Let's Play Every Final Fantasy Game In Order Of Release [Now Playing: Final Fantasy IX]

It saw us engage with a variety of systems that only exists for the purposes of this quest, capture a bunch of wild animals, train and feed them, and then do horrible crimes against nature in order to engage in a bizarre game of color eugenics to produce the apex creature on the Planet. It took hours even with a guide, cost us a bunch of gil, but also happened to unlock the path to what amounts to an Infinite GP Hack if we feed our Gold Chocobo some Sylkis Greens to ensure it wins forever at the Gold Saucer races. And we were rewarded with a bunch of new Materia that have increasing levels of game-breaking power, and… I guess the satisfaction of having a Gold Chocobo to ride around on for the rest of the game? All in a process which requires us to completely divorce our understanding of the fictional reality of the game from its mechanics, because Cloud and Co just blew off the impending death of everything due to a Meteor that is literally hanging in the sky right now and approaching by the day in order to raise several successive generations of racing bird.

Hey, this could be a very relevant contingency plan. Suppose Cloud and friends fail to stop Sephiroth and Meteor lands? There will need to be a successor species to carry the torch, stop Sephiroth, and treat the Planet right where they failed. And if they are successful against all odds a superior species such is the Golden Chocobo that it will be patient enough to wait however long it takes for humanity to go extinct and take it's proper place in all its humility and wisdom? Can't you see the sheer genius, layers, and foresight of Avalanche's strategy?!
 
Nice to see all the Chocobo rewards. In my blind play I managed to produce a Green Chocobo, but I never got any farther.

Also, Hades is surprisingly useful, because a lot of bosses aren't immune to all status effects and now you don't have to rely on trial and error to find out which ones work. Just use Hades and any status effects you could use in the fight are good to go. Plus, it looks (and sounds) great.
 
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Mad respect to whatever crazy players took the time to figure this nonsense out back in the day, that's for sure.

People tend to overestimate your entertainment options per-internet explosion. You couldn't download new games from the internet. You probably weren't buying multiple games anyways. If you weren't hanging out with friends (in person, because cell phones weren't common and you weren't supposed to tie up the land line forever), when you were stuck at home you played games. A couple hours a day on average for a month, will get it done.

In this game in particular, the chocobo sage will tell you everything you need to know, where to find the enemies, what nut to use, where to find the chocobos and what they were called. He wasn't plagued by translation errors or broken UI.

For hunting, you'd typically grab 4 chocobos in a row (since all random encounters on the tracks will spawn a chocobo encounter) and then sort through them at the farm, odds were you'd get what you'd want in a batch.

The only real hang up is the money for greens, but selling a single All materia will basically set you up for the rest of the game. And do you really need two mastered Fire materias when you get stuff like flare and enemy skill?

It's only tricky if you're trying to do the absolutely minimalist 'get a gold chocobo' game because you're trying to get stuff done for updates. Story wise, the chocobo quest doesn't really mean, or say very much, it's almost purely mechanical interactions.
 
"Restore was born." What does that mean?
So this is kind of interesting. I think I've asked earlier, but there is a question of whether materia breaks down back into mako/lifestream eventually? When Bugenhagen does his presentation on the lifestream (things are born, live, and then die and return to the lifestream) it makes it seem like a closed system. How can you have population growth if every soul comes from, and return to, the same source? It would seem like there could only be a finite amount of people, plants, and animals.

But then, "Restore was born." Take a moment, and think about that. This rock, made from condensed souls and memories, managed to almost spontaneously generate a new rock, made of seemingly new condensed souls and memories. If materia does break down and eventually return to being make, this is new souls being injected into the system.

Or possibly that your pretty, shiny rocks were eating the souls of the monsters you've been killing and there's still the same amount of mako/lifestream since the before times.
 
So this is kind of interesting. I think I've asked earlier, but there is a question of whether materia breaks down back into mako/lifestream eventually? When Bugenhagen does his presentation on the lifestream (things are born, live, and then die and return to the lifestream) it makes it seem like a closed system. How can you have population growth if every soul comes from, and return to, the same source? It would seem like there could only be a finite amount of people, plants, and animals.

But then, "Restore was born." Take a moment, and think about that. This rock, made from condensed souls and memories, managed to almost spontaneously generate a new rock, made of seemingly new condensed souls and memories. If materia does break down and eventually return to being make, this is new souls being injected into the system.

Or possibly that your pretty, shiny rocks were eating the souls of the monsters you've been killing and there's still the same amount of mako/lifestream since the before times.
If the Lifestream is growing and mako is being somehow generated from nothing, then that means that energy has to be entering an otherwise closed system somehow. My guess? Solar power, photosynthesis etc etc.
 
So this is kind of interesting. I think I've asked earlier, but there is a question of whether materia breaks down back into mako/lifestream eventually? When Bugenhagen does his presentation on the lifestream (things are born, live, and then die and return to the lifestream) it makes it seem like a closed system. How can you have population growth if every soul comes from, and return to, the same source? It would seem like there could only be a finite amount of people, plants, and animals.

But then, "Restore was born." Take a moment, and think about that. This rock, made from condensed souls and memories, managed to almost spontaneously generate a new rock, made of seemingly new condensed souls and memories. If materia does break down and eventually return to being make, this is new souls being injected into the system.

Or possibly that your pretty, shiny rocks were eating the souls of the monsters you've been killing and there's still the same amount of mako/lifestream since the before times.

The way i see it, a newly formed piece of materia is made from spiritual energy and memories, but is less like a glass ball and more like a glass container. People do stuff worth remembering while Materia is held, and that materia fills with memories. as it fills with that energy, it becomes stronger (unlocks new spells, lets you use spells more often between rests, improves a command, etc.). When the materia is full of energy (max level), a portion of that energy is moved to a new piece of materia. the old knowledge replicated through new knowledge, new memories. and the resulting materia is newly formed itself.
 
I always figured that materia was the magic version of an oyster making pearls.

For those unaware, oysters make pearls by coating bits of sand or other irritants with oyster spit so that they're smooth and less irritating.

The Planet could be doing the same thing here, coating the memories of violence and strife with mako and then ejecting them from the Lifestream so that they're no longer troubling the residents of the soul soup. The new materia being born is just the container of the first bad memory being filled with too many new bad memories, so the Planet creates a new receptacle to hold the new bad memories.
 
@Omicron:

Regarding the Conformer, it has two unique properties: Its attack strength is set based on the strength of your opponent (thus it is one of the easiest weapons to get to 9999 in the situations where you really need to be doing 9999s) and, as a result of how that scaling was done, it is the only weapon in the game unaffected by the Morph damage penalty.

Every enemy in the Gelnika can be Morphed into something extremely valuable. Also, you can Morph Battle Square enemies.

Regarding Mime: It will copy the last action exactly -- including linked effects -- without paying any cost for it, whether that is MP, summon uses, item stockpiles, or limit gauge. A character can only Mime their own limits, though.

EDIT:

Winning the S races, even against Joe, is pretty straightforward:

1. Stuff your golden Choco full of Sylkis Greens (only need to do this once but you're after ~145kph/999 stamina)
2. Race the short course.
3. Go to manual control, speed up until your choco is slowly burning stamina at cruising speed.
4. On the spiral climb, where every other Chocobo (except Joe's) will slow down, make sure you don't get stuck behind anyone. If someone's in front of you, slide to one side, blow past them, then pull back in.
5. You should then be OK to cruise to the rainbow arch at the start of the space section of the race; Joe's Chocobo is always faster than you but he doesn't use stamina aggressively.
6. As soon as you cross that arch, sprint the rest of the course.

If you win 10 S-Class races (doesn't have to be consecutive or even with the same Choco) you win 1x of every reward possible in the S-Class. The big ones are Magic Counter, Sneak Attack, and Sprint Shoes.
 
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So instead we'll resort to incest.

LISTEN. I DIDN'T DESIGN THE GAME. I DIDN'T MAKE THE RULES. IT'S JUST FASTER AND EASIER THAT WAY.
Hey, we understand man. You're bound by the rules you were given. I think quite a few people made jokes about that (and where the failures end up).
Red Mage had it right all along.
Ah, yes, the mad genius of the crimson sorcerer
Next Time: The Cuck Arc.
Pffffft oh god that one...
So many jokes I want to make here.
Omi is a monster.

Basil's parents are Onion and Garlic.

Basil's grandparents are Garlic, Sage, Thyme, and Sage (again)

Basil's great grandparents are Thyme, Sage, and four unknown Chocobos who try not to talk to the press.


View: https://imgur.com/a/I193CwR

But you have to understand! It keeps the bloodline pure to preserve the power and majesty!
Not so much a family tree as like a stunted little bush, really. Maybe like a family bonsai.

Also, as someone who used strategy guides and GameFAQs contemporaneously while playing this game and never found anything that helpful for Chocobo breeding, I'm pretty sure the guides you used aren't just like the product of multiple fans working on the subject, but multiple fans refining methods over multiple decades. Truly, this bird incest stands on the shoulders of giants.
Try a little shrub that's ominously playing Dueling Banjos.

But yeah, it's a world of difference between today's guides, done through careful, almost scientific study of a game and accumulation of known lore, and the wild west frontier of yesteryear.
Re: Black Cauldron, reportedly it did better in Japan than in the West. I once heard that even the original Legend of Zelda was inspired by it, don't think they cited a source though.

Speaking of which, has Black Cauldron gotten a KH level yet?

And once again, 8-Bit Theater shows just how timeless and on point it is in regards to the final fantasy series. Honestly I wish it got a sequel or something so that we'd see how the creator poked fun at the new FF games with the same (or new) band of roving psychopaths.
I imagine some guy at Squeenix brought it up, only to wake up the next morning with a mouse-eared hat on his bed and the warning "No Black Cauldron".

Seriously, Black Cauldron was so poorly received (as a result of many factors) that Disney has all but publicly disavowed its existence. I mean, when Mulan (who is not royalty, and has never married into royalty) gets treated as a Disney Princess but not Eilonwy, it's pretty clear who the Mouse's favorites are.
Oh yeah, forgot to comment on Black Cauldron: Yeah, that is absolutely a reference to the Black Cauldron movie, which is... alright, I guess? But really I'm just going to shill the fact that it's badly based on a series of books, ripping the antagonist from the first and throwing in the macguffin from the second, and also doesn't even have some of the best content from the series like "the bard character eventually tames a housecat the size of an actual house because it likes his music and rides it into battle".
Never read the series, but from what I understand, it was less an adaptation and more a complete butchery of the source series, one of the many reasons it wasn't well received when it came out. The biggest ones, though, would be its rushed plot, poor character arcs, and above all, its dark tone which made people not want to watch it (as usual, they thought an animated Disney movie was a kiddie movie).
 
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Congratulations on becoming Hojo, Omi.

Btw, what does the update title mean? Does the game simulate chocobo death? I guess it might, given that it makes a distinction between the neverborn and adult birds, but you don't talk about it. Lol, it would be such a dick move, especially for players who lucked into, say, blue chocobo without understanding how.
 
Alright, genuine question - the fuck are these Thing-esque, probably Jenova-Cell pumped horrors doing on a recently sunk Shinra vessel? Were these creatures just wandering underwater and saw the sunken wreck and went "dope new house"? Or does this imply that Shinra genuinely were stupid enough to look at Hojo regaling them with the info about Sephiroth being pumped full of Jenova, and an extension of Jenova, and all the clones with Jenova cells being attracted to obeying Sephiroth and went "fuck yeah MAKE MORE JENOVAS"???

...Yeah, I can believe they'd do it.
Well, going as far back as the escape from Shinra tower we saw they had a whole menagerie of really twisted experimental monsters; l always figured this was more of the same. I think at some point they decided that human soldiers (or SOLDIERS) were too prone to think for themselves and robots too limited, and started leaning more and more into bioweapon monsters. And yeah, Hojo's persuasion was likely involved, as I've said previously manipulating his superiors into supporting his projects is something he seems to have a genuine talent for.

If the whole Sephiroth/Jenova plot hadn't come up I bet they'd have accidentally unleashed a biowar apocalypse instead of a viral alien invader & Magic Space Rock apocalypse.
 
Shinra's various divisions all racing to see who can end the world first, with competitions between the climate apocalypse, bioweapon apocalypse, and robot apocalypse, only to get completely sideswiped out of nowhere by Sephiroth and his giant space rock.
 
Shinra's various divisions all racing to see who can end the world first, with competitions between the climate apocalypse, bioweapon apocalypse, and robot apocalypse, only to get completely sideswiped out of nowhere by Sephiroth and his giant space rock.

Possibly because I'm tired and have just read the previous update, I am imagining representatives from Shinra's various divisions literally racing Chocobos for the right to end the world first.

And because the image will not leave my mind, the winner is Sephiroth summoning the legendary Huge Chocobo.
 
Congratulations on becoming Hojo, Omi.

Btw, what does the update title mean? Does the game simulate chocobo death? I guess it might, given that it makes a distinction between the neverborn and adult birds, but you don't talk about it. Lol, it would be such a dick move, especially for players who lucked into, say, blue chocobo without understanding how.

Chocobos are immortal. You can't even kill 'em in battle.
 
Shinra's various divisions all racing to see who can end the world first, with competitions between the climate apocalypse, bioweapon apocalypse, and robot apocalypse, only to get completely sideswiped out of nowhere by Sephiroth and his giant space rock.
I mean if the bioweapon division can't at least make the argument that Sephiroth is their fault then they're paying their lawyers too much.
 
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