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Loyalty or No SV you Are the Daedra

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It was funny because it wasn't funny, the epitome of modern-day humour.:p
 
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The circle of life
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    • You sheathe your sword, crouch low and proceed with catlike tread. The cavern is mottled by deep shadows around the edges and between the fires. There's not a full path in shadow to the rock platform in the centre but you think you can get there without turning too many heads.

    But for now you can stick to the murky, slightly smokey outside of the cave. Like a pale blue crystal ninja you hug the wall, feeling every bump and lump under your fingers as you crouch along behind the crowd of goblins watching the production atop the rock. Morlia is holding herself rigidly upright and stubbornly refusing to do as she's instructed by the menacing goblins until one or two take a swipe at her. You'd grin about the fact that she's giving you time to get to her but no lips and you content yourself with general smugness.

    Half way around the cave edge and you reach a difficult spot. You need to start towards the rock if you're going to get close enough to get up there and free Morlia before any goblin can react. The problem is the two fires close together near the edge. The warm orange glow from both laps at the tips of your crystal boots and they gleam a little in the light. That wouldn't be so bad but there's a group of goblins around each fire. One wrong move and they will notice a gleam of light in the dark let alone a seven foot Knight of Order.

    Mentally you breathe deep, inviting in a calm certainty in what you are about to do.

    With careful feline precision and grace you pull away from the wall and tread the murky path to the rock and Morlia's salvation. Each footstep makes you want to wince, ringing loud in your non-existent ears. Thankfully the goblins don't notice any of that.

    Then your foot brushes against a pebble and sends it skimming out in front of you. One of the goblins looks after the noise, scanning the murk ahead of where you're standing, sword ready. After several moments the goblins shrugs and turns back to chatting with a friend. You think it might have said something like 'it was just the wind'.

    You sigh and immediately freeze. You didn't mean to actually sigh! Argh, it was so loud as well! They're going to see you for sure!

    Instead you just hear the same probably 'it was just the wind' comment make the rounds again. Not about to push your luck any further you hurry quietly onward and make sure not to step on any more pebbles.

    Finally, when Morlia is very nearly exactly where the goblins want her to stand and the shaman is polishing a very large, very rusty knife, you reach the rock. You'd wait for a better chance or scout around for a better angle but there's no time. Morlia needs rescuing now.

    "AAAAAAAA! KIBENYA!" You leap up onto the rock sword in hand and slash it across the shaman's chest. The bone covered goblin staggers back in a chorus of clatters and jangles. "AMADITCHIBABA SITTEEYU~"

    "Took your time didn't you! 'Fast Enough' my foot!" Morlia snaps at you. The goblins who were menacing her back of, confused if their wide eyes and rapid chatter is anything to go by. The Shaman, blood oozing from the cut across its chest, scrambles past you into the ranks of the other goblins before you can hit it again.

    You quickly cut a thick rope from around Morlia's wrists and retreat up the rock further, hoping to bottle neck the goblins so they can't swarm you.

    "Do you have a plan for this?" Morlia asks.

    [ ] What do you do
    -[ ] Flurries for everyone!
    -[ ] Power attacks are the way to go
    -[ ] Spin to win deals with numbers best
    -[ ] Basics are where it's at
    -[ ] Write in

    [ ] Ideas for what Morlia does
    -[ ] Summon something, preferably lots of them!
    -[ ] Just blast them with that little fireblast!
    -[ ] Improvise, just don't light me on fire!
    -[ ] Nothing, stay behind me and stay safe.

    Update for the update throne and bad singing for all!
     
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    • [X] What do you do
    -[X] Basics are where it's at

    [X] Ideas for what Morlia does
    -[X] Summon something, preferably lots of them!

    Well Mistress in light of the previous fights I did to get here... I think something... simple would be better.... OH and you should summon a lot of ... something, anything really... can you summon crows? We could have a murder of crows then... eh?
     
    [X] What do you do
    -[X] Spin to win deals with numbers best

    [X] Ideas for what Morlia does
    -[X] Improvise, just don't like me on fire!
     
    Come on, we should be competent for the time being - I mean the boss lady mistress is watching us!
     
    Knight-Radiant said:
    Question! I can't remember if this has been brought up before atm but, can we let someone 'wear' us?
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    Given that we are solid, not an empty suit of armour, it would surprise me.

    [X] What do you do
    -[X] Flurries for everyone!
    --[X] Fight defensively, prioritising keeping them from getting past you over dealing damage.
    ---[X] Top yourself off with your healing when necessary.
    -[X] Before you launch the first one, say "Welcome to Fast Burger! Please enjoy your complimentary McFLURRY!"

    [X] Ideas for what Morlia does
    -[X] Summon everything you usefully can, then start using your own magic. Prioritise anything that keeps the pressure off me or deals with any ranged attacks they have.
    --[X] The others will be along shortly, so the focus is on staying alive until then.
     
    [X] What do you do
    -[X] Flurries for everyone!
    --[X] Fight defensively, prioritising keeping them from getting past you over dealing damage.
    ---[X] Top yourself off with your healing when necessary.
    -[X] Before you launch the first one, say "Welcome to Fast Burger! Please enjoy your complimentary McFLURRY!"

    [X] Ideas for what Morlia does
    -[X] Summon everything you usefully can, then start using your own magic. Prioritise anything that keeps the pressure off me or deals with any ranged attacks they have.
    --[X] The others will be along shortly, so the focus is on staying alive until then.
     
    Skewfiend said:
    Fast: "You're going to make me on fire. You wouldn't like me when I am on fire. In fact, please don't like me when I am of fire!"

    :V
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    Either I need to type slower or proof read better. At least someone got a laugh out of it I guess.....
    And now I can't unsee Fast hulking out into a giant flame atronach.... :confused:
     
    Omake: Blackmailing Mehrunes Dagon!
    ​
    Fast couldn't keep from sniggering evilly as he put the finishing touches to the fifth and final copy of his handy instructional text, sealing it in an envelope like the others. Each of the damn things was a finger-thick sheaf, and it had taken him the better part of a week to research and transcribe them, but if he was right, it would be worth every second.

    "Fast?" said Diana in a concerned tone. "What are you up to?"

    "Blackmail!" said Fast cheerfully, without looking up.

    "That's... not very nice, Fast" said Diana in an accusatory tone, looking at him with her puppy-dog eyes.

    "Not even if I'm blackmailing Mehrunes Dagon into leaving us alone?" asked the blue daedra with more than a hint of smugness, finally meeting her gaze.

    Shock ran through the rest of the room's occupants. Diana was temporarily speechless, while Lucas laughed, not entirely sure whether to believe him.

    Morlia, for her part, just sighed, and said tiredly "What exactly are you going to try and blackmail an Daedric Prince with?"

    Smugness intensifying, Fast explained, leaning nonchalantly against the desk. "Well, telling everyone how to bollix up his plans for starters, but I was going to do that anyway. How much do you know about the khajiti pantheon?"

    Completely wrongfooted, Morlia replied "Ah, nothing really. What has that have to do with anything?"

    Fast was somehow exuding a sense that if he had a mouth, his grin would be in danger of bisecting his head, as he said "Well, the thing is, the Khajit believe that Mehrunes Dagon is actually a kitten-god called Merrunz, 'for what is more destructive than a kitten?'." Pausing a moment to let the giggling subside, he pressed on. "Anyway, back in the Dragonbreak in the Middle Dawn, these guys called the Marukhati Selective tried to separate the elven Auri-El from the human Akatosh. No-one knows if they actually succeeded, but Auri-El went into that Dragonbreak as the dominant aspect of the time god, and Akatosh left it as the dominant aspect."

    Lucas raised a hand to forestall him, the other clutching his forehead. "Slow down, damn it, you're making my head hurt! What does any of that actually mean?"

    Sulking a little, Fast said petulantly, "Fine. I'll give you the dumbed-down version: It's possible to change gods, and I have figured out enough to plausibly threaten to turn Mehrunes Dagon into a kitten!"

    "Of course he fucking has." said Morlia quietly to no-one in particular. "Why not? They're only gods!", before laughing bitterly, and muttering "So this is my life now?"

    The others just stared at the gloating daedra.

    Waving one of his envelopes, Fast said "Each of these has everything I know about Merrunz' mortal servants in Cyrodil at around this time, enough high-end theological information to prove to any serious priest that I know what's what, and everything you need to start turning Mehrunes Dagon into Merrunz the kitten: Monothought, tower-dancing, his protonymic (Lehkelogah), the Hurling Disc, guiding popular belief- the works! You name it, it's in there."
    Slapping it back down onto the table, he said "Get one of these into the hands of any sort of high priest or influential figure, and Dagon's days of not being mostly a kitten are numbered."

    "That," Said Diana firmly. "Is so cool! I can't believe you know how to turn a Daedra into a kitten! is he cute?"

    "My sources are inconclusive, but I choose to believe he is." returned Fast.

    "Your craziness must be rubbing off on me, because I am actually considering this." said Lucas, chuckling. "So what's the plan?"

    "Well, first we need to put the things somewhere he can't easily get at." Said Fast. "I'll hang onto one, but we should probably give one to Ol' Janus hassildor, and ask him to only open it if he hears we died, and put the rest in places where they'll be found eventually if we don't move them. If you can hold onto one and find something like that for the rest, that'd be grand."

    "Aw." said diana, looking disappointed. "So we won't be turning him into a kitten after all?"

    "That's not how blackmail works." said Lucas, not unkindly. "If you just do the thing you are threatening to do, they have no reason to do what you say."

    "I see." said Diana, as if mentally filing that away. Fast was not sure how he felt about that.

    He decided to change the subject instead. "Anyway, once that is done, all we have to do is summon up one of the daedra that serve Mehrunes Dagon, and get it to deliver a message."

    "What if something goes wrong, and someone finds it too soon?" asked Morlia, interrupting.

    Fast shrugged. "Well, I'm pretty sure he's alredy trying to kill us as hard as he can over the whole Greymarch thing, so we're probably no worse off if that happens."

    Morlia rested her face in her hands for a while, before eventually replying, "I can't believe I'm actually agreeing to this, but fine, you have my permission to try blackmailing a Daedric Prince."

    "Hooray!" shouted Fast, heedless of volume. "I promise you it probably won't fail, and that if it does, it will be hilarious."

    "That's the best I ever get from you, isn't it?" muttered Morlia.

    "Yup." said Fast.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~​

    The better part of a week later, after having splashed out on a scroll of Summon Dremora Lord, they were ready, and performed the summons in a thicket far from civilisation.

    An ash-skinned creature in elaborate black-and-red armour, face adorned with glowing runes, appeared in a puff of smoke, and looked around cautiously, seeing a Knight of Order and two robed figures. It visibly started when it saw Fast.

    Fast stepped forwards, saying "I see you recognise me. Good. That means you are a Dremora Markynaz in the service of the one men call Mehrunes Dagon, yes?"

    The summoned creature moved its mouth, but no sound came out, and Fast looked a little sheepish for a moment. "Yeah, sorry about that, the default summoning spell doesn't let you speak. Just nod or shake your head."

    The dremora nodded its head, an expression of displeasure on its face.

    "As I was saying, you are a Markynaz in service to the one known to men as Mehrunes Dagon, to Khajit as Merrunz, and to the truly learned as Lekhelogah-Djehkeleho-dehbe-effehezepeh, yes?"

    Fast audibly had trouble pronouncing the strange, daedric syllables, but they were enough to cause the dremora to visibly blanch. It gave a short, shallow nod.

    Rapidly approaching Terminal Smug, fast said "Excellent! I need you to take a little message to your master from me. Are you up for that?"

    The daedra nodded sullenly.

    Fast cleared the throat he didn't have, before saying: "Tell your master that my name is Fast Enough, and he has me wrong: I have no more interest in allowing Jyggalag to go free than he does, and will do all I can to prevent that. You can also tell him that I also don't have any particular interest in using the ancient techniques of the ol' Marukhati Selective and the knowledge of his Protonymic and Neonymic to turn Merrunz into his dominant aspect, but I totally will unless he calls off his dudes and tries to get the others to back off. You get all that?"

    The dremora stared at him for a long moment, looking utterly shocked, before finally nodding.

    "Cool beans." said Fast, before manifesting a quill and parchment seemingly out of nowhere, and handing it to the other daedra. "Now repeat that to me to make sure you've memorised it!"

    He had the dremora lord repeatedly write out the message until the duration of the summons ended, and it vanished in a puff of smoke.

    "Do you think it will work?" asked Diana hesitantly.

    "I have no idea." replied Fast with unseemly cheer. "But it will be fun to find out!"


    ++++++++++++++++++
    So, yeah, I found out some interesting stuff on my various wiki-walks about the Elder Scrolls, and I am pretty sure that all checks out.

    We should totally do something like this when we get the chance.

    At the very least, we should start referring to him as the kitten, and the Mythic Dawn as Kitten-Cultists. :p
     
    Skewfiend said:
    It's possible to change gods, and I have figured out enough to plausibly threaten to turn Mehrunes Dagon into a kitten!"
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    Skewfiend said:
    "I can't believe I'm actually agreeing to this, but fine, you have my permission to try blackmailing a Daedric Prince."
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    Click to shrink...

    Skewfiend said:
    "I promise you it probably won't fail, and that if it does, it will be hilarious."
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    Dying from laughter; send help.
     
    @Skewfiend Thanks, just thanks for providing something I can read and laugh at tonight. I haven't updated in far too long and I would promise something soon but I'm feeling far to anxious to have any confidence of keeping that promise :( Few too many Brexit flashbacks right now and I'm to nervous/anxious to go to sleep :(
     
    Kyrina said:
    @Skewfiend Thanks, just thanks for providing something I can read and laugh at tonight. I haven't updated in far too long and I would promise something soon but I'm feeling far to anxious to have any confidence of keeping that promise :( Few too many Brexit flashbacks right now and I'm to nervous/anxious to go to sleep :(
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    No worris. :D


    But yeah, I know that feeling. I am currently procrastinating around fourfold right now, and my own quest is on about the second layer. :p
     
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