Marked for Death: A Rational Naruto Quest (STORY ONLY)

Chapter 473, Part 2: Things Get Worse

Hazō, Kei, Akane, and Shikamaru (whose drowsiness had lasted exactly until the word "Orochimaru") sat around the Nara war council table, each with a cup of stimulating green tea brewed according to a secret Nara recipe (clearly made with acerbic tomatoes, or some other kind of lethal chakra plant, because no ordinary herb could be so throat-ravagingly bitter). Twin oil lamps cast dancing shadows onto the ceiling which did not make the night feel any less sinister to Hazō, and freezing cold night air wafted in through windows kept open in order to be able to hear any screams from the gate guards.

"Found it." Shikamaru extracted a few sheets of paper from the Nara Contingencies Folder (vol. 7). "'In the event that Orochimaru shows undue interest in a Nara kinsman or ally'. The base material is decades old, dating from before his responsibility for the disappearances was any more than a statistical inference, but needless to say, it was urgently updated.

"I would suggest that our response should be two-pronged," Shikamaru went on. "First, we require a commitment to Kei's safety from the Hokage. If Orochimaru is told that kidnapping her would constitute a violation of direct orders, it is doubtful that he would be willing to risk the consequences for the sake of a research avenue he considers long since closed."

"Not pessimistic enough," Kei snapped. "He will simply secure plausible deniability, perhaps when I am outside the village on a mission. The Hokage will not confront Orochimaru over a mere possibility, especially since by the time such a disappearance is made known to him, I will likely already be dead."

"Granted," Shikamaru said, only a slight twitch of his fingers revealing that maybe he wasn't quite as calm as he was letting on. "However, our second prong is deterrence through force, namely Naruto and/or Tsunade. It would be a worst-case scenario should the Hokage order them to stand down because he has chosen to tolerate Orochimaru's actions.

"At the present time, the Hokage could be at the Tower, at the Sarutobi compound, or, if we are particularly unfortunate, enjoying a night out with his fiancée. Tsunade could be at the hospital or, less likely, at her home."

"She's at the hospital," Hazō interrupted. "Noburi checked."

"It is a moot point," Kei replied. "Tsunade hates me. She will certainly sacrifice me rather than risk severing her bond with her last remaining family."

"What?" Shikamaru asked. "Why? I was under the impression that you barely knew her."

Kei looked down into her cup. "At our first meeting, I grievously offended her feelings when she was in the middle of mourning Jiraiya. She not unreasonably threatened me with a violent death."

"I am given to understand that she does that with everyone," Shikamaru said. "However, I take your point. We shall save her for Plan B. Plan A, Naruto, is either in bed or busy having a social life. I could not guess where those take place. Ami, also, could be anywhere in Leaf, and I cannot remember the last time I saw her in the company of her legally-mandated minder."

"Ino should be home, right?" Hazō volunteered.

Shikamaru nodded. "I would expect so. She has had a trying few days. She will certainly support us in this issue. That brings us to—"

"Message from the Gōketsu, My Lord!"

The messenger was not out of breath. This detail struck Hazō as very important, though it took him a second to realise why. A messenger not out of breath meant the news wasn't "run as fast as you can" urgent, as, say, "Orochimaru is heading your way" would be. In other words, either he'd left shortly after them and was nearly here, or…

Hazō gingerly took the note from the messenger's hands.

The handwriting was Noburi's.

Orochimaru's pissed. Said he was going home. Wants Kei to come to his compound in the morning (like hell). Mari says she's fine. She's not. Hope she's right about you being safe with the Nara. I'm going to stay here and do the host thing and pretend you two running away is all according to plan and make sure Kagome doesn't decide to march to the Basement with his biggest explosives and Yuno doesn't do I don't even know what. Please send a message back to say you're OK.

"Looks like we've got a night's reprieve," Hazō said, passing the note to Akane. "Orochimaru's stomped off in a huff, or said he'd be stomping off in a huff, and I don't think he takes us seriously enough to lie."

"Good," Akane said. "If we can wait until tomorrow morning, we'll be able to handle things with clear heads and without having to seek help from people whom we've just got out of bed in the middle of the night. Let's pick this up first thing in the morning."

They would not pick this up first thing in the morning.

-o-​

"Lord Nara, the Hokage demands your presence at the Tower with all haste," announced the messenger with the red sash to a bleary-eyed Shikamaru. "Lady Nara is also required."

The woman glanced at Hazō, who'd dashed to Shikamaru's office as soon as he heard there'd been a message, technically interfering with Shikamaru's clan head right to confidentiality (shinobi had been accused of espionage for less). Her brief up-and-down look suggested she'd drawn conclusions from him already being in Shikamaru's compound at first light, looking miserable (how had he been supposed to sleep?) and wearing only borrowed pyjamas. Hopefully, she just thought they'd been drinking into the early hours.

"Lord Gōketsu? I didn't realise you'd be here. You are summoned as well."

"Did the Hokage say why?"

"It appears to be a matter of life and death, My Lord. It always is, in wartime."

-o-​

The Clan Council chamber was half-full by the time Hazō, Kei, and Shikamaru got there, with more clan heads steadily streaming in. Unlike the last emergency summons, Asuma himself was absent, though an enormous map of the Fire Country was sprawled open in front of the Hokage seat. Shikamaru took a seat one away from Hazō; Kei sat down between them.

The clan heads around them were focused, but not overly tense. It did not come as any surprise to anyone that Rock had unleashed some kind of large-scale retaliation in return for the Battle of Five Clans; Asuma had just assigned heavy additional patrols in western Fire precisely in anticipation of same. What then, could constitute enough of an emergency to summon a full war council straight out of bed? Hazō leaned towards the map…

Orochimaru sat down opposite Kei.

Kei froze like a rabbit in a serpent's line of sight. Beneath the table, Hazō could see her hands tighten into white-knuckled fists.

Orochimaru's gaze was completely detached as he studied her features, as if he was not interacting with another human being, but browsing a fishmonger's stall in anticipation of tonight's dinner. Somewhere behind those vertical pupils, Hazō could tell he was already thinking about how best to fillet the catch of the day.

Finally, mercifully, Orochimaru turned away to study the map.

Hazō, unable to think of anything to say that could possibly make things better, did likewise.

The map happened to be facing Hazō, and from what he could see, the western edge seemed unchanged from before. A column of crossed-out signs still marked the destroyed border outposts from the disastrous first blow that had started the war. There were no markers to indicate a recent pitched battle, or some new cataclysm like the Great Collapse. Maybe they'd been summoned based on word from the spy network? It would be just like Jiraiya to be protecting Leaf even from beyond the grave.

Wait. Something clicked in Hazō's sleep-deprived brain. Those contours weren't quite right. He'd studied Leaf's best map of Rock only recently, in preparation for the Battle of Five Clans, and at that time, the border…

Oh. Oh, no.

The map wasn't facing Hazō. It was facing the Hokage.

He nearly jumped as the door slammed shut behind him. The Hokage strode in with the very patient, even stride of a man holding himself back from explosive violence. He sat down in his seat, scanned the room to make sure everyone was present, then began to speak.

"Four hours ago," he said in a controlled voice, "The Village Hidden in the Clouds invaded the Fire Country."

Around the little bubble of silence formed by the exhausted Hazō, the paralysed Kei, and the frowning Shikamaru, the room burst into clamour.

"Those opportunistic vultures!"

"I said we should never have signed a peace treaty with those airsick highlanders!"

"Lord Kyoshō, you were the one who insisted—"

"Silence!" the Hokage's fist struck the table. "We do not have time for the shameful bickering of our last invasion response meeting."

He paused, as if daring anyone to remind him that he was the one who'd thrown a tantrum and tried to give an order that would result in Leaf's annihilation.

But the wild rage that had consumed the Hokage that time was nowhere to be seen.

No, that wasn't quite right. It was there, in the tightness of his jaw. It was in the rigidity of his spine as he loomed over the table, his shadow somehow twice as big as that of the other ninja present. It was in the fixed stare he gave them one by one, as if to say, "The time for games is over". Looking him in the eye, Hazō felt a sudden compelling certainty that Leaf's enemies had awakened a monster that would destroy them without fail.

Yes, Sarutobi Asuma was learning his own lessons from leadership in a time of crisis. This meeting would be very different in tone.

"The reports are still being processed," the Hokage said. "We'll cover them later. What we know is that Cloud troops swarmed the eastern coast without warning and struck our outposts simultaneously—with the use of skywalkers."

"Skywalkers?" Lord Akimichi asked. "They're certain?"

The Hokage nodded. "The coastal areas are less densely wooded than central Fire. Cloud took advantage of the limited tree cover to enable an aerial assault."

"We long anticipated that Cloud would be the first village after Leaf to properly integrate skywalkers into their military doctrine," Shikamaru added. "Though I can't say I feel particularly pleased to be proven right."

"Then you think we can expect more skywalker attacks?" Lord Akimichi asked.

Shikamaru nodded. "It's a matter of psychology. We of Leaf learn to climb trees as soon as we learn to walk, and tree walking is a core part of the Academy curriculum. Even then, an unfortunate few are unable to function high off the ground without vertigo, nausea, and risk of panic. More develop such symptoms at skywalker heights, and there is a limit to how much they can be overcome with training. On the other hand, the shinobi of Hidden Rock spend the majority of their lives underground. We speculate this is the reason for why we have not seen more skywalker-equipped squads from them.

"Cloud, of course, lies in the mountains, horrifying terrain where long, lethal falls are only ever a few metres away. One would expect their shinobi to be more comfortable with the psychological elements of skywalker operation than any other."

"We can't sustain a war on two fronts," the Hokage said. "We can handle Rock, because despite their superior numbers, their movements are constrained by our ability to field more S-rank combatants. Cloud, who also have superior numbers, must not be added to that equation."

Belatedly, the implication struck Hazō. With the opening of an extra front, Orochimaru's value to Leaf had just doubled. Hazō and Kei's hadn't.

"At the conclusion of this meeting, I intend to send requests for military assistance to Mist, Sand, and Isan, as well as any minor villages we decide are likely to answer our call."

The Hokage paused.

It was as if the air suddenly grew thicker, heavier. Hazō could feel a weight hanging over them, about to fall, and when it did, something would change forever.

The Hokage's words brought it crashing down.

"We have entered the Fourth Shinobi World War."

-o-​

The discussion regarding Sand was quite short. Nobody was under any illusions that the poorest village, at least a generation away from being able to call itself a great power again without scornful laughter, was going to be the trump card that saved the day. Still, the Hokage said flatly, they would contribute what they could, even if it was only speciality Wind ninjutsu that could be used against skywalkers, or they could kiss Fire Country grain goodbye forever.

There was more hope for Mist. If they could get a messenger past the Cloud-held coast, Mist could join them in a hammer-and-anvil move before Cloud had a chance to dig in with lasting fortifications. In fact, the prospect of sending Ami away for an unknown length of time was in itself a significant morale boost for some of the clan heads present.

Of course, it had the opposite effect on Kei, who had now gained one attentive Orochimaru and lost one primary pillar of emotional support. Which was why, when the Hokage finally spoke the words of doom, she was in no state to fight back.

"Lady Nara, I am dispatching you to Isan, to negotiate reinforcements with Elder Takahashi and the Isan Council in accordance with the terms of our new military alliance."

A mission outside the village, alone but for a small escort, immediately after coming to Orochimaru's attention.

Then again, surely Orochimaru wouldn't sabotage a vital mission in wartime for purely selfish purposes?

Except it was by no means beyond Orochimaru's power to disappear Kei while leaving her escort untouched. With time being of the essence, they'd forge ahead to Isan instead of turning back, and Leaf would still get its reinforcements—just without the benefit of Kei's personal influence. Or, if Orochimaru was more patient, he could just estimate her return time and catch her on the way back.

Hazō could see each of these thoughts going through Kei's head as she sat motionless next to him. He could see Shikamaru staring straight ahead, thinking desperately, looking for a way out.

At the last second, before the decision was set in stone, a flash of utter brilliance, or perhaps utter madness, found its way from beyond the depths of the Out, onto this benighted mortal plane, through Hazō's brain fog, and to his mouth, and in a single moment of suicidal courage he decided not to overrule it.

"Lord Hokage, I think we should send Orochimaru instead."

The great and the wise of Leaf turned to look at Hazō as one.

"Lord Gōketsu," the Hokage said, that simmering controlled rage somehow much less reassuring when it was pointing at Hazō himself, "are you suggesting that we should remove one of our key guarantees of survival from this country while we are under assault by two armies hell-bent on our destruction?"

"Lunacy," Orochimaru agreed. "Send the girl. My time is too precious to waste serving as a messenger."

Hazō opened his mouth to argue back. He wasn't yet sure how yet—all he could do was to try to engage his rational brain to try to follow the mad burst of inspiration back to its origin point, where it surely made some kind of sense.

Orochimaru's gaze put an end to that notion.

Tell me.

That night was over. He'd survived. But Hazō's will, bent nearly into snapping, wasn't ready to test itself against Orochimaru a second time. The idea of opening his mouth, of saying no to this creature that could and would crush him with a thought, was as out of his reach as the stars. He would recover. He would fight back. Hazō knew this to be true. But he also knew that, here and now, to even brush against Orochimaru's anger would bring him annihilation.

Hazō looked around desperately. Wasn't there anyone who could see what was going on? Wasn't there anyone who understood?

He looked to Kei's allies. Naruto gave him the usual cool look before returning to his study of the map, completely oblivious to the danger to his friend. Hazō wondered if it had ever occurred to the future-Hokage-for-certain to fear for his life outside a combat situation (or, to be fair, Akatsuki psychic torture).

Ino was looking at Kei and Shikamaru, trying to work out what was going on, but not there yet—or maybe just hoping for a cue to make sure she didn't get in the way of Shikamaru's incoming master plan.

Lady Kei was tense, unreadable.

Representative Shimura met Hazō's eyes briefly, then looked away.

Somebody, please. If it ended like this…

Hazō's eyes searched the room for someone, anyone—at this point, he'd even accept a debt to the Hagoromo—and for an instant, they stopped on the other last person he'd expect to challenge Orochimaru on Kei's behalf.

Hinata's lips had just made a perfect little "o" of realisation as she looked at the snow-white statue that was Kei.

"Actually," she said slowly, "I believe I can see what Lord Gōketsu is driving at. Adding the forces of Isan to our numbers will certainly help tilt the scales in our favour… but Lord Gōketsu is envisioning a bolder move. Isn't that right?"

Hazō nodded. He didn't know what he was allegedly driving at, and right now, he didn't care.

"Suppose," Hinata said, "that just as Cloud is growing complacent due to our lack of a counter-attack, a force of hundreds of shinobi, spearheaded by Orochimaru of the Three, suddenly sweeps up the coast from a position where Leaf has no known troops. I imagine Cloud's losses would be devastating. In a best-case scenario, we might be able to drive back this wave of the invasion altogether, leaving incoming Mist reinforcements fresh to take on Rock without delay."

The Hokage nodded along thoughtfully. "You paint an appealing picture, Lady Hyūga. I, for one, have long since had enough of foreign scum carving up Fire like a pig at market while we sit back and take occasional potshots—however effective they may be." He gave Hazō an appreciative nod.

In the corner of Hazō's peripheral vision, Aburame raised his hand.

"Lord Aburame, your thoughts?" the Hokage asked.

"Lord Hokage," Aburame said, adjusting his glasses as if in preparation, "the original problem remains. We cannot permit ourselves to send Lord Orochimaru out of the Fire Country. Why? Because our ability to field three S-rank combatants is our main advantage in this war. If Rock and Cloud ally, or even just attack simultaneously, while Lord Orochimaru is away, the Four-, Five-, and Eight-Tails, together with Grandmaster F, could overwhelm us without hesitation. They are intelligent enough to know this."

"Watch it, Shino," Naruto snapped. "I promise you, if any of them tries to lay a hand on Leaf, they'll be joining their old Kage in Naraka before you can say, 'overpowered signature technique'."

"With respect, Lord Uzumaki," Aburame replied, "even you can't be everywhere at once."

Naruto raised an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean," Aburame said peevishly. "Even if you and Tsunade can personally handle whatever is thrown at you, by the time you are done, Leaf's conventional forces could well have ceased to exist."

Naruto made to reply, but by that point, Hazō and his unlikely supporters had won enough time.

"If I may, Lord Hokage," Shikamaru spoke up in the self-possessed voice of a man who had run the calculations and would not be defied by the lesser logic of those who hadn't (Hazō knew it intimately after so much time spent around Kei and Ami).

"Lord Nara."

"I do not believe that this is a full-scale invasion analogous to Rock's in scope and intent," Shikamaru said, rising from his seat and leaning over past Kei to trace the lines that Hazō now understood to indicate territory no longer under Leaf control. That she stayed frozen even as he brushed past her spoke volumes.

"Note how they have ignored the northern border, a natural staging ground for pushing into the Fire heartlands, assuming they are able to negotiate with Hot Springs—something I believe they could manage in the current geopolitical environment. On the other hand, they have cut us off from the peninsula, which holds little military value to Leaf, at least that they know of, but is key to eastward trade."

Lord Inuzuka, unexpectedly the first to react, bared his teeth. "It's a bloody land grab! They don't care about Leaf—they just want to take our territory while our forces are busy on the western border!"

"Quite," Shikamaru agreed. "We have a surprisingly detailed personality profile for Grandmaster F—a legacy from the Fifth, who appears to have known her personally—and it does not portray her as a war hawk on the level of the Tsuchikage. If this is indeed an opportunistic act of territorial capture, then Cloud has no intent on spending forces in an assault on our most fortified stronghold deep in the heart of the Fire Country."

The Hokage nodded. "And land grabs are best dealt with quickly and with overwhelming force, before Cloud decides we look weak enough that a full invasion might be on the cards after all."

"It is a gamble," Lord Hagoromo objected in a voice somewhere between a scoff and a snarl. "Suppose the esteemed Lord Nara's on-the-spot analysis is inaccurate. Without Lord Orochimaru, we are committed to a defensive stance until this plan succeeds or fails. If, during this time, Cloud pushes and Rock continues to push, the losses we incur could be unrecoverable. Liberating the coast will not be much of an achievement if the heart of Fire comes under siege."

"In any case," Orochimaru said icily, "it is out of the question. I am always ready to do my duty defending Leaf, but I have essential experiments which would not survive a week or more of absence, and other projects which I would be forced to suspend." He looked briefly at Kei. She shivered minutely. "Send Tsunade. She is much more suited to negotiation, from a certain point of view."

"Did you leave your brain in your Basement, Oro," Tsunade snapped, "or is it still up your ass where you normally keep it? Every day I spend away from the hospital is a day people die. That's what happens when you're in a Sage-damned war. How about, instead, you stop playing with your toys for one damn second and do what your Hokage tells you?"

Orochimaru rolled his eyes. "Fine, then. The Uzumaki boy. He could do with the experience."

"S-Summoners…"

It was barely a whisper.

"I'm sorry, Lady Nara?" Hazō asked politely, but at a volume more suited to screaming, "Sealing failure!"

"Isan… reveres… summoners…"

"Of course," Hazō said, keeping his voice at the same volume because if he didn't, he wasn't sure it would come out again with Orochimaru watching. "The people of Isan revere summoners. With all due respect to Lord Uzumaki's diplomatic skills, to the Isanese he's only going to be a very charming young man, whereas Lord Orochimaru is a master summoner with obvious decades of experience."

A candle lit itself as his brain continued to stir itself from its lack of slumber. "Oh, and I should probably mention that there's an entire cult of Orochimaru worshippers which has been spreading its word among the population."

The Hokage stared at him as if he'd just asked for permission to be adopted as Mori Ryūgamine's grandson. "What."

Opposite Kei, Orochimaru visibly deflated. Hazō could feel his aura of menace waver like a giant snake turning out to be a heat mirage.

"Not more of those," he said wearily. "There is nothing more tiresome than being worshipped by amateurs who think one venomous prehensile tail or a handful of flesh golems makes them worthy of apprenticeship. Even killing them only encourages the rest to work harder. I had to move my laboratory three times."

The Hokage shook his head. "I'm going to forget I ever heard that. Now, with that option on the table, I want to hear alternatives."

-o-​

"Lord Hokage!" Hazō caught Asuma as the exhausted leader finally crossed the threshold of his office. "Would you mind if Kei and I had a word?"

"Hazō," Asuma said in low tones of resignation, "are you about to make my already-atrocious day even more difficult?"

"Yes, sir."

Asuma sighed. "Come in."

Asuma sat down behind the Hokage desk, stacked higher with paperwork than ever. He raised his hand and snapped his fingers.

"How may I be of service, sir?"

Secretary Isobe was a civilian. An elderly civilian, at that. Hazō, with chūnin-level threat perception combined with the knowledge that Asuma wasn't an idiot, would stake the Gōketsu fortune on it (especially since the Gōketsu fortune was currently in the negative). How, then, the man was already at the door with a pot of hot tea was beyond Hazō's ability to imagine.

"Ah, Isobe. Thank you. That's all I need."

Asuma accepted a cup. "Strong willowbark, Hazō, Keiko?"

Hazō shook his head. "I get a strictly rationed amount each day. Tsunade says more would be bad for the liver."

Kei took one with a mute nod of gratitude.

"So," Asuma said, "what can I do for you that's more important than urgent countermeasures to an enemy invasion?"

Hazō took a deep breath. He was acutely aware of the stakes, which might not be life and death for Leaf at large, but were with 100% certainty life and death for him and/or Kei. With her in no state to sway Asuma with her eloquence, it was down to him to get this right, and this was probably his only chance.

"Sir," he began, "we have strong reason to believe that Orochimaru intends to kidnap and dissect Kei, and possibly myself. I'd like to ask you to order him not to."

Asuma took a very large swig of willowbark tea.

"Why," he asked of no one in particular, "is it always the Gōketsu?"

"Sir!" Hazō said, temper flaring. "We are in no way the aggressors in this situation!"

"I know, Hazō," Asuma said. "The fact remains: the Gōketsu have been responsible for about two thirds of the crises that I have had to deal with in my time as Hokage, in one capacity or another."

He took a long, deep breath, looking between Hazō and the slowly-recovering Kei.

"You two are not going to like what I have to say."

"Sir?" Hazō asked, bracing himself. Kei did not seem at all surprised.

"I'm going to be honest with you," Asuma said, "and what I'm saying does not leave this room. Is that understood?"

Hazō nodded reluctantly, not like he had a choice. Kei did as well.

"My father," Asuma said, "loved Orochimaru as a son. But when he received proof that Orochimaru was kidnapping and killing fellow Leaf shinobi, he did not hesitate to declare him guilty of treason and attempt to arrest him for trial and execution. There is no greater crime against the Will of Fire than to betray a comrade, or be complicit in the betrayal of a comrade. My father understood this."

Hope soared in Hazō's breast.

"I am not my father."

Asuma wasn't simmering with rage. Not anymore. That beast was still in there somewhere, Hazō was sure, waiting for Leaf's enemies, but right now, Hazō was just facing a very powerful, very tired man.

"If I could, I'd put Orochimaru on trial this very day. I don't have any proof that he's back to his old ways, but I'm not a fool. If that man goes through the justice of the Will of Fire, I very much doubt he'll come out unburned.

"But this village needs Orochimaru to survive. The second he turns on Leaf, for any reason, we become objectively weaker than our main threats. In a worst-case scenario, he will be adopted as you were by fools who have no idea what they're getting into.

"Today, his military value doubled. If he goes missing, and Rock and Cloud find out, they will not hesitate. With Fire's bountiful farmland as the prize, an alliance of convenience between them is such an obvious move that it's almost surprising they haven't made one already.

"For all we know," he added grimly, "they have.

"Until now, I've painstakingly avoided a confrontation between the Tower and Orochimaru. The Final Gift Programme was a blessing from the Deva Path, and I'd sincerely hoped that between that and the occasional missing-nin, we could keep Orochimaru in his Basement long enough for Leaf to stop needing him. That is still my objective, because every day Orochimaru goes without clearing his name or being punished for his crimes is a day that this village drifts further from the Will of Fire."

Hazō felt cold inside.

"Sir, if you give Orochimaru tacit content, we will be killed. And then, Leaf will riot."

"Yes," Asuma agreed. "It will. A clan head. The Nara consort. A KEI co-ordinator. I will have half of Leaf at my door, demanding that I rein in Orochimaru at once."

Asuma took another gulp of willowbark tea. It didn't seem to help much.

"You are the Hokage," he said to Hazō. "What do you do next?"

What did Hazō the Hokage do next? His instinctive response was just to say, "Rein in Orochimaru", but he suspected that if it was that simple, they wouldn't be having this conversation.

"In a direct confrontation with the Hokage," Asuma said, "Orochimaru has every reason to push his luck. If he wins, he's established the precedent that nobody in Leaf, not even a clan head, is beyond his reach. It's a prize beyond imagination. If he loses, he already knows that he can live a satisfactory existence on his own—again, assuming the taste of civilisation doesn't incline him to join one of our enemies, and sell our secrets in exchange for more corpses or whatever it is Orochimaru wants from life.

"So what do you do, Hazō the Hokage? If the clans are unhappy, the worst they can do is depose you. If Orochimaru is unhappy, the worst he can do is doom Leaf to destruction at the hands of its enemies."

Silence.

"You are asking us to die," Kei whispered.

"I order shinobi to lay their lives on the line for Leaf every day, Keiko," Asuma said. "You signed yours away when you joined the Leaf military.

"But no," he went on, "that is not what I am doing here.

"This is not, and cannot be, about Orochimaru and the Tower. This is about Orochimaru and you. In this instance, you have options the Tower does not. There are two people in this village with both the raw strength and the moral code to stand in Orochimaru's way. If they do stand in Orochimaru's way, as private individuals, I strongly doubt his pride will let him run crying to the Hokage. Even if he does, making me choose him over Tsunade or Naruto is a very different thing to making me choose him over you."

Hazō didn't know what to say.

"My advice to you," Asuma said, "is to cooperate with him to the fullest extent possible. Let him examine you, or whatever it is he wants to do, in a place of your choice, with witnesses. If you want those witnesses to be officers of the Tower, I can arrange it. Maybe he'll decide that's good enough. Maybe he'll lose interest. Maybe new opportunities will arise. Deaths happen during war, and sometimes there isn't enough left of a body to recover, and Kurosawa and Mori are no exception.

"If you have any solutions of your own, I am prepared to be flexible. As long as you don't make me choose between you and Orochimaru, and as long as you don't do anything so stupid that I have to execute you myself, and as long as you talk to me before any Gōketsu-brand shenanigans, there may be room to prioritise the spirit of the law over the letter."

His voice softened. "I know this isn't fair, and it isn't what you want to hear. I dearly wish I could act to protect you, and damn the consequences. I'll even forgive, once and once only, the fact that you tried to base Leaf's military strategy on your private interests. But I am the Hokage. As my father warned me, no Hokage gets the luxury of doing what they want."

-o-​

You have received 7 + 2 = 9 XP.

-o-​

The gaming night ended without (further) incident. Mari claims Orochimaru didn't do anything to her, but her fingertips are trembling and she is spending the day in her bedroom re-reading Icha Icha novels.

-o-​

It is the afternoon of the same day. What do you do?

You may include Hazō's final recommendation regarding the Isan mission in your vote.

Voting ends on Saturday 6th of November, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
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Chapter 474: Pretty Damn Far

Mari was the last into the meeting; Kei's lips tightened at the sight of her, but she said nothing as Mari slipped into the last chair, the one between Akane and Noburi.

"Thanks for coming, everyone," Hazō said, looking around the table at his family. Mari, the brilliant schemer and political operative. Noburi, the silver-tongued charmer. Kagome, the insightful and remarkably violent teacher for whom this meeting needed to make clear that wanton destruction was not a good solution. Kei, the other person facing Orochimaru's not-so-subtle threats. Snowflake, Kei's sister who would cease to exist when Orochimaru tore her progenitor's brain apart. And, finally, Akane, the light of his life and the pillar from whom he drew strength when his own was not enough.

He needed her strength now. Badly. His own body and mind were fragile, fractured glass on the verge of total collapse.

"To start, let's make sure we're all on the same page," Hazō began.

"Hang on," Noburi said. "Where's Yuno?"

Hazō barely resisted smacking himself in the head for forgetting his sister-in-law when he summoned the others. "I'm not sure," he temporized. "I guess she hasn't gotten the message yet. Mari, would you mind finding her?"

The redhead had been leaning forward, elbows on the table, staring rigidly at the cat's-cradle tangle into which her fingers had knotted themselves. At Hazō's voice she jumped and looked up. "What? ...Yuno. Yes, sorry. I'll go find her." She slid out of her chair and vanished.

"Noburi, could you grab another chair?" Hazō said. "I didn't think to count when I called people in. There's one in my office."

Noburi gave him a speaking look that made it plain he knew Hazō was covering, but he got up and left the conference room, stepping across the hall to Hazō's office and returning with another chair that he wedged in next to his own.

"What about Haru, Atomu, and the others?" Akane asked. "Should we be inviting them too?"

"I want to keep it close," Hazō said quickly. "Big meetings move slowly."

"Won't they feel excluded?"

"I find it unlikely," Kei said. "Clans do not typically invite every ninja to a command meeting. The others are the newest and therefore most junior members. They will be unsurprised that they were left to pursue their other duties."

Snowflake nodded. "What she said. Although it wouldn't be a bad plan to bring them in on other meetings at some point. Smaller ones where the stakes aren't quite so high. It would be a good way to get a handle on their leadership abilities."

"Noted. Assuming we're all alive in a couple days, I'll make that happen."

"Speaking of things that should be made to happen," Noburi said, "you remember that Yuno's birthday is tomorrow, right?"

Hazō rubbed his face and considered once more trying to lie. "Honestly? No, I didn't. Things have been a little hectic. I already got her presents but I didn't remember it was tomorrow."

"S'all good." He laughed. "Honestly, I figured you might be a little distracted so I bought some stuff you can give her, but now I'll give it to her myself."

Best. Brother. Ever.

"In all sincerity: You are the best brother ever, you know that?"

"Glad you recognize that, Mr MEW. And don't worry, I promise not to mock you endlessly because you remembered to buy presents but not when they were for. I won't call you Mr Forgetful or—"

"Be nice, Noburi," Akane scolded. "He's badly injured and dealing with a lot."

Noburi nodded and made an apologetic gesture.

The door opened and Mari slipped through, closely followed by Satsuko and Yuno. Mari took her former position to Akane's right, Yuno sat beside her husband, and Satsuko sat on the table.

"Right. Thanks for coming everyone," Hazō began again.

"You are our Clan Lord," Yuno said, puzzled. "When you summon us, we come. At least, that is how it is in Isan. Is it different here?"

"He's just being polite, honey," her husband said quietly.

"Ah! Apologies." She nodded to Hazō. "Thank you. It's very good to be included."

Hazō bulldozed straight through the awkward moment. "Just to make sure we're all on the same page, here's what happened last night: I invited all of the summoners who participated in the Battle of Five Clans to the party. I included Orochimaru purely so he wouldn't feel snubbed, but I never expected him to actually show up. When he did, I became afraid of what he would do if he engaged with the family. In an effort to distract him, I asked him to play a board game. He refused. I suggested that he consider it an intellectual challenge. He ignored it again. I heard some of the family right around the corner"—he wasn't going to potentially hurt Kagome-sensei's feelings by saying that he was the inciting force behind the current disaster—"and so I went with the only thing I could think of that might possibly interest him: talking about the Great Seal. Over the course of the conversation he came to the realization that the Iron Nerve allows me to instantly memorize seals. His comment was 'this is something I require' and before I could say anything he hit me with a psychic attack in order to force me to give him all the details of my bloodline."

"Isn't that super double plus illegal?" Noburi asked.

"I think the usual response is 'ninja', but in this case it goes up a step to 'crazy-ass snake Sannin that everyone is terrified of." Hazō nodded down the table to where his trusty red-headed witch was tangling her fingers together in fascination. "Fortunately, Mari saved me."

Mari glanced up upon hearing her name, smiled and nodded, and then went back to examining her fingers.

"She came in just as I was starting to spill my guts and distracted Orochimaru. She told him that I had been urgently summoned by the Hokage. Orochimaru waved this off and made clear that I would not be allowed to leave until he was satisfied. As a second attempt, Mari told him that my bloodline ability wasn't actually to memorize seals, it was to memorize terrain as an enhancement to my taijutsu abilities. That made him lose interest for a few moments but then he decided that he might as well follow up anyway."

Here came the hard part. He took a deep breath and continued. "With no further option to bail me out, Mari looked for a distraction. The only one that was available was the fact that Kei's Shadow Clones are cognitively independent of her."

Kei and Snowflake glared across the table at Mari. Her shoulders hunched for an instant and then she sat up straight and smiled regretfully at her estranged daughters.

"I truly am sorry, both of you," she said. "It was the only thing about any of us that isn't common knowledge and might have been interesting to him."

"Note that she signalled me to extract you and then led the Snake Sannin on a wild goose chase while I did," Hazō said. "This is after she put herself in the line of fire trying to save me. I think you should cut her some slack."

Kei and Snowflake's lips tightened in perfect synchronization. "She threw us under the wagon, Hazō," Snowflake noted.

"I'm sorry," Mari said again. "I did my absolute best not to hurt anyone, and then I did everything I could to buy you time."

"And here we are," Kei said. "Trapped in a nightmare."

o-o-o-o​

"She should be just in here," Mari said, holding the door open for the monster.

"She was supposed to be in the last three buildings as well." The words were too calm. She would far have preferred that the monster be hotly angry. Hotly angry people lashed out clumsily. People—monsters—whose fury had gone cold were far more dangerous. Worse, the air was murky with needles and blades and skin peeled away from bone.

The monster looked around the small and very empty function room. It was a multi-purpose space, a training dummy against the wall making it suitable for close-range taijutsu practice while the tiny suspended bucket-and-bamboo-pipes water element made it excellent for meditation or writing. Fortunately, no one was using the space at the moment.

"I'm truly sorry about that. I really thought she was here. There's one more place—"

"Stop."

Mari turned to face the monster, looking straight into his corpse-white face and snakeborn vertically-slitted eyes while offering a friendly smile and her most open and helpful face. "Truly, I'm very sorry. If you'd like I can find her and bring her to you instead of you having to traipse around? It shouldn't take more than a minute or three. I know she's—"

"I dislike it when people lie to me," the monster said. He wasn't still, instead swaying slightly from side to side like the snake he was.

"Lord Orochimaru, I'm not lying. I apologize for not knowing—"


Orochimaru: Intimidation (?) + multi-tag ? + 0 (dice): ?
Mari: (?) + multi-tag "The Hidden Flame" + tag "Prepped for This" + tag "Team Mom of Uplift" + 3 (dice): ?

Mari is Taken Out. Orochimaru pulls his punch, so she only receives a Mild ("Jumping at Shadows") and Medium ("Conflict Avoidant") Consequence.


The murk in the air collapsed down on her, a collection of blades that rent and tore at her mind to create access for the slithering oozing monsters that followed in their wake. She was ready for it and a shield of flame erupted around her inner self, melting the first daggers and scorching the tentacles of the horrors.

The slit-pupiled eyes glittered and she found herself trapped, a mouse staring into the eyes of a hungry cobra. Her shielding flames flickered, receding as her mental grip on her power slipped under the pressure of those eyes. The knives tore through her barriers, peeled her skull open and flensed away the layers of her brain. Her body dissolved, the pieces separating into conveniently-sized chunks that arrayed themselves on the monster's wall for easy review. Her heart was beating in the open air, her lungs were gasping with no body into which to send the air, and her naked eyeballs, removed from the protection of bone and meat to float helplessly, watched it all happen. There was no mouth, no throat, nothing with which to make sound, and so her screams were locked away in the tattered remnants of her brain as—

The knives vanished and the world coagulated into existence around her. She was on her knees, bowed forward with her arms wrapped around her body the way she had been after each time her uncle finished their games. The taste of blood was on her lips; at first she thought she had bitten them but no, there were sanguine tears dripping from her ears, across her cheeks, to gather in fat drops on her lips before plummeting to the sanded wooden floor.

"Tell your daughter to report to my lab in the morning," the monster said, disinterested and remote. He turned and left.


o-o-o-o​

"A nightmare, yes," Mari said faintly. "I've already apologized, so may I suggest that we focus on waking up?"

Kei and Snowflake glared for one more moment but then they nodded and sat up straight, watching Hazō attentively.

Hazō couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in pleased surprise. That had gone well. No blood on the floor, not even any shouting. Maybe this situation wasn't completely beyond salvaging.

"Now, the priority is to protect Kei," Hazō said. "We can't let Orochimaru kidnap her for experimentation."

"Or you," Akane said.

"Or me, yes. Still, I refuse to lose family to this. Kei, Snowflake, Crystal, Winterlight, Scalpel, Prism, Constellation, Spiral, Moonlight, Soar, Kitten, Whisper, Prayer, Kiss, and any other sisters that I might get in the future—you are all precious to me and I'm not willing to lose you."

Kei's eyes went wide at the recitation of other-self appellations that had only been spoken a single time, at Snowflake's tumultuous first reification. "How did you remember...?"

Hazō smiled and winked at her. "I care about you, O Smartest and Also Dopiest of My Sisters. Of course I remember. Now, as Akane said, I don't want to be kidnapped either. Still, I think you're at more risk than I am. I have the protection of being an actual Clan Head instead of a consort. Kidnapping me would bring down enough of a shitstorm that even Orochimaru might not want to engage."

"Why can't we simply go to the Hokage?" Akane asked. "Surely if he tells Orochimaru to back off, Orochimaru will back off."

"That option is not available to us," Hazō said carefully. "Please do not pursue the topic further."

Silence hung in the air as heavily as any jōnin aura.

"The stinker wouldn't help us, would he? I knew this place was evil."

"Sensei, don't leap to conclusions," Hazō said. "I only said that the option wasn't open. Let's move on.

"Diverting Orochimaru's interest from myself and Kei should, I hope, be relatively straightforward. We simply tell him that the divergence is due to the fact that Kei's bloodline affects her cognition and that bloodlines are not duplicated via the Shadow Clone."

"What if he doesn't believe you?" Noburi asked.

"Then we blow him up."

"Sensei, Konan tried that at the Battle of Nagi Island. It didn't work then and she had even more tags than you do."

"This time he won't have that Pain fellow's cheating tricks," Kagome-sensei said. "Also, we don't do it to him directly. We trap his lab and collapse the whole place on him."

"Do you really want to try breaking in there?" Noburi asked in disbelief. "Do you even imagine that we could?"

"If it means saving Kei and Hazō? Sure. Besides, we've already been in there once."

"Yeah, but—"

"Let's call that Plan B," Hazō said, cutting across the debate. "Unfortunately, Leaf is in the middle of a World War right now and Orochimaru is a major fraction of our combat power." He leaned slightly on the possessive as a reminder to his teacher that they were, now and forever, loyal Leaf ninja. "I'd like to find a way of resolving this that doesn't damage Leaf's military capacity. That would be trading one problem for another since Asuma would be pissed with us."

Kagome-sensei sat back in his chair, glaring angrily around but not arguing.

"Like I said, I'm not willing to lose family to this. We'll lead off with Snowflake's idea; it's solid and will probably do the job. What's our backup plan if it doesn't?"

"I believe my value may be higher than you expect," Kei said carefully. "The summoner trade network, the ability for Noburi to refill summoner chakra at a distance in order to enable the summoned wave assault...these things are dependent on having a collection of summons in one place on the Seventh Path. Right now that coalition is in the heart of Pangolin territory. I will tell Pantsā of the risk I face and ask that he commit to disband the gathering in the event of my death or incapacitation. Although Orochimaru himself will not care about these things he should recognize the importance to others and the resulting issues he would face if he endangered them."

"Interesting point," Noburi said. "Asuma has had me moving chakra around a lot lately, mostly from back-line genin into jōnin who needed to be sent out again, or simply needed a lot of chakra so they could learn an expensive technique quickly. I can make it clear to whomever seems relevant"—he carefully did not specify 'the Hokage'—"that if any member of my family disappears then I stop doing that. No chakra transfers. No summoned wave attacks, no fast recharging, no enhanced training. Nothing. What's Orochimaru going to do, kidnap me?"

"That's a very risky play, Noburi," Hazō said carefully. "I appreciate it, but I think I might have an answer that doesn't put you in as much risk.

"I let Orochimaru dissect me."

Everyone's mouths dropped open.

"Hazō," Snowflake said carefully, "are you having another of your episodes?"

"My...episodes?"

"Yes. One of your episodes where you make insane speeches in front of all the Kage, or talk back to an insane murderer, or burn your brain out looking at a hypermagical artifact, or—"

"Hey! Every single one of those things turned out to be useful." He thought about it for a moment. "Well, maybe not the Kage thing. That mostly just caused trouble. But talking back to Itachi kept him from killing everyone and got us the Porcupine Scroll. Looking at the Pangolin Scroll taught me—" From the back of his brain blared a voice screaming about what Kagome-sensei would say if he knew that Hazō's rapid advances in sealing ability came from staring into the unbridled Out and then returning to the Paint with the patterns of chaos still embedded in his brain. "—taught me a lot about how to manage risk. And looking at the Great Seal meant that I was able to give the Leaf sealmasters what they needed to work on it."

"Hrmph. Bunch of useless arguing no-skill stinkers who don't even know the dances. They oughta..." Kagome-sensei's words trailed off into inaudibility.

"Look, I'm not crazy. We think that Orochimaru wants to kidnap me so that he can dissect me in order to learn more about my bloodline. Fine, I'd like to learn more about my bloodline too. Orochimaru can do his examination, but on our terms. First, we get Naruto and Tsunade to watch the procedure and ensure nothing goes wrong. If we can't convince at least one of them then we don't make the offer. Assuming we can, then it takes place in Leaf General, not in Orochimaru's lab. He doesn't share the information with anyone except me and he doesn't do anything that I can't recover from in a few weeks. Finally, Naruto and Tsunade commit to destroying my body if I die on the table. That way there's nothing to be gained by 'accidentally' killing me."

"In what possible universe do you imagine he would accept these terms, and why?" Kei demanded.

"For a couple reasons. First, if he meets us halfway like this then I'll actively cooperate. I'll stay conscious for the procedure and share whatever useful information I can. I'll—"

"Are you insane?!" Noburi shouted. "You're going to let him cut you open while you're awake? Dude, seriously. What the hell is wrong with your brain?"

"I appreciate the concern, Nobby. I'm not anxious to experience this either, but it's the best way." He looked around the table, studying the universal expressions of disbelief. "Look, if he kidnaps me and does all this then he learns this much." He held his hand up, thumb and finger spread as wide as they would go. "He also takes the risk that someone finds out it was him in which case everyone in Leaf goes berserk. They can't afford to establish the precedent that he can kidnap and murder Clan Heads. He'd end up having to go missing again, and he plainly doesn't want that or he wouldn't have come back. I'm not some nobody. If I disappear there's going to be a massive manhunt for me, and Orochimaru's lab is the first place people are going to check.

"On the other hand, suppose he accepts my deal? Then he eliminates all of his risk in exchange for learning only this much." He moved his thumb and forefinger an inch closer together.

"There is no possible way in which you can know how much he is giving up," Kei complained. "Your argument is completely irrational."

"Heroic," Yuno said. "But, if you will forgive me, it seems unwise."

"Honey, it's okay, you can call him stupid."

"I would never!"

"If we could come back to the point, please," Hazō said, acid in his tone. "Sure, it's a risk. This entire situation is a risk and I'm looking to defuse it."

"It won't start with knives," Mari said quietly.

Everyone turned to her in surprise.

"What?" Hazō asked.

"He thinks that you have the ability to memorize terrain, because I told him that you have the ability to memorize terrain. He wants to know what it is about you that gives you that ability, but he's going to start by investigating exactly what the limits of the ability are. He'll tell you to memorize a certain chunk of terrain by looking at so that he can quiz you on it, or have you walk across it blindfolded without having been on it before. If you were able to do that, then he would start cutting into you while asking more questions so that he could see how different procedures impacted your answers. You won't be able to answer the very first questions, so he'll know that your bloodline is actually something else and that I lied to him." A shudder went across her shoulders; she twitched it away angrily and her voice firmed. "He'll know that it's something related to seals and that will be a lot more interesting."

"...Oh," Hazō said after a moment. "Yeah."

"So Hazō isn't going to be volunteering for dissection. That's good," Noburi said. "We can't go to the Hokage, for some unnamed reason that I will not speculate on. What about the other clans? ISC are on our side, can we leverage that?"

"Perhaps the other clans?" Yuno asked. "As Hazō said before, they don't want to be kidnapped either. Surely they would band together to prevent it."

Mari shook her head. "Maybe, but I don't think it's a good idea. Right now we've got a situation that is dangerous but straightforward. All of our allies are on our side, obviously, so any other clans that we invite to the table are either neutral or hostile. If we invite everyone then some of them have conflicting agendas—they want to hurt us while protecting themselves. If we only invite some of them then we're snubbing the others and opening ourselves up to accusations that we're throwing them to the Orochimaru wolf as a way to protect ourselves."

"Erm," Hazō said. "Fair point."

Silence fell as everyone thought about it.

"Can we please just leave?!" Kagome-sensei burst out. "Honestly, what does it take to get through to you people? They're all stinkers here. They're mean to Kei, they're mean to Mari, they stab us in the back and send maggot worms to ruin our food and glare at us in the streets and bully Honoka and why can't we just leave?! The woods are fine! They're all busy killing each other, let's just take everyone and go back to those islands down south. It was nice there and there weren't any stinking ninja stinkers threatening to kidnap Hazō and kill him."

Hazō smiled sadly. "Sometimes I wish we could, Sensei, but it wouldn't work. Kei and Noburi and I are in exactly the wrong part of our careers to be able to run. We're Summoners with heads full of top secret military information and clan secrets of the Nara. Noburi is possibly the single most important ninja in Leaf right now, what with his ability to enable qualitative changes in warfare by way of chakra transfer. Leaf absolutely cannot afford to let us get away and deprive them of that, much less take a chance that we might give it to another Village. Unfortunately, we don't have the raw power to take on all comers.

"When we ran from the Swamp they sent Zabuza after us, but in a half-assed way. He went home after a while and only came out when there was more information. If we went missing, Leaf would have Inuzuka and Hyūga and Aburame scent-tracker bugs after us and they wouldn't stop until they found us and killed us. Jiraiya once said to me that we couldn't afford to run because they wouldn't stop coming after someone with his knowledge and he wouldn't be able to survive the ambushes and also protect us."

"Stupid stinker didn't know how to set a proper perimeter," Kagome-sensei groused, folding his arms angrily.

"Sure. How do we deal with rocks being dropped on us by skywalking Hyūga? Or, if we go into town to get paper, maybe the lunch stall that we stop at is poisoned?"

Kagome-sensei had no response but much muttering.

Hazō sighed. "Okay, here's what we've got: Inform Orochimaru that Kei and Snowflake have personality drift because Kei has the Frozen Skein and Snowflake doesn't. Kei asks Pantsā to hold the embassy hostage against Kei's disappearance. I do not volunteer for dissection. I also don't call a meeting of all the clan heads and try to get them engaged on this."

"So we blow them up, right? That was Plan B. You said that was Plan B and you didn't find a Plan A so now Plan B is Plan A. Right?"

"Still Plan B, Sensei. Sorry."

"Stupid stinking stupidhead apprentice with his stupid not blowing people up..."

"Anyway. That's what we've got. Orochimaru told Kei to report to his lab this morning and now it's this afternoon so he's probably not in the best mood. At this point I think our best option is—"





What does Hazō think the best option is?

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Voting ends on Wednesday, November 10, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
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It was (now) a quiet morning in the Gōketsu compound. Akane, still sitting in the snow where she'd finished her morning training, reflected on the valuable lessons she'd learned today. First, be careful what training methods you use after spending all your chakra on shadow clones. Second, younger KEI genin are mischievous little imps. Third, if you fail to specify "no ninjutsu", somebody will notice.

"Lady Gōketsu? Hello? I was told that Lady Gōketsu could be found over here?"

The courier, standing right in front of Akane, peered around in confusion.

"Good morning!" Akane said perkily. "How can I help you?"

The courier jumped, then spun around, finally noticing her.

"Lady Gōketsu! Are you... are you all right?"

"Never better," Akane confirmed with an unsuccessfully attempted nod.

The courier gave her the look of a man struggling to refrain from comment because if he said what was on his mind it could get him killed.

Finally, he produced an envelope from his bag and held it out in her direction. "I have a message for you from Lady Nara."

"Oh." Akane briefly reviewed her situation and found that it hadn't changed at all. "Would you mind reading it out loud?"

"The message is sealed," the courier said. "Would you like me to open it anyway?"

"No," Akane said quickly. "No, that's fine. In that case, would you mind helping me up?"

After a second's hesitation, the courier reached into the enormous mound of snow occupying pride of place in the middle of the Gōketsu compound. It took a while of feeling around to locate her arm (she could tell he was being extra-careful lest his hands locate some execution-worthy part of her body first), then more time for him to clear away snow until he could pull her out. Akane, quite frozen at this point, wished he'd been a bit bolder (and she could surely weather a little embarrassment), but since freeing chūnin from involuntary entombment wasn't part of his job description, she could hardly complain.

"Sealing failure, Lady Gōketsu?"

"Not today," Akane said with a reassuring smile. "Just a valuable reminder that ninja cheat."

Next time, it would be her turn to deliver a valuable lesson, Akane decided. Koyuki might be an ace with the Water Element, but she suspected the girl still had a lot to learn about trapmaking (which, as it happened, didn't come under "no ninjutsu").

Akane didn't recognise the seal on the envelope, which, in context, was enough of a clue to tell her who it was from. If she'd needed more, 雪華, "snow flower", was the poetic term for "snowflake". The sender had used a variant second character—one which evoked a sense of the fantastical rather than the merely botanical—but after reading the message, the last thing Akane felt up to was literary analysis.

Dear Akane,

I realise such a request should properly be made in person, and that you are bound to have better uses for your time already scheduled, but if you are amenable, would you be willing to go on a date with me today?

I will humbly await your response outside the Hokage Tower.

Snowflake

P.S. I would appreciate it if you kept this proposal between the two of us.


-o-​

Over the entire journey, Akane had wracked her brain over the right way to respond. In principle, it was only rational for her to follow Hazō's lead and try to be open to new discoveries about her sexuality. Certainly, she was already technically dating another girl—though, to be honest, not much had changed between her and Ino since then, including the frequency of Hazō as a conversation topic. Come to think of it, they'd barely even gone on any three-way dates. Getting schedules to line up when two of the partners were overworked clan heads, and the third was the second-in-command supposed to take over when one of them was busy, was enough of a logistical nightmare that it was almost tempting to welcome Snowflake into the polycule just for her specialist training. On the other hand, Akane had never felt any attraction to what Hazō referred to as the "Keiko base model", and, unfair though it might be, she didn't know if that was something that could change just because it belonged to a different mind.

Between Akane's dark days as a bedridden bookworm and, later, the general public's inexplicable failure to appreciate the Spirit of Youth, Hazō had been the first and only person ever to ask her out. She had no experience of letting suitors down gently, or preserving a friendship afterwards without crippling awkwardness or increased emotional distance (she cringed when she thought about how badly she'd handled their original breakup). Should she at least attempt some kind of romantic engagement with Snowflake, just to establish for a fact whether it was impossible, or would that only make things worse when it turned out it was? If not, how was she to say no in a way that didn't hurt Snowflake's shaky self-esteem and do lasting damage to their relationship?

Snowflake waited for her answer under the eaves of the Hokage Tower, her namesakes blowing past on the breeze as she raised a hand to keep her elaborately lacy blue ribbon in place. For some reason, in Akane's vision, the Tower briefly became a great tree, and the snowflakes cherry blossoms.

Faced with Snowflake's unwavering gaze, both shy and alert, Akane tried one last saving throw. "Are you sure you didn't mean an instance of two individuals spending a day together in order to facilitate greater mutual knowledge and familiarity, arranged in anticipation of a potential long-term relationship?"

"Akane, just how bad do you believe my handwriting is?" Snowflake asked with an amused smile.

"No," she went on before Akane could respond, "my purpose with regard to inviting you on a date is not greater mutual knowledge and familiarity, valuable bonuses though they may be."

"It's… not?" But what were dates for, if not getting to know each other better? It wasn't like Snowflake of all people would be after a purely physical relationship.

Or would she? It would be unyouthful for Akane to be closed-minded when a friend was clearly experimenting outside her comfort zone. Snowflake had, after all, apparently cleared the "holding hands" stage back in Isan. It wouldn't be that strange for her to want to go further with someone she trusted. But if that was the case, why Akane? And how was Akane to respond? She wished that she'd taken more lessons on dating etiquette from Mari while there was time, instead of letting herself grow complacent just because she was already in the relationship of her dreams.

"It is not," Snowflake said. "Rather, I was hoping to avail myself of your expertise as the most, shall we say, experienced person of my acquaintance, at least of those I am prepared to ask. You must surely have learned much from your time with Hazō which could be of aid to me given my profound inexperience."

Akane could feel herself turning red. "Snowflake, I—I really don't think…"

"I understand some of your activities may have been quite personal," Snowflake went on, "and perhaps I am being too forward in requesting a physical demonstration, but I honestly believe that hands-on experience would be a better teacher than verbal descriptions and diagrams, or indeed lists."

"…"

"Naturally, I will endeavour to make it as enjoyable for you as I can. I may be untrained, but I do pride myself on my creativity."

Akane's head was starting so spin.

"But…" she tried, "but aren't you only attracted to girls? A lot of what we do simply wouldn't apply to you!"

Snowflake frowned. "First, I have never made any definitive statements about my sexuality. Second, are date activities really that segregated by gender? It was my assumption that all couples (for argument's sake) would have access to the same options, barring perhaps the public baths."

"Wait," Akane said slowly. "Exactly what is it that you want to do with me?"

"Receive live training on how one conducts a romantic date," Snowflake said as if it was obvious. "The fact is, nobody in the Snowflakesphere has much knowledge of conventional dating at all. Kei's romantic success is inversely proportional to her adherence to convention. Tenten tends towards passivity. Shikamaru considers dating a pathological social construct and avoids it like the plague. Shiori is… not a viable source of guidance. Yuri and Minori until recently limited themselves to activities which could never be construed as romantic by a hostile public. The literature, too, has proved to be most unreliable."

"The literature?" Akane asked. "Do you mean Icha Icha and the like?"

"Appalling, all of it," Snowflake replied. "Hoary tropes that were geriatric before the invention of the printing press, language that is overwrought yet lacking in depth like a wedding cake made of papier-mâché, characters next to whom a paddling pool is the Abyss itself, clumsy dialogue intended to rush the reader from exposition to exposition like a heavily-concussed genin trying to follow an evacuation drill, virtually no lesbian relationships, and those that are bestowed upon us like crumbs dropped from the mainstream reader's table are cringeworthy caricatures written by overexcited straight men. Or so I hear."

"And so… you want to go on a date with me."

Snowflake nodded firmly. "I have a notebook, a map, a pocket abacus, and a set of concealed kunai. I am ready for romance."

In the face of such youthful determination, how could Akane say no?

-o-​

To be continued.
 
Chapter 475: The 'Not Kidding' Face

"Thanks for coming, Shikamaru."

"My wife is in danger, as is my brother-in-law who is the head of a clan that the Nara consider an ally. Why would I not come?" He paused. "Oh, and also Leaf might literally be destroyed as its component clans leave and return to the wilds. That deserves my attention as well."

"'Its component clans leave and return to the wilds'?" Hazō asked, surprised. "I get that the precedent 'Orochimaru can kidnap Clan Heads' is a major problem, but are people likely to care that much if it's just me, the upstart from Mist that they don't like because of all his wacky status-quo-threatening ideas? Especially now, in the middle of a World War?"

Shikamaru studied Hazō for several long seconds, then turned to his wife and cocked his head in inquiry.

"Yes, Hazō," Kei said patiently. "You or I being kidnapped and dissected would be bad. We should not let that happen."

"Cool. I'm for it. So, first question: Do we loop Ami in on this conversation?"

"Regrettably, she has already departed for Mist." An outsider would have thought that Kei's voice was calm and her face blank but, as someone who had spent two years in the wilderness with her, Hazō recognized her expression as that of a puppy left behind when the people went for a walk.

On the one hand, Kei was unhappy. On the other, Ami wasn't here to introduce her particular brand of chaos. Hazō found himself conflicted on the good/bad status of this news.

"Pity. Well, between you and Shikamaru we have roughly 20% of the Elemental Nations' brainpower in the room, so I'd say we're fine."

"Your estimate, while flattering, is exceptionally inaccurate," Shikamaru said. "Kei accounts for 18% on her own merits and I would like to believe I offer more than 2%."

Hazō snorted. "Kei, you should check his ears."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow.

"I will explain later," Kei told him. "In brief: lupchanzen."

"Ah, yes. Those imaginary bugaboos of your mad-bomber uncle."

Snowflake glowered. "There is no reason to believe that Kagome is—"

"Moving back to the topic," Hazō said. No way was he getting drawn into that discussion. "Allow me to preface this with an important disclaimer: Our situation sucks and we're at risk no matter what we do. I have a plan, I'm going to explain it, it involves risk. This does not represent a lack of concern on my part, nor—"

"I stipulated to this concern earlier," Kei reminded him.

"Right, okay. Thank you. So, here's what I'm thinking we should do..."

o-o-o-o​

"Ai tells me I need to give you little brats fifteen minutes because you promised to throw money at the hospital if I did. She also nagged me about eating something, so I guess it works. Talk fast." Tsunade dropped into her heavy wooden chair with a widely-aimed glower and started spooning up the steaming udon soup that had been left on her desk as part of a heavily laden food tray.

"Thank you, Lady Tsunade," Hazō said, bowing deeply. "I'm sure you recall telling me that the best way to deal with Orochimaru was to not be interesting. Sadly, I failed at this task."

Tsunade snorted.

"Through a series of events that I can explain if you like—"

"Nope," Tsunade said around a mouthful of noodles, not looking at Hazō.

"Right, uh...well, anyway, he's interested in my bloodline and in the fact that Kei's Shadow Clones are cognitively independent of her. And when I say 'interested', I mean 'I am confident he intends to kidnap and vivisect us.'"

"Why?" Tsunade demanded. She finished slurping up the noodles and picked up the bowl so she could glug down the broth before pushing the bowl aside and tearing into a platter of sushi and sashimi. "He's got all those Final Gift ninja, plus the Rock ninja he collected on that Scroll-hunting trip of yours."

"Lady Tsunade," Shikamaru said sharply. "I am paying a significant amount of money for fifteen minutes of your attention. I would be very grateful if you would give us your attention."

Tsunade's chopsticks paused, and then she set them down and shifted her chair around to face the three chūnin. "All right, Nara. You have my attention. Now, what scrap of evidence do you have that my former brother-in-arms is intending to kidnap these two?"

"He was in the process of successfully pressuring details of my bloodline out of me when Mari walked in," Hazō explained, struggling not to show his utter shock at the absence of a Shikamaru-shaped hole in the wall. "In an attempt to divert him she stated that I had been urgently summoned by the Hokage. He refused to let me leave."

Tsunade frowned. "He what?"

"Mari told him that the Hokage had summoned me to an immediate meeting. His response was 'The boy can wait'."

She shook her head in tired annoyance and muttered, "Oro, what the fuck?" Hazō dared to hope.

"Okay, fine, that was off the trail," she continued. "He shouldn't have done that and I'll have a couple words with him. Still, it's a long way from there to 'intends to vivisect me'."

"After he refused to let me depart, he ordered me to continue disclosing clan secrets. It was not a simple request; I could feel a psychic pressure backing it up, and it caused me to begin divulging.

"Mari"—he pretended not to notice the irritated tightening of Kei's lips in his peripheral vision—"attempted to sidetrack him by claiming that my ability was nothing more than to memorize surrounding terrain. He seemed to lose interest for a moment but then he changed his mind and began to follow up. Mari distracted again by pointing out that Kei—" He broke off, a horrific thought crashing through his mind: He had never actually seen Tsunade use the Shadow Clone.

"Ma'am," he said, "I need to ask...are you familiar with the details of the Shadow Clone jutsu?" Shit, shit, shit, when he first came in he had already spilled the beans about Kei and Snowflake being independent! Holy burning shitballs, if she didn't know then he had leaked a major secret of Leaf! Or at least a major hint to it. Ohcrapohcraphohcrap.

"Of course I'm familiar with it, you nitwit," Tsunade said impatiently. "My Uncle Tobi invented it."

"Right, sorry. Anyway...Kei? You want to take this?"

"My bloodline, the Frozen Skein, interferes with my cognition. The Mori think differently than others—in some ways better, in some ways worse."

"And because bloodlines aren't copied to your clones, the clones think like normal people," Tsunade said, nodding. "Interesting. Did you tell Oro that?"

"I did not have the opportunity. Mari offered up the fact of our differing mentation in an effort to distract Orochimaru from Hazō. She then led Orochimaru on a fool's errand around the estate 'looking for me' while actually dispatching Hazō to extract me."

Tsunade snorted. "Bet that went over well."

"He blasted her psychically."

"Wait, he did?" Hazō asked. "She didn't tell me that part."

"He did. You did not notice how jumpy she was?"

"I—" Hazō cut himself off as the Slug Princess snapped her fingers at him impatiently.

"Oy. You're running short on your fifteen minutes. What's all this got to do with me?"

Kei looked back to Hazō.

"We're going to go talk to Orochimaru," he said carefully. "We're hoping to talk him down from kidnapping and experimenting on us. It would be a huge help if you would go with us."

"You want me to babysit you."

"They are asking you to help rein in the destructive impulses of your former comrade in arms," Shikamaru said. "At the risk of stating the obvious, what do you suppose the outcome would be were he to actually kidnap a Clan Head for medical experimentation?"

"He wouldn't do that."

"With respect, Lady Tsunade, I believe it to be more probable than not. I say this based on a minimized-bias examination of the evidence available to me and I say it with the full weight of my office as Clan Head of the Nara. I also state, for the record, that if Orochimaru does this thing, or if I become convinced that he has done this thing, then the Nara Clan will depart from Leaf forever, as is our right under the Founding Charter. Before leaving, I will inform all of the other Clan Heads of the reasons for the Nara's departure. I will not advise them on what course of action to take, but I am essentially certain that the Yamanaka and the Akimichi will go with us. I am confident that at least the Aburame and Inuzuka will go as well. If you would like me to perform a full analysis of the probable actions of the other founding clans then I will need twelve hours."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "Orochimaru expresses interest in your wife and you're going to destroy Leaf."

"No, ma'am. He may express whatever interest he wishes, provided it is done in a polite and prosocial manner. What he may not do is cause her to feel threatened, either for her own safety or that of her loved ones."

Hazō could see the muscle in Tsunade's jaw jumping as her teeth ground together. He thanked his lucky stars that Shikamaru had vetoed the idea of telling Tsunade about Noburi's threat to stop providing chakra-transfer support, or Kei's threat to disrupt the Seventh Path embassy. The Nara's far deeper political credit and reputation gave Shikamaru more room to maneuver without getting crushed.

"I will note," Shikamaru continued, "that I have left contingency orders at the Nara estate. These orders will be opened four hours from now unless I have returned to the Nara estate with Kei and Hazō beside me, and all three of us have passed a battery of tests intended to demonstrate that we are mentally competent and not under duress. If any of us do not appear or do not pass the tests, those orders will be opened and the Nara clan will be gone from Leaf within the week."

Tsunade's face was absolutely blank and unimaginable tons of granite shimmered on the edge of visibility, a mountain range lowering its enormous weight closer by the moment.

"Are you threatening my birthright, boy? Are you seriously threatening, to my face, the destruction of the village founded by my grandfather?"

Shikamaru was sweating and hunching as the unseen force of Tsunade's incipient anger crushed him like an ant beneath a boot.

"I am not," he gasped. "I am ensuring that you are aware of the seriousness of the situation."

"Ma'am, please," Hazō said, struggling for breath. "Please, are we wrong? Tell me that Orochimaru would never do something like this in pursuit of research he found sufficiently interesting."

The mountain shuddered uncertainly and then faded gradually away. Tsunade said nothing, sitting motionless with lips pursed as though biting a sour fruit.

"Honestly, I want to work with him on this," Hazō said, leaning hard on the Iron Nerve to keep his tone even and prevent himself from gasping in heaving breaths of relief. "I want to know more about my bloodline and how it works. I'm happy to submit to examinations if they can be done in a safe way and if we can work out an OPSEC protocol that doesn't leak Gōketsu clan secrets everywhere. If he's willing to work with us in a reasonable way then we can all win. But, like Shikamaru said, we aren't willing to be intimidated."

"And you want me to loom in the background so that he doesn't get pissy."

"I wouldn't have said it quite like that," Hazō said with a smile. "But, yes."

She sat back in her chair, studying him with an alarming intensity while drumming her fingers on her knee. Hazō started to sweat.

"Fine," she said at last. "Come on." She stood up and pushed past them to get to the door...and then paused and turned back to Shikamaru.

"I admire your balls, kid, but you'd best be very careful about when you play that card with me, and even more so with Asuma. It's dancing right on the line of treason."

"With respect, Lady Tsunade, it is not. Leaf's founders were dubious about the experiment and were very careful to write the Charter such that founding clans have the option to depart. Were I to advise other founding clans to leave, that might be considered treason, but leading the Nara out of the village is my right. As to informing the other clans of the reason for our departure without explicitly advising them to follow...that is a legal gray area, but there is textual support for the position that it is in fact a requirement of triggering the departure clause."

"And you think you could pull that off? Just pick up stakes and leave? You honestly believe the other clans would let that happen."

"Lady Tsunade, I say this with the greatest respect for you and for the other clans of Leaf: Who do you think is going to stop us? All we would need to do is explain why we were leaving and the people attempting to bar our way would join the exodus."

"Leaf cannot be held together by force of arms, ma'am," Hazō said quietly. "Only by the Will of Fire. Jiraiya taught me that."

Tsunade harumphed. "That old skirt-chaser was giving advice on governance and political theory? We'd best keep an eye out for flying pigs." She yanked the door open and stomped out, bellowing for Kon Ai.

o-o-o-o​

It took twenty minutes for Tsunade to arrange things such that she could leave the hospital without endangering patients. Once outside she jumped for the roofs and took off on a beeline for Orochimaru's estate, the three chūnin (and one Shadow Clone whose official rank was a legal grey area) struggling to keep up.

Tsunade stopped only when they stood atop the wall surrounding Orochimaru's estate. She pulled a handful of small, paper-wrapped pellets from her pocket and hurled them up along the path that led to the front door. An instant later the paper wrappings revealed their true nature as they detonated in a rolling shockwave that sent gravel flying everywhere and broke many of the paving stones.

"I'm not fucking around with whatever bullshit he might have set up," she said to Hazō's surprised look.

They followed her up to the heavily-reinforced door of the main house and then through it after she kicked it off its hinges without breaking stride.

"Oro! Get your snakey ass out here!"

Orochimaru did not instantly materialize from thin air, so Tsunade picked up the broken door, ripped it the rest of the way apart, and hurled the top half up the corridor towards the living room. Within ten feet it passed through some unseen grille that effortlessly diced it into thumb-sized splinters.

"For fuck's sake, Oro! Don't make me tear through this shit! I'm already pissed, you don't want to test my patience!"

The owner of the house sauntered around the corner and leaned one shoulder on the wall, arms folded over his chest. He was wearing a blue robe with a white haori over it, the jacket tied casually closed with a simple loop of rope. On his face he wore an expression of insouciance that made Hazō's heart sink.

"How lovely to see you, Sunny."

She hurled the second half of the door at his head and he slapped it away with a flick of an eight-foot tongue. Forty pounds of iron-reinforced oak embedded itself in the wall, hung there limply for a moment, and then thumped to the ground.

"Hm," Orochimaru said, eyeing the fallen missile. "Not even hard enough to stick firmly? You're slipping, dear sister."

"Don't fuck with me, Oro. I'm not in the mood."

"You are never in the mood. It was the cause of much of Jiraiya's sadness."

"Piss off." She grabbed Hazō's shoulder and pulled him forward. "Say your piece, kid."

"Uh...hello, sir. Lord Orochimaru."

"Hm."

Hazō took a breath and flipped back through his Iron Nerve library. He had practiced this speech in front of the others, back in a place of safety where he could focus. All that was necessary now was for his lips and tongue to shape the words as they had then while his body maintained the same calm and relaxed appearance it had worn.

"At the party you coerced me into disclosing clan secrets to you. You psychically attacked Mari. You made myself and Kei believe that you intended to kidnap and vivisect us as part of your research. It is possible that this is not and never was your intention, but it is what you conveyed to us.

"I find myself confused. You are more than intelligent enough to realize that the consequences for such an action would be catastrophic. No clan can abide a precedent that you are allowed to force the disclosure of clan secrets, much less kidnap Clan Heads and clan consorts for your research. Leaf would devote its full resources to arresting and eliminating you as a threat. Perhaps you feel that this is impossible. Perhaps you feel that no one in Leaf is a threat to you."

"Nah, he's not that stupid," Tsunade growled, her eyes locked on those of her former brother in arms, who was ignoring her in favor of staring at Hazō.

Hazō was too rattled by the Snake Sannin's gaze to adjust the replay of his speech, so he ended up wincing internally as he overtalked Tsunade. "From my viewpoint you would need to either fight all of Leaf or go missing-nin again, neither of which seem like things you would want. I need to ask you, sir: Do you believe that you could evade all consequences for forcing me to divulge clan secrets or for kidnapping myself or Kei? Alternatively, do you believe that I have misjudged the consequences?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about," Orochimaru said with a smirk. "The way I remember it is that you brought up the topic of the Great Seal and boasted that you had memorized the entire thing in seconds. I asked how you had done so and you began to tell me before we were interrupted."

"You pressured me!" He couldn't help that the words came out as an indignant yelp. "I even started off by saying that it was a secret ability!"

One pale shoulder shrugged. "You are far from the first to attempt to impress the Snake Sannin by offering private information, or jutsu, or money, or so on. Honestly, it's quite banal. Much rarer that someone then tries to cry coercion...I suppose your goal is to get me in front of the Hokage, histrionically detail your version of what happened, and then demand that the Hokage force me to pay reparations of some kind?" He cocked his head and looked at Tsunade. "We worked that scam a few times, didn't we, sister? What was it called...?"

"The badger game, and don't be an ass."

He very visibly craned his neck to look at her posterior. "Speaking of which, have you been working your glutes enough? They aren't quite as firm as I remember them."

"Look, Ooh-boo-hoo, I'm having a shitty day. I've had two patients die on me, I've had to amputate four limbs, and this one"—she jerked a thumb at Shikamaru—"threatened to take the Nara's ball and go not-home unless I put a muzzle on your spike-nosed face."

"'Go not-home'? What might that mean?"

"It means, sir, that if I become convinced that you have harmed my wife, anyone she cares about, or any other Leaf ninja, then I will invoke the Right of Departure held by all founding clans under the Leaf Charter. The Nara will depart from Leaf forever. I will—" Shikamaru's voice, already shaking as he struggled to get the words out, failed him completely when Orochimaru's face went blank and the air became heavy with the silent screams of tortured souls.

"Cut it out, Oro." The mountain was present again, more perceptibly than it had been, but this time it was a shield around their souls and a pillar beneath their feet instead of a promise of destruction poised above their heads.

Orochimaru didn't move anything except his eyes. They drifted lazily from Shikamaru back to Tsunade and lingered there for several seconds. Finally, the murk cleared away and the world was once more home only to the sounds of nearby pounding hearts and far-off chirping birds.

No one spoke as the Snake Sannin and the Slug Princess continued their staredown.

Hazō needed to do something, say something, somehow prevent the situation from escalating, but his brain was a jangled, shrieking mess of fear. He opened his mouth and out came words.

"I need to ask you, sir: Do you believe that you could evade all consequences for forcing me to divulge clan secrets or for kidnapping myself or Kei? Alternatively, do you believe that I have misjudged the consequences?" Too late he realized that he had replayed the end of his earlier script and it had come out with all the duplicated precision of the Iron Nerve. Was there any chance that Orochimaru would miss that fact?

No, he had not missed it. The interest was clear in his eyes. Damnit.

"Those are very impertinent questions, boy."

"Answer him, Oro. Do you think you're too good for Leaf? Think carefully, because I already said I'm in a bad mood."

"As Jiraiya used to say: 'Unwad your panties, Sunny.' The question is moot, since I would never force anyone to divulge clan secrets. I am shocked, shocked, that you would believe otherwise."

That was a lot less sincere than Hazō had been hoping for.

"If I may offer a point of information," Snowflake said nervously. "While it is true that I am cognitively independent of my progenitor, that is solely because the Mori bloodline renders them incapable of agency. Since bloodlines are not copied by the Shadow Clone jutsu, my mentation is of a more baseline-human style. In short, our independence would not be useful to anyone who lacked a mind-crippling bloodline."

Orochimaru studied her carefully and then grimaced sourly. "How unfortunate."

"Oro, you were a slippery snake long before you got that scroll, so I'm not letting you slide on this one. Promise me that you will never extract clan secrets from a Leaf ninja without their full consent."

Orochimaru studied her.

"See this? What is this?" Tsunade said, pointing at her own face.

Orochimaru sighed. "It's your 'not kidding' face," he said in the same tone with which schoolchildren recited the Pledge of the Waters.

"What does it mean when I've got my not kidding face on?"

"Yes, yes. I remember, Tsunade."

"What does it mean, Oro?"

"It means that we should be serious and focus on the mission or you will make us wish we had." The words were purely rote. "You know, you never did clarify what exactly that meant...?"

The mountain returned, overlapped with the six of them and so reality-adjacent that Hazō could barely breathe around the sensation of stone in his lungs. The almost-tangible rocks trembled, the power of an earthquake restrained on a leash made of thread.

"Do you want to find out?" Tsunade asked, her voice perfectly calm.

Orochimaru thought about that for a very brief moment, then waved at the sprawling manor around them. "Not particularly. Rebuilding this place in the winter would be annoying. Hard to get work crews onsite when it's cold."

"Good. Then repeat after me: I, Orochimaru of the Sannin, promise that I will never extract clan secrets from a Leaf ninja without their consent or against their wishes."

Orochimaru sighed, long and drawn out. "Very well. I, Orochimaru of the Sannin, promise that I will never extract clan secrets from a Leaf ninja without their consent or against their wishes."

"I, Orochimaru of the Sannin, promise that I will never kidnap a Leaf ninja, nor cause a Leaf ninja harm for reasons the Hokage would disapprove of."

"Really, Tsunade? A bit underspecified, don't you—yes, yes, fine. I, Orochimaru of the Sannin, promise that I will never kidnap a Leaf ninja, nor cause a Leaf ninja harm for reasons the Hokage would disapprove of. Are we done here?"

"Yup."

"I'll send you a bill for the door. Oh, and for the driveway. Those were your path bangers I heard, yes? They tend to be hard on the slates."

"Send me a bill and I'll make you fucking eat it."

"Ah, lovely to be back to our normal pleasant banter. Good day, dear sister."

He turned and walked back into the house.





Author's Note: Senju Tobirama was Tsunade's granduncle, not her uncle. The fact that she refers to him as 'Uncle Tobi' is a familiarity left over from her childhood.

You sent a letter to Asuma in which you suggested the Summon Army as a defensive tactic. (The tactic is: If Leaf is attacked, Noburi gives chakra water to a summoner, probably Asuma, in order to let them call in all of their summons at once. This is distinct from the offensive Zoo Rush, which is where summoners go out in the field and send in waves of summons to destroy a target, returning to the Seventh Path to recharge from Noburi as needed.)

XP AWARD: 3

Brevity XP: 0

"GM had fun" XP: 1

  • +1 for scene: Orochimaru vs Tsunade. The original version of the plan had Hazō show up and give Orochimaru a 'reasons you suck' speech. That probably would have been worth +10 QM Fun XP but this version wasn't completely awful.


It is now about 4pm.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, November 17, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
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Chapter 476: The Price of Rationality

The battle was over. They had all survived, though if Hazō closed his eyes, he could still hear hungry whispers from the abyss gaping open where Orochimaru's soul should have been. Tsunade had brushed off their effusive thanks with her usual impatience and headed back to the hospital without delay. Shikamaru had run back to the Nara compound at ninja speed to start disabling contingencies. The rest of them, in no state for much of anything at all, had limped after at the best speed that Hazō could manage, meaning that it took thirty minutes to reach the estate. After another thirty minutes of investigation from various serious-eyed Nara they were pronounced unfettered and free-willed, at which point Shikamaru was able to reclaim and burn the orders that would have destroyed Leaf. With the final stress of the engagement released, they retreated to a discreet distance (which was to say outdoors where there were multiple escape routes and ninja witnesses within line of sight), and paused to catch a breath. The sun was still in the sky, and its sparkly reflections in the icicles hanging off the eaves of the surrounding buildings were exactly the kind of life-affirming Hazō needed after being crushed between the wills of two titans.

"So," Hazō said with an exhausted smile, "who wants to go back to the compound for some celebratory hot chocolate? Shikamaru can let the Keikosphere know that you two are OK, but Mari and the others must be worried sick—"

He cut himself off, but it was too late. Kei's expression shut down. Snowflake's didn't, but her eyes narrowed, and the warmth in them that had been directed at Hazō disappeared instantly.

"You are welcome to inform her of our survival in the face of her efforts," Kei said coldly. "I find no appeal in the idea of interacting with her, directly or indirectly."

Oh, yeah. That. Hazō was happy to take on wars, apocalypses, and fundamental laws of metaphysics anytime, but he had no idea where to even begin fixing what Mari—no, what Orochimaru had broken.

"She's not your enemy," he tried anyway. "You know she placed herself in serious danger by distracting Orochimaru so we could get away. I think it's obvious from looking at her that he did something, even if she's still got all her limbs."

"As is only fair," Snowflake countered, crossing her arms as if to block any attempt at connection on Mari's behalf. "Not that she was hurt, specifically, but the fact that after she sentenced us to death without our knowledge or consent, she took a fraction of the risk back onto herself, thus rendering our doom merely probable rather than certain. By rights the entirety of the risk should have been hers—she is not our Kage, nor even our clan head, and has no right to sacrifice anyone but herself—and the fact that this was not possible in practice does not mean that there being some risk to her was somehow heroic. Or do you feel we should sing songs of praise that she did not deliver us to Orochimaru with her own two hands?"

"She treated me as a tool," Kei said quietly. Her voice wasn't angry so much as weak, the way you'd expect from one who'd been stabbed in the back only the previous night and barely survived. "First a tool for her ambition, then a tool for her redemption, and now a tool for the survival of her preferred child."

The words sunk into Hazō, only a minute ago exhausted but triumphant, like venom settling into flesh. Mari had chosen Hazō over Kei. It was simple, factual, and could not be denied. Events had proved it to be the correct choice, the path on which both of them ultimately survived—as opposed to the alternative where Orochimaru might have taken Hazō there and then, and broken or killed him before any countermeasures could be enacted. Kei had already admitted that it was a rational decision.

But how would any child (or whatever Kei was to Mari), never mind one struggling to believe that she was worthy of love, feel on seeing their parent choose, unprompted, for them to die so that the family favourite might live? The decision could be rational a thousand times over, but how would it feel?

"I am aware that you are more valuable, Hazō," Kei said with the even rhythm of a Mori laying out her thoughts step by step. Once, he would have been fooled. "I have more on my shoulders now than I could once have imagined, hundreds whose paths will be darker without me, but still, when the stakes are Uplift for the entire world, I am expendable and you are not. I wish to believe that, weak as I am, I would have made the choice to sacrifice myself for you had one been offered.

"I am also aware that there is a rift between Mari and myself which further decreases my value to her. Still, until now, I had believed that there was room to mend it, that even if neither she nor I nor Snowflake could see a way out of this miserable stalemate, some brilliant third party, or some shift in circumstances that I lack the imagination to foresee, would offer a new way.

"But Hazō… I do not wish to be a tool. That path has taken me as far as it can, if it ever took me anywhere at all, and to persist would be a betrayal not only of myself but of all those who need me to be better. I cannot be Mari's playing piece, to be deployed at her convenience and maybe not sacrificed if somebody else happens to come to the rescue. Mori Keiko would have trusted in Mari's judgement and allowed it. Nara Kei does not have the luxury.

"And beyond that… I cannot live this way. I was born into a life where everything about me was conditional, where resources were invested into me to the extent that a return on investment was expected, and where when it was rational to transfer my share of parental attention to Ami, transferred it was. My clan would have sacrificed me the instant it judged it necessary. To do otherwise would have been to fail in its duty both to the village and to the welfare of its other members.

"You showed me another way, Hazō. Even Ami was unable to shift the will of the clan at large, but you gave me a life where my value was unconditional. You came back for me, you chose to risk your life against the Liberator's finest in order to save me, and though the voices in my mind whisper that Akane and Noburi were your true priorities, I know now that is not who you are. Even if one day you choose to sacrifice me for the sake of Uplift, it will be with tears in your eyes, not as a result of efficient resource distribution."

"Sacrifice us," Snowflake corrected, with less sorrow and more vibrating fury in her voice. "I wonder if I even entered Mari's calculations, or if not, just how many she was prepared to sacrifice for Hazō's sake. You, Hazō, recalled and listed our many sisters as yet unborn, at least as cognitively independent beings. It is, perhaps, unfair to weight our existence based on a possibility that might never materialise, but I would bet the Nara coffers to which I have no claim that the equation never entered Mari's mind.

"Kei had not yet been able to process the blow when we last reintegrated, so I do not have access to her conclusions, but I believe I speak for both of us when I say that it is impossible for us to see our would-be murderer as family. That, too, is something Mari sacrificed on our behalf."

"Her choice was rational," Kei said, reaching out so she could take Snowflake's hand. "Perhaps in her place, were your welfare my ultimate priority, Hazō, and another girl's non-critical but important, and sacrificing the girl sprang instantly to mind and there was no time to seek alternatives, I would have done the same. For that reason, Mori Keiko cannot declare Mari an enemy. But Nara Kei is not strong enough to reach towards the light while loving someone who sees her torturous death as but another weight upon the scale.

"I am severing ties with Mari, Hazō. Perhaps, in time, I will be able to see her as I see Mai or Reo, whose emotional weight is insufficient to impact on my activities at the Gōketsu compound. Or perhaps Mari and I, rational beings both, will come to some arrangement where I can visit without crossing paths with her unless clan business explicitly demands it. At the limits of my imagination, perhaps one day we will both be mature enough to become pleasant acquaintances, as former lovers might. Until then, however, I fear I must refuse your invitation. Snowflake, do as you will. I would prefer not to be alone, but if Tenten or Shikamaru are available, perhaps we can while away an hour or two at a café within tether range of the Gōketsu compound."

Snowflake shook her head. "I… I don't know what I want. Not yet. However, even if my intent was to plumb the very depths of forgiveness, this is not a mood in which to face her, for both our sakes. Hazō, at some point soon I would like to thank you properly for your role in this series of events, but for the moment I feel it would be better for both of us to be somewhere… emotionally safe."

"I get it," Hazō said even though he wasn't sure he did. "I'll drop by the Nara compound soon anyway to do the same with Shikamaru, so at minimum I'll see you then."

Kei and Snowflake bowed. Then, they turned around, taking each other's hands again, and walked away, leaving perfectly parallel tracks through the snow.

-o-​

Watching his family tear itself apart had done nothing good for Hazō's celebratory mood. He'd been at enough of a loss when Kei and Mari had fought over the Swamp of Death, and, like Kei, he'd had faith that somehow, at some point, things would sort themselves out. Now, Mari had, for the very best of reasons, committed the ultimate betrayal against someone whose existing anger had been the flip side of deep love. How did you come back from something like that? How could Hazō fix things when Kei had just shown him feelings too complicated to identify with, and he didn't even dare try to step into Mari's shoes? And if not him, who else?

And then there was self-care, so to speak. Twice in twenty-four hours, Hazō had been struck by the soul-deep violation that was Orochimaru's pointed will. Tsunade hadn't helped, or rather, she had—Sage's blood, she had—but getting caught in her aura hadn't left him unshaken either. He'd had all the stress of knowing Orochimaru might be after him—not for a fact, like Kei had, but it didn't take a high probability to stress you out when the possibility was of being kidnapped and vivisected. The world war, while honestly an afterthought right now, also preyed on the back of his mind, because he knew for a fact that Leaf would do better with his active involvement than without. He also knew that if Operation Clean Sweep led to catastrophe for Leaf, it would all be his fault, sending hundreds to their potential deaths so that he and his sister could live.

Right now, the Hagoromo could turn up at the gates with torches and pitchforks, waving conclusive scriptural proof that the Gōketsu were traitors to the Will of Fire, and he'd still have to delegate dealing with it. He was just in no condition.

Maybe he should head to the Seventh Path and borrow some puppies. According to both Akane and Ami, puppies made everything better, and when both extremes of common sense agreed on something…

But first, Mari. He had to deal with Mari. He'd left her in Akane and Noburi's care, and if those two between them couldn't cheer someone up, it could not be done. But Hazō was still her clan head, and he was her friend, and he'd be doing a poor job of either of those if he didn't at least check in on her and do what he could.

Mari. Oh, Mari. He had no idea what to say to her. He didn't even know how he felt himself. There was an argument for dismissing the issue and moving on—the consequences had been resolved, and the damage done—but at the same time, there was still a certain emptiness inside him, and any man who could see one loved one sacrifice another and remain unmoved just because it was rational was a man who didn't deserve either of them.

Mari had probably saved his life, so he could hardly call her decision wrong (though his inner Kei muttered that, had events gone differently at any of a dozen points, all it would have accomplished was certain death for her in addition to the potential death for him). But on the other hand, even as the beneficiary rather than the victim, he couldn't not look back and wonder what it said about a person that they could sacrifice a loved one, within seconds of having the idea, just because it was rational and right. He knew Mari well, or thought he did, and the image of a woman who'd rebelled against a lifetime of cold pragmatism to dedicate herself to nurturing a family didn't quite line up with that of a woman who'd throw some of that family to the wolves in a heartbeat if it improved the rest's odds of survival.

It did line up with the Heartbreaker.

The Heartbreaker wouldn't hesitate to throw away the queen to protect the king, nor, once the king was safe, to rescue the queen at the last second with a calculated risk.

Mari hadn't reverted to the Heartbreaker. Hazō had far, far more faith in her than that. But still, what had just happened left him cold. If Mari would sacrifice Kei for the greater good, any greater good, what would she sacrifice during the next emergency? Or during what she decided was the next emergency? Or, on a level less extreme than the juggling of loved ones, what would she sacrifice for the sake of the clan?

Could he trust her to make such sacrifices, when Gōketsu Mari, the Lady of Lies, the Queen of Cunning, the Mistress of Misdirection and the Doyenne of Deceit, who mere minutes earlier had pulled the wool over the eyes of a demigod, then came up with nothing better than to turn Kei into that same demigod's dinner?

No, it wasn't fair to think that way, with the benefit of hindsight, without an unstoppable monster looming over his shoulder. If he was going to have faith in Mari at all, then he had to have faith that the elite jōnin, who'd been running rings around master manipulators when he was still in the Academy, had made the best choice available to her under the circumstances—and if it wasn't perfect, well, she was going to have to live with the consequences more than anyone.

Gōketsu Mari had made Orochimaru want to kidnap and vivisect Kei (and yes, Snowflake) in order to save Hazō. Hazō could be as grateful or as forgiving or as distrustful as he liked—none of it would stop that from being written into the Gōketsu Clan's history forever.

-o-​

"Mari."

Hazō's stepmother/cousin/sister/Mari looked up at him from the depths of the armchair into which she'd sunk like a sky squid hiding inside a cloud. This wasn't the standard-issue Mari who'd attended the clan meeting earlier, but a model rarely seen in the wild, with no makeup and wrapped in a chakra alpaca-fur dressing gown big enough to serve as a tent if you unfolded all the layers. A mug of hot chocolate stood on the table in front of her, together with Icha Icha 4: Kissed With a Loving Seal, open at that awful scene she loved to read bits out of whenever she felt like messing with Hazō but couldn't be bothered to get up.

"Thank the ancestors you're all right," Mari said, a warm smile finding its way onto her face to replace a hollow, distant expression. "I take it everything went according to plan?"

"More or less," Hazō said. "Orochimaru promised to behave, and while I doubt that promise is worth the paper it wasn't written on, he got the core message that Tsunade would wipe the floor with him if he laid a finger on me, Kei, or anyone else. I'm tentatively optimistic.

"But forget that. I didn't get a chance to say this earlier, but Mari, I'm so glad you're safe. You have no idea how worried we were last night."

"Thank you, Hazō," Mari said.

"No, thank you. Mari, you saved me from Orochimaru's maw, and in his case that's only barely an idiom. You saved my life. More than my life, even, I suspect. Again. For the zillionth time. I can't thank you enough."

She un-sunk a little. "All in a day's work for the Gōketsu Clan matriarch. Although… I guess Kei might not be so happy, huh?"

Hazō looked at Mari again and made a snap decision that it wasn't the time.

"She's happy to be off Orochimaru's grocery list," he said, "and less happy otherwise, but I don't think that's something you should worry about right now. Orochimaru's going to be off to terrorise the Isanese by tomorrow morning, which I have to admit I don't feel as bad about as I probably should, given how they treated you. We have a little time to feel like ourselves again before we get word back from Mist, or Cloud does whatever it is Cloud is plotting to do next, or some other disaster happens out of nowhere as they always do."

Mari raised an eyebrow pointedly.

"You know what I mean, Mari. We take our rest where we can find it, so make sure you take a rest. Clan head order."

Mari smirked. "Well, I was going to complete my cunning master plan to take over the Hagoromo and pave the way for our ideological conquest of Leaf, but a clan head order's a clan head order. If you need me, I'll be right here enjoying Supreme Sealmaster Raiji's passionate encounters with his long-lost love Dr Natsune."

"Mari," Hazō asked as she picked up the book, "is there anything you want to talk about? No pressure, obviously—if you just want me to leave you alone to enjoy your dubious literature, that's fine—but given everything that's happened, if you want a friendly ear…"

Mari hesitated for just a brief second.

"'Oh, Natsune,' Rai declared in his booming manly voice, 'only the thought of your limpid mahogany eyes kept me alive in the hell that was Hidden Promontory. I would imagine your gaze travelling down my body as I reached for my'—"

"ONE LAST THING."

"—enormous, throbbing—"

"How do you feel about affectionate puppies?" Hazō nearly growled.

"Your ideas are intriguing to me and I will call Noburi in to top up your chakra."

-o-​

To be continued by the powers of @eaglejarl. Voting is closed.
 
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Chapter 477: Puppy Therapy

"Good morning, Hazō. Is there an imminent threat or would you like tea?"

Hazō smiled. "No and yes, respectively. Thank you."

Shikamaru nodded in appreciation of the efficiently-worded reply and poured the tea, offering Hazō the choice of which cup. Hazō took the one on the left and sat down in the chair that Shikamaru nodded him towards. The two teenage Clan Heads raised their mugs to one another in silent toast and sipped.

It was an unseasonably warm day, slightly above freezing, and the two young men were on a back patio at the Nara estate, sprawled on separate loungers while a well-stoked firepit kept the chill off. Hazō's cane was looped over the back of the sinfully comfortable chair he was relaxing into. He was watching the slow drip...drip......drip..drip...drip of water coming off one of the larger icicles that hung from the gutters. There had been an ice storm through last night, encasing the entire world in a rime of frozen diamond, but today the warm temperatures were stripping away the diamonds while the cloudless skies allowed the sun to turn those diamonds into glitter and glory.

"This chair is ridiculously comfortable," Hazō said. "Compliments to the maker."

"Shikapama will be pleased. She carved it to your measurements."

"Say what now?"

"You are half-clan and a frequent and valued guest. Of course we have furniture made to your measurements."

"How did you get my measurements? I don't remember any...never mind. You're the Nara, that kind of thing is your particular flavor of bullshit."

"I have no idea what you mean."

"Hang on...I see that sneaky look. Is this chair actually made to my measurements or are you just yanking my chain?"

"See for yourself. Place your arm on the armrest."

Hazō checked; yes, annoyingly, the armrest was precisely the correct length to provide optimal support.

"You Nara are so completely bullshit, you know that?"

"Are you insulting the honor of my husband's clan again, Hazō?" Kei asked, arriving from the house with a plate of scrambled eggs in one hand. "I should note that such things tend to lead to intergenerational feuds that destroy vast areas."

"Uh-huh. Nice to see you, sis."

"You as well. To what do we owe the pleasure?" She settled in the chair that had been left open for her so that the three of them were evenly distributed around the firepit, feet facing inwards.

Hazō shrugged and sipped his tea. "Nothing super important. After all the stress lately I decided I was going to take the morning off. Affairs of state can wait until after lunch. I want to relax and be calm, with people I like, for four hours, no emergencies allowed."

"I find it either bold or foolish, and most definitely troublesome, that you would express such a wish while sitting on my patio," Shikamaru said. "Are you not aware of the perversity of the universe? I grant you, your expressed wish could have been worse—you did not say 'good thing that old enemy of ours is dead', or 'it's an easy mission', or 'what's the worst that could happen'? Still, was it wise to tempt fate in such a fashion? Especially when your current location indicates that it will be my estate, not that of the Gōketsu, that will be targeted by whatever an angry universe sends?"

"Eh." Hazō waved a hand in grand dismissal. "I don't care. Everything is fine, everything is going to stay fine for at least four more hours. After that we can have another...I dunno, invasion from an enemy village, attack of extradimensional horrors, runaway gerbil swarm, or whatever. For now, breakfast and light conversation." He picked up the mostly-cooled plate of cheesy eggs from beside himself and scarfed a few mouthfuls before setting it down again.

"I find your recklessness most foolish, but your presence is nonetheless welcome," Kei said, turning her nose playfully up on the first words.

"Actually, there was one thing I wanted to say..."

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow in invitation while sipping at his tea.

"I can't tell you how much I appreciated what you did yesterday, Shikamaru. Your political acuity is the only reason we're all here right now, and you showed guts for days doing it."

Both eyebrows went up. "Thank you, Hazō, although I fail to understand why my actions are worthy of praise. They were merely—"

"Sage's ballsack!" Hazō shouted, throwing his arms in the air. "No wonder the two of you get on! For the sake of the Sage, Shikamaru, take the compliment and don't go on about how obvious it was and how anyone would do the same and blah blah blah. That's Kei's schtick and I cannot abide you copying it. Just take the compliment."

Shikamaru blinked, started to say something, stopped, and then settled on, "Thank you, Hazō. I am grateful for your words of praise."

"Thank you. See, was that so hard?"

"Although I will say that the choice was indeed readily apparent given the—"

Hazō flicked a bit of egg at Shikamaru's head; the Nara lord batted it aside with a faint convulsion of his face that on a normal person might have been a tiny smile, but for a Nara it was obviously some form of highly-condensed communication that would take paragraphs of italicized text to properly record. Right? No Nara would simply smile at being complimented and pelted with breakfast foods. They were far too stiff and reserved.

"Is there anything the Gōketsu can do to repay you? Or that I personally can do?"

"Nothing springs to mind, but I shall let you know when something occurs."

"Okay. Let me know. You've got a big Gōketsu marker for whenever you want to cash it in."

"Thank you, Hazō. It is most appreciated."

"Sure." He thought about it for a moment, then took the plunge. "Actually, there is one thing I thought I would offer. How do you feel about puppies?" He looked back and forth between them.

"Personally, I am more affiliated with the feline species," Kei said. "They are more graceful and independent. Puppies, however, are an acceptable substitute when the actual article is unavailable."

"Shikamaru?"

"They are squirmy slobber machines that have an unpleasant habit of nipping."

Hazō laughed. "I see. Bad childhood experience?"

"My third birthday. I note that I am uncertain whether I most dispreferred being bitten in the face or having my birthday cake splattered everywhere."

"Uh...okay, I'm going to move right on by that for now, since if I don't then I'll lose my train of thought. You know that I have a couple dozen summoning contracts with various puppies. It's for military communications, mostly, but I have them. I was going to ask if you guys would like to have some puppies here, now? For company and cuddles, no military stuff. Anyway, given Shikamaru's reaction I suppose I shouldn't offer."

Shikamaru's face spasmed in revulsion. "I—"

"Husband, I believe you were the one encouraging me to engage in uncomfortable activities in order to, quote, expand my comfort zone, unquote. Were you not?"

Shikamaru glared daggers, then sighed and muttered about the troublesome nature of marriage. "Very well, Hazō. Do your worst."

That wasn't quite the ringing endorsement of his idea that Hazō had been looking for, but it was better than nothing. He pricked his thumb and slapped it on the frozen ground.

"Summoning Technique: Cantred, Cannula, Canmono, Cantsuru, Canshō!"

Five blasts of colored smoke marched around the patio, each resolving itself into a dog.

Actually, 'dog' wasn't really the right word. Nor was 'young dog'. 'Puppy', while chronologically appropriate, didn't properly convey the reality. No, what Hazō had summoned were five instantiations of the Platonic ideal of adorableness. Five fuzzy, big-eyed, floppy-eared, bundles of love balanced in ungainly fashion atop oversized paws.

Also, five carefully-selected fuzzy, big-eyed, floppy-eared, bundles of love balanced in ungainly fashion atop oversized paws. Most of Hazō's puppies were excitable and energetic, altogether unsuitable for providing the form of lurrrrvvvv that a Nara needed.

Cantred and Cannula, a brother/sister pair of low-slung basset hounds, lolloped over to Kei and pressed their heads against her knees while looking up with soulful eyes.

"Hello, Miss Summoner Sister Ma'am! We're very happy to meet you and may we please come up?"

Kei was, as the moment required, a brutal assassin, a scathingly rapier wit, and a plan-optimizing machine. What she was not, however, was immune to those eyes. She was unable to keep a smile off her face and instead simply nodded. The two pups galumphed up onto the lounger and had a brief and relatively cordial pushing and shoving match to see who got to claim the best bit of lap. The question settled, they floomped on their backs, paws waving in the air as they wiggled slightly in a silent and highly effective plea for belly rubs. Kei was happy to oblige, her crushing haptophobia apparently inapplicable against the power of adorable tummies.

Shikamaru had no time to take all that in since he was receiving his own dose of weaponized cuteness, delivered at the deadly paws of Canmono, a three-month-old Saint Bernard, and Cantsuru, a young sheepdog that looked like a pile of blond and grey hair with soft eyes and an importuning look.

"You must be Lord Nara! Hello!" Canmono said, his voice surprisingly deep and Nara-unobjectionable for a canine of his tender years.

"Our Summoner says that you're one of his favorite people and that he owes you his life and that we should be real quiet and calm and polite around you! Can we please come up for pets?"

Shikamaru shot Kei a scathing look that promised violent retribution at some unknown date in the future. She merely smiled back, both hands still engaged in belly rubs.

With a sigh, Shikamaru turned back to the two dogs. "Do you intend to bite, slobber, defecate, urinate, or destroy my food or beverage?"

"Nuh-uh!" / "We would never!"

"Very well. You may come up."

"Yayyy!" The two climbed, with carefully-restrained sedateness, onto Shikamaru's lounger and floomped on either side of him, squeezing tight as the chair wasn't that wide. They dropped their chins on his chest and gazed into his eyes with no specific demands but infinite longing.

"Kai," Shikamaru muttered, making the handseal for breaking out of a genjutsu. When reality failed to reassert itself he gave in and began to stroke his fuzzy visitors.

Hazō watched all this in amusement as Canshō, a young beagle, pushed her way onto his chest and bumped her head under his chin in a demand for petting.

Quiet descended on the Nara patio. Quiet, and a sense of peace and comfort that brushed aside the very concept of stress. Within ten minutes Shikamaru was asleep with a smile on his face and his hands loosely draped over his visitors.












Author's Notes: You spent a couple hours with the puppies at the Nara estate, then visited Hinata. The two of you had a relaxed and enjoyable light lunch / high tea that included small sandwiches with the crusts cut off. You kept the conversation light, asking after the tea, her teammates, the architecture, and other simple topics. She thanked you for the offer of puppy therapy but turned it down without explanation. You did not push.

XP AWARD: 10

Brevity XP: 2

"GM had fun" XP: 2


It is now about 5pm.

Vote time! What to do now? Voting closes tomorrow at 5pm New York time.
 
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Chapter 478: Lore Update

"Hello, hello, boy. Sit, sit, sit! I've got a casserole coming out of the oven and it's a brand new recipe."

"Run, boy! Run for your life!"

Shima thwapped Fukasaku over the head with her wooden spoon on her way back to the kitchen, leaving Noburi standing bemused in the doorway.

Fukasaku rubbed his head and glared balefully after his wife of multiple centuries. "Grouchy old bat, I oughta—"

"What's that, dear?" Shima called from the kitchen. "Something I need to hear?"

"Nope! Come on, boy. Come sit." The ancient Toad Sage, currently lounging at the dining table, kicked another chair out from underneath it and waved Noburi over. The young Toad Summoner followed directions and sat. He couldn't help looking into the kitchen to where Shima was busily pulling the casserole out of the oven. She was using a kitchen cloth to shield her hands from the heat, which Noburi thought had to be performative. Fukasaku routinely lit his pipe with a head-engulfing fireball and Noburi had trouble believing that Fukasaku's wife wasn't at least as tough. On the other hand, it was a bit hard to remember that because the purple-haired, lipsticked toad was wearing an apron with frills and the words 'Kiss the Cook, Get a Princess!' on the front. The lettering was faded from many washes and the lower hem was badly frayed.

"It was a gift from Jiraiya," Fukasaku said quietly, seeing the direction of Noburi's gaze. "The apron."

Noburi swallowed as simultaneous stabs of nervousness and grief hit. "He was your Summoner for a long time, wasn't he?"

"Forty years? Something like."

The Toad Sages' apartment was built long and straight, the front area containing a couch and chairs intended for toads, the middle being a dining area with the kitchen T-ing off to the left, and shoji screens hiding what was presumably the sleeping area in the back. The windows were high and wide and the place was filled with good smells, natural light, and the solidity of a home lived in for human generations. One could almost feel the memories soaked into the walls.

"I miss him a lot," Noburi said. "I'm sure nothing like as fiercely as you do, but I do." He pulled out a storage seal and unsealed a bottle of hot sake and three cups. He filled the cups and offered the choice to Fukasaku.

"He was a good boy," Fukasaku said calmly, sliding one of the cups over to his placemat and then engulfing himself in fire in order to light his pipe. He drew on the pipe a couple times to ensure it was well lit, then took it out of his mouth to stare blankly at it. "And yes, I do."

"So do I."

Noburi jumped in shock at Shima's quiet words. Somehow she had emerged from the kitchen and was standing at his elbow with the casserole dish in one bare hand, a trivet in the other, and a sad expression.

"He liked my cooking," she said, the sadness being replaced with a glare at her husband.

"I like your cooking just fine! I just don't see why you have to go changing it around all the time."

"I like to experiment, you dried mudpuddle! Not all of us are stuck in the past!"

"Listen, you old biddy! Don't you be disrespecting me like that! I'm very much here in the present—hah! I'm ahead of the present! I'm leaping into the future with my research, no matter what you say!"

"Hah! As if! No one understands your ramblings and no one wants to! Do you, boy?"

"Sir, ma'am, I asked you before to please leave me out of your marital spats. Also, that casserole smells amazing."

"Hah! See, he likes it!"

"He hasn't tasted it yet! Don't be counting your chakra before it's molded!"

"He'll love it!" She set the trivet down, placed the casserole on it, and pulled a steel spatula out of her apron string. She twirled it like a kenjutsuka performing an advanced kata, slashed the casserole into generous portions with a few rapid strokes, and flipped one of them onto Noburi's plate without splattering a morsel of sauce.

The two ancient toads stared furiously at Noburi as he nervously sliced off a segment with his spoon and tasted it.

"Is it awful? Did she use rotted flies again?"

"They weren't rotted, they were fermented! It was one time, and it was three hundred years ago! Let it go, you old fart!"

"I'll let it go right after you let go of the driver ant thing!"

"This is excellent," Noburi said, inserting himself before things could escalate further. "Thank you." He raised his sake cup in salute to the chef, then knocked it back. Both toads returned the toast.

"Thank you, boy," Shima simpered, immediately before rampaging into Smuggington to claim the mayorship from Smuggley Smuggington. Fukasaku glowered and grumbled but spooned up his casserole quickly enough.

Noburi raced through his casserole—which honestly was delicious—and then leaned back, replete. After a moment he chuckled. "It's funny, the differences and similarities between the Human Path and the Seventh Path."

"Oh?" Shima asked, still nibbling her way through her portion of the casserole.

"Yeah...casseroles aren't really a thing I was expecting to see here. I was prepared to eat really weird stuff in the name of politeness, but my mom made casseroles twice a month or so, and this is as good as her best. Thank you, Shima. Health!"

The two toads returned the toast again. Being frail and two feet tall, they didn't have much of a capacity and were already developing a glow.

"Another thing that I knew but still feels weird," Noburi mused. "You guys are all...well, 'ninja' is the wrong term, but you use chakra like us." He produced another bottle of warm sake from a second storage seal and poured another round.

"Hah!" Fukasaku said, thrusting a long finger at Noburi's face. "We were here first, so you use chakra like us, boy! And not as well, either." His pipe had gone out so he packed and lit another one.

"Fair," Noburi said, nodding and raising his cup in apology. He knocked it back and the two Sages followed. "Although...Jiraiya once mentioned something about the chakra on the Human Path being different from the chakra on the Seventh Path?"



Rapport is the stat used for making a good impression on others and extracting information from them in a casual way. It can be defended with either Rapport or Presence. Presence would be used when trying to overawe the other person or shut them down based on seniority/power/etc. Empathy would be used when trying to keep the conversation light. Unfortunately for the Toad Sages, that's where their heads are at right now. Everyone is mellow and relaxed with a few drinks in them and plenty of good spirits and positive feelings. I say 'Unfortunately' because Empathy isn't their strong suit. They would normally lean more on Presence.

Weirdness of the social combat rules: An Invocation is specific to one roll, whereas sometimes it should be persistent throughout the conversation. Noburi has the Aspect "Planned this with Mari" and is fishing for specific information that he thinks might be useful for the family's survival going forward, which would allow him to invoke the "Team Uplift" Aspect on his character sheet. A character Aspect can only be used once per scene and invoking "Planned this with Mari" over and over feels like the wrong way to do it. Instead, I'm going to charge him 2 FP and give him a CM of 5 (instead of his full 6 for two Invocations) on his first roll and 3 on all following rolls. This has been factored into his effective Rapport throughout, meaning it's shown as 29 on the first roll and was treated as 27 thereafter.

Noburi: Rapport (29) + 6 (dice) = 35. That's solidly in the 'Good' range.
Fukasaku: Empathy (?) -6 (dice): ? Oooh, feelin' chatty, are we?
Shima: Empathy (?) -3 (dice): ?

I've gamed the rest of the combat out. The Toad Sages win but after that first round and the general tenor of the combat I'm saying that they are at least willing to share the basics of Sage Mode.


"Different?" Fukasaku said, snorting and puffing importantly on his pipe. "Of course it's different! Nature chakra is way better than your weak-ass human stuff. Sure, it'll kill a human dead if you get so much as a drop in you, but it's great stuff."

"Really? Just a drop?"

"Well, okay, I suppose you lot can handle a little bit. Jiraiya-boy sure used plenty when he went into that Mara nest with me."

"Pa," Shima said. "Shut your fool yap. The boy isn't ready for this."

"Don't you tell me to shut my yap, you old biddy! Obviously he's not ready! Look at that!" He reached over and poked Noburi in the arm, then in the ribs. Noburi eeped and jerked away. "Barely any muscles on him! I made sure that Jiraiya-boy had chakra for days and was built like a brick before I taught him the first little thing, but I still had to whack him most days! If I tried to teach this one he'd be a statue before you could croak out half a snarky word!"

"Pa!"

"Oh, fine, fine, whatever. What's for dessert? You made a dessert, didn't you?"

"Look, you old dingus! I'm not your kitchen slave! I don't have to make you dessert every meal. Why can't you make the dessert occasionally?"

"We agreed that cooking was your job when we first got married! I defend the house, you cook the meals!"

"I never agreed to that! We're supposed to be splitting the chores! And if you think you can defend this house better than I can, you'd best think again!"

Noburi leaned back and listened to the two of them bicker like the extremely old married couple they were. He allowed a small smile to rest on his lips; there was a secret to be had here, and he had gotten part of it. Best of all, he had undoubtedly gotten more than Mr Socially-Clueless-Hurdy-Hurr Hazō would get.

o-o-o-o​

"Ma'am," Hazō said, "I was thinking about the nature of chakra on this Path and how it differs from chakra on my own. Pantsā once told my sister that the people who live here absorb 'nature chakra' as they age."

"Truth is. Asking are you why?"

"I think the Human Path chakra is different. That makes me nervous when I start thinking about the Great Seal, since if the chakra is different then it might interact strangely with sealing. Is there anything you can tell me about nature chakra? Is there a way for me to sense it, or interact with it in some way?"

Not shown, if they were even rolled.


"Not a question that come up has, I fear. Few Summoners interest have and no cause have I had to the question study. Problem will this be?"

Drat. "Probably not, no. The Seal has enough general similarities to seals I'm familiar with that it likely works on similar principles. The sealmasters of Leaf have made a little bit of progress deciphering it, so I think we're on a good general track. I just wanted to be sure."

"Excellent news is this. When repairs you can make?"

"I'm afraid we're a long way off from that. Months, if we can do it at all. Still, the mere fact that we can make any progress is more than I was hoping for."

o-o-o-o​

"Summoner."

"Cannai. How goes it?"

"It goes well. And for you?"

"Better." He looked down at his legs. "I'm working on my physical therapy. I lost a lot of muscle lying around in hospital for so long, but I'm starting to put it back on. I expect I'll be back to full in a few weeks. Is there anything I can help with that doesn't require a lot of running or fighting?"

Cannai shook his massive head. "You have done much already. The sleds are working well and have rendered it far easier to move pups over long distances." His tongue lolled out. "Indeed, most of them seem to enjoy it enough that they are constantly begging for rides. I have had several complaints from tired parents."

"Oh. Um..."

"Have no fear, Summoner. The occasional grumble is to be expected. Overall, people are delighted, and even the grumblers are grateful on balance. I have suggested to them that it could be an efficient parenting tool. Older siblings growing into their strength can be tricked into pulling their youngers."

"'Tricked'?"

"Did I say tricked? You must have misheard me. I feel certain that I said 'graciously permitted'." He cocked his head to the side in consideration, then nodded firmly. "Yes. That does sounds more like me, don't you think?"

"Absolutely." The Iron Nerve allowed him to keep a completely straight face.

"Excellent. Come, enjoy the grass with me." He lowered himself to the prairie and wriggled around on his back a bit to get comfortable before turning to his side. Hazō sat down, propped himself up against the Alpha Dog's back, and allowed the tension to drain away. The sun was bright and warm, the grass was soft, and this might be literally the safest place he could possibly be. It was fine to let his eyes drift shut and his muscles go loose.

"I've been thinking about your poem," he said, the words a bit tumbly due to their speaker being a third asleep.

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It claimed that the Sage went 'beyond the trees' to rest, and that 'truth or death' could lead to him. A few months ago I passed through a portal to what I think was the afterlife—what we humans call the Naraka Path. I came out on the beach of a massive ocean, but there were a lot of trees there. Stretched as far as the eye could see."

"Fascinating. What do you conclude from this?"

"Maybe people go to the Naraka Path and turn into trees after they die?"

"I suppose it is a possibility," Cannai said. "Stranger things have happened. Still, I'm afraid I have little insight to offer on the topic. I know that thoughts of death and the afterlife are a major topic of speculation among humans, but we Dogs think little on them. This life is sufficient for us."

"Really?" Hazō demanded, opening his eyes and twisting around to look at his pillow in shock. "Seriously? You don't care about what happens after you die?"

"Mmmm, I suppose it's an overstatement. Still, what is a person save the memories of them? Dogs, wind, sound, lightning...all of these things have a speed. Perhaps even light itself does. If that is the case then there is no 'present' for us to experience, only the memories of it."

"...You lost me there."

"Sound takes time to travel, as knows anyone who has seen lightning and waited for thunder. Therefore, you do not hear me when I speak, you hear me a moment later when the sound reaches your ears. Lightning has a speed—if you pay attention you can see the flash travel from the clouds to the ground. If lightning has a speed then perhaps so does light itself, in which case you don't see me when I laugh, you see me a moment later when the light reaches your eye. I exist in your past, if only by the fraction of a moment. Existing in your past means that I am to you a collection of memories, as are you to me.

"When you die, you will continue to be that same bundle of memories. I will recall sitting here with you, in exactly the way I experience it now. How then are you truly dead? What is the difference between you no longer existing and you simply not returning from the Human Path? True, I am no longer making memories of you, but the ones I have are no less you."

"Huh. That's actually...sorta close to some ideas I had a while back." A while back when he had been out of h!s h#ad .n Ou7-ju!ce. No. Fo<us..;.. Bre47he. Remember Ak4ne's scent anD the beaaat of her heart. Remember that your t0es are in the dirt and the sun is On your face. You are here, now, in this m.ment, with Cannai. You have a position in space and in time.

The world shuddered around him but failed to crack. His mantra stilled it like a calming touch stilled a frightened animal and after a moment he was able to speak again without fear of sounding like a crazy person.

"Have you ever heard of 'the king of hell'?" Hazō asked. "I heard a reference to it in a mission report from a while back."

"I fear not. Who or what is the king of hell?"

"It's this...monster, I guess? It got summoned when Pain resurrected a bunch of super dangerous, super violent ninja."

"Well, that sounds like a thumping great tale." Cannai thumped the ground with his own posterior appendage. "See what I did there? Eh? Eh?"

Hazō groaned and knocked his head against Cannai's back a few times. "You're terrible."

A long, gusty sigh blew across the prairie. "No one appreciates me," Cannai lamented. "My comedic genius, unrecognized."

"Would it be inappropriate for me to blow a raspberry at this point?"

"It would indeed. Also, I find myself disappointed that you fail to have the proper degree of respect a summoner should have for their Clan Lord."

"After that joke, I think I do have the proper degree of respect for you."

"And thus I am schooled on the fine art of comebacks. I shall retire from the field, defeated. Now, tell me the tale of this 'king of hell' that is capable of resurrecting people."

Hazō related the story of Nagi Island in Cannai-approved levels of detail. The sun had moved a noticeable arc by the time he was done.

"Fascinating," the massive dog said. "I shall arrange for a visit from Canaria and Canting. You must share that story with them."

"Uh...okay. Aren't they your bards? I don't think I have nearly enough storytelling ability to impress them."

"It is not your job to impress them, it is your job to tell them the tale and answer their questions. They will take charge of making the story fit for a taleswap."

"Right, got it." He let the conversational thread drop and simply sat for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth of the air and of Cannai's furnace-like body. The wind was soft and cool on his face. It smelled of water and rich soil and the occasional hint of wet dog from where some of the youngers were learning to water walk on the nearby river.

"Going back to the poem," he said, jerking back from the very edge of sleep. "The Sage also said that he left 'seven rocks with seven locks.' The Great Seal is, basically, a giant lock made of rock. There're seven paths... are there six more Great Seals?"

"I have no reason to believe either way, since I know little of the other Paths. Aside from the Human Path, they haven't been terribly relevant to my life."

"Feh, that was my next question. How about the Lost Ones? Does that refer to the Sage's Five companions? Or maybe to Lord Jashin?"

"Lord Jashin?"

"He's this god that Hidan worships. God of massacre and sacrifice, but also of sex and love and rebirth? It's weird. There was this one time when my family and I visited the Todoroki Shrine on O'uzo Island..." He spun the tale of Hidan and Itachi and the giant snake, doing his best to make it entertaining. Partway through he had to break off and sit up because Cannai was spasming in laughter.

"Your pardon," Cannai said, gathering his composure together again after a moment. "I imagine that was quite frightening, but the bit about 'do you read a lot of Icha Icha' got me."

"Thanks. Anyway, after that happened..." He finished spinning the story out.

"Another that you shall need to relate to Canting and Canaria. At this rate there shall be an entire cycle, 'The Adventures of Gōketsu Hazō Whom Fortune Favored'."

"'Whom Fortune Favored'? I mean...kicked out of my clan, tricked into being missing-nin, lost my Clan Lord..."

"Indeed. She has been granting you favors from all four paws."

"Ah. Yes, I think I take your point, but what do you mean by 'all four paws'?"

"Lady Fortune dispenses good fortune from her 'on' paws and ill fortune from her 'off' paws. Her forepaws grant fortune in your own dealings and her hind paws grant fortune in the world's dealings with you. She clearly adores you and has been showering her favor upon you most generously."

"Are you making a pee joke?"

"I am not. Such humor is beneath me."

"Uh-huh. Moving on, maybe you know Jashin by another name? His symbol is an upside-down triangle inside a circle."

"I regret having nothing to offer." Hazō's backrest shifted as Cannai looked up to check the position of the sun. "Ah, the day grows old and I have other people I must meet. I fear we must, as Kakashi used to say, 'put a knife in this' and come back to it later. It has been a pleasure speaking with you, Summoner."

"Oh, rats. I still wanted to ask you about the Sage's companions."

"You may ask Canaria and Canting. They will likely know as much or more than I, as both have assiduously sought out every Summoner during their lifetime and dragged stories from them, via tooth clamp where needed."

"Okay. Any idea when they'll be available?"

"I shall have to track them down...I believe Canaria is west of here now, near Falling River pack. Canting is south, residing with Rolling Waves. To find and gather them both will likely take not less than a week but not more than two."

Drat. That was a long time. Well, it wasn't like the information was urgent. "Thank you, Cannai."

"You are most welcome. Now, if you would be so kind to get off of me so that I don't drop you on your teeny little head when I stand up?"

"Oh, right! Sorry." He sat up and then climbed awkwardly to his feet, leaning on the cane with his right hand and using a jet of chakra repulsion from his left to get the process started.

Cannai rolled to his feet and turned to face Hazō, saucer-sized golden eyes not two feet from Hazō's head threatening an unpleasantly literal example of 'eye contact'.

"Be well, Summoner. I look forward to your next visit."

"Thank you, Cannai. I do too." He bowed, then made the handsign of release and disappeared through the dimensions.





Author's Note: You are gathered around the dinner table with the full Team Uplift roster. You, Kei, and Noburi have all shared the details you extracted from your various conversations on the Seventh Path. It didn't take long, since Kei struck out just as hard as Hazō did, but everyone was interested in what Noburi discovered. Kei was only in the room for about five minutes, just long enough to relate her experince, and left the moment she was done. Throughout her time there, she studiously ignored Mari's existence.

XP AWARD: 4

Brevity XP: 0

"GM had fun" XP: 1

  • +1 for the scene with Ma and Pa


It is now about 9pm.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, November 24, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
Last edited:
Interlude: Childhood's End
Interlude: Childhood's End

Yuno's birthday was a complicated affair for the Gōketsu Clan for multiple reasons, and not just the fact that all the "clan elders" were still feeling aftershocks of bloodcurdling terror. First, the Isanese didn't do birthdays; it was just another weird barbarian tradition which Yuno pretended she understood, but which didn't hold any emotional resonance for her. Second, Yuno was not a happy Yuno. The revelation that she'd joined a clan that sacrificed its less valuable members for more valuable ones had plenty of emotional resonance. She'd said very little to anyone since hearing what happened, and nothing to Mari or Hazō.

Noburi's own feelings were complicated. Everything had worked out all right, and in the end that trumped everything. Mari had made a hard choice in an awful situation, and had paid a price, and would, he suspected, pay a lot more in the traditional Mari currency of beating herself up. At the same time, he couldn't help feeling little flashes of irrational rage every time he imagined Kei being taken away to be tortured by a monster because Mari had put Hazō first. Guilt, too, and frustration. Why had Mari not chosen him instead? Yes, Kei had political support blah blah blah, but Noburi was the lynchpin to Leaf's military strategy. To the Hokage and the village at large, he was worth way more than his weight in gold. Was he not important enough, even now? Was he still not good enough?

Or was it something worse? He'd paid extra attention to Mari ever since she came back from Isan not quite herself, of course he had, and to the rift with Kei which he was in no way qualified to do anything about. The mistress of infiltration who could memorise a dozen people's names, appearances, and mannerisms in the blink of an eye should not have been having more trouble than Kagome when it came to the Keiko-Kei conversion. Also, while he couldn't swear to it, he was pretty sure that in Mari's more unguarded moments he'd caught a subtle undercurrent of anger when she used the name. If Mari's decision to sacrifice Kei instead of him (or instead of a better option) had been even 1% determined by a grudge, that was a thing Noburi could never forgive. It was lucky that he'd probably never know.

No, forget Mari, who'd put herself on the line to make it all work out in the end. Where had Noburi been, obliviously playing games while around the corner, his best friend and brother was being crushed into submission, one of the most precious people in the world was being lined up for murder, and the woman who'd kidnapped him from a life of mediocrity and into a life of infinite possibilities was being psychically ripped to pieces? Maybe she'd been right to overlook him. Who cared about besieging fortresses when he couldn't even protect his own family?

Even in the aftermath, all Noburi could do was sit at home and look after Mari while Hazō and the geniuses went off to save the day with brilliant political manoeuvres he wasn't cleared to know about.

But not the point. Noburi would bounce back. He always did. It was Yuno that mattered right now. Yuno had been promised that the Gōketsu weren't like any other clan. They were a family and a team, united by a determination to do better than the society around them, and not to stop looking until they found better solutions to humanity's problems than the ones that society had settled for. As far as she was concerned, that promise had been broken. Like the Kannagi, the Gōketsu hadn't hesitated to sacrifice a lesser clanswoman for the sake of the clan as a whole. There was no point arguing that they'd done the best they could in a difficult situation—the Gōketsu had promised to be smarter, not just kinder, and if they descended to the Kannagi's level out of incompetence rather than immorality, that would hardly make her feel much better.

The Gōketsu throwing away the life of Yuno's holy of holies was bad enough. But in Yuno's mind, she didn't have even a sliver of the Pangolin Summoner's pragmatic value, because in this blind pre-Uplift world, chakra powers and political standing mattered so much more than straight-up being a good person. How long before it was Yuno who got the short end of the stick, because that was what clan-Yuno relationships were like?

Obviously, Noburi wouldn't let this stand. He couldn't rebuild Yuno's trust in the clan overnight. Even as her husband, who'd be damned if he let anyone hurt her just because the clan had no better ideas, there was only so much he could do to help her start feeling safe among the Gōketsu again. Luckily, in addition to being her husband, he was also Gōketsu Noburi, the clan's master of support, and he'd started laying groundwork for this very day months ago.

-o-​

As far as Hazō was concerned, Noburi had outdone himself. It had been a horrible shock to learn, in the throes of planning Yuno's birthday party, that Yuno did not do birthdays, did not see the point of birthdays, and would in all likelihood look down on anyone who had taken so little care to learn about her as to try celebrating her birthday. Indeed, he had a feeling she'd somehow got wind of the plans already, because she'd been acting distant towards him ever since yesterday.

That was the moment that Noburi, the hero they didn't deserve, had swooped in and saved the day by changing the event to something almost the same but tremendously more meaningful: the coming-of-age ceremony that Yuno had never received.

It got better. Noburi had somehow managed to extract all the key details of the ceremony from Yuno without her knowing, had quietly custom-ordered copies of various religious implements (which, now Hazō thought of it, accounted for certain bizarre rumours about the clan's sexual preferences), and had planned out the whole thing down to who would play what role (although there'd been some last-minute adjustments after Yuno had made it clear that Mari Was Not Invited). Hazō's own contribution, and he was moved by the fact that past-Noburi had trusted him to be in Asuma's good books at the right time rather than teetering on the edge of the killbox, was to burn some capital to buy special Hokage dispensation for "a dramatic recreation for the purposes of cultural exchange", or more precisely a blatantly pagan ritual that would give Hagoromo Ritsuo conniptions. Since they were inviting Yuno's friends(!), there was no way of escaping rumours that would further trash the Gōketsu's religious reputation, but for some reason Noburi was adamant that Yuno shouldn't spend the event locked into interacting with just her clansmen.

They had set the stage and run through last-minute rehearsals while Yuno was in the Chamber of the Honeybee undergoing ritual purification (an extensive process she was engaged in even now), and Hazō was finally in position to take a breather while Akane confirmed that the kami invocation sigils on the ground were drying properly and Noburi helped Kagome-sensei put on his outfit the right way up.

It was then that Kei approached, garbed in ominous red priest robes—having the Pangolin Summoner officiate was apparently holy enough to cancel out the fact that the tools and actors were about as authentic as Kagome-sensei's Classic Don't-Ask-What's-In-It Stew made with recognisable animal meat. She was trailed by three unfamiliar figures: a slender girl with shoulder-length brown hair and a blank expression, an older woman in Inuzuka formalwear with a vivid diagonal scar across her cheek and a Cantelope-sized dog by her side, and a boy Hazō's age with sticky-up red hair and a wide, sparkling smile.

"For reasons best known to herself," Kei said drily, "Yuno delegated the social interaction element of preparations to yours truly. Please allow me to introduce Fujisawa Miyuki, Inuzuka Raika and Yatsuzakimaru, and Kichi Gai."

For reasons Hazō couldn't guess at, Kichi gave Kei a wink, at which she gave a bone-freezing glare he completely ignored.

The Inuzuka stepped up to Hazō first. "Inuzuka Raika, Lord Gōketsu."

Yatsuzakimaru gave a friendly woof. Hazō did some quick maths and realised that with that age gap (adult Inuzuka dogs were huge), Inuzuka must have lost her original partner, and not that long ago. It was said to be like losing a particularly beloved sibling.

"I was on close terms with Captain Kakashi," she said in a husky voice. "I would be very interested in learning what it's been like for you as his heir, if you have the time."

"My condolences," Hazō said. "It would be my pleasure—maybe you could find me during the feast? For now, I'd appreciate it if you made your way over to Akane"—he gestured—"so she can fit you with the basic minimum of ceremonial decorations."

"Of course, Lord Gōketsu."

Inuzuka began to head off. Yatsuzakimaru delayed, apparently more interested in sniffing Hazō all over, but she gave a low growl, and he turned to follow her with a reluctant whine.

Fujisawa bowed to Hazō next, but did not speak. Instead, she reached into a thigh holster and pulled out, of all things, a pocket notebook. She quickly flipped it to the back page.

My name is Fujisawa Miyuki. I am pleased to meet you. [a small doodle of a person bowing] I am unable to speak. Please do not ask about this. In every other way, I am an ordinary ninja. Thank you for your understanding. [a small doodle of a hand making the Seal of Reconciliation]

She flicked back to the front, where another readied message awaited. It is nice to meet you, Lord Gōketsu. I have heard many interesting things about you. [a whole series of doodles, including a figure with pointy teeth half its body in length holding a sword with a hole in it, a figure running vertically up a cloud, an explosion, a happy dog, and a figure in the Hokage hat with steam coming out of its ears] Thank you for being kind to Yuno. I appreciate it very much.

"Addendum," Kei said in a disinterested voice, "Yuno wishes you to be aware that Fujisawa is the heir of the Falling Star Style, extraordinarily gifted, and Leaf's finest axe-wielder after herself."

Fujisawa's expression remained blank, but there was already a yatate writing set in her hand, and a brush flickering across a new page. This is an exaggeration. Leaf just doesn't have that many axe-wielders. After a second's pause, she added, That said, the Falling Star Style is Leaf's strongest axe style. That means it is probably the world's strongest axe style, but please don't tell Yuno I said that, and a doodle of an axe hovering in mid-air with rays of light shining off it.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Fujisawa," Hazō said, giving her a broad smile that hadn't seemed right when talking to Inuzuka. "I hope you enjoy the ceremony."

As Fujisawa followed Inuzuka towards Akane and the Tent of Three Colours, there was an almighty crash from the direction of the banquet tables.

Kei facepalmed. "Fractal, no! I told them we did not need 'adorable clumsiness' as an experimental trait!"

With that, she ran off, leaving Kichi blinking in confusion.

After a second, he gave a casual shrug and turned back to Hazō.

Hazō: Empathy 11 - 6 = 5
Kichi Gai: [Hazō can't tell if this is Rapport or Deceit] ? + ? = ?

"It's great to meet you, Lord Gōketsu," Kichi Gai said with a beaming smile nearly worthy of his namesake. "I love what you've done with the place. The whole granite thing? Very modern. My name's Kichi Gai—I mean, you just heard that, but any good thing is worth saying twice."

"It's good to meet you too, Kichi," Hazō said. "So I take it you know Kei as well?"

"Kei? Oh, you mean Lady Nara. Sure do." Kichi's smile narrowed a little, but that just meant it returned to what Hazō considered the normal spectrum. "I work with her sister on the Final Gift Programme as Chief Procurement Officer. Nothing like not getting kidnapped and vivisected to motivate you to give back to the community, am I right?"

"Tell me about it," Hazō muttered.

"Sorry, didn't catch that."

"I said, what does a Chief Procurement Officer do?"

"Oh, it's not as big a deal as it sounds," Kichi said with a dismissive swipe of his hand. "Sometimes you get a ninja who could really benefit from signing up for the Programme, but they're afraid of pain—and who can blame them?—or they have religious compunctions or what have you, and they just need a bit of guidance to encourage them to take that last step."

Hazō felt a chill go down his spine. "And… Ami's OK with that?"

"When she first found out I was doing it, I thought she was going to kill me," Kichi said airily. "But then we had a major shortfall one month, and Dr Yakushi turned up and warned us that Orochimaru was losing interest in the arrangement, and she saw the light pretty quick. There's no greater virtue in a leader than flexibility, am I right?"

"I-I think you'd better go get your costume sorted," Hazō said weakly. "Wouldn't want to delay the ceremony."

"You got it, boss."

Kichi gave him another quick bow and sauntered off after the other guests, leaving Hazō staring at his back.

-o-​

Having finished chewing out Fractal, Kei eventually returned to Hazō.

"Hazō, I believe there is one more thing of which you should be aware earlier rather than later."

"Oh?"

"The Hokage summoned Shikamaru earlier this morning."

"What did he say?" Hazō asked. And if it was about the Orochimaru incident, why only Shikamaru?

"He began by congratulating him on successfully navigating a challenging crisis without collateral damage," Kei said. "However, he went on to note that while citing obscure Leaf laws, or intending to invoke them, is not in itself illegal, blackmail most certainly is. He reaffirmed his promise to prioritise the spirit of the law with regard to this incident, but also stated that, should Shikamaru ever use this particular matter as a means of leverage again, he could expect to meet the same fate as Amori Goemon."

"Why," Hazō asked, "what happened to Amori Goemon?"

"When I asked Shikamaru," Kei replied, "he said only that I had already suffered through a traumatic enough couple of days. Naturally, I checked the records, but no shinobi of that name has ever existed as far as Leaf is concerned—not that Leaf recordkeeping is anything more than an embarrassment to any well-structured mind."

"Well," Hazō said quietly, "that's nice and terrifying."

Then he brightened. "Oh, but speaking of recordkeeping! Kei, there's actually a chart I wanted to show you."

The chart was a masterwork, the fruit of hours of focused labour after he'd decided to use the night productively in lieu of Orochimaru nightmares. Disappointingly, Kei took it with the same banal reluctance she displayed with most of his lists or diagrams. Well, she would soon learn better.

Yes, after only a few seconds of study, her world-weary expression was replaced by the stunned, wide-eyed stare of a newly-graduated genin facing his first chakra marmoset.

"Hazō," she said slowly, "what is this?"

"Can't you tell from the list of names?" Hazō asked. "It's a shipping chart. There's a key in the top right."

Kei stared at it for a few seconds longer. "Please tell me you are not serious."

"As a ninjutsu malfunction," Hazō said. "It was going to be even more detailed, but I ran out of colours."

"Why would you create such a thing, Hazō?" Kei asked, a note of pleading in her voice. "And having created it, why would you show it to me?"

"Honestly," Hazō said, "it seemed like a good idea at the time."

Kei put her hand to her forehead. "Hazō, I am ever so grateful that you showed this to me before anyone else, especially anyone in a position of authority. While you are correct in assuming that the state of the war is severely interfering with our usual import routes, we cannot reroute naval traffic through Haran Bay. With Cloud having entered the war, we cannot simply assume that Hot Springs will remain neutral, or, for that matter, that Cloud is not monitoring approaches to it in anticipation of exactly this workaround. Your proposed detour through Degarashi Port, meanwhile, ignores the practicalities of foodstuff spoilage. As for Wave, if we can reliably get a messenger to Wave, we can reliably get a messenger to Mist, at which point we will in any case have assistance in expelling Cloud and restoring shipping to normal. I realise you are seeking new ways to be useful to the Hokage, but please trust that the Logistics Corps, much of it Nara or Nara-trained, has such mundane problems well in hand. This attempt would only have cost you respect from professionals unimpressed by ultracrepidation."

Hazō could do nothing but nod in contrition and return to carrying out Noburi's winning plan.

-o-​

"…and thus does Ui's blessing descend on the conscientious."

Hazō suppressed his thousandth yawn as he watched the opening rites with Akane from their appointed place in the Tent of the Ocelot. As any former student of the Mist Academy of the Ninja Arts knew, there were few greater sources of suffering than having to listen to hours of religious instruction while pretending at all times to be attentive, alert, loyal future ninja. This was just as bad, only it was also being delivered in rhythmic monotone by a girl notable for her low-affect speech, and was more soporific than anything Tsunade could concoct with a full alchemy lab. Of course, it was even worse for Kei, who'd had to memorise this gibberish from Yuno's personal holy texts, and who was now having to recite it in fake Isanese lorekeeper robes—in other words, while dressed as an Inoue for the entire ceremony.

Fortunately, Hazō's own suffering was now over. The interesting part was about to begin.

"Next," Noburi said from his seat on a tree branch just outside the ritual space, "the Watcher raises his mirror to show that it does not reflect any of the Old Gods, and the ceremony may proceed."

They'd had trouble figuring out what to do about Asuma's sole stipulation, which was that there had to be an element to the ceremony that made it screamingly obvious that the whole thing was fake and not a challenge to the spiritual monopoly of the Will of Fire. Snowflake's solution had been inspired: they'd appointed Noburi the narrator, who would guide the audience through the bizarre goings-on in front of them, and also conveniently make sure that everybody involved in the ceremony itself was able to stay on track.

"I said," Noburi repeated more loudly, "the Watcher raises his mirror to show that it does not reflect any of the Old Gods."

The Watcher, naturally, was Kagome-sensei. His duty was to stand there for the entire ceremony and watch for incursions by the Old Gods, for which purpose he held the Mirror of No Reflection in one hand and the Bell of Panic in the other. The outfit was completed by a long, weirdly cuboid fake grey beard (mandatory) and by the Vestments of Injunction, elaborate black robes with countless designs traced on them in red ink: a sword through a figure of eight, a circle binding an equilateral triangle, a spiky eight-pointed star, a series of concentric circles with four commas around the rim… Hazō had been salivating at the prospect of Forbidden Lore until Yuno admitted she didn't know what most of them represented.

"Bwuh?!" Kagome-sensei snapped into wakefulness and thrust the mirror in front of him as if batting away an incoming sky squid. "The, uh, elder seals still hold!"

"Now," Noburi went on, "the Maiden Beneath the Stars brings forth the Thrice-Bound Cage containing the Chicken of Innocence."

Noburi had unilaterally declared that, as the one by nature most suited to repetitive manual labour, his clan head would be the one to spend hours weaving the Thrice-Bound Cage, a complex, irregularly-shaped wickerwork construction that had to be crafted completely underwater so that its eldritch powers wouldn't escape before they were sealed in during the final step (and that had ended up recording a variety of movements like nothing Hazō had ever made into the Iron Nerve). Happily, Noburi hadn't realised that this would leave him with the worst part, which was painting a live and angry chicken.

The Maiden Beneath the Stars, a.k.a. Snowflake, swathed in layers of white cloth with a dangling red obi that made her look like a Sagemas present waiting to be unwrapped, proffered the fruit of Hazō's labours to Yuno, together with the silver Implement of Oracular Exsanguination (which looked like a spoon and a fork had been caught in multiple sealing failures together, and which Kei was planning to donate to T&I afterwards as thanks for their stellar customer service). The Thrice-Bound Cage quivered alarmingly, but Yuno kept a solid hold on it.

"The Youth frees the Chicken of Innocence from the Thrice-Bound Cage, and beseeches it for guidance on her future path."

In a swift, violent series of movements, Yuno slid the lid off the cage, pulled the striped green-and-purple Chicken of Innocence out by its neck, and stabbed it viciously with the Implement of Oracular Exsanguination, before casting it away so the initial spurt of blood wouldn't get on her yellow kimono.

Everyone watched in silence as the Chicken of Innocence ran to and fro, bleeding heavily, until its panicked energy ran out and it collapsed in the far corner of the ritual space.

"The Priestess has observed the dance of the Chicken of Innocence, and uses it to divine the future."

Kei, of course, didn't know the first thing about Isanese immaculate poultry augury, but as Akio's Chosen, her authority in religious matters was immutable, and her intuition beyond reproach (as far as Yuno was concerned, murdering the High Priest was not a punishable crime and therefore Elder Takahashi's verdict could go hang).

"With Ui's endless vision in my eyes and Ui's deep conviction in my kidneys," Kei proclaimed with a completely straight face, "I declare that the Chicken of Innocence promises Gōketsu Yuno a life of passion and joy. She shall slay many foes, know true love, bear many healthy children"—she glanced at a squirming Noburi as if to say yes, this was revenge for the Inoue robes—"and die bathed in the blood of her enemies in defence of her family and her village."

"Now," Noburi declared, at extra volume as if to distract attention from his crimson face, "the Youth must face the Four Banes."

Akane Red Spider Lily, Akane Freesia, Akane Tiger Lily, and Akane Sakura lined up between Yuno and the priestess's podium, each dressed in her namesake's colour and standing in the angular, coat rack-like Stance of Temptation. After carefully placing the Implement of Oracular Exsanguination in the Thrice-Bound Cage and closing the lid, Yuno stepped in front of Akane Red Spider Lily, on the left end of the row.

"The Bane of Dependence."

Akane Spider Lily shimmied forward, arms open to embrace Yuno.

Hazō forced himself not to flinch as Yuno struck her down with a single blow, making her disappear. Yuno took a step to the right, in front of Akane Freesia.

"The Bane of Irresponsibility."

Akane Freesia shimmied forward, offering Yuno a brightly-painted doll.

Yuno struck her down with a single blow, making her disappear. She took a step to the right, in front of Akane Tiger Lily.

"The Bane of Rebelliousness."

Akane Tiger Lily shimmied forward, offering Yuno a crochet hook.

Yuno struck her down with a single blow, making her disappear. She took a step to the right, in front of Akane Sakura.

"The Bane of Childish Dreams."

Finally, Akane Sakura shimmied forward, offering Yuno a scroll with a child's drawing.

Yuno struck her down with a single blow, making her disappear. Then, she straightened her fingers and made the Sign of the Stone Coffin (which was not to be made against a living person on pain of blood feud) over the leftover props.

"Having proved that her spirit is worthy, the Youth must face her final challenge: a battle with her master."

Kei tossed Yuno a simple wooden stick, not an Implement of anything.

Hazō tensed, because with the little time they'd had to rehearse, there was every possibility this wouldn't work at all. However, after a few seconds, Satsuko, the only possible candidate for the title, rose into the air in front of Yuno as if by her own power. Yuno gasped.

Hazō could see Kei and all the Snowflakes frowning in concentration as they strove to keep their Zephyr's Reaches coordinated.

Satsuko wobbled uncertainly towards Yuno, more like a drunk student trying to prove she was totally sober by walking in a straight line (legend said that Hoshigaki Rin had actually broken into Old Lizardbreath's stash and lived to tell the tale) than like an attacking evil-looking black axe with special grooves for the blood. Yuno raised her stick defensively.

"First, the Youth proves her resolve in the face of her weakness."

Satsuko careened downward, powered solely by gravity, and Yuno deflected her with a simple sideways sweep. Satsuko collapsed to the ground, then rose again after a brief delay, this time a little more steadily.

"However, the Youth's weakness is too great."

On the second chop, Yuno raised her stick to block, and Satsuko cut it in half. Yuno stepped aside at the last second.

"Finally, the master slays the Youth's weakness."

Satsuko rose a third time, nearly fell to the ground again, but eventually got as high as Yuno's chest. She fell aggressively at Yuno, turned to strike with the flat of the blade.

Yuno staggered at the impact, pain written across her face, but, crucially, stayed on her feet.

This time, when Satsuko fell to the ground, it was Yuno who picked her up.

"The Youth has earned her adulthood weapon. Only one thing remains."

Akane stepped out from the Tent of the Ocelot. Taking position behind Yuno, and well away from Satsuko (not for ritual reasons, just common sense), she gently undid and took off Yuno's yellow kimono. Beneath, Yuno was wearing the simple green trousers and jacket of the Gōketsu.

"The clan consort"—standing in for Yuno's mother—"strips off the Binding Garment of Youth."

Hazō made a note to tease Akane about this later, but right now it was also his cue.

"The clan head dresses the Youth in the Empowering Garment of Adulthood."

Stepping out of the Tent of the Ocelot, Hazō walked forward in the slow, stately fashion of a paternal figure on Serious Business, pausing every third step so that the ghost of Yuno's father, whom he was representing, didn't fall behind. Taking Akane's place behind Yuno, he helped her into a red Gōketsu haori adorned with the clan crest.

"Gōketsu Yuno," Kei intoned. "With this, you are an adult and a full-fledged shinobi in the eyes of Ui Isas, your clan, and your village. Serve faithfully, and may Ui guide you in the footsteps of the Chicken of Innocence until your destiny is fulfilled."

"And so," Noburi concluded with a grin you could see from the moon, "the coming-of-age ceremony is complete. You can cheer now."

Hazō was the first to obey (maybe a little too loudly, given he was standing right next to Yuno, but it was the thought that counted), but only by a second.

"Hell yeah!"

"Congratulations, Yuno!"

"Welcome back to the joys and horrors of adulthood from which you were granted such a brief reprieve!"

Inuzuka smiled proudly, arms crossed, while Yatsuzakimaru barked incessantly. Kichi hollered congratulation after congratulation. Fujisawa looked like she was watching paint dry, but was also holding up a notebook page which could barely contain an enormous exclamation mark.

Before Hazō knew it, Noburi was holding Yuno in his arms, and Hazō might have been the only person close enough to see that she was crying.

-o-​

Despite Fractal's best efforts to be true to her assigned self (and Hazō found it noteworthy that the girl with the hexagonal hairpin was still present and not dispelled), the tables in the Chamber of Responsible Jubilation were still covered with a cornucopia of food, from a wide selection of Leaf favourites, to ominous-looking attempts at traditional Isanese cuisine (hopefully, the civilian chefs had taken Yuno's feedback from her last two parties on board, and there wouldn't be another Unpeeled Hedgehog Incident), to...

"How long has Leaf had a traditional Mist-style seafood restaurant with authentic ingredients, and why was I not informed?!"

"Since Ami," Noburi said, sliding a sausage into the wobbling stack of food on his plate as if playing a reverse game of Tower of Inescapable Doom. "And that's 'traditional Eastern-style cuisine', if you don't want to kill their business after it's already been royally screwed by the Cloud invasion."

"Noburi, have Gaku start making the arrangements. I'm going to marry that woman."

Noburi gave Hazō the look the clan heads had given Asuma when he ordered the annihilation of Rock. He opened his mouth several times, as if trying to pick a response, and finally settled on, "Bro, you know that Kei is right over there?"

"Fine," Hazō said, "I'll buy her a lifetime supply of Frost-style shaved ice or something."

Noburi added another sausage to his stack, which teetered alarmingly.

"Actually," he said, "speaking of narrowly-averted disaster, you know how I went down to the hospital last night to thank Tsunade for saving all our asses?"

Hazō nodded. "I don't like the start of that sentence."

"You'll like this even less," Noburi promised. "Apparently, she's just got round to collating the reports from the Battle of the Five Clans, and all those summoners who were feeling sick afterwards but didn't say anything because you don't make jōnin by being able to show weakness and it was probably just a sign that they weren't exercising their chakra coils enough anyway? Same symptoms."

"And you're about to tell me that it's not because they weren't exercising their chakra coils enough," Hazō guessed.

"Nope. Water poisoning."

"What?" Hazō demanded. "But it's water! Pure water, the least poisonous thing in this Sage-blessed world! And besides, if drinking your chakra water was bad, everyone in Team Uplift would be with the ancestors ten times over by now."

Noburi sighed and put his plate down. "Don't yell at me, yell at the world's greatest doctor. No, actually, do yell at me, because this is all my fault. I bet you anything, the second a Wakahisa hits chūnin, they get told about this weakness of the Vampiric Dew that they didn't need to know about before because their reserves weren't big enough anyway. I was so proud of myself for figuring out that other Bloodline Limit ability that I'm not going to mention in public because I'm not an idiot, but I didn't even think of something so simple. Of course if it was that easy, every Wakahisa in the field would be followed about by a gaggle of genin at a safe distance. Ugh."

"But—but wait!" Hazō exclaimed, reaching out to grab at the future as it slipped through his fingers. "The body absorbs chakra faster than it absorbs water, right? Couldn't you just keep vomiting up the chakra water before it could poison you?"

"I asked Tsunade the same thing," Noburi said. "After she was done giving me her 'Have you ever unfurled a medicine scroll in your life, boy?' look, she said if you vomit over and over, your stomach juices will rip up your throat and just generally do all kinds of awful stuff I won't repeat.

"Long and short, we're lucky the Battle of Five Clans was such an overwhelming curbstomp that they got the summoning done early—probably thanks to Orochimaru taking down the gate, much as I hate to admit it. The Hokage's going to be hopping mad when he hears we nearly hospitalised most of Leaf's summoners in one fell swoop. Hopefully, the fact that Tsunade knew the plan and didn't catch it either will make things easier on us—though, again, as a Wakahisa, I should've known better. Ugh."

"Ugh," Hazō agreed. He sincerely hoped the Summoner Army proposal he'd recently sent Asuma hadn't included his musings about having the Hokage drink all the chakra water they could make.

-o-​

The afterparty was over. Kei was finally free from people. Whether it was Yuno's tearful thanks for the second-best day of her life, or Akane bizarrely being even more bouncy after acting as an agent of anti-Youth, or Kichi attempting to make advances in the full knowledge that she was gay and married and not looking and completely immune to his dubious charm, or Fujisawa sticking to her like glue after finding out that Kei was more comfortable around speech-impaired people than around the incessantly-blabbering masses… enough was enough.

Mercifully, Fractal, Moonlight, and the "newborn" Horizon (who had been assigned a sense of awe at the majesty of creation, and had yet to decide whether her entire existence was one cruel joke) were doing a sterling job maintaining a perimeter around Kei, preventing the three guests from attempting to socialise with her directly as they all walked back to Leaf, and leaving only her and Snowflake in a bubble of companionable silence.

Would that such relative bliss had lasted longer, as the absolute last person Kei wanted to see in the world (who wasn't a literal snake) suddenly barred her way.

"Kei, Snowflake," Mari began, shivering in her winter coat even though the temperature was barely below zero, "can we talk?"

Kei and Snowflake exchanged glances.

With an unspoken understanding, the other three sisters carried on ahead, screening the scene from the guests as they went.

"Mari," Kei said coldly.

"I want to apologise," Mari said. "I had no choice, but what I did to you was still unconscionable."

"You have already apologised," Kei said. "You may consider your social obligations expended and return home."

"Kei," Mari said, "even if you doubt that I'm sincere, please don't doubt that I'm worried about our family. This rift between us has dragged in Yuno, and that means sooner or later it'll drag in Noburi, and if things get any worse, I'm scared that it'll split our family right down the middle. I've seen it happen before—I've made it happen before—and as soon as people start feeling they have no choice but to take sides, it all escalates, and people start saying things that can't be taken back."

"What would you have me do?" Kei asked. "Lie to them? Pretend that I am still capable of trusting you? I, whose social skills put the most gregarious sea turtle to shame, could not maintain such a deception for a minute in the face of those who know me best."

She closed her eyes. There was nothing she could say here. Nothing she could do. Even her anger, the life-giving anger that propelled her forward when everything else about her failed, and exacted no price she was not used to paying, refused to stir to life.

"Was there seriously no other solution?" Snowflake demanded in her place. "Did Gōketsu Mari, the virtuoso of manipulation whom even she once looked up to as a superior, really have to resort to human sacrifice to distract a spoiled, self-obsessed manchild from a toy he only mildly wanted?"

"You weren't there," Mari said. "I could see the sand pouring out of the hourglass. I thought we'd won—I'd pushed myself to the limit to make sure we won—and then he started to turn around and think about whether he wanted Hazō after all, and with every second, the odds of Hazō getting out alive dropped like a rock. I did my honest best under pressure, and frankly, it's a miracle that I outraced Orochimaru's thought process at all."

Kei soaked this in. Words finally came.

"It was not a certainty, then? You offered Orochimaru our lives not to save Hazō, but as a form of risk mitigation? Your objective was only to distract Orochimaru, not specifically to divert him from a prize within arm's reach, and for that you gave him our lives?"

"I did everything I could," Mari insisted. "I took the path with the highest odds of survival for everyone, each time, even when that meant deliberately calling his anger down on myself."

"I can appreciate the reasoning behind your actions," Kei said. Of course she could. A Mori was not permitted to turn away from the facts, had she but the wherewithal to recognise them in the first place. "I can appreciate why, once our lives instantly sprang to mind as a convenient sacrificial piece, you weighed the odds and found it the optimal way to proceed. Certainly, it is a fact that I hold by far the most political influence of those in the clan, however richly undeserved. An enemy pointed at me will find it far more difficult to act than one pointed at Hazō, with his few allies and mercurial relationship with the Powers That Be. Let us be clear that a lack of intelligence on your part is not among my grievances.

"With that in mind, Mari, do but one thing for me. Look me in the eye and tell me that if another such situation should arise, where a grave danger to the Gōketsu—or merely the Gōketsu clan head—can be offset by sacrificing me and trusting in my superior protections, you will choose my well-being over the good of the clan."

Mari hesitated, only for an instant, but after what she had done, any hesitation was enough.

"No? Then I am but your tool, bereft of my own agency and at the mercy of your personal risk assessment. I do not deny your skill at navigating crises, Mari—indeed I envy it—but I hope you understand why I will never be able to trust you again."

"I understand why my life means nothing to you," Snowflake spoke up as Kei fell silent. "It's a shallow, weightless life, and ours is a shallow, weightless bond. But Kei is supposed to mean the world to you!" Snowflake's hands clenched into fists. "All she wants, all she ever wanted, was for you to love her for who she was—not a tool, not a way to be a good person, not a jigsaw piece to fit into your picture of your perfect world, but her, this precious, fragile individual. You could not even do that. 'Team Mum' couldn't see her needs if seeing them meant having to face herself for real.

"What have you done about it, Mari? How far have you gone to fix what you broke, you, who aren't locked in by the Sage-damned Frozen Skein or by the mind of a girl who doesn't understand people or how they work? You are not perfect—I understand that, and I have no idea of your true capabilities because I am stuck seeing you through a borrowed prism of adoration—but you had one job. Did you have to do this? Could you not have stepped in Orochimaru's path yourself? Could you not have tempted him with Truth Lost in the Fog, a unique, extraordinary bribe that would probably not require anyone to be dissected? Could you not have drawn his attention by asking him about his research, or the Basement, or Jiraiya, or Akatsuki, or whatever? Yes, it would have been less reliable than throwing the mouse to the snake. He might have rebuffed you, even lashed out if you were persistent. But it was…" For a second, Snowflake choked up. "It was what a mother would have done!"

"Snowflake, enough."

Kei did not want to be defended. There was no point, and it was too late. Kei had not chosen to bare her soul, and though she was moved—perhaps even a little shaken—by Snowflake's actions, it was not Snowflake's place to do so for her.

"Mari, as part of your optimal scenario, you chose to sacrifice my trust in you. I do not have the power to undo that sacrifice any more than I do the other events that transpired, even should I conclude it to be the rational course of action. Our relationship is no longer a problem to be solved, or a scale to be rebalanced through apologies and atonement. It is over."

Kei walked away, and Snowflake with her.

At the last moment, before Mari was too far away to hear, Kei had two final words she could not make herself not say.

"Be well."

-o-​

Voting is open.
 
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Interlude: Dissonant Values

"Hazō," Yuno said hesitantly, her fingers running along Satsuko's haft as if for reassurance (hopefully for reassurance). "Clan Lord. I wanted to thank you for the ceremony. You bribed the Hokage to permit it, and you took a whole day off at a critical time, and you crafted the Thrice-Bound Cage yourself even though it meant permanently sacrificing some of your soul experience."

What?! Oh, Noburi would pay for this.

"It meant more than I can say," she went on. "Not just because now my life path is a little closer to how the teachings say it should be, but because you care. This past year has been the best of my life, between being allowed to make friends, and Noburi, and having people smile when I come down for breakfast, and only act a little bit like I could kill them at any moment without a good reason, which isn't true at all, and do things they otherwise wouldn't do just because they want me to be happy. I can't ever forget everything you've all done for me. That's why…" She gave a brave smile, but didn't look him in the eye. "If you have to sacrifice me, I think I can make my peace with it. You won't have to wait until I'm not there or tell me it's part of some clever scheme where I'll be OK in the end. Just… please give me a little time first, if you can. And look after Satsuko. It would be sad if she stopped being a Gōketsu just because I died."

Through pure strength of will, Hazō managed not to facepalm. It would have been insensitive.

"Yuno, nobody is sacrificing anybody. Nobody did sacrifice anybody. Mari came up with the best solution she could to make sure everyone was safe, the rest of us built on it, and we managed to run rings around Orochimaru without losing anyone or anything except a whole lot of sanity, points with Tsunade, and a marker the size of the Hyūga compound owed to Shikamaru. The Gōketsu can, will, and do work miracles if that's what it takes to protect our family."

"Hazō, Mari isn't here," Yuno said. "You don't have to lie to spare her feelings. Or sugarcoat things for me, if that's what you're doing."

"I'm not," Hazō said patiently. "Mari did the very best she could. If you want to challenge that, you have to prove you could have done better, with so little time and under so much pressure, and without the benefit of hindsight. That's not possible, not for any of us. And on top of that, if she'd really wanted to sacrifice Kei, she wouldn't have immediately put herself in the line of fire to save her."

"I'm not stupid, Hazō," Yuno said. "There are legends about people who manage to trick asuras. Nobody expects a mortal to be able to do it twice, even if they're as cunning as Mari. But what she did instead was wrong. Kei only survived because Orochimaru didn't get suspicious, and didn't get impatient, and didn't go look himself at ninja speed, or send a shadow clone or a summon to look for her, or leave one with you in which case you couldn't have warned her, or run right after you the second he realised he'd been tricked instead of hurting Mari and going home, or come by first thing in the morning and kidnap Kei on her way to the Tower, or on her way out, or use one of the powers of the Serpent that Consumes All It Does Not Understand to do things we can't even guess at because there's only one person in Leaf who knows him at all and I bet even she doesn't know half of what he can do!"

She paused to catch her breath. Her grip around Satsuko was tighter.

"I know you had plans. Some of them put you at risk, and that's very heroic. But Mari didn't know in advance what you'd come up with, and nor did you, and neither of you knew they'd work. If you'd picked the wrong one, or if the Hokage had sent Tsunade out of Leaf on a mission first thing after the meeting, or any one of a thousand ifs that even someone as smart as you can't estimate how likely they are, Kei would be dead. How different is 'sacrificed unless everything works out just right' from 'sacrificed for real'?"

"There was no perfect solution, Yuno!" Hazō exclaimed. "If there was, Mari would have taken it in a flash, and so would I. Sometimes you just have to face awful, difficult decisions where there's no right answer. Having to learn how to deal with those, and live with the consequences, is a part of ninja life that none of us get to escape."

"Hazō," Yuno interrupted, "I know you are very intelligent while I'm only about average, but please don't patronise me. I've been a ninja longer than you, and I've been on many hunts where things go wrong and you can't save everyone and you're a bad person no matter who you pick—not to other people, because that tapir has long since fled, but to yourself."

"Then what's your answer, Yuno?" Hazō demanded, throwing his arms open in frustration. "If you know that sometimes there are only bad choices, and you don't think Mari could have come up with some amazing trick to send Orochimaru packing altogether, then what do you want her—us—to have done?"

Yuno looked down at Satsuko for a few seconds, as if conferring.

"I think…" she said slowly, "that even if you don't recognise the Pangolin Summoner as holy, it is proper for a person who can consent to sacrifice themselves for a person who can't, and for a brother to sacrifice himself for a sister, and for a leader to sacrifice himself for the people he's sworn to protect. I think there is a difference between being faced with a choice and inventing one. I may not understand right and wrong the way other people do, but I think that wrong doesn't become right just because the kami smile on you in the end."

"Yuno," Hazō said, aghast, "are you saying I should have let Orochimaru take me?"

"It was your right," Yuno said. "Mari took that from you. You would never have thrown your sister to the wolves to save yourself just because she was within reach, but Mari did, and told everyone that it was moral as long as her death wasn't guaranteed. Whatever choices she made after that, whatever risks she took, none of it changes the fact that Kei's life was not hers to give away.

"I can tell you disagree." She bowed her head. "You can punish me now."

Hazō didn't punish her.

But what did you say to someone who told you that you were worth dying for in one breath and then told you to die because it was the right thing to do in the next?

Huh.

Maybe he understood Kei a little better now.
 
Chapter 479: Science and Starlight

"Okay, fearless leader, what are we doing here?" Noburi demanded, covering a yawn as he spoke. "And why are we here barely past the buttcrack of dawn?" He waved vaguely towards the morning-orange sunbeams barely lumbering over the tree line. "I wanted to sleep late today."

"Morning, Nobs," Hazō said around the jaw-cracking yawn that Noburi's had induced. "'Buttcrack of dawn'? It's nine o'clock and I've been awake for three hours already, so I don't have a lot of sympathy. I talked to Asuma earlier about how the Gōketsu can best help, and he put me on Kagome-sensei training duty. Need to get him signed on as the Arachnid Summoner as soon as possible but you and the other summoners are more field-ready than I am so he doesn't want to spend your time on teaching. I'm also doing relay work for Cannai, checking in with Kumokōgō to make sure everything is okay with the Dragons and the Great Seal, and running clan stuff, so I've got absolutely no time. Still, there's a thing I've been wanting to do for ages so I figured I'd squeeze it in."

"Yeesh. That sounds intense, bro. Any way I can help?"

"Actually, yes. The clan is a social disaster right now. Kei won't even look at Mari, Yuno is angry at Mari for endangering Kei and at me for not throwing myself on the tag instead of letting Kei be endangered, Haru—"

"Hang on, what was that about Yuno?"

"She thinks I should have sacrificed myself to Orochimaru instead of letting Mari distract him with Kei. I'm not sure if she's lost respect for me or what, but it's definitely not good. Oh, and she was fully expecting me to punish her for speaking her mind, so that's fun."

"Uh..."

"Yeah. Anyway, I'm about done with this shit. Yes, what Mari did bothers me on an instinctive level. On a rational level I recognize that Mari was under field conditions with no time to think, but she still came up with a great plan that saved everyone. And she put herself in harm's way in order to keep the rest of us safe. Are there other things she could have done? Sure. Would those things have worked? Who knows. If Mari had offered any of her own techniques or knowledge—Truth Lost in the Fog or whatever—then Orochimaru would have had both of us standing right there in front of him, so why wouldn't he take both? Could she have lied straight to Orochimaru's face and completely made something up? Not the way to bet, and I trust the infiltrator jōnin to know whether she could pull it off.

"Kei and Yuno are having lots of fun playing after-action commander, tearing Mari down with all these ideas that they are coming up with under calm conditions with plenty of time to think. Of course, they don't come up with the things that we could have done, like reverse summon to the Seventh Path for a couple of days while you and Shikamaru went to Asuma and asked him to field-deploy Orochimaru. No, it's only the things that Mari should have sacrificed, or that I should have sacrificed. And, of course, I can't say that to either of them because it will just make things worse."

He shook his head tiredly. "Honestly, Noburi? Your wife is beautiful, and an incredible fighter, and has tremendous integrity, and I'm glad she's here because she makes you happy. That said, there are times when she and Kei are just infuriating."

Noburi chuckled. "Of course I do not share these sentiments, because I recognize that my wife and sister are both perfect in every way. That said, I can understand how you might have those feelings."

"Suck up."

"Survivor. Anyway, what do you want me to do?"

"Whatever you can to keep things calm. If you can find a way to put the eggs back together, do it. Otherwise, keep things from getting any worse."

"You got it, boss man. Now, what are we doing here today?"

"Right, sorry. This won't take but a few minutes. For a long time, I've been wanting to do some research into chakra quantization. I feel like it's something we should be able to measure and I want to take a shot at that."

"Measure chakra? Hazō, chakra isn't like water. You can't pour it into a mug to see how much you've got."

"Just go with me on this, okay?"

Noburi shrugged. "Whatever, boss. What can I do?"

"I've already dumped my reserves doing Substitutions. I came here as soon as I woke up, when my reserves were pretty much full, and I was able to do it sixteen times. I want to refill and try that a couple more times, then try doing the same with Multiple Earth Wall."

"Why? You've already done the Substitutions thing, why do you need to do it again?"

"Maybe it will be different this time. Seals are like that—the phase of the moon is relevant when you're making storage seals, so if you do something on Monday it might not work on Wednesday. Jutsu might be the same."

"Seems dopey but then again it's you. Here you go."

"Thanks." Hazō took the proffered cup of chakra water and glugged it down, feeling the inner roar of chakra surging back into his channels. "Okay, here we go." He flickered away, bouncing around the field as he swapped back and forth between the various logs and boulders that he had placed around.

"Seventeen," he said, collapsing to all fours on the frozen ground, retching as his body protested against the demands on his suddenly-emptied coils.

"I counted eighteen," Noburi said.

Hazō moaned and let his head hang in despair for a moment, then looked up. "Are you serious or are you screwing with me?"

"Serious. I would never."

"Uh-huh. Okay, let's try it again."

Hazō drank once more and then repeated the exercise.

"Nineteen? Nineteen?! What the fuck?!"

"Hey, I told you that chakra wasn't something you can measure."

Hazō sighed. "Fine, whatever. Let's try it with MEW. I'm going to do the smallest one I can, at normal speed instead of combat speed, and I'm going to conjure them on top of those logs so that they're chakra constructs." His fingers twitched as he wrote those words into the air. He would use the Iron Nerve to replay them onto paper once he got back to the estate.

"Think you could do it quick like?" Noburi demanded, amused. "I didn't eat yet."

"Yeah, yeah." He flexed his fingers, shaking them a bit to get the blood moving so that they wouldn't be too stiff to form handseals, and then flicked through the technique until the trickles of chakra left in his coils were not enough to continue.

"Ten times," Noburi noted.

"Yeah, and I'm not as utterly flattened as I was with Substitutions. Okay, one more refill and let's try that again."

"You know you're burning through my supply, right? Much more and I'll have to post some refill missions if I want to do anything today, and that's half my day gone." Despite the protestations, he held out a cup full of water brimming with chakra. "Also, you're getting close to what Tsunade decided is the safe limit on how much of this you can drink in a day. Two more and you're done."

"Will do. Thanks." He drank the water and promptly dumped all the chakra it provided him into conjuring masses of granite that rose up from nowhere, fell over because the logs they had been cast atop were not stable enough to support them, and disappeared half a minute later. "Nine times. Damnit, why can't things be consistent?"

"The universe hates you? Here, drink up so you aren't more useless than usual, then let's go get some food."

o-o-o-o​

"Hazō? What are we doing here?" Ino asked. She looked to Akane for an answer but the green-clad girl shrugged in amusement.

"Hm?" Hazō said, from where he was shuffling through storage seals. "Oh, right. I was realizing that there is a special thing that I've done with Akane but I've never done with you, and I thought it was time you had the chance to enjoy it too."

Ino's expression became guarded. "Oh?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, I've had a lot of practice and I'm good at it. You'll love it. Akane, I thought it would be even better if you were with us. I'm sure you'll love the expression on Ino's face when it happens. And this time I remembered to bring a couple mattresses so we'll all be comfortable."

Akane, Deceit: 8 - 6 (dice) = 2
Ino, Deceit: Beats that, even if she rolls -12.


Akane was trying desperately to keep her face serious so as not to ruin the joke. Sadly, the Junior Goddess of Youth was terrible at lying, or even at pretending.

"Akane," Ino said. "What is he talking about and are my clan elders going to get mad at me for it?"

"It depends," Akane said. "Do the Yamanaka put a strong priority on chastity?"

"Akane." Ino's voice was sharper now, but there was a trace of amusement layered in with the uncertainty.

"We're going for a sunset picnic, honey," Hazō said, grinning. "No hanky-panky."

One blonde eyebrow rose in scathing rebuke. "A picnic? Here?" She looked around the random chunk of muddy ground near the north end of the Gōketsu estate. "Not to be a bitch, but couldn't you find someplace a little more romantic?"

"Wait for it," Akane said, moving forward to help Hazō with the skytower platform elements that he had had finally produced from the relevant storage seal.

With three of them working together it was easy enough to stair-step the two platforms up into the sky. The routine was familiar, straight out of the Leaf Advanced Ninja Tactics handbook, Ninety-Third Edition:

  • Remove skytower components from storage seal. Contents to include:
    • Frame elements, wooden, (4), labeled Fa1-4
    • Frame elements, wooden, (4), labeled Fb1-4
    • Pins for attaching frame elements, wooden, (8)
    • Ninja wire, coil, 50', (2), labeled C1 and C2
    • Ropes, 3', clips on both ends, (4)
    • Camouflage blanket, (1), wrapping other items for storage
  • Arrange contents neatly on ground and verify that you have a complete set of elements. Fa1 (top left element) and Fa4 (bottom right element) should have a tab extending from two sides. Fa2 (top right element) and Fa3 (bottom left element) should have corresponding slots
  • Connect frame elements Fa1-4 by sliding tabs on elements Fa1 and Fa4 into corresponding vertical slots on elements Fa2 and Fa3. The result should be a square wooden grid 10' per side consisting of 20 rows of 20 posts 1" diameter with connecting rods for rigidity
  • Combine frame elements Fb1-4 in the same way
  • Ensure that all tabs are firmly seated and both grids are stable
  • Insert wooden pins through holes in slots to prevent tabs from lifting out
  • Thread C1 (ninja wire, coil, 50') through the holes in the posts of the Fa grid starting from the top left corner, moving to the right, then down and left through the second row of posts.
  • ...


The protocol went on for three more pages but in essence it was simple: Assemble two lifter platforms, each one a wooden grid with a continuous piece of ninja wire looped through it. To each lifter platform, attach the central seal of a Five Seal Barrier to the wire and the four support seals to the frame, ensuring that they were not in contact with the wire, since the Five Seal Barrier would not activate if a support seal was on the same object as the central seal.

With the lifter platforms ready, raise the first one overhead and activate the Five Seal Barrier, thereby freezing the platform in space. Climb atop the platform and freeze the second lifter platform just above it, attaching the two with ropes. Climb onto the upper lifter platform, reach down and deactivate the seal on the first one so that it swung freely. Pull it up, freeze it in place above the one you are standing on, climb atop it, and repeat this procedure until you are arbitrarily high in the sky, unsupported by anything that an enemy might spot or sabotage, with no trace left on the ground below of where you went. It was the perfect way to evade enemy pursuit when skywalkers were unavailable. It also made for an excellent military logistics and intelligence gathering post.

Or, in this case, a lovely picnic spot.

Ino had been up skytowers during practice, as had every chūnin and jōnin in Leaf and even some genin. During practice the instructors typically took their charges through five or six repetitions of the "raise the next platform, climb up, pull the previous one up" cycle, meaning that the people atop the platform only ever got twenty or thirty feet up. That was very much not how Team Uplift rolled.

"I gather they're working on a new system," Hazō said as they climbed. "The lifter platforms will be bolted together with these rotating beams, so instead of having to haul them up manually you can just turn a wheel to spin the bottom one up above you, then you lock the top one, unlock the bottom one, climb up the support poles, and continue."

"I heard about that," Akane said. "They're testing to see if it's actually faster, or at least less tiring for the users." She was lying on her back, her feet chakra-locked to the platform she was on even as she did an extreme backbend to reach down to the prior platform. She chakra-adhered her hands to it, unlocked the central seal, and flipped the entire thing up with a casual demonstration of inhuman core strength. "Personally, I'm not sure what people find so tiring about this."

Hazō laughed, first at Akane's words and then at Ino's expression. "Sweetie, I think you sometimes forget that things have weight."

"You do that deliberately, don't you?" Ino demanded, lips twisted in amusement.

Akane looked up with a frown. "Do what?" Sadly, her deception skills had gotten no better since they left the ground, and thus her attempt at a look of puzzled innocence failed.

"Hah! I knew it! You're showing off!"

"Perhaps a little," Akane admitted, grinning. "Although I might comment that your appearance is unusually youthful tonight."

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean."

"Oh? So the few delicate wisps artfully escaping from your elegant French twist hair style in ways that beautifully frame your face...that's just an accident?"

Ino touched her hair self-consciously. "This old thing? Oh, I just put it up to get it out of the way."

"And the subtle traces of kohl above your eyes, and the encarminement of your lips?"

"I deny everything. Also, 'encarminement'? Who are you and what have you done with Akane?"

Hazō, until now watching in silent amusement at the byplay, chuckled. "It's one of Mari's favorite words when she's being silly and overdramatic. It means 'made red', because 'carmine' is—"

"I know what it means, you goof," Ino said, poking him lightly and sticking out her tongue.

Hazō moved with ninja speed, one hand coming up from below to tap a finger on Ino's tongue before she could pull it back. The heiress eeped and jerked away, then glared at him reproachfully while her two sweethearts laughed.

"You're mean," Ino said, turning away and putting her nose in the air.

Hazō looped his arms around her from behind and kissed the side of her neck. "Your forgiveness I pray, most noble of ladies. However may I atone?"

Ino made a pleased-kitty noise and rubbed her shoulders back into him. "You could do that again."

Hazō obliged, this time kissing the other side before giving her a gentle nibble and standing up. Ino grumbled her displeasure at the departure of her warm backrest.

"Hold that thought," Hazō said. "We aren't high enough yet and we don't have much time."

Ino looked over the edge, then up at her partners in disbelief. "We're not high enough? Are you kidding? I can see halfway across Leaf!"

"I know!" Hazō said. "Not nearly high enough! Come on, help us."

"It's worth it, I promise," Akane told her, smiling.

o-o-o-o​

"Okay, this is worth it," Ino admitted.

They were half a mile in the air and Leaf was a far-off dollhouse below them. More importantly, the sun was a burnt umber fingernail on the horizon, the last of its rays about to vanish. The three sweethearts were lying atop a pair of mattresses and underneath a pile of blankets heavy enough to crush eggs. All three of them were propped up on their elbows, blankets tucked in tight around them so only their faces were exposed as they watched the sun set and the night reclaim the earth. Hazō was in the middle, Ino and Akane pressed tight against his sides both for contact and for body heat in the frozen air.

Hazō was barely aware of the sunset. All he could think about was the feel of Ino's right hand in his left and Akane's left in his right. In fact, not just their hands. Their shoulders and hips pressed in on him and both of them had put their freezing-cold feet on his toasty-warm calves in an effort to siphon all his body heat away. It was absolutely worth it. Oh, and Ino's hair was tickling his nose.

He tried to puff the hair away but succeeded only in blowing straight into Ino's ear and drawing a startled yelp.

"What was that?!"

"Sorry," he said, smiling in amusement at her outraged expression. "Your hair was tickling my nose." He let go of both of their hands so that he could rub the itch away on the back of his forearm, then roll onto his back and arrange his pillow for better neck support. Akane curled up next to him, her head on his chest, and it was the easiest thing in the world to slide an arm under her neck and around her shoulders. She made a happy noise at the contact and he stroked her arm in reply.

Ino had gotten over her very minor snit and, after a moment of arranging blankets for minimized heat escape and pillow for maximized comfort, she followed Akane's example and cuddled up to Hazō on his other side. Unlike Akane, she did not simply wait to be arm-circled; she picked his arm up and draped it around herself before settling down. Hazō chuckled and squeezed her close for a moment.

"This is nice," Ino said quietly. "When I'm at home at night, I'm always inside practicing or doing clan paperwork. I forget to look at the stars."

"Same, although not the paperwork part," Akane replied, her eyes locked on the heavens. "There are so many."

"Kagome-sensei says that they are lanterns, hung by the kami so that we may guard our loved ones through the night."

Ino's smile was a complex thing...admiration, a step-removed affection, and a soupçon of sadness. "That sounds like him, yes. He's an interesting guy."

Akane and Hazō both chuckled. "You have no idea," Hazō said. "Have you seen the dances?"

Ino shuddered. "My eyes! My delicate eyes! They buuuurrrrnnnn!"

Hazō bapped her on the bicep lightly with his fingertips. "Be nice. That's my teacher you're talking about."

Ino laughed quietly. "I regret nothing."

"It occurs to me," Akane mused, "that standard procedure states operatives are not to attempt descent from a skytower at night."

"Oh dear," Ino said. "I suppose we have no choice but to stay the night up here in the freezing cold. However shall we survive? I suppose we shall have no choice but to huddle for warmth. Hazō, you are a terrible person for not anticipating this problem and stranding us all up here."

"I regret nothing," Hazō said happily, pressing a kiss to Akane's temple and then turning to give a similar one to Ino.





Author's Notes: The plan called for you to have Kei and Noburi try to schmooze the Leopard and Rat representatives with an eye towards getting a location on their Scrolls. Sadly, Leopard and Rat are not attending the Conclave.

This update covered about 24 hours. The kids will sleep on the skytower and wake with the dawn.

XP AWARD: 3

Brevity XP: 1

"GM had fun" XP: 2

  • +1 for scene: Chakra measurements
  • +1 for scene: Smooching on the skytower


Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, December 1, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
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Chapter 480, Part 1: Commitment

Today was a special day for Kei. Perhaps the most special of them all, insofar as she could not remember meeting Ami, and insofar as the life-changing experience that was Team Uplift had taken place over months and years, not to be pinned down to a single grand event. They had slain a chakra alligator; they had called each other by first name; they had saved each other's lives, and celebrated each other's birthdays, and given true names to their bonds, and been entered into Leaf's register as Gōketsu together, and Kei would hold every one of those moments close in her heart—but they were not Team Uplift, only its evolution.

Kei had already had her wedding. She would, in all likelihood, never have another. She had never given her heart to Shikamaru, and never would. His effusive thanks for that fact, after her months of desperately attempting to warp herself, were burned into her memory. Yet she… loved him nonetheless, as the best friend whose intellectual intimacy was a kind of joy unknown to the literature. Even then, that wedding had been a shadow of today.

It would be shallow to consider this merely a celebration of romantic love. It was the culmination of Kei's agency. She had not chosen to fall in love with Tenten; the literature was correct, at least, when it described romantic love as a force beyond any mortal's power to predict or control. Yet every step after that, every hand hesitantly reached out, every whisper of surrender and every gift of strength, every disaster overcome in spite of everything she was, was her. More than the Frozen Skein. More than the timid, helpless creature that her past and her own weakness had made of her. Choice after choice after choice had built a relationship that had miraculously survived—dare she say it, flourished—until today could write it into law.

Just as much, it was a celebration of Tenten, more than the pillar of inner strength and clarity like which she first appeared. Tenten, whose past relationships had been with a pack of clowns who accepted her despite her limitations—with warmth, yes, and affection, but still in spite of who she was. Kei was in love with the silence, with the rich, steadily less foreign language inseparable from Tenten's every action. She was in love with Tenten's trust, with the courage and fragility of a girl betrayed not by humanity like Kei but by the world itself. She was in love with playfulness so subtle it made Kei's deadpan seem like a crude imitation, with single-minded resolve pointed at anything that mattered like a kunai seeking an enemy's heart, and with the soft blush of embarrassment even when they were alone and nothing existed but each other. Tenten, forever herself, had earned today as much as Kei.

And Snowflake… in all the world, only Kei could begin to understand what today meant to Snowflake.

They had designed the ceremony together. Like all the best things in life, the Commitment Ceremony was a modular structure, allowing for extensive customisation in every separate instance as long as key guidelines were followed and no element of Leaf-permitted kami appeasement or other consecration ritual was omitted. While the secular ceremony very deliberately made no reference to the Will of Fire or associated religious elements, standard precautions like the goldfish sacrifice and the nibbling of the rod were merely common sense for anyone affirming a lifelong bond. (Alas, once again Kei would be deprived of the shark.)

In accordance with certain suggestions made by Ami (whose absence was the one thing that rendered today less than perfect), they had completed the mandatory ritual elements in the first half of the ceremony, and now all the guests were seated on benches in the broad indoor space of the Five Flowers Hall. Overhead, the Chandeliers of Prosperity burned brightly, their dancing flames warding away the spirits of deprivation that preyed on improperly-conducted transactions. At the far end of the hall, the Lectern of Timely Wisdom was occupied by a grinning Anko, who had promised to behave, just this once, in exchange for a show to remember. At the other end, mighty double doors were closed but not barred, as that would not have served the ceremony, and the Sigil of Offering was drawn across them in beeswax to feed the hungry ghosts before they could take an interest in the love being given freely inside.

Seated on the left side, Hazō, Noburi, Akane, Kagome, Yuno, and the requested painted effigy of Ami waited. It cut into Kei to see Akane and Kagome sitting further apart than the others, as if unconsciously making room for someone who was not there. Kei and Mari had fought the night before her wedding, if crushing domination could be called a fight, and on the day, a trace of that darkness had remained in Mari's eyes. Today, she had been asked to absent herself altogether.

She was no one now, Kei reminded herself. The longing was a lie.

Trivial. Unimportant. Irrelevant. Tenten, radiant before her, deserved all of Kei's attention and more. The cherry-red cheongsam, evocative of their first date but with gold tracery that spoke of greater confidence, was a perfect counter-match for Kei's own frost-blue dress (of course there were snowflake designs; why had the tailor even asked?). Close-fitting in all the right areas and flowing smoothly elsewhere, it made Tenten enough of a distraction that a less sanguine person might have struggled to care about anything else. Snowflake, meanwhile, had chosen white, with more lace than could possibly be healthy for one person, and an elaborate blue ribbon that matched Kei's own theme (in Isan, it evoked the image of a flower opening on its first spring, but to Kei the arrangement looked unmistakeably like a pair of kitty ears).

"Let's get ready to rumble, girls and girls!" Anko exclaimed from her position leaning alarmingly far over the lectern, deviating from the script violently but within tolerable limits (much like her outfit, a royal purple only a clan ninja could afford, with enough breast and leg on display that Tenten had needed a minute to recover).

"Innn the left cornerrr, it's the Dauntless, the Icy Maiden, Lady Nara Kei who just legally changed her name, buggered if I know why—an experience these three girls sadly won't get to share unless they take my advice and diversify—and who holds half of Leaf in her iron grip when she's not holding lover after lover!"

Kei could feel herself turn crimson. Why had Ami, whose sworn duty it had been to restrain or at least redirect Anko, had to disappear at the last moment? Or, she shuddered to think, did the effigy with the ^_^ mask imply that this was all just as planned?

"Lady Nara Kei, what do you have to say to your beloveds and to the fine men and women who froze their asses off to get here on time and are now expecting to be warmed up with some hot, hot love?"

Kei forced herself to relax. Deep breaths. It was only Anko. The humiliation was temporary. The bonds to be affirmed here were permanent. The revenge, when it came, would be delicious.

"Tenten," Kei began, allowing everything else to fade out of existence as insignificant. "I have always been an outsider. To the Mori, with my inability to socialise like a normal person. To humanity, as a bearer of the Frozen Skein which walls me off from thinking how others think. To Leaf, as a stranger from a strange land. I have been fortunate beyond words to find, despite my alienness, love and acceptance from those who are now the Gōketsu.

"You gave me more. To you, I was not Kei the former Mori, to be loved despite my many foibles. I was not family forged in the fires of battle, where in a counterfactual world anybody could have taken my place and been similarly blessed. I was simply me, and that was enough for you to make me special.

"You chose me, freely, without concern for anything but me. You did not change how you treated me when I went from being a dubious missing-nin to briefly being Leaf's princess, or even when I became another's wife. You never asked about my circumstances, except out of concern or in an effort to understand me better. You were patient when I spoke too much, which is always, when I was unable to perceive or understand your feelings, when I was unable to give you what any other could, or when I failed to balance my commitments and give you the attention you deserved.

"You taught me things I was incapable of learning without you. You taught me that silence was also communication. You taught me that intuition and insight possessed equal power to intellectual analysis, if cultivated, and that each was capable of what seemed like miracles to the other. You taught me a language of emotion that I have only just begun to speak. And, of course, you taught me passion. I never knew someone like me was capable of loving people as much as I love you.

"Tenten, I offer you my love as the aegis of the Advocate. Accept it, and it will be a shield against the darkness of the world. I swear that as your Advocate, I will protect you with all the power and authority at my command. As Nara, I will offer wisdom to guide your steps. As Gōketsu, I will obliterate the barriers that stand between you and happiness. As the Pangolin Summoner, I will make war upon your foes. As KEI, I will nourish you and your potential. If everything I have and everything I am is still not enough, then I shall take more and become more until I am the Advocate you deserve."

Tenten watched her silently. In the still depths of her amber eyes, there was only focus and control, and Kei knew that this was because, even deeper, there lay a storm that would consume both of them if given half a chance.

Kei savoured the confusion of all present as they watched her turn to Snowflake. Anko, who would have asked untimely questions, had been bribed extensively to keep her mouth shut and her mind on the job, if only for a few minutes.

"Snowflake, you are an impossible blessing and an impossible gift. Closer than a lover and closer than a sister, all the dictionaries I have swallowed do not contain a word to describe the bond you and I share. Every exchange between us, whether affectionate or aggressive, is special to me, and nothing excites me more than to see who you will become. I am honoured that my self is the seed from which you grow.

"Snowflake, I offer you my love as the aegis of the Advocate. Accept it, and it will be a key to set you free. I swear that as your Advocate, I will protect you with all the power and authority at my command. I will safeguard your agency, and cast down those who would deny it. I will offer you a place of safety in this world—not oblivion, but home. I will cut open a path to whatever future you seek, if that is your wish. I will witness your humanity, and allow none to reject it."

The promise had been composed this morning, to avoid Snowflake knowing it in advance, and that of course meant it would be ill-considered and rife with imperfection. Nevertheless, there were some things only Kei could say.

Was it time yet? No, too soon. Kei was no Ami when it came to mental timers, but even the shadow of the divine would be enough today. Yes, everything should come together nicely, assuming her buffers had been sufficiently well-judged.

"Well," Anko drawled, "that sure was a thing. But let's skip casually over the WTF and move to the rrrright cornerrr, where we find Lady Non-Lethal, the Princess of Penetration, the dread weaponmistress Tenten herself. Will she break her vow of silence for us, or is she saving it all for her not-wedding night?"

Yes, Kei decided as her ears caught fire, her revenge would be thorough and excruciating in its detail. Perhaps she could ask Hazō to design some custom seals. Or, alternatively, she might eschew elaborate schemes and just inform Yuno that Anko had spent more than two seconds gazing at Noburi. The luxury of choice was so fascinating that she nearly missed it when Tenten began to speak.

It was a rare pleasure to hear Tenten say more than a sentence at a time outside practice hours. Today, her voice was even, soft, and precise, though she paused at the end of every sentence as if to lock the next one in before anxiety or second-guessing could delete it. Kei understood that Shiori had helped her rehearse.

"I am an outsider." Tenten paused briefly. "I am also an outsider. I had to learn my humanity, and I wasn't good at it. I am still not. I don't know how to say the things people want to hear. I tried hard to express myself, and when I couldn't satisfy them, I gave up. You never gave up, even when it hurt. I love that part of you.

"You are a genius. You must have seen straight away how flawed I was. How I was someone who could only stand and watch while you drew castles in the air with your words. I thought you would shrug and move on, and it would end there like it always did.

"You stayed. You saw that behind my inability, there was a person. You believed in me. That would have been enough of a miracle. But then you fell in love. I did not know what there was to fall in love with. But I needed you. I couldn't live without you. I had to give up on giving up. I had to be a person who could be with people.

"I am learning. Slowly. Who I can be. Maybe who I always could have been. Everywhere I turn, there is darkness, because before I did not know there could be light.

"You are my light, Kei. I have a future because of you. Not as a ninja. As Tenten. I can grow up because of you.

"Everything I am is yours. If you will be my Advocate, accept me as your Companion. I will be with you on your journey. No matter where. No matter when. I will be your strength when you are weak. I will be your peace when you are suffering. I will be your hope when you are empty. One day, I will be your light as you are mine."

Kei found, to her surprise and consternation, that the Five Flowers Hall had grown blurred. She could hardly eliminate this many witnesses to her tears. Then again, of those close enough to see, Tenten and Snowflake would understand, and Anko was already on her kill list. Now if she could only do something about this piercing bittersweet feeling in her chest…

Snowflake stepped forward slightly, limiting the lines of sight to Kei.

"Innnn the middle cornerrr..." Anko began.

"No, wait." She frowned, looking down at her wrist. "How does that even...? Maybe if you... no, if it's an irregular...

"Ah, screw it. Snowflake, do your thing."

Snowflake addressed the guests.

"For those of you whom I have not already met, my name is Snowflake. I am not a Nara social experiment or Kei playing pretend. I am what happens when a ninjutsu and a Bloodline Limit that were never meant to cross paths collide and cancel each other out. Despite the metaphysical connections, I am my own being, with my own memories and my own personality… and I stand here, as part of this ceremony, of my own free will."

She turned to Kei.

"I am not yet what I need to be, Kei. We are still so close that I cannot meaningfully offer to step closer. I… I love you, but it is not the love of an adult, born of agency and maturity. It is the default. It is the nameless bond we share, happy but non-consensual."

Snowflake took a very slow, deep breath.

"I accept you as my Advocate, and offer you my Companionship. I will always understand you like no other. I will always be your ally, no matter what comes. One day, when our paths have diverged enough, I will be able to love you as a real person."

Kei wiped her eyes with her sleeve as she took in the words. It was undignified, and drew people's attention to her feelings, but the time had come for clarity. There would be no second chance.

"Does anybody challenge this transaction?" Anko demanded in a roar that seemed like it made the entire building shake. Kei mentally awarded her a couple of points, bringing the total to -998.

SLAM.

The heavy double doors flew open.

"I do!"



-o-​

Continued tomorrow.
 
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Chapter 480, Part 2: The Aegis of the Advocate

"Does anybody challenge this transaction?" Anko demanded in a roar that seemed like it made the entire building shake. Kei mentally awarded her a couple of points, bringing the total to -998.

SLAM.

The heavy double doors flew open.

"I do!"

Six figures in ominous black garb were silhouetted dramatically against the blizzard outside before they strode into the building. Five took up position across the entrance as if to cut off retreat, while the sixth took a step forward. Winter boots scattered snow across the clean floor.

The metal filaments running through Lord Hagoromo's beard glinted malevolently in the candlelight as he studied the hall. A satisfied smile made its way onto his face as he thrust his hand forward, allowing a scroll to unfurl from it nearly to the floor.

"In accordance with ancient rights given to the Hagoromo in the Founding Laws, I, Hagoromo Ritsuo, hereby suspend this unverified religious ceremony on suspicion of heresy. You may think the law is your personal plaything to abuse, Lady Nara, but even the likes of you aren't beyond our ancestors' foresight!"

"Heresy?" Kei invited him to elaborate. Behind her, she could feel Anko's grin expand to fill all available space.

"Heresy most foul," Lord Hagoromo confirmed. "As religious advisors to every Hokage, starting with the first, the heads of the Hagoromo Clan are entitled to inspect any religious ritual for signs of heresy, whether accidental through impious failure to study the proper rites or wilful as a betrayal of the Will of Fire. And why, I can already see signs that this so-called commitment ceremony of yours is rife with violations of the basic principles of Fire Country worship. Before the day is done, I will have it declared invalid, and petition the Hokage to revise the Concubine Laws such that they can in good faith be administered by the Hagoromo, as that is clearly the only way to protect future participants from being exposed to heresy at amateur hands.

"Honestly, Lady Nara," he added smugly, "you make it far too easy for me. Three participants, and one of them your own shadow clone? It is as if a man preparing for divorce were to spy on his wife to find proof of her unfaithfulness, only to see that instead of a paramour she was rutting with animals and civilians."

Behind Kei, Anko's grin disappeared. No matter; she would fix that shortly.

"Should I infer from this," Kei asked mildly, "that you are accusing myself and all others present at this ceremony of heresy?"

Lord Hagoromo's eyes scanned over the room, seeing Anko glaring from behind the lectern and the Gōketsu sitting on the benches. "I most certainly am," he said with poorly-concealed glee. "Dispel your clone and come quietly, and perhaps I will appeal for leniency in light of your barbarian origins."

"That is certainly an option," Kei agreed, casually biting her thumb. "Summoning Technique: Panchipāma, Pangaya." She took a swig from the flask at her hip. "Summoning Technique: Pandā, Panjandrum."

"Summoning Technique: Candoru, Canun."

"Summoning Technique: Gamatatakai, Gamasēji."

"Summoning Technique: Kamangetsamu, Kaminari."

"Eh. Summoning Technique: Nameruna."

"Noble summon allies," Kei continued, "we have been invaded by impostors claiming to be members of the Hagoromo Clan. Please stand ready to restrain them should they draw weapons or otherwise act in a hostile fashion."

Lord Hagoromo's eyes bulged as eleven Seventh Path warriors, the shortest coming up to his waist and the tallest stooping to avoid the chandeliers, surrounded his party in a tight circle. "This is an outrage! Threatening a clan head with deadly violence? I will see you executed for this, you treasonous little upstart!"

"What clan head?" Kei asked innocently. "Surely you do not mean to imply that it was Lord Hagoromo himself who stormed in here and levied accusations of heresy against"—she beckoned the guests who had been seated around the edges of the room, out of sight of the door, to take their original places near the centre—"the heads of the Nara, Yamanaka, Gōketsu, Senju, and Uzumaki Clans, the heir of the Hyūga Clan, the Pangolin, Toad, Dog, Turtle, and Slug Summoners, all three of the KEI coordinators, and even the Very High Priest of the Church of Youth? With my barbarian origins, I am far too ignorant to conceive of what that would mean for the Hagoromo's future."

There was a chill silence as Lord Hagoromo considered his options in the face of Naruto's diabolical grin, Tsunade's "Were you really about to try to ruin a wedding for me again, boy?" expression, Shikamaru making a show of leafing through a book of law, and Hanabi giving a friendly wave so suffused with subtle malice that it filled Kei's heart with pride. Anko's contribution was to bring out a bowl of honeyed nuts.

"It is a pleasure to be so clearly understood, mysterious impostor," Kei said before he could decide on a response. "I should also mention that the Commitment Ceremony is, legally speaking, a secular transaction underpinned by the principles of alliance negotiations and validated by the Hokage's Office. It is orthogonal to any religious issues, including worship of the Will of Fire, and any accusation of heresy is thus inherently a punishable act of slander."

Lord Hagoromo's glare could have melted steel.

"As for Snowflake, my shadow clone…"

She glanced sideways at Snowflake, who nodded.

"Several weeks ago," Kei said, "Special Liaison Pandā of the Holy Pangolin Empire's Diplomatic Corps"—she indicated the little pangolin—"found himself wishing to personally engage in financial transactions with merchants of the Human Path. Naturally afraid of being cheated by the notoriously treacherous humans, and aware that as a non-human he would have no legal recourse in the event, he headed to the Tower in the company of a helpful Nara lawyer. As it happens, the Tower bureaucrats were not prepared to set a global precedent that Leaf refuses to defend its summon allies from Human Path abuse. Pandā is now formally registered in Leaf as a foreign legal entity, with myself as a sponsor with full legal responsibility for his actions. A much more palatable precedent for all concerned.

"Snowflake, whose nature as an independent being you would be aware of if you had bothered to gather intelligence on your target—though I recognise that intelligence is not your strong suit—is functionally identical to a summon, being a unique sapient mind contained in a chakra shell during its intermittent appearances on the Human Path. As of the conclusion of this ceremony, she will have entered a binding legal agreement with a Leaf citizen under the Hokage's seal, and will therefore be formally recognised as a legal entity, also with myself as a sponsor."

A few of the guests took breaks from smirking or glaring at Lord Hagoromo to stare at her in bogglement. Snowflake, despite having known the plan all along, seemed like she barely dared to breathe.

"Needless to say, being an analogue of alliance rather than marriage, there is no legal reason for what has come to be known as the companionship bond to be limited to two persons. Strictly speaking, there is no requirement of romance either, although I suppose the same could be said of marriage. The best structures are those that are most flexible, a concept I am aware is beyond you."

Kei took a few steps down from the ceremonial dais, towards Lord Hagoromo.

"None surpass the Nara in matters of law, nor the Gōketsu in going pretty damn far for their family. More than the power to stop us, you lack the imagination."

She stepped closer, and the summons parted just enough to leave a clear line of sight.

"On this special day, I ask our honoured guests to refrain from vengeance for accusations made by some inconsequential man with delusions of grandeur. This is the only mercy you will receive. Threaten me or those in my care again, and I swear before the powers assembled here that I will make you beg in dogeza for your clan's survival, and perhaps I will merely shatter it and remake it to my own taste in light of its historical services to Leaf.

"Now get out of my sight, you feeble relic of a dying age of bigotry."

Lord Hagoromo looked at the eleven summons, then at the ten chūnin, one chūnin by metaphysical extension, three special jōnin, one effigy of chaos, and two demigods.

His clansmen pulled the double doors open. He got out of her sight.

-o-​

"Kei, honey, I love you," Anko told her the second she was done giggling maniacally. "I'd marry you if I wasn't confused as hell about what that meant right now."

Was it too late to seek sanctuary in Orochimaru's Basement?

No, wait, rumoured former apprentice. It would have to be the kill list after all.

For now, though, Anko could live a little longer, for it was time. The guests were arrayed in their proper places: on the left, Kei and Snowflake's side, the Gōketsu were joined by Shikamaru, Shiori, Naruto, Ino, and Hanabi. On the right, Hyūga and Rock Lee found themselves overshadowed by Tsunade, who had no connection to Tenten whatsoever, but simply wanted the extra space to herself. (After Tsunade had saved her life, it would have been the act of an ingrate not to invite her to a wedding-adjacent ceremony, and besides, it had made Lord Hagoromo's horror all the sweeter.)

"Does anybody who is less of a dick challenge this transaction?" Anko asked.

"No? What about anybody who is more of a dick?"

"Not possible!" Naruto called out.

"Damn straight."

Anko reached into the cavity inside the lectern and extracted three certificates bearing the Hokage's seal.

"All right, girls and girls, stamp your seals in the bottom right—in triplicate, just like true love is meant to be. Close together, now, or there won't be room for Snowflake's."

As a high-ranking Nara, after her wedding Kei had received a seal of traditional black onyx. Tenten's was simple wood, and she would not care enough to make a more expensive one a worthwhile gift. At the Gōketsu Clan's inception, Jiraiya had procured malachite seals for them all, for no better reason than the fact that it went with the clan colours; Hazō, who would sooner give up lists than discard an element of Jiraiya's legacy, had naturally spent a ghastly sum on another when told that Gōketsu Snowflake needed a formal way to sign her name.

Kei's seal was the heaviest object she had ever held. It contained her love, first hesitant and then overwhelming. It contained her bond with her diverging other self. It contained a defiance of law, society, and metaphysics, each of which she would remake when they stood between her and the future she dreamed of. It contained a trailblazer's promise to share her selfish happiness with all the others whose love was rejected because it was unconventional. When it struck parchment, she could feel the earth shift beneath her feet.

Once. Twice. Thrice.

"By the authority vested in me by the Hokage, what the hell was he thinking," Anko said solemnly, "I hereby pronounce you Advocate and Companion and Companion. You may—"

Tenten was quicker on the draw than Kei, which was just as well, since she was able to clap her hand over Anko's mouth where Kei would have been forced to exercise more extreme measures.

Instead, she pressed two fingers to her lips. Then to Tenten's. Then to Snowflake's.

She was, she told herself, not going to cry a third time. Snowflake was taking care of that quite nicely.

Then again, from an external perspective, that was indistinguishable from Kei crying. Clearly, she would have to murder Anko twice.

Behind them, a muted Anko made a series of urgent upward gestures at the audience, and after a second's delay, the hall burst into cheers. Noburi whooped. Hanabi waved her arms, breaking out of character in a fashion Kei would forgive just this once. Hyūga clapped for Tenten, while turned at a slight angle as if to pretend the Kei side of the event did not exist. Tsunade was looking at Kei and not scowling. Rock Lee was Rock Lee.

As Naruto deployed an entire clone chorus of celebration (she had asked him to refrain), Pandā gave mortifyingly inaccurate explanations of her love life to the other summons, Hazō pulled out some ominous object wrapped in spider web, and Shiori held Shikamaru back from sneaking towards the exit, Kei decided that, yes, today was the most special of them all.

-o-​

You have received 4 + 1 + 2 = 7 XP.

Fun-to-write XP awarded separately for each update because why not.

-o-​

What do you do?

Voting closes on Saturday 4th of December, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
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Chapter 481: With A Soaring Heart

The meditation chamber was silent aside from the faint whisper of Kagome-sensei turning pages in the book of summoning theory that Lady Tsunade had thrown at Hazō's head.

The silence was relaxing, a break from the scatter and flutter and hurtling of his daily existence as a Clan Head. The chance to sit with his teacher, answer questions as needed, and make explosives, a seal so reminiscent of nights on the run when there was nothing to worry about except horrific death that it was pure bliss.

"What's this word?" Kagome-sensei demanded, stabbing his finger at the page.

It took Hazō a moment to decipher Lady Tsunade's handwriting. "Apportementu. It's the process of passing through the opening of the aetheric channel."

"Hm. And what's this bit about xephtatic mentation?"

"Mental state is critical throughout the process, but especially during apportementu. As the portal is opening you need to maintain a mental state that balances opening as the primary ideation with creation and acceptance as the secondaries. Like all of this, the methodology needs to be personalized, so I can't simply give you a visual to cling to. It's got to feel right to you. Not just 'good enough', right. Start thinking about those three ideas. Come up with all the connecting concepts you can that work with each pair and with the triad, then try to combine those concepts in different ways until something clicks. When I finally got it, I felt the way I feel the first time I manage to make a new jutsu work. There's that instant where your body and mind and chakra all align, where a barrier disappears inside your head. It's like that 'aha!' moment of making a discovery in seal research. Take ten minutes and then we'll talk about what you came up with."

Kagome-sensei obediently closed his eyes and concentrated, lips moving silently as he tried different combinations of images and mantras.

Hazō went back to his seal scribing, allowing the Iron Nerve to produce his clan's signature problem-solving technique as his thoughts wandered.

Every seal was unique to every sealmaster. Oh, they were identical enough to be identified at a glance by anyone who already knew the pattern, but the precise details needed to be personalized to one's own chakra patterns. That was what seal research was, at base: Learning which amount and placement of feathering, pressure, and degree of curvature was required for one's chakra system to accept the blank as valid.

Hazō's pattern was beautiful, to him. Every seal was beautiful to its creator; one's chakra would not accept it otherwise. That put sharp limits on how Hazō's seal designs could be constructed, since lines could not cross unless the design permitted, and that made it tricky to connect disparate bits of a seal without crossing or using routes that did not have the smooth and elegant grace necessary for him to find them attractive.

He watched his hand independently scribe the one tricky part of his explosive design, a section where the brush had to pass between two already-drawn lines while remaining equidistant from them.

What would it be like to create the Great Seal, or some other three-dimensional seal? Line layout would be simpler, since you could go under and over existing lines. On the other hand, there would probably be more zones of interaction, so maybe that would balance out the layout benefits. One thing was for sure, there would be way more space for power intakes, smoothing, and focusing, all of which would likely lead to more powerful effects. Hazō didn't even want to imagine the amount of power that the Great Seal contained, especially not after performing his first and only experimental investigation.

One of the seals that Kagome-sensei had produced as part of their research on the rift was a repurposed version of the chakdar seal. It detected levels and fluctuations in ambient chakra—very, very subtle ones—and had a series of dots that would light up depending on what it sensed. It was fascinating to walk around with it and watch the interplay of the lights. They were tapped directly into the fundamental underpinnings of the universe, a pinhole window onto a level of reality that could be accessed in no other way. Unfortunately, the seal had a range of only a few inches and it was so fragile that it would stop working if chakra was actively manipulated anywhere within ten or twelve feet while the seal was active. Also, they were single-use and inordinately fiddly, meaning slow to produce.

Hazō had taken a handful of those devices to the Great Seal to investigate what was going on with it. After the usual sacrifice of a few dozen scorpions and hornets, he had managed to reach the base of the butte and use a combination of Tunnel Excavation to create a hidden tunnel upwards, followed by Earthshaping to make tiny openings to the surface so that he could reach through to emplace seals without exposing himself to view. The combination meant that he could reset the HOWS with less risk than he had faced until now. Of course, nothing about the Great Seal could pass by without weirdness, and this was no exception: the Tunnel Excavation had formed in a slight corkscrew pattern instead of the normal straight shaft, but the stone of the butte had been very hard to manipulate via Earthshaping. Still, he persevered and made the necessary passages. Once that was done and the HOWS emplaced, Hazō had brought out one of Kagone-sensei's chakroscope seals to see what the ambient chakra looked like.

It had instantly burst into flames.

The burst of light and smoke had attracted the attention of one of the Dragons and Hazō had needed to spend ten very tense minutes hiding inside the rock while the monsters sniffed and searched. Unable to find anything, they had breathed ravening flames across the surface of the stone, melting it into taffy that had congealed only slowly back into solidity. Once they eventually grumbled back to sleep, Hazō had retreated back down his tunnel and, once at the base of the butte, crept away until it was safe to unsummon himself. Perhaps he could have gone sooner instead of hiding in the stone of the butte, but after noticing the unpredictable effects of jutsu near the Seal, Hazō had decided to never summon or unsummon himself within a mile of the thing.

Anyway, the important part was simple: The Great Seal, and presumably any other three-dimensional seal carved from stone, could absorb and use vastly more power than a normal 2D paper seal. The Great Seal actually distorted the very fabric of reality around itself, allowing Hiding Like a Mole to travel through stone instead of only earth, causing Tunnel Excavations to appear in a corkscrew, and setting fire to detector seals. Great power, great risk. Just like all seals, except more so.

"Okay," Kagome-sensei said, opening his eyes. "I've got it."

Hazō pushed his wandering thoughts aside and leaned back to listen to his teacher.

o-o-o-o​

"Good afternoon, My Lord."

"Ugh."

"Difficult day, sir?"

Hazō leaned back in his chair, pressing hard on his forehead in a futile attempt to get rid of the pounding headache. "Yeah," he said. "I had breakfast with Lee."

"Oh dear."

"Yup. After three hours of innuendo and shouting about youth, it turns out that Youth and Uplift have very little in common. I think. Actually, I have no idea."

"Sir?"

Hazō dropped forward in his seat in frustration, accepting the headache as unavoidable. "He can't even define it! Exercise is youthful. Green spandex is youthful. Honesty and loyalty are youthful. Hard work is Youthful. These are all positive traits, sure, but they aren't coherent. There's no organizing principle."

Gaku reflected on that. "Perhaps something like 'good character', sir?"

"Sure, but what exactly does that mean? I punished Haru severely because he killed a bunch of yakuza in order to protect Gōketsu. Am I being unyouthful for punishing a clan mate who was acting in loyalty to his clan, or am I being youthful because punishing him disincentivizes other people from killing civilians?"

"I see your point, sir."

"Plus, it's entirely self-directed as far as I can tell. It's about how an individual should act in their daily lives, whereas Uplift is about the sort of society we want to construct."

"Those do seem rather divergent. Complementary, but divergent."

"I know, right? Anyway, file all that in my personal journals under 'failed experiments'. Moving on, what have you got for me?"

Gaku smiled. "I think I may be able to improve your day, sir."

"Oh?" Hope fluttered in his heart.

"After you sign these, of course." He plomped eight inches of forms on Hazō's desk.

The teenage Clan Head glared at his Chancellor with an only mostly lack of seriousness. "That was some serious bait and switch there, Gaku."

"I aim merely to serve, My Lord. I will say, however, that I am confident you will enjoy the results after we get through all this." He glanced at the water clock in the corner. "Provided we can do that in the next hour. I'm afraid that if we aren't there by one then it will have to wait until tomorrow."

Hazō sighed and raised his brush, skimming quickly through the first item on the stack. It was the monthly assessment for food expenses, meal plans, and gastronomic health issues throughout the clan. There was an acceptable number of usages of the words 'grease fire', 'twisted belly', and 'the runs', so he signed off and moved it to the side. The next form related to the collection of waste from the latrines and sale thereof as fertilizer.

Sigh...

o-o-o-o​

"Was I correct about the improvement to your mood, sir?"

"All the yes," Hazō said absently, bending far back to stare at the sky where a wood-and-silk construct lumbered in clumsy yet sustained circular flight.

"Thank you for making time for us, My Lord," Michiki said, twisting his hat nervously in his hands. "I hope you are pleased?" The words were uncertain despite Hazō's visibly astounded wonderment.

"Yuh."

Michiki smiled tentatively but continued waiting, twisting his hat and sweating despite the winter chill.

Eventually, Hazō tore his eyes away from the incredible sight. "How is that working?"

"It's the fin, M'Lord." Michiki backed a few steps, making abortive gestures of invitation that were desperate not to be seen as too demanding. Hazō followed his head of aerial research willingly enough as the man led him to where the rest of the research team waited around the second hazōlator (as they insisted on calling it). The men were all scrubbed clean enough to shine and dressed in their very best clothes, cleaned and pressed.

"This is the Mark Eighty-Nine, My Lord," Michiki said, gesturing to the airframe. "Or, rather, the Mk89a. The 89b is up there." He gestured towards the sky.

Hazō studied the Mk89a. It was nothing but a giant triangular wing with an open-mouthed tube slung underneath it. Levers bent around in front of the tube like the mandibles of an insect and were mirrored by an arrangement of footpedals and straps at the back of the tube. A triangular fin stuck up from the top rear of the wing. The wing itself was a wooden spine with spars extending to the sides, all of it covered in tight-stretched silk fabric.

"This is very different from the earlier designs," Hazō noted.

"Yes, M'Lord. We noticed that the spirits seemed to prefer larger wings, so we started making them larger and larger until finally they overtook the entire craft. We also noted that the spirits grow irritated quickly if asked to carry too much weight, so we did everything we could to shed weight. We experimented with making it out of paper, but that proved too fragile. We tried canvas, but that failed in a variety of ways. That spider silk that you so generously provided us was precisely what we needed. May I say, My Lord, that it was astoundingly perceptive of you to recognize its properties. Thank you very much for your consideration."

"Yosh!" The entire research team bowed until their backs were parallel to the ground.

"Right," Hazō said uncomfortably. "So tell me more about this. How does it work? How is that thing staying up there?"

"It's the sacrifical flames, My Lord." Michiki gestured to the vast array of bonfires dotted around the meadow. "I'm sure you remember the occasion on which you wisely suggested that during research it's important to try everything that might work. Well, one day we were discussing a separate issue and one of the men commented on how cold it was and how much he dislikes the cold. That allowed me to recognize that perhaps the air spirits dislike the cold as well, so we tested building sacrificial fires to propitiate them. We discovered it works quite well; they are very grateful and are far more willing to bear the hazōlators for long periods provided that the pilot remains over the flames, where the spirits may keep warm."

"How long has he been up there?"

"Just over forty minutes, My Lord. The key is the fin, you see." He scurried over so that he could gesture to the vertical triangle on the vehicle's spine. "It provides the pilot a clear way to communicate with the spirits. When he tilts the fin to one side or the other, the spirits understand the request and permit the hazōlator to turn." He hesitated. "It...is still a bit unstable. There have been a few incidents of lithobraking that rendered our no-launch windows wider than we prefer, but we always managed to come back from it and improve the next time."

"That's all anyone can ask," Hazō said, nodding. "How does it handle bad weather?"

"Poorly, My Lord. The silk stretches when it gets wet, which can lead to suboptimal performance characteristics."

"Meaning...?"

"Um...maximum flight times that are shorter than desired due to unexpectedly increased descent rates."

Hazō frowned, parsing through the words. "Do you mean 'crashing'?"

"...Yes, My Lord."

"It's okay to just say 'crashing', Michiki."

"Yes, My Lord." The fibers of the hat were beginning to separate from the intensity of the nervous twisting.

Hazō looked up again, studying the soaring, well, lumbering creation above him. It was slow, it was ungainly, and it wobbled like a drunken farmer on the way home from the tavern, but it was flying.

His heart soared alongside it.





Author's Note: As a general rule, it is not possible to make yourself pass out from using jutsu except through inordinately bad luck. If you don't have enough chakra to pay for a technique then the technique simply won't activate and the chakra isn't used. The only way you could make yourself pass out from jutsu use would be if you happened to have precisely the amount necessary, but that's very unlikely given that costs on jutsu usage are actually slightly variable from casting to casting. This is a well-known fact of ninja life, so Hazō did not ask Noburi about it. You tested various jutsu with him, casting until you couldn't cast again, then refilling and doing it all over. You have a moderate amount of data on a few different jutsu. (NB: The Shadow Clone is unique (as far as Hazō knows) in that it will always activate regardless of how much chakra you have and will simply kill you if you don't have enough.)

You had Mari give OPSEC lessons to the clan newbies. They are experienced ninja so it wasn't particularly necessary but they understood the desire.

You spoke to Asuma about paying for a dog to go to Pangolin Territory for future summoning. He's okay with it. You have an appointment to talk with Cantelope and Cantilever tomorrow evening Human Path time, midafternoon Seventh Path time.

You sent a letter to Mareo, the Bear Summoner, along with some chocolates. You have not had a reply yet.

This update covered 14 days.

XP AWARD: 31

Brevity XP: 10

"GM had fun" XP: 0

  • Chakra science is fun to write, but yours was predicated on an invalid assumption (that you could make yourself pass out from jutsu usage) so there was nothing to do.
  • @Velorien enjoys writing Rock Lee, whereas I find him exhausting. You can tell because of the fact that I Gaku'd my way out of that one.


Various clan members have been deployed on various missions at Asuma's request. We'll be rolling for everyone's survival after some discussion of the odds. Mission counts are based on the assumption that people survived through the first ones and will be modified if it's later determined that they died.
  • Akane and Yuno have been out as a team three times, running patrol and deconfliction missions (i.e. "go here and kill everything that moves unless it's a citizen of Fire")
  • Mari was out for 4 days with a KEI chūnin backing her up, details classified
  • Mari was out for 3 days with a KEI chūnin backing her up, details classified
  • Noburi powered another Zoo Rush, although the details were classified and you haven't heard what happened
  • Haru was teamed with a KEI chūnin and sent to demolish a civilian mill town in Rock


Again, we'll be rolling for everyone's survival after some discussion of the odds.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, December 8, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
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Chapter 482: A Relative Falls
Chapter 482: A Relative Falls
The atmosphere in the meeting chamber could best be described as dreary. Maps, report scrolls, and those little banner figurines the Nara were so fond of lay scattered across the great table. Lamplight flickered lethargically, as if it couldn't be bothered to decide where to cast the shadows of those assembled. Occasionally, adjacent clan heads (or their representatives—this wasn't a Clan Council meeting, just a regular update) would exchange brief whispered comments, then stop as if remembering that they were at a war council rather than a history lesson at the Academy.

Hazō was more tired than anything, and guilty about being tired. These meetings were important—they were individual threads in the greater tapestry that would decide Leaf's fate—and they deserved his attention on the moral level as much as the practical. Somewhere out there, real people were dying every day to determine the locations of those figurines. At this very moment, there might be Leaf ninja fighting for their lives, or civilian villages getting wiped out because Leaf's defence of its people wasn't good enough. Meanwhile, Hazō sat at home, teaching summoning, teaching sealing, doing paperwork, and immersing himself in all kinds of safe activities that he took for granted while others died to keep him safe.

He'd never been aware of it more than he was right now, as members of his family took turns going out to fight, the results still unknown, while he could do nothing but pray for their safety (choosing between the ancestors who hated him and the Will of Fire which knew a lot more about his treason than Asuma ever would). He hadn't felt this way since his childhood in Mist, when it was his mother going out on difficult, dangerous missions while he sat at home knowing that any day, he could become an orphan. That was the nature of shinobi life. Hazō couldn't let himself forget that this was what it was like for everyone else. Whenever he saw another ninja, he was looking at someone who expected to lose their loved ones one by one over the next several years, if they themselves lived that long.

With the Gōketsu's mission-free honeymoon finally ending, was he going to be one of those ninja himself?

The door flew open, and Hazō gave silent thanks for whatever distraction was incoming. A civilian servant rushed up to the Hokage, passing on some kind of message in an excited whisper.

"Ask him to join us here."

A minute later, Hazō retracted the silent thanks, and replaced them with a series of choice sailor curses that had been too good not to filter through from the civilian world to the shinobi.

"I have returned from my mission," Orochimaru announced in a voice so apathetic it made him fit right in as far as this meeting was concerned. "That is all."

He began to turn to leave again.

But there was something different about the Hokage today. His expression was mild, his mouth relaxed, but the muscles around his eyes were tight with concentration. "Welcome home, Orochimaru," he said, and there was something about the warmth in that voice, and the tension, that was not quite right, not quite his. "Please report."

Orochimaru blinked. "The initial journey was uneventful. My escorts were able to dispatch the attacking chakra beasts without my intervention, and finding Isan was trivial with the aid of scout summons. Negotiations with the Isan Clan Council were brief. After three days, I set out north with a force of 214 Isan ninja. As Cloud scouts had no way to predict an assault from the south, our initial victories were overwhelming. However, since my chūnin escorts and I were the only skywalker users, it was impossible to prevent escapees from warning forces further up the coast, and the Isanese's unfamiliarity with the terrain slowed pursuit.

"I estimate that we eliminated a quarter to a third of the enemy expeditionary force. The rest retreated north through the archipelago towards Haran Bay, an area outside the scope of the mission."

Then whatever unusually cooperative mood had seized him dissipated, and his focused expression was replaced with a more familiar faint scowl. "I will send you the usual report in due course. Now, I am weary. Is there anything else?"

"No," the Hokage said. "Thank you, Orochimaru."

Orochimaru gave a disinterested nod and left without ever acknowledging the presence of the clan heads or the representatives.

The tone of the meeting changed instantly. Cloud had been repelled. The second front was no more. They might learn their lesson from being punched in the face with two hundred shinobi and an S-ranker out of nowhere, or they might try again without the element of surprise, but either way, the coast was now clear for Leaf to focus its efforts on obliterating Rock as it deserved.

However, before discussion could turn to this most glorious of subjects…

"I apologise," came the voice of a guard from outside, "but the Hokage is in a meeting right now and can't be disturbed. Please come back later."

"Allow me to present the matter to you from a different angle," an unmistakeable, insolently cheerful voice responded. "You know the Hokage's policies better than me. Which would be worse, the consequences for allowing a foreign ninja to interrupt an important meeting, or the consequences for preventing the emissary of the Village Hidden in the Mist from delivering urgent news that could change the tide of the war?"

There was a sigh.

"You know, you could have led with the 'urgent news' part."

"It would have been less dramatic. Everybody inside can hear us, you know."

The Hokage raised his voice. "Let her in."

"Lord Hokage," Ami said with a bow, "honoured clan heads, I am Mori Ami, here in an official capacity as the emissary of the Mizukage and the Village Hidden in the Mist."

"Welcome, Mori Ami." The Hokage gave an affable nod. If he was as impatient to hear the Mizukage's response as Hazō, he showed no sign of it. "What news do you have from our ally?"

Ami gave a warm but professional smile. "In recognition of the ancient bonds of friendship between our two villages…"

She paused meaningfully, and the Hokage nodded. Across the room, Shikamaru wrote something down in a notepad.

"…and in accordance with the terms of the recent alliance, Lord Mizukage is pleased to send Mist's finest forces in support of Leaf's defence against their ancient enemies. You may expect the forerunners to arrive within the next three days."

All eyes were drawn to the maps and the clear run from Mist to Leaf, unimpeded by Cloud forces. The war had just turned upside down. Hazō could sense that everyone in the room was impatient for Ami to leave so they could start grappling with the implications.

"Shall I return to my quarters, Lord Hokage?" Ami asked innocently.

The Hokage considered briefly. "If I may clarify one thing…" he said, "Lord Mizukage?"

"Oh, yes," Ami said. "I suppose I should have mentioned that. I regret to inform you that Kurosawa Ren is no longer Mizukage, as she stands accused of treason against the Village Hidden in the Mist. Fortunately, Lord Utakata has accepted the clans' unanimous invitation to assume the position of Sixth Mizukage in order to secure Mist's safety and stability in these dangerous times."

The clan heads' excited muttering was cut off as if by a kunai. As far as Hazō knew, it was impossible for a Kage to commit treason by definition, since they were the final arbiter of what the term meant and when it applied. In other words, the Six-Tails jinchūriki had deposed the Mizukage in a coup, likely facilitated by the fact that he was an unstoppable superhuman with powers Hazō couldn't guess at, and the primary guarantee of Mist's survival, while she was a diplomat with jōnin-level taijutsu and a compromise candidate.

Given that Jiraiya had done something very similar, and Aunt Ren was a terrible person, Hazō couldn't find it in himself to be as upset as he probably should have been.

Except…

"Lord Hokage, if I may?" Hazō raised a hand.

"Go ahead, Lord Gōketsu."

"When did the change of Kage take place?" Hazō had a horrible feeling he already knew the answer, but maybe, just maybe, this time he'd be wrong.

"January 26," Ami said perkily, "immediately after Kurosawa's arrest. I'm afraid I can't go into the detail of the charges against her for reasons of national security, but I can assure you that she is unharmed and will receive a fair trial according to the laws and traditions of Hidden Mist."

"I see," the Hokage said, brushing his hand across his chin contemplatively. "is there any other important news from Mist we should be aware of?"

"Nothing particularly relevant to Leaf," Ami said. "Lord Mizukage has named Mori Ryūgamine and Kuroda Shinzō as his chief advisors, and together they're preparing probably the biggest reform package in Mist's history. The Clan Council's been expanded, and it's going to do fascinating things to the power balance. Most importantly, I'm back in charge as the ambassador. That's relevant to Leaf." She gave a brief frown. "Only not, because I'll still be doing the exact same work. Possibly more. Suddenly I feel cheated.

"Anyway, there's nothing urgent, Lord Hokage. I would be happy to brief you properly later in my ambassadorial capacity."

"Very good," the Hokage said. "Thank you for conveying Lord Mizukage's message."

Ami bowed, to him and then to the assembled clan heads et cetera, and left with a jaunty step (which was almost certainly fake if she'd just spent all day travelling at ninja speed, although one never quite knew with jōnin).

-o-​

She caught him on his way out as he knew she would. Something had happened in Mist, something that surpassed the imagination of sane people like Hazō, and if there was one thing constant about the avatar of chaos, it was that she could no more resist boasting after a successful scheme than Noburi could resist pranking him when his back was turned, Kei could resist pointing out all his failures (which, to be fair, was her job), or Kagome-sensei could resist accusing people of lupchanzen possession when they acted out of character.

"Welcome back, Ami." He smiled. Strictly speaking, these days he could get by without his cane, but today he was very grateful for its assistance as he braced himself the instant before a massive hug.

"Ahh, that's the stuff," Ami said several seconds later. "Hugs you don't have to time are the best, second only to hugs from Kei."

"I'll take your word for it," Hazō said. "'Hugging Kei' is shorthand for 'suicide by stupidity' in the Gōketsu Clan—as in, 'Time travel seals? Why don't you go hug Kei while you're at it?'"

"Ooh, speaking of, how is she? Where is she? Who is she? Why is she?"

"She's fine, on a mission, legally Nara Kei, and I've never dared ask because I'm pretty sure her answers would all be very depressing," Hazō replied.

Ami's smile disappeared. "What kind of mission?"

"You know I can't tell you that, Ami," Hazō said.

"Is it another special summoner mission with Noburi?"

Hazō rolled his eyes. "How do you even know about those?"

"Hazō," she said, "hundreds of genin were involved in a massive operation that involved doing something really weird and ended in a legendary victory that was all thanks to them. You'd have better luck covering up the fact that Rock Lee believes in Youth. Why do you think the Hokage's had all his pawns spreading disinformation to confuse enemy spies?

"But forget that. Is Kei—relatively—safe?"

"I am unable to either confirm or deny the details of any ongoing Hidden Leaf mission, regardless of that mission's implications for my sister's safety," Hazō recited, taking care not to use an Iron Nerve poker face.

"Got it," Ami said with a grateful smirk. "I'll lavish my sisterly affection on you for now."

"I'll take what I can get," Hazō said, silently hoping it was an improvement on the other kind. "More importantly, Ami…" He glanced around. By this point, they were near the wall, with clear lines of sight that did not conceal any watching ANBU. "Did you depose the Mizukage?"

Ami beamed. "Nope. Lord Utakata deposed the Mizukage. The very idea that I, a humble jōnin who'd mostly been away for a year, should have set up a youth organisation that was able to offer a traumatised ex-missing-nin a place to belong during the chaos after Nagi Island, when he had no connections whatsoever in Mist, while Kurosawa couldn't afford to publicly reject Yagura's legacy of missing-nin hatred because the sharks were still pissed at you guys for existing and also for humiliating Mist before the world at the Chūnin Exams? Laughable. Next you'll be suggesting that my deputies built on his fear and loathing of Yagura and his regime, which Kurosawa was taking too long to dismantle because she couldn't afford to alienate the traditionalists, needed the toolkit to reinforce her fragile rule, and wasn't taking my people seriously enough as political actors whose demands mattered. What a wild imagination you have, Hazō.

"Still, there's an important lesson here for you. None of this was set in stone. She could have alienated me, and then played a perfect game and been perfectly fine, because there was no way I was going to put in the time and resources and take the risks necessary to bring down a Kage, especially when I was happy minding my own business over here. Or she could have kept me on-side and screwed up in the massive, unimaginable, epic fashion she just did, and I'd have interceded with the boys and bailed her out—or, frankly, warned her up front, because none of this was unpreventable. But bitter enemies and big mistakes? No. Either you pick one or you end up dead."

Hazō shivered at the cold in Ami's eyes. "Is she going to? End up dead, I mean."

"Well, no," Ami admitted. "Lord Sixth wants the Kurosawa under his thumb, not out for blood. The beauty of those Yagura-style trials she failed to abolish is that you can plausibly convict anybody of anything. She'll have her charges of treason downgraded to heinous malefaction—say what you like about Yagura, he had rhetoric—and then he'll pardon her as an inaugural act of charity, putting the Kurosawa in his debt. Obviously, the Kurosawa can't have a clan head who not only failed to hold onto the hat but got convicted of heinous malefaction by the new regime, so by this time next month she'll be just another jōnin, only with an aura of failure and disgrace that will follow her around for the rest of her life.

"I bet you find it even more delicious than I do."

Hazō couldn't deny the poetic justice of it. Granted, Aunt Ren wasn't going to get kicked out of the Kurosawa—presumably—so she still wouldn't experience more than a fraction of the suffering and privation Mum had been forced to endure, but still, if ever a twist of fortune had "karma" written on it…

"If Hana didn't hate the clan," Ami added, "I'd almost be tempted to try and get her set up as the next clan head to complete the circle, but those aren't feelings you can smother or wish away. Once you turn your back on the people who made you who you are, it's forever.

"On a more interesting note…" Ami grinned. "How was the commitment ceremony? After all the time we spent planning it, it had better not have gone off without a hitch."

"'We'?" Hazō asked. "Ami, please tell me that this at least wasn't one of your master plans."

Ami shook her head. "Nah, I just gave Kei a lesson in how Mori are beings of contingency, and how when you can't interact with the world head-on, what you do is set things up so that no matter what stimulus you get, it pushes you in a direction that you want to go. Case in point: the AMI wasn't set up to take Kurosawa down and replace her with an absolute dictator who'd spent a year being brainwashed by people who are in love with me. Nobody knew, in the early days of Kurosawa's reign, whether she'd be the leader we needed. Nobody knew she was capable of screwing up so incredibly that the youth of Mist would collectively decide they wanted their own Kage gone. Heck, nobody knew, until the literal moment the AMI announced its existence, that Lord Utakata would come back to Mist and Yagura wouldn't. But Mori are beings of contingency. We don't need to know the future. We don't need to choose it. We just need to make sure that every path it can go down leads to victory.

"So the commitment ceremony is the Hagoromo's last chance to stand in the way of the Concubine Laws. How do we win if they take it? How do we win if they don't? Most importantly, what are the most awesome ways we can win? With the right conceptual framework and a bit of nudging, Kei refined the political victory into brutal humiliation, and then optimised with Snowflake the way to get the Hagoromo there without suspecting anything and without time to do recon, but—and this is the best part—only if they were utter scumbags. If Lord Hagoromo had had the tiniest bit of decency in his shrivelled black lump of a heart, he'd have left two girls to celebrate their forbidden love in private, and it would have been a much quieter, victimless victory."

"Three girls," Hazō corrected.

"I'm sorry?"

"Three girls," he repeated. "Kei, Tenten, Snowflake."

"Well sure," Ami said, "but only Kei and Tenten were…"

She broke off to stare at him. "Hazō, don't tell me…"

Hazō studied Ami's rare and delightful bemused expression. "Yeah, they're a lawfully not-married triad now. I guess they were going to surprise you at the ceremony, only then you couldn't make it."

Ami continued to stare. "They pulled off a three-way not-wedding involving a shadow clone in a way that was lawful enough to satisfy half of Leaf's power-holders and the Hagoromo."

"That's right."

Ami was silent for a full three seconds.

Then, a deeply, deeply ominous grin began to stretch slowly across her face. "That's it. I refuse to be outdone by my little sister. Say goodbye to the Leaf you knew."

"Uh, Ami?" Hazō interrupted. "What about that whole thing with Aunt Ren and Lord Utakata?"

"Old news," Ami brushed him off. "My sister has just wielded the power of Law to rewrite society, the nature of romantic love, and the very definitions of metaphysics.

"Chaos must answer."

Hazō had a sudden, very vivid image of Leaf in ashes, with Ami and Kei holding each other atop the shattered ruins of the Hokage Tower. Ami was stroking Kei's hair.

The only way to save Leaf was to distract Ami with something very interesting and completely unrelated, just like Mari had distracted Orochimaru with… with… ah, crap.

Hazō realised, with perfect clarity, that if he did not tell her about the Orochimaru incident right now, then Ami would go away and hear Kei's version of the story first. And if he did tell her about the Orochimaru incident right now…

In his mind, Ami and Kei held each other atop the shattered ruins of the Hokage Tower. Mari's corpse lay at their feet.

-o-​

This chapter is set during the Chapter 481 timeskip, and thus receives no extra XP.

-o-​

What do you do?

Voting closes on Saturday, 11th of December, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
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Chapter 483: Wisdom is Knowledge Gained Too Late

January 29, 1070 AS

Something shifted above, large enough that Hazō could feel the vibrations through fifteen feet of sandstone. He deactivated the Tunneler's Friend seal that was his only source of air and froze in place, doing everything he could to become one with the stone through which he swam. There were at most thirty seconds left on his Hiding Like a Mole jutsu, but he was taking no chances of being n.ticed b\| what was uP there and the r3membeeered feel of Akane's heartbeat p0unded in his mind as he struggled to bring up the scent of h3r hair and use it as a shield for his mind and soul.

The Dr—the source of the noise settled down. Hazō held his breath for a slow count of ten but then could wait no longer. He ducked back to the tunnel, emerging from the rock before his jutsu ended. With the way the Great Seal distorted chakra effects around itself, Hazō was taking no chances on being trapped inside the stone.

Besides, he had what he needed. For days now, he had pored over the image of the Great Seal that he held stored in the Iron Nerve. He had traced its every curve, reviewed the angles and twists and thicknesses, all in a desperate attempt to seize the key insight that would let him understand what was going wrong and how to fix it. Yesterday's meditations had brought a hint of terror to the back of his mind, leaving him no choice but to return to the Seventh Path and once more infiltrate the butte atop which rested one of the Sage's greatest works. He had swum through the mundanity of the sandstone, running his hands slowly and carefully along the smooth and unfamiliar mineral that comprised the Seal.

As he had feared: There were tiny cracks all through the bottom.

o-o-o-o​

January 30, 1070 AS

Cannai raised his massive head as Hazō hobbled up. The Alpha Dog was lounging on the grass in the territory of the Slow River pack, having moved on from Grassy Hills a few days ago. His easygoing mien vanished the moment Hazō appeared alongside Canzone, the six-month-old mastiff who had boosted Hazō up to the Seventh Path.

"Cannai? Do you have a minute?" Hazō asked as Canzone lolloped away, eager to pester the Slow River bard for a singing lesson.

Cannai nodded expectantly but said nothing, which made Hazō suddenly nervous. Cannai was usually much more engaging.

"You remember how, a few weeks ago, I was asking you about sending a dog to the embassy in Pangolin territory so they could participate in the Conclave?"




"...so, anyway, having a dog at the embassy with all the other clans would have a lot of advantages," Hazō finished.

Cannai ruminated on that for a moment before responding. "How so? This trade network you have spoken of...we can participate in that as things currently are, since the goods are physically exchanged on the Human Path. Likewise, if I wish to have a diplomat meet with a Pangolin diplomat, they can do so on the Human Path. It seems to me that Dog having a presence at the Conclave is useful to you since it would allow you to meet other Leaf summoners on the Seventh Path while you were in different locations on the Human Path. I'm unclear what advantage Dog would get out of it." He paused, then hastened to add. "Not that this is inherently a bad thing. Partnerships must be valuable to all parties, but that does not mean that every specific aspect must be useful to both sides. I am not entirely adverse to doing things that are of benefit to you and not us, provided that we gain enough value elsewhere. Still—"

"So you're in?" Hazō asked, excited.

Cannai cleared his throat meaningfully. "As I was about to say: Dogs are a social clan who live close to the land. You are asking that one or perhaps a pawful should travel hundred or thousands of miles through enemy territories, across a mountain range, to live amidst a warlike and xenophobic species who have recently been on a conquest spree. Those dogs would be away from our lands, eating unfamiliar foods, and away from their packmates for months or even years. I would never order something so cruel." He cocked his head as a thought struck. "Speaking of the pangolins, that group on our eastern border reached out yesterday. Pandā, your sister's summon? He said to remind you that, quote, Kei's commitment ceremony is coming up soon and Hazō better not forget or I'll thwap him, oh, but he shouldn't tell her that I told him because otherwise he won't get the credit for remembering and I've got his back. Unquote." He snorted. "He sounded like a charming young man."

Hazō laughed. "He really is. The first time we met him was hilarious. See, he fancied that he understood something about human sexual mores and familial bonding, so he said..."





"I do indeed remember that," Cannai said calmly. "Why do you mention it?"

"Well, you said that you wouldn't order any dog to go serve as diplomat. We got distracted onto a new subject, but later on I started thinking that there are always outliers in any group, and maybe there might be some dogs with wanderlust who would be interested in seeing new sights. I started asking around, but last night we were talking over family dinner..."




"I'm starting to think the dogs are a lot more settled than I thought they were," Hazō said, passing the mashed potatoes to Akane so that she could pass them on to Yuno. "They live out on these giant prairies, hunting migratory herds of bison as well as the local small animals. Under those conditions I would have expected a lot more of them to have itchy feet, to want to see what's over the next hill."

"Thank you," Yuno said to Akane, taking the potatoes and serving herself. "Do you find that they are not?" she asked Hazō.

"Not really. I've been asking around, trying to see if anyone would be interested in going over to the embassy in Pangolin lands. It seems like it would be an exciting adventure, right? I mean, yes, Cannai made good points about how it's a long ways off and away from family, but there's are a lot of dogs. Some of them should be outliers, right? Or maybe even an entire pack wants to go? Instead—"

"Hang on," Mari said, a note of insufficiently-hidden alarm in her voice. "It sounds like you're saying that Cannai didn't want to send anyone to Pangolin but you're trying to send someone to Pangolin. Are you?"

Hazō shook his head. "Not without his permission, no. He said that he wouldn't order anyone to go but he didn't say that he would stop someone from going if they wanted to. I figured I'd ask around, see if anyone was interested. If not, no harm done. If so then everyone wins—the dog or dogs in question get an exciting adventure and Dog gets a representative at the Conclave."

The noise level in the room plummeted as Mari, Akane, and Noburi all stopped eating to stare at Hazō. Kagome-sensei stopped eating so that he could grab an explosive and look around wide-eyed to figure out what had everyone else so alarmed. Yuno simply looked confused.

"Hazō," Mari said carefully. "As far as sending representatives to the Conclave, there are, in theory, three possibilities: Cannai wants it to happen, he wants it to not happen, or he is ambivalent. In practice, he's either ambivalent or opposed, since if he wanted it to happen then he would be doing the asking around himself. If he's opposed and you're asking around then he's going to be furious that you're preempting his authority. If he's ambivalent then he's still going to care very much about who the representative is. None of the eastern clans have ever seen a dog before, probably. Whoever goes to the Conclave is going to be defining Dog's reputation with all of those clans and setting their expectations for decades or centuries. If the representative isn't careful then they could leak important Dog secrets—I have no idea what, but there must be some. Also, if they say the wrong thing, they could potentially start a war. Have you asked Cannai what he wants in a diplomat?"

"Well, no. I figured I'd find someone as a proof of concept that some dogs actually are interested. Once we knew that there was at least one such person then Cannai could organize a better search. If there is no such person then I won't have wasted his time."

"So you're setting this random dog up for disappointment?" Noburi asked. "Getting them excited about the idea of going, but then Cannai doesn't let them go? That sounds rough on the dog and annoying for Cannai to have to be the bad guy."

"I mean...they could always go as a bodyguard, right? Or an embassy aide. Or just as company for the diplomatic corps."

"Hazō," Mari said, "this is high-level geopolitics and you should not be putting your oar in without getting the local ruler's sign-off. Remember what happened when you sent a letter to Itachi without talking to the Hokage?"

"Hey, I ran that idea past all of you and Kei. None of you objected."

"Dude," Noburi said, disappointment and irritation dripping from his words. "Yeah, we dropped the ball, but you're the one who threw it. Let's try not to repeat our catastrophic errors, eh?"

"Oh, fine," Hazō said, rolling his eyes. "I'll talk to Cannai about it. Honestly, I can't see it being that big a deal. I'm not going to send anyone anywhere, I'm not going to involve any other clans. All I'm doing is asking dogs if they would like to travel. How is that a bad thing?"





"Your relatives sound quite perceptive," Cannai said calmly, once Hazō had finished retelling the key points of the conversation. "I am surprised that you waited so long to talk to them."

"What?"

"You have been 'asking around', as you put it, for several weeks now. Yes?"

"Uh..." Some part of his subconscious finally twigged to Cannai's tone. It was calm and even, just like always, but the trace of subtle humor and liveliness that usually hid beneath the surface was absent. Hazō's brain insisted on very briefly flirting with the idea of dissembling, but fortunately the idea was nigh-instantly rejected.

"Yes sir."

"Hmm...Hazō, you have been a good Summoner thus far. Your sleds are very helpful and you were willing to escort Canabisu's team all the way to Arachnid with essentially no notice. You are polite, intelligent, and I have enjoyed our conversations. I have therefore been confused as to why you were defying my orders."

"Sir?" The grass around them was moving slightly, and not in the direction of the wind. Was Hazō imagining a faint heat shimmer in the air?

"I told you no, Hazō. I was very clear about not sending a dog to Pangolin territory. Why you would hear those words, obviously understand them, and then sneak around behind my back to defy me on something that so clearly had not a hope...I couldn't understand what you thought to gain.

"Now I see that it was stupidity, not malice." He paused, then shook his massive head. "Perhaps 'stupid' is unfair. You are intelligent, so this was not due to stupidity. This was simply you being oblivious, pathologically unaware, and arrogant."

A trace of heat was creeping into the Alpha Dog's words. "I am the Alpha here, Hazō. I am responsible for the safety and well-being of every dog in existence. I decide if and when and where and how we fight, what treaties we make, and how our herds are managed and our lands preserved. You are an outsider with almost no knowledge of our culture, barely more than a child yourself. I rule over a Clan of tens of thousands and have done so for centuries. You, according to your own words, are lurching along on the edge of disaster as you learn how to manage a paltry few hundred. The idea that you—"

Cannai's voice had been rising as he spoke, the heat shimmer in the air getting more and more intense. He broke off in midsentence and took a breath; the air went back to normal and the grass stopped rustling. When he resumed, his voice was calm again.

"I am glad to see that this was an issue of misunderstanding on your part, and not an explicit defiance of my authority. Violating pack hierarchy the way you appeared to be doing is not acceptable. I have held my paw this long simply because your actions seemed utterly bizarre and I wanted to find out what you were thinking.

"You do not understand my people yet, Hazō. Do not think that you know them better than I, and do not ever think to defy my orders or preempt my authority. Do you understand?"

Cannai had hauled in his anger enough that the world around him was not actively altering itself in reflection of his mood, but Hazō could still feel the expanse of the prairie stretching out for endless leagues around him in a silent statement of how tiny he was. In contrast, Cannai seemed to loom, higher and higher. He had not changed size at all, yet it simultaneously felt as though his head was scraping the clouds.

All Hazō could do was nod furiously. "Yes sir. I understand. I wasn't trying to do that. I just thought—"

"You already explained yourself," Cannai reminded him. "I do not need to hear it again. It was a mistake, nothing more. It is forgiven."

Hazō let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

"However," Cannai said, causing Hazō's breath to catch again, "the fact that this happened demonstrates that you have an arrogance and essential disrespect that I am not willing to accept from a Summoner. Perhaps a bit of running through the dusty hills of Hyena will help sand off some of those rough edges. I recognize that you have obligations on the Human Path, so I will not insist that it be continuous...five hours per day should be enough. I will assign you to one of the punishment squads."

Hazō blanched. "Um...sir?" He raised his cane in mute entreaty.

"Yes, I'm aware that you aren't capable of long-distance running at the moment. That aspect of your discipline training can wait until you are healed. Until then, why don't you do pushups until I get tired? Silently, if you please."

With a carefully-smothered sigh, Hazō dropped down into front leaning rest position and started hammering out pushups.

o-o-o-o​

February 11, 1070 AS

"—and so he ran down the street after me, buck naked and screaming 'Bring back my forks!'" Mari said, concluding her ten-minute recitation of her latest successful intelligence-gathering mission into Cloud. The table broke up in laughter.

"Your venture appears to have been far more enjoyable than ours," Akane said, smiling in a way that did not show any of the pain she must be feeling from her right arm, which was immobilized across her chest while it healed. The smile looked grotesque under the massive shiner that had swollen her right eye closed; the medics had been working on it and the healing was accelerated, so it was in its full yellow-and-green glory after only 24 hours. "You escaped with military intelligence and top-quality brandy—"

"And a pair of solid-gold heirloom serving forks," Mari noted, smiling.

"—and a pair of solid-gold heirloom serving forks," Akane acknowledged, "whereas Yuno and I...well."

"Oh?" Hazō asked. "What happened? I thought you guys were doing great."

"The previous two missions were nothing," Yuno said. She stroked Satsuko's hilt, because of course the axe was leaning against her chair in easy reach. "Boring patrols. The three of us work well together. This one..." Her eyes drifted off into memory.

"We ran into a Cloud jōnin in the northeast corner of Fire," Akane explained. She shifted slightly and then bit her lip to keep from crying out as her arm almost visibly stabbed pain through her.

"Bad?" Mari asked.

Akane nodded. "It was so close. If Yuno hadn't been there..."

"And Satsuko! We would have been lost without Satsuko."

"Surely true," Noburi said. "Thank you, Satsuko, for looking after my wife and my sister. Sis, wife: Thanks for looking out for each other and for Satsuko."

Yuno looked at him strangely. "Did you address me simply as 'wife'?"

"Uh...look, honey, I was just being funny. I didn't mean to— I mean—"

"What happened?" Mari asked, mercifully diverting Yuno's attention. "There was a jōnin?"

"Yes," Akane said. "We saw smoke half a day out and went in at a run to find this Cloud ninja scorching a village called Tall Sky. Maybe a hundred people, and most of them were dead by the time we got there. Most of the houses were on fire, there were bodies and blood everywhere. She was trying to draw us in."

"You specifically," Mari asked sharply, "or Leaf nin in general?"

Akane looked over to Yuno; the other girl shrugged. "I don't know," Akane said. "Presumably Leaf nin in general. I don't know how they could have known we would be nearby."

Mari nodded and gestured for her to continue.

"Anyway, she had tortured and maimed some of the residents, then dragged them off to the side and left them there, screaming. When we arrived she was kneeling down, emplacing explosives against a house. She wore the flash on her flak jacket that Cloud uses for those of jōnin rank and she was operating alone so we took it to be accurate. There was smoke everywhere and we tried to sneak in close enough to ambush her."

"She must have noticed me," Yuno admitted, embarrassed. "I didn't think she had, but she must have. She drew her sword and went inside to kill the family, so I went after her. When I arrived—"

"By which she means 'when she smashed through the wall, Satsuko upraised," Akane said with a smile.

"—when I arrived, she was there with a trap." She looked down. "I walked straight into it."

"Yes, but it didn't hit you," Akane reminded, nudging her patrol partner. "You dodged it." She looked around the table. "She dodged actual lightning. It was amazing. There was a seal on the woman's belt, and it was throwing lightning everywhere, and Yuno slid across the floor under all of it and practically chopped this woman's leg off with the most youthful strike I've ever seen!"

"She stabbed me, Akane. She kicked Satsuko's throat to stop her motion and then struck back with her...thing. Whatever it was."

"Chakram. I asked at the desk." She turned back to the family. "It's this metal ring with a crossbar that you grip it by. The desk chūnin told me that they are an antique weapon used mostly in Rock, but hers was different. They are usually metal throwing weapons, but she used hers for melee combat. It was throwing tiny lightning bolts everywhere, and it had a rope of lightning that she used to snap it back and forth."

"She lashed it into my knee," Yuno admitted. "Had I not been using the pangolin jutsu it would have been bad."

Akane made a disparaging noise. "Hardly! Yuno was so youthfully fast and flexible, she would certainly have escaped with barely a scorch mark!" Her face fell. "I...was not nearly so youthful. I must work harder!"

"What happened?" Hazō asked, reminding his imagination that it could shut up now because Akane was here and she was fine, it was just a minor injury and she'd be better in a week-ish, so please stop parading images of her dead, burned body around in front of his eyes.

Akane looked away, shamefaced. "I entered the building behind Yuno and walked straight into the lightning trap. It burned me and suddenly my muscles were not working properly."

"I did not notice any impairment," Yuno said, smiling. She looked around the table. "She screamed 'YOOOUUUUTTHHHH!' and then exploded into flames and light and sound and flew across the room like a kami! It was amazing."

"If I had hit, certainly," Akane said, not letting her teammate dress it up. "I promise you all, I did my very best. I used the strongest Flame Aura I could manage, and the Mythological Beast That Is Really Strong And Tough, and the Banshee seals, and my narrow-angle blast rings—" She glanced over at Kagome-sensei. "I couldn't use the wide-angle ones without hurting Yuno." Kagome accepted that with a grumble and Akane continued. "I used all of that, and the Strobelight seal, and even my Rocket Boots."

"What happened?" Noburi asked, eyes shining like a child at bedtime story hour.

Akane grimaced. "She stepped effortlessly aside, wrapped the whip of her chakram around me, and slammed me into the floor. It dislocated my shoulder, micro-fractured my arm, and bruised my face. Fortunately, she realized that Yuno was the real threat so she didn't take the time to finish me."

"Akane, do not denigrate yourself like that. I...have simply had more time to train than you have?"

Akane smiled and nodded. "It's all right, Yuno. I know there will always be people better than me and I don't mind that you're one of them."

Yuno seemed very uncomfortable all of a sudden. "I would not have been nearly so successful were it not for your flame jets." She looked over at Hazō. "The jōnin turned to attack me but Akane signaled me to go left and then she threw jets of fire from her Aura, forcing the woman to dodge, exactly into where I was already attacking."

"You nearly chopped her arm off, and the unyouthful coward fled!"

"It was barely a scratch, Akane. I put everything I had into that attack and it was not even disabling. It was her own technique that injured her to the point that she fled—I could see the lightning burning her hands and forearms."

"Bah!" Akane said, waving her un-immobilized hand dramatically. "No matter what, our Youth would have conquered all! Indeed, it did conquer all, for did she not flee before our might, fail to escape, and then fall to Satsuko's edge?! What is this if not the power of Youth?!" She struck a heroic pose that mirrored that of the Senju Hashirama statue from the corner of Senju Court and Namikaze Way.

The table burst out in applause; Hazō could not help noticing that Haru's was forced.

"Sounds like an exciting time," Hazō said, smiling for his girlfriend. "Haru, what about you? You've been back two days and I am just now realizing I haven't heard about your mission."

Haru looked down at his soup and shrugged one shoulder. "I lived. Wasn't as cool as those two, though."

"C'mon, bro," Noburi said. "Share with the class, Mr Gōketsu."

Haru shot him a glare. "My partner died, okay? I don't really want to talk about it."

"Haru, please tell us?" Mari asked. "Not all injuries are physical, honey. Telling us can help."

Haru sighed, but he put his spoon down. "I was teamed up with a KEI guy named Matsumura Haru, okay? Nice guy. He was joking that we should make an all-Haru squad with his friend Chisaka Haru. He...he asked me a lot about what it's like being in a clan now." He cleared his throat and continued. "Anyway, we were up in Rock on a search and destroy. Basically, go from here to here"—he sketched an arc across the table with his finger—"and kill everyone you meet. Burn the farms, poison the wells. Cause as much damage as you can." His lips twisted. "Apparently, it's all about 'breaking the enemy's will to fight' and that means killing as many civilians as possible."

Every eye was wide and the entire room was silent except for Kagome-sensei's mostly-too-quiet-to-understand muttering that occasionally involved the word 'stinker'.

"I'm sorry, Haru," Mari said, resting a hand on his arm. "You shouldn't have had to do that."

He shrugged one shoulder, not raising his eyes from the bowl of soup that he had wrapped his hands around as though for warmth. "Anyway, we're done with the mission and heading home, crossing from Rock into Grass, and we get jumped by a three-man squad. They were hiding in a bunker and we didn't notice it until we were basically on top of it. They come boiling out and the first one shoots a jutsu into the air that makes bright lights and noise, which says that there's going to be reinforcements on top of us in no time, so we booked it.

"It was absolute hell. There's explosions everywhere, and this giant fanged maw made out of black energy keeps almost catching us. I just barely stayed ahead of it all...I've got bruises all over my back from a scatter of gravel coming from one of the blasts behind me, and my uniform shirt is ripped up and it keeps flapping around, catching the air and slowing me down. Matsumura got tagged by the edge of something and spun around, but he kept running. We can hear the reinforcements coming, maybe half a minute out, maybe less. We get to this gorge..." He stopped.

"Haru?" Mari asks. "It's okay, honey."

Haru clears his throat and shakes his head. "I used my Rocket Books to jump over the gorge, because I forgot that Matsumura didn't have them. He needed to do it the slow way: go down into the gorge, then back up on the other side." He cleared his throat again. "I remembered that he didn't have them about half a second after it was too late. I was already in midair, no way to stop, and I looked down to see what was happening. The kunai went right into his spine, probably would have killed him all by itself. Then the explosive went off and he was just chunks, everywhere."

"I'm sorry, bro," Noburi said gently. "Life sucks. Matsumura should have been able to grow up and get married and raise a bunch of fat little kids with big red cheeks."

Haru snorted. "Yeah, well, he didn't. Anyway, then I put my skywalkers in and got out of there. The end."

He stood up. "I'm not that hungry. I'm going to bed. G'night."

He turned and left. It was a long minute before conversation resumed, and the tones were far more subdued.





Author's Notes: Hazō has been reporting to the Seventh Path every day in order to perform five hours of intense calisthenics under Cando, a grizzled old mutt who serves as a trainer for young puppies who want to become warriors. At Cannai's suggestion he has been giving you special, and disturbingly gleeful, attention. All of the exercises are designed to work around Hazō's injuries but no less intense. At the end of every session Hazō is exhausted, shaking, vaguely nauseous, and so sore he can barely hobble even with his cane. He is almost past needing the cane, at which point he will graduate from Cando's gentle paws to become the junior man on a three-dog punishment squad consisting of Hazō, a dog being punished, and a respected fighter who is along to supervise and make sure that both of you get the lesson about not violating cultural norms pounded into your heads. The squad will be running along the Dog/Hyena border all day every day. Fortunately, Hazō is only required to be there for five hours each day. You'll be on this detail until Cannai says you're done and you should expect it to be a few weeks.

You're going to need to do some time management because you don't have time to train Harumitsu, train Kagome-sensei, manage the clan, do 5 hours of exhausting exercise each day, run the clan, take care of normal food/hygiene/biology, and also sleep. Figure out which of those things you want to give up on.

You celebrated the skyslider team, you suggested waterproofing methods to them, you notified Asuma of their capabilities, and I'm not clear on what the "Train Akane and any others on Team Uplift to use them from skytowers â using Shadow Clones for safety?.[sic]" line was supposed to mean (ask for information? actually do the training? with everyone or only Shadow Clones?) so you didn't do that.

This plan was way too big. I count eight scenes:
  1. Meet with Cantelope + Cantilever
  2. Meet with Cannai
  3. Celebrate Akane's birthday, which counts as 3 scenes because we've repeatedly said that birthdays are an update unto themselves
  4. Celebrate Akane's birthday, which counts as 3 scenes because we've repeatedly said that birthdays are an update unto themselves
  5. Celebrate Akane's birthday, which counts as 3 scenes because we've repeatedly said that birthdays are an update unto themselves
  6. Give the skyslider team a bonus and talk about waterproofing
  7. Train the family on flying the skysliders
  8. Talk to Asuma


Other than being way too big it was a decent plan; the individual pieces of it were well written and clear (except for that training one mentioned above) and you did a great job picking things that I would have enjoyed writing.

XP AWARD: 3

Brevity XP: 1

"GM had fun" XP: -5
  • -5 (As I've said before, every scene over 3 is -1 XP)


Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, December 15, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
Last edited:
Chapter 484: The Power of Teamwork

Immediately after Chapter 482, and not long before Chapter 483…

Ami's eyes glowed with the promise of a Leaf remade in her own image—the image of utter chaos, bent to purposes no sane man dared to imagine. Even Hazō hesitated to try. Fortunately, he strongly suspected that incoming revelations would distract her, just as they had distracted Orochimaru. Unfortunately, said revelations involved turning a powerful and unpredictable entity into a threat to a member of his own family, just as they had with Orochimaru. More unfortunately still, he had no choice. Kei might be objective in her narration, but given her track record of violent emotional reactions when hurt, it seemed like a bad idea to gamble Mari's safety on it. No, as Mari herself had taught Hazō, there were few more important tools in a politician's arsenal than the ability to anticipate and control the narrative.

"Actually," Hazō said, "before you transmute or destroy the foundations of my reality, could you do me a favour?"

The glow of doom faded a little. "A favour?" Ami asked. "That's certainly something, given how you're already so deep in debt with me that you can barely see the ancestors in the abyss far above you. Never set foot in a loan shark's office, Hazō."

"I think," Hazō said with perfect sincerity, "that you're far more dangerous than any loan shark I could find."

The glow faded a little further. Ami's lips stretched in what looked like an involuntary smile.

"For someone whose cause of death will be saying the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time, Hazō, every now and again you do manage to roll a critical hit. Not that, on reflection, you have anything to fear from loan sharks—at least not while you have Haru."

"That's over," Hazō said definitively. "The Gōketsu do not harm civilians just because it's easy. Don't get the wrong idea, Ami—I hate that it happened, and if it ever happens again, then it'll be because I failed to enforce clan values, and I will take proper responsibility."

"I know," Ami said. "Akane has so much faith in you it's frankly unhealthy, and you should be doing something about it before she ends up like Kei."

"You've been talking to Akane?" Hazō asked, mentally filing away the most disturbing idea he'd heard since—actually, he'd just heard about Ami planning to unleash her full creativity on Leaf. Never mind.

Ami nodded. "We have tea together from time to time. Her worldview is so weird and alien that it has value to me, like most weird and alien things, and unlike Rock Lee, she can explain it in a coherent fashion.

"But forget people who accidentally let slip all sorts of interesting information about the Gōketsu because lying is counter to the very core of their identity. What's this favour you want from me?"

Hazō would have to have a serious conversation with Akane at some point. Two serious conversations, in fact. No, three, since he still didn't know her position on the Mari-Kei issue and the last thing he wanted was the rift in the family to grow wider still.

Assuming she was alive.

"I'd like you to help me optimise a sensitive conversation which could have some very bad outcomes unless it's handled just right."

"Ooh." Ami grinned. "A challenge. The Frozen Skein sucks at optimising social, so this is going to come down to me and my personal awesomeness. Which, of course, will be reflected in the cost. Who's the lucky target?"

Hazō breathed in slowly, then out again. This was the first of the pivoting points that might decide Mari's fate.

"One Mori Ami," he said as casually as he could without giving away the fact that he wasn't feeling casual at all. "I need a means of persuasion so good that it will work on her even though she was the one to help optimise it. Do you think you can handle it?"

Ami's grin stretched to extraordinary proportions. "I knew there was a reason why I didn't warp your cognition and leave you a hollow puppet subordinate to my will the first time we met. What's the lucky topic?"

"Something that might make Ami very angry and generally trigger an impulse to do counterproductive things that I really don't want her to do."

Hazō pulled out his last remaining favour token, Hidden Sand green, and offered it to her.

Ami accepted it, studied it from several angles like a jeweller might study a flawless diamond handed to her by a grimy ne'er-do-well, then snapped it in two with a tap of her thumb.

"A pittance to offer for manipulating the Mori Ami. On the other hand, I've just gone from being perched on the verge of execution to being functionally untouchable in two villages, so I'm generally in a good mood. Also, you've shown a rare understanding of the insanity that defines my worldview, and I've dated people for less. Hit me."

First hurdle, cleared. Even if things only went downhill from here, Hazō was officially a genius of the highest order. He was willing to bet that there was no one else in Leaf, or possibly the world, who would have not only come up with this plan but dared to attempt it. He'd have to make sure to give her a post-interaction survey form as well.

"The first approach I'd like you to consider," he said, "is the raw emotional approach. First, we explain the emotional truth of the situation to Ami. Specifically, we tell her that Kei feels Mari sacrificed her for my sake, and that this was a betrayal beyond what she could endure."

The grin evaporated, leaving a chill mist that blurred Ami's feelings into unreadability.

"Did she."

"The important part," Hazō hurried on, "is that this is an accurate emotional portrayal from Kei's perspective. Presenting its impact up front would allow Ami to prepare, and then process it constructively as I add further factual details. The portrayal would also prominently include the fact that Kei has already applied appropriate sanctions for Mari's behaviour. Keeping that in mind over the course of the conversation would help Ami accept the final conclusion that the matter is already settled.

"And the sanctions?"

"Kei cut ties with her completely." It was still hard to believe even as Hazō said it. Irrationally, he himself felt a little betrayed, not by either of the two, but by a universe that had refused to give them the chance to heal and rebuild that they both deserved. With all the suffering already present in the world, with all the horror of an interested Orochimaru, was it really necessary to add more drama still?

"As far as she is concerned, they're strangers now, not even connected by a bond of revenge. In other words, to Kei, it's over. Also, there's no longer a bond of trust to break, so Mari isn't able to betray Kei again in the future.

"I'm hoping that this approach will persuade Ami that, even though Kei was hurt, the incident is concluded, so there's no need for her to involve herself in a destructive fashion."

"I see."

"I'm aware of the obvious possibility for failure," Hazō went on. "Presenting the most impactful part first—Kei being hurt badly enough to cut ties—might cause Ami to view the matter in the most negative possible light instead, and then it'll be a lot harder to recover the situation than it would be otherwise."

Ami gave a thoughtful nod. "Yeah, that's a nice stab at how things might go wrong—if you're an optimist who makes Akane look like Kei. You're drawing Ami's attention to Kei being hurt and Mari getting proper consequences. Obviously, Ami's going to ask if the consequences did the job. Is Kei actually protected? Is Mari actually punished enough? You're gambling that she'll reach the same conclusions as you, yet your analysis is too shallow to serve as a secure foundation."

Ami's voice cooled—not in an aggressive way, but in a way that cut off the warm emotional connection with which they'd started the conversation. Her footsteps grew more regular as they approached the compound gates, then walked past them into the forest. Hazō had no choice but to follow.

"I would say that first, Ami would challenge the connection between cutting ties and the impossibility of future betrayal. In Ami's model of Kei, Kei claiming that she no longer has an emotional connection with Mari does not mean she would be able to follow through at a core level, at least not without a great deal of time. Lovers terminating a relationship constantly assert, to both each other and themselves, that it is 'over' in the most final way possible. As ways to cope with the pain of parting go, it is one of the least effective. Ami has been the object of many lingering attachments, and is aware that special means are needed to sever them swiftly and efficiently. Kei lacks this expertise, and as long as interaction with Mari continues, in any form, it is possible for Mari to reopen the wound with further betrayals.

"By the same token, Mari's continued presence in Kei's life, the reminder of the lost bond, would likely be the greatest risk factor for continuing pain, more than mourning her death. As an experienced shinobi, Ami is aware that the intensity of mourning is attenuated both by time and by the development of coping mechanisms that make the difference between one's own life and death. She would thus conclude that her natural instinct to destroy Mari in vengeance was supported by straightforward practical concerns. Conversely, in the unlikely event that the loss of emotional connection was genuine, Ami would no longer need to concern herself with Kei's reaction to Mari's death or total excoriation, and could give herself over fully to the desire to inflict punishment based on her own preferences.

"On the whole, this approach is very unreliable for the purpose of achieving your goal, which I presume is to protect Mari from excruciating destruction at Ami's hands."

She paused.

"Your concern that it would cause Ami to view the matter in the most negative light implies that there is more, which Ami could potentially consider to be even worse than the emotional betrayal. Obviously, my optimisation will be flawed if I am lacking information which Ami is likely to learn or be influenced by in her ultimate response."

"True," Hazō agreed, a little shaken by his success so far. "But my second approach will deal with that. I'd do things in the opposite order: start at the beginning and go through events chronologically, culminating in the sanctions, vividly described. Following the arc would let Ami conclude with a feeling of righteous justice, and finally catharsis, and a feeling that the issue was resolved.

"Of course, the danger is that Ami might reach the end, and the emotional high, only to feel the sanctions were insufficient, and then you have an Ami still filled with righteous justice and you've run out of narrative. It would be hard to recover from something like that."

"So what are the events chronologically?" Ami asked. "I can hardly model without."

Hazō gulped. This was the point where, if Ami snapped out of helpful mode, it was over.

"You know how I ran a summoner gaming night after the Battle of Five Clans? I told Noburi to invite all the summoners, and, unbelievably, Orochimaru turned up—though I think he would have done anyway because he needed to bring the Snake champion. Anyway, I decided that letting him interact with my family and their Bloodline Limits was a terrible idea, so I tried to draw him off into a private one-on-one conversation. My first few openers didn't break the ice, and eventually I hit on the idea of talking about the Great Seal. It's been my hope for a while to get him interested in helping with the Great Seal, though less so now when avoiding his attention is a massive priority.

"Anyway, in the process of telling him about the Great Seal, I accidentally hinted at a clan secret that drew his attention, and it looked like he was about to take me home and vivisect me, or something equally awful, in order to find out more. Mari turned up at the last second, and managed to lie her head off and convince him the clan secret was something boring and not worth his time. Unfortunately, it was starting to look like it wasn't enough, and he might take me away on principle."

He could tell Ami knew where this was going by the way the winter was suddenly a lot more wintry. After all, he'd mentioned sacrifice at the start.

"Mari had to come up with an idea in a matter of seconds while under enormous pressure. The idea she came up with was to point him at Snowflake as a cognitively-independent shadow clone, because he would love to have cognitively independent shadow clones to generate ideas, and therefore at Kei. She figured that, with Kei not being literally in the room and about to be taken, and with her having all her political allies and assets to protect her, she had much better chances of survival than I did."

Ami nodded, but didn't say anything.

"She told Orochimaru that Kei was in one of the far outbuildings, and led him there, when she was actually in the central room, thereby buying us time to get away at massive risk to her own life. We went to take shelter with the Nara and plan our next move, and then in the morning we got the news about Cloud. With Hinata's help, we managed to persuade Asuma to send Orochimaru out of the village on a mission, and then we persuaded Tsunade to come down on him before he left, and he promised not to kidnap anyone. I don't know what that's worth, but it's something. More importantly, we told him he couldn't have his own cognitively-independent shadow clones because he wasn't a Mori, and apparently that was good enough, so Kei should be in the clear." Assuming he didn't suspect a lie, given that Mari had only just lied to him the previous day.

"Why did the Hokage not deal with Orochimaru personally?" Ami interrupted.

"That's not relevant to the optimisation," Hazō said carefully. "What's relevant is that after it was all over, Kei told Mari that, even though it had been a rationally correct decision, Mari's willingness to sacrifice her to save me also meant she could never trust Mari again, and that they weren't family anymore—or anything else. It was devastating for Mari"—probably; Mari had avoided showing her true feelings on the subject to anyone—"and it was made even worse when they saw each other again at a party, and Mari tried to apologise, and both Kei and Snowflake completely rejected her. On top of that, Yuno's taken Kei's side and thinks Mari and I acted immorally, which I kind of get given Yuno's background, but it's another thing for Mari to have to live with every day. Honestly, I suspect the only reason Yuno hasn't murdered her is that I gave her direct orders and she respects the command structure.

"So do you think structuring it that way would work on Ami?"

Ami was silent for a long time. In the stillness of the snowy forest, it felt like forever.

"I believe you have missed an essential point," she said. "You have described circumstances under which Mari actively threatened Kei's life, and acted according to a rationale which is unaltered by her loss of connection to Kei. If anything, if Mari accepts Kei's decision, she is more likely to sacrifice her in the future, since her value to Mari will have decreased while yours and that of others will not.

"This leaves Ami with a problem to solve, and two choices of how to solve it. First, she could alter Mari's calculations such that Kei is more valuable than anyone she might be sacrificed to protect. However, Mari is too powerful for Ami to brainwash. Orochimaru or Tsunade might be capable of it, but persuading them to do so would be prohibitively difficult. Nor is it possible to blackmail Mari—clearly, the obvious thought of Ami's vengeance did not stop her in the original event. Persuasion would certainly be a fool's task, since Ami would have no control over whether Mari changed her mind when a new sacrificing opportunity arose. That means the only way is to eliminate everyone who might conceivably be more valuable to Mari than Kei, beginning with yourself.

"Alternatively, Mari must be eliminated, or disabled in a way that would prevent her from exercising her agency against Kei—in other words, made physically incapable of violence or communication in a way beyond Tsunade's ability to restore.

"Of these options, eliminating Mari is easiest, most reliable, and least problematic for Ami's future plans, although the torture element of incapacitation holds emotional appeal.

"With all this in mind, it is irrelevant whether Ami considers Kei's sanctions against Mari to be sufficient. To Ami, Kei's safety overrides any concerns of justice."

The cold seeping through Hazō (probably) had nothing to do with Ami's jōnin aura. If you took protecting Kei as your absolute priority with which you could take no risks, and if you thought that nothing you could do, nothing Mori Ami could do, posed enough of a deterrent… he could see how murder would begin to look appealing.

"All right," Hazō said. "I'm guessing that also rules out the next approach I was going to suggest, which was reciting the events in a completely neutral fashion and trusting in Ami's sense of fairness to reach a constructive conclusion."

"Indeed," Ami agreed. "The notion of fairness is orthogonal to protecting Kei from future sacrifice. For that matter, Ami respects Mari's powers of deception, and would not be able to completely trust that any display of suffering or contrition would be genuine, in nature or in extent. This is one reason why I&S specialists do not make genuine emotional bonds with each other."

Like sister, like sister.

"So arguing that Ami's desires have already been satisfied is a no-go," Hazō concluded. "That's fine. We can still switch tracks completely and go for an empathetic approach. There are distinct parallels between Mari's actions and some of Ami's actions, and highlighting those might help Ami understand Mari's standpoint and look for a less destructive solution, or become aware that her intent to hurt Mari would be hypocritical. Of course, Ami might not see it that way, or she might not care about being a hypocrite, but it's worth a try."

"What parallels are these?" Ami asked neutrally.

"First, I could propose to Ami that Mari sees me the way that Ami sees Kei. If Ami believes that her actions with regard to protecting Kei are justified, even at risk to others' lives, then surely she can feel compassion for Mari's decision to do the same thing.

Ami shook her head almost immediately. "Ami would never accept the premise. First, she possesses a strong irrational belief that her love for Kei is unique and incomparable, just as Kei is unique and incomparable. Second, she would draw on the more reasonable argument that Ami has loved Kei since the age of four, that love only being strengthened through its endurance of changes in both of their personalities and their relationship over fifteen years, and having become a core constituent element of their personalities. You would not be able to persuade Ami that a fully-developed twenty-[REDACTED] adult could achieve the same with your teenage self over two years of acquaintance. The attempt would risk offending her, which would impact further dialogue, as well as reducing her faith in your emotional intelligence."

"OK," Hazō said, "should've seen that coming. What about the Final Gift Programme?"

Ami gave him a quizzical look. "Is that relevant?"

"I think so," Hazō said. "Mari took a risk with Kei's life as a way for me to escape the threat posed by Orochimaru. Ami knows that threat full well, because she made the much greater, ongoing sacrifice of numerous KEI ninja for the same purpose. I also recently met Kichi Gai, who told me that Ami permits him to manipulate people into sacrificing themselves even when they otherwise wouldn't, still for the same purpose."

"Wow," Ami said. "That sure would be a great way to shut down dialogue fast. Hazō, I don't think you get what the Final Gift Programme is. When Ami created it, in what she considers a burst of genius to be proud of given the extreme constraints she was under—she created a single solution to a whole bunch of problems. Ami survives, starving families get saved, Orochimaru stops kidnapping innocents, and the Hokage stops losing face and having his authority undermined because he can't stop Orochimaru kidnapping innocents. For every ninja enjoying Orochimaru's hospitality right now, there's a family that's not going to starve or do any of the vile things that poor people are forced to do in order not to starve."

"Ami could have persuaded the Hokage to pay the families of crippled ninja anyway, without any of the torture and death," Hazō countered.

"Mm-hmm," Ami said. "Ami would not be impressed by that argument. First, it's a moot point because if she hadn't offered Orochimaru something really good, she wouldn't have made it out of the compound alive, and nobody would've got anything. Failing to follow through once she was out? Probably even worse. Second, seven Hokage in a row haven't given a toss about crippled ninja. Nor have any other Kage, to the best of my knowledge. It's not like they're hidden in some underground catacomb, you know—every Hokage sees mission reports saying 'X lost her legs and is no longer fit for duty', makes a note, then moves on to the next. No, it took getting a concrete reward—chaining the monster in the Basement—before the Seventh signed up to throwing money at people who couldn't give him anything in return. Ami is a cynic, with very little time for the notion of altruism from those in power.

"But that's not the big one, because Ami is very confident in her abilities. If you asked her whether she really couldn't manipulate a Hokage into throwing money away with no reward, her pride wouldn't let her claim surrender. The big one's the kidnappings. In Ami's mind, putting an end to the kidnappings—something the Hokage himself couldn't do—is a major gift to the KEI, not only in terms of ninja lives saved (and also civilian lives, but she doesn't care about those so much), but also in terms of the peace of mind that every ninja has from knowing the boogeyman isn't going to turn up and kidnap and murder them or their loved ones. Going on a mission while knowing your loved ones are back in Mist and might be in danger and you aren't there to protect them is a genuine risk factor for mission failure; Ami would have no problem running the numbers for you.

"Also, Kichi Gai's a sadistic, power-tripping asshole whose continued survival is an unfortunate consequence of the KEI Master Database: crippled ninja who lift their families out of poverty through ninjutsu trade et cetera aren't going to sacrifice themselves, meaning Orochimaru gets fewer sacrifices, meaning he gets less happy, meaning there's an increasing risk of the Programme shutting down, at which point we go back to regular kidnappings. Also people with less to trade, like taijutsu specs, who incidentally happen to be the most at risk from crippling injury, go back to watching their families starve to death. That means there has to be some mechanism to make sure enough people keep signing up, even as the community's fortunes improve overall.

"I think Ami would be very pissed at you for describing her imperfect solution to four different problems—five if you include power maximisation—as a purely selfish act of mass murder. In theory, she could even argue that her survival is of more net benefit to the KEI and Leaf and the AMI and Mist than the lives of those crippled ninja, but I don't think she would because she's too self-centred to weigh her life against anyone else's (except Kei's, which weighs more).

"The other thing is, with you framing this issue in terms of hypocrisy, Ami would immediately point out that you never did anything for crippled ninja yourself, despite being keenly aware of their issues. In principle, you could even have gone to the Hokage yourself and persuaded him that they deserved payment without having to sacrifice themselves. Now, that's not specifically a counter to your approach, since it doesn't affect her actions as weighed against Mari's, but you have to consider how seriously Ami will take your judgement if she decides you're a hypocrite accusing her of being a hypocrite.

"I think I've made a sufficient case for why the empathetic approach as you've presented it would backfire disastrously, but there's one last issue to consider. Ami's model of you says that her actions as you've presented them—causing the torturous deaths of dozens of innocents for her personal benefit—should be monstrous and unacceptable in your eyes. However, the model also says that you would intervene if you saw someone you care about performing monstrous acts. Yet you have never attempted to persuade her to stop, or to seek more moral alternatives. To Ami, who is constantly looking for additional data points with which to navigate the ambiguity of your relationship, that you should not confront her until you need a tool to use in an argument tilts that ambiguity heavily away from 'family' and towards 'outsider'. It is best not to dwell on the emotional implications at this time, except to advise you not to follow up such an argument with any appeal to the relationship between Ami and the Gōketsu."

"Got it," Hazō said.

That was… no, he had to keep his mind on his objective. Everything took second place to making sure they got out of this without a conflict between Mari and Ami.

"Let's go the other way," he said. "Not empathy, but pragmatism. Suppose we focus on the reasons why Ami's initial desires, with regard to inflicting harm on Mari, would be counterproductive. There's any number of reasons for that. Mari is a jōnin and necessary in wartime, so Ami would be endangering Leaf and angering the Hokage, who might execute her, or imprison her, or banish her from Leaf, and in any of those scenarios she wouldn't be able to protect Kei or see her again at all. The Gōketsu would be forced to protect her, and then Ami would have to hurt us as well, and that would hurt Kei emotionally, even if she didn't care about Mari herself. It would risk undermining the Leaf-Mist alliance, and then Mist might not help us against Rock and it would put Leaf and Kei in danger. And so on.

"If Ami takes this reasoning seriously, that gives us an opportunity to pivot to discussing constructive responses to the situation, at which point the fundamental problem is solved and we can just apply our intelligence to figuring out which alternative is best."

Ami considered. "Better. I'm sorry to say that your emotional appeals don't show a very good model of Ami's personality—which isn't a big deal, since there's only one person in the world with a good model of Ami's personality—but pragmatism is equally effective coming from anyone.

"Your problem is the aforementioned threat to Kei's life. For as long as inflicting harm on Mari is necessary to protect Kei, the consequences don't matter. Ami will sacrifice anything and everything, including herself, for that purpose.

"More broadly, Ami doesn't think in terms of insuperable barriers. If it's necessary to eliminate Mari without angering the Hokage, she will find a way to eliminate Mari without angering the Hokage. If eliminating Mari would hurt Kei, she would find a way to minimise that hurt, though I would say that Ami is unlikely to consider that a major issue when Kei's life is at stake. If it's necessary to eliminate Mari without undermining the Leaf-Mist alliance, then she would have to make sure the alliance was sufficiently solid, or that Mari's death would not have a strong impact on it, or she could simply wait until the war was over, though this is undesirable because it could leave plenty of time for Mari to attempt to sacrifice Kei again.

"You cannot propose an obstacle which Ami would feel herself abjectly unable to overcome, and while ordinarily, some obstacles would be too expensive to be worth bothering with, this does not apply where Kei is concerned. Her only issue would be settling matters before Kei is in danger of sacrifice again."

"In other words," Hazō said, "we won't get anywhere unless we can persuade Ami that Kei's life isn't in any further danger."

"I would say not."

"That actually fits my next suggested approach," Hazō said, "which is try to convince Ami to accept my best-light interpretation of the situation. Mari objectively did her best to save everyone, which is to say that she not only chose the highest-probability gamble, but she also put her life on the line by lying to Orochimaru—and he did hurt her as a result—and she was right in thinking that, thanks to both of us getting out of the building and then getting help from Kei's allies, we'd be able to get through the situation without anyone being kidnapped by Orochimaru, now or in the future.

"Besides, it averted the worst-case scenario where Orochimaru found out about Snowflake at some random later date, and kidnapped Kei at a time when we weren't ready to marshal all our resources to save her.

"In other words, everyone did their best and everything worked out for the best. Following that up by hurting Mari would only ruin the success."

"The Snowflake point is an interesting one," Ami said thoughtfully, "and might give Ami pause. What concerns me is that you are approaching the incident solely from the perspective of consequences. As a logistician by blood, Ami is inclined to consider probabilities, and the more she considers the issue, the more she will identify points where, but for a greater or lesser amount of luck, everything would have ended in ruin. Ami can not only generate many scenarios of failure, but also estimate their probabilities to her own satisfaction.

"Recall that Ami's concern is Mari's initial act of sacrifice. It does not help your case for Ami to think, 'Mari was prepared to risk Kei's life with only a 70% probability that she would die'. Nor 50%. Nor 30%. There is no plausible number that Ami would consider acceptable, insofar as it is only through deliberate mental discipline that she accepts Kei's right to risk her own life by serving as a ninja. Nor is it permissible for Mari to believe that there is such a number.

"Furthermore, even if Ami were to approve entirely of Mari's handling of the situation in general terms, which I believe to be entirely possible, general terms do not apply to Kei. As far as Ami is concerned, Kei is exceptional in every way, and any situation involving her must be analysed on its own terms.

"Moving back to the perspective of consequences, to Ami, hurting Mari would also be a natural part of the consequences of endangering Kei, no less so than Kei severing ties with Mari. Indeed, it would have been much more predictable than the other elements of the outcome, as Ami is extremely predictable when it comes to Kei."

"I'm running low on ideas here," Hazō admitted. "There's still the adversarial approach, which I really don't want to turn to, but needs listing because right now I'll take anything. Suppose we bribed or threatened Ami?"

Ami gave him an incredulous look. "What with?"

"In terms of bribing, there's nothing one can bribe Ami with except a favour, is there?" Hazō asked. "Favours are convertible into any other kind of good or service."

Ami nodded. "That is certainly Ami's perspective. However, given your existing debt to Ami, and the fact that the issue concerns Kei's safety, it seems unlikely that a favour from you would carry meaningful weight. What about threats? What could you threaten Ami with?"

"The Gōketsu are a powerful clan," Hazō said. "We have options. We could refuse to cooperate with Ami on future projects. We could actively obstruct her or even damage her general position in Leaf. In an adversarial scenario, Mari would have no reason not to go all out, and we'd have no reason not to go all out to protect her. There's also that one thing she's hoping for from us which we could withhold if we had to."

Ami chuckled. "Hazō, Ami is fresh from having brought down a Kage. She is in no mental state to submit to intimidation, and she certainly considers her position in Leaf to be stronger than the Gōketsu's, insofar as both have made disproportionate contributions to Leaf and both hold the promise of many more, but only one has a track record of risking the village's very survival. Moving the conflict from an Ami versus Mari to an Ami versus Gōketsu footing would not improve your situation. As for the other thing, you are not the only one in Leaf with the capability. Ami has plenty of contacts who would happily help her to fill in the blanks if you refused to share.

"It is probably worth mentioning, since it hasn't come up and I can't be sure you'll figure it out for yourself, that all manner of interesting things will happen if I die while certain conditions are met. Making Kei sad would be the least of the perpetrator's problems.

"Anyway. Threatening Ami. Terrible idea. Either she doesn't consider you a credible threat and will laugh in your face, or she does consider you a credible threat and will act the way any jōnin does when faced with a credible threat."

"Then that just leaves one thing," Hazō said wearily. "I could stage a crisis big enough to distract Ami from the whole thing."

Ami gave this one some thought.

"No. My model of Ami says that in a crisis big enough to distract her from her sister's welfare, she'd eliminate Mari first to make sure she didn't do anything stupid while Ami was elsewhere. Especially if it's any crisis that could theoretically be mitigated by throwing Kei under the cart."

"All right," Hazō said. "I've presented a bunch of options, and none of them sound very good. Now you know what they are, what approach would you take to reach an optimal outcome with Ami?"

"What indeed," Ami mused. "This is a tough one. If I'd known, I'd have charged you more."

After a few minutes of silently walking through the snow, Ami turned to Hazō.

"I think you'll want to start with the second approach. Describe the situation accurately, then build up to the full extent of Mari's punishment thus far. That will indicate to Ami that you have some awareness of the gravity of the situation, but you have to shift to the pragmatic approach fast, before she can decide that you've missed the safety implications and she has to do the rest on her own.

"The pragmatic approach is the lynchpin of your argument. You have no chance unless you can present a convincing constructive proposal to ensure that Mari will not risk Kei's life again, with 100% certainty. Unfortunately, there is information known to Ami but not to you which predisposes Ami to be sceptical of Mari's capacity for consistency. Since you have proved that you cannot prevent Mari from making decisions which place Kei in danger, you must instead persuade Ami that you can create a situation in which Mari is permanently unable or unwilling to harm Kei. Ami is likely to have her own thoughts on the subject.

"With this accomplished, you will want the best-light approach, as your task will now be to convince Ami that Mari should not receive additional punishment or elimination for hurting Kei yet again. The Snowflake point is a good one, and you should definitely use it, but your priority is Kei's feelings in the aftermath, so you will want a certain element of the first approach in there as well.

"Be sure to finish off with an apology, reflecting your culpability as Mari's superior, but also personal guilt as Kei's brother. If there isn't an element of genuine contrition in there, then Ami will think you've done all this purely to bargain for Mari's life—which is true, but she doesn't need to know that.

"Is that all clear?"

"Yeah," Hazō said, a little dizzy at everything that had just happened and was about to happen. "Thank you, Ami."

"This is no weather for dress rehearsals," Ami said, "so let's get started. Good luck."

-o-​

"Ami," Hazō began, "there's an incident you need to know about that happened right before you left."

Ami perked up. "The good kind of incident, like Anko's clothes falling off because Tsuchiko put stitch-eater worms in her box in the changing rooms? The bad kind of incident, like when Hyūga Dōshi got caught wandering around the Red Light District and was forced to pay the voyeur fee to every brothel at once? Or the weird kind of incident, like a hail of perfectly regular cubes falling on Leaf right as I'm standing outside a metalworker's trying to pick a good chopping knife?"

"The bad kind of incident," Hazō said. "I invited Orochimaru to the summon gaming night on the assumption that he wouldn't want to come, though I think he'd have had to come anyway to bring the Snake champion. In the process of distracting him from my family and their Bloodline Limits, I ended up talking to him about the Great Seal, and accidentally hinted at a clan secret which he found the vivisection kind of interesting. Then Mari came in at the last second and persuaded him it was nothing important after all. Unfortunately, then he started getting interested in me again, and Mari, under enormous pressure and with only seconds to think, ended up pointing him at Kei."

"She did what." Ami's glare was worryingly authentic, and liable to burn a hole in Hazō if he didn't hurry on.

"She told him about cognitively-independent shadow clones, which she rightly guessed were very interesting to him, and then, once he was no longer focused on kidnapping and vivisecting me, she led him away to the other end of the compound while I ran away with Kei. We ended up taking shelter with the Nara. Then, in the morning, there was a Clan Council meeting about the Cloud invasion, and we managed to get Orochimaru sent on a mission with Hinata's help. Finally, we persuaded Tsunade to come down on Orochimaru and make him promise to stop kidnapping people. We also explained that he couldn't have his own Snowflake without being a Mori, and he seemed to accept that."

"Why didn't the Hokage come down on Orochimaru himself?" Ami asked.

"No comment," Hazō said, grateful for the rehearsal. "Anyway, after it was all over, Kei told Mari that even though she thought she'd done the rational thing, it also meant she could never trust Mari again, and things were over between them. Now Mari's miserable, and to make things worse, Yuno's taken Kei's side, and the only reason Mari hasn't been murdered is that I gave Yuno explicit clan head orders. Oh, and also Orochimaru did something vicious to her after she lied to him, and she's only recently recovered. Mari's paid an enormous price for what she's done, and I'm sure she's"—probably—"wracked with guilt as well."

"I see," Ami said. "Where is Mari right now?"

"Out on a mission," Hazō said quickly. "But before you worry about that, I want to promise you that Mari will never do anything like that again. I'm happy to work with you to come up with a way to make you confident of that."

"Oh?" Ami asked sceptically. "What makes you sure you can stop her when you couldn't last time? Or that you can stop her from doing it when she's out of your sight? What guarantee can you possibly offer me that's better for Kei's safety than utterly destroying the woman who deliberately risked my sister's life?"

This was the sticking point. What could Hazō actually do? Was there any order he could give Mari that would convince Ami that she would never risk Kei's life again? Was there any order he could give Mari to convince her? Given that, ethics aside, Mari's actions had been objectively optimal for the goal of saving everyone, could he sincerely tell her to do the wrong thing next time and let him or someone else die, as long as Kei lived? Would she listen? He somehow doubted that clan head orders would override her desire to protect them. She'd brought Orochimaru's anger down on herself for them; she'd risk punishment for disobeying.

"A contract." The idea struck the Dog Summoner out of nowhere.

Ami looked intrigued. "A contract?"

"A contract," Hazō affirmed. "We can promise that if Mari tries to sacrifice Kei again, the consequences will be so terrible that it'll be worse than whatever Mari stands to get out of it. More terrible than letting me die, for example. Since I don't think Mari intends to ever sacrifice Kei, even without a contract, I'm comfortable giving terms you'd feel confident with in return for you not hurting Mari now."

"And what can you offer me?" Ami asked. "What's so awful that it is 100% guaranteed to override Mari's instincts to protect her family at the cost of mine?"

Hazō hesitated. "I don't know yet. Pretty much by definition, I'd have to pledge something big enough that it would be irresponsible to pledge it without consulting with my clan first."

"Mmm," Ami said. "A good example would be a legal precommitment to hand over all Gōketsu assets to the Hyūga in the event that a clan member makes a deliberate choice to endanger Kei's life without her consent, including severe risk to her health, or a deliberate choice to allow such endangerment, as judged by Mori Ami, or, should she be unavailable, by her named representatives."

"That's… extreme," Hazō said slowly.

"Hazō," Ami said with icy patience, "the only guarantee for Mari not to sacrifice Kei to save you is if the consequences for everyone would be far worse than your death. Now, it's a good suggestion, and I'm open to negotiation, but bear in mind that this time, you're responsible, not just Mari. If she or anyone else sacrifices Kei because you didn't do enough to stop them, I will take everything I have, without exception, and use it to utterly annihilate you, them, and the Gōketsu. It is in your interest to give the clan compelling motivation never to think of doing it, and based on Mari's actions, fear of me isn't good enough for that.

"You have a week to come up with something, during which I'll be busy laying down contingencies in case you renege."

Hazō shivered at the implacability in her voice. This was definitely not the Ami he'd been optimising with.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Great," Ami said. "That just leaves the issue of how to handle the fact that Mari hurt Kei, even worse this time, after I let her off exclusively because Kei wanted me to. Mercy is cute, but sooner or later, you have to face reality."

"Ami," Hazō said, remembering his briefing, "please remember that, whatever choices were made, everything ended well. I'm safe. Kei's safe, and now she doesn't have to worry about Orochimaru randomly finding out about Snowflake and kidnapping her without us knowing." What had she said? Kei's feelings? "Kei drew a line herself. She did probably the worst thing she could do to Mari."

"All that tells me," Ami said, "is that Kei lacked options. Mari used her as a tool knowing she could die. Never wanting to see her again is a given; it's not punishment. Nor is it prevention of further crimes."

"Kei chose her own way to deal with the situation." Hazō had a sense that he needed to tread lightly. If he got too confrontational, Ami might argue with him, or she might just lose interest and leave to do whatever terrible things she intended to do. "I don't know if she could have hurt Mari worse, but she didn't try. She decided this was what was best. If you ruin that for her, if you decide to take revenge for her when she didn't take revenge for herself, will that be the right thing to do?"

Ami didn't answer straight away.

"Yes," she said, but her voice wasn't quite as rigid. "Kei is too gentle. Too kind. She doesn't value herself as much as she deserves, and she lets people hurt her and get away with it. I've had enough."

"This is the ending Kei wanted," Hazō reiterated. "Don't you think you'll hurt her worse if you change it without her consent, and violate her agency, and then she's stuck living with the consequences?"

"And what about me?!" Ami demanded. "Should I stand by for the rest of my life, watching her get hurt, watching her suffer, and pretending it's OK because she still hasn't learned to fight back? You give big speeches about how the Gōketsu protect their own, but you want me to do nothing while the Heartbreaker does what she does best to my only sister? You nearly ended a clan for being rude to her, but I'm supposed to brush off Mari abusing and destroying her trust?"

Maybe the stress and the accumulated tiredness of the day had left Hazō's brain in a slightly stranger place than its normal strangeness, maybe his mind just happened to be in the right shape at the right time, but something enormous went click in his head at her words, just like that.

"Ami," he asked, "why didn't you do anything about the kids bullying Kei?"

Ami froze. Completely. Perfectly. Silently.

Hazō waited.

"Because she asked me not to," Ami said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because she said she could endure anything as long as I was there to greet her with a smile at the end of the day, but if I became someone who went around hurting people who hurt her… I might not be able to smile like that anymore."

Hazō stood there for a while, soaking that in. He'd found his path to victory.

"Has that really changed?"

"She has other people's smiles to sustain her now," Ami said. Her voice trembled a little. "I'm allowed to protect her for my own sake."

Ah. Hazō's path to victory had turned out to lead him off a cliff, and also well away from helpful-Ami's conversation plan.

"Even at the cost of her agency?" he tried.

"People's agencies come into conflict all the time," Ami said, voice growing stronger. "Doing something she'd disapprove of isn't the same as violating her agency."

Hazō had a sharp, urgent feeling that he was running out of time. He needed something more potent.

"Even if it betrays her trust?"

"I never promised her not to hurt Mari for my own sake." Ami turned around, back towards Leaf.

"Would she want you to?"

"Mari is nobody to her now," Ami said. "She gets no protection."

No. He was doing it wrong. He'd been on the right track with Ami's plan, but now that he was off the map, clinging to it wasn't going to save him.

"Will hurting her make you happy?" he asked.

"Won't know until I try."

Gah.

"Ami, can you—"

"Twenty questions is over, Hazō." She cut him off. "You've lost."

He'd lost. He'd failed to protect Mari after she'd risked everything to protect him. Kei was the only piece of leverage he'd ever had against Ami, and when Ami was unchained from Kei, it turned out Hazō had no backup options.

Now, something disastrous was going to happen. Probably not lethal—that was what the contract was for—but Hazō honestly had no idea what Ami would and wouldn't do to hurt somebody she felt needed hurting. The last two people she decided to hurt were in jail for treason and being hunted as a missing-nin.

He wouldn't give up. There had to be something he could do for the woman who'd put her life in Orochimaru's hands for him. If he couldn't win against Ami...

It wasn't about winning against Ami.

The last time he'd fought to protect someone, he hadn't been able to win against Ami either. That time, he'd been fighting for Kei. And the thing that had saved her, after Hazō's intellect had failed him…

The Gōketsu went pretty damn far. Hazō sank into dogeza. In the snow.

"Ami."

She turned around.

"If you're doing this for yourself, then that means you can stop. Please stop. Mari is precious to us. To me, to Noburi, to Akane, to Kagome… She's like a mother, or a sister, or an aunt, or something else we don't have words for. She is to us what she was to Kei before Kei cut her off. If you hurt her, you'll hurt all of us, deeply. If you kill her, you'll leave a hole in our hearts that won't heal. I'm not asking you for Kei's sake. I'm not asking you for Mari's sake. I'm asking you for ours."

Then, he waited, because Ami didn't respond.

He waited some more, without being able to see her expression because that was how dogeza worked.

An unexpected sensation of touch.

Before he knew it, Ami had pulled him up to his feet.

"Thanks, Hazō," Ami said. "I think Ami must have got a lot out of that."

Then she pushed him, just enough to make him take a couple of steps back, not enough to make him lose his balance.

"But the meta's over now," she added. "So are… other things. Go home, Hazō."

Hazō went home. Ami went in the opposite direction, deeper into the forest.

-o-​

You have received 5 + 1 (fun-to-write) = 6 XP.

-o-

This update is dedicated to @faflec, his final, and the success of both.

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Chapter 485, Part 1: Complicated Feelings

A respectable quorum of the Gōketsu Clan—Hazō, Noburi, Akane, Kei, and Snowflake—sat in a circle of sofas and luxury armchairs around a table laden with green tea and biscuits, while a well-stocked hearth crackled comfortably in the background. Say what you like about the Nara, they knew how to set up a private discussion space.

The hearth was just as well, since the conversation topic Hazō had brought was pretty sensitive, and it was unlikely they'd get through this without a single instance of Kei's bone-chilling allegedly-not-an-aura firing off at some point. He hoped that bringing the clan's most stable, diplomatic minds (it was worrying that the clan's actual diplomat was not on that list) would help smooth the course to a murder-free resolution to the Ami problem.

"Hazō, Akane, it is good to see you as usual," Kei began, and Snowflake nodded. "Noburi, it is very rare to see you here. Have you finally been drawn in by the siren lure of fresh Nara baked goods?"

Noburi shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Yuno tends to get antsy when she thinks we're spending time alone together. Sorry."

"She does?" Kei asked. "Why?"

"Because everyone knows that the Pangolin Summoner, being Akio's Chosen, is irresistibly attractive to men," Akane explained in a matter-of-fact voice that only slightly trembled with amusement, "while Gōketsu Noburi, being Gōketsu Noburi, is irresistibly attractive to women. It's a disastrous combination even before you consider the fact that Yuno has Satsuko-sharp intuition and you two have a history."

"We do not have a history!" two people exclaimed in unison.

"Maybe you should make that clearer to her," Akane said wryly.

"Yuno is just drawing on some bizarre aspect of Isanese religion, yes?" Kei asked with a touch of trepidation. "I am not actually irresistibly attractive to men?"

"With our stellar social skills, I can see us missing any number of romantic advances," Snowflake agreed.

"I think I've seen a few men successfully resist you," Akane said, "but you should probably keep an eye out at the next KEI meeting."

"Enough of this horrifying subject," Kei said, bringing a teacup up in front of her as if in a warding gesture. "Surely this red-sign discussion topic that you have brought to us will provide innocent solace and relief to my frayed nerves."

Hazō, Akane, and Noburi exchanged glances.

"Yes," Hazō agreed, "only the opposite of that. You know how Ami just got back from Mist?"

Kei glanced alertly at Snowflake.

Snowflake spent a few seconds looking at Hazō, studying his expression.

"I will be fine," she muttered.

"Right," Hazō said. "So after the war council, she and I ended up talking…"

-o-​

"…and then she just walked off into the Forest of Death as if it was nothing."

Kei and Snowflake sat in silence, absorbing. Occasionally, they exchanged silent looks for a couple of seconds.

Then, without warning, Kei exploded.

"What is wrong with you people?" she demanded. "Is my agency a joke to you? A toy? A piece of wishful thinking by a child unqualified to manage her own affairs? First Mari conducts an independent risk assessment, decides that the risk of my death is sufficiently low, and plunges me into mortal danger without my knowledge or consent. Then Ami conducts an independent risk assessment, decides that the risk of my death is sufficiently high, and threatens my clan on my behalf without my knowledge or consent. I find myself longing for the halcyon days when you merely pretended my feelings were irrelevant to you dancing on the ashes of my most treasured relationship, while Shikamaru declared me his fiancée before a world nearly as shocked as myself."

"I don't think it's a fair comparison, Kei," Hazō objected. "Mari was sincerely trying to find the best possible outcome for everyone. You yourself acknowledged that much."

"You're talking like that justifies anything," Snowflake cut in. "The last time we talked, you yourself admitted—"

Kei sharply held up a hand. "Apologies, but if this is going where I expect, could I ask you two to step outside for a minute?"

"Sure," Akane said. "Can I take a biscuit with me?"

"OPSEC stuff?" Noburi asked.

Kei nodded to both.

Once the door was closed, Snowflake continued. "You told us that, despite understanding why the Hokage acted the way he did, you were furious with him, and felt that a bond of trust between you had been betrayed, yes?"

"That's right," Hazō said. "Some of us get killboxed at the very first hint that we're not loyal to the Hokage, but I'm just supposed to smile and nod when he acts disloyal to us?"

"And this does not strike you as at all hypocritical?" Snowflake asked. "Consider. Like Mari, the Hokage was faced with Orochimaru, a threat against which all his conventional tools were useless. Like Mari, instead of accepting a high risk of losing what was most important to him, which is to say the village, he chose to minimise overall risk by endangering someone who should not have been endangered to begin with. Like Mari, he offered us what assistance he could indirectly, and trusted that with our resources and allies we would be able to find a way out of the situation where nobody had to die. And behold, it all worked out for the best, as he expected. Yet neither the optimal nature of his choice nor the optimal nature of the outcome allay your anger at his abrogation of his moral responsibility to protect us."

"It's not a proper parallel at all," Hazō objected. "Mari risked her life for us, while Asuma wouldn't even talk to Naruto or Tsunade. That's all it would have taken."

"If I may interrupt," Kei said. "Hazō, surely you are not telling me that, in the aftermath, you did not conduct even the most basic research on Orochimaru? I buried myself in the Nara Library for days as a mediocre coping mechanism. I was humiliated to realise how fully I had missed the obvious. Orochimaru treats us as nails in need of a hammer because that is all we are to him. Behind the mannerisms of an arrogant thug lies the cunning of a man who was able to conceal his vile crimes for years, perhaps decades, from Sarutobi Hiruzen, the God of Shinobi, and from Jiraiya of the Three, the legendary spymaster, men of unparalleled insight with world-class intelligence networks who had known him intimately for his entire life. The Hokage would have been irresponsible, no, insane to gamble that the immature Naruto or the infamously direct Tsunade would be able to outmatch him in deception and conceal the Hokage's involvement."

"As to Mari," Snowflake added, "I find your fixation on the risk she took to be bemusing. Hazō, you do realise that, had she not risked herself to distract Orochimaru, he would have headed straight for Kei, and we would have been kidnapped and murdered with one hundred percent certainty? Her luring Orochimaru away was no act of heroism. It was a mandatory requirement for transforming our death sentence at her hands into a manageable risk. Should I weep with gratitude that she placed herself in danger to avoid a death she herself would have caused?"

Hazō could feel himself increasingly on the back foot in an argument he hadn't even intended to have. "You weren't in any actual danger. We proved that. We told Orochimaru about the Frozen Skein, and he backed off immediately."

…and there was that unnatural cold he'd been waiting for.

"By the ancestors, what an upset!" Kei exclaimed. "A man coerced into a commitment does not struggle to immediately pursue a prize which would violate that commitment. Can you promise me, Hazō, that had Orochimaru taken me that very night, or the next day, he would have believed my claims which sound exactly like something invented to save my life? Would I even have been able to speak coherently, faced with the terror of a scalpel-wielding Orochimaru after likely being manhandled in the process of the kidnapping?

"Even if he believed me, can you promise me that he would not dissect me anyway, in the hope of identifying the mechanisms by which Snowflake was possible, and either bypassing the limitations of the Frozen Skein or extracting only the part that facilitates divergence? Having already decided that I was a valid kidnapping target, and with the promise of a grand prize within reach, what possible motivation could he have to release me instead of experimenting to his heart's content? Would he benefit from having me run free, to testify about my experiences to the Hokage, and rally my allies in revenge? Would he benefit from not investigating my Bloodline Limit, which he once considered worth kidnapping a foreign diplomat for?"

She took a few seconds to calm her breathing. "Enough. We have more immediate issues to consider. Snowflake, are you sure?"

Snowflake nodded, and rose to open the door.

-o-​

"Kei, Snowflake, you understand the situation now," Hazō said. "What are your thoughts? Kei, I realise that, as you've cut ties with Mari, you might prefer to remain uninvolved, but if so, I'd still like to hear Snowflake's perspective."

"Do not be ridiculous," Kei snapped. "Even if Mari has reaped what she sowed—which she has, for this scenario was predictable and should have been factored in alongside the risk for my life—do you honestly believe I wish her dead? Is that the impression you have of me, that I am someone who would condemn a stranger, not even an enemy, to death for the mere crime of destroying my trust in her? Hazō, my feelings are feelings. They do not have the weight of a person's life.

"I will not deny," she continued, "that it would be a relief to me to know for certain that I will not suddenly have a second threat descend upon me one day because Mari has decided to sacrifice me without my knowledge or consent. However, I am an adult with the right to make my own threat assessments. If ever I decide that Mari poses a mortal threat to me, I will be the one to weigh the risks, I will be the one to seek solutions, and if all else fails and I conclude that only one of us can survive, I will be the one to sign off on her elimination. Until that day, I refuse to have murder done in my name.

"It should go without saying that I do not wish the clan endangered in my name either. Nobody else made Mari's choices for her; nobody else should suffer the consequences."

Hazō went smoothly through relief and into guilt. Honestly, Kei had a right to be a lot madder than she was at the suggestion that she'd stand by and watch Ami murder Mari just because of their personal differences. It was clear that Kei was still angry with Mari, no matter how much she claimed they were no longer connected at all, but Hazō himself had plenty of people he was angry with (half the world, honestly, when he thought about the sheer depths of cruelty and discrimination that people inflicted on each other), and he wouldn't think of unleashing a murderous Ami on most of them. Maybe Lord Hagoromo.

Granted, hearing that Kei, too, would have Mari killed if she were a threat was less than encouraging, but from a shinobi perspective it was hardly unnatural either. If Hazō believed that, say, Yuno was a mortal threat to him and could not be dissuaded, he couldn't see himself kneeling for the blow either.

"I can see the logic behind the contract," Snowflake said. "There is something safe about knowing that Mari will not simply throw me away because my life is trivial next to her other clanmates. But if the risk is the destruction of the Gōketsu as a whole, it is a fact that I am not worth it. Neither is Kei."

Kei gave her a sideways look, but ultimately nodded.

"It is impossible for such a thing to be foolproof," Snowflake said.

"Ami could manage it," Kei objected.

"On the contrary," Snowflake disagreed. "Ami could fashion a flawless contract. However, to claim that something is foolproof is to vastly underestimate the potential of human folly. A third-party guarantor, and one would be necessary, could sabotage the contract accidentally or even deliberately. An unrelated party could learn of it as a result of the Gōketsu's legendary mastery of OPSEC. Doubtless we could find other failure modes if we attempted to optimise. Then, once it is known, it becomes a critical weakness for the clan, and I am hardly fond of the fact that the ways in which it becomes a critical weakness generally involve Mari being framed for our murder."

"So you're opposed to the contract," Hazō concluded. "To be honest, I am too. I know it was my idea, and in terms of the specific task of protecting Mari, it gets the job done—at the very least, it's bought us time to look for other options—but anything that involves existential risks to the Gōketsu is not a good solution."

"I don't like framing it as you girls not being worth it, though," Noburi said. "You're family. You're part of the Gōketsu Clan. We're not going down a road where we weigh you versus everyone else and decide you're the ones to sacrifice. Never again."

"Thank you, Noburi," Kei said quietly.

After a pause (which Hazō filled with tea), Kei spoke again. "I did not realise you and Ami had become so close, Hazō. To be honest, it makes me a little uncomfortable. Please be aware of the responsibilities involved in such proximity."

"Close?" Hazō asked incredulously. "I mean, it's nice to hear, but which part of that had anything to do with 'close'?"

"Hazō," Kei said impatiently, "you presented Ami with news that demanded an obvious, immediate, and, as far as she was concerned, fully necessary and justified reaction. What was her response? She coached you on how to persuade her to instead act according to your preferences, all the while dispensing valuable insights into her personality which you have in no way earned."

"I asked her for the favour," Hazō said. "It's not like it was her idea."

"You know," Kei replied, "it is never too late for remedial training in respecting other people's agency. Perhaps we should ask Scalpel to give you classes.

"Ami is not a doll. Were she to so desire, she could have refunded the favour at any point, minus value of insights already given, and then directed her efforts immediately to the vengeance you were attempting to prevent. Instead, she optimised your ideas, providing not only warnings as to which ones would be ineffective but also why, and finally presented you with a roadmap which was fully successful until you decided to forsake it in favour of your own unoptimised 'brilliance'. It boggles my mind that she would offer such a gift to anyone, much less you."

Huh. Hazō had never considered it that way. He'd assumed it was a combination of his own genius—he didn't care what anyone said, that plan had been genius—and Ami's profound weirdness, but in retrospect, was even Ami weird enough to work directly against herself like that without a compelling reason?

Actually, he would have to table that question, probably forever. He honestly had no idea.

"Speaking of agency," he said instead, "there's a precedent being set here, or at least I assume it's a precedent, that bothers me. Ami said she'd prioritise your safety over your agency and your desires. Is that something you're prepared to allow?"

"I hope," Kei said coolly, "that that was not a transparent attempt to set me against my sister. I realise this is a complicated issue, but that would be very, very unwise of you."

"Sorry," Hazō said. "Phrasing. But my point is that if she's OK killing Mari, or destroying her or whatever, irrespective of what you want, what does that mean for other people who threaten you in the future, or who she thinks threaten you?"

"I think you are missing an obvious point there," Kei said. "Mari is not a random threat. She has demonstrated an explicit willingness to end my life for her own purposes. No other shinobi of Leaf has done so, not even Lord Hagoromo, who loathes me and for whom it would mitigate a grave danger to the moral future of Leaf that his clan is dedicated to protecting.

"Ami is not insane, Hazō. She is a rational agent who takes considered action based on her priorities. That you and I disagree with her in this one instance does not mean we should seek to demonise her with some inane slippery slope argument.

"With that said, as I mentioned earlier, I do not wish Mari killed or destroyed. Her life is not mine or Ami's to take. Her suffering is no concern of mine, but suffering being inflicted in my name without my consent is."

Progress. This was progress, right?

"Then that just leaves one thing," Hazō said. "You know how I may have accidentally made Ami decide to take revenge for her own sake? I think I managed to persuade her out of that by throwing myself at her mercy, but I'm not sure, and with Mari's welfare at stake, 'not sure' isn't good enough. Are you prepared to help us deal with that?"

Kei hesitated. Snowflake looked at her nervously.

"Mari and Ami are both mature adults who can settle their own differences," Kei finally said. "It would be inappropriate for me to interfere."

Snowflake reached for her. "Kei, no."

"I have agreed to challenge Ami over her denial of my agency," Kei said. "I refuse to deny her own in return. She has every right to be upset, just as I would have every right to be upset if someone were to mistreat her, irrespective of the fact that she is more than capable of defending herself and handling her own retaliation."

"You know this is a terrible idea," Hazō said urgently. "It doesn't matter what her motivation is, if a foreign ninja hurts Mari, the Hokage will have to come down on her. Or Mari might hurt her back and endanger the alliance. Or Ami might go too far and do damage to the clan and to Leaf. Or… or… there is no way this can end well for anyone. If I could trust those two to settle this amicably, then sure, but Mari doesn't hold back against her enemies, and Ami is furious, and I don't want anyone's life in danger or the social equivalent of two S-rankers going at it in the middle of a crowded city."

"I trust Ami," Kei said firmly. "If she wishes to harm Mari without any danger to herself, she will succeed. I also trust her to be able to draw the proper lines and control how much damage she deals. If her feelings for me are not involved, then she will exercise moderation, whatever that may involve in her judgement."

Akane opened her mouth, but Snowflake beat her to it.

"Do not do this, Kei. Please. You know you don't want to do this. Stop hurting yourself."

"You know it's not so simple, Kei," Akane added. "I won't argue with you about your feelings, and what Mari does and doesn't deserve, but there's no way for Ami to hurt Mari without hurting the rest of us. Even if it's just emotional, like what Hana did, a fraction of that pain gets passed on to everyone in the family. Only you can decide whether that's fair, and only you can know if it'll be worth it for Ami in the end."

"This is emotional blackmail," Kei said miserably. "Do not imagine I do not see what you are doing."

"Kei, I…" Snowflake sighed and closed her eyes.

Then she disappeared.

Kei sat silently, processing.

"Fine," she finally said. "Ami is coming for dinner tomorrow evening. I will speak with her. But I make no promises of success, and I have one condition."

"What's that?" Hazō asked.

"No first strikes from Mari," Kei said. "Mari can assume, in general, that if she harms Ami, she will make an implacable enemy of me. This is as much of an axiom as the reverse. However, if she deals the first blow, in any way, while Ami is occupied negotiating with you and me, then the next morning she will find me on her doorstep together with the Nara, the KEI, the Kei, Naruto, and everyone else loyal, friendly, or indebted to me or Ami. Please convey this to her."

"I'll… do that," Hazō said as visions of the Gōketsu compound being levelled by a hundred angry Narutos filled his head. "I think Ami should understand, though, that the Orochimaru issue was a one-off. It's not going to happen again. I don't see how it could. On the whole, having Mari alive and well is good for your welfare, Kei—just because you've lost your connection doesn't mean she doesn't love you and want to protect you. Given how good Mari is at her job, any damage Ami deals to Mari, whether it's for your sake or hers, hurts your odds of survival."

"I will have to take your word for it," Kei said. "Would you like more biscuits before you go?"

-o-​

Continued tomorrow.
 
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Chapter 485, Conclusions

To summarise the clan meeting regarding Ami:

• Mari does not believe this was a sophisticated power play by Ami. In her words, every player has their own style, and Ami avoids overt threats and intimidation in the same way that Mari avoids surrendering control. This was a case of Kei-induced temporary insanity, which can generally be taken at face value.
• Nobody in the clan likes the idea of the contract. Mari thinks it's an unacceptable precedent to give anyone that sort of influence over the clan. Akane and Noburi have taken to heart Kei and Snowflake's observations about how horrifyingly it could go wrong. Kagome just started gathering explosives when he heard about the idea.
• Nobody knows what Hazō is talking about with regard to bullies and projection. Akane is sad to learn about this element of Kei's past. Kagome thinks Ami was a bad sister for listening to Kei instead of teaching the bullies a lesson they wouldn't forget. Noburi is less sure, but joins Kagome in seething on Kei's behalf. Mari shows little interest in the topic.
• In terms of handling things, Akane thinks Hazō should have taken the conversation much more slowly and given Ami time to process and calm down before reaching conclusions—it would be unreasonable to tell someone that their sister had just nearly been kidnapped and tortured to death and expect their first reaction to be calm and rational, much less if they concluded that the danger was ongoing. Mari thinks that asking Ami to optimise her own persuasion was sheer lunacy and can't believe it wasn't an unmitigated disaster that would have made the whole situation so much worse.
• Mari acknowledges Hazō's preference with regard to acting on her own.
• Kagome believes that Ami must be killed immediately, before she can take any hostile action against Mari. Mari approves in principle, but is also aware that the clan is at a severe disadvantage in terms of contingencies—unlike Mari, who knows that Hazō will have to answer for anything she does even after she's dead, Ami is free to posthumously do as much damage as she likes as long as she keeps Kei out of the crossfire. Akane is sure that, as long as Ami can be made to see that this was all a big misunderstanding before she does anything unrecoverable, she will apologise and things can go back to normal. Noburi is less convinced, but thinks it would be a "dick move" to ask Kei and Snowflake to de-escalate the situation and then immediately do things that escalate it.

-o-​

You have received 3 XP.

-o-​

Apologies for the lack of a full Part 2. The spoon drawer is not my friend today, and I couldn't find a way to make the update interesting enough to be worth writing.

-o-​

What do you do?

Voting closes on Saturday 18th of December, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
Chapter 486: Meetings

"Warm-up, sir?" Isobe said, setting the tea tray on the desk.

"Hm?" Asuma said, looking up in surprise. "Oh, thank you, Isobe." He topped up his cup and absently nibbled on one of the provided cookies.

"You seemed quite riveted, sir. Lord Gōketsu bring you another of his ideas?"

"In spades." He pulled one sheet out of the stack, this one covered in diagrams, and held it so his secretary could read it. "It flies. You lie in here and the spirits bear you aloft. It's even possible to gain altitude if they cooperate, and you can get them to cooperate simply by giving them fire to keep them warm. The design team filled a meadow with bonfires and it was enough to keep one of these things circling for over an hour."

Isobe took the paper and studied it. "Interesting. Could you use fire jutsu to propitiate them? That could be used on the move."

"They haven't tried yet but it seems likely to me."

"If these things will travel any sort of distance, it would greatly decrease the number of skywalkers needed." He thought for another moment. "How agile are they? Could they be used for combat?"

Asuma shook his head. "I don't think so. I'm still puzzling out the details but it sounds like they turn very poorly. Perhaps you could use them to attack a fixed target on the ground, but even that seems unlikely. Besides, they're fragile, so it's not safe to let them near any kind of combat."

"So, communications and long-range scouting. You could probably set up coded flight patterns that would signal to ninja on the ground."

"My thoughts exactly. Although I'm not sure it's quite ready. You need high ground to launch from and then you can't gain altitude unless you can find a warm area where the spirits will lift you. We'll need to test out the idea of fire jutsu, but without that I don't think it would be possible to travel far enough and also make it back."

"Still useful for long-range deployment, surely? It would save one border crossing—the ninja ride the spirits out, drop to the ground, execute their mission, then return on foot."

"After destroying the vehicle, yes," Asuma said, shuffling idly through the stack. "Can't afford for any other village to get ahold of this." He paused near the bottom of the stack, then idly glanced back a few pages before tossing the papers on his desk. "Anyway, something to think about later. For now, why don't you head home for the night? I think I'm taken care of."

Isobe nodded. "Of course, sir. Good evening." He efficiently cleared up the empty snack plates left from the earlier meeting between Hazō and Asuma, then bowed and departed.

The moment he was out of the room, Asuma picked up the stack of skyslider notes that Hazō had left with him and leafed down to the envelope that had been slipped in between the fifth- and sixth-from-last pages. He set the rest aside and broke the wax seal on the envelope.

Inside of the envelope was a letter wrapped around a storage seal.

From: Lady Gōketsu Mari

To: Lord Hokage by the Grace of the Sage, Sarutobi Asuma

Sir, I write to you this night to inform you that a situation exists that will be of interest to you. The details, such as are available, are described in a document contained within the enclosed storage seal. Things that you should be aware of:

First, Hazō will give you a full briefing within a week at most, as soon as there is anything meaningful to report.

Second, the situation is mostly Gōketsu family drama, but given who we are and the sorts of things we have been involved in recently there are always external implications.

Third, it is my opinion as a senior I&S ninja that if you become involved it will foreclose some potential courses of action and thereby eliminate the possibility for the optimal outcome. Were you to ask my advice, I would suggest that you destroy these documents in order to maintain plausible deniability, and then wait to receive the full briefing in a few days. If, however, you prefer not to take this advice then the full details are available for your review.

Respectfully yours,

Jōnin Gōketsu Mari, Lady Gōketsu


Asuma read the letter twice, a smile quirking his lips. "Carefully not mentioning Hazō's opinion, I noticed," he murmured. "Giving him plausible deniability, or ensuring that he actually doesn't know in case he's asked?" He chuckled and shook his head.

A quick fire jutsu converted Mari's letter into a puff of smoke and a light dusting of ash. With the evidence gone, Asuma sat back in his chair, dragging on a cigarette and staring thoughtfully at the seal as his tea slowly went cold.

o-o-o-o​

"How did your meeting with the Hokage go, My Lord?"

"Pretty well, I think," Hazō said, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up on the desk. His physical therapy was almost complete; the pain was intermittent and infrequent, most of the muscle tone was recovered, and within another week the doctors were prepared to certify him field ready. He winced and rearranged his feet slightly when a tender spot on his left heel sent a spike of pain up his leg.

"I talked to him about the skysliders and he was as impressed as I'd hoped. He said that it's okay for us to train whatever Gōketsu we like on flying them. He's not taking any of us off the mission roster, but we can spend our non-mission time on it. Hopefully, once we've got some of the Gōketsu flight certified that will be a good way for them to contribute to the village equally to what they would have done on the ground but with less risk of dying.

"He was impressed at the fact that the civilians pulled this off on their own with no ninjutsu or seals used and he's interested in expanding on the idea. He's looking for ideas on other things that civilians could potentially create."

"Shall I put that on your pondering list, sir?"

"Please. And drop a word to Noburi too. He's got good ideas sometimes."

"With your permission, sir, I shall leave out the 'sometimes'," Gaku said, the tiny smile giving the lie to him somber tone.

"Yes, yes, fine. Sigh. Everyone's a critic. Anyway, I asked him what Leaf jutsu I could offer to the Dogs in trade." Hazō grimaced.

"I take it this part of the conversation went less well, sir?"




"Hazō, Hatake Kakashi was the Dog Summoner for years and so far as I know he had zero Dog Clan jutsu to his name. In fact, there's only one ninja I know of who ever used techniques that definitely came from a Summon Clan. Care to guess who?"

Hazō sighed. "The way you say that leads me to believe it's a trap, and that the obvious answer—your father—is not the right one. By any chance, might it be Jiraiya?"

Asuma laughed. "You have seen through me. Yes. I know Jiraiya had a technique that he learned from the Toads called 'Steel Spit'. He could spit this sludge and then harden it into something essentially indestructible. He used to use it for all kinds of things, both in and out of combat."

Hazō eyed his ruler skeptically. "In decades as their summoner, Jiraiya only learned one jutsu from the Toads, and it was how to spit?"

Asuma's lips twitched. "I report only what I have seen."

"Uh-huh. And, of course, you would never reveal details on the truly significant jutsu of a Leaf shinobi, even a dead one." Dead for now, anyway. As soon as Hazō could persuade the world to stop trying to off itself for five minutes, he was going to explain to it in small words that Jiraiya's absence from the mission roster was unacceptable.

"Of course not." He hesitated, then shrugged. "Well, maybe one. His Toad Implosion Destruction Shell Technique was astounding. I've never seen anything like it. I was on a mission with him at one point, the location and details of which shall remain carefully blurry, and we got jumped by a squad of enemy ninja. They signalled for backup the moment they spotted us. Unfortunately, we had 'leave no trace' orders, so we couldn't afford to leave until we had killed them all, and they were nimble little bastards. By the time we finished off the original three, ten or twelve more had shown up. Jiraiya got fed up and started firing off this technique, one after another after another, faster than I can do even the Twin Techniques.

"Each casting caused a toad-shaped energy shell to appear around us. They were huge, at least sixty or seventy yards across. The appeared around with him at the center so they were surrounding the whole battlefield, and then they collapsed inwards onto Jiraiya. On the way they ignored everything that he considered friendly—me, our third squad member who shall remain nameless, and the general landscape—but every enemy that they touched was vaporized. When the energy shell reached Jiraiya it sank into him and...powered him up somehow. I don't know exactly how, but his wounds healed and he started moving faster. Meanwhile, the enemy were being turned to ash, instantly. The shell used up its energy in the spot where it touched an enemy, leaving a small hole in the shell, so some of the enemy managed to dodge the first few layers by throwing one of their companions in the way. Didn't matter much, given how fast Jiraiya was firing them off." He shook his head in remembered disbelief. "Amazing technique. I wish everyone in Leaf knew it."

"He did leave a bunch of jutsu scrolls to Naruto...?"

"No, I checked. Not there." He sighed. "Oh, don't mention it to Noburi. There's no way the Toads would hand it over to such a new summoner. He should spend a few years getting on their good side before even mentioning it, so it's better if he doesn't hear about it for now. Can't let slip what you don't know, after all.

"Anyway, back on topic: I don't know of Kakashi ever using a Dog Clan jutsu. I suspect it's not possible to translate their jutsu to our use and vice versa. If you want to trade Gōketsu jutsu to them, that's your decision, but I'm not comfortable with Leaf's general military resources being used for it. If you can demonstrate that Dog jutsu can be adapted for human use then I'll consider potentially sharing some of the jutsu from the Leaf Private Library. Not until then. For now, don't read the Dogs in on our jutsu."

"Yes, sir. I'll note that I previously convinced Canun, one of their jutsu hackers, to start working on converting jutsu for use by Atomu, a Gōketsu ninja with missing fingers. I haven't actually checked on the details of that. I'm not sure if they're adapting a human jutsu that Atomu already knew so that it could be used without normal handseals, or if they're adopting a Dog jutsu that Canun already knew so that it could be used by someone without mobile ears, four legs, and a tail."

"That's fine. Again, you can share the Gōketsu jutsu if you want. Although you should probably be careful about sharing Pangolin jutsu to the Dogs. That could spark some problems."

Hazō nodded emphatically. "We've been being very careful about that, sir."





"Nope, didn't go exactly as I would have preferred. We can trade Gōketsu techniques, but nothing of Leaf's for now. If Canun can get a Dog jutsu working for Atomu as a proof of concept then maybe we can revisit the situation, but for now we're restricted."

"Pity. What about the other military idea you were bringing him...the 'Boss Rush', I believe you called it?"

Hazō grimaced. After the success of the Zoo Rush tactic he had thought that maybe, with Leaf's full resources, perhaps the village could hire the Clan Bosses themselves for a mega Zoo Rush that would let them break the defenses of Rock.

"No joy," he said. "Based on his experience with the various Bosses, Asuma is completely confident that we won't be able to hire them for such a thing. He did grant that Pantsā would be one of the best choices for taking out Rock, since he could dig down and utterly wreck their tunnels and defenses. Asuma's not positive it would work but that's not important since apparently it's not happening. He said to not even bother asking Gamabunta or Pantsā, since Asuma knows that Gamabunta would just get pissed and he doesn't want to take a chance on how Pantsā would react."

"Oh dear."

"Yeah. I mean, it's not like I was counting on it, but I wish we had the option."

"Indeed, sir. Did he give you any of the war-related information that you requested?"

"No, but he said that a new tactical drop was sent to the Nara estate this morning, and he authorized me to have access to whatever portions of it Shikamaru thinks would be useful for me to know in my role as officially-recognized strategic design assistant."

Gaku's eyebrows rose. "Lord Hokage officially recognized you as an assistant to Lord Nara on Leaf's military strategy? Sir, that's quite an honor."

Hazō chuckled. "I think he's starting to realize that I'm really good at coming up with ideas, and this lets him fob any headaches off on Shikamaru."

Gaku cleared his throat, visibly and desperately struggling to find an appropriate response that wouldn't get him in trouble. He finally settled on, "I'm glad that he recognizes your skills, My Lord."

"Nice save, Gaku. Very graceful."

"Thank you, sir. I felt that I 'stuck the landing', I believe is the phrase?"

"You did indeed, Gaku. You did indeed." He sighed and shifted his feet; his knees were stiffening up.

"Was there anything else, sir?"

"No, that pretty much covers it for the talk with Asuma...actually, yeah, one more thing. Remind me to circle back with Mari sometime this week. I did my pre-meeting meeting with her this morning to have her check over everything I was going to say to Asuma, and I wasn't super keen on some of her responses."

"Sir? I thought the conversation with the Hokage went well?"

"Oh, nothing about that. She listened to the topics and wording I'd come up with and signed off, said that I'd framed it just right. She even reviewed all the documents I was taking to him with a fine-toothed comb and didn't find more than a couple of minor items. Took me about a minute to whip up clean versions. No, it was when I was asking her about herself.

"I asked her how she feels about being back on the mission roster. She hesitated before she answered and I could tell that she was trying to find the right words. Finally she just shrugged and said 'it is what it is—good days and bad', which is about the most unhelpful answer you can get. I pressed her and she downplayed it."

"That sounds concerning, sir."

"I know, right? And then I asked her about why her eyes keep changing color and she blew me off. She said that they don't, that they've always been caramel brown, which is flat out not true and she has to know that. She wouldn't move from that position and I'm not sure if she was messing with me, trying to teach me a lesson, or what. We spent five minutes going around in circles. It was exasperating."

"Oh dear."

"Yeah. I asked her if it was a side effect of her Truth Lost in the Fog jutsu. She said she hardly ever uses that. I said that 'hardly ever' leaves a lot more wiggle room than I was comfortable with and she might want to nail that down for her Clan Lord. She did that little smirk of hers and said that, after appropriate consideration, she was confident that she did not want to nail that down for her Clan Lord. I said that her Clan Lord wasn't giving her a choice and to fess up. She got all fake-indignant and said that such a demand might end up compromising the operational security of one or more recent or pending missions and that she would prefer I submit an authorized request in triplicate with the seal of the Hokage on it so that she would feel secure divulging such information. And then I said—" He shook his head is bemusement. "Suffice to say, the conversation went nowhere and I never got a useful answer to the question."

"I see, sir."

"You're not even going to try to find a response to that one, are you?"

"I should prefer not to, sir."

"Smart man. Anyway, I asked her what she felt about Haru's scorch squad mission. She shrugged and said it was war and that's the nature of things."

"Oh dear."




"Do you wish it didn't have to be that way?" Please, please, let there be some trace of optimism left in her soul.

Caramel brown eyes regarded him sadly from atop a tiny smile backed with regrets. "Do I wish it? Sure. I wish there was no need for war or fighting of any kind, and that I could have sex for six hours straight without the sheets getting soggy and cold. And, before you ask: No, do not even ask Asuma to keep us off missions like that, or any other mission. He's the Hokage and we can't give him even a hint of a thought that maybe we would refuse an order if we didn't like the mission category."





"Well, we got through the conversation. Remind me to check back on her every few days and make sure she's okay, yes?"

"Of course, sir."

"Don't know what I'd do without you, Gaku."





Author's Notes: Asuma did in fact show up to surprise the skyslider team. Maybe that will get written for an interlude.

XP AWARD: 3

Brevity XP: 1

"GM had fun" XP: 0
This was nothing but meetings, including even a meeting about having a meeting. I'm not quite grumbly enough to drop penalties, but the lateness of the update should say something about the size of the 'ugh field' involved.

It is now about 10pm.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, December 22, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
Interlude: Redefining Relationships, Redux
Interlude: Redefining Relationships, Redux

Kei felt she had been robbed of her long-awaited family dinner. Ami was back. Alive. Safe. Triumphant. Forever protected from the whims of the rampaging monster whom Hazō reluctantly referred to as his aunt. Glowing, or she should have been, with the payoff from a cunning plot (though the details had been omitted while Shikamaru was in the room). Meanwhile, Kei was finally one with her beloved, her primary relationship no longer hidden in the shadow of the consolation prize that was her marriage to her best friend. Ami might have been as bemused by her other victory, her consensual bond with Snowflake, as anyone else, and less able to congratulate them on it than most, but she who knew Kei better than any human could not mistake or fail to celebrate her happiness.

Instead, this. A tension between Kei and the only person whose approval mattered hung over the dinner table thickly enough that even Shikamaru could sense it. Snowflake, who would have dispelled had she not anticipated potentially needing to comfort Kei in the aftermath, was eating alone elsewhere because facing Ami in casual socialisation was still too much. Tenten had stayed long enough to accept congratulations and fulfil the requirements of social interaction that were obvious to everyone but Kei, then retreated to see to Snowflake's emotional needs. Even the work of the Nara chefs, rich with a perfectly-calculated balance of flavours, only made Kei long for Kagome's home cooking which she might never have again.

Shikamaru had excused himself after second dessert, wisely suspecting that matters would only deteriorate rather than improve from there. Ami and Kei had moved somewhere much, much more private. Now, Kei would be forced to face her goddess and inform her that she was wrong mistaken incorrect acting on a suboptimal interpretation of an issue of importance. She would almost rather face a condor.

"So what's up, runt?" Ami asked, casually juggling her third dessert, dumplings on a stick, with a single finger while Kei poked hers, carrot cake (much like the first and second desserts), absently with a fork. "Don't tell me. With your companionship bond, you're finally ready to take the next step in your relationship and need professional advice. How I've waited. For a start, there's this thing you can do with your tongue that most girls don't know about—"

"Ami," Kei said evenly, "the fact that I have something important to discuss with you does not mean that I cannot murder you later, after our business is settled."

"Now don't be like that," Ami said. "Having expertise that's actually useful to my loved ones is the perk I get as an I&S expert in exchange for defiling myself physically and emotionally while being left so vulnerable that even a civilian could kill me. Look at Mari—I bet she's already turned Hazō into a sex god who'll make Jiraiya look like a chump once he has a little more experience literally under his belt."

"Thank you, dear sister, for these images which I will have to ask Ino to strip from my brain with excessive force once I am done committing grotesque revenge such as would make the most refined sadist look like a drunken brute with a sledgehammer."

"No tongue?" Ami clarified regretfully.

Not all the images were deeply traumatic. "Maybe once I—

"NO!" Kei caught herself. "This subject is closed. Very closed. Extremely closed. Now please let us move on to the actual issue at hand. I speak of Mari."

"Even if you're too much of a prude to take sex tips from your own sister," Ami said, "you and I both know the Mari option's been foreclosed. Maybe instead I could introduce you to—"

"Ami."

Ami's eternal smile disappeared. "Don't worry, Kei. I've got everything well in hand. One way or another, Mari is never going to be a threat to you again."

How was Kei supposed to approach this? Looking at Ami, confident, protective, reliability itself, how was she to reject this freely given gift and the love that lay behind it? What was the point of exercising agency for agency's sake, when she could just trust Ami's judgement and reaffirm their bond?

No. No, Hazō had been correct, in his unsubtly manipulative way. Down this path lay precedent. Down this path lay a return to Mori Keiko, who had to die so that Nara Kei could live. Kei could not allow Mari to use her as a tool ever again, not with any justification, if she were to have any hope of growing as an individual. Could she, then, allow Ami to take over instead, and subordinate herself to Ami's will just because Ami was wiser than Kei would ever be?

She steeled herself.

"Ami," she said, every word taking effort, "please do not make my decisions for me where Mari is concerned."

The dumplings stopped, vertically, on Ami's fingertip.

"Kei," Ami said as if stating the obvious, "Mari's shown she's willing to sacrifice you, without permission and without warning. I know Mari. If she did it once because she decided she had a good reason, then she'll do it again next time she decides she has a good reason. It's bad enough that I can't protect you from Orochimaru yet. I'm not going to stand by and let somebody who claims to care about your welfare threaten your life."

"That is not the point," Kei said. "Mari may or may not be a threat. I grant you that I have no doubt that, in a second scenario where Mari's loved ones are threatened and it is possible to redirect the threat to me, she will do so, since I am better protected than they are, and thus it is a rational choice. But that risk is mine to take. It is mine to assess. It is mine to mitigate. It is mine, in the end, to deal with Mari as I see fit, and to request your aid if I deem it necessary."

"But why?" Ami demanded, putting down the dumplings. "Kei, you're acting as if there's some kind of value in letting Mari live when she's an active threat to your life. That's not how survival works. Don't you have a zillion reasons to live now?"

"I know," Kei muttered. "I cannot account for it either."

"Let me protect you," Ami went on. "It's what I'm here for. I'm not asking you to do anything. Just sit back and let me do what has to be done."

Kei wanted to. She truly did. Perhaps Hazō was mistaken in his interpretation of Ami's strategies and motivations. Perhaps Ami could settle this flawlessly, without casualties, without danger to the clan, without collateral damage. No, surely Ami possessed that power, even if she needed to be coaxed into exercising it. All Kei needed to do was to say yes, or even to say nothing, and Ami would bring about the ideal outcome.

"Mari's supposed to be nobody to you now. There's no reason not refuse," Ami said. "You know I'm right."

But Kei had already made her choice. In a way, in a simple but essential way, this was not about Mari at all.

"Ami," Kei said, "I appreciate your desire to protect me. It is very special to me. I appreciate your desire to take action on my behalf, even at risk to yourself. I appreciate your desire to take this problem and solve it so that I am safe."

"There's a 'but' coming, isn't there?"

"But…" She could say it. She needed to say it. Even if only part of her believed it. Even if the rest of her screamed it was blasphemy. Even if…



Even if…



Even if it hurt Ami.

"But," Kei said, forcing herself to look at Ami and not at the floor, "that is not the relationship we have anymore."

Ami gave her a look of blank incomprehension. "What do you mean?"

"You raised me," Kei said. "You gave me everything after our parents lost interest. You were everything, and I constantly relied on your guidance and your support. I am only just beginning to realise how selfish I was, when for most of that process you were even younger than I am now. I cannot imagine the troubles you must have faced and the sacrifices you must have made."

"What?! No!" Ami's eyes were wide with shock. "Kei, everything I did, I did because I wanted to. None of it was a sacrifice. You've always been precious to me. You've always been worth everything."

Kei shook her head. "I am beginning to understand now. I have only a secondary role in managing the Nara and the KEI, and no formal role at all in the lives of the sexual minorities. The people in all three are adults, or, for the most part, have adults, and can organise their lives perfectly well without me, just as they did before I became involved. Yet still I feel a crushing pressure. If I do not notice their problems and factor them into my decisions, I have failed them. If I give flawed orders or advice, I have failed them. If I fail to actively pursue their welfare, and they suffer or even die when I could have prevented it, I have failed them. I do not have the option of rejecting the trust they have placed in me, nor of extricating myself from their lives and walking away, no matter how I feel.

"How much worse must it have been for you, dealing every day with a child who was too pathetic to survive without you?"

"It's what I chose, Kei," Ami said. "You were more important than extra rest, or extra training, or extra plotting, or whatever it is you think I could have done instead with the time I spent with you. It's what I chose, and it made me happy. Everything to do with you made me happy. Don't for a second think that you were a burden."

"It is what you chose," Kei repeated, "and I will always be grateful for that choice. I am coming to understand the magnitude of the gift you have given me more with every day. But it is my turn to choose now, Ami. I still need my sister, and always will. But I no longer need a guardian."

Ami went very still, and for once, despite all her years of using her sister as a human communication textbook, Kei could not read her expression.

"I am an adult now," Kei said. "No, I need to be an adult, even if I am nowhere near ready. I have to take control, and make my own mistakes, because otherwise I cannot become the person I need to be." A thought, alien and strange, flickered across her mind. She was not sure where it had come from. "The person I want to be."

"What… What are you saying, Kei?"

Ami should not have looked so vulnerable. It was unnatural. It was wrong.

"I am not rejecting you, Ami." Kei hurried to get the words out of her mouth. "You are still my sister. I still need you in my life. In some ways, I need you more than ever."

Ami stared at her helplessly. "Then I don't understand. What do you want me to do?"

It was a little easier now. The worst was over, even if part of Kei was still begging her to take it all back, to retreat into Ami's unconditional love before she destroyed everything beyond repair.

"I want you to respect my agency," Kei said, "even over my welfare."

Silence.

"And if you get hurt?" Ami whispered. "If you die, and I could have stopped it?"

The words, and the tone, were like kunai through Kei's heart.

It was not too late to take everything back.

"If that happens… then I am truly sorry," Kei said. "I know that when I am hurt, you share my pain. I know that the thought of losing me is as terrifying as the thought of losing you. I… I hate myself for increasing the odds of both of these things for my own sake. But there is no other way forward for me. I hope you can understand."

Ami was struggling. That much, Kei could read without trying.

"I am not asking you to abandon me to my fate," Kei clarified. "If you see Lord Hagoromo standing outside my bedroom door with an axe, please feel free to do what comes naturally. But here and now, you have the ability to consult me. I am asking you to use it, and abide by the results.

"I am not rejecting you," she repeated, because it was what she would have wanted someone to say to her. "You are the wisest person I know, and your insight and advice will always be irreplaceable. But even if ignoring that advice is a mistake, and it surely will be, it is a mistake I need to be able to make. I cannot surrender my agency to your decisions simply because they are yours."

A stab of panic.

"Ami? Ami, why are you crying?"

The reply did not come immediately. Fortunately, Ami was the soul of contingency and preparation, and the one thing she would never leave the house without was a lavender-scented towel.

"Because you weren't supposed to grow up yet," Ami said after a while.

"Yet?" Kei queried. "I am fifteen years old. When was I supposed to grow up?"

"I dunno, a thousand? I think maybe, if it happened when you were a thousand and I was a thousand and four, I might have been more ready for it. Until then, couldn't you just have stayed my cute little sister?"

"I have not stopped being your sister, Ami," Kei said with wry impatience, "although I am making a concerted effort to address the 'little', and guarantee doom to anyone who refers to me as 'cute'."

"But you are cute!"

"I have a relatively sharp fork," Kei replied calmly, "and I am not presently in the mood to finish my carrot cake."

"Shutting up now," Ami said hastily. "But… you're serious about Mari? You know she's a threat, and you want me to stand back and do nothing?"

"I do not consider her an immediate threat," Kei said. "With the trust between us gone, she cannot easily betray me, and the circumstances in which she exploited me to redirect Orochimaru from Hazō were quite specific. Hazō even believes that, in general terms, her existence is of net benefit to my safety. Besides, although she no longer means anything at all to me, I do not wish to see her harmed. Nor do I consider the potential destruction of the clan an acceptable risk purely for the sake of my safety."

"I do," Ami objected.

"But will you accept my decision on the matter?"

For a second, Kei had a vision of one of those awful dice Hidan had given Hazō, frozen in mid-air and waiting to come down odd, even, or Jashin.

Ami sighed as the die came down even. "...Yes."

"Thank you."

"Still," Ami said, "bear in mind that I have agency as well. If you're wrong and she gets you killed, she burns."

"Assuming you do due diligence on making sure it was definitely her," Kei said. Mari as a stranger did not deserve to suffer for Kei's sake. Mari as an enemy received no protection.

"I'm not an idiot, Kei. Killing the wrong person means the real culprit gets away. Although I suppose there is the ever-popular omnicide option if I want to be sure…"

"No omnicide," Kei said wearily. "I could have sworn we had had this conversation before."

"Yeah," Ami said, "and the results were inconclusive."

Kei opened her mouth to argue, but a different thought struck her as much more urgent.

"Ami, aside from the issue of protecting me, are you still angry enough to want revenge on Mari?"

Ami scowled. "Bleh. Hazō begged me—in dogeza, even—to leave her alone for the sake of everyone else, and I gave in. In retrospect, I should've made it a favour."

"Even though you were prepared to do it without one?"

"It's the principle of the thing," Ami said. "Sure, I like Akane, Noburi, and Yuno—and Kagome too, though I don't look forward to having to persuade him that my instinct to blow up the stinkers who threaten your life is as legitimate as his—but Hazō was asking me to do a thing I really didn't want to do, and people expecting freebies just because you like them messes with the favour economy just like it does with the money kind."

Ah, yes. Ami liked Hazō. It seemed Kei had missed some dramatic developments. Depending on how far matters had progressed, perhaps Mari was not the one for whose safety the Gōketsu should be concerned.

"That reminds me," Kei asked innocently, "how long have you and Hazō been on such intimate terms?"

"Intimate terms?" Ami asked. "We haven't even been on a proper date since he got me to fondle his tower."

"Kindly do not dissemble," Kei told her. "The degree of assistance you provided him with during the recent incident was preposterous."

"He asked me to outsmart the Mori Ami," Ami said. "You know I can't turn down a challenge."

"Ami…"

Ami looked down at her plate, pondering her dumpling.

"Kei, what would Hazō do if he decided you were doing something highly unethical?"

Promote it with all his strength, came the initial uncharitable thought. But no, clearly Hazō had not considered the skytower trade highly unethical, given his prominent role in it, and besides, he had fully backed her once she finally decided to terminate it.

What other highly-unethical activities had Kei been accused of lately?

"You recall the case of Fu Kōhei?" Kei asked.

Ami nodded. "Poor kid. I never thought I'd see a ninja go missing because of a fish god sex cult in Leaf."

"In the immediate aftermath," Kei said, "Hazō came to me to condemn me for my actions, or possibly my inaction, and to exhort me to change my ways, and the ways of the KEI, to prevent such a tragedy from ever taking place again. It was that conversation that inspired the Guidelines."

"Right," Ami said. "So you feel that if, say, he thought a member of his family was murdering people by the dozen for their personal benefit, he'd say something to them."

Did condors count as people?

No one had ever condemned her for causing the Condor genocide. The Pangolins sang her praises. Hazō shrugged it off as a tragedy for which neither of them should feel responsible. Her loved ones did not raise the subject, either out of respect for her feelings or out of obliviousness. The population of Leaf at large did not care (even those to whom it was relevant, like the Hokage). Even the condors she personally met at the Battle of Five Clans had said nothing to her (and their summoner, whatever her feelings, was too diplomatic to touch on the subject).

But this was not about Kei. Ami was asking a question, and Kei was being too self-centred to answer it.

"Unquestionably," Kei said. "I understand that he admonished Haru for killing a mere six civilians, even before Akane became involved, and that was for the sake of the clan.

"However, please do not imagine that I have forgotten my original question. I have known you too long to be so easily misdirected."

"You got me." Ami laughed. "But no, Hazō and I are just a couple of people with common interests who occasionally have fun together. If you thought your brother was in danger of becoming your brother-in-law, then I'm happy to reassure you."

"Oh, that was not the danger I had in mind," Kei replied. "After all, I continue to have unfettered access to his bedroom."

Ami gasped. "Byakuren's hefty mast, Kei! Are you telling me that Shikamaru and Tenten and the Snowflakes and Shiori and those two girls still isn't enough for you? You really are a seduction specialist's sister."

Kei glared. "I meant in order to murder him in the event that he oversteps his bounds. As you well know. Also, I am not romantically attracted to Shiori."

"Your loss; she's cute." Ami flicked her remaining dumplings up towards the ceiling with a fingertip, then chomped them out of the air. "And with that," she concluded, "I'm off. I need all the rest I can get before my exciting top-secret negotiations with the Hokage resume tomorrow morning."

Kei raised an eyebrow.

"You'll find out at the proper time, just like everyone else."

"When it is most dramatic," Kei translated.

"That's my cu—my ugly oversized sister!"

Ami laughed as Kei chased her out of the building, waving a fork with perforating intent.

-o-​

What do you do?

Voting closes on Saturday 26th of December, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
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Christmas Bonus Update: The Gift
Christmas Bonus Update: The Gift

Snowflake was a real person.

It was dizzying. Exhilarating. A little terrifying. She had signed a binding legal contract, universally acknowledged as the pinnacle of romance, and now there was a document in a folder on a shelf somewhere in the Tower affirming that she, Gōketsu Snowflake, was capable of conducting independent business transactions, and therefore was real.

The rights that Leaf afforded to a foreign legal entity, while pitiful compared to those of a citizen, were a bounty beyond anything Snowflake could have imagined having. She could open a bank account (though she was still completely financially dependent on Kei). She could rent housing (though her personal possessions would not fill a storage chest, and she did not require a place to sleep). She could appeal to the courts for arbitration (though, through Kei, she had the entire lawyer clan to call upon anyway). Above all, she could stamp a piece of paper with her seal and it would mean something.

Then there was Kei. Snowflake could not believe that she had confessed her love for her creator, a secret she had once intended to hide within the phantasmal layer and take to her physically impossible grave. In public, even. Had she made a terrible mistake, binding herself further to the person from whom she needed all the distance she could get? Or was reshaping their bond with a free, deliberate choice itself an act of emancipation?

Not even the Nara Library held the answers. She had checked.

Kei, of course, had just performed her own act of emancipation. They had talked late into the night, Snowflake enduring Ami as a conversation topic because Kei needed reassuring that she had not made an unrecoverable error that would destroy her relationship with the person closest to her (Snowflake was not jealous; why would she be?) and leave her helpless and adrift within a cold and hostile world. No, Kei had grown in a way Snowflake had not known they could grow. Snowflake was proud of her Advocate, and curious how the impact of the choices made would propagate to her own psyche. Would she become more confident? Would her agency expand? Would Snowflake, dare she dream, become more capable of living without Ami?

Snowflake, with her depressingly poor powers of self-analysis, could not begin to guess how to unwrap the present Kei had incidentally given her.

Yet this morning, reflecting on the previous night, she had come to one realisation. Perhaps she had become more confident. Perhaps her agency had expanded. Perhaps it was delusional to believe that personal growth was so linear and simple. No matter what the cause, Snowflake had realised that there was something real people were permitted to do, and she was capable of doing it.

Kei would not. She had had her chance, and been unable or unwilling to use it. Nor did she intend to seek another. But Snowflake… Snowflake had the power to make a different choice. Kei might resent her for the memories, or even resent her full stop. But once Snowflake realised that she was capable of it, as an independent being not bound by Kei's choices, and once she realised that if she waited too long, the opportunity might pass, she could not allow herself to hesitate.

"Good morning, Hazō," she said as she entered the Gōketsu compound only to find its master chattering cheerfully with one of his civilian carpenters about air spirits instead of doing any of the work he was allegedly snowed under with. Still, his childlike enthusiasm when it came to discovering the deep truths of the world was not one of his worst points (setting aside his motivations, which tended to be less academic and more "shiny thing go boom").

"Hi, Snowflake," Hazō said, turning away from his interlocutor (who would not dream of considering his conversation more important than one between two shinobi). "That ribbon looks very nice on you."

Snowflake blushed.

Unfortunately, Kei and Snowflake's sense of their own appearance was more tangled than a ball of chakra bull intestines after ten minutes with Jūchi Yosamu. Kei considered herself displeasingly plain. Snowflake therefore considered herself displeasingly plain as well. However, Snowflake considered Kei unambiguously attractive, with her smooth lines and her precise motions. Since she and Kei had the same aesthetic sense, the problem went both ways, and then Kei inherited Snowflake's memories, and Snowflake was reinstantiated with Kei's memories, and it became fully recursive. Between all of this and her hesitant, artless attempts to develop her own style, Snowflake was much more sensitive to comments on her appearance than she would have liked.

As for the ribbon, it had been a revelation to learn that Isanese ribbon language was no less complex in its own right than Leaf flower language, perhaps even more (and given her and Kei's unhealthy levels of Ino exposure, Snowflake felt she was in a unique position to compare). There was something oddly satisfying about being able to speak a private language understood by only two other people in Leaf (two and a quarter if she counted Noburi). Today's ribbon was the plain silver ribbon of unexpected gifts, often worn by huntresses bringing home a magnificent catch such as a chakra boar (Yuno had many stories about slaughtering chakra boars), or by young women about to explain to their lover why an urgent wedding was in order.

"What brings you to your humble home?" Hazō asked. "It's not that I'm not happy to see you, but I already heard from Kei about the dinner, and, well, Mari is around right now…"

Snowflake looked at Hazō silently for a few seconds. The words, even prepared and rehearsed, were still difficult. Nevertheless, if Kei had been able to speak of her dangerously changing feelings to Ami…

"Hazō," she asked finally, "could you tell me where Mari is? I wish to talk to her."

Hazō stared at her in understandable confusion. "Really?"

Snowflake nodded.

"She's on the roof with Akane, standing guard while Akane replants the mountain hydralisk in some slimier creep to prepare it for the change of seasons. Do you remember the basic safety protocols?"

"Hazō," Snowflake said reproachfully, "Kei helped optimise them. Akane hadn't even factored in the delayed-effect venom from the borage."

-o-​

Snowflake did not have her own room in the Gōketsu main building, which had been constructed in a hurry and for a family that had not included her. Since she did not wish to venture into Mari's private sanctum (not for profound symbolic reasons; the unrepentant mess in there simply set Kei's teeth on edge), they had instead elected to use Kei's room, a choice which came with its own confusing layers of symbolism, but on the other hand was a calming place at a time when Snowflake needed calm. Gazing at the ceiling painted with Mist stars, Snowflake could believe that she was not about to do something foolish and precipitous which would ruin multiple relationships.

"Snowflake," Mari said softly. "I didn't expect to see you after the way our last conversation went."

Snowflake's eyes stopped tracing the outline of the Twins, Kei's birth constellation.

"I do not retract anything I said," Snowflake told her. "You hurt Kei terribly. You took the trust she longed to restore and annihilated it. You risked sacrificing her life. You chose to sacrifice her heart. The birth mother who emotionally abandoned her was not half so cruel."

Mari gave a slow, sad smile. "I'm not her mother, Snowflake. With my background, and my personality, and the way I choose to live my life, I could never be qualified to be anyone's mother, much less hers.

"If you came here to condemn me some more," she added after a pause, "then you're wasting your time. I can and do apologise for not having been smart enough, or creative enough, or good enough at improvising, to come up with a better solution. I can and do apologise for hurting you and Kei. But I can't apologise for not doing better than my best."

"That is not the purpose of my visit." Snowflake looked up at the Twins again. She hoped they didn't look further apart than before. "Mari, you placed my life on the line as well that night, and that of all my sisters as yet unborn. I am confident that this did not occur to you at the time. And in addition to all of my own feelings on the subject, I have felt everything Kei feels. That is why I am uniquely qualified to say this to you:"

She braced herself. So did Mari.

"I forgive you."

The words reverberated through the room that possessed no acoustic properties of note, bouncing off the walls and attenuating only slowly. Both Snowflake and Mari sat there, listening to them as they faded, and unsure if they understood.

"Do you mean that?" Mari asked in a tone of pure disoriented bewilderment.

"I forgive you," Snowflake repeated. "I do not require a mother. I do not require a guardian. I may not be an adult in any meaningful way, but it is enough for me to have my creator and my Advocate. I do not require you to be to me what you were to her.

"I do not require you to be perfect, and I accept your failure to surpass your limitations. I will not pretend that our relationship is unaffected by your actions, but here and now, I absolve you of the pain I feel and the pain I have inherited."

"Why would you do that?" Mari asked. "Weren't you furious about how I treated Kei?"

"I am not forgiving you for what you did to her," Snowflake said. "Only Kei can do that. I am forgiving you for what you did to me, and for what your actions against Kei did to me. I cannot choose my emotional reaction to what you did, Mari, any more than she can. But unlike her pain, which is intolerable, mine is still within the realm where I can choose how to respond.

"This entire situation has been a disaster for everyone. The pain has rippled out, spreading through Kei and myself to Yuno and from her to Noburi, to Ami and from her to Hazō, to everyone in the Snow Globe forced to watch Kei suffer, and back to you from every source. I cannot control the hearts of others, but I am choosing for my pain to stop with me. Whatever guilt you feel about risking my life and hurting my feelings, it has been enough. I forgive you, and ask you to forgive yourself."

Mari smiled, and her smile held a warmth that Snowflake had forgotten and Kei was not ready to remember. It was fortunate that an exercise of initiative on this scale would be easy prey for the phantasmal layer.

For a little while, neither of them said anything. Snowflake had run out of things to say. Mari, blindsided by the whole encounter, likely did not have anything appropriate in stock to begin with.

"Thank you, Snowflake," Mari said finally. "I think I've been waiting to hear that. Half the clan thinks that just because I did the right thing, there are no consequences. The other half thinks those consequences are final and there's nothing left for me to do but hate myself. I've been waiting to hear someone say that there's a way forward. For us. For me."

It was the slightest of foundations. A point of self-definition that might end up as nothing more than that. Still, Snowflake held out hope. If Snowflake successfully forgave Mari, sincerely and deep down, then perhaps someday, whether in months or years, it would allow Kei to forgive Mari too.

"So," Mari asked, "where do we go from here?"

Snowflake had to admit she had not actually thought that far. Would it be acceptable to go home now? Or would ending an adversarial relationship without putting anything in its place just result in discomfort and uncertainty for all involved?

"I suppose," she said, considering, "that having normalised relations, we should reaffirm this through some kind of activity that demonstrates that we are no longer in conflict. Perhaps… Mari, could you give me style advice?"

Snowflake had assumed that they would spend a few minutes, perhaps as much as half an hour, discussing different types of attractive clothes, or whatever it was that personal style involved. This assumption lasted until Mari's eyes lit up with the ravenous delight of a woman who had spent three long years waiting for Kei, or someone who looked exactly like Kei, to ask her that question.

"Let me grab my purse," Mari said with the grin of Yuno discovering a new species of chakra beast. Above her, her birth constellation, the Scorpion, revealed the sting hidden in its tail.

Snowflake realised two things at the exact same time. First, she had awakened a monster. Second, she had just framed this as a necessary bonding experience and there was no way to back out.

Third, the Scorpion added just as she thought she'd grasped the extent of her doom, when Kei received the traumatic memories of a full day of shopping for clothing, accessories, and whatever else it was that Mari intended to inflict on Snowflake, she would find new and creative ways to exploit the fact that Snowflake was functionally immortal.
 
Chapter 487: Great Seal, Great Sensei

February 14, 7am...

"Good morning, My Lord."

"Unph," Hazō said, dropping into his chair with the grunt of a much older man. "Morning."

Gaku peered at his Clan Head, frowning. "Are you all right, My Lord?"

"Seventh Path time and Human Path time have drifted a little out of sync," Hazō explained. "I'm expected to report for punishment duty at Seventh-Path dawn, which as of last night was two in the morning our time. I got four hours sleep, talked to Asuma, then went to the Seventh Path and spent the last five hours doing brutal calisthenics while Cando literally barked orders at me. I came back five minutes ago and I haven't gotten the sweat off yet."

Gaku nodded somberly, visibly smothering a 'no wonder you stink.'

"Anyway," Hazō said, sighing. "I want to run through this and then grab a quick wash. Harumitsu is coming in an hour. I'm taking him over to where Leaf's sealmasters are working on the Great Seal, and their courtesy and patience are always super extra fun, so I'm looking forward to that. What have you got for me?"

"Very little, sir. Lord Noburi and Lady Akane have dealt with nearly everything. I simply need your signature on these purchase orders and your signoff on three punishment assignments." He laid a series of papers in front of Hazō.

"What—"

"Two latrine-cleaning for drunk and disorderly, one laundry duty for an inappropriate outburst in the cafeteria."

"Approved." He gratefully swirled his signature across the relevant pages without bothering to read them, then pushed them back.

"Is that it?"

"That is indeed it, sir."

"Cool. A few things for the log, then."

Gaku quickly riffled through his bag and produced brush, ink, and paper. "Ready, sir."

"I spoke with Asuma last night—well, earlier today, because of course he was still working at one in the morning. Interesting conversation..."




Six hours earlier...

"Hazō," Asuma said, setting his brush aside as Hazō walked in. "Have a seat. I wasn't expecting to see you this late." He glanced at the water clock on the shelf. "This early," he corrected himself.

"Things are busy right now, sir," Hazō said, dropping gratefully into the offered chair.

"I can relate. I'm a little pressed for time, but what can I do for you?"

"There's been some drama in the Gōketsu family lately and it involves Ami so I figured you needed to know about it."

"How interesting," Asuma said, nodding. "I hadn't heard anything whatsoever about this. I applaud you for bringing it to my attention unprompted."

"Uh...right. Anyway. We're private, yes?"

"We are indeed."

"Good. So, remember how Orochimaru was going to kidnap and dissect me and Kei and you said that you couldn't help us so we should talk to Tsunade or Naruto?"

Asuma's face grew sad. "I do indeed." He studied Hazō for a moment. "Hazō...do you understand why I couldn't help?"

"Politics, sir," Hazō said, after pausing just a moment too long. "Orochimaru is critical to the war effort right now and you can't afford to take a chance that he might defy your orders."

"Yes. Orochimaru is critical to Leaf's defense and to our ability to project power in the war against Rock and Cloud—witness the fact that Cloud has been very quiet since Orochimaru crushed them on the peninsula."

"I believe the Isanese ninja with whom the Gōketsu secured an alliance had a hand in that as well, sir." Hazō bit his tongue a moment too late to keep the words behind his teeth. Damnit, he was so tired he was getting loopy and loose-lipped.

"They did indeed," the Hokage said, graciously gliding past the implied criticism. "But they couldn't have done it without Orochimaru. The role of the Isanese was primarily to herd the Cloud ninja into a killing field so that Orochimaru could get to them before they escaped."

"Yes sir."

"To repeat what I told you at the time: I am not my father. I don't have the raw power to control Orochimaru. I'm having some success finding social levers, but it's a fragile thread. If I give him an order and he refuses to obey, it would destroy my credibility with the clans. I would no longer be able to function as Hokage. Likewise, I couldn't order Tsunade or Naruto to enforce my orders to Orochimaru because that would make it clear to them that I couldn't do it directly—they know that intellectually, but there's a difference between knowing something in the back of your mind and actually seeing it played out in front of you.

"Tsunade and Naruto are the other two legs of the stool that is Leaf's primary combat power and therefore they are the last people that I can afford to look weak in front of, even more so than the clans. I pointed you to the resource that you needed but I had to otherwise pretend that I knew nothing about the situation. We are in the middle of a war and the people of Leaf cannot afford to lose confidence in their Hokage right now. It would lead to people questioning military orders and attempting to interfere with the command structure by pushing their way into strategy sessions, arguing about tactics, and so on."

"Of course, sir."

"Do you understand why I'm telling you all this?"

Hazō was pretty confident that 'you have a guilty conscience because you know that what you did was a dick move and a betrayal' was the wrong thing to say, so he settled for a simple "No sir."

"You are a Clan Head, Hazō. You are facing the same problems that I am, albeit at a smaller scale. I grew up at my father's elbow, watching him navigate waters more challenging than these. You did not have that luxury and I need the Gōketsu to have strong leadership right now. Your clan is tiny, yet it consists of, among others, two jōnin, two of Leaf's best sealmasters, the Toad and Dog summoners, and Noburi, who is the lynchpin of your extremely useful 'Zoo Rush' strategy." He smiled briefly at the name. "I need you to manage your clan effectively and work smoothly with the other clans of Leaf. The least I can do is help you on that course."

Huh.

"Thank you, sir."

Asuma nodded. "With that said, what brings you here so late?"

"As I'm sure you know, we convinced Lady Tsunade to get Orochimaru to back down and promise to stay backed down. With the immediate threat dealt with, we transitioned smoothly into family drama."

Asuma leaned back, chuckling. "My condolences. I can relate."

"Yes sir. To recap some of what we told you previously: Everything started when Orochimaru unexpectedly came to the game night that the Gōketsu threw for all the summoners who went on the Arachnid Scroll recovery mission. I attempted to isolate him and distract him so that he didn't cause trouble for anyone else. He began to pressure me for clan secrets, using psychic force to back it up. Mari appeared just as I was starting to divulge everything. She attempted several tactics to divert him or cause him to lose interest. None of them worked. As a final effort she suggested that he might be more interested in meeting a Shadow Clone user whose clones are cognitively independent. She then signaled me to extract Kei while she led Orochimaru on a wild goose chase. I did so, and we went to the Nara."

He paused, shaking his head in frustration. "It was the right move, damnit. Kei's connection to the Nara and the KEI and the Kei give her vastly better protection than I have. Plus, Mari knew that Orochimaru would lose interest the moment he found out that Snowflake is only cognitively independent because she doesn't inherit Kei's bloodline—which was exactly what happened, damnit. And it wasn't even like Mari planned it. She was operating on the fly, under combat conditions, with no time to think and she only went this route after trying everything else she could think of!"

He stopped and took a deep breath, then continued in a calmer tone. "In any case, after we got Lady Tsunade to resolve the situation, Kei went off on Mari. She felt that Mari had chosen to sacrifice Kei in order to save me, thereby demonstrating her priorities."

"Hm," said the Hokage, nodding thoughtfully. "I understand her point of view, but it seems uncharitable. And it's something she'll need to get used to if she's going to function as a ninja. There are always choices to be made—one person is sent on a mission over another, one person is chosen to delay pursuers, one person is chosen to infiltrate while the rest wait outside, and so on. It's a reality of the job."

"I know, right? Anyway, she chewed Mari out and declared that Mari was dead to her, that she was cutting off their relationship entirely. Snowflake also chewed Mari out and then the two of them left. Mari was devastated."

"You mentioned Ami was involved in this..." the Hokage said carefully.

"Yes sir. You probably know that the two of them—Ami and Kei, I mean—basically worship each other and will do anything for the other. I knew it was going to be a disaster once Ami heard what had happened and I was worried that Kei might not present a completely unbiased view, so I broke the news to Ami first."

"Ah." Asuma's voice was tinged with faint traces of trepidation and despair. "Am I about to have to choose between the Mist alliance and the loss of a senior jōnin and clan leader?"

"No sir, there's a happy ending. When I told Ami what happened she took it...suboptimally. In the sense that your day is going suboptimally when you are right in the middle of a major infusion failure. Her first response was that she needed to 'destroy'—her word—Mari immediately. I managed to talk her down to the point of waiting a week before taking action."

"Given that you said there is a happy ending, I'm assuming Kei talked her down the rest of the way?"

"Yes sir. I'm unclear on exactly what was said, but Kei has assured me that Ami agreed to take no action against Mari. If Kei were to die then I can't predict what Ami would do, but that's been the case since forever."

"I see."

"Yeah. Anyway, that's basically everything."

"Hm." The Hokage leaned back in his chair, tapping two fingers on his lips in thought. "First of all, well done on getting the situation resolved smoothly and on notifying me about it. Second, I think I need more detail. Begin at the beginning of your conversation with Ami and repeat as much as you can recall."

"Yes sir. So, first..."




Back at February 14, 7am...

"...and so I gave him everything I could recall." Everything he could recall without replaying his half of the conversation through the Iron Nerve, anyway.

"That sounds like a very intense conversation, sir."

"Yeah, but it seems to have come out well in the end. Anyway, keep a summary on that for later reference. For now, I want you to put together a shortlist for adoptions."

"Of course, sir. Any particular characteristics?"

"Lived on the estate for at least six months, to start with. Beyond that, they should have a clean disciplinary record, chūnin rank or an equivalent specialization—sealmaster, jutsu hacker, medic, that kind of thing—and they must have somehow shown that they're aligned with the spirit of Uplift."

"They've taken till'n'fill missions, donated money to civilian causes, that kind of thing?"

"Exactly." Sage, it was so fantastic having subordinates who could figure out the details on their own.

"Understood, sir. Anything else?"

Hazō shook his head and wasn't quite quick enough to stifle a yawn. "Nope," he said, pushing himself to his feet. "That's it for today, I think. I'm going to go sponge off and get ready for Harumitsu."

o-o-o-o​

"Ready for this?" Hazō asked quietly.

With eyes full of trepidation, Harumitsu studied the granite wall surrounding Gōketsu Sealing Experimentation Facility #3. "Are th-they g-g-going to b-be as angry as l-last time, s-sir?"

"Probably. Stay back and don't say anything. I'll run interference if they notice you."

Harumitsu settled for nodding instead of trying to force words past his stutter. He adjusted his glasses and took a deep breath as though about to dive into icy water.

"Oh, hey," Hazō said, "I never asked how the glasses are working out."

"G-good, sir," Harumitsu said, a smile blooming on his face. "I can see forever!"

Hazō chuckled. "In that case, your eyes are better than mine. I'm glad. They got you a backup pair as well?"

"Yes sir. Th-they're almost as good."

"Excellent. And have the Aburame increased their rate of production?"

"I b-believe so, sir. They've been making lenses just to make them, f-for the practice, then melting them down again. They're up to one pair per week, made accurately for a given person. That's even with most of their ninja busy in the field."

Hazō frowned in annoyance. "I wanted them to get to the point of making dozens per week. They're still doing it with only ninja?"

"Y-yes s-sir. I th-think so." Despite being directed elsewhere, Hazō's frustration had clearly gotten his apprentice nervous; something to work on.

Hazō nodded, resolving to keep his temper in better check and also to work on Harumitsu's confidence. The boy was blossoming under Hazō and Kagome-sensei's teaching, but he wasn't there yet. (His instruction was supposed to be Hazō's job, but of course Kagome-sensei had insisted on poking his beaky nose into the lessons a few times. He had instantly noticed Harumitsu's jumpiness and moderated his normally irascible personality all the way down to 'moderately grumpy and clearly not directed at you.')

"Hopefully they'll get their heads out of their collective asses and have civilians do the parts that civilians can do," Hazō said. "The skysliders show what you can get by turning a bunch of smart civilians loose on a project that doesn't need chakra. If I'd given it to ninja they would have faffed around with trying to make wind jutsu strong enough to fly a box."

"Y-yes, My Lord."

There was no time for further conversation as they were passing the final wall into the actual working space where the sealmasters were gathered around Hazō's replica of the Great Seal.

"Ha!" said Hyūga Makito, spotting Hazō and Harumitsu's arrival and stomping over. "What is this bullshit? You created this thing just to fuck with us, didn't you? What was the plan, keep the rest of us distracted so you can get ahead of us on researching useful stuff? You're interfering with the war effort!"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Hyūga," said Aburame Manjirō, the senior Aburame sealmaster. He was eighty years old, thin as a reed and walked with a cane. Despite that, Hazō had seen the man practicing soft-style taijutsu and immediately decided never to get into an altercation with him. "He's obviously not."

"He is! He obviously is! This thing is ridiculous! As if the idea of a three-dimensional seal weren't insane enough, the different layers of it make no sense! Look at this!" He grabbed Hazō by the collar and made to drag him over to the seal.

Under normal circumstances Hazō would never choose to take on a Hyūga at close-quarters combat, much less while injured, but Mari and Haru have provided briefings on all the sealmasters here and Hazō knows what he's dealing with. Hyūga Makito is 21 and bookish. He always hated exercise, so he started training to be a sealmaster even before he graduated the Academy—at first as an excuse to avoid taijutsu practice and calisthenics but later on because he found that he was actually good at it. In addition to not having learned more than the bare minimum of taijutsu required for any Hyūga, he's not running his Byakūgan right now, meaning he can't use the Gentle Fist style that is the sum total of his training.

Hazō is currently rocking two Severe Consequences, reducing his Taijutsu score from a respectable 43 down to a candy-ass 23 because he is so heavily injured he needs a cane to walk. On the other hand, Hazō is almost healed. Mechanically, the full effects of his Consequences are still in effect and would matter if he got into a serious fight where he had to move around. Narratively, he's almost healed and this is a single grappling maneuver that requires almost no effort or motion. I'm going to let it pass on narrative merits.


Hazō looped one hand over the one on his shirt, pressed it tight against his chest, and bowed. It crimped the Hyūga's wrist down, transferred the force to his elbow and shoulder, and forced him to his knees with a cry of pain.

"Do not touch me," Hazō said calmly. "I am a Clan Lord. Do you understand?"

Hyūga nodded quickly so Hazō set his free hand on Hyūga's tricep and shoved, knocking the other sealmaster away and sending him sprawling. The other sealmasters watched with mixed reactions; if Hazō was reading it correctly, most of them were upset by the violent response to what had been an overly aggressive but not outright combative action, but they were also delighted at seeing the arrogant Hyūga humbled, so it all came out in the wash.

"Now, what was it you wanted to show me?" Hazō said.

Hyūga glared, but he climbed to his feet and led the way to the massive stone seal replica. "Look at this," he said, jabbing his finger at the top of it. "This is something very like a Sogabe Slide, except turned seventy degrees and slightly compressed on the long axis. It shouldn't work, but presumably it does. Now look here." His finger shifted down a few inches. "The cross section here looks like another Slide, but it's oriented in the opposite direction! If you drew two Slides on top of each other the whole thing would fail!"

Hazō shrugged. "I guess things are different when you're working with stone instead of paper and ink."

"It doesn't make any sense!"

"Hyūga's a whiner, but he's not wrong," Aburame said. "This thing makes no damn sense. It's got flitters where it should have blitters. It's got those things that should be sinks but appear to actually put the chakra back into the system, which should make the whole damn thing explode. It's got what I'm pretty sure are flow paths that loop back on themselves through the same channel—"

"Oh, fuck off, Aburame," said Sarutobi Fumi, the senior Sarutobi sealmaster. She was seventy-six years old but still built like a muscular brick, and she was one of the most patient people present. Things must have been dire indeed for her to curse at a colleague. "The flows don't loop back through each other directly, they go underneath."

"They go on top," said one of the Motoyoshi sealmasters whose given name Hazō could never recall. "Look at the striations in the stone! Those are obviously indicators of the pathways."

"No they're not!" insisted the clanless Kijima. "Look here—this stack of striations come out of the main intake, wind all through here, and then just stop. Chakra must be a closed loop in each segment of the seal. If you tried to do something like this, the backpressure would demolish the whole thing."

"No, because this pitting here indicates a separate pathing," insisted another sealmaster. Whoever she was, Hazō hadn't met her and she wasn't wearing a clan crest. "The angles of the pitting match up perfectly if the chakra looped out of the stone, through the air, and then back in."

"Shut your stupid mouth, mudfoot," growled the junior Motoyoshi. "Chakra doesn't flow through air. It needs to be contained."

"Not if—"

"Actually, I'm afraid that part is a failure in the replica," Hazō admitted. "I'm still working on the Earthshaping jutsu and I can only get it so precise. That whole area should be perfectly smooth with a faint convex shape from here to here, about a half inch at the thickest part, then a concave shape an inch and a half deep all along here." It had been on the list of discrepancies that he'd provided, but clearly not everyone had studied the list closely enough.

"Hah! Go back to your books and suck it!" The glee in the young Motoyoshi's voice made Hazō's teeth grind.

"Haida," snapped the senior Motoyoshi. "Apologize to Busujima, then return to the estate and meditate on your rudeness. I will deal with you upon my return."

The younger Motoyoshi glared, jaw tight, then turned and bowed to the clanless ninja he had just insulted. "I apologize, Mistress Busujima. My behavior was inappropriate."

"Yes, it was," Busujima said. She let the comment linger in the air for several tense seconds, then nodded in acknowledgement. "But I accept your apology. You may go."

Motoyoshi did his absolute best to set her on fire with his brain, then gave her a tight nod and stomped off.

Hazō waited until he was gone, then turned back to the other sealmasters. "I'm guessing that there isn't a lot of progress yet?"

o-o-o-o​

Hazō popped into existence on the Seventh Path fifteen minutes before he was due to report to Cando for punishment detail. As hoped, Cannai was still residing with the Silver Trees pack and was actually in sight, lying on his back and wiggling to make a comfortable hollow for himself in the loamy ground under the pack's eponymous birch trees.

"Greetings, Summoner," Cannai said as Hazō approached. "How go your efforts with Cando?"

What was the appropriate response to that?

"Exhaustingly, sir, but I think it's helping with my injuries. He's taking care not to work me in ways that aggravate them. It's good physical therapy."

"I am glad to hear it," rumbled the Alpha Dog. His eyes were closed and he was clearly enjoying the single sunbeam that had snuck through the birch canopy to wash across his very authoritative and honorable tummy. "What may I do for you today?"

"Canaria is with the Forked River pack right now. I was hoping I could go to their taleswap tonight?"

Cannai opened his eyes and lazily rolled his head over to look at Hazō. "Of course. If you have the time and energy then you are always welcome anywhere in Dog. I am given to understand that you are rather busy right now, so this must be important to you. May I ask why?"

"I want to learn more about Dog culture in general, but I was also hoping to learn more about Kakashi and earlier Summoners. Specifically, if they had any tricks or techniques that the Gōketsu might be able to learn, or some way to use nature chakra along with regular human chakra. You remember I told you about the war we're currently fighting?"

"I do."

"Well, three of my clan recently got back from missions where they could easily have died if things had gone just a little differently. If there's anything that I can learn quickly that would improve their odds then I want to learn it."

Cannai rolled up to his feet, head tipped and ears raised in what Hazō was learning to recognize as a look of concentration. "An entirely reasonable request. Feel free to go to the taleswap and see what you can learn, but I believe a more fruitful course would be to speak to Cantahapuyu, the dog who trained Canun in the art of jutsu development. She is with the Frozen River pack; if I recall correctly you do not have a contract with anyone there?"

Oh balls. There went his chance of real help. "I do not, sir."

"Hm. I believe you have a contract with Cantered?"

Cantered was the single most Nara-inappropriate of his puppy summons; a hyperactive young greyhound who never moved slower than a gallop and had a habit of jumping and licking. Or, rather, pouncing and slobbering. "I do, yes. She's with the Lightning Stump pack right now."

"Lightning Stump is only a few hours from Frozen River. I will carry Cantered there now and tell Cantahapuyu to be ready for you. She will be available by the time you are done with Cando."

"Thank you sir." Wow. That was far more than he'd expected.

"It is no trouble. I could use a good leg stretch. In the meantime, I believe I hear Cando stomping in our direction. I suggest you not keep him waiting." His tongue lolled in amusement for a moment, then he nodded to Hazō, turned, and loped away. There was virtually no undergrowth and the birch trees weren't that thickly packed; the Alpha should have been visible for a hundred yards at least, but somehow he was out of sight within twenty.

Hazō shook his head and went to find his grouchy exercise instructor. It was time to sweat.

o-o-o-o​

"So, you're the new Summoner, eh?"

Cantahapuyu was an elderly corgi, her muzzle gray and her coat thinning. She moved stiffly but her eyes were clear and her mental voice incisive.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you for agreeing to see me."

"No trouble. Kakashi was interesting to work with and I imagine you'll be the same." She studied him for a moment. "Do you know what happened to him?"

"He died in battle, ma'am. He helped saved dozens of Leaf ninja and their allies, and it's quite possible that he helped save the entire world." He quickly skimmed through the tale of the Battle of the Gods—or, at least, the declassified portions. Cantahapuyu listened with rapt attention and shook her head regretfully when he finished.

"I did not know him that well, but I shall miss him. We collaborated for a few weeks, adapting several Dog jutsu for his use. Cannai mentioned that was what you were looking for? You needed jutsu to protect some of your pack?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'm prepared to offer—"

She tossed her head dismissively. "Don't bother. These are already prepared for humans and it would be a pity to have them be forgotten. How are your chakra reserves right now? They look solid but I don't know your normal maximum. You're not running empty or anything, are you? Kakashi used to show up nearly empty after some stupid fight and then I'd have to wait around while he recovered." She sniffed in annoyance.

"No, ma'am. I'm nearly full."

"Good, good. Although if that's nearly full then you still have some work to do, but I suppose you're young yet. Now, there were three jutsu that I adapted for him: One was a speed enhancer that let him keep up with a running pack." She sniffed again. "Honestly, you humans. I have no idea how you survive. You're so slow, virtually noseblind, and you've got no teeth to speak of."

Hazō chuckled. "We have our own arts, ma'am. For example, I can punch through small trees with my bare hands, no jutsu needed. Well, when I'm not on medical stand-down, anyway."

"I suppose. In fairness, Kakashi had this lightning ball jutsu that he often used. Drained his chakra like crazy but it would go through a Hyena the long way." She shrugged. "Anyway. There's the one that boosts your speed, the one that boosts your sense of smell, and the one that lets you howl real loud. It was intended for long-distance communication but he once mentioned that he used it to stun an opponent. Which of those would you like to learn first?"

"The scent one, ma'am." Anything that allowed you to detect an enemy before they detected you would be a gift from the Sage.

"All right, no problem." She walked around him, checking his body from all angles and snuffling up his legs. Hazō jumped when she snuffled his butt, but forced himself not to react otherwise.

"Hm. All right, so. This is a non-elemental jutsu, so you won't need to worry about aspecting your chakra. Start with a standard pooling in your hara then pull it up along the primary meridian, circulate it through your lungs widdershins and anabatic, then up your throat, into your mouth, across your palate, up into your nose, loop back around, then up your neck and into your brain along the center line of your face, over the top and back down your spine to your hara. Tie the loop off without leaving any loose tips and keep the chakra flowing evenly. Cast your—"

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, could you slow down?" Hazō interrupted quickly. "I can't follow you that fast."

The elderly corgi huffed her disappointment but nodded. "Fine. Start over. First, make a pool of chakra in your hara." She watched him do it, then nodded in satisfaction and walked him through the process of creating the necessary loop, fussing at him until he managed to tie it off cleanly enough for her.

"Good. Now, you'll need to twist the jutsu to make it work. Wiggle your ears for me."

"Uh..." He tried. It took a few seconds and a bit of manual tugging on his ears to figure out which muscles were involved but he managed it.

"Good, good. Now, shake your head like this." She demonstrated, rotating her head around the line of her muzzle as though shaking off water.

Hazō tried it, and then tried again and again, more violently each time. By the time Cantahapuyu was satisfied Hazō was starting to fear that he would break his own neck.

"That'll do. You're too stiff, but it should be sufficient. Now, wag your tail like this." Her own tail spun in a deosil circle with a sideways flick at the end.

Hazō blinked. "Uh...ma'am, I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have a tail."

"Nonsense! It's a tiny stubby little thing that stays inside your body, but it's there. I went to a lot of effort to decrease the amount of tail action needed for this jutsu, so wag it!"

Hazō did his absolute best, shaking his butt around in a fashion even Kagome-sensei would have thought was too extreme for an Out-propitiation dance. It was ten minutes of exhausting effort until his instructor was satisfied.

"Good, good. Now, let's put the pieces together. Establish your loop but don't tie the ends off. Hold them against each other, then wiggle your ears three times and wag. You want to tie the ends together just as you do the flick."

Hazō tried but tying the chakra loop off was complicated enough that he didn't finish it until after the flick. He tried again, but the concentration of tying it off made him not wag in big enough circles. He tried again...

It took seventy-four attempts and twenty minutes for Hazō to achieve the correct timing, at which point his sense of smell failed to change in any way.

"Hm," Cantahapuyu said, frowning in doggy fashion. "That looked right but the chakra didn't ruffle appropriately. Try it again but with a little more emphasis on the flick."

Hazō did. This time his sense of smell changed not at all.

"Are you even trying, boy?"

"Yes, ma'am. I really am, I promise."

"Hmph. Kakashi got it on his first try."

"Kakashi was older and more experienced than I am."

"Thinking that matters is quitter talk." She studied him again. "Well, let's see...what's different between you two? He was taller, I suppose. Try jumping just as you do the flick. Maybe you need to be a little farther from the ground."

Nope. All that jumping brought him was a twinge from his right ankle and both knees.

"Hm. His hair was white. You could try coloring yours, I suppose?"

"I'd be surprised if—" He broke off as the obvious occurred to him. He cursed in frustration; the doctors kept telling him that he was nearly healed but he still had occasional flares of pain that woke him up at night. The spoiled sleep and the constant nightmares he'd been having meant that he was always exhausted and his brain wasn't working properly.

"Ma'am, when he studied with you, was Kakashi wearing his headband like this"—he tipped his own down over one eye—"or like this?" He pushed it back to its proper place across his forehead.

"Straight, obviously."

"He had a red eye. Was it whirly?"

"Yes. Why?"

Hazō took a breath and let it out slowly as he gathered his frustration, rammed it into a box, and buried the box in the deepest layer of his subconscious.

"That eye of his was special," he explained calmly. "It's a bloodline called the Sharingan. When it was whirling like that it allowed him to copy other people's jutsu just by seeing them performed. I think it also let its users cast jutsu that they wouldn't otherwise have been able to."

"Well, start yours up. I haven't got all day."

"I don't have the Sharingan, ma'am."

She blinked. "Oh." She considered. "That sounds like it might be a problem."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, as much as I enjoy playing around with chakra manipulation I'm not willing to design an entirely new jutsu variation for the fun of it. You'll just have to keep trying on that one. It's probably just a matter of timing the flick and the tie better. And maybe wiggle a little wider. With a tail as stumpy as yours you'll need a lot more hip and waist action. Maybe use your knees, too."

Hazō could feel his teeth grinding, so he forced his jaw to relax and his voice to be calm. "I'll work on that, ma'am. If you'll excuse me, I need to get back to the Human Path." Where he was overdue to train Kagome-sensei in something that humans were at least physically capable of.

"Of course, of course. Come on back whenever you like. Maybe one of the other jutsu will work for you without that Sharinthingy."

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you for your time."

He made the handseal of dismissal and vanished.





Author's Notes: After working with Kagome-sensei, Hazō went to the taleswap and heard several stories about Kakashi's exploits. They were either highly exaggerated or Kakashi was even more amazing than the Human Path reports suggested, as well as being absolutely balls-to-the-wall aggressive in a fight. There was nothing actionable in the stories. The time spent at the taleswap came out of Hazō's sleep period so he's even more exhausted now than he was before.

Hazō has not been comfortable using Shadow Clones for training Harumitsu or Kagome-sensei, but he's starting to rethink that and will try it out for the next update.

XP AWARD: 5. Even though I didn't end up writing the taleswap I appreciated all the help and suggestions on what to do for it. It would have made it a lot easier, but I decided to do the scene with Cannai and Cantahapuyu instead.

Brevity XP: 1

"GM had fun" XP: 2

  • +1 for scene: Harumitsu & Great Seal replica
  • +1 for scene: Dogs (which wasn't technically in the plan but eh, it's the holidays)


It is now about 7am on February 15.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, December 29, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
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Chapter 488: Signs of Hope

It was the kind of high-OPSEC gathering only the Gōketsu would arrange. A fire crackled merrily in the middle of the cave, with an Usamatsu's Glorious Life-Saving Purifier on the ceiling gloriously saving their lives from suffocation by purifying the smoke. Ami, who showed no sign that only days previous she'd threatened Hazō's loved one and/or entire clan with annihilation, roasted and passed around squid-on-a-stick, a classic Mist mission snack she had no reason whatsoever to have on her person. Kei stared into the darkness beyond the firelight as if wishing for it to swallow her. Hazō himself was in an excellent mood, as nothing had gone wrong with the world for nearly twelve hours, and what he was doing here was technically Important Clan Business and thus an acceptable excuse to get away from the mind-numbing paperwork that Gaku, a twisted torturer from the very depths of Naraka who should consider himself lucky he was utterly indispensable, had assembled for him.

"So," Ami said lightly, "what brings us here to the place where I had to watch my beloved sister get psychologically tortured and my beloved sister had to watch herself get psychologically tortured, and also watch herself do the torturing?"

"I do not hold a grudge," Kei answered before Hazō could. "Snowflake was in great pain. Besides, this is her birthplace. To avoid it due to negative emotional associations would be to deny her one of the few pieces of her past."

"But mostly," Hazō said, "because it's away from the village, well below the estimated range of the Byakugan, and filled with Kagome-sensei's leftover traps which I've rearranged to turn anyone trying to spy on us the old-fashioned way into a fine mist."

"Fair enough," Ami said. "And my question?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Hazō exclaimed. "I have composed a list."

Kei groaned. "Hazō, Ami's mention of psychological torture was not an invitation to attempt to one-up the experience."

"Oh, really?" Hazō asked. "And I suppose your KEI work does not involve any use of lists, charts, graphs, or diagrams? And running the Nara doesn't either?"

"In my hands," Kei said, "these are elevated tools that extend the human intellect, not opportunities to sate a lust for… for… I do not even know what lists sate your lust for, except they are clearly both highly effective at doing so and highly temporary in effect—in other words, the classic ingredients of an addictive substance."

"Hold up," Ami said. "Hazō is an anagraphophile? Why was I not informed?"

"You were," Kei said. "I have recounted the tale of Hazō's temporary list ban to you. You told me it was the 'seventeenth funniest thing you had ever heard' according to certain metrics."

"Sure, but I thought you were just bullying him as a way to adjust the group dynamic."

"I am not an anagraphophile," Hazō exclaimed, "whatever that is! In fact, I am willing to bet you just made that term up on the spot."

"Oh, Hazō," Ami said gently, "there's no need to be ashamed. I'm a seduction expert who's nearly out of her teens. I've seen every kink under the sun. If you think anagraphophilia's exotically depraved, then clearly you've never encountered sexual biosealing."

Hazō's mind began to conjure images that rivalled anything he'd seen when his brain was being melted by the Great Seal. Opposite him, Kei went a little green.

"Hazō," she said urgently, "please tell us about these fascinating and completely unrelated issues that require high-OPSEC discussion. Now."



"I wanted to talk to you about Orochimaru," Hazō said wretchedly. Kei silently facepalmed.

"Welp," Ami said as she passed him another squid-on-a-stick, "that image is going to stick with me for the rest of my life."

"Actually," Hazō said, "that kind of leads into what I was going to talk about."

"You want a who-can-traumatise-who competition? Because I am totally on board."

"I mean," Hazō said, "Orochimaru is an ongoing concern. We've managed to deflect him for now, and if the ancestors in the depths are generous, his promise to Tsunade is going to keep him constrained for a while longer."

"Hazō," Kei said, "the ancestors hate us with a watery passion. You and I are treacherous missing-nin who joined Mist's worst enemy, and Ami has done more to benefit Leaf in the past year than many of its own clans, as well as being ambiguously responsible for the fall of a Mizukage."

"Actually," Ami said, "the ancestors should be cool with that. Byakuren built Mist on blood and brilliance. Even Yagura came to power by massacring everyone who opposed him—which, given his age at the time, is freaking terrifying. On the other hand, if all the other stuff I've done hasn't got me damned in their eyes, then it's a safe bet the stuff I intend to do will.

"Anyway, Orochimaru. As the world's second leading expert in keeping the beast chained, I agree with you. I have some top-secret stuff in the works, but nothing solid yet, and I take it you have ideas?"

Hazō nodded. "We can't move against him directly. He brought Mari, our strongest, to her knees without lifting a finger—I have no doubt he could wipe out the entire clan on his own if he thought we were even trying to be a serious threat. So we need safeguards. We need some means to stop him from turning on us that still land on the right side of the treason line, wherever that happens to be on any given day.

"My first thought is dead man's switches, because those address the first and most obvious problem of 'He can just kill us'."

"Ooh, dead man's switches. I love those things!" Ami grinned. "I still reckon part of the reason Kurosawa didn't have me executed was that she predicted I'd make her life hell from beyond the grave, and it wasn't worth the trouble when she could just scare me into submission instead. Moral of the story: a good sense of self-preservation is not a substitute for actually being good at your job."

"Right," Hazō said, not sure what Ami was talking about and, honestly, a little wary of finding out. "If there's one thing that matters to him that we can realistically threaten, it's the Basement. It's a physical object that we can destroy, and no matter how immortal he personally is, losing decades of research is going to hit him hard. There's nothing he can get from kidnapping us that's worth that risk."

"Mmm," Ami said. "Kei, do you want to take this one, or shall I?"

Kei gave Hazō a weary look. "Hazō, exactly how do you propose to destroy the Basement, an act that will require the obliteration of the compound where Orochimaru spends nearly all his time, without risking the life of a fellow Leaf shinobi? Furthermore, what will happen if Orochimaru loses the primary asset tying him to Leaf, which may well have been key to his reason for accepting Jiraiya's offer of reinstatement? Orochimaru need merely breathe a word of your threat to the Hokage, and you will be executed for treason before you can say, 'I had a good reason this time'."

"Bonus points," Ami added, "you've been to the Basement and I haven't. How confident are you that there is no entity within, whether biological, spiritual, or unnaturally other, that would survive your proposed means of destruction and take advantage to escape containment? While I assume that Leaf's military could, at need, exterminate a horde of octocats with only tolerable losses, the civilian casualties would be historic, and as a Mori, I can assure you that even the more expendable civilians are collectively essential to the smooth functioning of the village economy."

"Fair," Hazō agreed after a moment of reflection. "Besides, in my experience, 'It's even worse than you think' is practically Orochimaru's motto."

Kei nodded grimly.

"Plan B, then," Hazō said. "We've already got three summoners in the family, four soon, and I'm betting that getting people like Kei onside—don't look at me like that, Ami, this one's all your fault—won't be difficult either if it's for the sake of protecting Kei from Orochimaru. He can't threaten every summoner in Leaf, and if he goes after one of us, the rest should be able to torpedo the Snakes' diplomatic relations on the Seventh Path."

The torpedo was actually a really good metaphor for a dead man's switch, Hazō reflected. Normally torpid and no threat to fellow living things—hence the name—the creatures were said to burst to life when unsuspecting ships, or anything else made of wood, passed over them, their feeding frenzy reducing a keel to splinters in mere seconds. Byakuren had famously lured a school of the saltwater chakra beasts into the Sokoana Clan's inland port by tempting them upstream with a series of wooden barricades, and his famous order to "dam the torpedoes" was remembered to this day as an idiom for executing a high-risk manoeuvre with care and subtlety.

"Mmm," Ami said again. "Hands up, anyone here who knows anything about the Snakes' diplomatic relations on the Seventh Path."

"We could find out," Hazō offered after a couple of seconds of embarrassing silence.

"Next, hands up, anyone here who knows how much Orochimaru cares about said diplomatic relations. No? Then hands up, anyone here who's confident that the Hokage won't murder you for making an enemy of the Snakes when they've just become an important part of Leaf's military doctrine."

"It bears mentioning," Kei added, "that neither the Dogs or the Arachnids are likely to be relevant to Snake diplomacy, the Condors… lack weight, the Turtles are famously isolationist and unlikely to have strong bonds with anyone, the Hokage will hardly exhort the Monkeys to undermine Orochimaru, and nor will Tsunade appeal to the Slugs when, as far as she has concerned, she has taken sufficient action on the subject. We would have the Pangolins, the Toads, and perhaps the Porcupines, to the extent that they are willing to subordinate their foreign policy to our Human Path goals. Not terrible, but not impressive.

"Also, I suppose this…" Kei put down her squid-on-a-stick. "This would be a suitable juncture to inform you of recent developments."

"What are those?" Hazō asked.

"I have a new mission from the Pangolin Clan," Kei said in the voice of a girl announcing her arranged political marriage to the Tsuchikage.

Actually, that was a lot less funny when he remembered that Kei was, in fact, in an arranged political marriage.

"Now?" Hazō asked. "In the middle of a war in which Leaf summoners have a particularly prominent role?"

"Oh," Ami went a couple of seconds later. "Bastards."

"Given their central role in the summon strategy," Kei elaborated, "now is a perfect time for them to demand a mission that I might otherwise be inclined to refuse. The Hokage may be reluctant to suspend use of me as a military unit, but it would be vastly preferable for him to come to some sort of compromise with the Pangolins than to risk alienating them, given that Leaf has far more at stake than they do."

What kind of mission might Kei be inclined to refuse? As far as he could tell, their corner of the Seventh Path was currently at peace. The multi-clan army of vengeance that should have wiped out the Pangolin Clan in retaliation for the war had failed to materialise in time before Leaf's collection of new scrolls, and new summoners for old ones, together with Hazō's projects, had tied Seventh Path diplomacy in a knot. Now, with the Great Seal, the clans had plenty of reason to keep hostilities suspended.

Kei wasn't going to be deployed on the front lines of a clan war. She was too valuable to risk on some kind of chakra beast extermination mission—or, even if she wasn't, it hardly seemed worth the effort of cornering the Hokage for. She was a competent negotiator, given time to prepare, but hardly the kind of diplomat the Pangolins would call in as a matter of urgency (once more, the fascinating idea of Ami as a summoner crossed Hazō's mind, followed by gratitude that this particular headache was, at worst, delayed far into the future).

No, if he was going to try to guess this for himself (and he wanted to, since Ami apparently had), he'd need a different angle of approach. He couldn't think of any urgent mission that would need Kei badly enough to pull her off the front lines of a war. What if, instead, the Pangolins were using their leverage because not just Kei but the Hokage would be reluctant for her to go on this mission under normal circumstances?

"Oh," it suddenly hit him. "Bastards."

"Quite," Kei said. "I have not studied Pangolin mating rituals in detail, nor shall I ever, but it is my understanding that to spawn offspring without a breeding license is profoundly dishonourable at best, and the rare pangopup born without an allotted place in the clan hierarchy suffers from terrible stigma and is expected, in a self-fulfilling prophecy, to become a criminal adult. The pejorative term is thus apposite.

"As both of you have clearly inferred, my role will be to travel to Condor lands, together with an escort, and serve as bait in order to lure out a Resistance leader who has proven immune to hostage-taking and other traditional means of population control. Any condor with a modicum of courage will certainly seize the unprecedented opportunity to exact vengeance on the destroyer of their race. I am assured that actual danger will be minimal, insofar as no condor resistance cell is capable of standing against the might of a champion who conquered humanity's greatest warriors at the Chewing Exam and proceeded to overcome Conjura herself in open battle."

"And if you take direct hostile action against the Condor Resistance," Ami concluded, "that's as good as a statement that Leaf sides with the Pangolins against the Condors. Boom! There goes any risk of Leaf pushing for Condor liberation now it's seen their potential with its own eyes."

"Snowflake notes that it may also be a response to the lack of passion I have shown in publicly mocking and disparaging the Condors and their culture. It may be that Pantsā wishes to corner me into facing the consequences of my actions, with the expectation that I will be forced to take an ideological stance."

"Right," Hazō said. "He's head of a militaristic race. Obviously he expects you to side with the strong against the weak."

"Or, depending on how subtle he is," Ami said, "to amplify her guilt until her only way of escaping it is to convince herself that she was doing the right thing all along."

She took a vicious bite out of her squid-on-a-stick. "Bastard."

"I am reaping nothing that I have not sown," Kei said quietly. "Whether the Pangolins' motivations be innocent or vile, the fact that I have never gone to see the suffering I have wrought with my own eyes is my sin alone. Any psychological… impact is something I must accept.

"No, my concerns are political. If the Pangolins' plan succeeds, it could spell the end of any positive Leaf-Condor relationship, and thence of Condor liberation. Yet, while the Hokage does not possess the authority to force me to undertake a summon mission, nor can I pretend that refusal will not have consequences, potentially for the entirety of Leaf, as well as for myself. It hardly bears saying that, if the Pangolins are aware of where my sympathies lie, then this is a loyalty test of sorts.

"I attempted to broach the subject with the Hokage during a Nara strategy meeting earlier today, but he made an unexpected comment about myself and the realities of war and I found myself… too dispirited to pursue the matter further at that time.

"Excuse me," she said after a second. "I did not mean to spring this on you as a problem to solve for me, only to inform you. Please return to the original topic of discussion."

Hazō and Ami exchanged glances.

"Kei, are you sure?" Hazō asked.

"Yes. For now, at least, I would appreciate it if we returned to more tractable issues, such as the unstoppable murderous demigod against whom we discover ever new layers of powerlessness."

Hazō got up to replace Usamatsu's Glorious Life-Saving Purifier. Ami fished a small cube of something wrapped in soft paper out of her handbag and passed it to Kei, who ate it gratefully.

"So," Hazō said, "tractable demigods. I have one more idea, which I've already run past Kei, but not past you, Ami."

"And you haven't already done it because Kei objected, but she didn't give a straight-up veto that would make it very offensive for you to mention it now."

"If by 'Kei', you mean 'anybody with a grain of sense'," Kei said, "then yes, that is an accurate summary of the situation."

Hazō chose not to comment that, in all probability, nobody had ever used 'Kei' to mean that. The mood didn't quite seem right.

"I was thinking about voluntary vivisection," Hazō said.

"Oh, this is going to be good."

"Hear me out," Hazō said. "Orochimaru wants to kidnap us to dissect us because he's interested in our Bloodline Limits. I mean, we assume. It's not like he's ever said so, or kidnapped anyone that we personally know of. Actually, I meant to ask you about that. I know the Final Gift Programme's supposed to have stopped Orochimaru from kidnapping anyone, but how bad was it before? I don't really have much by way of reliable data."

Neither Kei nor Ami reacted to mention of the Final Gift Programme in any noteworthy way.

"Hard to say," Ami said. "There were, maybe, a few more people failing to come back from missions than usual, and a handful of clanless disappearances that nobody managed to account for in the end. Nothing to which you can point definitely and say, 'Yep, Orochimaru got this person, rather than them being eaten by a chakra beast or murdered by a jealous lover who managed to hide the body or tripping over and falling down a deep well never to be seen again.' But it's worth bearing in mind that I started laying the foundations for the Programme the day after his return, so there wasn't that much of a gap in which he could build up to his old scale of operation.

"Also, do be aware that half of Leaf's data got wiped out in the Collapse, and the other half I have to be super-careful accessing because there are certain questions that make me sound less like the ambiguously-merciful angel I am and more like a Mist spy feeding strategic data back to my foreign village. I can't, for example, tell you what civilian disappearances have been like, not to a Mori level of reliability. For all I know, Orochimaru harvests those for raw materials every day. It's not like the Hokage would care. Actually, since we're under top OPSEC here, don't forget that it's in the Hokage's interests to cover up Orochimaru's kidnappings. Orochimaru could kidnap half the genin or chūnin in Leaf, and it would still be better than having to execute him for treason or let him go missing again. I'm not saying he does it, and if he does, he probably loathes himself for it because Sarutobi Asuma's generally a decent guy, but if you ever come across proof of Orochimaru's crimes, really think twice before bringing it to the Hokage's attention.

"That said, unless I've messed up somewhere, he shouldn't have to. The reason the Hokage's funding the Programme to begin with is that it does what he can't and keeps Orochimaru chained. Just as importantly, it makes people aware that Orochimaru's chained, because his reputation outstrips any amount of kidnapping he could realistically do—he's the legendary war hero who went so bad that his own stepfather tried to execute him for treason. People are prepared to believe he's loyal to Leaf, thanks to Nagi Island, but at this point he could be a saint and people would still believe he was kidnapping innocents somewhere out of sight. Earning the Hokage's sincere gratitude for dealing with all of that was one of the main reasons why I set up the Programme the way I did.

"Aaanyway, let's circle back to the crazy idea that someone would leap into Orochimaru's waiting arms voluntarily. I'm sorry I've driven you to suicide, but at least entertain me with the juicy details before you go."

Hazō rolled his eyes. "It's not complicated. If we offer to work with him, then he doesn't have to kidnap anybody. As long as he commits to avoiding any permanent damage, he can get most of what he needs without any of the inconveniences of kidnapping people and potentially having the Tsunades of this world coming after him. Then, we just need him to agree to share the results of the research, and we get a major benefit that we couldn't get any other way."

"Uh-huh," Ami said. "Hazō, I know you've been through some weird and wacky stuff thanks to your utter lack of a sense of self-preservation, but do you have any idea how terrifying it is for a normal person to be defenceless in front of somebody with a scalpel who only has an abstract interest in their welfare?"

"It would be worth it," Hazō said, "if the alternative was getting kidnapped and dissected by somebody who isn't interested in their welfare at all."

"'It takes a special kind of mind to hold on to 'worth it' in the face of your survival instinct," Ami said. "Don't ask it of people you care about."

Hazō looked at her questioningly.

"Every kink under the sun."

Ami nibbled at her squid-on-a-stick silently for a few seconds.

"In terms of more practical concerns, once you're there, you have no more control. If Orochimaru's scalpel slips and oops, you're dead, he may as well finish the job, but don't worry, he'll give your clan the results per the original deal… what's your recourse? You signed up for this, and he's not going to be stupid enough not to get that in writing. Maybe the Hokage would step in if it was a case of saving a kidnap victim, but I doubt he'd apply much pressure just to make sure somebody gets a corpse half-dissected instead of full-dissected.

"But let's be more imaginative. C'mon, Hazō, I know this is one of your strong points. If you were Orochimaru, a master of medicine with impossible bioseals coming out of your ears, what could you do to someone while sticking to 'no permanent damage'? Is 'You'll be fine in a decade' permanent damage? Is 'I expect somebody young and healthy to be able to recover from this, not my fault if you turn out to be too weak' permanent damage? Is 'I put a mind control worm in your head, but don't worry, it'll keep its host nice and healthy' permanent damage? Is 'You never told me about this feature of your Bloodline Limit, so I didn't know I had to preserve it' permanent damage? I could play this game all day.

"Heck, if he does whatever he likes to you and then claims it was an accident, what are you going to do? Sue Orochimaru?

"You're afraid that, on his own, Orochimaru will refuse to play by Leaf's rules and instead do whatever he can get away with, and your solution is to trust him to play by your rules and not do whatever he can get away with. Kei, how did you allow your brother to get this optimistic?"

"I am a failure as a sister," Kei admitted. "Hazō, please forgive me for not shattering your spirit until your outlook bore some resemblance to the realism with which I have been afflicted since my early days. Only now do I realise that by preserving your naïve optimism, I have grievously endangered your life."

"Very funny," Hazō said. "So, Ami, you're not pro-vivisection."

"Sorry to disappoint," Ami said. "And in case I forget to mention, suggesting to me that people like Kei should line up to volunteer for vivisection? After what Mari just did? Wow. I'm not going to say any more than that, because the past week has been rough on everybody and tonight is all about seeing if we can be who we were before, but wow.

"I'm assuming you're scraping the bottom of the barrel here and don't have any more to offer, so I guess I'll add my flatfish. Manipulating Orochimaru is hella hard, and I haven't been able to find any more levers that seem like they'd get me far. But, and I didn't realise this until Kei made it explicit because it's so weird, apparently you guys haven't been talking to Kabuto?"

"Kabuto?"

"Yakushi Kabuto," Ami confirmed. "Smart, cute, witty, smooth as an eel for someone with medicine as his specialisation, and deliciously warped deep down. Also, the way he blinks when he takes off his glasses to wipe them is sooo adorable."

Kei stared at her in mute horror.

"Chill, runt. Even if he wasn't in a closed triad with his hospital work and his apprenticeship, I am not dating someone who puts me one degree of separation from the operating table.

"No, my point is that he seems exactly as reasonable as Orochimaru doesn't, he gets why it's important to act like kidnapping is bad, and he's had positive interactions with you guys. I couldn't run the Final Gift Programme without him, if only because having to negotiate with Orochimaru directly all the time would turn me grey within a year, and my hair is a Mori Clan treasure. I'm not saying he'd stick his neck out for you guys, but he won't psycho-blast you for making a social faux pas either.

"All right, thinking about how Kabuto's life choices are a tragic waste of potential is making me sad, so let's have a smooth change of topic. Hazō, there are two incredibly smart, gorgeous women over here waiting to indulge your anagraphophilia. You have no idea how much most men would pay for that. Have you got any more water in the barrel, or has your Water Whip evaporated right when we're ready for the main course?"

Kei could not have turned more thoroughly red if she'd gone bathing in the blood of her enemies.

"Hazō," she said through gritted teeth, "close your eyes."

"I-I'm sorry?" Hazō stammered.

"It will give you plausible deniability if my sister's body is discovered."

Hazō obediently closed his eyes. Ami had got herself in this mess; she could get herself out of it.

For several seconds, all Hazō could hear was the rustling of cloth from rapid movement, and a series of very worrying whistling sounds.

"You may open your eyes now," Kei said reluctantly.

Hazō opened his eyes to find both Kei and Ami in the same places as they were before, the scene completely unchanged except that Kei was wiping sweat off her forehead and the expended squid-on-a sticks formerly stacked next to her were missing, while the stack next to Ami had grown proportionally.

"Kei, did you just try to murder your sister using improvised weapons?" Hazō asked disbelievingly.

"Please," Kei gave him a superior look. "I train with Leaf's greatest expert in non-lethal incapacitation. Obviously my intent was to disable her and then exact my revenge at my leisure. Unfortunately, since she continues to be a jōnin, justice must remain in the realms of fantasy."

Hazō had not witnessed anything. He'd had his eyes closed all along.

"Now that we're all limbered up and ready to go," Ami said, "do you have anything for us?"

"Actually, yes," Hazō said, deciding to leave everything that just happened in the darkest depths of his memory, for the sake of what little still remained of his sanity after all the seals (and Ami) were done with it. "It occurred to me that there might still be some confusion left over from when we talked about the Final Gift Programme last time."

"Oh?" Ami asked casually.

"Yeah," Hazō said. "When I was looking for approaches with which to persuade you, I wasn't actually citing my own views. Not for that part, anyway. I was just experimenting to see if I could find something that worked."

"Meaning?"

"I think we can all agree that the status quo expressed in the Final Gift Programme is horrible. Nobody should have to get tortured to death, even voluntarily, just so their families can have the basic necessities of survival."

"Mmm."

"But," Hazō said, "it's an unquestionable improvement on what came before. Crippled ninja starving—"

"And their families," Ami added.

"Right. Crippled ninja and their families starving, Orochimaru running rampant and non-consensually kidnapping and torturing Leaf citizens, and, like you mentioned, terrifying everyone he wasn't kidnapping and making them go out on missions wondering if their families would be there when they came back… it's a baseline worthy of Yagura's Mist."

"Unfair," Kei objected unexpectedly. "Yagura's regime emphasised the exclusive right of the state to apply violence to its citizens. His zero-tolerance policy on murder and other violent crimes was highly enlightened compared to Leaf's more ambiguous and corruptible structures, and allowed Mist citizens to focus their terror on the much more lawful process of being unexpectedly taken away in the night by the secret police."

"You're right," Hazō conceded. "It's bad rhetoric to leap to immediately leap to extreme examples to support your point. It's not necessary anyway. The Final Gift Programme is, as I say, an unquestionable improvement. Still, we should keep looking for better solutions. Bad things happen when we forget that imperative, like when it made sense for us to sell seals to the Pangolins at first, but then we didn't re-evaluate when we found out about their atrocities, and by the time we decided to stop—"

"By the time I decided to stop."

"—the damage had been done. I don't want that to happen with the Final Gift Programme, especially when I know you guys are constantly busy with a bunch of projects which I haven't even tried to keep track of, and there are so many problems left to solve with the lives of clanless ninja instead of going back and make sure ones you've already dealt with get fixed better."

Ami nodded.

"If I'm honest," Hazō said, "the welfare of crippled ninja wasn't even on my radar until after the Collapse, when I ended up with some on my estate and discovered just how harsh their lives were. It makes me wonder what other blind spots I have, and what other major problems need solving."

Hazō had, of course, never personally seen a radar. The flat fish with their wing-like fins were notorious for their aerial raids on coastal villages (hence the name), but no ninja hired to protect such a village had ever seen one, and they had been believed to be a myth made up by insolent peasants until the civilian equivalent of an S-ranker with a bow managed to bring one down. Hazō had named his chakdar seal in honour of the radars' uncanny ability to detect ninja from long range (and stay away), though he'd made the meaning more explicit for the benefit of its eventual Leaf users.

"Yeah," Ami said. "The thing where you got the Academy thinking about better tuition for clanless kids? I wish I'd thought of that. Realistically, by the time it pays off, I'll have way bigger fish to fry, but on the other hand it's a hell of a return on investment given there was practically no investment."

"Right," Hazō agreed. "Surely there have to be other problems we can play off against each other the way you did, only with less torture?"

"Ooh, boy," Ami said with a self-deprecating smirk. "Well, there's the adoption thing."

"What adoption thing?"

"This is the first new adoption cycle since the KEI's foundation," Kei explained. "For the first time in Leaf's history, adoptions are being refused not merely by individuals with an exceptional independent streak like Tenten, but as a broad social trend. To be certain, there is only so firmly an ideology can embed itself in society in less than a year, but conversely, KEI shinobi's odds of survival are higher than ever, and continue to climb as the KEI implements new projects and expands the scope of existing ones. While some shinobi will not hesitate to embrace their former oppressors for the sake of clan ninjutsu and equipment—or, of course, simple social status—others who would previously have been torn are realising that they can afford to be true to their feelings without thereby signing their death sentence. And then, of course, there is the Kei Clan, which offers the best of both worlds, and while it may not be the wealthiest or the most influential, it will also not treat its adoptees as second-class members due to their lack of Bloodline Limit or ISC-style specialised upbringing.

"This trend will only grow rather than shrink in coming years, until it reaches a point of crisis. At the latest, this will be catalysed by the waves of better-trained KEI genin, coming from the Academy without conditioning to teach them that they are inherently weak without support from their clan superiors."

"Yup," Ami said. "The clans will realise that they are not entitled to fresh blood and fresh ideas, and they will be the ones to fight over the ever-smaller pool of adoptees willing to trade the sufficient survival advantages of the KEI in favour of the somewhat superior survival advantages of clans who hold them, their friends, their families, and their entire social category in contempt."

"You know," Hazō said, "when I hear you talk like that, sometimes I forget you're a clan ninja yourself."

Ami shrugged. "You've never met Grandpa Ryūgamine. I've known since I was yea high that inherent clan superiority was bullshit. It's just that it was never relevant to me until I got here and saw what I had to work with."

"I imagine," Kei said, "that the more insightful clan heads will see the writing on the wall, if not this year, then certainly the next. The extreme losses suffered by the clans in this past year, both in elite members and in lore, mean that a higher proportion of new jōnin will be KEI than ever before. I cannot say how the clans will react to suddenly having to fight tooth and claw for a resource they previously took for granted, but I imagine interesting times are in store."

"So there's that," Ami said. "There's the massive cultural crisis that's going to hit once the plans for inter-village travel I proposed way back when get implemented and suddenly the alliance villages get hit with more evil foreign devils than they're prepared to cope with. Leaf's going to have an easier time because of all the Mist and ex-Mist ninja running around, but even then, everyone in this cave has 'special-case weirdo' written all over them. What are the ninja of the world going to do when they find themselves rubbing shoulders with their ancient enemies, not as a select few once a year under enforced peace treaty, but as everyone over and over in their daily lives? There is nobody in this world who can predict how that'll play out, or hope to control it. Even the sneak preview we're about to get when half of Mist and Isan suddenly gets quartered in Leaf barracks ain't gonna cut it.

"The Nara Future Foundation is going to turn the Fire Country economy upside down over the next few years too. A lot of people are going to get very rich, and a lot of people are going to have their business interests ground to powder, and the map of the civilian world is going to get redrawn according to income sources rather than where ninja can be bothered to protect, and again, nobody has any idea what's coming. Even the Nara can't predict the absolutely unprecedented.

"Oh, homosexuality. That's a social problem. Or lack of homosexuality, rather. Might as well throw polyamory in there too—it's fun to be outraged at the wacky shenanigans celebrities get up to, but you will hit one hell of a wall when people realize how serious you are. As you've seen for yourself, if you want to fix this stuff, you're going up against the entire establishment. Those victories Kei's won? No promise at all that they won't get reversed the second somebody in power realises that they're the beginning rather than the end.

"That's all I can be bothered to think of for now," Ami concluded. "There's loads of other endemic stuff, like discrimination against first-generation KEI ninja even within the KEI, or how different social strata get treated completely differently by the legal system, when it cares at all, or how the rise of powerful merchant groups is threatening the monopoly on wealth previously held by ninja and their chosen servants, and there is no happy ending to that story, or how artificially-restricted access to education, combined with the hyper-concentration of institutional memory within a handful of urban centres, means our civilisation is perpetually teetering on the edge of extinction, but really, you don't need me for that. You can just ask around on any street corner."

"…right," Hazō said. "Suddenly, the future of the world is an incomprehensible and terrifying thing."

"Now he understands!" Kei exclaimed with her first smile of the evening. "Welcome to my world, Hazō. I would say I was delighted to welcome you, but, well…"

Hazō sighed. "I think I need to go home and hug Akane. There was one last thing first, though…

"Kei, I've been investigating Dog ninjutsu for humans, and apparently, they have some, but only Sharingan users like Captain Hatake can use them. You may have noticed, but I am not a Sharingan user."

"Indeed," Kei said. "While you possess many of the traits associated with history's most prominent Sharingan users, such as unique powers of vision, questionable sanity, and a propensity for treason, your actual bloodline is as far removed from the Sharingan as I can imagine."

"Right," Hazō said without further comment. "As it happens, we do have access to a Sharingan user who seems relatively sane, and has yet to commit any treason that I know of. What do you think of getting him to learn Dog ninjutsu from a summoned expert, for strictly personal use, and then having him teach it to us?"

Ami whistled, which was not an encouraging start.

"Have you raised this possibility with the Dogs?" Kei asked.

"Not before I check it with somebody whose judgement I trust," Hazō said. "I do learn sometimes."

Kei gave a small, unexpected smile.

"I advise you not to. The Dogs take a risk when teaching a human ninjutsu, as the Pangolins did. All else being equal, a clan desires a powerful summoner, so a clan that trusts its summoner will be open to ninjutsu trade with them. However, the Dogs do not know Uchiha. They have no reason to trust him. They have no leverage to ensure that he does not spread the ninjutsu, or modify it, or ignore whatever restrictions they consider necessary. Nor do you. You cannot even promise them that, with the risk taken, Uchiha will be able to teach you and they will be rewarded with a more powerful summoner. It is more likely than not that Uchiha will learn the ninjutsu and share it with other Sharingan users where possible—a ninjutsu you do not know can hardly be a Gōketsu clan secret, and it benefits Leaf more in the Uchiha's hands than in no one's—while you and the Dogs end up with nothing.

"Do you feel the Dogs are so invested in having you learn their ninjutsu that they will take this risk?"

Hazō winced. "I take your point. Cantahapuyu was keen to have me learn her ninjutsu, but it wasn't like the Pangolin trade deal where the Pangolins were prepared to take a risk and give us a bunch of valuable ninjutsu at once because they wanted what we had to trade that much."

"Thank you for consulting me in regard to this matter," Kei said. "Before we leave, may I consult you in turn?"

"Sure."

"It has come to Snowflake's and my attention," Kei began, "that the original deal she and I made, where she would receive ongoing existence as a shadow clone in return for supporting my training, was highly exploitative and lacking in respect for her individuality and agency—factors that neither of us properly understood at the time. In essence, I treated her as a tool. Snowflake, in fact, goes so far as to say that all creator-shadow clone relationships are inherently exploitative—a sapient mind capable of independent thought and volition does not become a legitimate target of enslavement simply because its lifespan is short and it is naturally submissive—but she acknowledges the counterpoint that a user who saw this to be true would simply never use the technique, and since shadow clones enjoy their existence, this would not be an improvement.

"It has been an increasing strain on Snowflake, as her personality has developed, to be restricted to supporting my training. As you know, at my present level of skill, I can sustain the Shadow Clone Technique for an average of twelve hours. The requirements of my training mean that her free time has been extremely limited, mainly consigned to natural breaks in training, days when our chakra requirements are limited and thus, together with my natural regeneration, I am able to instantiate her a second time, and one-off instances where I solicit Noburi's aid.

"This is no way to treat a fellow human mind, much less family, much less the Companion whose agency I swore to safeguard. It is my desire to focus my training on the Shadow Clone Technique in the coming weeks until I am able to maintain it for the proper duration to support a human life, and then to permanently set aside one Snowflake to act freely.

"With that said, you have been the one to manage my training menu this far, and I would not wish"—Hazō did not miss a very brief glance in Ami's direction—"to cause inconvenience by making this significant decision unilaterally. If you feel there is some compelling reason why I should not pursue this course of action, I am prepared to hear you out."

"Thanks, Kei," Hazō said. "I'll look at my training lists—shut up, Ami—and get back to you."

It was with a feeling of relief that Hazō packed up his Usamatsu's Glorious Life-Saving Purifiers (maybe the smoke would be good for something later?), disarmed Kagome-sensei's traps, and wandered out into the bitter cold and ominous dark. He'd been told his ideas were crazy and impossible, and why, in excruciating detail. He'd had Ami decide that he was a sexual deviant in yet another new and exciting way. He'd learned that Leaf and/or Fire and/or the world were doomed, also in new and exciting ways, and that Kei was extra doomed in the immediate future. But it was exactly the kind of way he was used to spending time with Kei and Ami, and he hadn't lost it forever as yet another casualty of the Orochimaru affair. The Gōketsu (and Ami) could resist the waves of entropy that kept lapping at their lives, trying to reduce the complexity of human feelings and relationships to drama and conflict, and they could find their way to the future they wanted, even against the odds.

-o-​

You have received 3 + 1 (Brevity) + 1 (Fun-to-write) = 5 XP.

-o-​

A room for Snowflake (well, a two-room apartment like the others) is under construction. Ironically, since unlike the original complex it is benefiting from the efforts of professional builders able to take their time, it is probably going to be both the nicest dwelling in the compound and the least used.

-o-​

What do you do?

Voting closes on Saturday 1st of January, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
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Chapter 489: Otters, Yes; False Flags, Maybe

Hazō took a deep breath and fortified his mental defenses: Harumitsu's Hopeful Eyes technique was more devastating than any ninjutsu, but Hazō was still going to drag out every last detail before giving in. "Okay," he said reluctantly. "Today's the day."

Harumitsu's eyes lit up. "R-really, sensei?!"

Hazō nodded. His palms were clammy and his skin prickled as though sunburned. He struggled not to look around for the calming presence of Kagome-sensei, but his teacher was not here.




"You've been doing...okay, I guess," Kagome-sensei said with a sniff. "The kid knows the material, he knows the dances as well as you do, he's got better handwriting, and his sprinting speed and skill with Substitution are probably good enough." Another sniff. "Probably. Anyway, it's time."

"Are you sure, sensei?" Hazō's guts were churning enough that he resolved to stop by the clinic and see if he'd picked up a stomach flux. That stew had tasted a bit weird.

"He's as ready as he's going to be," Kagome-sensei said. "You've done a good job with him, Hazō. Let him try."

"You'll be there, right?"

Kagome-sensei shook his head. "I would be a distraction; better if it's only the two of you. Beside, this is about you as much as about him. I'm not going to be here forever. I'll make a mistake eventually, and get sucked through an interdimensional yogurt splurter, or turned into goo, or get infected with a parasite that slowly tears the flesh off my bones from the inside." He smiled faintly. "Or maybe I'll be lucky and just explode. Anyway, whatever happens to me, you'll need to be able to pass on what we've done."

Hazō blinked away misty eyes. "I will, sensei. The Kagome School will live forever."

Kagome-sensei's lip twitched in sad amusement. "I think we should call it the Gōketsu School, don't you?"





"Run it down for me."

"The F-flicker Seal is the first in Lord Jiraiya's instruction chain," Harumitsu said, his voice confident and surprisingly stutter-free. "It consists of one l-line. The first and only line is a fingerspan long. It is a uniform curve drawn d-deosil from twenty to fifty on the standard circle, with a deviation of one line-width around center. Because the line is drawn deosil, the cusp should be angled towards forty-five. F-feathering must be nonexistent at start and goose-like at end. Hand position remains constant throughout, using action from the elbow and no wrist rotation. Pressure must be one-fifth brush length and even throughout. The blank shall be discarded if inclusions are f-found to have been in the ink, or if there is flashing or mounding at the cusp."

Hazō nodded. That was word-for-word the instructions Jiraiya had written. "Good. And the infusion procedure?"

"Chakra is to be l-lightly chilled and pure blue. It is to be applied from the lower right, proceding up the line with half volume, filling to the upper edge. Eggshell pressure shall be used on the rim and stone pressure on the inner barrier. The chakra will l-loop back at the completion of the stroke, allowing feathering to be filled through overflow with eggshell pressure. The chakra is then to be drawn back down the lower edge and sealed at the bottom with a fixture no wider than three-quarters the width of the stroke."

Once again, straight from the scroll with barely a trace of the suppressed excitement that almost palpably vibrated out of the student. Harumitsu had been cooperative and patient throughout their time together. He had absorbed the list of dangers that his teacher (and, occasionally, his teacher's teacher) had drilled into him and had not pressed to be allowed to infuse before Hazō allowed it. Despite that, he had been getting progressively more antsy for weeks and there was nothing to do but let him try.

"All correct," Hazō said, struggling to keep the dread from his voice. "Safety procedures?"

Harumitsu ran through the voluminous list of safety procedures, once again flawlessly.

"Why am I behind the barrier instead of beside you?" Hazō asked. "Shouldn't I be here so that I can Substitute you away if there's a problem?"

Harumitsu shook his head. "Gōketsu Kagome Book of Sealing Instruction, r-rule number 189 specifies that the SSO shall be no closer than the first barrier so as not to be caught in a failure and thereby rendered incapable of assistance."

Hazō nodded. He suddenly hated that rule with a fiery passion. "All right. Are you hungry?"

"No, sensei. I ate a light but filling meal two hours ago, as per the Gōketsu Kagome Book of Sealing Instruction, rule number 16."

"Thirsty?"

"No, sensei. I drank one pint of water with my meal, as per the Gōketsu Kagome Book of Sealing Instruction, rule number 17." He dared to smile. "And, if you'll pardon me: I micturated and defecated not more than ten minutes ago, as per the Gōketsu Kagome Book of Sealing Instruction, rule number 18. I did not need to defecate and the procedure was not productive, but the attempt was made. I slept in a dark room last night and awoke naturally as per the Gōketsu Kagome Book of Sealing Instruction, rule number 19. In fact, I have fulfilled all elements of standard procedure as defined in all rules up to 48, including a full runecasting and astrological verification including minor houses and wandering visitors." He held out the papers detailing his procedures for Hazō's examination. He couldn't quite manage to suppress the borderline-smug confidence that backed up the reports.

Hazō took the papers and spent several minutes verifying them. There were no errors.

"They're all correct, aren't they, sensei?" The smug had grown micrometically stronger.

"Hmph." Sage preserve him from smartass students. Hazō was beginning to understand why Kagome-sensei had so much more gray in his hair than when the team drew him out of his woodland home and carried him off on their various adventures. "All right, I suppose you're ready. Show me your blanks."

Harumitsu wordlessly passed over the six pages of top-quality paper on which he had drawn a single line. Hazō studied them closely; every sealmaster's blanks were unique to them, a requirement imposed by the unique nature of an individual's chakra, so Hazō couldn't verify that the blanks were correct beyond looking for obvious errors. Unsurprisingly, there were none.

"All right," he said with a sigh. "Choose and go." He nodded reassuringly to his student and passed the blanks back before vanishing into the blurring speed of Substitution, placing himself back behind the first safety barrier. It made his ankles ache slightly, a probably-permanent effect of his mostly healed injuries, but it was faster than walking and he wanted this over with as quickly as possible.

Harumitsu studied his blanks carefully, selected one, and set it on the granite block. He followed procedure properly, turning in a circle and pointing at each of the various Substitution targets and escape routes. With all that done, he turned back to the blank and set his finger on it, his eyes falling closed in concentration as he pushed the barest hint of chakra into it.

Most seals require very precise chakra manipulations to infuse and are thus easier to draw than infuse. Instructional seals tend to be the exception; the infusion process is intended to be as dirt-simple as it can possibly be, and it is therefore often easier than the process of drawing the seal correctly.

Jiraiya's Flicker Seal, Calligraphy TN: 5
Jiraiya's Flicker Seal, Infusion TN: 2

Harumitsu, Calligraphy: 15 + 3 (dice): 18
Success!
Harumitsu, Sealing: 5 + 1 (invoke "Sensei Checked Me") + 9 (dice): 15
Success!

Harumitsu has acquired the 'Sealsmith' stunt!


Hazō couldn't help but breach protocol slightly by peering nervously over the barricade as his student performed an infusion for the first time. The tiny flash of light that came from the seal was so faint and so brief that he barely caught it, but catch it he did. He surged up over the barricade and ran to his student, both of them laughing in mad delight.

o-o-o-o​

"Hello, hello," Asuma said, smiling and gesturing to the chair opposite him even as he squared up the papers he'd been working on and pushed them aside. "Please, come in and give me an excuse not to be reading readiness reports."

Hazō chuckled and sat down. "I can sympathize, sir. Gaku, Akane, and Noburi handle most of my paperwork these days but the parts I do have to deal with still sometimes make my head hurt."

Asuma nodded, his attention on the cigarette he was rolling. He got it twisted shut and lit, then allowed it to dangle perilously loose from his lips as he leaned back, his his hands folded comfortable on his stomach. "I gather there's good news about your apprentice? I heard something about a party and a young man being plied with all manner of sweets."

Hazō face split "Yes, sir. He did his first infusion today. It was the first in Jiraiya's instructional series and he did it flawlessly. We'll be taking the day off tomorrow and then working on the next seal in the series after that."

"Excellent. I'm delighted. Please pass on my compliments."

"I shall, sir. Thank you."

"Now, what can I do for you?"

Hazō licked his lips nervously and started in on the speech that he had practiced with Mari. "Sir, I was thinking about it, and I realized that the Arachnid Scroll coming into the hands of the Gōketsu might be politically inconvenient for you..."

Asuma shrugged one shoulder, dragged on his cigarette, and exhaled towards the ceiling. The smoke drifted upwards, slow and fat and heavy. "A little, but it was my choice and I stand by it."

"Thank you, sir. On that subject...when we decoded Jiraiya's intelligence notes, we handed over all copies, but obviously we still remember some of it. So far as I know, Kagome-sensei, myself, and Mari are the only ones who saw any of it and we've all been very careful not to leak." He paused, waiting for psychic fire to rise up around him, but the room remained calm, the only sound the faint dripping of the water clock and a susurration of wind through the cracked-open window. It was an unseasonably warm day today but it still left the room chilly. A pair of braziers flanked the Hokage's chair and the visitor's chair, rendering it only pleasantly cool.

"I'm sure you recall what Lord Enma told us about the various Summoning Scrolls? Specifically, the Kraken scroll?"

Asuma nodded and took the cigarette out of his mouth, fiddling with it for a moment to fix a spot where the contents weren't packed quite right. "Of course. Why?"

"Mari is a jōnin infiltrator, sir. She has a trained memory and experience with correlating mission-relevant information. We talked about it and, with her advice, we put together a list of contacts in the relevant area and a tentative plan. We think that a skilled infiltrator and a small support team could enter Lightning and, hopefully, acquire the Scroll relatively quickly. I know it's unlikely to be useful in the timespan of the war, but long term it seems like a good way to weaken Cloud and strengthen Leaf. We couldn't run the mission during peacetime without repercussions, but given that we're at war right now..." He shrugged. "Obviously, I'm still hoping to get a Summoning Scroll for Akane, but I would rather ensure that you get a political win."

Asuma's left eyebrow rose. "Really."

"Yes, sir." He fought not to hesitate and failed, then squared his shoulders and proceeded with the speech that Mari had helped him put together.

"Sir, Mari once said to you that she wished Jiraiya were the Hokage, but in his absence she's glad it's you. I feel the same way. There is no other candidate with your level of training or your levelheadedness." He laughed. "Hopefully it won't be rude for me to say this, but I sometimes wonder if the Sarutobi have the most powerful bloodline of them all: being reasonable."

Asuma laughed just as he was inhaling and ended up coughing. He thumped himself on the chest a couple of times and shook his head sadly at Hazō. "There you go again, attempting to assassinate your Hokage with nonstandard and deniable methodologies. Honestly, Hazō, what am I to do with you?"

Hazō grinned. "Shall I report to T&I now?"

Asuma pretended to consider it. "No, I suppose not. Anyway, it's an interesting idea, but I can't authorize it right now." He raised a hand to cut off the interruption that Hazō had already suppressed. "There's some...unusual diplomatic endeavors going on right now, and it's too big a deal to risk." He rubbed his chin for a moment, his eyes far over the horizon beyond the walls of the room. "Still, you're not wrong about the long-term value to Leaf, and the fact that right now we can afford to make bolder moves. I can't authorize an assault on Lightning, but a trip to Wind for the Otter Scroll might just be useful." He thought about it for another moment, head tipping slightly from side to side as he balanced factors in his mind before finally nodding. He crushed the cigarette out in the ashtray beside him and leaned forward, folding his arms on the desk and staring intently at Hazō. (The ashtray was made from a hollowed-out ninja headband with a Rock symbol on it, noted a small corner of Hazō's mind.)

"Things seem to go more smoothly when I'm clear with you," the Hokage said. "So let me lay it all out: Sand is an ally and we don't want to damage that. On the other hand, there's a limit to how loudly they can afford to rattle their kunai with us. They're weak right now, we're their strongest military ally, and we supply them with a lot of food, textiles, and other things that they need and would have trouble sourcing elsewhere. Our relationship isn't immune to damage but it has a certain amount of strength to it.

"They've been passive in the war thus far, in part because of how weak they are after Nagi Island and in part because they wouldn't mind seeing Rock and Fire bleed enough to bring us all down to an equal footing. I've been considering a false flag action to get them stirred up against Rock—something minor, maybe simulating a plan where Rock sends a strike force to loop through Wind and River in order to strike at us from an unexpected direction. That would stir them up, and if one or two Sand ninja got hurt or even killed in the process, that would be the icing on it."

He shrugged. "Shikamaru and I have been discussing it, trying to decide if it can be done in a way that's worth it. Sand isn't stupid; they'll know that us pulling a false flag would be to our advantage and they would have to weigh who would gain the most from whatever ploy we use. Still.

"I want you to put together a plan and a team selection for a mission to search out the Otter Scroll. I'm sure you'll want to use Gōketsu ninja for that; you're welcome to do that, but consider alternative options as well. Take a Summoner with you so that we can coordinate at range—not Noburi, Tsunade, or Orochimaru. I need them here. Coordinate with Shikamaru and the war council, bring me two plans within the next week.

"Both plans will involve a team going to Wind and searching for the Otter Scroll. One plan will include running a false flag while the first mission is in progress. The second plan will focus on stealth and remaining unnoticed. I would presume that in either case the team would go in disguise as Rock ninja"—he waved casually at his ashtray—"Sage knows we have plenty of their headbands and clothes. If for some reason Shikamaru and the rest think that's unwise then I'll entertain their reasoning.

"If the Scroll is found, it will be turned over to the Tower. Depending on the situation I might allocate it to a Leaf ninja or I might trade it to Sand in order to gain their involvement in the war or in the peace that follows.

"Is that all clear?"

"Yes sir."

The Hokage nodded. "Excellent. If there's nothing else...?"

"No sir." Hazō pushed himself upright and collected his cane. He bowed and started for the door...and then paused and turned back. "Sir, I'm due to be off medical restriction in another three days. I'm not sure if it would make sense for me to go on this mission, or if I can go on this mission given my other obligations, but do you have an objection to me including myself in the potential roster for discussion with Shikamaru and the others?"

Asuma's eyebrows went up and then he smiled. "I have no objection. Will of Fire light your way."

Hazō nodded firmly, a warrior's salute to his commander. "Thank you, sir."

He turned and strode out of the office, the cane in his hand and only a fraction of his weight on it. His injuries were largely healed, and the idea of being in the field again, away from paperwork and politics, made him feel light as a feather.





Author's Notes on Sealing: The 'standard circle' of seal research is used to describe lines on a blank. It is divided into 60 units, with 0 at the top and 30 at the bottom. A line being drawn from 'twenty to fifty' therefore means that it goes from roughly south-southeast to roughly north-northwest. Deosil means clockwise, widdershins mean counterclockwise. Chakra 'temperature' and 'color' ("chakra is to be lightly chilled and pure blue") are terms of art and metaphorical, the same way the charge on a quark is not literally red, green, or blue.

Author's Notes: You did your punishment detail and talked with the dogs. Your attitude has been good enough throughout this process that Cannai has said he'll let you off the hook in another 5 days.

Hazō doesn't have time to be doing much seal research, or even prep for research, so you weren't able to do that.

This update covers one day; the plan seems to have wanted to skip forward a few days until his Consequences are finished but I'm cutting it after a day so that you can react to Asuma's orders. The meeting was late in the day, about 6pm, so you can in fact catch up with people for planning purposes. You're out of Asuma's office and cannot ask him more questions; he has given you the broad strokes and wants you, Shikamaru, et al to figure out the details.

Things are a little tricky right now; a plan needs to be created for the Otter-seeking mission but the QMs don't want to and don't have the energy to do mountains of worldbuilding on every detail of geography, force allocations, etc. On a Watsonian level we're going to say that there isn't great information available but you can get enough to put something together. It will probably take a week to make the plan, find the people, and prep everything, so it's safe to assume that Hazō's Consequences will be gone and his punishment will be over by the time the mission needs to depart. I'm hoping we can do this with a poll:

  1. [] (Poll: OtterMission) Advocate for an all-Gōketsu squad
  2. [] (Poll: OtterMission) Advocate for a squad that includes some Gōketsu
  3. [] (Poll: OtterMission) Advocate for a non-Gōketsu squad


We'll treat the poll as a mini-plan, separate from the main plan. If you're voting for option 1 or 2 then below your vote you can include who you want to send.

If option 3 wins then you don't need to deal with this further; it'll happen or not happen in the background.

I'm posting this late, so you may want to check with @Velorien if he's willing to do a lore update. Failing that, vote in a plan that covers a day or so and we can leave the mission for Sunday or the following Thursday, depending.

XP AWARD: 3

Brevity XP: 1

"GM had fun" XP: 0
Overall this was a dull plan, but it was not dull enough to make me so grumbly that I wield the Herring of Penalty. Training Harumitsu can be fun and taking a step towards actually doing missions again is so great as to salvage the plan even if it had been worse than it is. Granted, that step consisted solely of a meeting but it's still something. (Hint, hint: Actually going on the mission is likely to inspire warm and fuzzy feelings in your avian overlord, which tends to lead to higher XP per diem. No promises, but it's a tendency.)

It is now about 6pm.

Vote time! What to do now?

Voting ends on Wednesday, January 5, 2021, at 12pm London time.
 
Chapter 490: The Bitter Taste of Failure

Miyuki stood in the middle of what had once been her family home and wondered, not for the first time, whether she had made the right decision. According to Father, in the days before the village system, when there was no Academy style to mass-produce competent weapons users, the Fujisawa had flourished. After Fujisawa Kandai had declared a policy of tolerance towards clanless shinobi, would-be axemasters had flocked to the clan's gates, and the best of the best (and only the best of the best) were accepted into the Fujisawa's ranks as students of the Falling Star Style. Many rivals had challenged the Fujisawa, but none stood a chance, and by the end of the Warring Clans Era, there were barely any other axe styles left. Senju Hashirama himself had welcomed the Fujisawa as masters of their art.

Miyuki had ended that thousand-year legacy with her own hands. Twice.

Miyuki was weak. There was no other way of saying it. Even after the loss of Father's wisdom, and Mother's courage, and Mahiro's creativity, and Michiru's determination, she could have rebuilt. Even if a minor clan of one had precious little to offer to anyone not interested in axe mastery, even if marriage and children were out of the question for a girl who could no longer express herself, surely she could have found a way. Michiru would have, if she'd been the one to survive.

Instead, Miyuki had given in to her weakness and dissolved the clan. Now she was KEI, with access to the camaraderie and steadily-growing pool of resources that she hadn't had the resolve to win on her own. Her welcome had not been passionate—she was still a girl who could not smile or laugh—but it had been there, and KEI solidarity meant that the more actively she participated, the less she would be alone.

Had she made the right decision? The Fujisawa compound had been far too large for one person. It was still too large, even as the new KEI headquarters—or, as Ami had titled it, the Permanent Address of Residence of the Konoha Enlightenment Initiative—but now she was surrounded by people, both fellow KEI officers and the civilians hired from among their families. The once-silent halls buzzed with activity. The worn flooring had been replaced with elaborate wooden mosaics inspired by Mori Clan designs (which, Ami claimed, enhanced concentration and improved productivity). The walls were decorated with the results of Lord Uzumaki's poster design competition, such as "When We Come Together, Rock Turns into Powder" and "Our Ninja Specialisation Is Victory"; Miyuki's contribution was there as well, in the form of the Will of Fire made up of five hundred pairs of hands in different hand seals. The dojo had been expanded, and several rooms (but not her family's rooms—those would stay untouched forever) turned into personal offices. Bit by bit, the spaces in which Miyuki had been born and raised grew unrecognisable.

Yes, it was for the best. Miyuki wasn't strong enough to fend off the depression that would have come for her if she'd remained alone. Besides, she had successfully made herself too busy to think about the past. In recent weeks, since that fateful meeting at Yuno's ceremony, she had clawed her way up to become Lady Nara's personal assistant. There was exactly one person in the village who accepted her, no, preferred her the way she was, and that meant there was only one place where Miyuki belonged. If that meant a lifetime of wading through paperwork when she wasn't practising the axe… well, Miyuki already lived by her notebook.

Lord Gōketsu. Welcome to the PARKEI. Are you here to see one of the coordinators?

Lord Gōketsu had turned out to be nothing like Miyuki had expected. From the rumours, Miyuki had expected a blazing-eyed madman, towering and unpredictable. In fact, Lord Gōketsu was a polite young man who seemed to take Miyuki's behaviour in stride and went to great lengths to care for his family. This suggested that he was at least twice as dangerous as the rumours implied.

"Hello…" Lord Gōketsu hesitated. Miyuki promptly pulled out her notebook and flicked back to the introduction page.

"Fujisawa. I was right on the verge of remembering that. Is Kei here?"

Lady Nara is in her office with Lady Snowflake. Please follow me. Lord Gōketsu seemed a little dazed by the full impact of the PARKEI's main floor—not only the noise, but the energy crackling through the air like an AoE Lightning ninjutsu—so she added a series of footprints strolling through a trap array to serve as a reassuring smile.

-o-​

"Thank you, Fujisawa," Kei said. "Also, could you please have these joint investment proposals sent to Lady Kei?"

Fujisawa took the proposals, gave Hazō a cryptic nod, and left the three of them alone.

At Kei's gesture, Hazō took a seat.

There was something not quite right about both Kei and Snowflake. He was used to seeing Kei tired and overworked, even so early in the day, but Snowflake, typically summoned early in the morning before the weight of reality could crash down on Kei, could be expected to be quite chipper by comparison, or at least hovering around the Kei base model's standard level of resignation at the awfulness of the world. Today, things seemed worse.

"Hi, you two," Hazō said. "Is everything all right?"

"That depends on your definition of 'all right'," Kei said heavily. "If by 'all right' you mean 'the shinobi world is operating as normal', then yes, I would say that everything is all right."

Well, at least Kei was still Kei.

"Let me rephrase," Hazō said. "Are you all right?"

"I, too, am operating as normal," Kei said. "Given the number of KEI genin that die every week, only to be written off as a statistic, it would be hypocritical of us to set time aside to mourn two of their number merely because we had begun to grow fond of them."

"Oh," Hazō said. "I'm sorry."

"No," Snowflake said, "this was our responsibility. I recall your story of how on Haru's mission, he survived while his KEI partner perished due to nothing more than a seal's difference between them. Kei has taken on the responsibility of ensuring KEI shinobi's welfare, and I in turn am committed to supporting her. We are the ones who could have provided her with an extra seal's worth of advantage, had we only been better at our job.

"Or better at being human," Kei added bitterly. "There was nothing specific to be done about the first death. Sometimes a genin does not return from patrol. This is normal and to be expected, and individual instances are unpredictable. Yet for the second, I am confident that we could have greatly increased her odds of survival had we only found the words that would clear that… dreadful emptiness from her eyes. Had it been Ami, she would have crafted the perfect inspiration to allow Tachibana to rise above her grief. Had it been Naruto, he could have inspired her to serve the village to the very best of her ability despite it. We were… unequal to the task.

"But it is selfish to dedicate time to mourning over personal attachments while others yet require us at top performance. As you can see, I have brought Snowflake per your request. How may we be of service?"

"Mostly," Hazō said, "I wanted to update you on the training plan you asked for."

"Yes?" Snowflake asked, rising urgently from her chair. "What have you concluded?"

"I concluded," Hazō said, "that I agree with you and Kei entirely. Your agency as an individual is very important to me, and I want to help you however I can. I'm sorry I didn't put more thought into this earlier."

"Not at all," Snowflake said. "This has been a journey of discovery for all of us. Now, your proposal, please."

Hazō fished around in his bag of notes. "Here," he said, pulling out a piece of paper, "this is for you, Snowflake."

Snowflake took the offered paper and began to scan it, Kei looking over her shoulder.

Slowly and inexplicably, Snowflake turned bright red. "H-Hazō… I never expected…"

"To my radiant star, whose embrace…" Kei began to read out disbelievingly. Then, she quickly looked away. "No, apologies. I should allow you your privacy while metaphysics allow. Should I leave the two of you alone?"

"Gaah!" Hazō snatched the paper out of Snowflake's hands with the speed of a man seeing his apprentice about to infuse an incomplete seal blank. "That was meant for Akane! And also incomplete and a draft and can you please just pretend you never saw it?"

"So you are not in fact offering me unsolicited love poetry?" Snowflake clarified.

"Heck no," Hazō said without thinking. "Sorry, that came out wrong. I'm not saying there's something wrong with writing you love poetry. No, I mean, I'm not planning to write you love poetry, I'm just saying that if I were inclined to write you love poetry—"

Snowflake raised her hand, cutting him off. "Hazō. Please relax. I see no reason why you would wish to write me love poetry. I was merely taken off guard."

"Oh," Hazō said. "Good. I mean sorry. Here, this is the sheet I meant to give you."

Hazō passed over the sheet labelled "Shadow Clone Technique Use Suggestions".

Snowflake, still recovering from the previous shock, turned flaming crimson after a single glance, and this time Kei joined her.

"H-Hazō," Kei stammered, "Snowflake can make her own decisions, but… but am I to take from these numbers and diagrams that you are inviting me to participate as well?"

Hazō snatched the sheet back and looked at it for himself.

"Dammit, Mari."

"You wish Mari involved also?" Snowflake asked, eyes widening further still. "Hazō, even if I were both able and willing to accede to your original request…"

"What? No!" Hazō exclaimed. "I mean, Mari must have smuggled this into my notes after I refused her offer of advice on… uh… creative uses of shadow clones. It was probably meant to refer to Akane and Ino. I'm not inviting either of you to any kind of orgy."

"O-Of course not," Snowflake agreed. "The thought is quite ridiculous. Hazō, do you have an actual document for us to peruse, or did you come solely for the sake of tomfoolery?"

Hazō, by this point as flustered as any of them, pulled out the correct sheet, labelled "For Kei".

"Oh, no," he said, looking at their stunned and appalled faces. "What is it this time?"

"Hazō," Kei said after several seconds to calm herself, "for a man with two lovers, you are remarkably ignorant of the limits of the female anatomy. Even were they as you imagine them, we do not require your assistance."

"What is wrong with you?" Snowflake added.

Hazō took back the third sheet and glanced at it.

"It's my first draft of the fish god sex cult equipment list I wanted you to order with your discount," he said wearily. "Mari rejected it for being too implausible, but I guess I didn't throw it away."

"Enough is enough," Kei said. "You will now provide the correct item or be escorted out of this office with extreme scaly violence."

"After being penet—perforated with a statistically implausible number of kunai," Snowflake added.

After several minutes of rummaging through his bag, Hazō was forced to admit defeat.

"I'm sorry," he said reluctantly. "It looks like I forgot to bring you a training plan after all."

Kei and Snowflake exchanged commiserating glances.

"Wait," Hazō exclaimed, "wait, I can salvage this. What if… what if we get Noburi to top you up in the morning, Snowflake, and then when your time is nearly up, you use the Shadow Clone Technique to create another Snowflake to last the remaining few hours until Kei goes to sleep? Would that work?"

Snowflake sat back down, staring vaguely out of the window as she considered.

"Continuity of personal identity is a complicated issue for me," she said finally. "I prefer for there to be a Snowflake Prime at all times, whose continuity is disrupted only by sleep or unconsciousness, as it is for normal human beings. This is why, no matter what combination of us may be instantiated at any given time, there will always be one Snowflake. Were I to do as you suggest, I would dispel myself, and then have Kei use the chakra to immediately reinstantiate me as the next Snowflake Prime, rather than be replaced by an initially overlapping instance. I… appreciate that this may not make sense to you. I do not even know to what extent it makes sense to me.

"To conclude, however, the interrupted form is not ideal, additionally so because it means my full existence requires Noburi's participation and the regular extra chakra use is another nail in the OPSEC coffin. Nevertheless, I appreciate that I am inconveniencing both of you with my request, and I will accept it as a stopgap if you feel there is a more efficient long-term solution than the simple focus on the Shadow Clone Technique that Kei originally suggested."

"Great," Hazō said. "I don't think of you as inconveniencing me at all with this, though, in any way. You have every right to want as full an experience of human life as we can get you. Once we're done here, I'll go home and see if I can find the training plan I thought I had. Generally when things go missing in the compound, it's even odds that Fifi stole and/or ate them."

"Or so you claim," Kei noted coolly. "Do not think that I have forgotten the Panty Mountain Incident."

"Speaking of interesting things happening at the compound," Hazō said quickly, aware that he was outnumbered and nobody in the building would side with him if worst came to worst, "Snowflake, we've been busy building a room for you."

"A room?" Snowflake repeated uncertainly. "For me?"

"Well," Hazō said, "one of those two-room deals the rest of us have, to be precise. Also, since this time we can take our time, compared to the cheap and cheerful emergency job that is the rest of the main house, it is quite probably going to be the best room in the compound. Better yet, I've had a great idea."

Kei groaned.

"Very funny. Snowflake, how do you feel about an all-expenses-paid room decoration shopping spree for you, Akane, Ino, and anyone else you want to invite?"

"Have you already asked them?" Kei asked in her plan-optimising capacity.

"Sure have," Hazō said. "Akane was on board instantly because she's wonderful. I can't speak for what Ino thinks of you personally, but I had her at 'shopping spree'. Do you have any thoughts on what kind of decorations you'd like?"

Snowflake shook her head. "I have never had my own room before. I do not wish to disappoint you when you have gone to such extraordinary effort, but I am unlikely to spend much time in it. I do not sleep, after all, at least in a nocturnal sense, and my possessions are as yet too few to require independent storage space."

Hazō chuckled. "That's not the point of a room at all, Snowflake. I mean, technically it is, but a room is supposed to be a personal, private space. You can use it to express your individuality, and you can invite friends to it, or use it to keep the outside world out when you want to be alone, or do things that require privacy and know that nobody is going to interrupt you…"

"Unless, of course, Hazō is in the vicinity," Kei said. "Please remember that opening people's doors without their permission and observing anything that one might not wish observed is legitimate grounds for homicide in the Gōketsu Clan."

"No, it isn't," Hazō objected. "And anyway, I thought we were in agreement that no such incident has ever taken place."

"So it has not," Kei conceded. "Nevertheless, Snowflake, insist on a lockable door to which no dubious individuals have a key. Kagome will also furnish you with any traps you feel to be necessary."

Snowflake nodded seriously.

"A room of my very own…"

Hazō smiled.

"Oh, one last thing, Kei."

"Yes?"

"I've been thinking of dropping in on Kei Ruri," Hazō said carefully. "We haven't seen each other in a while, and it might be nice to catch her up on recent news."

"That is very thoughtful, Hazō," Kei said just as carefully. "If you do, I would like you to pass on two pieces of advice from me. First, it is wise to pay attention to the sources of one's news, and to consider that others might do so as well. Second, many people misunderstand the core concepts of rationality, and believe that to become rational is to carry out the same foolish acts they intended all along, but now in a more effective fashion.

"Nevertheless, if risks must be taken, it is only proper that I be the one to shoulder them, after everything I have done. Please feel free to socially interact with whom you will.

"Now, while your presence is the most welcome of distractions, I fear we must return to our work. Thank you for coming by, Hazō."

"It's been good to see you, you two. Take care of yourselves."

-o-​

It was late afternoon by the time Hazō made it to Atomu's home. He'd planned more for today, but with all the clan business (including consulting many people about many things), he hadn't even had time to hang out with Kagome-sensei the way he'd intended. Still, he'd put this off too long. If Hazō hadn't had the faintest shred of luck learning Dog ninjutsu, then he doubted Atomu had either, and if Atomu still hadn't reported that after so much time trying, that suggested nothing good about the man's mental state.

Hazō caught Atomu in the middle of equipment maintenance, a row of kunai spread neatly across the floor while Atomu busied himself with a whetstone, the occasional grunt of effort signifying how seriously he was taking his work. A blonde girl of about ten (she might have been eleven now) sat on a nearby chair, watching him while waving her legs back and forth in increasing boredom.

"Sorry to interrupt you, Atomu. Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Lord Hazō!" Atomu sprang to his feet, dropping both the whetstone and the kunai he had been sharpening. He managed to avoid having his feet impaled by the latter, but only at the cost of having one crushed by the former.

The little girl started giggling.

"Aagh! I mean, welcome to my home, My Lord! How may I serve you?"

"At ease, Atomu." Hazō smiled. "You've got to stop doing that. We're family now, remember? And how many times have I told you to stop calling me Lord Hazō?"

"I'm sorry, Lord Hazō," Atomu said with a bow. Hazō sighed.

"I just wanted to check up on you," Hazō said, "and on how you're getting on with the Dog ninjutsu you've been learning."

Atomu's face went blank. "Kari, go play outside."

"Whaaat? But Daddy, it's getting dark!"

"Kari," Atomu said, his voice turning severe, "you're disrespecting Lord Hazō, the head of our clan. You must never disrespect Lord Hazō. Now go play outside."

"Tell you what," Hazō said. "My brother Noburi is in the main building right now being up to no good. He loves kids, and he loves telling tall tales, and he loves to boast, so why don't you go find him and get him to tell you a story about our adventures?"

Kari's eyes lit up. "What kind of adventures?"

"Kenjutsu. Fighting. T&I. Poison gas. True love. Hate. Revenge. Chakra golems. Hunter-nin. Bad men. Good men. Beautifulest ladies. Giant snakes. Sky squid. Chakra beasts of all natures and descriptions. Pain. Death. Brave men. Coward men. Strongest men. Chases. Escapes. Lies. Truths. Passion. Miracles."

Not a word more needed to be said.

"So how has it been going, Atomu?" Hazō asked once they were alone.

Atomu slumped into a painfully deep bow. "I have failed you, My Lord."

Hazō suppressed a sigh. It was just as he'd feared, then. Atomu hadn't reported his failure out of guilt and shame, piling more and more pressure on himself out of a feeling of responsibility nobody had asked him for. One of the very first things Mum had taught him when he started training at the Academy was the importance of accepting when you didn't know what to do, and asking for help, instead of trying to push through with sheer hard work and wasting everybody's time including your own. (Of course, he'd then encountered teachers who taught wrong and expected children to get to the right answer through sheer hard work, and considered asking for help a form of failure, and trying to set them straight had been… unproductive.)

"I can't imagine what it must have cost you to get an expert from another world just for me," Atomu went on, "but no matter how hard I've tried, I just can't get it. I've done the motions until I was blue in the face, and I've channelled chakra through my ears and tailbone until I ran out, day after day, but it looks like I'm just not good enough. I'm so sorry."

Hazō shook his head. "You've done nothing wrong, Atomu. Learning Dog ninjutsu has turned out to be much harder than anticipated—not for you, but for me too. I haven't been able to learn a single technique, despite going to a teacher who's even more experienced at teaching humans than your teacher."

"Even you, Lord Hazō?"

"That's right," Hazō said. "Even the Hokage, who learned countless ninjutsu from the God of Shinobi himself, and who has a summon boss on call, thinks it's impossible. Do you know what it took for Hatake Kakashi, the only known user of Dog ninjutsu, to be able to do it?"

"What, Lord Hazō?"

"The Sharingan. He needed one of the most powerful Bloodline Limits in existence, famous for its special powers of copying ninjutsu. So if you're blaming yourself for not being able to do it just by being clever and determined, don't. This is the kind of hurdle you were facing—the kind of hurdle we're both facing."

"Oh." Atomu's face fell. "So it's really impossible, then. Well, thank you for trying, Lord Hazō. I really appreciate that you'd go so far for me."

"Nonono!" Hazō shook his hands in denial. "I'm not saying we give up. Now that we know what we're up against, we can apply the proper amount of effort to the problem. We'll go to Cannai and ask him to get his senior ninjutsu experts to help us. We'll get everyone's advice, and we'll figure out how to go from there. We won't give up just because we can't do it the Captain Hatake way."

"But Cannai… isn't he the Dog Clan Kage?" Atomu asked. "Canun-sensei talks about him like he's the Sage himself, only with floppier ears."

"He sure is," Hazō said. "And do you know what matters most to the Dogs?"

"What, Lord Hazō?"

"The pack," Hazō said. "To Cannai, you're one of mine, and that means you're pack. You don't hesitate to help one of your pack. You don't weigh the resource costs or worry about whether they can pay you back. You just do whatever's necessary. In his words, 'it is what one does'."

"I'm… pack?" Atomu asked bemusedly.

"You're pack," Hazō confirmed. "And this is a thing you need, which means we will get it for you."

Atomu blinked several times, then wiped his eyes. "Excuse me, Lord Hazō."

"Don't worry," Hazō said. "Sometimes these things are overwhelming to me too.

"Also, quit calling me 'Lord Hazō'."

-o-​

You have received 3 + 1 (Fun-to-Write) = 4 XP.

-o-​

Mari is sceptical about trading adoption slots with Naruto. Noburi is uncertain. Kei thinks she can do it, but makes no promises—anybody adopted using those slots will be subject to Hazō's orders, and Naruto does not trust Hazō's orders to be for the good of Leaf. There is also the question of what the Gōketsu can offer the heir of two clans who has limited personal needs and could get a chakra pony from the Hokage if he wanted to (especially right now).

As mentioned in-thread, adopting Honoka would be fine as far as Leaf at large is concerned (if rather weird), but the estate ninja would be hurt and appalled and it would cost a great deal of their goodwill. Minimising this would be difficult, because even if there were an argument for adopting Honoka in the future, there is none for doing it now.

Adopting Lee or Sakura would be less bad (unlike Honoka, they're capable of making a contribution to the clan, and at least it's benefiting someone's odds of survival), but it still breaks Hazō's promise to adopt the estate ninja "as soon as we can". Sakura is a generally unremarkable chūnin, but the consequences for the Gōketsu's reputation from adopting Rock Lee should not need explaining (Noburi suggests asking Ruri about her experience of the Kei adopting Anko).

Noburi is going to ask around the Toad Clan, but he is not optimistic that any toad would be interested in undertaking the epic journey to Dog without a compelling reason.

-o-​

What do you do?

Voting ends on Saturday 8th of January, 1 p.m. New York time.
 
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