun sphere hunting ever since. Lots of fun. So much fun. You would not believe how much fun we have." He peeked at her from the corner of his eye, still sulking. "Though you might if you rejoined us." The pleading note of hope in his voice was even more obvious than the puppy-dog side-eye he was giving her.

"Forget it," she told him flatly, smushing his face away with her palm. "I've had enough of being a third wheel on Besaid. I'm not about to start all over again on the Celsius." Turning on her heel, she marched towards the base camp, making for the entrance to the largest building.

"You would not be a third wheel!" Brother exclaimed, hurrying after her. "The Celsius does not even have wheels! You should come back to us. Think of it. The Gullwings reunited! Spira's best sphere hunters, back in action!"

"How about no?" Rikku laughed. "YRP's days are over and done with. Yuna's married and Paine is practically leading the Guardians now. I'll leave you guys to it, if you don't mind. Besides, I have my own mission to fulfill right now anyhow."

Brother grabbed her arm, jerking her to a stop. She spun around, her smile fading at the intense look on his face. It wasn't quite a glare… rather more like concern. And even a hint of fear.

"Mission? You're on another mission? Your last one… did not end so well," he reminded her. "What are you planning?"

Rikku's indignation softened as she remembered Paine's warning. "I'm not going away again," she told him, grabbing his hand and patting it. "Not for a long while yet, at least. Stop worrying, this time my vacation isn't going to be dangerous."

"This time?!" Brother gripped her hands tightly, though his face drew down into a more familiar scowl. "You say that now," he grumbled. "Well, fine. It is good that you're here. Gippal needs to see you anyway."

The worry spiked back up. "This is about the Pollendina Restoration thing, right? I heard some guy named Berrik tried to win you over."

"Arg!" Brother's face screwed up into an expression of disgust. "This Berrik is an asshole. Did you know he is the reason I never signed with the Psyches? He is very good at spinning tales that have nothing to do with reality. And he thinks he is such hot stuff! Do this, do that," he mimicked with exaggeration. "I am the leader around here! I don't like how he tries to order people around."

Rikku nodded, resuming a slower walk towards the building. "From what Paine told me, he does more than try. He's even got Pops under his thumb?"

They let out a soft groan of exasperation at the exact same time, then stopped to laugh in cynical acknowledgement.

"Well you know father. He always starts something big that he cannot finish. Then he makes other people do it for him. And we all pay the price." There was a surprising amount of bitterness in Brother's tone; it was clear that he still hadn't forgiven Cid for forcing him to be the one to push the button that destroyed Home fourteen years ago. To be fair, she couldn't blame him. It'd needed to be done, but Cid had simply given the order. He'd left the most painful part of filling that order that to his followers… to his son.

"So how'd you get away from those fanatics?" she asked. "And what are you doing here?"

"I flew," Brother shrugged. "It's not like this Berrik could stop me. The Celsius was nearby, and I am not so bad at blitzing, even on land."

That brought Rikku to a stop. "Wait, he tried to kidnap you?"

Brother scratched his chin. "Maybe? He has experience with this you know. I think he might have tried to take the Celsius too, but Shinra installed new security measures and Calli and Buddy use the Garment Grids." He shook his head. "Berrik is just like that. Very grabby-grabby. He was convincing at first, but I do not think he actually wanted me to lead. Just stand there and look pretty for him instead. So I left. But I warned him to stay away from you and Yuna first," he added firmly. "Or else, he would get to see the Gullwings in action personally."

"Thanks. This guy sounds like bad news," Rikku grumbled, pushing her way past the heavy doors. She sighed in relief as cool air hit her face, a stark contrast from the dry desert heat. "Is that why you're here now?"

"Yes. He is challenging Gippal. Since he is making so much noise about our family, I thought it would be good to have at least one Pollendina standing behind the Machine Faction." He shoved her with his elbow. "Could be two you know!"

"We'll see." She paused as Brother pushed a set of double doors open for her, ushering her into what looked like a command center. Blue-lit maps with outlines of various excavation sites around Bikanel covered nearly the entire wall, and several Al Bhed were chattering and hustling in and out of the room with pieces of equipment, maps, and charts in tow.

Leaning over one of them was the man of the hour. Gippal looked up, his eye crinkling into a smile at both of them. "Well well well. The Pollendina siblings, together again. Now if that isn't a sight for sore eyes."

"Hey, Gip." Rikku raised her hand in an awkward wave, and Brother rolled his eyes, making a choking sound.

"You stop that," Brother declared, pointing a finger at Gippal. "Pollendina this, Pollendina that. I am a Gullwing first! Father can keep that stupid name for himself!"

Gippal's eye narrowed. "Names have power."

"Bah!" Brother replied, crossing his arms and stomping to a corner of the room. "And leave my sister out of this thing. She will run back to Besaid and disappear again the moment you start!"

"I can speak for myself, you know," Rikku huffed, crossing her arms and standing across the table from Gippal. He straightened and winked at her. "Brother's kinda right, though. I didn't come here to join anybody's cause. I just wanna know what's going on first."

Gippal's eyebrows shot up. "You can't tell me you haven't heard anything yet! Spira might be gearing up to go to war again, and your dad's at the center of it."

"Paine gave me a rundown," she admitted. "But I want to hear it from you. Everywhere I go, people keep bringing up the family name and this Berrik guy. How bad is it, really?"

Gippal sighed and flopped backwards into a chair, gesturing for her to have a seat. He started speaking once she was settled.

"Well, you know Berrik. He's thirty-three years old and still as hot-headed as he was heading the Psyches. Since signing on to Cid's idea of a royal family, he's been spreading rumors about the Pollendina dynasty's great history with Spira." He laughed at the look of horror stealing over Rikku's face. "Yeah, really, that's what they've been calling it. According to the Restorationists, the dynasty has always been an integral part of shaping important world events.

You know, they're even saying now that Lord Braska traveled with an Al Bhed guardian at his side. That your aunt Raenn married him just so she could give birth to a savior of Spira that could unite the two races. Since she actually pulled it off, she pissed off the Church so much that they tried to have her assassinated. But those Pollendina leadership genes were strong enough to win over even Yevon's top assassin, the legendary guardian Sir Auron.

Seeing that plan backfire, the Church then tried to spread the rumor that Raenn was killed by Sin instead. But Berrik's claiming that what really happened, see, was that the three of them busted Sir Jecht out of Bevelle's dungeons. Then they left on the Pilgrimage together. Without Raenn Pollendina at his side, Lord Braska wouldn't have defeated Sin the first time." Gippal shook his head in disbelief. "They're even saying they have sphere recordings from back then to prove it."

Rikku had long since frozen over from the moment Gippal started regaling her with 'Raenn's' adventures. "This is a total disaster," she managed to mumble through her slack-jawed shock.

"Yep. Then Yuna came along and picked you up for her Pilgrimage, and you guys saved the world again. Twice. Every single time something good's happened, a Pollendina's been right in the thick of it."

"That's just a coincidence!" Rikku snapped, feeling some of the surprise starting to fade into embarrassment and indignation. Being compared to a mythological version of Aunt Raenn sucks.

"Yeah," Gippal said blithely, unaware of her inner turmoil. "You know it's all bullshit. You were there."

Rikku stifled a manic laugh.

"The problem is that everybody else wasn't," Gippal continued obliviously. He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his forehead, letting out a tired moan. "Berrik's just too good at this shit. He knows how to put a spin on anything and he's got Cid eating out of his hand, backing up every single story he fabricates."

"Father already gave him the Fahrenheit, but he still tried to steal the Celsius, too," Brother reminded them.

Gippal nodded. "The only reason anyone would be looking to establish that much air superiority is for strategic reasons. He's being pretty obvious about this power grab – I already had to cede control of Djose temple to him. If my guess is right, he'll be moving on to Luca next, since they're likely to be more receptive to his propaganda. At any rate, he's gotta secure his south flank before he moves north onto Bevelle. And he's got half of the Al Bhed population hanging on his every word already anyway."

"Everyone wants to believe they're special," Rikku murmured. "That all of their suffering has a greater meaning. That's… it's just cruel, to exploit our people's misery like that. To be honest… it feels a lot like what Seymour did to the Guado during Yunie's Pilgrimage."

"Yeah, and we all know how well that ended," Gippal agreed. "The Machine Faction keeps bleeding talent to him, though. He's promising instant results. Not just equality, but superiority. All the recognition and respect that the Al Bhed never had before."

"Hey hey. Enough of this serious talk," Brother cut in, glancing warily at her. "This does not have to be your problem, Rikku. You have done enough for Spira already. You said you are on vacation, yes? Another personal mission? Gippal and I will handle this Berrik. You… just take your break."

A sudden fondness flooded Rikku at her brother's awkward attempts to protect her from the rising storm.

"Thanks. But I'm not the only one who could use a break," she noted, seeing the weariness etched onto Gippal's face. "Why don't we get something to eat and catch up?" she said impulsively. "There's more to life than Berrik's scheming. Let me remind you guys of that!"

This time Brother was smirking. "What is it? No, I think I will not be this 'third wheel.' Eat your food without me!"

Gippal leaned back and crossed his ankle over his knee, grinning. "Oh! So little miss hard-to-get is finally asking me out on a date, huh? I accept."

"Hey, waitaminute—!"

"See? Go on! Have your date!" Brother was already making for the exit, but he paused, then turned around and pointed at Rikku. "You are going somewhere. When you are done here, I will take you there on the Celsius. No arguments!"

"You know, I-"

"Rikku!" He matched her glare for a few moments, before grunting and storming for the doors.

"… Fine." Rikku wilted, glaring half-heartedly after her retreating brother.

"You know he's just worried about you," Gippal pointed out.

"But I'm fine!" she repeated with more volume. "We're both adults now! It's not like I need a chaperone!"

"You might." Gippal's unusually somber tone caught her off guard. "I wish you'd take this more seriously. He already tried to trap Brother. If word gets out that you're traveling the world again on your own, it's only a matter of time before he makes a move on you." His face turned down in distaste at the phrasing. "Maybe literally. I wouldn't put it past him to pull a Seymour on you. You remember the whole sham marriage with Yuna thing?"

"I don't even know the guy!" Rikku grumbled. "You really think he's dumb enough to try some caveman attempt to hit me over the head and drag me back to his base in Djose?"

"Maybe. It wouldn't be the strangest idea he's had yet," Gippal admitted. "But let's grab some grub first. I'm starving."

Rikku followed him to the communal cafeteria, which was crowded with a line of faction members grabbing trays of food from a food counter. She observed Gippal making easy conversation with his subordinates as he waited for his turn. He'd never insisted on treating anyone differently by rank and station, and that included himself. That had always been the Al Bhed way, and it was comforting to see him staying true to their roots even as their leader. The thought of anyone trying to impose an artificial order, a privileged ruling class over her people, filled Rikku with a deep-rooted sense of wrongness.

As her tray was handed back to her, Rikku was pleasantly surprised by the aromatic smell of garlic and cinnamon wafting from the golden-hued plate of rice on her tray. It was topped with hearty chunks of braised meat doused in a creamy spiced yogurt sauce, garnished with fresh green herbs and a smattering of toasted almonds. A surprisingly crisp salad of lettuce, tomatoes, radishes, and cucumber interspersed with fried bits of flatbread and doused liberally with a tangy lemon dressing accompanied the meal.

"Syhcyv and vydduicr? I haven't had this in so long!" she gushed, salivating over the mouthwatering dishes.

Gippal laughed, bumping her towards the exit. "C'mon. It's too crowded in here. Let's eat outside."

They hiked out to the edge of the camp, settling to eat on a pair of desert trawlers overlooking the rolling sands.

"How'd you keep your vegetables so fresh?" she managed to mumble around a mouthful of food, moaning in delight at the explosion of flavors.

Swallowing, Gippal shrugged. "It's not just weapons that we're digging up here. We discovered ways to transport and keep food cool even without magic. It's been great for morale. We're even thinking of trying to advertise Al Bhed cuisine and fashion as an export now. Nobody else in Spira lives the same way we do, after all."

"Mmph," Rikku agreed. They finished their meal in companionable silence, and didn't move afterwards, both caught in the lethargic stupor of a good meal after a hard day of work.

"I'm glad you came," Gippal said eventually, not bothering to look at her. "Nearly missed us, too. We were just about to leave tomorrow morning. This way you can hitch a ride on the Celsius with us."

"Where are you and Brother going?" she asked. "It's not like him to take a break from sphere hunting."

"Yeah, well, we've got too much going on right now," Gippal admitted, a bit of weariness creeping into his voice. "Berrik isn't my only problem. Did Paine tell you about New Yevon reforming?"

Rikku hummed in agreement. "I heard. Yunie's already been contacted by them, you know? Shelinda wants to teach more people to perform the Sending. I can't believe I'm saying this, but… I don't think that's a bad thing?"

"Well," Gippal hedged. "Maybe not, but I'd still be a lot more comfortable if Baralai was back in on this, keeping her in check. Shelinda can be a little… intense," he said with a short laugh. "I was planning on stopping by Bevelle to parley with them. Keep the Machine Faction off of their shit list and make sure they knew we weren't a part of that Restoration craziness." He shook his head. "I fought too hard for this, Rikku. I don't want to see us go back to those heretic-hunting days."

She nodded quietly. "Well, you know… Shelinda can be an experience, but at least her heart's in the right place. Besides, don't you like intense?" she teased. "Maybe you could think about pulling a Seymour yourself. Start dating her, and roll all those New Yevonites into your Machine Faction. Paine's Guardians would back you up, and then you could put this Berrik guy in his place. Together. You know, the way it should be?"

"Hah! When'd you get so calculating?"

"Hey, this is pure self-interest speaking." Rikku put her palms up, shaking her head. "I don't want this Berrik guy coming after me either!"

"You know what the hardest part about all this is?" Gippal flopped backwards with a sigh, hiking his feet up and staring at the darkened sky. "That all these problems cropping up now are our fault. The trouble and fighting isn't being caused by the Yevonites or the Crusaders or the Youth League. This time it's on us. The real enemy's within ourselves."

He was being unusually candid with her for once, and Rikku spared a glance at him. "You scared?"

"Mmm," he agreed, shutting his good eye. "This might just be a first for me. Wondering if I was wrong. We were wrong. Spreading machina all over Spira, trying to make ourselves relevant now that Yevon wasn't breathing down our collars. Maybe we should've slowed down a little. Not pushed so hard." His eye slid open, and for a minute, he looked hollow and tired. "If it comes down to a fight, it's gonna be messy, even without Sin. I'm starting to think Yevon was right. If you use machina for everything, eventually you're gonna end up using machina for war."

She dropped her head onto her knees, silent and unsure of what to say. Up until Braska's Pilgrimage, she'd agreed with his old attitude. She'd even spent her time after the Eternal Calm traveling the world as teacher, showing people everywhere how to restore and use machina. It was only after seeing the pure, unspoiled landscape of the past that she'd realized just how much the Machine Faction had pushed to industrialize Spira. And that maybe it wasn't always a good thing.

Their silent agreement was comfortable, if sobering. A familiar feeling of warmth spread through her; sitting in the dark next to Gippal was reminding her of her childhood, when things were simpler… and they were actually friends.

So she stiffened instantly when he reached out to grab her hand. That comfortable atmosphere evaporated, replaced with an unwelcome tension.

"I've got more headaches than I have painkillers, Rikku." He twined his fingers between hers. "And I'm wondering if you came here to become one of my painkillers. What's the deal with you? With us?"

It was the right decision to come here, she realized. Still, it didn't make what she had to do next any easier.

"I'm a Pollendina, Gip. The only thing I'd bring you is more headaches." Gently, she untangled her fingers from his and drew her hand away. "I'm sorry. You're a great guy, but we work better as friends, don't you think? Let's keep it that way."

She heard him shift and kept herself from turning to look. She didn't want to see his disappointment. After a minute, he let out a gusty sigh.

"Thanks for being honest." He sat up, running a hand through his hair and chuckling. "That's the third time you've rejected me. I can take a hint." He caught her eye and grinned. "Hey. No hard feelings, alright? We're still good."

"Really?" she asked, unable to stop the relief from bubbling up in her voice. "I'm so glad. And you know… I do wanna help. I mean with the Machine Faction. You guys are my real family. Like Brother said, Pollendina's just a name."

"I wonder," Gippal replied. "You say that, but you've been different ever since you came back from the Farplane. It feels like you lost something important to you there and anyone who knows you would have to be blind not to notice. It's like somebody snuffed out a flame in you, and you're just going through the motions with us now."

Rikku chewed on her lower lip, her fingers playing restlessly with one of the beads in her hair. "You're not too far off the mark," she admitted. "But I'm working on it, okay?"

She could feel Gippal's lone eye boring into her cheek. "Did I mention that we're testing out some new radar?" he said suddenly. "We've been installing satellite dishes all around the perimeter of the island to track air traffic coming in and out. Can't be too cautious, right? So I've been wondering how you got here, since our instruments didn't pick up anything."

"Oh. Well that's cool. Good luck working out all the kinks in your new tracking system." The silence drew out between them, and she picked at the laces of her boots, stubbornly refusing to elaborate.

"Yeah, well… maybe one day you can tell me all about it," he said in a noticeably cooler voice.

Wincing, she finally met his gaze. "Listen, one day I will – but I'm on a mission right now, and if it's successful, I think you'll understand."

"Don't jeopardize the mission?" Gippal asked dryly. "And here I thought you said you were on vacation." He grinned at the look of chagrin on her face. "Fine, fine. I won't press. I'm still worried about you, though. Cid's not the only one who gets ideas that go outta control. Last time you became Yuna's Guardian."

"I'll be careful," she promised. "You guys need to stop worrying. It's not like my vacations end in disaster every single time!"

"I'd feel better about whatever you were doing if you'd at least ask Paine for a couple of bodyguards."

"Ugh, no way! I wonder whether you know what a vacation really is or not. Maybe you need to take one yourself to find out!"

"I wish." Gippal rolled off of the vehicle and offered her a hand. "But I can't take a break. Not now, not until this mess in Djose is dealt with." As he helped her down, his voice turned quiet. "What're you really doing, Rikku? Is it something I can help you with?"

Hopping down, she released him and dusted her skirt off. "I appreciate it. But I'm still searching for my happy ending. And that's something I have to find on my own."

"Well, you know where I am if you ever want me to be a part of it," he joked with a hint of melancholy. "In the meanwhile, the least I can do is throw Berrik off your scent. Where're you heading to?"

They strolled back towards the encampment, and Rikku scanned the area to make sure they weren't any eavesdroppers. "I'm going to Macalania," she admitted under her breath. "I've heard rumors of something going on up there."

"Figures," Gippal said. "That area's not really any of my business, but I've heard stories of funny things happening in the forest there. People are confused, and there's rumors that Shelinda's New Yevon movement might have something to do with it. If you ask me, that's why they're picking up so much steam now."

"What do you mean?" Rikku frowned, already suspecting the answer.

"What I mean is that they're taking credit for 'bringing back the Fayth'. It seems pretty harmless, since it doesn't look like Shelinda's gunning for world control the same way Mika was. But I'm taking a trip up to Bevelle all the same, just in case. Gotta make sure this new wave of piety doesn't sweep up the Al Bhed as a bunch of heretics all over again."

Rikku put her hand on her chin, frowning. Jecht, what exactly are you up to now? "Thanks, Gippal. I mean it."

"So… need a ride? Brother can drop you off, it's on the way anyhow."

She'd been planning on sneaking off the island quietly. Still, looking at Gippal's hopeful expression, and thinking about Brother's concern gave her pause. "Yeah. You know, I think I'll take you guys up on that offer. Thanks," she said, a genuine smile returning to her face as she felt herself reconnecting with a part of her life that she hadn't even known she'd missed.

"You got it," Gippal replied with an easy smile.

It feels good to be an Al Bhed again, she realized.



AN: The Al Bhed meal is a mostly made-up dish that has a strong basis in Arabic cuisine (specifically mansaf and fattoush).

 

[Enkida]

I found some obscure official artwork by an unknown artist that was a first design for Rikku's Thief dressphere from FFX-2. This is how she might have looked in the second game if somebody hadn't decided that they wanted to see a bikini beach babe instead. I like to think of this costume as similar to what Rikku might be wearing in the sequel as her new travelling gear. Except she'd probably keep some braids in her hair if she still had a few of Auron's prayer beads left over to weave into them.

​

 

[App]

Glad to have finally caught up on this story! The new addition seems like it's adding some more character work, which is what I loved about the original, as well as some additional extra lore, and all those fun tensions, now in the future rather than the past.

I'm looking forward to what comes next if more of this comes down the pipeline!

 

[Enkida]

Glad to have finally caught up on this story! The new addition seems like it's adding some more character work, which is what I loved about the original, as well as some additional extra lore, and all those fun tensions, now in the future rather than the past.

I'm looking forward to what comes next if more of this comes down the pipeline!

Click to shrink...

Oh don't worry, there's more coming! I have this story outlined to the end as well, I thought it would take just 10 chapters. (That's probably wrong, the characters keep talking to one another and making the story dive off into new directions.) I don't expect it to be nearly as long, both length and timewise, as MV though. Seems like I can't just write a happy ending as requested, though. Something in me demands that it make as much sense as possible, not just make the readers feel good. XD

Thanks for commenting!

 

[Enkida]

Ad Vitam Aeternam

​

Chapter 4: Macalania

Rikku stood on the deck of the Celsius, her eyes glued to the landscape below. Cool wind whipped past her ears, but even so, it wasn't nearly as chilly as she remembered in the past. The years hadn't been kind to Lake Macalania; since Shiva's disappearance, all of the unnatural snow had melted away, leaving behind only a rocky, bleached canyon. Here and there bits of moss and small shrubbery struggled to survive on the wind-swept cliffs, but overall the landscape was devastatingly barren. The lakebed itself had long since receded and the freshwater within the chasm was pale blue glacial melt, murky and full of silt.

"The magic's gone," she sighed.

"Maybe," Gippal replied from where he was seated cross-legged, sharing the view. "But I like to think of it as a different kind of magic. The land's coming back to itself. Remembering what it used to be. Nature's finally breaking itself out from under the thumb of Yevon." His lips twisted into a wry grin. "Kinda like us Al Bhed, huh?"

"I guess," Rikku hedged. The lonely canyon might have originally been part of Spira's actual geography, but it still felt wrong to see it in place of Shiva's icy glaciers. Though they hadn't exactly been friends, she felt a strange connection to the woman who'd once been known as the Goddess of Ice, and a mild sense of desolation at her noticeable absence from Lake Macalania. Despite her haughty attitude, Shiva had helped Rikku until the very end, giving her the strength to protect Auron and watch over him until his inevitable death. "Sometimes, though, I think… maybe not everything Yevon created was bad."

"Whoa there. Getting a little radical are we?" Gippal scoffed as the airship lost altitude. "You can think what you like, but me? I figure change is a good thing. Better that we all go through a few growing pains than stay frozen forever."

Rikku hid her crooked smile. "Well, I guess you're not wrong either." They passed over the sunken temple and settled near the cliff at the far edge of Macalania forest.

"Focus!" she told herself, slapping her cheeks. The tattered flags of Rin's abandoned trading post, somehow still standing, marked the beginning of the road leading inwards to the woods. Rikku prepared to disembark. "Why're you dropping me off here, anyway?" she asked as secured her pouches and adjusted her grip on her weapon. "I was planning on going into the forest, not hanging out around this lake."

"Well, almost nobody visits Lake Macalania these days." Gippal stood. "There's nothing here but seagulls. Which means you won't have an audience."

"I hear a 'but' in there." Rikku spared him a glance.

He shrugged. "Like you said… weird stuff's been happening in the forest. Nobody knows what's going on or what it's gonna look like today. Brother would have had a harder time trying to land in there anyhow, so you'll have to hoof it from here on out. And there's gonna be a lot of people hanging around the other exits, trying to figure out what's up. Coming in is easy. Getting out unnoticed is the trick."

The speakers crackled, and they both looked up as the sound of Brother's voice blared out over the intercom.

"Are you SURE you do not want to stay with us? The Gullwings are still accepting applications!"

"Applications?" Rikku's eye twitched. "Why would I have to apply? I thought I was one of the founding members!"

"Ah-HAH! So that is a yes the-?!"

There was another loud crackle, and then Buddy's voice rang out instead.

"Take care, Rikku. You better get off the ship before Brother gets out of this headlock."

Gippal laughed at her expression. "C'mere," he told her, reaching out and giving her a hug. "Do me a favor and keep me up-to-date on this mission of yours. For my peace of mind this time, yeah?"

Squeezing him back, she nodded. "You betcha." She stepped back and gave him a thumbs-up. "Stay strong! Even if you can't win Shelinda over as a friend, she doesn't have to be your enemy. And be careful about Berrik. I don't want you getting hurt."

"I should be saying that to you. Now go on," he said, delivering a mild kick to her backside that sent her flying off the edge of the ship.

"HEEEY!" She managed to flail and right herself before she could faceplant into the ground, then turned around and waved. "I'll get you for that!"

The Celsius was already pulling away; she could see Gippal leaning over the edge on one knee, smirking. "Looking forward to it," he yelled down at her. She watched the ship rise higher into the sky. It turned and disappeared, leaving behind ephemeral sparks as Brother gunned the engines.

Sighing, Rikku glanced at the decrepit trading post. She froze, imagining Auron in the spot where she'd laid him to rest so many years ago. Then she shook her head and turned away. Nothing was the same as back then; no cold, no snow, and most of all… no Auron.

For a moment a swell of loneliness overtook her. What if Jecht wasn't here? What if he was, but he couldn't help her find a way to be with Auron? She swayed on her feet. What if she was nothing more than the sum of her regrets, destined to exist just as Gippal had unwittingly suggested, an aeon stagnating in time forever?

A hint of a cool breeze blew past her, waking her from her musing, and she shook off her despondent lethargy. Nothing was exactly what would happen if she remained frozen on the shards of her regrets. Succumbing to that way of thinking would be no better than spending another five years in Besaid, hiding from reality. Taking a deep breath, she lifted her foot and took a step forward.

The path towards Macalania Forest was strewn with tiny rocks and the petrified remains of a few sparse branches and tree trunks. Very quickly, though, Rikku began to see signs of life. First grass and then a few larger shrubs. They were soon followed by saplings that quickly grew in size to full-blown trees. The forest was indeed recovering and spreading rapidly; still, the further in she wandered, the more she noticed the real problem: the trees were ordinary. There was no trace of Shiva's magical forest to be found in the newer sprouts; rather than crystalline plants, the weeds growing between them were of the mundane variety. Most damningly, there wasn't a single trace of memory water to be found, either above or below the surface of the budding flora.

She pressed on; the forest thickened around her. There had to be a reason for the rumors flying about; Braska had told her he'd sensed Jecht here, and she was determined to find him. The air around her was cooling noticeably, though it was just as likely due to the dense canopy overhead rather than any sort of magic. There was still no hint of the starlight, the frozen crystals, or the memory water that made Macalania special. In fact, the only unusual thing about the forest was the lack of people moving through it.

Stopping, Rikku frowned. "Wait… why aren't there any people here?" Suspicious, she glanced around the forest and then closed her eyes. "Maybe looking is the wrong way to go about this." Extending her senses, she felt for magic in the same way she'd sensed Isaaru's ward in Zanarkand. Her spine tingled and her nerves buzzed; after some time, she managed to detect faint traces of something in the air that resonated within her. She turned slowly, stopping when the sensations intensified. Popping her eyes open, she peered through the darkened tree trunks for something, anything that was out of the ordinary. In the distance, a flash of blue caught her attention. A butterfly.

She gave chase. The butterfly twisted in and out of the speckled light, drawing her further away from the beaten path. Crashing through bushes and picking her way over twisted roots, she kept her focus fixed on it so intently that she didn't even notice the stone that tripped her until it was too late. She landed hard on all fours, wincing. "Owwie…" Rolling over, she glared at the offending rock… and gaped.

"That's no rock," Rikku breathed, the ache in her knees forgotten as she scrambled closer. Jutting out of the ground was a spiked, diaphanous crystal formation. Inside of it, weak light pulsed. Memory water. "How'd you get there?"

Dropping her head close to the ground, Rikku pressed her ear against the crystal and held her breath. From within she heard the familiar crystalline hum of magic. "It's here." She latched onto the sound, attuning to it, feeling it run through her entire body. Scrambling upright, she let her feet lead her towards the magic. The trees seemed to twist and bend to accommodate her; now that she could hear the song of the forest, it was as if a veil was being lifted. She picked out a path along a particularly wide branch that took her up towards the canopy. As she climbed higher, she noticed round, glowing growths on the tree trunks here and there. They shed soft, ethereal light over her path. Though they weren't as large as they'd been in the past, it was clearly a sign that the magic of the forest was returning. The ringing of the trees intensified.

At the top of the branch, a whirlwind of blue butterflies were spinning in place before an unusually large crystal formation. The magic sparked like electricity through her veins, and Rikku shivered.

"This… it's an Oracle," she realized, approaching the enormous glowing bulb cautiously. She heard no voices and suffered no visions, but when she placed her hand against the cool, glassy surface, the water surged and pulsed under her palm. It was still growing, she realized with surprise. Relatively newly formed and yet incomplete.

The butterflies swirled and danced around her in coordinated agitation, so she pulled away to watch them. After a few more twists, they turned into strands of light, eventually coalescing into a familiar form, albeit slightly translucent.

"Pukutak?"

The mouse spirit swayed from side to side, happy to see her. "Oh me, oh my, our Eden has returned!" she gushed, clapping her tiny paws together. "Did you find that love for which you so yearned?"

Rikku let out a soft laugh. "Umm, yeah, sorta. But… it didn't last."

Pukutak nodded knowingly. "Most things don't, in this world of mortals. You were fortunate to have traveled through time's portal! It granted you a chance that many do not have." The mouse's ears dipped as she regarded Rikku curiously, her eyes dark and black. "So I don't understand why you are so sad."

"Well excuse me for being miserable! It's not like I can help it!" Rikku snapped, before reigning in her temper. After all, up until she'd spotted the butterfly she'd believed all of the forest spirits to be dead, vanished alongside their crystal forest. "Umm, sorry. It's still a sensitive topic for me right now."

Fortunately, the mouse-spirit hardly seemed offended by her outburst. Instead, Pukutak continued swaying from side to side, dancing to a tune that only she could hear. "No, I see now. You came to seek satisfaction. And the forest's new master is a man of action!"

Jecht. "Where is he?" Excitement kindled in Rikku's breast. "Where can I find him?"

Pukutak spun on her heel and blew a soft note through her horn. "Your soul-brother waits in the depths of the pool where tears were shed over fate most cruel." Twirling, she tooted a lively melody on the horn, fading away. "Hurry and go, your feet wish to fly. You will never know unless you try!"

As much as she wanted to take Pukutak's advice, Rikku picked her way back down to the forest floor slowly and carefully. The spirits always spoke in rhyming riddles, and she had no idea what the mouse had meant. "A pool of tears?" She hummed, thinking back over Yuna's pilgrimage. There had been that one time that Tidus took Yuna on a date in the forest. Yuna confessed afterwards that it had been 'the best kiss of my life, but also the worst.'

Rikku grinned, thinking of how Auron had prevented Wakka from chasing after them. Though, if she had to be honest, the only reason she really remembered that moment so clearly was because of how spectacularly she'd failed in her attempt to filch Auron's heavy sword while he wasn't looking. She'd overestimated her own strength, and he ended up having to pluck both it and her off of the ground, much to her embarrassment.

"Well… if Pukutak mentioned it, then that clearing must still exist," she mumbled, letting out a sigh of relief when her feet hit solid ground. It took some work to push her way through the underbrush; the old paths that had once existed were no longer there. And strangely enough the woods were still devoid of tourists, which was inconceivable considering how obviously magical the place had become once again.

"The Church really could have a revival if people knew this was happening." She frowned, wondering just how prying eyes were being kept out. A summoner would have the power to erect a barrier, but not over the entirety of the forest; it was just too big.

Following the tug of the magic helped Rikku orient herself much more than her eyes; she was sure she would've been hopelessly lost otherwise. Eventually the forest floor flattened out into an open, empty clearing. The tree in the middle of the watery glade was familiar; its bark still pulsed with the magic of the lake it grew out of. The thrum of power was strongest here; she knew this had to be it.

"Huh." Rikku frowned. There was no sign of Jecht, so she waded into the pool. It was crystal clear and she could see its magic in plain sight now; drifts of stars mixing in with the alluring promise of visions of the past. Here and there butterflies flitted about; members of the spirit race, their bodies still reforming just as the Oracle was. They must have been growing in number and strength, just as the crystalline trees were. "Where are you?" Rikku murmured, circling around the trunk. Finally, she took a deep breath and looked down.

The water of the pool was deceptively shallow. She knew, though, that diving in would take her far below the surface. And if the water really was active again, then she might not resurface if she couldn't hold on to her sense of self and keep her memories from pulling her under.

"Well… it's not like I can really drown, right?" she mumbled. Still, she made sure the breath she took was steady and deep before she tipped headfirst into the lake.

The water welcomed her with a musical sigh, its cool embrace drawing her into the starry depths. As she dove, feelings of nostalgia rose up to meet her, urging her to push deeper. She saw a flash of red and swam towards it. Of course it was Auron, young as he was during Braska's pilgrimage and desperately in love with her. He reached out towards her, a look of yearning on his unscarred face.

"Don't leave me," he whispered as she fell into his embrace.

Not this time, Rikku thought, grabbing onto him and leaning in to meet him, her eyes clouded with emotion. Finally. I missed you so much… His arms closed around her and she buried her face into his neck, exhaling with relief. As she did, she heard Pukutak's musical lilt echo in her ears.

"…where tears were shed over fate most cruel..."

This isn't real, she realized. The phantom Auron squeezed her even tighter, as if he knew she was going to leave him again. Ruefully she extracted herself from his grasp, grimacing as his image flickered and dissolved. For a moment she could only tread the water, trying to stay her grief and recompose herself in the present.

Somewhere below in the wake of the illusion, a soft light pulsed. She struggled towards it. Although she was unaware of how much time she'd spent embracing the phantom Auron in the depths, she was familiar with the tell-tale weight of suffocation in her chest.

A melody caught her attention, carrying through the water. She slowed as she heard it, stringing together the notes that grew clearer with each pass. It was the Hymn, crude but unmistakable.

Something in her reacted; her heart fluttered and her chest opened, spilling out a wave of unexpected wistfulness. Feelings of comfort and belonging enveloped her. It was safe and warm; it was everything she wanted. The Hymn dulled the pain of her memories, her losses; she felt like she might burst from joy. The tears that fell from her eyes were no longer of longing and regret. They flowed freely, mixing into the water; the song was overwhelming her. The words were familiar; the melody was home.

Ie-yui… The sound of Jecht's voice surrounded her, a rich baritone, slightly off-key. She surged forward, her arms outstretched.

No-bo-me-no, he rumbled.

Her hands found the glowing runes at the edge of the stone. She looked up at the sculpture; a familiar tanned back, crisscrossed with battle scars. He wore overlapping scales across his shoulder like a one-winged cape, his sword tightly gripped in the opposite hand.

She parted her lips. "Ren-" she tried to sing, but her mouth filled with water.

Ren-mi-ri, he answered.

Choking, she stopped trying to join the Hymn with her throat. Her breath, already short, stagnated in her chest and she hugged the stone, her lungs burning. Yo-ju-yo-go, she cried out, driven enough to hear the sound of her soul echoing, refracted through the water into wordless chimes. The stone pulsed underneath her fingertips. Her vision was going blurry, but she couldn't bring herself to let go.

Ha-sa te-ka na-e, he sang, and her voice joined his.

Ku-ta-ma-e!

Blackness overtook her; her entire chest was painfully tight from lack of air. Faintly, she felt a pair of arms encircle her and yank her upwards. She would have wheezed, but there was nothing left in her throat. Instead, when she broke the surface, she sputtered and hacked, spitting out water so that her lungs could suck in fresh air greedily.

When she stopped shuddering and convulsing, she scrubbed the tears from her cheeks and looked up to see a set of bare toes. Her eyes shot up, and despite feeling like a drowned rat, she couldn't help the smile that broke out over her face.

"Jecht!"

He squatted from his perch on the water, looking down at her with surprise. Uncrossing his arms, he offered her his hand. "Blondie! You woke me up," he rumbled, his voice thick from disuse. "Welcome to Macalania! You look older. I like it!"

He was stronger than ever; she practically shot out of the water when he pulled on her arm, her feet dangling before landing on its surface as though it were as solid as the ground of the forest behind her. "How…" she coughed, still feeling out of sorts. Despite the discomfort, she didn't mind when he crushed her to him in a bear hug that made her yelp in surprise.

"Wow, you really been hangin' out with humans for way too long," Jecht observed, giving her a few heavy pats on the back to clear the rest of the water out of her lungs. "You know you don't need ta breathe or walk, right? These bodies of ours can do whatever we want 'em to." He barked out a laugh. "You! Drownin'? Hah, you're makin' my day here Rikku."

Rikku gave up on wringing out the water from her hair and glared at Jecht. "Look, Tidus never told me about any of that! He doesn't go around Besaid walking on water or flying—wait a sec. Ok, bad example," she backtracked.

"Well at least think yourself dry, ya look awful," Jecht said, though he did lead her back towards the bank of the pool. "You're gonna make me feel guilty for puttin' my body at the bottom of the lake."

"Is that how you got here? You… brought yourself?" Rikku asked, falling to the ground in an exhausted slump, her heart still pounding from nearly losing consciousness. Her clothes squelched uncomfortably, drenched in water that felt a lot less magical now that she was back on land. She didn't bother trying to dry herself, sulking from his good-natured teasing.

Jecht settled next to her, humoring her refusal to act like a disembodied spirit. "Yep," he answered, crossing his legs before him. "Woke up in Zanarkand in that creepy snake lady's hallway o' horrors. So I decided, screw that. Picked my own body up an' left."

Rikku's eye twitched. "But how'd you – the runes – wouldn't you have – ?"

"Blondie, I got a flyin' sword an' all the time in the world. It wasn't that hard, really. Speakin' of which, if you ever wanna get yourself outta the Farplane, I'd be happy to help," he offered.

"And go where?" Rikku paused, then grabbed her head. "Ugh! No! This is not what I came here to talk about! Jecht!"

He laughed at her, a deep, belly laugh, and then leaned into her side. "Aww, I missed this. It's great seein' you again, Blondie."

"Me too," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "Why didn't you tell anyone where you went? You haven't even seen Tidus once yet since you came back."

Jecht harrumphed. "He's livin' his best life with Yuna out there in Besaid. I… I don't got the right to mess that up. If I show up, Yuna's gonna know. What I am. What he is. Maybe even what you are. I can't do that to my boy," he grumbled, looking at the ground. There was a moment of suspicious silence, punctuated by a sniffle.

"You can cry if you want, you know. The forest spirits call this place the pool of tears," she pointed out.

"I ain't cryin'!" Jecht shouted, pushing her off. "You just splashed some water in my eye, is all," he finished sullenly, glaring intently at the canopy above.

"Come on. I don't believe you. If you're so great at separating your body from your consciousness, you could've come to Besaid looking like somebody totally different and at least said hello."

Jecht rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Yeah, I guess," he hedged.

She stared, narrowing her eyes. "What's eating you? Spill it."

Grunting, he dropped his hand with a guilty look. "Look. I don't think you can understand, but, uh, it ain't so easy for me to act like a human anymore. Not the way you an' Tidus do. I spent a long time as Sin. You weren't there for it, Blondie." He looked away from her; his physical appearance was frozen in time from the moment he'd been transformed into a Final Aeon. He looked like a man only a couple of years older than her, in fact. His eyes, though, revealed some of his true age; of the decades that had passed for him since then. "It changes you."

Reaching out, Rikku gave his bicep a squeeze. "You feel guilty, you mean? Because of what you did while you were Sin?"

He shrugged slightly, not meeting her eyes. "I got a lot to make up for," he mumbled. "And, well," he added, reddening slightly. "Maybe I was a lil' intimidated. I ain't the world's best dad by a long shot."

She smiled; the younger Jecht she'd befriended would have rather eaten a blitzball than admit that he was afraid of anything. "You loved Tidus, and you tried your best," she tried to comfort him.

He shook his head and laughed. "Sometimes your best ain't good enough. Anyway, even if I was chocobo shit for runnin' away from him, it's not in my hands anymore." He gestured at the sparkling forest around them. "I saw how this place was disappearin' an' I had to do somethin' about it. What was goin' on here, it reminded me a lil' too much o' Dream Zanarkand. I didn't want anythin' else to be forgotten."

He stretched out his hand and a butterfly fluttered down, landing on his fingertip. "It was almost too late for these guys, see? Most o' the crystal forest was gone, and so were their bodies. I been workin' to bring the magic back since I came here, and they're finally startin' to recover." He shook the butterfly off, then let out a heavy sigh. "But doin' this ain't easy, Rikku. I sleep a lot, tryin' to hold things together with my dreams."

Rikku took another, closer look around the forest. "I mean, I'm impressed," she said after a few moments, awed by the realization that everything she was seeing was being sustained by him. I could have been helping, she realized with a pang. He's not even that great at magic. "How did you manage to grow this forest? You're not like Shiva. She was the God of Ice."

Jecht puffed up noticeably. "Well… I figure I must be a god of somethin' too," he said proudly. "An' I've always been good at strategizin'. This is just another battle, right? Fightin' to save the forest." His grin turned smug. "'Sides, I already got an idea 'bout how to set things right. If it all works out, I'll be able to leave this place one day without it crashin' around my head when I go." He crossed his arms, a glint of fierceness entering them. "I ain't ever gonna be like Yu Yevon."

"So what's your plan?" she asked, curious. "'Cause it sure sounds like you got one. And how are you keeping the humans out of your forest, anyway?"

"Oh, that? Well, there been less people comin' here ever since some summoner fella got this forest pegged as a Spiran cultural heritage site," Jecht said offhandedly. "But as for the rest, I just try to hide it by divertin' people's attention. Make it seem like there's more trees than there are, or less. Y'know, kinda like an illusion. It's way too soon for the spirits to let people go stompin' through here. But I mess up sometimes." He winced and rubbed at his forehead. "The whole damn place is getting' too big for me to handle. Least no one's noticed anything yet. "

Rikku sighed. "Yeah, about that…"

Jecht froze. "I messed up?"

She nodded with a sympathetic smile. "You messed up. I heard your work's being wrapped up into a New Yevon revival movement. I think they're saying they brought Shiva back."

"For real? Well, shit."

He looked so dejected at the news that she backpedaled. "I dunno! It's all just rumors I heard from other people! I don't really get out that much either," she admitted. "I could be wrong!"

That caused Jecht's face to fall. "Oh, man. An' here I thought you were better at this whole bein' human thing than I was." He threw his arm over her shoulder and let her lean in again. "Still missin' the stiff, huh?"

"Trying to bring him back, actually. I was hoping you'd have some advice for me, but it sounds like you have your own problems here."

Jecht fell silent for a while, his brows drawn in thought. "Y'know, seems to me like the first thing you should do is ask Auron if he wants to come back. Everythin' else is just pissin' in the wind."

Rikku wrinkled her nose. "There you go, being all reasonable again," she complained. "Just hear me out, alright? What if he did want to come back? What do you think we could do?"

"I mean, if I could I'd have asked Braska. He's the one who knew everythin' there was to know 'bout magic."

Rikku felt a hot blush stealing over her face and couldn't meet Jecht's eyes. She mumbled quietly under her breath.

Jecht's eyebrows shot up. "… Whaddaya mean, you already asked him? I can read lips, y'know!" He peered at her, then whistled lowly as her cheeks continued to darken. "Hooooh boy. You did more than just ask, didn'tcha," he observed through his obvious disbelief. "How the hell did ya manage to get Braska to show up anyhow? I thought he was gone."

Rikku waved her hands until the furnace that was her face cooled down a bit. "I went to Zanarkand, okay? There were enough pyreflies there to let his consciousness take a physical form inside the dome. It's, uh, it's not the first time I've done something like that, but he wasn't… complete."

Jecht's incredulity was morphing into humor. "Sounds like he was complete enough, though. So lemmie get this straight. You managed to bring Braska back after all this time, an' the first thing you two did was play hide the sausage? Are you for real?"

Rikku started hitting his shoulder in earnest, her cheeks flaming. "He was horny! And so was I, okay? It just happened, so shut up already!" she yelled, her voice so high it nearly broke.

Snorting out his laughter, Jecht held up a hand and shook his head. "Look, if Auron wasn't straighter than the Mi'ihen Highroad, I swear Braska would've had you guys in a three bean salad faster than he could get your skirt off." He let out another guffaw. "Which was pretty damn fast, apparently."

"Alright, you made your point," Rikku groused, cupping her hands to her cheeks to hide them. "But mine is that Braska didn't know what to do, either. So I'm kinda stuck here."

Jecht sighed and rubbed a hand over his head. "Okay, look. The first thing you gotta do is ask Auron what he wants. I know he's waitin' for ya on the Farplane, but that's just 'cause he wanted to make sure you got over him. Which ya haven't. I don't think the man's gonna be happy with you, Blondie."

"I know," Rikku grumbled, giving her cheeks another pat. "I'm just making a big mess all over again, aren't I?"

"'ey. Life is messy," Jecht told her. "But ya never know how things are gonna work out. I mean, you an' I are still here, right? An' I guess Braska is, too?" he added less certainly. "Maybe Auron will change his mind an' wanna have another shot at life with the rest o' us. Either way, you got what I think 'bout it."

Rikku hung her head. "Yeah… I guess I should've gone there to see him first, huh?"

"Don't be such a downer. We ain't exactly in a hurry, right? Besides," he said, leaning in with a crafty smirk. "I got an idea that might help ya convince him to come out an' try livin' again. Ask Auron to help you find somethin' for me."

"Find something? What something?"

"A special somethin'," Jecht said, looking cocky. "I'd go get it myself, but I can't leave the forest. So that's where you and Auron come in. I need you guys to go to Kilika and find me a sidekick."

"A sidekick." Rikku waited. Jecht continued to smile smugly rather than elaborate. Finally, she groaned and threw up her hands. "Well?!"

He stood up and started pacing. "So I been thinkin'... you remember Yojimbo, right? He had that dog, what's-his-name…"

"Koimanu?"

Jecht pointed at her. "Yeah! That one!" He spun and continued his restless pacing. "So anyway, I was thinkin' 'bout us, y'know. 'Bout aeons an' stuff. Yevon an' Yunalesca were all happy makin' em out o' people way back when, but what if they weren't the first? I mean we met Lenne, yeah? Not all them ancient summoners were bad people."

"Riiiight," Rikku nodded. "But what's that got to do with finding you a sidekick?"

"Well, I figure the good ones musta tried makin' summons outta other stuff before jumpin' right into the human sacrifice. They can't have gotten it too wrong, 'cause someone managed to make this Koimanu thing. I got to thinkin', there must be others out there. Failed experiments."

"Huh." She'd initially thought Jecht was spouting another one of his bad ideas, but what he was saying was kind of making sense. And also filling her with a growing feeling of excitement. "You're talking about lost Fayth. You mean there might be more of us!"

"Uh-huh." Jecht stopped pacing and crossed his arms.

"So you think there might still be some other Fayth out there that aren't human? Sorta like beta aeons? First run experiments?"

His arrogant smirk returned full-force. "I don't think. I know. I found one, Rikku."

"What?! How?!" she shrieked, jumping to her feet. "They're in Kilika?"

"Yep. I can't leave the forest myself, but I been workin' on bringin' the spirits back. An' since they're thankful, they've been helpin' me out with the search." He gestured at the butterflies that were circling around him. "They told me I can find my own version o' this Koimanu in Kilika." He stared at her for a moment, his eyes getting bigger and rounder.

"Ok, what're you doing now?" Rikku asked, taking a step back from him as he leaned in. "It's creeping me out!"

"You gotta do this for me, Blondie!" His hands came up clasped under his chin and his voice turned into a petulant whine. "I always wanted a dog!"

She couldn't help it; he looked so ridiculous that she burst out into peals of laughter. After a moment, he joined her. It took them some moments to recover; she did first, wiping the tears from her eyes. "This pool is earning its name today," she wheezed. "All right. You know what? If chasing after aeon puppies convinces Auron to leave the Farplane, then I'll do it."

Jecht nodded wisely. "Kids and puppies are humans' greatest weakness. An' we already know Auron's got a soft spot for kids."

Sighing, Rikku nodded and held up her hand. "It's a deal," she said.

"Yeah!" Jecht crowed, returning her high-five.



AN: I went back and forth over how drastically Macalania might have changed in 14 years. I decided after looking at the region, the supposed height of the land above sea level, and the climate, that all the snow would have completely melted away.

 

[Enkida]

There's some really cool artwork of a possible Fayth stone for Jecht that many of you have likely seen already. Jecht's stone in this story is a standard one, showing his back and not his chest, but this image is just too great to not share. The original piece is titled "Inori-ko" by Maresuke and was drawn on February 26, 2002. For English speakers at least, this artist was last seen on the internet in 2012.

Here's a link to Maresuke's sketch blog which contains multiple images of Jecht (and little boy Tidus). The Fayth stone is image no. 187. I'm not posting the image directly here because it wasn't drawn for this story, but I encourage everyone to take a look!

 

[Enkida]

Ad Vitam Aeternam

!! This chapter contains mature content! Visit AO3 for the uncensored version !!​

Chapter 5: The Farplane

Five years hadn't been enough to scrub the evidence of the LeBlanc Syndicate's chokehold on Guadosalam, but at least the atmospheric underground settlement was no longer as aggressively tourist-driven as it had been before.

"Probably because of Isaaru and his cultural heritage site movement again," Rikku mumbled, still a little uncomfortable with the idea of actually affording the former summoner something like her respect. She was unable to stop a grin from forming when she spotted a teenaged Guado girl sporting the latest Lucan fashion sprint past her on the streets below. Much like the Ronso, there weren't all that many Guado left in the world; the scars of Seymour's last war still ran deep throughout all of Spira. But the world had healed over enough for the few that remained to slowly return to their forest homeland, once again becoming the caretakers of the Farplane.

On the bright side, the residents were no longer as conceitedly xenophobic as they'd been in the past. Less optimistically, the results of LeBlanc's commercialization remained everywhere, from the loud pink signposts and trinket boutiques on every street corner to the luxury chain hotel still running out of Seymour's former residence. Even if the gnarled, ancient tree roots and strange, symbiotic architecture remained, there was no denying it – the Eternal Calm had changed the face of Guadosalam permanently.

As she walked the streets, swaying with her arms behind her back, she was glad she'd taken Jecht's advice and changed her appearance. Short chestnut hair reminiscent of Yuna's framed her face and her eyes were a completely unremarkable shade of brown. She'd managed to leave Macalania and arrive in Guadosalam mostly unnoticed. It felt strange, though, walking through her life in a body that wasn't exactly her own. Without her long blonde hair with its beaded braids clacking around her she felt strangely exposed and alien, even more out of place than when she transformed into Eden.

It was that discomfort which spurred her to hurry towards the Gate, hoping to return to her own appearance as quickly as possible. The traffic in the city was thin; she'd purposefully chosen the early hours of the morning to avoid the crowds while making her visit. Still, as she entered the winding tunnel leading to the portal, she slowed at the sight of a familiar figure waiting near the entrance.

"Maechen?"

"Hmm? Oh my, hello there, young lady," he greeted, adjusting his glasses. "You seem so familiar… have I perchance made your acquaintance?"

"Oh! Well, umm… can you keep a secret?"

Maechen stroked his beard. "I'm afraid not if it pertains to history, my dear. But if it concerns other matters, mum's the word."

Rikku drew close, letting her eyes return to their natural swirled green. "Well, I'm not planning on changing history or even making it anymore, so we're good, right? It's me, Rikku. How've you been?"

"Lady Rikku Pollendina! Why now, there's quite the furor going on about your family, isn't there?" Maechen said in surprise. He gestured at her hair. "I can see why you might well choose discretion. And yes, I do indeed remember you. We met on Lord Braska's pilgrimage, did we not?" His rheumy pale blue eyes grew distant. "Or was it Lady Yuna's? I can't seem to recall anymore," he muttered.

"Does it really matter? I'm here right now." She grinned, delighted by her luck. "In fact, you're just the person I wanted to see. You've been alive for a while, right?" she asked cautiously, not sure of the state of his memory.

"Hmm," Maechen replied noncommittally. "That is one fairly inaccurate way to phrase it, yes. But I much prefer to speak of history rather than myself, as you well know. Would you like to hear a story?"

Danger! Rikku brought up her hands to wave him down before he could launch into one. "In a way, yeah. I wanted to know if you ever heard about any Fayth that managed to make themselves human again."

"Oh-ho! Now that is an interesting question! And one I believe I've never been asked before," he said, closing his eyes and thinking. "I'm afraid I must disappoint you though, my dear. To become a Fayth is something akin to death itself, you see. A summoner must sacrifice that individual's life, freezing the soul in the moment of its transition, and bind it to a sacred stone. This is why breaking the Fayth stone destroys a Fayth, you see. The trapped soul is then released from its prison and can once again rejoin the flow of time. Which of course would result in a true human death for that soul." He looked thoughtful. "I suppose that does mean that a Fayth which has been utterly destroyed will have a brief moment of being human once more. But such a moment is fleetingly transient."

She couldn't help it; her legs gave out from under her and she sat down, hard. Back then, Yunalesca had forced Braska to kill Jecht?

"I don't have fond memories of this chamber."

She dropped her head into her hands. "What an understatement, Braska," she muttered, feeling sick.

"Oh my! I'm so sorry Lady Rikku, I had idea this information would upset you so much." Maechen leaned over to place a comforting hand on her shoulder. He paused then tapped her shoulder again, this time more experimentally. "Oh, I… see."

"Yeah, well…" She raised her head and took in a deep, cleansing breath. "Maybe let's keep that info to ourselves in the future, right? I don't think it'd be a good idea to reintroduce that kind of knowledge to Spira."

"You do make a compelling point," Maechen said, stepping back and patting his beard thoughtfully. "I will try to remember it in the future, though I admit... at my age, it's difficult to make such promises, let alone abide by them."

"Well, how about a different question then. About… Unsent," she said, letting the question hang between them.

"Hmm." Maechen looked at her shrewdly. "Yes. What is it about us that you'd like to know?"

"How do you manage to stay like that?" She gestured at Maechen abstractly. "You know… not all fiendy. What keeps you sane?"

Maechen sighed, then took off his glasses and began to wipe them absently. "To be honest, I do not actually know. My circumstances are rather special, you see. For I did not remember what I was for most of these past thousand years." He replaced his spectacles and cleared his throat. "There is no reason to be envious of the living if you believe yourself to be one of them."

"So you think you might end up like the others now that you know?" she asked, a tiny spark of worry igniting within her.

"Oh, nothing so dramatic," Maechen chuckled. "I'm not nearly passionate enough about life to fall prey to malice. What really gets my crockpot cooking, if you will, is the preservation of history. It is my calling, and my duty. All else… is irrelevant," he mused. "I suppose one day, I will once again forget what I am, and thus, avoid the danger of losing myself to the desire to be human. After all, history is a living creature, and it takes quite the effort to commit it all to memory." He thought about it for a moment, and then nodded at her. "Yes, I believe that is it. An Unsent can resist the call of malice and retain their humanity so long as they have something which they believe in. A destiny greater than their own personal concerns."

Rikku's face fell. Auron had remained himself for so long because he had just such a mission: to destroy Sin and the corrupt Church of Yevon in the process. Now that his goals had been accomplished, what was to keep him from descending into a fiend? Trema had been just as strong-willed as Auron, but after Sin was defeated, he'd lost his purpose. Belgemine, as well… though at least the woman had allowed Yuna to send her before she could become the unholy terror that Trema had transformed into.

Sighing, she scrubbed her hair irritably. Maechen was the oldest Unsent she'd ever met, apart from Shuyin and Lenne. And both Shuyin and Lenne had been… well, not exactly stable. If even Maechen couldn't give her a good answer, how in the world was she supposed to help Auron?

"Oh, it seems I've disappointed you again. I do apologize. But is there anything else you wish to ask me? Something I can assist you with, perhaps?"

"Yeah," Rikku sighed. "Three's a charm, right? Do you know anything about Fayth that, um… well, that weren't made from human souls?"

Maechen scratched his head. "Was there something like that…?" After a moment, he brightened. "Oh! Yes, yes of course! It was so long ago, you see, I nearly forgot. Yes, such creatures indeed once existed."

Rikku sprung to her feet, thrumming with excitement. "So they are real! Why did the summoners resort to making aeons out of people then?"

"Oh, we didn't call them aeons," Maechen told her, shaking his head. "They were far too weak for that. Eidolons, they were named. Creatures that formed the basis for the Fayth we know of today. The research was abandoned because most of them were too difficult to control. Hardly any eidolons created were capable of offensive magic." He chuckled softly. "The penchant for violence remains a uniquely human condition."

"So what happened to them all?"

"A sad story, that. Most of them were destroyed in the great Machina war, used as shields for the populace against the relentless Bedohl army. I would be quite surprised if any survived into our modern era."

"Huh." She swayed back and forth on her feet, eager to learn more. "Let's say one of them had. What would I be looking for, exactly? The same type of Fayth stone an aeon has?"

"Oh, no no, nothing of the sort. An Eidolon stone is much smaller than a Fayth stone. About the size of a very large rock, or perhaps a gem," he explained, holding up his palms to demonstrate.

"Yes!" She danced in place for a moment, before reaching out and giving the old man a hug. "That was exactly what I needed to hear! Thanks, Maechen!"

"Yes, well!" he said, clearing his throat and extracting himself from her grasp. Setting his robes to right, he smiled at her. "It brings me joy to hear this old man was able to be of some use to you, Lady Rikku. Now, if you'd like to hear a story about—"

"Oh wow! Look at the time!" Rikku gushed, holding her cheeks as she turned her dance into a jog. "I better get going before I'm late to my, uh, meeting!"

"You have a meeting on the Farplane?" Maechen asked with confusion. "But the Farplane is eternal, my dear. There's no need to rush."

"Oh, there's very much a need," she corrected. "I've got a meeting with destiny, and I've been putting it off for five years already. I gotta run. Thanks again!" Waving, she turned and sprinted down the hallway.

"Oh… very well then! Goodbye, Lady Rikku! I hope we meet again…" she heard him call after her, but she didn't slow her pace or look back. Chatting with Maechen could easily add another month or two to her journey if she let him have his way.

She stopped before the steps leading towards the portal, taking in the sight. Once she crossed the Gate, Auron would be able to see her if he was watching for her. Slowly, she climbed up the steps, wondering if he was… and what he'd have to say to her.

He promised to wait for me, she reminded herself, before taking a deep breath and stepping through.

Cool air and rustling winds greeted her; the pyreflies swirled around her as if to welcome her home. Thankfully, there was no one else present on the platform, so she relaxed and let her hair return to its natural length and color. Then, glancing around, she spotted him. Auron was sitting on a rock, looking out over the edge at the endless fields of flowers. He half-turned when she came in, his eye widening, and he stood. His face was scarred, one eye permanently shut, and the unruly hair at his temples was still adorned with streaks of white. He hadn't reverted completely into his older appearance, though there were more lines on his face than she'd remembered seeing the last time they'd parted. They were rapidly smoothing out as she raced to meet him.

"Rikku! What are you doing here?"

He grunted as she hit him full speed, pushing him over the edge and sending them hurtling towards the flowers below. Wrapping his arms around her, he laughed and pulled her close. "You have a plan, I assume?"

"What, you don't like smashing into the ground at terminal velocity?" she joked as she summoned her suit around her body. With a blast of her jets, she took them further into the grassy fields, dusting over the tops of the flower fields in a whirlwind of petals. She set them down gently near an enormous waterfall. As her suit fell away, she snuggled into him, turning her face into his chest. "I missed you, Auron."

His arms tightened around her. "As did I. But… what are you doing here? It's much too soon."

She pouted, looking up at him. "Too soon for what? It's been five years already! Five long, Auron-less years," she said, peppering kisses over his neck and cheek between her words. "I wanted to see you again." Her voice dropped to a soft whisper and her light, eager touches turned into a more purposeful caress. "I wanted to be with you again."

"You came back too soon," he repeated, his voice turning stern as he extracted himself from her grip. He held himself stiffly in her arms; Jecht's favored nickname for him never felt more appropriate. Releasing him reluctantly, Rikku took a step back and tried to meet his eye. "Auron?"

He refused to look at her, his head turned so that she could only glimpse his scarred eyelid. Sucking in her breath, she pushed up against him, forcing him to acknowledge her invasion of his personal space. "Why don't you want this? Haven't you missed me?" She pressed herself even closer, trying to make her point physical.

Finally, he let out a sigh and turned his head just enough to look at her. "You know what sex means to me," he told her bluntly. "I cannot 'simply' seek release with you. This is not an itch to be scratched, Rikku. My body and my soul are one entity now. To give you this body once more would be to give you my very soul. And to damn myself in the process."

His rejection was like a stinging slap in her face. What followed wasn't hurt, but anger. "Excuse me? Is that all I am to you now, some kind of lust demon visiting just to tempt you off of your chosen path of self-flagellation? You think I'm gonna eat you alive?" Well, there was some truth in that last part in the most salacious sense. Still, it wasn't like accepting her feelings again would shatter his soul… would it?

Like you did to Braska.

"Stop!" Auron's arms circled her, though his face was as tight with frustration as his voice. It was as if he could hear her thoughts. Maybe he could; they hadn't needed words, by the end of their time together. "You are no demon, Rikku. Don't let my candor do yourself that disservice." He closed his eye and bent down, touching his forehead to hers. When he spoke again, his voice was pained. "You're the most beautiful woman in my entire world. My most passionate love, my most painful regret. Taking you here would mean to reforming the connection we had twenty years ago. Re-igniting those passions. Now more than ever, with my body like this, that would mean losing myself. Losing my tether to my sanity, and what little remains of my humanity." His grip loosened, and he eased away from her. "My love for you will consume me. Turn me into a twisted, jealous version of myself that will seek nothing but revenge in my envy for the living. It's too dangerous."

She shook her head, a lump rising in her throat. He really believed that? That history would repeat itself, that they were destined to fail? That there could never be a happy ending for lovers born into the wrong times?

In the past, she would have capitulated. Cried, perhaps. Seen his point of view after agonizing endlessly over it. But this time, she wasn't alone. She didn't have to rely on her own thoughts and insecurities to answer him. The world had moved on from Sin's cloying despair; people were finally learning that sacrifice could be a choice, rather than a mandate. Somehow, while lingering in the Farplane, Auron had missed the memo.

It was a common theme among everyone she'd met in this new world. That happiness wasn't something that happened to you; it was something you reached out and grabbed for yourself with both hands. "Being greedy means staying here, for me," Tidus had explained in Besaid. Paine, as happy as she'd been to see her again, also made clear that her priority was with the Guardians now. "I, too, want to be greedy," Braska told her in Zanarkand, not just in the pursuit of her love but also in search of his own return to humanity. Brother proudly declared "I am a Gullwing first!" as he stepped out from underneath Keyakku's shadow. Gippal had grasped her hand, trying to convince her to stay and take on the burden of Al Bhed leadership with him. Heck, even Jecht wanted a dog, and Jecht was self-admittedly the least in touch with his humanity of them all.

Was loving her so dangerous, really? Or was Auron just trying to distance and protect himself on the non-zero chance that things could go wrong between them again? He'd lived a lifetime of hurt; so much so that his soul hadn't been able to move on, not even after Yuna sent him back to the Farplane.

Wait. She froze, her brain working to connect the dots. If he wants me to move on from him, then why is he waiting for me?

She felt as though the world was becoming clearer as her thoughts coalesced, forming a picture that her tangled emotions in the past had never allowed her to see.

He's being selfish too! Refusing to move on and instead watching over her, waiting for her to return. Fully expecting her to declare his voluntary loyalty to her unnecessary and seal his own miserable fate.

If she considered it objectively, that was the real distortion taking place in his thinking as an Unsent. A fully human Auron would have jumped at every chance available to him to be together with her. It had been a driving obsession by the end of Braska's pilgrimage, and a contributing factor to his mental breakdown after Sin's defeat.

So… this reluctance on his part wasn't about being able to love her as an Unsent. No; he'd already started to bend and warp his humanity away with each moment he clung onto his afterlife. Even now he still tried to pave a one-way path towards his final rejection, as if no other options existed. He was hanging around just to justify ending their story with his return to oblivion.

It's up to me to make him more human by showing him just how wrong he is. She considered Auron standing there, looking more forlorn than she'd ever seen him. Still trying to chase her away rather than embrace her.

"The problem with you is that you see selfishness as a flaw," she huffed at him. "But it's not wrong to be a little selfish too sometimes, you know? I understand that now. Are you thinking of something like 'the greater good'? Because you can't look out for that if you aren't looking out for yourself, first."

He stared at her, surprised by her pushback. Reaching up, she placed her palms against both of his cheeks, forcing him to see her. To look at her as the adult she was now, rather than his memory of her as an insecure girl trying to juggle the weight of Spira's future on her own. For once in her life, she was dead certain that he was wrong.

"Being selfish and self-centered, wanting to make ourselves happy… that's what it means to be human, for better or for worse. That's what returning to humanity taught me in these last five years. And trying your way, denying that I missed you – that was what made me the unhappiest. It was obvious to everyone except me, at least until my friends staged an intervention." She released him with a confident smile. "So that's what I'm gonna do for you. Consider this an intervention."

Then she grabbed onto his shoulders and shoved. It shouldn't have worked; he was so much stronger than her. But his surprise gave her an edge, as did the foot she hooked around his ankle. He went down with a grunt, splayed amongst the flowers. Looming over his prone body, she glared at him.

"I'm tired of following your lead. I'm not gonna go with the flow anymore, Auron. Doing that only gives me regrets, and I'm so done with those." As she spoke, her fingers worked at the clasps on her vest. She shrugged it off, leaving her in her revealing mesh undershirt.

His eye widened.

"I've decided that I wanna be with you. If that's dangerous, then that's my choice to make. I think if you were really that scared, you would have moved on already. But here you are, waiting for me." As she spoke, she peeled off her skirt, then her socks and boots. He flinched as each item hit the ground beside him. "What's a girl supposed to think when you do something like that, huh? You really believe I'd settle for flowers and sweet words from somebody else when you've been hanging around here for years, giving me your life?"

Bending forward, she stripped off her mesh shirt and then straddled his thighs. His drank in the sight of her in hungrily, but his hands gripped at the earth below him, his fingers digging grooves into the soft loam rather than her skin. Biting her lip, she tamped down on her annoyance and redoubled her efforts to seduce him.

"If you really believe loving me is going to turn you into a monster, then I'll accept that." She leaned over him and planted her palms into the ground, caging his head. "You'd be my monster. And I'd just turn into a worse monster than you anyhow." Her lips brushed by his ear. He sucked in a deep breath and trembled at her low whisper. "I won't let you hurt anyone. But I'm not gonna let you run away, either. This time I'm going to find my way, just like you told me to."

"Rikku," he choked out, his face flushed.

She grabbed his chin forced him to watch her. "Don't you dare look away," she hissed. "Talking big about all the things I might do to you. Well what about what you do to me? This isn't just about me wanting you."

"We— we shouldn't—" He shuddered, nearly bucking her off, and she let out a peal of laughter.

"We totally should. But okay," she said, backing off, stifling a giggle at the tiny whine he made. "I'm not gonna force you." They both stared at one another for a long moment, breathing heavily.

"This," she said, gesturing between them. "Is about you telling me to move on. Demanding that I find a new love and life for myself with somebody else. How could you do that to me? How could you be that cruel? I still love you. I traveled to the past for you."

He grimaced in pain. "And you made me live through your childhood," he answered, his voice laced with acid. "You knew. You knew what would come, and yet you still made me suffer through every moment of hope I had with you. Watching you during Yuna's pilgrimage was misery. To see you like that, an innocent child on the cusp of adulthood with a baseless crush on an old man twice your age! You knew nothing of what you would one day reduce me to. You forced me to become your Guardian, and I could reveal nothing to you! You are the one who was cruel, Rikku."

She leaned back, unable to deny it, but blinked and pushed through the shock of his verbal assault. His words were barbed; he was aiming to hurt her. Maybe this was what he meant about being Unsent; he'd already cut himself off from all of the happiness he'd felt and dwelled on his suffering.

"Auron." She reached out and grabbed his hand. "So maybe I jumped the gun here, but… you're right about sex. It shouldn't be something we do to escape from our pain and regrets. What I want…"

She closed her eyes and thought about seeing Braska again in Zanarkand. The teasing, the innuendos, those had always been there even during his life. But beneath it, when she'd finally accepted him, was his disbelief. As if he thought he hadn't deserved anything anymore. Showing him how she'd felt had been cathartic for both of them; rather than bringing her guilt, it filled her with a sense of relief.

That's what I want with Auron. Not the angry, desperate lust we had for each other during Braksa's pilgrimage. I do want his soul.

"You're the one putting this divide between us. I just want to heal it." Opening her eyes, she looked at him. "I can get sex from anyone, Auron. But I can't find healing with anybody else except you."

A muscle in his cheek jumped. Then he turned away from her. "Then you'll have to remain broken."

Anger flickered to life and licked through her. Well, if the only emotions that could move him now were his darker ones, she wasn't above using dirty tricks to make him listen. "You know, I slept with Braska."

He froze, then turned around slowly. "What? When?"

"A few days ago."

Auron's look of fury melted into surprise. "How—"

"I brought him back temporarily," she continued before he could interrupt her, running her fingers through her ponytail and carefully releasing it. "He wasn't completely himself, but he remembered enough of his life to want me." Messy blonde locks interspersed with braids tumbled down over her shoulders. "And I remembered enough to want him back. So we did it." She stopped combing through her hair and touched her neck instead. "He was good. Really good. But he wasn't you. It was gratifying, but he couldn't fill that emptiness you left behind."

With an audible sigh, she began to explore her own body before him. Watching Auron stare, enraptured, made her skin prickle. The soft, ever-present wind of the Farplane whispered past her ears and raised goosebumps along her skin.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and his voice came out hoarser than usual when he spoke. "What do you think you're doing?"

"That voice. Vilg, it's like melted chocolate. Say something else, Auron. Please."

Between the pants of her breath, coming faster now, she heard the rustle of his clothing as he pushed himself up to his elbows. His gaze, already darkened with anger, was now growing hazy a different kind of passion. "Please!" she begged again, unashamed of her blatant plea.

He sat up fully, unable to look away, and leaned toward her. His hand wrapped around her wrist, stopping her motion, and his thumb traced over her pulse point. "Do you like touching yourself?"

Ahh, she thought, her voice catching on a sob as she swayed into his chest.

"Rikku," he groaned, and she twisted free of his grasp, carried away by the sound of his voice.

Hazily, she heard him swear. "You missed laying with me so much that you had to ask Braska for help?"

It was hard to concentrate on his words when he was so close. "You enjoy this entirely too much," he rebuked her, taking over for her.

"This," she puffed, grabbing onto his shoulders and clinging to him. "Is more than sex. What I like is you, Auron." Her breath left her in a wheeze. "What I missed is you." One hand found the back of his neck and forced him down. Her lips met his in a hard, desperate kiss that revealed much more than her quivering body did.

He froze, and she used the opportunity to make quick work of his trousers, drawing a groan out of him that she felt all the way down to her toes.

Releasing her, he shifted his hold, lifting her in a casual display of his strength. Her thoughts stuttered to a stop when he used that same power to pull her towards him and thrust into her with one solid, forceful motion.

"Auron," she wept, overtaken not only the feel of him, but also her own memories. Her fingers clawed at his back, as if she could pull him in deeper and keep him there; she shuddered and felt complete for the first time since returning to her Spira.

Part of her wondered if he felt it, too… the connection between them, beyond the purely physical cravings of lovemaking. He'd said his body was also his soul now. Was he simply moving in response to her overtures like an animal unable to deny its instincts? Or was his soul shaking as much as her body was?

Gripping her hips tightly, he held her aloft; his one eye was wide, drinking in her expression. Reading something in what he saw, he answered her unspoken question. "Yes."

Warmth flooded through her. "Then—"

"You win," he added, the faint hint of a smile easing the tension between them. It dropped as he regarded her solemnly. "I'm sorry."

She couldn't stop the warm feeling that was spreading through her at his words; she didn't want to. Leaning over, she kissed him: a sloppy, teeth-jarring thing that really wasn't sexy at all, considering their compromising position. But it was enough to get her point across – her joy, her relief, and her acceptance of him and everything he'd become in their time apart. He met it with no less eagerness, his fingers digging into her sides, huffing a laugh against her impatient, questing lips.

She reared her head back, pouting. "Hey, no laughing at me." Then her expression turned coy and she shifted against him. "… Just how sorry are you, anyway?"

He answered by arcing his back, no longer holding himself back. Her breath left her in a whoosh and she scrabbled for purchase, completely at his mercy. In a feat of dexterity she was particularly proud of, she lifted her legs higher and wrapped them around his waist.

That was what undid him. His face flushed red, unable to tear his eye away from hers. His eyebrows drew together and his mouth fell open as he panted. A helpless groan bubbled up from deep within his chest; together with the look on his face, she was enraptured. He was losing control; losing the stoic distance he'd perfected wearing. And suddenly, in that moment, he looked achingly human again; like the man who had loved her, who'd feared losing her, who'd swore he'd start a family with her. His vulnerable look pushed her over the edge.

Her high dissipated slowly; as she came back to her body, she realized Auron was still going. The look on his face was tortured, but he didn't stop moving, simply slowing enough to accommodate her descent.

"Wha—" Her words cut off into a whine as he thrust against her. "Auron," she gasped. "W-why don't you—"

He bent his head into her neck and bit at her earlobe. "No," he said lowly. "You wanted this. You asked for it. Now, you'll receive it." When he pulled back, his gaze was hungry, as if he wanted to devour her whole.

She realized, then, as he continued to move, that she wasn't alone. He, too, was holding back years of desire for her. Many more. How he must have pushed his wants and his needs away for so long, trying to force her to move on from him. She was his tether to the Farplane, despite his duty being long fulfilled. Now, as he rose above her, his faced pinched with vehement intensity, it was as if he was trying to make that bond a physical one.

Her thoughts were beginning to scatter; Auron was too good at shutting off her brain and making her feel. Still, past the physicality of the act, there was a fervor to him that could easily go dark. Fear, she realized. He was scared, frightened of succumbing to his obsession, of turning into an Unsent like Trema or Seymour. She could feel it in her bones; feel the churning anger, regret, loss, and lust powering his movements. His grip was like iron, and she curled her fingers around his palms, trying to ground him.

It was a losing battle; a fire she'd stoked in him that was rapidly growing out of control. The air grew hot and humid around them, sweat beading on both of their bodies as the Farplane reacted to their wills. Rikku felt herself being consumed by his dark compulsions. The rush was overcoming her despite her attempts to focus and see him; her pulse roared in her ears.

He came with a wordless yell, sending her into another blinding orgasm. When she came back to herself, he was flipping her over and pulling her to her knees, no longer gentle.

"I love you," he grit out.

She let out a long breath in shock. How is he already – ? Auron moved behind her, his hands sliding down her back, and she realized his body was similar to hers now – an existence made of willpower and thought. She'd teased and tested him, not realizing that the further she drove him, the more she separated him from his mortal constraints.

She couldn't concentrate; he was scattering her consciousness into mindless pleasure with each movement. Then he murmured, and everything went white as the Cure spell crashed through her from his fingertips, amplifying every sensation almost painfully.

He was still moving when she was able to feel her own body again; her legs were going numb, and his hands were struggling to find purchase on her sweat-drenched skin.

No… I have to take back control of this, she thought. She bit her lip harshly, focusing on the pain to drown him out. Focus, Rikku!

She pushed herself off of the ground and elbowed his side. It hurt; it felt like she'd rammed her arm into a brick wall. But he did react to the strike, rearing back. Taking advantage of his surprise, she reached behind herself and grabbed his head with both hands, twisting.

His face came into view; his lone eye's iris had become fully red and his mouth was open; his entire face was contorted with lust. In contrast to his former expression, it was as if his humanity was burning away this time, leaving behind something primal and hard-edged. She even thought she glimpsed an elongated fang among his exposed teeth as he snarled at her.

But it's still Auron. I won't let his fears become reality.

Pushing aside her judgement she pulled him down and sealed her mouth over his. He thrashed against her, drawing blood with those razor-sharp teeth, but calmed down when she refused to let go. She made sure to linger, laving her tongue over his lips to soothe the tiny cuts he'd left on both of them before parting.

When she looked at him again, his features had returned to the man she knew, filled with exhaustion and regret. He slid away helped her lie back against him, gently cradling her limp body against his chest.

"You…" he managed to gasp, blinking the sweat out from his reddened eye. "You're not angry?"

She let out a soft, tired laugh, collapsing against him. This was the first time during their lovemaking that he'd asked about her feelings. She read it in his face; he was feeling guilty. Guilty that he'd lost control and ended up chasing his own pleasure, regardless of her wishes. He thought he'd hurt her.

Well, that wouldn't do.

"I told you, I wanted this." She raised her hand slowly, still not quite able to move her legs from under her, and caressed his scarred cheek. "Nobody makes me do anything I don't want. Not anymore." She smiled at him. "Not even you. So wipe that hangdog expression off your face already. You didn't hurt me. I liked it."

He buried his face into her neck, shaking. "I knew this would happen. I warned you. This won't work, Rikku. We won't work." His voice was thick with shame.

She sighed, continuing to let her fingers play through the whitened streak of hair at his temple. "I don't care if you think it's better for me to be mature and find a replacement for you. Go on thinking that if you want. But don't force that on me. I choose you. I choose whatever this is. Us, together. It can't be a bad thing if we both love each other and want it, right?"

The fire-ants crawling up and down her legs told her feeling was returning to them, so she struggled against him and sat up, twisting her torso to face him fully and make him look at her. "Yes, it felt good, but being with you like this is about more than just feeling your body." Her fingers found his own and laced through them. She brought her other hand up and traced down the scar on his face again. "I want us to spend the rest of our lives together. Whether that means forever, or just for today. No more regrets, okay? So stop trying to turn our feelings into something that hurts you. I won't let you become that kind of a person."

Auron reached out, still shivering, and pulled her to him. She turned and planted a soft kiss on his cheek and he melted against her, sobbing. She held him close, letting him find a different sort of release in her arms; one that had been far too long in the making.

He finally exhausted himself, separating from her; he hadn't gotten any younger, but at least his features remained fully human. He still trembled in her grasp, as though he might shatter if she let go of him.

"Shh. It'll be fine. We'll figure this out together. But… I'll always be here for you. You won't have to wait alone anymore. And you won't have to die alone anymore, either." She caught his eye. "Leave the Farplane and come back with me. Choose to live this time. Just like you commanded me to do, you hypocrite." She smiled to soften the blow, keeping her voice gentle and soothing.

"I want to," he admitted, his arms tightening around hers. "But how long will I last before I succumb to my own desires and turn into a fiend? You brought me back this time."

"I'll bring you back every time," she declared, digging her fingers into his skin. "But not all Unsent turn into fiends, you know. You managed it during Yuna's pilgrimage. You stayed human for over a decade."

"I had a goal. Something to focus on."

Smirking, Rikku leaned back against him and silently sent Jecht her thanks. "Well, you still do. I mean, the sex was great, but I actually came here to ask for your help with something, too."

"Oh?" His confidence was returning, now that she was throwing him back into familiar waters. "Does it have to do with your family? I know Cid's been involved in a few issues." His face morphed into annoyance. "That man has always been a troublemaker."

Rikku giggled. "Runs in the family, I think."

"Yes, well, at least your type of trouble doesn't bring the Al Bhed to the brink of a civil war." He sighed. "So what do you need me to do?"

"Not get involved in Al Bhed politics," she said, reaching for her clothes and starting to dress. She paused when he noticed he wasn't joining her, instead watching her movements distractedly. Yep. That was definitely his eye on her boobs. "Hey! Spira to Auron! Are you even listening?" She made sure to wave enthusiastically, if just to ensure that he wasn't.

"Hmm? Yes. No politics. Good," he grunted, capitulating and donning his own clothes much more reluctantly. "Then what else is it?"

"I need you to help me find a puppy for Jecht!"

The pants dropped out of his hands as he stared at her in disbelief.



A/N: "Vilg" = "Fuck"

 

[Enkida]

Right, so there is no uncensored version yet because like usual, you guys get an early cut and I haven't finished the Nth proofreading of the final chapter yet. So if you're a fan of teh smutz, please wait a few days. Otherwise, carry on. XD

 

[Enkida]

*sigh* I fucking overwrote the full version with the censored version of this chapter and now the full version is gone.

rewrite time

having kids sucks sometimes you guys

edit: alright, rather than proofread this a million times, it now lives on AO3 where I can't accidentally ovewrite it anymore. 😭

 

[Enkida]

I got a good question in a review that, in answering, opens up a bit more world lore that I never explicitly put in the story. Since the readerbase here seems to enjoy the worldbuilding bits, I'll share it here too

I don't understand why Auron is still unsent if he's on the Farplane? Doesn't going to the Farplane remove unsent status? Was Auron sent by Yuna at the end of her pilgrimage in this timeline, like he was in canon, or has that changed somehow?

Click to shrink...

He was Sent by Yuna just like in the game! It's mentioned a bit at the end of MV in the now-not-canon epilogue in Eden's internal dialogue about how the Farplane works: the souls of the dead hang out for a while there before they dissolve into pyreflies (permanently); she says in essence that they are like hotel guests moving through a lobby.

Sometimes some stay for longer than others if they think they still have a purpose. Braska did that, for example, because he sensed that his purpose was incomplete (he needed to die when the real Rikku did), like a supernatural pull to close the time rift, you could say. Auron stayed because he wanted to meet the Rikku he fell in love with and instruct her to move on in the future. So like usual, he's hanging on by his own willpower and not "destiny."

But like he and Maechen tell her in this chapter (and Seymour showed by existing I guess), personal motivations - no matter how tragic or heartfelt - aren't enough to keep the dead from becoming a fiend.

So this Auron in the Farplane is a little bit like Lord Jyscal in the original game - Seymour's dad, who presumably got sent by Seymour himself but never dissolved, and even tried to escape the Farplane to warn people about his son. Jyscal just didn't have the God of Possibility helping him with the jailbreak ;-)

You're right in that Auron won't technically be an Unsent until he leaves the Farplane though. I think of it as a waypoint that keeps the souls there from succuumbing to malice. But just like Rikku can facilitate his exit, she broke the protections on Auron too, with her visit. (I wrote it pretty lewdly, but they "ruined the atmosphere" there LOL)

 

[App]

Huh, so it's a situation where he fits the description of the characteristics without meeting the definition of unsent. A neat little distinction that, for all that it doesn't change the mechanics thereof.