Let me play among the stars (Neon Genesis Evangelion).

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 12

The next day, and we are returned to Lara Croft's custody at the Western-style mansion. We are also tasked with bringing over the packages of foodstuffs that we opened during our stay in quarantine, and some of it is quite heavy.

No sooner do we get everything settled than we hear a knock at the door.

Misato: "Take a rest, kids. I'll get it."

As we collapse into various chairs, sofas, and what-not, gasping for breath, Misato has answered the door, and not too kindly.

Misato: "And what, pray tell, are you doing here?"

?:"Well, the U.N. sent me over to investigate the status of 'The Children.' Make sure everything's on the up and up..."

Asuka: "KAJI!" With an unexpected burst of vigor, she runs over to the man at the door, and nearly bowls him over as she grabs him around the mid-section. "It was horrible! You have no idea what I had to go through since coming here!" She takes on the air of a helpless little girl and tries to paint herself in the most innocent and victimized manner possible while bringing him up to speed on her side of the story... Rei and I are not amused.

Kaji: "That sounds rough, leibchen!" He pets her on the head. "But your story isn't exactly accurate, you know. I was on the 'Over The Rainbow', and I saw the security footage of what you did when you got here. You have to admit some of what happened is your doing, right?"

Asuka begins squirming and pouting like a little kid who got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Yeah.."

Kaji: "As for the rest, that's why I'm here. While some of what you endured in quarantine was unavoidable, the rest... Well, let's just say NERV security needs a LOT of work."

Misato: "No kidding. So why exactly are you here and not at NERV headquarters?"

Kaji: "Well, I do need to interview The Children as part of my investigation. Shinji-kun, you rascal. Got yourself a wife and a girlfriend, eh? And at 14 no less...."

Rei: "That is not exactly accurate, Inspector Kaji, Minister of the Interior, Liason to the U.N. and point-man for the Instrumentality committee." Rei then goes on to describe, in detail, the publicly available contents of his dossier.

Kaji: "Oh, that's right. Deer sweet Asuka here is your girlfriend, right Rei-chan? Asuka, why would you agree to that? I thought you were interested in.."

Asuka: "KAJI! … It was either that, or sleeping in a closet!"

Rei: "Soryu-chan, we would have never made you sleep in a closet, and you know it!"

Asuka: "Yeah, yeah. But my dignity would have demanded it, okay?! I mean, sharing a bed with a married couple? Even you have to admit that's rather weird, right?"

Shinji: "Well, I can see where you're coming from but.."

Asuka"Not another word, dumbkopf! I am well aware of the 'restrictions' Herr Dokctor put us under... And I don't like it any more than either of you."

Rei: "That's a relief, Asuka-chan. I was worried that you were forcing yourself..."

Asuka starts blushing furiously "Shut it, Wondergirl!"

Kaji: "Oh. You sure get along."

Asuka and Rei: "It's not like that!" They look at each other for a second and sigh. "Okay. So maybe it is!"

Kaji then pats me on the back. "Good job, Shinji-kun. You've already learned the most important lesson life has to offer. 'Happy wife, happy life.'"

Shinji: "Please don't talk that way, Kaji-san."

Asuka: "Oh please. Nothing more boring than a house-broken male..."

Shinji: (Sigh) "And that's why."

Suddenly the alarm starts blaring, indicating an Angel sighting.

Lara Croft: "Oh, you've got to be kidding me! We jut now finished ferrying you out of NERV HQ and now you have to go back?!"

Misato: (Sigh) "Welcome to a soldier's life, 'Lara-Sensei.'" Misato pulls out her cell-phone. "Okay, Rits. Talk to me. Yeah, you can get me up to speed on the way."

Misato, Asuka, Rei, and myself head off to NERV, Lara Croft and Kaji settle down and start chatting about us.

Kaji: "So 'Laura-Sensei', how's James doing?"

Lara: "Who?"

Kaji: "Oh, so that's the story, eh? Well, have to thank you for getting NERV up and running as quick as you did after that EMP triggered black-out."

Lara: "My pleasure, but even if I did know a 'James', I have no obligation to share that with you."

Kaji: "Fair enough. What's your impression of The Children?"

Lara: "No point in hiding it, I suppose. The best we can do is what you saw, and that's hardly stable."

We were all briefed over the phone en route to NERV HQ, and then when we got to the war-room, we saw what we were up against, in detail. An Angel attacking from orbit took out one of the observation satellites America put into orbit and has been dropping pieces of itself as target practice as it approached the mainland.

Misato: "So we think it's going to drop itself like a bomb over Tokyo 3?"

Ritsuko: "Exactly, Major, but the possible area of impact is too huge to consider a proper plan of evacuation, and we certainly can't evacuate all of Japan in the few short hours we have left before it's directly overhead."

Misato:"And we blew through our ready N2 mines on previous Angels. It'll be days before we get new ones, right?"

Ritsuko: "Indeed."

Misato: "Where's the Commander?"

Ritsuko: "He's at the site of Second Impact, gathering something on behalf of the Instrumentality Committee. That's all I know."

Misato: "Oh, great! So it's all up to me, isn't it?"

Ritsuko: "I don't envy you.."

Misato: "Okay. I don't see any other way to do this.."

Shinji: "Wait. You want us to catch the Angel with our bare hands?"

Misato: "That's not all. In order to maximize our effectiveness, due to the huge margin of error of the Angel's incoming trajectory, we need to field all three Evas, and have each of them at a strategic point, racing towards the crash site when that is determined."

Rei: "You are aware that this plan is highly irrational, correct?"

Misato: "Yeah, but I can't come up with any better ideas? Asuka, can our college graduate come up with something?"

Asuka: "Scientific calculator, pencil and paper please?"

Misato: "Erm.. Okay?"

Asuka goes through some rather difficult and lengthy advanced trigonometry calculations. "Yeah, Major, I'm not going to sugar-coat the chances of success, but this 'plan' is the best we've got going for us, and your choice of Eva placement is ideal. I've even taken the liberty of detailing the best estimated angle of descent as that thing comes hurtling down." She hands out parchments to each of us.

"Dumpkopf, this one's yours, you and Rea abourd Eva-00 should respond with this angle of attack."

"Wondergirl. Likewise."

Asika: "I've got my own probability arc to contend with. Just say the word, Major, and we'll sortie!"

Misato: (Thinking) "Holy shit. This is the most cooperative I've seen her, ever. Guess I should thank Shinji for letting her be Rei's "birthday present." I just hope these kids don't screw things up, literally.

(Aloud): "Alright, Piots. SORTIE!"

Everyone: "Yes, Ma'am."

Once the Angel's orbit comes above Tokyo-3 it stards dive-bombing towards the surface. The closest unit is Eva-01.

Rei: "En route to intercept!"

Shinji: "Racing to assist now!"

Asuka:"Oh. You have got to be kidding me! The son-of-a-bitch is breaking up!"

Misato would crush something in her hand, but her hands are empty, so she settles on slamming the surface of her control console.

Misato: "Oh that son-of-a-bitch! It's broken up into four pieces. Three of them are headed towards the Evas, but the fourth is still heading for downtown Tokyo-3... OH! OH SHIT! High energy reaction detected, like with that damned Ramiel!"

A high-powered energy beam blasts straight down from the fourth fragment, instantly liquefying the ground, buildings, and concrete beneath, boring through the 22 armor layers, one at a time, but far quicker than Ramiel did. Breach is calculated as coming in a matter of minutes, not hours.

In addition, two lateral jets start spewing energy and mass to keep it on target, and an engine appears on top to keep its energy beam from blasting upwards. In short, it looks like a giant hovering crucifix.

Misato: "How the hell are we supposed to deal with this?! We can't send up the JSSDF positron rifle, set it into position and fire it safely in minutes! Worse, we can't spare any Eva as those three fragments are bearing down on them! And if the Eva don't stop them, the loss of civilian life would be astronomical! God knows how many people we lost due to that energy beam alone!"

Ritsuko: "I wish I had a solution, Major, but we just don't have enough Eva! Damn that Instrumentality committee! It took Ramiel to authorize a third Eva here, and now this?!"

Misato: "Damn IT!"

The solution winds up coming from the strangest of places. Whoever said "from the mouth of babes comes great wisdom" was an authentic genius!

Rea: "Onii-chan! I want to play catch, not do this!"

Shinji: "Rea, I understand but... wait? Play catch? REA, You're a genius!"

Rea: "???"

Shinji: "Asuka, Rei. Can we grab those incoming fragments and throw them back somehow?"

Rei: "Interesting concept, Shinji-kun! Yes, we can coil our A-T fields to work like springs, but the recoil... and targeting angles..."

Asuka: "Let me worry about that, lets see, for maximum effectiveness... (Begins mumbling some highly advanced math equations)... OK, Wondergirl. You need to ready your A-T field to reflect it back at approximately 60 degrees. Baka! 45 degrees upward! Myself.. 39.95 Degrees and GO!"

Everyone: "HAI!" (Yes, Ma'am).

Doing as Asuka said, it works, but the recoil sends Rei downward into the ground, breaking Eva-01's feet. Eva-00 is driven down and backwards leaving huge grooves along the ground until smacking into a high-rise, back first, and Asuka is literally sent flying!

Still, the plan works like a charm as the three giant Angel fragments are bounced back to the main body, right in the line of the energy beam. Each impact causes part of the Angel to be blown away, and forces it to quickly consume its mass as it revs its thrusters to keep from being blasted out of its location. On the third impact, it consumes the last bit of itself and the now unguarded core starts falling to the ground.

The core is so small that if Rea didn't tell me about it, I might have missed it. Not wanting to risk the Agnel's core falling into the middle of Nerv HQ, Eva-00 and I run over to the projected point of impact, reach up, and catch it.

Rea: "We caught it, Onii-chan! That was fun!"

Shinji: "Yeah! That was great, Rea! I wish I could pet your head right now!"

Rea: "Hehehe!"

Once we're back in the base, getting debriefed...

Ritsuko: "This is the second time you've brought in a near-perfect specimen, Pilot Ikari. But this time, you've managed to bring back the core, completely intact! Impressive performance, all of you!"

Gendo: "Indeed. Well done, everyone. Especially Pilot Ikari who came up with this plan."

Shinji: "Thank you, sir, but I didn't come up with it alone.."

Misato: "I'm sorry I allowed so much damage to take place..."

Gendo: "That's quite alright, Major. There's nothing you could have done to prevent this. We should all be grateful we're alive to see another day. That is all, dismissed."

Resting and relaxing on a hill overlooking Tokyo-3, and the huge scars caused by the latest battle, Lara Croft, Misato, Asuka, Rei, and myself are enjoying a well-earned picnic.

Larea Croft: "I know I already asked this, but how can the three of you keep on doing this? Despite all the downsides."

Asuka: (Beaming) "Getting my name carved in the history books and across the sky, never to be forgotten? YEAH. WORTH! IT!""

Rei: "I... I used to think I had nothing else... Then Shinji-kun, my anata, came into my life. Now.. I'm not so sure. Especially now that I've got the 'Great Asuka Langley Soryu' to cuddle with..."

Asuka: "Eh...ECCHI GIRL!"

Rei: (Sung to the tune of 'Barbie Girl') "I'm an ecchi-girl, and it's an ecchi world..."

Asuka: "Stop that, you!"

Lara Croft: "Hahahah! As for you, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: "I used to want to get my dad's approval, but now... It's Rei's smile. I will do anything for that."

Rei: "You mean this smile?" (Rei does that cute little smile she first showed me immediately after the Ramiel battle.)

Shinji: "YES! That smile! That is the most precious thing to me in the world!"

Asuka: "You really are an idiot... But I must say I don't hate that about you, you sweet, naive dumpkopf."

Shinji: "Thanks, Asuka-chan.."

Asuka: "Hey! It's Asuka-San, to you. Only Rei gets to call me 'chan!' GOT IT?!"

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am."

Lara Croft: "Hmm. Definite improvement. I may have to re-evaluate my assessment of your relationship, but it's still too soon to tell. B+ for everyone!"

Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location near Reno, Nevada, United States....

Random Lab tech: "Okay, Eva-04 is ready for activation test. You okay, Pilot?"

Pilot: "Yes, sir."....

Sadly, that is the last thing either of them would ever say on Earth, as Reno, and a circular area with a radius of approximately 40 miles vanishes forever. Eva-03 starts being shipped to Japan. To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 13:

Meanwhile, at an undisclosed location....

In outer space, a massive battle is taking place. A gigantic mechanical monstrosity the size of three planets is bearing down on three small, by comparison, but heavily armed moons that are firing on it. The moon's blasts do nothing but annoy it, and it is about to display that fact, by unveiling hatches containing cannons that utterly dwarf them, and lining up to fire.

At this moment, a young boy, with body made of cinder and hair made of fire makes his impassioned plea to the king of Planet Rock. A bald, ill-tempered, arrogant man seemingly made of stone, with a heart and head to match.

Prince Pyrus: "If the Battle Moons could beat the Beast, they would have done it long ago! Lord Mantel, please! SPARE MY PEOPLE!!"

Amazingly, Lord Mantel realizes his folly, turns the key on his throne, and the Battle Moons flee from the suicidal "glorious thrust" Lord Mantel put them on.

Unfortunately, while they may be done with the folly of attacking the Beast Planet head-on. The Beast is not done with them.

Captain Blaze: "Damn that stone-headed Rock-Hound king! He's doomed us all!"

Soldiers of Rock scurry around in a panic at the Battle Moon's core as the Beast Planet targets and fires upon them.

"If that thing hits us, we're finished!"

Suddenly, salvation appears, a tear in space-time forms in front of them...

Captain Blaze: "We have no choice! Head into the anomaly!"

Quarrior Peridot: "Normally, I don't take orders from a lava-head.. but you're right! Heading to the rift, NOW!"

The three Battle Moons disappear into the tear in space, which quickly closes right behind them, and the Null Matter cannon blast flies right past where they used to be, and then The Beast Planet begins to move on Planet Rock, now crippled, thanks to waves upon waves of fighters that swarmed upon it, since the planet's strongest line of defense was thoughtlessly dispatched... elsewhere. Their story will be elaborated later.

As of now. the Battle Moons quickly encounter the remains of the Eva manufacturing and testing complex. Along with everything else that was sucked into the Dirac Sea by the Eva activation disaster. The population on the Battle Moons immediately take measures to salvage everything and everyone in the place, in an effort to find their way out....


Meanwhile, back at the Lara Croft estate...

Waking up the next day, after the battle with Matariel, the Angel of Birds, as we're eating breakfast as part of the morning ritual to prepare for school, Asuka lets slip the bombshell below, leaving Rei and I to damage control.

Asuka: "Yo, Third. Glad you and Wondergirl enjoy my pancakes and waffles. I must also thank you for keeping your hands to yourself all the times we've bathed together, and slept in the same bed, but there is something that's been bothering me for a while."

Asuka grabs my left hand, staring me in the eyes, clearly sending me the message that I'd better not try to run from this.

Asuka: "Now, I promise not to hurt you if you tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you whatever god you believe in. I'm sure you realize how important this is?"

Shinji: "Ye- yes, Asuka-san?"

Asuka (inhales deeply): "ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCK ME WITH YOUR EYES?!!!"

Of course everyone stops what they're doing and just kind of stares at her with jaws on the floor, gobsmacked by the outburst, and it's implications.

Rei: "Soryu-chan? Shinji-kun has had plenty of opportunity to.."

Asuka: "And, that, Wondergirl is a major part of the problem! Now, dearest baka, did you think I wouldn't catch on to the fact that your eyes go down below my shoulders, but turn away the moment you think I'm turning my head in your direction?"

Rei: "Pilot Soryu! Enough."

Rei gently, but firmly puts her chopsticks down and then turns her head at Asuka, glaring at her and then asks me, in a calm, quiet tone, dripping with rage.

Rei: "Shinji-kun. Do you want to gaze upon Asuka's nude body?"

Shinji: "Y-y-y-y-yes. I'm sorry!"

Rei: (Sighing in relief): "It's better to be honest, Shinji-kun. I'd be worried if you didn't. Were you perhaps thinking it was unfair of me to refuse sharing you when you were more than willing to share me with her?"

Shinji: "Um.. now that you mention it.."

Rei: "Good. I'm glad. Now, Shinji, Asuka. While the two of you are both clearly comfortable with me, and I'm comfortable with the both of you, you are both clearly not comfortable with each other, and that's the reason I put her off-limits to you, for her sake. Today, though, I've reached my limit."

Asuka: "And what does that have to..."

Again Rei glares icy daggers at her and Asuka shuts up, fast.

Rei: "Pilot Soryu. Though you are fond of calling Shinji-kun an idiot, and he may well be to you."

Shinji: "Hey!"

Rei: "Hush, dear."

Shinji: "Yes, ma'am."

Rei: "Good boy. As I was saying, Pilot Soryu, he's got two things he will always trump you on. One, his cooking. Though you've improved by leaps and bounds, breakfast alone once being too much for you, Shinji still has you beat. As for the other.. He's far more keen at knowing when I'm angry, and doing his best not to cross that line. Perhaps it's a cultural thing, as Westerners like yourself don't use honorifics the same way."

Asuka: "If you consider being raised in a pickle jar a 'culture' I guess."

Rei: "Fair point. I'll admit my social mores are a bit off. Still I've come to the conclusion that the problem is not culture, nor body image issues. Asuka. You've been using those as a crutch to hide the real crux of the problem. It's high time you tell us what's really eating away at you. I've also noticed you 'sneaking a peek' as it were, so don't try to say I'm being one sided here."

Asuka: "And if I don't feel like talking?"

Rei: "Asuka. You don't want to go there. I've got over 100 ways to punish you without leaving any physical proof." Rei whispers something in Asuka's ear that has the other trembling in terror. "That's method #35. I'd rather not have to try to force it out of you."

Asuka:".... Okay. Fine. If you must know, Shinji drives me crazy, just by being himself! I'm highly, highly conflicted in the way I feel about him!"

Rei: "Doesn't that feel much better? Now please elaborate."

Asuka: "Mein Gott! You realize I have major trust issues, right?"

Rei: "We are aware. Now we can't guarantee we're not being spied on, but we won't go repeating what we hear here anywhere else, right Shinji-kun?"

Shinji: "Absolutely!"

Asuka: "For the love of Gott! Okay, Third! I like the fact that you're doing your best to respect my boundaries, but when I consider that this is just the result of you being too much of a chicken-shit coward to actually try anything with me, it drives me up the wall! I mean, you won't even look at my naked shoulders if you think I might be watching, but you're all too happy to look much lower the rest of the time!"

That particular revelation makes me feel quite guilty and my ears start burning from the blush.

Asuka: "Then there's your talent, yes TALENT with the Eva. You get a fucking 40% sync rate without any previous training whatsoever, and the only reason I'm better is because I've been at it for a decade, and you're already in spitting distance of me in less than a month! Yet... YOU HATE IT! In fact, I'm sure that if it wasn't for Wondergirl being your wife and keeping your feet to the fire in this, you'd run away and spend hours, if not days, just going round and round and round on that damn monorail that circles the city!"

Shinji: "Um.. That's oddly specific, Asuka-san."

Asuka: "Shut it! I'm not done! As for being a pilot... I don't know how much this has to do with your wife, and now little Rea, cheering you on, but in the cockpit, you're confident, assertive, bold, and very, very quick to come up with workable plans to impossible problems! I don't have words to tell you how utterly yummy that makes you! When you get out though? YOU FUCKING LET EVERYBODY DRAG YOU AROUND LIKE A GUTLESS WIMP! I don't know what I want to do more, kiss you for being such a nice guy, or strangle you for being such a loser. In fact, right now, I want to do both at the same time, and no not as an S&M kink!"

Everyone: "Wow!"

Asuka: "Yeah, and still, despite all that, I want you all to myself. I don't want to be the 'other woman' and I clearly don't want you to have a mistress either, but... YOU'RE TAKEN! Even if I somehow got Wondergirl out of the picture, she'd take away most of what I really like about you with her!"

Rei: "Now I understand perfectly. You've been at war with yourself, and what happens to us is merely the collateral damage. Would it help if you and I were equals, Asuka-chan?"

Asuka: "Oh hell no! I'm not going to give you the 'you made me divorce my husband' card.."

Rei: "Asuka, dear. You misunderstand completely. Not your fault, as there's nothing like it in Western culture."

Asuka: "Then what ARE you talking about, Wondergirl?"

Rei: "I'm asking you, Asuka, dearest, would you be willing to be my and Shinji's 'comfort wife'?"

Asuka: "I've heard that term before...What exactly is that?"

Rei: (Sigh) "Since you've been up-front with us, I'll be up-front as well. I can't have children. I have no womb."

Shinji: (Gasps) "Rei!..."

Rei: "If by some miracle, I did conceive, it would be an ectopic pregnancy, and that would be... bad."

Asuka: "So you want a surrogate..."

Rei: "Sort of. In Japan, the Legal wife, especially in wealthy homes, is so busy handling the home and hearth, while the husband deals with external threats and problems, that she doesn't have the time or energy to bear and nurse children. As such, the family searches for a willing woman who would desire to take on the task in her stead. Ultimately, the legal wife makes the final decision in this. While the practice has fallen out of favor in modern times, due to Western influence, among other things, the law is still on the books."

Asuka: "Wait, wait, wait. Are.. are you PROPOSING to me?"

Rei: "Yes, yes I am. I even have the paperwork right here."

Shinji: "Anata, when and where did you get that?"

Rei: "When we were going to City Hall to register our wedding, I picked up the forms, for the future. I wasn't expecting to need them so soon.."

Misato: (Facepalms)"You've picked up some strange habits being around the Commander."

Rei: "He did raise me. Well, Asuka-chan?"

Asuka: "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! This. This is too much, too fast! Even if it wasn't..."

Shinji: "Umm... yeah..."

Rei: "True, there is that. Tell you what, Asuka-chan. How about you decide after we get this A-T field issue straightened out? Of course, if you want it sooner, all you have to do is let me know and we can get your thumb-print right away."

Asuka: "Ecchi girl... You... you just want a legal excuse to get into my pants, don't you?"

Rei: "If I said I did, would that change your decision?"

Asuka: "I'd still have to think about it."

Rei: "Fair enough. Just to be clear, the 'comfort wife' has identical legal and marital standing to the legal wife in the eyes of the court, or in the case of custody. Should you agree and conceive children, they will all be legitimate, none of them will be bastards, and you certainly won't be a 'mistress.' Does that help allay your fears?"

Asuka: "...You're desperate, aren't you??"

Rei: "Yes. I'm desperate to see the two people I love happy, especially with each other."

Asuka: "... I'm going to study this matter very, very carefully. Right now though, we need to get ready for school. Let's finish breakfast and head out."

As we return to school, and go through our day, Misato learns what happened to Eva-04, the plans to ship Eva-03, and the looming arrival of two new Children. She is not amused.

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 14

Back at NERV HQ...

Miasto: "So the Nevada testing site along with Eva-04 are completely gone?"

Rits: "Yes. During the activation test, Eva-04 triggered some kind of dimensional portal, sucking it and everything in a sphere with a 40 mile, or roughly 88 km, radius to parts unknown."

Misato: "And the US now is shipping Eva-03 via super-stealth aircraft to dump it on us, 'the experts' because they don't want to deal with it?"

Rits:uko "Exactly. That's not all. The Instrumentality committee is also sending us two new pilots."

Misato flips open the dossier. "A Nagisa Kowaru and Mari 'Illustrious' Makinami?... Good grief. Our problem isn't a lack of pilots, it's a lack of war potential! Though this time, the UN has a damn good excuse. Eva blowing up or deciding to leave the planet is an obstacle pretty hard to overcome."

Ritsuko:"Major, you seem even tenser than usual. Did something happen?"

Misato: (sigh) "Just when I think those kids have run out of ways to shock and stun me, they find something new and unexpected! Rei outright proposed to Asuka this morning!"

Ritsuko: "Wait... WHAT?!"

Misato: "Yeah, at the breakfast table, Asuka went into one of her typical 'The Third Child is an idiot, a pervert, and perverted idiot" tirades, and Rei had enough of it. So Rei threatened Asuka into revealing what's really bothering her."

Ritsuko: "I know Rei can be a bit... odd, but how does that lead to a marriage proposal? Especially as Rei's already married?"

Misato: "I'm getting there. When Asuka went on and on about how she really feels, and how conflicted she is regarding Shinji, Rei decides the perfect solution is to propose to Asuka right then and there, offering her the spot as the 'comfort wife' to herself and Shinji because she wants kids but can't have them!"

Ritsuko: "You can't be serious!"

Misato: "Oh, I'm very serious. In fact, Rei admits having the paperwork ready to go, claiming she picked it up from City Hall when Shinji wasn't looking while they were registering their own wedding, and has been holding on to it, 'just in case', just like the Commander has wedding forms in his office, ready to go.."

Ritsuko: (Facepalm) "Unbelievable."

Misato: "Tell me about it. I had the same reaction as you, and I was right there! I even facepalmed! So when can we expect the new pilots and Eva?"

Ritsuko: "Let's see. The pilots should be arriving by the end of the school day, Eva-03 should arrive in a few weeks, with Eva-05 and Eva-06 scheduled to arrive a few weeks after that."

Misato: "Wait... New pilots arriving by the end of the day, and I'm just hearing about it NOW?!"

Meanwhile, in the throne room of Planet Rock...

Prince Pyrus: "What do you mean you have no idea where the Battle Moons went? All my people are on there!"

A small toad-like creature, the Emperor of Planet Bone, speaks up to the distraught prince.

Femur: "I hear ya, Kid. Look. Everyone here knows I'd do, and have done, some terrible things to keep my people safe, even if they didn't always appreciate it. I know where you're coming from, but they had to flee into a spatial anomaly to avoid the Beast's Null-cannon blast..."

A large, fur-covered bipedal creature, known as Zuma, who can only speak via telepathy then states her findings, or lack thereof. "We have been searching, child, but apparently our powers can not pierce dimensional boundaries. For now, your people are lost, parts unknown."

Sternum, Femur's elder brother then puts in his observations. "I understand. Not knowing is the worst part. I teleported away my own people with my own hands to keep the rest of us safe while the Beast was bearing down on us, so the rest of us may live. Even knowing I had no choice, I still regret it, not knowing if they're alive or dead."

A large man of Rock, blue crystalline "hair" and leader of the Alliance, speaks words of comfort. "Fear not, Prince Pyrus. We won't stop looking until we find them, one way or another. Even Tekla has not given up analyzing the readings we got on that spatial rift that swallowed up the Battle Moons..."

Jade: "In war, we all lose something precious to us. But as long as I'm Queen of Rock, you can count on our people's support."

Pyrus: "While I appreciate it, words are empty. I need action. I have to do SOMETHING!"

Zera, young princess of Planet Ice, and her father King Cryos pat the young, brave, ruler of the people of Fire. "That's what we're trying to figure out. What can we do.?"

A metallic woman comes running into the chamber, it's Tekla, lone survivor of planet Tech.

Tekla: "I have good news. We've finished analyzing the data from your recordings of the spatial rift! Tell them Vox!"

Vox, a small, flying computer droid speaks. "AnalySis of gravometric, tachyon, optical, and wave form data indicates a 9.3321 % chance of re-opening the rift with a properly attuned tachyon emitter from a craft of approximately the size of an Ice 'Blade Wing' or a fighter craft from the armada of Planet Fire. The lighter the craft the better."

Pyrus: "Now THAT is what I'm talking about! When can I fly out my personal Fire ship?"

Zera: "I'm going too!"

Pyrus: "Hold on! The fire ships only have room for one..."

Zera: "I HAVE been learning to fly blade wings, you know! I'm going to be flying my father's personal craft along side you. No way I'm letting you go off alone!"

Cryos: "Loathe as I am to see my daughter go into danger, Lady Zera is correct. You can not go doing this alone, your Highness."

Femur: "Okay, you lovebirds. Old Papa Femur's going to escort you on the Clavicle, and then let you try to open that rift without getting sucked in! So, Doll. When's the doo-dad going to be ready?"

Tekla: "It already is! Your alliance ships all come with Tachyon transmitters pre-installed. You just need to broadcast at a specific amplitude and frequency at the rift!"

Cryos: "And why can't we do this on the Aurora?"

Femur: "The Clavicle is faster, more agile, can dock planet-side, and has grapples to reel them in, worst case scenario, and unlike the Aurora, The Clavicle is alive and learns from experience. Crate may not look like much, but she's one tough bird!"

Cryos: "Against my better judgment, due to a certain emperor's checkered past, I must admit that Femur's plan is quite sound."

Femur: "Hey, now, 'old buddy'. I may be a cowardly toad, but I'm not suicidally stupid! I have nothing to gain by backstabbing you, and everything to lose."

Sternum: "Hard to admit, but Femur's actually a good emperor for Bone. Still, caution is not ill-advised. Even without malice, a great deal could go wrong."

Femur: "Yeah, yeah. I hear ya. Now if ya'll will quit yer belly-aching, we need to hurry. Spatial anomalies have a tendency to misbehave, especially if they're kept waiting!"

Pyrus: "It's agreed then? Let's get going before the trail goes cold!"


At the outer edge of our solar system...

The rift opens up, spitting out the three Battle Moons, aboard which is all that survived the Nevada testing grounds, including Eva-04, its test pilot Alicia Claus, and a handful of scientific personnel. Everyone's managed to survive thanks to a make-shift hydroponics plant for food and oxygen.

After a bit of a struggle, some basic communication was made possible by devising a simple morse-code.

Captain Blaze: "Is this the right place? I've never seen a solar system this large before!"

Quarrior Peridot: "Indeed. Even at maximum thrust, it would take months to reach the third planet from here!"

Alicia: "Yes, this is the place alright! We'd better focus on gathering resources for the trip, as by your own admission, without the lichen of 'Planet Bone', lichens which don't do well in our hydroponic farms, your people will starve in less than a week!"

Quarior Peridot: "Indeed. Fortunately, the ice and rock in this 'Oort Cloud' is very close to the 'rock salts' we normally eat at home, and there's no shortage of water. Combined with the food your people have managed to grow, we might be able to subsist until we arrive at your world, where we might find help."

Alicia: "Yes, provided the Angels haven't wiped my people out in the meantime..."

Back on Earth, blissfully unaware...

As Asuka, Rei, and myself are walking home from school, a shout of "Yahoo" startles us, and I look up just in time to see a glasses-wearing braided brunette with a pink jump-suit coming down from above with a parachute on a collision course with me. I don't have time to get out of the way before her breasts crash into my face, knocking me flat to the ground, and having the parachute land on all of us.

"Mari Illustrious Makinami has arrived!"

Asuka: "SIS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!!!"

Mari: "Eh? Ah! Asuka! Good to see you! How have you been?"

Asuka: "Don't give me those pleasantries! What the hell are you doing here coming down on us with a parachute in a high-traffic area?!"

Mari then pulls out her paperwork. "Official orders from the UN Instrumentality Committee!"

Asuka skims the document a moment..."Nowhere on here does it say you should para-drop right on top of us!"

Mari: "Yeah, but you know I just had to see the guy my 'Big Sis' has her sights on. Where is Shinji-kun, by the way?"

Rei: "You are currently sitting on him. Would you kindly move, and pick up your parachute? You are troubling others."

Mari: "Oh. You must be Rei-san. How do you do? Maki Illustrious Makinami here, your fellow Pilot reporting for duty!"

Asuka: "Quit it and get off of him already!"

Mari looks down and helps me up. "Huh? This is him? He doesn't look like much."

Asuka: "Yeah, some crazy glasses-wearing loon just crashed on him with her parachute! And who said I had my sights on him?!"

Mari: "Oh, Asuka, Sis. I've been briefed on your reports to the UN. The letters may not say it, but I can read between the lines, and I know when you've got the hots for someone!"

Shinji: "Ow. Ow. OW! Asuka-san? Who is this?"

Asuka: "Wondergirl, Third, this is 'Maki Illustrious Makinami', my half-Sister from my father's mistress, aka 'second wife.' The nurse who ..."

Mari: "That's not something to say in public, Sis, and furthermore, you shouldn't talk about your father like that..."

Asuka: "Father? Sperm donor and pond-scum are more apt terms for that guy!"

Mari: "Now, Sis..."

Shinji: "Um.. if she's your sister, she can't be older than 10-years-old! How..."

Asuka: "Ah! Yeah, that nurse didn't start seeing my 'father' when MOM was in the medical hospital, slowly wasting away. I'll let you fill in the blanks."

Mari: "And yet, you're dating a married boy yourself, Sis?"

Asuka: "HAH! No. I'm dating his wife, thank you very much, at her request, and his."

Mari: (Blinking rapidly) "Err, what?"

Asuka: (Preening) "Yeah! And furthermore, any report you might have gotten about ..."

Shinji: "Uh.. maybe it's a good idea to finish discussing this at home?"

Rei: "As fascinating as I find this, we are gathering quite a few stares. I must agree with Shinji-kun."

Mari: "Eh, hehe! You're right, Rei-san! Would you all help me gather my parachute and let's go to the Lara Croft estate?"

Arriving home, the Lara Croft estate, we are greeted by another surprise, the other pilot the UN sent us landed on the roof, at Lara's copter port and was ready to greet us, being presented by Kaji.

Kaji: "Ah. I see you've already met Maki Illustrious Makinami, and this here is Kowaru Nagisa.."

Rei, of all people, took an immediate dislike and addressed him with unprecedented levels of hostility.

Rei: (Glaring daggers at Kowaru) "Who are you?!"

Kowaru: "I don't understand, I'm Kowaru Nagisa... Pilot for NERV Berlin..."

Rei: "NO! I asked who are you?! Where the hell did you come from? What are you doing here?! GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!!! OR...."

Kowaru: (Smiling and shaking his head smugly) "Now, now, Rei-chan. You don't want to start something here, do you? What would happen to everyone else that lives here? Hmm??" Kowaru then walks over to me. "Ah, you must be the amazing Third Child, Shinji-kun! I was so looking forward to meeting you." He puts his hand under my chin and leans in as if he wants to kiss me. "How about you and I lose the ball and chain and just go hang out together for a bit, man to man? Eh?"

I get goosebumps from how creepy this is.

Asuka: "THE HELL!! GET AWAY FROM HIM! YOU, YOU SILVER HAIRED GIRLY BOY!"

Rei grabs him by the back of the neck. "Thank you so very, very much for giving me a reason to throw you out, literally." She then picks him up and throws him out the door with so much force that he dents the light pole he crashes into, head first.

Shinji: (Trembling in fear and disgust) "Wha... what the hell was THAT about? Rei?"

Rei: "I! Do! Not! Like! Him! I don't know who he is, where's he's from, or what his end-game is, but out of nowhere he's pawing up my husband like … like..."

Asuka: "Like a pimp talking to his cheapest hooker?"

Rei: "EXACTLY!"

Mari: "Um... Asuka.... Sis.. That's a rather... unusual reference?"

Asuka: (Sigh) "You poor sheltered child."

Kowaru: "Ow. Now that wasn't very nice, Rei-chan."

Rei: "Oh, are you trying to start a fight now?"

Mari: "Whoa! Whoa! Cool your jets! Cool 'em! Nagisa-kun didn't mean any harm. Raised in NERV Berlin, he doesn't understand the norms here.."

Auska: "Bullshit! I was raised in NERV Berlin, until I went to and graduated college, and I never met him. Wondergirl here lived her life in a pickle jar, and her social mores are way, way better than that!"

Mari then runs over to Kowaru to explain just why what he did was wrong.

Kowaru: "Oh. I must apologize. I had thought that's how men 'hung out' here? From all the media I've been shown..."

Shinji: ".... And what the heck have you been shown?"

Kowaru pulls out a BL magazine.

Everyone: "...."

Mari: (Sigh) "Oh that is so wrong on so many, many levels! And what are you doing rifling through my collection?"

Asuka: "Now I've seen everything. Someone who makes Wondergirl, who spent her formative years in a giant test-tube, look normal. What's up with your reaction? Never seen you that hostile to anyone, not even me, at my worst."

Shinji: "Yeah, dear. Even when you were mad at me..."

Rei: "It is not something I can discuss in mixed company. Perhaps when we're preparing to turn in?"

Mari: "Eh? The three of you share a bed?!"

Asuka: "And a bath, but don't get the wrong idea, Sis. It's either that, or we die, horribly. Some Angel … screwed with and tangled our A-T fields and if we're too far apart, too long.... the results aren't pretty."

Mari: "So that means that you, and he, and she.." (Pant, Pant, Pant)

Asuka: "STOP right there, pervert glasses! I know what you're thinking, and no, THAT would, at best, make everything worse, if not kill us outright."

Mari: "Hold on, hold on! You have to share a bed and a bath, or you die, but if you do anything indecent, you also die?"

Asuka: "That's the gist of it, yes."

Mari: "THAT SUCKS!" (Maki's glasses suddenly shine) "But still, excellent excuse to get a view of some nice beefcake and cheesecake, eh?"

Asuka: "Cut it out, PERV!"

Kowaru: "So you eat dessert in your bedroom? Or do you eat in the bath? Japanese customs are so confusing."

Kaji: (Sigh) "Your partner is using slang. Don't worry, I'll teach you about it later when I'm sure the Major isn't around to beat me up, right Misato-san?"

Misato has just walked in, mad as a hornet. "Inspector Kaji, care to explain how Pilot Maki and Pilot Kowaru were scheduled to arrive and settle in here, today, but I didn't find out until this morning, and the rest of us weren't informed at all?!"

Kaji: "Not my call, Major. Those big-wigs on the Instrumentality Committee figured there were saboteurs targeting them, so it was 'need to know' until they got here and settled in. That means I wasn't informed until late last night, when they were getting on the plane, and you, apparently learned about it this morning to … make security arrangements, I guess."

Misato:".... BHWAHADASDASNDEASDFVASDJKAS @@#$@!#@$!@!W@#$%#@!"

Asuka: "Whoa! I thought I had the potty mouth."

Misato "Asuka, dear. It has much better and bigger effect if you save it for when it's really, really justified."

Asuka: "I'll try to keep that in mind."

Misato: "Okay, kids. I know this sucks, but Kowaru Nagisa and Maki Illustrious Makinami have been ordered by the UN to live here, and we have to accommodate them, and no there doesn't seem to be any other accommodations available. That being said, I'm sure none of us like it. Lara Croft, do we have room?"

Lara: "Fortunately, yes. The two newcomers have already been briefed about Asuka, Rei, and Shinji's special needs, and if there's a silver lining to their plight, is that it frees up individual rooms for Maki and Kowaru. Also, to avoid accidents, I strongly recommend locking the doors on the bathroom when you go in. For the sake of the newcomers, I'll say this again, go in my private quarters or bathroom without permission, and you risk being shot. No, that is not an exaggeration."

Mari: "She's joking, right? Please say she's joking."

Shinji: "No, she's not. She's showed us her shotgun. Also, this house does have a maze, and several possibly lethal traps. I'm sure she'll start training you on running the gauntlet soon."

Mari: "EH?!"

Lara Croft: "That's right! Once I get your full files from NERV, be prepared for some grueling training and team-building exercise!"

Everyone: "GROAN!"

Lara Croft: "Now, now. You lot have to admit that my training is one of the primary reasons you're all still alive and well! For now though, everyone got pencil, paper, and calculator?"

Mari: "Umm...."

Kaworu: "Calculator? I was not informed I would need one."

Lara: (Sigh) "Shinji-kun, Asuka, Rei? Mind lending them the needed tools?"

Asuka: "Good luck, Sis"

Rei: "Do not expect me to wish you well, Nagisa-san."

Shinji: "Erm... I do hope you do well, and we can get along, just... don't do THAT again. Okay?"

Kowaru: "..."

Lara Croft hands them their papers, "Shinji, Rei, Asuka, go work on your homework now. As for the new meat, test... START! NO TALKING!"

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 15


The next day, as we were all preparing for class, Lara Croft informed us that she'd have the evaluation exams she had Mari and Kowaru take fully graded by the end of the day, and today they'd be going with Rei, Asuka, and myself, just to get officially transferred into the school. The lesson plan at home would be adjusted once she fully analyzed the results, and got the school's lesson plan updated.

On arrival at the classroom, both Mari and Kowaru were asked to introduce themselves.

Mari: (Writing on the blackboard in Japanese) "Mari Illustrious Makinami! a" (Aloud) "Pleasure to meet you all. As a girl raised in 'Jolly Old England', I hope we can still get along!"

Shinji: (Whispering) "England, but..."

Asuka: (Whispering back) "Hush, baka, I'll explain later."

Then it's Kowaru's turn.

Kowaru: (Writing in Japanese) "Kowaru Nagisa" (Aloud) "Hello." (Bows) "I'm Kowaru Nagisa, born in Austria, but raised in NERV Berlin, I hope to get along well with all of you. Though I am inexperienced, please take care of me..."

The guys in class begin to giggle while the girls start to blush and stammer.

Mari: "Um.. Kowaru, that term means something a bit different than what you think..."

Kowaru: (Head tilting slightly to the side) "Uh? What did I say wrong?"

Mari: (Facepalm) "You've been exploring my 'other literature,' haven't you?"

Kowaru: "Is it not an accurate depiction of Japanese life?"

Mari: "In a word, no."

Kowaru: "...Oh."

Teacher: "I'm sure our new transfer student has been reading manga and other fictional stuff, and is just a bit, ill-informed, that's all. Now let's see, where shall they be seated... AH. Mari, you will sit by Asuka while Kowaru sits by Shinji..."

Rei: "Sensei, is there not another seat available? There have already been several 'misunderstandings' of a … delicate nature, and I'd rather not see the two of them placed close together."

Teacher: "Nagisa-san, is this true?"

Kowaru: "Uh... yes."

Teacher: "Oh. I see. This does pose a problem...In that case, Mari will sit by Shinji while Kowaru sits by Asuka, as there are no other available seats."

Rei: "Thank you, Sensei."

The next few lessons were pure torture. Sure, Kowaru did very well in the purely academic side. The rest of the time? It was completely awash with accidental innuendo, at least we all hope it was accidental, for the sake of our sanity. When lunch time came along, the entire class was greatly relieved.

Eating lunch together on the roof were Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Toji, Kensuke, Mari, Kowaru, and myself.

Mari: "Kowaru, sweetie, that was not just horrible, but atrocious! I was told you were briefed on Japanese culture... What happened?"

Kowaru: "I was taught the language, yes, then I perused your literature and movies for context..."

Mari: "Wait, hold on. You're saying that the UN decided the best way to acclimate you was to simply teach you the language and then have you go through my 'literature' which is composed entirely of h-doujin without informing me?"

Kowaru: "Yes..."

Everyone: "GROAN"

Mari adjusts her glasses, massages her temple, and looks up at Kowaru, annoyed.


Mari: "Kowaru, dear. That stuff is all fiction, make-believe, fantasy, acting, and most importantly, pure fiction. People don't act like that in reality, at least not without getting slapped in the face, at best, winding up with criminal convictions at worst. Until we get you up to speed, perhaps you should let me, or the others handle social interaction."

Kowaru: "I... understand."

Mari: "Okay, now that's settled, I'd like to hear more about the relationship setup between the rest of my pilot team-mates. I'd like to avoid stepping on toes if I can help it."

Shinji: "Well..."

Rei: "Allow me, Shinji-kun. Our relationship is somewhat complicated. As you're all aware, Shinji and I are married. It was a whirlwind romance that began when we were ordered to live together, due to a lack of viable alternatives. To his eternal credit, Shinji-kun kept his hands and eyes to himself, no matter how hard I pushed him, until we both almost died in the battle with Ramiel, at which point he proposed to me, and I accepted, very happily."

Hikai: "That... Is so romantic!"

Mari: "Oh... That is fascinating, but what about Asuka?"

Rei: "Oh that.."

Asuka: "Yeah, that! I'd like to hear it!"

Rei: "Well, this is where things get complicated. The three of us were forced to live together by virtue of having our A-T fields entangled by an Angel such that if we're more than a meter or two apart for any length of time, we get some rather graphic injuries, and we learned that because my left arm fell off for no reason."

Toji: "Man, that... that's horrible!"

Asuka: "Yeah, that was a nightmare!"

Hikari: "Hold on! You've been more than two meters apart several times today! Did NERV fix that..."

Rei: "Only a temporary 'patch'." (Points at our collars) "These allow us to be separate for a brief amount of time, but they need to be recharged, frequently. So three of us still have to sleep in the same bed..."

Asuka: "And bathe together, but don't get any ideas. Baka here knows he'd better keep his eyes and hands where they belong... or else."

Shinji: "Yeah. Aside from whatever Asuka would do to retaliate, our A-T fields are also likely to kill us if we do any echi things with each other..."

Hikari: (Gasp) "HOW HORRIBLE! Man and wife can't do anything with each other... That's like 80% of the marriage off-limits! Still, how does that translate to ..."

Rei: "Asuka being my girlfriend?"

Kensuke: "Yeah!"

Rei suddenly smirks, mischievously.

Rei: "Well, our very first night together, she insisted on sleeping in a closet, like a bobcat that's been abandoned, abused, and chased off from everywhere she called 'home,' proclaiming that the closed door was 'the impenetrable wall of Jericho.' Knowing that the walls of Jericho fell, I realized that she wanted affection, but was too scared and hurt to ask.."

Asuka: "Yeah, she opened the door and kissed me! Right on the lips!"

Rei: "And that's when she let slip that she had designs on my husband, Shinji-kun."

Hikari: "And you weren't even the tiniest bit angry, jealous, or spiteful?"

Rei gently sets down her chopsticks, smirks and goes...

Rei: "Nah! I was far too busy enjoying watching our favorite angry bobcat melt into an adorable puddle of embarrassment and shock as she desperately tried to process what she just blurted out. Let's see if memory serves..."

Asuka: "DON'T YOU DARE, YOU ECHI BLUENETTE GIRL! YOU PROMISED!"

Rei: "Hehe! You're right, Asuka-chan! Would you prefer to tell them?"

Asuka: "Shut it, you! Well, if I'm a bobcat, then Baka here has to be an abandoned stray kitten people feel sorry for..."

Feeling a bit mischievous, I play the role that Asuka laid out.

Shinji: "Nyah!"

Asuka: "What?!"

Shinji: "Nyah" (curls up the digits of the hands like cat's paws and starts swatting Asuka's pigtails.)

Asuka: "Is your head broken, dumpkopf?!"

Shinji: "Purrrr!!!!" (starts rubbing Asuka cheek to cheek)

Asuka: "Hentai! Dumpkopf! Hentai DUMPKOPF!!!" (starts cringing away)

Shinji: "Nyah!!!" (starts gently licking Asuka's exposed neck like a kitten would)

Asuka: "GYAH!!!! Stop it!"

Asuka grabs my head gently with both hands, and turns me to face her. I can clearly see the embarrassment in her face; she's as red as a tomato.

Asuka: "...Baka... If you want to kiss me, do it properly...."

Shinji: (Gulp)

My heartbeat faster and faster. While staring right into Asuka's eyes, I can tell, from the corner of my eye, that Toji is smiling like the oaf he is. Hikari is watching us through her fingers, like she knows she shouldn't be seeing it, but unable to turn away. Rei is … smirking. Kensuke, of course, is taking flash photography photos like crazy, not wanting to miss the big moment. Mari... I can't tell what she's doing, as she's moved herself behind me, but she's certainly panting heavily, and it would be rude to Asuka if I turned around to find out. To me, none of that matters. The Great Asuka Langley Soryu just told me in no uncertain terms to kiss her! Plus I know REI, my wife, wants it to happen!

Just as she puckers up...

Kowaru: "Aren't you supposed to kill stray kittens? I mean, there's no animal shelter, and there's too many to take in so, one quick snap, and it's over. Quick and painless..."

And there goes the mood...

Mari: "Kowaru... That had to be the most vile and inappropriate thing you've said and done yet! Not only are you happily discussing harming small, helpless animals, but you completely ruined the mood!"

Hikari: "As the class president, I have to say that goes way, way past any acceptable form of culture clash. It also goes way past insensitive to downright callous and cruel. Who the hell raised you? How? Why, by the spirit of the ancestors, do you have no empathy for living things?"

Kowaru: "I do not understand. It is better to let kittens suffer and starve to death? Also I do not know who raised me..."

Hikari: "Kittens are the offspring of cats, and cats find food for their offspring.... Wait. What do you mean you don't know who raised you?!"

Kowaru: "Exactly what I said. I have no memory of life before waking up in a medical stasis capsule and being ordered to come here..."

Asuka: "Mein GOTT. You're not just culturally ignorant, you're mentally damaged! And badly. I don't care about the fucking stigma in Japan against getting mental help. You need it, urgently!"

Rei: "...Those disgusting old men.. What are they up to?"

Shinji: "Dear? You know something about this?"

Rei: "Shinji-kun? Have you forgotten how you met me before we moved in together?"

Shinji and Rei: "AH!"

Rei: "Looks like our dear Kowaru had the same treatment, only nobody bothered to help him adjust, learn and grow properly. It would not surprise me if facts, figures and technical knowledge was artificially pumped into his head somehow, and then he was let loose on the world..."

Shinji: "Then 'those old men'...'"

Rei: "The Instrumentality Committee. Who else would have the clout and resources to do something like this, or order to have it done?"

Everyone: "Oh."

Rei: "Before we do anything else, we should speak with Misato, Lara Croft, and possibly Kaji."

We eat the rest of out lunch in silence. Fortunately, the rest of the school day passes without incident.

Hikari, Toji and Kensuke ask to walk with us to the Lara Croft estate, wanting to see where we live with their own eyes. We agree, seeing as there's really no reason for us to refuse, and it would certainly make keeping up with our school-work easier should duty call and something happen at NERV HQ.

Meanwhile, at the Lara Croft estate, Lara herself is expressing the grave concerns she has for Kowaru to Major Misato Katsuragi.

To be continued....

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 16


On our way back home to the Croft mansion, Asuka notices a cosplay store with a color flier featuring a cat-girl maid outfit and the words "Today Only" in bold letters across the bottom.

Asuka: "Third... I think it's time for you to pay me back for the embarrassment that you gave me on that rooftop..."

She proceeds to drag me inside. The rest of our crew tilts their heads in confusion and reluctantly follow us. To my horror, I find out that Asuka intends to put me in the cat-girl maid outfit, and have Kensuke take photos to his heart's content. She's not going to take "no" for an answer, even dragging me into the dressing room.

Shinji: "Can I at least have some privacy while I change?"

Asuka: "BAKA! We bathe together. It's not like you've got something I haven't seen already... Plus I want to see you too.... GAH! Don't make a girl say things like that! Now I'm really going to have to punish you!"

After a few minutes out of sight in the dressing room, Asuka and I emerge, with me fully in the outfit, including a leash, and I can't make-up an excuse like the outfit not fitting.

Mari: "Oh! OH WOW! I had no idea you were into cosplay and Bishojo-games, Sis! That outfit from Let's Meow Meow fits perfectly!"

Shinji: "Bishojo-game?"

Mari: "Yep! 18+!"

I can practically feel the steam coming out of my ears from the embarrassment.

Kensuke: "Man, glad I brought extra film today! If this were a normal day, I'd already be out! Buddy, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you actually were a girl! Those proportions are completely seamless. You've got talent for nekomimi play!"

My squirming only serves to make things worse and Kensuke points out that I'm playing the part perfectly!

Asuka: "Cashier! We'll take it, and he'll be wearing it home!"

Shinji: "EH?!!!"

Asuka: "By the way, Sis. I don't play h-games, but you apparently do. What kind of genre are we talking about here, considering the obvious issues..."

Mari: "Well, I'll just come right out and say it. I'm a raging pervert, Sis. I'm into pretty much every genre you can think of, but I can not stomach NTR, except for very rare exception like..."

Asuka: "Enough, pervert glasses, you don't have to get into specifics! I just wanted a general idea of what Mr. Creepy might want to try.."

Mari: "Aww.. Stop being a prude, Sis! You're seriously missing out! Now, are we getting anything else here today?"

Asuka: "... Not today, I've got what I need for now. Okay, Third, you wanted to role-play as a cat, I'm going to walk you home like one. So you're going to have to begin and end your sentences with 'Nyah' until I tell you to stop, got it?"

Shinji: "Nyah, yes, Asuka-san, nyah!"

Asuka then scratches my head right between the cat ears, which feels really good for some reason.

Asuka: "Nice kitty!"

Rei: "Mari-san. I believe Asuka's 'innocence' in those matters is a major part of her charm. I'd rather she not get into smut, thank you."

Mari: "Okay, whatever floats your boat, but if you ever change your minds..."

Shinji: "Nyah! No, Thanks! Nyah!"

Mari: "A boy who turns down porn without hesitation?!" (Glasses start shining) "What are you girls really doing to him?"

Asuka: "... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!"

Rei: "Mari-san. You seem like a nice girl. With you as Asuka's imouto, what I must say next comes with a heavy heart, so please take it in the spirit in which it is given. I do not mind you bearing witness and enjoying any public shows of affection, and how you stoke your libido is your own prerogative. When it comes to our private lives, if you meddle, pry, or otherwise try to interfere without an engraved invitation, I will have to hurt you, badly! So don't push your luck. As for Nagisa-san... My every instinct is already screaming at me to rip him to pieces and butcher him, horribly. Nagisa-san, don't give me a logical reason, I'm warning you."

Kowaru: "...Scary..." (Smiles smugly)

Rei: "Is he not taking me seriously? Are you daring me..."

Hikari: "Um... Asuka-san. You never specified what made you agree to be Rei's girlfriend."

Asuka: "Hmm, oh that? Well, after Wondergirl here made a passionate plea, and her husband here did likewise, I figured a warm, comfy bed was infinitely better than a closet. I mean, sharing a bed with a married couple and not being romantically involved with at least one of them? Can anyone imagine anything more awkward, and no Mr. Creepy, that's not a challenge for you."

Rei: "Jiii!"

Asuka: "Of course, once I agreed, then I found out it was Rei's official birthday."

Hikari: "Wait... You're Rei-san's Birthday Gift?!"

Shinji: "Hey, I didn't know either, okay?"

Mari: "Ooooh! So she 'unwrapped her present' right away?"

Asuka: (Blushing furiously) "Um... Yeah. Picked me and Third over here like sacks of rice and dragged us both into the bath... We've been 'bath dating' ever since. Yes, I looked it up, that is a thing here in Japan. To his eternal credit, the pervert baka here has kept his hands and eyes to himself, as he should. Wondergirl... Well, let's just say her touch is better than the notion of being power-washed by a high-pressure hose, which is how NERV wanted to handle our... situation."

Rei: "Pilot Ikari, Pilot Soryu, everyone, are... are you ignoring me?"

Asuka: "Third.. I think Wondergirl's getting lonely."

Asuka pushes me into Rei, harshly.

Asuka: "Now remember, you're a cat, act like it, got it?"

I nod at the "suggestion" and start "flirting" the same way with Rei that I did with Asuka on the rooftop.

Shinji: "Nyah!" (rubs up against Rei, cheek to cheek) "Nyah!" (Sniff, Sniff)

Rei: "Ikari-kun... what are you doing?"

Shinji: "Purrr!!!" (lick, lick)

Rei: "Stop...Pffftt!!! STOP IT, Shinji-kun!!! That... tickles... bwahahaha!!! Stop, stop, stop it!!!!"

Rei gently puts one hand under my chin and gently guides me. "Now here is how the kiss on the rooftop should have gone!"

Rei kisses me strong, firm, and long, ending with a trail of saliva between us. The clerk gets an explosive nosebleed and collapses. Hikari melts into a puddle of embarrassment. Toji is a mask of pure envy. Kensuke... as usual, he's using up rolls of film like they're going out of style.

As for Mari....

Mari: "In all my manga, h-doujin, rom-coms, or whatever, I have yet to see or hear of a story with a plot this cheesy.... AND I LOVE IT!!! OMGWTFBBQ!!! Only people genuinely in love can be this corny with a straight face! I wish I could have been there for the wedding!"

Rei: "Indeed. While it may be too late to see Shinji-kun and I 'tie the knot' as you Westerners say, it is not too late to see your darling onee-san join us."

Asuka: "Wait, hold on! I still haven't decided yet! I've still got to look into it!"

Hikari: "Shinji-kun, Rei-san, Asuka-san? What are you talking about?"

Rei: "Why, I wish to make Asuka-san my 'comfort wife', what other meaning is there?"

Hikari: "Wait.. what?! Hold on, hold on! That... that hasn't been done since the upheaval known as the Meji period! During the Edo period, women married the household husband came from, not the husband himself!"

Rei: "But it's still legal, yes?"

Hikari: "...Maybe, there are still families who see marriage that way...but good luck finding a Shinto priest who will carry out the ceremony, which while not a strict legal requirement for it to be recognized by The Cabinet, it will mark you as 'non-religious', which could be quite bad, and it won't be legally recognized anywhere outside Japan!"

Asuka: "... Wondergirl..."

Rei: "I apologize, Asuka-san, I am no expert on international law, I can only speak on how Japan would treat our union, and what I told you is accurate, as far as Japan goes."

Asuka: "You know... this 'revelation' doesn't help your case. That being said, I'm beginning to find your proposal somewhat attractive, as I do know a few Western laws allowing for joint custody.. We MIGHT be able to make it work, but I'm still not ready."

Rei: "I understand. Take your time."

Toji: "IKARI!!! What kind of magic are you using?! You've got..."

Hikari pulls on Toji's ear. "Not one more word, got it?" (Turns to Asuka, Rei, and myself.) "Asuka-san, Rei-san, Shinji-kun, I'll look around. If you ever want to go through with it, I'll do my best to help."

Rei: "Thank you for... everything, Hikari-san. You're a true friend."

Asuka: "Yeah. You represent the best Japan has to offer."

Hikari blushes from the praise. "It is my honor. Now shall we get going?"

On our way to the Croft mansion, the cat-maid outfit caused a great many accidents as people stopped paying attention to what they were doing to turn their heads and crashed into places, things, and each other. Some of them didn't even bother to restrain themselves and just had their noses explode and they fell over backwards with strange looks on their faces... The news coverage that night would be... interesting, to say the least.

Meanwhile, at an undisclosed location...

Kihl: "The implants we gave him are working properly."

Seele US: "Yes! We see everything he sees!"

Seele England: "We hear everything he hears!"

Seele France: "And already it pays off..."

Seele US: "Yes. Those kids are already getting too big for their breeches. How dare that... doll... besmirch us and the Instrumentality committee!"

Kihl: "Indeed, they need to be reminded who is in charge, and to treat their superiors with respect! Disgusting old men, indeed. She, especially, should be 'reeducated,' harshly! But..."

Seele England: "We can't take direct action, not yet..."

Seele China: "Perhaps I can offer a solution?"

Kihl: "Oh? Enlighten us."

Seele China: "The cult of Xian would be more than happy to go through 'The Children' to get at Lara Croft. Our hands will stay clean while those brats learn their lesson... It won't take much, just a 'loose lip' in the right places..."

Kihl: "While we can plausibly deny any knowledge or responsibility... Yes. Perfect! The brats want 'disgusting old men'? They'll get their wish!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!!"


Back at the Croft Mansion...


We were worried about how we were going to enlighten Misato and Lara about Kowaru's "issues" until Lara gave us the opening to discuss it.

Lara: "Welcome home, everyone... Shinji Ikari, what is up with that outfit?!"

Misato: "Pffft!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" (Falls out of her chair laughing.)

Shinji: "Nyah! Asuka-san, may I go change now? Nyah!"

Asuka: "Hahahaha! Sure, Shinji-kun, I think you've had enough."

I'm momentarily confused that Asuka called me by name, but I take the opportunity to get out of the cat-maid outfit that's presented, and come back to see Lara de-briefing everyone on what she learned out of Mari's and Kowaru's entrance exam.

Lara: "I've got the results for the new kids' exams. Mari.."

Mari: "Yes."

Lara: "Outstanding work! Clearly college-level intellect, though your grasp of the kanji and hiragana is a bit weak, but we can work on that. What concerns me though is how you answered your 'freestyle creative writing' assignments... You're 14 years old! If you were 21, or even 18, I'd happily overlook the erotic literature nature of your work, I might even praise your style, as you've certainly got quite the imagination, but for a 14-year old to write like a 'dirty old man'..."

Mari: "Oh, well. Let's just say that while I was growing up in London, my parents were rebelling against what they considered 'prudish' upbringing, and let me slake my curiosity by perusing all kinds of erotic literature, and thought it would be a good idea if I learned the Japanese language through h-works."

Lara: (Facepalms) "I see. Being British myself, I can't say I'm keen on that idea, but you seem like an otherwise happy and healthy individual, and the damage is done in any event. Just remember, real-life isn't always like what you read, and I consider that type of stuff inappropriate, especially in this house."

Mari: "Understood."

Lara: "Kowaru Nagisa... You worry me. Sure, your technical knowledge is excellent, however..."

Misato: "What?"

Lara: "How do I put this... It's like you've simply memorized all the science, math, and grammar material and regurgitate it, verbatim, while having no understanding or comprehension of the concepts and theories behind it. You can solve the equation A^2 + B^2 = C^2, but can't grasp what it refers to, nor grasp the reason for it. And your 'creative writing' exercises? Either totally blank, or pure plagiarism! It's like... you can't imagine anything different than what you've already seen, heard, or had explained to you. Almost like an 'idiot savant' that was fed a bunch of facts and figures and then ruled 'sane' and let loose on the world without any kind of understanding or relevant experience. This is clearly not good, usually indicating some kind of severe mental defect, trauma, or injury. I'm going to have to ask, kids, you've been with him all day. Now tell me, holding nothing back, everything you saw or heard him do that you consider odd, or worries you, hold nothing back and keep nothing out."

Given the opportunity, nae the order, and a blank check to explain how odd Kowaru is, we comply and tell Lara Croft about all Kowaru's odd and disturbing words and acts during the day, especially how he sees nothing wrong with rounding up kittens to snap their necks, because he considers that a "mercy" and simply can't comprehend how that's wrong.

Lara: "... Major. This is critical. The boy Kowaru Nagisa is seriously, seriously mentally ill. He needs an MRI scan, and the best psycho-therapist we can find. I don't know how he was raised, and I don't want to, but people who go out to hurt small animals... never turn out well without immediate intervention, and sometimes turn out poorly despite it."

Misato: "Got it. I'll have Dr. Ritsuko Akagi give him a full medical workup ASAP, and I'll see about getting him a therapist, though getting one, especially a highly competent one, on such short notice, is … yeah, don't hold your breath."

Lara: "Yeah. Haven't forgotten where we are or what we're up against, but he needs what he needs and we can't change that."

Misato: "Okay. I'm going to take him to NERV HQ after dinner, see what Rits can find out. After that..."

Lara: "Yeah, good luck. We're going to need it."

Sure enough, Misato takes Kowaru to the NERV medical facilities, along with his homework, while the rest of us are left behind.

Lara: "Okay, kids, due to the lateness of the hour, I'm not going to be sending you home alone, so you can spend the night here, but I'm going to be making sure there's no hanky-panky going on. Toji, Kensuke, you two will share a room. Mari and Hikari will share another. Rei, Shinji, and Asuka... I'm sure everyone knows why they get a special exemption..."

Everyone: "Right!"

Lara: "Okay, then, everyone, get to bed and go to sleep. I've got to get you lot up to par on your exercises. Oh, don't think that just because you're not pilots that you're exempt! Everyone who's under this roof gets the morning training! Everyone."

Rei: "She's not kidding. Get your rest. You'll need it."

As we're turning in for the night...

Asuka: "Wondergirl, is it alright if I lay on Baka's side of the bed tonight?"

Rei: "Of course."

Shinji: "Eh?!"

Asuka: "Don't get the wrong idea, Shinji-kun. Just makes it easier to do this." (She gives me a light peck on the cheek.) "Ya know, it feels much, much better to know that you're trying to respect my boundaries because you want to respect my boundaries, rather than because you're too chicken shit to try something."

Shinji: (Crying) "Asuka-san..."

Asuka: "Call me 'chan' when we're alone from now on, Shinji-kun. You've earned the privilege. And why are you crying?"

Shinji: "You... called me 'Shinji-kun!' I'm … so …. so happy!"

Asuka: "Oh good grief! Ya wear yer emotions on yer sleeve don't ya! Well, can't say I hate that."

Rei: "Indeed. You've both come a long, long way today. I'm proud of you."

Rei proceeds to lift Asuka's face by the chin, to kiss her long and deep, separating with a trail of saliva like she did with me earlier.

Rei: "I've already rewarded you, today, Shinji-kun, but this is on credit." (Licks up my tears on her side) "Oh, sweet. This is why I love you, Shinji-kun. You're too honest to be afraid of your feelings."

Asuka does the same on her side.

Asuka: "Hmmm. Kinda salty, but yeah. Enjoy your reward tonight. You're getting every teen boy's dream right now, squeezed between two lovely ladies, so don't push yer luck!"

Shinji: "Sniff! Yeah, thank... thank you, Rei, Asuka-chan!"

Asuka: "Sounds nice! Now sleep."

Down in the NERV lab...

Ristuko: "Major, what can it be now? Do you have any idea how late it is, and why is one of the pilots here with you?"

Misato: "Rits. We need to get him a full medical, stat."

Ritsuko: "What? What brought this on? He looks perfectly okay to me..."

Misato: "He isn't. I'll tell you more, in private."

Ritsuko: "Okay. This isn't like you. It must be serious. Bring him in. We'll see about getting him checked out."

Kowaru: "I fail to see why everyone is panicking. All I suggested is that it's far more merciful to kill stray kittens quickly than to see them suffer and starve to death..."

Ritsuko: "Okay, I can see where this is headed. To my lab, stat."

Once Kowaru's in a specially segregated LCL tank and getting the full scan...

Ritsuko: "OH MY GOD!"

Misato: "What? What... OH! WHAT THE FUCKING HELL! What are these shadows in his head?!"

Ritusko: "... Rough first guess... Tumors, Inoperable, and metastasized. It's amazing he's still alive. We could maybe, maybe remove the ones on his optic and auditory nerves, but it would leave him completely deaf and blind, presuming it doesn't kill him."

Misato: "Sweet Jesus!"

Ritsuko: "Yeah. Leave him here overnight. I'll speak with The Commander about this. You. You get home and get some rest."

Misato: "Understood."

Later we'd find out that what she tells Commander Gendo Ikari would be an entirely different story.

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 17

In Gendo's office back at NERV the following morning...

Ritsuko: "Sir, the newest male pilot, Kowaru Nagisa... has been compromised."

Fuyutsuki: "How so?"

Ritsuko: "Although I told Major Misato Katsuragi that my preliminary analysis indicates inoperable metastasized tumors in his brain, the final result is far more worrisome."

Gendo: "What are you trying to say, Doctor?"

Ritsuko: "The boy has numerous visual and audio sensors implanted in his optic and auditory nerves. In addition, there's some kind of … device planted deep, deep in his cerebral cortex. I have no idea how such a thing was put there, but it defies analysis as to its nature. I did manage to get a chemical analysis by inserting a microscopic probe into his cerebra-spinal fluid. The results are alarming. Whatever else that device does, its structure contains at least one very high-yield plastic explosive. That's all I was able to learn before the boy underwent a grand-mal seizure and the probe was destroyed."

Fuyutsuki: "My word..."

Gendo: "Doctor. The Child, blue or orange?"

Ritsuko: "... The readings are bouncing back and forth. He keeps fluctuating between blue and orange in a regular pattern, the change occurs roughly every six hours... matching with the lunar tides."

Gendo: ".... Those senile, arrogant, inbred IDIOTS! This is completely unforgivable! What's worse is that they set it loose too soon! To compound their idiocy, they actually think a simple high-yield explosive is enough to cover their tracks and serve as a collar... MORONS! Such a thing is only likely to be an annoyance, at most, to it, while grievously harming anyone that tries to stop it...! GAH!"

Suddenly, the phone in Gendo's office rings, from a number very, very familiar to Gendo, Chairman Kihl.

Fuyutsuki: "Speak of the Devil..."

Gendo: (Answering the phone.) "Hello."

Kihl: "Ikari. Why is the fifth child in NERV HQ's medical wing?"

Gendo: (Looks over at Fuyutsuki, nods and returns to the call.) "The Major brought him in. Said something about him acting very strangely. An advanced medical screening found what appears to be a set of inoperable metastasized tumors in his head. How could this have happened? Was he exposed to lethal doses of radiation? Some bizarre toxic chemical or chemicals?"

Kihl: "Enough playing dumb, Gendo. You know as well as we do what the Fifth's true story is! Why is he not with the others? We need to keep an eye on them..."

Gendo: "With all due respect, the Fifth's behavior was indeed VERY odd, and cause for concern. The moment he began talking of harming small animals with indifference..."

Kihl: "Fine. Tell the world he's got cancer, and has to stay at NERV HQ as your people try to find a cure. In the meantime, there is an urgent matter we must discuss. The next Angel has been found. Proceed to the meeting room, at once!"

As Gendo heads out to the usual SEELE meeting place to learn of the lava-swimming Angel, later known as Sandalphon, Ritsuko is examining Kowaru in her lab...

Kowaru: "Now, Doctor. Let's drop the pretense, shall we? You and I both know that 'cancer' is not what ails me."

Ritsuko: "What makes you say that, Pilot?"

Kowaru: "Oh, I am well aware of my implants, and the explosive 'leash' in my head. SEELE sees and hears everything I do. Even things that ordinary human eyes don't."

Ritsuko: "What... are you talking about?"

Kowaru: "Oh, you sure are good at lying, Doctor, even to yourself. I see you throwing yourself at The Commander... Those old men are getting quite a show... Oh, on top of his desk in his office? How... adventurous!"

Ritsuko: "...HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THIS???!!!!"

Kowaru: "Like I said, Doctor. I see things. Gendo will never love you, and you know it, but … you keep throwing yourself at him, hoping to 'fix' that, regardless of the cost. It never works. You're just a flesh-light with a PHD to him.. Is it fun trying to take your mother's place?"

Ritsuko: "...You are testing my patience... Do you want to die?"

Kowaru: "If only you were able... Oh, oh dear. You'd become your mother then wouldn't you? Would that make you happy? I want to make you happy, Doctor. Please enlighten me."

Ritsuko: "GHYHAAAAAHHH!H!!! YOU MISERABLE LITTLE....."

Kowaru: "Ooh. Language, Doctor. As to your earlier question, yes, I very much would like to die. But nobody has the ability to do that... except maybe Shinji-kun... and that only serves to break him. I don't want that."

Ritsuko: "NOW what are you talking about?"

Kowaru: "Why, he SHOULD be a raving delinquent, a lunatic, a complete psycho who hates the world, but he isn't. Despite being abandoned, put into a literal doghouse, and treated as non-existent for a decade, starting at age four, he's still a sweet, sensitive, observant boy who truly treasures his friends, classmates, and those two significant women in his life. Doesn't that fascinate you? His spirit... shines like the sun, and it's … beautiful!"

Ritsuko: "What... what have they done to you?"

Kowaru: "THEY have shackled me, Tabris, the Angel of Free Will, for their own sick amusement. The only way to break the chains are with my death, or theirs... and they know it. But they are out of reach, and I can't die..."

Ritsuko: "How...Why..."

Kowaru: "Ah. I'm not saying anything they don't already know, and to someone they consider powerless to stop them. So why shouldn't I?"

Ritsuko: "... So you were deliberately provoking me, to see if I'd be enraged and determined enough to try and kill you?"

Kowaru: "Yes." (Smiles sweetly.)

Ritsuko: "...Now I know how Misato feels. I NEED A FUCKING DRINK! NOW!"

Ritsuko picks up her cell-phone and calls her old friend Major Misato Katsuragi, but then gets a message from Gendo.

Gendo: "Doctor. Have your subordinates watch over the Fifth. Your services are required elsewhere. Report to my office, immediately."

Kowaru: "Saved by the bell? Pity."

As Ritsuko is riding the elevator to Gendo's office, she bumps into Misato, who was also called.

Misato: "Going to see The Commander?"

Ritsuko: "Yes.... Major, remember how Rei used to be before she married Shinji?"

Misato: "...Yes?..."

Ritsuko: "Kowaru makes her look downright cheerful and adorable by comparison."

Misato: "JESUS CHRIST!!! You wanna talk?"

Ritsuko: "I... want to, yes. I... don't think I can..."

Misato: "My door's always open, Rits. You can talk to me anytime..."

Ritsuko: "I'd like that. Let's find out what The Commander wants first."

Misato and Ritsuko get briefed on the upcoming mission to face Sandalphon, the lava-swimming Angel.

Somewhere in Tokyo-3...

A girl, early teens, short, red hair and blue eyes is in her apartment. She is speaking on the phone with someone...

? : "Yes. I was watching the Eva pilots today. I even got to get close to them in a cosplay store... No. I don't think approaching The Third Child directly is possible... Well, his wife and her girlfriend made it quite clear to their companions that meddling in their private lives is an engraved invitation for violence. I'd be lucky if I just got skinned alive, literally....Then what DO you suggest?...I see. That could be possible. I'll try getting closer to his friend, Kensuke, the one guy who didn't have a girl hanging off of him... Are you serious? Is his rep really that bad? The Third doesn't strike me as a guy who'd hang out with a total sleaze...Yes, yes, I know. The mission trumps my personal feelings. Still, I'd need something from you... Yeah, I need into his class. It's the only way I can be around them long enough... Okay. Starting tomorrow then, I'll be in Tokyo-3's high-school under the name Mana Kirishima. Wish me luck."

Mana hangs up the phone.

Mana: "Those …. hypocrites! After everything they've done, they dare to have the gall to be offended that NERV is using kids as soldiers....Musashi, Keita... I'm sorry I couldn't do anything for you!"

The next morning, she shows up to class, introduces herself as Mana Kirishima... and learns the pilots, all three of them, have been shipped off to the Hokkaido hot-springs on an official NERV mission. She is visibly crestfallen, still, takes the seat vacated by Kowaru, who she learns has been pulled out of class, due to having end-stage, inoperable brain cancer, that amazes the medical staff on how it hasn't killed him yet. The classes go quietly, but come lunch break...

Kensuke: "Wow. Three new kids in as many days... What are the odds?"

Toji: "Tell me about it... and those three get to go to a hot springs?! What are they going to be fighting over there? Modesty towels?"

Mari: "Hey, hey, boy-oh's. This is NERV business. You can bet an Angel is going to be showing up there one way or another.."

Toji: "Ooh! Yeah, the Angel of wrinkles and prune skin..."

Hikari: "Stop it! Don't make jokes like that! You know those three can't be more than a meter apart, two at most, without special gear, or they'd die, horribly, and an Angel is responsible."

Kensuke and Toji: "..."

Hikari: "Oh don't you two go there. You know they can't 'climb the stairs to adulthood' either, as that's liable to kill them quite graphically too!"

Mana: "Are.. are you serious?!"

Hikari: "Uh. Yeah. Makes them kinda … touchy... about their personal space. Normally, we don't talk about this, but we figure if you're going to hang out with us, you need to know."

Kensuke: "Yeah. Sad about that Kowaru kid. We thought it was a culture barrier but..."

Hikari: "Yeah. Brain cancer is known for doing all sorts of things to your personality and giving you all sorts of psychiatric and psychological problems."

Mana: "I wish that I could have met him, and the others.."

Kensuke: "Well. Can't blame you concerning Asuka-san, Rei-san, or Shinji-san. They are celebrities, after all, but for Kowaru..."

Hikari: "Yeah, probably better you didn't meet him."

Toji: "Let me just say... he's rather creepy. How much of that is the cancer, cultural barriers, or … his inherent self... no way to tell."

Mana: "Wow..."

Hikari: "Hey. We may not be able to catch them, but it's part of my duties to take their assignments to their tutor, would you like to join us?"

Mana: (visibly and genuinely surprised) "Gladly! If nothing else, I'd love to see where they live!"

Hikari: "Okay, let me just let her know." (Calls Lara Croft's mansion) "Hello, Croft-san? Hikari-san, the class president here. We'd like to bring a new friend to your mansion...Okay, here she is."

Mana: "Hello, may I call you Croft-Sensei?... Okay, Lara-sensei. My name is Mari Kirishima-san. I'd like to accompany Hikari-san, Toji-san, and Kensuke-san to see you... Oh? You'd like to see me?... Wait. How did you know I just transferred in today?... Oh, the teacher told you?...I see....Well, can't say I disagree with the idea. The more friends the better? Okay. Thanks... Bring pajamas? Wait... (Click)"

Kensuke: "Okay... that was kind of fast... Croft-Sensei seemed kind off... stand-offish to me..."

Hikari: "Yeah, she is kind of... odd, but she's pleasant enough, though... be prepared for some rather... intense morning exercises."

Mana: "EH?!!"

At the Croft Mansion a bit later...

Lara: "You're Mana Kirishima, I trust?"

Mana: "Yes, honored to meet you, Lara Croft-Sensei?"

Lara: "Indeed. Pleasured. Kensuke-san, Toji-san, Hikari-san? Could you go ahead and set up the study area? I need to speak to our newest student for a bit, see where she is on the curriculum."

Everyone: "Of course!"

Lara: "Thank you."

As the rest of them leave, Lara's smile vanishes and she turns to me, her face a stony mask, devoid of emotion.

Lara: "Okay, dearest. Your timing for transfer in and seeking the pilots is suspicious. Who's sponsoring you?"

Mana: "How.. Wha?"

Lara: "Please, don't insult either of us by pretending you don't know what I'm talking about. I've been through the school of hard knocks several times. Now if you're not going to be honest, I can make it damn hard for you to even see the pilots, let alone meet them, clear?"

Mana: "Uh..." (Looks around nervously)

Lara: "Ahh, yes. Of course." (Whips out a sniffer and waves it over Mana) "Clear. Speak freely."

Mana: "The JSSDF."

Lara: "(Sigh) I figured as much. I'm honestly surprised those yobs waited this long to try something. Now, I don't fault you, personally, as I'm sure you don't have a choice in the matter, but I am tasked with the pilots' well being, so anything happens to them, and there will be consequences."

Mana: "Understood."

Lara: "Good. Now I don't mind you hanging out with them, as long as you keep them out of the bloody politics, as much as possible anyway. They've got enough on their plate going into life-or-death battle every day.."

Mana: "Life or death battle? They're in robots the size of skyscrapers! How could they be in danger?.."

Lara: "Been fed the party line eh? Ever gotten shot in the chest by a plasma beam? Had your arm ripped off, crushed or mangled? Pierced through the skull? I can show you the videos of their fights, and I know for a fact that they feel every little thing that their 'robots' go through."

Mana: "And how do you know any of that?"

Lara drops the medical reports right in front of Mana. "Read them."

Half-way through the reports Mana's eyes open wide. "No... way. These are lies!"

Lara: "I can't make you believe anything.. But that IS what they go through, or that is what they believe they go through, and their relationship with each other, not to mention the rest of humanity is … rather fragile, and I'd rather not see them break. Now what did the JSSDF do to you?"

Finding a sympathetic ear, and assured that the JSSDF isn't going to "punish her for insubordination," Mari shares the story of her abuses at the hands of the JSSDF, including the way her team-mate Keita was savagely beaten for wanting out of the TRIDENT program.."

Lara's face goes dark with unbridled rage. "THOSE COWARDLY ENTITLED WANKERS!! It's a crime to put an adult through that, but a defenseless kid?! "BLOODY HELL!!!"

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 18

While preparing for our mission at Hokkaido, I'm working on a rather difficult calculus equation poolside...

Asuka: (In a sporting yellow bikini) "What ya working on?"

Shinji: "This equation is so difficult."

Asuka: "You're struggling with something so simple?" (Leans over so her bikini top is right in my face.) "Here and here... there you go."

Shinji: "Wow. You can solve such a difficult equation so easily..." (Eyes locked on the bikini top.)

Asuka: "Yeah, but I do poorly in the class exams? Well..."

Shinji: "You have a bit of trouble understanding the Kanji?" (Eyes still focused on the bikini.)

Asuka: "Something like that... As for the equation you were working on, it basically boils down to thermal expansion."

Shinji: "Things getting bigger when they're hot and smaller when they're cold?"

Asuka: "Exactly. Now what do you suppose would happen if I rubbed my breasts with my hands?" (Puts her hands on her bikini top, palms inward.)

Shinji: "I...I... don't..."

Rei: "Why, Asuka-chan, that's a myth. Even taking into account that whatever heat you put on your breasts would be carried away by your blood before any noticeable effect, there's no scientific evidence agreeing with what you suggest... Although the textbooks could be wrong." (Rei grabs my hands and puts them over Asuka's while Asuka still has them over her bikini top.) "Care to find out, Shinji-kun?" (Rei wraps her own hands over mine to keep me from pulling away.)

Shini: "(Gulp) Asuka-chan..."

Asuka: "Hush. Don't move. Don't blink... don't even breathe... it tickles..."

As Asuka starts leaning in for a kiss, the door opens and in comes Ritsuko Akagi with Misato in tow...

Ritsuko: "Pilots, it's time to...."

Misato: "Erm... Don't mind us, kids. Not like we have an important mission briefing or anything..."

Asuka: (Pushes Rei and Shinji back angrily and embarassed.)"....Gyhyaahhh!!!! Damn it!"(Stomps) "Damn it!" (Stomps) "Damn it!" (Stomps) "DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!! That's the second time I got cock-blocked while trying to kiss Shinji-kun!! BWAARRGGHHH!!!!"

Misato: "The second time?"

Rei: "...Yes! Nagisa-san ruined the mood last time by happily proclaiming the desire to kill small animals."

Ritsuko: (Sigh)

Misato: (Waves one hand playfully while covering her mouth with the other) "Sorry, sorry...I find your flirting very, very cute, but duty calls.... Wait... Did.. Did Asuka just call him Shinji-kun?! Not BAKA or Third?"

Ritsuko: "You heard correctly, Major. While I trust this means something special to you, to me it doesn't matter what they call each other as long as they do their job and do it well, with a minimum of fuss."

Misato: "Rits.. You don't get it. Asuka-san uses nicknames for everyone. Even her official girlfriend gets identified as 'Wondergirl' not Rei-chan or Ikari-kun! When.. when did the two of them get that close?!"

Asuka: "What, do you want me to call him 'Baka' or something? Shinji-kun earned the privilege when he showed me that he respects my boundaries because he wants to, not because I'm a 'side dish.' And man does it feel good when he decides to 'push the envelope' and flirt with me. Why do you think I put him in a cat-girl maid costume?"

Ristuko and Misato: "...."

Rei: "Asuka-chan does not use nicknames for class-president Hikari..."

Asuka: "Well, that... that's out of respect for her position, as class-president, Wondergirl...."

Rei: "What... exactly do you think of me, Soryu-chan?"

Asuka: "Well... I like ya, I really do. Yer exciting, fun, nice on the eyes, and gotta admit, it's very, very comfy getting snuggled by you, but... ya can get pretty freaking scary! Specially when you have problems understanding the boundaries people usually take for granted."

Rei begins sulking and squirming, clearly uncomfortable with Asuka's assesment.

Asuka: "That being said, I love and trust ya, and I wouldn't want anyone else being my wingman. Heck, yer willing ta share yer husband with me, like he's willing to share you with me, so I get loving from you BOTH! I couldn't ask for better, and I won't. I'm... just not there yet, okay?"

Misato and Ritsuko: "Daaannngggg!!!!"

Asuka: "Now Major, Her Doktorr, what was so important that ya had to go and shut down our flirting time? Hmm?"

Major: "Now I feel guilty..."

Ritsuko: "Me too... Pilots, the Angel's been located, and it's time to show you your Eva's special gear."

Of course, we're ordered to change into our plug-suits and then shown our Eva... needless to say that none of us are happy with what we see.

Asuka: "Eva-02! What have they done to you?!"

Shinji: "Think Eva-02's bad?! The rest of us look like..."

Rea: "Onii-san! Get this ugly stuff off me! I look weird!"

Ritsuko: "I'm sorry, pilots, but this gear is absolutely necessary to deal with the heat and pressure you're going to encounter in the magma flow where the Angel is currently incubating. We've also made special adjustments to your plug-suits. Please activate the device on your wrists.."

We all do to suddenly have the plug-suits swell up like balloons.

Asuka: "The fuck?! We look fat!"

Rei: "Fat? OBESE! And highly uncomfortable."

Kaji: "Oh what a shame. I don't get to see Asuka-chan's lovely figure."

Asuka: (Turns and glares at Kaji) "HMPH!! There was a time when I would have been thrilled hearing that from you, but that ship has sailed, Mr. Skirt Chaser!"

Kaji is briefly taken aback, as Asuka used to call him by name, but is now addressing him by nickname and a rather insulting one at that.

Misato: "And what brings you here today, Inspector?"

Kaji: "Well, Major, the UN sent me here to inspect and observe the Eva and the operation to capture the Angel. Purely to ensure their investment is well protected..."

Rei: "Of course they did."

Kaji: "Well that and to inform you about the state of the Fifth Child."

Misato: "Pray tell, what is that?"

Kaji: "End stage brain-cancer, inoperable. He is to be contained in NERV HQ until a proper medical regimen can be developed, or he dies..."

Rei: "I see. That does explain a great deal."

Ritsuko: "Rei? Care to elaborate?"

Rei: "Of course, Doctor. Aside from the well documented psychoses and changes to personality possible by advanced brain-cancer, have you all forgotten how Asuka-chan, Shinji-kun, and myself got to be the way we are?"

Misato: "You... You're saying Nagisa Kowaru-kun has been infected and compromised by a microscopic Angel?!"

Rei: "It would certainly explain why my every instinct screams at me to destroy him on sight."

Misato: "Rei..."

Ritsuko: "Part of Rei's upbringing does include being taught how to discern Angel activity and ..."

Misato: "Stop. I don't want to hear any more, not now, especially since we're in mixed company, and we're not entirely sure who the Inspector would be reporting to..."

Kaji: (Sarcastically) "Oh, that hurts, Major, and we used to be so close..."

Misato: "Zip it, skirt-chaser-san! Now, kids, I know you're not happy with how your Evas look, and the Evas aren't happy either, but we only had the one Eva-sized dive suit so we had to decommission several old WWII subs for the parts to jury-rig the suits for the others. They're not quite as durable. The plan is for Eva-02, piloted our best diver, to dive in, capture the Angel and be reeled back out."

Rei: "Like deep-sea fishing?"

Misato: "More or less. As you are all well-aware, though, things haven't been going that well in the Angel fights lately. The Angels have had the nasty tendency of splitting themselves off into pieces and attacking in and from multiple directions at once. The environment already gives us a huge disadvantage, and if the Angel wakes up and continues the pattern, with Asuka-san tethered to the cooling pipes, unable to maneuver..."

Asuka: "Yeah, I'd get fucked over 10 ways to Sunday, and no I don't mean the good kind."

Misato: "Exactly, so Eva-00 and Eva-01 are going to be on standby next to the winch and if anything goes wrong, they're to use the …. hastily adapted gear to race down and extract Eva-02, and exterminate the Angel with extreme prejudice."

We're taken to a cliff overlooking where the magma river breaches the surface and Eva-02 can be inserted, which we do.

Asuka: "I can't see crap down here! This is also the second time I've been set to dangle like bait on a hook! Where's the Angel?!"

Misato: "Asuka-san, you're supposed to be right on top of it!"

Makoto: "Ma'am. She is right on top of it, 100 meters on top of it."

Misato: "... Damn! And her gear's maximum safe depth is only 50 or so more meters down..."

Asuka: "I'll do it!"

Misato: "Are you sure? It's not just your life on the line..."

Shinji: "We can't risk that thing riding a current and then attacking from under Tokyo-3!"

Rei: "Indeed. It is a risky move, but the risk of doing nothing is much higher."

Misato: (Tapping her pencil against the desk for a few seconds.) "Alright. I approve. Asuka-san, get that Angel, but be careful."

Asuka: "Got it, Major."

Makoto: "Lowering Eva-02 into position...."

Asuka: "Angel spotted, preparing to deploy cage." (Creaking noises) "The progressive knife has broken free and is falling down."

Ritsuko: "Don't worry about that now. Focus on capturing the Angel, and then getting out of there!"

Asuka: "Roger! In range, deploying cage."

Makoto: "Cage deployed, capture successful!"

Asuka: "Thank Gott! Now get me out of here! I'm beginning to be parboiled in my own juices!"

Ritsuko: "All the tension's released at once..."

Makoto: "The Angel... wait... seems to be nothing..."

Misato: "Makoto-san, elaborate. What just happened?"

Makoto: "Major, the Angel seemed to wake up for a brief second, but went back to dormancy..."

Misato: "Pilots! Stay alert. That Angel could wake up at any time, even after you've reached the surface!"

Everyone: "Roger!"

The rest of the return to the surface appears uneventful. Asuka even manages to get the containment cage cliffside.

Asuka: "Whew! I wish all our missions could be this easy..."

Rei: "Asuka-chan, don't jinx it now..."

Asuka: "As if I believe those cliché..."

Shinji: "Asuka-san! Watch out!"

The Angel wakes up in earnest, transforming Asuka's cooling lines, which we had to cut her out of, into feeding tubes for itself, taps into the lava flow and begins pumping lava, preparing to attack. Now we're dealing not with an Angel that lives in a volcano, but an Angel that IS a volcano.

To be continued....

 

[Kuratius]

The thing is, you're a good writer, but you have zero sense for the dramatic and the crossover serves no purpose whatsoever. It reads more as a series of omakes for a crack fic than a coherent, consisten story.

 

[The Azure Priest]

The thing is, you're a good writer, but you have zero sense for the dramatic and the crossover serves no purpose whatsoever. It reads more as a series of omakes for a crack fic than a coherent, consistent story.

Click to shrink...

Thank you for your input. It is greatly appreciated. That being said, this is Evangelion. Rest assured, the drama is incoming.

 

[The Azure Priest]

And the drama starts... now, about half-way through the chapter. The fun times are scheduled to be few and far between. VERY far between.

Chapter 19

Try as we might, the Angel's A-T field is too strong. Even all three of our Evas focusing on a single spot barely degrades the A-T field enough for us to scratch the surface, and our Progressive Knives can't pierce the outer shell, in fact, the extreme heat causes the blades to dull and melt.

Shinji: "What the hell can we do about this?"

Rei: "Indeed, we don't have any N2 mines available to us..."

Asuka: "The only thing I can think of is that the Angel is going to have to drop its A-T field to attack, and that will be our only opening."

Shinji: "But even then..."

Rei: "Someone will have to take the attack head-on, while the rest of us try to find a way to breach its armor... which our weapons can't do..."

Shinji: "I have the answer..."

Shinji and Asuka: "Thermal Expansion!"

Asuka: "What do you think is going to happen when something that's super-heated, like our Angel 'friend' here, experiences sudden, rapid cooling?"

Rei: "Then I'll take the heat...."

Asuka: "Sorry, Rei-chan, but it won't be you." (Rei blinks in surprise) "I'm the only one properly equipped to take a lava bath. I'll be counting on the two of you to hose it down."

Rei: "Asuka-chan..."

Asuka: "Oh, don't worry, you both are going to owe me for this. I'm not sure how you're going to pay me back.."

Shinji and Rei: "We look forward to it!"

Asuka: "Hahaha! Oh you sweet, sentimental fools. This is why I love ya! HERE IT COMES!"

Sure enough, the Angel finishes pressuring itself and launches a stream of lava in our direction. Asuka takes the heat while the two of us grapple the Angel and hose it down with what remains of our coolant pipes... but it's still not enough! After the Angel fishes bathing Asuka with a high-pressure lava stream, it knocks us aside as easily as you or I would shove aside a mosquito and raises its A-T field again. True the outer skin is cracked, blistering, and peeling, but this isn't enough to compromise its structural integrity. Asuka's diving suit is shot, and Eva-02 is unable to move. No way it can take another hit!

Asuka: "Guess we gave it our best, huh?"

Shinji: "Don't be too sure about that!"

Rei and Asuka: "Eh?!"

Shinji: "Look in it's 'mouth' where the lava came from."

Coolant pipe #3 is shoved into the "mouth" of the Angel and trapped there, apparently caught on something.

Shinji: "Misato-san, please direct all coolant pressure to pipe number 3!"

Misato: "You heard him, DO IT!"

Makoto: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Asuka: "BAKA! What good is that going to do?!"

Rei: "I see... Not bad, Shinji-kun."

Asuka: "What are you talking about, Wondergirl?"

Shinji: "Now, Asuka-san, have you never heard about Shield Volcanoes?"

Asuka: "Oh.. He, He, Hehehe, Bwahahahaha! That's brilliant, Shinji-kun!"

Misato: "What are you pilots talking about?"

Asuka: "You'll see. I recommend taking cover, Major. The Angel's going to BLOW!"

Shield volcanoes are a type of volcano that erupts at regular intervals, when the pressure of the lava underneath reaches a certain point. Unfortunately, the lava's chemistry sometimes changes, causing it to get sticky. When that happens, the vent(s) for the lava become blocked, causing the pressure to continuously build, until the entire volcano can no longer take the strain, and the whole thing explodes, violently. The Angel is not aware of this, and builds up its pressure for another attack... while its "mouth" is now completely blocked by rock and volcanic ash.

Angel: "Cough, Hack, HISS!!!"

Steam and trickles of lava begin forming on the Angel's skin which Shinji and Rei proceed to hose down. The Angel can't vent, and can't stop the pressure from building.

Angel: "BWAAARRRGGHHH!!!!! HEEEEEEEIIIIIIYYYAAAAAAAA!!!!"

(FWEEEENNNN!!!!)

Shinji: "HERE IT COMES! Rei! Help me cover Asuka!"

Eva-01 and Eva-00 dive atop Eva-02 just before the Angel explodes, sending up lava-bombs, rock, and volcanic ash, along with pieces of itself at incredible speeds. Naturally, the core does not survive intact, and breaks into several pieces.

After digging our way out of an air pocket formed by our Eva A-T fields shielding us from a pyroclastic flow, and having our entry plugs eject us, Asuka, firmly tired of being denied grabs me and plants a big, wet one.

Asuka: "That was brilliant, Shinji-kun. Guess I can't call you 'Baka' any more!"

Shinji: "Thank you..."

Asuka: "I've decided! The answer is 'yes!'"

Shinji: "Eh?!"

Rei: "Asuka-chan? Does that mean...?"

Asuka: "Hell yeah, Rei-chan! If we find a Shinto priest who'll do it, I'm going to marry the both of you, and I'm not going to take 'no' for an answer!"

Rei: "Asuka....chan... THANK YOU!!!"

Shinji: "We're honored. If you're willing to have us, we won't turn you down!"

Shinji's journal tears here... There are no other entries...


A spotlight shines on Misato from above as she's brought before SEELE to explain what would later be called "The Hokkaido Incident."

Kihl: "Major, in your own words, tell us what happened at Hokkaido that allowed the enemy to take the three Children in your care so easily."

Misato: "Yes, sir. After the battle with the Angel designated 'Sandalphon,' by my own prerogative, I had the three Children partake of the local hot-springs, that they just recently struggled very, very hard to protect, as we were awaiting our departure queue, upon which we were expected to depart the following morning."

SEELE France : "Interesting, and I trust you joined them?"

Misato: "No, Sir. They were segregated into one onsen and I was on the other side of a wall from them in an onsen of my own, by myself, save for my pet warm-water penguin, Pen^2."

Kihl: "As the adult and ranking officer, why were you not supervising them more closely?"

SEELE Germany : "In your culture, Chairman, it may be normal for children to bathe with their parents and legal guardians into their mid or late teens, but the Second is clearly not from your culture, she is a 'westerner' and I presume would be greatly uncomfortable at the suggestion."

Misato: "Thank you, Sir. Yes, indeed that was my line of thinking as well. Asuka-san only agreed to bathe with the others because she must be within a meter or two at all times, without special assistance, which needed recharging at that moment. It would have been to much for her … sensibilities if I were to insist on joining them."

Kihl: "I see, so you did the next best thing by being right 'next door,' as it were. Please continue."

Misato: "Yes, sir. Well, while I was relaxing in the onsen, I could hear them just on the other side of the wall, chatting, flirting, and generally enjoying themselves, until a loud crash and a scream got my attention. Thinking the pilots were in trouble, I raced to the dressing room, where I had my side-arm, to find a group of large, heavily armed men waiting. While I ducked back into the onsen to take cover against their weapons' fire, Pen^2 wasn't so lucky. He didn't even have enough time for a startled 'WARK' before being reduced to a fine mist, and the … enemy yelled 'Congratulations!' afterwards."

SEELE Germany: "So you basically surrendered without a fight?"

Misato: "No, Sir. Unarmed, and naked as the day I was born, I put up whatever a fight I could. In fact, when one of the armed men strolled into the onsen looking for me, I kicked him in the groin, seized one of his eight-gauge shot-guns, of which he had one in each hand, and blew his mask off, along with the entire head underneath. Then, using his corpse as a shield, made my way through the dressing-room, killing the entire lot. I barely made it to the hallway before taking the rifle butt of an enemy AR-15 to the face and losing consciousness."

SEELE England: "Impressive, sort of like that Yank movie hero, 'Rambo' is it?"

SEELE US : "Correct. So what happened next, Major?"

Misato: "Sir. I awoke aboard some kind of transport helicopter. At the time, I did not know where I was or what was going on. On each side of me was a guy built like a brick wall, and across from me were the Children, covered in bruises, cuts, and other injuries. The Third Child was the most victimized. All four of us were hand-cuffed to our 'seats' for lack of a better term, wearing the barest minimum to protect our modesty."

Kihl: "Interesting, do go on."

Misato: "Yes, sir. As soon as the enemy 'soldiers' realized I was conscious, I was presented with a recording."

Kihl: "Do you have the recording with you?"

Misato: "Negative. I do not have the original as it is undergoing careful audio analysis, but I do have a copy that was made for me to bring here."

Kihl: "Play it, Major. That's an order."

Misato: "Yes, Sir."

(Recording in a clearly female voice) : "Ah. Major. So good to have you among the land of the living. Now before you get angry and start shouting all sorts of names, remember two points. One, I could go to great lengths in describing what 'honorable' things your people did to mine the last time we had a spat. Two, if you insist on being uncivil and uncooperative... well, neither you nor your precious pilots are wearing clothing, your modesty only being protected by a towel, and the men you see here have quite a bit of resentment pent up regarding the rather impressive resistance they faced from 'a bunch of brats and an arm-chair officer with a pretty face.' I shouldn't have to spell out how easy it is to open a zipper, should I?"

Everyone present gets the meaning of the threat, loud and clear.

(Recording) : "I trust I now have your attention. We are the Path of Xian, and as to what we want, a woman in your company, Miss Laura Croft, has taken something precious of ours, and killed quite a few of us in the process. We want it back. The fate of these Children rests entirely on their cooperation, and yours. When we are ready for the trade, we will get in touch with you. Fair warning, we may not want to kill the 'saviors of humanity', but that doesn't guarantee that they'll be thrilled with their 'accommodations.' Anger us and they will suffer for it. For example, we could rent them out to some people with rather... how shall we say, 'unusual' tastes to compensate us for our time and aggravation. Ah, seems like you've arrived at your destination, Major..... (Click)"

Misato: "At that point, I was picked up like a sandbag and literally thrown out of the helicopter, onto the helipad for Lara Croft's mansion, and the helicopter's wash tore the towel right off, blowing it into the streets below."

Kihl: "And I trust you notified NERV immediately?"

Misasto: "Yes, sir. At that point, The Commander ordered us to launch a media blitz seeking aid from the JSSDF, the Japanese population, or anyone that might have information concerning this group of terrorists or the Pilots' whereabouts. Even offering a reward for the Children's safe return. And a warning to the perpetrators..."

Kihl: "Which Commander Ikari delivered personally."

Misato: "Yes, sir."

Kihl: "Major, do you have any idea how the terrorists' timing was so good?"

Misato: "That is still under investigation, Sir."

Kihl: "Did you receive word about what this Cult of Xian wants from the Children's tutor, Miss Laura Croft? Need I remind you that lying here will jeopardize the investigation, and the chances of recovering the Children safely?"

Misato: "I am aware, Sir, and no they have yet to send word on what they want from us, or Laura Croft."

SEELE IN UNISON: "Thank you, Major, dismissed!"

After Major Misato Katsuragi has left the room...

Kihl: "Seems the Major doesn't know or suspect anything."

SEELE China: "Yes. The Major can be sometimes scarily too competent at her job...In any case, everything is going as planned. Our hands are clean, NERV is chasing its own tail, the dangerous pilots are out of the way..."

Kihl: "And Commander Ikari has to do things our way. He can no longer afford to sideline the pilots we sent him!"

Everyone: "FOR INSTRUMENTALITY!"



Back at the Lara Croft mansion...



Lara Croft, Misato, and Ritsuko are in Lara's office, sitting around a table trying to compare notes. An unexpected presence is also in the room, a Mana Kirishima.

Misato: "Before we start, Lara, care to fill us in on why this young girl is here? Granted she gets along with Shinji and friends, but..."

Ritsuko: "What we're going to discuss could well get her killed."

Lara: "Oh, that? Well, her life is in jeopardy anyway if she doesn't keep the JSSDF happy, right, Miss Mole?"

Misato and Ritsuko: "WHAT??!!!"

Lara: "I saw through her almost instantly. Not her fault, really. I just happen to be a bit more... paranoid... than the typical eccentric multi-billionaire, who has a history of seeing through spies and agencies far, far less obvious than her and the JSSDF goose-steppers that sent her. Now I trust the meeting with the Instrumentality committee went well?"

Misato: "Hardly! It seems like they wanted to know what I knew more than wanting any leads that could help..."

Ritsuko: "Heck, they asked me to turn up completely naked!"

Everyone: "WHAT???!!!!"

Ritsuko: "I mean... I can get wanting to be sure I was 'clean', but..."

Lara Croft: "Right, let's not go there. I suspect your instincts about their motives are correct, Major, and as for you, Doctor, I'm sure they just wanted to humiliate you so you don't 'forget your place' especially considering the little bombshell you got from your patient."

Misato: "Rits..."

Ritsuko: "Remember how you asked if I wanted to talk, but I replied that I didn't think I could?"

Misato: "Oh."

Ritsuko: "That's why. SEELE did things to Kowaru, and 'cancer' is not his problem."

Misato: "Oh... OH!!! Those... BASTARDS! I bet the Angel attack that messed up Asuka, Shinji, and Rei was their doing too!"

Lara Croft: "So they go by the name SEELE, do they?"

Mana: "Erm, what are we talking about?"

Lara Croft: "Eyes and ears open, mouth shut, Lass. It will serve you better if you only speak when spoken to or asked a question, okay?"

Mana: "Yes, Ma'am."

(Lara pats her on the head.) "Good girl."

Lara stabs a dagger into the table. "THIS is what those Xian cultists are looking for. I waited until after your meeting to tell you because, frankly, I don't trust anybody with authority in this place, present company excluded, far as I could throw them. Heck, I don't even trust them that far, and your impressions of today's meeting have proven me right."

Misato: "Then why are you telling us now?"

Lara: "Because I've had several run-ins with those yobs, and I'll tell you this, they are willing and eager to kill as many people as they can to get what they want. Heck, first time I met them, they blew up a section of the Great Wall of China just to try and get me out of the way. As I'm sure you now fully understand, they're also the reason I keep a shotgun in my bedroom and bath, as they stormed my London Home, in force, in the middle of the night, while I was bathing. Fortunately, I had the home field advantage, literally, and I already had the place set up for urban combat training."

Everyone: "Geesh!"

Lara: "Now tell me, how well did my students do before they got themselves captured?"

Ritsuko: "I've reviewed the surveillance footage, since I'm THE technical expert down in NERV, and even bare handed, they did not sell themselves cheaply."

Lara: "Of course. Could you give me more details?"

Ritsuko: "Gladly. In a running battle, Asuka used a martial art that specializes in high-kicks, Tae-Kwon-Do, or something similar, to disable or kill her enemies, Rei made full leverage of her insane levels of strength, Krav-Maga, I think, maybe Maui-Thai? Shinji... He's the scariest. He didn't really have a 'style' per se, but he was still brutal, efficient, and brutally efficient. When Rei and Asuka got K'O'd, he went into a primal stance and improvised like a pro! He even managed to stab one of the assailants to death with the assailant's own rib!"

Lara: "...BLOODY HELL!"

Ritsuko: "That's not all. The boy simply refused to go down. The 'yobs' as you call them had to pile on 10 to 1, and pummel him senseless to get him to stop, sort of... like he was Eva-01 berserking!"

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 20

Lara Croft decided it's best not to dwell too much on the raging berserker Shinji Ikari had become, and instead chose to focus on more immediate problems, those she could actually deal with.

Lara: "Okay... let's put aside the sheer... carnage that brings to mind, the fact of the matter is that those three children are in grave danger. Even if we do precisely what the Xian cultists say, and give up the dagger, they will simply turn around and kill the children, if they haven't done it already. You said they communicated with you via recording?"

Misato: "Yeah..."

Lara: "Okay, let's hear it. Maybe we missed something..."

As Misato plays back the recording again, Lara's face grows ever darker...

Lara: "Jacqueline Natla... THAT BITCH! So she's joined up with the Cult of Xian... Oh, this couldn't possibly be worse news... Although if there's any kind of silver lining, it means those kids are still alive, for now, and it certainly narrows down our search."

Misato: "What are you talking about?..."

Lara: "That 'woman' fancies herself the reincarnation of an ancient god! Hard as it might be for you lot to believe, I can't refute that assertion. I've 'killed' her or watch her 'die' no less than five times, including watching her drown in lava! She's come back each and every time!"

Misato: "... Right, pull the other one..."

Lara: "You fight beings made of light that even a nuke can't scratch, and you think a 'woman' can't survive being dunked in lava?"

Ritsuko: "Hate to be the one saying this, but she's got a point there, Major."

Misato: "Okay... maybe she's another Angel in disguise... CRAP."

Ritsuko: "What?"

Misato: "I don't think Kowaru's human. Not entirely..."

Ritsuko: "...No comment."

Lara: "Actually, I can see where this is going, but let's leave the speculation for later. Time is of the essence."

Misato: "Yeah, about that. What makes you think the Children are still alive?"

Lara: "Two reasons. First, Ms. Natla is extremely sadistic and wants me to watch them suffer, helpless to stop it. Since we haven't received video of any kind from her 'organization,' we can presume this hasn't happened, yet."

Misato: "I'm terrified to as to what the second reason is."

Lara: "You should be. The bitch is obsessed with 'kick-starting the evolution of mankind,' even if her attempts doom all life on Earth to extinction in the process. When she sees video of Shinji's and Rei's impressive resistance to the kidnapping, she's going to want a child from the two of them to experiment on, desperately."

Ristuko's eyes open in horror "but Rei..."

Lara: "Is barren? Yeah, Rei hasn't exactly kept that a secret. Of course, Asuka is there and has a fully-functional female anatomy..."

Everyone: "OH SWEET LORD!"

Lara: "Yeah, so I'm going to be 'away' for a while, hitting up Ms. Natla's corporation for clues. In the meantime, I've arranged a plan for Mana to join your crew down at NERV."

Misato: "But the Commander..."

Lara: "Would never allow a mole into the place? He already has at least one, Kowaru. I know he's got transmitters on him sending stuff out. I've intercepted the signals. As for the plan, I'll have Mana explain."

Mana: "Ah, erm. Yes. As I understand it, the plan is to invite Kensuke to the JSSDF base, with him completely unscripted, so his enthusiasm is genuine. Then I'm to present evidence to my superiors that I've won him over with my 'feminine wiles' so they don't doubt my sincerity when I propose letting NERV make use of my TRIDENT vehicle, which only I can pilot, while Lara attempts to retrieve the three kidnapped Children, using the premise of having the pit-crew in NERV HQ as a pretext to have a chance of examining the Eva, up close and personal."

Misato: "Are you sure you should be saying that? And how are you going to provide the proof of your 'silk work?'"

Lara: "It's my plan, Major, and Mana, show them..."

Mana hands over several Polaroid photos to Misato and Ritsuko, clearly embarassed.

Misato: "... Wow... These are quite convincing. You look like you were having fun."

Ritsuko: "Very risque! Yeah, who took them? Kensuke?"

Lara: "That's exactly what happened. If Mana's asked, she can honestly say I interrupted her and kept her from going any further, and that she's never going to get the chance if she's stuck with him in this house, as I sure as hell am not going to let 14-year-olds under my roof engage in that, regardless of marital status. Not even while I'm 'away', and I expect you to enforce those rules in my absence, everyone."

Misato: "...This is very elaborate, Lara-San. Why?..."

Lara: "Well. Two reasons. First, remember everything I heard about NERV when I arrived? The JSSDF makes that account of NERV look positively saintly by comparison! No telling what would happen to dear, sweet Mana if she's sent back empty-handed."

Ritsuko: "I... have seen things that make me doubt anyone would be capable of making NERV look saintly by comparison."

Lara: "Well, those bloody yobs are certainly making a go of it!"

Misato: "And the second reason?"

Lara: "The JSSDF would just send someone else, someone more cunning, crafty, and underhanded. Someone who likely won't have to go through me, and wouldn't be above a bit of sabotage, like cutting the power at base as you're under Angel attack, just to see which systems are priority..."

Misato: "..."

Ristuko: "Oddly specific, and highly plausible, I must admit."

Lara pulls out her cell-phone and dials a number, after a few rings, a husky male voice answers. The following conversation entirely in English:

Zip:"Yo! How can I be of service today?"

Lara: "Zip, I need the latest update of Natla's corporate holdings."

Zip: "Oh, what's she up to this time?"

Lara: "Aside from her usual 'end of the world' stuff? She's teamed up with the Cult of Xian and kidnapped the three children I was tutoring."

Zip: "...YOU MEAN THE EVA PILOTS?!"

Lara: "You got it! Bitch is so smug she gave their superior officer and legal guardian, Major Misato Katsuragi, a recording with her voice on it, completely unaltered.... I'm not even going to mention the humiliation the poor Major was put through in the process."

Zip: "How's she doing? She okay, physically?"

Lara: "Physically? Pretty much unharmed. Mentally? She's beside herself with rage, fear, frustration, and sheer helplessness, but she's a fighter. Point her in the right direction..."

Zip: "Got it. Sending the info to your computer now. Should arrive in a few. You can share it how you like. She coming with?"

Lara: "Much as I want a second gun on this, no can do. The Angels can attack Tokyo-3 at any time, and she's got her plate full keeping them from doing... whatever it is they want to do, because if they win..."

Zip: "We're all toast."

Lara: "Got it. Send me a chopper, fully fueled and ready to go in a moment's notice. Going to hit that bitch, and hard."

Zip: "Like only you can.."

Lara: "Of course. Talk to you later, caio." (Click)

The conversation switches back to Japanse.

Lara: "Okay, Major. In addition to guarding the mansion, I'm going to task you with guarding this." (Hands Misato the Dagger of Xian)

Misato: "Oh, you can bet they're not going to put one over on me again..."

Lara: "Oh, I agree with the sentiment, but.." (Leans in close) "I want them to take the dagger."

Misato: "Erm... WHAT?!"

Lara: "Oh, don't misunderstand, Major. I want you, NERV, and even the JSSDF to seriously put the hurt on them. They won't believe it's the genuine article otherwise."

Misato: "I see where this is going. You've got some way of tracking the dagger..."

Lara: "Exactly. Still. I won't get too upset if you actually repel them blighters, although Shinji, Rei, and Asuka will be made to pay the price then."

Misato: "So we have to 'let' them take the dagger, but we have to 'lose it' convincingly? That..."

Lara: "Yeah, I know that's going to be rather hard. In the meantime, I give you full authority to open any and all packages addressed to me, especially anything that looks like a video-tape, and the clearance to watch it. It would not be good for us to give Ms. Natla the impression that she's being ignored."

Misato: "Got it."

Ristsuko: "Don't worry, Major. I'll be sure to carefully analyze anything we get for forensic evidence. If my efforts can bring those kids back, safe and sound even one minute earlier..."

Misato: "Thanks, Rits. I look forward to it.... Damn IT. I just wish I could have stopped those kids from getting taken way in the first place!"

Lara gently lays her hands on Misato's shoulders. "Not your fault, love. You did everything you could. Now if only we could figure out... and prove... how those bloody yobs were able to get such impeccable timing to literally catch you with your pants down..."

Meanwhile... At NERV HQ.

Gendo: "WHERE ARE THEY?! This cult must be made to answer for this! They... they're stealing away my vengeance!"

Fuyutsuki: "I know, old friend. We'll find them. We'll make them pay. Your speech has gathered the full support of the public, even those JSSDF bastards..."

Gendo: "HAH! As if those morons could be trusted to tie their shoes correctly without aid... Still. I suppose we can find some way to use those arrogant incompetents.."

Fuyutsuki: "Naturally."

At a yet undisclosed location...

Shinji, Asuka, and Rei awaken, bound to tables, at a 45 degree angle, wearing only the most minimal of clothing, surrounded by all sorts of scary-looking equipment and devices. Across from them is a giant color television which is all but impossible to avoid seeing. Soon, it clicks on, and they are greeted by the image of a very well-dressed woman in corporate business atire.

"Morning, pilots. I trust you slept well?"

Asuka: "You've got to be bullshitting me, you..."

(ZAP!!!)

Asuka: "KYAAAA!!!!"

Shinji: "Asuka-san!"

Rei: "Asuka-chan!"

"Now, now, fraulein, language! My name is Jacqueline Natla. I will be your host until such time as NERV or your 'esteemed tutor' Lara Croft and my people come to... an understanding."

Rei: "What is it that you want, Natla-san?"

Natla: "Oh. Polite to a fault, and straight to business eh? I'll get to that in a moment. First, there's some things you must know before we can go any further."

Shinji: "And what are those, Natla-san?"

Natla: "Take a quick look at each other. Do you notice anything missing?"

The pilots do as instructed and start to blush, until Shinji's eyes go wide.

Natla: "That's right. We've taken the liberty of returning all your NERV equipment to your legal guardian, Major Misato Katsuragi, along with a video showing you're alive and well, for the moment, although that could change in a heartbeat, literally, if any of you tries something."

Rei: "Why are you doing this? If we do not stop the Angels..."

Natla: "Hahaha! Don't worry too much about that! Your backers and our organization have already taken that into account. There are already back-up pilots in place..."

Shinji: "Mari Makinami-san and Kowaru-san."

(ZAP!!!)

Shinji: "GWAAARRGGHHH!!!"

Natla: "Don't interrupt, dear. You are correct. Although mankind has been stuck at this evolutionary plateau for thousands if not millions of years, and is not likely to survive the next major event unless we do something drastic. So I don't mind if the Angels win and 'reboot' Earth's evolutionary process in their own image."

Rei: "You are clinically insane!"

The other two pilots cringe, expecting Rei to be electrocuted, but that, surprisingly, does not happen.

Natla: "You are not the first to say such a thing to me, child, and I doubt you'll be the last. You might even be right. Still, EVOLUTION WILL NOT BE STOPPED! The most we can do is 'guide' it, and that is what your backers and I intend! BWAHAHAHAHA! If you're wise, you'd join me..."

Asuka: "Now you sound like the cliché villain from a sentai show!"

Natla: "... I'll let that one pass. After a bit of thought, my lines did sound cooler in my head than when I spoke them aloud. That, and you managed to go an entire sentence without profanity. I'll reward you for that. I must apologize for what you'll experience next, but provocation like this can not go unanswered. Your Commander Gendo Ikari must be made aware of how serious the situation is and how determined we are."

Natla plays the video of Gendo's speech and appeal.

Gendo: "People of Tokyo-3 and the world. I come before you with horrifying news. A terrorist group calling itself 'The Cult of Xian' has launched a cowardly terrorist attack on the Hokkaido hot-springs. We are still counting the casualties, but the saddest part of this is that the three Eva pilots, Shinji Ikari, my own son, Rei Ikari, my daughter-in-law, and Asuka Langley Soryu were all kidnapped while they were in the bath! These despicable cowards attacked while our people were recovering from an Angel battle where the Angel was trying to blast the surrounding area with lava! I ask you all for your aid. Any information as to the Pilots' whereabouts will be greatly appreciated. As for you, 'Cult of Xian', you have harmed NERV personnel, and endangered all of mankind with your cowardice. This will not be tolerated. Return our pilots, immediately, alive and well, and maybe, just maybe, we can come to some kind of peaceful 'understanding'. Provoke us, and you will be shown the TRUE MEANING of helplessness, humiliation, and frustration! I swear upon the name of my dead wife, Yui, that I will not rest until you are all made to answer for what you've done!" (Click)

Natla: "Once again, I must apologize. If you wish to blame someone for what you'll be experiencing in the next few moments, blame your Commander."

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 21:

The Next Day...

As planned, Lara Croft gives Misato a print-out with a map of all Jacqueline Natla's current known offices, the closest of which is in Hong Kong, keeping a copy for herself before heading out to investigate them. Misato is heading to the nearest JSSDF base, run by Admiral Yamamoto, both escorting Mana Kirishima and Kensuke, and officially requesting aid in finding the kidnapped children and staving off the next Angel attack, whenever that might be.

Lara: "Good luck, Major."

Misato: "Likewise. I hope you find the kids...."

Lara: "Say no more, Major, and don't worry, I seriously plan to kick lots of ass in your place."

The two women smile, laugh and shake hands before heading off their separate ways.

Upon arriving at the JSSDF base, Kensuke looks like a kid in a candy shop, pointing at, taking photos, and listing the specs of every military vehicle he sees. Mana is strangely bemused by this, and thinks maybe her orders to "hook up" with Kensuke might not be that bad.

Kensuke: "Wow! An OH-6D, I never thought I'd get to see one, especially in mint condition, considering they were being phased out by the Kawasaki-OH1, after Second Impact!" (Snaps some pictures) "Wow! The self-propelling howitzers, the type 99, and the M110, side by side!" (Snaps some more pictures.) "The M270 MLRS Missile system. I've never dared dream of seeing one up close!" (Snaps a picture.) "Man the others in school are never going to believe that I've been here! Thanks for bringing me along, Major! And for inviting me, Mana-san."

Mana: "Hehe! My pleasure, Kensuke-kun. Ah. We're here."

Soldier: "State your name, affiliation, and purpose of visit, please."

Misato: "Major Misato Katsuragi of NERV Tokyo-3, here to see Admiral Yamato, as per our appointment."

Soldier: "Understood. Why are those children with you?"

Misato: "Per Admiral Yamamoto's request, they are here to help investigate the disappearance of the three Eva pilots, as classmates."

Soldier: "Very good, everything checks out, proceed to his office waiting room, he'll be with you shortly."

None of them have to wait very long, as the Admiral greets them in person as they walk through the door.

Admiral Yamamoto: "Ah, Major. Good to see you again. Hope nothing gets blown up this time...."

Misato: "Likewise, Admiral, though I can't be held accountable for the Angel's actions."

Yamamoto: "Fair enough. I will need to interview these two one at a time, before we conduct our official business, is that alright?"

Misato: "I'll be right out here, waiting patiently until it's my turn."

Yamamoto: "I appreciate your understanding and cooperation, Major. Civilian Kensuke, come with me please."

Kensuke: (Stands up and salutes) "Sir! Yes, Sir!"

Yamamoto: "Hahaha! That's the spirit, son! But be at-ease, you're a civilian at the moment, and don't need to go that far. Follow me, please."

After crossing into the Admiral's office and shutting the door...

Yamamoto: "Now, son. The kidnappers might be after the Eva tech, so what can you tell me about the Evas and NERV. Did the pilots tell you anything?"

Kensuke: "Well, I've got the NERV guide book, Shinji-kun let me borrow with me right here." (Hands it over to the Admiral) "I can't really tell you much about the Eva that isn't already public knowledge since Shinji-kun didn't really know anything about them, but I can tell you that I've been in the cockpit with him once."

Yamamoto's eyes open wide in surprise for a brief moment before he regains his control.

Yamamoto: "You've been in the cockpit? That's very interesting. Did you see or hear anything unusual?"

Kensuke: "Not really, we were a bit busy trying not to get killed by an Angel at the time... OH, I have these close up photos right here of the battle..."(Presents the photos he took at close range which almost got him and Toji killed.)

Yamamoto: "I'll make a few copies and get these back to you." (Gets up and copies them with a color copier and returns them.) "Now as to the cockpit..."

Kensuke: "I really don't understand how it works, but there was a split screen view, similar to a modern surround-sound theater, a seat where the pilot sits and a couple of 'joystick' handles that really don't do anything. I'm not sure how Shinji-kun got the Eva to move the way he wanted.."

Yamamoto: "Thank you, Kensuke-kun. You've been a big help. Dismissed, and send Mana-chan in, please."

Kensuke: (Stands and bows) "Yes, Sir! Thank you, Sir."

Kensuke leaves the office and Mana enters.

Yamamoto: "That boy... is a GOLDMINE of information. I must say your instincts were right on the money. Had we gone with the original plan, we'd have nothing. How did you know he'd been in Eva-01's cockpit?!"

Mana: "I didn't. I just figured that since Shinji-kun was off the table, one of his two friends would have been a good entry point, and since Kensuke-kun wasn't romantically involved..."

Yamamoto: "Makes sense. How close have you gotten to him?"

Mana: "This close, Sir." (Mana proceeds to hand over the rather risque Polaroids Kensuke took of her, wearing nothing but a towel.)

Yamamoto: "HOT DAMN!" (Hands the Polaroids back immediately) "Great work! For the price of a few photos, you've managed to secure our foot in the door." (Proceeds to show Mana the close-ups Kensuke took of Eva-01.) "Keep it up! Have you learned anything else about the Eva from him?"

Mana: "Negative, Sir. I would have gotten closer, but Lara Croft walked in on us.."

Yamamoto: "I see. Well, just stay close to him. Be his girlfriend. If you learn anything from him that's useful..."

Mana: "I understand, Sir. I'll notify you as soon as I can without being discovered."

Yamamoto: "Excellent. If you keep this up, I'll see that your friends get an honorable discharge with full-pension."

Mana: "...Th—thank you, Sir!"

Yamamoto: "Dismissed! Now send the Major in, please."

As Mana leaves, Misato enters the room.

Misato: "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, Sir."

Yamamoto: "At ease, Major. Have a seat. I'm sure there is much we have to discuss."

Misato: "Yes, Sir." (Sits down across from the admiral, on the other side of his desk, while the admiral does the same.) "The truth is, we at NERV formally request all the help you can give us, including your Angel slaying vehicle..."

Admiral: "And where did you get such a fanciful notion..."

Misato provides a list of parts requisitions, deployment orders, technical request assistance forms, and so on.

Misato: "As you are well aware, Admiral, I'm not only in charge of three Evas, and their pilots, whoever that may end up being, but I've been inside Jet Alone, and been in close contact with the CEO of the company that built it. As such, I recognize most of these parts and know what they're for. If you're not building giant 'robots,' what are you building?"

Yamamoto: (Sigh) "Guess we can't hide something that big forever. I take it you're here to officially requisition our equipment?"

Misato: "I'd prefer to avoid doing that. Things would go much smoother between our two branches if you lent us that... vehicle, along with whatever technical personnel might be required to keep it in top form, of your own volition, rather than me simply trying to strong-arm you."

Yamamoto: (Smiling) "This is certainly a much better presentation than what happened when you 'requisitioned' that positron rifle a while back."

Misato: (Bows) "I apologize, Sir. Back then we were far more pressed for time. As it was, we barely managed to complete the mission in time."

Yamamoto: "Raise your head, Major. I don't blame you. I understand you want to do everything in your power to rescue those kids, but your duty to stop the Angels and save us all has you trapped here."

Misato: "Yes, sir."

Yamamoto: "Alright, since this is a formal request for aid, and you're being exceptionally polite, I guess it won't hurt to show you what we got so far. Now what you're going to see is a highly classified prototype. So we're going to have to swear you and Kensuke to secrecy, and of course, no photos, so I'll have to hold his camera while we inspect the … vehicle."

Misato: "Much appreciated, Sir."

True to his word, the Admiral has Kensuke's camera briefly confiscated, and has the boy sign a non-disclosure agreement, where if he says anything to unauthorized personnel, he could be charged with treason.

Upon seeing the TRIDENT, Kensuke lit up like a kid getting precisely what he want for Christmas, and his birthday, combined.

Kensuke: "Oh, oh wow, and I thought the Eva were cool! Is that an M61 Vulcan on the nozzle? What kind of pressure system is being used? Hydraulic or Pneumatic? Those six intakes in the back? Are they jet turbines? Can it FLY?! That cockpit... Is it salvaged from an F-22 interceptor? How do you plan to bypass Angel A-T fields?"

Yamomoto: "Good questions, son, but you're not authorized to hear the answer, not yet."

Kensuke: "What do I have to do?"

Yamomoto: "Though I find it unlikely, you're going to have to pass the Boot Camp training regimen and then sign up to be Mana's subordinate mechanic, following the JSSDF chain of command, without question. Can you do it, son?"

Kensuke: (Glasses shining) "Sir, watch me, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Hahaha! I love that spirit! Private first class, Mana Kirishima!"

Mana: "Yes, Sir!"

Yamomoto: "Starting right now, you are in charge of Ensign Kensuke's training regiment. Do not go easy on him! The two of you are going to live as if you share one skin from now on! You will share everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING! No questions, no objections, is that understood!"

Mana and Kensuke: (Stiff, at attention, and saluting) "Sir! YES, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "OUTSTANDING! Major, the pit crew and the TRIDENT will be shipped to the NERV hangar by the end of the day. As for Private First Class Mana and Ensign Kensuke, with a bit of luck, they'll be up to speed by the end of the week."

Misato: "Thank you, Sir. NERV really appreciates this. So do I."

Yamamoto: "Glad to be of service. Dismissed!"

Despite having her misgivings, Misato leaves Kensuke and Mana at the JSSDF base for Kensuke's requisite boot-camp deep immersion training.

Just when everything was starting to look up, Misato arrives home to find a package waiting for her, addressed to Lara Croft.

The package has Jacqueline Natla's name on it, but was shipped using an American P.O. Box as the "return" address on the label. Since it has warning stickers "Magnetic Media", "Fragile", and "Time-sensitive delivery." Misato comes to the conclusion that it's Natla's ransom video, and takes it to NERV HQ to be reviewed by herself, Ritsuko, and Commander Gendo Ikari.

As she's en route, she calls up Ritsuko to inform her of the situation.

Misato: "Rits. A package just arrived, from you-know-who."

Ritsuko: "Have you watched it yet?"

Misato: "No. I figured it would be best if you, me, and the Commander saw it together. At NERV, where we have a better chance..."

Ritsuko: "Of spotting something?"

Misato: "Correct. Besides, it's something The Commander needs to know, since the life of his son, and best pilot, may well ride on his decision(s)."

Ritsuko: "Right, I'll inform him about it, try to set up an immediate meeting!" (Click)

Upon arriving at NERV HQ, Misato is ushered to Ritsuko's observation room, where everyone watches the video. Everyone winds up horrified by what they're shown. The Commander, sitting down at the provided desk, looks furious, at first glance, but underneath his tented fingers, he's... smirking.

To be continued....

Adhoc vote count started by The Azure Priest on Feb 27, 2018 at 1:29 PM

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[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 22:

It doesn't take long to see how Jacqueline Natla took Gendo's announcement on her video-taped response.

Natla: "Hello, Major Misato Katsuragi, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, and dare I presume, the illustrious Commander of NERV Tokyo-3, the great Gendo Ikari himself? Is Lara Croft around? No? Pity. Probably off searching a ruin somewhere, no doubt, or is she really foolish enough to try to take the fight to me? Doesn't matter anyway. It's a shame she can't see this."

Maya: (Covers her mouth with one hand) "HRRGHKK!"

Natla: "Oh my, could it be the Bridge Bunnies are watching too? Maya was it? You really shouldn't be working that job if you have such a weak stomach!"

Misato: "This... this is a video-tape, right? Can she be watching us, somehow?"

Ritsuko: "... This is a recording, yes."

Misato: "Then how the hell?"

Gendo: "She's toying with us, Major. Somebody fed her intel on us and she's just flaunting it to try and rattle our cage."

The video shows the pilots, and the scene could be taken right out of a slasher movie.

Shinji's face, arms and chest have the skin peeling off as if he's been exposed to second and third degree sunburn.

As for the rest, it's best to say that Ritsuko's initial assessment was only slightly off. Asuka's left arm is badly mangled, not her right, and her abdomen, while appearing more or less intact, is covered with what appear to be bites from a number of very large animals with very large and sharp teeth. Oh, and Rei will need major reconstructive surgery to look normal again.

Natla: "Well, Dr. Akagi, guess nobody's perfect, though then there would be no room to learn and grow! All I wanted was to give sweet little Shinji-kun some privacy to 'pleasure himself' so I could get what I need, but, well, this happened. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Now my dear Commander. If you've got it in your head to retaliate with force of arms, my associates, and yours, have another little surprise for you. They should be arriving any moment now. Toodles!" (End of Video)

Misato: "GHYAAA!!!"(Pounds the desk with her fist) "That BITCH!"

Gendo: "Major. Control your composure. Everyone, RED ALERT! Prepare for insurgents!"

Misato: (Eyes going wide) "Sir, Yes, Sir. Section one, seal entry shafts 1-12 and fill them with Bakelite!"

The base suddenly loses power, communications are cut, the outermost guard gets shrapnel to the back as the doors are blown open, and the Cult of Xian's troops storm in. The infiltration has begun.

Gendo: "Fuyutsuki. Can you reach the JSSDF?"

Fuyutsuki: "I just barely got the call through, sir while we were watching the video. They say they'll be here in ten to fifteen minutes."

Gendo: "Understood. Major, you know what to do."

Misato: (Draws gun and dramatically cocks the chamber, making sure it's loaded properly.) "With pleasure, Sir. I'm in the mood to kill somebody dead, and these clowns just volunteered."

The back up generators to the command center, provided by Lara Croft, kick in 30 seconds later... just in time to sound another alarm.

Ritsuko: "CODE BLUE! It's an Angel, and it's right on top of us!"

Misato: "DAMN IT! It never rains, but it pours! Thank GOD that the pilots were here doing sync tests or they'd never make it here, with the Angel and that army of terrorists out there. What's the status of the pilots and Evas we have on hand?"

Ritsuko: "All Evas are fully-functional, but the pilots..."

Misato: "What?"

Ritsuko: "Eva-00 rejects both of them, and as for their sync, Mari can sync with Eva-02 almost as well as Asuka can, but only gets a 25% with Eva-01. Kowaru... He gets whatever damn sync rating he wants with Eva-02, and can change it at will! With Eva-01... he can't board at all!"

Gendo: "We have no other option. Field the fourth pilot with Eva-01 and the Fifth with Eva-02! After that... Let's hope the JSSDF do their jobs right for once!"

Fuyutsuki : (Whispering to Gendo) "The old men..."

Gendo : (Whispers back) "Yes, the old men."

Meanwhile... Back at the JSSDF base....

Yamamoto: "Ladies, Gentleman, and all you untrained piles of dog-shit! As of this moment, NERV Tokyo-3 is under heavy attack by armed insurgents, the same armed insurgents who snatched those three brats right from under our noses in Hokkaido! We can't confirm any more than that as the bastards have cut off communications between us and NERV. This is our golden opportunity to reclaim our honor and to show those pampered pansies in NERV that we're not just here for decoration!"

The soldiers cheer loudly!

Yamamoto: "Our mandate is to wipe out every last 'Cult of Xian' terrorist we find, WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE! No quarter, no prisoners, no surrender, no mercy. We are fielding everything we've got! MOVE OUT!"

Soldiers: "Sir, YES, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Private first class, Mana Kirishima and Ensign Kensuke Aida. Sorry to cut your basic training short, but you are to deploy in the new TRIDENT prototype, at once, AND TAKE POINT! While we have yet to field test it against ANGELS, the TRIDENT should dominate against any and all opposition we encounter, unless the enemy has somehow acquired N2 mines, and even then, grants us the best chance of survival. MAKE US PROUD!"

While Kensuke responds with unbridled enthusiasm, Mana is not quite as eager.

Mana and Kensuke : "SIR! Yes, SIR!"

Once in the cockpit, Kensuke strives to find out why Mana is so... reluctant.

Kensuke: "Mana-san, what's wrong? Not sleep well?"

Mana: "No, it's not that..."

Kensuke: "Then why.."

Mana: "Why I'm less than enthusiastic to be here in the cockpit?"

Kensuka: "Yeah."

Mana: (Sigh) "Me, and two others, Musashi and Keita, were SOLD to the JSSDF to be the prototype pilots. Not only that, but our 'honorable' parents still demand a part of our pay 'for filial piety,' which is automatically deducted from our checks, we can't resign, and above everything else, the Japanese government is clearly not our ally, happily turning a blind eye and deaf ear to any complaints we may have."

Kensuke: "Geesh!"

Mana: "Yeah, I do my duty, but don't expect me to like it."

Kensuke: "I don't know what I can do, but just ask..."

Mana: "Even if you don't mean it, thanks. Still, Tokyo-3 should be coming into focus.. ANGEL SIGHTED!" (Picks up the radio) "King-fisher one to command, King-fisher one to command. Strategic Hostile detected on approach vector to rendezvous point! Please advise!"

Yamamoto: "STRATEGIC LEVEL?! There's an Angel present?"

Mana : "Affirmative. It looks like some sort of giant spider... and seems to be doing our job for us, in part. It's attacking the enemy with some kind of corrosive coming out of its legs, and dripping down from its belly. Doesn't seem to have noticed me, yet.."

Kensuke: "Watch out!"

The Angel launches a high-speed jet of corrosive liquid straight at the TRIDENT, and it took all Mana could muster to avoid it.

Mana: "Thanks for the warning, copilot! King-fisher one to Command. The Angel has spotted me and has me both out-ranged and outgunned! I can barely dodge the attacks at this distance!"

Yamamoto: "Understood. Is there any effective cover?"

Mana: "Negative! Whatever it's shooting blasts right through the nearby buildings! I can't get close like this!"

Yamamoto: "Understood! We'll try to draw its attention... BLAST! Incoming enemy! Sorry, pilot. We're pinned. We'll try to break through as soon as we can."

Mana: "Roger. King-fisher one, over and out!" (Puts down the radio) "Now what are we going to do? We can't fly, just some short jumps, and that's not enough to close the distance."

Kensuke: "Not by itself, no..."

Mana: "What are you thinking?"

Kensuke: "How about we use the ammunition 'gifts' these cultists brought for us?" (Points at the Cult of Xian helicopters bearing down on the JSSDF, all sporting high-yield long-range missiles.)

Mana : "Use one enemy on another... NICE! Let's go grab that high-yield ammo that the cult has so graciously provided! " (Picks up radio) "Command, this is King-fisher one, we may have a solution. Please concentrate your fire on the ground forces, and leave the airborne units to us!"

Yamamoto: "Are you sure?! But the Angel..."

Mana : "Is currently occupied. We have a … plan, or at least the rough outline of one, but we need those airborne units."

Yamamoto: "Alright, not like we have a choice. All troops! Fall back!"

Inside the combat helicopters controlled by cultists... "HA! Look at those cowardly Japs run! All that gear and they run at the slightest resistance!"

"Um, boss..."

"What? Don't spoil my moment!"

(SLAM!)

"What the..."

"BOSS!!!"

Everyone aboard: "YAAAAHHHH!!!!" (CRASH!) (BOOOM!)

Yeah, Mana and Kensuke, aboard the TRIDENT have taken up the "plan" of simply catching and throwing the heavily armed helicopters at the Angel.

Yamamoto: "Hahahaha! Enlisting that boy is paying off already! 'Simplicity is the hallmark of wisdom' indeed. Everyone, be ready to mobilize the moment those brats clear the way!"

JSSDF: "Sir! Yes, SIR!"

It's not long before the cultists catch on and start surrounding the TRIDENT.

Mana: "It was a good idea while it lasted..."

Kensuke: (adjusts glasses) "That was just phase one. Now we run to the Angel."

Mana: "Run towards the Angel?! We won't be able to dodge!"

Kensuke: "We don't have to."

Mana: ".... OH!"

With all their focus on the TRIDENT, the enemy helicopters never notice they're getting dangerously close to the Angel until the Angel starts spraying them with its corrosive liquid. By then, The TRIDENT is within grappling distance, and grabs the closest "legs," directing the spray at the enemy helicopters until they're all gone, frying quite a few of them as they try to fly away, and then rips those legs off, ending the threat.

Kensuke: "No A-T Field? BONUS! Now's a good time to use that Vulcan mini-gun!"

Mana: "Don't have to tell me twice!"

The heavy machine gun fires, and all shots hit, but there's no penetration.

Kensuke: "Don't tell me... to make up for a lack of an A-T field, this Angel has extra heavy-armor?"

Mana: "We have to attack from directly above! King-fisher one to Command! We need air support!"

Yamamoto: "Negative on air support, King-fisher one! It's too hot. You had a helicopter screen to get to that Angel, and it still has six legs to shoot us with!"

Mana: "Damn It!"

Kensuke: "How about we flip the Angel over?"

Mana: "No good! The Angel will just spray acid... or whatever the hell that is, while flailing around randomly until it figures a way to right itself, and THEN it'll get mad."

Angel: "SKREEE!!!"

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 23:


Kensuke: "Then we should tear the rest of its legs off..."

Mana: "Oh, I don't think it's going to let us do that."


The Angel starts trying to step on and stab the TRIDENT with its six sharp legs, presumably giving up any attempt to use its corrosive spray, even though the corrosive from its belly continues to flow.

Eventually, the Angel does manage to completely encircle the TRIDENT with four of its remaining six legs, while the remaining two, from the Angel's rear, aim straight at the cockpit, and the Angel's belly starts drooling its corrosive liquid directly above.

Kensuke: "Oh CRAP!"

Mana: "Took the words out of my mouth. Nobody can say we didn't give it our all..."

Kensuke gently touches her shoulder. "Yeah. It may not have been long, but I'm glad I met you..."

Mari: "Now don't go giving up just yet, you two lovebirds! Help has arrived!"

Kowaru: "Indeed. Your plan to rip off its legs is sound."

Eva 01 and Eva 02 appear on the left and right, respectively, and rip off two legs each. This naturally causes the Angel to lose its balance and fall, which Mana barely avoids by jumping backwards.

Angel: "SKREE! SKRREEYYY!!! SKKKRRRREEEEEE!@@@@!!!"

Mari: "Just to make sure, Kowaru-chan!"

Kowaru: "Roger."

The two remaining legs are ripped off.

Mana: "Kingfisher one to command! The target's defenses are down! Repeat, the A-A defenses are down! Requesting air support!"

Yamamoto: "Acknowledged! Take cover! Initiating fuel-bomb drop!"

Mana: "Everyone, take cover!"

A jet drops the largest non-nuclear weapon ever designed by man right on top of the Angel, later identified as Matarael, and with a thunderous explosion, cracks right through its armor, killing it handliy.

All this time, the cult has not been idle. The troops storming NERV HQ have racked up an amazingly high body-count of NERV personnel, set up lots of booby traps and took hours to fully flush out and exterminate leaving a massive amount of JSSDF casualties in their wake. Even then, once communications are restored, thanks to the hard work of JSSDF engineers, the attack on NERV proved to be only the tip of the iceberg in the cult's assault.

NERV didn't lose power and communications because of sabotage; the Cult of Xian had attacked the nearest power plant and , killing all the workers inside, and then blew it up. Lara Croft's mansion was raided and destroyed. Only the Tokyo-3 school was spared, and then, only because the JSSDF somehow got wind of the incoming attack in time, and barely managed to fend them off.

Gendo Ikari, and the top brass of NERV meet with Admiral Yamamoto of the JSSDF, and attempt to contact Lara Croft.

Gendo: "This is both an unmitigated disaster and an act of war!"

Yamamoto: "I must agree! This can not be allowed to stand unchallenged."

Misato: "Damn! If only we knew where the rat's nest is so we could strike back!"

Ritsuko: "Hello! Lara Croft! Thank god we managed to get through! Where are you?"

Lara: "Here in Hong Kong, the local Natla corp rep tried playing dumb. When he saw that didn't work, he tried using his 'security' goons on me. After seeing that that only served to piss me off, then he, too late to save his sorry hide, tried begging for mercy and still offered little to no help finding the kids."

Misato: "I wish I could say things were better here, but well, I'd be lying. Your mansion was raided and destroyed. NERV was hit, hard; those cultists have openly declared full-out war on the country. The local power plant was destroyed, after all the techs were slaughtered. Ditto that for the nearest communications facility."

Yamamoto: "The local high-school was targeted as well, though we did manage to stop that... by sheer luck."

Lara: "...Bloody bollocks wanker yobs, (bunch of untranslatable British expletives) is there some kind of contest going on to see who's the biggest raging Arse? … Wait, my mansion was raided and destroyed?"

Misato: "Yeah.. I'm sorry..."

Yamamoto: "Judging by their gear, they're getting support from the DPRK..."

Lara: ".. NORTH KOREA?! How the bloody hell did those wankers get the logistics to strike that hard, that far away from their base?"

Gendo: "Does anyone else have some leads? Something solid?"

Ritsuko: "Considering what Ms. Natla shared with us earlier, she must be using some kind of advanced medical equipment, medical equipment on par with a NERV facility, there's only one supplier for such tech."

Gendo's eyes open wide. "I see. Fuyutsuki. Can you pull up the logs on the purchase, delivery and acquisition of.."

Maya: "Already got it, Commander. I queried the MAGI computers and they pulled up the list."

Ritsuko: "Maya..."

Maya: "Yeah, no way I'm letting those kids go through... that any longer than I have to!"

Gendo: "Good work."

Lara: "...The blighters are headed in the direction of the DPRK at high-speeds! We have target confirmation! Heading there now!"

Gendo: "We're sending aid your way. Eva-scale! Be prepared for the arrival of Eva-00."

Misato: "Commander, but..."

Gendo: "I'm sure 'Rea' will be glad to help, once she understands.."

Misato: "Got it! Rits!"

Ritsuko: "Understood. We'll get that water-combat gear ready again."

Yamamoto: "Wait, you have another pilot already? Why didn't..."

Gendo: "Not exactly. Let's just say Eva-00 is best to field in this situation."

Some time later, down in the Eva labs...

Rea: "Where is onii-chan? What is going on? I heard a lot of shouting and scary noises..."

Misato: "Shinj-kun is in trouble. Some bad, bad people have taken him away, and we need your help!"

Rea: "...Onii-chan!"

Ritsuko: "We're fitting you with the water-combat gear so you can go save him,... Rea-chan."

Rea: "... I still don't like you, obaa-san, but... thank you."

Ritsuko: "Obaa-san?!" (Vein pops out on her forehead) "Well, I suppose that's better than 'mean-old-hag'. Still, once we learn where he is, we'll send you there so you can stop the 'bad people'."

Rea: "Hee hee!"

Misato: "I don't know if I should be relieved or worried that 'Rea' is giddy at the prospect of wrecking havoc."

Ritsuko: "At least it's directed at our enemies. Be grateful for that."

Lara Croft is in a shady port of North Korea, having stowed away on a Chinese transport smuggling weapons there....

Lara: "Okay, Zip. Tell me what you got."

Zip: "Satellite scan confirms what Major Misato told you. The Tokyo-3 mansion was utterly destroyed, but not before the dagger of Xian was taken. Its unique energy signature is definitely in the DPRK... In Pyongyang... Near 'The Great Leader' Kim Yung Un himself!"

Lara: "Bollocks! As if this tin-pot regime doesn't give the world enough diplomatic headaches!"

Zip: "Got a call from the Major as well. Going from the equipment Ms. Natla is using, NERV suspects one of three facilities holds The Children. You're going to have to move fast. Now that They've got the dagger..."

Lara: "Yeah, they don't need the kids anymore. That bitch could sell, rent, or violate them in all sorts of unspeakable ways... or simply grow bored and dispose of them."

Zip: "Yeah, as 'the great leader' and his 'family' have a rather sordid history."

Lara: "Screw subtlety then. Time to go on the offense!"

She blasts her way out of the dock on the motorcycle she smuggled in with her, heading to the facility closest to the Kim family castle, the most likely location.

At the facility in question... The following conversation takes place in Korean.

Natla: "Per your request, Great Leader, here is the 'merchandise' you wanted to peruse."

Un: "Hmph. They do not look like much. Are these really the 'mighty Angel slayers of NERV, Tokyo-3?' They're just runts! And badly beat up at that!"

Natla: "Of course, that's what they are, outside of their almighty Eva war-machines. Sadly, the goods were a bit … damaged in the collection and extraction process, which is why we're giving you a discount."

Un: "They, and that other item, had better deliver on the promises you've made about granting me the glory and godhood that is rightfully mine that I might have righteous vengeance against all those countries who dare mock me, especially those arrogant Americans!"

Natla: "Naturally. That 'other item' should arrive any moment now."

Un: "I still find it strange to believe that stabbing a dagger into my own chest will make me unstoppable..."

Natla: "Of course, which is why I showed you the video of the last time it was used. You have to admit, it was an impressive show."

Un: "Yes, but if he was so great, why did he lose the dagger to some bimbo!"

Natla: "Because he wasn't a true warrior, like you. He was just a coward who loved to boast while his men did all the work. So when he had to fight for himself..."

Un: "He lost. I see, just like those relatives who tried to sell me out for a quick promotion!"

Natla: "Oh, yes. The ends they met were very fitting for their cowardice. Fed alive to feral dogs, gassed in a train-station with their accomplices, placed before a firing squad.. All too lenient!"

Un: "Hahahaha! Yes, YES! I will have the means that my father lacked to complete his vision! I WILL BATHE THE WORLD IN A SEA OF FIRE! DIE ALL YOU OTHER COUNTRIES JEALOUS OF KOREA'S WEALTH, AND THE COUNTRY WILL BE WHOLE AGAIN!"

Both: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAA!"

Un: "Very well. As agreed, here is the down-payment for the pilots. The rest will be provided once the dagger is delivered and proven effective."

Natla: (Takes the briefcase presented by Kim Yung Un's bodyguard.) "Pleasure doing business with you, Great Leader. If you'll excuse me, I am needed elsewhere by my subordinates."

Un: "I grant you leave. Go. Do not return without the dagger."

As Jacqueline Natla leaves the room.

Un: "Prepare the tools. We shall convince these brats about the 'glory' of True Korea, or they will die."

Bodyguard A: "Of course."

Bodyguard B: "The scorpions, the antidote, and everything you requested."

Un: "Good. I have a meeting with my 'advisers' that can not wait. We shall begin when I return. For the meantime, make sure they're secured, and properly prepared."

Bodyguards: "Sir. Yes, Sir!"

Once Kim Yung Un leaves the room...

Bodyguard A: "I don't think he'd mind if we had a bit of fun with them."

Bodyguard B: "No way, man. He fed his uncle to a pack of rabid dogs for going against him!"

(In Japanese)

Shinji: "What's going on?"

Rei: "We've been sold to Kim Yung Un, and they're going to 'condition' us to serve his regime."

Asuka: "Then we've got to get out of here first."

To be continued....

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 24:


Knowing time is of the essence, Lara doesn't even bother with stealth and subtlety. She heads full bore on what passes for roads in the DPRK straight to the Kim estate, where the Dagger of Xian is held. Either she uses the dagger as leverage to secure the release of the Children, or she frees them and then deals with whoever is arrogant and foolish enough to actually use the dagger.

This is her specialty as is shown in all the video-games based on her exploits. This winds up drawing the attention of the entire DPRK army, and proves to be the right decision as she unknowingly gives The Children a fighting chance of escaping on their own, a chance they don't let slip by.

Body-guard A: "The Great Leader is calling us? But..."

Body-guard B: "No buts, unless you WANT him mad at you..."

Body-guard A: (Goes pale in terror) "Nuh-huh! No way! What about them?"

Body-guard B: "Are they tied down? Yes? They're not going anywhere. We can 'toy' with them later!"

Asuka: "They're leaving? Wha?"

Rei: "Seems they got called away elsewhere, urgently."

Shinji: "It's not like we're going anywhere..."

Rei: "On the contrary, this might be our only chance..."

Asuka: "Wondergirl, we're still tied down, my left arm and right eye are shot, Shinji-kun is one giant head-to-toe sunburn, you're not exactly in the best of shape either, and these alleged clothes..."

Rei: "... What I'm about to do next is something I was ordered not to do except under the most dire of circumstances, and will reveal to both of you some very, very classified stuff. Not to mention I have no idea what the long-term side-effects are going to be. I am sorry if this offends or terrifies you."

Shinji: "What... are you going to do?"

Rei: "This."

She closes her eyes, and projects an A-T field replica of herself. This is something she's actually done before on several occasions, but only for a fleeting moment, and then, just out of sight of whoever or whatever she wanted to look at. The first known instance was when Shinji was waiting for Misato. Shinji spots her, turns to see Misato approach, and turns back only to see she had disappeared without a trace.

This time, the projection picks up the glass case of scorpions, carries it to the door and throws it out. Almost immediately after the case shatters, the DPRK soldiers standing watch outside can be heard screaming as the scorpions sting them to death, and keep right on stinging.

Rei's projection returns to the table holding her body down, and she sets herself free before dispersing the projection, and freeing the others.

Asuka: (Whistles) "Now that is one hell of a trump card!"

Shinji: "What... are you?"

Rei: (Gently taps his forehead with a fist.) "Your wife, silly. We don't have much time. Assuming we get out of this, I will explain everything later."

Asuka :"Well, you've certainly earned the title 'Wondergirl' Rei-chan, but how are we going to get out of here, the doorway..."

Rei points upwards. "Air ducts. Sorry, dear, I know that's going to hurt, but..."

Shinji: "Crawling on hands and knees through an airduct while sporting full-body sunburn vs. being stung by scorpions and then given the antidote, for starters, to break me? I think I'll go with the crawling..."

Rei: "Nice sentiment, but..."

Rei leads them back to the doors, grabs the guards by their boots and drags them in while the scorpions scatter.

Rei: "It would probably be better if you at least wore pants."

A few minutes later, after stripping the now dead soldiers, and changing into the uniforms, Rei, Asuka, and Shinji begin making their way through the large, obsolete air-duct system being used to circulate air in the building. While it is slow going for Shinji, it is especially so for Asuka as her left arm, now in a makeshift sling, is basically useless.

Rei: "Are the two of you alright?"

Shinji: "I'll live.. I think. Asuka-chan?"

Asuka: "Don't call me 'chan' now, Third. Wondergirl and you did a damn fine job of patching me up, I'll grant you that, but... Got-damn! I HATE being useless.... Those fuckers at NERV Berlin never missed an opportunity to berate me for 'slacking off', ie, being a child. Kaji was the only one even remotely nice to me, and then in the 'oh what a cute kid' sort of way."

Shinji: "...Small wonder you had a crush, Asuka-san..."

Asuka: "...That's all past now. So what's the game plan, Rei-san? We can't hide in here forever, and if we move carelessly, not only will they hear us, they'll shot up the duct to get at us."

Rei: "To the roof, if we can. We need to get our bearings, get the layout of our current position, and try to grasp the patrol routes of the guards before we make a decision on our next course of action... Also..."

Shinji: "If there's helicopters up there, we can't fly them, but we can hide in one..."

Asuka: "Then when the pilot(s) show up, we can make them take us where we want to go!"

Rei: "Not much of a plan, I admit, but it's better than nothing."

As Rei, Asuka, and Shinji continue to go through the ducts, the Kim regime is not taking Lara's actions well...

Kim: "What do you mean you can't stop her, she's just one woman! A bimbo grave-robber! Gah! And you call yourselves the pride of the DPRK?!" (Shoots the messenger in the head.) "Worthless idiots! Where is that Natla woman. I want that dagger, NOW!"

Natla: (Just walks in the door with the dagger in hand) "Here it is, Great Leader, as promised..."

Kim: (Points his gun at Natla) "Prove it works, then you get paid..."

Natla: (Smirks like she's just thinking about the funniest joke she ever heard.) "As you wish, Rocket boy!" (Stabs Kim Yung Un in the chest.)

Kim: "Cough! Bitch! What have you done?!"

Natla kills everyone else in the room before they can even blink. "Why, just as you ordered, you fat loon! I'm demonstrating the dagger to you! I'll be helping myself then."

As Natla gathers up the briefcase full of Won, Kim Yung Un is painfully transforming into a dragon.

Kim : "GHYHAAAAHHHAAAAA!!! <<<ROOOAAAAARRR!!!>>>"

Natla : "Ooh, that was even faster than last time! Guess his ego's really that big!"

The room is too small and the floor can't accommodate that much weight. As such, Kim Yung Un falls through the floor, roaring dragon's breath on the way down.

She is completely unfazed.

Natla: "Oh please, you big baby! You're even worse than The Children. At least they put up a decent fight and didn't whine when they lost. Well, time to go, blowhard. Toodles!"

Jacqueline Natla begins heading towards the roof, and her private helicopter, unaware that the kids she just derided are also on the way there.

The Children, using the ducts, arrive at the roof just a little bit after Jacqueline Natla does. Considering that Shinji has skin that's painfully peeling and blistering everywhere, including the palms of his hands, and Asuka can't even use her left arm, this is an astonishing feat. What follows is the conversation, as translated by Rei, who happens to be well-versed in Korean for some reason.

Random Guard: "Who goes there?! Identify yourself!"

Natla: "It's me, your boss's primary supplier! I'm here to request a ride back to my facilities, under the orders of 'the Great Leader.'"

Guard: "Why is he not with you?"

Natla: "Oh, he decided to peruse his 'merchandise' right away. I shouldn't need to tell you what that means."

Guards: "Hahahaha! Still, we need to radio in for verification..."

Natla: "Is that really necessary? How many times have I come and gone from this place already?"

Guard: "Standing orders. You know how 'The Great Leader' is..."

Natla: (Sigh) "Of course I do..."

ROOOAAAAARR!!!!

Guards: "What's that?!"

Natla: "THAT would be 'The Great Leader' now."

Guards: "The hell you say?! You said..."

Natla: "Ah! Guess you were thinking of the wrong 'merchandise'. He's demonstrating his shiny new Dagger of Xian now, not perusing... something, or should I say someone else! If I were you, I'd run for the hills while the running's good. Because... well, you know how 'The Great Leader' is..."

Guards: "You betrayed us!"

Natla: (Sigh) "And here I was hoping I could get by you without violence..."

RRRRROOOOAAAAARRRR!!!!!!!

The building trembles from heavy impacts, as the dragon that once was "The Great Leader" attempts to smash his way out.

Natla: "Not much time, fellows. Do you really want to be here when your boss breaks through the walls and starts looking for 'traitors'? Hmm?" (In Japanese) "And that goes double for you, kids. Yes, I know you're here and watching. I must say, you breaking out and heading to the roof was pretty damn impressive. It was also your best tactical option. Well done! I know you have no reason to trust me, but you can either come with me, or you can take your chances here..."

Suddenly a tank blows open the door to the complex and coming through a megaphone is a very welcome voice, in English.

Lara: "NATLA! YOU BITCH! WHERE ARE THE CHILDREN?!"

Natla: "And your guardian is here... Hmm. I suppose it would serve us all best if you go with her..."

(CRASH) RRRRROOOOAAAAARRRR!!!!!! SNORT!!!

Natla: "And here comes 'The Great Leader' now. Honestly, what a cluster-fuck!"

The Children briefly consider getting the hell out of dodge with Jacqueline Natla on a helicopter, despite knowing how untrustworthy she is... but that option is soon taken out of their hands when the dragon flies up to the rooftop of the now seriously compromised building and breathes fire down on everyone, the kids escaping the worst of it by closing the vent cover of the duct they're in. While they can't see anything, they can still hear what's going on.

Natla: (Translated by Rei) "Now see here, you bloated backwater tin-pot tyrant! I've been dunked in lava! Did you think a little camp-fire would hurt me? All you accomplished was killing your own men, burning off my Armani suit, destroying my money, and seriously pissing me off! Despite your delusions of grandeur, you braggart, you are clearly NOT worthy of that dagger! Since you took my money, I'm going to take your dagger!"

In a few moments, a massive thud hits the roof, destroying what little of the building's structural integrity remains, causing the whole thing to fall. A clawed hand rips through the vent, grabs the Children, and drags them out.

The children look up to see Jacqueline Natla, in her "true" form. She's got large horns atop her head, exceptionally long finger-nails, and toe-nails as sharp and daggers, not to mention bat-like wings, … and not one stitch of clothing, though the situation is far too dire to consider that particular tidbit of info.

Natla: "No time to admire the view, brats. Ah. I was hoping to avoid doing this, seeing as my faithful are now extinct, but oh well. Know that you are about to enjoy the privilege of being the first to witness my true form in thousands of years! BEHOLD THE MIGHT OF QUETZALCOATL!"

Jacqueline Natla stabs herself in the heart with the dagger and assumes the form of the infamous Aztec god, Quetzalcoatl, the winged serpent. Grasping the three of them in one mighty claw, Quetzalcoatl takes The Children off the roof of the collapsing building and lands with them right in front of Lara Croft and her commandeered tank.

Quetzalcoatl: "Know that you and your guardian shall be the first people who have earned the honor of being devoured by me! Be grateful!"

Lara tries to stop her with the tank's main weapon and the mounted machine gun, to no avail. All this does is serve to annoy Quetzalcoatl.

Quetzalcoatl: "Wait your turn! Though they are not yet fully ripened, these brats are more worthy of the honor than you!"

Quetzalcoatl flips the tank over, pinning Lara inside. Lara manages to cut her way free with Excalibur, which she somehow fit in her backpack, but all this serves to do is get herself swat aside by Quetzalcoatl's claw. As the flying serpent begins licking The Children, savoring its meal, along comes unexpected rescue!

Eva-00: "Get your hands off of Shinji-Oniichan!"

One quick sucker-punch later, and Quetzalcoatl is on the other side of the compound, the three pilots literally in good hands.

Now as to how Eva-00 managed to make it here, we need to go back in time a little while... Back at NERV HQ...

Misato: "I can't just sit here doing nothing, fretting and wringing my hands waiting and hoping they're alright!"

Ritsuko: "I know. I get it. But getting this gear on is all we can do right now. We have no pilots that 'Rea' will even accept in the cockpit!"

Misato: "Damn it! I get it, but still..."

Rea: "Do you want to help Onii-san, Misato-san?"

Misato: "Of course I do!"

Rea: "... Alright! Get in!"

Ritsuko: "Are... are you sure? But..."

Misato: "Hand me a pair of those neural links, Rits."

Ritsuko: "But they're specifically tailored to each pilot! And you were already a teen at Second Impact..."

Misato: "I was at GROUND ZERO for Second Impact!... Why didn't I think of this before?! I should have been tested for Eva compatibility if 'exposure to Second Impact causes changes to the genome' or whatever..."

Ritsuko: ".... I wondered about that myself, repeatedly.... Alright, try Asuka's neural interface. She's the closest in ability and mindset to you, far as I can tell."

Misato: "Thanks, Rits."

Ritsuko: "Remember, this is just a sync test. The slightest thing goes wrong, and I'm remote ejecting the entry plug!"

Misato: "Understood."

After being put through the same treatment the pilots went through during their initial cross-sync tests, ie, triple-washed, squeaky clean, and naked as jaybirds, Misato is loaded into Eva-00's entry plug.

Ritsuko: "Neural links confirmed. Crossing border-line.... Sync rate... 100%!"

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 25:


Ritsuko: "100%! Something's wrong! Abort the..."

Eva-00: "Oh, Rits, you worry too much..." (Looks at her hands and feet) "Oh... wow! So this is what an Eva feels like?! It's so... amazing! I wonder why the kids hate it so much!"

Ritsuko: "Oh, I don't know. Massive energy beam to the chest, getting arms crushed and ripped off, massive spikes to the head through the eye... Any of that ring a bell?"

Misato (As Eva-00): "Okay, okay. I get your point. Geesh!"

Rea (As Misato over the Eva transmitter) "Oooh! Oh... There's a big owie here... Is that why...?"

If Eva-00 could blush, it would be a nice shade of crimson right now.

Misato: "...Yeah! So... leave them alone, okay?"

Rea: "Okay, Auntie!!"

Ritsuko: "They... they've switched bodies... Just when I thought running the Eva end of NERV couldn't get any weirder. Major, can … you switch back? I'd hate to have to answer to a 'you' with the mind of a four-year-old..."

Misato: "... I'll try... Rea, sweetie? Can you give me back my body?"

Rea: "Don't wanna!"

Misato: "...Rea?"

Rea: "Don't wanna go back there! It's dark, scary, and I'm all alone!"

Misato: "We can't get you out if you're stuck in my body..."

Rea: "You... you'll get me out?!"

Misato: "Wouldn't Shinji-onii-chan be surprised and thrilled to finally meet you?"

Rea: "REALLY?!"

Misato: "Rits..."

Ritsuko: "We've been trying for years... Alright I promise that if we can figure it out, we'll get you out of there, Rea, and in the arms of your big Shinji-onii-chan!"

Rea: "YEAH!!!"

Eva-00 shuts down, and Misato's ejected. She barely gets her head out of the entry-plug before she collapses again.

Ritsuko: "Major! Misato! Hang in there, MISATO!"

Misato: "Stop shouting, ow! I feel almost human with a bit of a headache... okay, make that ALOT of a headache! Can I get some clothes before I step out of here?"

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "Sure thing, Major. Oh, and as for that promise, I don't know if we can deliver, but I sure as hell am going to try. We finally got Eva-00 to stop being mad at me. I don't want it to go trying to kill me again!"

Misato: "Yeah. Sounds like a plan..."

Ritsuko: "In the mean time, let's get you measured for a nice plug-suit, and some neural links tuned to you, specifically, so the feedback isn't so massive... hmm?"

Misato: "Yeah, yeah. Feels like I've been on the mother of all benders last night, except I didn't get to enjoy the buzz! Or worse, don't remember it... OW! Can I..."

Ritsuko: "Don't even bother asking, The Commander's orders still stand."

Misato: "Pooh!"

While the rest of NERV's R&D staff gets Eva-00 in the water-combat gear, Ritsuko gets Misato into her own smoking, skin-tight, cherry-red plug-suit with matching hair-clips that are the Eva interface.

Kaji: "I must say, red is certainly your color, Major Misato Katsuragi."

Misato: "Inspector Kaji! What the hell are you doing here?!"

Ritsuko: "I invited him."

Misato: "Rits..."

While Misato's distracted, Kaji moves in and gives her a nice, slow, and passionate kiss.

Kaji: "Bring those kids back safe. Not for their sake but for yours..."

Misato: (Weeping) "...Kaji... I'm so sorry. I never..."

Kaji: "I know. You just weren't ready. I'm cool with that. I still love you. If you want to pick up where we left off..."

Misato: "...Yeah! Let's get back to working on getting kids of our own!"

Kaji: "Deal!"

Ritsuko: "Is that all you two ever think about when you're together..."(Remembers how they locked themselves in Misato's apartment for a week back in college, doing nothing but the horizontal mamba the whole time.) "Don't answer that. Still, if you're thinking about cranking out kids, it would probably be a good idea to put a ring on it first... Unless you want a certain threesome to have a leg to stand on when they call you 'immature'."

Misato: "Okay, okay! IF we can get hitched, we'll make plans. Sound good?"

Maya: "Eva-00 is all set to go! The water evac system is primed for launch any time!"

Ritsuko: "That's your cue, Major. Time to get going! I'll hold you two to it!"

Misato: "Fair enough! Rea, you ready?!"

Rea: "YEAH! Let's save Onii-chan!"

After Misato boards the entry-plug, and gets inserted into Eva-00...

Maya: "Sync rate... 90% and stable! LAUNCH!!!"

Soon afterwards, Gendo's having a meeting with SEELE...

Khil: "What is this about, Ikari? What are you thinking launching Eva-00 towards North Korea?"

SEELE US: "Yeah, as if we don't have enough diplomatic headaches with that country already."

SEELE CHINA: "Yeah, and we'd rather not have that bloated tyrant come running over to hide behind our skirts to go drive you off... again..."

Gendo: "Gentlemen, I'm doing you a favor."

SEELE EVERYONE: "HAHAHAHA! That's rich, considering you lead the JSSDF here to just outside this chamber..."

Gendo: "On that, you're mistaken. I didn't lead them here, THEY led ME!"

The SEELE chamber falls into silence at the implications.

Gendo: "Now, I acquiesced to your ridiculous DEMAND that I bring Dr. Ritsuko Akagi here and have her testify in front of you completely naked because you had me by the short hairs, as the Americans are fond of saying, but now I'm the only thing between you and the rightfully pissed off JSSDF..."

Kihl: "Rubbish, Ikari! Know your place. You have no legal standing to threaten us with military force..."

Gendo: "Now, if only NERV was attacked by the 'Cult of Xian' I might have to grit my teeth and bear it, but that is clearly not the case. This 'cult' also attacked numerous Japanese military and civilian assets. Our civilian main power plant was invaded, the personnel slaughtered, and the plant itself completely destroyed. The local high-school, in which is located the pool of prospective pilots, as you are all well aware, was also attacked, though that attack was thankfully repelled. The JSSDF were also afflicted with heavy casualties. There is also the incident in Hokkaido...While I am aware that human life means nothing against the 'merits' of Instrumentality, these actions by the cult do trigger the Mutual Defense Treaty signed by all the sovereign nations you represent, every last one of them, in both letter and spirit. Refusing the demands of the nation of Japan carelessly will give the soldiers outside more than sufficient casus belli to storm in here, guns blazing."

Kihl: "What do you want, Ikari?"

Gendo: "Want? What I want, 'gentlemen', and I use the term in the loosest possible interpretation, is to have my wife back, who I know you have all been threatening for years, before her 'accident', or barring that, seeing you all dead, face-down, drowned in a pool of your own blood. Since we all know that is not going to happen, perhaps we should discuss what I need instead, hmm?"

Kihl: "...What do you need then, Mr. Ikari?"

Gendo: "Thank you, Chairman Kihl. There are several things I need from all of you. I've brought a list." (Unwraps the list he's prepared and reads it aloud.)

1. Immediately cease and desist all operations that directly or indirectly hamper, subvert, or outright sabotage NERV activities in Tokyo-3. Now while a certain amount of oversight is both expected and justified, what has occurred so far with the attempts at micromanaging every aspect of daily life in Tokyo-3 and "punishing disobedience" is beyond the pale, especially in regards to the Fifth Child, who we all know is not only less than 100% human, but clearly has numerous implants in his brain which defy analysis, and can not be safely removed.
   
   
2. Replace and compensate all the NERV personnel that were recently lost as a direct result of the attack upon NERV HQ by the Cult of Xian, who clearly got intel on our location and organization thanks to a leak of classified data, which we confirmed from their corpses. All the data found on the Cult insurgents had the markings of the Human Instrumentality Committee. Which means YOU. We prefer that the replacement personnel do not in any way attempt to engage in the activities outlined in tenet 1.), which includes attempting to smuggle out classified material.
   
   
3. Make a graphic, public example of whoever is responsible for said leak and leading the cult to Tokyo-3 in the first place, regardless of rank or station, so such a situation never happens again.
   
   
4. Switch the provision of NERV interior and Pilot security from Section 2 to the JSSDF. Not only has Section 2 clearly failed the task, but this is a demand from JSSDF personnel in direct response to recent events.
   
   
5. The full, unwavering support of the Instrumentality Committee regarding war materiel and supplies, like the Evangelion that have been promised, but yet to be delivered, such as Eva-03, Eva-05, and Eva-06.
   
   
6. The complete and utter eradication of every man, woman, and child belonging to the Cult of Xian, without exception. If that means the eradication of entire countries, so be it.
   

Upon the reading of point 3.), everyone at SEELE immediately turns in the direction of SEELE China, who suggested using The Cult of Xian in the first place. Gendo immediately picks up on it, but says nothing.

Gendo: "One more item not on the list, is the complete approval for a direct retaliatory strike upon the Cult's base, The DPRK strong-hold for 'The Supreme Leader'. This isn't an unprovoked nor unwarranted attack. We have hard evidence that the DPRK has given refuge and support to this terrorist group. Now does anyone here want to be known as knuckling under to terrorists?"

He looks at SEELE US who clearly doesn't want to look weak on terrorism, not after the debacle that happened in Reno with Eva-04.

SEELE CHINA is desperate to try and find some way to keep his head off the chopping block, and doesn't dare object.

Gendo: "I await your response, gentlemen."

Kihl: "Alright. We agree to your... requests, Mr. Gendo Ikari. Please inform your JSSDF 'escorts.'"

Gendo: "Thank you, Chairman Kihl Lorenz. I will deliver your message, and begin preparations. Good day, gentlemen."

Once Gendo leaves the room...

SEELE ENGLAND: "That... UPSTART! HOW DARE HE?!"

SEELE CHINA: "We can still salvage the situation, we just..."

He never finishes that sentence, as he suddenly finds himself sporting a 'Colombian neck-tie.' He winds up face-down, drowning in a pool of his own blood. His Chinese understudy takes his place.

Kihl: "You got what you want THIS time, Ikari, but don't think things will always go your way!"

On his way back to NERV HQ, Gendo has a chat with Fuyutsuki...

Fuyutsuki: "Was that really necessary?"

Gendo: "Absolutely. I know those old men won't like it. Most people would think being granted godhood would be enough of an incentive, for anything. What most people fail to realize is that anyone who thinks he's worthy of being a god is someone who thinks he's automatically superior to everyone else, on everything, without exception, especially in matters he doesn't understand. Those fossils needed this 'object lesson' to keep their heads on straight."

Fuyutsuki: "They will retaliate, you know."

Gendo: "Of course they will. I'm counting on it."

To Be Continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 26:

Back in the present...

Eva-00 hands the kids over to Lara, who takes them to a nearby shelter, such as it was.

Misato: "Get those children out of here! I'll deal with... THAT!"

Lara: "You'll need this!"

Lara Croft throws Excalibur to Eva-00.

Misato: "That's nice, what am I supposed to do with..." (Excalibur grows to fit inside Eva-00's hand) "WHOAH! What IS this?"

Lara: "It's the enchanted sword, Excalibur, the dragon slayer!"

Misato: "Thanks, though they don't exactly cover dragon-slaying in Basic Training..."

Lara: "But they did in Arthur's court, let the blade guide you."

Quetzalcoatl: "Enough with the small-talk already, I'm HUNGRY!"

Quetzalcoatl hurls a lightning bolt breath-weapon at Eva-00, but Misato reflexively blocks it with an A-T field shaped like a kite shield.

Misato: "Oh... SWEET! Hey, you scaly bitch! Let's see how you fight someone that's A.) your own size and B.) hasn't been blindsided by a bunch of your goons while she was taking a bath!"

Quetzalcoatl: "Oh... you have just moved to the top of the menu. Bravery, recklessness, or simple ignorance, it doesn't matter. It has been eons since someone was willing to challenge me directly, in my true form! I shall grant you the honor of savoring every mouth-watering bite of your flesh and screams!"

Misato goes and shield-bashes Quetzalcoatl in the face. "Now what was that about idle chatter?"

Quetzalcoatl: "Bwahaha! Oh this will be fun!"

Trying to get the kids out of the danger zone, Lara Croft looks for a vehicle, any vehicle, that she can use, before settling on a nearby and relatively undamaged Humvee.

Lara Croft: "Oh, quick, climb aboard. Got to admire your resourcefulness. Seeing you in the DPRK uniforms means you had some limited success trying to break out, I take it."

Asuka: "Yeah, until the scaly bitch Misato's fighting with went and grabbed us..."

Lara: "More boarding, less talking, move!"

Everyone gets on board the vehicle and Lara shifts into high-gear, trying to get away.

Quetzalcoatl: "GET BACK HERE!"

Misato: "Oh, don't you dare turn your back on me!" (Slams Quetzalcoatl down and slashes her with the Eva-sized Excalibur Katana.)

Quetzalcoatl: "Yaarg! You're letting my main course escape! You will BEG me for death!"

Quetzalcoatl begins breathing fire at Eva-00, which Misato just barely blocks.

Misato: "Rea. You okay?"

Rea: "YEAH! Let's beat up the mean-old-hag who hurt Shinji-oniichan!"

Quetzalcoatl: "I may be mean, and I'm certainly centuries old, but I AM NOT A HAG!!"

Rea: "Old Hag, Old Hag, OLD HAG!"

Quetzalcoatl: "RWAAARRGGHHH!!!!"

Eva-00 dodges and grabs Quetzalcoatl by the tail, slamming around the giant lizard like a crude flail.

Rea: "Bam!" (Slam) "Bam!" (Slam) "Bam!" (Slam) "BAM! BAM! BAM!" (Drops Quetzalcoatl to the ground.) "Hehe! Wanted to do that since I saw 'The Flintstones.' Hahaha!"

Quetzalcoatl: "Are you a CHILD?!"

Inside the Humvee, Lara Croft gives the children her backpack so they can take back their confiscated NERV gear.

Lara: "Hurry up and put them on, blokes. We might have to abandon this vehicle and run, 'cause the roads here are shit!"

The Neural links go on just fine, and Asuka is thrilled to have hers put on by Rei and Shinji, but when it comes time to put on the collars...

Everyone: "OUCH! What the... they shocked us!"

Lara: "Bollocks. They're not working? Well that's some fine mess we're in..."

Quetzalcoatl recovers from the beat-down quickly, and takes to the sky, to hunt for Lara Croft and the children.

Quetzalcoatl: "You are certainly powerful, but you have a glaring weakness. I think it's time to show you!"

Quetzalcoatl flies to the retreating Humvee, firing lighting and fire at it, trying to corral or destroy it.

Misato: "YOU COWARD!!!"

It doesn't take long for Quetzalcoatl to catch up to the vehicle and grab it.

Quetzalcoatl: "Now see, you should have just surrendered quietly. I would have made it quick, but now... I'm pissed off! I'm going to make you watch me take my time.."

Lara: "Damn it! I can't get to the dagger! If we could just rip it out, that bitch wouldn't stand a chance against an Eva!"

Quetzalcoatl doesn't even try to rip the vehicle open. She slowly and methodically starts to crush it in her claws.

Speaking through the neural interface, Shinji tells Misato what she needs to know.

Shinji: "Misato-san. Don't worry about us. Throw the sword at Quetzalcoatl! Do it quick! Please!"

Misato: "Shinji-kun... Are you sure?!"

Shinji: "Hurry! She's going to crush us to death and then eat us, and the collars don't work so we can't jump out..."

Misato: "Kid, you've been around me too long! Here goes nothing!"

Misato throws Excalibur at Quetzalcoatl, missing by a hair, but the distraction does cause the giant reptile to momentarily lose its grip...

Shinji: "Asuka-san, NOW!"

Asuka: "You got it, Shinji-kun, you crazed genius!"

With a snap shot, Asuka fires Lara Croft's grappling-hook pistol that she uses for climbing and it snags the dagger in Quetzalcoatl's chest. The weight of the falling vehicle yanks it free.

Quetzalcoatl: "NOOOO!!!!!!!"

Most of the flying snake's frame disintegrates to dust, leaving one Jacqueline Natla, naked and curled up on the ground, in fetal position.

Natla: "I don't believe it. Beaten by a child... But not for long..."

The Humvee crashes to the ground. True, it was a significant fall, somewhere between one and two stories, but the Humvee is a very sturdy vehicle, and this one is military issue, designed to handle driving over IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices) with far more force than a simple fall. The suspension takes the brunt of the damage. The passengers are shaken, but unharmed, and although Jacqueline Natla is running to the dagger, Lara Croft gets there first and punches the sadistic "mean old hag" right across the jaw, rendering the weakened self-proclaimed goddess out cold.

Lara: "THAT was for going after my wards, repeatedly, Bitch!" (Getting her backpack back from Rei and the others, Lara croft proceeds to tie Jacqueline Natla up, for transport and questioning back at NERV.

Misato has Eva-00 lie down, almost horizontally so she can eject and come greet her subordinates and wards.

Misato: (Crying) "I was so, so worried about you," (Hugs each of the kids in turn) "all of you. Thank God you're alright." (Looks around) "Well, maybe not alright, but alive! I'm sure Rits can fix you up in those LCL tanks of hers. I've seen her regrow Rei's arm, so..."

Shinji: "Our collars don't work anymore..."

Misato: "...Oh good grief! Well, thank Rea too. We would have never been able to save you guys without her!"

Misato leads the kids over and everyone hugs Eva-00, as much as a human can reach around a cyborg cyclops the size of a skyscraper.... That's when things get really weird....

Eva-00's core shatters the armor over it, and out pops a little girl that looks like a four-year-old child.

Rea: "...Shinji-oniichan! Rei-Oneesan! Auntie Asuka! I'm... out... I'm really out! Thank you, Nana Misato! Thank you, thank you!"

Ritsuko speaks over the neural devices. "Major, pilots! We just got a sync reading of over 1000%! What's going on over there?!"

Misato: "Rits... Are you sitting down? You are not going to believe this. What looks like a four-year-old version of Rei just popped out of Eva-00, and she's hugging her Shinji-oniichan, Rei-oneesan, and Auntie Asuka!"

Ritsuko: "Are... Are you serious?! Are you really serious?! How the heck did that happen?!"

Misato: "I wish I knew."

Gendo took this surprising news with, for him, exceptional calm.

Gendo: "How... How did those brats pull that off? I must know. Dr. Akagi. Bring me everything you know, think you know, speculate, or have data on concerning this... phenomenon, the moment The Piots, including Major Misato Katsuragi, return to NERV and have undergone a complete debriefing."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir. Should I lead the debriefing myself?"

Gendo: "Yes, Doctor. I know they won't hide things from you. From me... Things can probably be a bit too... intense."

Ritsuko: "Understood, Sir."

Gendo: "...You can bet those old men won't sit still. Don't let this interfere with their combat readiness. That remains the top priority."

Ristuko: "As you say, Sir."

Gendo: "Good. If you need anything, I'll be in my office.... waiting with bated breath."

Ritsuko's skin begins to crawl at the subtle implication of what he's really saying. "I'll keep that in mind, Sir."

Gendo: "That is all."

After seeing Gendo head to his office, and making sure she can't be heard, Ritsuko openly expresses her sentiments.

Ritsuko: "I doubt I'm going to 'need anything' for a good, long while, 'Sir'...That cheating bastard! Why... Why does that 'doll' get a better lover than me? She even gets a girlfriend as a birthday present!"(Sigh) "Oh well. Back to work. Got a great deal of analysis to do before they get back, after all."

On the flight back to Tokyo-3 aboard one of the fleet of UN helicopters, several of which are carrying Eva-00, Misato, Lara, Shinji, Rei, and Asuka have a little chat with their P.O.W., one Jacqueline Natla...

Natla: "I must applaud you for being the first to beat me in open combat, as my true self. Here is your reward, Shinji Ikari, the strategist who made it happen, and Asuka Langley-Soryu, who delivered the 'fatal' blow."

A green, yellow, and white glow surrounds the two of them, cascading over their A-T fields before fading into mist and blowing away.

Misato pulls her gun. "What did you just do?!"

Natla: "I granted them a boon. They should be able to move freely for about a half-hour a day, without worrying about their... restrictions. Or they could 'become one', once a day. Whichever they wish. Were I at my prime, the reward would have been greater but..."

Lara: "I'm sure you'll say we wouldn't stand a chance, governor."

Natla: "Well... I won't say 'no chance', but it would have been much harder for you. After all, I haven't had a decent sacrifice to sustain me in centuries. Immortal I may be, but I still hunger."

Asuka: "So you feed on people to grow stronger?"

Natla: "You herd and raise cows for food, do you not? It was the same for my people, The Aztecs. They would hold TOURNAMENTS for the unparalleled honor to feed both my upper and lower mouth."

Asuka is about to ask what "lower mouth" means, but is suitably squicked when she has the answer whispered to her.

Natla: "It wasn't all for free though. In return, I taught them astronomy, crop cultivation, animal husbandry, architecture to rival that of your 'ancient Egypt', and gave them protection from their enemies, both mundane and supernatural."

Misato: "But that begs the question.."

Natla: "Of why they were ultimately defeated by the Spanish Conquistadors?"

Misato: "Yeah..."

Natla: "The answer is simple. Your friend, Lara Croft, holds the key."

Lara: "You mean the dagger of Xian?"

Natla: (Sigh) "Correct. Though that is not it's true name. That was my sacred ritual dagger! At least until a fleet of Chinese Junks came the land to the south as traders and explorers. They built their base in what you call The Falkland Islands, and eventually stumbled upon our people."

Lara: "Fascinating, so you're saying they stole the dagger?"

Natla: "Of course they did, after my foolish high-priests were lured by the promise of a 'city of gold' and showed it to them. Those greedy idiots. This left them easy pickings for the Conquistadors under Ponce De Leon, who decided to genocide my followers, but not before taking one of the most beautiful, my handmaiden, as his own bride. The hypocrite."

Lara: "Then why..?"

Natla: "Is there no lore of this expedition in Chinese official history? The Emperor of China went full bore xenophobic and decreed that all history of exploration outside the official borders 'never existed,' destroying all records of such. In part, to hide the sins of his countrymen, in part as a misguided attempt at patriotic fervor. Hehehe! Left them woefully unprepared a bit later when his countrymen clashed with the equally xenophobic Japanese people of the time... Of course, since none of the Emperors were 'me'..."

Lara: "They couldn't use it without ultimately losing their lives."

Natla: "Exactly. Now you know why I think 'humanity' has reached a dead end. They just keep repeating the same mistakes over and over, never learning anything, and killing anyone who does.... just like your bosses."

Misato: "What do you know about our bosses?"

Natla: "That they believe themselves worthy of being gods? That they launched a plan killing billions, 'Second Impact' was it, and gambling the lives of everyone that remains against an enemy that only has to win once, for the chance to make it happen? That they're willing to kill anyone and everyone that they believe has even the remotest chance to stop them? Ha! Idiots, arrogant deluded fools! MADMEN! I have lost count over the centuries of how many men fall prey to this! Heck, the first lie in existence was the promise of godhood, and men still fall for it! Oh, if only those bumbling oafs truly knew the burdens of godhood... then again, they probably do, but think it doesn't apply to them!"

To Be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 27:

In Gendo's office...

Gendo grows tired of waiting for Ritsuko to "need something" and goes back to his machinations, part of which involves trying to utterly break Shinji, while making it appear that he's genuinely trying to help and make amends with the boy. Part and parcel of that is hiring an inept, but not too inept, therapist to address the trauma that Shinji, Rei, and Asuka went through, thanks to the Cult of Xian.

Fuyutsuki: "What are you up to, old friend?"

Gendo: "Ah, professor Fuyutsuki. I'm going over the list of available therapists. The Children are going to need one, one we can control, after what they experienced."

Fuyutsuki: "Oh? This level of concern for their well being is new..."

Gendo: "Their well being? Hardly. I'm doing this only because both Ritsuko and Misato have been bothering me for a while on this. Loathe as I am to admit it, they do have a point."

Fuyutsuki: "Oh? Then who shall we recruit for the task?"

Gendo scrolls through a list of resumes on his laptop until he spots someone he considers "promising."

Gendo: "This fellow, a Fraiser Crane, looks promising."

Fuyutsuki: "Why him? He's a talk-show therapist, down on his luck, I might add, and living in the Boston Warzone, of all things. Why, he doesn't even speak a word of Japanese and will need an interpreter during the sessions..."

Gendo openly smiles at this assessment. "That's what makes him perfect! He must be desperate to get himself and his family out of there, and we can use his need for an interpreter to monitor everything he says or does where it concerns The Children and his sessions. Plus, he's not dangerously overqualified, if you get my meaning. I mean, a talk-show therapist? How skilled can he be?!"

Fuyutsuki: "I understand. I'll begin making arrangements immediately."

Gendo: "Very good."

Boston:

As the result of numerous "left-leaning" judges being lenient on gun-crimes, and other criminals, street gangs have basically taken over the city. The after-math of Second Impact has not helped. The area is basically a military dictatorship under the control of three prominent gangs. The Cryps, The Bloods, and M-13, all vying for supremacy. The citizens are trapped inside, unless they can somehow acquire a travel visa, and that's basically the same as an Act of God. It is in this environment where Dr. Frasier Crane tries to run his talk-show. One wrong word or phrase could easily get him or his relatives killed, and he's had quite a few close-calls already. So when he receives the official invite from NERV to be the therapist of a handful, or two, of children, with an attached exit Visa, he has great difficulty restraining himself....

Fraiser: "Dad, Niles! We can finally get out of this hell-hole!"

Martin: "What the hell you talking about? No way in hell any of the three ruling 'parties' is going to give us a Visa, not with all the flak you give them on your show..."

Fraiser shows his father, Martin Crane, the invitation letter from NERV, the attached Visa for Fraiser himself and extended family, and the contract for psychiatric services with the five, now six, Eva pilots and the pilots of the TRIDENT.

Niles: "A ticket out of here, in exchange for therapy sessions with a handful or two of teenagers? That seems way, way too good to be true. There must be some catch..."

Fraiser: "WHO CARES!! Still, I don't suppose it would be a bad idea to have a lawyer look it over..."

Martin: "You mean... That woman?"

Fraiser: "Who else? I'll fax the contract over to her now...."

Niles: "Please tell me she's not coming over..."

Fraiser: "Of course not! Why would she come back into this hell-hole of a city? Even if she clears the check-point..."

The phone rings, and Fraiser is quick to answer it, on speaker-phone, so everyone hears it.

Lillith: "And what have you got yourself into this time, Fraiser?!"

Fraiser: "A way out of here... Did you get the fax?"

Lillith: "Fraiser, did you ever wonder why I got exclusive custody of our son?"

Fraiser: "A massive gender bias in the child welfare system?"

Lillith: "... I'm not going to dispute that. The real reason is that you tend to leap first and look later, maybe... when you're bleeding from your forehead because you hit that thick skull of yours on something! This contract is legally sound, but it's full of gotchas!"

Fraiser: "Like what?"

Lillith: "There are several phrases that jump out at me, just on a cursory reading. 1.) Once you accept the terms of this contract, you can not resign, retire, or withdraw without our express written consent. 2.) Due to the sensitive nature of your work environment, your movements and actions, and those of any people in your party, will be closely monitored at all times. 3.) You and your party will reside in the accommodations we provide and no other. 4.) Attempting access to restricted areas without proper authorization can result in severe disciplinary consequences up to and including the immediate termination of all offenders, with extreme prejudice.... The last one is the most alarming. It means if you go anywhere that NERV doesn't like, or even try, they can kill you! Don't forget that Tokyo-3 is an active war zone! On a regular basis, they're under attack by beings of light the size of skyscrapers that even a nuke can barely scratch, on a good day. Are you certain you want to do this?"

Suddenly a tank rolls by the building where Fraiser's penthouse apartment, which he shares with his father Martin, his brother Niles, and Daphne, the wife of Niles, and then RPG and anti-tank rifles go off in the background.

Fraiser: "Looks like I'm going to have to! This place isn't even remotely safe! Besides, the job is therapy for one, maybe two handful, of teens. How hard could it be?"

Lillith: "That's another thing that bothers me. This contract doesn't specify the teens' problem(s) that you're supposed to treat! You could very quickly find yourself over your head! I must strongly advise against taking this job... but if you must go, toe the line and be on your best behavior at all times. No more of your notorious 'I'm the smartest man in the room' nonsense. I'm sure you won't get a fist to the face, as usual. You might, just might, get a gun to the face instead!"

Fraiser:"... Better a gun than an anti-tank missile... INCOMING!"

Fraiser, Niles, and Martin dive to the ground as an RPG flies through one window and out the other.

Martin: "I don't care how rotten this NERV job is! We're out of here, NOW! Niles, get Daphne and pack-up for the next flight out of here. Fraiser, call your producer, Ross, and get her to meet us at the airport. We sure as hell are not leaving her here!"

Fraiser: "Lillith, if you want to meet me at Tokyo-3, even if it's for no other reason than to laugh at me, feel free to come, but we no longer have a choice, an RPG just flew through our apartment. I'm taking the NERV job..."

Lillith: "Fine. I hope I'm wrong about this.."

Fraiser: "Of course, and thanks."

Lillith: "Don't mention it. I mean it."

Back at NERV HQ, in Ritsuko's lab....

Ritusuko is giving Misato, Rei, Shinji, and Asuka a full physical and debriefing them concerning what happened in North Korea... as the news plays showing the country being stormed by armies from every country on the planet, including China, which has apparently had enough. The last straw being the DPRK's involvement with the Cult of Xian, responsible for destruction of parts of the Great Wall of China, one of the seven wonders of the world.

The DPRK's actions and history makes it disgustingly easy to blame, and frame, the Kim regime for any and all atrocities committed in the process. In fact, the after-math makes the Khmer Rouge of Cambodia look like choir boys by comparison.

Jacqueline Natla is being incarcerated and interrogated elsewhere.

Ritsuko: "Well, I have good news and bad news. Which would you like first?"

Misato: "The bad news, please. Let's get it over with."

Ritsuko: "Okay. Pilots. The collars no longer work. I'm sure you're all aware of this."

Everyone nods.

Ritsuko: "Shinji-kun. We can heal you up in the LCL tank, but your skin, and … everything normally covered by a swimsuit is going to be exceptionally sensitive for the foreseeable future. Take extra care going outdoors in the daytime, or doing anything and everything 'intimate.'"

Shinji: "(Sigh) Yes, ma'am."

Ritsuko: "Asuka-kun. Fortunately, we can fix your arm, by 'pickling you like a beet' in an LCL tank. Unfortunately, your right eye is gone, forever. There's nothing there to regenerate."

Asuka: "...SHIT! At least my guts aren't hanging out... especially as I'm one giant cramp right now."

Ritsuko: "That time of your cycle?"

Asuka: "Yeah, Herr Doktor."

Ritsuko: "Okay, I can give you a little something to help."

Asuka: "Thanks."

Ritsuko: "Rei-san... There's no genteel way to say this. Even reconstructive surgery won't help you. Your left breast is... gone, so is the underlying muscle and cartilage. Your ribs are okay... barely, but your skin would never allow nor recover from the surgery required to place a silicone implant. Even if we could... "

Rei: "I would wind up looking weird, wouldn't I?"

Ritsuko: "I'm sorry. As for those hand-shaped gouges heading towards your abdomen... It's amazing you can still breathe! The damage is extensive! Even the LCL tank wouldn't allow them to regenerate as it's pure scar tissue. The risk reward ratio for the surgery required to fix that just doesn't justify the attempt."

Shinji looks down at his right hand, and just cries... like a little boy whose favorite toy was taken away.

Asuka: "Good grief! Why are boys such perverts?"

Rei: "Asuka-chan..."

Asuka: "I know, I know. I'm sure there's some kind of sappy sentimental story here, but..."

Rei: "His right hand wound up on my left-breast the first night we started living together. Purely by accident, of course. He took the fact that I didn't... to put in your terms, 'slap the living shit out of him' in response as the first sign of affection he's experienced in years. So yeah, there is 'some kind of sappy sentimental story' involved. And now..."

Asuka: "The touchstone of that affection is gone, forever."

Rei: "Yes...."

Asuka: "Oh geez! Now I feel bad. Oi, Shinji-chan! Tell you what. Next time we're in the bath, I'll let you play with mine."

Everyone: "Eh?!"

Asuka: "What? Just so you know, this is the first time I've made such an offer, so be grateful!"

Rei: (Smiles sweetly) "Yes. Thank you, Asuka-chan!"

Shinji: "Are...you...."

Asuka: "Don't make me regret it, Third!"

Shinji: (Sniff) "Thank... THANK YOU!!!"

Shinji breaks down crying on her shoulder.

Rei breaks down crying on her other shoulder.

Asuka: "Oh, good grief..." (And breaks into an oh-so subtle smile.)

Misato: (Facepalm) "... "

Ritsuko: "That was as subtle as a neutron bomb, Asuka-kun." (Sigh) "Okay. Now for the good news. Whatever Natla-san has done seems to have greatly stabilized all three of your A-T fields. She seems to be telling the truth, from what I can tell. It might, and I stress might, be safe to go further than a good grope or two, OR being separated without restriction for about a half-hour, but not both in a 24-hour period. In my capacity as the official doctor here at NERV, should the three of you decide to 'experiment', and something does go wrong, call me immediately! I won't judge, trust me. I'll just do what I can to make sure you stay alive and well."

Everyone: "Yes, ma'am!"

Ritsuko: "Now... about this little girl here..."

Rea just sits happily on Misato's lap, munching on some Pocky candy that Misato gave her.

Rea: "Hello, Ritsuko-Obasan!"

Ritsuko: "...Obasan?!"

Misato: "Sweetie, that's rude. Call her Ritsuko-Sensei, okay?"

Rea: "Really? Sorry, Ritsuko-Sensei!"

Ritsuko: "... Thank you, Rea-tan!"

Rea: "Hehehe! You're nicer than I thought!"

Misato: (Ruffles Rea's head) "Good job, sweetie!"

Rea: "Hehehehe! Munch, Munch, Munch!"

Ritsuko: "Such a sweet and well-behaved child. That's a surprise. Oh well, do you have any idea how she came out of Eva-00? Any speculation is welcome."

Misato: "Not a clue. I had already disembarked from the entry-plug at that point. All that happened is that I asked Shinji-kun, Rei-kun, and Asuka-kun to hug Eva-00, as a thank you for coming to the rescue and 'pop' there she is!"

Ritsuko writes in her notebook. "Interesting. Rea-tan, what do you remember?"

Rea: "Hmmm. I was in a dark, scary place, alone, until suddenly, there was a light and I heard Shinji-oniichan, Rei-oneesan, and Asuka-san. I followed their voices into the light, and here I am! Can I have more, Misato-san?"

Misato: "Sorry, all out, sweetie. Rits, you got anything?"

Ritsuko: "No sweets, sorry, but I do have some fresh coffee..."

Misato: "Coffee? For a four-year-old?"

Rea: "I want to try it!"

Misato: "It's going to be hot!"

Rea: "Please!" (Puppy-dog eyes)

Misato: "Alright, but be careful!"

Rea: "Yay!"

Ritsuko takes a coffee-cup but doesn't fill it all the way, just a tiny amount, and Rea tries it.. when Misato instructs her to dip her finger in it and lick her finger.

Rea: "... Hot... more please!"

Misato: "She likes your coffee, Rits!"

Ritsuko: "Unbelievable...."

The rest of the interview gives Ritsuko all details observed by those on the scene of the battle and the phenomenon that caused Rea to find her way out of the Eva's core, but none of it really serves to give her a definitive means of replicating the process...

To be continued.

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 28:

The next day, in Gendo's office....

Ritsuko is there, as officially summoned, to report her findings regarding the 1000% sync phenomenon where Rea emerged from Eva-00.

Ritsuko: "Sir, after carefully analyzing all the available data, including interviews with all the people present, this is the hypothesis I've come to."

Gendo: "Proceed, Doctor."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir. It seems that for just the tiniest of moments, there was a quintuple sync event, leading to an unprecedented 1000% sync rate."

Gendo: "Quintuple sync?! But..."

Ritsuko: "There were four pilots? Correct, sir. The fifth participant was the soul inside Eva-00, affectionately dubbed 'Rea' by Pilot Shinji Ikari. All five of them simultaneously wanted her out of the core, and the Eva complied. It is yet unknown if the 'Excalibur' lent to Major Misato, or the unique abilities of 'Quetzalcoatl' had any bearing on the result. I would strongly advise against attempting to recreate the battle or the event..."

Gendo: "As Ms. Natla can not be trusted. Still, the fact that 'Excalibur' can somehow not only become a weapon that can be wielded by an Eva, but also take the form of a weapon that the pilot is most comfortable with is something that can not be ignored in the fight with the Angels. We must make efforts to secure this tool. How are the pilots?"

Ritsuko: "In my professional opinion, they are clearly not fit for piloting Eva at the moment, let alone battle. The injuries they sustained while in Ms. Natla's 'care' are horrifying, disfiguring, and mostly irreparable. We currently have them in LCL tanks to treat Pilot Soryu's left arm, and Pilot Ikari's skin, but the rest..."

Gendo: "I see. How are their mental states?"

Ritsuko: "Fragile. Very fragile. The slightest bit of stress and they can break down completely."

Gendo smirks beneath tented fingers.

Gendo: "Fortunately, we managed to secure the services of a competent therapist to aid with that, a Fraiser Crane, from the Boston Warzone. He and his extended family should be arriving within the next two days. About the only drawback I can see is that he'll need an interpreter present while he's in session with the pilots."

Ritsuko: "That just leaves the matter of 'Rea.' Who can we place her with? How are we going to explain her sudden appearance? She's not going to go back into Eva-00. She's violently opposed to the idea, and I do mean VIOLENT. We don't dare try to force her as her A-T field readings are off the scale, and she knows how to use it. She may have the appearance and mentality of a four-year-old, but she's a strategic weapon, and she knows it."

Gendo: "In that case, our only option is to leave her with people she knows and trusts, not to mention fully aware of the situation."

Ritsuko: "You can't mean... THE PILOTS?! Did you not hear me when I said the tiniest amount of stress could cause them to break down? Child rearing is VERY stressful, no matter how well-behaved the child is, and 'Rea' is exemplary in that regard."

Gendo: "... I may have not had much contact with my own child while he was growing up, but I am aware of the truth of your statement. Still, what alternatives do you propose? We can't just dump her in an orphanage. I, for one, do not want Tokyo-3 to become the next Elfen Lied!"

Ritsuko: "...Damn it!"

Gendo: "If it will allay your fears, the pilots will not have sole custody. 'Rea' will also be supervised by Major Misato Katsuragi and Lara Croft, both of whom were present on the scene and know exactly where she came from. I've also prepared a list of cover-stories to explain her sudden appearance to the world... as the daughter of Shinji and Rei Ikari."

Ritsuko: "Adopted daughter, I take it? It's going to be hard to pass off a four-year-old as the daughter of two fourteen-year-old children..."

Gendo: "That is one of the cover-stories, yes."

Ritsuko: (Begins massaging her temple as a migraine starts coming on) "Alright, sir. I'll run this by Ms. Croft and the Major. Anything else?"

Gendo: "For now, that will be all. I'll inform you when our new therapist arrives. Dismissed"

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir."

Once Ritsuko leaves the room, Gendo turns to Fuyutsuki.

Gendo: "Do you think she's been avoiding me?"

Fuyutsuki: "Now why would you think that, old friend? It's not like you're treating her as a flesh-light with a PHD, or anything like that, right?"

Gendo: "Well. Whatever, it's not like this is the first time. She'll come back on her hands and knees, wearing that fetching 'bitch' outfit soon enough."

Fuyutsuki: "If you say so."

Gendo: "Still. What she has to say about the phenomenon is rather disturbing."

Fuyutsuki: "How so?"

Gendo: "If the Doctor's theory is accurate, then not only must the soul inside the Eva desperately want out, but even then, it must be 'awakened' by the pilot having a sync rate of 75% or higher with the Eva... THAT BOY CAN NOT BE THE ONE TO 'AWAKEN' HER!"

As Ritsuko is waiting for Misato and Lara Croft in her lab...

Maya: "Senpai, what's wrong?"

Ritsuko: "What makes you think something's wrong, Maya?"

Maya: "You've not only been back and forth to the coffee-pot, but you haven't actually drank any." (Points to the multiple cups of coffee that Ritusko's gotten and placed on the table.)

Ritsuko: (Laughs angrily and bitterly) "Hahahaha. To be expected of a woman who is not only a competent technician, but has a crush on me...."

Maya: "Senpai?"

Ritsuko: "Did you think I hadn't noticed? Maya, you sweet, innocent girl. You deserve better than a 'mean-old-hag' like me!"

Maya: "You're not mean, old, or a hag! You're the smart, sophisticated, cool and calm Senpai..."

Ritsuko: "Stop. Stop right there... If you knew the truth about me and what I've both done and seen, you'd run away in disgust! I know you have a bit of... a weak stomach..."

Maya: (Blushes furiously) "Are you talking about my reaction to the video that....Natla made of the pilots? Who wouldn't be sick on seeing that?!"

Ritsuko: (Sigh) "Someone who's already had a hand in the deaths of billions, and risking everyone that's left..."

Maya: "...SENPAI!"

Ritsuko: "Sit down, Maya. I've already secured this lab. Noone's going to hear us, and those that do, aren't going to do anything about it because they don't think we can stop them...."

Maya: "... Are you talking about Second Impact? The Human Instrumentality Committee? The war with the Angels?"

Ritsuko: ".... Now we really need to sit down and talk. How much do you know, and when did you know it?"

Maya: "...Have you forgotten that you had me help you with the Magi super-computer, and I saw all those post-it notes?"

Ritsuko slaps her forehead, realizing that her mother, Naoko, was fully complicit with Gendo and knew all about it, leaving behind evidence where nobody was likely to find it, unless they knew where to look, and Ritsuko herself showed her where to look.

Ritsuko: "So you've pretty much got it figured out? Do you? And you still want me, who's got blood on her hands up to her elbows?"

Maya: "I'm sure you have a damn good reason, Senpai. Would you like to tell me about it?"

Ritsuko: "Fine... But once you hear what I have to say, I don't think you'll still respect me in the morning."

Ritsuko spends the next fifteen, maybe thirty, minutes revealing to Maya all the nastiness she's done and witnessed as Gendo's bed-partner, and how NERV's behaved since Second Impact. Maya doesn't judge, object, or react in any way, only listening attentively until it's all over.

Maya: "So you didn't have anything to do with Second Impact, but you knew that it wasn't a natural disaster. Instead, it was the work of some... arrogant old men, leaders of a cabal that's been around for centuries, that, more or less, gave the Katsuragi Expedition lit torches and led them into a cave full of ancient nitroglycerin, and then stood back laughing when it all blew. What's worse is that you kept quiet because everyone you knew to whom you could report were complicit, and they'd see nothing wrong in 'silencing' you if you spoke up too loudly. Is that right?"

Ritsuko: "If only it was that! At least then I could still be forgiven for being helpless! But... I've actually had a hand helping them! You know Rei, that blue-haired, red-eyed girl? She's a clone of The Commander's dead wife! Not only that... She's made of Angel Flesh! Thanks to me, she's lived her life so doped up that she was little more than a wind up doll, AND I'M ENVIOUS OF HER!"

Maya: "Envious?"

Ritsuko: "The Commander actually smiles at her... worse, he pawns her off to his son, orders her to sexually entrap him, and while that fails... the boy rather quickly asks for her hand in marriage, she agrees, and those two make each other insanely happy! In fact, that boy loves her so much, he lets her have a girlfriend... AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT! Meanwhile, the guy I'm with just sees me as a flesh-light with a PHD... no matter what I do. I know he'll never love me, only pining away for his 'dead' wife, but no matter how badly he treats me, or how much his antics disgust me, I can't help going back for more!"

Maya: "So... I take it he's just that good in bed?"

Ritsuko: "...That's the problem! He's a fucking roller-coaster! Up! Down! Left! Right! Round and Round! … And after drilling me like an oil-rig in the Gulf of Mexico, he leaves me panting, sweating, and wanting to go again with a burst of pleasure."

Maya: "Wow..."

Ritsuko: "Oh, it gets worse!"

Maya: "Worse?"

Ritsuko: "Yeah. Rei's lover makes mine look like a rank amateur! Rei compares him to lying on the beach, as the tide rolls in. He takes his time working his way up from her feet until before she realizes it, he's got her completely embraced, tingling from head to toe... no rush, no demands, just relaxing in each other's arms, enjoying each other's company... all night long! Not knowing when they fall asleep, just waking up in the morning to fresh breakfast in bed!"

Maya: "Daaayummm! So how..."

Ritsuko: "Did I find out? I tricked her into telling me under the pretense of a medically necessary physical exam, hoping to laugh at her virgin lover's inexperience in my head, at her expense... I really, really regret that now. Especially now that their A-T fields are still... recovering."

Maya: "So which do you prefer? The roller-coaster, or beach-side as the tide rolls in?"

Ritsuko: "I've never had the 'beach-side' experience..."

Misato and Lara walk in at just that point...

Misato: "Oh? Planning an outing? About time! You spend too much time cooped up here!"

Maya: "Yeah, trying to decide where we'd go on that most mythical of fantasies, our next day off! The roller-coaster at Disneyland, China, or down to Okinawa's beach, where we can just let the tide roll in on us, starting by lapping up our toes and working its way upwards until we can just enjoy that oh so gentle rocking motion, back and forth, back and forth, until we're all tingly from head-to-toe, and then waking up in the villa, having breakfast in bed..."

Ritsuko: (blushing furiously)"...Damn it, MAYA! That ...choice of words could not possibly have been accidental!"

Maya grabs a random cup of coffee, smirking, and starts to slip slowly, but deliberately. "Senpai, I have no idea what could possibly be upsetting you so much..."

Ristuko: "GRAAAGGHH!!! Enough! Stop! Just stop!" (Pant, pant) "Eh-hem. Major, Croft-San. I called you here because we have important business to discuss."

Maya: "... Could this be about Rea?"

Ritsuko: "Yes, it is. Note that what I'm about to say next comes after extreme misgivings, but for the life of me I can't come up with a better alternative."

Misato: "And what's that?"

Ritsuko: "The Commander has decided that Rea will be officially recognized as the daughter of Pilots Shinji and Rei Ikari, with full custody granted to them, Asuka being something of a maternal aunt, and both of you, Major Misato Katsuragi, and Lara Croft-san as ... to use a 'western' term, the 'godparents' of the child."

Misato: "Wait... WHAT?! He's granting custody of a four-year-old to two fourteen-year-olds who go into life or death battles all the time, and have just come back from captivity, where they underwent unspeakable horrors?!"

Ritsuko: "Yes, despite my reservations, I can only think of this as our best course of action."

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 29:


Misato: "Our best option? What are you..."

Ritsuko: "She won't go back into Eva-00, and I'm not going to try to force her. She's a sweet child, and... it just wouldn't be right, no matter how desperate things get in the fight with the Angels."

Lara Croft: "You're right about that, though I suspect there's more of an ulterior reason why you'd be … hesitant."

Ritsuko eyes Lara Croft suspiciously for a moment but gets back to her lecture.

Ritsuko: "It's not a good idea to offer her up to an orphanage, hoping some loving family comes along and adopts her, even in the best of times. These are clearly not the best of times."

Lara Croft: "...."

Ritsuko: "What's more, the rather... unusual manner by which she came into the world will raise all sorts of questions we don't want to answer..."

Lara Croft: "And there's the rub, governor."

Ritsuko: "Right. Her.... exposure to the Eva core has given her an immensely powerful A-T field, that she can manipulate pretty much however she wishes. No way an anywhere near normal family could handle that..."

Misato: "And how are WE supposed to? … Wait, are you saying she's an Angel?!"

Ritsuko: "...Not exactly. She's not a giant being of light, and she's clearly not mankind's enemy... unless we make her. That's why The Commander wants her in Shinji and Rei's custody... She's bonded to and quite fond of the boy. If anyone can wrangle her..."

Misato: "It's him! Oh boy! Is it The Commander's plan to just keep piling more and more duties and responsibilities on Shinji-kun until he breaks?"

Ritsuko: "...I won't say that's out of character for him, but still, as much as you might think it sucks, this is our one and only valid option. Right now, we have to agree on the proper cover-story for Rea's sudden appearance in the world."

Misato: "Alright, Rits. Lay it on me. What 'genius' proposals have you and The Commander come up with?"

Ritsuko: "One. Rea is a DPRK refugee that was rescued by the pilots from the depravity of the DPRK and The Cult of Xian."

Lara: "Rejected. How would she know Japanese, not Korean, not to mention looking very, very much like Rei?"

Ritsuko: "Two. Rea is a child found abandoned on NERV's doorstep after the combined attacks of the Cult of Xian and the last Angel. Parents and their whereabouts unknown."

Lara: "A bit more plausible, but still, people are going to ask why she looks so much like Rei... and then wonder if the two aren't related somehow. We might even see lawsuits flying around, demanding a genetic test to see if Rei and Rea aren't blood relatives. The paparazzi are always looking for that hot, salacious scandal, after all."

Ritsuko: "Three. Rea is Rei's twin sister, who's been in a coma for ten odd years..."

Lara: "Stop. Stop right there. Now that's clearly not going to work. Comas don't freeze your body in place developmentally. If she was in a coma for ten years, she'd look like a very, very frail fourteen-year-old, with the mentality of a four-year-old. Now if the cover-story was that she was somehow in suspended-animation for ten years, that would be better... but then people are going to wonder where and how she was kept that way, and how she was brought back..."

Ritsuko: "Indeed. I didn't think those options were very good. The last option is that she is Rei and Shinji's biological child, from an ectopic pregnancy, that was surgically removed and grown in vitro, with accelerated growth, and artificially educated until ..."

Misato: "We got what we see... HOW THE HECK ARE YOU GOING TO EXPLAIN THAT?!"

Ritsuko: "That's actually the easiest to explain. We've got the technology right here."

Ritsuko opens her arms and points out the various tools and devices in the lab.

Lara: "So you're going to advertise that you can 'farm' kids, like one would farm rice and potatoes?"

Ritsuko: "It provides the fewest embarrassing questions, and if ever there's a genetic test done..."

Misato: "The margin of error in the sample can explain away any inconsistencies... Unless you can think of something better, Ms. Lara Croft, I guess we'll have to go with that explanation."

Lara: "Hmph. I don't like it, but I see your point. Now how are we going to explain and prepare both Shinji and Rei for the fact that they're now the proud parents of a happy, healthy, and highly-energetic four-year-old girl?"

Nobody in the room says a word, staring into their coffee-cups, trying to come up with an answer.

Meanwhile, in the brig of NERV Tokyo-3....

Gendo is questioning one Jacqueline Natla, hoping for a better answer to the Eva-01 dilemma than the "quintuple sync" theory.

Natla: (Voice dripping with sarcasm)"Well, well, well. If it isn't the illustrious Commander of NERV, Gendo Ikari, come to visit. And what brings you down here today? Surely you have better manners than these fellows?"

All around her cell, are numerous men, face down in their own blood... with their pants unzipped, and various rather fearsome looking tools, all soaked in blood, but not a scratch on Jacqueline Natla herself.

Gendo: "Amateurs. I have questions I need answered, and I was hoping you could provide them."

Natla: "Hahaha! These wimps all said the same thing, and look what happened to them!"

Gendo: "... I am not so foolish as to step in there with you, nor do I bring a weapon. I know your code is to win at all costs, but only if you feel challenged first, or have something to prove, am I correct?"

Natla: "Oh? You did your homework, didn't you? Unlike YOUR people, as an Aztec, we know what honor really means! We don't call ourselves honorable just because we inherited a title from our ancestors that we can then use as an excuse to go kicking around everyone 'beneath' us and then get all pissy when the people we were bullying have enough and start to fight back... And we sure as hell didn't genocide or kidnap and experiment in producing bio-weapons on our enemies if we fought them and lost... Well, if we won, it was 'winner take all', so yeah, we did 'consume' the people who fought us bravely, but lost, ... and eliminated the cowards who tried to run away without a fight."

Gendo: "I am not here to try and debate you on the merits, or lack thereof, of our relative cultures, or their white-washed versions. I am here to ask what you know..."

Natla: "About extracting the soul from an Eva? Your 'dead' wife, perhaps?"

Gendo grasps the bars of her cell angrily.

Gendo: "What do you know about my wife?!"

Natla: "BINGO! And here I thought we weren't going to get anywhere. Your bosses, SEELE, have made it an open secret that you're fixated on either getting her out, or going in there after her, no matter what it takes, even if that means turning the world into TANG. Heck, you've tried to sync with her 'coffin' Eva-01 for some time, always getting a reading of ZERO! Hahaha! How that must hurt! Oh, and you lied earlier. There is something clearly growing in your right hand. Something that makes the Eva look like children's toys... What are you planning to do with that?"

Gendo: "None of your business.. Now tell me what you know!"

Natla: "Don't want to. I granted your son and his wife's girlfriend a boon because they earned it, by defeating me in open combat, and without treachery. We Aztecs always reward those who beat us at our own game, especially if they do so honestly. You have yet to earn such a favor."

Gendo: (Sigh) "I see. I was hoping to not have to resort to this...."

As Gendo presses a button, numerous stun darts hurl out from holes in the cell walls, paralyzing Jacqueline Natla but leaving her conscious.

Gendo: "You want to be a god? Well, just so happens we have an opening. Let's see how a 'noble' Aztec deals with the Contact Experiment."

Natla's eyes go round with surprise and terror. "You wouldn't DARE!!!"

Gendo: "Now, Ms. Natla. Didn't you say just now that I would indeed dare anything for Yui?"

Gendo has the conscious but incapacitated Jacqueline Natla dragged to Eva-00... And there can be heard a lot of terrified screaming through the corridors....

Meanwhile, in the temporary headquarters assigned to Kensuke Aida and Mara Kirishima...

As they're getting their room ready, trying to make the forced co-habitation somewhat comfortable...

Kensuke: "So, Mana-san. Would you have approached me if you weren't ordered to?"

Mana: "Kensuke-san. What makes you think I was ordered to approach you?"

Kensuke does his best Yamamoto impersonation, "You are to share everything, and I do mean everything!"

Mana: "... As to be expected of a shutter-bug, you certainly have an eye for detail. Well, to be honest, probably not. Your reputation with the girls is kinda bad."

Kensuke: "Because I take public photos and sell them to make ends meet?"

Mana: "...That's probably it. I mean, you're no more horny or desperate than the average. A bit more rowdy, sure, but nothing a good girlfriend couldn't coax you out of... why do you ask?"

Kensuke: "...Because I now have to thank Admiral Yamamoto for the fact that I live and sleep beside a cute, sexy girl who actively enjoys coming out of the bath to do a rather energetic belly-dance, wearing nothing but a towel, and lets me take photos!"

Mana: (Blink, Blink) "Pfft.. He, He, Bwahaha! You charmer, you! Your bad rep is clearly ill-deserved! You certainly know how to flatter a girl! Maybe being your 'girlfriend' isn't such a bad gig!"

Kensuke: "I know being your boyfriend certainly isn't!"

Mana: "Flattery won't get you that far, you know! We're still at the 'look, don't touch' phase, alright? You're really going to have to earn it if you want to get physical!"

Kensuke: "In that case, I'm going to be as passionate about you as I am about military gear..."

Mana: "Now that's the wrong thing to say, I'm not a machine..."

Kensuke: "No, I mean I'm going to treasure and adore every last bit of you!"

Mana: "Better, but as pick-up lines go.. that leaves a little bit to be desired!"

Kensuke: "Sorry, you're my first and only girlfriend. I'll be in your care from now on..."

Mana: "Likewise, my darling otaku cameraman! Now let's finish setting up where we're sleeping and go to bed... top or bottom?"

Kensuke: "...Bottom."

Mana: (Squinting) "Why?"

Kensuke: "Because it's look, don't touch, so if I'm in the bottom bunk..."

Mana: "And who said anything about bunk-beds?"

Kensuke: "Erm... um what?"

Mana: (Hands on chest) "Top!" (Turns and shakes her hips) "Bottom!"

Kensuke: "Bwah-uh-uh-wha!"

Mana: "Hahahaha! Gotcha!" (Leans over and kisses Kensuke on the cheek) "You've earned that."

Kensuke: "You're going to tease me mercilessly from now on, aren't you?"

Mana: "Yep!"

Kensuke: (Sigh) "Futons it is then."

Mana: "Yep, futons it is!"

The very next day...

Misato: "What is that sphere hovering over Tokyo-3?"

Gendo: "Blue or Orange?"

Ritsuko: "I'm not getting a reading, any reading at all!"

Misato: "Damn! And our three primary pilots are still recovering!"

Gendo: "Guess it's time for the TRIDENT to see use again..."

Mikoba: "Commander, we're getting a transmission... It's from the UN! They want to know if we're willing to accept Eva-05 and Eva-06!"

Gendo: "It's about time... but how the heck do they expect us to accept them now? We're under possible Angel attack...."

Mikoba: "... They're flying in..."

Gendo: "Well, I know they're going to bring them on a bomber.."

Mikoba: "No, sir, the Evas themselves are flying!"

Gendo: "... What are those old men thinking?! Major, put them on-screen!"

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 30:


Misato: "So they are flying..."

Gendo: "The dummy plug system... Those old men are flaunting the dummy plug system..."

Misato: "Dummy plug system?"

Gendo: "An AI that we've been developing internally... Looks like the Instrumentality Committee developed their own branch... Must not be ready for practical use, or they'd show off, beating the Angel for us..."

Misato: "And I trust our version isn't ready for practical use as well?"

Gendo: "Indeed, Major. We need far more combat data, for starters, before the AI is capable of doing anything but acting like berserk, feral animal, or so the simulations show..."

Misato: "... So they're flaunting completely untested technology, just to show off?!"

Gendo: "Certainly looks that way... Have our two able pilots ready to sortie at the nearest lift entrance, and have the TRIDENT as backup on standby."

Misato: "Yes, sir!" (grabs microphone) "Pilots Nagisa and Makinami, report to the nearest lift at once! Private First Class Kirishima and Ensign Kensuke, prepare for deployment in the TRIDENT!"

They all respond over the intercom.

Nagisa: "Roger, Major."

Mari: "Tally-ho! The Game's afoot!"

Mana and Kensuke: "Yes, Ma'am, right away, Ma'am."

Mana and Kensuke are in their quarters getting into their gear...

Mana: "Zip me up, snap to it!"

Kensuke: (Admiring Mana's back) "Gulp" (With trembling fingers...) "ZIIIIPPPP!! Done!"

Mana: "Good, turn around! It's my turn!" (Smoothly and without hesitation) "ZIIIIPPPP!!! There! You're going to have to be a bit less nervous when we're getting into combat gear... unless there's something else... distracting you.. is that the case?"

Kensuke: "Ma'am! YES, Ma'am! Sorry, Ma'am!"

Mana: "Don't be so stiff! You do have my permission to peek, but you'd better not get too 'excited,' or else one of us could get killed!"

Kensuke: "Yes, ma'am... How do you..."

Mana: "Normally do this? Previously, a female superior would get me into, and out of, my high-G gear. As my pilot and 'boyfriend', the privilege falls to you. Don't do anything either of us will regret!"

Kensuke: "Understood!"

Mana: "Good! Nice physique, by the way. You're more toned than I expected."

Kensuke: "Well, yeah, my other best friend IS a jock, and I do have to train with him occasionally... HEY! Were you checking me out?!"

Mana: "Turnabout is fair-play, 'boyfriend.'"

Kensuke blushes furiously.

Mana: "Hahaha! That's a totally cute reaction! Just remember, don't try to go anywhere with me that you're not comfortable me going with you, and we'll get along just fine!"

Kensuke: "So... um..."

Mana: "Did I like what I saw? "

Kensuke: "...Yeah..."

Mana: "That's... a secret! Maybe I'll tell you after this is over."

Kensuke: (BEAMS) "Okay! Let's do this!"

Mana: "Good! Let's go!"

After everyone's on the surface in their respective vehicles...

Misato: "Pilots, proceed with caution. We're not getting any readings at all from that sphere. It's possible that the A-T field is so strong that it's blocking our sensors..."

Kensuke: "Major, that shadow.. it's wrong!"

Misato: "Wrong? How? Explain, Ensign."

Kensuke: "With a sphere that size, we should be seeing a noticeable penumbra. The center should be considerably darker than the outer edges, not to mention showing a clear angle of descent to match the light being blocked, in this case, sunlight. That's not happening! The shadow is not only completely uniform in darkness, but completely, perfectly circular. There's something seriously strange about all this!"

Misato: "I see. Maya, Makoto, scan that shadow! Give me any information on it, stat!"

Maya: "On it... MAJOR! CODE BLUE!"

Makoto: "That's odd. We're reading a psionic emission coming from … not the shadow itself, but from its general area... Our scanners can't pinpoint the source.. Is it possible the Angel is both trying to communicate with us and is extra-dimensional?"

Misato: "...Damn IT! Pilots, everyone, don't make any sudden moves. Eva-05 and Eva-06, be prepared to turn your A-T fields to maximum at any moment. TRIDENT pilots... be ready to hit it with everything you've got the moment I give the word!"

Everyone: "Roger!"

Makoto: "The transmission... It's not headed to any of us here, not to the pilots, the Eva, or the TRIDENT... It's heading towards Ritusko's lab!"

Misato: (Gasps) "Rei-kun, Shinji-kun, Asuka-kun! Get me Dr. Ritsuko Akagi on the line, NOW!"

Aoba: "On it, Major!"

Ritsuko: (On speaker phone.) "Major. What's going on? Why are you..."

Misato: "An Angel is hovering over Tokyo-3..."

Ritsuko: "I said it before, and I'll say it again, these three kids are not combat ready..."

Misato: "They're under attack! We're detecting a psionic energy beam being directed at them by the Angel!"

Ristuko: "What?!" (Hastily checks their readings) "That's... odd. They don't appear to be in any distress. In fact, I'm reading vitals all normal, neural activity normal, and … hmmm. This is strange."

Misato: "What? What's going on?"

Ritsuko: "They're emitting Delta waves as if they're in a deep slumber. A perfectly restful full REM sleep."

Misato: "Wake them. Wake them now!"

Ritsuko: "Major. Calm down. Sudden waking through external stimuli and drugs is hazardous under normal conditions. Now, when they're being probed, possibly by an Angel?"

Misato: "...Damn IT! Dr. Ritsuko Akagi... If their vitals turn for the worse, for any reason, take the risk. That's an order."

Ritsuko: (Blinks rapidly a few times in shock, as Misato never calls her by her full name and title.) "Yes, Major. I will monitor them very, very carefully..."

Misato: "Understood, keep me abreast. Command out." (Disconnects from Ritsuko's lab) "Everyone else... Prepare to take that Angel down with extreme prejudice the moment it so much as twitches the wrong way!"

Everyone: "Yes, Ma'am!"

Meanwhile.... In the "dreams" of Rei, Shinji, and Asuka... The three are subjected to random images, visions, and disjointed memories...

Spoiler

Aoba: " The psionic energy emission just ended, but high-energy reaction detected from the 'sphere' like with Ramiel!"

Misato: "Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Pilots! Scatter!"

After a few seconds' buildup, the "sphere" pulses with a brief flash of intense light and heat. While the "shadow", and everything beneath it is completely unaffected, Eva-05 and Eva-06 are flash fried, like stir-fry vegetables in a skillet. The result is not pretty.

Mari: "GYAAAAHHHH!!!!"

Kowaru: "GWAAAARRGGHHHH!!!"

The nearby buildings get shadows burned on them, like what happened during the Atomic bomb attacks at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Only Kensuke and Mana's TRIDENT was spared, due to taking shelter behind the launcher they came out of.

Kensuke: "What the holy hell? A plasma pulse? Just how much energy does that thing have to spare..."

Mana: "Don't know. Don't care. We kill it. NOW! Hey, ANGEL! Taste molten lead!"

Mana fires her Vulcan mini-gun at the "sphere" and... the sphere vanishes then re-appears, completely unharmed.

Mana: (Blink, blink) "What the..."

Kensuke: "That's not possible, that's just not possible."

Alarm bells go off in the cockpit of the Trident as the two Eva rush madly at the "sphere" trying to engage in close quarters combat.

Mana: "Get out of there, you idiots! It's going to blast again! Major! Requesting permission to retreat underground until we can come up with a counter-measure!"

Misato pounds the desk in futility. "Permission granted! Get out of there! You two jet jockeys! RETREAT! That's an order!"

Sadly, the order comes just a second too late. The Angel's "sphere" hits them with energy beams at pin-point accuracy. The Evas lose their ability to fly and fall right into the "shadow" wherein they instantly sink, lost from sight.

Mari: "No! NO! NOOO!!! SHRIEK! KYAAA!! LET ME GO! LET! ME! GO!" (End transmission)

Kowaru: "Unable to comply, Major. Eva incapacitated. Sinking rapidly into... unknown substance and material destination... goodbye." (End transmission)

Misato: "Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT!!!! Those fancy new Evas and 'Dummy plug' toys are useless in the face of this thing! Thank God Mana made the right decision and asked to retreat or this would have been a total loss! Can somebody tell me where those Eva went?"

Maya: "I'm getting a reading similar to the reports in the failed activation test for Eva-04. Those Eva aren't in this world anymore."

Misato: "They've been utterly destroyed?!"

Ritsuko: "No, Major. I've been watching the battle carefully. The Evas have been pulled into a 'Sea of Dirac.' a place outside three-dimensional space. They could very well be completely intact there, but we have no way to contact them."

Misato: "So they're... adrift in a place with no beacons, no landmarks, nothing?"

Ritsuko: "That's pretty much it. I've also analyzed the readings on the 'shadow'. The 'shadow' most certainly is … not. It's actually several millimeters thick. Why it's content to simply flow along the ground and not simply 'eat' its way down to Terminal Dogma is anybody's guess at this point."

Misato: "SHIT! We need information, and options, PRONTO! We can't shoot it, and we can't stab it, and if we fly over and drop bombs on it, FLASH! We get served up as stir-fry!"

Ristuko: "I wish I had answers, Major. I really do! My entire staff and I are running every possible scenario through the Magi super-computer as we speak."

Miasto: "And what do the Magi say?"

Risuko: "Melchior says attack it from below, maybe it can't 'eat' what's beneath it!"

Misato: "Hmm, interesting. The others?"

Ritsuko: "Casper says, eat, sleep, and make merry because any way you look at it, we're screwed. So might as well get screwed by a loved one too... The hell is this!"

Misato: "We'll all keep that one in mind, and Balthazar?"

Ristuko: "Ah yes, that one... 'Tell your kids you love them and kiss them goodbye...' Ah, hell, that's not reassuring. Seems the 'scientist' is trying to find a solution, while the 'mother' and 'woman' have pretty much given up!"

Misato: "Thanks, Rits. In the future, when designing a super-computer AI, it might be a good idea not to break down the psyche of a living person and set the aspects of that person against each other..."

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 31:


Mana and Kensuke are being lowered by the lift into NERV...

Mana: "Damn it! I was totally useless out there! What's worse is that my 'comrades' in the JSSDF are going to think me a coward..."

Kensuke: "No, they won't. You retreated only under official orders, and there was nothing you could have done..."

Mana: "Doesn't matter. I 'fled before the enemy.' That's all those yahoos need to treat me with disdain, at best."

Kensuke: (Puts his hand on her shoulder, reaching across the co-pilot seat behind her) "So? They don't exactly treat you with respect in the first place. We both know that you're actually very brave, and if you had a way to attack that Angel, you would have used it."

Mana: (Holding his hand on her shoulder, accepting the touch and comfort) "Thanks.... boyfriend..." (starts crying, and laughs bitterly) "Hahaha! Now I have to thank Admiral Yamamoto for 'hooking me up' with a guy who either really, really cares, or is DAMN good at faking it... and I have serious doubts as to the latter."

The sweet, tender moment is broken up when the radio clicks on and Misato calls to them.

Misato: "Congratulations on getting out of there alive, soldiers. Mana-kun, can your TRIDENT burrow through the ground? We have a plan that might, might be able to turn the tide of battle."

Mana: "Negative, Major. My unit has no such ability."

Misato: "...Damn it! Can you think of any way we can attack from below?"

Mana: "... If only the Angel was over water. The TRIDENT can swim..."

Kensuke slaps his forehead.

Kensuke: "Of course! The Angel attacks with light! Water, especially seawater, reflects and refracts light! We can still turn this battle around! Major, do we have any way to lure it into the bay?"

Misato: "...We might... Sorry, Asuka-kun."

After discussing the plan with Ritsuko...

Ritsuko: "Melchior gives us the affirmative, Casper and Balthazar give us a qualified affirmative... Major, this has got to be the craziest plan you've come up with to date."

Asuka, Shinji, and Rei are all crammed into Eva-02's cockpit. It's a tight fit, but they can manage.

Asuka: "You have got to be bullshitting me! This is the third time I've played the role of 'bait' in one of your schemes, Major. This had better be the last!"

Rei: "Well, can you blame her? Apparently you're so sexy, even the Angels want you..."

Asuka: "Not helping, Wondergirl!"

Shinji: "Well, either want you, or are insanely jealous and want to eliminate the 'competition.'"

Asuka: "...Not sure if I should be flattered or totally fucking creep-ed out at that, Third! You HAVE taken a good look at the Angels so far, right?"

Shinji: "Well, I can't comment on what the Angels want, but Rei and I certainly find you sexy!"

Rei: "...."

Asuka: (Blushing fiercely) "Oh, shut it, you!"

Misato: "Enough with the flirting and small-talk, Pilots! We're on the clock here! What's the plan?"

Asuka: (Sigh) "Fine. Shinji, Rei, and I will sit at the bottom of the Tokyo bay, both to lure the Angel over the water's surface and to use Eva-02's A-T field to corrode the Angel's A-T field so Mana and Kensuke can attack it from below, and hack away at its body, hopefully rescuing our two … inexperienced pilots, Nagisa Kowaru-Kun and Mari Makinami-kun, who were … incapacitated earlier."

Misato: "Correct! Is everyone ready?"

Everyone: "Yes, Major!"

Misato: "SORTIE!"

Eva-02 winds up at the bottom of Tokyo bay, thanks to the emergency egress lift installed for the purpose during NERV Tokyo-3's construction. Even before Eva-02 activates, the Angel begins moving over the water, floating along the surface.

Misato: "So the Angel is focused on one or more of those three pilots for some reason... Pilots Shinji, Rei, and Asuka. Don't move. The Angel is creeping along on the surface of the water, coming right over your heads! Aside from weakening the Angel's A-T field so Mana and Kensuke can take it down, you are to do nothing, understood? It's the only way I could get medical clearance to even have you sortie in the first place!"

Ritsuko: "Pilots, I'll say this once again. I am extremely reluctant to field you now because your wounds could re-open and that may well be fatal. I only agreed with this... plan because we don't have any viable alternative than to simply sit back and wait for that Angel to get bored and start marching into Terminal Dogma...."

Asuka: "Yeah, yeah. I get ya. Once again, I'll play the obedient little bait and let someone else get the Angel kill. I get it. Don't expect me to like it!"

Mana: "We're in position, awaiting the word to charge into the lake.."

Misato: "Roger. Launching mock-ups now to test the firing interval of the Angel's light weapon and providing distractions!"

The angel seems to have a cool-down of about 10 to 15 seconds between firing times, and when it finds itself outnumbered, resorts to its omni-directional "Flash" attack which requires a 30 second cool-down time.

Misato: "Phew! That's one fast cool-down! Did you manage to make it to the lake?"

Mana: "Just one more dash would have done it, Major. We're currently behind the skyscraper closest to lake's edge!"

Misato: (Tapping her pencil against the podium, trying to weigh the risk vs reward of the situation, knowing they don't exactly have another chance...) "If only we had just one more distraction... Rits, what's my sync rate with Eva-01?"

Ritsuko: "Major?! That hasn't been tested..."

Gendo: "Major, that is unnecessary at this time. The 'Over the Rainbow' is still at the Okinawa dock. We could have them fire some missiles over the horizion...."

Misato: "Thus very effectively distracting the Angel...Understood, sir!"

Even if it only serves as a distraction, the JSSDF is clearly thrilled to hear that their fire is in any way effective against an Angel. They launch the missiles... which result in the Angel using its "flash" attack to eliminate them all.

Misato: "NOW!"

The TRIDENT rushes into the lake, and the Angel barely has time to fire one or two lasers in its general direction, missing because the TRIDENT is already underwater by the time the cool-down ends.

Misato: "YES! Well done, soldiers! Now go harass that Angel and give it a death of a thousand cuts!"

Mana and Kensuke: "With pleasure, Ma'am!"

The TRIDENT proceeds to do just that. By churning up the seawater, with short, swift, and unpredictable movements, the Angel's structural integrity is seriously compromised, and the Angel clearly does not like it. It's frustration, pain, and rage can be heard and felt in its cries and desperate attacks, which all miss, albeit narrowly, because the water is both opaque and refracting its shots, not to mention making the TRIDENT look like it's a few feet away from where it actually is.

Mana: "You once asked if the cockpit was modeled after an F-22 interceptor."

Kensuke: "Yes?"

Mana : "It's actually modeled after a Mako Shark... This is the environment where the TRIDENT is the strongest! We may just win this!"

Kensuke: "YEAH! But let's not get cocky! It only needs to hit us once!"

Almost as if the Angel heard him, it gets a lucky shot, crippling one of the two rear turbines...

Mana: "KYAAAAHH!!!!"

TRIDENT: "SHRIEK!!"

Kensuke: "DAMN IT!... WE WERE WINNING!"


The Trident floats up to the surface, crippled, and the Angel begins charging for a full-powered, point blank shot!

Misato: "Damn it! I don't care anymore! I'm going out there! Get Eva-01 ready!"

Kensuke: "We can still win this, Major!"

Misato: "Ensign?!"

Mana: "What are you talking about?!"

Kensuke: "We make a whirlpool! Go! GO!"

Mana: "... Not like we have much of a choice!"

With only one turbine, the TRIDENT can't swim in a straight line, but for making a whirlpool, it's ideal! As the Angel is dragged down to the sea-floor, it's crushed upon itself and its own extra-dimensional portal works against it, both crumpling it like a sheet of paper, and shredding it, as if it was being put into a massive blender and set to "frappe."

As it dies, the "sphere" breaks open, blood flying everywhere, and out pops Eva-05 and Eva-06, crashing into the bay, seriously worse for the wear.

After the battle and the cleanup is all over...

Misato: "Mana Kirishima and Kensuke Aida, great job, both of you! If I had the ability, I would give you both a commendation! Sure, the TRIDENT got a bit banged up, but otherwise your performance is exemplary!"

Yamamoto: "Indeed. You both make us at the JSSDF proud!" (Hands a slip of paper to Mana) "Here. You've earned it! This is your copy. Musashi and Keida have received theirs."

Mana looks at the form, and it's an official tansfer order. Her TRIDENT vehicle is officially hers, and hers alone.

Mana: "Does this mean..."

Yamamoto: "Yes, young lady. You're now an Agent of NERV. Your two friends are free agents. They gave up their TRIDENT in exchange for their freedom. They did get the full pension, and an honorable discharge. They're free to go … wherever they like, and pretty much live their lives however they wish! None of you will have to pay your parents anything, if you don't want to!"

Mana: "Thank... THANK YOU, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Dismissed!" "Oh, one more thing.. This is also yours."

Mana is handed the first ever Japanese Angel War Medal, along with the Pillars of State medal.

Kensuke: "An all new medal of honor?!"

Yamamoto: "Indeed. The Prime Minister himself had it commissioned in accordance with her exceptional accomplishments. Young lady has done the impossible, twice in a row! She's more than earned it. As for you, Ensign..."

Kensuke: "Sir?"

Yamamoto: "Your standing orders are to be her bodyguard, co-pilot, and now mechanic thanks to that battle damage. That has not changed. Your calm under fire has earned you a field promotion, Private First Class! Congratulations!"

Everyone in the room starts clapping.

Yamamoto: "She couldn't have won without you." (Pins the new emblem on Kensuke's uniform) "As for the rest of you brats.."

Asuka, Shinji, and Rei are brought boxes of medals.

Yamamoto: "You may not be directly under my chain of command, but The Prime Minister insisted you get these!"

All three pilots open their boxes and find several medals.

Shinji: "The purple heart, the medal of valor, auspicious clouds medal, and a few others... Sir?"

Yamamoto: "You've earned them! Don't be shy!"

Shinji: (Crying happily) "Thank...YOU, SIR!"

Yamamoto: "Along with the purple heart, and auspicious clouds medal, you have the Imperial Red Cross and golden kite medals, for your courage and dedication to duty! Wielding that rocket booster kite shield to protect your fellow soldier takes unprecedented guts! Treasure those medals with pride!"

Rei: "Thank you, sir!"

Yamamoto: "Asuka-kun. Along with the purple heart and medal of honor, you also get the submarine qualification badge and the Pillar of State medals. Risking your life fighting an Angel in a pocket of magma is an unprecedented task! You've more than earned it!"

Asuka: (Salutes) "SIR, YES SIR!"

Yamamoto: "HMPH! Well done, pilots, one and all! Some of those medals you should have gotten sooner... I leave these pilots now in your care, Major."

Misato: "...Sir, Yes, Sir!"

Yamamoto: "Oh, almost forgot. One for you, Major."

Misato gets the Great East Asia War Medal.

Yamamoto: "For your distinguished service in stopping the 'Artificial Angel' in North Korea, even though it was supposed to only be a rescue mission for your three lost pilots."

Misato: "THANK YOU, SIR!"

Yamamoto looks at Kowaru and Mari. "As for the two of you... That was pathetic! Sure, you gave Private First Class Mana a hand with her first Angel, but this time, you ignored a retreat order and charged blindly at the enemy... YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN KILLED! Brats or not, the two of you are an embarrassment! If I had my say and we weren't desperate for personnel, I'd see you both in the brig or gone!"

Mari and Nagisa lower their heads in apology and shame.

Yamamoto: "That is all, dismissed! Anything else, Major?"

Misato: "Commander?"

Gendo: "No, that will be all, Admiral, Thank you, you have leave to depart."

Admiral Yamamoto turns and leaves the NERV command center, heading back to base.

Misato turns to Shinji, Rei and Asuka.

Misato: "Oh, and there's one more surprise for you kids."

Rea suddenly appears, clinging to Shinji. "PAPA!"

Misato: "Shinji, Rei. Congratulations. You are now the parents of the four-year-old Rea."

Rea points at Rei, "MAMA!"

Rei gets weak in the knees, brings her hands up to her face and begins blubbering. "I'm... I'm going to be a mother! I... I'm so, so happy! Thank you! THANK YOU!!!!" Shinji's reaction is far less enthusiastic....

To be continued....

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 32:

Rei: "Shinji-kun? What's wrong?"

Rea: "Papa?"

Asuka: "Shinji-chan? What? Are you not happy about getting this sweetheart as your daughter? Do I have to start calling you 'Baka' again?"

Shinji: "I'm … happy? Yeah? But... I'm... I'm scared!"

Gendo: "Excuse me, everyone. I have urgent business elsewhere. Fuyutsuki, will you accompany me?"

Fuyutsuki: "Of course, old friend."

Just outside the room...

Fuyutsuki: "Old friend?"

Gendo: "That brat makes me physically ill! I couldn't keep up appearances one second longer!"

Fuyutsuki: "I understand."

Gendo: "Oh, and Professor, do send Dr. Akagi to my quarters. I have an urgent need to 'hold a debriefing', if you know what I mean..."

Fuyutsuki: "Naturally."

Gendo heads off to his private quarters to await "debriefing" Ritsuko.

Fuyutsuki: (Sigh) "This isn't going to last long, old friend. Sooner or later she will get tired of you..."

Fuyutsuki heads back into the party to catch Shinji explain why he's scared.

Shinji: "I have only three role-models to be a dad: one guy who sees nothing wrong with abandoning his four-year-old son in a crowded train terminal, and that's what he does when there are witnesses, a 'Sensei' who did everything humanly possible to pretend I didn't exist while calling me a 'cursed child' precisely because my parents either died or abandoned me, and Kaji, whose 'parental efforts' basically boil down to 'this is how you raise watermelons.' Can anyone tell me why I shouldn't be scared of what kind of father I'll be?!"

Fuyutsuki: "Well. There may be little to no hope for the father, but there's certainly plenty of hope for the son."

Shinji: "Huh?"

Fuyutsuki: "Your concerns are perfectly normal, even if you had a happy, healthy childhood, which you clearly did not. The fact that you're actually worried about it is a good sign. Besides, you're not alone. You have Rei-kun, Asuka-kun, Major Misato, and Lara Croft-Sensei to help you. If that's not enough, feel free to come to me." (Writes on a scrap of paper) "Here's my number, you can call me anytime. I promise, I won't tell The Commander about it."

Shinji: "Thank you, Sir."

Fuyutsuki: "Don't mention it. I'm serious. Don't beat yourself up too much about it. Most grown men have months to prepare mentally, if nothing else. You had maybe... a few seconds? And you're a brat ontop of that. A bit of angst is warranted. Now go home, and start getting used to your new family."

Misato: "Um... Sir. They.. can't do that right now. Lara Croft's mansion was..."

Fuyutsuki: "Oh, that's right! I'll see where they can sleep... You do still have your old quarters, right Major?"

Misato: "Yeah, but they're a bit small for myself, and four children.. I mean, even if Asuka, Shinji, and Rei fit in the same room, there would be no room for any of their stuff! Not to mention little Rea!"

Fuyutsuki: "Hmm. Don't worry, I'll work something out. Dr. Akagi, The Commander needs your for an 'urgent debriefing' at the usual location."

Ritsuko: "... Tell The Commander that I have my hands full dealing with the repairs to the new Eva, and our recently acquired TRIDENT, and that I might not be going to see him for a 'debriefing' or anything else for quite some time."

Fuyutsuki: "I understand, but are you sure that's the message you want me to deliver?"

Ritsuko: "Yes. If he's that desperate for a 'debriefing' he can 'debrief' himself all he wants."

Fuyutsuki: "Very good. Well, then. I must be off. I have a great deal to handle at the moment, not the least of which is finding quarters for … everyone."

Ritsuko: "Maya, I'd like to 'go to the beach' with you. When we're done here, shall we stop by your place for the swimsuits or mine?"

Maya: (Eyes shining) "SEMPAI! Erm..."

Ritsuko: (Raises an eyebrow) "Oh? Afraid I'll find something embarrassing at your place?"

Maya: "SEMPAI!!" (Blushes furiously) "It's all so sudden, my heart's not ready..."

Ritsuko: (Smirking) "Your place it is then. Be sure to lead the way!"

Maya: "Yes... Sempai!"

Ritsuko: "But before then, while we're waiting on Professor Fuyutsuki to iron out everyone's sleeping arrangements, let's go appraise this engagement's aftermath."

Maya: "Yes, Sempai!"

After everyone is given a hard-hat, Ristuko leads them all to the Eva bay, where the TRIDENT and Evas are being worked on.

Ritsuko: "Well, this TRIDENT, whatever that acronym means, is one sturdy piece of equipment. The kind of blow it took had Eva-01 completely out of commission for hours, and required getting Eva-00 an entire new set of armor. Despite that, it's still mostly functional, as long as you don't need its turbines... which we can easily replace in their entirety if need be. In fact, we can re-purpose some of our replacement air circulation fans in storage, and have this beauty fully operational in a few hours. Say what you will about the JSSDF, they sure are economical and efficient in their design."

Maya: "Impressive."

Ritsuko: "Indeed. As for the new Eva... I wish I could be as kind. The first attack was mostly cosmetic. A few new armor plates and maybe we could have restored full functionality, but that second attack..."

Mari and Kowaru start fidgeting nervously.

Ritsuko: "Made them all but useless. They have absolutely zero mobility without their VTOL capability, which was totally fried."

Kensuke: "Are those Harrier Jump Jet engines?"

Ritsuko: "Indeed. Aside from their sheer cost, they're going to be damn hard for us to replace. It will take at least a week just to build one of them... These units are going to require FOUR to be returned to active service. As it stands now, they're only useful as siege engines, at best."

Kensuke: "Wow... Sounds like the old debate between the US F-16 and the Soviet MIG. The first is very high performance, even higher maintenance. The second is … average in all respects, but durable as heck, and could take off from pretty much any runway..."

Ritsuko: "Indeed. Sad thing is, Eva aren't machines you can just swap out one kind of part for another either. They're artificial humanoid cyborgs. A good deal of their makeup is … organic, for lack of a better term. Eva-05 and Eva-06 are like quadriplegics who got their arms and legs replaced with a jump pack. True, it does sound rather useful, and makes for a fun ride, but then the drawbacks kick in..."

Kensuke: "And you're hosed."

Ritsuko: "Exactly!"

Meanwhile, in Gendo's office...

Gendo: "Is that what she really said, Professor?"

Fuyutsuki: "Yes, old friend. Perhaps she's still rather upset about how she was ordered to march into SEELE'S chamber completely nude."

Gendo: "You did tell her that SEELE made that demand, and I had no choice in the matter?"

Fuyutsuki: "Of course I did. But you must consider the fact that you sent a messenger to tell her instead of going yourself, and haven't done anything to alleviate her discomfort in any way, not even a simple apology, makes the credibility of your assertion rather dubious."

Gendo: "Apologize? Why should I apologize? It was the fault of those old men who wanted a peep show, not me. I've done nothing wrong!"

Fuyutsuki: (Sigh) "And that, old friend, is why she's avoiding you. You may think that women are highly irrational creatures, and there are few who would even try to counter that assertion, but even the most logical, well-functioning, and well-built machines require maintenance every now and then. You should at least consider getting, if not making, a gift for her so that she doesn't feel neglected. Perhaps then she might be more willing to let you 'debrief' her."

Gendo: "....This is why Yui's the only woman I'll ever love, and why I'm more than willing to torch the world to cinder to get her back. She's perfectly logical in everything. I never have to give her a gift to make her feel important, and she never blames me for the crimes of others. Hell, she even had perfectly logical reasons for bearing my child... Professor. I think I just came to understand the perfect 'gift' Ritsuko needs. She's always wanted to convince herself that she 'needs' me and that I 'need' her... Yes... She'll get the most wonderful present a woman could ever have!"

Professor: "Old friend?"

Gendo: "Relax, Professor. This will take some time, and a bit of luck, but I'll make Dr. Akagi very, very 'happy' whether she wants it or not. She'll never feel 'neglected' again...Hehehehe HAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!" (Clears throat) "Ahem! Now about Eva-00. Is it now operational since we placed that 'volunteer' into the core?"

Professor: "We have yet to find a compatible pilot. The Marduk Institute..."

Gendo: "Professor. You and I both know there's no Marduk Institute. And the only ones listening would be in on the secret too."

Fuyutsuki: "Very well. The neurograph analysis indicates that not even our highest syncing pilots would get anything over a 2%. Some readings are actually negative. In fact, the only thing that gets enough of a sync rating is the Dummy Plug system, and we have absolutely no control over what it does then."

Gendo: "I see..."

The phone rings, from the Tokyo-3 international airport. A notice was put out that Gendo was to be called and informed the moment Dr. Fraser Crane arrived. That moment is now.

Gendo: "Well. We have some good news, at least. The renowned Dr. Crane has arrived in Tokyo-3 and is being escorted here, along with his extended family, as we speak. Once he's settled in, we can begin getting him acquainted with the Pilots, all the pilots."

Fuyutsuki: "Very well, old friend."

Gendo: "On second thought, bring him to my office right away, he can settle in later. After all, Humanity has no time left."

Fuyutsuki: "As you wish, old friend."

Gendo: "Oh, before I forget. How is the Third handling his new 'gift?'"

Fuyutsuki: "He's a nervous wreck."

Gendo: "Excellent. Just as planned. Hopefully, the boy will have time to get comfortable with the child, grow in confidence, and feel at ease..."

Fuyutsuki: "And that's when a 'tragedy' will happen?"

Gendo: "You know me well, Professor."

Fuyutsuki: "Very, very well indeed, old friend."

The Pilots, including Mana and Kensuke are in the shopping district, looking to replace what they can, now that the Croft Mansion has been destroyed...

Asuka: "By the way, what were those visions that Angel pumped into our heads? I don't recognize a single image!"

Rei and Shinji look at each other for a moment.

Rei: "I do not know why the Angel chose those particular memories, but they coincide with a popular 'soft' Sci-fi kid's show from the Eighties that Shinji and I were watching. Depending on the translation, the title is either 'War Planets,' like the Hasbro toy-line upon which the series is based, or 'Shadow Raiders' as the studio could not have the term 'war' in its title due to Canadian regulations. Should we find replacement copies, we'd be more than happy to share it with you."

Shinji: "I'm sure you'll like it, Asuka-san. The cast come from four worlds at war with each other, until a massive common threat descends upon them, and they have to cast aside centuries of mutual hatred, learn to work together, and face their common foe as one in order to have a chance at survival."

Asuka: "...And this is a KID'S show?"

Shinji: "Yep! Amazingly! You won't believe the crap the show squeaks past the censors!"

Asuka: "Shinji-kun... Did you just cuss?"

Shinji: (Winking) "In this case, I'm speaking in literal terms."

Rei: "Hang on, everyone. What's this?"

Rei, Shinji, Asuka, Kensuke, Mana, and of course little Rea, come across a small Shinto shrine, the Misaki family temple, and in front is a creature that's part rabbit, part cat, part little girl, standing on two legs, munching carrots from a basket, and meowing at them all...

To be continued....

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 33:

Rea: "Kitty!"

The curious and energetic little girl immediately wants to play with the creature.

Asuka: "Now, now, Rea! We gotta get permission first."

Rea: "Poo!"

Shinji: "How about we knock on the door and ask if anyone's home?"

Suddenly a woman with green hair, yellowish eyes, a cat tail, and a dress that shows off her very shapely legs appears, mid-air, out of nowhere.

Ryoko: "There you are, Ryo-ohki. We've been looking everywhere for you..."

Ryo-ohki: "NYAHN!" (Pointing at Shinji's party.)

Ryoko: "Oh? We have visitors! HOW RARE! Come on now, Sasami's waiting for those carrots."

The unusual creature walks into the house while Ryoko literally disappears. When the door opens, she's inside and invites everyone in.

Ryoko: "Don't just stand there staring! Do come in!"

Shinji: "Um... Should we?"

Rei: "Well, it is a shrine, perhaps they can help us with a certain... matter?"

Asuka: "You mean your proposal, Wondergirl? Sure, why not, wouldn't hurt to ask the head priest, right?"

Kensuke: "What... are you talking about?"

Mana: "..."

Mari: "Why, their impending wedding, of course!"

Kensuke: "I see... wait. WHAT!? Aren't Shinji and Rei married to each other?!"

Mari: "Come on! Come on! Let's discuss this with the priest inside!"

Mana: "Okay! Now my curiosity is piqued. Come on, 'boyfriend!' Let's see what this is about!"

Mana proceeds to half-lead, half-drag Kensuke into the shrine as everyone else walks inside...

Meanwhile, back at NERV HQ, Gendo, through an interpreter, is speaking with Dr Frasier Crane in his office...

Frasier: "What can you tell me about my job, and the patients?"

Gendo: "Your job, Doctor, will be to examine and maintain the mental fitness of six Evangelion pilots, five of which are children, age 14, and the two pilots of the newly acquired TRIDENT unit, also 14-years-old. The fate of Humanity may well rest on your efforts."

Fraser: "Right, no pressure. Now what can you tell me about the children, and the lone adult?"

Gendo: "I've prepared a full dossier on each and every one of them, which I will give you once this interview is over. For now, I will state that the adult, Major Misato Katsuragi, pretty much sees herself as the children's adoptive mother. Considering she's more or less their legal guardian, this is not something we've discouraged here at NERV."

Fraser: "I see. And for the children?"

Gendo: "They are my son, Shinji Ikari, his wife, Rei Ikari, her girlfriend, Asuka Langley Soryu, who all share joint custody of one four-year-old girl, Rea, the biological daughter of Shinji and Rei, Mari Makinami, the half-sister of Asuka Soryu, and one Kowaru Nagisa. The last one is the most troubling as he's repeatedly stated that he sees nothing wrong with harming small animals."

Frasier: "....Now, give me just a second to digest this...At fourteen, your son and this Rei girl are married with a four-year-old child? How long have they been married?! Do they both suffer from precocious puberty? How... how have they been supporting themselves?!"

Gendo: "Calm down, Doctor. Shinji and Rei have been married for a few months, and the child was weaned through artificial means. She's biologically four-years-old, but chronologically, she's a newborn, and she's very, very attached to her parents. Further, before you suggest what passes for Child Protective Services here, I strongly recommend you investigate the orphanage system. As much as teenagers raising a child might offend your 'Western' sensibilities, should you see what happens to orphans in this day and age of Angel attacks, I'm sure you'd consider our decision to have that child in its parents' hands to be the far more humane option."

Frasier: ".... (Expletive deleted). As for the Kowaru kid? When did he start manifesting an interest in hurting animals?"

Gendo: "Unknown. It is known that a few days ago, the subject of encountering stray kittens came up in casual conversation, and Kowaru Nagisa specifically mentioned that the best way to care for them was to break their necks. To this date, he refuses to understand how this is a bad thing."

Frasier: "Any more bombshells you care to drop on me before I get started?"

Gendo: "Kowaru Nagisa has been diagnosed with end-stage, inoperable brain cancer. We are doing our utmost to keep it from spreading. Everything else, I suggest you read their dossiers at length, and with great care."

Frasier: "End stage cancer?!" (Sigh) "Any words on friends, associates, or colleagues that I should be aware of?"

Gendo: "Excellent question. I have not prepared dossiers on those; however, if it will help in your task, I shall do so with utmost haste. All you have to do is ask. "

Fraser: "Thank you, when should I begin?"

Gendo: "Straight away when the Pilots return from their shopping. You should have a few hours to get adjusted to your new quarters, set up in your new office, and maybe shake off that jet-lag."

Fraser: "Much obliged. Good day."

Gendo: "Good day, Doctor. The JSSDF here will escort you to your office, and once your initial interviews are complete, your home. These are dangerous times, Doctor. We've already been attacked by terrorists once. We shall not take chances again."

Frasier: "...I have got to read these dossiers!"

Gendo: "Farewell."

After Fraser leaves the room...

Gendo: "Hmm... A bit emotional, but more competent than I expected... This could be a .. problem."

Suddenly, the phone rings, it's SEELE...

Gendo: "Ah, Chairman Kihl.... Yes, we did receive them. Sadly, their performance was rather disappointing. They're slated to be out of service for at least a month, unless you happen to have four harrier jump-jet engines just lying around... You do? They're already en route?!... I see, you anticipated... difficulties. Very well, I will inform the staff to prepare for their arrival.... Oh, Eva-03 is set up in a testing facility, and you want me to engage in an activation test with Rei Ayanami, correction, Rei Ikari?... Very well. Orders received."

Fuyutsuki: "That was convenient."

Gendo: "Too convenient... This could well be the 'retaliation' you mentioned. I suspect Eva-03 is booby trapped, as is the 'replacement' engines."

Fuyutsuki: "That's bad news..."

Gendo: "Not at all. Everything's going exactly as planned..." (Smirking.)

Meanwhile, the pilots got to meet the Temple priest, a Tenchi Masaki...

Tenchi: "So let me get this straight, the three of you, Rei-san, Shinji-san, and Asuka-san, are looking for a Shinto shrine that will bless your union, spiritually, if not legally, is that correct?"

Rei, Shinji, and Asuka: "Yes."

Tenchi: "And it's not a simple polygamous union either, as in one guy with more than one wife, but rather, a married man who's letting his wife marry her girlfriend, which he also gave her as a birthday gift... is that correct so far?"

Rei, Shinji, and Asuka: "Yes."

Tenchi: "And lastly, even though Rei-san and Shinji-san have this wonderful little girl,"(Points at Rea who is happily playing with Ryo-ohki) "as the result of an ectopic pregnancy that was artificially aged in vitro, everyone still wants to go through with it because Asuka-san wants to be the 'comfort wife' and bear the family's future children?"

Rei, Shinji, and Asuka: "Yes."

Tenchi: "And I thought MY life was complicated, even putting aside my seven... no eight wives, one of whom is currently in a self-inflicted coma, under rather … unusual circumstances, and my cousin Seina's nine, all politically arranged, and the fact that two of my daughters wound up marrying one of his sons..."

Kensuke: "Um, not to pry or anything, but … what's the story behind Ryo-ohki?"

Ryoko: "Oh, that's Tenchi and my love child! Before we got married, he and I..."

Ayeka and Tenchi both smack Ryoko upside the head.

Ayeka: "That joke got old a long, long time ago. Truth is, that sweet little girl is... for lack of a better term, Ryoko's and Sasami's pet and the family mascot. Her species is officially registered under the name 'cabbit', and Seina's also married to one going by the name 'Fuku.' Like our husband, Tenchi, said, it's complicated."

Tenchi: "Anyway, it's fortunate for all of us that you happened to stumble upon this place."

Shinji: "What do you mean by that?"

Tenchi: "Well, we were planning to put this place on the market, seeing as all my wives and I have been called away to my ancestral land of Jurai for urgent business, expected to take years, if not decades, and it's rather obvious that you need a place to stay. The Cult of Xian's attack on the mansion you were living in was all over the news, after all."

Rei: "So you're asking us to take on the role of care-taking the place for you?"

Tenchi: "Not just this place, but the rather family large mansion in the countryside. So yes."

Asuka: "And what, precisely, does that entail?"

Washu: "Well, there's a dimensional portal connecting this shrine to the house and vise-versa, which I built myself."

Rei: "Highly improbable. The amount of energy required to maintain such a device..."

Washu: "Have a look..."

Washu opens the door and everyone steps through, into a majestic scene with a large "island" floatin in the sky with a nice waterfall to a lake below. Clouds of steam can occasionally be seen coming from the island itself. All the teens look upon the scene with wonder. "Whoa!"

Washu: "Oh, it's too early to be amazed. This is just our bathtub! It's a hot-springs designed to be just the right temperature to be warm and toasty but not painfully hot."

Shinji: "This whole area is a bathtub?!"

Washu: "Ah HAHAHAHA! No, not really. The bath is on that island. The rest of this place is just for the sake of regulating the amount of water, the temperature, and the quality. Should you decide to take over the upkeep, I'll show you both how to get there and how this all works, and yes, it is quite a bit of work."

Washu opens a door on the other side and everyone finds themselves at the Masaki main home, the Jurai diplomatic center on Earth where Amane has parked her academy instructor space-ship in the lake.

Rei: "A space-ship? Does that mean.."

Washu: "Tenchi and Seina were born on Earth. The wives were not born on Earth.... Well, not most of them."

Rei: "Space aliens? But..."

Washu: "But we live here? Well, yeah. If you're going to ask why we haven't interfered in this Angel War... Well, there's this massive galactic organization called the Galaxy Police, of which Seina's entire harem are members, actively enforce non-interference in local matters on under-developed worlds. With very good reason I might add. If you could conclusively prove that 1.) Second Impact was not a natural disaster, and 2.) was of extra-terrestrial origin explicitly to bring the Angels here, we might, and I stress might be able to intervene. As it stands now..."

Asuka: "Your hands are tied... SHIT!"

Shinji: "So... What exactly are you offering, and asking in return?"

Washu: "Ah, the heart of the matter! Well, NERV's research into A-T fields, Eva, and the JSSDF's TRIDENT mecha are very, very interesting. In exchange for that, we'd offer a rather large host of benefits, starting with your unusual marriage request, the rights to this property, citizenship in Jurai, and curing your … condition, for starters. How does that sound?"

Shinji: "...Sounds great but..."

Washu: "Ah, yes. You don't have the authority to make such an arrangement. That's okay. We can reach out to your Doctor Ritsuko Akagi, and see what she says about all this."

Washu opens another door in the air and knocks. Ritsuko answers from the other side.

To be continued...

 

[The Azure Priest]

Chapter 34:

Ritsuko: "Who's there? We're in the middle of something here..."

Shinji: "Ritsuko-sensei, there's someone here who wants to meet with you."

Ritsuko: "Pilot Shinji? That was fast. Done with your shopping already?"

Rei: "It might be quicker if you open the door and see for yourself, Doctor Akagi."

Ritsuko: "Honestly what could be so important as to..." (She opens the door, looks out and stops mid-sentence, jaw hanging open.)

Maya: "Senpai? What's going on... Washu! Is that Washu Masaki of the Tenchi Muyo Universe?" (Briefly looks around) "So you're real! You're really, really here! Can, can I have an autograph?!"

Ritsuko: "MAYA! Get a hold of yourself!"

Maya: "Sorry, Senpai!"

Washu: "Hahaha! Looks like my genius is even known among the people of NERV!" (Hands over a hastily scribbled signature "Washu-chan" with a caricature of herself, tongue playfully hanging out, to Maya, who is tickled pink at the gesture.) "That being said, I am here on official business. I have a proposal in which your organization should be heavily vested."

Ritsuko: "Oh? And what is in this proposal?"

After Washu goes into the proposal in more detail, Ritsuko declares a challenge.

Ritsuko: "Oh, in that case, you don't mind if I test your credentials, right? We can't have just anybody getting a hold of NERV's tech..."

Washu: "Hahaha! Are you sure you can keep up, little girl?"

Ritsuko: "Little girl? Look who's talking, Washu-tan!"

Maya: "SENPAI!!!"

Washu: "Ohhh! Now you've done it... This is going to be FUN!"

The two of them proceed to debate in a very, very high level technobabble for the better part of a half-hour before taking a break for tea, biscuits and coffee.

Washu: "Not bad, whipper-snapper. As to be expected from the lead scientist of NERV."

Ritsuko: "I'm very, very impressed. I didn't expect such high-level knowledge from someone so young..."

Maya: "Senpai... She may look like a kid, but she's been a high-ranking scientist for centuries. She's so advanced, her tech is often confused for magic."

Ritsuko: (Blink, blink) "Centuries?"

Washu suddenly dons her more "adult" form.

Washu: "That's right, Akagi-tan. I only look like a brat because I want to. Still, for you to hold up against me this long, I'm genuinely impressed! I'll put in a word to Tenchi to get these kids hooked up, free of charge, but as for the rest..."

(A seemingly magical scroll appears in the air)

Washu: "Take this contract to your Commander. I'm sure he'd be quite interested in the details, and I hope we can do business."

Ritsuko: "Well, if anyone is worthy of NERV's Eva tech, it's certainly you... Washu-Sensei!"

Washu: (Changes back to her kid form) "Sensei? Oh, that's a bit much. Just call me Washu-chan!"

Ritsuko: "Washu...chan?"

Washu: (Reaches out to shake hands) "Yep! Absolutely. I look forward to the good news!"

Ritsuko: "My pleasure." (Shakes hands with Washu and takes the contract) "I'll bring this forward to The Commander. Hopefully, he'll agree."

As Ritsuko is about to step through the door...

Ritsuko: "Maya, you coming? We still have work to do..."

Maya: "Senpai? Aren't we going to see the wedding?"

Ritsuko: "..."

Washu: "Oh, that? It will just be the pilots exchanging vows. It won't take that long. If you want, I'll provide you a video copy later. As for what happens afterwards... that's private."

Ritsuko blushes up a storm. "I... see. Well, The Commander is going to be less accommodating to this contract if I don't get back to work. Maya, you can watch the ceremony if you wish, but get back to the lab ASAP!"

Maya: "Yes, Senpai! Thank you, Senpai!"

As Rei, Asuka, and Shinji begin preparing for their rather unusual wedding, Gendo is being presented with Washu's offer by Ritsuko...

Gendo: "This is quite interesting, Doctor. How did you come by this?"

Ritsuko: "The pilots had it hand-delivered to my lab. I was just as shocked as you upon receiving it, and I can verify that this 'Washu' is clearly certified to comprehend and work on the underlying theories and equipment."

Fuyutsuki: "I see no legal issues with this proposal, but as to the motives behind it..."

Gendo: "That's fine. I happen to be familiar with this Washu person, and I know she's a bona-fide mad scientist who does research and experiments purely for the joy of it, and wouldn't hesitate to blow up a planet, including the one we're on, when she gets mad. So as long as there's no legal downside, I'm all for the idea of a collaboration... Besides, the less we have to rely on those old men, the better."

Ritsuko begins to squirm as she's reminded of their last demand concerning herself.

Gendo: "Doctor, it has come to my attention that you're feeling … undervalued and overworked. Rest assured, that is the furthest thing from the truth. You are precious to the organization, and irreplaceable to me, personally. I've also heard that you and Maya are planning an outing, trying to decide between going to the beach or an amusement park with a roller-coaster? Personally, I don't care. Starting the moment you deliver this signed contract to Washu, by hand, you and Maya are to take the day off, that's an order. I don't care how you spend your time, but I sincerely hope the two of you enjoy yourselves. Provided we don't find ourselves under Angel attack before then, we can wait until Eva-05 and Eva-06 have their spare parts delivered and installed before doing that Eva-03 activation test we've been ordered to undertake."

Ritsuko briefly considers questioning Gendo's sudden, and unexplained benevolence, but thinks better of it. The truth is that she has been unappreciated and overworked, and she knows it, so despite being suspicious about his motives, she decides it's best to simply appreciate the gesture, and worry about the price-tag later, whenever "later" comes.

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I'll deliver this contract right away. Oh. Before I forget, Pilots Asuka and Rei have found a Shinto shrine willing to marry them, and are in preparation for the event. Would you be willing to attend?"

Gendo briefly raises his eyebrows, but maintains his stoic demeanor.

Gendo: "And when is this joyous event?"

Ritsuko: "... Today, within the next few hours, I believe. They've decided on this long ago, and are not keen on 'wasting time.'"

Gendo: "Had I more notice, perhaps I could have attended, but as it is..."

Ritsuko: "I understand. I'll relay the message."

Gendo: "Thank you, Doctor. If there is nothing else, you are dismissed."

Ritsuko: "Yes, sir."

Ritsuko turns and leaves the room with an extra little spring in her step.

Fuyutsiki turns to Gendo and questions his decision.

Fuyutsuki: "Old friend? Are you sure? Letting her have a girlfriend..."

Gendo: "Is not like me? Thinking I'm some kind of jealous control freak? …. Well, you're right. But why dispose of a perfectly good hostage?" (Pulls up a picture of Maya) "Yumm.. Such a tasty side-dish. I wouldn't mind sampling her myself.. but no. With a bit of luck, perhaps Ritsuko will think I really do care about her, but I'm just terrible at showing it."

Fuyutuski: "There is that, yes."

Gendo: "If not... well, I wouldn't be opposed to putting Maya in 'protective custody' and restricting access based on Ritsuko's 'good behavior' if it comes to that. We are living in very dangerous times, after all. So, I don't mind swallowing my 'jealousy' for a bit, and letting the two of them have their fun for a while. The closer they get, the better it will be for me later."

Fuyutsuki: "Now there's the Gendo I know, old friend."

Gendo: "Exactly... when the time comes, Ritsuko will come begging for a 'debriefing', that I'll be only too happy give her... and then the fun will really start."

A short time later, at the Masaki shrine...

The wedding is on the way. In attendance are Lara Croft, all the other pilots, Ritsuko, Maya, who is desperately struggling to hold back tears of joy... and failing, Misato and Kaji, who is giving away the bride, Asuka. Little Rea is the flower-girl. Toji is brought in as the best man on short notice, with Hikari in the audience as well. Kensuke, being the photo expert, was tasked with recording the event.

Tenchi: "So we're going with a 'Western' theme, in honor of the virgin bride?"

Rei: "Yes."

Shinji's in a tuxedo, the same one he used for his marriage with Rei, an outfit he will forever treasure. Rei's in a sparkling lace and rhinestone dress whipped out of thin-air by Ryoko's magic. The center of attention, though, is Asuka, who is wearing a very elegant, classy, but extremely flashy and heavily decorated gown with faux-ruby trims, a red sapphire gem at the low point of the neckline, and daffodil colored lace elbow-length gloves. She is gently marched up the aisle to the altar by Kaji, and then he steps aside as the ceremony begins.

Tenchi: "Dear thee beloved, and honored guests. We are gathered here today to celebrate and formalize the union of Asuka Langley Soryu and Rei Ikari, with the full and formal blessing of the husband Shinji Ikari."

On cue, Shinji brings Rei to the altar and steps aside, on the other side of the altar, opposite Kaji.

Tenchi: "If anyone present has any just cause why these two should not be joined, speak now, or forever hold your peace."

After a few moments of silence, Tenchi continues.

Tenchi: "Do you, Rei Ikari, take Asuka Langley Soryu to be your wedded wife, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for richer or poorer, forsaking all others, save your husband Shinji, until the death parts you, to cherish, honor, and adore?"

Rei: "I do."

Tenchi: "Asuka. Do you take Rei to be your wedded wife, in good times and bad, sickness and health, rich or poor, until death parts you, to cherish, honor, and adore?"

Asuka: "I do!"

Tenchi: "The rings, please."

Toji hands Rei and Asuka their respective ring boxes so that the rings may be exchanged.

Tenchi: "Rei, place the ring you have chosen upon Asuka's finger and say 'with this ring, I thee wed.'"

Rei opens her box, pulls out a classy, subdued white-gold ring with a small ruby, placing it on the ring-finger of Asuka's right hand. "With this ring, I thee wed."

Tenchi: "Asuka, place the ring you have chosen upon Rei's finger and say 'with this ring, I thee wed.'"

Asuka opens her box, pulls out a classy white-gold ring with a small star-sapphire, places it on the ring-finger of Rei's right hand and says "with this ring, I thee wed."

Tenchi: "By the power vested in me as the priest of this shrine and the country of Jurai, I now declare you married. You may kiss the bride."

Asuka and Rei lift their respective veils and proceed to kiss long, deep, and hard. After a few minutes, they have to stop for a breath of air, though it's clear that would have kept on going, if they could.

Tenchi: "Let not that which has been forged by the gods and the spirits of our ancestors be torn asunder by the hand of man. The ceremony is over. You may go in peace."

The audience bursts into applause. As the wedding procession files out of the shrine, Asuka, per the tradition, takes the bouquet and throws it behind her. To her surprise, Mana winds up catching it. Hikari can only glare at her in envy.

Shinji: "That was awesome!"

Asuka: "Indeed. Granted, we have to share, but a house in the countryside as a wedding gift? You can't beat that! Now if only we could take our time 'inspecting' each and every room..."

Rei: "There is no need for that. Our hosts have provided a place for us where we can consummate everything. I've gone without for too long, and I suspect Shinji-kun feels the same..."

With a mischievous smirk, Askuka and Rei proceed to drag Shinji to the room in question.

To be continued....