Let's Play Every Final Fantasy Game In Order Of Release [Now Finished: Final Fantasy Tactics]

Last time, I left us in the middle of a cutscene. I needed some time to think about it.

Because this is the part of the game where it's decided it needed to address the fact that there are women in the team.

Yeah, when you said last update that you needed time to process a plot development, this was the one I suspected was the cause.

It was weird and stupid when I played the SNES version, it was weird and stupid when I played the 3D version, and it's weird and stupid now. I agree with everyone that it's best that everyone ignores that this ever happened, and move on.

Oh god.

It is the moon rabbits.

An entire species of them.

Their little humming sound is re-used as the humming the Loporrits in FFXIV do. And it actually impressed me back in the SNES version, because I don't think the sound is used anywhere else in the game, so that's precious cartridge memory being used for a random one-shot side location.

The Flame Whip is a genuinely powerful weapon with a chance to cause paralysis on every hit. But the Stardust Rod that is Rydia's over weapon option has an innate Intellect bonus, which means her magic is better, and I'm having her cast Bio every combat, so… What's the point?

Also I just got used to using the Stardust Rod to cast Comet as Rydia's default attack each turn, to add a bit of damage without using MP. I don't even recall if the Flame Whip could cast a spell, since the Stardust Rod outclassed it so much.


All this little dude does, every turn, is cast Scan on itself, which tells you how much HP it has left and that it has a Lightning weakness. This is some of the most obvious bait I've seen in my life, so I just kill it with weapons, which it is completely helpless against. Apparently if you hit it with lightning it counters for massive damage?

He also turns up in FFXIV as an A-rank Hunt in Shadowbringers (Kholusia, in the second half of the map). Since FFXIV doesn't do elemental weaknesses, there he just keeps theatrically lamenting how he's going to die, while blasting everyone with powerful lightning AoEs.
 
It's probably worth mentioning that Final Fantasy IV's many different versions have a number of superbosses, albeit they're all postgame or new game +.

At this point in the DS Remake, there are 2 different superbosses available, albeit only during New Game +. The more interesting one, albeit a bit easier, is Geryon, who is unlocked after beating all 4 archfiends. He's the ultimate example of Rubicante and the others learning the REAL SUPERPOWER OF TEAMWORK, as he is a mishmash of all the Fiends' signature attacks, plus some status effects for flavor. The other superboss can only be challenged by using an item that you stole from the final boss in an earlier playthrough on the moon's surface, and is much harder, arguably one of the hardest in the entire series. There's not really any spoilers attached to either of them, although they are nice tidbits of lore.
 
…you know, I'm going to assume that the Lunar Whale extended rooms outside the screen that we can't access, because the alternative is that Rydia and Rosa just clung to the outside of the hull as the ship made its way through the vacuum of space. Which is admittedly extremely funny.

Cecil, Edge and Kain inside the Lunar Whale, moping quietly in stoic fashion as they ride off to face their grim fate in honorable and manly tradition.

Rosa, hiding in the airlock and praying furiously that she's done the right thing and that she can find the right words to make the man she loves see reason and take her with him.

Rydia, whip in hand, doing the Dio pose as she rides the Lunar Whale up/down to the surface of the moon and cackling maniacally.
 
I think this is the point where Omicron goes further into Final Fantasy than I ever did. I played the gameboy version of FF4, and I'm certain I got to the moon. However, at some point in the endgame, you get the option to swap your party members for the characters that survived leaving your party. Being the idiot optimizer I was (and sometimes still am), I wanted the best possible party to play through the endgame. But to do that, I needed to compare how all the characters performed. But to do that, I needed to grind with the returning characters until they matched the rest of the party. And I was gonna get around to it eventually, it was (yawn) very important...
 
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And t
I think this is the point where Omicron goes further into Final Fantasy than I ever did. I played the gameboy version of FF4, and I'm certain I got to the moon. However, at some point in the endgame, you get the option to swap your party members for the characters that survived leaving your party. Being the idiot optimizer I was (and sometimes still am), I wanted the best possible party to play through the endgame. But to do that, I needed to compare how all the characters performed. But to do that, I needed to grind with the returning characters until they matched the rest of the party. And I was gonna get around to it eventually, it was (yawn) very important...
I just switched Edge out for the superior Edward and Kain out for Yang and called it a day; Edward can rival Rydia for DPS at high levels (and do so without using up finite consumables), while Yang has more kit to work with than one-trick-pony Kain.
 
God, that first scene honestly kinda makes me laugh, 'cos it's so...naive? Like, it feels to me like the kind of scene that's written by people who have a basic idea that sexism is wrong, but their only conception of what Sexism actually manifests as is the overwrought "stay in the kitchen, whore" bullshit. So they write one scene where the girls get to be like "men, right?" and then the game gets right back to refusing to examine its cultural biases.

We can acknowledge that it might have been a step forward for the time while also having a good laugh at how cringe it is in this day and age.
 
Now that we've confirmed Namingway to be from a tribe of moon rabbits, I can show you the hummingway DS concept art, which is basically the same as the model save for the latter being low res. I legit thought they were just dudes in hats until the DS version showed them to be



Yeah, for the Loporrits in XIV they basically just took that exact design, switched the rabbit eyes out for human ones, and took the jewel off their turbans.
 
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And naturally that starts by making all our male characters have a Relatable Sexism Moment.
Ah yes, this scene. Making it even dumber is the fact that at no point before this did any of the male characters have any objection to the female characters getting involved in things. So Cecil had no problem bringing Rosa into the previously unknown underground world that was inevitably going to be full of horrible monsters, or bringing Rosa and Rydia with him when he went to take down the Giant of Babil, or bringing Porom, who need I remind you is a five-year-old child who probably actually was out of her depth, with him to storm Baron Castle. But letting Rosa and Rydia help out in the final dungeon, where the gang would absolutely get their asses handed to them without their help? Clearly that's a bridge too far.

On a more positive note, the Lunar Subterrane playing the Red Wings theme is a great choice. It certainly got me hyped up when I first played back in the day.
 
FuSoYa calls out to Golbez - but not to hold him back. Instead, he is saying that he is a Lunarian, just like Zemus, and will join Golbez in his search to find Zemus and brings him to account for his crimes. He doesn't talk about this with the rest of the group, and neither does Golbez - bizarrely, they just do a figurative fistbump and turn to leave the scene without any further concertation with the group that brought FuSoYa here and defeated Golbez, and instead this happens:

But just as they are about to exit the ship, they find out they had stowaways!


…you know, I'm going to assume that the Lunar Whale extended rooms outside the screen that we can't access, because the alternative is that Rydia and Rosa just clung to the outside of the hull as the ship made its way through the vacuum of space. Which is admittedly extremely funny.

Are FuSoYa and Golbez also stowed away on the ship somewhere? I've been wondering how they were planning on getting to the moon considering the FuSoYa took the Lunar Whale to earth with the cast.

Rydia and Rosa while clinging to the outside of the Lunar Whale: "What the?"

Golbez, also dramatically clinging to the outside of the ship: "Don't say anything to my brother about this."
 
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Are FuSoYa and Golbez also stowed away on the ship somewhere? I've been wondering how they were planning on getting to the moon considering the FuSoYa took the Lunar Whale to earth with the cast.

Rydia and Rosa while clinging to the outside of the Lunar Whale: "What the?"

Golbez, also dramatically clinging to the outside of the ship: "Don't say anything to my brother about this."
Rydia: "Wait, isn't this thing the size of a small city? Why are we all hanging on to the side of this thing?!"
FuSoYa (using a communicator from inside the ship): "I was wondering when you idiots would cotton on to this. I'm opening a side door, so stop goofing around and come on in."

To be serious, I'd imagine an ancient astronomer/wizard like FuSoYa would definitely have his ways of getting to the moon. Spare ship, maybe, or just an uber-teleporter he has stashed away somewhere.
 
I knew it was coming first thing in this update and I still hate it. I consider that bullshit not just the worst cutscene in FF4, but the worst in all of FF.
Probably the worst complete cutscene, but if snippets of otherwise good cutscenes count then I think it's beaten by
the bit in FF6 that implies Edgar is a pedophile

The game is just showing us the tragedy of sexism preventing men from wearing bustiers.
It makes a comeback in FF6, and in that game it makes the strongest characters even more broken. Even if you could give it to someone else I wouldn't.
 
FuSoYa reaches the moon by letting his beard extend to its full height.

So does he let it push him all the way to the moon, or does his beard reach out and grab the moon, rappelling him along?

Silly: "FuSoYa FuSoYa let up your beard!"

Even sillier, Golbez climbing this beard to Heaven while carrying FuSoYa on his back to complete the Star Wars references.
'I can be a backpack while you climb'

The game is just showing us the tragedy of sexism preventing men from wearing bustiers
[Honeybee Inn intensifies]
 
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It's characteristic of a certain kind of clumsy if well-intentioned writing that's trying to affirm female character agency but can't really step out of the baseline assumption that male characters will be (not necessarily knowingly) chauvinistic and assumed to be incharge, and counters that by playing into some old Female Wisdom/Mother Knows Best tropes were sometimes all you can do is let the boys do the stupid thing they want to do while girls solve the real problems the real way. I associate it with some bits of David and Leigh Eddings' writing?

I have spent entirely too much time thinking about this sequence. Let's move on.

After this cutscene, in the GBA version, this is where you can pick your other characters in Mysidia. Also, a dungeon appears on Mt. Ordeals where you can find some actual endgame equipment for them.

This is the Lunar Subterrane, and it's probably longest dungeon in the franchise so far? I think that's in part because FFIV is just Everything Bigger and Badder, but also because the introduction of save points mid-dungeon means the game can extend the length of dungeon past what would be meaningfully possible to accomplish in a single run.

This is the dungeon with the room with the Flan Princesses, that can drop a Pink Tail you can trade for the ultimate armour; the Adamantite Amour. They omnicast Berserk on your party and hit like a truck.

All this little dude does, every turn, is cast Scan on itself, which tells you how much HP it has left and that it has a Lightning weakness. This is some of the most obvious bait I've seen in my life, so I just kill it with weapons, which it is completely helpless against. Apparently if you hit it with lightning it counters for massive damage?


They will cast Thundaga on your party. It does a stupid amount of damage.

LUNASAURS. ZOMBIE DINOSAURS FROM THE MOON. I love it.

In the 3D remake, The Lunasaurs will omnicast Bad Breath on you party. It will likely kill you. I remember having only Edge alive, confused, and a pig trying to punch himself in the face over and over. He kept missing due to his high Evasion stat and being blind. Eventually the Lunasaur will have enough and just punch you dead.

Dark Bahamut has no countdown; it opens the fight with Mega Flare faster than you can take your first action, putting anyone it doesn't kill outright (the damage is so massive that in the above screenshot Kain instadies from full HP) into the danger zone. Then it casts Reflect on itself, and starts bouncing Flare off himself onto your party. One might think, "well, that's not as bad as if he just kept casting MF," which is technically true, but that only makes the fight incredibly difficult as opposed to outright impossible, because Dark Bahamut is incredibly fast and easily casts Flare twice per round - and once it's done, it goes back to Mega Flare. One might say "use Slow" but the only character with slow is Rosa, and she is heavily taxed by the need to heal and cast Reflect. Flare deals heavy, but not lethal damage, but can't be reflected (since he's badminton-ing it off himself in the first place). Mega Flare will wipe the party if they're not all at full health, though, and the only defense is Reflect to cast it back at DaBaMu, and now that FuSoYa is gone and with only one Curtain event in my inventory, the only way to apply Reflect is Rosa casting it one at a time.

Dark Bahamut, after the first Mega Flare, will only cast Mega Flare as a counter to you casting a Summon to attack. I... learned that the hard way. I kept wiping because I was young and wanted my dragon v dragon fight. I eventually got wise to it though.

Ogopogo has a very powerful and frightening opening move. After that, though, it only uses physical attacks, meaning it's much less of a threat than Dark Bahamut… Except if you try to exploit its elemental weakness with Lightning spells it casts Whirl, which is Tornado-except-not-a-spell, so it hard sets a party member to single digit HP while ignoring Reflect, and if you use any other magic it counters with a freezing magic attack, and since I don't figure that out on the fly while I am in the middle of the battle, it's a pretty painful fight, which, again, is won at much expense for my two more disposable characters

The japanese name is Tidal Leviathan. It didn't fit, so they used Ogopogo, then kept it for every other version.

The Ogopogo is a mythological sea creature of Okanagan Lake, from British Columbia, Canada. As a fellow British Columbian, It does my heart proud to know it took you down. :D
 
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Probably the worst complete cutscene, but if snippets of otherwise good cutscenes count then I think it's beaten by
the bit in FF6 that implies Edgar is a pedophile

The various translations for 6 means that that line is more or less yikes depending on the version. I've heard that the original Japanese was something like 'No, that would be a crime'? The new version in the pixel remaster is pretty innocuous. For the SNES version, I honestly never took 'look me up in ten years' (I think that was the line) as pedo shit, but I was also in middle school playing through it, so shrug.
 
For the SNES version, I honestly never took 'look me up in ten years' (I think that was the line) as pedo shit, but I was also in middle school playing through it, so shrug.
In fairness, I'm pretty sure the intent of the scene is another joke at Edgar's complete lack of play and inability to quit flirting with anyone of the fairer sex - like, an earlier scene established that he hits on the maids at the castle and none of them have ever given him the time of day despite him being rich, handsome, and powerful, so he's absolutely a dork with zero game - so I largely just hum loudly and pretend that bit doesn't happen. Still, major cringe.
 
This is also another part where the DS version "view thoughts" thing is relevant for Kain. Over the course of the final dungeon he notices Zemus trying to take control of him, but this time recognizes the intrusive thoughts as not his own and not in line with his desires and throws off the attempt. There are two interpretations here.

1. It reflects character development on his part to throw away his hatred and resent
2. Zemus is actually kinda bad at this without the cheat of Lunarian vulnerability, because one of the intrusive thoughts Kain recognizes as not his own and not in line with his desires and successfully resists involves killing both Cecil and Rosa, when Golbez' control attempts involved tapping into his love for Rosa and resent over her choosing Cecil over him - it's possible Zemus would have succeeded if he sent the thought "kill Cecil and capture Rosa" like Golbez did
 
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Put together, I could try and make Rydia into a physical attacker, if I wanted to, for some reason. Or I could buff Rosa (she can't equip the whip but she can equip the Bustier), which given how often I have her use her bow in random encounters would be genuinely a boost in power… at a huge cost to her healing?

It's such a strange option to propose here at the 11th hour.

Another quick Magical Land of Yeld digression. So, the basic resolution mechanic of the game involves making dicepools from your core stats + "special dice". Special dice are basically skills, for the most part: you have a series of knowledge skills for various subjects, acrobatics, etc. Some are more specific, though, like Charge, which adds to all your rolls, but only in the first round of battle.

One interesting thing about it is that straight bonuses to attack are very rare and hard to get. I think it's generally done to promote debuff attacks, because getting them is pretty easy. It helps counter the usual bias against debuffs since they're actually far more likely to land than regular attacks, even if they do prolong the fight.

One of the few exceptions to this is Black Mage job, which allows you to take Sacrifice special dice. Sacrifice adds to all your dagger attacks, plus gives a bonus to the spell you cast after a successful attack. Now, the obvious use for it is to stab an enemy and pivot to casting, of course, but there is absolutely nothing stopping you from heavily investing in it and just stabbing enemies in the face all day every day.

I do appreciate the ability to play a mage whose magic is knives. Just knives.

(Though, granted, since the game uses the job system, and since special dice are transferrable between jobs, you're more likely to spend some time as a mage, gain levels in Sacrifice, then switch to another job that would better benefit from it, but still.)

Ah yes, this scene. Making it even dumber is the fact that at no point before this did any of the male characters have any objection to the female characters getting involved in things. So Cecil had no problem bringing Rosa into the previously unknown underground world that was inevitably going to be full of horrible monsters, or bringing Rosa and Rydia with him when he went to take down the Giant of Babil, or bringing Porom, who need I remind you is a five-year-old child who probably actually was out of her depth, with him to storm Baron Castle. But letting Rosa and Rydia help out in the final dungeon, where the gang would absolutely get their asses handed to them without their help? Clearly that's a bridge too far.

Yeah, at this point it's just weird. Like, the game didn't have an issue with allowing Rydia to rescue Cecil and Co back then, and afterwards Cecil didn't have any issues with her presence because, well, he'd be dead without her and she clearly knows what she's doing, so doing this scene now feels especially tone-deaf.

The game is just showing us the tragedy of sexism preventing men from wearing bustiers.

And that is the reason why TWEWY is strictly superior as far as JRPGs go.

(Also better at character customization through outfits. The high-risk set that put your HP in the red at the start of the battle but gave ridiculous bonuses to all stats so long as you remained in the red was very fun, even if I couldn't reliably use it against bosses.)
 
In fairness, I'm pretty sure the intent of the scene is another joke at Edgar's complete lack of play and inability to quit flirting with anyone of the fairer sex - like, an earlier scene established that he hits on the maids at the castle and none of them have ever given him the time of day despite him being rich, handsome, and powerful, so he's absolutely a dork with zero game - so I largely just hum loudly and pretend that bit doesn't happen. Still, major cringe.
I'm sure we'll have more cause to talk about it when Omicron actually gets to 6, but I've come around to a take I saw from a twitch streamer (Lauren the Flute) while she was going through the remaster that all Edgar's flirting is a small rebellious quirk he started doing to keep himself sane while pretending to be allies with the empire that murdered his father. He enjoys it, but the whole 'playboy king who can't help himself' reputation is an image he cultivates because he finds it convenient when people underestimate him.
 
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